#dialogue on the kind of trauma and abuse from power a setting will remember

[katabay]

SURGICAL SELF EXORCISM

so I was reading a text (as I usually am) on don quixote (thanks to re4make) and came across this one, and immediately started connecting thematic dots like there's no tomorrow

the wound fingering is because it's fun and sexy, and the adjacent catholicism of both settings makes this kind of imagery free real-estate to go wild with

[elenille]

We tried watching Matilda the Musical movie last night.

We got to about 20-30 mins in before we turned it off. 

The 1996 movie was a huge part of my childhood and I adore musicals, so I was very disappointed in this new adaptation I was really looking forward to seeing.

If I had to use a word to describe it, it would be “grating”.

The pacing was horrendous - sudden, jerky jumps from one scene to the next, hurried dialogues, this constant feeling of being in a rush to somewhere that really prevented me from immersing myself in the movie. If it had been my first time seeing the film with no previous knowledge of the source material whatsoever, I think I wouldn’t have been able to remember half the character’s names, much less their backstories or the plot lines. How can you make a movie for CHILDREN without giving them the time to process the information they are receiving through their eyes and ears simultaneously?

The visuals were so, so, so garish and phony. Don’t get me wrong, I love the atmosphere of a colorful, kind of “fake” set (I’m thinking about shows like Pushing Daisies, for instance), but here it just felt like an over-saturated punch to the face. No subtlety whatsoever.

And the worst part was the music for me. There was literally not a catchy tune or line that I can recall. It was so unremarkable and forgettable. The songs all sounded like regular, written lines they forced the children to sing, for some reason. And there were SO MANY of them. Literally a song every couple of minutes! As said at the top, I adore musicals, but it’s not blurting into song every thirty seconds that makes them what they are. If I think back, for instance, to how wonderfully Galavant did it, back in the day, the contrast is even more jarring. So, not only is the pacing dreadfully rushed, not only we get no real introduction to the characters, not only we skip from set to set in the blink of an eye, but now we also have to pay double attention because somebody started singing once again, and if we’re (un)lucky it’s something that has nothing to do with the story or the current situation at all. Oh, and I’m really awfully sorry to say this, but screaming is not singing. Because that’s what the children were doing in my opinion. Screaming. It was nerve-wrecking.

Last of all, I didn’t understand a lot of the choices they made in the movie (in the short time I watched, of course). What was the point of removing Matilda’s brother and adding that librarian lady character (I don’t recall the name), for instance? Matilda’s brother used to be a great point of paragon with which to compare their parents’ behavior, not to mention one of the catalysts to her powers and inner change. The librarian lady was completely pointless to me. I felt they just wanted to point out that Matilda reads in the most obvious way possible, while also omitting completely her hopeful and joyful journey through literature the way the first movie did - “So Matilda’s strong young mind continued to grow, nurtured by the voices of all those authors who had sent their books out into the world like ships on the sea. These books gave Matilda a hopeful and comforting message: You are not alone.” Also, her presence cheapened the later bond between Matilda and Ms. Honey: if she already had a positive, loving adult presence in her life whom she liked and trusted, what could be new in her relationship with Ms. Honey?

Her parents were one of the biggest disappointments. The horrible abuse they put her through was so downplayed and sanitized - it sounded like the one thing they had against her was that she was not a boy. There was zero backstory to why Matilda was the way she was: we got her already fully formed and ready, with no grounds for us to empathize with or relate to her.

And WHERE exactly was her trauma? Her lonely, painful, scarring childhood? Instead of a shy, fearful, humble, mistreated child I saw a brash, bold, entitled, spiteful little kid, who had no qualms punishing her parents and standing up to just about anyone who disagreed with her, her empowerment more one of loud, brutish sauciness than a heartwarming discovery of trust, self-worth and self-confidence.

Anyway, I’m very sorry, but there was just no magic in it for me. It was very Netflix, very 2022. I don’t think I’m gonna finish it anytime soon.

[namyks]

Themes in C2, and why Lucien makes for a perfect BBEG.

So, now that we’re coming up on the end of the campaign, I wanted to just talk about some of the themes of campaign 2. The three major themes that I found through out C2 are a group of broken people coming together to fight the whims of fate and becoming a found family, abuse, specifically from family, and fighting back against a corrupt authority. It’s not well written at all, but I’ve been wanting to talk about this stuff for awhile now. Under a read more, ‘cause this is long.

The first point I won’t talk about too much, as it’s literally one of the themes of almost any narrative focused ttrpg game. I will say that while the found family aspect of C2 was handled better than C1, as a result the world of Wildemount doesn’t feel as fleshed out. The MN are a naturally untrusting, and morally ambiguous group and as such, they never really set up roots anywhere. The closest we got was either Nicodranas or the Xorhaus, and those are more places to rest rather than an actual home. This also lead to them having significantly less connections than VM, with their only major allies being Yussa, Pumat, and Essek. They kind of have the respect of the Bright Queen, but that never really went anywhere. Having said all of that, one of the biggest strengths of C2 is that everybody had a well defined and established relationship with one another. Not to take potshots at C1, but some character relations were almost entirely ignored, outside of one quick dialogue between one another.

As far as abuse was concerned, almost every single member of the Nein was abused, with Molly and Cad being the exceptions that prove the rule. I don’t have to talk about Beau or Caleb, as their abuse and trauma was spelled out pretty easily. Yasha’s entire clan ruined her life because she loved the wrong person and forced her to Obann. Veth’s village seemed to see her, and treat her, as an outsider because she liked “weird” things, which lead her to doubting her own abilities and possibly being a root to her alcholism. Fjord had Sabian, the orphanage, and to an extent Vandren. Vandren’s abuse was more of showing toxic leadership to Fjord, which Fjord attempted to copy, up until he realized how shit it was and turned into the leader we saw in those last couple of episodes. And as much as we understand and can empathize with Marion, locking up a child and isolating her from people that weren’t either employees or clients inside of a house, regardless of how gilded it may be, is a horrible thing to do.

I don’t think any of the Nein particularly care for authority, and most are 100% down to topple corrupt regimes if they fuck with them. I remember at least  Beau and Jester had specific instructions from the Cobalt Soul and Arty respectively to punish those that used their power for wrong. But even outside of that, Caleb wants to burn the assembly down so it can be remade to be better, Fjord seems to believe in interpersonal hierarchies/chains of command but has no trust in government institutions as shown by his mistrust of the BQ, and complete lack of want to get involved with Dwendalian politics unless they fucked with the Nein first.

As far as Lucien being the BBEG is concerned, I think he represents every one of the themes in a relatively unique way. Of course, they initially found out about him because they wanted to help out Molly, and that’s been one of the main ways they’ve been dealing with his bullshit, both narratively and from the boss fight. It’s also worth noting that he saw the Tomb Takers more as pawns and tools, rather than companions, which spits right in the face of how the Nein treat each other. Lucien’s monologue before he blew up the Somnovem is one of the things that really got me thinking about most of the Nein having abusive parental figures. He mentions wanting to be a parent to the hive-mind, and that just really resonated with me as a horribly shitty thing to do. He also attempts to gaslights the MN, and always pushes the responsibility of his shitty actions against them onto the Nein. The authoritative bit goes with his abusive nature, he’s a narcissist and wants everything else to share in his beliefs and ideals, and will force that on them via Cognoza if they refuse him. 

All of this is so completely the opposite of how the Nein operate, that I can’t see anyone else working as a final boss other than the risen form of their old friend, who is pushing for things none of them would want, in a way none of them agree with.

Thanks for listening to me ramble if you got this far.

[melonsmessymusings]

Preventing ‘Dark Willow’

This essay is based off an argument with my brother a long time ago. The question is if Giles staying in Sunnydale in S6 would have prevented Darth Rosenberg. There are many thoughts on this, but I’ve probably put my foot in my mouth as per usual and made a mess. 

No. Giles staying in S6 would not have prevented Willow from being a magic junkie. 

Throughout the show, magic is used as a metaphor for drugs and sex, albeit ham-handedly. In this case, it’s about drugs. With this in mind, let’s focus firstly on Willow. From as early as S1, Willow expressed an interest in learning magic. Her relationship with Jenny Calendar and her Technopagan badassery led to her forming what seemed at first to be a harmless interest in magic and Paganism. Towards the end of S2 in I Only Have Eyes For You, Willow admits to Giles: “I found loads of websites and stuff on paganism and magic... it’s really interesting.” which demonstrates her interest may be a little more than purely ‘educational fun’.

Her first taste of powerful magicks was restoring Angel’s soul at the end of S2. In Becoming Part 1, Giles warns Willow of the consequences of such mystical forces: “Channelling such potent magicks through yourself… it may open a door you won’t be able to close.” The Passion of the Nerd touched upon it briefly and explained the choice of phrasing is especially key here. It’s not as simple as a one-off spell that has no ramifications, the nature of the Soul Restoration uses a kind of magic that will stay with the caster forever. It leaves a mark. As we know, Willow does the spell anyway after waking up from a coma (don’t even go there) and successfully restores Angel’s soul. This is how her addiction started and it is the ONLY explicitly direct warning of the impact caused by using magicks that Giles gives her.

In Faith, Hope and Trick, Willow tries to persuade Giles to let her help him with the ‘spell’ to bind Acathla and lets slip that she knows more about the black arts than she’d originally led him to believe. There’s an interesting bit of dialogue between the two:

WILLOW: Are you mad at me?

GILES: No, of course not, no.

It’s obvious that Giles is anxious about this but because of his well-established role and priorities at this point, he’s not going to dwell on it too much, despite it being a genuine concern. Later in the episode, Willow also says, “Giles, I know you don’t like me messing with mystical forces…” so it has evidently been the topic of discussion previously. In Gingerbread, Willow is messing with magic again trying to make a protection spell for Buffy. The symbol used by Willow, Amy and that other kid is one commonly associated with human sacrifices according to Giles. The Black Arts. Even if that isn’t the spell they were casting, the symbol had other less pleasant implications. And so, it continues. By S4, Willow is doing much more than floating a pencil, progressing alarmingly quickly and becoming highly proficient by the end of the season. Giles reminds her of the dangers of magic subtly, “I don’t think it’s wise for you to be attempting spells, your energy is too unfocused” and Willow is still doing magic that is both powerful and harmful enough to have caught the attention of D’Hoffryn, Lord of the Vengeance Demons despite his apprehensions.

In S5 we get a first look at ‘Dark Willow’, when Tara gets brain sucked by Glory. There’s no way the whole gang didn’t know about that. Not a chance. Yet oddly, it’s never mentioned? Obviously, the writers had other priorities with the main plot and Glory etc. but it was criminally neglected. Willow used extremely dangerous dark magicks to go after Glory for hurting Tara at incredible risk to herself and the others who ended up having to rescue her. Justifiable or not, her actions were a reckless abuse of power that very nearly had fatal consequences. How any of them just let it slide without so much as a comment is infuriating. In The Weight of The World, Giles says to Xander, “It’s extraordinarily advanced” when he learns that Willow is trying to enter Buffy’s mind yet again, concerned. Also, we start to see the black eyes when Willow attempts more advanced spells, like teleporting Glory away in Blood Ties, or casting the protective wards in Spiral so it can be theorised that the magicks Willow evokes are steadily darkening.

Roll on S6. Set after Buffy’s death, a huge trauma for all the characters. Willow raising Buffy is evidently a massive achievement from her perspective. She considers herself to be a God. In Flooded, she gets the gut-punch from Giles that he is not in fact pleased with her at all. She’d expected him to be “impressed or something” which he was, but in the wrong ways.

GILES: The magicks you channelled are more ferocious and primal than anything you can hope to understand, and you are lucky to be alive you rank, arrogant amateur!

He blames himself for not stopping her, and rightfully so... to an extent. He failed to provide her with proper guidance or even show an interest in the types of magic that she was engaging with. If he had done so at an earlier stage, then perhaps Willow would not have taken things as far as she did. One interpretation of the argument in Flooded is that Giles is lashing out at Willow because he’s frightened. Most likely for Willow instead of Willow herself. He makes a point of saying that she was “the one [I] trusted most to respect the forces of nature” and bringing Buffy back defies the laws of nature. She had no respect for these forces, bending them to her will which is a scary concept. The argument that the Scoobies were selfish for bringing Buffy back notwithstanding, Willow was the one that actually performed the spell, hell bent in succeeding. That horrifies Giles and if anything, is a wakeup call for him to pull his head out of the sand and deal with this seriously. Willow meanwhile doesn’t want to hear a word of it, pacifying him instead of actually understanding the implications of her actions and listening to anything beyond his anger. There’s a lot that could be dissected in this scene but that’s unnecessary at this moment.

Magic is also the primary factor that caused Willow and Tara to split up at the end of Tabula Rasa. Tara had brought her concerns to Willow as early as Tough Love, saying that she was ‘scared’ about how powerful Willow was getting. When Tara tried to explain why she felt this way, Willow refused to listen. Every single time that Tara raised a concern about Willow’s use of magic, Willow either ignored it or reassured her that it was fine, and she was totally in control. But Willow has a history of altering people and their actions to suit her. She attempted to do so in Lover’s Walk by casting a spell on Xander to stop them having feelings for each other. Again, in Something Blue, while unaware of the effects of the spell, she still made the conscious choice to use magic to ‘have her will be done’. She ended up hurting her friends, however unintentionally. Then in S6 when Tara and Willow are arguing about magic, instead of having a proper conversation, Willow uses the Lethe’s Bramble to make Tara forget they were even arguing. A direct invasion of her mind. And Willow didn’t show any indication that she thought it was wrong. Barely two episodes later, Willow then used a spell which caused everyone to forget who they are after promising Tara that she would go a week without using magic. It’s no surprise that Tara wanted to break up.

Willow does get ‘clean’ by Entropy. Subsequently Tara comes back, and it all seems to go well until the brutal, vicious, non-sensical murder that causes Willow to launch herself back into the dark magicks stating, “I’m not coming back.” Only then does Giles do something about it. Only then does he take it upon himself to step up and realise that he has failed her, by which point it was far too late and resulted in her very nearly killing him, a price he deemed a suitable penance for his neglect.

But NOT ONCE prior to this did Giles intervene. He had the resources and was capable of it, and not once did he sit her down properly and say, “Willow, I think we need to talk about your use of magic because I’m a tad concerned.” Even after resurrecting Buffy, he only chastises her for her recklessness, he doesn’t actively do anything beyond this except a few powerful glares. He is watching her make all the mistakes he made as a young rapscallion and doing nothing about it. Then in S7, he fulfils the mentor role to her and helps keep on track of her recovery, an older addict helping the younger. It just highlights that he could have helped her sooner before it was out of control.

This comes back to Giles’ basic structure as a character. He’s a Watcher, the mentor to the Slayer. His purpose is to be in Sunnydale for Buffy. His whole life is revolved around Buffy, she is factored into every single one of his decisions. He never signed up to be the ‘father-figure’, despite appearing to adopt that role very quickly. He never signed up to care for Xander and Willow, he isn’t the Watcher of them. He has never given any indication that he wants that responsibility, and it shouldn’t fall to him to care for a group of random teenagers. It’s this fundamental construction of Giles’ character that means that he’s borderline dependant on Buffy, which isn’t her fault at all. He sacrifices everything, even parts of himself for her and most of the time gets nothing in return. The point is that Giles is so busy being a Watcher that he can’t think of anything else. It’s not necessarily his fault, that’s exactly how he was trained, and arguably after the whole Eyghon debacle, it’s unlikely that he ever truly had faith in his judgement again. Remember when Giles put Buffy before Jenny, the woman he loves? Buffy comes first, always because the mission is what matters.

On a more speculative note, Giles was aware of Willow’s obsession with magic and didn’t know what to do, instead choosing to believe that he wanted to help her, but he didn’t trust himself to teach her the control she needed. It does narratively fit for Giles to be reluctant to help Willow learn the magicks given his past. However, he neglected her and is at least partially to blame for Willow becoming a magic junkie. He had every opportunity over YEARS to step in and offer her a proper education. He had the skills and if he were hesitant, certainly had the connections to find someone who would teach Willow properly, e.g., the Coven in Devon. The audience is acutely aware after The Dark Age that Giles has a history of abusing dark magic. Note that throughout the series, he does not actually use that much magic himself. This abuse led to Giles having to murder one of his friends among whatever else he and his ‘friends’ got up to, which means he knows full well the ramifications of messing with that kind of power and doesn’t want to go down that rabbit hole again. Magic is an addiction and he’s a recovering addict.

Equally, Willow never asked Giles for help. It’s all very well blaming him for being negligent and grossly irresponsible, but she didn’t ask him to teach her. She didn’t ask him for guidance or whatever, at least not memorably. Assume that he did help her. That he trained her and gave her a proper education in the magicks. There’s no guarantee that any of that would have prevented Willow from taking it too far. Willow has an addictive personality and therefore it makes logical sense for her to become addicted to magic. Ultimately, Giles could have spent years training her, but he can’t make decisions for her, nor does he wish to. Willow is her own person, a bright, capable young woman who is an adult. He cannot push her to do anything and it’s not in his nature to do so. Dark Willow is an inevitability in a sense.

Essentially while Giles staying in Sunnydale would’ve been preferable on a personal level, it would have made very little difference as to whether Willow would abuse the magicks. She’d already done so on countless occasions with no intervention therefore he likely wouldn’t have interfered until it was too little too late. It’s not that he doesn’t care for Willow, but he had other priorities, right or wrong. Should he have helped her? Absolutely. But it takes two to Tango...

[heavencollins]

Top 10 Films of 2020: Part One

2020 was a rough year for a lot of reasons, but even more rough due to the lack of an existent film industry for over half of the year.  Sure, there are small productions happening and movies being released on VOD, as well as some in theatres, but so many great films were pushed back this year—movies I was excited to possibly have on my top ten.  Minari, Promising Young Woman, Zola, The Green Knight, Saint Maud.  Okay most of those are A24 releases but A24 literally released next to none of their slate for this year and it’s one of the most disappointing things to happen in the entertainment industry in my opinion.  

Alas, I still found cinema through streaming, paying $20 for a VOD rental, and those amazing $1.80 rentals from Redbox (remember when they were only a dollar?  because I do).  And honestly?  It was probably the hardest time curating a top ten that I’ve had in a long time; with so much just available through the internet and owning every single popular streaming service, it was both impossible to watch everything I wanted but also since I watched a lot of what i wanted, I ended up loving most of it.  For a year that was so dismal in every other way possible, the films that were released ended up being a shining light more often than not.  Of course, like every other year, a lot of hot garbage came out too, but that isn’t the focus of this—the great, amazing, can’t believe these are real films.  

So let’s start from number ten.  This was my first and only $20 rental this year, starring a man who I personally admire: Pete Davidson.  

10. The King Of Staten Island, directed by Judd Apatow and written by Judd Apatow, Pete Davidson, and Dave Sirus.  

Judd Apatow is one of the first directors who I watched religiously, and hearing that he was doing a film with Pete Davidson that was essentially based on Davidson’s life meant that I knew I’d have to watch it.  Scott, played by Davidson, is a twenty-something with no direct path in life; he lives with his mother, his sister is going off to college—something he never attempted—and he has no real career.  His father died in a large building structure fire, much like Davidson’s actual father, a firefighter who passed away while responding to the twin towers during 9/11.  Scott is emotionally a wreck, plagued with depression and anxiety, a chronic weed smoker, and dreams of being a tattoo artist that he practices by tattooing his group of rag-tag friends, but none of the tattoos are very great.  

The thing about an Apatow film is they border the line between comedy and drama very well, kind of a complicated little dance.  But, King of Staten Island is very much a drama more than a comedy.  Bill Burr plays Ray, the father of a kid that Scott tattoos earlier on in the film.  Ray comes stomping up to Scott’s mother’s house, and Margie, played by Marissa Tomei, opens the door.  It’s essentially love at first sight.  She hasn’t dated since Scott’s father passed, and to make matters worse, Ray is also a firefighter.  This complicates emotions for Scott, as he loves his mother but also doesn’t know how to deal with the feeling that his mother is finally moving on and may face heartbreak again.  

Davidson puts it all on the table in this film.  It’s poignant and realistic; at the start, Scott is driving down the highway and closes his eyes, way longer than you should.  It sets the tone from the start that this man isn’t okay, but also he’s scared of dying because as soon as he opens his eyes again and sees he may be about to crash, he quickly panics and readjusts his wheel.  This struck a chord with me as most people know that Davidson has struggled with suicidal thoughts in the past.  It’s a beautiful film that memorializes both how much Davidson’s father meant to him, but also the cycles of grief and trauma that last throughout your life.  

9: Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn), directed by Cathy Yan and written by Christina Hodson.

Suicide Squad is one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen period, fact.  Birds of Prey is one of the best movies I’ve ever seen period, fact.  I never, ever, ever thought I’d see a day where a DC movie was in my top ten, but this year anything is possible.  Birds of Prey is a display of feminism, badassery, and all around perfection.  You jump right into the story, hearing Margot Robbie’s classic Harley Quinn voice laid over an animation showing what we missed in her life so far, which means you don’t have to have any previous knowledge of the other films.  Birds of Prey is meant to stand alone from any other movie preceding this one, and that’s just part of why it’s so great.

This film knows not to take itself too seriously.  Margot Robbie is a dream as Harley Quinn, using just the right amount of playfulness to put a little edge on her, while also maintaining the manic-panic-pixie-dream-girl effect.  Perhaps the best scene is when Harley goes and purchases the perfect egg breakfast sandwich, and then she drops it, causing a dramatic slow motion effect that proves she really does love that sandwich more than anything in the world.  Or her realistic apartment, nothing truly fancy, just a little hole in the wall above a rundown Chinese restaurant.  But then she has an amazing ensemble of other women actors around her, which are what really uplift her performance. 

The funhouse fight scene at the end may be the best in superhero movie history.  I mean, I guess, is Harley Quinn really a superhero?  She’s kind of the anti-hero, which is what makes her so great.  She’s somebody who isn’t even close to perfect but she still succeeds and tries to help and uplift the other women on her team.  There’s just something special about this movie that made me smile and laugh the entire time.  It’s a reminder that it’s okay to have fun every once in a while.  

8: The Assistant, directed and written by Kitty Green.

For those who don’t know, I work as an assistant during the day for a small business here in Vermont.  The work is mundane but it’s a job that’s giving me experience for the future.  In The Assistant, Jane, played by Julia Garner, is an assistant to a “powerful entertainment mogul.”  She gets lunch, answers phones, is the first one into the office, the last one out of the office, finds herself overshadowed by her male counterparts and getting the majority of the “grunt” work, and becomes more and more aware of what’s really going on at this office throughout a day in her life.  

What’s interesting about this film is nothing is ever seen; everything Jane starts to feel is just based on intuition.  Her boss is tricky, finding ways to keep his abuse of women out of the public eye, out of the eye of any female employees.  This is obviously in response to #MeToo, Times Up, and the Harvey Weinstein news from the last few years, and it works surprisingly well as a film that just unnerves you and gets under your skin.  

The reality of assault in the film industry is that until it’s widely public and known, nobody is going to know about it.  You can report it to your company, to other women, to other men, to anybody, and nobody will take you seriously until they either experience it themselves or know somebody else who has.  The Assistant hits the ball out of the park with the ending, even if it doesn’t give a vindictive satisfaction to viewers, because it’s simply the truth of the matter.  

7: Tenet, directed and written by Christopher Nolan.

I really don’t know what to say about this one.  It’s really controversial to like it but I absolutely LOVED this movie, it’s pure fucking vibes.  A lot of people are cinema purists, which I am not, and will never claim to be, which was a huge deal with this film.  Personally, this works way better at home than it ever would in a theater.  It’s slightly long, the sound mixing makes it so it can be hard to hear dialogue over loud noises and the score, and it’s the type of movie you may have to rewind  a few times.  

My partner and I watched this in 4K Ultra HD with subtitles on, and let me tell you, it was amazing.  Everything about the acting, the diversity in the film, the fact that Nolan literally has a character say “Don’t try to understand it, just experience it”???? VIBES.  That’s all I can say about it.  Plus, Elizabeth Debicki plays an actual badass who stands against her abuser and that enough is five stars.  A tall queen standing up against her short joker—absolute feminism.  

Sure, no character gets any development, but is that seriously necessary for every film?  It’s an action flick about time and space and none of it makes sense and you can’t force it to.  Why does everything need to make sense in a time where we are literally living through a pandemic?  Just sit back, relax, and enjoy the experience of Tenet.  It’s more fun when you don’t take it seriously.  

6: The Devil All The Time, directed by Antonio Campos and written by Antonio Campos, Donald Ray Pollock, and Paulo Campos.

I never read the book this was based on, but this film made me want to.  I love a film where multiple plot lines converge into one central story and this one did it so well, all with the same theme surrounding every single character: the guilt of sin and how no matter how much you think you can save yourself, you can’t truly save yourself.  I’m not a huge fan of Tom Holland, but he shines as Arvin from beginning to end.  Pattinson brings a creepy southern preacher to life with an accent that he will never be able to match again.  Keough gives a performance you can only sympathize with as you know she’s being manipulated the entire time.  Every character in this is corrupt in their own way but some in worse ways than others.

I don’t know how much to say about this one without spoiling it, either, because the core of this film is on the characters and what leads to their untimely ends, because pretty much everybody ends up dead.  It’s grim and dark but it’s so beautiful and tells the story in a way that keeps you interested throughout the entire run time.  It surprised me but there’s never truly been a Robert Pattinson starring movie that I’ve hated, so am I really surprised?  I’m a TwiHard at heart even at age 22. 

[verdantsyren]

Catra’s hair throughout She Ra and how it was not given the treatment it deserved: an essay

This is a more in depth analysis of Catra’s hair throughout She Ra, inspired by this post here and the replies on it. I highly recommend reading the replies, as they have excellent information about the horrible effects of imposed hair cutting on different cultures.

I do think that Prime cutting Catra’s hair could’ve been a really powerful statement on trauma and removed anatomy if they had properly explored it more. Hair is such a powerful way to convey the personality or emotions of another person, and should absolutely be utilized in this kind of storytelling, but you have to utilize it correctly. 

For example, I think Catra removing her ear tufts because that’s how Shadow Weaver manipulates her is a really good way to show her emotional state; Catra starts losing pieces of herself and sometimes even removing said pieces of herself to try and protect herself.

However, She Ra has a problem in how they do this: They don’t show or really mention it in the show, at all.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but do they actually mention Catra cutting her hair tufts at all? They certainly don’t show it. Hell, I don’t remember any other characters really mentioning it.

Can you imagine how powerful it would’ve been to see Catra, so sick of abuse and manipulation, cut off her ear tufts at the sink or on top of her perch in the Fright Zone? Watch the hair sit on the floor or float away in the wind, Catra steel her face and smooth down her hair. We could’ve watched her leave those vulnerabilities in the bathroom, or climb down from her perch with a new steel in her gaze. There didn’t have to be dialogue about Shadow Weaver or anything, just Catra and her hair. It could’ve added more to her character.

Or they could’ve had Adora notice. You know, Catra’s best friend through childhood/enemy who would most definitely notice a change like that? They could’ve had Adora in some way mention them being gone, and you just see this brief change in Catra’s expression, or a slip up, or something that gives away what getting rid of the tufts meant to her. 

These could’ve been so powerful. But instead it isn’t even addressed, only really explained outside of the show.

I do think that in Season 4, they do a good job of showing Catra trying to control her hair. She smooths it down whenever she gets frustrated or upset, or is in some way trying to control herself. It’s a developed anxious motion, something people with anxiety often have. I personally used to fiddle with my hair often, a nervous tick I developed as a child. I think it helps highlight how much she desperately craves control of herself, and her hair seems to be the only way she really can try.

Then Season 5 hits. And I honestly hate the fact that they don’t address Catra’s short hair. Prime cutting Catra’s hair is huge, because it removes the one thing throughout the show that she undoubtedly controlled. Beforehand, Catra cutting her hair was a sign of her trying to shed her past abuse. But with Prime, him cutting her hair is abuse. Him cutting her hair shows that she is without any anatomy while on Prime’s Ship. But again, the problem here is that they don’t address it on the show, and it’s really frustrating because there is so much they could’ve done with this. It could’ve set Catra’s redemption story apart because OP is correct, she did not get the choice.

Again, imagine a scene with Catra where she wakes up on the BFS’s ship. She starts panicking, but reaches up to smooth down her hair like she did literally ALL OF SEASON 4, but it stops once she gets to her neck. Imagine her scrambling for a mirror/reflective surface to see what she looks like, and the broken face when she realizes that the one thing she used to control is gone. Maybe have the faint whisper of Horde Prime in the background, or the ghost of scissors clipping together. A haunting wisp of memory.

Imagine after that, maybe Adora or Bow mention her hair, and Catra freaks out. Glimmer goes and finds Catra later messing with her hair, freaking out because she’s never had hair like this before and it wasn’t her choice and she never gets to choose--

But Glimmer is there, and Glimmer’s had short hair for years. And Glimmer tells Catra that she’ll help her style it the way she wants, because she understands what it’s like to lose control to Horde Prime. They then show Catra deciding to cut it shorter with Glimmer’s help. Not only does it show her trying to have some agency over herself in this dire situation, but it shows her and Glimmer once again connecting over shared trauma and experiences. And maybe even after they fix up her hair, Catra is still allowed to mourn; she still reaches for the hair that isn’t there, or she starts looking for different ways to style it with Glimmer’s help. Maybe a few comments about her being excited to grow it out again.

Something like that could’ve been so good! I think that, acknowledging Catra’s emotions and actions when she changes herself, would’ve made her redemption so much better. Because here’s the main issue with Catra cutting her hair: in the show, it doesn’t add anything to her redemption. 

For example, when Korra cuts her hair in Legend of Korra, that is her choice. She is the one making the change. It shows that she is the one working on herself, recovering from her trauma. Obviously Korra isn’t really going through a redemption arc like Catra, but they are still both going through significant changes after traumatic events. 

However, in Catra’s case, what would’ve changed if Prime had left her hair the same? Nothing. Nobody mentioned it in the first place, it didn’t seem to affect Catra at all. He could’ve put her hair in a ponytail and still achieved the same end. 

That’s what, at least to me, is really frustrating about Catra’s hair change in season 5 from a storyteller’s standpoint; in the show and to the characters, it doesn’t really add anything to her redemption. Whereas with the changes I stated above, it could’ve been a point of her trying to reclaim her anatomy, connecting with those around her, and a whole other load of things better writers than I could come up with. And this would’ve only been strengthened by better highlighting the changes she made to her hair in earlier seasons!

And finally, in the original post I linked up top, the replies talked a lot about how hair is so important to other cultures, and Prime cutting Catra’s hair without consent to make her fit in with his clones is incredibly similar to how white colonizers cut native people’s hair to force them to assimilate into white culture. She Ra could’ve been a commentary on how absolutely horrible and harmful this sort of practice is by showing how negatively it affects Catra. But it didn’t do any of that. It could’ve given Catra a new avenue of agency, but it didn’t. She Ra could’ve done so much more for this part of her redemption arc, and they could’ve started a discussion on the terrors of assimilation in colonization, but they didn’t.

Like I said up top, I highly recommend reading those replies on the original post to learn more and educate yourself about this topic. Thank you to anyone who read this, and I’m sorry it’s such a chunk of text. Once I saw the original post, I just couldn’t think about anything else til I wrote this beast of a text post.

[frumfrumfroo]

My best friend has never seen Star Wars but went to TROS with friends. She doesn’t watch/read Sci-Fi or fantasy. She teaches literature, & somehow her take on the movie was that it was good if somewhat simplistic. She said she saw the clear vision of good vs evil, the Jesus allusion, the Romeo/Juliet allusion, & hope/love save the day. I love your meta & don’t have the same skill in explaining why the story doesn’t work. Could you share some points that a non-Star Wars person would understand?

I haven’t and will never actually watch this film in its entirety, so I’m not really the best person to give you a detailed breakdown addressing it on its own merits instead of why the concluding beats are inexcusable in context.

But I would hope someone who teaches literature would know better than to think there’s anything like a coherent vision of good and evil here? Would know what Romeo and Juliet is actually about and that it has nothing whatsoever in common with this nonsense?

This isn’t Romeo and Juliet. R&J is about the idealistic lovers as causalities of a pointless conflict based on pride and stubborn clinging on to hatred the source of which isn’t even remembered. The opposing sides aren’t functionally or morally different, it’s just prejudice. The avoidable and unnecessary nature of the lover’s deaths is the thematic centre of the narrative.

In Star Wars the war is a metaphor for the conflict going on in the human spirit between selfishness and love (aka compassion, aka selflessness). The Empire/First Order/Dark Side are straight up evil and there is no compromise possible with them. People on the dark side can be saved, people in the First Order can be saved, but they are on the wrong side and the good guys are right to fight against that side. The problem in the galaxy is selfish choices and selfish choices create evil, but love is always stronger than violence and love is productive- choosing love is choosing life. There is no punishment and sacrifice is rewarded. Love doesn’t kill you, love sets you free and allows you to live.

R&J is also a tragedy in the most textbook literal sense, where Star Wars is supposed to be an idealistic fairy tale about hope. Maybe people should keep this in mind when comparing the endings. Edit: And I thought it went without saying, but I guess I need to mention: Romeo and Juliet both died. The point was the waste of their lives and their love. Ben dying for Rey to live just has nothing NOTHING to do with that. Sad lovers =/= R&J. Read more than four books ever.

Another anon summed up some points on agency and good/evil:

TRoS is not even remotely good at its own merits, like: judging from the clunky dialogue this is *ostensibly* about Evil being seemingly inevitable and Good being a free active choice, but the story undermines all of that! Finn’s deflection as a result of Force sensitivity, “And I am all the Jedi” and “Rey, Rey Skywalker” present Good in this story as being just another determinist system. The only act of heroic choice is Ben’s, and he still inevitably dies unmourned and unacknowledged             

And what they have done to Rey’s story has completely stripped her of moral agency of any kind. She has power because of her bloodline, she has some kind of ill-defined ‘darkness’ because of her bloodline, nothing organic to her as an individual remains. She has no conflict or moral choice, she’s just Innately Good. This determinism is violently opposed to the message of sw that everyone always has a choice, that evil is something you choose over time, that good is a decision you can ALWAYS make.

Ben’s redemption is completely undermined by making his motivations suddenly totally unclear and predicating his turn on Rey telling him she wanted to take ‘Ben’s hand’. Implying a) that he’s only Ben when he’s good instead of calling him on his bullshit persona and forcing him to accept he’s always Ben b) that her love is conditional c) that he turns not because he has realised he’s wrong about fatalism and the ends justifying the means but because he’s realised Rey will never be with him on the dark side and d) that Rey has never faced any temptations or even considered being selfish by buying into his damaged world view just to be with him.

This is morality chain writing and robs both characters of any resonance. Turning because he wants to be with Rey is not redemption. Rey giving him an ultimatum is not grace or love. There is no SW heroism here.

Rey’s whole battle with Palpatine and death is stupid and makes no sense. She wins with violence and makes no sacrifices. Ben’s sacrifice is arbitrary and not justifiable and doesn’t conclude his arc. It’s a continuation of his enslavement, an abnegation of his identity and legacy when he needed to reclaim it.

My tags for the foundational principles of sw and how they work and also the character tags with posts explaining why this shit don’t make sense for them:

space crime and punishment

Rey

Ben Solo

redemption

the legacy

don’t call the exorcist we got a happy murder pact

Like, everything your friend said is wrong if they think any part of this holds together, but I’ve written dozens of disparate rants on why and I’m not really prepared to summarise atm. The Rey tag is your best bet for some good overviews of TRoS bullshit, and there are some compilations with links further down. Ben tag has more about fatalism (also Luke’s arc in TLJ, also Vader’s only textual set up for redemption in the OT).

Ben dying for her is totally unacceptable predestination rubbish in a moral drama about the power of an individual’s choice. There’s no hope unless he lives because he is the happy ending of the previous trilogies, there’s no hope or light possible in the GFFA unless he lives because if the family’s existence was one of tragedy, failure, and suffering then the Force made a mistake in creating the Skywalkers. Or the Force is not benevolent. It breaks the entire story and all of its mythology.

And they gave Rey everyone else’s arcs (for no reason) after stripping her of hers (for no reason), except she resolves these arcs by being Born Good and never struggling where the characters to whom they organically belonged made meaningful choices. She is handed everything where Ben doesn’t deserve to live because he couldn’t raise himself and couldn’t cope with being abused his entire life without making some mistakes and having some ugly trauma. He redeems himself (BY himself) and it’s still not good enough. Rey makes no heroic unselfish choice, he does and he’s rewarded with death. This makes love and good transactional, it means he needs to pay for Anakin’s sins. He’s a victim and barely comes-of-age, but he’s dead while his family doesn’t give a shit. It’s disgusting.

[sasskarian]

I know you're not exactly a DA blog anymore... But... I just finished DA2 for the very first time and, and. I got myself Inquisition with all DLCs. I need to know what happens. I want the poor baby Cullen to be happy :(

Nonnie, I am still at my heart very much a DA blog (and Mass Effect; I just tend to smear new obsessions everywhere. Like finger painting). I curate my experience as much as I can due to the fandom being shit, but my love for DA is strong and steady. 

The best thing I can say is, play through the game and DLCs. (Tho suggested order is Jaws > Descent > Trespasser) I promise you, Cullen has the option of being happy. I wouldn’t write about it if I didn’t see those paths, and at least some of them are canon. 

I know what you mean, tho. Cullen is, to some of my friends’ dismay, near and dear to my heart. He’s my canon quiz’s romance, for many reasons. The truth is, I struggle with the fandoms’ interpretations of him and was just talking about this with my DA/FO/ME bestie @asaara-writes the other day. I think a lot of Cullen’s trauma is easily missed or overlooked in favor of louder plots (like Fenris’s, who doesn’t get hated on nearly so much for his hatred and distrust of mages, or Anders who hates Templars and is lauded for it. If I see another ANDERS WAS RIGHT banner, I’m gonna overclock somebody’s capacitors)

(Pardon me, I’ll throw this under a cut because wall of text, but I have some got-damn Opinions on Cullen and how the fandom treats him)

But for me, I’m neither in the “Cullen is poor bab who never did anything wrong uwu” or the “Cullen is a horrible bastard and should be set afire” camp. I walk a more moderate line, and here’s why:

I have a Cullen. 

My fiance, he’s... so much like Cullen that it breaks my heart. Military vet, disillusioned with his desire to do good in the world and the realities of corruption and power abuse. Substance abuse issues, and recovery from addiction. Said some bad things/had bad opinions when he was younger due to abuse by certain groups of people, and has since reformed and is trying to continue changing. Abuse survivor. Blood on his hands from his career. Trying his best to find his way in a world that he doesn’t understand. So I see the similarities, and I live with the reality of what that kind of history and life is like. 

Cullen was a fresh-faced 18 year old in the Kinloch Circle (however old his in-game image looks, he was canon 18-20). Which, by canon, was one of the less problematic, more lenient Circles (though you have to have Mage origin to find that stuff out). I don’t think he’d been a Templar long at that point. And he joined the Templars out of a desire to do good in the world. His examples of Templar behavior were those stationed in a small village, who had more leniency and less lawkeeping duties. Honnleath was tiny, and quiet. I’m going on assumption here, on my own history of small towns vs larger cities, that there wasn’t much evidence of power hunger and abuse an eight year old would notice.

Note that he remains kind and even remorseful at some of his duties (for instance, having to attend Harrowings) even under a hateful man like Greagoir.

When Uldred takes over the Circle and kills everyone, Cullen is the last left. He watches possessed mages and demons run wild in his home, killing and torturing his friends. If you’re a mage origin, he talks about how the demons used his feelings and affection for you, inappropriate though they were, to torment him. It’s implied through dialogue that at least some of those demons sexually abused him. 

Yes, in his panic and fresh trauma, he begs the Warden to kill any mages found left in the Circle. I wonder why. Tumblr at large acts like the only way for PTSD and trauma to be exhibited is through cowering and nightmares, but it’s well known among people who have PTSD (including myself) that outrage, hair trigger tempers, and anger issues are as common as crying jags and insomnia. 

After the resolution of Broken Circle, Cullen is reassigned to Kirkwall. Arguably, this is the worst possible Circle he could have been sent to in the entirety of the goddamn world. Not only is Kirkwall famous for increased blood mage activity (both due to history and also due to Templar behavior), which is one of his trauma-groups, but Meredith hates mages, and rules over them with an iron fist. She is fucking crazy, and whether her past makes her a sympathetic villain or not (ymmv), she downright encouraged the abuse of mages and as she loses her mind, we see her start accusing everyone of blood magic. 

Canon states that there are Templars in Kirkwall who sexually abuse mages, who torture them, and who kill them at will, and these are never dealt with. Meredith has no desire to change the way the Gallows is run, and it’s said or implied that before her reign as the overseer, the Gallows-- while still not great-- was not this bad. 

So, freshly traumatized and young Templar is sent to the worst possible place in Thedas, under the command of a crazed mage hater, surrounded by the very thing that will trigger him nigh constantly. I see a lot of the fandom say “well why didn’t he quit/leave?” And I wonder if those fans understand what indoctrination can do. Specifically, military indoctrination. You’re told that the ranks are your home, your family, the only ones who can or will ever understand you. You’re told this for so long that it becomes a life raft. It becomes your world truth. That’s the nature of emotional abuse that fosters codependency: it literally reshapes your world. 

Added to that, Templars are controlled by the Chantry through lyrium, an addictive drug that quitting is difficult and surviving the withdrawal of is often fatal. (that’s another rant entirely that can be summed up as tl;dr fuck the fucking Chantry)

The Templars were the only thing he knew. After that kind of soul-shaking trauma, do you leave behind everything you ever knew? (Remember, he was 13 when he joined into this kind of brainwashing.) No. You cleave to what you can, to what keeps you getting through the day. 

Cullen spent a further ten years in Kirkwall, watching the city fall apart under Qunari, blood magic, and Meredith’s increasing insanity. There was no reprieve for his PTSD: everywhere he turned, there was Something. And yet, we hear in Inquisition (depending on player choices, ofc) Samson say that Cullen tried to continue to be kind. He didn’t abuse mages, he tried to protect them where and how he could. 

[Samson: He arrived after the trouble at the ferelden circle. Cullen jumped at his shadow in those days, always on the watch for abominations and demons. Did right by the mages, though, never played rough with them. Not like Meredith.]

Was it limited? Yes. Was it hampered by circumstance? Yes. Should he have tried harder? Yes. 

But he still tried. 

Does he say regrettable things? Yes. Does he regret those things later? Yes. 

I had a friend, who I am no longer friends with for various reasons, tell me that “If Cullen was a good person, he wouldn’t need a redemption arc.” And... no, No, that’s not how redemption arcs work. Everyone does problematic things. Everyone who grows up brainwashed has to unlearn shit, and atone for shit. 

Cullen still struggles with mages. He still has a deep fear of them. Partly this is the Templar in him talking, partly this is trauma. And, here’s where we break from canon and go deep into psychology land: I think partly because he’s projecting. Cullen cannot imagine forgiveness for what he’s done. I wonder if part of him fears mages because he expects-- perhaps even some part of him desires-- retribution from them for his actions and past. 

And there’s things that have been retconned or that were misleading in previous games. For example, the rumor that Cullen escaped after Broken Circle and went on a mage murdering spree. That was nothing but a rumor, but the fandom levies it against him as if it happened.

But if Cullen “hated” mages, you wouldn’t be able to romance him as a mage. And honestly, that mage romance in DAI? Is one of the sweetest, most tender things I’ve seen in DA. As a mage, you can choose to help him past his fears, help him with his lyrium addiction. Help him grow as a person, and watch as he becomes a better person. As he learns that mages are more than their magic, and that Templars are so often wrong and awful in their treatment of them. 

I find Cullen to be well written. And believable as hell. The portrayal of him-- from the mood swings, to the trauma, to the shaky but steadying growth-- feels real, and I can back that up with my fiance’s own similar path. 

So. To wrap up because hoooooo, Opinions, play through the game. There’s a lot of gems there. <3 

[revengerevisited]

@noneofthismakessensetome KHUX is really hard to explain, and I don’t really understand it myself despite watching every update, but the most that I can glean from it is that it’s set in the past in a place called Daybreak Town, right before the Keyblade War. (How far in the past is unknown, not helped by the fact that time travels differently in each World, but it was definitely before Xehanort was born).

There was this guy named the Master of Masters, and he’s supposedly been fighting a war against darkness for a very long time. (No idea if that’s the elemental concept of darkness, or Darkness the character). He’s the person who invented Keyblades (or one of the people. KHUX is extremely vague and likes to throw little doubts in just to make you question everything), and he gathered six apprentices (all named after one of the Seven Deadly Sins). Luxu, aka Xigbar, is one of the six. The only other relevant one is Ava. 

Five of these apprentices (not Luxu) become the Foretellers, leaders of these different Unions of ‘Keykids’ (which I don’t think is an official term, but that’s what the fandom calls them so I will too) who wield Keyblades against the Heartless to collect Lux (which is some sort of light energy). Each of them is also given a Chirithy Spirit created by the Master of Masters. 

The Master of Masters, aka MoM, can see into the future, because he put his ‘eye’ into the Keyblade No Name (Master Xehanort’s Keyblade), as well as other Keyblades like Riku’s Way to the Dawn and Vanitas’s Void Gear (if that is the name of Vanitas’s Keyblade...). Because these ‘eyes’ exist in the future, the MoM is able to ‘see’ into the future, and writes all future events down in the Book of Prophecies. He then gives copies of the Book of Prophecies to the Foretellers (not Luxu), but leaves out a certain page. He then sows distrust through the five by telling them one of them is a traitor.

The Foretellers all mistrust each other, and through a chain of events this leads to the Keyblade War, where all the ‘Keykids’ kill each other and the World is rift apart. The only ones who survive are the Dandelions, a special group of ‘Keykids’ the MoM told Ava to form, who hide in a Data version of Daybreak Town. The Dandelions have their minds wiped of the Keyblade War by the Chirithies and believe they are in the real Daybreak Town, except for the five Union Leaders, who were chosen by the MoM and given Books of Prophecy by Ava (more on that in a second...). 

In the latest KHUX update, the MoM says that it will take multiple lifetimes to defeat darkness (or Darkness), and this is probably why Luxu (Xigbar) has been hopping from body to body for all these years (centuries?). The MoM gave Luxu the Black Box (without telling him what’s inside) and No Name (to be passed down through the generations of Keyblade Wielders and eventually wind up with Xehanort before going back to Luxu). By having No Name be passed down into the future, the MoM can see through its ‘eye’ and write down future events.

So about the Union Leaders of the Dandelions, the ones the MoM told Ava to pick were Ephemer, Skuld, Brain, Lauriam (Marluxia), and Strelitzia. However, (as we saw with the most recent update) a shadowy being named Darkness killed Strelitzia and gave Ventus her copy of the Book of Prophecies instead. Ventus was in some kind of trance or had his memory wiped, and didn’t remember Strelitzia’s death until now. 

Darkness has also been helping Maleficent, because for some reason after her defeat in KH1 she wound up in the past in Data Daybreak Town, and Darkness wants to help her get back to the future (KH2) with a time machine. (The time machine, called the Ark or the Lifeboat in different translations, is the same machine used by Terra-Xehanort to send five-year-old Kairi to Destiny Islands, although in that case she was transported through space, not time). It seems that Darkness wants some of the ‘Keykids’ (Ventus, Lauriam (Marluxia), Elrena (Larxene), and Skuld (who is probably Subject X)) to be transported to the future, and somehow Maleficent will serve as their Waypoint. (I don’t understand how time-travel in KH works, nor why Darkness wants to send the ‘Keykids’ to the future, but that’s the best explanation I can give).

Anyway, the whole murder mystery about ‘who killed Strelitzia?’ has been the biggest fandom mystery in KH for a long time (I’m talking like, three years). And unfortunately, it’s still not solved because it’s still not clear just who/what Darkness is. Some believe that Darkness is Ava, who is actually the ‘traitor’ trying to stop the MoM’s plan, because she believes his plan will end in the destruction of the World (which it kinda did). This is because Darkness takes the form of Ava to speak to Ventus after killing Strelitzia, and tells him that he’s a Union Leader (when really he’s the ‘imposter’). Ava is known to have the power of illusion, which is why some fans think she may have taken the form of Darkness to disguise herself. (Just a note on all this, I can’t remember exactly what all the fan-theories about Ava are, and I may have gotten something wrong here. But the basic gist is that some fans believe Ava is Darkness).

Then there’s the second theory, which unfortunately in my opinion is the more likely of the two. We know from Re:Mind that a being calling itself Darkness is hiding within Ven’s heart, and in KHUX Brain says that Darkness (or darkness) can hide inside people. Combine this with Vanitas’s speech to Ventus in Re:Mind, about how he and Ven ‘aren’t the same like he thinks’ and how he was just ‘hidden inside Ven until Xehanort tore him out’, it seems to imply that Vanitas is actually Darkness (or a piece of Darkness) who was hidden inside of Ven, and not the dark half of Ven’s heart like we’ve believed for the past decade. Basically, if this theory is true, it completely re-writes Vanitas’s entire character, motivations, and origins, while also retroactively making him a child-murderer, and I’m sure you all already know how I feel about that.

Now, literally nothing outside of Re:Mind implies that Vanitas is Darkness, and in fact the scene in the Keyblade Graveyard with Vanitas, Ventus, and Sora right after the scene in Re:Mind seems to contradict this theory, as well as every piece of material on Vanitas released both before and after Re:Mind including his character file, so this all may be just one big misunderstanding, but that doesn’t dissuade the fact that there is literally an entity calling itself Darkness inside Ven’s heart. I can’t even begin to imagine how it got there, unless 1. It’s Vanitas after returning to Ven’s heart after his defeat in BBS or 2. Darkness somehow got into Ven’s heart while he was sleeping in Castle Oblivion. 

This is all pure fan-theory, but since the Vanitas in KH3 is a time traveling version of Vanitas from the past, it could be that the ‘real’ Vanitas is still living inside Ven’s heart (like how Roxas was still inside Sora’s heart), and if the ‘real’ Vanitas is now calling himself Darkness, then it’s possible that Vanitas was either lying about being half of Ventus this entire time or is only now just remembering his memories of being Darkness. Either way, if Vanitas really does turn out to be Darkness, then I can only imagine his entire personality will be overwritten by Darkness’s and Vanitas will basically cease to exist as a character. As in, he won’t just be dead, he’ll have never truly existed in the first place. 

And that, my friends, is why I’ve been in a constant state of anxiety, stress, and depression for the past year, and the reason I haven’t updated A Heart and a Half, because I’m having trouble reconciling the Vanitas from the BBS Novel (an abused, neglected child manipulated from birth to be a weapon) with what is potentially his true identity as Darkness (an ancient, child-murdering demonic entity). Once again, it’s still just a fan-theory... But a very plausible fan-theory.

Anyway, the third theory is that Darkness isn’t secretly some other character, but instead is exactly what it says it is— a sapient amalgamation of the elemental force of darkness. Darkness tells Maleficent that she should think of it as an ‘old friend’, leading some to believe it’s someone Maleficent knows from the future. However, it could be that Darkness ‘knows’ Maleficent because it itself is the embodiment of elemental darkness, and Maleficent is a darkness-user. In that case, it could be said Darkness is a ‘friend’ to all people who use darkness. 

Unfortunately, before anyone says this line of dialogue proves that Vanitas can’t be Darkness because Vanitas never met Maleficent, Vanitas did meet Maleficent... in the BBS Novel. In the BBS Novel, Maleficent asks Vanitas if he’s a ‘friend’ of Xehanort’s. Vanitas hesitantly says yes (because his abuser isn’t exactly a friend to him), simply because he and Xehanort are allies. He then asks Maleficent if she’s ‘friends’ with Xehanort, and she says yes (in the sense that they are allies). In this roundabout way, it could be construed that if Vanitas is Xehanort’s friend, and Maleficent is Xehanort’s friend, then that makes Vanitas Maleficent’s friend, which still fits in with the theory that Vanitas is Darkness if Darkness is Maleficent’s friend.

Even if we ignore the (technically non-canon) BBS Novel scenes of Xehanort kicking twelve-year-old Vanitas in the face and beating him with his Keyblade until he cried and leaving him isolated in a wasteland for weeks on end, and just go off of the games’ canon, the story of Ventus and Vanitas can still be seen as both literal and metaphorical child abuse, with Ven being the part of the victim who represses the trauma and Vanitas being the part of the victim who lashes out. Of course, if Vanitas does turn out to be Darkness, then he will be retconned from a victim into a scheming child-murderer just as evil as his abuser and the demon/abomination/empty creature that Xehanort always said he was! (Maybe that’s why Vanitas had such a mental breakdown in Re:Mind... he realized every horrible thing Xehanort ever told him about himself was true...). Which is why, as you can imagine, this theory causes me a lot of stress! 

Anyway, that’s the story of KHUX and the reason why I turn into a big ball of anxiety every time a new update occurs. I literally wouldn’t care about KHUX at all if Ven wasn’t in it, but he is, and everything that happens to Ven in the past is something that will effect him and Vanitas in the future, whether Vanitas is confirmed to be Darkness or not. We now know that Ven has had even more trauma forced upon him than he’d had with Xehanort, and I now have a suspicion that the reason Ven refused to create the X-Blade by using the darkness in his heart in the BBS flashback scenes was because he remembered what darkness and/or Darkness did to Strelitzia.

I really can’t imagine why Ven is in KHUX other than to connect him to this Darkness character in some way. Some fans still claim that Ven is the one who killed Strelitzia because they think he was ‘possessed’ by Darkness, but it seems pretty clear that Darkness was the culprit while Ven just stood there in a trance. Even so, I suspect that Ven blames himself for what happened anyway, even though it wasn’t his fault. I don’t know how this will play out with the future/current Ven. Is he suddenly going to remember his past and think he killed Strelitzia? Why? For the angst? Is he going to realize that Vanitas is (or is a part of) Darkness and therefore the murderer of some random girl Ven barely knows? Is Darkness just going to pop out of Ven when he’s in the Realm of Darkness with Aqua and Terra and... I don’t even know. Fight him? Gloat? Enact his evil scheme of destroying the World because you see, Vanitas never really wanted his light back, he never really wanted friends (page 378 of the BBS Novel), he was lying the entire time! Yes, he’s totally this evil monster who just wants to kill people because he’s evil~!

...Alright, I’ll stop. But seriously, I don’t know where this story is headed, guys. This update basically had the MoM tell us to stop trying to figure things out or theorize and that we shouldn’t want to know everything that’s going to happen, so who knows. Next update might throw us a curveball and reveal Darkness was secretly... idk Pete the entire time. He’s Maleficent’s friend! Or maybe it’s just Xehanort again, who knows. I just feel... really tired of KH, and I don’t really know where I’m going to go from here. Hopefully this is the last time I rant about this subject, though, because I really feel like I’ve already said all there is to say.

I want to finish A Heart and a Half, but I also feel hampered by everything that might happen with Vanitas. I also feel like managing my Tumblr blogs is causing me too much stress and distracting me from doing other things (including writing my fanfics), so I’ve been thinking of putting them both on a more ‘permanent’ hiatus after their queues run out sometime later this month. I dunno how everyone would feel about that, though, nor how long that hiatus would be. I’d certainly miss talking to everyone, and you guys make me smile whenever I get a comment or a question from you all! But I also feel like I need to focus on my health (both physical and mental) and work on things that don’t involve social media. I guess I just need a little more time to think about it.

[gillzilla]

A Treatise on the aTROSity, Including How Hope Came to Me in the Form of The Lego Movie 2, Knives Out, and Little Women

I will start out by saying that I have never made a real, detailed post on Tumblr, mainly because social media kind of scares me. But the Reylo community's amazing kindness, strength, openness, and willingness to speak the truth in their writing over the last week and a half is honestly what has gotten me through the heartbreak and depression caused by the stabbing in the chest that was this movie. I am one of the people who loves Kylo/Ben Solo because I have mental health conditions and an abuse/trauma history within my family, which is also why the holidays are hard for me, so a big thanks to the people in charge of the story for TROS for making it even harder this year. After a week and a half of legitimate mourning for the butchering of the themes of Star Wars and of all the characters, but particularly the sequel trilogy characters, I am ready to add my two cents to all that has already been written about this movie.

First off, I have not been a Star Wars fan for my whole life. My parents tried to introduce me to the original trilogy as a kid by taking me to see A New Hope in the movie theater for the 20th anniversary screening in 1997. I fell asleep for most of it and was terrified by the trash compactor scene, so you could say the movie did not resonate with me. It actually wasn't until Phantom Menace came out that I started to get attached to Star Wars. So many older fans love to shit on that movie, and it certainly has many flaws, but a lot of us who were around the same age as Anakin when that movie came out and are now adults have started to speak up about how the movie was a gateway into Star Wars for us. Anakin gave me a window into the Star Wars universe that I could understand and relate to. I could relate to Anakin being a kind-hearted kid who wanted to help others and just wanted adults he could look up to, and I liked the podracing scenes. As with every single other sci-fi/fantasy hero's journey story that I loved as a kid, I empathized with and related to a male hero. Now, the wooden dialogue/acting/directing of Attack of the Clones and the tragic ending of Revenge of the Sith that left me so emotionally devastated that I vividly remember calling my friend to tell her I was so depressed I couldn't focus on studying for my eighth grade English final, kind of took me out of Star Wars again. There had been a spark there, but at that point I figured, eh, I guess it's not really for me after all.

I didn't rediscover Star Wars until the end of the first semester of my freshman year of college. This was a very difficult time in my life, as I was in what I would now consider to be a mental health crisis that unfortunately lasted for five years because I was too ashamed and uneducated about mental health to seek out help. I was very, very lonely during that time. It was close to finals week and I was sick, so as I sat in my dorm room I decided, why not pop in those DVDs of the original trilogy that I got at Costco last month. After watching them, I remember thinking, "Why have I not been watching these my whole life???" The original trilogy hooked me after that point and I started watching the movies every year around Christmas in commemoration of my rediscovery of them.

I was just as surprised as anyone when I found out that Disney bought Lucasfilm and that they were going to make a sequel trilogy. I had thought there would never be any more Star Wars, so I was overjoyed, though tentative, because I knew that though I loved Star Wars, it also had a tendency to make missteps that were somewhat endemic to sci-fi/fantasy hero's journey stories, such as poorly written dialogue, emphasis on ridiculous plot points that took away from the deeper overall themes, lack of diverse characters, and objectification/misogyny against female characters (I do not like watching Return of the Jedi because I hate, HATE the Jabba's palace stuff for what they did to Leia, honestly they gave Leia nothing interesting to do in that whole movie basically, but that's a whole nother essay).

So I went into The Force Awakens not really knowing what to expect. But oh my god, was I blown away. I am not lying when I say that I cried for at least an hour after the scene where Rey and Kylo are both reaching out for the legacy saber and it goes to Rey as the music swells, oh my god. I FINALLY realized what it meant to feel seen in the stories that I loved. My whole life I had been attached to and empathizing with male heroes, because they were pretty much the only heroes out there. To see Rey as this amazing female heroine who was not objectified and was a compelling character with an intriguing backstory that I related to as a child with a trauma history who often grew up feeling lonely, and to see that she was going to be the main Jedi in this new trilogy, I was overjoyed. It gave me hope. And then, on top of that, we got Adam Driver. Need I say any more. So many people have written about what an absolutely incredible actor Adam is, and I swear he is the only actor who could have pulled off the role of Kylo/Ben. The first time I saw TFA I didn't catch all the nuances of the character and his dynamic with Rey, but something about him really intrigued me (and made me want to watch everything Adam had ever been in). My love for TFA led me to start investing time in the online Star Wars fandom, which I never considered myself to be a part of previously, as the fandom had always reeked of being a "no girls allowed" type of zone. I found out about amazing, female-led podcasts that I started listening to every week and whose hosts I value just as much as my friends. I also started following the Reylo fandom on Tumblr. Learning more about the mythology behind the sequel trilogy, including how the creators were writing Rey's story as a heroine's journey and her and Kylo/Ben as dual protagonists, added so much to my understanding of what was going on in the storytelling and gave me the words to describe why I was connecting with these stories so much. I can honestly say that Star Wars and the Reylo fandom generally have been instrumental in helping me to get through the last four years, which have been a very difficult and isolating period in my life.

And now I'm up to TROS. As so many have said, the vast majority of it is a steaming pile of trash. People have done such an amazing job of breaking down why this story and how it treated its characters and retconned the beautiful story and themes that Rian gave us in TLJ was so painful for us. Many have pointed out that this movie is a result of catering to the most toxic portion of the Star Wars fandom, the "dudebros." Going further, I want to state that, whether consciously or not on the part of the cis, straight, white, male writers/director/CEO of Disney, this movie is a reassertion of masculinist ideologies. I want to clarify that when I talk about "masculinist" vs. feminist ideologies, I am talking about how our society and culture defines "masculine" vs. "feminine" ideas, traits, etc. Gender has nothing to with biological determinism and is socially and culturally constructed. Masculinist ideologies include beliefs such as extreme individualism, competition, "us vs. them" dichotomies, and power and value being defined based on hierarchy, which necessitates the use of violence to perpetuate the hierarchy. Feminist ideologies include valuing community and collaboration, connection and empathy, the idea that every person has inherent worth regardless of their productivity, actions, mistakes, class, race, sexuality, etc., respect for all people, and an abolishing of hierarchies. Masculinist ideologies are those of the white supremacist hetero-patriarchy, which, as we can see playing out in various ways all over the world, has been rearing its head in a very obvious and ugly fashion the past few years (though of course it has been around for wayyyyy longer than that).

Anyone who has been reading the fantastic analyses of TROS by those in the Reylo community can likely see how TLJ and even the story as it was set up in TFA were communicating feminist ideologies. One big example of this is Kylo Ren/Ben himself as a character. As so many have eloquently described, this is a complex character that commits atrocities, but is shown to be a victim of immense abuse and trauma that was failed by everyone in his family when he needed them most. This is a character that, had he been able to have the full and well-written redemption arc that he deserved, would have had an extremely moving story of how toxic masculinity and masculinist ideology is destroying boys and men by keeping them from being full people who can express all of their emotions, be vulnerable, and be open to love and connection. Reylo resonates so much with me not because it is about Rey supposedly doing all the work to change Kylo in some sort of toxic, co-dependent way, but because Rey and Kylo/Ben were always equals to each other. They both pushed each other to be better, more whole people. The wonderful work that folks have put into analyzing the mythology behind the feminine and masculine symbolism in TFA and TLJ (again, to clarify, "masculine" and "feminine" being culturally defined terms), and even the more obvious original goal of the sequel trilogy for the force to finally be balanced by Rey and Ben themselves becoming balanced between dark and light all relate to these gender issues. Balancing the dark and light sides of the force is also about balancing the "masculine" and "feminine" aspects within themselves.

This is a beautiful message that has so many real world implications. In our world, for lack of a better term, everything "feminine" is basically shat on. Patriarchy hates anything "feminine." This is how sexism plays out, but it also has to do with the ideologies that we believe in, down to our basic understandings of empathy and whether or not people have inherent value. The world would certainly be a better place if the "masculine" and "feminine" were better balanced, specifically if "feminine," and feminist, ideologies were more valued. This is what makes TROS feel like a stab directly in the heart. This was a trilogy that clearly did have feminist messages, regardless of DLF's bullshitting about Star Wars being "for everyone." Star Wars has always been progressive, the original trilogy is about rebels taking on fascists for god's sake. DLF's pandering to the most toxic part of the fandom for TROS is therefore representative of a much larger cultural, social, and political battle that is going on around the world right now. We are at a turning point for humanity in which we are starting to face the devastation that has occurred due to masculinist ideologies being the most highly regarded and utilized by those in power, but those in power are also trying to maintain their power by strongly reasserting those ideologies. So I would argue that this is not just about one movie that I and many other people didn't like. This movie is a small representation of a much larger battle that we're fighting.

Now, that reassertion of masculinist ideology that was the stabbing in the heart of watching TROS has made me super, duper depressed for the past week or so because, as others have pointed out, it communicated to me that no matter how hard we fight, the white supremacist hetero-patriarchy will reassert itself and win in the end. It even re-triggered the pain I've felt over the past few years since our current president came into office in the U.S. However, as I near the end of this long treatise I would like to share the stories that gave me hope over these past few days. I re-watched The Lego Movie 2 the other day, and that story gave me hope. The "bad guy" in that story is a literal embodiment of toxic masculinity/masculinist ideology, and it ends with the male hero realizing that he doesn't need to sacrifice his humanity and connections to other people to be a hero, or even just to be a man. How to Train Your Dragon 3 also told a story about a male hero/leader that rejects masculinist ideology. Additionally, I was given hope by Rian's amazing movie, Knives Out, which I went to see solely because people on Tumblr recommended it (thank you folks!). Rian had a clear theme and vision for this story that was about exposing and dissecting what I would call "toxic whiteness," and what it does to a family and those around them. And lastly, I saw Greta Gerwig's incredible adaptation of Little Women today, and that gave me hope because one of its main themes is about the struggle that (cis, heterosexual) women have in asserting themselves as full humans with talents, dreams and goals for their lives outside of being in romantic relationships, but also wanting to have romantic relationships at the same time. As has been said by so many, "STRONG" WOMEN CAN FALL IN LOVE AND HAVE ROMANTIC/SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS. Feminism is about giving all people the chance to be fully human, and for heterosexual women that includes being able to have a relationship with a man and still be valued and respected for everything that we are outside of that relationship. The above mentioned stories, and others (She-Ra, Dragon Prince, AtLA & Legend of Korra, I'm sure there are others) give me hope that there are creators out there that are communicating feminist themes, even in big-budget movies that lots of people go to see. We need more of this. Tied to this is that THE HEROINE'S JOURNEY OF THE SEQUEL TRILOGY SHOULD HAVE BEEN WRITTEN/DIRECTED BY A WOMAN/WOMEN. Folks, we need the opportunities to tell our own stories. All of the diverse folks out there, if you are a creator, please keep on creating! We need you out there and we value all of the beautiful, integral work that you do!

So in sum, I'm not going to let what happened with TROS ruin my love of Star Wars or of the sequel trilogy. The story belongs to the fans now, and there are so many of us out there to care for it. You better be sure that I will never stop speaking up about how wronged we were by TROS, that is the hill I will die on. But I am not giving up hope and I hope that you will also join me in not giving up hope. As Poe stated so well in TLJ (with one minor adjustment), "We are the spark that will light the fire that will burn the [patriarchy] down." End of treatise.

[hollywayblog]

How “The Umbrella Academy” Surprised Me

In many ways, good and bad.

This is a spoiler-free review of season one of The Umbrella Academy

I remember when The Umbrella Academy comics came out. It was 2007 and I was a broke thirteen-year-old living in suburban Australia (a cultural wasteland!) so I never actually read them, but as a rabidly obsessed My Chemical Romance/Gerard Way fan, I managed to fold The Umbrella Academy into my identity anyway. I’m not sure exactly how that works, but hey. Adolescents are powerful creatures.

As a distinguished almost-twenty-five-year-old (I’d like to acknowledge that I took a small break here to have an existential crisis) my walls are free of band posters and my eyes are no longer encircled with that thick black eyeliner that always managed to look three days old and slept in, but I still got kind of a thrill when I learned that The Umbrella Academy was being adapted into a Netflix show. It was something I had always assumed I would end up reading, back in the depths of my emo phase (which is probably more accurately defined as a My Chemical Romance phase) but then just kind of forgot about. So, great, I’m simultaneously being reminded that this thing exists, and freed of the nostalgic obligation to go seek out the comic and read it. As much as I love reading, comics have just never been my thing.

Then the trailer came out. Honestly, it kind of killed my enthusiasm. It just looked kind of generic. Apocalypse. Superpowers. Bold characters. Lots of action. My takeaway was a big ol’ “Meh.” Frankly, without my pre-existing attachment to Gerard Way and the very idea of The Umbrella Academy, I highly doubt I would have given it a chance - not because it looked inherently bad, but just because I’m a hard sell on the kind of show it appeared to be.

But it’s Gerard Way, man. I had to watch at least one episode.

The Umbrella Academy centres around the famous-yet-mysterious Hargreeves family. The seven children - six of whom have special powers - were adopted by Reginald Hargreeves, a cold and severe patriarch who didn’t even deign to name them. He made them into “The Umbrella Adademy,” a crime-fighting squad of tiny children who would later dissolve after a tragic incident. Now they’re grown up, and Dad’s dead. His spare and tense memorial is what brings the adult Umbrella Academy back together, and this is where the show kicks off.

We’re treated to a rather clumsy beginning; a gripping opening scene followed by an unimaginative montage. We get a glimpse of each of the Hargreeves’ regular lives, leading up to and including them learning of their father’s death. It’s a heavy-handed introductory roll-call, complete with on-screen name cards. It’s a baffling waste of time, considering we don’t learn anything in this montage that isn’t later reiterated through dialogue or behaviour. We don’t need to see Klaus leaving rehab to know he’s an addict. We don’t need to see Allison on the red carpet to know she’s a movie star. It dragged, even on a first watch not knowing that the whole thing would be ultimately pointless, and I’m surprised no one thought to cut it and let us go in cold with everyone arriving at the mansion for the memorial - an opening that would have both set the tone and let us get to know the characters much more naturally. Maybe it feels like I’m focusing too much on this, and that’s only because it gave me a bad first impression - and I want anyone who reacts the same way I did to stick with it. It really does get better.

The further we got from the montage the less gimmicky it felt, and I started to sense some sort of something that I liked about this show. Stylistically it was interesting, and there seemed to be an underlying depth; room for these characters to be more than brooding ex-vigilantes with daddy issues. I was intrigued enough by the end of episode one to keep watching, and was gratified as the series went on and truly delved into those depths. There was a memorable turning point for me around episode five, where Klaus (the wonderful Robert Sheehan) was given space in the runtime to visibly, viscerally feel the effects of something he had just been through. It sounds so obvious, and so simple, but it’s something that is frustratingly glossed over so often in fiction. You know. Fallout. Feelings.

It wasn’t just that moment, though. Prior episodes laid the groundwork, developing not just Klaus but all the Hargreeves. Each character feels real and grounded, each of them uniquely good, uniquely bad, uniquely damaged by their upbringing. It’s this last point I particularly appreciate, this subtle realism in the show’s execution of abused characters. We see how siblings growing up with the same parents does not necessarily mean they got the same childhood, endured the same abuse, or that their trauma will manifest in the same ways. And certainly, it’s important to see the different coping mechanisms each of them have developed. Furthermore, there is a lot more to each of these characters than just their trauma. There are seven distinct personalities going on, and I have to applaud the writers for this commitment to character. It was largely this that kept me hooked (I’m such a sucker for good characters), and to my own surprise very invested in the way things unfolded.

I love the tone, which found a cool rhythm after the pilot. The pacing was decent and the character development balanced well against the plot. I like the little quirks that remind you of the show’s comic book roots, like Pogo, the talking ape and Five, the grouchy old man in a teenager’s body.

Weirdly, I like the apocalypse stuff, which they managed to put their own spin on despite it being such a played-out trope at this point. I like that the show found small ways to go in unexpected directions, even if the overarching plot and big twists weren’t all that surprising. And most of all I love that in a world saturated with forgettable media, I woke up today still thinking about this show.

Even if not all of my thoughts were so generous.

See, for everything I love about this show, there are also quite a few things that rubbed me up the wrong way. I can’t list them all without going into spoilers, but I think it needs to be said that there are like, a fair few problematic elements in this show. I couldn’t help but notice that while women and people of colour are the minority in this cast, they also seem to cop the worst abuse. Only two of the Hargreeves siblings are female. One of them has no powers and the other’s power is influence (a non-physical power). Their “Mom” is literally a robot created for the sole purpose of caregiving; she dresses and acts like the epitome of a submissive 50s housewife. The Hargreeves sisters are also the ones most likely to be left out or ignored when it comes to making decisions, with one of them even literally losing her voice at one point (yikes!). Beyond that we have some truly disturbing imagery of violence being inflicted on women of colour almost exclusively by white men, and the fact that the only asian character is um… well, he’s literally dead. Before the show even starts.

Overall the problem is not just insufficient diversity, with white men taking up most of the screen time, dialogue and leadership actions, but the way that the few female and non-white characters are depicted.

These are all depictions that, in a vacuum, would be innocuous. I mean, just looking at the root of many of the show’s problems exemplifies that - the root being that all of these characters were white in the source material (uh, a problem in itself, obviously). It wasn’t a problem, for example, when Dead Ben was not the only Asian character but just another white Hargreeves sibling. And wouldn’t it be nice if we lived in a world where you could race or gender-swap any character and have everything mean - or not mean - the same thing. But life is more complicated than that. Art is more complicated than that.

Honestly, I’m not sure if we should give props to the developers of The Umbrella Academy for diversifying their cast when the fact is they did so - and I say this gently - ignorantly and lazily. Race-swapping willy-nilly and leaving it at that ignores a lot of complex issues surrounding the nuances of portraying minorities in fiction, and leaves room for these kinds of harmful and hurtful tropes to carelessly manifest. So many storytellers don’t want to hear it, but let me tell you writer to writer that it does matter if the person being choked is white or black, male or female, trans or cis. It does matter who’s doing the choking. Camera angles matter. Dialogue matters. It’s all a language that conveys a message - about power and dominance and vulnerability in the real world. Because art doesn’t exist inside a vacuum, as inconvenient as that might be. Having the empathy to recognise that will actually make us better storytellers.

In shedding light on these issues, I am not dragging this show. I am not condemning it. And although it is problematic in itself, I’m not even saying it’s problematic to enjoy it. I’m pulling apart the lasagne, looking at the layers, poking and prodding at the individual ingredients and saying, “Hey, the chef probably should have known better than to put pineapple in here. Maybe let’s not do that next time.” I’m also saying, “When I get a mouthful with pineapple in it, I don’t enjoy that. It’s jarring and unpleasant. But it doesn’t ruin the whole meal for me.”

I’m getting better at allowing myself to dislike something on the basis of its shitty themes. To not have to justify myself when something is problematic in a way that just makes it too uncomfortable for me to watch. That wasn’t the case here. I won’t lie; the bad stuff was no afterthought for me. That kind of thing really gets to me. It does ruin a lot for me. But in this case, the show redeemed itself in other ways; mostly by just being a compelling story with characters I liked. I’m trying not to justify that too hard either.

So I liked The Umbrella Academy, and I hope it gets a second season. I also hope that the creators will listen to people like me who want to be able to enjoy their show even more and create more consciously in the future.

And please let Vanya be a lesbian.

The Umbrella Academy is out now on Netflix

Watch this show if you like: witty characters, iconic characters, complex characters, mysteries,  dark themes, superpowers, vigilantes, comics, dark humour, epic stories, shows about families, stylistic TV shows, ensemble casts, character dynamics, dramedies

Possible triggers (don’t read if you care about spoilers): suicide, child abuse, claustrophobia, addiction, violence, violence against women, violence against women of colour, death, torture, incest, self-harm, pregnancy/childbirth, kidnapping/abduction, blood, mental illness, medication/themes of medication necessity, blood, manipulation/gaslighting, homicide, forced captivity, guns, hospitalisation, medical procedures, needles, PTSD, prison rape reference (1).

Please feel free to message me if I failed to include a relevant trigger warning and I’ll include it.

[tuiyla]

Marvel’s Runaways casual review/ rant

Okay, so I watched both seasons of Marvel’s Runaways in like four days. Originally I was only going to write one post on it and that was mostly going to be about Deanoru but then I got carried away talking about the show overall so here we go. I’m still going to dedicate a separate post to Nico and Karolina because Gay™, that’s why.

I liked it is the short opinion. The longer version is that it’s very frustrating at times because it could be so much better. The pacing, while all over the place and very slow for some is an issue, but personally I don’t mind it all that much. Yes, it was weird that they only became actual runaways at the very end of season 1 and then season 2 was basically two seasons in one, but that’s not the main problem. It’s very frustrating how the tone can jump around and how there’s scenes missing from almost every single episode. What I mean by that is that there are crucial scenes that we should get in-between the life-altering moments that the characters go through, mostly a few lines of dialogue here and there, but we rarely ever get those. Some of it is related to Deanoru so I’ll elaborate more on that later but in general, it makes some otherwise heavy elements of the show hard to take seriously.

Darius’s murder is both treated as an atrocity and yet we never truly see Tamar grieve. Jonah almost making Janet sacrifice herself for Victor is brushed aside like it wasn’t a fucked up moment. Tina and Robert get back together and the fact that he cheated on her and supposedly didn’t love her anymore rarely ever comes up again. Karolina’s attempted rape is a similar situation. (I thought more about this and okay, I suppose this was given enough gravitas.) So many awful things happen that I get it, it’s hard to keep track and portray the emotional significance of all of them. But if you can’t, maybe you should reconsider writing all of these in and thinking about what kind of tone you’re going for. It’s especially annoying when it comes to character dynamics, like Molly never actually saying it out loud that she forgave Nico for the Topher thing. Just gonna forget that, huh? It’s not entirely unrealistic because Molly is barely 15 and Nico is one of the few people she can call family so they were bound to get over it relatively quickly, I just missed the acknowledgment. Two lines, that’s it.

Runaways is often a few lines away from being a much better show. Just give me the characters acknowledging trauma, or how they were fighting a minute ago, or anything that would keep it more consistent. It’s not Riverdale level bad but it does take away from my enjoyment a little bit. Like, remember when Darius kidnapped Alex? And not only did Geoffrey had a really weird scene there where he prioritised the shot Andre (so he can be killed for Jonah) over Alex's safety, but then Alex became BFFs with Darius. At least Chase pointed out said kidnapping but then nothing else was said about it. Okay, so you’re just gonna move past that, sure.

Some of the ridiculousness is acceptable because it is fundamentally a teen drama and a superhero show, so suspension of disbelief is necessary. But that only takes you so far and is mostly afforded to the supernatural stuff. I can roll with Karolina being an alien who glows and flies but she never really told Chase that she wasn’t interested and that annoyed me. Not that I wanted them to be a thing but they spent a substantial amount of time together in the first two-thirds of season 1 and then... nothing. Even if it was clear for us as an audience that she’s gay and Chase is falling for Gert, the two never had that “oh okay, I see now, you’re not into me, that’s cool” “thanks for understanding” moment. Two lines.

Much of this comes down to how little time the show has because of its enormous main cast. I get that, truly, and I’m not saying all character interactions leave something to be desired. I think the Gert-Molly relationship is near perfect, they almost always talk through their issues and their love for each other is clear even when there’s a conflict going on. There are other examples as well and overall, this is a fine show. Don’t get me wrong here, I didn’t binge it in a few days so I can show up late to the party and tell everyone in the fandom that the show they love is trash. It’s not. The concept is really good and from what I can tell they’ve made some necessary changes to the comics. The cast is also good for the most part, with some cringy moments but some very strong ones as well.

The teen drama part of it is interesting and handled well when they focus on it properly. I like that both Gertchase and Deanoru get more or less equal screentime and focus and the dynamic of the Runaways is something I love to watch. Reminds me of how Brooklyn Nine-Nine is so good because each episode they do different combinations of characters and all the relationships get a chance to develop. Runaways has a very different structure so doing the same would be impossible but I still appreciate the quiet moments between more unlikely pairs or trios. More of that if there’s a season 3, which there’d better be because I’m invested now.

So yeah, I know went off a bit with how frustrating it is when the show is inconsistent with its tone and characters and how just a few more lines or scenes could solve that, but I did enjoy Runaways. Okay, so I mostly enjoyed Deanoru, but other aspects as well. I think Chase being stuck in this cycle of abuse is heartbreaking but makes for a powerful storyline and I hope he’ll get a break eventually. Gert, while too much of a parody of an SJW initially has really grown on me and her need for meds was handled well, I would say. Her jealousy of Karolina when it came to Chase was understandable but not very cool and I would have liked more bonding moments between the two. Molly has some super weird moments but the way she keeps the group together and is allowed to be a kid and enjoy herself every once in a while is heartwarming to watch.

Alex, well, I’m gonna be honest here, is my least favourite. I don’t hate characters and I don’t hate him, but I’m sure finding it difficult to like him in any capacity. His vendetta, while justified in some ways, made him selfish and inconsiderate towards the rest of the group. Even in season 1, he had moments when I went “seriously? who the hell does he think he is”. His DW and nerd references ain’t winning me over. Plus he seems to just not care about most people, especially Karolina? Damn son, I kind of hope that remaining Gibborim is inside you so you can justify some of your actions. But I don’t hate him, I promise, I just hope I can grow to like him later on.

The parents are weird because they’re set out to be the villains and there’s this moral ambiguity around them at any given point, which is fascinating at times. I think Leslie is probably the best portrayal in that there’s a nuance to what she’s done and why. In some ways, she’s the worst of them all and in others, she can be “excused” - but then again, can she? I think it’s an interesting question for the show to answer if it proves itself capable enough to do so. I also like Tina in that I’m curious where her relationship with Nico will go. Okay, so now I just mentioned the mothers of the two characters I like the most, great for my bias. True though.

Part of me is also glad that Jonah survived because he needs more scenes with Karolina. I need it to be established deeper that in a sick way he does love her but also she needs to realize how cruel he is. Then he can die (again) and she can grow from it. The Yorkeses are by far the most puzzling ones because they’re quirky and kind of nice so their appalling actions are brushed aside more so than with the other parents. In general, this is what I find interesting and what I want the show to acknowledge and explore: all the parents have done awful things but not all of them are equally “evil”. Dale shouldn’t be on the same level as Leslie or even Catherine. Can we also get that in season 3?

Alright, that’s it for now. I really should do this after every show I watch. I had quite a lot of thoughts while and after watching this series and though I mostly just wanted to write about Deanoru, I’m glad I got it all out. And I genuinely do need that season 3 so you’d better prove your worth, Hulu.

[sometimesrosy]

The person that send the ask about JRoth refering to Echo and Madi in the past had/got made me take a sec and think because i understand refering to E in the past because i think that BE are going to break-up but why would he refer to Madi in past tense? and then i remembered aa spec that you sai regarding Madi staying in the planet and Clarke leaving with the others, i think? do you really think that would happen and can you talk more about it? 1/2

2/2 i mean i just don’t see Clarke leaving her daughter alone in another planet, altough there is always the whole flame thing, idk how that is gonna affect their relationship but i mean, would Jason really take away her daughter? that’s a new low, even for him lol

He might just have spoken about them in the past because he was speaking about what happened to Clarke and Bellamy over the time jump. That was all in the past. What happened OFF screen affected who Clarke and Bellamy were in the current timeline. 

As he’s writing, or storyboarding, that means that he’s developing THEIR story based on the past. It might have been a mistake just based on his focus as he writes. None of what they say in cons is edited, you know? You can’t expect them to be perfect or precise.

My speculation about them leaving Two Suns Planet is PURE speculation and just something they COULD do based on certain themes and foreshadowing and tropes and archetypes. It doesn’t at all have to be story they go for. Just ONE story path. 

But you say that taking a characters daughter away and leaving her on a planet alone with others is a new low for JR?

I think that is the EXACT SET UP OF THE 100. Abby Griffin lost her daughter, who was sent down alone onto a poisonous planet with 100 delinquents. 

New low? Or, hey, what this show is about?

Oh. Is it different because Madi is so young? 

Charlotte. Tris. Baby Lovejoy. Aden. Ethan. 

Kids don’t escape violence, loss or death on this show. This is BUILT IN to the narrative. 

Don’t confuse a plot line that you don’t like with something that doesn’t fit. Because it DOES fit. It’s pretty standard that kids on this show grow up a LOT faster than kids irl. And Madi HERSELF was left alone at the age of FIVE. So the concept that JR wouldn’t POSSIBLY leave a child alone is ABSOLUTELY FALSE. BTDT. Pay attention.

In many ways, this show is about the new generation, THE KIDS, learning to find their own power and stand up and change the world for the better. All our delinquents except for Bellamy were kids when they landed on earth. That is the NATURE of this show.

You identified with the kids, so you didn’t notice, except for occasionally, that our kids were actual kids, because you were inside their heads and instead you saw the freedom and the power and the challenges and the heroism. When we looked at the PARENTS, we saw them as characters who did stuff TO the kids, who abandoned them or abused them or sent them to earth or betrayed them or whatever it is. Maybe you didn’t notice because all the actors were playing younger than their real age, because the show WANTED you to think of them as active adult principals. But Jasper and Monty? What were they? 15? That’s only a few years older than Madi. And they had NEVER been left alone to survive by themselves. They weren’t as capable. Maybe the subtle shift of adults playing kids to kids playing kids means that the writers want you to think about what it means to grow up, to be responsible, to be an adult or a parent. Remember, their initial thought was to make the commander a child. They’ve actually gone BACK to their original concept. 

NOW you’ve got YOUR kid as the parent, as the person who is the hero with the motivation and desires and goals. So you see Clarke as the active principle and Madi as the passive one. But it’s the SAME story. 

Clarke raised Madi to be independent, she was driving and going off alone at 11. Hunting and gathering and facing a post apocalyptic earth alone. That’s how she raised her. Now that people are back, Clarke is clinging to Madi and trying to keep her safe when before she’d raised her to keep HERSELF safe. 

We’ve already seen Clarke struggle with the same thing Abby struggled with. Learning to LET HER DAUGHTER GO TO MAKE HER OWN DECISIONS. The audience is sometimes outraged that anyone would allow Madi to make these life or death decisions intended to save Clarke, but Clarke was making life or death decisions from ep 1, and we were outraged that Abby would try to stop her and keep her a child.

So what I’m saying here? This is a THEME we’ve seen in The 100. Madi is a bit younger, but she is also just as capable as Clarke. We have SEEN her be capable. 

Would JR have Clarke lose Madi? 

He had Abby lose Clarke, didn’t he? So yeah. He would. It isn’t some worse horror inflicted upon her. It is a cyclical story. The parent must release her child to her own future as her parent released her. The youth shall inherit the earth.

Actual literal line of dialogue. They PASSED THE BATON. 

So, we need to pay attention to these things if we want to understand something more about the story. 

so my theory about return to earth? ok

so the idea is that they will have to leave planet two suns, that they will have to DESTROY the comfortable, peaceful human society on the planet because it is, like MW, evil. I think we’ll have a parallel to MW. We already know that the eligius 4 mission was a colonization mission, intent on USING the planet for resources because the earth was used up. This is the bad kind of colony. 

We’re also contrasting “doing what is good for you people” with “doing what is right,” and I’m afraid that joining Russell in a peaceful world where their people can finally live life, which would be GOOD for their people, will actually be harming the planet and either another segment of humans OR the native aliens on the planet. 

So in order to do the right thing and be the good guys, they’ll have to destroy this “peace” and sacrifice and easy life for their people.

This would help Clarke and Bellamy resolve their trauma in MW, where they had to DESTROY an entire people, and never made peace with the fact that they HAD to because those people were not JUST another society, but a TOXIC one who was using other human beings as cattle and torturing them, and intending to take over the surface. 

So while this made her think maybe there were no good guys, the truth is, that even though they committed genocide, it was because that society was EVIL. They WERE the good guys. Sometimes you HAVE to do harm. 

So I think we’ll see this again and this time they will recognize that the choice is to let evil flourish through passive inaction and possibly benefit, or GIVE up the soft life and save a planet and a people from subjugation and STOP the cycle of violence that humanity spreads.

See, we’re working on making sure that Humanity DESERVES to survive. So being faced with a pretty, peaceful society that does not DESERVE to survive, means they have to make active choices against it.

The thought here is that they are subjugating or enslaving the aliens or alien/human hybrids or lower class humans of this planet. ECHO, being a child soldier and slave for the throne, while not feeling like she belongs to spacekru, will feel a kinship with the slaves on the planet and she will stay with them.

The other possibility is that Becca has given an ALIE AI to the new planet, so the flame is not irrelevant. Because the flame was created to STOP ALIE. So if there’s another ALIE helping to subjugate these new people, then the FLAME, aka Madi, is there to stop that. COULD someone else take the flame? Yes, because they’re all going to have to be nightbloods. But it’s possible that Madi herself feels too much responsibility and wants to stay to help the new people. but the story here would mean that Madi wouldn’t be alone, but Echo would be staying with her, as her protector. IDK. 

I don’t know it’s an idea. I got it when I realized that Raven said, “Just once I wish I could take off of a planet without it being on fire,” and she did that TWICE, which means the magic number three might have that coming true. So then I imagined raven taking off of this new planet, NOT on fire, but still needing to leave because they destroyed the “peaceful” society. Like breaking the cycle means they leave it a better place, rather than the earth, which humanity has killed. 

Also with the way the time is going, it took 75 years to fly to the new planet. If they go back to the earth, that’s 200 years total, which is the ORIGINAL speculation for how long The Ark would have to stay in space before Earth would be livable. That’s just too neat a coincidence for me. Makes me think that in, maybe s7, they might be back on the earth again. 

All just ideas. I know it’s wacky. But I’ve had a lot of wacky ideas, like using Cryo sleep to escape praimfaya. Or the exodus after they lose Eden. Heck, I told y’all after hakeldama that this show requires Clarke and Bellamy to be TOGETHER in order to work. So I have wacky ideas that I put together when I think about various narrative elements. So here. Have some more.

Also. Because we’re all responsible for our monsters when we let them out, right? Well humanity destroyed Earth. Do they really get to just ditch it and find .a new planet to ruin? I feel like they need to go home and face the mess they made of their planet. To EARN their survival, they have to fix what they did. They have to make amends. Stopping it from happening on another planet might do that, but also, taking care of the planet they hurt. 

[zchaotic]

Decent story telling deciphering. Episode 1, Lillie.

I think I got the core of Lillie's character growth figured out. 

From both sets of games to the anime... it is about Lillie learning to make that first step into becoming a braver person.

For most of SM and USUM, Lillie was a timid person who could barely do anything by herself without having second thoughts. This stemmed from Lusamine being so much of a control freak to her and Gladion, making all the decisions for them and telling the two to just listen to the adults around them. (How extreme this was depends on the set... but it doesn’t matter much in the end when it is emotional abuse.)

Some time before the events of the game, Lillie saw what was being done to the Cosmog Nebby and found it so extreme, so wrong that the girl realized that her mother wasn’t sound in the mind.

So she took the Cosmog and ran, the girl wanting to help get Nebby back home and find the means necessary to do it.

That is when the Cosmog teleported Lillie out of Aether.

Out of that toxic environment and to the tropical region of Alola. Where two were cornered. Lillie found proper emotional support in Kukui and Burnet, individuals that allowed her to relax to the newfound freedom she obtained.

When you the player arrived, Lillie was slowly trying to break away from the lingering, over bearing shadow Lusamine had over her. That... is what her old look represented, the resemblance to Nihilego is just a coincidence since in USUM, Lusamine’s goals have nothing to do with that Ultra Beast despite everyone looking the same. The clothes themselves represent a past of a bound childhood.

Every time Lillie was trying to find a new look to suit her, was every time she tries to find the courage towards becoming independent. With you, Hau and everyone Lillie befriended inspiring her towards that.

To become a trainer, to become strong enough to fight her battles.

Then Team Skull came along to get the Cosmog while you were dealing with Guzma.

We the player raided Aether Paradise and through some dialogue from Gladion, figure out that Lusamine was a control freak to her kids... explaining why Gladion is trying to do things in his own way. Whether to stop Lusamine from endangering Alola and the family or to stop her from endangering herself. (USUM and Gladion’s motive to raise Null to its potential and prove that woman wrong.

When we confront Lusamine, we see why Lillie had so much self doubt. Lusamine talks down on Lillie for stealing her stuff and leaving, this woman really thinks that her kids should just shut up and let her take care of things (USUM) or think they are pests getting in her way to what ever she wants (SM).

Then you fight Lusamine for what ever reason. (In SM it was self defense since the crazy bitch was trying to kill you, in USUM... because the crazy bitch wanted to prove to her kids that she can manage Necrozma. “I’ll get to her in another time.”)

Nebby’s power got used in great lengths and it evolved into Cosmoem to survive.

Then the next day happened, after some thinking... Lillie changed her outfit to a more lively Z powered form. Finally making that big step out of her mother’s overbearing shadow, with a goal in mind... rescue Lusamine from her own stupid/ crazy shit.

During your trip to Poni Island, Lillie took more and more steps to facing her insecurities, things that would frighten her before and press forward. (USUM took out Exeggutor Island... BUT the things she said on that island went over to the RR episode in some way or form.)

Eventually reaching the altar and helping you evolve Nebby. Depending on the version, you and Lillie either go into Ultra Space to fight Lusamine... OR Necrozma kicked Lusamine’s (and Guzma’s) butt for you and causes everything to go off the rails.

In SM... Lillie chewed Lusamine out and the crazy bitch latched onto Nihilego in an attempt to kill the both of you. Then Lillie had Nebby blast Nihilego off of  Lusamine, the woman said some sweet words, Lillie forgives her... gives you Nebby right there because she wasn’t a trainer and made it her objective to help Lusamine recover... while saying she is going to become a trainer in Kanto. Yes these scenes are emotional... but it kind of undoes most of Lillie’s development towards the end, her standing up to her mother, only to go back to her in the end. We have no idea if that woman learned anything and for all we know, Lusamine would just go back to abusing Lillie again. No closure and if it was.. it is a pretty gritty ending that soured a good story and goes against the message that Children are not things that belong to their parents.

In USUM... because you the player had to deal with Necrozma... who ate Nebby and was stealing the light from Alola. Lillie’s chew up at Lusamine was off screen, but Lillie told us what she was going tell that woman at around Vast Poni Canyon.

Off screen, she called out a less crazed Lusamine out on her self entitled crap... that people are to help one another instead of trying to do things by themselves. (Like what Lusamine had been doing to her kids.)

We go back to that aftermath and we see Lusamine having a change of heart... knocked off her high horse by Necrozma and lectured by Lillie.

Admitting that her kids were right to go against her. To Lillie’s fortune, she saw her mother make the first big step to repentance... tending to what was the Cosmog. (Lusamine making repentance towards Nebby.)

This isn’t as focused as SM... but this is a good trade off.

Lillie only went back to Aether Paradise to help Nebby recover, while you the player finish up the last grand trial.

Gladion tells you to go to Mahalo trial when you beat him.

Where you find Lillie and Nebby... in the place you all first met. Lillie says her goodbyes to Nebby and promised it that she will become stronger. While Lillie doesn’t go to Kanto, she does stay with Kukui and Burnet. It isn’t as emotional, but it makes me feel happy that she is showing her growth and is in a happier environment.

As well as becoming a trainer and beginning her biggest step towards something. Which is seen in RR when Lillie becomes a trainer, it is a Clefairy and the only reason it is high leveled is because of your point in the game.

Lillie is a support trainer... which fits her character perfectly. Speaking of courage, she was willing to help you fight RR... kick a grunts butt and even help you in battling Faba. She is starting out as a trainer, so of course once that happens... you the player have to manage the rest while Lillie takes the role of healing your pokemon when needed. Some might find this disappointing, but this is reality... she started off as a trainer and she isn’t as tough as you yet.

In addition, after RR she offers to become your partner for the Battle Tree... and is one of the best supporters in that whole place.

Even if USUM isn’t as focused on her or as emotional this is good closure for one of Gamefreak’s best characters and those who said this game butchers, her story, when it really didn’t, can go take a hike.

Now for the anime. Lillie’s backstory is different compared to the games. Lusamine isn’t an abusive control freak and instead is kind of a goofy mother that smoothers Lillie in affection the first chance she gets. Treating her daughter like a baby.

She is pretty god damn neglectful and is way too childish that problems arise between her and her kids.

. In addition, Lillie is still a girl that hasn’t seen much of the outside world... so she comes off as timid and awkward.

Lillie had PTSD from being attacked by a Nihilego and ever since, she had a fear of touching pokemon. For most of the first season, Lillie slowly tries to overcome that trauma and as part of school therapy, she bonds with an Alolan Vulpix that hatched from an egg.

Snowy.

We see Lillie try to overcome that trauma piece by piece, from bonding with that Vulpix, Ash’s Pikachu AND riding on a Stoutland.

Throughout Season 1, we were also giving hints that more was to this trauma and Gladion is trying to take matters into his own hands to protect his sister. This doesn’t get revealed until the Aether Arc. (One of my Favorite Story arcs.)

Unlike the games, where Lillie was scared of Lusamine... in the anime, Lillie wasn’t scared of telling this woman off for doing things her way... like evolving Clefairy without telling anyone.

While the Clefairy Lillie cared about was Lusamine’s... that woman should have asked her kids if it was okay.

In addition, we have a pretty strained relationship between the family... because Lusamine wasn’t never really there for her kids... especially when Lillie got traumatized and that woman never bothered questioning how it happened.

We are drawn into how more of this happened and Gladion explained to Ash how Lillie’s Trauma happened. Then a Cosmog Ash was taking care of (Nebby) teleported Lillie to Type:Null... who was apart of that trauma and it caused a regression that was SO bad that Lillie didn’t even want Snowy with her. In Lillie’s eyes... Type:Full tried to attack her.

Desperate to overcome that regression, Lillie... with Ash and Nebby, retraced her steps bit by bit... to hopefully regain those memories and understand what happened. Now for those with PTSD... this is probably a bad idea if the person suffering from it doesn’t want to remember it, in this case Lillie does want to remember... as scary as it might be.

Eventually the teleporting leads to the Aether Lab... where Faba wanted to keep the incident a secret if to save his own hide. The bastard took Lillie and tried to erase her memories, which resulted in Gladion coming in with his Type:Null... that broke his helmet and kicked butt as a Silvally, to rescue Lillie.

There... she remembers what happened, she remembered what happened... she remembered Silvally pouncing on the Nihilego that caused her so much pain.

With that mystery clicked... Lillie started being more open to touching pokemon and she relished every fun moment now her phobia is gone.

Then Faba came along, took Nebby and caused a chain of events that lead to Lillie and her family meeting Nihilego again. That pokemon... caused Lillie’s fear to surface, through that event... the thing nabbed Lusamine and went into Ultra Space with her.

More trauma and leading to the girl finding a new goal... to rescue her Mother from the Ultra Beast.

That is when she takes on her Z powered form, the meaning behind the clothes is a BIT different, her stepping out of her sheltered world in an attempt to become more braze... instead of taking life into her own hands.

With this courage, she and Gladion went off to Poni Island and the alter to rescue their mother. She also helped her brother over come a Totem Kommo-o during this journey.

Once they reached the alter, Ash and the others came by to lend their supporting hand. The Tapus come and Ash brought Nebby... where the evolution end up happening and they all go into Ultra Deep Sea.

The world of Nihilego... where Lillie and the group found Mother Beast Lusamine... who thanks to the venom now drugging her out of her skull is acting like a child. She shouts out pretty harsh things to her kids and in her rampage, nearly kills them when she tries to run from them.

Along the way, the Mother Beast sends out her Pokemon against the class mates. Most keeping them at bay, with the final pokemon our heroes having to confront, being Clefable... a pokemon Lillie has a close bond with.

Even if it is a pacifist way, Lillie had the guts to try and snap Clefable out of the mother beasts control with... a pretty sappy I love you speech and a hug. (Dangerous as hell... but it worked.)

Then she, Clefable, Ash and Gladion reached the Mother Beast into a corner... where Lillie had a different choice of words to the Mother Beast. A chewing at Lusamine for her neglectful behavior, for treating Lillie like a baby and turning around to act like a bigger one. For letting work and that desire to see a UB take priority over her kids... and becoming a puppet for the UB.

That speech... worked on snapping Lusamine out of the haze... but then Nihilego took control and tried to swat Lillie. Then comes Ash using that 10,000,000 volt Z move out of nowhere and knocking Nihilego off of Lusamine.

The heroes rescue Lusamine, go home and... even if Lillie changed back to her old look, she had pretty good development to where she isn’t the same timid wreck she was. (Remember, Lusamine isn’t a control freak in the anime... the clothes have a different meaning and Lillie doesn’t have a reason to toss it out when there isn’t a symbol of an overbearing shadow.)

While Lillie is a try hard that over does herself from this point forward, she ends up taking more steps to becoming more mature and braver. (Including being part of the Ultra Guardians and dealing with more UB’s...being willing to do that as well.) Like fighting a Tyranitar that was terrorizing a group of Alolan Sandshrew, she and her Vulpix helped the Alpha shrew fight back... drive Tyranitar out and in exchange, got an Icium Z and an ice stone. Showing that more is going to be done.

As of now, she and Gladion want to look for their missing father... Mohn.

That girl is taking another big step in trying to help... by finding a way to restore a Magearna’s soul heart and becoming stronger so she CAN do something to get him back... to give her family that needed closure. This... is becoming something that might surpass the way the games told this families story if it plays its cards right. We just need to wait and see.

Lillie becoming brave enough to face this big obstacle, for the sake of her family.

[thewilytouchstone]

So since @foxnonny shared their horrific experience as the spouse of an emotionally fragile goat-fucker, who can't tell glass from plastic, and was fawned over by the third-worst excuse for a theater professor I have ever heard of; i thought it only fair to share one of my own emotionally-scarring turns on the stage, in a charming little play called "Keely and Du", or as I like to call it, "Who the Fuck Thought This Was a Good Idea?"

For those of you who remain blissfully unaware, "Keely and Du" was a charming little play written by Jane Martin (a pen name, and honestly if I had written this thing, I wouldn't want people to know either) about a pregnant woman who is kidnapped from an abortion clinic but religious extremists, who chain her to a bed in a gross-ass basement and plan on having her carry it to term. What wholesome family fun!

The pregnant woman (Keely), is tended to by an elderly zealot (Du) who is tasked with being her nurse and persuading her to see that good her captors are really doing, and how Stockholm Syndrome isn't really a thing if you think about it. She is frequently visited by the leader of the extremists (I can't remember his fucking name, but that was the role I had the misfortune of playing, so I probably blocked it out) who spends all his stage time reassuring her that this is all for The Greater Good. Also, all his dialogue is super weak and full of all the same old cliches that these kinds of people use to justify all the bullshit they believe and do, in case you were wondering during just how much thought and deliberation was put into crafting this "well-balanced critical narrative about the moral complexities of the abortion debate". Oh, also they bring in the physically abusive, alcoholic father of her child-- but it's okay, because now he's in a suit and fresh haircut to show just how much he has changed!

Anyway, the play comes to a head when Pastor Totally-Not-A-Militant-Misogynist says that after Kelly delivers, they will set her up with Totally-Was-Her-Husband-The-Entire-Time in a nice cozy cottage on a compound somewhere, surrounded by loving acolytes, where her child will grow up as a shining example to the world of how the power of Faith can overcome the wickedness of man's scientific folly (with no small amount of help from chloroform, handcuffs, and a total disregard for feminine agency). Keely's solution to her predicament comes in the form of a conveniently-misplaced wire coathanger, and I will leave you to fill in the blanks (ON STAGE). The play ends with Keely, having completely recovered from her injuries and showing no signs of severe psychological trauma from her experience, going to a prison to meet Du, who seems to be the only one who faced any kind of consequences and has also been rendered catatonic from her (?) days in prison.

The play is a cookie-cutter examination of a controversial topic, where all th characters are overblown stereotypes and there is no real transformation or satiafying resolution to the action. But, hey, it was nominated for a Pulitzer! So what better way to present a badly-written play than with impressionable student actors who don't yet understand nuance and subtlety directed by a well-known egotist and sexual predator? Seriously, this dude had a fold-out couch in his office that desperately needed to be Scotch Guard-ed 20 years ago.

I cannot stress how horrible this director was. Not only was he the Department Chair (meaning he was the one who picked the damn play), but he made himself director due to his long list of theatrical qualifications, like going to the same high school as John Malkovich and his close, personal friend, Gary Senise. Go ahead, ask him about the time he spent at Steppenwolf in Chicago the next time he invites you over to use his hot tub while his wife is away on another work trip for 6 months. Add to this theatrical shit-sundae, 3 impressionable student actors, and one local veteran actor who was friends with the director (aka "I need an older woman, you were available, and you are too nice a person to say No to me"), and stick them in a claustrophobic concrete box and now we have everything neede you to put on this monstrosity.

You would think since this play is a dramatic examination of a deeply personal issue, that the director would have some grand vision of how to execute such a delicate mix of narrative elements. Well, instead we got "It will make people talk", or as the rest of us heard, "My artistic goal is to piss off the religious conservatives in this community". This is what he was teaching was "Art" and some of us were unfortunately too stupid to know better. His actual directorial style was just having us run lines, move however we wanted, and if we had a question his reply would be "What do you think?" Well, in his defense, he did have some creative blocking; like when he had the actress playing Keely (whom he literally cast because she had a child, so "she already has an emotional investment in the story she brings to the role") spit on me during one of our arguments in the 2nd Act. Now, when I say "spit", I don't mean one of those tongue-flicks that sound and look like spit; I mean, he actually told her to hock a giant loogie at my face (right in my eye one night, it stung like hell). When I raised an objection, he told me I didn't have a say in the matter, that it would destroy the dramatic tension of my face wasn't plastered with spittle, safety and consent be damned!

Add that to the fact that we had no fight director (so nobody was overseeing the safety of the actors and their blocking), the trick cuffs we were using broke which effectively made them real handcuffs (they could only be opened with a safety key), the guy playing the husband was a self-avowed pervert with the subtlety and emotional depth of a deviled egg, the lead actress thought that the sound of a woman performing her own abortion without anesthetic is the same as passing a dense turd in a crowded public restroom, and the claustrophobic set design of the basement blocking the ventilation system resulting in giving one of the audience members a full-on seizure, and you have the perfect storm of horrible theatre.

I hated every moment of this show. The story was horrible. The run was awful. The director cared more about stroking his ego than presenting any kind of truth, or fucking forbid ACTUALLY TEACHING HIS STUDENTS ANYTHING AT ALL. It is not an exaggeration to say this show had the potential to kill me, and only the patience, support, friendship of some very special people got me through it.

So, in conclusion: fuck Jane Martin, fuck John Mayer (the director, not the musician, although I am no fan of his either), fuck pro-lifers, fuck misogynists everywhere, and fuck empty provocative masturbatory theatre everywhere!

[flowisk]

@necromin Thanks for the asks still Flowey

Why I like them

Oh... Asriel is a character who was practically written for me. I remember I fell in love with him from the very first demo of the game. He’s just this... person who looks like ‘there is no way to save him’ in a game that operates off the premise off ‘not having to kill anyone’. He is a codependent traumatized kid stuck in a loop, and I think his... desperation, especially in No Mercy, and how much... love he is brimming full of is... It’s funny because even when he ‘lacks’ love, you can see how much he cared/cares about Chara and his desperate loyalty and his willingness to go along with anyone and dependency. I felt the reveal of who he was, was just... so satisfying because with every layer unraveled around him I just grew to love him more and more. He’s kind of my dream come true... this dissociative little kid who’s presented so ‘maliciously’ and who is a ‘fake smiler’ and feels empty inside but who is truly this person worth being saved, who is... brutally sad in nature. Just... this incredible painful narrative of loss from someone who... desperately had one person to rely on. Also like... I just love this Bad Kid. Like... these two kids? Two little kids saying to each other ‘Creatures like us are so rotten, we wouldn’t hesitate to kill or betray each other’ and yet despite him saying this, you can tell Flowey has the utmost loyalty to Chara. Even though he SAYS this, the one loyalty he still has... is to Chara. Even the mere belief they could be around, regardless of any killing they do, overturns his grown apathy. His goal is never quite the same as theirs, but he would go along with any goal that makes them happy as long as he is by their side and they still think well of him. It’s this amazing... contrast that... says so much about Flowey as a character, and how he must have gotten to this point. As soon as Chara is there, you can see chips of the facade break away. This was built up to impress Chara, because he felt he was wrong and they were right and ironically when he is with them he can’t help but be a bit softer in contrast.

Why I don’t

Ugh, sometimes I’m frustrated by the soulless explanation. He just seems ND to me. Lately I’ve seen something that treated ‘soullessness’ as a sort of neurodivergence in itself, and that was compelling to me. But really I’m not fan of the ‘doesn’t have a soul’ bit because so many fans use it to be lazy and separate Flowey and Asriel as characters completely.

Favorite episode (scene if movie)

Oh... The end of the fight with Omega Flowey. And... his hallway talk with Chara in the No Mercy run, right before the protag gets to Asgore.

Favorite season/movie

Not applicable.

Favorite line

“It doesn’t matter now. I’m so tired of this, Chara. I’m tired of all these places. I’m tired of all these people. I’m tired of being a flower. Chara. There’s just one thing left I want to do. Let’s finish what we started. Let’s free everyone. Then let them see what the world is REALLY LIKE. That despite it all, this world is still ‘kill or be killed’. Then....? Well. I had been... entertaining a few ways to use that power. Hee hee hee... .... But seeing you here changed my mind. Chara... I think if you’re around... Just living in the surface world doesn’t seem so bad.” ^ This whole speech is what destroys me and no one does anything with this speech no one ever draws any lines from it except maybe ‘kill or be killed’ in variations I’m just. This speech DECIMATES me. “Why am I telling you all this? ...Chara I’ve said it before. Even after all this time, you’re the only one who understands me.” “I didn’t want to live in a world without love. In a world without you.” “I'm not ready for this to end. I'm not ready for you to leave. I'm not ready to say goodbye to someone like you again... So, please... Stop doing this... AND JUST LET ME WIN!!! STOP IT! STOP IT NOW!!! Chara... I'm so alone, Chara... I'm so afraid, Chara... Chara... I... I...” “Why are you being... so nice to me?”

Favorite outfit

I like that time he dressed up as a goat boy with a yellow and green sweater.

OTP

Chariskriel, Chariel, Friskriel

Brotp

Flowey+Papyrus

Head Canon

Oh hey it’s BPD boy. I could actually write a meta about this. I could write an essay about all the ways he demonstrates characteristics of BPD, down to Chara being his FP, his abandonment issues, his chronic emptiness, etc etc, and his rapidly circulating impulsive emotions Mains Reaper in Overwatch. I like to headcanon him as honestly... suffering through PTSD/dissociation or the monster equivalent thereof once he gets into his little flower body. Just his chronic feelings of emptiness, loaded with the fact he... literally can’t die. I mean, he CAN but suicide is a hard enough option when even flinching or having a last second doubt will cause you to still live. Chose his gender identity, in a way that actually physically effects his magic dusty body, because monsters are magic. Mama’s boy. Think this because he has that line, after visiting Asgore about how ‘not even SHE (toriel) could fix what was wrong with me’.  A lot of people suggest that the first person he killed was someone close to him. But I’m willing to bet it was someone he didn’t know that well, and that he reset right after. I think it took a long time for Asriel to feel ‘liberated’ or ‘capable’ or ‘like there were no permanent consequences’ to killing, and then it just wore away until there were 0. I am sure he wishes he could reset to before him and Chara’s plan like, every day, and that though pops up in his mind every day too. (We already know he spends a lot of time calling for Chara.... “Did you hear me calling you?”)

Unpopular opinion

He’s just Asriel in a flower body. ...And I will admit, I do think he shows symptoms of abuse. I don’t think Chara intended to hurt their best friend or was intentionally manipulative but I do think they coerced him into a few things and forced his hand. Also a lot of the things Asriel says like... definitely imply those two were bad kids or occasionally did very bad things. I don’t think Asriel himself was 100% sweetness and goodness even before all the trauma. I just think you’re seeing him at a really vulnerable point where he wants to be sweet and good and leave a nice final impression. A sad breakdown where someone makes a few realizations is not the same as day to day life, and I think Asriel’s characteristics as Flowey are better for determining his character than his final speech at the end. A loquacious, mischievous brat who I love. Also like, ‘hellflower Flower’ and ‘sweet good innocent goat child’ are the two most bland and most common ways to write his character. Also honestly? I feel a lot of people pin Flowey as the ultimate evil of the game (and often drop that he’s Asriel when thinking of him in this way but...) what Flowey does is ‘what a gamer’ does. His actions are not that bad because he knows there are no consequences to them, much the same way someone playing a game knows. And I don’t just mean in a ‘no repercussions for him’ way. He also knows, that if he goes back, the dead won’t stay dead. Also people need to let Asriel have his ‘Chara wasn’t the greatest person speech’. Everyone’s always trying to act like Asriel is a dick for it, but that speech in itself does imply Asriel had a hard time looking at Chara’s flaws. Unfortunately the audience is even worse than Asriel about this, so Asriel can’t even have his two minute speech where he is able to admit to himself Chara wasn’t always right and he wasn’t always treated well.

A wish

I used to wish all the time that there would be a DLC where you could actually save Flowey but that dream is dead. Sometimes I still hope the next game Toby is working on will touch on him in some way but I kinda doubt it

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

The worst possible has happened to him. Guess it could be worse but it’s still pretty sad. No Mercy route is my ‘oh god please dont ever happen’

5 words to best describe them

Mischievous, codependent, troubled, empty, tragic

My nickname for them

Asriel. Az, Azzy

x

Toriel

Why I like them

Interesting? I feel like she’s this caregiver who loves children and is given some complexity beyond that. Like Lisa’s Terry, they take a ‘tutorial’ character and make them an emotional centre of the game. It’s like... this character who is normally set up to impede you in some way in both games. And while embodying the handholding of a tutorial, Toriel is someone who you don’t want to speed by or treat callously even though she is set up to be what is ‘frustrating’ in a game. Many people who first play have a hard time leaving her behind, it’s this interesting? Not sure if subversion is the word, but it’s definitely an interesting way to play with the concept of the tutorial and have it be an active and emotional part of the story.

Why I don’t

I wish we’d been able to have a bit more of an ongoing dialogue with her or check up on her at some points. I really wish that we’d been able to dig into her a bit more deeply or see her thoughts on a few things... 

Favorite episode (scene if movie)

Her final confrontation with Frisk is my favourite part, right before they leave the ruins. After that it’s her running into Sans and being able to have a nice meeting with someone she’s known for a long time but never met proper. It’s nice to see them both get a chance to be a little goofy and happy.

Favorite season/movie

Not applicable.

Favorite line

“It would not be right for you to grow up in a place like this. My expectations... My loneliness... My fear... For you, my child... I will put them aside.” “Pathetic, is it not? I can’t even save the life of a single child.”

Favorite outfit

The purple one.

OTP

I like Soriel. I honestly just felt they had something? (also the game... literally implies such) They’re both these lonely people, and idk... part of the reason I do like romantic soriel is because I dislike a lot of the vibe of.... ‘Toriel’s divorced and had a family break apart, so she must always stay a divorced sad mother who is untouched from all other relationships’ I’m good with their relationship in all capacities, but the way people act about the kind of flirty dialogue at the end being this big TABOO just strikes me as off.

Brotp

On that thread, soriel. I totally dig interpretations where they are throwing wine parties with each other. In a few neutral ends the two end up living together which is interesting to me, I feel like that’s a mostly unexplored topic. Though I guess that topic is a bit bittersweet. I feel exploring them as platonic or close in different ways is interesting too

Head Canon

- It was a long time before she was able to make snail pies, butterscotch pies, after her children died and she left Asgore. For awhile she lived on the Underground’s fast food equivalent because she couldn’t find the energy to cook anymore. It had been zapped out of her. - When the first child fell down it ignited this chamber inside of her and it was the first time she’d been able to cook in awhile.  - She’s better at being active when there’s people to do things FOR, and struggles with doing things for herself - Since she’s a little monster made of dust, there was probably a lot of her childhood where she maybe wasn’t quite sure what to settle as gender wise and she really got into the concept of femininity in her teens and became very confident using she/her then

Unpopular opinion

The framing of a lot of arguments against Toriel dating bother me. If she wants to date, let her. Also I feel like Toriel can’t EVER win! People are either like... she didn’t do enough to prevent children from leaving the ruins or ‘she’s kidnapping children and restricting their freedom!’ (despite the fact we know she was never able to keep ANY of them for very long) I even literally saw a post recently that suggested part of the reason Chara was upset in the underground was because Toriel prevented them from leaving the ruins which is like? No? It’s made super obvious that’s a reaction Toriel has to kids dying in the underground. Also. It’s great to have nuanced views on Asgore, but any argument that goes ‘Toriel hiding away from the responsibility of keeping Asgore from killing kids is just as bad as , idk, killing kids’ has a rotten argument. Both of them made mistakes. Maybe part of it is a bias on my end that if Tori, with her sharp personality, had been a child murderer and Asgore had retained his soft nature and had been too sad and lonely to stop her, I just don’t feel the same criticisms would be being made. But who knows!

A wish

That she’s happy forever after and is a great teacher and adopts other kids and has good things happen to her and restores her relationship with her son (Flowey)

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

Idk, bad things have already happened to her. I’m not fond of her and Asgore getting back together (I think it’s for the best they split ways and heal on their own for a bit) but I’m not like Oh God No or anything.

5 words to best describe them

Dutiful, caregiver, grieving, punny, lonely

My nickname for them

Tori