#dirk is LONG confirmed

[chessb0r3d]

This is so funny to me. How is Dirk in canon so huge???

[hurlyburlytopsyturvy]

and all hope may die, but it lives on inside of me

[mindblowingscience]

Powerful new imaging techniques reveal humans were already crafting complex hunting weapons from wood 300,000 years ago, upending the stereotype of the Stone Age. Archeologists have previously suspected humans have been using wooden tools for at least as long as stone ones, but due to wood's more fragile nature, most evidence has rotted away. Now, using 3D microscopy and micro-CT scanners to examine 187 wooden artifacts from Schöningen in Germany, archeologist Dirk Leder from the Lower Saxony State Office for Cultural Heritage and colleagues have confirmed the suspicions. "Wood was a crucial raw material for human evolution, but it is only in Schöningen that it has survived from the Paleolithic period in such great quality," explains University of Göttingen archeologist Thomas Terberger.

Continue Reading.

[thewebcomicsreview]

Oh hey, Hamsteak 2. Looks like Vriska's...back in Alternia? In a dreambubble?

they sent the thief here in search of power; the power to escape the containment i so painstakingly set up for them

Al confirmed as the Candy narrator. Also confirmed that the black hole is "containment" for the dreambubbles and non-canon worlds, and that all the ghosts falling in wasn't an accident of fighting Lord English.

the black hole could only ever shelter them for so long, and in their haste to shrug off my protection they have opened the door to something far, far hungrier.

This panel is a callback to Karkat about to open the door to the New Universe. Where there were interrupted by Jack Noir. Vriska is interrupted by-

Yoo! It's Davepeta! Who feel into the black hole and has been conspicuously absent ever since. They're the only Ultimate who is not connected to Dirk, and in some ways the only "true" Ultimate. Interesting that Al considers them such a threat, when Davepeta has never been anything but benevolent.

Looks like it's all the sprites, in fact. Why...are there two Nannasprites? Oh god, I'm being pushed to the endless limits of my ability to remember Homestuck Lore. Is one of them pre-retcon? I do not remember.

ERISOLSPRITE: wwe'vve been here for liike a miilliion fuckiin 2wweep2. DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < actually we just got here DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < this place didnt even exist until she popped in ERISOLSPRITE: gue22 ii'll fuck my2elf.

It didn't exist until a character arrived, at which point it retroactively existed the whole time, like how a planet works.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < does that not sound insane to you fefeta? FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 383

What? How are Davepeta and Fefeta coexisting? That definitely doesn't make sense.

Well, logic be damned, it's apparently time for a Vriska training arc.

Gah! Talksprites! Also, Vriska enters "Hell" on page 666 of Homestuck 2, which is I think the first time this comic has aimed at any kind of Meaningful Number.

God, we are full on visual novel here. I didn't know Ren'Py could export to web, but I guess it shouldn't surprise me. I presume/hope the save option is default and won't be needed here, it's 1:30am.

Tavros is here and, much more oddly, alive. I suddenly understand jack shit.

I have no memory of Tavros ever forgiving Vriska for anything...or, for that matter, Vriska even being aware she did anything that needed to be forgiven. I presume she's just lying here, though.

This line combined with this pose is the essence of Vriska

So, Vriska's being forced to "grow as a person" and her big idea to finish her character arc is to atone for her sins by getting Tavros to take revenge on her. Vriska thinks that the secret to gaining power is getting Tavros to kill her.

I wonder where she got that idea.

But that time she refused to mind control Tavros into killing her, she wanted him to grow from it, too. Now we're past that.

I felt smart for remembering the K8LL ME bit but we're being really obvious about it now so I guess they just assumed everyone would and I'm not special :(

Oh shit. Erisol wasn't kidding.

Davepeta roleplaying being a cat who dies horribly is kind of the perfect synthesis of Dave and Nepeta. What is this music. It's very toot-y.

Oh hey a text log. How convenient. So we're trapped in a time loop, then, explicitly recreating Groundhog Day. I guess that explains the infinity hourglass on the Plot Point machine.

Vriska's having a bad couple of years.

Davepeta is "countless" cool dudes and kitty girls, which I think is the first explicit confirmation they're an Ultimate Self, though that was pretty strongly implied at least. The only Ultimate to do so without Dirk's involvement.

Stop letting me intuit things and then immediately making them clear! I don't care if it's good writing, it's making my liveblog bad!

It's so weird to compare this Davepeta to the one in Homestuck OG. There Davepeta was presented as this wise sage mentor figure who'd achieved enlightenment, and here they're much more of "Dave + Nepeta's combined silliness as one character". It's a subtle difference, but go back and read Davepeta giving this same kind of talk to Jade back in Homestuck 1. I guess that's the difficulty of a character with so little screentime in the original, they're either very limited or they feel slightly off.

Oh my fucking god, a to-be-continued select screen. Shit, that takes me back in an unexpected way.

Also, from the associated news update, "the big flash" is apparently several months away (10/25?), and I have to say they might want to be careful about overhyping it, if they have small flashes and now Ren'Py novels that are just preludes. If it's anything less than a Cascade after months and months of hype it could fall flat where a surprise [S] Enter would've popped the fanbase hard.

[trumpets0ng]

241- “Entourage”

Beginning / Previously /Next

((The Sims Unleashed Soundtrack - MAXIS))

Special thanks to @storiesbyjes2g for allowing the handsome Angelo Parrish to be traded to DSV! 😉

For easier reading, please see transcript below the cut:

Izzy: Hello Loves!

Devon: Hey Babes! I see I’m no longer the only blonde!

Izzy: Just confirming that you do really have more fun!

Uchechi: *whispering* Izzy?

Walker: *giggles* Izzy.

Obie: Guys, I’d like you to meet Wally’s brother and sister-in-law, Julian, and Uchechi. Fam, these are our friends Izzy and Matteo.

Matteo: A pleasure, to be sure!

Izzy: Welcome! Glad you could join us!

Julian: We appreciate the invite! This is quite the shindig you’ve set up!

Izzy: Me?! Oh no! Matty, Dirk and I helped pad the guest list a little, but this is all Penny’s doing. Apparently her nepo baby boss screwed up and called Penn to the rescue.

Matteo: They’re lucky we were aiming for a quiet evening this year.

Walker: Where is she?

Matteo: She was just here before you came… Ah! Over there with Kareem.

Uchechi: McCain?

Julian: Please excuse my wife while she fangirls. *everyone laughs*

Penny: When did you folks get here?

Devon: About 5, 10 minutes?

Penny: Again Wawa, I’ll be raiding your closet.

Walker: You’re wearing Sentate but wanna raid my closet? *the three of them laugh*

Devon: You got a good crowd.

Penny: Right? I could kill my boss for dumping this in my lap so last minute. Especially on a holiday weekend! I’m in marketing, not miracles.

Devon: You may have missed your calling…

Penny: Bite your tongue! *the three of them laugh*

Walker: Well, we appreciate the invite. Jules and Chichi especially.

Penny: I’m thrilled you all could make it. I swear to gnomes, Ezra owes me!

Devon: Who?

Penny: *sigh* It’s a long ass story… The CEO’s nephew. He—

Dirk: Ay y’all! This is my boy, Angelo! Just moved from Brindleton. Angie, you know Dev and the Misters. These are my friends Obie, Walker, Julian, Uchechi & Penny, the architect of this event.

Angelo: *nods in greeting* Nice to meet you all. Thank you for the invitation. I –

Kareem: No need for a speech! *Angelo chuckles in surprise*

Devon: As grown as these men are, they become such kids when they get together.

Penny: It’s kinda sweet…

[davekat-sucks]

Remember when Meenah called Lord English hot? This fact is kinda funny when considering Lord English is a mashup of young boys and Meenah has a reputation for going after characters way too young for her. Like damn, unintentional parallel? Would Caliborn x Meenah even work? She's into Karkat who parallels Caliborn in multiple ways but I feel like it would be in a more creepy way.

She really did say that in Openbound. It makes me wonder too which parts of Lord English she thinks is hot. Does she think Dirk or Auto Responder is hot? Equius? Lil Cal? Half of Gamzee (lol)? But I can see it being likely Caliborn too since he is the most like Karkat. I can see them being like kismesis. Like I can see them rag on each other because they are shocked to see that the person they grew up to be, weren't as impressive when they were young. I can see Meenah calling Caliborn a lesser version of Karkat while Caliborn just calls Meenah a fish w)-(or--E. At best, he will say thank you for her older self's services in serving Lord English. But in turn, she'll be damn proud of what her other self has done. As long as HIC gets to be a badass bitch, that's all it can convince Meenah she is awesome as fuck. And ironically enough, when thinking about Her Imperious Condesce working with Lord English to cause mass destruction and death to the universe....guess who Meenah in Homestuck 2 and by extension, Homestuck Beyond Canon, is helping for war, which also causes mass destruction?

Guess some things never change. Karkat is the new Lord English confirmed lmfao

[sandymybeloved]

*Doctor Who fans, please note I'm using Time Lord and Gallifreyan interchangably here, if you want to argue with me about it that's fine, one of these characters cannon species is shakey but I specifically wanted to include them, basically, if you can argue a character is from Gallifrey, they are not misplaced on the list

the correct answer is below the cut, DO NOT LOOK UNTIL YOU HAVE VOTED!

There is no Time Lord named Hadrojassicmaxarodenfoe, I took the name from a different Doctor Who alien, the Mighty Jagrafess of the Holy Hadrojassic Maxarodenfoe, a large purple blob of a alien who lives in the ceiling of the top floor of a satellite controlling Earth's news, here are the rest

Romanadvoratrelundar AKA Romana:

travelled with the doctor for almost three full seasons, complete with a regeneration into a new actress

Morbius:

you may have known Morbius as a real character in Doctor Who, but did you know he looks like this in his one televised appearance The Brain of Morbius, a serial disturbingly important to Doctor Who continuity as it gave us The Morbius Doctors, hand waved away as future incarnations of the Doctor of Morbius' regenerations until 2020's The Timeless Child confirmed them as the Doctor 44 years later

Omega:

What's under the mask you ask... Absolutely nothing, Omega has no physical body, he remains alive through only insisting he exists

Rassilon:

Look, I have been a fan of Doctor Who since I could walk, and there's still no way I could explain Rassilon even to myself, he is whatever the story needs. Dead, alive, good, evil, maybe I just don't pay enough attention but I do not understand him one bit

Drax:

A time and space travelling mechanic

The Meddling Monk:

its a crime he's only in one televised story

Susan Foreman

The Doctor's granddaughter and original companion, this is the character who's species is not clear, because she left long before the Time Lords or their planet, Gallifrey, even existed in the show

Professor Chronotis

apologies to any Dirk Gently fans who were caught out by this one. In the late 1970s, Douglas Adams was the script editor for Doctor Who, he wrote a story called Shada, which they started filming, but due to strike action never completed, Douglas Adams repurposed many of the ideas he had for Shada into his other works, most notably Dirk Gently's Hollistic Detective Agency, Professor Chronotis being one of them, a time traveller teaching at a university. You may be wondering why I include character from a story that was never televised, but Shada has so many reconstructions and adaptations in other Doctor Who media its now more easily accessible than many episodes from the 1960s

[simmonsized]

in exchange for finding the fic for me here is some fun facts about bro having a flat ass, from a swordsman.

like 99% of swordsmen (and women ofc) have very nice asses bc. well. standing semi-crouched for that long to practice and all the moving around and lunging WILL give you some very large leg and ass muscles. can confirm from personal experience.

so, for bro to have a flat ass:

a) his stance fucking sucks and he doesnt move around much

OR

b) vibes so rancid ecotbiology intervened to ensure that thang stayed flat as a pancake.

this is by no means indictment of the headcanon i think it is fucking hilarious. keep going king o7 we love you (genuine)

SEE NOW, this may be true, for most people. Unfortunately Dirk "Bro" Strider is simply as you say, so rancid in the vibes that he does not deserve to have a nice ass.

Although perhaps it is ectobiology, at least a little. As a figure skater, I can relate, because we have a descriptor we call "skater butt" at my rink lol but some of us (not me tho) cannot seem to achieve one no matter how hard we struggle (but that is what butt pads are for; not to protect from falls, but to pretend you got a nice booty heheh)

Seriously, thank you for the fun info, I will now be laughing even harder about his flat fuck friday ass 💖

[xx-slug-xx]

Really happy that there’s more people complaining about the people who interpret Dirk and Rose’s relationship in BC as incest and gross.

Imo, if you ship them then cool! I’m not talking about y’all and you’re good to go!

But if you interpret their relationship as incest and are discussed to read BC because of it, that’s just a YOU issue. I never saw their bond as incest. It was never meant to be incest. There’s a one off joke-ish thing that Dave mentions about incest, but incest jokes and remarks are everywhere in HS and BC. It’s not meant to be taken seriously. “Why would Rose leave her loving wife behind?” “Must be incest”. Is kinda how the conversation read in the Epilogues imo. It’s just a dysfunctional familial dynamic as they both struggle to find someone who understands them in their ascended state. Do y’all forget that Dirk is exclusively gay in canon and Rose is all but confirmed in the text itself to be exclusively lesbian in canon? I’m all for headcanons that diverge from the canon material, I don’t have a problem if people ship either with the opposite gender. But if you are specifically talking about the canon material, you cannot ignore how they are ment to be portrayed and what their characters canonically are.

I’m happy that other people have some critical thinking skills and are able to deal the relationship how it was meant to be. I remember that it wasn’t all that long ago when the majority of folks just thought it was incest and hated the comic because of it. Honestly, I’m glad people can understand dysfunctional family dynamics and codependency in a non romantic context and I’m not alone in this interpretation anymore lol.

[admiralsweko]

Rhyiona Week 2023 Day Five

Prompt: Legend

Cross My Heart

You, I can make you love me

Even when I take it all -- Always by Great Good Fine OK

He’d heard the stories. They echoed in his ears, even now, as he delved deeper into the woods. According to the tales Rhys had known most of his life, somewhere deep in this forest lay a spring, a wonder to behold and rumored to be the home of a nymph. It was said that kings and paupers alike used to visit the sacred site, offering any and all for a single boon.

Now, he was making the journey. 

Lost in thought, he fingered the patch over his left eye idly. He prayed that the stories were true. He had spent the last of his meager savings in an effort to track down this legend. Pulling his compass from the pocket of his doublet, he confirmed he was still headed in the correct direction. A short time later, he came upon his destination. 

Nature had reclaimed the marble columns that arched majestically around the perimeter of the little clearing, draping the solid white stone with choking green vines. Stepping around a toppled-over pillar, he surveyed the area. Bathed in sunlight streaming in from a break in the dense tree canopy overhead, the spring was an oasis of natural beauty. Patches of scarlet wild flowers dotted the thick carpet of grass underfoot, even sprouting in the cracks between the moss spotted boulders that lined the cerulean waters of the spring.

“Hello?” He called out, not truly expecting an answer. None came. 

Sliding his pack from his shoulder, he crouched to dig inside the leather bag. From it, he withdrew the items necessary to complete the summoning ritual. 

Atop the flat surface of one of the rocks, he laid out the assortment: a small sachet, a pair of old coins, and a scrap of paper. With trembling fingers, he untied the knot that held the sachet closed. Spreading the leather out, a grim menagerie of objects were disclosed. He flinched at the sight of the tiny bird skull amid the dried herbs, fine powdery ash, and other small bones he hoped were of animal origin. Carefully, he placed the two coins on top, mindful the king’s bust faced downward as the witch that had set him on this path had strictly instructed.

He pulled his dirk from the sheath at his hip. Taking a deep shuddering breath, he steadied himself before slicing into his palm. He winced as the sharp edge of the blade bit into his skin with ease and hot, red blood welled quickly. His dripping hand hovering above the coins, he recited the words scrawled on the paper. 

The ritual complete, he looked around expectantly, but found he remained alone. With a defeated sigh, he shook the excess blood from his wound and leaned forward to rinse it off in the waters below. 

I should have known better, he admonished himself. Only a fool would go off chasing fairy tales. 

As he dipped his hand into the cool liquid, something wrapped around his wrist. Shocked, a startled sound escaped him and he tried to withdraw, taking whatever it was with him. 

Encircling his wrist was a delicate hand, slender feminine fingers with nails tipped in turquoise color. Unbelieving of his own eyes, he watched dumbstruck as a woman emerged gracefully from the depths of the spring. Water streamed down her body, splashing back into the pool with a melodious chime. Half submerged, she was a vision unlike anything he’d ever seen before.

Clothed in a swath of damp fabric, it draped artfully along her curves. Her bare skin shimmered, the water droplets clinging to her reflecting the sunlight. Long russet-colored hair lay over one shoulder, shot through with a fiery red streak of a similar shade to the wildflowers that grew nearby. Sparkling emerald eyes gazed at him. 

“My, my,” she spoke. “What do we have here?” 

She took in the bloodied display of items still laid neatly atop the rock. Her eyes met his once more and she raised a scarred brow. A soft smirk graced her ruby lips. Her voice was like music as she said, “This is some old magic for such a young thing like you.” 

“I– I–” he struggled to formulate a response. His mouth opened and closed as his brain stalled. “I came to see you,” he blurted.

A gentle tinkle of laughter escaped her as her smirk melted into a genuine smile. “Oh, sweetling. If you wanted me this badly, all you had to do was call upon me. Aww,” she cooed, her attention turning to the open wound sliced across his palm, ”Now you’ve gone and hurt yourself.” 

Belatedly, Rhys realized she still held his wrist in her grasp. He watched as she raised his hand to her lips and planted a soft kiss to his cut. When their eyes met again, his heart skipped a beat. Transfixed by her emerald gaze, time spun out, a moment stretching into eons. Distantly he was aware of a tingling sensation that zipped along his wound and up his arm. Tearing himself away from her bewitching stare, he withdrew his hand from her gentle grip, took a step back, and glanced down to see his cut had fully healed. A faint thin seam of a scar was the only indication it had been there at all. 

“Now, seeing as how you’ve gone to so much trouble to summon me,” she came forward and leaned against the rocks lining the edge of the pool. Propping herself up against the flat ledge of a boulder, she rested her chin in her palm and looked up at him with expectant amusement, “What brings you here?” 

“Uh, Um, of course,” he shook his head in an attempt to straighten his scattered thoughts. “M– M’lady, I, um, wanted— If it pleases you–” Out of his element, he stuttered over his words, “ I-I’ve heard tales of your generosity and I seek to implore upon your benevolence.” 

“Ah, but it has been quite some time since anyone has come to beseech me,” she said brightly. ���Tell me. What can I do for you?”

Nervous, Rhys cleared his throat before explaining, “There is a maiden in my town. She has come of marriageable age. I seek to ask for her hand, but her father is a wealthy man. A merchant tradesmen of some repute. I fear he would not be impressed by my meager offerings, if I were to approach him now. Hence, I’ve traveled here to…” he trailed off, apprehension gnawing at his insides. Speaking his words out loud, he realized how fatuous it sounded. 

“You’ve come to me,” she filled in, “in hopes of a significant boon that might sway this man to see you as a choice candidate for his daughter's hand. But is this a question of love,” she asked, tilting her head inquisitively. “Do you care for this maiden?” 

“I’m not certain I understand,” he flushed at the inquiry, unsure as to how to answer. “What difference does it make?”

Her lips twisted into a strange smile. The expression vanished as quickly as it had appeared. She shrugged, “Truthfully, it matters not. I am just a curious creature.” A knowing look settled upon her graceful features. ”But no doubt this betrothal would benefit you greatly, with more than just a pretty wife?” 

“Y-Yes, my lady,” he admitted reluctantly. “If I were to succeed in this advantageous match, my limited prospects in life would broaden, that is true. So will you help me?” 

She was silent for a moment as she mulled it over. Her eyes narrowed as she searched his face. 

“Wait here,” she bade him before disappearing under the surface of the water. Left alone, he nervously awaited her return. 

She resurfaced once more, putting forth a cupped palm. Nestled in her hand was the largest pearl Rhys had laid eyes upon. Black in color, it shone with a hypnotizing iridescence.

“This should serve to impress your maiden’s father,” she said with a smirk.

Rhys nodded mindlessly as he reached out to take the shimmering pearl.

“Ah, ah,” she admonished, closing her fingers and pulling away. “If you’ve heard tales told of me, you will know that I don’t offer anything out of the goodness of my heart. What do you propose to exchange for this courtesy?”

“Of course, my lady. My apologies.” 

He hastily patted at his pockets before remembering the pack at his feet. He bent to it and withdrew a small velvet pouch. Loosening the drawstring, he unfolded the cloth to reveal a delicate filigreed hair comb of fine wire, studded with small sparkling stones. 

“This was my late grandmother’s,” he explained. “Although not valuable in coin, it is of great sentimental worth to me. It is all I have to offer.” 

“Hmm,” she pondered, her eyes on the comb. Anticipation quickened the drum of his heart. “Yes, I believe this will suffice.”

Relief washed over him, immediately followed by a heady sense of excitement. They exchanged their goods; Rhys taking the pearl into the velvet sachet recently vacated by his grandmother’s comb. Wrapping it up, he tucked the treasure into his pack.

“Thank you, my lady,” he nodded respectfully, desperately trying to keep his excitement hidden under the veneer of manners.

“The pleasure was mine,” she said, “And please, call me Fiona.” 

“I’m honored to have met you… Fiona.”

“And what, pray tell, is your name, most intrepid sir,” she asked, a chuckle in her tone.

“Rhys, uh, my name is Rhys.” 

“Ah, Rhys," she smiled beatifically, her face lighting as she spoke his name out loud, “That’s lovely. Well, I wish you good fortune with your impending engagement.” 

With a wave of her hand, she slipped soundlessly beneath the surface of the water once more. 

()()()

Stumbling through the underbrush, Rhys panted as he came upon the spring. 

“Fiona!” he bellowed the nymph’s name angrily. Despite the week’s span that had unfolded since his disgrace, the bitterness was still fresh. Every step he’d taken on his journey back to this oasis further reminded him of the rube he was and the rebuff he had suffered.  

He called out once more, his hands at fists by his sides. 

“Well, hello again, Rhys.” In the space of a blink, she pushed up from the watery depths,  appearing even more captivating than he remembered. “I can’t say I expected–”

“You played me for a fool,” he interrupted her. Pulling the small velvet sachet from his pocket, he opened it. Inside, the great shining pearl he’d so admired had transformed into a damp, shiny brown lump. He cast aside the offending mass against the rocks of her pool, where the thick clump of wet mud splattered along the side of a boulder. 

“What is the meaning of this?” he demanded. “Do you realize what you’ve done?”

“I suppose the proposal didn’t quite go as planned.” Amusement danced in her eyes. 

“I was humiliated. Alyssandra’s father laughed in my face when I asked for her hand.” Defeat rounded his shoulders. “She’s– she’s been betrothed to another.” 

“Alas, it was for the best, I imagine. You didn’t want to marry that girl,” she stated matter-of-factly ”No matter the advantages such a match might have presented, I saved you from a lifetime of boredom."

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he sighed resignedly. His anger ebbed away in the face of the truth. As much as he was loath to admit it, she was right. The memory of the half hour he’d spent in the company of the dull-witted young woman he’d so bent on marrying haunted him. 

“I suppose you want me to thank you, then,” he said sarcastically. “For your good deed?” 

An imperious smirk graced the nymph’s beautiful face. “A little gratitude would be welcomed.”

Unable to contain his exasperation, he rolled his eyes. “I’ve returned to retrieve my grandmother’s comb. Let’s have it.”

“No,” she flatly refused. Her hand reached up to the comb nestled in her hair behind her ear, fingers tracing the little glass stones tenderly. “The deal was struck. You received your boon. It matters not if you were unsatisfied after the fact. I, on the other hand, am quite pleased with our trade.” 

“But you tricked me!” he snapped, irritation spiking once more. 

“That’s a harsh way to put it,” she admonished playfully. “In the end, our trade was a barter for objects of equal value. I was merely less forthcoming as to the quality of my item as you were of yours.”  

“Fine,” he scoffed, outmatched. Frustrated at her arrogance, he threw his hands up and turned to leave.

“Rhys, wait,” she called out, causing him to hesitate. “I’m not completely heartless. Since you’ve come all this way, perhaps we can broker another exchange. Perchance for something more appealing than some silly girl’s favor or a worthless trinket?”

Everything within him screamed that he should continue on his way and forget this place even existed. But he found himself turning to face her once more. 

“What could you possibly have to offer me after all this,” he implored wearily, gesturing to the muddied rock. 

“Your eye.”

Instinctively, he reached up, his fingers brushing against the smooth leather of his patch. Her unexpected overture gave him pause. 

“How can I be assured that you won’t trick me again?”

“You can’t,” she stated plainly, “You’ll just have to trust me. But what have you got to lose?”

He was silent for a moment as he pondered that fact. Finally, he asked, “What would you want in exchange?” 

“Ah, therein lies the real question, my dear,” her head tipped as she lifted a brow. “What can you offer me?” 

He raised his hands in surrender, “Alas, I have nothing of any importance to give. As you know, I am a poor man, in coin and title.” 

“I don’t want your coin, boy,” she scoffed, “What good would coin do me, out here in these wilds?” She extended her arms to take in the expanse of forest that surrounded them. “No,” she shook her head as that honeyed smile quirked her lips once more. “I want something you haven’t given another soul.” 

Despite himself, his curiosity stirred, tempered by a fair amount of caution. “And what, pray tell, could that be?”

“All in due time,” she laughed merrily. “First, that eye of yours.” 

She dove beneath the surface of the pool. Rhys waited, his anxiety telling him to turn tail and run. Before he could heed his better judgment, however, she resurfaced. In her hand, she held a small clay salve pot. She tossed it to him and he caught it. 

“Apply that to your eye every night before sleep. It will give you wicked dreams but by the time the salve is gone, you will have sight in your eye once more.” 

“Th–Thank you,” he said, hesitantly as he tucked the little pot in his pocket. “Now, what do you want in return?”

“Come closer,” she beckoned.

She glided up to the rocky perimeter of the spring and leaned out over the flat surface of a boulder. From her perch, he could glimpse translucent patches of iridescent scales that shimmered in the sunlight along her skin, revealing her true nature. Confronted with this reminder that he was dealing with no ordinary woman, his eyes narrowed as he held his ground.

“Come, come,” she urged him forward, curling a finger at him.

Cautiously, he stepped closer to the edge of the pool. Still she beckoned him lower, until finally he dropped to one knee before her. Now, face to face, her eyes sparkled mesmerizingly. The sweet smile on her lips soothed his wild nerves.

“What is it that you require in return?” he asked again softly. 

“Just a kiss,” she replied, the very picture of enchanting innocence. 

Confused, his brows pulled together for a moment. “But I thought you desired something I had never given another,” he reminded her. 

“I do.”

Amusement suffused him and he smiled. “This may surprise you, my lady, but I have given a kiss before.”

“I have no doubt as to your prowess with fair maidens,” she said sardonically, “but a kiss is what I require.” 

Puzzled by her request, he searched her expression for any hint of subterfuge. She gazed back at him guilelessly. 

Finally, he conceded, “As you wish, my lady.” 

He leaned forward slowly. As the space between them shortened, he watched her intently, wary of any treachery. With none forthcoming, he proceeded to press a soft, chaste kiss to her lips. He was withdrawing quickly when she grabbed a handful of the front of his doublet, halting his progress. 

“Hmm,” she hummed skeptically. A wicked gleam shone in her gaze. “I think we can do better than that.” 

Before he could react, she pulled him in again. His eyes widened as she kissed him fully. Her lips were cold against his, a sensation he hadn’t registered on that initial contact. She brought her other hand to his cheek, the chill making him gasp in shock. In great contrast, her tongue was hot as it slipped into his mouth, a warm, slick caress that shook him to his core. 

Instantly bewitched, he was completely at her mercy. His eyes drifted closed as he yielded to her. Sensing his surrender, she retreated and nipped at his lower lip. The unexpected scrape of her teeth against that sensitive surface drew a hushed grunt of pleasure and surprise from him. Quickly, she ran her tongue over the nibble, soothing as well as coaxing him to meet her advancement. Enticed, he obeyed, uniting with her once more in a velvety harmony that set his blood aflame. With every thunderous heartbeat, he succumbed even further to the torrid, wet magic of her kiss. It was true, he had been kissed before, but the memories of those hasty or hesitant exchanges melted away in the feverishness of this connection. 

When she finally relented, he found himself panting for air like a drowning man. Still holding him close, she pressed her forehead to his and laughed breathlessly. “I’d say that’s a good start.” 

“For–for what?” he asked, his thoughts still scattered. 

“Oh, my dear sweet Rhys,” she purred his name, causing the hair on the nape of his neck to stand. “You see, this kiss wasn’t my payment. At least, not in full.” She looked him deeply in the eyes as her thumb brushed against his lips. Her other hand unclenched from his doublet, her palm spreading flat against his chest. “For your end of the bargain, you have to give me your heart.” 

“My-My what?” Crashing back to his senses, he was horrified. Quickly, he pulled away from her. In his haste,  he lost his balance, landing on his rear with a thud. Gaining his feet, he stumbled away, trying to put distance between them. 

“Don’t be so alarmed, sweet one,” she chuckled. “I speak only figuratively. I intend you no harm.”

“Wha–” he scrambled to understand, “What is the meaning of this?” 

She shrugged as she smiled that wicked grin, merriment shining in her eyes. “A goddess is only as powerful as when she is worshiped, Rhys. And it hurts to be forgotten. This ensures you’ll never forget me.” 

“ But– But how does one kiss equal my heart?” he demanded. 

“As I said, darling, it’s a start.”

Pushing away from the rocks and into the water, she lengthened herself out to float along the surface of her pool. Arms lazily stroking through the clear blue waters, she was the embodiment of carefree elegance. 

Head tipped back, she looked to the sky as she continued, “Soon, you will find I am always in the back of your mind. Your body will ache for my touch, your lips will yearn for my kiss. No matter where you go, you will long to return to me.” 

“Folly,” he spit out the word. Rekindled anger burned hot in his stomach. “I don’t know what your aim is, but I can assure you I have no intention of ever setting foot in these woods again.” 

Resolute in his conviction, he spun on his heel. 

“You’ll be back,” she sang out behind him. Her delighted laughter sounded musically in the air. 

Outraged, he rushed headlong into the surrounding forest. He rubbed the rear of his hand against his mouth in a vain attempt to scrub the events that had just unfolded away as he tried to reject the notion of her words from his thoughts. 

There was no truth to her proposition, he reassured himself. It’s all just the mad contrivances of a nefarious sprite bent on toying with me.

Even as he repeated the conviction endlessly, a seed of dissent blossomed in the back of his mind. The remembered warmth of her kiss burned like a fire across his nerves, the heady rush of her tongue as it tangled with his own lingered. Hopelessly vexed, he desperately pushed down the bittersweet memory of her lips against his and hurried on his way.

[urlocallesbiab]

ok folks, inspired by This Post (thank you for inspiration and ideas, @agent-p-94/@generalized-incompetence!), i present to you:

brotzly fake dating couple's therapy au; in the form of tumblr messages/a campfire story/an unwitten fic rundown

me: the thing is, they'd PASS

within 10 minutes of knowing each other they'd get so PISSED OFF it'd fill up an entire therapy session

just "YOU NEVER SHUT UP" and "YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME" and "I'VE NEVER MET A DUMBER PERSON" and "I'M SICK TO DEATH OF YOU CRITIQUING MY MUSIC TASTE" and "YOUR DRIVING SKILLS ARE GOING TO GET US KILLED I SWEAR TO GOD" nonstop rapid-fire with therapist barely able to squeeze a "gentlemen, please!" inbetween

and then they'd stumble out of the building and LAUGH, laugh so hard they'd be clinging to each other near falling to the ground, todd croaking that this is the best stress-release activity he'd done in YEARS, dirk clutching his stomach and crying and highlighting the best of todd insults

both would admit this is the BEST first date ever and schedule the next therapy session

every time they'd spend like 10-30 minutes getting to know each other better, and then full 45 just kvetching, sometimes just YELLING at the top of their lungs to their hearts' delight at the therapist office

agent: The best of Todd insults!!! Omg

They just argue nonstop anyway it's just a space to do that

me: and one day dirk would bring in rings, just plain metal ones (but no one has to know), justify that well, if this is a marriage ruse we might as well up our game, right? but he'd be weirdly skittish and self-conscious about it, like he's overstepping an invisible boundary; but todd would be *down* for it — he would be down for most of dirk's stupid bullshit, it's been so long since he's done any proper good shenanigans, since his life was even half this fun!

and then he'd try on the ring and laugh again because it *doesn't fit*, and dirk would get half-jokingly defensive that he didn't know his size!!, and todd would let him take the measuremnts (bc for what purpose would he know his own ring finger size), and dirk's breath would catch holy and uncomfortably

next time, dirk would get him a good, fitting ring, and it'd make weird things shift in his stomach

agent: OR it would be the RIGHT size, holistically

And he's like well I have to wear it now

And maybe they actually stumble upon something real in the middle of it - Dirk is going full monologue about the dishwasher and he says something and todd stops yelling back and looks unusually affected and is like wait...really? And then they just stare at each other for a minute and Todd is like ...I never knew that. And then they stare some more. And then the therapist is like ummm our time is up? I'm just gonna... Go? And then they're really quiet on the drive home but the next morning they have a new understanding

me: DIRK LETTING HIS TRAUMA PEEK THROUGH AND TODD ACCEPTING IT WHOLEHEARTEDLY

it's silent the whole ride, but just before he drops dirk off (dirk had been BANNED from the wheel since their first date/session) he goes "so, this..... [dryly, as not to disturb, sums up dirk's thing] it's real?"

dirk, usually so talkative, just helplessly shrugs, then shakes his head at himself, then somberly nods a few times, confirming that yes.

todd puts a hand on his knee and goes "dude. this is messed up. i'm so sorry."

dirk just nods some more, tearing up, because even though the words are simple, he's never heard anyone say them, never dared to share, and it hits him so deeply and painfully to be finally validated

he stumbles home, and cries for the whole evening, and feels lighter than usual afterwards

agent: The tragicomedy of falling in love with your own husband...........

me: i think for WORST results they agree it's just a fun platonic thing for shits and giggles before they meet up for the first time

and like, in the therapist's office they're this TERRIBLE couple who HATES each other, and outside of it they're just two guys being dudes, and romance, even fake, exists only in glimpses and doorways, and when the pit of longing opens, there's utterly nothing to stuff in it but stolen glances.

farah is the same therapist's normal patient with actual mental health issues she's trying to work through, and when they meet her in the waiting lobby for the first time they UTTERLY FAIL to convince her that their shtick is real, so they resort to *begging* her not to sell them out, and even though she's really on the fence about the whole thing and is unsure if it's morally okay to do, she gives in to dirk's Professional Puppy Eyes

after a while she gets unashamedly invested and demands they fill her in on the newest lies

maybe in one of dirk's bluffs/"attempts to hone the backstory" he invites himself to todd's apartment to better learn his habits and where he lacks in his homesteading

("well, when do i get to learn what chores do *you* fuck up?" todd asks playfully

"oh, just all of them!" dirk answers nonchalantly

in truth, he just doesn't want todd to see his barely lived-in, depressinly dirty short-term rented apartment. in the time dirk's been here, this city hasn't started feeling any more like a home.

in truth, dirk posted that stupid craigslist ad on his first week here, drunk and lonely and in mood for hijinks and out of his mind desperate for human connection; todd was actually looking for some simple one-off jobs to earn some quick buck, but couldn't resist a Stupid Idea when it dangled itself in his face)

todd gives him a quick tour, dirk half-heartedly criticizes the 3 dirty dishes in the sink and the mildly overflowing laundry hamper, and then for most of the evening they drink beer and play card games with todd's trusty ratty 10 years old deck that misses a jocker and a two of hearts (they decide to forgo the twos altogether) but overall is fine, dirk teaches him a couple of weird local games he'd picked up over the years, then tries to do card tricks but gets half of them wrong, they laugh a lot, todd makes grilled cheese, dirk says that if they ever feel the need to add a dash of appreciation into their sessions — just for some contrast and zest — then he'll admit that he *adores* todd's cooking, todd smiles bashfully and says man that's just some grilled cheese it's not that big of a deal

they pass out on the couch together, and dirk wakes up with a sore neck, sour mouth, and entangled limbs, and feels so at peace and right, and doesn't move, wishes for todd to sleep for longer, just so they could stay like this

then they find out todd doesnt have a spare toothbrush, so dirk has to make do with some gum while todd apologizes profusely

todd's got a shift in the late morning, so they do an awkward half-hug with back-patting, and dirk leaves

when dirk's getting himself a late breakfast at the corner store, he almost buys himself a toothbrush to keep in todd's apartment; then discards the thought; then buys it anyway, but tells himself it's a spare one for his own home, for when he'll need to throw the old one out. he never brings up the toothbrush thing around todd.

also he thinks it's a shame he couldn't brush his teeth, because then he could've kissed todd without worrying about bad breath; he discards that thought even quicker and farther

during one of the sessions, todd accidentaly makes a comment that actually gets to dirk, that makes him feel self-conscious and inadequate and upset

after they've done for the day, dirk asks if this is how todd *really* feels about him?.. todd says no, of course not! all of this is in good fun, just a friendly yelling match. he'd never say *anything* with an actual intention to hurt dirk; now that dirk brought that comment up, todd's never going to repeat it

"you seem like a good guy, you know? i genuinely like you," todd says

dirk feels very very warm

and maybe they sometimes spend time after the sessions too, and sometimes even on free days, just hanging out, relaxed and having fun, enjoying the company

and maybe one day it goes a little too well, and dirk gets a little too brave, and admits to todd that he's started feeling some kind of romantic interest, and asks if he would maybe like an actual date some other time

todd snaps at him.

tells dirk that he's only seen glimpses of todd, that these joke-sessions and little hang-outs show almost nothing of the real him, that he's a *mess*, that dirk doesn't know what he's getting himself into and should back off, that todd's a horrible person who's not worth the trouble

dirk tries to get to him, but todd gets even more defensive, even more closed off, pushes him away, makes that awful painful comment he'd promised he wouldn't say.

they don't show up for the next session.

dirk mops by the building on the scheduled day anyway, because he dislikes his routines disrupted when it's not him doing that, and because he's got nowhere to go, and because he secretly hopes todd will come around anyway (he doesn't.)

he meets farah after her actual session: she's had a Bad one today and is distraught, and dirk suggests they get hammered together. farah thinks it's an unhealthy coping mechanism, but after all of 15 seconds of deliberating she agrees

then she cries into his shoulder about her family and expectations and failed police exams and that she's a *failure* and will never get better, and he shakes her by the shoulders and near-yells that she's AMAZING, and fuck her family, and all cops are bastards anyway! she gets affronted and mentions her brothers and father, then realizes those people Are fucking bastards, then laughs and agrees with dirk and cries some more

dirk spills his entire conundrum, start to finish, only 5 useless tangents for the length of the whole thing which is not too bad of a ratio by his own measures, and farah tells him that todd's bullshit is Bullshit, capital B! if therapy taught her *anything* is that any person is capable of change ("you don't need to change yourself though," dirk pipes up; "YEAH, IM FUCKING PERFECT!" farah answers triumphantly), that this is just stupid excuses for excuses! (yeah!) and if dirk thinks that *farah*, with All her failures and fuck-ups, is not a lost cause (of course not!), then neither is todd! (damn, you're making a point!)

they swap some more personal stories, farah almost has a lesbian crisis in front of him but decides to throw up instead, and they leave the bar mostly in good spirits

dirk sleeps all of it off, but the next morning, even though Severely Hangover, he is no less determined.

he stakes out todd's apartment building (he did drop him off the first time; and even though he doesn't remember the adress for shit after all this time, he Luckes Out [after stubbornly cruising the general area for two hours straight])

and confronts him. tells todd that their friendship has been meaningful for dirk, no matter how little todd might think of it. (todd winces. he doesn't say it, but all of this was close to his heart too; he never meant to come off like he did, save for coming clean as an asshole; he *does* care about dirk, rather unreasonably much.) that dirk doesn't ask todd to give *him* a chance, but give *himself* a chance. that no person is irredeemable.

todd is eerily quiet. he invites dirk in, makes him some tea. sits silently at the table for a few minutes. and then, it all spills out: what he'd done to his band, to his *sister*, to himself; what a true actual hopeless horrible Asshole he is. he gets almost angry halfway through, voice rising, — either at dirk or at himself, it's not clear. dirk sits it all out. tells todd that is isn't the worst it could've been. todd begins to snap at him, but bites his mouth, and just buries his head in his arms, hiding. his head is so very heavy. dirk gives him a small solemn lecture about how past perfomance is not a predictor of future results, how it's never late to just *stop* being an asshole. how he's dirk's friend, how he's been kind to him, and dirk trusts him to continue to be kind, to build his life forward. ("*kind* to you? after i'd said that [hurtful thing] — the second time, *deliberately?" todd is bitter and baffled. "i forgive you for it. that's what friends do." dirk says like it's obvious). dirk places his trust in todd. todd struggles to process all that, he just lies on the table neither crying nor breathing; dirk talks to fill up the space, and to make good use of his trust. he tells todd all about his childhood trauma, in great, visceral detail, like he's pulling his guts out; he starts crying halfway through. todd hugs him really, really hard, and doesn’t let go for a while.

todd promises he'll come clean to amanda. dirk promises he'll start looking into therapy for his cptsd. they promise to each other they're friends, best friends.

they come in for the last fake-session with that therapist, just to tie a pretty bow on this whole thing: to tell them they're finally getting divorced, and will not require their services anymore. poor person breaks with an actual heavy sigh of *relief*.

dirk starts seeing a new therapist — not this one, thankfully; farah recommends him an old one she used to work with. she couldn't quite find a good rhythm with him, but she thinks he might be a nice match for dirk. he ends up being exactly that.

todd isn't yet ready for therapy, and dirk is accepting of that. amanda's not talking to him anymore, and he's *not* taking it in stride, but he's holding up as best as he can, and dirk holds his hand through it.

they do have an Actual Date with Romantic Intenstions — it goes remarkably well, even though they bicker for half the duration of it. it's all in good fun <3

they don't wear the rings anymore, but keep them as a memento; both feel weirdly sentimental about them. dirk does finally buy a new toothbrush for himself to keep in todd's apartment.

farah does end up having a lesbian crisis in front of her therapist, the one that todd and dirk have been torturing. poor soul.

[summery-captain]

This is gonna be a long one: a total of 18 posts following Dirk's actions, behaviours and phrases that are indicative of him being autistic and also kinetic (having ADHD). Disclaimer that I'm AuADHD and that's how/why I've come to analyse him like this, the devil works hard but my special interest in him and the show works harder

I'll divide it up by episode so it's a bit easier! I'll link the next ones here as I make them, let me know if you want me to tag you in the next ones. There won't be images, just descriptions of the general scenes. I'll make a post later on of the main scenes/moments that make me see him as AuADHD, if you see a "*" next to any of these it means it's going in the TL:DR post later.

S1E1 - "Horizons"

> The episode opens with Dirk being extremely off put by the phone ringing and he repeats himself when answering ("Awake, yes I'm awake, I've been awake"). He then realizes he's late and that sends him into panic. - Has trouble organizing and keeping track of time/significant dates and tasks

> In the murder scene at the hotel, right before he picks up the shark kitten his hands tremble slightly and he seems hesitant for a second to take it. - has to mentally prepare when touching a new/different texture, in this case the kitten's fur

> When Zimmerfield and Estevez are analysing the footage of the day the murder happened, Dirk is seen (in the gorilla mask) looking around as if lost/confused of his whereabouts, even if he's been told (by himself) where he needs to go/be. - Has trouble with directions and verbal instructions, gets lost easily

> *"Pfft, time! I laugh at the concept, I can spend a whole day without even trying" - time blindness/hyperfixation/"daydreaming"

> "How did you get in here?!" Todd says. "Through the window, obviously", he answers. Then, later in the same scene, Todd says "You can't just break into my apartment!", "Clearly I can, I just did" - takes questions/statements literally, answering exactly what is being asked/said

> When he gives his speech of interconnectedness Todd looks more confused and annoyed by the second, he doesn't want to hear any of it. Dirk doesn't seem to realize this and just goes on and on, taking Todd's initial silence as confirmation that he can keep talking, interrupts Todd every time he tries to answer/say anything - has trouble with social cues and with when/how to stop talking

> "No one watches the news, except for old people. And me- occasionally" - is immediatelly defensive of interests/habits that may seem odd to others

> "None of your business" Todd says when he tries to offer him a ride "You don't even know my business!!" - again, takes things literally. I also think he is fully aware that Todd doesn't mean that literally but feels compelled to answer nonetheless

> In these next scenes they're already at Amanda's. "You said you were gonna stay in the car." "I lied though." - is blunt/direct - "Did you see how I snuck up on you? I was trained as a ninja by the CIA- Sorry, that's a lie too", he looks pained and his eyes focus on a random point, he's clearly mentally scolding himself, he finds it hard to filter out thoughts before saying them out loud

> "What's wrong with you exactly?" - is blunt/direct and without much tact when talking to Amanda about pararibulitis

> "Is it THAT important that you're not to be identified as my friend that you felt the need to argue about it?" - he's hurt and needs specific clarifications for previous social interactions and demonstrates rejection sensitive dysphoria (panic/meltdown/overload due to perceived social rejection) when Todd keeps rejecting him every time he tries to connect with him. It's hard not to spiral, especially because he's been told by himself that Todd is his best friend. He knows it didn't happen overnight but he was so excited about the prospect that being met with a very different reality is really staggering for him)

> When watching Todd and Amanda jam, he daydreams, imagining himself jamming with them, interacting and belonging - it's hard for us to feel like we're part of a group/that we belong, so it's common for neurodivergent people to imagine ourselves in different scenarios being able to fully interact and integrate with our peers

> Later in the same scene when Amanda gets an attack, he immediately rushes over and is only stopped by Todd pushing him off from him and Amanda. His eyes go unfocused and they get red. - rejection sensitive dysphoria (although it's understandable why he was pushed off.

> Later, back at Todd's apartment, he goes on and on about past cases until Todd snaps, he has a hard time recognizing the social cues Todd is giving him. "A thing with Thor- he's not nearly as good looking as people say. Actually, it's kind of a funny story-", looks extremely pained when cut off too, it's hard to stop in our tracks when we start something.

> When the Rowdy 3 get into the apartment building he immediately tries to hide under a bed that is clearly far too small for him - lacks spatial awareness, having trouble with knowing wheter or not he fits somewhere before trying to do so

> "I'm a person or varied intuitions, I have a lot of feelings about a lot of things. They're rarely ever wrong, but rarely completely right" - he's highly sensitive. Of course this plays into the whole show's themes, this part specifically for him being holistic. In my view though, whether the writers and actor meant to or not, holisticness greatly mirrors/parallels neurodivergency, even Blackwing is shown to use similar "tactics" as ABA.

> Moving along, when the Rowdy 3 enter Todd's apartment, before they even actually use their powers on Dirk, the camera/sounds focuses greatly on how loud and chaotic everything is. Dirk immediately drops to the ground in a fetal position, trying to cover his eyes and ears, and shuts down due to the sensory overload.

> Later, Dorian enters the house pointing his gun at Dirk and and Todd, who questions him as to how they're gonna get out of this. "I'm very good at getting into situations, I have more trouble getting out of them" - I can't count how many times I got myself into a dangerous situation because I didn't notice the clues/atmosphere, or in relationships/social gatherings in general. It's hard parsing out what is and isn't safe, and even harder to get out of it when it finally clicks you're not safe.

> Later Todd and Dirk are having a discussion/fight after the police let's them go, and Todd questions him as to why he isn't more distraught due to what just happened. "I think it might bother me more later, when I'm less... Something" - everything is overwhelming, so it's common for autistic people to take much longer to fully process how we feel/how to react than neurotypicals. We mostly can only fully face/process stressfull situations when we're somewhere safe and quiet.

> Todd starts screaming about everything that is happening, and Dirk gets more overwhelmed by the second. He enters a brief ecolalia loop, going STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP!!

Second episode analysis

@clockworkcheetah @urlocallesbiab @amberangel @generalized-incompetence

[abundantchewtoys]

HS re: p615-625

It was great to see Karkat and Meenah interacting in earnest. It's really something to see them hit it off so well. I suppose the fact that Karkat is now older and a bit grittier has done worlds to Meenah's willingness to let him lead.

Also, as an aside: it's funny that Meenah's Jake handler in the resistance. She gets to boss an English around as cosmic retribution.

Great to get a better look at Karkat's inner turmoil too. Just to get confirmation he's still the same guy at heart. Leaving his mic open during heartfelt confessions is so on brand. It's fitting that that's what endears him to his followers. Seems close to how some of his most embarassing moments as leader of his session were easily forgiven by the other trolls + what ultimately served to help win the session.

I can't shake the feeling that all of the population of Earth C is just a wee bit too eager to follow their pantheon in everything unthinkingly. Devotion on par with carapaces unflinchingly following their royalty into war in the Medium, with a few notable exceptions.

Loving the Metal Gear Solid meets Suicide Squad asthetic that Karkat and his elite squad has going on there. I'm assuming of the trolls in the LOBsTERs, there's one highblood and one lowblood.

Sollux is, funnily enough, the best for Earth C in behaviour. Just minding his own, most of the time. His latest disability wouldn't be at all stopping him from being worshipped, if he at all wished it.

If it weren't for James' newspost, I would have figured the next page could already be a flash, but seems it might have to wait until Jane's army's arrived at the Meteor.

Still not sure what the effect of the Plot Point will be. We've got a few things up in the air.

It's going to make the Candy timeline relevant to the overal plot - which could mean a connection, portal or transportation effect to the Meat timeline. It might be connected to the machine underneath the curtain that Dirk's transporting.

If it's a Sburb game disc set, can you imagine the brawl that could play out over who gets to play? Then again, the way the Candy kids are a set of four, them connecting to Dirk & Rose's players might result in an eight-player session to mirror the B2 merged session.

Wild theory I came up with: what if it's Aradia's version of the Beat Mesa, an other version of the music crystals that Damara used to scratch the A1 session? Aka what if the Candy timeline has to be scratched to validate the Meat timeline as the 'true' timeline? In that case, there's probably a portal for the Candy kids to escape through, too. Assuming the Candy timeline would be erased by a scratch, it's not a session, after all. The only reason B1 Earth got evacuated by the carapacians were the imminent Red Miles - even though he was only out there to send them because he escaped the B1 session as it was being scratched, so, ehhhh.

Also, assuming Candy Universe C gets scratched, would that mean that in their version of Deltritus had Sburb portals opening up across the planet already, too, or not, you think? Probably not due to the effects of the black hole, but it’s fun to think about.

In any case, whatever's there, the implication is that the seed for it got carried over from the A2 session. Meaning Sburb/Sgrub has had this planned for a long, LONG time already.

[harmonyckrs]

Day 10 in Twisted Pleasantview: Long Way to Beau

THE PREVIOUS DAY

NAME: BEAU BROKE

LIFE STAGE: CHILD

STATUS: UNKNOWN

SPECIAL NOTES: Has been missing for approximately six days. The newfound fairy ring might be able to bring him back, but is it safe?

---

Dear Diary,

I had a hard time sleeping last night. I kept having these weird dreams involving fairies and Veronaville, alongside one of Mom and Beau. When I woke up, I noticed a note on Mom's old desk that had a bunch of riddles on it.

I'm not sure who wrote them, but the messy, barely legible scribbles matches Dustin's handwriting. I'm guessing whatever weird force had possessed him wanted to tell me something. It went something like this:

"Red carpets bleeding blue,

A heart that's broken into two.

Be kind to the girl who calls herself heir,

A worse fate for her that you can spare."

I have no clue who tf that's referring to and quite frankly, I don't care. I decided to throw the letter in the trash, before editing my report. It came out really long, so I'll probably need to shorten it later. Later in the day Angela gave me a call apologizing about what happened, and we gossiped a little about Dad before she mentioned rumors of Ms. Broke befriending a fairy.

The good news is that Dustin invited Angela and I to his baby sister's birthday party, so we didn't need a reason to snoop. Dirk was unable to make it because he got sick again, so it was just the three of us. Dustin confirmed that the theories were true, and that the fairy gave them the flower ring if they needed a break from Pleasantview. We tried to get him to give us more information about the fairy, but unfortunately his criminal background made it so that he wasn't a snitch.

Ms. Broke also got a job as a fast food worker, but she did come in time for me to be able to talk to her. She mentioned that the fairy was friendly, but that she was concerned about Dustin's behavior and might try to talk to him about it later. When we asked if we could meet him, she said that we probably wouldn't be able to since fairies are really shy and she didn't want to overwhelm him.

She did, however, tell me about a man who was studying fairies by the name of Cyd Roseland, alongside rumors of someone who recently moved to Pleasantview that successfully befriended three elemental fairies. I have no clue who exactly would do that, but she told me that all she remembered hearing was that person being a "bottle blonde."

The only answer I have to that is Dina. I guess that means that the disappearances are the result of the fairies' wrath that they've decided to unleash on the entire town. If it turns out it's the Goths that did it, I'm going to be so mad.

THE NEXT DAY

[thewebcomicsreview]

Oh wow, Prequel AND Homestuck updated this week? What year is it?

Dehydrated, grieving, and coming off of a particularly nasty sugar high

Sugar high, huh? One of my little theories is that Jane has the lollipop Juju still. Is that a theory? Maybe it was confirmed at some point and is just a thing that happened? I dunno, man, this comic's so long.

JANE: Sigh. JANE: Jake, do you remember when I went to the moon?

Jane's been to like several moons at this point but wait is this in reference to the snapchat epilogues, where Jane was kidnapped by carapcians? Those are actually officially not canon and no longer available, which I supposed makes them appropriate to mention in a story about the nebulous nature of "canon" to stories. Or maybe she's talking about something else.

JAKE: Uuuuuuuuuuuuh. JANE: No? It was a huge deal. JAKE: Was this around the time all those carapacians took a big chunk out of it?

Oh my god, it is referencing the Snapchat epilogues. They ended in a cliffhanger and got deleted, but Jane got kidnapped by someone and sent to the moon, where she met Jack Noir (the one who became Beq Noir) and the Felt who were there for some reason and then the Snapchat comics abruptly stopped and were decanonized so it was never explained.

JANE: Just what did *you* do, besides whimper like a kicked dog, as they took our boy away!? JANE: "TAVVY!" JANE: You can fly, you idiot! JANE: You're such a harmless, dunderheaded fucking nonentity that those seditious connivers would have *let* you tail them! DIRK: (Ouch.) JANE: Everything he has, *I've* provided. JANE: Everything he is, *I've* nurtured! JAKE: (Criminy, bro, she has a death laser.) JAKE: (Like goldfinger.) JANE: Remember how I willed him out of my body, 3 months premature, because I was so excited to see him?

This is Homestuck, so the line about how Jane forced Tavvy to be born early is either a what the fuck random joke like the guy who confessed to Jade he microwaved a hamster, or crucial important foreshadowing that'll pay off in 600 pages. Quite possibly both.

JANE: Across all the iterations of yourself, do you think your children ever felt even a MODICUM of that? JANE: Jade? Terrifying, JANE: I hate even thinking about it. JANE: And I don't doubt for a second that there were more. JANE: How do you imagine they turned out?

Speaking of referencing Other Media, this is an unintentional reference to Grandpa Harley's secret kids from Hiveswap, in particular Joey, who seemed to really hate him and have good reason for doing so. Lot of Expanded Universe references suddenly. It might be that this particular writer has a thing for references, but it might also be setting something up. And earlier update also referenced Pesterquest.

Also, engaging with the text on a non-meta level, yeah, Jake English is top ten worst parents in Homestuck, though he's still beating Jane herself.

Messy Jerry Springer melodrama?! In Candy?! Unprecedented.

JAKE: Gamzee. JAKE: Via some vile cosmic caper or another it is *always* gamzee! JAKE: He found out! JAKE: Started rambling on and on about "how motherfuckin' malicious" it was to see "A dIfFeReNtLy AbLeD bRoThEr MiSsIn' OuT oN tHe NiRvAnA oF tHaT nUtTy MoThErFuCkIn' NeCtAr." DIRK: (Why are you doing the voice?) JAKE: "ThErE's WhOlEsOmE, hOlIsTiC hEaLiNg PrOpErTiEs AlL uP aNd StUfFeD iNtO tHe HaRmOnIoUs UnIoN oF pB aNd J." DIRK: (You don't need to do the voice.) JAKE: "WhAt EvEn Is ThIs SuLtRy BiTcH oF a LiFe WiThOuT a LiTtLe PeAnUt BuTtEr JeLlY tImE?" DIRK: (It'd be so sick if you stopped doing the voice.)

Homestuck characters impersonating each other is always a solid gag.

JAKE: After that, the insane clown started stowing peanuts around the mansion, tricking little tavvy into eating them! JAKE: Poor squirt was thrashing throat-first into anaphylactic shock bi-weekly. JAKE: I epipenned him so many times, i learned needlekind! JAKE: Worried myself as sick as our boy was, just wishing that nutty nightmare would nix. JAKE: Then, wham. JAKE: It did! JAKE: Thank god! JANE: I- JANE: I had no idea. JAKE: Of course you didnt! JAKE: You werent there! JAKE: You might have expelled him into existence with your easy-bake tuna canoe. JAKE: But i kept him alive!

I'm not sure if that's how peanut allergies work, but "easy-bake tuna canoe" sure is a line.

JANE: I didn't even fucking breast feed him! DIRK: (Which is fucking crazy, all things considered.) JANE: I don't... even know what his first word was. JAKE: It was "honk." JANE: Jesus Christ.

This is such a fucking weird family. Also, a very odd attempt at a Jane...redemption arc? I guess it's important to make her more than a Trump analogue, even if there's a worryingly high chance of that reference becoming relevant again soon.

JANE: The rest of you couldn't be trusted! JANE: None of you even bothered to graduate high school! JANE: While you were all being shut-ins, and self-destructing, and fucking... cavorting!!! I was making public appearances. JANE: Somebody had to represent us, so people wouldn't assume the worst! JANE: They waited 5000 years for us, and for what? To see there was no plan, no reason, that none of their gods were really on their side. JANE: I had to become an adult before ANY of you decided to catch up.

I feel like this motivation doesn't really explain the Troll racism. I was kind of hoping that Jane, like Rose, didn't think of Earth C as "real" and was basically just larping as a dictator in their little game, and that's why she helped raise Yiffy. It seems like we're going in the opposite direction? Jane wanted to live up to the status of a God? You can kind of tell this wasn't the original plan for her.

JANE: I even forgave you for Dirk. JAKE: Forgave me for... for being with him? JANE: What? JANE: No, I was always an ally first when it came to that. JANE: What's a... a dalliance between bros, really? DIRK: (Word.)

Everyone in this comic is some kind of lunatic.

JANE: Dirk just never *got* you. JANE: He thought he could figure you out, make all the right moves, and you'd be happy. JANE: But people have to want themselves to be happy. JANE: And the only thing you've ever consistently wanted was to be absolved. JANE: I understand that now. JAKE: ... And? JANE: And I accept you, Jake! JANE: That's why I have confidence our union will endure forever. JANE: You release me of all my doubts. And I can't be disappointed by you. JAKE: Huh...

Jane's....maybe not wrong in her reading of Jake, here. His whole shtick is wanting to be a cool action hero, or at least a respectable dude, and not being able to do so. But Jane's wrong that he can't disappoint her.

JAKE: Do you still need that water tested? JANE: Haha, no. JANE: I drank it all in my hysterics without even noticing. JAKE: And youre okay? JANE: Completely fine! It really was just... water.

This is pretty clearly Thematique™. None of the threats Jane is worried about are ultimately real.

JAKE: Her guard is down... DIRK: And you have a gun. JAKE: I have TWO guns.

I do love, though, that we immediately transition from Jane going "I will love and forgive Jake forever, for I have nothing to truly fear" directly into Jake going "I should shoot my wife".

DIRK: He's gone, dude.

Oh, this is a great reveal. Brain Ghost dirk lowers his glasses so we can see he has Jake-Green eyes, confirming to Jake (and the audience) that this Dirk is a figment of Jake's imagination, and not "connected" to Ultimate Dirk in any way. That's just such a cool way of conveying that information.

DIRK: It'd be the only reasonable excuse you'd have for nipping this uncomfortable epiphany in the bud so you could slink back to following orders from Dirk. JAKE: ... JAKE: Gods hooks, i backflipped right into my old ways! DIRK: Don't beat yourself up about it. It's a running theme with literally everybody we know. DIRK: You all get caught up in these feeling jams, hugging it out in self-realizational bliss. DIRK: Then, bam. DIRK: Premature ejaculation. DIRK: That passionate growth grind ends before it builds to anything actually satisfying.

And Brain Ghost Dirk telling Jake the real hard truth that he needs to stop listening to Dirk and looking for someone to tell him what to do.

DIRK: You're fully dressed Jake now. DIRK: Sitting on the sticky floor of a custodial closet, hidden away from anything certain and good in this world. DIRK: Alone. JAKE: This is scary! I dont like this. DIRK: Fuck yeah it is. This is sweaty, achey, burning transformation, brother. JAKE: I want to go back! I want to be the other guy again. DIRK: You can't be the other guy anymore, Jake. DIRK: We're sending him upstate to live on a beautiful farm, where they're gonna immediately drag him out back and put him out of his fucking misery. DIRK: Remember when you told Egbert you wanted someone to hold you accountable? JAKE: No. DIRK: Well. JAKE: Nooooooo. DIRK: "Here's Johnny!" JAKE: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! JAKE: Oh...

This is very Disco Elysium

JAKE: Cripes, if there really is no magical component to all of this, JAKE: if youre really gone, JAKE: then i am simply a forty year old man... being led by the nose... by an imaginary friend. JAKE: That is not cute. DIRK: It's kind of cute. JAKE: No! JAKE: Its mental illness! DIRK: It can be both.

It's also Homestuck

JAKE: Everyone is waiting around for this better version of me to pop up, but thats never going to happen. JAKE: Because if it did, it wouldn't be me anymore. DIRK: So, are you trapped being Mr. Pissy Pantyloos Loser Man no matter what? JAKE: Sort of.

Jake is defined by being a loser. What happens if he grows? He becomes someone else, same as happens to us all when we change.

JAKE: I never really understood all that much of the "doomed timeline" hoopla you cerebral types tend to gab on about. JAKE: But... its nice to think that there might be countless janes somewhere out there who never stopped being happy. JAKE: Baking, getting up to all manner of lighthearted mischiefs... true blue all around. JAKE: When i think of her, thats whats real to me. JAKE: What she is now, what these rotten unenviable circumstances have made of her, its all just... DIRK: Happenstance. JAKE: Is that stupid? DIRK: Probably, but you're a god of Hope.

Aw, I like that take.

JAKE: If i can believe in those janes, JAKE: i think i can let this one go. DIRK: Extravagant hoops to stumble through just to keep believing, man. DIRK: It's sneaky. I like it.

Even if this is the most cynical take on a hope-based hero I've ever seen.

Oh hey, it's the kids! All together for the first time! I'm shocked this big meeting is happening silently like this while someone else conversation narrates over it.

Fun fact: At no point in the entirely of Homestuck do John, Jade, Rose, and Dave have a conversation with all four of them together.

I was wrong last time, this is the page leading into the promised big flash. There is no longer anything left in Meat or Candy do to but [S] Get to the Point.

[multifandomplushie]

So, before I start talking about my The 7D OC, I think a little context needed: In the episode "The Enchanted Forest Ranger" the character Dirk Dumphrey is introduced as a forest ranger but is later revealed to not be an actual ranger. As it turned out, he was just completing the task given by a group of villains who wanted him to make the 7D leave the forest. The thing is, during the episode he already drops the clue of not being an actual forest ranger by mentioning that he "sometimes goes undercover" ("...I got all kinds of jobs and wear all kinds of hats and wear all kinds of skirts. That’s right, I said all kinds of skirts! It's none of your business! Sometimes I go undercover, sometimes I work as a waitress..."). To me, this is a pretty clear confirmation that all the info about him which he casualy drops during his fast-talk such as him crossdressing for his jobs or him having been in a romantic relationship with an enchanted fish ("...I, well, I fell in love with an enchanted fish once. *chuckle* Can laugh all you want, 'twas deep, was meaningful!") is true. And these two quotes made me come up with a new interesting take on Dirk Dumphrey as a character, create an original character who's in a close relationship with him and a whole story line revolved around them. Without further ado, here's the description of the said OC:

Character Information

Nickname(s): Coral (by close friends), Treasure (by Dirk Dumphrey), Captain (by hired crewmembers)

Alias(es): Bert Brook

Occupation: Sea captain, secret agent

Gender: Female

Species: Human, fish (temporarily)

Hair: Coral

Eyes: Black

Relationships

Romance: Dirk Dumphrey (boyfriend)

Allies: The 7D, Dirk Dumphrey, her crewmembers, Big Bad Wolf (sometimes), Finders Keeper (sometimes)

Enemies: Water Witch (arch enemy), Gingerbread Witch, Snow Witch, Snazzy Shazam, Lord Grudgemunger, Mysterious Squirrel, Big Bad Wolf (sometimes), Finders Keeper (sometimes)

Appearance

Coral wears a light blue short-sleeved shirt collar shirt with a dark blue tie, long dark blue pants with a black belt with a gold buckle and black shoes. Her hair is coral. She doesn't wear make-up. As a fish, she had coral-colored scales.

Personality

Coral is very friendly, free-spirited and brave. She is fond of going on adventures with different people, especially enjoys those out in the sea, though she likes some missions on land as well.

She's a ship captain and a type of person to take charge but she doesn't puts herself above others and treats people around her, including her hired workers, as equals.

Her crew doesn't usually stay the same and she hires different people as her crewmembers (sometimes the previous workers can come again though). It's not because she doesn't want to get attached to people, quite the opposite, in her eyes, it's a way to make as many friends as possible. Besides, after she made a friend on a sea adventure, she can always come to visit them on land when she has a chance.

Despite her pretty spontenious personality, she's able to respect rules (though it mostly emplies to shipping rules). She may ignore rules, regulations and obligations on the grounds that she just had to jump in and help. She's a very loving partner and wouldn't rest until her loved one is safe. She navigates around the sea very well, and her skill became even better after she spend some time being a fish after she was enchanted by a witch.

That's all for now as saying more would give away too much about the story I want to do. Though I already gave enough information to get the idea of where I'm gonna go with the plot.