#did I ALSO mention that I haven’t had a lot to drink today/yesterday?

[redhotarsenic]

Doing an attack on the person who drew j’ihwu and aghghh the detail work I’ve been doing for the past threeish hours straight

[whocaresstillthelouvre]

WIP Wednesday Thursday Friday

Thank you for the tags @whocaresstillthelouvre (lol I just tagged myself, that's where my brain is today.) ANYWAYS, thank you for the tags @magpiepills and @sawymredfox

I have a loose idea for 2000's house party shenanigans and meeting Frankie Morales (shout out to the camp Discord) before the cops break up the party. I'm going to take A LOT of inspo from the shenanigans @ohheypedrito and I shared from our early/late teens. Like a ton of indie kids hanging out listening to good music, getting high and getting drunk. HOW DID WE SURVIVE MARISSA?!

Three drinks in. Your limbs hang looser, your smile beams wider. You feel good. It’s been a long week, work has been awful, your roommates are somehow even more annoying, not to mention the damn parking ticket you got yesterday.... you need this night.   You can’t keep your eyes off of the tan skinned, espresso eyed man across the table, he’s here with some guys you’ve never met… all friendly, all attractive, all talkative, besides him. He nurses a red Solo cup most of the night, occasionally taking a hit of the joint he passes around with his friend, also brown eyed and cute.  “Hey!” you shout over the music, your bravery strengthened by the alcohol buzzing inside you, “can I have a hit?” His eyes meet yours when he reaches the joint out to you, your breath hitches when you notice how thick his fingers are wrapped around the cigarette.

I'm also working on my entry for @burntheedges' trope challenge. The biggest, gushiest thank you to @maggiemayhemnj for giving me this cabin idea for Joel and reader.

“Nervous flyer?” you ask. “You could say that,” he grumbles. “Never liked giving up control of my life to someone I don’t know.” “I understand that, but this happens to millions of people a day, you only hear about the bad.” “I get that,” he chuckles, quickly stopping as the plane begins to roll on the tarmac. “Still don’t have to like it.”  “Well, I fly all the time, I’m sure everything will go smoothly.”  “Here’s hoping,” he sighs, sinking deeper into the seat. 

THEN THIRD. I'm also working on the follow up to Golden Girl.

You don’t know if it was the exhaustion of your marriage ending or Dieter’s body against yours, but you haven’t slept that well in years. You gently back away and watch him rest. Fluffy, tousled hair spreads across the pillow, his parted plush lips gently percolate out snores, the lines across his face are much gentler and relaxed in his slumber. The sunlight peeking through the curtain lights a strip across his face that turns his skin golden and dark hair almost hazel. You usually don’t allow yourself to look at him, constantly fighting the pull you’ve always had towards him. That night in the dive bar, kissing his whiskey soaked lips, the deep rumble of laughter left against your lips when you pulled away. You could have had him, and yet you were too enamored by his handsome blue eyed friend who said all the things you wanted to hear a man tell you. Warren was always good at saying everything you wanted to hear, even when half of the time he was lying. You feel so idiotic.

As for tags, I'm *SO* late but I'm still going to tag, if you've posted, please tag me so I can swoon over your writing.

@mothandpidgeon, @justagalwhowrites, @yopossum, @luxurychristmaspudding, @schnarfer

[ryuichirou]

Replies

A couple of Kuroshitsuji questions today, wow! Plus, some twst ones.

blackbutlerfandomnerddomain asked:

GODS YOUR GREENVIOLET COMIC!! FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKK It's so good!! I love the idea Violet is somehow a lil kinky that Greenhill but Violet would somehow blame him for a mess in his sheets lol

Hehehe thank youuuuu!!!

I really like to think that Violet has a kinky side, but maybe it’s just because he is the artistic “weird” type and therefore more “in touch” with this hidden side of himself; compared to Greenhill, who is a proper polite boy, but also quite horny when the situation gets even a little bit spicy lol He’ll learn a lot of things about himself when he and Gregory start sleeping together.

Anonymous asked:

I see you like Black Butler. Let me ask you, do you have any art of the Undertaker of Grell? The way I simp is hard but if you don't, that is fine. Please remember to take care of yourself and drink water. Love your art <3

We don’t have any relatively new art with Grell, which is ironic, considering that Grell is the character that I always drew thorough the years whenever we rewatched Kuroshitsuji; I just love the design very much…

We do have some stuff with the Undertaker though! He is one of our favourites actually, even though compared to some other guys I haven’t drawn him much. Which is honestly a shame…

Thank you for loving our stuff! <3

Anonymous asked:

recently I read a fanfic where idia was a cat beastfolk and got absolutely gang banged by octavinelle and I feel the need to share this thought with everyone because cat idia being fucked by octotrio lives rent-free in my head and I can successfully say that gregory violet art did not help

Oh god, a fic about Idia’s absolute true form lol And what a company for him to be in, of course he would get gangbanged by Octavinelle. Thank you for sharing, Anon… Now I’ll think about this concept too…

Gregory is such a kitty cat boy! This is insane, I always forget that technically when it comes to their animal symbols he is supposed to be a wolf. And even in the yesterday’s comic where he is supposed to be a wolf, he still has cat vibes. I guess this is just his and Idia’s genetics lol

Anonymous asked:

I love love love your jackvil art! I hope you receive nothing but blessings

This is so incredibly sweet, thank you so much, Anon! <3

Anonymous asked:

What does Idia think about cosplay in general?Personally I love it and I’m even going as Idia sometime this year.

Anon! This is cool, enjoy your time cosplaying Idia.

If I remember correctly, Idia does like cosplay to some extent – he did cosplay as Pumpkin Knight for Halloween, and definitely had a lot of fun designing, creating and wearing this costume. The only thing is that for Idia to actually want to cosplay a character it needs to be someone who has his head completely covered, because he isn’t comfortable showing either his face or his hair: even if you don’t know that his hair mean that he is a Shroud, it still attracts unnecessary attention… not to mention, ruins the cosplay :( So he isn’t really a cosplayer, but if he is in the mood? He’ll create anything from scratch in like 3 hours and do the most perfect cosplay imaginable.

But! He has a lot of opinions about others’ cosplay. About how they did the hair, the clothes, the swords, the details, every single thing. He appreciates the artistry and creativity, but he is also a bit of a snob.

Anonymous asked:

Referring to the headcanons about Ortho putting things in Idia’s food and drink, I suddenly see why he pees in a bottle 😔

(the hc is from this post)

Yeah, this is also a reason lol but honestly he doesn’t need Ortho’s “help” with this… he really is the type to go “I finish this one level and THEN I’ll go” and basically sits there until it becomes unbearable. A very bad habit!

Anonymous asked:

Bold of you to assume that I wouldn’t eat Lilia’s hand too if it came anywhere near my spaghetti.

Don’t leave this man handless, he needs it to smack butts lol

[charlottedabookworm]

Dawntrail Day 2

spoilers up to: lvl 93 msq (including first two dungeons and first trial)

original draft date: 29/6/24

scheduled release for: 27/7/24

time for more msq! only passively leveling picto atm - i ain't dealing with those dps queues - so i'm hoping to reach the first dungeon and trial at least today!

*

sorry wuk lamat but you did tell erenville you’d take any way that was available

*

awww Thancred’s embarrassing koana

*

….i stopped literally ten minutes before the dungeon unlock last night

ten minutes

fucker

*

question (that isn’t gonna be answered for a month lol): does who the cutscene mentions staying behijd change? cos i’m on drg and ali is staying behind but if i was a healer would it be alphi? or can alphi or wuk lamat switch out for dps on this trust dungeon?

…they probably just flex wuk lamat or alphi thinking about it

*

okay wow hi i hate that

*

sorry wuk lamat we’ll get you a rest soon let me just drive all over the zone collecting aether currents first

*

yeah but neither do your brothers

you heard even koana: he doesn’t see rhe point or ihih’hana when there are simpler ways to revitalise the soils aether. why care about tradition when you can have efficiency?

you want to learn wuk lamat and that’s the important part

*

the boy is just so damn pretty

*

i don’t care how villainous you are you do not take a seat at a cafe for your top secret villain meeting and then not at least order drinks

fucks sake support local businesses damn it

*

“As long as you cover my teleportation fees”

“…what is a teleportation?”

I’m dying-

*

time to get my arse handed to me in a spar with gulool ja ja!

*

fucking hell i was not expecting that active time maneuver to go so hard

fun fight tho not really hard but definitely has you bouncing around a lot

*

that none of them are ready for the throne?

yeah clocked that

but then that’s what this rite is for yeah? to teach them and see who will be ready

*

sareel ja is giving me major mad scientist vibes ngl

i am very worried about what he’s gonna get up to

maybe the true villain? he’s almost certainly gonna end up tossing aside zoraal ja at some point

*

damn she missed

*

i hate follow quests

doesn’t matter what game just hate

*

TWO????

there’s a second one?!?!?!

*

oh hey! nice!

we haven’t had a race speak a different language since the dragons iirc!

i mean these guys can speak both and are gonna try and kill us almost certainly but! own language!

*

wait what-

another dungeon already?

i know they do them on odd quests but still it hardly feels like any time has passed since the last dungeon esp when i played eight hours yesterday without hitting the first one

*

okay i’m digging the music in worqor zormor

*

rdm confirmed as a healer class square said it first

*

annnd valigarmanda is free

i’m not saying i’m blaming bakool ja ja despite having no evidence but

*

i were fucking right

*

that has to disqualify them right?

like bakool ja ja has to be disqualified from the rite for freeing valigarmanda right?

*

koana’s back!

i’d say they were gonna let us do trust for the trial but alphi isn’t here-

zoraal ja? huh

really expected him to have left tbh

maybe trust is back on the table then? but still no second healer (except for healer rdm ali who doesn’t steal the lb)

*

duty support yes!

i love it when they do this for trials!

*

….how tf did we get onto this platform? I see no way up in the slightest

yes i am typing this while standing in front of valigarmanda i’m on trust they’ll wait

*

huh

no idea if this is a trust trial thing? so you have a chance to learn from your mistakes? or if it’s supposed to be for everyone and it’s only showing on me cos of trusts

but also the trial was fun and can’t wait to see how the extreme ends up

*

i do appreciate that wuk lamat is basically the only one makinh friends so she’s (seemingly) the only one getting all these golden city lore dumps

*

flying unlocked for urqopacha and kozama’uka!

*

so i've been thinking aobut it for an hour or so (dog walk) and it's occurred to me what i found odd about this part of the msq

dawntraal bucks a trend that's been in every ffxiv expansion

we've had at least a single split zone since heavensward (sea of clouds) and two in every expansion since: the peaks and the fringes for stormblood, kholusia and amh areng in shadowbringers, and labyrinthos and thavnair in endwalker

dawntrail doesn't buck the trend here with urqopacha and kozama'uka

but in every previous expansion, those split zones were some of the first, usually the first, zones we visited. we explored half of them. we left and the msq continued on, we visited 1-3 other zones, and then we return once more late into the expansion to explore the other half of the zones. it has been this way in every expansion

except for dawntrail

dawntrail starts exactly were you expect, esp after shb and ew, you start the msq. the msq splits along two paths. those paths introduce the split zones. the msq remerges and continues

only instead of taking you to the third zone, as anyone who'd played the previous expansions would except, dawntrail immediately takes you back

urqopacha and kozama'uka are the two first zones you visit and then you go back and explore the other half and there are still four zones left to visit and i-

i'm really curious as to how this will change things. usually split zones are both beginning and almost endgame zones (usually place directly before the final zone in more recent expansions) so now that they are fully beginning zones what does that mean?

will this be the new trend now or is are they gonna change it up every expansion? is this just something for dawntrail?

idk and it probably means absolutely nothing but it's interesting

[oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat]

Euphrosyne | Chapter 3: Letter III

Warning: Alcohol, Drinking, Hangover, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied Traumatic Incident, Implied Psychological Damage, Implied Brain Damage, Grief, Implied Past Neglect, Implied Past Child Neglect, Self-Isolation, Loss

Description: E. has a roommate.

[Masterlist] | ao3 link | Previous | Next

[read under the cut]

Dearest Dear Spero, 

Mother called me yesterday. She… she wants to apologize for what she did. For ignoring me the way she did. She said how it began with the loss of Azenor’s mental capacity, but it just escalated. She wants to make it up to me? I’m not sure I believe her, after all she’s put me through. 

You know what’s funny? She didn’t push away Galen like she did to me. She didn’t treat him like she treated me. He’s the baby, the youngest. He got special treatment. I got thrown aside because I reminded Mother too much of Azie before the accident. That’s not fair. It was never fair! Why does she get to do all that, and then try to apologize? I… I don’t know how to feel about it. I wish I still had your advice. 

I can imagine you saying it’s a good thing, her wanting to apologize. 

…I told my roommate about Mother. I was drunk again, and they lent a willing ear. It was nice, to be honest. It was nice to have someone physically there. You were there through letters; my roommate is here by sitting on the couch with an intoxicated me. It’s different. 

My roommate’s name is Ori, if you ever wonder. They’re technically called Oren, but they prefer Ori. No room to judge. I changed my name to my chosen name, remember? Before I was… well, you know. I used to be Drystan. How wack of a name was that? So yeah, I can’t judge without being hypocritical, now can I? I wouldn’t want to, anyway. Ori was kind enough to deal with me drunk. I was sober enough to remember bits here and there, but they talked to me earlier this morning about the previous night. They said they’d been worried about me for a while. How can they do that? How can you care and worry about someone who just pushes you away? We’re roommates, yes, but I never interacted much with them. I didn’t think there was a point to it. Another person who might hurt me. Another person that I might end up hurting. I hadn’t wanted to risk it.

I still don’t. Not entirely. Becoming closer with Ori is appealing, and it’d be nice to have a friend again… I don’t know. Maybe. 

A murder of eight crows passed by our- my window today.  A lot more than just the pair. It was like a giant herd of friends. I want that. I can’t have it, not now, but I want it. Ori said they liked crows, but their favourite bird is actually a wood thrush. I have no idea which one that is, given I’m not that well-versed in different bird names. Ori seems to be, though. They mentioned how they used to bird-watch before moving to the city. They grew up on a farm, I think. Explains the southern accent, at least. 

I haven’t told them much besides basic things like favourite colors and comfort movies. Also, everything I spilled while I was drunk. Which apparently doesn’t count? To them? Because I was drunk. Under the influence. Upset. They didn’t think it was fair to take advantage of the things I told them while intoxicated. And I… I appreciate that. Maybe I’ll keep them at arm’s length. Maybe it’ll be fine? Maybe. Maybe. 

Maybe.

They asked if I was interested in therapy, and I immediately cringed at their question. They kind of snickered, in good nature (I assume), and basically told me I was ‘predictable”. Rude. I am not ‘predictable’. They’re just nerds. Goddamn psychology majors. 

They recommended a therapist to me. Their therapist. I was surprised when they told me they were in therapy.  Every other week, they said. 

“Really? I didn’t think you’d need it. You seem so… bright. Happy,” I admitted. 

“I can still be happy and need therapy at the same time. Not every day is a good day,” they responded. 

“Yeah, but… how did you become so bright?”

“Ya know how people say ‘time heals’?”

“Yeah?”

“Not that.”

That brought a laugh out of me. They didn’t seem so bad so far. I mean, I already split bits of my family issues to them. They didn’t judge. 

“Okay, then what?” I got curious.

“No matter how cheesy this sounds… love, actually. And frogs.”

They baffle me.

“Love, really? Wait- frogs? What?”

“I know, I know. And yes, frogs. I learned that if you can find one positive, cool thing a day, it helps see the good things more often. I chose to count the frogs I saw in the pond near my house. I’d pass it most days on my way to town, so it was right there. I started with frogs, then patches of daisies, then heart-shaped things, and it all went from there.”

“That sounds weird, though. How does that even work, anyway?”

“I’ll tell ya later.”

The conversation ended there, and we went on with our day. Still don’t understand why frogs. And that doesn’t really explain the cringe-worthy ‘love’ thing they mentioned. People are weird, Spero. 

…now that I’ve had time to think, I might look into Ori’s therapist. They seem to be alright, so maybe their therapist isn’t so bad? I’ll see. 

Miss you, old friend.

I don’t think I’ll send these letters, after all. I won’t burn them, either. 

Maybe… maybe they just belong in my paint drawer. For now.

Yeah. 

Genuinely Confused,

E.

[lifewithoutmeds]

may 18, 2023

depressed.

i think i failed to mention that lorena had been here last weekend. she had let me know earlier and that she’d try to see me/get dinner/drinks, and so i kind of left some of my weekend open in the event she got around to seeing me. i think saturday was pretty free and then sunday was church, lunch at a japanese place, and then armstrong gardens with my mom. it felt like a good chunk of time together and we both seemed pleased with the outing.

on monday she texted after my lunch whether i’d had lunch to which i said i had (it was about 1:30 p.m.) then she said that she must’ve gotten food poisoning or something from the previous day’s carne asada that she had whilst visiting reyna’s family in san bernardino and wasn’t feeling well and next thing i knew on tuesday at 6 she texted an apology for not being able to see me.

i had mixed feelings. i kinda figured she wouldn’t see me as she didn’t seem to be making many pains to go through with it, and she was here for just a short time and it was to see her gf and meet her gf’s family/mom, which she did, so she did what she set out to do and i guess if there had been a ton of dead time she might’ve tried to see if i was available but i got the impression it wasn’t a high priority for her, and perhaps hurt by that notion, i tried not to make it a high priority for me either.

come tuesday and i was both vindicated and validated and also weirdly felt almost in a slight position of power when i got her text. i was glad she was sorry because that meant she cared, or realized she was supposed to care, or realized that she should at least act like she cared. i felt a lot of things. but i felt like the ball was in my court and i didn’t know how to respond. punish her with silence? lay it on thick how shitty it made me feel? how insignificant? but that would betray, once again, that my feelings for her were stronger than hers for me, the old tale, and what would be the purpose of bringing that up. or play it off like i didn’t care, which would be a sort of a passive aggressive dig on my part. i went back and forth and finally texted her back at 1:34 a curt: thanks for reaching out. i’ll see you next time.

i felt cold and a bit shaky when i sent it, but i felt it was better than crying to her, and better than silence, and i don’t know why i thought that was the only option, but now for several hours i have been waiting, agonized, panicking, desperate, desolate, and all the old hurts and angers and sads came raging back and i had to stop from punching all the ugly people’s faces at costco while i icily navigated my stupid cart with my stupid toilet paper.

i should also note that i’m trying to wean off lexapro and ability but haven’t yet gotten my prescription for lamichtol, so ... not sure if it’s just the angry mood disorder that’s flaring up now that i’m kinda not being regularly medicated. just lots of feelings coursing through me, and most are bad, which makes me feel a little sad because i thought i had made/was making such good progress with the morning routine and the healthy diet, etc. like all my gains suddenly seemed like nothing, even though i know that that’s not quite true.

i’ve lost a couple pounds this week and have been a caloric deficit while maintaining a high amount of protein, so i know, objectively, that i am getting better even though today i don’t feel better. 

i watched this youtube video yesterday or the day before that you can’t be in love with the results, you have to be in love with the process. you can’t measure a business by a single day’s profits or even a week’s or a month’s because everything fluctuates. he also said that he can’t resolve to increase his youtube viewership, he can only commit to making the best product that he can and if youtube viewers follow, it’s a bonus. in that way i guess i have to be in love with the process of pursuing health. i think i read/saw/heard something to the effect that the person who likes walking is able to walk longer than the one who is ... something else. but something measurable.

anyway. i have a 8:30 scheduled google chat with LD today so we can discuss the upcoming camping trip. hopefully it’ll help get my mind off of things.

[back2badhabits]

03/30/2023

Y’all I’ve lost 3 pounds since my last entry woooooo. I’ve been able to keep under 800 every day this week. I haven’t even eaten anything today yet.

I had my first in-person therapy appt yesterday where I intended to break up w my therapist using the excuse that my psychiatrist said I need a psychologist but she got mad and uh it didn’t end up happening. I’m seeing her again Monday.

I told her abt all the food stuff and mentioned that I wasn’t rlly looking to change it. She said she wasn’t worried bc I wasn’t like deathly thin and when I mentioned my bmi she said it was “good”. When I talked abt how I purged a few days ago bc I didn’t like the feeling of being full, she was kinda like “ah yeah, I get it” lol?

She also just like. Does not comprehend so many things. She doesn’t think I’m psychotic or schizo despite that being why I’m on the meds I’m on, despite the delusions, despite the hallucinations. She just doesn’t understand a lot of Asian stuff and like will say things in just,,, not the nicest way. She got aggressive w me right after a long talk abt how react extremely negatively to any perception of aggression or anger. God. Idk what to do.

She thinks I wouldn’t qualify for hospitalization which is cool.

Oh, also, she thinks all this food issue stuff is more impulse mood-disorder issues than eating disorder issues which is. So cool. And I totally bet it’s because of my size ah hahah. Fuck.

Whatever. Whatever whatever whatever.

I have a massive beer in the fridge I want to find an excuse to drink but I also know that beer is like a shit ton of calories, ugh.

I wanna just keep fasting tbh but I know I can’t because I have to take my meds with food or it causes almost unbearable nausea. It’s so much easier to just fast and have nothing than it is to eat and restrict and try to make sure you don’t overeat.

I’m so tired dude.

03/31/2023

12:18 am

I just got off the phone with O a little while ago. I asked them and C to video call me while I cooked bc I was scared I might leave the stove on again or something, and I wanted to take my pill early since I have to be up early tomorrow for a passport photo appointment.

Yeah, so much for that.

I ended up throwing up after eating because I was so nauseous. I had about 615 calories before I did. I threw up about 1/4-1/3 of it so today’s cals are really like 489.

O found out and then asked how much I’d had all day. I told them what the number was before throwing up and they got super freaked out and yelled at wouldn’t let me finish my sentences and I cried and I just want to die. I used to think of such wonderful and fun and beautiful times whenever I thought of them but now I can’t look at them or think about them without hearing what they sound like yelling. I hate it. I bet now when they think of me, they only think of horrible things too.

I don’t know if I want to go back. When people yell here at least, I can go sit in my room and close the door and be with my stuff and drink to cope if I want. I can’t do that there.

I don’t feel safe with anyone anymore.

I’m so worried about C too. I gave them weight concern issues when I was there and they started restricting their eating and O keeps talking about my issues and my calories and stuff with them and I know that that must be all kinds of triggering but even when I say they shouldn’t and even when I try to imply it’s not something to discuss in front of them, they don’t listen. I don’t know what to do because O will be upset if I don’t tell them things but I don’t want to keep risking triggering C worse since this just becomes an inescapable lifelong thing.

Fuck everything dude, I want a coma.

[willowsrecovery]

14-11-12022

My day:

So I missed two days of this, they were both really hard shitty days. Today has also been hard. I had my doctors appointment this morning that went alright, we talked about my mental health a lot and she’s quite concerned. Then we came home and rested for a bit before going to the shops, but right at the start there was an incident with my mum and sister where they both raised their voices had a panic tone and jumped at me and it scared me quite a bit, when I tried to explain why I was scared my sister got quite defensive which made things worse, so I felt like shit for the whole trip and wanted to shit off. When we got home I laid in bed and cried for a bit before having a nap, when I got up I did my diary cards and had dinner then went for a walk. I was in a lot of pain so I didn’t even make it half way, and when we came back I had a massive breakdown that lasted a few hours (I’m just coming out of it now) I was first upset about getting me food that I can make myself for breakfast, and then about my bathing situation. I haven’t been able to have a bath in days because the last time I did one I sat there scrubbing one arm for 10 minutes before having a breakdown for an hour over it still not being clean enough and thought about it for the rest of the night, so now my brain won’t let me do it at all. Then I was upset about all the jobs/tasks, mums being saying to give them to her but she doesn’t have the time/energy to do them either, she can hardly keep up with everything there already is, that turned into a fight after me expressing that it always feel like she’s dismissing my concerns when all she says is “it’s fine”. I then felt like I was just the problem for not wanting to live in a mouldy house or have my cat eating/drinking from mouldy bowls since everyone else seems fine with it and it made me pretty suicidal, feeling like I was just the problem. I ended up self harming a bit with the only thing I had available (not mentioning what it was) and say in bed and cried for 2 hours. Mum has now cleaned the laundry and all the cat stuff which I’m thankful for but I still feel like shit.

What I accomplished today:

• morning hygiene routine

• made myself lunch

• did my diary cards

• went for a little bit of a walk

• night hygiene routine

Self validating statement:

My cats and I deserve to live in a clean and safe environment, and I’m not demanding too much to want that to be met

Shadow work prompt for the 12th:

Describe a relationship you walked away from. Write down the reasons it’s been a positive life choice.

The most recent was with an ex boyfriend, we stayed friends for a while afterwards but he started treating me really shit, and not respecting the deals and agreements we had, he knew what I needed and expected of the relationship and even tho they were very basic requests he broke them, so I decided I didn’t deserve to be treated like that, and when I left he tried to make me the bad guy and blame it on me to our mutual friend (who is now my sister and moved out from his house into mine)

Shadow work prompt for yesterday:

Describe yourself with objectivity.

I’m not really sure what to say here, I struggle with a lot of tasks, but I care for people a lot, sometimes to a downfall.

How easy was this task?

Kinda tricky, but I came up with it alright (tho I’m not sure if I really answered the question correctly)

Do you know who you truly are?

Honestly? I don’t know if I do, I’m quite detached from myself a lot and kind of just go off what other people say about me

Do you like who you are?

Not really, I don’t like how limited I am by things and how much I struggle, and I don’t like the way my brain functions

Shadow work prompt for today:

What person has hurt you the most in your life?

My ex best friend George, our friendship and what happened still haunts me

Write them a letter telling them all the things you’d like to say.

George, you’re an absolute peace of shit, I hate you with my whole body, but the worst part is that some of my heart still loves you. That day you SA’d me has lived with me and still haunts me 6 years later. I’m still  tortured by dreams with you, half of them good we’re we make up, half of them horrible with you attacking me, all of them bad in some way. I wish you knew how much you hurt me, but you probably don’t care, I was just one of your many victims, even tho you were my best friend for a year and half, the first person I trusted again, the first person I opened up to, the first person that made me feel loved and worthy of care and compassion. Then you broke all that and you taught me that all I’m good for is sex, and to get what you want around me. The rumour spread around school that someone in my grade slept with someone in your grade, and the one in your grade finally got what they had been wanting for months, but the girl in my grade didn’t live up to expectations and was disappointing, and they were just a shitty prostitue. So thanks for that, thankfully they didn’t figure out it was me but I could never go back. Then when David confronted you you blamed it all on TJ, who was also a rapist piece of shit, but you knew what you did, you admitted it to me over text, but played it off like it was someone else. I hate you, I hate you’re guts, you don’t deserve a nice life for everything you did to me and those other girls. I should’ve listened when I was warned after what you did to Ali, but I was naive, and I loved you, I wish I never met you, you monster.

Ha sorry that was a bit long and a bit intense, if you can’t tell, I’m still quite affected by that whole situation

Anyway, here’s some photos of my cat to cheer us up, she has an instagram now, little_asterroid

I didn’t listen to music today so unfortunately I don’t have a song, so I guess goodbye for tonight

[allywritesforfun]

{Getting Redder} Wilbur Soot x Reader

summary: part 2, the morning after part one “getting red”

pronouns: not mentioned

word count: 1091

trigger warnings: swearing 

regular masterlist

wilbur masterlist

taglist

anon list

The phone rang, you groggily shuffled in your spot. Wilbur, who was pushed up against your back, holding you tight, reached over you, grabbing his phone.

“Hm?” You asked him, still struggling to get your eyes open.

“Yeah, Mark?” Wilbur answered, his voice deep from just waking up. “No, I’m not gonna edit the music video today...I don’t know, I’ll do it another day...Yeah, bye.”

He hung up and put his phone back on the nightstand, his arm returning to your side. He nuzzled into your neck, and breathed in, “I forgot to tell him I wasn’t going to the studio today. He wants me to work on the music video.”

“You should, it’s a really cute concept,” You mumbled. 

He shook his head, “I told you last night that I would take the day off.”

That’s right. Last night he worked all day and felt bad that he couldn't give you as much attention as he wanted to give you. He promised you that today was gonna be a you and him day. Just you two, all day.

“Going back to bed?” You asked him.

He shrugged, “Do you want to?”

“We’re already up,” You pointed out. “Might as well stay up.”

“You know what we should do?” Wilbur asked, unwrapping himself from you and holding his head up with his free hand.

“Hm?”

“We should go out for breakfast. We haven't done that in a while.”

You were taken back. Wilbur gatekept you from his fans, no one actually knew that you were dating him. You haven't gone out in busy areas like a breakfast diner since he got big on Twitch. You normally did early morning or late night dates; the occasional ‘I rented out this place for us’ was a thing too.

“Like right now?” You asked him. “At what?” You looked over at the clock, “By the time we would get there it would be around 9, prime breakfast time. Not to mention it’s a Saturday too and-”

“You don't want to go, do you?” He interrupted.

“I thought you didn’t want to go in public with me, you didn't want the drama.”

“Well-” He started. “I just wanna make this one day special to make up for yesterday and the nights to come when I won’t see you. I wanna go out to breakfast if you want.”

You nodded, “Yeah, I could go for some pancakes.”

“Not a fan of my homemade ones?” Wilbur teased. 

You huffed, swinging your legs over the side of the bed, “You know I love your pancakes; they’re my second favorite thing to wake up to.”

“Second? What’s the first?” He asked as if he didn't already know the answer, what an attention whore he is. 

“You :)”

You two decided not to make going out a big deal. You two both went in lounge wear. Wilbur suggested matching your outfits, which sadly you turned down. Best case scenario of getting recognized, you look so casual that people think you two are siblings. Which, might not be the best case because that’s gonna be a lot of explaining if someone gets a pic of you two getting close.

Anyways, the breakfast place was packed. You ended up waiting a few minutes, but it wasn't that bad. Wilbur peacefully held your hand as you waited on the padded bench. You scrolled through twitter while he scrolled through reddit. Very basic of you two.

Also very basic, you both ordered chocolate milk to drink while you waited for your food. Wilbur had his drink a little away from him, that way he could lean forward and blow bubbles into his drink. You started giggling from how cute and childish he was.

“What?” He said softly, look up from you.

You giggled more, covering your mouth, “You just look so cute.”

He smiled back at you, returning to making bubbles. The waiter came with your food. Wilbur shot up in excitement. He did his little happy wiggle and waited patiently to start eating before the waiter walked away.

After breakfast, you went back home. 

“Wanna sit on the sofa and watch a movie or something?” Wilbur asked you.

“I don’t wanna sit down on the sofa,” You replied, setting your bag down.

“You want to stand?” He asked as a genuine question. 

You laughed, “No silly, I wanna cuddle with you!”

“Oooh cuddles!” He cheered, running over to the sofa. 

You followed him, tossing him the remote. He turned on Netflix and chose the “shuffle” options. Some home renovating show was chosen. You approached the sofa, Wilbur lifted his arm up for you to snuggle into.

His free hand caressed your cheek and pulled you closer to him. He gently pressed his lips against your temple and readjusted himself, that way he was leaning into the corner. Thank god he did, you were worried that your legs were gonna fall asleep. You brought them into you and leaned against Wilbur’s chest. His arm fell to your side and reached out to rub your leg.

He leaned into your ear, “Are you cold?” His hot breath against your cold skin made you shiver, causing him to grab the blanket behind him and threw it up in the air, spreading it out across your body, “There you go, Love.”

“Thanks baby,” You smiled and kissed the back of his hand. You two watched the show, it was more interesting than you thought it was going to be. I guess you and Wilbur were getting close to moving out and getting a house together. 

He must've been reading your thoughts and body language, “When we get a house, are we going to have a pool?”

“A pool?” You repeated, looking back at the screen. “We live in the UK, why do you want a pool? It’s always gonna be too cold out.”

“Well we can get an indoor one,” He offered.

You shook your head, “We are not gonna be that couple. Can we just have a cute chill relationship please?”

He pulled you closer to him and placed his head atop of yours, “I like the sound of that.”

You stared into his soft eyes. They made you melt on spot. You tried to look away, but he had you locked into his trap.

“You’re so fucking cute,” He commented, his hand resting under your chin.

You felt yourself getting heated, a blush flourishing your cheeks. Wilbur smiled when he noticed, grazing his thumb along your jawline, “Now who’s the one who's getting red?”

taglist: @boiled-onionrings​ @anarchyanon​ @neptunebabes​ @wistahood​

[literallymitch]

𝐉𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐲 || 𝐃.𝐃

requested: yes

summary: The reader and Damiano have been flirting for while now. When Damiano catches the reader talking to a cute finish boy he gets jealous

pairing: Damiano David x Fem!Reader

word Count: 960

what kind of content: fluff, maybe a tiny bit of angst

warnings: brief mention of alcohol

a/n Please keep in mind english isn’t my first language!

Damiano and I met through his friend Leo. Just like the band, I was invited to his graduation ceremony and of course to the party, that was planned for later that day. From the moment we met, the singer and I got a long very well. We became drinking buddy’s for the night and everyone was amused by our drunk selves. Since then, we became really good friends.

Over the time we became a bit more flirty with each other. It was nothing serious since I wasn’t interested in a relationship and neither was he. At least that’s what he told me.

Now I sat with Leo in the big backstage era of the Eurovision Song Contest, waiting for our friends to finish their rehearsal. It still felt surreal to actually be here. I’m glad they asked me if I wanted to come with them.

I looked around me trying to process that this was actually happening. My best friends are participating in the biggest music competition in the world. A proud smile appeared on my face.

“I’m gonna grab some food. Do you want something too?” Leo asked me while getting up from the couch.

“No, thank you. Except they have y/f/f (your favorite food).” he just playfully rolled his eyes at me and then left.

“Do you mind if I keep you some company?” I looked up and saw one of the Finland guys standing in front of me.

“Yes you course! I’m y/n, by the way.”

“Thanks, I like that name. I’m Olli. Since your not one of the contestants, who are you here with?” he asked me while he sat down next to me.

“With Måneskin. They’re rehearsing right now, that's why I’m sitting here all alone. Oh, and because my other friend is getting food.”

“Ah Måneskin they seemed cool when we met them yesterday. How are you related to them?”

“We’ve been friends for a while now. So Olli tell me how did I get the honor, that you came over here.” I actually was curious why he did so.

“Well the other guys are playing table Tennis and since I totally suck at it I don’t play with them. Usually Joonas doesn’t play either, but he’s busy flirting with Kateryna right now. Then I saw you sitting here alone as well and decided to come over.”

We talked a bit more and turns out we have the same humor. We laughed a lot, my stomach was actually hurting from laughing so hard after Olli said something I found a bit too funny.

“Y/n you and Leo really missed something. The rehearsal was amazing!” Damiano interrupted our conversation. He let himself fall on the sofa right between Olli and me.

“Apropos Leo, where is he at?” he continued talking.

“He went to get some food, I think he should be back any moment now.”

“I’m sorry y/n they didn't have y/f/f. Oh, guys you’re back how was the rehearsal?” speaking of the devil.

Damiano wrapped his arm around my shoulder before he answered Leo’s question.

“I just told y/n how good it went, you have to watch it later when they post it on YouTube! By the way y/n did I already tell you how good you look today?” he now was checking me out.

This wasn’t the first time Damiano gave me a compliment or flirted with me. As I said, we have been flirty around each other for a while now, but he was acting really weird right now. I also could see how Olli got a bit uncomfortable by Damianos actions.

“I’ll go back to the boys now. It was nice talking to you y/n.” Poor boys just wanted  to get away from his bandmate flirting with the beautiful Ukrainian singer, and now he had to watch Damiano flirt with me.

------

Back at the hotel, I grabbed Damiano and dragged him somewhere, we could talk without anyone interrupting.

“You know if you wanted some alone time with e you could’ve just asked, amore”

I gave him a put-on smile. Normally I would just act along, but the way he acted at the arena today was extremely rude towards Olli.

“What was that back at the arena?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“I mean that you were unnecessarily rude towards Olli. He seemed so uncomfortable!” Damiano rolled his eyes.

“Since when do you care about how I act?” he sounded annoyed now.

“I care since Olli is a nice guy, and he didn’t do anything to you”

“Oh so he’s a nice guy I understand. So you changed your mind and relationships are an option now?” What was wrong with all of a sudden?

“What no I never said-” then it hit me. “Oh my god, you’re jealous!”

“No I’m not, I couldn't care less about whom you’re with. The flirting is just for fun” I did not believe one word he said.

“Oh yeah? So I can ask Olli for a date tomorrow? I’m pretty sure there is a beautiful park somewhere in Rotterdam.”

“No, y/n wait. Maybe I’m a bit jealous. It’s just you said you weren’t interested in dating, that’s why I haven’t crossed the friend line yet.” Now he was telling the truth.

“So you’re saying if I’d say I would start dating again, you would ask me out?”

“Yes, to be honest I’ve wanted to ask you after the first month we knew each other.”

“Do it then” he looked at me in surprise, but then a smile appeared on his face”

“Well y/n y/l/n (your last name) would you like to finally go on a date with me.”

“Yes, I’d love to.” I said, now also having a huge smile on my face.

[procrastinatingsapphictrash]

F*cking up the friendship

Word count: 3501

Genre: Angst and fluff

Pairing: Wanda x Natasha x fem!reader

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol (let me know if I need to add any)

Summary: You sometimes forget Nat and Wanda are dating each other but when they go off on a date you feel sad and add alcohol to the mix, unable to fully control your words around them when they come back.

A/n: I’ve been in a huge wandanat x reader mood recently so you’re probably going to get spammed with a lot of these. Originally this was supposed to be a 1k words get together fluff fic that was suggested to me but then I added angst and other stuff so I decided to make the fluffy get together fic separately. Anyways I hope you all enjoy this, I spent hours yesterday writing so I could finish it in one day. 

You sigh loudly as you flip through Netflix, finding nothing interesting to watch. Usually on a Friday night you would be doing something with Wanda and Nat but today they had told you they had a special date planned so you haven’t seen them at all. It was a completely horrible idea to fall in love with your two best friends who happened to be dating each other but your heart betrayed your brain and now you were stuck in this situation, finding it impossible to get over the two most amazing women you had ever met. Spending nearly all your time with them did not help and everyday you feel your heart break a little when they kiss each other in greeting but only give you a smile. You know you should be thankful for their friendship, and you are, but it also pains you to know that there can never be more. 

You imagine what it would be like to share kisses and wake up wrapped in their arms. One time when you had fallen asleep on the couch after staying up late watching movies with them Natasha had carried you to bed and tucked you in and Wanda had said goodnight with a kiss on your forehead. You never talked about that night because you had pretended to be asleep but you replay it over and over in your mine, wishing that it wasn’t a one time thing. They are so strong, so kind, so smart and just so amazing in every possible way. It’s fitting that they are together but it also sucks to have to watch the perfect people have a perfect relationship while you pine silently, always trying to be a supportive friend. 

You try to think positive thoughts but you can’t help but wonder what they could be doing now which ruins your mood. Nothing on Netflix looks good to watch by yourself with nobody to make fun of cringy rom-coms with or to hide your face in during horror movies. It’s almost scary how much time you’ve spent with them recently and how reliant you’ve come to be on it. Come to think of it you can’t remember the last time they went on a proper date and you start to wonder if by watching movies with them you were actually intruding upon their alone time. You hope they would have been honest and told you if you were but they have always been nothing but nice to you so it’s possible they just didn’t want to hurt your feelings. 

Giving up on watching altogether you throw the remote aside carelessly, wincing when it bounces off the couch and hits the floor with a bang, and stand up. Making your way out of the living room and over to the room where the mini bar is you push all the thoughts from your mind, focusing only on the fact that you really need a drink right now. You don’t bother to turn the lights on when you enter the room, heading straight for the bottles and pouring some whiskey into a glass, much more than a recommended size. 

Sitting down on the couch you take a gulp. It burns and tastes disgusting, you’ve never been one for drinking but tonight you enjoy the feeling, not drinking for pleasure but drinking to hopefully forget. It takes about an hour before your thoughts get all muddled and you feel more relaxed. You slowly start to close your eyes and drift off to sleep when you are woken suddenly by a thump and a stream of curse words. You startle and your hand jerks spilling the rest of your drink all over your lap. 

Natasha and Wanda are standing a few feet in front of you. Natasha is looking at you with an expression you can’t recognize in your inebriated state and Wanda is clutching her foot, looking darkly at the leg of the coffee table. 

“Shit.” You mumble loudly, both at spilling your drink and at seeing them while drunk. This wasn’t supposed to happen, they were supposed to still be gone and now you’ve just embarrassed yourself completely in front of them. 

“Hey, Y/n,” Natasha is at your side in an instant, cupping your face in her hands, “let’s get you cleaned up okay?”

Wanda is there a second later, hovering. “And then maybe you could tell us what’s wrong.”

“Nothhhing’s wrong.” You slur, standing up. “Goodnight.”

“No no no, you’re not going anywhere by yourself right now.” Natasha tells you firmly, grabbing your arm. You don’t protest, partly because you know they are both stubborn and will always win and partly because you secretly want to spend as much time with them as possible. 

“Listen to Nat,” Wanda advises, “can you walk?”

“I can walk.” You say, crossing your arms and trying to look serious

Natasha raises an eyebrow, doing a horrible job at stifling her laughter for a spy. “Show me then.”

You take a few steps forward, looking triumphantly at Natasha before you stumble, arms flailing out and grabbing Wanda to prevent yourself from falling. Wanda helps pull you back up straight and kisses you on the forehead.

“I think the correct answer to the question is no.” She tells you amused. “Let me help you.” 

She doesn’t wait for a response and hooks an arm underneath your shoulders to help support your weight. You lean into her and match her steps, frowning when Natasha hurries away in front instead of walking with you.

“She’s just going ahead to grab something.” Wanda whispers, noticing your expression. You feel your entire body shiver from the sound of her whisper in your ear. Luckily she doesn’t mention it and just tightens her grip around you and continues until you’ve reached their shared room.

You stare at the door in confusion. “What are we doing here?”

“Did you really think we would leave you alone when you’re drunk and obviously upset about something?” She asks rhetorically. “We want to take care of you.”

You’re glad she’s holding you up otherwise you’re afraid you would have melted to the floor from her words alone. She pushes the door open and leads you inside. Natasha is waiting and hands you a pile of clothes. You recognize the bottoms as Wanda’s favourites and the top as Natasha’s shirt. 

“For me?” You ask, confused. She had handed them to you but maybe she actually wanted to give them to Wanda seeing as it’s their stuff.

“Yes for you silly,” she says smiling, “are you able to change by yourself in the bathroom?” You nod, feeling slightly more sober now.

“Okay just be careful and call if you need us.” Wanda tells you before stepping away from your side. You already miss her warmth but you pretend to be unaffected and head into the bathroom to change. 

It takes longer than usual, in part because you accidentally tried to put both legs in the same hole at first, but you managed to undress and put the pajamas on. They’re soft and smell like a mixture of them and you will deny it if asked but you hold the shirt up to your nose and breathe it in before realizing how weird that is. Walking back out of the room you shift nervously, unsure of what to do with both Natasha and Wanda staring at you intently.

“Come here sweetheart.” Natasha says and you immediately comply, heart pounding at the endearment, sitting down beside her on the bed in between her and Wanda. “Do you want to tell us why you got drunk now?” You shake your head furiously, only stopping when it starts to make you nauseous. 

“No, I don’t really-” You get cut off by your own yawn, suddenly very tired. 

Wanda giggles. “Let’s get you to bed now.”

You start to pout, upset that you have to leave and go back to your room but before you can move she uses her powers to gently float up the bed to the pillows, pulling you with her. Natasha joins you and cuddles you from behind so you’re pinned between them. Your eyes feel so tired but you try to fight sleep, wanting to stay in the moment forever. 

“Goodnight Y/n.” Natasha says and you stop resisting and start to relax. 

“Night Tasha I love you.” You tell her sleepily. “I love you too Wanda.”

“Sleep well Y/n.” Wanda replies, giving you a short kiss on the top of your forehead. You feel so warm and safe between them and it only takes another minute before you’re fast asleep.

---

You try to move but something strong and warm is holding you down. Your eyes fly open and the first thing you see is Wanda’s face, inches from your own. Natasha must be behind you because you can feel her wrapped around you and her small breaths blowing the back of your head. It’s nice but you can’t remember how you got here so you wrack your brains, ignoring your headache. You were sad so instead of watching a movie you started drinking, then they found you and then they took you back here and after that-SHIT. Shit shit shit shit shit you had told them you loved them. 

You aren’t naive enough to believe they think you meant it in a platonic way, you never tell your friends you love them and Natasha and Wanda are both really smart and can easily tell what you’re thinking. You just hope that they don’t tease you about it because you don’t think you could handle anything but being let down gently. 

“What are you thinking about?” Natasha asks from behind you. You hadn’t realized she was awake already but somehow she noticed you are, she’s scary with how much she knows sometimes. As much as you know this conversation will be awkward and painful you know there’s no point in delaying it and it’s best if you have control over it. 

“That I’m sorry.” You tell her. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for.” She says gently, sitting up, understanding what you’re referencing. 

“No I do, I made things weird and I didn’t want to do that.” You say, hating yourself for the lump that forms in your throat. You start to untangle yourself from Wanda, trying hard not to wake her. This conversation is difficult enough with one person, if Wanda wakes up you’ll most definitely start to cry and the last thing you want is for them to feel bad or to pity you. 

“Y/n-” She starts but you interrupt her, not wanting to hear it. 

“I hope we can still be friends.” You say making your way to the door before pausing. “Please tell Wanda I’m sorry and that I need some time to myself for the day but after that I will pretend nothing happened.”

“Y/n, please-” 

This time you cut her off by closing the door. You run to your room. You don’t think she’ll try to follow and catch up with you but you don’t want to take any chances and you certainly don’t want the others to see where you’re coming from and your shame to get deeper. You are stupid, so stupid, you shouldn’t have gotten drunk and you should have kept your stupid mouth shut. Their friendship means everything to you and although Natasha didn’t seem like she would stop being friends with you over it things will definitely be awkward for a long time and you’ve seen friendships crumble because of it. 

Luckily you make it to your room without anybody noticing and you take a few breaths to calm yourself, closing your eyes. It helps for a second but when you open them again you’re looking straight into your mirror and you can see yourself wearing their clothes and immediately feel the tears start to come. You jump onto your bed and bury yourself fully under the covers, trying to stop crying because you don’t deserve to, it was your fault, and crying only makes everything worse, including your headache. 

---

Natasha shakes Wanda awake only to hear her groan and shift, attempting to fall back asleep. 

Rolling her eyes she tries again. “Wanda. Wanda. Wanda wake up.” Wanda moves slightly and lets out incoherent mumbles before waking up more and sitting straight up.

“Where’s Y/n?” She asks alarmed, remembering you were here when she fell asleep.

“That’s why I’m waking you up; she left.” Natasha tells her and Wanda frowns.

“Why?”

“Because we messed up and now she thinks we don’t love her.” Natasha explains. “She thinks that she ruined our friendship by telling us she loved us last night since we didn’t say it back and she left before I had time to correct her.”

“Oh crap.” Wanda says, thinking about how things seemed for you. From your point of view you had drunkenly confessed your feelings to people in a relationship before falling asleep with them not saying it back. 

“Yeah,” Natasha agrees, “I know we weren’t planning on doing the thing until this evening but I think we should do it now, we can’t let her be upset for any longer.” 

“You’re better at talking so you should get her while I set it up.” Wanda says and Natasha nods in agreement.

“Be as quick as possible, we will hopefully be there in ten minutes.” Natasha tells her before giving her a quick peck. Wanda sighs dreamily, imagining what it’s going to be like when she is dating both you and Natasha (provided you say yes of course but Natasha is certain you will and she trusts Natasha). 

Leaving her room Natasha quickly makes her way to yours and knocks on the door. 

“Go away.” You say and she can’t stand how sad and self loathing you sound just from those two small words.

“No,” she replies, “I need to talk to you.”

“Please.” You beg, your voice cracking in desperation. You can’t see her right now, not like this. She doesn’t listen, hating to ignore you but knowing that if she talks to you she can hopefully make it all better.

“Oh Y/n.” She sighs upon opening the door and seeing your lump under the covers. “Sweetheart it’s going to be okay.”

“No it’s not, I fucked up our friendship Nat!” You cry out, still refusing to show your face.

“No baby you didn’t.” She tells you, the endearment accidentally slipping off her tongue in her attempts to comfort you. “Please just give me a minute to explain some things.”

“Okay.” You sniffle, both confused and curious. You hate that you’re even a tiny bit hopeful at her words and you attempt to squash those thoughts down to spare as much of your heart that hasn’t already been hurt. 

“I would love to see your pretty face when I talk to you.” She prompts, gently lifting the edge of the covers. You slowly peek out of them like a turtle, well aware and slightly embarrassed of the fact that you look like you’ve been crying (which you have but it’s still embarrassing).

“There we go, that’s much better.” She tells you smiling. Even though you’re upset you can’t help but crack a wobbly smile back at her, her happiness really is infectious. She stares at your shirt as you pull more of yourself out from under the covers and you flush when you realize that you had never bothered to change and are still wearing her shirt. 

“It looks nice on you.” She says softly, reaching out to touch the hem before clearing her throat and switching into business mode. “I think you got the wrong impression.”

“I know I never should have-” You start to apologize, scared of her shift in mood. 

“That’s exactly what I mean.” She interrupts. “You seem to think that you’ve ruined our friendship by telling out how you feel but I can assure you that’s not the case at all and we are actually both extremely happy about your feelings.”

“Why isn’t Wanda here then.” You ask skeptically. 

“Because she’s in the living room where I’m supposed to bring you.” Natasha replies. “Will you come?”

“I don’t know,” you say nervously, “are you sure that…” you trail off, unsure of what else to say. 

“Y/n,” Natasha says and suddenly you’re all too aware of how close she is to you, “it will be good I promise.” 

As soon as she finishes speaking she leans in and her lips are on yours. It’s better than any of the times you’ve dreamed and it’s the perfect mix between hard and passionate but also soft and sweet.

“Wow.” You breathe when she pulls away after a few seconds, unable to think of anything else. 

She laughs. “Wanda’s going to be jealous that I got to do that before her and as much as I’d love to kiss you again we shouldn’t keep her waiting for too long.”

You nod silently and take Wanda’s hand when she offers it as she stands up and starts to walk out of the room.

“Wait,” you say just before you leave, “maybe I should change first.”

She looks over your (well technically their) clothes. “You are not changing, I like you wearing our stuff.”

You’re surprised to hear the slight possessive growl in her voice but it makes you incredibly happy. The start to this day had to be one of the worst in your life but it’s quickly becoming the best. Feeling as though you’re floating you allow her to pull you through the halls into one of the living rooms, the one you usually use for watching movies.

Wanda is sitting on the couch looking at the door when you come in but what catches your eye is the sheer amount of stuff around her. There are heaps of all your favourite candies and chips all around her and there’s a cute stuffed bear.

“Do you like it?” She asks and instead of answering you let go of Natasha’s hand and throw yourself at her, wrapping your arms around her waist tightly.

“I think that means yes.” Natasha says, laughing at your enthusiastic reaction.

“I love it,” you tell them, “I love-” You stop yourself before you tell them you love them again because even after all this you’re still not sure if that’s what they want to hear. 

“We love you too Y/n.” Wanda says and you sigh in both happiness and relief at her words. “Nat do you want to give her the thing now?”

You pull away from Wanda to look over at Natasha, curious as to what the thing is. Natasha picks up a small red jewelry box from the table that you hadn’t noticed earlier in your excitement and hands it to you. They both watch as you open it, suddenly nervous that you won’t like it.

You open it up to see a necklace with two charms on it and two charms that are identical lying beside it. Upon closer inspection you gasp, recognizing the the letter charms n and w as the same ones Natasha and Wanda wore on their necklaces, reminding them of each other. The charms lying beside it are the first letter of your name, presumably for them to add to their necklace. You feel yourself tear up at how sweet and thoughtful this gesture is. 

Wanda breaks the silence first. “This is what we were doing yesterday and it took all day because they were custom made so we wanted it done by the same person so it would look the same. We thought it would be nice for us to give you this when we officially asked you out so you don’t feel like an outsider or anything because we really like you and want things to go well.”

“What she’s trying to say is will you go out with us.” Natasha says, halting Wanda’s rambling. 

Wanda smiles sheepishly. “What she said.”

You slowly look up, careful not to let any tears fall and launch yourself into their arms, pulling whatever part of them you are holding towards you. 

“I think you already know the answer by now but I would love to.” You say, still trying to get as close to them as possible. They wrap their arms around you tightly and moving together they lift you a few steps to the couch and plop you down, sitting and cuddling on either side of you.

“Today’s movie day and we’ll take you on a proper date tomorrow.” Natasha promises and you hum happily in reply. You don’t care at all about what type of dates you go on or even if you go on them at all because you’re dating the two most amazing women in the world and that’s a high you’re going to be riding for a long time, possibly forever.

---

Taglist: @cherryblossomskye @aaron-despair @thewidowsghost @nyx-aira @stephanieromanoff @stop-drop-and-drumroll @peggycarter-steverogers @casperlikej @redswing​ @mxxnmocha​ @king-star​ 

[lifeofkaze]

Spring Break Challenge - Day 4

Prompt: Regret

A/N: Halfway done with @kc-and-co Spring Break Challenge and today we're in Sin City itself as some of our Rockstars maybe had a little too much fun the night before. And no, not what you're thinking. But also yes, exactly what you're thinking.

Katriona Cassiopeia belongs to @kc-and-co

Warning: Mentions of drinking, the stuff of hell that is tequila and NSFW activities

Find all stories for this challenge in the masterpost here.

Lizzie Jameson buried her head in her arms and wished she was dead, just done and over with, really. There was no way being blissfully dead could be any worse than how she was feeling on this almost offensively sunny morning.

The last time she had drunk as much had been during their last tour in Dublin, and even then Lizzie hadn’t felt quite as bad, she was sure of that. She shouldn’t have gone for that last drink. Or the one after that. Or the one after that. Or, for that matter, the one after that.

She briefly glanced up from her arms when her friend Katriona Cassiopeia slumped into the seat next to her. She was looking pale and wore a set of big sunglasses, shielding her eyes from the mercilessly bright sun shining down on Las Vegas and handed Lizzie one of her two cups of coffee without so much as saying a word. Lizzie accepted the hot drink, poured three satchels of sugar in, put the lid back on and rested her forehead against it. If this was hell, at least there was coffee.

The two women sat in silence for a while when suddenly a smug voice broke them out of their self-pity.

“More than average pale faces, sunglasses and bags under the eyes as dark as the coffee you’re drinking?” Murphy McNully chuckled as he and his friend Orion Amari came over to their table. “If my eyes don’t prove me wrong - which they haven’t done since our Christmas party two years ago and I wasn’t in possession of all the available information at the time - I’d say you two have taken a cup too much. Or shot, in that case.”

“It’s the dose that makes the poison,” Orion hummed as he slipped into a seat next to Lizzie, “and if you ask me, that was a clear overdose on tequila yesterday.”

“I’m never drinking tequila ever again,” Lizzie groaned into her arms.

“I remember you saying that before.”

“This time I mean it,” she said and reached for Orion’s sunglasses, plucking them off his nose and putting them onto her own. “That’s much better.”

“That was not very nice,” Orion said and squinted at the sudden brightness.

“Maybe, but I’m desperate.”

“That much is apparent.”

“Where are yours, Liz?” KC asked and arched an eyebrow, so that it was showing over the rim her own pair of sunglasses.

“They’re gone.”

“Gone?”

“I kind of lost them.”

“When? Before we headed out yesterday you had them on your head.”

“And how can you kind of lose something?” Murphy mused and frowned. “You can lose something, misplace it, throw it away, drop it, forget it…”

“Can you just stop talking, please?”

“Where did you see them last?”

Lizzie muttered something under her breath and Murphy leaned in to hear her better. “What was that?”

“I said, on the roof.”

“On the roof?” Murphy looked astounded.

“Yes.”

“Well, why didn’t you get them back?”

Lizzie looked to Orion for help but he was suddenly very occupied with typing something into his phone. ���I couldn’t.”

“You’re overly concise today, Lizzie,” Murphy complained. “We could go and get them back now.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

Lizzie sighed. “Because they fell off my head and into a ventilation shaft.”

Murphy frowned. “To gain enough momentum for your glasses to lose the grip on your hair and fall down into a ventilation shaft you would’ve needed to actually bend down over it and…” He trailed off and mouthed a silent ‘Oh’ as the pieces fell into place inside his head. He started to grin and Lizzie sunk deeper into her seat, while Orion was still very intent on not joining their conversation.

Next to Lizzie, KC giggled and rested her chin on the back of her hands; she suddenly seemed a lot more attentive than before. “How did you guys even end up there?”

Lizzie gave her a pointed look over the rim of Orion’s sunglasses. “We had to use the stairs and may have just walked a little too far. Somehow, the lift seemed to be blocked.”

“Funny how that happens sometimes,” KC said with a smirk and Murphy decided it was high time to change the topic.

“I assume the chances of you girls coming with us to look at the sights are minimal this morning?”

“Can we sleep on the bus while you go and be all culturally interested?”

“No.”

“Then the chances are below minimal,” KC said and downed the remains of her coffee. She pulled Lizzie from her seat and linked arms with her. “We’ve got better things to do anyway.”

“And what would that be?” Murphy asked and both he and Orion looked at them questioningly; neither Lizzie nor KC seemed to be in a state to do much at all.

“Liz and I have a date with a good friend of mine,” KC declared and marched Lizzie away from the table. “She’s called Bloody Mary and she’s dying to know about that rooftop.”

[undyingskies]

Jealous

Hello everyone, I am back yet again with another Charlie fic! I really enjoyed writing this one, it was a lot of fun! Also it’s long about 3,000+ words, I read over it and edited it as much as I could, so I really hope I caught all the mistakes! As usual I am happy to take requests, especially because I am starting to run low on ideas! Anyways, hope you enjoy! xoxo 

Warnings: None really, there is a little make out sesh but it’s not long!

_________________________________________

        Season 2 came before you knew it, even though it felt like the renewal of Julie and The Phantoms took forever. But the minute it got renewed to now felt like a whirlwind of activities that happened before you could even take a breath in.

Now it’s two months into filming and this is the first time you’ve been able to visit your boyfriend Charlie since the start of it. You had to finish your semester of school before you could come visit him, knowing that you’d never get any schoolwork done if you came to visit during the semester.

It was a long two months and you truly could not be happier to be sitting smushed between Charlie and Owen in the car heading to set at 6 am. Any other time you would have dreaded being up so early but it didn’t seem so bad with your boyfriend’s hand resting on your thigh and the bickering of the two boys.

“You guys have been up for maybe an hour and you seriously haven’t stopped to take a breath from whatever you guys are arguing about this time.” You laugh, while pointing it out, because seriously it started the minute they woke up this morning and hasn’t stopped.

“Y/N, I feel like you’ve forgotten the dynamic that goes on between these two and their early mornings. We have sleep beauty number 1 and 2 here!” Jeremy laughs from the front seat.

You know he’s right; these two boys bicker non-stop anyways but especially on early mornings since they both love their sleep.

“Thanks for coming to set today baby, I know you got in yesterday but I don’t think I would have been able to get much done today knowing you’re sitting at the apartment waiting for me.” Charlie whispers into your ear sending chills down your spine and butterflies to erupt in your stomach at his early morning voice.

“Of course, you know I wouldn’t miss it for a thing besides I miss the rest of the cast! I’m excited to see them!”

A smile takes its place on Charlie’s face and he leaves a small kiss on your neck before turning back to look at his phone.

You originally met Charlie on the set of Julie and the Phantoms season 1. You never wanted to be on the big screen or some big actor but the industry always intrigued you so you signed up with a local company to be an extra for sets. It let you travel, see the business, and put money in your pocket when you weren’t doing school.

You were an extra for the crowd scenes, so basically any time the band played you were there watching. One day before they started filming, you were watching Dirty Candy perform and without thinking you started doing the choreography with them. You had been a dancer for about 12 years but a bad knee injury took you out of the game. Your love for dance never stopped though so you really enjoyed watching them perform.

I guess the girls had noticed you doing the choreography so they approached you asking if you were a new dancer on set. Embarrassed that they caught you dancing, you let them know you weren’t, you just watched them so many times you had memorized it by accident.

The girls were really nice and you quickly took a liking to Savannah and Tori, they would ask you to hang out while they practiced because you could pick out little details to fix or make better. From there it turned into a beautiful friendship, they started inviting you to hang out off set and to all the hang outs with the rest of the cast. Then before you knew it, you were a part of the group and always attached to their sides.

When you first met Charlie, of course he got your attention, his cute smile and energy would grab anyone’s. You never really thought much of it after though, but you always did notice that he would always look at you and for a little extra longer, he paid a little more attention to you when everyone was talking as well as you, and he always seemed to smile just a little bigger when he’d pull you into a hug to say hello.

Then one day he asked you out, just like that. Savannah and Tori mentioned that they thought he was going too but you didn’t think he would. Nothing ever really happened between you two, it was just a friendship where you flirted sometimes, but like you said before you noticed those small things but didn’t think much of it.

Of course you said yes though, he looked so nervous and cute that you felt yourself fall almost immediately after that. Which pretty much happened, after your first date  there was another and then another, and then you guys were in a relationship and pretty much inseparable.

A tug to your hand pulls you out of your thoughts, you guys had arrived on set and Charlie was tugging you out of the car. Sometimes the boy forgets his own strength and he has you tripping out of the car. He laughs and stabilizes you by grabbing onto your hips. He looks down at you, placing a sweet kiss to your lips that was quickly interrupted.

“Is that Y/N  we see?” You hear Tori squeal followed by a “Yes that sure is.” from Savannah. Then they’re both next to you pulling you apart from Charlie and engulfing you in a group hug between the two girls.

It does feel good to be back with them, they quickly became two of your closest friends during your time as an extra on the show and you never lost touch with them either.

“Charlie, they need you in costume quick, they want to start as soon as they can to-Y/N!!” You hear your name yelled and arms wrap around your waist.

You turn to see the one and only Madison Reyes, you’re quick to wrap your arms around her as well. You loved the girl and she felt like a younger sister to you, she always came to you to talk and tell you secrets. You had really missed her even though she did facetime you about once a day.

“Mads it’s good to see you, I’ve missed you girly!”

“I’ve missed you too ya know, those facetime calls just don’t always cut it.” She laughs. “Anyways they do need us, they want to start filming as fast as they can today.” She says turning to Charlie and letting you go.

“Well you wouldn’t mind if we stole your girlfriend then would you Charlie since you’re busy?” Tori asks. “Besides you had her all yesterday, it’s our turn now.” You laugh at the girl’s words and turn to your boyfriend.

“I guess it’s alright, I’ll see you on set then? You said you’d watch our performance today.” Charlie says while pulling you in for one last hug before you depart.

“Of course, you know I wouldn’t miss that!” He places a kiss on your lips before he leaves with Madi and you with the girls. Who are both staring at you almost two excitedly.

“You two scare me sometimes, so much energy so early in the morning.” All of you laughing at your words. You follow them to the area where they will be filming but they have chairs and breakfast set up as well. You’re sitting with the girls, just drinking some coffee for the time being.

“So how has it been Y/N, does it feel good to be back around this craziness?” Savannah asks you.

“It’s been good, as far as life goes not much has changed since we all last talked! I finished the semester strong and only have two semesters left which is a relief. I hope when I’m done that means I will get to be around more and to travel with Charlie. And of course if feels good to be back! I’ve missed it and everyone really. I was bummed not to be able to re-sign to do extra work but I had to focus on school.” You tell the girls.

“Oh of course, we get that. Everyone here just misses you so much especially Charlie! As much as I am glad, you’re here so we can see you, I may be more glad because now we don’t have to hear him complain about how much he misses you.” You laugh at Tori’s words. The girls decided to actually send you quotes of the day that Charlie said about how much he missed you, that boy was quite dramatic but the quotes did end up being the highlight of your day more often than not.

You’re engulfed in conversation with the girls and don’t even realize the time flying by. They talk about the new season how it’s going, the new dances that they’re doing, your relationship and any other topic you could really think of.

A flash of orange catches your attention, you know that orange beanie like that back of your hand and you’re glad to see that it’s making its appearance in season 2. You follow the hat as it’s weaving through people and see it stop in front of the cameras.

Charlie’s eyes catching yours, he gives you his dazzling smile and wave in your direction before Kenny pulls his attention back to him but not before Kenny throws a wave in your direction as well.

“Well we got to go, we’re all in this scene but we’ll see you after!” Savannah says pulling you into a hug, Tori quickly following her movements.

Now you’re left alone, to watch the scene unfold in front of you. It really is so much fun to watch them all interact with each other on and off the screen. It’s such a wonderful dynamic they all have going on.

This scene is some scene at school, where Dirty Candy confronts Julie. Julie has the boys behind her giving her comebacks to all the jabs thrown her way from Carrie. It’s actually a funny scene watching the boys yell the things at Julie.

Take one, take two, take three, take four, and then a large grumble erupts from your stomach pulling your thoughts away from the scene before you.

You look down at your watch to check the time, it has been about two hours and you’ve been so distracted by everything that you forgot to eat. The moment of realization makes your hunger grow about ten times more. You quickly make your way over to the food table.

There’s donuts, brownies, cookies, some croissants, an assortment of chips, and some breakfast sandwiches. Honestly it all looked so good, and your stomach was telling you to get a bit of everything. The donuts and croissants calling your name the most, and maybe one chocolate chip cookie as well. You’re finishing up putting together your plate and grabbing a water when a voice startles you.

“I’ve never seen you before, are you new here?” You turn to see a boy, probably about your age, dressed in the schools letterman jacket.

“Oh no, not really.” You say with a smile, turning back to grab your water and food, to walk back to where you were sitting.

“Oh really? I guess I’ve missed you around here then, what’s your name?” He asks, following your lead and sitting in the chair across from you. Guess this conversation isn’t over, you think.

“Ya, I’m actually just visiting. I was an extra for the first season. It’s Y/N.” You say hoping that was the end, but nope.

“Oh cool, I’m Josh.” He says leaning in, reaching out his hand for a handshake while scooting closer to you. Almost too close and beginning to ask more questions.

Little did you know, that someone’s eyes were on you watching the whole situation. The longer Charlie watched the more he could feel the pit in his stomach growing. He didn’t like how close that guy was sitting next to you or the way every time you said something he would just lean that much closer.

The look in that guys eyes could have made Charlie stop in the middle of the scene and yell something, but he’s too professional for that. But that look, he knows what that looks means, that guy liked you and he didn’t understand why you weren’t stopping the conversation. The pit in his stomach now a giant hole and his ears and face on fire from anger or is it jealousy he thought.

“And cut. That’s the last take for this one, great job guys!” He hears Kenny yell and before anyone could talk to him, he’s got his eyes locked on you and walking straight towards you.

A pair of arms wrapped around your shoulder and a kiss to your neck scares you, pulling you out of the conversation that never felt like it was gonna end. You can see Josh’s eyes widen at the action that just unfolded in front of him and before he could say anything you hear Charlie pipe up from behind you.

“Hi baby, who’s this?” You can hear him ask in a tone you never heard before; he sounds upset?

“Oh um this is Josh; he was just telling me about the role he’s playing this season.”

Charlie reached his hand out to shake Josh’s hand.

“Well it’s nice to meet you Josh, it’s weird that I’ve never seen you before. I appreciate you keeping my girlfriend company while I was just a little busy.” You can practically hear the jealousy coming from his voice and you don’t miss how Charlie emphases the world girlfriend.

Josh visibly gets uncomfortable by his words.

“Oh ya man, sure. Sorry, she didn’t mention she was here for her boyfriend, just said she was visiting.” He says giving an excuse to why he’s so close to one of the stars of the show girlfriend.

“Oh she didn’t, interesting...” Charlie says trailing off and giving you a look you don’t think you’d ever want to see again.

“As much as I would have loved to bring up the fact, I had a boyfriend there wasn’t much of a moment for me to mention it between Josh’s story telling.” You say getting upset at Josh and Charlie’s actions. Sass and frustration evident in your voice.

You can see Josh’s cheeks get slightly red. Charlie is quick to grab your hand and start to pull you away with a quick,

“Well nice to meet you bud. We’ve got to be going now.” He says while still pulling you away.

The minute you’re out of sight and hidden behind a wall Charlie has you pinned against the wall and his lips on yours.

He doesn’t even give you a chance to catch up before he has his tongue swiping your bottom lip to get in. He’s quick to bite down on your bottom lip, a moan escaping you.

Your hands entangle in his hair pulling him closer, his hands gripping your hips pulling you up to have your legs wrap around his waist. Charlie moves his hands down to cup your butt giving it a slap as he starts to attack your neck with his lips.

You can’t help but lean your neck to the side giving your boy all the access he wants, basking in the feeling of his lips on your skin.

You’re pulled out of your little world when you hear voices and they sound like they’re getting closer.

“Char...Charlie, stop, someone... there is someone coming.” You struggle to get out as he keeps kissing your neck, you place your hands on his chest to give him a little push away. You’re able to get him to detach himself from your neck and place you back on your feet.

Two people walk past you guys giving you small awkward smiles, definitely knowing what was happening due how close you guys were standing, the mess that Charlie’s hair now is, and what you can only imagine is two pairs of swollen lips.

When they leave, he’s quick to attach his lips back to yours. But you place your hands on his chest pushing you away a little bit, even though it took everything in you to do so because man is that boys mouth magic.

“Baby, what’s going on? As much as I know you and your love for what’s happening, it’s never this public.” You ask, slightly concerned at your boyfriends behavior.

He shakes his head a little and moves his hand to rub the back of his neck, a pink tint appearing on his cheeks.

“I just, I don’t know thought it’d be fun.” He says not making eye contact.

“Oh that’s some BS Gillespie, what’s up?” You knew your boyfriend too well and that was a cop out answer.

“I just, I didn’t like how that guy was looking at you, or sitting so close to you and then he brought up how you didn’t say you were here for me and I just I don’t know...” He trails off still looking away sheepishly.

A small smile does form on your face as his words, you’ve never seen Charlie get jealous and truthfully it was a little cute.

“Oh so someone was jealous?” You ask with a little laugh.

“What me? Jealous? No, never!” Again, he’s trying to brush it off; but with the lift of your eyebrows he knows you’re not buying it.

“Fine, I was jealous okay? I know it’s bad to be jealous but whatever...”

“Actually, I think it’s pretty cute.” You say with a little laugh, grabbing onto his arm to pull him closer to you.

“Really?” He asks with his signature smirk and that tone of cockiness he just always seems to sport just a little. He now has his arms wrapped around your waist pulling you just that much closer, if it’s even possible.

You give him a nod and lead his lips back down to yours to interlock them again. This time he pulls away but leaves his forehead leaning on yours.

“I love having you here, even if it means you get hit on by gross extras.” You laugh at his words and the fact that his insult is what a twelve-year-old would come up with.

“I love being here, you know that. I really did miss you.”

“I missed you too sweet stuff, just don’t forget you’re here to see your very handsome boyfriend.” You both laugh together at his words.

“How could I ever forget? Plus it seems like if he thinks so he gets a little jealous and I don’t mind the outcome of it.”

“Oh shut up, you’re my girlfriend just gotta make sure everyone knows.” You roll your eyes at his words and he leans down again to place another kiss on your lips.

“Yep, your girlfriend and don’t you forget it.”

You both laugh again as you pull him in for another kiss. Your boyfriend may be a little crazy but you wouldn’t change it for the world because nothing feels better than being able to be back in his arms and laughing in between sweet kisses.

[nevertheless-moving]

Suicidal Misunderstanding XIII

Part I - - - - - - Part II - - - - - - - - - - - -  Part XI - - - - - - Part XII

Star Wars Time Travel AU #27

Cody waited impatiently in the entrance room to the hall of healing, ignoring the surprising number of Jedi who drifted by aimlessly. 

As far as he could tell they were coming in just to stare at him, make meaningless small chat with the tight lipped receptionist, glance around, approach as if almost to talk with him, then drift out again without having accomplished anything.

Embarrassingly, it took him several minutes to realize why they were behaving so oddly. In his defense, a) he didn’t have much of a baseline for Jedi behavior in temple. 

And b) when numerous vod had approached him today to try and find out ‘why the General had missed last night’s conference,’ and ‘why Cody had been unreachable for large chunks of time, that was seriously unlike him,’ and ‘why had Cody gone to the Jedi Temple and stayed there for hours upon hours yesterday morning,’ and ‘why haven’t you taken your bucket off today,’ and ‘why has no one gotten a comm reply from General Kenobi since Ghost Company went drinking,’ and ‘why isn’t Skywalker answering comms,’ and ‘why do the Jedi seem so riled up today,’ and ‘why are you and Rex so tense,’ and, ‘are you going to the temple now,’ and ‘what the kriff happened to my desk,’ well.

They just asked directly.

He had grown so inured to unfamiliar Jedi silently willing him to answer their own jedi-variations on ‘What the fuck is going on with Obi-Wan’ that he almost didn’t notice when Windu came to stand next to him. 

“Here as a visitor?” He asked the Master stiffly. He was almost feeling wound-up enough to fight for his place in line. 

“No, I’m waiting to speak with Skywalker,” he replied, temporarily placating the Commander.

An unfamiliar Jedi Cadet with a short braid on the side of their head walked in, attempting to look casual and failing miserably. The small furred padawan stared nervously at Cody and Mace, and actually managed to open their mouth. Windu raised a brow. They immediately snapped their jaw shut, bowed, and scurried out. 

Cody watched through the window as they joined a group of even tinier Jedi. After a brief conversation with lots of waving limbs from all parties, the group turned in unison to make eye contact with Cody’s visor. Cody inclined his head slightly. They all ran off, practically tripping over their robes.

“Wasn’t sure if the eyebrow would work,” Mace muttered. “It’s been 50/50 today.”

“I’ve just been hiding whenever I can,” Cody confessed.

Mace winced. “My apologies for the delay in putting out a statement. We’re still trying to work out - an adequate substitute. At least for the upcoming campaign.”

Cody nodded, “I assumed as much."

“I assure you, we’ve taken your thoughts into consideration. You’ll receive a notice of the Council’s final decision before we send out a mass bulletin.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Fortunately, finally, Anakin stomped into the atrium, followed closely behind by the Nautolan soul healer. 

“Ah, Knight Skywalker, do you have a moment? I’d like to have a word with you.” 

Anakin startled at Mace’s words, but recovered quickly when he noticed the slow moving crowd just outside the door. “Of course, Master Windu,” he said with a bow.

“Commander Cody, would you care to follow me?” Aerdo said with a smile.

Cody and Anakin exchanged grim nods as they passed one another, following the Masters in opposite directions.

- - - - -

- - - - -

“The situation in the expansion region is deteriorating rapidly. We had already intended to send the 212th to moderate the situation after Umbara’s latest declaration. But increasing separatist activity in the sector means that we cannot afford to delay or under-commit. The hyperlanes are being taken, and with them, republic control over crucial supply lines is now threatened. We must deploy the third system army, the day after tomorrow at the very latest. They’re our best equipped force for the situation, not to mention the only uncommitted division large enough to make a meaningful impact. There is no viable alternative.”

Anakin nodded at Mace uncertainly. He had been keeping up with troop movements before everything, and, trying to keep himself sane, had even checked the news in between cutting off the Chancellor and visiting Obi-Wan only to find him unresponsive again. But...why exactly was the Master of the Order telling him this?

“You’re not seriously thinking of sending Obi-Wan? I mean even if he miraculously wakes up tomorrow...”

Master Windu sighed. “No, of course not. Which is why I’ve asked you here.”

“You...can’t be asking me to lead them?” Anakin asked, feeling lightheaded.

“I admit, the council did consider it. You are the one of our most successful Generals. Not to mention the one most familiar with Obi-Wan’s troops. Between the fact that the 501st is also needed on Umbara and every other Jedi’s unwillingness to step in to the position, your name came up multiple times.” Mace pinched the bridge of his nose while Anakin stared uncertainly.

“No, I have not brought you here for a promotion. I want to speak with you about your opinions on candidates for the 212th...as well as to ask if you believe yourself capable of leading the 501st without...losing yourself. I’ve finished reviewing your civilian casualties and consider your observed losses- tolerable, at least.”

Windu looked exhausted at having to say that out-loud and Anakin fidgeted, biting his tongue.

“As long as you are under the supervision of another Master, and if you swear to me on Obi-Wan’s life that you will report yourself if you find yourself slipping- I leave the command of the 501st up to you.”

Anakin felt queasy. How could he help Obi-Wan if he was half a galaxy away, on what sounded like a long, protracted campaign. If he refused to go, that would leave both the 501st and the the 212th without their generals. Or...was this how he could help? Carry one of his burdens for him? He was more than ready to lead! Probably! He had been leading! Part of him longed to charge into battle immediately- wash off his helplessness with blood. Anakin didn’t know how to fix Obi-Wan mind, but he was good at fighting, good at war.

And that thought brought back the ever-lingering cold. How could he trust himself? His...violence... it might have driven Obi-Wan to suicide. He still didn’t know! And if he left he wouldn’t know for months! He promised Obi-Wan not to kill again- how the kark was he supposed to do that while being a General?! Did ordering people to kill count, or was that worse?

“I need to think about the 501st ,” Anakin whispered.

Master Windu nodded. “I appreciate that. You have until dawn tomorrow to decide- in the mean time, let’s discuss the 212th.”

“Who’s the top choice?”

“Master Pong Krell. He’s actually our only choice that wouldn’t require reorganizing other assignments significantly.”

“He’s...a good duelist.” Anakin said, trying to think about what he knew of the Besalisk, “What division does he command?”

Windu grimaced. “That’s actually why he’s the best choice... Of the troops he’s had direct command over since the start of the war, over 85% are dead. He’s never lost a battle but...”

Anakin closed his eyes, “Right.”

Plenty of excellent fighters among the Jedi made terrible generals. He’d have to look over the Besalisk’s military record- it could just be terrible luck. Plo Koon had lost an entire division to the Malevolence, but he still was one of the best.

“When you say he’s the only choice...”

“Most Masters I’ve breached the subject with were extremely reluctant at the thought- I don’t want to force anyone into a position beyond what they’re willing to handle.”

“I guess that makes sense...but it seems...off?” Anakin trying to articulate his uneasiness.

“Our method of ‘promotion’ has a tendency to elevate those who should perhaps not be taking on more responsibilities.” Mace acknowledged grimly.

“Because... good Jedi aren’t really ok with war. And you’re only promoting Generals who are fine with the whole thing?” he said thinking of himself. “Or can’t say no?” he added bitterly, thinking of Obi-Wan.

“It’s not an ideal situation” Mace agreed, lines around his eyes growing.

Anakin scrubbed a hand to his face. He had been doing more thinking about the ‘concept’ of war and violence in the last two days than he had the last two years of actual fighting. There hadn’t been much point before, war was happening regardless of his feelings. Not to mention the fact that there wasn’t time to quibble over these sorts of things in the field. As much as he was desperate not to disappoint Obi-Wan again, he didn’t really enjoying being forced to consider this stuff now. It made him...itchy.

“Have you considered just putting Cody in charge of everything?” Anakin finally asked.

“Of course, but the Senate would never approve...”

- - - - -

- - - - -

- - - - -

“...With those few exceptions, the only major thing left to restock is perishables. But that’s more your department than mine, sir.” 

Cody finished his report. 

Obi-Wan continued to lay still, looking frail in the large medi-bed. The restraints made the image that much worse.

“Fuck.” 

Cody swore and, for the first time since crawling out of bed that morning, yanked off his helmet.

“General. General Kenobi. Obi-Wan can you hear me.” he said hoarsely, leaning over the bed.

The General didn’t move.

“Obi-Wan if you can hear me- try and shift around a little bit. Blink. Do anything. It’s me- Commander Cody. I- please, sir. Just do anything, they said you- you did this on purpose so please confirm you’re in there. I’m- shipping off soon and, I- I just need to know that you’re going to be ok. Please. Anything.”

Cody hovered absolutely motionless, watching for any sign of response. But Obi-Wan continued as he had been, lifeless but for his slow and steady breaths. 

Cody collapsed to his knees, vision spotty. Gasping for air, he rested his head on the side of the bed, desperately trying to pull himself together. 

After several long moments he pulled of a glove, tentatively reaching for Obi-Wan’s hand. It felt cold.

“General, if this is some sort of- dark force attack twitch your hand, ok? Please. We’re trying to understand- we’re here for you, just clench your hand if you’re under attack and someone will come to help.”

Cody paced his breaths to Obi-Wan’s, pulse slowing down to match the wrist in his grasp.

“Obi-Wan, why are you doing this? I don’t understand.” Cody rasped. 

“You- you told me I was one of your best friends. You- I don’t know why you think so highly of me but please you have to know I think the universe of you. We all do, but I really do. You don’t have to fight anymore if you don’t want to, we’ll protect you, you know that. You have to know that. But I can’t- I can’t imagine the rest of the war without knowing you’re alright somewhere.”

Cody pressed Obi-Wan’s hand to his forehead, choking back a sob.

“You said you had a ‘last mission.‘ I don’t know what that means. You’ve talked about after the war- I don’t get why your life has to end with a mission. I'm not sure if I understood anything you said, but I’m right here and I would never hurt you. I don’t know what you saw but I would die first, ok? I want you to know that I would gladly die before hurting you so- so you don’t have to worry about whatever vision you had. Just wake up and tell me what I have to do and I’ll do it.”

Cody sat on the floor, clinging to Obi-Wan’s hand and continuing to breathe. 

Eventually, the door clicked open behind him. 

“Commander Cody? I’m terribly sorry but it’s been an hour...” Healer Aerdo’s voice came trickling in.

“I understand- is there time for me to say goodbye?” Cody rasped, not looking back. 

“Of course.” 

The door clicked shut and Cody stood jerkily.

“Goodbye, General Kenobi. Obi-Wan. I’ll take care of the men for you while you’re- resting. Please, I know I say this a lot but take care of yourself, ok?”

Cody pressed Obi-Wan’s hand to his forehead one last time before reverently resting it on the bed. Pulling his helmet on roughly, he turned sharply and marched out the door. 

Obi-Wan remained determinedly still.

Next: XIV

[hwangsies]

LIMERENCE

(n) the state of becoming infatuated with another person

pairing: hyunjin x female reader

summary: you haven’t spoken a word to hyunjin since he ghosted you after a fun new years eve together, so what’s the worst that could happen when fate (or chaeryong,...well, same thing) pairs you up for a road trip across the country?

warnings: e2l (ish), university student!au, non idol!au ,a lot of swearing. alcohol consumption,long flashback, mentions of infidelity, hyunjin is a giggly sweetheart, smut as in: dom!hyunjin, unprotected sex (wrap it up luvs),fingering, oral (f recieving), slight choking, praise kink, hand & strenght kink (manhandleing oopsie), slight overstimulation, hyunjin is really enthusiastic about consent (as you should be, periodt), reader is nervous and scared of hyunjins big pickle (ew i hate myself), motel sex (but it’s not trashy i promise!)

8.6 k words ,meaning grab a snack and a drink,

and enjoy!<3

---

"alright everyone" your professor rubs his hands together "that was it for today... i hope you all have a great break and i'm very exited to see all of you again next semester. hopefully in person again" he chuckles.

You and your classmates exchange goodbyes with him before one after the other exits the zoom call.

"fuck" you sigh after closing your laptop and lean back on your bed.

"you did it girl" your dormmate chaeryong claps, at which you giggle before shifting your eyes to her on the other side of the room.

She's sitting on her bed, folding her clothes before putting it in her suitcase thats placed in front of her.

"finally" you sit up and watch her roll up a pair of socks.

"my last class was yesterday and mrs kim teared up" she giggles "it was kinda cute not gonna lie"

"oh god" you snicker.

"hey did you find someone to take to yongin?" you ask, remebering chearyong talking about wanting to find someone to share gas expenses with in exchange for a ride to her hometown.

"oh yea, i did" she turn to you "i think you know him, seo changbin?"

You furrow your brows in thought, you feel like you've heard of the name.

"he's a music major, one year above us, hes also from yongin" she continues folding a pair of jeans "funny you'd ask actually cause he told me one of his friends was looking for a ride to seoul, isn't that where you're going?"

"Yea i was thinking about finding someone honestly because gas is really fucking expensive if you aint rich" you say, placing your laptop onto your nightstand.

"Mm you aint gotta tell me girl" chaeryong mumbles, folding a sweatshirt.

"so who's that friend?" you ask, stretching out on your bed.

"he's in his grade, hyunjin"

Your neck almost cracks from how fats you whip your head “hwang hyunjin?”

"Oh yea" she points at you "you know him?"

"unfortunately" you huff.

"o-oh, what"s the tea?" your roommate wiggles her brows at which you shake your head.

"nothing much really" you sigh, leaning back again "he's just like the most arrogant and stuck up fuckboy ever"

"wow, well thats not nothing" chaeryong laughs "any reason as to why you think that?"

"you could probably ask any girl on campus and she'll tell you the same" you scoff.

"really girl?" chaeryong squints an eye at you playfully "cause i've only heard of him being hot but never of him being a hoe. And you know i'm the first to know the hot gossip" she winks.

Laughing defeatedly, running your hand through your hair.

"it's just- we hit it off at the campus' new years eve party, like really hit it off- at least thats what i thought"

"oooh spill it spill it" chaeryong leaps over to your bed to sit at the end of it.

"well there's really not much to spill, i gave him my number and he was talking all that smack about taking me out and stuff aaand to make a long story short i never heard from him again"

"well" chaeryong speaks slowly, biting her lip guiltily "i dont think you'll be very happy about me giving changbin your number for him, then?"

"you did what???" your eyes almost pop out of your head.

"sooorryy" she jumps up from your bed, clutching her hands apologetically "i didnt know"

"aaaaarghh" you whine, burying your face in your pillow.

"maybe he won't even text you though" chaeryong tries to console you, but the damage is already done...

-

unknown number - hey i got this number from changbin, i heard you're driving up to seoul, i'd love to tag along if you're looking for someone to share expenses with -recieved at 9:12 am

You huff looking at the message on your phone.

After chaeryong had left last night you really convinced yourself that he couldn't possibly dare to reach out to you.

But here you are reading his message after just waking up, and your day is already ruined.

you - who is this? - sent at 9:56 am

You know who it is, but you're not going to give him the satisfaction of thinking that you do.

Scoffing when he answers almost immediately.

unknown number - this is hyunjin, did i reach the right person? - recieved at 9:57 am

You have two choices at this point.

1. be petty and bitter about a boy who probably doesn't even remember you.

Or 2. move on and help someone who is also just trying to get home and also maybe get some closure.

So you curse your mother for rasing you so well and suck it up.

you - yea sure, i planned on leaving tomorrow at around 6 pm - sent at 10:02 am

Damn you and your common human decency.

he sus - oh okay great :) i only have one suitcase and a backpack btw so i wont take up alot of space or anything - recieved at 10:05 am

he sus - also i feel weird bc i dont know ur name or anything changbin literally just sent me the number and nothing else lol, also 6 sounds good should we meet at the main building then? -sent at 10:06 am

You're quite honestly not shocked that he seems nice over text because he was the same when you met on new years eve.

you - sure lets meet at the main building, my car is white and my name is y/n - sent at 10:09 am

Cringing as you press the send button because you are 99% certain he won't answer anymore; not that you'd care, obviously.

he sus - alright y/n see you tomorrow at 6 then :) - recieved at 10:14 am

You raise your brows when your phone lights up with his message, does he really not remember you?

Was he that drunk?

Well, it doesnt matter because you don't want to pay for all this gas alone and he seems to be the next best option to fix that.

So you shrug it off and get out off bed to run some last errands and start packing.

-

Your heart is beating unreasonably fast when you take a turn towards the main building at 5:55 pm the next day.

Calm down y/n it’ll just be 5 hours and who says you have to talk to him?

However you do know deep in your heart that you only wanted to arrive just a little early so you could complain about him being late.

That plan got cut short because your eyes fall on him as you pull up to the main building.

He’s- oh my god he’s blonde. You stop your car and he looks up at you.

“it is you!” hyunjin smiles at you when you step out of the car.

“who else would it be?” you ask, a little irritated at his reaction.

His face drops a bit when he sees you clearly annoyed by him, but the doesn’t blame you; he’d be mad too.

You open your trunk for him to put his weirdly small suitcase into, looking him up and down as he lifts it inside.

He’s wearing dark baggy pants and a windbreaker jacket, the top part of his chin-length blonde hair is pulled back into a messy ponytail.

He seemed to have bulked up as well, shoulders looking broader than what you remember.

The hair is different than the jet black hair that you remember on him, but it suits him very well; to be honest he would look good in any hair colour, not that you’d care though.

The first thirty minutes of the ride go by agonizingly slow and in complete silence.

When you drive onto the freeway you can’t take it anymore and mumble something among the lines of ‘wanna listen to some music?’.

You don’t wait for an answer, pressing the radio button right as you finish your sentence.

“uh, actually” hyunjin starts, his hand lifting to turn the radio back off, your eyes snap towards him, is he serious? Turning off your radio in your car?

“I wanted to address this situation” he says rather quietly.

You scoff “what? You realized that this is awkward just now?”

“no- I mean- yes I understand why you would think that but I just really want a chance to explain myself” he stutters.

“explain yourself” you repeat after him before mumbling “sure because there’s so much to explain”

“listen, I know you think I’m an asshole who just ghosted you b-“

“listen, I can handle rejection, you could’ve just said that you weren’t looking for something serious and I would’ve accepted that. The thing I’m mad about though is you literally making false promises and shit” 

Hyunjin blinks at you “can I please just explain to you what happened?”

You let out a long huff “sure” you wave your hand “go ahead”

“when you and your friends left at around 4, you wrote your number on my arm with your eyeliner, correct?” he asks.

Glancing over at him, you nod.

“after you where gone, I was already pretty drunk but then my friends decided to drag me with them to a different party that was still going” you see him fiddling with his hands in your peripheral “well I got super fucking shitfaced at that party and ended up puking on this one guys shoes”

You raise your eyebrows and hold back a laugh, which he notices.

“its okay you can laugh” he chuckles as well.

“anyways that guy was not very happy about it and busted my lip before kicking me and my friends out, so then back in the dorm my roommate sat me in the shower because I was full of alcohol, blood and puke”

“ew” you chime in.

“and when I woke up the next morning your number was gone” hyunjin looks over at you “we don’t have any mutual friends, I didn’t know what your major is so I couldn’t even asks for you in the administrating office, and then the covid lockdown happened and here we are”

“you called the administrating office?” you look over at him, he nods a little smile on his stupid pretty lips.

“yep, so, sorry to tell you but your eyeliner is not waterproof” he jokes at which you playfully knit your brows at him.

“believe me, I wanted to text you. I really wanted to take you out; and when you sent me your name yesterday I didn’t know if this was a lucky coincidence or if you’re a different y/n, that’s why I didn’t say anything” he explains.

You take a deep breath as you realize you have to apologize for going off on him just now, you believe him but you hate apologizing.

“well, I feel like an ass for going off on you like that after hearing all this” you chuckle “I’m sorry” you eye him shortly before looking back on the road.

“it’s okay, you don’t have to apologize I get how it looked, very much sus” he laughs with you.

-

Coming back to your car after you took a bathroom break on a highway rest-stop, you see hyunjin sitting in the drivers seat.

“what do you think you’re doing?” you smile as you sit down on the passenger seat.

“I thought maybe you’d like to sleep since its dark already and you’ve been driving for almost 3 hours” he suggests while putting on his seatbelt.

“well, I wont say no to that” you shrug and put your seatbelt on as well.

“so when did you go blonde?” you ask curiously.

“uh- around end of june” hyunjin chuckles “it was a dare if I’m being honest but I ended up liking it and got it redone”

“oh okay” you check out his profile once more and follow his hair with your eyes “I like it”

“yea?”

“yea, which is weird cause I’m usually not into blondes at all” you wonder.

“hm” he grins “must be me then” he says before winking at you.

“pfff, in your dreams” you rebuttal playfully, at which he laughs and mumbles a ‘true’.

You don’t react to it because you think your ears are playing tricks on you.

“hey I have a question too” hyunjin says.

“what’s up” you lean your arm against the window as you look over at him.

His face is slightly lit by the lights of the other cars, no seriously, how can a side profile be so perfect?

“why did you even agree to take me with you if you thought I ghosted you?” he grins.

You laugh “well, I’m a nice person and I know not a lot of people there are from seoul and my mom raised me right, okay?”

“okay okay” he giggles, the way his eyes crinkle when he does makes you smile everytime.

“or…did you have such a good time with me on new years that you just had to jump on this opportunity?” he quips, carefully stealing a peek at you.

“sure, why do you think I was so upset when you didn’t text” you feign sadness.

The both of you laugh before falling into comfortable silence.

When looking outside your window, you think back to said new years eve.

-(flashback)

“oh my god” you said, stepping into the big hall that usually is the universities gym. But whoever planned this outdid themselves.

A dj was placed on one of the tribunes and a whole buffet of drinks and punches on the other, as well as a big disco ball hanging from the ceiling, making the room shimmery and shiny.

You could see people coming out of the doors that connected into the universities hall on one side and into the locker rooms on the others, as if it wasn’t already packed.

“this is fucking insane” lia, your roommate from last semester, squeaked while grabbing your arm and jumping a little, her voice overpowering the blasting music..

“I wanna get fucking hammered tonight” you turned to her.

“oh babe don’t worry,  we didn’t come here to drink soda” she laughed before spotting some of your other friends.

About five minutes before midnight you and some more girls gathered at the buffet of drinks and started doing shots.

You all had decided that instead of kissing someone at 12 o’clock you’d ring in 2020 with a shot, because alcohol can’t cheat on you.

You were laughing at something when some people started the countdown.

10!

9!

8!

7!

6!

5!

4!

3!

2!

1!

“HAPPY NEW YEAR”

Every one shouted and celebrated in union as you downed your shot.

“happy new year babe” lia hugged you after downing hers.

“happy new year!” you shouted into her ear, full of relief that this stressful year was over.

“lets do another one” she grinned widely after your whole friend group had shared their wishes with each other.

A girl you didn’t know very well handed you another shot, just as you emptied your glass you heard a guy yell something before stumbling into your back.

“jesus” you stumbled forward a bit before turning around, ready to throw someone a dirty look.

“I’m so sorry, are you okay?” in front of you suddenly stood a tall dark haired young man with almost too perfect facial features, frowning a little out of concern.

“nothing happened” you smiled, taking a step towards him so he’d hear you better.

“I’m glad” he replied, a grin slowly stretched across his handsome face

“I’m y/n” you giggled as you held out your hand.

His eyes crinkled with his smile as he took your hand in his “I’m hyunjin” he said before pressing a kiss to the back of your hand.

“okay guys let her have her fun lets go over there” you hear lia usher your friends away from behind you.

“happy new year y/n” he said before instinctively pulling you a little closer to him when a group of people passed behind you.

“happy new year hyunjin” you replied, a slow blush creeping on your face from how intensely he was taking in your appearance.

“well yea happy fucking new years to me for running into you” he joked before taking a sip, your brain wasn’t able to function anymore so you just giggled and nervously pushed your hair behind your ear.

It had been way too long since you’d talked to a guy, especially someone as attractive as him

“you’re fucking stunning” hyunjin complimented you and lifted your hand with his to make you spin for him, to which you complied because you took a long time getting ready and always appreciate being appreciated.

“thank you” you were crimson red by now but hoped he wouldn’t see because of the dimmed lights.

“how come I’ve never seen you around? I would’ve remembered you” he tilted his head.

“oh this was my first year here and I live on the other side of campus so…” you nodded slowly “but yea I would’ve remembered you too”

He grinned before downing his drink and putting on the table next to the both of you.

“wanna dance?”

That’s how you found yourself on the dance floor with hyunjin pressed against your back.

Slowly but surely the alcohol made you braver; and it didn’t take long for the dj to play perfect songs to grind yourself against his toned body to.

His reaction was instant, hands gripping even harder at your waist and his own movements matching your own.

You looked back at him just to have the air knocked out of your lungs, a barely there sheen of sweat was covering his forehead; his pupils were dilated and his lips were slightly parted before his tongue swiftly swept over his lower lip.

He looked like sex on legs and moved like it too.

His plump lips formed into a grin when he noticed you staring, you didn’t know if it was the alcohol running through your system but you so desperately wanted to kiss him.

“can’t stop looking at you either, pretty” he lowered his head to mumble against your cheek before pressing a kiss there.

“you’re so goddamn sexy” you blurted out as you turned around to face him, running one of your hands through his dark hair before positioning them on his firm chest.

He threw back his head as his chest vibrated with laughter.

“don’t laugh at me” you laughed as you locked eyes again.

“you’re cute when you’re drunk” hyunjin brought one hand to your face to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.

“you dont even know me sober” you giggle “also i’m not drunk!” you protested playfully, his hands found your waist in the meantime to pull you flush to his body; at which you gasped almost inaudibly.

“oh really?” he looked down at you, clearly amused “didn’t you drink like 5 shots half an hour ago?”

“well well well, I didn’t know I had an audience” you countered, looping your arms around his neck.

Hyunjin prodded at the inside of his cheek with his tongue before looking away for a swift second, slightly embarrassed because he just exposed himself.

You felt yourself gush a little when he licked his lips again after bringing his gaze back to you.

“so you almost knocked me over on purpose?” you grinned even bigger when he shook his head laughingly.

“listen” he chuckled, leaning down unnecessarily close because you could hear him perfectly fine but you weren’t going to complain.

“I actually didn’t run into you on purpose, that was my friends doing after he saw me notice you” he said.

You mouthed an ‘ahh’ while nodding, feigning disbelief.

“I’m serious” hyunjin laughed “I still have to thank him later; I would’ve probably chickened out”

He got quieter at the end of his sentence, his eyes jumping to your lips when you wet your lower lip with your tongue quickly.

“i-m glad he pushed you then” you replied, trying to hide the fact that your heart was pumping your blood in record time.

“yea” he inched his face closer to yours as you tilted your chin up to meet him in the middle “me too”

His eyes switched from your lips to your eyes one more time before closing the gap between the both of you.

His lips were firm but soft at the same time in the way they moulded against yours, you swore you could hear lia squealing from somewhere but maybe you were just hearing things.

But when his tongue touched yours in the most tentative way you lost contact to what was going on around you, slinging your arms tighter around his neck and deepening the kiss.

A tiny groan escaped hyunjins throat when you carded your fingers through his hair to tug on it and release some of the adrenalin that rushed through you.

He was slow and explorative and let you take control from time to time before sucking on your lower lip and making you loose it.

You didn’t know how many songs had passed; to be honest you didn’t even remember what song was playing when you started kissing.

All you knew in that moment was hyunjins lightly flushed cheeks, swollen lips and dark glistening eyes.

“let’s go somewhere else?” he questioned in a whisper when you bit your lip, nodding at his question.

He grabbed your hand in his before manoeuvring the both of you through the dancing and celebrating crowd.

Before you knew it, hyunjin pulled you into the entrance hall of the university where multiple people had the same idea as you.

Couples scattered across the big room, some just talking, most of them however making out heavily.

“come on” he softly tugged at your hand, smiling when your gaze falls on him.

He lead you up the big flight of stairs onto a floor of the building you’ve never been to, stopping in front of a random room before pulling a small set of keys out of his back pocket.

After unlocking the door, he opened it to let you step inside.

It was a dance studio, the wall right across from you was just one huge mirror through which you could see the big couch in the back of the room and the water dispensers next to it.

“why do you have the keys for this room?” you asked, giggling.

Hyunjin grinned as he closed the door “I’m a dance major, we all have keys for the practice rooms”

“that’s so cool” you beamed “I wish I could dance” you looked around the room, walking towards the mirrored wall a little bit.

“you were moving just fine earlier” hyunjin came up behind you, nimble hands finding your waist as he looked you up and down through the mirror intensely, now that you were under the bright lights of the room.

You couldn’t help but to smile a little at that, the tight little glitter dress that you had chosen really did accentuate your curves in the best way possible, paired with the cute black heels which made your legs look way longer than they actually are.

“but that was like club sexy dancing, you know?” you elaborated.

“hm” he hummed amusedly “whats wrong with sexy club dancing?” you turned around to him.

He didn’t look to shabby himself, all in black, a chic button up with some jeans and a belt; accessorized with rings on his pretty fingers, a  dainty silver necklace and some small earrings.

Some might say he was underdressed, but the way he carried himself with such confidence, and that face of his must for sure be a panty dropper, you thought.

“nothing but… I don’t know, teach me something” you pleaded.

“what do you want me to teach you?” he laughed.

“I don’t know a pirouette or something” you suggested, laughing as well.

“okay” he grinned “this is like the base stance” he positioned himself correctly before looking at you to see if you were following his instructions.

“mhm” you hummed, replicating what he was doing.

“and then you get momentum with one leg to be able to swing yourself around, like this” hyunjin explained before executing a perfect pirouette and ending it back in the base stance.

“that was fast” you chuckled.

“your turn” he grins before moving behind you “try to keep your eyes on yourself in the mirror otherwise you’ll loose balance”

“okay” you said unsurely.

“I’ll catch you if you fall” he winked at you, at which you scoff playfully before carefully swinging yourself into a pirouette.

You landed on wobbly legs but before you could tip over hyunjin stabilized you with a firm grip on your hips.

“you’re a natural” he grinned at you through the mirror.

“well thank you” you playfully feigned cockiness before he spun you around himself.

A few seconds pass of the both of you taking in each others features in silence, the only thing you could hear was the faint music of the party downstairs, before hyunjin spoke up.

“can I kiss you?”

You fell into giggles again as you let your forehead rest against his collarbone before looking up again “we’ve kissed before”

“yea but that was like a moment and I don’t want to catch you off guard or anything” he mumbles cutely.

“mm” you nod “ you can kiss me”

And with a smile, he does.

You weren’t surprised when his first gentle ministrations turned into more desperate ones rather quickly because you could feel the warmth spread in your lower regions as well.

He walked the both of you over to the couch, only parting from your lips when he sat down on the black leather material of the couch.

“come here, pretty girl” he took your hand to help you straddle him, your dress riding up but you couldn’t care less if he saw your safety shorts, and he didn’t seem to care either by the way he feverishly connected your lips again.

His hands travelled down to squeeze at your waist before smoothing over your ass and grabbing a handful of each cheek, you moaned into the kiss when you realized how big his hands were.

Your own hands were squeezing at his shoulders before one moved into his soft hair while the other softly rested on his cheek.

The kiss was messy and desperate, teeth clinking together and tongues licking at each other.

The things that riled you up the most however were his groans and praises.

“you’re so fucking sexy” he groaned before moving down to kiss at your jaw and down your neck.

A needy whimper escaped from your throat when he started suckling the sensitive skin at the base of your throat.

“fuck-hyunjin” you moaned when his teeth grazed over your clavicle.

Your hands fumbled before landing on his belt, at which he pulled away from your skin, gently taking your hands off of his belt.

“I’d love to take you out first, actually” his pretty kiss swollen lips twitched up into a shy smile as he pants.

“oh” you were taken aback, you were almost certain that this was something regular for him “I thought-“

“I mean if you just want to fuck we can fuck of course” he chuckled “but- I actually think you’re really cute and fun and I’d love to get to know you better”

Your mouth stood a little agape “uh- I mean-I” you stuttered, your brain not functioning properly because of the alcohol running through your veins but also him!

“its okay if you just want, you know-“

“no!” you blurted out all over sudden, making him flinch a little “sorry, uhm- its just been a while since I had a date” you smile apologetically.

His expression visibly brightens “that’s okay” he giggled “so is that a yes?”

You grinned, leaning in to just barely brush your lips with his, his head twitching upwards in an attempt to connect them fully.

“yes” you whispered, at which he smiled brightly before pulling your in for a kiss by your neck.

-(flashback end)

“y/n”

“hey, y/n” you grumble when you feel someone gently rocking your shulder.

“mmm-what?” you peek your eyes open just to see hyunjin smile at you.

“good morning sunshine” he teases as you sit up in your seat when you realize you aren’t driving anymore.

“just kidding its not morning” he says as you look around your car, realizing your on a parking lot.

“where the fuck are we?” you whip your head towards him “did you bring me here to kill me? kidnap me?”

“wha?- no” he laughs “no, I’m sorry. Right after you fell asleep there was this huge traffic jam because of an accident and we stood there for almost 3 hours so I drove off and found this” he points out the rear window, where you see a small motel building.

You look back at him before checking the time on your phone, seeing it was indeed almost midnight.

“fuck” you swear to yourself.

“I didn’t know if you wanted to keep driving because I was getting tired so I thought maybe-“ hyunjin starts rambling guiltily, not wanting you to thing that this was an attempt to get in your pants.

“hey” you put your hand on his shoulder after taking off your seatbelt “this is good, you made the right decision I think we both could use some sleep” you say.

You each take your suitcases and walk inside, it’s an old building but it looks pretty clean for a motel off of the highway.

“good evening you two” an old lady sits behind the, probably just as old, reception.

“good evening, could we get 2 single rooms, please” hyunjin speaks up politely.

“I’m afraid we only have 2 double bed rooms available, if you’d like to take them, they will however be more expensive than the rooms for one” she explains politely.

“its okay, we’ll take one of those, please” you decide, hyunjins head snapping towards you.

“is that okay?” you ask him.

“yea- sure” he nods.

“alright, room 301 it is” she hands you the key before stating that you’ll have to checkout before 12 pm and what the room costs.

“do you accept card?” hyunjin asks at which the friendly old lady nods before taking his card and swiping it through her little machine.

“I’ll venmo you half of what you paid” you say after unlocking room 301.

He tsk’s at you before shaking his head “don’t, it was my idea so I’ll pay”

“are you sure?” you ask closing the door behind you when he turns on the lights.

“yup-oh” he exclaims.

“this room is cute” you say, it’s small but the walls are a soft sunflower yellow, decorated with paintings of autumn leaves .

The bed looks clean, and when you smell the mouse gray blankets and pillows, they smell fresh as well.

“stop smelling the pillows” hyunjin laughs.

“I’ve never been to a motel, I thought everything would be dirty or ancient” you confess comically.

He chuckles as he comes out of the small bathroom “the bathroom is clean too, don’t worry” he says when you look at him expectantly.

“I’ll sleep on the floor if you want” he offers as you open your suitcase to get out your toothbrush and pj’s.

“it’s fine, hyunjin I’ve slept in the same bed as a male before” you joke.

“well how am I supposed to know that?” he counters, at which you throw your pj shorts at him out of reflex.

When you realize what you had done it was too late, he was already holding them out in front of him before giggling.

“very cute choice” he mocks the small white shorts with red hearts all over it.

“stoop” you whine, trying to fish it out of his hands but he holds them over his head like a kindergartener.

“I remember why I don’t like you” you pout, crossing your arms.

His face drops alongside with his arms “I thought we were past that”

You use his moment of weakness to snatch your shorts out of his hands “gotcha”

-

“see I told you I was gonna take you out” hyunjin beams at you before looking down at the various snacks he took from the motels vending machine, which were laying in between the both of you on the bed.

“and so luxurious too” you joke, crossing your legs.

“only the best for you” he grins when you open a pack of fruit jellies.

“you know, I was thinking about new years” you say “ and I realized that it was your fault!”

Hyunjin throws his head back as he groans playfully “why?”

“if you hadn’t lost your phone when we got back downstairs, I wouldn’t have had to write my number on your arm; or you could’ve just given me your number and I could’ve text you. But you didn’t even know your own number!” you laugh in reminiscence.

“listen” he laughs “I was drunk and you’re hot! I couldn’t think” he defends himself before taking a bite off a chocolate bar.

You blush a little but play it off with a laugh.

“but yes, I admit, it was indeed my fault” he dramatically holds his hand in front of his eyes.

“yeeees!” you exclaim victoriously.

“I’m kidding though” you pat his knee “I forgive you”

“I’m glad” he smiles.

After the both of you are done eating way too many sweets, you find yourself being really comfortable when talking to hyunjin.

He’s funny, doesn’t seem like he’s full of himself and just in general seems like a very kind person.

“I thought you were a fuckboy when me met” you confess, looking at him.

Propped on one elbow looking down at you, while you lay on your side towards him, his face illuminated only by the little lights on each of your nightstands.

“you did?” he asks confusedly.

“yea” you chuckle “you were so confident and…sexy I don’t know” you place your hand over your face in embarrassment.

“oh that was the liquid courage talking, I’m usually pretty shy” he shakes his head smilingly when you peek through your fingers.

“don’t lie” you push his shoulder softly.

“I’m serious!” he laughs.

“you were the first guy to approach me at a party” you pause “like ever”

“no way, you’re lying now” he furrows his brows.

“nope” you shake your head.

“but I was really close to not talking to you as well, I’m sure there were many guys before me that just didn’t have the liquid courage, like I did” he speculates.

“maybe” you say.

“have any exes?” he asks after a few seconds.

“yea, one”

“well how did you meet him?”

“he showed me around on my first day of freshman year, I transferred like in the middle of the first semester so I wasn’t with any other freshmen” you tell him.

“why’d you break up if I may ask?” hyunjin asks carefully.

“oh we were only together for like three weeks, you can’t even call I relationship. He used me to make his hot ex jealous and cheated on me with her” you say “but hey they’re back together at least” you scoff.

“i’m sorry” he mumbles at which you look up at him.

“it’s not your fault” you chuckle.

“well, still no one should feel that way” he says “you know that you were way too good for him right?”

You nod.

“what about you? Have any exes?” you ask back.

He snickers “only one in seoul”

“why didn’t you last?”

“it was a long distance situation, she was super jealous and couldn’t trust me. which I can understand to a certain degree but everytime I went out she wanted me to facetime her and show her what kinds of people were there with me. That was just too much” he explains.

“wow” you chuckle “that doesn’t sound fun either”

Hyunjin shakes his head “nope, but hey we got rid of ‘em, didn’t we?”

“yea” you giggle “plus if I hadn’t broken up with him I would’ve probably never gone to the new years eve party”

“I guess I owe him something then” he grins as you scooch up on the bed.

“can I kiss you?” you ask after a few seconds of silence.

“hm?” hyunjins eyes almost spring out of his head.

“I don’t want to catch you off guard” you grin as you repeat his words from the night you met, sitting up.

He licks his lower lip as a grin stretches over his face as he sits up as well “do your worst”

You get up on your knees to shuffle over to him, when you get close enough hyunjin grabs one of your thighs and lifts it over his legs so you’re straddling him.

Once you sit down on his lap, your eyes lock again and you’re once again baffled as to how someone can be so god damn attractive.

His eyes flicker from your eyes to your lips expectantly, a shaky breath leaving his lips when you lean in.

Your lips connect and it feels like all the pent up energy of liking him since that night finally gets set free, sparks glowing behind your lit and his hands leaving a trail of fire where ever they go.

They squeeze at your thighs and waist, pulling you impossibly close to himself.

A whimper tears from your throat when his tongue licks at yours, he tastes like chocolate and what could only be described as him.

He moans into the kiss when you tug at the blonde locks that weren’t pulled back into the ponytail; before pulling the hair tie out of his hair to free it and finally card your fingers through all of the blonde glory.

Before you realize what’s going on, hyunjin lifts the both of you before dropping you on your back and crawling above you.

The fact that he just lifted the both of you from a sitting position as if you weigh nothing makes you feel all types of hot.

“you’re so hot holy shit” you pant as you push his long hair out of his face.

“ditto” he only grins before attaching his lips to your exposed collarbone and sucking a bruise into the skin.

“take it off” you moan as you tug on the dark blue calvin klein shirt he’s wearing.

His lips release the skin of your collarbone before sitting up to pull the shirt over his head.

If your mouth wasn’t already open from your heavy breathing, you would’ve opened it now because his body is more sculpted and toned than you had expected.

Your hand lifts to smooth over his abs, muscles flexing as he connects your lips again.

His one hand slides from your waist up to cup one of your breasts, gently palming the soft flesh.

“I know I said I wanted to take you out first but-“ he mumbles against your lips.

“you bought me a lovely dinner” you interrupt him, threading your fingers through the hair that’s falling down into his vision.

He grins, dropping a short peck to your lips before his the grin gets wiped off his face “I don’t have a condom with me”

“I’m on the pill” you let him know “I got tested before the lockdown and I haven’t been with anyone since soo…”

“yea, me too, I was tested a few months ago” he nods.

You nod back, biting your lip as you absently play with his hair.

“do you trust me?” hyunjin asks, observing your demeanour.

“yea- yea I do I’m just nervous” you smile awkwardly.

“no” he coos before kissing you “why are you nervous?”

“just haven’t been with anyone for a while” you confess.

Hyunjin nods understandingly “if you don’t want to do this we’ll stop”

“no I really want to” you look into his eyes as confidently as you can.

“okay” he smiles, planting his lips on yours again.

“can i?” his voice gives you goosebumps when he mumbles against the sensitive skin under your ear, his fingers slowy undoing the loose knot of your heart shorts.

“yes” you say when he locks eyes with you.

“I love these shorts” he softly presses a kiss to your knee, trying to calm your nerves a little, before he gently rocks your hips to pull them off of you.

You blush a little out of embarrassment but smile when you lift your hips to help him.

“cute” he whispers when he see’s your panties have a little bow on the front.

He chuckles when you hide your face in embarrassment, pulling you closer to him again by your thighs before you let him kiss you again.

“can I take this off too?” hyunjin whispers, softly pulling at the fabric of the tank top you’re wearing, at which you nod.

You are still wearing a bra when he pulls it off so you take it into your own hands and unclasp your bra.

Your nipples stiffen a little at the sudden exposure to air, as well as to hyunjin’s admiring gaze.

“fuck” he muses when palming your breasts in his big hands, gently pushing them together an running his thumbs over your nipples.

A whimper involuntarily leaves your lips when he wraps his plump lips around one of the perked up nubs and sucks gently.

“so fucking pretty, princess” you feel yourself pathetically clench around nothing at his praise.

You feel one of his hands wander downwards to provide some friction for you, he slots his lips against yours when you tentatively roll your hips against his hand.

Hyunjin feels his cock get even harder when an almost desperate moan tumbles from your lips against his. So he ads a little more pressure and starts circling your clit with two fingers, your sighs of pleasure mixing into the kiss.

“you’re so sensitive baby” he whispers as he parts his lips from yours “can I go down on you?” he grazes his lips over your chest, looking up at you seductively.

You nod as you bite your lip, hyunjin placing a few kisses on your tummy before shortly sitting up to also free you from your soaked panties.

The first stripe he licks up your slit, and how he swirls the tip of his tongue around your clit expertly sends you to heaven.

His hands are gripping your thighs to prevent you from closing your legs, your hands are tangled in his hair and the sheets.

“hyunj-fuck” you cry out when his tongue enters you.

He carefully prods one finger at your entrance “is that okay?” he asks, his voice hoarse and dripping with lust.

“yea” you sigh.

Once you adjust to one finger, he adds a second one, curling them upwards to search for that specific patch inside of you.

“yes-fuck right there” you moan when his fingers press onto the sweetest spot inside of you, tugging at his hair a little harshly. But you feel him moan against you, getting lost in your taste as he sucks your clit in between his soft lips.

Your hips buckle against his mouth as your eyes roll backwards, feeling the warmth of your orgasm approach rapidly.

“fuck fuck yes-hyunjin” you cry out just before he tipped you over the edge with his skillful ministration, your orgasm rushing up your spine and into your head, endorphins spreading everywhere.

A cry of pleasure fills the room as your thighs starts trembling with the aftershocks, clamping around his head when he drives you into overstimulation.

“oh-shit-“ you pant as you softly pushed on his forehead to get him away from your clit, his fingers still inside you, guiding you through your high.

He nibbles on your inner thigh apologetically. You can still hear your heartbeat in your ears after hyunjin removes his fingers from you and sits up, gently holding your legs together to help you calm down.

“fuck” you mewl, a soft smile tugging at his lips.

He’s wanted to do this for so long and there you are, with all of your naked glory in front of him.

While he’s daydreaming about you, you sit up and start fiddling with his sweatpants.

“you want more?” he quips, once he realises what you’re doing, leaning in to kiss you.

“mhm” you humm into the kiss affirmitavely when his hand holds you close to him by your jaw.

With a quick last peck to your lips he simultaneously shimmies the soft black sweats and his boxers off of himself.

You apparently visibly gulp at the sight of his cock because hyunjin smirks cockily “like what you see?” as he crawls above you again, his lips finding yours again and not waiting for an answer.

“I don’t know if you’ll fit” you mumble when he suckles at the soft nook of skin under your ear.

“we can stop here” he offers softly before locking eyes again.

You shake your head as you reach down to fist his length, slowly pumping it and smearing the few drops of precum around.

“no, you’re just really big” you huff with a shy smile on your lips at which hyunjin groans.

“you’re gonna be the death of me, you know?” he mutters against your lips before kissing you deeply, his hand smoothing over the slope of your waist before coming up to gently pinch at one of your nipples.

Eliciting a soft high pitched moan from you, this only spurs him on.

Rolling his tongue against yours desperately and making you taste yourself before sinfully sucking at the wet muscle.

All the while you’re stroking him with your small hand before cupping his balls, as if he didn’t already feel like he’s gonna blow his load way too early.

“please” you whine, guiding his reddened tip towards your entrance.

Hyunjin releases a shaky breath before replacing your hand with his, rutting his hips against yours a few times, coating his length in your wetness.

This already had your toes curling, suppressing a whine as you lock your legs around his waist.

“tell me if it hurts, yea?” he breathes, only pressing inside you after you nod, dropping a kiss to your swollen lips.

“fuck” he swears softly, tucking his face in the crook of your neck when he breaches your tight walls for the first time.

Your fingers tighten in his hair at the back of his neck when a subtle sting flares up inside of you.

“ah-“ your body flinches a little when he presses further inside, hyunjin notices, observing your expression before kissing your cheek and sitting up slowly.

“you’re doing so good, baby” he lifts his thumb to his lips, swiftly kitten-licking the digit before bringing it to where your bodies join.

Gently rolling your clit under his thumb to distract you from the pain.

“you look so perfect like this” his other hand travels over your stomach to gently squeeze at your breasts “all spread out for me”

You whimper, arching your back when hyunjin thrusts into you carefully; the pain slowly subsiding and the ache to be fully filled up by him growing exponentially when his cock rubs against your g spot.

“hyunjin” you moan, gripping onto his hand, which is resting atop your breast.

“yes baby, I’m here” he groans at how tight you feel once he’s balls deep inside of you, abandoning your clit to grab you by the hips for leverage.

His other hand resting on your cheek now, after a few trusts you moan “harder, please”

Hyunjin groans and fulfils your wish, at one particularly harsh thrust, you latch your lips around his pointer and middle finger, sucking at them.

“oh my god-that’s so fucking hot” he grunts through clenched teeth.

His cock dragging along your walls deliciously, filling you up to the brim as you hum around his slender fingers in pleasure.

“you like my hands that much baby?” his jaw is clenched and the grip on your waist is rough , the contrast to how sweet he was just a few minutes earlier had you clench around him furiously.

“fuck-“ he breathes when you nod to the best of your abilities, eyes wide open and holding his gaze.

You only release his fingers from in between your lips in favour for a loud high pitched moan when his other hand finds your clit again, rubbing harsh circles into the bud.

“-gonna cum-huynjin” you dig your nails into his biceps, eyes squeezing shut.

“yea?” he grits through his teeth the fingers that were previously trapped in your mouth now wrapping around your bared throat.

Not squeezing tightly, just resting there as if to show you that you’re his now.

Your thought gets confirmed when he rasps “you’re gonna date me after this, right pretty girl?”

You do look so pretty right now, tits bouncing and skin slapping because of the fast rhythm that he’s snapping his hips into yours, not to mention the subtle sheen of sweat that’s coating the both of you.

A desperate breathy chuckle tumbles from your lips “ yes-yes fuck” you feel your second orgasm creeping up on you.

“cum for me princess, all over my cock” he urges you on, his tip hammering into the sweet spot inside of you repeatedly before you crash into your second high of the night.

Your body convulses in pleasure as you call out his name mixed with profanities, your toes curling so hard you’re not sure if you can ever uncurl them again, and your nails probably leaving painful indents in his skin.

His thumb on your clit slows down until you grab his hand for him to stop, his hand around your neck grabs your free one, holding both of your hands over your head now.

“so good, baby” he mumbles, kissing your lips; mostly just breathing into each other as he rocks you through every wave of your orgasm.

Hyunjin looses himself in you not long after with a guttural moan and his eyes squeezing shut.

You coax him through it when he rests his face against your neck again, running your fingertips through his damp hair and over his broad back, muscles tensing under your gentle touch.

i“don’t fall asleep on me” you whisper sneakily, grinning when he chuckles against your neck, tickling the soft skin there.

He props himself up again to scan over your features, pushing some hair out of your face before kissing you tenderly.

“you okay?” his hand resting at your temple as he gently runs his thumb over your hairline.

“more than” you assure him, cupping his cheeks to pull his lips onto yours again.You think you can never get enough of his lips, anything about him for that matter; not when he makes you feel so cared about and safe.

“so does this mean we’re dating now?” he whispers after he has cleaned you up and tucked the both of you in bed.

“hmh” you nod your head sleepily, positioned on his bare chest.

“so I can spoon you once we fall asleep?” he asks, grin evident in his voice.

“you can spoon me but you can’t wake me up in the middle of the night if you get horny” you mumble jokingly, enjoying his fingers running down your spine as your eyelids get heavier.

“okay” he giggles softly, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head before you whisper your good nights to each other.

And as promised, he doesn’t wake you up in the middle of the night because he’s horny.

It’s you who wakes him, because after 10 months of wasted time, you have a lot of catching up to do.

-

a/n: oml this is my first ever long fic so pls pls pls give me feedback, i had so much fun writing his even though it made me feel even more single but hey :))))

allsooo i waited til after work to publish this and i just saw i hit 500 followers?!?!?! thats crazy to me omg i started this like 2 months ago and so many ppl liked my stuff so much that they decided to follow me?? so i just wanna say thank u thank u thank u for hitting the follow button even though im very unorganized and everything i do is spontaneaous and not thought out well. but hey i guess there is a reason that u followed me so thank u!

(i’d love if u sent me an ask with the first one of my writings that u stumbled across, and how <3 ...only if u want tho no pressure) 

anyways thank u so much for reading if you’ve made it this far! i hope you have a great day/ night! much love

-aj

(this is a work of fiction and does not represent the real actions of stray kids or hwang hyunjin)

[fan-imagines]

Billy Hargrove~Roofied

Billy x FemReader

Synopsis - You and Billy get into an argument on the way to a party. At the party, you go your separate ways, only reuniting when you are drugged by a classmate. 

Word Count - 4.1k+

**Warnings** drugging, mentions of sexual assault, violence, underage drinking

- Requested By - @peakascum​

A.N. So sorry this request took so long. Also sorry about how long it’s been since i posted. I have an insane amount of school and work full time, so i hardly have time to write. I appreciate the constant support people have shown to this page. It means a lot :)

p.s. i hope i did your request justice @peakascum​ 

p.s.s. in the gif, just focus on him gripping the steering wheel lol

‘’Do we really have to talk about this now? Come on, Y/n.’’ Billy and I are on our way to another one of Tommy’s parties. I don’t even want to go, but Billy had originally wanted me to, and had already told half the school that we would both be there. Now I’m obligated to show up. I just asked Billy about something that had happened at the last night at the party we were at.  

I take a sip of my drink as I walk throughout the party. I lost Billy a few minutes ago, as I went to refill my cup. I make it to the main hot spot of the party, which is the backyard. I appreciate the breath of fresh air I inhale as I continue to walk. I finally spot Billy, standing near the pool, with only his jeans on. His shirt is nowhere to be seen. There is some random girl next to him, holding his arm, which makes me feel warm, as anger fills me, which is most likely the booze in my system.  

I begin to make my way over to him, but I stop myself so I can see how he reacts. She whispers something to him, and he laughs. He nods as she walks away from him, and I think that maybe she is done hanging on him, but she pulls of her shirt and jumps into the pool. She comes back up and motions for Billy to join her. I hold my breath, praying he doesn’t oblige, but her does. I down the rest of my drink. Now I make my way towards him.  

‘’Billy!’’ I shout. He looks up at me, and pulls himself out of the pool.  

‘’What, Y/n? You’re always nagging.’’

‘’I wouldn’t have to nag if you didn’t let bimbos hang out you like flies to sh*t.’’

‘’Whatever.’’ He walks away from me, and I let him, not really wanting to hash this out, as I am now suddenly aware of the amount of people around me. I avoid him the rest of the night, and ride home with Nancy.

That was all yesterday; there was a party on Friday. Today is supposed to be an even bigger party because today is Saturday, and that’s how it goes here in Hawkins. I haven’t talked to Billy since this all happened yesterday, but I wanted to bring it up now. Mostly because I was drunk, and I shouldn’t have gotten so worked up.

‘’Why can’t we do this now? We haven’t talked since last night.’’

‘’Yeah, and I wonder what that reason is.’’

‘’Hey, this is not only my fault. You know how it makes me feel when there are always girls all over you, Billy. I’ve told you many times before.’’

‘’Yeah, yeah, I know. I just don’t understand why you get so upset over that. I didn’t do anything with those girls. You were right there, and you saw me do nothing, right? Okay, then.’’ He grips the steering wheel harder, trying to stay calm.^^^ I noticed he did this a lot when we first started dating, and he would have to deal with his dad more often than now.  

‘’You have no right to say that to me, knowing how you are. You practically put any guy that comes near me in a coffin.’’

‘’That’s because I know these guys’ intentions.’’ He says, quickly turning to look at me, before continuing back at the road. He is driving faster now, but not too fast to make me nervous. We’re only a few minutes from the party now, and I anxiously await it's come to so I can take a breather. And get a drink.  

‘’And I know these girls’ intentions. Come on, Billy. I’m not stupid.’’

‘’You are if you think that I would do anything with these girls.’’

‘’Well, you don’t make it seem that you don’t.’’ I say and put my head down.

‘’Come on, Y/n. Don’t actually be stupid.’’

‘’How would I know, huh, Billy?’’

‘’God, maybe if I did go with them, they wouldn’t bother me so much. You never give it a rest. I never get any peace with you Y/n.’’ My face falls, and I don’t even feel like arguing anymore. I look over to Billy, but his face doesn’t falter. He just continues to grip the steering wheel until we make it to the party. We pull up and he quickly pulls up next to the yard to park the Camaro.  

‘’I’m, uhm, gonna go find Nancy and Steve.’’ I say in a quiet voice.

‘’Of course, you are.’’ He gets out of the car, and slams the door harder than I was expecting, which makes me flinch from the sound. I feel like crying from the words he said to me, but I ignore the feeling of tears swelling in my eyes, and get out of the car.  

I make my way into the house, needing to find a drink. I quickly find one of the many kegs, and fill my solo with the liquid. I down the whole cup, and fill it again before walking away to find Nancy and Steve.  

I walk around, not seeing anyone I know well enough to talk to. Across the room, I see Nancy standing the corner, slightly swaying to the music blasting throughout the house. I go over to her, getting run into and hit on the way over, but I sigh with relief once I am standing in front of her and she is smiling at me.  

‘’Hey, Y/n!’’ She says to me, in a very cheery voice.

‘’Hi, Nance.’’ I say, trying to mask my sadness, but I don’t do too good of a job, cause her face immediately scrunches in confusion.

‘’Wait, Y/n, what’s wrong?’’ She grabs my arm in endearment.

‘’I just got into it with Billy right before coming here. I'll be fine. I just want to drink, and forget about it for now.’’

‘’Oh, okay. I’m sorry.’’  

‘’It’s alright. Where’s Steve?’’ I ask, needing to change the subject from me.  

‘’He went to go get us both drinks.’’ As she finishes her sentence, Steve is handing her cup of whatever drink he found. ‘’Speak of the devil.’’

‘'Hey, Y/n.’’ Steve smiles to me. He wraps his arm around Nancy’s shoulder, and pulls her close.  

‘’Hi, Steve.’’

‘’I assume Billy is doing a keg-stand somewhere?’’ He chuckles. I shrug, and lightly smile.

‘’Knowing him, probably.’’ I see Nancy nudge him in the side, signaling for him to shut up about Billy. He looks visibly confused, but doesn’t question it.  

We talk a little more, about the exam we have on Monday in Mr. Lazinski’s class, and about how last night’s party was insane because of the pool jumping that happened at the end.  

‘’Yeah, so I ended up being pushed in by Steve, but I grabbed his arm so he fell in with me.’’ Nancy laughs as she tells me. I laugh too, being able to picture the look on both of their faces as they fell into the water. I go to respond, but I am stopped by Nancy’s squeal. ‘’I love this song.’’ It’s Super Freak by Rick James.

‘’Come on, dance with me.’’ Steve pulls her away, and I smile as I watch them go away. My smile slowly falters as I think back to my situation with Billy. Does he not want to be with me? That can’t be true. He said I bother him, so maybe he would be okay if we weren’t together anymore. I’m pulled out of my thoughts when someone taps my shoulder. I turn and see one of my friends from my physics class, Johnny.  

‘’Hi, Johnny. How’s it going?’’

‘’Going good. Sorry I tapped you. I called your name, but I guess you didn’t hear me. How come you aren’t with Billy?’’ I sigh, once again thinking about Billy.

‘’He, uhm, he went to go find Tommy and Carol. Probably to commend them on the party.’’ I don’t know him well enough to spill out all my problems.  

‘’Oh, okay. Do you want a refill?’’ He asks me, gesturing to my semi-empty cup. I nod to him.

‘’Yeah, sure. That would be nice. Thank you.’’ I smile to him and hand him my cup. He takes my cup from me and walks away. He’s back in a few seconds with a drink that’s different than what I had the first time. Instead of the color being red, it’s now a dark purple, and it’s fizzing a little. Hmm, maybe they had to make more. I thank Johnny for the drink and take a sip. It's gross, so it’s probably a lot stronger. There’s also not as much, so I assume it’s supposed to be taken like a shot. I came for the free booze anyway, so down the hatch. I quickly down it, and I see Johnny smile. I assume it’s because I took it like a champ. He walks away from me, but I feel too buzzed to even care. I look around the party and see Steve and Nancy still dancing.

~~~~

A few minutes pass by, and I feel worse and worse. My head is spinning and feels like it's being pounded into, my throat is on fire, and my limbs feel like they’re going numb. Like I could fall at any second. My mind starts to feel hazy, and I can’t think about anything. I feel woozy, not tired, just very out of it. There’s no way that drink was that strong, or took affect that quickly for me to feel like this. There is a hand on my waist, and I sigh, assuming it’s Billy, regardless of how we left off. I turn to the face, but I am met with Johnny’s instead.  

He wraps his arm around my waist, and begins to pull me away. My mind screams for me to stay put, suddenly feeling very scared, but my body follows involuntarily. I have almost no control.

‘’Where’s Billy? I wantt to go home, nowww.’’ I slur as Johnny helps me up the stairs, but more like drags me up them.  

‘’Shh, shh, shh.’’ He hushes me, and opens the door to one of the various rooms in this house. He leads me to a bed, and sits me down. I fall, laying on the bed now, as my body seems too tired to even stay sitting straight. I feel so tired, but I don’t want sleep. I want Billy.  

I feel hazy, and not in control of any aspect of my body or my movements. I can feel my shirt being taken off, but I'm not doing it.  

‘’Bil-Billy.’’ I whisper incoherently.  

‘’Shh, shh, shh. Don’t worry. He shouldn’t disturb us.’’

~~Nancy’s POV~~

‘’Hey, wait, Steve? Where did Y/n go?’’ I ask Steve over the loud music. I looked to where she was, and I didn’t see her anymore.  

‘’I don’t know. Maybe she went to go find Billy, or something?’’ I shake my head, knowing better than that. Y/n would have come over and told us that she was leaving. Especially if it was to Billy, because of their fight. She wouldn’t just walk away. I have a bad feeling my gut.

‘’I don’t know, Steve. I think something is wrong. She wouldn’t just leave. She’s never done that.’’ I walk away from him, and go over to where she was previously. I try to think back to if I saw her speaking to anyone. I rack my brain, but I can’t think of anyone besides the kid in our physics class, Johnny, that was talking to her for a moment.

‘’Wait, Nancy. What’s wrong? Why are you worked up over it?’’

‘’It’s just that I have this awful feeling in my stomach, Steve. I don’t know. I just feel weird. Can you go find Billy, please? And quickly Steve. I’m worried.’’ His face seems to understand the severity of my tone, and he nods. I walk away, and start looking through the people in the house.  

I make my way around the open part of the house, not finding her anywhere. I decide I should check the rooms. I open the door to one, and I see a pair of teens making out on the bed.  

‘’Oh, uhm, so sorry.’’ I close the door quickly, feeling awkward for walking in on them. I dismiss that, remembering that I am looking for Y/n. I check another two rooms, and turn up with nothing. I wish that Steve and Billy would come back so I can have some help trying to find Y/n.

Maybe she’s fine. Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe she just went to find Billy, they made up, and they got caught in each other.  

I almost give it the benefit of the doubt, then I open up the last door in the back of the house. I see Y/n laying under Johnny, half naked. I audibly gasp in fright, turning his attention to me. He backs away from Y/n and runs out the door. I follow him with my eyes, my jaw laying open, not totally understanding what is happening.  

I turn my attention back to Y/n, seeing her still laying on the bed. She hasn’t moved at all. I walk to her, confused. My eyes widen in panic when I see that her eyes aren’t open. She’s unconscious.  

‘’Y/n? Y/n!’’ I shake her, trying to get any type of response from her, but I get none. She doesn’t budge, and my panic sets in even more. ‘’Y/n!’’ I shout again, trying one more time to wake her up. I run out of the room, to find Billy, or anyone that can help me. I see Steve, and I run to him.  

‘’Whoa, whoa. What’s wrong, Nance? You’re crying.’’ He rushes over to me, and I can tell by his face that the look of mine isn't good.  

‘’Did you find Billy? There’s something wrong with Y/n. I think Johnny did something to her.’ I cry.  

‘’What! Where?’’ I run to the room with Steve hot on my heels. He runs to her side, and cups her face. He lightly taps her to not hurt her, and she shouts her name to get her to wake up.

‘’Steve, what do we do?’’

‘’I saw Billy, I told him we were looking for him, but he brushed me off. He was going outside to say bye to Tommy. Go get him, Nance.’’ He tells me in a semi-calm voice. I quickly stand up and run out of the room again.  

I run into him in a few seconds, and I shout his name.

‘’Billy!’’ I grab his arm to get him to look at me.  

‘'What? Why are you guys both so wigged out? Can you calm down?’’ He scoffs and shrugs my hand off of him. I feel a lump form in my throat.  

‘’Come with me. I think that she was drugged. She’s in the last room.’’ His eyes widen, and he runs to the room, pushing past the people that are in his way.

~~Billy’s POV~~

The only thoughts that are running through my mind are where is Y/n? Is she okay? Is she safe? What happened? I shove people out of my way, needing to get to her. Needing to find her. Needing to make sure she is okay. I know that there is music playing, and that there are people everywhere, but I hear no noise. All the noise is cancelled out in my ears.  

I barge into the room that Nancy alluded to, and I see Y/n laying on the bed. Her head rests in Steve’s lap, and she’s barely conscious. I run to her and take Steve's spot.  

‘’Y/n! Y/n, what happened, baby? Holy sh*t! What? What? What do we do? What do I do?’’ I grab at my hair, feeling fear and stress starting to take over my body and my thoughts. What do I do? What the h*ll do I do?

‘’Biii-’’ She starts, but she makes no other sounds.  

‘’Billy, we have got to do something. The longer whatever is in her system, the worse she will get. She has to get rid of it. I just barely got her conscious, and she can’t do much.’’ Steve tells me. I try to tune out everything, and think. I think about anything and everything that could possibly help me. She was drugged, probably from a drink she had. She has to get it out of her system, and fast. She has to get rid of it.  

‘’Help me.’’ I gesture to Steve, and I pick up Y/n. Her head lulls to the side, and I make sure it has support. I walk with her to the bathroom, with Steve’s help. I lean her over the toilet bowl, making sure that no part of her is touching it. I don’t know what these people do in these bathrooms.  

‘’What are you doing?’’ Nancy asks me.  

‘’I have to make her throw up whatever it was that she took. It needs to be gone.’’ She nods in understanding, but puts her hand on her mouth in disbelief.  

‘’Nancy, call an ambulance.’’ Steve says. She nods again and runs away to find a phone to use. I stop focusing on them and worry about my Y/n. I take a deep breath, and let it out, regretting what I'm about to have to do.

‘’Oh, God. I’m so sorry, baby. Open her mouth for me?’’ Steve lightly grabs her chin and pulls it open so I can fit my fingers through. I use my two fingers, and hesitantly put my fingers down her throat. She gags, but nothing happens or comes up. I take a deep breath, but I hold it as I push my fingers down farther. She gags again before her stomach contents are released. She coughs and continues to vomit. She seems more conscious, but she is still very out of it.  

Once she seems through, as nothing comes up when she gags, I pick her up again and carry her to the bed. Nancy runs back into the room.

‘’They’re here.’’ An EMT and a police officer both walk into the room.  

‘’She already filled us in. Let us get in here, please, boys. Go ahead and clear out for me.’’ I shake my head in protest.  

‘’I’m not leaving.’’

‘’I’m sorry, but I need to ask you three some questions.’’

‘’No, I can’t leave her. Not again.’’ I say.  

‘’I’m sorry. I know you’re worried, but I need to get in here and make sure your girl is alright. I can’t help her or check on her if I’m talking to you. I promise, we’ll take care of her.’’ The EMT tells me, slightly calming my nerves. I nod reluctantly, and Steve and I are ushered out of the room.  

I see that the party has cleared out, and the only people still here are the ones who couldn’t get away, and the owner of the house, also being questioned by an officer.  

I look around at the people, and I see Johnny standing in one of the corners. I push past the officer in front of me and run to him. I punch him square in the face, with most of my strength. He doesn’t fall, but he staggers a good bit.  

‘’Whoa, what the h*ll was that for?’’

‘’You know d*mn well.’’ I say as I punch him again, this time, making him fall. I quickly drop on top of him and hit him two more times before two officers are pulling me off. There is one pulling Johnny back to, probably so can’t reach him and hit him again. ‘’It’s him. He did it. He’s the one that drugged my, baby girl.’’

‘’Oh, come on.’’ He scoffs. I try to get at him again, but the police hold me back.  

‘’It was you, you a**shole!’’

‘’Come with me.’’ the officer escorts Johnny away, good for him.

‘’Excuse me, Y/n is talking about someone named, Billy?’’ One of the EMT’s comes out of the room. I turn and walk quickly back to where she is. She is still laying down, but she’s conscious.  

~~Y/n’s POV~~

I look up when I hear Billy’s voice. I’m still groggy and gross, but at least I can move. I blink a few times and watch him walk to me. I don’t remember really anything that happened after Steve and Nancy went for a dance to now when Billy walked into the room.  

‘’B.’’ He cups my face and leans over me.  

‘’Be careful, she’s not fully recovered yet. She should be okay, you getting those drugs out of her system helped a lot. We’re going to take you to the hospital, just to be sure, since you are underage. We’ve contacted your parents through your other friends. We’ll be taking you now, you’re welcome to ride with us.’’ One of the men says to me. I nod, and they put me on the gurney and walk her out to the ambulance.

~~~~

It's later in the night now, almost two in the morning. My parents came, my mom cried, my dad scolded me for drinking, but they were overall not mad at me. Billy was by my side the whole time, in the ambulance, throughout my check-up, and now.  

I reassured my parents it was okay if they went home since they both have to work super early in the morning. I promised them I was okay, and they were super reluctant to go, and they promised to make it up to me later in the week. This is the first time that me and B have been alone.  

He sits across from my bed, and I turn to him when I hear sniffling. I cross my brows in confusion and try to see any part of his face.  

‘’B?’’ He looks up quickly before looking back down. ‘’Billy, come here.’’ He slowly gets up and stands next to my bed, but I still can’t see his face, as he is hiding it from me. ‘’B, look at me.’’ I lift his chin to meet my eyes, and I see tears wetting his cheeks. ‘’What’s wrong?’’

‘’What do you mean? Y/n, you got-you were-you.’’ He can’t even finish his sentence.

‘’I know.’’

‘’It’s my fault Y/n. I did this to you.’’

‘’No, you didn’t B. You saved me.’’

‘’No, I didn’t. Nancy and Steve did. I didn’t even know this was happening. I let this happen to you when I was hanging out with Tommy and Carol. I don’t even like Tommy that much. I yelled at you before the party. I told you that you bother me. I said that I never have peace. I didn’t mean it. I didn’t mean nay of it. I’m so sorry, Y/n. I’m sorry, baby.’’

‘’It’s okay. I know that you didn’t mean it. I get worked up too easily, and I need to do better but, Billy, you didn’t do this. I was with Steve and Nance. I was okay. And then I was stupid and took the drink from Johnny.’’

‘’No, no, no. Don’t put this back on yourself. Johnny did this. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. I should have never left you for that long by yourself. I’m so, so sorry.’’

‘’I know, B. But’s it’s not your fault either. Please don’t blame yourself.’’ He looks down and lets the final tear fall down. I wipe the tear away, and he looks at me.  

‘’I’m sorry, Y/n.’’

‘’I know, Billy. And I forgive you, but you did nothing. I forgive for the fight, and I hope you will do the same for me. But, please don’t beat yourself up. Please.’’ He nods and grabs my hand.  

‘’And I forgive you for our petty fight.’’ I lightly smile and he brings my hand up to his face. I pull him into a hug, the best I can with the wires and things hooked up to me. I put my hand in his hair, which always seems to calm him in any situation. He sighs into my embrace, and I pull away. He pulls me into him, kissing my lips softly.  

He pulls away after a few seconds, and rests his forehead on mine.  

‘’I love you, Y/n/’’

‘’I love you too, Billy. So much.’’ He smiles at me again. I scoot over on the bed to make some room for him to lay next to me. He pulls me over to him, so my head lays on his chest. His heartbeat and soft breathing lure me to a deep sleep.