#does not know how to comfort someone but points for trying

[anonymous-dentist]

Or: The Vampire Prince has run away from home. Coincidentally, a hot guy has passed out on Roier's doorstep.

For Day One of @ender-princee's QSMP AU Week! Idk how many of these I'm going to do, but I wanted to get at least this one done!

-

Since the death of his son, Roier has spent his days peacefully laying in the pond behind his house and watching the clouds. Sometimes he makes up stories for them, sometimes he fills his mouth with water and waits for his lungs to collapse, sometimes he imagines Jaiden on the shoreline sketching the clouds out with Bobby by her side.

It's pretty chill.

He's alone these days. Kinda? Technically, Jaiden lives with him, but he hasn't seen her since the Federation took Bobby away. He thinks that she has an apartment in the city now. Good for her, honestly. If the city makes her happy, then she should be there.

It's very quiet.

Roier's house is in the middle of the woods miles away from the nearest city. He's close to the border between the Human and Vampire Kingdoms, but he doesn't really get many visitors. And that's fine! Really! He doesn't need visitors, he has his pond, and he has his son's grave to talk to when he's lonely.

Every morning at the crack of dawn, Roier goes to the pond. He gets used to the water's temperature first, and then he flops into it face-first and sucks in enough water to make him choke. And then, once he's sputtering for air, he turns onto his back and coughs the water up and falls asleep. By mid-afternoon, he's inside and completely naked and drying his clothes out and trying not to remember what he shouldn't be. And then, in the evening, he's back in the pond just in case some polite water spirit wants to drown him, and then it's inside for bed.

This morning, though, is weird, because there's something blocking Roier's front door from the outside. After a bit of pushing and grumbling, Roier eventually manages to get the door open just to see... a man. A really attractive man: scars, facial hair, the works. A really attractive man just completely passed out and entirely unconscious on Roier's doorstep.

Roier looks at the man. He's pale- too pale to be human. And, adding in the slight point to his ears, that means that this guy? Vampire, 100-percent. So that's cool.

The sun is about to rise, so Roier decides to do his one good deed of the year, and he drags the vampire into his house. It's entirely too easy to do, the man's so light, but who's Roier to judge someone's eating habits when he's barely been making himself one meal a day since Bobby's death? Could be a similar circumstance, who knows?

Once the vampire is settled on a pile of old blankets near the stove, Roier stands up, cracks his neck, and heads outside to go wallow in the pond.

If there's one thing that Roier is besides a bad father and a brilliant chef, it's punctual.

-

It takes two days for the vampire to wake up, and Roier spends those two days in the pond floating and in the forest hunting. He thinks that vampires prefer fresh blood, but he also thinks that this guy won't care what kind of blood he gets after how long he's been passed out.

And he's right! The second the vampire is awake, he's beelining for the jug of deer blood on the table.

Roier, shirtless and drying his clothes by the fireplace after that morning's soak, hardly reacts to the poor guy guzzling down the blood like it's the first thing he's had to eat in days (mostly because it is the first thing he's had to eat in days.) He isn't naked if only for the vampire's comfort, even if it is a little uncomfortable sitting in wet clothes.

Once the vampire is full, he collapses onto a chair at the table with a groan. He leans back, throws his head back, covers his face with his hands, and groans again.

Me, too, Roier thinks.

(He and this vampire could probably be very good friends.)

"What the fuck?" the vampire moans.

Roier shrugs in response, not expecting to be noticed. Does the vampire even know he's there? Probably, vampires can hear heartbeats and stuff.

Eventually, the vampire looks at Roier through his fingers.

"Dude," is the first thing he says to Roier.

And then:

"Why are you shirtless?"

Now, Roier can't exactly say that he's trying to visit his (dead) son, so he just says, "Fell into the pond, man, what does it matter?"

And then, because he's a bit of an asshole, he teases, "What, are you shy?"

"No! I'm just confused!" the vampire quickly responds. "Like, okay. I fainted outside of your door, I guess? And then I wake up, and you're shirtless. It's just a lot, you know?"

Roier nods. "So you are shy. That's fine, I get it."

The vampire's hands fall from his face, and he looks at Roier with slight confusion, slight annoyance, all handsome.

"Where am I?" he asks.

"My house. We're, uhhh... two days' walk from the border? The nearest city is Quesadilla, that's four days' walk."

"Oh," the vampire quietly says.

He looks around the house curiously.

"And you're human?" he asks.

Roier grins. "Yep! Unless my dads have been keeping something from me, anyway."

The vampire lets out a quiet laugh. And then he winces and presses a hand to his ribs.

Roier politely turns back to the fireplace. None of his business...

"I hate to ask you this, but... can I stay here for a little while longer?" the vampire asks. He sounds pained- out of breath, very tense. "I... may have broken my ribs earlier. When I was. Mm, fuck! Out there."

It's very quiet in the woods now that Roier's son is dead and his co-parent is gone. Roier hates the quiet, but he can't really imagine anything else anymore. He doesn't want his guest asking questions when he sees Roier going outside at dawn.

But, like. He feels bad, okay? He remembers being all alone and hurt in the woods after what Spreen did to him, he knows the pain, he knows how fucking annoying it is to be running through a dark forest with a busted rib and a bleeding hole in his chest and back.

So he nods and says, "Sure, man. Stay however long you want. Just don't eat me, eh? I have people who'll miss me."

(He thinks.)

The vampire audibly rolls his eyes. "Vampires don't eat humans, but I guess I won't eat you. You don't look very tasty, anyway."

Hurt, Roier spins around to shout at him in protest with an, "Ayyy!!!", and thus begins what he's sure will be only the first of many arguments.

-

The vampire's name is Cellbit, and he doesn't ask questions. He sleeps for most of the day and spends his nights in the back garden tending to some wildflowers he's decided to cultivate or inside reading.

On his second day awake, he'd told Roier where he had hidden his bag before passing out, and he'd sent Roier to get it. Roier still doesn't know all of what's inside, but he does know that it's one of those special bags that are bigger on the inside, and that Cellbit has a couple of extra sets of clothes and a lot of books in it. He also has a couple of 'blood supplement pills' that are supposed to make him less hungry, but he says those are for emergencies because "they taste like shit".

Cellbit doesn't say anything about his personal life, and he doesn't explain why he ended up hiding his bag and passing out in the middle of the woods so close to the Vampire Kingdom's border with what has turned out to be several broken ribs and a broken fang and a sprained ankle and a black eye, but that's fine. Roier doesn't need to know, just like how Cellbit doesn't need to know all of Roier's baggage.

For Cellbit's sake, Roier doesn't strip naked in the afternoons when he's drying his clothes. Nah, he changes clothes and lets his wet ones dry outside in the sun. And then he lays outside and dries in the sun, and it's almost as relaxing as laying in the pond is.

It's still quiet, but there's a nice buzz in the background all day that almost reminds Roier of when times were better and his son wasn't dead.

Almost.

-

Just after sunset, Cellbit comes outside to water his flowers.

He lets out a pained breath as he kneels down next to them with his makeshift watering can: an old bowl with a hole cut in it, and an even older cup with holes punched to it stuck onto the side of the bowl.

Roier floats.

"You know," he says, "I can go into the city and get you some actual seeds if you're planning on sticking around."

"I thought you said the city was four days away?"

"Yeah, but it's not like I have anything else to do."

(It would give him an excuse to see Jaiden again.)

"Well. I don't need seeds. I like wildflowers for a reason. They get to just... be. No human intervention." A pause. "Or, well, vampire intervention."

Mmm, that sounds like a metaphor for something.

Cellbit waters his flowers. They're pink little things: ruffly like a skirt with white stripes and big, broad leaves. They're pretty, definitely something Tilín would have liked.

Roier's head bumps against the rocky wall of the pond. He grumbles and uses his hand to push himself back towards the pond's center where it's deepest.

"It's nice out here," Cellbit says. "Maybe I'll build a house here. We can be neighbors!"

Roier smiles at the thought. He moved out here with Jaiden and Bobby to get away from the city and all the bastards in it, but he wouldn't mind some company. He likes Cellbit, he thinks. Definitely neighbor-worthy.

...Though the house will be just that little bit quieter.

Maybe he and Cellbit can have their meals together. Or something.

Cellbit grunts as he stands, and then he hobbles over to the pond and sits down. He pulls his socks and shoes off and puts them next to him, he rolls his pants up to his knees, and then he sticks his feet in the water.

Roier gasps, "What, for free?"

He cackles as Cellbit kicks a wave of annoyed water at him. Some water gets in his mouth, but that's fine. Nothing he isn't used to.

-

Roier goes hunting twice a week so Cellbit has blood to eat. Drink? Feed from? Whatever.

He used to hunt more before he moved into the woods with his family. He and Spreen and Missa and Quackity and Mariana would all go out together to the outskirts of the city and see who could bag the biggest deer or the most rabbits, and it was awesome! Spreen always won, but that was just how it was.

Spreen always won.

Every time Roier carves the heart out of a deer and drains its blood, he pretends that it's Spreen's body beneath him. Spreen's final breaths- panicked and pained and pathetic. Spreen's heart- ugly. Spreen's hand holding his and Spreen's voice begging him to stop and Spreen's voice apologizing but not meaning it, never fucking meaning it, because he went too far and he didn't fucking care and-

And then Roier fills a jug with blood and brings it back to the house. Cellbit only needs to feed once a week, supposedly, but Roier likes having extra blood in the house just in case.

Cellbit seems to appreciate the thought, at least. He always brightens when Roier walks into the house with a fresh jug of blood, and he always tries helping Roier go hunting even though he can barely walk on his fucked-up ankle.

He's sweet. Roier almost doesn't want him to go, but he's going to, eventually.

They always do.

-

Roier needs to go into the city to stock up on medicines for the winter, and he tells Cellbit this and asks if Cellbit needs him to stock up on extra blood before he goes.

"I can just go with you," Cellbit replies. He rolls his ankle around in a small circle. "I'm feeling much better, and I want to get some actual gardening stuff."

'And I'll be lonely without you', Roier knows Cellbit's heart is saying, because his own is saying it, too.

...So maybe they're a little codependent already. But it's been almost two full months of them living together, and they're both two very attractive men, and they're both more than a little lonely.

Roier shrugs and agrees, and that's that.

Four days later, they're in Quesadilla, and Roier is at the pharmacy loading a basket full of everything he thinks he might need for the winter. He gets sick easily, and he gets sick often, and he does not want to die alone in a cabin in the woods during his first winter by himself. That would be embarrassing.

Cellbit is at the garden supplies shop down the road, so Roier is by himself as he waits in line to pay. And, because he's a nosy bitch, he listens as the women waiting in line in front of him gossip.

"It's been two months," one says, "he's definitely dead."

The other rolls her eyes. "Vampires can't die, idiot. He's probably just stuck in a dungeon somewhere."

"No, but he should be dead after what he's done," the first woman sniffs. "I hope the Federation dealt with him properly."

Roier stifles a wince at the mention of the Federation; ugh, he hates those guys!

"I don't know," the second woman sighs, "he is a prince. Are they even allowed to arrest princes?"

"See, this is why I'm glad the Human Kingdom has a council and a king. The Federation can arrest anybody breaking the law, and it'll be fine!"

"Well, at least he wasn't the heir to the throne. The Vampire Princess seems like a much more decent person."

"I mean, if our standards for 'decent' are if they're literally evil, then, sure, she's decent. Better than, uh... what did he do again?"

The second woman looks to the first in confusion. "I thought you knew?"

"I thought you did!"

Ignoring their arguing, Roier sneaks around them to cut in line and pay. Whoever they're talking about, Roier likes him. Anybody Cucurucho hates is a friend of Roier's!

-

Jaiden fills him in via a letter that arrives shortly after Roier and Cellbit return to the house. Roier reads it, and he tries not to look at Cellbit as he does so.

'So here's what I've heard,' the letter says. 'The Federation was interested in opening a branch in the Vampire Kingdom's capital city, and the king and queen were kind of into it. Their kids aren't, though. Princess Bagi wants to establish a more settled list of regulations- which Cucurucho is not into, by the way- and Prince Cellbit has been flat-out just arguing with Cucurucho and the other employees up there.

'But here's the thing, Prince Cellbit hasn't actually been seen in months! Cucurucho says that he's being 'dealt with' by his parents, but everybody knows that he's probably actually dead. It sucks for him, but I don't think he should've argued in the first place. I mean, the Federation does good work. If he hates it so much as to kill workers like everybody thinks he's been doing, then maybe he should be dealt with. Not by being killed, obviously, but maybe prison isn't too crazy. Hopefully that's where he ended up.

'Thanks for visiting, by the way. I missed you. I'll try and visit you before the first snow falls. I want to see Bobby one last time before the Solstice.'

Roier tosses the letter into the fire as soon as he's finished reading it.

-

By the time the first snow falls, Cellbit is fine. His ankle is better, his ribs are better, his eye is better. His fang is absolutely fucked, but he doesn't really need it if Roier is filling jars for him.

The pond, unfortunately, is frozen over. Roier sits by it the way he used to with Bobby back when they'd lace up their skates and get ready to go out onto the ice.

After a couple of minutes of dusk, Cellbit comes out to join him with a small smile. Their arms press into each other, and Roier fights the urge to rest his head on Cellbit's shoulder.

"This is my first winter away from home," Cellbit tells him.

"This is my first winter by myself," Roier tells him.

Cellbit looks mildly offended.

Roier smiles at him and gently nudges his side.

"By myself with you, gatinho," he teases. "How could I forget you?"

Cellbit looks positively regal in the snow. The way it settles in his hair looks like lace, his eyes are already as blue as ice. All he needs is a silvery crown, and he could be the Winter King from all the stories Roier heard when he was a kid.

He rolls his eyes and nudges Roier back.

Roier nudges him again.

Cellbit nudges him again, slightly harder.

Roier nudges him with his hands, pushing him over and into the snow.

Moments later, he's being tackled into the snow by a very chilly vampire. He's absolutely freezing, but his face is still very warm as Cellbit pins him down and looks into his eyes with a smile as wide as his handsome face.

Slowly, Cellbit leans his head down. At the same time, Roier props himself up on his elbows, raising his head to meet him. He moves on instinct, heart pounding, eyes fluttering shut.

Chapped lips brush against his, and Roier feels warm aaaalll over.

-

On the day of the Solstice, Roier visits Bobby's grave with a book. Every year, he and Jaiden and Bobby would snuggle together in Bobby's bed and read A Solstice Song to him; he never got into the Solstice spirit, but he loved the ghosts.

Roier clears the snow off of the bench by Bobby's tombstone. He sits, opens the book, and reads.

Hours later when he's finished, he's crawling into bed shivering and crying. He doesn't look at Cellbit, he doesn't do anything except shed his coat and hat and gloves and shoes and drop the book to the floor and get into bed.

A few very hesitant moments later, Cellbit joins him. He stay sitting up, though one of his hands finds its way into Roier's hair.

"'Fred was dead to begin with'," Cellbit reads, "'There is no doubt whatever about that. The register of his burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk,the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Elena signed it. And Elena’s name was good upon ’Change, for anything she chose to put her hand to.'"

Roier turns to hide his face in Cellbit's side, and he cries.

-

Spring comes, and Roier drains the pond to clean it.

It's as he's knee-deep in mud and dead leaves as the sun sets, and that's when Cellbit comes outside with a guilty look on his face.

"I haven't been totally honest with you," he says.

Roier sighs and sticks his shovel down into the much and leans against it.

"Is this about the Vampire Prince stuff?" he asks. "Because I don't care about any of that. You're my gatinho, and that's all that matters."

Cellbit's entire body freezes. He seems to think for a long, long moment before his shoulders start loosening.

"Oh," he says. He's smart, but he's also stupid. He didn't even give Roier a fake name, gods.

Roier takes pity on him and blows him a kiss that Cellbit gladly catches and pulls to his unbeating heart.

"I don't care what you did," Roier gently says. "I don't care what people say you did. I don't care if you're the prince or some homeless guy I took pity on, you're my Cellbit. As long as you don't hurt me, I don't care."

Cellbit's eyes widen immediately in panic. "What? No, never! I'd never hurt you! I'd hurt for you, but never you. Never."

Roier smiles at him. "See? Problem solved. Now, get a shovel, we need this cleaned and refilled before mid-spring."

Cellbit wrinkles his nose at the mess, but he goes to get his gardening shovel from the shed that he and Roier built.

"Why?" he asks. "What's in mid-spring?"

Roier swallows and looks up at the still-setting sun.

"Bobby's birthday," he answers.

He waves to the setting sun. Goodnight, sweet prince.

[slackerlifewhere]

Cale Henituse and Kim Rok Soo

After I posted yesterday, I saw an opinion that I kind of agree with about the difference between Cale Henituse and Kim Rok Soo.

I'm gonna say my opinion without trying to offend the whole fandom. Again, you can read fics about OG Cale as MC. I will not stop you just because I have my own opinion. You are free to read whatever you want. If you don't agree with this, it's fine and if you do, don't antagonize or attack the fanfiction authors who made these fics. Let them do their own thing, okay?

This post is not a rant but me sharing my own thoughts and opinions about this topic.

To make this easier, I'll call OG Cale as Cale and OG KRS as KRS.

[✋SPOILERS for the first part of the novel✋]

Some say that Cale Henituse and Kim Rok Soo are the same person. While I don't know if this is true because I haven't read the second part of the novel yet, in my opinion, they are not the same.

Again, I repeat, I like Cale Henituse. He's very intelligent and kind to Basen to the point of destroying his own reputation, he targets thugs and scammers whenever he's "drunk", he's willing to sacrifice his whole identity in order to save his world after surviving for twenty years by himself. He's a complex character and in another world, if given the chance, he would've been a great MC.

But that's the thing, he is not the MC of TCF, Kim Rok Soo is. And I think some fans forget the reason why Kim Rok Soo became the MC and not Cale Henituse. Because in some fics that I see whenever I scroll down to look for something to read, Cale completely replaces KRS' presence in the story, to the point that he doesn't exist anymore.

Let me explain.

Kim Rok Soo

Kim Rok Soo is a very integral part of the story. You can't easily replace him with another person, normal or otherwise, and expect the story to go the same way it did in the novel. He did things his way because he's a chaotic little shit. He's a different person from Cale, no matter how many or few similarities they both have.

It's not because he's simply smart or OP (as some would say) that he won a war that ended in only two years, but it's also because of his past and the bonds he made as himself.

He's a person full of empathy for these people that he meets wherever he goes, regardless whether he knows them from a book or not, because he understands them and their pain. He does not hide his personality and in a way, his charisma attracts these people who see him for who he is, a kind person.

Kim Rok Soo is different because he survived in an apocalypse by himself until he meets Lee Soo Hyuk and Choi Jung Soo. Plus, he did not have a great childhood. He was abused and lived by himself for the rest of his childhood and teenage years because of a curse (or maybe because his uncle is just a shitty person, who knows).

The opinions he has and the way he thinks are shaped by his own experiences. He is the Kim Rok Soo we see in the novel because he grew up under these circumstances.

To say that he's easily replaceable would be too disrespectful to the sacrifices he made as both Kim Rok Soo and Cale Henituse.

Cale Henituse

Cale, on the other hand, is different. He lived alone for how many years because he deliberately pushed everyone away because of his grief and after what Jour told him. It's not because of a curse that he became this way but because he chose to.

Yes, everyone he knows should've tried to make an effort by comforting him or talking with him (his family, the nobles he's close to, Ron and Beacrox) but that did not happen because he's the one who chose to live like this. I've mentioned it in my post about Deruth but if a person doesn't want comfort or doesn't want to talk, they will not talk, especially someone as stubborn as Cale. To blame all these people (including the kids) and the rest of the world because of his own choice is simply not right or fair since the only one responsible to actually help him is Deruth. Violan is not given this chance nor did she try as his stepmother but it all comes down to Deruth. But of course, he did not get any help nor did he seek any.

He lived his years shrouded in grief until the very end. He's a kind person but unfortunately, life is not kind to him.

Later, he survives in the war until the White Star kills him. What did he choose to do in the end when he made that deal with the God of Death? To return to the past so he can save everyone? No. Instead, he chose to go to KRS' world to find his mother. If CJS were given the chance to decline a proposal, why didn't Cale? He could've said he'll do it himself but instead, he left it to KRS. We all know he's stubborn enough to ruin his reputation, is he not stubborn enough to make a deal to save his world as himself?

You can argue it's maybe because the God of Death didn't give him the chance to argue with it but there are other ways the god could've sent KRS to this world. Like Choi Han or Choi Jung Soo.

Choi Jung Soo

Choi Jung Soo is a prime example of what could've and couldn't have happened if he agreed with the God of Death's proposal. He is not KRS. He has his own opinions and experiences that make him unique. He is not like Choi Han who drowned in his despair in TBoaH but instead, is a man who wants to survive with his friends (brothers) and smile with them despite the pain he suffers in.

If he were to replace KRS, the story would've gone differently. He might find Choi Han and they would do their best to survive in this new world together. He may or may not find Raon and the kittens, depending on the time and location when he arrives in this world. Alberu may or may not completely trust him like how he didn't completely trust Choi Han in TBoaH because unlike KRS who is too similar with Alberu, CJS is different. He might not look for the ancient powers since he has his own ability, leaving some that the White Star could've taken like the Sky Eating Water and Super Rock. In fact, the shield could've been left at the tree unless CJS knows about it and takes it. (Let me remind you that no one in this world knows there's an ancient power in that tree in the Henituse territory.)

I can list down things he could've or couldn't have done but it might be too long.

But my point is, it could've been Cale, Alberu, or Choi Han who were sent to the past but the story would've gone differently because these people are all different in their own ways. Heck, if the God of Death truly wants to save this world, he could've sent back Choi Han or Alberu instead of Cale. Because these two are also powerful in their own ways that do not need the help of ancient powers. Just give them enough information and they could've ended the war faster than twenty years.

Conclusion

So, yeah. Kim Rok Soo became the main character for several reasons. He was an ability user and team leader back in his world, he has the curse attached to him because of the White Star, he was an abused kid who had a sad childhood.

And I think there are other reasons why, if KRS is not the MC, that the story could've ended differently. Put aside Raon who is powerful and has a connection to Sheritt and the Dragon Slayers and would be integral to the story, On and Hong could've died with no one knowing about them because they were barely mentioned in the books. Mary could've stayed in the City of Life because no one would need her to help Ron. Hannah and Jack could've died because no one would've known that they were killed. Paseton has a chance to live but no one knows where he is.

Some characters would live and some would die if Kim Rok Soo is not the main character. That's basically what I think about all of this.

The reason why they survived, aside from the books, is because Kim Rok Soo's heart is so big that he wants to help people or give them the chance to survive. Some people would ignore or not notice these people because they have their own problems to deal with.

But Kim Rok Soo just wants to live. And I think that's why the story went the way it did.

Kim Rok Soo, the man who became Cale. His life motto was pretty simple.

Living long without pain. Enjoying the small joys of life.

Living a peaceful life.

- Chapter 2: When I Opened My Eyes

Again, I'm not stopping you from reading these fics nor am I telling you to attack fanfic authors because of what they write. This whole post is just me sharing my opinion.

You don't have to agree with anything I said. You can ignore this and read whatever you want to read.

This is not a post undermining or disrespecting what Cale sacrificed and felt as a person. This is a post to share my opinion that Cale and Kim Rok Soo both deserve the respect that they should get for everything they did and to not completely erase a character for the other. But if someone does it, then I can't do anything about it.

As a Mob Psycho 100 fan, I will end this with one line that perfectly summarizes what I think about this topic.

Your life is your own.

[sockatoo-rob]

after seeing a bunch of stuff in the fandom related to how touch-starved ragatha really is, i just had to go back and count every time she touches herself or looks like she wants to touch someone else in episode two. and guess. just guess.

i counted eleven different times on-screen that she's rubbing her own arm, fiddling with/ holding her own hands, hugging herself, etc. eleven times is way more than i was expecting (i was thinking five at first) but it's literally almost every time she's on screen. and i didn't count how eager she was to take princess loolilalu's hands in her own.

and i also felt obligated to overanalyze the way pomni acts, especially around gummigoo... this is more about ragatha though i think? idk either way this will be long so buckle up and grab some popcorn

------

ragatha is the kind of woman to need to be touched, with every fiber of her being, but never ask for it, because she doesn't want to bother anyone. she needs physical affection, and she would accept it from literally anyone, but she also needs people to like her. she needs people to rely on her. ragatha stays optimistic to a scarily unhealthy degree jist to make sure no one hates her. and somehow it works.

she doesn't ever cross anyone's boundaries, she doesn't dare even imply that she wants to, even though she needs it more than anything. she just projects her insecurity and self-loathing in the form of "cupcakes and sprinkles and petting kitty-cats" and "if you're feeling sad just do a little dance!!" like girl is suppressing so much... the mass of all her suppressed emotions has ti have become a singularity by now.

anyway, with pomni canonically just disliking being touched, ragatha only suffers more. she seems like she's attached herself to pomni, in a sense? she's desperate to try and make pomni feel extra comfortable, for some reason. and i think i know why.

all the other members of the circus already know her. she already knows what they think of her to an extent, and she already knows how much or little her happy-go-lucky demeanor does for them all. and no one there seems to really be a genuine friend to her other than kinger. and, y'know, he's... kinger.

so ragatha has no one to really confide in, and i assume no one else confides in her other than the occasional need for encouragement or reassurance. and as previously stated, she needs people to lean on her.

then pomni shows up! and she seems like a somewhat nice person. so ragatha tries her absolute hardest to get pomni to like her. because no one else in the circus seems to care.

this dynamic seems like such a good opportunity for gut-wrenching angst and tension. maybe even a horrible scene in which ragatha tries to make pomni feel better with her debilitatingly unhealthy and unrealistic optimism im a situation that absolutely does mot call for it-- and pomni just can't deal with it anymore. because she's smart enough to know that ragatha is only using it as a decoy and a tool to hide something deep, dark, terrible, within her... and snaps at her.

full-on yelling, pointing, walking towards her all in a blind, devastating rage, because pomni is smart enough to see that it's just a way to get her self-worth from somewhere other than herself, and that it's all a facade, and she hates that ragatha thinks that's the only reason people care about her... and ragatha is dumbfounded, because in her entire life, in and out of the circus, no one has ever been able to see through it. not a single soul.

this eventually leads to a heart-to-heart, and apologies, truths, lies, and everything in-between fall out of their mouths like waterfalls. and it all leads to the best friendship either of them have ever had.

pomni is no therapist, no professional. but she's been through some bad places before, as seen in ep 2 with her conversation with gummigoo. sometimes we just need to be realistic about things, and acknowledge that things aren't okay. and pomni seems like she can keep things real. which is something ragatha desperately needs.

and when pomni is about to explode from the insanity of the world, ragatha can be there as comfort and reassurance, because pomni's always drowning in the bad possibilities so much and being so skeptical of everything that it's debilitating. ragatha can see the bright side of things no matter what (even if it's unhealthy most times), and with pomni seeming like an overall more down-to-earth person, they can balance things out really well. ragatha's got the heart to keep everyone's spirits high, and pomni can stay real with everyone to make sure they're prepared for whatever might come barreling towards them. i think this is what makes them so perfect for each other.

and the connection, the deep emotional understanding of each other leads to something... more.... homosexual. yeah i'm a chronic jesterdoll shipper of course it would lead to this

---

all the funny ha-ha aside, this dynamic is so fun to brainstorm about. i'm in love with how deep this could get. some of this might be pretty far from cannon, as only episode two is out when i write this, but i'm trying to interpret their characters as accurately as possible from what little we have so far. i think i did pretty well for a random gay bird with internet access

i'm half-tempted to incorporate a scene like this into my au. like it's soooo juicy i love it i want to write it i need to see it realized

[the-case-book-of-fanfiction]

Walking Corpses

Love Bites, Chapter 2 // Love Bites {Masterlist}

Ship: Astarion Ancunin x fem!vampire spawn!elf!Tav/reader

Summary: Astarion's night spent searching for prey is interrupted by an unwelcome feeling of familiarity. Your life is derailed by recognizing a long-dead friend.

Word Count: 4,413 words

Warnings: largely 18+, mature language, switching perspectives, flashback/now in the timeline a majority of the story takes place, alcohol, reader is a bartender, Astarion luring people, a victim of Astarion's, non-descriptive non/dub-con (Astarion luring), Astarion's trauma, you remember things, Astarion trying to make the best of his shitty situation, Astarion has memory struggles

Note: Please make note of the dub-con content warning! If you're here, I'm assuming you know Astarion's past, so you know what that entails. This chapter has that, including Astarion's thought process in choosing a victim and how he lures them into sleeping with him. As always, please be mindful of your own comfort level while reading and take care of yourselves, loves!

☟ Continue below the fold ☟

Astarion drummed his fingers against the rough wood of the table he sat at, a hardly-touched glass of wine in front of him. He was stretched languidly across two seats and garnering plenty of attention for it—but most of his onlookers were below his standards. If Cazador was going to demand to be fed nightly, and for Astarion to fetch his meals with his body, the elf was at least going to choose people worthy of his person. 

He was, however, getting antsy. He’d already been in the tavern for too long. Several hours, at least, without moving much and dismissing anyone who looked at him for too long with his eyes when they didn’t suit his purposes.

Tonight was one of his “picky nights,” as he thought of them: nights when people he might normally go for to bring home to his master seemed…less, somehow. Astarion had always had standards for who he let touch his body, but on nights like this, the thought of anyone touching him (no matter how attractive, no matter how perfect) made his skin crawl even more than normal. 

But he was running out of time. This was the second tavern he’d visited tonight. Dawn was approaching quickly. He still had enough time to bed someone and bring them back, but only if he chose someone soon. 

It didn’t help that the longer he waited to choose his victim, the harder it got for him to, well, bite the bullet and just choose someone. He started to panic the closer to dawn it got while he remained alone, and it always stopped him from making a choice, despite—or perhaps because of—the building pressure and the growing fear of what Cazador would do to him if he came back empty-handed.

Why is it always me? The thought came to Astarion’s mind unbidden. Why is it always my victims he wants? My siblings bring back their own prey every night. Why does he need each of us to feed him?

Astarion shut out the anger. It never helped. He already knew the answers: Cazador was a glutton, Cazador taunted them with food they could never have, Cazador liked to feed in excess, Cazador lived in opulence and that opulence included the blood of his victims (that he never caught) everywhere. Or at least, these were the answers he and his siblings had speculated on, back before Cazador had turned them on each other. That was years ago—from the very beginning, when Astarion was new and there were just a few of them—

The memory fades into thin air. At this point, Astarion wasn’t sure if he was doing it to himself, forcing himself not to remember, or if two hundred years spent crushed under Cazador’s heel was wearing away at his memory. He wasn’t sure if he even cared to know the answer. 

Very suddenly, Astarion was aware of eyes on him—piercing and amazed. He made a show of leaning back in his seat, taking a long gulp from his wine goblet, and found his watcher. A young man, a human, little more than a boy compared to Astarion. He was tall, possibly taller than Astarion, and very lean, his body covered in tight brown leather. There was a broadsword at his side and a tall mug in front of him. He was surrounded by friends, all laughing and joking, but his gaze was fixed on Astarion. 

Gods, he was handsome. A little more rugged than the type Astarion usually lured in, but he couldn’t complain. Astarion hadn’t even acknowledged him and this boy was already in his web. 

Astarion let his eye linger on the young man, taking in his body and well-kept sandy hair before meeting deep brown eyes and smirking. A blush appeared on the man’s face, helped by the liquor in his veins. 

Astarion’s fingers itched. He took another sip of wine and licked his lips, watching the way the boy’s eyes practically rolled into the back of his head. The boy shifted in his seat and Astarion couldn’t contain his smirk; this one would be easy to drag away with the promise of hot kisses and a quick romp. And he was healthy, too, which would only please Cazador more.

But he paused. If the boy was as healthy as he smelled, and if he could really use that broadsword, he would be strong—much stronger than Astarion. If there were any faults of his own that Astarion was willing to acknowledge, it was that he was…fragile, to put it nicely. This man could easily overpower him if he realized what Astarion was doing. He could be dangerous.

And his current company—the friends he was with looked just as strong, just as deadly. If they were sober enough to keep tabs on their drunk friend, or even just enough to remember Astarion’s face the next morning, they could come after him.

He was an option, Astarion decided, but not quite what he was looking for. Still, he adjusted in his seat, gently eased his hips forward, and glanced at the boy out of the corner of his eye. Astarion was a master at this; he could easily keep the boy entertained while he looked for other contenders for the night. 

The tiefling standing at the bar was an option—she was tiny and lithe and looked out of place, almost nervous, but she looked like she promised a good fuck at the very least. She, too, was with friends, except her group paid little attention to her. They were beyond drunk and several of them were getting handsy with each other. But she was still sipping on the same glass she’d originally been handed by the bartender, who was a tiefling who looked very similar to her. Siblings, perhaps. It was never a safe bet to go after anyone who would be missed. Yet another option, but not a promise. 

The door to the tavern opened once more. Astarion looked toward it, hoping for easy prey to be walking in, and his eyes were blessed by perhaps the most beautiful creature he’d ever seen—although he was certainly biased, because it was another elf. And elves were always breathtaking to Astarion.

But you…you were exquisite anyway. Though he couldn’t put his finger on what about you made you such a darling, something about you set you apart from other elves. Even the ones he had charmed into his pants time and time again.

You seemed to glow with an innate, foreign happiness that felt, to Astarion, like an old friend he’d been blindsided by glimpsing in a crowded street. 

Astarion watched you switch places with the tiefling bartender behind the bar, exchanging a cheery “Hello!” loud enough to be heard over the din of the tavern. Your hair swished alongside your back, half of it down and half in braids, and when it fell across your face you gently blew it out of your eyes. Gods, you were like the heroine of a romance novel out of his mostly-forgotten past. 

Your tiefling coworker left, taking the nervous one Astarion had been eyeing with them. You waved them goodbye and turned your attention to the others sitting on the barstools, leaning over conspiratorially and offering them drinks and refills.

Astarion smirked. He knew a fellow performer when he saw one. You were doing everything you could for coin. You didn’t need makeup, but you’d done some, enough to highlight your eyes and your cheekbones. Your shirt was low and open just enough to expose some of your chest, but not all of it, keeping some of the mystery. You wore a corset to plump up your chest, and the way you moved helped you keep it in the view of your clients. Even your hair was styled to make you even more attractive than you naturally were. You might have been a different type of servicing performer, but you were one nonetheless.

Astarion’s gaze slid back to the young man. He had gone back to talking with his friends, but kept glancing over at Astarion. He caught the man’s eye and dropped one hand below his table, adjusting his pants in one of the most obvious ways he knew. He could feel the stretch of his pants against his cock and knew that its outline was visible. The young man’s eyes went wide and another deep, involuntary blush appeared on his cheeks. 

With his prey still invested in the possibility of a good night, Astarion turned his gaze back to you and was startled to find you looking in his direction, your face fixed in soft concentration. When you saw him looking, you offered him the kind smile of a bartender who knew her job was to listen to the woes of her patrons, and went back to mixing a sparkling pink cocktail. But Astarion’s eyes remained on you.

Somehow, you were familiar. The details of your face seemed natural, calming, someone he could trust. He felt a very sudden, very strong urge to go sit at your bar and talk. He wanted to put his head down and drink a glass of something you concocted for him and tell you everything while you nodded sympathetically with that soft smile of pure understanding on your face. 

You were the kind of person he avoided going after as victims, usually. It was people like you that he saw and tried and failed to seduce. It wasn’t just that you were a woman, either, though Astarion knew there were certainly times when he was rubbish at talking to women he found genuinely attractive. But it would be your kindness that made it that much harder to manipulate you.

Still…

Astarion considered it. Gods damn him, he considered sidling up to your bar, taking a seat, flirting with you, bedding you, bringing you back to Cazador. The thought of Cazador brought a sour taste to his mouth. Even if he was pleased with Astarion for bringing you back, Cazador would tease him endlessly about bringing back a pretty elf. “Have you brought me the one you wish for your wife, boy?” he might say, before he bit you and made Astarion listen to you scream. 

He barely kept back his shudder, trying to banish the thought from his mind. But the plan still formed. He knew exactly what he’d do and say. He’d start with a cheesy pickup line you’d probably heard a dozen times as a bartender, he’d ask you to make you a drink of your choice for him, he’d compliment the drink you made, regardless of how it tasted to his dead senses. Then, as he drank, he’d let his lips loosen. He’d tell you just enough truth to tug on your heartstrings and believe him. And as he talked to you about his sob story past, he’d talk to you with honeyed words and look at you with sad, sad eyes. 

And you’d be hooked. He’d make sure there was something about him that stood out from the usual sob stories that found themselves washed up at your bar. With any luck, he would be just the type of elf you found yourself mooning over, and, one way or another, one of you would end up on your back for the other. Honestly, Astarion wasn’t sure which sounded better. 

It was strange, he realized very suddenly, that a high elf such as yourself would be a bartender. It was a strange, monotonous job for creatures like you and him, with such long lifespans. Why did you do it? There had to be something in it for you. 

Astarion grimaced. There was yet another reason he should avoid you. If he was invested in you, asking questions about you, he could easily be dissuaded from taking you back to Cazador. In fact, he was quite certain—for no particular reason—that you could dissuade him from many things. Enough to end up locked in tight walls of stone once again.

No. Never again. He’d leave you alone, admire you from afar, and let you live your life. The boy would do for the night. 

Astarion made eye contact with the young man. The boy jumped and his eyes grew wide. Astarion smiled at him, swirling his wine in his glass, and let his tongue touch and caress the rim of the glass before he took a sip. The boy whimpered and shifted in his seat. Astarion spread his legs a little more, thrust his hips up a little, and then cocked his head to the side: a clear offer for the young man to take.

Me? the boy mouthed. Astarion nodded, confirming with a salaciously whispered, You.

He glanced at his friends and shot Astarion a look that could only mean “give me one moment.” Astarion tilted his head back and drained his glass while the boy took care of his companions. A moment later, a shadow loomed over Astarion. He glanced up from his empty glass to see the young man. 

Astarion grinned. “Hello, darling,” he said, voice smooth. He reveled in the way the young man blushed at just the sound of it. “Pleasure to see you.” He stood and found himself nearly eye-level with the young man. He was just slightly taller than Astarion, but not enough to give himself an advantage, should the night go terribly wrong. 

“Where do you want to go?” the young man breathed, clearly excited. How long is it since this man last got laid? Astarion wondered. But he knew it didn’t matter; this would be the boy’s last night alive. 

“Wherever we can,” Astarion answered. “Perhaps…your place?”

The man nodded eagerly. “I— Yes. I’d like that.”

Astarion let the man take his hand. “Lead the way,” he purred, giving the man a quick once-over. 

He was quick to drag Astarion out of the tavern. When the door closed behind them, Astarion caught sight of you watching, both eyebrows raised, before you shook your head and returned to polishing a glass. 

It was a short walk to the man’s house. Within seconds of the door closing behind them, after Astarion had made a show of teasing the boy into letting him in, Astarion found himself pressed against the door with a pair of warm, soft lips on his own. 

For a moment, he enjoyed it. The boy was clearly inexperienced and nervous—his kiss was incredibly light and he seemed hesitant to put his hands on Astarion. Perhaps it would be a bearable night. 

Astarion cupped the boy’s face to deepen the kiss. The whimper he let out was meek—and the complete opposite of the hand that slid to the front of Astarion’s pants. All hope that tonight would be gentle disappeared from Astarion’s mind as the man’s hand squeezed around Astarion. He hissed and forced himself to buck into the hand that held him.

You want rough? I can do rough.

Everything in Astarion’s body seemed to switch. The gentility he’d been hoping for became rough and harsh, and his body was preparing for it, even as his mind began to turn off. 

One thing led to another. It passed by in a blur in Astarion’s mind: tripping up the stairs, laughing as they fell onto a bed covered in animal furs, tearing off clothes and leaving them in heaps on the floor. It was only when Astarion was naked on his back that he briefly came to again, the man grunting and groaning above him.

“My name,” he was saying. “Say my name.”

Shit. I hate it when they tell me their names.

Astarion bit back a harsh laugh. “Sorry—didn’t catch it.” Hell, he wasn’t even sure what moniker he’d taken to calling the man. It could have been anything. Lover, darling, sweet, pet, there were so many sweet things he’d learned to use. Half the time, he had no idea what he’d even said to his victims while they used him.

The man leaned down and both their bodies shuddered as he hit a spot within Astarion’s body that made him cry out. “Rahul,” he whispered in Astarion’s ear. “My name is Rahul.”

Astarion draped his arm over his shoulders. “Alright,” he whispered. “Come on, Rahul. Give me more. I can take it.”

It was harder to get out of it after that. There was a name to put to this man’s face and now, without wanting to, Astarion was memorizing it. He was committing Rahul to memory, allowing him to become another face in a very long roster of people who came to torment him in his dreams. 

Somehow, Astarion forced his mind to shut off. The night passed in a blur, Rahul’s shout of ecstasy combining with his shout of pain as Cazador drained him dry when Astarion returned, several hours before dawn, with his prize. 

“Cutting it close, boy,” Cazador said, looking down at Astarion when Rahul had been drained enough to stop struggling. “But this one will do.”

Cazador dismissed Astarion and his siblings from the room with a flick of his fingers. They bowed themselves out and as the door closed behind them, Astarion watched Cazador sink his teeth back into Rahul’s neck. 

~❊~

Dawn was blooming on the horizon by the time you managed to kick out the last of your patrons. As you shut the door behind the last of them—a group of drunk, rowdy warriors—you took a long look at the lightening horizon. It looked almost like a bruise, blacks fading into blues and purples. 

The silence in the tavern was deafening. This was always your least favorite part of working in it: closing up in the morning, sweeping up the remnants of the night for an hour, feeling terribly alone all the while.

It was the bartender’s burden, you liked to think, to be everyone’s friend and the person who kept the loneliness at bay for everyone else. You listened to their lives and their problems, offered them a drink and sometimes advice, and waved them away with their hearts lighter and yours much heavier with their troubles. It was a bit like therapy—though possibly a tad unhealthier, given all the alcohol you plied your clients. 

But your mind was elsewhere tonight. Lingering in the back of your mind, behind the annoyance of cleaning up sticky, spilled liquor, behind Tani’s complaints about her husband’s lost job, behind Nanorian’s despair over his accidentally broken oath, was the pale elf you’d seen loitering in the shadows of your tavern.

Most people didn’t make that much of an impression on you. You had your regulars, that was for sure, but travelers came through all the time, each more wild than the last. This elf was hardly the most outlandish person you’d ever seen. In fact, he was probably one of the more subdued ones. But you remembered him—and everything he’d done throughout the night as you watched, your eyes drawn again and again to his figure—more clearly than the conversation you’d had with one of your regulars: Nethyis, a tiefling with whom you had the same conversation nearly every single night.

You knew him. Or you thought you did. If you didn’t so frequently imagine you saw the elf you’d grown to love in just thirty-nine short years (so much so that you’d seen him nearly every day of your life for two hundred years), you would have believed he’d suddenly come back from the dead. 

That had been your first thought the first time you’d seen him, several weeks after his death. It was just a glimpse—a flash of his white hair and the flutter of his magisterial robes—in a very crowded street. Your shout of “Astarion!” hadn’t reached him, but it had certainly made the crowd around you whisper their sympathies. He was there one minute, gone the next, just as it had happened the day two officials had told you he’d been killed. 

Absent-mindedly, you wandered over to the table the elf had been sitting at. You stared at it as if you expected your long-dead friend to materialize once more, tell you to sit down and have a drink with him, and launch into a tirade about his terrible day at work in the courts. Such nights had once been frequent—although never in a tavern, always in the house you shared. 

You had only noticed him when you’d arrived at work because he was staring at you first. You’d gotten very good at noticing when faces were turned toward the bar—though usually a hand was also raised to signify they wanted another drink—and had looked on pure instinct to see if he needed something from you.

The minute you locked eyes with him, you’d felt your heart fall straight through the floor beneath your feet. With his face turned toward you, so open and almost peaceful, it felt like looking into the face of the man you loved once again, a feeling you had missed these many, many years. 

It only lasted a second, that feeling of love. Where Astarion would have given you that dashing, cavalier smile you had grown so fond of as a child, this elf just stared as if he was trying to place you in his memory. You’d gotten ahold of yourself then, offering him the same bland smile you offered all your customers, and went back to work.

But just for a moment…you’d had your beloved back.

You practically fell into the chair across from the one he’d occupied just hours before, your knees giving out without warning. A strangled sob made its way out of your throat. And even though you were alone, you covered your mouth with a hand to stifle your cries. 

“Oh, gods,” you gasped when you finally had enough breath to do so. Your hot tears rolled down your cheeks and splattered against the table’s scorched and stabbed surface. You rested your head against it and imagined you felt Astarion’s gentle hand covering your own.

Two-hundred years of this. And you’d been doing so well! You still saw him every day, usually sitting and reading in a corner or smiling at you from a window while you worked or making snide comments about your clients, but you knew he was just in your head. You knew you were coping with losing him by envisioning he was still by your side. It didn’t impede your work; in fact, it comforted you, like his ghost was lingering to keep you safe. You’d stopped sobbing about losing him so suddenly. (Mostly. There were still days where your body ached from the heartbreak and your soul screamed with the pain. But those were few and far between now.)

Yet all it took was a single, handsome stranger who looked something like your Astarion, and you lost it.

Well, you had to give yourself some credit—at least you hadn’t burst into tears the moment you saw him from your bar, even though you had really wanted to. 

You took deep breaths until the sobs and shudders passed you by. You picked up the goblet he’d been drinking from and wiped down the table. Honestly, you should have done this the minute he’d left, but the people in the tavern had already been dwindling by that time, and you’d suspected something like this might happen when you walked over.

“I was due for a breakdown,” you mumbled to yourself. 

The elf had certainly looked like Astarion. He almost perfectly matched the memory you had of the sun elf you had known in his very, very short lifetime. A lithe figure, high cheekbones, deep smile lines from his years spent laughing, perfectly styled silver hair. You hadn’t gotten a good look at his eyes, but you’d already pictured them to be a honeyed yellow, perfectly golden when the sun hit them just right—just like Astarion’s eyes. 

You sighed and shook your head. How could you be so sure that the pale elf looked anything like Astarion? Maybe you’d seen the hair and close-enough facial features and had, in your mind’s eye, made him into your Astarion. It wouldn’t have been the first time it had happened.

Gods, you wouldn’t be going into an easy trance today. Even if you did, it wouldn’t be restful; you’d lay awake, cursed to picture Astarion every time you closed your eyes, and he would be the only memory you re-lived. 

You cleaned up the rest of the tavern only half-aware of what you were doing. You were lost in your head, feeling stuck both inside and outside of your body. 

The memories you had been trancing to save since he died crowded your thoughts: the two of you as children, chasing each other through crowded streets while both of your parents shouted for you to slow down; Astarion bandaging your hands after you’d burned them; staying up for hours to help him study for law school; drunkenly kissing each other at an elvish festival; sharing a bed on a trip you’d joined him on and cuddling through the night, talking through your complicated feelings for each other; screaming his name at his graduation; watching him get dressed for his first court case; going out to dinner together and holding hands across the table; Astarion drinking away his sorrows in your tavern after a particularly rough case; covering the little love bites you left on him before he left for work, both of you giggling as you did.

Tears spilled over the next time you blinked. You wiped them off your cheeks and closed up the tavern, extinguishing candles and lamps, locking the door behind you when you left. 

You walked in silence, veering off your path home to enter the cemetery. You found his grave with the ease of someone who had walked the path a thousand times. You’d probably walked it more than that, in fact.

It was heartbreakingly beautiful. You’d always thought that. His stone was simple but elegant, just as the man himself had been. You crouched before it and kissed his name, a tear somehow still escaping your closed eyes. You rubbed the top of the stone like you had once rubbed his back. 

“I miss you,” you whispered to the stone. “Rest easy, my love, for me. I’ll be with you one day.” You kissed the stone again, then pressed your forehead to it, as if you were pressing your forehead to his. “Sleep well, Astarion.”

☞ ❊ ☜

[Image Caption: I do not give permission to repost, translate, or publish my work on any other site or app by anyone except myself. I do not give permission for my work to be fed into AI (for audio, art, or writing).]

Baldur's Gate 3 // Astarion Ancunin

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[zeevoidlight]

what's the deal with these two...

Seriously. Why is the suspicion and joking of their bromance even a thing that exists (outside of just shipping for shipping's sake and ppl making every male friendship a secretly frustrated gay relationship). Is it even a thing?

Do I ship Goku and Vegeta?... yes.. yes I do, I confess myself as part of the problem. But I feel is fair that in a show like Dragon Ball where there's sexually mature references and themes at times I can give myself the freedom to wonder. So i'mmana talk about two pivotal moments that marked a before and after for both of them together as a team: their Majin saga match and the fusion.

//////

As far as the show goes, there's not really much to go off of. They clearly both have their wives whom they both love very much, children, they love to battle and test themselves, they are bros (now at least), rivals for life, they better each other by challenging one another to get better.

On the other hand my autism tells me that that's not the whole story. Because I normally don't like to take things at face value when i can see more.

Is interesting to see how both, Goku's compassion and respect for Vegeta, and Vegeta's (albeit unhealthy) obsession over Goku, the fact that they were also the last of their kind and the only ones that could compete with each other to fight between themselves and against others (discounting Gohan since he always slacked on his training and wasn't really interested on fighting), the only ones that could understand how the other felt as being pure blooded, that Goku had a living example in Vegeta of his true origins to learn more about himself (like a walking Saiyan enciclopedia), that Vegeta had in Goku a new purpose in life (until he realized what he had with his family as well), all of that with time combined to create a dynamic where they both felt comfortable with each other. They famously became companions, with time forming friendship/friendly rivalry and some could even see them now being akin to brothers. Something that as much as Krilin was Goku's life long friend and will be forever he could never really fulfill all that Vegeta came to develop with Goku. And in a way I don't think anyone can either.

But there's also an important note to make about this relationship/friendship. Vegeta is the one that gives it more meaning than Goku does (at first). I feel like Goku is simply being his loving caring happy free self, while Vegeta takes it personal and takes so much weight on what Goku says and does and how it affects him. As he later puts in words in Super (Granola arc i think), Goku is an egotist while he himself is an egocentric. And that difference is important to get to the point because from now on for a while the question is "Why does Vegeta".

Why does Vegeta put so much weight in their fight in the Majin Saga that he's willing to kill innocent people again just to have a match with Goku (going with the latin dub again since is more accurate to the original japanese one). And it isn't just about his ego, is about what he doesn't say as well.

Why is Vegeta the only character that is so against fusion, with Goku specifically because he has only fused with him and we don't know how would he react to fusing with someone else if it's needed.

Why is Vegeta so averse to touching Goku. At least after their fight and after him dying in the Majin Saga and once he is allowed to go back to Earth.

Why on the brink of the universe destruction was Vegeta acting like a cheated on girlfriend when he discovered that Goku had a new transformation and didn't told him about it (I would be mad at him too to be fair but i also understand why Goku wouldn't want to do so and he did it to not hurt Vegeta's feelings and have a good time under fair conditions. he gets half a point for the sentiment).

The Majin Saga

From all the examples people like to pull up when trying to argument sexual tension between these two there's only a few that I feel have some significance. And I can tell you when did it cooked enough to be a possibility. And that is right when Goku announced he was going to go back to Earth for one day and one day only, presumably forever. That's where something started, but it was brewing since Goku died to Cell and Vegeta lost Goku, his purpose, his obsession, his will to fight, and entered a depressive episode that lasted 2 years (aprox, since Bulma tells Chichi that Vegeta had been training for the last 5 years in the 7 year time skip).

Once he knew Goku was coming back he just had to do anything in his power to fight against him again, no matter what it took (he looks so excited too, that's cute). His entire meaning as the person he perceived he was and his meaning as a warrior and Goku's foil depended on it. But after realizing that they might not have their match because of Supreme Kio's pink menace, nothing else mattered, not Bulma, not Trunks, not the Earth or the universe or everything he had been building for so many years without Goku. Goku was the single catalyst for his relapse. Like... how is it possible that fighting with him and proving his worth is more important that it's been a rock in his boots for years now. But ok, he's a warrior so I can understand why, also because he was going through a Major (with capital M) identity crisis where he's trying to negate his newfound value in his family and new home while thinking that is what was making him weak, though he never really believed that since he knew Goku never needed to be cruel to surpass him, it was just a jolt reaction to not knowing how to handle it, and Goku could see through that very clearly by asking him if he really believed that bs about feeling good by being cruel and being a slave of his own mind.

But the thing is that during their fight it is clear that more than winning (which he would have enjoy to no end if they finished their fight and Goku didn't had a new plot convenient powerup hiding under his eyebrows again, though that wouldn't have helped him to grow), both were very much enjoying the act of fighting (since Goku said he wanted to end the fight soon so Buu doesn't get the energy but he didn't because he could have used Ssj3 and end it quite fast), Vegeta fighting against his previous rival now companion Kakarot. Sparing with him in perfect synchrony in an equal fight because what Vegeta actually wanted with the Majin Magic was to close the powergap and convince himself he had an excuse to not feel remorse because of the magic. And i say that because before Goku dying to Cell he really saw him as competition, but after he lost him i feel that alongside his remorse and embarrassment for the disaster that was that saga, in part because of his gigantic ego, he must have felt alone, now truly being the last pure blooded Saiyan alive and not in condition to call himself a warrior anymore under his own standards. And although he had Gohan, which he respected a lot because of his courage and his immense power, it was not the same since Gohan is a pacifist and didn't had the same passion for fighting like a pure blooded Saiyan so he wasn't even training. So by the time of the Majin Saga and once Goku came into the picture again I think he subconsciously regarded him differently and he ends up realizing it during their fight (although he doesn't vocalize it).

During their fight there's a specific moment. After Goku throws Vegeta to a cliff side and he makes a hole in it to liberate himself, Goku comes to him and they both get very close just floating in the air and powering up, looking at each other. Vegeta is beyond pissed, Goku taking the fight very seriously. Then Goku smiles to Vegeta challenging him and showing he's enjoying their fight, and Vegeta relaxes for a moment changing his attitude and showing a smile back to him in empathy, sharing to him that he is enjoying it too and wants to challenge him back as well.

This whole fight is Goku's way to show Vegeta how much he actually cares about him and his well being despite what Vegeta might have believed up until then, how much he respects him as a warrior and an equal too, even risking Earth and Majin Buu's return. He did the unthinkable and menaced Kaio Shin with death if he dared to stop their fight, which Vegeta sure noticed and even reacted with complete disbelief.

I know a lot of people joke about Vegeta being a repressed homosexual because of his obsession with Goku, and i'm not saying he is, but this fight is charged with sexual tension, mostly on his part, among other things of course. And is interesting that Vegeta, ever since the Namek experience, is the most emotionally fragile of the bunch and an unstable character. He feels everything very intensely and reacts in the same way while trying to hide under a curtain of pride, ego and his title of Prince.

Goku knew what he was getting into by agreeing to fight with Vegeta. He wasn't going to just let them set the score, he was going to give Vegeta the most intense therapy session ever by letting him discharge all that literal energy and anger, guiding him through his feelings, playing by Vegeta's rules. Help him overcome whatever he had been brewing in his mind since they day they met thinking on where was the moment everything went wrong for years, so he could move forward...

And then... this happens...

... I don't think anyone expected something like this to even be a thing that he could do as a power that we will only see one time ever in the entirety of the show and is in here, lol. And not long ago I watched a semi abridged semi analysis commentary video on the fight and yeah, we coincide that there was something else going on here at the same time. Vegeta got a little too excited... The same way a football player suddenly gets rock hard without realizing because they got too much adrenaline from a very exciting match. And I didn't mentioned it but being that Saiyans were a warrior culture there exists some real life relation of warrior societies (like greeks, romans, spartans, norse, some aztec societies) and homoerotic practices as part of that philosophy. Fighting is everything and everything revolves around fighting. And finding a brother in arms could develop into something else out of admiration, or from hypermasculinity with the purpose of dominating the other and demonstrating power. And i'm not saying that that was part of Saiyan culture, just that there might be some similarities with what we're seeing.

There's a fine line between pain and pleasure, hate and love, fear and excitement, rivalry and attraction. And in moments of intensity where both opposite feelings collide can produce an equally intense and confusing response. And here Vegeta is going through a rollercoaster of emotions and given that he is the most emotionally charged character it can go all places.

So, Vegeta tells Goku if he pretends to defeat him quickly as he said, Goku responds that he's trying to do that, and Vegeta asks if he thinks he can do it *slap slap* (the disrespect). He's trying to provoke him but the way he does it is kinda similar to what you'd do in a sexual encounter since he's not really hurting him too badly (which is really funny). And I'm pretty sure he wasn't thinking about anything sexual, just pure anger towards our buddy Kakarot so that doesn't change the fact that he did just lost his marbles to blind rage and wasn't thinking at all, just feeling intensely and acting freely on it. "Listen... don't you think this is enough humiliation I got from your part *hit hit punch hit*. This attacks are not enough to set the score. How is it possible that a Prince of Saiyans, that possesses such a big pride, was humiliated by a warrior like you (In the English version there's a series of flashbacks with dialogue but that's not a thing in the japanese and latin version). What saddens me the most is that you saved my life, worm (i don't remember if he's referring to Cell because Gohan saved him there, or way back in the saiyan saga when they first met since for a warrior is way worse offense to get their death in battle denied since he now has to suffer all what he's been through). You deserve to die! I'll break you to pieces right now! I'll start with the arm...".

Unfortunately for Goku Vegeta didn't share the safe word and he had to free himself so he wasn't actually dismembered by the intensity of Prince Vegeta and they continued their fight, once again Goku leveling the field into a in a less emotionally charged more equal fight all things considered. They talk again and Vegeta admits to him that he understands that he's never going to surpass him because Goku is more skilled at fighting, now getting into the real meat of the matter with him and his frustrations. We get to Vegeta almost breaking in tears again, torn by the realization of his situation confessing all about how he wants to be who he was and how he cannot cope with his new life on Earth having all this new feelings for his family and being passive that make him feel like he is not himself. Which tells a lot about how he still doesn't know how to function outside of conflict and his deeply rooted self image since childhood, and to me it says that it almost feels to him like he's afraid of disappearing as an individual if he cannot go back to being something he recognizes and is familiar with as he doesn't recognize himself being something else, a who that is completely opposite to what he has ever known. Is something some people that had lived through a deeply traumatic upbringing experience. On top of it being a Saiyan it must have been really confusing and difficult but Goku is the only one that could probably understand that in some capacity as pure blooded Saiyan.

And i love how Goku doesn't give up on him though after everything and he is still willing to listen and help. Without his help here Vegeta wouldn't have confronted and put into words his reality to later internalize it and fully embrace his love for his family, fully embrace his feelings, giving Trunks later his first hug. That was all Goku's doing.

Of course things happened since they were still in the middle of total annihilation at the hands of the strongest pink ball of bubblegum. and from this fight and his explosive sacrifice/ acceptance of his destiny and for who he was, going forward Vegeta actually starts acting a little different. A lot more relaxed with Kakarot, more open and sincere, more focused on helping than competing, more agreeable and no longer ignoring or being embarrassed of his feelings for his loved ones (like we see when he gets convinced by Goku to do the fusion using Vegeta's love for Bulma). And I'm pretty sure he felt grateful and in life debt to him. Not only for his help with unjumbling his feelings during that fight but for everything he's done for him since the day Goku spared his life way back in the day. A real true honest best friend/rival for life. (Though he still was being a bit stubborn about wanting to fight Buu himself in the anime, but in the manga he just doesn't charge head first into trying to battle him, he just doesn't like the idea of fussing with Kakarot).

Then the fusion thing...

The thing about the fusion is that Vegeta usually never wants to do it because he's embarrassed by the dance (which yeah... that's absolutely fair) but this is not the metamoran one, is the Potara, and they don't need to dance. His usual complains then change to "I just don't like to be fused with him" or "I don't like the idea of uniting bodies with him" when they have to do it later (either in canon or movie). And I don't know how doing a fusion with someone would feel like but the Potara at least has two ways it can go. For the Kaios just one person becomes the main, getting some physical characteristics and power of the other, and the other becomes dormant, just one person gets to be conscious. But for mortals, both actually remain conscious and they both "live" inside the body of each other as one new combined persona who is a combined identity, mixing mentally and physically, sharing memories, thoughts, feelings, everything in unison either the other wants it or not because when they are fused they are cooperating in a single brain so they think the same under this persona even if later they have separate thoughts on the same thing when they de-fuse, even better actually if they are rivals because they get the rival boost. Is not too crazy to think that some would consider it a very intimate act, even more because is permanent (until the retcon), which Goku is so considerate to tell Vegeta at the very last minute and he's like "WTF!" and Goku is just down with it while Vegeta is regretting ever meeting this guy but does it anyways.

And we have seen other characters combine but they don't think much about it, Trunks and Goten specifically just find it fun because they are best friends and just think about having the time of their lives beating up the bad guys. But I think Vegeta specifically does feel like it's something too personal and intimate that requires a lot his will power to do. His concept of it is different for a lot of reasons that all derive from being a very reserved person in general in many aspects. But ultimately and reluctantly agrees for the sake of his loved ones and saving his new home.

Goku certainly didn't thought much about it, just another way to become even stronger by cooperating with someone in a new way. Better if it's Vegeta because the power boost is much greater to save the Earth and he considers him a real friend at this point. He's so excited when Vegeta accepts because it means so much, it's the demonstration to Goku of his turn to an actual good guy, fighting for others and not just himself, and he's so proud. And the result is this very playful, sassy confident and cocky warrior that we all know and love because is the best thing ever and I don't have Vegetto favoritism.

But something did changed in both of them after the fusion. I know is an anime only thing for better pacing (at least until Super came and made it a thing again in small ways of its own), but after the fusion thing Goku started to unnecessarily get into Vegeta's personal space more (I mean, I don't think there's anything more intimate than fussing and you'd have to get a level of trust and understanding with that other person like with no one else ever afterwards regardless). Like, I like that when they do the cheek to cheek attack, which again was completely unnecessary, Vegeta feels dirty about it, even muttering to himself "He's an opportunist (as in like, Goku taking advantage of him), I would have preferred the fusion" and Goku asks him is he's finished blasting Buu bits and Vegeta recoils and yells "Don't get close to me!". (In the manga there's not really that much fuss about it when they separate, they just get to work and directly from separating to Buu's brain). The fusion represents the pinnacle of their growth together as partners. Probably even more than that at this point for how much they share as rivals and how much they understand about each other above any other person, including their own wives in some regards for all they have gone through on things only they can share between themselves like their love for battle.

And if they both were friendly before while still keeping their cards up, now is when they start to act more like brothers and cooperating. Goku with his power and techniques and Vegeta with his strategic planing at the end of the Buu saga. Goku even becomes more playful with Vegeta, even sharing funny moments together. And as pointed out, I believe the fusion made them know the thinking, memories and intentions of the other to a degree.

This is the turning point for Goku as well regarding accepting his heritage as Saiyan. Because from then on he also accepts the values of the Saiyans as warriors and accepts feeling pleasure in having a good fair honorable fight without aid and relying only in his strength and talent just for the thrill he gets of it (much like what he felt as a child/teen), which he demonstrates by breaking the second pair of Potara earrings while Vegeta responds by telling him that he's so proud of him for going into the fight the Saiyan way. Also from then on others start to recognize Goku fully as a Saiyan.

Now, about Vegeta with the fusion, if he wasn't too sure about the fusion first, now every time the fusion is required he almost feels violated by the suggestion (which right before the kid Buu fight he actually didn't mind fusing again and kinda wanted it in the anime while this wasn't in the manga but ok). And of course, if he didn't had much thoughts on getting close and personal with Goku when battling because it meant nothing (like the arm riding in the Saiyan saga and their bondage session prior), now he recoils from him in certain situations (it also didn't help that the first time they fuse they went dick first...).

And onto Super, they made this thing about Goku asking Vegeta to grab his hand in order to instant transmission but Goku knows very well that's not necessary, he could have said to Vegeta to grab his shoulder like others do but he wants him to grab his hand, and Vegeta gets all flustered and nervous every time as if people are going to make fun of him for being gay or something (since we are told by the Pilaf gang that holding hands is very romantic and a sign of being a couple, and something to be embarrassed about, although from a childish perspective of course but this information was set up for the audience when Trunks wanted to hold hands with Mai). Like... Goku, do you have something to share to the class as well?

They later spent 3 years in the hyperbolic chamber at Goku's request... 3 years together just sparing in a void where there's nothing but infinity and them (which again, it wasn't really necessary because as Vegeta points out that wasn't going to make much of a difference in terms of power because they are at their limit of what their bodies can achieve by just fighting). And Bulma even got jealous/angry about Vegeta accepting the invitation.

It's become such a well known thing that there's something going on that even in official material (not canon exactly but official) acknowledges it. Maybe Goku knows something we don't since the fusion happened but it goes a little beyond just a joke from his part XD. And i haven't talked about it but Goku has no shame or filter. He does seem to display asexual tendencies but he's either oblivious to sexual stuff at times and how it affects others, or does it on purpose because he feels not much about it but does know how it affects others.

In GT there's actually not too much, they just remain companions and friends for life... Vegeta again reminiscing of everything they've gone through and accepting his role in the powerscale and being very freaking cute with Bulma, being such a dad and all. The highlight is the fusion again though, where Vegeta is the one that says he wants to do the fusion to which Goku just laughs saying that he feels happy because is the first time Vegeta asks him to do it, and Vegeta is just averts his eyes and says he hates him, lol.

Of course, the bromance tones might be just fanservice (I didn't knew that in shonen is actually very common). But either if there's something or not I don't really care much about that. Because as characters I have seen them grown so much and they have learn so much about themselves and each other it might as well be just another aspect they allow themselves to explore if they're down with it, with whatever canon or the anime presents us to see and guess, just like they have with their own families, wives, form friendships, discover new feelings, ways of thinking, how they have become stronger and how they have change the people around them, meta speaking as well. Either they are just friends, honorary brothers or something more I'm happy with who they have become thanks to each other. And the trust they have for each other is what is beautiful to see reflected. I'm so proud of them and what they have achieved. Now they are inseparable as the best duo in history.

And I'm my conclusions I would say that Vegeta might feel something towards Goku for how much he has helped him and how he has come to admire and respect him in levels unimaginable... in a spartan kinda way if you like and if he ever was down with it. And Goku is just Goku. He loves in a storge kind of way because that's what he does. He knows Vegeta to a T, knows what he needs, and wants him to be happy as well and become the better version of himself, to feel comfortable and feel loved too because he admires him as well, and if he can help him he will do so. Is not really a physical sexual attraction but there is attraction and love in a different way.

[the-togepi-man]

The boy you (and maybe shawn?) have a crush on

Sure, im a little high and he wont see this since he doesn't use tumblr. Dunno if I'll ever get the chance to tell him all this so

I cant speak for Sean, who I knows really enjoys his company but falls for people a lot slower-

But I think he's a great guy. He's gives off this very aloof vibe, but he's incredibly smart and very sharp with his wit and observations. The first time He, Sean, and I hung out together - those two talked about how they listen to NPR and the Economist in the morning. It was goofy but thats when I first noticed myself getting flustered. He cares about his friends and his relationships very much, as do I. SO while polyamours people don't HAVE to all date each other it's insanely important to me that Sean enjoys their company too

He and Sean also have this rapport and bounce off each other so well that it's just hard to not roll your eyes but get caught up in it. He's got this really cute smile, and when you make a jab at him or catch him off guard his opens his mouth with this goofy smile and his cheeks turn bright red. His eyes also twinkle a little when he gets excited. And even though he doesn't like eye contact, if the conversation is important he maintains it to show how much he's listening. Also after he does his hair - a few hours in to the day the very front of it has one curl that drops down on to his forehead and its adorable as all fuck

He's passionate about the things he's interested in, and even more passionate about staying true to himself. It's very clear that he wants to live his life as who he is, and I think that more people should aspire to do. He puts his passions and his friends first and does his absolute best to make sure he sticks to all the plans he makes with them. When i first asked him to make plans with us, I was thinking "ah yeah he might fade away like everyone else" but then the next day he followed up with plans for a happy hour. When I point out things I am really interested in he asks questions and says "oh we will have to watch that some time" or "or ill have to try that." He and Sean inspire me to try new foods and do new things I normally wouldn't. Sean's helped me grow a lot, but when he and Sean both commit to something I start to see how much I was missing out on

Small break from his personality- he's also SUPER hot. Like just tall, gorgeous, great body, hairy chest, great cuddle buddy, beautiful eyes, comforting smile, and from what I recall a good kisser- among other things.

He has a lot of parts to his personality and every time we hang out I feel like a learn more in a good way. Like every time we hang out it's a new discovery. With that said, he's also not high maintenance. I love going out and doing fun stuff with him and Sean, but I also love that we can just grab some drinks, hop on the couch, cuddle up and watch something together or listen to music together. He puts on songs sometimes that remind me of my childhood and sitting around at my grandparents house listening to my family talk while I fell asleep to the music

That might be the hardest part about not saying all this to him, - but he feels like he really fits right in to place with Sean and I, not like I've ever felt before. And of course I've talked to Sean about all this (Because Sean is the fucking BEST- and someone would have to really be awesome to have an impact on both of us). Anyhow, he just seems like such a wonderful person that we'd both fight the standards of society to have in our lives.

So all in all, I am just glad I can be his friend more than anything. Thanks anon for letting me get this out! It felt good to type it since again, dunno if he will ever get to hear me say it- nor would he need to hear it. He can handle his life on his own- I just hope I get to be a supporting member for the rest of it :)

[luminouslywriting]

Ok weird request, Bob headcannons them getting hard and moaning by accident while your not in a relathionship, things can escalate from there or not ,obviously if you don't feel comfortable writing this that's totally fine.

Oh Nonny this one was delightfully wicked and so fun haha! As always, enjoy and reminder that my requests are open! Feel free to spam me as much as you'd like haha! I'm taking the day off and lounging by the pool to help me feel better so I'm pretty pleased with that!

More under the cut, cut for length, spice under the cut:

Dick Winters:

-Mortified to the max

-Like this man is a blushing upset mess and apologizing and stammering out how it was an accident

-Will not look you in the eyes for several days or weeks, depending on how loud the moan was haha

-Probably tells Nixon about it because he's so embarrassed and Nixon teases him about it

-This is not going to help him in his feelings for you and is going to be something that he wants to genuinely forget and hope that you forget.

-Though if you thought it was hot and admit it to him, he'll be super flattered and will definitely finally make a move.

Lewis Nixon:

-Probably drunk when he does it and not as embarrassed as he should be?? The thing about him is that he knew he was drunk and it was a normal human response

-He'll definitely apologize when he sobers up about things but it's not a weird point between the two of you

-Might even attempt to get himself soberly locked in the closet with you so that he can do it again sober

-And at that point, handsy makeout session that absolutely ends in someone walking in on the two of you

-But at least you two get together by the end of it??

Ronald Speirs:

-Internally embarrassed and feeling like the WORST, externally really chill about it as you reassure him that it's perfectly normal and fine

-He definitely overthinks and hyperfixates on this for WAY too long and is trying to figure out if he actually likes you or if he's just physically attracted to you

-But when he finally figures it out, it's this really simple statement about how it's not just a physical reaction and how he really likes you

-This might result in locking yourselves in the nearest bedroom and figuring out how to make more of those pretty moans that you heard haha

-Turns out, you're just as in love with him as he is with you and he's perfectly pleased with that

-Wonders what would've happened if he had actually figured it out sooner because he's really happy with you

Buck Compton:

-Stammering an apology and blushing

-Will absolutely need some space so he can recover his pride and not be super embarrassed or a wreck around you

-Probably writes out an apology to you because he doesn't want you to feel weird around him

-Then further writes a little letter about how he actually feels and you find said letter by mistake

-So if you go up and kiss him, then all will work out on its own haha

-Happy if it all works out in the end

Carwood Lipton:

-Immediate apologies and avoiding eye contact. He knows he's messed up somehow and he is NOT the type to do that to a lady.

-It will take you approaching him about the situation and about your feelings for him to actually make a move.

-Even then, he's super shy about the moaning and feels embarrassed whenever it happens.

-Keep practicing with him though, he'll get more comfortable being vocal haha

-Or purposely try to tease him in public and he'll figure out what works for him REAL quick, I promise haha

-Either way, he's consistently embarrassed about it throughout your relationship whenever it happens though

Joseph Liebgott:

-Let's say for the sake of his personality, this was intentional on your part because he hadn't made a move yet. So whatever sort of teasing that you did to make it happen, he's just gonna roll with it.

-Initially a little embarrassed but it fades quickly

-This turns into the world's fastest makeout session with the both of you getting handsy

-Public teasing for the two of you? Absolutely a fact of matter in your newfound relationship

-Don't worry, he fully intends on getting you back for the fact that you technically made the first move in the relationship—and you'll get your dues in full honey

-Never shy about his moaning or the fact that he's hard—he will tell you and he will expect to have it taken care of post-haste haha

Donald Malarkey:

-Swearing up a panicked storm about it because NO, FOUL, it was an accident

-Requires a whole 48 hours of space because he's literally so embarrassed and not having it with you

-Also comes back to you and admits that there's only one person he wants to have him help take care of things and it's you

-It might be the weirdest sweetest thing you've ever heard??

-But I digress—he is NOT into teasing in any way, but any sort of physical contact he can have with you is a turn on for him.

-Clingy king to the max after this

Eugene Roe:

-French swears, French swears, French swears, mortification, feeling a little humbled lol

-Apologizes very quickly and tries to get space

-But if you grab his arm and kiss him, he loses all track of where his mindset was and not a single brain cell will be present

-Offer to take care of things for him—he'll probably tell you that he loves you in the middle of it

-And then he'll insist on taking care of YOU at that point

-This absolutely turns into soft and sweet sex with doc haha

Bill Guarnere:

-Also swears and feels super bad about it because he doesn't want you to feel like you HAVE to do anything with him

-Locate this man immediately and find a nice wall that you can talk near, because that wall is about to become the only thing holding you up lol

-Listen, if you admit that you didn't mind and that you were also turned on by what he did, he's going to go FERAL

-I'm talking holding your hands above you head as he kisses you and trying to keep the both of you quiet because he's got a LOT of feelings

-Is a pretty vocal guy so you might have to wait for some actual alone time before anything gets taken care of or done haha

-Either way, you two end up together pretty quickly

Joe Toye:

-Apologizes, removes himself from the situation, tries not to think about it ever again

-Thinks about it WAY TOO much though and ends up trying to take care of things himself for a while

-Until he decides that it's just not gonna work and he can't do it without you....

-At which point, he locates you, admits how he's feeling, and says that he hopes to have some time alone with you soon

-Still tries to make things really romantic between the two of you and special

-Consistently dreams about you until you get together, and then he's much worse haha

George Luz:

-This sweet loudmouth lets that moan slip and he knows immediately that he's colossally messed up

-But uh, in the event you're not bothered by that, he's going to be even more turned on and vocal

-This quickly descends into sex for the two of you

-But you're not together together yet?? So it requires some conversations afterwards for it to turn into a relationship

-He's still trying to figure out his feelings and you might be the person to say that you love him first

-At that point, he's so enamored and committed to you that it's a win-win situation haha

[mychlapci]

ough I've been trying so hard to think about what to do with the mertwins. Haven't quite figured it out ;A;

Sunstreakers reaction to Prowl definitely surprises him. This is the first time Prowl isn't greeted with immediate snarling and scratching. This is definitely the first time he sees the mer react in what he assumes is shock, optics going wide and fins dropping, making him appear a lot smaller than how he usually has his fins fanned out in aggression.

Then the yellow mer gestures. This is the first time Prowl is recording any attempt at communication from this one. A claw-tipped servo dragged from the mer's left optic to torso. The gesture is repeated a few times before the mer points at him, and then does it again.

Then Prowl frowns, doorwings flicking in irritation. Mocking him for his injuries? He narrows his one functioning optic at the mer as it glares back at him.

Whatever it is, the mer is not happy with his lack of response and growls, slamming a fist on the glass and then repeating the gesture again. When Prowl decides he's had enough and starts to walk away, Sunstreaker snarls and angrily bangs against the glass.

Sideswipe, on the other hand, is probably heavily sedated. He's awake, but groggy. The staff aren't taking any chances with him after what happened to Prowl.

He looks... sad. Thats what Prowl notes first. The moment all that aggression is stripped from the red mer, all that's left is sad and tired optics. He seems to spend a lot of time trying to curl around something. The sedatives are meant to make him sleep a lot, yes, but he doesn't just try to find a place to hide or a comfortable place to sleep. He tends to attempt to scrounge up what he can- rocks or pieces of kelp, anything- that he can hold or curl up around when he wants to rest.

Prowl notes this and wonders if the sedatives are affecting the mer's processor. Is this normal? The mer was not doing this before. Maybe he's seen this behaviour once when the facility held a few mer pups. If unable to cling to their carriers, pups may cling to other objects for comfort.

But that still doesn't explain anything. Maybe this species is social? Is that what is missing? But for how aggressive this one has been, that is also not likely. Prowl has noted that social mers tend to be more timid when separated from their pods.

The next few days continue to be odd. Sunstreaker keeps trying to communicate with Prowl, getting more and more frustrated every time he fails. How stupid can these land mechs be. He wants to know where his brother is NOW. His gestures sometimes go from gesturing at Prowls wounds to what are clearly threats. Prowl is not amused, but he is taking notes. Communication is an improvement. And he has noticed less injuries on this mer as of recently.

Sideswipe continues to be sedated, but Prowl is beginning to review the effects of this. He has noted that the mer seems to be a little too out of it for his comfort. They might have to get him off the sedatives soon. He's been telling everyone that the sedation is really not necessary, he's Fine, but no one is happy about Prowl getting attacked and still working through the injuries.

The red mer is clearly delirious with all the sedation. He swims around, looking lost, until he feels tired enough to lay back down. He always clings to something before he will lay down. And when he eats, he seems to leave half of everything behind. Prowl doesn't know why. If they want him to eat, they have to feed him twice as much and see that half of it is left untouched, kept in a neat pile by where he rests.

Prowl is starting to reconsider his thoughts about this one being a social species. The mer doesn't seem to be hoarding. He seems to be providing for something. All that aggression- maybe he was protecting something he should have. Or someone.

stop sending such good asks i can't let people know i'm stupid.

hrhhhh this whole scenario lives in my head. Sunstreaker keeps trying to communicate but it just does not work. Perhaps he's also aware that Prowl is observing him like some kind of zoo animal and that just makes him more enraged...

[abandonedpie]

Emotional Kara 🥺 Too many feelings to contain. Literally shaking and crying rn

Also his bros trying to comfort him with varying degrees of success

[time-is-restored]

btw this might be me swinging a bat at a hornets nest but like. absolutely none of my disappointment from the tl finale comes from ship baiting or any relationships that didn’t happen (though to be clear, i think the tedbecca fake outs were meanspirited and served no narrative purpose - in noted contrast to the season's earlier jamiekeeley fakeouts, for example, which were explicitly there to demonstrate jamie's growth + maturity)

tedpendant is a really fun concept for me, and i LOVE the characterisation + thematic potential there!

but as someone who personally resonated with a lot of ted’s struggles, the idea that ted could leave richmond so… seamlessly, for lack of a better word, really doesn’t sit right with me. the thesis of the shows entire first season - assuming it can be said to have only one - was about how everyone needs the love and support of a community, whether that comes in the flavour of someone who hypes u tf up or someone who will relentlessly call u on ur shit (or, as happened quite frequently, both!).

rebecca, roy, jamie are the clearest examples as the characters with the most screentime: they were all deeply isolated and disconnected from the people around them, and that was making them miserable. the connections they made with the team, the vulnerability they finally allowed themselves to express (the ghost banishing ceremony comes to mind!), and them going on to want *more* out of their life are what made their arcs about *progression* rather than *regression*. without that clear theme of compassion + community inspiring positive growth in everyone who encounters it, there is, frankly, no season one.

my personal favourite scene from season one comes right after michelle walks away from ted, when they’ve agreed to get divorced. ted sits down on the bench looking gutted, and a little shell shocked - and beard sits down with him. hands him the drink, and they sit there together. silent, but together. to me, that scene is an implicit promise from the episode, to the audience: ‘it’ll be okay. it’s going to be hard, but ted isn’t alone, and his friends won’t leave him behind.’

it also makes it clear to the audience that ted isn’t the saintly-giver-of-grace who needs nothing in return, as one might assume on first brush, but rather that he’s Also struggling with his own shit (as is everyone, always, in real life!) and he has something he needs from the people around him too.

and looking at the text of s3, and the conclusion to his arc in the finale, i just don’t believe that he got it. he wasn’t just sad that he was leaving (which would be understandable!), he was completely closed off. unresponsive to the people around him reaching out, borderline confused as to why they were trying so hard!

(side note, while i completely respect the read of ted and trents last interaction being rather rude + ooc on ted’s part, i personally read a different motive into it. for me, it was more like… he didn’t understand where trents enthusiasm was coming from? like, he read that as trent being too invested in what other people think of him, and responded in a way that he hoped would emphasise that ted doesn’t *need* to laugh at everything trent wrote, bc trent Already Knows that he’s done something really cool and kickass, and he shouldn’t value anyone else’s reactions above that. basically, based on his demeanour in the episode, i genuinely don’t think it would’ve even occurred to him that trent was more invested in HIS reaction than he would’ve been with anyone else.)

again, looking purely at the text, the show had already established that ted has really strong depressive + avoidant tendencies, as well as panic attacks (largely triggered by his fear of not being ‘good enough’ in various roles, ie: a father). we saw one area he was able to calm HIMSELF abt these fears (worry for henry, which is a Hell of a choice considering the ending…), but in literally every other heightened moment, he had to rely on his support system to help him make the choices that he WANTED to make, rather than ones inspired by avoidance and fear (ie: confronting michelle abt jake, talking to his mum abt why she was visiting + his dads death).

and to be clear, this is a GOOD THING! we’re not supposed to go through life alone, no matter how bad OR well we’re doing. rebecca and keeleys friendship isn’t worth less for all the scenes where they’re both in good places. if anything, the opposite is true - it’s lovely that they both have someone who want to celebrate the achievements in their life!

and fuck it, we’re sure as hell not supposed to go through life with exactly one (1) person whom we expect to fulfill ALL of our emotional needs at all times either! like, im sure i don’t need to labour my point here, but tying everything to one (1) person in ur life doesn’t make u any less isolated than if u were going it completely alone, whether it’s a family member, a friend, or a partner. i won’t pretend to know the first thing abt what it’s like to be a parent, but i don’t think it’s unreasonable to say that no parent would be at their best if they had absolutely no support/camaraderie/general love provided to them from Anyone other than their child.

so when ted is SPECIFICALLY shown to be in a bad place, over and over again (did he come to terms w his fear to be close to henry overnight???????), and then removed from his community? of COURSE the audience is left feeling unsettled, and like the rug has been pulled out from under them. there was no time in this finale dedicated to how ted would still be in contact with anyone from richmond. no promises of visits, or phone calls - fuck, nothing about emails!! according to the text, we might as well assume this is a clean break (and the maybe-dream-sequence does Fuck All to assure us otherwise. if ted doesn’t go to beards wedding, what WOULD he go to????). and since the show has ALSO completely failed to give us even an IMPLICATION of who/what ted’s support system would be in kansas, there’s… a reasonable argument to be made that this is It for ted. that, after two seasons doing NOTHING but attesting otherwise, the audience is supposed to suddenly believe that ted can (and SHOULD!) pull himself up by his bootstraps, and cope entirely on his own.

that, to me, is a betrayal of the show’s premise. we were promised a show about how, no matter how dark things may get, none of the characters would be left to struggle alone. and then they ended the show with ted alone.

i don’t know. i guess if i had to give this post a tldr; if anyone has any gen fic/meta/Literally Anything in the pipeline, i would absolutely love to be tagged/directed towards it. i’ll be endeavouring to write something myself, as well, but it might take a while before i can return to my WIP, lol.

[sysig]

One better (Patreon)

[whumpshaped]

cant stop thinking abt that reply to bram's post abt the abusive cluster b parents so just know if u were abused like that, first of all, samesies and it gave me cluster b pds as a result, second of all, i promise no one whos calling for understanding of cluster b ppl is invalidating ur experiences. if u feel like they ARE, i sincerely hope u realise u dont have to have a medical explanation for why others suck. if ur parents sucked, u can just say that, and its freeing, and focusing on behavioural patterns instead of diagnoses (which u most likely dont have access to when it comes to strangers) will allow u to weed out actual bad ppl and keep urself safe(er)

[dutybcrne]

Kaeya is rather touch averse, cringing away from casual contact people give him under the guise of being distracted or idle movement. He's used to it, the Ragnvindrs and Adenlinde got him used to frequent affectionate physical contact, but it can still be entirely Uncomfortable if he's touched by someone outside those he is close to or someone he's otherwise Allowed to touch him.

[throwawayasoiafaccount]

god tywin lannister deserved worse

just remembering elias death and i wanna puke and the way tywin talks about elia and what happened is so damn gross

but rip tommen and myrcella we all know what’s about to happen in the next book :/

the cycle of violence just keeps spinning and damn you tywin for beginning it

(i got a bit crazy in the tags 💀)

[cinnamon-phrog]

How's your day going on tumblr

My day has only just started [EST timezone you see, I am so sorry if I'm incomprehensible] but it's going well, thank you!

I was a bit sad because I chose to give the benefit of the doubt to someone someone else was being mean to, but the person I gave the benefit too turned out to be exactly who I hoped they weren't.

That red x yellow shipper turned out to be a pr*shipper but just didn't say it, a friend of mine told me about their gross twitter acc, as well as the other shipper who sided with them. The only thing they're right about is yes it does indeed look like it's 2022 again :c

It makes me sad to see nothing but gatekeepers and pr*shippers in the dhmis tag so I'm just going to not bother looking anymore, you all had your chances.

It's very messy and has upset me for a bit, but I went offline to go to town and I felt much better!!

[I go off a lot more in the tags- like a LOT a lot. A sort-of vent/complaint but not an ooooooh look at me vent just a few things that've happened in the past that made me who I am now]

[itsukicoded]

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