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kutemouse · 4 years

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Caught (Prologue)

Disclaimers: All “Save Me” webtoon and BTS MV/highlight reel/film references and plots belong to BTS and BigHit. Not sure who edited it or made it, but the “I’m Fine/Save Me” ambigram pic I used came from here. All pictures of Kim Taehyung belong to BTS and BigHit, I just edited them for my header. The picture of BTS came from Vogue Japan, I just edited it for my header. I got the Kim Taehyung Wings Film Gif from DannyBriz on Wattpad.

A Note from Kutemouse: Awwww, thank you for reading my stuff, @chocolatewolfuniversitytrash!

So, this sweet little mini series is inspired by several things… The movie 365 DNI, the Save Me webtoon, the BTS MV universe, and ideas I’ve come up with waaaaaay too late at night 😂 Honestly, I’m OBSESSED with the whole MV/highlight reel/wings films arc that started with The Most Beautiful Moment in Life Pt. 1, and I’ve ALWAYS wanted to write a story inspired by it. So, kutie pie @chocolatewolfuniversitytrash, thank you for allowing this dream to come to light.

About the non-con request, I was all like, “EEEERRRRRRMMMMMMMM idk,” because I’ve never written non-con and therefore don’t… know… if I’m comfortable with it…? I will attempt to do my best. Either way, I hope you like what has come out of my brain 😅

Also, thank you to @btssmutheaven for revealing my drafts (NOT REALLY, ILY) to @taemaknae for reading my shit and loving it, and to @kpopyandere for being the best unnie account and helping me realize I can write all the yandere ideas I want.

Age Recommendation: 21+ (this is NOT one for youngsters, kuties, and is MOST DEFINITELY NSFW)

Genre: Mafia!AU w/ BTS, Jailbird!AU w/ Taehyung, Yandere!BTS

Warnings: ALL THE WARNINGS. Just kidding, uh… Swears. There are minors in this section but they do NOT do anything sexual. I ain’t about that kinda life, y’all. F*ckboy Taehyung. Fluffy friendship. Angsty jealousy. Mentions of drug use and alcohol consumption (NOT by minors tho). Yandere themes including unhealthy obsession and possessiveness. Making out. No smut in this part, but it’s heavy af.

🚨TRIGGER WARNING. DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVE ISSUES WITH THE FOLLOWING.🚨

Mentions of abusive relationships, mentions of a parent abusing their child, mentions of sexual abuse, mentions of schoolyard bullying, mentions of a violent murder.

These are not fleshed out or detailed scenarios. When I say “mention,” I mean briefly discussed after it happened, not during, and definitely not in any detail whatsoever. You DO NOT have to read my work. You decide what you are comfortable with. All I want is for you kuties to be happy.

Word Count: 6.1k (WTF is this even allowed?!)

Summary: Kim Taehyung was the absolute love of your life… until he became a murderer. With him serving a life sentence in prison, you were finally free to live out the rest of your life however you wanted. Just when you thought you were at the top of your game, ready to take on the world, Taehyung reappears like a monster not even your worst nightmares could dream up. He gives you a year to fall in love with him, but now the question is, can monsters even be loved?

Master List

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Caught (Taehyung Series, Yandere, Smut, Angst) Prologue

I remember the first time I saw Kim Taehyung. We were both fifteen, just starting out in high school. Back then, I remember the way he lazily leaned against a locker with his arms crossed, seemingly waiting for someone. His hair was bleached a ridiculous bright blonde on the top and left brunette everywhere else. He had on dramatic, black eyeliner that served to accentuate his inky eyes, and he wore a studded leather jacket with his shirt and tie rather than the traditional uniform. Intrigued, I opened my locker and picked out my books for my next class, watching him out of the corner of my eye.

I saw him zero in on his target and take brisk, wide strides towards her as she twirled the combo to her locker. She looked up at him with wide, innocent eyes as he caged her in by leaning down to whisper something in her ear. Suddenly, the hallway was filled with flirtatious giggles and I turned away, rolling my eyes. So he was one of those assholes.

I watched him do this with every single girl in our class. I swear, he had his routine down to a science. Chat her up, openly flirt, flirt some more until she caved in to whatever he desired, then drop her like a hot frying pan. It took a couple months for his interest to finally land on me.

“Hey.”

I didn’t bother to look up as I twirled the combination to my locker and popped it open.

“Hey,” he said louder.

I flicked a glance his way. “Do you need something?”

His eyes narrowed. “Do I look like I need anything?”

I huffed out a sigh. “What do you want, Kim Taehyung?”

He let out a snort, leaning against the locker next to mine the same way he’d done a thousand times with a thousand other girls. “So you know my name, but I don’t know yours. You’re new, right?”

“I transferred in at the beginning of the year,” I said impatiently. “And we’re in the same class, so you should know who I am.”

Taehyung’s lips curled up into a playful smirk. “Really? No, that can’t be right. I definitely would’ve remembered you.”

I rolled my eyes and slammed my locker shut, walking quickly away. Taehyung jogged to keep up. “Just tell me your name,” he insisted.

“Why?”

“C’mon, I’m just trying to make friends.”

I whirled around, stopping both of us in our tracks. “Friends? Is that what you’ve been doing with every other girl here? Just making friends?”

Taehyung smirked once more and took a step towards me. I don’t know why, but I took a step back. I should’ve held my ground, should’ve told him to fuck off right then and there. Instead, I let him back me up against the wall and entrap me within his darkened gaze, the same way he would for the next three years of our lives.

He leaned down to whisper in my ear, his breath tickling the skin of my cheek. “We can be more than friends… but first, you have to tell me your name.”

I shoved him off me and practically sprinted down the hall, cheeks aflame with embarrassment. My peers and classmates who saw the exchange teased me for weeks afterward, no matter how much I kept my head down and avoided Taehyung like my life depended on it. It wasn’t until I heard him telling off some of the more tenacious gossipers I decided to give him another chance.

I tapped him on his shoulder as he stood in front of his locker. His eyes widened when he turned to see me standing there. “I’m L/n Y/n,” I said meekly. “And I wanted to thank you for what you said to those people.”

“You heard that?” he asked, the skin of his neck flushing pink.

I nodded.

“You’re welcome,” he said, tossing me a boxy grin.

That day, a seed was planted that eventually grew into a steady, beautiful friendship. A year later, I had come out of my shell quite a bit thanks to Taehyung, and I had a solid group of mates that I adored and relied on. Tae was my best friend, and I was his. Of course, we still got teased quite a bit about being a couple, but I figured we were both long past that.

Taehyung matured alongside our friendship. He stopped wearing thick eyeliner and sporting ridiculous hair colors, instead opting for a softer, more natural look with caramel brown locks and the unblemished glow of his slightly-tan skin. Gone were his dramatic, attention-seeking ways. His voice also deepened, dropping almost an entire octave. Yet despite all of his changes, he still stayed an absolute fuck-boy, shagging a new girl every other week. I came to realize it was all part of his personality, though, and I loved him no matter what.

The summer before our senior year was when I realized that love ran way deeper than friendship. We were at my best girlfriend Chaeyoung’s house when Taehyung stumbled in with yet another girl, his hair freshly dyed a bright cerulean blue. “Hey everyone!” he called out, slinging his arm around the girl’s shoulders. My smile faded as I looked over and noticed she was beyond gorgeous, with waist-length black locks that seemed to flow down the perfect curve of her back. I shuddered as a green monster reared its ugly head deep within me.

Taehyung was with that girl for a few months, which by his standards, was practically a lifetime. The entire time they were together, I felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff about to swan-dive into devastating heartbreak. Each time I saw him kiss her, each time I saw him smile at her, each time I saw him lean over and whisper something in her ear, a piece of my soul shriveled up and died. I did my best to put my feelings aside, knowing I already had my chance and he would probably never look at me that way again. Even after they broke up, I kept my love for him tamped down and tucked away deep in the recesses of my heart, scared of ruining our friendship.

His break-up only served to draw us closer together, and slowly, without me realizing it, our friendship began to bloom into something more. Taehyung and I started to tell each other everything, including the messed-up secrets our home lives made us keep. One day, we were sitting in an empty classroom after school. I was trying to study, but kept getting distracted by Tae staring longingly out the window. “What’re you looking at?” I finally asked, putting my pencil down.

“Nothing,” he said simply. “Just thinking.”

“About what?”

“About when we’ll finally get out of here.”

I smiled, my heart thumping a little faster. “We?”

He turned and tossed me his signature boxy grin. “Yeah. We. We’ll make it out of here someday, Y/n. I’ll get away from my bastard of a dad, you’ll get away from your selfish mother, and we’ll have a house in the country with big, open fields and plenty of space to finally fucking breathe.”

I smiled and stored those words away, using them to comfort myself whenever my mother and her asshole of a boyfriend wouldn’t stop yelling at each other, or worse, when they’d pass out on the couch, too drunk or high to stay coherent.

One night around three in the morning, my phone began to buzz and didn’t stop until I finally popped an eye open, fumbled around for it in the dark, and pressed it to my ear. “Hello?” I mumbled.

“H-Hey.”

I sat up. “Taehyung?”

“Y/n, I n-need your help,” he said shakily. It sounded like he was… crying?

I immediately got out of bed and pulled some jeans on. “Tae, it’s okay,” I said soothingly, trying to hide the panic I was feeling. I knew Taehyung’s home life was extremely hard. In fact, most of our home lives were terrible. The only two in our friend group who even came close to “privileged” were Chaeyoung and Jin, and that was because their parents had more money, not less problems.

I myself had plenty of issues. The reason my mother and I moved here when I was fifteen was to escape her abusive boyfriend, and even then, we still lived in constant fear of him finding us again. I guess that fear drove her into the arms of the first strong-looking man who looked twice at her, because her new boyfriend, Manseok, seemed to fit the same abusive pattern. At least he didn’t hit her when he was sober.

I wasn’t exactly sure how terrible Taehyung’s life was until the night he called me. At his request, I stole a few bills from my mom’s purse as well as her ID and put us up in a cheap motel room for the night. Jumping up when I finally heard his knock, I quickly pulled the door open to reveal Taehyung, his blue hair stringy from the rain outside. He was panting like he ran all the way there. I covered my mouth with my hands as the dim lighting revealed his left eye swollen shut, covered in nasty shades of scarlet and purple. His lip was split and bleeding, and his right cheek had another bruise and cut creeping down to his jawbone. The worst part, though, were the red finger-shaped marks that covered his neck.

“Y/n,” he croaked out. I held open my arms and he fell into them, not leaving their safety until well into the morning. I iced his black eye and bruises as much as I could, and bandaged the cuts that covered his face. Taehyung’s face was pressed into my chest, his breathing deep and even as he finally slept.

I decided then and there I’d never let him go.

Thankfully, Taehyung felt the same way. Within a week, he brushed off every other girl he was chatting up and focused all of his attention on me. We spent hours with each other after school, either in person or on the phone, and it became a common occurrence for him to intertwine his fingers with mine or peck me sweetly on the cheek.

I quickly grew dissatisfied, sick of the friendship barrier preventing us from taking things further. We spent an entire day together one weekend, talking, laughing, walking the streets, and trying different foods from vendor carts. As the sun started to go down, Taehyung wrapped his arms around me from behind, pressing his chest into my back. He was teasing me, I forget about what, and he leaned down to kiss my cheek when I turned at the last second and let him peck my lips instead. I laughed as his dark eyes grew wide with shock.

That was all it took, though. One kiss, and he was mine. Or rather, I was his. Afterwards, he pulled me into a deserted alleyway and we kissed until the sun completely disappeared. As the stars appeared in the sky above, Taehyung asked me to be his girlfriend, murmuring in my ear about how much he loved me and how he had never stopped loving me, even after I turned him down. With my heart practically bursting, I readily agreed.

Back then, Taehyung had a knack for getting in trouble, and me being his new girlfriend did nothing to hinder that side of him. He was definitely the “bad boy” of our school, constantly rebelling against the system by swapping his uniform for street clothes and ditching classes. His favorite form of rebellion, however, was street graffiti. He loved spray-painting words and drawings all over the walls of our neighborhood alongside his best friend, Namjoon. Tae was nearly caught by the cops a couple of times, but thanks to his quick instincts, he managed to give them the slip.

Still, a boy with bright, blue hair was bound to stand out, so after a couple nights of close calls, Taehyung finally dyed his hair back to that soft, caramel brown that I loved running my fingers through. We sat together at a bus stop, watching cars and people go by with fingers intertwined, when Tae stood and pulled a paint can out of his jacket pocket.

“Again?” I asked. Despite my teasing tone, I smiled up at him.

Taehyung tucked his bottom lip between his teeth with a grin as he sprayed something onto the panel beside us. “Look,” he said once he was finished, tilting his head to admire his work.

I stood up to see the words “I’m fine” sprayed in green. The font was the most interesting part, though, too curly in comparison to Taehyung’s usual writing. “Now look at it from upside-down,” Tae said.

I threw him a skeptical look before obediently curving my neck and scoping out the piece of art as best I could. “Save me,” I read out loud.

Taehyung nodded. “It’s for us,” he murmured.

I looked up at him, emotions surging through me like a waterfall surging down a cliff. “It’s beautiful,” I said, my voice cracking.

Taehyung looked at me, concern filling his features. “Baby girl, what’s wrong?”

“I-I have s-something to tell you,” I stammered.

With many tears and a shaky voice, I began to explain to Taehyung the events that had transpired only a few nights before. How my mom’s boyfriend had quietly snuck into my room while she remained passed out on the couch. How he had told me to be quiet as his hand started stroking my arm. How he had held his hand over my mouth and yelped when I bit him. How I had screamed so loud our neighbors called the cops. How he was carted away by the police with my mother shrieking the entire time about how I was a brat and a dramatic liar.

Taehyung’s gaze grew darker with each word. “That bastard,” he spat, clenching his fists. “I will end that motherfucker.”

“Taehyung, stop,” I sighed. “It’s over. For now, at least. I’ll stay at Chaeyoung’s until graduation.”

“What do you mean? He’s not going to jail?”

I hung my head. “My mom left to pay his bail an hour ago.”

Taehyung slammed his fist into the same panel he just graffitied. “So that jerk is going to walk free?!”

I stood up and ran my hands soothingly over his shoulders. “For now. I’m going to press charges, but in the end, it’s my word against his. Who knows how the system will treat him.”

Taehyung let out a feral growl, turning away from me. “I’m sick of this shit,” he snapped. “My dad, your mom’s boyfriend… neither of them should be walking free after everything they’ve done.”

Not knowing what else to do, I hugged him tightly from behind. “Just another few months,” I said quietly. “And then we’ll be out of here. A house in the country, just like you said.”

“That’s not good enough,” Tae snapped, turning back towards me. My mouth parted in surprise as I looked into his eyes and saw something there I’d never seen before. It was like a slow-burning flame, one that hadn’t yet risen into a raging wildfire, but threatened to if it wasn’t quickly put out.

Taehyung suddenly grabbed my hand and tugged me down the street. “I’m dropping you off at Chae’s,” he said. “And then I want you to stay there for the next twenty-four hours. I don’t want you going out for any reason, you understand me?”

“Taehyung, what are you saying? You’re scaring me.”

He stopped walking, turning so we were facing each other once more. The flame I saw earlier began blazing, turning rapidly into something uncontrollable and destructive I didn’t know how to stop. “This ends tonight,” he growled.

True to his word, he dropped me off at Chaeyoung’s, not leaving until he made me promise I wouldn’t go out until he said so. After a week, with Tae’s permission, I went home to get some clothes and personal items only to find my mom sitting on the couch, strung out of her mind. “Is he here?” I asked tentatively.

She raised her red-rimmed eyes to meet mine. “Who?”

“Manseok. Your jerk of a boyfriend.”

My mom shrugged and scoffed. “Haven’t seen that bastard for a couple days now,” she said, her words slurring together. “He upped and left us. Stole some money from me to do it, too.”

The feeling of relief that I felt was short-lived once I remembered that asshole would probably be back for more, just like the others. I quickly gathered my things and left, stopping only to make sure my mom had enough food for the next few days.

Ever since that night, Taehyung withdrew into himself. He still held my hand and kissed me, but it was distant, emotionless, like he didn’t know how to feel his feelings for me anymore. He weirdly became somewhat possessive of me, keeping me practically glued to his side whenever he was with me, and constantly texting me when we weren’t together. Whenever other boys looked my way, Taehyung shot them down with harsh words and incessant bullying our friends joined in on. I insisted they stop that kind of behavior, and for a while, I thought Tae and his friends complied. It wasn’t until much later in life when I realized they never truly stopped. They just got better at hiding it.

One night, I was at Namjoon’s place waiting for Tae when Joon’s phone rang. “Taehyung?” he said, turning away from me when I looked up. “Hey, calm down. You did what?!”

He stood up quickly. I motioned for him to put it on speaker, but he waved me off. “Okay, stop. I’m coming over right now. Just stay put, dammit.”

Joon grabbed his jacket and rushed towards the door. “Wait!” I cried. “What happened?!”

“Nothing that concerns you,” he snapped. “Stay here. I’ll bring Taehyung to you, alright?”

Neither of them came back. Before the sun even thought of rising, I determinedly ran all the way to Taehyung’s apartment, desperate to see him and make sure he was alright. As my sneakers pounded against the pavement and my breath started coming out in ragged gasps, I suddenly felt a hand grasp my forearm and yank me into a side alley.

“What are you doing here?” a voice growled as I yelped in surprise. I looked up to see Jungkook standing there, glaring at me.

“I want to see Taehyung,” I retorted, ripping my arm from his grasp.

He crossed his arms. “Not gonna happen.”

“Like hell it’s not!” I snapped. “Where is he?”

Jungkook grabbed the front of my jacket, preventing me from pushing past him. “Go home, Y/n.”

“Absolutely the fuck not!”

Sick of my shit, Jungkook picked me up, threw me over his broad shoulder, and carried me out of the alleyway. I kicked and screamed the entire way. He set me down once we were on the main street. “Taehyung will call you when he can,” he said firmly. “I won’t say it again, Y/n. Go home.”

“No!” Tears welled up, and I furiously swiped them away. “I’m his girlfriend! Tell me where he is right now or I’ll—”

“You’ll what?” Jungkook snapped. “Y/n, you don’t even know where he is. Fucking leave, or I’ll carry you all the way back to Chae’s myself.”

It didn’t take much longer for me to realize Jungkook wouldn’t relent. Eventually, I went back to Chaeyoung’s and spent the day staring at the wall beside my bed. What did Taehyung do? What were his friends protecting him from? When had things gotten so fucked up?

My questions were never answered. After a full week of silence, complete with him missing school, Taehyung showed up at Chae’s place asking for me. “She doesn’t want to see you,” Chae snapped, closing the door as I meandered into the entry hall.

Taehyung stopped her by slamming his palm against the wood. “Please, Chae,” he begged.

Recognizing his deep tenor, I walked up and put my hand on my bestie’s shoulder. “I’ve got this, Chae,” I murmured. She left with a huff.

Taehyung looked terrible. Dark circles ran under both eyes like he’d spent multiple nights without sleep, his hair was unkempt, and his skin was much too pale. Without another word, I immediately took him inside and dragged him up to my room. He took a shower in my en suite bathroom while I washed his clothes. After he dressed, we sat on my bed, still not speaking. “What happened?” I finally asked.

He tossed me a weak smile. “Life happened.”

I shook my head in disgust. “You leave me for an entire week with no explanation, and that’s all you have to say?”

“Baby girl, please,” Taehyung said, clasping my hands in between his large, rough ones. “I’m sorry I left you alone. I asked the guys to keep an eye on you, and they said you’ve been doing fine.”

“Fine is an overstatement,” I snorted, tearing my hands from his grasp.

He didn’t relent, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me into his broad chest. “Let go,” I ordered, trying and failing to push him away.

“No,” he said simply, tightening his hold. “I love you, Y/n. Everything that happened this past week happened for us. For our dream.”

I managed to pull back enough to look up into his eyes. The spark of mischief that normally resided there was gone, replaced by a dull sombreness that made me ache inside. Whatever had happened that week completely changed Taehyung for good. He was no longer quick to smile or joke, and I began to yearn for the blue-haired boy of the past. I couldn’t tell him that, though. Despite everything, I still loved him.

A month passed, and as our graduation approached, Taehyung talked more and more about moving out to the country. I responded enthusiastically outwardly, but on the inside, I didn’t know if moving out was such a good idea. It wasn’t just the way he had changed. It was having issues with my mom as well. Since Manseok never came back around, her behavior grew more erratic each day. I moved back in to take care of her, and she depended heavily on me. I was afraid if I left, she would fall off the deep end again and never be able to make it back to the surface.

The last day I saw Taehyung dawned bright and filled with hope. “I’m feeling good today,” he announced, slinging an arm around my shoulders as we walked to class.

I smiled up at him, glee spreading through my limbs when I saw a trace of that mischievous spark back in his eyes. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.” He tossed me a grin. “I haven’t been able to go out and tag anything lately… but I kind of want to tonight. You in?”

“Of course.”

As night approached, we walked hand-in-hand down the street until Taehyung led us back to that bus stop where he painted the “I’m fine/Save me” ambigram. I sat on the bench and watched as he began to create something new. I don’t think he had a set plan. The painting started off in meaningless loops, the jet-black color standing out in stark contrast to the white behind it.

Suddenly, bright lights filled our vision flashing a blinding blue and red. “Freeze!” a loud voice yelled.

I remember Taehyung’s wide, dark eyes finding mine, filled with panic. I remember the rough skin of his palm sliding into mine and yanking me upright. I remember how we sprinted down the street, the fear of being caught pumping adrenaline through us. How he ran faster than me, tugging me along to keep up.

Taehyung looked back and pulled me into an alleyway to try and lose them. We turned a corner and met a dead end. With our backs pressed against the wall, I looked at Tae. “Dammit,” he panted, the corners of his mouth turning upwards despite our situation.

I began to run out the way we came, intending on dragging Taehyung with me, but he yanked me back, slamming me against the wall that entrapped us. He kissed me, feverishly pressing his tongue inside my mouth before I could stop him. He yanked my wrists upwards, pinning them almost painfully against the brick above us as his mouth continued exploring mine and his hands roamed up and down my body.

He pulled back, allowing me to finally suck in some oxygen, and even as I coughed, he continued pressing kisses from my cheek to my jaw to my neck. Tae finally stopped as loud voices and beams of flashlights got closer. “I love you, baby girl,” he murmured. “Don’t forget that.”

“Tae, what—?”

He stepped out from behind the corner, raising his hands in the air. I ducked down into the shadows the alley provided, scooting backwards and pressing my hands over my mouth.

“Get over here, punk,” a gruff voice commanded. I heard the grinding click of handcuffs closing over wrists as another voice began to read Tae his rights.

I scrambled to my feet, realizing too late what was happening. No, no, no, no, no. He couldn’t take the fall for both of us. Not like this. Still, even as I moved to step out into the light and reveal myself, something stopped me. I don’t remember exactly what it was. Possibly the thought of my mother, my friends, how close I was to graduation. Like I said, I don’t remember. All I remember was the panic I felt when I realized the love of my life had just been arrested.

I showed up late to class the next day, not wanting to answer questions from my friends about what had happened and why I looked like absolute shit. I realized my efforts weren’t needed when two detectives pulled me out of class and escorted me to the police station, causing my classmates to start buzzing with gossip like the annoying wasps they were.

“So… L/n Y/n,” the cop, Detective Kwak, said. I looked up at her, nervously twisting my hands in my lap. “You are dating Kim Taehyung, correct?”

I nodded slowly. She had brought me here for “routine questioning,” yet I began to suspect more when they put me in an interrogation room. “For how long?” the detective asked.

“About a year and a half,” I muttered.

“So your relationship was serious?”

“You could say that.”

“How serious?”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, how serious were you? Did you have plans for after graduation?”

“I guess. We were going to move in together.”

“Here in the city?”

“No,” I replied, shaking my head. “Somewhere far away.”

“Because of your troubles at home?”

It was then I got defensive. “What do you know about that?” I snapped.

Detective Kwak stared me down, an amused smile playing around the corners of her lips. “I know enough. I was promoted to detective only a month or so ago. Back in my street days, I was one of the cops called to your house.”

My mouth parted in surprise at her words.

“I remember that night pretty clearly,” she continued. “Your mom’s boyfriend attacked you, right?”

I swallowed hard and sank down in my seat, rubbing my arms with my palms in an effort to keep myself contained. “And she did nothing to defend you, correct?” the detective prodded.

“Stop,” I whispered.

“What about Taehyung? Did he do anything to defend you?”

“What the fuck is this about?” I burst out. “I thought you brought me here because… because…”

“Because of the graffiti?” she asked pointedly.

I nodded.

Detective Kwak leaned forward over the table. “Look, Y/n, I don’t give a damn about the fact you were his tagging partner in crime or whatever. This is much bigger than that.”

“What do you mean?”

She sat back and stared at me, her eyes like cold, dark tunnels. “Kim Taehyung has been charged with murder. His prints match a partial we lifted off of a crime scene.”

My mouth dropped open. “W-What?”

“That’s right,” she said. “We only identified the body yesterday. Does the name Lee Manseok mean anything to you?”

I froze as the syllables of my mother’s boyfriend’s name rolled off the detective’s tongue. She nodded at my reaction. “I thought it would. He was found in an abandoned warehouse about a week after he was killed. He’d been beaten to death.”

My blood ran cold, causing goosebumps to raise on the flesh of my arms. I shook my head fiercely. “No, that can’t be right,” I said. “The guy was a dick, anyone could’ve done that to him.”

“That’s what we thought at first. We first suspected his wife.”

“He… He has a wife?”

“And two kids,” the detective scoffed. “Your mom picked a real winner. But then we finally got Taehyung in custody thanks to your shenanigans last night and what do you know? His prints match the one we found at the crime scene.”

“You’ve got it wrong,” I said firmly. “Taehyung wouldn’t do that.”

“Wouldn’t he?” she asked, folding her arms over the table. “Sounds like he really loved you and would do anything to protect you.”

“No, there has to be a mistake. Even if Taehyung did kill him, it had to be out of self-defense or something.”

“Maybe so. But if you knock a guy out and then continue beating him until he dies, is it really self-defense?”

“It is if that guy could come back and hurt someone you love for revenge,” I retorted.

The detective’s face remained expressionless. “Unfortunately, the law says differently.”

“The law can go to hell for all I care.”

She chuckled. “Whatever you say, kid. Look, the crime scene revealed that more than one person beat the literal life out of Manseok. If Taehyung did this, he didn’t do it alone. Do you happen to know who else would have helped him commit murder?”

I stayed silent as I thought for a moment. Any of our friends could’ve helped him, with maybe the exception of Chaeyoung. I thought of Jin, Hoseok, Jungkook, Jimin, Yoongi and Joon. I thought of the way they moved around school like a unified group, making fun of anyone who wasn’t them and bullying people who got in their way, especially any other guy who dared look my way. Still, they wouldn’t have helped Tae commit flat-out murder, would they?

“Anyone at all?”

The detective’s voice brought me out of my thoughts. I shook my head. “No. No one.”

She sighed. “There’s something else. We’ve been trying to get ahold of Taehyung’s father, but he seems to be missing.”

“Missing?”

“Yes. He hasn’t shown up at his job at all in the past month and a half. His credit cards haven’t been used, either.”

“So?” I snapped. “The guy was an alcoholic, he could be holed up somewhere drinking himself to death.”

“Maybe so, but my guess is we’re going to find him in some abandoned building or maybe at the bottom of the ocean one day. Your boy, Taehyung? I’ll bet he’s the one who put him there.”

I slammed my palms on the table. “LIES!” I yelled. “He wouldn’t do that!”

“Wouldn’t he?!” Detective Kwak shouted, rising to her feet. “Tell me something right now, Y/n. Have you noticed him acting differently? Have you noticed any changes in his behavior?”

I immediately looked down at the ground. “No,” I muttered.

“I’m sorry, what was that?”

“I said, NO!”

“Enough with the lies!”

“I’m not lying! You are!”

The detective opened her mouth to retort, then thought better of it and sat down instead. “The evidence doesn’t lie, Y/n,” she said.

“Look,” I said. “If you want someone to put in jail, put me in jail. Taehyung’s gone through enough in his life. Please don’t put him through this.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

Tears welled up in my eyes and I put my hands over my face and began to sob. Detective Kwak stood up and came around to my side of the table before placing a hand on my shoulder. Once my sobs began to cease, she offered me a tissue. I wiped my eyes and blew my nose. “Thanks,” I muttered.

“Listen,” she said gently. “I’ve made arrangements for your aunt to come pick you up.”

I looked up at the detective in surprise. “My aunt?”

“Yes. Your mom’s sister. She’s filed to gain custody of you, and in light of recent events, a judge granted it to her.”

“Wait, my mom’s sister? I thought she lived in America.”

Detective Kwak’s mouth visibly tightened. “No, actually, she lives in Busan. Seems your mom kept that from you as well. Your aunt’s been trying to get in contact with you, Y/n. She says she sent letters.”

I stared at the wall across from me. Every limb, every nerve ending, every cell in my body was starting to go numb. It was all too much. My boyfriend was a murderer, my mom’s ex-boyfriend was dead, Taehyung’s dad was missing, and now all of a sudden I had a long-lost aunt who was now my sole guardian?”

“She’s very well off,” the detective continued. “She’s even offered to pay for your mom to get treatment in a rehabilitation facility. Whatever future you have with her is sure to be a bright one.”

“If you say so.”

“I know so. I’ve met her, only briefly, but she seems very nice.”

I let the silence grow between us, not bothering to give a response. The detective finally sighed and sat back down in her chair across from me. “Y/n, Taehyung is going to jail for a very long time. Maybe even for the rest of his life. I suggest you move on with your life. Move to Busan. You’ll attend a great school there, and probably university as well. You can start down an entirely new path.”

The memory of Taehyung’s handsome face swam before my eyes, his bright, boxy smile lighting my insides on fire the way it had for the past year and a half. “What if I don’t want to?” I whispered.

“Well… That’s up to you. But the sooner you move on, the sooner you’ll stop feeling this pain.”

Detective Kwak stood up, motioning for me to stand up as well. “Come on. Your aunt’s waiting.”

We exited the interrogation room, the skin on my face itchy and dry from crying. I knew I probably looked like a mess, but I didn’t care.

“Y/n!” a deep, familiar voice shouted. I froze in my tracks, slowly raising my eyes to his inky ones. He struggled in the grip of two cops, his hands handcuffed behind his back.

“Hey baby girl,” he said, smirking. “Nice of you to come visit me.”

“What the fuck is he doing here?” Detective Kwak hissed.

“You said to move him into the interrogation room.”

“While it’s still occupied?!”

“Don’t worry,” Taehyung quipped. “We can share, right baby?”

“Get him out of here!” Detective Kwak snapped. “Now!”

The cops shoved Taehyung towards the interrogation room. I turned to look at him, desperation clenching at my heart. I realized this might be the last time I saw him, the last time I would get to tell him something. Anything. My mouth opened but no words came out.

“Don’t worry, baby girl!” Taehyung shouted, lurching towards me. “I’ll get out someday! And I’ll come for you! I will always come for you!”

I shook my head and felt tears prick at my eyes once more as the police wrestled with him. “I love you, Y/n!” he shouted just before they shut the door on him.

“Sorry about that,” Detective Kim said, holding a hand to her heaving chest. “You weren’t supposed to cross paths.”

“It’s okay,” I murmured, and to my own surprise, I meant it. I was glad I saw him one last time. I realized, in that moment, that the blue-haired boy I once knew and fell in love with was completely gone. His eyes, which once held a spark of playfulness and mischief, now held nothing but misery and woe. He let his anger for the world overtake him, allowing it to blaze a path of self-destruction that I could no longer follow.

Maybe the detective was right. Despite the fact that Kim Taehyung was the love of my life, maybe, just maybe, it was time to move on.

Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

Part One is HEEEEEEERE! 😉

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the-hopeless-haze · 4 years

Text

Rebel Rebel (Part 1?)

Pairing: Janis Sarkisian/reader

A/N: okay this has been sitting in my drafts for months and I have no idea if I’m gonna continue this but fuck it???? Sorry for all the people who followed me for Barba lmao (I am continuing that don’t worry) but idk I just figured I may as well post this??? I have more of this written and I know how I wanted it to end but the middle is just not working and that’s why I never posted. But I just listened to Dead Girl Walking and I was reminded how gay I am for Barrett sooooo 😂 here you go? You’re welcome?? I haven’t edited this or looked at it since March so this may be a mess but... yeah

It was eighth grade, nearing the end of the year and you were anxious, unsure of why. Would your friends still be your friends next year? High school was going to be a lot different, you could just tell.

You saw your two best friends, Regina and Janis talking to each other down the hallway, where their lockers were, so you headed down there. Regina was probably inviting Janis to the end of year pool party she’d been planning. It was going to be so great to at least be with all your friends one last time, even if high school might take them away.

As you got within earshot, though, you realized Regina was being anything but nice.

“But are you a lesbian, Janis? I can’t have a lesbian at my pool party,” you hear Regina’s high pitched voice chirp. “You understand that, right?”

“Regina... I—“

“What? So are you?”

“Why are you asking me this? Did I do something?”

“I need to know. Don’t you get it? You not wanting to answer is pretty suspicious.”

“I am a space alien and I have four butts!” Janis yelled and ran down the hallway, leaving Regina to laugh. She makes eye contact with you. “Wow, I dodged a bullet with that, huh?”

“Why did you do that?”

“Don’t you get she doesn’t fit in? I mean, she likes girls, first of all. Second of all... she doesn’t get this stuff. Don’t you want to be popular in high school? I can get you there. We’re on top here. Everyone knows us. But this is child’s play.”

“But that was mean, Regina!” you said, your tone accusatory.

She shrugs her shoulders. “Sometimes you have to be mean to get what you want. And we’re not going to get it with her.”

“But she’s our friend!”

“Was...our friend. Don’t you care that she’s a dyke?”

You sighed, defeated. You wanted to tell her, no, you didn’t care... but you knew she’d stop being friends with you too. And her talk of being popular and being on top of the world... it sounded good.

You had many regrets about this day, and if everyone has a couple turning points in their lives, this was your first.

——

Regina was right, though. She got you everything you had thought you’d always wanted, but you never felt good enough and a lot of the time, you’re miserable. You’re constantly worried about your weight, whether you got enough instagram likes on your 1000th picture with the plastics, as you’d been dubbed, and whether or not you were dating one of the hottest guys at school.

Who would’ve thought the hottest guys were so dumb? You didn’t like any of them, really, and the second they asked to get in your pants, you dropped them like flies. So you’d gotten a rep for being somewhat of a prude, which Regina would sometimes scold you for.

Regina just got meaner as time went on, and sometimes you regretted not turning on her the first day she showed her true colors, when she’d sharpied all over Janis’s locker “SPACE DYKE” and even included it in the burn book she made over the summer once yearbooks came out. Regina would flirt with boys that she thought you or Gretchen liked, just to show you she could have them. Jokes on her, you didn’t like any of them, but you had to pretend or there wouldn’t be any gossip or any of the infighting that Regina seemed to love. It was the beginning of sophomore year now, and it was beyond exhausting.

And oh, the parties that started now! You hated them, just an excuse for everyone to get shitfaced and girls to make dumb decisions that made boys so happy even though everyone was too drunk to really remember them the next day. Regina is hosting one tonight, and here you are, in your skimpy, skin tight blue dress that you had to buy with babysitting money— since there’s no way in hell your mother would buy that for you. A sophomore hosting a party was unheard of, but Regina has a huge house and her parents went on vacation for their anniversary. She’d use whatever she could to her advantage.

All she wanted was to climb that ladder, and she didn’t care who got hurt in the way.

But here you were, dancing with the hockey player you were dating now... or was it football? You didn’t even care. You vaguely remembered his name was Mike and you told him you needed to go to the bathroom. You headed to Regina’s room and locked the door, thankful you got there early enough that there was no one trying to hookup.

You got lost in your phone for a while, and you found Janis’s Instagram profile. It was private, but there was her profile picture. She was so pretty now, not the awkward girl who tried to dye her hair blonde and wear pink just to fit in. She wore dark makeup in the picture and she wasn’t looking at the camera, and it fit her so much better. Even her hair, which she had let just grow out from the blonde she’d dyed it, looked great. You nearly send a follow request and then think better of it.

You remembered having hobbies, painting at Janis’s house until your hands were covered in paint, and you remember laughing so hard you couldn’t breathe.

Sometimes Regina was a good friend. Sometimes she was a great friend. She was there for you when your grandmother died over that first summer without Janis, and she held you while you cried... and you cried a lot. But sometimes she was mean to even you and it was exhausting. You know she cares about you, but you know she’d turn on you, too, if you gave her what she deemed enough reason to.

You can’t remember laughing like you used to in a long time. You can’t remember being passionate about anything for a while, either. The only time was in your classes, really, you loved chemistry but you had to keep it under wraps because if it got out you were too nerdy... well, that’s social suicide.

The thing about being a plastic was that you couldn’t be anything or do anything too extreme. You had to just be a shell of human being, a shell of a hot girl, just to appease everyone. The money you spent, or had your parents spend, on your bleach blonde hair and your makeup and your hot clothes and your nails and your purses and your shoes... and the hours you spent at the salon and the mall with Regina and Gretchen and Karen, it was completely exhausting. And then you weren’t allowed to have a personality outside of all of this, it was just, clothes! Makeup! Shoes! Boys! Parties! Popularity!

All things girls were supposed to care about, but really, there was no girl left in you to care anymore. You slip off your heels and lie down on the bed, remembering Regina holding you. That felt nice, her slender arms around you, her chin against your shoulder, and she smelled so good, like a hair salon and vanilla and cinnamon and... you just wanted to cry. Why couldn’t she be like that all the time?

The pillows smell like her shampoo and you inch up to place your head on them, ready to fall asleep, the bass from the speakers downstairs lulling you.

You awake twenty minutes later with your phone blowing up from Regina. “Where’d you go? Party’s not fun without you 😘” her most recent text said. Your eyes burn from the makeup you fell asleep in and you blink a few times before replying, telling her you were in her room and not feeling well.

“Bummer! I’ll be up in a few xo” she texts back.

You answer the door when she knocks, and you smile when she hugs you immediately. “(Y/n)! I’m sorry you’re sick! Did you drink something Kevin made? Because don’t.”

“No... I just... I don’t know. I’m sick of the parties,” you grumble as you pull away from the hug and sit back on the bed. She follows you, her pink dress clinging to her every curve, riding up a little as she sits down.

“Why?” She laughs. “This is what high school is about! You’ve gotta have fun. You’re only hot once.”

“But this... it’s not fun to me. It’s not fun to get wasted and have guys try and get in my pants and watch girls throw up.”

“But we can get everything we want. It’s what I always told you,” she says, rubbing your back, but her voice is hollow.

“I don’t have everything I want! I don’t even know what I want anymore, but I’m not happy. Are you? What are you getting out of this because I don’t understand.”

“Respect. Love. Fear. It’s all I ever wanted, really,” Regina says. “People either love me or hate me but they think about me. They think about you, too. Everyone who’s a sophomore knows us, and most of the upperclassmen do too. Doesn’t it feel good?”

You sigh. “I guess, sometimes, it does. But most of the time it doesn’t! I don’t like it, feeling like I have to do everything perfectly because everyone’s watching. And it’s only going to get worse because next year we’re juniors...”

“If it makes you feel any better, I’m not entirely happy either. I don’t like Jack.”

“Then why are you dating him?”

“Because. Free popularity and all I gotta do is be seen with him.”

“But... doesn’t he ask for more?”

She laughs. “Sure he does! But you have to be strategic with that.”

“Right..." you say, slightly sarcastically. You didn't really know what she meant.

Regina places a hand on your knee. “I know it’s been hard for you. But it’s going to be okay.”

“Do you wanna... just lie for a minute? I know you have to go back to the party—“

“No, I can stay for you,” she says, smiling softly. There was the Regina you wanted to be friends with all the time.

You both lean back on the bed, and her arms wrap around you tightly, her chin nestling on your shoulder. Here, you were happy.

“It’s all worth it, all the fighting to just get to the top to sit like this with you,” she says quietly. “We could never be made fun of for this because we can’t be touched.”

“What?”

“Don’t you get it? I... I don’t know how to say it. Just... trust me, okay?” You nod, not sure what she meant, but then she’s leaning over and turning your cheek toward her and she’s kissing you.

Regina George is kissing you.

It’s a quick peck, probably because she’s not sure how you’d react but it’s still the best kiss you’d ever had in your life. You don’t make any rational thoughts in the next few moments and you’re not sure if she kisses you again or you pull her back in, but all of a sudden she’s on top of you and kissing you harder, and slowly, the confusion sets in.

It almost feels too good to stop, but eventually your brain starts working again. “Regina... I... are you okay?” you ask as you pull away. “Are you drunk?”

“What? No. I wouldn’t get drunk at my own party, what kind of slut does that? No, (y/n)... I want you. Didn’t that feel good?”

“Yes... but... you kicked Janis out of the friend group for being a lesbian. Why would you do that if you were gay? You always said she had a crush on you. Why would that have been such a bad thing?”

Regina sighs and flops over to the other side of the bed. “I’m not gay. I mean. I don’t know. I definitely didn’t know back then but I knew Janis just didn’t fit in even if we took away all of the gay stuff. But if we talk about the gay stuff... then yeah. I was confused. Super confused. I didn’t know if I liked you or her and I knew I wasn’t supposed to like either of you. And then I saw the two of you together and you just... you had something I didn’t have, just genuine friendship, and maybe she had a crush on you. Either way I was jealous. And I had to get the two of you apart.”

“Regina... that’s awful,” you say.

“But then I tried to be nice to you! I just wanted to be friends. I mean, I didn’t think I wanted to sleep with you or anything. I just wanted to be friends. Karen and Gretchen are just stupid and I just don’t feel comfortable enough around them to be like this. To let go of the persona.”

“You haven’t been entirely nice to me, Regina. Plus you started this off by ruining my friendship with Janis.”

“I know. I shouldn’t have done that, but I was so... angry whenever she was around. I just... we could pass for straight. No one would know.”

“Regina... I can’t,” you say, biting your lip and trying not to cry.

“Do you... do you not like girls? Is that it? I’m so stupid,” she says bitterly.

“No, Regina, it’s not that, I mean... I don’t know if I do. But it’s just... I’m tired of living like this and I don’t want to have this secret to worry about. All we need is for Gretchen to find out...”

“But she wouldn’t. And even if she did, do you think she’d cross me? Cross us?” She grips your wrists. “Please.”

You start crying and you know you’re not going to be able to stop. If the circumstances were different, you’d love to date her. You think. “Regina. I don’t want to be popular anymore, and for that to happen, we can’t be friends and we... can’t do this.”

“But—“

“If you want to drop it... then... if you want to give up being popular, being fake... then... then yes. Come out. Apologize to Janis. But I’m leaving, and I’m not leaving with baggage.”

She nods. “I... I understand. It’s okay. But I need this! They’d tear me apart if I came out and I can’t be... I can’t be outcasted. I’m exhausted, too, you know? But it’s... it’s better than the alternative. I hope you don’t come to realize that.”

“Regina...”

“No, it’s fine. I really get it,” she says, smiling. “But I’m going to have to spread a rumor, something so they don’t question why you left the group.”

“I know. Just say I’m gay. It’s your trick.”

She starts crying then, sobbing, really, and your heart lurches. You lean over to hug her.

“You don’t have to be so mean.”

“Yeah. I do. Because if I’m not it’ll turn around on me. My mom... she’d never understand! I just... okay. I understand we can’t... be seen together if this is really what you want. But can you at least text me once in a while? So I know how you’re doing?”

“Of course,” you say. You hug her one last time, and she kisses your cheek. You leave the house with your head held high but your heart sinks as you realize this is the last time you’ll step foot in there.

——

Regina is meaner without you. She is hostile to Gretchen and Karen, and you can tell if they adored her at all before, that’s completely gone and they follow her out of fear that she’d make their lives a living hell.

Maybe it’s because she did go on and start the rumor you were a lesbian. Fair enough. You weren’t entirely sure about that label yet but it gave you enough freedom to maneuver this without having lame guys hit on you anymore. That may have stopped anyway since you weren’t competing with Regina for hottest in the sophomore class... but at least it stopped.

“So... looks like she did the same thing to you after all, bitch,” a female voice says as you slam your locker shut. You jump and look to your left to see Janis there... and your breath catches. She was all the more beautiful in person.

“Yeah,” you frown. “But hey... are you mad at me?”

Janis scoffs. “Kinda. But I know you weren’t to blame now. I mean, she did the same thing to you! And I hate Regina more than I could ever hate anybody. Also Damien made me talk to you.”

“Damien?” you ask. “Wait... that guy in musical theater?”

“Yes...” Janis says slowly. “How do you know?”

“He’s really good! I’ve gone and seen every play. Like, and sat in the back. But I’ve gone.”

“Wow. That surprises me. But you did used to love that sort of thing in middle school.”

“I think I made you listen to the Mamma Mia soundtrack at least 80 times.”

“Oh yes. Wait... did you know that they’re putting it on this year? It's the spring musical."

“What?”

“Yeah. Maybe you could audition now that the plastics aren’t holding you back. You have like one day to make up your mind though. I do scenery. Maybe I’ll see you around?”

“Where do you sit at lunch?”

——

It was an awkward reintroduction and the words are never spoken. Is Janis gay? More importantly, are you gay, or bi, or something? Does wondering if another girl is gay make you gay?

But aside from the utter confusion of possibly having a crush on your ex best friend, you’re enjoying life as an ex-plastic. You’re auditioning for the role of Donna, but even if you don’t get it you’re going to get a part since so few people actually signed up to audition. You’re drawing again, too, even if you were never as good as Janis.

Regina hasn’t texted you yet, but you’re thankful. If she did too soon you’d get pulled back from the progress you’ve made. But you’re also worried about her, and your heart lurches whenever you make eye contact with her at lunch and she looks away quickly.

But this was how life was going to be from now on, so it was time to get used to it.

#janis sarkisian #janis x reader #janis sarkisian x reader #janis ian #janis ian x reader #mean girls #mean girls broadway #mean girls bway #Yeah I made Regina gay #what about it???#that's my headcanon #no one in this musical is straight ok #idk i feel weird posting this but fuck ittttt

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sometimesrosy · 3 years

Note

I know this is just like a comparison and that we shouldn't do it, but! I've just finished reading From Blood and Ash, and I was completely amazed by it. When I was still in the middle of it, it somehow gave me the courage to be able to surpass my writer's block and begin my draft. Now, here comes the problem... today I realized something: the book was published March 2020, and the author claims she had the idea since 2016 but only started writing it in September 2019. (cont.)

(cont.) That's more or less 6 months between starting the 1st draft and publishing. I'm assuming there were edits done in the middle (I mean, all books do, don't they??) Imposter syndrome came up when I was still reading the book, my mind would ask how would I ever be able to write characters as good. But I persevered! It makes me happy to think of how fast things were for her, 5th book is on the way and it's been ~2 years, but at the same time it makes me nervous. Will I even finish my draft?

+++

All right, so I need to start off by saying I am NOT an expert in the publishing world. I don't know it. So I can't explain how that all worked for her. But, the pipeline from first draft to published book is shorter for an established author than it is for a new writer. In general, I mean, if they aren't suffering from writers block or are a slow writer to begin with, like GRR Martin. Or both. Idk why that book is not out yet.

But that author has... wait let me look it up. FIFTY SEVEN PUBLISHED BOOKS OUT.

!!!!

Since 2011!!!! That's almost 6 books a year. She's one of the people they joke about when they talk about YA writers putting out so many books.

Listen nonny. This lady is a speed writer. She's a power writer.

I know speed writers. I am one.

I ghostwrite contemporary romance novels, and in the last two and a half years, I have written something like 20 books. I'm not sure. I've lost count and they've all blurred together. They're shorter books, for sure but if you look at word count, it might be close to her writing speed. You might also consider the possibility that she's hired someone to help her write all those books. I don't know her writing, but she might have a ghostwriter either writing some of the books or helping her clean them up, she CERTAINLY has an editor working on the second drafts.

As a ghostwriter, I write ONLY the first draft. In fact, I just finished one/am finishing it TODAY. I started with an outline that I did in 2/3 days, then wrote 2-3k a day for 3-4 weeks. I have three days left to write the epilogue, then go over it to tighten and clean it up, then I'm done. I try not to have to write more than 3k a day, because for me it starts to get exhausting, although if I made as much money as that author does I'm sure it would lessen the exhaustion.

Writing at that speed is not normal. In order to write that fast, you have to be obsessive, you have to do it every day, you have to have a routine that works for you, you have to have a lot of practice writing, you have to be supremely confident in what you do. You have to BE a writer. As in that's your life and your identity and you have to commit a helluva lot of time to writing.

Okay, it is normal. It's within the parameters of normal writer human behavior, but it is 100% not necessary for writers and you also shouldn't expect it of yourself if you're still on your first book.

I personally feel that the writing suffers when you write that fast. It's hard to make the story deep and meaningful and the writing taut and zingy when you're zooming through the story. Also, she writes genre books, you see, and that means conventions and tropes, and she probably mixes and matches them. Tropey genre books can be SUPER fun books to read and write because we resonate with them easily because of the familiar tropes

She might also be naturally good at writing characters. That can happen. Where she just knows how to bring out that depth of character. She's probably written HUNDREDS of characters to get to that point. AHH. And she studied psychology in college. THAT'S why her characters are so good.

I'm looking at her wikipedia. She doesn't disclose her age, which makes me think she's older than you would expect which means she's been at this a long time. You don't know HOW long she's been writing, or how much she wrote BEFORE she got published or how fast she wrote when she first started out.

Let me use myself as an example. I started writing novels (SFF) with the intention of being an author when I was 15. I FINISHED my first complete draft of a novel at 25. It took me a year. (Lit fic)

It wasn't until I started Nanowrimo at 35 that I learned I could write 3k a day and therefore finish faster. That's when my writing (SFF) started picking up speed. Then I started writing fanfiction at 45 and dropped all the anxiety that I'd always attached to my writing which kept slowing me down. I started posting my fanfic as first draft, and didn't bother with the revision process that I used in my original fic. Then I realized that I could write fast and clean first drafts, so I applied to a company that does ghostwriting, and THEY asked me to write novels in 21 days. It's a push. I don't love the pressure of having to write that much every single day, but I do write fast and I love writing stories. When I don't write stories I started to get depressed. I DREAM in stories now. They're like novels and movies. It has soaked into my bones. I'm a sack of stories held together by tired muscles and skin and fueled by coffee and peanut butter apples.

In all that writing life, I got a HS diploma, a bachelor's degree in English and Creative Writing, a master's degree in Teaching, taught HS for five years, waited tables for something like ten years, got married, had two children, one of whom is ASD/ADHD/depressed, moved something like twenty times, three times across country, got divorced, got ptsd, came down with a chronic illness, and like, SO much more. Don't look to me for publishing advice, because I've come to realize that my undiagnosed ADHD has interfered with my executive function in JUST the way that makes publishing hard (organization, paper work, reaching out to people, summaries, query letters, ugh,) even while really making me a writing machine (hyper focus FTW.)

What am I trying to say to you?

FIRST: Don't compare your beginning stages to her mastery. You're starting out. She probably started out twenty years ago and has had twenty years to develop the skills to do what she does. Writing doesn't start when you write the first word and end when you write "the end." Writing starts YEARS before, in all the study and practice and training and words that no one ever sees.

SECOND: She didn't write this book in six months. You should have picked up on that when she said she's been developing this story since 2016. She's BEEN working on it. Even when not writing it. The planning has already been going on for years and she probably has put a LOT of effort into those characters that you think just poofed into being in six months. She had it in her head, and in her notes, and in her plans WAY before starting writing.

THIRD: Everyone's writing process is different and every book you write also happens differently. Just because she did her first draft in a month or two or six and you haven't finished yours yet doesn't mean you can't. You have to COMMIT to finishing it, and frankly, that's what happened to me with my first finished draft. I was afraid I would NEVER finish that book, so I made a commitment to sit down at the same time every day and write until I was done. I think I started with a page a day, then slowly worked up to three pages a day and every once in a while hit ten pages. That was before I used word counts. And before 2k a day was my favorite daily goal. You can WORK up to writing fast, although you don't need to. You just need to sit down and commit to finishing.

FOURTH: Don't worry about speed unless you have a deadline. Don't despair because a professional speed writer at the height of her career can pump books out. Be your OWN kind of writer. Just keep moving forward. And when you finally hit "THE END" celebrate. Then work on revision. A totally different experience.

#writing advice #rosy writes #speed writing #power writing #writing process #do not compare #just keep writing #just keep swimming #turtle writers #listen writing fast isn't necessarily better than writing slow #figure out what your writing process is and learn to trust it

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dannydouni · 4 years

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I got tagged by @faceless-dude for smth. And like. All I want to say is that you so much. Cuz I’ve had this sitting in my drafts for months and I didn’t know when would be a good time to post it. Or like update it or like just when I should do anything with it. So yeah. Thank you so much for helping me get the chance to post this :)))

“I’ve had this in my drafts for some time now probably since the Canadian thanksgiving and like only touched on it a few times, and well I never got to post it cuz I got well uuuhhh... shy I guess and at that time a lot of things were going down and stuff. And because of that I just felt like it had no meaning whatsoever anymore. So I thought I’d edit it a bit so it fits better and so I can finally post it and stuff.... sometimes it’s nice to get something out there after having it written down for so long. And well what better time to post it than now XD on New Years!. Anyways here it goes”

Hey guys, friends especially, ITS A NEW YEAR!!!!!! I just wanted to pop in and say that...well...thank you. And while I don’t really mean this directly to anyone so far (details for ppl that I know on this app will be written later on in this post). I know it’s usually super cheesy and just cringe and stuff but I honestly couldn’t care less about that stuff when it comes to the people close to me and to the people I love and care about. So I would like to take this opportunity to thank y’all. First and foremost. What the actual fuck guys. Why lmao. Out of everyone in this world you bunch picked the weirdest, ugliest and just straight up stupidest dude out there to be friends with XD, y’all do know there was much better than this out there right XD. I legit have no competition since I’m just so bad LOL. But still, for some reason, with all the shit I just listed y’all still decided it was a good idea to be friends with me. Y’all still decided it would be a great idea to stick with me up until now. Y’all still decided that I could belong with other people that I could fit it with you guys. That I could.... have genuine, real and just straight up amazing friends. I have absolutely no fucking clue how this turn of events happened. But I can say this with full certainty. You guys have changed my life. You guys are probably the main reason I’m still kicking around to this day lol. You guys are the reason I keep going and keep living and just keep enjoying the tiny gifts that life has to offer sometimes instead of pain XD. I still don’t and probably will never understand why or how god or life decided to be nice to me the few times I met one of you but I’m honestly so eternally grateful that I just... I have no words almost.... I just don’t know what to say sometimes. It’s honestly so out of this world how amazing and nice some of you are even tho I’m like the complete trash of this world XD. In all honesty.... without you guys I’d probably not even be here lmao... I’d probably would’ve just went on with my life with nothing to wish or hope for other than for the next day to pass even quicker than the last.... or just for days to just over as soon as they start... I won’t say more cuz that’s shit is personal and I’m not about to write that in public 😎. But like I know for sure that without you guys. I would not be here right now. So thank you. Thank you for everything. Thank you for all the memories you’ve given me, the countless nights you’ve made me die of laughter, The countless times you’ve made me choke and almost die from how funny something would be, the countless times you’ve made me think “damn I don’t ever want to wake up from this dream if this is not real”. Just thank you, for talking to me, for letting me vent, for letting me be there for you when you were there for me, for being my rock to lean on, for helping me go through the toughest of times like if it was a normal day. Thank you guys so much for treating me like an equal, for being friends with me, for playing with me, for inspiring me, for teaching me new things and helping me with anything I could ever ask for. Thank you guys so much, and while words will never be able to fully explain what I fully mean or what I fully feel. But I hope that this at least will give you an idea of how greatfull I am for you guys... i hope this will show you how thankful I am for you guys. I love you guys so much that the word love just can’t even express how much you guys truly mean to me. You guys have changed my life for the better and even tho I will probably never be able to repay that I’m hoping that I can do something to at least return how much y’all have done for me. And even tho a lot of the people I mean by this message are not on Tumblr I have a few that are and it is for that reason that I will thank you and write something for you guys here too. So here is the part for the specific people.

@frogb, Genny :)

Genny :D

GENNYYYYY >:D

Good God..... how are you even real XD well to start off, a quick intro :).... probably my only irl friend that is actually active on this app and of course MY BEST FRIEND FOREVER IN THE WORLD AND THE #1 PERSON IN MY LIFE >:), I want to take this opportunity to just thank you again (I know I’ve said a a bunch of times and you probably hate me for saying it a lot XD, that along with sorry :(((( I can’t really control that Lmao but I’m getting better at it right :D). You....you’re my best friend :)... you have changed my life for the better way too many times cuz. I’ve honestly lost count dude. I’ve lost count. I just want you to know that even tho I said that the first thing I wrote on this post was meant for a bunch of people. I was really mainly thinking about you when I wrote it. Ever since you’ve been part of my life. You have made sure to change it completely. And only for the good and for the better. I don’t think you have a genuine idea of how much you’ve changed my life and how much you’ve made me happy :)... thank you Genny thank you so much for being the best thing to ever happen to me. Genny you truly are the best most amazing, kindest, nicest, loveliest, most wonderful, most talented person I’ve ever met. Look I won’t write my full thing here since...well I’ll say the rest to you directly. But well .. Genny... I love you... I love you so fucking much alright :D thank you for being the highlight of my life. Thank you for being you Genny and thank you for being here for me and just being my best friend in the world :)

@ritsu-in-a-maid-dress , heyyy duuuudee buddy chum buddy pal XD (don’t ask lmao), I know we like met only a few weeks ago actually idk maybe at the point when I actually decide to post this it’ll be months or like a year 😳 (and if it is HOLY SHIT WTF I HOPE I ACTUALLY TOLD YOU SOMETHING IN THAT TIME CUZ DAMN) and well so far, you have been nothing but an amazing, way too nice, handsome friend that has somehow probably one of the sweetest hearts out there. You’re actually so fucking funny and have made my day much better sometimes just from the very few talked we’ve had lmao (correction now it’s actually been quite a few 😳and honestly they’re getting to much better and funnier so thank you so much for making me laugh :D (oh and I will never forget that one call we had for 3 FUCKING HOURS DUDE!!!! THAT WAS AWSOME!!!) ) and while at first I was very shy to even talk to you. I’m happy that I can comfortably say hi without any regrets or anything lmao. I will tell you something I’m very thankful for in dm too cuz it’s kinda private :) so yeah.... thank you so much for being you and being my friend :D

@quellfy yoooooo duuuudde I don’t think we’ve ever really interacted on here but I’ve talked to you on the server and well I can know from there that. You’re just such an amazing and kind person. And that every time we talk I have a great time :)) I don’t know a lot about you but I do know that you’re an amazing artist who has amazing art (yes even when it’s not sad “pointing at alluka in snow drawing” amazing) and that you’re such a kind and I nice human being who’s been just super nice and good to me :)) so thank you. For being my friend and for being such an amazing human being :D

@faceless-dude yooooo I don’t think we’ve properly talked before but like :))) I really think you’re an amazing person and just super talented. Your art is something I’ve never seen before and I really really think it’s unique and just amazing. Thank you for your wonderful wishes. And yeah dw. I plan on keeping that promise >:) Gen will get her booties kicked just like you asked XD

@kur-upira we probably only interacted a few times. But in those few times. I could tell what kind of person you are and how much of an amazing person you are :D. I can tell you that just from those few times. I was able to see how much of a beautiful, talented (yes holy shit. I cannot stress this enough. I love your artstyle and good god it’s so good everything from the actual drawings to the shading to the colouring. It’s amazing dude. I really mean that. It’s one of the most unique and most beautiful artstyles I’ve ever seen), friendly and just amazing human being you are :))) thank you for those few interaction (which probably took me whole days to respond to because of anxiety and bs XD sorry about that lmao) and yeah. I would absolutely love to get to know you better and to interact more with each other :D

@starrynarwhale, I know we like pretty much only interacted like twice with each other but from those few times. I knew that you were a wonderful person :) not just an amazing person. But a very talented one too :D (your art is amazing dude. It’s really great. Not only that but like. Can I just say that. Your frog gon fridays are godly dude. They’re always so fucking cool and wholesome 🥺🥺I love them so much. Amazing) you seem like a very kind and amazing person so yeah :)) I’d love to get to know you better :D

@catboyyouko yooooo. I know we probably have only interacted once but let me tell you dude. You’re a wonderful, amazing, nice, kind and extremely talented human being. (Dude you don’t understand. Your art is fucking amazing. Not only that but your comics are so goddamn great too. Not just in an art way but in a story way too. It’s just always so amazing) oh and also like... I see that you vent a lot and stuff and just wanted to let you know that if you ever needed someone to talk to or vent to. I’m here for you. I feel like you’re such an amazing person and I would love to get to know you better :) so yeah. If you ever need anyone to talk to. I’m here alright :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE. I LOVE YOU ALL SO FUCKING MUCH

And if I didn’t @ you I promise It’s just cuz I’m too scared to bother you and @ Ing this many ppl has already made my anxiety skyrocket.

#sorry for @ing so many of you #I love you all so much #and I hope to get to know all of you better if I don’t already :)#thank you all for being part of my life #and for making my life so great

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clevercatchphrase · 5 years

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2019 year in review

So… The 2010’s are almost over. Huh. What a decade it’s been. Hard to comprehend how much has changed in 10 years. I can barely believe that I was in high school at the beginning of this decade, and now I’m a college graduate with 2 degrees who’s been working at the same job for the last 3 years. But trying to summarize the past 10 years in a single post is a good way to give myself an existential crisis, so let’s not do that! Instead, let’s just focus on 2019 because there has been more than enough shit that’s happened to me in this year to talk about.

PART 1 OF 2: 2019 AND 2020 GOALS AND RESOLUTIONS

Huh, looking back through my archives, I apparently didn’t make a tumblr post about my goals this year. I definitely had some, though. Lemme list ‘em off real quick, and then we’ll go through them point by point.

1) Pay off all my student loans 2) Finish some song comics 3) Make art for my Redbubble account 4) Finish the first rough draft/script of a game I wanted to make 5) Practice ASL 6) Sew some stuffed animals 7) Finish some fan fictions 8) Work on Ghost Switch 9) AMVs 10) Do some original writing 11) Make illustrations for my fan fictions

Okay, first off, the student loans. I was actually SO CLOSE to successfully completing this one bUT THEN MY CAR HAD TO BE A WHINEY PISS BABY AND HAVE ITS ALTERNATOR DIE ON ME WHILE I WAS ON THE HIGHWAY AND THEN A BLOW OUT THREE WEEKS LATER.

GOD, if I had to summarize this year in two words, for me it would be “Car troubles”. I swear I spent more on auto repair in the first third of this year than I ever have just freakin’ OWNING a car. All four of my tires had to be replaced, my alternator failed and my car literally just SHUT OFF while I was driving, and I was barely able to coast into a gas station. Both my front breaks and rear breaks were worn down the metal and I only learned this when my car was barely able to stop after I had to slam the petal down full force! I went in for an oil change, and they found some problems and then I didn’t get my car back for three days! I don’t even like owning a car! I hate driving! I hate my country’s refusal to provide universal, free public transportation! I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS!

Oh-kay… number 2. Finish some song comics. I didn’t finish any. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t work on them. I have made tiny progress, but that’s certainly better than no progress. One of these song comics I hope to be realizes is going to be a collab with one of my friends. It’ll be a long-time coming as it’s pretty low priority for the both of us, but if anyone else out there was disappointed with KH3’s ending, we’re gonna have ya’ covered… With SONG!

3. Make some redbubble art. I actually did this one! Not in the way I expected, but I added (technically) 3 new designs to my redbubble in the middle of the year. If you like butterflies and dragons, I got some product for you~!

Number 4, finish a script for a game I want to make. I… thought about this. I thought about this a lot, but I never put pen to paper, so… oops. It almost happened! I debated making this my main writing project for NaNoWriMo this year, but ended up having more inspiration for another story. Maybe next year? (god, I hope not. I don’t want to wait a full year just to write something)

Number 5, practice ASL. I just straight up didn’t do this and I only have myself to blame. Still keepin’ up that Danish Duolingo streak, though. 4 years going strong and not a day missed yet.

Number 6, sew some stuffed animals. Again, another one I just straight up didn’t do, but I have an excuse of trying to save money while my car crashed and burned in every other sense except literal this year. Hopefully 2020 will be different. I’ll definitely be able to pay off this last loan within the first half of 2020, and then I can start saving for whatever I want to buy.

Finish some fan fictions was number 7, and I did this! Well, I only finished, 1, but it was a story I’ve been working on for over 3 years, and it came out to over 200 THOUSAND words long, which is the longest thing I’ve ever written, and I’m quite proud of myself. Now that the big story is out of the way, and I’ve gotten into a good rhythm of working on Ghost Switch, maybe I can squeeze in some short writing sessions more frequently. (either that, or just wait for my car to break down again and then go on a writing spree in a pepboys. The lord and the fan fic discord know that’s solely why I finished my other fic this year)

Speaking of Ghost Switch, working on it was a goal this year too, and I did that! I kept it up all year and took a vacation in November and it was wonderful. While the major plot points have been in place since before I started drawing, I still need to script each arc beyond Snowdin, but hey, by the time we get there, it’ll be 2022 so I got time. (Note, don’t do this, kids. Script your stories and comics thoroughly before publishing. The road I’m on is paved with misery and pain and it will only end in tears unless I change lanes soon)

Number 9, amvs. Do people make AMVs anymore? Idk… the last one I made was... Jesus, 5 years ago? (it was a gravity falls/fall out boy crossover, if you were curious) I’ve been wanting to do 2 more for just as long, but in order for me to do that, I’d have to spend time re-watching the shows to find the footage, and then actually edit them together, and I just don’t…. feel like it. Maybe someday, but not any day soon.

10; do some original writing. I did this! For nanowrimo! I wrote the first draft of some original fiction I’ve been planning for a year or two now and it completely sucks! But it’s on paper now and I’m happy. Will I revise and edit it? Sure, but not for a while. I want to let it sit and forget about it and look at it with new eyes months from now so I can be sure I can make it better when time comes to rewrite.

11, make illustrations for my fan fics. Now that You Monster is done, I want to go back and add pictures to it. I didn’t do any this year, but I did keep a list of scenes I wanted to draw, so I have plenty of ideas to do as warm up sketches next year~ I kinda want to stream them~

So, that was 11 goals, and I successfully fulfilled 4 of them! That’s! Not a very good ratio… QmQ So, goals for 2020. Some I’m gonna keep from this year, some I’m gonna drop and some I’m gonna add. In short I would like to,

1) Finish paying off that last student loan 2) Put more stuff on my redbubble 3) Illustrate my own fan fics 4) Sew at least one stuffed animal 5) Make an enamel pin 6) Read one new book a month 7) Write one page a day/Complete at least one new fan fic 8) Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make 9) Finish fully scripting Ghost Switch 10) Boost my patreon

Most of these I think are pretty self-explanitory, but I’ll go into detail just a bit because I’m on a roll and typing my thoughts helps me feel less alone in the middle of the night when you’re super tired and you know you should probably go to sleep, but the toddler in you is throwing a tantrum and doesn’t wanna go to sleep just yet, but you can’t fight the progression of time either way.

Number 1- I should be able to reach this goal by the end of March. End of June at the absolute latest. Once that goal is met, my secret new year’s resolution will be unlocked as well!

Number 2- I want to put more art of my OCs on redbubble. These OCs are tied to the game I want to make. There’s already some art of them up there, but I want at least one piece for each character.

Number 3- Mostly for You Monster. Embrace the cardinal rule of fan fic and apply it to fan art. If you want to read about see art about certain ideas, scenarios, or what-ifs, you gotta make it yourself.

Number 4- I have 3 potential ideas to sew. One is definitely leagues easier than the other two and will probably be chosen if/when I have the time and materials.

Number 5- This year I got really, REALLY into the idea of making enamel pins. Unfortunately it’s a pretty big investment (like, $350 to make 100 pins you might not even sell). If this happens, it’ll probably be towards the end of the year, and if I get enough interest. I’m currently torn between making an original enamel pin and one based off Undertale. We’ll just have to see where this goes.

Number 6- Back in 2018 when I paid off one of my many student loans, I rewarded myself by spending over 200 dollars in used books. All these books had a theme; they were focused on dragons because I have a problem. I have not yet read a single one of these books I have bought, and I would like to fix that. I have, like, 20 unread dragon books, and even if I only read 12 out of 20, I would consider that an amazing accomplishment and money well spent.

Number 7- I currently have about 8 different WIPs I could work on. (well, I don’t know if I can even call them wips. More like, a general idea and a title written down.) I want to build good writing habits, and if I can write just 200 words a day, hell, even 200 words a week and just one of my 8 stories done, I would consider this goal met.

Number 8- I’m torn between making my game in unity or ren’py. I know jack shit about both. Ren’py is more user friendly, but unity will allow me more customization. (Lol, can you guess what kind of game I want to make yet?)

Number 9- I really just want the full story to be done and written incase anything goes horribly terribly wrong in my life and I find myself unable to continue making ghost switch in comic form. Then at least I can finish the story by other means, you know?

Number 10- It always surprises me every month when I get that patreon email saying I got paid. Sure, I don’t even make double digits on it, but it still awes me enough to know that people out there like my work enough to throw me a tip. I can’t thank my patrons enough for supporting me and I hope to one day be in such a good place I can update my comic/song comics/writing frequently enough without need for goals or milestones. But until that magical day arrives, money is always a great incentive for anything, I suppose. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ALRIGHT. PART 2 OF 2: SHIT THAT HAPPENED TO ME IN 2019

Cheesus crust what a year. This year started off great! Back in late January Kingdom Hearts 3 FINALLY released, and let me tell you a little story. Back in the summer of 2006 I was a 13 year old middle schooler with no way of making money other than by doing house hold chores at a rate of 25 cents a task. A few weeks ago, I had a sleep over at a friend’s house and they let me play this weird game called “Kingdom Hearts” and god, I was instantly hooked on it. That summer, I did over 800 chores, enough to earn myself 200$ and buy myself a playstation 2 (just in time for the ps3 to come out, gg me) The only games I had for the ps2 were KH1, 2, Re:CoM and Okami, and I beat them all… except Okami. Miffed that the PS3 wouldn’t allow for backwards compatibility, little 13-year-old me made a promise. I looked myself in the mirror and said “I will not buy the next playstation console until KH3 comes out, AND BOY that was probably a good choice for me to make with my level of gaming. I’m even less of a casual gamer than the average casual gamer, but I have been waiting 13 years for this piece of closure, and I even told my friends and family that “the day Kingdom Hearts 3 comes out is the day I will buy a playstation 4”. My dad apparently thought this was the funniest shit, because he literally took the day off from work that Friday to drive me on base to get the game and console (he thought it would be less crowded than a regular walmart, I suppose). I paid $400 on a ps4 pro while he bought me the game. Again, I have an impecible sense of timing seeing as the PS5 is now right on the horrizion, but just like before, I’m not buying a new console until the next KH game is released. See you in 2045, sony~. While I was at the gamestop on base, I also picked up Okami HD and The Last Guardian. For all of February and even early March, I took my time playing through KH3. And…! It was the best disappointment I’ve ever played. After a month away from gaming, I started The Last Guardian and finished it in a couple weeks. I love trico and would die for him, but trying to get 100% completion on that game is udder insanity. Okami, HD, however… again after a month break after finishing TLG, I started replaying Okami. I think I had only managed to get about halfway through the game before I just… stopped playing it on my ps2 version. I am currently SO CLOSE to getting a 100% on the ps4 version. In fact, I’ve beaten the game. I only (techinically) need 2 more trophies to be done; 1st, escape the water dragon without being eaten, 2nd, I need to beat that dumb stupid race with Kai, in order to get the last bead on my rosary, as well as the top dog trophy. I hate her so much. I hate this race so much. It’s awful and bad.

Flash forward to December! Earlier this month I was at Barnes and Noble, buying myself a planner for 2020. I exit the store and notice that there’s a gamestop across the street. For shits and giggles I go inside to look at their game selection, and I find KH 1.5 and 2.5. Now, my PS2 died a few years back (it just won’t read my discs anymore, I don’t know why) and I haven’t been able to replay any of my other kingdom hearts games since. If you had seen me the day I finished kingdom hearts 3, after the ending credits rolled, you would have heard me say “Man…. I wish I could play kingdom hearts 2 again”. AND NOW I CAN, ALONG WITH BBS which I had never even played yet, but knew the story of. I’ve restarted playing kh1, and I was so happy to hear that familiar music when I booted the game up for the first time. While at the game stop, I also picked up Rime and Tearaway, two games that had looked interesting to me. At the time of writing, I’ve finished Rime and am 25% done with tearaway. Rime was…. An interesting experience. I learned about it through Jacksepticeye’s channel a couple years back and thought the art style was enticing. For a super casual gamer like me, I found the puzzles just the right level of challenging and exploring was a blast! The music gave me VERY strong Princes Mononoke vibes, but the overall story left something to be desired. Overall I had fun, and enjoyed completing this game to 100%. Now for tearaway. Can I just say this game is super fucking adorable? I know the original was on the ps vita and the gameplay there was arguably more diverse and imaginative, but this game is just so fucking cute I don’t care?? ALSO, this game’s sound track is ABSOLUTELY incredible and I’ve only heard the first fourth of it! Listen to The Orchards, Pig Riding, and Gibbet Hill Pilgrimage for a taste of their wonderful beats and fantastic use of string and woodwinds! God, I’m so excited to get some more games in 2020. I’m proud to say I currently own more ps4 games than I ever did with my ps2 (and now the majority AREN’T Kingdom Hearts titles!), and I’m still hoping to play Journey, The Witness, and Abzu before everything becomes ps5.

What else happened to me this year. Oh, I went to a doctor for, like, the first time in seven years. I also had my blood drawn for the first time ever, and the nurse said the most disturbing thing to me while she did it. Now, whenever I get shots, I refuse to look. I did that here. So she thought it would be appropriate to say to me “Can you feel your blood leaving your body?” Lady… You can clearly see I am uncomfortable with what is happening here. Why, of all the things you could say, did you choose to say that. Unfortunately, while my doctor is nice, she keeps wanting to run tests on me, that I just cannot afford with my current salary, and my monthly insurance is about to go up to 200$ a month, so I’ve cancelled my next appointment with them, and don’t plan to go back until it’s absolutely necessary. Capitalism is fun, guys. Preventative healthcare is for wusses.

I started going to a chiropractor on a monthly basis. Story time- I don’t know when it started, but sometime late last November I began to notice that I had a headache that just... wasn’t... going away? And each day it was starting to get a little worse. It made it hard for me to find a comfortable position to sleep, it made it hard for me to be in bright areas or move fast. So I said to myself “Okay, if this headache persist through the month of december, then something is proooobably wrong and I should go see someone about it. And hoo-boy were thing wrong with me. By the time this January rolled around, I couldn’t even stay on my feet for more than a few hours without it physically hurting to just BREATHE. So I started going to this chain called The Joint (A+ name, I know). THey aksed me “How are you doing?” I said “I’m in pain” and they said “We can help fix that!”. I’ve only been to a chiropractor once before in my life a few years back after my freshmen year of college because I began to notice my hips weren’t able to support me? LIke, I would lie on my back, and I couldn’t push my hips up when my feet were flat on the floor. I also couldn’t climb anything steep, because my legs just couldn’t push me up if my knee had to bend more than 90 degrees when I lifted my leg up. (Turned out both my hips were apparently out of place). This time only one of my hips were out of place (which they fixed. they said one of my legs was an inch “longer” than the other because I had been leaning all my weight on one leg when I stand). But two of my ribs were apparently “Stuck” which was why it was hurting for me to just breathe, and one of my shoulders was missaligned too, causing one of my trap muscles to constantly be streched, which was pulling on my skull, and causing the headache. Anyway, after they popped all my bones back into place, I still felt terrible, but by god, that night was the first time in weeks I was able to sleep without a migrane. A chiropractor can’t magically heal your arthritis, or fibro, but I definately think they have merit to keeping your posture good and helping your body with things like circulation. 10 outa 10, would recomend. It’s all the fun of getting your neck snapped without the dying!

Earlier this month I got together with two of my friends and we baked Christmas cookies. It was a lot of fun, as well as a great learning experience. A member of my family has a gluten allergy, so we used rice flour for most of the cookies. We learned this is a bad idea! The cookies will just fall apart! A few member’s in one of the friend’s family have nut allergies. Other friend and I knew this and were careful to avoid cookie recipes with nuts, bUT THEN COMPLETELY FORGOT THAT ALMOND MILK AND ALMOND EXTRACT COUNT AS NUT. IN FACT, ALMOND EXTRACT IS PURE CONCENTRATED NUT JUICE AND WE FELT SO BAD FOR ALMOST ACCIDENTALLY POISONING THE FAMILY.

Earlier this year me and these same friends took a field trip to Hobby Lobby and just dicked around the store for a couple of hours. It was super fun, 11 outa 10, would recommend, a great date idea for your artsy S.O.

Back in May I went to a wedding for the first time in my life. (well, not true, but the first one I could remember) we left at 5am, drove 5 hours to get there, hung out at a zoo and spent the night in a la quinta before the wedding day. I slept on the bathroom floor because my mom was snoring too loud in the main room and keeping me awake, and the rest of the day was just spent me trying to keep myself together because I was pissed off and tired.

Other than all of that, nothing really major happened to me this year. I guess one more thing I’ve tried to do this year is started the process of breaking certain internet addictions so I can use my free time for more personal projects. Seriously, I found myself watching way too much youtube and following blogs that didn’t even make me happy. I had a personal intervention with myself where I sat down and asked myself, “why do you watch these videos and youtubers? Why do you follow these blogs? Do you really enjoy their content? Do you really care? If you stopped watching/following them, would you even notice?” After critically thinking it over, I’ve found myself unfollowing several channels and blogs and suddenly I feel so much happier. I thought I would miss it, but I realized I didn’t really care if I saw their content or not. I wasn’t missing much. And now I feel like I have more time to draw, read and write. If you think you spend too much time consuming and not enough time creating, I suggest you try and de-clutter your internet habits as well. It’s done wonders to un-fuck my headspace.

And… well, that about sums up my year. How are your holidays going? Anything fun, exciting, dramatic happen to you this year? I hope your new year is warm and safe! Good night, everybody!

#new year's resolutions #year in review #long post #(seriiously this think is like 3k words)

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minchiutau · 5 years

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QUARTET NIGHT LIVE FLY TO THE FUTURE 2018 Report (Day 1&2)

Most details are from 1st day because we usually can’t see 1st day performances except for MC in DVD/BD anyway so i tried to focus on writing details of performance from 1st day more than 2nd (tho in term of perf there weren’t many differences) It contains most of the MCs and my thoughts about it!

Warning: Both reports and translations of the dialogue ARE not 100% accurate. It’s based on what i and my friend remembered and took notes of. The post is extremely long! And i spent tons of time typing this so there might be a lot of grammar and typing errors. I’d be happy if you would overlook all of my mistakes here!

Edit: Let me apologize for the extreme delay.. I actually had this finished a week after it happened, and i was probably super tired when i finished it. I’m not sure how that happened, but apparently i didn’t post it and this had been sitting on my drafts for six months because i went on a hiatus afterwards.... I realized it after opening tumblr a day ago. I was super sad because it was so long and i spent tons of time writing it.. if possible i don’t want to delete it so here it is!

Opening lines by QN members

Opening VTR, there isn't anything like last QN live but it was visual picture slideshow of previous live and it shows how QN has been around since 2012~now. QUARTET★NIGHT instrumental was playing on the background.

Followed with clock'tick tock sound, bell rang and the main stage monitor was split into two and QN appeared with gold stage outfit and big clock on the background! Tattsun and Morikubo had similar hairstyle to the previous live with minor change (styling?) while maenu had brown hair tied like in 6th live melting of snow performance and shoutan with ai's hairstyle+hair color (bleached in some parts, not entirely but it looks really nice!)

1. THE WORLD IS MINE I actually guessed this would be the first song and i was right! It started with really pretty acapella ;;_;; THEIR HARMONIES WERE PERFECT IT WAS LEGENDARY like it was probably one of the best harmonization i've heard in my life (if previous live wasn't enough) I kinda forgot what happened during this performance because i was too amazed by how good they sang tbh. Pretty sure people know how good QN harmonize, but this one was especially good! If i remembered it right, there were some dance moves! The audience also sang "The world is mine!" part in the bridge, it was fun! I literally cried the moment they appeared i can’t remember much AHAHA //sweats

2.Poison KISS As soon as the intro started people around me went crazy with their screams xD It's more or less similar to what we've seen in previous lives. Do they have any tradition bc they always sing this song since 3rd live xD Except of course, they were dancing a lot more now and this song is actually one of the good example of their improvements! This song is still as hyped as always. They walked from the main stage to the front stage and during that they also did some poses and fanservices

MC (or not really since they were talking in character voice the whole time? kinda like opening serifu) Maenu: *Camus butler mode* Welcome to "QUARTET NIGHT LIVE FLY TO THE FUTURE" ladies and gentlemen. I'm Camus and let us enjoy tonight together. *Camus usual mode change* Or did you really think i'd say that, you peasant?! Be sure to follow us to the end. (In 2nd day camus didn't say the peasant thingy tho idk why) Shoutan: I'm Mikaze Ai. I'll make it a fun and dokidoki live until the end! *throw kiss* Tattsun: It's Kurosaki Ranmaru! It's finally our rocking time! Let's enjoy it till the end! Morikubo: Rei-chan’s the one left here~! My girl and my boy!! It's okay for Rei-chan to start first, right~?! and it went right to the next song

3. On Your Mark! I personally thought that this song sounds hard to sing (maybe bc of the key progression??) but Morikubo did great! His singing was super stable and consistent, as usual. He danced A LOT more on this one! Probably the most i've seen from reiji's solo so far! And he did super great! ;; It’s similar to the perf he had in 6th live except i think he did even better this time!! He must've worked really hard! He forgot a bit of his part in 1st day xD but he recovered right after!

4. Futari no Monogram I HAD FEELING THIS WOULD COME bc it was the only ai's solo shoutan didn't sing in QN 1st solo con.. and I definitely saw improvements! He was dancing (almost) all of the time and but he sounded A LOT more stable than 5th live (and i think 5th live was already great) it looked so easy for him xD But all in one it's similar to the one we've seen previously, except i think there were some additional moves? (Edit: many parts are entirely different too) In the end shoutan also said "Da~isuki" like 5th live, except it was in a bit more playful tone (kinda teasing tone?) Overall i think he did even better than 5th live! He also did some fanservices and i personally like the part where he fixed his silver gloves.

5. Saintly Territory Maenu appeared with his (this time a bit thin?) white mantle and did the dance like in previous live! Same with shoutan, i think he improved a lot with his singing stability and this time it sounded extremely stable and he looks a lot more relaxed with his dancing too!;; I really love how they keep on improving even tho they were already that good to begin with. He came to from main stage to front stage and suddenly he appeared with camus' stick from halfway and danced with it! xD He danced a lot! I’m not sure if it’s in this song or not but if i remember it right on first day, he also gave us a fanservice of him smirking in front of the camera and people went crazy over it (i mean, me too AHAHA)

6. BE PROUD Remember how legendary 6th live performance of this song was? Yeah, this time it was equally amazing. He appeared with stand-mic and it was a straightforward+simple performance, yet his singing was really amazing i kinda stopped swinging penlight.. The adlib on the bridge was really powerful and it just hit me hard i almost teared up ;; On last reff he went down on his knees and made really pained expression ;; in general he had pained expression on his face and it made me emotional.. also the trademark super-long notes in the end was also there, it was just amazing! I got chills. Personally i like last reff "hoeru shika naku (I have no other choice but to howl)" because he sounded like he was actually howling. BUT SERIOUSLY it was extremely emotional, both days were powerful and all in one it’s just simply amazing. Fight me you don’t like Ranmaru and tattsun after you listen to this performance AHAHA

The screen suddenly said "Acoustic corner, Reiji Camus", Morikubo and Maenu appeared with long sleeves shirt. Morikubo (reiji's) was black (with stage-like vest?) and maenu was white (with blue tie).They greeted the hall and live-viewing audience. Maenu wore camus' glasses. They said they were doing something new, which was acoustic corner! The band (?) was preparing on their back while they were doing the MC. Chairs were also prepared for them and they talked while sitting on it, also telling the audience to sit throughout acoustic performance.

Day 1 They talked about there weren't many chances to have only the two of them on MC and how rehearsal have passed in a blink of eye. It seemed like they were doing it under a lot of pressure (considering last live extreme high quality i'm not surprised tbh lol) Maenu: "It's hard to gather all of us together on the rehearsal" Morikubo: "We only managed to get all together once (?!) on the rehearsal. We sometimes did it with three of us present and for some reasons most of the time one of us couldn't be present." (audience sounded surprised! Me too, they performed really good together i just didn't expect it) Maenu: "I started rehearsal mainly from September. Though of course, i received choreography videos beforehand." Morikubo: "The red person started really early, didn't he?" (audience laughed) Maenu: "He always got to start rehearsal really early every live" Morikubo: "He always got to start really early i couldn't help but thinking "Eh?! He started already?!" when i heard it." Maenu: "And he'd contact us with "I started with it!" first everytime" After that they were talking about the live and how it started with a new song! Apparently they were practicing it it a lot to the point that they saw it on their dreams lol Morikubo danced a bit (?) of the choreo with his hand, pointed at Maenu and said he often did those moves (practicing the move, the usual maenu’s greatness; not sure but i think it was killer kiss moves?) xD They talked about how it was the first time for the four of them to perform an acoustic corner on utapri live and that the live was fun. Morikubo: "I always receive the choreography video from the dance teacher first and i got to voice my opinion first if the dance was too hard or if it needs to be changed into easier moves. If i'm okay with it then the three of them will follow. (Because he's the oldest) Until now if some parts were too hard i'd say so and got scolded by certain someone (Tattsun LOL). But this time, after receiving it I said nothing about it and did it the way it's supposed to be." (Audience cheers) Maenu: "The choreography was really hard, wasn't it?" Morikubo: "Neverthless, our duty this time is to follow after Quartet Night. If the four of them are supposed to do it that way, then we will do our best to follow after them. We did our best without making excuses." (Audience cheers) Morikubo: "Up till now, there are a lot of idol groups existing right? They dance and sing." Maenu: "They do." Morikubo: "But look at us, we're dancing, singing AND harmonizing. Isn't that rare to be found?" Maenu: "It's rare indeed!" Morikubo: "We're dancing, singing AND harmonizing! (2nd time xD)" (Audience cheers) Morikubo: "If the four of them aim for even higher level, we'll also aim for it and chase after them(characters)!" After that they called for the acoustic band members. They also talked about Maenu's Camus glasses and apparently, Maenu being the biggest Camus fan he is, got the glasses by himself xD (If i remember right it got sold out really fast so i think he meant he put tons of effort to get it)

Day 2 They talked about how they’re doing it on Kobe this time. Up till now utapri live (or most events actually) was held in kanto region/near tokyo but this time the live was held in kansai region (Psst as someone who lives in kansai i’m extremely happy) They greeted people at live-viewing. Maenu: *to the camera* “Can you see us here?” Morikubo: “Live-viewiiiing!” Some of the audiences in the hall went “Fuuu~↑” even tho they were calling for the live-viewing LOL Maenu: “*a bit puzzled* O--oh I could hear their voices, i heard the Fuuu~“ xD From this point they’ll keep on doing this few times if someone let out voices when they were calling for people in live-viewing LOL There was also a small accident of the staffs bringing wrong water-bottle for Maenu (it was tatsu’s) xD They talked about how the penlight color change was automatically controlled by the staffs (like the one on previous live) Morikubo: “I thought it was amazing!” Maenu: “At first i thought ‘they changed the color so quickly!!’ but it seems like that was not the case” xD Morikubo: “Ah, but it’s possible to switch it into your favorite color, right?” Maenu: “Yes, it’s possible to do both” Morikubo: “If i say a color right now would it be possible (for the staffs) to change the color right away?” Maenu: “It’s supposed to be on programmed automatically isn’t it?” Morikubo: “Let’s try it!” Maenu: “I’m not sure, we haven’t told the staffs beforehand!” xD Morikubo: “We haven’t told them anything!” Maenu: “They must be panicking right now” Morikubo: “Everyone, I’ll say ‘red’ so please switch your penlight into another color and don’t change the color manually! Let’s see if it’s possible” Morikubo: “Here i go, red!!!” They waited few seconds and the color didn’t change xD Morikubo: “So it’s not possible!” *audience laughed* Maenu: “It has to be programmed beforehand” in the middle of their talk suddenly all of the penlight on the hall turned red Morikubo: “OHHH IT’S RED!!” Maenu: “That’s amazing!!! The staffs definitely panicked just now” Morikubo: “I’m sorry for doing it suddenly!” Maenu: “(it’s all in red) So this is what Tatsu saw while singing” Morikubo: “(to audience)Ah, you can turn it back to your favorite color now. Thank you very much for your cooperation” They talked about how the concert hall is a good hall (and i totally agree) and how they could see the audience clearly. Then they talked about how it was a 2 days concert as opposed to prev one. Afterwards Morikubo told us that they’re ready to do it for another day or two xD Maenu agreed Maenu: “Even the rehearsals were fun. Of course there were a lot of hardships, but the sensation of being able to stand with the four of us.. it’s just addictive” Morikubo: “Lately, there’s something all of us often do. Inside the dressing room, when the four of us were sitting in front of the mirrors and our songs were played on the background, we’ll do an imitation/impression of our own characters” Maenu: “A bit exaggerated one” Audience screamed “Do it~~” and the two of us fell into silence all of sudden xD Maenu: “If you said something like that of course it’ll come into this!” Morikubo: “It’s more or less just what you always hear from us” Audience told them to do it again Morikubo: “Yesterday we talked about such topic. We were talking about how Shouta used to sing demos of most utapri songs and we asked about how he did our character voices. *stares at maenu* How did he do Ran-Ran again?” Maenu: “?! I’d be the one doing it?!” He did an impression of Ranmaru’s “Arai hou ga ii~” of Poison kiss and it was super funny! xD He made his voice really hoarse and also made funny expression with his eyes wide-opened LOL Morikubo then apologized at him for making him suddenly do it Maenu: “You told me to do it!” Morikubo: “I wasn’t expecting you to do it with that expression” Maenu: “I’m sorry please forget the thing i did just now” LOL Maenu: “At rehearsal we often do something like that to fill the part of the member that wasn’t there. For example Morikubo-san’s part” Morikubo: “They’ll start imitating ‘Tee ↑ ee↑ (the vocal swing he often does, you’d probably get what i mean if you listened to Reiji’s singing in general)” Maenu: *imitates* “More and More and~~(poison kiss w/hands movements too)” Morikubo: “It’s not “Mori mori ok?!” (means to do something vigorously in japanese) Maenu: “Even all of those things were really fun” Morikubo: “Camus’ (impression) were amazing too you know” Maenu: “Tatsu totally did that on purpose!” Morikubo: “If Tatsu comes later, tell him to do it here” And they called the band

7. KILLER KISS When they talked about how they were going to perform it acoustic i actually couldn't imagine how it would sound with this song but it actually sounded really pleasant! I mean, it sounded a lot quieter than the actual song so you could hear their great voices and amazing harmonization crystal clear! It sounded really refreshing! They also did a bit of the little hand choreography similar to the one on 6th live. They sounded really powerful!

Shoutan and Tattsun appeared. Shoutan had white shirt with lilac-colored flower on his left pocket and Tattsun had black shirt they also talked while sitting like Morikubo and Maenu (At some parts they also stood?).

Day 1 Shoutan talked about how it's refreshing to be able to talk with just the two of them and tattsun agreed to it. In the middle of convo Tattsun just went with sudden "Let's introduce ourself" and the audience laughed. Shoutan: "Everyone, good evening! I'm Mikaze Ai's good friend Aoi Shouta!" Tattsun: "You went with that?! I'm the one who's always standing closest to Kurosaki Ranmaru, Suzuki Tatsuhisa." Tattsun: "Aaa~ It's refreshi-- *looks at shoutan turning his back from audience* Hey! Don't fix your belt here!" (Shoutan a bit panicking lol) Tattsun: "This is why before the live started i told you not to eat that many cream puffs!!"* (if you don't get this reference go search for game and drama CDs involving Ai lol) Shoutan: "That's not true!" lol Tattsun also said Morikubo and Maenu talked a lot so almost no topic left for them to talk xD Shoutan told the camera to zoom at Tattsun's nails. Apparently at previous lives Tattsun's nail colors were normal red but this time he finally had Ranmaru's burgundy dark red! Also Shoutan tried to let his nails grow but at rehearsal two of it hit the mic and broke. He also had Ai's color nail btw. Tattsun: "This time, at rehearsal we were often together. Of course we were looking at each other practices a lot too. The more i see him, to be honest I could only see Shouta as a girl!" Shoutan: "You said that a lot! Stuffs like "what's with that body line!?" Tattsun: "His girl power (女子力) is increasing day by day! If it's me i definitely wouldn't be able to do it! For example this pose *posing*" Shoutan: "This one? *posing*" (hard to describe so take a look at matoni-sensei's report pic here! the pose at the very middle of the pic) Tattsun: "How did you do that?" *imitating but failed* (Audience laughed) Tattsun: "This time, for example the dance, like previously talked, we're following the footsteps of our characters. As they go higher, we as one try to follow them. To begin with I only do stuffs like this once a year here you know!" Shoutan: "This kind of chance doesn't happen often, right? But actually tatsu-nii at his own will, you know, even after the rehearsal was supposed to end--" Tattsun: "Hey~ Stop this topic!" Shoutan: "When the rehearsal ended he'd go around saying "I'm sorry, can i do it just one more time?" you know! Of course we have to make sure we're in good condition by resting well too, but his feelings reached me and it made me want to reply it with same thing." Tattsun: "Right, at that time i had the time so i tried to use all of my time practicing and when i realized it i've been doing it for six and half hours." Shoutan: "Really, how many times did you do the live that time?" (Audience laughed) Tattsun: "And Shouta was also there the whole time."(Not sure if he said he was standing there or singing behind him) Tattsun: "To be honest, I couldn't produce Ranmaru's voice easily. And so i'd need time to adjust my throat beforehand. Sometimes i got frustrated and was troubled with it alone. And at such times, he'd come closer to me and said "Tatsu-nii, what about doing quartet night songs together?". Among us, Shouta　is the one who's always trying to consider others feelings. At that one time all of us got together, we were troubled with a thing and couldn't come into agreement. At such time, Shouta was the first one to speak up "What about doing this way? Maybe it's going to change for the better!". He was always thinking about our feelings and what to do about it. In that way, he's the one supporting our backs and i think that's what's good about him." After that they talked about how they're going to sing after this with the acoustic band. Tattsun: "We were talking a lot prior to this performance, like how to make it sound better and what to add and improvise." Shoutan: "That's right, we talked a lot about it." Tattsun: "I was thinking of supporting Shouta while he's singing freely with his all, but actually Shouta also adjusts with how i'm singing. It feels like a matchmaking (お見合い)." Shoutan: "It feels like we're sharing same atmosphere!" Tattsun: "It made me feel like, "Ah, so singing with others could be this interesting!" It's really fun. I haven't had chance to sing with someone with such a different type of voices and it feels refreshing. *suddenly bowing?* Thank you so much" Shoutan was off guard because Tattsun just suddenly thanked him and was like "nn?!" xD Tattsun: "So, are we doing it?" Shoutan: "(to the audience suddenly) Do you want to hear us~?" (and of course we said we want to hear it) Shoutan: "They said they want to~" Tattsun: "Why did you start it and answer it yourself?" (Audience laughed xD) Shoutan: "I'm sorry" (Audience screamed "Cute~!") Tattsun: "That part! That's the cute part of you, you know" And i kinda forgot what they said after this.. but not long after they started with title call and the next song started! Day 2 Shoutan: “Good evening~ It’s finally our turn” Tattsun: “No matter how many times we did it, it always feels refreshing to be here (doing MC) with just the two of us” Shoutan: “It does! The previous two’s MC/perf was really heated up” Tattsun: “Right” Both: ”Right~” (audience laughed xD) Tattsun: “First, please introduce yourself” Shoutan: “I’m Mikaze Ai’s best friend, Aoi Shouta!” Tattsun: “I’m the one with privilege to stand closest to Kurosaki Ranmaru, Suzuki Tatsuhisa” Shoutan: “Isn’t it interesting that our introduction changed a bit everytime?” They talked about live-viewing and called out to them Shoutan: *to camera* “How are you guys?” Tattsun: “Everyone at live-viewing places, how are you?” the audiences in the hall went “Fuuu~↑” again Tattsun: “I could hear voices even though it’s supposed to be live-viewing! Amazing!” LOL After that they changed topic into the outfits they wore on acoustic corner Shoutan: “After the first day ended, there was something a lot of people were talking about regarding this acoustic corner. As opposed to our previous gold outfits, in this corner we have a shirt as our outfit. *Tattsun spun to show the audience his outfit*” Shoutan: “It has Ranmaru’s color on it” Tattsun: “(the red cloth of the lower part of his outfit) I requested this” Shoutan: “For me, i wanted a symbol at Ai’s left chest. The staffs also added Ai’s color on it” (whoever manage to understand the symbolism i love you) Shoutan: “The real topic starts here. The shirt i’m wearing right now is an oversize shirt. So it has a bit of kare-shirt (It’s a situation when someone is wearing their lovers’ clothes) vibe on it. “ *audience loud screams* xD Tattsun: “Right” Shoutan: “And that’s..” Tattsun: “That’s why you should just say you were staying over in my place” *fangirl squeal* Shoutan: “And there’s the fact that the two of us are doing MC together too.. For a moment i thought 'Eh?! Did i actually stay in Tatsu-nii’s house and borrow his shirt?!'” Tattsun: “I thought it would look good on you, so you can have it” *embarrassed shoutan* xD Shoutan: “This person right here... Why does he always say this kind of embarrassing lines like it was nothing?! This is embarrassing” (you two so cute stahp) Tattsun: “Could you stop getting ‘seriously’ embarrassed?” xD Shoutan: “Of course i would! *to male audience* Even male would feel the same, right?!” A male audience answered and tattsun laughed at it Shoutan: “I told you so!” Tattsun: “I could hear your voice (male audience) really clearly! Wait a bit, let me take off my in-ear monitor. (He looks happy to hear them) *male audience cheers* Tattsun: “This is awesome, i could hear you guys really well! *laughs* Oi, you guys sure have great voices!” (they both look really happy xD) Shoutan: “And obviously, all of you girls, it made your heart throb right?!” *audience cheers* Shoutan: “I told you!” Tattsun: “Wait a bit, why did you put yourself in girls side?!” LOLOL Shoutan: “After standing on many stages of utapri, i feel like i could understand what everyone is thinking about!” Tattsun: “That’s what i told you in the rehearsal wasn’t it?! When i was watching your solo, i told you 'Your girl power(女子力) is increasing even more!'“ Tattsun: “Especially when he was dancing and singing, his body-line definitely doesn’t look like a male! Shoutan: “Really? *does the same pose as the one on 1st day MC* I ended up doing it like that” Tattsun: “If i’m the one doing it, it looks like a plastic model *does the same pose* So stiff” Shoutan: “But in return you have the coolness of Ranmaru!” Tattsun: “All i could do is being aggresive (オラつくit’s a bit hard to explain)” Shoutan: “That’s Ranmaru!!” After that they talked about flower stand! (btw for some reasons if i go to QN events i always see many cool and artistic flower stands so if you’re curious be sure to look it up) Tattsun: “We wanted to see it by ourselves but it was close to where the audience was waiting so we couldn’t see it. But our managers took a VTR of the flowers for us and we all watched it together. While we were talking about how big and pretty it was suddenly a panel appeared and we were like ‘Eh?! You can create such flower stand?!’” Shoutan: “It was amazing wasn’t it?” Tattsun: “And also, i know it’s a form of love and i probably shouldn’t say an unnecessary comment like this, but there was a flower stand with Ranmaru’s silhouette and an instrument on it. The thing is, that silhouette wasn’t a bass, it was a guitar!!” Shoutan: “A-Ah, the instrument Ranmaru plays is..” Tattsun: “Bass” Shoutan: “And what came was...” Tattsun: “Guitar...” Shoutan: “That was close! So close! B-but it was a silhouette so..” Tattsun: “But.. it was a guitar...” Shoutan: “So close!” Tattsun: “That shape was probably an SG (gibson SG? i’m not sure) guitar..” Shoutan: “You sure know a lot!” xD Tattsun: “*asks a band member* Right?! But i could feel the love and so i think ’It’s okay, a guitar is fine too’” Shoutan: “After all, they made it so pretty!” Tattsun: “Indeed! Among them there were also outfits right? The quality was so high i thought ‘Eh?! Did we wear that outfits?!’” Shoutan: “Eh?! It’s the real thing?!” Tattsun: “Did we give/show the real thing to them?!” xD Shoutan: “Was it leaked somewhere?” Tattsun: “Without realizing it, do they know our three sizes?!” Shoutan: “That’s bad!!” Tattsun: “No way, no way!!! We’re in trouble!” (what are you guys doing LOL) Afterwards they talked about how it represents audience love for the series Tattsun: “It was so amazing it feels like being on an exhibition! Don’t you think we could charge an admission fee for this?” Shoutan: “That’s right!!” xD Tattsun: “A lot of people also sent it directly to certain character and on that part too i could totally feel your affection for them.” Tattsun: “Yesterday, after 1st day ended we had a small after-party with the four of us plus few people. We talked about a lot of things there and there were a lot of talks full of love for the series. We’ll talk about it in depth after the four of us are all here.” Tattsun: “Also, on dressing room lately, doing an impression of QN members has became a trend, right? Shoutan: “We do impression of each other’s characters. It’s before the live so tatsu-nii brought a stereo-- Is this the right word? I’m hopeless when it comes to such thing.. ” Tattsun: “Shouta” Shoutan: “Yes?” Tattsun: “Ba~ka” (in teasing tone asdhjkf what is this, a shoujo manga?) *Audience screams* Shoutan: “ *a bit of sulking tone* He said i’m an idiot..” Tattsun: “That’s called a bluetooth speaker!” Shoutan: “Ah! It’s a speaker!” Tattsun: “Don’t just go and group everything into 'latest model machine’!” Shoutan: “I’m sorry.. -- so he used a speaker to play the setlist of this live inside our dressing room. And then we’ll hum or sing along” Tattsun: “I thought if there’s no sound maybe the atmosphere would be a bit gloomy so i brought a rather big one and played the playlist of the setlist. And when i did that, suddenly we could hear Rei-chan that wasn’t Rei-chan” LOL Shoutan: “You’re right. After that we would hear an addition of one more person, and another one, we would then hear someone who did an impression of ranmaru, and so on...” Shoutan: “But the thing is, when Camus’ part comes..” Both: “All of us would do it” LOL Shoutan: “It was amazing wasn’t it?” Tattsun: “All of us would gather and sang the “kindan no kajitsu~♪ (killer kiss)” Shoutan: “We did it. Not only our own character, but did such to another character of the same group” Tattsun: “We did it” Shoutan: “Ai’s impressions were also amazing” Tattsun: “When doing Ai we would pucker our lips” Shoutan: “That’s right! Actually, i have such a small mouth/lips so when they’re doing it like that i could hear some similarities.. Tomo-nii also did it. That’s what’s trending on our dressing room lately” Tattsun: “When doing an impression of Ranmaru, all of them would sound so hoarse!” Shoutan: “First of all we would strain our voices” Tattsun: “Raise the distortion to the max..” Tattsun: “Do you still remember the first time you voiced Ai?” Shoutan: “I do! At that time i was just started learning how to be a voice actor. With an illustration of Ai right in front of me, I was thinking of how to make him alive. While thinking of such things i would practice over and over again. After spending a lot of time, i finally managed to do that.” Tattsun: “The staffs were really careful about it weren’t they?” Shoutan: “Yes. What about Ranmaru? How was it?” Tattsun: “A bit roughly but at that time I saw all of the utapri series first. And at that time, i thought that there weren’t many people with low tone voices. As a senpai, when i read the script at that time Ranmaru also said so many harsh words. I was thinking of what to do with it and came into conclusion that to make it sounds manly i should do it with low tone. And so it became like that.” Tattsun: “But that time, i didn’t give it much thought and let out the lowest tone i could at that time.” Shoutan: “I see!” Tattsun: “And so when i’m voicing Ranmaru i have to keep my throat wide opened the whole time” Tattsun: “The first time i thought ‘i’ve done it wrong’ was at the singing recording. At that time i realized that i have to practice hard to produce Ranmaru’s voice well. Especially at the very beginning, i have to warm-up my voice well before recording something as Ranmaru. At that time i’d practice “*Ranmaru’s voice* Oi” with my throat wide open.” Shoutan: “And so it becomes Ranmaru” Tattsun: “*points at the area between throat and chin* the shape of my face here would disappear (bc he’s keeping his throat open). It would turn into a neck of a dinosaur. ” xD Shoutan: “But after going through all of that Ranmaru was born” Tattsun: “That’s right” Shoutan: “A lot of stories were there”

And they announced next song

8. HARUHANA ONE WORD TO DESCRIBE: BEAUTIFUL. I guess this one is easier to imagine in acoustic ver. It sounds really classy~ I must say this arrangement fits this song A LOT! Both of them sang super emotionally ;; Tattsun used softer tones at some parts and shoutan sang some parts more dynamically than others creating an emotional performance;; When this song was released i saw someone said that they voices don't go well with each other, but nah they really need to watch this performance. Their chemistry was heavenly.. their timing, the way their voice overlap and harmonize, even how they put power in their singing, it was a perfection. To be honest, the two of them in this performance probably had the best chemistry i've ever seen in utapri live performances. They shared A LOT of eye contacts! (they were staring at each other like most of the time? lol) They also inserted really pretty adlibs and even harmonize on it. Before last reff they sang it really passionately before suddenly (intentionally) stopped singing for seconds and left a bit of silence. After seconds they start again with really emotional last reff! It was amazing. (Explanation: "Oru youni kasaneatte, koe e to, uta e to~~~ (long notes) Aa *stops for like 3 seconds* yokaze ni fukarete...") Also last reff's "..mune wo sasu kedo ↑" was improvised as the notes went up instead of down. I couldn't say anything other than perfection. I personally like their perf of this song on the first day more than the second day (tho of course it was awesome too) so i kinda hoped utapri would ever release DVD/BD of 1st day of their lives too...

A bit of MC. Tattsun said that because they finally had the chance to sing acoustic they wanted to sing with the four of them and called Morikubo and Maenu!

Day 1 Morikubo said he had two things to say to them Morikubo: "First, the two of us talked about a lot of topics (that Tattsun said they have nothing left to talk) because it took a lot of time for the band to set their instruments on the stage!" xD Maenu: "It can't be helped!" Tattsun: "Talk about of such circumstances when we're on backstage instead of here!" (Audience laughed) Morikubo: "Also second, Tatsu is amazing with his practice and all, but sometimes there's also time when he's only stretching for 2 hours!" LOL ((After this they talked a bit more but i forgot the details, i think my memory went overcapacity starting from here, i'm really sorry //sweats)) They talked about how QN appeared for the first time at 2012. If i remember it right Tattsun also said previous live was only last year (6th) but he felt like it's been longer than that. I didn't remember who brought it up first (Tattsun maybe??) but they then talked about how Shoutan used to provide his singing for the demo/prototype version of utapri songs before the respective seiyuu sing the song! (I think a lot of you knew it already, as people around me already knew abt this too) Shoutan: "You promised you won't talk about this, right?!" xD and they realized they didn't give us enough explanation about what they were talking about and decided to explain. Maenu: "For a period of time, Shouta used to sing for all utapri demo song alone by himself. " Tattsun: "Not to mention, he also sang it the way the character would" Morikubo: "You did STARISH songs and Quartet Night songs right? And what about HEAVENS'? Shoutan: "I also did HEAVENS song!" (Audience and the rest of them were surprised) Tattsun: "That's why, i mean, isn't it a good idea to release those CDs?" Shoutan: "*panicking* No way! No way!" (Audience screamed they want it xD) Shoutan: "It's only good because they (respective char/seiyuus) are the one singing you know! Demo songs are just demo" Tattsun: "Even so, how did you do sing it (the way other characters/seiyuus would)?" Shoutan: "Of course, first i heard each of their CDs. After that i tried thinking of how to sing it so that it's easy to understand who is singing which part. If i sang it all the same way, it'd be hard to understand!" Morikubo: "If that's the case, for example how would you do it if you're doing Ranran's part?" Shoutan: "Wait!! I'd get scolded for this!!" xD (Audience laughed) Tattsun: "You won't!" Morikubo: "Like first, do you need to get your feelings fired up or such? Tell us how you do it! Maybe the audience will have the chance to sing Ranran's part at karaoke or something!" (I kinda forgot this part) Tattsun: "But for some reason, when everyone was imitating Ranmaru's voice, they'll make their voice hoarse. And they'd start saying "I'll kill you!"? Ranmaru didn't even say such thing!" Maenu: "We, and other utapri members (starish seiyuus?) sometimes imitate other character voices on rehearsal and practice." Shoutan: "We did! Also personally same here, when doing Ranmaru's voice i tried to make it sounds threatening (? (LOL xD)) and put my attention on creating more breathy sounds” Morikubo: “Did you hear it guys? Breathy voices!” Shoutan: “But the original singer actually didn’t even do it on purpose right?” Tattsun: “Yes, i’m not aware of it myself” Morikubo: “What about me?! Me?” Shoutan: “With Reiji i’d insert many vocal swings” Morikubo: “Ah, i see!” Shoutan: “Even with Ai there are times i used that kind of singing technique, but after listening to a lot of songs i tried to think of the way i could get the feel with my own voice” Maenu: “What about me?” Morikubo: “With Camus, the first thing is to put in a lot of sugar right?” Shoutan: “Yes xD a lot of sugar cube!” *Tattsun agreing lol* Maenu: “So how did you do it?” Shoutan: “With Camus.. i tried to sing a bit through my nose?” Maenu: “I see! It’s like when Tatsu imitated my voices with bad intentions (LOL) He does it a lot on the dressing room” Tattsun: “Didn’t you do that a lot too?!” Maenu: “We all do! *shoutan and morikubo laughed* Morikubo: “When we all stand side-by-side the ‘let’s imitate other characters tournament’ would just suddenly start!” Tattsun: “Inside the make-up room we were all sitting side by side. At that time the setlist of the concert was playing on the bgm. And then suddenly someone would just start singing a part that isn’t even theirs!” Morikubo: “Didn’t you *points at Maenu* also sing your own part exaggeratedly?!” Tattsun: “He did!!” *shoutan laughed* Tattsun: “What were you even doing?!” Maenu: “I just thought maybe it would be interesting, i tried to guess how my singing sound for people around me” xD Morikubo: “In the prev live i talked about how singing with the three of you feels so good, right? This time while listening to ourselves in acoustic corner, the existence of Maeno’s solid low notes, Shouta’s clear high notes, and for mid-high notes i’ll be there together with Tatsu’s mid-low notes, make a great balance.” Shoutan: “I thought so too!” Morikubo: “Especially because it’s acoustic you could hear the voices clearly. It felt so nice! What do you guys think of it?” Maenu: “I ag...ree with you *stumbled with his words*” Tattsun: “Which position are you standing on right now?! Also where is your glasses (camus’ glasses) ?!” Maenu: “I took that off” Shoutan: “You took that off!” Maenu: “It’s a coincidence but our voices balance out each other extremely well. They’re so compatible with each other. It’s such a wonder.” Morikubo: “What do you guys think of it? (audience)” *audience claps* Morikubo: “Today is the Culture Day (a holiday in Japan) but we’re able to be here. Why don’t all of you start your own QUARTET NIGHT with 4 people around you right now? (xD LOL)” Tattsun: “Live-viewing too!” And they show themselves on camera for people in live-viewing! Tattsun: “It’s QUARTET NIGHT~~~~” (his tone was so cute xD karunai dayo~) Tattsun: So, a lot of QUARTET NIGHTs would be born from among the whole country today? (LOL)

Morikubo: “Let’s sing together shall we?” They talked about the outfit a bit before getting into the next song

Day 2 After the performance Tattsun said that it was really fun and called for the other two. Morikubo&Maenu: “It was a great performance!” Morikubo: “I could listen to your (haruhana duo) talk and performance forever” Tattsun and shoutan laughed Shoutan: “Really?!” Morikubo: “I mean it. But Shouta, how could you mistook a speaker for a stereo?!” Maenu: “But i think Tatsuhisa who mistook a video for a VTR (video tape recorder) is also more or less the same” Morikubo: “What has gotten into you?! a VTR?!” *to tattsun* Tattsun: “EH?!” LOL Shoutan: ”I sure made a grave mistake..” Tattsun: “At least i didn’t say something like ‘a beta’ (betamax)” Morikubo asked the audience about the acoustic corner Morikubo: “It felt really good” Shoutan: “It was fun!” Maenu: “It was!” Tattsun: “During today’s rehearsal showtaro-san also talked about this but I feel like we could make a lot more stuffs with this corner” Morikubo: “Like for example, an acoustic live or something” (OMG YES PLS) *Audience cheers* Maenu: “It’ll be great” Tattsun: “For example wouldn’t it be nice if we do it with night sky in the background?” Morikubo: “Our dream keeps on getting even bigger” Tattsun: “We keep on saying this kind of thing, i’m sorry!” (about what they want to do in the future onstage without consulting to staffs xD) Morikubo: “I think it’s important to have a specific dream!” Maenu: “It’s also important to say it out loud” Morikubo: “That’s right, let’s keep on saying it. Right, everyone?” a bit of short silence Morikubo: “You’re not going to say it?!” LOL Everyone laughs Maenu: “It’ll be nice if it becomes true in the future!” Morikubo: “When the two of you were talking I could hear the voice of ‘my boy’ (male audience) so clearly! Let us hear it again, ‘my boy’!!” *male audience cheers* Maenu: “Oh! It’s amazing!” Morikubo: “*to a male audience* Thank you! It makes me happy!” *male audience cheers* Tattsun: You guys sure have great voices! I’m so happy!” (he looks super happy xD) Morikubo: “What about in the live-viewing?” Tattsun& Maenu: “My boy?” Morikubo: “My boy!” Morikubo: *to the camera* “My boy in the live viewing~!!” *Male audience in the hall cheers xD* Shoutan: “There must be some of them!” Maenu: “I could hear them!” Tattsun: “That true, even though it’s live-viewing i could hear their voices!” LOL Maenu: “It reached us! Words filled with feelings definitely gets across, doesn’t it? xD Morikubo: “Right, it’s amazing. We’re so grateful that a lot of people from the whole country came to see us. Thank you very much” Morikubo: “This time it’s a 2 days concert. What do you think of it?” Tattsun: “Yesterday i felt extremely nervous.. I was full of momentary nervousness, but as i talked on previous MC the four of us had an after-party, didn’t we? It seems like i was really happy. The moment i woke up today all i could think of was about that!” Morikubo: “Actually, it seems like the four of us were really happy about it” *the four of them laughs* Morikubo: “We’re surprised about it ourselves. But it seems like the four of us put our arms around each other's shoulders and walk back to the hotel on that position!” (o mg cute) Shoutan: “It’s a real story!” Maenu: “We were all pretty drunk” Tattsun: “To reach the hotel there was a bit of distance so we decided to just walk to the hotel. The four of us keep on putting arms around each other during our walk back to the hotel! “ Shoutan:“That’s true!” Maenu: “Our managers happened to be on the lobby of the hotel and took a picture of us!” Tattsun: “They were like, ‘what are you guys doing? It’s funny so can i take a picture?’ and took a picture of it! Morikubo: “It was so fun!” Tattsun: “It was a blast! We talked about a lot of things” Morikubo: “We were able to feel this feeling thanks to the group named QUARTET NIGHT. So, Shouta, how was it?” Shoutan: “Even though yesterday was only the first day, I already felt like tearing up many times on the stage.. I tried my best to endure it” Tattsun: “It’s okay to cry though” Shoutan: “And this person would say something like that!! Near the end when i was about to tear up he would come and say “Oh? Oh? Are you about to cry?” (he’s like provoking shoutan to cry xD) and i’d say “That’s not true!” ” Tattsun: “That’s okay Shouta~ if you cry I’ll pat your head” (asdahkf) Shoutan: “But in truth, *points at maenu* tomo-nii was also about to cry in certain song!” Maenu: “A sweat, i was just sweating a lot!” Tattsun: *points at maenu “This guy right there, all he could do it say stuffs like that till he actually breaks into tear!” Maenu:“It was just a sweat!” Shoutan: “Something like that happened! Everytime i stand on this stage, i could feel all of your feelings directly. It directly reached my heart. I’m sure, it also reaches the four of them (chars) directly too.” Morikubo: “It’s our second solo live, so to surpass our previous live, we thought a lot about what our stage is supposed to be. For example the acoustic corner. After this too, we have a lot in store to show all of you here in Kobe. Please look forward to it!” Tattsun: “Among us, Maeno is the most passionate about QN, isn’t he?” Maenu: “That’s not true, all of us are equally passionate about it!” Tattsun: “Of course, we’re all passionate about it! But in terms of concentrating himself to the characters, i feel like he inspires us the most.” Maenu: “That’s not true!” Morikubo: “That’s true, whenever i see him he’s always practicing!” Shoutan: “Exactly! Everytime i’d see him practicing on the corner of the room” Tattsun: “So, how’s this concert for you?” Maenu: “Just as always, while looking forward to it i hope i could leave good memories in the history of QN’s journey. Every moment is so precious and dear to me, it happened to me during 6th live too, but that’s why when the show ended and i have to take off the sparkly and beautiful outfits, i would feel so sad. But of course, if there’s a beginning eventually there will come an end too, so i want to create a lot of memories with all of you before it ends. “ Maenu: “But really, the moment four of us are all here together, i always feel so at ease. It just feels like we’re unbeatable. It’s so addicting.” Morikubo: “That’s true.” Tattsun: “I agree” Shoutan: “When we’re practicing there are a lot of formations. In most of them, we’re supposed to stand a bit apart from each other, but when we started to talk with each other without even realizing it we’d suddenly stand so close to each other!” Tattsun: “Without even realizing it!” Morikubo: “in the previous live something like that happened too wasn’t it? Even though the stage was big, suddenly we all were already in the middle of the stage standing so close to each other! We’re supposed to use the wide stage!” Maenu: “I mean, don’t you think it’s already unusual for four fully-grown adults to walk back to hotel with their arms on each other’s shoulder?!” xD Tattsun: “And the thing is, aside from QUARTET NIGHT we actually always go on our separate ways, right?” Maenu: “That’s true! Even if we meet on another works we’ll just say greetings and go our separate ways!” Tattsun: “Actually this time, the day before the concert, i heard that we could do rehearsal on the hall and i was on the same bullet train with Maeno. I met him in the station of Tokyo. We exchanged “Good morning” and just went our separate ways just like that!” Shoutan: ”Eh?! Really?!” Morikubo: “You didn’t come together?!” Tattsun: “We just exchanged good morning. It’s not like i had any reason to go together with him.” (The way he said it was a bit funny xD a bit tsun) Maenu: “That’s right! I was buying something in the convenience store and Tatsu came in when i was about to quit the store. So it was like ‘Oh so you’re going to buy something here, i see. See you later!’ “ Tattsun: “And so i replied ‘Yeah, i’m going in. Later!’ and went to opposite direction“ Maenu:“But the moment we met up on the rehearsal we would start saying things like ‘Let’s do this part!’ to each other.” Shoutan: “That’s very like Ranmaru and Camus!” *audience laughed xD* Morikubo: “You’re right! That’s exactly the same!” Shoutan:“Exact same!” Morikubo: “The two-shots of these two is interesting so let us see it! *goes away from the other two and gets closer to shoutan* Yesterday when we were eating together it was like that too. They were like Ranran and myuu-chan” Maenu: “But at the group line Shouta also enthusiastically does stuffs like that!” (acting like characters) Tattsun: “He said stuffs like that!” Maenu: “He’d say stuffs like ‘I won’t forgive you if you’re late!’” Shoutan: “We uploaded a photo of our hands and mics, didn’t we?” Tattsun: ”We actually created a diamond on that photo” (the more you know) Shoutan:”We’re a group so it’d be better to upload it on the same time. Showtaro-niisan suggested that we all upload it on 21:00. Tatsu-nii edited the photo for us. After he sent it to us, tomo-nii replied with “Can’t be helped, i’ll use it” (like camus xD)” Morikubo:”Then our whole in-char conversations started!” Maenu:”*points at tattsun* He replied with “You’re not being honest” Tattsun: ”That’s normal thing to say, right?! If you’re going to use it you could just say thanks, right?!” Shoutan:“And they i’d reply with “*Ai’s voice* They’re at it again” and added *back to usual shoutan* let’s do it on 21:00″ Tattsun: “We sure talk in our characters personality don’t we? Shoutan:”We do!” Morikubo:”Speaking of LINE, we actually have an utapri all cast group line and yesterday all of the STARISH members gave us encouraging messages.” Tattsun: ”It made me really happy!” Morikubo:”All of them did!” Tattsun: ”We’re standing here right now as QUARTET NIGHT, but we want to treasure the fact that it’s STARISH who opened the path for us. So it makes me really happy! I feel like that it fired us up even more, it made us stronger” Morikubo then said that they’re going to sing the next song and he suddenly told tattsun and maenu to stand beside each other to which maenu replied with “It’s not like we’re close with each other or anything!” xD and they started with next song

9. Marriage

Because it was acoustic arrangement there weren't any background vocals so instead they sang all of the english background vocals live too (ex: "under the starlight~ let's find our love part" etc) and it was really pretty! ;; if i remember well it's mostly shoutan for higher octave (i thought i heard female voice LOLOL) and switched between maenu/morikubo/tattsun for lower parts! Tbh listening to the reff reminded me how much maenu has improved with his singing/harmonies. It sounded really pleasant. On the middle of the song they introduced band members (i think it was percussion, violin, guitar, bass and keyboard??) while they were sitting on the front stage floor xD it was cute!!

Questions VTR. Seiyuus were asked some questions about their characters (impression, stuffs they like about them, etc) Maenu joked a lot, (or stuffs he said were just purely funny lol) shoutan too! In general it was really funny! But it was pretty long and fast so i didn’t manage to remember/take note of most of them, i’m sorry!;; Stuffs written here are not in order and is more or less just the gist of it. They didn’t show each of their full interview as one but instead cut their sentences halfway, switch to another person and so on so it was a bit hard to remember their full answer but here are the questions:

Was there something you couldn’t understand from your character?

Morikubo→ “Thank you very very Macho-cho “ LOL Tattsun→ How harsh he was toward ppl around him Shouta→ He sleeps on siting position LOL Maenu→ He puts way too much sugar on his drink (Saw that coming xD)

Which part do you like from your character from the very beginning?

Morikubo→ As a moodmaker, he actually could read the atmosphere well Tattsun→ He’s extremely straightforward and devoted (abt his work/in general?) Never compromise (to aim for better thing) Shouta→He’s like a cute younger brother. His voice is beautiful LOLOL Maenu→ His “strong heart”. He’s not afraid of being hated and says stuffs the way he think it is.

What was your first impression of your character?

Morikubo→ Bright but hard to figure out (his inner thoughts etc) Tattsun→ Scary Shouta→ Difficult to deal with Maenu→ Full of dignity

When did you feel like you’ve become best friend with your character?

Morikubo→ The moment “Yoroshiku Macho-cho “ was born Tattsun→ The moment some parts of Ranmaru he didn’t know started to appear, when he felt grateful for the chance to learn more about Ranmaru Shouta→ The moment he learned that Ai is not a human being Maenu→ The moment he woke up and mistook Jan 23 (Camus’ birthday) as his own birthday

Is there something you still can’t understand about your character?

Morikubo→ Wonder how did Reiji become such a “strong” person Tattsun→ “Aside from his honest and serious personality he also cooks well, is kind to animals, Isn’t his ‘spec’ too high?!” He said he couldn’t forgive Ranmaru for being too ‘high-spec’ xD Shouta→ He still sleeps in sitting position (He talked about how sleeping on bed def works better to recover yourself many times LOL) Maenu→ When he drinks something he put in a lot of sugar

What is something you like from your character now?

Morikubo→ (not sure i’m sorry;;) He pushed himself to limits for members Tattsun→ Everything (Aaaaaa) Shouta→ Became a lot softer. Understands his own position well Maenu→ He doesn’t try to flatter others/sugarcoat things

Is there a (bad) thing you want your character to fix/improve?

Morikubo→ He’s strong but he should stop keeping his feelings bottled up inside and relax more Tattsun→ He should stop wearing different color contact lenses for both eyes LOL Stop depending on color lenses Shouta→ Stay the way he is Maenu→ He’s drinking way too much sugar for his health

Is there anything you hope for your characters?

Morikubo→ There must still be a lot of Reiji’s side we’re not aware of so he should show us more sides/charms of him Tattsun→ Stay just the way he is Shouta→ Ai might be a robot but he should meet a lot people, move forward with his comrade, treasure each of the moment of his life Maenu→ He believes Camus could make the impossible possible so he wants to see him fly in the sky LOL

What should you/character do to achieve higher heights?

Morikubo→ Not only about what about to happen in the future, for now they should look at what is right in front of them. Tattsun→ They should clash more, and at the same time also try to understand each other, tolerate each other more. Shouta→ They should sing more variety of songs Maenu→ They might not in ‘that’ good term with each other, but in return those colliding powers are creating an even stronger power. By that, they boost each other up and that’s the kind of group QN is. They should keep going they way they are.

If you were to describe your character in a word, what would it be?

Morikubo→ Wedge Tattsun→ Flame Shouta→ Love (Ai) Maenu→ Ice

All: “That’s.. QUARTET NIGHT” And next song started! Outfit change, white pants, white and their respective colors? a bit casual, design is different for each of them!

10. The dice are cast Powerful singing, as we already knew! The choreography looked like 5th and QN 1st solo con? They moved around the area and stopped when all of the carts became one in the middle of arena seats. I also noticed that tattsun's part of the adlibs on the bridge was a bit different (improvisation with higher notes and i think i heard him doing it in both days)

11. STARLIGHT MEMORY I PERSONALLY LOVE THIS SONG so i was really hyped up for it! They sang while still on the cart and like on QN 1st solo con they used stand-mic for the choreography. It was really heated up, the "Just say Quartet Night!" parts were also sang by the audience and our voices were LOUD! It was fun!

12. Evolution Eve The first acapella sounded as heavenly as what i've heard in previous lives! ;;_;; Also the first acapella which was supposed to be lines without harmony for some reasons was harmonized? pretty sure it was tattsun with higher harmony! The instrumental break dance part we already knew from previous lives were changed, i'm pretty sure it wasn't the same. The previous one was good but this one was even better! I remember morikubo doing a really smooth turn. Proud of their improvements!

13. Double Face *Camus butler mode voice* "Let me show you my everything" *Camus usual mode voice* "You peasant! Fine, i'll do it according to your wish. Witness my 'love'!" Suddenly Maenu appeared with this song! I wasn't expecting this at all but it was a good surprise! Two dancers in white and black (like in QN 1st solo con) were present and maenu was also singing on a stand-mic. It was really similar to QN 1st solo con performance. As usual his voice change was amazing! In first day, it was clear that maybe the fast voice change made him a bit confused sometimes tho xD it was cute.. In 2nd day he did super great tho! One of my favorite thing about watching over QN seiyuus’ growth is watching Maenu getting more confident and glowing each live ♡

14. Synchronism Shoutan appeared on front stage with dancers. Apparently his outfit this time had animal ears (i'm not sure is it cat? or not..) fur hoodie and he had his hoodie up! It was extremely cute!! The dance was similar to 6th, but i think there were additional moves? Also if 6th live performance wasn't cute enough this one was even cuter it was illegal //no On 2nd day he also made a lot of different expressions from the one in 1st day during dance break (you probs know which one if you watched 6th live) As expected from shoutan, lot of fanservices were given! In 2nd day last reff "Amaku shite~" part he gave us a thrown kiss too! lol Been thinking about it for a while but it’s actually amazing how stable he was even at extremely low notes.

15. Not bad Tattsun and dancers came from main stage! He danced most of the time and both his dances and singing were amazing and powerful! ;; Also i'm really sure some parts of the dance moves changed entirely, for example the reff's "yoku kike yo, nidoto wa iwanai ze" part? It was such a passionate performance and i have no words except it was SUPER COOL ;;_;; There was also fire burst (?) stage effect and it was cool! He walked from the main stage to front stage! Instead of singing it, the music suddenly stopped and he said the "Ore ni *a bit pause* tsuite koi (follow.. me)" as a serifu

16. NEVER Morikubo appeared with his hat and he threw it away xD I think he improved a lot with his dancing compared to previous performances of this song! The choreography looked similar to the one on 5th live with some additions? I really love the part where monitor behind him turned into a big green　→　rainbow ferris wheel! ;; I personally really love Never's Reiji and the performance was wonderful ;; On the quiet part he usually went with falsetto on "honki to iu na no imi ga tsumatteru" but this time he went full power on that part! He also inserted a bit of adlibs after that and it was pleasant

17. Non-fiction Main stage was engulfed in red light and non-fiction intro was played, people around me went wild xD Tattsun and Maenu appeared sitting on a (what seemed to be) luxurious sofa while singing! It's interesting how the way they sit reflected their character personalities lol (Maenu legs crossed? and tattsun had his right leg up on the sofa) lol Maenu had his camus glasses on. They also danced a lot on instrumental parts and did some poses/combination dance(?) together! I love how they were posing with the sofa (for example if one of them sit the other stand behind the sofa etc) and also posed together (ex maenu put his hand on tattsun's back etc). Tattsun "Aaaa ↑" high notes part (you know which one) sounds amazing on live, it was powerful and on point. They also danced a lot on front stage. All in one it was GREAT and i’m pretty sure a lot of you would like this performance a lot

18. Fiction Started with pretty adlibs. As opposed to Non-fiction, It was an emotional and melancholic performance. Their harmonies were really pretty and their singing were great/emotional too! They weren't doing many moves, instead at some parts it feels much like drama posing (There were still kinda melancholic choreography at instru break). It somehow had really sad vibe ;; Shoutan was a great actor, they posed like stageplay at some parts. For example shoutan (ai) was looking at morikubo (reiji) but shook his head and decided to turn back, or morikubo staring at shoutan from afar, etc. At one part they had their hands up and joint their hands, but shoutan/ai let go of his hand and went away ;; At the end they stared at each other and shoutan/ai walked away from the stage first (from the middle of main stage) and morikubo/reiji followed after. The outro was still playing, with only falling petals (2nd day correction i think it was white feathers?) being lighted-up. I kinda teared up during this performance

All: "Fiction or non-fiction"

19. KIZUNA As usual, the harmonies of this song were really pretty. They also sit on main stage stairs and pose like car-scene on the anime (like they did on QN 1st solo con) with morikubo acting like he's driving the car. The whole thing felt similar to QN 1st solo con, it was amazing nonetheless. Last slow part never fails to make my eyes teary ;; I MEAN who doesn’t.. they also did the last part where they pointed at the characters on screen.

20. QUARTET★NIGHT I ACTUALLY WASN'T EXPECTING THIS TO COME HERE LOL but i love this song with passion bc it's the start of QN so i was really hyped for it! The choreo was also similar to QN 1st solo con. I personally think their 3rd live (aka 1st appearance as QN ever) of this song was unrivaled, but this performance was probably even better than that! It was easy to see how much they improved and i was extremely happy. Their vocals gave me chills and it also reminded me of when i first came to like QN, it was amazing.

Morikubo/Reiji told us it's his DJ time (wasn't really DJ-ing like prev live tho) and introduced dancers as the rest of them sit on the main stage stairs. They took turn to introduce the dancers. Reiji→Ranmaru→Ai→Camus

Tattsun (in Ranmaru’s voice) told us it's last song after this

21. FLY TO THE FUTURE I knew it LOL I guessed this song would be the last song after encore and i was right! When i first heard this song i was amazed at how QN managed to even surpass their previous harmonization with this song. The live version was amazing, their harmonies were heavenly. It was perfectly done, i can't help but crying halfway... They also danced quite a lot on this song. There was LONG (like 10 secs?) pause before the serifu "Arigato, soshite kore kara mo" (last reff after "nakeru hodo waite~"). Basically they sang That part was really emotional. It's also fun to do "Fly to the future~" call with other audience. It was easily one of my favorite QN performances of all time.

Encore “QUARTET NIGHT!!” calls started. I think i LOVE the Kobe World Hall they're using this time. It's not as small as previous QN solo con (to the point that the "Quartet Night" call wasn't really that loud bc there weren't that many people to begin with) but it's also not too big to manage a perfectly synced encore call. It's probs one of the most synced encore i've heard in my life (in BOTH days). Actually, i was really moved by how amazing the audiences were this time around. Super interactive and cooperative. The acoustic of the hall was amazing, both voices and instru were easy to listen to and sound crystal-clear. It’s easily one of my favorite concert hall ever.

22. Force Live They danced the choreography from the MV (except maybe the kick thing at the beginning lol) This song sounded great without autotune btw LOL i have to say QN sounds great on their own so they sound a lot better without autotune live. There isn't much to say except both of their dancing and singing were awesome! Morikubo also did front kick on 2nd verse if i remember it right! It was really cool watching the MV on the screen behind while looking at their performance/dance. You could see how much effort they spent to perfect their performances.

MC Announcement→ Renewal of utapri movie website Day 1 by Camus Day 2 by Ai (+DVD/BD announcement of the concert) Day 1 Maenu: “I’m the one trusted to voice Camus, Maeno Tomoaki. I’m sure all of you managed to feel the characters through our performances, so i’m not going to talk a lot this time. It’s been a year and half since the first solo live. At that time, i talked about how i was the only one without any singing career among us and how i felt about it. I felt like i had nothing at the beginning. Of course, i still feel it now even if it’s just a bit. But now that i look back at it, maybe i was able to bring something new to the group precisely because i had nothing. And i was able to do it thanks to the other members, all of your support and the utapri staffs. Thank you very much. As for me, i’ll keep on chasing after Camus’ back. If i have the chance again in the future, i’ll do my best to perform as Camus onstage. So, from now on please keep on supporting STARISH, QUARTET NIGHT and HEAVENS. Thank you for coming today!”

Shoutan: “I’m the C.V of Mikaze Ai, Aoi Shouta. Whenever this time (last MC) comes I somehow could never put my thoughts together well.. This time, we got to sing a lot of new songs. Among them are the newest Fiction and Non-Fiction. The recording was a bit painful and i got to feel a lot of different feelings. Up till now I always felt like i just couldn’t catch up to Ai and it gave me chance to think a lot about myself. Their time (chars), and of course our time will never stop moving forward and will pass. I hope Quartet night could be the group to keep on challenging themselves. I really love all of the members/my comrades. Being able to stand on this stage always makes me rethink about a lot of things. With these feelings, I want to be able to find more “possibilities” and take it to the future. I’m really grateful to be able to stand here. Please keep on supporting utapri!”

Tattsun: “I’m the one standing closest to Kurosaki Ranmaru, Suzuki Tatsuhisa. I had a lot of things i wanted to say. During the rehearsal, when i was practicing with the members of QUARTET NIGHT, i felt something. At that time what crossed my mind was ‘Ah, today i feel “scared”. My heart was racing, and it reminded me of the first time i became Ranmaru. ((Stuffs i couldn’t remember after adjalksjf i’m really sorry;; I think he said about how he was not sure if it’s alright for him to stand as Ranmaru onstage and also made a joke about it but i just can’t remember what was it ;;)) But the ‘idol’ Ranmaru is, without me even realizing it, has already moved so much away in front of me. The Ranmaru inside me keeps on telling me “I should do it like this” and thanks to that i caused a lot of troubles (bc he keeps on being idealistic), practice a lot. I would imagine how all of you would react and feel, and to be honest right now I’m extremely anxious. When i stand as QUARTET NIGHT, i could hear all of your supports directly, and seeing your happy expressions i’m just glad i could be here. Everytime, i’d think about how i just purely love all about this series. I love all of my comrades (starish+heavens too?), there’s no one i dislike, I respect all of them from the bottom of my heart. I love each of them. And so that those words won’t turn into lies, I hope that all of the people watching this, be it here or on live-viewing could feel it through my performances today. That’s the only thing i have on my head right now. I’m really happy i could stand as Kurosaki Ranmaru. It’s all thanks to the staffs, utapri casts, all of you who come today, a lot of others who couldn’t come today, STARISH who opened the path for us. I couldn’t thank all of you enough. Thank you!”

Morikubo : ”To all of you who take us to the world we could never imagine before, to QUARTET NIGHT who gave us the chance to spend this time, thank you very much. (the topic mentioned in prev MCs) It’s true that we’re the one standing closest to our characters. But we’re standing ‘behind’ the characters, the one standing besides them is all of you. You’ll be the one guiding our characters, and so that the four of us could also move forward. This time we’re blessed with a chance to do a 2nd solo live, so of course I intended to do my very best! Experiencing a lot of things, in previous solo live the word “payback” naturally became our theme. And after that we got the chance to stand on 6th live with HEAVENS also joining us. I was happy at that time for the fact that at that time we had ‘future’ performances waiting for us. The words “evolution” “thanks” “kizuna/bonds” of course are still naturally here with us, and we’re about to see what’s going to be the next theme. Did you manage to feel something through us? Thank you. From the day of last solo live up till today, i’m sure QUARTET NIGHT was the one taking all of us to the future we have today. From now on, please keep on standing by your favorite characters! Please create a future for us! We’ll be following from behind. Let’s enjoy it just like that! As long as we have your love and feelings, we’ll keep on advancing. I hope to see you again if the chance comes. I’d be looking forward the day when we could dance, sing, along with STARISH and HEAVENS in front of you again. To all of you on the hall, live-viewing, thank you very much!!”

Morikubo : “Sooo~~ what do we do now? *laughs* Let’s drink the water shall we?” And they drank the water onstage xD love how the audience let out a big reaction and they were like we’re only drinking water here xD After that they had a short MC connecting to the next song

Day 2 Morikubo: “And n-now, for the e-end *stumbled with his words many times* let each of us say our last messages! (him stumbling) It’s my body showing you all my feelings or not wanting it to end!” xD Shoutan: “I can feel it!” Morikubo: “Let us begin with Maeno!” Maenu: “*in camus voice* I refuse!” (audience screams) Shoutan: “So he feels sad!” xD Morikubo: “That’s a convenient word!” Maenu: “*in camus voice* Well, sure i’ll do it. Wait a bit" "closes his eyes for a while and opens it* Maenu: *back to normal “ I’m the one trusted to voice Camus, Maeno Tomoaki. Since October started and we started our rehearsal, almost every night i saw a dream of yesterday and today concerts. Expectations, anxiety, pressure, i’m sure i saw those dreams due to a lot of feelings. And now, to see all of you here, people on the live viewing, spending time together, it all feels like a dream. I’m sure even tomorrow and the day after, i’ll see it on my dreams. As a part of QUARTET NIGHT, i think i managed to create many great memories here. On previous live, our theme was to do “payback” to starish, to utapri and to all of us. And this time too, we talked a lot and decided on a theme but our journey of ‘payback’ will never stop as long as utapri still exists. With that as the foundation, so that a “ final destination” will never come to the future of QUARTET NIGHT, it’s a journey that will never ends. I’ll do my very best so that i could see the back of Camus who’s standing so far in front of me. From now on, please keep on supporting STARISH, HEAVENS, QUARTET NIGHT and utapri. Thank you so much for coming today.”

Shoutan: “This moment finally comes once again.. (audience says ganbare) Thank you! I’m the C.V of Mikaze Ai, Aoi Shouta. Did you have fun? While doing my very best to sing in front of all of you, i keep on thinking about what to say here. I had a lot of things i wanted to say, but whenever this moment comes I can’t put my feelings together.. That’s just how big it is. After the first day ended, we had a little after-party. At that time we talked about how there’s still today. There was still a future called “tomorrow” for us. I’m standing here today with the hope of creating beautiful memories together with all of you here, people on live-viewing and with all of the staffs. With starish opening the path, the four of us then joined in the middle of the story. To be honest, as a member of QUARTET NIGHT, i’d be lying if i say i didn’t feel inferior to others. But the fact that i could stand here right now and be with all of the people who love utapri, like starish and heavens, makes me feel that i’m actually spending the time together with everyone. To stand as a proud member of QUARTET NIGHT, to be someone who supports the utapri series which i really love from the bottom of my heart, that’s what i want Ai to become. That’s why, from now on as a part of QUARTET NIGHT, as Mikaze Ai, i’ll do my very best to liven utapri up. I hope to spend good time with all of you. I’m still no good, but thank you for always being here. From now on, let us love uta no prince-sama together. Thank you very much.” Morikubo: “You’re getting a lot better on giving comments. I talked about that with Maeno on the underground backstage when we were listening to your MC at acoustic corner” And suddenly Shoutan teared up ;;; morikubo then followed him up Morikubo: “Is that some kind of malfunction?” (ref to Ai’s identity) (Audience laughs)

Tattsun : “I play the role of Kurosaki Ranmaru, Suzuki Tatsuhisa. I keep on thinking of what to say. This time, i felt anxious too. Yesterday Showtaro-san said a really good thing. The four of us are standing behind the characters, and the one standing besides them is all of you. I thought it was a really good words. I’m always chasing after him. He runs very fast, you know (audience laughs). He keeps on doing his best and moving forward. He’ll say “I want to do something like this!” “I want to do this kind of performance!” “I’m still nowhere my limit!” and will run even faster. I can’t help but think that “He’s too fast”, and everytime i have the chance to stand on this stage I always feel like it’s way too much for me. For me, objectively speaking as part of the audience, Utapri’s live is so fun. I always get overexcited like an idiot on the backstage. Humming the melodies of the songs. But i wonder if it’s okay for someone like that to stand here. It’s not like that i have something beautiful to show to all of you. But even so, i decided to at least do the very best i could. So that, i can proudly tell him that I’ve done everything i could. So that i could tell him I managed to let out everything he has to show. I’m standing here now so that i could say all of those words. I sincerely hope my thoughts could reach you even if it’s just a bit. The only thing i could do is to give him a voice and to push him forward. With my singing, i can move forward together with him. But the one who could take him further ahead, is all of you. You’re the one who makes it “amazing”. Isn’t it the best? Nothing but the best isn’t it? I really love utapri that gives me the chance to do so. I love STARISH, I love QUARTET NIGHT, and I love HEAVENS. I love everything about it. I could love all of the characters. I just love it so much. From now on there might be both positive comments and criticism. Bring it on! I’ll shoulder everything and stand behind the mic, be it onstage or not, as Kurosaki Ranmaru. No matter what it is, i’ll shoulder it all. I believe it’s all because of something carved deep inside of my heart. That’s why i’ll keep on moving forward just like that. To the future! Thank you so much for today!”

Morikubo: “Did you have fun? And live viewing?” Morikubo: “Just like the other three, i have many things i want to say. I came up with the words after listening to Tatsu’s “I’m the one standing closest to Ranmaru” yesterday. But it feels a bit off if i say ‘beside’ them, because each of us are standing behind quartet night. The one should be beside them is all of you. Please take them to the future, and so the four of us will also follow, that’s what i said yesterday. And such feeling is getting stronger today. Just as what maeno said, we talked about how we should stand on the stage today. A keyword, our share motive. Up till now, it naturally came to us. For example on the previous live it naturally came to us on our LINE group chat. We then just naturally agreed on it. And having a keyword/theme managed to bring us together as a group. “If the four of us are together we feel at ease” we talked earlier was also something like that. This time, actually until the day before, we had no such keyword. But that’s actually something to be grateful about. In the past there were a lot of things, a lot of stories and hardships that built up and naturally provided us with a keyword. But this time, when we realized it we have nothing like that. That means we’re just purely advancing towards the live. Rather than something like “Let’s beat something!”, it was purely “Let’s do the live!” kind of feeling. But in return, then it was hard to come up with a keyword. We were wondering if we should have one. The day before the live, this time too, Tatsuhisa started asking about it. I came up and say something like “Do you have a bit of time? Why don’t we gather and talk about it? It won’t take long” on our group LINE. Because the next day we have to wake up early, Maeno was about to stop us but suddenly he got no signal and it was unsent!” Maenu: “He said something like that on 12 pm when the day was about to change and we were all tired after practice!” Tattsun: “It can’t be helped! It crossed my mind when doing the rehearsal!!” Maenu: “So i was about to send a message about how we should just talk about it the day after, but suddenly i had no signal and it was unsent! Afterwards, the others were ready to do it so i have no choice but to erase that message.” Tattsun: “So that’s why! I thought it was rare for you to say nothing” Maenu: “And so in the end.. *gets it back to Morikubo*” Morikubo: “We ended up talking about a lot of things. Looking back at stuffs we’ve done in the past, and a lot more. And so a keyword was born. I won’t say it here. It’s the best to feel it through our performance. But there was talk about DVD just now, so maybe~ they will have a commentary video or something right? I’m not sure, i haven’t heard anything about it! But we stood onstage with that keyword on mind. I’ll be happy if each of you could feel it through our performances. And if someday the chance comes, we’ll talk about it there and not right now. This time we’ve done everything, the best of the best we could’ve done. We’re doing our best to chase after QUARTET NIGHT. If they move forward, we’ll do so too. We believe that all of you will take them even further. But Maeno, Aoi, Suzuki and Morikubo who are standing here right now, had done everything we could possible do. If you’re okay with us, if you’re okay with this kind of atmosphere and performance, the four of us will be more than happy to stand on the stage again! We’re serious about them. I’m sorry, but even if you try and search through the whole world, you won’t find someone who is as serious as we are toward them. Please believe in us for that matter! Please take them to the future. Will you show us the future?” (audience cheers) Morikubo: “Thank you! Thank you very much for today!” They then talked about how it’s not like them to be emotional. But then no one continued the convo bc they don’t want it to end and Morikubo was like ??!? Morikubo: “I understand that feeling! But! I’m not going to take up that offer again! I’ve became an adult” (He meant the scene on 1st live when they talked about not wanting it to end and he lay his body on the floor and sulked xD) And they finally got it into next song

23. GOD'S S.T.A.R The serifu at the beginning completely changed! *u* This song was so fun to do!!! The call and response was extremely fun and the hall was fully heated up by this song. It's probs hard to get the hype of this song if you haven't experienced this song live and only see this song on videos. BUT THIS IS the song that got the audience fired up/hyped more than any other song. The choreography was similar to QN 1st live and 6th live. I remember Maenu went down on his knees at some point at the reff and people around me went crazy over it!

Double encore I had feeling there would be double encore considering the amount of song they did plus they weren't changing into encore T-shirt on 1st encore. This time they had live t-shirt, Maenu wore camus prince parka on top of it. Day 1 Morikubo: “This is the first time we had double encore right? *audience cheers* Let’s go to the last song, the one that will unite all of us together. Let us begin!” *silent of other members xD* Morikubo: “Mmm?! We’re not starting?! You three had that kind of faces (of not wanting to start next song)” Tattsun: “If it’s possible i just want to get closer to everyone/audience”| Morikubo: “And now you’re saying something like that again~ Let’s do it shall we?” Day2 Morikubo: “Thank you for the double encore! I was worried all of you would just return home after that..” Morikubo: “It seems like we’re allowed to sing one more song!” Shoutan: “Yaay!” Tattsun: “There’s still that one song we haven’t sung, isn’t it?” Morikubo: “Let us sing that song! But please remember that when it comes to our feelings, we’re actually super ready to do another day or two!” Tattsun: “If it 's possible, to be honest i really want to do it” Morikubo: “We keep on talking about stuffs like that! But those feelings, please use that feelings to create a path to future!” And they started with the next song ;;

24. You're my life It seems like we need this song to end every QN solo con and i’m totally not complaining! They went around the hall with carts and the whole performance was similar with QN 1st live, except they were a lot cheerier and weren't crying that much?? (edit on 2nd day they did look teary) Since they were circling around, i also got the chance to see all of them up-close! ;; We were also singing lalalala part like in QN 1st solo con! I really love their smile at this song ;; they look like they were having tons of fun Audience also sang last "Kimi no moto ni todoke~" together and it was really touching. 2nd day "Kimi no moto ni todoke~~~~~~" was really long. On 2nd day i also remember the moment carts pass each other they did hi-touch with each other! tattsun and shoutan also had a hug? at one part

When they were doing the farewell greeting they went around like how it usually goes, fly to the future instrumental was playing on the background and the audience sang the "Fly to the future" part together ;; it was really touching!! At first day they weren't crying but i saw shoutan and maenu having teary eyes.

Day 2 Shoutan was crying a bit, at one point he was crouching down and hid his face. On 2nd day audience was singing along to fly to the future too and they took off their in-ear monitor to listen to our voices and they looked really touched by it ;; They hugged each other starting from tattsun and maenu and so on. I remember tattsun and shoutan hug was a bit longer bc shoutan got so emotional and tattsun comforted him and patted his head ;; Shoutan was tearing up but at last moment before stage closes he smiled and it was memorable. When the stage was closing shoutan dragged morikubo close to him and shoutan+morikubo+tattsun peek through the remaining open gap and at last seconds Maenu also went to the middle except i could only see his rings in dark xD Also, can you believe that all of us the audience keep on singing along to the instrumental ver of QN songs (god’s star) EVEN AFTER the live ended? That’s just how cooperative and interactive the audiences were for both days and It was a BLAST. I felt so glad to be able to take part on it. The audience was extremely passionate and i’m sure you’d be able to feel it too even through BD/DVD vids.

This felt awfully short compared to previous live maybe because the amount of the song! instead we got a lot of MCs tho. Utapri, thank you so much for getting all of these awesome people together. I can’t understand tbh, how did producer Agematsu gather four people whose voices blend like heaven even tho they have such a different voice characters...? Plus they also harmonize like heaven and perform really well.. I’m just so grateful I discovered such an amazing group.

(From Morikubo’s tweet!) Thank you so much for reading and i hope all of you love Quartet Night as much as i do ♡

#utapri #suzuki tatsuhisa #aoi shouta #maeno tomoaki #morikubo showtaro #quartet night

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boymeetsweevil · 5 years

Text

idk

Not FS but this has been sitting in my drafts and i need to declutter:

Namjoon is adding the last few edits to an organic chemistry textbook when you come bursting through his front door. Somehow he was too involved in the incorrect placement of a Hydroxide molecule to hear the sound of the spare key unlocking the door.

He jumps at the sudden intrusion, blinking owlishly in your direction before squinting at your silhouette.

“I didn’t think you’d stop by after a 30 hour shift.” He pushes his glasses back up the bridge of his nose.

“I did. Mica was out yesterday with food poisoning and I’m the only one who can draw blood without damaging any muscle so it had to be me.” You shrug off your white lab coat with a satisfied smile. “You have 60 seconds to finish up whatever that is.”

“Oh, I’m—I’m actually almost done with this. It’s the end of the orgo textbook.”

“Yeah?” You toe off your shoes, then begin to pull off your scrubs. “Even though the author keeps putting the wrong formulas in the chapter summaries?”

“I actually finished combing through those last week. The reason I had to keep working on it was because his diagrams seemed to have extraneous carbons.”

“But you figured it out, right?”

“Y-Yeah, I did. It turns out that its the printer’s fault, since they keep miscoloring some of the carbons and it could lead to studens’ confusion since the atoms are often color-coded instead of labeled in the diagrams.”

“That’s good,” You strip off your loose scrub shirt and the thermal underneath.

As soon as the matching pale yellow bottoms and panties hit the floor, his breathing speeds up. He knows he should probably get used to the sight, but even after months of your arrangement, he still gets heart palpitations when you take off your clothes. He’d ask you to check it out, but you’d probably yell at him and ignore his texts for a week.

Strictly speaking, he’s just there to help you scratch an itch. And you help him—that’s why you show up at his apartment in the middle of the night so often. If anyone asked you, it works because you live nearby and your schedules are similar and because your moms are friends. If anyone asked Namjoon, he’s in it because it’s you. If you had asked him to meet up a few times a week to brush your hair, he’d do it.

“Can we move onto something else,” your smile as you stalk towards him is slow and predatory. “Organic chemistry isn’t very sexy.”

“I don’t know,” he smiles back, a dimple popping out. “I think it’s pretty cool.”

His tone is candid enough that is gives you pause for a few seconds before letting out a laugh in spite of yourself.

“You’re such a strange man.”

You straddle him and his hands automatically gravitate towards your thighs. Right as you begin marking up his neck, he clears his throat as best he can.

“Hmm?”

“Do you,” he chokes on his breath when your hand sneaks under the waistband of his sweats, “Do you want to go to this brunch place in the morning? I can drop you off at work after.”

You sigh into the shell of his ear, causing him to shiver. “Joon, the bed at my place works perfectly fine. Besides...sleeping over is a girlfriend thing.”

“It doesn’t have to be, though.”

His gaze is too open and sad for your liking, so you tug the cozy waffle shirt he’s wearing over his head, leaving his hair endearingly mussed. The pout he had earlier is still there and you attempt to kiss it away. He always gives in when you cup his face in your hands while kissing him.

“Why ruin a good thing with feelings?” With that, you pull down his sweats, ready to get to business.

“Wait. Are you wet enough? You just got here.”

“I’ve been wet since I called a cab over here 20 minutes ago.”

You sink down his length before he can propose more foreplay.

When Namjoon wakes up, its barely morning, if his alarm clock is to be trusted. Blue light is seeping out through the slots of his blinds, gently illuminating the bedroom. There’s some rustling in the opposite direction and he turns his head, squinting at the blurry shapes of his room. He finds you shimmying into your clothes. It seems as though you haven’t realized that you woke him up, given that you’re top toeing around like you’re trying not to disturb him.

This isn’t the first time he’s watched you leave his apartment in the wee hours of the morning. Each time he’s caught you, he managed to grab onto your hand and offer up the empty half of his bed once more. Each time you’d given him a look filled with pity and gently pried your hand out of his grasp with some equally gentle excuse. This time he doesn’t say anything. Instead he turns over so he doesn’t have to watch you leave.

When the sound of the front closing rings through the house, he picks up his phone and sends a text.

(KNJ) 5:12 - I can’t do this anymore. Sorry

#idk what this is #but its there

64 notes · View notes

thotantics · 6 years

Text

Broken Hearts Club

⚤ pairing — reader + Oh Sehun (exo)

✎ word count — 6.7k

✦ genre — slight angst, smut, porn WITH a plot

✗ warnings — graphic description of sex, alcohol use, strong language etc

[ A/N ] !!PART TWO COMING SOON!! SO I actually really worked hard on this. I made an outline, wrote a rough draft, edited this sucker and everything. I really hope you enjoy it. :)) (ps idk why I used Seokjin in this? he just felt like such a great crush to have idk sldkxduo) Requested — “Could he make you feel as good as I do?” + “We’re not just friends and you fucking know it”

As you sit in silence on Sehun’s bedroom floor, you look over at him. Tall and handsome, his limbs stretched out on his bed, taking up so much room you briefly wondered how he ever managed to fit a girl in there.

The intrusive thought was followed by a brief line of questions in your mind; what kind of girl he liked, how many different girls he’d had in that bed that seemed way too small for his big frame, and lastly you briefly thought to yourself that Sehun was probably a good fuck.

It’s nothing you hadn’t considered before. He’s gorgeous and he carries himself with this sort of quiet confidence that was definitely intimidating at times. Each movement from him seemed graceful and deliberate, it was easy for anybody to see that Oh Sehun was an attractive man.

Plus, you knew him very well. Having been friends for a couple of years, you had shared so many conversations that lasted late into the night - you knew he was supportive, intelligent, passionate, and that he valued your friendship. So when your brain conjured up a random, fleeting thought about Sehun trying to fit a woman into his bed that seemed too small, and then you thought about sex, your next thought pattern led to you skirting around a confession to your long time friend.

“Sehunnie…” You said carefully, attempting to gain his attention away from his phone. He lifted his eyebrows to acknowledge that he was listening, eyes still on the screen.

“If I tell you something, do you promise not to judge me?”

This caught his attention, and he looked over, sitting up slowly on the edge of the bed so he could focus on you. “Of course.” He replied simply.

Taking a deep breath, you let out the words you’d been holding on to for weeks, “I think I’m in love with Kim Seokjin.”

For a long while, Sehun was unreadable. You had hoped saying it out loud would somehow help you make sense of the way you felt, or figure out what to do about it, but looking at your friend’s unreadable expression you couldn’t help but regret ever having told him this in the first place. Besides, it wasn’t like your friendship together had any sort of basis in sharing these types of things with one another. He had never told you about any girlfriends or crushes or dates. It just wasn’t a topic either of you ever brought up and now that you realized it, you felt a little bit ridiculous for blurting it out.

You were about to apologize, to tell Sehun to forget you ever said anything when he finally spoke up.

“Why him?”

You hesitated, not really quite sure how to answer him. “Um. Well…he’s handsome but it’s…more than that. My heart kind of feels really warm and I get all tingly when I’m near him. That’s what love feels like, I guess. Right?”

Sehun laid back down in his bed and said in a bored tone, “I wouldn’t know,” before he grabbed his phone once more, “You hardly know the guy, though, I do know that.”

“I know him well enough.” You countered, “We’ve hung out.”

“Fine. So you’re in love. When’s the wedding?”

“I don’t appreciate the sarcasm.” You told him with a frown. “I was hoping you’d be supportive.”

“What do you want me to do? I don’t care if you have feelings for Kim Seokjin. Tell Kim Seokjin and let him do something about it. It’s none of my business.” And with that, he lifted his phone back in front of his face.

Clearly the subject made him uncomfortable. You attempted to apologize a bit later, but he dismissed your apology with a kiss to your forehead, a tender sign of affection that a man like Sehun reserved for special women in his life - you’d seen him kiss his mother and grandmother the exact same way, and it warmed your heart.

“Don’t worry about it.” He told you. “It’s just weird to think of you…never mind.”

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” You told him, “I just trust your opinion and I’ve just been feeling down because of this stupid crush.” There’s a moment of hesitance before you decide it couldn’t hurt to ask, “Do you think he could like me back?”

Sehun sighed heavily, “He’d be an idiot not to.”

A small group of mutual friends were having dinner and you overheard Chanyeol telling Minseok that Sehun had canceled at the last minute.

“What’s wrong? Is he ok?” You asked Chanyeol.

“I’m not sure.” Chanyeol admitted, “I think he’s having dating troubles or something. He’s just been quiet and kind of down lately.” He shrugged, “Whatever it is, you know how he gets when he’s down - he doesn’t open up easily, but he can handle it on his own.”

“Yeah.” You mumbled, “I hope so. I had a horror movie marathon by myself last week...normally Sehun joins me but he didn’t respond to my texts.”

“Next time text me.” Chanyeol nudged you with his elbow. “You never invite me over anymore.”

“Sorry, Channie, I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately.” You sigh.

“Are you coming to Namjoon’s party this weekend?” Chanyeol asked excitedly, “It’ll help take your mind off of things.”

“Actually, yeah.” You nodded, “I’d love to.”

Chanyeol texted you the info to Namjoon’s surprise birthday party later that night, and you found out the party was being thrown by Seokjin at his apartment. Work was stressful for the rest of the week, and in your spare time you started to think the party that weekend would be a good opportunity for you to confess your feelings to Seokjin.

You texted him to let him know you were coming and casually asked if he needed any help setting things up or maybe buying drinks or food. He replied back that he had everything under control, but he was looking forward to seeing you.

With your confidence boosted by his text, you decided to get yourself a really cute new outfit for Namjoon’s party. The night of, you were holed up in your bathroom for a solid two hours getting ready, but by the time you arrived at Jin’s apartment, you looked good, you felt good, and the atmosphere was perfect.

The place was packed with a lot of familiar faces as well as some people you didn’t know. You sought out Namjoon first, gifting him with the present you had gotten him and congratulating him on his birthday. Around you, people were dancing to music, voices were chatting, people were singing and laughing and drinking.

“Here,” Namjoon said, offering you a red plastic cup. “There’s food in the kitchen if you’re hungry. You look great tonight, by the way.”

“Thank you!” You smile, “Wow, Jin really went all out for your party, didn’t he?”

“Yeah, I was so surprised. I thought I’d get maybe a cake and six guys loudly and badly singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to me, I definitely didn’t expect all of this.” Namjoon said with a laugh.

“You deserve all of this and more.” You said, “You’re one of the nicest people I know, Kim Namjoon.”

He blushed, smiling shyly, “Thanks, Y/N.”

“I don’t want to keep you from mingling with your guests,” You said, nodding over his shoulder at someone you didn’t recognize approaching to get his attention, “Happy Birthday again, Joonie.”

“Thanks, Y/N! Have a good night, come and find me if you get hungry, I think I’ll mainly stick to the kitchen.” He laughed, “Taehyung bought the biggest cake I’ve ever seen, it’s like five tiers!”

Laughing, you watch as Namjoon heads to the kitchen with the person who approached him across the room, bragging about the aforementioned cake with big, exaggerated hand gestures. Shaking your head fondly, you turn and briefly scan the faces around you before you head out of the room to look around for the host of the party, the broad-shouldered man who had been running through your mind so frequently for the last few months.

Your stomach is in knots and your head is a little dizzy already, a side effect of your nervous state but the alcohol definitely wasn’t doing you any favors. You finish your first drink and are nursing your second before you find Seokjin. He was out on the balcony with a few others, and you begin to approach him when he spots you and excitedly turns to the person next to him.

“Hey! Babe, I want you to meet my friend!” Seokjin motioned you over, and gestured to the woman on his right. “Y/N, this is my date, Jiwoo, Jiwoo, this is Y/N.”

Your heart sank. Your throat constricted. You reach forward to shake hands with the attractive young woman that Seokjin was proudly introducing you to. “H-hi,” You managed to choke out, “How are you?”

“Hi, I’m fine, and yourself?” She replied, smiling pleasantly at you.

“You two would be really good friends,” Jin told his date before you could stutter out a reply to her. “You remind me of each other.”

Jiwoo smiles sweetly at you, and she chuckles when she speaks to you next but you don’t hear her. Whatever she said made Seokjin laugh and he tucked one arm around her waist. “Ah, really, that’s why Y/N has always been such a good friend, her sense of humor reminds me so much of yours, babe.”

You were spiraling, the alcohol in your bloodstream was probably making this whole situation a lot worse than it actually was, but all you knew for sure was you needed to get out of there, to get away from the two of them, and now. Jiwoo spoke again, teasing Jin and asking if he had a crush on you, but before you could even attempt to try and listen to him respond, you interrupt.

“E-excuse me.” You stuttered, “I-I have to…to…” Unable to form any more coherent words, you rush back inside the apartment. The buzz of the party-goers around you was giving you an instant headache. Tears were welling up in your eyes and your throat was so tight it felt like your breath couldn’t escape your lungs. Your vision seemed to be tunneling, and you worried for a moment that you might actually pass out. Scrambling past the people in your way, you made your way up the stairs and into the farthest bathroom, away from the noise.

You shut the door and immediately slumped over the counter, sobbing so hard your entire frame was shaking. The sorrow made your ribs ache. Seokjin could have liked you, but you were too late. He compared you to his date, and was so enthusiastic for you to meet her. If you had stayed long enough to hear him respond to his date’s joke about having a crush on you, it would have ruined your self-esteem to hear his denial. Or even worse, if he had admitted he had a crush on you and that you really had been too late, you would never forgive yourself. The hurt was piercing you so deeply that you wondered if you could ever be friends with him after this. Your knees weren’t strong enough to hold you, and you sank onto the edge of the tub, burying your face in your hands, and you cried your heart out.

Sehun had only just walked in the front door when he spotted you weaving through the crowd, tears welling your eyes, the expression on your face easy for him to read, but even still he didn’t imagine he would open the bathroom door to find you perched on the edge of the tub, shaking as heavy sobs left your frame. The sound of the door alerted you, and you lifted your head, meeting his gaze. He saw the pain in your eyes, bloodshot and puffy, your makeup smeared all over your face, your hair in tangles.

“What happened?” He asked, shutting the door and dropping to his knees in front of you, “Did someone do this?” You weren’t answering his questions fast enough, sniffling, wiping your cheeks off on your sleeves, “Talk to me.” He encouraged you gently, fear beginning to well up inside of him.

“I was going to confess to Seokjin.” You told him regretfully, “He’s here with someone else. She was teasing him about having a crush on me and I-I just…I had to get out of there.”

For a few moments, Sehun just sat there in front of you, staring up at you while you attempted to wipe your face clean on your brand new clothes, angry you spent money on a confession you never even got to follow through on. After a while, you meet his eyes, feeling vulnerable.

“What?” You ask him quietly.

“You’re really up here hiding away in a bathroom, looking like a complete mess, because you didn’t get to confess a crush to some guy you barely know?” Sehun asks you, and when you stare at him sadly and don’t respond, he pulls away from you, standing and pacing to the other end of the bathroom, “Jesus Christ, you cannot be this stupid?”

Frowning, you tell him defensively, “You don’t have to be so mean about it.”

“Oh, princess, trust me, I’m not being mean. This is not mean. This is me asking you, sincerely, if you’re a fucking idiot or not.” Sehun pointed a finger at you, “I followed you in here because I thought something bad had happened. I thought someone hurt you! I didn’t know you’d be in here throwing a little cry-baby temper tantrum because the boy you like has a new girlfriend.”

“Stop being so mean!” You snap at him, “It hurt my feelings, and you’re making it even worse, ok? So just stop!”

“Aw, are your feelings hurt? Well I’m sorry. But guess what? You hurt me the same way that Kim Seokjin hurt you, but I didn’t run off to the bathroom to hide and cry like a little brat. I still showed up tonight, didn’t I? I was hoping to put it past us. I’m being mature and trying to move on. I was hoping you could see that I’ve gotten over it, that I’m over you, that I-”

“Wait, woah, stop.” You cut him off, holding up your hands, “What the hell are you talking about? You’re over what?”

Sehun scoffs, rolling his eyes, “Yeah, ok.”

“Seriously.” You insist, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, how did I hurt you? It wasn’t on purpose, Sehunnie, you should know that…we’ve been such good friends for so long, I would never intentionally hurt you-”

“We’re not just friends and you fucking know it.” Sehun snaps, this time cutting you off before you could finish. You stare at him with big eyes, sadness still evident in them, and as he looks back at you, he realizes one big mistake that he’d made. You were looking up at him with sadness and tenderness in your watery eyes, realizing only at that moment how you felt was how Sehun had been feeling since you admitted your feelings for Seokjin to him. Everything suddenly made sense - his attitude and his absence since that night, the way he was upset with you now. And you feel like a complete idiot for not having figured all of this out sooner.

“I thought…” You begin, your voice small and cracking a bit, so you clear your throat. “I thought we were best friends.”

“I never wanted to be your friend.” Sehun tells you, “I always wanted to be with you.”

Feeling guilty for assuming the worst, for being bitter and angry thinking that you knew all along of his feelings for you and simply didn’t care about hurting him, Sehun moves to sit on the edge of the tub with you, and he gently takes your hand.

“We are best friends.” He assures you quietly. “I love the time we’ve spent together. I’ve been missing you a lot lately, even though hearing you were in love with someone else was really…hard for me to deal with.”

“I’m sorry for hurting you.” You tell him, fresh tears falling down your face now but these ones weren’t for Kim Seokjin, these ones were for Sehun, and he feels the full weight of each droplet fall heavy on his shoulders.

“I really didn’t know.” You insist between sniffles, “I mean, you never really, like, flirt with me or anything. You’ve never told me how you feel. I’m so sorry, Sehunnie, I feel awful.”

He turns and lifts your shoulders, preventing you from slumping down and crying harder, and he cups your cheeks in both hands, swiping under your eyes tenderly with his thumbs, “Don’t cry.” He tells you, “You’ve done enough of that.”

“But I feel so bad.” You tell him, sniffling and trying hard to fight back your tears as his hands move to tuck your hair behind your ears. “I really am stupid, aren’t I?”

“No, no, no, don’t say that. I shouldn’t have said that...I was just angry. I’m sorry.” He sighs heavily before he continues with a defeated tone, “I didn’t flirt with you. Not because I wasn’t into you, because I was...so, so much. I was just trying to show you that I was interested in more than just hooking up or whatever. Do you think I treated all of my friends the way I do you?”

You shrug your shoulders, “I don’t know, I never really thought about it. I just…enjoyed your company. I never second guessed your actions or your words. I always took everything at face value and…god, Sehun, you should have told me.”

He laughs lightly, easing the tension some, which you’re grateful for. “I wouldn’t stay up all night long talking to Junmyeon on the phone.” He points out, “I don’t let Jongin lay in my lap, I don’t try to braid Chanyeol’s hair.” You laugh at the mental picture all of that conjures, and Sehun smiles sweetly at you. “Ah, you really are a stupid girl, aren’t you?”

You shove his chest lightly, “Give me a break.”

”I have!” Sehun insists , “So many times!” He tosses his hands up exasperatedly, “Other than out right yelling directly in your face that I’m in love with you, I tried everything I could think of to make you feel special to me, because you are.”

At this, you stare at him in awe, nearly on the verge of tears again. Sehun looked vulnerable for the first time since you met him - maybe he hadn’t meant to let that word slip out, but you could tell that he meant it, and even though it made your heart soar, it was breaking, too.

“You love me?” You ask him quietly, unable to form any other coherent words, and he looks down, glancing away from your face nervously.

For a while, he doesn’t answer you, and you were feeling the guilt piling up. It was clear that you had hurt Sehun deeply, obviously much more than this silly, immature encounter with Seokjin had hurt you. You were about to start apologizing all over again when he spoke, under his breath and without looking up at you.

“Do you remember that day I had off last year, when you needed a ride back from the airport? I was exhausted. I had been working hard the whole time you were away, it was my only day off, and I picked you up from the airport and took you to dinner?”

You nod your head, remembering that day very clearly. Sehun had been so tired, physically and mentally, but you hadn’t been back home to Seoul in over a month and the two of you had been so excited to see one another, despite your late arrival, you went out for dinner and stayed up almost the whole night.

“I must have tried to kiss you a hundred times that night.” He recalls with a soft smile, his eyes lifting to meet your own, to gauge your reaction. The regret was clear in your eyes, the subtle, natural pout to your lips was tempting to kiss away, but Sehun held back. Instead, he gently reaches out and strokes your cheek, his thumb lightly trailing down to brush your lips instead, unable to resist the plushness.

“You should have kissed me.” You breathe, wishing more than anything you could somehow turn back time and change things.

“I guess so.” He sighs, his hand dropping from your face and back to his side. “I’m not the kind of man that easily opens up about the way that I feel.” He says, “You know that already.”

“I know.” You murmur sadly.

“What I tried to do, all along, was show you with my actions how I felt. Feel.” He says carefully, “How I…have felt and still feel…about you.”

You gulp, feeling stupid and small that this whole thing was playing out like this. It was your fault, you could see that now. You knew Sehun well enough, after all the time you spent together, that if you had really been paying attention, you would have noticed. Looking back on it now, it’s clear to you how oblivious you had been and how negligent you were of his feelings and the way he treated you.

“I can’t take it back,” You tell him regretfully. “I feel like the worst person in the world because I couldn’t see it, but I can’t change that. I’m sorry.”

For another long moment, you’re both silent, shyly and almost mournfully regarding one another. Neither of you knew what was coming next, but you were certain that Sehun could see your heart pounding in your veins, you were so nervous. Would your friendship be ruined by this? Could you return to normal somehow, or were you expected to find a new normal to adjust to? If so, what did that entail?

All these thoughts were swimming in your head, fueling your anxiety, making you want to cry all over again, but there was only one thought in Sehun’s head in that moment. He was staring directly at your lips, the way they turned down and looked especially full and pouty. He couldn’t stop thinking about kissing you, but he was holding back, afraid he would drive you away.

“You’re the best person I know, Y/N,” Sehun tells you gently, cupping your cheek softly, his heart bursting with warmth when you nuzzle into his touch slightly. “Maybe in the beginning, I was too afraid to make any real moves, I’ll admit it. After some time, I subconsciously was trying not to ruin our friendship. We both made the same mistake. You were too late to confess to Seokjin and I was too late to confess to you.”

“It’s not too late.” You tell him, your chest aching like your ribs were going to open up and offer him your beating heart. “You told me, I know now. It’s not too late.”

He starts to argue with you, but you cut him off, shaking your head, “It took us this long because maybe you were too afraid in the beginning and maybe I was too clueless this whole time, but it’s not too late if I know now. It can’t be...please don’t let it be too late, Sehun, I-I don’t think I could bear it.”

There’s a fire igniting in his belly, and Sehun sees the way you’re looking at his lips, and he doesn’t make the same mistake he made countless times in the span of your friendship - this time, he cups your cheek, his thumb brushes your bottom lip, drawing it down and pressing gently into the softness, and then he leans forward and presses his lips to yours. His kiss is gentle and hesitant, coupled with your trembling hands reaching for his shirt, clinging to the bottom hem desperately. Just the slightest pressure from his lips, no movement, no tongue, but he takes a breath in and it feels like he’s drawing it directly out of your lungs, and you shift forward just a little closer, trying to mold against him.

You part your lips, inviting him to deepen the kiss, but instead Sehun pulls away. He looks down at you with all the love and adoration in the universe shining out from his eyes before he moves back in, his eyes falling shut as he meets your mouth again. This time, he moves. Soft as silk and slow as he can stand. He smooths his lips repeatedly over yours before he finally deepens the kiss, pressing his tongue past your lips.

With his hands gently cradling your face, he tilts your head to the side a little, and you moan into his mouth as you taste the beer from your tongue and the passion on his lips. Your hands, now fisted and twisting the bottom of his shirt, were just about to trail down and feel the smooth skin of his stomach when Sehun pulls away from you again.

He chuckles because you groan in protest, but he still holds onto your shoulders to keep you steady and hold you an arms length away from him. He’s struggling already to catch his breath, but he’s looking at you intently, trying hard to focus.

“You’re drunk.” He states regretfully. “This isn’t the way I wanna do this, Y/N.”

“Sehunnie, I’ve barely had two drinks, and anyway, we’ve already wasted so much time.” You remind him, tugging lightly on his shirt and he gives in easily, letting you press up against his chest again, “Kiss me.”

He indulges you for a moment, pressing his lips firmly to yours in a chaste kiss before he looks down at you, his brow furrowed in concern. “I’m not trying to hook up with you tonight, Y/N. I don’t want that.” For a moment, your heart sinks, and as you stare up at him, nodding softly, you realize he wasn’t finished. His hand comes back to your cheek, cradling your face. “I want to be with you.” He said.

Your face is burning, and you couldn’t have hidden your 1,000-watt smile if you had wanted to, so instead you beam up at Sehun, someone you trusted, admired and you were certain now someone you had loved for a very long time. It was the sort of love that always existed between you, comfortable, never leaving you with questions or doubts. Your friendship had come naturally and, as you stand up on your tiptoes to take the lead and capture his lips, you felt a warmth spreading through your chest as you hoped that the next step of your relationship was starting right now.

Sehun doesn’t pull away from you this time. He lets you kiss him however you want, relishing in the feel of your silken lips and the insistence of your tongue exploring his mouth. You need to map him out, to memorize every detail of his mouth, now. This was someone you had known so intimately for so long, and yet these minute things, like the way his teeth feel bumping into yours or the very slight scruff on his chin rubbing into yours were new, and it filled you with excitement.

He hums into the kiss, the vibration against your lips makes you smile and your eyes flutter open briefly to see he’s looking back at you, and you burst into giggles.

“What?” He laughs, “Is this weird?”

“No! Not at all.” You insist, “It feels…good. It feels really good..”

The smile he gives you is brighter than the sun and warms you up from the inside out. He comes back to kiss you again and you smooth your hands up his chest, laying them flat, feeling his heart pounding under your right palm. It soothes you to know that his heart is racing just as fast as yours.

The distant, faded sounds of the party downstairs are drowned out, muffled by the sound of his heavy breathing as the kiss you share now grows into something more. His hands move from your waist to your back, pressing you more tightly against him than before, and he slips one hand under the hem of your shirt, feeling the warm skin of your lower back. It doesn’t take long before soft sounds were leaving your lips, swallowed up by Sehun’s hungry mouth. He wants to hear you whimper into him more and more, and he keeps pushing further, eventually moving one hand around and gingerly palming your breast through your shirt.

You gasp, arching your back and thrusting your breast into his hand, and in a desperate attempt to feel his skin, you began to claw at his shirt, pulling it upwards and panting against his mouth.

“Take this off.” You breathe raggedly against his lips.

Sehun untangles from you long enough to discard his shirt on the bathroom floor, desperate to press against you with less clothing on, walking you backward until he could lift you and sit you on the counter by the sink. Your legs wrap around his waist and you tug his hair to keep his mouth on yours, even as his hands push up your shirt and he holds you by the ribs, moaning against your tongue as you pulled at his hair lightly.

“Wanna touch you.” Sehun mumbles into the kiss, breaking away from your mouth to catch his breath and look down at you seriously for a second, “I promise I can make you feel good.”

“I know.” You pant, lifting your shirt over your head and tossing it to the side, “I want you to touch me, Sehunnie.”

You thought with nothing but your bra standing in his way, that Sehun would want to go for your tits but instead, he drops to his knees in front of you, so he was staring at the ridiculously skimpy skirt you had bought just for this evening. You felt exposed and just a little bit ridiculous as his hands bunch the material up around your waist, exposing the front of your panties. Blushing hard, you watch as Sehun licks his lips and his eyes flicker back up to meet yours. He was asking for permission with his eyes, gentle and caring. You nod your head, and he looks back down, his hands reaching for your thighs first, rubbing smoothly up and down your soft skin.

“You got all dressed up tonight.” He points out, causing you to blush deeper and hide your face in shame.

“Yeah, I did.” You say, gasping because Sehun chose that moment to run his fingers very delicately down the front of your panties, tracing your slit through the material.

“Did you wear these for him?” He asks you, but his voice is calm and curious. You falter, unsure what he wants you to say. When he looks back up at you, he smirks, “Yeah, of course, you did. You wouldn’t wear sexy panties and a matching bra like this unless you wanted somebody to see it.”

“That’s not true.” You murmur a half-developed argument, “Maybe I wanted to wear it for myself.”

“Don’t lie to me, Y/N. You’re a bad liar.”

You start to say something back, but all thought is wiped from your brain when Sehun pulls the material of your panties to the side and suddenly his fingers are grazing your bare flesh. You twitch, sensitive, and he’s looking at you so carefully that you almost want to hide, it feels so intimate.

“But he didn’t make you wet like this,” Sehun says, parting your lower lips and taking in the sight of your glistening sex. “Who made you this wet?”

“Y…you did.” You stutter, face burning white-hot with embarrassment.

“That’s right.” Sehun smiles up at you, tugging your panties even more firmly to the side, “I did.” and with that, he leans down plant a kiss at the cleft of your pussy, his eyes locked on yours.

You gasp, thighs jerking, and Sehun grips them firmly to keep them spread, and he kisses you again, and again until you aren’t so sensitive anymore. You watch him with your mouth agape, nearly drooling at the sight of his lips on you like this. Then he licks. Gently over your outer labia at first, but then he licks deeper, moaning against you when he tastes the slickness of your arousal pooling against his tongue.

Sehun’s mouth is hot and greedy, licking deep against your hole and flicking insistently against your clit, sucking and swallowing and groaning against you all the while. Your head is spinning and you can’t look away from him. His mouth was intoxicating against yours but to have him between your thighs like this was something far more addictive and something all together cosmic.

You’re already about to cum when he inserts the first finger into you. You buck your hips into his face and feel him smirk, and his eyes focus on yours again and you know that he knows. And then he stops.

You’re about to protest weakly, to accuse him of being a tease when he stands up and his hands move to the button and zipper of his jeans. It shuts you up in a hurry and you sit there, legs spread, cunt dripping, and watch with your mouth practically watering as he pulls out his thick, heavy cock. Sehun strokes himself a couple of times as he looks you over.

“God, Y/N, you’re so beautiful. Do you want me to fuck you?”

Nodding eagerly, you swallow past a lump in your throat, forcing yourself to make eye contact with him. “Yes, Sehunnie, please.”

“Scoot a little closer to the edge.” He tells you, gripping your thighs and tugging you slightly to aid in your movements. He steps between your thighs and then reaches into his pocket for a condom before he shoves his jeans off the rest of the way so they don’t inhibit his movement. You trace his abs lightly with curious fingers as he rolls the condom down the length of his erection, and he tells you in a low whisper, “I’ve wanted this for so long, Y/N.”

You feel compelled to tell him that you’re sorry yet again, but he kisses the words from your lips and without wasting any more time, pushes himself inside of you. Sehun groans with you when he’s inside, and he thrusts in deeper, bottoming out while you gasp and cling onto him. Your legs wrap around his waist and your arms around his shoulders, and Sehun kisses you slowly and keeps himself still, letting you adjust. You feel impossibly tight, clenching around his cock and trembling. When he does start moving, he pulls back from your mouth and looks down between you at where you’re joined. He’s already coated in your arousal, sticky and wet with each plunge back inside your depths, and even though he hasn’t had a single drink tonight, he feels drunk on the sight alone.

“Fuck.” He hisses, squeezing tightly your waist and drawing you further off of the counter. He’s practically holding your weight on his own now, only using the counter to balance himself, and he’s slamming into you deeply. “Fuck!”

Shaking and moaning uncontrollably, you’re on the edge of orgasm again and you begin to claw at Sehun’s back and shoulders, trying to keep him pressed tightly to you while your hips roll to gain friction on your clit. It’s only been a couple of minutes and Sehun can feel when you start to cum around him, your inner walls rhythmically squeezing and pulsing around his cock, and he feels victorious.

“Could he make you feel as good as I do?” He asks as you cry out at the peak of your pleasure. “Could he fuck you so good you cum for him in two minutes flat?” Sehun asks, his thumb finding your clit despite your orgasm beginning to slow, driving it right back up to another peak, “Look at you.” He says, voice thick with adoration and amazement, “You’re soaking my cock, you’re cumming all over me. Fuck, you’re so good.”

“Oh, my god, don’t stop..” You cry out, tears spilling down your face as one orgasm leads directly into another and your whole body is trembling under Sehun’s.

“I’m not gonna stop.” He grunts, fucking you through your orgasm and continuing on, pounding you rough and fast, “I want to be with you, Y/N,” He groans, “I want to fuck you like this all the time. Always.”

“Always.” You echo back automatically, head thrown back, eyes watering and vision blurry. “I love you, Sehunnie. Oh, god…I love you so much.”

Sehun meant to draw it out a little bit longer, he meant to see if he could make you cum a third time, but as the words left your lips in the throes of passion, his hips stuttered against you and his cock throbbed and released, spilling himself inside the condom. Your tryst had lasted all of ten minutes, and he maybe would have been disappointed if he had been with anybody else, but he was with you, and when he stilled and looked down at you, you were grinning up at him, satisfied, your makeup smeared and your hair a mess, and Sehun was happier than he could remember being in his life.

He’s apologetic as he helps you get off the bathroom counter. Shy as he hands you a wad of toilet paper and turns away to give you privacy to clean up while he removes the condom. “I’m sorry if I was too rough.”

“You weren’t too rough.” You assure him, “It felt amazing. I loved every second of it.”

He winces a little at your choice of words, “Shit. I’m sorry it was so quick…next time I’ll be more thorough and I’ll take my time. I mean, if you want there to be a next time. We don’t have to.”

You laugh, coming up behind him as he stuffs himself back in his jeans and closes the zipper. You hug him from the back, pressing a kiss between his shoulderblades, “It was perfect, Sehunnie. And of course, I want there to be a next time. I meant it when I said I love you, you know?”

“You don’t love me.” He chuckles, turning to face you. “All this time I’ve been in love with you, you never noticed.”

“I didn’t notice because I thought what we had was special and different than any other friendship. Regardless, of course, I love you. I love you for being supportive of me, for being there for me when I needed you, I love you for coming after me tonight to check on me, for caring about me, for being concerned for me, even though I hurt you. I love you for coming over to watch scary movies and eat junk food when we’re bored.” You laugh, and he smiles back at you. “I just didn’t realize what kind of love this was as I was feeling it. Not until now.”

“What kind is it?” He asks you curiously.

“Not the kind where you have a stupid crush and it makes your heart flutter and you end up crying in the bathroom at some party. My love for you is comfortable and easy, and I’ve never doubted it or second-guessed it because I always felt it so strongly. I’m sorry that I didn’t question it, though... I should have analyzed our feelings sooner. I should have paid closer attention. But I’m not sorry at the same time, because our bond is very strong and for that, I’m thankful. Thank you for sticking around, Sehun.”

His chest is swelling with pride and affection as he looks down at you. There’s a lot more he wants to say and a lot more he wants to ask, but for now, he feels at peace. Sehun presses a kiss to your forehead and slips his arm around your shoulders, and he leads you out of the bathroom.

As you walk together down the short hallway to the stairs, he mutters under his breath against your ear, “Let’s literally never tell Seokjin that we hooked up in his guest bathroom.”

#oh sehun #exo #sehun smut #sehun oneshot #mine #LISTEN....editing is rly hard for me so pls forgive any mistakes #i read through this so many times and tried to fix any errors I saw #maybe i need a beta reader or editor sdlfkjosie nah i'm too nervous #i'll just continue posting things until I Get Good #i'm happy with the practice i've had the last few weeks and the progress i've made already #this is my favorite oneshot so far

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