#don't worry he's got his own baggage to deal with (;

[profounddefendorcrusade-blog]

I feel bad for Starlo. (pt. 9)

Star's the Papyrus (both are idealistic & seen as naive) of this game (Martlet is another possible parallel), even though he's got similarities with Undyne too. No matter how broken Ceroba seemed he asked himself WHY she did what she did and I think that's SUPER important.

Ceroba didn't do this. Her first instinct was to be harsh (after being harsh with him even BEFORE he attacked Clover):

called his personality "damaged" before this scene

... you never asked yourself WHY he did the whole sheriff act.

.... you never asked WHY he didn't want to grow up. If it was a coping mechanism, if he wanted to help his community in a way he couldn't as a farmer? It was never on her mind.

Yes he has baggage but he's dealing with it all while uplifting others, Ceroba has baggage but is well taken care of by Star and at least has him, he has no one but himself and his optimism to pull him out of negative feelings, and still gets insulted.

Yeah Ceroba's been through stuff but apparently it's been some time since Chujin passed and Kanako fell down, she should have at least started to support Star emotionally like he's been supporting her (sure, he did so with distractions, but as he said "aren't distractions what's best for all of that?" He did his best). Problem is she DIDN'T realise he was ever struggling with self worth and only assumed he was goofing off. Either that or she did nothing about it aka was too occupied with her own problems (which are valid but still... she should have tried at least a little) Cer's character flaw is being too stubborn and devoted to Chujin. She trusted him blindly and wholeheartedly. Everything else came in 2nd place. This is clear as day.

It hurts knowing Ceroba could never respect Starlo the way she still does her husband. Not saying she shouldn't admire Chujin, but the way she sees Star as a goofy manchild whose lifelong passion can go "too far," the way she sees all this Wild East stuff as him "just having fun," the way she thinks that only someone whose brain isn't developed would ever consider dating him just... ticks me off, tbh. That's why I think the guy needs someone who will be gentle and patient with him, even if that other person is going through tough times.

She DID call Starlo the best sheriff she's ever known (honestly the only sweet moment between them in pacifist, but it is very brief, especially in neutral where he just gets cut off; also I hope she was being genuine here) and said how everyone adored him (but hated his persona, which I've already covered: basically they either hated 'North Star' as a whole, which I hope isn't true, or just how excited he was to meet Clover, which makes no sense to me; already covered it as well)

Bonus: Dina didn't know who Star really was or what he looked like, not before the end credits rolled (when he shows up as himself & she's also seen there; makes sense that he finally came clean to her):

So he's literally been playing this role 24/7, ever since she became the bartender; ever since this town started to exist. It's impressive how he could keep up an act AND use this fake accent for so long

Bonus #2: Star was SUPER worried about Clover's safety; that's what REALLY upset him (he cares about that child sm). THAT's what drove him off the edge (unless he naturally has a temper, i don't think this is it tho). Either way, he was way more patient w Ceroba than I think most would have been in that situation. Sure he snapped a few times, but there was a good reason to. He still TRIED to reason with her. Why did he attack? Worried for Martlet & Clover. I honestly think Star's the type to only get super angry if someone he loves is in danger (minus the stuff that happened which led him to cracking)

[crabsnpersimmons]

just wanted to say thank you for all the LOVE for Clip! he's happy to be here!

Clip is hella competitive 😅

and here are some doodles inspired by some of your comments and tags!

@nowiknowthislooksbad @normal-about-the-dca

he's having fun (: (the kind of fun i would hate because i don't like the sound of balloons popping..)

@vacantfields @petrixmuserb

i like to think the hair salon does these kinds of things for charity often. would you be in line? what would you pick?

@ramblingsofacotlfangirl @salamansir

oh dear..

@bennydunbar

loved this tag so i HAD to draw something for it--

oop well okay! i think that's enough for today! thanks again!

[respectthepetty]

For me - I really hope Yuan is super super petty in the upcoming episodes because……from his point of view, surely it feels like Quan cut him out of his life SO EASILY. I would be all “ I suffered for 4 years while I was away and what did you do?!”

I know Yuan will be grown up and all understanding and what ever - but I think everything Quan is GOING to say about his friend and his sister will be affirmation enough about their “brother bond”

I also neeeeeed San Ping to eat his own words because……boy, how is what you have with Lilli different? Every excuse you’re about to give - no wonder Yuan is in the back with his popcorn!

It’s been so long since I’ve watched a show that I have WANTED the ness, the angst and the pain!!!

I am sorry to disappoint you but I have NOT been paying attention to colours, so you have really been helping me through this one!

Anon, I can't believe I, the pettiest person, am about to write this:

I want Yuan to be better than me.

I want him to be petty for five seconds, then I need him to be nice to Qian.

Normally, I'd be advocating for the main character to make his love interest suffer, but unlike all these other BL boys who make dumb decisions and force a separation from their loved one that doesn't make sense, Qian makes sense.

Qian was abused as a child by his mother. Physically (and sexually).

Qian put his life on the line for his siblings because he fully considers them to be his siblings.

Qian was at a work event when Yuan confessed.

Qian sees himself as a parental figure, so if Yuan has feelings for him, what did Qian do to evoke those feelings form Yuan? He was worried about Lili wearing a red shirt and going out, so what is Qian's internal conflict now that Yuan forced a kiss on him? Is he somehow his mother? Someone who was supposed to care for him yet abused him.

Even if Qian could see Yuan as something other than a brother, Yuan has endless possibilities at his feet. Qian specifically stated he didn't want Yuan running home to take care of him because Qian knows Yuan has a future . . . if he isn't always taking care of Qian.

And even if Qian could see a future with them, Yuan was drunk, at his job, during an important event. This is the thinnest argument because we know Yuan was sick and upset, but Qian is stoic and compartmentalizes, so Yuan's emotional outburst, like that, about that, THERE?! I don't carry Qian's baggage, yet I would have been so much worse to Yuan.

So how does a man with that level of trauma deal with any of this? He cares. That's obvious. But how much can he care and in what ways? Someone else already wrote about Qian having NO romantic partners or even shown to have romantic interest. Does a movie star count? No. It's safe. It's distant. He doesn't have to do anything.

He hugs the toilet more than he hugs Lili.

He made it clear to San Pang that Yuan was hugging him in bed not the other way around.

And yet Qian's immediate reaction to knowing Yuan was in front of him was to touch him.

And yet after getting the shit beat out of him, Qian comforted Yuan.

I live for petty ass shit. It's my breakfast, lunch, and dinner, plus midnight snack. But it would hurt my heart if Yuan carried on his petty shenanigans to the point that Qian doubted Yuan's love or the feelings he has begun to develop in Yuan's absence.

Qian needed time, and he got it. Now, Qian needs to know that whatever he is beginning to feel isn't wrong.

Yuan can be petty to San Pang all day every day because San Pang can handle it. He has two loving parents who have rental properties. He has a girlfriend who is a hardworking model. He has a swing in his office.

But Qian?

He only had his brother and his sister.

And, somehow, with that confession, they are both gone.

[ranchthoughts]

The Mundanity of Meanness

@waitmyturtles' posts over the last few episodes of Only Friends (1, 2) have got me thinking.

There's so much casual cruelty among the friend group of Boston, Cheum, Mew, and Ray - all the little pointed comments or assumptions that always jump to the worst faith/most uncharitable conclusion. Mew's birthday at the bar was ripe with them - Cheum happily saying everyone has a lover, even "a heartless slut like Boston," while Ray is sitting right there; Mew assuming Ray was in the bathroom to get high, then lecturing him and saying he won't live past 30, etc. - but we've seen it throughout the show. Remarking to the professor that Boston won't do anything, as expected... not worrying about how Ray got home or why he isn't answering his calls because he is probably drunk... and so on. In their interactions with each other they've come to tolerate, to expect, meanness and toxicity.

The newcomers to the friend group aren't exempt either - look at what Sand puts up with from Ray, or what Nick puts up with from Boston. I thought it was interesting that the most sincere and heartfelt apology in episode 7 was from Sand to Nick - Sand really seemed to grasp how his comments and actions hurt Nick, even if he doesn't agree with his life choices. It puts into perspective the behaviour of the core four's friend group, where the apologies last episode were mostly insincere or forced in some way. Sand and Nick seem to have lived a life with less of this mundane meanness around, compared to the friend group - they aren't used to treating each other poorly.

The moment that really caught my attention this episode was Boston at the pool fight scene saying "It was unintentional" when pushed to apologize to Mew for sleeping with Top. Mew is pissed ("Unintentional, my ass"), but I think in a lot of ways it was! Boston wanted to sleep with Top. He did. End of story. Obviously, Boston also has his superiority complex about Mew and they have their ideological war around sex going on, and sleeping with Mew's boyfriend does contribute to Boston "winning" in those areas, but Boston also just doesn't think of consequences, he doesn't think about other people. That's what this friend group is all about: YOLO and living in the moment, being self-absorbed.

However, even if the results of their actions were "unintentional," that doesn't absolve Boston or any of the other characters from the hurt they cause. Impact vs. intention. Boston might not have intended to get Mew SO upset at his sleeping with Top (Boston has a different mindset than Mew around sex and exclusivity), Mew might not have intended to drum up Top's fire trauma when he burned the sketch, Ray might not intend to wound Sand with every comment about his lifestyle, but they need to realize/learn that other people are coming at things with their own baggage and through their own lenses and that they need take accountability for their actions and words, even if they themselves don't see harm in them. What might not be a big deal to them might be a big deal to someone else.

The final point I've been musing on is at the simple, everyday, mundanity of all this. Often as fans we've been looking for connections, for forethought and calculation in the actions of the characters, and there is nothing wrong with that. However, I think its important to acknowledge that real harm can come too from unintentional or unthinking actions or comments. It doesn't always have to be a carefully thought out evil plan or a targeted attack. Sometimes people just do what's best for them and don't think about how others would conceive of or react to their actions... especially young people and especially self-absorbed wealthy young people.

[sometimes-men-need-help-too]

So usually, I will discuss posts from reddit and provide screenshots but today I just wanna discuss the post itself. Most of the commenters are calling her out anyway

I'm reusing this throwaway to again avoid connection to my main.

I (38F) have been dating my current boyfriend (36M) for about 2 years now. It's very difficult for me to make long term commitments like this because of issues I've had growing up and with past relationships - however we've been making things work despite my baggage for the most part.

We hit a roadblock in our relationship a week and a half ago. My bf has his own familial baggage: to sum up without going into the nitty gritty his biological mom left him when he was young. They reunited half a year or so ago - and I guess things went ok there? A little bit over a week ago she passed away, and surprisingly he's taken it way harder than I expected. This is the first time I've seen him cry - and to be honest I hate it. I've done my fair share of crying over my years but I've grown past that phase and in the present I'm not sure I enjoy having that energy around.

Things got worse when he found out his bio mom's family would not let him attend her funeral. Because of this, he hasn't worked since to "take his own time to mourn". I've tried to talk to him about it as I don't get why he's exahausting so much effort to mourn someone who has barely been in his life. He's gotten angry with my reaction but he does know I'm not fit to deal with what he's doing at the moment because of my own experiences.

Now that it's been over a week I've grown both worried and annoyed about the situation. I had a sit down with him and another friend two nights ago to talk to him. I'm not one to hold back so I outright told him to just get over the whole thing already and how it isn't normal to react this much to someone who had wronged him so much. Our mutual friend wasn't expecting that - and to be precise she completely failed to mediate the talk from then on.

Some time into our fight he started crying - yet again. I was really uncomfortable and I outright demanded he stop. He had to be removed from our home. He's been staying with our friend since then and I've been really confused on how to approach further. Our friend has told me I was being harsh but again he knows how I am and how I deal with negative emotions. Still talking with her further has gotten me thinking about how I handeled things.

Edit - clarifying things.

This isn't about my bf's masculinity. The way he's acting triggers something in me. It brings me back to a dark place - that's the negativity I can't be around.

My boyfriend has been my emotional rock for most of our relationship - this sudden shift in his attitude is also contributed to my reaction to the whole ordeal.

I'm not heartless, as I said I have a very rough way of displaying my emotions. Genuinely I feel concern about how my boyfriend is acting.

This is so messed up

First of all, she had no business judging him for crying. If it truly brings her to a dark place(/her not being fit to deal with it) then she needs to get herself some help (and I'm not saying that to be snarky) instead of being in a relationship. You can't be in a relationship with someone, having them be there for you (in this case, emotionally) but you can't be there for them. It isn't fair at all. He can't just be her emotional rock while she doesn't do anything in return.

She also has no business judging him for why he's mourning. He's obviously torn up about it. Maybe he's mourning for the relationship he didn't get to have. Maybe they planned on further patching things up. Whatever it is, she has no right to act like he shouldn't be grieving, especially when she knows he isn't even allowed to attend the funeral.

And then for her to become annoyed--not cool, not okay. How do you just tell someone, a week after their loved one passed, to get over it? How? You don't just suddenly become okay again after a little bit of time passes by. Grief is hard and can be overwhelming. It's harder if you're in a situation like this with an unsupportive S/O.

The kicker is that she demanded him to stop crying and kicked him out. That is abhorrent.

[allmoshnobrain]

𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

part 22 of ? | masterpost

word count: 3319 | ao3 link | fic's playlist

All the hugs, the laughter, the comfort, the advice. The way his blue eyes were always locked onto mine. Maybe I should've caught on sooner. It's not like it was some big secret, especially since Dave got the boot from the band. But somehow, I clung to the hope that I was wrong. That the bond between us was stronger than any attraction he might have. That he wouldn't risk doing something that could change it forever. Something irreversible.  Something like a kiss.

✦ summary: An unexpected action by James confuses Nore's feelings and changes their friendship beyond repair.

✦ on this chapter: dave mustaine x female!oc, james hetfield x female! oc, oc is cliff's cousin, +18, language, slice of life, angst, love triangle, drinking, smoking, recreational drug use, kissing

✦ a/n: I'm back earlier this time! This part was a lot easier to write because I confess it has been living rent free in my head for a while lol Hope you guys like it, feedbacks are welcome and motivate me a lot!

✧ Don't wanna touch you, but you're under my skin / I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison ✧

The trip back to Los Angeles was pretty quiet as I got lost in my own thoughts. Still trying to wrap my head around my mom's offer and all the baggage it brought, my mind was racing, keeping pace with the dark night scenery outside the window.

"You're awfully quiet," Dave remarked, jolting me back to reality. I glanced at him; he was focused on the road, but looked a bit bothered by my silence.

"My bad," I murmured. "It's just... a lot to take in at once."

"No need to apologize," he said, a small smile playing on his lips. He casually took one hand off the wheel, placing it on my thigh, his thumb tracing gentle circles on my skin. I rested my hand on his, leaning back into the seat. He furrowed his brow, the usual sign of concentration, and his hand left mine to shift gears; I smiled faintly, appreciating how good he looked when he was focused. "How are you doing?"

"Me?" I questioned, and he nodded with a grunt. I sighed. "I guess I'm okay. My family is complicated, but it's nothing I'm not used to."

"Your dad seemed nice," he smiled, stealing a quick glance at me. I chuckled softly.

"Yeah, he's... easier to deal with. Now, my mom..."

"She's... interesting," he commented, and I laughed softly, catching on that he was being polite. We were almost home now; Dave stopped the car at a red light and turned to face me, gazing into my eyes.

"She's a pain in the ass, that's what she is," I said, and he burst into laughter. "Always acting like she's better than everyone. She always... always makes me feel like I'm hard to love," I concluded with a sigh.

"Hey," he lifted my chin with his fingers, making me meet his serious and focused gaze. I felt my face warm as he leaned in, planting a gentle kiss on my lips before pulling away. He whispered into my ear, "That's not true... It's very easy to love you."

The rest of September passed by like a hurricane. A few days after visiting my parents, we threw a small birthday party for Dave with our closest LA friends. To spice things up, there was a mini jam session where Dave, David, and a couple of other friends belted out some fresh tunes they'd cooked up. They had no vocalist yet, but I was blown away by the raw power and intensity of Dave's new compositions anyway. When he strummed those chords, it felt like a surge of electricity took over the whole place. Everything about him cranked up a notch; it was downright impossible to peel my eyes away, even for a second.

October rolled in, and with the streets all decked out for Halloween, I received an invite that temporarily shoved aside my worries about my mom's deal. Leanne's birthday was just around the corner, and she was throwing a bash for the upcoming weekend at Joe's place. Word was it would be a wild one. I hit up San Francisco on Saturday morning, thinking I was kinda early, but his place was already buzzing with people, tunes, and drinks.

"Nore! You made it!" Leanne beamed when she spotted me.

"Hey, Lea. Happy birthday." I grinned, handing over the gift I brought—some records from bands I knew she liked.

"Oh, you brought me a present, thank you!" she squealed, hugging me. I chuckled, giving her a squeeze back. She pulled away with a grin. "Hey, Cliff and the others are by the pool. I'm heading there soon, but if you wanna roll in before..."

"Oh, I'll track 'em down. Got a spot to stash this?" I pointed to the backpack on my back and the helmet from my bike.

I cruised to the backyard after Lea helped me stash my gear in Joe's room. Didn't have to play detective to find my friends; Cliff, Lars, James, and Kirk were deep in conversation by the pool, dead set on pouring vodka from a bottle into little plastic shot cups.

"Hey, that's not fair!" Lars yelped as I strolled up. "James, you snagged way more than the rest of us."

"Why don’t you pour it yourself, then?" James shot him a look, lifting an eyebrow. I grinned.

"Can't believe you dudes didn't save a drop for me," I teased, making them all look up at once.

"Nore!" Lars shouted, all pumped. I threw out a quick hi to the guys before zeroing in on Cliff.

"So, did Dave give you the green light to be here?" he quipped with a smirk. I huffed, rolling my eyes.

"He doesn't need to give me the green light for anything, Cliff," I muttered, and he chuckled before yanking me into a hug.

"Good to see you, Nore. Hey, what's that there?" Cliff pointed to the bag hanging from my arm.

"Oh, about that... Can I chat with you for a sec?" I asked in a hushed tone. Cliff raised an eyebrow, looking intrigued, but gave a nod. We strolled away, finding a quieter spot in the backyard. He pulled a pack of cigarettes from his pocket, expertly fishing out a joint and lighting it, shielding the flame from the gentle morning breeze with his hands.

"So, spill. What's the scoop?" he asked, and I sighed before handing him the bag. He opened it, furrowing his brow at the sight of the Metallica record. "Wow. Is the album this bad?"

"It’s awesome ," I said, then sighed. "But... Cliff, Dave got really bent out of shape when he saw this. I just figured... maybe you could hold onto the record for me for a bit. I don't want him getting worked up about it..."

"Nore. This isn't right," Cliff stated, his voice firm. I lifted my eyes, locking onto his gaze, and could tell he wasn't very happy with what I'd just said. "You can't do this. You're giving up on living because of him. First, you move to be with him, and we hardly see each other anymore. Now this?"

"You don't get it, Cliff. Please," I pleaded. "I don't want to fight. Not with you guys, not with him."

"Is he giving you grief because of us?" Cliff raised an eyebrow. I sighed, dropping my gaze, but didn't say anything. "Nore." Cliff held my chin, forcing me to meet his eyes. "I can hang onto this for you if you really want. But you gotta tell me you know he's not your responsibility."

"Cliff..."

"Remember what I said when you two started dating?" he cut me off. "If he messes with you, I got your back. Cool?"

"Okay," I murmured, giving a small smile. "Thanks."

"Anything for my fave cousin," he grinned, and I chuckled softly. "Come on, let's get back to the shindig."

Back in the mix with Kirk, Lars, and James, we found the vodka bottle now half-gone, abandoned at James' feet while they all helped themselves to some beers.

"I'm gonna stash this and track down Lea. Back in a sec," Cliff announced, waving the bag with my record. I gave a nod, turning my focus back to the guys.

"Hey, Nore!" James hollered, a grin spreading across his face the moment he spotted me. "There's no way you're sober. You used to be a champ at this drinking thing."

"James, it's ten in the morning," I laughed, and he scoffed, passing the beer he had to Lars and grabbing the vodka bottle from the ground. He popped it open, strolling over and throwing a hand on my shoulder with a grin.

"Don't tell me you're thinking of laying off the booze."

"Of course not," I shot back, raising an eyebrow challengingly. He, along with Lars and Kirk, burst into laughter.

"You gotta taste this vodka. Lars swiped it straight from his old man's stash," Kirk chimed in.

"Yeah, it's awful," Lars laughed, then hiccupped. I rolled my eyes with a smile. I knew my friends turned into total goofballs when they hit the bottle, but watching it unfold while I was stone-cold sober was a whole different trip.

"Come on, open up," James slurred, his words dragging, gripping my chin in his hand.

"James!" I exclaimed, caught off guard, releasing a nervous laugh as I tried to back away. James grumbled, his hand sliding from my chin to rest at the base of my neck, the rough palm pressing against my collarbone. I could feel my skin heating up, my face suddenly flushing. "What happened to the shot glasses?"

"We polished off the drinks and chucked 'em. Come on, you want this or not? Open up."

I scoffed but played along, letting him pour a bit of vodka straight into my mouth. James grinned, his gaze fixed on my lips as I swallowed. He swiped away a droplet that had slid down to my chin with his finger.

"Good girl," he teased, a mischievous smile on his lips as he locked eyes with me. "See? Wasn't that hard."

"Shut up, Hetfield," I shot back, giving him a playful shove, my face heating up even more. He huffed, made a face at me, then strolled off toward the drink coolers without a backward glance.

"Hey! That's my vodka!" Lars protested angrily, before trailing after James. "Get back here, damn it, I haven't finished drinking!"

I watched them go, an uneasy feeling creeping into the depths of my chest. Why did it suddenly feel like maybe I shouldn't have shown up? These were my friends, right? So why did everything seem more complicated than it should be?

"They get really happy when you’re here," Kirk observed. I blinked, surprised by his words. He shot me a smile, but his eyes seemed intrigued.

"What do you mean?" I asked, and he shrugged.

"Just that you can tell they really like you."

I ended up talking to Kirk for a few minutes, both of us getting a good laugh watching Lars and James from a distance. Lars was on a mission to reclaim his vodka bottle, while James danced around him with ease. Kirk turned out to be a really cool guy; laid-back and easy to chat with. Eventually, Cliff and Leanne joined us, hauling in a crate of beers that we gladly shared among the four of us.

When the beer stash ran dry, I volunteered to restock. I cruised to the kitchen, where I found James slouched at the table, his head buried in his arms, the vodka bottle now empty and cast aside at his feet.

"Ah, there you are," he mumbled, his voice slurred, and his eyes a bit blurry as he caught sight of me.

"Are you okay?" I questioned, a tad concerned by his condition. He shrugged. "Do you want some water?"

He grumbled, and I interpreted it as a "yes." Scouting around the cabinets, I found a glass and filled it with water. James promptly downed it, grimacing, his eyes blinking and honing in on my face.

"And you? Don't you need a bit of water too?"

"I'm fine," I furrowed my brow, even though I felt a bit lightheaded from the amount of beer I'd drank. "I just came to snag more beer for us. You should join. By the way, where's Lars?"

"In the bathroom," James grumbled, then he hoisted himself up, clutching the back of the chair for balance. I placed a hand on his back, trying to assist. He scowled. "You said you came to get more beer?"

"Yeah, any idea where it is?"

He pointed to the corner of the kitchen, where some cases of beer were stacked near the stove. I grabbed one of the packs, tossing it onto the table. James nabbed one of the beers, popping it open.

"James, maybe you should take a breather," I suggested, and he snorted.

"Why?" he asked, staring at me with a furrowed brow, his blue eyes defiant. "I've been waiting for weeks to see you, and now that you're here, you don't even want to be near me. At least drinking makes it a little more fun for me."

I blinked, my mouth opening in surprise as I tried to process what James had just said. It's not like I was angry, annoyed or avoiding James at all, but the worry about Dave and my parents reappearing in my life made it a bit harder to enjoy myself this time. However, for James to think that had anything to do with him? That wasn't right.

"This has nothing to do with you," I uttered in a low voice. He approached, his brow furrowed, placing the open beer on the table. "I don't want you to think..."

"Think what? That you're done being my friend?" he took another step closer, and I backed up, hitting the cold wall. He rested one hand on the wall, leaning down so his face was at the same level as mine. My heart squeezed seeing the anguish in his eyes. "Since you moved to Los Angeles, we hardly see each other anymore. You not into me anymore?"

"Don't say that," I whispered, my voice trembling, my eyes filling with tears hearing the bitterness in his voice. As complicated as things were, the last thing I wanted was for my friends to think I didn't want to be with them. "James, this isn't fair..."

And then he kissed me. 

Maybe I should have seen it coming. Perhaps I should've picked up on the closeness and tension that had been steadily building between us since the day he first laid eyes on me. All the hugs, the laughter, the comfort, the advice. The way his blue eyes were always locked onto mine. Maybe I should've caught on sooner. It's not like it was some big secret, especially since Dave got the boot from the band. But somehow, I clung to the hope that I was wrong. That the bond between us was stronger than any attraction he might have. That he wouldn't risk doing something that could change it forever. Something irreversible. 

Something like a kiss.

Instead, there he was, his body pinning mine against the wall, his hands cradling my face, his lips moving against mine with a desperate hunger I never thought I'd find in his arms. For a moment, all I could feel was him —his scent, his body, his kiss. But my blissful confusion lasted no more than a few seconds before it was replaced by panic: this wasn't right. This shouldn't be happening. We were friends. I had a boyfriend.

I shoved my hands against his chest, giving him a solid push. He pulled back abruptly, his blue eyes showing a hint of sobriety as he took in my state—my face all red, breath coming quick as my heart raced, and my stomach filled with a million butterflies. For a beat, it was just us, his eyes glued to mine in a mix of confusion and ecstasy, before anger started bubbling up in my chest, ready to explode. I shook my head, in disbelief, and stormed out of the kitchen in a burst of rage that seemed to leave him bewildered.

I sprinted past Cliff, Leanne, and Kirk, barely registering the surprised looks they shot my way as I bolted to the front of the house. I plopped down on the curb, my breath coming quick, almost in a state of panic as I desperately searched my pockets for my pack of cigarettes and lighter. When I finally found them, it was useless; my hands were shaking so much, my breath all over the place as I tried to hold back tears, that I just couldn't light my cigarette.

"Nore? Shit, what happened?" I heard Cliff ask. I looked up to see that he had followed me and was standing beside me, staring at me with a confused expression on his face.

"Cliff..." I began, my voice shaking. He settled beside me, taking my hand in his, gripping it firmly while his eyes scanned my face, genuine concern etched on his features. "Cliff, James..."

"Did you guys have a fight?" he asked, furrowing his brow. I sniffled, shaking my head.

"Cliff, he kissed me," I murmured, suddenly feeling like I was 15 again, talking to Cliff on the phone about some boy from school who had broken my heart. His eyes widened at my words, his incredulous expression slowly being replaced by one of anger.

"And why are you crying like this? Did he force you? I'll beat the crap out of him..." he growled, letting go of my hand and starting to stand up.

"Cliff, no!" I exclaimed, tugging him by the hand. He looked at me, confused. "He didn't force me. It just happened out of nowhere. I just... Cliff, I have Dave. I never thought James..."

"You didn't know he liked you? Nore, that was kind of obvious," he interrupted, and I groaned in frustration.

"It's not that! Cliff, I don't know what I'm going to do. I don't want him to think... I just wanted to be friends with him. Why do things have to be so complicated?" I asked, my eyes filling with tears again. Cliff stared at me for a moment before sitting back down beside me with a sigh. He pulled me close into a hug, and I rested my head on his shoulder.

"First, let's go back to the party, and I'll get you some water, okay? We can talk to James later if we need to. But knowing him... If you left like that, I doubt he'll want to talk about it."

Cliff was more right than I thought; when we got back to the party, James was nowhere to be found. I tried to cheer up, especially for Leanne and Cliff, but it was useless. I spent the rest of the day worried about James, wondering where he might be, and if I had hurt him beyond repair.

When the party wrapped up, Cliff, Leanne, and I hopped into a taxi to Leanne's house. I had left my motorcycle in Joe's garage and planned to swing by the next day to grab it before heading back to Los Angeles. I tried to perk up as Leanne and Cliff enthusiastically decided what to order for dinner, but not even a hot shower was enough to lift my spirits; I was more intoxicated than I wanted, concerned about my friend, and trying to ignore how the feeling of his lips on mine kept replaying in my head every five minutes, which basically made me want to die.

"You don't need to worry about him. He'll show up," Cliff assured me later, after we had finished off the pizza Lea had ordered for dinner. The news was playing on the TV, and I could hear the water running in the bathroom as Lea took a shower, but I wasn't really paying attention to any of those things. "I mean, he could already be home... I tried calling, but I think Lars and Kirk must have passed out as soon as they got there."

"What am I gonna do, Cliff?" I asked, softly. I was totally lost. Now that all the lines in my friendship with James had blown up in my face, I didn't know what to do — and I didn’t want to deal with any of it. There was already too much on my mind. But I couldn't just pretend it didn't happen, either.

Cliff didn't say anything; in fact, I don't think he knew what to say. Instead, he grabbed my hand and pulled me in for a tight hug. I sighed, shutting my eyes, trying to soak up that brief moment of calm. Wishing it could magically wipe away the ache in my heart — even though I knew it couldn't.

[avelera]

Matters of Status: Ed sees Stede as his equal, Stede sees Ed as his superior, and that's how we got into this mess at the end of S1

When it comes to Ed and Stede's dynamic in OFMD I was just suddenly and violently reminded of a drama class I had in high school, which introduced me to the concept of ranked social status in acting as a way to create character drama.

The example the teacher gave was from the show Happy Days. Richie (the protagonist) is of lower status than his father and there are certain behaviors between them that extend from this status difference. However, Fonzie (the beloved, leather-clad bad boy of the show that Richie looks up to) is also higher status than Richie, which puts him at equal status with Richie's father. When Richie's father and Fonzie are in the same room, sparks fly because their hierarchies clash. Neither can command the other.

Now, to translate this lesson to Stede, Ed, and OFMD in general. Stede is ranked above his crew. Izzy is ranked above Ivan and Fang on Ed's crew. Both act accordingly towards their respective crews. When Stede and Izzy are in the same room, sparks fly because they are of equal status at the top of their respective crew hierarchies and clash because they don't get along.

However, everyone in OFMD sees themselves as subordinate to Ed/Blackbeard. That's the crux of Lucius's wake-up call to Ed about how everyone is worried all of the time about whether they measure up to Ed's standards. But the most fascinating part of that exchange is the revelation that Ed does not know this about himself.

Or, more specifically and much more importantly, Ed does not see himself as higher status than Stede. Ed knows he's of higher status than any of the crew members. Ed regularly pulls rank on the Revenge crew members and on Izzy. He pulls rank on Lucius immediately after this conversation with, "Don't, or I will stab you in your fucking face," acknowledging that Lucius was correct, given his status level, to be afraid when he punched up at Ed and told him off for being rude to Stede. Ed acknowledges that the criticism was warranted, Lucius, but don't push it.

What this exchange reveals is a conflict that lies at the very beating heart of the love story between Stede and Ed, the blink-and-you'll-miss-it misunderstanding between them that powers all of their softest moments and is the source of their greatest conflict at the end of the show when Ed in misery and perceived rejection descends into depression and then (thanks to Izzy's prodding) into the fury of the Kraken:

Ed has always seen Stede as an equal but Stede has always seen himself as subordinate to Ed.

Stede's view of himself as lower status than Ed makes sense, especially by the time he and Ed meet for the first time. Stede, in his own words, is a terrible pirate. All his naive optimism that we saw in the Republic of Pirates has been knocked out of him by that Spanish gut stab (and shaken before that by Badminton). He almost died. He almost got his whole crew killed. This is not a game and he has learned just how bad he is at pirate life. Ed shows up in the knick of time to keep Stede's starry-eyed, oblivious, foolish obsession with his perception of the pirate lifestyle from completely destroying him and people who had put their trust in him. Stede is humbled by the arrival of Blackbeard but he has all the baggage in his head of the legend of Blackbeard, and is star-struck when Ed offers to teach him how to survive in this world.

Stede is humbled and awed to enter into this mentorship with Blackbeard and accordingly, he puts Ed as higher status than himself and defers to him in most things except specific carve-outs that Ed made as part of the deal to learn about how to be an aristocrat, which is a limited period of status reversal that Stede is very aware of and is meticulous to not overstep.

The only other time outside of their aristocrat lessons that Stede pulls rank on Ed is in the same episode where Lucius screws up his courage to tell Ed off and it's a very similar moment. Stede works up the courage to flout the hierarchy because he needs something so badly (to win back Ed's interest with an adventure, or so he believes) that he temporarily puts concerns about status aside to achieve this more important goal. But the moment is a temporary carve-out just like Lucius's chastisement of Ed and for the same reasons as Lucius: to stop Ed from letting a relationship with Stede slip through his fingers. Stede clearly does not expect to go back to telling Ed what to do again after that except in similarly extreme circumstances.

Ed is not aware of the fact Stede sees him as higher ranked. He did as Stede told him and went on the adventure that day because he saw Stede as an equal and captain of the Revenge giving an order and Ed followed it even though he was reluctant. Ed has never been aware of the fact that Stede defers to him as a superior and there are many reasons for this.

First, it's important to mention why we, the audience, might not notice the power imbalance: the show is very tightly from Stede's point of view (POV). We see much more of why Stede, as a piratical failure, should look up to Blackbeard as a mentor than we see of Ed's perception of events.

But if you pay close attention, you'll notice that if you were to trim the show to just events Ed is aware of, it's a very different story.

Ed is not shown to respect very many people as equals but from the small sample we have, we can see who he does respect: other ship captains. Specifically, Calico Jack and Stede.

This makes sense given Ed's own status as a ship captain. Given Izzy's bluster and Ed's reputation, it would make sense for him to assume he is the highest status person on any ship he treads upon, but that's not the case. Ed is actually fairly scrupulous about deferring to Stede as captain of the Revenge, as is appropriate in a maritime setting. He has moments where he slips and answers to captain, but he quickly apologizes for the gaffe as force of habit and directs command decisions to Stede.

From this we can extrapolate that even in the glimpses we have of Blackbeard before Ed catches up to Stede, he's being playful but he's not being sarcastic when he orders Izzy to be polite to Stede. From the beginning, Ed has seen Stede as an equal and a fellow ship captain. This is obfuscated by Izzy's bluster about Stede not being worthy of such treatment, but it is clearly Ed's view if you look closely. Ed from the beginning privileges Stede as a ship captain as being of higher status than Izzy as a first mate and commands Izzy to treat Stede accordingly.

Ed hears impressive stories about Stede before he meets him. He hears of Stede besting Izzy at swordplay, capturing English officers as hostages, and in general, he hears of the Gentleman Pirate making a name for himself. He is not privy to all of Stede's gaffes, he learns of Stede by reputation and is impressed by it.

When Ed encounters Stede for the first time in person, it can be argued that he's as impressed by Stede as Stede is by the legend of Blackbeard. This is a novel and welcome feeling for Ed, who is lonely at the top of the hierarchy of legendary themed pirate captains. He is in search of an equal. It doesn't matter to him if Stede has less experience, that's just a matter of time and some education, which in his view are trivially easy to achieve compared to the importance of having a sense of style. From Ed's POV, Stede has what it takes. Stede as already demonstrated his competence simply by being alive and having some flair. Let me reiterate:

Ed already sees Stede as his equal when they first meet and treats him accordingly.

Now, several things happen to obscure for Ed that Stede sees him as a superior.

First, Stede is too freakin' oblivious to put 2 + 2 together and realize that the guy with the huge beard that arrived with Blackbeard's crew is in fact Blackbeard. To be fair, he is still gravely wounded and clearly out of it. But this baffling moment for Ed who is so accustomed to even total strangers like the Dutch merchants throwing themselves overboard at the sight of him, with strangers improbably recognizing him on sight, that he is utterly taken aback. Instead of laughing in Stede's face, he instead has an existential crisis about whether Ed does indeed work for Blackbeard.

By the time the confusion is cleared, Stede and Ed have had a personal moment of friendship and connection that skips Stede over the awe he would typically show towards Blackbeard. It's possible that had Stede been introduced to Ed as Blackbeard up front, he might have bowed or stuttered or had a fanboy moment that made it clear he was initially on the same page as Black Pete and the rest of the crew with his awe of this legend. That might have dimmed Ed's interest or at least made him aware of Stede's insecurities, but that does not happen.

(To be fair, Ed tries to get people to see past Blackbeard to Ed when he first meets the crew, and the crew ignores his request calling him sir - it's possible that as his soulmate, Stede would have quickly adjusted and done as Ed requested. I don't want it to sound like a foregone conclusion that Stede would have flubbed the introduction had it gone differently - I don't think he would have.)

Ed's perception of Stede seeing him as a superior is obscured by two other important things:

Ed's ego: Ed likes to be admired. Stede loves admiring Ed. Ed clearly feels good when Stede admires him but it's because he has a crush on Stede as an equal. However, this obscures the fact that when Stede says, "Whoa!" at the prospect of Blackbeard mentoring him, it's not just that he's impressed by Ed's cleverness and skill, it's also because he's amazed that Blackbeard would want to mentor Stede Bonnet. This is largely lost on Ed, I believe, and that's because:

Ed sees their mentor relationship as an exchange of equals. He does not offer to mentor Stede as a superior. He offers to mentor Stede in exchange for something he desperately wants: to be mentored in the ways of an aristocrat. Ed admires the world of the aristocrat as much as Stede admires the world of piracy. But there again is the issue of us being so deep in Stede's POV: we are not shown the world of the aristocracy in the same glowing terms as we are shown why Stede loves the world of piracy. Even the French noble party is shown mostly from Stede's POV, so from the beginning, we're shown how ridiculous these painted privileged assholes are. We get only glimpses of what that world means to Ed, for example when he is awestruck and blushy about Stede using a gentleman's skill to fix his red silk handkerchief as a pocket square and tell him from a place of authority that he wears fine things well.

Ed has always seen Stede's skills as a gentleman with as much awe as Stede views Ed's skill as a pirate.

This unequal perception of their status in relation to one another comes to a tragic conclusion when Stede leaves Ed on that dock.

To Stede's mind, Ed has always been the superior. Ed will be fine without him. The only reason Ed is in this situation in the first place is that he had to clean up Stede's mess. Stede's own low opinion of himself, which infuses the entire POV of the narrative, obscures from him the possibility that Ed might be insecure too and that Ed could have made those decisions that brought him low like this because Stede matters more to him than all of the things Stede admires about Ed-as-Blackbeard. Stede completely misses the possibility that Ed might be emotionally crushed by his abandonment because of Stede's own low opinion of himself.

To Ed's mind, Stede and Ed have always been equals. That perception brings with it a certain amount of trepidation over whether Stede thinks Ed is worthy of him. Again, Ed is just as in awe of the world of the gentleman as Stede is of the world of pirates. And, going back to those earlier points, Ed has never seen Stede's failures because Stede's piracy failures stop when Ed joins the crew and because he doesn't blame Stede for his lack of knowledge about piracy and never has.

Unlike Izzy and the crew, Ed has never seen the gaps in Stede's knowledge as a personal failing on Stede's part, partially (I believe) because Ed is so sick and tired of the world of piracy that he's not impressed by anything in that world except those who manage to survive it and who have a bit of style and flair about how they do so, which Stede has in spades. From this perspective, Stede has nothing to be ashamed of. Compound that with the fact that, as far as we know, Stede has never told Ed about his wife and children or the shame he feels about abandoning them, so Ed is completely blind to any source of shame or self-loathing that Stede might feel. Ed has no inkling and barely the beginning of a hint of how to get that inkling about what Stede has going on inside his head.

Very likely, this misunderstanding will be clarified in S2 in one of a variety of ways. Perhaps Stede's self-actualization will allow him to finally treat with Ed as an equal. Perhaps Ed's own actions and misery, as well as the story being told from his POV, will reverse the formula where he feels unequal to Stede until he learns to address his own traumas on that front. We'll see! But I hope this exploration of the status imbalance has been of interest to those who made it this far.

[hwnglx]

txt's current energy ﴾ may '23

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

for soobin and beomgyu, the career reading was kinda messy and confusing. whenever this happens, i always get the vibe i shouldn't really know or tell, so. only included the love life update for them, hope that's ok ❤︎

yeonjun

love hangm, star, 6ofw, 9ofp

yeonjun is just having fun, enjoying his popularity and being desired by everyone for now. he's not looking to tie himself to anyone and is focusing on maintaining his indepency. i think, a romantic commitment would just put a whole different set of responsibilites with him that he just doesn't wanna deal with right now. he's too focused on himself and mainting his status, especially career-wise.

career devil&wheel, 9ofc, tower&knofw+3ofp

oh wow. there's definitely been some major turning points for him here. there might've been a project of some kind that required him to work with others, but kinda collapsed last minute? since i got the exact combo of the tower plus the knight of wands for taehyun, it might involve him too. yeonjun is absolutely one of the most ambitious and eager idols i read for till now. he has so many different things he wants so accomplish, and i think he has a tendency to overcommit almost. he can hold on too tight to his desires and obsess over his goals. this might be a bad habit he needs to let go of. he needs to learn to let things flow more.

advice - mutable moon: nothing is yet set in stone -> his situation might be unstable but far from being finalized -> there's still the opportunity for him to keep visualizing and affirming what wants -> still room for change

message to him: staying adaptable is the key to success!

soobin

love 6ofw, knofsw, 3ofsw+3ofw, 5ofc, 2ofc

his love life is pretty messy. there seems to be someone he has a deep connection to right now, but a lot of it has been tainted by heartbreak and disappointment. there might've been some third party situation that left him worrying and hurt. not sure which side it was on, but there might've been some impulsive behavior going on that resulted in this situation. they still seem to be holding on to the connection though. he seems more emotional than what meets the eye.

advice - third quarter moon: adjustments are required -> he is reevaluating his situation -> need to trust and release -> something new and exciting might be coming

message to him: your current crisis will remind you of what you need to let go of!

beomgyu

love lovers, kingofw, 10ofw, 9ofsw, judgrx

so as i said mentioned recently, he's been in a relationship with someone for a while now, and there's still feelings of passion between them. especially beomgyu feels a lot of attraction in this connection, but there's something weighing on him. i think, he realized this relationship comes with a lot more responsibility than expected, and he might've caused some hurt to his partner by just not learning his lessons. he's starting to get doubts, like "am i really doing this right?" there's some past baggage the two still need to talk out and let go of. a lot of unresolved tension.

advice - full moon in aries: a fiery climax approaches! -> he might've been too selfish, harsh or overstepped the mark -> need to accept he put himself into this situation -> ability to get himself out of it as well with a more peaceful approach

message to him: don't be too blunt or insensitive, you could pay the price for it!

taehyun

love 5ofp, 5ofsw, justice, pagofp, strength

ok i'm gonna be honest here, i believe the scandal might've made things a little harder for him in the romantic world. the justice card is showing me this lack of love is very much a cause of his own actions. tbh, last time i read for him, i did see him just having a little too much fun, and i think he's facing the consequences now. it does seem like he's a pretty self aware guy though, so he probably knows he did it to himself. he's trying to just power through it, but is feeling kinda awkward in the dating scene, it seems.

career knofw&3ofp, devil, moon+pagofc&7ofp

again, similarly to yeonjun, there might've been some collaboration he rushed into too impulsively. i got the devil for taehyun and yeonjun too, so there's definitely some toxicity and obsession connected to it. i think they were both veeery eager about whatever this is, so it ceasing to happen for now, caused some insecurities. taehyun is feeling the frustration of having to wait in the dark in a way and currently dealing with emotions pretty new to him. sorry if i can't pinpoint what exactly happened here lol, but everything seems kinda messy it's confusing me. the uncertainty, frustration and strong ambition seems to be a common thread here.

advice - new moon eclipse: expect powerful change -> current events could be uncomfortable but will lead to something better -> might be guided by his ego and strive for a certain direction but the divine will turn him instead to face the direction he needs to go in

message to him: whatever is happening right now, is happening for your highest good

kai

love sunrx+star&moon, 2ofc&4ofp, aceofsw, 8ofw

kai has been in a relationship for a few months now it seems, and he's strongly holding on to it. i think he's scared of losing this person and scared to do things wrong, since he really seems to see them as very precious. he's really in his head about it. a lot of reflection. he might be scared of facing reality of some things in this relationship, being avoidant out of fear. i do see him communicating with this person tho, and learning a lot from it. it seems to be a pretty healthy connection, i think he found himself a good person.

career death, 5ofc, 9ofw, empr&highpr

man, something keeps telling me kai is a member the higher ups often tend to not take so seriously. i feel like, he can easily feel crushed underneath their power, and is feeling very guarded. there seems to have been a major change in his career, that caused him some disappointment. he might feel like he doesn't really have a voice and can't express things. even if something saddens him, he just kinda deals with it on his own. in the past, i got the vibe he might've had some bad experiences with some staff members, and this seemed to have made him more wary and protective of his peace. he has such pleasant energy, honestly. protect this boy ☹

advice - full moon eclipse: conclusions are within reach -> forgiveness will set him free -> what he's experiencing now is what his soul signed up for - a way for him to learn and evolve

message to him: allow events to unfold and be easy on yourself

gifs: @/itshyuka

[blackstarchanx3new]

FSR rambles...THE FIFTH ONE???

It dawned on me while I work on the 2nd flashback comic in a row I could talk about the scene between Blue and Green. I will probably have less interesting/insightful things to say about this chapter since it was mostly "Aftercare" for all the BS I put yall through with the Link chapter. X'D

I actually EXTENDED this scene from it's OG length not sure how obvious that is though. We all needed to heal. UwU Mostly me actually lmfao. I write obnoxiously fluffy shit after dark shit to make me feel better. X'D

IS IT TONAL WIPLASH!? MAYBE!? DO I CARE???? NOOOOOOO.

Jumping into this page after the last one it gives the impression Blue talking yanked Green out of his thoughts about Link/the past few days leading up to Link pulling the sword.

Twice now someone has warded off Dark Link just by talking to the person he's affecting. Previous being Shadow not so elegantly yelling at Vio till he woke the hell up but he was way deeper in in than Green is here.

Onto the more pressing matter of this page though:

Green feels responsible for taking care of everyone and was worried about what Vio was going to go do once he left the house: Note, we SAW what Shadow and Vio were up too but Green has NO CLUE. If he knew I feel like he'd be more concerned about the freakin' panic attack oof.

Vio just said he was going for a walk and hasn't come back for presumably hours. Right after the split too and with someone who is DUBIOUS at best. The situation kinda just sucks.

Blue gets annoyed with Green's stubbornness offering to take his place in waiting for Vio. The millionth sign he cares about Vio a lot despite his previous ranting.

Dude just decides to concedes to sitting with Green cause it's easier than trying to get him to sleep. Despite him OBVIOUSLY needing it.

Fair question to ask all things considered...

Not much to say story wise but art wise Blue is very cute and his super long side burns are one of my favorite things about him outside of his huge eyebrows. Yall will know weird eyebrows are a thing I enjoy drawing if you've seen my art for a long time. XD

That hug went on a little too long lmao. Blue's kind of shy about physical affection and I think that's cute.

Blue doesn't wanna be Link, like at all. He must have also caught Vio staring at the sword's pedestal because he knows Vio had thoughts about placing it earlier and knew Green had paranoia about Vio putting the sword back while on the "Walk"

Blue's perceptive.

Green says the gayest thing he possibly could prompting one of my favorite lines from Blue in this entire comic "Why am I the only normal one???" He's projecting his own insecurities about being "weird" onto the Vio and Green.

He really wanted the split to be the key to solving all their/Link's problems. Unlucky for him it just makes 4 times more issues oop.

Blue ain't an idiot. He can tell Green's not doing too well. UNLIKE VIO GREEN'S ACTUALLY HONEST RIGHT OFF THE BAT WITH HIS PROBLEMS/FEARS.

Blue decides he wants to be the 2nd most level headed character in this comic outside of Shadow Link.

Blue's a true bud.

Blue how dare you capture Green's heart. X'D Vio and Green are both desperate for comfort. I find Green and Vio were the ones affected by Link's depression the most.

Vio harbors a LOT of regret and anxiety. Green feels overwhelming pressure to do what Link did before the split while being "Diet Link".

Vio's less good at dealing with and communicating emotions are hard for the purple boy. Green doesn't have this problem and is with someone who gets what he's going through right away while Shadow wasn't sure WHAT was the problem when Vio started to break down.

Green never gets to that point at least not here.

Green and Blue also don't have the utter BAGAGE Vio and Shadow do lmao so that probably helps.

Green and Vio got baggage together that will be unpacked later. ;)

Lol Green's confession is cute. Blue's a lot less comfortable saying stuff quite like that. Red's the MOST comfortable saying that kind of thing so maybe this scene is OOC but Green's insanely difficult to characterize so I'm doing whatever I want with him. X'D

Blue hasn't been slick at all about his feelings towards Vio let's be real and Green calls him out.

Shadow Link pisses Blue off and I'm so giddy to show off more of WHY that is. (It's deeper than he's jealous which you can probably figure from his dialogue.)

Also just goes to show Link himself still harbored tough feelings around Shadow Link deeper than Vio's emotional baggage.

While Vio was in denial he was still alive despite the obvious fact he was there the whole time and the notion they could ever meet again, even HOPING they wouldn't, he still showed fondness towards Shadow and was happy to be around him.

Blue actively doesn't like Shadow and has been vocal about that fact. If Blue calling him a "Bitch" and a "Bastard" didn't make that clear enough.

Green you'll notice only at first mentions wanting Vio to come back but switches to mentioning them both in the next page. He also was the one who clarified Shadow was welcome to stay with them and was apart of their team. Showing a sort of neutral leaning on positive tone to Shadow's existence.

Red's relationship with Shadow is nonexistent at this point but will be explored later so I can't speak on it as of rn. Red hasn't had much of a role but I will point out I did like drawing him in the BG of these pages. XD He's still around just sleepy.

Blue's ability to sense danger is such an interesting thing about him. Like, that's so useful I wish we got to see it more in the manga.

I appreciated Blue way more as a character after drawing these pages and it made me change how I wrote him in certain scenes in the script X'D

I want him to have just as much depth as Vio and Shadow, because while Vidow had a strong focus at the START the whole of the comic leans on: A sequel to FSA vibe.

We're left on a cliff hanger for what the hell Blue's afraid of...Vaati perhaps?

We'll see.

Blue being protective of Green was smth I thought would be cute, but Green also trusts his judgment.

Also smth that will be touched on btw and I'm sure yall have noticed is: Where the hell is Princess Zelda/what is she up too. Considering she got a letter from Link.

[minniethemoocherda]

Give Me Reason

Summary: If Red Alert could go to their therapy sessions for Inferno, take their medication for Inferno and be willing to die for Inferno, then the least they could do was to try going to one of his stupid Chess Club games for him too.

A/N: This takes place between chapters 11 and 12 of my Jazzprowl fic Iridescent but you don't have to read that for this to make sense. BTW I made Red Alert non0binary and Bluestreak a transgirl.

Ao3

FF.net

As their alarm wailed, Red Alert felt a rise of panic as they woke up without the familiar feeling of Inferno's strong arms wrapped around them. Before they could allow their thoughts to spiral, Red checked the calendar that they had mounted to the wall.

Usually on this day of the week, Inferno would be finishing the nightshift monitor duty, giving the pair a moment to appreciate each other's company before Red Alert took over for the day shift.

But as the calendar reminded them, this morning they were meeting up with Prowl the first session of Inferno's new Chess Club.

The fire truck could deny it all he liked, but Red Alert knew that he had come up with the ideas as a way to help them make friends.

Unfortunately Red Alert would have to admit, that they were a bit lacking in the friends department.

Sure they had their mandatory check ins with Rung and Ratchet but that wasn't the same. Inferno was the sweetest bot on the planet so of course he had plenty of friends. And Red wanted him to enjoy spending time with those friends without having to worry about them being left on their own. Plus It wasn't fair to Inferno to put all their emotional baggage onto him. Therefore as much as changing their routine could freak them out, Red Alert knew that making some friends would be the best for the both of them.

Or he's finally fed up of dealing with your glitch and is trying to pawn you on to someone else.

"Yeah, yeah whatever." Red Alert mumbled, ignoring their reflection in the mirror, as they walked past it to grab their morning medication.

If they could go to their therapy sessions for Inferno and take their medication for Inferno and be willing to die for Inferno, then they could try going to at least one of his chess club games for him.

Red Alert cringed at the wave of nausea as they uploaded the medication directly into their wrist port. They hated having to be reliant on the stupid things but as Inferno liked to remind them, everyone also had to clean their denta every day just as everyone had to eat a morning meal every day and got to bed every night too. So it was just another step to their daily routine to take the medication as well. No matter the momentary discomfort.

Plus the last time they'd been off their meds, the voices in their head convinced them that everyone had betrayed them, even Inferno, causing them to nearly team up with Starscream! So they were willing to put up with anything to avoid a repeat of that.

Checking the time on their internal clock, they filled up a cube of energon from their personal stash and headed for the recreational room.

Now Red Alert knew that it was near impossible that the energon in the rec room was poisoned, especially with all the security checks they had personally put in place. But as all their personal supply had been pre-checked they knew that their own was one hundred percent safe. Therefore it was one less thing for their glitch to worry about, so hopefully they could focus on trying to enjoy the game.

Red Alert had ensured that only them and Prowl would free right now. With the morning shift not due to start for another hour, everyone else was either working the night shift or still in recharge. So as they entered the rec room, they were momentarily panicked to see that Prowl was not alone. Before Red's glitch could spiral, they recognised the other person as Bluestreak.

Now Red Alert had made sure to review every last detail about everyone in the Autobot army, so they knew all about how Prowl had become guardian of the young bot after the destruction of Praxus.

Red had theorised why the head of tactics had agreed to join the club considering that Prowl the only person in the army more anti-social than themselves, with theories ranging from him secretly being a Deception spy to alternative universe doppelganger. But now all the pieces fell into place.

Prowl was doing this for Bluestreak. Just like how Red Alert was doing this for Inferno.

Although they if they really felt like being honest, then they were both also doing it for themselves.

"See you later!" Bluestreak called out as she raced off to their post with far too much energy for this time in the morning.

Red Alert gave them a polite nod in return before setting up the chess board that they'd brought with them on the table.

Again, Red Alert knew that it was highly unlikely that Prowl would not have tampered with the communal set. But with them trying something new, Red felt the need to be as in control as possible to stop them from spiralling about the situation. Sure It was an overly paranoid precaution. But it was also a mechanism that helped them cope and right now, keeping themselves calm was the most important thing.

After exchanging good morning greetings, the pair got straight into the match.

Red Alert was pleasantly surprised to find that Prowl was actually a challenge.

Inferno had improved a lot over the many years that they had been playing chess together, but unless Red Alert lost on purpose then they would always win. So it was a little exhilarating to play an equal opponent.

The pair exchanged little small talk, instead preferring to focus on the game. But that in of itself told Red Alert that the two of them probably had more in common than they initially realised. Maybe one day, after many more games, Red would hopefully feel comfortable enough to share these thoughts.

They played for the hour that they had allotted when people started to shuffle into the recreation room still half asleep for their morning shift or trying to catch an extra bit of socialisation before turning in for the night.

Red Alert knew that they would both prefer to continue their match next week then to keep playing when surrounded by a crowd.

Red took note of the positions of all the peices. They then asked Prowl if he wanted a copy but he shook his head.

"I trust you." The head tactician stated.

Red Alert couldn't begin to describe how happy that simple statement made them. As head of security, people trusted them to protect them all from Decepticon attacks. But nobody ever trusted them with anything personal.

Red headed off to the monitor room with a skip in their step, for once the voice in their head kept from making any snide remarks.

They opened the door to find Inferno already standing to attention.

They knew that the fire truck wanted to rush over to welcome them with a hug, but as ever he remained the picture of professionalism whilst on duty. Which was on the many reasons Red fell in love with him all those years ago, back when the pair were simple firefighters working at the same station, before the war turned them into soldiers.

"Nothing to report Commander." Inferno stated.

"Thank you Officer. You are dismissed." Red Alert told him.

No longer on duty, Inferno squeezed their elbow as he slipped through the door.

"I'm glad you had a good time." Inferno smiled, having no doubt felt the joy radiating through their conjunx bond.

Red Alert allowed themselves a smile in return before heading over to the console.

As soon as they logged on, they started checking through all of the Ark's security cameras, already coming up with new ideas of how to best cover any potential blind spots.

Because for as much as their glitch often made it difficult, all Red Alert ever wanted to do was help people. It was why they became a firefighter and then an Autobot and then a Commander as the Head of Security. And although sometimes they found it hard to help themselves, there was nothing that they wouldn't do to help others. So if meeting up to play chess once a week helped Inferno and Prowl, then Red would gladly do it.

The fact that it made them happy too was just a bonus.

[essayofthoughts]

Scuttles in

I still think about the Tiefling AU ok

And given your recent blorbo-ing of Kash and Zahra, how that might impact Percy's dynamic with the later especially.

Do Zahra and Lilith teach Percy some tiefling culture basics? Thaumaturgy manners, or that one comic with instinctive tiefling head bonks? Tricks for hiding the horns under a hood ir shawl and making it look natural?

(Also, how Vex potentially sleeping with Zahra might throw a wrench in Kashra's development for a lil longer, maybe? 👀)

Ooh fun questions!

I think I've already said to you that contrary to my usual interpretation and belief, Percy and Lillith do bang in this AU bc Percy is dealing with some shit, not only trauma regarding the Briarwoods' attack and the loss of his family and home but also his own dysphoria due to his change of self, his utter loss of autonomy over how he presents himself and is percieved. And. Because of that baggage, he thinks that it's okay with Lillith because she's a tiefling. He's not passing on his corruption to someone else because she's already got that planar influence. He doesn't know why he's a tiefling now when he wasn't before and he's afraid that whatever taint infects him might infect others - but if someone's already a tiefling... it can't hurt them, right? They're used to it.

As for Zahra, I mean.

This Percy speaks Abyssal because of Orthax, and most tieflings speak Infernal. On the one hand this means Percy can listen in on the twins sometimes - they both speak Elvish and Abyssal (canon Percy knows the former and Celestial, in this he knows both and gains Abyssal after his change) - and on the other hand... this stands out as wierd to Zahra! Because she knows tieflings - Zahra, Lillith, Lillith's sisters (her other cousins) - and she knows they speak Infernal. So... it's definitely a first inkling for him that something's significantly usual what happened. Meanwhile for Zahra... I feel like it might make her wonder a little if that's why he's weird by tiefling standards?

She first finds out he speaks Abyssal because she goes to ask him, the other tiefling in the group, a very quiet, casual, in Infernal, "hey, everyone cool here?" kind of question. A "you know these people, they're not shitty about what we are, right? how worried/on alert do I need to be?" - and Percy doesn't understand her. He also made no move to ask her that in turn, which might be because he's familiar with most of the group but packed in with him speaking Abyssal and not Infernal just makes her think Weird and Wrong.

Thing is, Percy is pretty polite for the most part, so I can't really see him committing a social faux pas - he's so exacting about etiquette I can't see him really prying in a way that'd violate any unspoken rules of tiefling subculture - but because it's a new thing for him, I can see him just not observing it in ways that kind of blindside her? And for her, the way he keeps his tail tucked around himself when he doesn't need it for balance, the way he keeps his claws tucked away or under gloves, the way he seems uncomfortable with his tiefling aspects - that'd make her think of abuse (which she is canonically familiar with!) and wonder if he was taught to be ashamed of himself and kept isolated and that being the reason for his ignorance. So I can see her trying to gently teach him to be a bit more at ease with himself (and maybe some more tiefling subculture specific things, like getting a sense of each other's magic and when it's appropriate to use it, the little check in of "these people cool?", virtue names - though I don't think Zahra has one, or Lillith, but they are a tiefling thing).

This all said, on learning there's tiefling subculture etiquette Percy would absolutely absorb it like a sponge; boy gets so specific about social rules and is so careful not to fuck up. I really do get the impression that some of that is fuelled by anxiety (especially given how he splutters and gets awkward at other points - he likes to have a script, so I'd be shocked if he didn't have social anxiety or some overlapping neurodivergency).

As for that last point. Well.

As I figure it, Vex comes onto Zahra after the tomb because she wants somoene who isn't a mess over it and she wants to enjoy being alive! She doesn't want to have to hide her own emotions for sake of everyone else - she was he one who died, for fuck's sake, she should be allowed to feel her own emotions about it! And, well... yeah it hit her hard, but also she is really thrilled to be alive! (She is repressing hard, and has made her expressed opinion her only Allowed opinion.) And. Zahra is similar to Vex. They understand each other. So Zahra turns Vex down, but probably does talk to her a little, help Vex process things she was avoiding, and probably gives her hugs and cuddles. Vex does tend to seek to be alone when she's going through it, but I think someone who understands and doesn't judge her? I think she'd feel safe and also emotionally and pysically knackered, and so... sleep.

This probably does complicate things a bit for Kash though, at least until Zahra clears things up for him. I don't think it'd impede them much, but I do think it might prompt Kash to actually start to think about and process things more, having that tangible example of the kind of decisions one might make when not fully processing things.

After all, if he were to make the decision to take a risk with someone else rather than Z, because he's afraid of fucking up there - well, he'll probably carry that regret forever.

Send me asks about my fic ideas!

[cornertheculprit]

I am also having Maya and Phoenix 7-year gap thoughts. Like Maya is trying to hold it together and put on a brave face for Pearl after all they went through in 3-5. But because of that Maya is not allowing herself to process her emotions! And then Phoenix gets disbarred and he's doing the same thing as Maya but for Trucy. And it's like! I feel like that they get so used to hiding their actual emotions because they're both going through it and they don't want to add to each other's misery. But they also want to talk to each other and have some sense of normalcy and it's just ahhh I wanna write a fic exploring this but idk I can actually finish it so here are some thoughts living rent free in my mind

EXACTLYYYYY phoenix gets disbarred sooooo soon after aa3 it's insane. like off the top of my head i think it's barely even two months later. maya and pearl are STILL GONNA be dealing with the aftermath of 3-5. and maya is so so good at putting on a brave face ESPECIALLY for pearl she's so so good at pretending like nothing's wrong to the point where in those slight cameos phoenix and maya and pearl got in aai1-2 they both seem perfectly happy. and if you want to throw plvsaa into canon (which you honestly can because it doesn't contradict any timeline in the aa universe) she seems perfectly fine there as well. and then phoenix gets disbarred! and starts trying to put on a brave face for trucy as best as he can! and of course maya is gonna run down from kurain the minute she hears about it of course she's going to try to be there for him even if she's barely processed her OWN emotions because she's self-sacrificing and willing to do anything for the people she loves. but phoenix is the same way!!! so it's like you have maya trying to be brave for pearl and phoenix trying to be brave for trucy and them having a self-recognition through the other moment and still having to be so so brave about it because morgan tried to use pearl to kill maya and zak just up and ditched trucy at the courthouse and phoenix is twenty-six and maya is nineteen and they are both too young and have too much baggage of their own to be the primary caretakers of fully grown children with equal amounts of baggage and they still are anyway. and they are so good at hiding things when they want to that it makes them so bad about having actual emotional conversations but maya still worries over phoenix and phoenix still worries over maya because they're family and mia asked them to look after each other and life doesn't stop just because everything goes topsy-turvy all of a sudden. so maya visits him whenever she can with pearl in tow and phoenix visits her whenever he can with trucy in tow and when she can't visit maya sends him those samurai dvds and makes him write reports on them so she can hear back from him because there's still the nagging fear that he'll vanish on her like misty did (because of the news dragging him through the mud) or dying on her like mia did (because of investigations that always seem to inevitably go wrong) and phoenix always opens his door when pearl comes to visit by herself because of course he does and he watches as pearl becomes something akin to a big sister to trucy (like he said in dual destinies) and that despite everything they've all been through they're still standing. every last one of them. and he writes the stupid samurai reports

[sombrerokiwi]

I HAVE MANY PERSONA AU THOUGHTS mostly about the fellas who aren’t Hikari! I know we love our shadow cursed boy here on the sombrerokiwi blog but I’m curious as to how the other travelers fit in with his story! what’s their deal?

Well we already established at Arn's blog that Ochette is the Wildcard. She's from the Metaverse and looks like a Beastling in there but when she's in the real world Ears and Tail become fake. Basically kind of like Morgana but the cosplay questions go up by 10. We know that Mahina and Akala are Velvet Room guys and we know one of them will disappear after a while. Very concerning.

Osvald was a previous Metaverse Researcher who is now on parole. He got framed for the house fire that killed his family and had to serve in jail for a while before someone found evidence that there may have been foul play and bribery concerning the case. He’s Hikari and Throné’s upstairs neighbor and the first one who learns about Hikari’s Curse and the fact that he can travel to the Metaverse. He’s helping in any way he can and keeping an eye on Hikari because he is very aware of the Lumina Family and the possible ticking time bomb that Hikari has as the Curse. First Confidant member and all that.

Temenos I believe is a PI who is in the city investigating both the arson-murder case in Ku and the Mental Shutdowns. He’s Akechi if Akechi was a little less unhinged. He works for an organization very aware of Shadows and the Metaverse and followed in Roi and Jörg’e footsteps in order to figure out what happened to them. He’s determined and gives Hikari anxiety whenever he mentions the case in Ku. Hikari has a confidant with him and he has to make sure the man doesn’t find out about his identity. He eventually finds out and they become friends don't worry.

Throné was part of the Blacksnakes laying low to escape the life of crime and Hikari’s roommate. Pirro, Scaracci, and Donnie probably live in this au and if anything she’s just trying to get them to quit because this is hell. The life of crime is hell. She and Hikari are besties and she goes and figures out his real identity fast. The Curse she doesn’t find out about until later. She just assumes Hikari has a lot of baggage and helps him through it, something he appreciates. We will have her stab Claude she deserves it. She deserves to stab Father, Mother, and Claude IRL and in the Metaverse.

Castti I believe we had her be involved with the Metaverse but we hadn't expanded much on her admittedly. We know for a fact that her memories were erased due to her trying to stop Trousseau from doing Mental Shutdowns en masse. Perhaps she was apart of another division of the organization Temenos worked in and went MIA. Huh actually that would be a good other reason why Temenos went in there in the first place. She's still Castti but she has no memories and all her team is dead other than Trousseau.

Partitio is an aspiring business man and I don't know much other than that. He is however the Ryuji of "We're the Phantom Thieves" gag and almost everyone who interacts with him in his inner circle knows he's a Phantom Thief. He is also the person who manages to get more than 4 pieces of information from Kazan because there is literally nothing that the Moonshade Order can use to properly spy on him because he keeps telling everyone who he is on accident.

Agnea admittedly I don't know much about. She's a college student for dance. She probably also works at Gil's Place and that's how she and Hikari meet but I don't know much other than that. She's admittedly the odd one out in terms of Metaverse things because 6 of the cast already knew about the Metaverse/had connections with the Moonshade Order and Partitio is becoming the 7th because of his own investigations. I don't know what Agnea will do here.

Anyways @throne-anguis do you have anything to add? Because I'm a bit stumped on Partitio, Ochette, Agnea, and Castti.

Also Bean a lot of Persona stuff is on Arn's blog so if you want to join in on the discussion go there because I've been slightly going ham over there ever since I remembered Persona.

[0perfectimperfections0]

Hiya! I absolutely adore your Lou fanfics. That man has emotional baggage the size of Mount Everest, and I'm so happy to see him getting comfort. I was wondering if you might write a sleep deprived or sick Lou who gets taken care of by Ox and Mandy (or any character you like) after trying to hide it? I'm a sucker for fluff or angst. Again, thank you for writing your stories! They're awesome! I love how he struggles with feeling like he should be absolutely perfect.

Aw, thank you! Yes, Lou has a lot of trauma that he's working through. Luckily now, he doesn't have to deal with it alone. But, he's still learning that fact with the help of the gang.

Also! Just because I got asked this in the other Fandom I write for, my prompts aren't necessarily in a specific order. Like, I place the prompts in the timeline that works best for the story. So, for instance, this one will be before the "Hugs" one where he stays with Ox. Cause I'm sure Ox would make ABSOLUTE SURE that Lou went to sleep every night.

And same, I'm a sucker for fluff and angst. I absolutely love that prompt! Let me see what I can do...

<><><><><><>

He had grown to be quiet after his turn in the wash. Most of the dolls who made their disgust with him known joked that the water had made him lose his voice. The airheads often considered the term prototype to be something akin to the robots around the village. And they didn't stop at that. Lou was essentially dehumanized as if he hadn't been when he was first created already.

But the silence he kept himself under was off-putting.

Ox was obviously the first to notice. He didn't allow the blonde to stray from his sight as he cleaned the floors. It was the tiny things he noticed day by day. The way Lou's legs would give out on him periodically. The mop looked bent from where Lou seemed to be putting most of his weight against it as if he couldn't hold himself up on his own accord.

The bunny nonchalant had made a comment or two about his concern to the others. He was met with discord, which didn't come as a surprise to him. But, Mandy and Moxy didn't have much to say in opposition to his comments as the others did. That had to be a good sign, right?

And now, as he stood by the wayside with a close eye on the prototype, he was mildly shocked to see the two girls walking up to him. "Don't think we haven't noticed you hanging around here all the time," Mandy commented as she stood beside him.

"I'm just worried," Ox didn't take his gaze away from Lou. "Somethin' doesn't look right."

"Well, that washer did a lot more than we thought it would." Moxy hummed.

Ox's ears twitched, "Very funny, Moxy. I won't talkin' about his actual looks."

"I know," Moxy was quick to raise her hands defensively. "I mean the washer did something to his head." Another glare in her direction. "I mean mentally!"

The concern knawing at him was the culprit for his short temper at the moment. And both girls knew that. And, to be fair, Ox had every right to believe that any comment made toward Lou was to be taken offensively.

There was a sound that caught their attention and the dolls looked up to see Lou had collapsed on the floor. Ox immediately rushed over and tilted the blonde's head toward him, "Lou? Lou!" He turned to Mandy, "Get Lucky Bat!" The Ugly was the closest thing to a doctor that would stand a chance at helping them. Ox couldn't depend on the Pretties to any extent. Not with his brother.

Lucky Bat could ensure that Lou was still alive. Exhaustion seemed to be what drove Lou to this state. "We need to get him somewhere to cool down," the bat waved a wing over Lou's face to try and relieve the red hue that had overcome it. "And he needs sleep. When was the last time he's slept?"

Ox opened his mouth to answer before realizing he didn't know. Once Lou was done with his job and disappeared into the shed, Ox always assumed he was safe and no longer had to worry. "I don't know."

Fortunately, Ox didn't have to ask for any volunteers. Mandy gently picked Lou up. Moxy piped up before Ox could speak, "We can take him to my house!" Ox blinked in surprise at her. She rubbed her arm, "I feel like I owe it to him...I mean, I did kinda start this whole thing. It's the least I can do."

He let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding in. It felt relieving to know he wasn't the only one in defense of the blonde. It took a lot of weight off his shoulders. Mandy gingerly followed the two to Moxy's house, Lucky Bat trailing along to keep tabs on Lou. The dark-skinned doll looked down at Lou worriedly, "He's not moving at all, except for breathing. Are you sure it's just exhaustion?"

"If it is sleep deprivation, his body probably forced itself to shut down to keep from something worse happening." Lucky Bat recalled through some of the human books his kid had brought home from school. Health was one of the subjects that caught the Ugly's attention.

"Worse?" Mandy didn't like the sound of that.

Lucky went skittish, wringing his wings together, "If it goes on long enough...I read that it can cause death."

______________

There were some murmurs around him. None of the words could be heard clearly, but it sounded like more than one. Lou hummed, brows furrowing from the pain in his head. The voices quieted down and something wrapped around his hand, "Lou?"

The blonde blinked his eyes open groggily. His eyelids felt heavy and his body wanted nothing more than to go back to its unconscious state. Ox stood in front of him, a paw clasped around Lou's hand tightly.

"...Ut...ppened," his speech wasn't working properly.

Moxy was sitting beside him on her bed, "You passed out earlier."

Lou couldn't find the strength to speak again, no matter what little he said before. Mandy walked into the room with a rag. She folded it and laid it across his forehead. It was cool. Some of the throbbing he'd woken up to numbed down after a moment.

"You gave me a scare," Ox chuckled airily, eye still trained on the doll to make sure nothing bad happened.

"All of us," Mandy corrected. She fixed some of the hair that had stuck to Lou's face, brushing it behind his ear. The red flush in his cheeks was starting to go away. "How much have you been sleeping?"

He didn't want to answer that question. It was already obvious where this was going and he wasn't ready for the chastisement awaiting him. He'd already dealt enough with that. Yelled at for not working enough. Yelled at for not sleeping enough. Nothing was ever enough anymore, was it? And with how the company treated him, he didn't feel like there was ever a time where it was enough.

"Lou?" Ox pressed.

"...Oo...rs," his voice was still weak. He tried clearing it, "T...oo."

Moxy's eyes widened a smidge, "Two hours?" The blonde nodded shortly. "Lou, you've only been sleeping for two hours every night? You need more tha--"

"Eek...," Lou whispered.

"Huh?"

He took in a breath, bracing for the reprimanding, "T...oo...ch...eek."

Their jaws dropped and Moxy dared to interpret what he'd said, "Two hours a week?" After a moment of hesitation, he nodded.

Ox looked away, taking in a breath to calm himself down. He turned back to Lou, squeezing his hands, "We're havin' a talk once you've got your speech back. I want you to sleep."

"An't...," the faintest whimper escaped Lou. His chest heaved.

"What?" Ox was scared the worst was happening.

"...P...ease...c...an...t," a tear trailed down Lou's face.

Mandy kneeled down beside the bed to hear him better, "You can't what? Sleep?" He nodded. "Just relax, okay? You'll be out like a light--"

"O," he choked out. More tears followed.

Ox instinctively sat up on the bed, putting a paw on Lou's cheek, "Hey, it's alright. Why can't you sleep? Is there somethin' stoppin' you?" Lou nodded, sucking in a sob. "What is it? Maybe we can help."

His chest still rose up and down erratically, "...Ight...ares."

Moxy understood immediately, "Nightmares?" Her heart sunk when Lou nodded. The gang exchanged looks. Moxy remembered the times her kid, Maizy, would have nightmares at night. She would stay with the girl overnight instead of going back to Imperfection. Maybe that's what Lou needed. Someone to stay with him. All those nights alone in the shed...not to count all the years in the Institute. It had to have done something detrimental to his sleep routine.

"I'll stay with you, how about that?" Moxy offered softly.

He didn't respond right away and she half expected him to not answer at all as she adjusted herself beside him. "...Ank...Oo."

She smiled, wrapping an arm around him. "I'll stop by Wage's," Lucky Bat piped up, "he'll need to eat something when he wakes up."

Ox nodded in thanks and turned to Mandy, "Thank you for bringin' him here. You can go now if you want."

She shook her head, "I'll stay." Gingerly, she sat on Lou's other side, back resting against the headboard. "Something tells me he'll need all the help he can get."

"Thank ya'll," Ox felt more of that weight lifting off his shoulders. He looked down at the blonde whose eyes had grown too heavy for him to keep open. He carefully took the rag off Lou's head, "I'll resoak this."

After a few minutes, he walked back into the room. He stopped short and a wide smile crossed his face. Lou was definitely sound asleep now and without a nightmare. He was turned on his side, arms wrapped securely around Moxy with his face buried in the top of her head. She smiled at Ox when he walked up to the side of the bed. Mandy had laid out fully on the bed and wrapped her arms around Lou from behind. The Pretty Doll was out like a light along with Lou.

Ox just opted for turning the fan on a higher level and sat the rag down on Moxy's desk. "Ox," Moxy whispered, "Could you get the blanket in my closet?"

The bunny retrieved a soft grey throw blanket and draped it over the three. He patted Lou's leg softly, "Let me know when he wakes up." She nodded. Closing the curtains, he closed the door behind them.

[sleptwithinthesun]

this was. originally supposed to be the secret santa fic but i focused way too much on plot rather than the snz and ended up scrapping it. however i did still finish it (for some reason) so HERE is ~2.0K words of sick b/uck and exasperated e/ddie from the show 9/1/1!!

In hindsight, Eddie probably should have noticed it earlier.

The week's been almost nonstop, though, with the three inches of snow that hit LA driving everyone absolutely nuts. If there's anything Eddie knows about living in Texas, it's that people who aren't used to snow will lose their minds over nothing more than an inch, and clearly, the rest of the station is used to it as well. Every time the alarm goes off, Hen and Chim exchange looks with each other, sigh, and shake their heads. Bobby's the only one who actually seems excited about the snow, and Buck's been meeting every call with quiet determination. It's odd, considering that he's normally the human equivalent of a golden retriever, but none of the others have really questioned it. Winter is a hard season for a lot of people, and although Eddie's been at the station for almost four years, he's still not quite sure what baggage they all carry.

Still, he pulls Hen aside as they're heading back to the truck after wrapping up a call. "Hey, is Buck alright?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't he be?" she asks, brows furrowing. "Did he say something to you, or did something happen?"

"No, he's just been quiet. It's not like him." Eddie glances back toward him as Bobby wraps up the call, Chim loading their patient into the back of the ambulance.

Hen sighs, mostly in relief that Buck's entire life isn't about to go crashing down on top of him once again. "Yeah, I noticed that. I've been meaning to talk to him, but we've just been—"

"—busy," Eddie finishes, nodding. "I'll talk to him after the shift ends, try to take him home with me, if I can." It's well-known that Buck enjoys Eddie's house more than his own loft, likely because it's actually personalized and comfortable instead of being under lease and therefore impossible to make feel like home.

Hen smiles at him. "Take care of him, alright?"

He grins back. "Always."

-

Buck sighs in relief as he sinks into Eddie's couch, tipping his head back like it's a genuinely comfortable piece of furniture. "Do you need me to cook dinner tonight?" he asks regardless, closing his eyes for just a moment.

"No, I was just thinking we could order something, if you're alright with that. Chris is with Pepa tonight, so we don't have to worry about his food opinions," says Eddie, looking up from one of the various food delivery apps on his phone and smiling at his friend amusedly. "You look beat, man."

He groans. "Yeah. Dunno why I'm so tired lately; 's probably because I've been sleeping weird, but I haven't changed anything."

Eddie frowns to himself, concern only growing further. The absolute chaos of their last three hours on shift haven't distracted him from his purpose in inviting Buck over tonight, and he has until 8:30 tomorrow morning to pry the issue out of him. "You feeling alright?"

"Eh," Buck says, wiggling a hand back and forth. "It's fine. I've got it under control."

And that statement sends alarm jolting up Eddie's spine, and he's back in the living room before the other man can even inhale. "Buck, what's wrong?" he breathes, eyes sweeping over his figure as if he can assess the damage himself, despite the fact that he hasn't noticed anything yet, how could he have missed it, whatever it is—

"Eds, relax," Buck says nonchalantly, even a bit sheepishly. "It's just my leg, the cold always makes it hurt a bit more since the accident. That's all it is, I promise." The smile he gives Eddie after that is so innocent, so eager to reassure, that he almost finds himself believing Buck.

That is, until he remembers the way Buck staunchly refuses to talk about his own problems unless he's trying to convince himself that they're not that big of a deal. It always backfires, of course, because the 118 always ends up completely horrified by whatever it is he's sharing with them, but the fact that he's trying to play this off either means that he's about to be in a lot of trouble, or that he's actually unconcerned with the whole issue. Which, considering the ordeal of his recovery period and the blood clots, is unlikely.

And Eddie just stares at the other man, incredulous, until he asks, "What?" just a bit too defensively, and Eddie snaps out of his shock.

"It's not cramping or anything, is it? It's just pain?" he asks.

"Just pain," Buck confirms, and it does little to settle Eddie. "Please don't worry about it; it's happened every year since. I'm used to it."

Yeah. That really doesn't do anything to make Eddie feel any better about the whole thing.

Still, Buck's giving him that puppy-eyed look again, the one that Christopher always gives him, and they still have food to order if they want to eat tonight, and really, pain is to be expected. Buck's leg was crushed under a ladder truck; it's a miracle he's even been able to continue with his job, after everything.

He does his best to shrug it off. Buck would tell him if anything was seriously wrong, wouldn't he?

Wouldn't he?

-

It's when he wakes up in the morning that he realizes the answer to his earlier question is no, absolutely not.

The thing is, his couch is terrible. Buck complains about it every other time he's over at Eddie's house, and even Chris is starting to get on his case about how uncomfortable the damn thing is. Eddie's been meaning to get rid of it, but, well, he's been busy. It's really a nonissue, so he's been putting off dealing with it.

(And if having a terrible couch means that he gets Buck, who always runs just shy of uncomfortably warm and practically acts as a personal space heater, albeit cuddly and octopus-like in his sleep, Eddie really doesn't see the point in getting a new one.)

But instead of waking up with the soft warmth of Buck tucked in around him, chin tucked into his chest and snoring quietly, Eddie wakes up to Buck tucked in around him, chin tucked into his chest and snoring loudly.

Well. That's new.

But also, not really. This is the same way Buck gets in the middle of the spring, when all of the plants really start kicking up pollen and the Zyrtec he takes isn't quite enough. It's a sign his allergies are acting up, which isn't a possibility, not in the middle of winter.

"Buck?" Eddie whispers, shifting slightly and watching as Buck's head dips, then shoots up as he makes it to consciousness. "Hey."

"Mordig," Buck says, then shakes his head in dismay. "Aw, fugck."

"You alright?" he asks.

Buck shrugs. "I didnd't thingk I was getting sigck," he explains, sighing into his hands when he brings them up to his face. His voice is muffled when he speaks again, rough and anxious. "And I probably jusdt godt you sigck, too."

"You can try your best," Eddie says, then laughs when Buck does a neat little double take. "Immune system of steel, man. I haven't been sick in almost six years."

"You have a child?"

Eddie can't stop the grin from spreading across his face. "I'm pretty sure that's how I managed to avoid getting sick in the first place," he explains, and Buck only shakes his head in disbelief. "Let me call Bobby and tell him we're not coming in today, hang on."

"You dond't need to tagke the day off," Buck complains, twisting in protest amongst the covers while Eddie fumbles for his phone. "Eddie!"

"Buck!" he mimics, unlocking it and switching to Bobby's contact. "It's fine, Bobby can just swap in Shiv and Alazo from C-shift."

Buck only whines wordlessly and flops back into his bed, and Eddie laughs as he waits for Bobby to pick up the call.

-

"You're a terrible sick person, you know that?"

"So I've been told," Buck says, not looking up from loading the dishwasher. "Don't worry, I've restricted myself. I'm not actually touching anything clean."

"That's not what I'm worried about," Eddie says, rolling his eyes. "Why are you even standing right now? I thought I told you to lie down on the couch."

Buck scoffs, then turns to cough into his shoulder. "Your couch sucks, Eds. It's like lying on bricks covered by a blanket."

"Which you've said, multiple times."

Buck pauses at that, hands stilling in the sink. "Did I?"

Eddie sighs heavily. "Go back to sleep, Buck."

His shoulders slump, and he nods resignedly, even as he puts another plate in the bottom rack. "I can't."

"Restless energy?"

"Yeah." Buck rocks back on his heels sheepishly, glancing up at Eddie. "I don't know. I just need to keep moving."

Eddie gives him a close-lipped smile, then leans in so that their shoulders are touching, and Buck lets his head rest against Eddie's collarbone. "Tell you what," he proposes. "You go back to bed and try to rest for fifteen minutes. If you're not asleep by then, I'll figure something out, but if you are, I'm not going to wake you up."

"What, are you just trying to get rid of me?" Buck huffs amusedly, turning on his heel and beelining for Eddie's bedroom. "See you in fifteen minutes, Eds."

"We'll see," he calls back, laughing silently to himself as Buck pouts. Sure, Buck is stubborn, but he's also sick, and if there's anything that will knock him down, it'll be some ridiculously mild inconvenience that really shouldn't have the impact that it does.

Sure enough, when he checks in on Buck again, he's completely dead to the world.

-

Buck's face is buried in his elbow as they sit on the couch later, and Eddie's doing his best to soothe him through the fit of sneezing as he watches with increasing concern. In front of them, an episode of Community is paused, the screen glowing brightly.

"You alright?" Eddie murmurs, handing Buck the box of tissues when he finally looks up again. His eyes are shiny with irritated tears, and he seems more annoyed than anything.

"Fide," he murmurs, carefully grabbing two tissues and folding them before blowing his nose. "Ugh, I feel fucki'g gross."

"Yeah, that's kind of how being sick works." He laughs when Buck groans and slumps further into the couch. "Don't worry, you'll be over it in a couple of days, and then you'll be able to go back to the firehouse. Not that I don't love having you around, of course, but man are you a nightmare when you're sick."

Buck laughs tiredly, nodding in agreement. "Yeah, that's fair," he says before he twists away to sneeze again, shaking against Eddie's ribs. "Sorry."

"Salud," Eddie says, and unpauses the episode so they can continue watching. Buck's the one who introduced him to the show Community in the first place, and he's the kind of person who likes watching a show he knows with other people to see their reactions, so Eddie's been waiting to watch it until Buck is with him. It's gone pretty well so far, but it's rare they have enough time together without Chris to actually get through a ful episode, so Eddie's grateful for today's opportunity, although it did come at the price of Buck's health.

He finds his fingers carding absently through Buck's hair about halfway through the episode, the action having gone unnoticed by the both of them until Eddie's fingers snag in a random knot. Then, they both freeze, and refuse to acknowledge the other until Eddie continues, and goes back to playing with Buck's curls while the younger firefighter relaxes gradually into his touch.

All in all, it's a pretty good day.

[tomyo]

Themes in Across the Spiderverse

I just got back and it's time for brain garbled dumb

Okay so, narrative structures. We have a few going on in this, the three act structure through the 

lens of a standalone movie, the structure of it being a two parter, the structure of it being a sequel in a trilogy, and the meta narrative. 

The biggest question the movie has us sit on is who is going to die? There are a lot of answers and multiple answers to that through the structure that Miguel tells Miles. It's his father. It's his uncle. It's Gwen. All of these are people who are supposed to die in Spiderman's lives according to him. It's something that all the spidermans thus far believe in. Here's the thing though, grief makes you try to find a higher meaning in things. We often try to explain away why things have to be the way they have to be or how they have to go to justify our own emotions around the chaos of the world. But humanity is not as simple as a story.

The irony in this is there's a lot you can read into things by the structures I listed above. We basically stopped at act two in a bigger movie and we can break away a lot of themes the story is trying to convey to us. Miles was just a kid in the first act, now he is not but everyone is still treating him like it. Miles didn't believe he was ready to be spiderman and now that he is, people are telling him he isn't spiderman in the right way. And much like how Kingpin was unable to accept the loss of his family, Miguel is doing the same but to a much bigger scale. And we watch a lot of characters in this movie try to outrun their personal baggage. 

Before we get to that, let's go back to Miles.

Miles has so many potentials. He is "not even a real spiderman" according to everyone, something my friend pointed out contradicted the original narrative that anyone can be spiderman. There's a lot of ways that statement can be taken. Miles is not like the other spidermen, his spider came from a different universe, his original spiderman died, he has his parents, both his father and uncle were his mentor figures and he is the best of the both of them. Most of all, is the way Miles and Gwen contrast with their police captain fathers. Gwen, much like most spidermen, doesn't build a relationship with her father and by extension the local police force. When it's finally revealed she's spiderwoman, her father still tries to arrest her because he fears spiderwoman more than he trusts his daughter. And she runs away. A lot of the issues for people unfurl because they run away from the conversation. Miles has already escaped that, his parents love him but he has also been trying to build a relationship with his father as spiderman. There's difficulty to that but Davis has some trust in Spiderman. I don't doubt there would be drama in a reveal but Davis would not be afraid of Miles.

Gwen plays foil to Miles this time instead of Peter. Gwen is struggling to deal with her emotions and her role as spiderwoman. She still pushes everyone else out of her life since meeting Miles. When her dad threatens her, she runs from it. When she secretly goes to meet Miles, she avoids explaining anything to him. When she went off to join the spider society, she dealt with the trauma by seeking purpose in the society’s beliefs and likely used the knowledge her father will have to die as a reason to further her avoidance of him. When she visits Miles, she’s also energetic and somewhat manic trying to suppress her more real emotions that she had missed him as well while knowing a lot of the issues that come with their reunion. Ironically, it's all this avoidance that leads to a lot of future issues. Because Miles knows she is lying to him (much in the same way his parents know he’s lying to them), it makes him worry more and follows her which leads to him jumping through the portal and causing a canon event not to occur which then leads to him learning his dad is going to die. The dramatic irony is all of that could have been avoided multiple times if she didn’t leave her father behind, if she didn’t refuse to tell Miles anything, or if she had said the Mumbattan police captain was supposed to die. 

Ah yeah, that death stuff. Across teases a lot the idea of all these characters who are supposed to die. Gwen laments most Gwens don’t have happy endings and police captains are expected to die. And we see echoes of these roles played out in small ways, both falling on their backs in a lot of imagery, Davis starts making a bunch of “I’ll always be here for you” speeches, and we watch Pavitr nearly lose both of his if Miles wasn’t there. There’s a lot of ‘roles’ people are supposed to play but humans aren’t meant to be roles. The big bad thus far came to be because of the idea there’s a role to be played. The Spot, no longer fitting in with the regular societal structure, tries to take his place as an arch nemesis is the sense of a superhero structure and it doesn’t make that much sense. Kingpin had a reason to do what he did, he was doing something bad to retrieve his family. Doctor Octavia was doing bad for the sake of scientific progression. The Spot? He’s doing it because it’s what he thinks he should be doing. It’s only the moment that Miles tells him he’s just “a villain of the week” that he has any real motivation for what he’s doing. We also see this with some of the new characters like Hobbie who we are being led to see as some kinda pretentious and douchey romantic rival for Miles who we will have friction with while ironically he’s the quickest to support Miles, telling him a better way to use his power and pilfering equipment to make into new traveling devices. Ganke also does not live up to the sidekick role, instead becoming a useless roommate who just happens to know Miles is spiderman, even quipping helping him would just drag him into the tech guy role.

Then we get to Miguel’s rigid mentality. He believes the spiderman canon too deeply that it blinds him and the others in a lot of ways but he contradicts himself. Spiderman loses his universe’s chief but Miles also isn’t supposed to be spiderman. Which is it then for Miles? If according to Miguel, his universe’s spiderman is already gone then why is it expected that Davis dying is a canon event? Couldn’t it be that Peter Parker already went through that? If there are predetermined destinies for spidermen then why is it that Miles is an anomaly when a spider being transported to his world could be something predetermined? 

Let’s talk about cakes now.

Miles goes to his college prep appointment saying something important “You can have your cake and eat it too if you make two cakes.” When you think out of the box you get your desired solution. Revealing his identity is something the society seems against, believing that they need to be loners, they need to makes sacrifices, but it’s because they refuse to look beyond that. Miles is the first spiderman however to have to be spiderman beyond spiderman. Where everyone else was always ever the one spiderman before the society, he already has a legacy to live beyond, he already knows who he is if he is not spiderman and he doesn’t have to be alone like the others are (even as a group they tend to function in somewhat of a mentality that they are also all the same). We see some of those changes he’s made like showing Peter B Parker that he could live his happy life with Mary Jane and he does. He reconciled and had a kid. When Gwen gets sent back, she’s able to change her dad’s future because she was compelled to properly talk to him this time after witnessing Miles’s determination for his own family. She broke the cycle.  That phrase “You can have your cake and eat it if you make two.” is subliminally used throughout the whole movie. Miles brings his dad two cakes for his celebration and he promises to his mother to bring a non messed up cake with him next time. And we know that intent also includes telling his parents his identity.

Miles Morales is the best of both his father and his uncle, he was never supposed to be spiderman but he is, Miles can have his cake and eat it too.

I ran out of steam trying to remember a lot of the elements that are in this movie because there’s just too much. I want to talk about the prowler and theories on that, I wanted to point out a segment on how “You’re not supposed to be spiderman” was definitely a meta narrative on racist comic book fans, how the story is pointing that Miles’s family needs to let him go free, how being on time (particularly for his father) is a strong theme, I wanted to go in more on Miguel clearly trying to create canon as a way to deal with trauma and how I don’t think there with be a redemption necessarily seeing how far we are into the story structures and he’s sternly stuck in his mentality, the literally metaphors of being a vampire/monster suggest, and like, I could even go into the extremely stylized scene compositions especially when its about Gwen’s story but I just suddenly lost all my steam.