#i want to be diagnosed and prescribed if at all possible but i don’t know how and i don’t know if they will. i don’t know how to approach it

[fingertipsmp3]

Btw I’ve never talked to an actual medical doctor about my mental health issues so I have no idea how to go about it. Lol

[etrsilk]

Hellooooo can I please have headcanons of the main 4 with a sick reader? I really want some comfort because my head and stomache hurts 😭

₊✩‧₊˚ ᡣ𐭩 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑 ⇝ 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐤 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 .ᐟ

˗ˏˋ ➛ 𝙞𝙣𝙘𝙡𝙪𝙙𝙚𝙨: 𝘒𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘶𝘢,𝘎𝘰𝘯,𝘒𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘱𝘪𝘬𝘢,𝘓𝘦𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘰

˗ˏˋ ➛ 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜 — ✘

˗ˏˋ ➛ 𝙜𝙚𝙣𝙧𝙚 — 𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘧𝘧

⎝ 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚:: hello! Yes of course ! ♡ By the way, you have all my support! I hope you'll be better !! ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧

 —𝐊𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐔𝐀ꫂ ၴႅၴ

➘ This guy doesn't really empathize with you at first because he's only been sick very, very rarely in his life!

➘ But alongside your cold, you developed a very high fever that kept you bedridden, and that's when he began to worry about you

➘ His first instinct? Call Leorio!!!

➘ He listened very carefully to all his advice, and applied absolutely all of it!

➘ He takes it very seriously, and if you don't want to take one of the medications he will chase you around until you take it...

➘ He won't stop making jokes like "oh no, you touched me yuck I'm going to be sick" (10 minutes later he'll cuddle and kiss you because he can't be without your physical affection for more than 20 minutes)

➘ He was the most worried of the two of you, you were just like "bro it's just a cough" and he was like "what if it turns into Chronic Bronchitis???? Or what if it's a symptom of the Tuberculosis???"

“IT’S JUST A COUGH AND A LITTLE FEVER”

 —𝐊𝐔𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐈𝐊𝐀ꫂ ၴႅၴ

➘ You don't want to admit that you're sick, not at all out of pride, but because you absolutely don't want to worry him.

➘ You know that with his work, he is very stressed and busy so you didn't want to make his stress worse or disturb him. So you simply didn't tell him anything about your state of health and you tried to look as normal as possible.

➘ but one day you passed out in the kitchen

➘ The doctor diagnoses you with some sort of infection and prescribes lots of medications and instructions to follow!

➘ Kurapika gives you a moral lesson for hiding your poor state of health from him by saying that in a relationship you had to say everything and that we went through everything together and bla-bla-bla

➘ While you're healing, he becomes a little overprotective and refuses to let you exert yourself unnecessarily until you're fully recovered

➘ He stays with you as much as possible and cuddles and kisses you a lot to comfort you !!

 —𝐆𝐎𝐍ꫂ ၴႅၴ

➘ He feels a little lost and doesn't really know how to comfort you or help you get better.

➘ If he notices that your condition is really starting to get worse, he will call Leorio for advice and Leorio will obviously help him as best he can as a good dad friend!

➘ Gon would make you rest and take care of all the household chores. He would also bring you blankets and sweets, and together, you would spend your days and evenings watching movies, completely wrapped around each other like Legos.

it's so cute…

(He got sick shortly after and it was Leorio who had to take care of you two)

 —𝐋𝐄𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐎ꫂ ၴႅၴ

➘ He is very very very slightly happy because he finally has the opportunity to show you these doctor skills…

➘ But otherwise, obviously try to help yourself as best you can.

➘ It makes sure you have everything you need, from nutritious meals to medications to a clean, comfortable environment.

➘ He tries to comfort you by making you laugh with jokes!

"Leorio, I think I should see a doctor."

"Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see? Do you know how many people I treat in a year? I mean, even if I told you, you wouldn’t believe it. Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to stop going to work? A clinic big enough that it could be listed on the NASDAQ goes belly up. Disappears. It ceases to exist without me. No, you clearly don’t know who you’re talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in need of a doctor, my dear. I am the doctor. A guy feels a bit off and gets told to see a doctor and you think that of me? No. I am the one who diagnoses!"

(It was much funnier in my head)

—English is not my first language, so sorry for any mistakes!!

[g-n-c-quoi]

i feel like the idea of “treatment” when it comes to being disabled is a very complex and nuanced concept and the way able bodied society as a whole but doctors especially approach it fails to address most of those nuances and in doing so fundamentally fails to meet the needs of disabled people. which, of course, is nothing new really, but i think a lot about this particular aspect of it and how deeply detrimental it can be

anecdotally, a lot of my personal experiences with doctors involved them prescribing me treatments that were, at best, completely asinine, and at worst, actively harmful to my health, and then treating it as a personal moral fault of mine that i wasn’t enthusiastically pursuing them

for example, i insisted repeatedly to my parents and providers alike that physical therapy for my EDS was proving not only agonizing in the short term but appearing to have little if any benefit in the long term, and was repeatedly brushed off because i “just wasn’t doing it consistently enough” and it was insisted to me on multiple occasions that this was the only way for me to feel better, while at the same time i was being denied access to mobility aids because they didn’t want me to become “dependent”

a lot has changed since then and as i’m learning more about my body and how to take care of it it baffles me how much more pain i was in on a daily basis and how little anyone around me was willing or able to help

and, like, i know none of this was a result of outright malice. i am lucky enough to have had most of my doctors be, at the very least, genuinely intending to try to help me. where the shortcomings were was in the response to me not engaging with a form of treatment that was proving to do more harm than good.

i think this happens for two reasons, the first being one we know already, which is that people in general- doctors in this case, but people as a whole- do not like being wrong. when what they have learned to be immutable fact proves to have exceptions, the way every rule does, they cannot comprehend it. some even take personal offense. it’s like, “i know your body better than you because i went to school for it and you didn’t”. a lot of disabled people are deeply familiar with this one, because it’s deeply pervasive in the medical field especially.

the other reason is that people cannot comprehend the idea of refusing something that is intended to make you feel better. when i went off my meds, when i would refuse over the counter painkillers, when i would flake out of therapy of either the physical or mental variety, i was met with shock and outrage because “i wasn’t trying to get better”, never mind my repeated assertions that these things were not helping me get better in the first place. no one could imagine i would opt out of something that was done to improve my symptoms for any reason other than teenage petulance, and so all of my concerns and complaints were dismissed as just that.

and, of course, now that i’ve found things that do help me- occasional mobility aid usage, medicinal use of cannabis, etc- it’s dismissed by all the same people as risky and not worth it. the same concerns i had about the treatments i was receiving.

another issue is the fact that once the one default Thing for your condition doesn’t work or you don’t want it they basically treat you like you’re out of options and are just doomed to feel like this forever. for me it was physical therapy, and in another case the stimulants i was prescribed when i was first diagnosed with adhd that they took me off of and then never tried anything else until like four years later

the whole thing is set up to make disabled people as reliant on doctors as possible for things that may not even be the best option for them

[copperbadge]

hi, I just came across your grocery post on how your ADHD task coping mechanisms don’t align with performing the task while medicated. Do you have any thoughts/advice for adjusting to doing work/job tasks when your previous coping mechanisms don’t work while medicated? As someone who was diagnosed after I finished undergrad, my coping mechanisms for finishing schoolwork tasks are to intentionally trigger RSD to trick my brain into making the consequence of failing the task greater than my executive dysfunction. This is 1) not healthy for me and 2) difficult because Adderall softens my RSD and emotional dysregulation. So where unmedicated I would panic and make an entire presentation the night before it was due, my medicated self sits there anxious the night before my work presentation but still incapable of starting the work. I’d love to hear your ideas on this if you have a moment (no worries if not, have a great day either way)

I hope it's okay I posted this! My readership may also be able to offer suggestions. (Readers, remember to comment or reblog, as I don't post asks sent in response to other asks!)

So, as the kids say there's a bit to unpack here...I do have some coping mechanisms to offer, although I have a strong policy of "do what works for you" so if these aren't helpful, please don't feel as if you've somehow failed -- these are just what works for me. If they don't work for you, that may be a good jumping-off point for thinking about what would, but they simply won’t work for everyone. 

First, I want to say that while I'm not a psychiatrist or a doctor, it sounds like it's possibly an issue with the medication. If it's working well enough to help with your RSD but not well enough to help with the action paralysis you're describing, it could be you're on the wrong medication or the wrong dosage of it. So above all I would strongly recommend talking about this with your prescriber to see what they say. This may be as simple as a tweak to your prescription. My psych has me on 10mg immediate release at 8am and 1pm, but after discussing the rhythm of my day he has also given me permission to occasionally take 20mg at 8 and no second dose. 20mg is an option if I’m tired or struggling and gives me a little extra push to get stuff started and/or completed, and it helps a great deal, but it’s not always needed. 

As for solutions to the actual issue...so, I know that with ADHD it's often the case that once you start something, you may be able to focus deeply on it and bang it out very quickly, like you have been doing. Also can I say, using the RSD to kickstart the executive function is a wonderfully imaginative workaround but sounds super unpleasant to do, so I'm sorry you've had to do that. Anyway, I think people who are capable of doing this, of kicking into action and completing a very complicated task all at once, tend to think that's the only possible way to do it, because it’s the only way that has worked in the past. So I have two suggestions.

The first is to try and reframe the project as something you can work on before the last minute, now that you have medication helping your executive function along. You can try, for example, saying “I’d like to get some work done on this thing that’s due a week from now” and just see how far you get. This can be tricky and can lead to a lot of guilt if you can’t manage it, which I want to stress a lot of people can’t. But if you are capable of saying to yourself “I’m just going to work on this a little”, every time you do that, it gets slightly easier because you know you’re not starting from the beginning. I have sometimes set alarms to be like “Okay, I’ll take my meds at 9:30. At 10am, as they’re kicking in, the alarm will go off and I’ll work on the project a bit.” It could be that you are now capable of spreading the work out over time, but you haven’t been doing that simply because you’re so accustomed to being unable to. 

In some sense it’s a matter of identifying what the medication does for you and adjusting that to help you in your life. ADHD meds can have varying effects -- they can help you start stuff, they can help you focus, they can keep you from running around full of excess energy, but they don’t always do everything for every person. So if you know that your meds help you focus but don’t necessarily help you start on something, maybe you need someone to body-mirror you to help get started. If the meds calm you down, maybe use the calm time to set up your workspace and arrange everything so that it’s easier to get started later. Identify the changes the meds make and try to strategize around those changes. Like how without meds at the grocery store I have trouble finding things, whereas with meds I tend to get stalled out taking in all the information. So maybe I need to be at the tail end of a dosage period when I go, or maybe I need to make a list that includes BRANDS so that I’m not label-comparing, and tell myself I will not browse. Or give myself extra time so I can do those things! 

The second suggestion may be more helpful, but it too involves doing preliminary work early on. This is one I do when I have something I’m not feeling confident about, but you can do it about anything even if you WANT to do it but can’t seem to get going. 

As early as you can, set up some time to sit down and make a list of all the granular parts of a project, rather than doing the project itself. This isn't universal, some people stress out about lists, but it can ease the path towards starting if you think you don't have to do "a project" all at once. If you're making a power point presentation, your list may be something like

Open Powerpoint. Open prompt for presentation. Open research website or get out research books. Read research (just one!). Read research (another). Repeat until finished. Review and develop ideas for the presentation. Make an outline for what the presentation should be. Pick out a template for the slides. Begin entering text into slides.

Et cetera. I've found, and you may too, that once you've started making the list, or once you've gotten to step 3 or 4 of actually doing the list, you're on a roll and the rest comes naturally. Like, I can't do this fucking project! But....well, okay, I am capable of just....opening powerpoint. And once I've done that I can start knocking down the rest, a little at a time. I think it is very hard for people with ADHD to learn how to segment out work that they feel “goes together” over time, like we are always under the impression we have to do The Whole Thing Right Now. Learning to orchestrate smaller steps, with the help of medication, is one way to spread the work out. 

But yeah -- all of this is predicated on the idea that the medication can help you get started and focus enough to keep going. If it can’t do that, then the problem is not with you but with your meds. Learning how to observe your medications’ effects, and learning how to use those to your advantage, will be more helpful than any tips or tricks I can provide, in any case, but making sure they’re actually doing the job is first and foremost. 

[redley-of-many-noodles]

Hello there,

Welcome to my blog.

I’m Redley. Relatively new to Tumblr still, but I’ve been finding that I’m comfy here. Though it still feels awkward (thanks, dysphoria), I prefer she/her pronouns. I don’t mind they/them, but… meh. Note that Redley is neither my legal or chosen name; it is solely a handle, and I will only tell you my chosen name if I feel comfortable with you. If I extend that trust, please treat it with respect. If you don’t, I will remember.

Here’s the main stuff I’m comfortable sharing or want you to know about me:

1) I’m transfem, but haven’t had an opportunity to do much actual transitioning yet. Dislike my voice, adore my hair. My luscious, glorious, flowing hair.

1.5) I am likely pansexual, but I haven’t done enough research to know for sure. All I know is, people are… well, people are hot.

2) I live in Florida, but was not raised here. The climate and scenery are nice; the local government sucks ass though. Also, I miss snow.

3) I’m a diagnosed autistic, falling somewhere on the high-functioning end of the spectrum. I’m on prescribed antidepressants, but have not been able to find a psychologist/psychiatrist yet because it’s fucking Florida.

4) There are a lot of things and people I don’t understand, but I’m always open to learning. Trying new food is a special passion of mine, and I’ve met some quite fascinating new people since starting this blog. (*eoughck* @potentially-a-poser *aucghk* @analogue-system *ahem*)

5) I will not tolerate hateful behavior. You will be immediately blocked for shit like denying any of the shades of aro/ace individuals as being part of the LGBTQIA+ community. If you see me spreading misinformation or saying something that excludes members of the community, please tell me. I’ll research the matter, as well as review any sources you send me.

5.5) okay so I think I’m demiromantic

6) I do not mind being tagged or sent asks or otherwise brought into conversations. People who abuse that will likely get blocked, but whatever your social anxiety is telling you probably comes nowhere near ‘abuse’ in my book. Anonymous asks are enabled, but that can likewise change if the feature is abused. Hate asks will be blocked, naturally.

7) I would prefer being asked before you directly message me. If you don’t, there is a possibility you’ll be blocked, but it’s not a guarantee. I don’t want me and my friends’ conversations getting buried by anything.

8) If you consistently and frequently post tiktok/reddit memes with little to no commentary, I may block you simply out of annoyance should you repeatedly show up on my dash. It’s not personal. If something about you makes me suspicious or uncomfortable, but not outright offended, I’ll most likely notify you of my reason before I block you.

9) Age: pick a number between 1 and 100 because it’s none of your fucking business. None of you are entitled to any of my personal information, regardless of the reason. I will share only what I want.

My Behaviors

There are certain things I gravitate towards or away from on this site. Here’s some:

1) I am most likely to follow people who are part of the LGBTQIA+ community, are mentally ill, or are dealing with some variety of personality disorder. This is mostly just due to the fact that I find the most common ground with those people. But even those who I have little common ground with, I’ll tend to find very interesting.

2) I don’t mind things like roleplay and hornyposting on my dash, but will almost certainly not interact myself, or make original posts in that category. More extreme examples won’t necessarily get you blocked or unfollowed, but… well, my filtered tags list may grow.

3) I don’t always tag reblogs. This may mean that my followers will see random things that caught my interest. It could be art, shitposting, tender affirmations, politics, or just goofy-ass Tumblr shit. If something I regularly reblog/post about bothers you and isn’t properly tagged, let me know.

4) I am discovering that maybe, I might, perhaps, be a little bit nosy. When I see someone receiving hate or suffering and stressed, I am likely to take it upon myself to do or say something to try to make them feel better. If I bother you with this, I will not be hurt or offended if you block me. In general, I will do my best to be respectful of it when people draw boundaries, so don’t hesitate to draw any you feel necessary.

5) If your intentions are pure, you will likely find that I try to be forgiving and/or understanding of your mistakes, at least in regards to interacting with me. (The /or is a very important distinction.)

6) I will often be attracted to dark, tragic, or dystopic works of art/fiction. I get a form of catharsis from such media, and some of my writing will reflect that.

That’s about it.

That’s all the important stuff I can think of, aside from tags which are at the end. Still, this post may be updated or rewritten in the future. In general, just be kind and open-minded, and we’ll get along fine. Even if you disagree with me, as long as you are civil and rational about things, I’ll likely have no problem interacting with you.

Be safe, and be yourself! <3

🇵🇸🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

My Tags:

#redley’s playlist - Some of my favorite songs!

#redley’s photos - Photos taken by/of me!

#writing - Writing related things and occasionally stuff I’ve made! (#poetry will also contain some of my work)

#let me just frame this one - My personal favorite posts by others. Put that right up on the wall!

#cw/tw: [content] - I will tag posts that I recognize may be disturbing to others with content warnings and/or trigger warnings. This way, you can filter content that may be harmful to your mental health to view. If a post is missing an important one, let me know.

[schizopositivity]

(hey, this is a sort of vent/ask, so before i start talking i want to put trigger warnings in case anything i say below may make you uncomfortable)

(this ask deals with depressive talk, slight mentions of suicide and self-injury, doctors, medications, brief mention of a psychiatric hospital, and possible ableism [the ableism is not true, it is me asking if something is ableist]. if any of this makes you uncomfortable, please don’t read this, and im sorry for bothering you)

hello :] i hope that you’re doing well

this is a weird thing for me to talk about but i feel it would be best for me to talk about it with someone who has been diagnosed and get your input on it (if this conversation makes you uncomfortable please do not feel obligated to answer, and im so sorry if anything i say is offensive or disrespectful; this is never my intent, but i mess up a lot and don’t realize it’s offensive and im so sorry if i offend you in any way)

a few days ago i went to a monthly meeting with my new psychiatrist (for mdd, adhd, gad, self injury). she had asked me how i have been, and i told her that i feel incredibly low and suicidal thoughts are nearly consistent thoughts, as well as having a recent relapse in self injury that was over a month clean (which is good for me). i was also on adhd meds at the time and my focus declined horribly.

she (my psychiatrist) took me off of the adhd meds, so now im just on the antidepressant

yet, she recommended to my parents that, due to my intrusive thoughts becoming too loud and me fighting back the urge to harm constantly, i should continue my antidepressant, yet add to that a small dosage of an antipsychotic

i have never been diagnosed with any form of schizophrenia, psychosis, or something else that would fall under the umbrella for what an antipsychotic is used for.

i know that she is a psychiatrist and has proper training, and i know that she understands cases like mine (a few months back i was admitted to a psychiatric unit, voluntarily, and she has worked in that exact unit before). yet, i feel ableist in a way, if that makes any sense. as if im profiting off of a medication that used for diagnoses much stronger than those of my own, and that, as my psychiatrist has said, is to help “take the edge off”.

i have no say in this, and due to the recent relapse and also another mental incident, the medication has officially been prescribed and will be at my house either today or tomorrow; yet, am i ableist for taking an antipsychotic when i have never been diagnosed with anything related to psychosis, schizophrenia, or other delusion-affecting conditions?

(idk if this will help with anything, but the medication is risperidal)

this is really messy since im just really on edge yet i just wanna say again that if anything in this upsets you i am so sorry

if you read this far, thank you for listening to me. wishing you all the best

No need to apologize! I like genuine questions :)

It is not ableist at all to take a medication that's prescribed to you. They want you to take it because they think it will benefit you. You aren't doing anything wrong or offensive. You are just treating your symptoms with medication prescribed to you, you deserve to take it as much as anyone else.

Plus lots of nonpsychotic people take antipsychotics for reasons other than psychosis. It's been shown to be effective in people with bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety and dementia. (I would link more info but all I can find are very lengthy and difficult to read medical essays, if you are interested you can search up "antipsychotics for anxiety" and they will pop up).

Part of my goal for this blog is to destigmatize anything to do with schizo-spec disorders, psychosis, and treatments for those things. So normalizing the use of antipsychotics in nonpsychotic people is part of that. It's likely that a lot more people than you think take antipsychotics for its various uses, and all of that is normal and should be talked about openly and free of stigma.

Also if you want follow up advice on how antipsychotics might impact you and the side effects and stuff you can reach out to me in DM or another ask and I can do my best to help (since I have been on that exact med before).

[lucysweatslove]

I got a notification that a claim for my ADHD neuropsych testing was approved.

I wanted to write up a whole thing about how absolutely ridiculous this is. But it’s honestly too much effort. (Edit, lmao I proceeded to write up a whole thing anyway)

I have incredible insurance. We have BCBS through my husband’s work, and they have amazing benefits. Like, “not possible to get a plan this good on the marketplace” amazing. The best plan on the marketplace rn is like $1130/month for two people, with a slightly lower PCP copay but higher deductible, OOP max, AND coinsurance. Can’t remember how much we pay in premiums, but it’s like… a couple hundred?

So, I’m not super mad that I have to pay $360ish to the neuropsych for the testing. I know it could be worse.

And that’s part of the problem. Sure, I have Cadillac insurance. I’m LUCKY. Incredibly fortunate or blessed or whatever. And maybe my state’s Medicaid would pay out for this too, but I don’t know. What I do know is that there is a significant care gap ALREADY for rural and low-income people here. What happens if you don’t qualify for Medicaid but can’t afford good health insurance? What if you can’t find a neuropsychologist in network? What if you end up responsible for the original $2,580, or even “just” the $1,330 allowable for BCBS? People can’t just afford that here, and this particular office won’t release any reports to you until you have paid. Meaning if somebody requires this service for a diagnosis but can’t pay- highly likely because ADHD can make holding down a job difficult- they’re SOL. They can’t get treatment.

I had to see a total of five people to get to this point. To be frank, I don’t even know yet if the report will corroborate my loved experience. I still don’t understand the point of this testing to begin with; I’ve had three people in the sphere say it’s likely, two of whom (a PhD and a therapist who specializes in neurodivergence) formally diagnosed me with ADHD. But this wasn’t seen as “good enough” for the third (a psych NP and PsyD) to fully diagnose me to prescribe me anything. I’m considered a “complicated case” because I was good at school growing up, have a trauma history, and have a history of depression, an eating disorder, and likely autism (also diagnosed by the same neurodivergence specialist, but that wasn’t good enough I guess to have it on my medical record). But here I am, having spent thousands at this point in copays, therapy for behavioral interventions, medications to treat other issues to “rule them out,” and various assessments. Thousands most people don’t have. Thousands that could be tens of thousands for the uninsured. And this most recent assessment? It involved a test that literally CANNOT differentiate between ADHD and other forms of cognitive and attention deficit, such as depression.

ADHD is a clinical diagnosis. I don’t mean that there is never a place for neuropsychology, but in the psychiatric world that my family is part of (note: dad is a psychiatrist; sister is in residency to soon be a board certified attending psychiatrist too), it’s not a hard diagnosis to make based on a structured clinical interview. (Even my therapist, the PhD, who has not just taught but been a DEAN, agrees- she is frustrated with me).

Why are we gatekeeping this diagnosis so heavily? Why is there such a strong assumption that people malinger to get an ADHD diagnosis and access to the scheduled drugs they need to participate in society? Why, when we have research that shows that ADHD is a huge risk factor for actual illicit drug use, abuse, and SUDs? You know what happens when you treat individuals who you clinically diagnose with ADHD? Rates of illicit drug use, drug abuse, and SUDs go down. Not up.

I’m just mad about it all.

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

actually I’m moving this to a new post because fuck it

okay so I finally looked at the reply, and

Even though there is no good way to prepare for a  neuropsychological evaluation, other than to get a good night sleep and  avoid feeling hungry, it is not unusual to feel as though you could have  done something more. In regards to the self-assessment tests you took  on-line, research has demonstrated that some of them result in high  false positive rates, which decreases the validity of the results (Sara  Jones, Maria Johnson, et al Autism Research and Treatment; Bram Sizoo,  EH Horowitz, et al Autism journal).  Other psychiatric diagnoses besides  autism can result in elevated scores on these self-tests.  Neurocognitive discrepancies and deficiencies frequently associated with  autism were not part of your pattern of test results. As I mentioned in  the report  you have symptoms consistent with autism but there isnt enough to reach  the severity of an autism diagnosis. The results in my opinion are more  accurately described by social anxiety, ADHD, and a persistent anxious  mood disturbance. I appreciate your desire to better understand yourself  and the test results and hope you are also able to discuss these  questions with your therapist as well.

a) maybe I’m overly sensitive (...fine, I’m almost certain I’m overly sensitive) but this feels patronizing b) part of my entire point in sending self-test results and discussing additional things that didn’t come up in the interview was to point out, hey, I have potentially new information that didn’t come up in the interview so maybe the evaluation should be reconsidered, at least a little bit, in light of that new information? and this basically sounds like “no, I’ve already decided your social difficulties are based on anxiety and new information doesn’t affect that because the cognitive tests don’t indicate autism.”

in some ways, I don’t know, maybe I shouldn’t find this upsetting because it’s not like they came back saying I’m neurotypical, they did confirm the ADHD so that’s something, especially because it's been pretty destabilizing the way my prescriber has always been kind of half-hearted about it (”yeah you fit the criteria but also it’s not a severe case, everybody forgets things sometimes, hmm wait you’re not responding to stimulant meds so maybe it’s not ADHD after all and I should change my diagnosis, idk”). and since there’s so much symptom overlap between ADHD, anxiety, and autism, maybe it shouldn’t matter that I only have a diagnosis for two of the three.

but it feels like--if it’s social anxiety, it’s on me to fix it. I have to work on it, and expose myself more, and put myself out there, and do exhausting shit that kind of makes me want to cry just thinking about it, and maybe if I work hard enough and burn myself out learning every social cue ever, I’ll eventually stop fucking up and manage to be normal, and maybe friends will stop ghosting me. I’m sure the healthier way to look at that is that it’s fixable and I should feel empowered to do something about it, but I don’t, I just feel exhausted and overwhelmed because I’m being asked to do something I don’t have the energy to do.

if I’m autistic, I’m...never going to be normal. I have to mask in certain settings, but the healthiest thing is to not mask as much as possible, to try to be authentic, whatever that ends up meaning. That’s...not necessarily good, because as I understand it a lot of people only like the mask, but at least that might mean it’s not my fault that people keep ghosting me, you know?

I don’t know, I’m probably looking at this all wrong because I just do that, because at this point my brain is so fucking rewired by depression I don’t know how to fix that either, but it feels like if it’s all social anxiety, any problems I have are my fault unless I put in the effort to fake everything, using energy I don’t have...whereas if I’m autistic, at least then maybe it’s not my fault, maybe I’m not already automatically wrong because it’s just how I am.

oh. and I did cancel my appointment with my prescriber. but I for sure do need to reschedule that one, because unlike my therapist I have her assistant actually calling back to arrange rescheduling something, plus you know I need to keep having appointments to keep refilling my prescriptions. only I still don’t want to. and I don’t really want to reschedule with my therapist either. probably I need to find a new therapist but just the thought of starting that process also makes me want to cry, so that’s not super great either

[numetaljackass]

I hate how rapidly and intensely my mood shifts like

I can literally go from 0 to 100 and then back to 0 within an hour or two. And it’s exhausting. It sucks too because like -- I get it from other people’s perspectives too. I get why I’m hard to be around sometimes and am even harder to live with. But also like, I don’t want to be like. None of this is fun. Like literally if I could exchange my brain or do something to make it NOT my worst enemy? I’d do it in a heartbeat. I’d give anything to not feel like this.

Realistically I know I need to see a psychiatrist because it’s Very Clearly just. Something that’s wired wrong in my brain. but like. Literally the One time I went to a psych for this exact issue (YEARS AGO) she just was like. Yeah you probably have a personality disorder. But then prescribed me a medication that fucked me up so bad I just never went back. But things have also gotten so much worse since then, along with other new symptoms that genuinely scare the Fuck out of me and like. Idk. This very much is Not how brains are supposed to work.

It scares me too, because all of this is so hard for me to be talk about. And yeah I joke about being crazy but also, Clinically Diagnosed Crazy feels so much worse. Then there’s the underlying fear that if I told a psych or whoever exactly what I feel 24/7 I’d just get committed. Which may be unrealistic but like, that thought terrifies me. And idk how to explain it but also the thought of having a label for everything feels like I’ll somehow be Outed as “insane” which is also unrealistic. Plus the fact that literally anyone who spends a prolonged period of time with me already knows these shifts in mood and other shit aren’t normal. Idk. There’s just so much fear there. To the point where fear is honestly the only consistent emotion I ever feel.

This is genuinely the biggest interference to my quality of life and it sucks. Like, I have so many reasons I should be happy but I’m Not. And along with that comes the guilt of knowing there are literally so many people that have it worse, and yet I’m wasting my life being miserable. And I beat myself up constantly like ‘you’re literally the only person stopping you from being happy’ but also it’s just. Literally how my brain works. And saying ‘I can’t help it’ feels like one gigantic cop out but I also literally did not choose this. And sometimes these lows get so bad that I feel like a genuine danger to myself and that’s also not how I want to spend the rest of my life. 

Idk man. I don’t want to be a drugged up zombie but I also don’t want to feel like This anymore. And sometimes I feel like maybe feeling nothing would be better than feeling literally every single emotion possible within the span of a few hours. I’m just tired of feeling like I’m fighting a losing battle with my own head. So maybe it’s something to look in to when my new insurance kicks in. Idk. For now tho I will just keep trucking along I guess  

[zaiban2989]

Talking about migraines (long post)

From my new friend Jessica: 

hi! 🙌 thanks a bunch for writing back! ☺️yes, triptanes are strong medications. however, they ARE specifically for migraines.I live in Germany. seven triptanes are licensed here (Almotriptan, Eletriptan, Frovatriptan, Naratriptan, Rizatriptan, Sumatriptan and Zolmitriptan). here you can get Almotriptran, Naratriptan, Rizatriptan and Sumatriptan without a prescription. I’m living very close to Poland where you can get Almotriptane without a prescription.since I don’t know where you live, I don’t know what the rules are in your country. But it ought to be possible to find out which ones you could buy off the counter. here in Germany, a doctor first has to diagnose that you really have migraines and not just severe (cluster) headaches. then you are allowed to buy the triptanes in a pharmacy on your own.it must also be clarified that there are no contraindications such as inadequately treated high blood pressure, coronary heart disease, angina pectoris, a history of heart attack, strokes, pregnancy, breastfeeding, severe liver or kidney insufficiency or the likes.

I have found that Naratriptane and Rizatriptane work best for me. the first time I had a migraine attack was back in 2010, when I also had it with an aura and slight paralysis of the left side (face + left arm). it went away again after half an hour or a whole hour. I can’t remember exactly anymore. it actually took a very, very long time before I really understood that I was getting migraine headaches. as soon as I had clarified this with the doctor, I first tried novamine sulfone because a former colleague at work recommended it to me. but that didn’t help me at all. after another visit to the doctor, I was prescribed Rizatriptan. they helped, even though I hated the first preparation (I took it orally and let it melt in my mouth). I found it incredibly disgusting because it tasted sweet, and that wasn’t my thing at all. when I got one with a menthol flavor because they didn’t have the actual product, it was easier for me to tolerate. then I found out that Rizatriptan is also available to swallow, and I ended up sticking with that. I also take Naratriptan to swallow. that works best for me. after a quick search, I read that you can even get Sumatriptan as a spray for the nose!as you can see, there are lots of options here. unfortunately, there is a bit of trial and error involved and I understand that you don’t want to be dependent on them. the disadvantage that I have noticed for myself with them is the first drink or the first meal after taking the medication. for me personally, this moment is difficult to explain what is happening in my body. it’s a similar process to when you bite on something sour. without the sourness. it feels as if my head, and especially my throat, is “rattling” at this moment. to be honest, it sounds much worse than it actually is. this feeling also goes away very quickly because, thanks to the triptanes, I no longer have these pounding, throbbing headaches and I’m no longer so nauseous. but since they are strong medications, you also get a bit tired after taking them. at least that’s how I’ve felt over the last few months. but that could also be because I have a very, very bad sleeping schedule x’D Bakugo would CRUCIFY me if he knew that 😜

other than the triptanes, there’s also a balm called Tiger balm. the smell is strong but minty which I like very much. you can use it if you feel your muscles are very tensed. Tiger balm stimulates blood circulation. at first it feels cold (because of the menthol), but for me personally it a very pleasant feeling. disadvantages, if you consider them as such, could be that it stings the eye a little bit when you apply the Tiger balm to the temple. the skin will be a little sensitive afterwards when you wash it. for me personally, however, it is bearable.here’s the Wikipedia-page for a quick overview: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tiger_Balm

when I could (usually when I was alone in the office where I worked), I turned off the lights, as much as possible, and tried to continue to work. I opened the windows to get fresh air in. when I was home, I operated in the dark as much as possible, too. and stayed in bed. the usual go-to treatment.

it’s the third or fourth time I’m reading through your reply and I only realize now that you even end up in the hospital because of your migraines. holy shit that’s horrible. Do they help you there? is it okay to elaborate it a bit? if you don’t want to, that’s totally fine! I’m very, very sorry to read it, though.

I’ve never heard about the “migraine relief” music on youtube. can you search for them using these two words?

I’m not sleeping enough, that could be one of the reasons I get them 😝 the thing is, I could assume that there are many things contributing to migraines. in my case, I think, it’s the bad quality of my sleeping. it’s a genetic thing because one of my sisters has them, too. my mom had them, especially when she was still getting her periods. my hormonal balance is absolutely whack. over the last two or two and a half years, they were horrible, and I got them almost every day. but that was because of the absolute horror I had to endure at work. so emotional stress and pain that turn into physical stress and pain are also a huge, huge contributor to migraines. my former boss fired me, and honestly? that’s the absolute best that could’ve happen to me. so right now, I’m healing from this, and my body feels it, too.

after sending you my ask, I read through ba9go’s one shot. I think it’s not bad per se, Bakugo actually felt really in character. And it was very sweet to read that he was caring for reader, in his very Bakugo-way. but when I read it, I couldn’t shake off the feeling that it was more like they were describing a normal headache. since I always had this nausea as a side effect to these headaches, I’m not entirely sure I simply always got migraines or if nausea is a normal side effect for “normal” headaches. I could also be that I’m too critical so I’m sorry for being too harsh 🙊

migraines are one – if not THE most – widespread disease, and yet it’s somewhat baffling that it’s hard for some to understand what tremendous efforts you need to summon in order to survive a day or more with them. so yeah, I feel it 😔

either way, I hope you’re feeling a bit better now. I wish that you get healthier days as well ❤️💕❤️ much love!

are we going first names now? hi I’m Jessica 😝 lovely to speak to you! have an amazing day!

=============================================================

My answer (as equally long lol):

Heya Jessica! 🤭(hehe yeah def first name basis, it’s totally fine with me!) Also no worries about the “novel”, it honestly made me smile so much to see such a long reply! I’m just sorry it took me days to answer back (unfortunately I’m quite terrible when it comes to taking the time to write back - hope you won’t mind too much (that, and also the last few days have just been plain bad with sinusitis still kicking in and giving me that horrible pain in my entire right face sigh)

Like I said, never actually heard of Triptans before, so that’s so great to finally find out about it from you. I’m in Mauritius and let’s just say the way they handle medications stock here is just poor (often out of stock medication like nose spray or allergy pills or other things like this) - so I am pretty certain they don’t even have triptans, but I will certainly ask for it the next time I head to a pharmacy.

And yes, I figured that antecedents like high BP or diabetes or other health issues like this, since the chemical seems to be really “extreme”. Then again, I might just speak to my GP before even checking with the pharmacy because so far, I know that my migraines are mostly caused by my cervical issues. My mother too had migraines in the past so it might be hereditary in a way, but from what I remember from hers compared to mine, it just does not feel the same at all. Also my eyesight is not the best, so when I do work on laptop and phone for too long (even with my anti-blue light glasses) my eyes tend to strain too much, which also causes headaches. If I don’t take something for it right away it kind of escalates into a migraine eventually.

I’m actually super interested into the nose spray version you mentioned, I definitely need to check if they have this here - because with the sinusitis, I’m just guessing it would help a lot more, you know? Also yessss about tiger balm! We have it here and I do use it! Lately I’ve been mixing it with Vix into boiling water for inhalation. The steam burns my face like hell and it’s just plain horrible when you take a breath in with your mouth because you feel like choking but by god it’s effective when you actually manage to breathe through the nose. I actually feel it going through my nostrils up to my head. It’s hard to explain but if you’ve ever done inhalation I’m sure you’ll get what I’m trying to say lol

I was laughing so hard at your paragraph about your sleeping habits and how Katsuki would crucify you because my brain just instantly screamed “SAME!” lol It’s definitely linked to the quality of life you have (mine is all over the place as well - although since the beginning of this week I am TRYING to better it) and yes hormonal imbalance can definitely be a trigger for it (maybe you should check if you have PCOS as well? I actually am going to see an endocrinologist in October for this because well, on top of the migraines, I’m having a lot of other bothersome issues with my body, so I just want to make sure).

And OMG about the paralysis, I am SO SORRY this happened to you, Jesus😱. Same for the fact that you suffered from those migraines for years everyday, that’s just the worse. Kudos to you for healing now that you’re no longer in a stressful environment. Have you tried doing yoga? Even the simple one like meditation on a daily basis can help. I’m currently following what’s called “Somatic Yoga”, it’s absolutely gentle breathing, movements, just 10-15 mins every morning and honestly? Besides Tuesday night (because I had a really tiring day) and yesterday morning, I’ve actually been feeling more energised and actually “good” enough to go through the days without feeling like I’m wasting my life away in bed and wanting to sleep the entire day.

Migraines at work are just the worst. I would just ask for the rest of the day off and go home (or straight to the clinic if it was already too bad) because it was just impossible for me to stay and work. Especially because I always used to work in open-spaced office. But I’m now working from home with my own schedule since I own my start-up with my husband (will tell you more about it another time since i’m also writing a novel at this point lmao), so now I just hide in the bedroom with the blinds closed, icepack behind the neck, sometimes a cold eye mask over the face as well, and yes the youtube music! You can just type “migraine relief music” and you’ll find some, but here is the link to the ones I use:

3Hr Soothing Headache, Migraine, Pain and Anxiety Relief - Gentle Waterfall | Delta Binaural ASMR

Instant Migraine Headache Relief Pure Binaural Beats | Stress Relief | VASTU Binaural Beats #11

Tension Headache Relief Deep Relaxation with Delta Wave Isochronic Tones

It’s best if you actually have a sound system other than your phone or laptop because you need the audio to be rather loud so you can actually hear the waves. It’s a bit overwhelming at first, but once you’re in the dark with your eyes closed and just focusing on the beat itself, it starts to work. At least for me (though not always).

My mum or my hubby also rubs oil in my hair to give me a head massage when it hurts too much. That’s also a good way to get relief quickly, and it just makes me groggy so I sleep afterwards.

And yes, I do go to the clinic when it gets really really bad. I used to go often actually, less now, because I just try to handle the pain as much as possible, but last week was just impossible. So when I go to the ER, because (most of) the doctors know me there, they usually know what to give me immediately. I’m in as much darkness as possible, and they strap an IV to me, usually with the catheter in my hand (the needle hurts as hell😭) and gives me a mix of paracetamol, medicine for nausea and electrolytes - since I’m often dehydrated because of the migraine as well. If I suffer from neck and shoulder pain at the same time, they also add an anti-inflammatory (but I suffer from gastritis as well so they’re careful with the amount they give me) and also a muscle relaxant. Then I get a prescription for some meds to take at home if need be for the next five days or so. It really depends on what caused the migraine.

As for the OS from ba9go, I had the same feeling. But I mean, they were sweet enough to actually write something for me, which was already HUGE for me tbh, so I don’t exactly want to be too critical over it. I actually do write myself (a lot about Katsuki) but I’m just well, feeling weird about posting, and extremely self conscious lol Like I’d love to make a side blog only for the writing like those bakugou x reader tag I see everywhere but well I wouldn’t even know where to begin. (Actually wrote one short story about my OC (or me) suffering from migraine and having Katsuki react to it, so yeah)

ANYWAYS! 🤣💜

This was as much as a long ass post as yours, so you see, definitely no need to apologise about it in the first place lol

I too wish you feel better and feel free to DM me if you want to chat (though like I said, I’m very slow to answer - but I do answer) and if you have any ask or anything else to ask me, please do! It really makes me happy to hear from you, Jessica! 🥰🥰

Take good care, sending love and hugs!

Zaï.

[tomschoolwork]

I get to overanalyze Marsha Thankk You for the Dialectics, But I Need You to Leave

Starting off, it overall is a song written in three different perspectives. That of an older figure who doesn’t believe in certain mental health conditions, a younger person who’s mental health is deteriorating, and lastly a mental health care professional, who seems to not take their patient too seriously. For now I will call them the Guardian, the Patient, and the Doctor.

The Guardian

The Guardian’s perspective is the most prolific, their voice and perspective being heard the most. When seeing the younger person who doesn’t know how to take care of themself as they once were able to, the Guardian simply tells them that they’re only sick because they want to be, with lines like “They could prescribe you any illness you'd like if you define the terms of your ailments.” That is the very opening of the song. When they don’t see their (seemingly child) getting better, they scold them, stating their own ideals with what seems to be malice, saying “Cause back in my day we didn't need no feel-good pills and no psychiatrists. No, we just drank ourselves to death, and god damn it, we liked it.” In a way, saying they’d rather in a way drown out their troubles via killing themself than suffer. At the end of every chorus, it’s the voice of the Guardian listing something that is implied they witnessed, or even went through. They listed bleeding out in their bathtub, lobotomies, shock therapy and “mad scientists” before saying that they’re just wasting their breath even mentioning the topic. This is made to mimic the perspective of those looking into the song from an outside perspective. When looking in, Marsha is seen as unhinged, it’s odd, it’s self-pitying, and it’s a cry for help, or a cry for attention to some. Somebody who aligns with the Guardian's perspective is probably likely to see something unnerving and ignore it, or suppress their feelings. It's easier to ignore what's happening than to acknowledge the uncomfortable, and the Guardian's perspective in Marsha highlights that.

The Patient

The Patient is a person who’s mental state is deteriorating to the point that they are losing their sense of self, because all they know is what they’re going through. When they cry for help, they are still not as heard as their doctor, or the figure telling them it’s all in their head. These two figures have more lines in the song than the person suffering in the first place. “Disease is in the eye of the beholder.” They say to their doctor, trying to convince the Doctor and themself that it’s possible to recover. They want to get better, but they have no faith in their recovery. The Patient is willing to change anything about themself to try and get better somehow, when all they know is their diagnosis, ridicule and trips to their doctor. “If our harmonies don't sync, we can change our voices. A chorus on condition of our diagnosis.” This perspective is one of the fans. There is some talk online about how WW’s songs tend to relate with the mentally ill, WW himself being open about his experience with being diagnosed with Bipolar personality disorder. It's one begging to be heard, and begging to know what it takes to be considered normal, to be healthy. Somebody who aligns with the Patient may look into the song and feel seen. They'll try to conform while trying to be recognized. To those who see themself in the Patient, Marsha may feel a bit sad, or they may feel better with being recognized.

The Doctor

With the second most lyrics, all they do is ridicule the patient, asking a few questions that tend to be asked in therapy, but warped in a way, saying “you-dentity” instead of identity. The Doctor is also heard saying the Patient is just a character, rather than a person. “You're not your thoughts, you're not your brain. You're just the character you've made.” The Doctor speaks coldly, and doesn’t diagnose the Patient. They look at the actions of the Patient, saying they(the Patient) would rather prefer to “flip through old issues of People” over getting better, completely disregarding everything the Patient cried out for help with. And after this, the Doctor just brushes them off with, “Well that’s our time, see you next week.” and with that, the song ends. The Doctor mimics the perspective of the analysts. They read into the wrong things, and try to understand every little detail of the words spoken, rather than the deeper meaning, and the true issue underneath. When only looking at the surface, you miss everything that happens beneath it. People who align with the Doctor need to stop trying to find deeper meanings, and Marsha may just look like another puzzle to answer.

But also WW has said all songs are up to interpretation, so maybe I’m just crazy.

[yourghastlycloseness]

feel kind of seen in the video on BPD i was watching: https://youtu.be/6TS4d-zqRFA?feature=shared

i’ve been thinking about my emotional turbulence and lack of emotional regulation. the smallest things make me want to die. i just lose my shit all the time. one cup gets stuck inside another and i burn myself with hot water and hit myself in the face because how stupid must i be to allow something like that to happen? but im high functioning and i set the cup outside in hot water so that it expands and fill the cup inside with iced water so that it contracts and i manage to separate the two cups in the end. im high functioning but the cracks are there. people who see it can feel something’s off. i lose it at objects and at strangers. i try to exercise more control with the people in my life such that talking to people makes me feel like dying because whatever they’re getting isn’t who i am at all. i hate all my friends. i see the good in them. i’d rather be without them. but then what if i die of loneliness? fuck that, if there’s one thing i can take, it’s loneliness. i set up “tests” to see how much people want me in their lives. when they pass, i think they’re lying. when they fail, i think, good riddance. i don’t give a shit what anyone says but then one day im at the grocery store and i catch sight of my awful appearance in the mirror and i think about what that one friend said 20 years ago and how i’m probably the most incompetent person alive and i would shoot myself there and then

the point is i think the doctor misdiagnosed me a few years back with bipolar II. i had suggested to him that what i have is likely BPD, but he insisted that it was a mild bipolar (he did acknowledge that it was possible i had both) and proceeded to prescribe me a whole chunk of meds, some of them in the photo below. another one prescribed me 6 months worth of lexapro and an appointment just as much later bcos i had been in high spirits when i saw him and said i probably recovered—that’s just me talking out of my ass on a “good” day—the next day i crashed and burned and wanted to die again

im sick of the ups and downs. it’s exhausting

another therapist i had said a diagnosis. but im here watching all this content and while im by no means qualified to self-diagnose, i do think putting a name to what you have (accurately) makes it seem like there’s hope, things can be resolved

if you ever see those demonic possession horror movies, the first thing the priest does is to name the demon or whatever, and from there, they’re able to strategise the exorcism. in those scenes where the exorcism doesn’t go well, it’s usually revealed that the priest or the exorcist named the wrong demon. naming something correctly is so impt

with the ppl who don’t have mental illness, i think they just want me to “get over it”. with the ppl who understand that mental illness might be a thing, they think just going to a doctor or a therapist magically cures everything. to the mental health professional, i’m just another woman in my 20s crying for help, seeking validation, and riding the waves of the mental health awareness movement. yknow, just being trendy ✨

i don’t want to live anymore because every single fucking thing hurts. nobody cares about me. nobody chooses me. someone talked about watching an animal get killed and then eating it and i just couldn’t stop crying. yet i would probably stab a stranger on the streets with no regrets. it’s not even that i want to kill or hurt someone: i just need confirmation that the world i’m living in is real. maybe get beat up and murdered in prison or executed by law, whatever. put an end to this. i dont know what i feel anymore all i know is that i have no energy for any of it and if i feel anything it’s just false joy, then pain and anger

[eligalilei]

More Extensive Redditversations on Psychtogenesis:

Person A:

Truthfully, APs are really only effective in treating hallucinations. They don’t treat much else. No pill is going to stop you from holding a fixed false belief in the face of all contrary evidence.

My psychiatrist won’t even prescribe APs if you don’t hallucinate. Maybe a low dose of seroquel Person B:

Idk about that, maybe to some degree but I was out here thinking skin walkers were real, in an alternate reality, while they showed up as anything here, there they looked like shadow creatures that took control of people’s bodies. I was the prophet of that reality who couldn’t be touched by them, while I could telepathically speak with anyone and any living organism. Including god, zeus, animals, etc.

It wasn’t until I was on my way to my PO’s office, I was talking to all of them, but specifically one, he was the devil, I was Jesus, came to an agreement to work together, only for me to betray him by speaking with the others and discovering we were just schizophrenics that need meds, and as the realization came, all the people in my head left, leaving just me and “the devil”, who turned out to be my brother. Then it was a matter of getting him help, him being a long term user of fentanyl and others, was in rehab. He didn’t want to get help, we were in a shared psychosis. Only to finally discover after several weeks of investigating when it was only him and I in my head, that it was actually me who was the voice in my head, and it had begun to just say what I was already thinking but before I would. Eventually getting to the point where it just makes comments about what’s going on, sometimes it’s nice other times it’s an asshole, all depends.

Without the meds though I don’t think my beliefs would have changed, or that any of the revelations would have come. I easily could have been the guy sitting on a corner talking to myself for days, but thanks to the meds, I’m back to pretty much how I was. No more delusions, and I’m back in this reality. Able to decipher what’s real and what’s not, it’s nice.

If I stop taking them though, would I create another alternate reality for myself? Fixed beliefs, that I can’t change on my own? Me: That's a delusional complex with hallucinatory elements. They're talking about delusion by itself, which maybe APs will help somewhat, but basically only at the point where thought has been eliminated. Person B:

I like that explanation. I don’t understand the last sentence in the sense of, do you mean all thoughts are eliminated, or certain thoughts in particular.

I have thoughts that are almost impulsively thought that are delusional, but am able to blow the thought off as quickly as it came. When I was delusional, all those thoughts were put on the table as a possibility.

Would it be the meds that are helping me block the delusions, or is it me just becoming better at differentiating? Genuine question btw, you seem nice and knowledgeable.

extra banter I’ve only been back to “normal” for a few months and don’t know anything about SZA other than there’s delusions, hallucinations are involved (sometimes?), and my psychiatrist thinks I have it (although hasn’t diagnosed). I guess there’s a sort of test or something that they perform to determine if you have it or not? Idk.

extra extra banter Never really talked to anyone about it, was just forced to take meds(if I didn’t take them they brought a needle out and it was either I was going to take them or I was getting it injected forcibly lol)

Any insight would be nice when you’ve got the time and if you’d like to give some, I’d like to learn more about it rather than just the the things I mentioned above. I’d really like to stop meds because of side effects, but am worried I’d slip back into a psychosis. Me:

I was being cynical, tbh, and suggesting that, and experiences tend to bear this out, neuroleptics work by reducing thoughts... which is kind of true, but it's both the same and different as another way in which AP action is explained: via the dampening of one's experience of, and procedure for assigning, valence. What this means, basically, is that they make things seem less significant or urgent. This fits with your experience of having odd thoughts, but being able to dismiss them.

One way to fit these two ideas together, is to consider how 'valence', or significance ('salience' is another word that's often used), operates on conscious and unconscious levels. The suppression of conscious valence is experienced as having a, possibly 'psychotic', thought, and just not investigating it or investing in it to produce a series of spinoffs and sequels, as might happen in psychosis.

But valence/significance/importance/energy/salience is a property of, or at least is a concept which can be expanded upon and used to describe by analogy, all manner of mental phenomena. There's presumably a constant murmur of unconscious 'maybe' thoughts clamoring for the ear of the conscious mind, which is itself not fully situated in it (Freud call this domain the 'preconscious', and others have called it 'subconscious' in contrast with the 'unconscious.' In other contexts it is referred to as or related to the function of the 'censor', which selects and edits information on its way to the conscious/ego). The greater the volume of any of these unconscious voices, and/or the more 'interested' the conscious mind is, the more likely it becomes that it produces, or is encoded in, a thought that is experienced.

Of course, what occurs in the domain of consciousness is fed back into the unconscious, and is amplified and split into more more murmurs, which may or may not make their way into awareness. We could think about psychosis as a runaway feedback loop rapidly accelerating and expanding in content due to the volume and quantity of unconscious murmurs-become-shouts, the relaxed indiscretion of the preconscious censor (that usually rejects or suppresses potentially problematic tangents), to whom everything suddenly feels important, and the excitation of the conscious ego under the sway of this rapidly proceeding tempest of exciting mental happenings.

On some level, at least in some kinds of psychosis, what we're experiencing is a very unstable and disordered excitement due to everything seeming just so damn important or significant. And if something feels significant (though actually for no good reason besides brain stuff), other parts of the brain will run off and figure out 'why' it is significant, based on nothing but the all-too-enthusiastic assumption that it is.

Instead of evaluating phenomena, and the assignation of importance being largely under the power of the conscious or processes with which consciousness and society are largely comfortable, it's like importance sneaks in at an odd intermediary step, and things, due to one's being complacently accustomed to shit making sense, start to run backwards in an attempt to maintain a feeling of coherence.

Seen thusly, the delusions, or rather the rejection of, or failure to attain, 'insight', are, in fact, a way to maintain sanity: the fundamental delusion underpinning all particular delusions is the idea that the mind (or in traumagenic psychoses, the world) is still working correctly. This is why the 'insight criterion' (of delusion, or, for some people, psychosis itself, though I see that as being a bit heavy handed) developed: it's only a delusion if you believe it. That is, in fact, only part of the picture, the entirety of which you might be able to guess from here, and that I won't begin to render, since this is already getting a bit long, and I may still have to add more without even going on that tangent.

There are tons of more biochemically oriented theories of antipsychotic action, though none of them are really very totally confirmed. Most of them, though, relate to a reduction of some kind of activity, and comport pretty well with the ideas in the above sketch. While this is kind of my own spin, the general idea is referred to in psychology as the 'aberrant salience' theory of psychosis.

As far as what's happening in your mind goes, I think we can look at it both ways and a sort of third halfway one based on the above (we can call one the 'unconscious' understanding of cause, one the 'conscious learning' model, and the third a kind of 'cybernetic' or 'pseduo-psychoanalytic one):

Salience is being suppressed on multiple levels, which leads to fewer and less intense thoughts,

and now, knowing that you've been through psychosis, you no longer uncautiously receive the phenomena issuing from your unconscious mind with open arms and a set of keys to your car.

In a sort of hybrid of the two, we might say that decreased salience allows you to re-establish a 'normal' relationship between conscious and unconscious mind by reinstalling brakes on the feed-forward process of salience-driven, backwardsly-working, enthusiasm which uncritically meets the demands for extraordinary causes made by your extraordinary feelings. As salience ceases to be injected in large doses at an 'unnatural' stage of thought production (or noögenesis; isn't that a cool word?), though the thoughts you once thunk remain, they become compared with those constructed under 'normal' conditions, and may eventually be seen as the grotesqueries they may be.

That said, once a thought has been established as true, a drug is not going to make you not believe it, especially if it's one that has become especially important to you. They aren't going to just make you think different things. I am of the unpopular conviction that another person can often stand in for one's own ego in the journey back to sanity. ....but if you're seeing fucking dragons all the fuck over and feel like your limbs are about to fall off? Well, uh, it's just kind of hard to argue with that. Probably maybe take a pill and see if you'll make better decisions when not besieged by a menagerie of mythical monsters.

So, I mean, I was being a little overcynical about APs not helping delusions. They can re-establish a neurological environment that can make it easier for you to soberly reflect on them, and they can prevent the production of new ones, but often at the cost of mostly just getting rid of everything interesting in your brain. Sometimes that's a cost worth paying, or it need only be a temporary sacrifice.

Plus, therapy and hand-holding is financially and emotionally expensive. Pills and padded rooms are cheap low maintenance 'solutions' to the problem, though they only sometimes succeed in so being. Pills do have a place, plus, they may sometimes prevent the further propagation of actually toxic pathological perniciousness, though that hasn't been established to be universally true. In my (actually only somewhat) humble opinion, one of the best ways to establish whether this is true in any given case, is that of determining whether the pills seem to be necessary, and whether you actually feel better taking them. Some do, and some don't, find either or both true.

There's still more I could say on the last point, but I'm trying not to pontificate excessively, and this has already become rather an epistle. If you want more such nonsense, feel free to ask.

[ghostlyfleur]

hi angel! this might be a weird question and in absolutely no way do you have to answer if if you don’t want to, but I’ve heard you talk about fibromyalgia on here before and I was just wondering what are your main symptoms? and how did you find out you had it? I’ve been having health problems for a while now and I’ve been to the doctor about it, he said it could be fibro or it could be more to do with my mental health. it’s hard because I’ve read online that there are so many symptoms of fibro which makes it really difficult to know if I have it or not! obviously the doctor is the expert but I’d really like to hear from someone who actually experiences it! again, you don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to, there’s absolutely no pressure! thank you, have a lovely day/night! xx

hi love!

it’s not weird at all, i’m always open to talking about it.

okay, listen, i first started having symptoms back in 2017 when i turned 19 — excruciating leg pains whenever i went outside and walked somewhere (so bad my leg/legs would give out sometimes), really and joint pains whenever it got colder, my jaw started clicking if i opened my mouth (and jaw pains). and yeah, nineteen is really young for fibromyalgia, since it’s usually a condition you develop in your forties, but i was just lucky like that i guess /jk

i went online to google my symptoms and came across fibromyalgia, so what i did next what read up on it and found a checklist of the main pain spots that are used to achieve a diagnosis:

i believe you must check at least 5-8 of these tender spots, and again, with my luck, i checked all of them. a rheumatologist will press on these points during a physical and you’ll let them know which hurt and how much (or they’ll see you flinching from the pain too lol)

for a diagnosis, they will give you mane test to get done first. we don’t know what causes fibro nor do we have a cure, so the way they do it is by ruling out every other possibility and by checking the tender spots.

it’s tough, it takes a while, and truly if you get a diagnosis they’ll prescribe some anti depressants (which i was already on at the time) and besides that? not much. you have to learn how to handle your own pain and what helps or doesn’t (like hot water bottles or hot showers or a change in diet to help with inflammation)

i’ve been diagnosed for about five years and still struggle. that doesn’t really go away… so i just learned how to manage as best as i could and learned things to avoid.

ALSO! it’s important to note that fibro and depression go hand in hand in most cases! in my case, i’ve been on antidepressants since i was eight years old, so the fibro came after… but in lots of cases, if you do have fibro, it’s more than likely that depression and anxiety will follow. sadly. so a psychiatrist is important to help manage and to prescribe drugs that can help both the physical and the mental.

here are a few other symptoms that i have saved on my photos:

the checked ones on the second are from when i was figuring out whether i had it or not

does that answer your questions? let me know if you have any others! i’m sorry you’re going through this ♡

[bestneurologistinindore]

Seeking Excellence in Epilepsy Treatment: Exploring Neurologists

For efficient management of epilepsy, a neurological condition characterised by recurring seizures, competent medical care is necessary. People can find comfort in the knowledge of neurologists specialising in epilepsy therapy. This essay will examine the value of epilepsy care while concentrating on the knowledge of neurologists without endorsing any particular medical professionals.

Expertise in Epilepsy Management: Neurologists  that specialise in treating epilepsy have a wealth of expertise and experience in the diagnosis and management of this challenging ailment. They get thorough training and keep up with the most recent developments in epilepsy care, which enables them to offer thorough and individualised treatment programmes.

Accurate Diagnosis: Neurologists excel in correctly diagnosing epilepsy, which is one of their main advantages. They identify the kind, frequency, and underlying causes of seizures, assuring a suitable treatment strategy, through extensive physical examinations, in-depth medical histories, and cutting-edge diagnostic procedures.

Customized Treatment Plans: Neurologists understand that managing epilepsy calls for a tailored strategy. Based on the patient's age, seizure type, medical history, way of life, and preferences, they create customized treatment programmes.

Medicine Optimization: The cornerstone of therapy for epilepsy is medicine are adept at streamlining drug regimens. To manage seizures while limiting adverse effects, they prescribe and modify anti-seizure drugs.

Collaboration across disciplines: To provide complete care, neurologists frequently collaborate with other medical specialists such as neurosurgeons, psychiatrists, and epilepsy specialists. This interdisciplinary approach guarantees a comprehensive assessment of the patient's health, treats comorbidities that are present, and promotes their general wellbeing. So if you are looking for epilepsy treatment in Indore, you don’t need to worry about the expert who is working for your epilepsy treatment

In conclusion, neurologists who specialise in treating epilepsy are crucial to detecting and treating the illness, giving those who have it hope and a higher quality of life. These neurologists work to offer the finest care possible through their proficiency in precise diagnosis, personalised treatment plans, drug optimisation, interdisciplinary teamwork, and patient support.

So that’s all I this article, If you want to know more about how you can overcome your epilepsy problem consulting with a neurologist in Indore is best option for to get rid of this problem.

[onlyherefortheshowmances]

TW/CW: Suicidal ideation (without intent currently).

TL/DR:  I am trying to find a doctor anywhere in the state of Pennsylvania that accepts UPMC for You (medicaid) and is willing to at least try solve to my medical mystery. Preferably a family doctor with connections to a rheumatologist and possibly neurology and/or pain management. One that will actually listen and not give up and actually care that I'm in acute pain. I feel like my own body is trying to kill me. I have for a month or more. 

I want every single blood test you can do on a person. Every possible imaging study you can do. A sleep study. Another Holter monitor. LITERRALLY EVERYTHING because I am so tired of 'try this, try this' I want to know for sure exactly what is causing this.

At this point I just need a single doctor to either tell me I'm dying (which is what it feels like is happening) or one to tell me what's actually wrong and causing all this and how we can actually treat it while dealing with the immediate pain.

I'm tired of going to ERs every week. I'm tired of doctor's who are more afraid of the DEA than they are of their patient's dying. Because I don't want to wake up with this pain tomorrow morning. I cannot live life like this. 

This pain and the fact that no one in the medical field (other than my PT) seems to care about it at all. This pain that my current PCP respond to "I want someone to actually figure out what's wrong with me." by saying "We don't know." as if it is not literally her job to figure that out. I went through the entire appointment saying "What about the pain I'm in right now?" And all that happened was she took me off Lyrica which had side effects I couldn't deal with and prescribed Savella instead and told me to come back in a week once I titrate up to the correct dosage. What about that week? I don't have enough meds from the ER to last until next Tuesday ma'am. I was there on Saturday and they are legally only allowed to prescribe 3 days work of narcotics. He did give me 10 days worth of flexeril for which I'm grateful, but that on its own isn't enough, and my PCP won't give me anything at all. I literally told her my previous family doc only checked my TSH level not T3 or T4 (thyroid hormones). Did she order the additional tests? Has she ordered any tests at all in fact? NO. And she keeps saying insomnia when I tell her I have to take the oxy and flexeril to be able to sleep through the night. THAT'S NOT INSOMNIA. THAT IS ME BEING IN SO MUCH PAIN THAT I CAN'T SLEEP. At my appointment today I told her that almost every morning when I wake up in excruciating pain, I wish I wouldn’t’ve woken up at all; that death feels like a better option and that that thought scared me as someone with a history of suicidal ideation and attempts, and she literally did not care an ounce.

My Rheumatologist keeps trying to give me prednisone which DOES NOT WORK! And says take 2 Aleve twice a day. If Aleve worked for my pain do you think I would have been to the emergency room FOUR times since March 16th? I wouldn't have requested to see you sooner if Aleve did anything.

Not one person has cared about my sudden onset fatigue spells that keep getting more frequent to the point I'm hesitant to drive very far unless absolutely necessary because one of these times I'm gonna actually pass out. That's probably what it'll take for the medical professionals to care. Me falling asleep while driving. I think this may be POTS, because I also get random bouts of 'benign' tachycardia at the most random times.

They just keep slapping labels on things instead of just actually checking or even asking me half the time. I'm about 80% sure I have EDS, but apparently the closest person that will even test let alone diagnose someone over the age of 18 is in Philadelphia and I'd need a referral from my Rheumatologist to see that person.