#edit to change faithful to thankful lmao

[batrachised]

after watching part of that review scandal video, can I just say I am inordinately thankful I am not involved in booktok or book circles online, dear lord

[yandere-yearnings]

Know Me Like the Devil Knows My Sins (Loser!Yandere x GN!Reader)

feat. genie's loser yan

♡ oneshot, approx 1.5k words

♡ post-specific warnings: yandere themes, implied kidnapping, violence, strangulation, implied death

♡ a/n: thank you to @moyazaika for letting me write abt his oc, loser yan!! genie, if you read this, pls ignore the fact that my characterisation sucks ass. this was over 3k but i went back and cut out the waffle bc there was a lot of it lmao, so ig it's technically edited, but not proofread.

♡♡♡

This basement was cold. 

Heated blankets and warm meals, however many times a day they were brought to you, didn’t change much. No windows or light for even a semblance of passing time, all you had was the annoying draft that skimmed through the door at the top of the staircase — the one you weren’t allowed near. You wouldn’t have been able to escape even if you wanted to, not with the chain around your ankle. For as free as he tried to make you feel, the heavy metal was a constant reminder that there was no liberty in his love, if it could even be called that.

You were waiting for his return, less because you wanted to and more because it was the only thing you could do other than read the books he’d given you. They were all your favourites, from the stories your mother used to read you as a child to the ones you’d pick up on your way home when you’d grown up. At first, you’d found the thoughtfulness of it endearing, feeling seen and understood and catered to. Somewhere, kept within his walls, you didn’t blame yourself for becoming as delusional as he was.

How could you enjoy anything anymore, with no one to share it with?

Each new day that passed, every page you would read and read again, only accomplished you in realising the loneliness that coiled around you. Second by second, growing larger than your life had been before this. Soon, your loved ones would stop looking for you. Soon, you’d be considered dead — and in death you would be all his. You knew that was what he wanted.

You had made yourself comfortable on the vulnerabilities he presented to you, in the way he shook when your fingers stroked his skin, his shudders at your calling his name. That was all too good to be true. If you had actual control in this, he’d have surrendered to you long ago. You’d been testing it. Playing mind games, pushing limits — he’d shut you down quick, then cover the shrewdness in his eyes with a bashful smile. You were no fool, and clearly he wasn’t either.

Your bitterness surmounted with the echoing of locks clicking open. There wasn’t a need for as many as he had placed to keep you here, you weren’t sure you could even run anymore. You hadn’t used your legs in so long. He’d surely catch you. He’d rip your throat out like he did in your nightmares. You had no faith you wouldn’t become another layer of red on the white paint surrounding. Perhaps you should’ve been thankful, if fear were to be a knife, he’d certainly dulled it for you — slinking in, shoulders slumped and looking as meek as ever. Really, from the first glance, he didn’t look like he could hurt a fly.

“Darling…” there was that tone, demure, like you could do anything to hurt him from your place on this filthy mattress, your place on the floor as he stood above you. Towering. This entire thing felt like a sick joke. You’d once considered there being a chance for you. Hope crumbled just like he did, to his knees to look into your eyes. “I missed you so much today, my love.”

You blinked at him. You knew where this was going.

“I mean- I miss you every day, don’t get me wrong!” Sheepish laughter, twitching fingers — all signs of his wanting your validation. “I just… I couldn’t stop thinking about you, not at all. Work has been so hard, and you’re the only thing I can look forward to truly and- and I really, really wanted to come back home quickly and ask if you’d...”

His sentence trailed off, and it took all you had to suppress the urge to roll your eyes. He wasn’t very creative, that much was obvious. You’d initially chalked it up to some cute sort of performance anxiety that he experienced because he wanted to come off as appealing to you. Now, it had begun to dawn on you that he was simply struggling to keep up the pathetics. As you curled your digits into his hair, as you tugged him closer and let him muffle his weak moan into your neck, you wondered why either of you were bothering anymore. No audience except for the earwigs that crawled about, no one who’d watch this stupid, repetitive show.

“I’ll hold you,” you whispered, tired enough that even your dishonesty could be mistaken as gentle. “I’ll hold your heart. Don’t worry. I know.”

You could feel his lips on your skin, chapped, scraping where he tried to formulate words. You were sure he too felt this warring between the both of you, this constant fight, teasing superiority, challenging who would take the reigns in this sombre dance. Bored out of your mind, anticipating when he’d get tired of you — but you were his infatuation so that could never happen.

“Not enough about me,” he breathed, “my sweetheart, my entire world, you wouldn’t know what I’ve done for you.” His hands dug into your waist where they rested, gripping flesh over fabric like it would give him warmth. It wouldn’t, because it was freezing in here.

“Won’t you tell me?”

Quiet laughter. “You’d be scared if I did.”

“I already am.” Your words made him pull away, made him peer at you with those eyes. You held his gaze. “I already am afraid of you. I already know who you are. Tell me anyway, since-”

“Since you love me.” He interrupted you, finished your sentence with words you had not been planning to utter. He didn’t say it tentatively enough; gave himself away with that and the severe expression on his face that his hair did not hide. It was a shame that now wasn’t one of your better days, lest you’d have heeded the silent warning.

“Since I can’t leave,” you corrected. No energy for even a single ounce of regret, none to even whimper at the violent pressure of his grip on your collarbones.

Sometimes, he’d come to you with blood caked under his fingernails. Sitting there like he was sinless, mouth running for hours about you in every way he could. All your likes and dislikes, all your habits, all your life — as if you didn’t know yourself. Again, those lips were moving, spitting at you like it could quell the anger you could see bubbling beneath the surface.

Your perfect person, he spilled descriptions like the ideals you once had were his intimate study, asking you why. Why wasn’t he enough even though he’s everything you’d ever wanted? When he’d made sure of it? Your chance to answer was taken by lithe fingers on your neck, but if you could, you’d have told him that at its core, it was just that every desire you had, looked like something disgusting on him.

“Sweetheart, this isn’t like you, c’mon,” his words came ringing, buzzing, an entire choir of metal scraping metal underwater, your world spinning and head pressed back into the mattress too fast to stop him from climbing on top of you, “don’t deny your feelings for me.”

Your eyes rolled back and his hold on you only loosened a fraction. Staring at the dark inside your own skull, gasping breaths through bruised tissue. You thought you heard knocking, and surely it’d be death at your door if you didn’t backtrack now, didn’t tell him what he wanted to hear, like you had been until you’d lost yourself in your own lies.

Survival instinct should’ve kicked in, but then sight and sound returned to you, and you accepted that you wouldn’t be the hero in your story. You’d get yourself killed, yet, how could you love a man that loomed over you with eyes on fire? He’d burn you up to make it through the winter, and find another once your ashes were blown away.

Even if it made you a villain, drowning in the blood pooling from your ears, you owed yourself your last rasp to him. “I hate you,” broken and choked on tears cutting through the numbness. Your nails clawing everywhere you could reach, on this bed of springs that felt nothing like the one you so desperately wanted to return to, you mourned all you were losing. 

Limbs going numb — salt — you’d never see home again.

When under constant observation, there’s only so much one can conceal about themselves. He knew that well. From the pictures of you in his gallery and the endless notes with your name repeated over and over and over — he’d chosen to obsess, and you were forced to, and you became his mirror the longer he kept you. Going mad, crazy, insane because his was the only face you could remember anymore.

You knew his moods from his scent and his needs from his touch, you knew him to the heart of the blank slate he’d always been, you knew him rooted carnally to you because it was the only thing grounding him. He hadn’t needed to tell you anything really, and you didn’t need to push. You knew him like the devil knew his sins.

And he’d take you to hell for it.

[amethystina]

I am intrigued by all the wips honestly. Anything you give us will be amazing, I have no doubt.

I will ask about Thou Shalt Not Covet tho because it is completed.

And I LOVE the How To Build a Family for Dummies title lmao. If you feel that it fits the story, you don't have to change it imo 😆

Also, I have to ask about your health. I hope you're doing well these days and that you're getting better. If not, don't push yourself too hard. Take care of yourself either way 💜

No pressure x'D

Jokes aside: thank you 💜 I'm very flattered that a lot of you have such faith in me and my writing.

Thou Shalt Not Covet was something I wrote in a feverish haze about a week ago because I was high-key panicking over not having been able to draw or write in what felt like forever and my brain just latched on to that story. Which wasn't at all what I had planned but, apparently, what I needed at the time, so I try not to hold it against myself.

It's basically a fic about Ga On being a raging ball of jealousy for 10k straight.

... or gay, I guess?

So the title is a bit misleading since there is actually A LOT of coveting going on. Coveting of Yo Han, to be more specific.

Ga On you little sinner you.

And it's 10k before editing, I should say. Because since I wrote it with a fever, I'll probably have to add a bit as I edit. Understandably, I tend to miss a lot of details when I'm too feverish. The fic is set just before Kim Choong Sik's first trial, so around episode 10. Which means I'm going to have to add a couple of warnings because Yo Han does not play fair. Whenever I write Yo Han as he was during the drama I'm reminded of how far he's come in Who Holds the Devil because dear LORD is he a manipulative asshole in this one x'D

So yeah. Jealous!Ga On and a Yo Han who doesn't pull his punches. A recipe for disaster, in other words. But they work it out eventually.

Here's a snippet from the beginning of the story (though unedited so there might be changes before it's posted)

---

Ga On had never understood how utterly devastating jealousy could be until he felt it — truly felt it — for the first time.

If asked, he would have said he wasn't a jealous person. He may have felt a burst of it once or twice as he and Soo Hyun had grown up — whenever another boy had shown an interest in her — but it had faded just as quickly as it had flared up. Perhaps because, deep down, Ga On had known that Soo Hyun only had eyes for him.

There was no need for him to feel jealous since the odds of him losing Soo Hyun to another were slim.

And, in hindsight, that must have lulled Ga On into a false sense of security, giving him the impression that he wasn't the jealous type. That he was calm and rational enough not to get upset, and knew how to handle the surge of emotions that might occur. Not realizing that what he'd felt at the time wasn't jealousy — or at least not the true depth of what he was actually capable of feeling.

Ga On had underestimated his own possessiveness.

And it wasn't until he met Kang Yo Han that Ga On knew true jealousy.

His first clue that he'd misjudged himself should have been his inexplicable desire to remain within Yo Han's orbit despite having numerous reasons to stay away. All Ga On wanted was to keep pushing closer, to keep proving himself, to keep asking for that intoxicating attention that crackled like electricity down his spine. He may not want to name what he was experiencing — instinctively shying away from a revelation he knew would change his life beyond what he was ready to deal with, finding comfort in denial — but he still craved the rush it gave him. He couldn't help wanting more.

His second clue should have been his own reaction as he'd watched Jung Sun Ah fuss with Yo Han's tie during their photo shoot.

The anger Ga On had felt in that moment — curling black and vicious inside his chest — had been an overreaction of the kind that should have given him pause. But, somehow, it hadn't. Somehow, Ga On hadn't even registered it as something out of the ordinary. Some part of him had even felt justified in his anger.

As if he had a right to feel that possessive over his chief.

But the rational part of Ga On knew that he didn't. He may be sleeping in Yo Han's house and helping him with his mission to upend the world as they knew it, but they were still nothing more than coworkers.

Yo Han had never promised him anything.

---

Expect jealousy, anger, and a bit of angst. Because Ga On has abandonment issues and it actually hits pretty hard when he starts suspecting that he's not so special to Yo Han after all...

As for How to Build a Family For Dummies, the title doesn't fit the vibe AT ALL which is why I'm calling it a working title for now. It just sounds way too cute and cheerful for the actual theme and content of the story x'D But more about that in another reply since I got a specific ask about it!

Aaaaand when it comes to my health, things are really bad, unfortunately. The kind of bad I haven't had since January, with daily exhaustion fevers and lack of focus. And it's probably not going to get better anytime soon since the main cause is related to something outside of my control that will most likely take months to fix. So it's really just a matter of me trying to hold on as long as I can and, if I'm lucky, I won't break completely before I reach the other side. I guess we'll see?

Anyhow! Thank you so much for the concern and the lovely ask. You take care of yourself too 💜

WIP Tag Game

[genderstarbucks]

Coming Out Post Ig?

I don't really know where to start with this so I'm just gonna get into it

Cw for a bit of a long rant, no triggering topics but just read with some slight caution

I think I'm bigay? I've been questioning my sexuality for about 4 years and I could never find a label that stuck. I started with bisexual, then pansexual, then throughout the years my sexuality has changed but it's been mostly been between bi and gay. I've used homoflexible a few times, and it felt right, but something felt off. I felt it didn't completely cover what my attraction felt like. It's been hard for me to differentiate between romantic and sexual attraction, so I've just been using non-sam labels, and just saying I'm bisexual with a lean. Recently I've used abrosexual and that felt right too, but not completely. I've tried abrogay and abroachillean because I am mostly gay but it just didn't feel completely right, I didn't feel complete. I used to be an exclusionist (ew) and against mspec lesbians/gays/straights but luckily I've had friends and this wonderful community to educate me. I think the only reason I was an exclus was because I had internalized bigayphobia, as soon as someone taught me what it was, it really wasn't that hard to understand. Some people are on the sam and some people are fluid between 2 labels. I also think it was because I was with a toxic friend group (who I've since dropped ((thank god)) who was VERY against mspec lesbians/gays/straights. I mean, I also used to be anti-mogai because my ex gf was pounding it into my head how "bad" it was (she was literally cis too lmao) I'm glad I've met and am in such a wonderful community that is accepting of all good-faith identities. Anyway, earlier today I started researching bigay more and kept re-reading the description as to why someone might use the term bigay and then I realized. That's me. I am bigay. The term that actually resonates with me is the thing I've been avoiding the most. I was literally TERRIFIED about adding bigay to my prns page (ik I don't have to but I just want to) even though I know the only people who are gonna see it are my friends (who are accepting of it) and anybody who clicks on the link in my pinned post (which is most likely gonna be an inclus) I've been thinking about if I'm bigay (or just mspec gay) for a while now, but I refused to even accept myself of the possibility of being an mspec gay. I genuinely don't understand exclusionists, I used to be one and all I did was do a little research as to why someone might identify that way, and I changed my views. If you can accept things like nonbinary boy or agender girl, then you can accept mspec lesbians/gays/straights too. I'm glad I've cut off those exclus friends, now I can finally be myself. I think my sexual journey is over, I think this is the label I've been looking for, for so long. Ykw I'm proud to say I'm bigay, I'm proud to use contradictory labels. I'm a nonbinary boy AND a biromantic gay, and I'm god damn proud of it. If you're questioning whether you're mspec and a lesbian/gay/straight then it's okay. Those labels aren't "bad" or "invalid", if it describes you, then use it. You can use "contradictory" labels if you'd like, don't give a fuck what anyone thinks. All that matters is that you accept yourself, all that matters is using the labels you want that make you feel comfortable.

My identity has come a long way over the years, but I think I'm finally happy to say I'm comfortable where I am. I'm an agender boy, enboy and a demienboy, also bigay, and exclusionists can fuck off!

I didn't mean to make this that long but oh well 💀

TLDR; Sexuality confusing, omg I'm a bigay. Fuck exclusionists.

Edit: I think I'm just like every label besides wlw/lesbian, I'm gay, bi, pan, EVERYTHING

Edit 2: Okay nvm guys 💀 Charlie, one of my alters is a transbian and I'm transgay so collectively we're a lesboy, turigirl, gaybian and literally every other orientation

Edit 3: Okay I figured it out, I'm omnibi gay (as in general bi gay) and an omnibi gay man

Edit 4: I'm just every sexuality besides wlw/lesbian labels and I'm also multivelfluid

Edit 5: nvm I lied I'm just bigay

Edit 6: I'm such a fucking liar I'm actual bigay, abrogay and pomogay

[lilareviewsbooks]

More Short SFF Books!

Guys! Thank you so much for the love on my post on short SFF books! It was a lot for a tiny little blog like me lmao, and it made me feel very appreciated - thank you, again! 

I thought that because of all that love, this deserved a second edition. So, since short SFF is definitely my specialty, and I won't stop reading these novellas any time soon, here's some other SFF short books I think might be worth your time!

Also, check out part one of this list if you’d like some more books in this vein :)

The Monk and Robot Duology, starting with A Psalm For The Wild-Built, by Becky Chambers

152 to 160 pages

duology (so far!! I'm hoping and praying, Ms. Chambers!)

queer rep of all kinds, but our protagonist is non-binary! 

If you know me, then it's a surprise this didn't make it into the first edition of this list. I love Monk and Robot! They're My Favorite Books, so rest assured that they come very highly recommended!

This one follows Sibling Dex, a disciple of Allae, the god of small comforts, as they decide to change the course of their professional life and become a travelling tea monk. Along the way, they meet Mosscap, a very friendly robot, with one question - "what do humans need?" There's just one problem: robots have been living in the wild for generations, and they haven't interacted with humans since they gained consciousness. Can Sibling Dex handle this responsibility?

I hardly have the words to describe this one. This is a sci-fi, I guess, but it feels like a fantasy -- it's just so atmospheric and draws you into this utopian and equitable world full of nature and community. Monk and Robot really emphasizes the best parts of life, the best parts of humanity. It will warm your heart because you will see your life in it - in all it's smallness and its gorgeousness. It's perfect if you want something that's short, sweet, and with a conflict that doesn't span the whole entire world, but is focused instead on two people - or, I guess, on one person and a robot. 

Mandatory reading for everyone! Get your hands on a copy, you won't regret it!

Our Lady of Endless Worlds Duology, starting with Sisters of the Vast Black, by Lina Rather

176 to 192 pages

duology

sapphic rep

We're staying on theme here, with another religious-y pick. I give you: Sisters of the Vast Black! This one is about nuns! In space!

Some time into the future, the Catholic Church is alive and well. The sisters of the Order of Saint Rita live on their (get this) living ship, a gigantic animal they use to navigate between space stations and planets. I think this one is worth it just for that concept, I fell in love with it!

This book follows the Sisters as they receive a distress call from a colony, and find out that the Church's means might be more nefarious than they seem. But, mostly, it's about the sisters themselves, as they grapple with their faith, the ever-changing universe and the questionable morality of the Church. 

I loved this one! Not only are the characters very compelling, the setting is just so cool. This concept of the living space ship is so fucking neat, and the duology gets down to the nitty-gritty of it. Not to mention, the idea of religion, and contemporary religion in particular, surviving mostly unchanged into the future is so interesting! I don't know if it's me being nerdy, but I just found the concept here so, so compelling, I couldn't resist bringing these books home with me!

The Seventh Perfection, by Daniel Polansky

176 pages

standalone

I don't remember it being queer, but I could be wrong??

I guess this is also kind of religious in a way lmao. The Seventh Perfection follows Manet as she searches for someone for the God-King, who runs the kingdom she lives in, using her perfect dominion over the seven perfections to help her.

The unique thing about this book, though, is how the story is told. Instead of following Manet's perspective as she goes through her city, interviewing people, we only see one side of her dialogue. As Manet speaks to a shopkeeper, for example, we are only treated to his answers. In this manner, its up to the reader to put some pieces together.

Although it is nothing too complicated, - especially for veterans of books such as The Locked Tomb or fantasy behemoths like A Song of Ice and Fire, with their crazy amount of characters - the structure is pretty unique. Like Esme N pointed out in her Good Reads review of this one, it kind of reads as if you're a POV character in a videogame, going NPC to NPC. I'd say this one is for the anyone who likes different approaches to stories in SFF, and enjoys being a little bit confused!

Elder Race, by Adrian Tchaikovsky 

201 pages

standalone

no queer rep that I remember, either

Elder Race is an interesting one, as well. This one is definitely for fans of books with almost anthropological approaches to culture, such as The Left Hand of Darkness and A Memory Called Empire. Elder Nyr is a scientist, sent to another planet in order to explore it, who lives in his space ship. Except that, for the locals, that space ship is a giant tower, and Nyr is its mysterious sorceror of legend. Now, Lynesse comes to search for him so that he can help her deal with the threat of demon.

The result of the interaction between Lynesse and Nyr, and the fact that each of them have POV chapters, means that this reads as almost two separate books. One of them is a sci-fi, and that's Nyr's perspective, who is from a society with very high-end technology, and sees all problems as matters of science. Meanwhile, Lynesse sees everything as magical, so hers reads almost like a fantasy. It makes for such an interesting experience!

I think about this book constantly, and have been wanting to reread it for ages. I quite liked this particular approach, not to mention the concept! Plus, I love books that go deep into culture like this one. And, of course, it's from prolific and famous author Adrian Tchaikovsky, who wrote the Children of Time series, and although I haven't read the rest of his work, I've heard this is a good starting off point in case you want to get into his other books.

Princess Floralinda And The Forty-Flight Tower, by Tasmyn Muir

146 pages

standalone

non-binary rep

I'm always singing Ms. Muir praise, and that's for a reason! This one follows Princess Floralinda, who is locked up in a (guess!) forty-flight tower by an evil witch. She has placed one monster at every floor, and no prince has managed to get through the first one, let alone trudge up the stairs to rescue Floralinda.

With impeccable sense of humor, which is a trademark of Ms. Muir's fiction, we follow Floralinda's plight as she waits for someone to come rescue her - and then eventually notices no-one might be coming, after all. Her character development is astounding, and it's so satisfying to follow her. It's also just so impressive that so much can be packed into so little pages when it comes to her arc. 

And I forgot to mention - there's a fun fairy character who will help Floralinda on her way! I think it's worth reading just for that!

[girlinthetardis04]

LIVE(ISH) CYCLOPS SAGA REACTION!!

Gonna be honest, I only ever listened to this once (because it hurt my feelings 🥲), so this will be sort of a first reaction for the OG version too? Anyway, I'm doing the Ocean Saga tonight, gotta keep them family together.

Polyphemus (OG)

Sheep!

Polites, honey, no.

Oh joy.

I recently discovered that Polyphemus is also voiced by Jorge through a voice filter, so obligatory reference to the parallels between Odysseus and Polyphemus, yadda yadda yadda, he's the monster rawr rawr rawr.

And now, the worst pun in Greek mythology (me tis = nobody, metis = cunning)

Well, that's cheerful note to end on! 😃

Polyphemus (NEW)

More sheep sounds!

Jorge's vocals have really gotten better with time.

The cyclop's voice also sounds a bit different, maybe he changed the filter?

Survive (OG)

Yay 🥲 I'm so looking forward to this one 😢

Ooh, Odysseus saying "that is who we're fighting" and the vocals immediately chanting "POLYPHEMUS"? Dayum

The worst part is the beginning actually gets you pumped.

"When we kill him our journey's over" 😬

"No dying on me now" 😬😬😬

I feel like somebody has already made an AoT edit with this.

LALALALALA IF I CAN'T HEAR YOU IT DIDNT HAPPEN LALALALALA

I've seen most people count fourteen kills here because of the 14 club strikes, and like, not saying you're wrong, but you're putting a lot of faith in his depth perception.

Survive (NEW)

Ah, those RICH vocals, Mr. Hannes the man that you are.

He wasn't roaring in the original, was he?

NANANANA STILL CAN'T HEAR YOU DENIAL MAKES EVERYTHING REAL NANANANA

Ugh, those wet squishy sounds bleh.

Remember Them (OG)

Dayum what is that intro? Almost sounds like, idk, the Prowler theme. Dayum indeed.

"Man stfu" - the other cyclopes, 4BC

NOT THE "FULL SPEED AHEAD" REPRISE AAAAAHH

The Athena theme rushing through the notes??????

Imagine I'm sarcastically slow clapping here. Great going Odysseus, yeah, doxx yourself to the giant monster. Give your government name, social security number and ip adress to the guy who will be looking for revenge in 14.2 seconds.

Remember Them (NEW)

Odysseus's voice sounds much darker here.

Wait, do I detect a few notes of "Full Speed Ahead" in the background?

(wait omg it just started raining where I am it's so perfect lmao)

My Goodbye (OG)

Athena, I agree with you, but also, READ THE ROOM!

(WAIT SHIT I JUST HEARD THE LOUDEST CRACK OF THUNDER I'M SORRY SHOULD I HAVE BEEN LISTENING TO "THUNDER BRINGER"???? I'M RUNNING BACK INSIDE BRB)

Odysseus, READ ROOM, don't argue with a goddess!

Athena almost sounds sad?

AND SHE SUNG THE HIGH NOTE HE CAN'T REACH FROM WARRIOR OF THE MIND

(and everything just blacked out. Thanks Zeus)

My Goodbye (NEW)

Athena sounds more strained in this version, like she's forcing herself not to angry cry. And "what a WASTE of effort spent" is a lot more spiteful as well.

Oooh, the new background melodies. Muy nice.

(and now I'm gonna go listen to "Thunder Bringer", maybe that'll make the storm subside buh bye)

[foolishlywandwaving]

Oooo good luck on your exams!!!

What are your favorite study/learning methods? I love a good flashcards situation, plus just writing down everything I know.

THANK YOU - think they went well! I'm excited to catch up on fic updates and reply to stuff generally :)

good q on study methods - I've found a pattern that works for me over the years, and how I study/learn now is v different to how I studied for exams when I was a teenager/undergraduate.

thoughts on cramming can cramming work? yes and no. I crammed throughout my undergrad, all-nighters, covering a module's worth of lectures in 24 hours. did I do well? actually yes. I had decent short-term memory back in the day, so my method then was to take out my old notes/audio transcripts from my dictaphone (long before recorded lectures were A Thing), and write everything down verbatim. everything. in tiny, cramped handwriting. the success of cramming depends on the subject and what is expected of you. anything more engineering/maths-based is difficult. more essay/factual recall-based? I could absolutely get way with cramming HOWEVER cramming is simply awful for your physical and mental well-being. I swore to myself I would never live like that again lmao, off red bull and monster, terrible takeaway meals, two hours of sleep a night, high-level anxiety bowel movements (tmi). just. hell no. I was a wreck after my finals

being an Adult and work-life balance it turns out you DON'T have to live like the above. who knew??? I still have to do professional exams in my thirties, when I have so many other commitments than before. sometimes I wonder where I would be professionally if I hadn't pissed away my twenties ... anyway. I had fun. nowadays I think you're better off turning up to class and working through your problem sheets, practicing past papers, going through extra worksheets, teaching your friends. is that more effort? of course it is, and I obviously didn't do this when I was eighteen. I sort of have a list now of what's important to keep myself sane during mandatory exam prep:

nothing I learn during revision is new. it is revision. throughout the year/term/module, I keep up in class, ask questions throughout if I don't know, form study groups (with a highly selective group of friends, no deadweights), find and collate all the past paper questions, practice my examinations/clinical reasoning, and most importantly, spend the most time possible on the job with people I admire professionally.

batch cook. batch cook. batch cook. no takeaways, no shit meals. have a set time for food breaks in the day

eat healthily throughout. drink lots of herbal tea because I hate water. a big salad a day. lots of study snacks and treats to keep going

exercise!! don't neglect that. have socialisation with friends during a group sport activity. following that ...

don't neglect friendships; they just might have to change during a busy period. I won't drink but I'll go to the pub for a couple hours after studying. I won't miss a big birthday, I just may join for the dinner and not the party after. I will never miss a wedding

set goals and stick to them. I have so many tips and tricks now on how to keep myself motivated and have a high-output I may write down.

if you have a writing (rather than exam) deadline, don't be afraid of writing absolute garbage and then EDIT. don't be scared of the blank page. just shit it out

rely on your partner/friends/family. and do the same back for them when they are busy. get a hype man, be the hype man

and good luck with all your exams! I have faith in you anons. now eat your vegetables

[msommers]

🧙 🎱 🌞 for riya and meredith

thank you!! xoxo // tarot card meme

🧙 I - The Magician : Making a deliberate decision, taking action, experiencing a sensation of power, deep thought.

RIYA — the first time she was able to summon her knight-enchanter blade gave riya an unmatched rush of power, fueled by the magic yes but also a great deal of pride. she always struggled with learning through study, even after she found a topic she was truly interested in with honing her magic to create a blade of pure magic for combat, and that moment of finally managing to pull off what she'd been working towards for weeks,,,,,too wonderful for words.

MEREDITH — well, every example there is very mere coded. while she’s adept at multitasking and juggles various responsibilities because she must, she’s still the type who hones in on one particular big picture goal that she invests great time and effort into completing. she isn’t afraid of making decisions whether they be little or small, but as someone in her position of power (lady, warden-commander, queen, inquisitor, etc etc) she prefers to take time to think things through before enacting those changes (usually to get ahead on damage control because some of her bigger changes can anger a lot of folk lmao).

🌞 XIX - The Sun : Enlightenment, finding the truth, a moment of glory or vitality, trusting your abilities.

RIYA — could yap on about the blind faith she has in her own abilities (however blind and egotistical she may be in that department), but “a moment of glory” just screams her victory at the grand tourney. there can be a lot of talk about the fact that the final challenge was against her own late lover, but that doesn’t change the fact she was stacking up wins all the way up until that point. riya was on top of the world for a good few hours there, riding the high and positively glowing with her joy.

MEREDITH — kind of dark given that this is a sun prompt, but all that points towards meredith piecing together every horrid deed committed or allowed by loghain and arl howe during the fifth blight. she had to discover certain truths and deduce some others, and though the truths were dreadful they did lead to a burst of vitality for her. to her it all told her a simple yet great fact: she was doing the right thing. it gave her a boost in energy to continue her, frankly, relentless work to tear down those men from the places of power they’d put themselves on. it took a lot of trust in her own abilities to reach the places she did, thankfully they were enough.

🎱 XX - Judgement : Moment of reckoning, taking a stand, making a choice, rebirth, absolution, cleansing.

RIYA — she’s quite literally receiving absolution by being recruited into the grey wardens, being yoinked right out of whatever judgement was barrelling her way for the crimes she had been accused of. not entirely a rebirth with her joining the ranks, though entirely possible for her to get there in time.

MEREDITH — did you mean: killing arl rendon howe, the tarot card edition. it was without a doubt an act of vengeance at its heart, that much is clear to the few who witnessed meredith demand retribution before launching herself daggers-first into a brutal, bloody fight with the man. though those same few can also attest to the cleansing affect his demise had on her, clear even in his final moments as she watched him fade. the fury building in her for months over the injustice done to her family and people began to dim, and the ever-present weight of knowing he was alive still harming others began to ease from her shoulders. there was still another who needed her judgement, but his was not as important, not as personal to her journey of growing into queen. if you want to be Extra about it, you could say she was reborn as a ruler right there. a queen ready to get her hands dirty and ensure evils were repaid no matter who committed them. or you could just call it a murder if you’re a lame apologist or w/e

[enigmatic-mystery-777]

20 questions for writers!

Thanks @ellie--eille

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

thirty four (34)

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

Wh...like...all of the word counts of my THIRTY FOUR works combined?? You want me to do MATH??? *sighs* okay hold on

260,727

I'm gonna be so upset if I misunderstood what this was asking for lmao

Edit: Ellie showed me the easy way of finding the total word count and, like, nobody fudgin told me before that Ao3 has a statistics section! Y'all. 🙄

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now soley SG1. I dabbled once in SPN

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

*All of these are from my Supernatural fandom days and no, I don't remember what any of these were about lmao I don't even remember writing them

In first place, at 128 kudos (wtf): The Second Chance

Second at 114 kudos: When Fate Strikes

Third, 63 kudos: That one Leap Of Faith

Fourth, 55 kudos: I Only Ever Wanted You

And lastly, 53 kudos: The Beauty Of Snow Globes

5. Do you respond to comments?

A l w a y s; though I don't always know what to say

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

All of my fics have happy endings. Sorry, I'm a fluff person, I hate angsty endings with a passion lmao That's not to judge those who do like those types of stories by the way, OR those that write them! I just have a hard enough time with my depression as is, I need happy content to balance it out

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

...all of them? Lmao The problem here is I really don't remember, like, any of them, even the ones I've recently written so... heh. Sorry.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven't so far. That I recall, anyway.

9. Do you write smut?

*Giggles and clears throat* well, see, I didn't before but something's changed because of Daniel, he's an entirely new experience for me in my history of hyperfixations, and now I can't seem to stop writing smut. I don't know why he's different, but he is. I hate that it's really fun lol

10. Do you wrote crossovers? What's the craziest one you've ever written?

My brain has a hard enough time handling one universe at a time, I think I'd just get confused trying to cross any over, but I do appreciate and respect all those that do write crossovers; y'all are incredible.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Given how AO3, unlike Inkitt, does not protect against the copy/paste option, I'm sure someone somewhere stole something of mine. I'm not too upset about it, everything on AO3 is just for fun anyway. All my serious stuff is locked down proper.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I think I have one time, by someone who wanted it available in their language. I forget which fic it was, though I do know it was back in my SPN days.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

I have not, but I have leaned upon @ellie--eille for the first smut piece I ever wrote for SG1, which was a big step for me and I'm so grateful that it turned out so incredible. I still appreciate her help so much <3

14. What's your all time favourite ship?

Daniel Jackson x reader, ngl; I'm having SO much fun with it

but also Daniel Jackson x Cam (I don't know why, though, cos we don't get as much content with them as we did with Daniel Jackson x Jack O'Neill; guess the heart wants what it wants)

Look, I can't pick just ONE, okay?? Lmao

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My original novel "Out Of Time". Book one is complete and I'm very slowly editing it, but book two is stuck on their honeymoon and I cant, for the life of me, seem to get past it :(

16. What are your writing strengths?

Fluff, 100%. Anything cutesy and emotional and happy and sweet. Stuff that makes someone swoon and feel like they're melting, stuff that makes them smile and hopefully giggle.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Literally everything else lmao That, and, I never studied grammar, cos honestly it's the most confusing shit in the world for me, so my grammar is likely atrocious. But, like, if you can read it, and you can understand it, and you can enjoy it, does it really matter??

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

That is extremely tricky and I usually avoid it. Because unless you know all the slang and grammar rules and stuff, you might accidentally be saying something you never meant to say and/or you might insult someone who's native to that language :/

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Supernatural

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Ooh. Uhm. Honestly, it's a tie now between When Fate Strikes (SPN; I remember that being a big deal when I was writing it) and The Things We Don't Know (Stargate SG1) that I'm working on now.

This was a lot of fun!! I don't really remember who's a writer on here and who's not so if you see this and you write, please partake! Questions to copy are below the cut:

20 questions for writers!

Thanks @

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

3. What fandoms do you write for?

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5. Do you respond to comments?

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

9. Do you write smut?

10. Do you wrote crossovers? What's the craziest one you've ever written?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

14. What's your all time favourite ship?

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

16. What are your writing strengths?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

[desertdragon]

I wanna make ShB posts but like...I’m legit not having a good time with this expac, there’s so many writing and ooc issues out the gate (especially with excessive info dumping, I’m being Told not Shown how the world works every step of the way and it’s genuinely extremely irritating; that first major sin eater transformation with the obvious throwaway girl was angering for all the wrong reasons it wanted me to be bc it was so sloppily executed) that I’ve already rewritten in my head trying to make sense of them (esp Alisae’s recruitment quest which I did first bc she’s my fav of the twins and I can write a short essay on every problem with that mini storyline and the lackluster way it introduced threat) and in general this entire thing feels like last minute “We have to explain and expand on the Ascians more as actually being relevant beyond silly caricatures” all of a sudden instead of commiting deeper to that over the last two expansions we just had, like legit what the hell am I even doing on The First is what it feels like when there’s so much to still be done on The Source

I spent $43 I could’ve used to help my mom on this and over 2 hrs on its opening story and nothing feels exciting, ppl I’ve played with tell me dw it gets interesting later but that’s a problem, stories shouldn’t be interesting “later” they should be engaging from the start, now I just feel guilty I even paid for it and if it keeps going like this to the end of the expac no amount of fun tiny moments (and there def are some) in between all the slush is gonna make me feel any better going forward post endgame

[nyctoheart]

.

I have written and deleted this like 3 times now...

I really hate that more and more signs point to tumblr regaining its initial purist community. I think more of them remained on tumblr than people think, but tumblr still chilled out lately while twitter is... well it's called The Twitter Mob for a reason.

idk like.... I'm just not dealing with online purists anymore. I've just about done the OPPOSITE of what they wanted, and I've learned to put my faith and time into non-judgmental people who don't give a fuuuuck, over people who point fingers and yell at each other.

And I think a lot of my thought process stems from the fact that I left the Salvation fucking Army. Where I had to hear "this person is doing something wrong" when they weren't, or "this person should be ashamed" when they shouldn't. And how the conservative church and the terminally-online purist culture have the same exact reasoning, they just don't want to admit it. How they both blow things WAYYY out of proportions with delusional reasoning and echo chambers. Just the ironic similarities between these two groups that claim to be so opposite... it's a sick joke by the universe to me.

edit: in fact if ANYTHING. the salvation army was KINDER to people. that's the REAL fucking irony lmao. At least some old lady in a uniform would sit down and talk to you in private, and not publicly yell at you for clout

I just want to be somewhere where its okay to not be perfect. it's okay to have flaws. to make jokes about your darkness, but still be kind and compassionate to the person next to you who has their own darkness. I have a small circle of friends like that and I am just so fucking thankful for them, because they ARE some of the nicest people I've ever met.

I think overall I'm just really anxious about tumblr becoming the next Twitter Mob, because yes tumblr was awful a few years back, but the monster just like grew and amplified on twitter. and I my mentally can't afford to have that return to tumblr.

And how I can't private this blog because it's a primary one... like that feature really sucks. I've wanted to private this blog ever since I changed my url, and I think it would help a lot with this anxiety that's growing on me.

[luciferloveschloe]

goodbye, lucifer (but not really!)

I cannot BELIEVE that I just watched the last episode of my favourite show.

I usually cram everything I have to in tags under gifsets I reblog, but for this final season I'll go through the pain of actually writing shit down. I'll try to keep it short, and I'll try not to ramble. (Edit: Did not accomplish that.)

what i loved

SCREAMS

God, soooooooo much!!

Deckerstar baby

Okay, so when Rory showed up in the trailer I was like "Ugh, another annoying angel? Meh." FORGIVE ME, my sweet murder child! Of all the things I thought they might do, a Deckerstar baby was DEAD LAST on my list. And a daughter no less, I just... When she says she's Lucifer's daughter, I was like *SCREAMS*, but when we learn she's Lucifer AND Chloe's daughter, I completely lost it. My boyfriend's on a trip with his friends this week and I'm sooo grateful for that, I made the weirdest, loudest, ugliest noises while watching this season, I ran around our apartment like a maniac, I squealed and laughed and cried and just generally lost my mind. But when she says that?? Oh my God. Also the way Lucifer reacted when Chloe shows him the pregnancy test? Straight outta fanfic.

Lucifer being a father

Oh my God?? I've always said he'd be the BEST father, and actually seeing it on screen... I love the parallel of him being ridiculously over the top with Rory at first, just like God and Lucifer in S5. The way he looks at her when he sees her playing the guitar? Their duet?? Instantly one of my favourite scenes. Them driving in the Corvette, their last day together, how he keeps her from killing Le Mec? Just murder me.

Established Deckerstar

All the hugs and kisses?? The declarations of love, the besotted looks, the absolute power couple we got? Their look from Maze and Eve's wedding, OH MY GOD???? Just, these two are so pretty and we got SO MUCH. Also, their scenes with Rory?? I just love them so much...

(More under the cut!)

Ella's storyline

I wanted a reveal for her so badly, and the way it turned out was brilliant! I loved her figuring it out for herself and calling everyone out lmao. I especially loved poor Carol returning to that room full of shocked people. They had some GREAT punchlines and gags this season, absolutely hilarious! I also love Lucifer's parting gift for her and that she finally found a good one with Carol.

Hugs, so many hugs!

That's it, that's the paragraph.

The Police storyline

As a white person who has literally never once had a problem with the police, I know this is not my place to say, but I think they did a good job? Not giving into the "a few bad apples" excuse but acknowledging that the whole system needs to change? I also really enjoyed the scenes with Amenadiel and Officer Harris, showing what policework could and should look like.

Maze and Eve's happily ever after

I'm so glad auntie Maze and auntie Eve got their happy ending! And that wedding was a bomb. Also, "You're my hell!", lmao.

Dan's ascend to heaven

First of, great to know his only torture was Belios' lack of table tennis skills. Secondly, how very fitting for the show that they didn't hand Dan his happy ending easily, that he fought and won it for himself. Him as a ghost and him as Le Mec was equally funny, and his talk with Trixie was just perfect, literally tears you guys.

Amenadiel becoming God

I mean, dude's perfect for the job! From the loyal, distant, obeying servant to a God who wants to work as a team with his siblings, who wants the Celestials to experience the human world, who hates injustice and loves fiercely? In this universe, I couldn't imagine anyone better suited to be God.

Nobody misses the case of the week

At least I don't! God, I wish they'd tried this out sooner.

The bittersweet ending

Let's preface this by saying I HATE bittersweet endings. Give me a happily ever after or else. And yet, and yet!! I think the ending they settled on is perfect. Would I have loved it if Lucifer had a life on earth with Chloe, Trixie and Rory? God, yes. Do I get emotional over him being alone in hell, again? Goddd, yes. But still. I so love that he found his calling in the end, that they reunited, and that he actually makes good on his promise from S5 to change the system. Also, I don't care if this is canon or fanon for now, but they totally spend time in heaven with Rory and visit earth whenever they like. And this would have been my ideal ending - them being free to go where they like, and I don't see why they shoudn't. It's definitely more satisfying than just traipsing off to heaven indefinitely, so I really, really loved that.

what i didn't (do feel free to skip this!)

Lucifer missing out on Chloe's life on earth and being alone in hell again. Chloe being left again.

Time travel shenanigans. I just finished Dark and that was enough of a mindfuck. Do not want to think about loops for this show, thank you very much.

Chloe felt a little too housewifey in the first episodes, but it thankfully didn't stay that way for long.

Lucifer and Chloe talking about keeping secrets for a whole episode, and then NOBODY TALKING ABOUT URIEL AND CANDY. I mean, ahhhhhhh! If you don't want to talk about it, then don't, but don't remind people of it constantly and then NOT discuss it. It drives me mad, honestly, how many times they referenced these storylines only to completely ignore them when there were opportunities to resolve them. Ahhh. That's what fic is for, I guess.

Adam. Like, why? Bye, dude.

what i'll keep with me

When someone I'd just met at my boyfriend's cousin's wedding in 2019 recommended this "funny, little show" to me that intrigued them because they were interested in finding their faith, I really didn't think I'd write all this three years later.

Lucifer is my third fandom, and it won't be my last, but it sure as hell - ha - will stay with me. I resonate so deeply with Lucifer as a character because he fights with the idea of God, fights with this concept of a benevolent father that everyone seems to believe in but never fit his experience. I come from a Christian family and studied theology, but somewhere along the lines I had to come to terms with the fact that the faith I had as a child and teenager didn't fit me anymore. I want to believe again, and maybe someday I will, but right now I don't know that. So Lucifer's journey with that meant a lot to me. I'd like to find what Ella did, I guess.

Although I never really thought Lucifer needed redemption, I loved the whole "anybody can be redeemed" message as well. And hell reform! Hell is such a weird, awful construct - speaking as the theology expert - bringing a bit of purgatory in in this universe is really fucking cool.

Also, I binged Lucifer when I was alone in hospital late at night. That experience alone I'll never forget.

So, I guess - thank you!! Thank you to the cast and crew, to the fans who campaigned for season four, to Ildy and Joe, to the writers and the directors and the people who brought lunch: Thank you so much for this incredible show. I'm not ready to say goodbye, not by a long shot, and I hope this fandom feels the same.

Yabba dabba do me, I love my stupid little show!!!

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

Heyyyy! SO as a local comteologist- okay sorry lmao 😂 I was wondering! Could you maybe write about an mc that is very affectionate? Because I am like that and I would give my ALL and just everything for someone I love. So, maybe the guys are pretending to be asleep and they hear mc admitting her undying love for them? I don't want to burden you! So, I think Will, Jean, Leo and Napoleon would be fine :D

I love you! And please take care of your self cuz corona is a hondje- sorry lmao

Have all of my uwus my lovely, I relate HIGHKEY I’m ungodly affectionate irl~

You take care of yourself too! Tyty 💖💖💖 nothing to apologize for I love a good clowning, esp if Theo gets clowned in the process 😂😂

And never apologize for using my esteemed title I will die on this Comte-thirsting hill (☆｀• ω •´)ｂ

I hope these attempts bring you joy! 

William Shookspeare:

Our v creative playwright boy was just vibin’. He had a long day at the (obnoxious thespian voice) theater and while he loves the art with all of his being, the man is t i r e d. MC was late to bed and while he prefers to wait for her to join him no he is not horny perish the thought he just started dozing off from the exhaustion. He’s not sure when the lights go out, but he feels an immeasurable warmth around him. Faintly, he can make out a voice murmured at his ear, a gentle hand running through his hair. (I s2g if this bih says “Puck?” I’m gonna smack him for MC)

“Had a long day, hm?” He’s only just coming to, and can’t muster the energy to reply or open his eyes. “I’m sure this next performance will be the best one yet! You surprise me every day, Will...”

“Try not to work yourself too hard, sweetheart. Your work may one day be the world’s greatest marvel.”

He wasn’t sure what it was about the words that made his lips tremble. Was it the praise that always seemed to flow forth at a moment’s notice, the real kind he was so unaccustomed to? Or was it that unshakeable calm; her faith in him unmoved by any fear or doubt--the kind that made him wonder briefly if she was dull all those years ago. Now he was just thankful it was still here, no matter how undeserving he may be.

“But you will always be my entire world, my greatest marvel. I love you too much to let the world have you.”

Jeanne D’Arc (REEEEEE MY GOODEST BOY OTL):

It was early one morning, frost blossoming in fractals along the transparent surface of the bedside window. An inevitable, biting chill lingers in the room while the sun is fighting to climb past the horizon, its time so limited in these winter months. She watches as the light casts a gentle gray over the bare walls--something she promised to remedy soon--so reminiscent of how he appeared to her at first. Pure and bright, but still fighting off a darkness she knew so little about.

The thought made her draw him to her protectively, careful not to wake him up as she tucked him close to her heart. He was so warm, even despite the frigid weather. A product of his time as a soldier? She was never sure, but she was always touched by how often he used that warmth in service to her. 

She remembered earlier the other day, when she returned home from some grocery shopping with Sebas. Concern was overflowing from his stoic face--it was there if you knew where to look for it; his eyes a little more narrow, the line of his mouth closer to a frown. All at once his hands were reaching for hers, relieving her of whatever she allowed him to carry while walking into the kitchen alongside her. When Sebas stepped out again he took her hands in his, pressing them along his face. She had cried out, knowing her hands were freezing--it had to be painful to warm them in such a way. But he only smiled that beautiful smile to quell her distress, the one that always took her breath away, and insisted he could do no less.

“The same goes for me too, though, Jeanne.” she looked at the fierce mark on his face, so unworthy of someone so gentle. She resisted every urge to soothe her fingers across it, loathe to wake him up. She didn’t notice the fingers that twitched at her hip, his signs of stirring subtle. “Whenever you need me, whenever you can’t think of a good reason to walk out of this room. All you need to do is find me, okay? I love you so, so much.”

Leonardo Da Binchi (no i will not apologize. he deserves to be clowned, glorious moron):

Once again her lover was gloriously strewn across the library floor, arms crossed and fast asleep. An exasperated smile found her face at the sight. Perhaps it would have been a surprise at first, but nowadays she would just roll her eyes and walk past. Sometimes, if she was feeling forlorn or a little reckless, she would climb into his lap just as he was. He seemed to enjoy being woken up that way though, so of course she couldn’t give him the satisfaction every time; a woman likes to change things up. And sometimes she was too busy to spare the time.

Even so, the slowly dimming shadows under his eyes were a relief to see. While the celebration of his birthday could only be a blessing, she knew what a double-edged blade it could be. It invoked so many wounds that hadn’t yet healed. While she wished he would share that burden with her--however heavy it may be--she slapped her own cheeks lightly at the impatient thought. Give him time...

“I know you think you have to carry everything alone. And in some ways, it’s something I admire so much about you--the way you always seem to know just how to move forward. Like nothing can shake you.”

She leaned down close to him, bracing herself against the bookshelf as she pressed a kiss gently against his temple. “But know that whenever you find yourself wavering, or even if you just need a place to rest, I’m right here. I’ll always be right here. I love you so much more than you think, Leonardo...”

She stopped herself before she could finish the thought, knowing it wasn’t what he wanted to hear: “more than my own life.”

Napoleon Bonaparte (oh my little lion man...):

They were spending a nice afternoon in the courtyard, as a lovey-dovey couple do, and they went under the veranda to find some relief from the midday sun. Surprising literally no one, our sweet emperor started to doze after some yummy tea time snackies--drifting asleep against MC’s shoulder. She adjusted a bit to change the angle of the lean, making sure he wasn’t putting too much pressure on his neck. Little puffs of air made her bangs flutter as he breathed low and even, and she smiled.

He’d had a guard jobs back to back recently, which meant precious little time to spend with him. Restless and quieter than usual, she had suggested a little stroll together around the courtyard; admiring the flowers and telling him about the books she’d been reading to fill the silence of those lonely nights. It wasn’t long before he started to smile more, snickering when she gave ludicrous summaries of the characters and plot. 

Early that morning she had taken the time to make perfect tea time sweets, fully anticipating--and hoping--it would encourage him to rest. So often he would be worried about her missing out on things or trying to plan more elaborate dates, but if she were honest she didn’t care much for extravagance or constant excitement. These tender moments where he could trust her (and the mansion’s perimeter) enough to fall fast asleep, no nightmares in sight, was enough to fill her heart with so much joy.

“I know you can’t help but want to do everything you can for the people around you; protecting and serving others is your life. I never want to be a reason you feel you need to stop doing that.” She murmured in the silence, playing with the buttons on his coat with a faint smile. “But even so, remember you always have a home to return to. More than that, no matter how powerful or skilled; you’re also one man. A man I love more than anything else in this world, a man I always want by my side--if he’ll have me, that is.”

She took the hand that was entwined with her own, pressing a gentle kiss to the back of his palm as his lashes trembled. “I love you, Leon. Whether I see you every moment of every day, or only in stolen moments between assignments. That will never change. There will be times where you belong to the whole world, but this” she placed a hand gently over his heart “will always belong to me. Let it lead you home to me, sweetheart.”

And because I can’t help myself, I added Comte, Mozart and Vincent:

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (he’s the melody I can’t get out of my head DON’T LOOK AT ME):

Despite all of his promises to quit his bad habits, she opened the door later that evening to find him fast asleep against the covered keys of the piano. His shock of white hair was nestled comfortably against his arms, piled together as a makeshift pillow. The sight made her think of those long, long nights in college; thinking you’d close your eyes for a minute--only to be adrift in seconds. 

Smiling wryly, she reached into a nearby closet to retrieve a blanket before draping it gently across his shoulders. Torn between waking him up and guiding him to bed or leaving him be, she decided on the latter. She got the feeling that waking him up would only mean “a few more minor edits” to the composition he was working on, leaving sleep an afterthought. While she knew he often couldn’t help himself, she didn’t want him neglecting his health all the same. 

She’d be back with some hot chocolate in a few hours, just how he liked it.

As she was about to slip back out of the room, the hand at his elbow clumsily grasped for hers resting on the covered keys. Heat bloomed across her face, ears burning as he clung to her warmth. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.” She sat down on the piano bench carefully, trying not to jostle him awake. “Your music will never stop being the most beautiful and soulful sound I’ve ever heard. But even a mind as impressive as yours needs plenty of rest--even more so, I’d wager. You work yourself too hard sometimes, Wolfie.” She leaned until her shoulder brushed his, “But I’ll always be here to make sure you don’t overdo it too much. Sweet dreams my only love.”

Vincent van Gogh (he’s babie your honor):

MC was on her laundry rounds, Vincent’s aprons now thoroughly washed and folded for his use once again. She knocked on the door murmuring a greeting--though fully anticipated he might not respond. While he was usually so sweet and attentive, it was almost like he became an entirely different person when painting. Utterly serious, intensely focused; any attempts at speaking to him would require many tries before he came back to himself with a beaming smile. 

She sighed dreamily, easily picturing it. His eyes would always be stunning, a cerulean to rival the calm waters of the Mediterranean Sea. But in the midst of his greatest passion? They burned bright enough to make her forget the rest of the world existed.

Trying not to embarrass herself on unsteady feet, she opened the door cautiously to find his easel abandoned. Shocked, she scanned the rest of the room until she found him strewn across the couch; a blanket haphazard in its provision of cover. With a gentle smile she stored away the fresh aprons in the dresser before she approached him, kneeling close to the couch so that she could tuck him in properly.

He let out a pleased little huff before shifting slightly in his sleep, body angled in her direction. There was a faint smile on his lips, evidence of what was likely a pleasant dream or peaceful rest. She traced the outline of his ear cuff with insatiable fingers, eyes glistening a little when he nuzzled into the faint touch--trapping her between his cheek and his arm. 

“You’re more precious to me than anything else in this world, Vince,” the murmur was barely audible, he didn’t stir. “I can’t imagine my life without you, and if I’m honest--no part of me really wants to imagine it. This warmth is the greatest gift I’ve ever known; thank you for choosing to share it with me. I love you so much, sweetheart.”

Le Comte de Saint Germain (SAN GERUMAN HAKKSHAKKU):

Every day is a long ass day when you have 10+ children (yes, Leonardo, you are in that child count I hope you’re happy >:| ). For all his half-hearted complaints about the exhaustion and noisiness though, he loves his bubs, and wouldn’t have things any other way.

Even so, it doesn’t stop the delighted giggling that shakes her shoulders when she finds him fast asleep in his favorite armchair. His tie is undone and askew, head lolling to the side--any attempt at his usual poise long forgotten. While she most often found him to be charming and delightful, she loved it even more when he felt comfortable sharing these parts of himself too. 

She set aside the tea she would always have prepared at this hour and reached for the coat he had draped across the opposite chair, settling it carefully over his form. Resisting every urge to join him--Sebas would need her help preparing dinner--she carded a hand through his hair, tucking it behind his ear so it wouldn’t tickle him while he was asleep.

He was so lovely like this, face unmarred by the weight of several lifetimes that found him when he was awake. No matter how early she rose when they were together, she rarely ever got the privilege of seeing him a little drowsy, lost to rest as he was now. She brushed light kisses to his eyelids, smiling when he half-sighed her name.

“Tuckered yourself out did you? You big worrywart.” She resisted the urge to find his hand and entwine it with hers. “I promise to watch over them, so rest easy, my dearest love.” She played with the collar, tucking him in further. “I know everyone here is precious to you. But remember that you’re the most important person in my life too,” she leaned her forehead gently against his. “While I love to see everyone get along, I love to see you happy and well-rested even more. You’ll always be the only one for me, [insert Comte’s real name].” 

Bonus continuation because I still can’t help myself apparently, somebody please take my laptop away from me:

Arms like steel bands enclosed her in his embrace, a sleepy exhale washing over her ear as she shivered a little at the sudden warmth.

“Mm, ma cherie, surely you didn’t think you’d get away with that kind of teasing...”

“But I wasn’t teasing you! I was completely serious.”

Laughter shook his chest and hers too, making her melt at the undisguised affection in the hands that settled her close to his heart.

“Then you must be punished for such foul play. To think you would ruthlessly attack me while asleep, bien-aime.”

“And how might I atone for this egregious indiscretion?”

She could feel him smile against her shoulder, the rascal. “Stay here a little while longer with me.” As if he had any intention of letting her go. Not that she minded, honestly.

“Threaten me with a good time.” she mumbled, stroking a hand soothingly along his back as they closed their eyes for a while.

A few more minutes couldn’t do any harm, could it?

[hellraiseher]

Hi, Imogen! I just finished reading your fic The Devil You Know and I... don't even know where to start. I devoured the chapters and reading your story prompted me to finally join the invite queue for AO3 so I can bookmark TDYK and leave comments. I've been reading fanfiction for more than a decade and rarely do I have the patience for a slow-burn like this but FUCK is your story worth it. Did you begin writing TDYK with a fully-thought-out arc? How instinctive is your character realization?

I was wondering how planned out TDYK was before you started writing it? Like you refer to chapter 7 as the end of act one; what is an "act" to you? I'm not at all familiar with the proper structure of a storytelling and seeing that there are obviously markers of events for you just made me wonder how "off the cuff" your writing is v. how premeditated it is? Do you have an outlining process? What bits are the hardest and easiest to write

hello !! again, thank you thank you thank you 🖤 i'm very flattered my silly little fanfic has motivated you to join ao3 and send me this ask !! i will try to answer as coherently as i can, this ask has prompted me to actually evaluate my 'process' ... mostly writing is something I Just Do, although my ambivalence is questionable bc creative writing is what i studied at uni 😅 but whatever here we go !!

when i first started writing TDYK it was essentially just with the first chapter mapped out, treating it like a pilot. from there on, while there's never a point a > b arc, i do have key moments in mind - it's just a question of where/when/why/how those moments feel natural and make sense for the characters. since the fic is solely from laurie's POV, the exploration of what (or who) she has agency over (including herself) is the foundation, as powerless as she is in the circumstance - she's the driving factor to pretty much everything... i'm much less keen on plot-driven narratives than character-driven narratives, because often with plot priority i feel characters will just suddenly be thrown into a certain development. and with TDYK the plot IS essentially laurie's and michael's relationship, so the stepping stones that lead to the progression of their relationship really do have to have a solid psychological / emotional reality, especially since horror and romance are the most emotive genres. .. each chapter is somewhat episodic in what motifs come into play, which is why i compulsively find applicable songs, usually i use those themes as some form of guidance throughout so everything doesn't feel completely disjointed and implausible.

90% of how laurie and michael change is instinctive! before i started writing TDYK i had been well into cultivating and honing my interpretation of halloween.... which is a whole other post but ... yeah! if a passage or action feels glaringly wrong, which is ?? fairly rare, then i'll heavily edit / rewrite... i think because as i previously said - priority is characters - the general 'sense' of them is easy to grasp for me. the biggest hurdle tbh is ensuring that if a licensed character from a pre-established canon is written that i keep some form of faithfulness to their original source material.

i think??? i hopefully covered the 'pre-plannedness' (or lack thereof) of TDYK previously! i really just considered the first seven chapters an act because it felt as much, which for me was laurie reaching this breaking point that had such irrevocable consequences (or benefits ig lmao *is promptly shot six times*). the markers themselves just kind of exist as 'eventually this will happen' but again, it depends on what transpires / develops in between those markers, which can sometimes change the original idea. eg. in chapter 4 laurie was actually going to put up xmas decorations, but i couldn't see her doing that until she'd gotten comfortable with michael's presence in haddonfield too, even if that behaviour from her would have been a desperate attempt to replicate her home. i didn't write her doing this then delete it, it was just an idea i was almost certain i would include before starting the chapter but then reconsidered, especially with her needing to feel safe before anything else - planting the knives around.

my outlining process is less pre-meditated than it is post-meditated lmao .. i will write scenes as and when they hatch (and i don't mean not writing until the 'inspiration strikes' - i think this is the most harmful mindset u can trick yourself into believing in any creative hobby) but as i'm finishing one scene, then the next one manifests more organically. if things feel a little too clunky then i'll integrate some kind of transition line / passage. the hardest part is usually starting each chapter. sometimes they can be an easy continuation of the previous chapter's events, usually what happens in a trial, but lately laurie is becoming less concerned with addressing the ramifications of these events until she has no choice but to ... because she's otherwise distracted 🙄🙄 honestly a lot of it can be difficult / challenging, especially in the first draft, whereas editing is a lot easier bc you have to force yourself into an objective mindset and recognise what's worth condensing or extrapolating on or restructuring. writing is easiest for me when i find the perfect song to act as an emotional basis for the characters in that moment .... 💆🏻‍♀️ where i am just a channel able to project the good word of mylaurie 👁🎇

[snickiebear]

Hi bby! 1, 2, 3, 6, 16, 27, 29, 33, 35! 🖤

mittens!!! loml!!

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

oh goodness... um, i’d say a 4?? yeah, that sounds about right, only because i often make so many tense mistakes and even when i edit there’s always something to fix. and just,,, im still learning a lot (aren’t we all). plus, sometimes the stuff i put out needs so much more work (see: my recent shisaku fic... i want to tear it up and put it back together.. ugh.. also wt&r, just everything)

2. Why do you write fanfiction?

OH GOODIE! i just... well, i wrote a lot when i was twelve-fourteenish, then kind of on and off through the years. never really had anything to ground me and get me to take writing seriously. and then i found naruto and sakura who has so much unused potential and it just made me so angry to see her treated that way. 

point being, the naruto fandom (more specifically the sakura fandom) rooted me down and allowed me be able to grow as a writer even though i’ve only been posting since january my writing style has changed so much, and i can physically feel myself becoming a better writer. 

plus, i just love it. the thrill of being able to use these characters and pairings and do what i want with them?? i drink it up, i love it!!! its so freeing and such a great way to really dig deep within writing itself. 

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

i think its just the way i word things, you and a lot of others call it poetry but meh i just call it fancy words or word vomit from my brain AHAHHAHA

also, my thing is God Killers, God Eaters, and Angry Wrathful Women at this point, so maybe thats another thing?

but honestly,,, i have no clue... you’d have to ask my lovely readers, im so thankful for them 😭

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily?

plot probably. this changes often though. usually when i have an idea, the rest comes to mind and i jot it down and come back and change things and stuff, so thats usually pretty easy tbh... at least for now LMAO

and inner dialogue, inner struggles, showing the entire internal thing. its fun writing that angsty part of a story, the small insights into a character’s mind, how miserable and alone they feel. or, perhaps how happy they are, overjoyed and at peace. 

OH AND WORLD BUILDING. i pride myself so much on my world building. i honestly think thats one of the better things im good at! just weaving small details into the text, and subtly building a world within your mind, oh i love it so much!!!!

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)?

mmmm nothing really comes to mind? men simping for women who could kick their ass? tho idk if thats really a guilty pleasure....am very fond of same age aus, sometimes mafia aus too... ummm,, yeah

(probably big dick tenzo tbh... and the fact that kakashi’s face is a legal weapon AHAHAHA,,, and broken, vunreble men. also, shattered, all consuming women.)

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

oh god... i cannot chose! you, ele, al, and hika leave the kindest comments, and literally any comment on the things i write just make me so so so so so HAPPY. i just them more than kudos tbh. 

but! one comment on the intimacy of being understood i always come back to. it was left by GuardianMars and they wrote that the fic was like a “love letter to the pairing.” and that well. i think about that comment all the time. 

there have been so many others comments that have utterly touched my heart and that i will go to read on terrible, horrible days and i value ALL comments. especially those who say “i’m rereading this again” or “i’ll read anything you put out” that just. there is something so intimate about that, that utter faith and loyalty that i do not know what to do with. 

its so touching and makes me truly believe in the good of the world. 

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out?

yes! i am attempting to get better at writing smut because ol&w is going to have some fucking in it so i experimented in that shisaku fic and just..... yeah idk man. idk... its something i do want to get better at cause, meh why not? and i want to write some good porn for my readers damnit! HAHAHA 

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

hmmm,,, probably that i stress so much and yet so little at the same time? allow me to elaborate! i stress so much about whether my writing is actually good or if people are just being nice LMAO and also posting, i get cold sweats and a thumping heart and yiKES

but also, i enjoy writing so its like “fuck you (jk ily guys) imma write what i wanna!”...do you see my issue? HAHAHA

also, im a planner. most of the time, and a lot of the details in my more serious fics (ol&w) are blink and miss details but they’re important and i LOVE foreshadowing!!!! like yes, i will vaguely mention something and itll simply come back with a vengeance! 

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want!

aaaaaa okokok thank you for this ask LMAO i just love talking about writing and rambling (as i often do,, im a long winded person, im very sorry)! 

but anyways! my summer semester just started up and i’m taking three purely online classes and the college im attending (im a dual enrollment student; meaning a high school and college kid,, taking advantage of the system!) fucked up my schedule so! im taking two TWELVE WEEK CLASSES that will end in AUGUST???? and then my fall sem starts five days later so... no summer break for nadia! yay...

writing will be very slow and updates will be too, which i am so sad and frustrated about because i’ve finally hit a paved road and now we’re driving into the forest! all bumps and bruises damnit! BUT worry not! i (as i said above, am i severe planner. every day has a plan, i am also an avid lover of lists also. i have lists for EVERYTHING) am working out a schedule so that i can get all my school shit done as soon as i can (while not failing) and write while hopefully not burning myself out.  

ol&w is such an intricate fic and im truly trying to give it the justice it deserves,,, im just hoping that my dear readers can bear with me HAHAHAHA there is honestly so much going on in that fic; shikamaru’s development, the underlying plot, the hate to love build up, the world building, and then laying down the foundations for the next fic (because yes, this is supposed to be a trilogy.. question is; will i be able to write it?) (answer: maybe. hopefully. i desperately want to but it might take some time.)

BUT ASLO i have so many oneshots i want to write! kisame week! kakashi week! kibasaku long fic! and not to mention my og work that i plan on rewriting and putting up on ao3 because a few people showed some interest. there is just so much to do and write and i am itching to do it all! but. well, but school, and the exhaustion of insomnia, and the weight of stress, sigh. 

shit sucks, it is what it is. but writing is like my safe haven and i just love pouring all myself into my fics and then baring my soul to you all and you take a peek and decide to keep looking. that is my favorite part of this little pocket of tumblr. 

this was not really... fic related? more like a dump of issues! so sorry about that AHAHAHAH 

anyways! thank you so much mittens! :)))))))))

pick my brain!

[clonetrobed]

F, L and U for the fanfic ask game. Hope you're having a good day, love your fics and gifs!

🥺this is so sweet, thank u 🥺

F: share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it

“Abed,” he breathes. His heart beats in his throat when he sees how Abed looks back at him like he’s the only thing in the world, like he’s all that matters. It’s almost too much, but Troy keeps looking. He has to. “Before we met, I sucked. I was a stuck-up, shallow jock who didn’t care about anyone but himself. I thought I didn’t owe the world a fucking thing. I thought I was gonna skate through the rest of my life on being popular in high school. I was clueless, okay? You changed that for me.”

Abed only tilts his head in response, so Troy keeps going. “You were the one who showed me that it’s not lame to care about stuff, or have feelings, or… or any of that other crap I spent my whole life running away from. You make me better, Abed.”

He can tell from the expression on Abed’s face that he’s racing to process everything Troy’s throwing his way. His eyes are apprehensive, forehead drawn in concentration, and Troy can either back off or he can take a leap of faith, and finally settle this for both of them.

He chooses the latter, arms draping around Abed’s shoulders as he moves in closer. Their noses brush, Abed’s breath ghosts shakily over his lips, and Troy is totally, one hundred percent sure that what he’s about to say is the absolute truth.

“I’m better because I love you, Abed.”

i know it’s not technically dialogue since it’s only troy talking, but this was the first thing that came to mind. i had the line “i’m better because i love you, abed” in my head for the longest time, not knowing what the context was supposed to be, and i was just so happy to find a story where it fit lmao

L: how many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

that um........very much depends on the length of the fic. if it’s a 1-2k one-shot or chapter, i’ll definitely look it over a few times before posting. any longer than that, i usually just post it after skimming it over once. it’s not the best practice, but i’m very critical of my own writing and if i read something over and over i’ll eventually just convince myself it’s terrible and never post it, so i’m still working on finding a balance with that. i’ve also been known to go back and edit parts of fics after they’re already posted if something’s really bothering me but shh :)

U: share three of your favorite fic writers and why you like them so much

oh, there’s so many amazing writers in the community fandom, but for the purpose of this ask i’ll say that @slutabed @nadir-barnes and @damntrobed all have a way of just making me feel so much with every single thing they post and i love them ❤️

fanfic asks!!