#do i forget her bame

[c-m-stuff]

Murder

Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

-Description: You and Spencer are together. You were all shocked, as you got accused of murder.

-Warnings: Angst, language, mention of kidnapping, mention of torture

-Word count: 1327

-Note: This one is for the secret santa exchange from @cmgiftexchange to @alluring-andrayav. I really hope this is okay for you. If you like this angsty one, I promise, I have much more angsty ones in my masterlist. Have a merry Christmas!🎄

Masterlist

Y/N POV:

Crazy. This was the craziest thing that ever happened to me. I was just about to leave for work, as the doorbell rang. There stood three officers, looking angrily at me. They accused me of murder. They took me with them, explaining what had happened in the car drive.

Apparently, Milly Bame, got hit on her head and died. There was found a bat, just next to my car. The bat was full of Milly's blood. I was in shock. Someone is trying to frame me. I didn't do anything!

Right now, I was sitting in the interrogation room, at the local police station. The officer, most likely the one who leads this case, came in and took a seat. It was really clear they all hated me here, and believed strongly that I was the unsub.

'I want my team.' I spoke, anger raising my voice.

'They just arrived.'

'Now, tell me agent. Why did you kill her?' he asked, with so much confidence.

'I didn't kill anyone!' I exclaimed, my face serious.

'Well, I believe that's not true. You once killed an officer.'

'That officer happened to be an unsub. He was about to kill one of my team members. Unfortunately, he died in the hospital after.' I defended myself, remembering that once case, I shot the unsub.

'I don't really think, you mind his death.'

'I do! Nobody deserves to die, he deserved to go in prison. Not to die.' I said, still furious, but spoke it out more calmly.

'They still found a bat right next to your car, with blood on it. Blood from Milly Bame. Milly Bame, the wife of Micheal Bame. Micheal, the one who kidnapped you, just a few months ago, and tortured you. You have all the reasons to kill the victim. You have a motive. You wanted revenge, didn't you?'

He then left the room, leaving me behind with my past right in front of me. What he said was true. I got kidnapped and tortured by Micheal Bame. After the team found me, I went to therapy. It helped a little, but you never forget such a traumatic event.

Flashbacks hitting me hard, as I stared blankly at the wall. There was no emotion on my face, but inside, I felt all the pain, the fear, the sadness... back. The images, who are burned into my retina, shot all back through my head.

I didn't even noticed the door opening again. I shot back to reality, as someone shook me gently on my shoulder. I took a moment to fully realize it was Spencer. He just gave me a comforting hug, knowing what it meant, when I stare blankly at the wall.

'I didn't do anything, Spence, I promise.' I spoke, ending the soft hug.

'I know, love, and we're trying our hardest to get you out of here.'

'Hotch wants to talk to you, okay?' I nodded, as he pressed a sweet kiss on my head, before leaving the interrogation room.

Aaron walked in, taking a seat.

'I swear, I didn't do it.' I immediately defended myself again, causing Aaron to nod.

'I believe you, but you know that we can't rule you out as a suspect. We need to have evidence.'

'I know.'

'So, tell me everything that happened.' he ordered, as I began telling.

'Anything else? You know it's important we know everything.' he asked, when I finished the story.

'I don't have anything more to say about it.' I answered, and noticed he was profiling me.

Normally, I would have said something about it, but now, I couldn't blame him. He just couldn't rule me out, just because I work for him. He had to leave all the possible scenarios open. Including, me as unsub.

'And, do you have an alibi?'

'No, I was home alone.'

'Alright, thank you. We're trying our best to figure out who the unsub is.' He spoke, and left soon after.

_________________________

A few hours later:

I was locked up in this little room for so long, I thought, I went insane. From time to time, someone from the team came, and updated me. The last update I got, was that they had a profile. Now, they needed to find the real unsub and proof.

I was walking a little in the interrogation room, as I heard suddenly loud noises. Before I could do anything, the door went open with a swing. My eyes got wide, as I saw the officer, who watched me through the glass, laying on the floor. He was beaten up. I couldn't tell if he was dead or alive.

The person, who opened the door, was a tall, brown haired woman. She had blood on her clothes. She walked in and shut the door immediately.

'Who are you?' I yelled, stepping backwards.

'Doesn't matter.'

'ADMIT IT, SLUT! ADMIT THAT YOU KILLED MILLY BAME!' out of nowhere, she lost her control.

'I DIDN'T!'

She walked closer to me, as she suddenly pressed me against the wall. Fear entered my body, while I screamed for help as loud as I could. She hit me hard on my face, in an attempt to shut my mouth. She then, literally scratched my cheek with her long nails. I could feel it was lighty bleeding.

My team must have heard my screaming, as Derek kicked the door in. He immediately took the bitch off of me, taking her away. Everyone came worriedly towards me, as I took a moment to process what just had happened.

'(Y/N)!' Spencer called my name, concern raising his voice.

'I'm alright, I'm fine.' I assured him, while I went with one hand over my scratch.

As I said, my cheek was a little bleeding. On my fingertips, a little blood on it. It hurts, of course, but it wasn't too bad to really make a point out of it.

'(Y/N), you're cheek is bleeding, you're not fine.' Spencer wrapped me into a soft hug, kissing my head.

'I'm fine, Spence. I promise, it's just a scratch.'

Just then, Derek walked back in, as Spencer and I, ended the hug.

'Are you okay, pretty girl?' he asked, seeing the wound as well.

'I am, don't worry about it.'

'Well, that crazy bitch who just attacked you is the unsub. She just confessed everything. More shocking news, she was the partner of Micheal Bame. That's why she framed you, both hating you. I'm sorry.' Derek explained, as I breathed out a sigh of relief.

'Wait, so I can finally get out of this damn room?' I asked, just to be sure.

They all nodded, as I jumped into Spencer's arms out of happiness. They all chuckled at my reaction, as all their faces went from concern to smiles. Spencer spun me around, before putting me back down.

'Thank you, guys. I don't know what I would do without any of you.' I confessed, making them all smile.

'Let's get out of this damn room.'

_________________________

[pronouncingitwang]

pre-canon Jon/Georgie | 4.3K words | for @the-magnace-archives

1.

“Laundry detergent is practically a self-contained emulsion—not that it has to be a mixture of anything, but it has a hydrophilic and a hydrophobic end,” says Jonathan-Sims-but-I-usually-go-by-Jon-oh-and-it’s-nice-to-meet-you-too, and Georgie grins. She hadn’t expected much when she dragged herself out tonight, prompted more by the vague feeling that she really ought to make some friends this year (apparently, her tutees don’t count, thanks Mum) than any real desire to do so. Then, she’d looked across Balliol Bar to see the student who’d interrupted their Modern-ish Lit prof in lecture yesterday, holding a briefcase in his lap and scowling at his beer as if it too wasn’t planning to analyze Jane Austen through a post-colonialist lens this year. Georgie had headed over as a gesture of BAME Literature student solidarity, and now it’s been an hour and she’s still here, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Jon doesn’t seem to be a fan of eye contact, which gives Georgie plenty of opportunity to observe. None of his initial red flags—being dressed like a professor on TV, for one—have proven to be signs of a deeper rottenness yet. There’s something in Jon’s gestures—abrupt, abortive, like he’s holding himself back—that assures Georgie that he’s not just doing this as an ego boost. This is all to say that the last three hours of banter and infodumping have been wholly pleasant. Probabilistically, it can’t last.

“Do- do you want to go back to mine?” Jon asks, and god does Georgie hates being proven right sometimes. It’s not that Jon’s unattractive, per se—Alex would have called him “hot in a murder victim kind of way” (and the memory of her voice hurts, but less than it would’ve a year ago)—but Georgie had hoped for a little more class. Plus, even if Jon seems harmless and even if Georgie's not scared, she'd rather not run the risk of being called a bitch tonight. She starts scanning for nearest exits.

Something about her silence must’ve clued Jon in because he quickly exclaims, “Not like that! God, sorry, not like that.”

Georgie pauses in her room surveyal. “Oh?”

“Sorry, sorry, I just meant that- that I’d like to keep talking to you, but it’s really loud here and I can’t think of anywhere quieter that’s open right now. I promise. But in retrospect, I can... I can see how that might’ve sounded.”

He looks earnest enough, and a little flushed as well. Georgie wants to—does—believe him. But she takes a second to size Jon up anyway. Between the eyebags, height (or lack thereof), and twig limbs, he looks like someone she could defend herself against if needs be. Also, she kind of does want to learn more about emulsifiers, or just watch him as he talks about them.

“Well, as long as you mean it—” “I do.” “Then, let’s go.”

(Georgie wakes up seven hours later with a crick in her neck and an Oxford sweatshirt she doesn’t own draped over her shoulders. Her hair’s a mess—she hadn’t pineappled it last night, and the back of this chair(? yeah, it’s a chair) is definitely not silk—and the time is… shit. Oh, and there’s Jon, perched on his bed and looking at her.

“You, ah, fell asleep during the ghosts debate? I didn’t know whether or not to wake you.”

“Yeah, I figured,” Georgie says, rolling her neck and wincing. “Sorry for stealing your chair.”

“Tea?” Jon asks, holding out a mug Georgie’s almost certain was just in the godforsaken microwave. Not that she hasn’t done the same thing on many an occasion.

“Sorry,” Georgie says, “I should probably be going; I’m gonna be late for a lecture. But before I leave—do you want to do this again tomorrow?”)

-

2.

Georgie spends some time deliberating over when to pop the question. It’s not fear holding her back; it’s practicality. There’s only a small window of feeling—after “certain she wants this” but before “starting to think losing Jon’s company would require her to take another gap year”—where taking the risk is worth it, and the second stage is coming up much faster than anticipated. (She’s never thought of herself as someone who falls for people fast—she hadn’t even realized her feelings for Alex until it was far too late—but now this. Maybe it’s another side effect of getting a philosophy lesson from a corpse. Or maybe it’s just a Jon thing.) All in all, it’s only been three weeks after their first meeting before she asks.

“Are you seeing anyone else?”

“What?” Jon asks, eyes jolting from his book to scan his room for uninvited apparitions. They’d both been unusually absorbed in their readings for the past hour, only interrupting the silence with scoffs and huhs.

“No, like, are you seeing anyone else romantically?” Jon frowns, and a thread of doubt worms its way into Georgie’s throat. “That is what we’re doing, right?” Granted, lunch meet-ups in the dining hall that spill over into long and unproductive study sessions might not scream “date,” but there’d also been a fair amount of (well, okay, Georgie-initiated) arm-around-the-shoulder action a few times. Also, hand-holding, of the fingers-intertwined variety.

“Oh. Um, yes, we’re romantically involved, or I suppose I should say that I hoped we were and didn’t know how to ask for clarification”—note to self: communicate clearer in future, Georgie thinks—“and no, I’m not seeing anyone else.”

Georgie had thought as much, but the confirmation is nice. “Cool. Me neither. Want to keep doing that?”

“Seeing each other?”

“And not anyone else, yeah.”

“Oh.”

“Maybe even start calling each other girlfriend and boyfriend?”

“Oh. Um.” Jon’s leg starts to bounce, which doesn’t seem like a good sign. Georgie waits.

“It’s not that-” Jon begins, then cuts himself off with a frustrated sigh. “It’s not that I don’t want to, believe me. I just—I have a… ground rule. That you may not be happy about.”

“Just one?”

“What?” Jon looks startled out of his worry for a second, which Georgie counts as a success.

“Well, I mean, if you’re talking about boundaries, I’ve got plenty. Routines that I’d need you to work around, stuff I don’t want to talk about, and if you’re ever even slightly sympathetic to the Tories…”

Jon doesn’t even laugh at the last one, and she knows he’s not a Cameron cocksucker. Something’s really bothering him.

“This one is… a pretty big deal.”

Georgie tries to keep her tone reassuring. “Let me be the judge of that, yeah?”

“Okay,” Jon says, “okay, yeah,” then nods decisively. “I’m… not going to have sex with you.”

What?

Jon continues, hands fluttering nervously as he explains. “I mean, I can’t say for certain that I’ll never change my mind, but if we’re doing this, it should be under the assumption that I won’t. And it’s not—it’s not a you thing, I swear, it’s just the thought of doing that with—with anyone is just…” he shudders slightly, and Georgie gives him a sympathetic wince. “And I know that’s a dealbreaker with a lot of people. I think I’m—well, it’s called asexuality, there’s some books I found if you don’t believe me, here, I’ll write the titles down—” Jon reaches for his briefcase, presumably to find paper and pen, but Georgie grabs his hand before he can.

“Jonathan,” she says. He tightens a little at the sound, and damn if that doesn’t near break her heart. “Jon. I believe you. And”—she squeezes his palm—“I still want to be with you.”

“Are you—are you sure?”

“Completely. Honestly, I’m kind of relieved?” Georgie says, realizing as she replies just how true the words are. “I’m not sure how I feel about sex yet either, really. I’d wondered, each time I’ve been over, if you’d try to… and then you never did, and I was always glad. I’m not like you, I don’t think—the thought doesn’t repulse me, it just… might not be something I’m ready for yet.”

“But you think you’ll want to later?”

Georgie shrugs. “Well, yes and no? People are hot, but even if I changed my mind about sex, I wouldn’t ask you for anything you don’t want to give me, and I doubt I’d be so horny that we’d need to renegotiate our relationship. I’ve been doing just fine dealing with everything single-handedly. Or,” she amends, “sometimes double-handedly.”

And there it is: Jon laughs, a rusty exhale that makes Georgie smile more than anything.

“So…” she whispers, bumping her nose against Jon’s, “Unless my boyfriend has any more objections…”

“Just to—just to clarify. That’s me?”

Despite her best efforts, a giggle escapes Georgie’s throat. “Yes.”

“Well. In that case. He does not.” Jon says. “Oh. Except. Can I kiss you?” he asks, which conveniently answers one of Georgie’s unvoiced questions.

“Absolutely.”

Their lips meet despite Jon’s grin, but only because Georgie’s smiling just as wide as he is.

-

3.

That conversation, it seems, marks the beginning of Jon-initiated physical affection. Georgie had assumed before that his lack of cuddliness was fully a result of touch sensitivity, but it's clear now that although the sensory stuff was a factor, Jon had also been holding himself back, trying to avoid any touch which could be seen as either too clingy or a prelude to sexual activity. Now, on some days, there’s a head leaning against Georgie's shoulder in the dining hall, a leg swung over her lap as they sit on his bed, an arm around her waist when they walk to Modern-ish Lit together. It’s not all effortless—Jon still moves like he half-expects Georgie to bat his hand away, and sometimes Georgie forgets to ask before she touches Jon—but they’re getting there.

Currently, Georgie’s wheeling a shopping cart around Tesco with Jon draped over her back like a very determined lichen. It was Steve-from-down-the-hall’s birthday last night, so Jon and a few of Jon’s acquaintances-turning-friends from a budding local urban exploration group had come over to duck into the party and snag several bottles. Georgie’s more than a little hungover, and Jon is no better for wear—he doesn’t drink, but staying up all night has taken its toll.

Jon’s wearing a sleeveless top that, on second thought, may actually be an old skirt of Georgie’s. Either way, he looks great. Georgie’s in her pajamas, and also, for some reason, a top hat? Between the outfits and Jon’s posture, they’ve gotten a few looks, but being literally fearless does wonders for one’s ability to ignore that stuff. Plus, Georgie knows almost all the employees here. They’ll have her back if needs be. Georgie’s not bothered, not by the other shoppers and not by her barnacle boyfriend—Jon’s not heavy, and he matches her every step, only disentangling himself to add items to the cart. She’s just glad they’ve both stuck around long enough to see each other like this.

In fact, there are a plethora of behaviors Georgie can sort into pre-commitment and/or post-commitment Jon things. She’ll make a Venn diagram once she’s certain her observations are solid. Pre-commitment things that Jon has since dropped include making his bed in the morning and keeping his professorial garb on at home. Things that go into both categories are Jon’s love of debate, the posh accent (though sometimes, after Jon’s just finished up a stilted call to his grandmother, his “of”s sound more like “off”s), and the fact that every time Georgie comes over, he opens the door before she knocks, like he’s been listening for her the whole time. Post-commitment, there’s calling her “George” when he’s sleepy; launching into completely sincere dramatic readings of his assignments to help him think passages through; stimming without looking self-conscious about it; and luckily for Georgie, cooking.

“Pasta tonight?” she asks as Jon squints at two identical-looking tomatoes so hard Georgie thinks they might explode.

“Mm.”

“The one on the left is a bit bigger?”

Jon puts the other one down with a scowl. “Maybe.”

The kitchens in Jon’s building have a stovetop and just enough counter space for prep. Georgie insists on helping this time, so she chops vegetables as Jon gets the noodles going. As the water nears boiling, Jon begins to hum something that Georgie thinks is meant to keep time, tapping his foot to the rhythm.

“Whatcha singing?”

“Oh,” Jon says, foot no longer tapping. “I didn’t notice—that is—it’s just. Something my grandmother sings when she’s cleaning.”

Jon doesn’t talk about his grandmother much, but Georgie can fill in the blanks. Again, she's been in the room for some of their phone conversations, and though she doesn't understand Urdu, she does understand silence. So she doesn’t push, just says, “Well, it sounds nice” and keeps chopping. Jon doesn’t sing, or speak, for the rest of their time in the kitchen.

Georgie’s dad said something once about vulnerability being a mutual exchange, and it’s stuck with her ever since. (Seems even more relevant now, since the no-fear thing means vulnerability doesn’t cost her much anyway.) Five minutes into a very silent dinner, Georgie speaks.

“You know, during first term, on the weekends, I didn’t eat dinner at all. Or any meals, really.”

Jon doesn’t move, but she can tell he’s listening.

“It made sense to eat on weekdays, because I’d always come across a cafeteria on my way to class. But on weekends, it was way too much work to drag myself out of my room, sometimes even out of bed. There didn’t seem to be any reason to. And I always had some rolls on hand that I’d taken from the dining halls earlier that week, so it’s not like I was starving myself. But still. Wasn’t great.” Jon nods, which is enough encouragement for Georgie to finish. “So I guess what I mean is, thank you? For being a good enough reason.”

Georgie takes Jon’s hand, and he squeezes back.

(A few days later, when Georgie’s almost forgotten the incident, Jon pulls the blanket tighter around them and says, “I think I’m going to tell you about my grandmother now, if that’s okay,” and Georgie says, “okay.”)

-

4.

Georgie hasn’t had a bad episode in a long time, but then her dad gets into a car wreck and he’s fine, he’ll be fine, but the bill’s gonna be hell to foot, and Georgie should be calling her English course freshers to see if they or their friends want any more tutoring hours, but instead she hasn’t brushed her teeth in four days and she’s missed her weekly scheduled room cleaning and she has that marked in her calendar for a reason, she has a routine for a reason, but every limb feels heavy and she’d rather stare at the ceiling and wait for it to collapse on her the way it one day will and therefore always has been. She misses Alex. She misses home. She misses being able to move without feeling like she’s dragging her body in a bag behind her.

Jon finds Georgie on what she thinks is a Saturday. He takes a second to scan the room before his eyes alight on the pile of blankets she’s under. “You haven’t been answering my messages,” he says.

The one time Jon had a meltdown in Georgie's presence, he shouted at her to leave, immediately. Georgie thinks she should extend Jon the same chance to escape, never mind that Jon's brain in crisis does better alone and Georgie's doesn't.

“Please go away.”

Jon does go away, but only to the other side of the room—where Georgie had accidentally knocked over her laundry hamper two(? three?) days ago and then stared at it until it felt like her insides had been hollowed out—and starts picking up each item of clothing on the ground, inspecting it, and shoving it back in the basket.

“Is this clean?” Jon asks, holding up a pair of knickers. Under most circumstances, the image would be funny, but as it is, it’s just surreal.

Georgie sighs. “I don’t think there’s a single clean thing in this room.”

“That’s good to know,” Jon says, and then, “Maybe you should get up.”

“Make me,” Georgie says. He does not.

As Jon continues to tidy up the floor, he asks her various bite-sized questions—trying to ground her, she assumes. Where did she get these jeans? What’s that poster on her wall of? Does she need the notes from Thursday? How is she doing? That last one, she elects not to answer.

When Jon’s done with the laundry pile, he asks for a hand to lift the hamper upright again. Georgie considers calling him out on the ruse, but finds that it’s easier to take Jon’s hand as he half-pulls her out of bed. Standing upright makes her a little dizzy, but he holds her still until her vision clears.

But then they go to lift the hamper, and Georgie drops it again and Jon doesn’t catch it fast enough and the clothes go spilling over the floor again, and she screams something at Jon that burns in her throat and Jon blinks and blinks and hardens and yells something back and Georgie wants to throw something or hide or fall asleep but instead she just tells Jon to get the fuck out out of her room.

“Fine,” Jon snaps, and wrenches the door open. He pauses before he takes his first step into the hall. “I’ll be back in an hour, if you want me here then.”

Georgie curls up on the ground and thinks about what Jon breaking up with her would look like and she isn’t scared, just sad, and then she counts prime numbers until she falls asleep again. And then Jon does come back, and Georgie is no less frustrated and Jon is no less hurt, but he’s holding a takeout bag. (Georgie tears through the wrap, and then, upon Jon’s prompting, all of his kebabs too, and he sits there until she’s finished. Once she’s full, she feels a little less heavy.)

-

5.

Georgie practically runs up the stairs to Jon’s room, phone still clutched in hand. “URGENT,” the text had read, and Georgie had felt a sharp curiosity course through her.

When Jon opens the door, he’s practically vibrating. “I figured out a way to get into the Sheldonian after-hours,” he whispers.

“No fucking way,” Georgie whispers back. “Seriously, how? We have to tell the others right fucking now. But how?”

Georgie had recently dragged Jon into her latest obsession—Oxford history—though “dragged” implies that he hadn’t come extremely willingly. She’d wondered if the incident in the medical building would come up, but Jon had quickly turned to fixate on something else. For the last month, Oxford’s main theater has been the subject of most, if not all of their conversation. That's spilled over into their conversations with their urbex friends (read: all their friends), which has then spilled over into their collective ability to engage in academia. Each member of their friend group—going on different days to deflect suspicion—has been on a tour to scope out the surveillance cameras’ blind spots. Plus, they’ve pooled their money to buy a fancy lockpicking kit.

“Well,” Jon says, hands flapping wildly as he looks for his phone, “I was talking to one of the violinists who played there last year, and then there were some blueprints in the Balliol Library—here, I took pictures—and…”

There’s more planning to do, obviously, if the six of them want to achieve their ultimate goal of “don’t get caught, like, seriously.” They practice treading lightly, quiz each other on floor plans, and (at least try to) confine themselves to a strict sleep schedule to keep their reflexes sharp. It’s unbelievably overkill, but such is life.

Then, there’s scheduling, which is difficult because Marie has two big assignments coming up and Steph works night shifts five days a week, but eventually, the expedition is a go.

Two weeks later, Georgie finds herself standing on the wood floor of the Sheldonian Theater, looking up at the barely-moonlit ceiling.

“Wow,” Jon breathes over a chorus of April’s “holy shit!”s.

“Kind of stupid that Truth is white,” Georgie says, but her voice is tinged with as much awe as Jon’s is.

Jon lets out a huff of laughter. “Next time, we can break in and repaint.”

“By stacking like ten ladders on top of each other?”

“Obviously.”

Georgie’s seen the ceiling before on daytime tours, of course she has, but those times, it was always just a painting, no less shiny and solid than the rest of the theater. The fresco she sees now is smudged with shadow, but that only makes it look more real. It depicts a vortex of orange clouds surrounded by scholars and cherubim. The figures curl themselves around the perimeter, simultaneously drawn into and bracing themselves against the storm. In the center of the swirling mass, Truth raises itself up, holding out its glowing hand. Structural support beams run over the mural to hold the ceiling up, sectioning off various parts of the scene. Every figure is drawn in exquisite detail; the shadows of their robes, the strands of their hair. But from down where Georgie stands, the whole thing just looks like an ancient mouth straining against a golden net, ready to consume them both.

“It’s beautiful,” Georgie whispers, and then, because one time doesn’t seem enough, “It’s beautiful!”

“You’re beautiful,” Jon tells the ceiling, though his whisper doesn't carry very far.

“You’re beautiful!” Georgie whisper-shouts at Jon. (Georgie senses, more than hears, an exasperated groan from Nick behind her, but she pays him no mind. She’s earned the right to be this sappy, thank you very much.)

“So are you!” Jon whisper-shouts back.

“I am!”

Most of their friends begin wandering farther off, but Jon and Georgie stay put. The Sheldonian is a flat-floor building. There’s no raised platform that draws the line between stage and audience, just an area with chairs and one without. Whatever secrets the two of them whisper to Truth, it is both call and response.

“Sometimes, I feel so lonely I could scream!”—from Jon.

“I wish I remembered what fear felt like!”—from Georgie.

“I don’t understand poetry and I never will!”

“I don’t know what I’m doing wrong because I don’t know what I’m doing!”

“I wish I’d chosen a different course! I have no idea what to do after graduation!”

“When professors call me Georgina, I feel physically ill!”

“I hate having short hair!”

“I hate having long hair!”

“I wish I’d actually taken my Urdu lessons seriously when I was younger!”

“I don’t feel guilty about quitting all my clubs in first year but I feel like I should!”

“We should be a little quieter!”

“I agree!”

A pause.

“I’m going to fail all my exams!”

“Funny, I’m gonna fail all of mine!”

“I’ll always feel like a disappointment! And I love my girlfriend!” It’s not the first time Jon’s said it, but the words send a thrill through Georgie anyway.

“I stubbed my toe yesterday and it still hurts! And I love my boyfriend!” It is the first time she’s said it. It feels right.

“I’m going to try to get to the balcony without being seen!”

“Good idea!”

“I really do love you,” Jon says again, and begins to move towards the nearest staircase, where Steph and April appear to be arm-wrestling. As Georgie watches his back, she’s suddenly struck by another memory—someone else Georgie loves standing in a building she’s not supposed to be in, taking one of her very last steps away from her. The feeling that rises in Georgie isn’t fear, but it must be the closest thing to it.

“Wait,” she says. (Jon turns around. He really is beautiful.) “I’m coming with you.”

-

+1

It’s third year, which means fast-approaching papers and goodbyes and post-graduation uncertainties, but it also means Georgie and Jon (and Nick and Marie, but they aren’t arriving until tomorrow) are moving in together.

“You’re gonna have to try to hold still,” Georgie says as she attempts to apply a second coat of purple to Jon’s pinky nail.

“I am,” Jon says. “Can’t you tape around it?”

“I don’t know which box the tape’s in,” Georgie says. “And since someone insisted on having his nails done before we began unpacking…”

“New place, new hands,” Jon says. “It just makes sense.”

“It really… doesn’t… but… there! That’s all of them! Now, just- don’t touch anything for the next ten minutes. I’m gonna do mine now.”

“Yes ma’am.” Jon gives a mock salute, and of course, grazes his nails against his hair in the process. “Oh, shit.”

“You’re the worst. I’m stealing all the blankets tonight for revenge.”

“Which blankets did you pack?”

“I thought that was your job?”

“It definitely wasn’t…”

“Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no…”

“What did you say the last time I asked you to check the packing list…?”

“Shut up!"

“No, I don’t think ‘shut up’ was it. I’m pretty sure it was more along the lines of ‘I’m not an idiot, Jon,’ but if you’re sure…”

“We can check if they’re still there after our nails dry, okay?”

“Okay.”

A few minutes pass.

“I think we should get a cat,” Georgie says. “Do you want to get a cat?” and Jon breaks the holding-still rule again by shouting something incomprehensible and flinging his arms around her.

(Later, over takeout and scuffed nails:

“This year will be a good year,” Georgie tells Jon. “I can feel it. And if it’s not, I’ll make it good.”

“I’ll make it good, too,” Jon says, “Or I’ll try to, at least. I promise.”

And Georgie believes him, and Georgie is not afraid.)

[cassieceeart]

Final Concept with MoodBoards....

For my final concept I decided to create a narrative based on the life of a fictional character that experiences racial hatred and discrimination throughout their entire life.

The final concept tells the story of ‘Amoy, a young black girl born to Jamaican parents, Trevor and Doreen. Amoy’s parents originally moved from Jamaica to the Uk (Birmingham) in the late 1960s as they strived for a better life, in the country whose roads were paved in gold. Doreen fell pregnant in September 1974 and would later give birth to little Amoy on April 26th1975.

Amoy was a happy child; her home life was filled with love, joy and laughter. Her parents worked hard and always tried their best to teach their daughter how to always do the right thing in life, even if she felt like the outcome wasn’t fair. They knew of the struggles that existed outside the comfort of their little haven and would spend time trying to prepare their little girl for what was yet to come. Amoy would only really experience the harsh realities of the world when she started school in 1981.

To show specific events in Amoy’s life I decided to split the gallery space into 6 areas; consisting of 5 stages and one visual post (area 6).

The main section (area 1) would host the Benjamin Zephaniah typewriter, which would type the narrative live with a supporting voiceover. Information about the typewriter and its origin would be located just outside the gallery to give it context so that the audience could read about it before they are welcomed in.

The audience would be invited to view 4 key moments in Amoy’s life that represent and ultimately steer the direction and choices she would later make. I decided to capture each moment through collage.

Collage for area 2

Playground setting - The innocence of a child – 1981 (Age 5)

Amoy attends a predominantly white school. Very few kids look like her.

The audience will gather round and view footage of conversations between children based on racial hatred. Examples of content “My mom said I can’t play with you because you don’t look like me”, “My daddy said that all colored people are monkeys”, “My grandad use to own your grandad” etc.……

The screen would then go blank and a projection of a school classroom would take its place. The stage area will light up and the audience will see a school playground setting with a figure of Amoy stood crying. Audio of kids playing and Amoy’s thoughts at that time would play (similar to monologue without the actor).

Collage for area 3

The Den – 1991 (Age 16)

It’s the end of the academic year and Amoy has finally left school with good grades. Her overall opinion of school isn’t great. She always tried her best and always submitted her work on time but unfortunately found that she was having to defend herself constantly as she was consistently singled out for petty reasons. Her teachers didn’t like her but she knew that in order to get through school, she had to keep her head down. This discrimination against her ultimately led to her meeting more kids like herself. They were labelled ‘The colored kids’ aka ‘The trouble makers. The Den is a place where Amoy and her friends would go and hang out when they wanted to forget about the harsh realities of the world. It was a place where they would go to chill and vent and just be themselves.

The audience will gather round and view footage of conversations between Amoy and her peers as they talk about their experiences in and outside of school. The screen will go blank and will be replaced with a projection of nature/trees, so that it looks as though they are in a secret den. The stage area will light up to reveal the inside of the den with a seated figure of Amoy. Audio of her thoughts in that moment will play.

Collage for area 4

The Stephen Laurence Inquiry Protests – 1998 (Age 23)

2 years after Amoy left school came the unfortunate death of teenager Stephen Lawrence in April 1993, who was murdered in a racially motivated attack, whilst waiting for a bus. The black community were absolutely outraged with how the police handled the situation. Amoy and her friends were equally disgusted and disturbed. At this point they are really fed up with the prejudices, discrimination and injustices of the world. They just wanted to be treated equally for once. They decide to travel to London to attend the protests as they seek justice for a fellow peer; and to ultimately see some positive change to police systems.  

The audience will gather round to view footage from the protests. The screen will go blank and will be replaced with a projection of crowds from the protests. The stage area will light up and the audience will see a figure of Amoy protesting. Audio of her thoughts will play in that moment along with the sounds of busy crowds.

Collage for area 5

Case of mistaken identity – 2000 (Age 25)

Its 2 years since the protests, Amoy is out celebrating a friend’s birthday. An altercation breaks out between two females who are not associated with the celebrations, which escalates quickly. The police are called because a member of the public claims to have seen a weapon. Sirens are heard and a loud bang follows.

The audience gather round for the final scene. They view footage of Amoy and her friends celebrating and watch as the altercation between the two unknown females escalate. When the sirens are heard, the crowd of people disperse and that’s when the ‘bang is heard. The screen goes black, then the stage lights slowly come up to reveal a slumped figure of Amoy on the floor. Flashing emergency services lights illuminate the set. Audio of her thoughts and sad music will play as the life drains from her body.

I wanted to get the audience to experience the same emotions many families go through in the BAME community. Too many young lives are lost in unjust ways. Too many BAME lives are lost for unjust reasons. Real positive change can only happen when people wake up and unite. The fight isn’t for war … The fight is for Equality

United we stand,

Divided we fall.  

[justonestepatatime]

I’m angry, and it’s like Giselle in Enchanted when she ends up happy because she recognises for the first time in her life that she feels angry.

It isn’t my first time, but it might be the third I’ve been able to spot for over a decade.

but yes

I am angry. 

Protests matter

But so do the lives lost because people are forgetting about the current crisis. This post is about the UK, to be clear. We were on the verge of making a good(ish) choice, and now suddenly there are minor lifts on the lockdown subsequently followed by mass gatherings. 

Mass gatherings help breed viruses. 

So

Well done.

Well done for forgetting!

Well done for putting all of the BAME people at risk who are already disproportionately affected by the virus. 

Well done for forgetting about the sick and disabled (BAME or otherwise - they’re always forgotten).

Well done for forgetting about the NHS workers (idk the figures, but I have good reason to believe there are many BAME workers in various hospital roles. the workers who have been risking their lives for the past few months deserve better than this).

disclosure: the well done is sarcastic. 

I am angry, because this is both wrong and counterproductive.

[anthonypaulh]

SUNSHINE on A RAINY DAY - The Importance of Vitamin D

For those of us living in the Northern Hemisphere we are all too aware of our long Winters. That miserable time between the end of September and the beginning of April when we are starved of sunshine. All our pictures seem to fade to black and white !

Here in the UK, one of our national pastimes is talking about the weather but I am sure that few people actually know the implications of a lack of sunshine on our health.

It is our reduced supply of vitamin D that is impacted by the lack of sunshine that we get during the Winter months that causes us a problem. It can have potentially dangerous implications for our health.

We can synthesise vitamin D3 in our skin from sunshine and this is our main source of vitamin D. However, in the UK and anywhere in the Northerly latitudes for that matter this is only possible in the summer months (between April and September) during the hours around midday (around 11am-3pm), when sunshine contains sufficient UVB light (290-315 nm). 

During the winter months (October to March), vitamin D can only be obtained from our diet (and supplements), but only a relatively small number of foods contain vitamin D.

So why is Vitamin D important to our health and what problems can it lead to if we do not obtain enough of it ? 

 Vitamin D is needed for maintaining the balance of calcium and phosphorus in the body, It is essential for keeping bones and muscles healthy. Vitamin D has also been investigated for its’ potential role in reducing the risk of diseases, including diabetes, high blood pressure, cardiovascular disease, cancer and Covid-19 and for its’ role in immunity as a whole. But clear evidence is unproven in many of these areas and more research is ongoing.

Vitamin D deficiency can lead to a loss of bone density which can contribute to osteoporosis and broken bones.Severe vitamin D deficiency can also lead to other diseases. In children, it can cause rickets which is a rare disease that causes the bones to become soft and bend. In adults, severe vitamin D deficiency leads to osteomalacia which causes weak bones, bone pain, and muscle weakness.

There are surprisingly few sources of vitamin D in our food and so without the sunshine levels that we get in our Summer months we will almost certainly see our levels  become low during the Winter months, unless we take a supplement.

Good sources of vitamin D from our food are -

Oily fish – such as salmon, sardines, herring and mackerel

Red meat

Liver

Egg yolks

Fortified foods – such as some fat spreads and breakfast cereals. Check the labels !

Without sunshine on our many rainy days we are well advised to take a vitamin D supplement. This is the reason why the UK Government has offered free of charge, a supply of vitamin D supplement tablets to all those of us who are in the clinically extremely vulnerable group during the current Covid-19 pandemic.

For those of us in the clinically extremely vulnerable group it means that because we are spending more of our time indoors (even during the Summer months) we are more likely to be short of vitamin D and this will of course have implications for our overall health.

I take a vitamin D supplement during the Winter and always have done. From October 1st until May 1st I take a 10ug vitamin D supplement tablet. This is certainly supported by Public Health England who recommend a supplement is taken during these months, when vitamin D synthesis in the skin is not possible. 

At risk groups, including people who do not often go outdoors, who reside in an institution such as a care home, or those who normally cover most or all of their skin when outdoors, should take a daily 10 microgram vitamin D supplement throughout the year.

 People with dark skin, including individuals from Black and Minority Ethnic (BAME) groups (e.g. individuals of African, African-Caribbean or South Asian background), should consider taking a vitamin D supplement all year round, as they may not be able to get enough vitamin D from sunlight exposure during spring and summer. 

So there we have it, when there is no sunshine because of our rainy or Winter days, we need to do something to boost our vitamin D levels. Taking a supplement of 10ug per day should be sufficient for most of us during the Winter months. This should make up for the lack of the vital vitamin D we can obtain form the sunshine we might get during the Summer. Eating a sensibly, balanced diet will also help too.

Sunshine on a rainy day ? Well definitely, possibly, maybe but do take a vitamin D supplement just to make sure !

Some useful sources of information on Vitamin D

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/vitamins-and-minerals/vitamin-d/ 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-52371688 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-55108613 

And Finally - RARE DISEASE DAY 2021

Don’t forget to take part in Rare Disease Day February 28th. There are many ways to help spread awareness throughout the month of February and beyond, just check out the following links to see how you can join in -

Rare Disease Day 2021 - 

Links to All You Need to Know 

What is it all about - https://www.rarediseaseday.org/article/what-is-rare-disease-day 

Rare Reach Festival - How to showcase your own story by photo, blog, video - https://www.raredisease.org.uk/news-event/rarereach2021/ 

Rare Disease UK - https://www.raredisease.org.uk 

Rare Disease Day Parliamentary Zoom Meeting February 24th how to register  -

http://eepurl.com/ho7qA5 

Until Next Week

Take care & Stay Safe !

[bcustudentdfp]

Cassie’s Design

Final Concept with MoodBoards….

For my final concept I decided to create a narrative based on the life of a fictional character that experiences racial hatred and discrimination throughout their entire life.

The final concept tells the story of ‘Amoy, a young black girl born to Jamaican parents, Trevor and Doreen. Amoy’s parents originally moved from Jamaica to the Uk (Birmingham) in the late 1960s as they strived for a better life, in the country whose roads were paved in gold. Doreen fell pregnant in September 1974 and would later give birth to little Amoy on April 26th1975.

Amoy was a happy child; her home life was filled with love, joy and laughter. Her parents worked hard and always tried their best to teach their daughter how to always do the right thing in life, even if she felt like the outcome wasn’t fair. They knew of the struggles that existed outside the comfort of their little haven and would spend time trying to prepare their little girl for what was yet to come. Amoy would only really experience the harsh realities of the world when she started school in 1981.

To show specific events in Amoy’s life I decided to split the gallery space into 6 areas; consisting of 5 stages and one visual post (area 6).

The main section (area 1) would host the Benjamin Zephaniah typewriter, which would type the narrative live with a supporting voiceover. Information about the typewriter and its origin would be located just outside the gallery to give it context so that the audience could read about it before they are welcomed in.

The audience would be invited to view 4 key moments in Amoy’s life that represent and ultimately steer the direction and choices she would later make. I decided to capture each moment through collage.

Collage for area 2

Playground setting - The innocence of a child – 1981 (Age 5)

Amoy attends a predominantly white school. Very few kids look like her.

The audience will gather round and view footage of conversations between children based on racial hatred. Examples of content “My mom said I can’t play with you because you don’t look like me”, “My daddy said that all colored people are monkeys”, “My grandad use to own your grandad” etc.……

The screen would then go blank and a projection of a school classroom would take its place. The stage area will light up and the audience will see a school playground setting with a figure of Amoy stood crying. Audio of kids playing and Amoy’s thoughts at that time would play (similar to monologue without the actor).

Collage for area 3

The Den – 1991 (Age 16)

It’s the end of the academic year and Amoy has finally left school with good grades. Her overall opinion of school isn’t great. She always tried her best and always submitted her work on time but unfortunately found that she was having to defend herself constantly as she was consistently singled out for petty reasons. Her teachers didn’t like her but she knew that in order to get through school, she had to keep her head down. This discrimination against her ultimately led to her meeting more kids like herself. They were labelled ‘The colored kids’ aka ‘The trouble makers. The Den is a place where Amoy and her friends would go and hang out when they wanted to forget about the harsh realities of the world. It was a place where they would go to chill and vent and just be themselves.

The audience will gather round and view footage of conversations between Amoy and her peers as they talk about their experiences in and outside of school. The screen will go blank and will be replaced with a projection of nature/trees, so that it looks as though they are in a secret den. The stage area will light up to reveal the inside of the den with a seated figure of Amoy. Audio of her thoughts in that moment will play.

Collage for area 4

The Stephen Laurence Inquiry Protests – 1998 (Age 23)

2 years after Amoy left school came the unfortunate death of teenager Stephen Lawrence in April 1993, who was murdered in a racially motivated attack, whilst waiting for a bus. The black community were absolutely outraged with how the police handled the situation. Amoy and her friends were equally disgusted and disturbed. At this point they are really fed up with the prejudices, discrimination and injustices of the world. They just wanted to be treated equally for once. They decide to travel to London to attend the protests as they seek justice for a fellow peer; and to ultimately see some positive change to police systems.  

The audience will gather round to view footage from the protests. The screen will go blank and will be replaced with a projection of crowds from the protests. The stage area will light up and the audience will see a figure of Amoy protesting. Audio of her thoughts will play in that moment along with the sounds of busy crowds.

Collage for area 5

Case of mistaken identity – 2000 (Age 25)

Its 2 years since the protests, Amoy is out celebrating a friend’s birthday. An altercation breaks out between two females who are not associated with the celebrations, which escalates quickly. The police are called because a member of the public claims to have seen a weapon. Sirens are heard and a loud bang follows.

The audience gather round for the final scene. They view footage of Amoy and her friends celebrating and watch as the altercation between the two unknown females escalate. When the sirens are heard, the crowd of people disperse and that’s when the ‘bang is heard. The screen goes black, then the stage lights slowly come up to reveal a slumped figure of Amoy on the floor. Flashing emergency services lights illuminate the set. Audio of her thoughts and sad music will play as the life drains from her body.

I wanted to get the audience to experience the same emotions many families go through in the BAME community. Too many young lives are lost in unjust ways. Too many BAME lives are lost for unjust reasons. Real positive change can only happen when people wake up and unite. The fight isn’t for war … The fight is for Equality

United we stand,

Divided we fall.  

[dizexplainstheuniverse]

On violence and love.

Last night I got caught in the crossfire of a vicious assault on the 149 bus in Seven Sisters.

Horrifically, this isn’t the first incident of assault on public transport in the past few weeks that has come to my attention. With such a heightened state of anxiety and fear among the general public due to Covid-19, the increase in activity through the Black Lives Matter movement and a great deal of public shaming and peer-policing of our fellow citizens being encouraged through the governments snide tactics to “regulate the situation”, we’re truly living in hauntingly terrifying times, not just here in the UK, but across the globe.

As the conversation between a clearly intoxicated white male aggressor and an elderly black man continued to escalate at the front of the top deck of the bus, my heart began to ache. I sat there, hand on my chest as the chaos spiralled – I sensed the conflict wasn’t going to end well. Even when the white male’s girlfriend tried to calm him down, he began directing threats towards the elderly black male. Disgustingly, his threats were cheered at and fist bumped in admiration by a bunch of young white males at the back of the bus.

I could not believe what I was witnessing.

Whilst I cannot claim outright that what happened next was the result of racist attitudes, but given the circumstances, it’s a crucial factor in this story that I refuse to ignore.

The elderly black male stood up and demanded the white male go downstairs and join his girlfriend. The white male did not appear to take kindly to this suggestion, grabbed him by the throat and threw the first punch. In a desperate scramble to calm the white male down, his girlfriend tried to pull him down the stairs. There were a few flailing elbows and some t-shirts grabbed and then in an explosive rage, the white male launched himself onto the elderly black gentlemen and began repeated pounding his fist into his face.

To my absolute horror, no one did anything. I was the only female on the top deck - clearly I’m not strong enough to break up the fight  - but I panicked and in a knee-jerk reaction leapt towards to white male in a screaming rage, pulled him off the elderly black male by the back of his t-shirt and in the cross-fire, got hit in the face myself. In a state of shock, I fled quickly down the stairs and off the bus. My heart pounded with visions of the elderly black male defencelessly being beaten by the enraged the large, steaming drunk, white male.

I felt sick.

The brawl continued at the top of the bus and as the bus driver, a petite black female, called the police I considered standing in solidarity with her as the other passengers disembarked from the bus but honestly – I was a little too traumatised to function by this point.

Whilst I knew in my core that I was neither big enough nor strong enough to have any sort of impact on being able to diffuse the situation, I do not feel guilt, shame or fear the judgement of what others may think for my intervention in the situation. Yes, I could have come off a lot worse, but truthfully, I believe that taking a stand against violence and not just turning a blind eye sits far more comfortably in my heart.

This incredibly heinous confrontation is a potent reminder that we are living in an incredibly violent world. Not only is it deeply traumatic on a personal level for many of us, but our collective trauma is an enormous weight that sometimes makes daily life a truly painful experience.

This brings perhaps one of the most mighty dilemmas of existence into awareness:

What do you do when you can no longer carry the guilt of averting your gaze from the cruelty in the world, but equally, you cannot bare the pain to look?

It’s moments like this that really highlight for me the importance of the work that I’m currently doing and the duty of care and responsibility that we have as individuals to pay close attention to the part inside of us that respects ourself enough to do what’s necessary to free ourselves, and others, from suffering.

It’s not easy, and it’s certainly not always fun, but it’s the only thing that we can do.

Though I work hard at reminding myself, I am safe in this body, I am powerful, I am loving, I am free to express myself – the truth is, many of us aren’t always safe in our bodies. Most commonly, in female, trans, non-binary or BAME bodies, we are not always safe. We often suffer greatly by the inefficiency and bias of the systems in place that were built to ‘protect’ us.

It’s a cruel reality.

For me, this is where spirituality takes on an integral role. Whilst I have faith in our divinity and connection to the universe, this alone will not keep me safe. If I forget my humanity and live only in faith that we are one and that the universe does indeed have a plan for us all, that everything happens for a reason and therefore, who am I to intervene? Sure, I may live in blissful ignorance, but this would not be a loving way to exist. If I forget my divinity and live only in hyper-vigilance, always on the look out for the next attack, the next person who’s going to come along and take something from me, if I live in fear and resentment that I am always being ‘done to’ in the world, this neither is a very loving way to exist.

This really is a dilemma. If I show no trust, no compassion and no relation to those around me that I walk this earth with, my world is a very cold and empty place to be. But if I show complete trust, compassion and relation to all beings, do I risk pain at the hands of violence? If last night is anything to base my experience on, then yes, perhaps.

However, I believe in the power of transformation, I believe in the power of healing your own wounds, of deeply taking care of yourself, so that you can keep your heart open – even to those who hurt you – and relieve suffering. For if they hurt you when your heart is fully open to receive their pain. The depth of my heart will entirely absorb their suffering into my own. If all I have is love to give, nothing can be taken from me.

Today I realised something incredibly powerful about the depth of our human hearts. After spending time to process the trauma of yesterday’s events, and also processing the re-traumatisation from the triggering that occurred due to my past experience of violence at the hands of drunk men, all that I have in my heart right now is love.

Under the layers of pain and anger at the unfairness and violent state of the world lays grief and a deep sadness aching in my heart. As I penetrate the depths of my heart deeper still, I find a longing for acceptance, belonging and love. It is only love that I need, crave and desire. The same longing that exists in the hearts and souls of every single human being on this planet. Our social conditioning, our formative experiences, our earliest childhood memories, and maybe even continued traumatic experiences in adulthood encase our hearts in layers and layers of thick shame, guilt and judgement until we become nothing but callous and enraged.

I pray only for every single being on this earth to feel the love, acceptance, forgiveness and belonging that I feel. I have only love in my heart for the elderly black male who’s fate I do not yet know. I have only love in my heart for the hyenas at the back of the coaxing the perpetrator. I have only love in my heart for the enraged drunk white male attacker. Whatever their stories are that entangled them at that very moment, I grieve for.

From my soul to theirs, I send only love.

Namaste.

Instagram: @dizexplainstheuniverse | Facebook: /dizexplainstheuniverse

[libtard-blazkowicz]

6 7 8 10 12 32 37 51 58 and all the last 10

DAMN THAT’S A LOT. I’ll do it anyway though. :)

06: How do you want to die? 

I don’t know. I’ll die however I die.

07: What did you last eat? 

Steak dinner yesterday. 😋

08: Played any sports? 

I used to play a bit of Tennis. Not competitively though.

10: When was your last physical fight? 

I think as a kid in summer camp when I was like 10? Idk.

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 

Never. Even if I pull an all nighter, I go to bed at a normal time the next day, or even nap during the day.

32: What is your favourite color? 

Probably black.

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 

Forgive.

51: Favourite food? 

Goddammit. I hate picking favorites. Idk. Borger I guess.

58: Favourite weather? 

Cool temperature, overcast but dry.

60: Do you wanna get married? 

Idk? Like I definitely want to commit to one special person for the rest of my life when I find them. I’m not sure if I like the idea of legally binding two people together. Like we’re in love, we live together, is that not good enough? Also weddings are.. well they can be good. As an autistic, I hate rigid and performative social rituals. Weddings don’t have to be that though. I’d probably still want to get married, just because I’d love to make that sort of commitment, but marriage as it exists presently has many issues.

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 

Sort of? Like I do want to be adored, but I feel like maybe couples should treat eachother like adults and not use infantilizing language? It’s a really sweet gesture though.

62: What makes you happy? 

Laughing, music, blideo bame, friends, romantic daydreaming.

63: Would you change your name? 

Probably not. Alex is a good name.

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 

Yeah. Complicated stuff.

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 

If we’re already best friends, that means we already have chemistry and we relate to one another. Unless I wasn’t physically attracted to them, or they’re “not my type” somehow despite being my best friend, I’d probably be interested and end up liking them back. I’m not talking about any actual best friend. I’m treating this question as a hypothetical.

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 

Nah.

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

A mutual on tumblr. We’re friends and we follow eachother on many platforms though. We talk almost every day.

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 

Maybe her? Idk. I’m not exactly an open book, I very seldom go too deep. She’s also not an open book.

69: Do you believe in soulmates? 

I don’t believe in souls.

70: Is there anyone you would die for?   

Maybe? I can’t think up a scenario where I’d sacrifice myself for anyone right now though.

Anyways, thanks for the anon! Send more asks followers. :D

[filmfanatic82]

The Long Game - Chapter 6: No One Else

AO3 Link (HERE)

Chapter 6: No One Else

“Ow! C’mon, T. I already said I was sorry,” Zack’s voice echoes in the nearby distance, cutting through the silence of the Ely precinct parking lot.

Kim perks up at the sound, pulling herself up off of the ground and dusts off the back of her jeans. She spots Zack and Trini making their way out the front door of the precinct. Zack sports a few noticeable bruises and walks with a slight limp to his left leg. He’s not in the best of shape to say the least, but at least seems to be moving which is a plus.

“Tu idiota de mierda!” Trini slaps Zack in the arm with each and every word she fires off, unable to control her overwhelm sense of anger at him and the situation. “You could’ve gotten yourself killed!”

“But I didn’t.” Zack flashes Trini a cheesy grin, which only infuriates her even further.

“Not the point. Illegal fight club, Zack. Do you know how insanely lucky you are? You’re ass could’ve been heading for lock up right now if it weren’t for…” Trini trails off as she struggles with how to even finish her sentence. Her eyes wander upwards, across the parking lot and lock in on Kim.

Zack suddenly stops walking as he picks up on Trini’s hesitation. His eyes follow her gaze and then--

“Holy fuckin’ fuckballs!” Zack blurts out as his jaw falls open in complete and utter shock.

“Hey,” Kim quietly responds with a subtle wave of her hand, but makes no attempt to move any closer. She knows better. There’s just no predicting what the lengthy, man-child’s reaction is going to be. And, unlike with Trini, Kim can’t guarantee that she’ll be able to restrain herself if Zack throws a punch or two.

Zack remains frozen in his tracks, unable to do much of anything except stare at Kim. He blinks a few times, still completely slacked jawed, as if not fully believing the sight before his eyes.

“Snap out of it,” Trini commands Zack, giving him a jab in the side.

“What the actual fuck?” Zack fires back with an unusual seriousness to his voice, finally breaking out of his trance. He searches Trini’s face for some sort of explanation, but comes up short. Trini’s stoic “I don’t do emotion” mask is firmly in place. “Trini?”

“Not now.”

“You’re fuckin’ with me, right?”

“Not now, Taylor.”

Trini starts to head towards Kim, but Zack grabs hold of her arm, spinning her around to come face to face with him. “Trinity Marie Gomez. What...the...fuck?”

“Zack, I can--”

“Shut up.” Zack snaps in Kim’s direction with a menacing growl.

“She’s the reason you’re standing out here.” Trini wrenches her arm out of Zack’s grip and then gives him a two-handed shove in the chest for good measure. “So calm the fuck down.”

Not even waiting for Zack’s response, Trini continues on down the front steps of the precinct and straight towards Kim. “What’s the plan now, Hart? We can’t all fit on that thing.”

Kim runs her hands through her hair, trying to shake off the underlying tension of the moment. “I already went ahead and ordered you two an uber. It should be here in ten. There’s a decent hotel roughly 20 minutes away from here. Figured you guys could use a hot shower and freshen up before we hit the road again. The reservation is under Hart.”

“What about you?”

“Need to run an errand first.”

“Kim…”

“I’ll be right behind you guys. Promise.” Kim says with a bit of a reassuring smile.

Trini gives a small nod in confirmation and then quickly glances back at Zack, who’s still stationed on the front steps of the precinct, staring down Kim with a harsh venomous hatred.

“So I’m taking it, he’s not a fan of mine?” Kim lets out a light, breathy laugh as she ever so slightly shifts from foot to foot.

Kim’s relationship with Zack had never been the closest of ones. Yes, at one point in time, they had been like family to one another. An irksome yet lovable brother who knew just how to push all of her buttons at the worst possible times. Someone who was supposed to love her unconditionally. No questions asked.

But then Kim went ahead and committed the one, unforgivable offense in the book of Zack… She shattered Trini’s heart into a million pieces.

“Do you bame him?”

Kim shakes her head no, unwilling to open her mouth in fear that if she does, she won’t be able to stop the apologetic truth from flowing out.

A momentary silence falls between the two of them, as they each chose to stare off into the night’s sky, then--

“I’ll deal with Zack,” Trini huffs out with a heavy exhale of breath. “Just be safe, okay?”

“I will.”

And, with that, Kim grabs her helmet out of the side saddle bag and mounts the bike, pausing the briefest of moments to simply watch as Trini walks back over towards Zack. Her hand unconsciously reaches up and touches the outline of the necklace buried beneath the confines of her t-shirt. “Promise.”

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

“Mierda!” Trini’s hips jut upwards in a primal desire for more friction, as her breath rapidly quickens. Her hands frantically gropes around, desperate for something -- anything -- to hold on to. She’s racing towards the edge at a breakneck speed. “Fóllame, Princessa. Fóllame.”

Trini’s words tap into something, deep down within Kimberly’s core, instantly sparking an almost uncontrollable fire. Flames shoot up, licking every inch of her skin as a surge of pure adrenalin rushes through her veins.

There a need… No. More like a hunger. An insatiable hunger that up until this very moment, Kimberly has never felt before. It claws its way upwards, infiltrating her thoughts until nothing else seems to exists. Kimberly needs to go harder. She needs to feel it all.

Kimberly plunges a third finger into Trini, as her lips wrap themselves around Trini’s clit. She momentarily forgets to breathe, as all of her senses are on complete and utter overdrive.

God, how she never wants to stop fucking Trini.

“Ay, Dio… Princessa--” Trini screams out as she plummets over the edge in a blaze of pure, undiluted ecstasy. Her body tenses under Kimberly, limbs uncontrollably spasming.

But Kimberly doesn’t let up. She can’t.

Kimberly continues worshiping every inch of Trini’s body, keeping up the ferocious intensity. She craves more. More of everything that Trini has to offer.

Trini’s body squirms beneath her in a fine mixture of pleasure mixed with pain as she quickly reaches another peak. Her hands grabs hold of the headboard behind her and instantaneously sounds of wood splintering fills the bedroom.

“Kimberly, I… I…”

“Just a little more, baby.” Kimberly moans into Trini as she feels herself begin to teeter on the edge as well. She increases her pace even more, to almost an animalistic level. It’s rough. Beyond rough. But she needs to feed the hunger.

And just when Kimberly feels like she has nothing more to give--

“Mierda!”

Trini grabs onto Kimberly, digging her nails into the flesh of her lower back, as they tumble over the edge together.

Kimberly tries to hold on, but it’s no use. Black dots pepper her vision… Followed by a flood of green. Emerald green.

“Princess?”

It’s gone.

Kimberly slowly removes her hands from Trini and then carefully makes her way up, curling herself into the tiny latina’s open arms. She plants a tender kiss on Trini’s cheek. “That was--”

“Fuckin’ intense,” Trini finishes her thought with a hint of a smirk. She gently pushes a stray, sweaty lock off of Kimberly’s forehead, letting her fingers dance along the contour of her face.

“Yeah. Sorry. I don’t know--”

“Hey. Stop.” Trini pushes herself up a bit to come face to face with Kimberly. “You’ve got nuthin’ to apologize for, Princess. Absolutely, nuthin’, okay?”

Kim nods and can’t help but match Trini’s smile. She nuzzles her head even further into the crux of Trini’s neck and lets out a deep, content sigh of relief. “I love you.”

“Ditto, Princess.”

“No. I mean it like I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone else.”

“You sure about that? Forever’s a long time,” Trini playfully quips as she wraps her arms tighten around Kim’s body, almost as if to confirm that this moment is real.

“Without a doubt.”

“Careful. That’s almost starting to sound like a proposal.”

Kimberly lightly laughs to herself, then--

“Oh, you’ll know when I’m proposing, Gomez.”

“Is that so?”

“Yup.” Kimberly pops the “p” for added effect and then, in a surprise move, rolls herself on top of Trini, pinning the smaller girl down to the bed. “Round two? Or are you too tired?”

Trini counters Kimberly’s move and flips them over, topping Kimberly in the process. A devilish smirk crawls across her lips as she leans in and gives Kimberly a teasing nip right on her pulse point. “Never.”

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

A few hours and a couple of well placed phone calls later, and Kim finds herself wandering down a hallway of the top floor of a random hotel towards the penthouse suite. She’s not sure the exact name of the place. From the intricate patterns on the carpet, Kim guesses that it might be a Starwood, but beyond that, no clue. Not like it even matters. Just another temporary stop along the way.

As Kim gets closer to the penthouse door, though, she slows down at the sound of Trini and Zack talking. Although slightly muffled from the wall, she can hear every word.

“Quit freaking out,” Trini huffs out with a level of familiar annoyance that she only saves for those closest to her. “It’s no big deal.”

“No big deal? What are you smokin’? You just rolled up here with Kim like you two are bffs again or something. Don’t you remember what happened last time we saw her? She almost killed you, T.”

These words send a chill down Kim’s spine as flashes of unwanted past memories pop back into her mind. She takes a sobering deep breath and shuts her eyes for a moment, attempting to shake them away.  

“Fuck, Zack. Of course I remember. I’ve still got the scars.”

“Than why the hell are you actin’ like everything’s all chill and shit? She’s evil.”

“She’s not evil, Zack.”

“You’re tellin’ me she’s magically cured?”

“No, but...”

“But what, T?”

An unsettling silence falls upon the hallway. Kim runs her hands through her hair and lets out a much needed sigh. She’s heard enough. At least for right now.

“Hey. It’s me,” Kim calls out as she knocks on the penthouse suite door.

There’s a brief sound of shuffling on the other side and then the door opens revealing a somewhat flustered looking Trini. A small but noticeable smile crawls across her lips at the sight of Kim.

“You came back,” Trini says as she lets Kim inside the suite, shutting the door behind her and locking every possible lock available.

“I said I would,” Kim responses, matching Trini’s smile. “You guys get a chance to clean up?”

“Yeah. Thanks. You really didn’t have to--”

“Where’d you go?” Zack interrupts Trini. He gets up from the nearby bed and makes his way over towards the two of them, strategically positioning himself slightly in front of Trini in a pseudo protective big brother move.

“Just had to take care of a few things.”

“Like?” Zack presses Kim with a skeptical stare.

“Like getting us new wheels.”

“You got rid of the motorcycle?” Trini asks with a hint of disappointment to her voice.

“Never. It’s stashed it away for the time being.”

“T, doesn’t your girlfriend drive a motorcycle? What was her name again? Laura? Lauren?” Zack pipes up, instantly snapping Trini’s attention away from Kim.

“Her name was Layla and we broke up over two years ago,” Trini responds through gritted teeth. She shoots Zack a death stare, knowing full well what he’s trying to do. “And yes, she drove a Harley.”

“Right. Layla. Cool chick. Too bad things didn’t work out with you two. What happened?”

But Trini doesn’t reply. She instead smacks Zack directing in the gut, causing the boy to instantly double over in pain.

“Ow… Hey. Remember, still recovering here.”

“Quit it.”

“What? Just askin’ a question, that’s all.” Zack straightens himself out a bit and glances over at Kim with a bit of a devilish smirk. He knows exactly what he’s doing.

But Kim is too preoccupied with her own thoughts to even really notice the exchange.

Girlfriend. The singular word slices through her with a surgical like precision. Of course Trini had had a girlfriend. Or maybe even girlfriends. Why wouldn’t she? It has been eight years. It’s crazy to assume that Trini wouldn’t have attempted to move on by now.

Kim takes a moment to force back down the lump of emotions residing in her throat and then--

“We should get going. It’s a good five hours to Angel Grove,” Kim asks as she readjusts her leather jacket and fishes out a set of car keys from her jeans pocket. “You ready?”

Both Zack and Trini give a nod in response.

“Good. I’ll meet you in the parking lot.”

And with that, Kim takes off back out of the penthouse, not wanting to be in that room for single second longer.

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

“Can I ask you a question?” Trini’s voice suddenly cuts through the silence of the car.

They’ve been driving for roughly over two hours, without a single word between the three of them. Granted, Zack had passed out in the backseat shortly after they pulled out of the hotel parking lot, but even still there’s been nothing but deafening silence.

It’s not like Kim hasn’t wanted to say something. God, there’s so much she wants to say… but she simply doesn’t know where to start. So instead, Kim’s just been focusing in on the endless stretch of road in front of them while trying to keep her complete and utter exhaustion at bay.

“You can ask me anything,” Kim quietly responds without missing a beat.

Although still looking at the road, Kim can feel Trini shift her body a bit in the passenger's seat, readjust herself to face Kim.

“Back at the police station. What was that? Mind control?”

“No. It’s more like ESP. Or at least what I think ESP would be like.”

“So you can read minds?”

“Sometimes. Yeah.”

Another silence falls between the two of them as Trini chews on her bottom lip, deep in thought. There’s a hesitation there. Kim doesn’t have to read her mind to sense it. A deep seeded fear of what truths the next question could bring.

“Have you ever--”

“No. Never with you or any of the others,” Kim replies cutting Trini off. She knows that she could dive into more details and try to explain how she didn’t even fully discover this strange skill until well after leaving Angel Grove, but it wouldn’t matter. It’s simply not the right time for an unwanted walk down memory lane. Maybe someday, once they’ve made it through what’s to come, but not today. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah. Of course,” Trini quickly counters, seemingly a bit still distracted by Kim’s answers.

“Layla. She’s the one that taught you to ride?”

Once again silence. The kind that causes Kim’s skin to crawl with instant regret. She knows she shouldn’t have done that. It’s not her place anymore to know every last detail, let alone to freely ask. But her impulsive nature is just too hard to control. Especially when there are emotions in the mix.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have--”

“It’s okay,” Trini exhales with a deep breath of air. “Yeah. She was a die hard Harley enthusiast and pretty much strong armed me into learning.”

“Not a bad skill to have.”

“I can think of a few better ones, but I guess so.” Trini pauses for a brief moment, tucking a few loose strands of her hair behind her ears. “How about you? Pick up any random skills from your exes that I should know?”

“No.”

“No as in no skills or--”

“No exes,” Kim quietly replies in nothing more than a whisper.

“No one?”

“Nope.”

“Not even a one night stand?”

Kim shakes her head and then digs into the collar of her shirt and pulls out the sabertooth tiger necklace.

Trini’s eyes grow wide in stunned disbelief. She ever so carefully reaches over and lets her fingers ghost over the small, yellow pendant, almost too afraid to actually touch it. “I thought I… How?”

“Went back for it. Before I left. Needed something to remind me…” Kim trails off, unable to finish her sentence. She takes a moment to steady her herself and then--

“I meant what I said that day at the lake. Every single word of it. There’ll never be anyone else. At least not for me.”

As Kim finishes her last words, she feels Trini’s hand come to rest against her thigh, giving a small and gentle squeeze. It isn’t much, but it speaks volumes.

Yet another silence falls between Kim and Trini. But unlike the last two, this one is laced with a strange comfort, as if Kim’s revelation has somehow repaired an unspoken long lost connection. One that they both so desperately yearn for.

Kim redirects her attention once again back to the open road as a small smile stretches across her lips.

Maybe… Just maybe there’s hope for them after all.

[jivancreations]

Ideas about panjabi lifestyle

Attitudes to mental health (men)

Suicide: toxic masculinity 

Attitudes to mental health (women) 

Abuse of alcohol 

Abuse of drugs

Drug dealers 

Rani of the household?

Religion vs. Culture

Status quo: there’s a clear ladder you must climb

Singh by image but not Sikh by Nature 

Image: what do we look like? (Physique) 

Our fashion: fulkari to gucci “Are we wearing english or Indian?” 

Racism: towards us and within our own community 

Does caste still exist? J4tt lyf

Concepts of beauty: (women) “orda nain naksh”/”Borhth snakhi” simplicity or highlighter and contour? “Us Indian girls have the best hair and eyebrows” vs. Asian dent in our noses & facial hair

Grooming of Punjabi/sikh girls

Taboo of sexual abuse 

Slut shaming: “sharum haini”

Objectification of women: “Half of you are just going to end up like baby machines right?”

Attitudes to miscarriages / barren women

Is fostering ever an option? 

“No life without wife” pressures men face 

“Why can’t I wear my chumke?”: Jewellery is not only aesthetically pleasing. 

Why do BritPunjabi’s have so much gold? (Gold chains and gold karas on your 18th/21st birthday)

‘When you have a meal with someone that’s an eternal friendship’ Food & hospitality 

BAME in corporate world & positive discrimination 

Extinction of Punjabi Language 

Destruction of the gita and tearing pages of the SGGSJ 

Punjab as a marginalised state? Hindi & English only taught in schools 

Homosexuality: what’s all the fuss about?

Parenting styles

Biba poth: what makes a perfect child? 

Engagement with the arts 

“My son is a doctor” University degrees and auntie’s jealousy

Punjabi/Bhangra societies at university vs. Religious societies: Where are my people at? 

Cultural Appropriation vs. Appreciation 

BritPunjabi vs American/Canadian Punjabi/Desi 

Marriage/arranged/forced 

No sex before marriage 

0 to 100: “Oh one day she’s there doing seva acting naive next week she’s getting married and having a baby the following month”. Secrecy behind relationships and marriage

He’s just a friend mum: Relationships and expectations of boys and girls

Are his roti’s round too?: Inequality between sons and daughters

“When a son is married he has loyalty to his wife, so it’s actually the daughters who are with you all your life”: Role of sons and daughters after marriage, expectation vs. reality 

Mixed religious marriages: have we accepted them yet?

Impact of 9/11 

Our voice when there is a terrorist attack

Impact of Brexit and immigration hate 

Competition and comparison: “What will everyone say? Apa nai karna” Reputation>Happiness and honesty 

World Wars and our true Lions (Response to smethwick vandalism)

Punjabi christmas?

New year: “No alcohol after 12, I’m going Gudwara in the morning” 

Screw the lightbulb and pat the dog: the universal attitude towards Bhangra 

Integration issues: “I don’t understand my neighbour was my best friend and he was a Muslim”. 

“I’m African before I’m Punjabi mate” history of Kenyan Punjabis (Uganda etc…)

Lohri 

Rakhri 

Vaisakhi: Nishan Sahib or the Mela 

“Meat free mondays? These gore don’t know about no meat on Tuesdays and Thursdays”: Attitude to ethical eating, have the west only just woken up?

“Do I try out my Gyms’ Yoga class or watch Baba Ramdev with bibiji?”: fitness and health or even Raj Yoga

Vegan diet vs. Punjabi diet 

Lack of awareness in health issues and the importance to contribute to research (cancer/bone marrow/organs) 

Fitness for Punjabi Boys: “he’s gotta be taller than me and Thakra!” 

Boys and Girls: sport. (Kabbudi/football/cricket/hockey) 

Punjabi chivalry? “Don’t date without the intention of marrying her”. 

Not knowing what to do at religious occasions: Coconuts at Akhand Paths 

Putting £21 £31 £41 £51 in cards: Gift giving

Boliyaan and Ladies Sangeet a rare art form: bibiji’s are the masters of Cyphers and freestyles

Our connection to Hip hop and grime: voices of the forgotten or oppressed 

Mist - Karlas Back: hold tight all my apnas, karlas, gouras all of that yeah?: Hold tight Steel Banglez 

“Pooaji what’s partition?”: Never forget partition, it will always repeat 

Sheer and sheerni attitude: the stillness of our elders and ability to show no pain only optimism 

“Rangla Punjab mera Kala horgiya” The beauty of our land is destroyed by lack of interest and respect. Discuss 

Tensions of the Wagah border: why is this important to me? 

Jallianwala bagh so?

Long lost Peshawar and Lahore: “wake up, half of us were from there”

“You guys are always so generous and honest” The hidden motives of a punjabi businessman

Bhagat Singh: Thank you 

“Do we have a duty to preserve our culture? Or is it time to remove the borders and see everyone as one human race?”

Do the Diaspora have a duty to improve our motherland?

Importance of getting involved in politics?

[cryptswahili]

How to succeed in tech: StateZero Labs’ Tazz Gault and Katie Mills share their tips

A research study by The National Center for Women & Information Technology showed that “gender diversity has specific benefits in technology settings,” which could explain why tech companies have started to invest in initiatives that aim to boost the number of female applicants, recruit them in a more effective way, retain them for longer, and give them the opportunity to advance. But is it enough?

Last year, we launched a diversity series aimed at bringing the most inspirational and powerful women in the tech scene to your attention. Today, we’d like you to meet Tazz Gault and Katie Mills, directors and co-founders at StateZero Labs

Tazz Gault, director and co-founder at StateZero Labs

Tazz has spent the majority of her career in brand, strategy and marketing across multiple verticals for corporates and SMEs, including adtech, law, finance, e-commerce and design. She also led the European rollout of Martech accelerator, Collider. Previously establishing her own publishing business, she’s since been on the founding team of 3 startups, primarily focused on market entry strategy. Tazz has now mentored well over 200 startups, primarily in blockchain, AI, adtech, finance, tech-for-good and government. Originally a journalist, she’s now a regular speaker in the tech world, seen at VivaTech, General Assembly, The Business Funding Show and The Corporate Startup Summit. As Co-Founder of StateZero Labs, she’s at the forefront of blockchain technology, challenging its use cases and putting founders first.

What got you interested in technology?

Technology for me has always been about community; about shaping connections and making a difference in society. I’ve always been driven by people and saw a huge opportunity to help shape the impact of technology whilst remaining true to our humanistic needs. Once I realised the need for humanity to still thrive within technology – after all, we still buy from and sell to humans – it was a clear choice for me.

My background is really diverse, and I guess quite unusual for someone now working in tech. In fact, I’m a huge advocate for educating the industry on what’s ‘needed’ to be involved in this space. It’s not just ‘women in STEM’ we’re after – it’s incredible minds that can help craft the impact technology will have on industries for the better.

Growing up, I didn’t sit still and knew what I wanted from a career at a young age. That meant at any available opportunity I was working, creating or building something; I founded my first profit-making business at 18, freelanced my whole way through university, and spent my final year working full time in London, whilst writing my dissertation on my two-hour train commute and getting my degree. It was a huge obstacle for me to learn to accept my age, and to be proud of the fact I’m young but have worked hard to be where I am now.

I learnt quickly to adapt my skills to new environments, which is why I’ve gone from working as a journalist to being on the founding team of three startups, to helping and supporting hundreds of startups in their growth strategy and scale, to founding StateZero with my incredible co-founder Katie.

Did someone ever try to stop you from learning and advancing in your professional life?

I’ve had plenty of the classic experiences, but haven’t we all? I’ve heard the “can’t have a pay rise because you’re younger than other team members”, and I’ve heard the “here’s a new job title to keep you quiet, but we’re not going to give you any training, support or extra pay for the new workload you’re taking on”. I’ve never let it shape me, and I’ve never let it hold me back. It’s only encouraged me to push harder.

A day in Tazz’s life

I am co-founder and director of StateZero Labs, focused primarily on our strategy, brand and marketing. We’re a blockchain lab for startups utilising the technology for enterprise, offering up free cash, community, office space and a bespoke three-month business programme. My co-founder, Katie, is the machine behind all of our operations and programme work.

Of course, no day is ever the same, but is often taken up with planning and executing ideas around the next steps we’ll take as a business. I’m driven by the vision, mission and purpose we’ve created as a brand, and use that to help craft ideas around wellness, inclusion and go-to-market strategy, for both us as a brand and our startups.

We’ve got two key teams in our business – Programme and Marketing – and we all work closely together.

My diverse range of previous experiences allows me to make informed decisions at StateZero Labs. I used to put pressure on myself to conform to what I thought I needed to do and be, through a fear or people questioning my ability. I now realise how lucky I am to be in this industry with such a different professional background, and absolutely love learning from others’ equally diverse experiences. If it wasn’t for that, I wouldn’t have had the drive or confidence to found StateZero with Katie, which is definitely the thing I’m most proud of.

Why aren’t there more women in tech?

I would absolutely love to see more women in tech – of course I would. But, I do think we actually have a wider issue at play here for diversity and inclusion as a whole. Why aren’t there more BAME entrepreneurs, or why do we forget the conversation around age-inclusion?

What advice would you give to women who want a tech career? 

The advice I would give to a woman would be the same as what I would say to a man: you do not need to conform, you just need to be.

Women in STEM

We need men and women in any conversation for change to happen, for diversity in opinion, in mindset and in skills. If more women worked in STEM, just like any other underrepresented group, that’s exactly what we’d see.

  Katie Mills, director and co-founder at StateZero Labs

Katie has spent the past 7 years in the startup ecosystem across the UK, Europe and LatAm. With over 5 years of experience running accelerators across multiple tech verticals including the well-known cybersecurity lab, Cylon, her expertise lie in operations, logistics and business strategy. She has also been a huge champion in changing the status quo when it comes to collaborations between startups and corporates.

She’s been part of over 70 investments into early stage tech companies, with many going on to raise 6 and 7 figure sums, and has worked within a number of industries including government bodies, financial institutions and security. As Co-Founder of StateZero Labs, she’s at the forefront of blockchain technology, challenging its use cases and putting founders first.

What got you interested in technology?

In all honesty, I wasn’t really interested in tech at a young age. My interest came after I left university and I started to work with government and early-stage tech companies in developing countries. For me, the real interest came when I saw how tech can have a real impact on the developing world and how it helped change people’s lives for the better. That’s when I decided that I wanted to be in the tech industry permanently.

I came from a pretty average middle-class family. I was the first to go to University in my family where I studied languages. Like most people in the early stage tech scene, I fell into it after university. My language skills opened up doors abroad which then led to me to working in tech innovations and policy for government in multiple countries in South America. From that point on, all my opportunities came from my network.

Once I left South America and came back to London, I went to a large corporate to set up their in-house innovation strategy and team, seeing innovation from the other side of the fence. After that, I went to the world renowned cyber security accelerator, CyLon, where I was Programme Director and worked with some of the most exciting startups in the cyber world. I was seeing blockchain start to come through due to its security properties and became fascinated by the tech and its potential.

Once I met Tazz, she had also come across blockchain in the adtech/martech space and we decided we wanted to provide a proper platform for early-stage B2B businesses to really harness the potential of blockchain technology, hence the start of StateZero.

Of course, my family have always been my biggest support system and will continue to always be there when I need them.

A day in Katie’s life

So I am currently co-founder of StateZero Labs. We are a dedicated lab for B2B blockchain applications. We provide capital, connections and community to help create the best environment for founders to thrive and businesses to succeed. My role is focused on the business programme we provide to the startups for the 3 months they are with us, and continuing to develop our investor and general community outreach. As well as this I focus on the overall strategy of the business alongside my co-founder Tazz.

Starting StateZero is definitely what I’m most proud of. It’s great that when I speak to the entrepreneurs and founders we support, I can now genuinely speak from a place of understanding having gone the process myself. No-one can ever quite prepare you for the ups and downs of starting your own business.

Why aren’t there more women in tech?

I believe this issue stems from an education level. Coding and general entrepreneurship should be a fundamental part of our academic curriculum. This would then develop skills at a much younger age and provide the knowledge and support that is needed to start young girls thinking about careers in tech. I also believe we need to amplify the discourse around diversity and inclusion in the tech industry, to provide platforms that showcase exceptional talent within the industry, and highlight when individuals are excelling, including women! This would help to promote women in tech, and provide role models for younger women.

It’s great that the discussion around diversity is gaining momentum, however; women have only been in the working environment for the last century and the issue around inequality has been ingrained in society for thousands of years – women have always taken the role of homemaker rather than breadwinner. With this is mind, achieving true diversity and equality in industry is going to take far longer than one century. We have started to move the needle on the discussion but we still have a long way to go before we see a truly equal and diverse workplace.

What advice would you give to women who want a tech career? 

Learn how to harness the skills you gain in everything you do and use those to your advantage. And remember NO just stands for ‘next opportunity’.

Women in STEM

It’s not just about more women in STEM, it’s about proper diversity and inclusivity. If we had that it would undoubtedly lead to further innovations, as with different backgrounds, ethnicities and gender comes a variety of different takes on solutions for both business and world problems.

  Don’t miss our Women in Tech profiles:

“Technology reflects the people who make it”

“In the right company, working in tech is a great career”

Why women fall out of the tech pipeline

Breaking the mold: ‘It’s not that you’re good — it’s that you’re female’

How to avoid the culture of male programmers

Creating an equal playing field is about more than just teaching someone coding skills

The more women you see in STEM, the less intimidating it is for others to join

The tech industry tends to lose women along the way. Change is underway

How to get (and stay) into the tech industry: Tips & tricks for women

Transitioning into a tech career? Silicon Valley culture is one of the biggest initial obstacles

Abby Kearns: “Diversity ensures continuous innovation”

“In technology, you become a lifelong learner — More women should embrace this career”

Cultural impact is not driven by gender, but by diversity

Everyday superheroes: “I don’t have a role model, my career was based on my mistakes”

Diversity talk: For tech, it’s less about a pipeline problem and more of a marketing problem

Diversity talk: It’s important to receive support from tech communities

Everyday superheroes: Women just need to see more of us — techie women

Anyone who wants to learn and grow won’t continue in an industry that tells them they are stupid

There is too much allowance for tolerating toxic people in tech

Coding myths and how finding communities like Hear Me Code helps you learn best

3 strategies to try out if you want to support women in tech

Young women carry less career gender bias and more media influence

Women are often pigeonholed into “soft skill” roles and pushed away from engineering

Diversity talk: Many women suffer from the impostor syndrome

How to succeed in tech: Shutterstock’s Rashi Khurana gives her tips

Diversity talk: Using lingo is making tech sound harder than it really is

Diversity talk: “We can’t expect men to hand us equality on a silver platter”

How to succeed in tech: Agnès Crepet gives her tips

“Many people still need to be taught that diversity is more than just a trend”

“Many companies lack the infrastructure & career growth opportunities to support female employees”

“Diverse teams can help prevent unhealthy competition that occurs sometimes in male-dominated teams”

How to succeed in tech: Testlio’s Kristel Kruustük shares her tips

“As the tech field becomes cloud-based, the flexibility and remote work culture will grow”

How to win the diversity battle: Tips from Atlassian’s Molly Hellerman

Diversity talk: “Women should not be herded into a career to meet quotas”

“The tech industry can move even faster by increasing the diversity of talent”

Diversity talk: Even if your team is not very diverse, what matters is that they value you

Diversity talk: Exec reveals her secret to success — Always be curious

How to win the diversity battle: Tips from GitLab’s Barbie Brewer

Diversity talk: Tips from Lisk’s Gina Contrino on how to succeed in tech

“The combination of tech IQ and people EQ can set you apart in the tech world”

“Mentorship, acceptance, and trust are really important in fostering gender diversity in the workplace”

The tech industry is not solely responsible for pushing gender diversity

“There isn’t enough clarity on what it means to work in tech and to be a woman in tech”

Diversity talk: Exec reveals her secret to success — Become comfortable with change

Diversity in the AI world & how imposter syndrome is vital!

“Even if women decide to work as developers because they are passionate and qualified, they are sometimes treated like diversity hires”

“We need fewer WiT luncheons and more women coding & deploying projects side by side with men”

Diversity talk: How to overcome challenges in the workplace

“We need to increase the awareness of the benefits and challenges of diversity”

Diversity talk: The biggest obstacle we currently face is the idea that equality is here already

How to succeed in tech: “Go ahead and do it. This is a great option for women”

“I think the topic of diversity is viewed very narrowly to only mean race or gender”

Breaking the mold: “Women are not solely responsible for solving the diversity challenge”

How to succeed in tech: Katerina Skroumpelou gives her tips

How to get (and stay) into the tech industry: Ana Cidre shares her tips & tricks

Diversity talk: “We need to ditch the idea that women don’t love their careers as much as men do”

How to succeed in tech: Samantha Quiñones gives her tips

Diversity talk: People who act as gatekeepers in the tech community are part of the problem

How to succeed in tech: Tzofia Shiftan shares her tips

Diversity talk: “Tech is one of the most flexible and evolving industries that can work in women’s favor”

Diversity talk: “If you want to advance, make it known and be persistent. You’ll need a thick skin”

How to get (and stay) into the tech industry: Sherry List shares her tips & tricks

How to win the diversity battle: “Well behaved women rarely make history”

Diversity talk: “When dealing with challenges, it is not a time to be depressed or let self-doubt engulf you”

How to win the diversity battle: “The tech industry is not as bad as it sounds”

How to succeed in tech: Áine Mulloy gives her tips

“Having more women in management roles can and will create a safe place for other women to flourish”

“The number of women in tech is increasing but the growth path for them is not very lucrative”

How to succeed in tech: Sauce Labs’ Pamela Prosperi gives her tips

Diversity talk: Not everyone wants to be a ‘pioneer’ and be the ‘first female developer’ or ‘first female VP’

How to succeed in tech: CloudBees’ Isabel Muñoz Vilacides shares her tips & tricks

Diversity talk: “You need to take accountability for your own success”

The post How to succeed in tech: StateZero Labs’ Tazz Gault and Katie Mills share their tips appeared first on JAXenter.

[Telegram Channel | Original Article ]

[oceanfluidity]

17.08.18

It's been 3 months since mama transcended. On most days I'm okay, doing well and seem to figure out where I'm going. On other days I feel empty and the path seems unclear. I miss her dearly, particularly days when she was at her strongest and she would tell me "everything is going to fine Atho, all that you want you will receive". I miss her voice when she said she loves me, she said that a lot in the past year as though engraving it deep within me so I may never forget. I try by all means to remember the days when she was healthy and full of life although her last days of agony haunt me and the memory of her pain still has legs that walk around my mind like they belong.

I realise my soul broke way before her passing, as she fell more & more ill I broke further with her. Now I'm here mending the pieces, tryin'a take back some which don't seem to wanna return. Guess what's left is to rebuild new pieces that'll fit my soul now. It ain't easy but I'm doing it, may the Angels be with me always on this journey of spiritual awakening. I need all the strength and wisdom badimo bame.

Namaste

[i-am-very-very-tired]

VioletGatesy Hannah Gold 12/25/17 6:53pm I am done with calling out the actresses on this shit. Call out the magazine, the conglomerate who owns the magazine, etc. This is not her fault. We’re playing games with women who want to help because they arent 100% perfect meanwhile people are getting away with rampant discrimination, assault etc. WhoopingCough Hannah Gold 12/25/17 7:21pm How is this story about Chastain when front and center is a Woody Allen collaborator who professes not to care about his molestation charges, only his art? LooseSeals WhoopingCough 12/25/17 7:36pm My guess is that Kate has been called out before, she gave a wimpy answer, think pieces were written, nothing changed and that was that. If you ask her again, the only thing that will change is the minor word choices in her response. That’s it. You’re not wrong though. Mortal Dictata WhoopingCough 12/25/17 7:36pm There’s been a number of articles regarding Winslet’s double standards already as I recall. Mortal Dictata Hannah Gold 12/25/17 6:29pm See I’m catching up on the Christmas special of Who right now and reading this all I can see is the same excuses tokenism of Moffat. She’s been rightly called out for being ignorant or uncaring of what happened and instead of putting her hands up and going my bad is instead trying to go “I’m also shocked by this non-diversity” as though she had no agency before really badly trying to move the conversation to one where she’s the leading progressive icon again. It reminds me of Moffat’s many times he tried to dodge around not casting BAME people in any roles for years and also not casting a female Doctor yet not only recently blamed Brexit for that latter part (because I forgot Brexit was about Sci-Fi TV broadcasting) but still tries to place himself as progressive because he clearly must’ve laid the groundwork for it but just couldn’t get round to bothering to actually do any of it. In both cases it’s the sheer unwillingness to take any responsibility for their own decisions because it doesn’t fit their “progressive hero” narrative that’s the telling nature of them as people. WolvenSheepsclothing Mortal Dictata 12/25/17 7:07pm I agree with you, but I think it’s a ridiculous situation. Actresses don’t really have any control over which actresses are cast in films, or which actresses wind up on the covers of magazines. Yet every white actress is being called upon to not just care about fighting racism, not just speak to it, but actively do so. With what power? Why are we calling on some of the few women who have actually managed to get a seat at the table to use that seat in ways likely to damage their careers, like opting not to be featured on a magazine spread? Why not urge these women to take on roles as directors and producers, so they actually have more power? And in the meantime, leave them alone. It’s not their job to fight racism as individuals and somehow cause great and lasting change quickly enough for it to be made evident. She’s doing way more than most white women. It’s horrific and hypocritical to call out the few white women actually trying to fight and challenge racism for not being perfect. They’re not perfect. Stipulated. Mortal Dictata WolvenSheepsclothing 12/25/17 7:14pm This is an actress who has repeatedly pushed in career damaging ways on gender issues (the linked interview sees her talk up how she asks those career damaging questions that need to be asked) but now, the moment it potentially shows up a blindspot of her own, instead of stepping up to the plate again and even taking any semblance of responsibility instead chose to avoid any awkward questions and ignore her own part in it. In this situation does the magazine deserve the majority of the flak, most definitely. But Chastain doesn’t get the ability to act like she’s completely powerless or without agency either. If you’re going to stand on the hill of equality for women as a whole then that means you’re going to have to take criticism when your own actions forget that BAME women exist too.

[josephquinn]

Christianah Babajide vs series

I would like to extend a massive thanks to Christianah Babajide for being the first person to sign up for the Law Student vs Series! I hope aspiring (and current) law students are able to see the value and commitment in Christianah’s approach to law school and her career.

If you would like to ask Christianah any further questions then feel free to get in touch through her LinkedIn profile.

Tell us a little bit about yourself

My name is Christianah Babajide, I am studying my LLB degree in the City.

Born and bred in London, I live in Essex with my medium-sized family consisting of my Nigerian-born parents and two elder siblings. I don’t own any pets, unfortunately (my mum isn’t keen!), however I am dedicated to getting myself a puppy once I get my own place. English is my first language but I also speak my mother tongue which is Yoruba.

Outside law, I enjoy watching crime documentaries, reading non-fiction novels and playing piano in my spare time.

What made you decide to study law?

Law is one of the world’s traditional reputable professions and the subject has always fascinated me. I was intrigued by developments in the law and the way that it adapted to our organic society.

As a determined and studious individual, I felt I would be suited to a law degree as I am at my best when challenged, relish the opportunity of lateral thinking and how the English Legal System operates in our democratic society.

Upon studying Law, I have been equipped with a variety of skills such as critical analysis, research, a wider vocabulary, synthesis of complex ideas and developed meticulous attention to detail. These skills are highly transferable to a number of other industries and sectors, commercial or otherwise.

Are you happy with your decision to study law?What has been the most enjoyable part so far?

There doesn’t come a day where I regret my decision to study law, maybe right now when I’m studying for exams and realise just how much case law there is to be memorised for Land Law, but this feeling is fleeting. I think a law degree is perfect for those who want a career in the legal field and perfect for those who don’t want to practice law; the degree is versatile to any career path.

The most enjoyable part of my law degree hasn’t been academic I’m afraid but more so during mini-pupillages, internships and work experience at the Old Bailey and silver circle firms. I much enjoy meeting legal professionals in different fields, watching their advocate styles in action and witnessing first-hand how the law unravels in the courtroom or being present during a M&A transaction is very exciting!

In addition, I have enjoyed my student life experience at university; I have had the chance to get involved in extracurricular activities, run for positions on  the executive committee of the law society, attend career events at magic-circle firms and contribute content to online legal publications. Being able to attend the (LawCareers.Net) National Student Law Awards was quite exciting – I had the chance to network with other law students from around the world.

These experiences have not only provided me with invaluable skills beyond my academic degree but it has also offered me the opportunity to network with legal professionals and gain valuable contacts that I am sure will be useful soon.

We all hate something about law school! What don’t you like about it?

I don’t particularly hate anything about law school but if I had to pick it would be how expensive law books actually are. A law degree is a very expensive investment with the average law book costing about £40!

What else have you been doing during university?

University offers a wealth of opportunities ranging from volunteering, part-time work, internships, work experience, paid student work.

I have been lucky to have taken part in some of these opportunities such as volunteering at the Personal Support Unit; offering emotional and practical support to litigants-in-person. I have worked as a Senior Student Ambassador via Unitemps, which gives me the chance to represent my university and exposed me to a plethora of jobs and experienced professionals. on and off campus. I have also undertaken a few clerkships at firms and barrister’s chambers which have revealed the practical side of law and has fuelled my determination to excel in my academics.

Additionally, I was also on the City University of London Law Society Committee as a First-Year Representative, Secretary and Communications Officer – truly fulfilling roles!

Where do you want to work when you graduate?

I am weary of name-dropping law firms and barrister’s chambers because I am still unsure whether I want to pursue the route of a solicitor or a barrister. I am also unsure which area of law I wish to practice in however upon undertaking clerkships in different areas of law, I have come to find Commercial Law, Criminal Law, Medical Negligence, Civil Rights and Family Law interesting.

Ideally, as an ambitious individual, I would like to work for a well-reputable firm/chambers in a diverse workplace that is intellectually stimulating, has good values, encourages creativity and gives me the opportunity to climb up the career ladder.

If you had one piece of advice for other students, what would that be?

My advice for other students would be to put yourself out there, speak to your tutors, your lecturers, utilise your university’s career service and most importantly your peers. Step outside your comfort zone by getting involved in extracurricular activities, running for a position on an executive committee and doing some volunteering.

A lot of students at the university are shy to get involved but soon realise these activities are quite rewarding. For example, you get the chance to meet different calibre of people and make some friends.

My second piece of advice is there is also a lot of reading to be done in a law degree so try to keep on top of it. But most importantly, don’t forget to have fun and make some memories – you only attend university once so make the most of it.

Any final words?

Persevere.

A lot of BAME students are deterred with the genetic makeup of the legal profession and the elitist structures. Don’t be put off if you don’t see anyone that looks like you or represents you, instead think of how you can make yourself stand out in such a competitive field.

Besides, if the legal sector appears to lack diversity, it’s more reason for you to go into the field and break through the glass ceiling.

Christianah Babajide

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Christianah Babajide vs series published first on http://personalinjuryattorneyphiladelphia.blogspot.com/