#ellie needs therapy

[gethelpplease]

All the Pretty Stars (shine for you, my love)

Ellie x Reader

tags: fluff, stargazing, loser Ellie, cursing, best friends to lovers, one-shot, Loser!Ellie, Jackson!Ellie

synopsis: You and Ellie have been friends since she first came to Jackson. The moment you saw her, you knew she was special. Years later you suddenly realize you're in love with her. One day while stargazing, everything changes between the two of you.

Or: A fluffy fic with making out and a cute little forehead kiss at the end.

word count: 4.7k

AN: I might make a second part with angst. I'm not sure I just rlly wanna write Ellie angst but we'll see if I ever get the time to. School is taking over my life. Anyway, I posted this on ao3 too: All the Pretty Stars (shine for you, my love) by siriusly_not_moony

Enjoy! <3

The view of the stars in Jackson was the best thing anyone could ever see. Ever since the outbreak, there hasn’t been much light pollution outside of QZs. Meaning,1 there’s a good view almost anywhere else. This makes the view of the stars pretty clear, but Jackson has something everywhere else doesn’t have. Ellie Williams. Stargazing with her isn’t just “stargazing.”

Ellie first got to Jackson when she was fourteen, you remember very clearly. Seeing her for the first time quite literally knocked the breath out of you. You’d been in Jackson for a while before her, still adjusting to the new environment. Tommy had finally given into your pestering to improve your defense skills for patrol at 14. Maria never let you go of course, she said you needed more practice and maybe when you turned 16, she would let you. Once she let up, going on patrols with Tommy, Joel, and Ellie, made the pair of you closer. Your connection with Tommy is how you got to meet Ellie. Without him, you probably would have never approached her. He kept insisting you should talk to her, “She’s only a few weeks apart from you, Joel says she’s a good kid. Just talk to her.” “Kid, you need friends, just say hi.” “You know, Joel says she likes comics. Just like you.”

Meeting Ellie was confusing to describe it at best. She was kind, but very curt with all her responses. You almost felt as if she didn’t really care to get to know you. As for you, she was all you thought about since you first saw her.

Joel and Tommy were talking as the three of them walked down to the stables. You watched quietly as they got closer. Ellie stayed close to Joel, but a bit behind silently looking down, looking anywhere but the pair of brothers. It was obvious she felt a bit out of place. You honestly felt bad for her. She must not know anyone in Jackson yet, the only people she knows are grown adults.

They stopped near the open doors of the stables; you were in the first stall brushing Willow’s mane. She was your neighbor’s horse, but she liked you a lot for some reason.

You leaned against the stall door, “Hi.”

Ellie took a few seconds to turn around and see you, a straight look on her face, but her eyes. She has sad eyes. Beautiful, sad, green eyes. The eyes you want to stare at forever, to draw hundreds of times until it’s perfect. The eyes that put you in a trance when you see them up close. And those freckles.

Regret started to fill your stomach, but you pushed it back. You’re doing this for her, so she has a friend. Not because she’s the prettiest person you’ve ever seen. Her eyes were so mesmerizing. You’ve never seen eyes so hypnotizing. And they were looking at yours now. “Hi?”

“Oh,” You introduce yourself completely forgetting how social interactions go for a moment. “I—uh Tommy mentioned you’re about my age, I just wanted to introduce myself. I’ve only been in Jackson for about a year, so I know what it’s like to be new to it all. But, um, if you want a look around, I can show you?”

“Uh,” She looked back at Tommy and Joel. They were definitely into whatever it was they were talking about. You could see Ellie’s internal debate deciding if she should or shouldn’t accept your offer. “Sure.”

“Cool! I’m kind of still learning new things about this place every day. It’s kind of awesome how a place like this is growing and flourishing. It gives me hope you know?”

“Yeah.”

“So, where are you from?”

“Boston QZ.”

“Oh.” She seemed distracted. Or uninterested, who could tell? “So, what brought you here?”

She sighs, “It’s a long story. I came here with Joel. He was looking for Tommy. He found him now so…that’s that.”

You didn’t want to ask about that yet, it seemed a bit too sensitive for a first conversation. “This is the community garden. Some people grow their own stuff in their own yards for easy access, but this is the main source. We all help out here.”

You showed her around the most important parts of town. You found out she’s staying around the corner, just a minute's walk away. She cracked a smile once when you mentioned that almost everyone you knew would rather run into infected than listen to Seth drunkenly rant about his philosophical discoveries that make zero sense. You walked her back to her place after roughly less than an hour. You gave her directions to your place and said goodbye with a smile. The one you got in return made you weak to your knees.

After that first interaction, you didn’t speak for a couple of days before you saw her at the diner for breakfast. After that, you got breakfast together every day, which led to hanging out together. After a couple weeks of talking, you actually felt a really strong connection to her. She was your first real friend, and it was the best thing ever.

A couple years later, once Maria let you out on patrol, you convinced her to let you go with Ellie. And Joel and Tommy of course. She wouldn’t trust just the two of you alone. At this point, you spent most of your days with her. You got to know Joel too. You got to know just how sassy that man was despite his tough exterior. He was definitely Tommy’s brother.

Now, it was safe to say Ellie was your best friend. You two also made friends with Dina, Jesse, Cat, Riah, and Travis. You were also acquainted with a few others who you met through Dina. Meeting Dina really brought you out of your shell, and you can thank her for it. She’s the reason why you allowed yourself to become friends with other people. Dina was both yours and Ellie’s closest friend, besides each other. That’s why you came to Dina when you realized you were completely in love with Ellie. You knew you had a crush on her when the two of you had just started talking, but you were convinced it would go away. You pushed it back and kind of thought it did go away, but years later you now know that’s not the case. One day it just dawned on you that you were in love with her. One random, normal day.

You and Ellie were lying about on her bed. You found a bottle of alcohol on patrol and obviously brought it back. You two were drinking out of it just until you felt a buzz, not trying to get too drunk. Because of this, you two reached a somewhat dizzy and sleepy state. She was practicing a familiar tune on the guitar while you were sketching exactly what you saw. You both bonded over drawing, she was definitely better than you. She was always getting so much better so quickly. It was amazing. You were drawing the freckles on her face and that one distinct freckle on the top of her left cheek when you just started staring freely at her. She was distracted and you took the opportunity to just take in all of her features. In doing so, you got a dangerously strong feeling of butterflies in your stomach. You felt it first, and then a few beats later you realized what that meant. Your breath was suddenly gone.

Shit.

You sat up clenching your jaw trying to think straight for just one moment.

I’m in love with Ellie Fucking Williams…

In love. Love. God, this isn’t going to go away.

That night you slept beside her which was kind of a normal thing for the two of you. She slept soundly from what you could hear, but you stayed up for hours nervous and jittery. You only got a few hours of consistent sleep.

When you finally got the chance to tell Dina, she already knew of course. You told her about your “big realization,” but she said it was incredibly obvious from the very beginning. She even thought you and Ellie were dating before you two became friends with her.

She helped you come up with an outline on what to tell Ellie. It really shouldn’t be that difficult to talk about your feelings, but this is Ellie. Your best friend who you know is a bit emotionally constipated. You feel like even if there was a chance that she liked you back, she would never grant herself the ability to do anything about it. For someone so deserving, she never let herself be truly happy.

“You got this.” Dina grinned your way as she walked you to the door.

You spun quickly back towards her ready to go back to her bed and just talk to her instead of Ellie.

Dina grabbed your shoulders and turned you back to the door, literally kicking you out. “Nope. You’re doing this today. Trust me, it’ll work out.”

“No Dina, I really don’t think I can. If she turns me down, I will actually hide away forever. I’ll go throw myself into a horde of infected and it’ll be your fault.”

She lets out a long sigh and gives you a knowing look as you stand outside her door, “If you never do it you could be missing out on something really beautiful. At least try? You both deserve to be happy.”

You groan loudly. You agree with her of course, if the roles were reversed you would probably tell Dina the same thing. “Okay. I’ll do it, just give me a few days to prepare. I’ll talk to her sometime this week. I want to.”

“Yes you will.”

“Thank you Dina. I probably would have rotted in self-doubt without you. I’ll see you for dinner.”

“Bye Hun.” She gives you a small finger wave as you walk away.

After that conversation with Dina, you tried to keep your feelings for Ellie behind a curtain. The last thing you would want is to make things weird between you and her. You also noticed that knowing how you felt and continuing your friendship as normal was pretty tiring. You had to constantly think about every choice you made and every word you said. In a perfect world, you told her the moment you knew and she told you she liked you back. Too bad. This isn’t that world. Ellie is hard to read. Yeah, she smiles at you a lot, will stare at you when she thinks you don’t notice, and she’ll hold you or play with your hair when you guys watch movies. That’s being friendly. You kinda do some of those things with Dina? Despite your internal emotional battle, you told Dina you would tell Ellie. You’re not doing this for Dina though, you’re doing this for yourself. Going on pretending you’re not completely in love with Ellie would be too much.

It was a couple days later when got to spend the entire day with Ellie. Those days came rarely now. You love spending time with Ellie, so it wasn’t exactly a problem, but you definitely needed some time alone at the end of it all. You were laying down in an empty field behind one of the small playgrounds. The grass was a bit taller and uncomfortably itchy, so you had a sheet under you and your mini telescope lens Maria gave you for your 16th birthday. This was your spot to look at the stars at night. Ellie would usually go with you since she loves space too, but you didn’t tell her you were here this time. Because of that, you didn’t expect to hear footsteps approaching. Much less Ellie’s footsteps.

You sit up to look behind you, “What’re you doing here?”

“Tommy told me where you were.”

“I thought you were going to sleep earlier tonight since you have morning patrol.”

“Yeah, but…I dunno, I changed my mind.” She sat beside you partly on the grass. You knew she wouldn’t really be bothered by the grass since she’s wearing pants and a long sleeve, but you scooted over to make a bit more room for her. You patted the spot next to you and she took the offer and smiled, “I wanted to make sure you were okay. You were kinda spacey today. You know? I feel like you zoned out a lot.”

“Oh yeah, I’m fine.” You stare back up at the sky hoping she isn’t thinking too much into your behavior. “I’ve just been tired.”

“Yet you’re out watching the stars in the middle of the night.”

You chuckled, “Whatever.”

You let out a big sigh. A few moments of silence fall over you two, but it’s comfortable.

You lay back down on your sheet to get a good look at a small bunch of stars that look like one of the constellations you read about. You turn your head a bit to the right, and you are finally able to connect the stars and make out the figure you’ve been trying to find for a few nights. Ellie’s still sitting up, watching you observe the stars. You look at her and she takes a few seconds to notice. She had a soft smile on her face that was so beautiful it haunted you. When she notices you’re shift of attention she darts her eyes around before finally settling back on you, accompanied with a confused look.

“I found it!”

“Found it?”

“The constellation we were looking for the other night. I found it. C’mere.”

She lays down by you, her shoulder touching yours. “Where?”

“Here!” You point to a spot in the sky, but it doesn’t seem very effective. You lean over, your face so close to Ellie’s, looking at the sky. Your eyes are trying their hardest to stay focused on the sky despite the fact that Ellie’s eyes are like magnets. You’re trying to see the stars from her perspective to give her a better idea of where the bunch of stars are. “There.” You say quietly due to your proximity.

When she notices your eyes on the sky her eyes follow, hoping you didn’t see where her eyes were originally. She looks back at you and her eyes dart to your lips before looking back and forth between your left and right eyes. She slightly licks her lips causing you to look at them. It becomes too much so you lay back down in your original spot.

You take a few seconds to regain your calm, releasing a soft sigh. “Um, this was the dog constellation I was telling you about.” You had a moment. You definitely had a moment.

“The one with that super bright star? Sirion? No, wait, Sirius?”

“Yeah, Sirius. Did you learn that from the constellation book I gave you?”

“Obviously…Have you read the space mysteries book I gave you?”

“I’ll have you know that I have read some of it, actually.”

“You haven’t.” She said with a deadpan face.

“No, I really have,” you say giggling, “I swear!”

“I can never tell when you’re being sarcastic.” She rolls her eyes and lets out a gruff breath as she turns her head the other way.

You two lay in silence for a few minutes enjoying the quiet ambience. In Jackson, most settle down around 10:30 p.m. The only noise you hear now is the wind causing leaves to rustle against each other, a few crickets, and the soft background of cicadas.

“I have a question.” Ellie says randomly.

“What?” You respond still laying down on your back, eyes darting between Ellie and the sky. One reason why you love the stars and constellations so much might, or might not, be because of how they remind you of Ellie’s freckles. It just makes so much sense. She has the bigger more prominent freckles under her left eye and above her left eyebrow kind of like how there are brighter stars in constellations. You smile to yourself just thinking about it.

“Okay,” she says moving to lay down on her side with her head propped up on her fist, “you said that you immediately liked me when you first saw me, but what did you mean? Because I was really thinking about it the other day and I remember kind of being a jerk when we first met.”

Thinking about that makes you chuckle. She wasn’t that much of a jerk she just acted as most teens do when they see someone their age. The weird critical glances and kind of guarded attitude. “I don’t know. You—I mean… you weren’t a jerk from what I remember. Maybe I just ignored it. But, you did seem shy like you were afraid to make friends and I think that made me want to be friends with you more. And I liked you when I instantly saw you because you… I don’t know I just immediately knew I had to talk to you. I didn’t have any real friends at that point in my life, but I thought maybe it could be you.”

“Wow.”

“Shut up. I don’t mean to be cheesy but I just got a feeling I guess.”

“No, no, it’s cute.”

“Yeah whatever… What about you? I don’t think I’ve ever heard you’re first impression of me. Just that you’re glad that I talked to you.”

“I mean there’s not much to say. You said it all.”

“Uh, yeah. I said my side. Now I wanna know your side.” You poke her shoulder with your finger to make your point.

“Ok… fine,” She pauses for a second gathering her thoughts, “I remember seeing you kinda linger around when I first rode in with Joel. I didn’t want to look your way ‘cause I knew you were looking at me. I definitely knew you were weird.” You shove her shoulder, a wide smile plastered on your face. “I didn’t really expect to make friends actually. You already know I’ve only ever had one real friend my age, so when you came up to me, I thought I should try. I remember that talk very clearly actually. You gave me a tour and a rundown on how the social life is here. We talked a bit about our interests, and I found out you liked comics too, so I think that did it for me.”

“Aw, it wasn’t my great jokes?”

She shouts, “Ha!” Obviously making fun of you.

“Your puns are just as bad so you better keep your mouth shut.”

“My puns are amazing. You know you love them. You’ve told me before.”

“Mmm, no. Must have me confused for someone else.”

She smiles and nods her head, a sweet look on her face you wish you could take a photo of.

“The moon looks so nice right now.” She says as she stares in awe at the full moon overhead. She then reaches over you to grab the mini telescope lens. When she grabs it, it rolls off a bit causing her to lose her balance and slip. She catches herself before she slams into you, just hovering over you with her hand on the side of your head and the other half-folded on your other side providing her with support.

Your instant reaction was to grab her, so your hand is hovering over her waist, “You okay?”

“Yeah, my bad.” She still hasn’t moved, staring at your eyes, then looking around your entire face.

Your heart is beating too fast and too strong. You feel the need to breathe faster, but you can’t make it too obvious. You’re staring at her lips just waiting for her to do something because you don’t have the will to make the first move. Then you see her lips form into a smirk, so you look back up at her eyes. “What?”

“Nothing,” she says letting out a breathy laugh.

“No, what?” You say, turning red. Was she laughing at the way you looked at her lips?

“Just… you.” She’s still chuckling.

“What about me?” Your eyebrows scrunch up, an almost pouted look on your face. You feel very left out of whatever is making Ellie so entertained.

“I don’t know,” she is still laughing. “You just make me smile.”

“Ha ha. Fuck you too.” You reply out of defense feeling like she’s teasing you.

You’re partly confused because of this sudden mood change from Ellie. She’s cute when she’s giggly, but she usually only gets that way when she has a bit of alcohol in her system or when she’s taken a couple hits too many. You smile, brows still scrunched, but her comment makes you blush. You turn away from her thinking, What the fuck was that?

You turn back to face her, but she’s still smiling at you, still hovering over you. Your hand is gone from her waist and now it’s on the floor, feeling like it’s glued down. Your entire body feels frozen as if gravity has doubled in force, trying to staple you to the ground.

She stopped laughing so there’s a moment of pure silence between the two of you. That’s when it feels too real, the energy around the two of you changes completely. Her smile slowly falls and she’s staring at your lips, then looks into your eyes with permission. You could be imagining it, but that thought depleted from your brain when Ellie finally leans in. She lowers her head, only a centimeter from yours for one second almost second-guessing herself. Butterflies flood your stomach and then your entire body as you take in what is happening. You both end up moving your heads at the same time and it’s the best thing in the world. Her lips touch yours so gently, lingering there for a bit. You try to process the moment, but you can only focus on Ellie.

Ellie. Ellie. Ellie.

You move your lips against hers slowly. It’s a closed-mouth kiss that lasts a few long seconds. She pulls away, eyes closed, still so close, and she sighs shakily. You’re still looking at her in pure shock and admiration because this is it. This is what you were so scared of and it’s all you ever wanted, except you didn’t have to make the first move. She did.

Ellie repositions herself so she’s not relying on only her arms for support. She kneels down, one of your legs between the two of hers and then she lowers herself back on top of you, one hand on your neck and the other beside your head.

This time, you lean in to kiss her first and it’s different. You know what it’s like and you want more. She holds your head closer, pushing you into her as much as she can. One of your hands find the back of her head, fingers brushing through her hair. The other hand is under her shirt on her waist, moving back and forth occasionally to her lower back. She slightly moans into your mouth at the sensation. It’s not freezing outside, but your fingers hold a slight chill against her warm back. You’re thinking you could just live in this moment forever, but then things get better and your mind starts racing.

More.

Ellie’s the one to deepen the kiss, slipping her tongue into your mouth first. Then, to top it all off, she grabs your leg, pulling it down to get you closer to her. She doesn’t move her hand, keeping it on your leg stroking up and down slowly occasionally squeezing your thighs. You use that leg to feel closer to her, wrapping it around her. She pulls away for a second and you think it’s over, but she takes a deep breath and starts leaving feathery kisses down your jaw to your neck. Your eyes fall shut. It’s a struggle to stay calm when you feel her lips on your skin, her hand on your neck, fingers in your hair, and her other hand stroking your thigh.

“Ellie.” You barely croak the word out, not wanting her to stop. “Ellie,” you say a bit louder now, still a whisper “Ellie.” The last time you say her name, it comes out as a giggle. Her lips brushed against a sensitive spot on your neck.

She looks up looking dazed, “Yeah?” she whispers back.

You grab her face to pull her closer and kiss her briefly, her eyes still closed for a few seconds after you pull away and a smile forming on her face. Meanwhile, you’re grinning like a fool. You push her off of you playfully as you laugh, “We have to get back. We need some sleep.”

“Five more minutes.” She sighs staring up at the sky.

“Okay.” You sigh, “Five minutes.”

You both lay in each other’s company for those five minutes, silently processing what just happened.

“Okay five minutes are up, it’s pretty late.” You say, grunting as you push yourself up and begin to gather your things.

Ellie’s still laying down. You both know you should go home and sleep, but you don’t want to leave this moment just yet.

You sigh and kick her leg. “Get up.” You say reaching your hand out.

“Damn, okay.” She takes the invitation pulling herself up.

The two of you begin to walk towards the road where you live not knowing whose house you’re exactly going to. Ellie’s place comes up first and as you slow down to say bye, she doesn’t stop.

“Let me drop you off.” She insists turning to face you.

“Drop me off? Ellie, we’re already at your place, I’ll be fine walking down the street alone.” You say in disbelief.

“Come on,” she says grabbing your hand as she drags you down the street towards your place.

“Uh-” you utter in surprise. What is this girl on?

You walk for a couple minutes looking over at Ellie, she looks lost in thought as she unconsciously swings your hands.

“I’m grabbing breakfast extra early in the morning with Joel, he wants to give me woodworking lessons again.” She looks away, “He’s—he’s trying.”

“That’s good though…I don’t really know exactly what happened between the two of you, but I know he cares about you so much and from how you talked about him Ellie, I know you care about him just as strongly. I want you to be happy, and if this is how, then that’s good.”

She looks at you thoughtfully, then looks down. “Yeah.” A slight pause, “Thanks.”

“You’re going to do that before patrol?”

“Yeah.”

“’Kay. Do you wanna come over later? I was just going to help out in the stables for a bit after then kinda chill for the rest of the day.”

“Yeah, sure, that sounds good.” A smile back on her face. She turns to walk you up to your door, “See you tomorrow—or later I guess.”

“Goodnight, Ellie.” You smile softly at her, releasing your joined hands. You want to tell her just how much you’re going to remember tonight and how much you like her, but not yet. Not yet.

While you’re thinking, she leans in to brush a soft kiss on your forehead, catching you off guard. She doesn’t let it linger too long, but just long enough for you to still feel a tingle in her lips’ absence. “Night.” She whispers against your forehead. She turns and walks back down the road, just like that. Meanwhile, you’re watching her go in disbelief at how much happened in one night. This is going to change a lot.

[nerdpoe]

Injustice Timeline but with more Ghosts

Superman loses Lois, and starts to go rogue a la Injustice route.

Problem.

Dan, who was just entered into the Justice League, takes great offense to this.

Dan, who is reformed.

Dan, who remembers ripping every single member of the Justice League to shreds in that other timeline, and still remembers how to do it.

Superman never makes it past his opening speech to pitch the idea of hero-approved murder.

Dan, standing over an actually unconscious Superman who probably definitely needs medical treatment, looks at the other Heroes who would have sided with Superman.

"Ẅ̸̖̭͚̰̳̼̰́̇̋̚͜ͅh̴̨̛̭̝̘̻̙̝̜͔͚͛͌̿̉̓̈́̔̈̍͆̾͘͜o̵̦̟̣̖̝͔̠͍͙͖͕̔̏̈́͗̍͒̎̿͗̚͜'̴̦̣̪͓͓̤̲̲͐͌̂͋̉̚͠s̵̛̛̛̙̠̾̂͐̌̏̐́͝ ̵̛̩̹̪̤͔̰̣̼͈̒̉̿́͆͌͒͊̄͘̚͝ñ̷͉̠̩̝̇̒̐͂̄̽̈̃̅̕͘͝͠è̷͓̹̫͊̍̔̃̾̌̽̈́͑̓͜͝x̴̻̓̊̽̎̑ṫ̶̬̮̭̳͕̗̙̙̭̬̣̯͌͋̅͌̎͒͐̍͜?̴̗͍̺̼̪̞̋̕"

Meanwhile, Danny was sitting bored in his throne when a rather frightening new ghost forced her way in.

She demands an audience with him, introduces herself as Lois, and bullies him into making an interdimensional Passport.

She bullies Walker into agreeing that a Passport would make interdimensional travel follow the rules.

She has Danny searching various dimensions to find hers, because she wants to spend her afterlife with her still alive alien husband.

Danny...is too scared of her to tell her no.

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 208

So Danny would feel exasperated, and probably should. But Dan is actually doing good and hasn’t even bitten anyone during this situation so that’s a win in his books. Now if the turned-into-a-four-year-old could tell him where he managed to grab this other child when he was supposed to be at the babysitter’s, that would be swell. 

Or why there is a hero who nearly broke the door down in a right panic. 

Like genuinely, he doesn’t know who was more surprised, him, or the hero who came running up half in a panic attack. 

[sky-is-the-limit]

[olliesasimplething]

Thanks to @lavendercoloredglasses for the hurt/comfort suggestion! This took it out of me ngl.

Of course, I had to draw the aftermath of Abby's beat down. Ellie definitely thought she was dead for a while

[witchofhimring]

The true enemy of Remarried Empress was the lack of therapy.

[hallwyeoo]

Ellie’s memory of the golfing scene and what it tells us about her.

🚨spoilers for tlou2🚨

I think Ellie’s flashback to Joel’s death is very telling of how she internalized the event and the meaning she applied to his death. It’s also a good demonstration of her relationship to autonomy. Let’s break down the elements that were inconsistent with the actual event:

The stairs/hallway are much longer than they were. This suggests a sense of helplessness, an inability to get there fast enough. Joel is constantly out of reach.

There is blood on the floor outside of the door. Not entirely certain on this one but my hunch is that she blames herself for not seeing more obvious signs of violence/not knowing something was wrong sooner.

The door is locked, another roadblock in her path to Joel. She can’t access him, she can’t help, he needs her and she isn’t there.

Most importantly. Joel yells “Ellie, help me” (which he didn’t in the actual scene, he just screams. He doesn’t say a word in the actual scene)

Ellie hearing Joel scream for her help, calling for her while being horribly beaten, and her being repeatedly impeded on her way to him suggests that what she took away from his death is that she wasn’t enough. They always helped each other, always had each others backs, always got up. Ellie views his death as a failure. She was too slow, too weak, not smart enough to save him. She failed him when he needed her most. She is absolutely helpless to save him, just like she was helpless to save Riley, Tess, Sam, and Jessie (and Marlene, and humanity, and and and-).

Once again, Ellie makes a decision (staying with Riley, going to the fireflies, staying with Joel, being the cure, trying to forgive Joel) and once again her autonomy and ability to find closure is ripped from her.

This is the inciting incident of tlou pt2, this is the moment where Ellie’s whole world shatters the same way Joel’s did at the start of pt1. Ellie enters into the same cycle (which I like to call the “Joel cycle” because… yeah.) that he did, and throughout pt2 she stays in the “20 years later” phase of the cycle. She is changed, she has lost her light, lost what she fought for. She lost her chance to genuinely forgive Joel and rebuild their relationship. She is stuck in a gruelling and violent world that she has no anchor in, at least not anymore. His death is so sudden and so incredibly violent that it practically gave her (and me as well, tbh) whiplash. She’s in a state of total shock.

On another devastating note, this is one of the three times in tlou that we see Ellie beg (that I remember). The first is begging Joel to get up at the university of Eastern Colorado, the second is begging him to get up and for Abby to stop, and the third is begging Abby to not kill Dina because she’s pregnant. (Two times she begs Joel to get up, one time he doesn’t. Two times she begs Abby to spare her family and one time she does. What a beautifully haunting contrast)

To wrap up, every person creates an internal narrative, a story of their life that is crafted from their context and lived experiences. The meaning we derive from those experiences doesn’t always reflect the truth, and that can sometimes bite us in the ass majorly when we experience a traumatic event. We tend to want to find someone or something to assign blame to, some reason or rationale to why it happened. We tell stories. We write them in our minds about ourselves and what happens to us and what that says about us.

But Ellie is wrong. Joel’s death happened in response to a conscious and willing choice he made. It is in no way her fault, and there was absolutely no way for her to know or to stop what was happening. I think Ellie knows that much on an intellectual level, It just doesn’t change how devastated she is over the whole event. It can’t change the fact that she FEELS as though this was all her fault, that Joel did what he did to save her, that she could have saved him. That she should have.

[roses-for-rosalyn]

okay, I just saw your post asking for ideas and I have one. What about like a fic with Ellie and the reader but Ellie is really over-sensitive/not very comfortable with physical touch because of everything that happened pre-returning to Jackson (David and Fireflies and all that stuff) and she gets so in her head about it.

Basically, touch-starved Ellie whos scared of touch being looked after by gentle and patient reader who helps her through it all. Bonus points for crying Ellie because that girl needs a good cri

Ask and you shall receive!! I actually love this because I too struggle with physical touch and this was very therapeutic. This is sort of just Ellie talking out her feelings with the reader listening, but i have no idea what I'm doing. This is about 19 year old Ellie with a reader at the same age.

word count: 1.6k (sorry I went a little crazy)

content warning: Mentions of assault (nothing explicit or graphic), comfort, a lil bit of cuddling, lil angst, love confession? sort of?, friends to lovers-ish, mildly traumatized reader

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You were a very patient person. Some would say too patient, especially when it came to Ellie. You had lived in Jackson for just a year longer than her and you were both the same age when she arrived. When she first came to Jackson you were relieved you were no longer “The New Girl”. You watched her from afar at first, observing Ellie doing almost exactly what you did when you first arrived: scarfing down food like it was going to run away from her. She consistently flinched at any sudden loud noises, which you could understand, you were the same in that way too, even now. The difference between you two is she came to Jackson with someone, someone clearly very close to her. You had no one when you arrived. Of course you eventually found your people. It's been 6 years, but it was hard. 

You were probably the most eager to meet Ellie out of everyone. One day you just sat next to her at lunch and bombarded her with questions. You scared the shit out of her of course, but you were a kid, and you were excited to meet someone who might relate to you a bit more than the kids who grew up in Jackson. She answered some of your questions with one word responses and others she didn’t respond at all. You didn’t let that deter you though, 14 year old you was going to figure her out no matter what. 

Five years later you two are pretty close, you don’t know everything about her, but she didn’t know everything about you either so it kept things interesting. Some things would just come up in conversation randomly and you held on to what you learned like it was your lifeline. Eventually you realized your feelings for Ellie might be a little more than friendly, but you never said anything. You never understood your feelings completely so why share them with her? You would just confuse Ellie and mess everything up. 

Now you two are sitting on Ellie’s couch watching a movie. You both just got back from patrol and trying to recover from a sort of awkward moment. You and Ellie were running away from a clicker and right as Ellie shot it down you stopped whilst Ellie kept running and you sort of…fell on top of eachother. Ellie landed right on top of you with her chest touching yours and your faces inches apart. Her eyes were wide and she just stared at you for a hot minute before quickly scrambling to her feet. She was really, really quiet after that. You’re not sure if that was exactly why she was acting weird, but nothing else out of the ordinary happened. You two weren’t strangers to a comfortable silence, but this was definitely not comfortable in any definition of the word. The movie credits pop up and you honestly could not recall what it was about, you were completely lost in thought. Brainstorming how to confront Ellie on what happened, you weren’t really mad, just confused. You’re constantly worried if you are crossing a line with Ellie, she can open up to you at times but if you go too far or inquire about the wrong thing she sort of snaps shut. Obviously if anyone was going to understand it would be you. Life outside of Jackson will fuck you up. Like a lot. 

You look at Ellie and she’s staring intently at the black screen as if the movie was still on. She’s avoiding looking at you at all costs.

“Ellie?” You say trying to get her attention.

“Yeah?” she responds but keeps her eyes set on the TV.

“This is gonna sound stupid, but are you, like, okay?”

 “What do you mean?” she finally turns and looks at you. You can’t read her expression which is not helpful.

“You’ve been weirdly quiet since we got back on patrol and I was just worried I did something wrong or something to upset you. I don’t know I’m realizing I sound kind of stupid now that I’m saying it out loud but I just… I worry about you ya know?” god this sounded so whiny now that you’ve actually blurted it out.

Your confession causes Ellie’s face to soften a little, her face melting into a sort of sad expression.

“Aww you worry about me? Didn’t know you cared that much.” She smiles a little, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. You wait for her to elaborate and she ends up staring into your eyes for a few seconds, deep in thought. 

“I’m not mad at you, there’s not much you could do that would make me mad to be honest.” She pauses, takes a breath. 

“I just… I get freaked out when people touch me, it’s really dumb. And then I sort of get mad at myself for being weird and I get all in my own head. Most of the time I can’t talk after something like that happens ‘cause I’m just stuck in an endless loop of memories that remind me why I don’t like people getting too close to me. I sort of shut down and I’m sorry about that. It was bitchy.”

You take a moment to formulate a response, it’s impossible to say the perfect thing, but you’d like to try. “It wasn’t bitchy at all, you just had me a little worried. I’m glad you explained it to me. I understand how people touching you can feel like, I don't know… gross.” you laugh dryly. “Just like it sticks on to you in a way where you feel like you need to scrub it off.” You have no idea what Ellie went through that made her feel like this, but you understood. You had gone through something that made you feel similar.  

“No one has ever explained it like that before, but yea. It’s fucked up.” you nod “fucked up” doesn’t cover half of it. “I just wish I could like it when people touch me, you know? I know they don’t want to hurt me, but how do I know for sure? I’ve had too many people do fucked up shit because I let them too close to me. I always think that maybe I could have tried harder to stop it.” There are tears forming in her eyes now. You have a feeling she hasn’t talked about this much. 

“Sometimes those people, they pop into my head at night and I can’t get rid of them. A little while ago I figured out that if I picture myself beating the ever loving shit out of them I start to calm down. Just enough to sleep, even if it doesn’t last long.” You study Ellie for a moment, she seems a little less tense. She has a tear streaming down her face and you just feel helpless. 

“God you have no idea how many times I wanted to touch you.” A sad smile tugs at her lips. “You’re the only person besides Joel I’ve ever gotten sort of close to. Obviously with you it’s different. There’s been so many times I wanted to touch your hand or just sort of be close to you, but I stopped myself.” You’re pretty sure your mouth opened a little from the shock of her confession. She’s felt the same as you? For how long? God how much time have you wasted? You pull yourself together as quickly as possible.

“Why didn’t you say anything before?” you ask, genuinely curious. Maybe she felt the same as you. “You could have asked and I would have said yes.” Ellie is the one that looks shocked now. 

“I guess I never thought of that.” She laughs, a real laugh this time. “Would you be okay with that?” 

“Are you kidding? Yes I would be very, very ok with that.” You pause to think for a second. “You need to be honest with me though and understand that your feelings about not wanting to be touched are perfectly valid. When you need space you tell me and I won’t get mad, promise. If anything I would be mad if I made you uncomfortable.” Ellie looks like she feels a little awkward from your bluntness. 

“I adore you.” you say. You watch her face light up as she smiles and laughs a little, her green eyes are a little brighter. 

“You have no idea.” She says and she moves to sit closer to you. “I’m exhausted, but I want to try something if that’s ok with you.” 

“Ok” You have no idea what she has in mind, but you’d gouge your eye out to make her feel good at this point. 

She lays back resting her head on one of the throw pillows on the couch. You stand up giving her room to spread out, you have to admit you’re really confused. 

Ellie laughs, “No come here.” 

“Like lay there with you?” you ask sounding like a dumbass, but you wanted her to clarify.

“Yes. Come 'ere.” 

“Okay...” you have no idea how to approach this but, uh, ok. 

You kneel on to the couch and crawl your way awkwardly to Ellie. You put your head on her chest gently and intertwine your legs with hers. You had no idea that being this close to someone could feel good, comfortable even. You can feel the warmth of her body through her t-shirt and you can hear her heartbeat. You could fall asleep in seconds if you wanted to.

“Thank you for this. This is nice. Maybe we can even graduate to holding hands soon.” She says.

“Woah I think that’s getting a little ambitious don’t you?” You both giggle and you can hear it echo through her chest. 

You both fall asleep eventually. You don’t know it, but it’s the first good night’s sleep Ellie has gotten in years. 

[gethelpplease]

soft ellie makes me want to kiss her face and hold her til she feels better

[theprismyyy]

I kind of wrote an anguish for Ellie and now I'm crying alone in my room as if I'd just lost a close relative... anyway, life stuff, right?

Edit: The fic has already been posted, here is the link

[chiriwritesstuff]

The Girl in IT chapters 7 & 8 with no context.

[significant-ace-nnoyance]

any 'wait for it' girlies out there? nice nice just wanted to drop by and let you know that you are mentally unwell!! me too :) we can unpack why you latched onto those lyrics as a kid together <3

[elliesbelle]

no offense to my girl dina, but my pussy is so immaculate that it would have solved all of ellie’s problems and she would have never left me and lost her fingers 😇

[celestial-scrapyard]

You guys realize we’re gonna get a “I’m here and I’m never leaving you again” scene now, right?

RIGHT????

[teddybeartoji]

every time i replay tlou2 i think i'm gonna be fine😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐😐be soooooooo serious😐😐😐😐😐😐

i'm bawling my eyes over the fact that joel had a "an idiot's guide to space" on his nightstand bc he wants to learn more for ellie i'm fine i'm so fine sooooooo fine

also i always liked ellie a lot (obvs) but i also thought that we would neverrr get along. she's rash, she holds nothing back and says just about everything on her mindout loud, very straightforward, she's awkward, she gets nervous, she acts bigger than she is, she's willing to do everything for her loved ones, her bark is so fucking loud, she makes terrible terrible jokes, she swears way too fucking much, she likes girls, she is a nerd, she gets excited easily, she has raging father issues and i am can't tell whether i'm describing myself or her at this point. i need a minute to think about this.

[hallwyeoo]

Was gonna make a post about Joel and Ellie and how I think on Joel’s side the relationship is father/daughter but on Ellie’s side it’s just more loosely familial/protective and not fully father/daughter but I got struck with the Fear Of God™️ when I realized that I would probably be met with a LOT of disagreement, none of which would be respectful.

Anyway I highly reccomend drmick’s “the last of us with a therapist” playthrough of both the games because it is deeply insightful and it’s wonderful to see someone able to appreciate AND articulate how well done the writing is in tlou. (If you don’t wanna watch two whole playthroughs this specific point is on his tiktok. The description is “ep 41| some awkwardness between Joel & Ellie at the start of tlou2” but all his videos are INCREDIBLE)