#do you know what it's like to live here?? we are dying in emergency rooms because we don't have doctors

[theiceandbones]

If it's not a hurricane it's a noreaster and if it isnt a noreaster it's a wildfire and if it isnt a wildfire it's a carbon tax and if it isnt a carbon tax it's apocalyptic thunder and flash flooding after having rained for a month straight so why anyone would want to live in, to relocate to Nova Scotia is absolutely beyond me

[wzrd-wheezes]

Not Half Bad - Marauders x Reader

AN - I'm a few minutes early but happy valentine's day, my loves. I wanted to post something that wasn't crazy romantic because I know today can be pretty lonely. So, enjoy some platonic marauders x reader fluff. This is my first time writing anything like this so please let me know what you think. 1.7k words.

Y/N startled awake, her head throbbing and her eyes swollen from tears. She groaned softly, feeling the weight of exhaustion as she rubbed her face, trying to shake off the remnants of sleep. Then, the unmistakable sound echoed through her apartment again.

Bang, bang, bang. 

With a resigned sigh, Y/N muttered curses under her breath before she shuffled towards the front door. The harsh hallway light made her squint as she opened the door, taking a moment to register the trio standing before her. 

“Come on, you. Out of the way, we’ve got some serious work to do!” James declared, gently nudging Y/N aside to enter her apartment, with Remus and Sirius following close behind. 

“What the hell are you doing? It’s practically the crack of dawn!” She exclaimed; her voice still thick with sleep. 

“Oh, yeah? And you’d know what time of day it was, would you?” Sirius teased, theatrically throwing open her curtains, allowing light to flood into the room for the first time in days. 

“We’re on damage control. Y’know, since we haven’t heard from you in almost a week.” Remus explained, heading straight into the kitchen and flicking the kettle on. 

Y/N sighed heavily, feeling a pang of guilt for having shut off herself off from her friends after her recent break up. The end of her relationship had hit her harder than she had ever anticipated, leaving her feeling raw and vulnerable. She hadn’t felt up to facing her friends properly. She had shot them a quick message briefly explaining the situation before shutting off her phone and finding solace in her own company as she grappled with the emotional fallout.  

Remus busied himself in the kitchen while he waited for the kettle to boil. He had a tea towel swung over his shoulder as he started washing the dishes that had been piling up in the sink. James was getting the living room straight, opening windows, clearing up the endless piles of scrunched up tissues and fluffing up the sofa cushions.  

“You don’t have to do all this – I'm fine!” Y/N protested. 

“Stop fussing and just let us help you,” Sirius chimed in, poking his head around the doorway from where he was in the bathroom, “Now, get in here because I’ve just run you a bath.”  

Y/N’s protests died on her lips as she relented, allowing herself to be guided into the bathroom by Sirius’s firm but caring insistence. The soothing scent of lavender filled the air as she stepped into the room. Sirius shut the door behind her, allowing some privacy. He had set her some fresh towels and clean clothes on the side, even going as far as to light a few candles. Y/N let out a sigh as she sank into the tub, the warm water washing over her tired body. 

After a while, Y/N emerged from the bathroom feeling a bit lighter. She smiled at the three boys, appreciating their practical gestures of support. They had practically cleaned her whole apartment while she was in the bath. It had taken a bit of a hit in the week that she had been moping around. Remus had set her a steaming mug of tea on the coffee table, and she took it into her hands eagerly. 

“Feeling better?” he asked, patting the spot on the sofa next to him. 

“Much better. Thanks for the rescue” she smiled at each of them, “I owe you guys one.” 

“Nonsense.” James dismissed with a wave of his hand, “That’s what friends are for. Plus, I’ve been dying to bring out my superhero cape.” 

Remus snorted into his tea, “Superhero cape? More like a tea towel tied around your neck, mate.” 

“Hey, it’s all about the dramatic effect, Moony. You should try it some time.” James mock-glared at him. 

“I’d pay good money to see that.” Y/N laughed. 

“You nearly did!” Sirius remarked, “I literally had to pry it from around his neck before you got out of the bath.” 

Y/N burst into laughter at the mental image, shaking her head in amusement, “I can only imagine the heroic struggle.” She said, grinning at James, who rolled his eyes with a good natured sigh. 

“Yeah, well, it was a valiant effort on his part,” James admitted, earning a playful elbow jab from Sirius.  

It was the first time in a good week or so, that Y/N had laughed properly. She felt her spirits lift with each passing moment, the heaviness that had weighed in her heart for the last week beginning to fade. Their light-hearted banter and playful antics had a way of lifting her spirits, offering a welcomed distraction from her recent troubles. It was only when the boys stood up to leave that the empty feeling in the pit of her stomach started to return.  

Sirius noticed her face fall when they started getting ready to leave, each of them shrugging on their coats and slipping into their shoes.  

“Don’t worry, we’re coming back.” Sirius reassured her. 

“Yeah, you didn’t think that you could get rid of us that easily, did you?” Remus chuckled. 

“We’ve just got to nip out to get some stuff but then we’ll be back.” James promised. 

“What stuff?” she questioned.  

“Ask us no questions and we’ll tell you no lies.” James quipped, playfully tapping her on the nose before swiftly exiting.  

A bemused smile played on her lips as she watched her friends disappear. Although they had only been around at her flat for a few hours, it felt eerily empty now that they had gone. Collapsing onto the sofa, she reached for her phone, hesitating before finally switching it on after days of deliberate avoidance. There was the expected flurry of messages from her friends and family checking in on her and she made a mental note to reply to them later on. She quickly deleted a particularly nasty text from her ex before she gave herself chance to read it properly. As the screen blinked back up at her, the date glared back with unexpected significance.  

Valentine’s Day. 

The realisation hit her and stirred up memories and emotions that she had been trying to suppress. She couldn’t help but feel a twinge of loneliness as she thought back to past Valentine’s Day spent with her now ex-partner. For a moment, she regretted even switching on her phone; ignorance might have been bliss on a day like today. Tears prickled in her eyes and she bit down on her lip in a futile attempt to hold back the flood of emotions.  

Just as she had been earlier that morning, she was brought back to reality by the door of her apartment swinging open and James, Remus and Sirius bustling back inside.  

“Told you we wouldn’t be long!” James said brightly, though the look soon dropped from his face the second his eyes fell on Y/N. 

“Oh, no! What’s happened? Everything okay?” Sirius rushed over and crouched in front of her, so his face was level to where she was slumped on the sofa. 

“It’s silly,” she sniffled, “I turned on my phone because obviously I’ve been avoiding it for ages and I saw the date. It’s just... overwhelming.” 

Remus moved to sit beside her, his presence a comforting anchor as he place a hand on her shoulder. 

“It’s not silly at all, Y/N. Valentine’s Day can be shit. Especially after everything you’ve been through.” he said softly, offering her a sympathetic smile. 

James signed, rubbing the back of his neck as he stepped closer, “We came over today because... well we didn’t want you to spend Valentine’s Day alone. We didn’t realise that you didn't even know what day it was. We’ve kind of fucked up really, haven’t we?”  

“Don’t be daft.” Y/N wiped the tears away with her sleeve, “You’ve already cheered me up so much just by being here.” 

“Let’s not stop now then, eh?” Sirius said, patting her affectionately on the head as he stood up, “We’ve got plenty more planned for this evening. Why don’t you go get yourself freshened up while we get set up in here?” 

Y/N smiled gratefully and obliged, making her way to the bathroom. She splashed her face with cool water, letting it wash away the remnants of tears that clung to her skin. As she caught sight of herself in the mirror, she forced a smile onto her face in an attempt to make herself feel better. She quickly ran her hands through her hair and smoothed out the wrinkles in her clothes. 

In the other room, the boys had sprung to action. James rummaged through the bags of shopping, his brows furrowed in concentration as he set about preparing dinner. Remus, ever the organiser, rearranged the furniture to create a cosier and more comfortable set up for them. Sirius, with his flair for the dramatic, set about lighting candles and pulled an assortment of decorations from his bag to add a festive touch to the occasion. 

As Y/N stepped out of the bathroom, her eyes widened in surprise at the transformation that had taken place in the living room. The warm glow of candlelight danced across the walls, casting soft shadows across the room. Tears of gratitude welled in her eyes and with a shaky breath she made her way to join them. 

“Speechless, huh?” Sirius joked gently, a twinkle of amusement in his eyes. 

Y/N managed a watery smile, “I don’t even know what to say.” 

“Nothing needs to be said.” James stepped in from the kitchen, floral apron tied around his waist.  

“Just know that we’ve got your back always, yeah?” Remus chimed in.  

With a grateful nod, Y/N settled into her seat at the table, feeling a sense of peace wash over her.  

“Nice apron, James.” Y/N teased, unable to contain her laughter.  

“What can I say? Real men wear floral.” he quipped, setting down plates of food in front of each of them.  

“Ah! I almost forgot!” Sirius stood up quickly from the table and disappeared into the other room.  

He returned a few moments later, holding a bouquet of flowers. He presented them to her with a flourish. Y/N gasped in response. 

“You really didn’t have to!” she protested, her voice filled with gratitude, “You’ve already done so much for me today!” 

“We wanted to.” Remus smiled. 

“Besides, we’d be pretty crappy mates if we let you go a whole Valentine’s Day without flowers.” Sirius chuckled. 

“Yeah, it’s practically a cardinal sin to neglect such an important tradition.” Remus nodded in agreement.  

“See? We’re not completely useless, are we?” James nudged her, grinning. 

“Nah, you’re not half bad.” she beamed back at them, “I might even go as far as to say that you’re the best.” 

[chvoswxtch]

tell me i'm wrong

pairing: matt murdock x fem!reader

summary: you've been dancing around your feelings for matt murdock for over a year. what happens when he confronts you about it?

warnings: cursing, drinking, some fluff, explicit sexual content (minors dni)

word count: 7.5k

a/n: no one asked for this. this is purely me being a selfish slut for matt murdock. friendly reminder that if sexual content or smut makes you uncomfortable, please feel free to skip this! as always, feedback is welcomed/appreciated!

I slipped the key into the lock and turned it quietly, quickly letting myself in and gently closing the door behind me. After twisting the lock back into place, I made my way down the entryway and turned the corner to head straight for the fridge. The light from inside was the only illumination coating the otherwise dark apartment apart from the quick flashes of light from the giant billboard outside the window of the living room. I let out a huff as I scanned my alcohol choices, standing up on my tiptoes to see if there were any better options on top of the fridge. No such luck. I was about to reach for one of the shitty beers inside when a voice cut through the silence.

“What are you doing?”

I screamed as I spun around, slamming the refrigerator door shut with my back as I braced myself against it. I squinted my eyes to see the shadowy silhouette of a figure sitting on the couch. I ran a shaky hand over my face, attempting to get my breathing back under control.

“Jesus Christ, Matt. What the hell are you doing here?”

“I live here.”

“I realize that, smartass. I thought you’d be out..doing your..thing.”

“It’s still early.”

“I didn’t realize criminals followed the designated hours allotted for illegal activity.”

I could hear him snicker, and I just knew he had that stupid smirk on his face. I had known Matt Murdock for a little over a year after I started working as an assistant at his firm along with Karen. After a few high profile cases, they were getting more clients than they could keep track of and needed the extra help. Thus started my complicated relationship with Matt Murdock. Well, it wasn’t really complicated. I complicated it. I immediately developed a crush on him, and he was a flirty little shit that only made it worse. Sometimes I wasn’t sure if he knew what he was doing, or if he was doing it on purpose.

I had accidentally found out about his nighttime activities two months ago when I walked in on him changing out of his costume. He hadn’t shown up to the office that day, and Foggy kept insisting he was probably fine, just sick, but I couldn’t let it go. New York was a dangerous city, and Matt was blind. Or, so I thought. I had used my key he had given me for emergencies and let myself in, calls of his name dying on my tongue when I saw him standing in the middle of the living room with his helmet in his hands. Suddenly, everything kinda clicked. He was always running off at odd times, bailing on drinks after work, constantly not answering calls or texts, and there were always bruises and cuts popping up he would make simple excuses for.

We had both stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. There were a million thoughts swirling around in my head. I honestly didn’t know if I was surprised or pissed. Panic was evident on his face as he approached me slowly, like he was terrified I would bolt if he moved too fast, and had both of his hands held up in front of him.

“I..I know how this looks.”

“It looks like you’re going to be late for court. Get dressed and move your ass, Murdock. I’ll deal with you later.”

For once Matt Murdock had been rendered speechless, and I took pride in that. That charming fucker always had something to say, always had to have the last word. Even though I had promised him we would talk later, I avoided him like my life depended on it. I didn’t show up to his place later that night. I ignored every single one of his calls and texts. I called in sick for two days. I wanted him to know how it felt, to worry, and to be on the other side of a broken promise. To have absolutely no idea what was going on. A piece of me felt betrayed. I know I didn’t have a right to feel that way. Matt was my boss, and sort of my friend, but he owed me nothing. Especially not a secret like that. But still, it stung. I felt like I had been lied to the entire time I had known him. 

He had showed up at my apartment that second night I didn’t come to work, letting himself in through the window. I had a feeling he would. He wasn’t known for his patience. Although I must admit I was a little disappointed he didn’t show up in costume. I was on my third glass of wine and feeling brave, swirling the burgundy contents in my glass as I stared over at him.

“Tell me, how does a blind guy climb up a fire escape? Or are you even really blind?”

“I told you about my accident.”

“You did. But how am I supposed to determine what comes out of your mouth is true and what’s bullshit?”

“I..it’s complicated.”

“Then spell it out for me.”

Matt had finally given me the truth. He came clean about everything, about his heightened senses, about how he was trained as a kid, when he decided to become what he was. I still didn’t fully understand how he was able to do what he did, but I tried not to push it too far. In an odd way, it made things better between us. He didn’t lie anymore about what he was really up to, he promised to keep us updated on where he was going in case something went wrong, and he always promised to be careful. His suit and helmet may have been damn near indestructible, but he was still human underneath. While I knew he could handle himself, I had seen the video evidence, I still worried about him. And every night for the past two months, I found myself unable to fall asleep until I got the one message I had made him promise to send me every night. 

I’m home.

“Are you just here for my beer?”

“I was hoping for something a little stronger, but I guess I’ll have to settle.”

“Wow, stealing from a blind guy. Have you no morals?”

“Hey, I was gonna leave a twenty on the counter.”

“How generous of you.”

“Do me a favor next time you do a beer run, get something good. Not this German shit. I’m talking Mexican Lager, maybe a little beer salt, some limes. Be considerate of those who raid your stash while you’re out making the world a better place.”

I twisted the top off the bottle and threw it into the trash, making my way over to sit down on the couch opposite the one Matt was sitting on. I could see him better from this spot. The light from the billboard made the red of his glasses almost glow. I rarely ever saw Matt not in his lawyer gear, or his other suit. It was refreshing to see him in a black tshirt, that looked like it had been dried one too many times, and a pair of dark gray sweatpants. He looked..cozy.

“Can I ask you something?”

“I feel like even if I say no, you’re going to anyway.”

Matt pursed his lips into a pout of contempt. I had been getting fed up with his teasing, so I decided to start dishing it right back. It was kinda fun to get him all riled up for a change.

“Go ahead.”

“You’ve been..oddly calm about all of this. I mean..even from the moment you found me in the suit. I was expecting you to-”

“Freak out?”

“Well, yeah. Or at the very least, lecture me. I got an earful from Foggy when he found out.”

Matt had sat up a little straighter, resting his elbows on his knees as he clasped his hands in front of him. There was a time when I thought I could shamelessly stare at him without fear of being caught damn near drooling. In the beginning, I did. I didn’t panic when he turned his head towards me, because I didn’t think he could see me. I didn’t think I was getting caught. Of course after Matt had told me the truth about his abilities, I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole realizing that he had been aware the entire fucking time.

Letting out a sigh, I ran my fingers through my hair and took another sip from the beer.

“You’re a grown man, Matt. Nothing I say or do is going to change your mind. You’re going to do what you want regardless of what any of us say.”

“Yeah but..you’re the only one that’s a little..warmer to the idea. You’ve had no apprehensions about it, not once. You don’t think it’s wrong?”

“I’m not exactly the person you should be asking that.”

“Why not?”

“Because my moral compass isn’t exactly as straight as everyone else's.”

“I want to know what you really think. You’ve been holding back.”

“Does it matter?”

“It does to me.”

“Aren’t you Catholic? Shouldn’t you only worry about what God thinks?”

“He’s..a little hard to get a hold of sometimes.”

“She.”

Matt perked his head up, a slight chuckle leaving his mouth as he looked over at me incredulously.

“I thought you weren’t religious?”

“I’m not. But if there is a God, she’s a woman.”

“Fair enough.”

There was no easy way to get out of a conversation with Matt Murdock. Once he had his teeth sunk into something, there was no letting go. My choices were to give in and give him what he wanted, or deal with his relentless pestering until he got it. I let out another deep sigh as I leaned back into his stupid expensive comfy couch.

“I know there’s an idealistic part of you that thinks the system works. But I also know there’s a more realistic side of you that can acknowledge that often, it fails. If you didn’t feel that way, you wouldn’t be running around rooftops in your little red number every night. I don’t believe in absolutes. I don’t think there’s just good and evil, or black and white; there’s a lot of gray area. I guess..that’s where you come in.”

“So, you don’t think it’s wrong?”

“The short answer? No.”

“But you feel for them.”

“You forget I come from a family of criminals.”

“But you didn’t end up like them.”

“Because I chose not to. That doesn’t mean I’m not sympathetic. I got lucky. I made my own choice. Some of those people out there..feel like they don’t have one. So yeah, maybe you get them put away and they’re out in a week or a month, but that’s a week or a month they have time to make a choice of their own. And if they make the wrong one, then you’ll be there. Look, I don’t like that you’re out there every night putting your life, and your career, at risk. But I also get why you do it. There are those assholes who think they’re above the law because they pay the ones that enforce it to work in their favor. So if they lie under oath, it’s only fair they get to meet the Devil.”

“You worry about me?”

There was that signature, shit-eating grin on his face. God he was insufferable sometimes. I wanted to climb across this coffee table and smack it off, but he would probably have me pinned down before I had a chance. On second thought..might not be such a bad idea. I groaned in exasperation, finishing off the bottle in my hand.

“Yes, Matthew. I worry about you, alright? Sue me.”

“I know a good lawyer.”

“Oh fuck off. Look, can we save our Hallmark moment? Or do you feel the need to milk it for all it’s worth?”

Every single one of his stupid perfect white teeth were on display as he grinned widely at me, his broad shoulders moving slightly with every snicker that came from his chest. Matthew Murdock had to be the most infuriating man I had ever met. It was like he lived to tease and test my patience.

A comfortable silence washed over us after a while. My thumb lightly brushed over the label on the bottle as I stared out the window, thinking about what might be waiting out there for Matt tonight. No matter how much I didn’t want to, my mind always drifted to him. I was constantly thinking about him. My thoughts often wandered to the night he had told me the truth, about everything. 

That night, realization dawned on me like the first sun after a long winter. He knew. He knew all along that I had been watching him, staring shamelessly. He always heard the way my heartbeat quickened whenever he entered the room, or was suddenly close to me. He could feel the rise in temperature in my cheeks from his lighthearted flirting. He knew..but never said anything. Never acted on it. After his confession, I crossed off the possibility that he had no idea what he was doing to me. Maybe it was really all a game to him.

“What is it?”

“Huh?”

“What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing.”

“I don’t know why you still bother trying to lie when you know I can tell when you are. Besides, I can practically hear the words buzzing in your head.”

“Okay, your hearing isn’t that good. And I’m gonna keep practicing my lying skills until one day even I can trick the human lie detector, Matthew Murdock.”

“Lie detectors actually don’t work very well. They’re kind of bullshit.”

Normally I wouldn’t concede in our banter so easily, but it was getting late and I was exhausted. I was also completely on edge knowing at any second, Matt was going to subject himself to the violent dangers of Hell’s Kitchen leaving me a mess of anxiety waiting on that one message that would finally put me at ease.

“Come on, talk to me. I still got some time to kill. Tell me what’s going on in that little head of yours.”

I racked my brain for anything I could use along the lines of what was running through my head without completely giving myself away. I curled up into the side of his couch, resting my hand on my palm as I looked over at him.

“What..what do you see, exactly? I know you kind of explained it to me..but I’m just curious. I mean is it like..sonar? Shadows or shapes? White noise?”

“It’s more like..a world on fire.”

“Well that sounds..pleasant.”

“Why?”

“What?”

“Why do you ask?”

Shit. I tapped my nail lightly against the side of the bottle, shrugging my shoulders a bit now that I knew he could tell when I did that.

“I’m just..trying to understand. Foggy..um..he always says that you always know when girls are pretty so..I guess I was just wondering what you saw. When you look at people, I mean. You can..see them.”

“Short answer, yes. In my own way, I can tell what people look like.”

Maybe that was it. Maybe he could see me, and wasn’t impressed. Maybe he didn’t think I was as pretty as all his other girlfriends and that’s why he never said anything. Leave it to me to not even be a blind guy’s “type”. It certainly wasn’t because we worked together. That didn’t stop him and Karen, which was a painfully awkward conversation to have with her once she found out about my infatuation with him.

“I know that you’re pretty.”

My head snapped in Matt’s direction and I expected to see his usual stupid smirk coating his lips, but he was just smiling. A real, genuine smile. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Was this a trick?

“What?”

“I said I think you’re pretty.”

“Oh..Foggy tell you that? You know you can’t trust his judgment after tequila.”

The smile on his mouth only stretched further as he shook his head slowly, bracing his palms on his knees.

“No, I can tell for myself.”

I didn’t know what to say. Matt had never called me pretty before. He flirted with me like it was his own personal mission from God, but I never thought he actually found me attractive. I didn’t know he could. I promptly became self conscious of the fact that I was wearing a flimsy tank top with a cropped zip up hoodie and a pair of leggings that had small holes forming on the inner thighs where they had been worn down. I didn’t think he was going to be here, so I didn’t bother with changing. I had never had a reason to be self conscious about my appearance with Matt before. But now I knew that he could see me, and thought that I was pretty.

“Does that bother you?”

“What?”

Matt rose from his spot on the couch, taking careful steps around the coffee table until he could take his place right beside me. If he moved even a centimeter closer, his knee would brush against mine.

“Does it bother you that I think you’re pretty?”

“Oh..um..n-no. But..you knew that already..right?”

“I wanted to hear you say it.”

Matt was closer in proximity than he ever had been before, and the scent of his cologne was intoxicating. I had to stop myself from leaning in to nuzzle his neck. His large hands were braced against his thighs, as if he was waiting for something. I loved Matt’s hands. I knew what they were capable of, but I wanted to know what they could do to me.

“How does it make you feel?”

“What?”

“That I think you’re pretty. How does it make you feel?”

“Matt-”

“Don’t be shy, Y/N. Be a good girl and tell me how it makes you feel.”

Good girl. Those two words went straight to my core and caused me to press my thighs together tightly, which did not go unnoticed by Matt. He noticed fucking everything. His eyebrows rose slightly above his crimson colored glasses, that familiar smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“Oh, did you like that?”

I didn’t know if my frustration was purely sexual or just due to Matt being a cocky son of a bitch but I couldn’t stand to be around him for another second. I hadn’t eaten since lunch so I was pathetically buzzed off of one beer, further intoxicated by the scent of his cologne that had weaved its way through my lungs, and internally begging to hear more filthy words fall from his graceful lips in that dangerously low voice. As much as my body was screaming for his touch, my brain reminded me just how much he pissed me off. I slammed my empty bottle on the table as I stood.

“I am so fucking over your little games, Murdock.”

Matt’s hand darted out in a flash to grip onto my wrist, not hard enough to leave a mark, but just enough to let me know I wasn’t leaving. I felt my breath hitch in my throat as I looked down at him and swallowed thickly. There was a somewhat pained look on his face and his jaw clenched slightly.

“Don’t. It’s not a game.”

Without warning, he pulled me down onto his lap with an ease that caused a sharp gasp to fall from my lips at just how strong he was. His arm snaked around my back, trapping me against his firm chest so that our faces were merely an inch apart. I flattened my palms against his chest, not like I could push him away even if I really tried. I could feel his warm breath fanning over my lips.

“Tell me I’m wrong. Tell me that I read this all completely wrong, and you can walk out that door, and we can pretend that this never happened. I won’t bring it up again, I swear. But if you do want this..God, I need to know.”

My heart was pounding so loudly in my ears it was deafening. I wondered what it must sound like to him. To me, it must have resembled a hummingbird fluttering around in a cage. But for Matt, it had to be far more intense, like a marching band plowing right through my ribcage. I reached up with trembling hands, grabbing onto the sides of Matt’s glasses and gently pulled them off of his face. 

I always thought Matt’s eyes were beautiful. There were swirls of deep caramel intermingled with honey golden embers and splashed with tiny flecks of jade. He brought his other hand down to rest on my waist, his thumb pressing light circles against my hip bone through the fabric of my leggings. God did I want to kiss him. I wanted to throw caution to the wind, bite the bullet and finally get what I had been craving since that first day.

But fear crept into the back of my mind and turned my blood cold. What did this mean? What would it change? Would I be just another shiny new toy that Matt would discard in a month once he got bored? I didn’t think I had the grace to carry on with business as usual like Karen had. This would change everything for me. There would be an entirely different rendition of “normal” if we crossed this line, and I had no idea what it meant to Matt.

“Let it go for tonight.”

“Let what go?”

“Everything you’re worrying about right now. I promise whatever happens, you and I will work it out together tomorrow morning. Line by line.”

“Matt..”

“Tell me you want this, Y/N.”

“You can hear my heart.”

“I want to hear you say it. I need to hear you say it. Please.”

My mind was swimming with curiosities and consequences. I could give in. I could relinquish complete control and finally get to have Matt Murdock like I had been dreaming about since we first met. And even if the flame burns out too quickly for my liking, at least I’ll always be able to remember this night. And if I don’t, I could spend the rest of my life wondering what I had missed out on. Agonizing if I had made a mistake. Which was worse? To have a little taste, or nothing at all?

“I..I want this. I want you, Matt.”

In an instant his lips were crashing onto mine, grabbing onto the back of my neck to pull me impossibly closer. Our teeth and tongues thrashed together with insatiable hunger. Matt’s kisses were rough and needy and it lit a blaze within me. I had never wanted someone so badly. He grabbed a fistful of my hair and tugged my head to the side, granting himself full access to my neck. He left a burning trail of kisses down my neck and I whined when I felt his teeth sink into the juncture above my collarbone. 

“Your scent drives me fucking crazy. Ever since you first stepped into the office..it was everywhere. It still fucking is. Doesn’t matter how many times I wash my clothes, how long it’s been since you’ve been in the office, or my apartment, your fucking scent is everywhere..and it goes straight to my cock. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve had to excuse myself to go fuck my hand in the bathroom like a horny fucking teenager because of you?”

“M-Matt..”

His fingers swiftly tugged at the zipper of my hoodie, shoving it down my shoulders and throwing it across the floor. He gripped the top of my tank top and ripped it completely in half like a piece of paper, carelessly discarding the scraps. A gasp of surprise left me but was completely cut off by a loud moan when Matt pulled me roughly down onto his lap.

“Can you feel that? Can you feel what you fucking do to me?”

I could feel the entire outline of Matt’s hardened bulge as he grabbed my hips, pulling me down even harder against him. I let my head fall back and moaned wantonly at the feeling of his hard on rubbing against me right where I wanted him. I was surprised he had actually unclasped my bra instead of ripping it off with all of my other clothing. My nipples instantly peaked from the rush of cool air and goosebumps littered my naked skin. My mouth hung open at the contrast of Matt’s warm large hands fondling my breasts, squeezing them roughly. His mouth latched onto one of my nipples, alternating between sucking and biting down on the sensitive flesh. He splayed one of his large hands flat against my back, keeping me in place so I couldn’t escape the delicious torture. 

“I can fucking smell your arousal. I can smell how fucking soaked you are right now. Fuck..I can’t wait to tear you apart.”

I whined as I gripped at the collar of his shirt, giving it a light tug hoping he would get the hint. As he pulled his shirt off his head, I took the opportunity to rush forward and drag my tongue along the sharp outline of his jaw, nipping at the skin under his ear. He grunted as he suddenly shot up with me in his arms, turning slightly to drop me onto my back on the couch as he ripped my leggings down my thighs. I gulped as I watched him shove his sweats down, climbing onto the couch on his knees in front of me. He flashed me a devilish grin before sounds of seams ripping and tearing filled the ear. My mouth hung open in shock as I stared at the remnant shreds of my panties in his hand.

“Matt-”

Before I could register what was happening, he placed one of his large hands over my mouth and shoved two of his fingers into my soaking pussy. I whined against his hand, staring up at him above me with wide eyes.

“Shh, you’re gonna be a good girl for me, aren’t you? Gonna let me take what I want? Gonna let me use you like my own little whore, yeah?”

A fresh wave of arousal flooded between my thighs. The sweet, charming Matt Murdock was long gone. The devil had come out to play. 

Matt wasted no time settling between my thighs, diving face first into my pussy like a man starved. I cried out in pleasure as he bit down on my clit, soothing it with his tongue before sucking on the sensitive nub without remorse. His beard burned as it rubbed against my thighs, but it felt so fucking good at the same time. One of his hands clamped down on my thigh to keep it spread and he locked my hips down in place with his arm so I couldn’t move at all. All I could do was lie there and take it as he took what he wanted. As he worked me over with his tongue, his fingers explored deep inside of me, curling up upon exit every now and then and brushing against that special spot. I wasn’t going to last.

“Matt..M-Matt fuck..I..I’m g-”

I nearly cried when he roughly retracted his fingers and removed his mouth. I shot up instantly to reach out for him, face contorted in annoyance and ready to protest. His hand suddenly wrapped around my throat, squeezing just enough to get me to stay still. A warning. I grabbed onto his wrist with both of my hands. My entire body felt like it was on fire. His lips were red and swollen, and coated with my wetness that was dripping down his chin. The smirk on his lips grew more wicked by the second.

“I didn’t say you could come. You don’t get to come unless it’s on my cock, understand? You have to earn it. You have to prove to me that you’re a good girl, and beg for it. If I even think you’re going to come without permission, I will tie you up and leave you here all fucking night. Tell me you understand.”

“I..I u-understand.”

“Good.”

I sucked in a deep breath when Matt let go of my neck. His large hands gripped my hips savagely and he flipped me over without hesitation onto my stomach. He shoved his knee in between my thighs to spread them apart, pulling me up onto my knees so that my ass was straight up in the air. I whined loudly when I felt the sting of his palm slapping harshly against my ass. I didn’t have to turn around to know there would be a perfect outline of his hand. I could hear the rustling of clothing behind me as he shoved his briefs down his muscular thighs. 

“Give me your hands.”

I swallowed thickly as I turned my head slightly so that my face was flush against the cushion of the couch, reaching my hands behind my back. Matt took both of my wrists into one of his hands, holding them firmly against my back. I surged forward and cried out when he abruptly shoved the head of his cock into my needy pussy. He didn’t give me time to adjust and before I knew it I could feel his hips against my ass as he fully sheathed himself inside me. I heard a guttural groan rip through his chest behind me and it went straight to my core. 

“Fuck..you’re even fucking tighter than I thought you’d be. Gripping my cock so fucking good.”

Matt’s thrusts were rigorous and unrelenting as he pounded into me. My body surged forward with every powerful snap of his hips. I had never been fucked like this before. My head was spinning and it was becoming more and more difficult to stay up on my knees with the pace Matt was fucking me at. I felt him grab a large fistful of my hair, yanking me backwards so that my back was arched even more. I moaned sharply at the new angle that allowed him to drive deeper inside of me. He was so big and thick, and it burned delectably everytime he pushed in further. 

“M-Matt..please..please I-I can’t..”

“Gonna come already? Don’t be a greedy slut. I’m not done yet.”

“I c-can’t..c-can’t hold it..”

“You better fucking find a way to hold it.”

I didn’t want him to stop. I didn’t think I could handle it if he stopped. I needed him. I dug my nails so hard into my palms I thought they would bleed. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying my hardest not to combust. I clenched my pussy around his length which earned a luscious groan from deep within his chest.

“Fuck angel..you want it that bad, don’t you? Want me to fill this pretty little cunt up?”

“Yes, yes, yes..please..please-fuck..”

Matt let go of my hair and moved his hand between my thighs, beginning to rub his fingers over my clit at a brutal pace. I jerked back against him and nearly screamed at the contact, feeling that band within me dangerously close to snapping.

“Go ahead, angel. Come for me. Let go, and don’t you fucking hold back. I want it all.”

My thighs shook as my orgasm hit me like a tsunami, leaving my body a convulsing mess against him. I moaned his name over and over like a prayer, grinding my ass back against him as I tried to survive the aftershocks. Matt moaned loudly as he spilled inside of me with a vengeance, leaning forward over my back to clamp his teeth down on my shoulder. I whimpered softly as I felt his tongue brush over the spot to soothe the pain.

I cried out again when I felt his length slip out of me, only to be replaced by his fingers as he cupped my pussy, keeping his release inside of me. His hot breath fanned over my ear as he nipped at it, speaking lowly in a gravely tone. 

“Don’t think I’m fucking done with you yet.”

I whimpered at his words and nearly fell apart all over again. It wasn’t a threat, it was a promise. Matt maneuvered me back onto his lap, spreading my thighs on the opposite sides of his. As fast as he withdrew his fingers from me, he was pulling me down onto his half hard cock until he bottomed out inside of me. My mouth hung wide open and I wanted to scream at the sensation, but I couldn’t speak. I could feel him everywhere. I had never felt so full and so whole.

“You gotta earn this one, angel. Show me how good of a girl you can be.”

Matt wrapped his arms tightly around my waist, caging me against his chest once again. My thighs burned and felt like jelly, I wasn’t even sure if I could move. I didn’t know if it was my own desire or my need to please Matt, but somehow I found my strength. I grabbed onto his broad shoulders for support, beginning to rock my hips back and forth slowly. I whined from the sensitivity, leaning in to bury my face into the crook of his neck.

“That’s it..just like that. Look so pretty when you’re taking my cock, angel.”

The embers had been reignited and the fire began to grow within my belly once more. I took the opportunity to leave open-mouthed kisses along his neck, sucking softly at the nape of it. The breathy little moans that left his lips only spurred me on further. I bit down gently on his neck and heard him hiss, roughly digging his fingertips into the flesh of my hips. I couldn’t wait to see the marks he had left on me tomorrow. I wanted to make one of my own.

I sucked aggressively at the skin just above his collarbone, testing my luck as I bit down harder than I had before. I gasped when I felt his hand wrap around my throat again, bringing our faces closer together as the corner of his lips curled up in a snarl.

“Did I say you get to fucking tease?”

“N-no..I’m sorry..”

“Then what the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“I..I just wanted..wanted t-to make you f-feel good too..”

“You wanna make me feel good? Ride my fucking cock.”

Matt smacked his hand against my ass sharply, earning another loud moan from me. His grip on my waist tightened as he leaned back against the cushions to stare at me. I bit down on my lip hard, starting to move my hips in slow figure eights. I was trying so hard to keep a steady pace, but I couldn’t focus. My body felt weak and my brain was erratic from how turned on I was. Matt’s patience wore thin as he held me steady and began to snap his hips up into mine repeatedly, causing me to bounce on his cock at an unforgiving pace. I squeezed my eyes shut and threw my head back, digging my nails into his shoulder as I held on.

“Oh fuck..fuck fuck fuck..fuck Matt!”

The apartment was filled with sounds of his thighs slapping against my ass, his cock pistoning inside of my gushing pussy, and the violent growls that rang from his throat. I felt like he might actually tear me apart, and God what a way to fucking go. I grabbed onto the back of his neck tightly, pressing my forehead against his as I moaned even louder. I was gonna break.

“M-Matt..I..I..”

“Come. Come all over my fucking cock, angel. Let me have it.”

I crushed my chest against his, holding onto him as tightly as I could as my second orgasm tore through my body with retribution. I was a screaming, incoherent mess as wave after wave of pleasure racked through me. I could feel Matt’s hips stutter slightly as he came with a loud grunt, coating my walls with ropes of warmth once again. My heart pounded violently in my chest and I struggled to take in oxygen. I was shaking in Matt’s arms as he held me, nearly on the verge of tears. I had never felt so good.

Matt gently ran his fingers through my hair, brushing it out of my face as he pressed a soft kiss to the side of my head. He lightly trailed his fingertips up and down my spine slowly, brushing his nose along the curve of my jaw until his lips were on mine. His kisses continued along my neck as he whispered softly in my ear.

“Can you give me one more baby?”

I started to panic. I didn’t know if I could physically or mentally take one more. I whimpered as I hid my face in Matt’s neck, tightening my grip on his back.

“Matt..I don’t-”

“Shh, it’s okay. I’ve got you. I’ll help you. Just one more for me, baby. You can do it, I know you can.”

Matt slowly lifted us off the couch, his arms wrapped tightly around me and his length still settled inside of me as he carried me into his bedroom and laid me down gently on the bed. He kept himself inside of me the entire time. I panted softly as I looked up at him. He placed his hands on either side of my head, a soft smile on his lips as he leaned down to brush our noses together.

“I’m gonna go slow, okay?”

He gently pulled my legs up to wrap around his waist, taking one of my hands and intertwining our fingers together as he held it by my head. The way he was looking at me made butterflies erupt in my stomach, and I felt my heart squeeze in my chest. The devil had his fun, now my sweet, charming Matt Murdock was back. He kissed me gingerly as he began to lazily move our hips together.

My entire body felt like a live wire and every time our hips connected it sent a jolt of electricity through me that made me wanna scream. It just felt so good. I couldn’t stop the tears that slipped down my cheeks or the sobs of pleasure that sounded from my lips. Matt pressed his forehead against mine as he lightly brushed the tears away with his thumb.

“I know baby..I know. I feel it too. I’ve wanted this for so long Y/N..wanted you for so long. God, you have no idea. You belong with me, Y/N.”

I didn’t trust myself to speak. I didn’t know if I could tell you my own fucking name if you had asked right then. The only thing I could focus on was Matt and how perfectly we fit. I squeezed his hand tightly, feeling myself being brought closer and closer to the edge with every stroke. Matt leaned in to capture my lips in a passionate kiss. I reveled in the feeling of his body weight on top of me. It felt right. I felt safe. 

“Matt..”

“I know, baby. You’re doing so well for me..so so well. I’m so proud of you, angel. Just a little longer baby, I’m almost there. Can you hold on for me just a little longer? Gonna make you feel so good baby, I promise.”

I could hardly hear Matt’s saccharine voice as my third orgasm of the night was steadily approaching. Matt gripped onto the sheets beside my head and sped his pace up just a bit. I didn’t have time to warn him, but he knew. He could feel it. He gently grabbed the back of my neck and pressed his forehead to mine, his voice shaking as he spoke.

“Let go baby, let it all go. I’m right here. I’m right here..I got you. I’m right here, angel.”

My vision became fuzzy, somewhat resembling the inside of a kaleidoscope, and I thought I was going to black out. It was like a bomb inside me had exploded, sending fragments flying that left me shaking uncontrollably. Euphoria rushed over me in unrelenting phases, and it felt like I was free falling throughout space. Matt Murdock had completely ruined me. It took several minutes before I came back down into coherency. 

As my vision came back into focus, I could see Matt still hovering above me. He was lightly brushing his thumb across my cheekbone in a loving gesture, a small smile languidly forming on his lips.

“There you are. I missed you.”

I closed my eyes for a moment, turning my head to lean further into Matt’s touch. I was still trying to regain my bearings as I breathed heavily. Matt leaned down to press gentle kisses to my forehead, cheeks, nose, and lips. He slid his length out me as carefully as he could, but even just the brush of his pubic hair against my overstimulated clit sent another jolt through me and tears pricked at the corner of my eyes again. I whimpered as I could feel a rush of warmth between my thighs where his three rounds of release had begun to spill.

“I’m sorry, angel. I know. I’ll be right back, I’m gonna get you some water.”

I couldn’t move. It felt like there were invisible cinder blocks all over my body holding me down. No one had ever made me come like that, let alone three times in a row. Matt emerged a moment later with his briefs slung low on his hips, a glass of water and a small towel in hand. He sat down beside me, weaving his arm around my back to hold me up against his chest as he brought the glass to my lips.

“Here, baby. Drink as much as you can.”

Once he was satisfied with my water intake, he began to cautiously clean me up with the warm towel. I gripped onto his arm when he touched me where I was sensitive, to which he kissed my temple as a silent apology. He hooked his arms under my knees and back, shifting me over onto the part of the bed that wasn’t drenched with our release. As he laid down beside me, he carefully swung my leg over his waist and held me tightly against his chest.

I could finally hear his heartbeat for once with my head on his chest. It was fast, but steady and strong. I lightly traced my fingertips along the scars that covered his skin. The action quickly sobered me up as I glanced out the window, wondering how late it was.

“Matt?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you..still going out?”

“No. I used all my fighting bad guy energy to fuck you senseless.”

I immediately blushed and hid my face into his neck, lightly slapping at his chest.

“Matthew!”

“What?”

“You’re unbelievable.”

“And you’re beautiful.”

My breath caught in my throat at his words. That was what had started all of this. Those little words had jumpstarted the best night of my entire life. But I couldn’t stop myself from letting my mind wander about how long this night would actually last. His words from earlier echoed loudly in my mind. You belong with me, Y/N.

“Did you mean it?”

“When I said you’re beautiful?”

“No..when you said..I belong with you.”

Matt turned his head slightly so that he was facing me, cupping my cheek in his large hand while his thumb lightly ghosted over my bottom lip.

“I meant it.”

There were so many questions I had, I couldn’t keep track. How was this going to work? How could it work? What if it ended badly? What if something happened to Matt? I was completely exhausted both physically and mentally, and every question that popped into my head only made me feel more lightheaded. I knew Matt could hear my heartbeat going frantic again when he pressed a soft kiss to my forehead.

“Hey, I told you. We’ll figure it out in the morning. Together. Alright?”

“Alright.”

“Get some rest, angel. I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

I had no idea what tomorrow morning would bring, but at least I could take comfort in knowing that I was waking up in Matt’s arms. We would figure it out, together, line by line. And oh, it was definitely fucking better to have a little taste than nothing at all. 

[niqhtlord01]

Humans are weird: Minecraft Part 2

( Please come see me on my new patreon and support me for early access to stories and personal story requests :D https://www.patreon.com/NiqhtLord Every bit helps)

Alien: *Observes ruined remains of once proud city Alien: What happened? Human: There was a spider and in my attempts to kill it things got out of hand. Alien: How does trying to kill a spider destroy your whole city? Human: I tried using fire. Alien: How much fire? Human: *Points to several dozen lava buckets used* Human: I want to say all the fire. ---------------------

Alien: Am I meeting you at your base? Human: Nah, I lost that one so I had to build a new one. Alien: Wait, how did you lose it? Human: Turns out piglin’s can walk through the ender portal into the above world. Alien: So? Alien: It’s not a problem if you- Alien: …….. Alien: wait, you didn’t seal off your portal room? Human: I did not. -------------------------

Alien: *walking through dying npc village* Alien: Wasn’t this place thriving last time we were here? Human: Yeah; probably fell apart when I diverted the river. Alien: You what?! Human: I didn’t like how it looked so I blocked it off and shifted it in a different direction. Alien: What gives you the right to destroy this innocent town? Human: Innocent? Human: Have you seen their trading rates? Human: Why would I pay 15 emeralds for an iron pickaxe? -----------------------

Alien: Why are you hiding? Human: I am being hunted by the deadliest creature in the game. Alien: *Intrigued* What is that? Human: *Points at looming shadow* There…. *Shadow takes shape and reveals itself to be a frog* Alien: Seriously? Frog: Ribbit. *Frog opens its mouth and shoots out to alien* *Tongue latches on to alien and eat him* Human: They never listen…… --------------------------

Alien: What the hell is this? Human: It’s my home. Alien: It’s made of dirt. Human: So? Alien: Why in the sixteen hells would you make your house out of dirt? Human: I mean, it’s everywhere. Alien: So are fraking trees! -----------------------------

Human: BEHOLD! Human: A TOWN MADE OUT OF IRON! Alien: Seems like a waste of iron. Alien: Why did you make this? Human: Because I wanted to make the golems protecting the town have an existential crisis as they ponder the question “Are we made out of the town, or is the town made out of us?” Alien: By the gods you should not be left alone with your thoughts for long. ------------------------------

Alien: *Finishes building village in middle of a lake* Alien: Finally! Alien: No mobs will be able to make it across the water to reach them! Human: Um…. Human: You do know about the underwater zombies, right? Alien: I’m sorry, the what? *Trident goes flying past head as swarms of underwater zombies emerge* -----------------------------

Alien: Why did you spend three weeks rearranging the landscape? Human: So I can go on long walks through it. Alien: That’s it? Alien: How can that possibly be worth the effort? Human: Join me and see. *Pair proceed to walk down a long intricate pathway with different color trees, rivers and waterfalls, mountain ranges and rolling hills* Alien: Damn. Alien: That was peaceful. Human: I know, right? -----------------------------

Alien: What are you doing? Human: Trading with the piglins. Alien: Why? Human: It’s fascinating watching them when you throw gold at them. Alien: Didn’t they destroy your city my swarming through the open ender portal? Human: Yes. Alien: And you’ve forgiven them for that? Human: Oh no. Human: I plan on sealing up their home area later on and then pouring buckets of lava into it from the highest places and watching them run, scream, and beg for their lives before the all-consuming flames devour their flesh. Human: But right now I find them amusing so I think I’ll pause on that plan for a day or two. Alien: ……………….. Alien: What your gods must think of you when they see such casual malice. Human: They learned long ago to leave us be. For we have learned that they topple just as easily as their temples, and their names cast to the sands of time beneath our feet.

[theidiotwhowritesthings]

TAKE CARE OF YOU

Sugar Daddy!Joel Miller x Female!Reader

Overall Warnings: slow burn, angst/comfort, power imbalance, age gap, possessive tendencies, eventual smut, #daddyissues, independent reader learns to let go and relax, emotionally constipated Joel Miller learns to be vulnerable; (more specific warnings to be added to individual chapters if necessary)

Chapter Word Count: 4,312

Summary: You spent your entire adult life supporting yourself and barely getting by. It's why a life of ease offered to you by a mysterious stranger sounded so foreign and unbelievable. Joel Miller, dressed in flannels that had seen better days, didn't look like the kind who could promise you the world on a plate, but he seemed desperate to help out. All he asks is that you let him take care of you. That wouldn't be so hard. Would it?

[a/n: i know what you're thinking. 'JJ, what the hell are you doing?' The answer to that question, always, is 'I have no fucking idea'. But, this idea gripped my soul. Oops.]

01: YOU WORK A BUNCH THEN ONE DAY YOU DIE

"i don't want a sugar daddy but maybe like a sugar buddy. i just hit him up like, 'Hey how are you today?' and he replies, 'Doing great thanks for asking here's $7,000.'" -unknown

The life you lived was simple and boring. You were reminded of this fact as Nima rambled through a story about how her blind date last night had turned into a bar brawl which spiraled into a stint in the emergency room. Meanwhile, you had binged a show you'd already watched a dozen times on Netflix while shoveling popcorn down your throat. This worked perfectly for you though. You got to stay in your comfort zone while living vicariously through your best friend’s disasters. 

“Please tell me you won’t be seeing her again.” You chuckled.

Nima scoffed, “Hell no. She could not carry her own in that bar brawl. That’s why we ended up in the ER.” She scrunched her nose then shrugged. “But she’s fine now. The girl only needed like seven stitches.”

You shook your head and breathed out a laugh. For the entire time you had known her, going on a decade now, Nima had never dated a normal woman. It was almost impressive how terrible her record was.

The Korean woman’s hair was dyed a solid bubble gum pink and tied up into two messy buns atop her head. Her clothes were a patchwork of pastel colors that showed off her toned midriff and long legs. The purse wrapped around her chest was shaped like a giant strawberry and the large headphones wrapped around her neck were equally as bright as the rest of her. Everything about Nima was a blur of chaos and energy and people couldn’t help but be drawn to her. Add that to her awful taste in women and it was the perfect recipe for her wild dating history. 

“Why did we come here?” You asked as your eyes scanned the menu of the coffee shop. The two of you were in the very long line waiting to reach the register, and you had to lean to the side to see around the broad man standing in front of you both. “It’s so overpriced.”

“I follow this girl on insta and she said they have the best lavender matcha latte.” Nima shimmied her shoulders in excitement. “It looked amazing.” She bumped her hip against yours. “What are you gonna get?”

“Will you yell at me if I say vanilla latte?”

“Yes!” Nima scoffed. “That’s so boring! Get one of their specialty drinks at least!”

“Like?”

Nima scanned the menu then pointed at something. “Get the cotton candy frappe!”

You chuckled and continued to scan the menu. There had to be a middle ground option between those two. The line continued to move and Nima had switched from her dating life to her newest project at work. She was an engineer currently working in construction. You were immensely proud of the success she had found in her passions. Honestly, a bit jealous as well. You were in the northern end of your twenties and you had still yet to find something you loved. It was like the world had hit pause on the momentum of your life post college. Time flew by, years passed, but nothing had changed.

The man in front of you reached the register and you realized you’d have to pick something soon. You heard him order something simple⏤ like you had planned. You didn’t pay him much mind until you noticed him patting his pockets growing more frantic with his motions as he realized he was missing something. Finally, he groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. From the angle you stood at, you could just barely see his profile, but it was enough to see his face was scrunched up in frustration. You glanced over at Nima, who was texting, then back to the man who was obviously having a terrible day.

“Sir?” The boy working the till questioned.

“Just⏤” The man huffed as if he were trying to wrap his mind around something. You assumed there was more going on than just a lack of money to buy some coffee. Not having the means to pay for something was probably just the icing on the cake for him. It wasn’t a situation you were unfamiliar with. 'Been there, done that'.

Quickly, you stepped up to stand beside him and fished out your card. “Add a, uh, cinnamon roll latte to that order please. I’ll pay.”

“Wait.” The man held his hand out to argue, but the guy at the register was already swiping your card. He wrote the orders out and motioned for Nima to step up next. The man stepped away from the register without tearing his eyes away from you. His stare was inquisitive and confused. “You didn’t have to do that.”

He had a southern drawl to his words that you didn’t hear often in this part of Los Angeles. Your eyes scanned his figure which looked even more broad when you stood in front of him. The man wore a worn out red flannel with old blue jeans and work boots. His hair was a bit messy, fluffed and slightly curled at the ends, in mostly shades of brown with a bit of silver peppered in. The silver was more prominent in the scruff along his jawline. He was handsome, there was no denying that. Even with his eyebrows furrowed and his lips drawn out in a frown, you couldn’t help but admire him.

“Don’t worry about it.” You shrugged. “You looked like you were having a rough day. We all need a helping hand now and again.”

When Nima finished ordering you turned your focus on her, but she said she was running to the bathroom and disappeared. It left you standing alone next to the man waiting for the drinks to be made. Which would be fine if you didn't feel his gaze still burning into you. Awkwardly, you crossed your arms. You were overthinking it. Paranoid. He probably wasn’t even paying you any mind anymore. To reassure yourself, you glanced over at him only to realize you had not been paranoid. Your eyes locked with his soulful brown ones. Handsome brown eyed men were a menace to society. Nobody should have that much power with just a gaze. Panicked and embarrassed, you snapped your gaze forward once more.

“Thank you.” He said gruffly.

“Like I said,” You cleared your throat, “It’s no problem.”

“I’d love to pay you back.”

You turned to face him, letting out a small laugh, but he didn’t join in. The man just stared at you patiently. Your laughter died as you blinked at him in surprise. “Wait, really?” He nodded. “That seriously isn’t necessary. It was like five dollars.”

“Doesn’t matter. It’s the principle.”

“Listen, you seem stubborn, but I promise you I’m worse.” You joked and the corner of his lip curled up into an amused smile that was gone as quick as it came. You almost wondered if you imagined it. “Just… the next time you’re out and you see someone struggling, pay it forward. Deal?”

He didn’t reply for a moment. Just stared, and it took all your willpower not to glance away again. Finally, he crossed his arms over his chest. You mentally cursed when your dumb eyes traced the lines of his arms. No ogling the stranger. He nodded once. “You drive a hard bargain.” A small smile cracked his otherwise solemn features and this time it lingered long enough for you to actually acknowledge it. “But you got yourself a deal, darlin’.” Your cheeks burned again at the term of endearment. He paused before holding out a hand to you. “I’m Joel.”

You shook his hand, his much larger one enveloping yours entirely, and you offered him your own name. Silence settled between the two of you, but it only lasted a beat before your orders were called out. Joel’s long stride had him at the counter before you got there. He picked up your coffee first and offered it to you before taking his own.

“Thanks.” You chirped.

“I’m thankin’ you, remember?” Joel lifted his simple cup as a reminder. He gave you a slight nod. “It was nice to meet you, darlin’.”

“Uh, you too! Hope your day gets better!” You gave him a small wave. 

Joel turned to leave and you couldn’t help but let your eyes trail up and down his entire body. His jeans could not fit him more perfectly. Ogling the stranger was okay, you decided, as long as said stranger wasn’t watching you do it. As you shamelessly checked him out, you didn’t notice your friend drift back to you. “Nice.” You jumped in surprise. Nima was grinning at you in excitement. “Please tell me you got a number.”

“A number?” You scoffed. “Are you crazy??”

“I saw sparks!”

You rolled your eyes, “You literally see sparks everywhere, Nima.”

“Okay, yeah, maybe, but one of these days I’m gonna be right.” She argued. “Statistically, speaking.”

You changed the topic of conversation, which was always easy to do with Nima, and took a sip of your coffee. It was a bit too sweet for your taste, but the trip to this pretentious coffee shop hadn’t been a complete waste. How often did people get a chance to chat with a handsome, older southern gentleman?

The bakery you worked out was a small family owned business. The owner, a cute little old man named Henry Pack, was an old friend of your father’s and when you showed interest in work he hired you without hesitation. That was two years ago. The initial plan was for this to be temporary. A way to earn money so you could pay bills and save up to finish your degree. However, life had dished out hit after hit and suddenly your temporary plan had turned more permanent. 

Plus, the shop wasn’t doing well, it wasn’t getting the traffic it used to, and Henry was getting older and older. He needed the help and even if something else came up⏤ whether it be better paying or more enjoyable⏤ you didn’t think you’d be able to leave Henry behind. Not after all he had done for you. 

You wiped down the counter once more mostly out of boredom. The last customer had been in and out nearly an hour ago. Henry walked in from the back office and you glanced over at him. He was a short, portly man with ruddy cheeks and a kind smile. It hurt your heart how stressed he had been as of late.

“Have you noticed much foot traffic outside?” He asked, hopeful.

“A bit.” You nodded. “Lunch just ended. I’m sure that’s why we have a lull.”

“Right, right.” Henry replied as if trying to convince himself.

The older man knelt down to root around in the lower cabinets. You offered to find whatever it was he was looking for, knowing he had bad knees, but he brushed your hands away stating he was just fine. With a sigh, you thought now was the best time to bring up the question that had been plaguing you.

“Henry, I need to talk to you about maybe a… a raise?”

He glanced up from where he was knelt with a frown. “I told you, hon. I can’t afford to pay you more. No matter how much I wish I could.” Henry sighed. “Well, maybe if I…”

“Never mind.” You said quickly. It was clear that your question was distressing to Henry. It wasn’t his fault you weren’t making the kind of money you needed. He was barely scraping by as well with the costs of keeping this place open. Henry gave you a sad smile⏤ an apology. He finished what he was doing and wandered back to his office. You blew out a frustrated breath. Maybe you could pick up a new job. The problem was that you were already working a crazy amount of hours here at the bakery. If you were somehow able to become the first human alive who didn't require sleep then that could work.

You covered your face with your hands and leaned back against the counter. For most of your adult life, you only had yourself to rely on financially. It was fine. That was the hand life dealt you. Nima was constantly offering to pay for certain things, or trying to loan you money, but you always refused. Too prideful to take her money with no guarantee that you’d be able to pay her back or offer her anything in return. 

The sound of a bell chime startled you and you pushed off the counter quickly to try and regather your bearings. You cleared your throat and turned toward the door to offer the guest a smile. A greeting began to leave your lips, but it was cut short when you realized you recognized the man crossing the space to reach the register. It was the handsome coffee guy from a week ago.

“Well, you’re a familiar face.” You chuckled. “Joel, right?”

“Right.” He looked surprised that you remembered his name. Joel cleared his throat and came to stand in front of the register to face you. He had on a similar outfit to the last time you saw him. Flannel and jeans, but he seemed a bit more put together today. “Are you guys closed?”

“No. It’s just a… slow day.” All the days were slow actually. You straightened your apron, the only uniform item required for you to wear, and offered him a bright grin. “What can I get for you, sir?”

Joel glanced over the menu then the display case before nodding. “Muffins?”

“Okay.” You nodded when he gave you no further information. His eyes just snapped back to you. “What kind? How many?”

His eyes widened and he forced his gaze back to the display. “Just, uh, six of the blueberry?”

You bit back an amused chuckle and moved to start packing a box with his order. It was funny to you that this man had come into a bakery without an order in mind. After closing the box, you set it on the counter in front of him. “So, do you make a habit of popping into bakeries to order random things? Just passing by and thought ‘why not?’.”

“Somethin’ like that.” Joel chuckled. He reached into his back pocket to pull out his wallet. He gave it a small wave and nodded at you. “I have money with me today.”

“Very nice. I’m impressed.”

“Thank you.” He flipped it open and pulled out a card to hand to you. You hadn’t even told him how much the muffins would be. “I triple checked before leavin’ the house.” You handed him back the receipt with his card, and Joel put them away without making any move to leave. “How long have you worked here?”

You leaned against the counter. “About 2 years now. A family friend owns the shop.”

“Are you the one who,” Joel motioned to the display, “bakes?”

It was odd to you that the man sounded so nervous about having a simple, casual conversation. It was as if he was rusty at the skill and was attempting to stretch out those old muscles. With a small, amused smile, you shrugged. “Some of it. Henry is the main baker, he’s incredible, and I learned from him.”

“Is it somethin’ you enjoy?”

“Meh.” You answered honestly. “I’ve gotten decent at it, but I don’t necessarily love it. Just sort of fell into it.” Joel nodded and his pretty brown eyes darted around like he was looking for a new conversation topic. You threw him a bone. “What about you? What do you do?” You motioned to him and teased. “I’m guessing lumberjack.”

Joel chuckled, “Lumberjack?”

“Yeah.” You pushed off the counter to stand straight. “If I squinted I‘d mix you up with the Brawny guy.” His eyebrows furrowed in confusion and you let out a mocking scoff. “You know? The paper towel lumberjack.”

You saw a flash of recognition in his eyes and a breathy laugh left him. Joel shook his head. “Can’t say I’ve gotten that one before, darlin’.” 

“Where are you from?” You blurted curiously. “There’s no way you picked up that drawl living in LA.”

“No, I didn’t.” Joel replied. “Texas. I’m from Texas.”

“Ah. That fits. You’re like a cowboy then.”

Joel rested his hands on the counter, “Am I a lumberjack or a cowboy? I’m gonna need you to make up your mind here.”

“Hm, can I get three to five business days to decide?” 

“I suppose.” Joel nodded. 

The door chime rang out and you glanced over to see another person wander in. For the first time ever, you found yourself disappointed to see a paying customer. Joel cleared his throat, dragging your attention back to him, and you watched as he opened up his wallet again to pull out a crisp five dollar bill. You laughed with a shake of your head as he shoved it into the tip jar.

“It was nice to see you again.” Joel said.

“You too. Have a good day.”

Joel picked up the box of muffins and on his way out he called back, “I’ll be back to find out if I’m a lumberjack or cowboy, darlin’. So get to thinkin'.”

Your cheeks warmed in amusement and you wondered if he was actually serious or if that was just a teasing joke. The other customer reached the register, and you turned to greet them. The stress of thinking about your bills and work life had been briefly soothed by the distraction of talking to Joel. That was nice.

Shockingly, Joel hadn’t been joking. He came back a few days later, ordering something random and on the spot, then demanded to know if he was a cowboy or a lumberjack. You had convinced him to give you more time to think as you joked that you needed further evidence to assess. That had been the start of a habit. Joel would randomly come in just to chat every few days or so and buy a new baked good from you.

A few times, he had walked in while you were helping other customers, but he always waited until they were rung up and on their way out before initiating any conversation with you. It was during the fifth visit that you could tell he was nervous about something. After some time he had gotten more comfortable talking to you, but today it was almost like he had recessed back to that first time. 

“Are you workin’ this weekend?” Joel asked after ten minutes of small talk.

“Only on Sunday.” You admitted. “I’m picking up some extra shifts.”

“More shifts? Don’t you already work ‘em all?”

You chuckled. “Not all of them, but definitely most. But, hey, that’s life, right? You work a bunch and then one day you die.” Joel always seemed uncomfortable when you talked about your work schedule in any fashion. “Why do you ask?”

He had furrowed his brow at your working comment, but it quickly smoothed out as he shifted in place. It was cute to see a man as large and intimidating as he could be squirming over whatever topic he was trying to bring up. You stayed silent and let Joel mull it over. While he worked out whatever was on his mind, you could admire how well his plain t-shirt fit him. 

“Nothin’. Just curious is all, darlin’.” Joel finally coughed out and you bit back a frown.

“What about you?”

Joel shrugged. “Workin’ some. Stayin’ busy.”

Multiple conversations ago he had revealed that he worked as some kind of contractor. You didn’t know much about that job other than it had something to do with building houses? Maybe? When you asked for more details he had stayed pretty vague.

“I should head out.” Joel cleared his throat holding the box of cookies in his hands.

“Oh. Yeah.” You nodded. “Sure. It was nice to see you as always, Joel.”

Joel gave you a tight lipped smile before turning on his heel and beginning to leave. He was halfway to the door before he spun on his heel and marched back⏤ startling you. Joel set the box down on the counter, hands resting on the edge, and kept his eyes downcast.

“I have a…proposition.” He blurted. Joel’s eyes snapped up to meet yours and the weight in those warm brown eyes nearly knocked you to your knees. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t harboring a small crush on this man. Despite him being nearly two decades older than you, if you garnered a guess, the attraction you felt to him was not affected. In fact, it probably made you a bit more attracted to him. You knew that a therapist would probably cry out ‘daddy issues’, but you also had a hard time believing anyone could not be attracted to this man.

That being said, a part of you⏤ a very small part that you were too scared to encourage⏤ was really hoping he could be asking you out to dinner or drinks. Was that silly and unrealistic? Probably. It didn’t extinguish that little flame of hope though. You shrugged. “Proposition?”

“I wanna take care of you.” Joel spoke firmly. As if by just bringing this topic up, he had shed his nerves and was focused solely on selling you whatever this proposition was. You narrowed your eyes confused at his wording. The man continued. “Help you out, darlin’.”

“With?”

“Anythin’ and everythin’.” Joel sighed. “You name it and it's yours.”

You let out a confused chuckle. It was like the tables had turned and now you were the one who felt nervous. You buried your hands into your apron pockets and tilted your head. “Not to sound dense, but, uh, what?” Joel didn’t immediately reply. He just stared at you and his eyes burned straight to your soul. A warmth churned in your belly. “I just need you to be specific about what you’re offering because it’s going to be really awkward if I’m misunderstanding you.”

“I’m offerin’ you a life of ease. You work too much, doing somethin’ you don’t even love, and even when you’re off I bet all you do is stress about havin’ to work more to afford rent and bills. Am I wrong?” Joel challenged. You twisted your lips not having a solid argument. He wasn’t wrong. “So… let me take care of you, darlin’.” The choice of his words, the sound of his accent, in his gruff voice sent chills down your spine. You swallowed the lump in your throat and squirmed under his heavy gaze. “I’d love nothin’ more.”

“Nothing more? I… I don’t think that’s usually how that works.” You mumbled softly. An almost sickening feeling filled your gut. No amount of attraction to Joel would soften the idea of him paying you for sex. That’s what he was asking right? Joel makes you comfortable, pays all your bills, and in return you fuck him? 

Joel must have noticed the shift in your mood because he held out a hand in surrender. “I know what you’re thinkin’. Not like that. I wouldn’t expect…” He winced. A bit of his nerves crept back into his features. “I wanna take care of you, and all I ask in return is that you allow me to do that. Offer some platonic company. Someone to talk to. Plus, occasionally, I’d need…a date. No strings there either. Work drags me to a bunch of real stupid conferences and outings. Having someone to talk to durin’ those things would be…nice.”

“That’s it?” You found it hard to fully trust that. As much as you had enjoyed your conversations with him, you still barely knew him. “You’d offer someone a little cash to chat with them?”

“Not just a little cash.” Joel said firmly. “Everything. Takin’ care of you isn’t somethin’ I’d want to half ass, darlin’.”

“That’s even less believable.” You said skeptically.

Joel nodded. “Fair. How about this,” He cleared his throat, “You said you’re off Saturday?” You nodded. “Let’s meet. Talk about this. No pressure. You can ask any and all questions you have.”

You chewed on your lower lip in thought. Saturday was two days away. “Can I think about that? Before I even agree to meet you.”

“Of course.” Joel nodded. He pulled a business card from his wallet and held it out for you to take. You reached out for it, and the brush of his fingers against your hands gave you goosebumps. “I want you to be comfortable. Call me if you’d like. Or… if you’d rather never see or contact me again I⏤ I get that too, darlin’.”

You stared down at the card, but realized it wasn’t a business card like you thought. It was the same size, but he had scribbled his name and cell phone number on it for you. Joel mumbled a quick good-bye before heading to the door again. You called out to him, looking up from the card, and he paused to glance over his shoulder.

“Why me?” You questioned. It seemed so random. Situations like this didn’t happen to people like you. They happened to people like Nima. People who were willing to step out of their comfort zone and put themselves out there. This couldn’t possibly have stemmed from this man forgetting his wallet one day and you being in the vicinity to fix that problem.

Joel’s lips curled up into a small smile and he shrugged. “I, uh, I like talkin’ to you, is all.”

The chime of the door as he left echoed through the otherwise quiet room. Your eyes glanced back down to the card where ten numbers stared up at you dauntingly. Just above it, written in a messy scrawl, was his first and last name. ‘Joel Miller’. It wasn’t until you read his name for the seventh time that you realized you were actually considering his offer.

[next]

✨J.M. Masterlist✨

[sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog]

You may wonder what this whole Awesome Coffee Club thing is all about. Today I was reminded what it’s all about:

In 2019, the unpaid intern who runs this tumblr account visited Sierra Leone’s Kono District. Kono is the among the most impoverished communities in the world due to a long history of enslavement, colonialism, and civil war. A decade ago, Kono’s healthcare system was in a state of collapse--clinics had no running water or electricity or paid staff, and inconsistent supplies of medications and other necessities.

As a result, Kono was the epicenter of the global maternal mortality crisis: One out of every seventeen women could expect to die in childbirth. Over 10% of children died before the age of five. 

Beginning in 2014, Partners in Health began working with Sierra Leone’s Ministry of Health to bring change. This started with the basics at the region’s hospital, Koidu Government Hospital: running water, 24-hour electricity, and hiring nurses, community healthworkers, cooks, facilities management staff, and so much more. 

At the time, KGH’s maternity ward had a dirt floor. Many people were dying for want of an emergency C-section or a blood transfusion. By 2019, this was getting better--two functioning operating rooms were able to perform C-sections, and a blood bank could address postpartum hemorrhaging. But it was still inadequate, and maternal and child mortality were horrifyingly routine.

To address the crisis, PIH Sierra Leone directors Jon Lascher and Dr. Baillor Barrie wanted to build a world-class maternal and child health center that could save thousands of lives yearly while also serving as a teaching hospital to train the next generation of Sierra Leonean healthcare workers. They told us they needed $25,000,000 to break ground, and would probably eventually need another $25,000,000 to support the hospital’s operation over its first few years.

I am, as unpaid interns go, doing quite well, but not THAT well. So our family committed what we could and asked others to join us, and within two years, we passed that $25,000,000 goal. Together, we’ve now raised close to $40,000,000. 

Today, I visited the site of the Maternal Center of Excellence, the first wards of which will hopefully open next year. Nearly all of the construction team are from Kono, and 65% of them are women--they work as welders, engineers, planners, laborers, and so much more. You see three of them above. I had the privilege of talking with them about this project. The young woman to the right, Success, told me that her dream is to work for the hospital her whole life, helping to maintain and support it. One of the other women told me, “We are passionate about this work because it is the future of our country. And we know that we and our friends will someday give birth here.” I am so proud that our projects support their training and livelihood, and so grateful to have them as colleagues in this work.

The hospital--which will include over 100 maternal beds, a NICU, and enough operating suites to perform over 10 emergency C-sections per day, will also require ongoing funding for staff, stuff, systems, maintenance, and more. Our hope is that open-ended projects like the Awesome Coffee Club and Awesome Socks Club can help provide that funding, although the most efficient way to support this project is to donate directly! 

So that’s why this tumblr, and the awesome coffee club, exists. World-class maternal and infant healthcare is coming to Kono, a wonderful and  too long impoverished by colonialism and extractive capitalism. It is only a first step. There is so long to go. But what a first step.

[macgyvermedical]

How to Go To a U.S. Hospital in 2022

Welcome to the hospital. You may have heard that we're understaffed. We are. We are no longer in a position to live up to the hospital experience you had back in 2019.

This post is about how to get the best possible care despite these trying times. Much of it is also applicable to long term care facilities and other institutions who are running on empty.

The Emergency Department

Consider: Do you have to go to an emergency department to get the care you need? If you need a prescription or a covid test or an inhaler or an x-ray or a STI test or basic diagnosis and otherwise you're probably fine, go to your doctor, a quick clinic, or an urgent care. You will not get care faster in the emergency room. I promise. Go to the ED if you are reasonably sure you would die or lose a limb if you didn't.

The ED is not first come first served. People who are going to die if they are not seen get seen first. If you are stable, even if you are in pain, be prepared to wait. At the height of covid we had stable people waiting for over 24 hours in the waiting area. We also cannot legally tell you to go somewhere else, even if we're pretty sure you're not sick enough to get seen anytime soon.

Bring your home meds. You are going to be there a while and you might not get in a bed in time to get your next dose. Even when you do, it takes a long time for a doctor to order your home meds. We never intended you to stay here for 4 days, so the infrastructure isn't there. Also, bringing your home meds is going to save you money.

RE: the above- tell us what you're taking, when you're taking it. We do want to know that so we don't give you anything that would interact with it. We also really want you to keep taking your home meds so you don't get worse.

Bring a charging cord for your phone, a change of clothes, a book, and if the visitation rules allow, a friend. You're going to be here a while.

The Emergency Department is designed to figure out what's wrong with you and do things that will save your life or help you leave the ED without having to get admitted. Sometimes the ED will treat pain, but each pain medication dose is ordered separately, so it's probably not going to be on the time scale you want or need. I hate to say this, but do keep asking. We have been really conditioned to assume if you stop asking, you're not in pain anymore.

If they tell you not to eat, or not to take a certain med, follow that advice. I know you've probably been there for a while and no one's told you why you can't do these things. That's not great. Ask why if you can, but assume the request is legit.

In order for you to be admitted, you need to be sick enough that they can't just kick you out with a cab voucher, a prescription, and a turkey sandwich. That's pretty dang sick these days. Pretty much, you have to be in danger of dying or losing a limb if you don't get admitted. And also, a bed in the hospital has to become available that can accommodate your needs. This usually means someone else has to get discharged or die. That might take a while, because they were just as sick as you when they came in.

The Hospital Floor

So they decided to admit you, a bed became available, and transport finally showed up to take you to your new bed.

Bring the following: A charger for your phone (I know you'd think we have these, but I swear we don't- they've all been stolen). If you smoke, bring nicotine lozenges or gum (you can't smoke or vape here. We have patches, but if you wait until you need a cig, it's too late for a patch to work, and if you try to sneak out most places will not let you back on the floor and you'll have to go back to the ED). If you have heartburn regularly, bring tums (we can order you tums, but you'll only be able to take like 1 every other hour, and let's be honest, if you use tums you usually need more than that). If you take a weird med, bring it (especially HIV drugs, chemo drugs, and meds for autoimmune conditions, because it takes forever to get some of these because we don't always have them on site). If you have severe allergies, consider bringing your own food. Seriously.

RE the above: Tell us what you're taking, when you're taking it.

Do not bring narcotics. There's too much liability on our end. Both because we cannot control how much you take if they are in your possession and if we find them we have to call security to watch us count them and store them in a locked drawer and which will be destroyed in 30 days if you forget to ask for them on the way out. It's just a hassle and someone is always in danger of getting sued over it.

If you drink more than 4 drinks a day, or use street drugs, tell us. Tell us please please tell us. We will not tell the cops. If we know, we will then be able to ask you questions about your withdrawal symptoms and can give you meds to control them. If you wait until you start swinging at us and having seizures we will not be happy.

Also, if you're on MAT, tell us. We don't automatically re-order suboxone or vivitrol like we do other meds. Addiction med has to be consulted, come see you, and work miracles to get that ordered for you while you're in the hospital.

If you see pain management, tell us as early as you can. Pain management has to be consulted and then work absolute miracles to get the admitting providers to order your home regimen, because anything more than 10mg of oxycodone every 4 hours is terrifying to them, even if you take 160mg of methodone everyday at home without a problem. The sooner they know you're here, the less likely you'll be miserable for a week before those things can be re-ordered.

Also, bring a friend. Seriously. I'm not kidding please bring a friend who is willing to help take care of you- things like turn you, help you dress, feed you, hold your hair back when you puke, and change your sheets when you pee the bed. And please bring someone you feel will follow the rules and ask before getting you something. You don't want to stay longer just because your friend brought you food you weren't supposed to eat because they felt bad for you.

A scheduled event is not really scheduled. Yes, you might have been told that your surgery is scheduled for 8am. You might have been told your dialysis was going to be "this afternoon". These things are not set in stone, and unless you are literally and currently dying, nothing is happening "right now". I have watched people wait days for appendectomies, gallbladder removals, displaced fractures, and other urgent-but-not-immediately-life-threatening problems. All a late intervention means is that someone else would have died if they did it as scheduled.

MOVE. Barring an unstable pelvic fracture or two broken femurs, if you can get out of bed and walk around, walk (ask your nurse if they want you to ask for assistance when you get out of bed to prevent falls). If you can't, sit up in a chair for part of the day. If you can't do that, move around in bed- roll back and forth, bend your knees, point your toes, do anything to keep you moving. If you're in pain, take pain medication strategically and move when it's most effective.

6:30 to 9:30, day or night, is the worst time period to put your call light on. Report time is 7 o'clock, meaning we have about a half hour to learn about our patients and set up our day, after which we have about 15 mins allotted per patient to assess the person, discuss goals for the day, find and pass daily medications, get vitals and blood sugar if applicable, and do anything the patient needs to get them set up for the day (water, pain meds, set up tray/feed, toilet, etc...). Put it on if you need to, but know that it will take a lot longer to be answered during these time periods than any other time of day.

You can refuse anything you want to refuse. You just can't sue us about it later. You can even say "I know you told me to do this thing, I am not doing it, please document accordingly". We will probably try to explain the consequences of not doing the thing. I recommend you listen, but the choice is certainly and always up to you.

You can leave against medical advice. It is also a thing you can do. As long as you let us tell you the risks, you can leave with prescriptions, education, and a wheelchair ride to the front door if you care to stick around for an hour or so after you declare you would like to leave. Some insurance companies have rules about this, which you can find by calling them. Just call and ask "what are the consequences of leaving against medical advice?" Some insurances don't have any consequences, some will completely refuse to pay for the stay, and some will refuse to pay for a second ED trip or admission within 30 days for the same problem.

Our prioritization system is: Critical (CPR, evaluating changes in status, dealing with changes in vital signs) Urgent (bed change for incontinent patient, pain/nausea/time-sensitive meds, drawing stat labs, answering phone calls from doctors, etc..) Routine (scheduled meds, scheduled assessments, calling family members, basic comfort things, ambulating patients, education, etc..) and Extra (everything else that has to do with comfort but isn't necessarily going to change outcomes).

I have had whole shifts where I don't do anything that isn't critical or urgent (with one routine med pass that was really late). I've rarely had a shift in the last 3 years where I've been able to do anything extra.

We're doing our best. Seriously. Nearly every shift I've worked has been absolutely flat out for 12 hours, and it takes a solid 2 days actually to recover from 2 days in a row of work. I would say I rarely get a full lunch break. Our patients are more and more complicated, and the decisions higher and higher stakes. Please understand. If you or a loved one hasn't been seen by the nurse in a few hours, it just means we're not as worried about you as the person down the hall who keeps trying to die.

We wish we could give you 2019 care. We really, really do. We don't have the resources for that anymore. We are triaging. The hotel vibe they were trying to present in 2019 is in the facility design only. You have to bring your own bells and whistles. You have to help us help you now.

[glorious-spoon]

Hi :) I hope I'm not too late, I'd love prompt no.7 for buck and eddie :)

hi, and thank you! sorry it's so late! <3

7. a kiss to shut them up

-

"Your timing is fucking terrible," Eddie hisses, sounding halfway to laughing his ass off.

Buck dissolves into giggles, pushing his face into Eddie's warm shoulder in a futile attempt to muffle them. Partly, it's sheer surprise; for someone whose career trajectory has consisted of war zones and emergency services, Eddie really doesn't swear that much. Buck assumes it's mostly for Christopher's sake, plus maybe a lingering childhood terror of what his abuela would do to him if she ever heard the word fuck leave his mouth.

Mostly, though, it's because—shit, he's right, he really is. Buck has never had so much as a nodding acquaintance with good timing. He fell in love with Abby while her mom was dying in her living room. He fell in love with Eddie—well, a long time ago, in retrospect, but he realized he was in love with Eddie when they were still both dating other people. 

And right now, he's got Eddie backed into a literal storage closet at his sister's literal wedding. He's supposed to make a toast in about ten minutes. Chimney is never going to let them hear the end of it if he catches wind of this.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry," he hiccups, and Eddie snickers and pats his back in the close darkness. Buck can feel the shape of his grin against his forehead. His plush lower lip, which Buck was just kissing.

"Shush."

"I was gonna wait for the reception. Honest." He had an entire plan. He was going to give his toast—his notes are still crumpled in his jacket pocket—and finish his glass of champagne, and ask Eddie to dance. After that, his plan loses detail, but he did have one.

"Mm. Glad you didn't."

"Yeah? Why's that?"

"Well," Eddie says, catching his cheek and turning him slightly. "Means I can do this again, for one thing."

He's being kissed again a moment later, languidly sweet and somehow even more thrilling than the first one was. It's not like he thought Eddie wasn't on board with this; Eddie kissed him back then, too. But now there's no surprise in it at all, and that makes it better.

"You could do that on the dance floor," Buck says, then cringes a moment later. Because just because—this doesn't mean Eddie wants an audience. Or wants anyone to know. Or wants anything at all, other than to make out with Buck in this linen closet in the nice outdoor venue that Maddie and Chim chose while the loudspeakers play some sweetly forgettable pop song over the sound of the wedding guests filtering in.

"Definitely can't do everything I want on the dance floor," Eddie says, low and dark and promising.

"Eddie."

"Just saying."

Buck laughs again, a little hysterical. "You've, uh, you've been thinking about this, huh?"

"Yeah," Eddie says easily. "Glad you finally did something about it. I would have just wound myself up with nerves forever."

"I was going to ask you to dance," Buck blurts.

"Yeah?" Eddie asks. He's smiling; Buck can hear it in his voice. Wishes suddenly that he could see it on his face too. It seems suddenly ridiculous that they're crowded in a fucking closet. Not the metaphorical vibe he was going for.

"Yeah," Buck says.

"I would have said yes."

"Oh," Buck says, and it's shaky, a little. Tellingly shaky. Eddie's hand is warm and gentle on his cheek, his voice soft.

"I'm still gonna say yes. If you ask."

Buck breathes out softly, relieved. "Maybe you'll ask me."

"Maybe I will."

"Maybe we should get back out there before—oh shit," he adds, when the nearest door swings open. Footsteps clatter on the flagstones, and realistically Buck really should shut up now, but he's never been good at that. "Eddie, if we get caught in here Maddie is gonna—actually, you know what, Chimney is gonna kill us, and—"

He can't keep talking, abruptly, because he's being kissed again, with a thoroughness that makes him dizzy. Eddie's got his hands fisted in Buck's lapels, and his mouth is hot and insistent, and Buck could stay here happily forever, he thinks dizzily.

"Shh," Eddie whispers when they finally break apart, so Buck kisses him again instead of talking. They lose a happy few minutes like that before finally breaking apart, breathing quietly.

"I think the coast is clear," Buck whispers after a moment. Eddie hums a quiet assent, so he pushes the closet door open.

The coast is clear, for now. The terracotta flooring echoes like crazy; nobody's gonna sneak up on them now. But Eddie looks exactly like someone was just making out with him in a storage closet, and Buck suspects he's not much better off, by the glint in Eddie's eyes: half familiar fond amusement, half something else entirely.

"I have to go make a speech," Buck says, as much to his own libido as anything else.

"Uh huh," Eddie says, and does not stop looking at him like that.

Before either of them can try to fix their clothes, or take a step closer, there's a sharp rap at the door. They jump apart just as Hen ducks her head in and gives them a deeply amused look.

"They're asking for you, Buckaroo," she says.

"Oh, I, um, yeah," Buck says, and pats his pocket frantically. He's desperately glad he kept his notes; his entire speech has flown out of his head.

Eddie starts laughing quietly. Hen scoffs and steps into the room.

"Come here," she says, briskly twitching Buck's collar straight and tugging her fingers through his hair.

"You're not gonna fix Eddie up, too?" Buck asks, because there's clearly no point in denying what they were just up to.

"He's not giving a speech," Hen retorts. She steps back, pats his cheek lightly, and smiles. "Not that it would matter, honestly. Those two don't have eyes for anyone other than each other right now. You could show up naked and I doubt they'd notice."

Eddie sputters; Buck laughs out loud. Because he gets that; he gets it intimately. Even now, he can't stop looking at Eddie. Doesn't ever want to stop looking at him, but especially now, in this moment of thrilled wonder. "Yeah, okay."

"Come on," Hen says. She starts back out of the room, toward the reception, and as they fall into step behind her, Buck reaches shyly for Eddie's hand and finds him already reaching back.

-

(from these kiss prompts)

[playbucky]

Speak of the Dead.

You manage to escape from your attempted kidnapping, an unexpected person shows up when the doctors call your emergency contact.  Characters – Reader, Reacher, Neagley, Chris, Karla Word Count - 1k.

‘Neagley -,’ you stopped when the larger person stepped into the room, ‘what’s he doing here?’  ‘He was with me when I got the call.’ She told you, you moved in your bed.  ‘Coulda dropped him off somewhere.’ You grumbled.  ‘I would’ve but you know he’s like a stray, always finds you.’ Neagley replied, you arched an eyebrow.  ‘What happened?’ Reacher quizzed.  ‘Pretty sure you’ve already asked the nurse.’ You told him.  ‘Y/N.’ He warned, you glared at him.  ‘Three busted ribs, fractured eye socket, broken nose, serve blood loss and a brand-new scar. It’s like Christmas.’ You replied sarcastically, you lifted your arms and shook them.  ‘Well at least they never took away your best quality.’ Neagley commented, you arched your brow the best you could with the swelling.  ‘Oh wow, tryna piss off the injured, real nice.’ You joked, she smiled and glanced to Reacher.  ‘You know who did it?’ Reacher quizzed, his brows were drawn together, you shook your head.  ‘Wore masks, generic height and build.’ You listed off your attackers.  You watched Neagley and Reacher share a look, you moved in your bed, a hiss escaped your lips. Reacher moved quickly, the space he had kept between you vanished, you raised a hand for him to stop which he did and glared down at you.  ‘I know how to draw them out.’ You breathed out as you got comfy.  ‘We’re not using you as bait.’ Reacher said quickly, you dropped your hand onto his forearm, his warmth spread over your palm.   ‘Good to know that’s where your brain goes but we are, or rather my body.’ You patted his arm.  ‘They’re after the team, so let’s give them the team.’ You suggested, you looked at Neagley who hadn’t moved from the bottom of the bed.  ‘Y/N.’ She said, head tilted as she had a rough idea as to where your thoughts were going.  ‘Pretty sure I was pronounced dead, so someone can work their magic and I can stay dead.’ You suggested.  ‘You’d want to be dead?’ Reacher asked, you sighed.  ‘Being alive hasn’t really lived up to what people have told me is should.’ You leaned back into the pillows to look up at him.    ‘You look like shit.’ Karla commented as she entered the motel room, you chuckled and moved from the bathroom to the chair. Reacher's arm moved at his side, Karla’s brows pinched slightly as she looked at him.  ‘Yeah, nice to see you guys again.’ You grumbled, a hand wrapped around your chest to try and ease the ache.   ‘Been up too much?’ Karla asked, you scoffed and shook your head.  ‘Just dying.’ You commented, you lowered yourself into the chair, she chuckled.  ‘Heard the pair of your got married?’ You said, Reacher looked to her and O’Donnell, his brows furrowed deeply as Neagley chuckled at his shook.  ‘Yeah, he’s had two kids as well.’ Karla commented.  ‘Oft, I'm surprised she’s put up with you for so long, two kids and an adult one?’ You said, an eyebrow arched as you looked at him.  ‘One on the way as well.’ He added happily, you smiled widely.  ‘Well congrats, boy or girl?’  ‘Don’t know.’ O’Donnell commented, he shrugged.  ‘Are they safe?’ You asked.  ‘Yeah, she knows what to do.’ He said, you nodded.  ‘Good, your husband?’ You asked Karla, she nodded which eased you slightly.  ‘He’s safe as well.’  ‘Looks like we’re set.’ You said, they all nodded, ‘Anyone fancy dinner?’ You asked and moved to get out the chair, Reacher held a hand out to stop you.  ‘Reacher and I will get it, you need to rest.’ Karla said, you looked at her annoyed, ‘Still the same toppings?’ She quizzed, you nodded.  ‘Keep -,’  ‘The door locked, we know.’ You, Neagley and O’Donnell said, Reacher looked defeated before he followed Karla out and shut the door behind him. Both their silhouettes walked past the window, Neagley slid the lock over.  ‘They’re the reason we never worked out, right?’ Karla turned to Reacher, who arched an eyebrow, ‘Y/N, you’ve always been focused on them.’ She continued, he didn’t reply.  ‘I don’t blame you, I guess I was naive for thinking anything would show between us.’ She added, Reacher focused ahead of him. 

‘What you doing back?’ You quizzed as he marched into the room, he set the carrier bag onto the small chair that sat at the window, he continued to walk towards you.  ‘I think I might stay awhile.’ He stated, you watched as he lowered himself into the bed next to you, his hand landed next to your knee, his finger twitched slightly.  ‘Reacher settle down? We must be at the end of the world.’ You joked, he looked at you over his shoulder.  ‘Not the end, just until you’re healed up.’ He said, your eyebrows jumped up.  ‘You’re staying for me?’ You asked, your hands moved from your crossed legs to your chest, he nodded.  ‘Shoulda stayed a long time ago.’ He admitted, you shook your head.  ‘I’m capable of looking after myself.’ You replied, his hand landed on your knee before he squeezed it.  ‘You shouldn’t have to be, I’m gonna be here.’ He told you, he didn’t break eye contact with you.  ‘Reacher.’ You breathed, you placed your hand on top of his, your thumb stroked across the back.  ‘Don’t try and convince me, I’m staying.’ He said, his gaze dropped to your joined hands.  ‘I was going to say thank you.’ You informed him, he looked up to you before you both smiled at each other. 

Tags (you all commented on my post) - @mariahill2001 @redpool @wolflover384 @jayblackpanther @incognito2252 @charmed-asylum @erajoie07 @midnightstar-90 @yourlocalnegroko @honestlysublimecherryblossom ~@annacavillsblog @cynic-spirit

[going-dead]

Horses not Unicorns

Prompt by @eyesofcrows : in some hospitals, CPR is done to a patient despite them being declared dead on arrival. This is a courtesy to the family. The doctor doesn't expect the scream when they lay down the defibrillator paddles on the boy's chest.

Dr. Cecelia Martinez had worked as an ED doctor for longer than some of the nurses under her had even been alive. She saw more gruesome scenes in one week than most people would in their entire lives if they were lucky. She would even say she’d seen it all if she wanted to be stupid and jinx herself.

She took one of the coffees out of the cup carrier in her hands and placed it in front of Lily, the nurse on shift with her. “Your cream with a dash of coffee.” 

“Thanks Martinez. And stop ragging on me about how much cream I put in my coffee, it tastes good.” Lily nodded her head not taking her eyes off of the computer screen in front of her. She was finishing up the chart notes for the last patient who’d came in and reviewing the work of their med student.. 

“Anything for you. Lord knows I wouldn’t last a week without you here. But never, it’s an affront to caffeine. I didn’t consume gallons of the stuff back in school, or on these night shifts just for you blaspheming it like you do. Look at it, it’s lighter than a person dying of blood loss.” Dr. Martinez took the other cup out of the holder and handed it to the medical student shadowing her for the next few weeks, Brian. 

Or well he was supposed to. Not many of the students just starting their rotations make it long in the emergency department, especially if it was one of their first rotations, even less come back to work there when they graduate. The kid only started the night before so she hadn’t had much of a time to get a grasp on what he was made of. 

“Thank you Dr. Martinez.” Brian gave her a small smile as she took a seat. “Can I ask a question?”

“That’s why you’re here isn’t it? And drop the title stuff, if you won’t call me Cecelia you can at least call me Martinez.” She looked Brian up and down, he was either restless or nervous, or perhaps both , with how he tapped his finger and his leg hadn’t stopped moving up and down.

“Uh okay. It’s just I was wondering, we’ve hardly seen any patients come in. Is it always this slow?” Brian asked.

“God damn it Brian!” Lily shouted, startling the poor med student.

“What? Did I do something wrong when charting?” His eyes widened. 

Dr. Martinez wouldn’t deny it had been…less than busy. It was already four in the morning and the most interesting thing they had seen that night was someone coming in for back pain because they pulled a muscle. A quick lidocaine patch and he was on his way. Of course now that Brian had challenged fate, there was very little chance the night would continue on with such ease. “You spoke words never to be spoken in a hospital setting. The forbidden ‘s’ word.”

Brian rolled his eyes. “I didn’t think medical professionals would be so superstitious.”

“Not superstition if it’s true.” Lily huffed, she had already downed her coffee in preparation. Dr. Martinez quickly followed suit. 

Almost on cue one of the triage nurses burst through the doors as the intercom spoke out overhead. “Code blue, pediatric male, ED waiting room.”

Dr. Martinez swore jumping up from her seat. “Lily get the crash room prepared and get peds down here. Brian with me.” She followed the triage nurse into the waiting room not giving the student time to catch up with her. 

Who the patient was, was obvious. Even if there wasn’t a nurse actively transferring him into a gurney. He was the only person under the age of thirty in the waiting room. 

Dr. Martinez turned to the man hovering near the child. “You dad?”

The man shook his head. “Teacher, William Lancer, we’re on a school trip one of the students noticed he wasn’t breathing in his sleep, and well-can you help him.” 

“We’ll do the best we can. Do you know of any health conditions, allergies, medications?” She questioned.

William Lancer shook his head. “No. Danny’s perfectly healthy for a kid his age, despite being on the smaller side.”

He was correct about him being on the smaller side of his age group, looking at him, she would’ve said he was fifteen at most, not seventeen. Dr. Martinez followed the nurses to the crash room. They had already started to put the leads of the AED onto the patient when she walked in. 

The likelihood of the kid making it was slim to none. Even if he did the effect of his brain not having oxygen for so long. She was aware of that. If he hadn’t been breathing since he was found and then the whole trip to the hospital…Well it was her job to at least try. 

Brian was just standing and staring at the body infront of them as Dr. Martinez started an IV line letting the nurses start to bag the patient and the others finished up with the AED preparations. “Brian get moving or get out of the way.”

“He’s just a kid.” He stared.

“No pulse, Starting compressions!” A nurse called out.

Brian flinched at the sound of ribs breaking under the strain of chest compressions. “Someone get the student out of here.” She yelled.

That snapped him out of his stupor. “No I can do this, what do you want me to do?”

“Take over the bagging.” She instructed, it was probably one of the simpler tasks she could give him, as long as he didn’t pop the patients' lung. 

She heard the AED speak up, still no pulse, still no, shockable rhythm. “Administering epinephrine.” 

They continued like that for five more minutes, staff switching out doing compressions or bagging. Passing medications. But they all knew the chances.

Or they thought they did.

“We got a new reading!” Lily shouted.

Dr. Martinez looked over at the EKG reading. “He’s in V-fib, get the AED ready to shock.” 

The staff waited on bated breath as they let the AED examine the patient’s heart rhythm. “Shock advised. Charging. Stand clear. Press the flashing button to deliver shock.”

“Clear?” Dr. Martinez made eye contact with each person standing around the patient. A chorus of clears rang out in response. 

“Clear!” Dr. Martinez did a final call before she pressed the button to deliver the shock.

Cardiac arrests were not an uncommon sight in the emergency department. She’d see plenty more by the time she hit retirement. But it was usually older people, people who’d lived at least a somewhat long life. No matter how many times a child or even a young adult came into the ED like this it was hard on everyone involved. She always tried longer on kids. Despite knowing the very slim chance of them being revived. The chances were practically zero here. She mourned the fact that this was Brian’s first cardiac arrest with them. There was no chance any reasonable person would stay after this.

It wasn’t her first to wouldn’t be her last, but just like the others and the ones to come Cecelia Martinez knew she would never forget his face.

Especially since he did something frankly impossible for someone who had just received CPR and an electric shock. He sat up and screamed.

It was only years of experience that Dr. Martinez was able to dodge the kick sent her way. Brian was not so lucky getting clocked in the face with a fist. 

“Hey, hey, hey. You need to lay down. You’re in the hospital, your teacher says you stopped breathing and you went into cardiac arrest. Can you tell me your name, do you remember where you were last? Or the date?” Dr. Martinez asked placing herself directly into the teenager's line of sight. 

He placed a hand on his chest and took a slow deep breath. Something that had to be incredibly painful with broken ribs. “Huh, I-yeah. Danny Fenton. I was in my hotel room. It’s March 27th. Did you electrocute me?”

No obvious damage to neurological function. He got the date wrong but only by four hours, it was the 28th now. “Yes Danny, we did have to shock you. We’re going to have to run quite a few tests to make sure everything is working okay now.” And to see how he was even talking.

“Oh, no I’m okay.” Danny looked back where Brian was holding his shoulder where he was punched, and winced. “Shit, sorry dude are you alright?”

“How about you all go chart, or help Brian get ice or something for his shoulder. Lily let his teacher know he’s joined us back in the land of the living.” Dr. Martinez not so kindly giving them all the hint to get out.

Danny tried to hide a laugh in a cough. An interesting reaction for someone who had briefly died. “Young man I don’t think you realize what you just went through. I understand you are most likely in shock but you need to understand the gravity of the situation. Healthy kids do not just suddenly stop breathing, and we need to understand why.”

“It’s not a big deal, I promise. I just have sleep apnea.” Danny explained.

“Your heart stopped.” Dr. Martinez deadpanned. 

“It’s a very serious condition.” Danny nodded his head like he was agreeing with her. 

There was a knock on the door, opening just a moment after. Lily brining in Danny’s teacher. “War and Peace, Danny are you alright?”

“Yeah I’m fine.”

“No he is not” Dr. Martinez said at the same time. “We had to perform CPR. We’ll have to do tests to make sure everything has resumed functioning as normal as they can, as well as an x-ray to assess the damage to his ribs.” 

“Of course. I have gotten in contact with his older sister and she is on the way, she should be here in a few hours. His parents are currently unavailable.” William Lancer explained.

“Jazz is coming?” Danny groaned. The most negative emotion he had displayed since he’d gotten here. “And hours? As in multiple? I don’t want to be here that long.”

“You’ll be here a few days minimum for observation.” Dr. Martinez said.

The boy flopped back onto the gurney with much more aggressiveness than he should have with what he just went through. “I don’t like hospitals.”

Dr. Martinez sighed. “Not may people do, doctors can be intimidating sometimes. White coat syndrome isn’t abnormal.”

Danny wrinkled his nose. “I don’t care about doctors. It’s too loud here, there’s too much death.” 

It was quiet in the room, she wasn’t sure what he was talking about. 

“I can leave the sooner I get those tests done right?” He asked.

“As long as everything is normal.” Dr. Martinez nodded. They wouldn’t be, they couldn’t be. 

“As long as it’s all normal.” Danny repeated “Alright let’s get started.”

Dr. Martinez was reading the x-ray and other test results when Danny’s older sister arrived. She double-checked the results and viewed the images dozens of times. 

Barring the traces of epinephrine still in his system, all the tests were completely normal. His ribs weren’t even broken. 

But that wasn’t possible. She heard the bones break. 

The best course of action she supposed was to talk to Danny and his sister. She made her way to the room they moved him to. She seemed to enter the middle of a conversation. 

“I swear when I get my hands on him. He traps me in the middle of a dream and then I’m waking up thinking I’m dying again. And now they’re trying to keep me here for no reason!” 

“I mean, technically in their eyes you did die. It’s a valid concern.”

“Still don’t see why it’s such a big deal though, I’m fine.”

“Normal people don’t recover that fast Danny. It of course would raise some questions.”

“How was I supposed to know how quick people recover from dying?”

“Common sense, I’d assume.” “Ugh. When do mom and dad get back?��

“Few days, you’re still stuck with me until then. Lucky for you in this situation. They’d have a lot more questions.”

Dr. Martinez opened the door fully making her presence known. “You must be Jazz. I’m Danny’s doctor, Dr. Martinez.” 

“Nice to meet you Dr. Martinez. Thank you for taking care of my brother.” Jazz smiled shaking her hand.

“Well he certainly gave us quite the fright. It’s not often people come back from a cardiac arrest punching.” More like they never did.

“Well he’s always liked to exceed expectations.” Jazz nodded..“Do you have the discharge paperwork?”

“Discharge?” Danny’s teacher had said Jazz was one of the most responsible people he knew despite her younger age. And she wanted to discharge her brother? “Miss Fenton discharging him so soon-”

“Is well within my rights as his temporary legal guardian while our parents are unavailable.”

Dr. Martinez refrained from sighing. “And where exactly are your parents?”

“Out of the country at the moment.” Danny supplied. “Work trip.”

“I see. Regardless I can’t just let you leave just hours after you went into cardiac arrest.”

“Did my tests come back wrong?” He asked.

‘No, your tests came back completely normal.” 

“Then I don’t see why I can't leave?”

“That is exactly why you can’t leave. We don’t even know what caused this.” She would rather have him stay voluntarily than try to chance getting a court order.

“I do know though.”

“You know?” Dr. Martinez found that hard to believe. “Why would that be?”

“Ghosts.”

“Ghosts?”

“That’s what I said.” Danny nodded.

Court order it was. “I’m going to step out and talk to your teacher. Please remain here.”

She stepped out the door. Finding William Lancer was not difficult, he was in the chair right outside the door. “Sir, may I ask you a question?”

He stood up. “Yes of course. Is everything alright?”

“Unusually enough, yes. But it has more to do with something Danny mentioned about the reason for his episode.” She rubbed at her temple. “He said it was because of and I quote ‘ghosts’.”

“Oh.”

“Yes. So you see why it wouldn’t be a good idea to let him leave.”

 “I thought they wouldn’t be a problem so far from Amity Park.”

“What?”

“We didn’t bring any anti-ghost equipment for that reason. Obviously that was a major oversight on me and the rest of the schools staff on this trip.”

She was starting to think perhaps school was a code word for cult. Or maybe wherever they were from had some serious chemical leaks going on. “Could you please just talk to the two of them and try to convince them not to leave? I do not think it would be a good idea to let him go so soon.”

“Oh definitely. Even if it is ghosts that’s not something we can let go without making sure he is okay.” He nodded and went to open the door.

“Great Gatsby, not again.” William Lancer sighed as he entered the room.

“What? What is it?” Dr. Martinez asked pushing past him. Had Danny collapsed? 

Danny had not collapsed, in fact Danny was no longer in the room. No one was. 

But she had been standing next to the door the entire time. There was no way they could have left without her noticing. “Where did they go?”

“Back home, probably. Or well on their way there, I’d assume.” 

“But how did they leave, we were standing infront of the door.”

He just gave a tired shrug. “It’s not the first time he’s disappeared with no feasible way to. Happens more and more by the year I swear. He wasn’t nearly this bad at fourteen. Still a handful, just a different way. But if he’s feeling well enough to sneak out there's not much I can do.” 

“Do you think that their behavior is possibly linked to their parents?” They had mentioned that their parents were out of the country on a business trip. Perhaps they were taught to mistrust hospital staff by their parents out of fear of social workers.

“The whole family is strange, their parents are scientists to put simply. But not in the way you’re thinking. They’re just strange in a city full of strange people and strange things. If that is all, I do need to return to the rest of my students. Have a good night, or well a good morning I suppose.” He gave her a smile before walking off.

Dr. Martinez walked back towards her office thoughts cluttered. Ghosts, a perfectly healthy teenage boy’s heart stopping. The way he acted it was less that the shock reset his heart rhythm and more like it simply surprised him enough that his functions resumed their normal activities. His ribs broke, then they weren’t. He had no side effects from being shocked, let alone from going so long with no oxygen going to his brain. No one who knew him seemed to think the things going on were weird. Simply another day. 

Brian was sitting in the extra chair in her office. He looked up at the sound of her entering. “How’s the patient?”

“Gone.” 

“Gone? How?”

“Not sure, actually.” Dr. Martinez had seen almost everything as an ED doctor. Whatever just happened was a brand-new experience. “And it seems like I’m not paid nearly enough to figure it out. After today, I don’t blame you if you want to end your rotation early.”

“No! I want to stay.” Brian stood up.

“Really? Why?” Cardiac arrests weren’t easy on new students, kids were even worse.

“I’ve never seen or even heard about someone being this healthy and aware after CPR. It’s fascinating.  I want to see more things like that that challenges our understanding of medicine.” Brian said as he pointed the notes he was writing down in her face.

 Cecilia laughed. “You remember the phrase horses not zebras?”

Brian nodded his head. “Yeah of course. This was a zebra, right?”

Dr. Martinez shook her head. Once she finished charting she was going to forget about all of this, preferably with a strong drink when she got home. Too many unanswered questions and unexplainable events. Hell maybe it was ghosts.  “You’re never going to see something like this again. This was a god-damn unicorn.”

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for pointing out to my brother when his girlfriend treats him poorly?

I’m the older sibling to my younger brother, 24M, and his gf (I’ll be real I THINK she’s 23 but I don’t remember her birthday ) they’ve been dating for a few years and throughout it me and my mom whom I live with because I’m disabled have done our best to try to welcome her, even though she has done some hurtful things [she got angry at my mom while she was living here the first time and threatened to never let her see her grandkids, and the second time mom welcomed her into the home she ended up screaming at us both out of basically nowhere. She yelled at my mom because one of her fish was dying and took the opportunity to yell loud enough that I could hear her in my room with the door closed complain about my puppy whom I was still training. She yelled at me because she was in the room while I was trying to talk to my brother about something serious and mentioned her without trying to include her in the conversation, because it wasn’t meant as a dig and also because it was a passing mention of her name, not a full topic.]

Anyways. At this point they’ve moved out and my brother comes here to chat with us and check in every couple weeks. She forced them to move out before he’d been able to get a job and then asked him to immediately pay back his half of the lot rent and mortgage payment for their trailer the moment he got a job, which has him scrambling and exhausted trying to keep up because he’d been unemployed mostly at her request for months. She makes her living on OF, and he leaves the house when she’s working. We also suspect that she forced him to dump his dog back on us.

In addition to making him drive everywhere on his dime for gas, she also doesn’t want to chip in for repairs to the trailer, and when she has him take her to get groceries we know she doesn’t buy anything with his food preferences in mind. We know this because he comes scrounging for food he actually wants to eat from our fridge [which we’re happy to give him, but.. yeah. It feels shitty to know that he can’t get his own gf to buy him diced pear fruit cups or frozen chicken nuggets.]

So, I started calling out gently when something she does is mean to him. I don’t call him out directly or anything, but I do ask him why. Like, if he asked for grocery money, I’ve said “sure, I’ve only got a little extra rn is 30$ okay? Do you and [gf] not grocery shop together?”

To put it lightly, he doesn’t like this. But I’m afraid that if I pretend it’s normal he’ll get seriously hurt. I don’t know what else to do, besides try to gently make it clear that it’s just not okay to treat a partner the way she treats him.

Not to mention that through all this he has needed to beg money off me and my mom for gas and groceries and other necessities, and has at times used her credit card for non-emergencies and taken money from her accounts without asking. He doesn’t seem to see a problem with this, which also makes me worried. I love him to death and I don’t want to think that he’s become someone that cold.

Am I the asshole for trying to remind him that people who love you don’t do the things his gf does? Or am I wrong about this?

What are these acronyms?

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Private equity finally delivered Sarah Palin's death panels

Tonight (Apr 26), I’ll be in Burbank, signing Red Team Blues at Dark Delicacies at 6PM.

Remember “death panels”? Sarah Palin promised us that universal healthcare was a prelude to a Stalinist nightmare in which unaccountable bureaucrats decided who lived or died based on a cost-benefit analysis of what it would cost to keep you alive versus how much your life was worth.

If you’d like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here’s a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/04/26/death-panels/#what-the-heck-is-going-on-with-CMS

Palin was right that any kind of healthcare rationing runs the risk of this kind of calculus, where we weight spending $10,000 to extend a young, healthy person’s life by 40 years against $1,000 to extend an elderly, disabled person’s life by a mere two years.

It’s a ghastly, nightmarish prospect — as anyone who uses the private healthcare system knows very well. More than 27m Americans have no health insurance, and millions more have been tricked into buying scam “cost-sharing” systems run by evangelical grifters:

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/01/02/health/christian-health-care-insurance.html

But for the millions of Americans with insurance, death panels are an everyday occurrence, or at least a lurking concern. Anyone who pays attention knows that insurers have entire departments designed to mass-reject legitimate claims and stall patients who demand that the insurer lives up to its claim:

https://kffhealthnews.org/news/article/khn-podcast-an-arm-and-a-leg-how-to-shop-for-health-insurance-november-24-2021/

The private healthcare sector is designed to deny care. Its first duty is to its shareholders, not its patients, and every dollar spent on care is a dollar not available for dividends. The ideal insurance customer pays their premiums without complaint, and then pays cash for all their care on top of it.

All that was true even before private equity started buying up and merging whole swathes of the US healthcare system (or “healthcare” “system”). The PE playbook — slash wages, sell off physical plant, slash wages, reduce quality and raise prices — works in part because of its scale. These aren’t the usual economies of scale. Rather the PE strategy is to buy and merge all the similar businesses in a region, so customers, suppliers and workers have nowhere else to turn.

That’s bad enough when it’s aimed at funeral homes, pet groomers or any of the other sectors that have been bigfooted by PE:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/16/schumpeterian-terrorism/#deliberately-broken

But it’s especially grave when applied to hospitals:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/05/21/profitable-butchers/#looted

Or emergency room physicians:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/03/14/unhealthy-finances/#steins-law

And if you think that’s a capitalist hellscape nightmare, just imagine how PE deals with dying, elderly people. Yes, PE has transformed the hospice industry, and it’s even worse than you imagine.

Yesterday, the Center for Economic and Policy Research published “Preying on the Dying: Private Equity Gets Rich in Hospice Care,” written by some of the nation’s most valiant PE slayers: Eileen Appelbaum, Rosemary Batt and Emma Curchin:

https://cepr.net/report/preying-on-the-dying-private-equity-gets-rich-in-hospice-care/

Medicare pays private hospices $203-$1,462 per day to take care of dying old people — seniors that a doctor has certified to have less than six months left. That comes to $22.4b/year in public transfers to private hospices. If hospices that $1,462 day-rate, they have lots of duties, like providing eight hours’ worth of home care. But if the hospice is content to take the $203/day rate, they are not required to do anything. Literally. It’s just free money for whatever the operator feels like doing for a dying elderly person, including doing nothing at all.

As Appelbaum told Maureen Tkacik for her excellent writeup in The American Prospect: “Why anybody commits fraud is a mystery to me, because you can make so much money playing within the guidelines the way the payment scheme operates.”

https://prospect.org/health/2023-04-26-born-to-die-hospice-care/

In California, it’s very, very easy to set up a hospice. Pay $3,000, fill in some paperwork (or don’t — no one checks it, ever), and you’re ready to start caring for beloved parents, grandparents, sisters, brothers, aunts and uncles as they depart this world. You do get a site inspection, but don’t worry — you aren’t required to bring your site up to code until after you’re licensed, and again, they never check — not even if there are multiple complaints. After all, no one at the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services (CMS) has the job of tracking complaints.

This is absolute catnip for private equity — free government money, no obligations, no enforcement, and the people you harm are literally dying and can’t complain. What’s not to like? No wonder PE companies have spent billions “rolling up” hospices across the country. There are 591 hospices in Van Nuys, CA alone — but at least 30 of them share a single medical director:

https://auditor.ca.gov/reports/2021-123/index.html#pg34A

Medicare caps per-patient dispersals at $32,000, which presents an interesting commercial question for remorseless, paperclip-maximizing, grandparent-devouring private equity ghouls: do you take in sick patients (who cost more, but die sooner) or healthy patients (cost less, potentially live longer)?

In Van Nuys, the strategy is to bring in healthy patients and do nothing. 51% of Van Nuys hospice patients are “live discharged” — that is, they don’t die. This figure — triple the national average — is “a reliable sign of fraud.”

There are so many hospice scams and most of them are so stupid that it takes a monumental failure of oversight not to catch and prevent them. Here’s a goodun: hospices bribe doctors to “admit” patients to a hospice without their knowledge. The hospice bills for the patient, but otherwise has no contact with them. This can go on for a long time, until the patient tries to visit the doctor and discovers that their Medicare has been canceled (you lose your Medicare once you go into hospice).

Another scam: offer patients the loosest narcotics policy in town, promising all the opioids they want. Then, once their benefits expire, let them die of an overdose (don’t worry, people who die in hospice don’t get autopsies):

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2022/12/05/how-hospice-became-a-for-profit-hustle

You can hire con artists to serve as your sales-force, and have them talk vulnerable, elderly people into enrolling in hospice care by convincing them they have nothing to live for and should just die already and not burden their loved ones any longer.

Hospitals and hospices also collude: hospitals can revive dying patients, ignoring their Do Not Resuscitate orders, so they can be transfered to a hospice and die there, saving the hospital from adding another dead patient to their stats.CMS’s solution is perverse: they’re working with Humana to expand Medicare Advantage (a scam that convinces patients to give up Medicare and enrol in a private insurance program, whose private-sector death panel rejects 13% of claims that Medicare would have paid for). The program will pay private companies $32,000 for every patient who agrees to cease care and die. As our friends on the right like to say, “incentives matter.”

Appelbaum and co have a better idea:

Do more enforcement: increase inspections and audits.

Block mergers and rollups of hospices that make them too big to fail and too big to jail.

Close existing loopholes.

They should know. Appelbaum and her co-authors write the best, most incisive analysis of private equity around. For more of their work, check out their proposal for ending pension-plan ripoffs by Wall Street firms:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/05/05/mego/#A09948

Catch me on tour with Red Team Blues in Burbank, Mountain View, Berkeley, San Francisco, Portland, Vancouver, Calgary, Toronto, DC, Gaithersburg, Oxford, Hay, Manchester, Nottingham, London, and Berlin!

[Image ID: An industrial meat grinder, fed by a conveyor belt. A dead, elderly man is traveling up the conveyor, headed for the grinder's intake. The grinder is labelled 'HOSPICE' in drippy Hallowe'en lettering. It sits in a spreading pool of blood.]

Image: Seydelmann (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:GW300_1.jpghttps://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:GW300_1.jpg

CC BY-SA 3.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en

[i-am-baechu]

Summary: Everything was perfect until it wasn’t. Y/N and Jungkook love each other but when familiar and new faces come into their lives, things get complicated. On top of that, a surprise that truly shakes their plans for the future. Will their relationship push forward or will Jungkook lose his fangirl once and for all?

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Interlude

→ Genre: Idol au, established relationships, girl group stan au, social media au, K-pop fan page au, romance, angst, comedy, and smut

→ Main pairing: Idol! Jungkook x Fan girl! Reader 

→ Side ships: Yoongi x OC & Jin x OC

→ Warnings: Explicit language, smut, mature themes, alcohol usage, anxiety disorder, stalking, and obsessive behavior

→ Warnings for the chapter: Emergency room, depression, depression medication talk (only mentioned), blood, and throwing up 

→ Author’s note: I wanted to do something different for this 💜

⇜ Masterlist ⇝

Everything felt light. It was as if the world around was a bubble and she was sitting on it. Waiting for it to pop and she would fall down forever. She slowly opened her eyes and looked around her to see a sliver of light against what looked like a curtain. She glanced down to see she was on a bed but she couldn’t make out the designs on the blanket. She slowly stood up from the bed and walked towards the curtains. She pushed the soft fabric and she closed her eyes when the light became too bright. 

When she opened her eyes, she was met with a field of flowers. She hesitated to walk into them but she felt a small hand on her back, pushing her into the delicate pinks and purple. When she hit the flowers, petals went up around her and when she went to see who pushed, there was no one.  

She glanced down at the flowers, pink and purple chrysanthemums. She gently plucked a pink and admired the beauty of the delicate life form. She let the flower go and slowly got up. She had no idea where she was but it felt familiar and she didn’t know if that was comforting in any way. 

She walked and she felt bad hearing the crunch of the flowers beneath her. Obviously not bad enough to make her stand still. The walk turned into running. Running where? She had no idea but she was running. She stopped and fell to her knees, the flower field was never-ending. She looked up into the pale sky and stared into the abyss. 

When she looked back down, a full-length mirror appeared. She looked at it with a confused look but continued to stare at herself until a voice made her jump, “The reflection exposes more reality than the object that it echoes.”

She looked past the glass and saw a black cloak dancing in the wind. An old friend looks down at her. He snapped his fingers and now she was in a home. She looked down to see herself sitting in a chair. He grabbed the teapot and poured some tea for the two of them.

“It’s been a while, Y/N.”

“It has…”

He pushed the teacup towards her while he took a sip, “Do they know you met me before?”

Silence.

He lets out a deep chuckle and places the cup back into the saucer, “Silence gives me the answer. The answer that you can’t say aloud. It would do you good to say things aloud.”

“I-I can’t…”

“I’ve been with you since the beginning. We are friends, which is why I’m here. Is your heart finally ready to let go or do you want to force it to stop?”

“Isn’t that the same thing?”

He glances at the wall and then back at her, “No, one’s natural and the other is the desperation of an individual.”

“I see…is that why I’m here?”

“Correct. Another life or death situation for you Miss Y/N. Just like before. I do wish we could meet on a happier note.” 

She sighed and glanced down at her fingers, “What if I want to die?” 

“Then you take my hand but I doubt that.”

She looked back up and glanced at him, “Why do you say that?”

“You're just scared. Dying isn’t going to magically change the emotion. What about that boy, Jungkook?”

“I love him.”

“Then death isn’t the answer. We’re having the same conversation in different fonts. Even in the dark, with nothingness at the fingertips, there’s always something there to stop you.” 

She sighed and leaned back in the chair, “I guess I am scared…isn’t that normal for anyone in this situation?”

“Trying to protect yourself from the harshness of the world but fear is born because of it. I’ve told you this before and I’ll say it again.”

“I wish I could forget and have a blank canvas.”

“Don’t all humans feel the same? The more you try to forget or avoid, the more damage you cause to yourself.”

She took a sip of her tea and closed her eyes, “Within my heart, a deadly sadness flourishes. I have no idea how to control it nor do I want to understand it.”

“That’s the problem. Running away is easier. No matter how tired you are, you run.”

There was a loud beeping noise and she glanced at the ceiling and then back at him, “I don’t want to go back…but at the same time I do. I have no idea what to do anymore. When I go back, the only thing they changed is me and it is for the better.”

“Sadly my dear, I can’t help you. Sometimes allowing yourself to have a breakdown can open new doors.”

“Is it selfish of me to say I want to die?”

“You’ve been fighting for so long that you're ready to put your sword in the ground. However, no one said you needed to fight. Open your eyes, Y/N.”

She opened her eyes and she was met with the white ceiling. Everything felt sore and the beeping noise was annoying her. She slowly got up and it finally registered where she was. She was in a hospital room. She looked around but her eyes landed on her boyfriend who was sleeping on the pullout couch. 

She didn’t want to wake him up. It was clear he was tired. She laid back down and glanced through the window to see the moon and stars shining away. Just then she watched a pink petal fall from the sky. She knew what it meant but she didn’t know how to put it into action. Time will tell. Will she have a breakdown or continue whatever this life is now? She had no idea what the future had and sadly a small part of her wished there was no future. 

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Tag List:

@agustdpeach @mdavt @aloverga @drissteele

[sanscat0414]

Love Hurts A, Love Acquired

Hawks x Reader

Scenario: You have a crush on Hawks but he loves another or so it seems. One day you learned that you have the Hanakai disease. Will you be saved?

Note:

Y/N = your name

Part 1

Part 2

Hawks rushed to the hospital front and got your room number and dashed to your room.

“Y/n!” He said as he rushed to your side and held your hand.

You open your eyes to see him.

“You’re here….”

Your voice was raspy, you were as pale as a ghost form all the blood you lost. You hated the fact that he had to see you like that.

“Mirko told me about what’s happening to you. Why did—“ he stop himself form questioning you, he had a to endure your survival first “Please take the surgery, feather. It’s not worth dying for someone who doesn’t even know how much they’re missing out.”

You shook your head no.

“The tell me who is it that you love so much that your willing to die for them? I don’t want to loose you to this. Please feather. I promise I’ll get them here fast and you can confess and—“

You stopped him by gently lifting your hand to his face. You smiled and said “Okay.”

“So who.”

“I love, ” Cue dramatic pause mostly because your out of breathe “you, Keigo. I always have…. If I loose those memories and feelings for you it be losing a large chunk of my life…. I can’t risk that because that’s how much I love…. you.”

Hawks stared at you for a moment thinking back to the two of you. The times you help him and the times he help you. He thought that’s just what friends did now, the more he thought about it the more he realized just how much he actually love you. You were a bit nervous for a while form his intense staring, knowing he’s probably in deep thought. You couldn’t help but think he might wanted to reject you and your okay with that knowing at least you tried.

“Keigo, I’m perfectly fine if you——“ You were interrupted by Hawks hand sushing you following by a gentle kiss from him.

“I wish I had realized sooner, so I could have save you from all that pain. “ Hawks said once he moved away from you.

You about to say something before you started coughing again. Hawks slightly panic and rushed to get a doctor. Once a doctor was here they rushed Hawks out and tended to you. Hawks was nervous ‘maybe it didn’t work? Maybe I didn’t love them enough maybe I’m confusing romantic love for platonic loves? No that’s not it. Maybe I was too late…..’ A million thoughts ran through his head, hoping and praying that you be okay.

Once the doctor came out Hawks bombarded the doctor with a bunch of questions. “… is she okay?!”

“Uh. Your her emergency contact right?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, it seems that she’s getting better. Hanakai is a bit finicky when it comes to healing after the confession. Some heal instantly some take a bit of time.. so we still need to do a few tests to confirm this. She’s fine right now buts she fell asleep not long after she stopped coughing up flowers. Well to the test tomorrow and compare them form the fromer test and see if there’s any improvement.”

Hawks have a small sigh of relief. You’re not out of the woods yet and he promised to comeback tomorrow to see if you felt any better. The next day Hawks went straight to the hospital after work. When you saw him you couldn’t help but blush thinking about yesterday’s kiss and confession.

“So how are you?” Hawks asked worriedly.

“I’m dying.” You said with a straight face

He looked modified thinking he might have not lived you enough to save you.

You not being able to hold it and laughed abit.” Sorry sorry that was in bad taste, the doctor said it will go away after awhile. Apparently I’m just those unfortunate enough to get our feelings reciprocated and still need to wait it out instead of having love magically fix us.”

He immediately went in for a hug, gently of course. He then flicked your head.

“Ow what was that for?!”

“For scaring the sh*t out of me. And this is for me being too much of a doofus to not realize how much I love you.” He said giving you a kiss on the lips.

“Here I thought you like Mirko.”

“Sure she a good woman but I only love you. It just took longer for me to realize that.”

“You always talked about her and…”

“Feather~ I just wanted to share some good time I had with her because I thought those stories were funny. Besides it being a hundred times better if you were there with us you know.”

“I guess I should thank her for spilling the beans.” You said feeling a bit sillly after everything.

For the next few weeks you stayed with Hawks after being cleared to leave. He helped you during your recovery. Showering you with love and affection thinking it might help speed up your recovery. Helping you with day to day life as there was a few things that took longer to heal like how anemic you became from all the blood loss. He complained how much he missed you and how he wanted nothing more than to be with you 24/7. It was nice living with him. Hawks didn’t let you go to work even when you felt like you were feeling a lot better.

“Hey Feather! No working until your fully recovered. I don’t want you getting infections or something.”

Once you finally got better, Hawks asked you to move in with him properly. It wasn’t that big of a difference form how you guys were before all of this ordeal but you loved all the New Romantic stuff that Hawks would do like trying to make dinner for you or getting you gifts. Naturally you did the same. You couldn’t help but think how luck you are to have him.

Here’s to new relationship you hope to last for years to come.

“I love you Kei.”

“I love you more My sweet Angel.”

[fe-fictions]

I can't believe I have to post about this a second time in a year, but I have another sick kitty...

We lost our senior cat Henry in February, it was just time for him to go. He was a handsome and wonderful 14 years old, and had been with us since we were children.

And not long after we lost him, my sibling and I (we live together) decided the apartment was just too empty without him...we were missing the warmth and the joy that a sweet kitty cat brought with him.

So we each adopted our very own cats; a handsome long-haired 3 month old boy named Gojo, and a beautiful short-haired 5 month old girl named Luisa.

Luisa is my baby girl. She was born in September, the same month as me, and she's my whole world. But the last few days, she's been eating less, playing less, and getting more and more docile and lethargic.

I took her to the emergency vet today because she wasn't eating at all and was hiding since yesterday morning. He told me that she had an auto immune disorder, and was extremely anemic.

He gave me three options; try steroids and antibiotics, see if she responds to them, or they could hospitalize her and give her a blood transfusion, which was way, way too expensive...if I had the money I would've done it in a heartbeat, and it breaks my heart to think that I could've done more for her if I had a better job and could provide for my baby more. And the third option was to put her to sleep there, because her odds were slim.

I chose the option to get her medication, which was a quarter the cost of a hospitalization, and he assured me typically saw really good results, but that sometimes it would take a few days or a week or two before seeing improvement.

I gave her the first dose as soon as we got home, got her set up in my room, but she's still not eating, won't go to the bathroom, and I'm just really, really worried that I'm gonna have to say goodbye to her, before she's even a year old.

I'm just not ready to say goodbye again. Twice in the same year, two of my sweet babies. I am not ready to do that again. It happened so fast. The shelter I got her at likely had no idea she was sick; she showed no signs of it until just a few days ago. I hate that she's so fragile, and that I can't do enough for her. It's just crushing.

I want to try and focus on the positive, and hope that she's gonna pull through in the next few days. I'm just so sad, because it wasn't that long ago I saw this behavior in a dying cat. I know what it looks like, I felt it, I could see it. And I'm not ready to do that again.

I was supposed to have at least ten years with this slinky little baby. I don't want to believe that I'm gonna have to say goodbye to her. I won't know for at least a few days; but if she stops eating and she can't go to the bathroom, I don't know where to go from there.

I just wanted to vent, I wanted to let you all know that's what I'm dealing with right now. I hope you'll continue to have patience with me, and to those who commissioned art from me, I'm gonna work hard to get it done ASAP since it's already been a while, and I just need to do something to keep my mind off of what's going on right now.

But yeah. That's what's going on at this moment, and so if I sort of disappear for a little while or my posts go a while without anything, that's why.

Thanks for being so sweet, you guys are such a wonderful group of fellow FE enthusiasts and I love writing for you all. It's without a doubt the group of the friendliest and sweetest people I've ever run into; whenever awful things were going on, IRL or online, I would always come here because the drama or the stressful mess would never reach it; this place is my little safe haven haha

So thank you for being here, and thank you for listening and for your patience! I'll do everything I can to keep up.

- chiyo

[vash-the-trans-catboy]

Title: Too Much Morality Will Cause Anxiety

Prompt from @alvodra : Always on the search for more Logan calming Virgil down and being the only one truly understanding anxiety, possibly with Patton messing up somehow

Summary: Patton causes Virgil a lot of anxiety but Logan is there to help Virgil through it.

Word count: 1630

Tag list: @prince-rowan-of-the-forest @ishipgenfics (let me know if you want to be added)

TWs: Mentions of alcohol, manipulation, anxiety, panic attacks, little unsympathetic Patton

AO3

Thomas paced around the living room, occasionally glancing down at his watch. There was a debate going on inside his head and it looked like he was losing. Thomas decided he might as well make this debate real.

“Can everyone meet me in the living room? Please it’s an emergency?” Thomas called out loud to summon his logic, morality, anxiety, and creativity.

First, his logical side, dressed in business casual as usual, popped into the room.

“Is everything alright, Thomas?” Logan asked with a slight face of concern. A few emotions slipped through his stoic face. Logan tries to keep an appearance of seriousness, but Thomas and the other sides know Logan does care a lot.

“I’m-" “THOMAS, ARE YOU HURT?!?” Patton rushed into the conversation, interrupting Thomas.

While Logan and Patton were busy trying to figure out what was wrong with Thomas, Virgil quietly snuck in. Like a cat, Virgil stood on the steps observing everyone, waiting for his opportunity to make his presence known. His purple eyeshadow glimmered in the light. As grumpy as he pretends to be, his eyeshadow clearly gave away that he was having a good day.

Finally, the most dramatic side appeared.

“Oh god! Thomas! This is really an emergency. Your hair is absolutely atrocious. This must be why you called us here so suddenly.” Roman summoned a hairbrush, “Don’t worry as the most stylish side I got you covered.”

“My hair isn’t why I called you all here.” Thomas tried to correct Roman, but Roman was not listening. He threw the hairbrush at Thomas. It flew through the air, then went straight through Thomas’ head. Roman tended to forget since he was part of Thomas’ mind that anything he summoned Thomas could not touch. Thomas blankly stared at his sides as the hairbrush fell onto the floor. “Still isn’t about my hair.”

“Are you sure?” Roman raised one eyebrow in a questioning matter, “Couldn’t hurt for me to teach you to style it.”

“Ok. Moving on. This is wasting time. Thomas, why have you called us here?” Logan huffed at Roman’s antics as he returned the floor to Thomas.

“Maybe he’s dying.” Virgil deadpanned.

Thomas continued talking about his emergency, ignoring the dying comment, “So there’s this party. And this really cute guy invited me to go. But I don’t know if I should actually go.”

Logan rolled his eyes, “You must learn what is a real emergency.”

“A party! With a cute guy! Thomas, you’d be insane to say no.” Roman happily said.

“I don’t know guys. Crowded places aren’t always the best setting for Thomas. We should politely decline and go under our covers instead.” Virgil said looking a bit uneasy.

“Oh, Virgil. Being a downer as usual.” Patton said, “Thomas as your side that is your happiness you have to go. Socialization is great. Plus if Virgil said no you automatically know to do the opposite. When is listening to anxiety ever good?”

“What if the cute guy doesn’t show? Do you know anyone else at this party? What if the host doesn’t want you there? Will there be alcohol or drugs? Who am I kidding, it’s an adult party of course there will be alcohol and drugs. What if you get taken advantage of while not completely in your senses?” Virgil’s eyeshadow turned to a slightly darker purple, all the glimmer disappeared.

“Now you are just being stupid, Virgil. Real life isn’t as bad as your mind tells you it is. Thomas, trust me. I’m your morality. Would I ever really do something to harm you? This party will be good for you, for all of us.” Patton glanced at Virgil, “It will be especially good for dear Virgil here. You know how a little bit of alcohol can take the edge off. Maybe a few drinks and the nagging voice in your head will calm down.”

Virgil’s eyeshadow turned another shade darker. The purple started to mix with black. The joy from Virgil’s eyes was long gone. “If you drink you might not be able to make a rational decision. How well do you know this cute guy? What if he has bad intentions?”

“Please don’t listen to Mr. Fearful over here. Virgil is overreacting. This isn’t even an argument. Everyone knows you should go to the party and you really want to.” Patton smiled at Thomas. Virgil knows that smile and recoiled a bit, pushing his hood over his head, “So you’ll go to the party, right? Wouldn’t you love a night off from anxiety?”

Thomas shifted from one foot to another, he could feel the tension. “I’m not so sure I want to go now.”

“It’s because of Virgil isn’t it?” Patton pointed his finger accusingly at Virgil, “Maybe next time only bring the important sides if you actually want to get anything done.”

The room got deadly silent for a second. The only sound to be heard was heavy breathing.

Virgil’s eyeshadow turned completely black. His eyes dulled in color as well. He wobbled a little as the room spun.

Logan took a step closer to Virgil, “Virgil, you are looking pale. Do you feel alright?”

Virgil promptly collapsed to the floor before sinking out.

Complete chaos broke out the second he disappeared.

Thomas was too stunned to talk. He’d seen Patton and Virgil not get along before, but never to this degree.

“What the hell, Patton?” Roman yelled at Patton.

Logan was trying to hold back his anger, “You crossed a line this time.”

“I didn’t say anything there rest of us weren’t thinking.” Patton shot back.

“I don’t have time for this. I’ll lecture you later.” Logan turned to Roman, “Make sure Thomas is alright. I’m going to check on Virgil.” Logan sunk out.

“Patton please leave”

“But kiddo”

“No. You’ve done enough.” Patton pouted, then left the room in defeat.

…………………………….

Logan appeared in front of Virgil’s door. “Hey, Virgil. Are you in here?” He knocked on the door and waited for an answer. A minute passed; No one answered. He knocked again, “It’s Logan. I’m concerned.”

He attempted to open to door since Virgil was starting to worry him. He twisted the knob; It was locked. “Please, Virgil. I am truly worried.”

Still no answer. Logan sighed and took a seat next to Virgil’s door, “I don’t know if you can hear me but I’m going to give this shot. Take a deep breath. In for four. Hold for seven. Out for eight. Repeat. In for four. Hold for seven. Out for eight.” Logan breathed in and out as he instructed Virgil on his breathing. He wanted to give off as calm of an aura as possible.

“Getting in touch with your senses usually works to help ground you. What are five things you can see? You don’t have to say them out loud if you don’t want to.”

Logan heard a few mumbles from the other side of the door. It sounded vaguely like, “Bed, plushies, lamp, door, fan.”

“Very good, Virgil. Now four things you can feel.” Logan felt an immense sense of relief hearing Virgil’s voice.

“Carpet, clothing, impending doom, coldness.” The door lock clicked open.

“May I come in?” Logan stood up, putting his hand on the doorknob. He waited for Virgil’s response.

It was quiet for a few moments, a small “yeah” was heard in the background.

Logan slowly opened the door. “Three things you can hear.” He said as he walked in.

“Door creaking, sound machine, your voice.” Virgil closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“You are doing great. Two things you can smell.”

Virgil started to sniff the room, “Lavender and your hand sanitizer.”

Logan sat down next to Virgil, “One thing you can taste.”

“Umm, my tongue I guess?” Virgil wiped his eyes, smudging his eyeshadow.

“Physical contact?” Logan asked.

“Yeah, I’m good with physical contact today.”

Logan took Virgil’s hand. He helped Virgil stand up and lead him to the bed. Virgil collapsed into Logan’s arms and started hysterically sobbing.

“I am just trying to protect Thomas and be helpful,” Virgil mumbled into Logan’s chest.

Logan rubbed circles on Virgil’s back, “I know. I think everything you said had a valid point. It is always important to think about safety.”

“I don’t understand why Patton hates me so much.”

“I do not see the logic in him hating you. We are a team. Targeting one of us will just be counterproductive.” Logan ran his fingers through Virgil’s hair, “Tomorrow I am going to give Patten a stern lecture.”

Logan heard a small laugh from Virgil. He looked up to meet Logan’s gaze, “You’d do that for me?”

Logan smiled, “Of course. You know I love a good lecture.”

Logan shifted Virgil off his lap and onto the pillow. He carefully slid off the bed.

Virgil reached for him, “Please stay.”

“I will be right back, I promise.” Logan went into the bathroom connected to Virgil’s room. He pulled out a container of makeup wipes from the draw. Logan gently took off Virgil’s eyeshadow to prevent it from ruining his bed or getting in his eyes.

Virgil’s eyes drooped in tiredness.

“I think it would be best to call it a night and go to sleep.” Logan pulled the spider web patterned comforter over Virgil.

Virgil reached out and tugged on Logan’s wrist, “Stay here tonight.”

“Of course, Virgil.” He pushed the comforter over and slid over it. Logan pulled Virgil into his arms and kissed his forehead. “Sleep tight, my dear.”

Virgil’s breaths eventually evened out as he fell asleep. Once Logan was sure Virgil was soundly asleep he pulled Virgil closer and fell asleep. Logan held onto Virgil all night to let him know was he always there for him.