#dumb clown baby man

[ganondoodle]

[maurypovichofficial2]

*takes off feminist hat for a minute*

[nkogneatho]

okay but pathetic yuji tho?? and sukuna just watching in disbelief at how down bad this dude is

sukuna really be laughing so hard at the way yuuji clowns his own ass all the time. like okay he knew he was a dumb boy but goddamn he didn't know he has no sense of self respect when he's such a simp for you.

you tell him no for a date and he is touching your feet and it's so hard to move because he's gripping them. it is so embarrassing for you too because everyone on the road is watching you, and judging him. he'll throw a tantrum right then and there. you agree to his "date" to free yourself from the dilemma but there you are two weeks later naked on his bed. yuuji loves backshots as you know he's an ass man so he begs you to let him hit it from the back. you've never done doggy so you pause before you answer but then you say yes to put a stop to his nonstop "please"

yuuji whimpers. LIKE HE ACTUALLY WHIMPERS when he feels your walls squeezing him. he grabs a handful of your ass and the pace is irregular because his legs are shaking everytime he shoves it in.

"god! my fucking god. i knew this pussy was good. look at your—ah! look at your ass fucking jiggling baby—fuck. gunna fuck me silly. please, use me. move your ass, or you want me to beg on ma knees again?"

and there's sukuna inside watching it all go down. as much as he's getting the second hand embarrassment from the way yuuji is so desperate, he also can't think straight because the whole scenario has him pumping his cock as he watches.

[porcelana-r0ta]

JOYRIDE

Fandoms: Batman, Danny Phantom

Relationship: Dan Phantom/Jason Todd

Word Count: 3,823

Ao3 Link: Available only to registered users

Summary:

Dan doesn't want to join his Habitudes group for their dumb community service project, which is why he lets two idiot goons kidnap him off the streets. When said goons turn out to work for The Joker, Dan decides to do something about him, maniac to maniac.

Or: The Joker tries to live stream a ransom, but ends up live streaming his own execution.

xxXxx

When Dan Nightingale is grabbed off the streets of Gotham, he makes a half-hearted struggle, just so he can seem human. The kiddie hero business and the indiscriminate genocidal tendencies no longer call to him like they used to, and while he’s still an impatient person who is intolerant of disruptive bullshit, he needs a little excitement in his life. 

Plus, he wants an excuse to get out of his Habitudes community service project. His pretentious trust fund baby groupmates chose to volunteer at some fucking coffee shop instead of something normal, like a hospital or an animal shelter. (Dan didn’t even know a coffee shop was an option, but anything goes for wealthy elites who want to roleplay as an impoverished barista, apparently.) Well, Jay Peters wasn’t so bad, and he was just as irritated as Dan was about the others’ choice. Plus, the chill that settles into Dan’s unused lungs when the other student is around shows that he’s at least Death-touched like him, even if they’ve never acknowledged that to each other. 

So, yeah. He lets himself be kidnapped by two goons, even if he could easily break free and make their insides their outsides. It could be interesting! Enrichment in his pandimensional parole! Everyone’s got to have fun sometimes! It’s like a little joyride, as a treat! But he isn’t the one committing the crime! How quaint!

Dan is a very polite captive. He lets himself be pulled into a creeper van with minimal resistance. He lets the goons zip tie his hands. He lets them put a black bag over his head, even though it smells of weed. He doesn’t count the number of turns they take, nor does he try to talk them into letting him go. In fact, he doesn’t say anything. When they eventually park, he allows the men to pull him out of the creeper van and into some building—likely a warehouse, judging by the echo of their footsteps on the floor. And finally, he lets the goons cut off the zip ties around his wrists and then tie them to the metal arms of a chair. 

He’s a great captive. And he’s so going to be excused from that stupid Habitudes community service project!

He’s content to sit and wait. The Bats of Gotham City usually have a good response time for villain bullshit, and if they don’t, then it’s not like any Fear gas or sex pollen will affect him. Dan’s not really human anymore, even if he is capable of looking so. 

Dan does not have to wait long. The footsteps increase and then stop altogether, and then a cackle fills the air. “Camera man ready? Mics? Charges?” The voice is familiar, yet grating. Where has he heard it before? In his past future, maybe?

“Yes, sir,” comes the reply from several different people. 

A pleased cackle, “Then let’s get started!”

“We are live in three… two…” 

At the silent one, the cackle echoes through the room once again. “Hello, ladies and gentlemen of Gotham City and beyond! I’m your favorite Joker, LIVE! With one of your favorite Wayne children!” 

Dan, who has been relatively chill this whole time, tenses. The Joker. That’s why he recognizes that cackle and voice. He had killed the clown before in his original timeline. Ugh, clowns. He fucking hates clowns. Hates their stupid pale makeup and their stupid dumb wigs and their exaggerated eyes and he fucking hates how they make him feel like he’s not in control. 

And what was that about a Wayne? 

Dan doesn’t think killing someone like The Joker in his original timeline should be held against him. Honestly, the guy is a megalomaniacal terrorist who abuses the guise of mental illness to get away with crimes against humanity. Dan had at least owned up to his own sanity, and never tried to hide from the law or anything like that. He just kind of… killed the law. 

….ACAB? 

A hand suddenly grips at the bag on his head, grabbing hair with fabric. “That’s right, folks! Here’s Gotham’s beloved Dick Grayson!” The bag is yanked off his head, revealing Dan in all his scowling glory. And Dan is a lot of things, but an exact Dick Grayson copy he is not, so while the goons may have mistaken him as Grayson, The Joker does not. 

He pauses, studying Dan’s face. Dan raises a mocking eyebrow, then looks around the warehouse. 

It’s empty and dimly lit, but it’s not a problem for his superior vision. The metal walls are an ugly beige and the floor is a gray cement, its color only broken by mysterious brown stains, and now the discarded black bag. Dan is up against a wall, surrounded by filming equipment. The camera in question is just a fucking iPhone 12 attached to a ring light. There’s one goon behind the camera, moderating the live stream. There is another goon holding a boom mic above Dan and The Joker, and there are four others behind the camera. All of the goons who are not handling equipment are holding toy musket guns. It is probably safe to assume that there are similarly armed goons guarding the doors that Dan cannot see from his position tied to a chair. Likely two goons per exit. In a warehouse of this size, there have to be at least six more goons that Dan isn’t seeing. 

The Joker grits his teeth. “Who brought the Grayson kid here.” It’s not a question so much as it is a demand. 

“We did, boss,” two goons pipe up proudly from behind the camera. 

“Why don’t you two come up on camera so I can congratulate you for good work?” The Joker grins beseechingly. 

One of the two goons, the blond, shuffles nervously at this, whereas the other puffs out his chest. So only one has any brain cells. 

The prideful one grabs his comrade by the arm and drags him up to the camera with Dan and The Joker. They stand in front of Dan, blocking him from the camera’s view.

“I always reward good work, you see,” he says to his henchmen. “Now, you think this is good work?” 

“Yes, sir,” says Pride, while Blond frowns. 

“Take a good look at his face.” The villain gestures angrily to Dan’s unimpressed face. “What do you see?” 

“Dick Grayson, sir,” 

Blond shuffles, “He looks like he isn’t scared.” 

“No! Wrong! This isn’t Dick Grayson! This– This is some—” The Joker takes another glance at Dan, noting the black Gotham U hoodie that hides his muscles. “This is some fucking college twink!”

“Twink?” Dan mutters to himself, disgruntled. Sure, the hoodie is baggy and he’s seated instead of standing, but do those two things add up to him looking like a twink? 

The color has drained out of even Pride’s face at The Joker’s words. “Sir, please—”

But The Joker is already pulling out a comically large toy gun that probably has real bullets, and Dan sighs. It would probably be bad for his parole if he let a bunch of humans die in front of him. 

He phases out of the ropes binding him, safe from view with the two idiots in front of him. Then, he kicks The Joker down to the floor, sending the toy gun scattering across the cement floor of the warehouse. He stands and knocks Pride and Blond’s heads together, knocking them out as The Joker screeches with rage. 

The goons behind the camera aim their guns, but Dan is already moving behind the camera. He snags the guns out of their hands, snapping them in half with strength he doesn’t even have to think about. He moves so fast that at first they don’t even realize what’s happened. By the time they connect their missing firearms to the broken bits of metal on the floor, Dan has already clobbered them over the head, knocking them unconscious. 

He takes out the cameraman, too, and the goon holding the boom mic. Then, in mere seconds, he takes out all the goons at each exit, and he’s back at the filming station by the time The Joker has staggered to his feet. His original estimate had been off by two—there were eight other goons in total. 

Dan checks the iPhone—still live streaming. On TikTok, of all the goddamn apps. The comments are going wild on what’s going on: where’s the college student, how did he kick The Joker like that, do you guys think that those two goons have brain damage now, what was that metal scraping sound, where is The Joker? 

“Hey, brat!” snarls The Joker, clutching at his ribs. “That was not part of the script.”

Dan hates clowns, and he especially hates The Joker. Sure, Dan wiped out nearly all of humanity. Who doesn’t have a bad decade of villainous activity? But he did it quickly, and he didn’t do it under the guise of insanity. He owned up to it. And if Dan’s being honest, he’s… disgusted by it all now, even if it hurts himself to admit. 

If Dan isn’t human, then neither is The Joker. 

Still off camera, Dan moves so fast he basically teleports in front of The Joker. The other man stumbles back, but Dan reaches out and grabs him by the throat. He chokes and claws at Dan, but Dan isn’t human anymore, and so his nails catch on nothing but the cloth of his hoodie. He doesn’t even feel it.

He drags The Joker to the chair in front of the still live camera and shoves him into it. While he recovers from being choked, gasping and shuddering and so fucking human , Dan forces his hands behind him and uses the ropes he’d phased out of to tie The Joker up. When he ties the last knot, Dan stands tall, staring into the camera. 

“Hello, friends and family,” he greets the audience. He gives a small smile, and he makes sure that he is perfectly, utterly human with normal blue eyes and normal black hair and normal human skin. “As you can see, things have turned around for The Joker here. Now, I’m sure his original intent was to ransom out the Wayne kid, and it would be a shame to see that hard work and planning go to waste on a mistake, wouldn’t it? So why don’t we hold a… reverse ransom? Only, I don’t need funds. I’ll accept donations. My venmo is vladsucks03. My cashapp is dannight07.”

Dan’s smile grows into a wide grin. “Feel free to donate if you like. But even not a single person donates, The Joker dies today.” 

The Joker spits out a gasping laugh, “Ha! You think you can kill me? I gotta admit, that’s a good joke. But Batman—”

“Batman what?” Dan asks, stepping off camera to grab the black bag on the floor. He shoves it halfway into his pocket. He walks to The Joker’s toy gun, the only one he hadn’t broken, and he picks it up. 

“Batman is already on his way here,” The Joker says. “He always is by this point.”

“And Batman will save you?” Dan snorts. He moves to check the live stream, comments coming in so fast that the only reason he can read them is because he’s not human anymore. 

Is this for real

fuck yeah kill that guy

💥🔫🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

extremely common gotham uni W

im donating 50$ rn

Can we vote on how joker dies

Lol does he fr think that batman would help him

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

Does anyone else find this incredibly attractive or is it just me 😳

guys my joker/batman fic update is gonna slap after this

Joker’s cooked

bro is about to have ao3 level donations

Hey what’s his cashapp again

Omg i think that guy is in my bio class

I’ll donate when hes acc dead

doin god's work 🥹👍

If bro doesnt do it he’s cooked

This guy is gonna have infinite rizz if he pulls this off

The Joker scoffs, “Of course he will. He’s done it before.”

Dan yanks his gaze from the comments to The Joker’s face, “What?”

The Joker nods his head up arrogantly. “Batsy can’t live without me. He saved me after fickle-ickle Nightwing killed me.” 

“Huh.” Dan blinks consideringly, switching his gaze back to the comments. They’re all freaking out about this new information. He steps back into the camera frame, pulling the hammer back on the toy gun. “Then I’ll just have to make sure it sticks.” 

He points the gun at The Joker’s face and fires. As expected, rainbow confetti is the only thing that flies out, dusting over The Joker in celebration of what is to come. 

The Joker laughs. 

“Cute,” says Dan. He walks around The Joker to stand behind him, directly in front of the camera. He removes the black bag from his pocket and puts it over The Joker’s face. 

He shoves the muzzle of the gun into the back of The Joker’s skull. Pulling back the hammer, he asks, “Any last words?” 

He pulls the trigger before The Joker can say anything. It’s funny. As expected, the second gunshot is a real bullet. The Joker’s head and body jerks forward. Blood splatters on Dan’s face, but it’s mostly on the floor and the unconscious Blond and Pride and on The Joker himself. 

For a moment, Dan can only stare. The Joker’s body is crumbled in on itself, held up only by the bindings on his arms to a chair nailed to the ground. 

He feels big. He feels good. 

He feels… dirty.

He clears his throat. He drops the gun. He lifts up the soaking black bag up just enough to check for a pulse. After thirty seconds of nothing, he says, “Well, that’s the end of The Joker.” 

He looks up, staring into the camera lens, and he chuckles. “I missed my community service project because of this bozo. You guys think my professor will accept this as community service?”

You guys think this will affect my ghost parole? he doesn’t ask. 

He bends down to check the pockets of Blond. He finds his phone and uses Blond’s thumbprint to bypass the password. His stomach curdles at the home screen—a picture of Blond and a little girl with his eyes and his nose. His eyes burn and he calls 911, trying not to blink.

“911 dispatch. What is your emergency?”

“Yeah, uh, I killed The Joker. But he kidnapped me first, so. Turnabout.” 

“You— sorry, you what?”

“I killed The Joker. He’s dead. I checked his pulse and everything.”

“O-oh.” The woman on dispatch sounds strangled. There are muffled sounds, frantic, that the receiver only barely picks up. Dan wonders what she’s doing, Asking for verification? Trying to triangulate his location? Celebrating the fucking good news? “Do you know where you are, sir?”

“Some warehouse, I guess. Probably at the docks. Do you want me to check?”

“No, sir, please stay where you are if there are no immediate threats.”

“Got it.” He clicks his tongue. 

“Can you tell me your name, sir? Are you injured somewhere?”

“I’m Dan. Uh, Dan Nightingale. I guess he thought I was the Grayson kid. Um. Dick Grayson, I mean. And no, I’m fine. His henchmen are injured and unconscious, though.” 

“Right. Okay. Hi, Dan. I’m Claire. First responders and patrol units are on their way to your location now.”

“Well, that’s good, I guess.” He almost wants to ask if she thinks that he’ll end up in Arkham for this, but he’s pretty sure that there’s no jury on Earth that would convict him. Well, maybe not. He did ask for donations for murdering The Joker, after all. That might put a damper on his defense. 

“Dan?” asks Claire. 

“Yeah?”

“Is– is he really dead?”

Dan looks at the body and kicks a limp leg, avoiding looking at the gory black bag. Nothing. “Yep. As a doornail.” And he knows death intimately. 

She breathes a shaky, staticky sigh into the receiver. “Thank you, Dan.”  

He blinks, “Can you get fired for saying that?”

She laughs, “Honey, everyone not on break right now is listening to this. My boss just broke a bottle of tequila out from his desk.” 

He barks out his own laugh. “Oh?”

“You’re about to be very popular, Dan.”

“Well, I—” 

And seventeen minutes late to the party, the windows at the top of the warehouse shatter open. In cascades of broken glass and grappling cables, the Bats drop down to the floor. 

“Away from the body,” commands Batman as soon as his feet hit the ground. His little birdies, Nightwing, Red Hood, Red Robin, and the newest Robin fall in line with him. Robin makes quick work of rounding up the unconscious goons and binding them. 

Dan obligingly puts the hand that isn’t holding the phone up in the air, but before moving away from the camera’s view, he says, “Just a reminder guys, my venmo is vladsucks03 and my cashapp is dannight07. Please remember that I might need a lawyer soon.”

“Okay, funny guy,” Nightwing says, entering into frame and pulling Dan away by the shoulder while Red Robin shuts down the live stream.

“It was self-defense and defense of another. A whole population, if you will,” Dan says. 

Red Hood snickers, “Only crime here was the kidnapping.” 

“Dan, are you okay?”

“Bats are here, Claire,” Dan tells her. He watches Batman lift the black bag off The Joker’s face, revealing the viscera and gray matter beneath. He’s not smiling anymore. Dan hasn’t seen that kind of gore in years. He’s the cause of it once more and he doesn’t regret that. It feels invigorating. It feels devastating. “I guess I’ll hang up now. If The Joker is mysteriously alive after this, it’s because Batman couldn’t handle not being the hero.” 

“Dan—” He hangs up as Batman’s shoulders go minutely tense at his words. The man stands fully, turning his head slightly to narrow his cowled eyes at Dan. 

“Problem, sir?” 

“You killed The Joker.” 

“I saved myself and his two idiots.” He shrugs. 

“You had him restrained.” 

He rests an offended hand against his chest. “I was frightened that he would escape, sir, just as he escapes from the very place you put him every eight to ten months.” The Bat doesn’t want to be judge, jury, and executioner. Fine. Whatever, he gets it. Dan hadn’t wanted to be that, neither as hero nor villain. He’d wanted to save, he wanted to be saved, and then he wanted everyone to feel like he did. But he’s not so prideful now to know that he wouldn’t have stopped then, not unless someone handled the job permanently. 

The Joker needed permanence. 

The Bat can play fucking judge all he wants. But he’d be just as villainous if he tried enforcing his own moral code on other people.

“You asked for donations,” Red Robin says dryly. “You were basically putting a hit out on him.”

“My art in life textbook is $300. How much do you think a lawyer is going to cost?”

“Hn.” 

“Stop giving the man a hard time for doing a public service, Batman.” Red Hood shoulder checked Nightwing away and held out a gloved hand for Dan to shake. He takes the other’s hand and firmly shakes it. The contact, while not to skin, gives Dan goosebumps and chills his lungs. 

Jay?

“Let’s hope my Habitudes professor agrees with you.”

“She will. Everyone with three brain cells to rub together will.” The man cuts a glare at Batman. 

Dan didn't say what pronouns his professor uses. 

The rumble in Red Hood’s voice is enticing. He looks at the other man, really looks, and notices his broad shoulders, how tall he is (though Dan towers over him even  disguised as a human), and his muscled arms. Arms that Dan’s pretty sure are normally hidden beneath a Gotham U hoodie, just like his own. 

He smirks as sirens sound in the distance. “Let’s hope the cops agree with you.”

“They will,” Hood says. It sounds like a promise for something entirely different. 

“Gag me,” Red Robin mutters.

Robin says, “For once I agree with you.”

Without looking away from Dan, Red Hood flips the two off, and yeah, maybe redemption can be more promising than he initially thought. 

xxXxx

A week later, Dan finally goes back to his regular schedule. His ghost parole is intact—he’d even been thanked by some Gothamite ghosts, and Danny begrudgingly told him that there were ghosts who said they’d riot if Dan was given any punishment. As for the mortal side of things, Vlad Masters had graciously sent his team of attorneys to Dan’s aid. While Dan still hates him, he has no issue about using a free team of lawyers to defend him. He’s guaranteed to walk.

Jazz had called him. It made his core unsettled and stony. She wasn’t disappointed, and he doesn’t know how that makes him feel. He doesn’t regret it—The Joker would never change. But what does that say about him and his progress? 

Jazz in general makes him uneasy now. She used to be his big sister, and now she’s younger than him, and he tried to kill her, and— she’s different from his Jazz, is all. But if she’d always known like she said, then his Jazz did, too, right? Could she still be his Jazz, a Jazz who got to grow up? Still be his sister? It would be stupid to hope so, right?

He feels bitter.

She said she’s considering Gotham University as her college of choice as she nears high school graduation. Apparently, their psych department is amazing. 

So maybe hope isn’t so bad. 

Dan sits down at his 10:00 am Habitudes class. Everyone already in the room stares at him. Before they can offer any congrats or thanks or swarm him, Jay sits down next to him. 

Dan looks at Jay’s mostly black hair and his tuft of white at his front bangs. He’s wearing his usual Gotham U hoodie, a hoodie that likely hides muscled arms. A chill builds in his lungs like it did when speaking with Red Hood, like it has every other time he’s talked with Jay Peters. 

…Hm. A hoodie that definitely hides muscled arms. 

“Hey,” says Jay with a grin. “Crazy week, I hear?”

“You’re a Gothamite. I’m sure you’re aware of exactly how crazy it’s been.” 

“You should tell me about it sometime.”

“Sure. After class? We can grab an early lunch. Make it a date, maybe.”

Jay smiles, cute and small. His eyes flash green—a baby Death-touched soul, still can’t control his spooky abilities, how adorable—and he says, “That sounds perfect.”

[muniimyg]

4: the cold // series m.list

note: reblogging w fic taglist cos the limit is annoying n my posts keep glitching </3 sorry for the long wait! i literally finished c2u and was working on c2u's extras as well as attempting to keep my life together LOL . this jk is literally GETTING INTO IT YUHHH . hope everyone is enjoying the story ,, i'm so excited for the rest ! we're halfway thru :( if u missed aao jk ,, lmk ur fave moment of his as of now huhuhuuuu

taglist request: send a request with the title of this fic “aao” // DO NOT comment here or on the masterlist . it gets confusing and i prefer answering and tagging through asks !!!

🏷️ permanent taglist: @joonsjuice @taetaecatboy @pb-n-juju @miss-rainy-days @firesighgirl @whoa-jo @vantxx95 @pamzn @kakixaku @casspirit0705 @tae165 @defzcl @sopebubbles @leefics @ggukkieland @bebebutbetter @yoongimentita7 @boraength @era-genius @4ksj @vampcharxter @miss-jupiter @floweryjeons @taegijns @jeonqkooks-main @ellesalazar @jkslvsnella @parkinglot-nights @kissyfacekoo

//

Picture this. 

Jungkook sent you a text, claiming to be sick. He said:

jungkook (liar) 3:09PM: no fr i get so dizzy standing up lol

jungkook (liar) 3:09PM: deadass i’m wearing like 7 layers and i’m chilly af .. need the warmth of ur arms, baby 🙏🏼

jungkook (liar) 3:10PM: do u think u can come by w some medicine? i’d owe u like… my whole heart

jungkook (liar) 3:10PM: nvm gave that to u already 😘✋🏽

Your natural response to his concerning text messages was to call him. When you called to check up on him, you noted how he coughed at every perfect pause... How his voice was toned groggy with a hint of pathetic. 

Just as pathetic as his lie. 

Does he think you're dumb? Fine. Two can play this game.

The second Jungkook opens the door and is greeted by his friends, grinning goofily with alcohol in their hands—he feels the urge to shut the door at their face. “Ah, for fucks sake—”

“Not so fast!” Hobi squeals as he grabs your wrists and tugs you from the back of the crowd to the front. Offering you to Jungkook, Hobi winks, “I believe this belongs to you.”

Jungkook’s eyes soften at the sight of you.

Lowering his head, he purses his lips for a kiss. You blink at him, letting him stand there like a fool. A few of his friends chuckle at the rejection, but it doesn’t dishearten Jungkook. Instead, he lifts his head and carries on. 

Hey, the kiss was worth a shot. 

With a patient tone, he tries to talk this out. “I thought it was just going to be you coming over...”

Shrugging at him, you answer; “And I thought you were sick.” 

"Well, what can I say? I always feel better whenever you're around." Jungkook chides.

Unimpressed, you tsk at him. “Nice try, buddy.”

Your hunch was right.

Jungkook wasn't sick.

There was no eye bag in sight, no cough to be heard, and with the short amount of time it took him to answer the door; he doesn't seem dizzy at all. If anything, he looks freshly showered and prepared.

For a sick man, his 5PM fit was rather suggestive. He's wearing jeans, and a white wife beater with an off-white button-up unbuttoned. He must know he's hot, right? He wore this on purpose.

"A little dressed up for someone who should be pretending to be sick..." you poke his chest.

Jungkook grins, instantly shrugging his button-up off. "Oh, my bad. Here, I'll undress and—"

"Jungkook!" you gasp as you tug his button-up back on. "Your friends are here! Don't be so shameless—"

"Whose fault is that?" he laughs. "___, was I not clear when I asked for you? You. Not the circus.”

“Hey!” Nam Joon cries from the crowd. “Are you calling me a clown?”

Jungkook lifts his head and shakes it. Smiling at his hero, he assures Nam Joon; “Not you, hyung. I love you.”

Earning a few laughs, the moment ends when Jin interrupts and pushes past you. Jungkook places his arm in front of your body, gently moving you against the wall. He shoots Jin a glare but Jin doesn't seem to catch on. He makes one final comment before inviting himself into Jungkook's home; “Stop sucking Joon's dick and let us in!”

As his friends cheer and begin to invade his home, you stand still and laugh at them hustling in. As they make random remarks, Jungkook warns them not to touch certain things in his living room and that his bedroom is off-limits. Walking in, his friends can't help but feel out of place when they spot the homecooked meal Jungkook prepared for you two. The table is all set up. The projector is ready to go in the living room corner, accompanied by the ever so comfy set up of pillows and fuzzy blankets on the couch… The fuzzy blanket on the couch that Taehyung and Hobi have now wrapped themselves in.

Yeah..

Jungkook did not see this coming. He groans at the very sight. His plans were ruined.

Once Jimin gets his little ass inside, you take that as your cue to head in. You duck under Jungkook's arm and just as you think you’re about to get away—he stops you. He takes a step back and swoops his other arm around your waist.

“Not so fast.”

You huff. “Okay. I’ll walk in slow motion—”

“___…” Jungkook says in a warning tone. “Yah, I said I was sick and you show up here with my friends?”

You poke his chest. “I had a feeling you were up to no good. I brought reinforcement.”

For the most part, Jungkook likes to think he has you figured out. Then, you pull shit like this and he is completely tongue-tied.

Jungkook can’t help but applaud your move. It’s petty and nonchalant… It’s well played. Yet, he feels bittersweet at the very realization that you’ve outsmarted him so early on. 

To be fair, his main moves are centered around lies. 

… Is it so wrong that he thought he could at least get one last good lie before facing the truth?

The truth is that he has grown to like you so much he has completely lost control of his words and thoughts. Every time he’s around you—that’s it. That’s the entire moment. That’s his entire world. He doesn’t know how to keep it that way, you know? He hasn’t figured out how to freeze time and just be with you. So, he lies. He lies in an attempt to make the moment last just a second longer. 

He knows he could have you with a simple conversation and his bunny smile. He knows he’s kindhearted and would be a great boyfriend if you let him… He’s just having a hard time navigating through all the feelings. They consume him faster and fiercer than he expected. The only way to keep up is to keep you near, and the only way to keep you near is to keep making excuses. 

Thus, this week’s excuse. 

He huffs at you. "A home-cooked meal, a movie on my projector, and comfy blankets... Means I'm up to no good? Come on, ___. This is ridiculous!"

"You've been so mischievous ever since—"

"It was just the ice skating thing!" Jungkook defends himself.

"It was also the pocky thing—"

His eyes light up. Jungkook’s lips curve into a smirk. "Ah... Thinking about our kiss, huh?"

Now you feel sick.

Was he serious? How does he do this to you? He says everything so bluntly and out of pocket, your tummy has no choice but to flip upside down and feel all the butterflies flutter.

"N-no!" you panic.

"Pucker up and prove me wrong," Jungkook insists, shutting his eyes and pursing his lips at you. "Like you said, I'm not sick. Kissing me won't get you sick—love sick, maybe..."

You cross your arms at him.

"Jungkook."

Opening his eyes one at a time, he puts his hands up and lets you go. He'll admit defeat here. Clearly, you aren't happy with his moves...

He'll try this.

He'll try honesty.

“___," he smiles, attempting to lighten the mood. "Hey, I was trying to—”

“Flirt?” you finish his sentence. “Yeah, sure… Has it ever occurred to you that you can flirt with me without lying?”

His eyes widen. 

“Does it bother you that much?” He asks, feeling like he is completely messed up. “I’m sorry, baby. I thought it was harmless—”

You shake your head, denying his accusation. It was deeper than that. It is the principal and the root of his lying being a habit in your relationship.

“It’s not that it bothers me that much… It's just... Y-you don't have to do all this, you know? I like getting to know you, but it feels like it's impossible. You keep setting up scenarios for yourself to look good in or for me to take care of you in. I'd do it regardless if you're hurt or not. You know that, right?"

"I do," Jungkook agrees. "I just..."

You look at him with sincere eyes. "Jungkook, I'm just not understanding... Why? It’s just weird to me that you were so confident and honest when you confessed. To be honest, I really admire that part of you. B-but now that you’re… That w-we’re…. Uhmm—it's different. You're acting differently. You can flirt with me all you want. It's whatever... But maybe try something else? I'm tired of you lying, Jungkook.”

He gulps.

"You want honesty?" Jungkook begins. "Here it is... I like you too much. Like, so much that I don't know what to do with myself whenever you're around—not to mention it's even worse when you're not. I want your attention. All the time. Everything about me for everything about you."

"Jungkook—"

"Can you wait for me?" He asks you unexpectedly. "Wait for me to get it right... Because I know I can. I will get it right."

When you two join everyone inside, Jungkook’s apartment is filled with so much chaos it’s difficult for him not to A) partake and B) be upset about everyone crashing his date night (by ambush). 

Honestly, Jungkook’s been pretty busy lately. He’s been neglecting his social life as school, work, and you (not that he’s complaining) have been taking over. In a way, he finds it sweet that you ruined his plans with yours. Especially since you came in with all his friends. It was a nice surprise. He will definitely take note of your sneaky ways too. 

By the time everyone gets hungry, there’s barely any space for anyone to eat. Some friends are sitting on the floor, eating off the coffee table or parts of the couch. Others are eating standing up, and the rest crowd over his tiny kitchen island and dining table. There are a few girls you’ve invited here and just as usual, you all went to the bathroom together. As you all enter back into the scene, there is absolutely no space. 

“___!” Jin calls you over. “Eat with us.”

You look at the girls and exchange laughs. They tease you before pushing to towards the dining table. As you approach, you realize there’s barely space let alone a seat. Without much thought, you gravitate towards Jungkook who is sitting and eating. Squeezing your way through, he notices you and nods towards Hobi. Hobi then responds by handing you a plate of food Jungkook set aside for you. Taking the plate, you thank Hobi. Jungkook then pushes his chair back and just as he’s about to get up from his seat to give to you—

“No, it’s okay. Sit.” You insist. 

“But you don’t have a seat—”

Then, it happens so naturally.

You place your plate on the table next to his and take a seat on his lap. When you do this, all the boys exchange looks but say nothing. Their eyes almost pop out of their head and Hobi even chokes on his food. He tries to hide it and turns away so you don’t think twice about it. They’re all aware of how shy you are and this? This was a big thing for Jungkook that they couldn’t ruin. You were finally coming out of your shell.

Thank god.

Meanwhile, Jungkook feels winded. 

He can’t believe this. 

He can’t believe you.

But given the circumstances… He might just have to. So, he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he smiles at you warmly and tells you that he put all your favourites on your plate. He tells you to eat everything and that he ordered strawberry bingsoo for dessert. 

“I love strawberries!” you gasp. Looking up, you bat your eyelashes and tease him, “yah, you make it too obvious you have a crush on me… You know that?” 

Jungkook squints at you, followed by scrunching his nose. You lean against his forehead and mimic his little stare. 

It takes everything in him to not lean in and kiss you.

Slowly but surely, everyone leaves. The only ones left are you, Jungkook, and the other 6 clowns. Yoongi and Jin went out to start the cars while Joon, Taehyung, Jimin, and Hobi finished up taking the trash out or washing the dishes. 

You and Jungkook are tidying the living room. He thanks you for organizing the little get-together and apologizes again for lying to you about being sick. You tell him it wasn’t that serious—it was just built-up confusion and frustration. Further, you tell him that you don’t want him to see you as someone that he has to jump through hoops to spend time with. You tell him you want it too. You want to spend time with him too. You want to get to know him too. 

You want to fall in love—

"I can do that," Jungkook nods, understanding where you're coming from. Your thoughts are interrupted as he fluffs the final pillow and grabs your hands. He squeezes them and then lets go. "But only if you stop being so oblivious. At least try, you know? It's hard for me too. Like, we're dating and I'm trying to woo you and shit—"

Dating?

Woo you?

Shit.

Your heart skips a beat.

"Wait," you pause. "Jungkook, a-are we dating?”

Just when he opens his mouth to speak, Hobi interrupts. 

“___, let’s go! Jin wants to race Yoongi!” 

Jungkook blinks at Hobi. “You’re not racing when ___’s in the car. Are you mad?”

Hobi lifts his hands. “Shit man, I’m just the messenger!”

Without skipping a beat, Jungkook turns to you with stern eyes. “I’ll drive you home.”

You decline. “You’re already home. Relax, it’s Jin. He’s all talk and no bite.”

“___…”

As a compromise, you promise him; “I’ll ride in Yoongi’s car.”

He thinks about it for a moment. Then, he realizes he has no other practical choice. “Fine. At least if you guys do race, you’ll be in the winning car.”

Hobi coughs. “Yo, what the fuck? I’m riding in Jin’s.”

You laugh and tell Hobi you’ll meet them out the door in a second. Hobi leaves immediately, yelling at Jimin to trade spots with him so he can ride with Yoongi. Once he’s out the door, Jungkook’s apartment falls in silence. 

“.... I better get going,” you breathe. “I’ll see you around?”

Scanning his apartment, you smile at the sight of everything being tidy. Picking up your feet, you head towards the door. Like a sad puppy, Jungkook trails behind you.

As you head out, Jungkook feels an urge in his stomach to make this moment last longer. “Oh... S-sure. See you at the library tomorrow?”

“You hate the library.”

“No, I don’t—”

“It’s also Saturday tomorrow.”

Jungkook blinks at you. “I love spending my Saturdays in the library.”

Giggling at his awful attempt, you remind him, “hey, we just talked about you and your fibs—”

“Sorry, sorry,” Jungkook surrenders. He puts his hands up and tilts his head. Pouting as you put your shoes on, he continues to ramble. “See what I mean? I say the wildest things just to be with you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you say, plopping back up. Jungkook then helps you put your jacket on and gives you your tote bag. “Whatever you say, liar.”

He rolls his eyes at you. As you open the door, you face him with a silly face. He ruffles your hair as he bids his farewell, “Goodnight. Text me when you get home, baby.” 

Then, just like that, the door shuts and Jungkook is all alone.

As he turns away and finally feels like he can catch his breath after everything that happened between you two tonight, he hears the door knock. Turning back, he reaches for the doorknob, opens the door, and sees you standing there. 

“Did you forget something?”

“Goodnight kiss.”

He draws a blank. 

“What—”

Jungkook’s heart skips a beat as you tiptoe and reach for the nape of his neck and pull him close. Leaning in, you press your lips against him and kiss him softly. Without hesitating, he kisses you back and chases your lips the second you pull away. 

You pull away too fast for his liking.

“Okay, goodnight—”

He kisses you again, deepening it as much as he can. When you pull away to catch your breath, he sneaks in one last kiss. Then, he kisses your cheeks and turns you around. Before sending you off, he teases you one last time. 

“Go away. I hate you.”

Laughing at his words, you realize that sometimes—they aren’t so bad.

Him and his lies.

You and your reading in between lines.

[brf-rumortrackinganon]

Hello RTA 👋🏻 Thank you so much for opening your asks again!

What do you think about this latest BRF clown show? I feel like they regretted their stupid move and underestimated the public response, they really thought everyone will praise them for "taking the high road" but the opposite happened so they scrambled to divert us by putting out dumb justifications like "oh look they cropped MM out of the photo, this is nothing coz we wish all milestone birthdays, it wasn't even a personal wish from us, we don't do the olive branches anymore" and whatnot.

You know what infuriated me the most? This move seriously made the Hollywood Reporter's article lose its shine a little thanks to the newly sprinkled royal glitter. Speechless.

It's 3D chess.

The short-term view is that the Sussexes won. They got a birthday shoutout. Charles and William acknowledged their existence. They got a little bit more royal shine to extend their fame. Four years of "olive branches" finally wore them downand now everyone is talking about the Sussexes being allowed back or the royal relationships thawing.

But you're not seeing the long-term view. Which is that:

1. When Harry stabs William in the back again (because you know Harry will) and William refuses to engage and the royal rota is crying about how William just needs to forgive, William can point to this olive branch and say "I gave him a chance and look what he did. He's dead to me."

2. The BRF went all the way back to July 2018, at the height of Harry's post-wedding PR glow, find a photo of Harry where he was a) happy and b) not being pawed by Meghan. A six-year-old photo, guys. That's like the royal equivalent of a Facebook Memory or an old yearbook photo. The undertext isn't "we miss you, come back, remember the glory days"; it's "we don't have anything more recent so this one will do." It's actually quite an impersonal photo for a milestone birthday, because milestones are a chance to post never-before-seen images or to get out the baby photos.

(And also when you think about the timeline, that Ireland trip in July 2018 was right before everything started falling apart for the Sussexes - it's before the Amsterdam Soho House opening in August 2018 where Meghan started the affair rumor, it's before Archie spawned, it's before the Sussexes ruined Eugenie's wedding, it's before William kicked them out of the Royal Foundation and KP, it's before Meghan's bullying became known, before Diana snatched Harry's hair back, before Meghan sucked Harry's soul out, etc. So really it could kinda be seen as a FU to Harry in a "man, remember how happy you were before you lost everything? Well, woulda coulda shoulda.")

Don't get me wrong. It's still the filling of a shit sandwich, but at least it doesn't burn too badly on the way down.

[gaymurdersalad]

Hey Jack! I think Dave is.. looking for you. You should probably check on him-

>Looking for me?

>The bastard practically wanted me dead on Monday when I refused his little kid-killing scheme. Straight up left the restaurant and didn’t show his face again, he was so mad.

>Why in the hell would he suddenly be looking for me?

>Even if he was, I wouldn’t know the first place to fucking—

>Mmmmyyy body lies overrr the ocean, my boooody lies over the seaaaaa—

>I’mmm no gooood at astraaaaal projectionnnn, so brrriiiing back my bodddyyyyy to meeeee!

>Oh, holy fuck, I’vvvve nevvvver felt ssssooooooo… Un-Coporeal. Wuwuuuuugghh, what issss… Within it me is outside o’ me… And whaasss inside of mmmmeeeee is SOOOOOOOO much LSD.

>Hooooow’d I even ennnndup here? What the hell did you get yourself int’, you big clown? I’m not surrrre, I just woke up out hereeee, again… What would Henry think? Who cares! He hates mmmmeeee!! He pushed me aside he did, he did! How’d he do that, then? He says “Get ouuuuutta here, you purple menace you, and leave me the hell alone for as long as your pitiful life stays clinging to this wretched Earth!” Why’d he say such a thing? I duunnoooooo! Was it something you did? You’re always getting yourself into trouble, you. Please leaaaave me alone, leave me to rot here, you… Yew… Schtewpid bastard, you caaaan’t stop bothering me, both you AND him…

>I’ve never done nothing to warrant this! I’m yer friend, Davey! Yer nothin’ but some bassard keepin’ me angry, you rotten fuck you, I wish you’d both fuck off hand ‘n hand and go… Go stuff yourselves in a waterlogged springlock suit, fuck you!

>A VISSSSITOR. Who— Who arrives?!

>… Dave?

>Sportsy! Old Jack! Whateerrr yoooouuu doin’ here?! You smell different. Yer wearin’ that coat!

>… Jesus Christ, dude. I’ve never seen you this bad.

>Aannnnnd I’ve never seen yew so good lookin’, handsome.

>Alright… Let’s… Let’s get you up, it’s freezing out here, man.

>Ohhhh, yer sooooo warm, Sportsy… I juuuusssss wanna crawl inside yer skinnn and wear ya as a jacket… Heh! Jack-et!

>… Thank… You…? I’m going to ignore you for a bit, is that alright dude?

>Yew can do whateeeeeever yew want, cowboy, I juss love ya soooo much…

>We’re gonna go back to my place, okay buddy? Get you under some covers and make sure you don’t accidentally… Hurt yourself. Let you sit the rest of this out someplace comfortable.

>Yer… Yer takin’ care of me, baby?

>Only ‘cause I know you won’t remember it.

>Yer… Yer sucha nice boy, sucha sweet sweet tangerine, you…

>Y’know, I wus… I’ve been… feeling preeeety rancid lately, Sportsy. Henry… Kicked me to the curb again, said I don’t wantcha here, and I wus… wanted… spend time with ya, Sportsy, like old times, I wanted t’… I missed… yew. ‘Nd yer dumb stupid clementine face, that schtewpid beard— If… If Henry don’t want me, then I know… I wus always thinking, I thought— Sportsy’s there! There’ll alllllways be Sportsy! B— Because there ain’t Sportsy, it’s just me, and just me makes me wanna die. I don’t wanna die. I don’t wanna die when yer holdin’ me.

>I’m… It’s pretty fuckin’ radical… that yew still care. Still the… same rotten orange I knew and loved.

>…

>… I…

>I still care. It’s okay.

>It is?

>It’s okay.

>… Let’s… Get you home. Try and relax, we’re only a block away from my car. You can sleep when we’re on the road.

>Gnnaaaaarly… Road trip with Old Sport!

>Yeah, man, sure. Gnarly.

[peoplesgraves]

Yandere Beetlejuice X Reader X Yandere Lydia Headcanons

•Beetlejuice is so so stupid. He is old as dirt and is still just dumb as a rock, absolute clown baby. You might think it's mostly weaponozed incompetence, and he definetih wings you to think that but it is a ruse from a very dumb man.

•Chances are you like Beetlejuice/are nicer. more so than Lydia even if by a tiny margin so of course he clings to you as his 'favorite spouse' (yes it's true but also he wants to makes Lydia jealous which of course doesn't work.) he 100% expects to be babied by you and of course as a witness/participant to his mischief and schemes. Every time Lydia is mean to him he comes crying to you, he would never be mean to either of you but he will force everyone to head about it for the next 10 business days.

•Lydia is kinda borderline yandere. If she didn't have Beetlejuice around, juicin the place up then she would've had a normal relationship with you. She's still super lucid and feels bad about it and is very tame but she finds herself letting Beetlejuice run wild 'behind her back' more and more. Plus she likes comforting you after one of his rampages.

•So many coordinated outfits. Lydia doesn’t have the patience to do it for you guys but she does appreciate Beetlejuices, reverently picked outfit choices. Though maybe less so when he ‘forgets’ to give you pants.

•They probably throw balls mixed with a disco. Something goth and moody and then just a side room with a disco ball and rainbow lights. Can’t decide if they’d do it just for the three of you, for some strange humans or for other spirits but either way, Beetlejuice will be doing the cha cha slide and losing his head. Please laugh at him, he’s trying so hard!

•If you started to get really ornery and tried to leave them then I think Lydia would find a way to bind you to the town model. Beetlejuice would hate it because he remembers how it was but Lydia convinced him it’s fine because you’re not alone in there, you have them.

•You have to marry both of them. Lydia actually doesn’t carry about marriage and thinks it’s kind of a dumb construct but she refuses to just be your girlfriend while Beetlejuice gets to be your husband. Beetlejuice would marry both of you but ya know…just know Beetlejuice will lie, scheme and haunt to marry you so hopefully you have enough wedding plans for two!

[wordy-little-witch]

Incorrect quotes bc I need some dopamine-

It's long and this is a mix of shit I've heard in my life, random scenes my brain conjures up, and the result of a ridiculous amount of cold medicine.

Roger pirates edition!!!!

Roger: hey buglet, what have you got there?

Buggy: a bomb! :o3

Roger: .... ah. Seems like something a responsible parent would never let their child play with.

Buggy: :o(

Roger: good thing I'm a captain!

Buggy: :oD

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Shanks: Bugs?

Buggy: what?

Shanks: would you love me if I was a worm?

Buggy: .... hmmm....

Shanks: you have to think about it?!??

Buggy: well duh! We're pirates! We're on a pirate ship, dumbass! How would I keep a worm alive, let alone happy and safe, on a pirate ship?? Not to mention all the different species of worms! What kind of worm would you be?? What kind of care would you need? It's a big question- *goes on a tangent about worms, worm care, and is slowly working himself into a panic*

Shanks, who just heard a landlocked girl ask her boyfriend it and wanted to ask buggy bc he thought it would annoy him: .... a h

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Rayleigh: .... what do you have there, Captain?

Roger, holding a baby in a treasure chest and another, smaller baby in his sash: an ADVENTURE!

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Gabban, trying to teach the kids their numbers: one~ twoo~ threeee~

Shanks: t'wee!!!

Gabban: right! And what comes after three? Do you know, Buggy?

Buggy, with the confidence of a pirate toddler: FUCK!!

Gabban:

Rayleigh, appearing out of thin air, menacing smile in place: :)

Gabban: :/

Buggy and Shanks: :D fuck fuck fuck!!!

Rayleigh: remind me to kill Roger later, please.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Crocus: alright boys. Let's work on that math, okay? So, Bug, if you had seven treasure chests-

Buggy: yesss!!!

Crocus: focus! Seven treasure chests. Now Shanks asks for three of them. How many treasure chests would you have left?

Buggy: seven.

Crocus: no, Shanks asked for three of them.

Shanks: it's okay, Buggy, you can keep your treasure!

Crocus: no- I- okay, Buggy has seven chests. I ask for three of them. How many do you have left?

Buggy: seven.

Crocus: okay, I'm not asking, I am taking the three treasure chests by force. How many do you have now.

Buggy: seven and a corpse.

Crocus: .....

Shanks: ......

Buggy: ......

Crocus: ................ is this why Rayleigh made math time my job

Buggy: probably. I bit him last time.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Whitebeard: Roger! I never expected you to take on children! Taking a page from my book, are you?

Roger: something like that hahaha! Eddie, meet my brats! This redhead here is Shanks, he's a tough little cookie.

Shanks: hi!!

Roger: and the bluebelle here is Buggy. He's my little cupcake!!

Whitebeard: aw, because he's small and sweet?

Roger, smiling widely: no, because cupcakes can easily contain many varieties of mortal harm, I have learned, and he is small, cute and deadly.

Buggy, pouting: it was one time!!

Roger: three times, and that's not counting that one time with Garp and the arsenic

Buggy: >:o/

Whitebeard:

The Whitebeard pirates:

Roger: isn't he the cutest??

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Marco: GET YOUR FUCKIN CLOWN-

Shanks: he don't bite

Marco, trying desperately to shake Buggy off of his leg: YES HE DO, HELP-

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy, 3 years old, slams his sippy cup onto the table top: I need a dwink.

Sunbell, trying not to laugh: aw, what's up, little man?

Buggy: S'anks is twyin' my patience. Gimme da good stuffs.

Sunbell: okay. Apple juice or-

Buggy: wum.

Sunbell:

Buggy:

Sunbell: baby bug, rum is for grown ups. How about some milk?

Buggy: no. Papa Rayray has wum when cap'in is being extra dumb. And S'anks is being extra EXTRA dumb ri' now. I need wum.

Sunbell: ...... alright then-

((He does not in face give Buggy rum, but he DOES make a point of saving a small rum bottle to fill with cranberry juice for future reference.))

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Rayleigh: hey, buddy, what's wrong?

Buggy: I have a headache that comes and goes.

Ray: aw, here, let's go to Crocus-

Shanks: hi, Buggy!!

Buggy: there it is.

Rayleigh: ..... yeah Crocus can't help with that.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy, laying on the deck at 3 in the morning:

Roger: bugababy, what are you doing up?

Buggy: what is the point of life, if not only to suffer? What is the purpose of being here if it's all a cyclical preordained destiny of agony and heartache? Why would the Spirits see fit to put us into this hellscape if not for their own sick amusement-?

Roger: Buggy, is this because Shanks ate your gummy worms?

Buggy: that red haired fucker knew they were mine-!

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Shanks: hey, Captain? How does one confess their undying love to someone?

Roger: just because I'm with Rouge doesn't mean I know how it happened, son.

MEANWHILE

Buggy: hey, mom?

Rouge: yes, ma fleur?

Buggy: I think Shanks is in love with me.

Rouge: neat. Do you love him too?

Buggy: unfortunately.

Rouge: nice.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Rayleigh: I didn't choose parent life. Parent life came to me, mid-drink, in the form of an unhinged adult man, and then expanded further with the addition of two tiny humans.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Roger, with Shanks in a front facing baby carrier: you know what's cute than one baby?

Random pirate enemy, trying to figure out why this man showed up to a fight with a baby:

Roger, turning to show Buggy in a carrier on his back: two babies!!!

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy @ Garp: were it not for the laws of this land, I would have slaughtered you.

Gabban:

Shanks:

Rayleigh:

Roger: I mean.... we're pirates, so laws-

Garp, sweating, who just set down a draw 4 in Oro Uno: No, kid's right, gotta listen to the law

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Rayleigh: I have no fear

Shanks, pale and shaking: Buggy hasn't slept in two days he's making bombs

Rayleigh: I have several fears.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Sengoku: Garp, you've been acting strange ever since you came back from your last excursion.

Garp: no i haven't.

Sengoku: you just leveled a circus tent after seeing a bunch of clowns.

Garp, having flashbacks to being bitten by a tiny clown, thousand yard stare: their joyful levity is a lie

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy: if I had a nickel for every time I had a traumatic experience on this damn crew, I'd have enough to pay for my therapy bills.

Shanks: if I had a nickel for every traumatizing experience I had here, I'd have enough to pay for my drinking problem.

Gabban, looking at the 11 year olds: .... maybe pirates aren't built for being parents.......

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Whitebeard: I fear no man.

Also Whitebeard, thinking on that first time he interacted with Buggy one on one: but that thing..... it scares me.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

BONUS CROSS GUILD CONTENT

Buggy: it's hard being Easy, Breezy, Beautiful, Cover Girl, but a bitch makes due

Crocodile: how did you survive this far

Buggy: I may have had rabies

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Mihawk: why does Shanks huddle in a corner when someone plays circus music

Buggy: bullseyes are red.

Mihawk: what does that have to do with-

Buggy: throws a knife and hits dead center of an apple, some unknown source playing circus music in the background

Mihawk:

Buggy:

Mihawk: this explain so much and yet so little

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Crocodile: have you been sneaking money

Buggy: I would love to do that, but unfortunately the clap of my big dumpy cheeks would alert you to my hiding place.

Mihawk, fighting a migraine: do you ever think before you speak

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy: hey, want a card reading?

Crocodile: a what

Mihawk: you read cards?

Buggy, laying a card down: oh, look it's a Caterpie.

Croc+Hawk:

Buggy: I means you're a douchebag.

((Buggy does in fact read tarot cards, smth he and Mihawk eventually bond over))

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Buggy, after almost dying part 2847164917: no mister reaper we have to stop meeting like this....

The guy who just shot him with seastone: what the fu-

[veala2]

“ᴅʀᴜɴᴋ ꜱʜᴇɴᴀɴɪɢᴀɴꜱ.”

✸ shanks n’ buggy ✸

SYNOPSIS - Being in a relationship with 2 pirate emperors is great, but one aspect that comes with a pirates life is a pirates thirst… no, not that kind, you dog!

CW - gn!reader, obviously there’s some intoxication on both sides, reader is explicitly said to be puking, Buggy is doing some dumb shit, shenanigans ensue.

A/N - I’m back from the dead (work), ready to deliver and slowly (painfully) write my next fic (Christmas themed?)

Probably the first to get black out drunk between the two of you.

He’s been a pirate for most of his life, and drinking was a pleasure he so stereotypically enjoys!

So, when you see his flushed face and goofy smile, you couldn’t help but indulge in his silliness. Letting him play with your hair or kiss you all over your face.

But… when the roles are reversed, he’s 100% on you to make sure nothing happens.

It’s not that he thinks you’ll do something crazy while drunk, no no. Rather, it’s what others would do that scares him.

Pirate bars are filled with crude men swinging their swords around, starting rowdy bar fights which leads to terrified bar owners and civilians to evacuate.

Yes he can take care of you with a simple look- his strong conquers haki coming in play- but he’d rather keep the chance of you safe as high as possible.

“Baby… baby, I’m fine, let me gooo…”

You whines fall on deaf ears, as Shanks adjusts you in his arms once again to make sure your head wouldn’t strain. He chuckles as he makes his way down the wooden steps out of Makino’s Bar, the pounding sound of laughter and drunk men filling his ears.

“I’ll let you go once we’re at the port. There’s no way I’m gonna let you throw up on me again.” He laughs, making you clip your tongue and rub your eyes.

“I didn’t even throw up on you!” You retorted. Which brought another chuckle out of him.

He can remember that scene like it was five minutes ago. Well, maybe because it was five minutes ago. He might be a little drunk himself.

Brushing off the warnings of having too many shots, you took your 21st and started to feel nauseous. Before he could drag you away before you hurled up yesterday’s breakfast. Which happened before he could even get out a word. Leaving him disgusted, but even more worried.

“Sweetheart, trust me, I’m not taking that risk again.” He says, planting an endearing kiss swiftly on the top of your forehead, pulling away at the smell of vomit, Making his nose scrunch up.

Shanks sat you down on the pier of Foosha Village. Rubbing soothing circles on your back, letting you take your course. The night sky shined when it hit the slow waves of the sea, a sky littered with stars. A calm, serene night he loved. Especially with you cuddling into his side.

“Are you feeling better, baby?” He asked, a decimal over a whisper. You nod, groaning into his shoulder.

“Good. Let’s get you home and clean up. And maybe apologise to Makino tomorrow morning if she catches us. Other than that, we can always outrun her fury.”

You let out a weak giggle, despite you still feeling not so great. He holds you in a tight grip, sighing happily and looking up to the sky. Allowing himself to indulge in the beauty of the night sky and the beauty that sits right next to him.

“Remind me to bring a bucket next time.” He jokes, landing him a swift punch to the arm and a goofy smile on his face.

Drinking with him has two outcomes:

Either you’re having good times! A couple of laughs, maybe making some great memories that overlap with some of the more confusing ones of drinking with him.

Or… You’re doing the most batshit crazy thing you’ve ever done in your life.

WITH HIM JUST STANDING THERE.

HELLO!?

When I tell you drunk Buggy can take over the world if he so pleases, I mean it

That man has no inhabitions, no thoughts, just a pure drive to do whatever the FUCK he wants for the next 24 hours.

You wonder how such a cowardly clown can become so brave by just a couple of shots.

And honestly, you can be the same way too. It’s not hard to get caught up in all the excitement and thrill of doing shots with a pirate group and almost ending up with a broken limb.

But MAN-

It’s a really mind boggling thing… Like, you could write a psychology paper on it.

“BUGGY, DON'T YOU DARE MOVE!”

“Huh!?”

Your shouts echo the inside of his towering circus top. There your boyfriend was, drunk off his mind due to some of the finest whiskey found in the Grandline (which he happily took), and placing his left leg inside the brightly human- cannonball. He looks back at you, confused but then displaying a goofy smile.

“Aw, c’mon, baby! It’ll be so much fun, just keep watching!”

The older pirate doesn’t stop himself from doing what he wants, and fully places himself inside the cannon, wriggling around as to get comfy. One of his lackies cackles as he reaches for a match, striking it upwards and starting the fire. Your heart only beats louder and faster at the sight of the small flame.

Of course it didn’t occur to you, that the moment that Buggy the Clown asked you to be his partner, you would have to be his temporary mother when he was shit faced on most Tuesday nights.

But, it’s not too hard to keep him in place most of the time. All he wants are some private cuddling, maybe some kisses and words of affirmation. And don’t worry, when the roles are reversed he’ll do anything to help you, too.

Unfortunately today, he decides to act like a crazed toddler.

Too bad he isn’t, it would be easier to wrangle him up.

“Buggy, baby, love of my life,” You start, slowly inching closer towards the red- faced man as he stared at you with lidded eyes and curiosity. “I really need you to step out of that cannon before you blow to infinity and beyond.”

Then there was silence.

And then there was laughter. A drunken one, slurred and almost high.

“I’ll be fine, I’m Buggy the genius- fuckin’- jester! hit it!”

It was too late, the match lit the tiny rope at the end, as it quickly rises towards where the gunpowder lies.

You plug your ears and close your eyes, not wanting to even look or hear the maniac jester shoot up into the circus top’s top, rip past the fabric and blast off again.

Oh yes… again.

[oogaboogaspookyman]

@sm-baby

I COULD BE HAPPY WITH SOMEONE NEW BUT MY HEART ACHES

[JUST FOR YOU]

It's been a while, hasn't it?

The office door creaks open

"Heya Pom! Brought back the paper i asked you yesterday?" Jax sounded so cheery. So happy while you just sat there on the chair like a drunkard... Well he's not a romance guy, of course he would be happy on his own. Damn rabbit.

"Not a word? What, still miss Sir Dentures?" He chuckles. He doesn't stop chuckling. What a clown... Thinks the jester. Ironic.

"Hm..."

His smile fades into a sincere frown.

Sigh

"Look here, Pom... It was necessary. He's free, paid for restoring us, we're all good now. No more murder and i got my nice charming scarf back and my favorite brushes, i'm the cool art teacher again!"

"So turn the dumb frown upside down aaaand please give me the paper i asked you? Please and thank you?"

"You're not a romance guy, of course you're fine. [___]hole..."

...

Oh...

"Oh for the love of- the censor is still here?! God darn it, i wanna say the f word for once! I loved doing that!"

You grip onto the table until it began to crack at the memory of him. Him, him, him. That stupid fucking human.

"Pom you may wanna lay off the grip there, i paid a lot for tha-"

A chunk is crushed. Like paper.

...

"Ah..."

Pomni lets go, revealing the chokehold put on the table left a permanent mark.

"Did ya dissociate again? I spoke well 'n clear, i paid a lot for that one!"

"Suck me, rabbit, you can get your s[__]t yourself" Pomni gets up and storms off from the office with no more words.

"Eh... Christ she's not okay..." Jax sighs

"Wonder if things coulda been better?"

Nobody helps at all.

Gangle offered to distract her, have a play, but Pomni wasn't in the mood.

Zooble offered a smoke but she didn't wanna try that kind of stuff.

Bubble is too much of an agent of chaos to give a shit, offered to commit "one (1) arson".

Kinger is just too far gone in his dementia, lucid when it was fucking funny and nothing more...

Nobody helps.

He knew how to help...

Only he knew...

Him...

The door to Ragatha's room creaks open

"Oh hey Pomni! How's your day go... Oh..." Ragatha notices Pomni is not any form of happy, if anything she looks like she's empty inside and wants to die...

"Oh you're not alright... Would you like to talk over tea..?"

"Mm... Will you let me vent properly?" Pomni groaned, still doubting that she won't pull out the whole everything is fine bullshit

"Oh- u-uhm- yes of- of course! Of course, i- i apologize for my past behavior, i really wasn't in my... B- best moments, at the time..." Ragatha stuttered. Don't stutter, you pretentious... ... Anyhow.

"Okay... Do you remember... Caine?" Ragatha already caught wind of the situation...

"The human with the dentures head? Yes, i remember him just fine, he restored us..."

"Yeah..."

"He was a good man, although didn't have the best manners he was alright nonetheless, knew how to make some laugh..." Ragatha and Pomni chuckled at the memory of Caine's wacky way with words. Jumping jellybeans? Seriously? That's a man right there!

A good dude...

"..." Pomni's pupils turned into black scribbles at the thought of him. The chuckling had faded as soon as it started, replaced by...

"I loved that human, if i'm being honest... He knew how to cheer me up, how to make the situation seem less bigger than it actually is... He knew how to kiss, god did he know..." Ragatha let out an "oh my" after hearing Caine kissed her, what else did they do..?!

"He... He was... He's amazing. Just that, amazing..." Pomni sighed, sipping on the tea she's given... "I loved him..." She began to sniff, putting down her cup.

"Oh dearie, come here-" Ragatha put down her cup and welcomed Pomni with open arms, knowing full well she needed to let it out of her system.

And that she did. Pomni got up and hugged Ragatha as tight as she could, and began to sob her lonely heart away, "He loved you too, Pomni, that cannot be denied..." Ragatha spoke as she held Pomni close. The poor jester, so alone...

How ironic.

She has friends, and yet she's lonely.

Caine had filled up a hole nobody could fill, and now that he's gotten out of the game after restoring everyone to their better conditions... That hole is empty once more, a gaping void and nothing to fill it.

How lonely this jester must be...

But it was necessary. He's free now.

[deathmetalunicorn1]

Part 21 Punk Hazard!

There is SO much that happens in this arc! (The ONE time I don’t remember much 💀) however I definitely believe Reader will end up kidnapped by Caesar Clown (As ordered by Doflamingo who has big plans for her from her stunt at Marineford) and he manages to get some of her blood (For some experiments) and discovers some fascinating properties in her blood

Also devious ideas for Momonosuke having a big fat crush on Reader (Evil Laughter)

Y/N and the Straw Hats finally enter the New World (And promise Shirahoshi and their allies that they’ll come back again, especially since they plan to make Fishman Island their territory)

After that ordeal Nami decides to take a nice shower and has Reader join her to help her get nice and clean after such an intense adventure and battle (When they were done, Nami helped Y/N into a pair of clean clothes)

Reader wanted to play, however all the exhaustion finally crashed down on her and she felt very sleepy, and went to her bedroom to take a nap (She wanted to stay up and do more adventure, but Luffy promises to wake her up if he sees Adventure)

However they received a distress call for help on an island called Punk Hazard that they’re being attacked by a Samurai

If Reader is with Zoro, Robin, Luffy and Usopp then Ace is also there (And when they have to cross the icy and flaming waters, Ace uses his boat to get him and Reader across *As everyone else is too big and heavy to join him on his transportation*)

When Zoro, Luffy and Mama Robin are laughing evilly over getting some warm coats, Ace is in the background using his DF to keep his body warm as well as for Reader (And he’s careful that he doesn’t burn her) as she’s shivering a bit from the chill

They couldn’t find a coat to fit her, so Robin makes a flap in the front/back of Luffy/Ace/Zoro’s coat for Reader to stay warm in (Commenting that he looks like a Kangaroo and Reader looks like his baby Joey *Usopp and Brook are laughing hysterically*)

When they meet Kin’emon and Momonosuke (Momo develops a small crush on Reader) but Y/N’s brothers, uncle (Franky) and her grandpa (Brook) aren’t amused, minus Luffy, since he’s too dumb to realize this until Zoro tells him, then he’s on the same boat with everyone else (Meanwhile, Nami and Robin think it’s cute that Reader has a friend around her age to spend time with)

Caesar might try to take some of Reader’s blood (For experiments) and accidentally saw strange properties within her blood, and with a few tests he discovers a shocking discovery, Reader’s blood has phenomenal abilities that can advance his ‘research’ (Cruel and Inhumane Experiments and Weapons) he just needs a LOT more of her blood (History repeats itself) one of them being she can be the key to reach immortality! (So Reader is currently running away as fast as she can away from the Scary Man, only to get caught and hooked up on an operation table)

However Law finds her and helps her (He was shocked to find her there)

When Luffy fought Caesar, he went on about how a ‘Simpleton’ like Luffy and his crew can’t understand how to ‘properly use’ Reader (Luffy feels rage, especially when he recalls how scared Reader was)

Reader is proceeding to cry when her family finds her as she’s sobbing silently and violently trembling in their arms (When they see the machine Reader was hooked up too and some of her blood, they instantly connected the dots on what happened and look absolutely murderous, especially since this level of fear she’s showing is something incredibly raw, a few they all understand all to well)

When Reader finds out about the other children being experimented on she demands to go back because she wants to help them, just like how she wished to be helped (This answer made her family understand that Reader is opening up a bit about her trauma)

Reader raised her voice for the first time begging her Brothers to help save the children as she wants to help them! (She also wants to help Law)

When Caesar was defeated and Sanji whipping up a lot of food of them, the Marines and the children, Reader joins Law to help the kids (And uses her powers to the best of her ability to help relieve them of their pain)

Reader says hello to Smoker and Tashigi and tell her she’s not a prisoner (They definitely believe she’s been brainwashed if she thinks she’s safe around Pirates, but know Reader is most likely better off with Straw Hat Luffy than anyone else)

Sorry if this is a jumbled mess I can’t remember much about what happened in Punk Hazard (I just know that I hate and would gladly kill Caesar Clown)

-It had been a long day for you, leaving Fishman Island, and after a big meal and a bath with Nami, you were knocked out almost instantly, sawing logs as soon as your head hit the pillow.

-You woke up to loud shouting and you sat up, a big groggy and you headed to the door, opening it and seeing Luffy holding a Den-Den Mushi, a distress signal being sent out that whoever was calling was being attacked by a samurai.

-Brook kneeled beside you, noticing you first as you looked up at him, “What’s a samurai?” and he explained it to you, telling you that it’s a swordsman from a nation called Wano, and Luffy decided to head to Punk Hazard.

-The island was so weird! Half of it was covered in ice, the other covered in flames, which made you very confused on how the ice didn’t melt and how the fire wasn’t being put out by the ice.

-Ace, Luffy, Robin, Zoro, and Usopp were the ones to go onto the island, and despite begging to go too, they didn’t want to risk you getting burnt.

-You did pout only slightly, wanting to go explore with them on this new adventure, but seeing all the fire, you were a little nervous, and relented.

-As the ship sailed to the other side of the island, that was covered in snow, you were in awe, wanting to go and play in the snow. You then heard Franky, “Oi who the hell are you?!” everyone turned, seeing unknown men in hazmat suits jumping aboard the ship, but before anyone could do anything- they knocked everyone out.

-You’re not sure how much time had passed, but you felt the gentle brush of fingers on your cheeks, “Are you awake?” you didn’t know the voice and your eyes opened before they went wide, seeing a little pink dragon staring down at you.

-You didn’t know where you were when you sat up, tears coming to your eyes before the dragon panicked, “Don’t cry- I’m going to protect you! I am Momonosuke- the next Shogun of Wano!!” you recalled Wano, as you tilted your head to the side, looking adorable, “The land of samurais?”

-Momo instantly flushed- you were so cute!! He nodded, looking quite pleased with himself, “Yes- you are correct fair maiden!” he talked kind of funny as you looked around this room, finding yourself on a small cot, “Where are we?”

-Momo looked around, as he wasn’t supposed to be here, but he had heard of a young girl being brought in, and he wanted to make sure she was safe, while avoiding the guards himself, “On Punk Hazard- it’s a former World Government base, but now it’s- it’s something else, a lab.”

-Before you could ask him any more questions, voices filled the air near the door and Momo spoke, “I’ll come find you later, what’s your name?” you smiled up at him, “I’m Y/N!” he nodded and disappeared through a vent as the door opened, revealing a man who looked like he was made of clouds but also looked like a clown.

-He smiled broadly, seeing you awake, “Ahh Y/N you’re finally awake- I was concerned why you weren’t waking up!” he picked you up, despite being made of clouds, which made you curious, playing with his shoulder that kept making whisps, “You’re made of clouds?” he laughed at your naivety, “No my dear- I’m made of gas, I ate the Gas-Gas Fruit- marvelous isn’t it? But not as marvelous as you!”

-You were confused by what he meant, he didn’t seem scary, as he was smiling and laughing, like he was having fun while walking down the hallway with you.

-What felt like hours later, you were sobbing, a washcloth in your mouth, stuffed there after Caesar got tired of your crying and screaming for your brothers.

-When he saw you on the ship, he knew this was going to be a glorious chance to get his hands on you!

-He had been vying for you ever since your abilities had been made public, and as he experimented on you, drawing blood from you, he found that this wasn’t a Devil Fruit ability- this was something you could do yourself!!

-He had torn the clothes from your body, seeing the scars, seeing that someone else knew this fact about you as well, knowing what you could do as you were strapped down, crying heavily, reliving old trauma of being trapped while being tortured here.

-You were so scared, your heartrate was through the roof and you felt like throwing up, but you couldn’t, your arms and legs as well as your torso and head were strapped down, unable to move, unable to escape.

-Caesar looked like a child in a candy store, watching your horn flare to life as your ability healed another six cuts on your arm. You were getting dizzy now, a fever starting to form, which he recorded, “Hmm- it’s probably due to your age that your ability seems to be so weak. Ahh the limitations of youth~ I wonder what you will be like when you’re older!”

-You could barely understand him through the haze of the pain and your fever, you just wanted the pain to stop- you wanted Luffy and Ace, Sanji, and Robin- you wanted your family- you wanted to go home!!

-When the whole island seemed to shake, an earthquake it felt like, Caesar pulled back, a scowl on his lips, questioning the guards who were in the area what was going on, but nobody seemed to have an answer.

-He left you, promising to return shortly to have more fun, as you broke down, your tears unable to stop as you started to tremble, going into shock.

-You heard the sound of the door opening, and you didn’t know if you had passed out, so you don’t know how much time had passed, but you heard someone whisper out a naughty word and you looked up, seeing a new man there, wearing a leopard seal hat.

-He quickly moved to your side and worked quickly on getting you free, gritting his teeth lightly. He couldn’t bear to see such a young child being tortured like this- he was a pirate, a warlord, but he wasn’t heartless!

-Law knew that the Straw Hats were looking for you, he recalled how enraged Luffy and Ace had been when they learned you had been taken. Normally he would have teased them for not having weaknesses, but he kept quiet, as he remembered his own little sister, who he had been unable to help.

-Law pulled you into his arms, wrapping you in a blanket before holding you close. You didn’t know this man, but unlike Caesar, he wasn’t hurting you, he was helping you.

-Law pulled out his sword, and slashed at the room, destroying all the evidence and machines, as well as the vials of your blood, not wanting a child to be turned into a weapon. He knew the government was after you, and he knew that Doflamingo was after you- and Law knew all too well how dangerous that could be.

-He glanced down at you, seeing that you had a fever and spoke quietly, “I know you are tired, but try to stay awake.” You nodded softly, looking up at him, curious as to where you remember him from.

-When he stopped in a quiet area, allowing himself a breather, you spoke up, smiling softly as you remembered, “I remember you- you had a fluffy polar bear.” He smiled softly, happy that you had remembered Bepo, and through his friend, you remembered him. He was glad that you didn’t remember what he had unintentionally taught you.

-Law felt the rumbles of the various attacks through the building, as he scowled softly, after he had teamed up with Smoker and the Straw Hats to defeat Caesar and his forces, as well as looking for you as you were the only one who was missing.

-Law had been stunned by the faith Luffy had put in him, entrusting him with finding you, and while not happy being given orders by someone else, Law couldn’t help but squeeze you a bit tighter, feeling relief that he did find you.

-Footsteps filled his ears and Law turned, his eyes widening, seeing Vergo there, who looked unimpressed, “Law- what do you think you’re doing with Y/N?” Law ground his teeth slightly, glaring as he knew that Vergo had already reported to Doflamingo about his betrayal, but now, facing off against him, he knew he had to keep you safe.

-Law hesitated in fighting, wondering if he should just flee, or if he should put you down, but that would give an opportunity for Vergo to grab you, or someone else to grab you.

-Law inhaled deeply, holding you on his hip, turning so you would be shielded, “You and Doflamingo will not hurt this child again.” He swallowed his fear as Vergo glared down at him, trying to intimidated him, like old times.

-You clutched onto Law’s jacket tightly, the sounds of fighting ringing in your ears as your head was pounding, you felt so sick- so weak. Caesar had taken so much blood from you and made you use your quirk so much that he was almost to the point of killing you.

-When Vergo was finally defeated, you finally peeked out as Law was panting hard before he sheathed his sword, “C’mon- we gotta get out of here!” you didn’t respond, as he rushed towards the rail tracks, where the others all agreed to meet.

-Law knew that if the facility was at risk, Doflamingo was going to implement the failsafe, destroying the whole island, as only Caesar was wanted alive, because with him, he could still continue to produce SAD, false Devil Fruits.

-You knew what SADs were, as you heard Caesar talking about them, wanting to make these false Devil Fruits, using your ability, to create an army of people with your ability.

-Ace shouted out your name as he saw you, as Law sprinted and leapt up, as the railcar had just left and Ace caught Law by his jacket, pulling him into the cart and many voices shouted out your name, seeing the state you were in.

-Law and Robin, as Chopper was still trying to stabilize Mocha, worked quickly, as the G5 soldiers kept the other children back, who were all wondering who you were- as you were a child they hadn’t met yet.

-Momo shouted out your name, from his spot around Luffy’s neck, who was stunned stiff, seeing the state you were in, as you were now crying, holding onto Robin’s hands, your body trembling as Law tried to use what he could to try to stabilize you, as you were going into shock.

-Ace was the one to shake Luffy out of his shock, as Monet started the self-destruct sequence, and the tunnel was starting to collapse, so they needed to keep the track clear to avoid the incoming poison.

-Your crew- no… your family was furious, seeing you in such a state, as the cart managed to get outside safely, and despite the celebration, Chopper, who was now helping Law, were still trying to get you stabilized.

-Tashigi was appalled, seeing the scars on your arms, which looked old, and she remembered Caesar’s words to the Straw Hats, that they didn’t know how to use you properly. It made her blood boil, thinking they were the ones who did this to you.

-Smoker was also enraged, fully prepared to fight for you, thinking that you weren’t safe with the Straw Hats, thinking they were using you just like Caesar wanted to.

-Ace and Luffy got into a fight with Smoker, the three of them shouting while everyone else watched and Tashigi spoke up, pointing at you, “Then what about those wounds! Are you the ones who did that to her?!”

-Nami glared hard, she respected Tashigi, as she reminded her of Belle Mere, “Shut up.” The air turned icy, hearing Nami’s fury as she spoke, intimidating Tashigi, “Don’t make accusations if you don’t know who did them. We would never hurt a child.”

-Tashigi, realizing what she had suggested, gasped, in shock before Sanji spoke, glaring at Smoker, “And it’s your government who wants Y/N alive and for such a high bounty. What makes you think they won’t do the same to her if you get your hands on her.”

-Neither could make an argument, as Smoker knew that there was something fishy up on why the government was so adamant about getting their hands on you, but there was no proof.

-Once you were finally stabilized, Luffy agreed to leave the other children with Smoker, and Law, Momo, and Kin’emon hopped aboard Sunny, as the next island was their shared destination, Dressrosa.

-Robin and Nami carefully doted on you, as they could tell that you were now very emotionally fragile as you weren’t responding verbally to any of them, not even Luffy or Ace. Your eyes were glassy, and you seemed like you were just there, like a living doll, which enraged your family to see you in such a state.

-Caesar was being held down in the brig, chained with sea stone and Law had his heart, and promised to kill him if he tried anything, but Caesar was more scared of the Straw Hats, who all looked ready to murder him in thousands of different ways!

-Law was the one to come up with an idea, as you were sitting in Usopp’s arms, while Luffy and Ace were trying to feed you, trying to get you to eat, after Chopper couldn’t come up with anything to get you out of this state.

-Chopper was hesitant, as was Robin, worried that this might make it worse, but they couldn’t argue with Law’s theory, that it could work and after going back and forth, Chopper agreed.

-You didn’t react with Chopper grabbed your arm gently, rubbing your upper arm with rubbing alcohol, before he poked you with a needle, filled with just some iron supplements, after Law told them how much blood Caesar had taken.

-You jumped, nearly out of Usopp’s arms, being shocked awake before you saw Chopper there, putting a bunny band-aid on you as tears welled in your eyes and quickly you were crying, finally breaking.

-While relieved you had finally broken out of shock, letting your emotions finally out, they could all tell, the way you were crying, that this wasn’t from the needle, but everything you had to live through in the past few hours, as you clutched at Usopp, your arms around his neck as he was trying not to tear up, hugging you tightly to him.

-As relief went through everyone, as you cried, slowly calming down, you saw everyone there, including the new faces. Kin’emon introduced himself, bowing at the waist and your eyes went sparkly, seeing the sword, “Are you a samurai?” he preened, looking a bit smug as he posed, telling you that he was before you met Momo, in his human form who came over to you, “I am pleased to see that you are alright, Miss Y/N!” you smiled sweetly at him and he turned bright red, something that quickly had the men in your life quickly surrounded by flames of rage, seeing this budding love.

-You then saw Law, who you remember rescuing you and you smiled, now more lucid, “Mr. Law!” he smiled softly, hearing the name, as he did try not to smile, but failed as he gave you a small wave in return. Nami was surprised, seeing you remember his name, as you had been pretty out of it, “You remember his name?”

-You nodded brightly, “I do- I remember Mr. Law because he had the cute polar bear! And he taught me this!” as you flipped the bird, Nami quickly made you stop, reminding you gently that it was a rude gesture while angry eyes turned to Law who had turned away, sipping his tea very loudly, wanting to disappear.

-Robin was the one to bring the mood down, but it’s not that she wanted to, “Y/N do you remember what happened?” you looked down, looking at your hands before you pushed the sleeves up, gasps coming from Momo and Kin’emon who were appalled to see the scars on your little body, as you saw the wounds were all healed.

-You swallowed hard, trying to fight off your tears, as you finally told them everything, from what Caesar did to you, and telling them about Overhaul, the man who was the first to do this to you, all those years ago, keeping you locked up and using your ability for his research, torturing you and keeping you under his thumb until you managed to escape and find Luffy.

-Everyone was stunned, hearing this, many were in tears, unable to process how someone was so cruel to someone so small.

-Ace wanted to badly to hug you, but his body was slowly turning flushed, his powers flaring up due to his anger, knowing he would hurt you, and Luffy wanted nothing more than to find this Overhaul and make him pay- hurting him ten times over to get payback, and to kill Caesar for touching you.

-Law was the one to tell everyone that Doflamingo ran Dressrosa, and that they needed to be extra careful to keep you safe, because Doflamingo was very dangerous, and if he wanted you, he was going to try to take you.

-Ace and Luffy just punched their fists together, grinning brightly at Law, speaking in unison, “‘Let him try!’” Law couldn’t help but shake his head lightly, the Straw Hats were all so tenacious, but then again, that was one of the few things he liked about them.

[ziipzeepzop-eez]

leoichi as adoptive parents hcs! | platonic, found family, two goobers and a 'baby'.

they're just dumb and in love. both with each other, and you.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

𝒂/𝒏: this is just pure brainrot tbh. shameless self indulgence of these dorks. word vomit that I definitely tried to format in a someday coherent way. ridiculous amount of fluff imho. the embodiment of spongebob's house when it got sucked dry by all them sea worms......whatever tf they were: yeah that's my brain being reduced to mush after FINALLYYYYY getting it all out. /lhj

Say it with me, now. *raises hands like a maestro* Blaaaaaaaame the brainnnnwoorrrrmmmss. 🐛💥🧠

anyway enjoy your ✨fruitbowl parents✨ agenda. ᡣ𐭩

leo 🫐

such. a mother.

always fretting over your health and safety :(( he just wants you to be safe !! happy !! healthy !! always.

big hugger/cuddler: i’m talking big ol’ bear hugs, snuggles, smothering your face in kisses, play-fighting (he makes sure not to hurt you!), head rubs/pats, the whole shabang.

of course, if you’re not comfortable with physical touch– he doesn’t overstep your boundaries!

there are so many different ways he showcases his love and affection to you; he’s a very caring parent.

very protective over you.

not in the prohibiting/constrictive sense, but in the best way that you know he’s always got your back.

both him and yui are fairly protective over you– and both of them always got your back– dgmw, but leo will throw down if your reputation/safety is on the line.

teaches you boundaries (in all aspects including others and yourself) and how to enforce them. gets a bit violent when protecting yours in the moments your boundaries are crossed.

you're his baby and nobody’s allowed to mess w his babies >:((

don’t get me started ✋🏼 on if it’s a.... *speaks cautiously* bullying situation.

NONEEEE OF Y’ALL ARE LEAVING THAT DINGY SCHOOL OFFICE WITHOUT JUSTICE BEING SERVED LMAOOAOOOO

as much as he clowns the aspect of them, leo can be a bit of a karen himself when it comes to your reputation/safety!

(& truthfully i think yui would play peacekeeper of sorts, especially if leo starts getting really heated but that's only if it escalates really badly. but tbh he can be just as intense. they're both always ready to throw down for you, anywhere, anytime.)

real talk: it's not so much the child as it will be the parents leo snarks at. he’s knowledgeable in the fact that behaviors are learned. taught.

while intolerant to any behavioral that bring you discomfort, he's glaring holes into the parental figures/guardians, hackles raised, and Lord above is it more. than enough.

leo – for all the jokester that he is – knows how to hunker down and get serious and boy oh boy does that man get serious when his beloveds are involved.

he is very good at reading people. he has a sharp judge of character. and he'll take up any business with whoever is responsible for your offender's-in-question wellbeing; if their behaviors reflect the hostilities you were met with.... well, there's not really much else to say, is there?

he'll throw down with the parents and he'll throw down wITH THE KID(S) TOO HE DOES NOT GIVE A FRESH DAMN.

girl fu them kids and fu you too energy. /hj

everybody’s getting schooled on this day and it ain’t gonna be by the teachers. 💥💥💥

takes you out for food and sweet treats after such a harrowing ordeal 😮‍💨 is probably still ranting long after they've picked you up from school and has to he calmed down by yui lol. and if you don’t like sweets, he’ll get you a cute little gift from the shops! :)

he just wants to see you smile, man. 💔 anything for you.

later on, back home, he sits you down and speaks to you in a warm, lovely tone. he inquires about anything else that might've gone down, any icky thoughts in that little head of yours..?

reassures you that none of it was your fault. comforts you in every way possible because like i said, leo is very good at reading people. how much more would he get to know you— his child? he knows how to make you feel better. no matter what.

but on the chance that you may have started something.... mmmm.

his parental patented scolding techniques come in. probs the "I'm not mad, just Disappointed." type. AND IT HURTTTTTS EVERY SINGLE TIME.

(but this is Very Rare seeing as he'd raise you with manners and good behavior he don't play none of that mess.)

you don't have to say anything. you can say something, deny it. affirm it. if it bothered you, genuinely, he'll know. if it didn't — he'll know it too.

either way, he ruffles your head and smiles that smile down at you. "you're everything to me. you know that, right?"

you do.

calls you by the cutest endearments in spanish !! the most common are: mijo/a, mi tesoro, mi vida, burbuja/burbujita, and cielo. mi is always a constant at the front of them :')) he's just so proud that you're his kid.

speakin’ of which– if you speak Spanish/pick it up from him, he gets so smiley and giddy :(( and y’all just have convos of silly jokes and sweet nothings that seem like not much out the ordinary in the moment but it's memories in the making and you look back on them and and, he just looks at you with so much fondness and :((( i am so SAD.

sings to you a lot. especially by means of comfort. sure, he'll burst into an impromptu dance and song number that's so ridiculous, so silly, but so entertaining that it's bound to put a smile on your face (his ulterior motives all along muahahahaaa!).

he also sings you lullabies. especially when you have a nightmare that's shaken you badly enough to tears. he's by your side in an instant, shushing you gently, wiping your face and reassuring you that he's there and that he won't let anything hurt you, ever.

movie night cuddles! if you and yui fall asleep before him, he'll adjust so you're all in one big cuddle pile. in the following morning he'll lightheartedly complain about it, but trust me. it's his favorite thing ever. (being curled up and cozy and safe with the two biggest centers of his universe.)

takes you to see your favorite uncles, aunties, and grampa splinter! sometimes he'll sit back and just watch you interact with them, his Proud Dad™ aura threatening to soften him and everyone in his closest vicinity to mush, and only snaps out of it when met with a teasing quip from one of his siblings.

casey is the cool nomad older brother/uncle figure who visits every so often and he's just, so exceedingly cool to you. he brings you souvenirs from his travels and spends a lot of quality time with you - y'all's relationship is lighthearted and fun loving!

—and leo cries because his kids omg his- their kids are so stinkin cute and wholesome and yui yui,,they really built themselves their castle on the hill didn't they omgomgomgomg guaaaaueueueuueue *cue rabbit paw shoulder pats of support*

because of leo's insomnia, he's your constant nighttime company. on the nights where sleep just doesn't come so easily, you can count to find him lounging about in the house somewhere. he'll fret gently if he sees you awake at an ungodly hour, but ultimately welcomes you with open arms.

▹▹ p. s. his chest is a prime cuddle-hug-back-to-sleep haven. with his deep churrs, one large hand rubbing comfortingly over your back, the warmth that creates coupled with the natural coolness from his body - it'll have you out like a light. worked when you were younger, works now. always will.

always the jokester, sooososo many jokes and lighthearted teasing with this guy. of course we know his jokes are insufferably constant (what? he's a dad now! he can ACTUALLY USE DAD JOKES AND THEY'LL ACTUALLY HIT HOME!!), but get this: the teasing - while good-natured - comes with the afterthought of teaching you subconsciously to hold your ground. it's his way of "raising you tough."

howbeit: if you're naturally sensitive, leo will protect it with all he's got. reassures you that sensitivity does not equal weakness and gets his esteemed example to deepen those teachings!

(( "look at uncle angie!! he cried over the fact that snakes don't have any arms yesterday. (/ref + /lh) and he's one of the strongest in our hamato-usagi battalion!"

"why would you say tone indicators out loud, papa?" ))

it's just— the world can be a dark and unforgiving place, with even darker and more unforgiving people.

as much as it pains him, he knows him and yuichi aren't always going to be there to protect you from every little thing. forever seems like it right now, but you still have so much growing to do.

he wants to make sure you'll be able to hold your own. not only physically, but emotionally/verbally.

the principles and lessons he teaches you are tidbits of gold that shape your mind and future and you carry them with you for a long time to come, whether you know it or not.

to conclude this- trust. you definitely know how to fight. at the very most defend yourself and others if need be !! i mean c'mon: you're the heir to a ninja and a samurai ! you know how to throw a punch just as well as you can parry it.

while they teach you the core value of never starting the fight and walking away to deescalate, they also teach you to kick names and take ass. (/ref) ain't nobody messin' with you, champ. 😎

—and if they do? they have a wholeeee clan to deal with now. because anyone who has a problem with you has a problem with all of your family — both sides.

in living out their motto, anata wo hitori janai, with you — he seems to relearn it in a special way each and every time.

and he wouldn't have it any other way. <3

yuichi 🍇

doesn’t always use pet names, but he says your name so fondly all the time – just beholds you like you’re the absolute treasure of his life (which you basically are tbh) – it feels like an endearment all its own.

your gentle force: he’s the one you turn to when everything gets too loud, too harsh, too overwhelming, too much.

y’all are mad in tune; all it takes is one look (not specifically in the eyes).

he’d pull you close. his fur is warm, soft, smells like tea leaves and incense and home.

given the situation – if you wanted silence, that’s what he’d give you.

if you needed something other than the ringing in your ears, something other than your mind, he hums.

he hums, pets your head, rocks you back and forth – right there in his lap. (you’ll never be too big, too old, for them to hold you.)

if you don't prefer being held, he'll give you your space. rest assured, he's respectful just like leo and doesn't ever want to make you uncomfortable. but he does stay close. if you ever need him, he'll always be close by.

even if you guys don't talk, it's just reassuring having his presence close by. to know you're not (and never will be) alone.

he holds you .... in a different way. 🥹

if you need words, he tells you every little thing he loves about you. tells you why you’re his.

he tells you how he admires you– not only as his child, but as an individual.

he reminds you that you will always have a place in his heart, nestled right between leo.

for all his harebrained-ness (see what i did there? *wheeze, knee slap*) – there’s no second-guessing his intense fondness for you. alongside leo, you're his heart and he moves in it every single day.

his friends are all your godparents.

now hear me out: yes, they could all be your aunties/uncles, and in a way they are!!

i mean, that's what you call them sometimes too! but gen, chisa and kitsune are his platonic soulmates. they just... locked in. 🔐🫂

so they're all just that little bit closer than your standard "auntie" and "uncle." ❤️‍🩹

they're your favorite babysitters. on yuichi's side of the family, anyway!

yui is a bit of a klutz, but somehow. he always. manages. to catch you. before you fall. before you even have the chance to trip up!

chalk it up to his samurai honed skills, his training paying off, his newfound parental instincts, a whirlwind of all three! he will gladly fall ass over kettle because he'll be damned if you're at risk to gain a scratch or two on his watch.

onlookers would suspect that leo is the more "involved" parent between them both, but that's a load of crock.

be it because yui's aura isn't as imposing as his beloved turtle counterpart that leads to this train of thought or not, it couldn't be farther from the truth! yui is the one who's constantly hovering (/pos).

he moves seamlessly, as natural as air, through the movements of your life that sometimes... it can almost seem like he isn't there. but like air, you know he's there, and you reap the benefits every single day.

cuddles with him are supreme as well! he's fluffy and warm. his embrace just speaks volumes of safety and familiarity.

every time you're near him you feel a little sleepy because it's so warm and safe :(( especially if you're not feeling too good! when you're feeling under the weather, he's the first you subconsciously seek out :'((((((

makes sure you're getting your food groups every single day. fruit and veggie platters, afternoons spent in the garden outside of your home, sunshine and the smell of fresh soil and sliced cucumbers are what made your childhood summers just that more magical.

scolds leo if he feeds you too much junk loll.

yuichi is like your vitamin, both figuratively and literally. he's learned so much from growing up on the farm with his grandmother, natural remedies are his forte.

in this additional sense, he teaches you farm work. four times out of ten, it ends in disaster, maybe or maybe not including a massacred watermelon grove, but through trial and error, you've managed to keep a good portion of accurate agriculture and gardening knowledge ingrained in the long-term area of your brain. 🙏🏼

gets nervous when you go out :(( he's of course happy that you get your freedom, but he can't help but to feel antsy whenever you're out of he and leo's sights; it's not that he doesn't trust you, he's just a worrywart /aff.

so! without fail, each time: before you go out, he'll kneel down to gently bonk foreheads with you, closes his eyes, and speaks an old Japanese blessing of safety and wellbeing over you. something he learned from his grandmother.

whereas leo is ecstatic to teach you the way of the sword (and is methodical with it too dw), yuichi may as well faint himself into a coma each time.

he gets much better when you're older, of course, even teaches you himself. but when you were younger? heeeheesh.... nobody. will forget the incident at the 6th Birthday Party Swordsmanship Knighthood Round Table Esk Extravaganza.

(fake blood was involved. a lighthearted prank gone wrong amidst the already electric atmosphere of cake and fun. a prank gone hard hearted, if you will. yuichi fainted twice, vomited once, and catapulted leo out of a window. the pigs got out of the pen. the koi fish were fished out of the pond. law enforcement was contacted. donnie's confetti canons backfired at one point. you guys are still finding glitter in random spots in the house to this day. it was madness.)

takes you on hikes and new adventures! you guys are always getting into something, whether it's discovering a new shadow dancing group in town's square or accidentally liberating a herd of cattle from a neighboring farmhouse auction, these make the best memories with him. because he exuded glee and held you close the entire time.

in calm moments, yui would recount tales of his ancestors to you. especially that of his great great grandfather (?? how many greats were there I'm sorry ajshdjd) - while you look up at him in wonder.

and in moments when you're not looking- he looks at you in wonder too. a wonder that only a parent could hold for their beloved child.

—

your dads sing to you. they both do that a lot, actually.

i imagine you get so used to hearing a little croon here, a gentle hum there … so much so that pure radio silence settles discomfort in your bones. there was always something.

even the little things that nudge you a reminder in the subconscious voices of your parents: you're here, you're alive, we're here for you, we'll always be here for you, i love you.

their songs make your outlook on life a little lighter. something more melodic. like the songs they sing you.

home becomes a song to you, unconsciously.

if someone were to ask you to define home to you . . .

it’s the bone-crushing hugs of your turtle dad. the deep, all-encompassing warmth. the smell of tea leaves, incense, bamboo wood – the sound of soft laughter, sing-songy words, horrendous dad jokes and endless puns. the constant words of affirmation that pick you up in your lowest moments and raise you even higher at your best. the gentle forehead bonks. both: sci-fi comics series and legends of samurai and ninja alike as wondrous bedtime stories. warm eyes, even warmer hands grasping yours. reassurance. safety. the love of your family.

love incarnate.

storge.

home is love. love is home.

—

with parents like them,

you will never go hungry.

you will never cry nor be alone.

you will never fight with nobody by your side. 

you will never be unwanted.

you will never sing songs of your sorrow without it being sunrisen by joy.

you will never, ever go unloved.

you're the brightest light in their lives and they make sure you know it, every single day! 🌟

© ziipzeepzop-eez all reservations apply.

[esggs]

How Was Noritoshi Kamo Found To Have Blood Manipulation? 

[ 860+ words  |  part of Obeisance to The Arrow Universe  |  fluff, angst, canon-compliant  |  tw: adultery, misogyny, blood, Kamo sr. is a fuckwad]

Who was Ms. Kanagusuku? For starters, she was a bold spirit who left her little backwater village after high school for the spicy flashy metro city life. She was then the tired waitress who locked eyes with the handsome older man at his event (said event being the 100 Day Celebration of his son). A number on a napkin, a meeting in a bar, a walk along the river that carried the same name as that gentleman- Kamo. She was the young homewrecker whose guilt melted as his unhesitant lips warmed her neck, her fingers twined around the strands of his long hair. She was the dumb fucking clown who believed him when he said, “My wife? Don’t even take her name, she’ll never understand me the way you do” and “You’re different, sweetheart, you’re the only one for me. I’ll leave her the second I can” and “You don’t want to get involved with my family, it’s too complicated there” and “Keep the baby, my darling, we’ll raise him together, we’ll get married and be a happy family.”

Not like any of that happened. But that was all years ago. Right now, Ms. Kanagusuku is a damsel who stubbed her toe and is writhing in pain on the kitchen floor. 

I know this is all karma for what I did, but isn’t it getting a bit too much? 

“Mama?” Noritoshi’s voice calls out from the living room. “Are you okay?”

At least, at the very least, I’ve still got my son.

Her bright-eyed and soft-cheeked little boy doesn’t wait for her to reply as he comes running to her, eyes widening when he notices her like that. Her broken toenail is bleeding all over.

“Mama, you’re hurt!” He’s almost in tears, poor child, as he softly picks up her hand in both of his and kisses it, exactly the way she does to him when he gets a boo-boo. He doesn’t know how to help other than that. “Mama, Mama, it’s ok.” He’s distraught, sniffing his tears in. “Just fix your blood, okay?”

Fix my blood? “I’m fine, baby. I just shouted because I was surprised, it doesn’t actually hurt.” Ms. Kanagusuku lies. “I’ll bandage it now, don’t worry.”

Noritoshi shakes his head. “Fix your blood first, Mama. You’re so red everywhere.” He chokes back a sob.

“How do you fix blood, son?” His father’s voice drawls lazily. For someone who promised to give her the moon, he hasn’t even put down his magazine to help her up. “Go wash the blood off, you’re scaring him.”

“I can’t fucking walk.”

“God!” Kamo slams the magazine down, having to help her stumble into the bathroom. “Don’t curse in front of him!”

Little Noritoshi is still sniffling when his dad picks him up. However harsh he is to his mistress, he’s always been a good father. That, and the fact that Kamo pays for everything, is the only reason, Ms. Kanagusuku tells herself as she washes the blood off her foot with a wince, that she tolerates the way he acts towards her. 

“Toshi, when you grow up don’t be a crybaby like your mother, alright?” His dad doesn’t come by often, only about twice a week around dinner time, and is always gone by the time he’s awake the next morning. Even though he’s worried sick about his mother’s leg, it’s nice to be held up like this. “Ah, I forgot,” Kamo laughs. “How do you fix blood, huh, silly boy?”

“You pull it back in so it's not bloody anymore.”

Kamo freezes. Ms. Kanagusuku, clouded in her own pain, misses the moment when Noritoshi’s life tips over.

"Can you do that?"

"Papa?"

“You can pull your blood in?”

“Yeah, Papa.”

Kamo Sr. runs to get a sewing needle, dips it in his beer, and sticks it into his son’s trembling fingertip. If he flinches because the needle went deeper than he thought, Kamo ignores it. Noritoshi’s blood drips down his finger like tears.

“Show me that you can fix it.” It’s a command but his father’s voice is light. The child is scared of things he doesn’t understand yet. 

Yet he obeys. He scrunches his eyes shut tight and wishes really really hard that his wound gets fixed. What he does, subconsciously, is manipulate the leaked blood back into his veins and increase the platelet count to seal the injury. When he opens his eyes a second later, his wound has scabbed over, and his father is bear-hugging him so tight that his ribs hurt. “I'm so proud of you, my son. I’m so proud to be your father.” Noritoshi’s six-year-old head is spinning. “You’re a godsend, you don’t even understand. Noritoshi-” He says, “-wake up early tomorrow, we’ll go out, yes, son?”

Ms. Kanagusuku is still in the bathroom. Of all the things that she is, she is ignorant of the fact that this is her last day with her son. She doesn’t know that tomorrow, Kamo Noritoshi will be packaged in an expensive kimono and presented to the Clan as the heir. She doesn’t know that they will be torn apart like grass in the wind, and will only see each other after 12 years. She doesn’t know that the memory of this day will haunt him for the rest of his life.  

a/n: at the time of their meeting, Kamo’s father was 30 and his mother was 19. So at the point of this fic, his mother would be 25 and his father 36. Kanagusuku is an Okinawan surname; she was a new kid in mainland Japan who thought she was living her own Cinderella story finding Kamo Sr. but it was actually more like The Conjuring. he gets away with abusing her because he's got her trapped. the only way she can leave is by letting go of her son too, which she eventually does as we know in canon. also the fact that she keeps her Okinawan version of her surname instead of changing it to Kaneshiro, which is the Japanese version of the name, to fit into Kyoto society, says something about her. on one hand, she is a homewrecker who fucked a married man knowing full well what she was doing. on the other hand... does she actually deserve all this?

this is very important to me that u picture takumi from nana when u think of Kamo Sr.

[cherry-pop-elf]

Safe This Night

George/Fred/Bill Weasley x WerewolfStudent!Reader

You just wanted to go to school, and live your life. It’s not your fault. It was NEVER your fault, and your favorite Weasley’s knows it. The magpie, and wolf, to your scared dog

Commissions open

Can be read romantic or platonic

Warnings: Werewolfphobia, threats of violence, ableism, emotional distress, Metaphors, Karens. Just, Karens being Karens. Thats a warning in itself honestly -_- Wa Waaaaa

“MR. WEASLEY-! HELP-!” You panted, as you slammed his shop doors open. Nearly sent him flying backwards, as he was just trying to close up for the night. Your robes were in disarray, as you were a mess. Hair all over the place, clothes tattered, and the stench of magic on you. You were attacked, and you were scared.

“Love, what’s the matter-?!” George was quick to ask, as you ran behind him. In the distance, he saw someone storming towards the shop. He didn’t hesitate. “Upstairs, now-!” He ordered, and you listened. You ran up the stairs, as fast as your aching feet would allow. You were so scared, and you swore you would die. You didn’t know how many floors you ran up, you just knew you didn’t stop until you tripped. You sniffled, as you grabbed to the railing, looking down below.

“I know I saw that thing run in here.” The woman scorned, as she nearly pushed Mr. Weasley against his own stair case. “Excuse me, I don’t know what you are talking about.” He would play dumb, but was quick to grab his own wand. As to avoid getting in harms way for himself. He’s dealt with one angry pink bitch before, he’s ready to face another one.

“You damn well know what I’m talking about, you clown-“ She warned, as she poked at his chest. “Did you not hear me? Oh of course not. I-KNOW-YOU-SAW-THAT-THING-!” She would shout, and slowly no less, making his working ear ring. He knew he was an overwhelming man, but this woman was another case entirely. He swore his PTSD from Umbridge was kicking in. He could see the wall of cat plates all over again.

“Need me to drop in?” A wavering voice would ask, as you sniffled into your sleeve. “Please. I don’t want this to be my fault.” You hiccuped, as you could feel freezing arms around you. “Oh don’t be like that-!” The voice laughs. “Our shop is for everyone. We even got Lupins Lunar Chocolate for the lot of you-!” He laughed, before you felt the presence leave. A whisper of blues wavering through the ever colorful shop.

“Lady, who are you even?!” George managed to snap. Hard to knock him off his composure, but he saw a student in distress. No babies are getting hurt on his watch. “My name is Renka, and I am part of a task force to get those horrible werewolves out of here!” She would proudly boast, as George would raise a brow. “Huh?” He blinked, as she scoffed. “You gotta be kidding me-“ The voice would whisper, before vanishing through the wall of the shop. Leading to Gringotts.

“I-SAID-!” She began to shout, as he quickly covered his working ear. “I HEARD YOU, YOU TWAT-!” He snapped, as he shook his head. “Why the hell would there be a task force to hunt down werewolves? What are we? Muggles from the eighteen hundreds?!” He scoffed, as that had you giggle. Luckily you were safe away enough to not be heard. Even in distress, he knew how to get a laugh.

“Because those THINGS shouldn’t be around-!” She would lecture, as he would rub his temples. “Ma’am, we aren’t in the eighteen hundreds anymore.” He sighed, as he would summon one of the chocolate bars over. Decorated with a familiar werewolf, cuddling with a black dog. Smiling, under a full moon. Soft blues, with a constelation to keep that lonely moon company.

“My uncle, and eldest brother, helped me and my twin make these. These are Lupins Lunar Chocolate Bars. These are made with wolfsbane, so that it’s easier to digest. ESPECIALLY for kids.” He calmly explained, as he flipped it over. Showing the ingredient lists. “Werewolf approved.” He proudly said, as Renka looked utterly horrified. As if you slapped her and called her a mud blood.

“You HELP those things-?” She whispered, as heavy footsteps would soon be behind her. “Things-?” A voice spoke, as she looked up. Eyes meeting a pair of mismatched browns, with a face that was shredded. Teeth exposed, hairline cut, and eye most certainly fake. A pale complexion, to accent the freckles of amber stars. William Weasley. Gringotts Favorite Curse Breaker.

She would soon stumble away, holding her wand up properly. Her back against a shelf, as Bill would walk over to George. He ruffled his younger brothers hair, making him stick his tongue out. “Free of charge, for ya-!” George playfully said, as his eldest sibling took the bar. Happily eating it.

“How could you help those things?” She whispered, with in pure horror and shock. “Because we aren’t Umbridge’s, like you-!” A voice shouted, before a blue face would poke out of her stomach. A mimic of George, if he had a pair of ears. Transparent, and whimsical in the many shades of blue. He would blow a raspberry, and it sent her running out of the shop. Screaming bloody murder, and leaving those twins to cackle like the mad men they were.

“Lame. Didn’t even get to pull out the big guns.” The Ghost whined, before zipping himself through the air. Back to where you were. He would pat your head, with a ghostly hand. “Don’t worry. Umbridge’s ugly sister is gone.” He playfully said, as you wiped your eyes. Still horribly startled. You were chased across diagon alley. That’s scary. They could understand, having witnessed such to the likes of Remus and William.

“Come on, let’s get you some chocolate. A wise old man said this once. Eat some Chocolate, you’ll feel better.” Fred proudly said, as he would guide you down the stairs. He couldn’t really hold your hand, but the gesture helped you regardless. Grounding you back to earth, from his cold gesture. The deathly cold helped you pull from your anxiety filled thoughts.

“Oh come here, love.” George offered his arms, and you ran into him. He held you close, as he worked on pulling the sticks from your hair. Making sure you were cared for, as Fred would hover over to their eldest brother. Sitting cross legged, in the air, as William ate. Left to talk to each other, as George would make sure you were cared for. His Big Brother Instincts were kicking in, after all.

“Thanks for snagging me out of the bank-“ William began, as George would help tidy you up. Making sure you had some sugar to help you feel better. Some spare Lunar Bars for the trip home, and just pampering you. Helping you come back to earth, and hushing you. Reminding you that you did nothing wrong, and you were no monster. She was the monster. Not you. You simply existed. She chose to act like that.

“The goblins there will make sure she has a hard time. That’s all I’m saying. They won’t stand for Werewolfphobia like that.” Bill said, proudly. Those Goblins treated him like family, after all. If someone hated him, then they’ll hate you right back. Just a bunch of old men, and their wild child. Nothing like what people assume. Thinking they are greedy gremlins. Bill will fight anyone who says that.

“Thank you, guys.” You sniffled, as Fred floated himself over. Letting his cold fingers run through your hair, and making it play around you. That had you giggle, as he stuck his ghostly tongue out. “We got ya, kiddo. Don’t sweat it.” He said, as George would make sure your scrapes were taken care of. All cleaned up, and patched. No need to join Fred now do you?

“If she ever starts her bullshit again, just ring us up.” Bill offered, as Fred keeps playing with your hair. To keep you smiling, and comforting you. “We won’t stand for this. So long as you are in Diagon Alley, you’ll be safe. I’ll make sure of it.” George offered, as you nodded. Diagon Alley. Got it. You made sure to remember that. Hogwarts, Three Broomsticks, Gringotts, Shrieking Shack, and Weasleys Wizard Wheezes. Got it.

“You want Bill to walk you home?” George offered, as you nodded. “No sweat.” Bill smiled. Well….tried to, anyway. Hard when half your face is missing. You could see I, as you would take your little gift basket of treats. A bundle of goods to remind you the world isn’t cruel. That nice people exist, and that not everyone viewed the world like she did. She’s just a bad apple in that pie of life.

You would soon have a leather arm around you, as the twins sent you off. You held your basket close, as Bill would walk you off to the fire places for the students to use to reach diagon alley. You would distract yourself, during the walk, with looking in the basket. While Bill made sure to look around, as the white streets were closed up. Left to the quiet snowfall.

Lupins Lunar Chocolate Bars, some Fizzy Sodas, Glow In The Dark Gum, Candy In A Can, he just made sure you had some fun and enjoyable candy. Feel good candy, and medicated candy for your full moon moments. They cared about Hogwarts students. They cared about you. With all their freckled heart. You had a family holding your hand. Through it all.

“Thank you. Thank you all-“ You gave Bill a tight hug, and he returned the gesture. Showing that werewolf strength, and able to return the tight gesture. With no issues at all. “No one gets left behind. No way in hell.” Bill comforted, as he ruffled your hair again. “Think nothing of it.” He would add, as you took a deep breath. Letting the snowy air calm your soul.

With a smile, you would step into the fire place. With a hand full of that green powder, you were able to smile. You had people to support you, and understand your struggle. You have people that love you, and that’s all that matters. With a wave goodbye from William, you could say it pride. “Hogwarts-!” And you were gone. Returning home, with some treats for your friends. Along with some free bars for your friends who were just like you. No one left behind. Just as a Weasley would say.

[moth-eats-paper]

My complete thoughts on TMA through 93-200

MAG Thoughts on ep 93-200

THERE'S A CAT

John's hand still hurts from the cult of the flame

There's also a missing calliope. I think thats how you spell it

The institute is a death trap.

Both John and Elias are vessels of “The Eye” and can make people spill their guts Gertrude was also one up until Elias killeClayr. So that's fun

GORGEY MIGHT KNOW/BE A PART OF ANOTHR GOD?!?!?!

LAST WORDS OF A CORPSE? WHAT DO YOU MEAN GORGEY?

Gorgeys not ok

Nor is Marten

I quite like the new girl shes funny

Is anyone in mag alive lol

Well idk John why does Elias do anything.

IT'S THE THING GIRL DOLL PLASTIC THING OMG

(I have no idea what i was trying to type here^)

Tim and Marten are not okay especially marten

Spooky doll thing changed her mind apparently

And Michael (the spooky one) use,d to be an assistant of Gertrude funnnn

Ep 100 time baby :3) No one in the institute knows how to interviewnoople except John and I'm pretty sure that's because of “the eye”

The spself-cannibalismThe spiders are weird

Why is this woman so calm about a ghost woman who's on fire burning her (poor marten he's very confused)

Tim is speaking to a maniac

Melanie (I think it's her) is speaking to a man who keeps getting side tracked

THE FUCK YOU MEAN YOU GOT OUT OF THE SPIRAL AND WENT TO DINNER

The poor detective

SPOOKY MAN NAMED PETER JUST APPEARED FROM NO WERE AND I THINK HE'S FROM THE UNKNOWN?!??

SPOOKY DOLL WOMEN!

THE COFFINS BACK

“Sarah wanted to use nails but I talked her out of it because I'm a good friend!” YOUR A MANNEQUIN (I love that line so much lol)

Oh wax love that

Mmm skin

Don't skin John please

ARE YOU GOING TO MOISTURIZED JOHN AND THEN SKIN HIM?

MICHAEL HOLY SHIT HE'S BACK

oh he's going to kill John

Revenge?

Oh

Oh dear he doesn't want to be Michael

MICHAEL BECAME THE DELUSION

Oh he's making a statement

MICHAEL SHELY

Oh god Gertrude

Unrelated but my cat has decided to try and kill me

PETER LUCAS IS ALSO THERE

Oh god Michael Shelley is very dumb

Only just know getting scared? What the fuck

Doors. fun

I can't even spell whatever that is

THE SPIRAL

Of course she didn't care

Just don't trust Gertrud

The Worker of clay?

His laugh is silly

Oh oh dear

Oh dear the doors not working

OH JESUS

HELEN

MICHAEL BECAME HELEN

HELENS GOING TO HELP?

HELENS THE DISTORTION NOW

So I guess the distortion only wants what that person wanted

Why does Elias just agree with the person who's trying to kill him

I think this man has bugs in his skin

He does

John can suddenly read French and then can't

I LOVE MARTIN

Melanie keeps trying to kill people

(People being Elias)

Pig episode (like actual pigs not the police)

Oh the pig no no like you sir

Oh god I guess this pig is a weird thing

THE CIRCUS?

Oh god not more circuses

Oh dear I think the pig has decided to eat clowns now

Oh self cannibalism

Whelp the pig ate someone

Loud sound

The eyes doing it's thing

JOHN DOING THE THING WITH THE EYE

Tim keeps scaring people

Tims not ok

OMG TIM STATEMENT

Tims brother went missing

I don't think it's Tim's brother

Whelp he's gone

Oh clowns know

OH DEAR CLOWNS

I don't think that's your brother Tim

Oh blood

Oh dead clown

Oh no more skin .

Oh famous clown

Tim and Elias drama

Oh we're in China

Oh creepy opening

I wonder. Is this in Chinese? I know that the eye can allow you to read other languages in order to obtain more knowledge. Even if you never spoke that language or were able to read it you just suddenly are able to.

Oh screams

Nevermind I'm pretty sure it's in English cause it seems the person writing it is a British soldier

Does he have the black plague?

OH DEAD BODYS IN THE WATER

Oh-

This is a sad man

“True and total war”

GOD DAMMIT NO CIRCUS

HE CAN READ MANDARIN AND AND CHINESE NOW (cause of the eye)

IT WAS FROM 2004 NOT 2014

Oh the proper one's are in America

Space station time

I wonder if this is the same space station as the one Gertrude read

I think she kept talking about it in one of the statements well more specifically the guy who it is from

We love Melanie (even though she keeps trying to kill Elias but she has a good reason)

FAIRCHILD IS BACK

IT IS THE SAME SPACESHIP BUT JUST A DIFFERENT GUY

Because the one Gertrude read was the isolation guy. This is about the other two people who were on the ship

Oh god the space weird space hands are back I think

Oh blood

Oh he's bleeding

Oh god he's just going to let himself die

Old screaming things

Don't envy the isolation guy he had a really shit time

Whelp now he's in limbo space

OH SOMETHING'S BLOCKING THE STARS

Oh deep thoughts

Melanie is thinking deep

She's skeptical of stuff

Oh dear

IS HE STUCK IN SPACE

Viscera I think is how to pronounce her name?

MARTIN HAS A CRUSH ON JOHN?

Viscera and Melanie are gossiping and I'm here for it

Oh performance review

OH GOD ELIAS

JESUS CHRIST ELIAS STOP LEAVE POOR MELIAINE ALONE

WHAT DID HE DIE OF

WHY DID YOU GIVE HER THE KNOWLEDGE OF HIM DYING

THAT'S TERRIFYING

He can just make her watch her dad's death!

I want texas toast I'm going to go make some

JOHNS IN AMERICA

Whelp he's being followed by a police officer

And Jared's “death”

GERTRUD WAS ARRESTED FOR BREAKING INTO A MORGUE

He just has to read statements to make him feel better

A screaming oven lovely

OH THERE'S A FIRE

OH A TRAINS ON FIRE

What do you mean you'd burn them?

John is better!

OH SHIT IT'S THE POLICE

WHAT IS THAT ACCENT

OH MY GOD ITS THE VAMPIRE HUNTER

YIPPEE MARTIN

I fucking hate Shakespeare

Lovely more masks

Poor Tim

And Melanie

AWW

OH SHIT

SOMETHINGS HAPPENING

PETER LUCAS IS BACK

Lucas seams so silly

Viscera gets really excited about her reading and I love that about her

Mmm more statements

I'm pretty sure John just asked for a statement because he was starting to feel sick lol

MORE VAMPIRES (I think) YIPPEE

His accent is kinda hard to understand

BODYS IN BOX

Spoopy people

Love how she calls the vampire hunter old man

Oh bodys on table

Silent screamers

OH WATER

Staby stab

Oh she killed him

OH SPOOKY THING

HAHAH DOLL THING (why is his voice kinda-)

More Marten :3

This girl sounds like an asshole

THIS PERSONS TRANS TDZSDHUGDZ

That is a long ass name

“Spiders are eating” PFF

Oh don't walk into people's jaws

Mmm Japanese spider movies

YOU HAD TO TRY AND CONVINCE YOURSELF HE ONLY HAD TWO ARMS

Oh spoopy

Oh they found A Way to distract Elias

A leitner?

JARED

Jared is cool

Jared's mom was an ass

Hmmm more things to kill and torture everyone

I keep forgetting meat is in this

Jared is so sad

MURDER

YIPPEE VISCERA

We're back in America and they found a bomb and the taxidermy or what's left of it

John and Tim drama

YIPPEE TIM A JOHN ARE OK

Oh tunnels

Bomb time

The meats back

LITENER

No more arm

And now he's in the water

PFFF

HELEN

Aww

YIPPEE SPOOPY

Meeting timeee

Gurtrud tape time

Wolfgang?

Puppets?

I think this is from a older time in europe because of the writing and how it is worded

DON'T GO

Mmm more robotic things

OH GOD A STAGE

Mmm birbs

BLOOD

WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CURL YOUR LEGS INTO A FIST

Funsies

Oh he's being protective of martennnnn

PLANS

SECRET PLANSSS

JOHN STATEMENT HDHJDGKDVJHK

Awww john

ITS LIGHTENERS

Melines to relatable

MELANIE STATEMENT

MARTIN NFSUSSTUDIY

TIMM

Aww goodbye Jarey

mmm masquerade

MARTIN!!

“sorry Elias I can't hear you there's a DOOR in the way” I love marten

Hehehe bomb

Oh god marten don't die

OH GOD THAT'S NOT WAX WORK

MARTIN NO

ELIAS FUCK YOU

Uh oh

SILLY MUSIC

WHAT'S HAPPENING

Mmm nothing is everything and everything is something

God what is happening

EYE THINGGGG

TIMMM

TIM SET OFF THE BOOM

Oh

What the fuck is this

He's not responseuve

Oh eye always watching

ELIAS STATEMENT?

(I'm listening to this for a second time)

Hehehe sad man

Oh

Oh dear

THE ELBOWS DON'T WORK

The sky?

Oh

OH

Ma ma that's not edible

I don't want the box to sing

NOT THE COFFIN

Oh tunnel

Hmmm blood

TRAIN TIME

Hmmm watching

WHERE'D SHE GO

Oh dig

DOOR

Ants?

Oh

He screams

Who are we watching?

MARTIN

What

ARE TIM AND DAISY DEAD?

Bye Eliasss

PFFFF

OH

Lucassss

YIPPEE PETER

NO TIM AND DAISY ARE DEAD

Season 4 babyyy

Oh

Poor marten

This is so sad

Oh

WHAT

WHAT DO YOU MORE GOODBYE

First actual episode of season 4 :3

Oh?

WHO IS THIS

WHAT

WHERE

YOU SAW JOHN IN A DREAM?

WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU

Oh statement

He sees how people die funnn

“What am I?” I ask that often

Oh

OH

Ship into the middle of nowhereeeee

MEMENTO THING

Snakes?

Oh

Nevermind it's death

Why ya calm

Oh

Did you accidentally kill a bunch of people

Nope

YOU GOT A GUN?

YOU KILLED THE CAPTAIN!????

oh

OH GOD YOU KILLED EVERYONE

This is this Oliver guy

SPIDERS

Oh

That's funnn

Oh boy

Melanie (I think it's her)might have scared him off

Oh

OH

JOHNS AWAKE?

Zombieeee

I keep sending the homophobic vase because I can

oh no it was gorge

AND VISCERA

Magic tape?

JOHN!

HIII JOHN

oh

6 MONTHS

He's very confused and I can see why

Hehehe eye thing

Statement timeeee

YOU CUT SOMEBODY'S HANDS?

I think this dudes on something

Maybe

Idk any more everything is odd

YOUR BEING FOLLOWED MX STATEMENT PERSON

Oh

This person's a little silly

Awww I love John

Even though he keeps making have deep thoughts

THEY CAN'T FIND DAISY'S BODY?

Oh oh god marten are you okay buddy

Oh

Aww

He miss his boyfriend (I'm desperately waiting for them to get together)

W E B yippee

Oh god meline she's very traumatized

Oh

Oh that hurt

OH MY GOD THEY'RE GETTING ATTACKED BY THINGS

(Not at the moment)

I think everyone's losing it

HE JUST CALLED HIMSELF THE ARCHIVIST NOT “Johnathan Sims head archivist” JUST THE FUCKING ARCHIVEST

EVERYONE IS EITHER DEAD, PART OF SOMETHING, FUCKING LOOSING IT OR ALL THREE.

Real honestly

It's always weird MX statement person

Oh

Is the site sentient

OH DEAD

Is this a thing of the eye?

No it was the web

Oh he's a fish kabob

I can't tell if this is the buried, flesh or end

BAGPIPES

IT'S THE PIPER

it's the slaughter

Cause everyone slaughtered each other

Pfff

Eye thing

Mmm

OH GOD

126 is the distortion

Awwww

MARTEN

The recorder is silly

DOESeter

Idk if I liself-esteemt he still will

Of course he's worried about his boyfriend

ITS THE COFFEIN

OH

oh

OH MY GOD HE CAN DO STUFF

He had killed the thing

Lot of truck

DAISYS ALIVE BTW

We have bone Turner

SPACE PART 3

Oh god that sounded ow

YIPPEE

I can't really update during school

PFFF The eye is just my brain absorbeing things cause it's never anything useful

THE TAPE RECORDER IS JUST A SINGLE FOR KNOWLEDGE

GARRY

Garry reference

God damnit John stop being creepy to strangers

The computers are eating people again

SIMON FAIRCHILD

Mmmm cult's

MELINES GOING I GOUGE HER EYES OUT SO SHE CAN LEAVE THE EYE

oh god

Oh

WHAT HAPPENED TO DAISY JUST NOW?!?

I DIDN'T WANT HER TO DIE

Oop angey Martin

Oh dear

Peter Lucas is an asshole

Into the lonely

PFFF

LOVE THAT

John is so smart

THAT'S SOME OF THE GAYEST SHIT EVER

Oh god the eye opens

They gay

SEASON 5 BABY

Oh

PFFF

Aww

Stop being depressed

TF you mean I'm faceless

PFFF

Ah the not Sasha

Oh it pissed of John

“Ceaseless watcher turn your gaze on this wretched thing” HE SAID THE THING

Martens broken

They broke Marten

I think it the lonely

Oh

Oh god he's getting relatable

HE JUST KEEPS HATING THE CHAIRS 😭

“I am marten blackwood and I'm not alone anymore” HAD ME SOBBING

It's the bone man idk what his name is but I hate his voice

Helen just wants to have fun

Who the fuck is doctor David

I didn't realize they could get any gayer

THEY ACTUALLY FELT TIRED AND HUNGRY FOR THE FIRST TIME IN LIKE FUCK IF I KNOW

AND THAT FREAKY PIRATE AND WEB WOMEN ARE THERE

(They also just like feel asleep lol)

Doctor doe Jane is silly

Silly

HIII Helen!!!

“You've always said you were Helen!”

“I am! I also ate her… it's really simple if you don't think about it”

THEY SAID I LOVE YOU

George and Melina are backkkk

And Meline fucking slays

The gays are arguing

DOSE ANNABELLE OWN THE TAPES?!?!

Christ that is scary

“Shocker, I have self esteem issues. Not the point” I am Martin

This is adorable and sad

1 MORE EPISODE

Oh

Oh god John

Oh he's pleading

Oh

OH MY GOD

HOLY SHIT

SHIT

OH

OH DEAR

IS JON OK

Oh

That's scary

Statement

This doesn't sound like a tape

Oh god

He's going to die

I'm going to cry

He's going to kill him

I'm actually going to start crying

Oh god

Simon?

Oh