#definitely turn out may more shippy than I meant lol

[sisaloofafump]

Scars

Loosely inspired but the fic So you’ll know where I’ve been by @cacchieressa

[grayintogreen]

🎵 cree? (Lol yes i am expecting a mixtape 👀😂)

Most of my Cree playlist is either Lucien-related (gurl...) or OUADYA specific, but I realized I have several songs from musicals on it, so THEME TIME. It is also very shippy because UNFORTUNATELY half of what we know of Cree canonically is tied up in Lucien.

The showtune-only Cree Deeproots mixtape!

1. My Man- Barbra Streisand It's cost me a lot/But there's one thing that I've got/It's my man/Cold and wet, tired you bet/But all that I soon forget/With my man.

We begin with the anthem to a woman fully committed to the Wrong Person and not giving a single fuck about it. Really.

2. Maybe I Like It This Way- Julia Murney If I could change/ If I could grow/ I'd ask for nothing more/ And through that door I'd go/ But if I'm through/ Why do I stay?/ Maybe he wants me/ Maybe he needs me/ Maybe he loves me/ Maybe I like it this way.

This operates as a counterpoint to "My Man" and is definitively my Cree song. That asshole puts her through a lot and she carried it all the way to the end, justifying it out of duty, love, and devotion and a lot of promises that he probably didn't intend to keep.

3. You Love Who You Love- Laura Osnes Oh, you love who you love/ Common sense may say it's wrong/ There's a part of him you know is wild/ Maybe that's what made you love him all along

I would be remiss not to include a song from the Bonnie and Clyde musical.

4. In All My Dreams I Drown- Jessica Lowndes and Terrance Zdunich The sky it flashed, heave ho, heave ho/ His pillow toed to the brink/The curtains ran between my legs as we began to sink/I closed my eyes, heave ho, heave ho/As the ship was rent and fell/Eddies in the water headed to the mouth of Hell/"Hush now, hush love, here's your gown"/ "There's the bed, lantern's down"/"I'm begging you please wake me up/In all my dreams I...."

Poor, poor Cree. She didn't have a chance against Lucien's ambitions.

5. Still Hurting- Sherie Rene Scott Jamie is over, and where can I turn?/Covered with scars, I did nothing to earn/Maybe there's somewhere a lesson to learn/But that wouldn't change the fact/That wouldn't speed the time/Once the foundation's cracked/ And I'm still hurting

I could have picked any of Kathy's songs from The Last Five Years for Cree, but this one is my favorite. While the song is about a break-up, I like the idea of it representing Cree both after Lucien's death and after the Tombtakers were felled and he kept chasing his own ambitions. He'll always care about something more than her and she'll always be hurting.

6. The Long Grift- Lena Hall Of all the riches you've surveyed/ and all that you can lift/I'm just another dollar that you made/ in your long, long grift.

I love this song so much that I wrote a fic based off of it. This is my "Cree in Cognouza, delivering the crests" song, realizing how dire her situation truly is and deciding it's ultimately too late to choose better.

7. I Know the Truth- Sherie Rene Scott How did I come to this?/How did I slip and fall?/How did I throw half a lifetime away/Without any thought at all?/This should have been my time/It's over, it never began/I closed my eyes to so much for so long/and I no longer can

Another "Cree has doubts" song. I like to think of this as her big ballad after the Tombtakers are killed and Lucien is more concerned with his games and ambitions than the death of their friends. (I have so many "Cree fucking DOUBTS" songs)

8. Nothing Good- Lea Salonga Keep it locked up, keep it sealed tight/Shut it down and turn away/Hope you've stocked up, it's a long night/Nothing good is meant to stay/Sometimes the ones we love the most/Have the worst things to hide/Sometimes the monsters turn out to bе those/ Who stood there by your side

Ohhh a song about hopeless bitterness, love gone sour, and closing yourself off. This is actually one of THE Creedemption songs. But it also works for Cree's Last Stand. Nothing good can stay and Lucien has gone too far to stop, so why not let the Somnovem win?

9. [BONUS TRACK] Dead Girl Walking (Reprise)- Barrett Wilbert Weed I wanted someone strong who could protect me/I let his anger fester and infect me/His solution is a lie/No one here deserves to die/Except for me and the monster I created

This one is a bonus track since it's not based on anything that ever happened in canon, but COULD HAVE. Cree deserves to get to talk Lucien down off his ledge and come to the realization that he fucked with her head, even if it wouldn't have worked.

Want a mixtape or a song for a character/ship? MEME TIME.

[silverducks]

Game of Thrones - Jaime Lannister

A rambling character study of Jaime Lannister from Game of Thrones.

Introduction

Ok, so nearly a month since I finished watching Game of Thrones, and I’m still not over how it ended. Like some things I can reconcile myself too, some things just annoy me when I overthink what happened and some things - ok one thing in particular - is just not letting me go.

And that is the way the show ended for Jaime Lannister.

I know I’m like 2 years too late on the GoT bandwagon and no one cares anymore. But I’m writing all these posts because I still care, having recently experienced what you all went through 2 years ago. And I know what I’ll be posting will have all been posted countless times before and discussed in the fandom years ago. But I kinda need to still get my own thoughts written down and outta my head.

Before I go on though, I just want to add in here that I do still love this show and, even right to the very end, think the acting, crew, music, sets/scenery, costumes, basically everything was pretty much amazing. That is except the writing, which, went downhill after series 4. Before then it was pretty much amazing too (not always perfect (is anything?), but so darn good!)

Now, turns out when I came to write down my thoughts on Jaime’s ending, I had even more than I realised. Basically it’s turned into me writing one massive analysis of Jaime’s character based on the show. So I’ve split it into separate posts, with this first one more of an intro, a summary of my thoughts and overall opinion on Jaime and a bit of context on my own experience with Game of Thrones.

Now, spoilers for Game of Thrones ending

I’ve read/watched a lot on the internet since I saw those episodes (series 8, episode 4 and 5 in case you weren’t sure) and I know a lot of people don’t like how they ended Jaime’s story in the show either. But I’ve also read a lot of comments where people did like it, or at least thought it made sense. The reasons they give make no sense to me, but it’s made me think and overthink and analyse way too much about how they did end his story.

So, in order to try and get them out of my head, I’m putting them down here. It’s a long, pretty rambling read, split up into a few parts because it got so long. Across the posts I’m going to go through my own understanding and perception of Jaime’s character and his arc and why I think they completely ruined it in episodes 8.04 and 8.05. I’ll then focus on some of the main reasons I’ve seen why people think it did make sense, and why (even though I maintain everyone is entitled to their own opinion) I completely disagree. Jaime’s character arc was annihilated in the show even more than Kings Landing. And that is more than a bit frustrating.

Now, just a bit of background to add some context to my thoughts; I basically only got around to watching the show a few months ago (I’ve not read the books yet). I basically binged watched the entire show and am now just a little bit reeling from it all! LOL! Also, as I did binge watch it, it meant I didn’t spend time between episodes/series really analysing/theorising etc. I had a few ideas and thoughts, but not to the depth it would have been had I needed to wait impatiently for each new episode. This means I think my viewpoint is of the show as an overall whole, rather than each separate series, because it kinda all rolled into one. This may, or may not, have affected my opinion and so this analysis of Jaime Lannister and my disappointment in his ending. It also means, having only watched the show once, I’ve probably forgotten or missed bits. However, since I finished the show, I’ve watched a lot of YouTube videos and read a lot of stuff on the net about it, including in comparison to the books. (And I maybe rewatched some of my favourite scenes just a few times…) And now I am analysing and theorising and thinking about this show way too much! LOL!

So I guess my viewpoint isn’t one of ignorance, but it might not be quite the same as someone who’s been invested in the show from the start.

Like most viewers, I pretty much thought Jaime = evil villain for most of the earlier series. He had the odd moment, but it wasn’t until he did that speech with Catelyn about the conflict of all those oaths he’d taken that I even started to take note of his character. And then series 3 happens, where he has his road trip with Brienne, loses his hand, saves her from a bear and basically starts his wonderful path of character development. And basically manages to go from a guy I pretty much do not like at all at the start, to one of my all time favourite characters ever.

Also, I’m definitely a Brienne/Jaime shipper and did wish them to have a happy ending. However, I pretty much never thought the show would actually even go there, let alone make it happy. In fact, I actually did my best to NOT ship them for such a long time because, being Game of Thrones, I knew it was very unlikely to end well. But, then yeah, their intense staring contests kept on happening and darn it, the way that Jaime’s voice breaks when he says Lady Brienne and him giving her a priceless sword, and what the sword represents and…

Ok, well, yeah, I could gush about them all day, but anyway, I ended up not being able to fight the ship any more after series 6 and THAT tent scene. But, even then, I still didn’t think the show would make it canon, like it would just leave it all open ended/make up your own mind kinda thing.

And then we get to series 8. Like we have a whole episode (that is actually named for their very storyline) with Jaime just staring at Brienne, being all dorky around Brienne and then, if that wasn’t enough, he even KNIGHTS Brienne! I mean, this is epic for this ship! And I would have been ok (not happy, but satisfied) as a Brienne and Jaime shipper if that had been it.

But then no, then he barely leaves her side in the fight against the dead in the next episode – they fight side by side with their two halves of one whole swords, each risking their own life for the other multiple times. And then in the next episode (where I don’t think there’s barely any scene where they’re NOT right next to each other) the show DID make it canon. Like it actually did go there, they slept together (in an adorably awkward scene I love). Heck, Jaime then even chooses to stay in the North and be with Brienne, even though he hates the North. Like this was just epicness of all proportions and I got so excited and all those shippy feels I was trying to hold back just came rushing out and then... and then...

THEN that scene happens. He leaves her. Like WTH…

Anyway, more on that in another post. I guess what I’m trying to say is that as much as I ship them, my issues with Jaime’s ending is less about his relationship with Brienne, and more just his complete 180 on character development. Jaime’s arc has been heavily influenced by Brienne, but it is still amazing in its own right. As I didn’t expect Brienne/Jaime to ever happen (so when it did and then got taken away in the very same episode, it’s incredibly frustrating and gives even less credence to what does happen), it’s not why I’m so annoyed and disappointed with what happened to Jaime.

I’m annoyed because they took all this amazing character growth over 7 series and then screwed it all over in less than two episodes. No, that’s not enough. It was a complete and utter character assassination that completely undermines and destroys 7 series worth of investment and development, completely nullifying everything Jaime went through as a character.

So, yeah, I’m a bit annoyed, but that’s because it makes no sense and it’s bugging me enough to write this whole series of posts. Because I can’t let it go. And having read people justify, even like it online, it’s made my inner analysis thought train go into override. And I’m sorry if these posts are like I’m preaching to the choir, or writing such obvious stuff and repeating myself, I’m just trying to get it all out my head as coherently as I can. Hopefully allowing me to move on a bit.

#Urgh #I need to sit in a corner and try to cheer myself up again before I can write anymore #Maybe watching some Brienne and Jaime fan videos will help cheer me up #And also simultaneously depress me even more.

[evalieena]

35 Questions for Fanfiction Writers

well since dearest @bachint​ asked, here goes nothing!

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

well if no downplaying’s allowed i guess i’d give it a 3/5? some mistakes since i’m not a native plus i”m still working on getting my english style better! i like what i come up with all the same, i’ve improved a lot these past two years, and my grammar isn’t that bad i guess?

2. Why do you write fanfiction?

to do what developers didn’t do in the first place to make good use of my imagination, to cope with the fact that some characters don’t exist and i will never follow another one of their adventures, to forget about a boring real life...

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

my writing doesn’t stand out lmaooo but i guess i’m always trying to focus on the character’s psychology, struggles and all that, so if someone likes my work, it’s ‘original’ bc it’s usually quite different from the usual stories where there are a lot of dialogues and interactions.

4. Are there any writers that inspire you?

i’ve been inspired a lot by @welcometogressenheller​ (i wish i could do as well as she does.....), @aceklaviergavin​ (kudos to you even if you never see that post and you probably don’t know who i am), and some others whose name i forgot (sorry!)

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of?

i didn’t write much but i guess that my latest fics are really nice (There’s No Light In You Anymore, and the whole Faith series on AO3). also my big project “Now That You’re Gone”, i’m glad i’ve been able to write that much for it and i intend on continuing as soon as i find the motivation!

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?

pain, struggles and all that comes with it as long as it’s in the character’s mind, because beware here you step in a dark space

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most?

ordinary scenes of life? i always find my writing lacking as soon as i step out of my comfort zone, i’m all for rambling and never-ending pain

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write?

desmond/descole surely

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write?

all the good guys (and dimitri allen because i’d love writing about him but i’m? just unable to?)

10. What’s your favorite genre to write for?

that may come as a surprise! angst!

11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most?

a mix of question 8 and 10 and you’ve got your answer

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about.

professor layton and the shattering secrets!!! i’m so happy of what this AU will look like when i’ll be done writing the following chapters, at first it probably looks annoying but heck i wanna promise anyone who’s reading it that the plot twists are gonna be worth it even though the overall background isn’t that original because i’ve mixed up different elements from other games (aaaand we’re back in our oh-so-amazing comfort zone that covers up a massive lack of imagination)

13. First fandom you ever wrote for?

ummm? the vampire diaries maybe? back when i was 10 or 11 lol

14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for?

hands up... pROFESsoR LayTON

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for?

i didn’t write for many fandoms but back in my younger days i used to do self-insert fics with the vampire diaries cast and it was so odd and i wish i hadn’t just confessed that on my tumblr blog

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

nothing that comes to mind

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for.

dunno either

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written?

PL and the shattering secrets! huge canon divergence and one heck of an AU (also its original version is much worse, my mind was going crazy when i was 15)

19. Do you prefer canon-compliant, AUs, or something in-between?

i love reading AUs, writing some requires solid imagination which i have not, but honestly i don’t really mind

20. Gen fic or shippy stuff?

gen

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!)

desmond sycamore x his wife / randall ascot x hershel layton (be it romantic or platonic) / randall ascot x basically anyone from the MM i guess though i didn’t write anything about that yet (it’s about to change guys)

22. Do you listen to anything while you write?

yea i can’t write without listening to music - any playlist does the trick as long as i like what i’m listening to but usually i listen to sad soundtracks, or i’m inspired by some random lyrics

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas?

i’d go with challenges bc my horrible ass has very few ideas but i usually come up with independent ideas

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works?

one shots!

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them!

i don’t remember ;_;

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

i’ve got one OS in mind with randall/layton but i don’t want to be the talk of the town because it’s probably going to be awful? also any other fic including the PL3 crew

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

@welcometogressenheller telling me she believed i was a native!!! i struggle so much trying to improve my writing style in english and i have a lot of insecurities so it was so heartwarming and incredible to read...

also basically any other comment where people tell me they like what i write. i love that writers feel the need to take some time reviewing my works bc i need constant validation

28. How well do you handle criticism when it comes to your writing?

well i’ve never really received ‘harsh’ criticism or anything, save for some very rare remarks on my grammar so i guess i don’t know? at first it’s always sad to see that what i’ve done isn’t perfect but i guess it’s impossible to be perfect so i’m really happy that people take some time to underline what looks wrong to them

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

currently trying to with shattering secrets and it’s actually a great way to improve!

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst?

MERCILESS ANGST

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them!

i wish i could but it would perhaps be a huge spoiler so i don’t wanna say much about them...

i have 1) annabell sycamore, des’s wife, whose personality fits very much mine. she’s a playwright, spends lot of her time writing and acting in front of des AND WITH des. also she’s a very realistic person and some people usually tell her that she’s being too pessimistic 

2) aurelia from the shattering secrets and on her i really cannot say much... if anyone’s read this far it would be so nice if you could give SS a shot by the way!! 

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less.

desmond sometimes finds happiness but it’s always taken from him

(isn’t that a summary for everything i’ve ever written?)

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

i don’t translate my works from my original language to english, i write straight in english. i spend a lot of time making sure i haven’t done any grammatical mistakes, checking the definition and the use of some words i’m not sure about, and sometimes it’s quite a pain and it can be also very discouraging bc i end up believing what i write comes from a random internet dictionary while deep down i know it’s not true but hey what can i say. huge insecurities laid bare here.

(if any reader of mine’s reading this, i apologize)

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

(beware: spoilers for the whole prequel trilogy!!!)

“Hershel Layton was puzzled. A funny emotion to feel for someone who loved puzzles that much, but nothing could ever describe better the way he’d felt for hours now, hours that seemed like ages.So much did happen in the span of a few hours.

First he’d learned his parents could be targeted by Targent, then Aurora had made it clear that she didn’t want to live anymore, all so she could protect them. Then Desmond—no, Descole—had taken the key from her hands, and revealed himself as the dangerous scientist Layton knew him to be.

Then they’d fought. Despair was filling the air, though Hershel didn’t understand what Descole meant when he cried that the Azran legacy was all he had to live for.

And as if there hadn’t been enough betrayals as it was, Emmy was soon to follow. Luke had been abducted. He’d had no other choice than siding with Descole to prevent Bronev from unleashing doom on Earth. Misery didn’t seem to end.

Just when he’d thought he’d finally be able to change things, Descole had been ready to sacrifice himself to save Luke. And then…

Then everything just collapsed.

He held his agonizing brother in his arms; the one who’d wanted so hard to take him down only a few hours back was now confessing, fearing death was on the way.“

[...]

from ‘Six Times Hershel Layton Remembered, Plus The One Time He Didn’t’

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

oops i haven’t got anything more to say but thank you for reading? perhaps?

[sevsfantasy]

why r you done w dttdt?

Hello anon~ soz for the late reply, was procrastinating I’m gonna assume you meant ‘dttwt’ and this is referring to my first ever post in this blog? Lol that was months ago but issok, I’m done with twt depending on the side of the bed I wake up in. I find twitter to be generally more tiring, and I already don’t have much energy to burn online. Before I say anything else, here is the compulsory ‘I know dttwt has a lot of amazing people!’ statement (/lh) I mean, I still do use twitter lmao bc what am I meant to do on my free time if not play 50/50 with twt whether going there would ruin my mood or not </3 More under the cut if you’re up for my ramblings. No dttwt-loving here since you asked why I’m done. 

uhh here’s more disclaimer so hopefully people don’t misunderstand my words, this isn’t me generalizing all of dttwt but just parts of it that I experienced. I may sound mean and definitely sarcastic, but I swear this is mostly light hearted from my end lmao

- Unneeded drama (surprising, I know /s) 

- They’re yet to learn the art of dealing with things privately. 

- The constant clout chasing. I don’t really have anything against those who do (Idek them), it’s just tiring to see all the time. The “spare #?” Haha no. And like, there IS a hierarchy in dttwt, admit it or not. DTeam interaction, follower count and heck, even being an “OG” when those OGs posts their poorly worded reminiscing tweets that come off as gatekeepy to newer stans then wonder why they make people upset lol 

- They usually have this counterproductive way of dealing with things they don’t want attention to. i.e. tweeting a screenshot of something they allegedly don’t want DTeam to see (as if they don’t know our beloved blob doesn’t lurk there). - Their obsession with the UK vlog. I just think it’s tasteless that they still fill George’s replies with stuff about the vlog. They also ask for proof that it’s real when Dream and George has given them that but they didn’t believe.

- Their need to assert their spot in having the moral high ground. How many call out posts do I have to see in my tl that probably don’t even reach their intended audience? Me, being tired of it doesn't mean I think it's bad, I'm just tired. How many nsfw fics are they gonna mention just to feel good about themselves? That there are “gross people” out there making those? (if you make nsfw content for DTeam, unapologetically make them since they’re fine with it... or consume those works? You do you haha). I’m so done with people posting about nsfw fics just to collectively freak out with their followers. DMs and GCs exist, please, if you really must scream. On another note, they don’t want to be generalized but also do it to the other platforms of DTeam fandom. They hated the ‘ever so horny’ DTTiktok so much that the A1 idea came to be. (I know some who did it and others that didn’t)

- Their hatred towards DTeam shippers. This kinda goes with the point above but I just want it to have a point of its own lmao They can get so hostile against shippers who haven’t even done anything wrong, even though DTeam has repeatedly said they’re fine with it. Additionally, shipping =/= sexualizing... tho Idk if they’ve now fully accepted that they stan the biggest dnf shipper, Mr.WasTaken, himself. shipping sells and he knew it 

- The distaste towards fanfiction. They think it’s so weird to write rpf but it’s praiseworthy if done in illustrations. Fanarts/Fancomics can get as shippy as possible and they get a pass (as long as it’s not nsfw). Don’t get me wrong, I love artists and I am an artist myself. I kinda get it that it takes less time to consume visual art than a fic that you have to read, but the double standard with written fanworks and illustrations are just mehh.  BUT HEY, it’s okay to read/write fanfics IF it’s a joke, as if the only way to enjoy fics is by mocking the craft. 

- The copypastas that only hit the jackpot in being funny once in a blue moon. At worst, it’s their go to in dealing with arguments/statements they don’t agree with ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Another incident, might be a nitpick but Idk, turning non-crack fanfiction summaries into copypastas. Dttwt touching fanfics just makes my insides shrivel up because of the point above. I write fanfics too and I’m not fond about the idea of my fics having twitter publicity. Of any kind. 

I think that’s about it? for now but dw, the account that annoy me most is twitter user dreamwastaken2 (/hj) and most of all, the thing I really hate about twitter is the character limit. 

So yea, in conclusion, I don’t like twitter.

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Chapter titles! | June Writing Update

Hey People of Earth!

It’s JULY which means we’re due for a June writing update! I honestly didn’t do very much writing in June (was June even a month? did it happen??), so like with May, this update will be pretty short!

FOSTERED #6

I’m kind of at an eh with this book, honestly! This month consisted of stressing over a scene I couldn’t get quite right, until @sarahkelsiwrites gave me some awesome advice while I was mid *sarah help me*. She said “Just end it where you’ve written up to and come back to it later” which is so insanely simple, but helpful. Because I take long breaks between writing scenes sometimes, I tend to lose sight of a lot of details/initial excitement for scenes, which is basically what happened with this scene! So coming back to it later is actually a lot more helpful than trying to piece together words I meant to write weeks prior, if that makes sense. This was actually something I tried to actively avoid, but it seems to be working way better now!

Sarah is my #1 supporter and I dunno man this book wouldn’t have made it past literally the first chapter header if it weren’t for her lol, so bless her patient soul. 

Also, me when I’m writing:

sarahhhhhhhhhh

my kayak is sinkingggggg

sarahhhhHHHAahhh

I did do a thing I REALLY LOVE for this book this month and that’s chapter titles!

A few months ago, I wrote a chapter that I just *knew* needed a chapter title (Table Manners). After writing it, I tried naming the rest of the chapters in this book, and it wasn’t actually as fun as I thought it would be lol. I couldn’t come up with anything I liked, so I dropped the endeavor.

Welllll I came back to it a few days ago and well I have a whole list now:

honestly this book suck but deez titles doeeeeee

I’ve been writing this book for 9 months and this is like the only happiness it has brought me.

For those who can’t read my handwriting lol:

Breathing Room

Catherine

1997

Max

Double Jointed

Paper Negative

Earl Grey

Table Manners

Girl

Fort Tilden

Fluoxetine

Mother

The Garden

these!!!

!!!

I love them !!!!

they are my babies!!!

their content suck but I love them !!!! beautiful !!

Which chapter title is your favourite? I’m rather fond of how the list meshes as a whole because the atmos thooooo but I *love* Catherine, 1997, Girl, and Fluoxetine!

I thought it’d be cool to do a quick run down of why I chose these titles because there was a lot of thought??

PEOPLE YOU WILL NEED TO KNOW:

Reeve 

main character

stressed and tragic

Foster 

love interest ?? kind ? of ??? tofu boi???

?????

he’s hardly in any of these chapters so just imagine him making lentil soup instead??

Lonan 

problematic brother of MC

has picked a fight with Harrison for *no* reason, currently in his first month of being salty (TM)

Harrison 

feisty af but has a big heart

is tired of being walked on by Lonan

hurt af but using that salty energy to help people aw

Darren 

the only morally correct character

doesn’t realize what he’s gotten into

Emily

evasive, acts as a manic pixie dream girl figure throughout the novel, is unfortunately romanticized a lot even though she’s very much just a normal girl

1. Breathing Room

Ch. 1 is set in a very ‘claustrophobic’ time for every character

Gang is very divided after *various conflicts, but somehow manages to be suffocated by each other’s problems?

Both Harrison + Foster need some ‘breathing room’ from Reeve lol me too

how do you take a vacation from your first person narrator

2. Catherine

Reeve tries 2 be Darren’s new friend

Helps him set up his library

Title inspired by Catherine Earnshaw (Wuthering Heights)

Foreshadowing for where Reeve’s character ends up (particularly in her relationship w/ Darren)

Since they’re making a library, Wuthering Heights was *relevant*

3. 1997

“My mom met my dad on a Tuesday morning in 1997.”

that’s basically it

I dont know why this sentence just isn’t my parents met on a Tuesday morning etc etc but ok

lmaooo what is writing

4. Max

The name of Reeve’s father (who has died)

She heads out on a ‘de-stress’ vacay with Darren who is her new father figure ?? yonks

Lots of father references, mostly named Max because of Darren’s paternal-ness

5. Double Jointed

@sarahkelsiwrites gave me this idea lol

let’s just say our girl breaks someone’s fingers ??

and a relationship ??

ouch??

6. Paper Negative

Reeve is looking thru family photos

Lonan shows up and starts being a brat

he’s the negative haaha

7. Earl Grey

Reeve makes Lonan tea and some is subsequently spilled

8. Table Manners

Harrison fights w/ Lonan and Reeve has the audacity to tell him he needs to find some manners lol

9. Girl

Reeve glorifies Emily as being this eccentric but perfect person when in reality she’s just a girl

At the same time, degrades her as a ‘lolita’ figure

Lots of toxic femininity

Highkey not stolen from John Lennon

a giiiiiiiiirl

This excerpt kind of explains the whole unhealthy a) glorification of her and b) judgements Reeve makes (tis long and unedited as a heads up):

She’s perched on the armchair next to him. Her feet, unsocked and half-baked laze atop the teakwood desk. She’s at a beach, maybe. Lost her sandals in the tide, mind in the boardwalk. Her hair is shorter, cut to curl at her chin. Red, as always, like the carmine lacquer chipped off her toenails. Shoulders are thin, her waist edges toward gaunt. But I’m sure he doesn’t tell her that. She’s beautiful to him. Starving herself, or taking turns fondling the new Marlboros he sticks between his lips, she’s still beautiful. A puff from him, trade-off, pivoted elbow, kiss from her. Her ribs stick out beneath her tank top, but he loves her. Size zero, tape measure a noose. With all her flaws, he makes love to her through rings of smoke.   

Smoking kills you. I want to tell her. That smoke goes straight for your throat. You’ll be forty at twenty. What about your beauty regime? Butted out like he’ll do to your heart, to that cigarette you do unspeakable things to. Aren’t you afraid of being ugly?            

I won’t, though. She’s doing nothing wrong. Sat in shorts with her bra leering from under her tank-top, toes flexing, shoulders meager. Guilty, no, garish, yes. I’ve never noticed the gold she wears in her ears until now.            

Somehow, she’s managed to remain on his side. With her body like dust, and temperament like mercury, he sits at his desk with her, lets her look at the findings on his laptop screen. I should get them rings for their left hands, an extra diamond for her. A mantle and a spellbook, a white dress and a bouquet. A four-post bed complete with a chiffon canopy for when he canopies her. Rose petals, and champagne. Congratulations. I’m so happy for you. I’ll save the date. 

She is a girl, like me, but with his attention. A girl who hasn’t asked for the speculation I impale her with. A girl who doesn’t deserve it. I should be ashamed of myself. That’s what my mom would tell me if she heard the vile thoughts I choke Emily with. You should apologize and be friends with her, Reeve. That’s two weeks grounded, until you learn it’s not ladylike to ridicule her because you aren’t her. It’s not ladylike, Reeve, not ladylike. Where are your manners, young lady? 

who doesn't have manners now ???

10. Fort Tilden

A memory about a family reunion at this particular place

11. Fluoxetine

Reeve recounts her mother’s use of antidepressants

Lots of gaslighting in this chapter

12. Mother

The saddest of the titles, recounts a betrayal of a mother figure

Kind of very sad when reflected with the contents of the chapter

13. The Garden

Recounts an experience in a garden with a boy

The setting for the death of a relationship where things are kind of in constant growth? backwards growth?? decay ??

So yes! I rather love these, lol, they bring me very much happiness. 

Onto some book stats:

CURRENT WORD COUNT: 56 449

CURRENT PAGE COUNT: 97

STUFF I’VE BEEN LISTENING TO: Ohhh, I mentioned a few of these in my goals update post, but definitely additions to my shippy playlist: Some Kind of Love by The Killers, Happier (Acoustic) by Ed Sheeran, And I Love Her by The Beatles, Can’t Say No by Conor Maynard (my *personal* favourite)

MEDIA I’VE BEEN DIGGING: 

Sarah drew this GORGEOUS duo portrait of Ris and Reeve:

(yessss Harrison’s nose is so satisfyinggggg) 

I also made a header for Paper Negative w/ this family photo I found in the licensed for reuse w/ modification section on Google:

EXCERPT:

I edited this into the chapter of doom, and you know, I just re-read it and I’m not mad?? I think there are like *adjectives for dayzzzz*, but I think it’s almost where I want it??

His room is warm. Smells of old coffee and cigarette smoke. Emily isn’t here with him. But she’s left her things, yes, her books, and her spells, charms, and crystals. A circle of stones on her dresser, the clamshell rosary looped around the mirror. Set with candles, and beading, a dish of mildewed water. He’s dashed his cigarettes over her incense, and from the look he shoots me when he catches me looking, I figure he’s left them there without her permission. She occupies half of his room, her space bent in a diagonal path from half the door, to the right of the night table. Where she is, her space still breathes, ribbonned and decorated, pinned with dried flowers, and flutes of perfumes. Where he is, his space jitters.

It’s no surprise the left half of the room beams with just his energy. Lighters, and chewed pen caps, posters and pictures and drawings tacked to every breathable inch of the walls, even leaking onto the ceiling. The map, hanging next to his bed, ripped and sewn together again by bits of cellotape. Two opposites under one roof.

And what would I be, then, if I inhabited this room? Not a roommate, or partner, but possibly a lampshade, or chest of drawers. Unimportant enough to not notice every day. Only missed when unavailable. Perhaps I would be of no particular use, too, like Emily’s hanging terrarium, or Harrison’s tossed out marker drawings.

So that’s all for this update, y’all. Hoping July brings back a spark, lol. If not, you can bet I’ll be thoroughly looking for it in the meantime. ;) Thanks for reading!

--Rachel

[jazzypizzaz]

end of the year fic meme

This was an askbox-style meme, but like last year I'm just gonna answer them all without waiting for asks.  I love when other writers talk about their stuff, so I may as well allow myself to.  Self-indulgent reflection, hooray!  Please join in if you so desire...   Statistics:  I wrote 11 fics this year (10 for DS9 and 1 for Discovery), ~51k words, which is almost exactly half of last year lol.  8 Quodo fics, 2 gen fics, 1 other pairing.    I also have, collectively, 7k words of unfinished fics in drafts, oops.  I think the relative lack of writing-juice this year meant it was easier to follow through only on the most immediately compelling ideas, which I guess means proportionately more Quodo. under the cut for length, ten questions:

1. What’s your personal favorite thing you wrote this year?

I’ve been staring at my list for a couple minutes and have decided that I hold them all dear within my heart, because really they all mean different things to me that are important (#moods ranging from feelsy angst to complete absurdity lmao, a good range).  

Like... solid!Odo fic I think was my best work, the one I’m most proud of, but I spent so long muddling through that I’m tired of staring at it, so I can’t say it’s my *personal* favorite, whereas I really enjoy some of the shorter, simpler ones though I think they could be better executed in some ways so idk... 

uuuhhhh I suppose the Kira&Jake fic was something I really needed to write, since my Jake feels don’t get enough resolution like ever, so it was good to have the fic exchange to make me write some of it out finally.  And I really like the baseball metaphor, plus it was good to write characters I don’t give enough attention to in my writing.  An unexpected favorite perhaps.

IDK I fail at this meme already...

2. What’s your least favorite thing you wrote this year?

WELL let's say the several WIPs that I haven't been able to complete yet, especially a) romantic dinner cruise quodo, which doesn't have the mood or depth I'm aiming for yet, b) sisko/quark which has gotten more involved and difficult to write than I meant it to be and therefore is lingering in my drafts months past I meant it to.

3. Which of your fics was most different from what you usually write?

The Michael Burnham and Tardigrade gen fic, in that it's: not a narrative, not shippy, not DS9, and is mostly bullshit philosophy/poetry.  

It *is* still similar to my usual, in that it's about alien perspectives and the indulgent fake-deep tendencies I already have, but dialed up to eleven I guess.

4. Which of your fics this year was most successful?

The solid!Odo fic!  I always expect the relative “success” of any fic wrt kudos/comments to be almost completely arbitrary and beyond common sense explanations, but this is a rare case where I feel like the response I got was proportional to what I put into it and how much I personally liked the story.

This was a fic that was a) a frustrating time-suck that the effort I put into it resulted in an improved output, b) something *I* regard as one of my best works overall, c) hits popular themes and tropes, or at least what I think captures fandom interests generally, d) is a long, meaty story! relative to my usual one-shots, the longest continuous work of mine, and e) has an actual plot beyond ~feelings~. 5. Which of your fics do you wish was more successful? hmm maybe the Fallen Heroes coda?   I do think the emotions as written were a bit too easy surface-level in some regards -- didn’t quite have the depth and catharsis I was aiming for -- but still, I expect everyone to be as invested in Quark’s messy emotional fallouts as I am, even if there could have been better follow-through on my end.  I mean, it’s still a pretty good fic I think, and I’m overall happy with it or I wouldn’t have posted, even if I am retrospectively critical. 6. What’s your favorite piece of dialogue you wrote this year? I think I got some funny, snappy, in-character dialogue in the quodo goes to couples counseling fic, has a good flow w the bickering.

also, I’m very fond of Quark’s little moment of truth in solid!Odo fic: “I thought I could finally be what you wanted.”  it makes me melt????  hits exactly the note I wanted. also, Odo’s response several lines down: “A risk that I can always count on.”  that whole scene, *kisses fingers like an italian chef* delicious delicious emotional climax!

7. What’s your favorite piece of description or narration? All the different pieces of Ezri’s painting in the Ezri/Ziyal fic!!!  It really came together in a satisfying way for me, and it seems for Ezri as well heh.  Also the art-philosophy, self-discovery thoughts within the fic as a whole I think turned out great.  Feels good, feels like healing. 8. Which fic this year was most fun to write? definitely definitely both the Odo-pants and furry AU.  both I wrote in a flurried craze of self-indulgence and cackling to myself the whole time about how silly they were in concept.  OH WAIT and also the soulmates AU...  anytime I’m a bit embarrassed by how much I love something that seems like it should be stupid or frivolous, but that instead I get accidentally invested in, I think is actually a good thing???  or like, that’s what’s fun about fandom.  I embrace it when I can. 9. If you could go back and change something about one of the fics you wrote this year, what would it be? umm I would change more of my WIPs into being complete, does that count???  I have pieces written of too many fics I want to be a reality: romantic dinner cruise Quodo, Sisko/Quark empty nest, Quark angst underworld, Kira/Keiko first date... 10. What, if anything, are you going to try to do differently in your writing in the new year? really, just to keep writing anything.  and finish those fics I just listed!

[todokori-kun]

Yeah, in the first Avengers movie Loki introduces himself like

“I am Loki of Asgard, and I am burdened with glorious purpose.”

(And then Dr. Selvig just has to say “Loki? Brother of Thor?” and ruin his moment)

That picture…oh my. Well, since I don’t exactly go around staring at people’s butts, especially when I’m watching movies (that can wait until I’m at least 16), I wouldn’t know if he’s truly burdened with glorious posterior or not…

Why am I laughing so much right now

Honestly I feel like I’m still at the maturity level where I find these things funny instead of attractive/sexy

Though since I’m 13 I guess it would be slightly worrying if I did found anything sexy lol

YEAH you watched the movie! And I know. Loki gets steadily worse as the movies go on but in Thor 1 he’s definitely relatable and it’s easy to feel for him. My other fave from Thor is Darcy (I also ship Darcy/Loki AKA tasertricks. Idk, it’s one of my crackier ships but it’s also pretty popular in the MCU fandom…possibly because Darcy is one of those sassy minor characters who get shipped with everybody and everything).

And now you’ve seen Loki’s daddy issues. At least his mother is a good parent…?

Don’t be salty Queen Luna! My hair isn’t that long either (it’s like the same length as Thor’s in the first movie, and my mom probably isn’t going to let it get any longer lol).

Also: I have no idea why I always want to make things into a Hamilton AU but

Loki- Burr

Thor- Ham

Nick Fury- G. Wash

Wanda- Eliza (I think you said you haven’t seen Avengers 2 yet, so I guess you’ll understand why I picked her when you see it…it was mostly a choice based on personality. Wanda is Scarlet Witch and while shipping her with Thor is extreme crack and a little bit creepy considering she’s the youngest avenger (minus Vision, who was literally born yesterday), I didn’t really want to have Jane as Eliza. Jane’s nice but she’s not fleshed out enough to be Eliza, plus she and Thor sort of break up later on)

Natasha- Angelica

I feel like Tony-Steve could also be a good Burr-Ham relationship, but I have no idea who would be who. Personality wise it’s really mixed up: Tony has Hamilton’s ambition and talent with words (he’s also reliable with the LADIES) as well as his slightly selfish attitude, but Steve has more of the incredible determination and sense of justice. And for the roles they play, I feel like it’s more Tony=Burr and Steve=Ham (Tony’s jealous of Steve in a way after all- this is the guy who is the perfect hero, the golden boy he can never hope to be, the man his father considered his best project. Plus, their moments in Age of Ultron and Civil War…) but I’m not sure…

And one more thing:

Loki vs. Burr: Who is saltier?

Yeah, Touka might not be one of my favorites but don’t kill her off ;-; at least not now.

Oooh, Ravenclaw definitely seems to suit you! :D But the little bit of Slytherin…you know, I’ve always considered Loki a Slytherin with shades of Ravenclaw (faint, but they’re there). You balance each other out, Luna/Loki was meant to be :)

Lizzy is DEFINITELY best girl. I mean, come on, look at everything she’s done for Ciel!

I’m excited to read those HCs XD

(And a random thing (my brain creates a lot of those):

Remember how Steve mentions in his first movie that he never learned how to dance? Well, I look like an injured octopus when I try to dance, so just imagine… I’d step on his feet, he’d have no idea what to do with his hands, we’d trip over each other’s legs. It’d be an awkward mess.

Then again, I’m so uncoordinated that dancing would probably not go well even if my partner was someone really graceful like Loki or Natasha lol)

Loki fangirls are a mixed bunch. There are the nice, intelligent people who love to make theories and headcanons and write really beautiful fics. There are the more casual fans who just like Loki and/or his actor, Tom Hiddleston.

Then there are the people who worship the ground Loki walks on and believe he can do no wrong.

(Let’s see…killed his biological father, tried to kill his adoptive brother, almost committed genocide, tried to take over an entire planet, fantastically racist towards humans, may or may not have brought his adoptive father to a sticky end…

Yep. 100% pure cinnamon roll. Couldn’t hurt a fly.)

Awww tysm <3333 @(^_^)@

(I do get jealous a bit too easily though. Probably because I have no friends outside of the internet and so when I like someone I really cling to them…and when a friend/just someone I’m close with starts getting close with a stranger I guess my insecurity starts to make me nervous about being left behind lol)

I shall get down on my knees and beg for your forgiveness, your majesty.

that won’t stop all these fandoms from taking over your life tho

Third things third,

Send a prayer to the ones up above

All the hate that you’ve heard has turned your spirit to a dove

Your spirit up above…

Also:

I think I’ve started creating lists of songs for various characters and is it ok if I send you some?

I actually went to rewatch the first few minutes to see that scene. My reaction: sweetie, put that spear away before you poke someone you’re not supposed to poke. 

Poor Loki… All of his moments get ruined XD

To be completely honest, my first reaction isn’t to look at the booty either, unless it is the first thing I see. Even then, I’ll quickly get over it.  and when I saw that picture, I wanted to laugh out loud. I would’ve if it hadn’t been 3am with most of my family sleeping.  Thor of Assgard really had me cracking up, though.

I’m pretty sure that that picture would make most people laugh, instead of finding it sexy XD And I unfortunately can’t find any sufficient pictures that’ll show if Loki’s got the booty or nah.

Is Darcy the oblivious friend of Jane? The one whose ipod got stollen? Honestly, like I said countless times before, I’m not a shippy person and I guess I’m not deep enough into the fandom to ship anything just yet (except for Natasha and Bruce. because hell yeah)

Doesn’t his mom die in Thor 2 though? Spoiler Minefield Internet™ makes its move yet again. I probably should’ve waited a bit before tearing into the Avengers tag ^^;;;;

That’s still longer than mine :p I mean, I’m usually fine with having short hair, but seeing someone as fabulous as Thor does make me a bit jelly XD

So, funny thing. This morning, I was in the bus, listening to my playlist when Wait For It came on. And I just couldn’t help but think of our dearest Drama King (not you :p) and then I come home to this, an Avengers/Hamilton crossover. Great minds think alike ;) I did see Avengers 2 (age of Ultron, right?) I just don’t remember it very well, that’s why it’s on my ‘to watch’ list ^^;;;

To be absolutely honest, I don’t like Jane. She just seems like she was thrown into the story to hame some Thor romance and that’s it. There was no real character development in the movie for her…

Boy, Wanda and Thor would be an interesting relationship XD Maybe Sif? She seems nice enough… I haven’t watched Thor 2, tho

I don’t know…? I still have to watch all the other movies to get a better grasp of Steve’s personality. And it’s be nice if I got reminded of Tony’s a bit more, which I’ll be after Ultron ^^

Loki is saltier. Burr did shoot Ham, but he didn’t attempt to wipe out an entire race.

Touka deserves a nice death, if she does get one. unLIKE YMIR WHOSE DEATH I AM STILL NOT OVER.

I was a bit bored in school today, which means my brain was working at full power, conjuring the weirdest scenarios ever. Here’s one of them High school au, where Loki is the soft nerd who always gets protected by his mighty Jock brother.  that’s as far as i got, but i do find the idea of Nerd Loki quite amusing XD

Awwww, the most adorable thing ever. And the stalker friend would be there filming the whole ordeal :)))

I call Loki my problematic fave. Keyword: problematic. He definitely has some very serious issues in his life and I’m not going to pretend he’s perfect. In fact, he’s very, very far from it.  Honestly, I don’t even know how he ended up as a favourite *facepalms into tomorrow*

You won’t get left behind. If anyone leaves Evans behind, they’ll have an angry Luna coming for them hahah Trust me, I don’t know how I seem, but I have my fair share of insecurities as well. 

I was choking in the crowd Building my rain up in the cloud Falling like ashes to the ground Hoping my feelings, they would drown But they never did, ever lived, ebbing and flowing Inhibited, limited ‘Til it broke open and rained down It rained down, like…

Also, can I say one more thing? I am very, very impressed with how they handled Clint's archery. I used to do archery and usually, i get incredibly mad over how badly it's executed in the movie, but i was seriously impressed this time! They even gave him an elbow guard!