#effective. at being super spy robots.

[the-valiant-valkyrie]

comparing and contrasting them inside of my mind

[twistedtummies2]

Top 15 Skeleton Characters

Happy Dia de los Muertos, everybody! Anybody who knows about the Day of the Dead knows it is really a celebration of life…and they also know that a major part of this holiday’s iconography is the imagery of skeletons and skulls. The human skeleton, in fact, is quite the ubiquitous visual: skeletons unsettle many people, on a fundamental level. Everybody has one, but if you’re actually SEEING one, that’s not a good sign: bones are the last vestiges of something long dead, and so there is always this automatic gut reaction of perturbation that comes with them. Of course, there’s also a recognition that life was present, which can, in its own odd way, be heartwarming. Skeleton characters - or even characters who are simply skulls or have skull faces - are thus a major part of many fictional worlds. They can be used to mock death, or celebrate life, or they can be used to represent fear and destruction. Regardless, they are always interesting to see, as commonplace as some may claim them to be. So, I decided, if today is a day about celebrating life through the imagery of death, it was only fitting to do something to celebrate the many characters who, effectively, do the same thing, one way or another. Now, I’m only going to be counting ACTUAL skeletal characters here, so to speak; characters like the Phantom of the Opera, Red Skull from Marvel, or Skull Face from “Metal Gear Solid V,” will not count. They evoke the imagery of a skull, but they’re really just deformed human beings, not actual collections of living bones. Also, I won’t be counting gatherings of skeletons (with one exception), such as the various skeleton-themed enemies you’ll find in video games, or the famous Harryhausen skeletons from “Jason and the Argonauts.” They aren’t really “characters” so much as “creatures,” so I don’t think they fit the bill. With that said, let’s waste no more time! Here are my Top 15 Skeleton Characters!

15. Skelly, from I Spy: Spooky Mansion.

Here’s a more obscure option to start things off. How many of you had I Spy books or played the I Spy PC games when you were younger? I know I did. This picture-puzzle series could be surprisingly challenging, and I was always fascinated by the way they organized the photos in the books, not to mention the animation in the PC titles. “Spooky Mansion” was always my favorite game and book, mostly because…well…I like Spooky Mansions! (Even did a list about them, go and take a look at that, tis the season.) Skelly was essentially our Tour Guide for the game: a mischievous but not malicious skeleton who loved to play games with people and spook them silly. She traps us inside her haunted house and challenges us to find various pieces of a puzzle in order to escape; none of this is done with evil intent, she simply wants to play! I always found Skelly a wonderful mix of creepy and sweet, almost like an Addams Family character; that’s always a great blend.

14. Skeleton King, from Super Robot Monkey Team Hyper Force GO!

Imagine Skeletor on a REALLY bad day. That would basically be this monstrosity in a nutshell. The main antagonist of this (incredibly weirdly named) superhero series, the Skeleton King was once a good-hearted scientist, who wished to help the world; it was he who created the titular Monkey Team. However, things changed when the man began to study the dark forces of the Netherworld; assured in his safety from them, he later paid the price of his hubris, as the dark spirits were released, and ending up possessing and corrupting the scientist, body and soul. He thus became the Skeleton King: a cyborganic ghoul who plots to destroy the entire universe. The King was a deliciously creepy villain, and much of his menace can be owed to his voice actor: none other than the Joker himself, Mark Hamill. Honestly, if that name alone doesn’t interest you in this character right away from the start, there’s not much more I can say that will convince you to give him a look.

13. Sir Daniel Fortesque, from MediEvil.

Sir Daniel is a tragically comic case: for ages after his death, this knight was hailed as a hero, believed to have been a mythical and powerful figure who died nobly for a righteous cause. In truth, he was a bungling coward who was killed in the very first seconds of battle, and never really did anything grand at all; somewhere along the line, the facts of his life got all twisted up. When the evil he once fought (or, at least, wanted to fight) rears its ugly head again many years later, Sir Daniel Fortesque is brought back from the grave to do battle once more...but, of course, not being a hero at all, he now has to prove himself. “MediEvil” becomes a typical quest of an unlikely hero; someone trying to live up to the reputation he garnered over time, trying to earn respect from those who know the truth. It’s a classic kind of setup, only enhanced by the unique, Tim-Burton-esque visual styling of the game…not to mention Sir Daniel’s absolutely hilarious running cycle. I guess he went to the Ministry of Silly Walks before his demise.

12. Bob, from The Dresden Files.

So far, I’ve only finished the first six books of “The Dresden Files,” but it’s already a favorite series of mine. (Also, if you’re only familiar with the TV series…that doesn’t count here, since their version of Bob is rather different.) The series details the many adventures of “consulting wizard,” Harry Dresden, and blends elements of noir-style detective mystery storytelling with doses of dark fantasy and Gothic horror. One of my favorite characters is undeniably Bob: an eccentric ghost who inhabits a skull in Harry’s home. Bob is intended to be a sort of living encyclopedia for Harry to consult when on a case; he has been around for centuries, and helped many wizards in his time, making him an extremely valuable source of information. However, Bob is also…well…freaking hilarious. He’s always got his mind in the gutter, and he’s always filled with snark and a ready-to-whip-out insult or quip, leading to some pretty funny dialogue any time he’s featured. Generally, whenever Harry consults Bob, that’s when things are about to get truly serious…but it’s hard to remember that past all the pure, glorious silliness he provides. The only reason Bob doesn’t rank higher is that he is literally JUST a skull, and on top of that, the skull probably isn’t even his own: it’s just his way of communicating with Dresden in the world of the living, sort of like a crystal ball or other conduit of knowledge. Still, I feel he counts enough.

11. Captain Bones, from Crashbox.

Made for HBO, this series was one of my favorite shows EVER when I was a kid. “Crashbox” was a show that really went outside the box with how an educational program could also be entertaining! It used various styles of animation in numerous scenarios and skits to showcase all kinds of different skills. Basic stuff like math, history, sciences, social studies, and so on were featured, but you’d also have things that challenged your critical thinking or problem solving skills, with puzzles and riddles that weren’t necessarily things you’d be taught at school, but were still important things to learn. It was all done with this irreverent tone; the series was utterly bonkers, so it was always a joy to watch even as it taught you all the skills it tried to push. Captain Bones was one of the most frequent skits in the series, and also one of my favorites. “The Incredibly Dead Captain Bones” was a skeletal ghost pirate cursed to Sail the Seven Seas for an eternity. “And I’ll tell ya,” the Captain would sigh, “I’m a Bored Stiff.” (Har Har.) To keep himself from dying of boredom (…presumably a second time…), the old pirate would use his own bones to create math and picture puzzles, which the viewer would be challenged to try and figure out before he showed them the answer. What made Captain Bones hilarious…were his insults. This guy was the KING of Insult Comedy, able to come up with all kinds of incredible, colorful phrases without ever getting dirty or lewd, given the fact this WAS made for kids. If you don’t agree…“THEN YER NOT FIT TO WALK THE DECK OF ME GHOST SHIP, ye crustacean-sucking, knock-kneed, squid-faced, plank-walking sack of soiled, sea-salted, unwashed fish buckets of barnacles for brains!”

10. Lord Ainz, from Overlord.

I haven’t seen a whole lot of “Overlord” yet, which is the primary reason Ainz only BARELY crosses the threshold into the Top 10. Trust me, if I’d seen more, he’d probably be WAY higher. “Overlord” is a classic Isekai anime series: the plot focus on a young man who ends up zapped into a video game world, which he had once been a player of. He finds that he has been transformed into the character he created: a hyper-powerful dark skeleton warlord, known as Ainz Ooal Gown (or “Lord Ainz” for short). The interesting thing about this isekai is the way Ainz is played, and how he evolves over the course of the series; as time goes on, he loses more and more of his humanity, as his personality, morality, and ethical viewpoints start to merge and become less like his own back on Earth, and more like those of the character he created. This leads to a lot of gray area in the morality of Ainz, as he seeks to conquer the world - the typical goal of many a great dark lord - but has surprisingly understandable motivations for doing so. From what I’ve seen so far, the series is quite interesting, and Ainz is an equally interesting character…but I’ve only scratched the surface of this show, so I don’t think it’s fair to give him TOO high a rank JUST yet. But still, Top 10 ain't bad, right?

9. Bonejangles, from Corpse Bride.

There’s really not a whole lot to say about this guy, I just really love him. Though a fairly small part on the whole, Bonejangles is arguably one of the most recognizable characters in the Tim Burton animated picture “Corpse Bride.” A hollow skeleton with a single eyeball, which he rolls back and forth between his sockets, this limber, jazzy fellow appears to be pretty close to the titular character, Emily - the ghost of a bride-to-be who died mysteriously. It is he who tells the story of the Corpse Bride to our protagonist, Victor Van Dort, via the song “Remains of the Day,” easily the best song in the film’s soundtrack. While his time onscreen is small, he makes an immediate impression, and Danny Elfman’s gravelly, raspy vocals only add to the clattering, rambunctious skeleton’s fun personality. In short, Bonejangles is proof that big characters can come in small packages.

8. The Horned King, from The Black Cauldron.

This movie was HATED when it came out - notoriously, “The Black Cauldron” lost to the CARE BEARS when it premiered. (I wish I was joking about that.) However, over time, the movie has garnered something of a cult following, mostly for its dark and often rather brutal atmosphere (which is still rather pale compared to the Lloyd Alexander novels the film is loosely based upon). One thing almost everybody loves about the film is the villain: the lich-like Horned King, voiced impeccably by John Hurt. A cross between the character of the same name from the first book, “The Book of Three,” and the evil Lord Arawn, the main antagonist of the series, Disney’s incarnation of the character is easily one of the most mysterious and frightening of their animated baddies. Essentially a living corpse (who has horns growing out of his head, for some reason), the Horned King is a powerful sorcerer who wishes to destroy all of mankind. (Why? Probably because he’s tired of everyone around him having noses.) To this end, he and his goblin-like assistant, Creeper, seek out Hen-Wen, a pig who somehow has gained oracular abilities, allowing her to find the hiding place of the titular Black Cauldron. The Cauldron is an ancient piece of crockery possessed by the spirit of a long-dead king, which can create an army of living dead brutes, “The Cauldron Born.” In the end, the King is thwarted by Taran, a young farm boy who has been thrust into a quest to stop him, and is sucked into the Cauldron itself. In arguably the goriest death scene in a Disney movie, the King is stripped of his soul, and his FLESH (what little he has), as his life force is sucked into the Cauldron’s hellish depths, before EXPLODING in a flash of light and dust. A fittingly gruesome end for this bony fiend.

7. Arc, from Skeleton Knight in Another World.

Much like Overlord, this is another fantasy isekai anime series, in which the main character is transformed into a character they played in a video game. And, just like then, said main character is an extremely powerful skelly-dude. HOWEVER, that’s about where the similarities between this show and “Overlord” stop. In “Skeleton Knight in Another World,” Arc is not a villain who plays the hero of his own story…but instead just a hero, period. In fact, a big part of the series is that he worries about people seeing his true bone face, as he knows the sight of a giant living skeleton will probably be seen as a bad sign by many. Arc is a wonderfully fun protagonist: like many characters in this sort of scenario, he is equal parts bold and admirably strong…and sort of a total dork. The human life he left behind clashes constantly with the uber-heroic facade he tries to put on (complete with a bold and daring laugh, which is absolutely glorious), leading to a great deal of humor. While Ainz is probably the more popular character between these two, I’ve actually finished all of “Skeleton Knight” (at least with what’s available thus far), and I generally prefer Arc a little bit more, based on what I’ve seen. Therefore, he gets higher marks on the list. Also, on a side note…the theme song to this show is absolutely freaking GLORIOUS, seriously, go take a listen to it.

6. Basically the Entire Cast of “Coco.”

This is the exception to the "no groups of characters" rule I made. I know it’s cheating to include a whole bunch of skeletons, instead of just one, but I felt that, in this case, it was warranted. It’s fitting I’m posting this on the Day of the Dead, because that’s what this film is actually inspired by and based around. This Pixar movie tells the story of a young boy named Miguel, who loves music. However, due to personal tragedy, his family has banned any member from being a musician. Believing his great-grandfather to be a legendary musician, Miguel goes on a quest to rekindle the love of music in his family…and, in the process, ends up in the Land of the Dead, which is populated by a whole world of Dia de los Muertos-inspired skeletons. Ranging from friendly sorts, like the eccentric Hector, and multiple late members of Miguel’s family, to the more villainous Ernesto de la Cruz, choosing just one character to represent an entire film of colorful, whimsical bunches of bones seemed next to impossible. So, yeah, I’m just counting the entire movie here. My list, my choice. So sue me. :P

5. Ghost Rider, from Marvel.

A prominent anti-hero of the Marvel universe, the Ghost Rider has gone through many incarnations. One early interpretation, later re-named the Phantom Rider (big difference, I know), isn’t a skeleton at all, nor a supernatural entity of any kind. Instead, the first Ghost Rider was a Wild Western hero and horseman, who used his ghostly costume and magic tricks to frighten his enemies - think of a cross between the Lone Ranger and Batman. Later interpretations, however, took a different path. The most famous Ghost Rider is Johnny Blaze: a stunt daredevil who was tutored largely by his adoptive father, Crash Simpson. (Good lord, these names sound like video game characters from Nintendo…) When Crash developed an inoperable cancer, a grief-stricken Johnny made a deal with the Devil himself to try and save him. Needless to say, it didn’t go so well. Now, Blaze - and others who would share his curse - must roam the land hunting down evildoers, fighting both mortal and supernatural villainy in an endless quest to avenge the innocent. The Ghost Riders all share common visual elements: fiery skeletal bodies, leather clothes, chain-based weapons, and of course, AWESOME motorcycles to ride upon. Their power over the fires of Hell itself are their primary weapons, however, with a variety of different attacks and powers available to Blaze and his later compatriots in the war to seek out the evil and punish them for their sins...hopefully while avoiding ending up in terrible Nicolas Cage outings. No promises on that one.

4. Sans & Papyrus, from Undertale.

Oh, God, I LOVE Undertale. And more than that, perhaps, I LOOOOVE Sans and Papyrus! The Skeleton Brothers are easily my favorite characters in the game, and the most identifiable for me, in many ways. Sans is, in some ways, Undertale’s equivalent to the Doctor from “Doctor Who”: he is a comedic, laid-back, somewhat eccentric character who uses his unassuming appearance and “dopey” personality as a facade. As many a player quickly learns, Sans is far more powerful, far more DANGEROUS than he looks or seems, able to go from cracking a terrible pun to threatening you with painful death in a split second. If you get on his bad side, “you’re gonna have a bad time.” His brother, Papyrus, on the other hand, is sort of the reverse: at first glance, Papyrus seems like your typical “over-the-top villain.” His signature laugh, twisted design, and sense of self-importance all make him about as fiendish as can be...all he’s missing is a top hat or a moustache to twirl! But it quickly becomes clear that Papyrus is neither as evil, nor as clever, as he likes to seem: in reality, he’s really a rather harmless sort of bony fellow, and would much rather befriend you than murder you with his incredibly elaborate, Wile-E.-Coyote-esque death traps. (Much like with Wile E., the traps never work the way they should.) Dealing with these brothers is a BIG part of figuring out the events of Undertale, and the path your adventure will take in the game. Whether you love them as much as I do or not, I advise you to decide wisely.

3. Skeletor, from He-Man and the Masters of the Universe.

There have been several different takes on Eternia’s greatest villain over the years (my favorite will always be the original, but I do like many, if not all, of the other interpretations out there). No matter which one you look at, Skeletor is a very fun villain, and is easily one of the most iconic skull-faced scoundrels out there. A dark wizard who longs to take over Castle Grayskull, and learn all its secrets for his own evil ends, Skeletor’s evil ranges from cartoonish to truly cruel, depending on which version you look at, but there’s always a wonderful blend of both creepiness and genuine menace that accompanies him. It’s hard to not make references to this guy when looking at other bony characters, and he’s given rise to more memes than you can shake a sorcerer’s scepter at. Really, what more can I say? It’s Skeletor: by virtue of his recognition alone, he’s more than earned a spot in the Top Three.

2. The Grim Reaper.

Arguably the single most iconic skeletal figure in history, the Grim Reaper - the embodiment of death itself - could really take up an entire list of his own. (And he probably will, one day.) There are so many versions of the Reaper out there, it’s kind of amazing: when people imagine what death’s avatar looks like, it’s likely that the typical imagery of a skeletal figure, garbed in a dark cloak and carrying a scythe, is the first thing they will imagine. Sometimes the Reaper is depicted as a humorous and comical figure, such as the version found in “The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy.” On many occasions he is depicted as an evil monster, such as the version of Death found in the “Castlevania” franchise. Other times, he is something of a neutral force, as death is neither truly good nor evil when you think about it; probably my favorite example of this is the one found in Terry Pratchett’s “Discworld” universe. Bottom line, I think the fact that skeletons so often represent death, to the point where the very embodiment of the Angel of Death is depicted AS a skeleton, speaks for itself as to why this ranks so highly. Honestly, I was tempted to make this choice number one, but I decided against it for several reasons. Still, iconic as the concept of the Grim Reaper is, the character - in pretty much all his forms - has more than earned high praise here.

1. Jack Skellington, from The Nightmare Before Christmas.

“Nightmare” is one of my favorite films of all time, if not my absolute favorite. It’s not a complex movie, really, but its simplicity is part of what makes it so wonderful! Jack is, by extension, one of my favorite characters of all time: hailed as “The Pumpkin King With the Skeleton Grin,” this dapper, noble, gentlemanly bonehead is the ruler of Halloween Town, a world of ghosts, goblins, and ghouls (oh, my!) whose only job is to make Halloween as frightening as possible. But, despite his undead state, and wicked sense of humor, there is no malice in Jack’s mischief; he just sees it as a job. A job he’s apparently very, VERY good at, from the few examples the film and other spin-offs give us. Jack’s really a very good sort; charming and debonair, but also rather naive. A cockeyed optimist in his own way, and a bit of a prima donna, Jack’s over-the-top antics and spirit of adventure are what often get him into trouble; he has a problem with thinking things through. However, when things go wrong, Jack is ready for action, and quick to take responsibility, take charge, and take chances. His heart is in the right place at all times, even if his brain doesn’t always get there right away. Mixing intelligence and charisma with a childlike simplicty - much like the movie he hails from, in fact - Jack Skellington is an endearing and interesting character who deserves every bit of love he gets from myself and the world over. He’s just as iconic as the Grim Reaper, Skeletor, and others on this list, if not more so! And for all these reasons and more, I happily (albeit pointlessly) name Jack Skellington my Favorite Skeletal Character!

HONORABLE MENTIONS INCLUDE…

Captain Barbossa, from Pirates of the Caribbean. (He really only counts for the first film, which is why I didn’t include him on the main list.)

The Speaking Skull, from The Last Unicorn.

Manolo Sanchez, from The Book of Life.

Spinal, from Killer Instinct.

[thevulpinehero1]

Gwatch: Mobile Suit Gundam 0079 Ep 2

Time for Episode 2. After a high-octane first episode, EP 2 has some minor administrative stuff to take care of in regards to laying out the situation the protagonists will be in. As before, be wary of spoilers.

Pictured: the Captain of the White Base asking a sensible question about war machines that would later be almost exclusively piloted by people too young to legally drink

Let's talk about Zakus. People love Zakus. They're cute little cyclops guys, and they get totally manhandled basically from start to finish whenever they appear which gives them underdog points, but it's worth noting that at this point the story goes out of its way to establish that even a Zaku, the punching bag mook suit of future Gundam lore, is a huge threat.

Char reports losing two Zakus, and his superior cannot believe his ears. These are the shaky beginnings of mobile suits, and the Earth Federation doesn't really have any horses in that race yet. They're still trying to fight off Zakus with tanks and planes, and the Zakus are as far above conventional military vehicles as the Gundam is above the Zakus.

Two Zakus murdered entire crowds of people. They're stated to have wiped out almost every single military officer and engineer that was supposed to staff the White Base. They're directly responsible for the ongoing crisis that the protagonists experience throughout the series; those two random guys Amuro yolo'd in a suit he could barely get to stand up were more effective in stalling the Federation war effort than almost anything that follows.

And they sort've need to be that effective, because the audience needs to be sold on the premise of mechs as a weapon of war, subject to the logistics and concerns of the battlefield. Previous shows in the genre have been more super robot types, so they got a free pass, but the Zaku needs to show why you wouldn't just use a tank or more conventional vehicle, and that threat level has been established early on (even if it's mostly brushed over; as mecha fans will admit, the question "but why does it have to be a giant robot?" doesn't have any good practical answers outside of it being cooler. Even if you ignore things like the square-cube law and the difficulty in scaling up a humanoid body, even if you ignore how complex mecha would be in comparison to a tank loaded with the same armaments, the simple fact is that humanoid is not a particularly effective shape to be on a modern battlefield.)

Sayla Mass shortly after slapping a random civilian who has understandably elected to get himself away from an active battlefield instead of roaming around looking for survivors, then telling him he should be left behind to die instead of being evacuated. Her sweater has become part of her skin; she's a Na'vi from the neck down.

Sayla's an interesting character who basically never appears in other Gundam shows, despite the fact that she'd be pretty relevant to a couple of them and the series being quite happy to include previous major characters in later instalments. I forget why this is the case -- I think it might have had something to do with her VA? -- but either way, she's one of the few who doesn't return in any meaningful role, which means we can only enjoy her here.

Part of what makes her fun to watch is that, when she's not just randomly slapping potentially traumatised survivors of a military attack, she's generally pretty effective. Within minutes of us being told her name, she's pulled a gun on Char, who's snuck into the colony on foot to do a bit of spying (which is honestly something of a habit for him as the Gundam series goes on). He almost immediately disarms her because he's Char and also extremely effective when he wants to be, but hey.

Char Aznable playing Touhou in his off time. Seriously, this guy dodges lasers like it's going out of style.

As Char makes his escape with the valuable data, we're treated to what will become a fairly common sight: Amuro getting out the beam rifle and just kind of yeeting all of his ammunition at nothing in particular. This time, he has excuses; he's aiming at human targets in a mobile suit, and he's never really killed a human in cold blood before. He also pulls off a couple of neat shots where he hits two missiles mid-flight. But I remember the amount of times 'oh no I fired wildly with my rifle and didn't hit anything, and now I have no ammo!' became a complicating factor becoming something of a joke to me.

We're then treated to the first ever battle between Amuro Ray and Char Aznable, which ends up as more or less a stalemate. Make no mistake: Amuro gets completely manhandled by Char, who's an accomplished ace pilot with five battleship kills to his name. But the Gundam is so OP for this point in the series that, even though Amuro can't really touch him, Char can't really capitalise on the opportunity since the Gundam can tank his weapons head on. In the end, their skirmish is a mutual loss. Amuro loses to a pilot. Char loses to a suit.

But Char walks away with a head full of the Federation's military secrets and a much better understanding of the Gundam's threat level, and he has supplies and reinforcements on the way...

[gammaliminal]

Neon Troupe: Unused Classes

A buncha ideas that didn't make the cut, maybe for expanded universe stuff!? (plus, buncha stashed characters for other stuff >:D)

Offense: The Designer - A class with no proper primary or secondary, instead using their misc to build their weaponry, mainly focused around different offensive capabilities, weapons are combined woodworking, robotics, and gunsmithing projects The Daredevil - With an inbuilt augmentation built off of adrenaline, this class starts out weak but gains speed, damage, and resist the lower their health goes, with 30 health making them the epitome of a glass cannon The Gambler - Main mechanic is based around a random snowball effect, changing per shot and with your primary being stronger at higher numbers but with your secondary being stronger at lower numbers The Assassin - Combat Spy in brief, with the ability to backstab with stock melee, with their primary being a VSS rifle and having the ability to do a short-ranged teleport The Mortician - A healing class that can hold a fight on their own, their healing is a spray that's harvested from dead enemies, with their melee being a shovel

Defense The Pilot - Taking to the sky not by jetpack but by mechanical wings! Different from the Recon by being focused on gliding (with a way to boost yourself into the air) and defensive oriented, maybe being long-ranged focused? The Brawler - A tanky melee class with high-knockback, depending on traps and enemies coming TOWARDS them to get at them, with their stock melee forcing enemies hit by them to their next weapon (Primary → Secondary → Melee) The Physicist - Using magnets to their advantage, their almost-magic-esque abilities are highly skillbased, being projectiles that can ricochet and headshot The Worker - A heavy lifting bot for ocean liners and a walking blockade, with middling damage all around and no health (death at 0 armor) but a complete immunity to most crits and a 50% damage resist (stuff that pierces armor does +50% damage to the Worker) The Paramedic - For those who want to play combat medic, their weapons spread heals when it hits enemies, though they do have a weak alternative for healing

Support: The Glitch - A glitched program in an extremely versatile body, each of it's three weapons has three versions which are switched with the reload key (one offensive, one defensive, one supportive), with speed and armor being decided by which version of the melee is currently active The Intern - A semi-generalist, with a makeshift gun and a primary that's for various supportive effects, also they're super tired of EVERYTHING The Producer - Like the Trickster, but being Spy+Spamton+Salesman instead of Spy+Jevil+Rockstar. Focused around getting picks and causing confusion though illusions and copies of themself, plus mad ranting, all of their gadgets are stuff disguised as innocuous objects (not including their primary) The Observer - A shadow in the dark, they have what's basically the Cloak & Dagger, placeable cameras that automark enemies it sees, and a manual mark function, with their primary minicritting enemies that are marked

[fyeahmeddy]

so i was thinking about the Mass Effect series and how I don't feel much of anything for a good portion of the human characters, especially the early game ones, but the aliens and a few of the human characters from later games are some of the best characters and most compelling stories I've seen in ANYTHING, and i think a lot of it boils down to a writing problem I think of as 'you're supposed to care'. It's similar to movies where a lot of the character or feelings feel a bit vapid or vague, and I think its because you're supposed to do the work yourself, of conflating their love interest (which is often a shallow dynamic) with your own loves, or the ones you fantasize about; you're intended to project onto them, so they don't do the work of making you care. This is a common thing with characters and concepts where it feels like the appeal is built in, and they tend to feel shallow to me. Conversely, take the aliens of the setting. By default they HAVE to do work to explain who they are, the differences of their cultures, and as a result they come off as far more realized characters, even if nothing they do is super relatable on a superficial level. Whether it is Urdnot Wrex lamenting the ferocity of his people contributing to their collective doom spiral, the robotic hive mind Legion having a mental breakdown when they realize their treacherous kin are SPYING on their people and cannot comprehend why they can no longer understand each other's motivations, or a fair number of other characters that have a LOT going on (Samara the MILF but played for tragedy, as an example). So as a result, they all feel a lot more interesting in a way that default squad mates Kaiden and Ashley (whom discus their backgrounds and relationships if you ask, but almost show up in a more tangible way) feel a bit by the numbers. Heck in my experience, those two mostly are significant by how they annoy me, rather than anything I really remember in their stories. So there might be something to consider here; when doing character stuff, always assume the audience has no reason to particularly care, so you put the work in to make sure they do, which generally will at least get some notice.

I've never played Mass Effect tbh, but the phrase "Samara the MILF" has put it in my radar now.

I get what you mean!! Sometimes we are thrown characters that, only because they are the protagonist, we are demanded to care/relate to them, and it's not rare that many times people end up caring more about secondary characters because those usually have better stories than the protagonists which main goal is achieving something (a dream, a power level, a treasure, love, social recognition...).

And there are times when the story actually shows how shallow the motivations of the main character are and and re-shape them, give them a new goal.... but we end up with the same plot and attitudes.

Meanwhile, the secondary characters have a lot of lore going up with them! We are fed their stories little by little because they are not the protagonist and they don't get the spotlight so much, but that's precisely their forte! By unraveling the character's layers we find they are actually deep and complicated. We understand them in a deep level, we can see many dimensions of themselves, they are just way more interesting! Even when they are not RelatableTM, they are interesting!

And in a setting of humans and/vs aliens, the difference shows up a lot more. Because the human characters are like us, we are supposed to identify with them and care about them from the start. But aliens are a different thing, they are not human, so the writing has to make the effort to explain what they are and what they want. They are given actual characterization.

When you are offered a plain ass chicken breast with normal water vs chicken breast with vegetables, rice, ranch or salsa and bubbly mineral lemonade.... they choice is easy!

Story reading and creation shouldn't be about being relatable, but being interesting.

[watchingeverydcmovie]

Fleischer/Famous Studios Animated Superman Shorts (1941-1943) Pt. 1

I am watching every movie based on a DC publication in release order, for more information, see my pinned post.

There are 17 of these Superman shorts and I was originally just going to make one post but the serial Spy Smasher came out in the middle of them, and in the interest of keeping everything chronological, I've split my reviews of the shorts into two parts.

Movies 2-6, Animated Superman Shorts produced by Fleischer and Famous Studios.

OVERALL THOUGHTS So far, these are simple, cute little adventures and nothing past that. They all run about 10 minutes or less, so there's not time for much to happen. Watching them all in a row definitely gets repetative because they all follow the basic plot of "a threat is introduced, Lois Lane goes to report on the threat, Lois is captured, Superman saves her and defeats the threat", but they also definitely weren't intented to be watched in the way that I am watching them.

I do find it very interesting as a modern viewer that these were made before they changed Superman's powers to make him fly instead of just "leap tall buildings in a single bound". That change impacts the fight scenes a lot more than I would have expected.

I'm also a really big fan of the animation for Clark Kent changing into the Superman costume. I feel like a lot of Superman media just has him sort of enter a secluted place and immidiately exit, or have some sort of blurred super speed effects, but this takes the time to animate his shadows and I really like that.

I also find it interesting that the first short gives a very brief overview of Superman's backstory and states that he grew up in an orphanage. I'm not sure if these shorts predate his backstory being growing up on a farm in Kansas or if that shorts just didn't want to bother with it, but it's still interesting because Superman's backstory is usually so set in stone in modern media.

I also appreciate that each short ends with a clip of a newspaper article from the Daily Planet about whatever events happened in the short, it's a fun way to end each one.

Overall, would I watch these again? Probably not. They're cute enough to watch once, but you don't get a lot out of them and I don't think I'd ever feel the need to revisit them.

Would I suggest anyone else watch them? I mean, if you want to. They're really short, so you're not losing a ton of time if you decide to check them out, but there's also not a ton to them. Definitely don't try to watch them all in a row.

Now, onto brief individual reviews:

THE MAD SCIENTIST IMDB Rating: 7.2 My Rating: 6 Superman punches a laser at some point. I found that funny.

THE MECHANICAL MONSTERS IMDB Rating: 7.4 My Rating: 6.5 The .5 that this one got over Mad Scientist is purely for the openening sequence where you're only shown a shadow of what you're made to believe in an airplane flying overhead, but then as it lands, you find out it's a large robot thing. It's stopped from scorring higher by the GOD AWFUL noise that the robots make for the entire short.

BILLION DOLLAR LIMITED IMDB Rating: 7 My Rating: 5.8 This one is a bit forgettable to be honest. The main interesting thing that happened is that for a few seconds Lois Lane shot a gun and also drove a train.

THE ARCTIC GIANT IMDB Rating: 6.7 My Rating: 7 The short mainly consists of Superman jumping around after a giant acritic creature that was thawed out by scientists and fixing the damage that the monster does to the city before ultimately taking it down, and I think that's pretty interesting compared to some of the other plots.

THE BULLETEERS IMDB Rating: 6.9 My Rating: 5 Also very forgettable despite Superman fighting a weird bullet car that transforms into a plane. Kind of a dull note to end this post on, but oh well.

[my-name-is-jefferooni]

Talking about the Chaotix Again at very very late hours in the night

It’s about to be midnight and it’ll probably be close to 1:00 AM by the time I finish this but I got a brain blast and it could not be left to die in my brain overnight as I slept so I’m bringing this motherfucking idea to light when I should very much be sleeping so I hope yall appreciate what I’m doing because only God knows how wrecked I’ll be in the morning or how long I’ll sleep in for.

(Pssst! Also check out my previous Chaotix analysis/ramble of sorts from like. A month ago. Still relevant to this post and acts as some extra context too.)

So, I decided to watch Adrenaline Dubs’s issue 17 dub, and there’s one thing I noticed during an exchange between Vector and Espio… I’ll get into the specifics of the exchange when I get to it because I gotta get to the additional context first!

The Chaotix, as I’ve pointed out beforehand in my previous analysis, are kind of just your average everyday family. Think Spy X Family, but they don’t really have any super secret identities to hide from each other and they’re all just young and dumb detectives trying to pay the bills. Thinking of them like this puts the Metal Virus into a much more tragic perspective than before, where they would’ve just been some of Sonic’s friends who just so happen to be the only ones who know the struggle of a shitty economy. Because now, if you take into account the fact that before meeting everyone in Heroes, these guys were just… A family. A ragtag, run-of-the-mill, silly and goofy family. Not related by blood, sure, but their bond was strong enough to call themselves a family even when they first met way back in Knuckles Chaotix! And ever since Heroes, they’ve just been trying to balance life, work, and fighting motherfucking eldritch horrors, demons, gods, mad scientists, and the like. Suffice to say, they ain’t really used to things such as the Metal Virus.

So, when it hits…

Their first reaction is to be skeptical or to panic. Charmy’s a very straightforward kid. He takes everything to heart and is way too pure for his own good, so naturally, he begins to panic! Espio also begins panicking, in his own way, as we see him begin to sweat and start thinking heavily about all the possibilities within like. Five seconds. Seriously, this mans needs therapy, his brain is working too fast for his emotions like Jesus Christ. And Vector… Well, Vector’s trying to stay calm. He’s not too worried, suggesting that they should all just wait for their next client, because the possibility of Eggman already being at their city was far too slim! While Charmy and Espio are so focused on the negatives, Vector is trying his hardest to not let this crisis get to his head. Because they surely have some more time, right? Surely, Eggman can’t already be here, right…?

He’s sorely mistaken when a Zombot then starts kicking down his door.

And suddenly he realizes that this is something much bigger than he initially anticipated.

Espio and Charmy immediately go on the offensive, but Vector stops them in a panic. His voice is tinged with terror and fear, something raw and sad in his voice that the other two can’t pinpoint. He grabs onto Charmy’s leg and screams at him to not touch the Zombots! If he does, he’ll be infected too, and that is the last thing Vector wants for his kid. Meanwhile, Espio is stricken with confusion, wondering why his kunai had no effect on the target…! Because that… That should’ve worked! It always worked! Even against Eggman robots! And then that’s when he realizes, when they ALL realize… That this isn’t just Eggman this time.

They run out of their home in fear, masking their terror with the noble deed of finding survivors. “Finding survivors…” They’ve never had to even suggest doing such a thing before.

Look at Vector right here. Yeah, I know, he looks pretty goofy holding that stop sign like that. But that’s kinda it, that’s the point! Vector is now resorting to ripping state property out of the ground, and using it as a weapon! Previously, he would’ve just used brute force, but now? He’s taking this seriously. Way more seriously than before.

And now we get to the exchange I mentioned at the beginning. Where Vector claims the docks are the best option. There’s an air of seriousness to it all, a clear lack of his usual goofiness and “Yeah sure it’s just Eggman” attitude. Vector genuinely cares right now, but most importantly, he’s taking it 100% seriously. Like he’s in a horror movie.

And, well, isn’t he? Aren’t they all technically in a horror movie at this point? So why not play the role as the heroes of the film? Why not act like the world is crumbling around them? Why not act like angsty, brooding teenagers in the 80’s? Why not pretend like they know what they’re doing?

The Chaotix are not used to any of this at all. They’ve never seen the horror films they watch actually come to life. It’s why they’re being so dramatic, like the world is ending right in front of their eyes, like they’re in a movie trailer or something! They’re putting up a front, pretending that it’s kinda like a movie of its own, and that the credits will eventually roll again.

They don’t have much hope, but they’d be damned if they didn’t use every last ounce of that hope to make it out of this alive. For Vector. For Charmy. For Espio. For each other. For Team Chaotix.

—

OKAY THANK GOD I GOT THAT DONE IN ONLY A HALF HOUR CUZ I DIDNT FINISH WATCHING THE DUB AND IM SURE THERE’S MORE TO COVER SO I CAN STILL DO IT TOMORROW LET’S GOOOOOO

Thanks for reading! Hope that was enjoyable! I’m having fun with adding all these screenshots to my analysis, it really adds a lot!

[tentacle-stylograph]

huh. after my boredom in the second Puss in Boots movie, i was wondering if animated action sequences just don't excite me right now or something. didn't sound plausible because Love, Death, and Robots has some of my favorite action sequences ever, but i'm so deeply puzzled i'm grasping for explanations

anyway. i just watched episode 5 of Spy x Family and, even tho the episode felt a bit weird and filler-y, the silly action sequence with Loid shooting while running up the stairs in the castle delighted me

i really do wonder what it was about Puss in Boots. still wondering if it has to do with realism or acceptable levels of unrealism in movement timing or posing. i'd have to rewatch the movie to test that idea.

but i still know how much i loved the sequence in Despicable Me with Gru evading Vector's security system, and that is INCREDIBLY unrealistic. actually, i can watch that clip right now and see how much so.

...okay, i watched the first scene where Gru gets annihilated and then the second scene where he's saving the girls. the first scene especially has SUPER unrealistic snappy movements, but they're fun and cool. the second scene, the main thing i got from that was the cool, slow fist unclench Gru does after punching the shark

so now i'm wondering if i was mainly distracted by Puss in Boots's texturing and effects. nothing wrong with them -- in fact, they're neat -- but if something is being unusual, for me, it usually has to be WAY above and beyond average for me to get into the story, and many of the writing points in Puss just weren't for me.

ugh

i hope i can just accept i was bored and let down with the movie overall eventually. it's okay to not like a movie, even a popular one. it just feels weird and honestly shameful in this case, more so than usual

[oakberet47]

Finest Tremendous Mario Gifts And Merchandise To Purchase In 2022

These racers take plenty of batteries and they will go through batteries fairly shortly. We bought rechargeable batteries which have worked really well for this toy. These automobiles slow down considerably when these batteries are almost lifeless. These RC Racers are comparatively straightforward to manage and should convey a lot of enjoyment to children. It won’t take lengthy for them to being doing all kinds of cool tricks with them. First up on our listing of the most effective Mario toys of 2021 is that this epic LEGO Super Mario Adventures Mario Starter Course. I searched for one of the best toys and thetoyinsider.com came up as a resource. During the Xbox & Bethesda Games Showcase the most recent instalment of Turn 10 Studios’ Forza Motorsport confirmed off new-gen realism and classic tracks. There are plenty of indie life and farming simulators, together with these, all of which let players tackle the function of a cute, wholesome witch. It's additionally fairly exciting that this is Series 1 of what we imagine will be a number of packs full of varied figures. Developing a working remote management Mario Kart is a no-brainer! Any sincere boy or lady would go bananas opening this up Christmas morning. Sure, it will most likely eat batteries quicker than a world-stopping robot but who cares. I assume one of the cool things about being a father or mother is watching your youngsters go through totally different phases of likes and pursuits. Both of my sons occurred to go through a section at the similar time where they wanted every thing Super Mario Brothers. In 2020, a Mario Kart Kinder Surprise promotion was launched in Hungary and Romania. https://www.tikotoy.com/blog/finding-the-right-mario-toys-for-your-child wrapped in a Mario Kart package featured a Mario, Luigi, or Donkey Kong figurine with their respective Standard Kart and Super Glider from Mario Kart 7. Plushies are toys that comprise some type of stuffing inside, more than likely from artificial supplies. Wheeled toys that launch themselves ahead when pulled again. This playset comes with a 2.5-inch unique Bowser figure that's really cool. tikotoy was an enormous hit with my oldest son as a end result of he simply loves Bowser. You will probably want to buy another motion figures to complete the set. As an artist, toymaker Dano Brown has managed to perform fairly a bit. Especially when seeing a few kids put the brand new toys to make use of in a trailer launched previewing what's to return. Gain access to tons of of collectibles and super mario toys that are well-liked among youngsters and adults alike, produced from sturdy PVC material guaranteeing that they last lengthy. These super mario toys are eco-friendly and completely safe in your kids to play. The joy of watching Jump Man turn into Drive Man in real time is bar-none an experience one by no means forgets. Even if you never took his out of the field it would nonetheless look great on a shelf or on display. No method around it, the Mario Kart eight Mini Anti-gravity RC Racer is a match for all. When Mario jumps on them within the right order, the participant wins bonus digital coins! There's no limit to the gameplay with this rebuildable set since it really works as a standalone set, offered you might have the Mario figurine from the starter pack. But it fully integrates with the starter set, and the entire expansions, too, in order that players can create expansive and interactive game storylines. The good news is that lots of these characters have been made into toys of the years. Seeing toy replicas of online game or anime characters included in McDonald's Happy Meals is unquestionably not new. You’ll have to make positive you get via the Goombas before dealing with Bowser. Brandy Berthelson has been writing about video video games and expertise since 2006, together with her work appearing on websites together with AOL Games, Digital Spy, and Adweek’s Social Pro Daily. When she’s not gaming, Brandy enjoys crafting, baking, and traveling with her husband. Suitable for ages four and up, this Mario Kart-themed RC car is a great present for fans of the racing sport series.

[kosmo-mckogane]

Hi! Regarding your lovely post on ableism towards Shiro~

I loved it! Very well articulated points about example of real life ableism in Voltron! These are my thoughts regarding the same topic as a chronically ill person!

(note: I personally only deal with physical illnesses, but most of this can be applied to mental illnesses as well.)

When I first watched season 7 and learned that Shiro had (for all intensive purposes) an invisible illness(please let me know if I’m wrong, I haven’t rewatched the show in months) I was super excited as I also deal with two invisible illnesses and I love Shiro! (Not to mention that most representation regarding disabilities take place in a slice of life scenario. Like no, I wanna be a chronically ill Jujustu Sorcerer, Demon Slayer, Voltron Paliden, Super Hero, Spy, Detective, all the cool stuff!)

I hoped there would be more discussion (in the show not your amazing post) about how Shiro feels obligated to hide it as to not burden Keith or those around him, or even so he can keep his job(going to space)

Not only that, but when Shiro is faced with the option to decide on his own what he is and isn’t capable of doing, Adam threatens to leave him if he chooses to go on the mission. Punishing him for deciding to push past his illness. Shiro is also shown as the bad guy for making this decision.

While I know that being a chronically ill person’s loved one can be very hard and emotionally taxing, this is not a valid reason to gaslight them and punish them for making their own decisions.

I’ve seen some people say “it’s a kids show, they shouldn’t have to tackle heavy topics like those.” However, I find this idea to be ableist in itself and let me explain why.

Saying that a topic like chronic illnesses is too “dark” for children implies that people who struggle with them should hide it. This idea is really just people wanting the minority to be silenced, as in “your problems are too sad or uncommon, so let’s not bring them up.” But this only makes it harder for them to get things like accommodations or accessibility. It also creates a generation of children who don’t understand that some people have different needs than most.

Children can and will have Chronic Illnesses. When season 7 came out, I had just turned 14 and had been dealing with my illnesses for at least 2 years at that point. I loved shows like Avatar:the last air-bender, and a multitude of animes that had good characters who happened to have either disabilities or illnesses, and were children, going to school, and trying to do normal things like all their friends. The lack of this representation is what makes people like me grow up thinking that we should hide who we are or that we are abnormal. And we are abnormal, as in the minority. But! and listen to this, Almost half of the population has at least one chronic illness. However, most children do not, as most illnesses developed later in life, or at least past puberty. Therefore, good representation for this group could be the difference in a child’s self esteem and self-worth.

Let me also talk about how Shiro’s illness was completely taken away… twice.

When Shiro’s arm is replaced by a robotic one pre season 1, it just so happens to be the same arm that is effected by his illness. His illness was only revealed in season 7, leading me to believe it was thrown in there as a plot device to create conflict between Shiro and Adam to explain why he never talked about him during his time in space.

Any notion that the illness could appear in another part of his body is completely wiped out as his body is replaced by the body of his clone. So he is completely “cured” by…well dying… but ok!

This kinda says to me that people who have chronic illness should get better or die LMAO. Shiro did not struggle at all with this, he still went on the mission and then was virtually cured.

Anyway, I love Shiro as a character, I just can’t help but feel his illness was thrown in for brownie points similar to how his queerness was thrown in there with little regard to audience members who are actually apart of those communities. Like yes, you have a character that is technically gay, and disabled, and of color, and chronically ill, but it doesn’t matter if you don’t actually talk about it.

I try not to comment too much on the Shiro Queer-Baiting Situation because I’m not apart of the queer community so it doesn’t feel like my place. But, I felt it had some similarities to this one, so I made note of it!

Sorry if this made no sense, I’m writing this at 2am. All love! (｡´ ‿｀♡)

Voltron Writers to Minorities:

!!!! thank you so much for this!! the ableism in voltron in particular is something i rarely see talked about, so it's really great to hear what you as a chronically ill person have to say on the subject! u put this across rlly well and literally everything u said was perfect and so right, fuck vld <3

[femalechibiblogger]

Celebrities Who Were in ‘Fallout’ Games Part 1

You may not know this, but the Fallout game franchise has actually had famous celebrities guest star in their games. Some you may know, and some you may not have heard of, but maybe you recognized their voices without realizing it.

1. Keith David

Keith David is a voice actor who is known for voicing ‘Goliath’ in Gargoyles, ‘Dr. Facilier’ in The Princess and the Frog, ‘Flame King’ in Adventure Time, and ‘King Andrias’ in Amphibia. Besides cartoon characters, Keith David also voiced characters in other video games, such as ‘The Arbiter’ in the Halo series, ‘David Anderson’ in the Mass Effect series, ‘Sgt. Foley, in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, and Al Simmons/Spawn in Mortal Combat 11. 

In the very first Fallout video game, Keith David voiced a man named ‘Decker’, who was a powerful crime boss in The Hub. Decker rules over the crime ridden city of The Undergrounder, and can offer two jobs to the Vault Dweller...but you can also bring down his criminal empire with the help of The Hub authorities. 

Overall, Keith David’s excellent voice acting skills really do fit within the Fallout universe.

2. Katherine Soucie

Katherine Soucie is a voice actress who has played many characters in cartoons from the 90′s and 2000′s, such as: ‘Phil and Lil’ in Rugrats, ‘Maddie Fenton’ in Danny Phantom, ‘Lola Bunny’ in Space Jam, and ‘Kanga’ in the Winnie the Pooh franchise.  Besides cartoons, Katherine Soucie also voiced characters in video games such as: ‘Rachni Queen/Kaira Stirling/Greta Reynolds’ in Mass Effect, ‘Sally/Shock’ in The Nightmare Before Christmas: Oogie's Revenge, ‘Taro’ in Final Fantasy X, and ‘Naryu Virian’ in The Elder Scrolls Online. 

In the first Fallout game, Katherine Soucie voiced two characters. The first character was a girl named ‘Laura’, who is a member of the Children of the Cathedral and a spy for the Followers of the Apocalypse. Laura pretends to be meek, submissive, and quite to hide the fact that she is a spy for another cult, and is actually quite strong and sharp. If the Vault Dweller gives her a password, she will help them enter the LA Vault. Another character that Katherine Soucie played in the same game is The Master’s female voice. The Master is the main villain of the first game, and is the one creating the Super Mutants that ravage the Wastelands. 

Katherine Soucie has returned in the recent Fallout game, Fallout 76, voicing robots and a Crater Raider named ‘Surge’, who will betray the leader of the Crater Raiders if we ask the Raiders for help in breaking into Vault 79. 

Katherine Soucie is a veteran voice actress who has played characters from our childhoods and continues to do amazing work. 

3. Tony Jay

Tony Jay is a voice actor who was known for voicing villains in animated movies and tv shows, such as: ‘Judge Claude Frollo’ in The Hunchback of Notre Dame, ‘Shere Khan’ in The Jungle Book 2 and Talespin, ‘Megabyte’ in Reboot, and ‘Monsieur D'Arque’ in Beauty and the Beast. 

In the first Fallout game, Tony Jay voiced an intelligent Super Mutant named ‘Lieutenant’ who is the right hand man of The Master and the commander of the Mariposa Military Base. Lieutenant known for being more intelligent than most Super Mutants and has important information about The Master, which can come in handy for the Vault Dweller. 

Tony Jay also voiced another Super Mutant character named ‘Attis’ and was also the narrator in Fallout: Brotherhood of Steel. Like Lieutenant, Attis is highly intelligent for a Super Mutant and created an army from the remnants of The Master’s fallen army. He is the Brotherhood of Steel’s greatest enemy and is the main antagonist/final boss of the game.

Tony Jay’s voice was perfect for dark, cruel villains. Sadly, he passed away in 2006 at the age of 73...but he will always be remembered for his excellent voice work.

4. Cree Summer

Cree Summer is a voice actress who is best known for her roles as: ‘Numbuh 5′ in Codename Kids Next Door, ‘Cleo the Poodle’ in Clifford the Big Red Dog, ‘Susie Carmichael’ in Rugrats, and ‘Elmyra Duff’ in Tiny Toon Adventures. 

In the first Fallout game, Cree Summer a young woman named ‘Tandi’ who is the leader of a small settlement called Shady Sands. The Vault Dweller would become a trusted ally of Tandi after saving her town from their enemies, and she would go on to become one of the most influential people in the Capital Wasteland. 

Cree Summer returned in Fallout 2, but as a different character named ‘Joanne Lynette’. Joan Lynette is a woman who is the pillar of the community, Vault City, who seeks the Chosen One’s help and can exile them from vault City if the Chosen One gets on her bad side. But if they remain on Lynette’s good side, she can make them the Captain of the Guard in Vault City. 

Cree Summer has a great voice and is a very funny person whose characters tend to stand out, as she can make them sound both serious and playful. 

5. Clancy Brown

Clancy Brown is an actor who has done both voice acting and live action roles. He is best known for voicing characters such as: ‘Mr. Krabs’ from Spongebob Squarepants, ‘Lex Luthor’ in the DC Animated Universe, ‘Savage Opress’ in Star Wars: The Clone Wars, ‘Chris Bradford/Dogpound’ in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and ‘Red Death’ in Venture Bros. Not only was he in cartoons, but he also voiced characters in other video games: ‘Doctor Neo Cortex’ in the Crash Bandicoot franchise, ‘Hades’ in God of War III, ‘Alec Ryder’ in Mass Effect: Andromeda, and ‘Lt. Hank Anderson’ in Detroit: Become Human. 

Clancy Brown also appeared in live actions roles in both movies and tv series, such as: ‘Capt. Byron Hadley’ in The Shawshank Redemption and ‘General Wade Eiling’ in The Flash.

In Fallout, Clancy Brown voiced ‘Rhombus’, a Paladin and Head Knight of the Brotherhood of Steel in Lost Hills. Rhombus is very dedicated to the Brotherhood and tries to keep political struggles outside of the research and development in New California. 

While Clancy Brown is known for playing villains, he is also great as playing allies to the main characters. 

[cat-induced-fever-dream]

Bet On It

Pairing: Wanda x Reader Genre: Mentions of smut? (It’s literally nothing.) Fluff? Description: The Avengers place bets on when you’re going to make a move on Wanda. Notes: Inspired by an episode of Girl from Nowhere on Netflix, my first Wanda fic, and my first Tumblr post. Feedback appreciated. :)

- - -

“Before I conclude today’s meeting, I would like to formally welcome our newest Avenger, Y/N L/N,” announced Steve, walking you around the room.

As a highly esteemed SHIELD Agent with a track record of being efficient and effective under pressure, it wasn’t long before Fury called you in to work with the Avengers, before promoting you to be on yourself. Of course, you weren’t enhanced, but what you lacked in powers, you made up for with confidence, intelligence, and your ability to make a mean grilled cheese.

“Well of course, you already know most of us, and Thor is off world, but I’ll do the introductions nonetheless. Tony-“

“Billionaire. Playboy. Philanthropist. Daddy issues. Yeah I know the deal, Captain Rogers.”

Sam snickered loudly. “You hear that Tony?”

“I’m cutting your pay for that L/N,” Tony laughed, feigning annoyance.

“I mean I’m a trained spy. I’d just steal your credit card.”

Clearing his throat, Steve continued. “Sam, Bucky-“

“You show Sam what that arm do yet Bucky?”

“I’ll throw you across the room with that arm,” Bucky threatened, but you could tell there was no bite.

“But then you’d have no one to annoy you all day.”

“I wish,” he sighed.

“Okay moving on, Bruce-“

“Take me out on a date before you lose your shirt like last mission, alright buddy?”

Bruce (and the Hulk inside) chuckled at the joke. “Welcome on board Y/N.”

“Alright here’s Clint-“

“How are the kids?” you asked.

“Good,” he smiled. “Actually, Lila’s taken to archery.”

“And to think you wouldn’t teach me,” you complained.

“Don’t they teach you at SHIELD?”

“How long has it been since you were there?” you retorted. “Oh right, I forgot you’re an old person. Archery is outdated.”

“You take that back,” Clint grinned.

You simply grinned back in response.

“Ahh Nat, my favourite ass-kicker,” you drawled.

“What, no joke for me?” Nat questioned.

“Pretty sure I’d get my assed kicked.”

“Fair enough,” Nat replied, lips curling into a smirk.

“Vision,” you nodded. “Out of curiosity, can you do the robot?”

“Very funny Miss L/N. But seeing as I can access the Internet, I would assume I can do any and all variations of it.”

“You’ll have to show me sometime.”

“Agent L/N are you done?” groaned Steve.

“Please, don’t be such a party pooper Captain Rogers,” you huffed, crossing your arms. “And first impressions are everything, right?”

“Thank god we’re almost done,” he mumbled. “Anyway, our newest members, who you wouldn’t have met yet, Wanda and Pietro.”

“The speedster,” you prompted. “You know the SHIELD folks are gossiping about the good looking man with blond hair.”

“Bet I could speed my way into your heart,” he replied with a charming smile.

You laughed lightly at him as the girl next to him nudged him in the ribs.

Taking the ring adorned fingers of brunette, you kissed the back of her hand gently. “And a pleasure to be in your presence, Miss Maximoff.”

Rolling her eyes, she blushed, but allowed you to continue.

Coughing loudly, Steve interrupted. “Wanda, do you want to show Agent L/N to her room?”

With your hands still connected, she gave a brief nod to the super solider before tugging you out of the meeting room.

“Aw, not even a hello?” you laughed at your girlfriend as she pulled you up the stairs.

“Do you have to embarrass me front of them?” Wanda replied with a small smile.

“How else are they gonna know much I love you?”

You smirked as Wanda flushed again. Even 7 months into dating, she still got flustered every time, and it was ridiculously cute. And you couldn’t help but feel a small sense of pride that it was your words that had this effect on her.

“Anyway, here’s your room darling,” she announced, pushing open the door.

A spacious room with neutral hues greeted you. Sunlight streamed through the window, which housed a view of the city. A bed was pushed up against the corner, and a desk against the opposite wall. A large TV hung above it.

“Stark sure knows how to spend his cash... Anyway, you wanna help me set up?”

“We both know you’ll end up sleeping in my bed dekta. It’s just across the hall anyway.”

“Someone’s being forward today,” you teased. “But you’re probably right.”

“So, blanket fort and movies then?” you turned to Wanda with a cheeky grin.

“In the afternoon?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“I’m a full grown adult, I can do whatever I want,” you declared. “And I want a blanket fort.”

The witch rolled her eyes at you once more. “I’ll go get snacks.” “Yessss!” you cheered. “I’ll raid your room for blankets. Meet you here in 5!”

Meanwhile in the meeting room...

“Did you guys see that?” Tony asked, a cunning glint in his eye.

“I don’t like that look Tony,” Steve warned.

“In the words of Y/N, don’t be such a party popper,” he waved dismissively. “But did you guys all see that? I could’ve cut the sexual tension between Y/N and Wanda with a knife.”

“I’m not sure you know what that is Tony,” Bucky replied. “That’s just flirting.”

“You’re literally from the 1900s, I doubt you’d know.”

“You know,” cut in Sam, “Stark might be onto something here. Wanda didn’t stare them down until they questioned their existence.”

“Thank you Sam,” Tony continued, “Need I remind you, she literally kissed her hand and wasn’t immediately thrown out the building.”

“What are you suggesting?” Bruce asked.

“Ah, ever the perceptive one Brucie. So,” Tony grinned, “when do you think they’ll hook up? I’m betting $200 on a week from today.”

“Tony,” Steve scolded, “you can’t place bets on teammates.”

“And I don’t think betting on this is a good idea Stark,” Pietro added. “Especially when they’re alre-“

“You too Pietro?” Tony jumped in again. “Didn’t take you for being such a spoilsport like Capsicle here. Who else is in?”

“No way I’m letting you win without a competition,” Clint said, pushing himself off the wall. “$50 on 4 days,” he declared, digging out his wallet.

“That’s a little soon, don’t you think?” asked Sam.

“Y/N can be charming when she needs to be.”

“Oh hell no. A girl like Wanda needs to be romanced. I’m betting on 26 days.” Sam chimed.

“Can’t let you boys have all the fun. 2 weeks.” called Nat from the end of the room.

“Nat,” Steve said pointedly.

“It’ll be fine Rogers, it’s just a bit of fun.”

“Alright then,” Tony clapped. “We’ll write our bets on a sticky note with our money, and we’ll keep it in this envelope so no one cheats.”

“But there’s no point cheating, since I’m gonna win,” proclaimed Sam.

“I doubt it,” replied Bucky. “But I’m not saying no to cash. Count me in.”

“According to my calculations, I estimate it will be 18 days and 14 hours,” stated Vision.

“So you in?”

“Based on my observations, this is a team bonding activity, so I will participate.”

“Yeah it’s your favourite, bonding, Rogers,” Tony laughed. “You can get your notes to me any time, as long as Y/N isn’t around.”

- - -

You were were fixing yourself a cup of coffee in the kitchen when Clint sidled up to you. “What’s up old man?”

“Well,” he started. “As much as I am protective over Wanda, I do wanna know. When are you going to make a move on her?”

You knocked over your cup (thankfully empty) in surprise. “What do you mean?”

“She clearly has a soft spot for you, and you think she’s pretty, right?”

“With eyes like that, she doesn’t even need to put a spell on me,” you replied. “Also watching her beat up bad guys? Hot.”

“Yeah so what are you wait-“

“Y/N,” hollered a flash of blue, coming to a skidding halt next to you. “You said you’d spar with me.”

“If you could use your super speed to make my coffee brew faster, I’ll come.”

“Ugh you can have coffee later,” Pietro complained. “Come on.”

“Guess this conversation can wait,” you turned to Clint with an apologetic smile. Before you could say anything else, Pietro had already dashed with you to the training room.

- - -

“What’s his deal?” you puffed at Pietro, trying to regain your breath after a solid hour of training.

“Clint?” he asked.

“Yeah, that conversation before was kinda weird.”

“They have a bet on you and Wanda.”

“What kind of bet?” you inquired, interest piqued.

“When you’re gonna hook up.”

You chuckled to yourself before pausing abruptly. “Wait, they don’t know?

“Mhm.”

“Well then,” you smirked mischievously.

- - -

“I am never letting you drag me out to jog again,” you yelled, shoving Pietro into the living room.

“Not my fault you can’t keep up,” he laughed.

“It’s literally your fault, you said you wouldn’t use your powers.”

“That sounds like a you problem.”

“Well you, owe me a coffee.”

The rustling of paper drew you two out of your banter. The Avengers were sprawled on the couches, and in seeing you, Bucky moved to stand in front of the table in the middle.

“What’s going on here?” you questioned, walking over and perching yourself on the edge of a couch.

“I told you this was a bad idea Tony,” hissed Steve.

“What’s a bad idea? you pushed further.

“Bets,” mumbled Sam. “On you and Wanda getting it on.”

At least he had the decency to look sheepish.

Chuckling to yourself, you turned to them. “Well go on then, don’t let me stop you.”

“It’s over anyway,” said Tony quickly, trying to grab all the notes sprawled across the wooden table.

“Don’t be a party pooper,” you smirked, plucking a note from from his hands. “I’ll start.”

Unfolding the adhesive, you read out the messy scrawl on the page. “4 days.”

“Do you really think so lowly of me Clint?” you drawled. “But no, it wasn’t 4 days.”

The archer looked up from the floor in confusion.

Delicately opening another, “26 days.”

“Wow, and you think so highly of me bird man, thanks,” you grinned. “Surprisingly, Sam is closer.”

“L/N what are you doing?” Tony demanded.

Ignoring him, you continued. “18 days and 14 hours from Vision. We’re getting warmer here. 14 days from Nat.”

Turning to the assassin, you beamed at her. “I always had faith in your abilities. That’s a pretty good guess.”

A loud cough came from the doorway as none other than Wanda dragged herself into the room.

“Back from training so soon babe?” you called, the pet name rolling off your tongue.

A pillow hit you on the face moments later. “You sneaky bastard, I’ll give you that,” smirked Nat.

You stuck your tongue out back at her.

“What are you guys doing?” asked Wanda, walking to stand next to you and placing a hand on your shoulder.

“Well,” you turned, “in the words of Sam, they’ve been betting on when we’re going to get it on.”

Your girlfriend’s face went as red as a tomato. “Why are we talking about this,” she mumbled, burying her face into your neck.

You just chuckled good naturedly again. “Go on Tony, read that one you got there. I want to know who got the closest.”

The billionaire cleared his throat awkwardly before reading. “15 days, 15 hours and 15 minutes.”

Yanking her head up, Wanda looked at you. “Is this why you insisted on waiting 7 minutes?”

“Yep!”

She groaned and buried her head again. “I hate you.”

“Well Tony, who’s guess was that?”

His eyes widened. “Y/N...” he trailed off.

Moving off the couch, you began to gather the money. “I guess this is all mine then.”

“I actually hate you,” groaned Wanda.

“You can’t hate me, I’m rich!” you declared dramatically, fanning the bills in your hand. “And I know what will make you not hate me, ice cream! C’mon Wands.” You pulled her away.

“What? I want ice cream too,” Pietro whined.

“You’re welcome to come if you want to see us making out,” you told him.

“Shut up Y/N,” called Wanda, as noises of disgust came from her brother simultaneously.

“But for your services,” you thumbed a couple of bills, and slapped them into his hand. “Gotta say, Captain America must be proud of our excellent demonstration of teamwork,” you winked cheekily at Steve, before high fiving Pietro.

“I’ll see you all later,” you said as you sent a winning smile to the rest of the Avengers.

And they could only sit there gaping as you two strolled out the compound hand in hand.

“I tried to tell you they were dating,” smirked Pietro, before dashing out of the room.

There was a few moments of shocked silence, before Sam spoke up. “Damn, we just got played.”

[zaptap]

ive made a few of these bingo sheets and theyre fun so i decided to make one not just for e3 but also JUST for splatoon 3 (not just for e3 but for like the whole lifetime of the game). also heres my updated list of characters id like to see in smash, ordered generally by which id like more and/or think are the most realistic

since min min got in i took out helix, and since i couldnt decide whether to add in waluigi or madeline i added another row (realistically i dont think any indies are getting in but i threw some in anyway). also i was like “oh yeah maybe theyd put in a gen viii pokemon” so i threw in hatterene since thats one of my favorites.

also as for waluigi (and shovel knight for that matter) i think it would be nice to see an assist trophy get in just to break that rule. also i remember being super surprised he wasnt in brawl (back then i thought he and wario were equally important) and even though that was based on a wrong impression ive still felt like he should be in there ever since

notes about the bingos under the cut

really is about time for those n64 games, especially now that mario is dead so theyre free to release sm64 on it. game boy games would be nice sometime too

would also make sense to include banjo-kazooie in that, nintendos had a good relationship with microsoft lately and the total absence of anything banjo-kazooie on the switch is odd since it’s a dlc character (every other one has a game on switch they can use for cross-marketing, even if joker’s took a while) and i think the best explanation for that would be that theyre holding off for the nso n64 app (this is easiest from a technical standpoint because all they have to do is make a deal to use the roms)

when are they putting octolings in mk8d

xenoblade chronicles x is one of the only wii u games left that they could port (aside from ones that wouldnt make much sense like splatoon and ssb4) so i guess that might as well happen sometime. also monolith soft might be doing something else besides helping with splatoon 3

im not ready for metroid prime 4 (im over halfway through mp2 and therefore the trilogy as a whole) but it’s been a while, they might show it and it could even come out this year

hal apparently recently hinted at a new kirby game or something

the upgraded switch is obviously going to be called the Nintendo Switch ͥ  since they already did the ds lite so theyre clearly naming everything in the family after the ds family, theres absolutely no flaw in this logic. idk if theyre showing it, but unlike 2019 they didnt say they werent showing new hardware (just that they were showing software, which could be taken as denying rumors, but they sometimes specify when certain things arent being shown)

metroid prime trilogy also might come this year. would make sense to release it before mp4 since not everyone is going to buy a wii u to get it (and at this point that doesnt get nintendo any money since they stopped making them)

where is detective pikachu 2. i hope it has the blue pikachu from that first tease they gave us in like 2014 (2013? that was a loooong time ago idk)

they said this was MOSTLY 2021 so i am absolutely getting my hopes up for splatoon 2

the two sinnoh games could likely be there

would be super cool if oddity came to switch. and almost as ironic as megalovania getting into smash

we havent seen the botw sequel for a couple years so we’re kind of due for an update on that

it’s ace attorney’s 20th anniversary this year so maybe theyre doing something. theyre already porting those games though so idk. maybe he’s getting in smash

whats with that watermelon mario render

i held off on watching a playthrough for ndrv3 on the off chance it came to switch and i could play a dangan ronpa game for real for once but it’s now been 4 years and we just passed the 10th anniversary of the series (albeit during a pandemic when i wouldnt expect them to have done anything) so it would be cool to see the series come to switch. i think if it still doesnt after this though i’ll just watch the playthrough, 4 years is long enough. amazed ive avoided spoilers this long, i still know next to nothing about the game

im about done with acnh but im still waiting on those splatoon items. and i ran out of storage in february so i need more of that too

nintendo did stuff for zelda’s 30th anniversary so i doubt theyre forgetting the 35th. maybe wwhd/tphd ports, idk

been a couple years since fire emblem, intelligent systems is probably up to something besides planning yet another paper mario spinoff

miyamoto forgot pikmin 4 in the oven 6 years ago and it got burnt to a crisp and thats why it hasnt come out yet because he had to start over

and splatoon

the inklings scared daft punk into quitting so now that theres no competition in the robot musician scene they should have a daft punk style group

i waited and waited and neither of my top two splatoon stages (flounder and d’alfonsino) came back in splatoon 2 so i hope just because splatoon 3 isnt in inkopolis doesnt mean they still wont return

would be sick as hell if there was a real hide and seek mode instead of just sticking to your own rules in private battles. havent played that since 2015 but it was super fun

show us the effects of the chaos world

i wanted mc craig to have a song in octo expansion and they didnt deliver. heres another chance

splatnet 3 baby

cant wait for nogami to do a funny 3 pose

abxy came back for splatoon 2.... am i gonna be that lucky again...?

salmon run doesnt make sense if youre friends with a smallfry but they could either change the story context (you just fight “evil” salmonids?) or replace it with an equally fun co-op mode

amiibo!!! i think i said this before but they should label them by weapons if these cephalopods dont have genders, would make more sense (the gendered ones had different weapons anyway)

returning characters!!!! would like to see everyone have a role of some kind

maybe #GearForAll wasnt successful in getting the emperor/spy/mecha gear, but perhaps theyll at least consider not making that stuff exclusive this time around

squid girl gear should be back. and they should call it a dress instead of a tunic because its a dress. and theres no gender now anyway

as ive said before... TRIPLIES!! you hold one in each hand and another in your mouth. and you can spin around like the tasmanian devil

remove splatfest tee annoyances: you should have a prompt at the end of a splatfest to pay to scrub your tee (to make sure you get the chunks) also it should be on a neutral brand so you dont end up with an overabundance of ink resistance up (or whatever else)

better online and cloud saves would certainly justify having a second splatoon game on the same console, as much as im loving that it exists

hopefully theres a global testfire again

sooner or later the workers will rise up and kill mr grizz

remember in splatoon 1 where if you had squid beatz (via the amiibo) you could “play” it in the lobby and change the music? then you were stuck listening to only bubble bath in splatoon 2? why did they take that option away they should bring it back

looking at those apartment buildings in the trailer i think it would be cool if you had your own room and could decorate it

an octavio redemption arc would be fun to see. in the manga he stole the zapfish because the octarians had an energy crisis, and in the end they worked out a deal to share the electricity

[transmascfrankiero]

all of mcr’s songs ranked out of ten based on whether or not you can strip to them:

romance: could work if you were going for a Super Melancholy smiths-esque vibe but overall too slow and pretty. 1/10

honey: headbanger soundtrack to showcase your revenge body to ur ex. bonus points for underlying ‘gonna murder shitty boyfriend’ context thanks to audition-inspired video. but slightly too angry to be seductive. 5/10

vampires: too goth, too many feelings. reminds me of pot dreads frank. would not work. 0/10

drowning lessons: this song is cursed and cannot be listened to in public unfortunately 0/10

sorrows: if u were going to do a strip routine while beating the shit out of someone for trying to stealing ur tip money this would be a gr8 choice 6/10

halos: it’s about blowing your own head off and taking too many pills to cope w/ wanting to die all the time. 0/10

turnstiles: please do not!!! strip!!! to a song!!! about 9/11!!!! what is wrong w/ you!!! -100000000/10

monroeville: if u were doing a private lil strip dance for your george a. romero-obsessed s.o. where u both cry over the idea of having to kill the other person b/c they turned into a zombie then sure??? but other than that no. .5/10

best day ever: ehhhhhh. too fast. kinda weird to get sexy to unless u have a hospital kink. 0/10

cubicles: wow the thought of doing a strip routine to a song about pining for ur coworker who doesn’t know u exist is too sad to even joke about -20/10

demolition lovers: it’s a long song but it’s got cool tempo changes for variety and if u got the stamina then go for it. 4/10

helena: so, like, i get it. it’s a bop. u could dance to this beat for sure. the costumes and color scheme from the video make for gr8 stage pictures and the dancing corpse lady is v pretty. i could understand why if u were doing an emo strip routine u would want to use helena. but please for the love of all that is holy do NOT strip to a song gerard way wrote about his dead grandmother okay i am BEGGING you -∞/10

give ‘em hell kid: FUCK YEAH YOU LOOK PRETTY WALKIN DOWN THE STREET IN THE BEST DAMN DRESS U OWN. 10/10

to the end: this would be a hilarious choice for a bachelor party ngl 7/10 for that alone

prison: absolutely you could strip to this song but u gotta COMMIT okay u gotta light something on fire onstage and challenge gender norms while screaming your head off 8/10 but only if ur not a coward

i’m not okay: it’s a bop, but can u strip to it? no. 0/10

ghost of you: mikey way did not die on a beach in fake normandy for u to strip to ghost of you. seek help -5/10

jetset life: dude this song like. actually works??? for a strip routine??? so long as you don’t actually listen to the words, from a musical perspective, u could totally strip to this 10/10

interlude: what kinda weird catholic shame kink do u need to have to strip to this song. also it’s too short and too pretty. -5/10 (unless ur into catholic shame idk)

venom: this would require such a high energy routine but if u can make being sweaty work then this is a gr8 choice 7/10

hang ‘em high: this is a BATSHIT INSANE choice for a strip routine but if u want to do it then PLEASE do. i like ur style. 8/10

deathwish: u can strip to this only if u introduce ur routine by dedicating it to everyone who ever said eyeliner on dudes was gay. 5/10

cemetery drive: i think not. 0/10

never told you: if u are a highly theatrical highly murderous stripper then yes definitely 7/10

desert song: this song is Way Too Beautiful to strip to sorry you can’t have it -300/10

the end.: the only sexy thing about this song is how good gerard’s voice sounds so no. 0/10

dead!: this is a bold fucking choice but u have to play your cards just right. high risk high reward but SO much to potentially get wrong 6/10

how i disappear: u could. but why. 2/10

sharpest lives: holy SHIT yes ABSOLUTELY u should strip to sharpest lives. the drama. the beat. the spy rock guitar that frank accidentally nailed. this is one of THE choicest options from their catalog. why aren’t u stripping to this right now 50000000/10

wttbp: cute idea but don’t actually 0/10

i don’t love you: again, a bold fucking choice. u could strip to this in an edgy, meta sort of way but it’s missing the trashy factor so it’d have to be part performance art and part strip routine. if ur into that then totally 5/10

house of wolves: i mean i would pay money to see someone strip to this song so 7/10

cancer: LMAO YIKES -2000000/10

mama: this would be GLORIOUS if u fully embraced the sheer insanity and went Bonkers in Fuckin Zonkers burlesque-show-in-hell w/ it. 100/10 but u gotta pound the floor wailing at some point

sleep: i’m conflicted on this one like on the one hand it’s a good tempo for stripping but on the other hand it’s a song about being cruel to ur loved ones in order to force distance between u and them b/c you’re terrified of them getting hurt and it being all your fault. so maybe don’t strip to this one actually 0/10

teenagers: a bop w/ a great beat and fun costume ideas from the video but two major drawbacks being 1. ur getting naked to a song about teenagers which is uhhhh sort of Inappropriate and 2. it’s kind of also about school shooters which is also Inappropriate to get naked to. 0/10

disenchanted: why would u want this. you sad fuck. idek what to say except if you want to strip to this song i’m crying on your behalf -100000000/10

famous last words: don’t????? don’t. Do Not. stop that. -12/10

blood: this is HILARIOUS omg please strip to blood 10/10

kill all your friends: sure?? no objections but it’s an odd choice. this goes for the demo too. 2/10

heaven help us: if u want to strip to this then you definitely just read unholyverse for the first time and while u are valid, Don’t 0/10

my way home is through you: not an especially sexy song but it’s fun!! you do you 3/10

astro zombies (cover): uhhhhhh it’s a no from me dawg. i’d be thinking about danzig, like, the whole time. 0/10

desolation row: sure but u gotta be willing to get punched in the face by the riot squad for maximum effect 4/10

common people (cover): just b/c gerard would strip to britpop doesn’t mean u can. 0/10

emily: NO!!!! -50000/10

party at the end of the world: nah. 0/10

not that kind of girl: literally please consider the subject matter of this song and rethink ur life choices. -10/10

all the angels: it’s a cool song but don’t strip to it that’s weird -2/10

jack the ripper: you and the person who wants to strip to astro zombies can go sit in the suicidegirls corner together how about that. 0/10

na na na: a banger!! strip away my friend 9/10

bulletproof heart: a good song but not a strip song 1/10

sing: sorry this song is [REDACTED] it gets no score

planetary (go!): you could try to strip to this but it’s such a classic four-on-the-floor that i think you’d end up just regular dancing to it and forget to be sexy so 4/10

the only hope for me is you: are you doing a strip tease for michael bay. stop. put ur shirt back on shia lebeouf 0/10

party poison: like this is a hilarious option and i support you but realistically it’s pretty fast for a strip song 3/10

save yourself, i’ll hold them back: this is a safe option. Too Safe. almost soulless. a person who’d strip to this would avoid eye contact the entire time and never smile and later when you went out for a smoke break you’d overhear them on the phone with their ex arguing over child support payments. 4/10

s/c/a/r/e/c/r/o/w: the more i think about it the more fun the idea of stripping to this becomes so i say go for it 6/10

summertime: i’m Certain that gerard would prefer if you didn’t -5/10

destroya: is this objectively the best mcr song to strip to? Absolutely. it’s got everything you could possibly want right down to built-in moans and fever dream drums. but the only person in the universe who Can Must and Should strip to this song is gerard. sorry them’s the breaks. ∞/10 but only if you’re gerard way

kids from yesterday: don’t. 0/10

vampire money: 100% yes you should strip to this. bonus points for stealth twilight references 1000000/10

we don’t need another song about california: do i like this song? yes. is it sexy? no. 0/10

black dragon fighting society: i can’t understand what the FUCK gerard is saying in this song AT ALL so i can’t recommend that u strip to it b/c i have no fucking idea what it’s ABOUT 0/10

f.t.w.w.w.: i mean. this song is about eating pussy. and robots that are built specifically to fuck. so yes you can strip to this but you gotta dress up like a pornbot 100/10

mastas of ravencroft: again i cannot understand most of the fucking words and the ones i do understand are something something RICKETY BONES RICKETY HANDS so like. probably not the one 0/10

boy division: i could go either way on this one like it’s really fast but it’s also about cocaine so??? 3/10

tomorrow’s money: while this song slaps overall violent nihilism does not a strip song make 1/10

ambulance: no. 0/10

gun.: antiwar messages are sexy but not the right kind for stripping 1/10

the world is ugly: PLEASE no. 0/10

the light behind your eyes: oh my god this is so DEPRESSING why would you want to strip to this who hurt you -2000000/10

kiss the ring: yes yes yes it’s got built-in audience participation conceit factor if u let ur audience kiss ur ring, totally works 10/10

make room!!!: again, slaps, but not a strip song 1/10

surrender the night: dude we talked about this!!! dying violently w/ ur loved ones is Not Sexy!!! 0/10

burn bright: i guess you could strip to this but again it’s Too Safe tread carefully 3/10

fake your death: i want frank iero to strip to this song so i can throw tomatoes at him for being a LYING SACK OF SHIT FOR TWO YEARS i’m not gonna rate this one but frank if ur out there i have a basket of slightly squishy heirloom tomatoes and i am COMING FOR YOU

[kitty-does-stuff]

Hardcore Henry Lore (Aka for Payday fans wondering what Hardcore Henry means for the world of payday)

Now this isn’t a perfect breakdown of everything, if you want full context you should watch the movie & then read Hardcore Akan (aka the one issue vcomic tie-in). But this should go over the whole backstory & lead up along with answer stuff like basic ages of Akan & Jimmy

Since this is rather long it is going under the cut, if I am missing anything lmk.

Also warning that this spoils all of hardcore henry.

The Timeline

The events of the Hardcore Henry world notblely start on April 26, 1986, aka the chernobyl disaster, during the disaster Akan’s mother was starting to give birth, with how things are told within the comic she died due to a pill that those going to the disaster were given to trick them into killing themselfs, that she took after being told by her husband that it would save her. 

The newborn Akan was taken in by a doctor working at chernobyl, that within this world was the one at fault for the disaster, the man (Dr. Akanov) was likely the one that named Akan, given that the first name seems based on the last name.

It is likely that during the 80’s that Jimmy is old enough to watch the news & remember details about it, mainly this is likely due to a joke he makes about watching a news story in the 80’s

Sometime around here is when Henry may have been born.

During Akan’s childhood & teen years he us bullied by his peers due to how he looks and likely some traits he showed around others his age, in his late teen years before going to university he convincses his father to no longer use animal testing at his labs & as a whole behaves in ways that make it hard for his father to later believe his crimes

Within university Akan is still bullied but he is able to join an underground animal fighting ring, said group as a twist that the animals (only seen with frogs) were made into cyborgs, this means it’s likely that Akan himself had talent with robotics & making cyborgs. During this time he does nearly get a girlfriend but he unwisely took her to the fighting ring & she did not approve of the animal abuse.

Shortly after schooling Akan became a part of the clubbing & partying scene, likely starting with selling others drugs before he ended up making his own, which was meant to be one that would activate at the same time no matter when tooken, he was very sure in this drug so took himself (either meaning he was overconfident or skilled at drug making).

Sadly the drug did not do it was meant to and instead more- melted, those that took it, Akan being the only person that took it that lived, though after making up from his coma he had the power to move things with his mind (likely he always had this power, the drug just made it show itself).

After this he learned what his father had done by mistake & more about his past, after this he kills his father and everyone at the head of Akan industries

After taking control of the company Akan shortly after hiring James “Jimmy” a biolesit from the uk who wished to use dead bodies in his studies, it is likely that Jimmy had a pretty good idea on what the company was doing.

Sometime after Jimmy is hired but before he is uh… “fired” Slick Dimitry was hired, likely at first as a bodyguard as he is seen with Akan when Akan breaks Jimmy’s back. It is unknown when Slick Dimitry became a cyborg but I believe he is likely a beta test for one, maybe he willingly became one or maybe it was Akan’s way of saying thanks for a loyal worker.

Jimmy makes the first prototypes of the super soldiers, but they are mindless & overall useless, which makes Akan decide to break Jimmy’s back & fire him, likely thinking Jimmy won’t have the nerve to fight back afterwards or would be unable to.

Jimmy makes his clones, likely starting with Nerd Jimmy as this clone is the closest to the Jimmy that worked for Akan personality wise, it is unknown how he was able to do this, set up his lab or where he even got the money for all of this.

Estelle likely becomes the head of the super soldier project, she may have already been married to Akan or they became close during this time, what is likely is that she is a big part of the project.

Shortly before the events of Hardcore Henry the timeline splits, in the main timeline Akan does not try to hire the Payday Gang (As they likely do not exist as anything other than a video game that Jimmy is likely a fan of given his mask which would fit the game). Meanwhile the 2nd timeline is the Payday timeline, in which Akan tries to hire the Payday gang but Jimmy pays them more & is able to steal research about making super soldiers, which likely means Henry is never made into a super soldier & the events of the movie never happen.

Henry somehow dies & his body is found/already agreed to be used as the main super soldier for the first field test/programing phase, it is unknown as to why Henry was picked or why he naturally has a lot of skills that other super soldiers don’t have (he is able to beat other 200 of them, so it’s likely he has a past with fighting in it)

At the start of Hardcore Henry’s movie Akan is 29-30, Jimmy is likely in his 40’s, Henry is likely the same age as the maker of the flim, & the other characters are unknown/likely the same as their actors.

The events all take place during the same day, by the end of the day almost all named characters are dead other than Henry, who is left within a helicopter after killing Akan & Estelle. The screen goes black and hears that Jimmy left a message for after he died, with one last job (it is unclear when he would’ve made this or how Henry (who likely is the one listening) found this message.)

Other Events

It is likely that Hardcore Henry is within the same world as the music videos of the music vidoes that inspired the movie, the story follows a highly skilled spy (who’s skillset is like Henry’s, they may be the same character at different points within the timeline, Henry being a spy that was looking into Akan but was killed by Akan’s forces would make sense) who has blended into a evil unknown company, there is a hacker also posted there. They are there to get a device that can teleport. When he tries to get it the alarm goes off and the mission goes loud.

At first he is unable to get away with it & is catched, his partner is killed and he is then able to get the device back after fighting his way through the company forces & the one with it, the last of the fighting takes place within a baby’s room, who after the fight is other grabs the device and uses it by mistake, it is unknown where the baby went or what became of the spy.

Fixing the whole chernobyl problem

So the way the chernobyl disaster is shown in Akan’s comic does not make sense and would’ve made things go a lot worse worldwide & would’ve made history different (Butterfly effect problems)

So my best try at fixing this is that Dr. Akanov lied or Akan made up his own version of events, here’s what both would mean:

Dr. Akanov lying likely would mean that he likely blames himself for the event or at least a lot of the death around the event, he was a doctor after all so it isn’t unlikely that most people he tried to treat would die in horrible ways, making there be trauma that could’ve had him make a version of the events where those he treated died quicker, in more peace. Akan’s mother was likely a women close to giving birth when the disaster happened & got readied, later dying in childbirth with Dr. Akanov adopting the child due to the birth father dying from the disaster & the radian

Akan making up likely means the story is just his way of explaining his own powers, him having albinism & getting rid of any guilt he may have had about killing his own father.

What is missing

So there are parts of the story missing, mainly because everything that was meant to come out hasn’t, mainly another movie & more comics.

We know very little about what happened between Akan hiring Jimmy & firing him, this likely would’ve been covered by comics, along with the stories of some of the notable people that worked for Akan, like Slick & Estelle.

We don’t know how Henry’s body ended up in Akan’s & Estelle’s hands, nor do we know anything about his past outside one moment from his childhood & that he got a tattoo.

We also don’t know what Jimmy’s last job was.

We don’t know what the serious version of the story would’ve been like

No clue on when Hardcore Henry Meets Rooster Teeth fits into any of this, maybe it’s the happy end au where Jimmy doesn’t day & him and Henry are like roommates or something

[skiller0dani]

Aching Curiosity | Klaus Hargreeves

M A S T E R L I S T TUA Masterlist

smut requested requests info

I am now talking The Umbrella Academy Requests! See my requests info for the details. Klaus is my precious baby bean, he’s one of my favorite characters. god I am so hot for this man. like look at his smile, and his shoulders, and his neck, and his jaw, and his chest, and and~~ 

okay I’m done. enjoy xx

You knew he was a mess when you met him. 

You could tell before he even spoke a single word to you that his life was falling apart, even with the cheeky smile he sent your way, along with the palm that read Hello. Reginald Hargreeves had hired you recently as a maid, cook, personal assistant to Grace. You knew almost nothing about him or his 7 strange children, other than that there were comic books written about them, along with action figure toys made. You’d always found that odd, was it because Mr. Hargreeves was rich? One of his daughters, Vanya Hargreeves had released a book but you have yet to pick up a copy. You were employed to her father, it felt like spying on him. Even after Mr. Hargreeve’s death you remained with Grace and Pogo-  it didn’t take you long to figure out what made the Hargreeve’s children so famous. 

One has super strength, Luther.  One never misses, ever, Diego.  One can control peoples minds, Allison.  One can speak to the dead, Klaus.  One can time travel and teleport short distances, Five.  One had tentacles emerge from his body, Ben. And one was completely ordinary, Vanya.  

While you had met most of Mr. Hargreeves children, Ben had passed away a few years prior and Five went missing nearly 16 years ago. Either way none of the children lived in the house anymore, you spent your days with Mr. Hargreeves, Grace, and Pogo. Until the untimely death of Mr. Hargreeves. 

As soon as he’d stepped foot in the door, you knew he was a mess. There was black rimming his red hazy eyes, a joint in one hand and a big lazy smile on his face. An eyebrow cocked when Klaus’s eyes landed on you, and the other eyebrow joined when his eyes trailed over your uniform. He had a bottle in his palm and his tongue darted out to catch a drop rolling down the side. Grace came up behind you, “welcome home dear. This is Y/N, your father’s new maid.” She smiled, her eyes wide and robotic as Klaus pressed a kiss to her cheek. Your heart felt as though it was beating like wild when Klaus turned to regard you once again, a smile was pressed to his face and you waited in anticipation when he opened his mouth. “Why the hell would you take a job here?” A short laugh escaped as a huff from his mouth before he’s turning for the living room- and a bar. 

With only 1 person, 1 robot, and a monkey living in the house it wasn’t particularly dirty. Pogo gave you your instructions most of the time but since Mr. Hargreeves died he didn’t have much of anything for you to do. Most often you roamed around the house, admiring the books or examining the individual brush strokes of each painting. You followed Klaus into the living room, where your eyes landed on a painting of Five. Klaus leaned against the bar, another bottle in his hand. He tilts his head back as he ingests what you hope is a medication that was prescribed to him. Based upon his appearance however, you doubt it. 

“Why did you take this job?” He asked, turning around so that his back is pressed against the bar. 

“Good pay.” You say simply, truth is, is that there’s more to it than that. But you don’t feel like saying your sob story to a drunk pill popper. Klaus must have caught wind of your timidness as an almost greedy smile crossed onto his face before he pushed away from the bar. He swayed from foot to foot before finding his balance. You felt heat simmering in your lower belly as Klaus towered over you, his eyes narrowed. A teasing smile stretched across his lips, “my father was probably the most miserable person to be around, and you chose to spend all day with him, every single day for... good pay?” Klaus inquires, a sarcastic tone in his voice as he leaned down to look you in the eyes. You blushed under his hard stare. 

“You’re either really lonely or really desperate.” Klaus shrugged, standing up straight. He had to have been the most attractive man you’d ever laid eyes on even though he had an air of femininity to him, which strangely made him more attractive. Feeling embarrassed by his interrogation you make a beeline for the staircase, watching Klaus’s smile turn upwards in victory as you retreat. 

It wasn’t until hours later that you’d seen Klaus again, and this time he sought you out. The sun had long set under the edge of the city, and most of all the other siblings had arrived- even Five. Which you couldn’t wrap your head around still- the image of him falling from the sky replaying in your head. You were tidying your cramped bedroom, or rather broom cupboard that Mr. Hargreeves had given you to use as a bedroom. You folded clothes, yours and Grace’s to be exact, so they would be ready to put away the following morning. One harsh knock, followed by 2 more took your attention from the laundry in front of you. You almost never had anyone knocking at your door, and all the siblings except for Klaus and Vanya had all but ignored you. You didn’t take it personally, they did just lose someone although you’re not sure Mr. Hargreeves was very important to them. 

“Klaus?” You were confused to say the least to see him leaning against the wall opposite your bedroom. He had a smile resting lazily on his face and in his hand he held a bottle and two glasses. “Have a drink with me.” There was a twinkle in his eyes and you knew already that you lacked the strength to turn him away, it was curiosity that drove you forward. You took one of the glasses as you led him down the hallway, your bedroom was far too small to sit comfortably in. “Mine.” Klaus said as he snatched your wrist, and with a short nod you were following him back through the house towards his own- much larger- bedroom. 

You felt nervous as you crossed the threshold into his bedroom. Klaus collapsed against his bed, and you stood stiff as a board in the doorway. “Sit down, Jesus before you turn into a fucking statue.” Klaus grumbled with a playful smile, and you try to ease your nerves as you sit on some cushions he has placed on the floor. Being alone with Klaus, sent tendrils of electricity pulsing through your entire body, and you’d only known him a few hours. You felt a strong magnetic pull towards him and anytime the opportunity presented itself, you allowed your eyes to take peaks of his body. Klaus poured the clear liqueur into his glass and you followed suit. 

“Why did you really take this job?” Klaus asked after the 4th glass, and to your surprised he still seems pretty composed. You were on your third glass and were already starting to feel the alcohol’s effects. You let out a deep breath as you slam the rest of the alcohol in your glass, “needed an escape. Somewhere I felt safe, my ex boyfriend is a real piece of work.” You say with a sigh and Klaus’s eyebrows furrow together as he scoots of the bed to sit on the floor with you. “He used to go on drunk tangents, would break stuff, threaten to hurt me. He scared me so when I got the offer from Mr. Hargreeves to be a live in maid, I immediately said yes.” You didn’t realize tears were in your eyes until Klaus was brushing one away as it fell down your cheek. A dark look flashed in Klaus’s eyes before he was cupping your cheeks and forcing you to look into his eyes. 

“Did he ever hurt you?” There’s a haziness in his eyes but you can tell he’s being serious. You shook your head, even though it was a lie. Your ex boyfriend definitely has hurt you before, but something tells you that this would upset Klaus beyond belief and you don’t want him to worry. When you noticed Klaus’s eyes locked on your lips your heart jumped in your throat. You froze as he inched forward, giving you plenty of time to stop him. Much to his delight, you don’t stop him before he presses his lips against yours. Normally Klaus isn’t this assertive, tending to be more submissive but he can practically taste the timidness coming from you. He wants to feel your lips on his, to feel your body on his and he knows that won’t happen unless he takes the lead. 

At first you’re stiff, but when Klaus’s hand tangles into your hair at the back of your head you immediately melt against him. Knocking the glasses aside you lean up into his inviting lips as his tongue slides across your bottom lip. Klaus cups your cheek with his left hand, his other still tangled in your hair as he presses you more firmly against his mouth. You feel like there’s a drum beating in your chest as you lean up on your knees to press against Klaus. He falls back against his bed, and in your drunken haze you crawl frantically onto his lap. You grind your hips down on his hardening bulge, your brain fogged by alcohol and lust. All you can feel is him- lips and tongues and teeth and hands wandering all over each other’s bodies. After a few minutes of a heated make-out session you finally regain your sanity and come to your senses. Klaus’s lust blown eyes stay locked on you as you have your hands pressed to his shoulders. 

“What’s wrong?” His question is genuine and his chest is heaving as he catches his breath. Your lips are pink and swollen as your heart hammers wildly in your chest, “K-Klaus I can’t. I’m a virgin.” You whisper the last part, your mind screaming at itself for not having lost your virginity yet. Your body longs desperately for him, for his cock to be buried inside you. Klaus leans against his bed, his chest heaving, “oh.” Is all he manages to huff out. His lips are tingling and all the blood is rushing to his cock. His hands grab at your hips, his grip his loosening even after your confession. “Well that’s okay, I don’t mind.” Klaus shrugs, his eyes scanning your face but he can’t tear his gaze away from your lips for very long. Your eyebrows shoot up into your hairline, “you still want to...you know...with me...even though I’m a virgin?” Your cheeks blush darkly as the words stammer from your lips. Klaus smiles like a schoolboy, “oh yeah.” He reassures, his hands ghosting up and down your sides. 

Timidly, you press your lips against his once more. Klaus moans into your mouth at the contact, his hand reaching up to cradle the back of your head. The kisses become more and more desperate as your lips begin to move against his faster. Klaus’s hand drifts up your back to suddenly push your body against his, your breasts crushed against his chest. “You sure you’re okay,” he starts, beginning to kiss down your neck, “with me popping your cherry?” Klaus gasps in between kisses as he nips at your neck. Your hands grab at his biceps as you moan softly, feeling his lips working down your neck to your collarbones. “Mhm I’m sure.” You whisper lazily, your head rolling back as Klaus’s mouth presses wet kisses to the tops of your breasts- still mostly covered by your shirt. “If you want me to stop just say so.” He says, pulling away from you to look in your eyes. 

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I thought you were gay when I first met you.” You muse aloud as his mouth returns to pressing kisses to your collarbones. Klaus chuckles as he thumbs the bottom of your shirt- you quickly get the hint and nervously pull the fabric up and over your head. “Oh baby I don’t fit in any one box, I fuck whatever makes my dick hard. Be it a man, woman, I don’t care.” Klaus mumbles, his lips exploring the newly exposed skin. Your breasts are nearly spilling from your bra when Klaus’s hands hastily yanks your bra down to expose them to him completely. His eyes widen and Klaus swears his mouth is watering at the sight of you, “fuck” Klaus hisses under his breath. Fumbling with the clasp Klaus eventually just yanks the bra off, tearing it in half as he does so. You moan as he does so, and Klaus arches a brow at your response. 

Klaus is leaning down to capture one of your hardened nipples into his mouth as his other hand drifts down your stomach. Your fingers dig into his shoulders as his teeth bite down on your nipple, forcing a cry of both pain and pleasure to erupt from your mouth. You reach up to cover your mouth with your palm but Klaus gently removes your hand, “I want them to hear you.” As soon as the words leave his lips you feel a rush of arousal head south, dampening your panties. Klaus dips his hand into your sleep shorts as you pull at his shirt, helping him yank it over his head. You stayed in his lap, subconsciously grinding against him as his fingers make contact with your aching clit. 

“Am I not going fast enough darling?” Klaus teases as he watches your hips lazily roll against his hard cock on their own accord. A blush darkens your cheeks as you play with the short hairs on the back of his neck. You shake your head, “faster.” You whisper, your empty pussy clenching around nothing. Klaus presses a quick kiss to your lips before lifting you with him as he stands. Turning around, Klaus gently lays you back on the bed, and your heart is hammering hard. Your head is still hazy with alcohol, and all you can think about is Klaus’s cock pushing inside you. Klaus reaches up to hook his fingers into your sleep shorts and panties, and he yanks them down your legs with one quick yank. Once you’re laying completely naked underneath him you squirm from the heated look he’s giving you. Klaus’s fingertips brush against your tummy, a wide grin splitting across his face. 

Gliding his fingers through your folds, you whine loudly while Klaus hums appreciatively at how wet you are. Prodding a finger against your entrance, Klaus very gently pushes a finger into you. Your legs spread open further as you moan softly, feeling sparks shooting through your entire body. Klaus begins to steadily pump a finger into you, and he can’t take his fucking eyes off you. Your back is arched slightly as the most beautiful sounds he’s ever heard tumble from your parted lips. Very carefully Klaus adds a second finger and you groan, your fists curling into the sheets as you already feel a climax approaching. Seeming to sense your orgasm as well, Klaus pulls his fingers from your wet pussy immediately, standing straight. Your chest is heaving as your head thumps back against the pillow, but you lift your head when you hear Klaus undoing his jeans. 

When his tight pants are shimmied off his legs you can’t take your eyes off the prominent bulge in his boxer briefs. Klaus leans down to press a sweet kiss to your lips before digging around his bedside drawer, his mouth turning up to a smile when he pulls out what he was looking for. A condom. “Hold this for me okay baby?” Klaus says gently, sensing your nerves coming back. You swallow thickly as your trembling hands reach forward to take the condom from him. “Still want to do this?” He asks as his fingers curl into the waistband of his briefs. You nod instantly. Klaus smiles before pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead before pushing his briefs down his legs, allowing his leaking cock to spring free. Klaus hisses in relief as his aching cock hits the cool air and he smiles at you before plucking the condom from your shaking hands. 

You watch as Klaus tears the condom wrapper open to slowly roll the condom down his shaft. You swallow thickly as you part your thighs for him, settling your head into the pillow as Klaus leans over you. “Will it fit?” You ask, feeling dumb for even asking. But Klaus simply presses another kiss to your lips as he nudges the blushing head against your wet opening. “Don’t worry baby, it’ll fit.” Klaus reassures, one of his hands snaking between your bodies to line himself up. Once Klaus slots the head of his cock against your tight opening he looks up at you before does anything, “are you absolutely sure you want this? I don’t want you to wake up tomorrow with regrets.” He says, his face falling. You wrap your arms around his shoulders, “I’m sure. If we don’t do this, that will be the only thing I’ll regret tomorrow morning.” You whisper as you pepper kisses along his neck and shoulder. Klaus licks his lips with a nod and a small smile. 

Very gently Klaus begins to push into you, his lips pressing sweetly against yours as a cry of pain begins to escape your lips. Klaus’s hands find yours as he slowly works the head into you, and you feel tears prickling at the corners of your eyes from the pain. Klaus begins to slide the shaft into you and your mouth falls open as tears drip down your cheeks, the burning is unbearable. Noticing your tears Klaus panics and comes to a halt, “oh shit I’m so sorry, am I hurting you? Do you want to stop? W-we can stop-” His voice is bordering on frantic as he brushes your tears away quickly. You cut him off by pressing your lips against his, but when you pull away you still see the panicked and guilty look in his eyes. “Please keep going, I don’t want to stop.” You beg, your hands coming up to cup his cheeks. Klaus remains still inside you, he looks unsure. “Klaus please, please I want this. I want you, I can take the pain.” You plead, and finally he gives in.

Klaus very timidly resumes working himself into you, his eyes darting back up to scan over your face as he slides into you. Eventually he hits the hymen and by now he’s damn near panting because of how tight you are hugging his cock, and it’s taking every ounce of self control for him not to pound into your little pussy. Klaus presses his forehead against yours, his arms curling around your body as he surges his hips forward- breaking your hymen and sliding fully inside you. You gasp in pain as your arms wind tightly around him, holding onto his back. Klaus pants into your neck, “you feel so fucking good. Holy shit,” He gasps, and you nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck. Klaus sits still inside you, waiting until you give him the green light to move. 

After about 5 minutes you release a shaky breath, the burning subsiding. “You can move, but gently okay?” You tell him, your words muffled by the skin of his neck. Klaus leans up on his elbows, as he brushes his nose against yours. He gently pulls his hips back before slowly sliding back into you. The small thrust has stars bursting behind your eyes as your nails dig into his back. Klaus continues his gentle thrusts, sliding back in with a little more force then before. As he feels the pleasure building in his stomach Klaus’s lips frantically find yours, his thumb reaching down to roll your clit as he sweetly fucks into you. You kiss him back with fervor, feeling your own climax approaching again. “Please don’t stop, fuck Klaus don’t stop.” Your pleas spur him on as he gently fucks into you a little harder, rubbing harsh circles onto your clit. “Oh God Klaus fuck I’m-I’m-” Before you can finish your sentence, you’re clenching hard around his cock as you cum. You gush around him as he cums in hot spurts into the condom as soon as he feels you clamp around him. 

Chest heaving, Klaus pulls out of you with a wince to discard of the condom. There’s a dull ache between your thighs and your legs feel like jello. Klaus comes back to bed and collapses next to you, a smile stretched across his face. He flicks his lamp off, and he brushes his nose against yours. “Did I do okay?” Klaus asks, insecurity creeping into his voice. You wrap your arms around him to pull him against you, “you did perfect.” You reassure him and he nuzzles his head against your chest, before the two of you drift to sleep. 

The next morning you’re being carried to the kitchen on Klaus’s back. You had tried to stand but your legs wobbled and you fell back against him. That’s when he scooped you into his arms and began to piggyback carry you around the house on his back. As the two of you enter the kitchen, Diego raises his eyebrows. “Did you have a good night?” He asks, a knowing smile on his face. You blush and open your mouth to try to deny it or even explain yourself but Klaus smiles widely, “fuck yeah I did! I totally got laid.” You hide your face in his back in embarrassment, feeling the vibrations of his laughter.