#dr who would be better more often if it didnt fuck up with that kind of thing. like colonialism etc

[doctorwhoisadhd]

midnight burger is like if doctor who was always well written. and also, usamerican

[lexa-griffins]

Accidental stimulation trope between Alpha Clarke and Omega Lexa

Maybe Clarke goes to the doctor for her physical where Lexa is her nurse/doctor. During her checkup, Lexa brushes against Clarke's crotch and gives her a boner underneath her hospital gown. They're both embarrassed so Lexa offers to help Clarke get rid of it

👀

Clarke has kind of been putting out going to the doctor for her physical for... months now. Its not that Clarke dislikes doctors but frankly having lived with one most of her life, she just doesnt have the patience. However she finally decided to drag her ass to the doctor and get it done.

And then immediately want to leave when her usual doctor isnt in and some doctor Woods is the one to see her.

Clarke's doctor is this older beta who always looks unimpressed with just about anything, constantly reminding Clarke that nothing looks bad but that it could look much better if she had a healthier lifestyle. Its nice, predictable. Always the same old.

As she sits on the medical table playing with her thumbs she hears the door opened and she didnt really expect a hot, 30 something omega to be the one to greet her. She doesnt smile particularly but she isnt rude either, which is already a nice change of pace.

Clarke admits she has to hold her breath anytime she touches her somewhere during the exam. Which does seem to cause some confusion for the doctor who asks her if she caused her any pain and seems to doubt Clarke when she answers no.

Its when Clarke is laying on her back and the doctor is pressing on her stomach that disaster strikes. Clarke's been doing great at not staring at the small hint of cleavege dr woods open coat shows through her shirt, or the way said coat clings to her ass when she bends over to pick anything. Or just how nice and pillowy her lips look and or she wonders how they must look like around-

Oh. Something... something brushed her. In her little alpha special place.

"Oh, sorry."

"Its fine."

It isnt. And she knows the omega knows it isnt. Because horny smells like horny and if the doctor didnt catch the scent, the obvious tent is Clarke's jeans is more than a dead give away.

"Oh." Its all the doctor says when she catches the very obvious boner.

"Oh my god, im so sorry." Clarke wonders is she can just grab her shit and run away. Well, she isnt sure she can run right now. Maybe waddle away?

"Does this happen often with you? Getting erect this fast?"

Jesus fuck "I mean, I guess. Its pretty sensitive most of the time."

The doctor looks very pretty when she's thinking this hard. Christ Griffin.

"May I?" The dr Woods hand go for her zipper and Clarke wonders is this is actually happening.

"Hm. Sure?" Real stellar confident alpha energy there.

Her bone pops out of her pants, standing full mast proudly. Fine day to go commando.

"Do you have hard time making it go soft afterwards?"

"Sometimes. I usually need to... go at it for a bit."

The doctor nods, staring at her dick, "Given your size I'd say is expected, rather impressive."

Weirst mental high five of Clarke's life really. Thats all Clarke expected. The doctor turns away, leaving Clarke on the bed with dick fully out and the alpha is trying to gain the courage to ask if she can put it away. That is until the doctor turns around. Her coat has been discarded on the chair, and her hair is being pulled up in a ponytail. Her blue gloves are also gone.

"It would be of very bad hospitality of me to let you go outside with a boner I provoked in the first place. So I'm just gonna ask to relax and take a deep breath for me, could you do that, Clarke?" The doctor explains and she sits on the small rolling bech right by Clarke's crotch on the bed.

What the fuck is she supposed to do? Say no to the hot doctor who wants to turn her dreaded physical into a damn porno?

"Go ahead?"

Clarke has had some wild ass fantasies. But watching her very very hot doctor grab her dick and lick the tip of her head was definitely not one she thought would come true. And really, all Clarke can do is watch and fucking /feel/.

Because oh is this woman good with her fucking mouth.

"Ah, dr-"

"Lexa."

"Hm?"

"Lexa, my name's Lexa. Might as well have you know my real name." Lexa says with a smirk and Clarke nods. Smoothly, the doctor drops her head again, this time wrapping her lips entirely around Clarke's head.

Damn, what an omega.

Clarke is sure she'll wake up at any time now. But she doesn't. And the doctor keeps on taking more andore of her dick inside of her mouth, up until the point she clearly cant anymore, and her hand comes to stroke the few inches she is unable to keep inside.

She is a fucking professional, Clarke will give her that. Clarke cant recall ever being this ready to cum in so little time.

"Fuck, Lexa, I'm gonna... ah"

Lexa brings her head up, continuing to stroke the base of Clarke's dick, "Go ahead. Id rather you do it in my mouth so its a easier clean up."

Clarke truly wants to say something that makes her sound hot and confident. Instead all she does is nod and moan as Lexa's mouth wraps around her again.

She feels the soft tonguenof the doctor lick her head once more and Clarke cant hold it anymore.

The sight of the woman swallowing her cum without any trouble could make her cum again. And yet, she doesnt feel fully satisfied.

"Is it normal for your knot to form when you arent in rut?"

Oh yeah. That makes sense, "I think I am in rut."

Lexa chuckles and for the first time aince she got here Clarke sees her smile. In her post nut alpha brain. She swear she looks like an angel.

"You are... quite impressive." Coat back on, Lexa sits in her chair typing something on her computer as Clarke sits awkwardly on the chair, dick safe and soft back in her pants, "Very girthy for an alpha your age and height." Theres a pause as if the doctor is trying to collect herself, "you are also very healthy, I no real pointers for you. You may need to drink a little more water. You talked a obout feeling a little cooped up even when you go outside so joining a gym might do you somd good, some alphas tend to find it helps them manage adrenaline. Other than that,"

Clarke watches her scribble something on a small piece of paper and sign a few papers for Clarke's suppressants.

"You're good to go. Your regular doctor should be back in next time you come here. I do hope to see you again tho."

Clarke isnt really sure what to say. Thank you for sucking me off, it was great meeting you?, "yeah you too. And thank you. For... you know..."

Lexa bites her lip, "my pleasure."

Clarke is already in her car when she looks down at the small card Lexa gave her.

Dr Woods. Primary Care.

Underneath theres a number that Clarke assumes to be her professional one scratched out. Next to it, with a hand writting far too pretty for a doctor, is a newer number with a heart beside her.

Guess Lexa isnt expecting to see her again as a patient.

[chemicallady]

Matching

Greg Sanders x Reader!

A/N: Hi everyone! Have you ever noticed that there are not enough Greg Sanders fanfiction in the world? I have looked for some for a while, but nothing. Now, stop complaining and let's have fun togheter, this is my first Greg Sanders x Reader! I hope you will like it! Besos! 

 Couple: Greg Sanders/Female!Reader 

Category: Fluff 

Content Warning: // 

 Summary:  this is the first time Greg tries to find love with an app. Who knows whohe  is gonna meet with a cyber matching?

  ***

Las Vegas, October 5th 2015 

The last month was rough for him. Many things had changed forever. Nick had resigned from the team, Sarah decided to take a break after a big promotion in order to restore her relationship with Grissom, Catherine is back to her position as the leader of the night shift. 

Russell is moving on with his life and Finn is gone. Forever. No matter how much his tried to save her life or they prayed for her, she is gone. 

Greg is not confortable with big changes. For the first time in forever he is feeling like he is flooting. Dr Robbins said that is normal, in a moment like this one, in which he has escaped the death again, to feel this way.

«Maybe you need a fresh new start.»

Everyone is starting something, whatever. Nick is a boss now, Sarah is happy with her ex husband and former director of the lab. Even Hodges is living the moment, with a new girlfriend. 

«He met her on a website», Henry said to Greg during a coffee break. 

He laughted, then he used this information against Hodges. 

«It isnt a website... I am not dating a russian wife!»

Greg smirked, «No more girls interested in your Visa after the italian one?»

«Shut the fuck up, Sanders. Nowdays is normal using dating app. You should try and stop wasting my time!»

****

He didnt download Tinder only because Hodges suggested it. 

Of course.

He decided to try the app only to dimostrate that is a poor life choice. 

But the amounth of time he have spent in looking at girls profiles is already too much to look credible. Furthermore, Lindsay have noticed him swapping girls away and she giggled amused. «You should try to go on a date. Dont tell my mom, but I met a guy once, on Tinder. He was really awsome, but he was a tourist. An advice, always take a loool if she is a resident!»

And he followed her suggestion, making the opposite. Just to have some fun. 

There are many people who only are in Vegas for having fun and even if was cool, meeting girls who only want a one night stand, after three or four date started to make him feel bored. 

He always talk a little about is job, fake interesting in the girl’s plan for her vacation and everything ending in the morning. 

So he decided to try something else. 

A serious date, for once. 

***

He is exploring your profile since the moment you two matched. He is fascinating by your (y/e/c) eyes in the profile picture. You look smart but gentle at the same time. No mention to the fact that even if you are linving in Vegas, you are from (you hometown/nation) and you are a PhD candidate in Archaelogy. 

You dont look like the other girls he met in the last period. You are a student, a really good one. You have a picture in front of Columbia University, which you attended for your MSc and graduated.

So you are not only smart, but really intelligent. 

You have those beautiful (y/h/c) hair and a gentle smile. 

So he picks all his courage and writes you a simple ‘hi’. 

You dont answer immediatly, even if you have read the message. So Greg closes the app with disappointed. Well. It’s proved. You cant find love in one of this app. 

He decides that is far better to start with the awfull pile of documents on the desk, before is too late. Or to early, depends by the point of view. 

*** 

He had finished with paperwork around 7 am and so he decided to go home.

In the moment he enters the living room, he feels so lonely. It’s happening quite often in the last period. He kicks his shoes away and sits on the sofa, taking a deep breath. With his eyes close, he starts to thing about the last serious date and its look like a century ago.

And it was a complete failure.

Everytime he fell for a girl is always the same old story. Firstly, amazing. Then a mess because of his job.

But he doesn't have to change is life only because he feels the emptiness of his house. He has worked so much to achieve this results and now...

Now? What he has? A good position in an horrible schedule shift. An amazing group of team mates - unfortunately Hodges is still working in the materials lab, but who cares- but no social life. No family. He is 40 now and he was looking for a 25 years girl.

So silly.

So stupid.

But what's is even silliest? Losing himself in those throughs instead of sleep. He has his shift starting at 11 pm, but he has the laudary to do. And he need to clean the apartment. Is full of dust.

****

After seven hours sleeping, he feels himself far more positive. It's around 2 pm when he wakes up and start with the laudary. He gets a look on the phone and answer to Morgan under a pic on facebook, than he notices that he has a new notification on Tinder.

He is so surprise when he realises that is you.

-who wrote 'hi' at 4.30 in the morning?-

He blushes a little, thinking about it. It was really early and he hasnt realised it.

-someone who is working at night...?-

The answer is not the best. But you are smart and you bring a good observation.

-like a hooker?-

He laught a little, rising his elbow.

-sorta. But not so well paid.-

Making fun of the hookers is not a good way to start a conversation, but someway, it works. You two share some messages and then you give your phone number to him.

You are free tomorrow for lunch, even if is unusual meeting someone with the sun in the sky, in Vegas.

And he is totaly down.

***

Is strange for you to go on a date with someone you don't know. But it is even strangest go for a lunch date. It's look so formal to you, but the guy in the profile pic looks potentially awsome. You have read from his description that he works for the Clark Country Police Department and this is a hot detail: you have a thing for cops.

You dressed nicely for the lunch inside The Venice's restaurant. Classy choice by the way. But not elegant because is 12 am. You also decide to go easy on your make up, because after this date you have to help in teaching a bacherlo class and you are hoping that you won't have enough time to change, after the meal.

So here we go.

In front of the restaurant.

You look around and see a figure a couple of meters away from you. He is pretty tall and with dark blonde hair. He is also well dressed, better then you, but not formal.

Your glazes meet in the middle of the atrium and you both smile embarrassed. He is the first one to move some steps near to you.

《Hi. You are (y/n)?》

《Yes. And you must be Greg.》

You shake his hand and then catch his invitation to enter in the restaurant first. The waiter reserved you a nice place on the balcony. The cannel is fake, not even similar to the Italian one, but is romantic.

One score for Greg.

《What would you like to eat?》, he asked so politely that you can't help yourself, but smile back.

《I thing I'll go with a sandwich for lunch》

《Nice choice, I am down. Wine?》

《Sorry, but I have a class in the afternoon...》

This time he is smiling. 《Then water for two.》

He is so kind. He decides to drink water because you can't drink wine. This is another score.

After you two have made your orders, it's time for questions.

《Do you usually meet people this way?》, je asks, nicely. Even if there is no accusation in the tune of his voice, you blush a little.

《It's not the first time, but I am still a skeptical, by the way.》

《Why?》

《Because I've met only morons on Tinder. 》 You try your best smile. 《Hope you are not one of them.》

《I share this hope with you》, he jokes. 《I am looking for your verdict at the end of the meal, so.》

You both laught. Is a nice company and the tension is going away.

《So you are a cop?》

《Not exactly. I work for the crime like as a crime scene investigator.》

You looked impressed. 《Sounds amazing but hard at the same time. I am asking to my self you an awsome guy like you is still single.... is for your job?》

This time is Greg the one who blushes. 《Yes is really... It takes most of my time. Someday all of my time.》

《I can relate》, you say. 《I am not cool as you are, I don't save people for live, neither I am good in puzzle but... I work on field so I spend several weeks abroad. Sometimes even a month or two and when I come back...》

《...You have the feeling that everyone is carries on with his life but you are static》 he ends your statement. 《Yes, you can relate, totaly.》

You two share a smile and then he starts to ask you some questiom about your job, your position at the UNLV and stuffs.

In the end, after a sweet fight, he insists to pay the meal, but you put on the table the tips.

《It was really nice 》, you say and he agrees. 《We should do that again. What's your spare night?》

《Monday》 he aswers, immediately 《If my boss wont tell me otherwise.》

《If you are agree, you can see eachother again on Monday, so.》

《It will be amazing.》

Another smile and a little silence. You have no idea of what to do now. Is too soon for a kiss, but an hand shake would be awful. So you decide to come closer to him and kiss his cheek. Is so cute the way he blushes again. Greg is near now and you can feel his breath on your lips. For him, is not too soon. He gently puts a hands on you hip and drag you into a soft kiss.

The best way to end a good date.

****

《So how is she?》

After two weeks dating, Greg decides to tell the guys about you.

Terrible idea.

《She is so nice!》 He starts excited, while Catherine is laught, shaking is head and look at David Philips in the classical 'told ya' way. 《She is beautiful and gentle. She is also tremendously determinate. More than anything, she is so intelligent and her smell is amazing.》

《She can cook?》, Super Dave asks, joking.

《Everything you can say, she can do it. Is incredible. She speaks like five languages and is so sexy in bed.》

《This information is not necessary 》 is Catherine's comment.

But Dave wants to prove a point now. 《....She speaks five languages in bed or it was not correlated?》

《Guys, we are on a crime scene.》

The two boys share a small smile and wait for Russell to be far enough. So Dave asks one last question. 《Are you only fancy her... or maybe you are already in love?》

Greg thinks about it for a couple of second. 《I am already fucked.》

Dave laughs, 《of couse you are.》

[standarrow]

abbacchio essay under the cut because he’s so important to me (god this is so long im sorry i have adhd i hope this is readable<3)

tl;dr being on how i think he healed and handled up until part 5 :”) + thoughts on his relationship to the team

tw!!! for all of the usual things that pertain to his backstory including: [death, alcohol abuse, police, ptsd/depression, etc]

i may be projecting<3 its fine

to start:

im not a fan of the way a lot of people handle handle abbas trauma and illness. the "entering a relationship fixes your problems<3" shit. or the romanticization of depression...i see both a lot, along with utilizing his substance issues as like a catalyst. i dont have to say why that shit isnt ok or healthy.

getting into it (because i want it to be this deep):

there is ... a lot of guilt that he shoulders around the death of his partner. someone he was friends with (and relied on him as a literal partner) died because He fucked up. that person wanted to protect him and died selflessly while he'd broken his own morals and he feels like it should have been him to pay for it. 

but he wasnt. and now he suddenly has two mistakes and blood on his hands. getting fired doesnt even Begin to fix that, so he withdraws because he cant trust himself, cant trust the institution he was already disillusioned from, and imo hes angry that he didnt get punished worse for his own crimes (but cops always get off easy)

bruno finds him in the worst place of his life and gives him a chance to put schedule in his life, to protect even if its not in the way he originally thought he would. he still doesnt trust himself, i do not think he takes to working with a partner easily (what if he fucks up again. he'll get bruno/narancia/fugo killed.) and i think that reflects in why moody blues isnt meant for combat. combat = danger. 

obligatory moody blues being an allegory for his trauma and ptsd surrounding the death of his partner.. constantly haunted by his own mistake and reliving that moment. heavily referencing his wish to redo, to know every detail of that prick he let bribe him that killed his partner, to have Control. because abbacchio isnt really about The Moment -- he's making sure the Moment doesnt have a chance to come to fruition. its nipping it in the bud before the weed can kill. he wants to make sure he can figure out whats going on First and protect. to figure out past events and prevent future danger.

starting to heal:

i’ve done a timeline previously: he graduates high school in 1998, six months for the police academy, 6 months before hes out again.. joins passione in december (rainy season) of 1999, and by december of 2000 (~4 months before part 5) hes like.... well. doing better in terms of his alcoholism. we see abbacchio by part 5 occasionally and seemingly comfortably enjoying a glass or two, which speaks that after some time working hes sort gained some..... confidence in his ability to keep his intake low. 

working for bruno means he cant drink as often or binge as much, hes needed and that structure keeps him in check, its not easy and yes he slips but its about and overall upwards climb because any progress is good progress... he builds a rapport with the team, comes to appreciate brunos role in giving him a chance and some peace of mind, sees himself in fugo, treats narancia like a little brother. relationships with others cant Fix your problems but friendship and structure can help, they can be there when you need it.

hes starting to trust himself more. and his relationship to fugo and nara were as crucial as his one with bruno is.

in purple haze feedback we see that he's been teamed up with fugo, and he knows fugos stand ability very well (see mirror man fight)... they Get each other and abbacchio sees a lot of his anger and distrust at himself in fugo, and easily calms fugo down when he gets upset (see mirror man episode in the car) 

fugo helped him trust himself and others more .. that other people arent Fragile and arent going to die on him every time they get into danger and its not His fault. he relies on fugo and vice versa. the kid is powerful but also a smart tactician and extremely capable. they Get each other and it helps abbacchio trust himself in combat situations and helps calm his paranoia about getting someone killed while working ... and nara is just sunshine. hes an annoying little brother but it helps him retain normalcy. some sense of like. not everything is doom and gloom

his depression and general self? depreciation perhaps doesnt leave him because those kinds of thoughts mould your brain a certain way.. they dont just go away without some work. but perhaps time with bruno helps him start to realise his worth, the way the team appreciates him and his ability. his self consciousness can start to fall away a little bit. i think by the time december of 2000 (a year after his recruitment by my timeline) hes like... a lot more comfortable with the schedule of his life, it helps him get out of bed, gives his brain a structure to latch onto. the responsibility of overseeing the younger ones and helping bruno gives him the sort of hope for this original goal of wanting to protect

@ bruno (in a more romantic sense perhaps + why i think he distrusts giorno so much)

his relationship to bruno isnt fucking “godlike savior<3″ because thats.... needless to say Very unhealthy. 

their relationship doesnt reach a point by where i think Either would even want to enter a relationship until about a year in (~4 months before part 5 begins)... theres a certain uncertainty i think bruno has with wanting to help abbacchio, he respects and cares about the other man and canonically sees him as his senior.. and i think theres a certain wall there that bruno isnt sure he wants to try to knock down, meanwhile abbacchio isnt sure when he built those walls but theyre safe (and what happens if you try to reach out?)

i think they sort of fall into it and its not... planned. its a little impulsive but it feels natural and they help each other because bruno is this comfort to abba, is the reason he has this structure and has made this progress himself and hes not....crediting it all to bruno obviously but bruno did play a Large Role. and bruno is all about little white lies, appearances. Yes hes fine. Dont worry, he has things under control. 

and i think to an extent abbacchio knows of brunos softer spots (as does fugo, bc of the reason he and fugo team up as described in phf is to protect him) but abba doesnt realise to the extent that bruno is .... hiding his real fears. brunos a lot about compartmentalization (hi zippers) and being let into brunos internal... thoughts beyond the occasional worries he mightve shared is a big step for them. bruno buries a lot of his internal problems and worries. he has to. hes got to keep moving, keep working; people rely on him... but abbacchio is the person he doesnt feel like he needs to protect because theyre equals and maybe he can let someone in to shoulder his worries and vice versa. theyre partners.

which is why i think abbacchio initially distrusts giorno so much... its not tht he doesnt trust bruno, but bruno doesnt Tell him about this. he realizes he might not know all brunos fears (specifically @ his distate and hate towards the mafia i made the point about in the bruno isnt evil post where its like.. he Couldntve shared that information, otherwise he would endanger abbacchio)

and it scares him. it freaks him the fuck out because he doesnt understand who this kid is or why bruno trusts him so much but he trusts bruno so he goes with it, even if he doesnt Understand.

anyways thts my TEDtalk ty i love you for reading this if you got here<3

[aprito]

hello <3 since i got these asks at the same time i decided to combine my thoughts on them in this post. yet another annoying sjw essay from yours truly on this blog 

before i get into these i think i need to preface why im like. i guess overly hyperfocused on a certain unproblematic base (same age au / platonic canon) for them and avoid the ped0philic content like the plague lol

tw for pedophilia ment, rape ment if that makes you squicky. ALSO THIS IS LONG AND RAMBLY

as i’ve mentioned a couple times already, ive been into the ship since i was 12, back when it was very very common to not only post untagged (nsfw) canonverse content of the two in writing and in drawing but also non con and the like, so you can imagine how bad my first impression online was. thinking back on it ...as a child i found it disturbing but didnt really register how problematic it really was?? (i know, but i also lived in the middle of nowhere and had no one explain this to me) 

skip to 2014 aka me coming back to naruto at 17ish and i had kinda become hyper aware of the fact that there was an increasing amount of people online who had come forward with explaining how fictional problematic content, mostly pedophilia, had been used to groom them into starting relationships with adullts. it was also a time where a lot of people didnt believe these victims, not registering how common it was for minors to be online friends with adults who had no boundaries and no qualms exposing them such content. not gonna get into my personal life here but i was lucky to not having gone through this myself. like... it kinda was my first time truly realising how fiction can EASILY be used to manipulate others irl (and yes i will not argue this, if you dont think fictional media can form and manipulate people’s opinions on attitudes, countries, cultures and virtues, pick up a book about the effects of propaganda media at least once please) 

i, being young, still liking the dynamic but not really the romance, would point this out here and there in the fandom and get into fights with grown adults in their mid 20s who assumed i automatically hated the ship(s) and tried to restrict their freedom of speech or whatever, heard everything from the “age of consent doesnt exist in naruto” to the “sasori looks like a child what does it matter” despite people clearly playing on him being older and experienced. it made me so upset that people were just consuming all this content uncritically and exposing children to it tbh?? not really just sos but a lot of minor/adult ships in naruto in general. and thats where i sat down and thought, i do not want to be a grown adult talking down to children that point out how unsafe the fandom is. theyre absolutely right in drawing these boundaries and calling out adults who defend the uncritical consumption and creation of this content. i do not want to consume or create content that predators could use to groom minors, and i absolutely do want to let younger people in fandom know that i am respecting their comfort zones and want them to have a safe and fun experience. after all, naruto is not an adult show and i think a lot of people forget that!!!! i am not perfect in that regard but its something that i, at the age of 23, am very passionate about and strive towards to.

and i guess thats where same age au was born for me and i have been sticking to it ever since. 

so finally we can move to the first question 

aside from the fact that we both dont like canon sos, i dont think it would work out even if i wasnt prejudiced to it anyways. in all honesty, 35 year old canon sasori is not a redeemable character to me, given the fact that he’s easily amongst the cruelest villains in naruto (torturing and killing and taxiderming people for his own fun personal gain, never for a goal that served anyone but himself. how do you redeem having over 300 corpses in your backpack that you felt absolutely no remorse for killing). sasori was legit one of the only cruel villains that didnt had someone else pull the strings, which sends a clear message on kishi’s part, who absolutely loves to redeem villains LOL.

being that old, he obviously had already been very manifested in what he believed in, even if it was shakey, to the point where the first crack in that world view (sakura and chiyo protecting each other) immediately had him give up on his life all together. that, in my opinion, is not a man who’s going to know what healthy relationships would look like, regardless of it being romantic or not. 35 year old sasori to me has the same appeal as an expired can of tuna and he’s probably very happy 6 feet under. he’s supposed to be a failed gaara in that sense that he had no one to look out for him and therefore was never going to experience anything but a bad ending in life. its fine that hes dead honestly, it wraps up his short character development the best IMO.

adding to that, seriously, sakura was obviously interested in knowing why he was that way, and called him out for being seriously fucked in the head, but it’s weird to me that people assume she had any interest in actively rehabilitating him, let alone starting a serious romantic relationship with him. sakura who’s not only very, uhm, immature and straight forward when it comes to her romantic viewpoints also, as a big bootlicker, wouldnt soil her standing in the village by starting anything with a disgraced and far too gone criminal like sasori. shipping that version of sasori with sakura intimately is still going to set her up for a huge power imbalance that would be difficult to handle imo, even if she was the one in the fight ultimately exerting her power over him. i would still look at it and think damn she deserves better than having to play therapist for man like that lol.

additionally, even if you ignored all of this, you cant really ignore that sasori had already known her as a child, and that had been his first and most impactful impression of her. i dont think that sasori would look at 35 year old sakura and see her as a grown woman and not the little green girl she was in the fight. plus, you easily fall into predatory comparison territory between the “childish” and “womanly” and i have seen way too often in fic just being boiled down to her now being fuckable. a lot of of ships do this and i would just like to remind yall thats it not normal for adults to want to start relationships with children they have seen grown up or known as a child when they themselves were fully grown adults. therefore, maybe if sakura hadnt met sasori before it would be less of a problem? but that also obviously defeats the point of the dynamic and the reason he died in the first place. so yeah, it sounds kind of doomed especially if you were to make it romantic. 

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE SECOND QUESTION

let me preface this that im not fundamentally against age gaps, even if im not super interested in it. after all, colorblind had a 5 yr age gap (with sakura being 21), even if, say, i wrote similar fics today i probably would make it smaller lol. i think it can be handled well if both parties have enough life experience to deal with it, and the author is cautious of where the age gap starts, i think a 10+ year age gap would be fine in a scenario where the younger party (i guess sakura) was at least 25-27ish, meaning she has completed most of her most formative life stages and probably had been in relationships before, meaning she would be able to handle it without having to fear a huge power imbalance. the older the younger party is the less the age gap is going to matter tbh .TsukiHoshino and AngelOfDeath10 both handle age gaps in their fics really well imo, so i do not mind reading about them.

unfortunately, a lot of people in this fandom think making sakura barely "”””legal””””” (18, not even 20 which is hilarious to me because the source material is obviously japanese) because they both cannot stand her being past her “prime years” of being young fertile and fuckable to much older men as well as thinking a 20 year old is automatically old enough to handle that type of relationship. ive seen a lot of unironic takes that believe it will absolve them of callout posts if they throw around age of consent and “shes 18 now suckers!!!” enough lmfao. absolutely hilarious. aging a minor up without aging the adult down seriously reeks of predatory “cant wait until youre 18″ narratives and thats why i find it similarly disturbing as straight up pedo shipping.

ultimately, sasosaku is and will always be a inherently problematic ship in canon, which is why i think it should always be handled a little more responsibly in fandom spaces, ignoring or outright excusing the main problem factor, which is sasori, isnt going to convince anyone that the dynamic in itself is well written and interesting enough to explore in aus, like giving sasori the redemption most of us wanted him to have by aging him down to a point in time where he was still realistically going to allow being positively influenced, similar to gaara. 

so really, what i think is well handled age gap and how most people handle age gap in the naruto fandom are two different worlds at times lol 

tl;dr

canon shippers have never been anything but gross when i was younger and i didnt wanna be like that, even if youre “smart”enough to differenate, actual creeps dont really care and might use your content to blur the lines, sasori isnt rly redeemable so romantic canonverse realistically wouldnt make much sense and is still iffy, age gaps are fine if they are handled well, but given that the dynamic doesnt really need the age gap to still work im not that invested on making that an essential part of my shipping experience.  

thank you for reading and hope this makes sense!

[shhh-no-ones-home]

artistry (1/2) bucky barnes x reader

+++++++++

part 1 part 2

therapy, and hatred for the same things; the beginning of a beautiful love story 😌

also sorry this is not any of the stories on the list i published a couple weeks ago. ive been submerged in the falcon and the winter soldier and really wanted to write more for Bucky so here's the beginning of that. i will be working on the other stories they just may take more time. but for now i hope you all enjoy the bucky content!

Song: never know by set it off

tag list: @cynic-spirit

+++++++++

I stood, knees to the couch, arms folded over my chest, Studying the wall as best I could. God I fucking hated it. It was so polite and warm and inviting. Barf.

"Disturbing."

I grumbled, hearing soft footsteps against the carpet.

"Oh sorry, they told me to wait in here I didn't realize there was someone-"

I glanced over at him for a moment. He seemed like he wanted to leave but I'm sure he was curious what I was doing. I was staring at the wall behind the couch after all.

"It's kind of infuriating isn't it?"

I asked, looking over the pale greens and blues.

"Um, what is?"

He now seemed very confused. I nodded towards the mural.

"Sometimes when I look at this wall too long I can just imagine myself punching a hole in it."

I half laughed.

"I couldn't tell you how many times I've wanted to offer to paint over it."

I uncrossed my arms, side stepping the couch and touching the wall gently.

"I never really thought about it but it is kind of ugly isn't it?"

He sent me a smile and I couldn't help laughing more.

"Y/n."

I said offering my hand to shake.

"James."

"Firm grip ya got there James."

He rubbed his gloved hands together, looking to the floor as his smile faded.

"Thought I knew my own strength."

I kept the smile on, touching his shoulder gently.

"Hey, a firm grip isn't necessarily a bad thing. Besides, no harm no foul. I'm sure you put it to good use."

I winked at him and he seemed like he didn't know what to do again. Until he let out a nervous laugh.

"Right."

I nodded once, looking back over the wall and dropping my hand from him.

"I should probably get going, doc should be in soon and I wouldn't want to take away from your session."

I walked past him.

"It was nice to meet you James."

As I reached the door he cleared his throat.

"Hey y/n-"

He said quickly and I turned back around to face him. He was fiddling with his fingertips, pinching the leather of the black gloves.

"I uh, don't get out much but I was wondering if you'd like to get a drink. Maybe, talk about how you'd repaint this wall?"

He pointed to it haphazardly, a smile making its way back to his face. In that moment I couldn't help the one creeping it's way across my own lips. I nodded quickly.

"I'd like that a lot James, uh here, you can call or text me at this number and we can work something out."

As I spoke I reached into my bag and pulled out a business card that I probably hadn't used in too long. The edges were fraying and my occupation had changed but I handed it to him anyway. He held it between both hands and looked over it.

"Are you free tonight?"

He asked, hope behind his eyes. I pretended to think for a moment.

"Ya know what I think I am."

I said and his smile got wider.

"Meet me at the bar at the corner of tenth and Jefferson?"

I nodded slowly at his inquisition, backing up into the doorway and squeaking when my back hit the wood.

"Eight o'clock, don't be late."

I said, turning and almost running into Dr Raynor.

"Oh, sorry, uh have a good session."

I mumbled quickly, ducking past her.

"I'll see you tonight James."

°°°°°°°°°

As I sat at the bar alone I began to doubt he was even coming. It was almost nine already and I was starting to think I was stupid for even waiting this long. Maybe I should go. Or maybe I should try to find someone else to talk to. The band was pretty good after all. I sighed and raised my finger to get the bartenders attention. when she turned around i opened my mouth-

"I'll have what she's having."

I heard, looking over to James with wide eyes as he sat beside me. He was wearing a navy blue leather jacket of some kind that exposed his left, metal, arm.

"You actually came."

I said surprised. He seemed almost ashamed.

"Sorry I'm late. My friend needed me and we got a little caught up. I was going to call but-"

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and the top was barely hanging onto the base by a wire. the flip phone kind of took me aback though. but it didnt matter, he showed up.

"It's okay, im just glad you actually came."

He let out a nervous laugh and took a sip of the drink the bartender had sat down.

"I was hoping you'd still wanna talk, even though I'm an hour late."

I nodded, looking over his face as he fully turned to me and my face fell.

"An hour late and bleeding."

I reached towards him and touched his temple gently. He winced at first.

"You wanna get out of here? I can get that fixed up; I only live about a block away."

I suggested and he nodded slowly.

"Uh yeah, I'd like that."

I paid the bartender and stood up, James following me outside. I inhaled deeply at the scent of rain as the sky darkened with clouds.

"So, something life-threatening happen on your way here?"

I asked, laughing a little as he looked to me.

"I'm kidding. Unless it did, in which case I'm glad you're okay."

He scratched the back of his neck, pacing slowly beside me.

"Good talk."

I said and he cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry I just, I don't do this often and I feel like I've already lost my chance with you."

I looked to him and drew my brows.

"would i have invited you to my house if you had?"

he shrugged, side nodding before tucking his hands into his pockets. i frowned when he didnt respond.

"look, james, i think I'll be the judge of whether or not youve lost your chance and right now I say you haven't. but you said you wanted to talk and there's not a whole lot of that going on."

He let out a nervous laugh.

"Why don't you tell me a little about yourself?"

I asked, slipping my right hand into his left elbow and he stopped. He looked down at our arms connected for a second and then I felt bad.

"Sorry, I just uh, figured it'd lighten the mood a bit. Sorry."

I pulled away and kept walking.

"Wait. No, it's just-"

I looked back at him and watched as he opened and closed his hand a few times.

"I don't really associate good things with it so it took me off guard a little bit. You can, uh, you can hold my hand if you want. That's fine."

He stepped closer to me and took my hand in his. I smiled at him and nodded.

"Thanks, I guess I just wasn't really thinking."

We kept walking.

"It doesn't bother you?"

He asked and I shrugged.

"Why would it bother me?"

There was a long silence as we rounded the street corner.

"I don't know."

He said softly.

"Uh, we're here."

I said, letting go of his hand and walking up the stairs to unlock my front door, looking to him as he looked over it. when i offered for him to come inside he hesitated for a moment but followed me in anyway.

"here you can sit here, let me get a look at where this blood is coming from."

he watched as i pulled the stool out form under my breakfast bar and i felt more nervous than before. it had suddenly occurred to me that we would be getting much closer and that led to some pretty self-conscious thoughts. but who was i kidding? he bared himself to me already, why should i be scared?

i inhaled deeply as he sat, moving to turn another light on so i could see better. i moved back over to stand between his legs, touching his jaw lightly and tilting his head down. he kept his eyes on me as i touched the wound gently, hearing his breathing hitch in the back of his throat before i let go to get a cold wash rag.

"so, you wanna tell me what happened?"

i asked, trying to lighten the mood as i came back and began wiping the dried blood away from the cut at his hairline. my finger tips were at his chin and he seemed more relaxed now.

"i was helping a friend."

he repeated like before. i nodded once.

"you live a dangerous life don't you James?"

he looked up at me with innocent eyes.

"bucky."

he said and i raised a brow.

"bucky?"

"thats what my friends call me."

i nodded once.

"are you calling me a friend?"

i asked and he finally cracked a smile.

"if you want to be."

he said and i let out a short laugh.

"and if i dont?"

his smile began to fade and he cleared his throat. i looked to the ceiling for a moment before leaning down and kissing his cheek gently.

"thats not what i meant bucky."

when he looked back up at me he seemed so lost, like this was a new type of kindness. part of my heart broke thinking about what could have happened to lead him here.

"what do you say we call this a trial run? we can take a weekend sometime and maybe go to the art museum down the street, get pizza for lunch, and just have a good time."

he seemed like he was still trying to study me as i put the wash rag on the counter and wiped my wet hands on my jeans.

"no blood, no confusion, just two people having a good time."

i held my hand out for him to shake. he nodded slowly, the smile barely there as he reached for it.

"i think id like that y/n. i think id like that a lot."

[justalitlecreacher]

I’m here to prove that Andrew Garfield’s portrayal of Spider-man/peter parker in The Amazing Spider-Man is objectively the best love action adaptation of the character. In this essay I will....(yes this is really happening)

Edit: 10/20/20- i want to indulge myself in spiderman content but finding non mcu spiderman content is exhausting so imma update this instead

TL;DR

Andrew Garfield is my favorite of the 3 Spider-Man actors. TAS’s Peter is more fun and dynamic than the cookie cutter “shy introverted nerd that has a crush on a girl who’s way out of his league” Peter in Tobey Maguire’s movies. I enjoy Tom Holland’s portrayal of the character, but hate the way Disney has written the movies.  I enjoy the characters, plot, and humor of The Amazing Spider-Man far more than the other 2, and i deeply wish we had gotten the third movie with the canon BIder-Man of Andrew’s (and my) dreams.

[DISCLAIMER: I HAVE NOT SEEN THE AMAZING SPIDERMAN 2 OR ANY MCU SPIDERMAN MOVIES OUTSIDE OF CLIPS AND REVIEWS ITS ALSO BEEN A VERY HOT MINUTE SINCE IVE SEEN A TOBEY MAGUIRE MOVIE]

Characterization

  Most arguments against Andrew Garfield’s Spidey( AG’s from now on) begin and ends with “he was a good Spider-Man but a bad Peter Parker”. This references an outdated post comparing all three Spidey actors.(Id attach the image here but i dont want the post to be too long(thats a lie this is so long what am i doing with my life)) The post also claims that Tobey played a good Peter and a poor Spidey; and that Tom is good at both “roles”.(Honestly I think it seems silly that this seems obey the “third time’s the charm” rule but thats just me).  Most people using this seem to be Tobey stans who have forgotten or ignored the rest of the post funnily enough, but the ones that go further into the WHY AG is a poor Peter are also incorrect. This argument also ignores the idea that there can be more than one version of Peter Parker which is blatantly incorrect.  Just look at Into the Spiderverse or the PS4 game; these provide 4(5 if you count the pig) versions of Peter themselves, and that doesnt even include the comics. 

 Arguments that go further in depth claim that the AS Peter is too cool or well liked by his peer to be a “true” Peter Parker. The evidence for this seems to be that Peter has a skateboard.(which what? didnt realize that having a skateboard would instantly make you cool brb guys). Adding to that i dont really see where people get the idea that Peter is popular or well liked. While looking for complaints i found this qutoe from reddit(theyve since deleted it looks like but i’ll add a link in the notes) “He's angsty, pretty socially awkward, has an aptitude for science, and is kind of an outsider. He gets bullied by Flash and he gets his ass kicked after trying to stand up to Flash. He isn't a "cool" person in any way (until the ending, in which he's best buds with Flash, so I'll give you that). While Maguire is more accurate to the 60s comics where Peter in high school is just a fucking loser with basically no friends, in the ultimate comics, Peter is more of the kid who has a small amount of friends, but isn't popular.”. Honesty i fully agree with this because once again, other versions of a character are allowed to exist. You can dislike one version, but its silly to dislike something for not being exactly like another thing.

Ive also heard that Peter isnt “nerdy enough” in this movie which really doesnt make any sense considering the entire plot happens because Peter was looking into some of his parents’ research. If he wasn't interested in looking further into his father’s work what reason would he have to go to Oscorp where he’s bitten by the spider? Why would he have become Dr. Conner’s assistant? If he wasn’t intelligent how did he develop the web shooters?(something that Tobey!Peter doesn't have to do out of plot convenience might i add).  

 Another complaint i see is that the quips he uses in the movie(the first one specifically it seems) makes him seem like an asshole. Honestly thats a fair complaint, but i think its a good bit of characterization; espcially if he does get better about it in the second movie like the internet suggests.The Peter in this movie is a rightfully angsty teen; of course he acts a bit of an ass to criminals(also i feel like its important to mention that he’s like that to criminals? its not like hes being a dick for no reason).

  Compare this with the Tobey Maguire(TM) movies. Like i said i haven’t seen these in awhile but as far as i’m aware TM’s Peter doesn't really do anything particularly nerdy in the film? I may have forgotten something( ok in the scene before he gets bitten he knows a cool spider fact) but he doesn’t have to invent the web-shooters because they came with his powers and he’s only at Oscorp in the first place because it’s a school field trip that he appears to be taking photos for. This Peter does fit the definition of outcast(friendless and bullied for it), but honestly i just dont like him. He’s weird and something about the character makes me feel like i should be a little grossed out every time he looks at MJ at the beginning of the movie.  

   I honestly don’t have any complaints for Tom Holland’s(TH’s)Spidey. Tom is a great actor and from what ive seen i enjoy his portrayal of the character.( He made me cry when i character i actively dislike died).  

Story

  I cant really say much for TAS story. It’s interesting but nothing special really. However, there is one scene that i don’t think i’ve seen anything like since( the closest would probably be the train scene in the original trilogy). 

 The crane scene. Early in the film Peter saves a boy from a car that has fallen off of a bridge, and at the end of the movie this becomes relevant again when it is uncertain that Peter will be able to get to the lizard to stop him in time.(as Peter is already injured and pretty far from the lizard’s location). The boy’s father is then revealed to be a construction worker who recognizes that Spider-man is going to need help to get to the lizard; he remembers how Spider-Man saved his son and organizes the rest of the construction workers to build a path out of crane arms for SM to swing from. All of them are putting themselves in danger by not evacuating, but SM’s actions in the first act of the film motivate them to do what’s right. 

  I love this scene primarily because it highlights something that i think is a really important part of Spider-Man’s character; his connection to the people he saves. SM is often shown interacting with and chatting with the people he has saved after the fact. One comic shows Peter accidentally scaring some bullies and then taking the time to ride the bus to school with them to continue their conversation and educate the students on bullying.( There’s definitely more but this is off the top of my head).

  Another scene in TAS that i love is shortly before the crane scene when Peter is originally attempting to make his way across the city to stop the lizard, and he is shot down by the police. They manage to unmask him before Peter comes to his senses( he had just been shot and fallen pretty far out of the sky in his defense). From there Peter is able to deal with the police while keeping any of them from getting a good look at his face. The one cop he cant take out happens to be Gwen Stacey’s father who had previously had an argument with Peter about Spider-Man(Peter obviously on SM’s side and Mr. Stacey against SM). Peter turns and allows Captain(?) Stacey to see his face. I believe that this is an example of an unwilling identity reveal done right. i really enjoyed this moment because Peter had just shown that he likely could have gotten out of this encounter with his identity in tact as he had just taken down however many men. This implies that it was an active choice on Peter’s end to trust that Captain Stacey would ultimately do the right thing and allow Peter to go fight the Lizard, rather than a final desperate attempt to get away unscathed. Whether or not this interpretation of the scene is correct or not it still gives the character a bit more agency than some versions have done with their identity reveals.

  In Spider-Man 2 Peter starts to lose his powers because he’s having internal conflict about wether or not he should be Spider-Man. Honestly thats kinda neat and i might want to give that a rewatch. As for the one i have seen i don’t have any complaints. I do however prefer the way that Peter was bitten in TAS because it was a result of him poking around where he shouldn’t’ve been rather than him just happening to be standing in the right place for a spider to land on him. 

  Onto TH’s movies; the way Disney has treated Spidey in the MCU is why TH’s is my least favorite version of the character. I feel like too much of the story revolves around Iron Man; Iron Man made Peter’s suit and equipment, Iron Man introduces Peter to the MCU(via blackmail but thats another rant for another annoyingly long post), its Iron Man that “makes” Spidey in this universe rather than Spidey being self-made. In Homecoming(which remember i havent seen outside of clips so bear with me) most of the conflict is cause directly or indirectly by Tony’s refusal or inabilty to communicate with the teenager he’s meant to be mentoring

 For one the entire incident with the ferry could have very easily been avoided had Tony bothered to communicate with Peter enough to tell him that the situation was being taken care of. On top of that at the moive’s climax Peter is shown trying to get in contact with Happy(from what ive picked up isnt he a chauffeur? like idk his deal i just know he’s someone Peter got pawned off onto after Civil War). Peter even goes as far as to somehow hack into Happy’s phone(i think thats what happened it was a weird tech thing that shouldve been a red flag that the call was important though) but instead of listening; Peter is ignored. If this was a different kind of movie Peter literally could have died and itd be the fault of Happy and Tony like..... A large portion of conflict comes from characters being incompetent and not communicating and thats just poor storytelling.

Before this turns too much into an anti mcu rant id also like to say that the way they did Civil War was really dumb considering that Peter defects to Cap’s side in the comics, but whatever.

 Also i loathe the way they handled the identity reveal at the end of Far From Home. With MCU movies most people know to expect an end credits scene by now, but typically that scene is not important to understand what’s happening in the films; they just aren’t important. Putting an identity reveal here makes it seem significantly less important than it is. On top of that i dislike their use of J Jonah Jameson for this scene.

  JJJ is a character who has been repeatedly shown to have a genuinely good heart. All of his anger comes from a place of love for his city(he even says this hemself in the ps4 game when May writes in to tell him that he needs help). He hates Spider-Man because SM reminds him of the masked man who killed his wife; JJJ has never been able to get past that( and Peter’s antagonism of him definitely doesnt help) However, JJJ has been shown to care for people; he has a son who he often brags about, and one comic shows that JJJ is paying Peter for “amateur” quality photos because he knows that Peter is having a hard time and “just need some help”. JJJ has even learned Peter’s identity before and kept his secret for him(seriously though i cant remember the name of the comic but its defiantly worth the read), and in the original trilogy when Goblin threatens JJJ he claims that he doesn’t know who sends in the photos of Spidey because he does it via email( this is a lie). The MCU will have a very difficult time convincing me that JJJ would ever out a teenager’s identity and put him in danger like that. It goes too far against his character.(this could be hypocritical of me to say considering how i just insisted that multiple versions of a character can exist but whatever ¯\_(ツ)_/¯) 

This is accidentally turning into an MCU rant but id also like to say that i hate the lack of a TH!Spidey origin movie because it gives you no motivaion for Peter becoming SM or explanation of his powers; most people will know these things but if youre unfamiliar with the character its bound to be confusing(and im a sucker for origin movies)

[carylspookie]

This was not wrote by me but I had to share it 💔

Credits to addieanatomy on instagram.

its so difficult for me to understand those who never feel the slightest bit of sympathy for norma and those who blame norma for being a bad mother, for nurturing her child into a serial killer. since the beginning on the series, norma had been a whole person. she has a backstory filled with emotional abuse and neglect at the hands of her awful parents. and emotional and sexual assault at the hands of her brother. and then she gets married to an abusive husband with a son born of incest because of her brother raping her. and another son who blacks out and becomes violent to the point of murder. norman blacked out and murdered her abusive husband/his father and had no idea. and he continues to kill several ppl that come into his life. but that’s just a whole other discussion for a later date. it makes my blood boil when i see ppl want to hate norma and blame her for all norman does. they want to. hate norma for what norman is. in some ways. yes. i can see why we all should give her some blame. because of numerous events in her life, norma’s incredibly broken which doesnt make motherhood too promising for her. i mean. i would argue that the worst thing norma has done has been having a lack of understanding the causes and effects of her actions. and just having a lack of insight in general.

norma feels that nothing outside of her and her care is safe for her and her beloved child. but eventually, she starts to see norman as a threat, to herself and himself. okay and quite honestly. im surprised norma didn’t end up being the damn serial killer given her fucking upbringing and the experiences she faced… anyway. alright norma definitely allowed for levels of intimacy between her and norman that are pretty uncomfortable. and some ppl would say shes reluctant to admit that there is something wrong with her beautiful child. but in my opinion. i believe she was always fully aware of normans troubles and knew that theres was smth wrong with him. but like i said before. she didnt see safety in anything outside herself. bc shes so fucking stubborn! but she truly believed that she was the answer to normans problem and she thought she could help him and protect him. i think it is very harsh for ppl to classify norma and anything she does as a mother as being neglectful. or abusive.,..,. she certainly comes close but. she doesnt cross the line into that territory. and yes. she did tell norman things he shouldnt have to know as her son. like. the situation with her brother. but. if u think about normas role as a mother overall. within the context of her own life experiences. she tries really fucking. hard. to be a the perfect and ideal mother. and i believe her efforts should be applauded considering she had no good mother or father to have as an example for her parenting. this woman did whatever she could to protect her son. and when she realized that she couldnt give him the help he needed,... she sought out help. she went to pineview. she begged dr edwards or whatever to help her son. she did her best to get her son the aid he needed in order to not be a threat to himself, norma and everyone else.

i would find it absolutely ridiculous if u didnt feel an iota a sympathy for norma in that moment in 401. she even explained herself in that moment with dr edwards. she realized that she couldnt control what she thought she could. and that she was afraid of going to the doctors bc she thought they could take him away from her. and i believe that she didnt want him taken away bc he was the last bit of love she had left in her life. she had no one. she loved norman so passionately bc they were all each other ever had. its just. in that fucking moment with dr edwards. norma was showing so much of herself. so much honesty. which is smth she tends not to do. and she was revealing in that moment that literally. like all parents. she didnt really know… exactly what she was doing. she was just hoping that what she thought was best,.,. was good. and she had a moment of great fear that what she was doing was hurting her child. and she wanted to do smth else to change and make it better for both of them. all norma has ever had is good intentions. love makes u do crazy things. and she did crazy things out of the sometimes dangerous love she had for her child. but she cant take full blame for what norman is and became. being the parent of a psychopath is not gonna be fucking easy and a literal cake walk with a manual on how to succeed. all norma fucking wanted was a normal life for her and her son. and normal life that she never got to have throughout her childhood. and teenage years. and into her married life with both of her husbands.

she could never catch a fucking break. and she never did. she never. fucking. did. shitty childhood, 2 shitty marriages, a kid who resulted from being raped by her brother, a kid that was more than just mentally unstable. and her own mental wellbeing never treated was just. the fucking cherry on top. and even after she dies she didn’t even get peace until after norman died, considering he was lugging her dead body around. when ppl talk about norma, her mental health is not often in the conversation. but quite honestly. norma's entire mental state had to have been absolutely exhausting for her. she needed serious help. and she needed it well before norman even came into the her life. i think the only time she realized that… this isnt how normal people live. is when she was with alex... alex gave her a real glimpse into a type of normalcy she had never experienced. honestly. i would like to believe she eventually would have gone into therapy had she survived. and even if norman had stayed at the live-in hospital and didnt try to kill her, she and alex were not going to magically start living a beautiful, good life. she was going to need some serious therapy herself. and i just know she wouldnt bring herself to do that all by herself. i think if anyone could help her decide to help herself... that person would without and doubt be alex. norma truly was beaten down by life at every corner. anyone in her shoes with that kind of history and mental wellbeing would be in an unbelievable amount of pain on the inside. when thinking about how this all plays into her relationship with norman... i just think she loved norman to the best of her ability. but it was from a perspective warped by extreme mental illness, fatigue and injury of her own. to add to this exhausting amount of mental turmoil, came her exhausting love for norman. god i love this woman so much. she is everything to me.

This hit me so damn hard. People ask why I love this show so much and the reason is above. Vera Farmiga portrays Norma so brilliantly and I couldn't think of anyone else who could do it better.

Romanticizing the relationship she and Norman had is unhealthy yes, but she loved her son so much she would do anything to keep him safe. Norma Bates is a fucking warrior- fictional character or not.

[killer-benhardy]

Say It - Part 5

Ben!Roger Taylor x Reader

A/N: OH my GOD. So I’m going to school tomorrow so this is like my last one before I go back which is quite upsetting, cause I love this fic and writing it. But I’m not sure if I’ll be updating as much. I’ll update as much as I can. BUT WOW OML THIS CHAPTER WAS SO INTENSE TO WRITE WOW 

It had only been four days since Brian had been staying with you and Roger. It was quite simple since you would prepare meals for the three of you, Roger would occasionally help you, and Brian would always offer to lend a hand which always ended with you saying, “don’t worry about it, you need to rest up!”

Roger would be lying if he said he wasn’t jealous of Brian. After every meal, you would always bring out a pot of tea just for Brian and occasionally forgetting to hand a cup to Roger.

The only time Roger didn’t feel those jealous emotions was when the two of you would finally get time alone right when you had to go to bed. But those moments would usually sadly be cut short since you would tend to Brian’s care.

Although Roger would take any chance to take care of Brian so you would rest. You loved caring for people. You always took care of your friends, especially all the boys from Queen, you loved taking care of them sick or not.

Today was just like one of those days. The usual morning pot of tea after breakfast for Brian and you remembered to hand Roger a teacup.

“Bri, Rog, did you want anything from the grocer’s?” You picked up your purse and headed towards the front door.

Brian turned his head from the telly and asked, “is it alright if I can get some of those caramel sweets from the shop around the corner? I’ll give you the money for-”

“Stop right there! I’ll just buy it for you okay lov- Bri?” Big mistake. You shouldn’t have done that.

You could tell that Brian knew what you were about to say ‘love,’ but it was because you’re always used to calling Roger ‘love’ or any kind of affectionate name at home. The only exception was for Freddie.

You quickly ran towards Roger, who just came out of the bathroom and planted a soft kiss onto his lips.

“Where are you off to, Y/N?” He probably didn’t hear you when you asked if he wanted anything.

“Just the grocer’s. Want any sweets?” Roger’s face stared at you with a questionable face, he was thinking about what he would like.

But then he realised that you’ve been taking care of Brian non-stop.

“Why don’t I just head to the grocer’s, and you have some time for yourself to take a bath and rest, okay?” Roger suggested, but he regretted saying it. He was going to leave you with Brian. Alone in the apartment.

Wow, that sounded like heaven to you. Yes. You loved taking care of Brian, but you might’ve accidentally missed a meal or two.

“Thank you so much, Rog. Is that okay with you?” You wanted to make sure he wasn't doing it out of guilt. He simply nodded ‘yes’ and headed his way out.

“I’ll miss you,” you smiled at him. “You just need to get some vegetables, juice, caramel sweets for Brian and some sweets for me as well!” Roger kissed you on the forehead before leaving you alone with Brian.

He still can’t believe he asked to get things from the grocer’s. Why not go with you instead? It was probably the spark of the moment he wanted to do something for you.

“So, how is Mr May recovering? Is your arm feeling a bit better?” You walked towards Brian who was on the couch watching ‘Top of the Pop’s’ on the telly.

He turned his head quickly towards you and responded, “thanks to you, I like I’m ready to start playing again!” But of course he was kidding, he only had around two more weeks to heal.

“That’s fantastic Bri! You enjoy the telly, while I go have a relaxing bath,” you skipped away to the bathroom to run the water. Roger had told you to have time to yourself, and that was exactly what you were going to do.

You opened a cabinet that had all of your soaps, took a bottle of vanilla scented body wash and poured it close to the faucet of the running water. Vanilla soon was the only thing you could smell in the air.

You quickly took all your clothes off, it had been a while since you’ve last had a bubble bath for yourself.

The last time you had a bubble bath was with Roger, a few nights before he left for the tour. Yes, you often took baths with him. And yes, they were quite enjoyable.

“Y/N!”

“Yes?”

“The telephone’s ringing!”

“Just answer it!”

And that’s what Brian did. He slid across the couch in order to reach the telephone, “Hello, this is-” Brian wasn’t able to finish his sentence and listened to what was being said on the other line.

He kept quiet, but before he knew it he quickly ended the call, cutting off the other line in the middle of their sentence.

He couldn’t believe it.

“Who was it?” He didn’t say anything for a while. “Bri?”

“It was just Miami, he was asking how I was doing. He’s sounding more like my mother!” He laughed. You didn’t think much of what he said since it sounded quite funny to you.

“I’m going to murder that drummer boy.” Brian could hear Roger outside trying to open the door, but it seemed like he was struggling with the bags of groceries. As soon as Roger came through the door, Brian was right by the door.

“Bloody hell, you shouldn’t be standing in front of the door like that. Nearly had a heart attack,” Roger chuckled walking past the taller man but he stopped in his track.

“What’s wrong Mr May?” He sassed.

“Nothing. You’ve got to watch yourself,” Brian spoke with a very sarcastic tone. Roger had no idea why he was acting like that. It just made him angry. Brian’s eyes glanced towards the bathroom and Roger obviously knew that you were in there. And Brian was making Roger even more jealous.

Roger had a checklist. It was just things he had thought since Brian was staying for a while.

Y/N will pay attention to Brian. Check

Y/N will take care of Brian more. Check

Y/N will forget about me

 And Roger couldn’t bear to think of the worst-case scenario. But Brian knew something was off with him. He just didn’t want to confront him. Wouldn’t want anything bad to happen of course.

Roger brushed past Brian and gave him the bags of groceries, which ended up falling on the ground. How could an injured guy hold so many bags?

“You back, love?” You spoke loudly skimming your fingers across the water of your bath. He popped his head through the door and you smiled at him.

“Of course I’m back, you did say that you’d miss me,” he winked at you as he took a few steps closer to you.

“Tomorrow night, we’re going out with the band.”

“We are? And where are we all going?”

“Just for dinner and maybe we’ll stop by the pub?”

“Sounds like a plan!”

Brian was listening and he knew that there were no plans for dinner. Even though last minute plans were Roger’s thing, it seemed a bit odd.

“You’re doing it just to see her.”

Flashback

Brian picked up the telephone, “Hello this is-”

“Hey, Roger. It’s Amy. I know you told me not to call until you were on the road again. I wasn’t able to get the chance to say something to you before you went back home. You were incredible in bed. I miss you.”

It was Amy. She was one of Roger’s groupies that would always see him after performances. But that was before he met you.

“I hope that we’re still meeting tomorrow night, at the usual place? I know how it’s usually done. You’ll have dinner with your bandmates and then I’ll see you in the bathroom after you order your usual dr-”

He ended the call straight away. He didn’t want to hear Amy’s voice anymore.

Present

Brian knows everything. He knows Roger’s groupie schedule. He knows that Roger is still with the last groupie he was seeing before he met you.

“That fucking bastard.”

—

Part 6

—

Taglist: @roger-taylor-stole-my-heart @ilyjules @cosmiclunas @lilliekrs @mrsmazzello @mercurys-bike @jemcairrstairs @wolverinesbeer @anamcg317 @wingardiumlevidonewithlife@a3lizalee @lelifesaver @jennycidesstuff @killerqueenbucky

[dilfsdotnet]

Yo you should answer all of these scene questions👀👀

:OOO

you think so lad???? shit dawg i was thinkin just a few at a time but if that what u want my dear nonnie i will supply

1. wats ur scene name?

i was thinkin maybe ‘gods mistake’ would be a good one but then. i found a way to make it both danganronpa related, and, even better, a fucking pun as well. ‘kamukura kamukura jasqueen’, or just ‘kamukura jasqueen’ for short is good k thxxx

2. describe ur dream outfit!

oooo gosh this ones trickyy!! there are so many good outfits out there, especially in the scene community!! but it’d have to have a few tiny elements of dr cosplay to add a lil of my dangan-weeb culture in there ofc! more specifically, id really love to get one of kazuichis jumpsuit and just wig out and add shit like this just because i could:

(id just rlly love going out in all those glowy/shiny things at night like all that haha..and yes the shoes would probably kill me/my fuckin feet if i tried to walk in them but shut up i love them theyre cute as fuck)

3. describe ur dream haircut!

oo another tricky one!! i do like my regular hair, and honestly id be lying if i said i didnt love ibuki’s hairdo too but id defs have to go with something like this!!

yaaaassss, so pretty and spikeeeey! maybe id dye my natural hair colour black and/or add some funky colours if i ever actually got this style down!

4. describe ur dream room!

i have a lot of ideas for dream bedrooms actually, but heres a visual image of one of them i found!!!

MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM

(this specific idea arose mainly just for the aesthetic but i also find it super cute and a good environment to be in general hhhnnggg)

5. if u could make anything out of kandi, wat would u make?

oh you mean those colourful beads and bracelet things??? i love those man!!! theyre so visually appealing to me aaaaa…id probably just make a fuck-ton of those and most probably use the little letter beads to say random words/phrases like ‘aubergine’ and ‘despacito’ knowing my shitposter self lmaooo! id definitely make a sansmaeda themed one too thoo fr

6. wat would u write on ur shoez?

it’d probably range from things like a simple kaomoji doodle to something randum and stupid like ‘seesaw’ bc yes asjnd

7. wat kinda piercingz/tattooz do u hav/want?

i dont think i rlly want any real piercings (at least not atm) but id totally go for those fake stick-on gemstone lookin’ ones! and as for tattoos, i cant rlly see myself gettin one of those rn either, but id want something like a mario power-up, preferably the bell one/cat suit powerup!!! its my favorite powerup and its sooo cute!!!

8. fave genrez?

i dont rlly have a specific genre, i like most kinds of music, but i rlly like energetic music that i can dance tooo!!! >w

9. fave bandz?

im a big fan of gorillaz and botdf!!! i like p!atd as well but havent listened to it in a while.. gatta catch up loool

10. fave songz?

my favs alternate a lot, but atm im super into ‘slow dancing in the dark’ by joji!!! so much emotiooon quq…also rlly hooked on botdf and jefree star’s ‘sexting’ tooo lmaooo

11. fave lyricz?

‘The world keeps spinning Among this sinning Oh what a cruel and disgusting place The purest moonlight Is bloodied by plight And screaming resonants But somehow I know That it’s all for show The world will reveal it’s true beauty soon And we’ll all reach towards the moon ‘

its so deep but its from a fucking kaito momota fansong and i love that asnkjdnefe

12. hav u evr been to a concert?

not in a damn long while my lad,, rip australians not havin many artists they like from other countries tour there ;-;

13. do u wanna be in a band?

ive always thought thatd be pretty cool ngl!!! tourin around with ur bandmate friends, makin awesome fuckin tunes, people lovin u and ur music, just livin the dream in general,, nice

14. wats da best soda/energy drink flavour?

havent rlly had any as of rn  my lad so i wouldnt know :/

15. wat do u miss most abt old internet?

i loved that we could all just be ourselves and act like the kids we are inside without bein reprimanded at all.. it aint rlly that much of an issue for me but i still think itd be a lot nicer if it was like that again sometimes,,

16. wats da best old meme?

ooohhh there are so many i still miss man! numa numa ermagerd and doge still remind me of the glory days…when old animeme was good and you could still haz ur cheezburgers in peace. also rage comics! rage comics were good what happened

17. best place 2 buy clothez?

i dont think theres any hot topics in australia but if there is. i will hunt it down you hear me

18. wat r ur fave accessoriez?

OH THERES SO MANY GOOD ONES??? as i stated b4 i rly love kandi bracelets and other glowy/led things!!! also rlly love ties with cute and fun patterns and long colourful and/or ripped socks like ibuki’s too hehe

19. wats ur best tip fr ppl that just got into scenecore?

im not rlly the best at advice, but my main point would be-just hav fun here dudes!!! dont let anyone else bulli u abt it, we’re supportive people, u can talk to me or anyone else whos willin to listen an/or help for reassurance ofc

20. opinion on furbiez?

oOH MY GOD YES. FURBIES. MY BABIES I WANT 10 OF THESE CHILDREN…I ACTUALLY HAVE A FURBY HE LIKES SLEEPING IN HIS SPECIAL DRAWER AND HIS NAME IS TINGLE I ADORE HIM I’LL POST A OF PICTURE LATER MAYBE

21. opinion on funko popz?

i like em and ive seen lots at eb games, but i dont buy em much..i do have a megaman pop with a broken arm tho loool

22. wats ur fave pattern? (zebra/leopard print etc)

i looove a lot of patterns but not gonna lie im always a sucker for rainbow checkerboard patterns yknow hehe!

23. fave color combo?

i dont have one rlly…soooo many possible comboooos…cx

24. sumthing u liked as a kid dat u still like?

im still going on girlsgogames and recently, ive finally mastered sues beauty machine!!!! its so good and fun all of ya’ll should try it my dudeeees

25. wats ur most used emoticon? 0w0

as most of ya’ll probs alredy know i spam ‘:O’ a lot, but one of my bigger favs is actually ‘x3′ and my fav kaomoji is ‘ଘ(੭ˊ꒳​ˋ)੭✧’ (both of them are so kyooot >w

26. wats ur fav typin quirk?

i luv talkin like dis, but i dont rly do it that often loool…i awso wuv tawking in ‘owo’ speak wike dis >//w//>

27. do u wish ur fllwrz talked 2 u moar?

hellz yeaaa!!! i luv followr interaction my dudee! it makes me super happi when u all talk to me heehee! x3c

28. tag ur fave scene blawgz!

:O !!! oh gawd!!! i dont know many atm but heeereee!

@xxadam-antidotexx (op of the ask meme)

@glitchkichi (not sure if this counts but their stuff’s rlly cool >v

@otonashi-banana (scene boyf…wuv im more than anythin >///w///>

29. wat got u into scenecore?

i dont remember exactly how it happened but i’d always sorta wanted to go back to the glory days that was the old web and the scene era, and that, coupled with a bright, colourful aesthetic that i could really enjoy, drew me in like a moth to a neon colored flame ig looollll

30. how long hav u been scene?

i’ve only been officially apart of the community for about a few months now (at time of writing) i reckon so some things are still a lil new to me ig ^^;;

31. wats da best thing abt being scene?

the freedom of bein able to express myself 4 one thing, and its just so fun being so ‘out-there’ yknow???? it feels so great really

32. do u hav a fursona?

i…actually used to but ive moved on from the furry fandom and ive grown more attached to my human sona anyway sooo :/

33. r u in sum “cringy” fandomz?

YEA man!! i dont rlly think dr is inherently considered ‘cringey’ but undertale is and im in that one for sure!!! i also kinda technically never left the skylanders fandom(?) so theres that too ig??? oh yeah and who wants to let me draw my old moshi monsters characters COWARDS

34. do u liek plushiez?

YASSSS QUEEEN!!!! i have HEAPS of them in my room on my desk with my gonta shrine

35. do u liek stickerz?

also a big yaaassss from me dawggg!!! i love them and i love those ones that you stick on your fase like this!

its so cuuute!!!

36. do u hav a friendproject?

i dont, not at the moment a least, actually! didnt even know what it was til recently but it looks kewl haha

37. do u hav any other scene account?

well, i haz this one, and i also have an emowire account for shuichi if that counts!!

38. do u make art? (drawingz, blingeez, etc.)

YES!!! i love to draw and i also make blingee edits sometimes!!! ITS SO FUN XD !!!

39. wats da most scene thing? (anything!)

hmmm, weeell…i think the most stereotyped thing would be that kewl, suuuper big hair like this;

its really prettyyyy, and i love all that colouuur!!!

40. ask ur own randum question!!

hm, oh wowie, since the anon didnt specifically ask this one…POTATOES!!! X3

phew, finally done, that was a lot of typing! this was so fun to do though, so thank u nonnie!!! :3

[diaryofsecrecy]

It has been the most exhausting year of my entire life and I will be surprised if I ever top it...

Brent was having a hard time adjusting to the altitude when we 1st came out here, (July 8th 2020) But as time went on he got better as expected. Then suddenly he got worse and worse, Eventually he lost the job that he got because he was calling out so often throwing up and experiencing extreme nausea.  Because of covid, the doctors were booked for weeks (new patient) so it was just kind of a waiting game until we finally decided to just go to the ER.  They did a full blood panel and decided that he needs to see a GI doctor because everything else is normal. So, That was booked 2 weeks out and he was sent home with nausea medication for one week...

Of course we were going to try to buy or rent so I was freaking out about money and working as much as I possibly could... But then I too had to go to the emergency Room because I had extreme abdominal pain resulting in an emergency appendectomy😖

The day after my surgery, I am home, when my dad comes in with my older sister.

To my knowledge, my older sister was diagnosed paranoid schizofrantic. She has been Homeless for the last 11 years,  And on drugs.  She recently was beaten so badly that she was left with several brain injuries on top of it all, And while she was healing at the hospital somehow they didn't notice her walk out.  We were just about to get her placed somewhere safe...And they lost her.

Anyhow dad walks in with my sister who I guess called him from a coffee shop when they told her that she couldn't sleep there anymore (after a month of being missing again) Dad had to go back to work so then it was me & her for the next 2 days, As you can imagine, not the rest I needed post surgery... then, I had to go back into the hospital because something wasn't right. I was there for 3 more days, 2 days alone because ben was so sick that it was worse with him being there than me sitting by myself in pain and nausea of my own.

Fast forward a few more months, tragic accidents led to 2 separate deaths of my parents dogs. Both events I happen to be present, so get blamed & am no longer welcome at mom & dads.

(Still healing from sugury, brent still very sick)

We get an apartment, and I start working as a nanny for my aunt twice a week while working at Massage Envy the other 5 days.

At this point, I am tired. I am horney, and lonely, and Absolutely. Fucking. Miserable.

I am begging ben to keep up with drs. but he has lost hope of getting better, and I have no way of helping him when I am already worn too thin.

After 9, Long, long months, he eventually, with my consistent pushing, nagging, most likely not always kind remarks, he finds out his hormones are completely off, which I knew would be the case, his dick hadnt worked for the last 3 years properly..

Anyway. He blames his addiction medication rather than continuing dr. Appointments... he gets on testosterone with an outside company(pay out of pocket kind of subscription company...rather than checking insurance, or figuring out what causes low testosterone and fixing that first). I was working and had no influence in any of those choices that effect us both as they have for at least 2 years. He hasnt touched me for so, so, long.

Month 3 of his medication that seems to be working (only reason I know is there was a ton of porn in my google history, he had declined all advances, except the rare, 3 times he allowed a blowjob then left immediately after for the gym or literally anything else rather than make it romantic at all.)

Month 4, he forgets to make a payment at all, so now we owe $250 rather than the normal $100. His meds get sent, then FedEx loses the package all together so, he is sick and I am house sitting in a dream home, alone for 2 weeks straight that originally was going to be our getaway to focus on Us.

At this point, brent and I havnt slept in the same bed for 2 months. At first cause he says I'm mean and he wants to not be near me, but now its cause hes "more comfortable out in the living room..."

A month ago when we last had a conversation about our relationship he said he wants space and a break from me all together. I'm too much.

I am the problem..?

When trying to understand what he means, he shuts down the connvo, saying he cant talk about it anymore. It's been 30 days since we have made any verbal progress. Our fighting has stopped though, and I'll tell you why...

Rewind 1 week before house sitting;

1 week after brent and I had an awful fight where he told me we should take a break, I stay at my parents & My mom offers for me to join them at a graduation party of a kid I used to babysit.

We were sitting in the back of the dining room, out of the way, when I saw someone i slightly recognized in the hallway. Not sure from where, but he was the kind of guy that you couldnt stop looking at. He was clearly into fitness, his shirt couldnt hide the muscular features he had been perfecting either, despite him dressing nothing out of the ordinary. He had beautiful ink crawling up his leg, an artform that would only mean something to someone who is more spiritually awake. But more noticable about anything was that smile.

God that smile. His face was scruffy, as if he had been away, but regardless, the smile he had influenced his entire ora. His eyes smiled, his walk... smiled. He had some kind of thing about him that was a physical draw I had never known for myself before. Dont get me wrong, i have been woo'd by many men so far in my life, from all stages in life, but This one was just, different. He was making his way around the room, & I could hear his voice over my mom who's talking beside me. I had literally been blocked out by my ever wondering thoughts of this random stranger whom felt familiar.

Then, he was there, at our table?

He was so easy to talk to, not even sure how we started now, but all I know is I was not nervous despite my very physical attraction to him.

He spoke of traveling, and adventures hes been on. This guy had a whole other life in the military at one point and now was traveling, working for a company that sends him around the US.

This guy had Hope's and dreams and somehow we got to talking about that kind of thing at a graduation party?

When I left that day, I thought about him. Not just him specifically, but men like him. Had I chosen Brent wrongfully? Does brent even like who I am anymore, what does he want going forward in his own life? How do I even fit into that? He understands my need for adventure but his actions say that he doesnt want to come along. My mind was loopy after that because for the first real time I questioned, what if there was someone who wanted to see the world,  Who liked my sad music, and my emotions being in everything I do? What if there was a women more interested in the simple home life, having a couple dogs and living a small, comfortable life? Are we doing one another a disservice by occupying oneanother's lives? How could I ever bring that up with Brent at all without making him feel so inadiquite after a year of terrible sickness and defeat?

Well, when I went to that big, gorgeous dream home the following week to house sit for 2 weeks... begging him to come see me, I grew weak from overthinking. I cried, I cried so much the first 3 days.

I cried from a place of such sadness, anger, bitterness, defeat, they were so strong. My mind was cloudy, drunk, stoned, tired.... I found myself writing a suicide letter.

My plan was to disappear, I knew I'd find a firearm in the home & allow someone to find my remains eventually in the hills where I'd walk far enough.

I prepared by cleaning the litterbox, laying out several bowls of water for the dog and cat, and watered all the plants heavily. I transfered brent all the money in my bank accounts, and as I waited for the sheets to come out of the dryer I balled my eyes out, reading the last conversations I had had with my family members. I thought to myself how the kids would take it, what different life choices they would make having been close with someone before their passing. At this point, I needed something, but I needed it from someone who doesnt know me in my life right now, but the me that was worth saving. The me I still recognized.

I called an old friend from 2nd grade. Hadnt talked to her in years and years, didnt known her life, her schedual, her name(which had been changed). But she talked me down. She saved my fucking life. It took a person who knew my soul years ago, to remind me I am not alone.

I dont blame my parents, or who I thought would be my future husband. I had talked with my aunt earlier that day and she couldnt see it either. I had become this fake shell of a person and it took considering an actual murder of myself to make me see that if I continued this path, I would die eventually and nobody in my life would ever see me preparing for it.

That night, I invited a complete stranger over and we fucked like rabbits. 4 times. He got to do things he'd never done before, and I begged him to. Sounds cold, sounds unapologetically disgusting that I'd do something like that, but quite frankly, I FUCKING needed it. I needed someone to see me, even if he didnt see my current life nor care about me as a person... he saw, touched, kissed, sucked and ate me up. For the first time in at least 2 years, i felt satisfaction when I walked him to the door and watched his car drive away.

It was like a sigh of relief, an inch I could not reach for the longest time, gone. Finally.

The following days, brent began putting in more effort. It has been 3 weeks and I'd say he has been kinder to me than he had in a while (probably the lack of testosterone) but also, I havnt seen much of him in general. From his point of view, it is all fine. Hes getting the space he needed, I'm being nicer since I quit massage Envy, and things are looking up....

But that is because he doesnt See Me.

My suisidal thoughts subsided after my long conversation with Scout. & that night I called my cousin as well, and learned he too had been in my shoes before. He said something that stuck with me.

If everyone has an expiration date on their life already, and we don't know when it is, you're to the point that you're life is so invaluable that youd kill yourself than flee your life and make one you want. Dont care about the people youd hurt, because suicide is just as careless as abandoning them all indefinitely.

He was so right, it put things into perspective, gave me a freedom I felt I was waiting to gain permission for.

Five days later, I noticed He had written me 5 before, on the day I had truly planned to end my current life..

He had written me at 12am, what would someone like him, a gorgeous, beefed out, big thinker, high energy, go getter be doing messaging me, a tired women who was 300lbs a year ago, (still working on getting to a normal size) and completely at a crossroads with existance.

I entertained the connvo a tad, and honestly forgot about it for a few days as I figured no way he could be serious.

He triple messaged me, and asked for my personal contact info to have real conversation?

Hesitantly, and wildly excited to even just flirt for a moment with someone who is literally everything I fantasize when I'm alone everynight....

Our conversation immediately took off. In directions I hadnt expected at all what so ever. He told me he had to admit he felt drawn to me, like he had known me in another life. That he doesnt expect me to get it, but I did. We talked about things that only my sister and I can relate to on a spirituality standard and it changed me in that instant. Suddenly i realize, I wasn't broken, I was just misunderstood. & that there are people in this world that See Me even when I am not trying. Not many, and it takes a specific Kind of person, but they do exist and when you meet them, you cant ignore it. It is as if they stain you with remembrance.

As the sexually hungry humans we are, not only did we find that morality, values, future goals coexist, but also our importance of intimacy. Not just lust and sex, well, yes that too, uff did those conversations get so, fucking, hot, but the interactions of intimacy and how they make a person whole.

I opened up to him about Brent, and where I am at in life, asking he please oversee my unfaithfulness, but that I am loyal at heart. He says with such pain in his voice how he too in a parallel position simultaneously, however, he married her 7 years ago.

Ugh.

So now I get to choose. Do I chose mortality, say no, brent and the other women deserve to understand the severity of sex, love and passion, and if they chose not to then we will leave before we act on our mutual attraction....? Or, do we say hell with it and give in to serendipity moments that our hearts crave so badly, take on the consequences and move forward. Sigh. If only there was a guideline for complicated.

Last night, as the 5 nights before, we talked for hours on the phone. His voice makes me smile every, damn, time. Perhaps because it's new and exciting, or maybe I just love to hear him go on his tangents of loving yourself despite the bad in life. I Want him. I want him when I wake, &when I go to sleep. I do not want a life without him& it saddens me to know our timing is incorrect. He asked her for a divorce a year ago, but has sat comfortably as I have despite the horror because weve both been too busy, too tired, too... afraid that life will always be lonely. Last night, he said to me, Elise, I love you. I avoided it several times but when he said it two more times, I couldnt keep it any longer to myself, Jackson, I really do Love you as well. It's scary, and faster than I'd ever say it to anyone. But I know it to be true because I Feel it. I want his love so badly. I want him to live life along side of me because with a person like him, I'd be a better me.

I am absolutely terrified. My life, my home, my family, dogs, my 5 year relationship, the unborn children brent and I have named, and the houses we'd have... all gone?

Running away with a man who says hes going to leave his wife is absolutely stupid. I'd be an idiot to think I am enough to get him through that fear of change, yet he gives me strength to want to try, so maybe I do, Him?

Ugh my brain being pulled in many ways. My heart having been in pieces so many times now doesnt know who to go to or why. I know for certain I love Brent, is this a self gratifying moment To push me back to him? Is this the devil bringing two lost people together to ruin four people at once?or is this Fate. Fate that has seen both of us individually loosing ourselves in a life we didnt want and has brought us together to lean on one another, temporarily not?

Suppose time will tell.

Last two days he has been working a ton, and told me that tomorrow he has something he needs to talk to me about.

I assume it isnt good. I assume it is the first put off of many, because, I know I want to do the same. Part of me says I should block him right now, because lust, and attraction, both mentally and physically like that couldnt make a women addicted and that's a no good addiction when he has a women in his house with his last name. 😔

[supersecret10000]

like if you read

regarding the person who im just another ex to now. the person who pretends i never existed in her life. the biggest turning point in our relationship was one new years when she told me she wanted to be polyamorous. we were drunk. i threw up and started crying. at this point, i had NO IDEA she had already tried to kiss one of our friends when they were high together. but of course, there was no compromise or ultimatum or anything. it was we had to have an open relationship and be polyam or we had to break up. so i stayed and fucking forced myself to be polyam. we set up rules and stuff. and of course she broke them and cheated on me twice because we got into a fight and she thought i didnt want to be with her anymore. second biggest mistake that we are both guilty of: we stayed together after that. we were monogamous after that. our relationship got progressively worse and worse, with me being insanely possessive, jealous, and insecure to the point where i would lash out and be passive aggressive. prying into her friendships, etc. that was me being abusive. and it fucks with me seeing that she’s regarded as perfect and amazing by her 27 girlfriends and the 300 people she’s fucked now and already has two more exes and the two and a half years we spent together every day has faded into oblivion. much less the five years we spent being best friends. going to school together, all that shit.

i swear our fights stemmed because we couldn’t ever meet in the middle or compromise. she had to get her way 100% or i wasn’t listening to her and neglecting her needs or wants. and everything i wanted and felt was unfair. the fact that i felt ANYTHING meant that i wasn’t listening to her and i was being a shitty person.

but she forced herself on me sexually a lot. so much to the point i often felt like sex was all i was wanted for and good for. its like love to her ONLY meant sex. she was hypersexual, though, and i would often be guilted because i didnt want to do it and in the beginning of the relationship we’d have sex every day. i’d often say no and i didn’t want to but end up having to do it anyway and this often led to me feeling gross and shitty, and again like she didnt actually love me, just loved fucking me. not to mention she never gave me gifts or seemed to consider me much at all. like i understand not having money, but she had the means to MAKE things for me for anniversary’s and holidays. instead i’d go overboard in getting her shit.

i gave her so much financially. my parents hate me for it. i dont blame them. i spent so much fucking money on her all the fucking time AND she lived here with me FOR FREE even AFTER she broke up with me. dumped ANOTHER person on me to live here with me for free, too, and she only just moved out so i’m finally living alone like i was supposed to. but she never made up for any of this. rarely ever said thank you or showed gratitude. i always feel like she fucking used me even though she said she loved me and i thought i had saved her from her parents.

even still, we’d still have pda and stuff that i feel like i took for granted.

but we were toxic for each other, point blank. i was made out to be the horrible abusive one though by a lot of people. i couldn’t put into words what she was managing to do to me that kind of… made the shitty things i did worse. but she wasn’t perfect. i know no one is, but she’s a fucked up person and my life is better without her. i’ve stopped trying to salvage a friendship. she wants to act like i dont exist, like i never existed, and refuses to talk to me at all and ignores me when i try to talk to her about anything. so fuck her. fuck her, fuck all the fucked up people shes dating now. i still hope she’s happier now, but they all deserve each other.

tl;dr my ex girlfriend forced herself on me sexually a fuck ton and im only just now realizing that’s fucked up

EDIT: its been about a month or whatever now and i’m seeing there’s a callout about her. dont involve me in it.

[lizziebennet]

i want like your complete thoughts on snape aurora lmao

HONEYYOUVEGOTABIGSTORMCOMING.GIF

so id just like to say that when i read the harry potter books first time and the third time and the sixth time  i didn’t hate snape. i never loved him, but i thought he was a super interesting character bc he was like a triple agent and he made for some rly great story. like the #drama of snape killing dumbledore was an Iconic Event in book history. but it was after book 7 came out and i learned that people genuinely liked snape?? like sympathized with him and stuff????? then i started to HATE him because people’s reactions to him after deathly hallows were… ridiculous. 

bc lemme tell u kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! re reading the series with the knowledge of snapes backstory and everything from the prince’s tale doesn’t explain/excuse like. any of snape’s actions in most of the books!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

its just sooooo frustrating to me bc harry potter is a series about shades of grey. it’s not tolkien where the Bad Guy™ is the embodiment of Pure Evil and the other side is Pure Good. i mean here it is in plain text in ootp: 

“We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That’s who we really are.”

so like you have the Spectrum of Darkness with voldemort (p much the #1 spot on that scale), umbridge (also p high up there), fudge (who’s main sin is willful ignorance), and yeah i think even dumbledore would have a place on that scale. what im getting at is this: even though snape indisputably does some good things he can still be a totally shitty person. like, hes not voldemort but that doesnt mean hes a saint either. like the quote said,  maybe hes not Evil To The Core inside but he chose to act like a dick all of the time so that’s what i think he is. a dick. because even if he had this great love for lily inside him the whole time, i can only judge him on his actions. and his actions show that hes THE FUCKING WORST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

its just. inconceivable to me how you can justify snape’s actions like. first of all he willingly joins a genocidal terrorist organization so. theres THAT LITTLE FACT THAT IS DIFFICULT TO OVERLOOK. 

and i’ve read a lot of people “””justify””” that with two things. first is snape’s childhood/him growing up in a slytherin environment. like, almost saying ‘poor baby didnt know any better :((’ which is just like. completely ridiculous. for starters im not sure that anti-muggle ideology was forced on snape as a child. his father was a muggle, and although it’s made clear in the books that snape has a horrible relationship with both his parents, it doesnt really make sense for his mother to preach pureblood/wizard superiority to him if she herself married a muggle man. furthermore, snape grew up in a muggle neighborhood. as a child, he must have interacted with them with some frequency. and yet when he talks to lily as a child he is already sooooo dismissive of petunia because of her lack of magic which is like. pretty sociopathic if you ask me. 

and like!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he had lily!!!!!! as a friend!!!!!!!!!! for over five years!!!!!!!! he couldve learned from lily like. examples of love and friendship and equality!!!! he apparently LOVED lily!!!!!!!!! AND HE STILL DECIDES TO JOIN A TERRORIST ORGANIZATION WHOSE GOAL IS TO WIPE OUT HER KIND????? W H Y??

and it’s not like he’s draco whose parents were death eaters and voldemort was like “u must become a death eater or ur whole family will be murdered” (not like that i like draco lol). like if anything snape’s half blood status would be a deterrent to joining the death eaters. remember: his mother married a muggle. so he absolutely had a choice and CHOSE to join voldemort. 

the second thing ive often heard people say is “but he changed his mind!!!” referring to when snape becomes a double agent for dumbledore. but like… is that even true????? did voldemort coming after lily make snape have an epiphany like “hold up… maybe … muggleborns dont.. deserve to die?? for being born???” i would like to point out that we NEVER get that confession from snape. EVER. we never hear him say like “i am with the order of the phoenix because i disagree fundamentally with voldemort’s anti-muggle ideology.” 

the ONLY reason snape goes to dumbledore and becomes a double agent is because of his “””love”””” for lily. the only reason he stays a part of the order is to protect harry and maybe like get revenge on voldemort for killing lily. BUT HE COULDVE BEEN A MUGGLE HATER THE WHOLE TIME!!! LIKE FOR THE WHOLE BOOK SERIES!!!!!!!!!!! 

and like what about befoRE snape turned on voldemort. he was part of the death eaters for YEARS. and he was considered part of voldemorts inner circle, his most trusted death eaters and like. you dont get into that circle by doing nothing. so i have to assume that snape did some fucked up shit! like killing muggles and muggleborns and shit! like! reminder that he WILLINGLY joined this organization! 

like he truly did not give a shit about anyone lol. like when he comes to dumbledore to plead with him to save lily and dumbledore is like “what about her baby and her husband do u care about their lives at all” and snape straight up does not give a SHIT about harry and james. snape is totally fine with a BABY dying. 

lemme say that a little louder for the people in the back: SEVERUS SNAPE IS TOTALLY AND 100% OKAY WITH AN INNOCENT BABY BEING SLAUGHTERED. 

and this isnt just any baby. it’s lily’s baby. and if snape knew lily AT ALL (lily who was “uncommonly kind”) he would know that lily would love her child more than anything and prioritize her child’s life above her own. but snape is just like “i dont care if her child and husband are murdered as long as shes fine lol” like…. okay????????? lily would literally hate him if he did manage to save her instead of harry lol. 

its just….. insane that he only gives a shit when voldemort comes after someone he personally cares about. like. he was fine with anyone else dying! thats cool that families are getting slaughtered no biggie! he only cared when it personally affected him which is…. disgusting. like hes morally BAD. 

like contrast that to regulus who joined the death eaters around the same age as snape because of familial pressure but then when he got in and like saw what was going on and what they were doing he was like “this is fucked up i cant do this” and sabotaged voldemort. snape had no such conscience lol. 

and lets say youre willing to overlook all of that (which, if thats the case… um…. how…) but for arguments sake lets say you are. /why/ is snape so mean to harry???????????????? because he looks like james???? thats a reason i gUess but not an excuse like. he bullies a child for YEARS because harry looks like his teenage rival?? oh my goD snape is such a huge baby i cant even desCRIBE. 

and /why/ is he so mean to NEVILLE???? WHAT DID NEVILLE EVER DO TO HIM?? ? ? hes neville’s /worst fear/ !!!!!!!!!!!!! and hes HORRIBLE to hermione like HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its completely inexcusable…. he gets lupin FIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LUPIN WHO STRUGGLES TO HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR FOOD BECAUSE HES A WEREWOLF OH MY GOD I HATE SNAPE SO MUCH. I HATE HIM. I HAAAATEEEE HIM.

tl;dr: snape is a giant man baby who joined a genocidal terrorist organization of his own volition and then only switched sides when it personally affected him and then even when he was “”good””” he continued to act like a total asshole.  

[a-baleful-howl]

Love your comments on D being "queen of the ashes." It's interesting to note, D isn't obsessed with ruling or being an effective queen or making compromises or learning how to not fail the common people. She's obsessed with power. That's all she's had. She hasn't had the love of the common people. She hasn't been effective. She hasn't enjoyed ruling. She just likes having power. If she continues down this path all season, I really wonder if J will sleep with her at all. Complete opposites.

Thanks so much! I agree, she is certainly obsessed with power now. But “thats all shes had” and “she hasn’t had the love of the common people” - I have to respectfully disagree.

She started out with nothing - no power, no people, no armies, not even really a title worth anything more than “the daughter of that mad king everyone hated”. She grew power slowly over time, bit by bit with sheer stubbornness and pride. She didn’t always have power - but she is obsessed with it now after shes gotten a taste. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

Also, she has had the love of the common people - sometimes. Her brother and her were helped by loyalists growing up. As Khaleesi with Drogo, the Dothraki grew to love her. When most left after their Khal died, a few stayed with her, and their loyalty and love was reborn thrice when she rose from the flames. These people followed her when she had nothing but 3 newborn dragons amidst starvation and certain death.

Afaik, not a single unsullied dropped their weapon and ran when she “freed” them. Grey Worm says the best day of his life is when Dany freed him. When she freed the slaves of Meeren they praised her and loved her for freeing her - at first. Some slaves wanted to go back into slavery because it was what they were comfortable with. The masters hated her for obvious reasons.

Every where she went she saw people praising her, giving her a new title to slap on, worshipping her and her dragons. If there were people who hated her - she ignored them because…idk denial? Willful ignorance? Cockiness? She likes to think of herself as a savior and that she knows better than the common people. She started off with kindness as her motivation - she didnt like seeing people abused and enslaved like she was by her brother. But shes forgotten that now. She just wants power and revenge.

But “love and devotion” is definitely *not* something Dany lacks. Dothraki, Jorah, Beric, Grey Worm, Daario, slaves, red priestesses, Tyrion, Varys, High Garden, Dorne - to Dany, everywhere she goes is paved with roses and people who adore her. Even if thats not always true. But to her it is. (and, most of her “friends” are actually not equal to her. She doesnt allow herself to have any true equals. Even Missande is still technically her subordinate. Dany says she wants council but often ignores it for what she wants to do anyway.)

She hasn’t changed her style since the very beginning. Screaming for and taking what she thinks she is entitled to. She rules with fire, and by “buying” loyalty, in a way, by freeing slaves. Shes not a queen, she hasn’t learned how to rule - she comes in, fucks shit up, then heads out to a new place. She hasnt changed tactics at all or shown any sort of learning - and if she has any character development at all - its to become more darker and power hungry. She never listens to her council - often they tell her to use mercy, she doesnt, and then it bites her in the ass.

This is the complete opposite of Jon. Jon at least now is showing mercy because his personal revenge is NOTHING compared to the coming storm. He helped the Free Folk because he got to know them, grew empathy for them, sees them as people. He doesn’t see the free folk as being indebted to him, or his army now because he helped them. They choose to fight because its also their life on the line. He never expected to become Lord Commander or even KitN. He doesn’t feel entitled. He doesn’t rule with fire or fear. He rules with respect and by fighting for the survival of the people - not to get more power for himself. He truly is a ruler for the people. Started from humble beginnings as a bastard.

so - Targbang. I have no idea how that will make any sense in the plotline tbh. Unless my post about Jon screwing the first non-sister he sees to let off some steam holds true. Or maybe she seduces him (I frankly cant see Jon initiating sex first with ANYONE)

I have lots of Jonerys friends who are whole heartedly rooting for them as endgame. I just cant see it. They are totally different in their goals, their motivations, their personalities, their methods. Dany conquered and claimed lands - Jon was always VOTED into his positions of power. Chosen by the people - he didn’t kick the door in and proclaim himself king.

I cant see Dany playing fair with Jon, allying with him or being concerned with his fight against the white walkers. Shes just too cocky to put her quest for power aside. Shes growing restless. She wants the iron throne now. And she kills people who are in her way for the iron throne, so if she finds out he’s a Targ, she might not be too happy about that. (or maybe shell be happy to have another Targ - but come on, she killed the last remaining one)

once Jon hears or sees how Dany chooses to rule/fight/win, he would lose. his. cool. She is a villain on paper (except the whole freeing slaves, which is probably her single only redeeming quality) The entire show has shown that a quest for power is only sought by those dark of heart. She is more and more showing traits of the mad king - the show keeps blatantly pointing them out. Foreshadowing her potential to turn into him.

I honestly think she will become full dark at least by the end of this season. She might have a redeeming moment near the end of the series, but I honestly don’t think shes going to survive the show and her obsession with power and the iron throne will be her downfall. So even if Jon sleeps with her either before he finds out who she truly is or in a moment of weakness - an actual relationship cannot last. They are just too different people.

Also, Im REALLY hoping Varys and Tyrion will realize this and switch sides to take down evil!dany after shes full on corrupted by power. MUAHAHAHAHA

OK. rant over. Long post, sorry. TL;DR- I (mostly) totally agree with you. Thanks for the ask!

[youmeanlove]

could you talk more about ur s/i dr pepper? im curious abt him and i wanna know how he interacts w wilson

HEH. im gonna use third person pronouns for him bc its easier in this context but!!!

I WROTE AN ESSAY AND IT WONT LET ME ADD A READMORE IM SO SORRY 

hes pretty much how i see my future if i succeeded professionally but epic failed in the emotional and mental department LOL! he’s a heart surgeon (?? maybe i havent decided on a specialty yet bc theyre all sexy) thats just tha tone tumblr post that says “the fact that i am constantly saying strange and unpleasant things is just part of my charm.”

for now unless i think of something better him and james were close in pre-med and medical school that they attended together! different specialties but they were able to talk enough to get rly close to each other and just have that classic gay academia friendship yknow? at that time in their lives they were both pretty..apathetic i guess? driven about their careers, but rly just floating along in other facets of life like their relationships and opinions and all that stuff! it was fun for a friendship but when you start getting gay for your bro and neither of you have the emotional capacity or strength to confront it things start to get a little messy lol...

james at that time was still the kind of veiled selflessness that he is when hes older but he was definitely very much aggressive about umm acting as if he had a complete sense of self and knew who he was/where we was going! it frustrated him that his good pal boston pepper had a habit of questioning everyones motives and feelings out loud which i slike so annoying boston please stop. and so eventually after enough of boston half-trying to place all the weight of their gay feelings on james and james completely ignoring it they kind of got into the ‘i like you and i dont want to so i am going to make myself hate you’ fight! it absolutely didnt work but they did both see it as a mutual agreement to back off and stop talking to each other as much : (((

so they moved on w their lives got jobs separate but close to each other and boston just watched as james got himself involved in 3 whole failed marriages and a ton of other girlfriends like :((( homie im sorry but ur gay.... boston wasnt doing much better tho he became even more like eeuuuuuuu world is a fuck born to say random thoughts that ocme to me in the middle of interactions and push everyone away because im ~~~weird~~~~...if that makes sense???

anyway they started working closely again around the time a year or two before house gathered up his first diagnostician team! it was very awks to see each other again but honestly neither of them rly tried to escape the situation bc like..hi old friend i love you so much lets sadly catch up over coffee....

writing this is making me realize i still havent figured out how we actually end up datingKJHFSJF is this just pining forever???? im not sure but!! their personalities are similar to how they were in college but with more intensity and more aversion to conflict. aka even more skirting around issues!

one thing is that boston is very umm..i guess it would seem to a lot of ppl hes someone that needs to be helped (not to say he isnt but he doesnt exactly like to be seen like that) which is just emotional candy for jamesKFHJFD he definitely worked more to insert himself into bostons life and habits and all that - partly as a way to just enter his life again and stay friends and partly bc he cannot hold back from trying to ‘fix’ ppl. boston was like okay yeah ill roll with this bc i miss my bro even tho it annoys me and makes me hella paranoid

im kind of losing the point here but! over time despite the fact that they both knew their reasoning for acting they way they are isnt really the best At All it did help to foster a friendship again and they do just act gay and kiss each other and dont talk about itJKFHSJ but dont worry itll be talked about it will.....

okay yeah i really got off track what i mean to say is. james likes to hover over boston and offer way too much attention under the guise of just wanting to be a friend and help the guy out! boston knows how wilson is and knows he wants to help boston to help himself and its a compeltely self-destructive selflessness but he wants to pretend he doesnt care and that this is all for friendship! they really offend each other a lot because of the different ways they care and interact but they do share similarities in how they finally Do talk about situations... when they both reach a certain point of frustrations theyll be completely honest tho it can all be a bit aggressive and DRAMATIC.

but no matter what dr pepper is a weird disconnected little man that cares about his patients but not himself (similar to wilson in that way) and all he wants to spend his time doing is sitting on the couch with wilson and complain about the news (which they do often)! 

i guess at this point in the story in my head theyre very clashing in thier personalities but theyre so endeared and in love they just need to find a way to get past their inner issues and how they act in relationships and then boom! gay time! also they need to stop dating ladies theyre gay therye fucking ggay

THIS MADE NO SESNEJKFHSJF I HOPE U CAN GLEAN ANYTHING FROM IT!!!!

[swearronchanel]

Impromptu post, thoughts during 5.05

I'm so pissed I literally lost an earring at some point today and just realized. So I ripped my dorm room apart looking for it (no luck of course) and now it's 9:30 so I already missed half of the new episode of Jane the Virgin. Also my earrings are from Tiffany's, they were a Christmas gift a couple years ago & I can't afford to replace it😭 whatever you guys don't care about this, I'm so tired but I refuse to fall asleep at 9:30pm because I'll wake up at like 5am. So I decided to watch a random episode of Call The Midwife and share my thoughts.

Ok I'm going with 5.05, since we just saw 6.05 lol, idk If there's any logic but just go with it alright

ah the old credits, I really like the new ones though. Especially the color

"We were moving from a time of guessing.." I love how the show explains & shows that times are changing

The health report! Littt

"I feel a drumroll is in order" Shelagh is so precious!! 💖 I love her Scottish accent && side note I still wish they would mention one day how she got London. It literally does not matter at all but we know next to nothing about her past and im curious ?! More of Shelagh’s past pls

WAIT ONE OF MY FAV SHELAGH LINES IS COMING

"Patrick Turner, GP License to Practice Medicine and Secret Agent Shelagh Turnova save Poplar from ill health and disease!" I LOVE ITTTT😂 ONE OF HER BEST LINES EVER DONT @ ME, her laugh at the end is priceless ah! Shelagh is lowkey funny af she just rarely gets to opportunity and again Laura Main is an actual gem 😍

KEEP FIT

Trixie looking so good😍 i need her to whip my ass back in to shape. i havent worked out in like 3 months yikes

but seriously is this really my train of thoughts if i dont mention how perfect Helen George is?

yea its fuccking cancer, cigs are no joke

lol did they really not notice Tim reading Freud?

Also why did Shelagh ever think smoking cigarettes was a good idea after she freaking had tb? i forgive her though shes my bby💕

phyllis! my mother and hero

oh yea this lady cant read

forgot she was a ex-prostitute

vi and fred doing jumping jacks im dead, theyre a cute couple

Where did frankincense come from??

lol violet didnt wanna give up the bathroom door "we may be married but i still have my dignity"

Mrs Dooly? Is that her name (idk)

I can so see Shelagh delivering her baby herself like this lady did, but obviously she’d know what’s happening. You think Shelagh is going to freak out while giving birth though? hmm  

"I do like a milky brew" WHY IS THAT FUNNY😂😂 I like the Delia & Sister MJ interaction

PHYLLIS TRYING TO RIDE A BIKE IS SYMBOLISM FOR ME TRYING TO GET THROUGH THIS SEMESTER #barelymanaging

does laying on a door really help a messed up back?

Those awful sleeves on Delia's uniform *cringe*

"I am not trusted with medical emergencies" I TRUST YOU SISTER MJ💕 lowkey hope the delivery sister MJ is involved in is Shelagh's

If I had to deliver my own baby I'd be freaking the fuck out too, like I'm not Dr Quinn

The Nonnatus Fam all at the table makes me happy😭

Sister Winifred rolling her eyes in the back 😂😂😂

"I'll be washing my hair and reading magazines from now on" yo sister Winifred is growing on me tbh?? Wow lol

"Ive always assumed the results of the male organ to be more rewarding than the organ itself" 😂😭 love sister MJ

Everyone in the convent shook😂 again sister W has the best reactions 😂 dick jokes are 100x funnier when they're made in a convent & 1000x funnier when they're made by a nun

Shelagh's "percussion" on Tim's back I'm dead lmfaoo

I don't remember if she has post partum ?

Fred taking over the shop😂 I miss when Fred used to scam though😭

"I'm missing my monthlys" "monthly whats?" Oh Fred cmon 😂

Tim snatching those cigarettes

Barbara trying to measure this lady😂😂 she's so awkward, love it

She leaves her baby outside smh

"Gosh James knows how to show a chap a nice time"  ANOTHER GREAT SHELAGH LINE😂 give my bby more great lines 😭😂

I LOVE CHEEKY SHELAGH, I LOVE SHELAGH ALL THE TIME EVEN WHEN SHE HAS NO LINES OR IS CRYING AND SAD (WHICH IS TOO OFTEN & WE NEEDA CUT THAT OUT)

Laura Main and Helen George calmly ruined me, I never was like this? How did I end up literally crying every week for fictional characters ??

Shelagh and Patrick's faces were so smug just now I love it

Yikes those lungs

Reminds me of all the gross anti smoking commercials. Also Patrick is shook but I'm not too surprised

I love that Phyllis is so understanding and doesn't judge any patient  💕

"You have the rest of your life to get the hang of it" I NEEDED THAT TOO PHYLLIS THANKS

LMAO FRED "Because hell will freeze over first"

so yes post partum??

Phyllis is annoyed bc she wants to work on her Spanish and babs is taking too long with the dishes 😂😂te querio mucho phyllis

Tim sparking up lol 🚬

Here comes trouble

I wanna rip Patrick's index finger off. Remember that time he wagged his finger and Shelagh and I was ready TO FREAKING FLIP

but yea wtf you knew this would happen Tim

Shelagh's just like "Tim no" I love u Shelagh but what does that do lmao your husband is exploding

"You'll what, light it for me!?" BOYYYY ARE YOU BRAVE KID

If I responded like that my parents would've flipped, there most likely would've been a chancla coming at me  😭😂

But seriously Patrick should know better not to smoke lol

What does Roxanne mean this isn't real??

Aw cute Patrick and Tim moment, and a year later they're getting drunk off one beer and throwing darts into the wall😂

I want to see more of Phyllis with babies aww

Also not really related but I hope Phyllis has some good lines defending the pill when it comes back up. Remember when she had babs shook when she told the story of the soldier she spent a weekend away with😏 imagine her telling the other nurses?

Used to hang out at a Jazz club Patrick?? lol interesting  

damn get that radium treatment man

"The real magic is keeping on when all you want to do is run" Phyllis Fucking Crane spilling the tea as always. How did I not like her once upon a time??

Could Shelagh get any cuter eating biscuits? No she could not

lol biscuits aren't just for fainters!! Ah I don't miss sister Ursula 🙃

that's not your mother😐 (I knew where she was going though but you know I'm gonna say it anyway)

More Shelagh and Phyllis interaction yes pls

How much is a shilling? #ignorantamerican

Fred hiding from the costumers 😂😂

Yes Vi! Defend ur man & kick this rude ass lady out

Lol now Patrick telling other people to quit smoking. Don Draper tried man, it's gonna take u a while 😭

I'm here for the Phyllis and Sister W dynamic (more now that Phyllis is teaching her how to drive 😂)

Ah I love going back to old episodes when I know what happens in the future, also I notice things I didn't notice before and make connections and yea, you catch my drift lmao

"We don't choose to be unloved by those who should love us"💔

we truly don't deserve Phyllis. SHE'S TALKING ABOUT HER MOTHER AND IM CRYING

"Shame will keep us in all kinds of prisons if we let it" 😭😭😭

Patrick has a puppy face rn

Wait they went this long without naming the baby??

omg speaking of that, I really want to know what the gender of baby Turner is going to be and what it will be named😭😭

Vi is precious lol & Fred lifting her is cute. Patrick never lifts Shelagh😂

Aw speaking of my bbys💕💕

So precious it’s almost strange Turner family moment

Why do so many people hate that couch? Like it doesn't bother me or maybe I don't care enough about the background?

Angela has grown so much in a year wow, she looks a lot younger here

lol Shelagh and Patrick are like "um wtf psychology??" 😂

Wait Angela made a noise😂 when will she actually speak??

Haha Shelagh you're going to need new dresses but you don't know yet 😭😂💕 I still can't believe she's having a baby. I Love it.

"You're my world" lol that was so cute but also I still think Tim is too perfect of a child?? what teenager is so pleasant with his parents all the time 😂 plus he's always with them and his baby sister? #givetimalife2k17aka1962

Aww all the cute concluding moments & Vanessa Redgrave saying something profound and we are done.