#eric cartman headcanons

[nwjn-z]

𝐈𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 - 𝐌𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝟒

warning(s): none

authors note: i was feeling really down about myself so i made these (so i did project on the first one lol), let me know if these cheered you up!

⭑ small chest - kyle broflovski

He honestly doesn’t understand why you are insecure about your chest. He just doesn’t get it bc he’s always thought your chest was cute. He always encourages you to wear low cut tops, body hugging dresses, or whatever it is you are insecure about wearing bc of your chest. Loves seeing the shy look on your face when he tells you that you look pretty when you wear something that reveals your chest a little more. Kyle reminds you all the time how much he loves your body and so should you.

⭑ hip dips - stan marsh

He is so obsessed with your hips. Loves just staring at you when you wear something tight fitting, he just can’t take his eyes off you. He panicked when you told him that his staring made it seem like he was judging you. He literally felt a pain in his chest when you thought he was judging you. Reassures you all the time that he loves your hips by hugging you from behind and rubbing his calloused hands over them.

⭑ scars/stretch marks - kenny mccormick

He also has lots of scars and even a couple stretches marks and he doesn’t see anything wrong with them. He loves tracing and caressing the stretch marks you have (especially if you have some on your chest), and giving all the cuts and scrapes you have kisses. Kenny isn’t a man of many words so he likes physically showing how much he loves all aspects of you.

⭑ being chubby - eric cartman

I know, i know this one sounds cliche BUT hear me out. He’s never viewed your weight as a bad thing if anything he prefers you to be chubby. he likes having someone he can be a foodie with. like most things, he would never admit how much he loves your plush figure but he will physically tell you by laying his head down on your thighs and kneading the softness of your tummy and thighs when you cuddle.

[mouschiwrites]

South Park - Main 4 When You Fall Asleep Around Them

First post!! aa I'm nervous >-<

Kyle

You were studying together

Well, you were supposed to be studying together

Kyle was engrossed in a math problem. His eyes darted back and forth from the calculator to the paper; to him, nothing else existed in that moment

"Okay, what did you get for number..."

The words died in his throat when he noticed that you were asleep

He just kinda stared for a minute, blinking

You were hunched over, head resting atop your hands on the table

For a second he considered waking you up, but you looked too peaceful

He watched as your back slowly rose and fell with each breath, and found that it brought him peace too

A small smile graced his lips as he chose to get back to work

He tried to be as quiet as possible while he worked, cursing the clicky buttons on his calculator

He frequently stole glances at you as he went

He was finally compelled to wake you up when a drop of drool threatened to fall onto your homework under you

He had a good laugh at your startled reaction

dw, he made up for it by helping you finish your homework :)

Kenny

You were both laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling and taking turns ranting about whatever came to mind

Kenny had finished just finished his turn ranting

The longer the silence continued, the more concerned he got

He glanced over at you, surprised to find you asleep

“Geez, was I really that boring?”

He had said it loud enough that he hoped you would wake up, but you continued to snooze

He watched you for a minute, hoping for any sign that you were going to wake up

He wanted to keep talking with you!!

But he also didn’t want to disturb your sleep

So he went back to staring at the ceiling, lamenting the loss of company (conscious company, that is)

Eventually he started ranting again, but quietly

Just to fill the silence

When you woke up, you assumed you had only been out for a few minutes, since Kenny was still talking

You sputtered when you noticed it had been over an hour

The noise caught Kenny’s attention

“You’re awake! :D Sleep well?”

Stan

You were on the bus, sitting in the window seat with Stan next to you

You hadn’t said anything since getting on, so Stan tried to strike up some conversation

“Did you see that bug Cartman found in the cafeteria today? It was huge!”

He grinned at you as he said it, but his smile faltered as you remained turned away

He leaned forward a little, trying to see your face

He froze when he saw that you were asleep

Bro lowkey panicked: weren’t you uncomfortable with your head against the window? What if he accidentally woke you up?

Well, he had a solution to one of those concerns

He pulled out a spare beanie from his backpack and carefully placed it between your head and the window

He was still super nervous though

He kept his eyes locked on you, waiting for the slightest sign that you were about to wake up and praying that you’d just stay asleep

Cartman and Kyle tried to tease him, but he shushed them aggressively

When your stop finally came, he just about threw up as he gently shook your arm

He really wanted to let you sleep, but also knew that you wouldn’t want to miss your stop

He could hardly speak from being so nauseous, so when you finally roused he just pointed to the front of the bus

Thankfully he did not end up throwing up

Cartman

You were over at Cartman’s, watching a movie

“This movie sucks.”

He awaited your response: he was used to you either agreeing with his commentary or starting an argument over it

But when nothing came, he elbowed you

Well, he tried, but you had slumped over against the arm of the couch, so you were out of reach

He saw an opportunity and took it

Took a kajillion pictures and videos, most of him poking you or making you do stupid poses/faces, but some just of you being peaceful

All for “blackmail material,” of course

Totally not because you looked sweet when you slept

Eventually he got bored of messing with you

He could have gone back to watching the movie, but he needed someone to make fun of it with him

So he kicked you 💀

You woke up with a start, shooting a glare at a cackling Cartman as you rubbed your shin where he kicked you

Your glare then shifted to the TV

“This movie sucks.”

“That’s what I said!”

Thank you for reading!!

(divider by saradika)

[amarthine]

ꪒꪒ synopsis. cuddling w the main four — how they cuddle !

disclaimers. pure fluff, brief mention reader being referred to as “doll”,

notes. motivation is backk : ]

eric cartman.

really comfy cuddler !

hes pretty warm, and when cuddling he clings onto you like a stuffed animal, though his grip on you is pretty light, enough to move around and or leave.

whenever you ask he pretends like he hates it, and its suchhh a big inconvenience to him, but he really likes laying with you, gives him a sense of comfort that you’ll never leave him.

eventually he gets used to the occasional cuddles, ends up actually admitting he likes it, if anything he expects it now.

everytime you sleep over or vice versa you will almost always wake up in his arms, whether you were sleeping on the other side of the bed, or fell asleep on the couch.

actually mutters out “love you”s beside you when cuddling, he becomes a lot more mushy, in his words when he cuddles.

after a short cudding nap, he kicks you out of his bed.

kyle broflovski.

lovesloves cuddling with you, hes the first one who initiated it, and he made sure everything was perfect.

hes usually pretty cold, so he relies on blankets or your warmth to keep himself warm.

lets you play with his hair while you fall asleep, it also helps him fall asleep, the feeling of your hands running through his hair just makes him feel comforted.

holds your hands the entire time, hes very physical during cuddles, his thumb is rubbing against your knuckles, hes pressing kisses against your neck, all of the above.

super lovey dovey when it comes to you, hes just happy to lay with you and feel your body against his own.

after those naps he usually just lays and stares at you for a bit with an adoring smile, before stopping because he felt like a weirdo for that.

nowadays, if hes in public with you and wants to cuddle, he just keeps you with an arm around and leans his head against you. If anything hes either romantic or a bit nonchalant about it.

kenny mccormick.

he wears a parka a majority of the time, so expect to be met with a warm embrace everytime you two cuddle, as well as the smell of weed and cologne mixed.

teases you the first time because to him he just loves to hold you im his arms while your flushed.

“You must’ve been dreaming of this moment, huh? Can’t blame ya.”

but truthfully, hes the one who’s been dreaming of this moment, and besides all the teasing, hes really gentle whilst cuddling you, loves just to lay there in silence with you.

carries you into the bed when you cuddle, and carries you out of the bed, he might be lean but he’s grown to be a bit buff.

says your his doll, especially says that when he carries you.

gives the best hugs and cuddles. :)

stan marsh.

most definitely has a playlist of songs while you cuddle, just thinks it makes the thing 10x better in his opinion. you two share the playlist so you both just add whatever music you think would be good.

its not intentional cuddling either, you two are usually on your phones a majority of the time, and then fall asleep.

but that does not mean hes not paying attention, he feels your presence is enough, but if you wanna talk or just nap he’s totally fine with that !

he likes to be held, gives him a big sense of comfort, especially since its you, but also doesn’t mind holding you. Hes kind of a nonchalant guy, so as long as its comfortable for both parties, he doesn’t care.

has a big bedd

tons of blankets too, not sure why—he doesn’t even use all of them, but he hides them in his closet when you come over so he can have an excuse for you to lay in his blanket with him.

a bad habit of his though is hogging the blanket, you could be sleeping and suddenly feel the blanket being snatched, he also drools, but thats not as often.

[hannah-h-pleb]

HANNAH PLEASEEEEEEE

Eric bragging to his friends about how loud you are in bed and how pretty you look when you’re crying from just his tongue. Literally none of them believe him, even Kenny is skeptical 💀💀

Because like, Cartman? Eric Cartman who’s not shit in bed??? Eric Cartman who’s slept with his gf??? They simply don’t believe it and it’s just him desperately trying to convince them for a sec

Harley you’re a genius. I’m sorry it took so long to get to this. But since I’m feeling extra silly let’s really talk about it

Gonna write these as headcanons but who knows, maybe I’ll write a blurb about it 🤭

Eric Cartman x Reader: Bragging to His Friends About You

Content Advisory: Smut (18+), minors DNI, aged up characters (think “college AU”)

When you and Eric first got together, everyone immediately assumed he was going to be abusive towards you the same way he was with Heidi back in the day. Miraculously this claim was proven to be false as they watched Eric treat you with actual respect, although there were some that still claimed it was “fake” or that he was just “manipulating you”. Therefore another claim was made about you and Eric…”Their sex life must be horrible!” “There’s no way she actually sleeps with him” “I bet he has a tiny dick”

Even Eric’s closest friends, Stan, Kyle, and Kenny, all had their doubts about Eric’s performance in bed. They pinned him as one of those guys who brags about the size of his dick when in reality, it’s not that big. Therefore, they found it really hard to believe that Eric could actually successfully please his girlfriend in bed

Plot twist….he really does…and nobody believes it. But you on the other hand, you’ve experienced it…..

Eric was never one to coddle you in bed. He wasn’t one of those “soft and sweet” boys in the bedroom. When you guys do it, it’s rough, primal, and downright kinky. Eric was pleasantly surprised to find out that you actually enjoyed how rough he was and it only agged him on to give it to you harder. He could be kind to you of course, but when he gets you alone it’s a completely different story

He’s mean. He does one of two things while eating you out: He edges you on his tongue, or he continues to eat you out after you orgasm to overstimulate you. No matter which option he chooses, he aims to make you cry on his tongue whether it be by begging him to let you cum or begging him to stop because “it’s too much”

He would also make you ride his face as he eats you out. This way he could grip your thighs and hold you down on his face while he edges or overstimulates you to his hearts content

Eric is almost always in control and he wants you to know that. He controls your orgasms, he owns your body, he will fuck you as hard he was wants, use whatever toys he wants, and you don’t get a say in any of it. To some, this seems cruel, but to you the feeling of being utterly powerless under Eric and letting him hold all the cards is just so hot. Plus this man loves control so he thrives on making you a needy mess for him

He wants you to beg for what you want. In fact, he wants you to prove how much you want his cock by making you ride one of his dildos before giving you his cock. “Prove it. Prove to me how bad you want this cock. Go on, show me that you’re a good whore and maybe I’ll give it to you”

And when he finally fucks you he shows no mercy. He manhandles you, forcing you down into a mating press and fucking you as hard as he wants. Or, he bends you over and fucks you into the mattress while pulling on your hair, smacking your ass, or digging his nails into your skin. Even if you’ve came for him once or twice already, it’s not over until he says it is or until he gets tired

He has surprisingly good stamina though. The adrenaline rush he gets from the control he holds over you is enough motivation for him to keep going until he can’t. Once again, if he’s not making you cry, he’s far from finished

Your crying and sobbing only turns him on more. It’s the POWER he loves. Knowing he’s the one who can bring you so much pleasure that you start to cry is nearly enough to make him cum on the spot

Oh, and then there’s the name calling and the mocking. He WILL call you names, he will mock you for being a “needy little slut” for him, and he just loves it

Now imagine him sitting at lunch bragging about all of this to his friends. He doesn’t spare any details either. He tell them everything, how you cry and beg him to fuck you, how he licks the tears off your face, the marks he leaves on your ass, everything

And do his friends believe him….of course not. Because why would CARTMAN of all people actually be good at sex? Not to mention Kyle would be the one to speak up and say “You’re not supposed to hit girls or make them cry in bed”, and Kenny would chime in with, “Maybe she cries because of how bad you are”. While the table erupts with laughter, Eric goes “You guys are probably just jealous because I’ve got a hot girlfriend who lets me fuck her however I want and you assholes can’t even get a girls number”. Stan rolled his eyes, “Just keep telling yourself that dude”

Despite his desperate attempts to convince them, they simply don’t believe him and that angers him beyond belief. So just be ready to have some dark hickies all over your neck. This way, everyone will know who you belong to and who makes you feel good

Who knows. Maybe he’ll “accidentally” leave his phone lying around on record well you guys fuck. This way, he’ll have irrefutable proof that you enjoy how cruel he is to you, and that he and he alone makes you cry and cum on his cock over and over again

[broflovski-brah]

what each of the boys major/minor in

note i have my own version of post covid. it’s an AU and I recognize that. What I’m doing is an AU. so. keep that in mind.

Cartman

Cartman majors in business

i mean-look at how he was in Dikinbaus. He would be really good at business. He’s really good at bribing people to buy his shit

He’s also smarter than people give him credit for. He just has no motivation.

He minors in food science.

I like to headcanon that once Liane realized she was spoiling Cartman she kinda locked in (like she did in HumanCentiPad) and teaches him how to cook.

He actually comes to enjoy it and he seemed to have some knowledge of food science beforehand so

Stan

Animal science major. You can’t convince me otherwise.

He becomes a veterinarian in the future. He works with pets, though he got a job at a zoo at some point (he hates putting animals down)

Hes really gentle with animals. He’s one of those people that thinks dogs are better than people/hj

He minors in biochemistry

I already know some of you are thinking ‘Oh WhY nOt MuSiC?’ but like…realistically I don’t think science and music would really clash together when it comes to jobs

I think he recognizes that. So he does Crimson Dawn on the side when he’s free.

Kyle

This was the toughest ngl

He majors in Psychology

I like to headcanon he becomes a therapist. He likes helping people. Hes compassionate. And no, I don’t wanna hear the ‘Oh He DoeSnT UndErStAnD dEprEsSiOn How CaN hE dO pSycH’ like he was nine at the time

I think he would be the type of person to do research on the side about mental diseases because he wants to learn

And hear me out on this. He originally wanted to major in law. I feel like his dad would be big on ‘having his oldest son carry the family name on’ but Kyle ends up not enjoying it so he drops out

He double minors in political science and philosophy

He seems very high on his morals, so I think he would find interest in philosophy, a place where he can express his moral opinions

And he’s great at debate. So I like to think he would go into political science. Not just because he likes debate but also so he can say he’s ’qualified to talk about this because he’s a minor in political science’

Kenny

Okay okay but imagine Engineer Kenny

He’s creative. He has the ideas. He has the ability. I like to think he worked a lot of odd jobs and got really into building things. And he decided he wanted to do that in his life.

I like to think he’s actually really smart. He just doesn’t really have the best home situation so he isn’t given as many opportunities as he would’ve liked.

Although I also like to think that he would buckle down in high school and actually gets into the top five for his class. He applies to pretty good schools and gets a near full ride for some of them. But anyway, I’m yapping too much

As for a minor, he, like Kyle, double minors. in accounting and math.

He wants to make sure nobody has economic issues like he had. And he has a leg up in what he does because he’s dealt with money his whole life practically.

He’s fairly good at math. Plus he’s already got a leg up, like I said.

ahe really pushes himself in college to become someone who can help people who were in the same situations as him. So he works hard and actually does good.

[everythingwasnormalhere]

In my class they're talking about autism rn, so some ND headcanons for the boys (main 4 + Butters)

Kenny: Definitely autistic it's so obvious to me for some reason Also PTSD. Dude dies 24/7 and has an awful family life what did you expect?

Kyle: OCD, I know it's a kinda popular headcanon but still

Stan: BPD don't ask why he gives the vibe Depression too because. C'mon it's Stan he's depression personified

Cartman: D.I.D. (this is @richierambles fault btw) (disclaimer: people with D.I.D. aren't usually assholes, they're mostly pretty cool. This is just a headcanon for a character that exhibits D.I.D.-like behaviours, who just happens to also be an asshole)

Butters: Autism but a bit spicier than Kenny's (autism4autism real)

[h-harleybaby]

hey babygirl

i come w a cartman request 🤭

cartman and the reader being friends with benefits and the reader being so stupidly horny that they call cartman and all but beg for him to come over and fuck them, and doesn’t realise just how badly they want him until he gets there.

reader is so desperate for him that he doesn’t even tease them too much. it gets him all worked up 😵‍💫

extra points if you include dumbification and/or breeding 😩

love u thank u 🫶🏼

Fae I’m literally in love with you I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THANK YOUUUUU

NSFW CONTENT

FWB w/ Cartman

• Fwb with Cartman is pretty interesting. He’s gaslit himself to thinking he doesn’t have feelings for you and you’re just really hot and desperate

• You’re stupidly horny for him tho, practically hanging off him half the time. It makes people ask if you’re dating and it just makes Cartman laugh and say no

• If you get upset with him the best way to let him know is kinda withhold sex? It’s the best way to get it through his thick ass head

• It makes him sooooo desperate it’s almost kinda cute ngl 🤭😩

• Anyways, you totally send him voice messages of you being super desperate for him and begging for him to fuck you

• Yeah I’m not even kidding, 4 minutes later he’s wheezing as he tries climbing into your window with a hard on because you took too long to answer the door

• Like he knew he was REALLY horny but he had no idea just how horny you were until he got there like GOOD LAWD

• He honestly didn’t even have to tease you that much and for some reason it turned him on that you were so needy for him??

• Well he can’t leave his favorite girl all needy can he? Nah, he has to make sure she’s more than satisfied when he’s done because he’s Eric Cartman god damn it and he thinks he has to be the best at everything he does including you

• Y’all fr fuck like rabbits, like with the breeding and everything. You’re fucked dumb and completely filled with his cum by the time he’s done with you

• Breeder balls? Maybe, I heard it one time 🤭

• He totally slaps your clit when you’re like that because he likes seeing the way you squirm and cry from being all overstimulated. Plus the way it drips out because he’s gross like that

• He probs jerks off and cums on your pussy one last time for good measure because he wants to completely ruin you

• Ugh imagine he fingers his cum back in you!! He probs mumbles something about how you shouldn’t be wasting his cum and how you look so pretty with it in you

• Yeah, safe to say he stayed over that night because by the time he was done the sun was gonna start rising soon. Might as well stay with his favorite slut, am I right?

[fennecfiree]

What I think south park characters usernames would be

Stan: Marsh_walker8

Kyle: 69ingchipmunks

Cartman: CartmanBrah

Kenny: KennyMcwhoredick

[richierambles]

More to the plural cartman batshit theory because I'm still thinking about it

I know it's not normal to have my brain so consumed by something that started as a fucking shitpost but pls bear with me

Disclaimer this is still a batshit theory and not rly that serious even tho I'm lowkey obsessing with it lmao

The Cartman System (i need to give them a name 💀): Alters List

Hitler: LMAO WAYS TO START IG- but listen up. It's one of the most obvious alters ever. Like, if they're a system, I'm 100% sure they have a Hitler factive. Probably he gets front triggered when he's gotta act more commanding and stuff - like in The Passion episode (extremely obvious), or when they "become a ginger". He also hates Kyle more than anyone in their system, for obvious reasons 💀 (I don't support antisemitism in any way!!)

Hosts: yes, I mean hosts, in plural. I feel like in the first few seasons they only had 1 host, but he was also slowly splitting, until in Kenny Dies he finally split in 2 to cope with it. One of the hosts (calling him A) is more emotional, kinda like a normal(ish?) 8-9yo, meanwhile the other one (B) is the manipulative asshole we know Cartman as. Moments in which I think A fronted would be when Kenny was in the hospital, saying he was his best friend and crying on Kyle's shoulder - B most likely had 0 control over it. Also, I'd like to believe A did want to use the fetuses to save Kenny, but seeing he was too late, B switched in to not be seen as emotionally weak. Usually they're both fronting together, but B definitely has much more control than A most of the time.

Jenniffer Lopez: another alter whose existence I'm pretty sure about. One of the first times she fronted was in s7 e5, and it started by her cofronting with both A and B (mainly B). But eventually B left front, leaving A alone with her. A is kinda a wreck so he was sincere when asking their friends for help, but as the end of the episode arrived, B fronted again triggering A and Jenniffer out, and acted like it all was an act and not serious. Jenniffer is also the one who wears drag confidently af- such as in the Make Bullying Kill Itself song.

Little(s): I'm 99% sure cartman's system has at least 1 little, if not more. I feel like one of the times in which we see them front is in Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut, when Cartman's doing a tea party with his stuffed animals. They're also the ones who play most with said stuffies - when most of the others are playing, they're actually communicating with each other in a more socially acceptable way (because cmon it's more normal to talk to your stuffies out loud than to yourself, mainly if you're 8-9yo)

By the way, I'm still by the beginning s10 so this will be improved as I watch more episodes :)

[that-kid-fromtheplayground]

hiii since requests are still open can i request headcanons for eric and clyde (separately) about how they would show off their s/o?

also im a dummy and accidentally unfollowed when i was trying to send this in 😭

🄲🄰🅁🅃🄼🄰🄽 🄰🄽🄳 🄲🄻🅈🄳🄴 🅂🄷🄾🅆🄸🄽🄶 🄾🄵🄵 🅃🄷🄴🄸🅁 🅂/🄾! 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚒𝚜 𝚔𝚎𝚙𝚝 𝚊𝚜 𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛 𝚗𝚎𝚞𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚕!!

♥🖍Cʅყԃҽ Dσɳσʋαɳ!!!🖍♥

♥🖍 -> Oh! You're the cute boy's partner!! And you're as cute as him!!! <3

♥🖍 -> Well, we all know that this brunette boy's way to show you off is mainly bragging your name into every conversation he has with anyone.

♥🖍 -> Like, they could be talking about the Biology project and he just goes ❝Uh, yeah, but my PARTNER's eyes are way prettier than that stupid cell drawing that you made Craig❞

♥🖍 -> And the better of it is that he says that with the smuggiest of grins as if he just said the better compliment you'll hear in your life.

♥🖍 -> Another thing he does is that he makes you wear his Baseball Jacket.

♥🖍 -> It's like it is marking you as his, and it also looks good on you!

♥🖍 -> And as it's fabric is very soft and warm I don't think you can really have a problem with wearing it.

♥🖍 -> Your friends tease you about it though...

♥🖍 -> But if you're also friends with the girls they're going to be all giggly while they say that you two make the cutest pairing of the school! [obviously after Tweek and Craig though].

♥🍪Eɾιƈ Cαɾƚɱαɳ!!!🍪♥

♥🍪 -> I can't believe it! You totally made your way into his heart, didn't ya?

♥🍪 -> We all know him, and as the boy he is he is going to shove into all of his friend's faces that he got a partner.

♥🍪 -> Even more at Kyle's face lmao.

♥🍪 -> He knows that a way of showing the other love is wearing their clothes, so now he is going to plop his hat on you for no reason at all.

♥🍪 -> Oh, You're talking with Tolkien? Okay, but *plop* now you have to wear his hat.

♥🍪 -> He also is going to try and make you wear a pin that says "Cartman's bitch. DO NOT touch"

♥🍪 -> It sounds funny, at least for him because you aren't going to wear it and you made yoursel f clear about that.

♥🍪 -> Also, If you happen to pass by when he is with someone, he is going to point your way and tell the other person that you are his bitch, he knows them or not lmao.

♥🍪 -> Anyways, we all know that he does this in a kind-hearted way [or at least, most of the time-] so don't you worry! If you tell him "Stop" he will do so.

♥🍪 -> We all love how you're his little soft spot <3

[nwjn-z]

𝐒𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐡 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐌𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐅𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐏*𝐫𝐧 𝐋𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐬

warning(s): nsfw, swearing, straight up p*rn

author’s note: i was going through my bookmarks and thought of this, they are aged up to be in their 20s don’t be weird

⭑ kyle broflovski

is such a love maker but can also be so rough. absolutely loves using your clothes as leverage to fuck you. has ripped multiple skirts, panties, and dresses before bc he doesn’t realise his own strength when he is pulling on them bc he gets so lost in how good your pussy feels. he’s addicted. (it’s okay bc he bought you new ones to say sorry)

⭑ stan marsh

love love loves lazy but still rough sex. he loves laying back and watching you bounce yourself on his dick while pulling your hair and slapping your ass. music in the back is a must when yall are fucking. loves praising you.

⭑ kenny mccormick

loves hitting it from the back. he’s a certified freak but sometimes he likes to really enjoy simple sex yk? but what he loves most is when you rock yourself back on him and use his cock to get yourself off. he thinks it’s the hottest shit ever seeing you eagerly fuck your self with his dick.

⭑ eric cartman

rough. hard. and fast. would best describe sex with eric. one thing him and kyle have in common is being the roughest guys in bed. he literally fucks you into the mattress. loves pushing down on your waist and drilling himself in you.

[gabrielora]

South Park head-canons:

The Rocky Horror Picture Show was Cartmans childhood movie. His mom was on some pretty heavy drugs when he was 5-6 years old so she didn’t care much about what he was watching, this also further set them back into poverty so the only movies Cartman had at home were some VHS tapes and CDs Liane had from her childhood or her early 20’s. One of these CDs is The Rocky Horror Picture show. He ends up showing Kenny the Rocky Horror picture show when they’re both around 7, and then the rocky horror virus spread across their friend groups by the time they’re all teens.

[amarthine]

𖦹 synopsis. dating headcanons w the main four — how they treat you in a relationship.

disclaimers. none

note. first post !

butters stotch.

butters is truly a real sweetheart, but he is obviously and unfortunately very gullible at times.

cartman being the one whom sets up the whole thing.

he still gets grounded alot, but not as much. Yet his parents find reasons to still do it anyways.

Sweet boyfriend, friend, and person to be around overall.

definitely asks the guys on advice on how to approach you.

they ripped on him for his blooming crush on you obviously.

shocked when they found out that Butters managed to be bold and actually succeeded in asking you out.

when you guys had your first kiss he got so flustered and blushy, muttering “oh gee”s and such.

hand holding turned into cuddling, and then turned into kissing, and then all three became regular to almost everyday things.

good relationship, for the most part.

eric cartman.

oh my!

an interesting person to date, though it is surely an experience.

he’ll tone down the taunting and insults, he truly does like you after all.

It was shocking when you two got together, shocking. Especially to Kyle.

i mean, he could be really sweet. but he’s still cartman.

he actually get jealous pretty easily, hes also just a very controlling person, someone who wants things to be done his way, or to have authority over someone. he manipulates situations almost daily just because he doesn’t like how something turned out.

absolutely kept his crush on you a secret, but his friends eventually found out.

he can be somewhat sweet in very, very rare moments, even if he acts he absolutely hates it, still does it.

after your first kiss he was stunned for a moment.

he was surprised at himself, but said his small and weak goodbyes and went home.

he enjoyed it though, even if it was just a quick peck.

kenny mccormick.

one of most perverted boys you’ve met so far.

this man is NASTY with the things he say under his parka.

he was smooth when he came up to you, but was somewhat nervous.

same as the last two, absolutely got roasted when they found out his crush on you.

surprisingly, you were the one to initiate the first kiss.

he can’t afford taking you on dates but hes a resourceful guy when he wants to be, and he could come with some good ideas.

he works at city wok, so he earns at least okay money often. Enough for most basic essentials.

can be very flirty and romantic at times, a caring boyfriend most of the time.

you take care of Karen often, even bring both of them food sometimes.

Hes a very physical man which is is relatively obvious, always holding you, your hand, anywhere really.

Just loves being around you in all honesty.

Has definitely visited you as Mysterion before, even before you two started dating just so he can try and shoot his shot.

kyle broflovski.

he is such a great boyfriend, hes just soo

took almost half a year to confess to you, his friends kept ripping on him, and he just caved in after the taunting got to him.

study dates are a regular thing, even then you two can get a little bit distracted.

first kiss was genuine and sweet, yet quick, and it felt like it was from the movies.

Stan never lets Kyle live it down for that one time he got caught gawking at you. ( he does it all the time )

he can get flustered a bit more easily than the others, but also wont be phased by much due to all things he experienced in his childhood.

Kyles tall, quite tall, yet no one questions because hes in basketball.

due to his height, he is really skilled at the sport, not only because of his height but also because of his great aim.

cartman has tried to ruin the relationship multiple times, and kyle shut that down real quick the first time it happened.

as we’ve seen, kyle has a tendency to lose his patience fast so that could lead to him sometimes snapping at you or anyone around him. though afterwards he apologizes tons.

“Im so sorry you didn’t deserve that im such an asshole—.”

amazing boyfriend though. :)

stan marsh.

interesting boyfriend.

he can often neglect you unintentionally due to his bad habits and unfortunate mental issues, especially after watching his parents as he grows up. he fears the same would happen to your relationship.

hes not the best at communicating his feelings with you, but if something serious is bothering him, he will tell you you.

he always just shows up at your house late in the night always because he “misses you.”

unlike the other 4, nobody except kyle found out about stans infatuation with you.

Until you two got together, that is.

first date was at starks pond, mainly sitting together as you talked and talked for hours.

threw up after your first kiss, but he pretty much thought it was worth it.

he once gave you a cool little sea globe thing, where it had dolphins and a lighthouse.

you two listen to music alot together, its a bit of an intimate thing for you guys. even during intimate moments there even just the quietest music.

he tries his hardest to not mess up with you, so expect a lot of gifts, affection, and or drunk paragraphs into the latest hours of the night.

[hannah-h-pleb]

Back with some more Cartman content because I love him 🤭

I’m going to give y’all some “Bully Cartman” headcanons. This is basically a scenario in which Cartman bullies you but only because you make him, “frustrated” if you catch my drift

Once again, everyone depicted in this is 18, so this will take place in late high school. Reader is female (or AFAB). There will be NSFW content so minors, dni

Bully! Eric Cartman x Reader Headcanons

Content Warning: NSFW content (minors dni), aged up character

In a scenario where Eric bullies you, just know that he doesn’t actually hate you, he hates what you DO to him

He watches you and how you interact with others. How you laugh with them, how you let loose and act all silly, how you smile with them, it disgusts him. Because you’re not doing it with HIM

It doesn’t help that you’re as attractive as you are either. He glares at you while staring you up and down. He likes what he sees, but that bulge in the front of his pants gets painful after awhile. You get him so turned on it hurts and you’re not even trying

Can imagine late at night when he’s thinking about you, he’s jacking himself off with a scowl on his face muttering about how stupid you are and whispering “I hate you…mh..I hate you” over and over until he cums all over himself. That’s when he finally draws the conclusion that he’s indeed attracted to you…

So, instead of taking a rational approach and trying to get your attention by acts of kindness or trying to initiate a conversation, he starts to act like a dick towards you to get your attention

How he does it varies day by day. One day as you’re passing him in the hallway he might knock your books out of your hand and tell you to “Just pick them up, it’s not fucking rocket science”, another day he might trip you as you’re walking to your desk and go “Aww, did the stupid bitch fall down and hurt herself?”

Hes not BRUTAL towards you, but he definitely harasses you every chance he gets. Here’s what he doesn’t realize though: While he’s acting like a pure ass (because he’s sexually frustrated af), you’re absolutely eating it up

You had secretly thought Eric was a very good looking guy despite how he acted towards people. But when he began to target you, that only added fuel to the fire. There was something about how cruel he could be towards you that gave you butterflies

In a way, he was winning. He had gotten into your head which is exactly what he wanted. What he didn’t account for was that you were going to play his game with him

So you fight back and mouth him off. Oh boy. He didn’t like that. Well, he did but only because it spurred him on even more knowing he was getting to you. What he didn’t like however, was how you were trying to take back power that was his

Can imagine that at some point he shouted “RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH” at you and you responded with, “Fuck your fucking authority 🙄✋” (you don’t know who you’re messing with do you.)

Eventually he finds out he’s right, you do like him back. And in true Cartman fashion he would devise a plan to get you alone and make you his (and force you into submission). And when he does…

He degrades you. He spanks you and smacks you around. Bites you. Chokes you out with his hands, and his cock. Absolutely ruins you by any means necessary. Most of all…he makes you cry. Whether it be by edging you or overstimulating you to the point of which you become so overwhelmed with pleasure that all you can do is cry and babble about how it’s “too good”, he will ruin you and he just loves it (corruption. kink.)

Remember how I said he’d make you get off on his shoe? Well, in this case he would probably say something about you being so desperate for him that you’d get off on his shoe. And when you do, oh best believe he won’t let you live it down

Don’t think he won’t punish you for all the times you mouthed him off either. Through orgasm denial yes, but he would make you cum on one of his toys before he fucks you because “only good sluts get his dick” (Harley you inspired this one too I know you’re reading 🥰)

“Awww, you DO like me~” he would whisper as you moan out when he slowly slides his cock inside you

Pulls on your hair as he takes you from the back. Leans down and gives you hickies all over your neck. He wants people to ask you about them so you’ll get all embarrassed before telling them who gave them to you. He wants people to know it was him and you were his

As he fucks you he would remind you that you’re just a needy little slut who loves his cock. Not only does he bully you in school, but he’s a bully in bed too. He would mock you for even wanting him, someone who was oh so cruel to you, and he would remind you who had all the power. Who made you feel good. Who owned you. And it was him

Wooooo. Definitely feed y’all a whole meal here. I had even more written than this but I had to cut out lots because it was super long. Needless to say a one shot is definitely in order so stay tuned 🤭

[pivatex]

✨cartman headcanons✨

the ones in red are his teen hc's

to all the ppl out there saying "ong hes german" YES. hes scottish AND german (liane is german, tenorman was scottish)

he has that strawberry brown typa hair that shimmers in the sun 🤗🤗

AND NO HES NOT A DISGUSTING DISCORD MOD LURING RANDOM KIDS TO BE HIS KITTENS. he'd prolly waste his time on reddit or the darkweb (he mainly uses tiktok, also quotes memes irl)

eric definitely took his mother's side of genes (appearance) bro has the longest lashes and the fullest lips (+bonus points for manipulation)

i can see him being a very touchy guy, like not to just provoke someone, he's naturally always clinging to something/someone

I GOT THIS ONE FROM A FIC ("triple layer chocolate cake and painted eggs for holidays" by creatortan) : once he visits someone, he always takes up the kitchen cooking, baking, whatever the shit he wants to do (in the end its always a full blown 5-star meal)

cannot for the love of god, speak nor write a single shit correctly. THERES ALWAYS SMTH THAT HE SAYS OR WRITES THATS COMPLETELY OUTTA POCKET 😭😭

he absolutely loves romance/drama movies BUT his faves are novels. u cant tell me otherwise. like he be sitting there on his bed, in the kitchen, ON THE TOILET??? only focusing on the book that he's reading.. also a very fast reader (his fav book is wuthering heights)

tweek's and his paranoia are equally as bad. the difference is that cartman learned to cover it up over time, mainly bc he'd be stamped off as "one of the disabled"

cartman has heterochromia, right? and bc of his one blue eye he's able to see and remember kenny's deaths (hes not a fan of his eye) thats why in most photos you'd see his left eye being covered by his hand, an object, anything. 🤯

the main 4, or anyone in this case, refer to scott tenorman and eric cartman, they like to use "the men" (bc of their surnames ending with -man)

after all the things he's been through, he will always hate the fact that ppl still call him "cartman" not "eric"

MAN I FUCKING LOVE MAKING HC'S FOR THIS POOKIE 😭😭😭☝️☝️☝️ (pls tell me if yall want more )

[everythingwasnormalhere]

I feel like when they were around 13yo, all the main boys had an alt phase

Stan's phase lasted the longest, he'd hang out with the goth kids (sometimes more than with his friends), and he'd dress in all black. He learnt how to do his makeup and always wore an unholy amount of it, and he acted the depressing way the goth kids did. He was this way until he turned 15 or so, and after that he dressed in more normal clothes, even though he kept dying his hair for many years after that.

At the beginning, Kyle would say he'd "never dress up like that" and that it was "cringe", but progressively he started getting more colorful clothes, more visible makeup and weirder items until he became eyestrain personified. He still insisted he "didn't have a specific aesthetic so he wasn't cringe"... Cartman disagreed. After that phase was over (and after he spent months insisting it wasn't a phase 💀), he refused to aknowledge he ever dressed like that, and he got a more jock-like style.

Cartman would always laugh at his friends' clothes all the time, calling them cringe and insulting them... yet, since he was 12 and till he turned 16, he was so much worse. He would wear a different aesthetic each day, some days it would be quite normal but others it'd be more outstanding than anyone else's. For example, he'd show up in clothes so dark the goth kids would be jealous, only to go to school in full drag the next day. At the beginning teachers would complain and students would laugh at him... after a few weeks, everyone accepted that's what Cartman was up to.

Kenny's style was definitely the least outstanding out of the boys'. Actually, nobody was sure of whether he was alt, or just too poor to get new clothes... He would at first wear his pants full of handmade-looking patches, most of them with cool designs such as hands coming out of the holes or ones painted like bones placed where the bones would be. Then, his parka got too small so he gave it to his sister (read: she stole it but she looked so cute in it he let her keep it) and he instead starting wearing old T-shirts of obscure rock bands, which also kinda fit his previous style. Besides this, he also let his hair grow, which he wore in a ponytail.

Butters' phase wasn't too long, since his parents wouldn't let him buy his own clothes until he was a teen. Because of this, he dressed like a little kid would for longer than anyone. When he finally could buy his own stuff, he wore dark clothes and dyed his hair magenta, and by Stan's suggestion he became one of the goth kids. He spent with them a few months, in which he became "real hardcore", but then he felt tired of feeling sad all the time and so he decided to stop being a goth. Since then, he wore clothes a bit more colorful (still mostly black and white, but he was fine with adding other colors), and although he kept dying his hair (and even convinced Kenny to get highlights on his), he was a lot happier feeling and wearing whatever he wanted. Also, since he turned 16 he also began wearing skirts sometimes :)

Extra: since Firkle was held back, he ended at the same class as Ike. Both kids became friends, and Ike joined the goth kids a couple months after Stan left