#effects; and also my blood pressure is too high for it. and like.. i don’t need to take a birth control pill when what’s wrong with me

[fingertipsmp3]

Btw I’ve never talked to an actual medical doctor about my mental health issues so I have no idea how to go about it. Lol

[diazsdimples]

Inspiration Saturday/Several Sentence Sunday

Tagged by @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @spotsandsocks @cal-daisies-and-briars @loserdiaz and @bidisasterbuckdiaz thank you friends! I shall get to all your snippets so soon! Also tagging you back for Sunday

Guys I am being such a bad person and have 6 wips that I'm actively writing, BUT the Frostpunk beans are beaning so hard and I'm so glad! Ngl getting people to force me to write it was extremely effective cause turns out, just like Evan Buckley, I have a praise kink that's visible from space sdkjsdkjd. Here's a moodboard I made ages ago and another small snippet!

“Hey bud, it’s Buck. I- I don’t know if you can hear me but I’ve bought a book with me today, and thought I’d read it to you. My sister used to read it to me when I was little, and it always made me feel safe, so I figured I’d do the same for you.” Buck waits a moment to see if Christopher is going to respond, a twitch of a finger or anything to indicate that he can hear Buck’s words, but the kid remains still, slumbering peacefully with his hands folded over his stomach. Buck licks his lips and opens the books, a wave of nostalgia passing over him as the dry pages pass between his fingers as he flicks through to the first lines. “The year that Buttercup was born, the most beautiful woman in the world was a French scullery maid named Annette…” Buck lets himself get carried away by the words as he reads through the first chapter, mapping out the world for Christopher. As he reads, Buck watches as Christopher’s heart rate slowly decreases, going from a swift 90 beats per minute to a much more acceptable 65. It’s enough to make Buck a little choked up, if he thinks about it too much, that his presence and his voice are calming enough to calm Christopher right down. Buck can’t help but notice the way a few medics hang around as he reads, finding excuses to linger in order to listen to the story. One medic takes Edmundo’s blood pressure three times in the span of 2 minutes, claiming that it was a “little too high for my liking”, but considering he’d heard Hen announce only 10 minutes prior that his blood pressure was a healthy 128/75, Buck isn’t buying it. By the time he’s finished the first chapter, there’s three medics shamelessly hovering around him, one even perched on the end of Edmundo’s bed, her chin resting on her hands and a faraway look in her eyes. Buck slams the book shut, chuckling internally as everyone in the room jumps and suddenly bustles back to work. “Well, that’s the first chapter, bud,” he says as he leans over Christopher once again, brushing a hand over the kid’s forehead under the pretence of checking his temperature. “I’ll be back again in a few hours for chapter two, gotta go out and do some perimeter checks before Bobby yells at me. Hen and Chimney will be right here if you wake up, and your dad is sleeping right next to you. I’ll be back, I promise.” He gets up off the chair, tucking the furs back over the arms once again. He thinks about pressing a kiss to Christopher’s forehead but decides against it. Christopher isn’t his son, after all. His friends would have questions. There’s absolutely no excuse, however, for the way he walks over to Edmundo’s bedside, takes his cold hand in his, and rests his forehead against Edmundo’s shoulder, whispering “please, wake up,” into the fabric of his hospital gown. Buck is aware he’s in trouble.

no pressure tagging @theotherbuckley @hippolotamus @watchyourbuck @thewolvesof1998 @neverevan

@babybibuck @fortheloveofbuddie @aroeddiediaz @daffi-990 @jesuisici33

@steadfastsaturnsrings @wikiangela @bibuckbuckgoose @exhuastedpigeon @wildlife4life

@slightlyobsessedwitheverything @evanbegins @rainbow-nerdss @kitteneddiediaz @elvensorceress

@epicbuddieficrecs @smilingbuckley @spagheddiediaz @actuallyitsellie @babytrapperdiaz

@thekristen999 @loveyouanyway @shortsighted-owl @underwaterninja

[mercillery]

ADMIRALS AS TEACHERS

WARNINGS: GENDER NOT SPECIFIED + NOT PROOFREAD + MODERN AU???

CHARACTERS: Akainu + Kizaru + Aokiji

NOTES: This was has been sitting in my drafts for a while... Also, to whoever sent in requests yes I am working on them just give me time please <3

AKAINU

Honestly, Akainu would likely teach a subject that requires an unwavering commitment to discipline, structure, and a strong sense of justice. Subjects such as ethics, law, or history seem to be right up his alley. Specifically, I envision him as an Advanced Placement (AP) History teacher. His approach to teaching would be strict and authoritarian, instilling both respect and a sense of fear among his students. 99% of the students in his class are driven by fear of him rather than actual motivation to learn. That being said, the atmosphere in his classroom would be one of constant pressure and high expectations, which almost every student finds overwhelming and intimidating. 

Akainu would demand nothing short of absolute perfection. He would have zero tolerance for disobedience or laziness, expecting his students to show the same dedication and rigor that he himself embodies. Any form of attitude or defiance would be met with immediate consequences—Akainu would not hesitate to expel a disruptive student from his classroom without a second thought. Is spending time outside the classroom better than being stuck in his class? Probably. But your chances of failing his class have probably just increased by a lot, and he will absolutely catch on if you’re just being disobedient to skip his class. So don’t abuse this.

His primary focus would be on the material being taught rather than on his students' personal feelings or stress levels. To him, the importance of the subject matter would always trump any student's grievances or frustrations. He would expect his students to maintain a laser-sharp focus, regardless of how they feel about school on any given day—meaning that you’ve got to bring your A game to his class every day. It’s that or nothing. Even if you’re grieving or stressed like crazy, he expects you to give it your all, no matter what. Sorry! 

Akainu motivates his students through a combination of fear and respect rather than through encouragement or praise. He firmly believes that the fear of failure and its consequences is a powerful motivator, driving students to excel in their studies and adhere to his exacting standards. For students who are particularly afraid of failing or falling short of his expectations, Akainu's methods can be both terrifying and effective. The fear of disappointing him or not meeting his high standards often has students working themselves to the brink, sweating blood, and shedding tears to avoid his wrath. Despite the intense pressure, those who manage to channel their fear into diligence and hard work will find that they can succeed in his class! And yes, he does notice when his students are actually trying and putting in effort; he just isn’t the type to announce it to the whole school building out loud.

His classroom is orderly, with students seated in neat, precise rows. He enforces assigned seating, meticulously choosing who sits where. And this isn’t a random arrangement; Akainu deliberately separates friends, ensuring they sit far apart, while placing those who aren't close right next to each other. This strategic seating plan is just another layer of his strict control over the classroom environment, much to the students' frustration. Moreover, the walls of his class are adorned with military posters and detailed maps of various historical battles. This carefully curated setting, combined with his demanding teaching style, ensures that students understand the weight of their education under his watchful eyes… 👁️ 👁️

To conclude, Akainu’s teaching methods are definitely controversial, as most view his strictness as too harsh or oppressive. However, he believes that it is necessary to prepare his students for the harsh realities of the world they will eventually enter. He has good intentions, believe me. He’s just too strict and intense.

AOKIJI

After mulling it over for a while, I still can't pinpoint the exact subject he would teach. Environmental science, literature, or geography all come to mind, but I can't decide :( Regardless of the subject, though, one thing is certain: he’s a student favorite for a multitude of reasons. Despite his frequent tardiness—honestly, he’s late to his own class more often than not. Students and faculty alike wonder how he manages to keep his teaching position. But the truth is, no one really cares because Aokiji is simply adored by everyone—specifically the students. His laid-back attitude and approachable demeanor make him the most beloved and popular teacher in the entire school. It's almost as if his popularity grants him immunity from the usual rules and expectations. He’s the kind of teacher who leaves a lasting impression—the one students talk about long after they've graduated.

As I mentioned just now, Aokiji has a habit of arriving late to his own class, but his students don’t mind because that just means they get more time to chill. His tardiness has become a running joke among the students too. In fact, it’s almost a tradition at this point. Despite his late arrivals, Aokiji makes up for it by staying late to help students who need extra assistance. If you're wondering about his usual delay, it's typically just a few minutes. However, on Mondays, Thursdays, or any of those universally dreaded days, he can be 20–30 minutes late at best.

Unlike Akainu, Aokiji very much cares about his students' well-being, even if it’s not immediately apparent. Despite his tired and nonchalant appearance during class, he absolutely cares—trust me on this. If you’re struggling to focus on school because of other issues weighing on your mind, you can turn to Aokiji. He’s always ready to listen, and he’ll never dismiss your concerns. Whether you need to talk things through or just need some space, he’s there to support you. He might suggest signing you up for a guidance counselor or offering some time alone to collect your thoughts. Whatever you need to feel more comfortable and less stressed, Aokiji will do his best to accommodate. His students know they can rely on him, not just as a teacher but as a genuine source of support and understanding.

His class is... messy? Chaotic? Unorganized? Probably all three. Desks are scattered haphazardly around the room, with some areas having far more desks than others. Aokiji doesn’t care where his students sit as long as they aren’t too disruptive. He’s the kind of teacher who gives his students the freedom to arrange themselves. Some students take advantage of this by placing their desks close to his, eager to chat and interact with him since they absolutely enjoy talking with him. If Akainu ever walked into Aokiji’s class, he’d probably have a stroke. The disarray and lack of strict order would be too much for him to handle. But for Aokiji and his students, this chaotic setup works perfectly.

Aokiji is also known for his patience with his students. When one or a group of students become too disruptive, he lets it slide a few times, but with each incident, he becomes a bit more firm—not mean, just firm. He understands that students need a bit of leeway, and his relaxed approach reflects that. Despite his leniency, he rarely has to make students change their seats for being disruptive. His students usually get the message after a few warnings and straighten up, likely because they genuinely like and respect him as a teacher. However, if a student is being outright disrespectful or causing problems for him or another student, that's when Aokiji's demeanor changes. He becomes noticeably firm and directly addresses the issue. He’ll tell the student that they need to either chill out or take a walk around the school for a few minutes to cool off. When something like this happens, the entire class becomes captivated. It's almost as if every student suddenly has a bowl of popcorn, eagerly watching the situation unfold. They relish not only the chaos of the situation but also the rare moment of seeing Aokiji get serious, given his usual laid-back attitude.

In conclusion, Aokiji is one of the coolest teachers in the building. That’s about it. Everyone loves him and wishes to have him as their teacher for every class.

KIZARU

I'm definitely getting physics teacher vibes here... Yeah, Kizaru would be the perfect fit for teaching physics. Physics can be really complicated and confusing, but with his laid-back attitude, you'll feel much more at ease. His relaxed approach helps take the edge off, so you won’t find yourself too stressed out or panicking when grappling with the subject matter. And there’s an added bonus: Kizaru speaks incredibly slowly (like in the anime lol), which gives you plenty of time to process everything he’s saying. This means you can really take in the information and understand it better, rather than feeling overwhelmed by a barrage of fast-paced explanations. So, even if physics isn’t your strong suit, Kizaru’s teaching style makes it a lot more approachable for you.

Now, unlike other teachers, Kizaru actually goes out of his way to make his class entertaining and engaging. He understands that while some students can push through the boredom and focus solely on the material, others struggle with staying attentive. He completely gets it—he’d be bored too if his own class was dull. With this in mind, Kizaru uses everyday objects and interactive demonstrations to bring physics concepts to life. Whether he's using a simple toy car to explain inertia or demonstrating wave interference with water in a tub, he makes sure that the principles of physics are not only accessible but also enjoyable to learn. Additionally, Kizaru infuses his lessons with humor and a touch of sarcasm, making jokes that keep the class lively. His witty remarks and playful banter can quickly recapture the attention of his students if their minds start to wander. And just like that, in no time, he wins over his students, making physics a subject they look forward to rather than dread.

Kizaru is incredibly patient with his students. He never rushes them and always takes the time to ensure that everyone understands the material before moving on. If a student is struggling, he's always ready to offer one-on-one help. His supportive approach fosters a casual atmosphere where students feel comfortable asking questions and participating in discussions! For those who are too nervous to ask questions in front of the class, Kizaru has a special approach. He makes it a point to quietly check in with these students individually, asking if they have any questions or need further clarification. He understands that some students are just too shy or prefer not to speak up in a group setting, so he keeps a close eye on those who tend to be more reserved. This attentiveness ensures that everyone, even the quietest students, has their needs met. Kizaru’s ability to create a welcoming and supportive environment means that no one gets left behind!

Inside Kizaru's classroom, it's a hub of physics experiments and fascinating gadgets. From gyroscopes spinning on desks to pendulums swinging gracefully and intricate Rube Goldberg machines humming with activity, the room is alive with hands-on learning opportunities. The seating arrangement in Kizaru's class is designed to promote collaboration and lively discussions. Desks are often grouped in clusters, encouraging students to work together on projects and problem-solving exercises. What's more, Kizaru allows his students the freedom to choose their seating partners! However, he maintains a balance by gently addressing any disruptions that may arise. While students are generally free to sit where they please, he sets clear expectations for behavior. If there's occasional distraction, Kizaru might let it slide a couple of times, but he ensures that the focus remains on productive learning.

I feel like outside of just normal class, Kizaru leads or supports a physics club, where students can delve deeper into their interests, participate in science fairs, and engage in fun physics-related activities like building rockets or participating in robotics competitions.

Kizaru takes an understanding stance if he notices a student having difficulties because of personal problems like stress or other issues. He acknowledges the need for space and time to attend to personal problems and acknowledges that everyone encounters challenges occasionally. As a lenient and understanding teacher, Kizaru absolutely prioritizes the well-being of his students. If someone requires additional time to cope with personal challenges or simply needs a break to recharge, he's supportive and accommodating. Whether it's offering extensions on assignments, providing extra guidance, or simply lending a listening ear.

In summary, Kizaru's physics class is a dynamic blend of humor, creativity, and hands-on learning, transforming physics into an exciting and accessible subject for all his student!

[quinloki]

Birthday Request Event v2024

"It's my birthday and I'll write what I want to \o/"

Gift Details ♥ Reader Style: afab!reader Character: Eustass Kid Vibe: NSFW Consensual AU: Modern AU Prompt: Outside Gift Giver: @captaintrio

Summary: it's a nice day outside. Perfect for sitting on the porch swing and enjoying some sweet tea with your sweetie. <3

Content Notes: dom/sub dynamics, orgasm denial, forced orgasm, outside bondage, rope bondage, shibari, vaginal toy, anal toy, use of good girl, mdni

This birthday party is 18+, consensual unless explicitly stated otherwise, and BYOB

Your legs are tied out in a split against the firm cushion of the large porch swing. Well, large enough that your feet are flat against the sides of it, tethered in place with rope. If you were taller Kid would’ve had to get more creative with the setup, but as it was, this worked.

Stuffed in your holes were custom toys made by the man himself. Engineered nearly to your limits you couldn’t be more full, or if you could, they wouldn’t be able to vibrate like these did. The double vibrator had a tongue with a bullet vibrator in it, nestled against your clit.

Your left hand, which was facing the house, was tucked under the sun dress you had on, tied against your breast in intricate and delicate knots. Effectively your arm and hand were acting the part of bra for this little event. You had to be careful though, if you flexed your fingers you were going to pinch your own nipple.

Your right hand was free, but if you lifted it too high the shibari rope dress underneath your sun dress would become fairly obvious.

“How’re yer legs, Mouse?” Kid questions, giving you a sideways glance as he sits nearby sipping on some sweet tea you’d made earlier.

“Good,” you assure him. “I’ve been doing splits so much the last couple years I’m going to start lounging like this.”

“Mm, there’s a tempting thought.” He grins. Kid holds his hand out so you can see the remote he’s holding. Right now there’s no one walking down the street, but your house is on a residential street. It’s not inner-city levels of close, but it’s not quite suburbia either.

He presses the button and the assembly buried in your ass and pussy come to life. The sound isn’t too bad. It’s audible, but no one on the sidewalk would really be able to hear it. The vibrations are intense despite the relatively soft sound, and you gasp involuntarily. You recover swiftly, straightening up and steadying your breathing against the onslaught.

Sitting up tightened the rope dress and pressed the bullet into your clit with a little more pressure.

“Shit,” you hiss gasping a little as your body throbs.

“Too much?”

“Ah-almost.” You admit. You can feel the blood rushing through you, and gods the toys feel fantastic. But you’re outside. It’s going to be about five soon, and a lot of the people in the neighborhood will be coming home from work. A few couples took walks before they had supper, people were going to be walking their dogs after leaving them home all day for work.

Kid was popular. Everyone knew him. Even before you two got together, people called him all sorts of titles, but he was effectively the guardian of the neighborhood. The only good thing was that it was Friday, and Friday was the one day that all the neighborhood kids knew not to approach Kid. Fridays were when he’d work on his dangerous stuff, but also when he’d pull shit like this.

And so, away they stayed.

Emergencies happened, but you were sure Killer, Heat and Wire were nearby.

“Almost huh?” Kid rolls his thumb over the remote and the vibrations intensify. You start panting, trying to not whine or moan while you’re outside. “Let it out. You hold out on me now and it’ll be worse when people start showing up.”

Shaking your head you look at him pleadingly. “Don’t make me scream, Kid, please. Ahhh, ah, I just don’t want to scream, not outside.”

He grins. “Don’t much like repeatin’ myself.”

“Fuck… fuck, please.” You lean forward and shift the little bullet against your clit sending a jolt through you. Deciding to get it over with quickly instead of trying to prolong the inevitable, you shift your hips and get into it. Keeping your eyes on Kid you let the pleasure soak into you, letting moans and whines drip from your tongue as you work yourself up into a quick frenzy.

You’re trying to focus on the pleasure, letting whatever sounds want to come to come out. It’s not about faking it to please him, Kid just didn’t want you to stifle anything. You might not scream when you cum, you might not make much noise at all, the point was not to fight it.

“Don’t fight it,” you murmur to yourself, and can see Kid’s lips curl in delight as he’s watching you. “Please, please, I’m gonna cum for you baby,” you huff. Kid and your pleasure was all you were focused on, it felt so good, you just needed a little bit more.

Another couple seconds and whatever would be would be.

Click.

The rig cuts off and you gasp in frustration, surprise on your face. Kid quirks an eyebrow at you and you shiver.

“Please,” you pout.

“You didn’t want to scream outside.” He points out, licking his lips, biting the lower one a little before giving you that damnable grin.

“I… I don’t care, let me cum, Kid, please.” You say, starting to beg. You lift the front of your sun dress up a little, letting him see the wet mess you know has to be staining the cushion beneath you. “Please, please, I don’t care if I scream I wanna cum. You want me to cum outside, right? Let me, please.”

For a second he just looks at you, and you aren’t sure if what he means to do is edge you outside for a couple hours while people came by. It’s hard to beg Kid with an audience around. The neighbors knew you two were having sex, but you knew they didn’t know how creative it fucking got.

“Keep the skirt up.” He commands, clicking the remote again and bringing everything to life. “Make sure I have a good view, Mouse.”

You nod, leaning back, which drives that damn clit vibrator deeper against you, and keep your skirt lifted. You adjust how you have it based on what Kid tells you, knowing he wants to see without it being obvious to anyone who might come by that you’ve got your cunt on display for him.

Whimpers and moans fall from your lips, wet and heavy with the drool you don’t have enough concern to worry about right now. It’s hot, it’s too much, having him stare at you like this, lifting your dress up while you’re outside. You trust him, so you can sink into the pleasure, but why is it always such a turn on to just do what he says.

“Fuck you’re always hotter when you’re embarrassing yourself for me.” He growls, cranking the remote up as you peak. You scream his name, a yelp of surprise and pleasure. He could’ve pinched your sides for all anyone else might know, but the initial cry slips into shivering moans until he slowly brings the toys down to their lowest setting.

The vibrations make you twitch a little, slowing your descent from the orgasm and teasing you stupid for a minute before you come back to your senses.

“Good girl,” Kid praises you, setting the remote done and bringing you over some sweet tea to sip. “When I make you cum again, you’re not allowed to let anyone know it’s happening, understand?”

You see the first couple cars drive by as he says so and nod. Whether people pass by and wave, or Kid stops them to talk, you won’t be able to scream and beg him anymore. The treat of your face contorted in pleasure is for him, and Kid decides who gets to see it.

And that doesn’t always align with when he makes you cum.

[risingscorchingsuns]

okay so i have the bit where i reblog the post about genya having MALS every time mine flares up, but i realize nobody likely knows what the hell MALS is because it’s pretty rare and massively underdiagnosed. so because this is a thing that Hurts Me A Lot, and also because i genuinely do think it makes canonical sense for genya to have it, so im gonna infodump about it! obvious tw for medical shit and mentions of vascular problems. please do note I am not a professional- just a patient with too much time and having to do my own research because doctors won’t listen to me <3 I write from my own experience and very surface-level research; this is in no way an academic paper.

okay! MALS! what is it? MALS stands for Median Arcuate Ligament Syndrome. The median arcuate ligament is a vascular ligament in the lower part of your chest, and MALS is a kind of chronic vascular compression condition where this ligament sits lower than it should. This puts pressure on the celiac artery, which supplies blood to the stomach, liver, and all the other organs and stuff in the lower abdomen.

The symptoms vary, but from the limited research out there as well as my own experience, the primary symptom of MALS is agonizing chronic stomach pain, which has a risk of flaring up after eating or exercise. In my own experience, it’s both, but it’s mostly food. I’ve had days where I barely eat, or eat much less because i really don’t want to have to deal with a flareup. There’s no foods that trigger it specifically as far as I know, but I’ve noticed that things with high fat or oil contents make the flareups happen faster. For example, sushi- I love tuna nigiri, but the fat in the raw tuna always leaves me in agony 😔 I’ve also had to leave the gym early sometimes, because exercise triggers it. This is less common in my experience, though.

The pain is normally manageable- it feels like a stabbing cramp in my lower abdomen, typically about a 4-5/10 on the pain scale. It sucks, but normally i just have to sit down for about 20 minutes and it passes. But the worst ones have had me completely immobilized, sometimes for hours at a time. The worst one I ever had actually had me hospitalized; I was on the floor curled up, in so much pain I could barely even breathe. It was like someone was twisting knives in my insides- I thought I was dying. I run the risk of pain like this every time I eat. Pain like that is rare for me, and I’ve never met anyone else with my condition, but if they feel pain like that more often than I do, it’s all the more reason to raise awareness for MALS.

As far as I know, there’s nothing to be done for pain management. Ibuprofen and things like that either don’t touch it, or the pain simply passes before it takes effect. Regardless, the only thing I’ve found to do is wait it out, and don’t strain myself. There is a surgical cure, an open vascular surgery to relieve the pressure on the artery. But MALS is very rare, mostly because it is massively, massively underdiagnosed. It took ten years for doctors to stop telling me I was just lactose intolerant/experiencing menstrual cramps and actually run a CT scan on me. I believe the diagnoses rate is two out of every hundred thousand patients. MALS is mistaken for all sorts of things; lactose intolerance, IBS, Crohn’s, pretty much any Tummyache Disorder can get confused for MALS. Additionally, I’ve found mentions of patients saying doctors just straight up don’t believe their pain because there’s no obvious cause. In my experience, finding treatment has been nothing short of a nightmare; because MALS is only debilitating and not technically dangerous, I’ve had countless doctors dismiss my case and tell me to just deal with it. (I could go on a whole rant about sure, yeah, just deal with a coin flip’s chance of agony if I want to sustain myself by literally eating, but whatever thank you fuck you every doctor.) Regardless, MALS is really underdiagnosed, and it’s fairly under-researched as well.

Anyway, onto Genya Shinazugawa. From a surface level, I headcanon him to have MALS because he’s my blorbo and I love projecting onto fictional characters, but if I do a bit of analysis it actually makes a lot of sense. The most obvious symptom is his demon-eating; his ‘stronger’ digestive organs could be some fictional result of MALS. Something or other less blood flow tolerates demon magic something something fantasy. The important thing is, it’s mentioned in the manga that Genya has frequent checkups at the Butterfly Mansion due to his demon eating. I can’t remember exactly where, but im pretty sure it’s mentioned that this ability is harmful to his health/causes him pain. Therefore it’s not unreasonable to assume that eating demons can trigger Genya’s MALS, just as tuna triggers mine. Additionally, it was mentioned in the anime (I believe it was a Taisho Era Secret in the Swordsmith Village arc?) that Genya often refuses food, going long periods without eating. This is a common mental side effect of MALS- a lot of patients, myself included, develop a hesitance or even fear of eating due to the likelihood of it triggering a flareup. It’s likely that Genya is doing the same thing.

Anyway!! If you have any questions, or feel that I’ve missed something, please let me know!! As per usual for me I’ve written this mostly past 3am, so it’s possible I could have my lore crossed!! Regardless id be interested to hear everyone’s thoughts on this headcanon, because it’s not one that I’ve heard before. Thanks for reading! 💜🪲

[genderqueerdykes]

hey punks, i think tasking testosterone sounds interesting for body hair and genital reasons, but i don’t want my voice to lower or to have other side effects like high blood pressure or pelvic atrophy or pattern baldness… i’m not sure what my gender is even doing and i’m a teen so i’m not in the market for HRT right now, but… maybe just for informational purposes? if you have information like this? 🥺

(your blog is super cool btw ❤️)

Hey there. I've written a guide on Testosterone HRT here:

My biggest piece of advice is to weigh the effects you want versus the ones you don't, or the things you are okay with as is: I usually recommend against starting HRT if you only want a very small portion of the effects, and you find there will be more draw-backs than benefits, or you feel that you'll change in too many ways you do not want.

Your voice will drop, there is no way to make that stop, as the hormone directly causes your vocal cords to thicken, and this is irreversible. You should also consider if you are interested in body fat and muscle re-distribution, changes in muscle density, facial bone structure changes, facial hair, and possible increased libido. Things such as baldness and vaginal atrophy can be treated, but it is good to be aware that they can happen

Also consider that taking HRT is usually a lifelong thing- some people choose to stop and start HRT but for many people what ends up being best for them is staying on HRT for the rest of their life. It's a big choice to make, so it's best to do as much research as you can before making that decision. It's good to give yourself time to figure things out.

Hope that can help somewhat, good luck in figuring everything out. Stay safe -K

[thewhumpcaretaker]

⚜ 𝓑𝓮𝔂𝓸𝓷𝓭 𝓙𝓾𝓭𝓰𝓮𝓶𝓮𝓷𝓽 - 𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝒱: 𝒫𝒶𝒾𝓃𝓀𝒾𝓁𝓁𝑒𝓇𝓈 ⚜

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ ✧.*★ Thank you again to @evren-sadwrn for the beta read!

TW: negative self-talk, panic attack, wound care, alcohol, extreme sexual tension, arguing

Summary: John returns to the motel and does his best to address the pain that both he and Vincent are going through.

John’s entire body was pounding with adrenaline.

The little sedan’s engine protested against the 90mph he was breaking on the back roads. He couldn’t stop picturing Vincent on the floor where he’d left him. He had been…well, not too harsh. In reality, he should have left Vincent behind for good, if not shot him. But that ship had sailed the moment he had his epiphany about this man. He wasn’t a monster, just a dangerous animal, and that was something John could manage. But striking a balance between managing the Marquis and making him feel unsafe or undermined…that was already proving to be a challenge.

It seemed he had struck the balance correctly this time, at least. Vincent was in good spirits when he walked through the door, and possibly happy to see him for the first time ever. He sat on the edge of the bed, smiling mischievously up at John. Dog ran to greet him – it seemed the two had become friends already. “What did it look like, when you ran them off the road?”

“…Fiery.”

“This is what happens when I am challenged. Those who recognize my eminence will come to my defense.”

“Right.” John sighed. Vincent’s highs were as bloodthirsty as his lows. But he couldn’t help a half smile back at him. “I will come to your defense. Are we good now?”

“We are, as you say, ‘good.’ What did you bring?” He gestured to the bags John had just piled around the armchair.

“Food. Should last a few days so we don’t have to go back out.” He started unloading it into the mini fridge. “Toiletries, bandages, and a change of clothes. Also, painkillers.”

The little exhale of relief that that last item elicited was enough to break John’s heart. Vincent must really be suffering. “Tu n'imagines pas à quel point tu m'as rendu heureux. Donnez-les-moi immédiatement. [You have no idea how happy you’ve made me. Give them to me, immediately.]”

Despite the twinge of guilt that he had inflicted some of that pain himself, John had to refuse him. “Not on an empty stomach. Let’s eat first.”

It was an awkward time for a meal, too late for lunch and too early for dinner, but time had no meaning in this liminal room anyway – except the inexorable progress towards the moment when someone would find them. There was no schedule, no to-do list, only survival. “It’s odd to be on the run again,” he commented as he pushed start on the microwave.

“Not on the run,” the Marquis corrected. “Sending those bastards running from us.”

John didn’t have the heart to answer. Vincent wasn’t quite facing the gravity of his own situation, much less what it meant to John. It felt just like his own days of being hunted. The paranoia. The sleeplessness, too. After watching over the Marquis all night, his hands tingled with low blood pressure and his vision tracked along with an odd lag. It meant little to him – he could go days longer before passing out. The physical effects of exhaustion were merely something to factor in when judging how fast his reflexes could respond in a fight. But his own discomfort didn’t matter. He didn’t matter.

Don’t think that. Helen wouldn’t want – He cut off his own thought with a deep breath. God, what would she think of the Marquis? Of John allowing someone to treat him this way?

But at the same time, wouldn’t she be proud to see him saving someone, caring for someone, offering forgiveness to a real scoundrel as she had once done for him? The fact that he couldn’t ask her twisted him, almost physically, somewhere in the belly.

It occurred to him that he would probably enjoy painkillers for his own headache, with dinner. By that, he meant whiskey. He’d bought that too, and poured it into one of the paper cups supplied by the motel. Upon seeing it, Vincent exclaimed, “C'est encore mieux! [This is even better!] A cup, please.” He hadn’t moved from the bed at all and seemed to thoroughly enjoy being served. Quite the change of tone from last night, when he’d threatened to stab John for getting him a glass of water.

“Choose one: meds or alcohol. You can’t mix them.” He handed Vincent the microwaved meal instead and took a seat at the nightstand, using it for a table.

“Tu ne m'as jamais laissé m'amuser. [You never let me have any fun.]” They were halfway through their meal before the dreaded question came up. “So what did Winston say?”

“What?”

“When you asked how I can survive. What did he say?”

John hesitated, but he wasn’t interested in testing the Marquis’ trust any more today. He had pushed him far enough already. He pulled up the message on his phone and showed Vincent the screen.

Winston: “No, it’s not possible. The entire Table wants him gone. He has made enemies at every turn. If this excuse hadn’t worked, they would have found another.”

John hadn’t replied.

“Bah. He has no idea what he’s talking about.” Vincent’s smile was suddenly made of teeth and extremely fake. He gave an unconvincing laugh. “Quelle absurdité. [What nonsense.]”

Cautiously, “…Did you have enemies? That you knew of?”

“Everyone is an enemy,” Vincent said impatiently. “That’s the nature of every court since the days of the Romans. One builds alliances, not friendships. Of course they want me gone, they want anyone gone who has enough ambition to rival their own. But I have leverage somewhere, I know it, I just have to play them against each other, I have to…” He cut off, shaking his head, once again caught up in wracking his brain to find a solution.

Even more cautiously, “…Are you thinking in terms of regaining your seat, or escaping the Table?”

“‘Escape’ from my life’s work, yes, very appealing. Why didn’t I think of that? I told you, Mr. Wick: your task is to restore my title. Not to shunt me off into mediocrity. I will not hear of this again.” He threw away what little remained on his plate and stormed away to the bathroom. John heard something thrown against the wall, then a long silence.

It seemed unwise to leave him alone in that state. Downing the last of the whiskey, he went to the door and knocked. “Marquis.”

No answer. He took a risk. “Vincent.”

“Laisse-moi. [Leave me alone.]” Even through the door, his voice sounded shaky and clouded over. By the angle it came from, John could tell he was sitting on the floor.

He sighed. There had to be an excuse for every act of kindness. Well, then, he would make one. He went to the shopping bags and fished out a bottle of pills. Returning to the door, he tried, “Tu ne veux pas les analgésiques maintenant? [Don’t you want painkillers now?]”

“Tu es vraiment un – [You’re such a  – ]” There was a hint of desperation in Vincent’s voice. John realized that he must be unable to compose himself enough to be seen. All the progress of the morning had been undone in a few minutes. Vincent had been undone in a few minutes.

“Je ne te regarderai même pas. [I won’t even look at you.]”

Another moment of silence, and then the door opened enough for Vincent to put out a hand, expecting a pill bottle. Instead, John gave him individual pills, not trusting him with the whole thing. “Putain, c'est ça ? Donne-moi la bouteille. [The fuck is this? Give me the bottle],” he said. John kept his eyes averted as promised, but Vincent’s tone was hollow and resentful enough to convey the glare that was no doubt directed at his head just then.

“Deux pour l'instant. Ils ne disparaîtront pas si vous en avez besoin plus tard. [Two for now. They’re not going to disappear if you need more later.]”

The door slammed again. Running water, and then a small thump against the ground as Vincent sank back to the floor.

John sunk down on the other side, coming to his level.

Through the wood paneling, he could hear ragged breaths that each died out in an almost inaudible, high-pitched whine of terror. Another panic attack. Vincent was completely raw, agonizingly so. Even for a man with a temper and a bounty on his head, it struck John as odd. You didn’t get to the top if you had meltdowns like this in every stressful situation, and no way to manage them. There had to be something weighing on the Marquis that he wasn’t talking about…either that or he was far more unstable and vulnerable than John had even realized.

He seemed really desperate for the pain to stop. Had the stitches torn out earlier, when he pushed him to the ground? “Je vais attendre en silence, mais quand vous serez prêt, laissez-moi entrer. Je dois refaire vos bandages. [I'm going to wait silently, but when you're ready, please let me in. I need to redo your bandages.]” What a cold thing to say, given the circumstances…John’s protectiveness overcame him again, and he added, “Respirez lentement. Ça va aller bien. [Breathe slowly. It’s going to be okay.]”

Vincent was not in a position to respond, it seemed, so John fell silent as promised. With time, the sounds on the other side of the door slowed somewhat.

But no good deed could go unpunished with Vincent. After a long moment, “Vous aimez ça, n'est-ce pas. Penses-tu que tu es si important que je vais m'effondrer si tu me laisses tranquille pendant cinq minutes ? Tu es l'enfoiré le plus arrogant que j'ai jamais rencontré. [You love this, don't you. Do you think you're so important that I'll fall apart if you leave me be for five minutes? You are the most arrogant motherfucker I've ever met.]”

“Pensez de moi ce que vous voulez. Je suis là pour toi. [Think what you will of me. I am here for you.]”

The door opened, and Vincent leaned back against the wall, giving him room to step inside. “I don’t understand you, Wick. Why are you doing this?”

“You can call me John, you know. And your guess is as good as mine.” He closed the toilet lid. “Sit down.”

Now that he could look at Vincent, the sight made him reel with something devastatingly protective, on the borderline between vengefulness and cuteness aggression. Puffy, damp eyes, reddened around those icy irises, stared numbly up at him from a hunched frame, only inches from his waist in the confined space of the bathroom. Cold sweat plastered Vincent’s hair against his forehead and he still shook ever so slightly. John suppressed the urge to pull him into the tightest possible hug and instead went down on his knees to inspect the bandage, moving slowly to avoid giving pain.

Vincent didn’t fight him for once. His skin was cool to the touch but sweat drenched. Given his condition, John was expecting to see that the wound had become infected, but it was as clean as yesterday. He covered it with waterproof bandages. “You should take a shower. Something warm. I don’t know why you’re so cold…tell me next time, okay? I’ll get you a blanket or something. Don’t want you going into shock again.”

“D'accord. [Okay.]” Vincent swayed weakly for a moment. “I’m not in shock. I’m just…it’s been a hell of a day. I can handle myself.”

“…There’s something you’re not telling me.”

Too far. A glare. “You’re offensively bad at reading people, Wick.” Not John. “I am fine. Or is being shot in the chest not reason enough to have a bad day? I suppose you hardly notice it anymore – a properly conditioned punching bag, aren’t you? Get out before you embarrass yourself any further.”

John sighed. “I’ll leave your new clothes on the sink. Call me when you’re done and we’ll switch waterproof bandages for gauze.”

He sat down in the armchair, facing the door again while Vincent showered. The exhaustion was more bearable when he was up and doing things. Now, he was in danger of nodding off. He was in a sleepy haze when he came back to the bathroom to remove the waterproof bandage and apply gauze and medical tape while Vincent leaned back against the sink, hands braced against the countertop. The room was in a haze too, filled with clinging, misty warmth and the smell of Vincent. Free of the sweat and perfume, his scent was…surprisingly, even sweeter somehow, but in the manner of wild things. A baby animal, a rivulet of tree sap turning slowly to amber…  John’s breath caught in his throat and stayed there until his hands were no longer making contact with Vincent’s now glowingly warm, kitten-soft skin. He turned away while Vincent pulled on the shirt.

“Clothes fit okay?”

He wrinkled his nose. “Obviously not, but one must make do. It doesn’t matter to me.” He cast a genuinely miserable glance at the mirror, giving himself away. John had tried to select something that at least wouldn’t disgust him – a grey turtleneck and dress pants, some fresh underwear and socks both in grey as well. But they were Walmart clothes, and that was comically far from being Vincent’s cup of tea.

John wondered if the blood would come out of that button down, and the vest…probably not.

They passed the next few hours slowly unwinding. Another drink, after that mess. John fought to pry Vincent’s freshly warmed chest out of his mind. Vincent, for his part, began to genuinely brood. He complained that the painkillers weren’t working, that he needed more. John gave him one more, and refused him alcohol a second time. But he remained restless, standing up occasionally to pace even though each step was clearly painful, and raiding the mini fridge for pudding.

Shortly after sunset, with a faint pink still penetrating the curtains at the edges, he looked over at John. “I’ve figured out why you’re doing this.”

“Why?”

“You’re attracted to me.”

John almost spit out his whiskey. “What?”

He was leaned back against the bed, grinning smugly, “I know when someone is flustered by my presence. That’s critical information in my line of work. I was just lashing out when I accused you last night, but I was right after all. You carried me out of the car just because you wanted to. You lingered every single time you touched me. You. Are. Attracted.” He pointed the spoon at John with each word. “And that’s why.”

John’s face was beet red. “I get a marker on you if you survive. It’s simple.”

“That’s not what you said in the bathroom.”

“Okay, it’s not about the marker. I don’t know why. But it’s not because I’m attracted to you.”

“Yet you are.”

“…Yeah. I – look, you know what you look like. You don’t need me to tell you you’re attractive. So what’s the point of this?”

He shrugged. “Maybe we could have a little fun. Stress relief.” He was licking the god damn spoon and John found it to be positively urgent that he look elsewhere.

“I don’t do ‘a little fun.’ Call me boring, it’s not for me. Where is this even coming from?”

Vincent’s smile was all teeth and concealment again, as if all his honesty went into his words and he had to compensate by at least hiding his emotions. “I just need something good to happen today. Your painkillers don’t do shit.”

John hesitated. The Marquis had no idea how he was tempting him right now. But he shouldn’t do this. He was buzzed. He was confused about his feelings. It was a bad idea. “I killed two people for you. You got away from the Tarasovs. That wasn’t good enough?”

“Good enough? You should know by now that I expect excellence.” He advanced towards John, managing to swagger even through the pain. John leaned away from him, completely tensed up.

“Back off.”

The Marquis stopped and his smiled faltered, replaced by a blush of his own at being so plainly rejected.

God it was painful to see him like that, knowing that he could just make that feeling go away by saying yes. But he’d regret it. He knew he’d regret it.

“I’m tired. I haven’t slept in a full day. Let’s just…let’s go to sleep.”

“Done watching over me then, as soon as I call you out?”

“It’s not a callout! I’m…not ashamed that I want to. Okay? It’s just not a good idea.” John stood up as if to walk somewhere, realized he had nowhere to walk to, and sat down again. “We have to take shifts. Hold onto a gun, and wake me up if anything happens, or if you get tired. I only need an hour or two.”

Vincent stared at him for a good ten seconds. Then he sunk back onto the bed. “You’re the most depressing person I’ve ever met, Wick. Can’t enjoy pleasure even when it falls in your lap. Would have felt like fucking a funeral urn anyway.”

“Mm-hmm.” John switched off the light.

But the silence was more tense than ever, and even though he’d felt ready to pass out a few minutes ago, it took John far too long to get to sleep.

◃ Back ⚜ Next ▹

[lolipopjewel]

a draculaura kinnie (me) explaining draculaura’s hemophobia (fear of blood/fainting) as somebody who also has the same phobia

So its kind of a joke in monster high that draculaura will faint if she sees blood or even meat due to her being a vegetarian, however there are some other canonical events that i believe play into her reaction to blood and i’ll also give you my two cents on what fainting from being exposed to blood is like for me!!

if you were unaware, draculaura is actually adopted! she was adopted by dracula after her human parents died due to the plague, and she also was born a human as well - dracula turned her into a vampire to save her from dying to the plague as well and adopted her and raised her as his own from then on. its not clear if draculaura had severe hemophobia as a young child or when she became vegetarian, but a popular theory is that due to her not being a natural born vampire, she is more sensitive to blood and the concept of feeding off of it. 

now, i am a person with severe sensitivity to all things blood, gore, and medical related and i have a fainting disorder. if im exposed to any of my triggers, high levels of pain, or extreme emotional distress my body will automatically produce a vasovagal response, and i will faint. i can’t remember anything that caused me to form this phobia and most of my fear is related to not wanting to pass out, being unconscious is terrifying! so i don’t believe draculaura would need any sort of traumatic explanation for her hemophobia or fainting, i think it could be something she was born with and/or developed when she was very young like i was. 

the way draculaura is shown to faint in the series is obviously very dramatic for the cartoonish effect and also for humor (which part of me hates as i was teased about fainting at the sight of blood all my life), but she seems to recover very quickly. just as quick as she is out, she can be fully awake and talking again as seen in episodes like “Fear Pressure” when she tells frankie to get her out of the situation only a few seconds to a minute after fainting. she even is able to walk out with minimal help from frankie, so she may not even have fully gone unconscious in some of these situations which is also known as “greying out.” 

look i know its just a cartoon, but for the sake of spreading awareness about vasovagal syncope and using my comfort media to cope, here’s my take on how draculaura would actually experience a fainting episode in a more realistic setting; 

- First, a trigger is presented (blood from an injury, a meal with meat and blood in it, etc) and she is exposed to it - Internally, her blood pressure would spike due to the extreme fear and rapidly drop causing her circulation to be all out of wack which causes the vasovagal response (fainting).  - This can feel like extreme anxiety, tingling and numbness in her limbs, lightheadedness, weakness in her muscles, and her vision would darken until unconscious.  - Then, in order to help with a swift recovery, she should be laying flat with her legs propped up to allow for proper bloodflow to the brain, this will help her regain consciousness after no more than 2 minutes on average  - She may feel confused, have lingering numbness or tingling throughout her body, lightheadedness and other pre syncope symptoms, these could last until she has fully regulated her system again - It is unlikely she would be able to stand and walk on her own immediately after waking up, it would most likely take several minutes until she could do so without help, it could cause a SECOND vasovagal response if she attempted to stand up too quickly (iron deficiency gang where you at??) - Eating or drinking substances with high sugar can help with recovery as the sugar boost to the brain helps to basically kickstart it and get things moving again - After fully recovering from being unconscious, she may have no further problems throughout the day, or she may feel drained and tired after using so much energy in her body. it truly depends on how bad the episode was, how long the effects lasted after waking up, and the general stress of the situation involving her trigger

This is all explained by how i experience fainting and what i know about how vasovagal syncope effects the body, im by no means a medical professional. this is just for fun y’all. hopefully if you decide to include draculaura’s fainting and hemophobia in a writing, comic, creative project, etc. that this helped you understand a bit more! thanks for reading if you made it this far, it really makes me happy that anyone would be interested in learning about this condition and how difficult it can make life. 

[weilongfu]

Ai Pat! I don’t care how fit our workouts have made us! You’re not wearing *that* kind of speedo to the beach!!!

(Pat tries to convince Pran to let him wear a thong speedo on their vacation because the squats and deadlifts gave him a fat ass.~)

Pran knew that healthy habits and healthy means of stress relief were important to a long and healthy life, especially since the largest bulk of his stress was Pat himself. But there was only so much cutting down on condensed milk and drawing on his days off could do. There was also the need to mitigate Pat's preference for heavy drinking on the weekends.

The compromise was going to the gym together.

By and large, it worked. Pat exhausted himself on weights most of the time and Pran put on podcasts and ran for miles on end. They were fitter, slept better, found themselves with more energy, and Pran found his blood pressure was much lower when Pat was whining about muscle soreness instead of getting up to something troublesome.

There were other bonuses. Pat built up more muscle as he liked and Pran built up his stamina and speed as he liked. Gym days were also a day spent together, and even though Pat constantly egged Pran on one way or another, Pran got his revenge by increasing the weight (safely!) when Pat wasn't looking.

The real downside was that Pat was insufferable on the best of days and at his worst, Pran risked a stroke due to high blood pressure. These days, the amount of peacocking Pat was prone to brought Pran just to the edge, and not in any of the pleasurable ways. (Usually.) Pat spent as much time as possible shirtless or in short track shorts and boxers, displaying the way he'd filled out. But no amount of muscle on his frame could change Pat's insulted expression when Pran breezed by under his extended arm or by jabbing him just under his lats and into his ribs, causing Pat to jolt from pain and ticklishness.

So when Pran asked if Pat had finished packing for their upcoming vacation, he knew Pat would take advantage of the opportunity.

Pran failed to realize the extent to which Pat would attempt to take advantage of the opportunity.

"What do you think of my new swimwear?" Pat said as he strut into the living room in the barest piece of cloth that just kept his genitals in check with a thin waistband and an even thinner string that disappeared between his glutes. "Do you think people will stare too much?" Pran felt his eye twitch. "I mean, you're staring plenty already?"

"Ai Pat! I don’t care how fit our workouts have made us! You’re not wearing that kind of speedo to the beach!!"

"Are you sure?" Pat turned around and gave his own ass a cheeky slap. Pat had hardly been lacking in shape or curves prior, but Pran noticed a distinct difference in the way the slap sounded now that Pat had added several pounds of muscle to his ass. Pat's ass certainly didn't bounce the same way any more either. "It'd be a shame to let all this hard work go to waste, don't you think?" Pat stalked over to lean over Pran, evidence of his arousal was difficult to hide in the thong. "I'm also open to persuading you in other ways..."

Pran glared at Pat before tumbling them over and pressing Pat's chest into the couch with a hand on his back. Pat, stayed still, clearly enjoying the effect he had and getting exactly what he wanted. Pran gave Pat's ass several spanks of his own, noting the firm texture of built up muscle before pulling on the strings of the thong to move them aside and rub Pat's hole which was already slick with lube.

"You brat, why can't you ask for sex like a normal person?" Pran asked before sticking two fingers immediately inside. Pat groaned and thrust back on Pran's fingers. "And since when are you into underwear and swimwear kink?"

"Nnn... Just thought it made my ass look good," Pat said as Pran curled his fingers. "Doesn't it?"

"Well..." Pran paused as he pulled out his erection without pulling down his pants and thrust in. "Since you like it so much..." Pran reached around and squeezed Pat's erection painfully tight which meant it was almost enough for his obnoxious boyfriend. "You shouldn't cum or you'll stain it before vacation, and then where will we be?"

"Fuck! Ai Pran you-"

"Now be a good boy," Pran said as he pulled out and pulled Pat back onto his dick by the thong strings. "And make me cum instead."

"Ack! Pran, wait- Fuck!" Pat hissed as Pran slapped his balls after feeling the wetness leaking through Pat's swim thong. "You can't decide I'm not allowed to-"

"You're being naughty," Pran said with another thrust that his Pat right as he liked it, too hard and rough on his prostate. "So you're being punished."

Pat keened and buried his face further in the couch cushion. "Shit! You didn't let me cum last time either!"

"Then stop being a brat and maybe I'll let you next time!"

Pat pushed back on the next several thrusts before saying, "I'm topping next time, you can't stop me!"

Pran slowed his thrusts causing Pat to cry out before sticking a hand into the thong pouch to squeeze the base of Pat's dick. "I totally can if I want to."

Pat pushed Pran off his back before turning around and sitting right on Pran's dick in one smooth motion before setting the pace of his own squatting and bouncing. "Not if I fuck you silly first."

"Is this the best you can do after all those squats to build up your ass?" Pran said despite the color rising on his cheeks.

"I can do better," Pat said with a smirk and squeezed his internal muscles.

"Urgh! You and your fucking kegles!" Pran groaned and thrust up into Pat's body. "As if I'll let you- Shit!" Pat leaned down to kiss Pran through his orgasm, continuing to ride and milk his boyfriend.

"I love what that does to you," Pat said as he eased himself off of Pran and layed himself out on top of Pran's chest even though Pran complained about how heavy he was. "It's almost like an instant win button 80% of the time."

"It only works because I'm close already!"

"But that doesn't mean it doesn't work...." Pat kissed Pran's jaw. "So, what do you say? Keep the thong?"

"Does it even fit properly anymore? Did we stretch out the elastic on the strings?"

"You didn't treat it as bad as the jockstrap from the other time so it'll be fine."

[lascapigliata]

.

however new shrink wants to put me on abilify if i decide to go for it. and that’s fine in theory but i’m so nervous about the weight gain bc i know it happens and i’ll have to like actually start working out to compensate and i know like in theory weight shouldn’t matter etc except i still don’t want to yk. for better or mostly worse i’m finally like not unhappy with my body 100% of the time and obviously it’s bad that it’s connected to just not eating enough but meanwhile it’s nice to not be upset when i look in a mirror on occasion. i don’t want my fucking weight obsessed family to start making comments either. and she said abilify has the least effect of all the antipsychotics but then someone on reddit said they took it and gained like a hundred pounds and then had to go on ozempic to get back down and like ok so i can go on it then get off it if i’m unhappy sure but like. i don’t want to go on ozempic! i know i need to improve my diet anyway but i don’t want to eat salads nonstop and do what my m*m does and like restrict what i eat until i’m absolutely fucking miserable! it won’t work anyway! i don’t want to have to become a gym rat! that won’t happen either! losing 100lb is not easy!!!!

like she also thinks my lithium dose is way too low, i didn’t realize it was like the intro dose, and bc she is the first doctor ever to actually take me seriously when i say i have compliance issues she’s worried that since it requires blood monitoring that it might not be a good idea. but it is easier to stick to actually taking my meds than to lose a ton of weight. idk if they do the same thing though. like if going up on lithium and hoping nausea goes away will curb hypo there are apparently other meds good for depression which don’t have the same risk??

i feel so like shitty about this politically bc i really know i shouldn’t care about weight! but i have high blood pressure and diabetes in my family and i don’t want to deal with either of those in my mid thirties if i don’t have to!!! i also don’t want to have to buy all new clothes or toss mine. or whatever. i was feeling so good coming out of the appt and now i’m feeling extremely bad

[vsnotresponding]

CHAPTER 6 - THE ALZIWAQ - KARMA

masterpost

The island felt Ira’s reunion with the Iria.

At first it was nothing, only a few dozen of imitation that vanished on the room, and the high pressure on the air that made us bleed. But that was only the beginning of a chain reaction.

Imitations started to fail, not only on the palace, but the city, even further. Like a wave, the blackout travelled through the island, darkening the streets and stopping the purifying stations besides the river. The worst effects being felt on the mines, stopping the exploitation besides the Core, leaving the tunnels unusable for weeks, even months. And this is just for the moment. I don’t think it’s over.

It's not something that Orga liked in the next day’s meeting, nor the shahin. Not only because of the bad image it’ll give to the daughter of Derya's governor when she arrives in a few weeks, but because the khithi also felt it.

Like Ira described, it echoed on them too—they might have felt the same pain she did, or merely the signal. Either way, they felt it, and turned all that pain into rage.

The protest that had been disturbing the capital for months got worse, the backup the shahin had sent to the streets not so long ago insufficient to contain them. Even now, days after and under a new storm, the fight on the streets is still going, unstoppable.

Sick, they have nothing to lose, not really.

Even if I don’t have much information about what’s happened, the palace's been sealed up until Sher’s fiancée arrives, the security, usually lax, duplicated and reinforced. Not only are there guards following me around everywhere now, I’ve even seen imitators patrolling, even Garvan, and it’s not even his specialty.

The lack of information does not make it easier to ignore the screams that get to my study under the rain, though, the faraway vision of the streets flooded with people.

It doesn’t make it easy to forget the words of the creator, either.

The palace has been thrown into chaos, but we keep working,

Days after the disaster and a week before Derya’s arrival, we focus on how to use Ira to heal the island. Surprisingly, the khadae didn’t take away my position as leader of the project after the accident, and I've been allowed more freedom than usual.

Garvan keeps watching Ira, bringing her food and asking her questions about her state. Soon we’ll start the tests, but I’d rather be sure she’s totally recovered and that the alziwaq works properly on her now that she’s healthier.

Due to the difference in her blood from being a creator, Áine and I had to modify the drug as she got better to avoid secondary effects, and so far it’s been giving good results.

Or that’s what they’ve been telling me. I’m not allowed to go see it with my own two eyes, even after I insisted. I know it’s for my safety, like the guards, but I’m not happy about it.

So I focus on finding solutions. In the mess of my desk rest the books I brought from the Umars about creators, and notes I’ve been collecting these past years.

I like the work. Thinking of alternatives. After the last days of tension and activities outside my control, it relaxes me. I throw myself into the papers and data. As soon as I got back from the Iria, I wrote down everything that had happened with as much detail as possible, more for me than the report I gave at the meeting. Being unable to forget what she said haunting me even in my dreams was at least useful for something.

I look for that paper in between the stacks and I reread it, again. I don’t think analyzing the effects she has on the world when she connects will be useful to heal the Iria, but it’s a way to, at least, when we start the tests, to see where's the limit we can work with.

A knock at the door distracts me, and I move my head towards it, the paper forgotten. I don’t bother answering, Garvan halfway to my desk and Emhi closing the door behind her. I see the guards guarding it before it closes.

I sneak a glance at the clock that hangs from the wall, the light of the imitations telling me the hour.

We had agreed to meet to discuss how to continue working with the creator half an hour ago. I start to stand up, but Emhi gestures me to stay seated.

“I got distracted.”

“We can see.” Garvan moves one of the chairs near the wall towards the table and sits on it, backrest towards me with his arms crossed on it and legs at either side of the chair. Emhi just leans on the desk, her expression weary.

Unlike us, she is part of the imitators' soldier order, and even her high rank hasn’t spared her from covering shifts with no end. Garvan told me she even went to the city, but she didn’t say anything about it. If she confessed what she’s seen to Áine, we are both ignorant to it.

“And?” They both move their eyebrows in an inherited gesture. “Have you decided anything or…”

“There wasn’t any meeting,” says Emhi at the same time that, like her brother, she moves a chair to seat down. She crosses her legs and her arms on top of them. “Neither you nor Áine showed up, so we adjourned it.” I want to be surprised about Áine, but she hasn’t stopped working since the incident with Ira, equally or even greater than me. In between the creator and her duty with the volunteers of the process, I’m surprised she has found time for our meetings. “You are lucky the khadae decided to send Anuna to the city, or you wouldn’t hear the end of his complaints about your irresponsibility.”

“Another one?” I look at Emhi. She sighs.

“Not only Anuna. We are the only ones left, and the two rookies.”

“And only because they can’t send them to the streets.” Garvan rights himself, in indignation, even if he’s one of the few that have been spared.

I lean forwards on the papers, arms crossed. When we started working with Ira, the khadae gave me a group of ten people, some soldiers and imitators as help. Áine, Garvan and Emhi are among them, but as the days have passed and the situation on the outskirts has deteriorated, most of them have been sent to the streets. It worries me, not because I think we can’t manage the creator on our own, but because of what it implies. More so, there’s nothing wrong with having extra people to run tests or fetch stuff.

“Garvan, don’t be like that.”

“What? It’s true,” he says, looking at his sister. “The poor girls are greener than Karma when he got here.”

“Garvan!”

He ignores her, but looks at me as if apologizing, when I look down and let out an embarrassed groan. That doesn’t stop him, though.

“Luckily, they pardoned your sword lessons, because—”

Emhi’s smack on the back of his head shuts him up.

“Okay, okay.” He frowns as he rubs the injured area and looks at his sister. “There’s no need to resort to violence.”

“Don’t be whiny, come one,” she ignores him. I can’t help but smile. “Besides, we have more pressing things to do than talk about how useless Karma is for anything that’s not data analysis.”

My smile drops immediately, turned into seriousness. It’s true, as refreshing as it is to see them argue, we have to do something with the lack of help when we work with Ira, and we also have to talk about what we are going to do with her. Though for that we need Áine.

“If you say important in regard to the fatir, she’s as impertinent as always.” He snorts, but I see him smiling a little. He hasn’t stop complaining about being her nanny, but he’s started to warm up to her. It’s strange, because they’ve seen her at her most human, but I’ve only seen her when she was a creator and nothing else. I struggle to reconcile the idea of Ira as a person, the one Garvan complains about, and Ira as a creator, that causes blackouts and makes the walls cry tears of blood.

“At the very least the alziwaq makes her drowsy,” he continues, “I don’t want to imagine the pain in the ass she would be if she had more time to get bored.”

“She’s perfectly civil with me.”

“You always watch her when she’s sleeping, Emhi.”

“That’s exactly why I say it.”

“Either way,” I interrupt, “what matters is if she’s gotten better. We have been increasing her doses, has she noticed?”

“Not a clue.” A few seconds go by as he looks outside, his previously relaxed face now tense. It’s getting darker. “There’s something we were hoping to talk about in today’s meeting, Karma. We think it’d be better to lower them.”

“But you said it’s helped.”

“She might not notice other effects while awake, but…” his eyes look at the table and not our faces, “she sometimes sleep-talks.”

He doesn’t add anything else, his gaze on my lion plushy. Emhi and I look at each other, worried, the air suddenly tense. I remember her warning, so many days ago, before seeing Ira for the first time. I had totally forgotten about that.

“And you snore, why is that relevant?” Emhi tries to joke to lessen the tension, not very convinced. Garvan shakes his head.

“I’m being serious, it’s… unsettling.”

Silence falls again. I look at Garvan, his eyes hazed, the light auburn darkened by the change in lighting on the room. It reminds me of Áine before my mother died, of the look she had after talking to her. It’s back now, not only in here when we see each other, but in Garvan too.

“Like after the Iria?" I try, because it’s the only time I’ve felt like that with the creator, even if I know they’d seen it before. He shakes his head with emphasis.

Sometimes it’s like we were disconnected, in different realities. Them on a shore, me on the other side. They process certain events differently—like the protests, that leave Emhi exhausted, but not tired, Áine with the khithi volunteers and with my mother, and now him too.

Fortunately, the door opens to break the silence that settled after my question.

“You are here, thank the gods.”

It’s Áine, a guard closing the door behind her. I gesture to her with my head as a greeting while she comes closer to us, leaning on one side of Emhi’s chair, her arm holding her waist, the other circling Emhi’s shoulders as an answer.

I look away, uncomfortable at the gesture, the moment too private for me. Garvan seems to have come back to himself, he even rolls his eyes at Emhi when she looks at him, her eyes slits, as he catches him looking at them with an amused face.

“What.”

“Nothing.” He accompanies his words by raising his arms and turning back to me. Unconsciously, my lips move upwards, as do his. In spite of the years Áine and Emhi have been together we keep being happy for them, it was pretty ridiculous to see them dancing around each other without saying anything for years.

“Have you talked to Ira?” asks Emhi. I turn back to them as Áine nods.

“Yeah, that’s precisely what we wanted to talk to you about.” She says, looking at me, her amber eyes clear under the imitations’ light. I right myself. “She was sleep-talking when I went to change her bandages… she was chanting.”

Emhi and I turn to Garvan, who is frozen looking at her. Áine follows our eyes, her expression alike.

“You’ve felt it too.”

“I’ve seen it.”

“Áine? What?”

“When she woke up,” she turns to answer me, “before focusing her eyes. She… Ira…”

I know we all remember how she looked at us after the Iria, her strange and fluid gaze, piercing through us. What happened before that, the pressure and the high-pitched sound. The blood.

“Has she attempted anything?” Emhi tries to look at her face, worried.

“No, no,” she shakes her head. “She didn’t try anything, in fact…” It looks like she’s going to keep talking, but frowns her lips. “It’s only… it’s as if there was something else inside her eyes. Another entity.”

Garvan nods in agreement, but I’m confused. Emhi repeats the question I made to Garvan before.

“Like the other day?”

“No.” Now it’s Garvan that talks. He has stood up to walk towards the window. His back to us, looking at the night and the rain that keeps falling, he continues. “In a way, it's different. Less absent, more alive.” He turns to us, arms crossed. “But it’s not Ira.”

“And she’s not aware of it, which worries me the most.”  Áine stands up to come closer to the desk. “She might guess that sometimes… she alarms us with what she says or does or how she looks at us, but she’s not even aware she sleep-talks. I think it’s something new, from the alziwaq.”

“Are you sure? Couldn’t it be because of the Iria?”

Even if I know it’s not due to that, I try. The drug is a too vital element of my plan to solve the problem—I don’t want to think about loosing it.

“It happened before, even if now it’s… worse. We have to lower the dose, stop even.”

No. Not that.

“We can’t do that,” I raise my voice.

“Karma, she doesn’t have her abilities under control, and without a creation to somehow focus her connections it can only get worse.”

“We could give her back.” I realize the mistake in my words as soon as I say them. The shahin has her creation, embed on the desk on his study. It’s a stupid suggestion, but I have nothing else to debate her with. I realize we’ve started to shout at each other.

“Do you really think your father is going to just give it back to you? After what happened in the throne room?”

“No but…” I look at Emhi and Garvan for support, but they both avoid my eyes, focused on the floor. Áine has crossed her arms.

“Why do you insist so much in using it? Her wounds are healed, the infection on her arm is gone. She’s healthy, she’s present.”

“It’s not enough!” I hit the table, and some papers fall to the floor. Her lips frown again.

“Oghan,” she reprimands me, her voice hard when she says my name, eyes fixed on mine, cold gold. I clench my fists and stand up, trying to relax.

“It’s our only chance. We’ll need to take some risks.”

I don’t want to explain my plan, not yet, at least. I know they won’t like it, and I’m not too happy either with the conclusions I’ve reached, but I do believe it’s our only solution.

“We are talking about another human being, Karma. You can't toy with her life like that.”

I remember the state the connection left her at. Weak and sickly. I shake my head, the image quickly replaced by her face when she connected, by the rage in her eyes when she attacked us in the throne room, the determination.

“The lives of every khithi depend on us to find a solution.”

“The lives of every khithi are in danger precisely because of us!”

I know she doesn’t mean her, or Garvan or Emhi. Not me, specifically, at least. She means my father’s family, Garvan and Emhi’s, all énna—the imitators, that for generations have taken advantage of the island and her people.

I see the breach between us once again in her expression that talks of horrors I’m unable to imagine. To me, they are numbers and data, statistics of population and mortality. To her, it’s her people. My anger disappears.

“Áine.”

“I’m lowering her dose, whatever you say. And there’s nothing you can do to stop me.”

I want to add that I’m in charge, that I was appointed leader. But she’s right, I couldn’t stop her, even if I wanted to. I sit back, the chair scratching the floor, and pass my fingers through my bangs, moving them away from my eyes, even if they fall back immediately. I sigh, resigned.

I’m tired of arguing. I’m tired of not moving forward. I give up.

“Then, what’s your plan? Because the test we’ll do on her will weaken her, and we need her to heal fast enough.”

Áine uncrosses her arms and steps back, sighing. I see then how tired she is, the circles under her eyes, the slow blinking of her eyes. She opens her mouth as if to talk, but closes it and looks at Garvan.

“You are the one that has spent the most time with her.” Garvan raises his head. “What do you think?”

“I know we wanted to wait a few more days, at least until the situation on the city lessened, and for the mirza’s fiancée to arrive, but…” he looks at me. “I think we should start now, with the tests, slower to avoid hurting her. I don’t know what you are planning to do after this, but I hope you know what you are doing, Karma. We won’t be working with hypotheticals from now on.”

I nod, because he’s right. It’s something that also worries me. And, honestly, we are running out of time. Factories fail faster after being repaired, imitations break or don't heat or shine like they used to. I’ll find another way to carry on with my original plan, another route without the alziwaq’s help. Who knows, maybe she’ll be able to do so without the help of an external drug. I’ll talk to Súil about it and the lack of help for the project.

I try to stay positive, in spite of the circumstances, because for the first time in months, and even though there are obstacles I can’t even comprehend and that stop us from moving forward, we have a marked path. A solution, a way to fulfill the promise I made my mom.

“Emhi?” Áine has turned her back to me to face her girlfriend, who has been observing us in silence for a while. She smiles slightly and rests a hand on her sword.

“You are the nerds that know about all of this,” she gestures to the pile of papers on my desk, “I’ll do whatever you decide.”

“I’ll talk to the khadae tomorrow morning to update him on the beginning of the tests,” I say. “I’ll also ask him to send more reinforcements.” Áine looks at us confused.

“More?”

“It’s only us left, and the rookies.”

She shrugs. There’s no remedy to the out of control situation in the city. With the siblings, she walks to the door, the meeting apparently over.

“It’s ridiculous how many soldiers they need. They are containing ill people, not a battalion.”

“True, but I’m glad we got rid of the asshole that’s Anuna.”

“Garvan!” her sister reprimands him.

“What? You hate him too.”

“Whatever you say.”

Their voices disappear as they walk away, but Áine stays, hesitating besides the half closed door.

“Karma? Do you want me to go with you tomorrow when you talk to the khadae?”

“Huh? Oh, no. That won’t be necessary.” Her worry warms me and I stand up to go to her. She really is exhausted, her shoulders slumped, struggling to keep her eyes open. She knows the anxiety that talking to the khadae gives me, and in spite of her obvious affected state, she’s worrying about me, even if we were shouting at each other a minute ago.

We stay standing, in silence, for a few seconds. I remember her discomfort after the audience at the throne room, how I silenced my worry. Slowly and hesitantly, I rest my hand on her shoulder to call her attention. I don’t want to repeat the same mistake.

“Are you okay?” And before she can answer, I continue: “I know these past few days, well, months, we…” I clear my throat, “we haven’t been on the best terms and—”

“If you apologize for the accident, I swear I’ll hit you,” she stops me and rubs her hair. “It was not only your fault, Karma. We were all responsible, you know it, and we have repeated it to you—”

“Still. I’m still sorry,” I lower my head, but make an effort to raise it up back again. “And not only for that. I know I wasn’t the most approachable after that, less after she…" I swallow hard, tears starting to appear in my throat at the thought, “she died and, I don’t know. That we are like this is my fault, and now it’s getting worse and…”

My voice breaks when she interrupts me by hugging me, her head resting on my shoulder due to her height, my temple on her hair. We stay quiet.

I can feel some tears going down my cheeks to her curls. I hug her too, tightening my grip. I’ve missed her so much.

I realized I not only lost my mom that day, but her too, not in the same way. I laugh, saddened, at the same time that I sniffle.

“I’ve been an idiot.”

“Don’t worry,” she says as she breaks the hug, “we are used to it.” And she messes up my bangs. I push her away, laughing once again, this one happy. She smiles back.

“Thanks, I guess,” my smile turns sad, “but I was serious.”

“I know.” She takes my hand and squeezes it. I look at them, not moving away.

It’s the first time in weeks, to not say months, that we really talk. The feeling it leaves in my chest is warm, comforting. I know we have much left, that most of the time I'm difficult to treat, that I close up and ignore what I don’t like around me. It’s a beginning, at least. A first step.

“You should go,” I say to her. “Emhi must be waiting for you.”

She squeezes my hand one last time before smiling. When she leaves, I stay at the closed door for a while, and sigh.

I have to get ready to talk to the khadae.

tag list (ask to be added or removed!): @my-cursed-prince @on-noon

[alizekk]

Everything you need to know about PCOS

PCOS – short for polycystic ovarian syndrome is a health condition that affects 1 in 10 women.  Literally, it’s the development of small fluid filled sacs or “cysts” in the ovaries and it’s caused by a hormone imbalance. Too much androgenic hormones (testosterone, DHEA) and not enough estrogen. PCOS is also linked to insulin resistance or type 2 diabetes. 

PCOS can result in a host of issues from insulin resistance (type 2 diabetes), high blood pressure, high LDL cholesterol, infertility, acne, excess hair growth etc. 

I have seen doctors come at this with myriad of drugs to attack the problem from various angles.  They can prescribe something like metformin to improve insulin sensitivity.  Some suggest birth control to add in more estrogen or progesterone.  And some suggest anti-androgens.  

In my experience, as a person who suffered from PCOS as a teenager, all of this can be controlled with lifestyle changes. The key is to be an “upstreamist”. 

This is an analogy from a Ted Talk and here’s the story… there are people being tossed into a river… most doctors jump in the river, pull people out of the currents, and administer CPR.  The doctors who are “upstreamists” instead head upstream to see why / how people are being tossed into the river.  Translation – find the root of the problem and address that instead of attempting to cure the symptoms.  

Therefore, in my opinion, when it comes to PCOS the key is to look for the reasons your hormones are out of whack in the first place and address that!

The top reasons are as follows – crap food and way too much of it.  Not enough exercise. The crap food can completely screw up your insulin levels and your body’s ability to properly utilize insulin. Plus, chemicals in heavily processed foods and foods sprayed with various pestecides, herbicides, and fungicides can also throw off your androgen/estrogen balance. Fitness, is the number one way to improve insulin sensitivity. So inactivity on top of a poor diet is insult to injury. 

This is the reason that keto diets are suggested for people with PCOS.  The goal is to control insulin levels.  That said, it’s unnecessary, extreme, and comes with other unwanted side effects in the long term.

The ideal game plan is as follows:  

Exercise between four to six 30 minute sessions a week.  

Train with HIIT intervals and resistance training as those techniques are most effective at accelerating insulin sensitivity.  

Avoid all processed carbs as often as possible – no white flour and no white sugar. Vegetables, whole grains, and a couple servings of fruit a day are ideal.  

Make sure you have a healthy blend of macro-nutrients in each meal to balance blood sugar. So healthy fats, clean protein, and complex carbs combined in all meals is optimal.  

Go organic as often as possible – especially when it comes to meat, dairy, and thin skinned fruits and vegetables. 

Don’t overeat.  If you have weight to lose keep your calories around 1400 a day until you are at your goal weight. If you are at your goal weight make sure to match your calorie intake with your daily calorie burn. 

Stick with this plan for 6 months and I’m extremely confident you will experience a total 180 when it comes to your PCOS symptoms.

Forward from ： https://www.casalilla.com/

[michaelbranch]

A Brief Summary of Ideas: Outlive

*These summaries are kept intentionally very brief, just hitting what I consider some of the important/interesting takeaways, most word-for-word or paraphrased. My goal is also to stick to ideas/principals that might guide others (or my future self) in deciding the value of a read (or re-reading). T = takeaway, Q = Question

Outlive: The Science & Art of Longevity

Author(s): Peter Attia, MD with Bill Gifford

“There comes a point where we need to stop just pulling people out of the river. We need to go upstream and find out why they’re falling in.” – Bishop Desmond Tutu

Longevity has 2 components: How long you live (lifespan), and how well you live (healthspan).

Risk is not something to be avoided at all costs; rather, it’s something we need to understand, analyze, and work with.

Hyperbolic discounting: natural tendency for people to choose immediate gratification over potential future gains.

Healthspan deterioration categories:

Cognitive decline.

Decline and eventual loss of function of our physical body.

Emotional health.

Horsemen diseases

Cardiovascular disease

-Heart disease and stroke, lumped as atherosclerotic cardiovascular disease, represent the leading cause of death.

-Many potential pharmacologic interventions to reduce blood lipids

Cancer

-Perhaps the most important tool in our anticancer arsenal is early, aggressive screening.

Alzheimer’s disease

-Broadly strategy should include vascular health, metabolic health, early prevention, and exercise.

Metabolic syndrome (meet 3 or more)

-High BP (>130/85)

-High triglycerides (>150mg/Dl)

-Low HDL cholsesterol (<40 mg/dL in men or <50 mg/dL in women)

-Central adiposity (waist circumference > 40” in men or 35” in women)

-Elevated fasting glucose (>110 mg/Dl)

-Canary in the coalmine of metabolic disorder is elevated insulin.

-Fat storage capacity varies widely among individuals.

Medicine 3.0

Places a far greater emphasis on prevention than treatment.

Considers the patient as a unique individual.

Our starting point is the honest assessment, and acceptance, of risk—including the risk of doing nothing.

Pays far more attention to maintaining healthspan.

You are always participating, never passive.

Tactics of Medicine 3.0:

Exercise: data demonstrating the effectiveness of exercise on lifespan are as close to irrefutable as one can find in all of biology.

-Strength. Build up solid base (lose it quickly as you age). Structure around grip strength, concentric and eccentric loading, pulling, and hip hinging.

-Stability. Cultivating safe, ideal movement patterns. First rule of fitness: do thyself NO harm. Subconscious ability to harness, decelerate, or stop force.

-Aerobic efficiency. Zone 2 cardio, appx. 3 hours/week.

-Peak aerobic capacity. VO2 max training, 1 or 2 per week.

Nutrition/nutritional biochemistry. Figure out what works for your body and your goals. What you can stick to. Don’t eat too many calories, or too few; consume sufficient protein and essenteial fats, obtain the vitamins and minerals you need; and avoid pathogens.

Sleep. Dark, cool (mid 60’s), avoid napping if it will reduce sleep pressure, sauna/warm shower before bed, limit food within 3 hours of bed.

Emotional Health

-“Every man is a bridge, spanning the legacy he inherited and the legacy he passes on.” -Terrence Real

-The most important thing about childhood trauma is not the event itself but the way the child adapts to it.

-“When nothing seems to help, I go back and look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock perhaps a hundred times without so much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not the last blow that did it, but all that had gone before.”-Jacob Riis

-When we are suffering it is rarely because of some direct cause. -More likely we are thinking about some painful event in the past or worrying about something bad that may occur in the future.

-Changing behavior can change the mood. You don’t need to wait for your mood to change.

Exogenous Molecules

Longevity is meaningless if your life sucks.

[inspirehealthandspirit]

Why do I Need A Liver Cleanse? The Answers Here

Are you feeling sluggish and tired all the time? Perhaps you’re getting more heartburn and stomach pain in what seems like all of the sudden. Are you feeling congested have allergies & sinuses bothering you this season? So If You're Asking Yourself: Why Do I Need A Liver Cleanse? A Liver Cleanse can help you detox, remove toxins, purge liver deposits and stones.   Clues You Need A Liver Cleanse Your liver is calling out for help through acid reflux/heartburn, stomach pain, fatigue, sluggishness, hormonal imbalance, high blood pressure, bloating and excess gas, allergies and sinus irritations. Other symptoms such as anxiety/panic attacks are also symptoms, read more about panic attacks here.  There are many more links to disease and the liver. If you're interested in treating the root cause of these diseases and illness, then I recommend reading the Liver Rescue by Anthony William. You'll get so much information it's crazy. You'll reference it all the time. He recommends certain supplements to help with specific diseases/illnesses. My husband and I both take supplements and herbals recommended in the book.  During the cleanse we stopped all supplements and vitamins and started again after we finished it. I have noticed a difference. I've also posted To Detox Or Not To Detox where you can learn more about the Liver, Colon and Harmful Organism Cleanse. Benefits of a Liver Cleanse - Improves Digestion - Improves liver function - Boosts energy - Feel lighter - Reduces Bloating and Gas - Clear brain fog CLEANSE DIET It is a five day cleanse or even six days if you include the day after the flush.  The liver cleanse kit comes with instructions, you'll need this, that spells out every step of the cleanse.   Even what you should eat during this time. You'll eat clean and avoid dairy, alcohol, sodas, and gluten as is recommended.  It's also suggested to purchase organic or locally grown foods, however, we bought our food from our regular grocery store which isn't organic or locally grown. Following the recommended diet will bring even better results, however, I don’t think we missed out on too much.   LIVER CLEANSE Day 1 Preface this that I started feeling a little off last night.  It was Easter Sunday, and I began to feel a bit sore throat coming on.  We were all sitting outside most of the day so it could very well be a sinus drainage issue, but I feel it today too.  I’ve started the day with green tea to kick the sore throat. I followed the Liver Cleanse instructions throughout the day and ate clean.  I also did my HIIT workout and could feel my sore throat or possibly cold being sweat out. Could the liver cleanse drink be helping, quite possibly? The drink itself isn’t that bad.  If you drink kombucha it’s a little like that but not as strong.  My husband, on the other hand, thinks it's horrible and has to chase it down.  LOL, I think for someone who isn’t used to drinking kombucha, aloe vera juice or other “weird” drinks its probably a shock to drink something that has ACV in it.   Day 2 I felt cold and fatigued all day until about 2:30 in the afternoon.  I pretty much just laid around because I felt like I was getting a cold. Then around 2:30 all of a sudden I was just more alert and felt better.  Even had some energy to burn. I took my next dosage of Oxy-Powder and Latero Flora and went to bed. I did find that I was up 3-4 times during the night having to rush to the bathroom.  Then I was awake and would fall asleep only to wake up again to go to the bathroom. The cleanse is definitely working without a doubt. My husband, on the other hand, did not feel well at all this morning and said he was up all night because he felt nauseous, had a headache and was even sweating.   He was experiencing detox side effects. The nausea was so bad that he was resisting taking dopamine. He succeeded and didn’t succumb to that. He normally wakes up every morning to workout but this morning he was still asleep, so I knew something was up.  I asked if he was ok and he said he felt sick. I explained all the toxins are getting stirred up and trying to come out. Its a normal side effect of doing a detox/cleanse, especially if this is your very first cleanse or detox ever.   Day 3 My husband woke up feeling better and had a good night’s sleep.  For the most part, so did I. My 3-year-old makes it a little hard to sleep without interruption due to her sleeping right on my shoulder with a leg wrapped around my stomach.  I definitely feel lighter today and less bloated and tight. We drank the liver cleanse and ACV drink. But at this point, it’s getting boring and I’m trying to stay focused.  The drink doesn’t bother me but I miss my tea. I’ve kept myself occupied and feel energetic. Day 4 Today I feel much better and clear-headed.  I have a little bit of a headache this afternoon but otherwise, I feel good.  I have energy and have only gone to the bathroom a few times. My brain fog has lifted and I'm clear-minded. Yay!   Feeling these benefits is what will keep you on track and stick to the rest of the cleanse. Maybe even do another one in the future. My husband has already sworn that he will not do this again. Mainly, because of the taste of the liver cleanse/ACV drink.  I think he’ll feel the benefits after it's over and be open to it again. We’ll see. My husband, on the other hand, said everything finally kicked in this morning at 5 am.  So maybe he's a little more toxic than me since it took this long to feel any of the actual cleansing part.  Nevertheless, I’m just thankful he’s been open enough to give this a try after years of me asking him to try.   Day 4 is the last day you drink the liver cleanse and ACV drinks.  Tomorrow will be light eating prepping for the Flush Day. Having done this cleanse twice before I am not looking forward to this part but I will do it, of course. At this point, neither one of us is having any cravings for anything.  I’m not really hungry either today. Day 5 This is the big day, Flush day.  Need I say more, this is exactly what it says. We’ve already been experiencing flush like symptoms all week from Oxy-powder and Later-Flora.  Yes, it will happen it's unavoidable its part of the elimination of toxins. And that is what we are going for here. This may be the day you ask yourself why do I need a liver cleanse? Cause you're not sure why you're this BUT don't forget the benefits! This is the home stretch you can finish this! The day itself was a regular day but with a restricted eating plan.  My energy levels are up and I feel clear-minded. You will not take Oxy-powder and later-flora on this night.  Instead, you will drink Epsom salt, yup it’s lovely (that’s sarcasm) and then olive oil, equally as tasty (sarcasm again). I’m not going to lie. It wasn't easy-drinking Epsom salt and olive oil straight up. (This is where I ask myself that question why do I need a liver cleanse?) I struggled with getting down the Epsom salt mix, which is a laxative in case you are wondering WTH, and had to keep myself from gagging.  My husband tried to talk to me right after drinking this, and I had to say don’t talk to me, I’m trying to keep this down. Then shortly after, you take the olive oil shot.  You can down all 6 oz as a shot or mix it with some freshly squeezed orange juice. I opted to not shoot it like some badass but rather mix it with OJ and do my best to get it down slowly. I got it down, it wasn’t too bad with OJ and I kept telling myself, I’m going to feel so much better after this.  Do it. I did.   How Did My Husband Do, You May Ask? After all, I’ve done this cleanse 3 times now, and I still struggle with getting down the Epsom salt drink and olive oil.  But I do it every time and don’t use that as a reason to not do it. So surely, my husband is going to be struggling with this too. I’m going to have to coach him through it. Well, my husband freakin’ threw both back like a champ. WTH! He complained all week about the ACV drinks and how that was awful but for some reason the most difficult part, for me anyway, he was like yeah no big deal.   DAY 6 While this is technically not part of the actual cleanse, it is part of the flush day aftermath.  You will take 6 Oxy-Powders when you wake up. This gets everything moving out of your liver and gallbladder.  Instructions say you may see stones being passed. You can use a throwaway strainer if you would like to catch them and see, per the instructions.  Yeah, I don’t need to go that far but some of you may. I experienced the “Flush” all day the next day.  I had to attend a party that afternoon and was ok for the most part.  Running to the bathroom as needed. My husband said he had to go to the bathroom but it wasn’t anything crazy. He was at the same party and even ate regular food. I, however, did not as I ate fruit and drank water. In no way was I going to mess up all my hard work and struggle by eating poorly the next day or days afterward.  No need to undo what had just been done. BATHROOM BREAKS This may be a concern for you especially if you work outside your home. I had the benefit of being at home this time. However, the previous two times I did it I was at work just like you. And I managed just fine.  As long as you have access to a bathroom, you’ll be fine. My husband did it while being at work all week and he managed.  So don’t let this be a deterrent to not try the cleanse. You can order it here and start your journey now.  It’s only 5 days plus the next day after the flush. Plan it over a weekend so you don’t have to worry about work bathrooms. LIVER CLEANSE RESULTS I’ve done this cleanse 3 times now and always feel better after.  If you’ve never done one or are a pro but haven’t tried this one, give it a try.  It may sound scary but the benefits far out weight the Epsom salt drink and olive oil shot. You may be wondering, if I do this how much weight will I lose. What's in it for me besides the elimination of toxins? Now, of course, I measured and weighed myself to give you all the external results from this liver cleanse.  It’s not all about the external results though we are going for internal health here. But I know this plays a role in the overall outcome. I hope this answered the question of why do I need a liver cleanse? You'll definitely get benefits of the cleanse at the very least you'll feel a little better. Read about activated charcoal and how it too can help with cleansing out some toxins. For an added benefit try grounding or earthing or dry brushing. WEIGHT LOSS Here it is, I lost 4 pounds (in 6 days), and lost a ½ inch off my waist, a ¾ inch off the smallest part of the abdomen, and a ¼ inch off my lower abdomen.  This may or may not seem like a lot to you but we are all different. These results are significant for me. I’m only 5’ so this is noticeable.   My husband lost 5 pounds during this time.  We don’t have any measurements on him; guys aren’t doing all that.  But I can visually tell that he lost weight around his upper abdomen.  He can benefit from another cleanse or two.  Still, I'm proud he gave it a try. Men if you are reading this you can do this too.  I’m still impressed that my husband did this with me.  He stuck to it even though the drinking of liver cleanse water and ACV water was a little rough.  He persevered and came out the other side lighter, feeling better. And I think eventually he’ll do another one because he’ll remember how he felt after doing the liver cleanse.  Time will tell. TAKE AWAY You may think different parts of the cleanse are harder than others.  As you can tell from both of our experiences we stuck to it and finished it. Why did we stick to it? Because we know our livers are calling out for some help.  It’s vital that we take care of our liver as it works diligently every minute of the day to keep us going strong. Your body is being inundated with toxins every day, and your liver is working hard at cleaning them out, but it’s being overwhelmed.  It’s when it becomes overloaded that you experience the symptoms above. You gotta help your body work at optimal levels.   You only get one. Try this cleanse to start in detoxing your body.  You came across this post for a reason. You're ready to begin healing and not treat the symptoms anymore. Get started! Remember that no two people are the same therefore no two people will have the same results, with anything in life. What works for one may not work another. These are my results alone. You may or may not experience the exact same thing. Listen to your body. 8/22/2019 UPDATE Global Healing Center now includes the organic olive oil and Epsom salt in the Liver Cleanse Kit. No worries about having to get anything extra for the cleanse except ACV. I wish you peace and guidance on your journey.  Take care and be well. The Liver Cleanse Kit Is: - 100% alcohol-free. - Vegan-friendly and GMO-free. - Helps eliminate foreign substances and toxins from the liver. - Made with organic and wild cultivated herbs. - Made in the USA from globally sourced ingredients using eco-friendly sustainable manufacturing. Read the full article

[timemachineyeah]

We don’t talk enough about the systemic health effects of casual fatphobia and how much they fucking skew the data to the point where we literally cannot know how much outcomes are actually related to fatness and how much they are related to society not being designed for fat people, like literal design.

My best friend cannot find a bra.

She’s fat. We won’t get into the ~why~ here because it honestly wouldn’t matter whether it was “all her fault” or whether it was a result of outside forces like genes and such, she still deserves a goddamn fucking bra that fits.

And she cannot find a bra.

She’s short and fat, and Fat Bras are usually full cup, but because she’s short the full cups are usually too tall, or the armbands around them are too tall, to the point where what’ll fit around her chest and over her boobs will also dig up into her arms or have such high coverage that she literally cannot wear a shirt with a neckline high enough. Any bra that goes out enough goes too high.

This affects her ability to find clothing, impacting her ability to go outside sometimes, because she has this tiny selection of bras and she constantly has to wash them and when they’re gone she has no idea when she’ll next be able to find another unicorn bra. They appear in a flash usually in startups that die soon after, and COVID has killed most the small businesses remaining where she had even a hint of a chance of finding a fitting bra.

So she wears bras that don’t fit. Or she doesn’t leave the house. One gives her back pain. The other is, obviously, not very active. She likes to be active.

If she brings it up, people suggest breast reduction surgery.

But the thing is, with a good bra, she does not get back pain.

But if it’s that hard to find a good bra, they say, wouldn’t a reduction just be easier?

Wouldn’t it be easier for you to chop off part of your flesh, they say, then for us to cut fabric and underwire to more sizes? As if that is normal. As if that isn’t horrifying.

It’s not just bras. It’s chairs. It’s benches. It’s goddamn shoes. It’s seatbelts. It’s exercise equipment - I just got an exercise bike for Christmas. I had to shop around to find an affordable one that was also rated to take my level of fat. If I were 100 pounds heavier, which some people are? I don’t think any equipment would have existed in a price range that any working person could expect to afford. I don’t think most people even look at the weight ratings on chairs and couches and furniture. Once you start? They are lower than you think. There are absolutely 100% people you love in your life - whether really tall men or just average kinda overweight fat people - who should not be using the things they are using. Who are not getting support from their mattress, their footwear, their office chair. It might be you! You might be thinking “but I am average size!”, but the amount of furniture out there that’s only weighted to about 200lbs? Or 175??? It’s SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU REALIZE. Get into the Proper Fat? The 350lb, 400lb, 500lb fat? There’s virtually nothing.

Seatbelts are not tested for fat bodies and seatbelt extenders aren’t regulated.

We know about the problems with too small a blood pressure cuff. With too low a medicine dose. With no MRI a really fat body can fit in for a thousand miles.

We know, from multiple studies on multiple oppressed communities, that social bias by itself, with zero other compounding factors, can give people worse health outcomes.

Now add up

+ one of the social biases with the least pushback even from the educated liberal set with

+ having a world that is literally not made for you. Where you cannot get clothes, furniture, or transportation in a way that will actually accommodate you,

+ where society is constantly blaming you for this. And even if you somehow (and if you know how, please tell me) manage to retain some sense of self worth and optimism and determination despite all that

+ that’s not gonna magically give you access to the daily supplies a person needs in their home and out in public that’ll make living safe and healthy life literally physically possible.

If you’re really so concerned about fat people’s health start a bra company. If you’re really so concerned about fat people’s health mandate changes to seatbelt requirements. If you’re really so concerned about fat people’s health have a variety of chairs in your waiting room with at least some being properly Fat Rated. If you’re really so concerned about fat people’s health, make it easier for fat people to be active by making exercise equipment that fits them, swimwear that’ll actually stay on them, athletic shoes that can bear them. If you’re really so concerned about fat people’s health ask they be included in more medical trials. If you’re really so concerned about fat people’s health, promote fat visibility and fat people loving their bodies - because hating yourself has literally never been good for anyone’s health.

If you’re using “concern for health” as a shield to allow you to judge and criticize strangers, you don’t give a fuck about anyone’s health. You’re just an asshole who prefers a veneer of respectability when you bully people. You’re hateful and we can see right through you.

But fatphobia isn’t just bullying. It isn’t just judgment from strangers. It isn’t just medical neglect and medical bias. Even if we could wave a wand and make all that go away, my best friend still wouldn’t have a bra that fits, people still wouldn’t have a chair that supports them, a seatbelt that protects them. It’s literally engineered in. And it slowly kills people day by day by day.

[ichayalovesyou]

THE BIG VULCAN BIOLOGY POST (aka Vulcan is a Hell Planet)

DISCLAIMER: I am not a biologist, astrophysicist, neurologist, animal psychologist or literally anything that would qualify me to talk about this with 100% confidence. This is the result of dozens of headcanons and obsessive deep dive research. I don’t want this post to be three miles long, so after I address the planetary stuff I will oblige y’all with a Read More.

Adsfasdkfjhaslkdfh I’ve been working on this post for almost a month SO HERE WE GO!

First of all, Vulcan (aka T’Khasi) is a HELL PLANET, which is part of the reason they’re so badass, I say this for the following reasons:

No moon(s) (natural satellites)

Sodium (Salt) is so rare on the planet that Vulcan’s oceans are freshwater

It’s a “Super-Earth” (as in big chonkin’ planet of similar composition to earth in the “goldilocks region”)

Let’s do this.

“Vulcan has no moon Ms. Uhura.”

-Spock, The Man Trap

Tons of things change about our planet if there was no moon:

Much darker nights (no moonlight)

Much lower sea levels since there is no gravity from the moon to pull it upward.

Lower and weaker tides because the water is pulled by the sun instead of the moon, and it depends on how large the Vulcan solar system’s sun is for how big the waves are.

Stronger winds from faster planet rotation.

Depending on whether the axis of the planet would straighten or tilt further without the moon’s pull, combined with the faster rotation would lead to more severe seasons (strong tilt) or no seasons at all (no tilt)

The first factor may lead to Vulcan eyes being very catlike even if they aren’t nocturnal (I think they’re crepesucular but we’ll get into that later). Which given the likely nature of their blood and their herbivorous eating habits they probably aren’t. The sky would still be so dark that our human eyes couldn’t even see our hands in front of us, being blind when the sun goes down could be a death sentence. Alternatively, if they didn’t develop strong night vision that may be one of the reasons why they have such strong senses of hearing.

The stronger winds, faster rotation, and stronger (or nonexistent) seasons come from the lack of resistance and friction that stronger tides and the moon’s pull create on our planet. I suspect that Vulcan is larger, or at least denser than Earth, but I’ve been informed that according to the TMP novelization that it does rotate faster. I also think that Vulcan’s tilt is on the more extreme end to get the hostile extremes like storms and heat that we see on Vulcan.

If you look at this image of Vulcan, water covers way less of the planet’s surface than Earth. I don’t think this is necessarily because Vulcan has less water, but that it isn’t spread as far because of the lack of moon, and the fact that the oceans are freshwater, I’ll get into that shortly.

“My ancestors spawned from a different ocean than yours.”

-Spock, The Man Trap

In the Star Trek: The Original Series (third) pilot The Man Trap, there is a creature that kills its victims by draining their bodies completely of salt. Spock encounters the creature but does not die, implying his (and Vulcans overall) body contains little to no salt. His justification is that his species did not evolve from a salinized ocean.

What does it mean to have oceans with no salt?

This has to mean that sodium is a very rare mineral on Vulcan, as the reason our oceans are so salinized is due to erosion of minerals by rainfall, carried from river to ocean. Salt in the ocean is also generated by submarine volcanic activity, which means either that the volcanoes on Vulcan (which we definitely know exist) somehow don’t produce salt, or the vast majority of the submarine volcanoes have been inactive for millions if not billions of years. The active volcanoes on Vulcan must be very far inland and/or Vulcan has almost no rivers, which given how hot the planet is, wouldn’t actually be too much of a stretch of the imagination.

Which means every single lifeform on T’Khasi, including Vulcans, evolved biosystems that exist without (or with very little) salt content. Any salt that exists would likely be deep beneath the planet’s surface, and within volcanoes.

No saltwater has a ton of consequences:

Plants (like underwater algae) are rarer and may not photosynthesize the same way Earth plants do, meaning less oxygen and more carbon dioxide, which means more greenhouse effect, which means higher temperatures.

The lack of salt would also mean less diverse plant life (at least as humans know it) and given the lack of visible rivers and vast swaths of desert on Vulcan, we can safely say vegetation must be hardier and infrequent.

Lower sea levels as the oceans would have lower density due to lack of salt.

Little to no water convection, which salt is crucial for on Earth. Which means warm ocean water doesn’t move to cold regions and vice versa. Creating extremes, the equator being obscenely hot, and polar waters freezing at the poles more extensively.

Lack of convection means more frequent and stronger storms like hurricanes.

If you thought the lack of a moon made Vulcan inhospitable, compound it with the low sodium factor and you’ve got a planet of even more severe extremes than before. The heat, and the decrease of plant diversity definitely explain why the vast majority of Vulcan is rocky desert, even being near the water poses more extreme dangers than it would on earth due to the increased frequency of hurricanes.

“Mr. Spock is much stronger than an ordinary human being.”

-Kirk, This Side of Paradise

I am almost 100% sure that Vulcan is either bigger or denser than Earth. Which would explain why Vulcans are so much stronger than Humans and other species that exist on similar gravity worlds.

Effects of a high-gravity planet or “Super-Earth” include:

Everything is shorter or has very strong foundations, plants, animals, structures, and people.

More “Armageddon” class asteroids would hit the planet (like the one that killed the dinosaurs and created the Gulf of Mexico)

Larger liquid mantle under the planet’s surface, higher pressure under the surface as well.

Weaker magnetic field due to lack of convection in the planet’s core (not to be confused with the mantle interacting with the planet’s crust). Which means a weaker atmosphere, lower magnetism in surface metals, and increased vulnerability to solar flares.

More volcanically and seismically active due the the increase in the mantle’s size and generated heat, more earthquakes, and more volcanic eruptions.

Would have to have a smaller sun but be closer in orbit to it than earth.

Extremely deep oceans, potentially with water under so much pressure at the bottom that it becomes solid like ice. Luckily Vulcan is not an ocean world, because the pressure would block the planet’s core from interacting with the atmosphere, which would prevent life as we know it from happening.

There is plenty of evidence for this on so many levels. We never see any plant life similar to trees on Vulcan. Nor animals significantly larger than Vulcans, the ones that are bigger are much more muscular. Vulcan’s sky is more red than blue because of the lack of oxygen molecules for the light from the sun to filter as blue. I actually headcanon that Spock is unusually tall for a Vulcan because of his human heritage (Leonard Nimoy was around 6ft tall) , and may have had heart and muscle problems in his teens and early adulthood while on Vulcan.

Perhaps Vulcans are the result of many more extinction level events than we are, contributing to their hardiness. Perhaps they are, evolutionarily, not too much older than we are, and had more incentive to develop extraterrestrial technology than we have, so that they could repel Armageddon Class meteors and defend their planet against Solar Flares? Space travel being born out of self-preservation rather than curiosity. Which would absolutely account for their attitudes in the beginning of Star Trek: Enterprise.

It could be that Vulcans still maintain a semi-nomadic lifestyle even today because their planet is so incredibly volatile. Unsentimental and utilitarian in anything less than the most sacred of architecture long before they adopted the teachings of Surak. Their own survival more valuable than any structure that would inevitably be damaged or destroyed by their planet’s harsh environment.

In summary, Vulcan is a Nightmare Planet because:

So, so many much natural disasters, like, so many, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, tsunamis, hurricanes, twisters, just, so many more than Earth.

Water is relegated to specific locations in the world rather than spread across it due to lack of flow and lower sea levels.

Extreme temperature changes, intense heat, intense cold, hard to breathe, stronger gravity.

Due to the planet’s hostility, there is a smaller diversity of life than we have here on earth, which means fewer and hardier food sources that, like Vulcans, are very difficult to kill.

So… How do they handle it? What features have they developed to adapt and thrive in such an inhospitable place?

First thing is first, lets talk about

BLOOD

“My hemoglobin is based on copper, not iron.”

-Spock, Obsession

Funny thing is Spock, it’s not hemoglobin at all! It’s hemocyanin! In fact, there are earth animals that have it, among them Horseshoe Crabs, crustaceans, mollusks and spiders!

Hemocyanin is blue when it hasn’t been exposed to oxygen, and blue-green when it has, according to some sources on Vulcans their blood is orangey red when unexposed to air and that’s why they have pink lips and so on, but we can brush that off as chemical variation within their hemocyanin. Better yet, maybe it’s trendy for Vulcans to wear pink lipstick nowadays, ‘cause Surak knows how horny Humans and Vulcans are for each other XD! Anyway!

Hemocyanin does quite a few things that our blood can’t, it’s uniquely built for high pressure, low oxygen environments, as well as endure temperature extremes like cold (not unlike nights on their planet). Not only that, but it coagulates and clots WAY faster than our blood. Which means wounds seal themselves off from harmful bacteria and stop bleeding much faster than hemoglobin. Pair that with the Vulcan ability to enter a healing torpor, no wonder Spock keeps surviving environments and wounds that would definitely have killed a human.

Now, the animals I listed don’t have veins, which for us carry oxygen around via hemoglobin, so it’s possible that the same difference that causes Vulcan blood to be a coppery orange-red beneath the skin, is the same reason they have veins. Allowing them to look more like us and lack the exoskeletons and deep ocean delving that their earth blood cousins have.

“The ship’s temperature is increasingly uncomfortable for me. I’ve adjusted the environment in my quarters to 125 degrees.”

-(Elderly) Spock, The Deadly Years

Oh goodie, the Vulcan blood temperature discourse has arrived, the age old question, are Vulcans warm-blooded or cold-blooded? The answer to this question is

YES

I am firmly in the small (but hopefully growing) camp Vulcans Are Heterothermic. Among the earth animals we know to be heterothermic are bumblebees, several species of bats, the opah fish, and the arctic ground squirrel. Of all these animals, despite the opposite temperature intensity of Vulcan’s environment, I’m basing how Vulcans function on the last one, the arctic squirrel.

Which means they can deliberately control their body temperature in accordance to the needs of their survival. I imagine, just as arctic ground squirrels can drop their body below zero as needed (entering what is called a “daily torpor”) Vulcans can do the same. In turn, they could possibly skyrocket their bodies to temperatures that would be a lethal fever for humans. Which makes both McCoy’s “nonexistent Vulcan metabolism” comments in various episodes, as well as describing his blood as “ice water” make sense. As well as Spock being able to handle the heightened body temperature caused by Henoch in “Return to Tomorrow”. It also explains why Spock was in far better shape than Bones in the freezing temperatures of the planet from “All Our Yesterdays”.

However, like arctic squirrel newborns, they start out as ectothermic (cold-blooded) which lends itself to the Vulcan infants needing even more skin to skin to survive than humans theory by @acesexualspock. Being born cold blooded would prevent them from immediately dying the second they were exposed to the dangerous extremes of Vulcan’s heat. I also think they slowly lose the ability to control their metabolic rate as they grow older, slowing down dramatically as they age, which is why Spock gets increasingly colder as he ages rapidly in “The Deadly Years”.

“The brightness of the Vulcan sun has caused the development of an inner eyelid.”

-Spock, Operation: Annihilate

I wanna thank @tribbleland for inspiring this part in particular.

I want to offer a special congratulations to furries people who let their love for anthro-cats bleed into their love for Vulcans, turns out Vulcans are very catlike! Like our feline Terran friends, Vulcans have what is called a Nicitating Membrane. It’s functions that would serve Vulcans well in their desert home include spreading moisture across the eye, protect the eye from small water and small debris (like sand for example), as well as protecting the eye from ultraviolet radiation, which is more or less what Spock said in that episode. Other animals that have Nicitating Membranes aside from felines is actually the majority of the animal kingdom, and primates (like us) are the exception and not the rule. I also subscribe to the idea that Vulcans have other desert dweller features like thick hair and eyelashes, sealable nostrils, big feet, a crepuscular sleep cycle (avoiding extreme midnight and midday temperatures), and a tough as nails digestive system!

As an added bonus fact since this section is pretty short: It makes purrfect sense for Vulcans to purr! In cats purring is an emotional regulator when they are angry or scared (Vulcans are ALL about regulating their emotions) as well as purring when they are happy. It is also a mechanism for healing themselves, their kittens, and their owners, the frequency at which cats purr (25-140 Hz) cover the same frequencies that are therapeutic for bone growth and fracture healing, pain relief, swelling reduction, wound healing, muscle growth and repair, tendon repair, and mobility of joints. I’m over here getting emotional about the mental image of like, Spock or Tuvok or smth sitting next to a wounded crewmember and just like, purring with a completely straight face and that is soft and just a little funny and I am emotionally compromised.

“And are it’s natives predatory?” “Not generally, but there have been exceptions.”

-Spock to Trelaine, The Squire of Gothos

Surprise! This isn’t just going to be about Vulcan dietary needs, it’s gonna be about animal behaviors and self-domestication as well! I was trying to think of herbivores that are capable of eating meat, and then this idea hit me like a bomb going of in my head-

Vulcans are like Hippos!

I don’t mean I think they used to be hippo-like (visually anyway) somewhere along the evolutionary line. I mean that they were probably big, extremely aggressive, pack roaming herbivores that are able to eat carrion when food is scarce. Have you ever seen a video of a group of Hippos smashing an alligator to smithereens? They kill more humans than any solitary predator on the African continent! What about a murder of crows killing a cat that injured one of them, or a group of bison saving a calf from a lion?! Herbivores can be insanely aggressive while still being social, plant-eating animals.

With that in mind, let’s talk about self-domestication! This is something that we humans (and to an extent, cats too) did way back in our biology according to some studies, we bred out aggression and bred in cooperativeness and curiosity. Cats, while partially domesticated by us, started looking for mates that were more sociable so that their offspring could exist closer to humans (and their food) as well as to tolerate other cats. While I do think Vulcans self-domesticated to a degree, I do not think they were able to do so nearly to the same extent as humans or our deliberately domesticated companions. Vulcan is a harsh, violent, and unforgiving planet, even more so than Earth, if Vulcans were naturally as friendly and curious as we Humans are now, they would not have survived as a species.

I believe this is why their emotions are so primal and strong, and things like Pon Farr and their unusually high wariness of the new and unexpected still exist so strongly. How do they live together in such high numbers and develop a functional society? They developed other means of coping as a work-around the impracticality of decreasing aggression!

“Call it a deep understanding of the way things happen to Vulcans.”

-Spock, The Immunity Syndrome

So, how do you have a species as aggressive, unforgiving, and frighteningly strong as Vulcans keep from completely destroying itself (aside from Surak’s teachings)? You take the empathy that humans already have, turn it up to 11, and tack on every evolutionary possibility to increase it. We already know how the Earth comparisons for Vulcan empathy: the extreme vitality of touch for the survival and emotional stability, cats purring to heal each other and themselves (and regulate emotions), nonverbal communication, the ancestral instincts of an infant animal being able to walk days after its born. What if we had all of these traits in remarkable spades, Vulcans certainly seem to! (Be prepared, the science starts getting a little squidgy because there are no real world comparisons and neurology research is very jargon heavy)

Electricity is a fundamental part of the biology of nearly all living things, it allows synapses to fire, regulates our internal organs, and gives us our senses of touch and movement. Skin to skin is so incredibly vital to the survival of infants, and the emotional stability for adults, that needing any more touch could be impractical and counterintuitive. So what if we got more from less? What if our sense of touch, and the acuteness of being able to read the emotions of others from body language and touch manifested as a form of what looks like from an outsider’s perspective, telepathy!

Now what if the radius of the sensation of touch could be extended much farther, say being able to sense someone to the same intensity I described in the last paragraph, like, through a wall or from across a room? What if you could connect to other lifeforms with the same ability like a chain circuit that could connect a whole species together in one giant circuitboard? I just described what Vulcans call the kwar’ma’khon, the telepathic energy that connects all Vulcans to each other!

Imagine having this same intense telepathic connection to someone for an extended period of time, like a t’hy’la or Bond Mate. What if you had a relatively easy to master non-lethal attack against other members of your species, that comes to you easily due to your intrinsic understanding of nerves and touch, like the Vulcan Nerve Pinch. In turn, what if, through the intensity of this connection you could transfer everything you knew and saw and felt to another person in the event of your death. That way, if you survived the harshness of your world without dying violently or unexpectedly, you could deliberately pass on that knowledge and those instincts to your next of kin, like the Katra. (thanks @distractedducky @spacedancer1701 & @find-me-in-outer-space)

Now, that’s A LOT of empathy on top of A LOT of aggression, if you don’t have a work around for any of these, as a species you’d be rendered a complete emotional wreck pretty much 24/7 (or whatever the time cycles for Vulcan are). Which is where @ineffablebuddies theory that Vulcans can control, or at least mitigate their incredibly strong emotional reactions the same way they control their nervous system and metabolic rate. Which is how they are able to be touch telepathic, able to enter a torpor at will, and be heterothermic in the first place. The only reason Vulcans come off as unemotional to us is because we simply do not see and feel the way that they can. Unlike us, because of their ability to control their own internal chemistry, if they follow Surak’s teachings and/or Syrranite ideology, they can take that emotional regulation to the extreme.

(BIG EXHALE) Congratulations on getting through this insanely long post! I hope you enjoyed it, if you want sources on any of my non-tumblr post research just let me know in the notes. LLAP! 💚🖖🏻💚