#does anyone else have that thing where u spent so long saving money it's like pulling teeth to buy stuff even though u 100% can now

[mildswearingat4am]

Some weird texture stuff is going on with my acrylics -- like, it's thin but has tiny lumps and crud in it, which is super obvious in a yellow paint :/

... perhaps you are not meant to hang on to 99 cent nontoxic kid acrylics for like 10 years

[astaroth1357]

request: an MC thats very good w playing games or like,,, is proficiently skilled in all game categories or smrhn

alsp hi xander i love ur writing

and can i giv u a kith? if so: mwah 😚

Well I hate to tell ya, sweetie, but I’m not Xander. I’m Jazzy. Hello! I can see why you’d want something written by Xander, though. He’s mad talented (better at this than I am quite frankly) and he’s on the list of people I wish I could write as well as. I guess we can both take a moment to be sad that I’m not Xander… *sigh*... to be Xander… 😔

Oh well, I am who I am and I don’t begrudge that fact. Meanwhile, I’ve wanted to do more shout-outs so everybody go read @sevendeadlymorons! If you’re not… I mean… why not? He’s more than worth your time. In the meantime, I hope I can entertain you despite my not-Xanderness.

Brothers React to an MC Who’s Good at Games and Stuff 

Lucifer

Honestly couldn’t care less about the MC’s game proficiency in most cases. So they’re good at games? Good for them, he’s sure they’re happy.

But when they’re playing against him on the other hand…

Well, Lucifer may or may not be skilled at whatever game you set him on (he’s a very quick learner so never underestimate him), but he’s whole new levels of competitive when he wants to be. ESPECIALLY if he already thinks he’s hot shit at something.

Video games? Not his forte. Table top games? One word for you: Chess.

Lucifer believes that he can and will whip pretty much anyone’s ass in chess. That includes Satan, Solomon, Levi, and even Diavolo. He is at grandmaster level.

So imagine his shock, no, his disdain to have lost a game of chess to the MC… The moment they said "Checkmate" he stared at the board in front of them for a solid five minutes trying to work out where he went wrong…

And he wasn’t having that.

He and the MC now have regular chess matches in which he wins some and loses some so the tally stays pretty evenly tied. Really it’s all good fun... (but if they think he’s going to let them go home when he’s on a losing count, they’re Dead. Wrong. He’ll drag them back to down just to play chess with him until the score is right again. He DOES NOT lose, you hear? 🤨).

Mammon

Guess who’s found his gambling buddy?? 

No, really. He and the MC can make a KILLING at a Poker or Blackjack table! He’s never seen anyone better at poker than they are!! They have nerves of steel and give nothing away, so he’s lost more than a few hands to them before...

Even past the casinos, they’re perfect for making bets on! He once arranged a Devil Cart competition between the MC and Levi and took bets around RAD for who’d win...

Naturally, everybody assumed the Devildom’s resident Super-Otaku would win hands down, but the MC had this insane last minute save with a blue shell and pulled ahead in the last lap!!

He was like, the only person that bet on the MC and he got soooo much money that MC found HIM crying and hugging a bag of Grimm after the match…

Any time they win a game that gets him money, he’ll treat them like royalty for the next week. Man knows not to bite the hand that feeds him!... and creditors at bay... 😬

It may get slightly annoying that Mammon won't stop telling them about gaming competitions where they can get him more prize money, but hey, at least he's supportive, I guess.

Leviathan

Oh they are either his best friend or mortal enemy… Sometimes both in the same day.

Our boy hates losing, can't stand it any better than Lucifer, you KNOW the second he knows there's someone out there who even has a chance of beating him, he gets serious. This is not a "friendly rivalry," MC.

When they’re playing any game against each other, he'll call them by their gamertag/online persona to keep himself focused (yes, even if they’re playing Monopoly). They can't be his MC right now, they gotta be the person he's going to beat...

He's NOT opposed to dirty tactics to win, either. Saying things that will get them mad or flustered mid-match? Check. Using his tail to distract or tease them? Check. Just being a general nuisance/annoyance in game for the hell of it? Guilty as charged!

He's both a sore winner AND a sore loser, so unfortunately MC, you really can't win here... He'll be obnoxious regardless of the outcome.

However… when they’re on the same team, it's really something special. They don't just destroy the competition, they bulldoze over them like an armored tank barreling through rush hour traffic!

These two are legends in the online gaming community and have even started a streaming channel on the side. Sometimes your worst enemies also make the best allies... Who knew? 🤷‍♀️

Satan

Is surprisingly impressed by their gaming prowess. Are they just supremely skilled or incredibly lucky, you think…?

That being said, he's not the biggest gaming man on the planet so he's not too competitive with them one way or the other.

When Satan plays a video game, he usually goes for story-based, single-person experiences anyway so it's not like he could compete with them even if he wanted to.

That being said, they do share an informal challenge of sorts when it comes to puzzle/detective games (a not so guilty pleasure of his). He likes to try and beat the levels first, so when they start playing a new one they'll both compare time spent and scores.

He even enjoys playing those Devildom-style AR murder mystery games with them! It’s pretty cute to watch Satan get into it, he dips into his inner Levi and cosplays as some of his favorite TV drama detectives for the occasion and insists they dress as his co-star (best just go along with him. It’s not a bad time, even if they have to carry around an old tobacco pipe for a few hours).

Asmodeus

Good at games? That sounds dangerously like they're another Levi… 🙄 What about party games? Oh oh, or drinking games??

Actually scratch that. How about ANY game while drunk? That sounds pretty fun doesn’t it??

Like Drunk Truth or Dare!! Oh that's a favorite of his… 🤭

To be fair to the MC, the booze does diminish their skills somewhat (because that's kind of what it does in general) but not by all that much… It's pretty impressive.

He once challenged them to a game of Drunk Twister figuring that they'd be too unsteady to actually win for once, but no. If anything, the alcohol must have numbed the stretching pains because they bent over him like a pretzel!

Not that he was complaining or anything… 😏

He likes to take the MC to parties where he knows a game or two will be played just to show off to the crowd and brag that they’re HIS lovely, talented human! You go, MC, beat that competition to a pulp! 😌

Beelzebub

Sports count as games too, right? Well, they aren't half bad at those either.

Beel found it surprising that he found a human who could actually keep up with him. His brothers rarely want to play practice games with him anyway so it’s pretty exciting to have a sports partner at home!

He likes to ask the MC to help him train with practice matches or to go over certain moves or maneuvers he’s having trouble with. It’s not uncommon for the brothers to come home and find the two of them tossing a ball around in the front yard or something.

And the both of them on the same team? Forget it. It takes the dream team of Lucifer and Mammon (who aren’t just arguing with each other for once) to even come close to a challenge for them.

He also enjoys playing the occasional video game with them, though he treats it a lot like playing with Levi and just assumes he’ll never win unless he gets lucky - which does happen from time to time.

He doesn’t mind losing that much as long as he’s having fun, and if nothing else he can always win against them in an eating contest… He’s got those on lockdown. Come at’em MC, he’ll pack away an entire fridge before you’re done with your first plate. Try him.

Belphegor

So Belphie enjoys a good game or two - video-based or otherwise - it comes with the lazy-bastard territory. He may not be as skilled as Levi, but he can hold his own in some genres.

But he’s given up on beating the MC looong ago.

Do you know how much practice it would take? How many hours that he would have to use?? The hours where he could be napping instead???  Yeah, no thanks. They can continue to be the reigning Super Smash Devils champion for all he cares.

Buuuut even he has to admit, it’s pretty relaxing to watch the MC play something in the background... There’s a certain sort of satisfaction to watching someone who’s good at a game just play it straight through.

If they’re set up in Levi’s room or the Common area then Belphie may come over, set his pillow up on the floor, and watch them play. He may even throw in a comment or two like, “You missed a health pack,” or “Better save now,” but other than that he likes to just let them do their thing.

The MC has had many an all-nighter with Belphie spectating until about 4am or so. Then he’s dead to the world and they have to work out how to get his not-exactly-light demon ass onto a couch…

Or they can just leave him faceplanted and snoring on the floor. Up to them, really cause he did it to himself. 🤷‍♀️

[ashintheairlikesnow]

Haven Gray

CW: Abducted whumpee, description of missing person, captivity, BBU/WRU

Where Is Haven Gray?

r/FindTheMissing

•Posted by u/bananasare2appealing

3 days ago

In the summer of 20XX, 21-year-old Haven Gray texted family and friends to let them know a second job interview they’d just finished had gone well, and they expected to be offered the job.

They made plans to have dinner with a couple of friends to celebrate, but never showed up to the restaurant. They were reported missing by their parents later that night and have never been seen again.

Hey, everyone, this is my first attempt at a post like this, so I hope you’ll go easy on me! Haven Gray is a kind of a personal case to me, I went to the same high school a few years behind them and there was still a lot of talk about what could have happened and like, their picture is in a memorial frame in the hallway by the principal’s office. It’s just a really important case to me and I hope they figure out what happened to Haven one day.

Haven Gray was the oldest of three children born to Matthew and Maria Gray in the small town of Trenton, Indiana. Tall, with long wavy red hair and gray eyes, they stood out in a crowd in more ways than one.

Haven set records for their high school’s cross-country track team, played well on the school basketball team, and maintained a 3.5 GPA alongside plenty of extracurriculars and an active social life.

They then spent two years attending Trenton Community College, looking to finish out their degree at Indiana State University and go into the human resources field. They kept up a part-time job on the side, but during the summer before they would move to ISU, they decided to look for full-time work to help save up some money.

Haven’s mother Maria was interviewed after their disappearance by local news station INNW as saying that Haven was very excited about finishing up their degree and moving into their first real apartment. 

Haven had seen an ad on a job-hunting website for a receptionist for a temp agency that specialized in placing HR professionals in nearby companies. Seeing a way to get some relevant experience before they finished up their degree, they applied and were contacted for a job interview.

Here’s where things get just a little weird, before they get even weirder.

Haven texted a photo of the strip mall where the job interview was, and noted that the company was not located in a well-maintained place, which made Haven very nervous. The signage also seemed brand new, which conflicted with information on the company website suggesting they’d been in that location for years. 

They waited in their car and called the company phone. Only when someone came out to greet them did Haven go inside for the interview. 

The first interview went smoothly, and Haven excitedly called their friends and family to say a second interview was already scheduled with the owner of the small company. It turned out, they explained, that the creepy location was no longer the company’s main location, and their second interview would be at a different address in a much nicer part of town.

They did not give any explanation, if any was given to them, about the reason for brand new signage if the business was in the process of leaving that address. On the day of the second interview, one week later, Haven’s mother saw them leaving in a deep blue top with satin detailing at the neck and gray slacks. 

They exchanged goodbyes, and Haven reminded their mother they would be meeting friends tonight, either to celebrate a good interview or commiserate over a bad one.

“My comfort,” Maria Gray said in her interview with INNW, “is that I said goodbye and I love you. I have that, at least. So many don’t get that final chance. I just wish I had known it was the last time. I would have looked at them a little longer.”

From here, Haven is seen on camera at their ‘regular’ Starbucks a few moments later, ordering a large (venti) iced latte. An automatic speed-checker camera next to the highway captured their car with license plate clearly visible driving in the direction of the interstate a few minutes later.

Two hours after this sighting, they called a friend, Natalie Morales, to tell her that the interview had gone well and they believed they would be offered the job. Dinner that night, Haven said, would definitely be a celebration. 

They texted three other friends, Maria, and Matthew - as well as a younger sibling. These are the last direct communications anyone had with Haven Gray.

“They didn’t sound scared,” Natalie said in her own interview with True Crime Podcast Now You See Them, Now You Don’t. "Not at all. I’ve thought about it over and over again, trying to ask myself, was there fear there? Had something already happened? And I just don’t think so. I think whatever happened, happened after they hung up the phone. They were excited, said the pay rate was way more than they expected for a receptionist job. The only thing is that they said the guy who interviewed them kind of... gave them the, you know. Made the hair on their arms stand up. You know what I mean? And I thought of that first, when they never... but he has an alibi.”

The man in question is Ladd Prescott, the stated owner of the temp agency Haven applied to. Ladd gave multiple interviews, off-camera and to law enforcement, but he did not leave the office and is seen on in-office security cameras and he is not considered a person of interest in the case.

The final image of Haven’s whereabouts that day comes from the CCTV camera at an ATM for Haven’s bank one hour after the final text message sent to their father Matthew. They are seen pulling up in their car to the drive-thru ATM, where they withdrew $300. 

Notable about this footage is three things:

1. Haven appears to look directly at the camera twice, deliberately holding their gaze maybe

2. Their hair, carefully styled when they left for the interview according to Maria, is noticeably in disarray, and they do not appear to be wearing the same shirt they had on when they left (the footage is super grainy, so this is hard to tell exactly, but if you check here you can see that they appear to be wearing a white t-shirt). 

3. A shadow just behind them moves independently of Haven, gestures a few times, and it appears - and police believe - that someone else is in the car with Haven Gray directing their movements.

Haven never arrived at the restaurant. When their friends attempted to contact them, the phone went directly to voicemail. This was very out of the ordinary for Haven, so friends called Maria and Matthew, who became immediately worried and contacted the police.

Haven Gray officially was listed as a missing person the next day.

Four days later, their car - with IDs, debit and credit card, a book they were reading, and their resume and list of questions from the interview all inside - was located at a nearby riverfront, abandoned. The only thing missing was the $300 in cash Haven had taken out of the ATM, and Haven themself. 

A witness came forward later stating they had seen a man with ashy blond hair who appeared to be in his 40′s or 50′s smoking next to the car the day Haven was last seen. This man has never come forward or been located and his connection to Haven’s disappearance, if any, is unknown.

Law enforcement believes that Haven was abducted within half an hour of finishing their interview by someone who forced their way into the car, and likely directed to the ATM to take cash out and then met someone else or moved into a different car after parking Haven’s at the riverfront. 

Weirdly, the riverfront was checked the day after Haven was declared missing, which suggests someone came back and moved the car after the witness saw the smoking man, then moved it back into place after the initial search of the area was over with.

Cell towers picked up pings from Haven’s phone for four hours afterward, heading due east. The nearest big city would have been Cincinnati, so it’s possible the abductor headed that direction. If they did, though, they took a winding route and Haven’s phone was turned off or discarded before reaching the city. 

Look, I know this is a big conspiracy theory and there’s absolutely no proof, but I think Haven was abducted by WRU. 

Why?

Three weeks prior to their disappearance, Haven attended a bar’s “singles night”. They mentioned to friends later that they connected with a man who worked for WRU as a handler, but then decided they couldn’t handle the reality of what he did and cut off contact before they could have their first real date.

(The handler in question has been cleared during the investigation, but I still have my suspicions)

I know this seems like the flimsiest reason, but Haven’s friends all say that the man was very upset by Haven’s discomfort with his job, tried to keep contacting them for days. I think the job interview is a red herring and it’s this handler guy who is behind it somehow - maybe him, or his friends.

Also, there’s a WRU Training Facility in Cincinnati, Ohio, only a few hours away... and law enforcement never even tried to get a warrant to search there. Easy way to get rid of someone if you did something to them, right?

(I know, I know, WRU has standards and does checks and all that, but seriously. Think about it.)

A year later, improbably, a farmer working to mow the ditch next to his fields found Haven’s cell phone in a ziploc inside a second plastic bag. The phone had been wiped to factory settings and no new useful information was found.

So, where is Haven Gray? 

Were they murdered? Abducted? Will we find their body in a field one day? Were they just dumped in the river next to their abandoned car? Are they part of the WRU system now? No one seems to know, and reported sightings of them in Los Angeles, New York City, and even one mention from Sydney, Australia, seem hard to believe.

Haven’s mother Maria says they have no plans to declare Haven legally dead, and they intend to keep looking “as long as it takes”.

What Are Your Thoughts?

-

WRU NEW ACQUISITION INTAKE FORM FACILITY 005

SUBJECT: 549065

DATE OF ACQUISITION: 06.06.20XX

TIME OF ACQUISITION: 1:45 PM

LOCATION ASSIGNED: FACILITY 005, CINCINNATI, OHIO

PREVIOUS ALIAS: Haven Finley Gray

AGE: 21

DATE OF BIRTH: 07.19.20XX

HAIR: Red

EYES: Gray

HEIGHT: 6′0″

WEIGHT: 153 lbs 

SEXUALITY: Pansexual 

DESIGNATION: Romantic

KNOWN SKILLS: Subject in school for business-related major, excellent with typing, record-keeping, work with Excel spreadsheets, etc. Subject reports regular workouts primarily consisting of long-distance cardio. Subject refused to provide details on sex life but is known to have been active in the dating scene of local area. Subject is known to be gregarious and social.

HOBBIES: Subject mentioned reading as a hobby, with primary interest in fantasy and science fiction. Three books located in subject’s car at time of acquisition. 

KNOWN CONCERNS: Subject is showing some irregularities in heartrate, likely due to fear. No other known concerns. 

KNOWN IMMEDIATE FAMILY: Matthew and Maria Gray, both living, location Trenton, Indiana. Grandparents are deceased.

SIBLINGS: Two younger siblings: Mark, brother, two years younger, and Penny, sister, four years younger. 

METHOD OF ACQUISITION: Involuntary. 

ACQUISITION DETAILS: Access to subject provided by local business. Subject was apprehended without incident by Handler Benjamin Ralford. Subject was given an injection of sedative and transferred to WRU company vehicle at 3:15 pm. The rest of the acquisition proceeded without incident.

ASSIGNED HANDLERS: 

CONTRACT SIGNED: 06.09.20XX 5:55 PM

           PRIMARY: Benjamin Ralford, per request, acting as primary. Handler and Processor, Romantic Division.

           SECONDARY: Melissa Striker, Senior Handler and Processor, Romantic Division

SIGNATURE PROVIDED VOLUNTARILY, SUBJECT NOT SEDATED FOR SIGNING. SUBJECT SHOWED NO VISIBLE SIGNS OF INJURY AT TIME OF SIGNING. SUBJECT REPORTED FEELINGS OF FEAR AND CONFUSION COMMON TO NEW RECRUITS.  

CONTRACT SIGNATURE: Haven Gray, aka 549065

PRESENT AT TIME OF SIGNING: Handler Benjamin Ralford, Badge #3345, WRU Attorney Ryan Alderson. 

ESTIMATED COST FOR TRAINING: $125,000 USD

COMPENSATION TO BE PAID BY PROSPECTIVE:  $500,000 USD 

CURRENT LOCATION: Romantic Division Room #12, post-signing contract

TRAINING PLAN: ALL Positions 1-35, Flexibility, Sensitivity, Endurance, Dance, Socialization

COMMENTS:

I’m going to take every fucking thing out of that head and put back in only what I want to be there. I think they’ll fall in line once the Drip is really working on them. My professional recommendation is total illiteracy should be emphasized before moving on to other training. They’ll do better with focus and commitment on the skills we want to impart that way. I am also recommending absolutely no scarring unless there is no other option. - Benjamin Ralford, Primary Handler

Scribbled at the bottom of the paper and not put in to WRU’s digitized records system is a note in Ralford’s handwriting:

Should’ve gone on that fucking date, asshole

-

@astrobly @burtlederp @finder-of-rings @whump-tr0pes @raigash @orchidscript @doveotions @pretty-face-breaker @eatyourdamnpears @boxboysandotherwhump @vickytokio @whumpfigure @outofangband @downriver914 @justabitofwhump @thehopelessopus @butwhatifyouwrite @yet-another-heathen @nonsensical-whump

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

so this morning, while scrolling through my fb feed, i came across an nyt opinion/advice piece from a 27yo (ie basically me lmao) who is obviously lucky, in a sense, to finally land their “dream job using my (their) skills” etc. like obvs i can’t read it bc of the stupid “you get one free article a month if you either don’t have an account or subscription” (my one free article was used up reading an article about adult adhd like last week)….. thing that nyt does.

but anyway. back on topic lol. the crux of the article in both the headline and the quote snippet was that the advice asker was really dissatisfied with the 40 hour work week that came with her “dream job”. with how having this 40hr workweek gave her no time to do her busy chores like house cleaning or laundry or didn’t even give her time to let her have her hobbies/creative pursuits (whatever they were/are).

however, in the comments on the article (and apparently from those who read the article on the comments, the advice/opinion column writer) a good bunch of like gen Xer’s and baby boomers (im assuming) were ganging up on the asker like “suck it up princess, it’s what life is!!! i work 70+ hours a week and LOVE IT and have just resigned myself to the fact that i have NO time left over to do my “chores”! learn to O U T S O U R C E these life admin tasks to someone else!!! everyone MUST LEARN this in america!!! it makes life so much easier ☺️” and such.

of course, there were plenty of the same bs comments that you see on anything about careers or home ownership towards millennials/gen Z’ers about “learn to go WITHOUT and save save save and squander your time so that you NEVER live and HAVE FUN or TIME FOR HOBBIES! my bet is that your parents did that and they survived just fine while also raising your ungrateful spiteful ass (not including any type of health issues they might have picked up from such long hours/shitty working conditions) so why can’t you just L E A R N to do the same you precious spoilt brat!!! because the reality of Real Life™️ is that you can’t have it both ways!!! then you’ll have early retirement guaranteed, hopefully!!! and know that hobbies really are time wasters most of the time ☺️ or at least they were for me!!! and your precious so-called “creative pursuits” most definitely are time wasters. no one needs THOSE.” and so on so forth.

they also had jibes for her bc the asker wanted to start a family at some point apparently… and apparently it’s “much worse” once you have kids. like. thanks geraldine and henry. you’ve just told us how much you’ve resented having your kids/family in one fell swoop. your opinion which you’ve framed as unhelpful, condescending advice is now voided.

like. i don’t know how rhonda or paul or deandra or philip could miss the point so fucking entirely. why the fuck should anyone- nay everyone (bc that’s what they make it sound like)- learn to outsource their busy chores like laundry/house cleaning/grocery shopping or god knows what else- to someone else???? why is that apparently a standard expected to be learnt in the US???

like why the fuck are you so desperate for people not to have free time to do these things (unless of course they live in some of those shitty nyc or other big city apartment blocks that don’t come with individual private laundries in the self-contained flats or a communal laundry on like the bottom floor or w/e for example) frank????

deidre why the hell are you so bitterly hankering about “be grateful that you have it easier than most and learn that hobbies mean jackshit and just sell your soul and time to your boss!!! when will the generation stopping being “me me me!!!” and “work life balance!” and think about the company’s bottom line!! learn that “work life balance” is never important! work like a slave for 50 years and see if your valuable experience is needed then! that’s when you’ll learn that those hours where you were never being lazy, instead of just expecting life to be handed to you, will have paid off!” or whatever other ridiculously toxic capitalist bullshit they were spitting out.

obviously there were FAR MORE people actually supporting the question asker and echoing the idea that the 40hr workweek is now redundant. they were also putting down the opinion/advice piece writer’s advice to the asker….. that was apparently similar to the all the bitter people on the comments saying that the 27yo was just “asking for too much” and had to “learn to suck it up instead of being a petulant and overly selfish dick!!” etc etc etc. we all know the spiel as thoroughly as the macarena now.

because whats so fucking wrong with wanting time to yourself and wanting time to do your busy chores??? why the fuck should i be outsourcing these to other people (unless of course you’re still living at home and your parents are still like “hey what clothes do you need washed i’m doing a load rn” or you have a partner that works from home or has some type of parental leave etc)???? i want to do my own laundry. i want to do my own gardening (ok lawn mowing or tree lopping (if needed) i’d actually outsource bc i can’t lift or push lawn mowers bc they’re heavy af for me or and i obvs can’t use a chainsaw)… but i want to do my own grocery shopping. i want to do my own cooking (although i would consider the meal kit services once i had job that allowed me to afford like $50 a month for one of those meal kits sub services) i want to do my own cleaning.

why, if i lived in the US and not australia, am i just expected to learn to outsource all of these tasks even if i don’t have the money for it??? like why the actual fuck are so many of you so fucking weirdly proud of being absolutely worked into the fucking ground for your “great country” (although this is actually bleeding through to australia too and i hate it); working like literally close to 100 hours a week???

because i wasn’t aware you had to be whatever the fuck his name is from 127 hours and cut your fucking limbs off just to fucking survive a job in either corporate america or just let alone any goddamned job in america….. all so they can supposedly “learn to like working for free and devaluing your worth even more to your employer through overworking yourself and always being available!!! mental health is for those who aren’t built for the Real Adult World™️!!! this person is a prime example of the younger generations being weak and dissatisfied with life so often because of their “oh poor little me!!! care for me!!” act. NO ONE CARES FOR YOU today. stop being so over-expectant/demanding and juvenile!!! only YOU care yourself and you should NEVER expect someone else to pick you up from YOUR bootstraps!!! you’re fucking whiny and conceited babies. the lot of you!!!”

because i honestly don’t know who the fuck would enjoy working 70+ hours week with no time to themselves to do what they enjoy doing…. or enjoy having zilch time to catch up on errands and life admin duties or just general house chores; especially if you’ve moved cities or an entire fucking state/s away from your family and support network. let alone doing the same thing on 40 hours a week.

and on top of everything, let’s not even get started on the time spent commuting to and from work or even commuting for life errands/tasks etc etc- especially if you’re like me and you’re nowhere near the capital city’s centre (ie sydney australia for me) for there to be reliable enough public transport and longer commute times to certain places in those cities (that i’ve bitched about plenty before on other posts on here about work/jobs).

get your head out of your asses warren and viola et al and realise that work life balance is literally NOT ASKING FOR MUCH and is asking employers to just have basic respect for their employees time if they work fulltime. it’s literally detrimental to ones health if they have to sacrifice what feels like (or what is literally like) their entire fucking existence to their employer just for meagre pay and just to fucking survive.

because i read a heart-breaking article last night from huffpost (posted by buzzfeed on fb) about a woman in the US who literally hid her having a second baby from her employer for an entire fucking year (literally the entire pregnancy and birth of the baby and the first 6 months post pushing the baby out) during the pandemic all because she was scared she would get demoted or lose her leading of a project and lose her bs “temp” job which had really turned into full time work although the employer never said anything about it being actually full time hours or whatever…. and plus the lady herself was apparently to scared to ask to be put on the books fulltime too for some weird reason.

like honestly. fuck capitalism. fuck thinking that “work life balance is just too hard for employers to add and regulate. it’s an excuse and ploy for workers to be unprofessional, unproductive and lazy!” or whatever the fuck. everyone deserves time to themselves to pursue their interests/hobbies and busy chores/life admin. no one deserves to waste their entire life working 70+ work weeks for those employers who literally have no respect for their employees personal lives and time.

and particularly during the time that is the pandemic as we’ve seen so many companies having to learn to wholeheartedly embrace working from home and more flexible schedules for their workers. worklife balance is absolutely fucking beneficial for everyone involved.

america fix your bullshit work ethic right now lmao.

[kvngjoong]

san + nsfw a-z

thank you to whoever created this a-z prompt because it is great. please let me know if you want anyone else done! i enjoyed doing san’s and will probably do mingi next (unless others are requested)

A: Aftercare

takes a more caring approach. will usually be breathless after finishing so will want to lay with you for at least a minute or two to calm down a little. whilst he steadies his breathing he will keep looking at you with a smile and then ask if you need anything. prefers to lay around for a while and do nothing, play with your hair or your talk about anything you want. if you want to do more stuff that relates to kinks, he will check if you liked whatever happened and remember for next time. will also keep check of any pain inflicted on you

B: Body Part

is into pretty much everything about you, so will struggle to find something he likes more than the rest of you. but, if he had to, it would probably be your waist and your thighs, something he likes to touch a lot. its your thighs that he keeps his hands on often and isnt impartial to marking you there, but also your waist since he'll place his hands there to keep you with him. so yeah, thighs most of all. for him… nothing comes to mind immediately. if anything it would be his flexibility but that isn’t a body part… so maybe he just likes his body in general. his hips. let’s keep it there

C: Cum

doesn’t cum too much, and doesn’t taste of anything too overpowering (basically, a perfect match for everyone). it’s hard to predict at first where he wants to cum because it depends what kind of mood he’s in and what kink you focused on (if any). if it’s vanilla, he probably prefers to cum in you (more on that later), though if not will cum on your thighs, or your face

D: Dirty Secret

not so secret, but he’s really into the whole daddy dom thing. not so much being called daddy (but by all means, do exactly that) but more into spending money on you. he’s always gonna put his card out to pay for anything for you, and will shower you in gifts whenever he can because he likes the thought of spending money on you. he doesn’t know where it comes from, though he realised how into it he was when he sent you some money when you were out shopping and he got hard over it. weird one

E: Experience

not the most experienced but still has some. have you seen his face? he definitely knows what he’s doing, even if half of it comes from reading about it. not sure why, but he does seem like he would be the guy who has experience from being part of a community of some kind (you know, an online one maybe)

F: Favourite Position

literally into anything. no joke, if you’re into it, he’s probably gonna be into it. will tend to go for doggy because he can do whatever he wants from there and can be in control, but occasionally likes you on top so he can see your face. as always it depends on what kind of mood he’s in, because if it’s more vanilla then it’s likely to be a missonary type thing. but no matter what he does, he will make it his own with something that San™

G: Goofy

definitely more serious because of his dom tendencies. knows to make it fun sometimes and if you’re in that kind of mood, he can make it fun and laugh about things. he’s very much adaptable when he needs to be, so whatever you want/need in the moment, he’s that

H: Hair

he strikes me as someone who keeps himself groomed in some aspect. definitely some manscaping, definitely takes care of himself, but if you want a certain look he’ll give it to you. will have that discussion with you when you’re ready for it

I: Intimacy

intimate if it’s right to be intimate, more in the moment if that’s appropriate. everything he does carries a level of his feelings towards you as he wouldn’t be with you if he didn’t love you. if he’s feeling particularly emotional then it will show in everything he does. it’s pretty simple, he understands the importance of intimacy behind every action, especially in a relationship

J: Jack Off

you do it for him, so why should he… just kidding. when you’re not around, he will go back to whatever memories he has of you, but he often prefers to call you and talk to you as he jacks off. he will almost have a sub mindset as he asks you to describe what you would do to him so he can imagine it. also loves your voice, so there’s that. he won’t do it too often though. he seems like he teases a lot but has a lot of self control.

K: Kink

oh, there are a lot. too many to name. he gives everything a go at least once to see what it’s like, but he has his favourites. he’s in to the whole dom thing (he is a dom) and definitely will be into anything bdsm related, but he’s still exploring his interests and will be happy to discover new kinks with you. he probably doesn't keep it much of a secret with you that he’s into the whole domestic thing, and really wants to have kids with you, so breeding is a low key kink for him. it ties with both the dom and domestic in him

L: Location

this is pretty straight forward. anywhere that’s gonna make you happy. if it’s just you two he’s literally down for anything, anywhere. especially likes it where he can assert his dominance though, so bending you over anything or having you against a wall will be a preference to him

M: Motivation

hmm… this one is kinda hard. i don’t think there’s much to discuss because it’s pretty straight forward. you get him going. he’s not over the top but something as small as a you saying something or touching him in the wrong place, or even using a specific tone will change the way he looks at you (you can tell he’s in that mood when his eyes follow you and only you, jaw clenched and lips slightly curled upwards). he’ll pop an immediate boner when he sees certain lingerie on you

N: NO

really not into exhibitionism or anything. hates the thought of someone looking at you like he does and getting off to you (he’s really possessive over you, even if he doesn’t always show it). he also just gets a bit uncomfortable with the thought of someone listening to you guys, but that’s just a general consensus for anyone who’s not into it. he’ll set his hard limits when you guys explore what you’re both into

O: Oral

prefers receiving if anything, but that’s not because he doesn't like giving. he really does, he just saves it for special occasions. when he gives he will spend as much time as he can working on you; he could make a whole evening of it if he wanted to. it’s a reward in his books, though when he receives it’s usually when he takes a less caring approach to you and wants to use you to get himself off (a punishment, maybe?)

P: Pace

slow, likes to make sure you can feel everything he’s doing. gets a bit sloppy when he’s spent but he controls himself the majority of the time so will do whatever he needs to do to get you off and show how he feels about you

Q: Quickie

not really into them, not unless it’s the morning (but then again that will still be more than five minutes). sex is more than sex for san, so quickies don’t really hit it (that isn’t to say he’s impartial to head in the bathroom when you’re wearing something he likes, or you touch him in the wrong place)

R: Risk

always game to try new things and experiment with stuff you haven’t done before. however he doesn’t really like risks as in being caught. he likes to take his time with you and make sure that you’re fully taken care of, so he will prefer to know the entire evening you won’t be disturbed

S: Stamina

This isn’t a game, have you seen this boy? He can go for whatever amount of time he wants to. As in, don’t test him or try to tease him, because no matter who you are, you will never outrun san

T: Toy

simple: if you’re into using toys, he’s into it. he will use them on you rather than the reverse, since he doesn’t have much of a sub in him, but he really has a thing for getting you off himself so tends to use his hands/lips/tongue/etc whenever he can

U: Unfair

he teases it in accordance with the mood and whether you’re being good. he can tease for as long as he needs (because he does have a lot of self-control) but tends to go more towards rewarding. he is more of the nurturing type dom, almost caring, so he prefers to either reward you or not reward you than tease you (if this makes any sense). that doesn’t mean he won’t make you beg for him, because if he wants that, he’ll get it

V: Volume

in terms of dirty talk, he does that a hell of a lot. doesn’t know when to shut up sometimes because he likes to get you off with his voice. in the same respect, he won’t ever silence himself around you and wants you to know how much you’re pleasing him, too. so expect a lot of moaning, a lot of whining, a few whimpers here and there, and a never-ending string of praises going your way.

W: Wild Card

as said, san is really into spending money on you. one time you’ll receive a text from san asking what you’re doing and when you tell him that you’re out shopping for some clothes, he’ll send you a bit of money and ask him to get something nice for him. only condition is that you send him pictures of everything you’re buying so he knows what it looks like. after a few pictures of you in some tight dresses, he’ll send a bit more for some lingerie to match and ask you to surprise him for when he gets home later. sugar daddy san reigns superior

X: X-Ray

average, in the nicest way. a perfect all-rounder that can please everyone. not too big or too small, nor to thick or thin. i would say he borders on the thicker end of the scale if anything, but it’s nothing that will cause problems.

Y: Yearning

he can control himself whenever he needs to, but in the same breath he can go whenever he wants to as well. that does mean that if you're wearing something he likes a bit too much, he'll be pulling at your clothes because he knows what he wants.

Z: ZZZ

Unless it’s some late night, you were both into it but you were already tired, kinda thing, he will stay awake for a bit. Usually waits for you to sleep first anyway and will snuggle into you and fall asleep with a smile on his face. His stamina is pretty good, so can also end up staying awake if you’re staying awake too. Cause he’s a people pleaser, it all comes down to what you want. If you’re gonna go get a mcflurry afterwards, he’s gonna be paying for both you and him.

[untitled59001]

It's been a while, 1st year not having work, I mean I've enjoyed it, long naps, no fear of a Monday, no worries about work just lots of sleep and had time to find myself and do things I've always wanted to do, well it happened, kind of. Made a company which was my dream and doing it with a close friend, 6-8 months ago it was amazing, imagine this new company working on a website so many thoughts about where we would go and make a better life for our self's with but now it's December again, business partner is useless just like most people in this world, doesn't help I mean I thought u picked a good one but I'm definitely regretting it. I mean what had he done... Wait for the list.... Created our name, nothing else its me me me doing this as usual no one got what It takes so 50/50 on ditching the idea wasting my own money and time into this unless I get full ownership of the company then tbh fuck it, fuck it all Ill go back to living a min-Fri job that I don't enjoy and looking forward to a holiday every now and then and growing up to be 50 like everyone else, 50 and wasted my fucking life doing what everyone else does. Thought I used this year well but I really haven't, crested a company, website and sold some football boots I mean how great it was spent.... Thinking ditch the business and try sell stuff online it's easier and just extra money to spend on shit. And it comes back to why this has anything to do with where I am now.. Well because I fell like shit I mean not shit or sad I mean it doesn't get lower than this, this is the same getting signed off for work, no feeling no emotion just empty, it doesn't get worse I could no lie stare at a wall and my brain wouldn't even flinch just nothing, emptyness void hmm.... BTW its Christmas, forcefully buying gifts for the family for the sake of it, all bullshit no thought no nothing, here have this jumper wow amazing thankyou I love it(ohh fuck off) it's a jumper that got given to me to give to you how excellent of you. Why am I grinchy at Christmas, because its the norm, I hate the norm, 9-5 job, save, house kids like(normal) and I don't want normal I want extraordinary different better the best. I want to fly away from everything everyone now I don't miss anyone let me travel for the rest of my life, because then was the happiest, makes me sadder thinking of the actual time I said and thought I'm happy, I want that feeling the feeling of goodness warmth inside the feeling of a true smile that doesn't revert back to a plain face of emptyness. Maybe in 6 months time this all changes and I'm happy but at the moment it's not that, need to stay positive, calm and I guess be myself. All this is a few things mels gran parent, I put on a nice guy when I want him dead, like seriously couldn't make me happier right now and the quicker he goes it's one less knife in my heart. Feeling like my years wasted, why do I feel like I'm doing the best in everything but yet arnt? Think the best, talk the best try the best but yet miles behind people? I don't know what I want at the moment but if it brings joy I'll have that first please. Want to chat to Laura if I'm honest just gets in nuturally and listens and I'm not afraid to explain sometimes you need someone different in your life a few times a year like a reset button snaps you out of normal I guess all I wish for now is to be home alone and cry in a shower just need some expression of this feeling. I don't know what's next maybe Christmas might help but I don't want to have to smile for everyone when inside theres no smiles left just anger sadness and the feeling of well nothing, a wall of anger I want to break everything I see if I imagine breaking it, it makes me want to do it just. Meh that's it helps not easy to find but i guess I got to help myself first...........................................................................................

[fuck-customers]

Happy New Year hope you like Heatstroke

Yeah so. Event Services binch back with a long and harrowing tale. Those two shift days in a row on 30th and 31st were nooooot good for me. This is pretty much a 'Fuck how shitty my boss gets when she's stressed and also just fuck 14 hour shifts in general'.

The 9hrs on Monday turned into 9.5 hours. In 30c+ heat (and just a reminder, Sydney is currently constantly covered in smoke haze, we are always breathing smoke), but a breeze came through early afternoon to save us some. There was 4 of us putting up park signange in prep for the NYE event. I ended up schleping the ladder around a lot, I was the only one on that team that actually does weights so i carried a lot. Not a problem really except the signs and ladder are awkward to carry. Only real issue that day was my dinner was in the fridge all day which... turned out hadn't been working for 2 days (why they hadn't fucking put a sign on it about that I DON'T KNOW). Lots of people's shit got thrown out. My food was only just edible after nuking in the microwave cause i keep it in a thermo lunch bag.

The worst was NYE. 13 hour shift (it actually became a 14 hour shift). Started at 12pm, set to finish at 1am (I finished at 2). The sun was not forgiving, we had way more signage to put up because we had to wait for barriers to be set up before we could add signage to them (like line barriers for rides, entry barriers for VIP areas, that kinda thing). Our instruction sheets were BAD. They had OLD pictures that were tiny so seeing what signs were supposed to go where was hard. There was only three of us, the weather was in the high 30's and I'm sure it hit 40 at one point.

I ate a small brunch at 10 that morning. I did not get a break by 5pm like we were supposed to (park was to open at 6:30). I was yelled at by my boss for all the signage being in the wrong places and wasting cable ties (none of that signage I put up, or signage i put up with someone else's instruction they had gotten from my boss btw, so why i got yelled at idk). I was told to go straight up to my box office shift, I did not realise the box office was located outside with no shade during NYE (there was a marquee but the sun was low and behind us so *shrug* no sun cover).

I had to share a locker because NYE be like that, but the person I was sharing with was a ditz, and she thought I had the key, and she either lost it or didn't look for it properly in her pockets. Either way, I had to frantically run around in 38c trying to find her to get in the locker to change into the long black uniform pants I have to wear for box shift. 

By the time i found her, got my pants on, walked all the way out the front and up the stairs and up the hill and down the path to box i was nearly dead. The other girls there told me i could sit cause it wouldn't get busy for a while. So i sat on a bench and then became very aware of how hot i was and how much i was not cooling down and i felt nauseous. And I had had like 2 and a half litres of water at this point, I have a 1ltr bottle so it makes tracking that easy. It just wasn't doing enough.

One of the Guest relations people hanging out up there went 'yeah okay you need first aid' so she got me some hydrolyte and escorted me down once I'd shaken off enough dizziness to walk again. Was in First Aid for half an hour, they got me to drink more hydrolyte and put an ice pack on my neck and gave me a barley sugar lozenge to get my blood sugar up. Then i was finally given my half hour break on their insistence. Got to eat at last. Had to check in with FA before going back to my box shift, and thankfully by then, about 6:30, a wind change came through making the temp drop about 10 degrees. 

But I basically spent the time between then and 11:30 recovering ( I was on guest list duty and also did ticket collect, it was pretty quiet tho). At 9:40 my boss called one of the shift leads up at Box to see if they could send me home, and I had to say no. I was scared they'd FORCE me to leave after the heatstroke thing, but i NEED the money, this is my ONLY job, and I'm not even getting the pay for it til two weeks into the new year (it fell into the next pay period and i had no shifts inside the previous pay period).

They apparently were sending several peripheral staff home, I felt like I needed to find extra jobs to do just so they'd let me stay, but also, if i didn't stay past midnight i wouldn't get the public holiday bonus. I NEED THAT TOO. ESPECIALLY after all the work I'd done the day before, it felt like a fucking slap in the face even though i knew it was them trying to make sure I didn't end up getting sick and suing or some shit (As if i have the money to sue). Also I'd miss the Fireworks, which while not my main concern, still a bummer, because my dudes. Sydney Fireworks on NYE with a view from where I work. People pay more money than I currently have just to experience it. Honestly it's part of the payoff for the hell shift.

THANKFULLY my boss went 'ah right okay yeah just stay up there on guest list til the original end of shift'. I also made sure to stick my nose in on the sales end so i could use it as basic box office pre-training, since my boss has already said she wants to train me on box office. Somewhere around 10 I had my second break and wolfed down my food (they had a replacement staff fridge working that day thankfully) which i was glad i brought cause I never got given a staff wristband, brief sheet or token for a provided meal. Because I started before that sign in procedure was even set up for the rest of the staff. And then i went about taking down signage about 11:30, and then I did the running around taking signage down after 12, and like... the area we're in involves some steep hill walks to get to these outside sign placements (I'd put half of them up so it also made sense for me to go take them down). 

And that's where MORE fuckery came in, because the shitty instructions didn't tell me where ALL the signs were, so i had to go HUNTING for the ones i HADN'T put up, and i swear either another department took them down and didn't relay that, or they'd been removed by council or something thinking they belonged to council. Either way i was up and down those fucking hills with horribly chaffed thighs, sore legs, sore arms, cut up hands from removing signs with cable ties too tight, and I couldn't find half the fucking signs. but at least I took one of the newbies with me to help look so I had a witness to not being able to find things. 

So yeah. I had to go find my supervisor (no idea where boss was, prefer supervisor anyway, she's nicer under stress and poor thing was pulling a 19 hour shift) and let her know I was an hour over my finish time and which signs we hadn't been able to retrieve. She was fine with that, the rest of the people were scheduled for packdown to like 3:30 so she sent me to sign out. 

And then i had to just sit for about 45 minutes back of house with some of the others who'd clocked off at 1 and who were waiting for the free leftovers from the VIP areas that came out at 3. I had a tiny tasty cake thing but that was it, then I left at 3 and got home about 4:45. Didn't get to sleep til about 5:30.

And I've spent yesterday and today trying to recover but now Iv'e got weird low-buzz tinnitus in my left ear that started yesterday and hasn't fucked off, several bruises, many muscle aches, and I'm kinda dreading facing my boss again even though she probably doesn't really care much about the signage thing, she just gets really shitty and yelly under stress. But of course I've been gaslit and mistreated in so many of my other jobs that the voice in the back of my head is constantly going 'watch out bitch you might get randomly terminated at any moment!!!' even though i know i probably won't. 

I can just never be sure anymore. Can't trust anyone when it comes to work. Can never relax my guard, going to be stressing about it for a long time. I am never agreeing to a shift that long again though. And definitely not doing anymore outdoor setup shifts in Summer. 

Honestly hoping this ear buzz shit goes away at some point. In the end for my 23.5 hours of work in 2 days I'll probably maybe get $500 after tax. Maybe. Which will only just be floating my account by the time i get it. Everyone else was talking about having that sweet NYE bonus cash and I'm like ;u; yeah. Sure. haha. Bonus cash. TnT I need a proper fucking career job already i am so tired. 

[theaurorfileshq]

V E S P E R   B R A N W E N  /  A U R O R   C O R P O R A L

AGE:  Thirty

BADGE NUMBER: U73E82

BLOODSTATUS: Pureblood

GENDER/PRONOUNS: Genderfluid, They/Them

IDENTIFYING FEATURES: White Serpent Tattoo on Their Upper Arm, Designer Leather Jackets, Tight Jeans

STRENGTHS/WEAKNESSES:

(+): Metamorphmagus, Offensive Magic, People Skills

(-):  Memory Problems, Defensive Magic, Impatient and Quick to Make Reckless Decisions

BACKGROUND:

(tw: abuse, mind control/manipulation )

(i.) –– waking up.

There’s confusion, when they wake up at the hospital. A strange white room. Strange white sheets. A head that feels like cotton. A hospital bracelet around their wrist that says Jane Doe, which is –– which doesn’t sit easy in their chest. They don’t know what else should be written there, they don’t know a lot of things that they probably should.

They open their eyes, and they look around in confusion, and there’s a man sitting asleep in the chair beside their bed. He looks tired and gentle, looks dear and worried, and they have absolutely no idea who he is. In his sleep he looks peaceful, and they feel unsettled and relaxed all at once. There are warring instincts in their confused mind that warn them against him, in the same moment they feel cared for.

The nurses are kind, the doctors are kinder. It’s a very nice hospital, and they have magic at their very fingertips. When they ask who the man is, they’re told that his name is Rafael, and he’s the one who brought them here. He’s a government official. Very important. Very well respected. Very powerful. sRafael de la Cruz comes to see them every day, and so the story unfolds.

They are a lost and damaged bird, and he found them on the streets. Wandering, cold, confused. Empty headed and hurt. They must have been attacked, someone must have hurt them, and someone must have obliviated them afterwards. The damage was vast, and that’s why they don’t remember who they are, where they are. The medi-wix’s that work on their case are hopeful that with time, it will come back.

(ii.) –– rebirth.

Not much comes back at all. A name. Vesper. They pick the surname on their own, something that sounds cool, something that they see in one of the magazines that sits beside their bed. Bright, pastel things that Rafael bought for them to read. Vesper Branwen feels like an identity, and Rafael feels like a friend.

They aren’t sure why he wastes his time on them. Why he comes to see them every day, why he’s paying for the best of care. He tells them that he’s fond of them, that he could have never abandoned someone who needed help. He has a glint in his eyes, and a smile on his face, and he brushes their hair away from their face. The warring instincts inside them have leveled out, and more than anything they’re glad that someone cares about them.

Things blossom fast, with them and Rafael. It starts when a nurse tells them that they’re ‘just the cutest couple,’ and shifts into lightspeed when Vesper gets released from the hospital. They need somewhere to stay, and Rafael rents them a room in a hotel that feels far too nice for them. They have nothing, so they accept it, so they let Rafael buy them pretty dresses and nice food, a place to lay their head. They have no one, so they’re breathlessly glad when Rafael presses a gentle kiss against their lips.

Their entire life is in his hands, but his hands seem strong and safe, and Vesper trusts him. It’s like a fairytale, so people say. Vesper must feel like the luckiest person on earth. And they do.

Within two months, Vesper moves in with him. Within six, they’re engaged. They feel perfectly safe and perfectly kept, neatly tidied away. They don’t have to worry about who they were, Rafael tells them, because they’re making him the happiest man in the world. So suddenly, all Vesper cares about is making him happy.

Rafael’s family is terrifying, and wedding planning is a blur. Vesper lets their soon-to-be mother in law do most of the planning. Lets her pick the flowers. Lets her pick the dress. Lets her tell Vesper how to act, what’s expected of Rafael’s wife. It’s almost nice to have the rules neatly laid out for them. They learn how to smile just right. They learn what to say and how exactly they’re supposed to look. Raf likes their hair blonde, so they keep it that way. Raf likes them soft around the edges. Raf likes them pretty. They could be different if they wanted, they can look however they dream, but they stay the way that Raf likes them –– at least while people are looking.

Sometimes they look like someone else. Sharper edges. Darker hair. Masculine, still pretty, they hope. Rafael doesn’t like that as much, so they save it for their private hours, hoard it carefully away. They stand and look in the mirror, at this familiar yet alien face, and feel an ache. They stand and try on the pretty dresses and pretty underwear, and wonder if they wouldn’t like to wear other things sometimes.

But what they want isn’t important, and they should be happy with what they get. That’s what Rafael snapped at them, the one time they had asked. They should be grateful for what he spent his money on, just for them, when he asked for so little in return.

(iii.) –– becoming.

It’s Julián –– brother in law, friend, something dear and unexpected –– that gives them the idea to become an Auror. While their past remained cloudy, their knowledge of magic came back like muscle memory. They were proficient, and they had skills, and they were bored out of their mind. Alone for hours in that big house, waiting for Rafael to come home. The quiet suffocates them, leaves them dazed and lonely and at odds with the world. It makes them feel like a ghost, and they wonder if that isn’t what they are. A lost thing. A shadow. A pretender.

They’re choking with a feeling of wrongness, the sensation of something being not quite right. Sometimes they look at Rafael and they feel scared, sometimes they wake up and feel like they’re trapped. They fill out the application for auror training in a fit of desperation, and then forget about it for three days. They do that, sometimes. Go to sleep and then forget, time slipping away from them, moments lost to whatever is wrong with their brain. Sometimes, they think they’re losing their mind. At their most paranoid, they think that someone is stealing it from them. Rafael tells the family that Vesper is delicate, something to be treated with kid gloves. Prone to forgetful episodes, prone to flights of fancy, prone to sullen moods and depressive periods. And people say how kind he is, to put up with them. People look at Vesper like they’re very lucky, like they’re a burden on a kind man, and they feel it cut down to the soul. They have a simple, pretty life, and they should be grateful.

They find the application tucked away in their drawer, and remember filling it out only when they’ve reread it, only when they’ve traced their signature with a fingertip. They submit it, and don’t tell Rafael until they’ve been accepted. It feels like a leap of faith, like they’re a fledgling bird jumping from the nest, unsure if their wings are strong enough to carry them.

They tell Julián, before they tell anyone else. Dearest brother in law, with the look in his eyes like he genuinely believes in them. It’s strange. They don’t think Julián looks at many other people in the family that way. But then again, Vesper is kinder to him than most people. They have a long history now of sharing smiles, snarky comments, finding each other at parties. He’s the one who see’s their other face, who lets them be that person for a few hours every now and then. Julián doesn’t prefer the pretty armor. They feel proud when they tell him they’ve been accepted, that they’re going to the Academy. Vesper needs him to tell them it’s a good idea again, that this is something they’re allowed to do, allowed to have.

Rafael is explosively angry, for a while. A feeling of betrayal, a feeling of anger, of being lied to. He’s always liked Vesper small, after all. Always liked them to be within arms reach, to be waiting when he came through the door. He liked it when they shaped themself for him, so they fit perfectly into his hands. Rafael expects Vesper to back out, they know. Expects them to turn down the Academy at his command. And he’s angry when they don’t. Explosively angry, violently angry, smashed glasses and harsh hands. They don’t know what strange bravery fosters itself in their heart, but they remember Julián’s supportive eyes and they don’t give it up. He comes around in the end, of course he does. He loves them, after all. And they still feel bad for hurting him. I just worry about you, he says, brushing their hair away from their face. What if you get hurt? And it’s an argument, it’s a fight, but they find their compromise and they make it work.

They wear a different face at the Academy, at work. Shift back and forth with so much frequency that it becomes second nature to them. Their perfect blonde persona didn’t feel like the truest self – or not the only true version of themselves. They cultivate dark hair and a sharp smile, clothes that will stand up to the ware and tear of training. They thrive at the academy, and they thrive after, in a certain sense.

Things get better outside the house, they aren’t as bored anymore, their confidence grows and their personality blooms. Things get worse at home, sometimes. Conflict comes and goes in waves. Raf is more critical than ever, and Vesper can never do anything right. There are stony silences and harsher moods, and he wraps rough hands around their wrists now, makes them feel smaller than they ever have before. He leaves bruises against their skin, and they feel frantic with it all –– because Rafael loving them is the most important thing, because they’re nothing without him, because he’s the center of the universe and he likes it that way. So they try harder, they fight more for the balance. They don’t talk about work and they make sure they’re good, when they’re home, exactly who he wants them to be.

They start at Pacific Squad early. A metamorphmagus with their innate and mindless skill is an asset. They’re good at magic and they can think quickly on their feet. People think they’ll go far. They hope so. As hard as it is to navigate around Rafael’s feelings, they feel for the first time like their life is their own, like they own some part of it. They get their own money, and buy clothes that he’d hate to see them in –– to be kept an open secret, changed out of before Rafael will talk to them for the evening, before he’ll really look at them.

They become a true shapeshifter, a double of themself. There’s Vesper Branwen, auror. And there’s Vesper Branwen, trophy wife.

(iv.) –– fractures.

Everything changes, and nothing does. Vesper goes to work and thrives. Rafael disapproves and Vesper makes up for it with demure, submissive looks, with oral sex and anything else that he wants. He hurts them in some small ways, every now and then, but that’s okay. It’s what they deserve. They still wake up sometimes, from nightmares that seem cyclical and scheduled. Their depressive and unhinged episodes bring nightmares, bring fear and paranoia and they wake up in cold sweats and feel so scared of Rafael that they can’t breathe.

And then things get foggy, for a day or two. Sometimes, they wake up and feel like they’ve forgotten everything they knew, everything they were supposed to do. Rafael brushes their hair and changes them, and sends them off to work. They forget a name here, have to re-read a file for the case they’ve been working on for weeks. It comes back, slowly but surely. People are used to Vesper being weak, being foggy and ditzy in the head every now and then. So their heart doesn’t flail in panic when they look at a dear friend and their brain halts, when they have to smile and say ‘hey, you’, until the name comes back to them hours later. They never forget anything that gets them in trouble, and so it doesn’t really matter.

They work and they climb ranks and they still feel like a ghost, sometimes. They’re notoriously reckless in the field, and it holds them back. Vesper will do anything to solve a case, anything to save a life, including die. It leads to frustration, in the squad. This startling concept that Vesper has some kind of death wish –– and maybe they do, for a minute there. Because what do they really have to live for? It all changes, anyway, they learn to live for something.

The pregnancy is unexpected. Vesper doesn’t remember if they were trying or not, doesn’t remember exactly when it happened. They aren’t sure if they wanted a baby, so it must have been an accident. A happy accident, they suppose. Rafael is pleased. Happy with them, for once. They’ve done something right. They’ll give him a baby and be a mother, raise a perfect child that will grow up to be just like him. Vesper doesn’t know if they’re happy about it, themself, but then that makes them feel sick with guilt.

They decide that they have to be happy, there isn’t any other choice. Rafael tells them to do less work in the field, when they find out. So they do paperwork at their desk, for the most part. And the squad gets used to Vesper with soft features and blonde hair, a younger face. Because it would feel wrong, somehow, to look like someone Rafael hated while they were pregnant. It feels wrong regardless, but that’s a sensation that they can try to cover up.

It’s a distressing pregnancy, near the end. They’re sentenced to bed rest at the hospital, high blood pressure and risks they don’t really understand. Rafael could stay the night with them sometimes, but he doesn’t. He goes home. The wrongness of their life seems heightened in those weeks, in that room. When the baby comes, it feels like Vesper is having some kind of mental breakdown. They want their mother, someone they don’t even remember. They feel wrong and out of place, and they tell Julián because strangely they trust him. They whisper that they’re not supposed to be here, that they’re scared. In some fit of delirium, they make him promise to look after the baby, when something bad happens to them.

They feel better in a day or two. After a long nights sleep, they wake and their head feels foggy again, a feeling that lingers for a day or two. But they aren’t upset anymore, and it doesn’t feel wrong. Their world is narrowed down to a pinpoint, to a baby that someone places in their arms. Pandora Branwen de la Cruz. She’s such a tiny baby, the smallest thing on earth. Vesper loves her dearly, feels a hook in their heart that they’ll never be able to pull out again.

Vesper wants so badly to be a good mother, but in reality it’s hard. They’ve always been a delicate soul, after all, as Rafael said. In need of gentle handling. Prone to sullen silences and depressive moods, forgetful spells. Their moments alone with Pandora are rare, and Rafael hires a nanny when they get home from the hospital with her. They spend a long maternity leave sharing space with a woman far too stern, in their mind, sharing the baby they want to hoard selfishly for themself. It’s just one of those things that they learn to accept, that they have to. They don’t have any other options, don’t have any other choices.

In a way, going back to work is a relief. A chance to step into skin they haven’t had the privilege of in months, a chance to spend real time with people who love them in different and interesting ways. They’re more careful now, than they were before, death wish faded away fast. Less reckless, still hoping to be good for something, still hoping to be a person in charge of their own existence, in some small way.

[cohentm]

✮     ∷     ╰  𝖚𝖕𝖉𝖆𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖗𝖔𝖉𝖚𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 .

             I FEEL LIKE i just ran away from home and then realized i’m five and, unfortunately, cannot survive without my parents. LMDFLKDFGM i missed u all and had to return… we hate to see it. anyway! whew. i figured i’d post a refreshed lil intro for cohen to make sure i hit on some key changes before i hop back into the game! the most important / group-related part is right at the top, so if u read nothing else, read that! ily all and i’m excited to jump back in like i never left. i���ll be sliding in dms and makin’ starters asap, so if u wanna make some connection changes my door’s always open! x

✮     ∷     ╰  𝖈𝖔𝖍𝖊𝖓 𝖘𝖊𝖌𝖚𝖗𝖆 : 𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬 .

cohen currently lives in a glorified, raggedy frat-esque house ( he is NOT a fratboy but he might as well be huh ) of his own right off campus, about a five minute drive / ten minute walk from the stadium ( it’s about four bedrooms large with three bathrooms, all on one floor. think david dobrik’s house–click here to see–except much uglier and CHEAP MVDFLG ). 

he’s fiscally very protective of his savings. he’s been working since he was 12 with his dad, and never ever spent his money, despite some repetitive near-misses where his parents tried ( and failed, bc cohen’s slick ) to steal money from him. basically he now pays for his share of the house using the money he saves/has always saved working for factories, farms, & fixing people’s junk cars. 

his only current roommate is foster, meaning he has two spare rooms he’s not really doing anything with. beer pong table’s outside, the kitchen is the alcohol hot spot, there’s a pool table instead of a dining room table, u know how it goes. 

regardless, he throws open invite house parties literally every weekend. they take place every friday night up until the sun rises on sunday morning–whether he’s around the house for all of five seconds or all night doesn’t matter, because they’re always a-go. 

you’re all 100% free to use his house entirely at your leisure for character fun / development / a place for ur thread to take place / etc! you don’t even need to get my okay beforehand! just do it! think of it as a known dillon fact that cohen’s having a house party every weekend NFKDFNDFKJG. 

no matter who you are, whether cohen likes you or not, he will not care if you show up with some randos or familiar faces and party it out. he’s socially bored 24/7 and full of apathy and alcohol at all times so mans probably will be plastered drunk out doing donuts in the parking lot and fighting someone he doesn’t have beef with anyway. ur muse probably won’t even see him there. LMKGDFLG if you’ve ever seen burlesque? literally him showing up to his OWN house for a visit / to get plastered and then wander off during the weekend party is…. real. so yeah! use his house like it’s ur own. just be out by sunday afternoon bc he likes to pretend none of it ever happened as soon as he wakes up and has to be sober for school. x KMVFBLFG love u all.

✮     ∷     ╰  𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐬  &  𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬 .

tw: eating disorder mentions ( food & lifestyle ), drug addiction / recovery, alcoholism, & mentions of past steroid use.

full name.    cohen anthony segura.

aka.    co, jet.

character inspiration.    adam parrish ( the raven cycle ), vince howard & tim riggins lovechild ( if y’all watched fnl…. let’s cry together ), a much more problematic  &  asshole-ish david dobrik ( the vlog squad ), nathan scott ( oth ), steven hyde ( that ‘70s show ), emily prentiss & aaron hotchner lovechild ( criminal minds ), & noel miller ( tmg ).

age & d.o.b.    twenty-two. birthdate tbd.

zodiac.    virgo sun, aries moon, & aquarius rising.

pronouns.    he / him.

orientation.    openly bisexual.

this has never presented as too large of an issue for cohen, despite living in dillon. he isn’t afraid of being talked about, and has a history of making sure people know he can hold his own if anyone has anything to say about his personal life.

university major.    architecture  &  architectural technology.

after living in a trailer for the duration of his life, the idea that he would be invested in architecture is astounding. however, here he is. his passion for home creation stemmed from growing up and envisioning a real home to live in. his parents are both into self-taught carpentry, and his dad was shoving tools and measuring tape into his hands from the time he was young in an effort to instill in him a firm “get it done yourself” mindset. he spends his time studying structure  &  building planning, and secretly has a journal full of dream house mark-ups.

occupation.    wide receiver for the dillon panthers, full time student, & prospective architect / carpenter post-college.

tattoos.    many riddled throughout his body. brandon arreaga’s tattoos are cohen’s.

face claim.    brandon arreaga.

alignment.    neutral evil.

hogwarts.    slytherin.

positive & negative traits.    ( if u’ve already read this do not read it again i promise u nothing here changed LSMFLD )

hardworking–he works himself to the bone and is entirely unapologetic about it. you’ll rarely catch him slipping, but if he does, he’s the first to get ear-splittingly angry with himself over it. he’s way too hard on himself & he knows it, but he’ll never admit it. 

he nitpicks at the flaws of others in an effort to feel superior, and always acts unaffected when he’s called out for bringing the team down when he’s not taking care of himself ( cue vince howard from fnl or nathan scott from oth scenes where they’re bragging about how good they are on the field even though he’s apt to get himself hurt because of how desperate he is for some kind of validation–cohen had a huge issue with restricting and abusing stimulants / testing steroids throughout high school and college in an attempt to boost his football persona. he was always incredibly fast and beat literal ODDS to maintain his wide receiver position, but especially thanks to his small build he’s used to being underestimated / downplayed, which puts a really heavy weight on his shoulders. today, he’s eating healthily, he’s off drugs, and he’s taking care of himself better than he ever has before, but it’s still incredibly hard and he still reaches out for ways to overcompensate, which is where alcohol usually comes into play ). 

transparent–sure, he can turn into a stressed out & irritable jerk within a fraction of a second, but at least he’s upfront about when he switches lanes. LDFGLMKFG

he’s incredibly focused, which means he’s never going to linger in uncertainty for too long before he admits that he’s just not down to be around you / to be there / to talk / etc. he’s no bullshitter by any means. he’d rather hurt your feelings and keep his environment stable and tactile than stick around and put his easily shaken emotions at risk just to make you comfy. 

he’s also accountable. he knows when he’s causing shit to fuck up & hit the fan, and he’s always quick to right wrongs when things are on him. ofc he’s bred from a family full of blame-givers, so he unhealthily picked up a bad habit of being really good at sounding like he’s apologizing sincerely when he’s really just trying to end a fight because he’s annoyed. LDCLDKMFDFG. 

he’s blunt, temperamental, & incredibly selfish when it comes to his own lifelines / vices, but wholeheartedly selfless when it comes to doing anything to protect or lift up the people he loves.

mental diagnoses.    anorexia nervosa ( in recovery ), alcoholism ( ongoing ), an addiction to various stimulants ( in recovery ), & frequent past attempts at steroid use.

physical diagnoses.    n / a.

phobias.    has an irrational fear of accidentally burning down his house. will get immensely stressed–to the point where he’s absolutely annoying and intolerable to put up with / be around–if someone’s cooking or baking “irresponsibly.” will probably yell at you and hover-cook until you let him take over so he can make sure nothing goes wrong. LMSDFKLFG

scars.   an appendix scar on his lower left side.

drug use.    frequently.

alcohol use.    frequently.

diet.    very decently rounded. he loves to cook, despite being self-taught. growing up the way he did, he settles for making simple dishes very well. he’s not the type to go all out for dinner. he meal preps like it’s his job. he usually just settles with some kind of pan-friend chicken and pasta dish at home.

birth place.    dillon, texas.

parents.    "jude" judith & anthony segura. 

two lower class parents with deep-rooted anger issues. they currently live in the same trailer park together, in separate trailers, and fight with each other constantly. they claim they’re divorced, and are seeing other people, but they’ve never actually filed for anything, since anthony segura thinks it’s just a ploy for judith to take “half [his] shit.” cohen visits them often, and acts as a middle ground child who hates but loves both of them equally. his dad enjoys / tolerates his son’s presence more than his mother does, but only marginally. his mother’s much less concerned with the fact that she has children, since, in her mind, her relationship issues are the most important things in her life. cohen spent many nights as a kid with his drugged up mom in his lap while she cried about not being loved by anyone. his dad, even though he’s rough with cohen, at least spends time with him every now and again. as a kid, his dad was handing him beers to drink and tools to learn to use to prove he was a man ( despite being a ten y/o child bfkjgk oh well! ). regardless, today cohen lives on his own but is still the financial backbone for his parents–since his mom is unemployed and his dad is a seasonal construction worker–and has been since he was fifteen. they ask him for money every chance they get, and cohen never says no.

siblings.    a younger sister ( by two years ). loves her to death. would protect her with his life.

pets.    he’s notorious for letting a certain set of strays run amuck in his house. he feeds the neighborhood cat, is a-okay with people bringing their animals to his parties, etc. but he’s too scared of permanence and obsessed with independence to ever follow through with getting his own animal.

education.    current senior at dillon university. 

he has always been a decent student. he got into architectural honors college his sophomore year of college. however, he’s still not by any means incredibly intelligent. he’s decent grade-wise, but only because he tries really hard and puts in the effort it takes to keep up in a field like architecture. he’s also a chronic cheater, but c’est la vie! lmfgdflkg he spends the vast majority of his time either studying or practicing, and gets very irritable very quick doing either activity because he doesn’t know how to manage stress, so he drinks in the evenings in an attempt to make up for his tense demeanor, but he’s an angry drunk so… whomst are we really kidding here. LMDFKLG

languages.    english & american sign language.

[claiirvoyants]

𝒕𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒘𝒏𝒆𝒚, 𝐒𝐘𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐋.

        ❝   yesterday,   you   were   an   OLD   MAN   spitting   cherry   pits   into   the   weeds.   today   you   are   a   fisherman’s   daughter,   dragging   small   minnow-nets   through   the   𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒅𝒐𝒘𝒔.   tomorrow   you   could   be   a   DOE-EYED   dancer,   an   ash-stained   chimney   sweep,   a   beggar   singing   psalms,   anyone.   when   you   lean   over   the   side   of   the   lake,   the    𝐫𝐞𝐝   𝐥𝐢𝐥𝐲   𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐬   whisper,   be   free.   taste   the   air.   do   you   feel   the   echoes   of   ancient   energies   moving   into   new   bodies?   they   learn   of   suffering   and   beauty,   again,   again.   𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑   𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒   𝐀𝐑𝐄   𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐘   𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐋𝐒.   ❞ 

         hey,   isn’t   that   SYBILL   PATRICIA   TRELAWNEY?   i   read   a   daily   prophet   article   on   them,   once   ;   the   forty   eight   year   old   halfblood   WITCH   is   a   ravenclaw   alumnus   who   has   gone   on   to   be   the   professor   of   divination   at   hogwarts   school.   i’ve   heard   they   can   be   quite   ECCENTRIC   &   VIVACIOUS,   but   i   don’t   know...   they   came   off   very   RUMINATIVE   &   HAUGHTY   in   that   interview.   it   really   is   hard   to   know   what   to   believe   these   days   though,   isn’t   it?   click   𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄   for   statistics   and    𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄   for   her   pinterest.

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘.

buckle up ! i’m abt to show u guys i can write a short or at least SNAPPY intro.

sybill was born in the seaside town of port isaac in 1972, the product of an affair between her pure blood mommy ( cressida trelawney ) and a muggle daddy ( edwin teague ). 

cressida knew abt edwin’s muggle wife. edwin’s muggle wife ( and his daughter eugenia, sybill’s half sibling ) did NOT know about his witchy gf. what happens in btwn the lines of the wizarding world stays within the lines of the wizarding world, ig.

sybill’s dad died p suddenly when she was six, and he didn’t leave anything to either her or her mum, cause... men ain’t shit ! learn it. anyway, sybill’s mum begged her slightly estranged family for like, something, and prob would have got NOTHING if she hadn’t said ‘hey, my daughter is totally the next cassandra ( and also DEFINITELY a pureblood )-’

this changed things a bit, even tho at the time... sybill had not shown any actual prophetic talent, lmao. she was a six yr old playing like, dolls, and trying to bring fishies home from the seashore in glass bottles, u know? 

the fam took them back under their wings, and sybill was told to keep her little mouth shut ( in like, a kind of nice way ) about both the fact she was a halfblood ( she prob didn’t conceptualize this one very well at six ) and the fact she was not a seer. she also prob didn’t conceptualize this very well. but playing pretend is something kids LIKE to do, so when cressida told sybill to say some mysterious things and play this role, she took to it immediately ! it was fun ! 

it stopped being fun PRETTY quickly, but as sybill got older and understood things a bit more, she clued in to the fact that her grandparents and extended trelawney family were quite... uh, to put it mildly, strict. her mum had gone out into the world on her own because she didn’t fit in the box that the trelawney’s had expected her to ( like a lot of pureblood fams ), and sybill was a lot more like cressida than she was the rest of her fam, and she was also, like. way more attached to her than she was them, so while it stopped being a fun game, she still kept to it for her mummy.

got her hogwarts letter. headed off. breathed an actual sigh of RELIEF when she was on the train, cause... she didn’t have to pretend to be something she was pretty sure she wasn’t anymore, and at hogwarts, she wouldn’t have to go through the ‘training’ and ‘lessons’ for her future as a famed seer that her fam were prepping her for. she got sorted into ravenclaw, which tracked ( most of the fam were ), and she just... went abt her life.

i know this is gonna sound wild. but at hogwarts, sybill was... exceedingly ordinary. she was a well behaved young lady who was assumed to be of quality breeding, and though her grandparents spoke highly of their little seer granddaughter to their friends, the kids and grandkids of those people didn’t really ... know much about this. sybill flew pretty far under the radar, and that was how she liked it. she graduated with top marks, turned of age, and started working for her grandparents on a full time basis in the little fortune teller shop they had at this point in time at the divide between knockturn alley and diagon alley - she’d already spent summers with them, so it was just one more step. still, no discernible seer talent.

very appropriately, it all started with death omens. sybill had always faked what she was seeing cause she sort of had to, so she’d always made the future sound pretty bleak - but there’s bleak and then there’s seeing grims wherever she went. a month later, her grandmother ( a woman who sybill could never decide was either a talented seer in her own right or a talented liar also ) was dead. it was sudden, and things seemed to escalate exponentially from here. within a year, her grandfather, an aunt and her own mother had passed on ; and sybill had started to notice. changes.

kinda hard not to notice the fact she was beginning to go to sleep in a very warm and cosy bed and wake up barefoot and naked in the middle of the creek at the bottom of the garden, arms raised to the sky, images seered to the back of her eyelids. sybill consulted dozens of healers. she was given dozens of different potions to aid her sleeping, she was told that she had been through a lot of loss in a short amount of time, it was natural to begin having sleeping issues and the images she saw were only NIGHTMARES, or dreams, or the echo of something normal from her subconscious. the potions didn’t work tho ! the spells, the advice, the grief counselling they sent her to... over the next while, sybill’s life really began to unravel, and she couldn’t understand it, so she definitely couldn’t explain it. 

throw everything together and mix some severe money issues in as sybill was never very good at actually running the store and was now dealing with a whole lot of confusing shit - she loses the shop, then the house, and this is what eventually brought her to albus dumbledore, where - haha ! - she made her first ever actual prophecy. fun ! sucks she doesn’t rmbr it <3 

sybill got the job based on that, but figured it was cause he liked her a lot ( he didn’t ). life straightens out somewhat, she moves into hogwarts ( did eventually buy a cottage in hogsmeade since she got married and w/e, but is back living in hogwarts now they’re divorced ), she terrifies students for many years over, blah blah blah. makes a second prophecy to harry potter ( doesn’t rmbr that one either ), fights in the battle of the astronomy tower, fights in the battle of hogwarts, yada yada yada.

i won’t say whether she ever thought herself a legitimate seer, or ever learned to think of herself as one, or ever figured that was maybe what her ( still persistent ) sleep walking was. got my thoughts ! think its fun to just leave it at : maybe ! maybe she’s a seer, maybe she’s half of one, maybe she’s a real good liar. she had plenty of practice ! either way, she really embraced her weirdness ( shoutout to mama cressida for teaching her to b weird and love every second of it ) and has spent the past couple decades just straight vibing. 

can’t think of anything else to add. come to syb if u want some wizard pot ?

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒.

SYBILL TRELAWNEY ( sandra oh ) is looking for their EX WIFE / PARTNER who resembles SARAH SHAHI, RENEE ELISE GOLDSBERRY, CARLA GUGINO, SARAH RAFFERTY / ANY FC and should be 45+. applicants do have to contact RACHEL / PETRIICHVRS or DISCORD to talk over the details before applying.   (   i’m really open ! mostly because i'm entirely erasing the mr higglebottom thing, so we have so much freedom here in terms of… how they met, when they fell in love, how long they were married, how they’re dealing with the co-parenting thing, etc. sybill really did love them, that much i do know - but the marriage fell apart in my mind, sometime before the battle of hogwarts. maybe during her disastrous fifth year, when professor umbridge was, you know, attempting to ruin her life. i imagine they were a bit more maternal than sybill, and probably entertained / were even quite fond of how eccentric she was for years, but just eventually… got tired of it, or of how she wasn’t really putting their homelife above hogwarts, etc, and love just… was not enough to save ‘em. i think it’d be neat if they were a professor at hogwarts, too - maybe even a canonical one, like aurora sinistra ! - and their cute little staff room moments turned into total awkwardness for everyone else at the school < / 3   )

SYBILL TRELAWNEY ( sandra oh ) is looking for their ADOPTIVE CHILD who resembles TATI GABRIELLE, ASA BUTTERFIELD, KAYLEE BRYANT, VERNON CHWE / ANY FC and should be 18 - 22. applicants do have to contact RACHEL / PETRIICHVRS or DISCORD to talk over the details before applying.   (   you have some choices ! i don’t mind whether they’re biologically her ex wifes, for example, or whether they were adopted, and if so, they absolutely could have been adopted at a later age - in fact, i think it’d be really interesting if they were. they were raised by sybill and her now ex wife, anyway, and would have attended hogwarts - unless… honestly, if u wanted to go a route of them being a squib or something i would be HERE for it - but, really, i don’t think that sybill has been the best of mothers, especially since she’s always been the sort of woman to put her ‘career’ [ which in her case is just, her being a seer ] above all else. she never would have intended to be the absent parent, and i guarantee she’s tried to be the ‘fun one’ moreso than that, but i gotta say. huge believer in acknowledging the faults of my chars. honestly, i feel like kids just aren’t her thing, and the likelihood is she decided to make them her thing for her ex wife - but she relates better to like, fully formed people, and only in more recent years has probably started to try be more of the sort of person they need. whether they’re here for that or no is absolutely up to you !   )

[bcketts]

INTRODUCING...ALLIE BECKETT. ( @gallagherintro​ )

OK, I’M VERY EXCITED AND NERVOUS BC...what a weird time to bring in a new character ! i hope it works out, who knows ??? i guess i’ll be plotting with you all for a bit while allie is confined to the 5th floor with no phone lmao, but i have lots of plot ideas and muse so i can talk your ear off forever. so at least there’s that. 

if you’d like to plot on tumblr LIKE THIS POST and if u want to plot on discord, hmu at #kati7600 for a good time ( or just comment or something and i’ll hit u up )

click here for her stats page & here for her pinterest ! 

⌠ VIRGINIA GARDNER, 21, CISFEMALE, SHE+HER ⌡ welcome to gallagher academy, ALLISON “ALLIE” BECKETT! originally hailing from POINTSETT, ARKANSAS they were exposed to too much during the protest, and the academy is now in charge of their safe care. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of ( warm chamomile tea on a winter morning, a collection of polaroids stacked in shoeboxes under your bed, bare feet running through an open field, laughter until your sides hurt. ) when it’s the ( virgo ) ’s birthday on 8/28/98, on the bad nights they request their HAWAIIAN PIZZA from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re safe in witness protection. ⌿ kati, 23, est, she/her ⍀

hi i’m sorry her bio is long and in 2nd person but at least u have lots of time to read it while she’s on lockdown ??

you come into this world silent. from the moment you are born, jeremy, your twin brother, does all the screaming for you. both blonde-haired with blue eyes, things will come easy to you – but even easier for him, because red-faced and screaming, he knows how to make his mark. katherine and richard beckett are thrilled to welcome two perfectly happy and healthy babies. and as your brother screams beside you, develops colic and obstinance, you are deemed the favorite – he is deemed the problem. people underestimate how important those early years are.

it’s your first day of kindergarten and you bury yourself in your mother’s skirt, scared. jeremy runs in the room with confidence, introducing himself to the other kids and settling in the corner near the firetrucks. but you cry so much that your mother takes you home and when you finally come back a week later, all the children stare at you, like you’re going to explode at any moment. but children are resilient and within time, you make friends and you excitedly tell your mother about each new day in the car.

you go to church with your family on sunday mornings and your parents dress you up like a doll. you love the pink ribbons though, the way your parents dress you up and introduce them to all your friends. your brother is a lost cause and gets to play his gameboy on the pews but you are your parents pride and joy and you are paraded around – people love a little blonde girl and you smile widely at everyone you meet. it’s all a show though, you know that as you listen to your parents from the top of the stairs at night, yelling. they’re not happy. you clutch the railing, listening in, and you fight back the tears that threaten to stream down your face.

on your tenth birthday, your parents throw the two of you an elaborate party and you have a bouncy castle and everyone brings swimsuits for the pool. your parents can’t stop smiling. it isn’t until late that night after all the streamers have been taken out with the trash that you hear them yelling again. you listen in from the corner of the kitchen. you hear a glass shatter and you race upstairs to your brother. “i think they’re going to divorce,” you tell him. he laughs. “they’ll never do that, no matter what. we’re catholic, allie.” he flashes you a wry smile and you find yourself wondering what to believe.

your best days are spent at pointsett park. your parents often take you there after church, on sundays, and you and jeremy run around through the forests pretending to be wood nymphs with sticks in your hair. as you get older, the magic starts to fade and you feel less like a fairy princess and more like a moody teenager, but you and jeremy fill a shoebox full of things from your childhood and bury it, deep in the park, by the ugly tree. “if i were a tree, i’d be this one,” he jokes, as if all the girls at pointsett middle haven’t just sent him candy grams. “shut up,” you say, shoving him, “or put you in the ground instead of this shoebox.” he grins wryly at that. “clever.” you always were the clever one.

it’s the first day of high school and you feel like an outsider, everyone’s getting their first kisses and jumping in cars and you have to be home in time for curfew. you have friends from church, but with every glass your mother breaks, you wonder how much you really fit in with them at all. in an attempt to try something new, you go to cheerleading tryouts, but of course, you don’t make the team. at least you won’t have to beg your dad to let you wear the uniform. you trudge home and expect to be greeted by yells - you’ve come home late - but your parents are in the kitchen, berating your brother. he smells like marijuana. he gives you a lazy wink from the kitchen as you sneak upstairs.

a boy asks you on a date, a real one, your first real date ! you’re only a sophomore and wade matthews is a senior and you’re really nervous when he picks you up in his car. he tries to kiss you throughout the whole movie but you’re nervous and really, you want to watch the movie. when he pulls the car in an overhang near the mountains and kisses you, it’s rough and unwanted and he goes in with tongue. it’s hardly the enchanting first kiss you imagined and you pull back. is that what kissing’s like? really? he goes in again, saying he’s really turned on, asking if you want to have sex. you say no, but he tries to kiss you again. you push him back so hard his head hits the dashboard. “take me home,” you say. and he does. he obviously doesn’t call.

you have a few girls over for a sleepover and you’re sitting around in your pjs watching grease and passing around thermoses filled with rosé. you pass it on to the girl beside you without taking a sip. you start to raise the volume on the tv as you hear your parents fighting downstairs ( you think your mom might be sleeping with her doctor, which is all kinds of weird. )  when the thermos comes back to you, you take a swig.

you’re sitting in the basement with jeremy, head in your hands. “that’s it, i’m never drinking again.” he laughs. “allie, it’s your first hangover. you’re gonna be okay. and you’re probably going to drink again. it’s okay.” you shake your head, “this is exactly why it’s wrong, i’m so stupid.” your brother sits on the bed beside you, wraps his arm around you. “you’re allowed to be a stupid teenager, you know? fuck up a bit? mom and dad are…they’re crazy. i love ‘em, but they’re so obsessed with consequences, with image. if you don’t quit overthinking shit, you’re gonna wind up just like them.”

“COMING SOON: POINTSETT MALL” the poster is covered in icons, like a dunkin’ donuts and a macy’s. lots of people in the town talk about how excited they are, but they don’t talk about the fact that they’re tearing up pointsett park to build it, the park that holds all your best memories, all the ways you and jeremy would disappear into the woods growing up, skipping rocks in the pond and catching glimpses of magic creatures in the trees ( creatures that mostly turned out to be squirrels, ) where you buried your time capsule. you and jeremy sneak into the park late at night to dig it up, ducking under the caution tape. while you stand there digging, you get the idea: “we have to save the park!” you say, and it starts out as bake sales, town meetings, the twins who think they’re going to save a couple trees from corporate capitalism. but you make a video of the two of you, the history of playing in the park, and you talk about your dreams and memories. that’s what goes viral, and that’s what garners attention. suddenly, hundreds of people are showing up at your town hall – not because they love the park, but because they used to love their own special place, the one that’s now a walmart, a target, a gas station.

they build the strip mall. of course they do, because in the end it comes down to money. but the social media campaign that spirals, everyone sharing their own special places and what became of them, has made an impact. your project – Save Pointsett Park – is enough to get both you and your brother the interest of several prestigious schools. you have nearly the same SAT scores, even though you took two prep classes and studied for weeks and he nearly forgot about the test entirely, walked in with his shoes untied and a blunt in his shirtpocket. in the end, you both choose georgetown together, because despite your differences, you always do everything together.

you opt for a degree in global health because it combines your interests – biology and helping people, and you have dreams of working in healthcare and bringing it to parts of the world that don’t have it. you might have something of a complex, maybe something to prove. you’ve always had a diminished interest in boys, opting to put your studies first, until you meet him – richard hudson, the sort of boy you daydream about even though you stopped believing in fairy tales a long time ago. he’s the second boy to kiss you and it feels so much different than wade matthew’s sweaty car at the drive in. he’s gentle and sweet, and he makes you feel uncharacteristically special – you wish you’d had the patience to wait for a first kiss like that. jeremy only teases you a little bit when you toss your purity ring – and he never even owned one.

you’re comfortable with him in a way you’ve never been with anyone else, and his attention has you falling hard and fast. you’re obnoxiously perfect at times, all over each other and always laughing, but like most fairy tales, things end. you notice the way he looks at her, the way he talks about her, and the way his eyes linger. you’re reminded of your parents, stuck in some unhappy farce when they’d really rather be anywhere else, with anyone else. you don’t want to be like them – you don’t want to trap him like that. so, you step back where you’re supposed to, even though it hurts, and your saving grace is jeremy, who holds you through the night through your first heartbreak. you experience all your sadness together.

until you don’t. here is the first sadness you’ve ever had to process without jeremy by your side, and it happens so fast. one second, he’s alive, and the next he’s blown into nonexistence, leaving a gaping ache in your chest that doesn’t seem to sooth itself. until now, your life has always been cushy, perfect, and smooth sailing. now, you toss and turn with nightmares, a ghost of yourself, trying to understand why you’re the one who gets to survive and why you matter at all. you’ve never existed in this world without him, and you thought you’d never have to.

you don’t sleep well now. you wander the halls at night, you act a little more recklessly. after all, jeremy broke rules all the time. maybe it’s your turn. 

HEADCANONS.

sweet and pampered, maybe, but she’s still from arkansas. allie is extremely capable with a firearm and has pretty keen survival skills. she’s never actually shot anything, but she’s gone to the shooting range with her dad enough times, and she has been on frequent fishing trips. her family used to go camping quite a bit.

really a terrible driver. she’s really easily distracted and cannot focus, she’s a bit of a disaster behind the wheel, but it’s almost comical – as long as you’re not in the passenger seat.

is bisexual, although she’s never had the chance to explore that. growing up in a strictly catholic household and then spending most of her college years dating a boy, she’s never really thought about. finding girls pretty and thinking about them like that is what everyone does, right?

bakes when she’s stressed or upset. she’s got treats for everyone right now.

currently plagued by night terrors and is having a lot of trouble sleeping, so find her staying up until all hours or wandering campus with some dark circles under her eyes. she’s trying to cope, but it isn’t coming easily right now. it’s pretty disorienting, and anyone who knows her will notice the difference in disposition.

has traveled a lot for mission and/or service trips. uganda is where she usually goes, she’s been spending summers volunteering at the same women’s clinic for the past three years.

pineapple pizza advocate and WILL fight you on that 

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

someone at gallagher she has a crush on. Basically, someone at gallagher who has really caught her eye and she’s stuck daydreaming about. The purpose of this is because she’ll be super nosy about them, trying to learn more about them, and that’s probably going to make this character nervous.

a dare/challenge??? This is so cheesy of me, but I’d love a plot where a Gallagher student has a dare or something to hook up with one of the WP kids and they make Allie into their sort of conquest. Things probably won’t go as planned for them.

brother’s ex/best friend. I might submit this to the main, but I’d love a WP character who was allie’s best friend & was dating her brother. All this grief and sadness and not knowing who to comfort who, but also getting over the loss together.

crushing??? I feel like all the WP kids are pretty paired off, but...it might be fun to have a WP character that’s had a crush on Allie all those years she’s been obsessing over her ex...you know, for pining & angst

any brother connections?? Idk, I’d love WP kids to also be connected to her brother, who was also in the club, so we can probably stem something spicy off of that too. Maybe they were his best friend, or more interestingly, maybe they fucking hated him.

someone from the past. someone at gallagher who knows her prior whether from school, volunteering, etc.she travels a lot and her parents have too, so there’s some flexibility, but maybe someone she knows or used to be close to and they grew apart, but they have the chance to rekindle things now. she probably really wants to.

a close friend. they have been at gallagher for a hot minute now, and I’d love for her to have bonded with a few of the people there. from my understanding, shit’s going to hit the fan, so a few close relationships would be spicy. people at gallagher who were actually really there for her about her brother, probably could relate to losing a loved one, and probably opened up to her. people at gallagher to worry about her safety now. 

hook up? she’s really going through it, and although hookups aren’t typical, ithink it wouldn’t be weird for her to look for a warm body or seek comfort in the first person to smile at her at gallagher...not to mention she’s rooming with her ex and his crush, so a distraction is super welcome. i would also imagine that it’s against the rules for a gallagher student to hook up with a WP kid, so. the drama !

^ on that same vein, maybe a repeated hookup.

a girl to help her realize her sexuality.

someone totally lying to her. a gallagher student practicing their skills and getting to know allie using a totally fake backstory and identity, blatantly lying to her about things. and she’s naively playing into it? and maybe your character is realizing they’re actually fond of her and like hanging out with her, but they’ve lied about legit everything lol.

someone she’s suspicious of. there’s something off about this person, and allie is determined to find out what it is about them that just doesn’t fit.

someone to help her solve her problems by denial. someone who wants to break allie out of her shell and believes that the best way to get over it is to have a good time ! someone to be a bit of a bad influence on her, basically, get her partying, introduce her to some unhealthy coping mechanisms.

someone who recognizes how sad she is? aka someone who’s been in that same position and can really tell she’s faking it every time she says she’s “fine.” this person probably has a sort of fondness for her and keeps reaching out when she pushes away because they know what it’s like. 

[gerudospiriit]

S/O Questionnaire #2

@royallunatiic​

What is their mother’s maiden name?

“ Hm...Now that you mention it, I’m not sure Saiyans have last names. I know her first name is Oouna and she was the fiercest general in the Saiyan army. ”

What color are their eyes?

“ Black. They have a hm...mysterious quality to them. So much depth. ”

What is one place they desperately want to travel to?

“ Anywhere away from Earth, I imagine. But I’m not sure that desire is all that desperate for him any more. ”

What do they regret about their family life?

“ Heh...That’s a long list. He would say everything when it comes to the family he made on Earth but...I think what he won’t say is that he regrets his complacency with a life he did not care to lead. ”

What foods can they absolutely not stand?

“ Sweets. Otherwise, I think he’ll eat just about anything. ”

Do they shower in the morning or at night?

“ It depends. We train throughout the day so it’s more when he feels like it. ”

Have they ever voted?

“ What for? ”

What type of chocolate do they prefer?

“ None. Perhaps dark, bitter chocolate in small doses, but I doubt he would even stomach that. ”

Is there a certain nickname they absolutely hate to be called?

“ Heh, he’s not really partial to any nicknames, but I think things like sweetie and baby irritate him most. ”

Where is their family from?

“ Planet Vegeta. ”

Is their family religious?

“ Mmm...Not to my knowledge. He has mentioned the Saiyan gods in passing, but never an overall devotion to them. ”

Do they want a cat or a dog?

“ Neither. Though he seems like more of a cat person. ”

Which friend have they known the longest?

“ Friend? He doesn’t consider any of the Earthling’s his friends. ”

What childhood memory do they always bring up?

“ He talks a lot about his days spent with Nappa and Raditz, even though he claims to despise them. ”

Do they think of themselves as extroverted or introverted?

“ Definitely introverted, but I don’t think he cares either way. ”

Do other people think of them as extroverted or introverted?

“ Introverted. ”

Do they want children?

“ I’m going to guess he doesn’t want any more, but it’s not something we discuss. ”

What do they think of long term commitments, marriage, etc.?

“ He’s not a fan of them. Not in traditional ideas Earthlings have of it. ”

Do they like foreplay?

“ Hehe...he does. Even if he can get a little impatient with it~ ”

Are they a light sleeper?

“ Yes. ”

Do they like to cuddle while they sleep?

“ He would never admit to it, but he does. ”

Which celebrity do they find most attractive?

“ Huh? ”

How do they wind down at the end of a long day?

“ Massages, showers, sex, an occasional drink, wrestling, relaxing on the couch. Stuff like that, I suppose. ”

Do they drink every day?

“ No. ”

Would they ever want to live abroad?

“ Again, probably. But I doubt he has the patience for the hassle of picking up and moving to another planet... ”

Do they still have their wisdom teeth?

“ ....What are those? His canines are sharper than normal... ”

What do they like on pizza?

“ Meat. All the meat. ”

Do they have severe allergies and what are they?

“ No. ”

If they went to college, what did they study?

“ He didn’t go to college. ”

Do they believe in God?

“ Unnn...sort of? He knows the legends of his Saiyan gods but...I’m not sure he believes exactly... ”

What’s their favorite sex position?

“ What isn’t his favorite position? I suppose he seems to like it a tad more when he pins me down to something...the bed, the wall, the couch, the floor... ”

In an ideal world, how many times a week would they want to have sex?

“ We have sex usually several times a day already, and he’s never suggested he wanted more... ”

What’s their least favorite part of their current job?

“ His job is to train me, and I suppose his least favorite part is my wardrobe. But in reality he likes it, he just doesn’t like how distracted he gets. ”

What are they currently reading?

“ Nothing? ”

Are they conscious about saving money?

“ I guess not. ”

What is their ideal date night?

“ Sparring and sex. Likely just staying home. ”

Where were they born?

“ Planet Vegeta. ”

How do they take their coffee?

“ I’ve never seen him drink coffee, but I would guess he would take it black. ”

What is the one thing you could say to make them start arguing with you?

“ Anything about my clothes. ”

What is their astrological sign?

“ His what? ”

What is their favorite season?

“ Hm...that’s never come up? Even where I live here on Earth there aren’t distinct seasons... ”

What amount of PDA are they comfortable with?

“ Not much. He gets all huffy and blushy if I so much as hold his hand in public. But he’ll usually stomach at most short kisses. ”

What is their go-to drink order?

“ Triple whiskey, neat. ”

How old were they when they lost their virginity?

“ I actually haven’t asked... ”

What are their porn preferences?

“ Big boobs. ”

Are they confrontational?

“ Oh, very. ”

How often do they use social media?

“ Never. ”

Do they have condiment/hot sauce preferences?

“ Not really. I think he does like a little kick in his food occasionally, though... ”

What makes them insanely impatient?

“ Practically everything. ”

What is their go-to form of exercise?

“ Sparring. ”

What is their dream job?

“ A warrior. Perhaps, if things went his way, ruling over his people. ”

What is their favorite meal?

“ Meat. Especially when we hunt it. ”

Who is their closest friend currently?

“ Me I suppose. ”

What is the one thing that gets them off every time?

“ Blowjobs. Playing with my breasts. Anything with me, really~. ”

Do they like celebrating their birthday?

“ No. He won’t even tell me when it is. ”

tagged by: no one! i made another one :’3 tagging: @royallunatiic​ @accelerator-cockroach​ and anyone else! ALL OF U

[prorevenge]

Lawyer thinks he's untouchable. Ordered to pay $310,000 for wasting everyone's time.

Strap in - this has been a labour of revenge for me and for a number of people affected by a monster for more than 3 years. Throwaway as some redditor lawyers could work out who I am - and might still anyway.

It needs a fair bit of context/background (TL,DR at the bottom):

I'm a lawyer - and I specialise in litigation - basically fighting commercial/civil cases. It's a B-R-U-T-A-L industry. We fight each other tooth and nail. For example, if the lawyer on the other side makes a mistake (particularly an ethical one - which can be easier than you'd think) we, (well, a lot of us) do things like holding onto such a complaint so we can time it to arrive when it would be really inconvenient, say a week or two before trial. Then we lodge a complaint, to gain an advantage in the case - even if it ends the other lawyer's career.

Anyway, about 4 years ago I started a new job that was close to where I'd lived. I hadn't heard of the firm, but was ready for a change and they did a fair bit of litigation, which suited me.

I quickly worked out that the manager of the firm was next level sociopath/narcissist. This is an industry ruled by sociopaths, I've worked with them before - but this guy was insane. We'll call him Shithead or SH. The guy has a facebook page of ex-employees dedicated to hating him.

So in the short amount of time I worked there I worked this out pretty quickly. Some of the weird/shitty things he did:

His longest and most loyal staff he made pay EXTRA for any legal work, because it was "worth it" as HE looked over the file (although he never made any changes/did anything).

He used to joke with staff about padding out files and working out ways to charge clients extra (update letters/emails once or twice a WEEK) - he even accused me of cheating him by doing an appeal too cheap - it was $75k.

There was no sugar allowed in anyone's coffee/tea - as it might make you hyperactive...

He caused one of our staff to have a mental breakdown by abusing him (not yelling, but verbally breaking down such as "hmmm. I think you might be a bit stupid")

The firm went through more than 100 staff in 2 years.

He's sued his clients repeatedly for his inflated fees. He of course also sues you for his inflated costs of recovering the inflated fees, if you don't pay. And if he loses, he just appeals until you either go broke or give in because you've got what we call "litigation fatigue".

SH had one client, an old man, who died. The estate was administered, and there was a claim over the proceeds from a son who wasn't in the will. So $600k was placed into SH's trust account where he conducted the litigation. It took 4 years and cost $300k (should have been about $20k) - but the only person who could say no was the wife of the deceased, who was extremely elderly and sick. So after overcharging by about $280k, SH gets a call from the wife who says she's extremely sick and has to catch the bus to go to her doctor's appointments and she doesn't know how much time she has left. So what does SH do? Despite repeated requests, tells her he'll get around to it, never does, and keeps sending her bills for the requests to take the money out, and pays them from the remaining $300k. Slowly chipping away at it. Eventually, one of the staff took action and got her the $250k that was remaining from the $600k estate back - and SH was NOT happy. This was actually the staff member who later had a breakdown (didn't leave his house for 6 months) - and when I saw him after was clearly still unwell.

So by now you know we're dealing with a very intelligent, scary psychopath with the resources of a law firm at his fingertips. I quit pretty quickly - and we had a pretty fierce argument, but that's a story for another time.

It was personally terrifying. I now had no job, a massive mortgage on my new home and a newly pregnant wife. And only 1 month's worth of savings if I saved every dollar (not regular expenses). But even with all that I couldn't work for SH. He was just too much of a..... Shithead.

So I started my own law firm I had most of what I needed. Basically working out of my spare bedroom in my dressing gown. I figured if I could keep costs down and work hard on finding work I might be able to scrape by until I was either making OK money, or I could find another job.

Things worked out OK, I was getting by, doing a few small cases, I paid my bills and had some spare time.

So this is where it gets interesting.

A friend of mine (we met after I quit) who had also worked with/hated SH asked if I was interested in a case where SH was suing his ex-business partner. These proceedings weren't personal, not getting too complex, they were proceedings brought by companies. SH's company was a company of straw, it owned nothing. The ex-business partner's company held some assets.

Put simply, the details of the case were that SH was insisting that the ex-partner agreed to something that he clearly didn't agree to. I took the case. It's important to remember that SH's go to position, is he's smarter and richer than everyone else, owns a litigation law firm, and either crushes people with brains, money, or gives them litigation fatigue.

I spent a bit of time arguing with SH (by correspondence) that he was wrong, and there was clearly no agreement. SH then files Court docs that basically ask the Court to force us to recognise that there was a formed agreement.

The Court case took about 15 months, we won every battle along the way (we call them interlocutory applications). Then we got to the trial - and won that as well.

Because we'd set him up, we managed to also get an order of the Court that SH had to personally pay for the costs of the litigation - which was assessed at about $130k. He was very unhappy about this.

So, of course, he appealed. We were in the state's highest appeals Court. We won that as well - and got a personal costs order against him. For about $100k. So he then appealed to the highest Court in the land - think the Supreme Court of the US or UK.

Those costs were unfortunately only $80k.

So there's no where to go from there - he's still arguing the toss about the quantum of the costs orders. But in that time, my law firm is now twice the size of what his was, and his has more than halved. So I'm just getting paralegals to run the costs arguments, they're time consuming, but not complex.

The piece de resistance? I've filed one of those ethical complaints - you know, the ones that end careers. It's going to be extremely problematic for him - and he's about to be charged with a long, and may I say well drafted and comprehensive, complaint about all his unethical dealings. Worst case, he pays a fine and is publicly reprimanded by the courts. Best case - he's thrown out of the profession.

TL-DR - Terrible, terrible psychopath lawyer uses his law firm as a blunt weapon to beat people into submission. Tries and fails - costing himself (personally) over $300k in costs.

​

*Short edit - to people who:

think that I shouldn't say this - there is nothing privileged here - almost all of it, except obviously my personal experience, is contained in publicly published court documents. All you'd need to do is to log onto my state's/nation's judgment databases to find all these details. I'm comfortable that I'm not doing anything wrong.

Don't believe me - if necessary, I can provide the publicly available judgments to the mods. I'd rather not do it here - as I'd like to preserve some anonymity.

(source) (story by GOWThrowa)

[nnq]

modern!au k(lance)

they're all in their 20's except for Shiro who's 30 and coran who's 50

first of all. miss me with that 'pining roommate' shit. I love miscommunication and making characters that r sexy bffs with one another

Lance meets Nyma through a Craigslist ad he put up saying he needed a roommate. the moment they met was a tragedy for everyone but them because they're that powerful and beautiful

lance with tousled hair, wearing a half-unbuttoned silk shirt and designer jeans, Michael kors sunglasses pushed up atop his head, arm wrapped around nyma: hi guys this is my roommate, nyma!

nyma, with her blonde 3-ft long box braids down her back, perfectly manicured red nails, bodycon dress and loubitons, hand on lances waist: hey

allura, shaking and on the verge of tears: STOP MAKING US LOOK POOR AND UGLY

Lance is in school for marine biology and Nyma works as a hairdresser and the both of them are small beauty gurus on YouTube that collab with one another

lance: hey guys we're going to be trying out the new anastasia pallete we got today :)!

nyma: and by got we mean shoplifted from sephora

lance: NYMA YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT

they're also insta baddies and both gender non-conforming baddies. Nyma is a nonbinary lesbian icon and lance is a nonbinary bicon.... those are like the fucking BEST senses of style

anyone with eyes can see that nyma is into and ONLY into girls but of course... heteronormativity.

rolo: I still don't get why you're dating lance. he's super annoying.

nyma: he doesn't bitch nearly as much as you even when he's got my cock in his ass

they do this thing where when people assume they're a couple they pretend they're some kind of kink couple and freak everyone out

which is why when hunk and pidge meet nyma they're like :eyes: but when nyma flirts with pidge lance doesn't even bat an eye and then lance starts pining about Keith's greasy mullet and his bags under his eyes and nymas got this look on her face that perfectly resembles a man who's lost all sense of normalcy and righteousness in his life and now sits in a bar every night listening to this dumb romance novel type shit and then pidge and hunk are like. oh. no they're just gay.

speaking of keith. he's one of those gays. one of the quirky emo gays that never sleeps and listens to 'coffee and cigarettes' on repeat and has like 3 strings of lights in his room and not only is an art major but ALSO a photographer. and yet somehow he still has the will to wake up at 5 am every morning and go to the gym like some kind of HEATHEN.

Lance knew Keith in high school for 3 years until he got expelled for fighting at the end of his junior year. He was also universally crushed on and was the bad boy jock of the school with a heart of gold so naturally Lance pretended to despise him so he could pine for him in peace

that all goes down the drain when Lance recognizes Keith in one of his classes and goes through the five stages of grief because a) he's hot and b) Lance is openly bi now so he doesn't have an escuse to not tolerate him

(He wasn't gonna do anything about it until he was put in a group with Keith a few weeks into class and he off handedly mentioned he went to Keiths high school, and Keith claimed he didn't remember him, and Lance was just a tad bit upset but was gonna leave it at that except after like 5 days of working together Keith slams his fists into the table and is like 'HOLY FUCK LANCE MCCLAIN?' And Lance is like. w. What.)

turns out Keith does remember lance. very vividly, actually. because he was the guy that everyone kind of had a crush on because he was so nice and charming to everyone he met, and Keith was SO gone for him. he just didn't recognize him tbh, which makes sense, bcuz in high school lance wore blue contacts and had straight hair and now he just wears glasses occasionally and leaves his hair wavy. Keith is gay and stupid don't blame him

keith, bursting into Shiro and Adams apartment at 2 pm: SHIRO HOLY FUCK

adam, bags under his eyes, underneath the covers of him and shiros bed: good fucking god not again

I'm tired of talking about ppl other than Lance and nyma though so I'm gonna talk about them for a bit because im love

as I said Lance has wavy hair and his actual eye color is brown but as he was growing up he was hella insecure about it that's why he wore blue contacts.... nyma caught him once trying to put them on again and put an end to All That Real Quick

nyma has brown eyes too and they're super dark, almost black, and that shits breathtaking bro. she usually has her real hair dyed blonde all the time and permed but she also likes to wear wigs and get braids too because she knows she looks damn good in them. everyone is jealous.

lance has tons of super light freckles. Enough said. nyma has a birthmark on her hip that's kind of shaped like a horse if you look at it from the right way

lance: you were a horse girl as a kid weren't u

nyma: how fucking dare. how fucking dare you say that. I really do have to laugh.......

nyma: obviously I was a warrior cats stan

lance's sense of fashion ranges from 'i went to California for a week once and now I can't stop wearing sweatpants and slides' to 'It's surprising I haven't gotten robbed at this point'. Lance is a scholarship baby so all the money he saved up through countless jobs and the one he already has at a coffee shop almost exclusively goes to clothes and kombucha

Nymas sense of style is definitely more on the eccentric side but since she looks good in EVERYTHING she gets away with it. think dollskill but with more neon colors and designer. she's the kind of person that never wears the same shade of lipstick for a whole month and has a box full of makeup palletes that are almost untouched and everyone who has seen it is both jealous and in wonder FENTYWAYS...

Keith goes over to lance's apartment for a project of sorts and immediately assumes that Lance and Nyma are a thing (they're very platonically affectionate, Nyma will kiss lance's cheek and they cuddle sometimes) which is disappointing but it's not a surprise considering Lance is so Lance and everyone else acts like they are dating so that must be the case, right?

lmao you thought.

nyma: holy shit. holy Fuck. God, allura is so hot. I would probably die if she brushed past me. I would die happily knowing I've been blessed by the touch of an angel.

lance: yeah haha she's really pretty.

keith, struggling to not choke on his coffee hearing All This at 9:31 A.M. in starbucks:

Keith asks if he can take photos of the two of them for his photography insta and they both jump on it so they can flex being sexy and afterwards Lance thanks him with a kiss on the cheek and Keith is sent REELING into gay mayhem.

lance: do you think that was like..... too much.

nyma: i think men are dumb that's what.

I mean u can't really blame Keith because Lance and Nyma are constantly joke-flirting with one another on social media and are in almost every one of the others photos in some way, or at least tagged, so by the time Keith actually works up the nerve to ask about that, it's been WEEKS since Lance kissed him and he's been miserably failing to ignore it

keith: so.... how's nyma doing?

lance: she's good! She's spent all day dying one of her wigs so she went for a coffee run lol. probably will hang with allura and shay later too

keith: and.... that doesn't make you jealous?

lance: LOL no.... they could never compete with me (talking about being Nyma's best friend)

keith: oh.... well, it's good that you trust each other a lot in your relationship.... you seem like a really good boyfriend

lance: wat the fuck did you just say.

as soon as lance explains that nyma is not his gf and they're just bffs Keith is like ohthankgod.jpg and almost accidentally asks lance on a date before he stops himself and is like.... dumb gay bitch calm DOOOWWWNN

after that it becomes very obvious that nyma and lance r just friends at least for Keith mostly through dumb shit they say to one another

lance, sitting with hunk, pidge, and Keith at the library: hey guys wanna see something cool.

pidge: go for it

lance, clearing his throat: she think she bad but I'm better, these bitches tryna play catch up-

nyma, coming out of nowhere: SHUT THE FUCK UP WHEN I'M TALKING LIL BITCH, PUT YO HEAD DOWN WHEN YOU TALK TO A PIMP-

Nyma and Lance have self-care nights every Friday, sometimes Allura or Shay will come, and very RARELY Keith if only to spend time with Lance. also? Allura and Shay are dating, die mad about it.

They do waxing, exfoliation, mud masks, moisturizing treatments, hair masks, painting nails.... need I go on. it's basically whatever they want to do that week and when Keith reluctantly agrees to participate one day Lance goes mental

lance: OK so here's what I'm thinking. it's obvious you haven't really had a self care day for a while, which is like, fine, you do you, but holy shit are your split ends bad. I was thinking maybe I could trim them and then we could do a hair mask? Oh! A face mask would be good as well, even though you've practically got perfect skin. I'd offer to wax but for first timers the pain is a bitch to handle on the face. I'm not sure if you'd be an acrylic kind of guy but I have some black nail polish that I could put on- wow, your hands are really big compared to mine, and they're so soft, haha, isn't that crazy? so what do you think?

keith, still reeling from the fact that lance is going to touch his hair, face, and hands in the next several hours: uh......yeah..... sounds great.

nyma, sitting on lance's bed in nothing but a bra and sweatpants, smoking a blunt and readjusting her sheet mask: *long exhale* christ

Shay got Lance into the whole healthy organic food thing and in turn he got Nyma into it so they're both the bitches who drink nothing but Fiji water and almond milk and will offer you a plate of sliced cucumbers and tomatoes as a snack. we Stan a vegan couple.

keith: these are actually really good.

nyma: we usually put them on our eyes, but go off I guess.

keith:

nyma: nah I'm just fucking with you, we have different cucumbers for that

by the end of the night Keith feels like he's been cleaned by a car wash and he's dizzy from all of lance's thoughtless affection and when lance says he can stay the night because it's already late, Keith mindlessly blurts out 'only if it's with you' and nymas like.... um. Wig.

keith, laying stiff as a board on one side of lance's bed: uh

lance: oh my God you gay bitch get over here and spoon me. also kiss me on the fucking lips bro.

Nyma owns a cat named Beezer that she stole from her old roommate (rolo) but calls her beebo because quote 'beezer is so fucking lame bro i hate men'. Lance owns a Russian blue mix called, you guessed it, Blue, that he found stuck in his apartments basement only a few days after moving in. Nyma and Lance are WEAK

lance: ohhhhh look at my pretty baby sitting on the table all cute and relaxed!!! look at that baby!!! fantastic stuff!

nyma, putting her head on beebos belly: You Are So Soft And So Chubby I Would Die For You

pidge would also die for the both of them

OK I'm tired and uninspired so I'll stop here but I MAY ADD MORE LATER

[fictional-scenarios]

May I request a continuation of the last Aizawa one where the reader is a villain? It would be cool to see how they clean up their act and how their relationship starts. Thanks for your hard work on everyone's requests. :D

something even more new 

pairing: aizawa shouta // reader

a/n: since this is kind of a broad request im do headcanons that turn into a scenario :3 enjoy!!!!

part one!

warnings: none!

Since your last encounter with the hero EraserHead, you really are sure that you left that scene a changed person. The day after you told yourself that the call had been too close, that he really was planning on turning you in. He would have if you hadn’t caved and begged, dropping your cocky and playful attitude. You had to plead with him just for a final chance and fuck if you weren’t going to make it count. Not that you had much of a choice, afterall. If you got into trouble again you doubt he’d let it ever slide again.

A week later you finally take the first step in bettering yourself. You ghost whatever little friends you have who you’re sure would work to turn you back. You burn your suit, throw away and crush the stolen items you’ve accumulated over the years. It’s hard as hell even if you were never the most sentimental person in the world. Once your room looked nearly barren, you let out a deep sigh and flopped onto your bed, one of the only items you bought yourself with your own money upon moving into the city. Without all the mementos of your past staring you in the face, you finally feel like you might be able to breathe a little bit better.

The next step you take is finding a proper job. While you wished you would have sold all your stolen goods when you got rid of them, you knew it was better this way. You weren’t a crook anymore, and non-crooks got money the same way of everyone else does. You apply at whatever cafe you can, fill out the resumes and stealthily throw in that you’re a very ‘flexible’ person who can work many different jobs at once. Quick on your feet, easy to get along with. Of course no one knows just where your accumulated experience is from, but you’re sure you can come up with something on the spot. You’ve always been good with your words, after all.

Luckily you get an interview from a local cafe just a few blocks away from your tiny home. It’s very lax from the looks of it, mostly focusing on coffees but also bears a nice section of books and comics. Easy enough, but already you can tell it’s going to be boring compared to your old job. You get the job on the spot, the elderly owner more than happy to introduce a new member to the team. They’re all mostly older but there’s a few people your age, all of which are oddly suspicious that they’ve never met you before. You tell them something that isn’t entirely a lie: you never really got acquainted with anyone. Kept to yourself, spent most of your time working. Of course they took it without batting an eye and welcomed you to the cafe with open arms.

Working a position so mundane was one of the harder parts of ‘getting better’. You were always a person who’d love to get thrilled, lived life on the edge, so spending your time serving frappes and selling brownies didn’t really make you feel like you were getting the excitement you so craved. Every now and then you would have fun with your coworkers or you would spark up a conversation with a customer over a book they were buying, but you still found yourself daydreaming now and then about your old pastimes.

More specific, you would daydream about your old interactions. Eraserhead, namely. You missed taunting him, bounding roof to roof with him on your tale. It was always a game of cat and mouse and you enjoyed every single moment. You hadn’t seen or heard from him since then, but perhaps that was for the best. He likely wouldn’t even recognize you anymore. You certainly wouldn’t.

About a month into your new found life, you started feel yourself longing to slip back down that hill. Little things here and there, the urge to take some money from the register or snag a watch off a customers wrist. You were always confident in your skills and despite the break you were sure you could pull off your stunts just as easily as you always had been. At one point it the urge gets to bad that you almost cave. A customer leaves his wallet on the floor right by the exit and it would be so, so easy to just take it. You can see him outside the window typing on his phone, completely unaware. With no one looking, you take a deep breath, slink to the door, and pick it up. It’s heavy in your hand, the man surely has a lot of money stored away. You could steal it. Slip away and take it somewhere it would never be found. No one would suspect you- people lose wallets on the streets all the time. It would help you pay your bills now that you aren’t making nearly as much…

As you bite your lip, you make a choice that seals the deal.

“Sir!” You hollar, pushing the door open. The man stops typing, looks up at you like you’re insane. The closer you come the more he can see what you’re holding, and soon enough he’s patting his back pocket with wide eyes.

“O-Oh!” He gapes as you hand it back to him. “I had no idea…!”

“Hah, yeah. Woulda sucked to leave without your wallet.” You rub the back of your head sheepishly. “I’m just glad I caught you in time.”

“Thanks so much, this really means a lot.” He eyes you for a moment. “Y’know I don’t think I’ve ever seen you around here save for working at the cafe. Live nearby?”

You shift your weight. “U-Uh yeah. Just moved here recently so I haven’t really…”

“Moved in yet?”

Despite having lived in the area for years, you nod. “Yeah. My place is like, empty, hah.”

Not a lie, but not a truth either. The man seems to bite, smiling warmly at you and saying, “Well, see you around. Thanks again, it’s nice to know we’ve got good hearted people like you in the city. We could always use the extra kindness.”

You sputter, “Have a great day, sir!”

When he nods, you turn your back on him almost a little too quickly. Heart in your throat, sweaty hands, for some reason that was one of the only things you’ve ever done that have shaken you. You’ve never been a friendly face, let alone someone considered ‘kind’. The mans words for some reason resonated within you, made you feel a strange sense of appreciation that you’d never really experienced before. Though unsure if it felt good or bad, it was definitely new.

As you step back inside the cafe, you’re stopped by a voice.

“Wow. So you really have taken a new wing.”

Instantly you’re searching everywhere, only to stop at a figure crouched atop the archway leading into your workplace. Wearing all black as always, hair messy and falling around his face, Aizawa perches and watches you from above. He’s just as scruffy as you remembered, but not nearly as annoyed. He doesn’t look as troubled as he always does when he’s chasing you through the city.

“Eraserhead.” You place a hand on your hips and flash him a cocky grin. “I was wondering when you’d show up.”

It’s a line you’ve said time and time again. He scoffs, and for just a moment, it feels like old times. He narrows his eyes at you, and this would be the moment you’d start running, but this time you don’t. For once you have no reason to. He leaps down and sizes you up, eyeing the nametag and the flour covered apron you wore.

“Never guessed you’d apply here of all places.”

“What, I can’t like coffee?”

He shrugs loosely. “Didn’t say that. Just not used to seeing you looking like a normal person.”

“Wow, thanks.” You deadpan. “This was the first place that called back, and I’ll take whatever I can get.”

Aizawa shoves his hands in his pockets and shifts his weight. “So you’re suddenly just an all new person?”

“I mean, I guess. I’m trying to be.” Looking away, you sigh. “It’s harder than I thought it would be.”

“You seem like you’re doing fine.”

“Yeah. Better than I thought I would be but…”

“You miss it.” Aizawa finishes for you. “Or it’s a habit.”

“Both.” You give an empty laugh, and he grunts. Flashing him a cheeky grin, you know you don’t nearly have as much confidence than you would if he busted you mid plan. If anything, you’re sure you look more nervous than anything else. “But hey, we had a lot of fun, didn’t we?”

The way he rolls his eyes makes you laugh again. “You were a pain in my ass.”

“Yet you always let me go.”

A pause worms it’s way between the two of you. You stare at him, he stares right back, tired eyes still watching as if he’s trying to decide your next move. Perhaps he doesn’t really believe you’ve changed, or maybe he just isn’t sure how to interact with you beyond an energetic chase. You break the silence before he can, reaching out and taking the door to pll it open. Without making eye contact, oddly docile, you say, “I’m taking my lunch, if you want to sit with me for a bit.”

Aizawa is quiet, but then he shrugs, follows you inside. You leave finding a seat to him as you walk behind the counter and clock out, hollering to your coworkers in the back that you’re taking a lunch while it’s slow. Taking a seat across the table from Aizawa, you bring both you and him cups of water. Strangely he speaks first, the moment you sit down.

“Do you like it here?”

It catches you off guard, but you nod regardless. “It’s fine. Boring, but fine. Keep’s me out of trouble.”

“Good.” He leans back in his chair and crosses his arms. “I’d hate to have to turn you in after all this hard work.”

“What can I say? You scared me straight. You’d make a good security guard, you’ve got the scary eyes.”

“Thanks.” He grunts, and you flash an insolent grin.

“Anytime.”

His eyes follow the menu along the back wall as he speaks again, mumbling, “I thought you were going to skip town.”

“I thought about it but…”

His eyes flicker to you. “But what.”

“But I guess I realized running wasn’t really… An option anymore.”

“I’m surprised.”

“Why’s that?”

“Seemed like running was your favorite part.”

“It was,” You brighten. “Until you were actually going to turn me in. Suddenly it wasn’t as much fun anymore.”

Aizawa picks up his drink and takes a sip, huffing a laugh as he brings it to his lips. “Now look at you. Serving coffee with a smile.”

“Well that depends on the customer.”

“Mm. New life but the same attitude.”

“I mean I can’t change everything.” You tease. “Gotta keep some part of my identity. Plus,” You lean forward on your elbows, eyes devious as they always used to be. “You love my attitude.”

He almost chokes on his drink, and you let your head fall with laughter. This is what you missed, even if it wasn’t the same anymore.

“Not funny.” He grunts once he’s caught his breath, and you try to stifle your remaining giggles.

“Very funny. Hilarious, even.”

“Don’t forget I still have the power to turn you in.”

It’s an empty threat, you know it is. You poke the bear anyways, just as you always had.

“Me? Break a law? Eraserhead you should know me better than that. I’m just a simple person making some coffee and selling some books. I’ve never even so much as looked at a villain a day in my life.”

“Yeah, yeah. Such an innocent, law-abiding pedestrian.”

“Yep, that’s me!” You point at yourself with your thumb. “Model citizen right here.”

Aizawa scoffs, but it’s the first time you’ve ever heard him do so without the bite. Without the venom, the irritation.

“Good,” He says. “Keep it that way.”

You hum in amusement. “No promises.”

“You better. Don’t make me have to do checkups just to keep your ass out of prison.”

Your brows raise. “So now you’re trying to keep me out of prison?”

“If you ever paid any attention you’d realize that that’s what I’ve been doing since the first time I caught you red handed.”

Whatever cockiness you had before was punctured, your eyes widening for a moment. “Seriously?”

“You were such a pain all the damn time. It would have been much easier to just let the authorities handle you but,” He sighs and looks into his drink absentmindedly. “I saw potential.”

“Potential…? What kind of potential?” He lets his eyes wander around the cafe, the cheery signs, then he lets his eyes fall back to you. He stares at your nametag, and you frown. “You saw potential in me being some simpleton waitress at a cafe?”

“Being a good person. And by the looks of it, I was right.”

“You can’t prove that.” You cross your arms defiantly, eyebrows raising.

“You gave that man his wallet back when you could have easily snatched it for your own.” Aizawa’s eyes are on yours, and you slump your head down to your shoulders. Damn him for always getting you in the end, one or the other.

That strange sense of appreciation bubbles within you again. This time you cope with it differently, and you realize that it doesn’t feel bad. 

“Shut up.” You grumble. “But… Thanks.”

“For?”

You shrug. “For seeing the potential, I guess.”

Leaning back in his seat, he sighs out. “Yeah. Don’t make me regret it.”

Despite knowing you’ve got nothing against him, you can’t help but give him a toothy grin. “No promises.”

“Don’t make me check in with you.”

“What if I do?”

“Then I’d have to keep tabs. Make sure you’re on the right path.”

“So you’ll visit me?”

“If I have to.”

“Here?”

He eyes you for a moment, catches the glint of excitement in your words. Although you’d never expect it, the corners of his lips upturn just enough to soften his expression.

“Once a week.”

“Only once?” You hum. “That leaves six other days to get in trouble…”

“Twice, then.”

“I dunno….”

“Three times. Take it or leave it.”

“Well how can I say no when you’re just so eager?”

“Could you at least try to hide your excitement?”

You giggle. “I knew you liked me.”

“Alright, that’s it.” He starts to get up and you leap, reaching out to grab his wrist.

“Wait, I’m only joking!” As he starts to sit back down, you smile. “Three days a week. Right here.”

“Three. Only three.”

You look down at your drink before flicking your eyes right back to him. “Never more?”

“Don’t push it.” He mumbles, and you realize you’ll take whatever he’ll give. Three days is a blessing.

“____!” Your attention is suddenly yanked away, and you see your coworker standing at the register. He’s one of your newer friends, someone you felt oddly close to despite your naturally high walls.

“What’s up?” You ask.

“Are you done with your date? You’ve got five more minutes.”

You gawk. “O-Oh! This isn’t-“

“Hey, no judging!” He cuts you off when you flush. “But seriously. Don’t clock in late or boss will have a fit. He’s a cool guy but he hates late-punchers.”

Aizawa sighs and stands, and immediately you’re flooded with disappointment. For the first time you’d been having fun with him, conversing. No chasing, no fighting or one liners, just… A nice conversation.

“I have to be leaving, anyways.” He says, and your face falls. He rolls his eyes. “Are you gonna start crying?”

“Maybe. I’m a bit softie now, remember?”

“Softie my ass.” He grunts as you stand up. You follow him to the door and as he pulls it open, that same disappointment only gets heavier. Regardless, you grin at him when he steps outside and turns back to look at you in the opening. “Bye.”

You go to say goodbye, but then it hits you. “Wait!” You call, and when he turns, you say, “I don’t even know your name. Just Eraserhead.”

Aizawa slumps his shoulders. “Aizawa.”

“Alright then, Aizawa,” The way his name feels in your mouth is… Nice. “I’ll see you in exactly… 2 days from now!”

“Yeah. Think you can make it?”

“I’ll do my best.”

“Good.”

He turns his back on you once more, and you let the door shut. Albeit still upset at the loss of him leaving, you can’t help but feel excitement building up in your stomach. Three days a week you’d have coffee with him. Just coffee, but it still made you light up in a way you hadn’t felt before.

As you clock in, your co worker pesters you about Aizawa, and you find it hard to not get even more excited talking about him. How you were going to make it two days you had no idea, but finally you were happy with the choices you’d made. Whatever urges you had before were gone, demolished.

This was going to be good for you, you could feel it it in your bones.

[thelonelytraveler11]

Is this really the best I can do?!

It's been three years since I've done any form of research. I haven't worked in almost three years. Just in case anyone's wondering, yes, I filled out job applications (a lot, like ~250 before I gave up). For the past couple years, I've been living off my savings, the little bit of money I get from my family, and the little bit of money I get from having part time jobs. My work experience since dropping out has been pretty dismal (on average), I haven't been able to hold down a job that gave an appreciable amount of money for longer than 3 months at a time without being fired or being so miserable that I just said "fuck it" and quit.

I understand the concern some may have. You may consider it my fault for being unemployed. Quitting a job that I'm miserable while doing may seem irrational or irresponsible, but speaking as a person who spent almost the entirety of his college years being miserable, I can say with all honesty that being broke is better than being miserable. I envy those that can’t seem to comprehend my way of thinking, because that probably means they have a very good life. I wouldn't want to work in an environment that negatively affects my emotional state for 4 decades anyways. Having disposable income isn’t more important than my well being. Having a job I actually enjoy doing is very important to me because I don't have many sources of happiness in my life.

I'm kind of a loner. I don't have a strong relationship with any of my relatives and I don't have friends anymore (and even more troubling, I don't care to have those types of relationships anymore). The only potential source of happiness is my job. I don't foresee me failing in love or developing a close relationship with anyone. If the current trend continues, I think its more probable that it doesn’t happen.

I feel numb most of the time and when I do feel something, I'm usually thinking about my college days and that something is usually anger. It honestly was my biggest regret, going to the University of Illinois. Sometimes I wished I never went to college. Literally the only thing that was even remotely good about my college experience was my grades, everything else sucked. Looking back, I wish I went back to working at CVS after I graduated from HS.

In the alternate timeline, I probably would have been better off in the long run (very little stress, no debt, live rent free at my mom's house for a couple of years after graduation while working a presumably full time job which would enable me to save up a fair amount of cash before moving out). Instead, I came away with nothing. My college education was completely worthless, I reaped no benefits from being a degree recipient. All I did was waste 7 years of my life and thousands of other people’s dollars studying stuff that ultimately wouldn't matter. If I were a benefactor for the UIUC department of chemistry, I would be pissed to hear my story because that means my money isn't being put to good use, especially if I added into one of the scholarships that was awarded to me.

So, I know what your wondering, why am I writing this post? Well, I was trying to get ride time with CFD and I called for a specific person that wasn't in. Someone took a message and wrote my name down as Joel Dennison. Dennison was the last name of the NMR guy at UCI. That got me thinking about my college days and how I hated basically everyone. I caught myself looking through emails and for the most part, the more I read, the more I remembered, the more enraged I got. Now that's one sure fire way to put me in a bad mood, get me thinking about the bad ol' days. I bet many of the people I went to grad school with are enjoying their careers, while I was completely forgotten (and if they're not enjoying them, well at least they have them).

I’ve always wondered why were the other students so complicit? Is racism really that prevalent? Is there something else going on? See, it's one thing to not say anything while they were still students because it runs the risk of them being treated like I was treated. But to not even offer a helping hand even after their careers were established, knowing what they know, is un-fucking-real.

I never really felt welcomed in chemistry. People seemed to be more in love with the idea of me. I noticed the longer I stayed, the worse I was treated. At U of I, it was .... kinda bad. I experienced a form a discrimination where I would have written essentially the same answer as my lighter counterparts but received lower grades (slightly lower, but still). People assumed I did well in certain classes because the professor "liked me" (pretty sure no one at U of I liked me much). People also made statements that are crazy racist and then tried to pass them off as jokes. I fucking hated life in Champaign-Urbana.

SIDE NOTE: the following story doesn't necessarily reflect the chemists, but it does represent a subset of the student body at U of I. So, I'm sitting in the cafeteria with three dudes I already knew and some guy from the next table looks over to me and says "Sorry, if I offended you". I calmly replied "what did you say?" And Oh....My....God.... the look of utter fear was plastered all over his face. I said, "What did you say?", again, calmly. I can not stress enough that I was visibly calm throughout this entire situation. And then I noticed he was shivering, I figured I would warm up a lil bit by using my hot ass breath, so I repeated the question louder and slower (you know, to give the guy's body time to come to thermal equilibrium), again.......calmly. He was still frozen in fear. So now I am mentally gearing up to jump across this table to snatch this little boy's neck out from under him. And then something miraculous happened, my tunnel vision broke down and I realized someone was calling me. It was Jon (one of the kids I was sitting with) telling me to drop it...so I did......so, yeah, that's the story of how I almost got kicked out of U of I for snatching the neck out from under some little white kid during sophomore year. 


But there was one instance of me being the butt of racist jokes in chemistry that I can remember. Then UIUC grad student, John Overcash (who I believed worked for Ken Suslick), made mention of me "cooking crack up in the kitchen" on more than one occasion. Apparently, since I was a black chem major (that specialized in organic chemistry) I must have been a drug dealer beforehand. Or maybe he thought I was a drug dealer then....who knows...

To make matters worst, people have used the stuff other people made up to put themselves a head of me. Senior year I had an interview with eli lilly. My interview was at 9 am and there was one person interviewing before me at 8 am. The 8 am slot was taken by one Joseph Cullen (a fellow undergrad). During the end of his interview , I could vaguely hear what was said, but it sounded like Cullen told the interviewers that I was a drug dealer. The door opens up, the interviewer shoots me a look and goes into the room where my interviewers were and talks to them. Meanwhile Cullen walks past me. I give him a thumbs up and he walks away chuckling to himself. These are not good signs. I can’t say for certain that these people really believed I was a drug dealer, but their behavior suggested it. It was their reaction to me saying the phrase "nice white crystalline product", that’s what suggested it. I was describing the physical characteristics of the product from a reaction I ran and it just so happen to be a white crystalline solid (...smh). What I want to know why were these people so quick to believe Cullen? Yes, what Cullen said could be true (which it wasn't) but couldn't it also be true that he's trying to give himself a better chance of getting a job by undercutting the competition?

I wish I got a job offer as an undergrad. I honestly didn't want to go to grad school, but I had no other choice. Visiting grad schools was a whole ordeal, I was told in one way or another that I wasn’t welcomed ... at every school. At Scripps I was told explicitly that I wasn’t good enough to be there by complete strangers (how exactly would they know given that they never assessed my ability to think ... who knows). At Indiana University, I was placed in a hotel room by myself because they heard I slept naked. At UCI, I was told that I wouldn’t make it pass my first year (again, by complete strangers). At Caltech, I was told I didn’t belong because I was a drug dealer (or that I look like a drug dealer, apparently).

Now, I ask you, how do drug dealers look exactly? What are they’re defining characteristics? I ask because if you asked someone who lived in Champaign-Urbana for four years to imagine what a drug dealer looks like, they might imagine a srcawny white boy in a frat (not someone that looks like me). What makes the Caltech visit even weirder was that Prof. Sarah Reisman was just standing by, staring at me while I was being told I didn’t belong (by the help, you know, the people who was serving drinks). It was like she was trying to read my facial expressions to get a sense of what type of person I was (or am). Or was she using the help as a proxy to express her own thoughts (I’m not sure)? Was she waiting for me to “defend myself”? 
How would I be able to do that exactly?

SIDE NOTE: it’s impossible to defend yourself when there’s no evidence for or against whatever accusations there may be. It all comes down to what people choose to believe. The help has already chosen to believe I’m a drug dealer (or at least look like one) and I’m willing to bet there’s really nothing I can really do about.

No matter how I analyze the situation, Reisman’s behavior does not reflect positively on her as a person. I’m not sure if she knows this, but she was the primary reason I had to not go to Caltech. I found her behavior to be very off-putting and I got the sense that she didn’t really want me to go to school there. On top of that there was talk of her wanting to have (oral) sex. 


DISCLAIMER: I am effectively asexual, I don’t have sex ... with anyone ... or anything (yes, I actually needed to say both).

Now, I didn’t believe the talk when I first heard it because I thought there was no way a self-respecting, competent professor would admit to wanting to engage in a sexual relationship with a perspective student ... this is what I choose to think. However, the more I heard of her desires to have (oral) sex, the more I believed it. But I never fully accepted the rumors as the truth until my first year at UCI. Reisman came to Irvine for a talk and as always almost all the Organic students showed up. Before the event, I was sitting at the small table with another grad student in my year, her name was Beth R. (I don’t know how to spell her last name and I’m not going to try to google it). Beth ended up mentioning how pretty Reisman looked .... I “mmmhmmm”ed her. I could hear the chatter going on behind me, Reisman seemed mildly disappointed that I didn’t agree. Beth soothed her ill feelings by saying that I didn’t disagree. After the event, I was talking to Prof. Scott Rychnovsky and Reisman came up in the conversion. This was the final nail in the coffin that made me believe the rumors were true. It wasn’t the fact that he said she would’ve blown me, it was the fact that he said it soooo enthusiastically. He was as enthused as a person could possibly be in a professional/academic setting. No one should that enthused by the thought of a man getting his dick sucked as much as Rychnovsky was by the thought of Reisman putting my dick in her mouth, no one. It was kinda weird. 


The thought this woman hocking loogies on my dick tip, and imagining the sensation of warm saliva slowly rolling down my shaft (as I quote lines from the movie, Shaft (the Samuel L. Jackson version...obviously)) as I knock my head back, praying to god that I don’t come away from this situation with paper cuts (she has thin lips) just to look back down after noticing she paused just so she could fill the waves from my pulsating erection and make eye contact as she goes deeper and increases the pace eventually moving to the point where she starts straggling my balls and moaning like Lady Gaga singing a lullaby to baby while stroking my hard cock until I cum for her as Nicole Nava sits beside her while taking notes shouldn’t be even remotely amusing.....TO ANYONE...EVER!!!!!! But apparently to Rychnovsky, it was. It was at that moment I never wanted to be affliated with Caltech as long as Reisman was there. If Caltech and Illinois were the only two places that offered me jobs after finishing the PhD, I’d have to change careers.


Okay, so here’s the thing. I don’t really view professors as people. When I was a student, they were more like encyclopedias that could talk to me. They simply took the form of a human, kinda like a barbie doll. They’re anatomically incorrect, they lack genitalia, so they don’t have a gender. I honestly, believed this. One time, during senior year, I walked in the third floor bathroom in RAL and I saw Prof Steven Zimmerman taking piss. My face immediately screws all the way up, my inside voice says “How is he standing up and taking a piss when he doesn’t have a dick?”.....I thought that....I literally thought that....I shit you not. Just so you know, it wasn’t just Zimmerman, it was every professor. The women are doubly dickless, in my mind Suzanne Blum was like —(Mia Khalifa) because she has negative two dicks inside of her at all times.

DISCLAIMER: just so we’re clear, I’m NOT alluding to the fact that Blum has to get people to agree to have sex with her. Nor am I alluding to the assertion she’ll probably be nothing more than an afterthought for literally anyone. I’m merely trying to stress the fact that I don’t think of professors as people, but as encyclopedias that can talk to me.

I was made to feel unwlecomed at every school I visited. Why? Well, you'll have to ask them. I can honestly say that by the time graduation (from U of I) came around I didn't believe that i would have a successful career as a chemist, but I put everything into this so I couldn't just leave...

Grad school was even worst because on top of being the black kid, I was also the social pariah. The other students did a real good of making me feel unwelcomed. So much so that after two weeks of living in Irvine I stopped trying to make friends. No one seemed interested in being cool with me (I'm basing this off people's behavior ... obviously). And if some of them were, the way they showed it was so unique that I couldn't even recognize it as a sincere attempt to get my attention.

I also experienced some the same stuff I did when I was at U of I. Namely, instructors not giving me what I earned. In Dave VanVraken’s class I always received the second highest score on the exams. The really curious thing is that no one knows who received the top score. Once, when I asked to see the printed out distribution, the TA refused to show me (why?). I'm willing to bet that single point ahead of me was a dummy point. In Liz Jarvo’s class, when the first exam came around, we found out the high score was a 83. Who got the high score?...no one knows, but when I received my test the number 38 was written on (Also note I just so happen to get the same score as the other kid from U of I). At first, I was puzzled and glanced over to Peg (the TA). She sees my score, turns to Jarvo and says "he knows he didn't get that low". While I don't remember Jarvo’s exact words, she stated in some way that I would come to her and argue my case for a higher grade. So, here's the thing. I shouldn't have to defend myself or argue with you to ensure that I'm treated like everyone else. It should be a given. 


From what I hear the reason why I was treated this way has something to do with them not wanting me to "talk stuff" to the other students. 


Okay, so where is this coming from? I ask because I’ve been me long enough to know their opinion of what I’m like isn’t actually based off me. If they actually talked to my fellow classmates, the most common thing you’d probably hear is that I’m quiet. So either these people are just making up stuff to justify treating me how they want to treat me or my classmates are liars. I’m not really the type to talk about my grades (or really anything) unless the topic is explicitly brought up in conversation (and this is assuming I feel like talking at all). You can dress it up however you want, but treating me like a second class student for any reason solely reflects poorly on you (it gives no indication as to what I’m like). There were instances like this in half the classes I took. Some, admittedly were a smaller deal than others. In Vanderwal’s class I got marked off once because I didn’t draw both arrows in a mechanism that included a homolytic cleavage. For those that don’t know, if a homolytic cleavage occurs and you show one electron going in one direction, it is assumed that the other electron goes in the opposite direction and therefore does not need to be explicitly stated (minor, but mildly annoying). In polymer chemistry (taught by Aaron Esser-Khan), we had one assignment where we needed to propose something that wasn’t in the primary literature. I proposed a polymerization based off a derivative of the Hiyama coupling. Khan’s critique was that since it wasn’t already in the primary literature, it probably wasn’t a good idea ... really?! And don’t even get me started on spec because that spec TA was sketchy as fuck. He intentionally told me the wrong due date for a homework assignment and I’m pretty sure he shaved a couple points off one of my exams...

Okay, so these experiences are only a subset of the shitty things I experienced as a UCI student. But do you know what made life at UCI worst than life at U of I? My research advisor (Suzanne Blum)....and to a slightly lesser extent my fellow group members. Over the years I grew to hate them. I was lied about, I had a homework assigns hidden behind water coolers (Darius Faizi), I’ve had the nitrogen lines removed from air sensitive reactions (Darius Faizi, Suzanne Blum), I had products from reactions switch out for reagent alcohol (it’s a mixture of ethanol, methanol, and isopropanol) (Josh Hirner), I’ve had septums removed from reaction mixtures (Josh Hirner), I’ve had people try to placate me with sex (Katrina Roth), I’ve had people try to use the fact that I was in an agitated state to get something they wanted (Katrina Roth), I’ve had people turn on the indoor lights in my car in an effort to drain my battery while I’m allowing them to use my car to practice driving so they can get a U.S. driver’s license (Muhammed Al-Amin), I’ve had people ask questions just so they can not listen to the answer (Chao Zheng, Drew), I’ve experienced asking people for help just so they can not even try to help brainstorm what the answer could be (Darius Faizi, Kim Tu), I helped others brain storm shortcomings for a proposal, just to catch an attitude when they realize I didn’t catch everything the first time around (Quinn Easter). 


SIDE NOTE: To provide context, Quinn asked me to look through a synthetic route in his proposal that he was intending to present in his advancement to candidacy exam. There was something I didn’t immediately see but did bring up during a group when he was giving a practice presentation. He became visibly upset and mentioned he thought I was trying to make him look bad. If I was really trying to make you look bad, I wouldn’t have told you anything, so that you would’ve made the same mistakes when it actually mattered. Quinn, you’re an idiot.  


l’ve had people call me after I already dropped out and given up on chemistry from a redacted telephone number claiming to be an official representative of UCI calling me in an effort to get my address (Suzanne Blum, Ashley Davis), and I’ve had the experience where I ask for information pertinent to group website maintenance and they act like I’m hitting on them (Adena).

SIDE NOTE: 
This is something that always amused/offended me, having  someone assume I’m attracted to them because I acknowledged their existence. It’s funny because because they have the audacity ... but it’s also offensive because the operating assumption is that I don’t have standards, which couldn’t be further from the truth. (They seem to make a lot of faulty assumptions)

What was this experience suppose to teach me? How was I supposed to become a better person or scientist because of my affiliation with the group/university? Me coming to Irvine and working for Blum was a total waste of my time. I’m not entirely sure what her deal was, but it seemed she had a preconceived notion of who I was. No matter what type of relationship we have (or suppose to have) this will cause problems where there shouldn’t be. 


Is the request that someone’s opinion of you is actually based on you too much to ask for? Because I feel it’s a basic request that most people should be able to easily do. The contemptuous treatment did subside with time (mostly because I avoided talking to other students when ever possible) but it never really stopped. Why did it start to begin with? I’m willing to bet the only things they don’t like about me has everything to do with me reacting to the way they treat me.  Again, I have to ask, is racism really that prevalent?


Then one day, I started getting so fed up with life that I decided I needed an escape, even if it’s only for a couple weeks. So, I started planning a trip to Europe. I worked hard in the weeks coming up to the trip. I was trying to finish my entire project before I left (sadly, I didn’t, but I tried). Things were looking on the up and up. Before I left, Blum even said I was meeting her expectations, that was the nicest thing she ever said to me (it was the nicest thing anyone at UCI has ever said to me). I went off on my trip, and during the middle of it I received an email essentially telling me that my time at UCI was finished. Why? I still don’t know. 3 years later and I still don’t know why my career was ended before it was even given a chance to start.  It’s hard to move on with your life when you don’t have closure. It’s really hard to move on when you still have to live with consequences of other people’s actions.

 SIDE NOTE: I got the sense sometimes that Suzanne Blum did not really care about her job 100% of the time. I’m not entirely sure what to make of it. It’s like, either she truly didn’t understand the importance of her role (as the leader of a research group) or she truly doesn’t give a shit. Either way, she doesn’t deserve to be in the position she’s in. 


I still remember my last day in Irvine. It was bitter sweet. I was so happy to finally get to leave but also a bit anxious because I knew that the thousands of hours I spent studying and doing research was time wasted and it would never amount to anything. I knew I wasn’t going to get a job with my credentials. I even saw Eric (the other kid from U of I) in the student center when I went over to get lunch. He was looking at me all sad and shit because he knew I didn’t have a future in chemistry. We didn’t talk, we just walked past each other and exchanged glances. I tried to conceal a smile as I walked by. By the time my Dad’s flight landed, I had moved most of the stuff out my apartment. 


Life at home was hard. Depression is a mother fucker. I liken it to  a less severe version of sleep paralysis. I felt like I was stuck in my own body. Kinda like how I felt in the early Irvine days when it would take me hours to roll out of bed. I would literally wake at 6 am and just stare at the ceiling for ~4 hrs before I could convince myself to get up. And to make things worst, no emotional support was offered by my family. Their assumptions that I’m somehow responsible for other people’s actions along with their snide remarks about me being lazy did the opposite of help. I regretted coming home, even more so when I found out I somehow failed the background check for CPD. 


Now, how in the holy fuck does someone without a criminal record fail a background check? The only reasonable thing I could come up with to explain this is that the work experience I listed (my research experience) doesn’t count as work experience because instead of working for a salary, I worked for credit hours or a stipend. I have to tell myself things like this to convince myself I’m not getting screwed over in every facet of my life. If this is true, then my college experiences are doubly worthless because not only can the credentials I’ve earned not be used to get a job I’m more than qualified to do, but they can’t even get me a job you don’t even need a bachelor’s degree for.  


I wish I moved to LA after dropping out. If I stayed in Cali, I’d be force to move on with my life because I wouldn’t be able to sulk in my mother’s house for months. What would I do for work? idk...but I’d find something, and when I get fired, I’d just move on to the next dead end job.

As time went on, I found it easier to move, I still have scars though. Scars that may never heal. What can I do from here on out? I’m not sure. Going back to graduate school isn’t an option (or any program that requires letters of recommendations) because after experiencing what I’ve experienced and allowing those that I depended on for letters of rec to learn about my experiences, everyone seemed to be complicit. Either they didn’t do anything to change the course of action or it seemed like they were trying to cover it up by telling me to take the site down. I lost faith in everyone, I don’t think I can trust any of the profs to submit a letter of rec on my behalf when they either have done something that goes against my interests, are complicit in the wrong doing of others, or seem as though they’re attempting to cover up what happened to me. Even if I could get in anywhere, I still don’t want to go back to school. I lost faith in higher education. I lost faith in people. Whatever I do, I have to be able to do it without a college degree.

Just in case you’re wondering, I can’t depend on my college friends either. Mostly because I wasted no time trying to make friends. I’ve come to believe that friends are a worthless luxury.

I honestly believed that if I studied hard and knew my shit someone would hire me. I was wrong. I learned the hard way that to the outside world you are not you. You are not the sum total of your thoughts and actions. You are your skin color. You are your hair texture. You are the clothes you wear on your back. You are what people choose to believe you are. You are not you. People don’t care to get to know the people around them, they just want to feel as though their justified in believing the way they do. So I guess in order to get by in life you just need to be everyone’s friend and present yourself in such a way that everyone deems acceptable. Having the skills needed to do the job is more of an afterthought, huh? You know, one of the corollaries is that you’re expected to exhibit a certain level of extroversion. Welp, it just so happens to be the case that I’m an introvert and if the previous statements have some truth then I can honestly say this system was set up for me to fail. The only way I can get by in life is because I’m better than the other guy. No one will ever choose me because I’m their best friend.

I believe that’s where some of my problems stem from. When people see my face, they expect an extrovert (or at least someone who is more extroverted than me). When they find out I’m not who they want me to be, the reactions can range from essentially nothing, to mild disappointment, to mild hostility. And I think this is because people are more interested in the idea of me than actually getting to know me. So when they meet me and actually get to know me after building me up in their heads they’re kinda like “...oohh, this is it?!”. I don’t understand people. It’s like people just assume that you’re going to conform to their world view while refusing to even bend to yours. Now, I’m totally opposed to the very concept of “fitting in” because of all that. I got the sense “fitting in” means assimilation, which may involve losing qualities that make you unique (ones you may actually like about yourself). I don’t see why I should change in any way for people I don’t like, that I don’t see the benefit of being associated with, or for people that never liked me to begin with. People even sometimes mock my behavior, presumably because I’m not what they want me to be and this is just their way of trying to get me to conform.


The most recent example of this is my cousin Sonia (she’s multicultural). I went to her graduation party during the summer. And as with most family functions, it pretty much consisted of me sitting quietly most of the time. So fast forward to when it’s time to go home. My mother and 2/3 of my brother’s children are making their way to the car, noticing the third one is missing I go back for her. As I’m making my way up the front porch, three of my cousins (one of which is Sonia) are in my path and I say “watch out”. As I walk past Sonia, she says something along the lines of “woah, he must be serious....” while laughing... I’m going to say this once, “Mocking my behavior because I don’t act how you want me to act will never help anything”...... unless you’re actively trying to get me to dislike you. I have to remember that Sonia is just a child. Maybe it hadn’t dawn on her yet that there’s more to life than what she’s experienced. She’s probably never met a person like me, so she won’t know what to say in order to get me to interact with her. But then I’m like, “But what makes her think making herself look like an ass would actually help her in any capacity?” How does this explain the behavior of grown ass men and women who do the same thing?”. I wonder if it’s a cultural thing, and these people just don’t realize how bad they make themselves look to people that aren’t like them. 


On the way home, I started thinking, “Is this really the best I can do?”.  Have I been doomed to live a life where I’m not really happy? No, it can’t be the case. I still have faith. I may not have faith in other people anymore, but I still have faith in myself. I believe I can make something out of nothing, even if no one else does.

After going through all I’ve gone through, all I want is to not suffer anymore. I just want to be insanely rich for no reason. This won’t solve all my problems but it will eliminate many. If I ever come into having an ungodly amount of money, I’d give some of it to my family so they can afford many of the things that they want in life. Then I’d disappear, never to be seen or heard from again.


I’ve become acutely aware of the fact that people want to learn useless knowledge without ever having to talk to me.

DISCLAIMER: the knowledge is useless because we won’t/don’t have a relationship of any sort. Why waste your time learning information that isn’t relevant to your life?

So I’m going to take this opportunity to answers some personal questions because the thing I hated the most about you people is your unique combination of arrogance, ignorance, and obliviousness. While I can’t help with the arrogance and the obliviousness, I can help with your total lack of knowledge. So, without further ado ...

QUESTION TIME

Did you ever like life in Champaign county?

I was excited to be there in the beginning, then I met the people and all that excitement went away quick.

What’s your fondest memory from college?

That one time when Chipotle was doing that 2 for 1 deal. That was cold.

So, what’s up with your sexuality?

I don’t have sex because I don’t want to take the risk of having children, also no STDs. People were oddly obsessed with my sexuality and I never quite understood it. Here’s the thing, I’m a little self centered and I’m like you in the sense that I don’t immediately acknowledge other people’s way of thinking all the time. I honestly don’t understand why there was as much “interest” in knowing what I’m interested in (I use quotes because if people were actually interested they probably would have try talking to me). My viewpoint is that your claimed sexual orientation is irrelevant, it’s not even worth bring up in conversation. The reason why is simple. If you see a pretty girl and you know she’s interested in men, it doesn’t necessary mean she’s interested in you (assuming your male) right? That’s why the only thing that matters to me is whether or not the person I’m interested in is interested in me. 

It’s funny because if you completely ignore the fact that not everyone thinks like me, it would seem as though there were ALOT of dudes that wanted me to fuck them when I was in college.

To the people “interested” in knowing my sexual orientation. Ask yourself two questions. Do you want a shot? Do you think you have a shot? Think hard about it. If the answer to one of those questions is “no”, don’t waste your time.

If you haven’t already figured it out by now, I don’t think like a normal person. I’m never going to adjust or change to make you feel comfortable, the best thing I can do is not talk to you at all. I don’t adjust to you, you adjust to me. Why? because fuck you, that’s why.

Are you ever going to have sex?

Maybe, maybe not. What’s it to you?

Do you think people like you?

I know they don’t. Based off their actions, they don’t want to like me either. They’d spend less time gossiping about the negative characteristics I could have and more time actually getting to know me if they did.

You don’t think people know anything about you?

It all depends on what you think it means “to know”. Personally, I don’t. I’m never around people long enough for them to be able to get a true sense of who am I as a person. All people get are snapshots. Sadly, that isn’t good enough. That’s something I don’t think most people realize, actually.

What if after reading this, people actually started trying to get to know you, how would you react?

My recommendation is that you don’t waste your time. You can’t undo the damage that’s already been done. I’ve already stopped caring.

If you could go back in time and pick another college, which would you pick?

Xavier University in NOLA. I’d pick this HBCU because I’m fairly confident some of the problems I encountered at U of I wouldn’t have existed there.

Why did you choose UCI?

Because they told me I wasn’t going to make pass my first year.  I knew what type of student I was. I knew I had what it took to make it through any program. But I was at a low point in my life, where nothing seemed to be going right. I figure If I go there and get forced out after a year, it wouldn’t be my fault. The devastating thing is they let me get so close to graduating before just booting me out like they did.

Why did you use the word “they”?

Someone easily could have stepped in and did something. The department just enabled her (Suzanne Blum).

What grad program do you think you should have choose?

Indiana University or Rutgers probably would been better for me.

What motivates you to do well?

Meaningful positive reinforcement. Don’t just give out compliments for the sake of giving out compliments.

What’s one thing you hate most about people?

Their stupidity. Before I was told I failed the background check fro CPD. I’d get calls from some sort of case worker for CPD who was suppose to determine my eligibility. This dude asked me if I “resigned” from the Blum group and acted like that was a perfectly valid question. This wasn’t a job, it was a component of an academic program. I WAS A STUDENT. There was no resignation. You don’t resign from school. You either graduate, drop out, or get expelled. I know some college education is required for employment with CPD, so it’s far more likely that this guy is an idiot. REMEMBER GRAD SCHOOL IS STILL SCHOOL AND THERE ONLY 3 WAYS TO LEAVE.

Did you ever consider taking legal action?

Yes, but I know the people I’m dealing with aren’t above lying. Since there’s no physical evidence (that I have in my possession) proving that wrongs did occur, I’m reluctant to believe I’d actually win. It’s not smart to get into a “he said she said” battle with people that are believed to be pathological liars.

Are there any common misconceptions you’d like to clear up?

I wasn’t doing the school shit to make friends. I only wanted to make money. That’s the only reason why I was there, to make money. Every time someone why I as getting a PhD, my answer essentially went like, “I’m getting a PhD because money.” I see no point in trying to make friends with people who seemed to have been conditioned to dislike me.

Also, just because I’m quiet it doesn’t mean that I’m stuck up. It is in fact possible to be someone who isn’t a big talker.

Contrary to popular belief. I am in fact a HUMAN BEING. I have emotions and sometimes something could happen in one part of my life that can affect other parts of my life (like how well I do in school or how productive I am in lab).

Why did you just give up?

What’s the point of playing the game when you know you’ll never win.

It seems like the college years were a hard time for you, did you ever do something to ease the pain, like drugs or alcohol?

No, I love myself too much to potentially set myself up for problems later. I gave comedy a thought, but I found really hard to want to be funny when all I’m thinking about is the depressing shit that inspired the joke. If I’m gonna do something, it’s gonna be something were I don’t have to live with the consequences of my actions. I was suicidal. I was planning to kill myself the night before my thesis defense.

Why then?

I was fairly confident that no one there cared to save me from myself. But just in case someone wanted to surprise me, I figure it would be best to do when no one would expect it.

How?

potassium cyanide. The night before my defense I was going to make it my point to get a bottle of potassium cyanide. a couple months before my trip to Europe, I looked up who had it. It was on the fourth floor (or maybe the fifth). Go all the way down to the last lab space on the right hand side. When you walk into the lab space go along the right hand side and go through the door on your right. After that go to the first door on the right hand side. I placed a bottle on KCN in the first column on the left hand side, top shelf. The bottle should be on the wall on the left side (assuming it’s still in the same place I left it). I figured it wouldn’t get much use due to its inherent toxicity so it would probably be in the same place I left it when I needed it. I wouldn’t be surprise if the bottle is still in that exact spot.


Did you ever think about getting help?

From who? When I did finally ask for help, the first thing I was told was that the department sided with Blum (mind you this is before any type of investigation occurred). As soon as I posted the email from Chris Vanderwal on this blog, his tune changed immediately. But his actions didn’t reflect the words he put out in the public space. He was of no use. He had no interest in helping me in any capacity. I’m sure of it. I’m all alone in this world, I don’t have a safety net so if I fall, that’s my ass.

What about the professors from UIUC?

My previous statement stands. I had no one.

Is that why you started the blog? You felt like your were all alone and just wanted someone talk to, even if that someone was actually a void in space?

Yes, that’s exactly it.

Is that why you’re still posting, you still feel alone?

yes

But what about your family?

With them I’m a dependent not a provider. They’d be okay without me.

So have you really never sought out a therapist?

I couldn’t find steady work. I can’t afford it. Depression is a rich people disease. When you’re broke you’re just labeled as lazy.

What’s one thing you want everyone to know?

You shouldn’t let your assumptions or the assumptions of others affect how you treat me. Remember, you don’t know me. I could come to be your best friend, your faithful and supportive business partner, or the love of your life and you’d just let me slip away all because someone told you dislike me.

(Also, please don’t waste my time talking to me about all the typos I made)