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#kyle brovlofski hcs
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In my class they're talking about autism rn, so some ND headcanons for the boys (main 4 + Butters)
Kenny: Definitely autistic it's so obvious to me for some reason Also PTSD. Dude dies 24/7 and has an awful family life what did you expect?
Kyle: OCD, I know it's a kinda popular headcanon but still
Stan: BPD don't ask why he gives the vibe Depression too because. C'mon it's Stan he's depression personified
Cartman: D.I.D. (this is @richierambles fault btw) (disclaimer: people with D.I.D. aren't usually assholes, they're mostly pretty cool. This is just a headcanon for a character that exhibits D.I.D.-like behaviours, who just happens to also be an asshole)
Butters: Autism but a bit spicier than Kenny's (autism4autism real)
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garb-rage · 10 months
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Going Thrift Shopping with the main 4 (Hcs)
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🛼- Summary - Head cannons about your experience thrift shopping with the boys!
- Pairing(s)- (SEPARATE) Kenny McCormick, Kyle Broflovski, Stan Marsh, and Eric Cartman x gn!Reader
🛼- Reader info - gn!reader and established relationship
- Warnings - none! (Unless you count swearing ig lmao)
………………………………………………………
🐀 - Kenny McCormick -
He’s so down, he’s SEEN all the ice cold shit you’ve found, and wants in on the action asap
Kenny had known about thrifting for a while, but hadn’t put too much thought into it due to money being tight and all, but according to YOU
“You just have to know where to look”
“Trust me I know a spot” “trust me this is where the heat is”
And trust you he did, because after taking him to some fun spots, there was no going back.
Thrifting buddy 24/7, just LOVES looking at the old clothes and pretending to be an old geezer with you, it makes him giggle
Fr makes up stories about shit he finds, probably forced you to wear it and purposely make you feel silly
“THIS old sweater was worn in the trenches of Mexico alongside my great great grandpa” 💀💀 and it’s a Star Wars T-shirt
Purposely finds good and bad clothes for you and him (he has pretty good fashion sense so you KNOW when hes got a shit eating grin)
If the shop has changing rooms, expect long ass fashion shows, the man spends WAY too much time looking at himself. He probably won’t even buy anything 98% of the time!! He’s just having fun with you!
Honestly, neither of you fucking knew that South Park had so many little shops like that!! Small towns DECEIVE!
The both of you almost always get coffee after a haul, it just feels right
And showing up to Tweek Bros. In the new shirt/sweater/etc, he feels like royalty ngl
Overall Kenny really enjoys the time spent with you, and the small moments between showing each other items or clothes really makes him feel momentarily flushed (he sees this sparkle in your eyes and he can’t help but melt)
Probably calls you a Cougar if you’re wearing something he deems “old” smh 😔
Also expect lots of “this reminded me of you”s and its the ugliest t-shirt you’ve ever seen
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🧤 - Kyle Broflovski -
Ok he probably didn’t understand it at first and got kind of worried like
Is this your last resort 😔😔 he wouldn’t mind getting you something nice if you wanted 😔😔😔
You had to explain its a THING for you, like, it’s fun and you can find some pretty cool and cute things if you look hard enough!
Whatever, he wants to join in order to understand, and he surprisingly has good luck with good finds?? You’ll definitely force him to try at least ONE thing
Listen. This boy dresses himself like his mom still picks out his clothes ok. Button-ups, polos, nice jackets, Kyle’s a smartass and he wants to dress the part (😍) so for some reason it’s SO new to him, and he’s worried he’ll find something stupid and he won’t even know
Just wants your approval (he’s a sweaty nerd)
SURPRISINGLY, FINDS THE COOLEST THINGS! EVERY TIME!
Ok not every time but the matching old ass Terrance And Phillip shirts are a huge flex to him so hes happy
You’ll probably buy most of the things he shows you (they become your favorite and you wear them constantly)
Kyle and you are the same.like. “Oh this? Kyle found this necklace when we went thrifting together 🙄🙄”
And he’s constantly letting everyone know “Yeah this is a 1986 original Terrance And Phillip T-shirt matching with my partner 🙄🙄”
Everyone’s sick of it
You’ll go home with him after thrifting and Ike will TOTALLY make fun of you guys
Kyle, poor boy so In love, gets extremely giddy when you’re wearing something he found for you (blushing mess tbh)
Melts even more when you get some old stuffed animal for Ike and Ike ends up ADORING it (bonus brownie points from Sheila and Gerald)
He still doesn’t understand the whole thrift thing, I mean, newer clothes just last longer and fit his style more!! What!!
He enjoys going with you anyways and lovingly watches you get excited over small things like that <3
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🎸 - Stan Marsh -
Crazy not so crazy, he’s actually gone a few times, really likes it too if it’s a good day
This, of course, makes you SUPER happy and you’re instantly dragging him to every spot South Park has
When he was with the goth kids, he remembered them talking about it, tried it for himself and was slightly obsessed for a bit
Indifferent about most of it, just likes going for the old band shirts or something with a funny graphic on it
Maybe a jacket or two as well
ACTUALLY he goes insane if there’s a cool looking varsity jacket or some jerseys yet to be worn
Although,,,,,,he has the worst luck with everything he cannot find anything good or something he likes,,,,
It’s either got shit stains or beer stains or god forbid SHARPIE or PAINT like WHY are these here
You gotta step in and hand him some of your luck, he wants his punk rock t-shirts or whatever 🙄 (he’s eternally grateful)
Thinks you look super cute in anything you’ve found, but gets slightly impatient if you’re taking too long in a dressing room or looking In the same section for too long
If there’s a certain band shirt you’re both looking for? He’s going to the ends of the earth (Just in South Park) to find it for you
Naturally, you’ll both have a blast just talking about where things have come from or chuckling over something funny looking
You’ll dress each other up in jackets too big for each other, it’s sweet and innocent 😭😭✊
Shelley caught wind of you two going thrifting every so often, she’ll kick out Stan and just wanna go with you 💀💀
Spoiler alert Shelley has TOO much fun with you and it becomes a thing (much to Stan’s dismay)
You’ll MOST LIKELY find stupid shit with her and constantly “hahaha Stan would look fucking STUPID in this”
“I know right!!”
Randy saw you wearing something you had found with Stan, thought it was Sharon’s for a while and was super confused 🤨🤨🤨
Overall, super fun chill time with the Marsh boy you love him, go get Ice cream with him after a haul ✊✊
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🦝 - Eric Cartman -
“What the fuck are you wearing”
“It’s a cardigan I found doesn’t it look good!”
“Found where 💀💀💀”
ALSO DIDNT understand it and probably heard “shoplifting” instead of the former
You have to FORCE him to join you tbh and he suggested robbing Stan’s mom would get the job done faster, whatever
Pretends to be SUUUUPER bored and uninterested, like ugh he’s shopping? Says it’s totally gay
(SECRETLY LOVES SEEING YOU HAPPY 🥶)
Probably wouldn’t look around, just tag along while pretending to hate the entire experience (you know he doesn’t, you see his eyes go towards cool looking things in the shops)
Gets pretty impatient if he’s somewhere for too long, unless you REALLY beg him and find something that “meets his standards”
HATED thrifting until you found him a shirt without sleeves, looked corny as hell, had some bootleg graphic and inspirational quote and shit
Eric FELL IN LOVE WITH IT 😭😭 it showed off his muscles of course
You just HAD to get it for him, doesn’t stop wearing it, claims he found it until you give him the side eye
“We found it together 😍🙏”
“🤨”
You won’t go as often with him, but when you do (and when he’s not bitching about how boring it is), it’s actually a really fun time and he’ll make you crack tf up with snarky comments about things
He’s rude-funny and you are in love with it, especially when it’s towards something you like, you KNOW he doesn’t mean that bs towards you
Liane just HAD to mention that thrifting gets quite a lot of business in South Park, his con-man instincts went wild
Eric just wanted to start a business with you!! Resell items and clothes as if they were worth it! (They are not) fake stories galore!
Stop him before it’s too late please
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DAMN WRITING FOR THEM HIS DIFFICULT, HOPE ITS IN CHARACTER, FIRST POST YALL 💀🙏
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hunnysnoops · 27 days
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White Teeth Teens
Chapter Two: Favour
Kyle Broflovski x fem reader
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I used to think about myself like I was a talented liar.
Premise: You’ve been avoiding Kyle like the plague but when tragedy strikes the track team, you find yourself needing to ask him for a favour, you know what you have to do but you don’t want to do it.
CW: Vulgar language+humour / underage smoking / injury
MASTERLIST
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The weather had gone straight back to shit just like you predicted. You prayed that track practice would be cancelled due to the roaring sky overhead but god ignored you, turning a blind eye and offering nothing more than your coach nagging at you.
Rain wasn't any nicer to run in than overbearing and dry heat, it made you feel like a wet dog every time you had to wring your hair out or shake the droplets off your skin. It was no light sprinkle, the rain pounded down on the ground like bullets. It was so heavy that it felt like pebbles, it wasn't often that it rained in Colorado due to high altitudes but when it did, it came down hard and unwavering.
You had thought it to be a little dangerous running on turf in this weather but coach Dawsey blatantly denied any objections, sending you for another loop around the track the second you had a complaint. You were just glad that you didn't have soccer that day and wouldn't be going home covered head-to-toe in mud.
"What?" Tolkien asks you, it had been a little difficult to hear with his own breathing and the sound of rain on turf while the two of you were running cool-down laps around the outside of the track, it’s not like you needed them with the way you were freezing in the run. It was like coach Dawsey wanted the entire team to get sick, what was supposed to be a cool-down lap was working better to keep you warm.
"I said what time is it?" You repeat your question, using the heel of your palm to wipe your eyes. Each breath, huffing in droplets of rain where they rested on your lips.
"I dunno," He shrugs, "I left my watch in my bag," Everyone had either left their bags in their lockers or cars or like you, had been too lazy to do either and took the menacing odds of putting it under the bleachers and praying that whatever was inside wouldn't face water damage.
You let out a groan, at this point, you couldn't even feel your legs, they had gone numb beneath you. The sky above you was grey, it was only 4:30 in June but it looked like angry clouds had swallowed up the sun. "If the purge ever becomes legal, I'm headed straight for Dawsey." At your words, both you and Tolkien glance to where the pot-bellied coach is, timing the unfortunate guys doing hurdles, over and over again. He really had a way of actively pinning teammates against one another.
"Poor Adam," Tolkien says between heavy breaths. His tee shirt and basketball shorts are plastered against his ebony skin, you aren't much better off; your hair had been weighed down so heavily with water that it kept slipping from what you had tied it up in, so you gave up all hope and let it down to stick on your neck, flyaway hairs glued around your face to frame it. You were far from the point of caring about what you looked like, the only thing on your mind was going home and getting dried off. 
"I would feel bad for him if he wasn't so whiney," On the other side of the track, Adam, a brunette guy in your grade, was extremely muscular for such a lean guy, the perfect build for track. You could've sworn that his parents had put him on steroids as a kid with how defined his muscles were, you had been on the track team with him and Tolkien for six years now. 
Adam wasn't the friendliest but he was fast, so you didn't mind his shortness of conversation as long as he brought another medal to the trophy case. He is clearing the hurdles in comparison to the rest of the guys in the same heat, he made them look like paralyzed turtles. 
Tolkien shrugs "Yeah but we need him to win the relay," The two of you ran past the long jump team, each and every one of them is covered in sand without fail. All of them look uncomfortable, sending you knowing glances. It was an understanding that all of you wanted to drown Coach Dawsey in the steeple chase pit.
You had been wearing Tolkien's hoodie since the rain started, it was definitely slowing you down with the extra weight it had while wet but you preferred to be slower than usual as opposed to having your white tee shirt turn translucent under the rainfall. You tended to stick together during track practice since you were on the mixed relay team together, you also liked to think that you were considered friends; not just because you ran at similar paces but because he enjoyed your company.
Disregarding Tolkien's last statement, you push some hair away from your face "I should've skipped with Red." Red was the fourth person on the mixed relay team, making up for a pretty solid roster though you tended to skip practice when she felt like it.
"I was going to but you begged me to not leave you alone."
"Because I'm not a bum who signs up for extracurriculars and skips them, don't tell her I said that," You retort "I'm trying to be a good influence." You were nearing where the hurdles were set up and Dawsey blew his whistle repeatedly, before flailing his arms rapidly and singling out one boy for having a quarter centimetre of his toe over the starting line.
"If you're trying to be a good influence maybe stop smoking your body weight in cigarettes and weed."
You narrow your eyes, giving him a firm chop in the side of his midriff. His eyes go wide and he stops in his tracks to fold over, one hand clutching where you hit him, the other supporting him on his knee to keep him standing up. "Oh my god," You slap a hand over your mouth, trying to smother a laugh “I did not mean to hit you that hard."
"Nah, you're fine, I just need a second to catch my breath," He takes a deep exhale, waving you off. You stop next to him, standing awkwardly, unsure of what to do so you just wait for him to keep moving. 
"Hey!" A gruff voice calls out, travelling over the tumping rain "Is he dying?"
"No," You answer for Tolkien "He's good."
"Then get back to running!" The balding man screeched, you were surprised that the adhesive of his toupe hadn't fallen loose under the drizzle.
"Fuck you, porky," You say hooking one arm under Tolkiens to try and get the lanky boy to stand back up straight.  
"What was that?" Coach narrows his eyes at you.
"I said 'I'm on it'!" You yell back, lies seeping through the gaps of your teeth. Tolkien shrugs your arm away from him, giving you a quick thumbs up before he carries on with his quick-paced steps, albeit breathing a little heavier. You were sure that Dawsey had to be putting you through some form of child abuse. "What a dickhead," You mutter to Tolkien, eyes still trained on where Dawsey focuses all of his attention on Adam.
"I'm surprised you're not used to him by now," He says "Then again you're not the most tolerant person."
"I'm totally tolerant, I love gay people."
Whatever remark Tolkien was about to say was quickly forgotten when all eyes fell on Adam. The brunette boy's heel had skidded and slipped as he jumped a hurdle, he threw his other leg out to try to catch himself. Instead of landing on the flat of his foot, his heel rolled and he was quickly sent backwards onto another boy, Emmet, Adam's calf bending in unnatural ways against the turf.
Then came the inevitable snap like a plastic ruler, the bone in his calf had broken completely in half. The impact of the stumble caused the ivory to poke through the muscle and fat of his leg. He lay on the wet surface of the track with a sickening cry, Emmet pinned beneath him screaming out in pain. Two up-and-coming track stars down in the span of thirty seconds.
"Adam!" Coach Dawsey sprinted faster than he did to the fridge toward Adam, crumbling to his knees. While the coach was focused on Adam, you were terrified for Emmet. Adam's elbow went straight into his ribs when he tumbled back into him. Emmet was frantically trying to push Adam off of him, which was no easy feat since his entire body was muscle. 
"Fuck!" Emmet finally scrambles out from behind him, keeling over and clutching his torso. Everyone gathers around to watch the mortifying scene, both you and Tolkien stand at a loss for words.
"It'll be okay Adam," Dawsey sounds like he's being brought to tears, if there are any, they're washed away by the rain. He peals off his 'South Park Athletics' baseball cap like he's paying respects to a dead person, the front of his toupe comes up when he raises the hat, unknowingly exposing the peak of his shiny bald head. "We're going to get through this."
Coach tries to brush away some of the hair that had fallen onto Adam's face but the boy quickly slaps his hand away "Don't fucking touch me!" He spits "Someone call an ambulance!" Next to you, Tolkien gags at the sight of the mangled leg and split skin.
"You heard him," Coach Dawsey rises to his feet, trying to ignore the fact that his star runner's bone was sticking out of his leg in a mangled mess "Call an ambulance!" He yells, accusatorily at the group of teenagers in a circle surrounding him. 
"You're the only one with a phone on you, dumb cunt!" You call out from the back of a crowd to be sure he wouldn't scope out it was you who said it. 
He feels around in his pockets and surely, you're right. He made everyone leave their phones in their bags during the duration of practice. He quickly dials 911, while the line rings he looks at the crowd with furrowed eyebrows "Whoever said that, reveal yourself."
Everyone stays silent until an operator picks up on the other end.
After Chrissy drove Emmet to the hospital and Adam was rolled away into the safety of an overpriced ambulance, something else was worrying your mind now that their health was guaranteed- who was going to replace them?
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"Tolkien, I have a proposition," You had taken an unnerving b-line away from Heidi and found yourself at Tolkien's table where he sat with the rest of his friends, you were already drowning in axe body spray and aftershave but you needed an impromptu meeting, dragging Red to come with you so you didn't have to face all of that testosterone alone. "Come over here," You swiftly gesture for him to come sit at a vacant table with you and Rebecca.
You spent the entire night wide awake on caffeine pills, trying to figure out who to sub in for Adam. The mixed relay team before he got injured was perfect down to every minute detail, now you were short of your fastest runner, leaving you, Tolkien, and Rebecca to fumble around for a replacement since the coach was mourning the loss of his shooting star, who was indefinitely out for at least six months. It didn't help that Adam had taken Emmet down in the process, now you were missing two great assets.
Tolkien looks back at his friends who watch him with confused and unwavering stares before pushing himself away from the table with a sigh. Leaving his lunch tray behind, he slips into the empty table next to Red and across from you. "Yeah?"
"I need you to ask Kyle to join the track team," You say, though it was difficult enough to humble yourself down into admitting you needed Kyle. He ran faster and more consistently than almost every sprinter on the team, you had plenty of girls to sub in for you and Red though with Adam dragging his sub out with him, you were left with no replacement aside from Spencer Hollis who was the other alternate and opted to go on a road trip with his friends and come back only for exams so he was out of the question with the track meet in two weeks.l
"Kyle?" Red furrows her eyebrows, tone suddenly switching "That's your solution? He's not even on the team."
"He's really fast though," You begin to plead "I've known him forever and trust me, he is one speedy little fucker, I swear on my life."
"Not swearing on much," Red shrugs. 
"Why am I asking him?" Tolkien asks.
"Because you're friends with him," You were on the verge of pulling out the list of pros and cons of having Kyle on the team you had spent Thursday night making. "Guys, I begged the coach to let this slide and it was really embarrassing so can you please ask him? He said that he'll let Kyle join if he comes to the next practice and does well."
"You're at his house all the time, just ask him tonight," Red was nowhere near as invested as you were, hence why she skipped track all of the time. She wasn't worried about getting slow or lazy, she counted Coach Jackson's soccer practices towards track and ultimately figured she didn't need both to stay fit. Red always sent you to track practice with excuses for why she couldn't make it. 
"Why are you at his house all of the time if you hate him so much?" Tolkien sits still, trying to piece together any sense. When you were frantically texting him the night of Adams's stumble, he suggested putting Scott in his place. In your not-so-humble opinion, Scott was way too slow for the 4x100 relay. You scribbled around in your notebook, trying to work out his run times which you meticulously memorised and came to the conclusion that it wouldn't work no matter where you placed him in the relay.
"Because their parents are swingers," She says this with such ease, made sense with how much she teased you about it. You would've complained if you didn't poke fun at her for worse.
"They are not swingers," You address "They are just good friends that hang out a lot and in turn, I have to hang out with Kyle a lot."
Red and Tolkien cast one another a side glance before Red turns her attention back to you. "Do they 'hang out' a lot without you guys around?" She softens her tone in a somewhat condescending way, the same way you would talk down to a child. 
"They're not swingers," You emphasize, choosing to ignore the insinuations of you and Kyle which almost made you gag. "Please, Tolkien, we need this but don't tell him I said that."
"It's not really a proposition if you're just asking me to do something for you," He points out.
"It totally is, it's a plan of action," You say "Action which we need to take so we don't lose or get disqualified," There had been rumours of college scouts attending the track meet and you were in desperate need of getting a scholarship if you didn't want to be in student debt until the day they buried your cold body. 
"Just put Scott in," Red suggests and you give her nothing more than a cold glare.
"Next person who says that is getting anonymously cyberbullied for the next year," You say, pointedly at the two of them before running your hands down your face, nearing defeat "Why did it have to rain?"
"Maybe it was divine intervention," Red says, nonchalantly "I think Dawsey wanted to sleep with Adam or something and that was god saving him from getting molested by a divorced PE teacher." 
"He's weird but I don't think he's a pedophile or anything."
"You two are as fast as him and he doesn't give a shit about you," Red points out, one eyebrow raising slightly "Really think about it." Your mind began to wander to the way Dawsey always had a hand on Adam's back, how he always put him in the most ideal lane, and how he almost cartoonishly sprinted to his rescue when hit leg split.
"Maybe you're right." From the look on his face, you can tell Tolkien is calling back moments of Dawsey being a little too touchy with Adam. 
"Or maybe coach just likes him more because he's a straight white guy and I can safely say the three of us are not," You draw the pair's attention back to you "Point is, he's out, Emmets out, Spencer's out, Scott is not even in question and we need Kyle."
"You need him?" A small smile begins to play on Red's face. In the past couple of years, Red had taken to a more grunge type of style, causing her to look like Kurt Cobain's lost daughter who fell into a vat of bright red hair dye, which was currently growing out, exposing her dark roots.
"Nuh-uh," You say almost instinctively, absentmindedly folding your arms. "I didn't say I need him I said we need him, like collectively because we're totally pwned if we don't coerse Kyle onto the team."
"And we're one hundred percent sure Emmet can't run?" Tolkien asks "I thought he just got hit in the stomach."
"I asked him about it and he told me cracked his ribs and it hurts to breathe or something, I dunno but it's super fucking gay." Your eyes shift to Red "Not in a derogatory way but in a lame-
"Yeah, we know," Tolkien stops you in your tracks. 
"What a pussy," Red says, she isn't really tuned in, she's moved on to watching street fights online while partially listening to the conversation "It always hurts you to breathe and you're still running."
"That's what I said," You exasperate.
"It really shouldn't hurt to breathe," Tolkien says "Might be a little on the nose but you really need to stop smoking."
Red disregards this completely, "Ask Kyle next period or Tolkien could just text him." looking up from her phone to you "Or 1 could just text him." You and Kyle had texted each other a total of six times, this was no exaggeration, it was exactly six times.
Oct 11th, 2020
Kyle Broflovski: Is Ike at your house?
You: Ya
July 21st, 2023
You: Do you know where Kenny is?
Kyle Broflovski: No
Kyle Broflovski: I thought he was with you
You: K he's not
 "I can't ask him, I can't even breathe around him without gagging," You complain "Because authentic gingers have this really specific and pungent smell, like every single one, without fail."
Tolkien eyebrows are raised, wrinkles forming on his forehead "That might be the stupidest thing I've ever heard."
"What does a ginger smell like?" Red put her phone face down on the table, suddenly intrigued.
"It's stagnant and a little musty, not like body odour musty but more like an old second-hand bookstore that has mildew and black mold-
"I can't help but feel like we got off topic here," Tolkien abruptly cuts you off again for the second time that day "So can we just agree on Kyle so I can eat my lunch?" At this, you and Red nod, with no sense of disagreement "Okay, cool," The very second Tolkien stands up from the table, the bell begins to shriek, signalling the end of lunch hour. He throws his hands up in exasperation, looking woefully at his unfinished tray of food. 
You had been entirely too stiff when Biology class rolled around, more aware of Kyle's presence than usual. Fate, or perhaps the whims of the teacher, had decreed that you would be seatmates for the remainder of the semester. However, there was no friendship to be found between you, only a simmering animosity that hung in the air like static before a storm.
As the teacher droned on about cell structures and molecular biology, you and Kyle remained steadfast in their resolve to ignore each other's presence. You exchanged no words, no glances, only the occasional rustle of papers or the tap of a pencil against a desk.
Despite your mutual disdain, there was an unspoken understanding between you – a silent agreement to coexist in the same space without acknowledging each other's existence. And so, you buried yourself in their work, diving into the intricacies of biology as if it were a shield against the discomfort of your shared proximity.
You knew what you were supposed to do, but that didn't make it any easier for you to swallow your pride and ask Kyle for a favour. It was hard enough to admit to yourself that you needed him if you wanted to win the mixed relay which you had spent the entire year anticipating. With a deep breath, you replay how you'll ask him over and over again, being sure that you don't sound desperate.
"Kyle, have you ever thought about joining the track-
"Nope," He answers before you can even finish your sentence. Kyle doesn't even look up from his work as he says this, leaving you to stare at the side of his hooked nose before quickly looking down at your paper.
"Okay," you mutter under your breath, you were so quiet that you weren't sure he even heard you. The minutes ticked by, marked only by the rhythmic scratching of pens and the occasional sigh of frustration, you fell back to silence and didn't press him any further. 
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"I did everything I could," You greatly over-exaggerate the eleven words you had shared with Kyle in biology like you had gone to war asking him to join the team, in your mind, you had. Now you were picking at a basket of curly fries in a diner where you complained about your excruciating dilemma to your Bebe. 
"Everything?" Bebe quirks an eyebrow, taking a sip of her cherry coke, glossed lips pressing around the red and white straw. When she lifts them, there's a sticky residue of glitter on the straw  "What does this entail?"
"It entails Kyle being a dickhead."
"Yeah, I'm sure," She says, not an ounce of belief in her voice. She leaned back in the red leather booth. Bebe looks beyond beat (for her standards), she haphazardly tied her curly hair into two twin braids, mismatched elastics. She had been wearing nothing more than sweatpants and a tank top when you left her house, forcing you to surrender your hoodie to keep goosebumps away from her bare arms. "Should we go to Clyde's later?"
"Why would we go to Clyde's? It's almost ten," You furrow your eyebrows "I don't really wanna spend my Friday night third wheeling."
"You won't be third wheeling, it's not like we're dating or anything-
"Yeah, but it's worse to third-wheel two horny people who aren't even dating," You had a gut feeling that any day now Clyde and Bebe would become official, Stan was now taking Wendy's time back up, Nichole and Tolkien seeing each other on the low, and you were suspicious of Red and Heidi, now Bebe was going for her elementary spark. All of your friends were abruptly falling in love and no one gave you the memo, leaving you in the dust.
"So what better things did you have planned?" She steals a fry away from you, dragging it through the ketchup.
You shrug "Get high and look at pictures of Snoopy."
"That's more of a thing you do with Red," Bebe said. Despite the statement itself being true, you could tell she was trying to deviate from you to go see her new fling.
"So you're tyna ditch me now to go hang out with Clyde?" You fall short of the amusement that Bebe's trying to portray.
"What? no," She says this like your statement was incredulous "I'm just saying that you would have more fun smoking with Rebecca."
"And you'd have more fun banging Clyde?" You weren't sure if it had been the nagging feeling that all of your friends were leaving you in the dust and making time for better things or the fact that this wouldn't be the first time Bebe cancelled your plans to hang out with someone else but something about this conversation was irking you.
Her face drops "Why are you being a dick?"
"Why are you trying to get rid of me?" 
She wouldn't admit to it but it was true. Not that Bebe necessarily had strife with you, more so she tended to fall on the fickle side of things and being around you so much had put her into a rut. "I'm not," Bebe wrangles her mind to sedate this before it blows up "Sorry, can we please just drop this?”
Silence stretches between the two of you, if it weren't for the chatter of other customers and light buzzing of decrepit ceiling lights, it would've been utter stillness. Her icy blue eyes were peering into your soul, your hoodie hanging limp off her narrow shoulders.
You didn't necessarily want to leave it alone, you weren't one to lie down rather than win an argument but today your internal chemistry had been tweaked; for a moment you thought about letting it go, being rational and not provoking, which was so hard since it was what you were so good at. "No," You answer "I don't think we should drop it."
You can see the look of annoyance creep up on Bebe's face "Why?"
"It's better to talk about it-
"This always happens though," Bebe begins "I say something, you say something, and then we don't talk for a month so I don't think it's better to talk about it."
"Maybe there's a reason we fight all the time," you point out. There were at least one hundred reasons why you and Bebe fought all the time, mainly because the two of you fed into each other's agitation, putting the two of you together was like leaving a lit candle in the woods.
"I'm not here to psychoanalyze this, let's just go and get stoned." She pulls the final trick from her sleeve, pot to put this to sleep.
Bebe was the match to your kindling, the fuel to your fire and that's why you had been so off and on with her since middle school, you were like that annoying couple who kept breaking up and then exhausting everyone by getting back together. 
As much as you want to argue until your throat turns dry as sandpaper from yelling, you also want to get high and laugh until your lungs burn. "Sure, okay."
It goes quiet for another minute. Followed by another and another until you both accept that there's nothing more to say, you pay the bill and begin the trek back to your car. While the rain had subsided it was as cold as ever, always an unwelcomed familiarity that came with living in South Park. Even with summer inevitably approaching, the nights were still frigid after rainfall almost to the point where you could see your breath. 
Bebe had stolen your hoodie and left you shivering on the walk to your car. The diner parking was something outrageously complicated where you had to download an app and pay online, to which you were lazy and in being lazy, parked far away in a faraway spot. This had taken far more time to find the spot, park, and walk to the diner than it would've been to get an app and pay the three dollars.
You had clutched the pink bottle of pepper spray that was hooked onto your carabiner tightly in your hand, never too sure of who would try to get one on you while you found your way through the dark streets. 
Finally, after what seemed like a century of stumbling blindly through darkness, you made it to your car, parked in front of a locksmith. The street lamps were dim, you supposed it was nice that you didn't have light pollution in town but you hadn't even noticed the oddity on your car until Bebe pointed it out.
"What's that?" She squints her eyes before turning on her phone flash to inspect. 
There it was, unmistakable in the faint glow of a nearby streetlamp: a bright yellow clamp securing your car's front wheel. "Oh no, no, no!" Your exclamation cut through the eery quiet of the night "Fuck!"
"Oh, shit," Bebe mutters, immediately beginning to rapidly type on her phone, the blue light illuminating her tanned face, you heat the loud ding of a notfication.
Your hands find their way to grip your hair "What the fuck!?" You shout, louder than intended, your voice echoing off the surrounding buildings, the emptiness of the night amplifying your distress. "I don't have any unpaid parking tickets, what the fuck?" You repeat, mind running wild with how your parents would react. Your phone had died a little over a half hour ago so you were choosing to use that as an excuse to delay telling your parents.
"Look, you parked in a bike lane," She gestures out. Surely enough Bebe was right, you had and you were also inexplicably screwed over.
"Why didn't you tell me?" You knew Bebe wasn't to blame for your car being immobilized but a million thoughts were tangling into a jumbled mess inside of your head.
"I didn't see either," She looks up from her phone to where you frantically pace the sidewalk "Not my fault you parked in a fucking bike lane and didn't notice."
Your eye catches a slip of paper wedged into your window shield and immediately you reach for it. 
This notice is to inform you that your vehicle has been clamped due to a violation of parking regulations or outstanding fines. The clamp has been securely attached to your vehicle's wheel, rendering it immobile. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO MOVE THE VEHICLE OR REMOVE THE CLAMP.
Reason for Clamping: [illegal parking]
Location of Clamping: [Maplewood Street, v2ah60]
For instructions on release please dial +15392848788
Thank you for your cooperation.
You wave the notice around "Bebe take a picture of this, my phone died and I need the number," To this, she just stares at you blankly "Please!?" You insinuate. Panic is etched clearly across your features.
"Jesus, just relax," The irritation is obvious in her voice as takes a picture with a blinding flash not just of the slip of paper but of you holding the notice, eyes squinting from the sudden bright light and hair messy from nearly ripping it out due to stress. She looks at the picture she took and giggles. 
"Fuck off, can you be serious right now?" You're too busy thinking of all the ways your dad will execute you rather than the harsh tone you were using with your friend. He didn't speak to you for a week when he found out you were on birth control, you couldn't imagine what he would do when he found out that you had a fine. 
"Sorry?" She sounds like she's actually taken offence to your words. "I'm trying not to be stressed since you're two minutes away from tearing your hair out."
"Because you don't have to worry about your dad turning you into taxidermy," To others, this may have sounded ridiculous but you had no doubt in your mind that your father would take such extremities. "Can you please be mature about this?"
Bebe's eyes widen slightly, eyebrows raising "You want me to be mature when all you do is bitch and moan about Kyle like we're in the fourth grade?"
"Yeah, I wouldn't mind it." You snap. You weren't the most rational person, now desperately grasping for someone or something to shift the blame. 
"You can't get all pissed off when this is your fault," Bebe crosses her arms, physically getting defensive, the phone still clutched in one hand "You're the one who parked illegally."
"Because you told me to park in front of the locksmith!" You gesture towards the building you were now arguing in front of. The building itself looked haunted, the run-down locksmith shop stands like a forgotten relic amidst a row of bustling businesses that were kept with the care that this shop was definitely missing. The windows, clouded with grime and dust, offer only glimpses of the dim interior beyond. Some are cracked, their fractured panes held together by strips of weathered tape. The exterior itself was hideous, a bright yellow paint dulled by the passage of time that had orange patterns of keys and locks all over it, a sign above hung that read 'chipper locks' You didn't imagine that they got much business.
"You listened!" She deflects the blame like a game of tennis
 "No, I said I didn't want to park here because it's sketchy and I was scared a crackhead would hide under my car and slash my Achilles tendon when I got back in but you told me to stop bitching about it!"
"You're the only person on earth that would worry about something so fucking irrational, shouldn't you be stressed about finals instead of having nightmares about serial killers you made up in your head?"
"I didn't make it up in my head," You defend "It's all over like everything." It did quickly become a fear of yours since Nichole sent you a video about traffickers hiding under cars and slashing women's tendons, all she said was 'that's crazy lol' but it instilled terror in you and made you glance under your car before getting in no matter where you had left it parked.
"You're insane," She mutters, so quietly that she hadn't expected you to hear. 
Unfortunately for both of you, it didn't fall deaf upon your ears "I'm sorry?"
"It's okay," Bebe waves you off.
"No, I'm not apologizing," You furrow your eyebrows "You just called me insane, what the fuck, Bebe."
"Not in a bad way," Bebe hugs herself to try and fight off the cold. She doesn't seem to grasp the gravity of every word she spat out at you.
"How is there possibly a good way to call someone insane?" 
"I meant you're insane in a wild kind of way, like a party animal," She tries to climb out of the grave she was digging for herself. "Like, wow, this girl's insane," Bebe mimics in a deeper voice, trying to portray some frat guy referring to you like you are the life of the party.
You stare at her, mouth slightly agape as you process the situation. "You know what?"
"What?" Bebe tucks a flyaway strand of her blonde hair behind her ear, her messy twin braids swaying slightly in the wind. 
"You're a fucking cunt," You spit, pointing a finger at her in an accusatory manner, eyes narrowing. The words fell from your mouth like venom puncturing skin. 
Whatever Bebe was expecting you to say it wasn't that. She's genuinely taken aback and it's clear across her face, her eyes widened in disbelief, pupils dilating as if trying to take in the enormity of what she had just heard. The muscles in her jaw slackened, her lips parting slightly in a silent gasp. "Yeah?" She raises her voice "You're a little bitch."
"I don't really care," The two of you had an almost impressive way of taking things from zero to one hundred with little build-up between. 
"Do you care about anything?" Bebe's expression shifted subtly, betraying the undercurrent of annoyance coursing through her. Her lips pressed into a thin line, a silent indication of her displeasure, while her eyebrows drew together in a slight furrow, hinting at the frustration simmering just beneath the surface.
"You'd probably know if you weren't too busy trying to get dicked down by Clyde," You retort, the muscles in your jaw tensing up.
"At least I can get laid, you just wallow around in your own loneliness and get all bitter about happy couples for whatever fucking reason."
You completely breeze past the fact that she's right and scramble for something to say "You wanna be an author and you can't even read the ingredients list on a can of Coke," Though you tried to maintain composure, there was a flicker of impatience in your movements, a subtle stiffness in your posture that spoke volumes.
Her brows arched upwards, forming a perfect curve of incredulity. A flush of colour rose to her cheeks, a telltale sign that you had hurt her. "You're such a dick," Bebe says and a hush settles over you "You know your now a good person, right?"
“And you think you are?" 
For another time, the conversation fell into a lull. For a long while, you stood there in the cold, breath mingling with the frosty air, until a familiar car rolled to a stop right next to yours. It was Clyde's black Chevrolet.
"You texted Clyde?" This might've been what hurt you the most, more than any other sentence uttered that night.
"Yup, sure did,” Bebe turns away from you to open the passenger door "You have a huge pimple on your face by the way, it's literally the only thing I can focus on when I look at you, it's fucking disgusting." 
Your hand reaches for the small bump on your cheekbone on instinct "It's a spider bite, actually," You're correct this fact makes you seem high and mighty "Because I sleep with my window open."
“Oh my god," Bebe mutters, wrinkling her nose. 
"Does she need a ride?" Clyde asks eyebrows furrowed as his eyes shoot between where you stand on the pavement and Bebe climbing into the passenger seat.
"No, she's fine," Bebe answers for you, shutting the door. Inside the car, Clyde says something to her that you can't make out, just muffled mutters. In just seconds you hear the ignition start and watch as he glides down the road.
Your fingers curled into fists at your sides as a surge of newfound anger washes over you. As Clyde's car pulled away, disappearing into the darkness with Bebe at the wheel, the cold seeped into your bones, matching the icy chill in your chair as you stood alone on the deserted street.
"You're a fucking asshole, Bebe!" You shout after them though it's futile, you know she can't hear you, but it doesn't stop you from holding up your middle finger and cussing her out. To passersby, it probably looked like you had something in your system "And you're wearing my hoodie!"
You run your hands down your face, nearly scraping the soft skin with your fingernails as you pace around in a small circle. You were left with a car rendered immobile, a dead cellphone, nine dollars on you, and a home forty minutes away in walking distance, better start moving. 
Glancing at your car and the long dark road ahead, you quickly unlocked your car, hopping into the driver's seat and rummaging around in your compartment for a little bit of relief. You dig deep into the console box for a box of stale cigarettes you had forgotten in there, still it was better than nothing. You yank one out and let it rest between two fingers while you bring a lime green lighter to the end to ignite it.
The tip glowed bright orange as you brought it to your lips, inhaling deeply and exhaling a plume of smoke into the cool night air. You lock your car, tucking the lighter and pack of Marlboros into your pocket, snatching the notice from your windshield for the phone number and begin the trek home. 
While it was only an eight-minute drive, the walk was more strenuous. You wished that you had some heavily padded parka to wrap around yourself though you had nothing more than the heat radiating off the end of your cigarette, in your other hand you grasped to the pink bottle of pepper spray for dear life, the car clamp notice tucked under your arm. 
As childish as it was, you found yourself almost fighting back tears, that familiar feeling building in your throat like every awful thing you had ever felt was going to fall through the gaps of your teeth. You were sure that you deserved to be deserted on the damp streets, truthfully you didn't expect Bebe to show you any form of mercy after what you had said to her and you had proved to be correct on the matter. 
It was moments like this where you were sure there was nothing worse than making friends.
Maybe you would be a hermit for a bit, head straight home after track and soccer, then lock yourself away for the summer until you've reinvented yourself into someone a little more agreeable. 
The rhythmic sound of your breath mingled with the gentle rustle of leaves in the breeze, the chill of the night air nipped at your cheeks, but you pressed on, fueled by the knowledge that there would be a hot shower waiting for you at home. That almost cancelled out the idea of telling your parents you were getting charged for illegal parking and then explaining a fabricated lie to them that you smelled like tobacco because the man beside you at the diner was smoking. What a delinquent you were. 
As you walked, your thoughts drifted like smoke on the wind, swirling and shifting with each exhale. Memories and worries danced through your mind, fleeting and ephemeral, like wisps of smoke disappearing into the night sky. You were so close to subbing in Scott for the relay even though you had been so opposed to it since it would guarantee a loss but if Tolkien wouldn't ask Kyle then you would have to accept the fact you were bound to lose since you were cursed with a team that only signed up for track to skip school on the day of the meet and hang around the concession stand.
The quiet peace that you had lost in your own thoughts was quickly broken when you picked up on the navy blue car slowing down as it approached you. Your cigarette burns to the filter and you drop it to the ground, smothering the fizzing embers out with your heel as you watch the car for a brief moment before quickly turning and quickening your pace. Praying to every god you didn't believe in that this wouldn't evolve into something more.
When you speed up, so does the car. You're even more aware of your surroundings now, the mace firm in your grip, you kept one thumb on the top preparing yourself for the worst. "Hey!" A gruff voice from the car yells, he rolls his window down, you can't make out his face and you aren't sure that you want to.
This is all it takes for you to move from your fast walk to a run, ignoring the cold air eating away at the tip of your nose and the sharp burning in your lungs. The man from the car yells something else but your heart is pounding too loud for you to hear anything off in the distance.
Your senses suddenly heightened, a prickling sensation crawling up the back of your neck. You felt a surge of unease wash over you as the sound of an engine revving filled the air, growing louder and closer with each passing moment.
Instinctively, you hastened your pace even further, your heart pounding in your chest as you cast a nervous glance over your shoulder. Its headlights pierced the darkness like beacons of warning.
You knew you had to act fast, figuring that whoever was chasing you was the type to slash tendons and the streets were absurdly empty aside from you and the man in the car. With a desperate glance around you, you spotted an alleyway up ahead, a narrow passage shrouded in darkness. Without hesitation, you veered off the main road and plunged into the shadows, heart pounding in your chest as you raced for safety.
With another glance around, you finally stopped to catch a breather, trying to swallow up all of the air you could and think of what to do next, it felt like wild horses were racing through veins in the form of adrenaline. Your heartbeat pounded in your ears and your shaky breathing seemed to devour every last rational thought you have.
You renavigate your way home, trying to avoid the sketchy road where the man in the car was likely waiting to pull you in. You emerge from the ally on another street, clear of any cars, with a deep sigh, you light another cigarette, leaving you with an empty box that you toss into the nearest garbage. The nicotine had soothed you, the notice was now crumpled up into your pocket wedged next to your dead cell phone and your carabiner hung off one of your fingers, keys and mace clattering against one another.
Still, you were anxious despite the cigarette smoke loosening your tightly wound nerves just a little. You stayed hyper-aware of everything around you, walking as fast as you could before it classified as a run and being sure to remain silent so you could hear everything around you.
"Wait, man!" You hear a voice off in the distance and turn to see that navy blue car once again. You were ready to take off until you noticed something in the dim light of the street lamps. The face of a guy around your age, a straight nose and dark hair, Stan Marsh.
You pause as the car pulls beside you and you see the other faces in the car, in the back sit Cartman and Kenny, in the passenger seat is Stan's right-hand man and your least favourite person, Kyle. "Oh my god, I thought you were a pedophile!" Your voice picks up with agitation.
"Why?"
"Because you fucking trailed me with your car at night and yelled at me on an empty street!” You look past Kyle and directly at Stan where he sits by the wheel. You take one more long drag of your cigarette before snubbing it out on the pavement. Kyle wrinkles his nose at the smell "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
He gives Kyle a little nervous glance before looking at you "Wendy said something happened with Bebe and we saw you and figured-
"That you would make me think I was going to get kidnapped?" You almost want to drag him out of his seat and sucker punch you for scaring you so badly.
"Hey," Kenny chimes in from the back, he's smiling at you, a fresh scrape across his left cheekbone. "I texted you and you didn't answer."
"So-uh, do you want a ride?" Stan asks "Because you'll get kidnapped for real if you keep walking."
"We don't have room," Cartman adds where he sits behind Kyle, stretching his legs out with what little space Kyle had given him. 
"Because you're taking all of it up fatass," Kenny points out "Sit in the front."
"I don't want to be in the same car as a junkie, she'll probably stick us with needles and get us all addicted to heroin." Cartman was well bundled up on this chilly night, a grey hoodie and flannel hanging overtop.
Stan ignores this comment "So?"
You think through Stan's offer, even though it was a nightmare situation to be stuck in a vehicle with Cartman and Kyle he was likely right when he said you would get kidnapped for real. South Park wasn't the safest town despite how it was portrayed on travel pamphlets and blogs. While the residential area was good for kids to play in, the main streets were a little crude. "Yeah, sure," You mutter "Please."
Cartman lets out a loud groan as the boys reorganize themselves to accommodate you. Kyle ducks out of the passenger seat and out into the chilly night, to your surprise, he isn't wearing his hat, his red curls hanging loose. Cartman hauls himself into the passenger seat, uttering complaints the entire time.
You wait for Kyle to clamour into the backseat but he doesn't, he just stands by the open door, waiting expectedly for you to get in. When you realize that you're meant to be sitting in the middle you almost want to protest but decide against it, Stan was being nice enough offering you a ride when you barely knew him aside from being Wendy's boyfriend. 
The very second you buckle into the backseat, Cartman begins to cough dramatically. He's heaving on nothing, exaggerating the slight smokey smell that lingered on you. He claws at his throat "It's so hard to breathe," He mumbles like he's choking.
This must be what hell feels like. 
“Why were you walking?" Kenny breaks up the sound of Eric wheezing. Wordlessly, you reach for the crumpled slip of paper in your pocket and smooth it out as much as possible over one of your thighs before handing it to him. His eyes visibly brighten as he reads it a small smile splitting across his face "Illegal parking," he lets out a low whistle "I love myself a lawbreaker," He hands the notice back to you.
Kyle subtly looks down at the paper, he didn't finish reading it before you fold it up and tuck it back into your pocket. He's interested but he won't admit it, so instead of pressing the matter, he trains his eyes to watch the concrete sidewalk roll by out of the window. 
You're crammed between the two, your thighs touching theirs, Kyle tries to make himself as small as possible while Kenny carelessly man-spreads, his leg almost overlapping yours. "How long are you going to be grounded for that one?" Kenny asks.
"I'm trying to get it settled without them finding out," With aptitude you peek at Kyle whose eyes meet yours before deviating. You didn't think he would go snitching on you but it still worried you. He had far more blackmail over you than you had on him, you were still clinging to things he did in freshman year while it seemed that every month you had a new secret to keep from your parents. 
"Good luck with that," He says, also staring out the window though he didn't do it to avoid you "You got the money to pay for the fine?"
You find yourself glimpsing back at Kyle, using this question as a scapegoat to clear yourself before he even gets the idea of telling either of your parents "Yes and I will pay the fine as soon as possible, from this point moving forward I am going to be a law-abiding citizen, I vow to never park in a bike lane again and not to steal prozac from my dad," You indirectly address Kyle, he can tell what you're trying to do based on the way you keep shifting your eyes to look at him. Kyle looks at you, he doesn't say anything but you understand him clearly 'What the fuck are you doing?'
"Okay?" Kenny says, sounding confused "That's cool, I guess, good for you."
"Hide your Advil, Stan," Cartman peeps up, watching you from the rearview mirror "Crash is on a crime spree, she might steal your mom's jewelry for drug money too.”
Growing too tired to say something snarky in return, you just lean back in your seat, eyes half-lidded as you listen to Cartman besmirch you. Everyone in the car had accepted this to be a regular occurrence. At first, when everyone in your grade greeted you by calling you Junkie, Crackhead or something along that line you wanted to hug your mom and cry but you quickly grew desensitized to it after two weeks, it just felt like another nickname.
Stan cranks his stereo up to drown out Cartman's incoherent complaints. It's some metal band that you had never heard before playing faintly while Kenny shows you pictures of his roster on his cheap phone that he had spent two paycheques purchasing. "So where were you guys headed before you picked me up?" You ask, purely to try and make polite conversation, feeling immensely out of place with the four of them all together.
"We were going to Stans for game night," Kenny says, still scrolling through his stickers on Snapchat "You wanna come?" Truthfully you hadn't been hanging out with Kenny as much as you used to, you still smoked pot every now and then but it was rare for the two of you to sit down and actually do something together or go out somewhere. You were too preoccupied with track and soccer and all of your friend's drama, their secrets piling on you like fines.
Cartman whips his head around to look at Kenny with fury in his eyes. "Nah," You draw out, scrambling for an excuse "I should probably just go home and repent for my crimes against the state."
"Kinda hot," Kenny nods absentmindedly.
Conversation faltered as you struggled to find common ground, the weight of unspoken words hanging heavy between you. Every attempt at small talk fell flat, each joke met with forced laughter that only served to highlight the awkwardness of the situation. You could've sworn you were more socialized than you were acting. “Man, I love track and field, what an incredible sport to have on a college application,” This time you aren’t as discreet with your subliminal messaging to Kyle, turning your head to look at him completely. He doesn’t say anything.
With each passing mile, the silence grew more suffocating, pressing in on them like a heavy blanket. You fidgeted nervously, your eyes darting from one face to another as you searched for an escape from the uncomfortable tension.
Stan sped over a speed bump, you reached your hands out to grab something on instinct, hand gracing Kyle's leg for the briefest moment, still you retract it and look at him in horror. 
Clasping your hands together in your lap you anticipate each passing second as Stan neared your street you felt relief wash over you like a baptism. "Right here," You say and Stan slows the car by your front yard, the lights are on in your home casting a warm glow into the velvety black night. 
Before the car even comes to a full stop, Kyle opens the door, wanting this to be over as bad as you do. With haste, he unbuckled his seatbelt and took a step out with his lanky legs. His green eyes watch your every move while you shimmy out of the middle seat, taking in a deep breath of clean air that didn't smell like car freshener and body spray. "Thanks for the ride," You give Stan a tight-lipped smile, ready to walk away until Kyle opens his mouth.
"When's the next track practice?"
"What?" You furrow your eyebrows "You're joining?"
"Yeah, Tolkien asked me to," He says and the space between you fills with silence.
The soft expression on your face quickly morphs into something a little more vicious "So Tolkien asks you to join and you jump at the chance?" You say, snarky.
Kyle seems unphased "I actually like Tolkien."
"Yeah, I know, You probably explore each other's bodies." You brush past him fighting the urge to just walk into your house, maybe it was because someone had replaced your calcium with mercury or you were just tired but today someone had messed with your internal chemistry "Uh, thanks though, it's on Tuesday." Finally, you had gotten that win you were chasing all day.
A/N: oml sorry this took so long, I had no idea where the plot was going but we’re good now so the other chapters won’t take so long.
50 notes · View notes
southparkhcsocs · 10 months
Note
Hii! Could you maybe do the main four + butters (if wanted ofc!) with a s/o who looks really mean on the outside but is like the nicest person in the inside!! If you do thank youuu! x3 ♥︎
Also do u accept anons? If you do, could I be 🕯️ anon?
Yes! love this! I hope you like it!
I do Accept Anons!
Stan Marsh
When Stan first saw you he might as well shat his pants
Bro was so scared as was most people at college
There wasn't a lot of buff ass girls so when you walked up to him when he was trying to bench
SWEAT
but your soft voice spoke
"you should really have someone to spot you when doing bench presses."
"w-what?"
"it's okay, I'll spot you."
Fuck it was when you smiled
that smile got this boy smitten
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After that?
Well, it was history
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Kyle Broflovski
You didn't really like anyone in your class.
they were either try hards or just fucking idiots
So when then stupid Ginger wouldn't stop staring at you
well you had enough
"what the fuck is your problem?"
"w-what?"
"why are you staring at me??"
"i.. uh.. I want to ask you on a date"
A Date???
Your stomach started doing flips
You look him up and down
"sure."
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Best decision ever!
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Kenny McCormick
UGH Kenny McCormick!? Seriously!
Not being funny Ken but everyone know you're a fuck and chuck kinda guy
Everyone knew you were not the kind to be fucked around with
Especially since what your ex said you did to them
So you thought you would give him a dirty look to get the dumbass to stop staring
this MF just WINKED
from then on he wouldn't leave you alone
you exchanged numbers thinking nothing of it
until one night he text you
Y/n, hlep bd higth What? PLs hel p Send location
And with that you made your way to the scruffs house.
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You were always his go to for everything from that point on
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Eric Cartman
Everyone knew you were in some sort of fight club
So when Cartman heard he want to watch to see how shit you were
but much to his surprise you were actually good???
he could use this
you could beat people up for him
it's perfect!
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Little did he know that you were a total softie
litro would not hurt a fly
plus you wont attention like.. ALL THE TIME
Lucky you're hot
andgivegoodhead
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Leopold "Butters" Stotch
oh hamburgers
oh hamburgers
he doesn't know what he was thinking
he heard the rumors' about you
so when his dad ordered him to tell you to move your bike he was terrified
as he timidly walked over to you
it was like he got a frog caught in his throat
"e-excuse me.. could you please move your bike"
"you're cute."
His face could not of gotten redder
"here's my number. call me."
You hopped on your bike and rode of into the distance
once you got back to your dorm you checked your phone
3 new messages
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This boy has never received as much love since meeting you.
you adore him and he you
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carrion-corvus · 1 year
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Kyle :]
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kuchipark · 3 months
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Stan is a slow walker and Kyle walks at 10 mph. When walking anywhere, Kyle pulls Stan along by his backpack strap like a little dog leash and Stan just lets it happen. (though he feels a bit emasculated)
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milalovesmatt · 1 year
Text
“please mommy”
eric cartman/kenny mccormick/kyle broflofski/stan marsh x reader
(separate)
NSFW WARNING!!
eric cartman
it was right after you just dominated eric oh my gosh he was moaning and whining and crying just all of it but lucky you got a video and you were waiting for just the perfect time to tell him about it. one day he was being bossy and you showed him the video snd he went ballistic “wait baby dont show that to them dumbass!” “ oh but i just might if you keep this attitude~” “dont please” “ beg for me eric.” “p-please im b-begging please m-mommy anything j-just don’t show m-my friends” “okay!”
kenny mccormick
you just dommed kenny, he was sweating and everything. two days later he was talking to another girl a little too friendlyish so you pulled him to the side “hey babe wyd talking to that girl” “ we’re just friends!” “for now..” “ what was that?” “nothing love!” “oh okay well can i get back to talking to her?” “ofcorse just iif you want me to show the whole gc this video of you being a sub” “okay” “okay” he starts to walk away “wait kenny come back!” “ hm?” “ i love you💕” “ love you too” he then gives you a kiss “btw i didint send it to the gc love im sorry” “i know❤️”
kyle broflofski
you basically already know what im going to say right now long story short u dommed kyle duh and he was abt to leave your house “babyy why are you leaving so early” “ oh now your being clingy” “i want cuddles☹️” “ sorry babe i told kenny i would go to the movies with him tonight” “☹️☹️☹️” “im sorryyy i’ll be back in two hours” “okay well then i guess i will just have to show this video to cartman” “ wait what video?” “oh nothing just this video of me dominating u🤭” “what no doll please” “well then i guess u just have to dich kennyyyy” “honey yk i cant do that” “or if u want to beg for me” “ughhh” “come on dont be a whore beg.” “p-please” you sit in silence “please mommy” you ruffle his hair “there we go!” okay sweetheart u can go! kyle is blushing sm
stan marsh
he got home and you were on a ft call with kyle kenny and eric then he walked in the room “hey babe im home” “hey!” “wyd” “nothing much just calling the boys” “without ME?!?!?” he says in a sarcastic tone “sorry babe you were at work”  “ugh love birds shut up for a second playing roblox” “cartman i didint know u were a sticky i pad kid too, i thought u were just fat!” “shut up u stupid jew” “omg let me join ur server rn” “ew no” “soo y/n what did u and stan do this weekend that was important for him to CANCEL OUR PLANS😡” “oh uhmm..” “oh i know exactly what me and stanley did this weekend” you say with a smirk, that made stan blush. once u started talking he shushed u and hung up on them💀
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roostertuftart · 6 months
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Shout out to all of the times I’ve drawn the South Park boys as animals
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doomzdayzzx · 1 year
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Aged Up Kyle x F! Reader Relationship HCs ❤️ (y’all r 18-19)
oh boy where to begin?
obviously would be a very nice and caring partner<3
If you’re sick he’s willing to do a lot for you; take a day off work (if able + week day) and would cook for you , clean the whole house etcc
he doesn’t really feel particularly one way or another about PDA, he does feel a bit embarrassed about it but has no problem showing off to Eric, lmfao
loves to cuddle <3 , loves giving > receiving tbh
he playfully teases you sometimes but makes sure not to go too far
kisses often ; forehead, cheek, neck , lips are some of his fav places to kiss you ❤️
loves sharing a pair of earbuds and listening to music you guys like :)
ver ver good cook
be prepared to meet his parents and a flustered Kyle lol
he would love to have children if it was something you wanted but if not he’s happy to live with you until y’all grow old and die . Sappy, cringey ya Ik. Lmao
Kyle would honestly bring you to places to hang out with him and his friends quite often.
Okay, so this part contains mentions of reader’s menstruation soo ya. Anyway here it is:
if you were having menstrual cycle, Kyle would be there to help def!
he would get heating pads, supplies, food, blankets anything u needed he’s got uu ❤️
If you needed pills he’d get those for you too !
breakfast in bed def,, though he’d wake you up late so it wouldn’t really be breakfast would it?
cuddling to comfort you def
If you fell asleep w/ a heating pad on he’d make sure that you had it on a low setting so you don’t get hurt <3
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I feel like when they were around 13yo, all the main boys had an alt phase
Stan's phase lasted the longest, he'd hang out with the goth kids (sometimes more than with his friends), and he'd dress in all black. He learnt how to do his makeup and always wore an unholy amount of it, and he acted the depressing way the goth kids did. He was this way until he turned 15 or so, and after that he dressed in more normal clothes, even though he kept dying his hair for many years after that.
At the beginning, Kyle would say he'd "never dress up like that" and that it was "cringe", but progressively he started getting more colorful clothes, more visible makeup and weirder items until he became eyestrain personified. He still insisted he "didn't have a specific aesthetic so he wasn't cringe"... Cartman disagreed. After that phase was over (and after he spent months insisting it wasn't a phase 💀), he refused to aknowledge he ever dressed like that, and he got a more jock-like style.
Cartman would always laugh at his friends' clothes all the time, calling them cringe and insulting them... yet, since he was 12 and till he turned 16, he was so much worse. He would wear a different aesthetic each day, some days it would be quite normal but others it'd be more outstanding than anyone else's. For example, he'd show up in clothes so dark the goth kids would be jealous, only to go to school in full drag the next day. At the beginning teachers would complain and students would laugh at him... after a few weeks, everyone accepted that's what Cartman was up to.
Kenny's style was definitely the least outstanding out of the boys'. Actually, nobody was sure of whether he was alt, or just too poor to get new clothes... He would at first wear his pants full of handmade-looking patches, most of them with cool designs such as hands coming out of the holes or ones painted like bones placed where the bones would be. Then, his parka got too small so he gave it to his sister (read: she stole it but she looked so cute in it he let her keep it) and he instead starting wearing old T-shirts of obscure rock bands, which also kinda fit his previous style. Besides this, he also let his hair grow, which he wore in a ponytail.
Butters' phase wasn't too long, since his parents wouldn't let him buy his own clothes until he was a teen. Because of this, he dressed like a little kid would for longer than anyone. When he finally could buy his own stuff, he wore dark clothes and dyed his hair magenta, and by Stan's suggestion he became one of the goth kids. He spent with them a few months, in which he became "real hardcore", but then he felt tired of feeling sad all the time and so he decided to stop being a goth. Since then, he wore clothes a bit more colorful (still mostly black and white, but he was fine with adding other colors), and although he kept dying his hair (and even convinced Kenny to get highlights on his), he was a lot happier feeling and wearing whatever he wanted. Also, since he turned 16 he also began wearing skirts sometimes :)
Extra: since Firkle was held back, he ended at the same class as Ike. Both kids became friends, and Ike joined the goth kids a couple months after Stan left
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weird-snail · 1 year
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hunnysnoops · 2 days
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White Teeth Teens
Chapter Four: History Eraser
Kyle Broflovski x fem reader
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They made their paints by mixing acid wash and lemonade. In my brain I rearrange the letters on the page to spell your name.
Premise: A birthday party takes an awry turn
Warnings: crude language and humour / blood / injury / marijuana usage
MASTERLIST
Adam's blood was still soaked into the turf by the time track and field practice was in the process of giving you heat stroke. Each gust of humid wind burned at your throat a little more than the last like someone had set fire to your lungs.
While everyone else was jogging around the track in a leisurely manner, you and Kyle were sprinting like you were headed for the sun.
"What was that?" You call behind you, turning your head just the slightest "I can't hear you, you're falling behind."
"I didn't say anything," Kyle runs up beside you, matching your pace. Ginger curls were sticking to the sweat on his forehead and neck, glistening under the fading light of the day.
"That sounds like something that someone who said something would say," you respond, glancing down at your sneakers pounding against the track before quickening your pace.
"What?" His eyebrows furrow in confusion.
With each step, you fell into a steady rhythm, feet pounding against the track with determination to be just a little better than the boy trailing you. You felt the familiar burn in your muscles, the exhilarating rush of adrenaline as you pushed yourself harder, faster.
The wind whipped through your hair, cooling the sweat on your brow as you pushed past your limits, your lungs burning with every sharp breath. You ignored the overexertion gripping at you, the nausea creeping up like little hands of wind pushing at the back of your throat.
Your thoughts focused solely on the rhythmic beating of your feet against the turf and Kyle. It took what must've been a God's power not to glance around every few seconds to see how close he was to you, how steadily he fell into tempo with your pace.
That day was shaping up to be a particularly nasty one and you were quite literally trying to run away from it. Though no matter how far your legs took you, you were still on the track, Kyle only feet behind you.
It only added to that lingering thought that rested in the back of your head that you weren't anything special, you were just as good as everyone else and you needed some way to prove them wrong.
"Aw, look they're running together," Red says from her spot on the bleachers where she sits with Leslie. You can hear the sarcasm dripping from her voice.  
"Ew, what the hell," you pause looking at Red, you see Kyle ahead and awkwardly jog backwards to create more distance, you only stop completely when you're in front of Red. "We were not."
"So you were racing?"
"No," You scoff "But if we were I would totally win."
"Um, okay, I believe you" She gives Leslie a quick side glance "Are you coming over later?"
"I have a thing," You answer, hands on your hips while you press your lips into a thin line.
"A thing?" Red quirks an eyebrow "Bebe won't be there if that's what you're worried about."
"No, like I actually have a thing," You Answer "Sheila's having a birthday party and I'm obligated to go by my parents."
"Oh," Red nods like everything coming together "A swingers party." She had run a few laps before something more interesting caught her attention then she eventually settled perched on the bleachers with Leslie beside her and a redbull in hand.
"Your parents are swingers?" Leslie asks, dark bangs pinned away from her face.
"No, they're not," You deadpan, any amusement dropping from your face "My parents aren't swingers, they have never swung and they never will."
Red sucks a sharp breath through her teeth before a smile cracks onto her face "Touched a nerve there.”
"No shot," You cross your arms, chest rising and falling as you catch up on lost breath, a group of long-distance runners brushing past behind you.
"I just can't believe you're ditching me for Kyle," Red draws out a deep sigh, teasing you.
A subtle heat rose to your face though you chose to ignore it entirely "Dude, no, I'm ditching you for Kyle's mom." At this, Leslie turns to whisper something to Red before you quickly interject, throwing out one hand in her direction "What could you possibly have to say? I don't even know you."
Leslie swivels her head back to look at you, unsure what to say. Red silently mouths 'Oh my god' one hand slapping over the black headband on her forehead pushing her bangs back. "Sorry?" Leslie breaks the silence.
"Yeah, you should be," You say before bringing your attention back to Red and cutting Leslie out from the equation completely "We still on for Sunday?"
"I'm going to strangle you," Red says, disregarding the question, still stuck on your utter bluntness.
You stick your chin up, exposing your neck "Go ahead." You even brush the stray hairs aside to display your throat like you're ready for her to sink her teeth in. An uneasy quiet settled over the conversation once more as you waited for Red to stay true to her words and strangle you. Of course she doesn't, she just stares at you something like disbelief playing in her eyes. You look at Leslie "We cool?"
"We are." She answers, lips pursed.
"Okay," You say, backing away and carrying on with the run you had initially been focused on, leaving Red and Leslie to watch you lose your breath all over again.
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While the younger kids were free to bum around in the basement and play video games, you and Kyle were on the edge of seventeen, not yet adults but you were close enough to intermingle with them and nod with a polite smile while they drone on and on about insignificant things that are massive in their eyes.
After your mother had shown you off to the partygoers in the gauzy white sundress that you reserved only for occasions like this, you had found yourself settled at the dining table amongst the food, scribbling down notes from your binder onto your biology project.
Kyle seemed to have the same idea, he pushed one of the three charcuterie boards aside to make space for his half of the project. He sat silently across from you, the farthest he could get without being dragged into another mindless conversation with someone who held him while he was a baby.
Between the two of you is an abundance of food, everyone seemed to have brought a dish for Sheila's birthday, you couldn't imagine that it would all be finished in one night. You had, of course, a little bit of everything piled on a side plate.
As you worked away, being sure your drawn diagram was perfected and every word had been spaced apart perfectly, you tried your best not to glance at Kyle who seemed absolutely undisturbed while he chewed absent-mindedly on his brownie.
"Oh, look at you two," your dad walked into the dining room with a smile on his face "I can't believe you're getting along."
"Me neither," Kyle answers without looking up from his work. While your mother had stuffed you into your Sunday best, Kyle was looking ready for church that he didn't attend, a white button-up tucked into black dress pants.
"Whatcha working on?" Your dad scooped some pasta salad onto his plate and proceeded to peek over your shoulder, peering down at your paper before nodding like he understood. "Nice, good job, kiddo," He gave you a firm pat on the shoulder before pointing a finger gun at Kyle "And Kyle, looking sharp."
"Thank you, sir," Kyle offers him a tight-lipped smile. In recent years he had almost mastered charming other kid's parents, especially yours who gushed on and on about how good of an influence he was.
"Oh, no need for that, buddy," Your dad waves him off before leaving the room.
"Sir?" You look at Kyle, an unimpressed look clear across your face "Kiss ass."
"I'm not even going to dignify that with a response," He says, shifting his focus to the project in front of him.
"You just did, pretentious douchebag," You mutter under your breath, looking down at your own work. "Dignify," You mock, reaching back for the brownies. Something about them had tasted familiar, somewhat nostalgic like those organic sweets your mother would bring back from the grocery store, which you had written off as being gluten-free or something along those lines.
After roughly forty minutes you had finished not only your half of the biology assignment but all of your homework for your other classes as well. You had looked past the doorway, heard the voices of middle-aged parents, and the grating sound of obnoxious laughter and decided to bum around on your phone.
Empty-headed, you stared drowsily at your timeline, constantly refreshing it in the hopes that something more interesting would pique your interest. It was only seven, the sun was still in the midst of setting yet you felt the strong urge to sleep, maybe it had been over-exertion from track or boredom telling you to close your eyes so you could wake up to something better.
You were too in your own head to notice Kyle who had long finished his assignment and now had his arms crossed in front of him flat on the table, chin resting on top of them, head slightly tilted while he stared at you through the plethora of food.
His mouth abruptly stretched with a yawn, this brought your attention over to him. "What the fuck are you looking at?"
"Nothing," Kyle pushed himself off the table until he was back sitting straight in his chair. He put one hand on his back while he stretched, his neatly tucked-in button-up coming loose from the hem of his pants in the process.
The familiar photo of Remy the rat was now displayed on your dim phone, the meme of him choking that had been floating around the internet since 2007 "Do you think Ratatouille has themes of racism and prejudice?"
"No," Kyle answers, ripping the leg of a rotisserie chicken away from the carcass and tearing the flesh away with his perfect teeth.
"No one thinks a rat can cook, sound familiar?"
"No."
"Anyone can cook," You state the quote like it emphasizes the odd point you're trying to make.
"Ratatouille is not about racism."
"How about when Remy's dad says 'This is what happens when a rat gets too comfortable around humans' and then he's like 'We look out for our own kind, Remy,'" You made sure to throw an awful Italian accent over Djangos parts.
"A movie about a rat making spaghetti is not racist."
"I didn't say it was racist, I said it has themes of racism and prejudice."
"It doesn't."
"Immigration and assimilation perhaps?"
"Stop."
"Why?"
"Because I can't think right now, I'm so tired," his hands find their way into his curls while his elbows rest on the table.
You narrow your eyes at him "Are you on drugs or something?"
"No, it's fucking late, I'm tired," He repeats.
"It's seven," You answer, face straight though your eyelids were growing heavy like they were being pulled down. You rub the back of your hand over your eyes like it's going to wipe away the feeling of daze and set you straight.
Weary you lean back in your chair, slamming your phone face down on the table. You put one hand to rest on your brow like a salute to block out the overwhelming light overhead. It was this moment where you craved nothing more than your bed, to lay your head down on satin pillowcases and let sleep consume you completely.
"This is fucking stupid," You look down awkwardly at the neckline of your dress, your chin pressing against your chest as you do so, you then use one hand to gesture to Kyle in his once wrinkle-free button "We look like we're in a cult, the kind that drinks Koolaid,"
"It was Flavour-Aid actually," He corrects.
"What the fuck is Flavour-Aid?"
"Koolaid, basically."
"Okay," You say, sinking deeper into the uncomfortable spruce chair.
"Who am I really, beyond my thoughts, memories, and experiences?" Kyles's eyes are squinted as he stares past you into absolutely nothing, his thoughts entirely somewhere else.
"Kyle Broflovksi."
"Yeah, what?"
"No, that's who you are, fucking idiot."
"Ah," He nods and the two of you fall back into stillness. Neither of you acknowledged each other for a few minutes, you had forgotten Kyle was there at all and his mind was beginning to fill with existential dread.
"Hey, dudes," In walks your uncle Richie, a cheesy smile across his face, from this alone, you can tell he's been spreading his corny humour. "Didn't know you two were still in here," He was your mother's youngest sibling, being in his mid-thirties; also known as your grandparent's accidental pregnancy.
"Nice," You answer like it's cohesive in any way.
Richie doesn't seem to gather any issue from your response, he just grabs a paper plate and begins to fill it up with all of the goods though he pauses when his eyes fall on the brownies, smile faltering. "Who put these here?"
"My mom," Kyle says.
"His mom," you point at him, repeating his statement.
"Shit, these are for the after party if you know, you know," Richie puts his plate of food down in exchange for the brownie platter "Did you guys catch who ate these?" He must've been the most under-dressed of everyone at the party with his grey sweatpants and Metallica tee poking out from beneath his red zip-up.
You and Kyle stare dead straight at each other, the realization washing over you. It wasn't sleep threatening to take you under but marijuana causing your vision to move in frames and lull you to rest and loosen your tongue.
Richie doesn't fail to catch this exchange "C'mon guys," He sticks a hand out in exasperation and you can't miss the disappointment on his face.
"Uh, we didn't know they were laced," You narrow your eyes at him, never did you think you'd side with Kyle.
"I know, I know, this is just fucked up," He runs a hand through his hair, forcing it through any tangles.
"Fucked up?" Kyle's eyes are half-lidded though he still seems furious. "We're high on my mom's birthday and there's like thirty fuck ass adults in the other room, we're getting busted."
"Nah, it's cool," Richie says and you're unsure if he's assuring you and Kyle or himself. "You're a hophead anyway so you should be a pro at pretending to be sober." He gestures at you and then turns his attention to Kyle "We've been to a handful of barbeques together and I don't think either of us wants to get in trouble right now."
"This is fucking sick," Kyle mutters, burying his head into his hands.
"I know," You nod with the glint of a smile playing on your face. As nervous as you were over the fact you would have to act sober until the party wrapped up, you couldn't ignore the comedic aspect of the situation.
"No," Kyle shoots you a glare "Not sick as in cool, sick in a bad way like I'm sick."
"You guys are teenagers, you do these things it's like a rite of passage and your parents did it all the time when they were your age," Once again, Richie tries to shrug off the circumstances.
"Get accidentally drugged by their uncle?"
"No, uh-not that, I meant getting high in general."
"How much is in them anyways?" You ask.
He shrugs "Like roughly twenty-five mg or so."
"In a single brownie?" Kyle presses for clarification with wide eyes to which Richie nods.
"Twenty-five milligrams?" You tried not to yell, this had shaken you to what felt like sobriety for only a few seconds  "I didn't know you were fucking Walter White."
"Hey, man, I left them wrapped up in the fridge with a sticky note that said 'do not eat', I didn't think his mom was gonna put them out."
"Why wouldn't you leave them in your car, dude?" You're looking at him with a tilted gaze, head resting in the palm of one of your hands.
"Temperature sensitive," he says pointing out the fudgy brownies melting into brown sludge like it had been nuked in the microwave.
"What the fuck?" Your mouth falls ajar "Have you ever made a brownie before?
"They usually don't melt," Kyle adds.
"Watch it," Richie had taken this sting straight to heart "They're supposed to be fudgy and you two are the ones who ate them."
"Oh my god, we ate them," Kyle says under his breath, eyes focused on the oak table in front of him, studying each groove. His attention breaks, and he glances around at the food laid before him then reaches to scoop some macaroni onto his grubby paper plate.
"Slow down greedy gut, did you forget you're diabetic?" You slap his hand away from the cheesy macaroni.
"Yeah," He puts the spoon down "I did."
Richie takes a deep breath out "Man, you guys are roasted."
"Time for the family photo!" Sheila yells from the living room, her distinct accent rising over the seemingly endless murmurs.
"Okay, guys, just remember to be cool and act sober, okay?" He tries for a smile, sticking his thumb up and glancing back and forth between the two of you for confirmation "Sober, so good?"
"Relax," You push yourself up from the table, brushing any crumbs away from the skirt of your dress "We're fine."
"Alright," Richie turns on his heels, exiting the dining room with the tray of brownies still in hand.
The moment you and Kyle walked through the doorway, you felt like everyone was staring at you despite not one person turning their head in your direction. Kyle's family had already been sorting themselves out for the photo, he quietly slipped in there, giving his mom a quick hug before smiling at the phone which was being held by Sandra, a woman with far too much wine in her system who took the temporary role of photographer far too seriously.
You settled against a wall next to Weston who had also been suffocating in overly formal clothing. One thought ran through your mind as the Broflovski's smiled for their picture, don't act high.
"What are you doing?" Weston asked, looking up at you with a sneer.
"Huh?"
"You look like taxidermy, why are you doing that with your face?"
You hadn't noticed that the idea of sober you were trying to project was eyes as wide as the moon and a stone face. At Weston's words, you squinted your eyes slightly and began to grin like this was any more natural than the other face you had been making.
"You're weird," Weston tells you before he looks back at the Broflovski family. He wanted to duck back down into Ike's room to hide from everyone as much as you wanted to steal your dad's keys and drive to Dairy Queen.
"Okay, now let's do a silly one," Sandra smiled brightly, she had really drawn this out much longer than it needed to. After the family scrambled to do something vaguely comedic, Sheila motioned for your parents to join.
After what felt like a century, Sandra finally handed the phone back off to Sheila. Just when you're sure that the exchange has ended, Sheila speaks up "I want a picture of the kids together."
Your mom makes a pouty face, placing a hand on Sheila's shoulder "That's a great idea, we haven't taken one of them all together in ages."
"Let's get you two in the back then Weston and Ike can go in front," Sheila's directing you in front of an audience of coworkers and family friends.
Weston had one arm slung around Ike who did the same while Kyle stood stiffly behind his brother. You kept your tradition of keeping your distance from Kyle, standing one metre away from him and your brothers, hands clasped in front of you.
"Sweetie, you aren't in frame," Sheila tells you.
You nod but don't do anything beyond that, you just stay in the same spot that you had initially been in. "Jellybean, maybe you should move closer to Kyle," Your mom smiles softly, though her eyes are telling you that you should probably listen to her.
Taking a step that must've taken you a distance of an inch, you smile at the camera like this has resolved the issue.
"Um, Jellybean," Your mom had a begrudging smile on her face "I meant to stand next to him, behind your brother."
"I'm okay," you say and for a change have no animosity behind your words, you truly were okay with where you were.
Weston's eyebrows had furrowed in confusion as he watched you with a blissfully ignorant smile on your face. His arm was falling asleep, intertwined with Ikes. Kyle was staring at you, just as everyone else who had paid a speck of attention to the photoshoot was.
"Nope, closer," Your mom gestures for you to move in.
She does so rapidly until you take another side step, albeit larger than your last one though you still stood awkwardly out to the side like you were photobombing.
"For fuck sake," Your mom utters under her breath so quietly that no one had picked up on it. "He's not poison, get in there."
"I believe you meant to say venomous," You shuffle your feet again until you are standing next to where you should be, an awkward gap between Kyle where you were meant to be posing behind your brother.
"Don't do this right now, Jellybean," She says through gritted teeth, trying to uphold her composure for the sake of Sheila and the grace of your family.
"Just one quick picture," Sheila tells you, she's still holding up the phone, finger hovering above the shutter button.
Before you can pull any more nonsense that seemed perfectly reasonable in your altered state, you feel a hand slink around your waist. Kyle's hand rested on the outside of your midriff, fingers sinking into your soft skin. Your mind hadn't even processed this fact when he pulled you into him, your body briefly crashing against his. Kyle flashes the camera a movie star smile while you stare up at him, eyebrows furrowed and eyes incredulous. You looked like you were gearing up to yell at him.
Click!
The very second the picture is taken Kyle drops his hand from its spot on your waist and turns to walk away. While the others disperse, you stand stationary and watch Kyle disappear into the blinding light of the kitchen. It was impossible to ignore the heat creeping up your neck and the warmth flushing your cheeks as your hand retraced where his touch lingered.
Against better judgment, you follow him into the kitchen, unsure of what your plan is, but you do it regardless. He's alone in there with a middle-aged man who's speaking to someone on the phone and pays no attention to where Kyle rifles through the fridge.
"That had to be a misdemeanour of some kind," You say, arms crossed while you stand behind the fridge door.
"What are you talking about?" He looks up at you, grabs a jug of water and closes the fridge door.
"That is really fucked up," You add.
"You're kind of in my orbit right now," He holds a hand out and moves it in a circle.
"Then release me, boy." You watch as Kyle reaches into the cupboard to pull out a glass and pour water from the jug into it until it's on the brink of overflowing. He puts the jug down next to his glass and uses one hand to lean against the island.
He swishes his free hand around like he's casting a spell "I release you," Kyle then reaches for the jug instead of the glass he had poured and takes a long swig.
You shake your head watching him drink from the pitcher as if it were a cup "That's not right." You weren't sure what Kyle's tolerance was, you had never smoked with him before, only seeing him take a couple of hits at parties.
"You're not right," He answers, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand and putting the jug back down on the marble countertops.
"One time I made you in the sims and then I made you go swimming in the pool so I could take the ladder out and kill you," You say, leaning against the kitchen island. The man on the phone takes a brief time to cast you a judgemental glance before going back to his phone call.
"Did I die?"
"Nah, they took that feature out so you kinda just climbed out from the side," You answer "I did make you bankrupt and homeless though."
"So I just wonder the streets?" He asks to which you nod "I bet I'm fighting crime."
"No, you just walk around and your hygiene is really bad, you're like visibly dirty."
Kyle freezes for a second, staring past you, he blinks his eyes out rapidly and holds a dinger out to hush you "I think I can hear myself blink." He continues to open and close his eyes "It sounds wet and squishy."
"Gross," You say, letting yourself lean in deeper on the island until you're almost bent in half, across from Kyle.
He runs a hand through his hair and then begins to twirl one finger in his ginger curls before he pats the top of his head "I think I need to cut my hair."
"I think you need to cut yourself," The words fall from your mouth like honey melting from the sun to weigh down the wings of Icarus. His mouth is slightly ajar when you look up to meet his wild gaze. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't say that, don't cut yourself," Had you been sober, you wouldn't have apologized, you would've doubled down and made the statement a million times worse.
"You're an asshole," He says simply.
"So are you," You respond, voice lazy and words drawn out. The man on the phone ends his call, gripping his cell phone like you were going to try and take it from him. He struts past you and Kyle, glaring at the both of you.
"Did we just blow our cover?"
"No, that's Marty, he's an alcoholic so if he tells anyone anything I'll say he's been drinking again," You shrug the question off.
"Is that right? Like morally," He clarifies. "Should we just admit we're high? or maybe that would be bad morally if we got Richie in trouble for something he didn't do." You can see the gears turning in Kyle's head, the way he's analyzing the situation like it's the equation that'll either end the world or save it "Nah, I don't wanna get grounded on my mom's birthday, that's kinda gay."
"That's super gay."
"It's so hot in here," The topic switches once again as Kyle is working on unbuttoning his shirt, taking a deep breath. The very second you notice your eyes linger a moment too long on his hands your head swerves to look at a sign that reads 'This kitchen is seasoned with love' You remember when Sheila bought it, she thought it was hilarious and brought you into the kitchen to see it.
Your mind trails back to the compromising state you and Kyle had been discovered in after the little forest expedition. The interrogation you had to endure, not only with Mr. Waterman but with Wendy as well made you want to hammer nails into your ears. "If it was anyone else but Wendy and our fucking teacher who found us, the rumours would be nuts."
"And that's the worst thing?"
"People thinking that we've slept together? Yeah, it is the worst thing. I'd probably shoot myself and write your name on the wall in my blood."
"How high are you right now?" he squints his eyes.
You shrug "Higher than I think, perhaps."
"Your eyes are kind of insane right now," He points at your face and in turn, you just rub them, too lazy to go check.
"Yours are almost as bright as your hair."
"This isn't even my final form yet."
"What the fuck," You stare at him blankly. You let yourself down the side of the island, spine scraping against it until you drop to the cold tile floors. The frigidness pressing against the back of your calves.
You tuck your head into your hands like it'll magically make you sober. You didn't want to be high anymore or at all that night. You needed a clear head, for your limbs to not feel so loose so you could go back to shutting your thoughts away, so they would die in your throat and never be said.
Kyle has plopped himself onto a stool by the island, peeling a banana from the fruit bowl with precision like he was defusing a time bomb. It seemed like he had entirely forgotten that you were there the second you went out of his sight.
It was nowhere close to your first time smoking though you had taken a little tolerance break for the sake of finals and it was hitting you hard. Everything seemed like it wasn't real like you were in a set where things were hand-crafted to fit the scene. You look down at your hands, balling them up into fists to see if you can feel anything. When all the sensation you receive is a light tap, you put one finger into your mouth and bite, there rested the confirmation that you weren't in a simulation.
What your mind was really craving was a two-leader bottle of diet coke and to curl up on the couch, shrouded in darkness and watch Over the Hedge. You reach a hand up the edge of the countertop to pull yourself up, in the midst of doing so, your foot slips and you are sent toppling over. Your body careened forward, face heading straight for the unforgiving edge of the countertop. There was a sickening crack as your nose collided with the hard surface, followed by a sharp, searing pain that shot through her skull. You collapse back down to the ground, eyes scrunched shut and hand covering your surely felt like a mangled nose.
"What was that?" Kyle turns his head to where he was sure you were though you were no longer in sight. He pries himself away from the stool and makes his way around the island to investigate "What's-oh my fucking god."
"Do you think it's broken?" You ask, moving your hand away to display the nose. The nasal bone itself seemed to be fine, but what rang as concerning was the gash over it that was leaking blood.
"Holy shit, we need to get your parents," He immediately moves to leave but you grab his leg to keep him in place.
"No," you say in what you intended to be a firm voice though it came off as more scared than anything else "We're high, underage, I hate hospitals, and urgent care is expensive."
"You're bleeding from your fucking face."
Gingerly, you poke around the area you had hit, fighting the urge to wince to prove that it wasn't that bad "See? We're good, just a bit of blood." The marijuana had eased the pain in just the slightest by offering the distraction of everything all at once, you were sure it would feel like hell the second you shook your mind clear.
"No, we aren't good, you're fucked up," He says.
"Kyle," Your tone shifts, absolutely serious "My dad will beat the shit out of me if he finds out I'm high, I'll go in the morning if it's actually bad," Truthfully, your dad probably would do some damage if the truth came out. Not only that, but he would bar Richie from seeing you or Weston ever again and your mom was something of a snitch who shared every waking thought with your dad.
He looks down at your figure on the floor, one hand pinching your nose to catch any blood that threatened to spill onto your white dress. His rational thoughts were telling him to rat the both of you out and get you to a hospital though the side of him hazed said it was fine. "You have to go in the morning."
When you move your hand, the blood begins to gush not only from your nostrils but the gash on your nose bridge like juice from cherries that had been torn apart. Now you had a red dress to match your red eyes.
"Yeah, okay cool," You say with a sigh of relief, awkwardly turning on the ground to push yourself up without having your face be inches away from Kyle's. "I need to go upstairs in the bathroom and fix this," What you were trying to get across was that you needed to at least bandage it with the first-aid kit, discreetly.
"What are you going to tell your parents when you go home and you have a huge honker on your face?"
"Um, that I got a nosebleed or that-I don't fucking know, I'll figure it out, fuck face," You answer as you stand up. With a yawn, you shifted to get up, your elbow swinging out in a careless motion. Unfortunately, Kyle had chosen that exact moment to lean forward to grab his phone off the counter, his face perilously close to your elbow's path. Adding another notch to the misfortune of that night, your elbow collided with Kyle's left eye with an audible thud.
Kyle recoiled, his hand instinctively flying to his injured eye as he let out a pained grunt. Your eyes widened in horror as you realized what you had done "Oh my god, it looks like I hit you."
"You did hit me," The anger in his voice isn't unmissable, it's dripping with something that borders between irritation and rage.
"Not on purpose," You retort, quickly wiping away the blood where it pooled above your lip. It had already made it down your face to dribble down your neck and chest before it soaked into the neckline of your dress.
Kyle winced as he gingerly touched the tender skin around his eye, his breath catching in his throat at the searing pain pulsating beneath his fingertips. "Fuck," he mutters.
You felt a tickle in your nose, the pressure builds, the discomfort intensifying with every breath then there came the dreaded sneeze. Instead of the usual sense of relief, there's only pain. A sharp, searing pain radiates from your nose, sending shockwaves of agony through your skull, a splatter of blood from your nose now on Kyles's once pristine button-up.
Your eyes squeeze shut, tears instinctively beginning to push from your eyes as you struggle to regain your composure. The sound that escapes your lips is not the usual sneeze, but a strangled gasp, a testament to the torment wreaked upon your nasal passages. "Fuck, oh my fucking god!" You scream, hands moving upward to cover your nose in the position of a prayer. "Fuck, that fucking hurts, pussy licking cunt face, fuck!"
"Jesus Christ," His voice is breathy, he hadn't entirely comprehended what you had said, his hazy brain was more focused on the throbbing pain enveloping his eye and the blood splattered on his white button-up.
A woman swings around the corner, Alysha, you barely remember what she looked like eight years prior before she bleached her hair to the point it was fried and filled her face with Botox and fillers. "Is everything okay in here?"
"No!" You shout, the vexation wasn't intention but you never thought sneezing would hurt so bad.
"What the hell," Any rage in Kyle's voice was replaced by fear as he stared at Aylsha's face. He looked like a deer caught in headlights though he couldn't bring himself to look away from her pillow face. She had so much filler to the point where her skin would turn loose if it were to be dissolved, her lips were the most obviously overfilled, looking minutes away from bursting. "I think as a society we're way too okay with that."
You brush past him, grabbing his wrist to pull him along. "we're going to the hospital." You're opinion on going to the hospital had changed in an instant. You could've managed if you hadn't sneezed, it felt worse than the initial break. Your senses are overwhelmed by the intensity of the tormenting sensation.
"Why do people do that to themselves?" He lowers his voice.
"Doesn't matter," You dismiss, dragging him into the living room where the majority of the partygoers were gathered. "Danger!" You shout and everyone turns to look at you, startle clear across their wrinkled faces. You split into a grin "There's actually no danger but I need to go to the hospital."
"Jellybean, what happened?" Your mother places her wineglass on the coffee table and rushes over to you, cradling your face in both of her hands while she examines you. Your father isn't far behind, jogging slowly like he was in an action movie, it would've been more efficient to walk over to you.
"We need to go to the hospital," You say simply, clamping your eyes shut so she won't see the redness.
"Kyle!" Sheila exclaims, eyebrows furrowing as she approaches him. She looks up at her tall son, gently touching his swelling eye, red from irritation "My little boy, what happened?" Sheila looks at you, the gash on your nose and the slightly crooked look of it "Did you two fight?"
"No," you answer abruptly, pointing at Richie who was working through a slice of cake "He's sober, he can take us to the hospital."
Richie responds with a nod before he goes back to his cake "Ready to go when you are."
"I just don't understand how this happened," your dad remarks. With each passing second that you weren't on the way to the emergency room, you grew more irritated.
"Kyle, did you hit her?" Gerald stands behind Sheila, his face stony.
"No," You interject "I hit him actually, on accident and I fell and smashed my head on the kitchen island and it really fucking hurts so can we please go?"
"Are you high?" Gerald leans in the slightest to see your red eyes to which you inch back.
"Are you?" Your dad's demeanour changes as he crosses his arms.
All eyes fell on you and you quickly scrambled for an answer, glancing at Richie who looked as panicked as ever before you fell to the conclusion "No, we're teenagers."
Everyone looks either around or at you in confusion over your chosen words. They wondered what exactly you meant by that and you wondered "So why are your eyes red?" Your dad asks.
"It doesn't matter, they need medical attention," Sheila tries to dismiss the topic.
"It's called life, little bro," You clap your hands together like you said something groundbreaking, a small smirk playing on your blood-stained face.
"This is ridiculous," Your dad shakes his head. You glance over at Kyle who's fallen nonverbal, letting his mom poke around his face.
"Because life isn't just all flowers and sausages but we're making the most out of it Gerald so why don't you live a little?" You raise your hands up in the air; in your mind, you are trailblazing by delivering this odd string of words to a crowd of wrinkled faces who watch you like a spectacle. "I would like to get my nose sewn back together.”
"Jellybean, you are acting so strange," Your mother says, catching on to the fact that you might be under the influence.
"It's because of blood loss," Richie cuts in, beginning to usher you and Kyle to the front door. "Don't worry, I'll take good care of them."
You turn your head to stare down your parents as you leave though Kyle's lanky figure blocks them out entirely. He trails behind you, one hand on the small of your back to keep you moving forward. You nearly shudder under his touch but don't make a fight to shake him off.
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Sitting in the sterile confines of the hospital waiting room, you couldn't help but feel a mixture of relief and anticipation. Just moments ago, you had emerged from the emergency room, your broken nose carefully repaired by the skilled hands of doctors. Now, as you awaited your discharge, a sense of tiredness was creeping up on you. You had been there entirely too long though the edibles had yet to wear off.
Your nose was still tender, wrapped in layers of gauze and tape, a constant reminder of the trauma it had endured. But beneath the bandages lay four stitches are what was sure to be a nasty bruise. All you could process was that you really wanted a cigarette.
Kyle walks into the waiting room, he scans the few other people in there before his eyes settle on you. He stood still for a moment, thinking whether or not it would be weird if he sat next to you, he decided that it was and opted for the row opposite to you.
Your eyes wander down to his hands where he clutches a little orange bottling, rattling slightly with movement from the pills inside "You got meds already? They just gave me a slip to take to the pharmacy."
"Yup," He shakes the bottle "Did you know that you cracked my cheekbone?"
"No," you narrow your eyes "I don't have X-ray vision."
Silence hangs between the two of you, the only sound being background noise from other patients and nurses. Now that the heat of the painful moment had disbanded you were left unsure of how to talk to Kyle. You didn't even know if you had only shown him the smallest speck of kindness or if he had put his hand around your waist purely from the influence of the drugs.
"I can't believe my dad thought I would hit you," Kyle said the first thing that came to mind, staring at the bandage in the center of your face.
"I can't believe my parents cared more about me being high than having a mangled nose."
"That was kinda crazy."
"This is all kinda crazy," you answer, trying to keep your face as still as possible to avoid the pain of scrunching or moving your nose. "Are you going to tell everyone that I hit you?"
"Not if you don't want me to."
"Please don't," Your voice is hardly above a whisper when you ask this. "It was bad enough when I hit Cartman," That was true, Cartman had made you out to sound like a violent criminal in every rendition of the story he told. He had fabricated so many aspects of it that it seemed more like fiction than reality, even if people didn't believe him, it wouldn't stop them from spreading it.
"Okay," His tone matches the softness of yours "I won't."
"Thanks," You turn your gaze toward the ground, scraping your mind for something else to say so you don't feel like you're drowning beneath unsaid words. "We should smoke and then enter a hotdog eating contest."
"That's a good idea."
"Do you think we're the only ones who've had that idea?"
"I think if we smoked and went to a hot dog eating contest, everyone would be high."
"Do you think I would be a cat or a dog?" You change the topic again, not on purpose but because that was how your brain was functioning.
"I think we would both be dogs," He says with sureness.
"Yeah, maybe you would be like an Australian Sheppard and have gross crusty shit in your eyes because your owners hate you and they never clean you."
"I'm not Australian."
"Well, they don't have Jersey shepherds because I'm pretty sure you can't give dogs spray tans."
"I think I would be a Nova Scotia duck tolling retriever."
"You're not Canadian either and don't make up fake dog breeds, man," You cross your arms.
"It's not fake."
"Totally is, actually, you would be one of those fugly bald dogs that shake all of the time and people adopt them out of pity."
"All dogs are beautiful to me, actually," Kyle says in a matter-of-fact tone like you wouldn't believe his statement.
"Consumerism is so out of hand because how many water bottles do you really need?" You mind once again wondered to things that you had seen online hours prior. What was haunting you was a video of a woman who had collected 78 colours of a reusable water bottle, defeating the purpose of the eco-friendly aspect of it.
He genuinely thinks long and hard about your question "You need one good water bottle, maybe two depending on the circumstances."
"Hey, I have a joke, it's really funny and I just thought of it."
"Shoot."
"If Kyle falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, did he make any sound at all?" You crack an awkward, faltering smile. The second you said it out loud you realized that it wasn't as funny as intended. It was like you were teetering on the verge of sober, your mind so incredibly close to acting like yourself again before it slipped back into the haziness. "Yeah, it was pretty loud actually."
To your surprise, Kyle actually smiles. His lips curve upwards in a perfect arc, revealing a set of teeth that gleam like pearls against the backdrop of his sun-kissed skin. Each tooth is straight and even, with a dazzling whiteness that seems almost too pristine to be real. You couldn't think back to the last time he smiled at something you said without being sarcastic. Digging through your brain you weren't sure that he had ever smiled at you.
You furrow your eyebrows, mouth pulled back in a grimace, eyes squinting like his perfect grin was an offensive sight "Don't smile at me like that." You could feel your jaw tensing "Jesus, don't smile at me at all."
"Hey kids," Richie had returned, coming to your rescue just when you thought you were going to shatter from the conflict in your mind "Brought you these, a little souvenir from the gift shop," He tossed both of you a Garfield stuffed animal. Garfield looks almost frightening, his half-lidded eyes uneven, weird body emaciated, and fur pale like he's been experimenting. You loved it.
"Thanks," You smile up at your uncle, being careful not to let Garfield touch your blood-stained dress. Kyle has a small grin playing on his face as he holds it in his large hands.
"You got it," He gives you a quick thumbs up "So if everyone is in the clear are we good to go? You and Kyle both nod and Richie turns on his heels, swinging an arm in motion for you to follow him, his car keys jingling in one hand.
The automatic doors slid open as the three of you neared them, the night on the other side of them was brisk. As you and Kyle slipped into the back seat of Richie's prius, you couldn't help but cast one more look at him; a final look at his hooked nose and sharp jaw while you could still write it off as being high.
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southparkhcsocs · 11 months
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Could you poss do Stan's gang in the passenger seat after their s/o passed their driving test 。⁠◕⁠‿⁠◕⁠。
Thank you for the Ask!
I just drew Veronica as the S/O
Eric Cartman
Terrified.
Just Terrified.
A woman driver????? Only his mom.
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Cartman: You should really have both hands on the wheel Veronica
V: Fine. You're so dramatic.
Kenny McCormick
BOY NEVER WEARS HIS SEATBELT!
He dies all the time so why does he care?
UM MAYBE ITS BECAUSE YOUR S/O DOESN'T WANT TO SEE YOUR BODY FLY OUT OF THE CAR GOD FORBID THEY CRASH!
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V: Hey are you not wearing your seat belt?? Put that on right now!
V: I'm so serious Ken, what if I crash and you die???? It's not Funny!!!
Stan Marsh
Just let our boy sleep.
He was the first to pass his test so he was also the go to driver for the group so when his GF got her license.
SLEEP.
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Kyle Broflovski
You're not doing it right.
You're going to fast.
You should really stop at a yellow light.
HOW ABOUT YOU DRIVE NEXT TIME KYLE!!
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Kyle: you know Vee, you should have both hands on the wheel.
...
Kyle: aren't you going a bit fast?
V: OOOOOH MY GOD KYLE SHUT UP!!!!!!
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brokenwindex · 1 year
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SP Boys "Taking you on a date:"
My first thing so dont shit on it too hard.
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Its just HCs of what Stan, Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman would do if they took you out on a date. Also they are aged up to teenagers its all fluff but still
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actual footage of ike after Kyle puts him in timeout
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Stan: I think Stan is a big music kid, specifically 90s so head take you to the local record store and you two would pick some albums to either shit on or to really analyze back in his room and maybe he’d take you to the movies afterwards.
“Stan what the fuck is that…” y/n looks at him as he holds up an Ed Sheeran vinyl. “Whats wrong, hes the most romantic artist of the century.” He says trying not to laugh
“Wait wait,” Y/N turns around searching for something and pulls a cd out… “No this is the most romantic artist, Justin Beiber..”
He stares at her for a moment… “No that definitely wins.” he says as the two of them giggle. The worker yells at them, “Are you going to buy those?” They look at eachother and in perfect unison say, “fuck no!” and walk out laughing
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Kyle:
Honestly, I feel like kyle would be stuck babysitting Ike so he’d ask if you wanted to watch a movie in his room. Maybe after Ike fell asleep, the two of you would sneak out and get slurpees from the 7-11 with your bikes.
The two are watching a movie when Kyle gets a text
Ike: Kyle you’re a pussy
Kyle: Ike go to bed…
Ike: kiss her already you dumb ass
Y/N: Ike you know you added me on here too right.
Kyle: I'm actually going to kick your ass Ike
Y/N laughs as kyle is red from blush making his freckles blend in. “Lets just watch the movie..” he says not breaking eye contact from the tv
“PUSSY” ike yells from his room
“Oh my god I cant, hes so funny.” Y/N is dying of laughter
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Kenny:
Kenny would make like the cutest little picnic by a lake and he would bring bread so you can feed the ducks. He’d also bring a blanket so you two could watch the stars. He loves listening to your daily tea and he tells you about the stupid shit cartman said that day.
“No because today I saw bebe and clyde talking and sneak out of school together..” she explains to kenny..
“No way!” he gasps egging her to go on..
“I KNOW!!! And the wendy says that she saw them at the mall together after. Fucking crazy shit.” She explains and after a slight pause they burst out laughing at how ridiculous it is.
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Cartman:
First he would take you to Tweak Bros. Coffee to get something to drink and eat then take you to the park to do some “people watching” as he likes to call it.
“Y/N Y/N Y/N look at that lady.” he says trying not to point too obviously
“Why?” Y/N looks at him confused
“Doesn’t she look like if Barbara Streisand got hit by a bus?” he chuckles
“Barbara already looks like she was hit by a bus.”
“Well thats not a very nice thing to say Y/N… Do you not support womans rights?”
Cartman is trying so hard not to laugh so Y/N looks him dead in the eyes.. The two laughed so hard the lady looked at them, and it made them die even more.
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a/n: lemme know if you liked this and request any scenarios you wanna see 💪🏼💪🏼
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luciferbutaroace · 1 year
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Unpopular opinion alert: I feel like Kyle's behavior in SP hints at him being somewhere on the aro and ace spectrums. Like he rarely develops crushes and once only started liking someone because he was pretty sure she liked him. Idk though, I'm very sleep deprived lately 😅
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quietmtntown · 1 year
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lesten trans kyle is fine headcanon away/ have fun/ but im beggging people dont use cartman bullying him as evidence for it.. its used to degrade Kyle, cause erics a sexist asshole and with the rise of antisemitisim it just feels icky to do.. there are better ways to go with him being trans than using cartmans bullying as evidence.. is all im saying..
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