#davids behind the cam

[thatonecatcat]

imagine walking near the usual corner of the street and witnessing four people in their thirties doing the most random crap ever

[crazyk-imagine]

Hi, I was thinking Jacob Black x Reader. Where Jacob was waiting for Reader to come out of school till he heard commotion in front of the school and saw Reader fighting a bully who is a guy. She has a bruised lip and bleeding nose. Jacob hurriedly pick up Reader and take her to Emily’s so she can chill out and so Emily can patch her up. The pack saw her and they started asking questions till Emily started lecturing her.

Jealousy and Pack Scolding's

Pairing: Jacob Black x Uley!reader

Characters: Jacob Black, Uley!reader, Paul Lahote, Jared Cameron, Embry Call, Leah Clearwater, Seth Clearwater, Quil Ateara V, Brady Fuller, Collin Littlesea

Warnings: Angst, fluff, Paul being an idiot, Sam not liking the imprinting, this was actually kind of cute, I think I made Jake a likable character (for me), Emily is an angel, Sam and Emily are my fav, reader has avoided making eye contact with Jake bc she has a crush, Sam knows whats up, Embry just wants his imprint, Paul is such a big brother here, love writing for the wolfpack, it's so much fun, reader knows about imprints

Word Count: 2,431

A/N: Ask and you shall receive... this was fun and totally not inspired by Jake fics where he's a little jealous shit

I've aged probably everyone sooo, Sam is 26, Emily is 25. Leah is 23. Jared and Paul are 19 (in a nearby community college) and just one semester from graduating. Jake, Reader and Embry are 18. Quil, Seth, Brody are 17. Cam and Seth are 16

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He kicks his bike stand up, so it stays upright while he waits for you to exit the school. He crosses his arms, not wanting anyone to talk to him, hoping he looks “menacing” enough for his classmates to get the hint and steer clear of him.

He knows Quil and Embry made their way back to Emily's since Sam wants them to do their patrol shift as soon as they can once they finished with their last class.

He couldn't complain much considering he was able to go home and change before heading back to pick you up so he could successfully switch shifts with Embry, which annoys him since Sam basically ordered him to pick you up.

He’d be more okay with it if you two were friends- or even talking; he doesn’t know why he was put to the job since you two aren’t close- or at least, compared to Jared and Paul.

Jake did recently find out (after complaining to the guys when their alpha wasn’t around) you’re Sam's niece and Emily has taken a light to you, thinking of you as her own daughter.

And the only reason he thinks that is because of how she treats you; it always reminds him of the way his mom took care of him and his sisters when they were younger.

Don't get him wrong, he has no problem with that or the way she treats you, he's more curious than anything since you haven't been talking to him.

It kind of bugs him that you talk to Paul and Jared more than him and isn't sure why. He gets the two shifted before everyone, but you've started talking to Embry and Quil so why not him too? Hell, you’ve even started making small talk with the newest shifters Brady and Collin.

He thinks this is why Sam sent him here, so he'll stop moping around about you and not just because the pack is tired of hearing how sad he is with you not talking to him.

The chanting, "fight, fight, fight," overtakes his sense in waiting for you and he steps closer.

He stops behind the wall of people, checking on who's fighting, curious as to who's stupid enough to fight on school property.

The fist flies to your face and he starts fighting his way to get past the people blocking him from getting to you.

You spit, not wanting the copper taste to remain in your mouth. You turn your head back to David, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of feeling like he won.

You kick his upper thigh, right above his knee and knock him down before pulling your arm back and drive your fist as hard as you can into his cheek.

He falls and cups his cheek, whining about the pain and the fact that he's bleeding.

"Talk about my family again and you'll be bleeding more."

Jacob finally breaks through the crowd and pushes David's friend away before the guy could grab you. "Back off," he growls.

The friend raises his hands in defense and backs away, noticing how buff he'd gotten and knows better to not fight Jacob.

He turns to you, smelling blood on you and cups your face, searching to find the damage, ignoring your eyes as the blood from your lip drips further down your chin. "Come on."

He puts you on the back of his bike and starts it before kicking the kickstand.

-

You unwrap your arms and get off the bike, trying to put distance between you, Jacob, and your home.

He grabs your wrist, "where do you think you're going?"

"Away."

"Just because you want to hide your face from Emily and Sam, doesn't mean you can run away."

"I can still try." You tug on his arm. "Let me go."

"No, you need to go in there and face them."

You stop fighting and he lets go of you, trusting that you won't leave. "I don't want Sam to be disappointed."

"Did you pick a fight with David on purpose?"

You shake your head, "of course not."

"Then he won't be disappointed... as long as you talk to him."

"Says the guy who fights him every chance he gets."

That earns a chuckle from Jake. "Says the mousy niece."

You scoff, shoving his arm. "Hey, I'm not mousy."

"This is the longest conversation we've ever had."

"That's your fault, you're always mopey."

"I am not."

"Are so."

"Am"- You walk through the door.

Emily's voice interrupts yours and everyone else's conversations. "I'm happy to see the two of you are talking." She smiles with a twinkle shining in her eye that quickly dies as soon as she catches sight of your face.

"Oh my- what the hell happened to you?" She grabs your chin, tilting so she can look at your face. "Who did this?"

Paul tenses, Jared tries to see over her shoulder.

Embry and Quil walk through the back door and glance at one another with concern evident on their faces once they realize what’s happened.

"Don't tell, Sam," you reply, staring into her eyes, practically begging her not to tell him.

"Don't tell me what?"

You grimace and then wince because your adrenaline has worn off and the pain has surfaced. "How much I love you?" You say without turning.

"I don't buy it." He wraps an arm around Emily, pecking her cheek. "Did you cut your finger again?" He asks with the scent of blood wafting through the room.

"Uh-" She catches your eye as she glances down at her hands. "Maybe, I don't know."

You attempt to sneak away while he's distracted and fail.

"Turn around."

You pout, keeping your head low as you turn.

"Lift your head."

"I like staring at my shoes while they're clean."

He grumbles your name under his breath.

You lift your head and sigh. "I may have gotten into an altercation at school."

"What the hell happened?"

"That's what I was asking before you got here?" Emily chimes in. "And I was avoiding it then."

"What did you do?"

You scoff, "I didn't do anything, you dick."

"That is no way to talk to your uncle," she tells you.

You stare at her, "I'm going to give him the same respect he gives me," and turn to him. "Which is none."

You exit the room when you realize none of you are going to be able to have a proper conversation and make your way to your room, slamming the door behind you.

-

"What happened while you were waiting for her?" Sam towers over Jacob, attempting to search through his mind to figure out what could have happened.

"I don't- I don't know. I was waiting and then I heard the other kids chanting, fight and then I saw her get hit and then take down David-"

"Wait- she was fighting David?" Jared chimes in with a smile.

"He deserves it," Paul adds.

"Guys a grade A asshole," Embry says before snacking on a muffin.

"So, this fight was valid?" Sam asks, wanting to understand everything he's learned within the last five minutes.

"No, it wasn't valid because fighting isn't the solution, is it boys?" Emily turns to the boys at the table.

"No," everyone answers.

"Good," she smiles.

"But this hasn't happened before? What's happened? This David- or whoever clearly said something for her to act out."

"He was talking about my family," you tell them, leaning against the wall with your arms crossed.

"That doesn't give you enough reason to fight," she tells you.

"It does when they start making fun of your dead parents and uncle who's running a cult."

They purse their lips.

"How do you feel?"

You shrug, "my fist and face are aching, so I'd say I did something right."

She sighs. "Fighting isn't the answer."

"I know that!"

"Then why did you do it?"

Your emotions cause you to snap. "I was tired of him thinking he could still bully me!"

She takes a few steps closer to you. "This has been going on for a while now. Why didn't you tell us?"

"I didn't want either of you to walk into the principal's office thinking you could stop it when it'd only make things worse," you grumble.

"We could have found another way to stop him from making comments."

"I took care of it the only way I could."

"There's always more than one way-"

"I know," you run your fingers through your hair in a frustrated manner. "I wasn't thinking but he wouldn't shut up. He waited a few months, giving me a grievance period but then he started talking shit again and today he wouldn't leave me alone."

"Why didn't you tell us?" Jared asks.

"Yeah," you scoff, "because I wanted you guys to help when the hothead is one fight away from being expelled. Everyone still thinks those two," you point to Embry and Quil. "Are weird because they suddenly got buff and had a haircut. Don't even mention the fact that Jake along with Brody and Cam are the new talk of the pack."

Sam sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. "Just, go clean the blood off as best you can, and Emily will wrap your wounds."

"I already did."

"Then go get the first aid kit and bring it in here."

You walk back into the bathroom throwing everything you’d laid out on the counter back into the bag and aim for the kitchen. "Heal me with your magical powers, Em."

She smiles and wraps an arm around your shoulders as she guides you to the island so she can use the natural light to check over you. "Does this hurt?"

"Not yet."

"Okay, let me know when it-"

You suck in a deep breath through your teeth.

"Hurts. You okay?"

"Peachy, Em."

"I know you had to defend yourself today, but fighting isn't always the answer."

"Yeah, I know," you reply with an attitude.

"I'm just reminding you, so you don't continue hurting yourself. You're not like the others, and I don't like seeing you get hurt."

"Thanks, Emily," you wrap your arms around her and pull her in for a long hug.

She smiles, returning the hug. "Don't go getting into fights again or else I'm going to bubble wrap you."

You chuckle. "As long as you save me from a Sam lecture."

"Deal." She slides the plate with muffins, closer to you. "Eat something first."

The guys shake their heads at your behavior.

"Does this mean I can hang out with you guys?"

"You hang out with us already," Jacob points out.

"Cliff diving." You unwrap your muffin.

"Absolutely not," your uncle tells you.

"Come on."

"No,” Sam shakes his head.

"Guys," you beg, turning around to look at the others.

"We're not getting involved in that," Paul raises his hands, heading towards the couch.

- Extra -

"Wha-"

"I'm with Paul," Embry tells you, pulling Quil with him as they sit beside Jared.

You turn to face your knight in shining armor. “Jake-”

He turns away from the others and glances back at you, the humor falling from his face.

“Oh, shit,” Jared mutters.

“Are you serious?” Embry whines.

You owlishly blink trying to figure out what’s happened when he falls to his knees. You set your muffin down and push yourself off the stool to stand in front of him. You poke his shoulder. “Are you okay?”

“It’s you,” he mutters.

You raise your head and face the others with a scared and confused expression. “Guys, what the hell just happened?”

Paul smirks and looks away.

Jared buries his face with a muffin.

Embry and Quil face the tv, not wanting to see how things plays out.

Brady and Collin walk through the door.

“Holy shit,” the former says.

“Congrats, Jake. You finally got your imprint,” the latter adds.

“What?” You spin around to face Emily. “Imprint? That’s what just happened?”

Sam rubs a hand over his face. This was the last thing they needed.

“Did we- did you not know?” Brady asks you.

“Does this look like the face of someone who’s in the know? Does it. Brady?”

Collin pulls his buddy away before you can rip their heads off.

“I think we need to talk,” Sam says, pulling Jacob off the ground. “Outside.”

You three stand on the porch, trying to wrap your heads around the whole situation.

-

“I don’t know what this means,” you tell them.

“This means, no being alone in your room. No sneaking out after curfew. No-”

“Sam, we’re not dating. This doesn’t apply to us.”

“It could,” he says, finally snapping out of his mind.

“What?”

“It- the imprint bond doesn’t happen by accident, it’s the joining of when two soulmates find each other.”

“So, we’re soulmates?”

He nods.

“I thought you were in love with Bella?”

“I was.”

“And now you’re not? You couldn’t have moved on that fast just because of this bond.”

He sighs, “I know this is going to be a lot of work, but I want to get to know you whether we go out or not… even though dating you-”

The clearing of someone’s throat cuts him off.

He sheepishly smiles, rubbing the back of his head. “We’ll talk more later.”

You can’t help but giggle and wince soon after.

He’s kneeling in front of you in seconds, searching for any sign of pain. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. My lip is going to be the kill joy of my existence for a few days but I’m fine.” You place a hand on his shoulder, “thanks for pulling me out of there when you did.”

He shakes his head, “it was nothing.”

“It was more than you know, and I know you were only there because Uncle Sam made you, but I still wanted to thank you.”

He can’t help the wide smile that stretches across his lips. “I’ll always be there for you.”

-

Sam throws you over his shoulder. “Babe, where’s the extra wood I keep for the winter?”

“Back room, why?” She asks, watching as you beat on his back.

“I’m locking some doors.”

“Sam, no!” You screech. “Boys, help me.”

“He’s the alpha, what he says go,” Paul tells you.

“You suck, Lahote.”

“You’re gonna be swallowing, princess.”

Paul has never shifted and ran out of his alpha’s place as quickly as he did today.

The others lose their minds as he runs all around, nearly bumping into the clearwater siblings as they head towards the place.

-

Tag list (if you'd like to be added or removed, don't hesitate to ask)

@kmc1989 @gilbertgirl13

[julesarefunny]

Redacted headcanons cuz doing homework is for the weak 💪

Guy had a phase during his highschool days where he was REALLY into psychology and considered getting a degree on it when he goes to college.

Asher called David a sigma once during a pack meeting. It was met with silence and a smack on the back of his head (you decide who did the smacking.)

Vincent teases Sam about doing stereotypical cowboy shit like riding a horse and panning for gold, and Sam just grumbles back as a response because he actually has done those things and can't talk back.

Cam really likes the smell of lavender. He has a small lavender-scented felt ball that he brings everywhere in his pocket and sniffs it to calm his nerves.

Sunshine bites their nails when they're anxious or stressed, and when they were locked in the basement of CloseKnit they almost bite their nails till they bled.

Blue eyes intrigue Caelum. Whenever there's someone with blue eyes is in his general vicinity he stares right at them very intensely.

Damien has some grey hairs because of stress and genetics and the damn crew tease him about it. He also has the grampa shoes.

Honey randomly remembers dumb shit Guys says when they're at work and quietly giggles to themselves because Guy is just a dumb little shit that they love.

Giraffes confuse the hell out of Gavin. He refuses to believe that these long-necked, stubby-horned, cheetah horse donkey creature are just walking around somewhere on this planet.

When he was young, Lasko had bumps on his arms and used to pick on them when he was bored, leaving behind small wounds that would later become small scars.

Milo can spell and also has shit handwriting. Some words he can't spell include, but aren't restricted to: College, giraffe, traffic, cigarette, silhouette, television, suspicious, etc, etc. (He spells etc as ect.)

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk

[ineffably-smote]

Macbeth, David Tennant - A very subjective, spoiler and emotion filled review

Just walking out of seing Macbeth at the Donmar and I have Feelings. Unsurprisingly, I primarily went to see it because David Tennant was in it. I love the play, big fan of Shakespeare but the trip to London was most certainly motivated by a very specific actor. Hence the highly subjective review. Fortunately, I also happen to quite like Macbeth. We studied it at school, and it holds a special place in my heart (back then, Hamlet was my favourite Shakespeare play but honestly, after tonight, I’m not so sure anymore. Anyway, I digress). It was my first time actually seeing an actor I’m a fan of in real life, so obviously the entire time my brain was just going oh my god that’s David Tennant oh my god that’s David Tennant like I actually could not comprehend it. The man I’ve spent hours staring at on a little screen is suddenly real, and right there. So yeah, that took me a hot second.

(Excuse the piss poor image quality, I took this with shaky hands without looking or bothering to focus the cam)

The Staging

Still starstruck and a bit dazed, one thing really really stood out to me: the staging. It was so, so good. I knew it was going to be minimal from the pictures I had seen, and it was, but it was also so insanely real. There were barely any decorations, and half the cast and the musicians were hidden behind a glass screen doing background noises and gestures. From where I was sitting I could not see them much, but could definitely hear them which added to the overall atmosphere. The stage was also really tiny, and the play benefitted incredibly from it. All the action was happening in one tight space that had been put to use incredibly well, particularly the banquet scene but I’ll come back to that because it deserves its own paragraph.

The way they chose to do the soliloquies was so fitting - all the actors start to move in slow motion - everyone else slowing down and just the characters speaking moving was so good, it made sense.

The Headphones

I’m a bit mixed about the headphones. They were amazing for the vibes, we could hear whispers and they really heightened some of the emotional speeches in the play - because when someone is struggling with guilt and trauma it makes sense for them to be mumbling rather than yelling. So that was really great. However, especially in the scenes where the actors where yelling/ loud I preferred to take them off a bit cause it felt more real that way. I’m so used to hearing actors voice on recordings, it does hit different when you can hear them for real. But, as I said, personal preference and that’s what’s nice, you can take them on and off as much as you want.

Famous Speeches

There were three speeches I was quite interested to see how they were going to be adapted - scorpions and dagger for Macbeth, and out damned spot for Lady Macbeth. These are classic, everyone knows the words, the plot but they managed to make it feel real in a new and touching way. I think here the headphones were quite helpful because they allowed the actors to actually whisper parts of those lines. They were so subtle, so embedded in the text they felt so natural which imbued them with all their power. I saw in a review Cush Jumbo’s out damned spot speech be described as “haunting”, and I wholeheartedly agree.

The Macbeths

I didn’t like Macbeth, the character, very much when I first learnt about him. His actions didn’t make sense to me, I couldn’t quite comprehend in my 21st century little brain how he went from I’m super loyal to the King to I will freely murder children for shits and giggles. But now, now I understand. It makes sense, it’s believable. And that’s a mix of the acting choices and teh overall setting. Like the opening scene, instead of presenting Macbeth as a glorious hero, he is presented to us as a traumatised hero. He spends the first few minutes washing the blood of his clothes, haunted by noises from the battlefield. And that sets the themes quite nicely, not ambition, as Tennant specified in an interview, but guilt and trauma. There are so many ways to interpret Shakespeare, that’s the beauty of it, and I think this version of Macbeth just resonated more with me (maybe because ambition I don’t quite understand but guilt I am intimately familiar with? Or maybe because it was David Tennant? I don’t know, probably a bit of both). Tennant delivers a convincing Macbeth. Yes, you can see his ambitions play out, but also his fears, his guilt, and that makes him into a complex three dimensional character that you want to understand.

And I absolutely loved this version of Lady Macbeth. Not just a powerful woman who bullies her husband into become an evil murderer (because again, here we can see traces of that in Macbeth from the start), but an ambition woman in love, with her husband, with power, and not quite healed from the trauma of loosing her child. Again another review said she is more of an enabler than a manipulator and I quite liked that description.

My Favourite Scenes

God the banquet scene. The one with the ghost of Banquo. An absolute masterpiece. I did not expect that scene to hit that hard. It was raw, it was powerful and even if Tennant was facing away from where I was sitting, even without seeing his face I could feel the emotion, the whole audience could. In a video essay on Tennant, @davidtennantgenderenvy highlighted how in almost every role he played, there is it is the classic Tennant breakdown moment, and breakdown moment it was. Not with tears, not as expressive as he sometime is but just enough for a King trying to hold it together but fear and guilt breaking through. I was absolutely overwhelmed and it was beautiful. The set up for the scene was amazing too - there were ceilidh, celebrations, I adored the contrast between these fast pasted scenes and guilt ridden whispers of the couple. And the way everyone sat down around the stage and suddenly it looked like a banquet table ? Just perfect.

Another really cool moment, less on the emotional side but more on the visuals was when Macbeth goes to get the second prophecy from the witches. Almost the whole cast is there, running around, moving, almost dancing and it gives the whole thing a mystical atmosphere. There’s smoke, Macbeth falls, is carried up high Jesus style, cowers, rises, it’s so busy and insane all the while there are whispers and whispers in the headphones - it manages perfectly to feel like a mystical moment.

Descent Into Madness & other cool things

For Macbeth, having the kid running around scene after scene, haunting him, and then scene where he kills him - GOD it’s powerful. Lady Macbeth’s descent into madness was so well characterised, I also loved the glass on the background that locked away some of the cast. Just wild. The actor that played Malcom actor was also really cool, and Macduff and Ross, big fan of all of them.

Overall I am overwhelmed with emotions. Tennant is truly one of my favourite actors - from Good Omens to Staged, Jessica Jones, even Harry Potter but also Mad to be Normal, Nativty, There She Goes, Around the World in 80 days, Doctor Who (god I’ve started a list, never start lists cause you’ll forget people) and so, so many more, I was truly beside myself with excitement and expectations for tonight. And it did not disappoint. I do not want to leave the theatre and I pray they release a recording of this because I want it imprinted on my soul.

(Side note: I don’t know how to use tumblr very well, for some reason whenever I try to reply to ppl it posts from my other blog? Anyway @raquel-and-sergio is in fact me)

[lizsos]

Chpater 3

Bad girl

Tw : Chapter contains extreme violence, strong language, uncomfortable, disturbing topics, gore , blood and death . None of these characters are real as for the names .please don't take this seriously .

(Enemies to lovers)

(Yandere bada)

(You've been warned .... )

"You know its getting late . We both know how dangerous it is at night especially around these streets" She gets a bit closer to you "How about I take you home with me ?" Bada seductively whispers in your ear .

As much as you wanted to punch this woman and beat her to death , you wouldn't allow yourself to do so . You don't want to deal with causing scene .

You giggle . "No thank you " you politely decline which seemed to annoy yet anger her . From the corner of your eye you see your target

David Kelvin

He was with two other woman . His arms were wrapped around both 0f their waists . You already knew what he was going to do , he walks towards the entrance of the club taking his leave . Bada followed your gaze . Once she spots the man you were looking at , she glares directly at him .

"Who the hell is that bastard ? Y/n should only be laying attention on me!"

She angrily thought to herself . You stand from the booth and face Bada

"It was nice meeting you . See you later love" you calmly say with a smile . You walk away from the booth and follow behind you target . Bada tries to stop you ,but you had already left .

Bada immediately calls her men , ordering them to go after you . His men searched around the building looking for you .

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You followed behind your target and his girls , keeping your distance . You stopped and watched as they walk towards a motel . A very old motel . You smirk "Your just making this easy for me" you wait until they enter a room and lock the door .

As you walk towards the door , you were to busy thinking how you were going to kill him . However , you didn't see a car pulling up to the motel parking lot .

"Shes right there boss" the driver reports to the woman in the back of the car who is directly staring at y/n ."I don't understand why we had to follow her boss ,she's just some whore looking for money and di-" the man in the passenger seat was cut off as hand was on his neck ,cutting of his air ways . The look on Bada's face was cold and dark ,She tightens the grip on the man's neck .

"Don't you dare say disgusting things about her ,Do you understand?"

The main rapidly nods . She lets go and and focuses her gaze on y/n . She completely ignored the man coughing harshly .

Your face turns into pure disgust as he she cam hear "sounds" in the room . "I'm not payed enough to be dealing with this type of shit...." you quietly say .

You pull out your gun that was hidden in your dress . You kick on the doorknob , instantly breaking the door wide open . You received their attention.

"David Kelvin" . You say with a calm tone . David sits up from the bed , startless. The girls scream in horror as they see you holding a gun . He glares at ypu but his expression soon drops once he sees your clan crest . He's now frightened .

"You... you work for that bitch!" He yelled . "Indeed , you should have thought of the consequences before competing your actions. Especially taking the belongings of my boss" you point your gun at him

" This is the end of the line for you "

BANG!

You pulled the trigger and shoot him directly in the head . The girls scream in horror as they see now dead man who was alive a few second ago . Blood decorated the headboard of the room ,blood trading down his bullet wound . The girls push last you running out of the room . You follow behind them .

They scream for help , running and knocking on every room , but here in the Streets of Scarlet nobody really cares since people don't want to be involved in other situations.

BANG!

BANG!

Both of the girls fall limp on the floor . You sigh and walk back in to the room .

Well now I have to get rid of these three. Wonderful.' You sarcastically  thought to yourself. Looking around you spot the girl's purses. The curiosity took the best of you, you checked both of their bags. Looking through their bag you find out information about them. The first you killed was a worker of the night. The other was a worker who forced men and women into prostitution.

You couldn't help but smile as you got rid of another monster off the streets. You look through the room and spotted many weapons on the table and seats. A machete. You grabbed it and walk towards the man.

"That old hag will be pleased once she receives your head."

Bada smirks as she sees you repeatedly bring the machete up and down on the corpses neck. She had to admit, seeing you covered in blood, holding that weapon, it turned her on. "Ive seen that clan crest before...She works for that old woman. She's a dangerous one boss. Are you sure about this?" The driver questions Bada . Bada's smirk turns even darker. She knew she had to have you.

"Ive made my choice and I'm sure about it. Besides... I don't tind a little danger."

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After beheading the man, you put the head in the bag. You heard a ding go off.

Nana

Did you finish the job?'

Y/n

"The job's done. Send someone to pick me up'

Nana

'Wonderful! I knew I could count on you! Send me the location and I'll send someone immediately.

You send the location and continue with the job.

A car suddenly pulls up to the motel. You hear the engine turn off. Walking out the room, you groan in annoyance as you see a woman coming out of the driver's seat. Let's just say this is the last person you wanted to see. "Hey doll face, it's been a while." The woman sends you a wink. "Should've kept it that way. " You say. "Aren't you harsh~" She seductively says. "Shut it Kristen . Help me get rid of these two." You point at the two dead girls.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Who the hell is this woman?!' Bada tells herself. Anger filling her veins. Getting the job done, you go back to the room to retrieve the bag. You were about to open the passenger door when a hand prevents you to do so.

You turn around to see your pinned by none other than Kristen . One hand besides your head and the other on your thigh. "We have some time to orselves. What do you say Y/N?" This wasn't the first she's done this to you. You glare at her.

"Kristen , I swear if you don't get in the damn car ill choke you to death. Here and now." "Kinky~" She replies. You pinch her thigh Hard. "Ouch! I was only kidding." She playfully whines. You roll your eyes and push her off you. "Let's go before you end up like him." You say as you point at the bag, referring to the beheaded man.

Kristen chuckles. "As long as you're the one doing it, I don't mind." She winks at you once again. "You're sick." "Says the woman who shot three people and beheaded one of them " She snapped back. "Touché." You respond giggling a bit. She chuckles. You both get in the car and drive off.

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"Follow them."

"But boss-" the driver is soon interupted. "NOW!" Bada angrily commands. The driver nods and follows you behind. One thing that most members of a clan or mafia gang must know..

Never anger the boss.

Bada promised herself she was going to kill kristen for talking to you, flirting with you, touching you. Oh how she wished she would have killed Kristen right there on the spot. Yet she had to wait. The patience was killing her . She knew you were going to be hers

Soon....

"Nobody touches what belongs to me...'

Nobody touches my woman...'

'Nobody touches my Y/N!"

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First of i wanna say bada is a yandere in this story

Second off this bada ff is an enemies to lovers

Lastly Kristen and y/ns relationship is a love-hate one ... for now

Thats it I think for chapter, I seriously faced a lot of trouble writting it 😅 there will probably be mistake here and there so I apologise for that this chpater was slightly much longer than the first and second chapter so I hope this pays off . Thank you

Tag list " @pinkyqil @urlovebot @nimxie @badaleesbish @badaspebble @badaleeswifey @badasgirlfriend @badaladinha @badaleesimp @allur1ngs @ssivinee @sydnerss @sun-nyy @aericrys @woniverse-writes @galletitaluna

[starysky1289]

Captian!Vanessa X Rookie!Reader. City Patrol

“ Alright, Alright. Settle down. Johanna, David, Andrew, you three will be driving through the eastern side of town. Mike, Steven, Henry, you’ll take the western side. Every one else is on active standby. Dismissed. “

Vanessas voice boomed through the meeting room, her gaze meet yours as you began to pack up for standby.

“ YN. Can I have a word? “

“ yes, Of course Captian. “

You waited for everyone to file out, and you approached Vanessa. You gave her a gentle smile, and she returned it.

“I was wondering if you’d like to accompany me on a patrol though the city. Write tickets, investigate sights, whatever the day gives us. “

“ oh! Captain I’d be honored! “

She smirked, heading towards the door.

“ get your gear, meet me by the car. “

“ yes captain. “

She nodded, and walked away. You hurried to your locker, grabbing your utilitys. Then you tossed on your jacket, the jacket she had given you.

You rushed to meet the by her car. She had an older model, but it still ran just as good as any other corvette.

“ ready rookie? “

“ yes captain. “

You both stepped into the car, buckling up. You watched Vanessa mess with some of the panel buttons, before watching her click off her body camera.

“ turn your body cam off yn, it messes with my radio. “

“ oh- yes captain. “

You clicked your camera off, and with that Vanessa drove off. The snow blew hard against the car, as Vanessa clicked the heat on.

“ tell me yn…why did you want to become a police officer. Pretty face like yours…could have been a model easy. Why waist away here. “

“ because I wanted to make a difference. To bring positive influence to my community. “

“ that’s what they all say…”

Vanessa muttered, her gaze focused ahead. You twiddled your thumbs, glancing away. Did you upset her? Was she in a bad mood.

“ here, let’s get a drink. “

When the two of you got to the city, Vanessa pull the car over. You looked up to see a Starbucks. Vanessa stepped out and walked over to open your door.

“ oh my, t-thank you captain. “

“ shh..so formal yn…you know you can just call me Vanessa~ “

“ w-well…thank you, Vanessa “

She smirked, as the two of you walked towards the door. Vanessa opened it for you and followed after you to the counter. She ordered first.

“ morning, I’ll have a venti signature dark roast. Yn what do you want, I’ll pay. “

“ oh no Vanessa i- “

“ cmon, I insist. “

You blushed, stepping closer to the counter.

“ I’ll have a venti dark roast aswell, but with 5 pumps of vanilla. “

“ oh, and two buttered croissants. “

“ Captian please that’s too much. “

She only smiled at you, swiping her card through the reader. The two of you shuffled to the pickup counter and waited. Vanessa was so sweet, when she talked her voice was heavy, but still soft. She made you feel so warm…so comforting. And this peace was perfect, until there was a crashing through the doors.

“ PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR AND EMPTY YOUR POCKETS. THIS IS A ROBBERY- “

The masked criminal froze when he saw the two of you. You tried your best to remain professional, but Vanessa burst out laughing.

“ did you not see the cop car outside?? Moron. Drop the gun, hands behind your back. “

“ Step closer pig! I’ll blow your brains! “

The criminal raised his gun to Vanessa’s face, and in a second you both pulled out your guns.

“ I can shoot faster than you can think. Drop the gun. Now. “

The criminal hesitated, before dropping the gun. You quickly rushed to him and put him in cuff, instantly reading Miranda rights out. Vanessa called for back up to take the guy away.

“ we’re gonna put this guy away, can you hold into our order? Thank you “

Vanessa tipped the barista, before carefully taking the gun from the ground, carrying it outside.

“ good one YN. Backup should be here to take him away any minute now. “

“ thank you captain. “

Vanessa nodded, and the two of you waited only a moment more, and the car pulled up. They took him and the gun away, leaving you two.

“ you get in the car, I’ll get our drinks. “

Vanessa walked back into the Starbucks, and you settled into the car. She came back a few moments later, sitting in the drivers seat and handing you your drink and croissant.

“ enjoy dear. Let’s go. “

Vanessa started the car, and drove off. The way the lights bounce off the snowy side walks looked like heaven, and the warm presence of Vanessa made everything seem…perfect.

Vanessa suddenly turned into a one way street. It was off the usual patrol route. You glanced around, your stomach fluttered but you trusted Vanessa. She backed down an ally, and parked the car, leaning back in her seat.

The two of you quietly drank and ate, before Vanessa finally broke the silence.

“ so…you’ve got a girl at home yn? “

“ huh- o-oh! No n-no I don’t….”

“ really? Thought the girls would be chasing you down…a smart, pretty, strong, gorgeous girl like you….id be Chasing you if i could~ “

You blushed, burying your face in your hands. You felt Vanessa’s hands gently pry them off your face. Her gentle eyes stared right into yours.

“ the cameras don’t affect the radio at all, do they~? “

“ not at all rookie, no they do not~ “

And with that she pulled you into a kiss, you gave in, pressing against her. Her tongue pressed against your lips, as if asking for entrance, and you happily let them in.

“ a-ah…Vanessa…what about the c-cars camera….”

“ i deactivated it. Im captain, I know how to work my car~ “

The two of you continued your make out sessions, Vanessa’s hands dragged across your body before she pulled back and chuckled.

“ go in the back, I wanna try something~ “

You giggled, quickly stepping out into the cold and back into the back. Vanessa sat down first, then pulled you onto her lap. The two of you continued your make out, Vanessa’s hands trailing up your back and cupping your clothed breasts.

“ fuck….i want you yn…i fucking want you- “

“Captian, come in. We’re having an issue with the system, can you come check it out? “

Vanessa’s radio on her chest buzzed, as she picked it yo and answered it snappily.

“ yeah yeah I’m coming. Give me a few…”

Vanessa turned off the radio, sighing and looking back to you.

“fucking morons….we have to go back, I need to teach them how to do there job “

“ but we were just having fun Vanessa…”

“ I know, I know. But…maybe I can take you on a date sometime soon? And we can make out some more then~ “

“ I-I’d love that Vanessa~! “

The two of you pressed your heads together, kissing one last time before stepping out of the car, and back into the front seats.

Vanessa started the car, and the two of you drove off. As she drove, your mind wandered. How muscular her build her, how strong she is…before you landed on another thought.

“ Vanessa…”

“ yeah baby? “

“ isn’t this…wrong. Us having a…relationship….”

Vanessa stiffened, like she had been avoiding the question. She sipped her coffee again before turning down the street.

“ yeah…it’s risky for both of us…but I..I don’t wanna ignore this YN…”

Vanessa placed a hand on your thigh, as you gently placed your hand ontop of hers.

“ I think,….we could try to make this work…and if it doesn’t then it doesn’t….but I want this…”

You smiled at her vulnerability. You picked up her hand and kissed it gently, interlacing your fingers in hers.

“ I think…I want this too…I wanna make this work. “

The two of you smiled, keeping hands held for the rest of the drive to the police station. As you pulled into the garage, Vanessa stepped out and opened the door for you again.

“ so polite Captain “

“ of course. Anything for you~ “

You chuckled, walking back into the station. Vanessa went the own way to help the others, and you turned to your locker to look at your phone quickly. You’ve never felt so…so seen. So wanted. You’d do anything and everything to make this work.

You…loved her.

[autisticempathydaemon]

we stroll along (walking in a winter wonderland)

A Skyside holiday exchange gift for @sainthowlzon organized by the adored @angelicaether yes it's January fifth but it's still Winter so run with it

Tags: Vega/Warden (Darling), David/Asher, Sam/Darlin, William/Camelopardalis, Porter/Treasure, mentions of food, mild violence, mild gore Also available on AO3

It is a miraculously white Christmas in Dahlia. This year, the cold winds had blown down just right from the nearby mountains and blanketed the picturesque college town in a glistening sheet of snow straight from a Rockwell painting. Everyone, empowered and unempowered alike, can feel the wonder of Christmas magic in the air. Little did they know how close beings of pure, concentrated magic sat watching, judging. 

“I will never understand humans and their inexplicable wonder at something so pedestrian and natural as frozen, falling water,” Warden muses. In a park below, an energetic wolf shifter leaps into the snow and disappears into the unshoveled heap. His companion- his Alpha, Warden deduces from his aura- watches with an affectionate amusement that doesn’t show on his scowling face. Instead of seeing it, the Warden can taste it- the warm, honeysuckle sweetness of a love left to simmer underneath a pot lid. In contrast, the beta’s joy is fizzing, effervescent, threatening to boil over as he looks up at the taller man with a bright, sunny grin. Visible only to Warden’s Aria-borne senses, their cores mingle and harmonize.

Easily spotted by the inchoate on their rooftop perch but unseen by the enamored wolves, one of their pack sits with a vampire on the other side of the park. The two sit quietly on a bench, facing the garishly lit and decorated evergreen tree that the humans put up for the season, illuminating the boulevard with flashing, twinkling lights. Warden, who coalesced to the sight of the cosmos studded with eons-old stars, always found the ornaments on Elegy to be a poor facsimile. The couple below seem to enjoy it at least, sitting silently but comfortably, shoulders touching, as the world clatters and clamors around them. Their serenity is cool and refreshing; their comfortable intimacy tastes of warm, yeasty bread cut fresh out of the oven. 

The wolf leans their head on the vampire’s shoulder, turning to press a kiss to his scarf-covered neck, and their love adds a sweetness to their flavor. It reminds the inchoate of a rich chocolate being drizzled atop the toasted bread of their peace, the sweetness not cloying or overbearing but complementary, balanced. Unfortunately, Warden senses they are not the only d(a)emon lured by the meal and carefully retreats further into the shadows with a watchful eye. After a moment, familiar, blue-tinted horns come into view, and Camelopardalis walks from behind the tree, him and his companion waving politely at the other couple. 

At seeing their former coworker, an uncomfortable feeling stirs in the inchoate where their stomach would be. Without the added context of taste and flavor sensations, their own emotions remain inscrutable and unsatisfying, impossible to properly name or express. When they see Cam smiling so easily, arm in arm with his vampire companion, Warden cannot say what the twisting in their abdomen means, what the magic running sharp and cold under their skin is trying to convey; they just know they don’t like it. 

To escape the frivolity and saccharine spectacle, the inchoate travels across the rooftops, walking through the rifts from one to another. The snow, lights, and auras blur into a monotonous, humming drone, a dull, tasteless barrage of one-dimensional sweetness on Warden’s tongue. Then something heady edges alongside their consciousness- something rich and spicy like Christmas wine spiked with cloves paired with prime rib dripping with herbed tallow. 

In the alleyway below, another vampire uses the din of the nearby street to cloak his misdeeds. Warden watches as a knife- surely laced with demon blood by the way its waning magic calls to them- is buried in another vampire’s throat and twisted with callous efficiency. It is done so quickly, with such sharp, unyielding movements, that the inchoate hardly has time to savor his bloodlust before it blends with the sour, metallic tang of grim pride at a bloody job well done. The man turns on his heel, strutting down the alley and tossing the blade over his shoulder with gloved hands and hardly a care. He walks with purpose, a bounce in his step, and a feeling emanating off of him too lusting and hungry to be called happiness. The vampire’s intense, tempestuous emotions mix into a potent cocktail reminiscent of gore and viscera, the only sweetness that of slain flesh. It both repulses Warden and entices them; their core hums in want.

“My Darling,” a rumbling voice hums in their mind. “Did you find us something to eat?” Vega’s claws trail lightly down Warden’s horns, sending shivers down their corporeal form, and they nod obediently, wordlessly. The sadism demon nods approvingly at them, his eyes glow a piercing, burning red; he turns, skulking toward that night’s meal, and Warden follows like a lamb to the shepherd, a magi to the brightest star.

[v4mp1res3verywhere]

Darry taking care of you after getting your wisdom teeth removed would entail;

tags/warnings: [no warnings really besides Darry being a little shit and also being completely in love with you, cringe dialogue ahead, established relationship, fem reader, he’s in college in the film so it’s not really college AU! But]. genre: 🧸fluff

a/n:this is kind of a random starting point lmao, I’m slowly wading back into writing but alas, I fear I’m a bit too discombobulated and unfocused to write out an entire fic so here are some headcannons to work through the writers block and also because we all deserve a Darry, i think 🧋⌨️

* If he had access to you right afterwards he’d definitely be recording you.

* “How’re you feeling baby?” He’d snicker while eying you through the Lens of his cam-recorder , waiting for you to say something stupid having not realized that those failarmy videos tend to be outliers and you were most likely just gonna be tired.

* He’d also probably try and tell you weird lies to see if your sense of reality was off enough for you to bite.

* “Hey babe? Holy shit- is David from the lost boys outside the car window?”

* He’d insist on being your designated driver and would pay very close attention to whatever discharge instructions you were given so he knew how to best care for you.

* Dude has the absolute biggest soft spot for you, seeing you all loopy would just trigger it even more .

* “Aww, c’mere sweetheart, you okay?” He’d ask softly , wrapping his arms around you to steady you.

* After asking five more times how you were doing in the car, he’d ask you if you wanted anything on the way home as though you truly had a choice; a milkshake would be mandatorily bought.

* He’d cancel anything just to make sure he could say with you. Classes, work; he even asked his strictest professor for time off.

* “An excused absence? For what, exactly?“

* “My girlfriends getting her wisdom teeth taken out, I just need to make sure she gets home okay and everything.”

* He always feels his heart swell a little anytime he refers to you as his girlfriend to anyone else.

* As corny as it is it just forces him to re-conceptualize the fact that the two of you are together and it hits him all over again.

* even using the title with his grumpy physics professor gives him a weird sense of pride.

* In general darry is a very attentive lover.

* He’s a sensitive person and along with that comes a certain level of intuitiveness , he can often read the room to see how he can make you more comfortable, to think of anything you need etc.

* if you’re missing classes and there’s things you can’t access online he’ll be sure to get them for you.

* you want a bag of Cheetos? An iced coffee? It’s yours, doesn’t matter what time of day or night, darry is an absolute simp and would get it for you though depending on his mood he may get a little whiny (as though it hadn’t been his intent to get it for you the entire time. )

* So as you can imagine, the above applies even more so if you’re sick or need to be taken care of.

* Trish, who sees her brother as immature and selfish (albeit, in an endearingly annoying kid brother way) would be flabbergasted once she witnessed how tentative her brother is around you.

* She’d never admit it to him directly but it’d make her proud to see how much he’d matured though she’d probably tell you as much, jokingly asking what you did to straighten him out.

* He’ll literally get you anything you’d ever want or need and would stay with you throughout the period of your recovery.

* Even things that you deemed as gross or embarrassing wouldn’t deter him from wanting to be at your side.

* “Darry, don’t look!” You slurred around the gauze you were attempting to pull from your mouth, looking up at his reflection appearing behind you. He scoffed, holding you against him by your hips as his eyes met yours in the mirror . “What?“

* “I don’t want you to see me like this it’s gross”

* “You getting shy on me?” He’d snake his arms around you at that, laughing into your hair.

* “Relax, sweetheart. Only embarrassing thing is you can’t kiss me, fuckin loser.”

* But make no mistake, he’d 100% be teasing you the whole time.

* If your lips and chin are numb at first he’s gonna constantly tell you that you’re drooling on him since you can’t tell whether it’s true or not.

* “Shut up, man.” He laughed as you elbowed him lightly once your the back of your hand came back from your chin dry.

* Darry is pretty clingy so this is ideal for him (well, minus you being in pain), he’s happy to have an excuse just to spend time with you.

* He wouldn’t even playfully banter about which movie you should put on, he’d let you have full reign over the remote .

* He’d also make sure you had the appropriate snacks that wouldn’t exacerbate your condition as well.

* “Shit, uh…what do old people with no teeth eat? Ice cream, yeah?”

* “what the fuck Darry”

* You guys don’t fight a lot but playful banter is a staple, just like it was before the two of you started dating .

* Since he knows you better than anyone else, both as a lover and as a friend, he’d gauge how facetious to get with you and would be much gentler if need be, his banter would be for the benefit of your amusement rather than to engage in the usual back and forth you’d grown accustomed to.

* Especially seeing as how your capabilities for speech would be limited.

* (He would tease you a little on that though, for sure)

* He’s touch starved, you can’t tell me otherwise and would just completely bask in your company as he spooned you on the couch or where ever the two of you happened to be.

* He’s pretty gentle by nature but he’d make sure to be extra careful with how he held you, making sure not to put pressure against your face when you laid against him.

* Would let you wear his clothes if you wanted, might steal one of your t-shirts to make you laugh.

* “What? You gonna call me a poser because I don’t listen to…” He trails off, stifling a laugh and pulling the fabric from his midriff to make out the writing on whichever one of your band shirts he’d grabbed.

* Stroking your hair from your face as he looks at you, teasing you for having “chipmunk cheeks” from the swelling while simultaneously touching you with the most tenderness you’d ever been Handled with.

* “Y’know, you look cute this like this”

* “Hm?”

* “Quiet, for once.”

He’d literally squeal as you dangled a gross bloody tissue at him in mock reprimand of his comment.

* Even softer than usual, calling you all the most sentimental pet names he has for you (and the sillier ones as well of course, that can’t be helped )

* Sweetheart, baby, pretty girl, princess etc.

* He’s definitely the type to verbalize it often, but his actions are blatant testimony to how much he loves you.

[permanently-stressed]

Intro Post ⋆｡°✩

I've been here for about two months, but I never had a good intro post so this is it!

Media I Like: (I might not post about most of these a lot but they're all dormant obsessions of mine)

Keeper Of The Lost Cities (I mainly post about this)

Anne Of Green Gables

The Chronicles Of Narnia

The Medoran Chronicles

The Hunger Games

The Inheritance Games

The Naturals

Percy Jackson And The Olympians

39 Clues (first season only!)

Miraculous

Downton Abbey

The Lunar Chronicles

Noah Kahan, Gracie Abrams, Taylor Swift, David Kushner

The Ascendance Series

The Queen's Thief Series (have not read the last two books tho)

About Me:

I'm a Reformed Christian, so if that's something you want to avoid, by all means block me

I'm Brazilian (and Italian), you'll hear it mentioned a lot

I love all my moots <3

My ask box is open for headcannon requests, fic recommendations, or just overall randomness!

I write original fiction and fanfiction.

My ao3 is PermanentlyStressed and my writing blog is @writing-rambles-by-isa

My idea of coping is making a Pinterest board and a playlist

I rule the dexiana tag with @aspenaspenaspenaspenaspen

I'm Mirrored Conflict's ( @myfairkatiecat 's fic) number one fan

@sasharcyreal wants me behind bars (she makes great art btw)

I was heavily involved in the creation of Tam Cam (and also very involved in @official-tam-cam identity shenanigans)

Yeah that's it, enjoy the blog

[inuhiime]

:: 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 !

' i invented a world because death is unknowable and someone i loved was about to live there ' ( ramona ausubel )

' because it's mine, i wait for it to die. then i bury it ' ( carrie fountain )

' it's okay. i love you, it's okay ' ( aracelis girmay )

' what's the word for being born of sorrow that isn't yours? ' ( cam awkward-rich )

' we were hungry, and human, and knew exactly what we were doing ' ( ali shapiro )

' what you fear will not go away : it will take you into yourself and bless you and keep you ' ( william stafford )

' it hasn't escaped me that the object that keeps me alive is the same one that will kill me ' ( margartet atwood )

' didn't you have to promise, a hundred times, not to die? ' ( rainer maria rilke )

' i don't remember my youth, do you think that i do? ' ( sheila heti )

' that's how it is for humans, unless and until they are tragic ' ( michael kinnucan )

' those who have died are always in my prayers ' ( nick cave )

' of course the love is there ' ( anne sexton )

' whatever you need. there's no rush ' ( durga chew-bose )

' in the next world, should i remember this one, i will praise it above everything ' ( david ignatow )

' last night i dreamt about you ' ( franz kafka )

' go on, talk to me, please ' ( william carlos williams )

' it's not enough to brace yourself ; eventually you must allow this world to hit you in the face ' ( carrie fountain )

' so what is the fuck is the matter with me? ' ( tony kushner )

' i'm preparing myself for a series of ongoing burials ' ( hanif abdurraqib )

' what sense could there be in that? ' ( anne carson )

' i love you with what in me is unfinished ' ( robert bly )

' i was there. i am always here ' ( summer farah )

' don't tell me your fears. let's just swap our worst pick up lines ' ( ali shapiro )

' i missed sadness because i no longer missed you ' ( paul guest )

' here is the game : today you are not going to die ' ( grant howitt )

' you thought you could make things be a certain way ' ( fleda brown )

' let it hurt. but let me survive ' ( susan sontag )

' i don't know, but you were there and i was there ' ( ada limón )

' i will not do the old things that i've always done ' ( heather havrilesky )

' it was an honor to have loved you ' ( joanna klink )

' i'm not so sure i need to say goodbye anymore ' ( nick cave )

' didn't you wake up feeling that you had no future? ' ( rainer maria rilke )

' there's no such thing as life, it's just catastrophe ' ( anne carson )

' do you think anything else under heaven really matters? ' ( james baldwin )

' why are we equal parts tender and not? ' ( james hoch )

' you will save yourself. you cannot help it ' ( molly brodak )

' we have to put our hands in the earth to make ourselves whole again ' ( robin wall kimmerer )

' i have killed for it and would again ' ( natalie shapero )

' i want to know what is holy ' ( carrie fountain )

' aren't we all disquieted by what we'll leave behind? ' ( durga chew-bose )

' so take me with you as a reminder that this present moment will one day be gone ' ( sheila heti )

' it's not sad at all, any of it ' ( carl phillips )

' i left the last of you to be lost in the fog inside me ' ( paul guest )

' in the whole entire world, you are the only person, the only person i love or have ever loved ' ( tony kushner )

' i could have told you it's all right, it's going to be all right ' ( carmen maria machado )

' you are wasting this life expecting disappointment ' ( eliza griswold )

' it's okay. i think i did what i could ' ( jane mead )

' i don't think we're all meant to save the world all the time ' ( andrew garfield )

' sometimes, when i'm careless, i think survival is easy ' ( ocean vuong )

' i'm satisfied with being. are you? ' ( clarice lispector )

[spookyblazecoffee]

“When we were younger, Cam said that he would take Jordan, Isaac, and I anywhere we wanted to go when we were all out of high school. We were gonna travel the world.” Liam says, breaking the silence, “What?” Theo asks, sitting up, “You asked me to tell you some stuff I remember from my childhood.” Liam explains, also sitting up “Right, I did.” Theo responds, “D’you have anything else?” he questions.

“Every break from school except for winter break and Thanksgiving break, after Cam got his driver's license. We would all pile into the car that David got him and go on a little road trip to Nevada, Arizona, or Oregon. It depended on where we had gone the last time.” Liam answers, “We- we would take some tents and a couple of sleeping bags, and, if it was nice enough, we would sleep outside under the stars.” he adds, smiling fondly at the memory.

“Anything else?” Theo inquires after a little while, “I’m thinking.” Liam responds.

“On one of the trips, Isaac left his shoes outside the tent he and Jordan were sharing, because he jumped in a lake we were nearby with them on, and his shoes got stolen. We had to go to a store and buy him some new ones.” Liam says, when he remembers another thing, “W-we also- whenever mom called to check in on us during the trips, Isaac and I would practically fall over each other to be the first to say hi.” Liam has a genuine smile on his face, “She always laughed at us when we did it, saying that we didn’t have to race to do stuff before the other.” he continues, laughing happily.

“Isaac and I were very competitive kids, always fighting to be the first one to get mom’s attention, or her help with our homework. Probably because we’re only two years apart, but still.” Liam states.

“Do you have any pictures from the trips?” Theo asks, “They seem like very nice memories, I would love to see some if you do.” he adds, “Yeah! Uh, yeah, I do.” Liam responds, “Give me one second?” he asks, Theo nods in response.

Liam rushes out of his room and grabs a box from the top of a closet. It’s labeled “The kids’ road trips” in red sharpie.

Liam sets the box on his bed and opens it. Theo eyes the box with a furrowed brow.

“We took a lot of pictures.” Liam explains, picking up a picture of he and Isaac at a campfire with smores in their hands, chocolate on their faces, and wet hair moved out of their eyes so they don’t get food in it. “This was the summer I re-learned to swim.” he says, “Re-learned?” Theo questions, “I don’t swim much, so I forgot.” Liam answers, “It’s also the summer Camden got swimmer’s ear.” he adds, “Really?” Theo asks, “Yeah, he swam too far down and mom had to help him put drops in his ear when we got back.” Liam responds, picking up another photo.

“This picture was taken while Jordan went to get more wood for the fire, when he got back he set the wood down quietly and snuck up behind me and Isaac scaring us by tapping on our shoulders.” he says, Theo laughs a little and grabs another photo, “What’s the story behind this one?” he asks.

“Oh!” Liam shouts, “Oh no, I didn’t know that one was in there!” he adds, taking it from the other, Theo’s interest obviously peaks, “Now you definitely have to tell me the story.” Theo states, “That was the summer before Cam left, I spent most of the time clinging on to him, I just- I wouldn’t let go of him. I knew that it would be the last trip of the year, because Jordan, Isaac and I promised to not go on another trip until he got back. This was the last photo we ever took with him. Even after we got back from the trip, I would ask to sleep in his room with him. It was like I knew something bad would happen, but  I obviously couldn’t ask him to stay. It’s weird, because I was almost eight in this picture, he didn’t die till I was ten.” Liam explains, “Maybe it was some sort of intuition?” Theo says, “You think I’m psychic or something like that?” Liam questions, “Maybe.” Theo answers, shrugging. Liam rolls his eyes.

“Let’s move onto other photos, okay?” Liam asks, Theo nods.

“What about this one?” Theo inquires, holding up a picture of Camden and Jordan lifting Liam up while holding his hands. “Izzy took that one when we went to the store to get snacks on our way to grandma’s house. When I was younger I liked when people would swing me, but only Cam and JJ could lift me as high as I would like.” Liam answers, “That one isn’t really from a road trip with just us, but Cam, Jordy, Iz, and I were all in the same car, so I guess that’s why it ended up in this box.” he adds.

“Was it nice?” Theo questions, “Yeah, yeah it was.” Liam answers, “I miss these moments, but, Cam’s dead, Jordan, he’s doing his own thing at the police department, and Isaac, well, let’s just say we stopped arguing about who’s gonna get mom’s help and attention first. I know that he needed to leave, get this town in the past and everything, but… I wish he would’ve waited. Y’know?” he continues, “Yeah, I know what you mean.” Theo responds.

A silence falls across the room, the only sound being soft breathing coming from the two.

“I miss them.” Liam whispers, “What?” Theo questions.

“My family… I miss them. I know that they’re not really gone, well, except for Cam, but… I miss being a kid, and only worrying about when the next trip we are gonna go on is, n-not worrying if I’m gonna lose anymore friends, or family… I miss going around the mall on Camden’s shoulders because I get tired of walking. I miss being carried to my room after pretending to fall asleep in the car on the way home. I miss sleeping under the stars with my big brothers next to me, knowing that whatever happens they will always be there for me. I miss being a kid. I miss Cam. I miss Camden, Jordan, and Isaac laughing at the stupid jokes I make. I miss being told I’m gonna be okay after I fall off of my bike. I miss my brothers always being able to cheer me up no matter what. I miss getting stuffed animals from Cam on my birthday, stuffed animals that I still have no idea how he bought. I mi- I miss e-everything.” Liam responds, crying by the end.

“Liam,” Theo starts, pulling the younger one into a hug, “You’ll be fine, everything will be fine.” he continues, “Leave town.” Liam says, pulling away from the hug, “What?” Theo asks, “Leave town.” Liam repeats sternly, “No why?” the taller questions, “Because, everyone that I care about always ends up getting hurt or dead, I don’t want that to happen to you.” he explains, “And, as much as you leaving will hurt, you dying will hurt so much worse.” the younger adds, “I am not leaving, and nothing you say can make me. I am not running from my problems, Liam.” Theo says, “Besides, you just said me leaving will hurt you, and honestly, I don’t want to hurt you anymore than I already have.” he continues, pulling Liam back into a hug.

“I want Camden to come back.” Liam whispers, “I know you do, Li.” Theo responds, holding the younger closer, “I didn’t mean what I said, I don’t want you to leave… no matter how much it seems like I do.” Liam states, “I know. I’ll always know.” the taller says, “Good, you should know that.” Liam answers, Theo chuckles, “I’ll make sure I don’t forget then.” he responds, “Awesome, will you pick up the pictures?” Liam questions, “I want to sleep.” he adds, “Of course I will, you didn’t even have to ask.” Theo answers.

After Theo takes the box off of Liam’s bed and puts the pictures in it he goes to ask Jenna where to put it. “Stay?” Liam asks before the other leaves, “But the box?” Theo inquires, “Leave it, I’ll deal with it in the morning. Please, just stay?” the younger responds, “Okay, Liam.” Theo answers, “Good, lie down.” Liam says, pointing to the spot in front of him. Theo lies down wordlessly turned towards the younger and Liam moves closer to him.

“Thank you.” Liam says sleepily, “You’re welcome.” Theo responds.

[adridoesstuff]

Rant/Roast/Personal thoughts on the 2022 Schönbrunn concert version of Elisabeth das musical

So, inspired by the insightful video on this topic by fellow content creator @fitzrove , I decided to write down all my impulsive thoughts while watching this production, since Fitz's video will probably be the only bearable way I will watch the concert version.

Disclaimer: any criticism in the following list isn't meant as a direct criticism of the actors, they are just on that stage doing their job. But this is mainly a criticism of the creative team behind the production (i.e. director, choreographer, designers, casting directors...etc.), who are the main driving force and reason behind how a show looks and feels.

Disclaimer no. 2: The following text contains swearing. A LOT OF IT. And a lot of capslock. This production brought forth the worst in me while writing this and I wrote this at 4 am in the morning, so, you have been warned.

• Already hating the picture frame set and we didn't even begin

• The choreography for Prolog is already abysmal

• Why are we going off on the pyros? We didn't even get through the Prolog

• Whatever they have the Todesengel doing on the frame is dumb

• THE CROTCH CAM. Who's idea was it, because that is literally the worst angle they could have chosen

• Abla is so cute, but they did her so dirty with that dress and they didn't even try when doing her wig's hairline

• I miss Max wearing hunting clothes :( because where the hell is he going dressed like that?

• Why did they omit the line about Sisi wanting to join the circus if she weren't a princess? (Is it because of that damned swing?)

• Why did they decide to make a 3 year gap between Wie Du and Schön euch alles zu sehen? Because that makes Sisi 10/11 or younger during Wie Du, which just seems like an unnecessary change

• The amount of skirt hiking I see here is already exceeding my limits and we're not even 15 minutes in

• No costumes for the ensemble? I thought this was supposed to be the SPECTACULAR new version

• THE DREADED SWING. And it's even dumber than I expected

• I could already see Mark creeping in the background, so talk about an anticlimactic reveal

• And the inclusion of KKOG, my beloathed.

• The entire staging of KKOG here makes zero sense

• Mark, please get off that fucking swing. I don't care that you can take a seat on it from behind, just get off

• Also, why is Mark in white? Literally, why? When they kept in the lyric "Ich erkenn dich, schwartzer Prinz"? It makes no sense

• Ok, Lucheni on the swing is cute and understandable

• Andre was a good Franz back in the 1st revival, but at this point, he's too old to play a younger Franz in Act 1. If you're gonna split cast Elisabeth, do a split cast for Franz as well.

• And this gets only more apparent with Sophie, since the actress playing her looks about the same age as Andre. They literally look more like a husband and wife than mother and son

• Sophie's dress isn't bad per se, it is just very bland

• The male ensemble got some truly hideous coats for Jedem gibt er das seine

• Why are we skipping over the historical goodies of this scene? Literally, those were the whole point there

• PROLONGED HAND SHOT

• The costume department seems to have bulk bought that chunky gold trim and just said fuck it and put in on everyone's coat

• Abla stealing the conductor's wand and trying to conduct is so cute

• Her dress? Not so much. Very bland

• Literally, why are they cutting so much of the book? And especially Lucheni's lines in the middle of So wie man plant und denkt?

• The age difference is even worse now, that Abla and Andre are standing side by side (not looking forward to Nichts ist schwer)

• I miss Lucheni messing with Helene and Sophie :(

• I didn't think I'd like David Jakobs as Lucheni, but he and Abla are the only saving graces on that stage thus far

• Imagine what David could do with good staging and direction a la 1st revival and a complete book

• I even dare say that he could pull off being a Der Tod in the vein of Martin Markert, because he does have that chaotic "came here to fuck around" energy

• Yep, Andre and Abla look more like father and daughter together than a freshly engaged couple

• Okay, Lucheni holding the box with the necklace while giving the most dead pan face straight into the camera is honestly funny

• That necklace doesn't look the least bit heavy. It's literally just felt with some rhinestones

• They literally couldn't even give Abla's wig some forehead curls to mask that god-awful hairline? And they couldn't even curl it properly?

• Was the budget so tight that they couldn't even give the ensemble ladies ONE DECENT COSTUME?

• And they couldn't even iron or at least steam the wrinkles out of that wedding dress? And yes, I don't like it in all it's polyester glory

• The decision to have Mark's legs framed in the shot between Abla and Andre is a CHOICE

• Also, it doesn't look like Mark will change into the black costume anytime soon. Or at all for that matter. So much for the angels being in black

• Talk about "spectacular concert production". Yeah, spectacular that over half the costumes that should be here aren't even present and the set is amateurish at best

• And did Mark literally only stand there to do that evil laugh and then leave? Couldn't he have done that somewhere else?

• Oh, god, did I already mention that the choreography is bad. I can literally do better in my room at 3 am and I am an utter klutz

• I can't even make an argument for the exaggerated whisper motions being camp, because that clearly wasn't what they were going for

• Those colored gloves on the ensemble ladies are so fugly

• Also, the choice to have Elisabeth present while the entire nobility talks shit about her is a MASSIVE CHOICE

• Did Mark have in his contract that he must appear for a certain amount of time on stage? Because why is he standing there in the background?

• MARK, STOP CLIMBING UP THERE

• Okay, him telepathically controlling Elisabeth like a puppet could be an interesting idea anywhere but in a post 2012 production, where in their last scene together he told her "instead of ruling over you, I will be loved". Just makes Der Tod look like an ass

• WHY ISN'T THE ENSEMBLE FROZEN? WHY ISN'T ANYONE FROZEN FOR THAT MATTER?

• Manhandling your love interest is not the way to go unless you're Maté!Tod, who is essentally a giant cat in a human body. It's understandable then, because it does go along with the characterization there, but not HERE

• That was literally the unsexiest hip thrust ever

• Did Abla and Andre literally just flee the scene so that Mark could have his lead man big number finale moment for himself?

• I don't know how I didn't mention this already but MARK, TUCK YOUR GODDAMN SHIRT IN

• Did they literally cut the entirety of Die Gaffer?

• But when I think about it, it's probably better not hearing about the onsetting wedding night in this casting situation

• But they are doing David dirty by cutting so many of his lines

• And they literally cut the entire first verse of Eine Keiserin muss glänzen. Like, what's the rush, besties? You don't have a train to catch

• That change over between Abla and Maya was interesting, but I still am very much against the split track and plus the place they did it makes zero sense

• Did they hire the shittiest wig makers in Vienna for this? Because Maya also didn't get a wig with a decent hairline

• And they couldn't make the puffed sleeves on the nightgowns any less awkwardly short, could they?

• But Maya and Abla both slayed the vocals

• WHY DID THEY CUT STATIONEN EINE EHE??????!!!!

• If someone were to see this show for the first time here, they must be so fucking confused

• And if they want to excuse that by "oh, we're making it more understandable for a mass audience" BULLSHIT, YOU'RE NOT! You're making it LESS understandable by cutting all the context

• Also, the atillas look hideous. What did they make them out of???? Felt????

• Death now provides coffins for your dead kids! Also, for that coffin to have a 3 year old kid inside, it's kind of small

• That dress Maya got for this scene is so bad and just makes her look frumpy

• Yes, because nothing impresses your lady love like you doing a super manly power stance over her freshly deceased kid's coffin

• Homeboy, you didn't "float in a dance". You first telepathically controlled her movements, then were walking around all broody before you started manhandling her in the roughest way possible

• And yes, nothing calms down your beloved so much like wrapping her up in a coffin cover

• Maya looks so confused and yeah, girl, same

• Didn't they literally have anyone else but Andre available to carry the coffin away? What about the Todesengel? Is their only job climbing onto that frame and slowly spreading a wing each?

• Also, where is Mark walking to?

• DAVID IS BACK <3

• If they dare cut a big chunk of Fröhliche Apokalypse, I will scream

• Did they literally tell the male emsemble to bring their own beige trenchcoat to the job? Because it sure does look like they did

• They cut the second verse of Fröhliche Apokalypse...at this point, I don't even have the energy to complain about that

• At least they kept Lucheni's café apron, but it is kind of out of place since they have no set change to make it look like a café

• The amount of side-eye little Rudolf gives is honestly so funny

• Maya looks rightfully outraged at this production, but at least for once, she gets a costume that isn't outright bad (at least that robe looks decent, because that silky orange-y thing peeking out from under it doesn't

• Okay, that almost kiss was too close for this only being Act 1

• I would have liked it better if maybe Mark just remained sitting absolutely stunned for a moment longer than him immediately standing up after Maya pulls away

• I would have liked more smashing the Milchkannen onto the stage but I'm happy to see David back

• Why are they pouring the milk into mugs if it's meant to be for a goddamned bath? Filling an entire bathtub mug by mug seems kind of counterproductive

• OF COURSE THEY CUT A VERSE OUT OF THE SONG

• The cardboard cover for the frame is such a bad solution here. It literally could have been solved by different blocking and lighting but they did the laziest thing they could

• I feel like too much of the volume of the skirt of the Star dress migrated onto the sleeves. And what happened to making the Star dress looking soft and ethereal? Ever since 2012, the European versions just keep on getting stiffer

• At least the wig looks alright. It isn't the best, but it is, an improvement from that previous one

• They had multiple instances, where I feel a side entrance for Mark would benefit his presence. But this is the only time I feel like the top center entrance would be good, but they manage to screw it up once again and have him come on stage from god knows where only for him having to awkwardly time when to take the stairs to get the high ground while trying not to bump into Maya

• WE'RE ONLY AT THE END OF ACT 1???!!!

• Lucheni strutting through the audience with a hand held mic is honestly a mood, although I don't like the plastic toy crown they gave him

• Also, no Kitsch bedazzled jacket? :(

• And him not actually getting prop souvenirs, but the pictures being shown on the LCD screens seems like a massive cop out

• In short: they are doing David dirty with this staging

• The ensemble with their flags are just so unenthusiastic

• Okay, the carriage is a nice idea and Maya finally got a decent dress!

• But why is she already here? We're literally in the middle of Kitsch. Don't tell me they cut Éljen

• David is slaying, ngl and I would have liked to see more shots of him during Kitch rather than literally everyone else around

• Like, this is his big number, let him have his moment!

• Of course they cut Éljen

• And Mark still hasn't changed costumes, so I guess he's doing the entire show in the white version

• What are the ensemble ladies doing there during Wenn ich tanzen will? They are literally just there to block Maya from twirling in her dress

• Okay, Maya stealing one of their Hungarian flags is nice

• And we have a return of Der Tod telepathically controlling Elisabeth's movements and it's even worse than in Act 1

• I'm sorry, but where is all the spice this song is supposed to have? Maya and Mark literally have so little chemistry as Elisabeth and Der Tod due to this horrid staging

• Why is the lighting so severely purple and blue?

• I miss them flying at one another for that final chorus and pushing one another to the other end of the stage

• The camera operator must really like Mark's legs, because they make a comeback!

• They gave little Rudolf the blandest blocking

• But Der Tod taking Rudolf onto his shoulders is kind of cute

• Wait, I liked that blocking for once! Where are you going, Mark?

• Little Rudolf could literally not give less shits about Der Tod here

• Why did we cut the interlude and Lucheni's introduction to the insane asylum?

• Maya's dress has some nicely pleated cuffs, but that duochrome fabric looks so wrinkly. And her hat literally doesn't match her dress at all

• Okay, what is this weird newly added dance sequence and music interlude? Did they literally cut all the above mentioned songs for this??? It doesn't even sound like it belongs in this show

• That was the lengthiest and most confusing and unnecessary sequence ever

• Why did they light this scene in BRIGHT ULTRAMARINE when the only person on stage is Maya and she's wearing a RED/ORANGE/BROWN DRESS? It just washes her out

• And I forgot to mention that they couldn't have picked a more dull and unflattering brown shade for both Abla's and Maya's wig

• Why did they keep the mad woman there in the middle of the frame for the entirety of Nichts nichts gar nichts?

• DAVID IS BACK <3

• At least Sophie got a costume change and I like it much better than her Act 1 dress

• The return of those ugly out of period men's ensemble jackets :(

• They cut the middle of Wir oder sie. WHY ARE THEY CUTTING ALL THE HISTORICAL REFERENCES??????!!!!

• That was the most awkward transition in between songs ever done

• The female ensemble finally got some form of costume!

• And Frau Wolf is SLAYING

• Why did they cut the first verse of Nur kein genieren? And at this point I am convinced that someone has a last train home to catch and cutting down on the ensemble numbers was the only way for them to make it

• But, I like that we do get chemistry between Lucheni and Frau Wolf and that they got to split the lines in that one verse they kept in

• That fall down the stairs looked like it did take a while to practice

• And with it comes a costume I utterly hate: that goddamn lilac robe with the black lace chevrons Elisabeth wears for Maladie

• They literally couldn't have made that cape Mark wears here any less awkward in the amount of gaping it has in the front?

• Which is made even more awkward by him being in white

• If everyone remembers that gif set of Mark not catching the necklace at the end of Maladie during the 2nd revival: I think that is the reason why they kept him at ground level here

• And he does catch it, but that was literally so devoid of climax

• Sophie gets a nice bonnet/cape combo for Bellaria!

• Background framed power stance, but this time, they at least added some flavor with some contra lights

• At back to cutting more of the book for Rastlose Jahre!

• We finally got to Shatten!

• And Rudolf is a little too tidily dressed for my liking

• Oh, here comes the fishing rod/cat toy!!!

• Why are they sitting not looking at one another?

• Also, why are they literally 5 feet apart? As far as I remember, COVID wasn't that rampant in summer of 2022

• Matching one leg up on a stair poses

• The homophobia of not having the slightest bit of physical interaction between Der Tod and Rudolf

• But either way, I love Lukas as Rudolf. Still great 19 years later

• NO DON'T YOU DARE PICK UP THAT FISHING ROD/WHIP/CAT TOY

• Screaming at each other across the stage just like a couple of guys being dudes

• BEHOLD, CAT BOY RUDOLF. When the fandom said that Rudolf is our poor little meow-meow, we didn't mean this!

• You can tell from both Lukas and Mark's faces, that they also think this is ridiculous

• Why did they cut out so many of the feel good historical bits, but not Hass????? That is literally the only song I would prefer they skip here??????

• Lukas is so good in Spiegel (thanks for the feels!! Finally some good content from this performance!!!)

• And even though I dislike Rudolfs being dressed in Austrian style uniforms, Lukas has an especially nicely tailored one

• Lukas going to the ground to beg Maya????? My heart can't take the feels????

• MARK, STOP CREEPING IN THE BACKGROUND

• Oh, dear, the dreaded no-homo version of Mayerling

• And why did they choose to keep Maya on stage? During this scene? Why?

• Okay, the choreo is dumb again

• WHY DON'T WE GET THE TODOLF KISS ANYMORE VBW?????!!!!!

• AND WHY DID MARK NEVER GET TO WEAR THE MAYERLING DRESSES????

• Maya cradling Lukas's jacket during Totenklage is touching tho

To summarize: I wouldn't pay the insane prices for a ticket to this production for the amount of bad scenic solutions, lack of costumes and some truly abysmal directing choices.

[badstargateimagines]

Songs I Would Show to Stargate Characters to Rock Their Shit

Jack: Crank it Up - Joey Valance and Brae. Specifically for the lyrics “I always wipe twice for good measure/One for business and one for pleasure” I think he would absolutely hate this song and it would piss him off that I like it so much.

Daniel: Jiggle Jiggle - Louis Theroux, Duke & Jones because I just think he’d really hate it but he would have it stuck in his head for weeks and it would make him extremely mad.

Sam: Oops - Young Gravy. It’s so fucking sexist I think Sam would actually combust. 

Teal’c: Temporary Secretary by Paul McCartney because I think it would really irritate him. Everything about Cocaine!McCartney is awful and confusing and I would love to see an alien’s reaction to it.

Janet: Why Does It Hurt When I Pee - Frank Zappa. I feel like she might have objections to the fact that he says he got it from the toilet seat. I feel like it probably wasn’t to toilet seat. She would probably want him to see a doctor but she’d be angry about it.

General Hammond: 100% I would get him to listen to Lift Yourself by Kanye West just so I could see his face at the “poop-diddy whoop scoop, poop, poop” part.

Jonas: I would make him listen to Martha by Tom Waits because I think it would fill him with so much despair. This dude could do with a little bit of depression.

Vala: Four Wheel Drive - Bachman-Turner Overdrive. She would hate it and it goes on too long but I would make her listen to the whole thing, literally gun to her head. I would then tell her Randy Bachman trivia because I know way too much about that man.

Cam: I would show him the entire B-side of Heroes by David Bowie in a dark room with a bunch of cardboard cutouts of clowns and Robert Pattinson. I think that would be an extremely haunting and disorienting experience for him.

Stinky Pete: I would take Pete on a drive on my favourite dirt road and whip around it at mach speed. I would play the entirety of Trout Mask Replica by Captain Beefheart at the highest volume that my stereo can go. He may not survive.

Meybourne: I would gain access to his Spotify and play We’ll Meet Again by Vera Lynn sporadically throughout the day until he eventually got freaked out. I would then make a playlist on his account that was just called Harry Meybourne Death Sequence or something and it would have song titles that spell out an elaborate prediction for an untimely death.

Apophis: I would find a way to make Penis Music play over all his dramatic monologues. Literally just on repeat until he stopped talking.

Sha’re: I would play her You Are A Pirate but the Alestorm version. I don’t think it would annoy her but I think it would be a jarring experience for her. She would also not know what a pirate is and I when I explained piracy to her she would lose her mind.

Ba’al: I would play him Bubble Pop Electric by Gwen Stefani to annoy him but it would backfire. I think he’d end up a Gwen Stefani stan and play it while committing intergalactic war crimes.

Rodney McKay: I feel like he would really hate Party Rock Anthem. No real thought behind this, just vibes. Alternatively I would play the Big Bang Theory them song every time he started talking but like restart it every time he’d pause and start again.

John Sheppard: Electric Water by Big Debbie because I think he would think it sounds like bank hold music and would get flashbacks to the time he tried to up his transaction limit and was on hold for 5 hours.

Elizabeth Weir: I would force her to listen to Shannon by Henry Gross because look man that song sounds sad but I really wanna see the look of devastation in her eyes when she realizes the song is not about a human woman dying but instead it’s about the family dog dying. She wouldn’t be the same for weeks.

Woolsey: I would play Woolsey Are You Sure Hank Done It This Way by Waylon Jennings not because I think it would irritate him but because I think it would rock his shit so hard he would enter his Cowboy era. I would know I was successful when I saw Cowboy!Woolsey at the next meeting.

Ronon Dex: I would absolutely put Ronon on some Stan Rogers with Northwest Passage. Again I don’t think this would rock his shit as much as put him in his Salty Dog era. I want to see Ronon as a gruff lighthouse keeper who’s seen Sea Ghosts.

Teyla: Hands down Levels by Avicii. That song is fucking transcendent and I think it would send her into another fucking dimension. Low key Tayla seems like she’d fuck w EDM but it may also begin her villain arc.

Zelenka: I would play him Save a Horse Ride a Cowboy!!!!!! He would hate it so much and it would piss him off that I know every single word. After that song I would play him Chatahoochie because Atlantis needs Rodeo Playlist Treatment.

[danglovely]

Regrading Taskmaster: S06E07 Roadkill doused in syrup.

*Score changes noted in parenthesis.

Just gonna note -- Alex is really into weird glasses.

Prize Task: The Scariest Thing From Your Kitchen

With a ham sandwich, that's a ticking time-bomb. You don't know!

Mandolin. So many people have talked about injuring themselves on a mandolin. Sarah Millican brings one in later and talks about cutting off her fingertip. There's a pretty infamous Masterchef clip about it (maybe don't watch it if squeamish). Anyway.

Alice brings in "sweaty ham." So I'm not a stickler on "best by" dates, but I can tell when ham has gone bad because it gets sticky and I hate it. I would be hard-pressed to consume it, even when I need to eat. That said, "scary" is not the word I'd use for it. Asim brings in fanart that (1) has no association with a "kitchen" and (2) is actually kind of a good sketch. Plus, like . . . if someone makes you some art, don't blow up their spot.

Russell has a "doggy-cam" that he claims his girlfriend uses to spy on him. It's a decent offering. Good for his relationship? No. Scary? Yes.

Tim brings a door with bad hinges that hits him on the head. *deep sigh* Yes, it's technically a scary thing in the kitchen and slots just behind Russell so far, but like . . . c'mon. You're professional entertainers. There had to be something better.

Liza has a food processor with a fake finger in it. This gets a bit at my pitch of "mandolin," but it's actually plenty safe. It probably goes between Tim and Russell, but other than Russell, underwhelming.

Alice: 2 (0) Asim: 1 (-3) Liza: 3 (0) Russell: 5 (0) Tim: 4 (+3)

VT 01: Knock the bails off the stumps. You've got a maximum of one over. You must make your attempts from behind this stump. No stumps may be moved. Fastest wins.

Call me when I'm needed.

Some people have been playing cricket in the park near my house and I have tried to get them to explain the rules to me. It is not information that is compatible with my brain.

Alright, this one is tough. No bones about it, Russell knocks it out of the park. Simultaneously, he does step on the red carpet and cross the stump by the end of his follow-through. Gut reaction? Give it to him . . . but that might be because I thought it was cool.

The tricky thing here is the task combines cricket terminology with silly bullshit. It uses the word "over" but also lets them use weird balls and pull the carpet and whatever. So do you follow cricket rules or don't you?

I also briefly had the thought that it's not clear what "behind the stump means," but any reasonable person would recognize it means in relation to the target.

Look, no one did it like they were playing cricket and no one argued the outcome. Studio scores it is.

Alice: 0 Asim: 0 Liza: DQ Russell: 5 Tim: 4

VT 02: Draw a picture of the contents of this box. You may not open the box or look inside.

Mahatmabra Ghandi!

There's a great debate about why Alex made the bra wet. I subscribe strongly to the theory that Alex was making the joke that "wet" is the opposite of "sere" and he always gets them mixed up, but who knows?

There's no win condition on this one! They get a bonus point for naming the David Attenborough pun, but that pretty much leaves it up to Greg to decide the thing is going to judged. I think a reasonable person would assume that the win condition would be "most accurate wins."

So, three items. We split the task into thirds and determine if each person accurately drew the item. Quality of the drawings would then be the tie-breaker.

Liza nails two and I'd say her drawing of Michelangelo's David is passable. Alice has the same issue with the David statue. I'd call it passable but worse than Liza's.

Asim -- I'd give him David (and it might even be more accurate than Alice's). I'd even give him the bra, despite looking like "a pair of glasses." I will not give him the hat.

I think I'm only calling the bra accurate for Tim. He seemed to recognize there was a man in the box, but there needs to be some recognition that it's David. Like even just adding a leaf. I'm also only giving Russell credit for recognizing the bra. I will break the tie in favor of Russell because I can imagine a hat in his drawing and I cannot do that with Tim.

So, Alice and Liza three of three, but Liza's is better. Asim two of three. Tim and Russell one of three, but Russell's is better. Add in the bonus point and this is what you get:

Alice: 4 (0) Asim: 3 (+2) Liza: 5 (0) Russell: 3 (+1) Tim: 1 (-3)

Team Task: Write down as many obscure animals as possible. Guess the animals your teammate has on their list. Your teammate must only use mime. They may not write anything down or show you the list.

Blue dog. That famous breed.

You couldn't imagine a better way for this task to turn out than what Asim did. Writing down fictional, insane animals and then he still is somehow able to convey them to Tim and Liza.

Here's the thing . . . Russell makes animal noises for at least two animals and we don't see the full eleven. They're only allowed to mime. I'm hesitant to treat it as a full DQ condition because Alex is in there and confirming when they can move onto the next guess.

I think the way to handle it is DQ two of Alice's guesses, which puts them at nine correct guesses and the team of three at eight correct. This is all academic, though. No score change.

Team Funk: 3 Asim, Liza & Tim: 2

VT 04: Wearing this sweatband around your head at all times, tuck as many items from the kitchen inside the sweatband as possible. Then make a pancake with a diameter of at least nine inches. Then eat the whole pancake. Most kitchen items successfully kept within the sweatband wins.

Weirdly you managed to leave a whisk, two spoons, and a spatula in there, which are the things you need to make a pancake.

No DQ conditions, but two things needed to complete the task: making and eating a nine-inch pancake. I suppose you could also argue what the minimum qualifications are for "being a pancake," but they all get close enough, so let's not get into it.

Alex does tell them there's a time limit on tucking things into their sweatbands, which is not on the task but is enforceable if he says it then and there (rather than afterwards like when we Joe Lycett taught us the show was a scam).

Alice loses her mind for a brief moment and intentionally shakes all her items out. Her sweatband also drops to her neck, which might not be the head, but close enough.

There's even a more pedantic debate as to whether a container of sprinkles (hundreds and thousands) qualifies as one thing or if you need to count every sprinkle. However, there's a more fundamental issue in that people didn't finish their pancake.

The thing said "eat the whole pancake" and the win condition was about items in the sweatband, not how much of the pancake was eaten. Russell's plate is clean by the end of it, so that would mean he's the only one getting points.

Alice: 0 (-2) Asim: 0 (-3) Liza: 0 (-5) Russell: 5 (0) Tim: 0 (-5)

Live Task: Get an egg as close to the center of the target as possible. You must stand on the spot when taking your turn. You must ROLL two of your eggs. The person whose egg is furthest from the center of the target after each round is eliminated.

He's not necessarily eliminated. Oh fuck off, Alex.

Russell reaaally shouldn't have started with the egg he cockishly broke. You get more points the longer you last and you're not gonna last long with that one. The strategy here is to save rolling the Ostrich egg until the end.

As with all elimination tasks, I can't really regrade because I don't know how people would have done in later rounds. Studio scores it is!

Alice: 3 Asim: 5 Liza: 2 Russell: 1 Tim: 4

F I N A L

Alice: 12 (-2) Asim: 11 (-4) Liza: 12 (-5) Tim: 15 (-5) Russell: 22 (+1)

Main score changes here due to my reading in a condition in the pancake task. Broke his egg, but he wins again.

[messenger-of-stupidity]

Please share the full analysis on who best fit the betrayal trope I’d love to hear it :’)

For anyone who didn't want to know, blame this anon (lovingly said I'm actually so glad someone asked. idk if youre the same anon or not)

OKAY SO

(Should I put this under a cut? ... NAH. I'll put the other half under the cut)

Going with the supplied dialogue:

Going with a protective view first. The second half will have the character vs listener betrayal aspect.

I'm going to go with the people who this wouldn't apply to.

Sam and Darlin. Sam isn't exactly the betrayal type (Keep in mind, I sadly missed the Bright Eyes arc, so I didn't get to see toxic Sam moments.) and Darlin is not afraid of getting their hands dirty. They prefer doing things themselves, and they don't like getting other people involved. Especially if they care about said people. Now would they gladly be the person that someone sent to get revenge? Probably. They wanted to hunt down Quinn because they harmed their friend. (Honorable mentions to Sam beating the shit out of Quinn for his progeny and such)

The DAMN squad. Maybe this is my own bias coming out, but they all seem pretty logical versus emotion run. I mean, look at the Kody situation. Freelancer literally wanted the least contact involved way of dealing with Kody (they really should have avoided him so they could avoid the trauma of victim-blaming but whatever.) Huxley wanted Freelancer to talk to someone. And he was willing to beat up Kody himself. Same with Damien. Lasko wanted to distance FL and Kody as much as he could, asking about their schedule, ect. FL also stopped Gavin from going to Kody by not sharing the address (I would LOVE and LIVE to see how Gavin would have reacted to hearing that Kody was a bitch to the squad throughout different stages in the E&E Games and the Inversion. Let him go feral like Damien did.) Freelancer is probably the one that keeps everyone from going to jail or the deans office in some kind of way. (Thinking about it now, Gavin/Damien would be the most likely to go behind Freelancer's back to get a physical toll of revenge for them. So maybe they could apply.)

Aaron and Smartass: Follow the law. Murder is kinda against the law in case you didn't realize. This applies to the contemporary boyos. We haven't really seen their listeners face any major threat yet, so we don't have much evidence of how far these boys would go for their loves.

Anton and his Lover: Anton is wholesome.

Morgan and his listener: Self explanatory?

Cam and any of his listeners - While Cam wants to protect people, to the point he erases the memories of his own therapist... murder? Nuh uh.

Moving on to the more likely group but there's still some doubt:

Vincent and Lovely. Vincent killed Adam for harming Lovely. He killed Lovely (technically) to save them. He's not afraid to get his hands dirty. But Lovely is also very tough. They zapped the fuck out of Adam, that it broke his concentration of the wards he was using to protect himself from Vincent. That would probably be the forefront of his focus. Like I present to you this: Stranger who harmed Lovely: I'm fully aware they're trying to kill me. I'd like to see them try. Lovely's friend (Sam maybe...?): You really thought they'd do it themselves? They're not the type to get their hands dirty and you know it. (Here's where the doubt is here. Lovely can handle themselves.) Stranger: They're sending someone? Sam: They sent someone. Stranger: Who? Sam: Who do you think? Next thing that stranger knows their face is pressed to dirty brick of an alley, the texture of the bricks creating micro-tears in their cheek as a voice leans close to their ear. "You messed the fuck up. And now you'll pay for it. Slowly. Painfully. Your screams won't save you but feel free to try." I mean seriously... Vincent CANONICALLY killed for Lovely.

David and Angel: The doubt is here from David's strict moral code. He's not really the type to hurt people. But he's also extremely protective. And Angel is unempowered, so if they're facing a threat that's empowered? You bet your ass he will protect them. Really this could apply to any the wolf boys. Sweetheart tends to handle their own shit though.

Elliot and Sunshine: Is it possible? Yes. But it wouldn't be the first means he goes to. He literally connected with his brother after the department wasn't going to work, instead of just buying a gun.

Avior and Starlight: Avior just gives off protective vibes. I can't really explain it beyond that. He hates it when Starlight is in danger or puts themselves in danger. So yeah. I could see him being sent to save them or sending someone else to discard a threat.

And finally, those who this definitely applies to:

Vega and Warden - Do you really need an explanation for this?

Blake and Bestie - Once again, kinda self explanatory I think.

Brachium and Sunshine - Yall, did you hear him when Blake was threatening Sunshine? His lovers death will feel like a mercy. That line had me shivering.

Regulus and his listener - He literally edited memories to be with them. Killing someone isn't that much of a further stretch.

Hush and Doc - More self explanatory. Doc needs to be there to help though.

James and his spouse - James made comments that he's pretty morally gray, so the fact he was disgusted by the low morals of Marcus was "saying something". With loose morals, comes more opportunities for what lengths he's willing to go to for whatever reasons.

Vega-influenced Ivan and Baby - Loose morals once again.

There's the protective perspective. But we're here for the betrayal. I'm just going to go with those who this WOULD apply to:

Vega and Warden. I know I said that he would kill to protect them... but if they really dedicated themselves to putting him behind bars? What's more manipulative than making it seem like an "accident" happened to his dear Warden by an outside party? Honestly, he's so distraught that he wasn't there to help them to protect themselves so they had to use all their magic against this threat. But don't worry Darling, he'll make sure your sacrifice wasn't in vain.

James. Not to his spouse... but he just gives off those vibes that he will do whatever necessary. But he's also pristine. So he'll send someone to deal with the messy bits while he's the mastermind behind it all.

Hush and Doc. Their relationship isn't really solidified yet, so there's really nothing much to stop him from harming them. Did he express a desire of not wanting to? Sure. But while they were attempting to save him, he was willing to risk their life because he "wanted" to kill Reticuli. So it's not that much of a stretch to say he would kill Doc. But since he has that slight detachment to Elegy, that he needs a proxy to cause harm. So yeah. He would have no issue in using someone else to harm Doc.

Regulus and his listener. Have you heard that audio edit? The one that goes "If I can't have you... *stab sound* no one can." I don't know the extent of his effect on physicality completely, like sure he's a Fallen Empathy Daemon and Caelum can make a mess of FL's kitchen, so clearly they can effect reality. But it's also been made clear that Caelum and Freelancer are an extremely rare case. So maybe that's specific to Caelum and Freelancer as well. But we know Regulus can get deep into people's heads, so I could see him sending someone to harm his listener if a situation where it was necessary presented itself and no other tactics were working.

Those are the most accurate.

But Messy! Who would you want to see, even if there wasn't much logic to support it?

Omg.

Ignoring Echo's whole thing about calling us out on wanting to see David hurting Angel (We already have seen how David reacts when he feels betrayed. He get moody and distant. I don't see him hurting them.)

I want to see Vincent and Lovely. We already got a glimpse of it with the imperium. And the imperium is when decisions are made differently. So there's that small possibility of Vincent hurting Lovely if things were different. Plus the fact he also is likely with the protective route of that dialogue? MMMM the flavors are melting on my tongue! MMM this really hits the spot.

Sam and Darlin. They're so fluffy with each other. They were a slowburn. I want it break. i want to watch it slowly shatter until the trust is broken and then they just feel stuck in a bitter situation with each other. I want to see them miserable.

The DAMN squad. Platonic-wise... friendship groups falling apart is something I eat up. We saw a bit of it during the aftershock since everyone was kind of drifting apart from each other as they all tried to cope with what happened and with the survivors guilt. I loved that, angst wise. I want to watch it break apart.

[icouldbeaduck]

@purrassicjet and i were talking about celebrities that we think should run for us president and we landed on emily deschanel but she would need david boreanaz to be vice president (obviously) or it wouldn’t work as well and then we ended up with a bones presidential au??

here is everyone’s roles, please keep in mind now the rod is are american and all our information on how the presidency works came from hamilton.

brennan as president obviously because she would be great. only question we had was would she be “dr president” like how people say “mr president” because she had three doctorates and that will not be ignored

angela as vice president because america needs her. she is amazing.

booth as first lady because i don’t know the male version of it?? he would be very supportive of her most of the time and overall a great first lady

hodgins as treasurer of state (??i think it’s a thing??). he is not allowed to make any political comments ever because no one knows what he will say next and he has often been caught attempting to break into the white house even though he has a key to get in

cam as campaign manager because they need someone behind the scenes who knows what they’re doing. she is the reason everything doesn’t fall apart

sweets as secretary of state. not really sure why but ya know

aubrey is head of defence. he will keep them safe

zack is brennans assistant. i’m sorry man but that’s your ideal job. he is very good at his job

all other squinterns as members of cabinet/congress (??)

it’s not an american political party without an old straight white guy so that role goes to max. does america think his criminal history is controversial? yes. does the president give a fuck? no! he said he pinky promised to be good and you don’t break a pinky promise

caroline as supreme court justice obviously

karen from season 11/12 as the leader of the secret service

gordon gordon as presidential advisor because he’s a smart guy ya know he knows what he’s doing

all the other recurring fbi agents (flynn, perotta, etc) are secret service agents

sully is seventh in command. he kinda does everything else. he drives the car. he looks after the horses. cleans the pool. gardens. ya know. everyone loves him.

hate hanson i know you love an au so hears a sick idea for a 20 year anniversary reboot show. btw it must be a mockmentary like 11x18. also must feature another different remix of the opening theme.