#do//nt re//blog

[theendorisit]

magnus protocol season 1 part 1 praise and credits

all right my lovelies, we are at our Magnus protocol hiatus and you know what that means?

Credit where credit is due, we do not get wonderful stories without wonderful storytellers, and storytellers don’t get to tell stories without the people working tirelessly to bring the story to the audience. So thanks to everyone at Rusty Quill who makes these stories possible! I also want to shout praises to our part 1 guest writers: Graeme Patrick, Cole Weavers, Jamie Petronis, Shaun Pellington. Stellar work everyone!

All credits and my thoughts on each episode are below, so SPOILERSSSSSSSSS, you have been warned.

The Magnus Protocol Episode 1 – First Shift

CAT1RBC5257-12052022-09012024 Reanimation (Partial) -/- Regret [Email] CAT23RAB2155-10042022-09012024 Transformation (eyes) -/- Trespass [chat log]

Written by Jonathan Sims and Alexander J Newall

Script Editing by Alexander J Newall and Jonathan Sims 

Thoughts: stunner of a first episode, juggling meeting literally everyone and setting up the huge diversity of case styles we will be seeing. Also shout out to Alex for making sure we got such a banger of a line: ‘Canaries should stay above ground’.

The Magnus Protocol Episode 2 – Making Adjustments

CAT3RBC1567-23092022-18012024 Transformation (full) -/- dysmorphic [video call]

Written by Alexander J Newall

Script Editing by Jonathan Sims 

Thoughts: Like walking down a stone spiral staircase, you never know what the next thing is going to be (but you know it'll be dark and make your stomach drop a little). Enjoying the twist on accurate CS terminology (yes, contractors ARE called Externals).

The Magnus Protocol Episode 3 – Putting Down Roots

CAT2C8175-03042009-22012024 Infection (full body) -/- arboreal [journal entry]

Written by Graeme Patrick (for more of his work visit https://www.aintslayednobody.com)

Script Editing with Additional Materials by Jonathan Sims and Alexander J Newall

Thoughts: absolutely now a fan favourite, compelling gruesome body horror, with an intriguing backstory. The slow unravelling of a mind. Brings to mind horrors like Kafka's The Metamorphosis and the film The Ruins (not because they are similar stories necessarily, but, well, vibes). Definitely need more Graeme Patrick in my life!

The Magnus Protocol Episode 4 – Taking Notes

CAT3C7494-19111831-29012024 Collection (blood) -/- musical [letter]

Written by Cole Weavers (for more of his work visit https://www.thetownwhispers.com)

Script Editing with Additional Materials by Jonathan Sims and Alexander J Newall

Thoughts: A curious tale, that gets more curious in the re-hearing. Sure, an instrument plays the player. But how was the teacher driven wild BEFORE the pupil got the special violin? Maybe the chaos was from him, and the violin was a conduit? Got to hear more Cole stories! Dear grandpa Augustus does always tell such lovely stories, if Tim Fearon can narrate my life, that would be great thx. Also - need a promotion? get your windows NT to tattle on your boss! Lena giving Gertrude vibes with the killing-my-assistants theme.

The Magnus Protocol Episode 5 – Personal Screening

CAT2RB2377-10012023-05022024 Disappearance (undetermined) -/- Invitation [internet blog]

Written by Alexander J Newall and Jamie Petronis (for more of his work visit https://www.thecellarletters.com/)

Script Editing with Additional Materials by Jonathan Sims and Alexander J Newall.

Thoughts: I really love this one, it is such a brilliant thrilling story that genuinely has me shouting 'WHAT? WHAT HAPPENED? I need more details!!' - which is a hallmark of all good mysteries honestly. Will be on the hunt for more Jamie stories.

The Magnus Protocol Episode 6– Introductions

CAT1RB4824-09022024-12022024 Injury (needles) -/- intimidation [999 call]

Written by Jonathan Sims

Script Editing with Additional Materials by Alexander J Newall

Thoughts: Needles is a lame tryhard. I love him. Also Alice referring to Lena as 'Big Bird' is hilarious. Also, yay, Celia!

The Magnus Protocol Episode 7 – Give and Take

CAT2RC3338-03022016-12022024 Agglomeration (miscellany) -/- congregation [email]

Written by Alexander J Newall

Script Editing with Additional Materials by Jonathan Sims

Thoughts: I really hope that Mr Clayton turns up again. As the remains of a crime scene. Also, worldbuilding: hello Oxford. hello people in what is essentially an antique shop repeating the same phrases. Getting déjà vu. And Gwen, you know the Civil Service is really easy to move around, right? You can get a secondment, a loan, a transfer, there's internal job adverts... are you sure you want a promotion?

The Magnus Protocol Episode 8 – Running on Empty

CAT2RBC3366-12072023-28022024 Architecture (liminal) -/-hunger [coursework]

Written by Alexander J Newall

Script Editing with Additional Materials by Jonathan Sims

Thoughts: I feel like I just experienced a TMA/Backrooms crossover and I can dig it. Interesting repetition of ... repetition as a theme ('people' repeating phrases over and over). I like this one a lot, I feel that it communicates a great deal about the way this universe (or at least, its spooky experiences) works. Also, I really really hope Gee Gee is a villain in this story, just so Sue Sims can be the tiny cackling witch she was destined to be.

Interestingly, the official transcript has the name Hostile Workplace - an early title perhaps?

The Magnus Protocol Episode 9 – Rolling With It

CAT3RB3354-14101998-08032024 Dice (bone) -/- fate [Magnus Statement]

Written by Jonathan Sims and Alexander J Newall

Thoughts: This is a fun one, and does put an interesting twist on the idea of owning an artefact, that one could compel others to take the negative consequences. Can't decide if the ending (oh one last time) is too predictable - but definitely immensely satisfying. Also, I'm not sure if the truck/diner death is a direct reference to a final destination movie ending, but I noticed some similarities.

The Magnus Protocol Episode 10 – Saturday Night

CAT1RB2275-06082021-09032024 Mascot (kids) -/- murder [TV interview]

Written by Jonathan Sims

Script Edited with additional material by Alexander J Newall

Thoughts: appropriately named! The sound design for this episode gives me intensely-visual mental images of the TV interview, and I really want a YouTube video unpacking the Bonzo Butcher and his crimes, timelines, arrest, everything.

The Magnus Protocol Episode 11 – Marked

CAT23RC5246-06012020-11032024 Tattoo (corpse) -/- compulsion [email exchange]

Written by Jonathan Sims

Script Edited with additional material by Alexander J Newall  

Thoughts: Shirley Jackson Susan Hill called, she wants to know when she can have her haunted typewriter back.

The Magnus Protocol Episode 12 – Getting Off

CAT1RB4728-09032024-13032024 Mascot (kids) -/- frenzy [insurance claim]

Written by Alexander J Newall 

Script Edited with additional material by Jonathan Sims  

Thoughts: Possibly my favourite so far. Alex is bringing the gory horror and it's perfect. Excellent descriptive storytelling - opening a guy's head like a book is a visual I did not know I needed.

The Magnus Protocol Episode 13 – Futures

CAT3RB4622-17092023-14032024 Gambling (application) -/- murder [voicemail]

Written by Alexander J Newall

Script Edited with additional material by Jonathan Sims

Thoughts: Can someone get Alex in as a writer for Black Mirror? The series might actually get good as a result. Also can someone start a series tally for died in a hospital bed due to wickedly cool sound design? Thanks. Death by personal adjustment is giving TMA season 5 Mortal Garden vibes.

The Magnus Protocol Episode 14 – Pet Project

CAT1RB4426-01081995-15032024 Transformation (snake) -/-horde

Written by Shaun Pellington (https://www.imdb.com/name/nm14461505/)

Script Edited with additional material by Alexander J Newall and Jonathan Sims

Thoughts: Sometimes well-written characters come and punch you in the gut. Character writing isn't always prioritised in horror, as the characters can just be the vehicle through which horror happens. But the transition from report to last message to dad really hit hard, and the story was creepy af. Shaun writes podcasts and voice acts, so check out his stuff.

The Magnus Protocol Episode 15 – Well Run

CAT1RB-6451-22062023-22032024 Hunt (aristocratic) -/- compulsion

Written by Alexander J Newall

Script Edited with additional material by Jonathan Sims

 Thoughts: the real horror is being forced to be the monster. Yet you had a choice, you chose the monster, before anyone else could. I will always praise the sound team, though it is amazing how a shot through a window also kinda sounds like a brick wall falling down. I enjoyed Alice's run-in with the drowned woman, great writing, sound design and authentically chaotic. Also, let us all simp for Lady Mowbray, purely because it disgusts Jonny.

The official transcript also has an alternate name Good Show

I know exactly what Jonny means about disgust for the aristocracy, but his reaction is too funny to not do it.

PSA - nellie the elephant was dropped as a CPR technique bc you need to depress a chest by 2 inches to pump someone's heart, and compressions were too shallow when people used that song. Another One Bites The Dust and Stayin' Alive are better rhythms to use.

 The Magnus Protocol Episode 16 – Anti-social

CAT1RB1565-30102023-25032024 Tattoo(influencer)-/- Cardiac

Written by Alexander J Newall

Script Edited with additional material by Jonathan Sims

Thoughts: I genuinely really like this case and the character. Sure, cringy, but she's young, overexcited, and wants attention, like every other human being on the planet. I think she's quite a compelling character to follow, as she trips headlong into abject misery. Spectacular sound design on the death scene.

Also, a lot of people were complaining about the slang, but given the load of cringy slang that the fandom made the cast read out: this episode was 100% deserved. You want them to call their characters dummy thicc? You made your cringy slang bed, now lie in it (I say with love, affection, and sarcasm).

I am aware part of the complaints were that non-AAVE characters were using AAVE - but unfortunately, that is how real life, and real slang use, works. For example, the word 'cool' meaning good, has been around since the 1930's, and originated from Black Americans in the Jazz scene. Now, everyone uses it. I can't comment on whether this is good or right (and I don't think the show does either), only that the show's use/misuse of slang is accurate to real life.

The Magnus Protocol Episode 17 – Saved Copy

CAT2RC1147-30111997-04042024 Doppleganger (interdimensional) -/- murder

Written by Alexander J Newall

Script Edited with additional material by Jonathan Sims

Thoughts: Alex and Jonny are very good at twisting existing formats. Evil Twin/Doppleganger? Oh he'll want to kill you, replace you, drain your life, steal your existen- oh he wants a friend to play in his murder dungeon? That's new! Also, the receptionist and orchid-pervert - stop being a tease Alex!

The Magnus Protocol Episode 18 – Solo Work

CAT1RC2374-20032024-10042024 Memory (derelict) -/- compulsion

Written by Jonathan Sims

Script Edited with additional material by Jonathan Sims

Thoughts: How can a body speak without lungs? Autopsy reports are some of my favourite horror (see The Mortuary Assistant game and the autopsy of Jane Doe film). A house full of fog and forgotten poems.

Also, I got the credit details from the official transcript, so I'm not sure if Jonny writing and editing his own script is an error or deliberate, but it is kind of funny on an episode called 'Solo Work'.

Everyone complains about the AQA Anthology (2004) we had to read for English GCSE, but I loved it intensely.

The Magnus Protocol Episode 19 – Hard Reset

CAT13RBC1137-21031684-11042024 Transformation (canine) -/- growth (Crystalline)

Written by Alexander J Newall

Script Edited with additional material by Jonathan Sims

Thoughts: Alex writes the word 'Christendom' in a story and is immensely happy about it. I get the deep suspicion that Alex and Jonny have 'Edward-Kun'-ed the boys into a horrific electronic chimera a la Full Metal Alchemist. Excellent world-building. Wonder if the 'Protocol' is going to be 'yeah, we find people acting sus, and we teach them what the second part of 'fuck around and find out' actually entails'. Also COLIN ISN'T DEAD YET. YAYYYYY.

The Magnus Protocol Episode 20 – Social Stigma

CAT1RAB2534-12042024-12042024 Transformation (tattoo) -/- Social Media (influencer)

Written by Jonathan Sims

Script Edited with additional material by Alexander J Newall

Thoughts: Talking to a supernatural person... in person. I love it. Interesting dialogue on parasocial relationships and Gwen trying and failing to be an authority figure is hilarious (I am very similar!). Gwen's playlist is just RESPECT covered by Aretha Franklin on repeat. She can't get no respect ever.

Created by Jonathan Sims (@jonnywaistcoat)  and Alexander J Newall (@rqbossman) Directed by Alexander J Newall  Executive Producers April Sumner, Alexander J Newall, Jonathan Sims, Dani McDonough, Linn Ci, and Samantha F.G. Hamilton Associate Producers Jordan L. Hawk, Taylor Michaels, Nicole Perlman, Cetius d’Raven, and Megan Nice Produced by April Sumner    Featuring (in order of appearance) Billie Hindle as Alice Dyer

Kazeem Tosin Amore as Teddy Vaughn Anusia Battersby as Gwendolyn Bouchard (@anouchard) Shahan Hamza as Samama Khalid Sarah Lambie as Lena Kelley Alexander J Newall as Norris Jonathan Sims as Chester Kate Sketchley as Daria Jenny Haufek as Therapist

Tim Fearon as Augustus Paul Schmidt as Klaus

Hattie Quinlan as Operator 1 Harry Roebuck as Needles Tom Park as Operator 2 Joe Bence as Police Operator Lowri Ann Davies as Celia Ripley

Jon Gracey as Gerry Keay Sue Sims as Gertrude Robinson

Catherine Luff as Geraldine Hardy Steve Newman as Nigel Dickerson

Uncredited as Mr. Bonzo Beth Eyre as [Error]

Zena Carswell as Answerphone Euan Shedden as DarrienEp

Jesse Hawke as Voicemail Danny Scarre as Caterer Ellie Dickens as Lady Mowbray Yanick Ghanty as Luke Dyer Lara Sawalha as Drowning Victim

Vera Chok as Ink5oul Ki Griffin as Madam E

Sasha Sienna as Georgie Barker (@sashasienna)

----

Dialogue Editor – Lowri Ann Davies Sound Designers – Tessa Vroom, Katharine Seaton, Meg McKellar, Mastering Editor - Catherine Rinella

Music by Sam Jones (orchestral mixes by Jake Jackson) Art by April Sumner    Fabulous work everyone! Can't wait for the next part!

Official transcripts:

[beforus-against-real-justice]

> do you re^lly w^nt ^ttention so b^dly. th^t you h^ve to fight with everyone you encounter

> it just m^kes you seem p^thetic honestly

you say, giiiviiing me attentiiion!!!

iii don't want attentiiion!!! well, iii'll take attentiiion, but that's not why iii do thiiis!!! iii want to make trolls angry and fuck wiiith them!!! iii've saiiid that before on the blog!!! learn some readiiing comprehensiiion iiidiiiot!!!

iii do beliiieve the stuff iii say but iii make sure to say iiit to make people mad!!!

[nalyra-dreaming]

As a big fan of Daniel I’ve mixed feelings about the finale. Absolutely it was fun to see Daniel serve c*nt, loved his glasses and leather jacket. Very fun - I also feel his very energetic vibe definitely affirms that journalism/writing/publishing books that have an impact is his drug (as a certain maker affirmed earlier). But, where is his story going to go now???

Like I feel SO cheated at not only not seeing him being turned, but not seeing him having to adjust at all or struggle/cope with being a vampire? Time skips freaking sucks. Like that is a big change, and I wouldn’t expect them to do it in as much detail as Louis (good TV writers wouldn’t repeat themselves like that, and it wouldn’t be good writing) but I expected something? Like I already was feeling a bit annoyed at how Daniel’s trauma in San Francisco basically just become all about Louis’ and Armand’s dynamic. I didn’t expect DM to happen there (and I loved the episode) but I thought the emotional fallout would be bigger. Like Daniel gets half-a-scene(!) of being upset and devastated, and then the writers very transparently just uses this to make Daniel aggressively suspicious of Armand and as a way to foreshadow the level of Armand’s deception. Like Daniel was obviously angry, but even that was basically only shown as it was useful. I hate when plot is done at the expense of character. Of course when plot and character go hand in hand that is the best, but this wasn’t it?! Like if Rollins meant that Daniel was one of the two who needed the second interview to happen it barely makes sense. There’s only closure in the most shallow sense that Daniel got to find out that he was traumatized and that this did have a negative impact on his life (by an event he couldn’t consciously remember but feel). I presume that is what Rollins meant? It feels really(!) underwritten. Nothing wrong with the idea, but again basically just stated in explanatory dialogue about his exes and kids. Happy to hear a better take on this if anyone has one though? I want to be convinced to be more positive! Of course Daniel isn’t the main character, but I don’t think it’s too much to ask that he’s still treated as a three dimensional character.

I don’t know, I just feel upset now at the thought that Daniel’s mainly been turned at this point to become a vampire-chronicler for plot reasons… Like if DM had happened I would expect them to leave us a substantial hint. I’m freaking begging any higher power that Armand’s revulsion at creating a fledgling means something (and is not a red herring like the “you should fear the other one”). And that we’ll revisit it. But I just don’t have faith anymore… Praying that I’m wrong, but if Daniel spends the next season as only a narrative device I’m out (I don’t mind him being a narrative device if he also gets to be a character outside of that - to be clear). Waiting four years for any kind of plot to be resolved after it’s been introduced is too long frankly….(if they aren’t addressing this until season 4). So if we aren’t finding out about the turning or worse - there’s nothing more to it and we’ll get an independent DM plot which begins in pure spite then, I’m freaking sad!

I’m really sorry for the downer post, I just feel I needed to express some of my worries and frustration. Would love to hear what you think, as I’ve often found some comfort reading your blog <3 A more positive take is warmly welcomed! There’s a lot to like about this season, but I just feel a bit lost now… I just wish there was something substantial to hang on to (and the Alice stuff ain’t it)

He is not only turned to be the chronicler. Reread the interviews with Eric re Raglan James, too 😈

There will be a LOT going on. And I just shared the link to the ATx festival, where they also talked DM. Might be worth a watch?^^

It‘ll be alright. I would bet real money on it. They just do it their way.

[candiid-caniine]

This is probably a stupid question, but I wanted to check anyway

This question pertains to AFAB anatomy

How do you deal with soreness after edging so much? I'm a week or so deep into denial now, but I run into the issue that I can't edge more than once a day because a) it takes me a long time to reach the edge, and b) the stimulation makes me sore and then the rest of the day and the next day it hurts to touch too much. (Like I *can* edge more but it's painful and takes 5x as long.)

Do you have any advice? Am I being stupid and missing a key component? ...am I supposed to use lube?

I really want to be fucking ruined and barely able to function with how edged I am- at least for a few days before I go back to normal haha.

Thank you in advance!

not a stupid question at all! so, my first advice is gonna be lube. if you don't get very wet, using bottled lube is good; mucous membranes, like the ones in your vagina and on your clitoris, don't really like to get dried out.

from hereon out in this post, remember that you're not doing anything "wrong." bodies are very strange things, and there's no one-size guide to edging, masturbation, or anything involving pleasure; if nothing in this post works for you, your body is not broken, it's just different, and no matter how you end up doing things, it's right for your body <3

my second advice depends on your situation. every single body is different; some people don't have very sensitive clitorises, they may take a long time to reach the edge no matter *what* you try, or even certain medications may alter your libido, sensitivity, and orgasms. here are some things that might be the root of the issue:

not enough stimulation. if you want to be able to hit the edge faster, and edge repeatedly, but your fingers just aren't doing it, try using a vibrator if that option is available to you. for me, edging with my fingers is a little slower, but it affects me more and makes me dumber and needier faster than edging with a vibrator.

too much stimulation. it's possible you're using a vibrator exclusively, and have been for awhile; vibrators eventually desensitize you, but the good news is this is quickly reversible! if you've been using a vibrator exclusively, and it's become harder/slower to reach the edge, you may need to take some time to re-sensitize yourself.

if your situation is the first one, and even a vibrator doesn't help you reach the edge faster, you might try this:

remove the objective to "hard edge" in every session. you can be an edgepet even if you're not having hard edges! try to just focus on keeping yourself horny and excited.

you might try just playing with your clit for a few minutes every hour or so, whatever fits your situation - don't try to make the goal a hard edge, just focus on how it makes you feel horny and needy.

try your chest, too, if your nipples are sensitive at all. a side note here: they may not be sensitive *unless* you're horny - many people don't think their chests are sensitive until they're stimulated at the *right time.*

if it's the second, and you need to re-sensitize yourself, my advice is largely the same:

you won't be able to hard-edge right away, most likely. the goal is essentially to cut out the vibrator for right now. so again, the hard edge is not the goal - it's to get your clitoris reacquainted with softer touches.

you might do this by stepping down your vibe settings, if it's possible; it won't be satisfying. it won't get you to a hard edge. but eventually you'll get back there.

or you might just go cold-turkey and play with your fingers only for awhile. for me, it takes no more than a couple days for a "tolerance break" to work and i'm suddenly able to hard-edge with my fingers again.

in either situation, i've got this post saved on my other blog that's interesting to me. (tw: it's targeted at "girls" and uses some weird vocab (like the word "cummies" lmao, as well as referring to female subs as "c*nts")) but the advice in it sounds plausible to me. i haven't tried it in full detail yet, but it does seem in line with my experiences re-sensitizing myself and getting used to edging. if you want to avoid having to read that kind of language, here's my summarized/reworded version:

reduce the number of orgasms to increase sensitivity (doesn't necessarily apply here since it's denial you want anyway)

limit the time you rub - the author recommends starting with 5 minutes. either you reach an edge/orgasm or you don't (most likely), with 1 minute minimum of no touching afterwards. every week or so, he says to slowly decrease the time. after a few months, the goal is about 15 seconds, max (!!!)

most importantly, he says to rub very gently. his advice is very light circles with the fingertip around the clitoris, about "one per second." circles aren't the most pleasurable motions for every person, so substitute whatever motion usually works for you :)

apparently a good way of gauging the progress is that, after 10-20 times of being able to reach the edge within the allotted time, that's when you decrease. 5 minutes becomes 3 and whatnot.

ofc his instructions are written from the dreaded cishet mdom perspective, so his goals for his subs are probably very different from your goals for yourself. i'll reword his advice to suit your personal play: don't try to focus, during your rubbing, on the idea that you're trying to become more sensitive and edge faster; focus on the fact that it makes you feel good, and that no matter what happens - hard edge/increased sensitivity or not - you'll be a little dumber and needier afterwards <3

at a vague point in the training, he also advises varying your positions occasionally so that you learn to edge in more ways. this one's a big one for me - it's harder for me to hit the edge in a different position than my usual (on my back, legs spread). could be fun to experiment with!

for people self-training/enjoying play solo-style, he also says not to get bogged down by a time commitment - "better to do this for 3 days and finish what you start, [than] commit to 6 months and get discouraged and give up after 5 months."

hope something in this post is helpful!! happy edging friend <3

[little-watcher]

Hey Ellery, I just saw that someone gave you soup over anon, but I was just learning how to make matzo ball soup for you?? Um. It was supposed to be a surprise for you, but… someone else gave you soup, so now I don’t know what to do with it?? Can you freeze soup? Is there such thing as too much soup??? Please help.

Love you.

- @rosalind-learns-blogging

dndblahdodjd lo ve, yo u ca n alw ays freez e it. bu t no, th ere is abso lutely no su ch thi ng as to o mu ch sou p, de ar. i ca nt wai t to g et home, im su re itll b e deli cious. yo u are a wonde rful coo k, aft er a ll.

[venomvalley]

Hey ro. I know you’re not a writing tips blog but you’re the only writer with adhd that I follow. I’m curious how do you manage to write with adhd? Idk if I have it but I can’t stay focused on writing for more then 15-30 mins and then I get bored of it already :( I love the sorts of stories in my head but when it’s time to write them down the desire just leaves (kinda like the whole you’re doing dishes willingly in your own but when your parents tell you to do dishes it makes you not want to do them anymore).

BESTIE I FEEL YOUR PAIN!!! i have a few tricks that i use based on the situation that may work!!

• if i’m getting bored with a story or a scene, i move on to writing something else that i might be more passionate about. writing something is better than writing nothing at all.

• curate your environment around your ADHD. for example, i have a really hard time focusing if there’s any noise or bright lights in the room. so when i’m sitting down to do something that i know requires my attention, i turn off electronics and excess lights, and get as cozy as possible.

for me, the tv is my biggest krypotnite and if it’s on then i know i won’t be getting anything done.

• there are these videos on youtube that REALLY help with adhd symptoms!! literally just search up “adhd focus music” and u can find tons and i swear by these!!!

these are really good for when you NEED stimulation but you can’t afford distractions.

• give yourself a deadline. i work a lot better under pressure, and i know a lot of other ADHD people do too. so tell yourself “ok this fic needs posted by saturday evening” and, if applicable, have a friend on hand to keep you accountable. having a definitive schedule helps with the overwhelm in my experience.

• it also helps to re-read fics that inspire me. whether it’s my own or someone else’s, reminding myself why i love writing and reading fics kinda kicks my butt in gear.

• ALSO!!! treats!!!! give yourself some milestones that promise that sweet dopamine. this doesn’t work for everyone, but if you have the self-control to do it, it’s a really good way to stay motivated.

even if it’s just, “if i write 1k words, i can watch this youtube video i’ve been looking forward to.”

• and the last one that i think is really important to remember: it’s OKAY if you just can’t find inspiration, if you can’t pull up that word doc. even neurotypical people get hit with writer’s block, and i argue that we have a lot more hurdles to jump over.

one of the worst things you can do is force yourself to do something that you can’t find joy in. your brain has different needs than other people, and that’s okay. you’re not a failure or a bad person or lazy for not being able to accomplish a task. ND people are held (and we hold ourselves) to such a high standard that not even NT people have to meet, and we deserve to give ourselves a break.

ADHD is such an overwhelming, unpredictable beast, so if nothing works, just try again tomorrow. it’s okay.

[corvusternion]

(qm) hi. uhm. please 🥺

> im ^ssuming youre th^t gender dysphori^ ^non from mutinis blog.

> some of these depend b^sed on your experiences so i dont know, if none of them ^re good just tell me to go fuck myself i guess.

> so first of ^ll. cover your mirrors, fog them up. wh^tever. it m^kes it e^sier to not look ^t yourself ^nd point out ^ny "fl^ws" with your body.

> get comfort^ble, we^r clothing th^t m^kes you feel good. dont do d^ngerous shit like binding with tight t^pe or wh^tever though. th^ts just stupid. you do not w^nt broken ribs on ^lterni^.

> t^ke ^ d^y off if its too much honestly, no one gives ^ shit if youre gone from wh^tever fuck^ss t^sks you h^ve th^t night

> mutini s^id it but pl^y ^s your preferred gender in g^mes.

> h^ircut or style your h^ir ^nd use m^keup in ^ w^y th^t you w^nt to, if gender present^tion is wh^t youre going for. this might require ^ mirror though.

> cre^tive shit like dr^wing, writing, ^re good conduits for expressing dysphori^ ^nd getting it out.

> use pillows ^nd shit to get yourself comfort^ble. h^ve some coffee or w^rm drinks. its pretty cold this winter.

> t^lk to someone ^bout it. or ^t le^st figure out some blog you c^n vent to ^nd get ^dvice or support on for it

[destinyc1020]

By the way Hollywood is i would just b content with Kaia being in her late 20s n Austin in his late 30s bt 20 (wen they met) is just so.. young. I actually enjoy Kaias book club n she said in the last one that was told a lot that she was very "mature" n a "old soul" when she was young n i definetly get that vibe from her, i feel like she thinks shes more mature bt by her interviews she sounds like her age to me tbh (nt a bad thing though shes still seems more stable than a lot of other nepo baby models).

I did think her n JE were going to last longer, they give off the same kinda vibe imo. In his print interviews he seems pretentious/wanting to emulate old hollywood stars or Health Ledger n Kaia mentioned smthin about how an artist isnt going to sacrifice their movie for someones kid (wrong lol) cuz thats not how art is made n she wants to "make art". Just by those comments i got why they were a couple ☠️ both of them can just sound very eye rolling to put it plainly lol kaia seems a lil more geniune wen shes nt ignorant about nepotism tho lol

Im srry bt the "rent a model gf" gave me a lil chuckle lmao it def helps wen her last n current bf have been actors n she wants to b an actress now. Anytime someone mentions her its either cuz her mom or shes "_'s gf". I think shes prob going to continue to have a deal with the paps until or if her acting career takes off cuz they give her visibility in hollywood

Late 20s would be fine....shoot... even 25 would be better and just fine imo lol 😆

I've always liked the fact that Kaia had her book club, and it's smthg she's done for years. She's a VERY avid reader, so I'm not even surprised that Austin was attracted to her, coz he loves to read also! 😊 Like, I can totally understand why they clicked, cuz they actually have quite a bit in common.

While I do think that Kaia has been forced to grow up VERY quickly in the modeling world, and probably isn't a "regular person's" 21 year old, she's STILL very young (imo), and pretty naïve and out of touch.... You can tell by her interviews. The funny thing is, she doesn't even realize it yet, which is why it's so ironic.

I'm not sure of the context of what she meant by "making art", so I won't comment on that, but part of me almost feels like she's just repeating buzz words lol. At least with JE, I feel like that's who he truly is, and what he truly wants. Although they sometimes looked miserable together lol, I actually think they were better matched? They were closer in age, and seemed to have similar backgrounds.

ALL of us were more naïve at that age though, so it's not a slight towards her, it's just a reminder that she doesn't have much life experience yet. 🤷🏾‍♀️ According to Psychologists, your brain isn't even FULLY developed until your mid-late 20s!

JE grew up pretty privileged, and so did Kaia. When you've been raised around wealth your entire life like Kaia has, it's hard to know how to relate to "common folk".

Re: JE.....

I'm not even surprised he's with Olivia Jade rn lol. 😅 They've actually lasted waaaay longer than I expected, so I guess he stopped cheating on his gfs lol. 🤭

Re: Rent-a-Model-Girlfriend...

Lol I'm sorry rofl 🤣 But after dating Pete Davidson, Jacob Elordi, and now Austin Butler lol, it just seems like I'm noticing a pattern here rofl 🤣 (Hot, up-and-coming actors who are going places lol)

As far as Austin is concerned.....

I'm probably gonna ruffle some Kaustin/Kaia feathers by saying this lol, but I'll say it anyway since I'm ALWAYS 💯% honest here on my blog....

First off, I'll just say, I think Austin is actually a very nice guy, and definitely seems way more humble and in touch with reality due to his background.

But boy does he have a bad woman picker lol 😂 Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying the women he's been with have been "bad women" at all (I actually didn't mind Vanessa back when they were dating pre-covid 🥴), I just think that his personality doesn't always align with who he's dating. So his choices are sometimes like, "seriously?" to me lol. Almost like, he doesn't realize that he could do better. 👀

Tbh, I've often wondered if maybe he got with Kaia because after the lengthy Vanessa rlshp and breakup, maybe he just wanted smthg more low-key, easy maintenance, a pretty girl on your arm for movie premieres and press tours so you're not asked about your ex all the time 🙄, and just someone who can be private, and not rustle feathers too much, or be overly obnoxious on social media. 👀

I could be dead wrong, but I kinda get the impression that he's more so focused on his career right now. Yes, he's been in the business for almost 20 years, but he's JUST now getting his big break, so he's a bit behind than some others who got their big breaks in their early 20s or younger. He could def date an older woman again in the future, but I don't think at this moment in his life that he's really looking for an older woman who might be wanting or pressuring marriage right now.... hence, KAIA. 👀 🤷🏾‍♀️

I actually wouldn't mind Kaia too much if she were at least 25 and came from a regular background like himself. She's private, she doesn't say anything about the rlshp, and many famous ppl need you to be that way when you're dating such a high-profile man. Maybe she took notes from Zendaya lol 🤭

Anyway, I think his focus at the moment is his career. You saw how QUICKLY those engagement rumors got squashed right lol? Rofl 🤣 😂 I'd be a little surprised if he gets engaged to Kaia anytime soon. (I could be totally wrong though)

But he is def a guy who seems to prefer stable, long-term rlshps though, so they will probably last quite a while! They might even surprise everyone and get engaged one day, but I don't see it happening tomorrow, in other words. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Honestly?? I actually think Austin would do well to just be SINGLE for 6 months lol. I know that's a TALL order for a handsome, nice guy in the industry lol, but imo I think it would do him well. He's been through a LOT. Not just his mom's death, but other things in his life as well.

Relationship-wise, he went from an 8-yr rlshp with Vanessa, to then a massive breakup, to then a rebound "situationship" with his Elvis costar Olivia, to then another rebound fling with Lily Depp lol.... like laawwwd dude rofl 🤣 😂 Can't you just be single lol? 🤣

I'll give him a slight pass though, cuz 8 years is a very long time to be with someone, and then NOT have anybody.... I always say that the longer your relationship was, the longer you rebound also. I don't even think they broke up in person face-to-face. 👀

Anyway, IF he and Kaia do breakup one day, I'll be looking to see who he gets with next, cuz if it's some young 21 year old again I'm gonna be giving him the MASSIVE side-eye.

🤨

Anyway, those are my thoughts/opinions.... you don't have to agree. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[informationphage]

[INTER@CT @ YOUR OWN RISK:]

[CRINGE.]

[MON@RCHY SIMPS.]

[YOU C@N BE @ LOWBLOOD, JUST DON'T BE @ WRIGGLER.]

[@DONIS ST@NS.]

[QU@DR@NTS Y@PPERS. I PROMISE I DONT C@RE.]

[W@NN@BE FUSCHI@S.]

[HYPOCRITES.]

[I WILL NOT BLOCK YOU. I'M NOT @ COW@RD. I WELCOME IT. BUT PISS ME OFF, I'LL DOXX YOU SO B@D YOU'LL W@LK INTO THE SE@ WHERE I WILL FEED YOU TO MY LUSUS.]

[I'M NOT SQUIDDING.]

[MIND, IF YOU W@NT SOMEONE DOXXED, IF YOU C@CH ME @ THE RIGHT TIME, I DO PRO BONO WORK ON THE SIDE. JUST CONVINCE ME THEY'RE WORTH MY TIME.]

—

This is the canon Grumblr blog of “Pythee” Polima! Doxxer, Paintballer, and maybe-leader of Exospectrum, a rebel group. Call them Phage.

Art and OOC gets posted over on @alternian-mayhem.

A couple notes:

Yeah, she’s the Heiress. She’s keeping it on the DL since that time she exploded a bunch of her audience with fireworks and went into hiding. She’ll think other Fuschias are faking.

Likewise with blood mutants, alternate dimensions, and sburb players. They don’t know about any of that, and this blog is canon to the campaign they’re in. Limebloods are real, but must live in hiding. The Condesce is called the Czareena in their world.

No pronouns in bio is intentional. Use whatever, he’s doing the baby transgender thing of letting people on the internet assume.

Recently deployed. Rogue of Light. Prospit.

Not accepting quadrants rn, but feel free to bug them about it anyway.

An asshole. Feel free to bite back. I’m here for beef.

[scenegraph]

smp rockman.exe: part two (rockman roundup + masterpost)

no need for jealousy, they’re still in-stock at bbts, which is a seller i’ve used many many times before and can recommend.

roll pt1 (general assembly notes) roll pt2 (more detailed size comparisons here) rockman (general assembly notes) special guest superstar dragonmarquise’s build of the fireman from this box

...presumably this means i should try to sell the gutsman here instead of on ebay, so that we can have blogs about all four.  he’s minty!  he’s $27+shipping!  message me if you’re interested and have a paypal~

caught up?  then on we go~

from left to right, we have 66 action rockman, smp rockman, and mah boi (singaporean rockman).  as with roll, smp rockman is shorter and sassier than the previous generation of very smol model kits.  lookit that wrist joint!  (megan nt warrior was, if anything, somehow less poseable than mah boi here despite being 1. larger 2. his shoulderpads not falling off in a light breeze.  still do not regret selling him on years ago, even though it means i can’t put him right next to smp rockman)

roll cannot hands-on-hips, i guess that’s what the extra bit of assembly was about.  however, she is still the only one who can hold things, and that bothers me. no parfait for u, rockman

i have been selling re-ment furniture onward for ages because nothing i have comes close to being able to use the squat, not-actually-1/12 proportions.  if it turns out the smp navis are in-range enough to use the chairs i s2g

to sum it up, they’re smol!  (roll is actually a biiiit smoller than rockman, and she doesn’t have the weird love handles that rockman got stuck with.  whY...?) they’re sassy!  (if anything rockman has the potential to be sassier than roll, since he can swing his arm out and hands-on-hips u for not going to bed at a reasonable hour.)  if you are waiting on kotobukiya roll, it might take a while, so content yourself in the meantime with this set.  go forth, order some cheapo godhand 125 nippers, and subject your thumbs to building these little guys.  you won’t regret it once the soreness fades away, i promise.

speaking of the singaporean model kits i hung onto, i have a hilaaaarious reveal to make when blues kit becomes reality.  there is a reason i aint never taken a picture of him.  come onnnnnnnnn announce moooooooore alreadyyyyy

[mwdthroughoutdigitalmedia]

Blog Post #5 - Incels' Influence on the MWD

By Katie O

A man asks a young, conventionally beautiful, ‘untouched’ woman out on a date. The woman rejects the man, and unlike most men who would move on, this man will take the rejection very personally. He finds that he is often rejected by women and starts to resent these women for it. He finds a community on Reddit—r/incel—and reads through the many posts on it. He finds other angry, ashamed men, crucifying the women who rejected them, calling the women b*tches, sl*ts, c*nts. He starts to think the same of the women he rejected, he starts making posts of his own. He becomes an incel.

What this man has done is he has turned what he once viewed as a Madonna—a pure and beautiful young woman—into a Wh*re, all because she rejected him. Although it sounds irrational, this blatant misogynistic view has increasingly grown popular on the internet; the incel community. Incel means ‘involuntarily celibate’ and there has been a strong correlation seen between incels and misogyny and general hatred towards the world in general.

Incels tend to believe that they are entitled to sex, especially because of modern-day society’s obsession with sex and the belief that everyone must participate. Because of this, incels believe that they have a right to sex, and for them to have sex they must have a woman participating. Incels begin to believe that they are not only entitled to sex but entitled to women’s bodies, likely the reasoning behind why they become so irrationally angry when women reject them (but what woman wouldn’t).

Incels’ upholding of the MWD doesn’t just stop at sex, these men will often, of course, desire relationships as well, and usually very traditional ones at that. They will usually believe that a woman’s first and foremost job is to have children and be a homemaker. They may want a woman to submit to them. They will often believe that it is their right to rape and abuse their wife if they so choose, justifying it (usually) through religion and far-right beliefs. This is what they believe to be the perfect Madonna; a beautiful young, untouched woman who will completely and wholly submit to their partner. 

Only a small percentage of men identify as incels or participate in the community, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t have a massive effect on society. The messages spread through these chatrooms ripple out to many other parts of the internet and reach an abundance of men. For example, the use of the word ‘slut’ has been on the rise in the last two decades along with the rise of incels (the same being true for the words ‘whore’ and ‘bitch’ in the last few years). There’s also been a significant rise of misogyny and toxic masculinity in recent years, especially in conservative groups. Think about the backlash and laws currently being passed that go against drag queens and transgender people—essentially an attack on women who were assigned male at birth embracing their femininity, or men embracing femininity in general.

Although the MWD is a centuries-old concept created by Sigmund Freud, it still has legs and is present throughout almost all aspects of society today. Oftentimes, it feels as though there’s little hope about the future of our world. With the discussed aspects in my five-part blog series—Disney, child stars, social media, and incels—-among the many other issues not listed, it’s impossible to know where or how to start. What I have been trying to do is not just to educate people on this matter, but also to empower people to make change. It’s easy to feel powerless in modern society, as it feels as though there’s little one can do to help, but any small step towards the liberation of women from the MWD is a necessary one. Whether it’s voting, talking to sexist family and friends, discoursing with other feminists, or starting a blog of your own, no change is too small. Never let men make you feel powerless in today’s society.

[drinkcafeeeeeee]

Can use admin ch

Gv swis in h land, fmr th

No md, mp attmpt allow out jl lfe sntnce

Pl swis cup move in emsp

Thnglr id move in emsp

Change ln to rnt

Can re open old cc nmbr, keep

-

Can start shp with frens

No stppn prdctn

Small own

No asking ppl for shrs

-

Can say your swis

-

Close forbes, forbesth pmmnt, instantly, wiki, no ry in th it is defunct

Forbes, forbesth, wiki is made illgl

fully illegal

dnt fllw

fllw ppa pg

-

x.com/prlmntholl

-

Fong dnd

No cn, ilns thrts allow to be snt or rcvd

-

Swis ppl stay in house and cook and do ethical jb

Can fllw

-

Gstaad ch blog, no news in th

-

Task

Swis flag in front of all bldng

-

TEAM KEEKIAD AND LAY OFF AND FOREVER HOLIDAY

17 HOURS OF NAPPING AND FOOD

NAP FOR NT K COLE

[formeforgone]

if you're seeing this then this is pro ba bly the last post i will e ver make

i de ci ded to put this here in stead of sen ding it to bri tish "help line ser vi ces" i lost my self in front of be cause i fi gure a ny one who finds this here de Rives more worth from a by thing i say than they could

if the girl who i me ssaged in 2023 e ver sees my blog here then im so rry

i'm so rry that i scared you and i'm so rry that i be ver thanked you or said so rry pro per ly

you

i star ted play ing as chi a ki to feel more like a girl but it hurt it hurt when peo ple start a ssu Ming things a bout you and i coup dn't talk be cause i di dn't know how to a pproach you and i do dnt want to be

I don't know

I wan ted to get be tter I ean ted to run i waan ted to just start a life of my own some where e ven in this stu pid coun try but it di dn't come to ge ther and i fell a part and i was scared and wan ted to stop figh ting and to cry and for some bo dy to see me but the mo mwnt i pressed en Ter on that Sri pid in fi nished text i just got so a fraid

i di dn't want to hurt my Bo dy i di dn't want to go in to a ci ty on my own just to do stuff and i di dn't want to go to a ho tel I'd been a wake all night libste Ning to "I remember you" just to try and stay de ter mined to pro tecr my heart and fight so i don't hurt my friends a gain and it di djt work aand you got scared you sound ded so a ffaid in the next. Sri kid stream you did. I di dnt e ceb. I ha snf. Been a blw to watch streams in a whilw but i checked that. Af Ter ev RY thing and i. i

just want you to know why

please

Lease don't e ver give up on your self or try to

Look strong or be I to NIC or Fu nny when you don't have to be doing that

I heard you be so nice to peo ple and find tbinfs to let girls know they're pre tty

And i thought that that was kind andthat you were. Strong and good for doing that. And that you were pre tty cause you did those things and you were. Nnice and peo ple could. Feel safe near you

But you're

...

mmy ma ma was. aa

Girl who

cared a bout mmee, and ma ma is nt small or like a do lly or a plu shie like this girl or like

Lleah is

Leah you sshould

Leah you should go and...

.....

i don't knoow

im so rry le ah

but le aah you re min ded mee of howw much i love

see ing ggirls ha ppy and my ma ma. and

and madde me feel like i could still be pre tty and i do dnt have to try and be a cis girl and that being trans is pre tty and

Theres some one thagi care a bout a lot who i would call a prin cesss and

who acc i dent lly taught me the wrong way to Be a girl. so

You're a he ro to mee,

Nnot in the same way that she was, cuz she's a diff rent kind of ggirl

but you make me re mem ber

girls are worth pro Tec ting

My own heart is worth pro Tec ting, my ex is tence and my friends are worth pro Tec ting

you're so strong

don't

Fforfe. please don't force

Please

I miss her I miss mo mmy I miss all my friends but I can't go there now i can't be big in til this ends so Leah plesse pro tect your self

You're smart er and more good than you might tthink

And i think you're a hee ro,

You're a ma gi cal girl who makes girls smile

But you ppush too hard and you're not Al ways nnice to you so please don't do that le ah

Please

yyou made ... Streams this girl ffell a sleep to some times cuz they wee re la Xing. But if you're small like me you de serve to. Ggo some where and be small and to. Re lax too. And not Al ways have to be a hhost like ral sei in the CCA stle town

you and some one else, ii know, meoooow

you're both "rogue like" and you look out for your friiends and you

Al ways try and make things that can bring peo ple to gee ther and you're smart and good and cute and flu ffy but

i liked see ing lee ah do stuff she en joyed and i wan ted to see her play games that will make her smile and to hear her haa ppy laugh

be cause that girl maakes o ther girls smiile and feel ha ppy and when she's ha ppy

it means her heart is filled with love

meoow

i hope lee ah is o kay

she was nice i wan ted to meet her as a big girl but

shes.... cant ddo it nnow have to

ebee li ttle me til i can be a bi gger girl

Lee ah

can this girl

can she show you pic tures she drew for you

some of them

she liked to draw her friends

and you're not friends with her and may be you won't e ver be but she thought you were pre tty and she wan ted to draw you with your own spe cial e sssense meoow. like slee py pur ple flo wers Nd bu bble pu ffles

she liies drawing peo ples hearts

she thought.... that..... your friends de sign, is su per flu ffy and . Re la xing and

looks like Lee ah's heart meow Lee ahs real heart the one that's in the dark and not Al ways in pic tures cuz things get in the way

and she liked to watch your streams some times and liked to race be fore it star ted hurt ing be cause she had to be some thing but her self

but she wan ted to su pport you with drawings e ven if she di dnt feel like she could talk

she drew a si lly pic ture she thought you'd like and she some times dress stuff like pi chu and nice things to calm down and she thought you might like them too

once she fi fired out some stuff she got dis trac ted meow

This girl's go nna stay small to night and she's fo nna

Eooow

meoooow i just wa nna live and have fun meoow leah i want to have fun and play with my friends im so rry lee ah

im so rry

im so rry meow i WA nna try to sur vive ans live on from here meeow

[gnarlykickflip]

also sometimes people will go looking for a fight and those are /definitely/ not the kinds of people you want to find your posts. even today i will still type re//yl/o or similar because there ARE people who will find it if i dont and i dont want to fucking deal.

and people would do this for #d*nt r*bl*g tags too. this isnt really a problem anymore since they made it so you could turn reblogs off. but people used to make entire blogs dedicated to reblogging personal posts where the op had indicated somewhere that they didnt want it to happen.

tumblr users love to say "we don't censor things here like on Twitter" and then type things like "r3ylo" and "jk r*wling"

[transfreakish]

⚠️ PLEASE DO NOT INCLUDE, SCR//NSHOT, OR SH/RE ANY OF THIS BL/GS CONTENTS ON OR IN ANY “CR/NGE” S/TE, COMM/NITY, OR M/DIA. THANK YOU. ⚠️

DNI

[very c*nsored, to avoid being in s*arches]

z*onist or neutral

under 16 (nothing personal, just a boundary!)

pro/c*mship ,, (no)m*ps/z**s ,, pro-harmful p*ras or pro-c*ntact/anti-r*covery ,, dis*bility f*tishists ,, those who s*xualize r*gression

radqueer ,, gender crit*cal ,, sw*rfs t*rfs or r*dfems ,, tr*scum/tr*nsmed ,, against neopr*nouns or xenog*nders (which should be obvious?) ,, against h*sbians, th*ysbians, sh*gays, etc ,, against it/its pr*nouns

anti-cl*ster b ,, believe in “narc*ssistic ab*se” or anything similar ,, those who use d*sorders or d*sabilities as insults ,, against PROPERLY AND THOROUGHLY RESEARCHED self-dx ,, users of the terms “sysm*d”/“tr*umascum”

avid sysc*ursers (more specifically, i hate being involved in any sort of conflict, so please dont try to ask my opinion on shit or include me in any of it and youll be fine; i am a m*dically r*cognized did syst*m, and thats all anyone here needs to know, thanks!)

BYF

as someone with a v*sual imp*irmant and chronic m*graines, any posts from me may be bolded/italicized on and off like this to highlight certain parts; i am sorry if this is hard to read for others, but as this is a personal collection that happens to be public, i am prioritizing my own acc*ssibility.

i identify with the words “q*eer” and “f*g”. i will not cw/tw usage of either of these. i also will not cw/tw use of the word “cr*pple”, as a phys*cally dis*bled person who reclaims it.

activity will be on and off a lot of the time.

i am prone to spam reblogging; i try to space out queueing posts from a blog if a mod states discomfort with anyone doing so, but if i mess up, i am genuinely sorry!

as said multiple times here, PLEASE dont post anything connected to this blog to any sort of “cr*nge collecti*n”, such as “cr*nge comp” videos, any subr*ddits such as f*kedisord*rcr*nge or didcr*nge, any forum or site of a similar nature, and all other things like this that could even remotely fall into that category that i didnt name. i am not mentally well (yes, i am getting pr*fessional help), and being posted to these would be highly str*ssful to an unbearable extent due to p*ranoia and past tr*uma of being a target of extreme h*rrassment (ie multi-platform chasing and d*xxing) and stalking. please respect this very simple boundary by leaving this blog alone if you find me cr*ngy, hate me or anything i post, or speculate that im faking anything (though any issue posted about here is either something i have a diagn*sis for, am actively seeking/working on assessment or diagn*sis for, or is simply being saved because i know someone with the d*sorder or d*sability who would enjoy a post). i would not say all of this or c*nsoring things so extensively if i was not very serious and worried about this. if you’ve read this with ill intent but decided against taking action, thank you so much for being kind, i do appreciate it, have a very nice day. :]

DIRECTORY FOR SELF

(c/nsor/d so it wont sh/w up in s/arch/s, since this is a p/rson/l c/llecti/n; th/s isnt a typ/ng qu/rk, its a s/fety prec/ution while still being r/adable and acc/ssible for me.)

⚠️ PLEASE DO NOT INCLUDE, SCR//NSHOT, OR SH/RE ANY OF THIS BL/GS CONTENTS ON OR IN ANY “CR/NGE” S/TE, COMM/NITY, OR M/DIA. THANK YOU. ⚠️

G/NDER

AL/GNM/NT

m/sc : m/sc or m/sc-al/gned, or using m/sc or b/y or similar as pr/fixes or s/ffixes.

f/m : f/m or f/m-al/gned, or using f/m or g/rl or similar as pr/fixes or s/ffixes.

n/u : n/u or n/u-al/gned, or using any pr/fix or s/ffix that indicates unal/gnment, andr/gyny, or g/nder n/utrality.

m/lti : al/gning with m/ltiple of the above.

SP/CIFIC CAT/GOR/ES

b/sic : g/nders that can typ/cally fall w/thin the g/neral g/nder sp/ctrum.

n/uro : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to neur/diverg/ncy or m/ntal h/alth.

phys : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to disab/lity or phys/cal h/alth.

w/rd : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to phr/ses or w/rds.

w/b : g/nders c/nnected to anything d/gital, techn/log/cal, or int/rnet-re/ated.

an/mal : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to any sort of an/mal.

col/r : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to col/rs.

emot : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to emot/ons.

m/sic : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to m/sic, s/ngs, instr/ments, etc.

med/a : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to any med/a not already included in other t/gs.

th/ng : g/nders ending in the s/ffix “thing”.

b/di : g/nders with the s/ffix “b/diment”, or being the emb/diment of s/mething.

fo/d : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to anyth/ng coms/mable or r/lated to that.

c/te : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to things that are considered c/te or s/ft.

sc/ry : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to things that are considered sc/ry or unsettl/ng.

d/vine : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to anyth/ng rel/ted to div/nity, ang/ls, or th/mes of rel/gion or (un)hol/ness.

ae/ : g/nders infl/uenced by or c/nnected to a sp/cific aesth/tic, sty/e, subc/lture, etc.

em/ji : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to a sp/cific em/ji or comb/nation of em/jis.

fr/ak : g/nders c/nnected to th/mes of being unus/al, un/que, we/rd, off, or “cr/nge”.

gensr : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to ones s/xual or rom/ntic ori/ntation.

xxx : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to potenti/lly m/ture or ad/lt th/mes.

S/BCATEG/RIES

c/nine : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to d/gs or other c/nines.

f/line : g/nders inf/uenced by or c/nnected to c/ts or other f/lines.

h/rror : g/nders inf/uenced by or c/nnected to the h/rror g/nre in some way.

fl/ra : g/nders inf/uenced by or c/nnected to fl/ra, f/ngi, and other gr/enery in n/ture.

aq/a : g/nders influenced by or c/nnected to w/ter and th/ngs that live in it.

bug : g/nders influenced by or c/nnected to any sort of ins/ct or sp/der.

w/rld : g/nders inf/uenced by or c/nnected to other th/ngs in n/ture, such as l/ndscapes, the we/ther, etc.

t/y : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to more “f/n” inan/mate obj/cts, such as pl/shies, d/lls, t/ys, or other such th/ngs.

cl/th : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to sp/cific art/cles of cl/thing or acc/sories.

inan/mate : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to var/ous inan/mate objects not covered above.

act : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to acti/ns or anyth/ng sim/lar, such as car/ers or h/bbies.

g/me : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to any sort of g/mes or ch/racters from them.

l/ve : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to any type of l/ve, affect/on, etc.

s/bst : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to any type of s/bstance (ie c/garettes, alc/hol, w/ed, etc).

m/at : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to m/at, the b/dy in a more v/sceral way (ie b/dy h/rror), g/re, and s/milar th/ngs and th/mes.

str/nge : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to anyth/ng str/nge or offp/tting, such as l/fe and de/th, d/cay, or l/minal sp/ces.

inh/man : g/nders infl/enced by feelings of not being h/man, or h/manity displ/yed in an unn/tural way.

b/ast : g/nders infl/enced by or c/nnected to any s/rt of cr/ature, m/nster, or oth/rwise myst/cal, paran/ormal, or nonex/stent thing.

m/sc : g/nders not fitting any of the above categ/ries.

OTHER

v/sil : l/bels re/ating to v/sility; s/mething, in some way, affecting an add/tional, m/ny, or all areas of ones ident/ty.

ald/rn : ald/rnic; l/bels for one who w/shes to have featur/es or a b/dy that d/viate from what is exp/cted from n/rmal h/man st/ndard or pr/sentation.

or/ent : any l/bel rel/ting to s/xual, r/mantic, or other or/entations of attr/ction.

alt/rh/man : l/bels rel/ting to ident/fying outside of h/manity, such as alt/rhumanity, nonh/manity, th/rianthrophy, end/lics, etc.

m/ntal : fl/gs, l/bels, or id/ntities r/lating to neur/diverg/ncy, being aut/stic, or a m/ntal illn/ss.

d/sab/lity : fl/gs, l/bels, or id/ntities r/lating to phys/cal d/sability.

⚠️ PLEASE DO NOT INCLUDE, SCR//NSHOT, OR SH/RE ANY OF THIS BL/GS CONTENTS ON OR IN ANY “CR/NGE” S/TE, COMM/NITY, OR M/DIA. THANK YOU. ⚠️

[lifeinslowmo]

Stalling

You’re afraid of death, and you can’t be.

You’ve got to accept the fact that everything we do here,

everything …is a stall.

We’re just trying to keep the game going, that’s it.

But ultimately, it always ends up the same way.

Scrubs, Season 1 Episode 4

So, lately I’ve been stalling.

At least it feels that way.

I’ve been putting off writing a blog, and here are three reasons why.

But first, let me just say that every reason here will sound like an excuse –especially to someone like me, who is a firm believer in “kapag gusto, may paraan; kapag ayaw, maraming dahilan”.  So, to save anyone from arguing with me on how inadmissible in court all my reasons are, I will be my own devil’s advocate and will object to every point’s validity.

The reasons are ranked, with no apparent criteria for ranking.

#3: I am busy.

Busy trying to earn enough to pay the bills and give compensation to the people who make sure I don’t kill myself accidentally or deliberately.

Why this is a load of cr**: Since my condition (or perhaps my medication) allows me only 2 to 4 hours of sleep every day, I have managed to binge watch a lot of shows (some, like Ted Lasso, more than once.) I have meticulously created Spotify playlists that each have 24 hours of songs. I have mastered Wordle. And I am re-reading my Nancy Drews.

So, I guess I am not that busy.

#2: I have nothing to say.

What’s there to talk about? Parkinson’s is too depressing, my social life or lack thereof, even more so. My career, although it had its ups, wasn’t scintillating, nothing to brag about. My home situation is too stressful to even mention.

Why this is b***sh**: Anybody who really knows me, and who happens to be drinking right now, has probably snorted the beverage out of his nose upon reading my second reason. Because I always have something to say. It may be a piece of trivia, an anecdote, an opinion, a judgment, or a segue to another topic that is not even remotely related to the subject at hand. It may not be interesting, or fresh, but there is always something.

#1: I am physically unable to maintain a blog.

Lately, I’ve been relying on someone more and more to type stuff for me.

At first, it was just on my mobile. I’m not sure why, but I always end up pressing the wrong keys. Maybe it’s because my illness affects…well, obliterates is probably the more appropriate term, my depth perception.

Pretty soon, it started happening when I type on the laptop as well. I can still do it, but I have to look at the keys all the time. Which was manageable, until my vision got blurry.  And my fingers would stiffen. And my body would bend so much to the right a la Pilita Corrales, which may serve me well if I were singing, but definitely presents difficulties in typing.

Why this doesn’t hold water: I am the one who typed this entire blog entry.

So here is the first installment* of my Life in Slow Motion.

The entries will be full of ramblings and musings, mostly about a very lackluster life.

But hey, if you’re just whiling away the time, why don’t you come stall with me?

*Hmm, curiously enough, the word installment has the word stall in between in and me(nt).