#delicious complicated feelings...

[thetarttfuldickhead]

Getting a little emotional over Colin and Jamie in 3x09, what with that long hug and the “I love you so much, man”. because Colin was one of Jamie’s side-pricks way back when, and that’s different from, say, Sam being the victim of Jamie’s very overt bullying (not that Colin escaped the vicious barbs by being a sycophant; jaundiced worm and everything). Like, the anger you can feel towards someone that did not only treat you badly but also inspired and encouraged your own bad behaviour? Yeah. Sometimes being complicit in the nastiness makes it even harder to forgive.

Yet here they are, and not that much later. And it’s not just them being fine with each other, either, not just them getting along well enough to make do: it’s Jamie saying we got you and then holding and holding and holding Colin after his stellar perfomance in that match, and Colin telling Jamie that he loves him so much. However unequal and destructive it started out, it’s such a great thing for both of them now, and I do love that.

[angelsdean]

i love when canon dean talks back to john (because yea! he does that!) and tells it to him how it is and calls him out for never answering the goddamn phone and leaving them in the dark abt everything and when he proves he's not a 'yessir' mindless soldier and says "no sammy actually dad's full of crap" and when he acknowledges to himself in his own mind that john was a shit father and dean didn't deserve what was put on him and i love when complicated emotions pass over his face at the mention of john and his eyes dim a bit or he tries to smile but it doesn't quite reach his eyes and i also love that it's complicated and "he tried his best" but his best wasn't enough and dean knows it and he had to be a father and a mother and "i hate you. and i love you. because you're my [dad]" because yes that quote absolutely applies to john as much as mary bc dean is so full of love and he can and does both love and hate his parents. and i love when dean hugs john with tears in his eyes and looks like a little kid even at 26. even at nearly 40. and i love when he takes john's jacket and i love when he uses it as a blanket despite sleeping on a motel bed with blankets because despite everything that jacket was likely the closest thing to a comfort object dean had growing up and it always smelled like whiskey and leather and gunpowder but john draped it over them when they slept in the back seat of the impala and it wasn't enough, it was never enough, and it didn't really keep him all that warm, but it was something. and dean wears it years and years later thinking maybe he can find something of his father in the shape of that jacket. sometimes it feels like those hugs he rarely got after age four. and i love that when he's told john is right down the road, after drinking his shitty beer, he leaves to find a better version of his parents (and no doubt he's also looking for a certain angel) and i love that when he finds them, when he saves them, he looks at his 19 yr old father, who is not the man who hurt him, who may never become that man in this universe, and he smiles, and he wishes them well and he give his parents the tools to be better and write a better story. anyways, i love the complicated way dean both loves and hates his father

[littlelightfish]

The hearts don't mean he is in love with no one. The problem with English is how vague of the word love is in his meaning. It envolves different kinds of caring in one single word. But I'll try to express here what I mean.

He cares, as a person, about everyone. This is a basic level of love that he haves towards everybody. He doesn't want anyone to actually die, that's what I mean. He doesn't necesarily cares about someone, but he loves them enough to not want them to die.

He starts befriending someone and gets to know it. He starts liking things about them and disliking others. He starts loving this people in another way, we'll call it liking. This is more a get-to-know phase he doesn't always like. The less he knows, the less reasons to get attached get attached he has. I think this are the kind of love the hearts show in the image. He has to make sure to keep a balance between how much he loves and how much he let's himself be loved. He doesn't want to have misunderstandings. He is in constant fear of "what if I made them love me more and they care more?"

And then it comes the deeply care that love is in the non-romantic way. This care a (good) parent has for his babies. The love that makes people suffer emotionally in an absolute different way from what it could be a heartbreak or a misunderstanding between friends. If something happens to the loved one, the pain is unbearable. It's one of the worst things rhat can happen. And Chilchuck knows this, he is father of three daughters, and his wife left him. She left, he knows the pain it is to come home and find it empty when there should be someone. He knows the guilt it comes with failing those loved ones. The shame. He doesn't like being this vulnerable. This love makes him suffer like no other does. So he is very very carefull of how much he allows himself to care about someone so he won't get to love like this.

He draws a line between work and private life because his private life envolves love and deep care, and he doesn't want to love nor care like this for people who's job is to constantly risk their lifes. He doesn't want to feel the anguish, he doesn't want to feel the loneliness it will come after the unenviable separation of the party.

He tries his best to not get attached to people. To not let people get attached to him. But he fails. He fails and falls downstairs with a whole drum set.

He can't help but to care about this people. He can't help but to love this people he's been living with the past few weeks in the risking of their lifes. He tells himself he's doing this for money and that he doesn't care, but he does.

Those hearts don't mean anything other than him caring about them. He cares about Senshi. He cares about Marcille. He cares about Laios. About Itsuzumi. About Namari. He cares in a way that hurts. He loves this people. He doesn't want to even imagine a world in where they are gone, or suffering, or in problems. They're his friends, they're something he, unwillingly, accepts as family.

He cares about Falin and Mickbell because he doesn't want them dead. He doesn't feel any anguish toward if they do or not get hurt after they're out of his sight. Sure, he cares, but he can live without thinking about them the rest of his days. It doesn't happen like that with Laios. He can't just simply let Laios go and follow Fallin just after he recover consciousness from a punch in the gut. Was it Mickbell, he would let him if he really didn't wanted. But Laios didn't wanted to sit and wait, and he had to care. He had to verbalize to himself that he cared. He had to let them know, so they would act accordingly. So they won't get themselves killed like idiots.

He doesn't want others to fall in romantic love with him. He doesn't feel romantic love towards anyone either. He isn't the man for this kind of love. He is, in fact, afraid of it. He doesn't want to fall in love, because he's still in love with his wife. She left him because he was negligent. But since when has this become the definitive stop for love? Chilchuck knows his wife is angry at him, and she has all the reason to be so! His husband, the one she loved and cared for, gets himself in dangerous situations, treats his body poorly and almost never is home. She loves him, and it hurts her to love like this, so she leaves. Like this she won't have to look at him get himself mistreated like he does. She would have the pull in her's stomach that tells her that he could be in great danger, that she could become a widow, but she tries to calm it with his daughter's mail to him. He could never. He can't imagine a world in wich they cease to exist. A world without his wife, even if she distanced herself, without his daughters, would be a world worthless of living. He knows this. Because he cares and he loves in such a deep level that he is scared of loving anyone else like this. To become so vulnerable to emotion. This vulnerable to something bad happening.

The fact that he is so afraid of loosing his wife, even after she left him, says a lot. He still cares about her. He is still in love with her. He wants to go back to what it was before, but he can't and he know its his fault. And he respects his wife's distance because he loves her. Now, he doesn't love her in the movie way, he isnt in love like a teenager would to his first girlfriend, he doesn't want to kiss her, or hug her, or be by her side at all moments of the day. He loves her. He cares about her deeply, deeply enough that he doesn't need to be by her side to care, to love. He also respects her. He can survive without her because he knows she's better with his daughter. For sure he wants to hug, kiss and be by the side of this person he loves, it would be ideal, but he can survive without thinking about it too much. It's just like with his daughters. They're all adults that now live far from him. And he is ok with it now. He sends mail and recieves mail, and even if he misses greatly, he can manage not to think about it. Because he knows she is allright. Because he knows he fucked up. He doesn't know where he fuked up, but for his wife to leave him, at least he knows he did. They never talked about it, because they both seem to have a problem in expressing themselves. She fell into a bad mood and then she disappeared. The amount of pain he must have felt it's... let's say it's quite big.

He keeps his guard up. He doesn't want to love deeply anyone. He doesn't want to feel the emptiness, the hurt, that comes after someone so dear leaves. He knows for a fact he'll be leaving this people. He knows that they could die. If he loves, it will hurt in a way nothing else hurts. He will miss. He doesn't like missing people he cares like this. This is why he doesn't want to love. This is why he doesn't want to be loved. This is why those hearts that are almost full are his main source of concern. This is why he makes the effort to keep this feelings at bay, to love only in the friendly way and with extreme caution.

But he can't controll his own love. And he ends up caring more and more about these people. He slowly makes him a part of the dangerous love zone that family means. He is afraid to confuse someone about his feelings towards them, so he still tries to maintain distance with his abusive remarks, but this only works so far. He loves and is loved. And because of this he will suffer.

I... I extended myself a bit I see...

[dayurno]

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

Mmmmmm thinking about Nine the fox walking around with his two bodyguards (Alpha Grim Sonic and Chaos Sonic) again

The fox and his most devoted halberds who are also possessive bitches

No but like but like I need you to understand

Chaos Sonic who was originally revived to take Sonic's place, to fill the hole in a frienship Nine came to believe as fake, and yet clearly held onto so dearly. Chaos Sonic, who was supposed to be the same as before, except made to be Nine's devoted best friend who would never betray him.

Alpha Grim Sonic who Nine reportedly modeled after the hedgehog he (foolishly) thought of as a friend. A robot copy of Sonic who would not talk back, who would not think, who was only made to serve and protect Nine.

Chaos Sonic, whose time spent with Nine turned programmed allegiance and care into some form of love (obsession and possessiveness)

Alpha Grim Sonic, who was not supposed to think and feel. And yet, with time spent serving Nine and opposing Shadow, he begins to feel and to think (a budding soul forming within his metal frame and existing beyond his programming). A robot created to protect and serve, whose feelings for his creator and master begin to grow over time.

When did his internal drive shift from playing the role of Nine's best friend? When did he begin to resent Sonic for what he did to Nine? When did he begin to want to see Nine happy and safe and accomplished (rather than just simply alive and able to complete his goals)? When did he begin to crave Nine's attention and to make him stop thinking about Sonic?

Wasn't he programmed to be no more than an unfeeling robot, a set of algorithms designed to allow him to fight, protect, serve, and strategize only as needed? Why does he want to hurt Shadow so much (is it really just out of the drive to protect Nine, or is it to make the hedgehog pay?)? He'd follow Nine's orders to the ends of the earth, but why does he worry about Nine when they’re separated? Why has he started to covet Nine's smiles and bouts of happiness? Why does he feel annoyance when Nine converses with Chaos Sonic like he's also not there? Why is he starting to understand why Chaos Sonic resents Sonic, beyond the fact that Chaos Sonic has always fancied replacing him? Alpha Grim Sonic has never wanted to replace the real thing, never understood why Chaos Sonic would, but he's starting to understand jealousy (in the way one begins to feel things they cannot put words to).

Chaos Sonic would tell you it's because he and Nine are best friends. Alpha Grim Sonic would tell you that it's because Nine is his master. Yet, deep down, the two have begun to want to be useful and important to Nine. They want to protect him and see his goals through past any loyalty programming. It does not matter whether such an outcome was inevitable or not (based upon their programming or the holes Nine made them fill in his life), only that they believe that they'd choose this even if Nine tried to let them go.

And Nine... Nine who creates distance between himself and the two robots almost instinctively, as if he's trying not to grow attached (ironic, given the roles he placed the two in, the holes in his life he made them fill after he believed that Sonic had backstabbed him). And yet, just as much as he insists that Alpha Grim Sonic is cold and unfeeling and programmed to serve or that Chaos Sonic is just like that (given the personality programmed into him and his similarities to Sonic) and was programmed to follow orders, he finds himself beginning to value the two as more. He should see them as tools, he tries to think of them as tools. And, yet, over time, the two become irreplaceable agents of his will. He can’t allow himself to believe they really care about them, but he wants them to know that he likes having them around, that no other robot can fill the roles he programmed them for, and no real mobian could be as effective as them (even if it's embarrassing to admit). They become...a comforting presence, especially when he's stuck in the Grim post canon, practically alone, closed off from being able to see Sonic again

Do you get me do you get me?

[cuntdrool]

So my first set of ears is coming in today and im trying to be normal about it....

[alicuntismswrites]

i’ll slither from eden back home to her a mr. & mrs. malcolm neil foxworth story

rating: E word count: 5,184

after burying mrs. steiner, malcolm foxworth leans forward and presses a dry kiss to olivia's mouth.

an au ending for that night.

read on ao3!

[professor-abeloved]

Judas' Kiss [Devon/Noah]

Fandom: It Lives Within (visual novel) 

Summary: After years of fighting for his life, you finally see him—your best friend, made blood and flesh and bone once more.

The reason you've working non-stop for years; the reason your heart beats in anticipation, waiting for the day his own comes to life.

The reason the rest of your friends are dead.

Characters | Ships: Noah Marshall/Main Character

Notes: thank you @itlivesproject for the blessing that is It Lives Within <3 manifesting a softer epilogue for Devon and Noah after all they've been through <3

---

“Are you sure you want to bring him back?”

Connor had asked you that once. You were both sitting on the porch, Noah’s beanie clutched in your hand as you watch him stare lazily at the sky, shadowy figure slumped in a way that was achingly familiar to his human form.

It was the first time the question was posed to you, but it wasn’t the first time it roiled around in your mind. The answer is trapped in your throat, choked and barred by a complex myriad of emotions.

Waves of resentment boiling in your gut. Affection blooming in your chest for childhood days gone by. Grief stinging your eyes at everything, everyone, you’ve lost.

A longing for what could’ve been felt in every part of your body…

Read more on Ao3!

[zyana-wyvern]

Not so randomly thinking about how I’m keeping a lot of headcanon and little quirks about my oc, otp and a certain very important npc to myself because of the fear of being judged. Funny because they’re not even that outrageous or oc, but they’re maybe slightly…different.

Also not so randomly thinking about how I say to myself that it’s fine and I’m not bothered by the fact that I’m censoring myself and I can go on like this indefinitely, when I actually am quite bothered and frustrated by it and I DEFINITELY cannot go on like this.

Is this childhood trauma? Most likely because a huge chunk of my early life was spent trying to fit in and also getting beaten down and leveled by a schooling system that was just out of the dark, Eastern European communism, with teachers who still applied the methods they’ve been taught.

The “just smile and wave” attitude cannot stay anymore and it needs to be a thing of the past. Every time I overcame it and was myself I had good things coming my way and received love.

I don’t do NY resolutions, but this might be one and it must be reflected in everything, not only blorbo and fandom things, but life lived each and every single day.

It’s hard to comprehend how after having the harrowing knowledge that life is short and fleeting, some of us still get stuck in pleasing others, or even worse, struggling to abide by imaginary rules and judgements *we* think others might have.

Out with the old…forever. Sealed and sworn.

[maulfucker]

oh god oh fuck I just had. A Thought.

ok so. remember when I said some posts ago that if I ever wrote a sequel to the sequel to Maul fucks some guy it would be a "I'm horny and it's making me go kinda crazy and I don't care we can pretend it didn't happen just fuck me" kinda thing. and remember I have a currently on hiatus wip about Maul warning Obi-Wan about Sidious before Dooku dies that involves them fucking in a spaceship. what if I. combined these concepts......

[merriclo]

hey ik we all (including me) love the idea of Legend having a house he goes back to but like. he canonically is a wanderer and that’s so underutilized in the fandom!!! cause just. the sheer amount of angst potential that’s in him still, after all these years, being unable to return to his uncle’s house. there’s so much we could go into there.

[incorrect-koh-posts]

☮ - ൠ - ☠ - ♡ - Tiberias

P.S. I'm the anon who challenged you

Nonny - the audacity! First you challenge me and now you try to appease me by asking me to rant about my boy??? My supreme KoH husband??? Fie, fie! 😁

But I shall gladly comply, of course. Here you go, some (much-needed) headcanons for Uncle Tibs:

TIBERIAS

☮ Friendship

Since he isn't the most trusting person and has made more than a few enemies at court over the years, Tiberias has few actual friends. Among them, he counts for example his cousin Bohemond of Antioch and the Grand Master of the Hospitallers, Roger de Moulins. With his family members, things are a little trickier: Tiberias is too wary of Sibylla with her changing whims and fancies to actually consider her a friend, and though he certainly harboured a great fondness for Baldwin, his feelings towards the young king are better described as a mixture of fatherly affection and the guarded respect of a great lord for his sovereign.

Tiberias loved Godfrey like the brother he never had. They met during King Amalric's Egyptian wars, shortly after Godfrey first arrived in the Holy Land, and became fast friends while being cut off from the rest of the Frankish forces during a skirmish. Whether at court or in war, the Baron of Ibelin and the Count of Tripoli have fought side by side ever since; so, naturally, when he received word of Godfrey's death, Tiberias was devastated. Being the older and somewhat frailer one of the two, he'd always thought he would be the first of them to go. Without Godfrey's idealism, he fears the walls of Jerusalem will not stand ere long; he knows that his own more pragmatic nature and waning faith will hardly be able to keep them from crumbling, in the end.

What can be said for Tiberias, hence, is that he has few friends but generally good ones. Though he can come across as rather aloof and even dour, he does care deeply about the ones he holds dear and will help wherever he can. He is not the sort of man to give grand declarations about how much someone means to him or some such, but when Tiberias shows a person his teasing, humourous side beyond his usual tired sarcasm, this usually indicates that he likes them very well.

ൠ Random headcanon

One of Tiberias' chief insecurities is his crippled right leg - not so much out of vanity but because it makes him a less capable fighter. Even in his prime, his swordsmanship was never on par with Godfrey's, which, back then, didn't irk him much as it was still decent. But ever since he suffered a nasty fall from his horse in battle some seven years ago and broke his leg, with the bone not setting properly afterwards, Tiberias has been ashamed of his lack of skill with the sword. The bad leg does not only render him slower than he'd like, but also impacts his balance and makes him prone to stumbling. Not that he won't fight tooth and claw in battle - but the leg injury shows him more than anything that he is no lively young buck anymore, which is especially sobering since he likes to believe he has kept himself quite well, otherwise.

As he enjoys taking his horses out for rides or participating in hunts, Tiberias is glad he didn't lose the leg and is still able to spend a long time in the saddle without any major discomfort. Even though most days, the limp tends to look worse than it is, the old injury aches more than usual in the winter months when even Jerusalem turns into a cold and rainy place. During those times, Tiberias often becomes a little grouchier than normal, for he is not a man accustomed to having to take it slow for a few days. And seeing the younger knights practice with each other in the training yards of the palace with all the ladies watching, knowing full well he cannot hold a candle to them anymore, does not exactly help.

☠ Angry / Violent

Though he has a reputation for being impatient and somewhat ill-tempered, it takes a while to rile Tiberias up. As he is seldom in good spirits, the signs of true anger tend to be difficult to spot, at first, beneath his usual gruff tone of voice and the bitterness that creeps into his face all-too-often these days. Things begin to get critical, however, once you see a muscle twitch in his jaw and notice a sudden tautness about his shoulders. In that case, it is either high time to try and smoothe the waters, or to brace yourself for the scolding you are about to receive.

Tiberias makes for a rather intimidating sight when he is angry. Since he generally has the advantage of height, people often feel threatened by his towering over them; and being shouted and / or growled at by a scarred, sinewy man with a gravelly voice who looks like he could - and would - kill you if provoked, has led many a squire and nobleman to rapidly regret their choices in life.

But, as most of his closer acquaintances will tell you, Tiberias is firmly one of those old war dogs whose bark is worse than their bite. Shouting at someone, and perhaps grabbing them by the shoulders for emphasis, is about as violent as he gets. While he will do what is necessary depending on the situation, the Count of Tripoli is not the sort of knight to revel in brutality or the suffering of others at his hands. Particularly if it was an innocent person he snapped at, a friend, or someone else he is close to, he will most likely feel guilty afterwards and attempt - if somewhat awkwardly - to apologise. He has done a number of things in life that he is decidedly not proud of, weighing heavy on his conscience.

♡ Romance

If you were to ask him, Tiberias would probably answer that he is done with love. It has never been a prime concern for him - could not be, really, on account of all his years spent in Saracen captivity and as regent for Baldwin IV. And although he has had the odd entanglement here and there (aside from his rather cold marriage bed), it has rarely been anything particularly meaningful or long-lasting. Nowadays, he likes to tell himself that he's too old, too worn, too tired to play the coy games of courtly love only to eventually be disappointed; he asks himself if it would really be worth the effort to try again with someone, or if he wouldn't just end up making a fool of himself. But once he found someone worth pursuing, he'd soon discover that there is life in the old dog yet.

When it comes to romance, Tiberias is much like a dried-up well: one would have to dig deep to draw water again. The way I see it, he is definitely a slow-burn guy who enjoys the chase as much as the pounce. For all that he is not the sort to write someone poetry or bring them flowers, he still is more of a traditionalist in these matters and would likely want - or at least expect - to be the one to make the first move. Which might take a while to happen, as it would be important to him to get to know that person well before deciding they might well be worth the shame of being rejected. That said, Tiberias would probably fall for someone younger - not because of "young and beautiful" but because he'd want someone who is not as jaded and weary as he is, someone who would make him see the good in the world again. He'd enjoy being surprised by them and showing them new things; while he might be a bit overprotective and paternalistic at times, he'd nonetheless be willing to learn and try his best to make his partner feel both at ease and on footing equal to himself.

Also, if he had a lover, Tiberias would be touching them constantly. Not in a creepy way, but ... you know, a hand at their elbow or between their shoulder blades when they enter a room together. An arm loosely draped around their waist. Kisses to the top of their head, when they're alone. Having them sit in his lap. Since he has spent quite a few lonely years in his life, he'd likely appreciate the physical reassurance that there is someone by his side now who won't go away anytime soon; and, not being the type to say 'I love you' fifteen times a day, these little touches would probably his way of telling them how happy he is they're with him. So, if you are looking for a wry, clever knight to brush a prickly kiss to the back of your hand or gently stroke your hair, Tiberias is your man. (And would, of course, be overjoyed if his affections were returned.) He reserves the naughty stuff for a more intimate setting.

In a word: Yes, the old boy is cuddly, lol. And possibly a tad possessive.

Want to hear my headcanons for a KoH character of your choice? Have a look here!

[bulkhummus]

so hoping cecil rolls up to the microphone mad as all hell next eppy

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

Oh ho ho what a highly interesting question, anon👀

(Answered under the cut because it's a bit long)

ㅤ

Before I give my proper answer, allow me to explain a bit of my interpretation of Tails. I actually see him as a sort of naturally jealous person with some innate possessive tendencies who has grown used to curbing these tendencies of his, which he had to do due to a number of factors.

One major reason is due to Sonic himself. To me Sonic has always had a complicated relationship with different kinds of love or attraction (and I do see him as on the aro/ace spectrum). So, when absolute strangers (or those he doesn't particularly like) obsessively pursue him for clear romance/possessive reasons, he tends to react with strong rejection or indifference, in contrast to how he welcomes ego stroking and praise from those who can be merely categorized as "fans" (or those he does particularly like). To me, Tails' initial admiration and pursuit of joining with and becoming like Sonic very well parallels how Amy Rose began to admire and pursue a romantic relationship with Sonic. Even if we consider that Sonic did save Tails that one time from being bullied (according to Sonic Prime and a new animation for Sonic 2 present in Sonic Origins), his pursuit of trying to work together with his hero (which is detailed a bit more in the jp manual for Sonic 2, and includes Tails going so far as to follow after Sonic everywhere and modify Sonic's plane) really isn't any more "normal" than how Amy begins to pursue a romantic relationship with her hero after Sonic saves her from Metal Sonic. The only real differences here were that Amy was explicitly pursuing romance, and that Sonic rejected Amy's advances but eventually took Tails on as his sidekick/little buddy.

This is also not to mention the implications here and there in what we can find of Sonic and Tails' backstory that Sonic would continue to run away and pretend he did not care, while secretly keeping an eye out for Tails.

And beyond that, as one of Sonic’s oldest friends, Tails gets to spend a lot of time around Sonic, and gets to see firsthand how he reacts to romantic prospects, his complicated relationship with "love" as a concept, and is present as Sonic’s group of friends steadily grows.

With all of that, I at least see Tails learning to deal with his innate jealousy and possessiveness so

Sonic doesn’t reject him

Because he doesn't want to keep Sonic from pursuing relationships with others

And for the sake of one's image/being a good person

If Tails has learned that confessing and making his romantic intentions clear could lead to Sonic rejecting him or it ruining their friendship (since he's seen first hand how Sonic has reacted in certain cases to love confessions or overt romantic affection), it makes sense to me that he would try to hold his feelings back (both those that are not squarely platonic and are explicitly romantic and/or sexual). And when it comes to Sonic, there's a guilt factor and an impossibility factor when it comes to keeping him from other people. Not only would Tails feel at least a little bad for restricting him, but Sonic does not respond well to being controlled. Now of course, how he reacts does depend on the time of his life and who it is, but there is nevertheless a futility in trying to control Sonic "I have no master except the wind that blows free" Hedgehog. And finally, my view on both Sonic and Tails, well... I believe that image and visual alignment is a big thing for these two, and that the two are secretly more...in the gray (or at least, that they're surprisingly immoral so to speak). In their origins to me, Tails is just a kid, minding his business, who does not inherently seek to hurt others (though his faith in those around him does matter), and Sonic is just a kid, free as the wind, who doesn't particularly care about being a good guy, but loves the attention. Essentially, though he does save some people on whim, the idea is that Sonic originally fights Robotnik simply because the Doctor, his machines, and his pollution have such a negative effect on his home. So beyond this point, he fights as a hero both out of interest of having his home intact/being alive, and because (simply put) he likes what comes from being considered a hero (all the praise and perks). And so because Sonic is someone that Tails admires, because Sonic has to uphold a baseline image or reputation so he can still be considered a hero/good guy, Tails becomes accustomed to doing the same. That's a bit of an oversimplification (how I see them and why is the subject of a proper essay about that), but the point is that Tails is also conscious that trying to overtly control or manipulate Sonic would not objectively be considered "hero or good guy behavior", especially if it goes too far.

And so with all of that plus the fact that Sonic has never seemingly accepted anyone's romantic inclinations or dated anyone, Tails curbs his natural inclination towards jealousy and possessiveness so he can be content enough to be at Sonic's side. Perhaps there are more friends Sonic is going to get, people he's going to show an interest in, but Tails can put stock in the fact that it's unlikely that Sonic will date anyone. Plus, even if that somehow does happen, Tails is largely fine as long as he's guaranteed to be by Sonic's side no matter what. So as long as he can be with Sonic forever, no matter their relationship, he's as content as can be.

ㅤ

But then Sonic starts dating Nine, right?

And hahaha don't get me wrong here. Tails is pretty practiced. He's not gonna blow up or anything.

But once he gets past the initial shock of that being true, I think he just feels jealous and conflicted by default. I mean, he's just been accepting that there's no hope of ever being in that kind of relationship with Sonic. And not only has someone gone and done it, it's not just anyone.

It's a version of him.

And if a version of himself managed to do it (a version of himself who once lashed out at and fought against Sonic no less), then what does that mean about him? Does it mean that there's something about Nine Sonic likes better? Does it mean that he's had this entire situation wrong? Does it mean he lost his chance and he'd been so afraid for nothing? Does it mean that he could have had that this whole time?

And that's not to mention navigating this. Even if I believe Sonic is very very capable of having multiple best friends or even partners, it's only natural for Tails to get a little afraid of being replaced (especially if he learns that Sonic also considered/considers Nine as a best friend also)

But Tails is the type to not want to burden Sonic with all of this while becoming increasingly more worried. And although he would naturally have a complicated relationship with Nine, I still think he would generally like him and not want to take out his feelings on him. So with that being said, I think he'd sort of try to hold it in and act normal while really not acting all that normal, because though he could hide his feelings better if he wanted to, he still kind of lets it slip because he kind of does want to talk to Sonic about it or let his feelings be known.

I think that whenever Sonic eventually does see that Tails is acting a bit off he'll eventually talk to him about it or try to get him to, but, honestly, even if Sonic could say things (true things) that would make him feel better, I don't think Tails could be as content as he would be if it was idk... Knuckles or Shadow or what have you. Because if it was anyone else, Tails could be more content knowing that his relationship with Sonic is special and that he'll always be by his side, even if he's dating someone else.

But with the fact that the person that Sonic has chosen to date is another version him—a version of him which Sonic has also kind of clearly developed a similar "best friendship" with? I feel that even if Sonic tries to reassure him, Tails will forever be plagued with bitter and jealous feelings. Even if he'd never force Sonic to stop dating anyone, much less force him to date him, I don't think he can even really feel content here unless Sonic chooses to date him also if that makes any sense.

So, yes. That's my answer. Tails would try to be really good about it, but he's still bitter and annoyed and jealous and wondering if he's enough or has been doing something wrong. He's wondering why it couldn't have been him. And he won't be able to just be content at Sonic's side if he can't also be with Sonic. So while I can't say how long it will take, something will have to give eventually. I think at some point in their future, Sonic will have to tackle his specific feelings for Tails and they'll have to talk about their specific relationship, especially if he's dating Nine right in front of him.

[zoophagist]

“You’re not alone in this.”

- from Mina Murray Harker: Minas-Diary

@minas-diary

Would that he were more alone! In this place, in these walls with so many lives hanging in the balance he is a threat to all. And that has always been true of him in a way, as he takes with him wherever he goes the STAIN of his dark allegiance, but he never cared about that until her. It's really rather cruel, making him care all of a sudden. If he has been wrong about people all this time, and good souls like her really can exist, he'd have been better off not knowing it, bound as he is to the choices he's long since made.

But when his agitated, worried look meets hers, he does not think about what would be better, only that this woman is civil — kind, even — to him, and that he is going to hurt her for all the things he cannot say, and the one terrible thing he has already done.

Would that he were more alone... yes... in that way and... His eyes flicker over her face, her neck, and though His marks are out of sight, His power is apparent to Renfield in the loss of the lady's color, the tiredness she must be fighting so very hard. Renfield is not alone indeed. Mina's blood and his merge in that same web of the Master's design. In this way too, he wishes he were more alone. (More alone for her sake, more alone for his, so that he could have all the Master has to give, so that he would not be passed by, so that he would be held as she would hate to know she is... There is a sheen of JEALOUSY to his wishing.)

"Mrs. Harker, you cannot know how true your words are, nor how sinister their portent... And yet, while what you say is true, what you mean is not. There is no one whom I can trust, or who can trust me. Why? Because I am mad? Or because they know beyond knowing somehow that I have wronged them all...?" He strives to seem composed for this esteemed guest (both out of pride and out of self-preservation; if he appears to get violent in the presence of the lady he is sure it will be cause for worse punishment), but for a moment his resolve wavers, and he rocks forward, hunching in his seat, and draws his head into his hands as he holds back a small, unhappy moan from escaping him. It is in here, in his mind, the fatal knowledge, but woe is he, he cannot tell it. Even thinking that he wishes to, a sickness rises in the back of his throat and a droning buzz comes sneaking into his mind - his mouth could not make the words, surely. The words he finds to say instead are, "And yet you are kind to me. Why do you not feel it," he asks, voice darkening, "the shadow that hangs over us?"

[vipier]

tristan  :  i do not feel feelings. almost every relationship he has  :  incredibly passionate, tumultuous, bone deep, written into his core  ...