#does this count as art? will i be judged if i reblog it on my snowbaird blog and put it in the art tag? don’t answer that

[chrissymunsons]

PART III: THE PEACEKEEPER ; a summary 🪖

[onepiece-polls]

One Piece Crack Ship War - Submission post!

Welcome to the One Piece Ship War - crack edition!

What is a crack ship?

A crack ship is a (in this case romantic/sexual) ship that has little to no basis in canon.

When will my ship qualify for this tournament?

They will automatically qualify (after having been submitted) when:

The characters involved have NO canon interaction*, and are not part of the same crew (no matter how popular the ship is).

The characters involved have 1 short canon interaction and less than 10 fics for them on AO3 (as a side pairing counts too)

They might qualify if:**

They have no canon interaction but are part of the same crew or organisation.

They have 1 short canon interaction but more than 10 fics on AO3

They have 1 long canon interactions or 2/3 short ones and less than 10 fics on AO3

They have multiple canon interactions but NO fics on AO3

It's an incredibly funny ship (but you gotta convince me it's crack!)

These ships will not qualify on principal:

ANY ship between Strawhats (honorary Strawhats don't count if they haven't met a certain Strawhat - examples: BrookNami does not qualify, SanjiVivi does not qualify, but BrookVivi would qualify)

The top 25 ships (or something, be sensible) on AO3.

*canon interactions include fillers, cover stories, specials, and movies (though I haven't seen the last 2 yet and I don't remember much of the other ones, so these might slip through, but I'm counting on you to honor this rule). Also, I won't know nor check interactions in the manga (that haven't been animated yet), so something might slip through there as well. Just honor the rules, please.

**Any ships in the 'might qualify' category will be judged on crackyness by me first, and when I'm in doubt, I will put them up for a vote - so expect a few polls for this.

Rules!

All characters must be from One Piece (no OCs).

Must be a crack ship according to above guidelines.

Ships that were in the previous shipping war tournament are allowed in this one too, as long as they follow the previous rule.

No moral limitations. These are fictional characters, not real people. Go wild. (But be prepared for 'problematic' ships to be voted out in round 1 or 2.) I will not start discourse/moral discussions about any ships! (messages about morally questionable ship are likely to be ignored and deleted)

Poly ships are allowed! I will cap them at 5 characters, however, and at least 1 character should follow the interaction rules stated above. (examples: JinbeRobinBrook or KidLawLu are not allowed. RobinNamiKiller would be allowed, on grounds of Killer having no interactions with the other 2 (I think? 😂)) Again, be sensible here.

All characters involved have to be humanoid. No concepts, objects, or full animals (fishmen/merfolk, minks, and Chopper are allowed).

You can submit multiple ships, but use a new form for each ship.

Do not hate on other ships, just support your own.

You are allowed and encouraged to submit fanart! As a lot of these ship won't have official art with all characters in it, it will come down to fanart for the most of it ((bad) edits are also very much allowed). However, it needs to be your own or you need permission from the artist before submitting it! However, if you haven't gotten permission yet when submitting, you can always send me a link to the fanart later. Without picture submitted, there might be a chance your ship will have to compete without a picture.

Keep the main images SFW and spoiler free. Propaganda can contain nsfw stuff and manga spoilers, as long as it's announced up front (eg: [Spoilers ahead]/[nsfw ahead])

Submit only through the google form below. Submisions through asks or reblogs will not be accepted.

Read the rules? Go ahead and submit those ships! (<you can click on that)

Oh yeah, and in case you're wondering... All submitted ships that pass the crack ship bar will make it into the tournament! No limitation on how many contestants there will be or how many submissions a ship needs. I want this to be an opportunity for all to discover new fun and silly ships!

Closing date is april 8 at 10AM CET.

[nkirukaj]

The Radio Demon & the Billboard Doe (20)

Pairing: Alastor x Fem! OC

Warnings: Swearing; Sexual Activity & Graphic Depictions of Violence

Genre: ANGST/Fluff SMUT (& Humor!)

Word Count: 8.6K

<Chapter 19

I just want to thank everyone that has taken the time to come on this journey with me. There were times when I wanted to quit, but your likes, reblogs, and kind comments made me want to keep going. This would mean much less without you all. Without further adieu, I present:

20. V is for Voe; the Billboard Doe

art by @hazbinhotelie

“Alastor?” Charlie looks around the room after everything goes quiet “Where’s Voe?”

Alastor is wiping off his sleeve, still stewing with rage “I took care of her darling,” is all the response he gives her

“Took care of her?” Angel tiptoed back in the front doors “That definitely ain’t good”

“You didn’t…kill her did you?” Charlie covers her mouth

Alastor’s smile is the stiffest it’s ever been “Of course not dear Charlotte. I simply disposed of her, nothing to worry your pretty head about,”

Vaggie furrows her brow, opening her mouth before Charlie speaks instead “Um, actually no? Anything that goes on in my Hotel is my business,”

Alastor chuckles dryly “I assure you, Charlie, it’s none of your concern,”

Charlie’s expression turns angry as she stalks toward him “It’s all my concern Alastor, now tell me what the fuck you did to Voe.”

He sighs as if she’s being annoying “If you insist on obtaining this information, I simply removed her from the property,”

“But like, you didn’t give her a chance to explain herself! Or apologize! Or anything!”

“I did what was best for the hotel. We don’t need anyone sneaking around or keeping secrets,”

Vaggie scoffs loudly “Oh bullshit! You going on your little outings? Or keeping the fact that angels could be killed until you could use it to get a ‘favor’ from Charlie?”

“That is not this!” He asserts

“Right!” Charlie yells “That was worse!”

Alastor sweetens his tone “Now Charlotte...”

“From the first day, you stepped in here, you’ve belittled, degraded, and mocked the idea of redemption, telling me directly and indirectly that my dream is hopeless. But then you also walk around this place like you own it! Newsflash Alastor, you DON’T, yes you’ve helped to make my dream more feasible, but it’s NOT your property, it’s NOT your name on the line, and it’s NOT just one of your little projects to entertain you. You walk around here like you’re judge, jury, and executioner! You’re not better than anyone here just because we believe in the goodness of damned souls. If anything it just makes you miserable! THIS IS MY DREAM! MY PURPOSE! YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT OR AUTHORITY TO OVERRIDE ME. AND YOU WILL NEVER HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO KICK ANYONE OUT! AND SINCE YOU CAN’T ACT LIKE A TEAM PLAYER THE NEXT ONE TO LEAVE IS YOU!”

The bass in her voice overshadowed everyone and everything in the room as the Princess stood before the red demon, horns pointed, tail swinging, and eyes blazing red. The entire room knew that this was only a fraction of the younger Morningstar’s power, and did not want to see the rest of it. Vaggie stands behind her girlfriend, staring with love and admiration, her spear ready for combat. Alastor stares down at the women, stiff and poised.

“Who will manage the hotel?” he asks calmly 

“I will, it won’t be that much different anyway”

His smile drops slightly as he exhales, but he picks it back up before anyone can notice. “Very well,” and he dissipates into the shadows.

Charlie takes a deep breath and returns to her normal form. She turns to Vaggie and opens her mouth, but before she can speak Vaggie throws her arms around her girlfriend.

“I love you so much!” and Charlie blushes and smiles back

The acid rain had ended by the time she had walked across Pentagram City, but she was already soaked from her hair to her feet.

“Voe Voe!! Can I get a picture? Hey Hey!! Bitch,” a demon called out from down the street

Voe continues walking as cameras and smartphones flash around her, but she ignores them. Someone runs up to her and gives her an unsolicited hug. Voe’s immediate reaction is to toss them, but she isn’t focused on how much strength she is using. The demon flies back into a building, shocking even Voe.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!” 

“DO I LOOK LIKE I WANNA BE TOUCHED?!” Her eyes flashed as more and more demons crowded around her, clearly not getting the message. Some of them screamed her praise and others wished for her demise. The noise became too much to the point that she ended up covering her ears and running, running, and running through the swinging doors. The cold air makes contact with her wet hair and clothes, making her shiver. She hangs her head down to avoid the bright lights and she runs into something hard, her eyes snap open and she looks up.

“What the fuck!” Vox looks up from his phone and then down at the doe. When he sees who it is, he cracks a grin “Voe? Voe the Beau? Oh this is rich,” he stifles a laugh “How may I help you dear?”

She stares up at him with rage “I need a place to stay,”

“You what? Sorry, I couldn’t hear you, the betrayal must’ve been clogging my ears”

“How did I betray you?”

Vox shrugs “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Run along, we don’t have space for you,” he starts walking past her “Since Voe’s always right,”

“Wait,” she says. He turns to her, smirking “What do you want?”

He ponders the thought “So..what happened? Did you get thrown out of the hotel? Guess they must not like traitors”

“You know, it was bad enough that you ruined my afterlife, but then to make fun of me about it is cruel,”

“Okay okay, but just tell me one thing…how did our dear friend Alastor react, when he found out?” Vox’s eyes glint with joy

She turns away from the TV demon “He never stopped smiling, but he’s never seemed so..hurt. I could see it in his eyes,”

Vox begins to cackle as the tears rise in her eyes. The warmth in her chest turns into a burning flame, the tears and the rain stinging her eyes

“Head up to Velvette’s studio, I’m sure she’ll have something for you,” he tosses over his shoulder and walks away “Wait,” he stops “Give me that,”

“What?” 

He flips the chain around her neck “I want that necklace,”

She takes a step back “Why?”

“You really think I’m going to let you wear that man’s name around your neck when you’re in my building?” he opens his palm in front of her

Voe recoils “I’ll take it off, but I’m not giving it to you,”

Vox closes his fingers one by one “I don’t want to see it around your neck” Voe slowly removes it and places it in her pocket “That’s better, I want that pretty little neck bare,” he trails his sharp fingers down her throat

“What? So you wanna fuck me now?” she asks with a somewhat annoyed expression

Vox smirks and walks away without answering the question

“Now Alastor, what did I tell you about that? You can’t just override people’s authority!”

The stag huffs “If you don’t want me to stay here then I won’t!” he raises his volume

Rosie furrows her brow and lowers her pitch “Now hold on,” she scolds him as if he is her own child “I didn’t say you couldn’t stay here but you are not going to speak to me that way on my property. You’re the one that got yourself kicked out, that’s nobody’s fault but your own, so control your tone, young man,” she flattens her lips, letting him know that she means business

Alastor lowers his head “I apologize, I am under a certain amount of…stress,”

Rosie scoffs “I can see!” she moves out of the doorway to allow him in, closing the door behind him. She moves to sit on one of her couches, patting the spot next to her. “Tell Auntie Rosie what’s wrong,”

He sits down next to her “I just need a moment,”

“For?”

“I….I’m, heartbroken,” he mumbles

Rosie shakes her head as if she didn’t hear him “Pardon?”

“I am heartbroken,” he stumbles over his words “And I-I don’t even have the words to describe how I feel inside,”

Rosie blinks, looking up at the air. She’s not sure what to do, this has never been an issue that Alastor has come to her about. “Would you like a hug Alastor?”

“I suppose a small one,” 

She opens her arms and he falls into them, leaning on her chest as she wraps her arms around him. They sit in silence for a few beats before Rosie hears low and soft broken breaths. She looked around to locate the source of the sound, only to discover that it was coming from inside her arms. She turned her ear down and heard the sobs of the Radio Demon. She had no idea what to say. She sat and held him in her arms, this was territory for her too.

Alastor sits up and removes his monocle, he rubs the small amount of tears from his eyes. He replaces the monocle “I apologize for how I’m acting, I just did not know…what to do with myself,”

“Wanna tell me what happened?” 

“I do not think I am in the right headspace to think about it. Let alone, talk about it. Again, I apologize for being rude to you. I have not been feeling like myself for these past few months,” He stands and dusts off his clothing, and walks further into the building, leaving Rosie sitting and wondering what in all of Hell could have her best friend like this.

“I’m honestly so glad that you finally came to your senses and showed up! This is going to be bloody fucking amazing! Now that I have you all the time, that’s less time we have to spend getting you prepped and ready! Honestly, you should have done this from the get-go, but sometimes it takes something drastic to get people on the right path. Ugh, what is this? Are you covered in acid rain? Let’s get you cleaned up. TANYA! RUN HER A BATH!”

Velvette talked on and on, as Voe just sat and absorbed the words into her skin, but not through her ears. Voe had never known what to call this state that she was in, even when she was alive. The state where her body was doing everything it was supposed to do to continue existing normally, but her mind was somewhere else. Her mind was back at the hotel, replaying different versions of the scenario. Versions where something, anything had gone different. Maybe if Angel had given her the remote, or if she had gotten downstairs first, or maybe if she and Alastor would’ve had sex instead. Even a version where Vox doesn’t do the show at all. Or one where she was a completely different person, who would’ve never even considered doing something like this to someone.

Sometimes she wondered what it was like to live without that nagging and gnawing voice telling you that you’re not good enough. That voice that tells you if you don’t do something big then you might as well not exist. She wondered if other people had to live with it, but she was never a good indicator of what other people had to deal with. She knew that voice quite well, and the only way to quiet it had always been temporary solutions that increased her status and made her feel big, but always at the expense of making someone feel small. These moments of reprieve never lasted long, but she’d do anything to never feel like that lost and ostracized baby ever again. Even if she had to make that baby, someone else. But as she said, the feeling never lasted. And in the end, she always had to give something up, but she had never felt it mattered this much.

When she comes back to herself, she’s in a bathtub, basically sitting in her own broth. Velvette bursts through the door, while she’s stewing.

“How’s my favorite model doing?” Voe stared off into the distance, her expression solemn and bare “Oh come on, what’s with the pout? Hmm?” She tilts her head up “You still can’t be on Alastor,” she scoffs “You did it, it’s done. It’s over now. Chin up, you have better things to worry about,” she places her hand on Voe’s back “Hurry up with your bath love, and I’ll get you something to eat, I just know you’re hungry,”

When Voe is silent once again, Velvette groans and rolls her eyes, leaving the bathroom. Once she leaves, Voe lets out a long whistle.

“What’s going on with your precious little trophy?” Vox smirks 

Vel rolls her eyes “She’s still stuck on Alastor I guess,” She waves her hand

Vox rubs his ‘chin’ “Well maybe we can…take her mind off of him?”

Velvette’s sneer slowly turns into a sly smirk. 

Rosie was so unaware of what to do, or what was happening anyway. She gathers a tray of coffee and brings it to the room Alastoe chose to stay in. She knocks on the door and leans in, listening. There’s a light groaning coming from inside. Rosie lightly pushes the door open.

“Alastor?” she peers in to see him lying on the bed in a ball, his coat on the floor and his shoes strewn about. Okay, now she was worried “Alastor!”

He groans in response, not even moving when Rosie places the tray on the nightstand and sits down, dipping the bed next to him.

Rosie reaches out to rub his back, but then thinks better of it, placing her hand on the bed next to him. “Alastor, please. Tell me what’s wrong, I don’t like seeing you like this, I’m worried,”

He shifts his head toward her, his expression still covered. He mumbles into his arm and Rosie leans down to hear him.

“Hmm? I can’t hear you, sweetie,”

“I don’t like feeling this way!!” he yells

“What are you talking about sweetie?”

Alastor rips the bracelet off of his wrist and throws it to the ground “This meant nothing!” 

Rosie goes to where he threw the bracelet and picks it up, examining it in her slender fingers “Who’s Vera?” she turns back to her friend

“The heartless woman that crushed me,”

Rosie is more baffled than when she walked into the room. She raises a brow “I’m sorry, what do you mean by that?”

“I take it you haven’t seen Vox 2-Nite,”

“Alastor, I don’t even have a TV,”

He sighs “Voe told Vox everything,”

“Everything?”

“Everything!” he screams “Everything I told her, she told him!”

She holds the bracelet and returns to the bed “Oh Alastor, I’m so sorry. Would you like a hug?” he groans and Rosie takes it as a yes and envelopes him as much as she can. 

Voe sits in the bed they gave her, fiddling with the necklace. She reads Alastor’s name as she runs her thumb over it, feeling the metal’s smoothness and the letters’ curves. She thinks back on when he gave it to her. How his fingers wrapped around her throat and he sunk his teeth into her skin, leaving a myriad of hickies all around. She breathes in and fantasizes that he’s here to forgive her, to save her from this place where no love grows. Her fingers trail over her skin and she imagines they’re his, digging her nails deep just as he would. One hand travels to her neck and the other down to her core. She takes a second to smell herself to understand what it was that Alastor had always gone crazy for before returning her fingers to her slit, slowly trailing up and down as he would. She slides a finger inside the open hole, hers not being as long but willing to use her imagination, carefully slipping in another.

“Vera, tell me how this feels,” she hears his voice as she curves one finger inside of her

It feels so good.

“Good,” his voice whispers, she pushes his fingers deeper “And this?”

That feels amazing.

“Wonderful,” she hears in his delicious low growl as if he were right there with her. She closes her eyes and leans back on the headboard, imagining Alastor’s fingers in place of her own, before the door creaks and her eyes snap open, her fingers flying out with some of her juices still left on them.

It’s Velvette, she enters the room wearing a long silk robe, not closing the door all the way before turning to the doe.

“So you are still up? Amazing!” her voice is deep and seductive. She assesses the situation “I see you’re already getting started. Well, no shame in that,” She drops her robe on the floor, revealing a black set of lingerie. She crawls into the bed and sucks the juices off of Voe’s fingers, making her cunt twitch as she watches. With a blank look, Voe reaches for her face and Velvette swats her hands away. “Ah ah ah,” she wiggles her finger. “Come to me,” and she does. 

Velevette tilts her chin up, kissing her with the utmost intensity. A beautiful kiss from beautiful lips, but she needed more. It was not enough. She removes Voe’s shirt, then shorts and panties, laying her down on the bed when the door opens once more

“Wow, someone’s eager. You’ve already gotten started!” It was Vox, entering the room shirtless, his deep voice carrying around the room

Voe does not know what to make of his appearance, she stops and takes a look at Velvette for an explanation. When Vox begins removing his pants, then it makes sense. 

“So you’re joining us?”

The Overlords light up “There she is!” Velvette exclaims, kissing her chest

Vox smirks “I was starting to think that mouth stopped working. And yes, I will,” His boxers come off and reveal a thin dark blue erect cock. Voe takes a long look at it before Vox tongues her, moving behind her to lick every inch of skin he can reach. He reaches in front of her, palming her breasts from behind. Voe closes her eyes, trying to relax when the door busts open. Obviously, it’s Valentino, who’s completely naked, leaving nothing to be desired.

“Come on! Why do you guys always start without me?”

“Why do you insist on being late!” Vel scolds him

“At least he’s already ready,” Vox breathes on the back of Voe’s neck, making her shiver

“Wow…those are some moth…balls” was all Voe could think of to say

Valentino gives a sly grin “Why thank you,” he purrs 

His dick is already up as well, which did not surprise her. Val’s probably horny more often than me, she thought. When she looked back at his face, she was filled to the brim with anger, why should he get to explore her body? Why should any of them? After the shit they pulled? She wanted this, but she knew she didn’t deserve it, and it disgusted her the looks they gave each other and her as if they…deserved it. Like it was owed to them. 

Voe is on her hands and knees, kissing Velvette passionately before she feels sharp fingers on her waist. It’s Vox, he pulls her backward and onto his erect penis. Voe gasps once it slips inside her and moans when he starts to bounce her on it. Voe throws her head back, angry at herself for loving how his cock felt inside her.

“Yeah, that’s right, like you much better like this,” he grunts to her, wrapping his hand around her throat “Maybe I’ll put my name around this pretty neck. How do you feel about that dollface?”

Voe doesn’t answer, only rolling her hips against him. The thought of wearing Vox’s name felt enraging like he was claiming ownership of her, like she was property and not a person. She starts bouncing more intensely on his dick, eliciting loud moans from him.

Velvette reaches out for her and her hands land on Voe’s breast, massaging it for a few, before bringing it to her lips. She begins suckling and Voe presses her head forward. Voe turns to Valentino and signals for him to come closer, when he does she pulls him by the chain connecting his nipple rings, before whispering

“Bite me,”

He runs his thin tongue over his sharp teeth “I wanna hear you beg amorcita,” 

Voe’s eyes roll so far back into her head that her pupils are invisible for a moment. “I don’t have to do shit, you’re not the boss of me,” He gives her a wild grin before he sinks his teeth into the supple flesh of her earlobe, traveling down her jawline, past her throat, and to her chest, leaving bites all along the path. He uses two of his arms to keep her back straight while Vox is still thrusting into her cunt.

“Isn’t she such a good fucking girl?” Velvette asks, running her hand down to Voe’s clit

“Yes, she is,” Vox grunts “She takes my cock so good,”

Voe closes her eyes to try and tune them out. Fuck them. She hated them. But it felt so good.

“Alastor,” Rosie starts slowly, knowing that the next thing that she says is going to be difficult for both of them “Do you want some advice?”

“Yes,” he mumbles into his elbow

Rosie sighs “Then I need to know how you feel,”

“I already told you I’m…heartbroken,”

“No,” Rosie corrected him “How do you feel about her?”

Alastor lifts his head up and stares at her “Well, I hardly see how that would help,”

“Okay. Alastor what are you upset about? The fact that this information about you has been revealed or that Voe did it?”

He stares at her blankly “I am certain that both things are upsetting to me,”

“Right, but normally, you would be angry. Which one has you crying?”

Alastor lowers his head back to the mattress after a moment of thought about the question “That she did it,” he mumbles

“Right, so for me to help you, I need to know how you feel about her.” Rosie leans forward “You must like her a lot!”

He raises an eyebrow “Why do you say that?”

“Alastor, I have never seen you sob in a ball in my house. Plus you told her all the things that you’ve only told me. You never let people in, especially not that fast, and you’re wearing her name on your body. This is no casual thing, you have never behaved like this before,”

“I must say I did have very strong feelings…now I’m not so sure,”

“Does that mean you don’t have any feelings for her?”

He breathes out “I don’t know anymore,”

“Oh Alastor, you need some time to think. Don’t make such rash decisions in this state,”

“I don’t know, I just don’t know,” he groans

Rosie cracks a smile “Is it possible that maybe she feels bad about it?”

Alastor looks at her like she’s insane “Am I supposed to immediately forgive her because she feels bad? Does that just make it all better?”

“Now I never said that,”

“Then what should I think Rosie?”

She shrugs “I don’t know,”

When Angel went to work, he went in searching for some sign of Voe, anything at all to know if she was alright. Once he was able to get away from Val, he snuck up to Velvette’s studio, getting a glimpse of the inside through the window on the door. She’s sitting on a chair with no expression, crossing her arms. Angel taps on the window hoping to get her attention. It takes about a minute for her to look up and acknowledge him. he gestures for her to meet him outside, she rolls her eyes and walks out the door.

“Hey,” Angel greets her awkwardly “What’s going on?”

She looks around “Nothing. Velvette is off doing business and I’m just sitting here because she doesn’t have anything for me to do,”

“But, how are you feeling? I know everything that went down was…pretty crazy. I- well we all wanted to know if you’re okay,” He shuffles on his feet

Voe purses her lip “All of you?”

“Yeah,”

She raises her eyebrow “Everyone?”

He nods “Yeah,”

“I highly doubt that,” 

“Well you wouldn’t know, you haven’t been there in a while,”

Voe just blinks

Angel sighs “Look, I’ll just go. I just wanted to see how you were.” He turns to go “Stop by the hotel anytime,”

“Angel,” she calls after him with no observable tone

“Yeah?” he responds quickly, hoping to get something that he can tell the others

She purses her lips and then speaks “Don’t come in tomorrow,”

He raises his eyebrow “What?”

“Do not come to work tomorrow. Even if you are called, do not come.”

“Why?”

“Just don’t,”

Angel looks around as the doe keeps the straightest of faces “Is that all?”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s been two weeks and all you’ve said to me was a thumbs-up emoji! We’ve been worried sick about you!”

Voe blinks for longer than usual “Well you won’t have to worry for much longer,”

“Voe you’re scaring me,”

She gives him a small smile, her tone still unchanging “Don’t be scared, it will all be fine. Bye,” she waves and disappears into Velvette’s studio without another word.

“Do you believe in fate Alastor?”

He scoffs dismissively 

“I’m serious, do you?”

“No,”

“Well, I do, and I’m going to use fate to help you,” Rosie pulls out her smartphone that she very rarely uses “I’m doing this for you Alastor,” it takes her quite some time to unlock, and navigate the device but once she has she opens Sinstagram. “Look,”

Alastor lifts his head and gets irrationally annoyed “Rosie dear, why would I want to see that?!”

“I just want to show you something, listen to me,”

He does, with his eyebrows still furrowed

Rosie closes her eyes and states “If Voe is live right now, that means that she’s sorry about what she did, and you need to at least give her a chance to apologize,”

“Rosie…”

“No just wait, if I’m wrong then I’m wrong,” she scrolls through the feed for a few minutes coming upon Voe’s icon, blurred out and reading ‘LIVE’.

Alastor’s ears perk up and he leans in “How did you know that?”

“I didn’t,” Rosie gave him a smirk

“Do you know her schedule?”

Rosie raises her right hand “Alastor I swear to you that I haven’t used this thing in months. I had no idea. I’m telling you, this is fate,”

His ears twitch “Do another,”

Rosie gives him a soft smile “You do one. Let’s say, Voe cares about you, if…?” she looks to him for the condition

Alastor’s ears won’t stop moving, along with his twitching nose as he thinks. His grin grows wider as he thinks he’s finally stumped Rosie “How about if she’s wearing red?”

“Why red?”

He sits up further “It’s my color darling,”

“That’s my Alastor! Now how much red are we talking?’

“Any,”

“Okay!”

Alastor was certain that he had beaten Rosie at her own game, he knew that Voe only wore the color pink, so he knew that when Rosie pressed that live he would see…

“Now Voe, you haven’t done a live in a while. For you to remain marketable, you have to stay connected with the public. So tonight you’ll be doing one here in the studio. Alastor is trending right now, so Vox wants you to talk about him more,”

Voe long blinks “What more could he want me to say??”

“Maybe about what he’s like in bed or something,” The doll shrugs

Voe blushes and looks away “That’s private,”

“Yeah well, that’s showbiz,” she turns to walk away “Oh by the way, Vox wants you in blue,”

Voe is confused “Why blue?”

“That’s Vox’s signature color, so he wants you to wear it,”

She crosses her arms “Why is he acting like we’re dating all of a sudden?”

“Oh no he’s not, he just wants you to follow his rules. You know men.” she waves her off

“Yeah, but he’s talking about me wearing his name and now his color,”

Velvette is flippant “Eh. He says he had the outfit he wants you to wear sent to your room,”

Voe groans and turns away from her

“Don’t be all pouty, it’s just a live. You can even make things up, nobody will even know the difference,”

“I don’t want to talk about that!”

“Well you need to talk about something, it’s going on in 20,”

Voe is unnerved “20?!”

Vel nodded “20,” and walked away, staring down at her phone. Voe enters her room, seeing the dress Vox had picked out lying on the bed for her. Accompanying it is a typed note reading ‘Hope you have a good live cutie 😉. Welcome to the Vees’ and a box with a necklace that reads his name. She paused, this man was serious??

I am not wearing that. She tosses the necklace somewhere she can’t see and examines the dress, something feeling off about it. Everyone knew that pink was her signature color, which was fine before. Now he wanted her to match him. She held the dress against her body, unsure it would fit. Voe groans, blue just didn’t do it for her.

Voe slips on a red dress with lace trimmings around her neck, longer in the back than in the front and some red wrap-around pumps. She gives herself a once over, deciding that something is missing. She pulls out her gift from Alastor, watching it shine in the light. She fastens it around her neck and for the first time in two weeks, smiles. 

She stands her phone up on her tripod, setting it the perfect distance and starting the live from her Sinstagram with the entire studio to herself. She sits on a chair, her legs crossed, showcasing her shoes and her ankles. She sits in silence, waiting for the viewers to come in.

Of course, the questions come in immediately.

oh shit!!! where you been bitch?????

wat u been up 2?

u look sexy

bout 2 spill more ☕️??

wats gud bitch

“Hey guys, I know y’all haven’t seen me in a while. Sorry for the hiatus, I’ve been absent for a while trying to rethink and reevaluate things going on in my life. Who missed me?”

🙋🏽‍♀️🙋🏽‍♀️🙋🏽‍♀️

🙋🏽🙋🏽

🙋🏽‍♂️🙋🏽‍♂️🙋🏽‍♂️🙋🏽‍♂️🙋🏽‍♂️🙋🏽‍♂️🙋🏽‍♂️

🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

“I’m here to give everyone more information on Sinstagram’s #1 trending topic,” she spreads her arms “The Radio Demon,” she smirks

OH SHIT

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSS

YAS QUEEN GIVE US THE TEA!!!11!!!!!!!!11

“I was instructed to talk about the time I spent with him and the things I’ve learned, you know besides all the shit Vox said on his late-night show,”

The Vees enter the studio together, shocked to see that Voe had already begun the live, and definitely shocked to see what she had on.

“Why is she wearing that? I told her what to wear!” he whispers to Velvette

Velvette shrugs “I don’t know, I told her what you wanted!”

Valentino puts two of his hands on his hips “Is it just me or does she look kind of sexy?”

Voe glances up over her phone, seeing the Overlords by the entrance, she smirks knowingly, putting a confused and frustrated expression on Vox’s face.

“And I will discuss it, but before we get to that I see that a lot of people are still asking me about becoming an Overlord,” her eyes scan the phone screen as Vox turns to Velvette in anger on the sidelines. Velvette shrugs, unaware of what is going on either. Voe stands slowly “As I was told earlier, there are two main ways of becoming an Overlord,” Vox begins to approach the doe “The first is obviously by collecting and owning souls, and the other is by” Vox reaches out his hand and places it on Voe’s shoulder as her eyebrows furrow. She lowers the pitch of her voice “Killing other Overlords,”

Voe grabs Vox’s wrist with both hands, swinging him around and launching him into the wall behind them. Valentino and Velvette’s jaws are on the floor, giving Voe time to transition into her much larger demon form. With full force, her dragon wings carry her headfirst into Valentino, her horns piercing his chest.

She pulls her horns out of the moth who doubles over in pain. Velvette takes off to protect herself. She returns to the camera with the Overlord’s blood dripping down her horns and head “For now, a few words about Vox!” she grins “You all know Vox, right?” She gestures to the TV demon in the corner, who is now struggling to stand after the pain and shock of being thrown “Vox is…” she purses her lips. “Immature, as I’ve been told. I mean clearly, you all don’t give a damn that he has cameras literally everywhere since he can’t control the narrative without knowing literally everything that’s going on all the time, but Vox!” she laughs and turns to him “You’re pathetic!”

Valentino sneaks up from behind, grabbing her with all of his arms. She struggles to get free, squirming and kicking when Val rips the skin off her shoulder with his teeth. Voe screams out in pain and yanks on one of the moth’s arms. He grabs her, lifting her up by her throat, squeezing tight. 

“Dumb bitch!” he snarls as Voe’s legs flail in the air and he reaches to pull her apart.

Voe yanks the arm holding her as hard as possible, ripping it clean off the moth’s body, more of his blood spilling all over the place as he falls backward. Voe lays on the ground, catching her breath and prying the fingers from around her throat.

“What was I saying?” she gasps, running over to stomp Valentino and yank off another of his arms “Oh right Vox.” she wipes hair from her face “Vox!” she catches the Overlord trying to flee. Superspeeding to his location she gives him one quick punch to the screen, leaving some broken glass lodged in her knuckles, and a forceful kick to his chest, launching him to the center of the room. “You’re the one who’s obsessed with someone who doesn’t even THINK about you! Like, how embarrassing! You even dress like him! I mean seriously, imitation is a form of flattery but this is just a fixation! You just hate Alastor because you’re the over-saturated remake and he’s the original that you wanna hate fuck. Yes, we ALL know about your body pillow Vox! Alastor had more talent and charm in his pinkie finger than you have on your entire screen! Ever wonder why he’s such huge competition when you have all these flashy visual gimmicks and all he has is his VOICE?! That should tell you something you piece of tangled-up HDMI cables!”

Voe stands over Vox with her foot pressed down on his ankle, hearing it break, and Vox bellows in pain. Blood dripped down her face, over her chin. She turns to the camera that’s surprisingly still standing.

“You know what? I miss my mom too. My mom, my dad, and my little sister!” She steps on Vox’s other ankle, her heel digging into his flesh. “Sometimes, I feel like shit as well, but then I remember that I’m…that…BITCH!!” she waves around Valentino’s detached arms

She hears a loud CRACK and feels a sharp pain in her leg, blood dripping down it as she collapses shrieking. Her hands tremble as she removes them from the wound, a massive amount of blood pouring out of her appendage. She looks up and sees Valentino, smoke wafting from one of his handguns, a giant smirk on his face. He fires again and hits her square in the arm, knocking her down again, her screams echoing throughout the building. She struggles to breathe as the pain takes over her entire body. 

“You know I’ve killed bitches for less than this!” Valentino sounds pissed and amused at the same time. He stalks over to her, ready to finish the job, Voe lifts her head off the ground and weakly spits out “Cheater,” 

Valentino shrugs “Cheater or not, I still win chica,” grinning as he cocks the gun ready to shoot. Voe blinks twice, mustering all the strength she has to inhale and let a ragged cry rip through her gut, an inferno erupting from behind her lips and launching at the large bug.

“AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!” he screeches, falling backward, flailing and twitching as he burns, dropping the gun on the ground

Voe sits up and uses her wings to hover over the Overlord. She scoops up the gun and shoots him once in the torso “That’s for shooting me bitch,” then spits on him. He’s not dead quite yet, however. Voe returns to the camera, taking deep breaths between each phrase. “And just like I’m that bitch, Alastor is that dude, that guy! And I’m sorry…” she stares into the screen with genuine remorse “I’m sorry that I ever doubted it, and you know what if y’all ever doubt it…” her voice gets deep and gravelly “You’ll be sorry too,” She pushes a file cabinet at Val, who is trying to get up once more her “If he doesn’t make sure you’re sorry, I will,” she floats toward Val, who is pinned to the floor by the cabinet. Voe tries to pretend she’s not out of breath “Hey Val,” Voe gets up close and personal with the moth whose remaining arms are bound “This is for Angel.” and using her teeth, rips his head clean off his shoulders.

Voe hovers back in front of the phone, which is now stained with blood. She shows off her trophy to all of her fans, who are going crazy in the comments.

YOOOOO

THIS BITCH CRAZYYYYY

YO WTFFFF

IM SCARED FR

🫢🫢🫢🫢🫢🫢

IMMA BE SICK 😱😱😱

🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

GET HIM VOE!!

HATE THOSE MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!

Voe catches her breath, her wounds still bleeding profusely and her body running on pure adrenaline. Her voice comes from the depths of her body and she screams 

“From this point on, when you see the letter ‘V’ you think of me! ‘V’ is for Voe; the fucking Billboard Doe!”

She approaches Vox, who is clinging to life with his broken and warped screen. She steps on his stomach, looking down at him with disgust.

“I gave you what you wanted,” he sputters out

Voe shrugs “Wasn’t worth what I lost,” her sharp nails pierce his flesh, as she rips his heart directly out of his chest. The TV Demon falls dead, his heart dripping in the Billboard Doe’s grip. She turns to the camera once more and says “It would be totally badass if I just took a bite of this, but I won’t because that would be gross,” she observes it more “Hmm, thought it would be blue,” and just drops it on the ground with a SPLAT.

She goes over to her phone and ends the live, sitting on the floor as her blood begins to pool. She tries wiping the blood stains off her phone, and smears it more, which frustrates her. She groans and limps into the room they had given her, into the bathroom. She wets some tissue and sits on the toilet to breathe. She gets her phone clean and searches the bathroom for first aid equipment. She uses tweezers to pull the bullets out of her wounds, then cleans them as best as possible. She wrapped the bullet wounds in gauze and slammed a large adhesive bandage over the bite. How many injuries did these bitches get during sex? She takes the time just to sit and take in her new situation, preferring to leave the blood on her, feeling kind of tough after that entire ordeal. She leans back on the wall when her ears twitch, she’s silent when the door outside of the bathroom creaks. Slowly standing, she leans out to see what made the noise, and Velvette launches herself at the doe with a dagger, knocking her back into the bathroom. She and her boss struggle, as the doll tries to stab the doe, the dagger shining in the light. Voe grabs the rubbing alcohol and throws it in her boss’s eyes, causing her to stumble backward, slipping on the blood and landing on her back.

Voe wrestles the dagger out of Vel’s hands and tries to subdue the doll.

“After all I’ve done for you! This is how you repay me?” she spits

“Done for me? You were using me the whole time! For influence, for sex, and revenge!”

“You got what you wanted, didn’t you? I’d say that’s a fair trade! Don’t act like you’re all innocent, you used Alastor the same way we used you. You belong here!”

Voe squints and punches Velvette square in the face “Difference is, I regret it,” she gets off the doll and starts to limp away, when the doll grabs her ankle making Voe fall on her face. She turns to make eye contact with the other demoness.

Velvette spits out a glob of blood, lifting her head as her arms struggle to keep herself up “You can’t kill me. The most you can do is defend yourself because no matter what you do, I still own you.” She smiles, a few of her teeth missing. 

At that exact moment, the air was filled with loud static, and the sky turned green. Both women look around in confusion before long black tentacles shoot through the windows enveloping everything. The building is then lifted off the very ground and tilted. Velvette grabs Voe’s hand as they both slide across the floor and out the window.

Once they’ve slid out the window, Voe uses her wings to keep them both from falling flat on the ground. Velvette grips her fingers as she dangles in the air, Voe takes a breath and is hit with a familiar and beautiful smell. She slowly turns and takes in the entire sight. Thick black tentacles wrap around the broken building, sliding and squirming. Her eyes trace them back to a giant version of a familiar red pinstripe suit, giant antlers, and radio-dial eyes.

Voe can barely see through the sting of the tears in her eyes “Alastor?” she calls out instinctively

He turns to her, dropping the building callously, “T̷̛̠̜̫̜̄͑͋̈ͅH̴̢̛͕̗̆̍͛I̶̺̞̱͒̃̉S̵͉̼̖̞̥̖̪͕̓̕̚̚ ̸͚̫͔͖̻͌̏̈I̶̤͗̂͛S̸̤̳̞͔̿̅͒͛ ̷̱̦̪̗̱̟͈͎̋̉́̈́́̽͆͝T̶̮͛̊͆H̶̛̥̮̼̥͕̞̽̍̑̌̇̽͐Ě̸͖̻̞̼̮̼̗̂͂͂̉͐̏̕ ̸̠̦̞̙̊͌̾̔̈́̈́ͅE̷̬̘͉͎͉̔̾̄̂̿̓N̸̤̈́͒̈́D̸̨̳̣̈́̎̕̚ ̸̪̙̗̬̲̭̆̃̌̎̉͝͝Ǒ̵͙F̵͙̙͍̰͈̿̋͂̀͗͒͝ ̵̧̪͔̭̯̫̙̗̀̚̕T̷̜̬́͌͝H̸͍̞͉̺̼͕̲̣͂̒͊͂̃̔͋E̸̟̟͙͕̣̭͓̋͌̔͝ ̷̖̮̟̆͒̈́͆V̴̞̥͓̻̮̙̦̼͘͘E̸͈̅̈́Ë̸̡͚̰̺̩́̀͌̒̈͝S̴̪̟̝̲̰̪̍̐͂͠!” the words filled every facet of the airways, through speakers, radios, cellphones, and televisions. His voice was heard by every soul in the pride ring.

Velvette slipped out of Voe’s grip and into the grip of one of the wriggling tentacles, where she came face-to-face with the giant wicked grin of the Radio Demon. 

“Alastor! Don’t kill her!” He stops in his pursuit, dangling Velvette over his open waiting jaw. The doll demon sweats and shivers in fear, but the Radio Demon does as he’s told “I can’t kill you, but he can. Now, you can either free me or die” She stares into the doll’s eyes “Which is it gonna be?”

“FUCK YOU!” Velvette 

Voe waves her off “Yeah yeah, been there done that. Now make a choice!” She shrugs “I win either way,”

“I GAVE YOU WHAT ASKED FOR! WHAT YOU WANTED!!”

“What I thought I wanted,”

Velvette flails, realizing there’s nowhere for her to go, with a defeated scowl she pulls out the signed contract and hands it to Alastor, as a last ‘fuck you’ to Voe, flipping her off in the process.

Voe claps and smiles “Okay great, go ahead Alastor,”

Velvette’s eyes shoot open “WAIT, WHAT? BUT I-!” her words are cut off as she’s swallowed by the Radio Demon, finally putting an end to the Vees and their reign of terror.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The walk back to the hotel was silent and awkward. When they walked in Charlie charged them with tears in her eyes.

“Oh my gosh, I was worried sick about you two! I saw everything online! Are you all okay?!” she pulls Voe into a tight hug

She recoils in pain “Ow!”

“Sorry sorry sorry!” Charlie notices the blood all over her “Oh my gosh are you okay?”

“Well, I’m starting to feel the pain the longer I stand here…and the more you touch me,”

Charlie pulls her hands back “Sorry!” she turns to Alastor, who stares down at her, and she stares up at him.

Alastor clears his throat “Charlie…”

“Alastor,” she adjusts her stance

“I owe you an apology. I am terribly sorry for overstepping and overriding your authority.”

Charlie tears up “Oh Alastor, are you apologizing?”

Alastor’s eyes dart around “Yes?”

“Oh Alastor!” Charlie walks toward him with her arms outstretched

“Charlie…Charlie-oh alright,” he stiffens when she embraces him “Charlie dear, your tears are getting on my coat,”

“Sorry,” she sobs. Charlie wipes her eyes “Oh! Welcome back!” She pulls out a golden bracelet and fastens it on Alastor’s wrist. It reads ‘It Starts With Sorry’. “I’m starting to give out rewards for milestones!”

“I’m also sorry, for not taking this seriously and for putting my desires over the…collective?” She thinks and decides that’s what she wants to say

“Apology accepted to you too!” She says to Voe

Voe holds her arm “Thanks,” and purses her lips. She walks up to Angel and waves

“Look who’s back,” he smirks

Voe pulls out his contract and holds it out for him to take.

“What’s this?”

She smiles “Your freedom,”

Angel takes the contract smiling and tears up. He hugs her tightly with all six arms.

“Ow,” she squeaks

“Sorry,”

“She was going to bring his head, but I talked her out of it,” Alastor mused behind them

“Thank you,”

“You’re welcome,”

Alastor places his hand on Voe’s shoulder “Come now, let’s get you cleaned up,”

After a long and warm bath, Voe sits on her knees in front of Alastor at his mercy. She sits with her palms on the floor and her eyes on her fingers. 

“I’m so sorry,” she speaks wistfully.

“Hmm?”

She doesn’t even look up to see his expression “I’m so sorry that I hurt you. I’m sorry that I took advantage of your kindness and used them for my own gain. For what it’s worth, the moment I truly knew you, I regretted it. I know it doesn’t mean anything, but I mean it,” She watches his shoes as he paces before her. Once his feet cease moving, the sweat begins rolling down her forehead. His hand approaches her face and lifts her chin to look him in his eyes.

“Stand up,” he orders and she does, his hand still on her chin “Watch me very closely.” She swallows heavily as Alastor pulls out the contract that states his new ownership of her soul. He doesn’t even bother to unravel it before throwing the paper in the fireplace. Voe blinks back tears as they both watch the paper burn into nothing but ash. She cannot stop the tears from flowing down her cheeks as she looks at the Overlord before her.

“But Alastor-“

“I may have spoken rashly while overcome with emotion. I took the time you were gone to reconsider my statements and where you stand in my….heart” He states, “You seem genuinely penitent of your actions and recognize them as the mistakes they were, and I came to this conclusion.” He turns to face her “You are flawed, and you are beautiful.”

“So does that mean I’m-?”

“Forgiven. Indeed it does.” Voe fought the urge to rush the red demon with physical affection, and as if he could read her mind he spoke again. “You may embrace me if you like.”

She rushes him with a hug that Alastor was only mildly prepared for, jerking at the amount of force his body was hit with. Once over the initial shock, however, Alastor dissipates his cane and wraps one of his arms around his doe, using the other hand to stroke her hair.

“Thank you,” she speaks into his chest, rubbing her face into it.

“You’re welcome. Did you mean those things you said to Vox about me?” She blushes and looks up at him with a shy smile, nodding. “Well, then you wouldn’t mind helping me clean up that fiasco you unwittingly caused. I do still have a reputation to uphold.”

“Um, okay. How?”

“Figure something out, my dear!”

She stops to think for a few moments, digging deep down into her brain “Maybe we could lean into it?”

“Explain.”

“Maybe…we could be a thing?”

Alastor raises his brow in confusion “I cannot court someone I am not in love with.”

“We wouldn’t be ‘dating’, we’d be…partners.”

“Partners?”

“Yeah, we’re closely involved with one another. But I wouldn’t be your ‘girlfriend’” She rolls her eyes at the thought. 

“What’s the difference between that and a friendship?”

“There are rules, or well commitments that each party has to follow up on to keep this a partnership. You can’t just go off all willy-nilly. Well I guess you can if you want to” she laughs “It can be as chaotic as you like.”

Alastor tilts his head “That sounds confusing.”

She doesn’t miss a beat with her mischievous smile “So are we.” Alastor takes a moment to consider her words “Listen we both know you have…feelings for me and I have…feelings for you. We might as well embrace the inevitable. It was bound to happen anyway. “

He stands in front of her thinking about it, debating on if this is good for him and his image. 

“To lay down some rules then.” He sits down and crosses his legs “From this moment forward, you are not to bless anyone else with your…company. “

“What? What am I supposed to do when it’s not mating season?” She stepped forward “I can’t just wait to have sex for a few months every year!”

“While I normally do not crave sexual intimacy, I am perfectly content with fulfilling your needs. Besides, there are other things outside of penetration, my dear.” His smile turns into a smirk

“Okay.. well what else?”

“You are allowed to continue to touch me..with the exchange of you no longer touching others.”

“In what way?”

“Intimately or sexually of course. I’m not a monster.”

She smirks back at him “Ha. You and I both know that you are.” She leans on the wall “Tell me the rest.”

“Only a few more.” He closes his eyes while gesturing with his hands “I will not engage in public displays of affection. And lastly, I do enjoy kissing you, so that will continue.” He lays his hands back down on his knees “That is all.”

Voe crosses her arms and shifts her weight to one side “Can I sit on your lap?”

“Yes.” He speaks factually while uncrossing his legs

She approaches and takes a seat on him. “Okay…so some rules for you..” she thinks “No calling me by my given name in front of people. When you speak to me, no radio filter, and take pictures with me. If I ask you to spend time with me, then you do. Lastly, I would like you to touch me more.”

“How would you like me to touch you?”

“Any way. Just not rough, keep that in the bedroom. I’m soft.” She places her hands on her stomach. 

Alastor uses his sharp fingers to climb up her back. “Is that all?” he asks, his voice devoid of filter

“Um, call me a good girl.”

Alastor chuckles deeply “You and I both know that you’re not,” grinning smugly

“Just call me one!”

“Fair enough.” He puts his hand on her shoulder and smiles, staring into her eyes. 

“No contracts?”

He breathes deeply “None.”

They look at each other with understanding, grabbing each other’s hands. 

“Deal.”

Alastor gently grabs Vera’s face and rubs his nose against hers, which she happily reciprocates.

THE END...

(just because! lol)

[ellethespaceunicorn]

Love, Napoleon!: Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Sweet Desserts and Sweeter Kisses

Rating: Explicit, 18+, Minors - DNI

Pairing: Napoleon Solo x Black!OFC

Fandom: The Man from U.N.C.L.E.

Word Count: 1.9K

Series Summary: Love letters can only do so much, sometimes you need a grand romantic gesture. This is the love story of Napoleon “Leon” Solo and Roberta “Bobbie” Collins.

Chapter Summary: Bobbie and Leon entertain Gaby and Illya.

Warnings: p-in-v sex, creampie, fluff

A/N: Unbeta’d, we die like people who tried their best. 

Dividers by: @saradika-graphics 

Support/Reblog banner by me

Cover Art by me

Series Masterlist

My Masterlist

“Leon! It’s been six months. You are now legally obligated to introduce me to your friends.” Bobbie moves around the kitchen, checking on various dishes on the stove and in the oven.

“Gaby is beside herself to meet you,” Leon acknowledges from his post, leaning in the doorway to the quaint kitchenette.

“Well, see? Gaby is excited, so why aren’t you?” She challenges, pulling out a baking dish from the oven and setting it on the counter.

“It’s not Gaby that I’m worried about. She’s a sweetheart once you get past the tough exterior. But Illya? Tough is all he knows. I can’t exactly blame him,” he says, looking over to where Bobbie picked her head up and looked at him for more information. “And I can’t exactly tell you why that is. Sorry, love.”

“Right, right. Need-to-know basis. But not to worry; I’ve got a secret weapon for Illya. I made a dish specifically for him. And if I know anything, it’s the way to a man’s heart, and that is through his stomach. So, even though this is nerve-wracking as all get out, I think he’s going to at least tolerate it,” she huffs, balling up a dishtowel before tossing it on the counter.

Napoleon walks up behind Bobbie and wraps his arms around her, his head resting on her shoulder as he pulls her into him. “You know, I am so proud of you for putting all this together for my friends. You’ve done so much to make everything perfect, and I think you deserve a little treat of your own.”

“What are you-” Bobbie starts, only to be cut off by the shock of Napoleon’s hand smoothing down her sweater-covered breast and further down over her corduroy knee-length skirt. When it disappears under the fabric, she squirms. “Leon, they’re gonna be here any minute!”

“Well then, I’d better make this fast,” he whispers. Walking backward, Napoleon rests his hips against the counter behind him. Holding Bobbie against himself with one hand across her middle and one in her panties, he continues toying with her swelling clit until her legs buckle. “There she is, so close already.”

“Leon…please,” she trails off, her wringing hands at her sides. She knows if she reaches for his hand, he will stop. Throwing her head back against his chest, she looks up into his face and witnesses how much he truly enjoys having this power over her. That doesn’t stop her from pleading with her big brown eyes.

“Oh, you know exactly what that look does to me,” he growls, leaning down to capture her lips with his own. His hand that was around her middle comes up to cradle her face, his thumb caressing her cheek as she stands on her tiptoes to deepen the kiss. Breaking the kiss, Napoleon turns them around to face the counter, pulling Bobbie’s skirt up and her panties down. “That kiss of yours is going to be the death of me.”

He has his pants unzipped, his cock pulled out, and inside of her in record time. He knew he wouldn’t last long, not that it mattered. His main goal is to get her off so her mind clears. He moves his hips back before slamming them back in, and she is already putty in his hands.

Within minutes, he has Bobbie on the brink of her orgasm. He’s holding her there, his hands on her hips, as he maintains a punishing pace. With every thrust, he pushes her closer to the edge, only to catch her before she can fall. Only when he’s ready will he allow her to come crashing down.

Judging by the footfalls and the sound of the front door of the apartment building closing, he doesn’t have much time. Luckily, he knows how to play her body. His right hand finds her puffy clit while his left hand migrates to her throat. 

Whispering into her ear, “Come for me, pretty girl. Let go and show me you can follow directions like I know you can.”

As if by a magical spell, her walls clamped down around him. He had every intention of fucking her through her orgasm; he really did. But the grip her pussy had on his cock was enough to send him right over the horizon with her. His hips are still as he empties inside her, all while still managing to hold up both of their bodies.

Extricating himself from her hold, Napoleon squats down to pull Bobbie’s underwear back up her legs and rights her skirt again before fixing his clothing.

“I am going to be thinking about my cum leaking out of you all night long,” he sighs, kissing her forehead when she turns around to face him.

Just as she opens her mouth, three sharp knocks sound on the door to her apartment. They fuss over each other for a moment, making sure it doesn’t look like they were just having sex. Once done, they go to the door to greet their guests.

Bobbie swings the door open, greeting the couple in her apartment. “Gaby, Illya. I’m Roberta, but you can call me Bobbie. So nice to finally meet you. I was starting to believe you might be a figment of Leon’s imagination.” She takes their coats, and Napoleon gets drinks ready for them.

“I hope Leon’s imagination flattered me, at least,” Gaby laughs, sipping her dirty martini and winking at Napoleon.

“I only told her the good stuff,” Napoleon replies, bringing a Sazerac to Bobbie and a Manhattan for Illya.

Illya nods to Napoleon, smiles at Bobbie, and remains silent.

Bobbie ushers everyone to the dining table before she starts to bring out dish after dish of foods that are almost too beautiful to eat. Leaving dessert as a surprise, she comes back to the table, and everyone starts to serve themselves. As the first bites are taken, compliments are given to the chef.

“Bobbie, this is delectable,” Gaby hums, covering her mouth with her hand.

“Darling, you have outdone yourself,” Napoleon praises.

“Thank you. I’m so glad you like everything. I’ll be honest, I was nervous that I was going to burn something or undercook something. I was a wreck,” Bobbie giggles, looking over the faces of her boyfriend and her guests. “Eat up; I have a treat for dessert, and I hope you all like it.”

Illya eats in relative silence, not one emotion gracing his face. Bobbie has been secretly staring at him for most of dinner. When the meal is complete, Gaby volunteers to clear the plates away, and the women retreat to the kitchen. While they are out of earshot, Napoleon turns on the record player, and the smooth sounds of Peggy Lee’s Fever fill the air. 

“Peril, what game are you playing at?” Napoleon cuts to the chase, motioning for Illya to sit on the couch with him.

“It’s been a long time since I had dinner with a civilian. My social skills may not be the best. If I don’t say anything, I won’t accidentally-”

“Have a good time?” Napoleon supplies, cutting off Illya.

Illya rolls his eyes. “I’m not afraid to have a good time. I'm worried about getting close to new people. I don’t know how to be a civilian. I’m an agent,” he says, crossing his arms.

“She’s not going to say anything, so I will. You’re on the verge of being rude. So, do yourself a favor and speak to my lovely before she thinks you don’t like her; that’s if she doesn’t already think that,” Napoleon huffs, tilting his head at Illya.

The girls come out of the kitchen with dessert already plated with a big scoop of vanilla ice cream. Gaby places two plates on the coffee table while Bobbie serves Napoleon and Illya. Noticing the look of surprise on Illya’s face, Bobbie thinks the worst.

“Is there something wrong?” she supposes.

“Not at all. I haven’t had sharlotka since I was a little boy. My mother used to let me help make it for special occasions,” he marvels, taking a bite and closing his eyes before nodding and saying, “This is perfect. So was dinner. I apologize for my earlier silence; please don’t think I am dissatisfied with you.”

“Don’t worry about it. I figured you would be the hard sell. Luckily, I had the idea for the sharlotka and knew if anything, you’d at least be impressed by me,” Bobbie jokes, taking a bite of the dish. “Oh wow, you weren’t kidding. That is going in the recipe book, for sure.”

“I’ll have to get that recipe from you. I think you’ve made Illya’s new favorite,” Gaby chuckles, smiling at her husband when a blush creeps up on his face.

When dessert is done, the couples talk for a while over coffee before Illya notices Gaby nuzzling into his side and suggests that they end the night’s fun. By this time, Napoleon is already a pillow for Bobbie as she leans into him from her spot on the couch.

Napoleon picks up Bobbie’s head from his lap, depositing it on the couch after he gets up, not wanting to wake her up just yet. He walks Gaby and Illya to the door, saying goodbye on behalf of himself and Bobbie and promising to tell her that they enjoyed themselves.

Closing the door behind them, he walks over to the couch, where a tired Bobbie is now hanging halfway off the couch. He knows today was a struggle for her; planning an entire dinner and entertaining is no short order. He is so proud of her, not just for today but in general. He thinks the world of her, and nothing could change his mind.

Picking up her limp body from the couch, he takes her into the bedroom and lays her down. He removes her shoes and his own before climbing into bed next to her. He laughs when she cuddles into him and wraps an arm and leg around him possessively. He plants a kiss on her forehead and is met with a mumble from Bobbie.

“What was that, little one?” He presses, cradling her sleepy face in his hand, unsure of what he heard.

“I said I love you, Leon,” she confesses, ducking her head and looking up at him.

Napoleon breaks out into a grin and leans down to kiss Bobbie, only to stop at the last second before their lips touch. Looking into her eyes, he says, “I love you too, Bobbie.”

Bobbie melts in his arms. She knows how Napoleon dotes on her and spoils her. But this love confession of his means the world to her. She also knows that she has loved him for some time now, but the timing was never right to tell him. 

Until tonight, this moment could not happen. Napoleon knew that if she didn’t get along with his fellow agents, it would be quite tricky. But watching her win over Gaby so easily and Illya so charmingly cements in his mind that she is worth every ounce of his love.

Of course, if you ask him, he’s loved her since their first kiss. If he’s honest with himself, he still feels butterflies when her lips touch his.

Chapter 5 (TBD)

A/N: This story is far from over. OMG, I missed my babies so much.

**Tag List**

@deandoesthingstome @cakesandtom @brattymum96 @ambinxe @avengersfan25 @kebabgirl67 @kingliam2019 @astheskycries @enchantedbytomandhenry @rebelangel1102 @thabiddie23 @sweetandgentlecreature @foxyjwls007 @art2emily @titty-teetee @juliaorpll78

Let me know if you wanna be added (or removed) 😁 If you are crossed out, I couldn't tag you

[mixelation]

FAQs

Housekeeping post! Last updated 29 June 2024.

General:

Who is Tori?

My OC! Check out her masterpost.

Do you have a tags masterpost?

I'm working on it. :)

How do I refer to you?

I've been telling people to call me Mixel, but some people call me Mix. I use she/they.

Can you tag something for me?

I am not good at remembering to tag things. In general, if you following a blog requires certain things to be tagged, I wouldn't recommend following this blog.

You didn't answer my ask!

I don't answer even close to every ask I get. It's nothing personal! Sometimes I don't have time or energy, sometimes I just don't have opinions on the thing, and sometimes I mean to answer later and then forget and then it gets buried. Sometimes this happens even if I've specifically asked for people to send me stuff via an ask meme. Sometimes I don't answer even when I really want to for various reasons.

Do you want a recommendation?

Please don't send me recommendations unless I have specifically asked for them.

Can I DM you?

I don't like getting DMs from people I don't know. Please don't DM me unless we've talked before (via comments, asks, etc -- anon does NOT count). If you have a question you don't want answered publicly, you can send me an ask and request it be answered privately.

Also: please do not send me posts with zero context. I cannot read your mind and I don't like not knowing what you expect me to do with the post (reblog it, talk to you about, etc). Yes, even if you think the context is obvious. You do not need many words to contextualize a post.

Do you have a DNI?

No, but relevant to being a fandom blog: I am a bonafide adult, and my view on shipping and other fandom activities is basically "I have no right to judge what fictional scenarios other people enjoy or want to explore." If either of those things make you uncomfortable, go ahead and block me.

Can I repost your content to another website? I'll credit you!

For fics, absolutely not. Do not repost any of my creative story writing, fanfic or original fic.

For generic tumblr posts, I am wary of giving permission to repost any sort of content on another site. I can’t stop you reposting screen caps of my posts, and I’m not going to hunt them down or (publicly) complain about screen caps of my post on other sites. But if you come to me actually asking for permission.... the answer is no.

Fandom and fics:

I came here to find the Plasticity AUs and what I found confuses and frightens me.

Not to worry! I made a masterpost.

Why did you change your user name?

Here's a post about it. Most relevant notes form that post: 1. Don't refer to me by my old user name, even on other sites. 2. If you find an old tumblr link that's broken, you can replace my old user name with "mixelation" and it will work again!

Can I do ______ with your fic?

I have a permissions statement on my AO3 profile. I try to keep this up-to-date as my feelings on how my work is used evolves.

Can I tag you/send you a post that reminds me of your fics?

Yes, but please explain that's what you're doing. Please don't send me context-less posts. I cannot read your mind through the internet.

I might retract permission for this if I start getting a ton, just for my own sanity. But so far it's been fine.

How do I send you fan art?

Most people have been sending them by asks, but you can also post them to your own blog and @ me, or else comment on the fic itself or send me a link via tumblr asks. Give me a few days to interact before following up.

When are you going to update _____? Is _____ abandoned?

I have a busy life and what fic I work on in my free time is controlled by the whims of my brain. There's no schedule and I am unlikely to be able to give you an estimate. I will tag a fic as abandoned on AO3 if I decide there's no way it will ever get updated. For some fics for which I get this a lot:

Homemade Dynamite - I actually have about 95% of chapter 13 written. Chapter 12, however, is only like half written and I have a pretty big block on it. :(

Fun and Games - I do hope to continue this one, and I have a decent chunk of the next chapter written, plus notes + an outline for the rest of the fic. Unfortunately, to keep writing it, I have to do a decent amount of research on HP canon, and certain recent events have really soured by motivation to interact with that canon.

I found a fic I think you would like!

Please see my answer about recommendations. Don't send them unless I've asked, no matter how good you think it is.

[shrimplymoray]

I'm gonna use the little bit of traction I got with my latest posts to share this

I have commissions opened and I really need the money for it

A little bit of background on myself (no need to see if you don't want to, it is just explaining why this, so out of nowhere)

I am a disabled Brazilian artist with a focus on fanart. I am from a poor family, we use all the money we have and a bit more we get from the help of friends to live by. I am the oldest of 3 siblings, and I live with my stepdad, my mother, my grandma, and my siblings. I have Level 1 Autism and Juvenile Myoclonic Epilepsy. I am over 18, but I am not able to work due to my autism limitations. I am currently studying ONLY because of a university program that pays all my university fees. My mom is on a medical retiring license off work because she has panic attacks at work. My stepdad is the only one in my house who works, and we use all that money in bills, food, and medicine. My younger siblings don't have the age to work, and my youngest one was diagnosed with autism together with ADHD.

Nowadays, we spend over 800 BRS on medicines, not counting other medical bills we have like my braces or therapy. My brother is getting as much for free, but I'm not so lucky, as I am a legal adult now. My family has been trying for 2 years to get a benefit from the government that would help us, but it is stuck in the judge's table, we can only wait for it.

I don't have therapy anymore, nor have a neurologist. I am without one of my medicines and don't have the money to go to my Psychiatrist to find a way to get more. I've recently found out I was groomed since I was 16, and I also deal with the past traumas of domestic abuse, sexual harassment, bullying, and more.

All the money I get is to try funding therapy for me. Whatever I get besides that is gonna go for me to buy a better computer so I can study and do more commissions. I also am engaged, and would like to save some money for when my fiancé comes to live with me, we can get married.

My whole goal with my art since the beginning was to share stories, make people see characters that they can relate to, and spread joy. My dreams are to be a webtoon artist, get married, and be able to afford a good life for my family, where my siblings won't need to wear hand-me-downs, where my mom will not need to go to work risking having a panic attack, where my grandma can relax and finally enjoy her retirement, where my stepdad can make a barbecue like he loves, and with as much hot sauce as he wants. Where my fiancé can relax and not need to wait over 4 years to see me again.

Any help, be it commissioning or even reblogging and spreading this, goes a long way. I have not forgotten the name of a single person who has commissioned me in the past, and I don't plan on forgetting anyone who does so in the future.

[ivorydragoness44]

Thackery Binx!cat x Reader: Lost

Word Count: ~540

Warnings: Angst, grief, crying… but they get to hug the cat and the ending is more happy or at least hopeful

Notes: This too started out as an imagine...in theory, but is now an insert reader. Also, I apologize for all of the possible misused ' thou's and such.

Summary: The Reader was a friend of Thackery Binx, but ever since the Sanderson Sisters took Emily Binx so unnaturally, no one knows what has become of Thackery. The Reader visits the witches’ house in their wanderings and finds a black cat.

~~~~ ~~~~

  Early in the morning, when sounds were scarce and even some of the farm animals were still resting peacefully, you were not. Through the long pale grass of the meadow, you walked. You only peered back toward the village once to check for any wandering eyes. Letting your legs carry you onward, your mind itself strayed.

  Could this have been the path that dear sweet Emily took when she was lured by the witch, and too, Thackery Binx? No one had a single answer as what had become of Emily’s older brother, it bothered you.

  Soon, the grassy meadow turned to woodland, and you were surrounded by trees. You walked on carefully until the house of the late Sanderson Sisters came into view as if unveiled by the trees. It was deathly still as if no creature wanted to venture near.

  It had been a few days since that fateful day, and you could not think of anything else. Thackery Binx was such a dear friend of yours and—

  “Aah!”

  The rustle of brush and the movement of something within startled you. Though you let out a breath in relief when you saw what it was.

  “Thou hast given me a fright,” you laughed at the black cat.

  He meowed up at you with the kindest eyes.

  “And what art thou doing over here all alone?” You asked, watching as he approached your legs, rubbing up against your skirt briefly. “Though, who am I to judge? Worry not, I’m not going to enter that house, and I do not think you should either.”

  Taking a seat on a nearby rock, so too did the cat, jumping up to join you.

  “Thou art a sweet one, aren’t you?” You praised, petting the top of his head gently as he nuzzled your palm. “I do not usually walk such a distance from home. Especially into the woods. But I fear that I have been troubled as of late,” you began to explain to the well attentive feline. “Elijah was the last to see my friend, Thackery. He ran off to save his sister, Emily from the three foul witches that lived here……I miss him terribly, and Emily, of course. I do not wish such a fate on anyone.” You paused, feeling the prickle of tears beginning to pool around your eyes. “Oh, I wish Thackery were here,” you sobbed. “How could he disappear? Surely the witches did not have that kind of power.”

  As the tears spilled over, the cat began to mew and nudge you with his head. Taking him up into your arms, you hugged him closely, hearing his soft sounds until your sobs subsided and you collected yourself.

  Looking the cat in the eyes, you said, “You are a great listener.”

  He held eye contact, as if he truly was.

  “How would thou like to live with me? I’ll giveth you a loving home and you can keep away any…critters. How does that sound?”

  The black cat proceeded to meow softly up at you, placing a paw atop your hand.

  “Then it is settled,” you smiled. “Now, all thou needs is a name.”

  Though the cat could not replace your heartache, he could surely comfort you through your time of grief.

~~~~ ~~~~

Thank you for reading!

Reblogs are very much appreciated

[eyesoffthemaud]

12 Days of DadMight: A December Event!

An Event is HERE! Here's the TL:DR.

What's the Event Called?: 12 Days of Dadmight

When does the event take place?: December 14th - December 25th

When are the Angst Days: December 14th - December 19th

When are the Fluff Days: December 20th - December 25th

Want to know more? GOOD! There is.

How would I describe the Event?

“12 Days of Dadmight” is a Christmas Event for the enjoyers of the relationship between Toshinori and Izuku (aka Dadmight). It’s one of my personal favorite relationships in MHA, so I decided for Christmas to turn it into an event for others like me!

While everyone knows the typically “12 Days of Christmas” song, this event comes with a twist. My personal favorite fic tag, is Hurt/Comfort- and the event reflects this!

Fluff is fun, however, I wanted to give our angst-lovers a treat as well! So, the first 6 days of the event are for our angst creators. Post an angsty dadmight fanfic or artwork if that’s what tickles your fancy! I want to cry myself to sleep.

That’s not to say I don’t love fluff! What is angst without fluff??? The last 6 days of the event are for the fluff creators. Post a fluffy fic or artwork! Make my cheeks hurt from smiling so hard!

Submission Rules:

Must be following my tumblr at @eyesoffthemaud

Produced pieces must include DadMight; particularly Izuku and Toshinori Yagi - other characters definitely may be included, but the main focus would be the relationship between both Izuku and Toshinori.

There is no limit on entries for this event. By submitting any piece(s) for the event, you are eligible for the prize. However, this does not mean that participating in all 12 days guarantees a win for the event.

Writers:

Minimum word count for fics: 1000 words

When submitting your writing, submit it to the collection (LINKED HERE) if your work isn’t in the collection. I haven't seen it.

Please add the tag, 12DaysofDadmightAngst or 12DaysofDadmightFluff to your piece as an indicator of what category you’re submitting your piece to.

Artists:

Art must be fully colored, simple sketches would be loved dearly but would not qualify for prize runnings.

When submitting your art, tag me @eyesoffthemaud. If your art has been reblogged then I have most definitely seen it. If I haven’t interacted with it in some way- I cannot guarantee that I have seen it.

Please add the tag, 12DaysofDadmightAngst or 12DaysofDadmightFluff to your piece as an indicator of what category you’re submitting your piece to.

Submission Timeframe:

All Submissions must be posted between December 14th through December 25th.

Late submissions are welcomed, but not encouraged.

There will be an official announcement when the event submission period has closed for judging. After that, any submissions after that announcement will not be considered for the prize.

Rules:

Have Fun and Enjoy the Dadmight! Seriously.

Fics and Artwork should definitely not contain anything NSFW.

Heavy Gore is personally welcomed by me. However, I heavily discourage the showing, referencing, description, and/or usage of needles of any sort. This is an extreme phobia of mine, and as the event runner, it’s something I personally cannot handle. Please keep this in mind when writing/drawing- I wouldn't make this a rule if it truly didn't trigger my phobia.

This is not a Dekumight event. I swear. If you submit a Dekumight work to this event, I'm not only blocking you but blacklisting you from literally any and all events I ever choose to run in the future.

Prizes:

There are total 4 “winners” for the event 

2 writers, 1 from the fluff submissions and 1 from the angst submissions received

2 artists, 1 from the fluff submissions and 1 from the angst submissions received

The prize that each winner will receive is 1 Full Body/Full Render commission from my wonderful spouse @mcfanely! Each winner gets 1 art piece just for them!

(The rules of McFanely’s commission sheet still apply when describing what you’d like done)

Additional Information

Feel free to submit pieces for both the designated “Angst” and “Fluff” submission periods. Please know that you can only “win” for 1 category. In other words, one person cannot win in multiple categories.

More Questions?

Any more questions about the event can be directed to me via by Tumblr Askbox, or in my discord server.

[ariwritessometimes]

Although I may be inactive for fanworks, im still active for interaction, and the most recent Attack of the Bots, remember that most people will block you if you don't act like a real person on here. Here is a list of what will most likely get you blocked:

1. No profile pic/default profile pic

The number one bot tactic

2. Profile pic of a real person

This is not the place for that. Any account with a real person in their pic is liable to start posting spam links any day.

3. "Untitled"

Another dead giveaway. Change your title to something if you find people are always blocking you. It can be as simple as "hi"

4. Bio

Usually bio isn't a big deal - provided you have a title. A combo of no title/no bio/default icon... yeah, that's a bot.

5. Blank. Blogs.

I cannot stress this enough. If you do not have anything on your blog, this is the number one way to get yourself blocked. Avoid getting blocked. Use the site for its intended purpose and reblog things. Pretty art. Funny posts. That fanfic you enjoyed.

Having your likes visible does not count. Bots are capable of liking posts just the same as you.

Put. Things. On. Your. Blog. Reblogging is not reposting or stealing or anything like that. Commit to the function of this site, it's the best way to prove you're a real person.

As for myself, I will block blank blogs first and foremost, and other combos of the above list at my discretion if I judge to be a bot. If you're a real person, avoid this fate by making the barest effort to use this site as it's built to be used.

[slothdoctor]

Rules and Muse (for mobile users!)

Hello hello! I am Rain (they/them), 26, have been writing on tumblr for 10 years :D Thank you so much checking out my blog and my silly angel :D *art by me. Side-blog to @luciferain, Lucifer rp blog.

Rules and Muse pages are under read more!

Hello, I’m Rain (NB, 26, they/them). I have been roleplaying on tumblr for the past decade, and had picked up muses from different fandoms before, and newest has been Hazbin Hotel/Hellaverse :D I’m here to write and have fun, and hopefully make friends to write cute stuff/angst/horrors with. So, the rules will be basic:

IC =/= OOC. Belphegor's opinions are not my own. Sometimes evil characters and actions will be portrayed and tagged accordingly, and sometimes I might write some characters as evil when they are more nuanced in canon–it’s all to the have fun. 

I do not condone harassment over someone writing fiction. Real people come first. I will block if it the sensitive subject is too much for me, that’s that.

Don’t reblog threads or headcanons you are not a part of, please. Unless I tag it “ok to reblog”.

Please tag real-life images with nudity, blood, gore and such in general.

Do not force sexual acts on my muse.

To be on the same page with our headcanons / world-building, feel free to plot with me :D Duplicates/self-inserts/OCs etc are all welcome!

That’s it, thank you so much for reading!

MUSE;;

Headcanons and muses mentioned in backstory can be changed to match my rp partner’s headcanons and worldbuilding. This is just the default state we can build up on. —Plus, once canon Bel comes, the blog will most likely go through an overhaul :D

Name: Belphegor

Title: Queen of Sloth, The Deadly Sin of Sloth, Administrator of Sloth Hospitals, Professional Headache for Mammon

Age: Older than Hell.

Gender: None, but likes to present in a very feminine way, and prefers she/her pronouns.

Sexual Orientation: A mess. (Pan, most likely.)

Relationship Status: Has been a hopeless romantic even back in Heaven, never managed to be in a relationship despite her wish.

Height: As tall as the other sins (Lucifer does not count :D)

History: She was once an angel of ethereal beauty and kindness. Spending her time with her herbs and medicine, hoping for the fairytale romance. Always looking for shortcuts, to heal the ones she loved as effortlessly as possible Pink has always been her color, and she dressed up for every occasion. A friendly, joyful presence, she was on good terms with the fellow angels, though she had always been closer with Lucifer’s inner circle.

Crushing on Lucifer, she got closer to his best friend Mammon to get a chance and know about this elusive archangel. When Lucifer abandoned everyone to be with Lilith, she was left behind, spending her time with Mammon, Beelzebub and others.

During the battle following the trial to judge Lucifer and Lilith for giving Eve the apple, she avoided getting involved at first, but seeing her friends bleeding and hurt made her act to support and heal them, causing her to be cast out of Heaven with Lucifer, Mammon and others.

After the fall, with the Root of All Evil’s influence, her transformation was rapid. Once a mostly humanoid angel, now she was a the mother demon of the Sloth Ring, her feathered wings turning draconic, her little horns growing bigger. Her magic shaped the Sloth ring and brought the candleheads, the goat demons native to Sloth.

Her Sloth is not lack of work but lack of care, and she spent the past ten thousand years building her enterprises. Hospital, medicine, drugs. She treats her workers well, but never dictates long or “normal” work hours. Her people are encouraged work as little as possible, and it translates into longer wait times for all procedures other than emergencies.

She is the main provider of all drugs, but her most sought after drugs are sleep pills and “happy” pills, antidepressants. She is still a kind soul deep down, and wants to help others.

Over the years, her best friend had been Mammon, and they both affected each other. She is greedy, wanting to earn as much as possible, while she made Mammon lazier. She knows she owes some of her success to Mammon’s mentorship, and cares about him… But would not act on it.  They usually spend their time together watching shitty reality TV at Belphegor’s home. Since Belphegor does not see the point in anything, she never confronted Mammon on his treatment of Fizzarolli, despite knowing the imp and caring about him almost like a son. Due to how much Greed and Sloth spend time together, and their bickering, there are rumors, and Belphegor jokingly calling Mammon her husband does not help.

She is on good terms with her fellow sins, though Satan would not regard her highly due to her nature as Sloth, and she is angry at Lucifer for not accepting help with his mental health.

She still wishes for her fairytale ending, but thinks it is too late for her. She is not comfortable with her looks, and she would rather drown her sorrows in work. Her full-demonic form hasn’t been unlocked yet, and if she is under huge stress or another strong emotion, her transformation is grotesque and painful, making her go into hiding till it is over.

Hopelessness and sorrow can make her go all monochrome/gray and her candle gets snuffed.

[gatoplaga]

FAQ

It'll be updated to keep track of anything new or necessary to add.

Can I draw/write fanfics/do edits/mood boards with/of your ocs?

YES! I love when people do things with my children, just make sure to credit me and tag me, I wanna see (headcannons are also very welcomed and encouraged).

I do not give permission for the usage of my work in any form that involves AI in any way tho. No chat bots, no feeding it, no anything, relating to that shit.

Can I make pins/posters/other merchandise of your art?

Yes, but only for personal use. Pls do not sell my work in ANY way.

¹Can I RP with your ocs? (²& kin them/tag as kin/anything of the sort)

Privately. I don't mind as long as I don't see it. Not judging or anything, it just makes me kinda iffy yk?

Yeah sure, have fun, go wild. Love to see people relating to my dumb creations.

Can I send you an ask about something 1.NSFW / 2.Personal?

Yeah! be as nasty as you want, there’s no shaming in here. We love that nasty stuff. . . .But about characters and stuff, obviously nothing directed to me. I think that should go without saying.. Be respectful though, and mindful. We're all buddy buddies in here until lines are crossed. And please have your age in bio or somewhere where I can see it! I won't answer anything even suggestive otherwise.

Shoot, but an answer is not guaranteed! I'm not fond with the idea of putting too much personal information about me out there, but we'll see.

What program do you use? Did you study art?

Fire Alpaca now. Used to use Sai2 but.. well. Stuff happened, so it'll be a while until I can go back to my wife.

And.. does self taught-ing myself counts..? if so, then yes. I did go to art school but honestly I didn’t learn shit and it was stupid, worthless, pointless and draining. It sucked and I hated it. Don’t go to art school kids. It kills your creativity.

Are we allowed to repost/reference/use/trace your art?

Don't repost. To any platform, especially tiktok(hate that shit..). Not even with credit, yeah? Giving credit is not having consent. Send links to my posts, reblog them, I have an insta, you can upload my stuff to ur stories and all. But NO REPOSTING of any kind.

But reference and trace? Yeah, sure. By all means, have fun with it, I don’t mind. If it helps u grow and learn, then I'm happy to help! Just credit me when tracing (ref too), and it'll be nice if you can take the time to add the original piece or leave a link to it in the post. OH! and make sure to tag me in da stuff if you want to, I would love to see what y'all can do with my shit!

Can I throw money at you for no particular reason at all?

I mean... if you want, go ahead. Feed me your greens. The links should be up there. In the carrd thingy. If ya don't see it or it's working wrong, my PayPal is @gatoplaga LMAO<;33

[anincompletelist]

Hi Sarah! 15, 17, 33, and 37 for the ask meme if you're feeling up to it. Hope you're doing well 💜

HI FRIEND! :D I am definitely feeling a little worn out but having fun answering some of these before bed :) I hope you've had a lovely day today!

+

15: Do you write in the margins of your books? Dog-ear your pages? Read in the bath? Why or why not? Do you judge people who do these things? Can we still be friends?

oh absolutely. most of my reading is non-fiction psych books and/or poetry, so there are all sorts of feelings that must be written down expeditiously usually, and if I write in a notebook instead then the two get separated inevitably so I've found it much easier to write right there on the page. I love making a book my own and making it feel 'lived in'. looking back one day and being like hey! this made me feel things!! so much so that I had to write it down or highlight it or circle it or earmark the page to come back to again and again! I LOVE. (I do not, however, read in the bathtub because I have anxiety and am far too afraid I will drop it in the water on accident ksjhdk)

17: Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

as we all know, I have an unholy amount of wips in the docs currently but I feel like my 'main' wip is bridesmaids, which is concluding at the end of this month! it definitely has more lore than most of my other fics do thanks to a bunch of the characters being originals! when I outlined for this fic I had pages of background info for each of the characters and how it affects their behaviors and ties into the major plot points, but a lot of those details got cut as the fic crossed 100k and I didn't want to include a bunch of lore that wasn't directly relevant to our main characters/pairing. but the little found family in this fic is so special to me and if anyone's ever interested (or maybe if I do another fic set in this verse one day?) I'd love to delve into the original characters a bit more! they have tons of quirks and little details that are so much fun hehehehe

33: Do you practice any other art besides writing? Does that art ever tie into your writing, or is it entirely separate?

I will do literally anything creative even if I am not good at it ksjhkdh I love to create! I've tried a bit of everything here and there, but I regularly enjoy photography, painting, and occasionally drawing! if poetry counts, I have written poems for fics, both in posted works and some upcoming ones, but other than that I've yet to have any of these crossover!

37: If you were to be remembered only by the words you’ve put on the page, what would future historians think of you?

ooooh what a good question!

ideally, I think I'd like some of the main takeaways to be that I felt deeply, did not shy away from hard or emotionally nuanced topics but always managed to find a bright spot within them, that ultimately leaves people walking away from my work feeling seen, validated, and/or inspired.

realistically, they might stick me in a textbook under the category 'words that should have been said to a therapist that have instead been immortalized on ao3 [tags include: emotional hurt/comfort, shameless smut]' SKJDHSKJDHSJH we out here!

+

[send me a weird question for writers or reblog to play along yourself!]

[ask-de-writer]

FIENDSHIP IS MAGIC  (Part 54 of ?)  18+ readers only  (sex scenes)

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FIENDSHIP IS MAGIC

or

Making Fiends and Influencing Ponies

An Anthro *Tail* of the Mane Six

Part 54 of ? (Work in Progress)

by

De Writer

59611 words (story in progress)

© 2022 by Glen Ten-Eyck

All rights reserved.  This document may not be copied or distributed on   or to any medium or placed in any mass storage system except by the express written consent of the author.

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Copyright fair use rules for Tumblr users

This story is age restricted to 18

years or older!

Users  of Tumblr.com are specifically granted the following rights.  They may   reblog the story provided that all author and copyright information remains intact.  They may use the characters or original  characters in my settings for fan fiction, fan art works, cosplay, or fan musical compositions.

All sorts of fan art, cosplay, music or fiction is actively encouraged.

///////////////////////

New to the story?  Read from the start HERE

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Twilight actually nodded at the outrageous claim that her seal was needed to be sure that she got her tax cut.  “It does, in fact, assure that, true.  However, the primary reason is simpler.  I send my agents to the address to determine whether the siezure or eviction is properly justified.  If it is, besides getting my seal to go ahead, I try to see that the evicted ponies are taken care of.  I do not want to have homeless ponies in Ponyville.”

Ex judge Horsefry snorted, “What do you do if you think it ain't justified?  Leave some poor landlord stuck for mortgage payments or property repairs?”

“They already are, MISTER Horsefry.  That is required to be in EVERY lease or rental contract.  A condition required to collect any rent or payment is that the property be maintained in a condition suitable for the intended use.

“In the past, the Crown investigation has uncovered many instances of evictions of tenants for requesting that REQUIRED repairs or maintainence be made.  That is illegal and those evictions were stopped.”

Horsefry stompped angrily, “That fool bleeding heart way of handling trivial things has cost Sir Snobbin Realty thousands of gold bits!”

It was Princess Luna who smiled like a shark about to bite!  “I am so happy to hear that eviction is such a trivial matter!  Bailiff, would you please serve this formal notice of eviction and property seizure to mister Horsefry?  Princess Twilight's seal is not required as it has both Celestia's and Mine.”

“What!? You got no grounds for seizing my home!”

Princess Luna snorted, “425 reasons, actually.  According to this report, that is how many seizures or evictions you pulled this post dating stunt on.”  She paused to swig some coffee and take a bite from a chocolate croissant with strawberry filling before continuing, “Each one is a count of Criminal Judicial Misconduct.  Those each carry a fine of one hundred golden bits.  Add in your portion of the damages to the Carousel's property and restitution to the assorted dancing mares that you had a direct hand in robbing and you owe just over three fourths of a million golden bits.  Seven hundred sixty five thousand four hundred and forty six golden bits, to be precise.

“According to your tax records, your total value of all assets combined is only fifteen thousand two hundred and seventy four golden bits.  Of course, it is always possible that you lied on your taxes but even if you did, I doubt that you have the necessary funds to pay what you presently owe.  Your house, lands and accounts will be set against your debit.”

“Um, Princess, I had no hand in the destruction of the antiques.  Reverend Tightcollar ordered that.  Anything connected to them should be dropped.  As for the claim that the dancing mares are due any restitution, I deny that.  They got that money by acts of lewdness. Ponyville cannot allow such behavior to be rewarded.”

Twilight lifted a paper and glanced over it before she spoke up.  “I have witness statements that contradict what you have just said. Specifically, the statements of the subverted officers concerning the illegal raid on the Carousel.  They all unanimously agree that you personally told them to not only carry out the raid and arrests, you told them to smash the door pane and the cash register.”

“I was only relaying Reverend Tightcollar's orders.”

Twilight intervened, “I am sorry but we did make clear at the beginning that no such defense will be accepted.  You were a willing part of the chain of command unless you can show us otherwise.”  She returned to her chocolate and strawberry Bismark and warm coffee.

It was Princess Luna who pointed out, “Simply because you disapprove of how another makes their living gives you no right to take away their legally earned or acquired money or goods.  What the dancers do was and is legal.  The taking by force of their earnings under any pretext is theft.  THAT IS ILLEGAL.  The dancer's restitution order stands.”

Twilight's reaching hands found no more of her favorite treats and settled for a vanilla topped twist.  Before biting into it, she stated, “So far, we have been hearing from the big fish.  I want to hear from the bottom of this food chain.  What do the officers have to say for themselves?  They did the actual raids.  We can always get any of the dancers, Pinkie Pie, Rarity or Kin to fill out what they tell us.”

Celestia snorted into her coffee!  “We need to get Pinkie here anyway! Those butterscotch treats seem to have evaporated!”

Luna, putting away her Magic Net mirror, chuckled, “Taken care of, Sister!  She was at the Carousel with a friend helping out on the costumes.  She is now hard at work replacing all of our snacks!  I told her to bring Kin with her when she makes the delivery.”

Rarity, Kin and Minty were hard at work, getting the new costumes made. Pinkie put away her Magic Net mirror and bailed for the kitchen!

“Kin! They just called from the trials!  We need to make up more snacks! All three Royals and Judge Coldheart are out of favorite snacks and are reduced to drinking dime store tea bag brew!”

Kin yielded her place at the new sewing machine and joined Pinkie in the kitchen!  She snickered, “Dime store tea bag brew?  I did not realize that anyone hated the Princesses that much!  Are they trying to assassinate them all?”

Pinkie looked up from stirring up bowls of fillings and toppings to agree, “It sure sounds like it, doesn't it?”

Soon the whole Carousel was filled with the lovely smell of deep frying goodies!  As fast as Kin could get them cooked and drained, Pinkie was shooting them full of all sorts of sweet fillings!  Rarity, having temporarily abandoned the costumes, was dipping them in toppings and Minty was boxing them up, being sure to label them according to which Princess preferred what kinds.

As Pinkie and Kin loaded the delivery cart, including three huge urns, one of regular coffee, one of hot chocolate, and one of Rom black tea, Rarity and Minty looked each other in the eye, and nodded silent agreement.  They began to cook up more goodies for themselves!

TO BE CONTINUED

<==PREVIOUS ~ NEXT==>

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[beverlychills]

Introductory Post

PLEASE at least skim through the tags. Navigating this autism castle I've built may get difficult if you don't.

Also see below: Guide for takedown requests

Hi there, call me Taffy! (Any pronouns)

I'm a neurodivergent fella obsessed with Lethal League. I'm also obsessed with archiving things, and I have a dedicated personal server where I collect all the LLB fanart I can.

For a while I've been wanting to give other people easy access to all this old and new content, but I don't want to invite people to the server, and booru-making is closed right now, so this—an account made to reblog every LLB post I can find—is the next best option.

For now I run this account alone, and my archiving only encompasses things on tumblr, this may change later but I can't say for sure.

I plan to keep this archive going as long as possible.

IMPORTANT STUFF FIRST!

Despite my wants to preserve everything Lethal League, there are some artists I refuse to archive due to personal convictions, or being personally asked not to archive their work.

The amount of these people is presently in the single digits, and probably won't impact the rest of the blog much.

If you want a particular post(s) taken down, or would like to be blacklisted, please DM me. Please note you may have to prove your identity to do this, in whatever way you can (so long as it does not compromise your safety or super-personal information).

If you have a Lethal League post to contribute that I haven't found yet, send me the link. Even things from deactivated accounts can still be preserved if someone else reblogged them. Or I guess if you have a screenshot.

If there's something down the list you don't wanna see, just filter the tag

Warnings: #suggestive Including but not limited to - Discussion of NSFW, off-camera lovemaking, skimpy clothing or poses... whatever you older internet denizens might call "sin." NSFW jokes are judged on a case-by-case basis Overly graphic stuff, minor x adult, or straight up p0rn if there's any left, will not be included in the archive for obvious reasons #thirstposting Any rare case of people getting a bit too excited over a given LLB character. If hypothetically seeing people talk about how much they want to bone their favorite dapper googly eyed fuck wouldn't be your jam, you might wanna filter out this tag. #nudity Tasteful nudity. Think the Statue of David. #blood For when insides become outsides, but it's not straight up gutspill. #feels Because some of us don't wanna deal with angst. #emeto Vom. #eyestrain Ouchie ow oof bright colors. ^ #aberration Chromatic aberration #gore #bugs #death #eye contact #dereality #drugs #weed #body horror #loud #flashing

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Please note; Despite my headcanons, character interactions will be judged through the LLB story at face value. This means ships involving Switch will not be counted as minor x adult, because he is a robot, 5 is only how long he's been manufactured, and his mental age is not entirely clear (beyond him obviously not having the mind of a toddler). This also means things like Raptor x Switch will still be archived, since although some headcanon them to be found brothers, this is not canonically confirmed.

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Content type: #art Including but not limited to - Drawings, physical crafts, music, etc. #fanfic Fanfiction, whether linked offsite or posted directly to tumblr. #animation Encompasses gifs, animatics, animation memes, PMVs, the works. #modding Stuff like retexturing, 3D model editing, or even Mung Daal in Room 21 #gameplay #shitpost #textpost #cosplay

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Characters: #raptor #switch #candyman #dice #jet #doombox #grid #nitro #latch #sonata #dust #ashes #toxic #dummy #mc inferno #safety league

Unlockables: #ballhead #strait jacket #zoot suit #l.2 full mecha #domino #dynamic #detective nitro #jumper cabler #safety weapon #chain engine #iron grip

DLC: #galileo #firefighter max pressure #volt (Neopolis Devastator) #ivory puppet killer #insectoid loneriding mechranger #stereo overdrive #shining gold winner #gigahertz visualizer x #nuclear nourishment #late stage illmatic #heavyduty r evolution #master of the mountain

Fandom culture: #headcanon #theory #review #ship #ship neg #oc x canon #oc #au #askblog #humanized #crossover #fusion

Archived posts will not be tagged as #ship unless the OP states so, or it is very explicitly intended to be ship art—flirting and kissing and stuff. Ships will be tagged as the involved characters' names in alphabetical order, in lieu of affectionate shipnames. This is to avoid creating extra things for you poor soul to memorize. Also, negative content about any given ship will have "neg" tacked onto the end. ❌ #candylatch ✅ #candyman x latch 🔘 #candyman x latch neg

For OCs, search their name, and for specific artists, search their blog url. ie: #cue #klayfruit Furthermore, fanon interpretations of LLB characters may be tagged like this: #henry #candyman

OC x canon shipnames will not be tagged, despite how few there are in retrospect, because I think doing that would drive me nuts.

If two OCs happen to have the same name, the name will be followed up with the creator's username depending on which OC is being referred to. This also applies if an OC name overlaps with a warning tag;

#ember sampleusername - #ember gridsbignaturals #bugs sampleusername

Other: #official Involving a Team Reptile account or one of its developers. Including but not limited to: Dev logs, headcanons from individual team members, outdated lore, threads involving them on other websites, etc. #tim #dion #yinyin #andy #kittomatic #sem

#merch Official merchandise designs and such #deactivated OP's blog is hacked or deactivated. If the URL was changed, the old URL may be tagged; for the sake of preserving the era it was posted, and so people can more easily find things if they know an old username but not the new one. #[year] Year something was posted. ie: #2015 #mod taffy

Posts with captions like "not tagging this" or things that seem personal will probably not be archived unless the OP says it's okay

[animaniacsxposed]

Prior guilt trip anon I have a strong suspicion who is, does your delusional outpour of demented incoherent chants provide any actual good perspective that I haven't debunked if you'd actually read my responses to critiques toward this blog (the novel of nothing you spat boiled down to accusing warnercestxposed of cyberbullying when he is exposing how cyberbullies operate and as I've pointed out everyone on his list was harassing people when they were last active in the fandom so this whole "you're doing what cyberbullies do nc that was this long ago and they apologized!!!" count, again, is just a smokescreen, none of them were forgiven by their targets just by other pathetic no life dropout antishippers and as Rose's amusing attempts to save face indicate they still bully innocent proshippers) or are false analogies your attempt at making up for the fact you know you're encouraging a toxic environment using shit logic? And then you call me along with everyone who's hoping for a peaceful more aware community "sheep"? Oh, oh no. No, you did NOT- THIS is too fucking rich! Listen to the farmer herding their pitchfork. You have just flung ALL manner of credibility I gave you out the window. Just admit you like bullying innocent people over crack fanfiction and mosey on back to your blog reblogging fandom art! It's almost certifiable how manipulative you lot are, you did not acknowledge a SINGLE rebuttal I gave and kept on your bullshit because you know you're wrong. By the by? Since you don't have a good reason for messaging warnercestxposed you're playing into your own accusation of cyberbullying. 😱 Keep preserving this dangerous mentality of breaking others down for what they ship or even just a way someone rationalizes a character's stats. It speaks volumes that your benchmark for judging a person is built on how they use fiction as an outlet and not their treatment of others. My condolences to whatever poor soul had to raise you.

(Francie or not) these responses are always pathetic. She can never explain why her behavior is unacceptable and can't handle when her own logic is thrown back in her face because of what she did. She refuses to answer or acknowledge my questions. Maybe someone has cracked since she comes here insult me as way to feel good about herself. These people are highly disturbed I fear for your country if the adults are acting like this.

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

I just saw a post on here that ended with the words “sorry this is long”, and it’s about the length of one of my short posts. Like one of my posts where I think of something and just write out a few paragraphs about it before putting it up here, instead of actually trying to get into it. Actually, now that I think about it, that post was probably shorter than most of my posts where I do that. Occasionally, people will reblog my posts that I think of as being average length, and tag them with the words “long post”.

I honestly don’t know how everyone else manages to keep the things they say so short. I can be concise, sort of, when it really matters. But it’s a lot of work. I’m an editor for a living, I spent lots of time taking out unnecessary words in other people’s writing. But it’s so much effort, and I don’t want to do it when I’m just trying to have fun on this website. I always look at other people’s posts and think they put so much more effort than I do into keeping the word count low, but in actuality I guess it’s more likely that that just comes more naturally to most people than it does to me.

When I did my in-person work placement last year, there were quite a few reasons why I felt out of place there, having not worked in a place where I have to interact with regular people for a long time. My current job has been almost entirely from home since even before COVID, and before that I was a PSW, one-on-one with the client. Before that I was a PSW in an agency, but I worked midnight to 8 AM, so it was just me and one guy there all night. I haven’t properly had co-workers since I was in university and worked retail, really.

See? That was totally unnecessary. This is supposed to be a post about concise writing, and I just wrote a whole paragraph about jobs I’ve done, due to only a tenuous connection. If this were a proper piece of writing I’d cut that bit out, but it isn’t, so I won’t.

Anyway. The point is that last year I did some work in person with regular people, and it was weird. One time, we did this awkward ice breaker thing, where each person in the meeting had to say their name and a topic on which they could give a half-hour speech. They didn’t have to give the speech, just name the topic as a way to tell the group what we know a lot about. I immediately started mentally going through the gigantic number of subjects on which I’d happily talk for half an hour, trying to find the least weird one for this work meeting where I’m trying to appear professional. The sport I coach is seen as niche and weird and violent by outsiders. Obviously comedy’s an obsession, but I don’t want to try to explain to these people what Taskmaster is. I’m something of a CBC news junkie, could go for a long time on a lot of political issues, on the intricacies of what’s going on in Canadian political parties, or even just the way the CBC does journalism and why they’re the best at it. But obviously talking politics is not considered hugely professional. Folk and country music, but if I say “folk” no one knows what I mean and if I say “country” people think I mean Luke Bryan or some shit, and I can’t have them thinking that but I also don’t want to explain it to them.

I mean, half an hour is so short, I could go for half an hour about anything. How I grew up reading Harry Potter and Orson Scott Card books and to what extent cherishing those memories is okay because of separating the art from the artist, though it’s more complicated than that because actually there’s lots of bad stuff in the art as well, but that can be worth examining with a critical lens. How SNL really threw me for a loop in 2008 by dressing up the incredibly attractive Tina Fey to look exactly like Sarah Palin, leading to confusing feelings every time I saw the actual Sarah Palin. Literally any item on this list. Why I find it problematic that being known in the States is often the primary bar by which we judge the success of Canadian media.

I ended up saying my parents’ cats, I think, deciding that sounded relatively normal. And maybe that’s what everyone was doing. Actually, now that I think of it, that’s probably what everyone was doing. That’s almost definitely what almost everyone else was doing, discarding any topics that might seem too weird when we’re at work. Because when every person except me took their turn, they hesitated for a long time, saying half an hour is so long to talk about one subject, and they have things they like, but not so much that they think they could do a half-hour off-the-cuff monologue about it. I certainly hope they were all just withholding their honest answers, because that very much made me aware of how very much I am not on the same wavelength as these people. I regularly have to actively stop myself from monologuing for thirty minutes about one topic. Yes, I do have an Asperger’s diagnosis (it tells you how long ago it was that “Asperger’s” was the term for it at that time).

When I started this post I planned for it to be one of those ones I described at the beginning, when I just type a few paragraphs on a subject and then I’m done. But I’m at just over a page in this Word document now, and it’s quite a bit longer than that other post I saw today, that said “sorry this is long”. It makes me wonder how much keeping things short comes more naturally to other people than it does to me, versus how much they just try harder than I do even on a site like this.

I do know this is the site for me, where you can just type whatever the hell you want. I have never composed a Tweet, but that sounds like a stressful activity, aside from all my other reasons to not be a fan of Twitter. Having to keep everything you say under a character limit. I know you can “thread” Tweets or whatever, but still. Even if I’m technically allowed to write lots of Tweets in a row, I don’t want to have to break what I say down into tiny morsels. I genuinely find it strange that that’s the platform that got so globally popular, and remained that way for so long. One that puts arbitrary constraints on what you’re allowed to write. Why do most people choose to do social media that way, when there are other sites that don’t do that to you?

In his radio episode yesterday, Daniel Kitson informed us that his main allergy is to nuts, but his other allergy is to brevity. That made me laugh out loud while I was walking home from the grocery store, and several people turned to look at me. So it’s not just me. I’m pretty sure Daniel Kitson would not do well on Twitter either, even aside from whatever other reasons he has to not want to be on that site where the general public resides.

I might actually steal that one; I’m very confident that I’m not going to encounter in my daily life anyone who listened to Daniel Kitson’s January 2023 Resonance FM run, so they won’t know where I got it if I tell people I’m allergic to both ragweed and brevity. And if I do meet anyone who recognizes that reference, finding that out will be worth getting caught stealing someone else’s line.

So I can add an allergy to brevity to the list of things I have in common with Daniel Kitson. Along with the fact that I also have never gotten over anything that’s ever happened in my entire life; I also object to the fact that John Oliver moved to America; and I also was doing most of the admin for a sports organization when COVID occurred, it had to shut down but then people wanted to open it back up much earlier than I was comfortable with, they tried to wait for me but eventually ended up giving my duties to other people so they could go on without me, while I refused to stop being careful until long after most people had stopped caring. That last one is… very specific. Made watching Dot Dot Dot a hell of an experience, saying, “Oh cool, apparently that’s happened to two people in the world, not just me.”

This post so far is about 7,800 characters. It would require a thread of 28 Tweets. This rambling about nothing is not worth 28 Tweets. See, I realize this could come off as a something like a humblebrag - I just think about things so much more than other people because I’m smarter - but I assume it’s clear that it isn’t, because it’s largely inane. It’s this bullshit. I didn’t say I can do a half-hour monologue that anyone will want to listen to. Just that it takes a long time for me to run out of things that I think on a subject that interests me.