#danny is gonna be a little shot to tim for a bit before tim offers an olive branch

[im-totally-not-an-alien-2]

Danny couldn't really explain why he always answered this specific summoning ritual. It was like a feeling. One of warmth. Of a mug of hot cocoa in your hands and a nice weighted blanket dropped around your shoulders as a fire blazed in the hearth in front of you, keeping the chill in the rest of the room at bay.

Danny always lost himself in the sensation and found himself back in that stupid circle of protection with that same wierd guy demanding answers. But Danny didn't know anything about a "Lazarus Pit" or a "Pit Madness" let alone a cure for it. Even if he did he wasn't going to tell Red Robin anything after all the times he'd used the marriage summoning spell to get him here.

Earlier on Red had explained it was the only spell known to thier universe that could summon an entity from "The Lazarus Dimension" Which he guessed was another name for the ghost zone and Phantom was the only one to ever be summoned.

Danny couldn't help but wonder why...

After escaping Bird boy and his supernatural pop quiz (oh look, another test for him to flunk) he returns home only to discover his parents had seen him get summoned and accused him of being a ghost that replaced thier baby boy.

Naturalally the next time Red Robin had summoned Phantom he was angry. He was tired and dirty from being on the run from his parents, his worlds US government, and Vlad. Not to mention his own rogues gallery didn't exactly cut him any slack.

So Danny decided that if Red Robin wanted to abuse the power of a marriage ritual than the very least he can do is put his money where his mouth is.

Danny grinned and exited the magic circle, taking delight in Reds widening eyes before he lunged. A kiss sealed the deal, making sure Danny had a safeish place to stay.

After all, married couples in the infinite realms were obligated and even compelled to protect and care for eachother.

[haunted-by-catholic-guilt]

Now I Remember It Doesn't Take Much To Make Me Feel Small

birthday fic for my platonic soul mate @hangon-toyourself where we project onto tim

i love you so much vesper!!!

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TW EATING DISORDERS AND WEIGHT MENTION

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Tim Stoker was a happy man.

He wore what he wanted and he was loud and proud about everything.

That’s what he displayed, at least.

That’s not what he felt.

Especially the bad days.

He didn’t really remember when it started, but he remembers when it got bad.

When he passed out and the first thing he was Danny’s crying face above him.

When Danny spent hours with Tim at the table, talking to him and encouraging him.

And after a long time, he got better.

Not perfect, but better.

And then Danny died.

Tim, through some miracle, managed not to relapse as hard as he thought he would.

Eating was harder but more because so was getting out of bed, so he didn’t really lose or gain weight.

But for some reason, now was the point his brain decided it was time to look in the mirror and nearly punch it, and to look in the mirror and cry, and to step on his scale he buried away to the back of his closet and felt his heart stop at the numbers.

He looked in the mirror, his shirt was off and he stood only in his boxers, and he traced the stretch marks on his side, and the scars lining his hip.

God, he was disgusting, how did people even look at him?

He shook off the feelings and stepped away from the bathroom, grabbing an oversized shirt cardigan, and jeans combo that buried him in the size.

He walked to work that day, and didn’t stop for a pastry or coffee.

Work was slow, it was a Friday and all there was finishing up that week’s files and, typically, annoying Sasha and Jon to go out for drinks.

Soon enough lunch rolled around, and it had become an archival tradition to order in food on Fridays, and it was Martin’s week to pick.

Tim put on his best smile and sat on the taller man’s desk.

“Hey, Marto- What’re you plannin for lunch today?”

Martin smiled and leaned back in his chair.

“Hmmmm maybe the cafe down the block? They have nice soup and sandwiches”

Tim quickly ran through his repertoire of calories he had memorized, chicken noodle soup was normally around three-hundred and fifty calories.

He could work with that.

“-Tim, Tim!”

He snapped back into attention to Martin waving his hand in front of him, concern on his face.

“Tim are you alright?”

Tim chuckled and slid off the desk.

“Yeah, I’m fine, sorry about that, just tired.”

He recognized the shake in his own voice.

“I’m here if you need to talk alright? We can order soon.”

He flashed a smile and was on his way.

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A month passed, eating as little as he could, fasting for up to a week at one point broken only when Martin bought him food.

He felt like shit but god was he happy.

His throat burned with acid, he was cold and dizzy and he still looked the same.

He stepped on the scale and felt almost happy, but more so determination and a slight mix of anger.

He’d been “skinny” before, according to others, and by his height, he wasn’t overweight but he knew.

52.3 kg

Not small enough.

He sighed and slipped on the same jeans, t-shirt, and cardigan combo he remembered wearing the day this started, now ten times too big on him, and left for work.

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To say Martin was concerned is an understatement.

Something was wrong with Tim and damn if he didn’t find what.

Of course, he had some vague idea.

He just hoped it wasn’t.

Tim walked in, oversized sweater, looking sick, and eye bags that rivaled Jon in their intensity.

“GoodMorning Martin.”

Martin smiled at him, a sad smirk, Tim was holding a thermos, and he looked so… empty

“Morning, how’re you today?”

“Good, and yourself?”

Martin decided then he would take Tim out for drinks or invite him over for a movie.

“Just fine, thank you… Hey Tim? Would you like to come over tonight and watch a movie with me? I don’t like watching horror movies alone, Ill order in some food from the Italian place you like.”

Tim visibly froze and calculated his options, and Martin hated how he recognized it instantly.

“Sounds good, does seven work?” Martin nodded and they set to work for the day, inviting Sasha to come along, she accepted the offer and before they knew it, it was time to go home. With a farewell and a promise to see each other later, they were off. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tim was fucked.

Astronomically fucked.

Martin invited him over for food and he was fucked.

He took a breath, first step was a game plan then decide what to order for dinner that was low-cal, then go to the gym and work out so he didn’t gain as much.

Hours passed, working out at the gym, and before he knew it was seven, time for hell.

He was at Martin’s door and he heard Martin and Sasha speaking in low and hushed tones, Martin sounded upset and Sasha seemed stress.

I shouldn't be here.

He knocked on the door anyway.

Martins’s voice was muffled but he heard a quiet call that he was on his way, and for a split second Tim seriously considered running, but before he knew it Martin was opening the front door.

“Hey! Food’s inside!”

Fuck.

He was ushered inside and sat on the couch, Martin handed him his food and a water, he felt the couch dip next to him on both sides, and was vaguely aware of Martin and Sasha eating their own food, he knew what was inside, it was what he always ordered, an alfredo dish, and he honestly couldn’t handle it.

“Tim? Are you gonna eat?”

Martins soft voice broke the dam behind his eyes, and before he knew it he was crying.

“I- I- I can’t”

Someone took the food out of his hands, and he was slowly enveloped in a hug.

“It’s alright, I know, it’s okay.”

He pushed off Martin, not being able to handle the thought of someone feeling him and he quickly stood up-

And then darkness.

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Martin knew he was going to go down as soon as he stood up.

He quickly caught him and lifted him- god he was light- and laid him on the couch, while Sasha adjusted his legs to be on her lap.

“I’ll be right back.”

Martin left the living room, and grabbed a small juice box from the fridge, and he took a breath.

Fuck.

He composed himself before stepping back into the living room, where Tim was stirring, he stepped over and got the juice box ready.

“Hey, Tim, drink this, you’ll feel better.”

He kept his voice level and soft, non-judgemental, and calm.

Tim obliged when he was back to being conscious, he looked disoriented and cold, Martin wrapped a blanket around his shoulders and ran fingers through his hair.

When Tim came to and realized what happened, he shot up, but was pushed back down by Martin which he didn’t mind because, wow, were rooms supposed to spin that fast?

He sat up slowly after a second before the realization set in of horrific embarrassment of oh shit I just passed out and am laying on Martin’s couch.

“I-I’m sorry”

Martin shushed him and Sasha rubbed his back while he sobbed into Martin’s shirt, after the shorter man stopped crying, Martin decided it was time for a talk.

“Tim.. do you want to tell us why? We won’t judge you, I’ve struggled with it my whole life too.”

“I-I don’t know. Maybe because I’m… ugly? Because I’m not worth it?”

Martin felt his heart break, and Sasha looked close to tears, she pulled Tim close to her and was horrified to feel just how frail he was like that.

“Tim, sweetheart, you deserve food, I don’t know who made you think otherwise, but I’ll hurt them and make them regret ever talking to you.”

Tim struggled a bit, almost as if trying to get away from her but sunk back into her after a second.

“I’m sorry”

Martin embraced Tim from the other side, making a Tim Sandwich.

“You don’t need to be sorry Tim, just let us help you?”

He nodded and hoped they knew he would try.

[lockdownuk]

Lockdown Diary Part 11

A personal account during the lockdown in the UK due to the Covid-19 outbreak.

23/03/2020 8:30pm Boris Johnson, UK Prime Minister, gives a live address to the nation to, effectively, put the country on lockdown to stem the spread of the deadly coronavirus strain, Covid-19.Many of us have been self-isolating for days but this latest development within the UK in reaction to the pandemic feels very serious and very scary. I decided to keep a simple diary and where better but online.

Day 301: Up at 1pm after a good few bevvies last night. usual Saturday stuff but my walk was astop/start affair due to yet more flooding. 

Facebook today informed me that Karen Wyles died suddenly. It really shocked me. I saw Guy and Gail while out walking (nice to bump into them and chat) and they told me it was a heart attack! I sent K a WhatsApp just in case she’d not heard. I put a few words on FB. I had known Karen for a long time and, while I took the piss a lot, she was a friend (that I often didn’t deserve) and a good person....I felt a responsibility to say something nice as a small homage.

During the week I ordered new boots (since my Merrells are fucked after only  few months but I am getting my money back) and, today, I also ordered McKenzie Attwood trainers (£20 cheap as fuck from JD Sports sale), slippers and jogging bottoms from Amazon. 

Now I am going to have pizza, drink, smoke and watch The Equalizer 2 (for the umpteenth time - I watched the first one last night). I could watch Tenet - Miles has given me his Amazon login details, which is pretty fucking cool of him, but I’m not in the mood.

Posh beat MK 3-0 at home. I fucking love beating them. It’s extremely satisfying.

Right, it’s Saturday, it’s nearly 9pm, time I got on it.

Day 302: Not the most mental night last night but still 4am-ish when I went to bed, so I am very pleased to type that I was up before my alarm this morning. But, also, as I type, at gone 10pm, I am fucking knackered. Just about to tuck into spicy-as-fuck sauasage casserole, wtach MotD2 and then bed!

Day 303: Slippers arrived today but they’re going back. Too tight in the left foot. I’m not wearing slippers in FFS!

Day 304: New trainers (McKenzie Attwoods) arrived. Now, this footwear I shall keep. £20, bargain.

Posh came from a goal down to beat Charlton at home 2-1. Nice.

I made some veg soup today and, quite frankly, it’s fucking stupidly chilli-fied. Barely edible.

Day 305: New trainers are sweet - wore them for my morning exercise routine. Pretty comfy - after a few wears, they’ll be ace, I think.

Got served notice on the house on Monday (why I didn’t enter that on day 303, I do not know). Lynda, from Woodfords, says a semi-detached place in Havelock Cottages is coming up that looks promising. I contacted Emily at Aspire today, there’s a two bed terrace in Basset Place coming up so i am looking at that on Monday. Choice of 2 I do hope! First is £700 pm, second £725.

Day 306: Flipping frustrating “nothing works” day at work, It’s been like it all year so far. Tbf, Sueanne gets it and is quite supportive, even though she dives in when I’ve been dealing with problems that drag on! It’s Thursday, I can’t wait for tomorrow and, I am all to aware, I am wishing what little life I have left away.

Spoke with dad, he had his first vaccination jab on Tuesday in Spalding - he said it was a very efficient process (he was full of praise) and that the jab itself was no bother, with no after effects apart from a slightly sore arm. Excellent!

Day 307: Not even one beer (Saporro) in, and I feel wasted. A toke has helped.

Day 308: New Scarpa boots arrived today and, while they will need some wearing in, I did the stair climb and a 45min walk in them. I think they are going to be ace. Just as well as the Merrells are falling apart.

I have decided to listen to the Rush back catalogue, 2112 (4th) is playing as I type. It’s been a trip down memory lane and a bloody good one!

I had a few beers last night, as yesterday’s entry confirms, which included a video catch up with Fog, Ham and Andy P. Gonna chat with Fog later tonight as well.

I watched King of Statten Island last night. I liked it but, in some parts, it was smultzy as hell, rendering it a 6/10. Later, I’m watching Outside the Wire and eating pizza. Can’t wait!

I reset my mobile yesterday ‘cos it’s been playing up. What a fucking ball ache, logging on to all the different apps, all the little settings you get so used to, only to miss them when set back to defaults. Things like the camera settings - photo size and watermark....ooooh, just realised, ‘first world problems’! Get a grip, Tim!

Day 309: SNOW! Thick and crisp and uneven. I walked 11.9km in it today and it fucking well knackered me out. The old Merrells held their own in the snow as well, totally waterproof and, for such a light boot, remarkably warm. I will actually be sorry to see them go.

Danny sent me a link to a free week’s worth of receipes from Hello Fresh (he’s nuts for it) so I and ordered one, worth nearly £40! 

Posh won away from home yesterday at Ipswich. Now, get this: the stats on the BBC’s report showed Posh had no shots on target but still won 0-1. How, might one ask? Own goal, that’s how. Piss funny!

Day 310: I am aching today. Walking in the snow yesterday certainly exercised different muscles than walking in mud. And, today, I walked less than normal, usual lunchtime but only 4km (instead of 8) in the evening. 

‘Cos of the snow, the woman from Aspire cried off showing me around 3 Bassett Place. At first I was well pissed off but, looking at the roads and traffic situation around Oundle, it was the right decision (she’d have had to get here from Nassington - a bit treacherous),

It’s just gone 8pm. I am going to eat and go to bed. It’s too fucking cold even with the heating on!

Day 311: Rearranged the viewing of Bassett Place tomorrow - I rang them ‘cos I saw it advertised on Facebook, FFS! My walk tonight was mad...melting snow, rain/sleet, ice made for fucking hard work. Plus, since I am wearing in the new Scarpas, I wore the Merrells. The right boot is now, most definitely not waterproof! Got home about 8pm, changed bed sheets, showered and made diner...bloody knackered. It’s now 11pm and I am off to beddy byes.

Day 312: Viewed Bassett Place and I really like it. It is advertised at £750pm but Emily (from Aspire) said it was £725. Sarah, who showed me round said there may be some leeway for the right tenant so i’ve asked if it could be done for £700. If so, I’ll take it. It’s a large two bed mid terrace, bigger than here (36, East Road), similar type place, just what I want. Fingers crossed.

Day 313: Having slept on it, I do believe I definitely want 3 Bassett Place. I phone Sarah at Apsire to say as much. She told me she’d forwarded my details and offer to the landlord and is waiting to hear. As yesterday, fingers crossed.

I couldn’t take the pic of the field for the Morning Walk album, too flooded due to melting snow. On that note, my new boots are getting worn in both by wear and by superficial looks, it’s that filthy out there. I need to clean them. I wonder that, if I’d cleaned the Merrells, they might have lasted a bit longer. That being said, no amount of cleaning would have save the soles from wearing as thin as quickly as they did.

Day 314: Typing on Day 315. I didn’t get Bassett Place, the landlord gave it to a couple who offerred full asking price. To say I was fucked off is an understatement. I phoned Emily to let her know as much. Tbf, she explained that the snow (delaying my original viewing) wasn’t her fault and that she is at the mercy of the landlord. Fair enough, when I heard her POV. But, I am still gutted. I should have gone for the full £750!

Glad the working week is over (I am really wishing my life away so far this year).

Long walk to Cotterstock - amazing light behind the clouds with a wolf moon (which I just looked up - full moon, basically) - I just wish I was a bit better at night photography, or at least the camera on the Mi9 was. However, once I tweak them a bit and post them, the feed back is usually good. In fact, I posted one on the move last night and someone on FB has asked if they can paint it!

Meatballs for tea and beers.

I have decided, when the year of this log is up, that I’ll end it (the diary, not my life, though that dark thought is never far away!). I have reached this decision because, while this diary is really only for me, it is as boring as fuck, really. I’ll continue to write a log but randomly, when the day’s events warrant it. It’ll be on the main Tumblr.

Day 315: Typing this on day 316. Up at 1pm-ish. Morning exercise routine, long walk curtailed by flooding (again!) more beers, smokes and trash food. Posh lost 2-0 away to Shrewsbury (a bit of a bogey team).

Day 316: Up at 1pm yet again. I really didn't feel like any exercise but I did the usual regardless. Google Fit isn’t fucking working!

I have got to start stopping these ridiculously late Friday and Saturday nights. My weekend is over before it’s begun. This coming Friday, I am not going to do the really long walk in the evening that i have become accustomed to - just a 8km one that I do most evening, and then start drinking earlier so as to go to bed early. If I can get out of bed in the Saturday morning, perhaps do a couple of long walks so as to get the weekly steps up.

Day 317: My left foot, during my lunchtime walk, killed. I must have sopped and undone & redone my laces 6 times. Dunno wtf is going on with the Scarpas. I wore my Merrells for the evening walk. I tried to got to Cotterstock but it was too flooded on the road just before the bridge!

Ordered new joggers, a boot brush and some new wireless earbuds (Mifo 05 plus Gen 2 - bought them off eBay -I hope they are the real deal, it’s the very latest spec and £74.99 instead of £89.99 from the Mifo website).

Day 318: I went shopping at 10.15pm mainly for pizza and party food since I have booked Monday off because it’s the Superbowl (Tampa vs Kansas) and booze! No fucking Sapporo. It was eerie shopping that late at the superstore in Corby. Boots still hurting (Merrells in the evening). Day 319: New ear buds arrived. Well impressed. So did the boot brush (BootBuddy) - on that note, boots weren’t so bad at lunchtime. I didn’t wear them in the evening but I think it’s just a ‘wearing them in’ thing, hopefully.

Day 320: Hello Fresh delivery day. I had pork and chipotle black bean tacos with pickled red onion, chipotle tomatoes and lettuce. It’s a good set up, decent ingredients and nice recipe sheets...but I don't need it, I’m good enough in the kitchen. And, I am no fan of minced pork. I am not being a fair judge though. Today, my sugars have been all over the place over 21 and under 2 mmol/L. I nearly fell asleep trying to recover from a low before my evening walk. When I got back (soaked - it was pissing down), I was over 21 by the time I had cooked it all....puts me off actually eating, even though I have to! Rang Barry Haddon today, to see how he is. I think he’s OK but, strangely, told me, during conversation, that he’s 77 years old. I don't think so! I also texted Posh Dave. I think he’s struggling being on his own (he lost mum and dad last year, I think). I must make more contact with him. I might call him over the weekend.

Day 321: Typing on Day 322 (well, 1am on day 323 actually). It was nice finishing work knowing I have Monday off. I also din’t do an extra long walk this evening as with most Fridays. Cooked the send Hello fresk meal, Mango chicken tacos -diced chicken thighs - it was alright. Rog video called so had a good chat with him and I invited Foggy to it (he was at his cousin John’s funeral today), so the three of us chewed the cud for a bit. I then went onto get fucking shitfaced. I couldn’t make it to bed with low sugars, lying on the runner rug, fell asleep, got up and could only make it top the living room rug..I felt so dodgy but I was too fucked and too full to even take more than a swig of coke. I think I’m going to fall asleep one drunken night, slip into a coma and then die. I can think of worse ways to go. Day 322: Typing  very late, it’s actually Sunday morning, 1.07am. I got out of bed at gone 2.30pm today. I managed my morning routine and a 8km walk (in the Scarpas, they are getting more comfortable since my episode of pain a few days ago; definitely a wearing in process). No booze after last night’s debacle. I am going to hit it during the Superbowl tomorrow though. The Hello fresh meal tonight was pasta chicken bake with pepper and courgette. Fucking lovely and I coudln’t eat it all. I’ve lerant that adding creme fresh to pasta, whacking it on top of meat and sauce on a casserole bowl and baking it for 15 minutes is the way to go. I watched The Dig tonight. It’s a good film but fucking glum. Posh won at home to Crewe today, 2-0. They are now 4th. Day 323:Bright as a button today, up at around 11:00am despite switch in the bedroom light off at just before 3am. Today’s walk was fucking hard work. It’s wintry, the wind was keen, strong and full of icy particles just not quite sleet. The fields between Park Wood and Monson Way were bloody tough. One wrong foot and you’d slip over. I did about 10 km; it took over 2 hours and felt like twice the distance.  I’ve just eaten Hello Fresk teryaki mince. It was good. One beer in, a film (probably One Night in Miami) and then Superbowl time. Day 324: The Superbowl was good. Tampa beat Kansas 31-9. The second half was a damp squib since Kansas never made a go of it. Tom Brady won his 7th ring. He is to American football what Federer is to tennis. The Weeknd half time show was excellent. So, it was about 4am I went to bed, nicely pissed. Up at just after 1pm. Exercise, omelette, long walk, done some washing. About to make the last Hello Fresh meal and watch One Night in Miami which I didn’t manage last night.   Richard sent me a message (screen shot of a) house up for shared ownership in Oundle (Sharmann & Quinney) - I need to look into what that is all about.

Day 325: Shared ownership isn’t straightforward and, actually, I have discovered that I need to look at something call ‘older persons shared ownership’ when I hit 55. Jon at work wants me to get involved in two additional pieces of work, he told me at the SUMO today (Sueanne is off) - he did say that “that’s what happens if you have a day off! Finished the last of the Hello Fresh (last night’s sausage bolognese including homemade garlic bread using a Tiger loaf from Co-Op which was reduced to 28p. I didn’t watch One Night in Miami last night. Shock. Day 326: I spoke with Lynda from Woodfords yesterday, viewing 13 Havelock Cottages tomorrow. Also, yesterday, Posh beat Ipswich 2-1 at home. They came from behind. Ipswich have never beaten Posh away. Simon Banwell posted on FB berating some new legislation whereby potentially people who travel and lie about it (the destination) are liable for 10 years in prison. His gripe is people get less for murder. I am beyond words...the potential for mass deaths of such actions! I tried to argue that case but it is, as always on social media, flogging a dead horse. Rachel Harris jumped on Simon’s bandwagon whereas Tim Francis posted a ‘well said’ to me (I think it’s genuine). Day 327: Carrying on directly from above; Candice Bellingsea, Rachel’s niece, Carla’s daughter, was also ‘vocal’ in defence of Simon’s post, joining in with the clamour for relaxation of lockdown (at the expense of safety) - citing more people commit suicide because of the mental pressure than die of covid. Well, today, I investigated and posted a FB status to poo-poo such claims. It felt good (and right) to address Candice’s ridiculous post albeit, I didn’t call her out directly but did have part of her comment on Simon’s post directly quoted in my status. I went to see 13 Havelock today. It’s OK. Not perfect but more than alright. When I left there I was very much in two minds but now, at 10:30pm, the place is growing on me. Still part of me thinks to hold out - I have got around 5 month’s notice left - but, if I let it go (and Lynda from Woodford’s has already said the landlord is happy for me to move in), I might regret it. I keep thinking of 3 Bassett Place though...if only I had said yes to £750 straightaway. That place would be perfect, I reckon. One major concern with 13 is the neighbours. There’s no way I could have my usual Friday and Saturday night revelry. But...I’ll sleep on it. I have only just finished doing some work - pissing about with Smartview Essbase (with Simon Welch’s help - he’s a bloody good bloke - no need to be so helpful, but he’s more than happy to be) - I sent him a Teams message to arrange a catch up tomorrow with some questions I have regarding the installation - he only bloody answered - working as late as I am! I have managed to watch some of One Night in Miami. Going to finish it now with a dirty, microwave hamburger for tea.

Day 328: Typing on day 329. Usual Friday but not so mad in the evening. One Night in Miami was good. For Friday’s viewing I chose Greenland. Not so good. Only 4 beers and two spliffs. I’m getting old! Day329: Up at 1pm, usual exercise including a long old walk. It included walking along the river (Oundle Mill bridge to the marina) for the fist time this year. The floods are in evidence but, obviously, receded enough to get through - that, or the resulting water, mud and boginess is frozen. I really enjoyed it today but it was freezing - the wind was evil at certain points. Tea’s on the go, beer in hand and I am going to watch War Dogs.  Posh’s game was off today due to a frozen pitch. Day 330: Typing on day 331. It wasn’t a mad Saturday night but mad enough to not be up until gone midday. Another nice long walk, Walk and eat is all I really do nowadays. I can’t even muster any enthusiasm to do housework since I am going to be out of here soon. I called Posh Dave in the evening. It was good to chat and I think he appreciated the call. He’s on his own and struggling, I get the impression. He told me both Matt Baxter (bowel) and Adi Mowles (neck) are undergoing treatment for cancer.

[helloworlddemo1122-yahoopar-blog]

Emmys 2018: Walton Goggins, Hollywood’s Ultimate Journeyman, Is Finally a Breakout Star (Exclusive)

Walton Goggins delivered one of ET's Standout Performances of the 2017-18 season.  

Walton Goggins is, perhaps, Hollywood’s ultimate journeyman.

The actor, who has bounced between film and TV for the past 29 years after first appearing in a 1989 episode of The Heat of the Night, has been this way “since I was a young man,” he tells ET by phone, acknowledging, in some way, that he’s been “that guy from that show” for most of his career. In fact, to many, he has become known for supporting roles on The Shield, Justified and Sons of Anarchy -- three shows that have earned Goggins critical praise and steady work if not “it” status or covers of magazines.

Then, in 2015, all of that changed thanks to, yes, another supporting role, but this time as Sheriff Chris Mannix in Quentin Tarantino’s The Hateful Eight. It was his second time working with Tarantino, after an even smaller role in Django Unchained. But this time he ran away with the entire film, stealing scenes from Samuel L. Jackson and Kurt Russell.

While on set of The Hateful Eight, outside of Telluride, Colorado, Goggins was offered the opportunity to star opposite Danny McBride in Vice Principals, a new comedy marking the return of McBride, Jody Hill and David Gordon Green to HBO after four seasons of Eastbound and Down. “I read the first three scripts and I was just blown away by it,” Goggins says. “I was just grateful for the invitation to come play with them.”

Soon, he was playing Chris Mannix for Tarantino during the day and at night getting into the character of Lee Russell, a conniving and sociopathic vice principal vying for the top job at a South Carolina high school. “You know, you're tired when you fall asleep but it's a high-class problem, isn't it?” Goggins says of the experience.

The show, which ran for two seasons, premiered in July 2016 to rave reviews and has since earned Goggins photo spreads in high-profile magazines as well as also roles in History Channel’s Six, this year’s big-budget films Maze Runner: The Death Cure, Tomb Raiderand Ant-Man and the Wasp, and the lead in the CBS pilot for a new TV adaptation of L.A. Confidential.

In a conversation with ET, Goggins reflects on playing Lee Russell, the most diabolical character of his career, and how much of his career is instinct versus luck.

Walton Goggins and Danny McBride in a scene from 'Vice Principals.'

HBO

ET: You auditioned for Eastbound and Down and didn’t get the role. But then the opportunity to audition for Vice Principals came back around and you got that. What was it about Eastbound that wasn't a right fit, but Vice Principals worked out?

Walton Goggins: Well, that's really interesting. I think they were looking for something different for Eastbound and Down, and when I walked in, I knew that. At least, I felt in my heart that if I got into a room with Danny, there would be chemistry. Real chemistry. That's what you hope with people that you look up to and it was, there was a lot of chemistry in this reading. I think by my very nature, my take on things is pretty dark. I'm not a comedian by trade. I'm just a storyteller, and most of the actors in the room when I showed up were all people from SNL and comedians. So I didn't think I had a shot in hell of ever getting that whatsoever. It's not really ever about that for me, it's just about the opportunity to come play with someone you respect and admire. I think because of that reading, they were kind of going back and forth on whether or not they wanted to go darker with this particular role on Eastbound and Down. Then they made the right decision and they went with Jason Sudeikis. But in their mind, when it came to Lee Russell and when it came to Vice Principals,they wanted to go a different direction. They wanted to mine these characters for who they are, their tragedies as well as their comedic experiences.

You have had such a great track record with The Shield, Justified, Sons of Anarchy and now Vice Principals. When it comes to being involved in these projects and knowing they’re going to be so great, how much of it is instinct and how much of it is luck?

Oh, God, The Shield was luck. For sure. [Creator] Shawn Ryan had been around a little bit, but it was really his first time manning the wheel, so no one knew. But it was on the page. The same with Justified. It's Elmore Leonard [who authored the short story on which the series is based], so we had that going with us, and the great Tim Olyphant. With all of these things, it is luck. I suppose the instinct or the gut feeling is the other part of that. I read Boyd Crowder and I just saw him immediately. I saw Shane McDonnell instantly. I saw Venus Van Dam immediately and I saw Lee Russell immediately. So I think it's a combination of luck and just knowing when I can really add something to this or that I can help this storyteller share their story.

So in most cases, if you can see the character then you know you're for it, versus walking away when you don’t?

Yeah, at this point in my career. If you’d asked me that 10 or 12 years ago, it would have been a different answer: “Well, I don't see it but I'm gonna try and figure it out.” And that's a struggle. It isn't the lack of trying. That's not it at all. I try to challenge myself anyway. But when it comes to choosing something I think is for me, I know pretty quickly, even if it's something that scares the shit out of me. I feel like I understand I have something to offer my director or my writer -- something worthy of their time. That is a big consideration for me at this point in my career.

Lee Russell is such a specific and unique character. Obviously you must have seen yourself in him and known this was something you could play. What went into creating him?

You know, I have to go back to a part of your statement. I felt like I could play him, but I didn't really know what that was going to be. I just knew it would be there if you put in the work, and I was so unbelievably intimidated by the prospect of playing with Danny in that kind of way because he's so good at improvising and he's so good at his own material. I desperately didn't want to let him down; when you're playing with a giant in that way, you want to put the ball back over the net consistently. So for me, it really kind of goes into reading the script. I read them over and over an over and over and over again -- all of which is like 200, 250 times and, you know, around the sixtieth time you're not really kind of reading it for the words anymore. It's just an opportunity to access your imagination. That coupled with the great work done by our wardrobe designer Sarah Trost on Vice Principals, who just help me find the look. Immediately, as soon as we put on the bow, it all made sense. What I didn't know was how emotionally difficult Lee Russell was going to be in this comedy, and I think Danny will say the same thing about Neal Gamby. These are bucking broncos, man. They are heightened but grounded; they're both deeply flawed human beings.

Lee is pretty dark and twisted in some ways. Do you ever get lost in the psyche of a character like this? Do you go down that road, or are you able to kind of remove yourself from that?

I do. I go down that road as long as I come back out for my 7-year-old, who’ll say, “Dad, you're talking to yourself. Stop talking to yourself right now and get over here and play Magna-Tiles with me.” But I enjoy that process. I enjoy going down those holes, and that's hopefully why people do this for a living. It's not for a free T-shirt or dinner reservations at a particular restaurant. I've never really had those things anyway. For me, it’s really just that I enjoy the process of discovering who these guys are and kind of living in their heads. I don't take it home the way that I used to because I just don't have the time. But I do quite enjoy occupying their headspace when I'm at work.

When you signed on to Vice Principals, was there anything you wanted to achieve career-wise?

I don't look at things in a Machiavellian way, even as benign as what you're suggesting. I don't look at things as a stepping stone to something else or how this may open up an opportunity for me. I've always been happy with the opportunities that I've been given, and I've tried to make the most of them. This wasn't a gateway to do romantic comedies for me. It was an opportunity to work with people I deeply respect and admire. On the other side of this great journey, I'm really proud to say that Danny McBride is not only my friend, he's a very good friend, and so is David and so is Jody. We're like family. It's really the most rewarding thing to come out of this entire experience.

What about in terms of acting itself? Was there anything you got to do while playing Lee that you hadn't been able to do before?

I mean, I've done some pretty terrible things in my career, you know, the nefarious people that I've been given the opportunity to play. But I've never played someone that was so physically powerless and yet intellectually powerful. What I mean is his conniving nature versus his brute strength. His insecurities were so deep. They were so unbelievably ingrained into him. I think Danny is so good at playing that -- he has developed this genre of very deeply insecure men. I've never been given an opportunity to play that on that level, and it was really interesting to walk around with that, because when this show turns in an episode -- at the beginning of the season, the middle of the season or at the end of the season or the end of the entire experience -- he falls hard. When Lee Russell’s wife leaves him, he's looking to God for answers and incapable of seeing the reason as to why he arrived at this place that he's in -- that's fucking difficult. But it's so rewarding simultaneously.

When Vice Principals first premiered, it followed shortly after The Hateful Eight and it kind of felt like suddenly you were part of the zeitgeist in a way that you hadn’t been before. How does it feel at this point in the career to have people in the industry or fans to know you as Walton instead of “that guy from that show”?

I suppose it means a lot of different things, doesn't it? I suppose, for survival, for being a parent who needs to take care of his child, it means I'll get another job. But I suppose, moreover, I'm a journeyman. It's not just action or storytelling or making movies that I'm curious about. I've been a journeyman since I was a young man, and to arrive at a place I never anticipated and experience the kind of gratitude that I have for these opportunities, it feels really good, man.

This year alone, you're in several major blockbusters, from Tomb Raider to Ant-Man. Is that a result of that zeitgeist moment and the attention surrounding Hateful Eight and Vice Principals?

I think so. I think that it was a combination of Justified, Sons of Anarchy, The Hateful Eight and Vice Principals. I've been given opportunities in a number of different arenas, you know, including the one that we just grabbed, L.A. Confidential. I am grateful for all of them. I'm just trying to keep myself on my toes and flow seamlessly between doing these two mediums. After doing these big-budget movies this year, I desperately wanted to do a low-budget independent movie and just to get back to that. So I did in this move, Them That Follow, that will hopefully come out this year about a snake-handling community in southern Appalachia, and that was extraordinary. There's no great plan that I have except what is unfolding right in front of me. You get great joy out of it if you approach it that way.

 This interview has been edited and condensed.

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