#dean comes back and bullies Sam into suicide over it

[acesammy]

honestly the funniest thing about supernatural is how it’s 15 solid seasons worth of 2 guys absolutely BEGGING to die, just desperate to die, they want to die so so bad, but every time they /do/ finally die, the other one just goes ‘no <3’

[waywardrose13]

Deliverance From Evil

Pairing: DARK!Dean Winchester x Reader (?), Sam x Reader (platonic)

Word Count: 11,054

Warnings: TRIGGER WARNING: Non-con, rape, physical and mental/emotional abuse. Ages 18+, virgin!reader, language, mentions of depression/anxiety, curse, purgatory, purgatory!Dean, hateful remarks, negative self image, mentions of suicidal thoughts, not enough editing to satisfy me. Please let me know if I missed any triggers/warnings.

Rating: Mature- 18+!! If I find that you are under 18, you will be blocked. Go read some of my minor friendly stories.

Summary: Dean Winchester had two sides; the selfless, caring man who loved his baby brother, car, and pie; and the cruel, sadistic man who was hell bent on making Y/n’s life a living hell. When Dean, Cas, and Y/n are sucked into Purgatory, things take a turn for the worse. Two years later, Y/n finds herself face to face with the man who broke her. A new discovery leads to Y/n finding out the truth, yet sometimes, the truth is better left unsaid.

A/N- This story is very dark and can be triggering to some readers. Please do not read if any of the above warnings are triggering to you. I have also listed some resources below if you are in need of help. I love you all!

Bingo squares: @spndarkbingo​ (Purgatory!Dean) // @badthingshappenbingo​ (This is for your own good) // @spndeanbingo​ (Soulmates AU)

U.S. National Sexual Violence Hotline:  800.656.4673

U.S. National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 800.799.7233

The idea of Purgatory wasn’t what put me on edge. It wasn’t the monsters constantly down your throat, or the blood, sweat, and tears that somehow never seemed to stop. It was Dean Winchester’s sinister stare and cruel remarks that put me on edge.

I didn’t hate the man. If I was being honest, I felt quite the opposite, but it was more of a feeling of distress. Ever since meeting him, something about me had made him loathe me. I wasn’t sure what it was, nor have I ever asked, but whatever it is, I have never been able to make him at least tolerate me. 

Sam and I had met in college. I was a freshman when he was a senior, and he tutored me for a while. We became friends, and soon we found out the both of us had gone to college to escape the hunting life. We grew apart for years, naturally coming back together on a hunt. 

I had been at the bunker with the Winchesters ever since, much to the elder brother’s dismay. And ever since then, Dean had made it his job to make my life a living hell.

It started out as small jabs at me; little comments that had an underlying, cruel meaning to them. Or forgetting to pick me up from police stations, houses, etc, or not bringing back food for me. But slowly, it evolved into something more. He began openly being cruel towards me, saying things that made me cry in bed at night. He’d shove me when Sam wasn’t looking, he’d purposely break my things, bleach my clothes, point out my insecurities for a laugh. 

I honestly thought the bullying ended in high school. 

I hadn’t fallen in love with the person he was towards me. I had fallen in love with the person he was to others. He was selfless and caring. He was brave, intelligent, and had a killer sense of humor. And the simple sight of him made me weak at the knees. But whenever his words were spoken to me, or his glare was pointed at me, I sometimes forgot who he was when he wasn’t hating me.

Something must have been wrong with me. How could I love a man who was so ruthlessly callous to me? Although I had tried to stop the feelings, it was like an inexplicable pull vehemently caused me to fall into a confusing love with this man. It was unstoppable, and however much I prayed or wished for it to leave, the feeling never ceased.

“Hey, Y/N!” I jumped as Dean barked at me, and I snapped myself out of it, looking towards him. “Get your head out of the damn clouds and move your ass.”

I sighed, hoisting my makeshift bag onto my shoulder, trudging after him and Benny. 

After Dean killed Dick Roman, he, Cas and I were swallowed into Purgatory along with the Leviathan, too close to the impact sight, apparently. I immediately knew I was fucked when Dean looked at me dead in the eyes when we landed and told me he’d rather go to hell than be stuck with me in a place like this. 

“We need her, Dean,” Cas had said. Dean had rolled his eyes, scoffing.

“We need her like we need the plague, Cas,” he snarled. I flinched at his words, and I closed my eyes for a moment to keep the tears at bay. “I mean for fucks sake.”

“Look, the way I see it, I don’t care if you hate her, but we need all the help we can get. And she’s a good hunter despite everything else you, for some reason, hate about her.” 

It was the first time someone had stood up for me. It wasn’t long, however, before Dean and I were on our own, Cas seemingly taking off after a particularly rough fight. He ignored me the whole time, not saying any words to me, but using his shoulder to roughly shove me out of his way from time to time. The way I saw it, he wasn’t verbally abusing me anymore. I could manage a few shoves.

When Benny joined our team of two, Dean began speaking again, and we continued the search for Cas.

So here we were now, walking through the dense forest of Purgatory, eyes and ears constantly alert. It was like the start of a bad joke; two hunters and a vampire walk through purgatory…

“Don’t mind him, Cher,” Benny murmured to me. “He’s in a mood.”

“He’s always in a mood around me, Benny,” I said. “Nothing I do will ever change that.”

“Benny, quit gossiping with her and get over here,” Dean said, voice hushed. He was crouched down over the edge of a cliff, Benny and I making our way to crouch on either side of him. Dean shot me a dirty look, and he turned slightly towards Benny.

“What is it?” The vampire asked. Dean nodded his head to the valley at the bottom of the ridge.

“Leviathans,” Dean said. “Took out a small pack of wolves a few minutes ago.”

I shivered, watching as one of the leviathans picked up a severed limb, inspecting it before tossing it to the side. 

“Shit. That was our path, wasn’t it?” Benny asked. Dean nodded.

“Yeah, and I’m not really in the mood to get into a fight with a bunch of leviathans right now,” he said. 

“I don’t blame you, chief,” Benny agreed. “But what are we going to do now?”

I glanced to the left, eyes roaming the cliff side. It was high above the creatures below, and it fed to another cliff edge on the other side. It would be above our path, but most likely would run parallel alongside it. There seemed to be good footwells along the cliffside, and I struggled to get the courage up to speak.

“I have an idea,” I said. Both men looked over at me, interest on Benny’s face and annoyance on Dean’s.

“The adults are talking,” Dean said. 

“Let her talk, chief,” Benny said, patting his friend on the back. “Go ‘head, cher.”

I swallowed. “The side of the cliff: it’s hidden by the tops of the trees. But-” I pointed to the other edge- “if we are careful enough, we could climb across and get to the other landing. I’m guessing the otherside runs parallel to our original path, it’ll just be higher.”

“Smart,” Benny said, giving me a smile. “Real good.”

“How the hell are you going to climb across the side of a damn cliff?” Dean asked, raising a brow. “You can barely hold up your axe.”

I bit my lip. “I’ll manage. And I can, too, hold up my axe. I’m not weak.”

Suddenly I was being shoved onto my back, my hands being pressed into the dirt as Dean held my wrists. He straddled my waist, his face inches from mine.

“Push me off,” he hissed, eyes furiously burning through my skull. I struggled beneath his hold. I was strong, but Dean was stronger, and no matter how much I bucked and pushed and pulled, he wouldn’t budge. 

He let go of me for a moment, and I shoved at his chest, quickly being held down again with one hand while his other held a knife to my throat. 

“You know, it would be so easy to end you right now,” he growled. My eyes widened in fear. “I wouldn’t have to hear your whiny, sniveling voice anymore and see your pathetically hideous face.” 

I couldn’t stop the tears from pooling in my eyes.

“It would put us all out of our misery.”

“That’s enough, Dean,” Benny said, now on his feet. 

“The bitch needs to be taught a lesson,” Dean said, pressing harder. I whimpered, fear clutching my heart in its grasp as he smirked darkly at me. “Don’t you… bitch?” 

“Get off me, Dean,” I said, bucking beneath him again. He laughed, hand squeezing my wrists tighter. “Stop it.”

In a blink of an eye, he had reared the blade back, bringing it shooting back down until it stabbed into the ground beside my head. I flinched away from it, eyes squeezing shut as he was being pulled off me.

“What the hell is your problem?” Benny asked, pushing Dean against a tree. “What the fuck has she ever done to you?”

“What do you mean? Just look at her,” Dean said.

“Give me a reason, chief,” Benny snarled. “Give me one good reason why you terrorize that poor woman.”

Dean hesitated, his mouth agape as he thought for a moment. I was sitting up, hand on my throat as I watched carefully as he closed his mouth and set his jaw, eyes casting downwards.

“That’s what I thought,” Benny muttered, letting him go. Dean took a deep breath, looking up at me for a moment.

“Fine. We’ll do it your way.” He bent down to pick up his sword, slinging it over his shoulder onto his back before making his way to the cliff side.

Benny helped me to my feet, hands cradling my head as he inspected my neck. There was a small nick from Dean’s blade, but I was relatively unscathed.

“Alright, cher,” Benny began, hands gently resting on my shoulders. “You stick with me, okay? I won’t let Dean touch you again.”

I swallowed thickly, nodding my head as he patted my back. He pulled me in for a quick hug before following after Dean.

***

The next three days had gone by in a blur. We had yet to find Cas, and Dean was getting impatient. It was a constant surge of monsters and a constant physical battle with ourselves as we pushed through the fights, trying to swallow back our bile at the blood and guts that inevitably found itself onto our clothes.

I was washing up in the river, a little way through the trees from a camp we had set up for the night. I had carefully peeled off my bloodstained clothes, washing my body as best I could with the river’s water before attempting to clean my jeans and shirt. I scrubbed at them until the blood was simply an ugly stain, tossing the garments onto a nearby rock to dry. I was midway running water over my hair when suddenly arms were lifting me up, eliciting a squeal from my lips. A hand clamped over my mouth and I was dragged back behind the rocks. I struggled in the arms of my captor, rearing my head back and bashing it into their nose. They grunted, and they let go.

I spun around, fists raised, eyes widening.

“Dean? What the hell?” I asked, covering my stomach. My chest was still covered by my bra, and the water was deep enough to cover the bottom half of me, but I felt naked under Dean’s intense gaze. I glance around, spotting my clothes on the boulder. I grabbed at them, pulling the shirt over my head before my jeans were ripped away from me and thrown to the side. “Hey!”

His lips crashed against mine in a bruising force, hand tangling in my hair as he snaked an arm around my waist, crushing my body against his. My hands flew to his chest and I tried to push him away, confusion and fear coursing through my veins as he wouldn’t let go.

I bit down on his lip, and he reared back with a small yelp, touching where blood began to seep from the bite. I pulled my shirt on as he was distracted and backed away from him, arms curling around my torso.

“What the fuck was that?” He asked, wiping away the blood. I stared at him, mouth dropping.

“What the fuck was that?” I yelled. He raised a brow. “You don’t just come onto a girl like that! Especially after treating her like you treat me!”

“I… huh?”

“Are you seriously playing dumb right now?” I asked, brows drawing together. “You can’t be that fucking idiotic.”

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? For everything. But here’s the thing,” he said, moving closer to me. I moved back until I was pressed against the rock. “We’ve been here for almost a year, right? Neither of us have gotten any within that time. You just looked hot down here in the water, and I see the way you look at me sometimes so I just thought, ‘hey, why not?’” 

How long had I dreamed a moment like this would happen? Too many times. More than I’d care to admit. But did I really want to be with Dean for the first time like this? With him hating my guts, simply wanting a quick fuck in Purgatory pf all places? Fuck no.

I scoffed, shaking my head. “You’re shitting me.”

“No.”

I ran a hand through my damp hair. “I… I can’t believe a word that’s coming out of your mouth right now. You think I’m hideous! You’ve said so multiple times, so you’re full of shit! And just so you know, you don’t just jump onto a girl and assume she wants the same thing you do. Besides, who wouldn’t be attracted to you, for fuck’s sake? It doesn’t mean I want to fuck you! God, Dean! You hate me!”

“I don’t hate you…”

“Yes, you do! You’ve bullied me like a damn middle schooler since the moment you met me!”

He sighed, jaw clenching. “Fine. You know what? Forget it.” He moved past me, stopping for a second. “And all have you know, it’s not that I hate you. It’s just that I can’t stand to be around you for more than ten minutes without wanting to put a gun in my mouth. And you’re right, I do think you’re hideous, and my god does your personality make you fucking ugly inside and out. If you don’t want work done on your face, at least work on that. Maybe then you could find someone willing to put up with you.”

He left then, leaving me speechless. I collapsed against the rock, silent sobs racking my body. I hated myself, and Dean thrived on that fact. I had no idea what I had ever done to him, nor did I understand how someone could be so cruel. But there was one thing I did know for sure; Dean Winchester was absolutely hell bent on breaking me.

***

I combed my hair out with my fingers, eyes staring out over the water. 

It was nearly a week after my confrontation with Dean, and he had gone back to ignoring me. I was okay with it, not minding the silence after the cruel words. I always relied on my friendship with Benny to get me through, but it seemed as though he was pulling away from me, too.

I sighed, my hands finding themselves on the dirt beneath me. They were filthy, no matter how many times I scrubbed at them with moss and water, the blood and mud wouldn’t rid itself from my skin.

Suddenly, something went soaring through the air in front of my face, a blade lodging itself in the tree beside me. I fell back, flattening myself on the ground as I looked to the side, seeing Dean standing twenty feet from me, a dark smirk on his face, Benny shaking his head behind him.

“What the hell, Dean!” I shouted, scrambling to my feet. “You could’ve killed me!”

“But I didn’t,” he said, walking towards me. He reached past me, eyes locked on mine as he retrieved the knife from the bark. “Don’t be so dramatic.”

“Don’t be so… are you fucking with me?” I asked, watching as he turned around and shrugged off his jacket. 

“Just drop it, cher,” Benny said, rolling his eyes. I set my jaw and turned away, swallowing back the anger brewing inside my chest. I folded my arms over each other, biting down on my tongue until I drew blood. “I’m going to scout the area. See if I can’t find a better place to set up camp.”

I inwardly groaned at the thought of being alone with Dean, and watched from the corner of my eye as Benny made his way through the trees, Dean leaning against one to stare at me. He was twirling his blade around in his fingers, his smirk not fading from his face. I shifted uncomfortably.

“So, I’ve been thinking,” Dean began.

“Don’t hurt yourself,” I muttered. He stopped twirling the knife, smirk fading to replace his expression with a stoic, hard one. 

“I’ll give you one more chance at this, Y/N,” he said. He walked toward me slowly, and I backed away a bit. 

“At what?” I asked, now pressed against a tree. Dean didn’t stop moving until he could press his palm against the tree, leaning into it as he bent down until he was eye level with me.

“I think you know.” His eyes flickered down to my lips, his tongue running out to wet his own. I shivered as he lowered his face to the side of my head, nose pressing into my hair to take a deep breath in. 

“Dean, please, I don’t-”

“You know, I bet you’re still a virgin,” he interrupted, ignoring my words. I tried pushing against his chest but he took my hands in his, bringing them behind my back and crushing me further into the tree. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with anyone. Although, I’m not surprised.”

“Dean, stop it,” I said harshly, but once again my words went unheard, and he nipped my collarbone.

“Fuck, a virgin pussy sounds so good right now.”

“I said stop, Dean!” I cried, pushing harder against him. He retaliated, quickly holding both of my hands in one of his in order to press against my throat with the other.

“I don’t give a fuck about what you said,” he hissed. “The only reason you’re alive is because of me. Face it, you wouldn’t have made it on your own, and the only reason that I haven’t killed you myself yet is because Sam would kill me when we get back.” He crushed his lips to mine, all teeth and rough pressure as he shoved his tongue into my mouth. He rolled his hips against me, and my stomach churned. “I haven’t had any in a long time, Y/N. I need to let off some steam, and you owe me.” He pulled back to look into my teary eyes. “Answer me this… are you a virgin?”

I clenched my jaw. “Let go of me.”

He growled and slapped me, a yelp escaping my lips as he gripped my chin, bashing my head back against the bark. “I will find out one way or another, I’m just curious.”

I swallowed, teeth sinking into my tongue. I’ve had two boyfriends in the past, if I could even call them that. I had only gone on a few dates with both of them, but never went further than second base. I was twenty-four and never worried about still being a virgin. 

Until now.

I didn’t want my first time being like this; raped in purgatory by the man who hates me, and who I was utterly afraid of; raped by a man I had unwillingly fallen in love with.

I gave a short nod, and he smiled darkly. “Not surprising, but definitely exciting.” 

“Dean, please don’t do this,” I said, struggling against his hold. “Please.”

“Benny will be back soon, so we need to make this quick,” he said. And suddenly, his hand was off my throat and on the button of my jeans. 

“No!” I snarled, trying to kick at him, but he wedged his knee between my legs, and I was completely trapped. 

His hand was inside my pants and down the front of my panties without hesitation, and I cringed at the thought of the dirt and blood that coated both of our skin. His fingers ran through my folds, thumb finding my clit quickly. I squeezed my eyes shut as nausea washed over me, and my body went rigid at the alien feeling of someone else’s hands down there. A tear trickled down my cheek, and Dean bent forward to lick it up.

“Come on, baby,” he cooed mockingly. “Just go with it. There’s nothing you can do to stop it anyway.”

I reared back as far as I could to spit in his face. He flinched back in surprise, his face morphing from cocky and dark to menacing, and I was thrown to the ground roughly within a second, Dean quickly hovering over me and holding me down before I could move away.

“I was trying to make this better for you, I truly was,” he said, beginning to undo his belt. I shuddered and squirmed beneath him. “But now, you’ve just pissed me off. So I don’t give a fuck if you’re ready or not.”

He shoved his jeans down far enough to free his cock from his boxers, moving back to tear at my own jeans and panties and drag them down my legs. I flipped around and began crawling away, but he gripped my ankle and turned me around onto my back.

“I want to see you,” he grunted, hands spreading my legs enough for him to fit between them. I looked down at his prick, eyes widening as I saw the size of him, and he laughed. “You’re in for it now, sweetheart.”

He stroked himself a few times before lining up with my entrance. I didn’t stop struggling, hands trying to claw at his face, my eyes blurring from my tears. He gripped both of my wrists in one of his hands while the other held himself until the tip was resting against me, and then he moved his hand to grip my waist harshly. 

He forced himself inside me in one painful thrust, and a scream of pain was ripped from my throat. Dean smirked, relishing in the fact he had just torn through my virginity with such cruelty and violence. He groaned as he began to move. My hands slumped against him, knowing it was no use. He was much stronger than me, and he had already gotten what he wanted.

“I knew you’d like this,” he hissed in my ear, pulling out just to snap back in. “A bitch born to take a cock. My cock.”

The last shred of my innocence was taken within a second, and each time he shoved himself inside me, it took everything in me not to burst into tears. I turned my face away from him, eyes squeezed as tight as I could in order to try and disassociate myself, praying that this was simply but a dream. 

But as he hiked up my leg around his waist to angle himself deeper inside me, I knew it wasn’t a dream, but a nightmare, one born to tear down my walls and shatter the last of my will. I knew Dean Winchester was intent on breaking me, but I didn’t know he’d take it to such extremes.

“Shit,” he cursed, plunging himself deeper and deeper with each thrust until he couldn’t go any further. I bit my lip to keep in my cries of pain, nails sinking into the palms of my hand.

His hips began to stutter, his movements choppy and I knew he was close. I dug my nails in deeper until I felt blood trickle from my fingers. His hand gripped my jaw, turning my head.

“Look at me,” he growled, holding himself to the hilt inside me until I complied. He smirked at the tears that trickled from my eyes, and slammed himself home once, twice, three more times before he came. He held his hips flush to my pelvis, eyes still locked with mine as he spilled himself inside me. 

He gave a few more lazy humps, making sure he didn’t waste a single drop of his come before slipping out, sitting back on his haunches and taking a deep breath. “Wow.”

I sniffled, scooting as far away as possible as I pulled up my panties and jeans with shaky hands, trying to hold back the sobs and failing. I brought my hand up to my mouth, biting my sleeve to stifle the cries threatening to echo off the trees, and brought my knees up to my chest.

“Shit, sweetheart,” Dean said smiling. He laughed, shaking his head. “You felt better than I thought.” He sighed, standing up then and looked down at me. “Benny will be back soon. So pull yourself together before then. Say one word to him about this, I’ll kill you.”

I nodded in understanding, and he grunted.

He grabbed his axe and turned away, trudging off into the woods for his usual search for firewood.

In the five minutes he was gone, I took the time to pack up the few belongings I had, and without turning back, I ran for the hills.

Two Years Later

The nightmares never faded.

They had become less frequent, yet every few days or so, I’d run from the images inside my own head, battling demons within me instead of on the battlefield. Being scared of someone or something is one thing, but being scared of your own mind, your own dreams, was an entirely different thing, and it took strength to lay down and risk the possibility of reliving old trauma.

Yet, it was inevitable, after everything that had happened. Therapy helped, so did the anti-depressants and anxiety pills I took each night. But the truth of the matter was, the memories of Purgatory were always there, and the guilt and shame never faded, it simply turned into a dull ache that never truly went away.

Running from Dean, I was sore and bleeding, and all I cared about was keeping as much distance between him and I as possible. I listened to the whispers of the monsters, making sure I was never too close. 

Dean got out before I did, just two months after I ran, and it was only a few days later that I found the portal. I didn’t even try to contact Sam, because where Sam went, Dean went. 

Instead, I changed my name and set up a life for myself in a small town up in the mountains of West Virginia. I got a job at a police station as a victim advocate, got an apartment, and never once looked back. 

Quitting hunting wasn’t easy, and every once in a while I’d take a case close to home. But I typically stayed within the state, not wanting to risk running into the brothers on a hunt. 

Over those two years, I slowly began to rebuild my walls. However, in a split second, it all came crumbling down again.

It was a Monday afternoon in October. A cool front had washed over the Virginias and Maryland, finally carrying a crisp, sweet wind to cool our skin from the sweltering heat of the summer.

I was walking back to the station from lunch, having ran to a sandwich shop a block away. I was chewing on my lip and thinking about a particular case when I saw it; the sleek black coat of the Impala.

I felt my stomach drop, and I felt like I would be sick. Surely it couldn’t be the brothers. Other people had this particular car, too. But my fears were confirmed when the door to the station opened, and Sam walked out into the wind, leaves scattering around his feet, Dean right behind him. 

I was frozen with fear. All the progress I had made had diminished in a second. I wanted to turn and run the other way. I wanted to duck into the alley and wait until they were gone. But I couldn’t move. My limbs were suddenly planted and my body lost the ability to move as the man who had made my life hell for years and haunted my dreams stepped into the sun. 

Sam looked around as Dean led the way to the Impala. There was nothing I could do as his eyes landed on me, the surprised look on his face making me wince, the fearful one on mine catching him off guard.

“Y/N?” He asked. I saw Dean stiffen at the sound of my name, and I suddenly regained the ability to move. I spun on my heel and rushed into the alley, hoping to make it around to the back of the station and slip inside unseen. But Sam’s long legs made it so he was faster than me, and no amount of sprinting could keep me far enough away. He stepped in front of me, and my eyes widened. “Y/N… I… You’re alive.”

I swallowed thickly, looking over my shoulder. I tensed as I saw Dean at the end of the alley, his face hard and jaw clenched as he met my eyes. I looked back at Sam, shaking my head and stepping around him.

“I have to get back to work,” I said, trying to push past him.

“Wait!” He said, gripping my arm. I flinched, and he let go immediately.

“Sam,” I said, looking up at him. He tilted his head in confusion at the look of defeat on my face. “Please.”

“I don’t understand,” he muttered. “Dean said you were dead. That you died when you were in Purgatory.”

“A part of me did,” I admitted. Sam’s face darkened at my words, and I looked away. “And if you love me, you’d stay away from me. For good.”

“I thought I lost my best friend, Y/N,” Sam said. “I can’t just let you go now, knowing you’re alive.”

“Sam, please,” I begged. “Please.”

“Why?” He demanded.

“Just let her be, Sam.”

My breath hitched in my throat, and I looked back over towards Sam. Dean had caught up to us and was standing beside his brother now, a dark look on his face. His stare was icy, and it sent shivers down my spine. I shivered when he licked his lips, eyes raking up and down my body and suddenly I was back in Purgatory, his predatory gaze sending me reeling to a time of pain and misery.

“Y/N!” 

I jumped, realizing Sam had been trying to get my attention for some time now. I looked up at him, worrying my lip, tears filling my eyes. “Sam, I can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what? Why did Dean lie? What the hell happened in Purgatory?” He asked.

“Dean didn’t…” I trailed off, rolling my eyes with a scoff. “No, I guess he wouldn’t tell you what happened.”

“Y/N,” Dean warned, stare turning deadly.

“Shut up, Dean,” Sam snapped. “Y/N, you can tell me anything.”

“No, I can’t,” I said, shaking my head. “Your brother will kill me.”

“No, he won’t. I won’t let him,” Sam said. “Now please, I miss my best friend. Let me help you.”

“You can’t help me,” I said. “Not anymore. Purgatory was shitty in itself, but Dean…”

I was suddenly pushed up against the brick wall, a yelp escaping me as Dean’s hand wrapped around my throat, his body pressed against mine. I shivered in fear, visibly shaking as his lips curled into a snarl.

“Dean!” Sam exclaimed, trying to pry his brother off me.

“What did I tell you would happen if you told anyone?” Dean hissed. I beat at his hands, trying to kick out at him. 

“Dean…”

“I’ll kill ‘ya,” he said. “I’ll do it right now. Don’t. Say. A. Word.”

Tears trickled down my cheeks, and Sam was able to tear Dean off me, pushing him up against the opposite wall.

“What the fuck?” He yelled. He pushed off his brother, turning towards me, placing his hands gently on my shoulders. His voice softened then. “Are you okay?”

“I really need to… to get back to work,” I whispered. I was still shaking, and Sam’s fingers tightened slightly, almost as if he was trying to steady me.

“Can I come see you after work? I’ll meet you here and walk you home?” 

I glanced over Sam’s shoulder towards Dean. His jaw was set, and he gave a shake of his head.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” I murmured. I watched a smirk grow on Dean’s face, and I shivered.

“I’m sorry. But I don’t care. I’ll meet you here, okay? At five?”

I nodded.

“Okay. See you then.” He turned slightly. “He won’t be coming, don’t worry.”

The brothers stared at each other intently, and I scurried off as quick as I could, clutching the brown bag in my hand to my chest, not trusting my hands not to shake.

It was my luck that they would end up here, out of all the towns and all the cases in the continental U.S., they had to end up here. There was one thing I was sure about; I wouldn’t be meeting Sam, nor would I be going back to work. I forgot all about my few belongings in the office, beelining to my car, readying myself to pack and be out of town by tonight.

***

I didn’t have much in terms of belongings. It didn’t take long to pack, and I had no set destination. If I had a set destination, I could be found. 

I was taping up the few boxes I had, picking up a few odds and ends, figuring I would leave the furniture and have the building owner sell it. Just as I was finishing, three sound knocks were rapped on my door.

I froze. 

I wasn’t expecting anyone, and I hadn’t made any friends since moving to town. No one would be coming here unannounced. No one except the Winchesters. They had their ways of finding where I lived. Sam probably asked around the station.

“Fucking Sam,” I muttered to myself. I pushed myself up off the floor, stalking to my front door. “So not cool.”

I unlocked the door, keeping the deadbolt in, before opening it.

My heart jumped to my throat.

“Dean?” I asked. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“You didn’t show up to your meet-up with Sammy,” he said. He glanced around my door, stuffing his hands in his pockets, nodding. “Simple and plain. It suits you.”

“Go away, Dean,” I said. “I have cop friends and I’m not afraid to call them. Just go.”

Dean laughed. “Please. We both know you’re not friends with any of them. Besides, what would you tell them? You know what will happen if you say anything.”

“Fuck off, Dean,” I hissed. I went to close the door, but Dean was quick to stick his foot out, wedging it between the door and the frame.

“Nuh uh uh,” he tsked. “Won’t you invite me in, little pig?”

I swallowed. “No.”

“Oh, but why?” He asked, smirking. “You scared?”

I lifted my chin, standing up straighter. “No.”

He chuckled darkly, bending slightly to meet my eye level. “I think we both know that’s a lie, little pig.”

“Get the fuck away from me, Dean,” I hissed. I kicked at his foot sharply, unwedging it, promptly slamming my door shut in the process, turning the lock. I backed away from the door, feeling under the small table near the front door for my gun.

I screamed as my door was kicked in, wood splintering off the frame. Dean laughed, stepping past the threshold, kicking the door closed behind him. It didn’t quite close all the way, but enough so Dean could slip the chain into its lock.

“Here’s Johnny,” he teased, smiling. My eyes widened, and I gripped the gun, ripping it from its confinement, lifting my arm to shoot. Dean moved quickly, knocking the gun from my hand, pushing me back against the wall. He thrusted forward, crashing his lips to mine in a sloppy kiss.

“Miss me?”

“Get away from me!” I screeched. “Help! Somebody please help me!”

I sobbed as he fisted his hand in my hair, bashing my head back against the wall.

“You fucking bitch,” he hissed. “Almost telling Sammy about our little roll around. What did I tell you, hmm? Have you told anyone else?”

My eyes were blurred from the tears. Somehow my nightmares were coming true. Somehow hell had shown up at my front door, rearing its ugly head and laughing as fear twisted my insides and made my head spin. What had I done to deserve this?

“No,” I said. “I haven’t told anyone. I won’t tell anyone. Please just leave me alone.”

He ran a hand down my face, thumb smearing my tears across my skin. “Oh, but I can’t do that. You disobeyed me. You made Sam skeptical. You must be punished.”

“No,” I cried. “Please, Dean. Please don’t do this.”

He gripped my hair tighter, jerking me down the hall, my fists beating against him the whole time, fighting, kicking, screaming. He simply bent down, picking me up, and carried me into my room. He threw me onto my bed, hands gripping my thighs as he flipped me over onto my stomach.

“Now, bad girls must be punished,” he said. He reached underneath me, fingers unbuttoning my jeans. I kicked back at him, my heel meeting the fleshy part of his thigh. He grunted, and I clawed away from him, but he simply pulled me back down. “Well, that just made things so much worse for you.”

He yanked my jeans down, throwing them somewhere in the room, hands tearing at my simple cotton panties. Tears blurred my vision, and I desperately tried to crawl away. I fisted my hands on the mattress, trying to somehow escape from his hold. 

I cried out as his palm collided with my ass.

“Tell me, have you been with anyone else since me?” He asked. I sobbed, screeching behind clenched teeth as he hit me again. “Answer me, bitch.”

“No,” I said. He laughed. I hadn’t heard him take off his belt, but I heard the snap as he pulled it taut. “No, no, no.”

“Oh, yes,” he laughed. He brought the belt down, letting it smack against my bare skin. The sting radiated through my back. Dean was strong, and each time his arm was brought down, the belt would send another striking shot of fire through my body. I was frozen with pain and fear. Dean didn’t have to hold me down after a while. I couldn’t move. “This is for your own good, Y/n.”

I didn’t know how long he struck me. Over, and over, and over he striked, and I lost count after twenty. My hands were clenched in the mattress cover, tears soaking the fabric beneath me, clouding my vision.

I finally heard him throw the belt aside, and his hands curled around my hips, lifting my bottom into the air gently. He softly caressed my skin, and I jumped when I felt his lips touch the welts. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. He rubbed my lower back slowly. “I’m so sorry.”

I sunk my teeth into my lower lip. I froze, not sure what I was supposed to do. I knew moving was out of the question. I was in too much pain to move. Confusion sunk into my bones as he slowly kissed up my back, until he was hovering over me.

He turned me slowly, gently placing me on my back, eyes looking down at me. He tilted his head, thumb wiping away my tears. “Hey, I’m sorry. Please don’t cry.”

“Don’t cry?” I whispered. “How do you expect me to be okay with all of this, Dean? You broke me in Purgatory. You’ve haunted my dreams for the past two years. Then you do this? Just kill me and get it over with. Please.”

He shook his head, furrowing his brows. “I’m not here to kill you. I actually, believe it or not, came to apologize. But as soon as you opened the door I just… I don’t know what came over me.”

“Like I believe that,” I hissed. “Just get the fuck out.”

His jaw ticked, and suddenly his resolve faded. For a second I saw remorse, and now? Fire raged behind his leaf green eyes. I felt his whole body tense against me. I felt him… grow… beneath me.

“Fuck no,” I said. A rush of adrenaline coursed through me. I rolled away from him, landing on my back on the wood floor. I cried out as my raw skin made impact, but I pushed myself up quickly. Dean was up now, his eyes hard and piercing. 

“Come here, little pig,” he snarled. I spun and dashed towards the bathroom. He leaped over the bed after me, but I was already inside, locking the door quickly. I heard shuffling, and I knew I needed to think fast. I spotted the window and yanked my robe off the hook, slipping it on. I stepped onto the toilet, pushed the window open, and peered down the three flights my apartment was up. I swallowed thickly, glancing back at the bathroom door. The doorknob was jiggling, and I knew he was picking the lock. Mustering up the courage, I hoisted myself up and swung my legs over. The door suddenly burst open, our eyes locking.

“Don’t you dare,” he said. I took a deep breath and looked down again. Just as he lunged forward, I let go, feeling the rush of air and my heart plummet to my stomach. My eyes were wide as I watched the ground rush up on me all too quickly. I tried ducking my shoulder to attempt to roll, hopefully saving my legs and head in the process, but I couldn’t quite get there. I felt something snap as I hit the ground, a sickening crunch sounding in my ears as I landed on my side. 

“Y/n!”

That voice was different. That voice was angelic... kind. Sam.

“Oh my god,” he said. He bent down, hands cradling my face as he looked into my eyes. “Hey, stay with me. Are you alright? Jesus- of course you’re not alright, you jumped from a fucking window to get away from my brother. God, Y/n I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

“Why does he hate me so?” I whimpered before everything went dark.

***

“Should she be asleep this long?”

“Her body is healing. It’s up to her now.”

***

“Get the fuck out.”

“Sam… I don’t know what happened.”

“Don’t you dare say that. Don’t come up with these-these lame ass excuses. I saw what you did, and I have an idea about purgatory. Now, for the last time, get the fuck out.”

***

“She will stay with me.”

“And you are?”

“Her brother.”

***

I jolted awake. My body was on fire, my head pounding with a dull ache. I opened my eyes slowly, adjusting to the bright light above my head. A beeping sound came from my right, and a quick glance showed an EKG meter. A fucking hospital.

My shoulder was bandaged and arm in a sling. My knee had a brace on it. My behind felt raw as shit.

“Fuck,” I muttered as I tried to sit up.

“Y/n! Thank God.”

I jumped at the sound of a voice. 

“Sam.”

“God, Y/n… I’m so sorry. So, so, so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault,” I told him.

“No, but I should have known. I should have done something. God, I can’t believe it.”

I sighed, fiddling with a loose thread on the scratchy blanket that was laid over me. I furrowed my brows.

“Sam… did Dean tell you what happened in purgatory?”

Sam swallowed thickly. “No. But I can guess.”

I nodded slowly. “He told me he’d kill me if I ever told anyone.”

“Have you?” Sam asked.

“My therapist,” I replied.

“A therapist?”

“Yeah. I needed one,” I said. “I was… broken when I got out. I was getting so much better, Sam. I felt like me again. Sure, I still had the nightmares sometimes but… I wasn’t always looking over my shoulder.” My lip wobbled as I fought back tears. “Damn him.”

“God, Y/n/n. I can’t believe it. It just seems so… not Dean,” he said. “I’m so sorry.”

“Sam, I know you mean well, but please stop saying sorry,” I said. He smiled and blushed.

“Sorry.” He cringed. I laughed.

“Stop it,” I told him, pushing his shoulder lightly. He laughed too, grabbing my hand. He kissed my knuckles.

“I’ve missed you,” he said. 

“I’ve missed you, too,” I told him. “But I knew that where you went, Dean went.”

“I understand,” he said.

“Oh good, you’re awake!”

Sam and I both looked at the door, a plump woman in a white lab coat standing in the doorway. Her dark hair was piled high on her head, glasses pristinely balanced on her nose, lips lined with deep red lipstick. She looked like a T.V. doctor, not a doctor in middle-of-nowhere West Virginia.

“How are you feeling?” She asked. She checked my vitals and IV bag.

“Sore,” I replied.

“Your brother here has offered to take you home,” she said. I looked pointedly at Sam who shrugged sheepishly. “Look here.”

She shined a light into my eyes, checked my bandages, and determined that I could go home as long as I was supervised for 48 hours. I silently wondered where Dean was, hoping I wasn’t going to see him. If Sam was taking me home, who knows what would happen? Dean knew where I lived. But if Sam was there, perhaps he wouldn’t be stupid enough to try anything.

***

“Are you alright?”

Sam gently placed me onto the motel bed, careful not to hurt me. His brows were furrowed in worry and his lips were pursed into a frown. I let out a shaky laugh.

“No,” I said. “But I’ll get there.”

“Y/n, I’m so-”

“Stop it!” I scolded. “What did I say?”

“Not to apologize anymore?” He said slowly.

“That’s correct,” I said. I laid back onto the pillows, which were worn, but on my sore shoulder and back, they honestly didn’t feel too bad. “Now, mama needs to rest.”

Sam snorted. “Okay… mama.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Don’t mock me, Samuel.” He raised his hands in defense.

“Okay, okay. Sorry, mama,” he said. “I’ll call Cas. He can heal you.”

I perked up at Castiel’s name. The gentle angel and I had been good friends. I heard whispers about him too, while in purgatory that is. I shivered at the thought of that place and…

No. I wouldn’t think about that now. I was safe with Sam. Surely Dean couldn’t find us here. Right? Sam would have taken measures to keep him from doing so.

“Hey, Cas. It’s Sam. Listen…”

Sam’s voice trailed off as he stepped outside the room, closing the door softly behind him. Suddenly, the room turned eerie. The air conditioner hummed loudly under the window, producing some sound in the empty room. It was confining. I shifted on the bed, wincing as my shoulder moved in an odd way. I adjusted my sling to a more comfortable position. I hated these things.

I sighed deeply, glancing towards the door again. I blew a piece of hair out of my eyes. Alone. It wasn’t an odd sensation to me. I had been alone for the last two years. But I had slipped so easily back into the comfortable familiarity that was once me and Sam. I had missed him so much. He was my best friend, my confidant. Being around him again was liberating. It lifted a weight off my shoulders.

Telling someone what had happened in purgatory, besides a therapist, lifted a weight off my shoulders.

Of course, Dean would kill me if he knew. But it felt good to get it out, not have it bottled up. Dr. Ramirez was great, of course. But she wasn’t Sam. Wasn’t a friend. 

However, now that the room was empty apart from me, the only sounds of the air unit and the springs of the old bed creaking, I was left alone with my thoughts. Vivid images of Dean flashed before my eyes. Of purgatory, across the street at work, the alley, my apartment. Damn him. Damn him for abusing me so. Damn him for not caring. Damn him for giving me a false sense of hope when he spared a silver of remorse. And damn me for loving him.

Did I still? No, I didn’t think so. Not the Dean who hates me. Who hurt me and raped me and tormented me. Not that Dean. Perhaps the Dean who loved his little brother beyond comprehension. The Dean who would throw himself in the line of fire for a stranger. The Dean who sacrificed everything for the world, the world that was so cruel to him. 

Fuck. Of course I still loved that Dean. It was like two separate fucking people. A Dean who would light up at the sight of pie and tell you everything about a band he liked simply because he wanted to share something he loved with you. A Dean who was so selfless, you would need to make sure he wouldn’t go off and get himself killed for absolutely no reason but to save a fucking dog. He would have one look on his face, and then turn to me. That look would turn cold. Those eyes, those beautiful eyes, would turn to ice in a split second. That voice that dripped of rum and sticky honey tore through my heart like daggers in ice. How could someone be so cruel? 

A sob escaped my lips. I was so tired of crying. I hated crying. I wiped my nose with the back of my hand from my good arm. I didn’t want to cry anymore. I didn’t want to think anymore. 

Luckily, Sam opened the door then. It made me jump slightly. Castiel was behind him. I grinned.

“Cas.”

“Y/n,” he said warmly. He walked over to the bedside. He rested a hand on my good shoulder. Cas wasn’t one for touchy-feely shit. But with me, he was always more comfortable with it.

“I’m going to heal you,” he said matter-of-factly. I gave him a nod, a light shining from his hand. A warmth filled me, starting from my head and reaching to the tips of my toes, and suddenly I felt better. I gave him a grin, which faltered at the look on his face. 

“Cas?” I asked. “What is it?”

He gave a small shake of his head. “It’s… it’s a curse.”

“What is?” Sam questioned. He stood up from his seat at the small table by the window. I glanced at him.

“You have had a curse placed on you. An old one. I’ve seen it before, though. In heaven,” Castiel said. “I’m not sure why I hadn’t seen it before now. Perhaps since I hadn’t had to heal you before.”

“A curse in heaven?” I asked.

“It was designed by the archangels. It was to keep soulmates apart.”

“What?” Sam said. “Soulmates? Surely you’re joking.”

“No, I’m not joking,” Cas said. “And don’t call me Shirley.”

Sam furrowed his brows at that. I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing.

“Okay, so a curse. What kind of curse?” I asked. “Who’s my soulmate?”

“The curse is complicated. It can only be placed on one soulmate, and the cursed mate would need to be an interference with a plan from heaven or God himself. ”

“What sort of interference?” Sam asked. Cas hummed.

“Y/n must have stood in the way of her soulmate’s destiny. Her path must cross with them, meaning that she would have altered the path chosen for her mate by heaven. The curse makes it so one of the soulmates hates the other for no particular reason. They can be downright evil towards them. Y/n’s soulmate, if she ever comes across them, may even want to kill her. The curse causes one of the soulmates to do terrible things to the other. They can act one way, and their soulmate walks into the room, suddenly they are filled with an unexplainable rage. There are times where the soulmate can feel remorse or even come to love the one who was cursed. However, the second they lie eyes on the cursed soulmate, their hatred returns.”

Holy fuck.

“If you don’t mind, Y/n,” Cas continued. “Would you mind letting me touch your soul? It should tell me who your soulmate is. I know every path for every human soul. I should be able to see.”

“I… I think I may know who it is,” I said softly. Suddenly my blood ran cold. It felt as if the temperature in the room dropped twenty degrees in a single second. Soulmate may want to kill me. They will hate me. Do terrible things to me. They are suddenly remorseful, but once again turn evil once they lie eyes on me. Fucking hell.

“Who?” Castiel asked. I looked to Sam, who was staring at the ground. I saw it dawn on him, saw the realization flash across his face. His head snapped up to mine.

“Dean.”

***

“Are you fucking joking?”

I flinched at his words. Dean stared- no, glared- at me from his chair. He was chained to a chair in the dungeon. “Precaution” Sam had said. Dean wasn’t too happy with it. I sat in a chair about six feet from him, right outside the devil’s trap. His lip curled into a snarl.

“I’ll fucking kill myself if this bitch is my so called soulmate.”

“I’ve already touched her soul, Dean,” Castiel said. “Just to be sure.”

“Okay? And?” Dean prompted.

“Not only is she cursed, but she’s your soulmate.”

“Fucking hell,” he groaned.

“The archangels placed the curse on her at birth. When they found out she was to be your soulmate, they cursed her in order to keep her from interfering with their plan to have you as Michael’s vessel. If she wasn’t cursed, they foresaw the two of you already together; married and two children.”

My heart ached. I could have had that? Instead, my soulmate had abused, raped, and threatened to kill me on multiple occasions. Great.

“Gag,” Dean said. He spit at the ground towards me. “You told them. You know what would happen if you did. You’re fucking dead.”

“Sam,” I said quietly. I looked up at him. He gently placed a hand at the back of my head in a comforting gesture.

“It’s alright,” he said.

“Now, there is a way to remove the curse. It is painful, and tedious, but it may allow you two to venture forth into a soulmate’s relationship.”

“Fuck that.”

“I can’t.”

Although said at the same time, all eyes turned to me.

“What do you mean you can’t?” Cas asked. Sam sighed.

“Cas, not now.”

“I mean I can’t be with someone who-who was so cruel to me. You don’t know the specifics of purgatory,” I muttered. I squeezed my eyes shut at the thought. My lip threatened to wobble. I sunk my teeth into it. “When this is done, I don’t know if I can be here anymore.”

“Y/n,” Sam said. “When this curse is lifted, the Dean who did those things to you will not exist.”

“It’s true,” Cas said. “The curse alters your soulmate in a way that they’re unrecognizable. It turns their personality completely sour, turning them into a new person. The Dean that will be shown to you when this is over will be the real Dean, the Dean you saw when you weren’t near him. When you’re cursed, it’s like he’s possessed by an alien body.”

“But it’s still his face. His hands. His… everything.” I shuddered. 

“That was fun, wasn’t sweetheart?” Dean said. “I still remember how you felt. Tight virgin… Mmmm. Once I’m free of these chains, I may take you again. Maybe I’ll claim your ass this time.

“Enough, Dean!” Sam barked loudly. “Cas.”

“You ready, Y/n?” Castiel asked. I looked up at him, to Dean, and back again.

“Yeah, just one thing first-” I looked at Dean, right in the eye- “Go to hell you son of a bitch.”

Then Castiel’s hands were on the sides of my head, a blinding pain searing behind my eyes, and all I saw was black.

***

“Sam, how am I supposed to live with it?”

“You just do. It wasn’t you. It was the fucking archangels. They did this to her. Not you.”

“It was still… me. I just couldn’t stop it. God, I can’t believe I…”

“Hey. Stop it. I mean it, okay? You beating yourself up with it will not help you in the end. When she wakes up, she’s going to need us. Okay? She’s going to have to re-learn trust and-and love and learn to trust you.”

“If she wants to leave, we need to let her leave. I don’t blame her if she hates me. You heard what she said, Sam. She said she can’t. And I get it. I understand. I don’t want to put her through anymore pain, okay? She needs to live without fear and without pain and suffering. She’s a good, beautiful person inside and out. She didn’t deserve anything I did to her.”

“It wasn’t you!”

“It was, dammit! It was my hands, my body, my fucking words. God, Sam. We may have been cursed, but it was still me. Okay?”

“You heard Cas. It’s like you were possessed. It wasn’t you. Fucking get it through your thick skull.”

“Tell that to her then. If she believes it, I will. This is about her. Not me.”

I could register their conversation. Feel the dull ache in my head. Smell the faint smell of the lavender incense I used to like to burn. The issue was getting my eyes to open.

With heavy lids, I opened my eyes slowly, struggling to keep them open. The brothers stopped talking and I could feel them staring at me. I groaned as I sat up, rubbing at my temple.

“Hey, sleeping beauty,” Sam said slowly. “You feeling okay?”

“If you consider feeling like you’ve been hit by a train ‘okay,’” I said. “Fuck.”

I looked up at them both, Sam’s eyes warm and lips curled into a sympathetic smile. I forced myself to look at Dean. His eyes were focused intently on his hands, but I could see his jaw clenched and chest moving quickly as he took rapid breaths. His leg bounced repeatedly. He was nervous?.

He looked up at me finally, taking a deep breath, holding it a moment, before letting it back out. “Hi.”

“Hi,” I replied lowly. 

“Should I leave you two alone?” Sam asked.

“No,” I said quickly. Dean winced, but I ignored it. Like hell I would be left alone with him. “Cas did it? The curse is gone?”

Sam nodded. “Yeah, yeah it’s gone. Dean um… Dean’s fixed, I guess you could say.”

“Is he?” I asked bitterly. 

“Y/n,” he said hesitantly. “I don’t have words. I can’t express how sorry I am.” I looked down at my hands. “There aren’t words to describe the guilt I have. I don’t know what to say or do. I’m just so, so sorry.”

I took a deep breath before responding. “At least I know why I loved you for so long.”

That clearly was not what he was expecting to hear. “W-what?”

“Before purgatory, when things didn’t… escalate… I loved you. I loved the you that wasn’t around me. I thought I was fucked up, loving someone who was so cruel to me. But now I know I couldn’t help it. You’re my soulmate. What are the fucking odds?”

His lip quirked slightly. “I… I loved you too. The me that wasn’t around you. It honestly was like two different… me’s essentially. I loved you, and every time I wasn’t around you, I told myself to apologize and fucking fix myself. But then I’d see you and… this anger just consumed me. I couldn’t understand why. And then in purgatory, being around you 24/7, it’s like everything was heightened. I just wanted to make you hurt.”

I flinched and his face softened. 

“Shit, I’m sorry, Y/n.”

“No, I want to hear this. I want to understand what you were feeling,” I said. “Maybe it will help me… differentiate you from, you know… cursed you.”

He nodded before continuing. “Like I said, being around you constantly made everything worse. It was like the anger and hatred all heightened. So the night that I… hurt you… I wanted to cause you such profound pain. But I didn’t want to kill you. I think deep down, even cursed, I couldn’t bring myself to kill you. Although the curse hated you, I loved you. You were always so gentle and kind. You’re easily one of the smartest people I know. You’re beautiful and funny and innocent. I fell in love with you, and the curse despised that. It wanted to hurt you. And it did. And for that, I can not apologize enough. What I did… it’s unimaginable. I am so sorry, Y/n.”

We simply sat looking at each other for a moment. Sam sat uncomfortably beside Dean. He glanced between the two of us.

“You’re stressing me out, Sam,” I said finally. 

“Sorry,” he muttered, looking anywhere but Dean and me.

I cleared my throat and fiddled with the edge of the blanket laid over me. “I… I don’t know what to say, Dean. I really don’t.” 

“Don’t say anything, then,” he murmured.

“I want to forgive and forget. Lord do I want to forget. But this isn’t something you can overcome so easily,” I said. “I was so close to being fixed. I was so much better, but you showing up at my apartment and beating the shit out of me like that… it tore down the foundation I had built back up.”

“I had come to apologize,” he said. “And then I saw you and it all went away.”

“I know,” I told him. “It confused the fuck out of me, your fucking mood swing.”

He whistled. “No shit. It confused me.”

We sat in silence for another moment. I wasn’t scared per se, just uncomfortable. If he was “fixed,” I had nothing to fear. I knew I had nothing to fear from Dean now. However, I would never forget the malice and callousness he showed me for years. That night in purgatory was forever seared into my brain. That trauma and heartache and pain would live with me forever. It didn’t matter if he was fixed or cured or whatever the fuck you want to call it. It still happened. It was still at his hands. That’s not something to simply get over.

“I’m not asking for your forgiveness,” he said softly. “If someday you somehow find it in your heart to forgive me, then that’s your business. I don’t deserve it and I’m not expecting it. But maybe, if you’ll let us try, to start over, someday we could become friends.”

I swallowed thickly. “I don’t know, Dean.”

I watched his face flash with an emotion I couldn’t quite explain, before masking his emotions. “I understand.”

“Maybe,” I told him. “Don’t bank on it.”

Dean gave me a small smile. “I’m in your hands, Y/n. I’ll be here if you want. And if not, then I respect that.”

I yawned then and Sam stood slowly. “Let’s give her some rest, Dean. She’s had a long week.”

Dean nodded at his brother and gave one last look at me.

“I really am sorry, Y/n. I’ll live with this guilt until the day I die. I hope… I hope you find the happiness and peace you deserve.” He gave me a tight lipped smile and closed the door behind him, evidently taking all weight in the room with him. I let out a deep breath that I had been holding and rubbed at my temples. I laid back onto the pillows, letting my eyes trace designs on the ceiling in the dark of the room.

Sleep found me not long after, and no matter what knowledge I had now, or the safety that was Sam across the hall, I had no control of the nightmares that plagued my dreams and danced behind my eyes. Dean Winchester may have been cured. He may be himself around me now. However, what he did will forever live with me, and no angel cure or spell undoing will ever change that. 

And so, I walked through the valley of darkness that were my dreams, and I battled the demons caused by the man who stayed down the hall from me. Yet I slept, knowing that what tormented me behind closed eyes was no longer alive, and the man who had broken through the chains around my heart all those years ago was back and in the foreground. Though I wasn’t sure what my feelings were towards him now, knowing that what he did to me was the result of an archangel curse, I did know that perhaps someday, once we tread through the tumultuous ground that was fear and contradiction, we may learn to live in peace with one another, even if he had loved me and hated me; even if I had loved him and hated him. Yet the most important thing, the thing that allowed me to rest, if not soundly, but at all, was the fact that he no longer wanted me dead, nor did he want my blood on his hands. 

So though nothing was back to normal, and I didn’t plan on being around Dean anytime soon, perhaps I wouldn’t have to look over my shoulder anymore. Maybe I could finally find the solace and peace that I deserved. I think the world at least owes me that.

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[katya-goncharov]

Wait what if Carry On really was just a djinn dream but in Sam’s head? Like, maybe Dean’s been going completely off the rails after Cas’s death and Sam’s the one who has to take care of him and it feels like a massive burden and it’s affecting his relationship with Eileen. Sam wants to be there for Dean, of course he does, but it also feels like a massive responsibility and it’s starting to take his toll on him.

 So then he gets put into this fake reality where the stress is somehow completely taken away. Dean is suddenly happy; Cas is just a memory, and for once Sam doesn’t have this massive burden to deal with. And then Dean dies and of course it’s sad, but a part of Sam can’t help thinking that at least now he’s at peace; and in the real world, Dean’s been borderline suicidal grieving over Cas, so Sam’s subconscious thinks that death might almost be what Dean wants.

And now Sam’s free of all his burdens, of people to care for, relationship dramas ect. He marries a faceless wife, has a kid, and it’s the kind of normal life he always used to think he wanted, back in his Stanford days. No more hunting, no more trauma. It’s perfect, right?

Except after a while his life starts to feel really bland and empty. Sure there’s no-one left to worry about, look after, fight with; but at the same time there’s no-one to really bond with either. Because his wife and kids are just fake cardboard cutouts of what families are meant to be. They’re not real. And he starts to realise that even though there’s technically nothing wrong with his life, and a part of him does think that it’s what he wanted all along, it feels absolutely meaningless. He drifts along, filling this role of Perfect Life the djinn’s created for him, and never knowing why he feels so unhappy.

But then he gets rescued by Eileen and Dean; and it turns out he’s been missing for a few days, and they’ve both been worrying about him. And Eileen’s managed to somehow bully Dean into leaving the bunker for the first time in weeks, because of course Dean’s sad about Cas, but Sam’s in trouble and needs him and it gets Dean to realise there are still important things in life. And Eileen’s so full of personality and warm and real and different to the fake Blurry Wife in every way and Sam remembers that even though she’s not the most conventional, even though their relationship’s not perfect, she’s real and he truly cares for her. And everything feels right again and he suddenly remembers what he’s been missing.

Sam ends up letting slip to Dean that in his dream he died and went to heaven, and Dean’s shocked because he never wanted to die, not really... did he? And that he’s been such a mess that part of Sam thought that it was the only happy ending for him, the only thing that would stop Sam worrying. It creates a bit of tension between them, but Dean realises that he does want to live, and he needs to take control of his life again.

 And Eileen’s not dumb - the whole time she and Dean were searching for Sam, she started to see the parallels between her worries about Sam and Dean’s grief over Cas. So she bullies him (again) into confronting his feelings, and they turn their attention to trying to rescue Cas from the Empty. And Sam realises how nice it is to have a goal again, something to work for and people to help, and how fulfilling it is - and he remembers that he’s different now, and maybe that simple, worriless life isn’t what he wants after all. Because it’s so much nicer having family to care for, even if it does bring rows and stress and all that sometime.

And the three of them work together and eventually they rescue Cas from the Empty, and they come away all having realised more what they really, truly want for life, even though it’s not as simple as it might sometimes seem.

And anyway that’s what I think the plot of the spn reboot should be

[cherryblossomflowers]

Day 3: Suicide

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Summary: YN gets sent home after something happens at the school, and Dean is there to comfort her.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Suicide mention, Depression/Anxiety, Fluff/Angst

A/N: Day 3 of my writing challenge! This was so hard for me to write. Please please please read the warnings. No hate on any SPN Cast/Character. Feedback is greatly appreciated! Enjoy!

***ASK OPEN***

*LET ME KNOW IF YOU’D LIKE TO BE TAGGED*

December One Shots Masterlist

Dean was quite confused as to why he could hear the front door to the Bunker opening and closing. YN had left for work about two hours earlier and Sam had gone to the store only 10 minutes ago.

So when the front door had opened, he was on high alert.

He stood from his seat and slowly walked towards the stairs leading up to the door. He didn't see anything or anyone walking down the stairs, so he was worried he was just going crazy.

That was until he got to the bottom of the stairs and looked up.

YN stood leaning against the door, her purse was hanging from her hand and her jacket was hanging off her body. She had tears falling down her face, but her head was hanging down and her hair covered most of her face.

Dean took one step up the stairs, "YN? Babe?" he took two more steps, "What's wrong?"

YN lifted her head and took a shaky breath, "Everyone was sent home from the school. Students, teachers, staff, everyone had to go home."

After taking the rest of the steps, Dean met her on the top of the stairs, "Why was everyone sent home? Did something happen?"

"Do you, um, do you remember that kid I was talking about last night? The one that was being bullied and I was trying to do everything I could to help him out?" YN asked.

"The same kid that was failing your class?"

YN nodded, "That's the one."

Dean shrugged, "What about him?"

Fresh tears fell down YN's face as she sobbed, "H-he...he, uh..."

"Shh, take a breath," Dean wrapped his arms around his girlfriend, "Try and calm down, don't panic. It's okay. Just tell me."

YN buried her face in Dean's neck and mumbled, "He sh-shot himself in the b-boy's bathroom this morning."

Dean felt his shoulders drop, "What? Oh, babe, I am so sorry."

YN continued to sob into Dean's neck as she wrapped her arms around his torso. Dean bent down and put his arms under the back of her knees, lifting her up into the air. He carefully walked down the stairs and into the library.

After sitting her down in a chair, he lifted her face to look at him, "Stay here, babe. I'll be right back."

He walked into the kitchen, grabbed two glasses and a bottle of whiskey, and walked back into the library. He poured a regular glass for himself and just a shot for YN.

"This will help a bit," he said as he handed her the glass.

A small sigh escaped YN's lips, "Dean, you know I don't drink."

"I know, but just trust me. It'll calm you down a bit."

She rolled her eyes and took the glass, tipping it back and taking a drink. She winced as she swallowed the liquid and leaned back in the chair.

Dean sat next to her and drank a sip of his own whiskey before speaking, "Now, what happened?"

YN closed her eyes and took a breath, "I'm not sure exactly. All the students were in the cafeteria or outside in the snow and we were all in our classrooms, preparing for the day. And just like usual, the student comes into my classroom for some help on the homework."

"Was he acting strange?" Dean asked.

YN shook her head, "No. There was nothing. No sign, no signals, nothing. Just a regular morning of helping with Algebra homework," she paused, "Well, there was one thing, but I just shrugged it off."

Dean raised an eyebrow, "What was it?"

"He asked me what we do for Christmas. I told him that you, Sam, and myself decorate Christmas Eve and stay up watching old Christmas movies. And the next morning, we open presents and I cook a big lunch," YN wiped her eyes, "And then he told me his family doesn't celebrate Christmas. That they never have."

"Did he say why?"

"No. He just said his parents fight year round and they don't give each other presents or cook or anything like that. They don't even decorate. It's just another day for them. They're not a rich family, or really a poor family. Just average. But they could've done something for their son."

"Sounds kind of like how Sam and I grew up," Dean mumbled, "And then what?"

YN sighed, "I smiled and invited him to our place for Christmas. Sadly, he refused but didn't give me a reason why. Then the bell rang for the students to go to their first class period, and I waved as he walked out the door for his class. After the second bell, the announcements started over the intercom," fresh tears filled her eyes, "A-and in the middle of the announcements..."

Dean laid a hand on hers, "It's okay, YN. You don't have to explain anymore if you don't want to."

"I-I just...it was such a scary thing, Dean," she sobbed, "I-it sounded like a locker slamming o-or textbooks falling on the ground. Then all of a sudden, the principal was calling our classroom phones and telling us to stay calm and move everyone to the gym."

Dean stood, walked behind YN, and wrapped his arms around her, "I'm so sorry you had to go through that, YN. No person should ever have to result in that."

YN laid a hand on Dean's, "I just feel like I could've done something. Like I could've said something to him. I thought he was doing better since the bullying stopped and that he was getting tutored. But evidently I was wrong."

The two sat there in silence for a while, neither of them speaking or moving. Dean hated that YN had to witness this side of the world.

Ever since she became a teacher, he saw her happiness grow and grow each day. He loved when she came home and told him stories about her day. Her happiness meant the world to him.

But unfortunately, there are the dark times in the world as well. And worst of all this close to the holidays.

"How long do you have time off from school?" Dean asked in a whisper.

YN sighed, "The principal said to take as long as I needed. He knew this was going to affect me for a while."

Dean nodded, "Well then, why don't you go take a long, hot shower or bubble bath? I'll make us something for lunch and we'll hang out in my room today. That sound okay?"

"Yeah, I think that's all I can handle today anyway," YN looked at her empty glass, "But something tells me I'm going to need more of this."

Dean scoffed, "I thought you didn't like alcohol."

"I don't. But do you expect me to drink anything else today?"

"I guess not," Dean shook his head, "Go on, babe. I'll meet you in my room in a bit."

YN stood and kissed Dean's lips, "I love you."

"I love you, too."

--------------------

Masterlist

My Cherry Blossoms

@mlovesstories​ @smollestbean-2 @kitwithnokat

@idksupernatural @desiredposion @thevelvetseries @let-me-luve-you

@obsessedwithfandomsx @mangueweaschester @starchildwild @deans-baby-momma

@spnbaby-67 @unicornmadness2444

@emery--nicole--morrison @spnfamily-j2 @akshi8278 @avocadogirl216

@imthedoctorlove @wecantgiggleitsafandom

[luna-nigthshade-wood]

TIMELINES THAT WEREN´T

Summary: A young reaper/ time entity talks about all the times she came in contact with Dean Winchester, and what would have happened if no one had interfered.

Genre: Gen

Angst, Hurt

Trigger warnings: Abuse, sexual abuse, self-harm, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt(s), murder.

Chapter 5: When Dean was 10 years-old, something terrible happened

To recap, staying in questionable motels and leaving behind your two underage sons? Not the smartest idea.  Surprisingly, there was no other motel incident for almost two years, this may not seem like a big deal, but for time, who had seen some of the places where the Winchesters stayed, well, let´s just say that the surprise is that it took until now. Sadly, this incident was even worse than the first. Let´s provide a bit of context.

John Winchester was hunting something or another (time is not really sure and to be honest she doesn´t care) in a city with a high crime rate, he was low on funds so he decided to stay in a very cheap motel in the bad side of town. Of course, this hunt required that he go hunting in the woods (on second thought, he could have been hunting a wendigo), so again, in all his infinite wisdom, he paid the motel for the week, grabbed his gear, gave Dean 100 dollars and left him in charge of taking care of Sammy. He figured it would be enough money to cover for expenses and it is not like he was going to take that long anyway (spoiler alert, he did). Let´s remember, at this time, Dean already knew a skill that most people don’t learn until they are 30 and that is that he knew how to budget, so the money in theory looked good.

Fast forward two weeks, there wasn´t a sign of John, the money was running out and the motel manager was giving them the stink eye and was ready to throw them out. At least the day manager. The night manager, however, was giving Dean a look that he couldn’t understand (sadly, he would soon know). On the 20th day of staying on the motel, the manager gave them an ultimatum, either they payed or they were out. Dean was desperate, his father wasn't answering the phone, and he hadn't eaten for two days in the hope that Sam wouldn't starve, so he sat in front of the motel office wondering what to do and that is how the night manager found him. John Winchester taught his children a lot about monsters, he just forgot to tell them that some of them were human. The night manager (let´s call him Gary) asked Dean what was going on, and Dean told him in hopes of negotiating the price of the room. Gary presented himself as sympathetic and told Dean that he would help them and give them the room for free if only Dean could do him a little favor. The bait was set, while the predator stalked his victim, and the victim fell. If John had taken the time to do some research, he would have known that in this particular town, there had been a string of boys between the ages of 9-12 going missing at nights. The manager took Dean into his office and proceeded to use him as a rag doll. The little boy prayed for mercy and help that would never come. The assault ended up being fatal (time is going to skip the details if ii is the same to you), the last thing he saw was a lustful gaze and a pool of blood mixed with a white substance. Now, Gary didn’t exactly set up to kill his victims but most of them died anyway, so he did what he normally did, that is dumping the body in a garbage bag on the plot next to the motel, which was the city dumpster.

John arrived two days later and what he found made him grow cold. Dean would never leave Sammy unattended even if he was dead. So when John entered the motel he saw a little half-naked Dean with blood in his tights and bags under his eyes sitting next to a crying Sammy (Sammy may not have known about ghosts back then but he did know about how his big brother had gone out and come back with a haunted look and cold fingers). It didn’t take a genius to realize what had happened (because deep down John had seen the looks) and he saw red. The police were called almost 20 minutes later after a passerby saw John beating Gary to death. What happened next was the stuff of nightmares. John was charged with murder in the first. Although the police found evidence of the manager´s crimes, they never found the bodies. And Sam was taken to foster home with a little ghost following him, Dean had latched to Sam and he would never let him go. Over time all spirits go mad, even those with good intentions. At 15, Sam was found in a bathtub full of blood, the police ruled it out as suicide, after all there were many motives, he was an antisocial child, who was bullied at school, with a murderer for a father and a dead brother that he claimed to see everywhere. His foster parents reported that he had nightmares in which his brother asked him to join him and the case was swiftly close. They say if you stay in the motel, you would see two young boys playing hide and seek.

Obviously, this wasn´t part of the Big Plan, so the powers that aren´t decided to “fix-it”. Therefore, when Gary was in the middle of the act, a patrol car passed in front of the motel, which made him nervous enough to finish up quickly. So, Dean walked out of that office alive, with a room paid and enough money to keep them comfortable for a while (Dean wonder later that night as he rubbed his skin raw if the price was worth it, one look at Sam´s smiling face, gave him an answer). John would arrive 2 days later and they would leave town without any problem, he would never find out what his oldest had to do (that is not entirely true or relevant to this story, but there is a timeline close to the original where he did and it was devastating) or that Dean now knew a new “skill” to get “easy” cash (and a haunted look that would never go away)

And that is how this event was corrected, time thinks corrected is a very ugly word for the disaster that was, if they wanted to correct something they should have prevented the whole thing and let Dean keep his innocence a little bit longer.

First chapter   <<Previous Next>>> AO3

[hanniballecterkinnie]

He hadn't seen it coming. It had completely bypassed his brain. The simple fact that Dean wasn't invulnerable. The simple fact that he could get hurt. That accidents happened. It shook Castiel to his core. It was supposed to be a simple hunt. In and Out. They knew it was a witch, they knew what she did and they knew her next target.

They had been on the way, driving there even, when they found it. It was an article of a death, ages ago. It all clicked into place. The witch's daughter had committed suicide, and all of the victims were one of her bullies. It was an act of vengeance. So they had a motive, which was good and all. Maybe they could convince the witch that violence wasn't the way. Although Dean doubted that it would work. That was his problem, he had no faith.

So they'd arrived at the complex. It was a huge skyscraper for once, although mostly abandoned. It directly overlooked a large lake, a good 10 levels beneath them. It was incomplete, but it was far enough from the town that it would cause no harm if it collapsed. The witch was there, and her latest victim stood poised at the edge.

Castiel should've known. The Winchester's suicidal selflessness wasn't a secret. He had tried to reason with the witch, tell her that it wasn't worth it. That she had the chance to do some good. She laughed. Tears brimmed in her eyes, a psychotic smile spreading across her face.

"Doing good won't bring back my daughter." She flicked her hand, and the woman tilted forwards. Cas reached the witch in record speed, killing her with a good press to her forehead. It didn't stop the woman from falling forwards. Dean, the reckless idiot, had vaulted over the ledge onto the girders. The incomplete girders. They were narrow and rusty but Dean hadn't thought about it. He clenched his hands around the woman's shoulders and pushed her back up. She slumped to the ground on the balcony, safe. Cas had sighed, relieved. He checked up on the woman first before turning to Dean.

"That was stupid, Dean." Cas remarked. Dean shrugged, shifting his legs and starting to walk back to the balcony. "Yeah well, I stopped her from falling for me." It was a dumb joke, but it got a laugh out of him. The smile that lit across Dean's face made him want to laugh more.

He had reached the balcony, scooting onto the edge. Cas didn't move to hold onto him. He was dumb, didn't pay attention. Dean, the stupid stupid piece of shit, had joked about falling. He dangled one of his legs off the edge, and Cas had practically hurtled forward. Dean had laughed, said something about being overprotective. So to spite him, Cas didn't help him get back onto the balcony.

Dean leaned on the railing, pouting. "Don't be like that, Cas. I'm just teas-" And then an accident happened.

It was out of either of their control. A bit of the concrete underneath Dean's foot gave way, and he lost his balance. The cheeky smile on his face was quickly replaced with wide eyes and a desperate look on his face. He reached his hand out for Cas as he fell backwards.

"Cas!" He shouted.

That's when Cas realises that Dean isn't superhuman. He's mortal.

Cas tries to grab his hand to hoist him back up, shooting it out as quickly as possible. Their fingertips brush.

"Shi-" He falls. It looks like slow motion to Cas. He narrowly avoids hitting his head on a girder, curling in on himself. A girder does make impact with his leg and Dean lets out a cry of pain. Cas is frozen. He can't fly down there to catch him. He's an angel but he's powerless at the moment. He watches as Dean hits the water. He doesn't resurface.  The ripples fade away, and the water stills. This snaps Cas out of whatever dilemma he was having. In one clean leap, he clears the balcony and hurtles after Dean.

If- no when Dean was okay, they'd have to have a serious talk about carelessness. He'd tell Sam and they'd gang up on the older Winchester. Yes, that sounded good. He reaches the water's surface, plunging deep. It's cold, icy even. The air is punched out of his lungs and he cant help but gasp. He coughs, resurfacing to take a big breath of air before sinking back beneath.

There's a few fishes swimming around. Weeds growing from the bottom give them hiding spaces. Cas shakes his head, whirling around to find Dean. It's dark underneath the surface. Had he sunk to the bottom?

He sees the trail of red staining the water before Dean. He swims along it, finding an unconscious Dean. His mouth's agape and Cas' stomach sinks. He swims to the hunter, grabbing his arms and kicking. He kicks the water beneath them, pulling them to the surface. Dean doesn't react. Cas huffs, dragging the hunter's limp body to the lake's bank.

He flops Dean down, watching the hunter. He's not breathing. Cas starts to panic, shaking him.

"Dean, Dean! Wake up." he shouts. The hunter doesn't open his eyes. Cas starts chess compressions, debating if he should proceed with the next step. The angel then makes the executive decision to do that, even though Dean'd be mad when he woke up. To be honest, Cas didn't care what the hell Dean thought as long as he was alive. If the hunter hated his guts, then so be it.

He hesitantly lowers his head and gives Dean a rescue breath. It isn't anything like how Cas wanted to kiss Dean the first time. For starters, they'd both be conscious. And even though it'd probably end with Dean rejecting him, Cas sometimes dreamed that Dean would pull him in and kiss him again.

Cas starts the chess compressions again, watching Dean anxiously. This was his fault too. He should have been holding Dean. He starts the second rescue breath, his heart beating faster. What would he tell Sam?

Dean's arm shoots out to grab his shoulder and he pulls away, mouth open in shock. Dean flips over, coughing water out of his lungs. He's alive. That means he was healable. Cas hesitantly presses his hand to Dean's back. His grace surges out, fixing up Dean's leg and any other injuries. Dean flops onto his back, breathing heavily. There's a slight flush on his cheeks.

"Well, that was fun." he jokes. Cas doesn't get it. He's angry at himself and at Dean. He fists Dean's shirt, yanking him forward.

"You fell 10 stories! You almost drowned! I had to bring you back to life and you say it was fun?" If it wasn't for the fact that Dean had just narrowly avoided Death, Cas would probably hit him. Dean shuts his eyes.

"It was a joke, Cas. But thank you, and I'm sorry." He adds the last bit as an afterthought. Cas snorts, lying down beside the hunter.

"Don't be. I deserved it." He replies. Dean looks at Cas, more confused than anything.

"Why would you-"

"I let you fall." He says simply. Dean laughs slapping his hand over his mouth.

"You have got to be kidding me." He says to no one in particular. Cas opens his mouth to retort but is cut off.

"Cas, the concrete crumbled. It wasn't your fault. You saved me. Again. Stop blaming yourself." He says, giving the angel a playful shove. Cas smiles a bit, nodding.

Dean looks away, the flush deepening.

"Next time you wanna kiss me, ask for permission first." It's meant as a joke, but Cas takes it as an opportunity. He smiles, standing up. He helps Dean to his feet. The Winchester wobbles a bit, but manages to stand upright without help.

"Okay. Can I kiss you?" he asks. Dean whips his head around, eyes wide. He splutters, flush spreading like fire. Cas laughs, although a little nervously. What if Dean got offended by his joke? He should just play it off. He starts to walk forward, uneasiness settling in the pit of his stomach. Dean grabs his hand and whirls him around.

"Y-yeah. Yeah, you can." He stutters. Cas studies his face. He seemed serious. The angel leans in, lightly kissing him on the lips. They slot together perfectly. When he pulls away, Dean's smile is blinding.

“We need to do that more often.” He quips. Cas laughs lightly, still clutching Dean’s hand.

“We shouldn’t let a moment go to waste, then.” He replies. Dean laughs as Cas leans in yet again. He hadn’t seen it coming.

Happy Birthday to @galaxy-charm! Here’s that hurt/comfort fic you wanted!

[themauvesoul]

I know I know I haven’t seen anything past s6 BUT I think the finale would’ve been so much better if they showed us cas inside the empty. And the empty is like. It’s loud, everyone is screaming, and he just starts walking. The empty itself shows up to taunt him but it can’t make him sleep and it can’t do anything else either because the whole goddamn place is in tatters. So he walks and walks and eventually comes across this place where he starts to see tiny pinpricks that might be stars. And in this place there’s a hideously ugly recliner and a laptop and a mini fridge full of beer. He investigates, because the winchesters have infected him with suicidal levels of curiosity, and looks at the laptop. It’s open on a word doc, which looks like the rough draft of a script. The script of this episode. It’s chucks laptop. This is his writing spot, close to the empty so it’s nice and quiet but not IN the empty because that’s the one place he has no power. Cas sits down and starts reading.

Smash cut back to earth, Sam and dean have been beat up by god and jack is trying to absorb chucks powers. It’s not working, it’s too much, and jack sounds like he’s dying. All hope is lost, it seems like chuck is gonna win. “Hey, asshole,” cas says offscreen, and the camera pans over to him. He’s got a gun (the colt, because I said so) and he’s pointing it right at chuck. “Story’s over.” Cas says, and shoots chuck in the head. Immediate cut to black.

There is an obligatory commercial break. The screen is still black. “Of course, this isn’t where the story really ends,” cas says, after an appropriate amount of silence. “Stories don’t end, really. Something always happens next, I suppose, and they just keep going ad infinitum—to infinity. But when you tell a story, it has to stop somewhere. It has to have an ending. I don’t think I like this one, though. It feels—incomplete, maybe. I suppose that’s one of the perks of living in a godless universe: we get to choose the ending.” We pick the scene back up: Sam and dean are on the ground, staring at cas. Cas is hugging jack. There is some exposition but it is as brief as physically possible. Basically cas explains that he read ahead to chuck’s planned ending, and perhaps edited it a little.

Everyone is having a party at the bunker. We get a whole bunch of little moments between everyone. Sam and Eileen have a very cute scene, cas and Claire hug, jack is sitting at the kids table, Dean and Jody and Donna are in the kitchen cooking and bullying each other. Eventually dean and cas find themselves somewhat alone together. “You know,” dean says, looking at his feet and fiddling with his beer, “you coulda had it. You always had it, actually. I was just too chickenshit to say anything.”

“Oh.” Cas says. He is, as they say, a whole idiot. “So.... you mean.....”

“I love you too, dipshit,” dean says, and they kiss because jackles owes me BIG TIME. There are some more scenes where people talk to each other and fuckin party, babey!!! They killed god, they fucking earned it!!!!! But eventually the party winds down, and Sam and dean end up outside, stargazing on the hood of the impala. They have a Conversation about Things. Specifically the things they will be doing now that chuck is dead. Dean says some profound bullshit about not wanting to die bloody anymore, and also being done with hunting for good this time. Sam says he doesn’t think he wants to be done just yet, that apple pie suburbia isn’t for him. Someone says something about the future being whatever they want. They clink their bottles together and make a toast.

The shot pulls wider and wider. There is one last voiceover. It’s cas, the angel with a crack in his chassis, the one thing god himself could never quite control. “There are, of course, millions upon millions of moments to choose from, billions of places to end this story.” People start coming out of the bunker and walking over to join Sam and dean, in ones and twos. “But I think this one is good. It feels... right, to end it here.” Eventually everyone is outside, and theres like 20 people gathered around the impala, staring at the stars. Sam is looking at Eileen. Cas and dean are looking at each other. “Chuck was wrong. He thought this was a tragedy. But it wasn’t, and it hasn’t been for a long time. No,” cas says, and he is very smug. “This was a love story.” And then carry on my wayward son plays over the outro.

[angelsandacceptance]

After School Special

“So?” Dean asks. 

Sam shrugs. “I think she's telling the truth. I mean, the way she talked about being there mentally but not physically -- kind of sounds like demonic possession to me.”

“Kind of?” Chase asks. “How is it kind of a demon possession?”

“She didn't see any black smoke or smell sulfur,” Sam explains. 

“Maybe it's not a demon. I mean, kids can be vicious,” Dean says. 

“Yeah, they’re terrifying,” Harley says. 

“You were one of those terrifying ones, Harley,” Chase laughs. “I’ve heard the stories.”

“Well, I mean, we're already here. Might as well check out the school,” Sam suggests. 

“Right, the school,” Dean says shortly. 

“What?” Sam asks.

“Truman High, home of the Bombers,” Dean says with distaste. 

“What’s your point?” Chase asks. 

“I mean, we went there, like... for a month a million years ago. Why are you so jazzed to go back?” Dean asks.

“We were only there for a month, so why are you so opposed?” Chase asks. 

“Because it’s school and we have a connection to it. Why should I want to go back?”

“It’s worth looking into,” Sam points out. 

“All right, well, what's our cover? FBI? Homeland Security? Swedish exchange students?” Dean asks. 

“Yes, Dean, because you, a thirty year old grown ass man, can pass as a high school student. From Sweden.”

“Do you even know Swedish?” Harley asks.

“Don’t worry,” Sam says. “I have an idea.”

“That’s worrisome,” Chase says. 

“How?” Sam asks defensively. 

“Because it’s you. And I don’t trust either of you,” Chase says, pointing at the boys. 

“Do you trust me?” Harley asks.

Chase regards her with a cautious look. “Only on Tuesdays.”

“So, Sammy, what’s this idea of yours?” Harley asks.

Sam shoots Harley an annoyed look. “It’s Sam. You know it’s Sam.” He shakes his head. “Whatever. So, get this.”

***

The Impala drives up in front of a large school, Truman High School boldly proclaimed on the building’s entrance. Dean, Chase, and Sam climb out of the back, backpacks tugged around shoulders, wary looks on their faces. 

“Thanks, Dad,” Dean says, taking lead and walking in front of the younger Winchesters. “You two got your books?” Dean asks them. “Lunch? Butterfly knife?”

“Yeah, Dean,” Sam says, rolling his eyes. 

“You two are being quiet. You okay?”

“Sure,” Sam says at the same time Chase answers, “Better than your face.”

“My face is beautiful, okay?”

“Sure.”

“Seriously, you okay?”

“Sure,” Sam repeats with emphasis. 

“Sammy…” Dean starts. 

“I mean, look, this is the third school we've been to this year, and it's only November. I'm just sick of always being the new kid.”

“It does kind of suck,” Chase agrees. “I’m never able to make friends. No one wants to be friends with the freak who doesn’t know how to keep quiet, and if they do, I can’t keep contact with them longer than a couple weeks.”

“Who needs friends when you have us?” Dean smirks.

“You’re boys. I can’t exactly talk to you about all my problems, Dean.”

“And people pick on me!” Sam exclaims. 

“You'll be fine. If anyone gives you any trouble, you let me know. Relax. Dad said this hunt will take him two weeks, tops. As soon as he gets back, we're out of here.”

“To another school. Awesome,” Sam says, tugging his backpack tighter to his body. 

Once separating from her brothers as they each go to their individual classes, Chase finds herself alone in front of the classroom, twenty pairs of eyes staring her down. Judging her. Inspecting her.

God, she hates teenagers. 

“Is there anything you want to tell us about yourself, Char-”

“Chase. My name is Chase Winchester. Please address me as such.”

“Of course,” the teacher hesitates, unused to being talked to by students like that, but she continues quickly. “Well, go on and tell us three facts about yourself.”

Chase turns to the class, a half smile on her face. “Hi! I’m Chase. I like learning but hate school, love cats, and fighting.”

“What kind of fighting?” A boy in the back of the class asks. 

Chase looks to the teacher out of the corner of her eye, only to be encouraged by a wide smile. 

“Y’know,” Chase mumbles, suddenly shy. “Like fist fighting and shooting and stuff.”

“Shooting? Like guns?”

‘Great, Chase, go ahead and label yourself the freak. Why didn’t you say something normal?’

“Uh,” Chase stalls for time. “Yeah? My dad takes me and my brothers to the shooting range.”

“That’s great, Chase! Go ahead and take your seat.”

Chase does so quickly, face slightly red from embarrassment, and pulls out a notebook, hastily busying herself so she can avoid questions and eye contact. 

***

Harley’s students enter the class room. “Hello everyone, I’m Ms. Wyllt. Today we will be joined by Ms. Scourie and her 3rd period Creative Writing class. You’ll be grouped together in fours, and yes, you can choose your partners.”

A wave of excitement rushed through the class. “You’ll be writing your own unique scenes and acting them out! This project will be due two weeks from now.”

A knock comes from the classroom door, and Harley goes to open it revealing Chase and her class. Everyone enters the theatre room and Chase and Harley go off on their own.

“We’re like the best teachers ever,” Harley says, seeing best friends pair up immediately.

“We are,” Chase agrees.

***

High school was an interesting place for Harley. It was simultaneously the worst and best years of her life. She was depressed and suspended from school, but she found someone who she would give anything, just for her to be happy. She found a daughter. The light of her life and her best friend in the universe.

She found a wonderful friend group who she would die for. Discovered music and made many a memory. At this specific moment she was remembering staying the night at Adina’s.

They were in her basement, Adina was giving Harley a stick and poke of a treble clef.

“Does that hurt?” Adina asks.

“Honestly, this is the most relaxed I’ve ever been. Maybe it’s the sauna, maybe it’s being out of the house, or maybe it’s you. I don’t really care, I might fall asleep before you finish,” Harley responds.

Adina laughs.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“I’m adopting you. You are now my child,” Harley says mostly serious with a hint of joking.

“Okay?”

“I’m serious, you are the light of my life and you make being alive worth it.”

“Aww, thanks!”

“Any time.”

***

Winchesters and Co. sat in the teacher’s lounge eating sloppy joes.

“So, Harley and I are the best teachers.”

“Why, what’d you do?” Dean asks, mouth full.

“Dean, really?” Chase asks. “You’re a pig.”

“Sounds like one at night too,” Sam laughs. 

“I mean not really,” Harley defends.

“Yeah!” Dean exclaims. “It’s Chase that’s bad!”

“I’m not that bad!”

“None of you are bad or I’ve just gone deaf?” Harley says unsure.

“Deaf. Definitely deaf,” Sam says. “These two are both awful.”

Chase sticks her tongue out at her younger brother. 

“So, Sam, did you find any sulfur?” Harley asks.

“I've been over the entire school twice. No sulfur,” Sam answers.

“No sulfur, no demon. No demon, no case,” Dean states.

“I don't know. Maybe I was wrong.”

“Well, it happens to the best of us. I say we hit the road, huh?”

“Fine by me,” Harley adds.

***

“How’s the nonviolence school assembly going?” Sam asks, as though joking.

Chase smacks his arm. 

“What?” Sam asks. “Too soon?”

“Yes, Sam. Too soon.”

“Apparently, shoving a kid's arm into a Cuisinart is not a ‘healthy display of anger.’ So, the kid had ectoplasm leaking out his ear?” Dean asks. 

“Which only comes from a really pissed off ghost,” Chase says.

“It’s got to be ghost possession,” Harley concludes. 

“Yeah, but that’s pretty rare,” Dean hesitates. 

“Yeah, but it happens. I mean, they get angry enough, they can take control of a person's body,” Sam says. 

“Alright, so what, we got a ghost in the building?” Dean asks. 

“Yeah, but where? I mean, there's no EMF. Maybe we could find out who it is, at least. You know, check and see if somebody died bloody around here or something.”

“Way ahead of you. I had to break into the principal's office to get this. Oh, and FYI, three of the cheerleaders are legal. Guess which ones,” Dean smirks, pulling a paper out of his pocket. 

“No,” Sam deadpans.

“Oh!” Chase exclaims. “Is the cute black haired one with the hazel-y green eyes?”

“Yes,” Dean smiles, giving Chase a high five. 

“Knew it.”

“I love you,” Harley laughs.

“Why thank you,” Chase and Dean chorus. They turn to each other. “She was talking to me! No, she wasn’t. Yes, she was!” They turn back to Harley. “Harley?”

“I love when y’all talk at the same time.”

“That doesn’t answer our question,” They both say. They turn to each other again, but say nothing, opting to stick their tongues out at each other instead. 

“Are you sure I’m the youngest?” Sam sighs.

“Pretty sure, Sammy,” Dean says. 

“Moving on,” Sam replies. 

“So, there was only one death on campus. It was a suicide back in '98. Some kid named Barry Cook,” Dean notices Sam’s face fall, “What?”

“I knew him. How did he die?”

“He slit his wrists in the first-floor girls' bathroom.”

Harley swats Dean on the arm, “Even I have more tact.”

“And that’s saying something,” Chase mentions. 

“Right where the chick got swirly-ed to death, exactly. So, what? This ghost is possessing nerds?”

“And using them to go after bullies,” Harley adds.

“Well, is that something Barry would do?” Chase asks. 

“Barry had a hard time,” Sam says. 

“Didn’t we all?” Chase asks.

***

Chase walks down the hallway, shooting a smile at her brother, Sam, who is walking with a boy his age. He waves back to her. ‘At least he made a friend,’ she thinks to herself.

Unlike her at that moment. Ever since her slip up in her first period, all of the girls avoided her, and the boys only talked to her if they wanted to make fun of her. Well, for the most part.

“So, are you sure you don’t want to go out sometime?” a boy in her science class, (Lucas?) asks her.

“For the last time, no. I’m not interested,” Chase says, opening her locker and putting her books away. She grabs her textbooks for the next class, pointedly ignoring Lucas (Definitely Lucas, Chase thinks). 

Lucas grabs her wrist, pulling her towards him. “C’mon, one date.”

“I said no. You have one second to let go of me.”

“Not until you say yes.”

“One,” Chase says. Lucas has enough time to narrow his eyes in confusion before Chase’s fist meets his face.

***

“You punched him?” The vice principal asks.

“Yes,” Chase responds, not missing a single beat. 

“And you say the only thing he had been doing was holding your wrist? Because he wanted to get your attention?” He looks down at the written report of the situation, which both students had to write.

“No,” Chase says, confused. “He wasn’t just holding my wrist. He was touching me without my consent. And he had my attention. He just didn’t like my answer.”

“You could have pulled away.”

“I tried to, but-”

“I’m sorry, Miss Winchester, but violence is not the response to unwanted attention. I know you’re new here, but this is your only warning. If something like this happens again, you’ll be suspended. For right now, however, you have detention everyday for two weeks and you have to have your guardian sign this copy of the report.”

“But this report says I punched him, but doesn’t say what he did.”

“Because what he did was not enough to warrant a report. What you did was.”

“Bullshit.”

“Language. Last warning. Suspension is on the line. Now, go.”

***

“Hey,” Harley greets her mom.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“You got suspended.”

“That’s bullshit. I’m suicidal, that’s not exactly against the rules.”

“You did mention jumping down the stairwell.”

“I know, but it might not kill me. I want to know I won’t come back.”

“Claire,” Harley’s mom sighs.

“I just want to be done. I’m so tired of living.”

“I know.”

“What’s wrong with me? I have so little empathy. Or sympathy? Whichever one it is. And the voices never shut up always, always, always telling me to kill, kill, kill. And I want to. I want to hurt people. To see them scream. I want to watch the light leave their eyes and hear that final breath escape. I want to feel the warmth of their blood across my skin.”

“They’re just thoughts, Claire.”

“They’re not though. They’re voices and feelings. They’re primal urges that I have so much trouble controlling. They’re proof I’m a monster.”

“You aren’t a monster.”

“Then why do you insist on me eating raw steak instead of buying me blood?”

“Because drinking blood is evil.”

“But I need to do it to survive. So doesn’t that make me evil?”

“No.”

***

The four hunters, each pair in their own vehicle, drive to the graveyard where they know the remains of Barry Cook lie. The air is thick with tension in the Impala, while the girls don’t think much of the situation. 

“So, after this, you want to get pie?” Chase asks.

“Umm… Duh?” Harley answers.

“Do you want to invite the boys or do you want to avoid Dean still?”

“I think Dean and I are fine, I mean he hasn’t said anything since we talked it over.”

“That’s good. I was about to suggest couple’s therapy.”

“We aren’t a couple.”

“Close enough,” Chase waves her hand, shrugging. “Anyway, we’re almost there. I don’t know about you, but I don't want to dig up a grave. How do we get the boys to do it for us?”

“Rock, paper, scissors?”

“Coin toss?” Chase pauses. “No, I like rock, paper, scissors. I always know how to win against Sam. He always does rock.”

“And Dean always chooses scissors.”

***

Sam and Dean dig where the grave of Barry Cook is, while the girls watch in mild amusement.

“Why did we agree to this?” Dean asks. 

“I didn’t,” Sam says.

“Less talking, more digging, boys,” Chase calls to them. They both turn to look at her with a bitch face, before turning back to the dirt. Suddenly, two shovel-fulls of dirt fly through the air to land on Chase, most of it getting in her hair. “You bastards!” she swears, spitting dirt out of her mouth. 

“Less talking, more digging,” Dean says.

“And we’re digging,” Sam finishes. 

Eventually, after about an hour, there’s a loud clunk as a shovel hits the hard wood of a coffin.

“Okay, our turn,” Harley says, nudging Chase forward. Chase grins and takes a matchbox out of her pocket.

“That smile means we should definitely never trust you with fire,” Dean says as the boys climb out of the hole. 

“Oh well,” Chase shrugs. 

Harley pours salt and gasoline on the remains, while Chase  lights a match, her grin growing in width. 

Dropping the match, Chase and Harley step back as flames leap into the air. The smell of charred bones and flesh and gasoline looms over them as the four hunters walk away from the scene. Going back into their individual cars, the group is quiet. 

***

Jack and Baby were parked on a hill a little ways away from a bridge. Sam is shirtless because Harley is sewing up the stab wound he sustained from a girl possessed by the ghost.

“Only you are nerd enough to get stabbed by a compass,” Chase scoffs.

“Compass? Compasses can’t do that,” Dean says.

“A math compass, Dean. As in, an instrument to draw circles.”

Dean pointedly ignores Chase. “Here, this will make you feel better,” he says. Sam nods, taking the beer. “That ghost is dead!” Dean practically growls. “I’m gonna rip it’s lungs out. Well,” he pauses. “You know what I mean.”

“You do realize the most we can do is put it to rest,” Harley points out continuing her work.

“It knew my name, guys. My real name. We burned Barry’s bones. What the hell?” Sam says.

“Maybe we missed something. We could have been wrong about Barry,” Chase says. “We just got to go back.”

Dean, looking through paperwork, suddenly gasps. “No way, how did we not see this before?”

“See what?” Harley asks.

“Check it out -- Look, Martha Dumptruck, Revenge of the Nerds, and Hello Kitty -- they rode the same bus.”

“Okay, so maybe the bus is haunted,” Sam suggests. 

“Well, that would explain why there's no EMF at the school, but not the attacks. I mean, ghosts are tied to the places that they haunt. They can't just bail.”

“Actually,” Chase starts.

“Actually,” Dean mimics in a high pitched voice. No one laughs. Chase gives him a look, unamused. Dean sighs, “Continue.”

“Actually,” Chase says again, emphasizing the word and shooting Dean another look, “there's lore about spirits possessing people and riding them for miles, then whenever they leave the body, they're bungeed back to their usual haunt. But until then, the ghosts can go wherever they want.”

“So a spook just grabs a kid on the bus and walks right into Truman?” Dean asks, not convinced.

“Well, yeah,” Chase says.

“Ghosts getting creative -- well, that's super,” Dean says sarcastically. 

“Sounds possible,” Harley says, agreeing with Sam and Chase. 

“You’re supposed to be on my side!” Dean pouts. 

“I’m on my side,” Harley says, sticking her tongue out at him.

***

“Do you see anything?” Chase calls to the boys, who are inside the bus. 

“It’s definitely not clean,” Sam responds. 

“Here, ghosty, ghosty, ghosty! Come out, come out, wherever you are!” Dean calls.

“Yes, Dean, because saying ‘Here, ghosty, ghosty’ is sure to make it appear. Maybe it’s Casper the friendly ghost!” Chase says in a heavily sarcastic tone.

“Or the Boo Brothers,” Harley adds.

“Got anything better?” Dean asks, before adding, “Nice one,” at the end of his statement.

“Man, I don't get it. No one ever died on this bus, and it's not like there's a body hidden in here,” Sam says.

“Or is there?” Chase asks ominously.

“Yeah, but a flap of skin, a hair, I mean, hell, a hangnail -- something's got to be tying the ghost to this place. We just got to find it.”

“I really hope it’s not a hangnail,” Harley says.

“I dunno,” Chase says. “Hangnail’s better than a ‘flap of skin’.”

“I’d rather deal with the skin, thank you very much.”

“Got a new driving permit. Issued two weeks ago,” Dean says from the front of the school bus. The girls go over and peer at the papers in Dean’s hand.

“Isn’t that just before the first attack?” Chase asks.

“Yeah,” Dean says. “Name of the bus driver is Dirk McGregor Sr., 39 North Central Avenue.”

“McGregor?” Sam asks.

“Yeah, why?”

“I knew his son.”

“Did you know everybody at this school?” Dean asks.

“How’d you remember his name?” Chase asks incredulously.

“And his last name, at that,” Harley adds.

“Just because your guys’ attention span is that of a gnat and your memory like a goldfish, doesn’t mean I can’t remember things.” He pauses. “Besides, do you not remember anyone you went to school with?”

***

Harley spent her Valentine’s Day junior year watering a bouquet of purple roses from every water fountain she could find. Everyone wanted to know where she got them and every time she had the same response, “They’re for Julia.”

She was careful and tore off every faulty petal in order to make sure the bouquet was perfect. It was at the end of the day when she finally could give Julia her gifts. One of which was a card asking her to be Harley’s girlfriend.

“Hey,” Julia says.

“Hey,” Harley responds.

“I adore the card.”

“I’m glad. So what’s your answer?”

“I really don’t want you to feel like I’m stringing you along, I’m moving in four months, back to Washington. I just don’t want to get attached and hurt you.”

“It’s fine, I might move too, but who’s to say we can’t make the most of the time we have here?”

“I just don’t want to waste time on something if I know it has a deadline. You know? I still wanna be friends.”

“Yeah, I guess, do you mind if I take a day or two though?”

“Take your time. I’m here though.”

“Thank you,” Harley says before leaving as her heart silently breaks.

***

“So that’s it then,” Chase says, disbelief written on her face.

“Well, yeah,” Nathaniel says. 

“You’re just done. With us. With everything?” Chase’s voice is drenched in desperation, as though if she argued her way through it, he’d change his mind.

“There isn’t anything there anymore.” Nathaniel’s face is like stone- like always. His blue eyes guarded, mouth in a thin line.

“Well, you could’ve fucking told me that in the beginning instead of leading me on!”

“I never led you on!” Nathaniel says, finally showing some semblance of an emotion, causing a surge of pride in Chase’s chest. Not many people were ever able to get under his skin, let alone in a way for him to care enough to defend himself.

“Then what do you call two days ago? Saying you liked me. Spouting that bull about talking to my dad and brothers!”

“I just decided that this isn’t working out.”

“Decided,” Chase repeats. “Decided? You don’t just decide these things, Nathaniel. They’re emotions! You can’t just flip off your emotions like a switch!”

“I didn’t. I’ve felt like this for a while.”

“Oh, so we’re backtracking to the leading me on part, are we?”

Nathaniel groans, running a hand through his hair. 

“No, you don’t get to be frustrated. You’re the one that promised you’d be there. You’re the one that promised you wouldn’t leave. You said nothing I said or did could make you leave, so what the hell? What do you call this?”

“I call this deciding it’s not working out!”

“Fuck you, Nathaniel. You’re a poor, pathetic, useless, spineless, son of a bitch! Everyone who ever said you weren’t worth it, were right! You weren’t! I thought you were different, but whoops. Guess the joke’s on me, huh?” Chase turns to leave.

“You don’t get to have the last word in this.”

Chase turns back to look at Nathaniel over her shoulder, tears falling down her face. “You knew full well. No, you know full well that I am in love with you. That all I wanted was for you to be happy, and for you to be in my life. I didn’t start this romance shit. You did. So, if this is the end of so much time, so much fucking time and effort, of my life I spent fighting with you, hating you, loving you, and being on and off friends with you, then know this. You’re ending this. You’re the reason this got fucked up. Not me.”

“You and I both know that this is your fault,” Nathaniel says.

Chase just ignores him and walks away, backpack slung over her shoulder, and her heart on the pavement behind her.

***

The four hunters sit on McGregor’s couch; Chase and Sam on the left side of the couch, while Dean, who has his arm around Harley as they are holding hands, takes up the right alongside Harley.

“So, you were friends with Dirk?” McGregor asks.

“Yes, sir, in high school,” Sam replies.

“I don't recall Dirk having many friends at Truman.”

“When did, uh -- when did Dirk pass?” Dean asks.

“He was eighteen.”

“What happened to him?” Chase asks.

“Well, there was, first, drinking, then drugs, and then too many drugs. And then he just slipped through my fingers. It was my fault. I should have seen it coming, you know? Dirk, he, uh -- he had his troubles.”

“Troubles?” Harley prods.

“School was never easy for Dirk. We didn't have much money, and, well, you know, kids -- they can be cruel. They picked on him.”

“They picked on him?” Sam asks, surprised.

“They called him poor and dirty and stupid. They even had a nickname for him -- Dirk the jerk. And after what happened to his mother, he…” McGregor cuts himself off.

“His mother?” Chase asks.

“Yeah, Jane, my wife. She died when Dirk was 13. Cancer. I was working three jobs, so it fell to Dirk to take care of her. And he was a great kid. He made sure Jane got her medicine. He helped her, cleaned up after her. But, you know, you -- you watch somebody die slow, waste away to nothing... it does things to a person. Horrible things.”

“I didn't know about his mother,” Sam says quietly.

“He -- he wouldn't talk about her, not even to me. Lot of anger in that boy.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Well, we'd really like to pay our respects, Mr. McGregor. Um, you mind telling us where Dirk is buried?” Dean asks.

“Oh, he wasn't. I had him cremated,” McGregor states.

“All of him?”

“Well, I kept a lock of his hair.”

“Oh, that's -- that's nice. Where do you keep that?”

“On my bus, in my Bible.”

***

The brakes squeal loudly as Chase slams on the brakes, swearing. Moving off to the side of the road, the two girls hop out of the car, following quickly behind Sam and Dean. Sam walks up to a man getting out of the bus, while Dean sneaks around the other side of the bus, to be behind the man and anyone getting out. 

“Dirk!” Sam yells. The man who’d gotten out of the bus first turns to Sam with a cruel smile on his face. 

“Winchester, what are you gonna do? Shoot me?”

Dean sneaks up behind Dirk and wraps a rope around his body, while Harley rushes into the bus. “This rope is soaked in salt water. You’re not going anywhere.”

“Alright, everybody. Stay where you are and everything will be fine,” Harley says. 

“Aren’t you the drama teacher?”

“No, not really. More like ‘21 Jump Street’. The bus driver sells pot. Yeah, that’s it.” She starts to shuffle through the front of the bus, looking for the hair. After a moment, she looks up in exasperation. “It’s not here!”

“Where is it?” Sam demands. Dirk simply smirks. 

“Nowhere you’ll ever find it.”

Sam, obviously done with the situation, puts the gun directly against Dirk’s chest. Dirk struggles against the rope for a second. “Where is it?”

“Sam Winchester. Still a bully. You, you jocks... you popular kids... you always thought you were better than everybody else. And to you, I was just Dirk the jerk, right? Now you evil sons of bitches are gonna get what's coming to you.”

“I'm not evil, Dirk,” Sam says. “I'm not. And neither were you. Trust me. I've seen real evil. We were scared and miserable, and we took it out on each other -- us and everybody else. That's high school. But you suffer through that, and it gets better. I'm just sorry you didn't get a chance to see that... you or Barry.”

“Nothing is going to get better for me. Never.”

Dirk breaks out of the rope, knocking Dean to the ground easily. Sam shoots him with a salt round and he goes flying. A student, within moments, climbs out of the bus, obviously possessed by Dirk. 

Chase rushes over to the passed out bus driver, making sure he’s alive. 

Harley tries to shoot at the student, but misses, as the ghost beats Sam up. 

“Chase!” Sam calls. “Find the hair!”

Harley takes this moment to check on Dean, who’d been knocked out moments earlier. 

Chase pats down the man, trying to find where the hair had been hidden. Finally finding it, she reaches into his pocket and takes it out. “I swear, this isn’t what it looks like,” She mutters to herself, grabbing a lighter. She lights the hair on fire and the Dirk-possessed student screams. 

The student slumps forward onto Sam, who struggles beneath the weight of the larger student. Dean laughs from his spot on the ground, next to Harley. He winces, holding his head in pain. “He’s giving you full cowgirl,” Dean laughs.

This breaks the tension and the four hunters begin to breathe normally again, glad to be done with Dirk-the-Jerk.

[mystoriesmylives]

Bluebirds-Cain

Triggers for suicide mentions.

Cain thinks he’s a good father or an adequate father at least.

He remembers when Collette got pregnant, how happy she was. Cain was nervous and told Collette he didn’t think he will be a good enough father. When he told Collette his fears, she comforted him, saying they will do it by the best of their ability. The months passed with them preparing a nursery and discussing baby names. When they found out it was a boy, the decided on Castiel, after the angel for Thursday. They were joyous in those months.

But when Collette was eight months pregnant, her water suddenly broke and she started to bleed. He quickly brought her to the hospital and the doctors then said they need to operate. Four and half hours later, the doctor came out and said Collette died and his son was premature. His mind was fuzzy; all he heard was “hemorrhaging” and “high blood pressure” and that there is a chance his son won’t make it. He remembers walking to the nursery and seeing his newborn connected to tubes and in his incubator. After weeks of making sure his son will live, he finally took him home.

He remembers back to those years with fondness and melancholy. He remembers five A.M. feeding and diaper changing, while also trying to work through his grief with losing Collette. He remembers moving nearer to the woods, which helped more with his beekeeping business. He remembers with fondness a toddler Castiel trailing after him, wearing nothing but his small overalls, looking at fascination at the bees. He remembers how nervous he was when Castiel started kindergarten, who was just happy over his bee backpack. How relived he was when Castiel came back home, happily babbling over his new friend, Dean Winchester.

Cain watched the boys grow up together, both attending elementary and high school together. How they defended each other from bully’s to pranks to dances. Cain became friends with the Winchester; he liked Mary and Sam, but he always felt at odds with John. He felt like John was threatened by him somehow; that he was trying to prove that he was “manlier” then him or something. It always made Cain roll his eyes in annoyance. But Dean and Sam were always welcomed in his home. He wondered if he was seeing things when he noticed how close Dean and Castiel were becoming.

When Castiel was 15, he walked into their living room, looking nervous as he stared at him. Cain was concerned to say the least.

“Castiel, is something the matter?” Cain asked. He always called his son by his full name; he could never call him Cas.

“Um, Dad, I need to tell you something. It’s important.”

Cain watched patiently as Castiel paced around the room. He then fully faced him with a determined look on his face.

“Dad, I’m gay.” Castiel blurted out.

Cain just blinked at the outburst and said,

“Ok?”

Castiel blinked back at him and frowned.

“You’re not bothered by it?”

“No, Castiel, I’m not. You are my son and I do not care for you preferences, I still love you all the same.”

He watched as Castiel stares at him blankly and then burst into tears. Cain quietly got up, frantic at his son’s tears.

“Castiel, what is the matter?” Cain asked anxiously.

“I-I thought the worst. Thought you will kick me out or-or…”

Cain couldn’t help but feel slightly hurt. He never showed any type of homophobia or any type of bigotry; he never believed in any of that nonsense. But Castiel must have felt it could still happen, like so many others who were in the same position.

Castiel then hugged Cain, sniffling as he hugged him tight.

“Thank you, thank you.” He sniffed as he looked at his father, “I just feel…so lucky.”

Cain smiled at that and then pulled back to look at his son.

“Castiel, I want you to know that whatever happens, you will always be my son and I will always love you.”

After that talk, Castiel was more open with Cain. When he turned 16, he told his father that he was going out with Dean (which he totally saw coming) and that he was upset that Dean didn’t want to make their relationship public, like he was ashamed. Cain assured Castiel that Dean was probably not ready, though he had a feeling that John has something to do with it. One Friday night, Castiel sat across him, looking anxiously at his phone.

“Is something the matter, Castiel?”

“It’s just…Dean said he was coming out to his family this week and he still hasn’t called me.”

“I’m sure he will call when he can.”

Castiel nodded as he got up and walked to the kitchen. Cain heard Castiel’s phone beep and smiled, hoping that will ease Castiel’s anxiety. He then heard a gasp and Castiel feet rushing to the door. Cain stood up and ran after him, wondering what caused Castiel distress.

“Castiel, what’s wrong?” he said they got to his jeep, and grabbing one of his arms.

“Dean…he sent me a text.” Castiel said frantically, “He said he loved me and goodbye. He was saying goodbye to me, dad. Why would he say that?!”

Cain himself felt panic as he and Castiel got into the jeep and drove fast to the Winchester home. Cain felt his heart plummet when he saw the sirens and flashing lights. He barely parked the car when Castiel ran out and towards the ambulance. He got out himself and watched as Castiel spoke to Sam, frantically speaking to each other. When Cain got to the boys, he saw Castiel’s face was white as a sheet.

“Castiel , what happened?” he asked, frightened by his son’s reaction.

“D-Dean tried to hang himself.” Castiel whispered. “He tried to kill himself.”

Castiel then fainted into his father’s arms.

Cain paced in the waiting room, then stopped to look at his son. Castiel looked so despondent, like his entire world just collapsed.

They both found out that Dean came out to his family, and it didn’t go well…at all. John roared at him and then said he was going to a straight camp or he will be kicked out. Mary agreed with John, which surprised Cain since she usually is so open-minded. John was conspicuously missing. He glanced at Castiel again and was again struck by how terrible Castiel looked. He sat next to him and started to rub his back, making him look up at him with teary eyes.

“This is all my fault.” He said.

“No, it’s not Castiel.”

“But if I didn’t pressure him…” he sobbed, “If I didn’t keep telling him…”

“Castiel, what Dean did was of his own accord, you had nothing to do with Dean’s choice.”

Castiel broke into sobs and all Cain could do was hug his son together. He then saw Sam and Mary walk in, looking like Death walked over them. Mary looked distraught while Sam spoke up.

“They said he sprained his neck badly and that he is very lucky.” Sam said in a quiet voice. Mary walked over to a nearby window and Cain followed her. The two adults stood near the window, until Mary broke it.

“Are you here t rub it in?” Mary snarled, “Tell me how I’m such a bad mother?”

“Mary…”

“Don’t you think I know that already?! Don’t you think I already know I failed?!” Mary sobbed as Cain rubbed her back. He then sighed and looked at the Winchester mother.

“Mary, I don’t understand. Sending Dean to a straight camp? Don’t you know that could destroy him.”

“It-it was an empty threat. I thought it could straighten him out, to pull him from this phase. Maybe it could fi-”

“If you say fix, so help me God…”

“Don’t you know what happens to gays?” Mary shrieked, “I don’t want my son to be like that and it is just a phase. He will get over it.”

“It’s not a phase, Mary. Something this big is not a phase. How could you do something like this?”

“Don’t judge me, Cain! You don’t know how it is, your son isn’t gay!”

“Actually he is.”

That stopped Mary in her tracks.

“What?”

“Castiel is gay and he and Dean have been a couple for almost a year.” He said, folding his arms, “You had no idea, did you?”

Mary’s blank stare have his answer to him and he sighed, rubbing his temples. Sam then walked into the room, staring at his mother with blazing, tearing eyes.

“I knew.” Sam said, “I knew and I didn’t care. I still loved Dean. I didn’t care. Why didn’t you love him?”

“Sam-”

“Why didn’t you love him, Mom?”

Sam then walked away, leaving a sadden Cain and a devastated Mary.

The next few hours pass with the same somber tone and all Cain could do is observe.  H watched as Castiel and Dean friends walked in, all shocked and scared. Mary looked at some of the friends in confusion, which made Cain think she really knew nothing about her sons’ life. John was still missing, which just pissed him off. Dean woke up, but refused to see anyone; he was on suicide watch which seemed to unnerve Cain and Castiel. Cain finally forced the kids to go to the cafeteria to eat and get some fresh air.

He suddenly heard loud voices and looked down the hall to see John and Mary arguing in the hallway. He tried to tune it out until he heard a snippet of Mary’s voice.

“You weren’t there, John. You weren’t the one who walked in on him! You weren’t the one who had to cut him down!”

Cain’s eyes widened and he leaned against the wall with a sigh. So Mary was the one who found Dean; he wondered if that why she was snappish earlier. He then thinks of how the Winchesters will ever recover from this.

An hour has passed and Dean would only allow Castiel to see him. It has been 15 minutes since his son went in and Cain expected Castiel to run out screaming or something. He couldn’t help, but take a peek into the rom. He saw the two boys; Castiel standing up with a tense face and Dean on the bed, wearing a neck brace and also with a tense face. Then Castiel finally spoke up.

“Why Dean? Why did you do it?” Castiel choked out, “God, Dean, is it because of me? Because I pressured you? Because I wanted you to…”

“No, Cas, no.” Dean rasped.

“God, Dean. You are such selfish twat! Didn’t you think about the people who cared for you? Didn’t you think how I will feel? Didn’t you think I would have just followed you?!”

At that moment, Cain left, unable to hear anymore. He can’t imagine losing Castiel, not only was he his whole world, he was also his last tie to Collette. He stumbled away, trying to will that image away. He then saw John leaning against the wall and he felt his anger reared its ugly head.

“Why are you here?” he snarled, getting Johns attention, “I thought you will be halfway into a bottle by now.”

John looked like he was about to retort, but Cain beat him to it.

“You know, John, I took a lot of your shit over the years, but this is it. I watched you put Dean down for year, making him feel like he was nothing. Well, here is the result of your work.” He snarled, his hand waving to Dean’s room “You hurt him, and it hurt my Castiel.”

Cain took a deep breath and glared John.

“Dean will be living with me from now on. I think it will be better to be with a loved one.”

With that, Cain turned around and left without a word.

The last 6months were one of the most emotional and turbulent for Cain.

Dean for certain moved in with him, along with Sam, who absolutely refused to leave his brother’s side. He watched as Dean and Castiel talked in his garden constantly; the majority of them ending in tears and embraces. Their friends came by constantly; though at first they walked on eggshells around him. But they then gave the support and care he needed. Cain also knew they were having a hard time at school, but Castiel didn’t come to him with any complaints.

Cain watched as Dean slowly opened up and became a more independent and happy young man. He offered to pay for his stay, but Cain wouldn’t hear of it. He also watched as Dean went to therapy as he let out that he wanted dot go to college and become a teacher. Cain couldn’t help but feel somber that Dean only bloomed when he was away for John’s poisonous words.

It took Mary awhile to come around. Cain realized that it wasn’t because she was homophobic, but only that she was surprised she didn’t know a lot about her son and that she was just blindsided by his coming out. She didn’t visit her sons for weeks because she was ashamed of herself and her sense of failure for her sons. She finally came a month afterwards, Dean and her talking for about an hour, which resulted in Dean and Sam moving back in two weeks.

John left for parts unknowns, which Cain didn’t give a damn about.

He didn’t think John would come back, but then he came unannounced to a barbeque at Dean’s home. Everyone was frozen; Castiel stood near Dean as though he was going to throw himself in front of him. Cain himself was going to throw him out, but John spoke up.

“Um…Dean, could I talk to you in private…please?” John said, looking at Dean’s neck, more specifically, the scar from the noose. Castiel was about to say something, but Dean held a hand up.

“Fine, let’s go over here.” Dean said as they walked to an empty corner. Cain watched as John seemed to talk frantically, while Dean stoically listened. Then Dean seemed to say something and then John nodded. John left the backyard and nodded at Cain before he left. Cain looked back at Dean, who was being comforted by Castiel, wrapped in an intimate embrace.

Cain looked up and said a silent prayer for him and the boys, praying for Collette to watch over them.

AN: Here is a fic that gave me so much grief, but I’m so glad to get it done. This is actually going to be a three part series, with Mary and John’s point of view.

I was inspired from a tumblr self-help post, where it talks about suicide and what will happen if the person who finds them. So, this was born.

I could just see Cain as Castiels father, its such an adorable idea.

Comments are loved! I don’t own SPN!

[agreateryesterday]

Wincest - Mpreg fics

Bottom!Sam

Things from the past by Winmance

*Finished* 2 chapters

She remembers how Dean looked at Sam, like the sun never shined before Sam was here, like the colors, the air, the love, everything around him was non-existent before Sam. And Sam, little baby Sammy, would look at Dean with the exact same look, as if he already could tell that his brother would do everything for him. Now, 35 years later, they still look at each other the same, but while she should be happy to see how her boys still love each other, how close they still are, she can’t shut the weird feeling in her belly.

Our Happily Ever After

Thing 1 and Thing 2 by marvelous_spn

*Finished* 24 chapters, One Shot

All Sam and Dean have known their entire lives was hunting. It made them no strangers to pain and tragedy. But what if something happens to them that changes their lives? What will they do as they are lead down a path they thought would never be possible? Will they finally be able to get their happily ever after?m

Its the girls first Halloween and Sam surprises Dean with the girls costumes! This is a timestamp to Our Happily Ever After. Its just a cute little oneshot; so you do not need to read Our Happily Ever After.

Self Sufficient by Anonymous

*Finished* One Shot

Dean and Cas are four hours out when Sam goes into labour. With no help close by, he has no choice but to deliver his baby, alone.

Not Alone by Anonymous

*Finished* One Shot

Sam is on bed rest as he’s having Dean’s triplets. And he’s bored. And Dean...is slowly being driven out of his mind.

steady beat by thebrotherswholoved

*Finished* One Shot

A car accident and one of the boys end up getting a CAT scan or blood test that shows there’s a uterus/hormones found in pregnancy are high

Christmas Come Early by Anonymous

*Finished* One Shot

Sam’s due date is a few weeks away, which means this will be their last Christmas before their lives change for ever. Their baby, however, has other plans.

Giving Up the Ghost by brokenlittleboy

*Finished* One Shot

One night of unprotected passion and Sam is pregnant. He sees it as the start of something new.

Lullabies by TammyRenH

*Finished* One Shot

Sam can’t sleep, the baby won’t settle, he feels big and unbeautiful. Dean takes care of him.

Secondhand by compo67

*Finished* One Shot

On his seventeenth birthday, Sam receives a used music book from John. It seems like the most useless thing on the day their lives change with the arrival of something new.

Sam Winchester Is Not Okay by Anonymous

*Finished* One Shot

Sam doesn’t know he’s pregnant until after Dean takes on the Mark of Cain, and he decides to keep it to himself until things are a little more under control. But then Dean finds out, and makes it perfectly clear to Sam that he wants nothing to do with it. Oh, and he better not go running to Cas either. Sam is left facing a frightening, difficult few months, but will he be alone when the time comes?

Possessed by multishippinglover

*Finished* One Shot

The demon is teasing Dean saying he will kill the baby.

Don't Worry Sammy, I Got You by professor_hartwin

*Finished* One Shot

Dean and Sam began their less-then-brotherly relationship a little over a year ago, but lately Sam's been acting weird. AU where men can get pregnant just like women.

Sickness and Health by brokenlittleboy

*Finished* One Shot

Sam's sick. Really sick. And after a lot of distancing that Dean doesn't know the cause of, he's more than happy to baby his baby brother. Except delirious Sam has a secret for him that he's not prepared for.

Right Before My Eyes by gothpandaotaku

*Finished* One Shot

Going on a hunt is never really a good idea. Going on a hunt while pregnant is definitely a bad idea. Going on a hunt while eight months pregnant is possibly the worst idea anyone's ever had. Going on a hunt while eight months pregnant and Sam Winchester is downright suicidal.

Worth It by ObsidianRomance

*Finished* One Shot

Sam and Dean go off the grid to ensure their son is delivered safely. That doesn't mean it's not still quite a struggle for Sam or that Dean's going to get through it in one piece.

Prisoner

The Life Inside by multishippinglover

*Finished* One Shots

demon dean gets Sammy pregnant (he doesn't want to have Deans kid) and when he does he tries to sneak out but Dean catches him

Part 2 of Sam pregnant with demon Dean's kid

Threshold by ObsidianRomance

*Finished* One Shot

After hell, labor is a walk in the park for Sam. The hard part comes when he has to push and Dean needs to couch him through it.

The Time Sam Winchester Mistakenly Thought he was Harboring the Antichrist by ObsidianRomance

*Finished* One Shot

Sam is pregnant. He’s convinced he is growing the antichrist in his womb because there is no other explanation for the crazy things going on with his body.

Hello; Imagine Us; Too Good To Be True; Here, Kitty Kitty; I Think I Wanna Marry You; Marriages Are Made In Heaven; Take Me To Church; The Gift That Keeps On Giving; Lullaby; The Mysterious Room of Magical Mysteriousness; I'm The Colorless Sunrise; Life in Color; First Kiss; Thanks For Nothing; Like A Virgin; Heads or Tails; Gender Neutral; Cherry Blossoms by gothpandaotaku (very loosely a series; mpregs are slanted)

*Finished* One Shots

Sam is alone at Stanford. Sam doesn't do alone well.

Desperate for his big brother's attention, Sam follows Dean on a hunt and winds up right in the middle of it.

Sam had always known life with Dean was too good to be true.

Maybe witches weren't so bad after all.

Dean has the realization that he and Sam could get married now. If they wanted. He wants.

Sam and Dean have something they want to tell Cas.

Sam and Dean get married, and cliche's be damned, it may just be the happiest day of their lives.

Sam has a surprise for Dean this Valentine's Day. Dean is very, very surprised.

Sam's not dealing so well with the aftermath of his time Lucifer in Cas' body. It takes a sleepless night for Dean to notice.

Sam and Dean discover a magical room in the bunker and it may be the answer to their problems.

They settled into a routine of sorts. Dean picked up hots chicks in bars most nights, fucked his brother when he felt like it on others, and they never, ever talked about it. Sam felt like he was drowning.

When someone finds their soulmate, their world bursts into vibrant color. For the first time in their lives, they can see the reds and oranges and golds of a sunset; the blues and greens of a cloudless sky. Until then, they’re stuck seeing in dull shades of gray.

Sam and Dean don't remember their first kiss.

Dean's thankful for many things.

Tag to 12x09 "First Blood" Sam and Dean have a little fun after laying their traps.

"In the corner of the aisle there was a small display of Plan B pills. Ignoring the way his hand was shaking, he shoved them into the basket as well. He walked out of the aisle—and turned around, grabbing a second bottle of pills with a smiling, glowing pregnant woman on the front"

Dean gets a gender neutral surprise for their baby.

Sam Winchester's 36th Birthday.

Moves We Take

Choices We Make by ObsidianRomance

*Finished* One Shots

After finding a place for himself hunting with Dean again and sharing the same bed, Sam finds himself pregnant. Lying is an old protective instinct Sam falls back on and he knows Dean isn't going to be happy about anything when he finds out. Dean finds out.

Sam and Dean deal with trying to make sure Sam is able to carry their baby to term and the complications that result from Sam's actions in "Moves We Take."

Protective by multishippinglover

*Finished* One Shot

sam is pregnant. they're walking and suddenly some guy that used to bully sam in highschool runs into them and insults him; and dean gets pissed and knocks him out

free as the birds that fly. by orphan_account

(Last updated July 2, 2015) 5 chapters

When Sam discovers that he's pregnant with Dean's child, things rapidly need to change. Because in a world full of hunters and demons, there's no place for a pregnant teenager. Fortunately, Sam isn't the only one who intends on keeping the child after dropping out of their cruel, violent lifestyle and together Dean and Sam start something new. Something real.

I love you enough to let you go (even though it's going to hurt)

You must've heard me crying by IsabellaStarsAreEverywhere

*Finished* (Last updated Oct 4, 2016) 29 chapters, 11 chapters

Sixteen-year-old Sam Singer is gay and he's living in a small town, not exactly the best combination. Since he doesn't have any friends, he spends most of his free time in the school library. One evening his father, Bobby, invites two hunters over for dinner. John Winchester and his son Dean are passing through town, and they make a stop at the Singers' That was the best day of Sam's life. Dean sees Sam for what he truly is, which is a fascinating person. They decide to meet again, and again. Then Sam gets pregnant. Sam knows how much Dean loves being a hunter, but he also knows that Dean would give up the hunting lifestyle if he knew about Sam's pregnancy. Sam does what he thinks is best, he breaks up with Dean, and has the baby. The baby is a spitting image of Dean, and when Dean shows up there is really no denying who the father is. But can Dean really forgive Sam for what he has done?

Sam and Dean are enjoying married life, and their son, Noah, is now fourteen months old. Both Sam and Dean want to have another baby. Dean has promised Sam that there will be no more hunts, but then Cody shows up at the Winchesters' doorstep with news about a hunt. A hunt that Dean has been waiting for since he was six years old.

How To Handle a Rope by DownInTheGutter

(Last updated Jan 4, 2016) 11 chapters

Sam doesn’t want to have a kid, but Dean won’t let him get rid of it.

Camper by Vexed_Wench

*Finished* One Shot

Dean had spent the last few years searching down any lead that might explain what had happened to Sam. Dean had turned over every rock looking for the smallest clue about what had happened. He wasn't prepared to find out why Sam had run and who helped him stay hidden.

A Night Out by cwgirlup75

*Finished* One Shot

Dean goes out after a fight with Sam.

Monitor

By Your Side

Birth by multishippinglover

*Finished* One Shots

Sam is 2-3 months pregnant, and demon Dean is possessive as hell. Sam has had a rough pregnancy is constantly getting morning sickness. Sam wakes up after passing out from dehydration from being sick in a unfamiliar place, freaks out and nearly hurts himself trying to escape. Turns out, Dean has made a room where he can monitor him 24/7 to make sure he's healthy and the baby is fine because Sam never tells him when he's sick.

part to two the last demon!dean mpreg!sam.

Sam goes into labor during sex

Maybe This Time by TammyRenH

*Finished* One Shot

After Sam miscarried twice in the past (after Dean died in season three then again after he and Cas got sent to Purgatory), he's afraid to tell his brother when he gets pregnant later down the road in case it happens again because he doesn't want to get Dean's hopes up. When Sam makes it past the first trimester, that's when he finally decides to tell Dean they're going to be parents - but he already figured it out and understands why Sam didn't say anything.

Believe In Me by BleuBengal

*Finished* One Shot

Dean looks at Sam with such a sadly hopeful and heartbreaking expression that he feels sick about what he now has to tell him. That he's pregnant at age 16. That they're going to be parents. That their lives are over.

Better Than a Bunny; Be a Brave Little Duckie; What a Month; No Good Deed...; New Traditions; Not a Grape; All I Want For Christmas; Never Again; Thumpy Leena; Peanut Makes Three; Every Boy Wants a Giant; I'm the Gingerbread Boy; A.J. the Baker; There's a Sammy in the Hen House; Holiday Cheer by Vexed_Wench

*Finished* One Shots

Sam gives Dean life changing news while they are window shopping with their son.

A bit of fluff about A.J. and his fear of thunder.

Dean looks forward to the new month.

Halloween with A.J.

Christmas Eve fluff.

A.J. surprises Dean with a sandwich.

Dean has a plan for the holidays.

Dean braves the scariest shopping day of the year.

Dean will always save a lady, even if he can't see her.

A.J. and Sam have a chat and a nap.

Sam and Dean wonder about A.J.'s reading habits.

Dean buys new holiday pajamas for A.J. and Sam's not the only one amused.

Dean should learn to ask what's in the food A.J. makes for him.

Sam loves Dean's cooking.

Dean remembers what it was like when they were kids.

If You're Warm, Then You Can't Relate To Me by gothpandaotaku

*Finished* 4 chapters

"You know what I think? I think it should be you up there." The words keep running through Sam's head, like a song on repeat. The worst part is, he agrees with Dean. It should be him up there. How the hell is he supposed to tell Dean he's pregnant now?

You Are My Freak by CC_Sestra

*Finished* One Shot

Starts out a bit dark but ends up oh so happy. Sam doesn't think Dean should have to deal with him carrying the mystical child he can't get rid of. Of course, Dean disagrees. In spades.

Baby by multishippinglover

*Finished* One Shot

Sam in his final months maybe some cuddles and sweet talk.

Forbidden Love by rockondean

*Finished* 31 chapters

Sam and Dean both secretly love each other more than two brothers should. A drunken night together changes everything. But will they both admit their true feelings for each other, or continue to hide from then? Based sometime after Dean comes back from hell.

More parts for more happiness by CC_Sestra

*Finished* One Shot

Sam gets emotional when preggers.

Safe Place to Land by yellowcloud

(Last updated June 27, 2016) 1 chapter

After retiring from hunting 22 years ago, Sam and Dean have to deal with their nest finally being empty. There is literally no plot -- just happy times and fluff.

A Family Affair by Anonymous

*Finished* One Shot

Sam never expected to end up King of Hell. He also never expected to end up carrying Dean’s child. Hell, it seems, is just full of surprises.

Destination by gothpandaotaku

*Finished* 8 chapters

Mary's back from the dead, Sam's missing (and apparently pregnant), and Dean's head is spinning.

Moving on by random_firework

*Finished* One Shot

The one where Dean is anxious.

Date Night by Anonymous

*Finished* One Shot

Sam is pregnant, everybody´s staring and Dean´s never claimed to be a strong man.

Protective by multishippinglover

*Finished* One Shot

Sam is suffering from depression (a normal thing that happens to 1 out of 10 pregnant people) and ends up hurting himself (not the baby). Dean becomes really overprotective and doesn't let Sam out of his sight afterwards.

Dance in the Graveyards by yellowcloud

(Last updated June 10, 2016) 10 chapters

"So what was it, hmm? What could possibly make you stop just like that? A girl? Was there a girl?" "The girl had nothing to do with it." Sam doesn't look for Dean, and ya, Dean's pissed, but he never imagined that this was the reason why.

Nick Of Time by Anonymous

*Finished* One Shot

With Chuck’s peevishness slowly ruining the world, TFW are busy trying to find a way to ensure their family survives it. That means Sam is left behind to look after Elliot and to ensure his safety since it won’t be long until he’s due to give birth. Unfortunately that comes sooner than expected, and Sam is faced with having to deliver his baby by himself.

Forever Faithful by marvelous_spn

*Finished* 3 chapters

Sam finally has everything he's ever wanted. He got his brother back from Hell, they quit hunting, and settled down in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. However, Dean's unexpected reaction to some news may undo everything they worked so hard for.

Sports Peppers on Hot Dogs by compo67

*Finished* One Shot

Without much warning from Sam, Dean can already tell he’s going to be prodded for another hotdog. This place used to only accept cash, which would actually be good for Dean right now, because he’s out. Six months ago, some hipsters complained and the stand accepts credit cards...

[deans-baby-momma]

Past Haunts-Part 5

A/N: Sorry this week’s update is late but I’m trying to get myself ready for my first day of work tomorrow and yet trying not to think about it too much because then my nerves get the best of me and I get sick to my stomach. But without further ado, here is Part V of Past Haunts.

When a hunt brings the Winchesters back to their old stomping grounds of Truman High, they both discover something that astounds and shocks them. How will this discovery affect their family dynamic??

*Truman High School (earlier)*

Sam leaves the gym to go fulfill his duty as janitor.  Upon entering the emptying classroom, he sees one of the students crumple to the floor. Sam jumps into action, catching the boy before he can hit the floor. 

"Wha-what happened?" the kid asks. 

Sam notices a black goo slowly oozing from his ear. He knows enough to know that it is ectoplasm and that the kid had been possessed by a ghost. He helps the boy up and gets him to the nurse's station and then returns to the scene of the crime to look for more evidence of what is going on and clean the mess.

As Sam is mopping the blood off the floor, the intercom buzzes to life and the principal's voice fills the air. "All students and faculty report to the gymnasium for an impromptu assembly. I repeat, all students and faculty to the gymnasium for an assembly."

While Dean gets his students wrangled and seated on the bleachers for the assembly, the other classes and teachers begin filing in.  Once the guidance counselor initiates the meeting, Dean steps away and exits the gym. He knows this will be the only chance he will have to check the history of former students to try and figure out what is going on in the school. Two violent assaults in just one week, something has to be haunting the grounds. He picks the lock of the principal's office and goes into the records room to begin his search. Five drawers of files later, he hits the jackpot. "Yahtzee," he exclaims as he pulls the pages from the folder. He also pulls the paper from another folder, a cheerleader named Monica, who has fortunately already turned 18. He hopes maybe after the case is finished, he can still have a little fun. Cheerleaders are usually limber and bendy, right?

Meeting Dean in the hallway afterwards, Sam asks,  "How's the nonviolence assembly going?"

"Apparently, shoving a kid's arm into a Cuisinart is not a 'healthy display of anger'. What is going on?"

"The kid had ectoplasm leaking out his ear," Sam explains. "Which only comes from a seriously pissed-off spirit. It's got to be ghost possession."

"That's pretty rare, isn't it?" Dean says, slightly confused. 

"Yeah, but it happens. I mean, they get angry enough, they can take control of a person's body."

"All right," Dean says with a head nod.  "So, we got a ghost in the building?"

"Yeah, but where? I mean, there's no EMF. Maybe we could find out who it is, at least," Sam says, baffled. "You know, check and see if somebody died bloody around here or something."

"Way ahead of you. I had to break into the principal's office to get this," Dean says as he pulls a paper out the pocket of his track pants. "Oh, and FYI, three of the cheerleaders are legal. Guess which ones."

"No."

Dean unfolds paper. "So, there was only one death on campus. It was a suicide back in '98. Some kid named Barry Cook." When Sam slows his stride, Dean stops and looks back to his brother.  "What?"

Sam sighs. "I knew him. How did he die?"

"He slit his wrists in the first-floor girls' bathroom."

"That's where --" Sam begins.

"--the chick got swirleyed to death, exactly," Dean finishes "So, what? This ghost is possessing nerds?"

"And using them to go after bullies, yeah."

"Well, does that sound like Barry’s M.O.?"

Sam sighs again as he thinks back to his own time here. "Barry had a hard time."

The door suddenly opens and a person, a woman, in a waitress uniform walks in, looking toward them. Dean stops in his tracks as all air leaves his lungs. 'It can't be, can it?' he thinks to himself. The one person who had inhabited most of his waking thoughts and all of his dreams after they had left Truman High. Rebecca! The one he left behind. The first girl he had ever felt anything for. He tilts his head when he sees that she hid behind the lockers. Moving slightly faster he stops and turns, his eyes going wide.

 "Becka?"

I startle when he says my name. My eyes meet his and I suck in a breath. 'It can't be. Not him, not now. No, Dean Winchester cannot be in the same building as my daughter!' But I would recognize those green eyes, those dimples and that hair anywhere. I see them everyday in Whitney. 

"Dean? Dean Winchester?" I ask, silently praying I am wrong. 

Unfortunately, my prayers go unanswered as the man in front of me smiles widely,  causing those dimples to pop even more.

"Yeah," Dean smiles brightly.  "Becka, how have you been?"

*Sam’s POV*

Sam looks between the two, shocked at the complete look of joy and delight on his brother's face. It then dawns on him who this woman is. He looks toward her to see the anguish  and dismay in her eyes; the exact opposite of his brother. 

"Okay," Sam says, breaking the silence. "I'll go look into this-" he continues as he pulls the paper from Dean's hand, "-while you two….catch up."

*End Sam's POV*

Sam walks through the door that I had just came through as his brother and I continue our staredown. Until Dean breaks it by looking down, almost like he is bashful or nervous. Yea, right. Dean Winchester, cocky son of a bitch who acted as if he ruled the school back in the day, shy and bashful. No way! But the small shift causes two things for me.

Anger and yearning. Anger, because of how things happened; yearning because let’s face it, I never got over him. 

When I don’t say anything he finally looks up at me through his lashes and smiles a timid smile.

@vickiq9761

@flamencodiva 

@mysteriouslyme

@crashdevlin

@travelingriversideblues-x

@akshi8278

@keymology

@hoboal87

@squirrelnotsam 

@spnbaby-67 

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@lostinaseaoffictionalbliss

@larajadeschmidt13

@tftumblin 

[waddles03writing]

Bullies and A Note

Warnings: Cursing, depression, suicide attempt, self harm, bullying

Synopsis: Y/N Winchester is being bullied at school and can’t take it anymore.

Note: I in NO way am for suicide of self harm if you feel this way reach out and get help.

¨Hey Y/N!” The lead bully yelled

I turned around and faced her sighing knowing what was coming.

¨I saw you talking to my boyfriend again I told you what would happen if you did.¨ She said menacingly ̈Look Alice I have to talk to him he's my partner for the english project.¨ ̈Aw look at little Y/N trying to stand up to me, not gonna work sweetheart. Grab her.¨

Alice and her team of girls grabbed me we were in the bathroom so no one could see us. They held my head to look at Alice. She snickered and punched me right in the gut before I could do anything I was being stomped on it only stopped when it was time to go home.

I jumped into the impala with Dean and threw my stuff in the back. Alice and her goons were smart they never hit my face just places no one would see. I laid my head on the window and just tried to forget what happened.

¨Hey Y/N/N you okay?¨ ̈ ̈Yeah I am.¨ I said back trying to fake happiness

Dean didn't want to push he could tell I was a little upset but he probably thought it my time of the month. We arrived back to the bunker I got out grabbed my stuff and went straight to my room. Id been doing this lately so Sam and Dean didn't think anything of it. But Cas saw me he usually wasn't around at this time of the day. He saw me run to my room he stopped Dean and asked him what was wrong with me. Dean just told him it was probably my time of the month.

I threw my bookbag on the bed and ran to my bathroom and locked the door. Only then did I let the tears come. I opened the medicine cabinet and opened the secret compartment I had put in there and grabbed my blades. I made a few cuts just enough to subside the pain. Then I heard my door open. ̈Y/N are you okay ̈ Castiel asked ̈ ̈Yeah I am.¨

¨okay.̈ Cas said uncertain

With that he closed my door and left I spent the rest of the day in my room. My phone kept buzzing it was getting to the point I wasn't even looking anymore. All the texts were from Alice and some other bullies all saying the same thing. KILL YOURSELF, FREAK, SLUT. Then one more text from Alice saying ̈Hey Y/N I'll see you tomorrow, can't wait to continue our game.¨ In that moment I decided I was done with this all of it. So I wrote a note to my brothers and Cas. It said

Dear; Sam, Dean, and Cas

I'm so sorry but I can't do this anymore. I love you all and I know you can overcome whatever comes your way without me. I just can't keep living like this.

Love Y/N Winchester your sister forever

I read over my note a few times and shook my head and stood up and jumped out of my window and began to run for the woods. I didn't want them to have to find my body so I ran.

Dean's and Sam's Perspective

̈Y/N seems very upset today.¨ Cas stated ̈Yeah she hasn't come out of her room at all.¨ Sam said looking worried

I'll go check on her.̈ Dean said getting up

Dean walked to his sisters room and knocked on the door when there was not a reply he assumed you were sleeping. He was in for a rude awakening he yelled for Sam and Cas once he saw you weren't in your room. Sam and Cas came running you had left you window open and your phone was on the floor. Sam picked it up and saw all of the messages becoming angry. Cas found the suicide note. ̈ ̈Dean! Y/N is going to kill herself ̈ Cas stated throwing the note at Dean and jumped out of the window to find you. Sam and Dean read it quickly realizing then they too jumped out of the window. Cas was the one who found you on the forest floor barely alive with slit wrists. He called for Sam and Dean as he picked you up. He healed you as they came running. Your body was limp in Cas´s arms. Cas started running for the bunker ignoring Sam and Dean coming behind him. He sat you down on the couch and he ran to get first aid supplies his grace couldn't heal you fully but he would not let you die. He pushed past Sam and Dean and began stitching you up. At this point your brothers couldn't hold it together any longer and collapsed to the ground in tears even Dean. When Cas finished he turned to you brothers. ̈ ̈ She'll be alright.¨

¨HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT CAS LOOK AT HER LOOK AT HER!̈ Dean screamed I should have done something I could have stopped this I saw she was upset but I did nothing. ̈ ̈Dean don't beat yourself up we all saw it we all ignored it ignored her let her pull away from us were all to blame. Sam choked out through tears

Cas sat on the ground with your brothers and held them as they cried. Cas felt he was the one to blame the most he knew you were not okay he could feel your pain yet he let you sit in the bathroom and cry. He knew you had felt like this for months but did nothing he was the one to blame.

Y/N Perspective

Hours later

I woke up in my bed with a splitting headache and I realized I had failed I was still alive or in Heaven. But id been in Heaven before this wasn't it my door opened and Dean walked through. He looked so happy seeing me alive and yelled for Sam and Cas and hugged me. ̈Y/N/N you're alive its okay im here they'll never hurt you again I promise ̈ he said not letting go of me I hadn't noticed Sam and Cas coming in.

Y/N Sam choked out and hugged me too. Why didn't you tell us what was happening at school I saw the text messages you could've came to us we could've helped you.

I didn't think it was bad enough to come to you I mean we fight monsters what are a few bullies.

Cas sighed Y/N i'm sorry we didn't notice earlier. Just please never do this again.

Okay. I sighed

Then all three of them grabbed me in a bear hug and we stayed like that on my bed until I could stop crying.

[go-diane-winchester]

Why Screenrant is a joke.

Dollface sent me this.  It was mindboggling how much Sara Schmidt sounds like a quintessential heller.  Everything she pointed at as proof of canon destiel, is fecal droppings found on Tumblr. 

10.  Uriel stating to Dean:  "He has this weakness. He likes you,"

There is so much wrong with this.  You could mean Dean, the Winchester brothers or mostly humankind collectively.  But no, the guy with no sex drive wants to bang Dean.    

9.  Meg calling Dean, Cas's first boyfriend.

The fact that Meg is a demon seems to be lost to this idiot.  Oh, but the demon said something that you like, so she must be right.  Sarcasm is lost on these fools.  And yet they will say the same thing about us critiquing Misha's humor. 

8.  Mistletoe

That's right, Cas and Dean shared a moment under the mistletoe! Did you miss it? While Bieber wasn't really playing in the background, some mistletoe could definitely be sighted hanging above the cuties during season eight's eighth episode, ''Hunteri Heroici''.

The episode features some of Cas's most adorable moments, from trying to be a detective and sniffing a body in the process to staying in the hotel with the brothers, saying another great line: "I'll watch over you." No, it's not a huge 'ship spoiler on its own, but within the context of all the other great one-liners it seems pretty romantic. Or stalkery. However you view it.

Those are the exact words.  Can you say fine tooth comb?  The funny thing is that she does give us an opportunity to pick a view and yes, I do view it as stalkery, because that is what Dean calls its.  He says its creepy and rapey.  Even if we take it as is, it proves Cas likes Dean and does not denote mutual attraction.  

7.  Hugging

''Fans of Dean Winchester know that he might have a reputation with the ladies but he sure isn't what you'd call a "hugger." Yet he seems to be falling into Castiel's arms quite often--and with much more gusto than he hugs his little brother, Sammy.It's not that Sam and Dean never hug; they two share many heartfelt brotherly moments on the show. But Dean seems rather eager to leap into Cas's arms as opposed to the reluctant, awkward back-patting that he exchanges with his own flesh and blood. We get it, Dean. We like hugging the people we're sweet on, too.''

Talk about subjective.  More gusto?  According to who, heller?  He is a hugger.  He hugs lots of people.  Jessica, his parents, Charlie, Jack.  But hold the phone when he hugs Dean.  SMH. 

6.  The profound bond

This is the same quote revisited plenty of times.  This is because hellers don't understand the character of the character they stan.  He doesn't speak ordinary English.  Cas is more Dean's friend than Sam.  That is what profound bond means.  Even if we take it as is, it proves Cas likes Dean and does not denote mutual attraction.  

5.  Dean was able to break to Naomi's brainwashing by saying ''I need you".  Naomi also said that she knew he wanted to "return to him," which sounds like she's alluding to a romantic relationship.

That bit I cannot get.  Cas is so useless to Team Free Will that you can write the last five seasons of SPN without him.  But Dean needs him, why?  Maybe Dean meant ''I need you to not kill me'', despite the fact that it turns on the hellers.  Of course, Sara Schmidt chooses to forget that Jensen scraped the ''I love you'' line.  Sorry hellers, Jensen does not want destiel to be canon. 

4.  I cant summaries this delusion in one line.  There is just too much stupid.

Speaking of that phrase, how many pairings are revealed when one character utters, "I need you," to the other? It's a classic line that's meant to convey more than one need, to say the least, and Dean and Cas tend to state it to one another over and over again to the point where it's a favorite fan quote used most often to support the unofficial couple.

What makes this line even more revealing is Dean's famous disdain for the words, or touchy-feely words in general, as he's repeatedly told his brother throughout the series. Naturally we still get plenty of those brotherly moments, but Dean seems to not mind having those saccharine sweet sentiments with Cas as much and has said this line multiple times.

3.  Balthazar tells Dean, "You have me confused with the other angel. You know, the one in the dirty trench coat who's in love with you."

Balthazar is a jerk.  Taking him seriously, is the dumbest thing anyone one would do.  Even if we take his words as is, it proves Cas likes Dean and does not denote mutual attraction.  

2.  The beard stroke" in Purgatory together

Yes, lets reach right into our arse to look for proof, shall we?  This twat reach right into season 8.  Poor thing.  His clean shaven friend grew a beard and he was amused.  It must mean Dean wants to boink him. 

1.  Dean keeping Cas's trench coat after he died.   

In her over-reaching, she dug up parallels from Ennis and Jack in Brokeback Mountain and how Ennis kept Jack's coat after he died.  Typical heller behavior.  Madame Heller forgets that Jensen laughed at the stupidity of it.  Even Misha laughed because Jensen brought it up right in front of his face.  So he had to agree but behind Jensen's back, Misha called Dean a pervert who was doing things with the coat.  But don't you bother your teeny, tiny, itty, bitty little head with facts.  Stick to your metaphor and parallel if it makes you smile. 

I asked myself if Misha was networking again.  And how come Screenrant writes such questionable material.  I scrolled to the end of the page and found this. 

Click on Write for Us, and fill in the form.  If you are a good writer, you get your drivel published and you get paid.  That is why there is so much heller delusion on Screenrant.  They have absolutely no journalistic credibility because who the heck is fact checking?  No one.  Does Screenrant care?  No.  They just look for traffic.  That is why its called Screenrant and not TVInquirer or something like that.  They don't care how they get views etc.  As long as they get it.  The sad thing is that TPTB on SPN will read the article and think that its the voice of all the fans of SPN.  So lets do something about it, shall we? 

Go forth people, and flood Screenrant with requests to write.  And write the truth.  Its the only way to level the playing field, because these hellers are extremely underhanded.  Their hope may be to bully Jensen into making destiel canon.  Write about the death threats.  Write about Misha's mugging.  Write about the Travis Aaron Wade scandal.  Write about what acceptable shipper behavior is.  Write about how you don't want to see the forcing of a ship, that will make the leads uncomfortable.  Write about mental illness and how, coaxing a suicidal person like Jared to kill himself, is downright evil.  Speak up for Jared, because these people trash his reputation.  Speak up about Nolacon.  Speak up about Jensen's homophobia and his aunt.  Speak about the academic work that revolves around Jensen's homophobia.  Speak up about the entitled hellers who destroyed SPN's reputation with queer baiting accusations.  And earn a buck while you do it.  I am going to do that too.  And I will do it for free.     

https://screenrant.com/supernatural-dean-castiel-destiel-moments/

[shirtlesssammy]

4x13: After School Special

Then:

Sam and Dean were once kids, and they had a pretty crappy father.

Now:

High school, amirite?

A joyous time where friends call you “slut” so you turn around and call a nice helpful classmate a “fat, ugly pig”, only to have the nice helpful classmate turn around and swirly you to death the next day in the bathroom. Plus your parents set your curfew at 9 pm on weekdays.

April, the girl who murdered her classmate, is in an institution. No one believes her story, but Sam Winchester in white scrubs does. Sam asks about sulfur or black smoke, but April just thinks he’s crazy.

Back in the Impala, Sam tells Dean that he believes April’s story and thinks they’ve got a case of demonic possession. The only thing off about it is that she didn’t see any black smoke. Time to check out the school. Dean sarcastically agrees. “Truman High, home of the Bombers.” (Oof, I’m surprised there wasn’t a referendum in that town to change that mascot!)

(And because I paused the video and was granted this aesthetically pleasing shot, I will share with the class)

It seems that the brothers went to this school once upon a time. Dean wants to know their cover. “FBI? Homeland Security? Swedish Exchange students?” Sam’s got an idea.

Cue Foreigner’s “Long, Long Way From Home”, porn shots of Baby, and a flashback to Sam and Dean’s first day at Truman High. A) Baby Sam in his little Carhartt just is the cutest thing ever. B) For all the math nerds out there, the caption says “Truman High School, 1997”. Sam says that it’s November. So, do the math and Dean should have graduated in the spring of 1997. We all know he didn’t because he got his GED. So, the question remains, was Dean held back in school (a VERY real possibility considering his extreme intelligence and extreme dislike for book learning, and all the monster hunts and moving and being a full time parent, etc.) or is he going through the motions of school just to watch out for Sammy? I don’t know which is worse.

Sam and Dean are introduced to their respective classmates. As Sam plops his stuff down on his new desk, his butterfly knife falls out. Millhouse Barry, another student that will soon become friends of sorts with Sam, notices.

Dean, meanwhile is pressing hard on the condescending, misogynistic bravado that we all know isn’t him at all. I really love this tidbit of information that Jensen gave to Brock Kelly, who played the flashback Dean in this episode.  

In Sam’s classroom, while the teacher discusses an essay assignment, Barry gets bullied by another classmate. Sam Fucking Winchester tells the bully to knock it off. Sam, who hasn’t hit his growth spurt yet, is called a midget and Sam, gifted with the self-confidence of a boy that has his tribe (albeit small) and an outsider’s assurance that fitting in won’t matter to his drifter lifestyle (and that butterfly knife in his pocket, no doubt), challenges the bully. The bully flinches.

Present day Sam wanders the halls of Truman High as a custodian. He just walks past his old English class when his old English teacher, Mr. Wyatt, comes out.

Present day Dean is A LOT. He’s dressed as the substitute gym teacher. And well, we all know how much Dean loves to dress up. When he leans into an act, he leans into an act.

He tasks his poor underlings to the art of the Dodge while reconvening with Sam. Sam shames Dean’s outfit, and Dean’s slight look of abashment is so sad. The dude loves to LARP. Sam has been all over the school but not one clue. Maybe there isn’t a case after all.

Meanwhile in Home Ec, Male cheerleader threatens his table partner with a fist to his throat if he doesn’t share his homework. So, the other dude does what any sane person would do and takes said fist and pushes it into a whirling food processor. Sam is there to see the cheerleader whisked away and the other kid fall to the floor, black goo oozing from his ear.

While the school has a non-violence assembly, Sam and Dean have free reign to search the school for EMF and ghosts. 

They’re dealing with a seriously pissed off ghost. Dean already did a little searching in the principal's office and found out that there was one suicide back in 1998, Barry Cook.

Flashback to this gem of a school banner:

Mr. Wanek is the art teacher. ALL THE HEARTS.

We’re shown more bullying of Barry with Sam coming to help. Sam learns that Barry wants to be a veterinarian. “You like animals?” dog loving Sam inquires. “They’re a lot nicer than people.” We also learn that Sam is adorable in his little brown striped hoodie. 

Dean, meanwhile, is making out with a fellow student in the broom closet. This whole scene is a gold mine for Dean analysis. Needless to say, the more Dean tells the girl about his life, the more her alarm bells are going off for him. You’re life isn’t normal or healthy, Dean bby.

Sam and Barry run into Barry’s bully, Dirk, in the hallway. Sam tells Barry to run while Dirk threatens Sam. Sam just stands him down, and starts to walk away before Dirk punches him. His English teacher breaks it up.

In the present day, Sam and Dean burn Barry’s bones and leave town.

Sam laments the fact that if he could have stayed at Truman High just a little longer, maybe he could have helped Barry. Dean tries to console him, and tells him that it was a good thing they got out of there so soon. Sam doesn’t think it was all bad.

Flashback to Dean raging about what Dirk did to Sam, but Sam doesn’t want Dean’s help. He wants to be normal. They’re stuck in this town for at least another week (MY GOD, JOHN WINCHESTER. This. Is. Child. Neglect.) (Sidenote: Dean tells Sam that Amanda wants him to meet her parents. He then says he doesn’t “do parents” and well, we know he met Cassie’s mom and he met Cas’s dad, so sometimes he’ll meet the parents. Just saying, and welcome to my world where I can make literally anything about Dean and Cas.)

Back in time, Mr. Wyatt pulls him aside to ask him about a “non-fiction” essay he turned in where he describes how he and his family killed a werewolf over the summer. Sam’s only somewhat abashed. He’s clearly taken on the mentality that whatever he does in class won’t matter since they’ll be moving on soon. But the teacher tells Sam that his work is good enough that he could be a writer someday. Sam shuts him down: he has to go into the “family business.” (Hey Sam, you can always write on the side, baby.) The teacher asks him if he wants to go into the family business. “No one’s ever asked me that before,” Sam says. SAMMY. While I weep over Sam’s childhood, the teacher encourages Sam to make his own choices in life.

For Pretty Patterns Science

In the present, Sam heads back to find the teacher who encouraged him when he was a child. Standing nervously outside the door, he’s interrupted by a girl who asks him for directions. “Thanks, Sam,” she tells him when he helps her and then she STABS HIM OH MY GOD. “You got tall.” 

She starts beating him up, ectoplasm oozing. Sam shoves a handful of salt into her mouth and expels the ghost.

Back at the car, Dean mirrors the school scene from earlier. He feeds Sam alcohol while he rages about ripping out the ghost’s lungs. “Or, you know what I mean.” They realize that all three of the attacking kids rode the same school bus.

Cut to Dean stalking through the suspect school bus with his shotgun, as one does.

They’re looking for hair, for skin, for anything that might tie a ghost to the bus. Dean finds the bus driver’s recent certification; he started the route 2 weeks ago. He’s the dad of Dirk, Sam’s youthful tormentor.

In the past, Sam confronts Dirk for beating up Barry. When Dirk attacks him, Sam’s had enough. He pulls out his raised-from-birth fighting tactics and quickly beats Dirk to the ground. “You’re not tough. You’re just a jerk. Dirk the jerk.” The nickname spreads like wildfire.

Sam and Dean talk to Dirk’s dad. Dirk died when he was 18 of an overdose. Dirk Sr. tells them that Dirk was poor and bullied. When he was thirteen, his mom got cancer and Dirk took care of her while he dad worked three jobs. As a cloud of guilt descends on Sam, Dean asks for Dirk’s burial site. Unfortunately, Dirk Sr. had him cremated. “All of him?” Dean asks. Dean. Bean.

It gets the job done. Dirk Sr. keeps a lock of Dirk’s hair in the bible on his bus.

That evening, the bus ferries a load of (presumably) football players to a game. Ectoplasm oozes out of the bus driver’s nose. The bus rams over a set of road spikes. I’m asking the screen WHY there are road spikes when Sam Winchester approaches the bus driver. Yeah, motha fuckahs, it’s a Winchester trap. (Related: they keep ROAD SPIKES in Baby’s trunk? Ooookay.) Dean ties up the bus driver, aka Dirk, in salt-soaked rope and then heads into the bus to find Dirk’s remains. He gets recognized as the gym teacher but Dean deflects: He’s 21 Jump Street, man. This ain’t nothin’ but a drug bust.

Dean finds the bible, but there’s nothing in it. Dirk falls into his villain monologue. In his experience, Sam and the popular kids are the bullies - they’re evil. “I’m not evil,” Sam protests because he is CUT TO THE CORE by being called evil. (Me: remembers that this is Season 4 and nods knowingly.)

“We were scared and miserable and we took it out on each other...that’s high school. But you suffer through that and it gets better.” Sam’s words don’t convince Dirk, who bursts free of his bonds. He gets shot out of the bus driver’s body and possesses one of the students. While Sam’s getting the crap beaten out of him, Dean searches everywhere for the hair, eventually finding it in the bus driver’s shoe.

Dean fumbles with his lighter (MY GOD invest in better lighters, boys) and then lights the sheaf of hair on fire. Dirk bursts free from the student and dissolves into flame.

And...we’re in flashbacks again. Dean’s kissing a different girl in the supply closet. Amanda walks in and Dean very, very poorly tries to cover.

Amanda delivers a scathing analysis of Dean: “I thought maybe underneath your whole ‘I could give a crap,’ bad-boy thing, that there was something more going on. I mean, like the way you are with your brother. But I was wrong. And you spend so much time trying to convince people that you're cool...but it's just an act. We both know that you're just a sad, lonely little kid. And I feel sorry for you, Dean.” This devastates Dean, of course. We close the episode with Sam riding an absolute high, beloved by the school and Dean at his lowest. John Winchester shows up just in time, or way too soon, depending on your viewpoint. They climb into John’s car, Sam waves goodbye to Barry, and they leave town.

In the present, Sam finally heads in to talk to Mr. Wyatt. (Sam’s still bruised and cut from the fight so...awkward.) He thanks Mr. Wyatt for the advice he gave him years ago. Sam admits that he made his own choices for a little while but got pulled into the family business in the end. Oh, Sammy. <3 “You took an interest in me when no one else did,” Sam tells him. “That matters.”

“The only thing that really matters is that you’re happy,” Mr. Wyatt tells him. “Are you happy, Sam?”

And...fin.

Rollin’ with the Quotes:

You got your lunch? Books? Butterfly knife?

The whistle makes me their god.

I have to go into the family business.

There may be three or four big choices that shape someone's whole life, and you need to be the one that makes them, not anyone else.

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[hannah-deserved-better]

Why Castiel/Hannah should be a more mainstream ship

This is going to be a long essay, but I need to say it. For those of you who follow me, I’ve said a lot of the same things before, but I think it's finally time to address the naysayers head-on.

Now, before I continue, and before people accuse me of attacking their ship, that’s not what I am trying to do. Yes, Destiel shippers irritate me sometimes, but it’s not the ship itself that annoys me, it's the toxic haters that make up the ranks of that ship. You know who you are. I have every respect for Destiel, Megstiel, and any other ship, really. Just because I personally don’t ship it doesn’t mean I disrespect or hate on it.

But I also think that it's time that my ship also gets the recognition it deserves. And it’s time that Hannah, as a character, gets the respect she deserves. I am always disappointed by how little credit she gets from the fans, I am continually seeing mood boards, aesthetics, collages commemorating the women of Supernatural, or the angels of Supernatural and Hannah is regularly absent from these boards. And she deserves way more than to be forgotten.

I hope that, with the show coming to an end, people who plan to rewatch the show through will remember her and give her a chance to shine.

To illustrate why I think that Hanstiel should be counted among the more popular ships that in involve Castiel, I’d like to debunk the top 10 arguments I have had thrown in my direction by people who think they can bully me away from loving Hannah and Hanstiel.

But they are literal siblings!

Ugh. This argument. Okay if that’s what you think, fine, that’s your opinion, but you need to realize that this is up to personal interpretation. Yes, the angels consider themselves siblings, but it’s evident that the SPN writers don’t necessarily consider this a literal thing because there are a few incidents of angel pairings. Daniel and Adina, fallen angels, were clearly lovers. Also, if Chuck created angels, he also created humanity, but do you consider some random Human on the street your sibling? This is really an old argument, and it doesn’t hold much stock, but it's really up to personal belief about the show. You can’t force your views about this on me, and you can’t try to persuade me your opinion is right because it is just that- your opinion. Mine is valid too.

Also, a side note. If you ship Wincest but pull this ‘angels are siblings’ card, then you are a hypocrite.

But Caroline Johnson was married!

And? So was Jimmy Novak. Are you trying to imply that because Caroline was a woman, she needed to return to her husband any more than Jimmy Novak needed to return to his wife? This argument reeks of misogyny.

Hannah abandoned Castiel when she found out about his borrowed grace.

Yes, she did. But think about it from her point of view, she had this unwavering trust in Castiel as her leader and what he did was considered abhorrent to her and her fellow angels. Finding this out from Metatron instead of Castiel himself was no doubt a shock to her, and it left her scrambling to figure out how to reconcile this blow to her faith in him. And this doubt didn’t last long, as soon as she realized what was going on, she went right back to him and resumed her unwavering trust in him.

Hannah tried to tell Castiel to kill Dean

Again, see it from her point. She was trying to grasp and process what she had just learned. And she knew that angels were blowing themselves up in Castiel’s name. She didn’t want to believe it was true and she needed something to cling to. She doesn’t know the Winchesters, as well as Castiel, does, she has no reason to trust them, and she doesn’t understand the bond Castiel has with them.

Hannah tortured Castiel in season 11

No, Ephraim and Jonah tortured him. And even though it was revealed that Hannah was in on it, it also clear that she was pressured into it. Just look at how Ephraim and Jonah talk to her, they were very disrespectful to her, and it was clear this was their idea. And whatever part she played in this, she protested it, and in the end, she fought and died saving Castiel. She literally gave her life for him.

It’s Hannah’s fault Gadreel committed suicide!

No, it's not. Hannah came down to the prison, and it's clear she wanted to try to understand Castiel’s stance. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t have been down there in the first place. Castiel and Gadreel didn’t need a guard. She was trying to sort it all out, and Gadreel acted impulsively.

Hannah is hot-tempered and impulsive

Hell yeah, she is. She tried to attack Tessa when Tessa called her weak, and she totally started the fight with Adina. Oh, and we can’t forget how she smashed Metatron’s face into the bars for making a sexual remark towards her. But that’s all what makes her an awesome character. She has flaws. As a writer myself, I can tell you that perfect Polly's are no fun at all. Hannah had depth, she was complicated. She was brave and badass, but she certainly had apparent flaws. Besides, are you trying to tell me the Winchesters don’t have flaws? Hannah is badass.

Hannah was obviously meant to be Castiel’s love interest

Yeah, she probably was, but I mean so? Can’t Castiel have a little happiness in his life? Besides, she wasn’t just that. She was his second in command, she was a leader in her own right. She even led heaven! She wasn’t only Castiel’s love interest, she was amazing in her own right.

If you don’t ship Destiel, then you are a homophobe!

First of all, I am a bisexual woman. I am allowed to be attracted to both men and women, and it’s obvious that I am crazy about Hannah. Also, it's okay for me to prefer het relationships. I happen to be married to a man. I am generally attracted to what I can relate to, and there should be no shame in that. In any case, I don’t need to justify my interests to you. And anyway, you do know that Hannah took a male vessel at the end right? And that Castiel took a female vessel in the past?

Castiel obviously loves Dean!

Okay. Like I said, I respect all ships. But you are going to have to come to terms that in addition to Dean and Sam, Castiel also loved Meg and Hannah. He may have even harbored feelings for Kelly Kline. Since none of those ships became completely canon, we the fans, must interpret what we will about it. I don’t ship Destiel, Megstiel, or Castiel/Kelly Kline but I respect that Castiel may or may not have feelings for any one of them in canon. The world may never know if this was so. Chemistry is in the eye of the beholder. I could see clear signs that Castiel had feelings for Hannah, and I can document such signs, but that’s what fiction is. It’s something that’s not real in the first place so we the fans are free to interpret what we see as we will.

And here are some points I want to make as to why Hannah is amazing and why she is precisely what Castiel needed.

Hannah is the kind of rare angel that Gabriel was talking about back in season 9. The type that is more than a machine built to obey

Hannah has empathy. She is a rather passionate angel. This is her strength and her inner struggle. She is an angel, bound by her instincts to obey and stuck in her strict principles of angel code, but it's pretty clear that she doesn’t obey without question. In many ways, she is a lot like Castiel was in season 4, but unlike Castiel, she seems to have had these feelings all along. Castiel had to learn them. In “meta-fiction,” Gabriel claimed that he and Castiel were rebels because they were different than other angels. And I think that Hannah was another one of those rare ones, with the potential to understand free will.

She never once brought up Castiel’s past nor never appeared to resent him or hold a grudge against him or feared him for what he did to heaven

All throughout season nine, when Castiel was without grace, whenever he encountered another angel, they were quick to blame him for the fall. They actively hated him or even feared him. Some even tried to kill him. Many still resented him for the war with Raphael. Pretty much all the angels Castiel encountered harbored these feelings towards him, but when Castiel met Hannah in that warehouse, she lacked that resentment. She had just been tortured by Gadreel and left in a room full of dead angels, and when she met Castiel, she knew who he was. She never once brought up the war with Raphael, or even the fall, something she herself was a victim of and was no doubt traumatized by. She never feared or hated Castiel.

She was devoted to him in a way that no one in the show has ever been

Castiel really needs someone who could devote themselves to him the way that he would devote himself to them in return. Hannah fits the bill. She listened to him when he taught her about humanity. I mean, really listened. And throughout their road trip, she was more concerned with trying to help with Castiel’s fading grace than she was with her mission. His suffering and deterioration clearly bothered her. Even though she acted on impulse many times, she’d listen to him as he explained why things are the way they are here on Earth.

She was even willing to make a deal with Metatron

This one is a big one because it proves that Hannah is like a Winchester! How many times has Sam or Dean made a deal to save one another? They would pick each other over the world any day. And has either of them ever made that sacrifice for Castiel? Well, Hannah was going to. She knew full well the possible consequences of letting Metatron out, but she was willing to do it to save Castiel’s life. If he hadn’t gotten there, she would have. I think it was a surprise to Castiel because no one has ever cared about him like that.

She literally begged him to take care of himself

It’s clear that Hannah had feelings for Castiel, and they motivated her to be concerned with. Maybe Castiel was uncomfortable with her affections because he’s not used to someone being concerned with his well being? Which is really sad if you think about it. Regardless of her feelings for him, Hannah was concerned that Castiel wasn’t taking care of himself. She begged him to try to save his own life or to at least be as concerned about it as she was. And he continued to blow her off and dismiss her, probably because poor Castiel does not value his own life. If he did, then he would at least be willing to try to work with her to find a plan to save himself instead of literally having to have the king of hell step in to save them both.

Castiel trusted Hannah enough to implore her to carry on in his place if he died.

When it became clear that Castiel may not make it to carry out his mission, to help Dean or to find the rogue angels, when Hannah confronted him and implored him to do something about his grace, even reminding him of his mission, he asked her to carry on in his place. She doesn’t think she could do it, but he did. He trusted her, he saw something in her that she didn’t see herself. He believed in her and thought that she was more than worthy of taking his place if he died. That right there is huge.

She is one of the very few angels to ever give up her vessel, and her actions inspired Castiel so much that he decided to look into Claire’s life after all this time.

Hannah did the one thing that even Castiel himself could not do. She admitted she had feelings for him and more than anything, she wanted to stay with him and see where their feelings lead them. She wanted that very badly, but then she encountered Caroline’s husband, and she was reminded about the life she had taken away, and she put her feelings aside to give Caroline her life back. Anyone could see how heartbroken Castiel was to see her go, but he was so inspired by her act of selflessness that he looked into Claire’s life.

In “Meta-fiction,” Metatron explained that he ordered Gadreel to kill all the angels in the warehouse but leave one alive. Gadreel chose to spare Hannah. Did he pick her at random or did he sense that she was different and that she had the power to persuade Castiel to be a leader?

I mean everyone else around them noted how well matched they were. The tow-truck driver, Adina, Metatron, even Crowley. Maybe Gadreel sensed that Hannah was not like other angels and that she might have the power to be an influence in Castiel’s life. Of course, his motives were less than good, but I think he knew that Castiel would respond to someone like Hannah, someone who was like him or had the potential to be.

It’s my headcanon that Castiel and Hannah both have autistic characteristics

This is the last stance, and it is something very personal to me. I am on the Autism Spectrum, and I hold the opinion that Castiel and Hannah both have Aspie characteristics and that if they were Human, they would surely be on the spectrum. This is the single reason why I love Hannah so much. Do you realize how marginalized us aspie girls are in mainstream media? There are so few of us, and most Autistic characters in fiction are male. It is hard to be autistic and female, and here is the one character I can admire and relate to because she is like me.

So there you have it. The case for Hannah and for the Castiel/Hannah ship. I don’t think it should be considered a rare-pair anymore. It is just as relevant as any of the popular pairings concerning Castiel. This will always be my one and only OTP. And Hannah is and always will be my favorite character. Her and Castiel both. I am a Cas girl and a Hannah girl. Just wondering if there are any other true Hannah girls out there.

[profoundnet]

Profound Member Post - December 2018

Header by @pantydean and is available on merch from her redbubble store. You can use all those fancy emojis (and more!) on our Discord Server!

The Masterpost is open for all creations by ProfoundBond members which are posted in entirely during that month.

MEMBER CONTRIBUTIONS FOR DECEMBER 2018!

Masterpost below the cut.

lunastories - @lunastories - lunastories

Inked Feathers, Wounded Skin

Summary: Retired hunters Dean and Sam live in a cabin in the woods, only occasionally taking cases from nearby villagers and those who need their help. Castiel is the very protective harpy that has been awkwardly following (stalking) Dean for years. After Castiel injures a wing, he is taken in by the Winchesters. As Dean tends to him, they form a relationship, and Dean slowly falls for the harpy. But the unique peach cream color of Castiel’s wings hides a secret; one he isn’t sure Dean could accept.

SFW Accompanying art by @correlia-be

supernatural9917 

Supernatural Advent Calendar 2018

Summary: A collection of art and ficlets for every day of advent! A mix of fluff, a lil bit of smut, ugly sweaters, extra fluff, a pinch of schmoop and, oh yeah, more fluff.

NSFW

Accompanying art by @foxymoley

Strangers in the Night

Summary: Dean meets Cas in a bar. They both have rings on their fingers, but that doesn't stop them sharing a night of passion. Written for the Destiel Smut Bingo. Square fill: Roleplay as strangers in a bar.

Tags: roleplay as strangers in a bar, mention of infidelity, but it isn't really, Crash and Slow Burn verse

NSFW

Locked Out

Summary: Dean is always getting drunk and locking himself out, then calling his locksmith buddy Castiel to get him back in. This time is a little different, though.

Written for the Destiel Smut Bingo. Square fill: One is a locksmith and the other is locked out and naked.

NSFW

iCeDreams - iCeDreams 

Fully Booked

Summary: Dean just wants to buy a book for Christmas. Is that too much to ask for?

Tags: Bookstore Setting

SFW

MarshiarasDream & HeartsandThumbs 

Who Needs 12 Days of Christmas Anyway? 

Summary: Cas has finally told his parents that he’s gay. That promptly led to him being uninvited from the family Christmas. So he plans on spending the holidays on his own, grading papers. Enter Dean, who will not let this stand. No way will he let his best friend - who he may or may not be harboring a crush on - be alone for Christmas.

Tags: AU, College AU, ChristmasFluff, Pining, yes there’s mistletoe, Gratuitous Hamilton References, Idiots in Love, alternating pop

SFW

mrshays - @mrshays - mrshays

Elves

Summary: The elves take over the bunker for the Holiday Drabble Prompts list. 39. How many elves on the shelf is too many? 11. When I think about you, I touch my elf Prompts written by @kpopfanfictrash, @knockknocksoosthere, and @chanesollins

Tags: Double Drabble, Christmas Fluff, Jack's Three Dads, Elf on the Shelf, Dadstiel

SFW

artbloggouinetteparletrop - @artbloggouinetteparletrop - gouinette-parle-trop

Under the Pillowfort 

Summary: A quick comic type of drawing i did to celebrate my first week on pillowfort. Dean and cas (college AU) are enjoying a cosy night under a pillow fort.

Tags: destiel, destiel fan art, destiel college AU, castiel, dean winchester, destiel fluff

SFW 

Dummies in love in the coffee shop

Summary: A fan art i made to thanks deliciousirony for their lovely fic. It's a realistic painting of dean and cas taking a coffee while both waiting for their blind date to arrive ;) Tags: destiel, destiel fan art, destiel college AU, dean winchester, castiel SFW

Accompanying fic by @delicious-irony

BlazeEBlake - @blazeeblake - BlazeEBlake

Winchester Circus & Its Fantastical Fallen Angel 

Summary: For nearly a decade Castiel has strayed further and further from home, doing his best to drive himself to distraction from what awaits upon his return. When a circus comes to town, he sees little more than another temporary means of escape. At least, until he lays eyes upon the troupe's handsome ringmaster. Dean Winchester has learned to trust little and expect even less from life as he struggles to keep his family's traveling circus afloat, so the sudden appearance of a wild eyed stranger looking for work has him both wary and certain of it being little more than a passing fancy. But as time passes and bonds are forged, Dean is forced to confront old wounds and new feelings for the enigmatic Castiel Novak.

Tags: Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Alternate Universe - Circus, Post American Civil War, Trapeze Artist Castiel, Ringmaster Dean, Less than period typical homophobia, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending

SFW

waywarded - @wildsofourhearts - waywarded

Falling Awake

Summary: After Michael is killed by Team Free Will 2.0, Dean ends up in the Empty, Michael's grace pulling a sliver of his consciousness there. The Cosmic Entity calls him out on not realising Castiel is in love with him. Dean needs to decide what to do with that information as he wakes up home.

Tags: Mutual Pining, Love Confessions, Protective Cas, Cas and Dean Being Idiots

SFW

Entwining Your Broken Parts With My Love

Summary: Castiel hates his broken wings and a fading spell has rendered them in their corporeal form. Dean wants to show how beautiful they are to him and to help Cas feel better about them, even if just for a while.

Tags: Gentle Dom Dean, sub Cas, but Cas usually Doms for Dean, Rope Bondage, Wings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Safe Sane and Consensual, BDSM

NSFW 

CRNoble - @hardertobreatheat-night - CRNoble

Skin Wars

Summary: Dean, a traditionally trained artist, is competing for $100,000 in the reality body painting TV show, Skin Wars. He’s lucky enough to get paired with a friend as his model, Cas, for a particularly personal challenge. Dean feels his painting isn’t up to snuff, but what will the judges think?

Tags: Angst, Angst with a happy ending, Skin Wars!AU

SFW

Lock Me Up

Summary: Dean and Cas have been together for a few years now, exploring their D/s relationship, mostly trying things that Cas suggests, until Dean finally finds something he really wants to try. Written for the SPN Kink Christmas Exchange

Tags: BDSM, Male Chastity, Rope Bondage, Spanking, Suspension, Bondage, blindfolds, toys, dirty talk, dirty pictures

NSFW

Caged Heat

Summary: Sam, Dean, and Cas team up with Meg to kill Crowley, but they get WAY more than they bargained for. Especially Dean, but how was he supposed to know one little kiss would make him feel this way?

Tags: Canon-typical violence, episode rewrite, angst, angst with a happy ending

SFW

LeafZelindor - @leafzelindor​

Holiday Card

Summary: Art drawn for the 2018 holiday mixtape!

Tags: fluff, destiel, family vibes

SFW

Merry Christmas Cas

Summary: Fluffy Dean gives Cas a Christmas Present Picture

Tags: Destiel,  Cutness

SFW

Snowy Kisses

Summary: Dean and Cas stealing Kisses in the Snow

Tags: Destiel, Fluff

SFW

profound-boning - @profound-boning - profound-boning

and being apart ain’t easy on this love affair

Summary: One shot ficlet featuring long distance boyfriends dean and cas being reunited!

Tags: no triggers, established long distance relationship, reunions

SFW

interstitial - interstitial

A Simple Plan

Summary: Cas and Dean have been driving Sam crazy for a decade with their pathetic mutual pining, so Sam's slightly manipulative sex party solution seems more than fair. Now it's just a matter of some shopping for supplies, and a bit of reverse psychology.

Tags: Crack, Brief Mention of Various Theoretical Future Sex Party-related Ships, Many of Them Crack, List Available In Notes For NoTPs

NSFW

Nera_Solani - @nera-solani - Nera-Solani

Embrace of Wings

Summary: When Dean and Cas get married after one year of domestic bliss, they do it both the human and the angel way. Just that the latter has an unexpected side effect... but that can't exactly be called bad.

Tags: Established Relationship, Angel Castiel, Marriage, Soul Bond, Winged Dean Winchester, Wing Grooming, Wing Kink, Angelic Grace Sex, Tooth-Rotting Fluff

SFW

Pride

Summary: Just a 100 word drabble for the prompt Carnival

Tags: Drabble, Profound100 Challenge, Prompt: Carnival, Pride Festival

SFW

Bright as a Candle

Summary: Just a 100 word drabble for the prompt Candle

Tags: Drabble, Profound100 Challenge, prompt: candle, candlelit dinner

SFW

Potlight

Summary: Just a 100 word drabble for the prompt Potlight, that was later expanded to a ficlet

Tags: Drabble, Profound100 Challenge, expanded afterwards, prompt: potlight, Soul Bond, Angelic Grace Bonds

SFW

MaggieMaybe160 - @maggiemaybe160 - MaggieMaybe160

True Loves Kiss

Summary: Dean finally tells Cas how he feels... after Cas made that deal.

Tags: Major Character Death, Season 14 Spoilers, Podfic Available

SFW

Lay Me Down To Sleep

Summary: With Castiel's deal with the Empty, how long do Dean and Cas really have left?

Tags: Major Character Death, Graphic Violence, Suicide, Season 14 Spoilers

SFW

The Final Moment

Summary: Dean and Cas are trapped by a monster. Based on a dream I had.

Tags: Major Character Death

SFW

Schoolyard Angel 

Summary: Castiel is the ring leader of Dean's biggest bullies, the angels. Dean gets to know Castiel blindly but can this newfound love prevail?

Tags: Highschool AU, Angst with Happy Ending

SFW

Cookietacular

Summary: “Did you take the decoder ring out of the box?” Jack asked. “Maybe,” Cas answered. It was a lie.

Tags: Season 14 Spoilers, FLUFF

SFW

Of Monsters and Angels 

Summary: Dean's back in Purgatory but something is wrong. He can't find his angel.

Tags: Major Character Death, Graphic Violence (typical for show), Eventual Happy Ending

SFW

I Love You, I Love All of You

Summary: Dean and Cas go on a routine hunt alone. Their feelings become clear.

Tags: Major Character Death, Heavy Angst

SFW

Dean // Only Human

Summary: Fan Video made by RavensCAT and MaggieMaybe160 Song- "Human" by Christina Perri 

SFW

Collaborator: @ravenscat-tumbler

EllenofOz - EllenofOz

Drunk Texts and Midnight Snacks 

Summary: Cas is just trying to get his paper finished, but a certain best friend of his keeps sending him texts from the campus bar. When Dean’s texts abruptly stop, Cas reluctantly goes to check on him.

Tags: Alternate Universe - college, friends to lovers, Castiel and Dean Winchester use their words, drunk Dean Winchester

NSFW

Four Hours

Summary: Castiel is cursed, after Rowena turned him into an attack dog and set him on her own son. Dean and Sam find him later in the bunker, but Dean notices something new that the curse has brought out in the angel— an irresistible amplification of his scent. It seems Castiel is now definitely an alpha, and being around Dean is dangerous. For Destiel Smut Bingo, prompt: “It’s been almost four hours and it won’t go down”

Tags: A/b/o dynamics, Alternate Universe - Canon, season 11, Porn with Plot, Alpha Castiel/Omega Dean

NSFW

cutelittlekitty

Life of a Couple ch7 - Take Me Home, Country Road part IV

Summary: wedding fluff and smut episodic chapter in my Heavenly Body series (the chapter can be read as a stand-alone story)

Tags: Destiel, AU-modern, wedding, fluff, sweetness, top!dean, bottom!cas, shower sex, cas is on the autism spectrum but it's mild, no major warnings other than tooth-rottingly sweet :D

NSFW

fangirlingtodeath513 - @fangirlingtodeath513 - fangirlingtodeath513

Sunshine

Summary: Cas comes clean and the Shadow tries to claim it's reward.

Tags: Post-episode: 14x08 Byzantium, no archive warnings apply

SFW

The Christmas Date

Summary: Christmas is one of Dean's favorite times of the year. It means spending some quality time with his family and enjoying their company, even though it's only for a few days. So when Cas mentions he's not going home for Christmas, the thought's barely crossed his mind before he's asking Cas to come with him to Kansas. Maybe there was an ulterior motive, like spending more time with the guy he's come to like a little more than just a roommate, but Cas doesn't need to know that. At least, if Dean's kind but meddlesome family can stay out of his business, that is.

Tags: no archive warnings apply, mentions of homophobic family, christmas fluff, platonic bed sharing

SFW 

Wake Up

Summary: Dean's trapped in his own mind, and it's up to Sam and Cas to get him out.

Tags: post-episode: 14x09 The Spear, no archive warnings apply, needle use, possessed dean winchester

SFW

Home

Summary: for the Supernatural One-Word Bingo  Prompt: cotton

Tags: no archive warnings apply, first kiss, sharing clothes, human castiel

SFW

A Thousand Years

Summary: Dean burns the dinner he'd been making for his date with Castiel, so he calls his mother for help.

Tags: no archive warnings apply, first dates, weddings, wedding fluff

SFW

turningthepages - turningthepages

Too Damn Young

Summary: Twenty years ago Castiel had been a version of himself he wishes he’d never lost. Looking out at the lake that he spent the best summer of his life he could still feel a glimmer of the man he used to be.

SFW

anyrei - anyrei

Snow Angel

Summary: Dean and Cas are out in a forest in winter, hunting a creature and Dean finally realizes that he needs Cas to know about his feelings.

Tags: First Time, Case, romantic scenery, snow, canon-verse, no warnings

NSFW

Fix You

Summary: Dean finally allows Cas to heal him. Set right after Episode: s11e04 Baby.

Tags: Season/Series 11, Episode: s11e04 Baby, Episode: s11e03 The Bad Seed, Smut, First Time

NSFW

Not Enough Brain Bleach

Summary: When Sam walks to the kitchen at night to get a snack he witness something unexpected.

Tags: Season/Series 11, Episode: s11e03 The Bad Seed, voyeuristic!Sam, but not really, Sam Needs Brain Bleach, PWP, Destiel from Sam's POV

NSFW

dean-cas-in-the-impala - @dean-cas-in-the-impala - Dean-Bangs-Cas-In-The-Impala

And Nothing Else Matters 

Summary: Castiel always pays his debts.

Tags: Angst, Romance, 14X08, Based on 14X08

SFW

kradarua - kradarua

Something Dark

Summary: Castiel looked even wilder in person. Dean let his eyes roam over his (now fully clothed) form, smiling appreciatively. He inhaled deeply, curious to find no real trace of a scent. “He’s on scent blockers,” the employee explained. "Running this auction is involved enough without having to settle claim disputes if an omega’s scent triggers some alpha’s rut.” That suited him fine; both he and Sam were on scent blockers most of the time and he’d planned on requiring that Castiel stay on them too. It helped with anonymity. “Thank you,” he said, “That will be all.” The employee gave a small bow and left to service the other high bidders. “Well, Cas,” Dean said cheerily, “Let’s go home.”

Tags: graphic depictions of violence, abo, rough sex, criminal activity, dark fic, torture

NSFW

canadduh - @canadduh - canadduh

Memories Made

Summary: Castiel Remembers. Just as he's done every year.

Tags: Major character death - Freeform, Sick Character, Sick Dean, Cas POV, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Fluff

SFW

The Unexpected Holiday

Summary: After a hunt gone wrong, Dean and Cas enjoy an unexpected holiday.

Tags: holiday fluff, Post-Case-Fic, injured cas, Dorks in Love, Original Character(s), Cabin Fic, Cabins, Christmas, Injured Castiel (Supernatural), Protective Dean Winchester, Cas is in the closet (Literally), holiday fic, canon-verse

SFW

tfw_cas - @punk-is-notdead - tfw_cas 

Dean’s Christmas Cookies

Summary: Dean Winchester presents his Christmas cookie recipe, with a little help - or is it hindrance - from Castiel.

Tags: Baking; Christmas fluff; Established Castiel/Dean Winchester; Human Castiel

SFW

Snowballs Hurt, But Snow Angels Can Make It All Better 

Summary: All Dean Winchester wants is a traditional family Christmas; that's not too much to ask, is it? But when things don't work out how he had hoped, he can count on his family, and some snow, to lift his spirits. Maybe Christmas won't be too bad after all.

Tags: Snow; Snowball Fight; Snowmen; All The Snow; Christmas Fluff; Fluff; Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss; Snow Angels

SFW