#don't mind me. i'm just talking to myself

[siredtosturniolos]

break the distance

Paring: Matt Sturniolo x Reader

Summary: You and Matt had been internet friends, meeting on Fortnite in 2020. You both entered a duo's match and had mics, and surprisingly found a way to form a friendship. Matt finally made it to LA and you couldn't have been happier to make the 3 hour drive to meet him. You had caught feelings a long time ago, but never acted on it due to being so far apart. Now there's only 3 hours between you two, will anything change?

Warnings: none!

Authors note: Oh to play Fortnite with Matt and be his bff. (Word count: 2550)

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4 YEARS AGO

"Hey." A boys voice spoke within my headset making me flinch. I'm on Fortnite trying to find someone willing to be my friend, and someone that will play duo's with me all the time.

I have had no luck considering I'm a girl, and all boys assume I'm shit at the game and go back to the lobby once I speak.

"You got a mic?" He asks again, making me take a deep breath.

"Yeah I do." I say confidently, and he doesn't respond for a minute, and the bus is about to launch. "Um, where do you wanna land?"

I can hear him clear his throat, "I like to drop at Lazy, how 'bout you?" He asks, and I thank the gods above he doesn't shit talk me for being a girl right off the bat.

"I like Lazy, or Weeping." I reply with a smile.

"Let’s go to Weeping, it's closer more people will land there." He replies, and the game starts. We quickly eliminate the other teams that had landed there, and before I knew it we were down to the last 3 teams.

"Are you locked in, Y/N?" He excitedly asks, as he had gotten way more comfortable throughout the match. Mostly asking for meds or offering me shield. We made some small talk, just trading names and ages. His name was Matt and he was 17, turning 18 later this year.

"We're wining this shit easy Matt." I reply, using my snipe to knock one of the other players remaining. Matt quickly kills their partner, leaving us against one other team.

The match ended in Lazy Lake, which made Matt very happy. He knew all of the good hiding spots and where the blue chests usually spawned. The symbol for footsteps appeared on my screen, making me nervous.

"They're coming." I speak, and just then one of the other players opens the door to the room we were camping in. Matt and I both attempt to kill them, but Matt gets knocked the same time as the other player did.

"Fuck! I hate when that shit happens." Matt scoffs, leaving me to try and pull off a med kit as my health was only on 48. I start to revive him but the last player remaining starts running about down below.

"Holy shit I'm so scared." I gasp, watching as Matt's skin finally stands back up. "We should rush them so they don't revive their partner." I tell him.

"Lead the way." Matt replies, and I take my character out of the room while being crouched. Once I make it down the stairs I see the other team in the kitchen, trying to revive their knocked teammate.

"In the kitchen!" I excitedly told Matt, instantly shooting at the player still standing. I let out a squeal as they shoot back, knocking my health down until the screen starts to freeze up.

"We fucking won!" Matt yells on his side, making me let out a breath of relief.

"Lets fucking goooo." I grin, grabbing my phone to take a photo to post to my Snapchat story.

"My brother is gonna be so jealous." Matt laughs, "Wanna play again?"

NOW

My heart was pounding in my chest as I saw my final exit, before I made it to Matt's house. How the fuck am I meeting him right now? I quickly merge off the interstate, and check how long until I make it to his place.

13 minutes.

"Holy shit." I mutter to myself, running a hand through my straightened hair. I had dolled myself up before leaving this morning, I wanted to look good. Mostly for Matt, but a part of myself wanted to look good in order to feel good.

My mind begins to race the closer I get, what is he gonna smell like? Is it gonna be awkward? Will Nick and Chris keep things comfortable? Is he gonna be able to look down at me? What if he thinks I'm weird in person?

I went into auto piolet for the rest of the drive, slowing down and pulling into Matt's driveway. I put my car in park and quickly double check my appearance. I exit my car, as I'm sure Matt is watching for me and I don't want to make him wait.

I come face to face with his front door, making the butterflies in my stomach kick up into overdrive. I cannot believe I'm meeting my favorite Fortnite duo partner in person. I gently knock, and I'm not surprised that the door immediately opens to reveal Matt.

Holy fuck, he was even prettier in person.

"Holy shit." He whispers with wide eyes, I open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out. Instead I take another step and pull him into a hug. I'm surprised when he wraps his arms tightly around me, tugging me even closer.

"Aw, how cute." I could hear Nick cooing from behind Matt, making me let out a giggle. I noticed the way Matt's breath hitches slightly, but I decide against commenting on it. I don't want to make him even more nervous than he is right now.

I pull away from Matt, keeping him within arms distance, "Hi." I grin up at him, and I watch as his cheeks flush. "Hi." He whispers back, his eyes glancing all over my face.

"Invite her in kid." Chris whisper shouts to Matt, making him roll his eyes.

"Come on in." Matt speaks, stepping back and letting me walk past him. Once I do, I'm met with a grinning Nick and Chris. Nick had his camera in his hands, and I'm taken back.

"Oh we're filming this?" I ask, eyeing the camera suspiciously.

Nick's grin instantly falls, "Matt! You didn't ask her?!" He shouts, glaring behind me at his brother. I look over my shoulder to see his sheepish expression, "I may have forgotten."

I laugh and shake my head, "It's fine, I don't mind." I turn back to offer Nick and Chris a smile. I gently wave at the camera before I approach Chris for a hug.

"Nice to meet ya kid." Chris jokes, making me roll my eyes. He's only a little over a month older than I am but insists on calling me kid all the time.

"Nice to meet you grandpa." I reply making Chris burst out laughing. I move to hug Nick, who passes the camera to Chris.

"I can't believe I'm touching you right now." Nick gasps into our hug, and instantly I'm laughing.

"Ayo!" I laugh, making Matt and Chris laugh as Nick cringes, "Yeah I shouldn't have said that." We make our way up the stairs and I'm amazed with how beautiful their house is.

"Damn, this is niceee!" I comment, quoting a TikTok. "Actually, this is way nicer than my place." We take a seat on the couch, and Matt goes to get me something to drink. He hands me a diet root beer and my heart warms, it was my favorite drink and he went out of his way to get it for me.

"Thanks." I smile up at him, and he takes a seat next to me. Silence falls over us, and I can't help but look between the three of them in awe. I can't believe I'm here right now.

"This is crazy." Chris comments from next to me, and I nod in agreement, "Our Fortnite squad is here right now. Minus Nate." He continues, bringing a smile to my face. Anytime Nick wasn't in the mood to play with us, we'd convince Nate to hop on.

"How was the drive?" Matt asks me, and I turn to face him. He was seated so his body was facing me, his arm resting across the back of the couch. His hand was dangerously close to touching me and my heart skipped a beat.

"It was alright." I shrug, Matt gives me a knowing look, "Okay fine. It was horrible, I almost died four times and I teared up more times than I can count." I huff dramatically. I've always hated driving and Matt knew this, and had told me several times he could come to me instead.

Matt cracks a smile at my confession, "So I'm guessing I'll be coming to you next time we hang out?" He suggests, making me nod rapidly. He lets out a chuckle and my heart soars. Holy shit I need to calm down.

"Wait, get up!" Chris demands, springing out of his position on the other side of the couch. I glance at Matt who looks as confused as I do, but we get up anyways. Chris herds us towards the large mirror they had propped against the wall in the dining area.

"Mirror selfie time." He grins at me, making me roll my eyes with a smile on my face.

"Okay vlog, we'll come back later." Nick tells the camera before he turns it off. The four of us huddle together, and I have to fight a gasp as Matt grabs my hip to tug me closer to him.

"Say cheese!" Chris jokes, all of us smiling wide. My eyes meet Matt's in the reflection and I can feel my smile get wider. "Can I post this?" Chris asks once he scrolled through the photos, handing me his phone.

Nick is standing slightly behind me, Chris next to him. I'm smiling wide while looking at the camera, and Matt's looking down at me sporting his own toothy grin. I show Matt, letting him approve it as well.

He gives me a nod and I hand the phone back to Chris, "Yeah post it." He types something then looks up at me again, "Do you want tagged?"

I think about it for a second, then shrug, "Sure. The fans know about me anyways from all the times Matt brought me up in a video." I joke, making Matt groan from behind me.

"Alright, pack it up." Matt mutters, playfully glaring at me.

I shake my head, "I never told you to talk about me all the time. Not my fault." I tease him, making him roll his eyes. My phone dings and I check it to see Chris had tagged me in the photo on his story, and captioned it with "Fortnite squad irl."

I shake my head in amusement, quickly reposting it to my story before putting my phone away. I look back to Matt to find him already staring at me. He quickly looks away once he realized I caught him staring.

"Wanna go on a drive?" I ask him, and he nods.

"Enjoy your alone time!" Nick shouts from the stairs, and I couldn't be more thankful for him. I'm close with Nick and Chris of course, but I did want some one on one time with Matt tonight. Chris throws himself onto the couch, "Bring home McDonalds?" He asks, making Matt roll his eyes.

"I'll think about it." With that Matt and I make our way to the garage. We climb into the car wordlessly, and once it's on Matt hands me his unlocked phone. "Put some music on." He tells me, as he buckles his seatbelt.

I search for Spotify on his phone, and when I click on the app it opens with a playlist already on the screen.

Songs Y/N has showed me

My heart warms at the title, every song I had ever told him about was in this playlist. It was over 5 hours long, showing that it had been worked on over the years. I smile at his phone, glancing to him as he reverses out of the garage, his arm resting on the back of my seat as his body is turned to watch the car back out safely.

"Damn." I mutter to myself, refocusing on his phone as I hit shuffle on the playlist. Armed and Dangerous by Juice WRLD came on.

"Y/N?" Matt asked, bringing his hand to my shoulder and slightly shaking me. I turn to face him, "I asked why you said damn like three times." He laughed softly, glancing at me briefly before leaving his eyes on the road.

I shake my head, "This is just crazy to me." I reply, looking out at the city around us.

"What is?"

"Being here with you, meeting your brothers. The fact you're literally famous now? Like hello?" I joke, rolling my eyes playfully. Matt being famous didn't bother me, it was just surprising that he was still the same guy from four years ago. He never let the fame get to him and I couldn't be more thankful.

I twist my lips in thought, "Can I be so forreal with you right now?" I ask him, as he comes to a stop at a red light.

"Always." He replies with a half smile on his face. I so badly wanted to take a photo but I refrained.

"You are even prettier in person." I tell him, and I'm left speechless as a blush covers his cheeks, "Are you blushing right now?!" I exclaim excitedly, making him roll his eyes and turn his face away from me.

"Matt." I whine, reaching over to grab his chin to force him to face me again.

He lets out a huff, "Of course I'm blushing, you just called me pretty." He retorts, making me let out a laugh. Silence falls over us as Dark Red by Steve Lacy comes on, and my heart skips a beat as Matt glances from my eyes to my lips.

It was like we just gravitated towards each other, like there was a an unknown force pushing us closer. He lifts his hand to my jaw, looking deeply into my eyes, before he presses his lips to mine. I gasp into the kiss, leaning forward to feel even closer to him.

Matt lets his hand slide from my jaw to rest on the side of my neck, and I reach up blindly to grab his hand. His tongue swipes against my bottom lip, and I instantly part my lips and our tongues meet in a messy exchange. Just as I tilt my head for a better angle, the car behind us lays on their horn, startling us away from each other.

Matt presses on the gas, before he's turning into the first parking lot he finds.

"What are you doing?" I ask, looking around to see all of the shops closed.

He puts the car in park before he turns to me with dilated eyes, "I've been dreaming of that kiss for the last four years. I wanna do it again."

[haliteatiger]

Happy Werewolf Wednesday, ya'll! We're serving up a big pot of tea tonight so get those cups ready!

Special thanks to Blackbackedjackal and King for their help in putting this together, editing, and especially to Jackal for being so supportive and encouraging. I'm very much not normally the type to do call-out posts, but people need to be aware of Dogblud, as she has hurt, not only myself, but quite a few others as well, and seems to have somehow gotten away with behaving like this for 20-odd years. I'm of the mind she shouldn't be allowed to do so any more, hence this post.

TL;DR - Beware of Dogblud, aka Ashryn, aka DogofBlud, aka ThatDogMagic. Very, very long post under the cut.

With everything happening with DogBlud and Blackbackedjackal's studio, I felt emboldened to come forward with my own experiences with her. This is something I've been carrying around since it happened roughly 2 years ago. It was one of the main reasons that put me off drawing werewolves, my own characters, or engaging any more in the fandom. I've hinted at it a few times but I've never had the energy to come forward and deal with the fall out. I wanted to move on with the rest of my life because IRL was more important than online drama. And I knew her behavior would come back to bite her sooner or later, regardless of what I did. 

It's been very validating to see that I was right.

It was around the time that Blud and I became friends that I was feeling a bit burnt out on werewolves. I'd been trying to pull together my own werewolf-related project for something close to 12 years. The past 4 years had also been pretty draining on me creatively and socially, as it had for a lot of artists with regards to the pandemic. I also had some IRL things I was dealing with: mainly with my marriage and transitioning between medications to manage my anxiety + bipolar.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the foresight to screenshot everything at the time. I do have logs from back when we roleplayed together. There are several conversations in them but because they were saved as text documents, they're pretty dubious in terms of solid evidence. 

It would have been better if I had taken screenshots as it was happening, rather than just saving the logs. With what I *do* have, however, I feel as though it may be enough to make the point that I'm trying to make, and to exhibit how horrible things got.

I'll provide some context.

I had talked with Blud on and off over the years, and we had always gotten along. We had a lot in common and after we had started talking more, our friendship eventually grew into a collaborative project. We were going to combine our stories and write a comic based on it. We had a lot of discussions on how Blud was reticent to do this in the beginning and how she wanted a contract to be made up so that in the event that something *did* happen, we could both walk away feeling like it was handled fairly.

Honestly, I should have listened to the first alarm that went off in my brain, when, in an act of ominous foreboding she said something along the lines of don't be so sure, it could happen. It was in response to me being like "we're getting along so well and share so much of a bond right now. I can't fathom that being a problem!" 

The contract never materialized. It was something we had decided to do *after* we had put together something of a prototype project to see how well we worked together. It made complete sense to me at the time as we were both eager to focus on the fun parts of writing and drawing together.

It was decided that I would be the lead artist (doing coloring and final lines) while Blud would do everything else (which was inking, layouts, and the majority of the writing). The both of us felt that she had more experience in those areas. I also believed that she had a better knack for it as well. I had felt that she had a better understanding of story structure than myself. And I thought that Blud had felt the same way about my art. That I had the experience to take point on that. 

Since I had collaborated with other artists and writers before, I attempted to approach the project with the same sort of professionalism I always do. Especially the projects that I genuinely thought stood a chance of being published in the future. We had started out trying to get a feel for each other's flows and rhythms. I had expected Blud to try and meet me in the middle of where our processes would potentially differ from one another, so that we could develop a fairly smooth workflow.

I had also expected, according to our discussions on the matter, that we would value each other's opinions on things and take them into consideration. We had such good synchronicity already.

In the beginning, there wasn't any unusual behavior that caught my attention. Blud was a bit uncomfortable with trying out new things but I did my best to accommodate her so that our project could move forward without too much turbulence. She had also mentioned to me before that she was autistic, and since my husband is also autistic, I knew how difficult it could be when it came to adapting to new routines. But when it was time for her to deliver the first set of layouts, it wasn't at all what I expected.

What I had expected was something with margins, clearly marked boxes, and figures that I could do rough lines over. I also expected notes that confirmed what we had discussed earlier about the project; that way I knew what she wanted or if there would be any changes. She took offense to this, feeling like I was violating our agreement. Though Blud did try to give me space with regards to the actual art, and while she would offer criticisms here and there, I trusted her opinion as an artist and as a friend. But apparently that didn't go both ways. In fact, Blud seemed to be offended that I expected more from her.

Blud agreed to concede. She suddenly seemed fine with the changes that I had asked for after seeing the layouts. I guess she was feeling overstimulated by the change and I might have been applying too much of a critical tone to her responses to begin with. I have had to deal with rejection sensitivity throughout my life and it's certainly prompted me to approach what people say to me online with a bit of scrutiny (sometimes too much).

And while I was mildly annoyed, although admittedly I was more concerned with Blud's overall reaction to my asking for clarification about several things in the layouts, I let it go. But it seemed like there was a problem. The majority of my ideas were either rejected or outright overridden with Blud convincing me that my faulty memory had made me unable to remember what we had agreed upon. Or that I might have been misremembering in my own favor.

There was one time where we were discussing a monster's design. Blud had already decided to settle on one design that she had come up with, even as I continued to offer other suggestions. The story was to take place in my setting, so I was under the impression that I got to decide what kind of creatures should populate it. The conversation ended somewhat ambiguously. I had assumed that we'd come to a solid conclusion later. 

I came back the next day and it turned out that we were using her design because that was what we had decided on. "Don't you remember? You really need to do something about that faulty memory of yours, Tek. I can't be doing this for you all the time."

At which point, Blud would go back and meticulously scour the conversation until she managed to find a set of lines that would make it seem as though I had 100% agreed. Even when I tried to explain that I had meant something else, she took it as an affront on her inability to understand nuances due to her autism.

I admit that my memory isn't that greatest at times, but I've never had anyone complain about it before. And none of my friends have ever minded providing reminders to me if I did misremember something incorrectly. We all forget stuff at times, right? It's *still* something that I'm self-conscious about because (like a lot of people with ADHD) my memory seems selective at times. This was, apparently, a problem that I needed to manage. 

And even as I'm remembering these incidents to the best of my ability, I've already spent so much time recounting all of this to friends. I feel confident in my recollection. There are some details that may overlap or become entwined with other things, but it all basically tells the same story. Especially in conjunction with what's been said by others. You're free to take it as hearsay since I do not have screenshots to back this up.

I will mention (since I've been told it's something that Blud has taken particular interest in) that at one point, I did have a crush on her. I was having some problems IRL, and it was nice to have someone whom I felt actually understood me. I also felt like I saw a lot of myself in her. I think that, at one point, I did describe her as the kind of "girlfriend" I would want. Blud seemed to indicate the feeling was mutual.

Between our collaborative partnership and all of the details we shared about our lives, it did feel like an intimate relationship at times. I had no intentions of pursuing it. We were not compatible in our romantic and sexual identities, and I had no intention of leaving my current partner for her.

I had begun to notice red flags, even if I wasn't ready to accept them yet.

I've had experience with abusive relationships in the past but they were in person, and not online. I knew what to look out for and yet I was being willfully ignorant about our friendship. I wanted to give Blud the benefit of the doubt. I wanted the project to work *so* badly that I was willing to work with her increasing demands as the months went by.

I had no idea that those demands would change into, quite literal, temper tantrums. It would then trigger my fawning response which was due to an abusive family situation that I had dealt with before I moved to Canada. The tactic was this: concede to someone until there was a time that they either understood reason or I had the chance to use it against them if necessary.

I started to take screenshots. I wish that I had taken a lot more of them so that everyone could get a better idea of what was happening. I did go back and manage to record the majority of the first outburst. It was the first inkling I had that Blud wasn't playing with a full deck of cards. I knew that that would be one of the first conversations that she would promptly delete. And consequently, I was right.

This assortment of screenshots will exhibit the first serious confrontation that Blud had with me. I am absolutely *not* proud of how I handled this. I was literally panicking at the time and doing whatever I could to get her to calm down. Because I have a temper that can look similar to this in person, I knew that I had to wait until the post-tantrum clarity would hit Blud. I tried my best to not lose my own temper in turn but looking back, I feel that I came off as sounding too timid.

I didn't want to ruin this project.

I wanted to make a comic with an individual that I admired and respected as a fellow artist. And, with me not knowing how to respond, my main priority was to not make things any worse than they already were.

Below is the conversation in its entirety:

I had taken this screenshot on my phone after I had stepped away to compose myself. Blud had handled the confrontation and criticism with a reasonable amount of apprehension. But what had not occurred to me was that I could have said something that would remind her of past experiences with a roleplaying group.

It was something that had evidently scarred Blud for life.

I took away the wrong things from what she had told me, choosing to focus on the aspects of the "betrayal" that had appeared to bother her the most. And in hindsight, I did not see the correlation. I was genuinely apologetic that I had hurt her feelings.

But I *will* critique Blud for her poor handling of the situation. Whether or not I had hurt her feelings, no one is entitled to act like this or claim that this is what attempting to resolve a problem should look like.

I wasn't sure on how to initially respond to Blud. It had been ages since I'd had to deal with someone flying off the handle like that.

The following screenshots are where the conversation picked up, after she had already deleted the above message:

We had weathered the "storm" and after Blud calmed down, she was ready to communicate. There was a part of me that was genuinely sincere when I apologized to her. I did mean it when I said that I had no intentions of hurting her and that I hadn't considered how my statement would sound to her.

I had hoped that this had been a stress response due to factors outside of our collaboration. And especially when I took into account how she had interacted with me in the past. I knew that Blud had a lot going on IRL, and that she had already put a considerable amount of energy into this project.

I had taken her meltdown more personally than she could perceive that I would, because this was something that was acceptable to her. She had a "condition" that would absolve her of these abhorrent meltdowns and I needed to get used to them if we were going to continue working on that project together.

I was shaking the entire time we were typing in the chat.

I was sincere in my responses. I really did want to work things out with Blud and give her the benefit of the doubt. I could have been taking the things that she said too personally or maybe I had been reading too much into the situation. Was there a chance that I could have been misreading her outburst? I tried my best to keep an open mind though I was still somewhat baffled by the fact that she would have meltdowns as often as she did.

I confided in my husband and some other friends about the situation. They were also bewildered by Blud's actions.

By this point, I was struggling with the reality that this collaboration was most likely *not* going to work out but I still wanted to try. I still cared about Blud. We would still hang out together and talk about things like music, our characters, or our stories.

While I did have the foresight to go back and screenshot this section, I wasn't fast enough to get screenshots of everything else that I will be going over. Blud *did* admit to going back and deleting certain exchanges due to a mixture of shame; not wanting to look at them when she would scroll through our conversations. 

In retrospect, it was very telling.

And even after that meltdown, I still enjoyed the friendship that I had with her. I kept my guard up but I was willing to make compromises on her behalf if it resulted in better communication between the two of us. Blud made me promise to immediately tell her if I had a problem with something. I also agreed to keep notes of our conversations.

It worked for the most part.

In the end though, it became apparent that Blud wasn't willing to do the same for me (even after we had an extended conversation about it). I then realized that I had been tasked with basically *managing* her autism for her. I was already busy with my supposedly "bad memory" at the time; and Blud was more than ready to scroll back up through our conversations to cherry-pick a line or two of text to remind me of what was said earlier.

Because, for her, circumstances couldn't ever change. If they did, it would mean that Blud had lost control of the situation and that she was in the wrong. She could *not* be in the wrong. 

And if she was in the wrong? It would take solid evidence, three witnesses, and a court of law to prove it.

She had two other major meltdowns after this. I managed to step away from communicating with her through one of them and I don't remember the other meltdown lasting very long. She immediately deleted the texts of both of those instances before I could take screenshots of them.

It seemed like I could do nothing right when it came to Blud, no matter the lengths I would go to accommodate her. I knew that it was a common tactic used by abusers. I finally accepted that our partnership wasn't going to work out and I began thinking about an exit strategy. The final straw was when she began to expect me to be at her beck and call.

I had promised that I would be there for her, within reason, and I was willing to offer reassurances whenever she would ask me for them. The promise had been made back when we had first started to talk to one another with more frequency, before Blud had shown me her true colors. I would end up completely underestimating just how badly she would need reassurance.

To be frank, I underestimated a lot about Blud in the beginning.

I would end up mentioning that I enjoyed my space in several different conversations with her. That there was a chance that I might be offline for several days so I could take care of things IRL and recharge my social batteries. I'm somewhat of a recluse. And an adult who enjoys things that aren't online.

She said that it was fine.

I became incredibly anxious when I would talk to Blud, especially after her somewhat abrupt change in personality.

I then attempted to put my foot down about boundaries and this is what she had to say:

I decided to walk away for a bit and I came back after I had had some time to think things over. This wasn't healthy for either of us. I wrote a couple of sentences to say goodbye to Blud before I blocked her. I knew that my actions would probably infuriate her. She had told me in the past that she *hated* not being able to have the final word... which she was able to do through email:

“And I'm not letting you pretend you have control over the situation, or the high ground. You distinctly have neither. But since you're determined to stick to your 'principles' on this, I've decided to make it easier for you.”

She thought that she was absolved of all sins just because I had said that I would stand by her at her worst. And at the time that I said that, I had no idea that her worst would be her trying everything possible to protect her boundaries while stomping all over mine. It didn't matter what she said or how often she would apologize when I would confront her. She kept doing it.

I admit that I wasn't perfect in this situation either.

There were times when I was condescending, critical, or downright mean when I talked to Blud because that was the way I had felt when she was talking to me. I soon realized that it didn't matter either way. I could have been using the friendliest tone imaginable and she still would have perceived it as either mocking or dismissive on my end. There were even a few times where I would preface my explanations with an advisory “please know that I am not attacking you and try to read this in an understanding tone,”etc. I would then post an explanation I had spent hours picking at to ensure that there was no way she could misinterpret the intent. Even so, she still read the majority of what I said as criticism and would take it to heart.

I never expected Blud to do something that made her uncomfortable; nor did I expect her to overextend herself when it came to our project. I would go out of my way to make sure everything was fine when we would talk about it. I only expected mutual respect in return.

When we would get into discussions (arguments), she would never attempt to understand my point of view or let me explain myself. It would have made it about me when it should have been about Blud and her needs. She sometimes would agree to come to a compromise about something, but only if I would admit that I was in the wrong.

I know that if Blud was to look at these screenshots, she'd be incredulous that I'm trying to distract from the horrible things that *I* did. And those horrible things that I did? I tried my best to work with her.

It wasn't just her poor teamwork that bothered me. It was her attitude and the lack of respect that she showed me. She would never ask me to clarify something that I said; always assuming that it was a criticism against her. I can only speculate that Blud did not want to hear about how any of this was her fault, like in the email she sent me.

I don't know if I was actually her friend at any point. Friends make efforts to understand one another. Ideally, they’d want their friendships to continue, and they would want everyone to be getting along and having fun. She seemed to actively defy that.

I would argue that things like this don't just happen in a vacuum. There's almost always a reason for such things, but it's honestly a mystery to me as to where this vitriol comes from. I don't know why Blud sees monsters in every word, especially if they come from a  "friend". 

I've seen her viscously mock herself during meltdowns; it seems like she hates herself and expects everyone else to hate her too. I think that she wants it to be the truth, so that it validates the feelings she has about herself. The behavior patterns that I'd been exposed to are consistent with the idea that Blud is seeking confirmation about the personal assumptions she has about herself. It's what makes her so volatile to those around her. Yet, she refuses to break the cycle.

I hope that she can make that choice in the future but at this point, I'm not holding my breath.

[barrenclan]

Can’t stop thinking of a Have You Seen My Sister Evelyn AMV/MAP of Pinepaw and Daffodilpaw looking for their sister. It starts out silly- cartoon art style, Pine and Daff asking various Clanmates on where they saw Asphodel last, lots of hijinks and slapstick, etc. Over the course of the song, the landscape gets progressively darker and more realistic, with occasional realistic shots, until at the very end the gleeful illusion is broken and it’s just BarrenClan standing over a child’s corpse

Okay, I have got to address this. This is the - fourth? fifth? - time that this song has been suggested to me with this exact idea for it. I answered the first one some time ago, and haven't answered the succeeding ones for that reason, but I cannot ignore it any longer. PATFW fans psychically communicating to each other.

I see you sliding a DreamSMP song in here, I was there. You ain't slick.

Where will you be When the sun goes dark

Where will you be When death comes knocking Oh no, where will you be

I'm always surprised how many people write songs about empty, forsaken lands! It's more popular than I thought.

There's nothing left of this day There's nothing left of this town Our time has ceased with such sorrow There's no one left here to mourn

Outside they cry, wolves in the night <- arooo.... Dark with their howls all around We'll just lie here, clothed in our sheepskin And trying to pretend there's no harm

I am going to put my two cents in and say DarkProwl.

You called, I answered Open the door, I enter The glow, the candor A feeling like no other

I wanna climb inside Be someone impolite Wanna eat you alive Should I, should I, should I?

AHHH HELP... you're not. Wrong??

This sounds like a super cute idea, with Blacknose being the singer and the bridge between Egret and Mallow.

It could be weird, but I think I'm into it You know I'm one for the overly passionate I like you, and I loved him We could all be the best kind of friends

You've got so much in common Talk about your taste in women I'll be in the middle While you two get along

Heartaches, heartaches My loving you, they're only heartaches Your kiss was such a sacred thing to me I can't believe it's just a burning memory

Heartaches, heartaches What does it matter how my heart breaks? I should be happy with someone new But my heart aches for you

Wailing... sobbing... my boys.......

Please, please be here for me dear 'Cause I've never needed a friend more And I can't stress enough How much it means to me that you're trying And I don't mind if you can't hold me like you used to 'Cause I've never hated myself more And this is just a bump in the road and I promise I'm trying

I'm trying to tear the wool from your eyes But a part of me wants to let you be 'Cause then you wouldn't see what I've become

Yes I think it would be!

Follow my moves Don't make a sound We will get past and we'll never be found Darker than blue Darker than black We will escape and we'll never come back

I can see it! Something about lost childhoods, and homes that used to be full but are now empty.

Standing in the yard, dressed like a kid The house is white and the lawn is dead The lawn is dead, the lawn is dead

Illinois toll road, Indiana plain Roll the windows down, shoot at the change Half return, half return Honey in your mouth when you gave me my name Tears in your eyes when you pull it like a chain

[mcflymemes]

GONE GIRL (2014) PROMPTS *  assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary

what are you thinking? how are you feeling? what have we done to each other?

i felt i needed to shoot something.

we've never fucked in a bookstore.

you know i have to kiss you now.

sometimes i want to punch us in the face, we're so cute.

when you're upset, you bottle up.

brought you a present.

i need you. now. touch me.

that's very sweet of you and very unnecessary.

pour me a bourbon, would you?

it's a bad day.

i'm so crazy, stupid happy.

i met a boy. a great, gorgeous, sweet, cool-ass guy.

things could get ugly.

whose beer am i drinking?

i prefer men who are funny, not "funny."

i'm the guy to save you from all this awesomeness.

it's hard to believe you. i think it's your chin.

you are way too into that cat.

tell me how it ends.

i'm not someone who hits the panic button, but... it's weird, right?

you mind if we look around?

so what do you do now? for work.

perfect, time for a quick tour of my failings.

i love your parents, but they can be assholes.

people want to hear from you.

i thought that'd be embarrassing.

i am here on a strictly journalistic capacity.

[name], you are beyond amazing. you are incredibly smart but entirely unsnobby. you are kind, but never a martyr.

you surprise me. you challenge me.

isn't it time we fixed that?

we're going to take this very, very seriously.

i go there for the quiet.

we're still not sure what we're dealing with.

please don't take that tone with me.

everyone told us... and told us and told us... marriage is hard work.

technically we're supposed to fuck at the next stop.

books, sex, bourbon... life is good.

i knew you shouldn't have moved back here.

maybe i'll teach you a thing or two.

i'm a little drunk.

let's swear we will never be like them.

everything else is background noise.

why are you throwing that in my face again?

it's like you're daring me to be someone i don't want to be.

i'm not that person. i'm your wife.

suddenly i knew everything was about to get worse.

i'm asking you nicely.

everyone is projecting their shit onto me.

i feel like i could disappear.

i've been so worried about you.

i don't want to fight. i just want to be with you. that's all i want.

you fucking lied to my fucking face.

for valentine's day, i thought i'd buy a gun.

you have to fucking talk to me!

i'm not going to be scared anymore.

this man of mine may kill me.

men always use that as the defining compliment, don't they? she's a cool girl.

i will admit. for someone who likes to win, it's tempting to be the girl every guy wants.

we were happy pretending to be other people.

i need to show you something.

see we have the same taste in men.

you're reading it again? you know how it ends.

whatever the hell they found, we have to assume it's very bad.

everyone would hate me.

why are you so good to me?

my defense is the truth.

i've never seen it in my life.

i feel myself fading.

i just said what you wanted to hear.

take off your clothes.

i'm a fighter. i fought my way back to you.

kiss my cheek.

you're not at risk anymore.

you know you can sleep with me, right?

we should hold hands.

you called me a murderer.

i haven't touched you.

i've killed for you.

[pepsiboyy]

HEARTSTRINGS. - p2

p1 ⚜ masterlist ⚜ p3

pairing: chris sturniolo x fem!reader summary: after moving to massachusetts from florida, y/n lives with her half brother, nathan doe, who is part of a small garage band. their sassy guitarist, chris sturniolo, can't help but get on her nerves. but there's something about him. warnings: use of y/n lol, cursing, use of nickname (ma literally once as a joke) a/n: HIIII short update but keeping u guys fed love u always <33

wednesday.

i hummed to myself and smiled as i made my way down the stairs. today was going to be a good day. i decided i should wake up each day with a positive outlook, because if i don't, then days won't be as bright, and-

"mornin, y/n."

my movements stopped as i looked over to the couch in the living room, occupied by nate, and chris.

my eyes met chris' as i stared at him and blinked a few times.

nate turned his head from the game they were playing on the tv and smiled warmly at me. "oh, hey."

i collected myself in my comfy robe and tried to mask my look of disgust, but it was hard. "what's he doing here?"

"no need for hostility, ma, just spending time with my best friend." chris motioned to nate, who smacked the everliving shit out of his arm.

"dude, don't call my sister that, it's weird."

i stared at the two, my cheeks a soft tint of pink as i shook my head. "right. so that means i have to-"

"get used to seein me, yup."

everyone's heads turned to the front door as it opened, and my dad walked in.

"hey guys. oh, hey chris." he said enthusiastically.

i watched in disbelief as they just allowed chris there. like he lived there.

i scoffed before grabbing a banana and making my way back to my room. there goes my positive outlook on today.

my dad was beginning to go to sleep, and nate was in his room. i had been in my room most of the day, not exactly wanting to run into chris, or my brother who would definitely give me a talk about chris. it just didn't interest me, i didn't want to see him.

maybe it was the bad first impression. i don't think there's actually much wrong with chris. maybe he's good at guitar. maybe he's good at whatever game him and nate were playing downstairs this morning.

i quickly shook my head as i slipped out of bed and made my way out of my room. i needed a drink. or something to eat. or fresh air. something to get my mind off of chris.

upon leaving my room, i was met with a larger figure passing by the front of my room. my eyes followed him and i noticed he was approaching nate's room. but he was taller than nate.

"oh, you're still up?"

i swear.

"you're still here?" i fired back, and chris threw his hands up in defense.

"what's your problem with me? did i do something to upset you?"

i stared at him, a look of annoyance on my face. not really, i wanted to say. your face is so punchable, i wanted to say. your hair is so cool, i wanted to say. i just can't stop thinking about you, i wanted to say.

"whatever." i mumbled as i passed him and entered the kitchen.

"come on, y/n. you can't hate me that much." chris whisper-yelled in response, attempting not to be loud as everyone else was beginning to fall asleep. "and to answer your question, i'm here because nate invited me to stay tonight and write lyrics. he was tired though, so he went to bed."

"mmhm." i responded blandly, opening the refrigerator, which lit up my face in the darkness of the kitchen.

"nate told me you sing a bit?"

i turned to chris and narrowed my eyes. "i dabble. but you'd catch me dead before catching me singing for your band." i mumbled, pointing my pointer finger at chris with one hand and a tub of orange juice in my other hand.

chris clutched his chest as he stared at me, a clear look of hurt on his face. "harsh much. no need for the sass, i deal with it enough at home."

i shut the refrigerator and looked at him as i got two cups out, setting them on the counter. "at home?"

"yeah," chris started, as he watched me pour the orange juice into the two cups, "i have two brothers. i'm a triplet actually."

"eugh, there's more of you?"

chris stared at me, dumbfounded. "they're nothing like me, believe it or not." he mumbled, but something about his tone made me realize he was serious, but almost in a way that was sentimental to him. i could tell he looks up to his brothers.

"you three close?" i questioned as i put away the orange juice and began sipping at my cup.

"absolutely. never really done much without them." he smiled softly at the thought of his two brothers. "their names are matt and nick."

i nodded as i listened to him. "i see. before nate, i didn't really have siblings. i just lived with my mom in florida." i chuckled, setting my cup down gently.

chris nodded. "see, i just can't even begin to imagine a life without siblings." he gently picked up the cup i poured for him, and motioned it up as a soft 'cheers' and smiled. "thank you, by the way," he mumbled before he took a sip out of the cup.

i smiled warmly and nodded. "and i can hardly imagine a life with siblings. but nate is so kind, i look forward to getting closer to him."

chris nodded as he leaned against the counter and stared out the kitchen window, humming to himself in response. "nathan is my best friend. truly. i can go to him about anything." he turned to me and smiled. "i think you'll love having him around. he's a reliable friend, i can't imagine how he would be as a brother. he didn't even let me call you a harmless nickname earlier."

"harmless is kind of.." i trailed off and smiled softly at chris. we looked at each other before i sat up and hummed. "anyways. i'm going to go back to my room. you have fun writing lyrics?" i smiled at chris.

chris nodded as he looked at me, finishing his cup and sitting up. "yeah. i'll be in nate's room." he smiled. "i'll come to you if i get lonely?"

"in your dreams." i quickly responded, sitting up as i made my way to the stairs. chris followed behind me and chuckled softly.

"too late for that, y/n."

p1 ⚜ masterlist ⚜ p3

comment to be added to taglist!! taglist;; @sturnioloshacker @nickgetsmewetter @matthewsturniolosgirlfriend101 @chrissgirlsstuff @nsjsnshey @sturniolosarethebest

[sugawhaaa]

NOOOO MY XDINARY BRAINROT IS SO SO BAD RN TOO!!!!

I keep thinking about bunny hybrid junhannie going into rut and fucking the daylights out of his owner <33 promising to breed them full of his kits, babbling about how he cant wait to give them his mates mark </3 WORMS!!! HYBRID HEROES BRAINWORMS!!!!

HYBRID JUNHAN ONE-SHOT

🪐♡✧˖ °🪐♡✧˖ °🪐♡✧˖ °🪐♡✧˖ °🪐♡✧˖ °🪐♡✧

I can't help myself

Warnings::SMUT/some vulgar language

Genre:: it's kinda implied that the reader is female but it's never really said, breeding, hand job, nipple play, creampie (don't try this at home kids (╯✧▽✧)╯)

Pairing:: bunny hybrid!Junhan! X female bodied!reader

A//N:: I WAS LITERALLY THINKING ABT WRITING HYBRID JUNHAN LIKE...YESTERDAY I'm usually not super into hybrid prompts but Junhan being a hybrid just makes sense 🤌 he'd feel guilty and embarrassed but would also jerk off to images of you 24/7

You weren't oblivious to a hybrid's heat. You've had your bunny hybrid, Junhan, for about 3 years, and every year around spring and early summer he goes through heat. He usually manages it very well. He talks to you about it but it's never very serious...perhaps it was because he was so young.

Now he's a lot older and you'd think that he's learned ways to manage his heat and impulses but this time it's all different.

It was around mid May when he woke up one morning, his ears perked straight up even though they're usually pretty droopy. He didn't pay much mind to it and went downstairs to you. You waved at him with a little "morning baby!" And his heart skipped a beat. His face turned red and he cleared his throat.

"M-Morning" he replied and sat down at the kitchen table. You raised an eyebrow at his odd behavior.

"Is it that time of year again?" You leaned on the table, unintentionally showing him your cleavage. He looked away, his ears flicking up again at the tip.

"Yeah," he said as his eyes tried to avert from you but he couldn't help it. You stood up again and continued to look through the kitchen for breakfast.

"What do you want to eat?" You asked.

"Oatmeal..." he said softly as he watched your body move swiftly. Your waist, your hips, your ass...he felt so bad but he couldn't help but stare. He watched you intently.

That day was about a week ago and ever since he's been distant from you. He'll hang out with you during breakfast and dinner but almost never aside from that. You weren't a fool either. You heard him in the dead of night masturbating using whatever he could find, a pillow, sock, his own hands, anything that could satisfy his needs. Every morning he'd have dark circles under his eyes and his ears would always be straight up. You knew this happened usually when he was turned on or hard.

Eventually, you had enough of it. You were worried about him and after dinner, you demanded that he talk to you in your room. You crossed your arms and Junhan sat on the edge of your bed. His ears drooped back, flat against his head.

"What's going on?" You ask abruptly. "I know you're in heat but you've never been so distraught. Usually, when you masturbate it's only for a little while and you know when to stop but I've heard you at 3 in the morning," you explain and Junhan turns red.

"W-Well..." he pauses and you decided to speak up again.

"Not to mention you hardly eat and you're not going outside. And back to the masturbating, you're using whatever you can find that somewhat resembles a sex toy. You even used my electric toothbrush as a vibrator!" You blurt out. You sounded a lot more angry than you were.

"I'm sorry!" He bowed his head on your bed. You looked at him shocked. "I-I Don't know what's wrong with me this time but I just can't stop myself. All day and night I'm so horny and there's nothing I can do about it! I masturbate for hours on end but nothing helps. I thought I might need to be more intense so I used other things to simulate toys and things," he explained with upset eyes. "It's so hard..." he looked at you with drooped ears. You hugged him and he looked shocked.

"You should've just told me," you pet his ears as you speak. He nuzzles into your shoulder as you hug each other. He accidentally grinds himself on your thigh as you hug but you ignore it. His ears flutter against your hand, softly petting them.

"I'm so horny," he cried out in a broken voice. "I just want to fuck you so bad," he whimpered and you chuckled.

"Okay," you pull back and start to take your shirt off. Junhans ears straighten out.

"Wait, wait, wait," he waved his hands around and you stopped what you were doing. "Are you sure? Like I mean literally. I want to-"

"I'm sure." You cut him off and continued to take off your shirt. Junhan watched intently. Watching how your body moved with so much skin exposed. "Cmere," you said as you pulled him close. You took off his hoodie and shirt. His hips subconsciously bucked against your hip as you held him. Little breathy whimpers escaped his mouth. As soon as you leaned back against the head of the bed he lost all his composure. He leaned down and kissed you passionately, his body pressed against yours as he kissed you.

There was no thought in his touch, he just wanted to feel you. Your body, your lips, your most sensitive areas. He wanted it all and you were giving it to him. He bit down on your neck suddenly and you jumped. He sucked on the skin leaving a red mark on your lower neck. He continued this a few times but he got bored quickly. It was apparent he just wanted to cut to the chase. One of the straps of your bra fell down your shoulder and his ears twitched at the sight. You smiled and put your arms behind your back to unclip your bra. As soon as it fell his eyes lit up, his ears straightening again.

He licked your nipples softly and gently, just grazing his textured tongue across your sensitive skin. He loved to hear your soft whimpers of pleasure but it just wasn't enough for him. He craved you more. He needed more of you.

Junhan moved lower to the waistband of your pants. You nodded and he took them off, leaving you in only your panties. You put your hand on his chest before he could continue, his ears drooped back as he looked at you. "Here, let me help you out a bit," you said as you gently pushed him to lie down. Junhan laid back and waited for your next move. You undid his jeans and he blushed, his ears still tucked back. You took off his boxers as well, finally freeing his precum-covered erection. He bit his lip and looked down at you through fluttered eyes. You gently wrapped your hand around him and his breath hitched.

You slowly started moving your hand up and down, watching how his entire body reacted. As you picked up the pace his moans got louder. His knees jolted forward every now and then.

"I'm gonna cum," he whimpers out before grabbing the bed sheets. "Please, please," he whimpers as his back arched, pushing your hand down to the base of his cock. You continued at a steady pace before speeding up, finally letting him release. His cum dripped all over your hand and down to his base. His body twitched lightly as his ears curled. "I wanna breed you so bad," he whimpered out as he looked up at you. His eyes weak.

You looked at him surprised. He had never been so straightforward before. "Are you sure?" You asked softly, finally releasing your grip on him. Your hands sticky and wet. He looks up at you with the most desperate and eager eyes. His ears fell back as he looked up at you, his lips slightly parted. You caved in and nodded. You pulled down your panties and tossed them to the floor with the rest of the clothes.

Junhan looked you up and down. If this was an anime his nose would be bleeding and drool would be pouring from his lips. You laid down on your back and Junhan loomed over you. He bit his lip impatiently waiting for you to give the okay.

"Okay, start slow," you smile and he finally pushes inside you. You gasp as he fills you with his hard cock. You take a deep breath and Junhans ears stay straight up. He slowly starts thrusting into you, letting you adjust.

"I want to breed you so bad, fill you with all my cum and you'll take it all," Junhan mumbled as he tried to hold back his thrusts. He wanted to rut into you like this was the last time he'd ever get to fuck, but he didn't want to alarm you.

You look up at him through hazy eyes, seeing his long black hair all over his face and the lust in his eyes. You hold his shoulders and he just can't resist anymore. He starts pounding into you to the point your whole body shakes with each thrust. "You're going to keep every single last drop of my cum inside you," he groaned as he held the pillow next to your head. "I can't wait to mark you, you'll be mine," he smirks as you become a moaning mess.

You start clawing at his shoulders from the pleasure, little scratches present on his shoulders. "That's it, baby, you're so tight," he mumbles. Every word that comes out of his mouth slurs into the next. "Keep every drop in that tight pussy," he hisses before gritting his teeth. His head falls forward and his ears fall back.

"I'm gonna cum," you whimper out softly. Junhans eyes light up at your statement. Your words encourage him to thrust faster and harder. You throw your head back and arch your back. "Yes!" You moan out as you're just about to tip over the edge. With one final hard thrust you both cum at the same time. You feel his hot semen fill you up as your body convulses from pleasure. Junhan leans down and kisses your neck softly as sweat drips from his forehead, his cock still buried so deep inside you.

He chuckles softly from the rush of pleasure. "Fuck I needed that," he laughs as his hand runs up your body.

"You wanna do round two?" You smirk and Junhans ears shoot up.

"Of course," he smiled and pulled out of you. "Let's catch our breath for a minute first," he sighs as he throws his head back, sweat dripping down his neck to his chest. While he's cooling down you move into a doggy style position in front of him. Junhans eyes light up as he sees your ass out right in front of him for his taking.

"Ready when you are~" you hum happily and Junhan can't help himself. He pushes back into you quickly. You jump and grab the pillow in front of you. Junhan grabs your hips and holds you steady as he pulls out of you and then back in even harder. The sound of your skin hitting each other echoes throughout the room. "This position feels so good," you moan as your eyes roll back.

"Good," he hisses and increases the pace. Your tight walls sucking his cock dry. "You better keep all of this cum inside you, I'm gonna fill you so much to the point you're going to burst," he smirks and claws at your hips and ass as he pounds into you. You feel his length continuously hitting your g-spot and you feel like you're going to explode from pleasure. Junhans hand creeps up your back and grabs your hair in a tight and messy ponytail. He pulls your head back and you moan loudly. "You're so close darling, I can feel it," he smirks as he thrusts into you faster.

"Y-Yes," you whimper as your orgasm approaches fast.

"I can't wait to fill your little pussy again," he mumbles as your moans become louder. Junhan groans deeply as he feels his climax approaching. This knot in your stomach is just about to burst when he finally hits your G-spot one last time. You come undo beneath him but he doesn't stop. "Just a little more baby," he grunts before finally climaxing, painting your insides white. He lets your hair go and let's the rush wear off the both of you.

You let out a calm sigh and he pulls out. He lays down next to you and looks at your face, your hair a mess. "Did I go too hard?" He asks softly as he brushes back some of your hair.

"No, it was perfect," you smile. "And besides, as long as your happy I'm happy,"

[hazshit-hotel-hater]

The way substance abuse has been handled on the show thus far genuinely upsets me and reeks of writers who either 1.) don't understand the subject matter they're presenting and haven't done even the bare minimum to research it or, worse, 2.) simply don't care.

Apologies for the slight rant incoming, your comment about how it has been mostly "handled" off-screen got me going because that's 100% true and in that truth is such a missed opportunity for the show. The way it has been handled winds up feeling incredibly shallow and juvenile at the end of the day, especially for a piece of media that is attempting to present itself as "adult" and navigate multiple incredibly sensitive topics. I'll try not to get into my own personal experiences and will speak broadly, but the show uses substance abuse more as a cheap character flaw to poke fun at or something to magically handwave away when it is inconvenient, rather than the life-altering, debilitating illness that it is.

Nothing about Angel's use is ever meaningfully explored. It's so (apparently) unimportant to his arc and development that one rude comment from Husk (a character who ALSO has a problem with gambling and alcohol that is never addressed) is all it takes for him to suddenly "resist temptation" and be shown as "recovered" (unless I'm misremembering). Or was he suddenly going to counseling off-screen too and its just another thing that will be told to us rather than shown? And how does Charlie even handle that at the Hotel (I'd be really interested in this as a moment for her character to have to grow/change too)? Does she even understand substance abuse and the many unaddressed systemic factors that can influence it? Or is the entire recovery process just shame based (because that works so well /s) combined with some more corny trust exercises? Why is this incredibly serious topic relegated to the background as if it's unimportant?

Recovery is hard. It is emotional and exhausting. Withdrawal (depending on what you're coming off of) can sometimes mean excruciating, unimaginable pain and in some cases people literally die. It is not a funny "ha-ha I take drugs because I'm chaotic and wild" quirk to be adored or glorified and it definitely should not be presented as something that can be wrapped up in a month or two off-screen without any development whatsoever. That's just insulting.

When you approach a topic like substance abuse and recovery, I personally feel you need to take in all sides of it. All the missteps that come with it (two steps forward one step back - mistakes are expected and okay), the self-loathing, the guilt and shame, the joy, the sense of freedom, the loss, and the best part of all: the incredibly difficult but liberating journey that is rebuilding your life and learning to love yourself and your body again, once you've chosen to be free and to live life.

Mad props to anyone who has ever battled this disease. You are strong, you are worth it and you are valued. Lol I am so sorry for going off here but I so appreciate you calling out the lack of exploration on this topic in the show. I guess I didn't even realize how annoyed and upset it was making me feel (praying this is coherent...).

This was absolutely coherent don’t worry!! Im really glad to see other people talking about this. I myself have not struggled with drug addiction but I have struggled with other kinds and as someone that studies a bunch of medical junk, I’d say I’m decently knowledgeable.

I’m mainly going to focus on Angel for this since he’s the main character I write for, but I assure you other characters addictions are also handled in my rewrite.

During the actual canon show, we don’t see Angel actually abusing substances that often; there’s a few times, most notably in episode 4, but from the rest of the show onward we hardly see anything. Yes in episode 6 they mentioned relapsing, which, mind you, was done horribly, but I digress. They touch on relapsing; Angel relapses, and then… what..??? What happened from that? I don’t feel upset or second hand guilt of any kind from this scene because we haven’t seen Angel’s attempts to stay sobre and off drugs.

His name is fucking Angel Dust. You don’t, I dunno, think that’d entail a higher dependency on drugs? Why do you think he named himself that?

About his name before anything else, the show has so much potential later on to talk about Angel picking out his drag name and why he chose that specifically. So much potential to explore how he views drugs and himself. He sees them as an escape and something “fun” to take his mind off of his actual life. When you die in a fucking coma and wake up in hell as a spider you’re going to want an escape. You will want to ignore reality. I am fully convinced Angel picked his name once he started performing because thats what he needed at the time. He needs to be like that to survive in hell. Angel is an incredibly mentally ill, troubled, traumatised, and unstable person, and being surrounded by so much intense negative influence only amplifies his current problems. I don’t mean to drag Vox in here but in my last redesign post I mentioned how very mildly bad people can become even worse people in hell because of the environment and this is no different for Angel. He’s been surrounded by crime and drugs his entire life and unable to live comfortably because of his sexuality. He has very likely been struggling with substances since he was a teen. Possibly even younger. He is not going to suddenly get over his addiction because of something like this. It could pave the way to him looking into dealing with it, but things like this can take years. I don’t remember when my addiction started; I’ve been clean for 2 1/2 years now I think, but the amount of relapsing and anguish I experienced while working towards that isn’t something that can be done in a few days or months. I still struggle with feeling like I deserve to say I’m recovering.

I’m hoping they tactfully handle this as they should, but my hopes are low. It’s okay to show a character relapsing. It’s okay to show a character feeling guilty. What matters is that the struggle is there to signify they’re trying. For a character with a song called “Addict” you really don’t see much of it. Drug and alcohol addiction is not a silly thing to just twiddle your fingers with and be like “well I guess thats over!” It’s incredibly insensitive to do so.

Whenever I write about Angel’s struggles with addictions, I focus on how small they can feel until you realise what’s actually happening. Just me talking about my rewrite again, but to get my ideas out here: Angel smokes often. He smokes at the studio when he’s stressed, he smokes at the hotel when he’s stressed, he smokes at in alleyways when he’s bored, there’s almost no location he won’t, but sometimes he tries to smoke less. His lungs aren’t the same as humans and technically he has 2 pairs of lungs, but smoking causes him to cough. This is painful in general and especially painful for Angel since he has barbs going down the back of his throat. Imagine choking on sandpaper, kind of like that. It’s painful, he doesn’t like the sound, Fat Nuggets REALLY doesn’t like the sound, and it’s an overall inconvenience, so he tries to stop smoking as much. Periods like this usually go fine for him until the stress returns or he starts to feel the withdrawal. Withdrawal from any sort of addiction is terrible, and in Angel’s case, just from not smoking it worsens his mental state further. He becomes irritable and stressed and that stress leads to wanting to smoke again to calm down. He may resist a few times and those times should be praised, but he gives in eventually. One cigarette to calm down becomes two, then three, and before he can process himself getting carried away, the entire pack is gone. It’s things like this that make addiction horrible. It’s something that deeply scared me when I was struggling. When I was struggling I was still in the mindset of “I can stop when I want to” and then being so suddenly hit in the face with the realisation that I’m not longer in control of this is terrifying. I could not stop when I wanted to. There were even points where I didn’t want to stop. Even just getting the smallest glimpse of this in an incredibly serious manner with Angel Dust would surprise me. To think the bar is this low on a show that seemingly prides itself on tackling such sensitive topics like you said is appalling. Your show shouldn’t have to be told how to write itself.

[periwinkla]

Jp -> Eng difference in the dialogue with Edgeworth in 3-5

Just an interesting difference I noticed at the end of the dialogue when choosing to talk about 'Earthquakes' in the garden. Disclaimer: I studied Japanese just for a little while. I literally struggle by. The dialogue is quite simple here though. Also English isn't my native language, either. In any case, if anyone knows better and wants to add to this discussion, please do! (Also keep in mind localization =/= translation) ENG

Edgeworth You think I don't know that!? I was there! But... It was such a shock. I never imagined I could be so wrong about myself and my life... I'm sorry, Wright... There's nothing else I can say. Not after you chose to become a lawyer for my sake... And not after you saved me...

Phoenix (Edgeworth... You're stronger than you think, so no more of this self-pity, OK...?)

. JP Mitsurugi ‥‥わかっているさ！ 自分でも、そのつもりでいた。 それだけに、ショックだ。 ‥‥こんなミスをするとは、な。 私のために弁護士の道を選び、 助けてくれたキミにも‥‥ ‥‥申しわけない。 Ryuuchi （やれやれ‥‥ ずいぶん弱気になっちまったな） Mitsurugi ...Wakatte iru sa! Jibun demo, sono tsumori de ita. Sore dake ni, shokku da. ...Konna misu wo suru to wa, na. Watashi no tame ni bengoshi no michi wo erabi, tasukete kureta kimi ni mo... ...Moshiwakenai. Ryuuichi (Yareyare... Zuibun yowaki ni nacchimatta na) . 'more' direct translation Edgeworth ...I know that! And, that was my intention. But even still, it was a shock. ...And making such a mistake. (refers to letting Iris escape) To you, who chose the path of a defense attorney for my sake and saved me... ...I apologize. (it feels like a very heartfelt apology, the wording makes it mean something like 'I can only say that I'm sorry', and seems to me also implying 'I feel guilty that after everything you did for me, I am still not better'). Phoenix (Man... he got really disheartened)* *"Zuibun yowaki ni nacchimatta na" translates to "He's become quite weak." or "He's gotten quite weak." It refers to his emotions, so I thought disheartened was more apt. He's saying 'he's really down', basically. Point is the English version completely changed the meaning of what Phoenix says. I found it interesting because I remember people wanting Phoenix to say it out loud instead, but it makes sense that he didn't if that was what he thought in Japanese instead. ...I honestly prefer the English version, was quite bummed to be honest. By contrast, the wording Edgeworth uses in the Japanese version is very heartbreaking, and so... unguarded? That's my perception of it anyway. But I really like the localization for him.

[venturelovebot]

A/N: No one requested this, and this is purely self indulgent. 🫠 I hope nobody minds. I still plan on doing requests! I just wanted to help myself feel better.

Premise: Suicidal!gn!reader x Supportive!Venture. I scrapped the fic because I just didn't like it and went with head canons instead. Made it extra fluffy so if you're having a bad day you can safely read it!

Warning: Low key suicide mentions but no actual suicide.

✦ "Sometimes I just think it would be better off for everyone if I didn't exist at all."

✦ "If I could just erase everyone's memory of me and disappear... I would make everyone's life much easier."

✦ Being low key suicidal would be something you would hide for months into your relationship, and if you're lucky, maybe even a year.

✦ You're very good at pretending everything is alright because you don't want to 'bother anyone more than you already do'. At least, that was your explanation of it.

✦ Obviously, Sloan is devastated.

✦ One day you had finally had enough of pretending to be fine. The meltdown was a massive one– screaming, sobbing, throwing (soft) things across the room. You were thankful they only saw the aftermath of the whole ordeal.

✦ They were rightfully concerned after you were talking about some pretty dark things.

✦ "I'm sure I could be replaced. There's always more people out there to meet, eventually someone will fill the hole that I would leave behind– if I even left one."

✦ "Someone better in every way. Better looking, smarter, more lovable. Someone that is the opposite of me."

✦ They weren't sure what to think at first, as they knew you could be extremely hard on yourself. It wasn't your fault and they certainly weren't about to blame you for something out of your control.

✦ However, when you stopped replying it became a different story entirely.

✦ They found you curled up in a blanket on the couch. You had not eaten, you were barely hydrated, and your face was red and wet from being so upset.

✦ "Please don't take me to the hospital. I don't want to go." You plead with them.

✦ "We're not going anywhere, mi vida. Just talk to me."

✦ You told them everything that was on your mind: how worthless you felt you were, how much of a burden you were to them, how much happier they would be without you.

✦ The look on their face didn't change much. You were afraid you finally said too much.

✦ "That's not true."

✦ Not the response you expected.

✦ "I love you with every fiber of my being. I don't know what a life without you would look like, but I certainly don't want to know. Not now. Not ever."

✦ Their reaction sounded completely out of character to you. You were used to them cracking jokes despite the tension, but now it seems that seriousness was all they were composed of.

✦ They lift up your blanketed body so they could hold you for awhile. If you had any tears left in your tired eyes you'd be crying again right now.

✦ For awhile it's quiet, just the two of you snuggled up on the couch as the minutes ticked by.

✦ They were terrified to leave you alone that night, so you spent it together. Not something you're unfamiliar with, but this time they wouldn't let you out of their sight.

✦ In the morning it was pretty much the same way. This time they got you to eat a little bit of food and drink a glass of water to help you nourish yourself after yesterday's excitement.

✦ And yes, they were happy enough to spoon food into your mouth and crack jokes to see you smile. They had to. The seriousness had began to take a toll on them.

✦ That, and seeing your smile meant everything to them.

✦ When you went to bed for an afternoon nap they decided to call Angela for advice in between checking on you every thirty minutes.

✦ "Well, I'm not a therapist. However, I think you would both benefit from having an emergency plan in case something like this happens again." 🪽

✦ "I know it's a lot of work, but you sound like you genuinely care about [Y/N]." 🪽

✦ "I do." 🪨

✦ "Sometimes the best thing for people who are suffering is to just be there for them and listen to them. Believe me, it can do a world of good." 🪽

✦ "Thank you, Angela." 🪨

✦ "You're quite welcome, and please tell [Y/N] I wish them well!" 🪽

✦ "Can do!" 🪨

✦ In the evening when you feel the sadness return they hold you close and make sure you don't feel alone while you ride out your emotions.

✦ Once you're able to properly think again, the two of you brainstorm ideas related to Angela's advice.

✦ You both decide on a system that was easy enough to remember– they would ask you for a number, and depending on how you felt would determine your answer.

✦ The numbers went one through five: one meaning you felt safe and five meaning you needed support with varying levels of severity in between.

✦ While the goal was to always be a one, they knew that wasn't possible. So instead, they would do the best they could to remain available at all hours of the day so you could call them if needed.

✦ They also visit you a lot more often now. Even though you feel bad for interfering with their work, they just genuinely wanted to spend time with you and make sure you were going to be okay.

✦ Besides, work could wait until tomorrow. They weren't concerned about that at all.

✦ They promised you that no matter what the two of you were going through that you would both be okay in the end.

✦ No matter the amount of tears, no matter the amount of turmoil, no matter the amount of self loathing and insecurity– you were going to be okay, and in turn, so were they.

✦ "How are we feeling, mi corazón?"

✦ No matter what number you chose they were always prepared.

✦ "I think I feel like a one today."

✦ But hearing that you were feeling well for the first time in a long time was enough to bring them to actual tears of joy.

✦ Having to be the one to comfort them and calm them down was certainly a change of pace.

✦ "I'm just happy that you're feeling better." Then they held you as tightly as they could without hurting you.

✦ "I want to be here for all of your ones, too. I love to see you happy, because nothing makes me happier than you. You are my only one."

[joelswritingmistress]

Camp Crystal Lake: Chapter 9

Requested by @yellowjacketsbuzzbuzz

Joel Miller x f!reader (romance/horror)

Setting: Camp Crystal Lake

The reader is taking on the position of a camp counselor at the infamous Camp Crystal Lake. While she begins to enjoy her summer, even crushing on the camp director Joel, a killer lurks in the woods unbeknownst to anyone.

Laying in Joel’s arms all night until the sun came up was perfection, to say the least. I had never been the type to be clingy or fall hard for a guy; but I knew this was the exception. If Joel wanted all my time and attention, I would gladly give it to him.

When I stirred in the early morning hours with the peak of the sun through the blinds, I heard Joel clear his throat beside me.

“What time is it?” I whispered, though it was the least of my concerns. As he cuddled me close to his body, face-to-face, I smiled and all of a sudden didn’t care about my question.

“A little after six,” he said quietly back. A second later his lips pressed against mine and all of the events of the night before played through my mind like a movie. Joel’s hand traveled the length of my bare back and rested on my hip. “Are you an early morning girl?”

I smiled against his lips and we laughed together. “I am.” I sighed and accepted another kiss, “You seem like an early riser.”

Joel laughed a little louder, “I am.” He echoed, pulling up at the back of my leg as I let it hook around the top of his. I was lost in him already. He knew exactly what he was doing and I allowed myself the morning to get lost in my time with him.

As I pulled on the laces of my sneakers with one foot on the bottom step of the staircase, Sandra was eying me as she tied a bandana around her head in preparation for the morning hike. I smirked to myself and she finally giggled.

“Are you going to come out with it or are you going to make me pry?” She asked with a laugh, toying with her bouncy girls.

“I don't know what you're talking about?” I joked.

“You know the windows were open, right?”

I glanced up and stared at her with my mouth half open and Sandra began to laugh a little louder.

“I'm kidding,” she claimed. “We didn't hear anything.”

I swatted her on the arm.

“So did you..” Sandra began but abruptly changed the course of her sentence when her eyes landed on Joel, who casually appeared at the top of the staircase and began his descent down. “Did you eat breakfast yet?”

“I'm probably just going to have a couple pieces of toast,” I said, trying not to smile.

“Like..” Sandra smirked, “.. one piece on top of the other all lathered in butter or just plain side by side?”

I snickered at first and then couldn't help but let out on a full blown laugh. “Umm..” My eyes lifted to meet Joel’s who was fighting hard to suppress a grin as he reached the bottom of the stairwell, pulling a baseball hat on.

Damn he looks good.

“Morning ladies,” he addressed us.

“Good morning Mr. Miller,” Sandra said with a nod, smiling big.

“Morning,” I echoed.

“Ready to learn the walking trails around here?” He asked, “Maybe get an early morning jog in?”

“Walking trails, yes,” Sandra told him enthusiastically. “Running? Not so much.”

“She's just worried us men will show up the girls,” Ted joked, entering the conversation as he crossed his bony arms across his chest.

“You know I can probably beat you up, Ted?” Sandra claimed.

“Promise?” He wiggled his eyebrows and made her laugh.

“Has anyone seen Annie?” Joel asked, glancing around the open floor plan of the bottom floor where everyone else was scattered about.

Jeff wandered toward the window and glanced outside with his hands on his hips. “Her car’s not there.”

“Did she join you at the fire last night?”

Jeff and Sandra looked at one another and shook their heads.

“We saw her come inside,” Ted said, nudging Sandra, “Remember?”

“Yeah we called her name because we saw someone take the stairs onto the porch and go inside. But she must not have heard us.”

“Hmm..” Joel glanced up the stairs and then joined Jeff by the window. “Maybe she went to pick up some more food and supplies for the kitchen. I know that was her concern last night when she went out to the dining hall.”

“Should we walk by it on our hike?” I asked him. “Make sure things are okay?”

Joel nodded. “I'm sure everything’s fine.”

“You didn't hear her come in last night, boss?” Ted asked.

Joel's eyes briefly met mine and he shook his head. “No.”

“That wasn't until after ten,” Teri choked in from where she sat on the couch, toying with her phone.

“Yeah, you were probably asleep,” Sandra added, maintaining an extra second of eye contact with him. The corner of her mouth tipped up in a little half-smirk.

“It was a long day,” Joel explained.

“I'm going to grab a couple bottles of water,” I said, vacating the area and feeling Sandra at my heels as we made our way to the refrigerator.

Joel looked at his watch. “Five minutes. Let's meet out front. Oh and.. no wandering over to the old Camp Blood.” He cleared his throat and Jeff made a guilty face.

Sandra looked over her shoulder with a smile and rolled her eyes. “I wouldn't want to miss dessert.”

@gissellec1 @cattt777 @mellymbee @armybts20137 @bbiophiliaa @littleblackcatinwonderland @mermaidgirl30 @brittmb115 @yellowjacketsbuzzbuzz @beltzboys2015-blog blog @lwfics @pedropascal111 @mellymbee @itscatrodriguez-thepearl

[orange-demons]

Ed boy,,, eddy boy, he needs some tender softness in his life he's been through so much rough stuff and the thought of him having a moment to rest for a bit while reader goes "if something comes for you, I'm here to protect you" just jajfjakshdk this poor boy needs a warm hug and some proper sleep

speaking about warm hugs and proper sleep...

"1800810" you mumbled, tracing the raised ink on his shoulder.

You lay tangled in the sheets, with the moon being the only source of light in the cheap motel room.

"Does it mean anything?" you asked, snaking your arms around his.

"Yeah, it means mind your business and go back to sleep." he said pushing his hair back with his free hand, which gave you the perfect view of his sunken eyes and dark bags.

"Liar. You're just waiting til I fall asleep so you can leave." you mused, leaning closer to him. "Wanna try that again?"

Ed knew you wouldn't settle on anything less than the truth, but he'd still run circles around you until you dropped it. It worked in the past, and he would continue to use it against you.

But you were oddly persistent today.

You're calling his bluff on every excuse he gave you, and you weren't taking his half-ass lies with a grain of salt anymore.

You're becoming restless. "Then you should be used to this, already. It’s not like we were ever official, or anything.”

“You wound me, Eddie." you said pulling a fake frown. "I care about you, you know.”

“Right.” He muttered, burrowing his eyes into you. You should've been nothing more than a fling to help him get his mind off his reoccurring night terrors.

And of course, like an idiot, he got close to you too.

Damn this arrangement.

Ed sat up, his muscles tensing as he shifted away from your embrace, but you only tightened your grip around him. And you pulled yourself up with the sheets pooling around your waist.

"Hey, why are you in such a hurry to leave? I missed you." You said resting your cheek against his arm. "We barely even talked last time you were here and you don't pick up my phone calls when you're away."

Shit. This is exactly why he wanted to avoid you when coming back to Metro City because he knew you would start asking questions.

His plan was to wait until you fell asleep to make his escape, but it doesn't seem like you'll be letting up on him anytime soon.

“Is something after you?”

“Stop.” He tensed at your question.

“Stop what?” You asked confused.

“Doing that...acting like you care and shit.” Ed muttered under his breath, frustration evident in his voice.

“But I do.” You said, unraveling yourself from him.

"And why would you? It's not like I'll stick around long enough to put you in any type of danger." He entertained the idea of staying, of succumbing to the intoxicating pull of your presence. But the looming danger of what's to come occupied his mind.

"Because if something does come for you, I'll be here to protect you." You intertwined your fingers with his.

“You? Protecting me? What a joke.” Ed scoffed, snatching his hand away from yours.

“I’m serious, I don’t know what you're so afraid of tha-"

“I’m not afraid of anything." He cut you off. "and I don’t need you whining in my ear all the time and all that other crap.”

His words hit you like a punch to the gut. He’s still trying to push you away despite all that you’ve been through.

“Look," he said. "I can’t promise your safety in the future.” His reluctance to involve you in his troubles probably stems from a desire to protect you. In his mind, keeping you at arm's length is another way of shielding you from danger.

“You don’t need to, I can handle myself.”

"Yeah, I know you can." Ed huffed, closing his eyes. He leaned into the bedframe, feeling the oncoming headache. Your insistence on being involved with him despite the risks, challenges his perception of you.

Forcing him to confront that maybe you're stronger than he gave you credit for.

You wanted to keep the conversation going, but it doesn’t seem like he’s willing to talk to you anymore. Months of getting to know the man you met at the Metro Station and countless dates, went down the drain. You try to shake off the disappointment, though the ache in your chest refuses to fade.

You hoped for something more to come out of this, but now it feels like it was all just a cruel illusion, with him disappearing in the masses.

“Fine, then go. You don’t need me holding you back.” your voice rumbled in the room's silence. If he didn't want to stay, why should you force him? "But I really hope you know, no matter what. I'll always want to be here with you."

You turned away from him, pulling the covers over your bare body.

Maybe in another life, he would’ve cared about you as much as you did. One where he’s honest with the way he feels, instead of throwing it in your face. And one where he sees you more than someone who can warm his bed on lonely nights.

When you woke up to the morning rays hitting your face, Ed was nowhere in sight. You reached out expecting to feel his warmth, only to meet nothing. The sheets were crumpled and his side of the bed was empty.

So he did leave after all.

You sighed, turning to your nightstand to check the time. You felt something odd graze your finger, so you pushed yourself up, finding a sticky note on your phone.

"If you're serious about what you said, meet me at the train station by 12pm. Hurry up, and don't keep me waiting."

Smiling to yourself, you threw on your clothes and gathered the rest of your scattered items around the room.

You gave one last look at the bed you and Ed shared, before making your way over to the train station.

stuck next to you - tiishe

[livingformintyoongi]

Yoongi and yn: friends.

They are playing truth or dare (the spicy kind, but ALL VERY CONSENSUAL!!!!!) with some friends at this pool party (note: they are all in swimwear).

Their friends know they like each other so they dare Yoongi to kiss her inner thighs, and yn to kiss his happy trail.

Next round they ask him to kiss her 🍒 and her to put her hands inside his swim trunks and stroke his 🍆 (again, ALL VERY CONSENSUAL!!!!!!!!)

She gets very horny by it so she excuses herself to one of the rooms and Yoongi follows her, they have a bit of a talk about what happened back there and he tells her that he was left wishing he could finish what he started and she tells that she can finish it now. He uses some of that 👅 technology with her and then fucks her silly (Yoongi is kind of obsessed with readers big🍒,she is older by 1year)

When they are done, their friends are waiting for them outside laughing and saying that their plan worked

thankyouuuu 💕💕💕💕

Pool Party

a/n: This is literally the longest thing I've ever written lol. I had quite a lot of fun making it, hope you liked it ^^. Sorry it took me so long, I wanted to make the dividers for this request myself, mostly because it takes me a long time to find one I like for the shots. Here is a photo of Yoongi and Reader's swimsuits, so that you have a clear picture of what they are wearing. warnings: a kind of semi public sex (?, Big dick Yoongi, Reader is a year older than Yoongi, blowjob (f gets), a little praise kink, Yoongi and reader throw in a joke or two during sex, unprotected sex (please don't do this, always use a condom), drunk sex. wc: 4.7k

"What did you say?" you looked at Soyeon, feeling your heart race at her comment.

"Did I speak too softly? I'm sorry," she smiled that Machiavellian smile you knew so well. They always meant trouble, "I told Yoongi to kiss your inner thigh, is that a problem? Because if it is I can take back the challenge" she pointed to a bottle of vinegar next to her, "you can always have a shot of vinegar in return".

You looked at Yoongi, both of you looking slightly uncomfortable with the idea, but not exactly because you didn't want to. Yoongi was dying to bite your thighs, and you were dying to feel his lips against it, the problem was the situation. You didn't want him to kiss your inner thigh on a dare.

You sighed in defeat, hoping that would make everyone think you didn't want to do it. None, with the exception of Yoongi, believed it.

"You don't need to do it if you don't want to," Yoongi muttered, taking the bottle of vinegar, trying his hardest not to grimace.

"Wait!" You snatched the bottle out of his hands, tossing it to Taehyung, who had no problem catching it. "I absolutely refuse to let you drink that shit, Yoongi."

Everyone fell silent, staring at you. 

"Do you need me to spread my legs?" you looked at Yoongi, blushing heavily as you realised how bad that sounded, "Because of the challenge, obviously, it'll be a lot easier that way."

"Sure" he looked away from you, shaking his hair with his left hand.

You couldn't help but be even more embarrassed to see that Yoongi had also blushed at your answer. From now on you will keep your mouth shut until the game is over.

"Alright, stop making us wait, the night is long, but not forever" Soyeon shouted, laughing softly as she watched you and Yoongi move around rather awkwardly.

How was he supposed to kiss the inside of your thigh? Should you stand up? Lie down? Lean back a little?

In the end you opted for the last one. You waited until Yoongi was in front of you before you leaned back, supporting yourself with your forearms. You grimaced as you felt the small stones on the floor bury themselves into your skin.

"Are you really comfortable with this? I don't mind having a bit of that stuff." Yoongi grabbed your calf, lifting it just enough so that you could rest your heel on his shoulder.

You discreetly licked your lips as you felt your mouth suddenly go dry. Yoongi had no idea of the power he had over you, and that pleased you as much as it frightened you.

"It doesn't bother me, really, it's just a stupid challenge anyway". You nodded quickly, trying to let the gesture imply that you didn't really have a problem with the situation, because you really didn't.

"Good" you smiled as you watched his shoulders relax. He gently caressed your calf, bringing his mouth close to your leg.

For a second you completely forgot that you were in the pool of Jiah, one of your best friends, surrounded by all your other friends, who were pretty focused on your interaction. Everyone was sick of the tension between the two of you, seriously hoping that in this game one of you would take the next step.

He moved down until his nose brushed against the inside of your thigh. You felt a shiver run down your spine, and had to bite the inside of your lip to keep from gasping when Yoongi placed his lips against your skin. You mentally crossed your fingers, hoping he hadn't noticed the sudden spasm you felt from the touch of his lips on your leg.

It felt good. You wouldn't tell him.

"I thought you would never finish," laughed Jiwon, taking a sip of his beer, she shared a knowing look with Soyeon, but both you and Yoongi were too distracted to notice, "It's my turn to ask someone to do the next challenge, right?

Jungkook, her boyfriend, nodded fervently, grinning from ear to ear. He seriously thought the next challenge would be for him, and would involve something like what you and Yoongi just did.

Poor fool.

"Yoongi, stay there," her smile grew even bigger as Yoongi turned to see her with a slight frown, "I need you right there for my challenge," she muttered, drinking what little was left of her can and passing it to Jungkook. He was quick to take it and exchange it for a completely full one. She didn't finish speaking until Jungkook opened the new can for her. "Kiss his happy trail," she murmured, taking two straws and slipping them into the beer can.

"You want me to do what?" you looked at Jiwon, choking on your saliva. She definitely hadn't just asked you to do that.

"You heard me perfect, don't play dumb, I know you're not" she laughed mockingly, or maliciously, you weren't sure, both seemed like perfect words to you to describe the horrible way she had just teased you. 

You looked at Yoongi, noticing how he also seemed surprised, and quite embarrassed, by the challenge Jiwon had given you.

"You know, it's kind of like an eye for an eye, it's pretty much the same thing he did for you, I don't see what's so hard about it." She extended her beer to Jungkook's side, waiting for him to take some from one of the straws she'd put out earlier. You hated how quiet she looked, so comfortable with her bunny-faced boyfriend. You'd get your revenge for this.

"Fine," you grunted, glaring at Yoongi. You crawled on your knees until you were face to face with his abdomen. You regretted it almost immediately as you felt the stones scrape your knees. This was all Soyeon and Jiwon's fault. They were terrible friends. Awful. 

"Uhm, Noona, I..." muttered Yoongi, stumbling over the words.

You looked up, seeing his face. It was red, too red, from his cheeks to his neck and ears, his lower lip trembling slowly, as if he was trying to say something and his nerves wouldn't let him speak. There were no words to describe how cute you thought this boy was. 

"I'll make it quick, don't worry" you tried to smile at him, not wanting him to notice how nervous you were too. When was the last time you did this with a man? You didn't really remember. You tried to push the thought out of your head, pushing your hair aside. 

Yoongi for his part had no idea what to do. You were on your knees in front of him, wearing a bathing suit that showed off your figure too well, and you had just arranged your hair as if you were about to give him a blowjob. He really wanted you to give him one right now.

His whole body trembled as he felt your fluffy lips kiss his lower abdomen. They felt so good, so soft, so wet. He couldn't help but wonder if you were wearing that strawberry lip gloss you always carried in your handbag. He always wanted to taste your lips with that lip gloss on. He'd want to taste them with or without.

He clenched his hands at his sides as he felt your mouth barely brush against the elastic of his swim trunks, he wanted so badly to grab your hair and shove his cock in your mouth. It was a shame that there were 12 other people here watching. If it wasn't for that, he would have done it without a second thought.

"Ready" you muttered, sitting back down on the floor. You took a big breath of air as discreetly as you could. You were starting to get hot. "Easy, isn't it?" you smiled at Yoongi.

He smiled back at you, sitting down next to you, just like you were before Soyeon started with the odd challenges. "Easier impossible.”

It had been two hours since Soyeon and Jiwon had done their challenges. Everyone was much drunker than they were then, and as the rounds progressed the challenges had become more and more intense. Jungkook and Soomin had to separate Jimin and Soyeon at some point in the night.

It was now two forty-five in the morning. The vinegar bottle was still full, and none of you had any intention of emptying even a drop. Perhaps that was why Yoongi did not hesitate to accept the challenge Jungkook had given him a few seconds ago.

"I'm only supposed to kiss one?" he muttered, looking at Jungkook with dilated pupils and slightly flushed cheeks. You thought he looked really cute drunk.

"Unless you want to kiss both of her breasts, yeah, just one," he laughed teasingly, resting his chin on Jiwon's shoulder. They had gotten that way after Namjoon dared Jungkook to do a "private" dance for her.

"Fine," he nodded. The alcohol had given him all the courage he'd lacked the previous times.

You looked at him with drunken eyes, probably looking the same or worse than him. He didn't seem to care, so who cares?

He bent down to your height and grabbed the sides of your waist. You gasped as you felt his cold fingers brush against you.

"You're cold," you muttered, frowning at him. Your features trembled a little as you saw a mischievous smirk on his lips. 

"Sorry, I promise my lips aren't as cold... probably" he whispered against the skin of your breasts. You shivered slightly without being able to help it.

He followed the challenge just as Jungkook had said, he only kissed one, but you didn't expect him to kiss it in such a lascivious way. You even gasped as you felt his warm tongue brush against the cold skin of your breasts. You felt so embarrassed as you remembered that your friends were watching this.

"Ready" he murmured, watching as the skin he had kissed glowed in the moonlight. He felt so proud of himself.

"My turn," exclaimed Taehyung excitedly. You turned to look at him, grimacing as you saw how his gaze was fixed on you. You hated everyone in this room, everyone was participating in a conspiracy against you. "Y/N."

"Taehyung" you raised your eyebrows, staring at him. You were sure it wouldn't be that bad, it shouldn't be.

"I want you to touch Yoongi's dick," he gave you that shit-eating grin he only gave when he knew what he was asking you to do was a load of shit. 

You had to take a second to process what he just said.

"You want me to touch his cock?" you furrowed your brow in confusion, why was he asking you that?

He nodded with a big smile, "Under the bathing suit, if you do it on top you must drink half a shot."

"You're shit, you and everyone else," you pointed at them all, snorting, "except Soomin, Yoori and Hobi, you are too good for this world, and this group." 

"Wait, are you really going to do it?" Suddenly all the drunkenness went out of Yoongi. You were going to touch his member right at this moment, you had never done it before, not even in his wildest dreams (he never got to the foreplay part, his brain always skipped that part).

"I don't plan to drink vinegar, Yoongi" you looked at his crotch and then his face, "Or do you want me not to?".

"No, it’s okay, that must taste awful" he mumbled quickly, watching every move you made.

A lump formed in his throat as he watched your hand move closer to his lap.

"Okay" you moved a little closer, trying to get your hand past the waistband of the swimsuit. It was not lost on you how his abdomen tensed at the feel of your fingers.

Your hands were also terribly cold. He seriously tried not to let you notice how good it felt to feel your fingertips run delicately over his pelvis.

You tried not to look at his face as you lowered your hand. You felt too nervous to do this. You wanted to look on the bright side of the situation, maybe this would help you get along much better in the future. 

"Where-?" you interrupted yourself with a gasp, turning to look at Yoongi with your mouth open.

He too turned to look at you, just as red and surprised as you were.

"What? what happened?" Soomin, whose eyes Taehyung had covered so she couldn't see anything, spoke in confusion.

You wanted to answer her, you really did, but how the fuck were you telling her that you had just touched the biggest dick of your life? And that wasn't even erect, what did Yoongi eat to have a member like that?

"N-nothing" you mumbled, pulling your hand out carefully. Now you would never look at Yoongi the same way again. You definitely wouldn't think of him the same way. Neither of him nor of his member. "I'm going to go lie down, I'm a little tired" you excused yourself, getting up and walking as quietly as you could inside the house. You knew that if you were still there you would be given stronger challenges than you had already been given.

You walked to the guest room, one of the many in Jiah's house. You always stayed in the same one, you even had a change of clothes in the closet. You were very grateful for that right now.

As soon as you opened the door the sound of footsteps behind you made you stop. You turned to see who it was. You were a little surprised to see Yoongi standing a few steps further than you. 

"Noona" he mumbled, hesitating a bit on whether to move closer to you or not.

"Yes?" you cocked your head slightly, waiting for him to say whatever it was he wanted to say.

"Do you think we could talk? It'll be short, I promise."

"Sure" you smiled at him, hoping it really would be something short. You needed to tend to yourself soon. Your crotch was starting to ache.

He nodded his head by way of thanks, moving the remaining steps to stand next to you. It didn't take him long to enter the room you were going to stay in.

You closed the door once you were inside, you hated having the doors open. You stood watching him from there, you were quite confused, but you knew Yoongi wasn't one to ask to talk to someone for anything, so you waited patiently.

"I wanted to talk about what happened downstairs" he mumbled, sitting down on the edge of the bed you would be sleeping on today. 

"Did you feel very uncomfortable?" you grimaced, scratching your neck nervously, "I'm seriously sorry, I wasn't-".

"I want to continue," he interrupted you mid-sentence, glaring at you. You had to lean against the door to keep from falling.

"Continue?" you whispered, watching as he gave you that mean smile again that he had put on a few minutes ago. He stood up again, moving close enough for you to feel his breath collide with yours.

"Don't you want the same?" he moved to your shoulder, kissing the bare skin.

You closed your eyes instinctively, letting out a barely audible sigh. You brought your hands to his waist, grabbing his black shirt with white sheets. You crinkled the fabric between your fingers as the kisses on your neck began to get messier. It felt so good.

"You smell so good" he whispered next to your ear, his hands snaking around your waist until they reached the bottom of your bathing suit. He didn't hesitate to fiddle with them, making as if to reach under the fabric with his hands.

You growled under your breath. "I don't like being played with, Yoongi."

He chuckled softly in response, lowering his hands until he reached your thighs. You squealed as you felt him lift you off the floor and carry you in his arms to the bed.

"Good, then there will be no games," he said as he pulled his shirt off over his head.

You dropped your gaze almost instantly. You loved Yoongi's body so much. He wasn't thin to an extreme level, nor was he overly muscular. He had just enough and just enough, and that was what you found most attractive about him. That and his skin. 

You always thought his skin was perfect for marking or biting. It was so white and sensitive, so inviting. 

"Red looks so good on you" he murmured, taking your leg and lifting it. As soon as he was the right distance away he kissed your calf. His other hand took over caressing your other leg.

His kisses went up until they reached your inner thigh. Right at the point where it all started. Yoongi licked his lips, looking at your swimsuit. "May I?"

You nodded quickly, biting your inner lip as you watched him start to pull down the bottom of your swimsuit. You couldn't help but moan softly as you felt the cool air hit your core.

Yoongi paused for a moment, taking his time to observe your femininity. He was quite surprised by the fact that he wasn't doing anything yet and you were already wet. He ran his fingers around your entrance, gathering your juices and spreading them around your entrance.

You curved your back a little, closing your eyes tightly as you bit your tongue. You weren't the only ones in the house, you couldn't make a sound. 

You listened as he let out a mocking laugh. "Noona, are your moans usually loud? why are you covering your mouth? Most must know we're fucking in the guest room anyway, don't you think?" he moved his face closer to your entrance, smiling as he watched your pussy clench around nothing.

"Shut the fuck up and do something" you growled, grabbing hold of the first thing you could find. Well, actually you just used that as an excuse, you really wanted to grab onto his hair.

Yoongi shrugged his shoulders and listened to you. He stuck his face between your legs and, just as you asked him to, he put the horseplay aside and started fucking your pussy with his tongue.

The scream you gave had probably alerted everyone in the house to what was going on between the two of you. 

You covered your mouth as fast as you could, pulling with all your might on Yoongi's hair. You'd heard he knew how to use his tongue well, but you didn't think he'd be so good at this. The son of a bitch deserved a prize in honor of this.

Yoongi's tongue touched the exact spots that made your whole body tense and tremble at the same time. It was so overwhelming and addictive at the same time. You tried to lift your hips to feel him closer, but his hands held you in place with just enough strength not to cause you harm. 

"Yoongi" you gasped, closing your eyes tightly, "you’re so good at this."

He only answered you with a grunt that caused your whole body to stir in place. He liked being complimented by you much more than he thought he would, the fact that his cock got even harder just hearing you say how well he was doing it gave him an idea.

"Faster" you moaned, tugging on his hair. This was so much better than any one-night stand you'd had in the past.

You frowned as you felt his tongue flick out of your pussy. You thought you were going well, you were enjoying it, he seemed to have been enjoying it, or at least you felt that way with the way he had just eaten you.

"Why did you stop?" you murmured, watching him stand up straight as he wiped his chin covered by your games with his wrist.

You'd be lying if you said you didn't find it sexy.

"Spread your legs."

You nodded, still confused, but ready to accept whatever he was going to give you. Except you weren't as ready as you thought you were. 

He took off his bathing suit, leaving it somewhere in the bedroom. 

It was inevitable not to see it, I mean, how could you not see that thing? 

Yoongi laughed as he noticed that your eyes were fixed on his member. "Scared?" he said teasingly, kissing your collarbone.

"Oh, yeah?" you replied with obviousness, looking at him with raised eyebrows, "I really don't give a shit about boosting your ego, but man, that thing seems to have a life of its own, I'm surprised you're surprised I'm scared of it."

"I'm trying to be serious here" he laughed softly, lining up his member at your entrance.

"Yeah, I'm serious too, you know? Besides- Oh my god" you moaned, slapping Yoongi's back.

He thrust his member all at once inside you, did it hurt? A little, did you like it? Absolutely. You were more than sure that never, with any other man, had you ever felt so full. You could get used to this feeling.

Yoongi took both your legs, putting them around his waist. "I'm going to start moving, okay?".

You nodded barely, taking a deep breath. You wanted to keep all your concentration on not moaning as if your life depended on it. 

Yoongi, on the other hand, wanted to make you scream loud enough to let the whole neighborhood know you were fucking. Or at least that's what you thought he thought when he started ramming you roughly.

"Y-yoongi, wait" you gasped, clinging to his back. You'd probably leave some nasty scratches. "I-if you do it this hard I won't be able to..." you bit your tongue as you felt his tongue start to play with your nipples. He seriously wasn't going for teasing.

"Stop holding back" he murmured, pulling on your left nipple hard as his tongue and teeth tended to your right nipple. You hadn't even noticed that he had removed the top of your bathing suit. "I want to hear you moan my name, why don't you? Everyone here wanted us to end up like this anyway, I don't see what the problem is in letting them know I'm fucking you."

When he noticed that you were willing to keep quiet to maintain your dignity in front of your friends, Yoongi didn't hesitate to make his onslaught faster and harder, enough to make the bed move and the backrest hit the wall.

Whether you groaned or not, one of them would notice what was happening just by the sound of the bed.

You were going to kill Yoongi after this.

You let your head fall on the sheets of the guest bed. You hesitated a bit at first, but decided to listen to Yoongi, he was right anyway, it was your friends who wanted this to happen, now they couldn't complain.

As soon as you stopped holding your moans, Yoongi started to get even more out of control, as if that were possible. He grabbed your waist with one hand while with the other he continued to amuse himself with your breast, smiling as he noticed that they were big enough to not fit in his hands. 

You whimpered as he bit your nipple and pulled hard on it. You couldn't help but squirm under him. 

"Yoongi" you moaned in his ear, clinging to his back as if your life depended on it.

"Yes?" he murmured against your chest, starting to suck on it and leave little kisses around your nipples. 

"I... it's... I don't know if I can..." you growled under your breath as you realized you couldn't finish the sentence even if you wanted to. Every time you finished a word, Yoongi gave you an even harder thrust than the last.

He smiled, lifting his face to come face to face with you. "Are you close?" he whispered against your lips, lowering the hand he had on your waist to your femininity. It was only enough for him to touch your clitoris for your entire body to tremble and melt at his touch. "Don't worry, I got you."

You sighed, looking up at Yoongi. He was enchanted by the sight. He'd dreamed of this a lot before, but to have you under him with your breasts bouncing and glistening from sucking them earlier, to see you with that look that screamed out in leagues that you were having the best fuck ever, your pussy clenching his cock every time he tugged or sucked on your nipples. This definitely far surpassed your imagination.

"I'm going to-" you moaned loudly, closing your eyes tightly. Yoongi had rammed against your G-spot too hard, and you seriously regretted that. He wasn't going to let it go, you noticed as you saw his teasing gaze fix on yours.

Just as you thought, Yoongi kept hitting your sensitive spot, increasing the speed of his thumb on your clitoris. At this point you weren't even straining to close your mouth anymore, you were hesitant to even be able to do so. You felt Yoongi's cock start to twist inside you and smiled to yourself. You were glad you weren't the only one reaching her limit.

"Fuck, you're so beautiful" he growled in your ear, quickening the pace of his onslaught as his gasps and hoarse moans grew louder. "I waited so long to be able to fuck you, I dreamed of this so many times."

Yoongi gave a low moan as he felt you squeeze his cock too hard, "I-if you do that I won't be able to take much more" he murmured, brushing the sweaty hair off his forehead and looking up at you.

You laughed between gasps, hugging his neck, "It's okay, I got you" you smiled at him, repeating the same words he had given you earlier.

It only took those words and the sight of your smiling face to make Yoongi come inside you hard, pressing his hips with yours until absolutely all of his cum came out of his member.

You came soon after, moaning softly as you felt yourself finally reaching your long awaited release. 

You both stayed in each other's arms for a few minutes, waiting to come down from your euphoria.

"I think we're going to have to change the sheets" you laughed softly, stroking Yoongi's lower back.

He nodded in agreement, leaving a soft kiss on your collarbone. "I'll go get a towel to clean you up, wait here," he said softly, pressing a kiss to your lips. It was sweet and slow, and you liked it so much you came within an inch of begging him to stay and forget the stupid towel. You weren't able to.

Yoongi came out of you gently. You both groaned before the sensation. You were starting to miss the way his cock felt inside you. He grabbed his bathing suit and carefully put it on, leaving the room but not before you checked the hallway. He didn't want to open the door and have someone see you in that state.

He went downstairs and walked to the closet where he knew Jiah kept a couple of towels and sheets. He took the opportunity to pull out some clean ones.

"Yoongi, you're here" Soomin approached him. She was bringing two glasses of strawberry juice. He was still touched to see how she totally refused to drink alcohol at parties just so she could bring Taehyung home safe and sound. "I thought you wouldn't leave the room after all the fuss you made."

Yoongi felt his whole face light up beyond belief. He totally regretted asking you moaning out loud.

"Here," she extended one of the glasses in his direction. Still a little confused, he took the glass with his free hand, "She must have a bit of a dry throat, ask her to drink some," Soomin smiled kindly at him, taking her purse and pulling a pill out of it, "I don't think you want to have children at the beginning of your relationship."

He felt a tightness in his chest as he thought about what Soomin said. The beginning of a relationship... It sounded amazing to him.

"Thanks, I owe you one" he smiled back at her, hurrying up the stairs to come back to you. He smiled internally at the thought that this would be the first of many nights together.

Materlist.

[keruimi]

Can I request a fluff??? Kenma tutoring the reader since the reader is bad at studies?? And later they confess and all?? Thank you!!

Infatuation or Love?

Pairing: Kenma Kozume x Reader

Warnings: Fluff

Notes: I'm sorry if it took so long. I really know Kenma as an introvert so him agreeing on tutoring someone seems too impossible. But I thankfully manage, I just hope he is not that out of character. Hope you enjoy it!!

_____________________________

I sigh in relief after hearing the school bell and was ready to take my console out of my pocket when the teacher called for me.

I stay still from my seat thinking what will we talk about knowing I didn't even do anything wrong this week.

I decided to finally stand up and walk to her desk and saw she was checking something in her grading sheet so I just stood in front so we wouldn't invade each other's space.

But this is nerve wracking.

"Sensei?" I called out in a whisper to alarm her of my presence.

"Kenma, I'm sorry for what I'm about to request" she started as I bit my lip a little to distract myself.

"I know that you are really busy especially if you are a regular in the volleyball team" she started as I nod in understanding but still thinking where our conversation is heading.

"But I need you to tutor someone"

It felt like my brain stopped functioning on her words.

I hope, I wish, if you don't mind.

It seems like those words are not in her vocabulary.

Do I even have a choice in this?

"Sensei, don't we have other students for that?" I mustered up the courage to question her as I tightly grip on my gaming console.

I need time for myself too. Lev is already a heavy problem I'm trying to unload from my life.

"They have declined"

"Then why can't I?" I almost slap my hand on my mouth when it let out the words that shouldn't be stated.

"Well I thought you would agree since you and Y/n seem to be close compared to the other students I gave this request to"

My ears pick that one name.

"Y/n?"

"Yes Kenma" she answered.

"Game"

"Come again?" The teacher exclaims in puzzlement as I tried to supressed the growing blush on my cheeks.

That came out loud than what I intended.

"I mean I don't mind, Sensei" I murmur that lifted a small smile from the teacher in front of me.

"Alright then, here's her contacts. Both of you should talk about your schedules so you know when you will have tutor sessions"

She handed me a card before I bid my goodbyes and immediately went to the volleyball boy's changing room.

I peek inside and saw that everyone seems to be already in the gym so I changed to my practice clothes.

I took my phone and typed her number.

It took me a lot of courage to even send a greeting and need to double check my spelling so I won't look stupid.

I hope this is the 'Y/n' I knew well due to Kuroo's constant nagging.

I quickly turn off my phone when I click the send button and just started walking to the gym, trying to calm my heart down.

Kenma, this is not you.

I remind myself when I start to notice I'm getting work up in this set up.

"Kenma! You're late!" I heard Kuroo immediately as I took a deep breath because I can really feel my racing heart.

I am not even sure if it was really her.

"Hey you ok? You look lost?" Kuroo ask as he stop in front me so I just walk past him and just start warming up.

"You look red, did you run on your way here?"

"Shut up"

"I'm just asking! Who knows you might be experiencing heat stroke right now"

I just ignore his nagging and just let the time pass by but I can't deny that my mind was in the phone.

Silently yearning that she would message me back.

Just because of one tutor, I had the chance to spend time with her.

"Kenma right?" My ears perk up when I hear her soft voice amidst the crowded hallway of the school.

I glanced up from my gaming console and saw the girl I started to secretly admire out of nowhere.

I just know I liked her when my heartbeat went faster and felt my face turn warm.

This infatuation just decided to target me right now.

"You're the one I'm going to tutor, correct?" I ask in a whisper as she hums in agreement.

I started to walk towards the library and felt her follow me.

My nerves started to get more out of control from the silence between the two of us until we finally managed to take a seat in the school's library.

"Where do you want to start?" I decided to break the silence and hid my gaming console to focus but I can't deny how my hands tremble under the table.

I really don't like socialising.

I only agree because it was her. Seems like I screwed myself up.

But thinking of the bright side, I prefer here than the gym where I won't even have enough rest unlike here where I bask in the cool and calming surroundings of the library without anyone annoying me.

Extra credits because of her presence.

"Wherever you want to start with" she answered in a whisper and my heart seems to calm down.

Is she also shy?

I mean, I only see her in every match we play, except when it's outside of tokyo.

That's why she always catches my attention until it turns into infatuation.

Now I need to suffer with the quick heartbeats every time I hear her name.

I shook my head to remove the thoughts that keep distracting me as I put my bag down to the floor.

"Alright then, we'll start with the easiest"

I need to take the lead which I have never done my whole life but this is a girl I'm talking about.

A shy one to say the least so since I need to teach her, I need to take the lead no matter how much I hate it.

As long as it was her.

Yet those moments where I need to push myself out of the bubble, will be one of the memories I would be honor to remember.

Because our relationship started to progress until we finally become comfortable in each other's presence.

She became a part of my routine and in exchange of fighting against my anxiety, I get to know more about who she is.

The reason why her grades started to fail was because she was also a working student. She can't balance school requirements and her work.

But she is not that really hard to teach. I think I only need to repeat myself twice and she will understand the lesson we are tackling.

And right now, three weeks after this tutoring session, I'm starting to have the urge to just lean on her shoulder and rest because I'm really starting to get comfortable in her presence.

It feels like I don't even want this to end.

"Kenma, I finished it" I heard her beside me as I finished the round I started playing like 10 minutes ago as I stopped leaning on the chair to check the worksheet I gave her.

Is this still infatuation when I'm starting to put efforts for her own good?

I slid the paper in front of her as I leaned towards her so I can point out where she went wrong in the third equation.

"In this part, you need to use the exact value. The only thing you're going to estimate is the final answer. Alright?"

I heard her hum as I finally had the urge to look at her and saw her focus was already on me.

It felt like my world stopped at that moment.

I saw how her face started to turn a little red until a notification sound caught my attention that made me break our eye contact.

I immediately turned away my face from her to hide the obvious blush appearing on my cheeks.

I was really falling in love that time.

And the obvious glances as the time passed by started to get to me.

"Kenma?" I heard her call for my name after I finished a practice match that brought the focus of my teammates on me.

"Oh, you're here" I muttered before I permitted myself to leave while drying the sweat from my neck using my towel.

"What brought you here?"

I finally glanced at her and saw she was holding a small box. I also noticed her shifting her feet from time to time and I unknowingly smiled.

"Sensei said that my grades are already good. So you won't need to tutor me anymore"

She mumbled as I nod but I can't help the sadness I felt in my chest and I out my mouth in a firm line to avoid saying something I shouldn't.

"Is that so?" I lost my words as my mind blank knowing it might be our last before we become strangers again.

"Yes, so as a little gift for keeping up with me. I made you an apple pie"

"Apple pie?" She nod when I repeated her words before she handed me the pastry.

"I've heard from your teammates that Apple Pie is your favorite" I didn't fail to notice the small blush forming on her cheeks that really confirms to me that this feeling of mine is not one-sided.

"Thank you Y/n. It was nice being with you" I exclaimed as I took her gift from her.

"Would you mind prolonging our time more?" I suggested and she immediately lifted her head up in delight.

"Are you sure?" She asked as I nod.

I saw her clasping her hands together as she seems to think whether to let out the words she is thinking or just let it be.

"I like you, Y/n"

I admitted it first so it won't be more difficult for her and I saw how her eyes met mine.

"That's why I ask you if you would like to prolong our time longer" I can't prevent myself from lifting a small smile.

And out of nowhere, I felt her own body on mine as I raised the box so she won't crush it.

"I like you too, Kenma. I really do"

Can I still call this infatuation?

When I'm starting to fall in love

[pepperspraybabe-xo]

A rant about my recent weight gain ‼️

($H is briefly mentioned but I do NOT go into detail about it)

Okay. So I'm now the heaviest I've ever been. I weigh 173 lbs. I've been binging non-stop. I've had 4 cookies today and had even more yesterday. So I've almost had 1000 cals today and yesterday I'm sure I ate around 2500-3000 cals. I'm so tired of being overweight and sad all the time. And at this point I sound like a broken record player. I'm failing my classes. I need to get myself under control.

The app I use to track my cals and weight says that if I eat 1450 cals everyday I should lose about a pound a week, which sounds fucking psychotic! But I feel like I'm drowning. I'm gonna try to stick around 1300 cals a day. I wanna start working out on a regular basis, like going on jogs and stuff. And I wanna take care of my mind yk? I listened to relaxing sounds last night to fall asleep and I'm gonna listen to other audios.

I've been in a rut and I wanna get myself out of it. I relapsed in $H and I really don't wanna feel this way anymore. It's so tiring. I wanna wake up and feel alive. I fucking skipped school today. This shit is getting out of hand bro. And I'm just rambling now but holy fuck bro! I need to fix myself and my habits. I need to fix my body and my binging problem.

It's a psychological issue. My whole life I've associated food with happiness. But at some point it doesn't provide happiness anymore, it just fuels the depression (at least in my case). I just wanna feel good dude. That's all I want. I think I might talk to my mom about buying healthy snacks instead of cookies and chips. I'm surrounded by temptations and not healthy foods.

I'm so disappointed in myself. Prom is in a couple weeks, so I need to get in shape asap. I'm doing food logs every night. I'm gonna prove to myself that I can lose the weight that's been holding me back all my life.

Once I get my binging under control, then I can lower my cal intake. But for now I HAVE to break my bad habits.

If you somehow read all of my rant thank you 😭 lmfaoo

I really just needed to talk about it lol

[tis-the-marmot]

Just some of my thoughts on The Bad Batch finale or, well, The Bad Batch in general under the cut

You know, I can still vividly picture my old self back in 2020, awaiting Ahsoka's return when Season 7 of The Clone Wars had just been released. Then I began watching, and The Bad Batch made their very first appearance. I was like "who the hell are these soldiers, I couldn't care less about their arc. where's Ahsoka. Oh is she coming later? Fine, I guess I can put up with these clones for a few more episodes."

And as I kept watching I could feel myself gradually warming up to them. "Hm. I guess they're not so bad after all. The sniper is kinda cool. And they all have their interesting little dynamics with each other. Echo's back yippiee!! And he's joining the Bad Batch, good for him, good for him."

Still, that wasn't enough to shake my initial indifference, and I quickly went back to wanting them gone. "Okay seriously you guys have stolen too much screentime, I'm ready to see Ahsoka kick Maul's ass now, so byeee"

Who. Would've. Known. Who would've thought I was talking about the same clone squad that would reduce me to a crying mess four years later.

Would 2020 Marmot believe present-day Marmot if I told her that snarky sniper would become one of her favourite Star Wars characters? Would she nod along with uncertainty if I advised her not to get too attached to that guy with the goggles, only for her to grow fond of him anyway?

Would she laugh in my face if I counted all the occasions she would've rewatched those four TCW episodes in the future - the same ones she couldn't wait to get over with the first time - just to recall the simpler days of Clone Force 99?

How would she react if I described her excitement when they first announced that The Bad Batch was going to have its own show, and her absurd feeling of emptiness now that everything's over after three seasons?

I really wish I could delve into a deeper analysis of the last episode and comment on everything that happened, I'd really love to. But I just can't. Not while I'm still trying to process the fact that this series has officially ended.

And what a bittersweet ending to an equally bittersweet story. I've always recognised The Bad Batch for what it is, with all of its strengths and flaws, and I admit there are some narrative choices I still don't fully agree with. But despite everything this show means the world to me. The characters mean the world to me. I've seen Omega grow, change her brothers for the better and let herself be changed by them as well. I've seen how the presence, or rather the absence of certain Bad Batch members affected and shaped the rest of the squad. I laughed with them, cried with them, got frustrated alongside them and sometimes WITH them too. I will forever treasure every single moment I spent with the Bad Batch in mind, from the anticipation and the cryptic tweets the day before every airing, to reading all the different theories and admiring the fanart right after finishing the episode of the week.

Saying goodbye is unbelievably difficult, but I'm so, so grateful for the experience. The Bad Batch will always hold a special place in my heart. A heartfelt thank you to everyone involved in creating this wonderful show, and to the fellow fans who shared this unforgettable journey with me from beginning to end. ❤️🖤

[maliayukimura]

But Daddy I Love Him is so omegaverse Steddie coded.

Like high society omega Steve Harrington falling for "trailer trash" alpha Eddie Munson and the absolute scandal they cause when Steve picks Eddie and their love over all the wealth and status he could have had if he gone with the alpha his parents picked for him instead.