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myfandomrambles · 17 days

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C-PTSD & BPD Doctor

(Doctor Character Study part 3D.1)

An analysis of The Doctor as having Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) along with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). If you read my ADHD & Autistic doctor posts you will notice some symptoms overlap mostly with impulsivity. I chose to put C-PTSD and BPD as one post because symptom overlap is strong, and the disorders are highly comorbid

[Thirteenth Doctor will be in 3 parts due to length. Find the whole thing on AO3]

13th Doctor 1.

The Thirteenth Doctor is an interesting presentation of the C-BPD The Doctor has as she is both written and viewed to be very disconnected from the previous Doctor’s traumas, leading people to only see her dealing with trauma after she lost Gallifrey again and that the only trauma affecting her is The Timeless Child realisation. I posit that she always had trauma responses before TV: Spyfall pt 2. Her traumatic content in her body is held in the line of anxiety, hypervigilance, difficulty regulating emotions and being fully closed off about her history and emotions during her early stories. Trauma also comes out increasingly as a fight response later in her run, there are threads throughout her whole time making her very fascinating and complex.

Her agitation, agitation anger, hypervigilance, uncovering of past trauma and social difficulties and more are worth going through and analysing.

A place to start with some of the basic triggers The Doctor experiences and trauma responses. Commonly a fight response. These incidents do not only happen in ways that are not as extreme or disconnected from the situation she is in. (TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum, TV: It Takes You Away, TV: Resolution, TV: Orphan 55, TV: Fugitive of The Judoon, TV: Revolution of The Daleks, TV: Eve of The Daleks, Prose: The Good Doctor, Comic: New Beginning, & Comic: Old friends )

An interesting early reaction of agitation we see her venting her frustration of being “too nice”, a response that screams strongly of a trauma response due to the struggle of being stuck in a situation that she had specifically warned Yaz against. This petulant comment highly references a fight response. (TV: Demons of The Punjab)

Of course, some of her strongest triggers have to do with facing her old enemies who have caused her a lot of pain. In TV: Resolution we see how she deals with her first Dalek in this regeneration. Starting when she first identifies the Dalek and going forward she is in a state of hypervigilance and a very strong fight response.

“Doctor:...Let's see what we've got. No. It can't be.

Yasmin: Doctor? I don't like it when you go quiet.

Doctor: This is the DNA of the most dangerous creature in the universe.

Graham: Does it have a name?

Doctor: A Dalek.”

“Doctor: I'm going to find that creature.

Yasmin: You can't do that on your own.

Doctor: Always have done. Me and a Dalek, it's personal. Go on, get her safe.”

When faced with Cybermen she has a strong fear response that comes out in both fight and flight response and the need to protect her friends. The fresh loss of Bill to the cybermen along with other past people he’s seen become Cybermen, like Danny [this is an example even if he was dead to start with, the indignity in death still strains The Doctor’s emotions.]

We can see this in TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati:

“Doctor: One Cyberman, but then thousands. Humans like all of you changed into empty, soulless shells. No feeling, no control, no way back. I will not lose anyone else to that. Do not follow me.”

And continued into TV: Ascension of The Cybermen

"Doctor: I know.

Yasmin: They destroyed everything we brought with us.

Doctor: I know.

Ryan: We haven't got anything else to defend ourselves or them.

Doctor: I know! Listen to me. Do not argue. Go with the humans. Help them. Get them out of here. You won't make it back to the Tardis alive. Make sure you're with them.

Ryan: What about you?

Doctor: I'll hold them off.

Graham: How are you going to do that?

Doctor: This isn't a discussion.

Yasmin: We're not just gonna leave you.

Doctor: Yes, you are. You have to, all of you. No questions. Get out. I've been so reckless with you.

Yasmin: What are you talking about?

Doctor: You're human. If they capture you, they'll convert you. I'll find you. Get safe now!"

This interaction showcases a lot of the exhaustion and anger being triggered into remembering her worst memories, along with the reasonable fear of the situation and responsibility for her friends.

Emotional lability presents with The Doctor; depressive, hyper, excitment anxious, frustration, and hostility. (TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth, TV: The Ghost Monument, TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum, TV: Kerblam!, TV: It Takes You Away, TV: Resolution, TV: Revolution of The Daleks, TV: The Halloween Apocalypse, & Comic: New Beginning) A reference to this is mood issues is in TV: Orphan 55

“Ryan: I'm up for a free holiday. Where is it?

Graham: A place called Tranquillity.

Yasmin: Me too. So long as there's plenty of sun and absolutely no deep-space squid. Might get you out of your mardy mood.

Doctor: My mood's fine.

Ryan: That's you told.”

I will break down these emotions throughout the rest of this analysis.

She deals with a lot of anxiety (TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth, TV: The Ghost Monument, TV: Rosa, TV: Arachnids in The UK, TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum, TV: Demons of The Punjab, TV: Resolution, TV: Spyfall pt1/pt2, TV: Orphan 55, TV: Nikola Tesla's night of terror, TV: Praxeus, TV: Eve of The Daleks, TV: Power of The Doctor, Prose: Combat Magicks, Comic: Hidden Human History & Comic: Alternating Current).

The Doctor tends to show her stress in a way that looks like what we view as anxiety. She’s not afraid of being viewed as anxious by her companions. It makes perfect sense she would be anxious due to her current past situations. Her specific expressions come through clearly and I think this is to some extent something that she views as acceptable to experience possibly because it doesn’t give much away. The Doctor is also relatively aware of her anxiety an example can be seen in TV: It Takes You Away:

“The Doctor: All right, no need to panic.

Yasmin: I wasn't panicking.

The Doctor: I know, I was talking to myself. Cos all this is very wrong.”

A way we can see the anxiety come through is that she talks a lot when under stress, both in the way The Doctor does to stall for time when thinking of a plan but also when there is no automatically viewable stressor. (TV: Ghost Monument, TV: Rosa, TV: Kerblam!, TV: Demons of the Punjab, TV: The Witchfinders, TV: It Takes You Away, TV: Spyfall pt2, TV: Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror, TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati, TV: Ascension of The Cybermen, TV: Village of The Angels, TV: The Vanquishers, TV: Eve of The Daleks, TV: Legend of The Sea Devils, Prose: Molten Heart, Prose: Combat Magicks, & Prose: The Secret in Vault 13)

An example is in TV: Arachnids In The UK we see the habit coming up during social interactions separate from fighting or other dangerous situations:

“Doctor: Look at your views. Never had a flat. I should get one, I'd be good in a flat. I could get a sofa. Imagine me with a sofa, like my own sofa, I could get a purple one and sit on it. Am I being weird?

Ryan: A little bit, yeah.

Doctor: I'm trying to do small talk. I thought I was doing quite well.

Yasmin: Needs work.

Doctor: Maybe I'm nervous. Or just socially awkward. I'm still figuring myself out. You really like junk. Are you collecting it, like stamps?”

Hypervigilance related to anxiety is something Thirteen experiences. Here hypervigilance is related to more paranoid thinking, seeing a threat coming up and carrying stress and alertness in the body. This concept can explain some of where her stress symptoms are rooted in. Her life experiences keep her head on a swivel so to speak. It’s useful for her life and it only worsens as time in her regeneration passes. (TV: The Ghost Monument, TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum, TV: The Witchfinders, TV: Resolution, TV: Spy Fall pt2, TV: Orphan 55, TV: Fugitive of The Judoon, TV: Can You Hear Me, TV: Ascension of The Cybermen, TV: The Halloween Apocalypse, TV: Once, Upon Time, Prose: The Good Doctor, Prose: The Good Doctor, Prose: Molten Heart & Comic: Alternating Currents)

We can see her reference the way she views safety in Comic: New Beginnings, linked to how her hypervigilance functions in her life.

“Doctor: It's very rare to find true safety and certainty in the universe...”

Another moment we see The Doctor discuss her view on how they interact with safety can be seen in TV: Once, Upon Time:

“Doctor: I spend my life walking into new places and weighing things up fast. Who's who? Who has the power? Who's in danger? How fast danger is coming. Also, how likely my friends are to die. I've got good at figuring all of that out at speed.”

The Doctor even voices how she experiences hypervigilance in TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati:

“Lone Cyberman: You appear courageous, but your vital signs betray a heightened state of anxiety.

Doctor: Or as I like to call it, Tuesday.”

A related symptom of hypervigilance and anxiety is agitation. She shows that she is on edge and sitting at a proverbial level eight in stress. This expression of stress becomes stronger as time passes and with the experiences with the destruction of Gallifrey, The Timeless Child & Flux. ( TV: The Ghost Monument, TV: Resolution, TV: Spyfall pt2, TV: Fugitive of The Judon, TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati, TV: Ascension of The Cybermen, TV: Revolution of The Daleks, TV: The Halloween Apocalypse, V: Once, Upon Time, & Prose: The Secret in Vault 13)

In Prose: Combat Magics we see this reference when it describes that The Doctor is “prowling like a caged cat”.

Not having access to a full range of internal regulations can create conflict with other people.

We see when her anxiety is raised due to being separated from her TARDIS and being injured she becomes agitated and acts abrasive towards people trying to be helpful. She keeps talking and disrupting the ship in a conversation with the medical Doctor which could damage other people in TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum:

“Doctor: What were you worried about? Just as I was waking up, you... you saw something and you were worried.

Astos: No.

Doctor: Ooo, bad liar. Must be difficult in your job.

Astos: Hey, I'm an excellent liar.

Doctor: So you were lying, then.

Astos: I didn't say that.

Doctor: See? Bad liar.

....

Astos: Enough, now. You can't be in here. I don't know what that device is, but if you don't leave, I have to restrain you

...

Astos: Don't! If you interfere with the navi-systems, they'll take it as an act of hostility or hijack. They can detonate the craft.

Doctor: I'm not being hostile!

ASstos: Yes, you are. You're being hostile and selfish. There are patients on board who need to get to Resus One as a matter of urgency. My job is to keep all of you safe. You're stopping me from doing that.

Doctor: You're right. Of course, you're right.”

Another example of this can be seen in TV: Orphan 55 in her conversation after she has had to deal with a threat to her friend.

“Hyph3n: Guests aren't permitted in the... linen cupboard.

Doctor: How about Pan-galactic Standards and Practices Officer? Health and Safety? Security and Hygiene? Resort Inspector. Now, are you and your excellent tail going to let me have a look, or am I going to have to bark at you? Cos I will.

...

Doctor: Oh, yeah. Of course. Deadlocked room with its own armoury. Don't tell me. Honeymoon suite.

Kane: Hyph3n, what the hell are you doing? Who's this?

(She turns The Doctor around.)

Doctor: I'm The Doctor, and you, madam, are far too handsy.”

As we can see in these examples her agitation can come out as being abrasive with other people and it can cause problems when communicating with other people. (TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum, TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati, TV: The Halloween Apocalypse, TV: Once, Upon Time, Prose: Combat Magicks, Prose: The Secret in Vault 13, & Comic: Hidden Human History) We know she wants to communicate to some extent and will take in some of what others say but it’s still clearly a difficulty she has.

In TV: Fugitive of The Judoon we have an example of this.

“Doctor: She said she was my past, but I know my past, and she's never been me.

Graham O’Brien: I'm sure there's a simple explanation.

Doctor: Time is swirling around me. The Master, Captain Jack Harkness, Ruth. Something's coming for me. I can feel it.

Ryan: Let it come. You've got us.

Doctor: Ryan, I've lived for thousands of years. So long I've lost count. I've had so many faces. How long have you been here? You don't know me. Not even a little bit.

Yasmin: Don't talk to him like that.”

They say nice things after this moment, and Thirteen appears to appreciate what they are saying. The TARDIS sides with them as well, and they quickly get into their next adventure and we see it takes a lot of time for them to fully communicate.

Thirteen’s trauma causes her to tend to have a proverbial film between her and her companions, or ‘fam’ as Thirteen refers to them. This version of The Doctor very rarely lets them into her history and her inner world. We see her care about her companions in series Eleven at the same time they know very little about her. She will let them in on her nerves, and she asks for reassurance from them. But they don’t know the why behind any of it, and even the emotions she does share very rarely go deep. She oscillates between wanting them to close because she cares for them, and holding herself behind a wall. ( TV: It Takes You Away, TV: Resolution, TV: Orphan 55, TV: Ascension of The Cybermen, & TV: Revolution of The Daleks)

This is very pronounced in the way it takes till TV: Spyfall Pt. 2 for her to tell them even the basics like her home planet, age or regeneration.

“Graham: They're right. Five planets, you've barely said a word.

Doctor: I'm fine.

Graham: Why don't you ever share anything with us?

Doctor: I share stuff.

Graham: Not about yourself, though.

Ryan: Yeah, you know everything about us.

Yasmin: And we know nothing about you.

Doctor: Fine. What do you want to know?

Graham: Who are you, Doc? I mean, really.

Doctor: I was born on a planet called Gallifrey in the constellation of Kasterborous. I'm a Time Lord. I can regenerate my body. I stole this Tardis and I ran away. I've been travelling ever since. The Master was one of my oldest friends. We went very different ways. Questions?”

In TV: Resolution we see another nod towards this wall she keeps with her companions.

“Doctor: Ryan's Dad.

Yasmin: It's complicated.

Doctor: Yeah. Dads are, so I've heard.“

This shows a bit of how the wall works, she is a father in multiple ways over time and has Susan who is her granddaughter. Past Doctors have mentioned they were fathers, even if they tend to never go into much of it. Twelve says “Dad skills”. (TV: Listen) Ten tells Donna about his children whom he lost in TV: The Doctor’s Daughter. Not only does she not tell any of them about having children she explicitly says that she’s only heard about it. While a small moment compared to others it’s still an example of her tendency to isolate her heart from her friends.

This can also be seen as the line of purposeful self-isolation. Just not sharing but pushing other people away. (TV: Orphan 55, TV: Fugitive of The Judon, TV: The Halloween Apocalypse, TV: Village of The Angels, TV: Eve of The Daleks)

A humorous reference is made towards The Doctor’s broken communication style in TV: Orphan 55.

“Doctor: Oh. Come on. This is not the way to resolve a family dispute. How about good old-fashioned passive-aggressive discussion?”

While a joke it shows the cynical mind state The Doctor is in this episode, and also is honest for this Doctor. She doesn’t spend a lot of energy on her communication.

In instances where she is fighting a bad guy, she can come across as less anxious when she is 1-on-1 with an enemy than in other situations. (TV: Rosa, TV: Demons of the Punjab, TV: Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror, TV: Ascension of The Cybermen, TV: The Halloween Apocalypse, TV: The Vanquishers, TV: Eve of The Daleks, TV: Power of The Doctor & Prose: The Secret in Vault 13). During TV: It Takes You Away The Doctor shows a lot of anxiety when only with friends or with other people but shows more competence when talking to the Solitract.

This Doctor also struggles with impulse control. (TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum, TV: Demons of the Punjab, TV: Kerblam!, TV: Spyfall pt2, TV: It Takes You Away, TV: Resolution, TV: Ascension of The Cybermen, TV: Eve of The Daleks & Prose: The Secret in Vault 13)

She can become very wreckless at times, her impulse control putting herself and/or others in danger. This behaviour is seen right away during TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth. We see The Doctor be willing to jump distances, wanting to turn on sirens, taking Ryan Sinclair’s phone and reworking it before even thinking to ask. In TV: The Witchfinders we see her dive headfirst into the water to save someone, while the right thing to do, it shows a degree of acting without fully considering possible consequences.

The behaviour can veer into recklessness. We can see this starting all the way back in her first episode in TV: The Woman Who Fell To Earth she starts her life jumping distances she can’t fully judge as someone who has a new body. During TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati, she acts dangerously by taking the Cyberium in and then giving it over to The Lone Cyberma,/Ashad.

Thirteen deals with a lot of anger (TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth, TV: Rosa, TV: Spyfall pt2, TV: Orphan 55, TV: Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror, TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati, TV: Ascension of The Cybermen, TV: War of the Sontarans, TV: once, Upon Time, TV: Village of The Angels, TV: Survivors of The Flux, Prose: Combat Magicks, & Prose: Molten Heart) Which gets worse after the destruction of Gallifrey and the retraumatization.

In TV: The Timeless Children we see a lot of a fight response coming out as anger. Starting with her interactions with The Master before the reveal. While commenting on The Master’s problems and his anger you can see and feel how she is angry and intentionally getting The Master worked up with her prodding.

“Master: ... All gone now. Come on, ask me why I did this.

Doctor: Why did you do this?

Master: Not telling you. (laughs) Oh, crack a smile.

Doctor: Proud of yourself?

Master: Definitely.

Doctor: All this death finally made you happy?

Master: Ecstatic.

Doctor: And has it calmed all the rage?

Master: I don't think anything will ever do that. We're going to take a tour through the Capitol. Or its ruins, at least. Things I need to show you. And, er, I know you're worried about your friends. Plotting how to get away. I can see it in your eyes. But you can't help them, so don't even think about it”

Her reaction when faced with the memories of her abuse later in this episode causes a strong fight trauma response. She physically attacks The Master in an explosive outward response of anger. We know when The Doctor uses anything physical with her own body it is actions like Venusian Aikido that act as a quick disabling move versus these more unplanned and violent actions. It makes sense that this moment would push her over the edge, but it’s interesting to mark as we move forward.

In TV: Revolution of The Daleks The Doctor tells Ryan about her anger after the events of her loss of Galifrey, people dying, the Timeless Children revelations and the interactions with The Master.

“Ryan: And The Master? What did he want with you?

Doctor: It doesn't even matter now.

Ryan: No, no, no. Don't give me that. Right? I see what you're doing. You're trying to avoid the subject. We've known each other long enough now. I know when something's changed.

Doctor: Me too. I'm not who I thought I was, Ryan. What I always knew to be the story of my life... isn't true. I wasn't born on Gallifrey. Where I'm from, all the lives I've lived, some of that has been hidden from me, and I don't even know how much.

Ryan: Seriously? And how do you feel about that?

Doctor: Mostly... angry. While I was locked away, all I kept thinking was, if I'm not who I thought I was, then who am I?

Ryan: You're The Doctor. Same as before, same as always.

Doctor: Right. Same Doctor, same Ryan. Nothing's changed.

Ryan: No. No. I didn't say that, did I? Things change all the time, and they should, cos they have to..."

This is an interesting conversation as it reveals the emotional state of The Doctor and how this emotional instability forces her to be willing to sacrifice a TARDIS, something we know has consciousness. Her fight response is very clear here, breaking through her common engaged and anxious headspace.

Her anger and frustration can also come out cold, especially when dealing with people she doesn’t like. It heavily connects to a jaded sense of dealing with other people, she tries to be positive but there is anger and bitterness that highly impact her and can form an interesting dichotomy with her love and enjoyment. (TV: The Woman Who Fell To Earth, TV: Arachnids In The UK, TV: The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos, TV: Resolution, TV: Spyfall pt1/pt2, TV: Orphan 55, TV: Fugitive of The Judoon, TV: The Timeless Children, TV: Revolution of The Daleks, & Prose: The Good Doctor)

In TV: Rosa we see this ability to have her anger come across as cold, this allows her to stay in charge of a situation while still expressing her anger outwards to people she doesn’t trust or does not need/don’t deserve her to empathise with them like in TV: Rosa.

“Doctor: ...So, temporal displacement weapon. Horrible things. Can't stand them.

Krasko: Thank you.

Doctor: Not a compliment. Takes a lot of power to displace things in Time. I think you and I both know your weapon's pretty much out of juice. And I've got your spare battery. You've been leaving traces of residual Artron energy all over 1955.

Krasko: And what are you, the Artron Police? Maybe you are. The blue box in the alley. Is it a Tardis?

Doctor: Might be. What's it to you?

Krasko: Well, it could be worth a lot.

Doctor: Nah, not that one. Second hand, huge mileage, one careless owner. Mind you, it's better than a Vortex Manipulator, like the one on your wrist. Cheap and nasty time travel.

Doctor: So, what do you want with Rosa Parks?

Krasko: Who?

Doctor: Oh, now you're being annoying.

Krasko: The feeling's mutual.

Doctor: How long have you been here?

Krasko: Get out of Montgomery.

Doctor: You're not the first to say that to us.

Krasko: If I see any of you again, I will kill you.

Doctor: Don't threaten me.”

Her agitation, anxiety and hypervigilance can leave her in a very restless state. (TV: The Woman Who Fell To Earth, TV: Arachnids in The UK, TV: Kerblam!, TV: It Takes You Away, TV: Spyfall pt1/pt2, TV: Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror, TV: Praxeus, TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati, TV: The Halloween Apocalypse, Prose: The Secret in Vault 13, Comic: New Beginnings, & Comic: Alternating Current)

The Doctor shows a strong need to be in control of situations, when she isn’t able to have a handle on the situation it increases the above-mentioned stress symptoms. She also uses her cold anger to maintain her control. (TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth, TV: The Ghost Monument, TV: Arachnids In The UK, TV: Kerblam!, TV: Orphan 55, TV: Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror, TV: Praxeus, TV: Ascension of The Cybermen, TV: Village of The Angels, TV: Survivors of The Flux, Prose: Combat Magicks, Prose: The Good Doctor, & Comic: Hidden Human History)

The above quote from TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum after the loss of her TARDIS also shows the need The Doctor has to control the staff of the ship as well as putting her needs above the others when in a distressed state. In TV: The Witchfinder we see how being perceived as female puts her in a space where she is seen as having to automatically be less powerful, she consistently pushes back, and while warranted the way she goes about it matches other times she tries to maintain control.

In TV: Fugitive Of The Judoon we have the way she tries to control the situation when the Fugitive!Doctor is trying to handle things. Thirteen can’t help but try to be the one who is manipulating events.

“Fugitive!Doctor: She's nobody.

Doctor: Fine. I'm nobody. Absolutely nobody. See, I know why you want her. You've got a contract, fair enough. But you? You want her dead because she left her job?

Fugitive!Doctor: Shut up.

Gat: Is that what she told you? This goes way higher than me.

Doctor: So, who would that be? Who are you all ultimately working for? I'd really like to know. Really.

Judoon: Information confidential.

Fugitive!Doctor: I told you to keep quiet.

Doctor And look where that's gotten us. Lots of guns in lots of faces.

Fugitive!Doctor: And have you got a better idea?

Doctor: I do, actually. My favourite. The curveball and the Judoon. You wanted to find The Doctor?

Fugitive!Doctor: Don't you dare.

Doctor: Well, here I am.

Fugitive!Doctor: Will you be quiet?

Doctor: Go on, scan me.

Judoon 2: Fugitive match positive. Fugitive match positive.

Fugitive!Doctor: Is there even a word for how dumb you are?

Doctor: Doctor?”

In TV: War of the Sontarans we see how The Doctor challenges the power structure out on the field of battle, knowing she is the best option for survival, as well as having a dislike for those in charge. The people she is around don’t trust her to handle what she can because of her perceived gender and her wanting to avoid violence on the soldiers.

A way this control is sometimes maintained is through having a bravado of how she interacts with other people. (TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth, TV: The Ghost Monument, TV: The Witchfinders, TV: Spyfall pt2, TV: Village of The Angels, TV: Survivors of The Flux & Prose: Combat Magicks)

This can play into overconfidence like when she goes to face the Dalek in TV: The Eve of The Daleks getting her and her friends exterminated. This shows again in TV: Power of The Doctor when she takes time to gloat towards The Master and ends up getting shot and regenerating.

In TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati we have an interesting comment on the power and control in her relationships and how it isn’t always something The Doctor wants but has become what they feel they have to do:

“Doctor: ... The world you came from, the world you were created in won't exist, so neither will you. It's not just his life at stake. It's yours. You want to sacrifice yourself for this? You want me to sacrifice you? You want to call it? Do it now. All of you. Yeah. Cos sometimes this team structure isn't flat. It's mountainous, with me at the summit in the stratosphere, alone, left to choose. Save the poet, save the universe. Watch people burn now or tomorrow. Sometimes, even I can't win.”

This line means The Doctor doesn’t like control, but shows that control has become compulsive and built into how they function on a base level.

While Thirteen doesn’t talk about her past regenerations or the ideal of The Doctor it’s still a huge part of her schema. ‘The Doctor is an ideal can be seen in this Doctor even if she talks about it less than the previous regenerations. But her struggles with identity are still very visible before and after the Timeless Child.

She seems somewhat afraid of who she is. As discussed above she kept a film between her and her companions which makes it easier for her to not have to fully face it. Some of this seems to stem from her introduction to this regeneration being born from the suicidal space Twelve lived in. As well as she has lost many companions in ways where they are cut off and the perceived betrayal of Missy. As well as her first adventure ending with Grace dying. Forming the idea of who she is while she is still 'fizzing'. (TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth)

Her strong identity issues spiral out of control after the loss of Gallifrey and then the Timeless Child. (TV: Arachnids In The UK, TV: Demons of the Punjab, TV: Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror, TV: The Timeless Children, TV: Revolution of The Daleks, TV: The Halloween Apocalypse, TV: Once, Upon Time, TV: Village of The Angels, TV: Survivors of The Flux & TV: The Vanquishers)

In TV: Resolution we see The Doctor discuss her identity in terms of her long and horrible relationship with the Daleks.

“Doctor: I learned how to think like a Dalek a long time ago.”

“Doctor: Oh, mate. I'm The Doctor. Ring any bells?”

She doesn't seem happy about her being able to understand Daleks, understandably she dislikes weapons and hides a lot of the violence-related trauma she has. Trying to integrate all of history is extremely hard for Thirteen who deeply wants to be a good and hopeful person. But in the second line when no one is looking at her she experiences glee in scaring the Dalek. She owns her name/title very strongly to get one up on the Dalek, but it hurts to do so when she would have to do more than threaten an enemy.

Another key part of This Doctor’s characterization is a consistent need to present herself as hopeful and nice, moralising for herself and others, and her history of connection to violence. She wants to consistently try and give people hope, even if her ability to feel it herself might be affected due to the stressful mindset her C-PTSD puts her in during the early part of her run and becomes stronger as time goes on.

Right off the bat in TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth we get a very prototypical Doctor quote while she is getting in touch with who is going to be.

“Doctor: We're all capable of the most incredible change. We can evolve while still staying true to who we are.”

“Doctor: There's one thing I'm certain of. When people need help, I never refuse.”

A moment of trying to give others hope that is deeply genuine even with the grief overlaying it was in TV: Demons of The Punjab. During the wedding scene, she wants to believe and wants to be kind. And it was kind. She understands war, grief, and the loss of those closest to you. These are the moments when the silly old-time traveller is truly The Doctor.

“Doctor: I know there aren't many certainties in any of our lives, but Umbreen, Prem, what I see you in you is the certainty you have in each other. Something I believe in my faith. Love, in all its forms, is the most powerful weapon we have, because love is a form of hope and, like hope, love abides in the face of everything. You both found love with each other. You believed in it, you fought for it, and you waited for it. And now, you're committing to it. Which makes you, right now, the two strongest people on this

planet. Maybe in this universe.”

A similar situation happens in TV: The Tsuranga Conundrum where The Doctor invokes hope in a way that is both being kind as well using the idea as an identity support.

“Doctor: Thank you, Mabli. I'll be sure to tell them how brilliant you were.”

Mabil: You all were. Light in dark times.

Doctor: People prevail. Hope prevails.

During TV: The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos we see her again invoke hope in a way that is slightly less meaningful and comes across as nicer than it does kind. It is part of a pattern she’s created for herself.

“Doctor: None of us know for sure what's out there. That's why we keep looking. Keep your faith. Travel hopefully. The universe will surprise you... constantly”

This functions as a pillar of their identity, needing to be a positive person to embody “laugh hard, run fast, be kind.’ Part of her need for control, and having a tendency towards black-and-white thinking.

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