#destiny fails us: a new life

[thesirenisles]

Luxor🎡

random astrology notes

I hope you guys enjoy! I will be doing custom, in-depth readings soon, however these notes are drawn from personal observation. Do not steal, rewrite, or copy any of my original writing. All rights reserved. © 2024 The Siren Isles Photos are of me or from pinterest. If it does not apply, let it fly. support here.

🎡 Mars in the 12th is such an interesting placement. When I found out I had this placement in sidereal (I generally prefer tropical) my dreams made so much sense. I literally dream in the Universe of a John Wick, sometimes Apocalyptic action movie! LOL Besides that, this is a late bloomer indicator. Mars natural fiery nature is hindered in the watery abyss of darkness or Chaos that is the 12th house. It’s like fighting in the dark. The assertion and ferocity of the native can be snipped when young. They’ll have a hard time showing their anger or competitiveness. In result, this also makes others project (12th house) negative traits like aggression (Mars) onto you! Your moves are hidden from the eye and some haters can’t stand that. You’re easily made the villain. But, through the pursuit of spiritual enlightenment and sometimes a very messy cathartic release… a spiritual warrior is reborn!

Uranus aspects can be defined by their celestial counterpart:

sun - uranus: You need to be seen (like the sun) making a difference. where can you be a beacon or example of radical change?

mercury - uranus: What high level thoughts are you thinking but not saying (Mercury) that could create drastic transformation?

jupiter - uranus Where can you be a generous benefactor to create change or spiritual teacher (Jupiter) of transformational knowledge.. or just new ideas?

🎡 SYNASTRY SOULMATE indicator: Vertex conjunct IC ( Imum Coeli) As a leo moon and pisces venus who just LOVES true LOVE. This is such an incredibly powerful love placement that I can personally attest to!! 🥰 The Vertex is referred to as the fated point or destiny point. Imum Coeli (IC) translates to “bottom of the sky”. It’s indicative of one’s roots and basic needs for emotional security. Having Vertex conjunct someone’s IC is a type of love that stops you in your tracks. Your breath is taken. You know them from a past life, are instantly comfortable with them, and they feel like home. I’ve read this is popular within married couples, but I also read that it’s rare. I’d love to know if anyone has experienced this. The power of this connection is marked with profoundly deep transformation for both parties, emotional wound healing, and a shared destiny. Things can get tricky if you weren’t ready for this fated meeting because the IC person may not want to leave this person’s side.

🎡 Saturn-Ascendant is so freaking stressful, my goodness. Moment of silence for these natives. (me included) Oh, the need to be great but the fear of failing! Oh, the obstacles! Oh, the need to critique to perfection. Oh, the need to present with full control. The self imposed fun-police. Oh, when does it get easy?? IT WILL.🤞🏾In the meantime, just smize 😗 for the Gods with that heavenly bone structure!

🎡 Gemini placements live such interesting lives! They are the magicians tarot card come to life. (literally, it’s associated with Mercury) The men are the types to successfully convince multiple women to be in a polyamorous relationship. I have seen it! My Gemini guy friend had like 3 girlfriends. But, he somehow made time for all of them and they were content! The Aquarius in me was baffled! LOL. These magic men seem to have a powerful charm over the Venus ruled signs, which checks out due to Thoth(Gemini) and Ma’at (Libra) being married in Ancient Kemetic mythology. But, also Pisces!! I knew a pair with these signs and they were like besties turned lovers, but only on the Gemini’s terms.😐Mercurian energy can be so fleeting, but so powerful when in close proximity. They will stay only if they want (or need lol don’t get used). If you want to know if a Gemini placement is serious about you…. words of intention mean little to nothing for an air sign, watch those actions!

🎡 Pluto Sextile Uranus natal placement is such a powerful fandom/ fame indicator in this lifetime. It literally just makes sense for this Uranus in Aquarius generation (roughly 1996-2003) of “Influencers”. Uranus in Aquarius (collective) + Pluto in Aquarius (obsession & power) = the crazy ass fandoms that follow the lives of these natives: Zendaya, Jeon Jung-kook, Billie Eilish, Park Ji-min, Bella Hadid, Jenner sisters, & the list goes on! Pluto will be in Aquarius until 2043! So, if you were born in these years and have a Uranus Pluto aspect, I advise you to find your niche & get a fandom lol Most have Pluto in Sagittarius, so it could be teaching something or selling a skill (like youtube or online courses).

🎡 Mars in Taurus or at Taurus degrees (2, 14, etc.) natives tend to have such a beautiful physique. Like, Mars refines itself when in contact with Venus. The mix ends up being so addictive to others & if you have this.. you know what I mean! Tender lover. Women with this placement are graceful and sensual by nature, often with a womanly shape. Men with this placement can have “Godly” beautiful physical qualities like broad shoulders and chiseled back dimples. Very beautiful indeed. I feel Capricorn also refines Mars in a very structured way.

🎡 Venus placements (Taurus & Libra) in a man’s chart tend to make them a bit bougie! Lol Venus rules self worth, aesthetics etc. and they may feel like a woman should have certain qualities, dress a certain way, and fulfill certain duties! Blessed with looks or charm (Libra especially), they can become quite content and spoiled by the women in their lives. Let’s not forget Taurus is the moon exalted placement! Mama’s boy, anyone?

🎡 Aries placements parents are NOT for the weak! Especially if you have an outer planets sun (Scorpio to Pisces) or gentler placements that want to be coddled (Pisces, Leo, Cancer). The energy just clashes. This is because the Aries is the youngest soul in nature. They’re here for a good time! The child can often feel like the parent or the more mature party. On the other hand, the child can feel like an after thought or accessory! Aries may be be concerned with their own stuff and may only check on “the image” of the child, but not the emotional well being. The child can become an extension of their reputation. Can also be domineering & overly bossy, making the child retreat inwards. The child can see their parent as a celebrity or dictator almost until they reach a certain age and see the deeper issues… Fire signs are worried about shining!

🎡 Venus in Leo are often stunning with feline eyes and have so much stage presence. They take good care of themselves and great pride in their hair, usually. If there is Virgo on the chart to add perfection and attention to aesthetics… this could be a superstar presence! The type of people who may be chill from day to day, but when they dress… they DRESS!

🎡 Moon in the 3rd house wants to talk it out!! They are going to discuss, baby. These are the types who may spill the beans out of emotion, say one thing but feel another.. similar to Moon-Mercury aspect energy. But, the relationship with the mother can be good with open communication.

🎡 Scorpio in Big 3 women give me Maxine Shaw vibes (from Living Single, hit 90’s show) every single time. Like, they were warriors in their past life. So bold and powerful with an unshakable inner strength. A lesser talked about quality that I have noticed is such powerful dreams as well! There can be astral projection, lucid dreaming, that manifest as challenges of literally facing your fears in your dreams! Spiritual warrior and BDE💁🏾‍♀️

🎡 Sagittarius in big 3 women are similar to me. If you really like someone, the issue will be pushed. If you really dislike someone, the issue will be pushed! I love that energy! & I am biased as a Sag rising. This reminds me of the boisterous Auntie with jokes, wisdom, and powerful energy that fills a room. With Jupiter as their ruler, they can be the masculine energy in their relationships, naturally. They move with freedom in mind when young.

🎡 Leo placements have the super power of bringing warmth to whatever space they inhabit. Suns are shining everywhere they go! Mercury brings grandeur to their conversations and intellectual pursuits. Venus is the light of their lovers life and nothing less! Jupiter is like the Sun double with this energy lol. Giant presence! Depending on the placement, they may or may not notice impact of their presence. However, it's so cold when that sunshine is gone. Everyone can tell when these natives are feeling cloudy because their light is usually felt on the skin of those around them. Such beautiful golden energy!

hiss watch🧿 𓆙

a few placements that can attract sssnakes

𓆙 Neptune in 11th House Be aware of the amount of love you give before you accept someone into your space. Your energy is magnetic, whimsical, and healing! You believe in humanity. This makes you an amazing friend but you can constantly want to see the “good” in people. At its worst, you could be the head cheerleader for your biggest enemy! Don’t be the wind beneath any wings that are uncomfortable when it’s your turn to fly! NO excuses.

𓆙 Pluto in 11th House Transformation, obsession, jealousy, and friendship walk into a bar… No one’s having a good time! Back-stabbing. Envious lies. Stealing your belongings. (Neptune in big 6 can make this even more painful because you may not even notice the disrespect!!) Be aware. 🧿 Not only of others but of yourself. Power struggles. Any negative thoughts or actions must be checked because you will get that energy right back!! That is the only way to reverse this curse. Energy is fluid.

𓆙 Venus- Neptune Harsh aspects can have people trying to debunk their beauty or hurt their value (Venus). “Is that your real hair?” “Are those your natural lashes?” 🙄 The people are watching! At a point in life, you may be completely lost on what you deserve, what love is, and your own self value. Others see it, but you can have an illusory gaze in the mirror.

𓆙 Honorable mention: Sun-Neptune, Neptune in 1st, 3rd, 7th house, Pluto in 7th house, 2nd house, 12th house, Pluto aspect to personal planets. Jupiter in relationship or social houses (2, 3, 7, 10) because people can see your lucky moments!

Thank you for reading!

Check out my page for more in-depth astro posts!

@thesirenisles | masterlist | support

[multific]

A Love Without Words

Paul Atreides x Mute!Reader

Summary: Destiny has its way to make us suffer. It gives us power but it can take it away just as easily. 

You and Paul grew up together.

It was decided at a young age that you were to become his wife when the time comes.

Lady Jessica remembered the day he took his young boy, barely two years old into the healers where you were just born. 

Lady Jessica remembered the day he told his son that the baby laying in the crib will be his wife. 

Paul didn't understand it back then. Of course, he didn't, he was too young.

You soon grew up to be a strong woman, strong with the Voice. Your power and ability to use the Voice became evident at a young age.

You loved to sing as well.

It is how Paul fell in love with you. One morning, he heard a voice, oh so sweet, singing. He knew he needed to find the person. He needed to know who it was. And he found you. Baking away as you sang. Paul was only sixteen, yet he found the love of his life.

---

But then, things turned for the worst. On your sixteenth birthday, you celebrated with your family.

Your family was attacked.

The Duke himself went to help but it was all in vain. Your parents were dead, and they found you in terrible conditions.

"My Lady, she is stable now, her vitals are good but... My Lady... she lost her voice." Paul and her mother looked at the nurse as she handed them a note.

'I tried to save them, I used the Voice but I failed. And now, I lost my parents and the Voice.'

Paul looked up at the nurse, demanding answers.

"She can't speak anymore, she had gone mute."

Mute.

Your beautiful voice.

Your songs.

Were all gone?

The voice that made him laugh and smile. The voice that talked so sweetly to him.

Was it truly gone?

Paul looked at his mother who had sadness in her eyes.

All she could say was "At least she is still alive."

But it was no comfort for Paul.

He headed into the room, finding you alone in bed, but you weren't sleeping.

He didn't say anything, he didn't know what to say.

So, he sat down beside your bed and held your hand as you silently cried.

Paul wanted nothing more than to burn the world. The world that took so much from you. 

You swore on that hospital bed that no matter what, you won't let this fully break you.

It is what your attackers would have wanted, and you weren't going to give them the satisfaction of winning.

They came into your home to kill you and your family due to your closeness to the Duke. Everyone knew about your engagement to Paul, and they wanted to attack where it would hurt.

And it hurt. 

It really did hurt Paul.

You were moved into his room, his mother decided to marry you to him earlier. Saying in order to keep your title and the power your House once had, you had to be married.

It was disgusting to hear that after the day of your attack, many nobles offered their daughters up for marriage to Paul.

But there you were, only a week after you buried your parents and your voice, you were standing in a white dress getting married. 

You tried to be happy, after all, you did love Paul with all of your heart. 

But you were still grieving.

Slowly, you started to heal, Paul and Lady Jessica did help you a lot. While the Lady tried to help you get your voice back, Paul wanted you to accept the fact that you lost it.

You felt like you were pulled in two directions.

Then the following week, during your daily training with Lady Jessica, you finally had enough.

'I don't wish to continue. I lost my voice and I'm coming to terms with it, Paul helps a lot. I understand that the Voice is a gift. Unfortunately, I have lost my gift, so I'm trying to find a new purpose.'

Read the note you handed to Lady Jessica before exiting the room.

She didn't argue. She knew she was holding onto something which she couldn't save. She knew, but at least you both tried.

Now, you needed a new purpose, and motivation to keep you going. And you found it in Paul. 

Paul was a kind soul. Attentive, affectionate and caring. He loved you like no other. 

And you loved him. You loved that even though you were only a shadow of the woman you once were, he loved you.

You often found yourself in the library, reading or by the window looking out.

Your daily routine was simple. And every day you had dinner with your now-family. The Duke, Lady Jessica and Paul. 

You never really paid attention to the conversations, it was mainly the Duke speaking with Paul 

Then, during one dinner, something caught your attention. Something the Duke said.

A child.

The Duke asked Paul when does he plan on having a child, an heir. 

It shocked you. It really did.

Considering that you and Paul only spent one night intimate. It was the best night of your life. Even if he said he didn't have any experience, you didn't mind. 

You were still rather nervous around him.

Thankfully you had your notepad with you. Everyone watched as you wrote something before a servant stepped up and you handed him the note. He read it out loud.

"It was rather difficult for my mother to conceive. It is why I am an only child. I'm afraid I might have the same difficulty, My Duke. I sincerely apologise." as he finished you bowed your head and everyone was so speechless it made you nervous. You did just admit to a flaw in your bloodline. But it would be better for them to know. You motioned for the servant who gave you back the notebook and you wrote. "I do wish to be a mother, however. But I do not want to rush my husband with such duty. My mother often said, 'It will happen when the time is right.'" 

"You are such a sweetheart, Y/N." said the Duke. "I remember your father often reminding me of your mother's... issues. I simply asked because the council was also curious. I do understand however, it is not their place to ask."

You knew that a baby could be a good purpose for you. But you also didn't want to have a baby and then have this feeling of only giving birth because you lost your purpose. You wished to have a child out of love, not duty.

While you did understand it was one of your duties. You also didn't wish the child to have this sense that you only gave birth because of that reason.

And somehow Paul understood that. But he also desperately wanted to give you more. Give you his voice in exchange for yours. He wanted to give you the entire Galaxy.

It is why he spoke up and told his father, when you two are ready for a child, you shall have one.

You appreciated Paul taking your side.

Later that evening, you were in the bath, enjoying the water before Paul would soon return.

You smiled to yourself, imagining a young boy, hair like Paul's running around, giggling and calling you Mommy.

It was beautiful.

But you knew you had a low chance. And babies are supposed to hear their mommies talk.

You will never be able to do that. And it hurt. 

You really needed something to take up your mind. You felt like you have read every book in there. You felt like you explored all rooms.

You sank deeper into the tub when your servants arrived and helped you clean and got you dressed. 

"How was your day?" asked Paul as he entered the room and sat down on your shared bed. You offered him a smile and a nod. "Great, I have a surprise for you." 

You grabbed your note, 'Now?'

"I was supposed to wait until tomorrow morning, but I can't."

He grabbed your hand and guided you down the halls and into the garden, there you noticed something in the back.

It looked like a...

Paul guided you closer. It was harder to see in the dark.

It was a green house, made out purely from glass. 

"I just thought... Mother said ladies usually enjoy gardens and flowers and I thought you might like it." you silently walked inside, looking at all the possibilities as all trays were still empty.

Paul stood in silence as he watched you looking around. You soon noticed a corner where there were sofas placed. You walked over and soon turned to paul.

'Is this for me?'

"Of course! You can decorate or plant however you like. Tomorrow a planner will come and you can tell her what you would like."

'This is wonderful, Paul.'

"I know you have been feeling lost since your voice and parents were taken from you. I hope this will give you a new goal to take your mind off of things."

You wanted to cry, you walked over to him and hugged him. Silently thanking him.

"I hope, every time I come in here I will see you smile." you pulled away and smiled at him. He smiled back. "I love you so much, Y/N."

You placed your palm on his heart.

It was your way of telling him that you felt the same, that you loved him just as much.

It might have been a love without words, but Paul understood it perfectly.

Your eyes shined every time you looked at him, your smile was always so kind and pure.

He slowly leaned down to kiss your perfect lips. 

Taglist: @fleursirvart​ @greenarrowhead​ @thisismysecrethappyplace​ @sincerelyfan​ @theoneanna​ @aestheticsandmarvel​ @rororo06​ @castellandiangelo​ @destynelseclipsa​ @spilledinkindumpster​ @capsiclesdoll​ @puknow​ @alwayshave-faith​ @alex12948​ @lxdyred​  @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl​ @anonymoussherlockandmarvelgeek​ @praline357​ @trshngyn​ @avengers-r-us​ @violet-19999​ @top1bbgloak​   @manduse​   @jacalineiscomingforyou​  

~Masterlist~

ˇAO3ˇ

DO NOT STEAL, PLAGIARISE, REPOST OR TRANSLATE ANY OF MY WORKS  

[angelicbarbiedoll]

How to go within

So you decided that you finally want to give up all of the overconsumption, trying to „get“ and „failing“. No worries I got you. The principal of the law is very simple, your imagination creates your reality. You might think now : „But how do I change what’s happening inside my imagination and how do I make things „happen“ in the 3D?“ So this is where most people go wrong, yes of course we want it in reality but that’s not what you should be worrying about. Your only job is to fulfill yourself in imagination and how do you do that? Well that’s totally up to you! You can visualize, affirm, do SATS, and so much more. But all those things are only techniques to get yourself into the wish fulfilled, or to phrase it in a more understandable way, to remind yourself that you have it already. I think it’s important to fall in love with imagination because as within so without. Make it your fun, amazing playground, where you persist in the things that you want and love. That way your „desires“ or let’s call them now your new reality will feel SO much more natural. And yes I know that’s easier said than done, especially at first but trust me as soon as you find your own way of manifesting it will feel so much easier. The most important thing though is don’t just listen, do the work. If it makes it easier for you, choose one video or post to come back to if you need some reassurance but don’t rely on the overload of information. Trust me, you already know more than enough by now. As soon as you get used to relying on your imagination for reassurance and conformation manifesting will feel like the easiest thing in the world. Because remember, EVERYTHING is your manifestation, you have been manifesting all of your life, the only difference is that you now start doing it consciously. Take control of imagination, take control over destiny.

[magicalrocketships]

hiii do you have news on baby max ?

yes, yes, I do. important news. (this was supposed to just be a few lines but it grew).

All earlier parts can be found in this masterpost and on AO3 here.

It's You And Me (I Know It's My Destiny): Daniel's Birthday Eve (1.1k)

The day before Daniel's birthday, Max wakes Daniel up at the inhumane hour of six in the morning, patiently tells Daniel he's doing secret things in his bedroom, and that Daniel isn’t allowed in.

Daniel, blearily coming to life on far too little sleep, agrees that Max isn't to be disturbed, but rather than this meaning he gets to go back to sleep, Max puts in his breakfast order instead. He would like cheerios and apple juice, please Daniel. Daniel's suggestion that this wait until a more humane time like 6.30 is met with Max's blisteringly silent disdain.

Daniel, suitably rebuked, stumbles out of bed and prepares Max a breakfast of cheerios and apple juice, and puts the milk in a jug that he's had to buy specially because Max doesn't like his cereal soggy. Max applies milk in a systematic and occasional manner as and when required, rather than all at once like a normal person. Daniel suspects that Max's particular idiosyncrasies weren't indulged the first time around and Daniel can't be fucked trying to persuade him out of it now that he’s seven for a second time, so Max has his own milk jug and smiles at Daniel over breakfast now.

Max eats his breakfast sitting at the table, then politely requests that they call Daniel's mum and dad on the iPad. He then disappears with the iPad and Daniel's parents into his bedroom, closes the door, and Daniel is left to clear up the remains of breakfast and slowly come awake over two cups of coffee. He picks at a few dry cheerios. Contemplates a shower. He knocks at Max's bedroom door and asks if everything is okay, and he's met with a chorus of responses - Max's yes thank you Daniel coupled with Daniel's Mum and Dad's tinny everything's good coming from the iPad.

Sure. Daniel will take that. He cleans up the kitchen a bit, has a very quick shower with the door cracked the tiniest bit open in case Max needs him, then wanders between the bedroom and the kitchen and the utility room failing to do jobs and wondering what Max is getting up to with his parents. He should be enjoying the peace and quiet, with no one telling him flag facts or shoving pictures of cats in front of him and getting him to guess the breed or telling him that the Jimmy or Sassy cats are trying to knock everything off the trophy shelf again, but he wants to know what's going on. There's some very industrious paper cutting and conversation going on inside Max’s bedroom.

Max pads out of the bedroom after an hour, hands Daniel the iPad and says it's running out of charge. He also asks for the glue and if it's all right if he uses all his stickers up. Daniel's mum waves at him from the iPad, which is, as Max says, running at 7%.

"Hello, Mum," Daniel says, rooting about in the drawer for the glue sticks at the same time as unplugging the charging cable from the wall and plugging it into his battery pack instead.

"Hello, Daniel," his mum says.

"Everything okay?" Daniel asks, handing over the battery pack, the glue sticks, and the iPad to a stern-faced Max.

"Yes, thank you, Daniel," Max says. Daniel's mum echoes it. She at least waves as Max goes back into his bedroom and closes the door.

The next time Max comes out, it's to deposit the iPad with Daniel and to ask for a drink. It's both his parents on the screen this time.

"Hello," Daniel says, plugging them into the wall and obediently getting Max a cup of apple juice.

Max comes and sits down next to Daniel, plastering himself to Daniel’s side like he's Daniel's personal protector.

"How's it going?" Daniel asks, since every member of his family is apparently being weird as fuck today.

"It's your birthday," Max says.

"Tomorrow," Daniel agrees.

"It's almost tomorrow in Australia," Max says solidly. "Isn't it?" He directs his attention towards Daniel's mum and dad.

"It is almost tomorrow in Australia," his parents say, which is a lie because it's not even fucking dinnertime in Perth.

"We're going to have your birthday now," Max says.

"Are we?"

"We are," Max says. "Stay here and don't move. Please."

He pads off into the bedroom. He'd got himself dressed even before coming to wake Daniel up that morning, in his Pokemon t-shirt and shorts and his blue socks. When he comes back he's carrying a big piece of paper from his arts and crafts set and carrying Pikachu under one arm. He unfolds the paper for Daniel to look at.

It says Happy Birthday My Daniel in big coloured-in blue letters, and underneath, love from Max. There are some cat stickers on one side and Max has carefully written the name of the cat breeds (with some crossings out where he'd spelled it wrong) next to them with arrows. He's drawn a flag in each corner. There's the Australian flag, and the Italian one, and the Dutch one, and the Belgian one. He's used up all his stickers from the zoo and glued on a picture of a camel and a train and a photograph of him and Daniel and Daniel's mum and dad from when they went on holiday and they spent five days basically living in the pool. Max has had that photo stuck to his wall ever since they got back.

Daniel looks at his birthday picture. He wants to cry.

"Happy birthday, my Daniel," Max says. "Do you like it?"

"More than anything," Daniel says, and he can't help but sound a bit choked up. When he looks up at his iPad, his parents are smiling. His dad has his phone out taking a picture of the screen. "Did you help with this?"

"We were here for artistic advice and company," his mum says. "But it was all Max."

Max looks up at him. He's beaming, pleased and happy and proud. "I made it for you," he says.

"It's the best thing I've ever seen," Daniel says, truthfully, and he asks Max if he'd like a hug.

Max nods thoughtfully, then wraps his arms around Daniel's neck. Daniel hugs back.

"Thank you," Daniel says, a little sniffly. "It's lovely."

"I used up all my stickers," Max tells him, still hugging him.

"That's very kind of you," Daniel says. He kisses the top of Max's head. "We'll have to get you some more, won't we?"

"We're going to send some from Australia," his parents say. "With koalas on."

"And kangaroos," Max agrees.

"Best early birthday present ever," Daniel says. He looks down at his picture. He'll put it on the wall, he thinks. Leave it up forever.

"Love you," Max says solidly.

"Love you too," Daniel says, and Max, smiling, gives him Pikachu to hold.

"You can look after Pikachu," Max says, and Daniel thinks, forever.

[treasureyourfire]

~ Your Fairytale Adventure Begins ~ ~ Choose Your Path ~

1 2 3 Reminder: * Trigger warning: All three readings have heaviness in them... 💔❤️‍🩹 I send everyone the supporting energies and wish all the best to reach a happy ending at the end of their struggles. * These are not gender-specific readings, in the stories I'll use They/Them pronouns. * These are collective readings for entertaintment. * I am not a professional reader and readings that I do are a part of my learning process. * The tarot can provide guidance, but you manage your own life according to your free will. Feel free to keep what resonates, and let go of what doesn't.~ * (English is not my mother language, sorry for the mistakes.)

* How is their life like a fairytale: Four of Cups, Knight of Swords, (the lowest card in the deck: Ace of Swords) * What magical qualities do they possess that can help them on their journey: Three of Wands * What obstacles do they need to overcome to achieve they fairytale ending: Reversed Sun, Reversed Chariot, Reversed Nine of Wands * What steps can they take to manifest their happily ever after: Tower, King of Cups

Over the mountain, over the valley, there once lived a human sitting in the shade of a tree. This human silently reflected on and taking stock of their life of that time. They were not satisfied. Disappointment and a sense of lack gnawed at them, and although they longed for something to fill this void, so that they could feel safe in their heart, they no longer believed in the opportunities offered to them with good intentions, promising improvement and happiness. Or maybe, even though they were offered in vain, they didn't see them behind the misty veil of their sorrow.

During their contemplation, suddenly, like some heavenly spark, an enlightening thought lit up in their mind. They were struck by an inspiration that spurred them to immediate action. They made their decision quickly. They decided to hit the road, arming themself for the struggles ahead. They was ready to change their destiny. Determined, unwavering, fearless, they galloped forward on the back of their fast horse, keeping their eyes fixed on their goal.

It was the beginning of a new chapter. Their enthusiasm and conscientious attitude helped them reach this milestone in their life. They planned their journey with foresight and awareness, preparing for possible obstacles. They looked to the future confidently. Full of hope, they embarked on this journey with commitment. The distance called them. They longed for a better world and were open to new experiences. They wanted to develop and grow, so that they could safely stand on their own feet and be a support for others besides themself. They had the opportunity to find companions who in return support them, inspire them, and can be of mutual help to each other during their journeys. The child in their heart searched the source of happiness, but in order to find it, they had to face several obstacles. Temporary setbacks dampened their enthusiasm. Willingly or unwillingly, perhaps they attracted the attention of others too much. Curious looks followed their actions;

"Can they rise to the task they have undertaken?" "Will they be able to do it?" Will they succeed or fail?” "Will their Sun ever shine?"

There were times when their momentum broke. They had to think about the direction to go next. They needed to take responsibility for themself and take back control. Perhaps, in the past, they were guided by noble intentions, but perhaps they did not follow the path their soul desired. They had to be honest with themself. They had to listen to their own inner voice, what they really wanted. They had to find their guiding star, which would bring them light in the darkness, and follow it with determination.

But what made it difficult for them was that they were forced to defend themself while searching for the star, and it was difficult for them to let go of this defensive state. It was like everyone was an enemy. They got into a situation where they thought about giving up because of the overburden. Up until now, they had barricaded themself from real or perceived danger for their own protection, but the constant readiness and persistent struggle to protect what they had gained had exhausted them. It was time for them to rest and gather their strength before committing to the next step. Maybe now it is necessary to accept help, accept the support of others, perhaps consider and change their standpoint.

Finally, the time for change was come.

They need to realise what is still present in their life that no longer serves their good. A drastic transformation must take place, all external obstacles or internal barriers must come down. It is necessary to break with habits or beliefs that hold back and limit their development and the achievement of their desired goals, so that they can create a truer, more authentic life for themself, in which their emotions can be fulfilled. The world has shaken around them, but they can use this dramatic change to their advantage. After the destruction, they may be given the opportunity to lay new foundations. A serious, difficult path may lie ahead, but after dealing with the old order and way of thinking, liberation and a fresh start can come, they can create their own kingdom, and achieve the emotional balance and stability that they wanted from the beginning of their journey. For a fresh start and a happy ending, they will need their diplomatic skills, their empathy, their devoted, service-minded character. If they follow their true path, in the future they will be able to maturely and wisely navigate in the deep, rich world of their emotions and become the warm-hearted leader of their empire.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* How is their life like a fairytale: Hierophant, Ten of Swords * What magical qualities do they possess that can help them on their journey: Seven of Cups * What obstacles do they need to overcome to achieve they fairytale ending: Wheel of Fortune, The Moon, Page of Swords, Nine of Swords * What steps can they take to manifest their happily ever after: Three of Wands, Reversed Two of Pentacles

Once upon a time, there once lived a human who once felt like a respected member of a community. They respected its traditions, values ​​and system. They felt safe, they had unconditional trust in those who surrounded them. They believed that this trust, this devotion was mutual between them and the group. In this unity, they felt that they had found something important, not only in the outside world, but also in themself.

But their world, in which they believed unshakably until then, suddenly completely collapsed around them. Life or perhaps their trusted companions betrayed them cruelly, inflicting deep wounds on them that forced them to the ground. They couldn't even move because of the pain. Disappointment, failure, despair consumed all their strength. They saw their situation futureless and hopeless. They needed rest, they needed to gather strength. They had to recover and then try to stand up again so that a new dawn could come in their life. They survived the disaster, but one of the most difficult stages of recovery must have been accepting this severe defeat in order to move on with their life... Rethinking they principles, they had to become open to this life-changing mutuation, adapt to their new situation and its challenges. They had to seize the new opportunities and use this change to their advantage in order to grow and develop.

During the journey ahead of them, their developed sense of reality will be great help for them. They have a very good sense that when they come to a crossroads, they make the right decision for their situation. They will need this talent when the wheel of their destiny leads them to the realm of the Moon, where everything is uncertain in the semidarkness, where terrifying creatures try to distract them from their path. They were destined for more than what they had so far, but in order for this significant change to occur, they had to be patient and open to the unknown.

In this unknown, there would be the chance to face their greatest fears, when they had to listen to their intuitions, their own inner guidance, and would also need an objective examination of their situation in order to overcome them and move persistently forward. They cannot allow themself to be deceived and diverted by the illusion conjured up around them, be it a frightening nightmare or a seductive vision that encourages them to chase unreal dreams.

With their truth-seeking sword, they must cut through the fog of visions and nightmares in order to clearly see who they are, where they are and where they are really going. Their struggle can take a toll on them. It can be a stressful time for them, with anxiety and sleepless nights. In exchange for their freedom, they may have to break the silence, make their voice heard, it is even worth asking for help from someone who has solid knowledge to navigate this swampy realm, who will help them clear their mind of toxic thoughts and set them on a path to find their way out of the oppressive darkness to the land of Peace and Understanding.

They were on the verge of a major breakthrough and transformation. The final decision awaited them. Whether they embark on this difficult journey alone or with support, it is crucial to thoroughly prepare for it, for the difficulties that may arise, and consciously plan their every step in advance, building a strategy. It is important to commit to their goal, but above all to themself.

In addition to preparation, it is also important to strive for balance and take care of both their physical, emotional and mental needs. Success will require juggling with different responsibilities and priorities, but remembering to rest and relax when they need it can prevent them from burning out and sapping their energy.

Although the idyllic, happy picture of the future may still seem distant to them, if they make the decision to go for it and persistently move ahead, the desired harmony and happiness can return to their life again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

* How is their life like a fairytale: Ace of Pentacles, Six of Wands, King of Swords, Nine of Pentacles * What magical qualities do they possess that can help them on their journey: Queen of Swords, Eight of Wands * What obstacles do they need to overcome to achieve they fairytale ending: Five of Cups, Five of Swords * What steps can they take to manifest their happily ever after: Nine of Swords

Far far away, there once lived a pointful, sharp-witted human, who was given the opportunity to create a more fruitful and richer life for themself in the earthly world. This offer was a new beginning to build a durable, secure foundation for their future. They lived up to the invitation, entered the race bravely, and finally won. They proudly accepted their prize and took their rightful place in the empire. They became an intelligent, trustworthy leader who treated their companions fairly and addressed them with honest, clear words. They paid attention to always staying on the ground of reality, consciously handling and creating with their intellectual abilities. Their work has paid off. They created the abundance for themself what they could finally enjoy. They were independent and self-confident.

Their high-flying thoughts, ideas and clairvoyance were always helpful and they used them to advantage in difficult situations. They were understanding with others and helped those who needed advice. In return for their honesty and straightness, they expected the same from their companions. They did not lack fighting spirit, they resolutely defended what was important to them, carried out what they had planned, and stuck to their ideas.

But there are events in life when, unfortunately, no matter how much we want to, we cannot win. Such a painful shock or serious injustice or humiliation befell this person. They felt like they had failed. In the end they secluded to rest after the hard fight, to mourn the loss.

However, when we close ourselves off like this, we don't always see the good in our lives, we don't believe that our fate can change for the better, we can sink into the role of victim. We are filled with sadness and hopelessness. We can get stuck in the belief and emotional world that we are "losers", so we have a hard time realizing that we are still capable of joy and success. Once if they process and are able to let go of what happened, they will get back on their feet to leave behind the heavy grayness and start again towards a happier future.

The beginning of a big change came in their life. In this harrowing period, it is crucial to nourish their body as well as their soul and mental health and take the right quantity and quality of rest. For this, they may have to seek outside help to overcome the obstacles that their own mind has set up.

In addition to rest, engaging in activities that relieve their inner anxiety can help to them to find their way out of the oppressive darkness. It can be any creative, self-expressive activity, where they can put their thoughts into shape, express their feelings, or a form of exercise that suits them and relieves the accumulated inner tension. The goal is recovery and healing, rebuilding the shaken self-confidence.

Walking in nature, gardening, anything that brings peace to their soul can help. It may also happen that they allow a new science into their life, which arouses their interest and brings the zest for life again back to them.

If they learn to move on and let go, if they take care of themself, if they allow their imagination to soar again, if they rekindle the warrior fire in their soul, they can begin to heal and find their way back to the path of happiness.

[strangelittlestories]

It was in the 6th year of the Wars of the Real that the anti-magicians and their Realis project (that all should act in accordance with certain physical laws) were truly challenged. This was due in no small part due to a singular invention from a family of forest witches.

Their discovery was as ingenious as it was stupid. And it radically changed what a disparate collective was able to accomplish in the face of both overwhelming force and abstract certainty.

It also caused a truly historic amount of epic shitfuckery.

From “I Fought the Spore and the Spore Won: a history of Realis and Resistance”

- - -

“So, you’re the new recruit, huh?” The woman who spoke wore strange armour that looked like it had been grown out of wood. The helmet alone glinted with metal spikes.

“I … uh, I guess? Sorry, I’m kinda new to this whole ‘magical kingdom’ deal you’ve got going on here…” The recruit in question was wearing dull red overalls and a ‘what-the-fuck’ expression.

“No worries, kid. We put out a multiversal call for aid - so anybody with a latent magical destiny or a strong subconscious hero fantasy got pulled in. Very much a ‘To Whom It May Concern’ type of spell.” 

She patted him on the shoulder. Up close he could see that the spikes on her helmet were actually the shards of a broken crown.

“So, uh, do I get any kind of training?”

“You already did, buddy. The spell should’ve planted a ‘potential seed’ inside you. When you’re exposed to trauma, then just in the nick of time it’ll suddenly sprout into the skills you need to survive. Very dramatic.” She paused for a second. “Or you’ll die. Also very dramatic.”

“So … either I’ll be awesome or I’ll die?”

“Well, you would die … unless you have one of these.” She threw him a small vial. He fumbled the catch, but grabbed it on the second try. Inside the vial swirled a glowing grey-green mist. “You catch a mortal wound, drink it. Or smash it on the injury. The fungus inside will patch you up.”

“Fungus?” The man was a pretty even split of horrified and fascinated. He simultaneously wanted to throw the vial away like poison, or guzzle it like forbidden candy.

“Yeah, you ever hear of ‘ophiocordyceps unilateralis’?”

“The weird zombie ant mushroom? Yeah, I saw it on a documentary!”

“Well, a family of witch-mycologists - real wyrd scientist types - they brewed up this variant in their forest. They turned it from a parasite to a symbiote. If it knows who you are, it’ll heal your wounds, get your heart pumping, even move your limbs for you.”

“How do I get it to know who I am?”

“You feed it.” She grinned ghoulishly. “Chuck in some hair, some blood, whatever bits of you are going spare. Anything to sync it up to your DNA. Think of it as your very own cannibal sourdough starter.”

“And people actually use this?”

“Oh yeah. Folks swear by the stuff. They even had an argument over what nickname it should have. The winner was the truly cursed phrase ‘resurrection juice’.”

“...really?”

“Oh yeah. The juice brigade are pretty smug it caught on. Some smart alec tried to give it a mushroom name, but they got one-upped by the juice thing.”

“I’m not sure I’m a fan of sharing my body with a fungus.” He tried to find the right words to articulate the niggling philosophical nuances of the idea and failed. “It feels like, I dunno, a bad idea?”

“Oh, it’s a terrible idea. A real crock of stupid. Pure idiot-fuel. But sometimes, when the world’s against you, the truly bad idea is the only one you have.”

“But, I mean, once the fungus takes over … would I still even be me?” The urge to gobble up the taboo canape had begun to be edged out by the existential dread.

“Look at it this way: you’d be mushroom food anyways, right? Why not let it be mushrooms who think they’re you? I think it’s kinda comforting that when the time comes, I can just relax and let fungus take the wheel.”

The man paused for a second, pondering the nature of life, decay, and resurrection.

“Anyways, they’ll be summoning the portal to pipe us out on our first mission soon. So best get ready.” The princess (for that’s what she was) thought for a second, then asked: “By the way … what did you do before you got sucked up into this particular asscrack, anyhow?”

The man gulped.

“I was a plumber.” He said.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Austin Grossman’s ‘Fight Me’

On July 14, I'm giving the closing keynote for the fifteenth HACKERS ON PLANET EARTH, in QUEENS, NY. Happy Bastille Day! On July 20, I'm appearing in CHICAGO at Exile in Bookville.

In Fight Me, the novelist and game developer Austin Grossman uses aging ex-teen superheroes to weigh the legacy of Generation X, in a work that enrobes its savage critique with sweet melancholia, all under a coating of delicious snark:

http://www.austingrossman.com/fight-me

It is, in other words, a very Gen X kinda novel. Prodigy (AKA Alex Beekman) is a washed-up superhero. As a nerdy high-schooler, he was given super powers by a mysterious wizard (posing as a mediocre teacher), who gave him an amulet and a duty. Whenever Alex touches the amulet and speaks the word of power, reaclun (which he insists is not "nuclear" backwards) he transforms into Prodigy, a nigh-invulnerable, outrageously handsome living god who is impervious to bullets, runs a one-minute mile, and fights like a champ. Prodigy, he is told, has a destiny: to fight the ultimate evil when it emerges and save the world.

Now, Alex is 40, and it's been a decade since he retired both Prodigy and his Alex identity, moving into a kind of witness protection program the federal government set up for him. He poses as a mediocre university professor, living a lonely and unexceptional life.

But then, Alex is summoned back to the superhero lair he shared with his old squad, "The Newcomers," a long-vacant building that is one quarter Eero Saarinen, three quarters Mussolini. There, he is reunited with his estranged fellow ex-Newcomers, and sent on a new quest: to solve the riddle of the murder of the mysterious wizard who gave him his powers, so long ago.

The Newcomers – an amped-up ninja warrior, a supergenius whose future self keeps sending him encouragement and technical schematics backwards through time, and an exiled magical princess turned preppie supermodel – have spent more than a decade scattered to the winds. While some have fared better than Alex/Prodigy, none of them have lived up to their potential or realized the dreams that seemed so inevitable when they were world famous supers with an entourage of fellow powered teens who worshipped them as the planet's greatest heroes.

As they set out to solve the mystery, they are reunited and must take stock of who they are and how they got there (cue Talking Heads' "Once In a Lifetime"). With flashbacks, flashforwards, and often hilarious asides, Prodigy brings us up to speed on how supers fail, and what it's like to live as a failed super.

The publisher's strapline for this book is "The Avengers Meets the Breakfast Club," which is clever, but extremely wrong. The real comp for this book isn't "The Breakfast Club," it's "The Big Chill."

When I realized this, I got briefly mad, because I've only had two good movie high concept pitches in my life and one of them was "Gen X Big Chill." Rather than veterans of the Summer of 68 confronting the Reagan years, you could have veterans of the Battle of Seattle living through the Trump years. One would be on PeEP, one would be an insufferable Andrew Tate-quoting bitcoiner, one would be a redpilled reactionary with a genderqueer teen, one would be a squishy lib, one a firebreathing leftist, etc. The soundtrack would just be top 40 tracks from artists who have songs on "Schoolhouse Rock Rocks":

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schoolhouse_Rock!_Rocks

Every generation has some way in which they seek to overthrow the status quo and build a new, allegedly better one, after all. "Big Chill"'s impact comes from its postmortem on a generation where it was easy to feel like you were riding destiny's rails to greatness thanks to the sheer size of the Boomer cohort and the postwar prosperity they lived through. A Gen X Big Chill would be a stocktaking of a generation that defined itself as a lost generation reared in the Boomers' shadows, armored against the looming corpo-climate apocalypse with the sword of irony and the shield of sincerity.

Which is basically what Grossman is doing here. What's more, doing this as a superhero story is a genius move – what could be a better metaphor for a teen's unrealistic certainty of destined greatness than a superhero? Superhero fantasies are irreducibly grandiose and unrealistic, but all the more beautiful and brave and compelling for it.

You know, like teens.

At 52, I'm a middle-aged Gen Xer. I've got two artificial hips and I just scheduled a double cataract surgery. My hairline is receding. I'm an alta kaker. But I wasn't always: I was a bright and promising kid, usually the youngest person in the room where we were planning big protests, ambitious digital art projects, or the future of science fiction. I had amazing friends: creative and funny and sweet, loyal and talented and just fun.

We're mostly doing okay (the ones that lived; fuck cancer and fuck heroin and fuck fentanyl). Some of us are doing pretty good. On a good day, I think I'm doing pretty good. I had a night in 2018 where I got to hang out, as a peer, with my favorite musician and my favorite novelist, both in the same evening. These were artists I'd all but worshipped as a teen. I remember looking at the two selfies I took than night and thinking, Man, if 15 year old me could see these, he'd say that it all worked out.

But you don't get to be 52 without having a long list of regrets and failures that your stupid brain is only too eager to show you a highlight reel from. No one gets to middle age without a haunting loss that is always trying to push its way to the fore in order to incinerate every triumph great and small and leave ashes behind.

That's why there's a "Big Chill" for every generation. Each one has its own specific character and meaning situated in history, but each one has to grapple with the double-edged sword of nostalgia. Not for nothing, John Hodgman (a bona fide Gen X icon) calls nostalgia "a toxic impulse."

Grossman really makes Fight Me work as a Gen X Big Chill. He's a great Gen X writer; his first novel, Soon I Will Be Invincible, was a knockout debut about superheroes and supervillains that had a very "The Boys" vibe, you know, that neat little move where you contend with the banal parts of a super's life and show how super powers don't make you a good person, or even a competent one.

His followup to Invincible came six years later. YOU is a coming-of-age story about the games industry with a second-person narrator (think "Zork"). Grossman is an accomplished game dev (Tomb Raider Legend, Deus X, Dishonored, etc), and he uses YOU to really plumb the depths of what games mean, what fun is, and how working on games isn't just work, it's often really shitty work, the opposite of fun:

https://memex.craphound.com/2013/04/16/austin-grossmans-you-brilliant-novel-plumbs-the-heroic-and-mystical-depths-of-gaming-and-simulation/

Grossman's last novel was Crooked, a very daffy alternate history in which Richard Nixon is a Cthulhoid sorcerer locked in a Lovecraftian battle of good and evil. This is a purely hilarious romp, wildly imaginative and deliciously certain to offend reactionary jerks:

https://memex.craphound.com/2015/08/26/austin-grossmans-crooked-the-awful-cthulhoid-truth-about-richard-nixon/

All those chops are on display in Fight Me: a book that covers its brooding with wisecracks, that spits out ten great gags per page even as it drives a knife into your heart. It's a great novel.

Fight Me doesn't come out in the US and Canada until tomorrow (it's been out in the UK, Australia, NZ, etc for more than a month). Normally, I would hold off on reviewing this until the on-sale date, but this is my last day on the blog for two weeks – I'm leaving on a family vacation early tomorrow morning. I'll see you on July 14!

Support me this summer on the Clarion Write-A-Thon and help raise money for the Clarion Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers' Workshop!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/07/01/the-big-genx-chill/#im-super-thanks-for-asking

[cinnaleaf]

ESSENCE OF US - CH 6: IN LIMBO*

Please read responsibly. This fic will get hot and heavy as the story progresses, 18+ only MDNI | READ CH 5 | MASTERLIST | READ CH 7 [soon]

summary: a fleeting encounter with a mysterious Trent leaves you wondering if fate is playing a bigger match. your paths continue to cross in unexpected places as the fragrances around you mirror the growing tension between you. maybe it's just a coincidence..or maybe its destiny in the making.

warnings: ANGSTY, SMUT, unprotected sex, language, intense anxiety genre: angst, fluff, slow(ish) burn romance wc: ~7.6k a/n: L'Équilibre Caché means hidden balance

A couple of months passed since you and Trent made things official. You weren’t sure how time flew by so quickly, but it felt right. In the beginning, you were inseparable; always at his house or your apartment, grabbing late night eats, or waking up to the best cuddles and lazy kisses. However, recently things slowed down. Life happened. Trent was busy with football, and you were buried deep in preparation for your perfume launch. It was taking longer than you anticipated, thanks to a very handsome distraction. 

You glanced around Les Notes d’Amour, inhaling the mix of floral, citrus, and spice elements that lingered in the air. The launch was still a few months away, but your nerves were starting to creep in because nothing felt solid yet. As much as you hated to admit it, this was your most personal creation and you didn’t want to mess it up. You sat at the counter with your lavender notebook open, absentmindedly scribbling ideas for any new scents you could add as you watched a live interview of Trent on your phone. God, he looked so good. How could someone look so sexy post match? You continued scribbling and jotting down ideas on different pages for inspiration. One page was blank, except for a small doodle of a solar eclipse in the corner with a sentence written that said ‘I want you for as long as the stars shine’, but you didn’t notice it as you flipped past since you were too occupied by how good he looked on your screen. Seeing his smile always gave you butterflies, even if it was just on a phone screen. 

“Mate, I gotta ask..” the interviewer said, leaning forward. “what aftershave are you wearing? You smell amazing.”

You froze, the pen dropping against the notebook paper immediately. 

Oh, shit. Please don’t.

Trent grinned, clearly enthralled by the compliment as he reached in his jacket. “Ahh, this? It's custom..one of a kind actually. Made just for me by my gi–umm… someone close.”

No, no, no. He almost said girlfriend, there’s no way no one caught that.

“It's called Rêveur,” he said, pulling out the bottle and holding it up for the camera. He tried to be subtle, he really did, but he failed miserably—like always. He turned the bottle in an attempt to hide the logo, but in his excitement he twisted it back to reveal the full label: Rêveur by Les Notes d’Amour. Y/N L/N.

Fuuuuuuuck. 

You felt your stomach drop. This was it. The final puzzle piece the media needed to confirm you were his girlfriend. The suspicions were already there of course, but there wasn’t a clear and definite answer until now. Your phone started going off immediately as banners popped up at the top of your screen. Emails, notifications, messages, website inquiries. You stared at the screen while the interviewer looked at the bottle with curious eyes. Trent was completely clueless about leaking the label. He stood there with the biggest smile on his face, going on about how special it was and how much he loved it. It would’ve been a cute moment if it weren’t for the logo being caught on screen in 4k quality. You grabbed your phone, frantically texting him as your fingers moved at the speed of light.

WTF??? LOGO ON SCREEN!! YOU HAD ONE JOB

You sat there, fumbling back and forth between the live interview and your texts as you waited for his response. There was no way he was going to see your text while he was on camera, but it was worth a shot. Your anxiety started creeping in like an iron grip. Both of you were trying so hard to keep things lowkey, and he just tossed your name out there like it was nothing. You swiped back to your texts, adding another message as your fingers typed furiously. There was no way out of this anymore, it was done. Fully revealed.

?????? YOU JUST OUTED US LIVE ON TV

Everything was blowing up, everyone had seen your name. “Fucking fantastic,” you muttered under your breath as you flipped your phone face down on the counter. “This is going to be a disaster.” 

The door chimed about an hour later with a group of teenagers barging in, extremely loud and voices filled with energy. They couldn’t have been older than sixteen. You immediately felt your blood pressure rise when you saw them eyeing the fragrances and giggling. 

“Aye, is this the place that made Trent’s aftershave?” one of the boys asked, already making his way to the shelves to pick up a tester fragrance that was definitely not Rêveur. You never planned on selling it. It was supposed to be something special—something just for Trent.

“Yeah bro, it’s gotta be,” his friend answered, spraying half of a tester bottle in the air. The sweet, musky scent of tonka bean and coconut filled the room instantly as you saw him juggling the bottle so carelessly. 

“Be careful with that!” you called out, stepping forward just as the bottle slipped from his hands and shattered on the floor. The scent of coconut and tonka bean flooded the room and you felt your chest tighten. 

Fucking perfect.

One of the girls snickered. “Oops, sorrrrryyyy” she said, though it was clear she really didn’t give a fuck. You forced a smile but internally, you were screaming.

Get out, get out, get out.

“Is Trent your boyfriend or somethin’?” another boy asked, picking up another bottle and spraying it into the air. “That’s ace.”

No, not ace. Stressful. Stressful as hell, actually. 

After what felt like an eternity, they finally left, slamming the door behind them in a fit of giggles as you tried to clean up the mess. There was an overwhelming scent of tonka bean and coconut which was starting to make your head pound. You barely had time to breathe before the next customer walked in. The woman was in her mid-fifties with a stiff bob, you know the one. She immediately stormed up to the counter with a sense of entitlement and you knew exactly what was coming next. 

“Excuse me,” she said, dripping with impatience. “I’ve been calling for over an hour and no one has answered. Give me that aftershave everyone’s talking about. I need it for my husband. The one Trent Alexander-Arnold mentioned on the telly.”

Your headache intensified immediately. “Sorry ma’am, it’s not for sale,” you replied, trying to stay polite as possible. You knew this lady was going to be the most annoying person ever and you weren’t in the mood for it. At all. “Not for sale?” She blinked, clearly offended. “That’s ridiculous. Who would make something, advertise it, and not sell it? What about the customer experience? That’s just bad business.” You took a deep breath, gripping the counter to steady yourself. “It’s custom. It’s not available to the public.”

“Well that’s poor planning, isn’t it?” she snapped. “What kind of business is this? I want to speak to the manager.”

Lady, I AM the manager. Fuck off. Just LEAVE. 

You took a deep breath before responding, “I own the place. The aftershave isn’t for sale..sorry.” After hearing a long spiel about how terrible your business model was, she finally left after muttering something about never coming back. Thank god. You exhaled, rubbing your hands against your aching temples. 

Fuck, I need a paracetamol. 

But of course, the universe was not on your side today. The door chimed again, this time it was an American tourist in head to toe designer. You immediately cringed seeing the abundance of huge branded logos clashing against each other: Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Fendi and Prada all in one outfit? Jesus, did she hop on a plane right after visiting Rodeo Drive? “Ohmygawd, is this where Trent got his cologne?!” she exclaimed, her valley girl accent was unmistakable. She had to be from California. Behind her, her bored looking boyfriend leaned against a display, not interested in the slightest.

Ugh. Here we go again.

“I like, really need to get it for my boyfriend,” she continued, her voice in complete vocal fry. “Do you guys have it?”

“It’s not for sale, sorry,” you replied, trying to maintain your composure. Her face fell as she flipped her blonde hair back dramatically with a pout. “Ugh, seriously?? I totally would’ve bought like five bottles. I bet it smells soooo good.”

“Babe, can we go? I wanna hit the pub before they close.” her boyfriend asked, lazily scrolling through his phone. After a few more whiny complaints, she finally left and dragged her very disinterested boyfriend behind her. You were standing in the middle of the shop as the scent of coconut and tonka bean lingered in the air, your nerves fried and head pounding so hard it was starting to make you feel nauseous and dizzy. Customers poured in all day begging for ‘The Trent Scent’. That’s what they were calling it now instead of Rêveur. It had officially gone viral.

You closed your eyes once people stopped shuffling in, trying to give yourself a few minutes of peace from the overwhelming scent and incessant ringing. But of course, the universe had other ideas. Your phone rang and as soon as you glanced at the screen, your stomach twisted immediately–Mum.

Fucking hell. Out of all days?

You debated not answering, but you knew she would keep calling until you did. This wasn’t going to be a casual check-in, and you definitely didn’t have the energy for a follow up interrogation later on. It was best to get it over with now. You sighed, swiping to accept the call.

“Hi Mum.”

“Y/N! We were just talking about you!” Your mother’s voice was overly cheery, which meant she was about to start going on a long winded spiel about how proud she was—of the wrong things. “That’s...great,” you replied, already feeling a cloud of exhaustion sit over you. “Your dad and I just saw that interview with the footballer, Trent,” she continued, completely skipping over the fact that she didn’t even ask you how you were. “It’s wonderful you’re making such good connections. He’s very successful Y/N. Exactly what you need in your life.” You pressed your lips together, fighting your instinct to hang up right then and there. Of course that’s all she cared about. “Yeah…” you said vaguely, not wanting to get into the nitty gritty details. You weren’t going to tell your parents you were on the verge of a breakdown or that you were struggling to keep it together. They wouldn’t understand. They never did. 

“You’re really making something of yourself now,” your dad chimed in, they must’ve had you on speaker. “I always knew you could do it. You’re finally setting a proper example for your brother and sister.”Ah, yes. That constant reminder. The example you were supposed to be setting. A perfect, polished version of yourself that never existed. They wanted you to be perfect so badly that they were willing to go to extremes. It was never about you; it was always about how you looked to everyone else, even your younger siblings. Your chest tightened at the thought of your brother and sister. You loved them more than anything. They were the only reason you still kept in touch with your parents at all. But this constant pressure to be perfect and be their shining trophy was suffocating you.

I really need a holiday, you thought to yourself. 

“Mum..Dad…” You took a deep breath, trying to keep your voice from trembling. “I’ve been really busy with work, it’s been... a lot.”

“We’re so proud of you,” your mom chimed in next. “We always knew you could achieve good things. With Trent you’ll go even further! It’s important to have a man like him supporting you. You lucked out with that one.”

Lucked out?? How am I related to these people?

Your grip tightened on the phone. This happened every time. They didn’t care about you. They only cared about what Trent’s success could do for their image of you. An image you were struggling to mirror. An image that was threatening to crack.

“I–I’m not with him because of his career,” you muttered. But of course, they didn’t hear you over their vain voices. “Ezzie and Ziggy really look up to you, Y/N. This is exactly the type of relationship they should see. A real power couple. Now they know what success looks like” your dad added. That comment stung in more ways than one. Your parents usually spoke about your siblings by using their actual names–Esme and Isaac. You gave them the nicknames Ezzie and Ziggy because they were twins, plus, their nicknames sounded a lot cuter than Esme and Isaac. You were the only person who called them that–you had a myriad of nicknames for them, but your parents only used those nicknames when they wanted to get under your skin. It was used it as a manipulation tactic, a way to say ‘Hey, don’t fuck this up this time. They look up to you’. It made your skin crawl, each word they spoke felt like a punch to the gut. They didn’t care if you were happy, if you were stressed beyond belief, or if you even wanted that type of attention. All they saw was status and an image of success that they could parade around to the world. Pressure began building in your chest which made it harder to breathe. Your voice came out strained, desperate to end the call. “I have to go. Still working.”

“Oh, of course,” your mum said in a light tone, completely unaware that you were on the verge of an anxiety attack. “We’re so thrilled. We always knew what you were capable of.”

“Um, y–yeah. Bye, talk later.”

You hung up before they could say anything else. Your hands started shaking as soon as you set the phone down. The shop was silent but the lights felt bright suddenly, the tonka bean and coconut scent in the air made you feel physically ill. The weight of their words was crushing you and pressing down on your chest until it felt like you couldn’t breathe. Your vision blurred as tears welled up in your eyes. You didn’t want to let yourself break and tried to blink the tears back. The tightness in your chest wouldn’t let up. It felt like the soft, creme colored walls were threatening to close in on you. The weight of their expectations, the pressure to be perfect..it was suffocating you from the inside out.

I’m not enough. I’m never enough. Why can’t I just be me? 

You squeezed your temples as the throbbing in your head from the spilled perfume pulsed in time with your heartbeat. The heavy scent of coconut and tonka bean was suffocatingly sweet, squeezing you. Your mind kept whispering, negative words echoing like the cruellest reminder that you would never be good enough. You pressed a hand against your forehead, trying to ease the pounding but it got worse. Tears streamed down your face before you could stop them, spilling over as thoughts settled on you like the world’s largest boulder.

E and Z still think I’m the only person in this world who has it together. I have to keep it together. For them.

You couldn’t stand the idea of failing them. They were one of the few people who saw you for who you really were. The twins were the first two people to believe in you even when you didn’t believe in yourself. They tested every scent you made, bragging to all their friends about how their sister was the best in the industry.

Ziggy’s face flashed in your mind. He was always smiling. It was the same infectious grin that reminded you so much of Trent. He had the same confidence as him, walking onto a pitch like he owned it despite only being fifteen. He was so protective over you and Ezzie. He played with his heart on his sleeve, always the first to support his teammates just like Trent. And then there was Ezzie. She was sharp, stylish, and always quick with a comeback. She had an arsenal of them ready to go at any time. She looked like a mini version of you, but acted just like Camille. She had the same fiery spark, and the confidence to walk in a room and own it; all while dressed in the latest fashion trends. She never missed a beat and was always ready to roll her eyes at the world and give you tips on how things should be done. She was a little diva. You admired her but could never quite match her wit. Although beneath all her sass, she had the biggest heart. 

The twins were your heart, your compass when you were lost in a sea of thoughts. 

Ezzie would tell me to stop being dramatic and ‘lock it up’ like Camille, you thought. The tears were still streaming down your face. 

“I can’t let them down,” you whispered.

You made your way to the back of the shop, each step felt heavier and it was getting harder to focus on anything other than the sharp, dizzying pain in your head. You couldn’t think straight with the wave of panic rising inside of you. As you stumbled to the back you started thinking about Trent.

What’s he going to think when he finds out I can’t handle this? He’s not going to want me anymore.

You were feeling lightheaded; it felt like you were floating outside your own body...like you were watching everything happen from a distance. You were here but not really here. Your mind was trying to escape the suffocating pressure wrapping around you. You gripped the counter for support when you made it to the back room. The room felt like it was spinning and your breathing was fast and shallow.

He needs someone who can handle the pressure of being with him..I’m failing him..and everyone.

You saw Trent’s smiling face in the back of your head. Something that made you feel butterflies a few moments ago was now making you feel like you were burning alive.

Maybe this is a sign. Maybe I misread everything about us. I should’ve seen this coming.

Your heart raced, vision tunneled; all you could do was stand there, frozen in place and unable to think past the storm within you. Just when you felt like you may pass out, the door to the shop opened again but you barely registered the sound of the bell in your dissociative haze. Camille’s voice cut through the storm, “Y/N?! why aren’t you answ–”

You blinked and tried to focus, but the room was still spinning and it took every ounce of effort just to turn around and face her. She took one look at you and immediately crossed the room toward you.

“Hun...what’s going on?” her voice was soft yet firm as she reached to steady you. “You have to calm down.” You tried to speak and tell her you were fine but your words wouldn’t come out. All you could do was shake your head while tears started streaming down your face again. Camille wouldn’t let you push her away, you tried before early in your friendship as an act of self-sabotage and failed. She led you to the nearest chair and guided you to sit. “Y/N, please breathe. Slow, deep breaths. In. Out. Okay?”

You were trying to follow her instructions but each breath felt forced. Your chest was burning but eventually Camille’s presence grounded you and the world came back into focus. “I love you,” she said, handing you a bottle of water. “but you can't keep doing this to yourself. You’re going to burn out.” You swallowed hard, shaking your head. “I’m fine. I just need a minute,” you croaked. Camille let out a long sigh, “No, you’re not fine. You need help. You can’t keep doing this all by yourself and you know it. You’re stressed.” You wanted to argue that you could handle it but the words died before you could get them out. In actuality, you didn’t know how much longer you could keep going like this. The added pressure of being perfect, the public eye now on you, and a booming business felt like too much at once. Self-sabotage was inevitable, and that was the one thing you were confident you could accomplish with absolute perfection. “I...I can’t hire someone Camille. I can’t. This is the only thing I have control over in my life. It’s mine..” you whispered. Camille shook her head, her expression was soft but serious. “Y/N, you cannot control everything and I need you to realize that. You can’t run this place alone. You’re going to run yourself into the ground, and then what?? What’s left after, huh?” You didn’t respond, you just stared down at the floor, fumbling with the water bottle cap as you twisted the cap around the mouth of the bottle. The thought of letting someone else in and letting go of that last bit of control terrified you after what happened the last time. You already lost so much today. Your privacy...your peace. The shop was the only thing you felt like you had left. Something of your own that could never leave you. “Look..I know you hate it,” Camille countered, as if she was reading your mind. “This shit isn’t sustainable though. You need help whether you like it or not.”

“I can’t,” you whispered. “I really can’t.” Camille’s hand squeezed your shoulder gently. “You don’t have to do it alone, Y/N. You’re going to wear yourself thin and have nothing left to give. I can’t let you go out like that, girl. Even Beyoncé has a team.” Her words pondered over you, a small chuckle escaped from your lips when she mentioned Beyoncé. Deep down you knew she was right, but the fear of letting go still had a hold on you.

“Please” Camille uttered softly. “Let someone help you. I’ll help you look, yeah? I’ll ask my dad if he knows anyone.” Your heart clenched when you heard her and you shook your head quickly. “Camille, no. I can’t let you do that. You’ve already done so much for me. I owe you everything. I can’t–” She cut you off with a gentle laugh. “Y/N, please shut up. You don’t owe me anything. That’s what besties are for, right? You hold me up when I’m down, I got you when you’re down. You’ll never walk alone as long as I'm alive. Never.”

Her words hit you hard as the sincerity of her voice broke through the walls that were suffocating you. “I..um, I’ll think about it,” you whispered in a shaky voice. Camille smiled, pulling you into a hug. “That’s all I’m asking. You don't have to make a decision right now...just let me know. We’ll figure it out later. I got you.” You nodded into Camille’s shoulder but the pounding in your head refused to stop. You pulled away, wincing from the bright lights on the ceiling. “Please tell me you have something for a headache in your bag. My head is fucking killing me ever since those teens smashed L’Équilibre Caché on the floor earlier.” Camille raised an eyebrow, fishing around in her purse. “Oh god…teenagers?”

“Yeahhh,” you groaned, pressing your hand on your forehead. “They came in..sprayed everything, and then one of them dropped it. I never want to smell tonka beans or coconut ever again.” Camille snorted, pulling out a pill and handing it over. “That’s exactly why I never want kids. Absolute chaos and they’re not tidy at all. Ew. Not for me.” You laughed before swallowing the pill down with water. “Today was a disaster. People kept asking for the aftershave I made Trent after I said it wasn’t for sale over and over. Everyone was so fucking rude about it.”

Camille laughed, shaking her head. “And that is exactly why you need help. Let someone else deal with telling people ‘we don’t have that, it’s a custom blend’ a million times a day.”

Trent sat on the plane, headphones on, iPad playing a show he found on Netflix. He was attempting to wind down after the match and leaned his head back against the seat, half listening to the show on his iPad while scrolling mindlessly through his phone until he saw a text from you. His stomach dropped as he sat up in the seat. Both texts hit him like a punch.

Y/N 🌙: WTF? LOGO ON SCREEN!! YOU HAD ONE JOB

Y/N 🌙: ?????? YOU JUST OUTED US LIVE ON TV

His heart pounded as he thought about the interview in his head, trying to piece together what he did wrong. He replayed the interview on his iPad, dread hitting him instantly when he realized he held up the bottle with the logo in full view. He was trying to be careful and keep the logo hidden, but he didn’t. He knew you hated the spotlight. You were always so careful about keeping things between you private and you didn’t want the media to twist your relationship into something it wasn’t. Because of his mistake, you were thrust right into the middle of the lights you wanted to avoid at all costs. Trent rubbed his face with both hands as guilt plagued him. He should’ve been more careful. He knew better than to bring the bottle out in the first place but he was just so excited. He was so caught up in the moment, proud of the scent you created for him, and the meaning behind it. He wanted to show you off so bad, he wanted the world to see how amazing you were despite your bashfulness. Most of all, he wanted you to see yourself in the same light. But because of his excitement, he gave the media and internet sleuths the final piece they needed for their puzzle. He glanced out the window of the plane as the night sky stretched beyond the wing. His teammates were joking and talking around him but all he could think about was you.

I fucked up. I really fucked up.

Your panicked texts replayed over in his mind.

I should’ve been more careful. What was I thinking?

He closed his eyes, leaning back in the seat as he turned some music on in his headphones to drown out the laughter surrounding him on the plane. All he was thinking about is how you were feeling right now. He wished he would have seen your texts sooner. He knew you were probably overwhelmed and panicking about what was going to happen next. He had grown to know your anxiety but didn’t quite know the full extent of it just yet. He knew how much the public eye weighed on you and he just added to that burden.

She didn’t want this and I did it anyway. Fuck..I’m going to lose her.

The rest of the flight home felt like it lasted forever. Every thought in his mind was of you. Would this push you away? Did you even want to be with him after this slip up? Trent clenched his jaw, desperately trying to figure out how he could make this right. The more he thought about it, the more helpless he felt. The interview wasn’t something he could undo. It was a permanent reminder that he hurt you inadvertently. He never wanted you to feel exposed or unsafe because of him.

As the plane descended, he pulled his phone out and stared at the screen. He wanted to call you and apologize. He wanted to explain that it wasn’t intentional, but he didn’t even know if you wanted to talk to him right now. He had no idea you were falling apart back at Les Notes d’Amour. He thought you were still trying to process everything.

I have to fix this. I need her to know I’m sorry. I can’t lose her. I love her.

What if an apology wasn’t enough, though? What if this pushed you too far? The thought of it made his chest tighten and all he could do was sit as he waited for the plane to land. Guilt was suffocating him and he needed to see you. Both of you were so busy and he missed you so much that he could hardly focus on the pitch earlier.

I need to see her but I don’t know what to do.

Trent found himself pacing in his living room after he got home. He was staring at his phone and contemplating his next move like a game of chess. Apologizing was the obvious thing to do, but how was he supposed to fix this? You weren’t like any other girls he dated who wanted to be appreciated with showy gestures, expensive gifts, or extravagant holidays. You weren’t impressed by material things because you could just buy it yourself. You had your own money, your own success, and your own life. How was he supposed to fix things with someone who didn’t need him to save the day? For the first time, he didn’t know what to do to make it right. He called the one person he knew would have the perfect answer: His mum.

“Trent, everything alright? How was the match?” Diane’s voice brought him a sense of comfort but it wasn’t enough to ease the uncertainty swirling around him.

“Mum, I messed up” he said, running a hand over the back of his neck.

“What happened sweetie?”

Trent sighed and he sank into the couch. He explained how he accidentally exposed you during the live interview and how you were probably spiralling from the pressure. His mum listened quietly. She didn’t know who you were, really. They never had the conversation until now.

“And this girl?” Diane began slowly. “Tell me about her.”

“Mum, she created your favorite perfume. But she sold it to a fragrance house so her name wouldn’t be attached to it.”

Diane laughed softly. “And you didn’t think to mention her all this time?”

“I dunno Mum. It wasn’t exactly planned, y’know?” Trent began to talk about you, feeling the tension in his chest ease. He told her about the fateful encounters and how you met by chance, again and again. He told her about how it felt like his own romance movie was being written right before his eyes; he felt like the universe was putting you in front of him for a reason. It scared him, but he knew. “I’m in love with her,” he admitted. “Never felt this way about anyone before. She’s special.” There was silence on the line for a moment and Trent wondered if he said too much.

“You sound very serious about her.”

“I am,” he said. “That’s why I've got no clue what to do. Any other girl, I can just buy something nice and apologize that way.. but she’s not like that. She doesn’t really need anything from me.” His mum was quiet for a little while before her voice softened. “Maybe she doesn’t need you to buy anything. Maybe she just wants to know you’re there. She sounds like a very sweet girl.”

“Yeah…I don’t want to lose her.”

“Then don’t.” Diane said simply. “Be the person she can lean on. She probably just needs your support and understanding.”

Trent stared at his phone as his mother’s words swirled around his mind. He needed to fix this, he needed to talk to you. He needed to do something. But every time his finger hovered over your name in his contacts, doubt washed over him. He was usually so confident. What if you weren’t ready to hear from him? What if you hated him now? Finally, he took a deep breath and rang you, his heart pounding every passing second as the phone rang. 

No answer.

She hates me. 

He frowned, trying to call again but it went to voicemail. “Hey, it’s me. I’m sorry about earlier, Y/N. I didn’t mean for it to happen like that. Just...just call me back please.” He slumped back on the couch, staring at the phone as if you were going to call him back immediately, but nothing came.

She’s probably fuming. She always answers when I call. Fuck.

He didn’t know you weren’t actually avoiding him. You were asleep, completely knackered from the day’s emotional rollercoaster. You were tucked away in one of the few places that was a safe space for you–Camille’s family’s house. If you could call it that. It wasn’t really a home, moreso an estate. It was an architectural masterpiece that made you feel like you were in a château. The estate had sprawling grounds and manicured lawns with fountains that glimmered in the moonlight. The home was white with glass windows that stretched floor to ceiling which offered a panoramic view of the garden. It was the kind of home that showed the world just how powerful and connected Camille’s family was. No one would bother you there. There were immaculately polished marble floors, chandeliers and plush furniture that was custom and handmade. You came here plenty of times, but every time you were there, the sheer scale of the home took your breath away. It was a world away from all the chaos you experienced earlier in the day. You could always flee here and just breathe. Camille and her family opened you with welcome arms every time, insisting it was your home too. Tonight, you were thankful for their support. You needed a space that would allow you to collapse and let go. Just to dream for a little while.

Downstairs, Camille was talking to her dad in his office. The room was lined with bookshelves and decorated with fine art which was a reflection of her family’s intellect. “I’m worried about her,” Camille said, glancing up at her dad. “She really needs help...”

“I have a friend who can help,” her dad said matter-of-factly, scrolling through his phone as he reviewed names. “Wouldn’t take much to get them on board.” Camille sighed as her eyes flickered to the grand bookshelves lining the office. “Yeah..but I don’t want to push her. I don’t think she’s ready yet. I just don’t want to scare her off by making decisions for her, y’know?” Her dad looked up, raising an eyebrow. “Not about making decisions for her. Y/N just needs support and you know that. She’ll come around, give her time.” Camille nodded but she felt helpless in the moment. She wanted to fix this for you and solve everything like she did in the past, but she knew you needed to feel like you were in control.

Upstairs, you were swaddled in a blanket where nothing was expected of you. Camille’s family always made you feel welcome. Her parents were completely different from yours, always loving, generous and supportive of everything she did—everything you did too. 

You were still in uni when you and Camille met, and although you crossed paths before, you didn’t really know each other that well. She was popular and confident, her life always seemed to be perfectly together. You admired her from afar..until one day.

You found out a guy you were seeing wasn’t just seeing you, he was dating Camille too. The initial shock of the situation had you fuming and you didn’t know what to do. Should you confront him or just let it go? Camille didn’t seem like the kind of girl who would be in this type of situation at all. The stars in the sky had other plans, though. Camille was the one to approach you first, her voice calm but fierce. You didn’t know what to expect. Maybe an argument or confrontation? Instead, she laid it all out and was ready to take him down. She was a girl’s girl through and through. 

“So, what are we gonna do about this blockheaded asshole?” she asked, eyes blazing.

Something clicked between the two of you from that point on. You didn’t turn against each other like the guy probably expected. You confronted him, standing side by side as you teared into him about his lies. He never saw the force of two determined women coming his way. There was no turning back after that. You thought Camille had it all together, but she had been hurt just like you. Both of you were more similar than you thought–sharing the same love for fragrances...and apparently men. You two were inseparable after that and became a dynamic duo.

You woke up in the middle of the night feeling sudden nausea wash over you. You groaned softly, clutching the edge of the bed. Your head wasn’t pounding anymore, but the remnants of the stress from earlier was still lodged inside your body. You sat up slowly, steadying your breath as the nausea subsided. You reached for your phone on the bed side table, but when you tapped the screen, it didn’t light up. Dead. Of course it’s dead, it’s been going off all day. You plugged it into the charger and laid back down, waiting for the phone to turn on. Exhaustion pulled you back in and you fell asleep just as your phone woke from the dead.

It was 3AM and Trent still couldn’t fall asleep. He laid on his back, staring at the ceiling, the weight of everything pressing down on him. Every time he closed his eyes, all he could think about was you—how you didn’t answer his calls, hadn’t responded to his messages. He told himself it wasn’t even a full day yet, but the silence was eating at him.

With a sigh, he grabbed his phone off the bedside table, unlocking it for what felt like the hundredth time. No new notifications. No calls. No texts. He opened his camera roll to scroll through the memories you two made over the last couple of months. He wanted to feel close to you again, even if it was just through a screen. The first video he tapped on was a clip from a night at his place. You were in the kitchen wearing one of his hoodies, dancing to an upbeat song from a playlist. You had no clue he was recording and when you finally caught him, you were laughing, telling him to stop. He didn’t stop recording though, he couldn’t get enough of seeing you so happy and carefree. He continued to swipe through the roll, stopping on one where you were standing outside, looking at a full moon like it was the most beautiful thing you ever saw in your life, you loved the moon and he took note of that. Another photo featured the two of you dressed up for date night, his hand was on your waist as you stood in front of the mirror to take the picture.

He kept scrolling until he landed on a cute video of you in front of your shop, talking about something new you were working on. Your face lit up as you explained everything. He loved seeing you so passionate about your career. You weren’t like anyone else and that’s what he loved about you. You didn’t need him to complete you, he needed you. And that’s what made the thought of possibly losing you feel more painful.

Trent’s thumb hesitated when he scrolled to the last video, this one was recent. His pulse quickened just at the thought of the video, he pressed play as his breath hitched. It began with you in frame, wearing a black lace set that barely covered you. The panties featured high waisted criss cross straps that hugged your hips and left very little to imagination. The matching bra framed you perfectly, emphasizing your boobs. You stood in front of the camera, waiting for his reaction as the phone shook slightly in his hand. “You like it?”

“Fuuuck yes. You’re making me hard,” he muttered off screen with a rough voice. He zoomed the camera in on you, catching you shifting under his gaze. You turned slowly to show off the back as the barely there fabric hugged your hips in all the right places. His hand was heard smacking against your ass, making you gasp as he groaned. “You’re killing me. You look so sexy right now.”

You grinned over your shoulder, pushing your ass up against him. “Enjoy it while you can..I don’t think it’ll be on for long.” The video was meant to just be his reaction to the lingerie, but the moment he saw you his restraint snapped. “Baby..turn around for me,” he said in a low, almost desperate voice. You obeyed him, teasing him as you turned to face him fully. His breath caught in his throat when the camera panned over you, capturing every inch of the masterpiece displayed in front of him. “I could look at you like this forever,” he added in a husky voice. 

“Keep recording so we can look at it when we’re away from each other,” you said with a smirk. His voice on the video cracked, barely able to hold back his need for you. “Come here.” The camera shifted as he moved to another side of the room to set it down on a flat surface, capturing you in the perfect angle. You walked towards him, swaying your hips with your eyes locked onto his. The moment you touched him, his hands were pulling you in. He couldn’t wait to touch you.

“Please just wear this around me all the time,” he muttered. His lips grazed the side of your neck as you hummed, arching into him. “Mmm, you would love that, huh?” you teased, running your fingers over his hair as his lips trailed down your skin, kissing and biting. His hands moved to your ass, pressing you against the wall. 

“Off. Now.” he commanded. You could see how hard he was through his grey joggers and it was making your mouth water. You fumbled to unclasp the bra. As soon as it dropped to the floor his mouth was on your chest, tracing his tongue around your nipple as he tugged at the thin lace on your panties. You two were fluent in each other’s bodies, completely synchronized in every touch, kiss, and movement. 

“I need you inside me,” you whispered, feeling your body thrum with need. He wasted no time kicking off his clothes while the camera continued recording. You were on the bed now with your legs wrapped around his waist as he positioned his cock between your thighs. He entered you slowly, making you gasp as you adjusted to him. Trent buried his face in your neck, thrusting into you with slow and deliberate movements as your nails dug into his back.

“Fuck, you feel so good,” he muttered, his breath hot against your skin.

“Faster, baby. Please.” you gasped, trying to meet his thrusts because you needed more of him. His rhythm picked up as the video captured your bodies moving against each other, your loud moans and his groans. He gripped your hips, driving into you harder..deeper..until both of you were on the verge of cumming.

“Oohmygod, right there. I’m gonna cum,” you moaned, closing your eyes as you tried to focus on riding the wave threatening to crash against you. “Open your eyes, Y/N. Look at me when you cum. I wanna see you.” You opened your eyes, brows furrowed as he continued snapping into you. Your jaw dropped when the band finally snapped, your pussy pulsating and milking his cock. He came inside you, releasing white ropes just as you were coming down from your high. The video ended with both of you clinging to each other, trying to catch your breath. Trent stared back at the screen, breath uneven. The memory of that night left Trent aching for you all over again, but not for sex. He just wanted to feel your presence. He shifted in his bed scrolling through all your old texts, teasing voice notes, and random selfies. Each one was a reminder of what he was missing tonight. He had no idea what he was going to do to fix his mistake but he needed you back in his arms, period. He sighed heavily, staring up at the ceiling. He was supposed to be asleep hours ago but he couldn’t fall sleep when everything felt like it was in limbo.

Without thinking, he looked at his phone again with his fingers over your name. He knew you wouldn’t answer, you didn’t answer the entire night. But hearing your voice on the recorded greeting was comforting to him and he couldn’t stop himself. He needed to feel that tiny connection no matter how small it was. So he tapped the call button, bringing the phone to his ear, expecting it to go straight to voicemail like all the other calls. He closed his eyes waiting to hear the sound of your voice in a cadence that always made him smile.

C’mon. Just wanna hear you again.

But instead of a voicemail, there was a click, a pause, and then a soft, groggy voice. Your phone was now fully charged and you heard the ring, which woke you out of your slumber.

“Hello?”

His eyes snapped open, heart pounding out of his chest. You answered.

“Trent????”

i thought i was being so creative coming up with the name 'Love Notes' in french and apparently ariana grande has a new fragrance line named that LOL

sorry for the cliffhanger but it had to be done haha. if you made it this far, thank you for reading! lmk what you think

[that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction]

I need a fic where Merlin doesn’t know he’s Emrys and doesn’t know about his destiny, he’s just a good person who sees someone constantly almost dying and saves him because he can’t just sit and do nothing.

Kilgharrah doesn’t exist. Plot holes aside, the bitchy basement gecko can go to hell.

Anyway.

This all takes place during The Beginning of The End episode.

Mordred doesn’t call Merlin Emrys, he just cries out for help (and for his dad). Merlin steps in, the rest of the episode is the same but Merlin is determined to help the druid boy he found. Without crusty dinosaur harping on, he gets to choose the right thing for his own morals and critical thinking. Gaius is unsurprisingly resistant, so Merlin is being extremely careful, then Arthur finds him in Morgana’s chambers while he’s healing Mordred.

Let’s go with Morgana already knows about Merlin’s magic and he’s been helping her too against Gaius’ advice.

Arthur feels betrayed and is upset because Merlin can’t seem to give him a straight answer about anything. It’s all still new to him, but he’s learning that Merlin is good even if he doesn’t answer any of Arthur’s questions about magic or why he doesn’t use spells or anything like that. He’s angry but he can’t punish Merlin and free Mordred without being hypocritical, so he mostly sulks.

In all the perceived lies, Arthur snaps and instead of punishing him, he doesn’t let Merlin leave his side until he tells the truth.

So when Arthur takes Mordred back to the Druids, Merlin goes with him. Iseldir greets them as “Emrys and The Once and Future King” They’re both confused, but obviously Arthur is the future king so Arthur asks who Iseldir thought Merlin was.

Iseldir reveals their destiny that Merlin is the god of magic. Merlin is silent and Arthur is so confused and hurt about why Merlin didn’t trust him.

Iseldir answers all of Arthur’s questions about destiny and the prophecy while Merlin doesn’t say a word. He takes it to mean Merlin is ashamed or something similar about the truth coming out, meanwhile Merlin is grappling with the fact that he supposedly isn’t human. After days of Arthur picking on him for “lying” and all the unintentionally cruel jibes, when Iseldir tries to say Merlin was blessed with his power and that it was something he should be grateful for.

Merlin breaks down in a Percy Jackson style “I’m not a god! There’s something wrong with me! I get that whatever I am isn’t supposed to happen, I know I’m a monster, believe me. I never even learned magic and every time I’ve tried to get rid of it, it’s almost killed me! So don’t tell me that this is a blessing, that this curse is something I should be happy about because it’s the reason I’ve spent every single day of my entire life terrified!” Then he stops for a second and the tears roll down his cheeks, “I’m sorry, but I’m not what you think I am. You need to find someone else to believe in.”

(Skip to the end for a happy ending, this is angsty. Warning for dark!Arthur and major character death)

Arthur thinks Merlin is lying and banishes him on the spot. Iseldir warns against it, but Merlin is just so tired so he doesn’t fight it. He’s left broken and believing he’s a monster, so be leaves to protect his friends.

Until a month or so later Arthur is on a hunt when he gets separated and lost, then injured by bandits. Merlin finds him, (he’s been sent off by the druids for failing this destiny he knew nothing about, in search of a solution but they’re not very forthcoming with information) and Merlin heals him. Then they get all the diamond of the day moments while Merlin is nursing Arthur back to health until he succumbs to infection.

Merlin gives his life for Arthur, knowing that he’ll be a good king. This leads Arthur to become really dark, he kills his father and takes over Camelot, welcoming magic but killing anyone with a different opinion. No one is safe, war breaks out and Camelot falls. When Arthur dies, young and during an uprising, he meets Merlin again in Avalon. Merlin doesn’t recognise Arthur with all he’s become, and Arthur is punished to watch all his people suffer with his old mind while watching Merlin continuously pushing him away because “he’s waiting for Arthur, he shouldn’t be alone when he gets here. He would’ve been a good king, he needs someone to take care of him now.” And it breaks Arthur’s heart to hear it every time.

That’s all I got so far, it could be that they’re both driven mad waiting, Arthur by watching his people and Merlin by waiting for a man he’s doomed to never recognise again. I’m not sure, I haven’t gotten that far.

Or for less angst, hurt/comfort where Arthur has to realise that Merlin is just as in the dark as he is, he really doesn’t know any of the questions Arthur had and he’s probably been looking for answers a lot longer. They work together to fix everything and while it’s difficult, Merlin still has issues with lying to protect his friends (intent/outcome issues) Arthur is too trusting still and they have to deal with Morgause and all the other threats but they overcome it together. Albion is united and they live happily ever after.

[virtualreader]

a moment to bond

rickgrimesxfem!reader

summary: you fail in your attempt of hiding your injury from Rick, but you soon regret not to have failed sooner.

word count: 2,1k

genre: angsty fluff (?)

warnings: blood, wounds, passionate kiss (is that even a warning?), angry Rick.

a/n: English is not my first language, so my writing may not be the best. this is also not proof read, so don't be surprised if you find any mistakes. enjoy!

two months had passed since you first crossed the gates of alexandria, and two months since the last time you’d been face-to-face with a walker. or so it was until this morning.

despite your best efforts, you could not relax; your restlessness was not something you could easily shake off. as someone who has suffered from anxiety all their life, you knew exactly what it felt like to be overrun by frightful thoughts, even though they had never felt as distressing as they felt today.

it was comforting to sleep in a real bed and to have tall walls shielding you and your group from the alarming risks of the new world, but what if becoming accustomed to this pleasant sense of security was only making you weaker? what if your people were forced to live in the outside again? the fear this potential outcome caused was too much for you to bear and your friends’ efforts to console you were unsuccessful.

that's when you chose to take matters into your own hands. your original plan was to leave the walled area, take out a few roamers for practice, and then return to Alexandria. however, destiny seemed to have different plans for you. what was initially thought to be a few walkers quickly became a dozen. a dozen walkers you were now attempting to flee from.

suddenly, a rock blocked your way and you tumbled to the ground, scraping your exposed forearm on the sharp edge of the stone you landed on.

blood poured from your freshly-cut gash, making you even more anxious than before. you clenched your teeth in pain, hoping that the dead would not hear your groans. after the walkers had disappeared from your view, you rummaged through your bag to see if you could find anything to use as a bandage. however, to your dismay, all you found was a water bottle and a spare knife.

you looked around for any other resources, but the barren landscape provided few options. as you weighed your choices, you realized that ripping off a piece of your tattered t-shirt was the only option. you gritted your teeth and reached for the hem of your shirt, slowly tearing off a piece of fabric to use as a makeshift bandage.

you then wrapped the strip of fabric tightly around the wound, wincing from the pain. you knew it wasn't an ideal solution, but it would have to do for now. you stood up, feeling a bit more stable, and looked around to see where you could go next.

as you stumbled through the dilapidated woods, your vision blurred and hazy, you couldn't help but question your decision to leave the safety of the walls.

the dizziness you felt only made things worse, and you began to wonder if Rick was right after all. perhaps you were simply too weak to survive in this harsh new world. as you trudged forward, you couldn't shake the feeling that danger lurked around every corner and that you were ill-prepared for whatever lay ahead.

despite your doubts, however, you knew that you must keep moving if you wanted to stay alive.

against all odds, you made it to the Alexandria safe zone, which definitely made you relax a bit. however, you still had to enter the walls without being seen. you also needed to take a shower and change clothes to erase any trace of the horrors that you had endured on your way to the comunity.

you didn't want anyone to find out what had happened to you. but even as you stripped off your blood-stained garments and let the warm water wash away the grime and sweat of your journey, you knew that the scars on your psyche would take much longer to heal.

you had managed satisfactorily to keep your little accident a secret throughout the day, in spite of your giddiness and the weakened you were in.

it was now dinnertime, and you realized that you hadn't spent much quality time with Rick lately. you had joined the group after the fall of the prison, and Rick was the only one you had gotten close to.

he had been distant from you for some time, and you didn't want to lose your only friend. therefore, you decided that tonight would be the perfect opportunity to try and bond with him.

you decided that you would cook for him and his children, which would give you a chance to talk and catch up on things. you thought that this would be a great way to strengthen your friendship, and you hoped that it would also help to improve your relationship with the other members of the group. after all, a strong sense of community was essential for survival in this post-apocalyptic world.

from the kitchen, one could observe Carl lounging on the living room couch. the room was quiet, except for the sound of the pages of the comic book that Carl's father had brought home on his most recent trip turning. Carl's legs were crossed over the small coffee table, and his hands were holding the comic book with great interest.

the dim evening light that illuminated the room barely allowed to distinguish Rick’s serene face as he was holding the younger grimes in his arms.

"what are you cooking tonight?" his gaze was fixed on you, studying your facial expressions as you cut a carrot.

“squirrel and roasted vegetables. I’d have used rabbit, but this is all Dary could find today.”

“it’s fine, I don’t really mind your culinary election as long as we get to spend some time together.” the now beardless man smiled at you.

“that's so cheesy of you, Grimes.” he chuckled at your comment.

he remained quiet for a moment, making you feel as if he could see right through your t-shirt's sleeve. oh, no. you suddenly remembered that you had rolled up your long sleeves so they wouldn't interfere with chopping vegetables, leaving your bandaged arm visible to Rick's worried gaze.

“is that blood?” he inquired.

you continued with your activity not even taking your eyes off the chopping board.

Rick handed the little Judith to her elder brother, instructing him to go upstairs. the tension in the kitchen became now palpable. it was like when you were a child and you got caught doing something wrong, and you knew you were going to get a lecture.

or so you thought.

“I’m fine. it’s only a scratch.”

“don’t tell me you’re fine, you’re bleeding!” he guided you to the couch Carl was previously in, making you sit down.

he disappeared for a moment and then returned with a first aid kit in his hands.

“let me see.” anger was obvious in his voice.

you did not even dare to look him in the eye. it was well known within the group that it was a big mistake to piss off the leader. Rick undid your messy and bloody bandage. you winced at the burning feeling of the air touching your wound.

“how did this happen? did someone hurt you?” he asked still examining your arm.

“NO! not at all! it was an accident. I- uh…” at this point, it was useless to lie to him. after all is said and done, he used to be a cop before all this happened. “I fell running from a few walkers this morning.”

“you what?! I believe I told you not to go outside the walls! It’s dangerous y/n, there are too many threats out there.” the anger previously visible was replaced by another emotion you couldn’t decipher.

Rick kept a white-knuckled grip on the dirty piece of fabric that was minutes ago covering your large gash, his other hand gently holding your wrist.

you hadn’t taken a moment to contemplate the magnitude of the injury until now. to say the least, it was huge. it started a few inches below your elbow and it went all over your forearm to your wrist.

“why do you even care? I’m not your child, Rick.”

“I care ‘cause you’re as much of my family as Carl and Judith are. and I don’t want to lose my family.” he spoke, his voice getting lower as he pronounced the last sentence. “why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

your frustration with Rick's recent behavior boiled over and you couldn't help but voice your annoyance.

"you've got to be kidding me," you almost whispered, incredulous. "maybe it's because you're too busy trying to impose your will on everyone else here, or maybe it's because you spend the little free time you have left admiring that hairdresser's features. but the fact remains that you haven't been there for me lately, and it's starting to feel like I'm losing my only friend in this world."

your words hung heavy in the air, and you could feel the tension between you and Rick palpably. as you looked at him, you could see the hurt in his eyes, and you almost regretted saying anything.

you sighed deeply, feeling humiliated in the face of the seriousness of the problem that had just been brought to your attention by the expression written on Rick’s face.

you began to wonder how you had let things get to this point and what you could have done differently to avoid this situation. perhaps if you had been more proactive in addressing the issue earlier, things wouldn't have come to a head like this.

"there's nothing humiliating about needing help once in a while, sweetheart,” Rick spoke softly, breaking the silence that had settled in the room. he continued to bandage your arm, his touch gentle and careful. "I'm sorry I haven't been there for you lately. but you have to understand that I'm just trying to keep everyone safe. and as for Jessie... it's not what you think. I'm just trying to move on from everything that's happened."

you nodded, feeling guilty for your outburst. "I know, Rick. I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have said that."

"It's okay," he said, finishing up with the bandage. "just promise me that you won't go out alone again. we'll go together next time, okay?"

"okay," you agreed, feeling grateful for his concern.

he put away the first aid kit, but he didn't even threaten to get up. both of you remained in your previous position, awkwardly eyeing each other. in moments like this your small bad habit made act of presence.

you could feel the stinging sensation your teeth left in your lip, making you aware that you had been biting your lip for a while. you knew it was an unhealthy habit, still, you frequently found yourself unconsciously doing it.

“if you bite your lip one more time I’m gonna do it for you.” the atmosphere in the room suddenly changed, lust present in the man’s face.

as you fixed your gaze on the charming features of the man, you couldn't help but notice the way his hair fell over his face, almost obscuring his handsome features. you observed a drop of sweat slide down his forehead. his eyes seemed to denote a sense of tiredness, reflecting how hard he works to maintain the security of the Alexandrians.

you took a deep breath, steeling yourself for what you were about to do. you mustered all your courage and leaned forward. you gave him a peck on the lips to test the waters. you had liked him since the very first moment you met him. the way he carried himself, with authority, which revealed his past as a police officer, drove you crazy.

you pulled back, heart racing as you waited for his reaction. for a moment everything seemed to freeze as you looked at each other, unsure of what to say or do. but then, slowly he leaned in and kissed you back, his lips soft and gentle against yours.

his big calloused hands danced against your neck, pulling you even closer. the intensity of the kiss kept escalating, each movement more passionate than the last. it was as if you were both desperate to feel each other's love, to experience the connection that only the two of you shared.

as the kiss deepened, you felt a warmth in your chest that you hadn't felt in a while. as you pulled away you couldn’t help but think how much you needed this moment of intimacy to make you feel alive. perhaps this was a sign that everything was going to be okay after all.

[voltronisanobsession]

Late night thought ( listened to video games ldr)

Being star crossed lovers with Percy. Being soulmates throughout many lifetimes, fate will never let the two of you be together.

In every lifetime, one of you will bare the burden of knowing everything, from being destined soulmates, to all your past lives, to the terrible fate your relationship always succumbs to end. Reader happens to be the one carrying the weight in the current pjo universe timeline.

Knowing basically everything about him, you try so hard to not fall for Percy. Your heart breaks when you first meet him, Percy already stumbling over his words at the mere sight of you. The connection is strong between the two of you, but you want nothing more than to runaway.

You already know how this story will end. But you can’t help falling for him all over again, getting to know this new version of him, seeing the similarities from his past lives shining in him. Admiring his new traits that make your heart beat fast.

Spending more time with him, he falls for you just the same. He feels a pull to you, his body igniting with life whenever he was around you. Your wide smile, caring hands on his face, and sweet voice instantly offering him comfort.

He’s so comfortable being himself around you that it almost surprises him. You read him like an open book.

Everything is just easier with you. He feels like he’s known you his entire life.

I think the hardest part for you is whether to tell him or not. Keep him in the dark of your guys’ destiny, or ruin what beautiful relationship has blossomed in the time you’ve known each other.

Chiron might know what you two are, simply because he may have met you guys hundreds of years ago, in a different lifetime. He feels pity for you as you struggle to distance yourself from Percy.

Believing that leaving him will break what fate has in store for you, Percy can’t let go. You’re like his other half. You’ve been there for him through thick and thin and now you just want to leave?

He won’t let you go until you give him a good reason. He can’t let you go. Percy is in too deep to watch you walk away from what you guys have. What you won’t let happen.

And it’s at this where you let everything out. Pain and tears are released, watching with despair as Percy struggles to accept what you say.

“We can’t be together Percy! Everything, everything will always ruin us. It’s been written in the stars for thousands of years, we will always fail. Just for loving each other.”

Of course to make this more dramatic, Percy will definitely get a vision of some sort showing him your fates as star crossed lovers.

“That’s not- it can’t be true. That’s not FAIR! Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t know how Percy. I didn’t know how.”

A lot of tears are shed that night. But just as much comfort is present. There’s no way to reverse your meeting, your fates are now permanently entwined. The only thing guys can do is hope to overcome your terrible fate.

Nights are filled with sweet whisperings. You guys would lay in silence, admiring each other as the stars shone bright in the dark sky. Each others soul in tune with the others emotions, walls are crumbled between the two of you.

Moments like these make up for all the pain and suffering that you both have went through. Gentle kisses on your face, Percy promises you’ll make it through anything, together. You caress his face, wearing a bittersweet smile.

But alas, nothing can change the fate of star crossed lovers. Stumbling across a monster during a quest, this is where the end begins.

Unlike anything he’s every seen, Percy can’t fight off the monster. No matter how many times he gets up, each time weaker than the last, the monster won’t die. It isn’t until it speaks that everything makes sense.

“A sacrifice must be made.”

A sick feeling is instantaneous between the two of you. Eyes wide in fear, you look to Percy. Despite the beating he took, he’s never looked as beautiful as he did now. You vowed to remember this moment of the boy in your next life.

Percy wanted to fight, he didn’t want to give up. He was angry, scared. He believed he could change your fates.

“Percy.”

“We have to try y/n! I can’t do this without you, please. I need you.”

“I love you. I loved you in the past, I love you right now, and I will always fall in love with you in the future. We’ll see each other again.”

He can’t stop you as you make your way to the monster. Fate works against him, keeping his body frozen and in place as he cries for you. Cries for your pasts. Cries for the emptiness he’ll have to endure once your gone.

It’s quick and swift, your death. You welcome it with bitterness, Percy’s crying breaking your resolve, but you have to continue. You’ll see your lover again.

Percy mourns everyday for you. He misses the soft whisperings you spoke that filled the dead of night in his cabin.

He mourns the life you both could’ve had if fate had not been so cruel to tear you apart every time. He’s forced to live a life without his other half once again.

He’ll miss the way you held his face, miss the way you made him laugh, miss the way you made him feel. He spends everyday living and remembering the memories of you.

Once the time comes, Percy welcomes death with open arms, reunited with you for a short moment until you’re both sent onto your new lives, starting the cycle all over again.

[grapejuicestyless]

Unforgettable

Harry Styles x fem!reader

Summery: Y/n Y/l/n is a classic rockstar with a magnetic pull and a bad reputation with men to her name. Turns out Y/n might not be such a bad girl after all and the men she used might have not been the truth.

Pages bursted from every seam of her notebook, littered in scribbled lyrics of failed beginnings, one night stands and the most innocent poetry writings that reflected the opposite of the devilish woman behind the pencil marks.

Everything about her was shiny. Her glittery deep purplish blue eyeshadow and the highlight on the tip of her nose to the glistening sweat that dripped underneath her top.

She was messy, yet so detailed. Every hair out of place seemed to fit perfectly a top her head. The lazy smear of lipgloss and eyeshadow applied carelessly yet laying in such way that it almost looked intentional.

It was that careless attitude that was so magnetic about her. The rockstar exterior she possessed attracting the innocent into her wild web of her craft.

But, despite her rockstar complexion and her love life reputation, the girl had an undeniable talent that could not be ruined by the poor press that swirled her name.

So it could only be fitting to place the most standout woman there into the cleanest band reputation wise. It was humorous, when it was announced. Y/n Y/l/n, joining Harry Styles for his long awaited Love On Tour.

Harry, who had hand picked her from the bunch of bassists waiting to wow him, was immediately aware of her presence. Her look sharp and eye catching, but her talent even better. She had a skill for her craft that nobody else was even able to come close to achieving. It was almost destiny she had shown up, notebook stuffed full of sloppy writing and bass scratched from her frustration.

Truthfully, Y/n hadn’t really longed to be placed into the band. She didn’t exactly enjoy the bright pinks and pop music that blasted through the speakers. She had only gone to the audition because she had been itching to play. Having traveled the world with some of the biggest inspirations, and by herself on a successful world tour a couple years ago, Y/n found herself bored in her home for so long. She was just about ready to go out a preform to a room filled with angry elderly people who hated all loud noises. Anything to give her the thrill of being in front of the crowd again.

So, when she was emailed one August evening, detailing of an audition for a bassist to join a well known artist on stage, she pushed aside her unfamiliarity with the genre.

It wasn’t that Y/n disliked pop music, it just wasn’t her favorite. She’s spent most of her time closer to a soft rock sound, pulling from past inspirations and old sounds that could be reworked into her work. The glitz and glam of the fresh and new sounding pop music was only something she hadn’t really gotten into, explaining why she felt more nervous than glad she was selected.

Yet, her ability to adjust and charm her way through her lack of experience within the genre was enough to keep her going, placing her where she was now. Standing next Harry, under the intense lights of Madison Square in the middle of one of the hottest summers to date.

…

A year had passed, just about, since Y/n first stepped onto the stage, her bass slung around her neck with a tattered strap that was practically molded to her shoulders. She gave a good amount to the band, adding in bass lines that ascended the songs into a better form of themselves. Making sure not to overpower the other instruments, but to lift them up and amplify how they sounded collectively as a band.

“That was good, that sounded great actually!” I turned back, the side of my lip pressed into the surface of the microphone. My hands found their way around the cord, untangling it to gain some more movement around the stage.

“Why don’t we recollect, get some water and stretch out?” I shot a thumbs up to the sound guy, who had been playing around with some switches behind a small barricade farther back in the arena. After the go ahead was given, the lights dimmed to a soft glow on top of the stage and the heat seemed less intense.

“No way, that’s so cool! Where did you find that, I’ve been having so much trouble looking for a new bass recently.” Her voice was slightly raspy, deeper too, I noticed from the dryness that I assumed was itching at her throat.

I watched her toss her head back, lips wrapped around the plastic water bottle until it crinkled beneath her hands and was left with nothing more than a few stray drops of water pooling at the bottom.

Elin, who she had been conversing with enthusiastically, seemed to match her energy precisely, showing Y/n the same amount of excitement over the new piece of equipment. Eyes gleaming with interest and passion over the topic. It felt warming knowing that work felt less like an obligation but instead was a privilege.

A close knit family that brought a dopey smile to my face at only the thought of it. I listened to them and there insane energy inconspicuously, eyes avoidant of the women and instead settled on the ledge between Sarah’s drums and where the trumpet players would stand later that night where the nearest supply of water was.

From afar, underneath the sound in my head of my aggressive swallowing of water, it sounded like the pair were dispersing. The conversation ended with a faint laugh that dwindled out the longer the conversation ended.

It was a true laugh, sincere. Almost a belly laugh but just not quite there yet. The sound so familiar it was instantly pinned in my mind as Y/n’s.

The common misconception about Y/n was that she was shallow, unfeeling and unknowing of basic relationships and proper manners. The media had poorly labeled the innocent woman, her lyrics thought to be too provocative and explicit. Too in depth and detailed that gossip accounts were ready to start this false narrative about the most undeserving person of the hate.

Maybe it was her careless expressions after completing a hard bass line, or her rockstar style that made her such an easy target for the untrue opinions and thoughts. She had that old grungy thing about her that both made her desirable and criticized, yet she made it work.

Y/n was the sun, in my eyes. A bright, young woman with wisdom beyond her years and heart so full it was overflowing with empathy and sympathy. Her lyrics reflected her past experiences, like any other artist. Her failed relationships that left her in the darkness and her distantly timed hook ups to fill the cold loneliness beside her bed.

Truthfully, she was more like the rest of the industry than any gossiper could comprehend. Her writing abilities expressed so freely, so vulnerable that it caused that discomfort, that pit in the listeners stomach forming with each song she put on her albums. The real truth was that she wasn’t some shallow, sex driven girl who dated guys to write about how they did her wrong. She was a loving woman who loved everyone more than life and was overly naive. She dated trying to find someone who could understand her like she understood everyone else. She spoke what was on her mind completely true and unfiltered constantly. Not fearful of the backlash her opinions would bring. That’s what continues to draw me to her throughout our time together.

“Hey, Harry.” Her voice was sweet, laced with honey and dripping in sweetness. I barely noticed her touch on my shoulder until I looked down at her guitar string scarred hands and found myself smiling.

“What’s up, Angel? What’s going on?” I turned my back to her, head thrown over my shoulder to look back to her face while my hands worked on screwing on the cover to my water bottle.

“You know, the usual. Just wanted to tell you I thought that note change during Sign of the Times was beautiful. You should go for those higher notes more often, you hit them every time.” She was completely honest in her opinions, which is why I held her words dear to my heart.

Y/n had no issue telling me what she thought. She was rather quick to give pointers of what worked better and how to substitute those notes that were strained and uncomfortable. Yet, she did it with such a down to earth point of view. She remained humble, even if everyone here knew she had talents beyond all of ours. She acted like she was just as good as the rest of us, like we were equals.

“I know, it’s just hard with so many people around. Don’t want to fall flat and ruin it.” Shrugging, we walked together to the stairs at the edge of the stage.

“Don’t psych yourself out, Styles. You nail those notes all the time. Your range is unbelievably complex. You have that ability to hit the higher notes every time.” She placed her hand in mine, following me down the stairs cautiously as the last one was always less steep than the rest, causing mishaps occasionally.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” We nodded at each other, silently understanding that the conversation was ending but still taking each other in. It almost felt like something was pulling us closer, eyes growing heavier and smiles getting looser. Breathing sharper.

“I’ll see you tonight, yeah?” It was breathy, the way it came out of her mouth. Almost like it was something she hadn’t wanted to say but forced herself to.

I nodded, watching her eyes crinkle before she turned away briskly, quick to find her escape through the illuminated tunnel. For a moment I felt like a fly in a web that was her creation, stuck in place to just stare as she left.

…

The show was unworldly. An atmosphere so intense and the energy so insane the floor swayed beneath my feet. The shows were structured the same each night, yet each one felt like a completely new experience. It was how the fans danced together in a formation that they’d created during Treat People With Kindness and how they’d share different experiences drawn out on their cardboard signs. It was surreal, something I felt lucky enough to experience with some of my closest friends, my band.

It went by smoothly, as projected to. The lights and the transitions between each songs igniting an excitement beyond no other I had ever experienced. Sarah played the drums precisely, hitting every beat necessary as her husband, Mitch, created the familiar tunes that were the songs of the past few albums. Within in the music, Y/n stood perched just next to Pauli, continuing to support Mitch and Elin within her bass playing.

By the time Kiwi had reached its end, I caught myself looking back to catch a glance at Y/n. Telling myself it was only to get a short moment to observe her living in her passion. Really, deep down I knew it was something more, something that had always been there yet I hadn’t had the courage to admit until that out loud.

…

The dressing room was quiet, after the show. The post show blues, as I used to refer to it as. The ultimate high coming back down with the realization that it was all over.

I let myself peel the sweaty chevron shirt off of my body and kicking off my green Gucci shoes. I left on the mismatched bottoms while ruffling through the pile of clothes packed in my suitcase for a shirt and shorts.

“Hey, rockstar. Trying a new look?” My head raised, turning halfway to meet her eyes.

“Yeah, really going for that oiled up 2000’s boy next door idea.” We laughed, eyes closing at how stupid I must’ve looked to her. Finding it funny and slightly embarrassing as the rose tint spread like wildfire across my cheeks.

Soon, our laughs turned into silence, warm smiles reflecting off of our faces onto the others. It was comfortable, lip caught between her teeth and mine pulling at the skin of my bottom one.

“I heard what you did tonight. Proud of you. I told you, you could hit that note change. Honestly, sounded better out there than at soundcheck.” My heart fluttered.

“I could say the same about you. It’s like you gain more power with each show.”

“Stop it, you just might make me blush.” She stepped closer, merely a few inches left separating the two of us. Her breath tickling my skin, her hands clenched by her sides nervously.

Suddenly, she had lost all that confidence that told the world she could play anyone like a fiddle. Suddenly she lost that fog around the mirror that created the illusion of a rockstar super player who moved from one man to the next, without rhyme or reason. She became what we’d all learned of her. The girl who loved long and hard on the people close to her, and the girl who despite was she was destined by the media to have been, had only had a couple relationships past the one night stands that filled her notebook. She batted her eyes, and I held my breath.

“Y/n…” It was a whisper. A soft murmur beneath my breath, but I was sure she’d heard it.

I found myself slowly reaching for her hand, opening it on top of my palm and brushing my fingers gently over the creases that ran along them before letting it fall back to her side. My eyes lifted from where we touched back to her face. Only to allow myself to find contact again. I let my hand slip around her waist, pulling slowly until our bodies were pressed together. The only thing separating our lips was the small gap we’d placed between them.

“Harry..?” She seemed conflicted, unsure almost. Hesitant.

“Is this okay?” It came out shaky, the nerves reaching a point that could only be cured by her acceptance.

“I…I just…” She thought on it, “I don’t want you to believe everything about me. I don’t want to lose you when you realize I’m not who you think I am.” The confession sounded like it was almost painful to admit.

“Oh.” I blinked, “Y/n, angel, no. I would never think that.” Her eyes were avoidant, her body more tense than moments prior.

“Please, look at me.” I let my other hand raise under his chin, pointer finger hooking underneath her chin to raise her gaze to mine, “To me, you are everything. You understand me. You see things that nobody else sees. Y/n, you bring out the best in me. I would have never had the courage to push myself and change that note tonight if you hadn’t pushed me to do it. You have this honesty that makes everyone value your words and you have this power over me that continues to draw me to you. I can not explain it, but believe me when I say you are all I want.” Her eyes fogged with what I believed to be her taking in my sudden confession. Yet, with her realization at what I had just said, she still remained silent and I felt the instant regret growing harder in my heart.

I had been through enough rejections to build a home. Yet, the thought of her rejecting me hurt more than anything I could’ve put myself through.

“Shit..Im sorry. I didn’t mean to-“ My explanation was no use, her hands on my cheeks and her lipstick smearing across my lips in a red hue as her lips pressed hard into mine in a sudden burst of confidence.

My eyes shut quickly, settling into it, only for it to be taken away quicker than I had longed for. Eyes opened in a lustful haze. Yet it wasn’t sexual, but completely innocent and perfect in every sense.

“I love you.” The words slipped passed my lips before I could stop them. A smile growing in a lovesick fashion across her face as my confession Is held in for so long reached her ears.

“I love you too.” She returned the confession, leaning in again to press her lips harder into mine and a heavenly sigh escaping her throat.

It was passionate and loving in a way that I’d never experienced before. The shared feelings were strong, new, vulnerable. A new beginning that both of us secretly longed for.

How funny the public would find it if the news ever broke that their precious bad girl rockstar was actually a giant love bug and an angel on earth. How much of a shock it would be to those who tore her down for her fashion choices and her lack of precautions in the public eye.

She might not be who she was made out to be from the exterior, but the one thing the press had gotten right about the devilish woman who broke too many hearts and dished out too many fights she could handle.

She is unforgettable.

[nieceeee]

WOODY'S ROUNDUP!

Okay current fics that are in the works or coming up. This is my accountability list so yall....hold ya girl accountable lol

All fics are black reader and black coded just so you know. But let me know which ones yall excited to read

For The 1st Time: arranged marriage: ony x reader - angst, fluff

You knew that this was your destiny. From the time you were born. Ony knew it as well. But the problem...neither of you knew each other. Ony was set to be one of the most powerful men in his industry and to solidify that, your father promised you to him. But how the hell was he supposed to marry someone he's never met...

If you want you can watch on your video phone: nerd!gojo x camgirl reader - smut

Gojo was more reserved about his personal life than most people. From the outside he was a standup guy. Mostly quiet to those who didn't know him. He kept his head low, his grades high, and his mouth closed. But Gojo had a very nasty secret. Because deep in his mansion, with his doors bolted shut Gojo has an obsession. One that just happens to be the melanated girl that sits in front of him in class. He never spoke to you in public but the thoughts he had about you in private would make a porn star blush. But Gojo failed to realize one little thing. You knew exactly who your favorite streamer was, it was only a matter of time until you addressed him about it...

Lovers and Friends: gojo x virgin reader - smut, angst

Gojo and Geto have been friends for years and that didn't change when you had come along. A few years younger than them when your mom married Geto's dad and the duo became a trio. It had always been you three whether you liked it or not. Gojo never viewed you as a little sister but you were always someone he knew he would protect no matter what. So when you approached him with your offer, needless to say he was shocked. Initially he refused but you knew as well as he did how convincing you could be.

My Little Secret: Ony x reader - angst, smut

You and Ony had never really solidified your relationship with one another. It was all "my man my man my man" when yall were alone but in public, nobody knew the dirty little secret you shared. Not even Ony's little girlfriend. So when he pulls up to the party with her on his arm, will you be able to keep that secret under wraps? If he doesn't tell, you won't tell..

Indefinitely: babydaddy!eren x reader - heavy angst

Things with you and your baby daddy were fine as far as you can tell. You both had moved on and managed a great coparenting relationship. Everything seemed okay...for you. Eren on the other hand was seething. Because not only had you moved on, you had found someone new. So when a chance encounter between your new boo and Eren come to a head after he sees him with your son, you forced to make a tough decision that will pivot you and Eren's relationship forever.

Wanna Be: bestfriend!ony x reader - slight angst, fluff

“Not trynna hear you tell nobody that I’m just a friend. Just trynna make sure I’m the body that you call your man…” Ony is your best friend and its been that way for years. He was your safe haven as much as you were his. You've always shared a connection with one another that many didn't understand. But recently Ony has been struggling with his feelings for you. Things that he used to feel don't quite feel the same anymore. And he's forced to come to terms with reality...

Liquor: drunk!armin x reader - smut

There's something in this liquor. It has to be. That's the only reason he was like this. Because there wasn't any other reason why the cute, quiet blonde boy that stuttered anytime you approached him had you pinned up like this, tears falling from the corners of your eyes...

Mirror Staring Back At Me: bestfriend!eren x reader - smut

He knew better. He knew not to get involved in your relationships. He knew his place at your side. But Eren couldn't help it. Not when he saw how they tried to destroy your confidence. You standing in the mirror with eyes of uncertainty. You picking yourself apart from their words. So he did what only a good best friend would do. He showed you right there in your mirror exactly how he felt about you and how you should to...

All Things Ya Man Won't Do: ony x reader - fluff to smut

Most of your life your relationships have been transactional. You learned early on that nothing you get comes for free, especially with me. It was always a give and take. So when you got with Ony, you expected the same things. For every gift he got you, you made sure to double it because that's how the game goes right? Well Ony wasn't having that. He was going to get it through to you by any means necessary...

A Rock and a Hard Place: choso x reader - fluff, suggestive

This was it! You were going to get in shape. And what better way that to do something fun like...rock climbing? Why the hell did you let your best friend talk you into this? Heights were not your strong suit. But a little help from the cute instructor may take your mind off things...

SPIN: ony x reader - smut

"Ass or tits?" was the question asked of him. "Titties all day. Yall can keep that other shit." Ony has always been an assertive man. He knew what he liked and what he didn't like. He knew what turned him on and what he pulled away from. He was always certain in his decisions. That was until you came along. The moment you stepped into his life, everything Ony swore he wasn't interested in was flipped upside down...

[leahnardo-da-veggie]

Goodbye (But not actually)

It is the first day of the rest of my life. Or perhaps it is the last. I suppose it is all a matter of perspective. In mine, the dawn hangs in the air, thick as a smoker's cough. I can taste the exhaust of the cars on the highway. It tastes of disaster, of tangled flesh and metal, of a flaming car crash.

The street I walk down is cluttered with potted plants and trees poking out from yards. At one point, a cat notices me, and stops to wind its way around my legs, narrowly avoiding leaning against my shins. I used to feed that cat, and it is with a pang of loss that I walk away. I have no food to give that cat, not anymore.

The streetlights are only just beginning to turn off, leaving the grey morning as my only source of light. I keep meandering, patiently making my way down to the highway. I have a task to get to, after all.

Part of me wonders where my emotions went. I feel… empty, for lack of a better word. Floating away like a balloon. It is an effort to overcome the lassitude that commands me to stand and watch the world go by. 

It is with the slightest tinge of relief that I come upon the great grey bridge. I stroll between cars stuck in the morning traffic jam, letting the breeze carry me down the road. Every now and then, I peer into the window of a car.

The people inside are all the same, irritated businessmen in their suits and button-up shirts, listening to the radio and grimacing at the car before them. For a split moment, I want to demand they snap out of it. I want to scream at them to get up, get out of the little compartment they are cramped in, get away from the prosaic nightmare they have worked themselves into and see the world. I want to demand they make the best of the life before them, before it is all too late.

The feeling passes soon, however, whisked away by a truck's honk. I continue moving, far faster than the vehicles trapped in their rut. I might even make it in time, I think. Not that time has any meaning anymore.

My feet do not ache, though the sun is out in full force and the asphalt sizzles with heat. It warms me to the core, stirring something within me, and at last, there is an urgency in my movement. I can see my destination, after all, my final quest before I meet my destiny.

I crawl atop the bonnet of a car, unnoticed by its occupants, and take a running leap off the side of the highway. There and then, I might well have been a bird in the sky, looking down at the cars and the buildings beneath. 

And I land, my feet bending under the impact of my fall. I want to marvel at my ability to move, but there is no time to waste. The sun is burning away dawn, and I can feel its gaze on my skin.

The airport is right before me, looming overhead with its great glass windows and lanes of taxis. I slip past them, hurrying for the arrival area.

The roof overhead does nothing to lessen the sun's impact, and I am slipping away. I wonder if I have failed; if it is too late to say one last goodbye.

Then I see her, all grown up, clutching her suitcase, passport in hand, tapping her foot at the check in counter, and all the colour in the world rushes back into me. Instinctively, I reach out to grasp her shoulder, to pat her on the back like I did so very often, but my hand goes right through her. I suppose it is a testament to the love I held for her that it stirs grief in my unbeating chest. I do not know if I arrived too late to wish her one last farewell, or if I were just in time.

Either way, I have only one thing to say. "Goodbye,” I tell her, my voice not even a whisper in the wind.

Then the dawn breaks, and a new day washes me away.

Taglist:

@coffeeangelinabox, @dorky-pals, @calliecwrites, @kaylinalexanderbooks, @shukei-jiwa

@thewingedbaron, @pluppsauthor, @cowboybrunch, @wylloblr, @possiblyeldritch @ramwritblr, @urnumber1star, @fortunatetragedy, @bigwipscholar, @ratedn

@vampirelover890, @possiblylisle, @illarian-rambling, @the-ellia-west

@finicky-felix, @evilgabe29, @glitched-dawn, @rivenantiqnerd, @dragonhoardesfandoms

@drchenquill, @everythingismadeofchaos, @owldwagitoutofyou (Anyone else who wants to get added can tell me in the comments, pm me, or send me an ask about it!)

[theomnilegent]

2024 Upcoming Sapphic Fiction I’m Excited For! 🏳️‍🌈

Here are the top nine sapphic books I'm looking forward to for 2024! This year I'm excited to see how much more diversity there is amongst sapphic fiction - racial diversity, physical diversity, gender and sexuality diversity! Every year we get more and more books featuring a wider range of characters, and it makes me delighted every time.

2024 seems to be the year of the butch and otherwise gender non-conforming sapphic characters! There is even, much to my joy, a book about drag kings! I've been wanting a book about drag kings since I first started reading sapphic fiction, so I'm so pleased that one finally exists!

Below you'll find Goodreads links and summaries to each book. As always, this list is only a starting point - if you want to find more sapphic fiction, there's plenty to find on Goodreads and StoryGraph!

Furious by Jamie Pacton

After years racing go-karts and looking up to her mother, a celebrity Nascar racer, Jojo Emerson-Boyd should be starting her own racing career. But when she loses her mom in a tragic crash, Jojo’s future comes to a screeching halt. Now her dad won’t let her get a license, much less race. Instead, she’s stuck working at her grandmother’s mechanic shop in the sleepy small town of Dell’s Hollow.

But Jojo’s heart quickens when Motorcycle Girl Eliana “El” Blum shows up at the shop. El grew up on the motocross circuit sidelines, watching her sister and idol Maxine compete. When El mysteriously loses all contact with Max, she’s determined to find her, with her first clue leading straight to the mechanic shop, and to Jojo.

United by fate, the two quickly bond over Mario Kart showdowns and the Fast & Furious films. As their friendship shifts into something more, they’ll have to confront both their growing romance and the grief woven into their complicated families if they hope to chase down their dreams and make it across the finish line.

How You Get the Girl by Anita Kelly When smart-mouthed Vanessa Lerner joins the high school basketball team Julie Parker coaches, Julie’s ready for the challenge. What she’s not ready for is Vanessa’s new foster parent, Elle Cochrane—former University of Tennessee basketball star. While star-struck at first, soon Julie persuades Elle to step into the unfilled position of assistant coach for the year.  Even though Elle has stayed out of the basketball world since an injury ended her short-lived WNBA career, the gig might be a way to become closer to Vanessa—and to spend more time with Julie, who makes Elle laugh. As the coaches grow closer, Elle has a hard time understanding how Julie is single. When Julie reveals her lifelong insecurity about dating and how she wishes it was more like sports—being able to practice first—it sparks an intriguing idea. While Elle still doubts her abilities as a basketball coach, helping Julie figure out dating is definitely something she can do. But as the basketball season progresses, and lines grow increasingly blurred, Julie and Elle must decide to join the game—or retreat to the sidelines.

Late Bloomer by Mazey Eddings

Winning the lottery has ruined Opal Devlin’s life. After quitting her dead-end job where she’d earned minimum wage and even less respect, she’s bombarded by people knocking at her door for a handout the second they found out her bank account was overflowing with cash. And Opal can’t seem to stop saying yes.

With her tender heart thoroughly abused, Opal decides to protect herself by any means necessary, which to her translates to putting almost all her new money to buying a failing flower farm in Asheville, North Carolina to let the flowers live out their plant destiny while she uses the cabin on the property to start her painting business.

But her plans for isolation and self-preservation go hopelessly awry when an angry (albeit gorgeous) Pepper Smith is waiting for her at her new farm. Pepper states she’s the rightful owner of Thistle and Bloom Farms, and isn’t moving out. The unlikely pair strike up an agreement of co-habitation, and butt-heads at every turn. Can these opposites both live out their dreams and plant roots? Or will their combustible arguing (and growing attraction) burn the whole place down?

A Banh Mi for Two by Trinity Nguyen

In Sài Gòn, Lan is always trying to be the perfect daughter, dependable and willing to care for her widowed mother and their bánh mì stall. Her secret passion, however, is A Bánh Mì for Two, the food blog she started with her father, but has stopped updating since his passing.

Meanwhile, Vietnamese American Vivi Huynh, has never been to Việt Nam. Her parents rarely even talk about the homeland that clearly haunts them. So Vivi secretly goes to Vietnam for a study abroad program her freshman year of college. She’s determined to figure out why her parents left, and to try everything she’s seen on her favorite food blog, A Bánh Mì for Two.

When Vivi and Lan meet in Sài Gòn, they strike a deal. Lan will show Vivi around the city, helping her piece together her mother’s story through crumbling photographs and old memories. Vivi will help Lan start writing again so she can enter a food blogging contest. And slowly, as they explore the city and their pasts, Vivi and Lan fall in love.

The No-Girlfriend Rule by Christen Randall

Hollis Beckwith isn’t trying to get a girl—she’s just trying to get by. For a fat, broke girl with anxiety, the start of senior year brings enough to worry about. And besides, she already has a Chris. Their relationship isn’t particularly exciting, but it’s comfortable and familiar, and Hollis wants it to survive beyond senior year. To prove she’s a girlfriend worth keeping, Hollis decides to learn Chris’s favorite tabletop roleplaying game, Secrets & Sorcery—but his unfortunate “No Girlfriends at the Table” rule means she’ll need to find her own group if she wants in.

Gloria Castañeda and her all-girls game of S&S! Crowded at the table in Gloria’s cozy Ohio apartment, the six girls battle twisted magic in-game and become fast friends outside it. With her character as armor, Hollis starts to believe that maybe she can be more than just fat, anxious, and a little lost.

But then an in-game crush develops between Hollis’s character and the bard played by charismatic Aini Amin-Shaw, whose wide, cocky grin makes Hollis’s stomach flutter. As their gentle flirting sparks into something deeper, Hollis is no longer sure what she wants…or if she’s content to just play pretend.

We Got the Beat by Jenna Miller

Jordan Elliot is a fat, nerdy lesbian, and the first junior to be named editor-in-chief of the school newspaper. Okay, that last part hasn’t happened yet, but it will. It’s positive thinking that has gotten Jordan this far. Ever since Mackenzie West, her friend-turned-enemy, humiliated her at the start of freshman year, Jordan has thrown herself into journalism and kept her eyes trained on the future.

So it’s a total blow when Jordan discovers that she not only didn’t get the editor-in-chief spot, but she’s been assigned the volleyball beat instead. And who is the star and new captain of the volleyball team? Mackenzie West. But words are Jordan’s weapon, and she has some ideas about how to exact a long-awaited revenge on her nemesis.

Then things get murky when forced time together has Mack and Jordan falling back into their friendship, and into something more. And when Mack confesses the real reason she turned on Jordan freshman year, it has Jordan questioning everything—past, present, and future. If Jordan lets her guard down and Mack in, will she get everything she wants, or will she be humiliated all over again?

Playing for Keeps by Jennifer Dugan

June is the star pitcher of her elite club baseball team—with an ego to match—and she's a shoo-in to be recruited at the college level, like her parents have always envisioned. That is, if she can play through an overuse injury that has recently gone from bad to worse.

Ivy isn't just reffing to pay off her athletic fees or make some extra cash on the side. She wants to someday officiate at the professional level, even if her parents would rather she go to college instead.

The first time they cross paths, Ivy throws June out of a game for grandstanding. Still, they quickly grow from enemies to begrudging friends . . . and then something more. But the rules state that players and umpires are prohibited from dating.

As June's shoulder worsens, and a rival discovers the girls' secret and threatens to expose them, everything the two have worked so hard for is at risk. Now both must follow their dreams . . . or follow their hearts?

The Summer Love Strategy by Ray Stoeve

Hayley always has a crush. The problem is, her crushes never like her back. After her latest unrequited love—a girl from her basketball team—gets a boyfriend, she decides she’s done falling for girls who are unavailable. Her best friend, Talia, wants romance too, but rarely gets crushes on anyone, and she’s tired of watching Hayley get her heart stomped on over and over. So the two girls make a they’ll help each other find summer love by putting themselves in situations that always lead to romance in movies.

To help carry out their summer love strategy, they make a list of all the places they could find their real-life the beach, the Pride parade, the pool, a MUNA concert, and a party. But as they go to each place and try to find the one , it seems like they just can’t catch a break—they don’t know how to talk to cute strangers, someone mistakes Hayley as straight, and Hayley does a truly unfortunate DIY haircut (that she cannot be held responsible for––it was a crisis!). But when Talia and Hayley finally manage to score dates, will they be able to get out of their own way and really dive into the romances they deserve? Or is summer love not as far off as Hayley thought?

Don't Be a Drag by Skye Quinlan

When eighteen-year-old Briar Vincent's mental health takes a turn for the worst, her parents send her to spend the summer in New York City with her older brother, Beau, also known as the drag queen Bow Regard.

Backstage at the gay bar where Beau performs, Briar just wants to be a fly on the wall, but she can't stand by when the cute but conceited drag king Spencer Read tries to put down another up-and-coming performer. To prove to him that even a brand-new performer could knock him off his pedestal, Briar signs up for the annual drag king competition.

There's just one flaw in her plan: Briar has never done drag before.

With the help of her brother and a few new friends, Briar becomes Edgar Allan Foe, a drag king hellbent on taking Spencer down. But unless she can learn how to shake her anxiety and perform, she doesn't stand a chance of winning Drag King of the Year, overcoming her depression and inner demons, or avoiding falling for her enemy, who might not be so bad after all.

[goingbuggy]

I loved your idea for film blue & reading your response reminded me of a theory I have about the shuggy dynamic & since I love your meta I'd love your take.

Do you think Oda is trying to imply that the Shuggy fallout is not only a personal loss, but a loss for the world as a whole? There's a lot of talk lately about Shanks' personal failings with interpersonal skills & coincidentally that's where Buggy's strength lies.

In fact the Shuggy dynamic is sort of written in a way where they make up for what the others lack so I wonder if the miscommunication with them is also supposed to make us believe the world would've been better had they stuck together?

Buggy was the first of the two to recognize the danger with Blackbeard and it's when he isn't in Shanks life anymore that Blackbeard was able to hurt him. Buggy didn't rise up in the world until way later in life despite his charisma, but Shanks did fairly quickly. We can see how Buggy being a warlord/emperor is setting into motion big events at a seemingly quicker pace than Shanks ever did (intentional or not). Imagine if they had set out as co leaders way back when? Would Shanks be as passive or would Buggy's ambition & anxiety push him to be more proactive in whatever it is he's supposed to do on behalf of Roger.

With the anime finally animating the loguetown breakup/fallout and to be reminded of Buggy being pushed to reclaim his dreams because Shanks is also heading for the One Piece I'm starting to think Oda is writing them as a delayed destiny type of thing. That they were always supposed to carry on Roger's will together & the biggest mistake of the past is anyone thinking only one of Roger's apprentices was supposed to be his heir so to speak. They were supposed to be a team not rivals.

Last thing I want to bring up is how Luffy keeps being put in Shanks' shoes when it comes to his crew except where Shanks failed Luffy didn't. The Usopp conflict in Water 7/Eneis Lobby especially plays like a 2nd Shanks & Buggy fall out to me.

Not only are Buggy & Usopp both extremely insecure in their own power, but they too interpreted their friends words/actions as a slap to the face. However Luffy was able & willing to do the work to close the distance between his Nakama & resolve the miscommunication while Shanks just...gave up essentially. Being not only an example of how Luffy can do what Shanks never could, but also the new generation succeeding where the last one failed. I can't help but think when we learn Shanks & Buggy's history Oda intends for us to think about this parallel and view it as mistake.

So I wouldn't be surprised if we got at least one more reunion between Shuggy & when we do they come to this realization that they have a chance to correct the mistakes of the past and team up for something significant in terms of plot. That their destiny's lie with eachother not against.

thoughts?

I think this is the first time someone has sent me an ask that's not anonymous. This made me really happy, so thank you, and hi!

Is "I agree and disagree" a proper answer? I don't know. I think you're right in that the "evolved" (emotionally mature, post character-growth) versions of Shanks and Buggy could have accomplished a lot together. But that's just it -- in order to evolve, you have to start somewhere. It's like expecting Luffy to still be able to protect his crew the way he does now without going through the tragedy at Sabaody and Marineford. Shanks and Buggy were always fated to part, because they needed to grow separately to meet back up again as true and equal counterparts. To change, you've got to experience things that make you realize you need to change.

I think there is a world where Buggy would've followed Shanks and been on his crew, but in that world, he also would've never addressed the root of his problem: his own insecurity. He needed to go out on his own to find himself. "Would Shanks be as passive?" "Would Buggy's ambition and anxiety push him to be more proactive in whatever it is he's supposed to do on behalf of Roger?" The questions you're asking are insightful and fun thought experiments, but in my opinion, a narrative impossibility. Loguetown Buggy would never follow a Shanks that fell back on Laughtale, and Loguetown Shanks will always prioritize his idea of the "greater good." So when you say the world would be better "had they stuck together," I half-disagree, because I don't think this hypothetical world could ever exist. (Also, from an author's standpoint, it feels like cheating your way to the end without earning it -- bypassing all the juicy stuff about character writing, like the internal and external conflicts which push characters to change.)

However, the idea that they're destined to carry on Roger's legacy together is such a great idea -- I love that! It warms my heart. I've always viewed Roger's will as something split between Buggy and Luffy, but what you proposed is something I can totally get behind. And I could 100% see Oda going in that direction.