Friends, bookworms, bitter lovers of classic literature’s greatest and most greatly cheated horrors, I have a request to make of you:
Send me the absolute worst film and TV series you know of when it comes to adapting—read: ruining, rewriting, and/or bastardizing beyond the point of recognition—the books of classic horror we know and love.
Give me your fanfictions of a fanfiction-level headaches. Your reincarnated wife plots. Your no-homo’d friends and/or siblings. Your heroes made into sudden assholes, your grating girlbosses full of contemporary wink-at-the-camera edginess, your dull damsels sanded down into corseted props, your monsters alternately stripped of their proper menace or their intelligence in order to fit the Universal Classics mold.
Give me the worst of your slop.
Plague me with your anti-recommendations in their dozens and hundreds.
Why do I make this request? So I can form a list. Ideally with cited sources, though I think we’re all aware that the easiest way to form said list is to just link to Wikipedia. I am at a loss for any known work that faithfully does right by our dusty old monsters and their foes.*
*Incidentally, if anyone has anything they would sincerely recommend to take the edge off, pass those my way too with your review. No need to suggest the Substacks or @re-dracula. They are my sole refuge as-is.
The reason for the list is that I would like to have it as reference material for what I hope can be a decently public-facing open letter to Hollywood as a plea, a curse, and a general shaming for the industry that has refused to actually read, comprehend, and acknowledge the books they continue to harvest for content without ever doing right by the stories, casts, or themes. Their notion of ‘adaptation’ has dissolved entirely into a game of Telephone with the last half a dozen filmmakers who barely skimmed, let alone liked, the books in question.
That said, I have some specific books in mind already, starting with Dracula and The Picture of Dorian Gray. You know why. But others on the roster include Frankenstein, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Carmilla, and The Phantom of the Opera. Let me have the worst of the worst of their movie and television counterparts; that goes double for the ones that have made you full-body cringe at their popularity.*
*It goes without saying that Francis’ fanfiction is at the top of the list. No need to rub more salt in that wound.
My inbox is ready for your worst, friends. Hand over the bile.
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Cotla's orders no brooding everyone
< part 17 - part 19 >
Masterlink
Also me breaking down under the break over Impa in totk
Like okay I had a break down over Lady Impa while writing this story haha, the joys of actually exploring crossover aus and looking up to realize the colossal abyss you've dug yourself in
but like Impa
Baby girl... oh my god
Home girl lost her best friend and her family and her purpose to live all in one fucking night and for 100 years she watches her ward Zelda fighting this fucking monster and she can't do jack shit but wait for Link's ass to wake up but that doesn't mean this woman's gonna let shit go to waist no sir. and like yeah she's old but that's not gonna stop her and NO she is NOT going to use the weird rejuvenating serum that her fucking sister made because she can do it by herself thank you very much! (it's totally not because she'd be the younger sister again plus some sibling angst that's i've been thinking up an)
*cough cough* I mean whaaaaaat?
seriously though sound off in the bottom i found another sad old person to fixate over
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