Five Hargreeves Meagalist
I've realised I need to rejig my pinned post, so here we are.
Hello, I write aged-up Five Hargreeves smut. Sometimes also not smut. But mostly smut. This is a compendium of my work.
Request status: Closed
One + Twoshots
Not Smut (G-M rated)
Tickle War | Five Hargreeves / GN Reader (Fluff)- Words: 1.5k
Dickhead Sugar Daddy | Five Hargreeves / GN Reader (Angst/Fluff)- Words 2.8k
Two Old Men | Five Hargreeves / GN Reader (Fluff)- Words 3.3k
No Blinking! | Five Hargreeves & 3 y/o daughter (Fluff) Words: 3k
Twelve Feet Away From the Mistletoe Part 1, Part 2 | Five Hargreeves / F Reader (Fluff, angst) Total words: 5.8k
Senseless | Five Hargreeves/ GN Reader 1.3k words, Rated T/M (Angst + steamy)
Strings Attached | Five Hargreeves / F Reader (Steamy angst)- Words: 4.8k
Smut (E rated/18+)
NSFW Alphabet | Five Hargreeves/ F Reader - Words: 2.4k
Two Items of Business | Five Hargreeves/ F Reader/ FReader- Words: 2.1k (kind of a crackfic. Not my best.)
Goddamn Darling | Five Hargreeves/ F Reader- Words: 2.1k
If Tonight Were our Last | Five Hargreeves/ F Reader- Words: 2.4k (mild smut, probably between M+E ratings)
Boy Wonder | Five Hargreeves/ F Reader- Words: 2.7k
Lucky Fucking Pillow | Five Hargreeves/ F Reader- Words: 3k
In Your Hands | Five Hargreeves / GN Reader - Words: 3.1k
The Birthday Boy | Five Hargreeves/ F Reader- Words: 3.8k
Your Desperate Man | Five Hargreeves/ GN Reader- Words 2.8k
Venus and Cupid | Five Hargreeves/ F Reader- Words 4k (inc. fluff, romance, hurt/comfort)
The Birthday Girl | Five Hargreeves/ F Reader- Words 2.8k
The Pandas and the Conservationist Part 1, Part 2 | Five Hargreeves/ F Reader - Words 11.8k.
My Kind of Deli | Five Hargreeves/ F Reader - Words 8k.
Series + Multichapter fics (best read on AO3)
Hard Feelings (E rated/18+) : 6 parts
You're Five's latest assassination target, but things don't go to plan and now he wants you as his fuckbuddy. What starts as a casual relationship soon comes to mean everything to him, but what can Five bring to a relationship? After 45 years alone, (or almost alone), how do you rebuild your understanding of partnership? Five has to listen, learn and face the future as well as his past.
READ ON AO3 READ ON TUMBLR
The Neurosis of Five Hargreeves (M/E rated): 2 Parts
Covering Five's readjustment to society post season 3. This series uses prose, monologues, transcripts, and case notes to explore Five's mental health demons, delusions, and recovery from decades of apocalypse trauma.
Not canon compliant. In this household, season 4 never happened.
READ HERE
The Moth and The Spider (E Rated): Please heed tags.
Maybe it was the booze, maybe it was the fear, or maybe some sick, twisted part of him was titillated. Even looking back, he never knew. In the dark of nights years in the future, he couldn’t help linking how it turned out to this one mistake. Perhaps if he’d fought her just a little longer, it might never have turned into what it did- perhaps it would never have gone beyond that first night. In fact, it seemed likely: that’s how he knew it was all his fault really.
The Handler knows Five will be a difficult agent to control, but she also knows how to exploit his weaknesses.
READ HERE
Headcanons
Usually based on Tumblr asks:
SFW headcanons because I am capable of them y'know
Cooking
'Not like other girls' girls
Five hates himself
Five as the father of a son
S4 speculation
My dreams for Five in S4 (boy, was I disappointed)
Why Five's favourite word is "shit!"
What would Five look for in a partner?
Would Five be ok with not having kids?
A guide to flirting with Five
Five and Wordle
What did Five do in the apocalypse? (mention of masturbation- not graphic)
Five's enjoyment of murder
S/O stealing Five's jackets.
NSFW headcanons ah, safely back in my lane
NSFW alphabet
Five's relationship with the Handler (triggering content)
Five with a menstruating S/O (NSFW only because references sex)
Five + submissive pillow princess
Hargreeves brothers sharing sex tips
Five and flirtatious jokes (mild)
Mannequin banging: part 1 , part 2
Apocalypse sadwanks
Five eats pussy like a madman
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the last few episodes of persephone moping around have felt like less of a self-reflective moment for her to grow and change and more rachel griping about criticism and surrounding herself with yes men
this isn't gonna be in any way a formal essay like my usual sort, more of a slam post honestly, so fair warning that i'm gonna be a little salty here
EPISODE 263 SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!
but seriously, it's been a pity party of greek proportions because this constant "woe is me" shit with persephone that's constantly met with "no queeen you're amazing and perfect" has been going on for DAYS (real time and comic time)
literally every episode since the comic returned has had some segment of either persephone or hades (or both) being upsetti spaghetti over their current situation because oh nooo persephone made the deal with erebus and had to sacrifice something. even though they both knew that was gonna happen and yet she did it anyways. so she just continues to lock herself away in her mansion and spout adorkable quips while her husband, mother, and colleagues deal with the mess she caused.
and of course there's the constant inclusion of apollo spitting straight facts about persephone being a terrible queen and person, but of course because it's apollo saying it, it's not meant to be taken as gospel, essentially clapping back at the words of the critics who call out persephone for being a shitty and toxic protagonist by putting those words into the mouth of a literal rapist.
and yeah episode 263 had a lot of the same shit, to the point that you could literally swap out the names of the characters and the words they were speaking and it applies exactly to rachel and the corner she put herself in u.u it's been a thing for a while now that apollo has just felt like a mouthpiece for LO criticism but as mentioned by users within the subreddit during the discussion of this newest episode, it's never felt more apparent than now.
so yeah enjoy this satirical text edit of a sequence from the newest FP episode, which I honestly can't tell is meant to satirize the critical community or Rachel's reactions to the critical community because the weird reality this comic and its community exist in has just become that wack that it's hard to believe it's not directly from The Onion sometimes LMAO
-and as much as i find myself empathizing with the pressure that rachel is surely under right now - no one should have to be subject to the screeching howls of the peanut gallery - i can't help but be reminded of the memes and tweets she's put out that basically outright say "persephone is supposed to be celebrated for being a shitty person, if you can't handle her at her worst you don't deserve her at her best 💅"-
-and how often she's ruined her own day looking for critical groups or people with the "wrong opinions" that were minding their own business, or how much she's stifled her own community's attempts to discuss the story openly by having her mods ban anyone with even so much as a question regarding persephone's integrity.
so yeah, as much as i can empathize with her from one creator to another that being under this amount of pressure and scrutiny must be immensely frustrating and exhausting, beyond that one similarity i just can't empathize or relate to this mindset of almost learned helplessness that's taken a firm grip over her writing. this is the story she wants to tell and by all means no one is entitled to make her stop, but if she's gonna keep using her greek myth "retelling" comic that's trying to be "feminist" as a mouthpiece for her own griping over criticisms that are largely on-point and justified - to the point of putting the words of her critics into the mouth of her token villain like she's playing some single player barbie doll "act out that fight that sounded cooler in your head" game - then she's gonna keep getting called out, full stop. i figured she didn't have any nose left to rip off in spite of her face but apparently not.
look, i get it, there are some opinions and behaviors within the critical community that even i'm not on board with. there are people who absolutely take shit too far on both sides of the fandom, and i think both sides need to do more to hold themselves accountable for how they interact with each other, the comic, and rachel herself. i make it a point to keep my shit in my own house, i'm not entitled to rachel's attention and frankly it's the last thing i want because i have a lot of fun here and i don't want that to be potentially ruined or dampened! but if you come into my house and complain about the decorating, then i legitimately don't know what to tell you. i used to love LO and i'm so sad for my past self knowing fully well they're not gonna be able to wholeheartedly enjoy this comic forever due to how manipulative and shitty the storytelling has become. a story that i once connected to as an AFAB who was a victim of assault and abuse and generational trauma.
if persephone being the true main villain in her own story was ever meant to be the point of Lore Olympus, then it's taken way, way too long to get to that point, and rachel herself definitely doesn't seem to be of the mindset that that's what she's become with all of her blasé meme'ing on a plot arc that she's still expecting us to take seriously. persephone was never a very complex character to begin with - being an easy self-insert for the audience and rachel to project themselves onto and relate to - but at least in the beginning she felt like she had so much legitimate potential, she was naive but put her best foot forward and clearly wanted to make a life for herself, made by herself.
now she's just mean. jaded and mean. dependent on the constant validation of others to the point of being manipulative. an absolute shell of a person who can only grow a spine when she's punching down on people weaker than her, completely incapable of standing up to the people who are a legitimate threat to her. it's not empowering, it's not subversive, it's just another pick me story about women pitting themselves against other women and never taking accountability for their own behavior, mistakes, and deliberate actions meant to hurt others, often teetering on the line of straight up narcissism all for the sake of a "boss babe" moment.
anyways, if you want an actual well-written and GOOD scene of an empathetic female protagonist struggling to find their footing in adulthood being called the fuck out for their learned helplessness behavior, go read Tamberlane, it tackles this topic much better through its main character who keeps using her brokenness as an excuse to never do better, it slaps and it's so real.
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