#draw fat people. coward

[gayestcowboy]

it’s so lame and boring and straight up embarrassing when artists don’t draw fat people,,, y’all are such cowards. draw fat people or perish at my hand

[snailcubezz]

every time a fat character is drawn skinny an angel dies or however that goes

[the-heaminator]

Katya

*nods* Katya. Basically she's quite plump but can and will snap you in half if you press her too much. She doesn't look very strong but can bench Matthew. Which is saying something.

Her tits sag a little more I was just unable to draw that so please keep it in mind

Nudity and tits under the cut

[bugstung]

People are allowed to draw whatever they want and shit ig but also people who draw Impulse as just buff so they can draw him big without having to draw fat are the biggest cowards

[wizardrights]

gotta love it when artists make those posts with all their compiled art, different skin tones and hair styles and everything, but not one single fat person

[raziraphale]

I've given up expecting people to bother learning to draw fat characters but tbh it's just sad when people can't even handle an average body type. like you have eyeballs in your skull. you KNOW that woman's waist isn't that snatched, right? then why are you doing this to her. you're hurting her

[mousegirlheart]

"don't tell people what to draw"

no, fuck you. draw more fat people. coward.

[cure-typhoon]

People who draw Karkat fat but Commander Karkat muscular and thin hehehe don't be a coward and draw him muscular and fat he is still going to be hot anyway 🗣️📣

[lovedreamer11]

About how Rhaenyra remained recorded in historical chronicles as a princess after her death

How else? This is Westeros, guys. A patriarchal and at times misogynistic society in which a woman's purpose is to bear heirs and be submissive to her husband.

Read about how the chronicles write about women who differed from the norm of the Seven Kingdoms and Essos.

Rhaenys and Visenya. Both were queens, both fought in battle, both sat on the Iron Throne and ruled in Aegon's absence. Visenya wounded Aegon with her sword. How many women in Westeros could, in the presence of witnesses, draw a sword from its scabbard, attack their husband and challenge his opinion? And that's how it all ended. Rumors were spread about Rhaenys that she allegedly cheated on her husband, and her only son was a bastard. Visenya was allegedly a dark witch and was involved in the death of her husband.

During the reign of Meria Martell, Dorne did not fall to the dragons. Yes, Dorne turned into a desert during the war with the Targaryens, but centuries later, the Dornish are proud of their origins, proud that they remained rebellious, proud that their ancestors were able to kill one of the Conquerors' dragons. But nevertheless, in historical chronicles they write about Meria as a liar and a coward, and her enemies spread rumors that the princess had intercourse with a stallion.

As a teenager, Rhaena Targaryen was not as outgoing and charming as her sister Alysanne. She loved to fly on a dragon wherever she wanted, and did not hide her affection for her ladies-in-waiting. While on tour with her parents and brothers, Rhaena didn't want to waste her time cozying up to a horde of strange lords. As a result, she was not popular and people began to spread rumors that the princess had lost her virginity to a commoner, which was not true.

Daenerys began to conquer Essos and abolish slavery, and remember how many vile lies people told Quentyn Martell about her.

And Rhaenyra? She was to be the first woman to be a full queen rather than a consort. They began to slander her from the very moment it became clear that Viserys would not make Aegon his heir.

Alicent began to spread rumors about twelve or thirteen year old Rhaenyra's affair with Criston, and she also disputed the parentage of Rhaenyra's eldest sons, and her green supporters eagerly supported her. Eustace constantly talked about how Rhaenyra had become a fat ugly creature that no one wanted, and she, dressed in armor, was allegedly cut by the Iron Throne. Mushroom shared his depraved fantasies about Rhaenyra with those around him. Have you noticed that when Mushroom said something unpleasant about Aegon the Usurper, people remind him that Mushroom was a court jester and you shouldn’t believe everything he said, but nevertheless all his stories about Rhaenyra were supposedly “the pure truth” .

If you want to know my point of view, Aegon the Usurper could live a long life, eat babies, turn the castle into a brothel, sacrifice virgins, but people would still remember him as a king because he was a man. I'm sure that even if Rhaenyra had come to the throne peacefully and her reign had been successful, there would still be people arguing that Rhaenyra should not have been queen and that she stole the throne from her younger brother.

[elisysd]

8. Need you more than I want to

Masterlist - Previously - Next

Chapter soundtrack : Shameless - Camila Cabello

He was the last person you expected to be in front of your door, but here he was. Seeing him there, a little disheveled, his hair a mess, had the effect of sobering you up. 

“What are you doing here?” you asked. “How did you get my room number?”

He didn’t answer, only arched an eyebrow and it made you sighed. You were annoyed, frustrated, in total disbelief. You couldn’t understand why he was there. You couldn’t find a justification that would be important enough for him to find you there. 

“I have my ways to get what I want.”

“Of course… little prince of Monaco. It comes with perks. One of them being to disturb the privacy of people, I assume.” you bitterly commented. 

“I want an explanation”

“You want an explanation?” you repeated. 

“Your behavior, your questions! I don’t understand them! I don’t understand you! I thought we were friends, that we built something and you are still the annoying girl I’ve met the first time in Bahrain! What did I do? I deserve to know.”

“You deserve? Deserve? Who do you think you are? It’s not because we have a good relationship outside of the tracks that I have to change the ways I do my job. I’m not here to please you, I’m not here to praise you, I’m not here to pat you on the back. It’s not what is asked from me. If you don’t like it, that is your problem not mine. I’m staying professional out there.”

You were harsh, you knew it and saying you were enjoying drawing a line between your personal relationship with Charles and the one you had on the tracks, was a big fat lie. 

“And where was your professionalism when you were dancing and flirting with Mick?” he asked, furious.

You took a step back, as if his bitter question had physically hurt you. You could feel tears welling up in your eyes. You briefly closed them and proceeded to ignore him as you made your way to your door, not hesitating to push him a little. You wouldn’t make him the pleasure to see you hurt. You fumbled with your key until you managed to open your door and entered the room. You were not quick enough to prevent Charles from following you inside. 

“Mick is my friend.”

“So you do make friends with some drivers, nice to know. Make you even more hypocrite than I thought.”

“Mick and I understand each other. Not that I should justify myself to you.”

“I understand you too! I try to! I’m trying here, can’t you see? But you prefer to push me away  because you know what? You are scared. You are scared of the bond we could have. So you’re fleeing, like a coward.”

It made you snap.

“You have no right to stand here and judge me. When did I give you the permission to do so? We are friends. I let you in, despite everything I let you in. I told you about my brother, I let you see me be vulnerable, I’ve done more things with you than with any other drivers and here you are, asking for what? More? I give you enough, Charles! And maybe I could give you even more but I need time! I need to find the right balance between professional and personal and yeah, fine, maybe it was not right of me to be like that with you. But I’m trying! I will make mistakes but I don’t want you to throw them in my face every damn time. And if you can’t handle that, then maybe it’s best if you leave and if we stop being friends.”

You swore you had seen a flash in his eyes and before you even had time to register what was happening, you felt his hands around your waist and his lips on yours, kissing you like his life depended on it. Before you could even process it, you kissed him back as his teeth bit your lower lip. And that’s when you finally fully understood what was going on. You let go of him, took a step back and before you even knew it, you felt your hand moving on its own to slap his face, getting him out of the trance he was in. 

“Y/N… I… I’m sorry, I just…  I don’t know where that comes from, I…” he stuttered. 

“Leave, Charles. I think it’s best.” you calmly answered, opening the door as you saw him rushing out, without a second glance to you. 

You were a coward. He was right. Because if you had just an ounce of bravery you wouldn't seriously consider not attending Barcelona. How could you face him? How would you be able to do your job properly? Your thoughts were all over the place. You were thinking about his lips on yours, about his hands around your waist and how good it felt. He was even haunting you in your dreams. Very sweet dreams that were making you blush whenever you were thinking about them.  As the race was approaching you were feeling more and more anxious to the point your work was starting to pay the price, something Marion ended up noticing. When she confronted you, you simply said that you were not feeling good lately.

“If you want to skip Barcelona, you can. I can cover for you. I know how tiring traveling can get. If you need to sit this one out, don’t worry, okay?” she reassured you and never you had felt so relieved. 

“I want to come, I just don’t feel good enough for the interviews.”

“So you can be in the pitlane at the start, if it is more convenient for you.”

“I would like that.”

“Did something happen? You loved the interviews.” she asked. 

“No!” you answered a little too fast for your liking. “It’s just the perspective of staying in a crowded place, with little space to move… And I want to experiment something new.”

“Then it is settled! The pitlane will be waiting for you.”

Hell on earth. That’s what Barcelona felt like to Charles. He was not happy at all about his performance, nor was he of the team’s. He was pissed off. About everything but as much as he was trying to convince himself otherwise, he knew the underlying issue. An issue that could be summed up in five letters. A kiss. A stupid kiss. It was a mistake and he couldn’t believe how stupid he could have been?  His multiple texts, sent as apologies, had stayed unanswered. But he understood. He messed up, probably scared you off and he was the only one to blame. 

“Charles, you have to leave the room, I don’t want an aggressive driver during our meetings.” Fred had firmly said when he had blown up in anger.

He couldn’t let his private life influence his driving and his relationship with the team. And he couldn’t keep lying to himself. He had to act on his feelings properly or he had to forget about you. There was no in between. But in any case, he had to talk to you and you had to listen. He knew you were around and he was determined to make you listen. 

Y/N

Can we talk? 

We have to. 

We NEED to.

He saw his texts immediately opened and it gave him hope. 

Please. It won’t be long. 

When he noticed the three dots indicating you were typing he almost let out a sigh of relief. 

You’re right. We have to. 

You sent him your address and the time she would be there. An hour. It was a lot of time to think about what he was going to tell you and at the same time it was not enough. He felt like a high school teenager about to confess to his crush and he felt so stupid. It had never happened to him before. He usually was confident around women, he knew how good looking he was and how charming he could be. But with you, he was a mess. You were making him so nervous. A mix of good kind and bad kind. He didn’t know how you would react, if you would slap him again or kiss him until you both would be out of breath. He liked an option better than the other.

He had bought tulips on his way to your door. And when he was in front of it, he suddenly found the idea very stupid. It’s not like you would be able to keep them. But it was reassuring for him, maybe it would make you smile. The door finally opened, revealing you, still in your work clothes. You were so pretty. He had always noticed it but today you were pretty in a candid way. It made him gulp, especially since you were still very silent as you sat down on your bed looking at him, waiting for his next move. Move he had no idea what it would be. So he started pacing the room, hoping to find the right words, the flowers still in hands. He finally stopped, ran a hand in his hair and looked at you. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. Especially because of the reasons that led me to kiss you. I admit, I was jealous of Mick. A real and fat feeling of jealousy like I’ve never experienced before. Seeing you laugh with him and be your carefree self with someone other than me made me feel things I didn’t expect to feel. It was stupid and selfish to hope that the side of you that you've shown me in New York would be for me only. You told me about your brother, you gave me access to your life in New York, the way you acted around me and then the friendly texts… I think I got confused. Maybe I misread the entire situation. For that I’m sorry. Bur gosh, I’m not sorry to have kissed you. It made me realize that my feelings were everything but friendly. I have a crush on you. I like you a whole lot. It’s stupid, I know. But it is there. It exists. And I can’t help it.” he said in one breath.

You sighed and stood up, moving next to him and taking his free hand in yours. 

“I can’t reciprocate it, Charles. I’m so sorry.”

“You can’t or you don’t, because these are two different things? he asked, slightly hurt but expecting your answer and when he saw you hesitating he knew not everything was lost. That he was right to hope. 

“You’re nice and caring and you did it, you know. You showed me that there were not only assholes out there. Your presence in my life is a breath of fresh air and the companionship I didn't know I needed. I value our friendship. A lot more than what you can imagine. But I don’t want to sacrifice my career. It’s my dream and my little brother’s. He wanted to see me there and I won’t jeopardize it. I can’t. I would never forgive myself if I was messing it up. For Luc, I can’t do that.” you explained, tears in your eyes.

Charles slowly got closer, caressed your cheek and put two fingers under your chin in order to make you look at him. He could read the dilemma you were going through and it hurt him more than a rejection would have. 

“I understand. But you don’t have to choose. You can have your career and you can have me.”

You shook your head. 

“As much as I would like it, it doesn’t work like that, Charles. I don’t think it’s possible.”

“And I think you’re wrong. Let me show you that you can have the best of both worlds.”

You let out a small laugh. He would not give up. 

And his promise started the next day as you were checking in at the airport. 

“You’ve been upgraded to first class, Miss.”

“Wait, what?” you asked, as Marion and Jean let out an impressed sigh. 

“Well, you’re registered as a first class passenger in our online base.”

“But how?” you insisted. 

“I don’t know, miss, and it’s not really my problem now if you can move out of the way, you’re not the only passenger.”

You reluctantly moved to let Marion and Jean check in. As they were doing so, you took you phone out to find a text from Charles and suddenly, it was all clearer. 

Would you be with me, that would become your daily life.

Those few words messed with your head during the whole flight and when you finally got back to your flat. You were exhausted. Your best friend was supposed to arrive soon and you hoped that she would be able to make you forget about Charles. You took a quick shower and soon the doorbell rang, telling you that she had arrived. She jumped into your arms, begging you to tell her everything. 

“I don’t have much to tell. It was work, you know.” you avoided her look on you, preparing water to boil. 

She sneaked next to you and moved her head to the side, her eyes staring at you, making you uncomfortable. 

“There’s something you are not saying.”

“Absolutely not.”

“You can never shut up about your job when I ask you questions and I find you very quiet right now. Spill.”

And you spilled. In details, from the moment you met Charles to Miami, to New York and the kiss in Monaco, ending your story to his confession in your hotel room. You were out of breath when you finished talking and you could feel your cheeks burning. 

“Atta girl. You have an F1 driver at your feet and you don’t jump on the occasion? What is wrong with you? “

“Why can’t anyone understand that it might cause conflicts with my job? Like bias, conflicts of interests… I can’t!” you sighed, annoyed. 

“Okay, fine, I get it. Now let me ask you something different. Imagine you’re not a journalist. In another world, you and Charles work a very tedious 9 to 5 job. You both end up in a bar, for an after work event. He sees you across the room, you do too and you think that damn, he is good looking. And he finds you pretty too. So he comes and buys you a drink that you accept, because who says no to free alcohol? Anyway, you have a chat and it lasts until the bar has to close. You were so deep into your conversation that you both didn’t notice the crowd leaving and the hour approaching the early hours of the next day. And then, he asks you out for a real date, because he finds in you everything he is searching for. What are you saying?”

You closed your eyes, imagined the scene and let a warm and comforting feeling settle in your chest. A smile escaped you. It felt nice. Peaceful. For the first time in a very long time, you felt excited about the perspective of something new, no matter how scary that could be. 

“I would have said yes.” you replied, opening your eyes.

“Then maybe you should hold onto that and give the poor guy a chance. You never know what could happen.” she smiled. 

And when she finally left your flat, after hours of talking, you took your phone and sent a text to Charles. A bold and thrilling feeling running through your body when you press send. 

Do you still want to prove to me that I can have the best of both worlds?

Author's note: Happy Easter everyone! Here's a little gift from me to you to celebrate! I knew you were waiting for that kiss... hehe

Don't hesitate to leave a comment or an ask, as well as reblogging and leaving a like. Besides the fact that I absolutely love to read you, it helps a lot for the story to find its audience. I also have a taglist for this story, so if you want to be added so you never miss a chapter, let me know.

If you wanna be part of the taglist, let me know.

Taglist: @itsjustkhaos @thirstylion @cmleitora @charizznorizz @sltwins @boherahpsody @herondalism @roseamongthorns13 @aundercover @snowflakesfluff @fictional-l0v3r

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[fallenhunnyapple]

Decided to do a kinda.. design breakdown for my version of Sinner Adam cuz there's a number of deliberate choices.

Piercings

Left eyebrow ring piercing

Two Hoops on the Left ear

Two chained studs on the Right ear + dangly triangle

Tongue piercing

Snake bites

Nipple barbells

Before becoming a sinner, the only piercings he had were tongue and ears because he could get away with them without Sera chastising him

The snake bites were just There when he became a Sinner and the irony pisses him off, but they're definitely not the only snake bites he's getting :3c

The eyebrow piercing and ear piercings also just Were There when he became a Sinner. The only ones he got afterwards were the nipple piercings and that's because he finally learned why males have nipples and a little of wanting to please his dom

He's got some vaguely goatish/sheepy details

He has the long rectangular pupils that give him an advantage to lateral views which, given the fact that he's severely Nerfed, is an advantage he needs.

Obviously his horns are an homage to the ones on his helmet but have the grooves that are more common in ram horns.

He got ears that are somewhere between floppy sheep ears and elf ears. They can move a bit up and down but they're not super mobile.

Wings

His wings are a dull golden color, nothing like the vibrancy of his wings as an Angel. And more than that, they're Literally Clipped. He can't use them as wings, he's completely grounded. He can't put them away either so he has a constant reminder of the fact that his wings are Useless. He still uses them protectively, they're still big enough to at least partially cover himself (or Lucifer when need be)

Tail

He has a classic long spaded tail. Naturally, it's All Black, but because of his deal with Lucifer, there's a Red Mark on it, not unlike the heart marks on Lucifer and Charlie's tails.

Scars/Marks

Adam has a number of these. Of course he has the scar along his torso from when his rib was removed. That's something so deeply engrained in him that even coming back as a Sinner doesn't remove that.

He also has the Scars from Niffty going absolutely wild with the knife. Instead of just a single classic X where the main blow was, he has a number of scars littering his chest and back, the first and worst Stab being the most visible. These scars have a bit of a golden hue to them because they were scars to his Angelic Body.

His Apple mark is something Lucifer deliberately left there. It's also like a Golden hued Scar, and it acts like a Brand. After all, their deal is for him to lend Adam protection, but he can't Always Be there, so a mark like that should help deter anything too bad from happening since it's Very Clear that Adam belongs to Lucifer. It hasn't always worked to plan, but it does give some level of protection when Adam is on his own, especially in the beginning where he doesn't trust or like anyone in the hotel and vice versa.

Bonus notes

I know I don't really draw Adam as Soft as a lot of people do, but he's definitely not Skinny. To me, because of his position as Leader of Heaven's army and being responsible for training the Exorcists and also just getting involved with Exterminations himself, I see it more as like a balance of muscle and fat, solid and soft. In other AUs where his lifestyle is different, so is his body type to me. But in this one, this is the kinda dad bod type I give him. (The lack of hair is because I am a coward and don't really like body hair so I don't wanna draw it for my own stuff)

Also: I have Sinner Adam's hair, skin, wings, and wardrobe all be much more muted colors than how I draw him as an Angel and that's also deliberate. No more divine light for this guy, so it's left him dull and dark.

As for why I don't have him with a face resembling his mask: While I do appreciate that choice for other people's designs, to me it's got a lot to do with my Dysmorphia Headcanons. He doesn't like how Human his face is, it's one of the things he has the most insecurities about. So of course Hell is gonna exploit them and give him a face that's so very similar to his human/angel One. He doesn't get away from it that easy.

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk

Tbh if anyone wants to hear anything else about that AU, or any other, any details or questions, please feel free to Ask. I love getting to talk about my ideas, I just don't know how usually lol

[poopyboiman]

I see people draw heavy as a big fluffy cat most of the time which is valid but also a coward move because heavy is bald and it’s about time someone draws him as the fat, jacked bald cat he is supposed to be

[vyvilha]

it's so sad to me how all modern depictions of rusalka are that of a beautiful young woman when in folklore rusalka has equal chance of being described as a beautiful young woman and a fat ugly old hag. i've NEVER seen people drawing fat ugly old hag rusalky. cowards

[sixteenthchapel]

Hello! Just wanted to say that I'm in love with your art and ur one of the people that made me fall in love with jttw jdjdje Also ur characterization of Wukong and Tripitaka makes their dynamic so charming and amusing 😭 (They r so dumb god)

Random question! Do you have a favourite moment in the book?

First of all, thank you so much!! oh my gosh that is so kind TToTT I'm really happy you liked them!! The pilgrims all being dumb together is my favorite thing hhaha As to your question, oh man, absolutely. Its more a bunch of moments all from one chapter. My favorite chapter of the book goes something like this: And I've said this before but should say again, it has been several years since I read the novel cover to cover, so I may not remember all the details just right, but as I recall it, my favorite chapter is the one immediately following the story of the White Bone Devil, which is one of the most famous chapters. But to me, the story of the White Bone Devil is nothing compared to their ridiculous conflict with Lord Yellow Robe, Kui Mulang.

After Monkey is banished by Tripitaka, he goes back to Mt Huaguo, leaving Pigsy and Sandy to look after the priest. Which goes about as well as you'd think. Pigsy says he'll go find food, then just takes a nap, Sandy I think goes looking for him, and when they both don't come back for a while, Tripitaka goes looking for them and ends up walking DIRECTLY into this demon's lair.

When Sandy and Pigsy learn of the priest's capture, they attempt to stage a rescue. During the middle of the fight, Pigsy thinks they're going to lose so tells Sandy to cover him, he has to go take as shit IMMEDIATELY. Runs into the bushes, and escapes all the while Sandy is captured and yelling at him for being a fat, useless, coward (rude.. but in this case very true lol)

Pigsy, now alone and unsure what to do, flies to Mt Huaguo to find Monkey and ask him to come back and save everyone. He tells him everything that's happened, and that Trip has been captured and will surely die if he doesn't help. Even after hearing all that, Monkey refuses. He's still upset that Trip dismissed him and thinks dying and reincarnating ought to teach the brat a lesson! Pigsy gives up at first, skulking off and mumbling to himself about what a flea-ridden bastard Monkey is... this is overheard by some of Monkey's minions who deliver the news to the king himself. Monkey orders Pigsy to be brought back for execution LOL Thinking on his feet, Pigsy tries to redirect Monkey's ire, and thinks one of my favorite lines in the novel. "A warrior is more likely to answer a challenge than an invitation".

He tells Monkey that it wasn't him... This demon, Lord Yellow Robe, he's the one who called Monkey a weak, pathetic, cowardly fool.

And this makes Monkey ENRAGED

Monkey springs into action, flying to confront this demon. Screaming about all the nasty things this demon said about him while Lord Yellow Robe has no idea who the hell this monkey is or why he's so pissed off.

And boy, does Monkey go HARD on this guy. After he beats him up and along with a bunch of his soldiers, the demon retreats into his lair and Monkey is left out. He can't find a way to get to him, so instead takes out his anger on Kui Mulang's wounded but still living soldiers, killing them all. He meets back up with Pigsy and Sandy and tells them his brilliant idea to draw the demon back out.

By taking his half-human children and killing them outside the gates, hoping that will enrage their father enough to come back out. Even his companions think he's malding a little hard

This has gone on awhile so to cut the rest short, Monkey is eventually "victorious". I think I recall a subplot about Trip being turned into a tiger too, and there was this captured princess subplot too.

But this is my fave chapter lol. Basically "Monkey Accidentally Saves The Day By Avenging An Imagined Insult To Himself"

Peak Monkey behavior, absolute mad lad, everyone is an idiot. Its just a mess and I love it.

[tsunflowers]

I'm going to complain about how other people draw big booby anime girls so read no further if this topic means nothing to you

thin women with big naturals certainly exist. I see one every day when I look in the mirror. but bc I am a real person there's something about my body that some artists seem afraid to draw, or maybe they simply don't know about how the human body works. I'm talking about fat distribution

when someone has large breasts the breast is mostly made up of fatty tissue. there's also glands and fibrous tissue in there but it's mostly fat that gives breasts their shape. this is why skinny people tend to be flat chested and fat people of any gender can have breasts

it makes no sense for someone to have large deposits of body fat in their chest only. fat is distributed around the entire body. it may not be distributed evenly and maybe you can change it through exercise but it's not going to be in your chest and nowhere else

I've brought a visual aid of myself enjoying the winter hot tub

there is fat in my thighs and my boobs as well as my stomach. and this is the key part to me. big naturals and flat stomach might not be 100% incompatible but the vast majority of the time they are. if you have big boobs you will have some tummy fat. if you have a flat stomach you will probably have smaller boobs bc you have less body fat overall

I see people arguing "it's bad to redesign big titty anime girls to be flatter bc thin women with big boobs exist and you're erasing them" and my argument is that rather than being flatter they should be fatter! you don't even have to draw truly fat women if that's too hard for you or hurts your feelings somehow. just think about the fact that breast size is correlated with body mass and to an extent with body fat and give your women a little squish in more than one place!

you are a coward and a fake if you want to see women who have huge tits but zero body fat anywhere else. my final message

[avatarkv]

Two hearts on the floor— one mine, both yours. (And when he died, the sun was buried with him)

You can’t seem to get over it— him.

Content and warning: Neteyam x Reader! Mentions of death. This is purely angst, trust me it does not get better haha good luck

“I want to go home,” You applied pressure to the bleeding wound, eyes never leaving his. Time was a ticking bomb and any second now could be the last so you pleaded— begged! Not now Eywa, you cried, don’t take my darling like this.

His cold hand gripped your wrist tightly, the other on Lo’ak and it only made you shudder in disbelief. The waves hit violently towards the shore and it was difficult to keep track of the voices; a mourning mother, the regret of a brother, and the mistake of Jake Sully— all from the loss of a first born. On top of that, your heart broke loudly that it became inaudible, like white noise growing higher and higher.

“Dad, I” He faltered and then, no more.

☆

“You still with me?” Neteyam tilted his head near yours, worry etched along the creases of his forehead. It was unlike you to be so quiet, especially in escapades with him during eclipses. Times like these were rare, given the responsibilities you both shouldered and the multiple eyes strictly watching over you.

“Sorry, what was it?” You asked, a sudden sting running through your head making you grimace.

“I said, I wanna finally tell my father,” Guilt immediately seized your insides; he was bawling his heart out and you had only spaced out. What was that gut-wrenching sting just then that had taken a piece of your mind?

“I’ve always been so conflicted when I’m not even supposed to— Heck, I’m only thirteen. I thought,” He palmed his face harshly, sighing deeply right after. “I thought I had it good, having Toruk Makto as a father. Five year old me was the proudest, if not a bit boastful too.”

A depressing pause followed after, his shagged breath growing deeper by the second, as if he carefully plucked the words already long buried. Neteyam wasn’t always the mighty warrior everyone drew him to be; he was a coward— terribly scared of what his father would say when his first born denies him of his demands.

“But now, there’s this huge difference that draws the line between being the Toruk Makto and a father and I deeply miss the latter.”

If people could hear how your heart cracked just now, it would bellow throughout pandora. You embraced him tightly, and he let out another sigh that sounded like it was plucked from the deepest pit of his stomach— like he carried all the problems of the world. Poor boy, only wanted what was best.

“I see you, my yawne.” You caressed his cheeks and he took the moment to fully bask in the heat of your palm. How long has it been when someone touched him like this? It was always you that gave him great comfort and he was grateful. “Your father will understand, so help knock some sense onto him, yes?”

He chuckled. “I see you too, ma y/n.”

“Neteyam?” He hummed in response and you felt it vibrate through your body. You love him deeply and you’d do anything to help carry the burden, “I feel you, always.”

☆

It dawned you, he never had the chance to tell Jake.

You wake up, eyes still adjusting to your dim surroundings. It was night still and hearing the sound of harsh waves hitting the shore in the distance fluxed your insides with familiar anguish— had it really been two years since then? You couldn’t tell. Making your way out your pod, you weren’t at all surprised seeing a figure sitting by the sand. Slowly, you sat with him, making your presence known with a soft hi.

“Him again?”

“I would be a big fat liar if I said it didn’t bother me anymore” you chuckled, remembering the countless times you’ve had this conversation already. It was almost like a routine at this point— finding Lo’ak here, talking about him, seeking comfort in each other’s pain. “I don’t think I could ever unlearn him, Lo’ak. I have loved him a bit too much and now I have to stomach it for every day to come.”

“I’m sorry,” For a minute, his mouth stayed agape and deprived of any words. He debated if he should say more instead of lousy apologies, but it was all he had; Lo’ak kept mountains of apologies— sorry for being a trouble child, sorry for not listening, sorry for not doing better. The list would go on and on, but he would never get the chance to get it out his chest so it continued to pile. He sighed, dropping his head.

“It’s not your fault, Lo’ak” You say it again like every other time, but you meant it always. He only hummed in response. You sat in silence with only the noise out for company. It was peaceful like this; no more war, no reprimanding, and no bickering— but at what cost?

“My prayers that night be damned— all of it.” You stood up after hours of watching the water sway indefinitely, legs wobbling from it being idle for a while. It isn’t as heavy anymore, you’ve realized; the conversations weren’t as long unlike before and it’s been long since you have both confided in each other with tears. Maybe it has been two years. “I’m going back to bed, you should allow yourself to rest too, okay?”

“Hey, y/n?” He called out after only taking a few steps.

“Yes?”

“I feel you, always.”

☆

And when you slept, of course it was him again. It was always Neteyam. You were back to the familiar greenery and atmosphere

“You don’t look so pleased for someone who’s been dying to hunt with me all this week,” He laughed, but the way your lips quivered alarmed him so he quickly made his way towards you. “What’s wrong, why are you crying?”

And he seemed so young, you noticed. Dreams aren’t always this vivid; sometimes it fades into blur and a few comes in fleeting sights, but today he stood so real. Only now you felt embarrassed of how you looked— hair unbraided and unruly, posture restless, and you probably looked older— more mature. It was like time only worked for you while he stayed ethereal. It stung how this might continue on and on until you appear all gray and tired. He never became Olo’eyktan and he never became your mate. Funny how he’d forever stay as a child without ever feeling the joy of being one.

“If it was Eywa’s will to take you away from me, then why do you still come back?” You traced his face and its features; the dots and the stripes of his skin. You desperately pictured him over and over, afraid that you would someday forget how he looked like and his entirety would contort to nothing but a distant haze. “I do not feel you anymore, Neteyam, please come home to me.”

“What are you talking about? I’m here, you’re here,” Neteyam swept a few strands of locks behind your ears. He started to feel uneasy and was debating if hunting would be a good idea while you seemed under the weather. “We’re home, always been.”

This was compensation, you thought. The great mother must have taken pity for her to send Neteyam to infiltrate your dreams every night and you were beyond desperate. You shook your head, hugging him as close as you can. “Sorry, just had another bad dream this morning.”

“We are home, Neteyam, always.”

☆ mauve here! i present to you *drum roll* neteyam angst because GOD DAMN I CANNOT GET OVER IT I HATE EVRYONE I HATE YOU JAMES FOR KILLING HIM AND AND AND

the title (and when he died, the sun was buried with him) will be a series of me mourning over his death haha so buckle up. mauve out! ☆