#dont tell people that you don't think they can do things

[cassi-pokeblogging-hub]

Saying No

Okay so a conversation in a discord server inspired me to make this.

You guys can say no to things. You do not always have to "Yes And" everything that comes to you.

Like. Usually when we talk about rping, we talk about saying yes and. continuing on the scene, not shutting interaction down. We're pretty lucky with how this rp stuff works where in character denying and saying no CAN work a lot better than in standard improv without fully stopping the scene and kinda shutting it down, but that's not what I'm talking about.

I've seen a lot of people who kinda. Accidentally start god modding or kinda burst their way into plotlines without asking and like. This is public rp! Anyone can join! But there is a certain degree where you gotta stop first and ask or just not say it.

But sometimes people do not think first and just do. Maybe sending a magic anon that solves all of your oc's problems. Maybe they have dimension hopping powers and are like "Don't worry! I've come to your reality and I can help you get away from your problems instantly!", maybe your character really wants a mega stone and you have plans to have a whole thing about them working to get this mega stone and learning to mega evolving their partner and then someone mystery gifts or pelipper mails the item to you immediatly.

You don't have to "Yes, and" that. You can just say "No, you didn't do that". You are allowed to say no when someone crosses your boundaries and is affecting your plot.

Is someone trying to involve you in their plot without asking? "That is not happening in my character's universe" Is someone trying to say they're just there at a crucial event with your character when they never asked? "Your character is not able to be there. Please delete that post".

Yes And only goes so far. There is a time and a place where you will need to say No, and that is just as important to RP as going with the flow! If someone's fucking with your plot, its your job to tell them to stop. People can get involved, sure, but sometimes people try and get way more involved than what you're comfortable and its okay to tell them to back off.

I've also seen people feel that stuff like Muse Mixup Madness or Pelipper Mail are mandatory things they HAVE to do? You don't! You don't need to do anything even if others are! So I guess this is your reminder that you can ignore pelipper mail and magic anons and just asks in general that you dont like! you can turn pelipper mail and magic anons off completely! you can ignore peoples replies to your posts if they fuck with what you have going on. you can tell people they did not do things that would fuck with your characters and story. you can just not do muse mixup madness when it rolls around. you can just not do follower special events. you don't have to participate in anything you dont want, and you dont have to allow people to do whatever even if it makes you uncomfortable.

Other people can do what they want, but you have a right to say no when they try to involve you.

[unhinged-waterlilly]

Hello!

Something about @/demigod-jack-hearth

Something I wanna say about this post (with my reblog on it). I wanna give a side of a story. Mine to be exact.

They were one of the first people I talked to outside of rp. They were a close friend. But that fades.

I DONT WANT THEM TAGGED IN THIS I DONT WANT THEM TO KNOW ABOUT THIS. I HAVE THEM BLOCKED. IF THEY LEARN ABOUT THIS, IT IS BECAUSE SOMEONE SEND THIS TO THEM.

Tw: sa, strong language, I'm a little bitch, please please please read at your own risk

When start this by saying Jack worries me. I've seen so many post, rp or otherwise, where they bring up extremely triggering comments...just randomly. This has happened to me too. I don't get bothered by them I've been lucky enough to not deal with most and be comfortable with what I have dealt with. I think he needs professional help. Or to talk to someone that is an adult. This is difficult for some people. But there are free therapy websites out there. I have seen them. I have participated in them. The people on the other line aren't professionals but they are people willing to listen. And adults.

It started with when I saw an rp they had with camp Sky. I can't give screenshots of that but I do have some of confronting them.

Now all good right? Yeah! I thought so too. Untill an anon confronts em.

Posts here and here

Oh...kay? What's wrong about this?

Yeah...

Actively calling out anon

Now mind me I thought they had buried this au deep deep into the ground. Wasn't until I opened Circe's blog that I realised they didn't. I was pissed. I had every reason to be. We have so few stories of male victims as it is and this 'au' was blatantly disrespectful to victims of all genders. I felt really fucking disrespected that's for sure.

Unfortunately I don't confront them. But I do vent.

Now I feel bad for this. Maybe this was dirty laundry I shouldn't have aired out. But I was just so angry I couldn't think properly. I didn't mention Jack in this post, but friends figured it out. I won't say who these friends are for obvious reasons. Also, this is a bit wrong. They thought Odysseus cheated with only Circe, and Calyspo was SA. I got that wrong, and I admit it. I only remembered that when I scrolled up our dm to take a screenshot of it.

Now I wanted to leave that convo because I wasn't in the mood for arguing, and I've learned to give people what they want, which makes em and yourself stop. My fault again.

Things happen. It leads to the apology. Now, obviously, I can't tell if an apology is genuine through a screen, and I am most certainly a pessimist. So, like, I don't think it is. Also, I'm almost certain that most was written by whoever the friend was who 'helped' em.

Sure, people can change, but not enough times do they actually. Just look on the Internet. And real life. A person like Jack, well, they've talked to me enough to know it is most likely not the case. If they were so angry at a piece of good criticism, then I don't have much hope.

Am I an angry person ? Yes. Do I think I have the right to be? Yes. Am I also a logical person? I believe so. The people I've asked think so, too. I don't dislike something for no reason. But I do dislike things. What I do like is reasons for my dislikes. With me so far?

Good. Moving on.

After the apology and after I finally got my thoughts in order, I sent them a message because they tagged me. A lot.

This is what I sent. It's emotional, but in my opinion, it also makes sense. I was mad they lied to me. I was mad they twisted the story so. Fucking. Much. Odysseus isn't a rapist and Circe isn't an innocent flower. That is not what an AU is. What was their reaction to this? Nothing. To me at least.

A mutual friend told me they sent the last half of my messages and told them that they were angry I. Didn't. Thank. Them. For. The. Apology. Take that for what you will.

Now they made another post replying to the first anon who criticized them. I've read it. And when I tell you it is so fulled with self-pity-

I haven't collected my thoughts properly about this so this is bad and more emotion than the above. but this is the basic things behind it.

1) never directly addressing what he did and constantly tell em to read the apology. Don't wanna repeat yourself. How much time is it gonna take out of your day exactly?

2) not acknowledging the fact the male sa victim. At all. They don't say anything about it. No 'my condolences'. No 'I'm so sorry that happened to you' . Not acknowledging how terrible of a thing that is. At all.

3)says they aren't gonna defend themself... and defend themselves

4) have yet to tell us who these people are. Which is just bad cuz there are people out there who are okay with this. If they were IRL friends just say that.

5) it felt just fucking dull

Maybe this isn't right. Maybe you disagree with these points. But do not tell me you disagree with the rest.

I wanna end this by saying I am victim of SA. Did I tell him this? No. Maybe I should've. I don't feel comfortable sharing it. Because remembring fucking hurts. Remembering means crying and opening the lights and either sitting or laying down on my back because I can still. Fucking. Feel. It. And I was nine.

I don't want your pity on this. I don't want you to say sorry. The people you should be saying sorry to are the people who are not believed when this happens. Feel sorry for the people who cannot report this stuff because they don't trust the people who are supposed to protect them. Feel sorry for the people who think it was their fault and they actually wanted it when they didn't. 63% of rape are not reported in females. Only 12% of child rapes are reported.

I can't find a clear fucking statistics on males.

Do you know how difficult it is for males to have any representation at all? How many male victims do you see online? Even Odysseus being regonized as one is recent. Fucking. Stop. This is more than a made up story. It means the world to some people. So this actually happen. It might mean everything. This was taken away from them from so many retellings. And a stupid fucking au.

If you want to talk about SA, wanna make a character out of it, learn about it first.

So I'm not going to forgive and I am definitely not going to forget. You can. If you want. I don't care if you do. But I ask you not to forget. Please.

I am tagging Jack's taglist

@zariahthewitch @thegroovydaughterofhestia @if-chaos-was-a-boy @the-gods-strange-children @silena-daughterofaphrodite @fabulousdaughterofhecate @weakest-son-of-sun @chaos-pers0nified @neoptolemus-achilles-son @bast-the-best26 @goddess-of-bubblegum @hispanic-child-of-hermes @gaygirldoodles @luck-is-crucial @reyna4ever @vicious-daughter-of-zeus @feral-hermes-child @oopsies-i-did-a-thing @unfortunate-daughter-of-hestia @that-girl-cupid @ariathemortal @love-lightning-forethought @emdabitchass @kaiaalwayswins @champion-of-revenge @zoe-aura-of-d3ath @itsyourboyezra @lunar-eklipso-r @pink-koi-lovejoy @that-daughter-of-athena @sleepy-as-a-song @smileyalater @gellyhelio @daughter-ofthe-moontitan @demeters-daughter-is-done @the-smart-and-the-dumb-one @trinket-snatcher @creature-under-ur-bed @burnt-out-bitxhes @cloak-of-ares @heraaaaaaaa @unproblematic-hestia @i-was-never-sane

[erabu-san]

You are literally French. What would you know about any of this, an issue and drama stirred up by anericans.

Blackwashing exists and is used by bigots that hate white people. Its used to erase the ethnicity of asians just because people dont think they are "poc enough" because of their pale skin. Its used to demonize people with pale skin because its becoming more and more the norm to view anyone with pale skin as evil. That anyone who is "too pale" isnt enough or a human being.

They arent real people, and their skintones are fine as is. You wouldnt go up to, for example an albino or mixed race black/poc person and tell them they arent "dark enough". They dont even need to be special like that to be pale. Some just are pale.

Whether you think there should be more characters that are dark or not is not the issue. Its that you think they wouldnt be/arent good enough as is with pale skin that shows how much of a bigot you are.

Blackwashing is not the progressive act you think it is. Its obvious that your only experience with it is through genshin drama. You obviously know nothing about how much red haired pale characters & asian ones are substituted with black characters. How characters are simply replaced in the name of "diversity". How this forced inclusivity and diversity is just bigots trying to "get revenge" on the white people they hate so much, and to tick off DEI boxes on their little bigoted checklist.

You tell me to educate myself but its actually YOU who needs to be educated.

Many are complaining about sumeru and natlan characters with names similar to gods in cultures of our world that are pale when their inspiration is dark skinned. Claiming they want representation and for it to be accurate, to reflect our world on a 1-1 scale.

Yet these same people will make xiao, zhongli, Ei, and many more asian characters darker " because asians can be dark skinned too". Yet so can mostly dark skinned races be pale.

So why cant you (gen) respect such characters, who are gods and divine beings based on a culture where pale is more beautiful, and gods of such cultures are pale?

There is hypocrisy in everything to do with blackwashing. Its okay when its done to pale characters because in real life black people have been oppressed? But these characters are not real, nor are they a reflection of our reality, as far as we have seen they dont even have racism in this fictional world.

It is one thing to explore a character like with the recent hatsune miku trend, atleast there most people arent going at each other's throats saying black miku is better than japanese miku(as far as i have seen)

Seriously how can you even begin to justify this. And who ever told you that dark skinned characters "scare white people" is an absolute fucking liar trying to justify their own bigotry towards white people.

No black washing IS just as disgusting as whitewashing. Neither should exist, and you shouldn't feed into the stupid circle jerk of bigotry that both of them are.

Aaaah that's what I like ! Yes ! Thank you for telling me your opinion, explaining what is wrong. I absolutely love to learn, and I prefer to read this long text calling me ignorant and explaining why that just a simple text of you saying you are annoyed by a fanart.

Thank you for telling me ! First yes I am french, and indeed my culture has more an european pov. But again, I also grow up as a minority "race" with my parents culture !🙏 in france, i don't look like a french. Well. Still I am aware that it doesn't remove anything from what I said

And I totally agree with you, some are just pale !! It just happens I draw Kinich black because I like it like this. Is Kinich true inspiration are actually pale ? Tell me more, I wish to learn !!

Tbh when you talk abt gods being pale is beautiful, I thought about Nahida. I did research when she were out and yes, I do agree, there is character who are fine as they are.

And because I live in France I also see "dark skin scare white" as a true fact. It happens and it is harmful. 🧍 not only in France tho, in country where pale skin is portrayed as beautiful, people who have tan skin are less represented even if it is the majority. I suppose the contrary happens too !!

"Character are not real" and yet you are annoyed, I guess it is the action of "blackwash" that make you mad, more than "a fictional character w diffent skin tone" tho! My opinion is fiction does affect real world, as do real life affects fiction, and this is something I won't debate on

"They don't have racism in this fictional world" sorry but it does in Sumeru. 🙏 about this one npc she is reject by forest and desert because of them being mixed, desert not being access to book and even Cyno said his scholarship was complicated because he is from desert

If you wish to continue, please send me DM with arguments. I don't know if I would change my mind of not drawing Kinich pale, but I am super interested about what you have to say !! 👍👍

[outrunningthedark]

I dont think he needs to come out defending Lou - Lou can handle himself he’s a grown man and has taken ( I think at least) the best course of action (stay silent until the season starts back up again). However I do have a lot of mutuals who are queer men who feel little hurt by the lack of acknowledgement for this queer relationship. Like getting excited that your favourite show has a relationship that you feel represented (just like with Michael and David) only to have silence from the social media team and the actors (well we clearly know why Lou is currently silent -when he was active he did talk Beautifully about them) can be hurtful. I don’t know if this makes any sense at all. But I did find it a bit odd ( and this is not me assuming malicious intent - I like to give the benefit of the doubt) some of the patterns I’ve seen. At the end of the day everyone is free to do whatever they want - while at the same time fans can feel how they want to feel. I understand both perspectives.

I don’t know if any of this makes sense -it got away from me as I was writing 😂

I know what you're saying, and I agree. I think people are (I assume unintentionally) lumping calling out bad behavior and acknowledging the canon relationship together as the same course of action, but...it's not. (I mean, from what I saw of the reaction to my post there was a lot of hand-waving for why Oliver's "doing the right thing" because fandom is out of control.) I don't think Oliver needs to "defend" Lou or even Tommy as a character. (He didn't defend any of the women on the show until they were gone so why start now, honestly.) But there IS a way to take a stand without even saying anything, isn't there? Post a story. Post a pic. Share a fan edit. Captions not needed. The content would speak for itself. He's not staying silent because he hates the story line - sorry Buddies! - because he definitely knew that if the GA reaction went well BuckTommy was going to continue past those four episodes. He's staying silent because he lets these people behind a screen get in his head and make him feel like he has to walk on eggshells while "interacting with fandom". And listen, we all get it! He's gotta do what he's gotta do to protect his mental health! But you can acknowledge his feelings without dismissing the feelings of the queer fans who are only seeing a guy essentially do a 180 because public pressure is too high. How is he "representing" anybody if he doesn't even celebrate the story he's telling? [There's a quick-fix to all of this, btw. Get a fucking social media manager to do the posting so he doesn't have to see any of this shit with his own eyes if it's gonna drag him down that much.]

[prapaiwife]

Pavel's long message on Twitter for his award yesterday! It's worth the read he's so grateful for everything, and everyone is just so happy for him🥺

Today, boy naret prompaopun has done it successfully na my cat army. i never thought, not even a single bit, that i'd get this popular series actor award 🥹 and in addition pitbabe also got series of the year in the same day 😭 all the tiredness from everything we've done is gone now... ytd when i went to the event, i didn't think i'd get the award, tbh i did prepare a speech for the pitbabe award just in case, but my individual award? i really didn't prepare. i've been seeing you all inviting each other to vote all this while, and i've been seeing the numbers every day ... and every candidate was so superb 😨 and the night before the event i saw, and i thought i'd probably not get it already... so i didn't prepare but all of you surprised me alot, the staff told me after that the votes dropped alot :( i can tell you that i was shocked when the mc said my name into the mic .. at that time, there were a lot of emotions in my head, i was happy, excited, proud of all of you, and scared about what to say... Thus, i want to type it out now bc i won't be able to finish saying all of this...

i want to say that i love you alot pavel's kittens, all of you changed me alot, gave me the courage to do things and believe in myself and gave me the courage to love.... i want to thank you all for having my back from the start, some of you even before pitbabe staying with me for over 5 years .... no matter how long has passed, all of you are my top priority in life. very soon it'll be 1st anniversary of pitbabe the series, i wanna tell you all that i'm very happy and i try my best to make everyone happy. i want us to love each other and in times where we have problems arise that make us uncomfortable, i want us to love each other for a long time na. sometimes people will say that i don't care or something like that... but please dont think that way, i love everyone very much and i want to give happiness to everyone ❤️ no matter if you come to find me at events or support me from home, sometimes i can't do everything for everyone cuz there's too many people :( i want everyone to know that i love you na ❤️ all of you probably know right? that i do my best to produce good work for you all, non-stop and without backing out, i'll do it well whilst being happy and not stressed na ❤️ love you na please stay together like this for a long time na i'll be your strong meow dad and sulky mu na my cat army. no matter what the future will be like, i'll focus on doing my best in the present and i won't make my cat army disappointed na ❤️

Like I have said before,

Live,

Develops,

Enjoy.

PitBabe has ended, but the legacy stays.

But the new legacy will be born, soon.

Stay with me till you can. I’ll continue enjoying my life with you all.

Mumma, I fcking made it.

[pineapple-cheese-bread]

I would like to show something off but first let me say a few things first.

I draw dragons, not people. I use bases for people, no, I don't remember where I got the base from, I did this one my phone while travelling so it's not great and I dont have the energy to make it better and Finally these where to just get my vision down and out of my mind to see if everything worked.

No I present Chimera Divorce Quartet. (There will be context for what brought this along at the end)

We have a Zombie, Gorgon, Vex, Blazeborn Cleo

A Moth, Avian, Merling, Wolf, Breeze Pearl.

A Pufferfish, Mimic, Glare Martyn.

And Finally a Unicorn, Merling, Starborn, Iceolliger (I guess?) Scott.

Now Desgin talk and Context under the cut.

So originally these where for an AU I was making with the Divorce Quartet (Cause I love them so much) where they were used as experiments in splicing together different hybrid traits.

They all grew up in a lab together and watched as each of them became further and further from what they were born as.

Eventually (Like when their in their mid teens) they escape and have to try and live as normal of a life as they possibly can.

They all also had an element which is why there's Blaze, Breeze, Glare and Iceolliger in the mix.

Anyway Desgin talk

Cleo: Cleo was pretty easy, their hair snakes glow faintly and get an almost molten look when she's angry, their stitches glow, and I give her some warmer toned patches. I imagine that though they can't turn people to stone she can freeze people in place with their glare, she's got a higher magic affinity due to the Vex part, they can use their wings to fly but it does require a small bit of magic to do so. Her element is obviously Fire(also, she has a tail cause I just like doing that)

Pearl: The bird I used for Pearl (even if she just has some bird legs so she can perch on things) was the Pulver (the Aussie one) those birds are terrifying and I feel like people she make Pearl Aussie birds more often. I'm not gonna lie most of my thoughts were 'this would be cool' Salmon scaled hands just cause, a wolf tail cause all I can think of is happy Pearl with her tail wagging behind her, Pearl's element was air so she's part breeze I imagine she can shot off the breeze things around her arm.

Martyn: no thoughts pure vibes, I like Pufferfish Martyn, he's covered in spikes and if he gets mad and puffs up he tends to ruin his shirts (also spots cause pufferfish have those) his headband is a part of him with the small amount of Glare he has that's what he got. His element was just nature so Glare it was.

And Finally Scott: Once again No thoughts only vibes, his Stars change colour based on his mood he also has a higher magic affinity, his element was Ice hence the Iceolliger.

Also could you tell this was also gonna be a hero/Villian au?

[roblogging]

Its not that i dont agree because i do but theres bigger conversations to have

I think theres bigger things in the world and your world than the reboot and those are conversations you could be having ie Gaza?

hi anon !!

i am SO glad this has started a conversation !! so fucking glad !! i've seen a lot of people discussing it on tiktok now (a lot of my mutuals too so ily). i'm glad we're talking about it now because as i said in another post here on tumblr (the one where i had 47 trans people reach out to me and tell me about the transphobia they've faced in the fandom) this is bigger than a reboot.

and i do have bigger worries in my world, you're so right. my world is so messy in so many ways.

which is why i discussed how to make This world, the marauders fandom, feel safer and more inclusive. because i don't want to be arguing with my hormone clinic about the prices being raised, as i do every two months when they're raised to try and steer me off of it, and then come home and "relax" in fandom to see people hyping up something that profits jkr. i think that's valid.

i think this is a valid discussion for this space, right? i think the "what about xyz" view of conversations is actually more harmful?? we absolutely can discuss more than one thing at a time but i do also think that the hyping up of a reboot of the franchise on which our fandom is built upon but claims to be entirely against the franchise creator? i think that's a very big discussion that absolutely does need to be had in a queer-based fandom that a lot of trans people engage in.

and because, as stated, we can discuss more than one thing at a time:

here is the link tree that is accessible via my tiktok (and has been for months). here you can find gofundmes for palestinian families that have reached out to me for support, charities for palestine, information on gaza, and resources for congo, sudan, and trans rights (also putting together a lebanon section <3)

here is a link to my "🇵🇸river to the sea🇵🇸" playlist on tiktok . the videos that i have made for palestine are all in there, and they all have resources in the comment sections (such as exchange rates, families to follow and support, and people within the fandom that are offering buddy systems for donations)

here is the link to my public favourites folder full of videos to boost, families to support, informative videos, ways to indirectly support etc.

and if you go to my tiktok here and check the third pinned video, that is for Haneen and her family who still need as much support as we can offer <3 (gofundme here: please be wary of exchange rates !! NOK is a very weak currency, hence why the amount of donations is so high but funding isn't)

i will continue to discuss what i believe strongly in, regardless of how many conversations that takes. there is no limit on support, and there is no end to change, and it is possible to discuss the things that harm us personally, and those that harm others at the same time.

what a silly thing to say i fear

[gracegrove]

Whether you're talking about a fictional character (Billy) or an actual person...

How can you say, "I don't think his abusive, racist, misogynistic behavior would have improved with time--because he didn't see it as a problem. You have to want to change."

How did you know he didn't want to change? Why are you so damn certain he's incapable of change? He's literally only 18 and has the rest of his entire life to change. You think he's honestly gonna sit there and be like, "nah this is fine. I'm set. I like everything just the way it is." And never once contemplate or attempt a change.

Every person attempts change on some level. Not everyone makes big ground shaking changes. Not everyone gets to a point that is satisfactory to others. That's not the point.

When you are around real people and/or work with real people and use this language guess what happens? It makes them feel incapable. It feels undermining. It helps solidify and corner them into a box they may not want to necessarily stay or be in.

I've worked with clients with records. Clients who've said outright sexist and bigoted things in front of me and at times directed towards me. But I continued to work with them. Guess why? Because if I were to leave in that instance, I'd only be proving a point. A single point. That again there's this giant narrative of "no one believes in you", "you clearly don't want help", "you're irredeemable", etc.

You don't kick someone when they're already down and then say, "gosh well, you don't even wanna get back up do you? You have to really want it?" Why should they want it or try harder when they're expecting more people like you to kick them right back to the floor again. Google "labeling theory", it might be helpful.

There's an therapeutic approach called Motivational Interviewing, and its main tenant is that change is facilitated by and comes from the client alone. It helps a client who is already well aware of people around them telling them to change, or societal expectations, or maybe more simply they have considered personally making changes themselves whether it's something like smoking cessation, substance use /harm reduction, emotional management, or wanting to make other behavioral changes but they haven't because they're not sure what such a change would mean or look like in their lives. So they sit on the fence. They become ambivalent.

The only job the therapist has in this is to help the client lay all this out. To discuss it and weigh each side. To examine what making changes or no changes would mean. Ultimately the goal is to help the client reach a state of active change. So that the client can begin new parts of their life and continue moving forward. But if someone isn't ready, then they're not and that's also ok.

If you immediately shut down on a fictional character because their story wasn't insightful enough for you to glean any empathy that they were capable of change, how do you or will you tolerate the overall change process that real people have? Because it's an arduous one. It takes time, it doesn't sprout up overnight. And half of it is because those people themselves were repeatedly told that they couldn't change either.

So stop contributing to the ambivalence or the stagnancy and start contributing to the change.

[icewindandboringhorror]

examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk

[sharkneto]

Hey, sorry if this is a bit of a personal question - and feel free to ignore it if it is - but how did you know you wanted to start hrt? I am someone who IDs as transmasc and knows in an ideal world, I would've loved to have been born a guy. But the idea of going on hormones is terrifying because I can't figure out if I really want it... I worry about regretting it, or it making me 'unappealing' physically, or my friends judging me for it. Did you ever struggle with similar worries?

I think every person thinking about and starting HRT goes through this. A rite of passage, if you will, and also not a bad thing to do. HRT is a big step, some of the changes (especially on T) are irreversible. It's good to think through if it's a choice that's right for you or not.

That said, it's also Just A Thing You Can Do. I first started really questioning my gender at the end of 2020 (thank you, Elliot Page, for coming out and making me go "oh shit, you can do that?"). I got a therapist to talk about gender... Mid 2022? And started hormones spring 2023, top surgery a year later.

Before getting the therapist, I spent over a year Just Thinking About It. And a lot of the thoughts were around the changes on T and if I'd like them or not or if I'd regret them. If I'd be ugly, after being conventionally attractive as a woman.

It hits a point, though, where eventually you have to pull the plug one way or another. I spent a lot of time thinking about how my body would change on T. A Lot. With longing. I caught myself putting things off Until I Knew For Sure and because I didn't want to do it while being perceived as a woman. I was sitting, treading water for a hypothetical Later that I could start moving towards at any time. I was scared for the Teenage Round 2 phase, and didn't want to spend months being "ugly and awkward", but then the months passed anyway and I was still in the same spot.

HRT isn't an all-or-nothing thing, you can ease into it on a low dose. My doctor started me on a low dose and we ramped up over months. Some T changes can start pretty quickly (voice dropping, bottom growth - this isn't true for everyone, but was true for me). If these changes excite you, make you feel good - great! Keep going! If they scare you, feel wrong - stop. Assess. Figure out what about it isn't right (a gender therapist for all of this process is a Huge Help). In early days if you stop T, the changes can revert, for the most part. But you can always stop at any time.

The bigger thing I actively worked to wrap my head around before starting HRT is - Who Cares If You're Wrong? What's right for you now might not be right for you later. The idea of detransitioning was scary to me, society has such a weird spotlight on it, the Right uses people who have detransitioned as props against transition. But it shouldn't matter. At the end of the day, if I do change my mind, I'll know myself better, and I don't think it's wrong to chase and find comfort in your own body.

A year+ on T, I've mostly made it through the ugly duck phase, I think. I was lucky, I didn't get bad acne or get too oily or anything (after having horrible acne in my first puberty). Most of what I dealt with was the chronic baby face, where I was getting read as male but a teenager - I'm almost 30 and a woman wanted to card me over a free T-shirt at a baseball game because it had beer logos on it. After some middle months of changes and going "oh my god what am I doing" and not feeling confident in how this was all going to turn out, I think of myself as relatively attractive and I think I'm just going to get more vain as my beard comes in. Some of that is physical, sure, but I think a significant amount of that is me feeling more confident in myself and liking the body I'm in more. I was never a selfie or picture person, now I am. I joke I'm like a budgie, always looking at myself if there's a reflective surface nearby. I'm more excited to exercise, I'm interested in lifting weights for the first time, I'm curious what my body on T can do and become. Keep your eyes on the pieces that are going well, the changes exciting you, and let the rest catch up.

My social circle helped a lot. I'm very lucky and blessed to have great friends and family, all of whom are supportive. If you don't have friends who are supportive of you, that are judging you for exploring yourself rather than lifting you up for it, it's a sign to expand the social circle and find ones that are. Family is harder, but that's a thing you have to navigate for yourself and find your own boundaries for.

So, there's no ~one moment~ where you're 100% certain that medical transition is right for you. It's a huge unknown and you're changing the body you've had your entire life. At some point, though, you just have to jump and see how it lands. Part of being alive is making mistakes and doing things you might regret.

That said, the regret rate for trans people is something like 3%. The regret rate for knee surgery is something like 20%. Trust yourself.

[kalgalen]

.

[whiskeyswifty]

.

[bedforddanes75]

my issue with terminology discourse isnt that i think everyone's stupid and sensitive it's that literally nobody explains the meanings of things and then get pissy when people dont know what things mean

[beesorcery]

google how do i tell my dad that the reason i keep bringing up elon musk's transphobia isn't that i've got gen z political tunnel vision that makes me blind to his "innovation" in electric cars but because i am desperately crying out for you as the father of a trans child to feel just as outraged and angry as i am that that man has so much power

[piplupod]

objectively a stupid thing to get irritated or upset by, but i really hate when people at the centre try to tell me how lucky i am for the life i live or how good i have it, esp when they tell me they had it sooooo much worse when they were my age. they do not know me. they do not know my life. they have no idea what my situation is.

they see somebody who is exceedingly polite and unerringly kind and shows up in nice clothes most of the time. they see that i draw in a sketchbook. they see that i work on the jigsaw puzzle. they see that i hold the door for people. they see that i greet people and ask people questions about themselves in a way that makes others feel seen and heard and appreciated.

now what the fuck are they getting from that that makes them think they know anything about me or my mental health or life situation!!! if anything they should be curious because I share so little about myself with people, I tend to keep things focused on others because that's safest for me. do they not question why i am at the mental health centre so often if i apparently seem like i have such a great life ????

[thorne1435]

So, PragerU released a, uhm... "Documentary" (their words) about detransitioners and...

I know I probably don't have to say this to anyone following my blog. But, just in case...

Don't give up on your own emotional fulfillment just because you'll never be quite the same as a cis person. That's the enemy talking, they're getting into your head.

Anxiety and self-rejection are normal for most of us, but not permanent. There are moments where you feel like you might never pass or never be accepted and you wanna rush back to the relative safety of whatever a cisgender life had in store for you. But remember: even if those fears were well-founded and true (which they aren't), you were miserable then, and you will be miserable again if you go back. You remember what it was like to be cisgender. It won't be better the second time around.

It's all anxiety spawned from internalized transphobia. It doesn't mean anything about you except that you've been hurt by people who didn't care enough about you to accept you for who you really were. That pain has long-lasting effects, yes, but there are plenty of people to meet in this world, and I guarantee that you can find some who will actually love you.

Don't watch PragerU's documentary. It's just the story of two miserable trans people who gave up because of trauma, abuse, and social pressure. They're not any happier for it. They're probably feeling worse than they did before, realistically speaking. They're just victims, being exploited for a transphobic propaganda campaign. Don't be like them. And don't listen to them, either.