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comicnerd557 · 3 years

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Stray Kids as Teachers!!

Bang Chan

Definitely the music teacher

Type of teacher that is super caring

Anyone can talk to him about anything

Offers life advice

Mostly good, sometimes joking

“Pay your taxes and don’t drink and drive.”

Finger guns

Tries to use young people slang

Fails even though he himself is super young

Keeps pictures of his dog on his desk at all times

“Mr.Bang, who’s that?” Points at picture of Barry

He then goes into Barry’s life story, slowly gaining an audience of other students

Every kid has a crush on him

It’s a rite of passage at this point

“Have you seen his ass?” “Duh, who hasn’t?”

Lee Know

The tired art teacher

Has sass battles with his students

Winner gets some candy

He almost always gets the candy

Plays movies once a week

Thinks everyone deserves to relax

Super chill with what students want to create

After all, art is personal

Not at all harsh with grading

Sneaks his cats into the school sometimes

Gets caught, claims they’re there to be models

Almost always has music playing

Students go to him when they need someone to vent to

Gives somewhat violent advice so.... Don’t take it

Everyone wonders when he’ll get with Mr.Han

There’s bets going

Even staff are in on it

Mr.Bang started the bets

Seo Changbin

Everyone’s favorite gym teacher

Specializes his class for students' needs

For example, the asthmatic doesn’t have to run laps, instead, they do some weight lifting

Stresses the importance of warmups and cool downs

Thursdays are pool days

Everyone worships Thursday, as shirtless Mr.Seo is quite the sight

Fridays are fun days

Students pick whatever they want to do that day

Even group nap time has been approved once or twice

He is the best spotter

Have you seen his arms?

Can be frequently found bothering Mr.Kim

Always wearing a tank top. Always

If students aren’t feeling well, he lets them take a nap in his office

Has a special cot with soft blankets and pillows he bought himself

Does not tolerate students making fun of their peers

Has the record for the most detentions given in one day

The class ganged up one on kid who wasn’t good at the sport, so they all got detention

The kid got a free soda of their choice

Hwang Hyunjin

Drama instructor

Specializes in helping students put emotion into their lines

Musicals are his favorite

He makes the Choreo himself

Kind of strict about it ngl

Still understanding somewhat

Just... Not as much as he could be

Basically a mom to his drama kids

Gets told all the tea

The Gretchen Weiners of the staff

He knows whats happening with literally every student

Has shown up hungover a few times, just lets the student directors take charge

Will fight for the theatre department to get more funding

Makes some of the costumes himself

Talented boi

Tries to modernize everything

“Listen, I know Hamilton takes place in the boring times, but Jefferson needs some shades.”

KING of improve

Actually an amazing actor

Blows everyone's minds

Like, yeah, he’s goofy and hot, and he LOVES spilling the tea, but holy shit can he do Shakespeare

Leaves the school at exactly 3:30 PM, unless there’s practice

Has stayed till 11:30 PM once

His students worship him, trust me

Han Jisung

The cheery Kindergarten teacher whos energy rivals the kids

His classroom is an explosion of color

Loves his kiddos

Is great at calming upset little ones

Works incredibly hard

Every other teacher thinks his classroom is a total mess

Blocks everywhere, paints on every table, and nap time mats still out

If you look closely, he does have a system

Only pink paint on this table

The mats are in a specific corner

The blocks are for the kids to make words whenever they understand how to spell something

Big fan of the reward system

Has had many kids call him Dad before

Parents love him so much

Their kids come home rambling about their teacher who taught them the alphabet and they can count to five now!

His kids are pretty much little geniuses

Gets sick so often since he works with little kids

Makes sure his sub is fun

Also make sure the sub isn’t as fun as him so the kids still like him best

Found in Mr.Lee’s art room… way too much

Lee Felix

The school’s therapist

His room is the definition of Happy Yet Zen

Light yellows, pinks, and blues fill the room

Basically a pillow fort

Has a scent diffuser and let’s the student pick the essential oil

Walks around school with a happy smile always

We know he’s Stay’s sunshine, but he’s now the students

Has a wall of cheesy jokes for students who just need something to make them laugh

Let’s students show him their special interests with no complaints

Gets into almost all of them himself, just to bond with the kids

If the kids just need somewhere to calm down, his room is almost always open

Need a twenty minute nap? He’ll put on some calming sounds and supply the pillows and blankets

The type of teacher who gives gifts to his senior students when they graduate

Always ready to show students music he thinks will help them

The other teachers love him because he brings baked goods once a week

Doesn’t care if students swear in front of him

Kim Seungmin

Middle school English teacher

Students are lowkey scared of him

But they still enjoy him alot

He frequently roasts students and other teachers alike

“Mr.Bang said he’s the best producer? Next person to have his class, tell him to check his ego.”

His favorite time is independent reading time

Mainly cause the kids know to be quite

Heaven forbid someone interrupt his reading

Every time they finish a book, the movie is played

It’s a nice break for everyone

It’s also a break for him

It’s tiring being that sassy all the time

Pretty strict grader when it comes to essays

Only because he goes over what to do super thoroughly and even a baby could do it truly

You think he wants to grade a 7 page paper? No

4 Pages maximum

Definitely has favorites

Tries his best not to show it

Everyone knows

Loves the quiet kids in the back who love reading

Reminds him of himself at that age

Ya know, a whole 5 years ago

Mr.Seo shows up in his classroom all the time, just to mess with him

The kids love it

Yang Jeongin

The other kindergarten teacher

The admins of the school put the quieter, more nervous kids into his room

Jeongin has a very gentle personality when it comes to kids

The shy ones tend to flock to him

His classroom closely resembles a herd of sheep

Just a bunch of baby sheep hiding behind protective mama sheep

Super calm, but someone messes with his kids?

He’ll fuck you up homie

While Mr.Han’s classroom is an explosion of bright colors, Mr.Yang’s is more pastels

Parents are amazed as their kids slowly open up

Seriously, sudden their super shy kiddo has like, five other super shy friends and won’t stop rambling about their cool teacher

Prefers a quieter way of teaching, unlike Jisung

Gentle nursery rhymes, soft blankets, no dance parties

Even though him and Mr.Han are polar opposites, they’re best friends

He calms the excitable teacher, and Han brings out his energy

It’s always funny watching the two classes interact

It’s like watching a sheep and fucking golden retriever interact

When the two classes go to gym?

Mr.Seo is in for a treat

One side of the class is screaming like madmen while running around, their teacher joining them

The other is calmly waiting for instructions on the line

Not that Mr.Han’s class is badly behaved, just… energetic

Mr.Yang just chills in the back of the gym, working on some lesson plans while his kids get their limited energy out

Nap times are the best

He sometimes joins in, but shhh, don’t tell the other teachers

Only Chris knows, and has a million photos of Mr.Yang napping at his desk while his students sleep soundly

#Stray kids au #Stray Kids #Stray kids fluff #OT8 #SKZ #Stay

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hellerism · 3 years

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I want an essay on #12)

12. symbolism: tell me about some cool symbolism in spn! your pick

*puts on my english major hat* im about to put more effort into this than anything ive ever written for college. ok top 10 supernatural symbolism...this isnt in any particular order its just whatever i think of first. also it might not be actual top 10 im just remembering random shit. this has gotten out of hand so im putting it under a read more

1. the most obvious one, the impala. many have discussed this before me and im probably just repeating what others have said, but the impala is an extension of deans body/a representation and mirror of both his physical and mental state. obviously the impala gets destroyed in the season 1 finale when dean is dying. and he rebuilds it in season 2, while he is trying to regroup and rebuild from the death of his father. ive seen a post about how dean losing it and smashing the impala is a metaphorical form of self-harm which is :(( also, the impala staying covered and hidden away while dean is living with lisa and ben with this reading is so interesting. i do think dean loved the idea of a normal life with lisa and ben more than the reality (not that i dont think he loved them! any scene with dean and ben makes me soft). but this also makes it that much sadder because supernatural considers dean unable to live a life that doesnt involve hunting; the impala is hidden and dean is a shell of his real self. in season 7, they once again have to hide the impala away and use other cars. the impala is gone and hidden away; something is wrong. dean is hurting. he isnt his full self. why? whats missing during that time? cas. and in season 10, when dean is a demon, he stops caring for the impala. you know, because something is wrong with him. because hes a demon.

2. dean knocking over and breaking the angel statue in the beautiful room. he makes it fall with a single touch, hardly a push. and all it took cas was a single touch for him to fall and break. dean, of course, doesnt mean to shatter cas, though he does mean to make him fall. dean repeatedly argues with cas, acting as the human opposite to cas’ emotionless faith in heaven, pushing him toward the edge, pushing him to rebel, pushing him to choose humanity. and it works; cas learns to love through dean, and through that he rebels against heaven and falls in “every way imaginable.” and when he hits the ground, he breaks, shattering all his faith in god and everything, leading into the godstiel arc as he tries to put his pieces back together.

3. the streetlight as a halo over cas’ head in on the head of a pin. it flickers when anna appears, which is physically meant to show her power. however, it also shows cas’ wavering faith in heaven. interesting how anna, the angel who chose humanity over heaven and decided to fall, is the one making cas’ halo flicker. he is beginning to question things. he is beginning to feel. he is beginning to fall.

4. deans leather jacket in the first few seasons. its not actually dean’s, of course. it belonged to john. dean picks it up and puts it on while he and sam are searching for him, physically shouldering the weight of johns expectations of him. its too big on him. and dean is 26 at that point. hes well past done growing; he’ll never fit perfectly into that jacket. no matter what he does, he’ll never fit perfectly into johns expectations: the perfect son, the perfect soldier. and leather jackets are heavy even if they fit well. there is a physical weight on his shoulders now, a manifestation of the weight of the world and the weight of being a parent for his younger brother and everything john has piled onto dean since he was a child. he eventually stops wearing it (bc some absolute legend stole it irl), and i wish they’d taken that as an opportunity to have dean grow out of the shadow of his father, but supernatural is a bad show so they didnt.

5. mary, who just happens to be named after the mother of jesus. the perfect wife, the loving mother, the tragic figure, the victim, clad in white, the color of innocence. except shes not. she was raised a hunter. shes lived the bloody dark side of the world hidden from most. she loved her children, but she wasnt a perfect wife and mother. she didnt know how to cook. she and john fought, and he even moved out for a few days, and she needed her four-year-old son to comfort her. she is not the virginal mother; shes an imperfect person just trying to do her best. the dabb-era deconstruction of the very concept of mary makes me crazyyyyyyy if you couldnt tell.

6. these shots from 9.14 captives

in the first shot, we have a statue of cupid over cas’ left shoulder and a cross over his right. and in the second shot, there is a bible on the right side of the table, and nothing on the left. and cas turns to the left. he turns away from god, continuously choosing to turn away from stability and what he always knew in favor of love and humanity. there is nothing on the left side of the table precisely because there is nothing certain in cas’ future with humanity, but he chooses them anyway. plus, cas inventing free will by falling in love with dean retroactively makes this shot that much better; there is nothing on the left side of the table precisely because there is nothing written for him. cas falling in love with dean created an empty space in gods story. this show is pure fucking insanity oh my god.

7. serafina the angel (the pantheistic view in that episode makes me crazy but we wont get into that). serafina, whose name is audibly similar to seraph, the class of angel that cas is. coincidentally, the only seraphim we see in the show are cas, who falls in love with dean, and akobel, who married lily sunder. serafina, who fell in love with adam, the literal progenitor of humanity. and who is the character in supernatural that has always stood for humanity as a whole? dean. serafina literally had me convinced that deancas would happen in the finale.

8. the removal of -iel from cas’ name. dear god this one drives me crazy and i doubt it was on purpose. castiel, the shield of god. for eons he existed as a warrior and tool of god. and then along comes dean winchester, who does a very human thing. he gives him a nickname. cas. he removes the “of god” part. he removes god from cas, because dean doesnt value him for being a good soldier or a good son. he values him simply because hes cas. and cas questions everything, his loyalty to heaven, his blind faith that god would one day return. he is no longer a warrior of god. he is simply cas, the shield, and this time he chooses to be a shield for humanity, for the winchesters, for dean. for the michael sword. the shield protects the sword. cas dies shielding dean. this got off topic but its just sooo insane.

9. this shit from 2.13 houses of the holy. i know it was an unplanned coincidence but jesus christ.

10. ...lamp. i know i know but it still boggles my mind. the completely out of place tap dance that they had to spend time and money on to train two actors who had never tap danced before. the lamp being a source of light. divine light. cas. the whole thing being set to the song lets misbehave. WHY LAMP.

#this took me over an hour #are some of these a stretch? maybe. but what is literary analysis other than stretching media way past what the author intended?#ask

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oakleystreet · 3 years

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L Y R A B E L A C Q U A

DÆMON: Pantalaimon, a pine marten.

BOND: Split.

HAIR: dirty blonde.

EYES: blue.

AGE: 6 months during LBS. 10-11 during NL. 12-13 during TSK and TAS. 15 in Lyra’s Oxford. 20 in TSC.

BIRTH: 1985. (between July, August and September, according to the Timeline).

NATIONALITY: Brytish. (English).

STATUS: Alive.

Lyra Belacqua was born to Marisa Coulter and Lord Asriel, a product of their affair.

After Marisa’s husband, Edward Coulter, tried to kill her and was killed by Lord Asriel, who then lost everything he had, Lyra was taken into government custody and then placed at the Priory of Godstow in Oxford by Lord Nugent, the head of Oakley Street.

There, Lyra was taken care by the nuns for a couple of weeks before the Great Flood happened. As she was being hunted by Gerard Bonneville, a physicist who wanted to get hold of her to likely trade her for scientific freedom to research Dust, Lyra was rescued by Malcolm Polstead and Alice Parslow, and they set out in Malcolm’s canoe, La Belle Sauvage, for London.

During their time in the flood, Lyra was taken by the Sisters of Holy Obedience, but was promptly rescued by Malcolm. Eventually, they reached a fairy island and met Diania, a fairy who tried to steal Lyra by feeding her fairy milk. Malcolm tricked Diania and recovered Lyra, and once again they were back in the Flood, on their way to Lord Asriel in London.

When they arrived in the city, the CCD forces that had been looking for them were caught in a conflict, as Lord Asriel and Oakley Street agents made their way to rescue Lyra and the children. Lord Asriel returned with them to Oxford in a gyropter, and left Lyra under the protection of Scholastic Sanctuary at Jordan College. There, Malcolm left with the Master of Jordan, the Alethiometer he took from Gerard Bonneville, which would pass into Lyra’s possession ten years later.

“Secundum legem de refugio scholasticorum, protectionem tegimentumque huius collegii pro filia mea Lyra nomine reposco.” Asriel said. “Look after her.” “Scholastic Sanctuary? For this child?” “For my daughter Lyra, as I said.” “She’s not a scholar!” “You’ll have to make her into one then, won’t you?”

— Lord Asriel, chapter 25, La Belle Sauvage.

Lyra grew up in Jordan College, under the guardianship of Dr Carne, but personally being cared for by Alice Lonsdale. She had a rather carefree life, being an natural leader and befriending most children from the region, from gyptians to town kids to college children. At one point, Lyra was responsible for invading the Costa family’s boat with her little gang of children and she often played war games with these particular groups of children. At the College, her actions were observed by Bernie Johansen, the half-gyptian pastry cook, who reported back to the Costas, who then reported to John Faa, as a favour to Lord Asriel.

She grew up believing Asriel was her uncle, and he made brief, sporadic visits to see that she was well cared for. Lyra was informally educated by the scholars from Jordan, and she had very little interest in learning as well, and as a result her education was flawed, filled with gaps, and yet in certain areas unusually specific, as Jordan College was meant to be a higher education institution.

When Lyra was ten or eleven years old, she sneaked into the Retiring Room out of curiosity, but ended up seeing the Master of Jordan poison the decanter of Tokay meant for Lord Asriel. Upon Asriel’s arrival, Lyra revealed herself in order to save him from drinking the poisoned wine and Asriel employed her as a spy during his presentation to the scholars, hiding her in the cupboard. During this meeting, Lyra was introduced to the concept of Dust and she saw the City in the Sky in Lord Asriel’s photograms.

(to be continued)

Lyra, prior to her daemon settling, had the innate skill of reading the Alethiometer without needing to consult the books. This skill was likely attributed to her status as child of the prophecy and she lost it after her return from the Land of the Dead and Pantalaimon’s settling.

Lyra is considered very small for her age. She is also said to be strikingly beautiful, enough to draw the attention of passersby.

During their adventures, Pan and Lyra had to separate when she visited the world of the dead. By doing this, they acquired the skill of separating like the witches do.

Lyra still takes Alethiometer classes with Dame Hannah Relf. She also had a brief dalliance with Dick Orchard - the boy who could spit further than anyone else - who also happened to have been a childhood crush of hers.

Lyra uses the name Silvertongue among friends, although she is still legally and widely know as Lyra Belacqua.

Her Alethiometer was given to her by the Master of Jordan, after Malcolm gave it to him. It had belonged to Gerard Bonneville, who stole it from a monastery in Bohemia; the monks had also stolen the Alethiometer from a traveler who had taken shelter with them. The history of the instrument is tied to the fact it had been often stolen, Lyra being the first owner in a long time who had actually received it as a gift. (TSC, chapter 7)

Lyra can use the new method of reading, but it makes her feel sick and often refuses to use it. She is yet to understand the connection between the method and the daemon.

Lyra’s major is unclear, but she wrote an essay at one point about the Patterns of Trade in Arctic Region with particular reference to independent cargo balloon carriage (1950-1970) (click here to see the Extra letters from OUATIN). In that same letters she mentions “Econ Hist,” and how it must be that subject as there is no other way to examine her knowledge about the alethiometer. It can be assumed she was majoring in Economic History.

At one point, Lyra mentions the Count and Countess Belacqua, her alleged parents who died in aircraft accident. It is unclear whether they were real people or made up by Asriel to cover his own identity as Lyra’s father.

DÆMON RELATIONSHIP

Chaotic, friendly, constant banter, harmonious. Good communication and synchronized behaviour in feelings and actions. (HDM)

Chaotic, aggressive, constant disagreement and sheer unhappiness. Lack of synchronization in feelings and actions; lack of communication. (TSC).

FAMILIAL TIES

Lord Asriel: father.

Marisa Coulter: mother.

Marcel Delamare: uncle on her mother’s side.

Madame Delamare: grandmother on her mother’s side.

Dr Carne: legal guardian under scholastic sanctuary.

FRIENDS & ALLIES

Roger Parslow

Miriam Jacobs: colleague.

Hannah Relf: mentor.

Malcolm Polstead: former teacher, ally.

Alice Lonsdale: caregiver and friend.

Iorek Byrnison: friend.

Serafina Pekkala: friend.

ROMANTIC TIES

Will Parry: old flame.

Dick Orchard: old flame.

ENEMIES & RIVALS

Olivier Bonneville: rival.

Father MacPhail: enemy.

Father Gomez: enemy.

Pierre Binaud: enemy.

AFFILIATIONS

Jordan College: safe haven.

Oakley Street: allies.

Bud Schlesinger.

Anita Schlesinger.

The Eastern-Anglia Gyptians: allies.

Farder Coram.

Ma Costa.

John Faa.

St. Sophia’s College: alma mater, educational.

Magisterium: enemy (during HDM), antagonistic (during TSC)

Consistorial Court of Discipline: violent.

La Maison Juste: antagonistic.

The League of St. Alexander: suspicious.

The Daemonless People: friendly.

Princess Rosamond Cantacuzino: friendly.

Vaclav Kubiček: friendly.

Nur Huda el-Wahabi: acquaintanceship.

#ch: lyra belacqua #type: scholar #affiliation: republic of heaven #affiliation: jordan college #origin: brytish #daemon bond: split #daemon type: mustelid #unsourced file

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burnt-tomato · 4 years

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Hey, so ngl University got me hella stressed atm, i was wondering if i could get a oneshot with Daichi where their s/o is struggling with the uncertainty of university and are drowning in work? And he tries to like take her mind off it etc?? Just reallyyyt fluffy stuff feel free to roll with whatever your feeling! I really appreciate u thank u🥰🥺🥺

♤: aye aye sorry for hella late answer yeeee, hope you feel better soon

Daichi x Reader

Anime: Haikyuu!!

Genre: fluff

Warnings: cursing

»»--------------------------------------------------►

Fuck homework. Fuck this shit. When will teachers give us a goddamn break?? All week, every single fucking day, they give us homework that obviously can't be done in a fucking day. School ends at 7 fucking PM, and they give us what? 3 assignments per subject? And don't even get me started with fuckin English, that stupid Professor wants us to write 2 1000- worded essays? Are you for fucking real? And maths just looves to torture children who can't keep up. History is going to fucking end me, the teacher doesn't even want to discuss it properly because she keeps saying "You all need to learn to be responsible and independent" and shit.

You decided to stand up and actually do something despite there being like 8 more to go and it's fuckin 2 AM. You knew that ranting to yourself won't change anything, since there's no one really to talk to. Every college student is on their own, and helping someone will mean yOUR ass getting shouted on by the stupid ass teachers.

Your phone starts to ring.

Of course alot of people are still awake by now. No one barely gets sleep. You're lucky if you even get 30 minutes.. This fuckin university I fuckin swear I'll-

"Oh? Daichi? Why the fuck is he calling me at this time?" You ask yourself in surprise. You were confused. Daichi was never the type to get distracted especially now bc.. college.. plus he concentrates really hard on his studies. Damn I sure hope I also have the same patience he has. So getting a call from him this late plus all this fucCin homework, this is quite the surprise.

Turns out he was done [ ♤: ha. NeRD ]. And asked you if you needed any help. You were jealous of him, no, you ARE jealous of him.

How does he remain calm during college? Clearly every student is hella stressed and is on the verge of breaking like me.

The next day you arrive to School, it's the usual. All the students either face first on the table and snoring,or still doesn't have the will to continue on anymore. You're both.

"Uh, y/n,, wake up. Class is about to start. The teachers are gonna be mad again. I'm still trying to wake up the others who fell asleep." Says a familiar voice. You didn't have any energy to lift your head but it sounded like Daichi.

Mmmmmm of coursee, the teachers are going to get mAd because we fall asleep during classes yAY. Just what we all fuccin needed, another session of teachers screaming their vocal cords out for nothing and they know that this doesn't do any good. Students who're excited for school don't exist anymore, so they should stop getting their hopes high that we still have the will.

Math comes and shit. You were planning on doing math last, but you fell asleep on your desk this morning. You didn't have the homework to pass in. All you could think about was fuck I hope I'm not the only one. And you just jinxed yourself. Everyone planned on doing math first, and you were the only one who doesn't have anything to pass in. Just great. Like I didn't need more screaming. Just wow, as if I'm not getting anxiety from all this homework, now Im getting humiliation and private screaming from the teacher.

I wouldn't even elaborate what he said. It's what he says to the students who didn't do their homeworks, it's just the same. The usual "You should learn to be responsible for once!" No shit Bimbo.

You felt like disappearing. [ ♤: but ain't that what we feel on a daily basis? ]. It's a different kind of anxiety when you're being shouted at and everyone's either staring at you or minding their own businesses. And they say school is a place to make you feel comfortable and accepted. Amazing. After Class you didn't even feel like lifting your head for the next class. Actually, you just passed in the homeworks and placed your head on your desk. You were facing your right, where Daichi was seated. He was 2 seats away from you. You shot him a look that he understood quickly.

[ I was lucky enough for someone like Daichi to have mutual feelings for me honestly. Despite this hell of a School, we still have each others backs all the time. He was that one reason I still go to school. What worries me is that he's picked me up when I fall countless times, and I've barely helped him emotionally and mentally at all. Maybe I'm being to dependent on him... wow the teachers are right for once. ]

Holy shit finally fuckin lunch comes. Took that long enough.

You both climbed the stairs to the rooftop for lunch. I feel sick in my stomach.

You felt really sick and ill. You were on the verge of crying, and Daichi noticed.

"Hey, hey y/n, are you okay?" He said softly as he brushed your hair aside. You tried to keep it all in. You've been trying so fuccin hard to stay strong. You didn't want to break down, especially infront of him, because that'll just mean that he'll have to pick you up again.

"..." You stayed silent. You tried to avoid eye contact, which was hard because he had both his hands on your cheeks, trying to catch your eyes.

"Is this about awhile ago? Look, it's not your fault that they got mad for you not being able to do you homework. It happens to everyone, even to me. The pressure got to you and there was just too much work." He said. You couldn't pay any attention to what he was saying because the only thing on your head was to 'hold back'.

Fuck.. you bit your lip. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.. not now.. please.. don't let this happen now, not to him. I'd rather do this alone, but not now please.. hold back y/n.. please hold back.. please.. don't do this now. Hold back hold back hold back hold back hol-

Pathetic. You started to cry quietly, tears running down your cheeks. You were worried because your tears were making his hands, still cupped to your face, wet. But he didn't care. You started to cry a bit louder, your hands running through your own hair, covering your ears and eyes shut.

You felt someone's hands travel to your back and pulling to closer, your face then buried on his chest.

"Let it out. I'm here." He said. "I'm here to listen. Don't worry it's just the 2 of us here, so it's fine. Cry as loud as you want, say all what you want, I won't leave." His words slowly calmed you down overtime. One arm on your back and one hand on your head, your face on his chest. You started to not care getting his uniform wet. He pressed soft kisses on your forehead, and you understood what it all meant.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry for crying so suddenly. You've picked me up so much, and I've barely done anything for you. I'm.. sorry. I just-"

"And what makes you think that? Youre enough and you make me really happy okay? I can't really say that the school is wrong even if they are, but I'm here to comfort you okay? You can always open up to me. Regarding School, how 'bout I stay over to your dorm to help you with your homeworks and schoolwork in general? And we can open up to eachother too.." His voice trailed.

You felt bad making him deal with you being so pathetic and weak. Sure school sucks and you're sick and tired of it, but at least you both have a shoulder to lie on.

Whenever he stayed by your place, you'd sit on his lap while working on calculus lol. He also hugs you all the time when he notices you getting stress. He was also dependable when it comes to accidentally falling asleep and waking you up. You'd take small breaks when you finish a subject, like a long as heck hug or a nap. As time flew you sort of stopped cursing your school tho you still do it lol because he kept you calm and happy.

That day he started to stay in your dorm alot and with both of you helping each other, you got passed everything you thought was a job alone. You still get anxiety and other problems because of School, but at least now you knew, that There's someone to help you stand up again

There are also times that'd when you'd get way too pressured, he'd ask you to play something with him to keep your mind off school even for s short amount of time.

You were happy. He made you calm. You weren't afraid to open up to him anymore.

»»--------------------------------------------------►

Yeeeeeee sorry ik this is bad lol I'm not that good with comforting and stuff lol Also sorry bc it's short lmao

Aye aye feel free to request anything requests are still open lol

-♤

#haikyuu #haikyuu!!#hq #Sawamura Daichi #Daichi x reader #haikyuu Daichi #hq Daichi #haikyuu Daichi x reader #hq Daichi x reader #haikyuu oneshots #asks #♤#yeE I'm not good in writing lol

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danielmouradjensen · 3 years

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Canterbury Tales - in a historical/social context

In this essay the reader will be enlighten with an extremely short introduction to Canterbury Tales and the skillful poet behind this unique master piece, written in Middle English. Due to the size and focus of the paper, the Pardoner’s Tale, the Parson’s Tale and the wife of Bath’s Tale, including the prologues, will be selected among the 24 stories in Canterbury Tales. It will therefore be these three tales, which will be placed in a historical and social context. The main question in the essay is, “Which historical events are worth mentioning when discussing, the three specific tales, in Canterbury Tales?”

In Canterbury Tales (1387 - 1400.), the readers are introduced with a variety of personalities, like the Pardoner, the Parson, the Clerk, the Knight and the Wife of Bath. These mentioned characters are all pilgrims heading towards Canterbury. The tales are not written in Latin or French, which were languages preferred at that time but in Middle English. The Canterbury Tales were meant for a specific group of people and not the whole population in England1. Reading aloud was regarded as a social event in the time Chaucer.

It is also presumed that Geoffrey Chaucer did not write to achieve the benefits of fame. Canterbury Tales were of course handwritten on various manuscripts because it was much later, more specific, in the year 14762, that William Caxton introduced the first printing press in England. When the tales, which are quite amusing, were written, it was in a time or period of war, sickness and despair. It is from within the tales that the reader learns more about the society in the late Middle Ages. It is worth mentioning, that Chaucer had an advantage among his peers, in that he was a member of the court of King Richard II of England (1367-1400).

Furthermore, it is quite important to take notice that Chaucer the Poet uses a light satirical tone when introducing the many characters, in the different tales. Geoffrey Chaucer, as the genius he was, created a persona who is himself, in order to be part of the tales. In Canterbury Tales, the author and the narrator merge - another unique feature in the tales.

The Pardoner’s tale, the Parson’s tales and the Wife of Bath

As promised, the three tales will be placed in a historical (social) context: the role of the Church in England, the Great Western Schism, the Lollards, and the Hundred Year’s War as well as the Black Death. The Peasants’ Revolt, in 1381, will unfortunately not be discussed in this essay. This historical event would be interesting in connection with especially the Knight’s Tale.

The Pardoner’s tale

But, sirs, one thing that slipped my memory when I spoke my tale: I've relics, pardons in My pouch, in England none could finer be, The pope's own hand entrusted them to me. If anyone devoutly has resolved To make a gift and by me be absolved, Come forth at once and meekly on your knees Receive my pardon. Or, if you so please, Take for yourself a pardon as you go--One fresh and new at every town--just so You offer to me, all the while we ride, Some pence and nobles that are bonafide. (l. 919 – 930, Canterbury Tales, “the Pardoner’s Tale”)3

Is the Pardoner a charlatan or a true holy man? Geoffrey Chaucer describes this character as a man more interested in selling relics and enjoy life’s pleasures than helping others of the goodness of his heart. As an example from “The Pardoner's Portrait”: “He'd make more money in one day alone Than would the parson two months come and gone. So he made apes, with all the tricks he'd do, Of parson and of congregation too.” (l. 703 – 706, Canterbury Tales, “General Prologue”)4. However, in line 708 Chaucer writes: “In church he was a fine ecclesiastic”. The theme in the Pardoner´s tale is that the root to all evil is money. And money is what the pardoner likes. A greedy man who speaks about greed. Again, it becomes evident that Chaucer does not find the Pardoner worthy of his position as a man of the Church. Because of irony, the reader has to read between the lines.

In the late Middle Ages many historical events occurred, among them was the Western Schism (1378-1417), which resulted in a slit of the Roman Catholic Church. During a very long period, rivalries for the papacy led to a deep political crisis within the Church. Even after the truce with France, in 1389, England continued, very firmly, to support Rome, not Avignon, and would not offer any real solutions to end the Schism5. In the tales, it is also from Rome where the church authority derives from.

It is here, it is very interesting to talk about the role or status of the Church in England, during the lifetime of Chaucer. Was the Church in England strong or weak? At the time of Chaucer, the church was weak due to the Western Schism, mentioned above, the Black Death (1346–1353) and greedy/selfish churchmen6.

In England, the Black Death, which almost killed half of the population and the Hundred Years' War (1337-1453), led to an increase of self-serving churchmen – like the Pardoner in Canterbury Tales. The people of England were in pain and needed help and guidance, which meant a great opportunity for greedy and self-absorbed men of the church to exploit it. To further elaborate on the Hundred Years' War, which Geoffrey Chaucer himself participated in, even more death and suffering befell the people of England. France was also hurting and bleeding. The long war did not only bring serious social and economic changes in the English and French societies but also affected the writing of Geoffrey Chaucer.

The Black Death had a huge impact on the English society as a whole, not only were people dying but the way they died was horrific. There is a line/phrase saying: “there were hardly enough living to care for the sick and bury the dead”7. The plague affected the economy, politics and religion. It also had an impact on culture and arts. What is quite interesting is that the plague as well as the Hundred Years' War actually empowered the people.

Geoffrey Chaucer knew because of his place in the higher classes, the realities of the church and the abuses of the clergy. This gave Chaucer the opportunity to use humorous irony in the tales. Making fun of the mischiefs of the clergy was not something new at that time8. In addition to this, Chaucer was acquainted with John Wyclif, theologian and reformer, which contributed to a harsher stand towards the clergy in England.

No institution in fourteenth-century England was so often the object of satire as the Church. The great organization, with its wealth, its power, and its conservative traditions, might have been expected to offer a safeguard against social decay; but the Church itself was a fruitful breeding-ground for the very things, which were disorganizing feudal society. (A Chaucer handbook, p. 35)9

Going in depth with the Pardoner’s Tale, Death has a vital role, and might be viewed as the plague, which, stated above, ravaged England. Death, or the personification of Death, was something that Chaucer’s audience could identify with. The Pardoner’s Tale is the only tale set during the Black Plague.

The Parson’s Tale

There was a good man of religion, too, A PARSON of a certain township who Was poor, but rich in holy thought and work. He also was a learned man, a clerk; The Christian gospel he would truly preach, Devoutly his parishioners to teach. Benign he was, in diligence a wonder, And patient in adversity, as under Such he'd proven many times. And loath He was to get his tithes by threatening oath; For he would rather give, without a doubt, To all the poor parishioners about From his own substance and the offerings. (l. 477 – 489, Canterbury Tales, “General Prologue”)10

In the Parson’s Tale, the reader is now introduced to a different character than the Pardoner. It is the last and longest tale in Canterbury Tales. The funny thing is that, the tale is not even a tale:

It is a penitential manual, a curious choice because nearly all such vehicles of religious instruction were prepared by the clergy or by mystics. It is largely derivative, using material common to so many treatises that only a few of the actual sources can be established with some certainty. (Sermon and Penitential in The Parson’s Tale and their Effect on Style, p. 125)11

The Parson tells the others that he does not want to amuse them and therefore he chooses instead a sermon. From the Prologue: “You won't get any fable told by me; For Saint Paul, as he writes to Timothy, Reproves those who abandon truthfulness for fable-telling and such wretchedness.” (l. 31 - 34, Canterbury Tales, “The Parson's Tale PROLOGUE”)12

He could definitely be viewed as a more positive face of the church, according to Chaucer, than the persona, which the Pardoner represented. It is also worth noticing that, from the descriptions in the Prologue, the Parson, the Knight and the Ploughman represent the three traditional spheres of medieval society13.

It could also be worth placing “the Parson’s Tale” in context with the Lollards. As mentioned before, Chaucer was in contact with John Wyclif, who was convinced that the Bible and God had the highest authority and that the clergy should not own property. He also translated the Bible into Middle English14, which made it a lot easier for those who did not understand Latin. The Lollards followed John Wyclif and in the beginning, his supporters were from Oxford University and the royal court but the “movement” became increasingly popular outside “the inner circle”. The Lollards were critical towards the Church, which of course made them quite unpopular with the established clergy. The monastic leaders were not keen to follow or abide the views of John Wyclif and his followers. During the Black Death, Wyclif saw many flaws and weaknesses in the Church. It was believed that Rome was the enemy, and that the devote Christian only needed the local pastor and congregation15. The Lollards also saw sacraments as fake, which meant the reformers wanted to change the core in the Catholic Church. Wyclif died naturally even though the Church wanted him executed for heresy.

There could also be links between Parson’s tale and the ideas of the Lollards. According to Frances McCormack,16 there could be some similarities with the vocabulary in the tale and that of the Lollards. As also stated in the beginning that Chaucer did not write to a large group of people, he had a specific audience (like the royal court) and among these members were those who, in one way or another, supported the ideas of the Lollards.

The Wife of Bath’s Tale

She was a worthy woman all her life: At church door with five men she'd been a wife, Not counting all the company of her youth.(No need to treat that now, but it's the truth.) She'd journeyed to Jerusalem three times; Strange rivers she had crossed in foreign climes; She'd been to Rome and also to Boulogne, To Galicia for Saint James and to Cologne, And she knew much of wandering by the way. She had the lover's gap teeth, I must say. With ease upon an ambling horse she sat, Well wimpled, while upon her head her hat Was broad as any buckler to be found. (l. 459– 471, Canterbury Tales, “General Prologue”)17

Another very interesting character and pilgrim in Canterbury Tales is the Wife of Bath who sounds more like a modern woman and a feminist from the late 20th century than a woman from the late Middle Ages. This eccentric character, actually named Alison (line 804, The Wife of Bath's Tale PROLOGUE), is not afraid to speak her mind about former husbands, marriage and her sex-life. She does not sound like what a typical pilgrim should be and act. As an example, in the following quote, the reader learns what men’s “instruments” are actually used for:

That learned men I not provoke to oath, I mean to say that they were made for both--That is, both for relief and for our ease To procreate, so God we not displease. Why else should men into their ledgers set That every man yield to his wife her debt? And how can he pay this emolument Unless he use his simple instrument? That's why upon all creatures these are set, To urinate and also to beget. (l. 125 - 134, Canterbury Tales, “The Wife of Bath's Tale PROLOGUE”)18

She is one of the few women among the pilgrims, but she is not afraid to speak her mind and rebel against the patriarchal powers19. The Pardoner tries to interrupt her by flatter, but it does not work and she continuous:

The Pardoner spoke up immediately. "Now dame, by God and by Saint John," said he, "As a noble preacher on the case you'll pass. I almost wed a wife, but then, alas, Why buy it with my flesh, a price so dear? I'd rather not get married, not this year." "Abide," she said, "my tale is not begun! No, you'll be drinking from another tun, Before I'm through, that tastes much worse than ale. (l. 163 - 171, Canterbury Tales, “The Wife of Bath's Tale)20

In “Feminist Readings in Middle English Literature”, a very important point is made: “Recognition of the cultural meanings that are spoken through female voices can be a starting place for the exploration of forms of power and power relations in the Middle Ages.”21 The Wife of Bath (still looking for husband number six), is also a woman who has been on several pilgrimages. Furthermore, she is a woman who travels alone. In her tale, the readers learn about the knight, who rapes a fair maiden and as a punishment/challenge must answer what it is women what most of all. The queen who offers the knight a second chance is none other than Guinevere, the wife of King Arthur. What is important to point out, is that stories of King Arthur were quite popular at the time of Chaucer. Alison speaks of magic and magical creatures, which at that time, the established Church viewed as pagan beliefs. The tale begins with:

In the old days of King Arthur, today Still praised by Britons in a special way, This land was filled with fairies all about. The elf-queen with her jolly little rout In many a green field often danced. (l. 857 - 861, Canterbury Tales, “The Wife of Bath's Tale)22

When exploring the Wife of Bath’s tale in a historical context, it is also interesting to look at the Beguines in the mid and late Middle Ages. The Beguines were women who devoted their lives to God. In a time where there were more women than men, this specific life of a Beguine provided a safe haven for women without husbands.

The conclusion of the essay

When the Geoffrey Chaucer created the 24 spectacular tales, which were not only amusing and ironic/satirical, it was in a period of war, illness and despair. It is from within the tales and prologues that the reader has the opportunity to study the English society in the late Middle Ages. It is also worth mentioning, that Chaucer had an advantage among his countrymen, in that he was a member of the court of King Richard II of England (1367-1400).

A crucial religious and historical event took place in the western Christian world, which without doubt affected the religious thoughts and views of many people, in the different layers of the societies, in the late Middle Ages. The Western Schism (1378-1417) resulted in a slit of the Roman Catholic Church. During a very long period, rivalries for the papacy and/or authority led to a deep political crisis within the Church.

At the time of Chaucer, the church was weak due to the Western Schism, mentioned earlier, the Black Death (1346–1353) and corrupted churchmen.

In England, the Black Plague, which almost exterminated half of the population and the Hundred Years' War (1337-1453), led to an increase of self-serving churchmen – like the greedy Pardoner in Canterbury Tales. The people of England were in pain and were in seek of help and guidance, which meant a great opportunity for greedy and self-absorbed men of the church to exploit it. As mentioned in the essay, the Black Death had a huge impact on the English society as a whole, not only were the population dying but the way they died was unbelievable. There is a line/phrase, to further illustrating the Black Plague, saying: “there were hardly enough living to care for the sick and bury the dead”. The Black Death affected the economy, politics and religion. It also changed the culture and arts (including, the writing of Chaucer).

Placing “the Parson’s Tale” in context with the Lollards, makes som sense. As mentioned before, Chaucer was in contact with John Wyclif, who was convinced that it was only God and the Bible, which had the real authority. That the clergy should not possess property, which they indeed did. The Lollards were critical towards the Church, which of course made them quite unpopular with the clergy. The monastic leaders were not keen to follow or abide the radical views of John Wyclif and his supporters. During the Black Death, Wyclif saw many flaws and weaknesses in the established Church. Geoffrey Chaucer knew, due to his status and as member of the royal court, the realities of the church and the abuses of the clergymen. This gave Chaucer the opportunity to use humorous irony in the tales. Chaucer had an idea on how the clergy should act and was frustrated with how they actually acted, as an example the Parson vs. the Pardoner.

It is also worth recalling that, from the descriptions in the Prologue, the Parson, the Knight and the Ploughman represent the three traditional spheres of medieval society. Another very interesting female character and pilgrim in Canterbury Tales is the Wife of Bath. She sounds more like a modern woman and a feminist from the late 20th century than a woman from the late Middle Ages. She might even represent some women in this specific period.

Bibliography

Blades,William. The Life and Typography of William Caxton, England's First Printer - With Evidence of his Typographical Connection with Colard Mansion, the Printer at Bruges. Cambridge University Press, 2014.

Byrne, Joseph. Encyclopedia of the Black Death. ABC-CLIO, 2012.

Creighton, James Joseph. Chaucer's Presentation of the Church in the Canterbury Tales. Master’s theses, Loyola University Chicago, 1957

Evans, Ruth and Leslie Johnson. Feminist Readings in Middle English Literature: The Wife of Bath and All Her Sect. Routledge, 2005.

French, Robert Dudley. A Chaucer handbook. New York, 1947.

Manly, John Matthews. Some New Light on Chaucer. Henry Holt, 1926.

McCormack, Frances Mary. Author of Chaucer and the Culture of Dissent: The Lollard Context and Subtext of the Parson's Tale Four. Courts Press, 2007.

Palmer, J. J. N.. England and the Great Western Schism, 1388-1399”, The English Historical Review Vol. 83, No. 328 .Jul., 1968.

Rowland, Beryl. Sermon and Penitential in The Parson’s Tale and their Effect on Style. Florilegium 9, 1987.

Black Death: The lasting impact by Professor Tom James, last accessed Monday, October 24, 2016, http://www.bbc.co.uk/history/british/middle_ages/black_impact_01.shtml

General Prologue, last accessed Sunday, October 23, 2016, english.fsu.edu/canterbury/general.html

John Wycliffe and The Lollards, last accessed Sunday, October 23, 2016, http://sites.fas.harvard.edu/~chaucer/special/varia/lollards/lollards.html

The Pardoner's Tale, last accessed Friday, October 21, 2016, http://english.fsu.edu/canterbury/pardoner.html

The Parson's Tale PROLOGUE, last accessed Sunday, October 23, 2016, english.fsu.edu/canterbury/parsonpro.html

The Wife of Bath's Tale, last accessed Sunday, October 23, 2016, http://english.fsu.edu/canterbury/wife.html

The Wife of Bath's Tale PROLOGUE, last accessed Sunday, October 23, 2016, http://english.fsu.edu/canterbury/wifepro.html

1 John Matthews Manly, Some New Light on Chaucer (Henry Holt, 1926), 76.

2 William Blades, The Life and Typography of William Caxton, England's First Printer - With Evidence of his Typographical Connection with Colard Mansion, the Printer at Bruges (Cambridge University Press, 2014), 62-63.

3 The Pardoner's Tale, last accessed Friday, October 21, 2016, http://english.fsu.edu/canterbury/pardoner.html

4 General Prologue, last accessed Sunday, October 23, 2016, english.fsu.edu/canterbury/general.html

5 J. J. N. Palmer, ”England and the Great Western Schism, 1388-1399”, The English Historical Review Vol. 83, No. 328 (Jul., 1968): 516

6 James Joseph Creighton, “Chaucer's Presentation of the Church in the Canterbury Tales”, (Master’s theses, Loyola University Chicago, 1957): 13

7 Black Death: The lasting impact by Professor Tom James, last accessed Monday, October 24, 2016, http://www.bbc.co.uk/history/british/middle_ages/black_impact_01.shtml

8 James Joseph Creighton, “Chaucer's Presentation of the Church in the Canterbury Tales”, 11

9 Robert Dudley French, A Chaucer handbook (New York, 1947)

10 General Prologue, last accessed Sunday, Monday 24, 2016, english.fsu.edu/canterbury/general.html

11 Beryl Rowland, “Sermon and Penitential in The Parson’s Tale and their Effect on Style”, Florilegium 9 (1987): 125

12 The Parson's Tale PROLOGUE, last accessed Sunday, October 23, 2016, english.fsu.edu/canterbury/parsonpro.html

13 Black Death: The lasting impact by Professor Tom James, last accessed Monday, October 24, 2016, http://www.bbc.co.uk/history/british/middle_ages/black_impact_01.shtml

14 John Wycliffe and The Lollards, last accessed Sunday, October 23, 2016, http://sites.fas.harvard.edu/~chaucer/special/varia/lollards/lollards.html

15 Joseph Byrne, Encyclopedia of the Black Death (ABC-CLIO, 2012), 214

16 Frances Mary McCormack, Author of Chaucer and the Culture of Dissent: The Lollard Context and Subtext of the Parson's Tale (Four Courts Press, 2007)

17 General Prologue, last accessed Sunday, Monday 24, 2016, english.fsu.edu/canterbury/general.html

18 The Wife of Bath's Tale PROLOGUE, last accessed Sunday, October 23, 2016, http://english.fsu.edu/canterbury/wifepro.html

19 Ruth Evans and Leslie Johnson, Feminist Readings in Middle English Literature : The Wife of Bath and All Her Sect (Routledge, 2005), 1.

20 The Wife of Bath's Tale, last accessed Sunday, October 23, 2016, http://english.fsu.edu/canterbury/wife.html

21 Ruth Evans and Leslie Johnson, Feminist Readings, 2.

22 The Wife of Bath's Tale, last accessed Sunday, October 23, 2016, http://english.fsu.edu/canterbury/wife.html

#geoffrey chaucer #history #litterature

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coindraws · 4 years

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Random question that doesn't have to do with Coin and Harvey, but I'm really curious lol. How did you learn the different languages you know? Were you just taught them as you were growing up, did you take classes for them, did you do it on your own? Do you have any tips for somebody wanting or trying to learn a different language? Also, I absolutely adore your art like holy friggin frigg dude- I love Harvey so much and I love how you draw him, and him and Coin are just mMm aLso, happy holidays!

Okay, that ask was a surprise HAHA Didn’t know that people were curious about my life as well but I don’t mind at all 👀

Hm, well I only know three languages which are German, English and French. German is my native language and I had my first English classes at school in 3rd grade. (I don’t know if that’s normal for every state in Germany or school, but my elementary school did that) The “real” English classes started in 5th grade for me and I graduated in English in 12th grade, so I had 7 years of English lessons.

That being said, my English would never be that good if I only learnt it at school HAHA I joined the internet community at a very young age and since English was/is the main language, I learnt very fast and soon had A’s if you count grades as something concerning language level 🤷

As for French, I had to decide between Latin and that and chose the first option. I ALSO graduated in French and had lessons from 6th grade to 12th grade, so one year less. It’s very rusty, though and kind of embarrassing, oof. I had A’s as well but that’s nowhere near my knowledge NOW. I forgot a lot and the last time I properly spoke any French was almost three years ago. I still understand most of the things people say, I can watch children’s shows without any problems but I have a very hard time speaking it. I’m hoping that this’ll change soon since I’m probably going to study in France next year ✌️

I’m debating whether I should learn a 4th language because why not but I’m not sure yet. Might do it, might not, even if I won’t really need it. I can also read some Italian and Spanish because I know French and I understand some Dutch since it’s very similar to German.

I tried to learn Tagalog on my own but there’s basically no lessons for German native speakers. The only thing I found was a PDF that someone made but it only covered the very basics anyway. If I ever decide to try again I’d have to search for English - Tagalog books. Lol, I wouldn’t exactly say I’m fluent in English and I’m sorry to every native speaker that had to listen to my weird accent 😂

As for tips, watching videos on youtube helped me a lot with my English! That’s also what I used to do before any French exam, I watched a few episodes of cartoons and that was all I really did. It really depends, though which language you want to learn and what your native language is I think. For example, when we had to write essays in French I always translated what I wanted to say from English, since that was WAY easier for me than trying to translate it from German to French. Sounds weird and kind of complicated but that was what worked best for me and I’m in language chaos anyway, so I’m not sure if that’s an advice I would take HAHA

Another thing to keep in mind is that it’s a lot easier to forget a language when you’re never confronted with it. I’m still good at English because I read and listen to it everyday but I almost never read or hear anything in French. That’s also one of the main reasons why I’m not really capable of speaking it anymore.

Yadda, yadda this got way too long but thank you so much for liking my art, I can’t stress that enough!! And happy holidays to you, too!

#ask #anon #Anonymous

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iampikachuhearmeroar · 4 years

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so prompted the other day from someone commenting on one of my personal posts lamenting on my poor time management skills and how I was a good-ish student without studying etc during early high school and then by year 10 I had fuck all idea how study..... I decided to look up adhd in girls. like obviously i am not self-diagnosing myself with it bc i know that it’s a super common and serious behaviour condition. but holy fuck, i just read something about it that hit me so fucking hard that.... fuck me. i just feel so attacked:

obviously I don’t relate to the softball practice bc I never did extracurriculars and I hated sport lmao. but the writing/writer bit. and “working overtime” to get a high grade on my english assignments..... as well as over-practicing my drama stuff at home and wanting my performances to be perfect.... i was known to basically everyone as a student who should’ve been in the top English class. but it was wrested away from me bc of my lack of understanding and appreciation for shakespeare in a year 8 in class assessment on Romeo & Juliet “being starcrossed lovers” that I basically failed bc I came out with a D instead of an A or a B. like fuck. this hit me hard.

they had another point about how the girl with adhd is usually the class helper- like I was in my english classes. bc I would edit everyone’s work, be their living thesaurus & dictionary, as well as giving everyone answers on the assigned texts, because i was the only person in my class who was bothered enough to read the texts in full and enjoy them. then I never received much thanks for it.

but my maths homework? never done. or my very occasional maths take-home assignments? done by my dad at the last minute when I remembered that excel was, in fact, an actual thing. hell I didn’t even do my CLASS WORK most of the time. i instead either half wagged my maths classes (I have several posts on this behaviour lmao) or purposely “fell asleep” in my maths classes as a joke for everyone to “wake me up (wake me up inside)” like Jeff from the wiggles. bc I thought it was funny. but now I’m 24 and never (really) learned how to read a graph or learned how to calculate the mean/median and average & range and mode or whatever the fuck, etc etc. like yeah. my maths is absolutely abysmal.

my geography homework and assignments? barely ever done. and again, at the vexation of the poor kids who were assigned to sit next to me and my year 9 geo teacher who liked me, my geo class work was never done to standard. and I would pull the same “wake up Jeff” routine in geography. even though I could’ve easily done well with that year 9 teacher and my year 10 geo teacher too bc at least we also got along.

my history homework and assignments? done, depending on the teacher, the topic and the type of history. like I was useless at modern history (bc I disliked it- especially australian history lmao minus Vietnam and maybe a bit of the Cold War era spy stuff... it was the politics lmao). but, on the other hand, I was pretty good at ancient history (until I had to try and write a historical essay- and that fucked me up big time in years 11/12 and also uni). i was also mega good at aboriginal studies (like aboriginal cultural history) when I swapped schools. but I dropped out of it, due to my fear of the major project which I knew I wouldn’t meet.... bc it was literally like 50% of the total subject mark at the end of year 12.

so then my focus aside from english & ancient history in year 12 became community and family studies/cafs/social studies and my technical theatre and events management course. which both ended up with marks near the 70s, I think, at the end of year 12. my teachers were good so I went okay.

my science homework? done sometimes, depending again on the topic and the teacher.... but also that one time one teacher wanted me to go to the regional science fair bc he thought my project was good.... but I didn’t do it bc i thought my work wasn’t that good and I didn’t want to do the extra effort of the boards and presenting it.... ESPECIALLY since I’d written that coke/coca-cola was “burp fuel” in my intro. like. burp fuel??? at the regional science fair? oh god. no. no thank you. that’s mortifying both back then AND now, looking back at it. but then again, maybe that’s the part my teacher wanted me to omit in the “clean up”/editing of my work for the science fair lmao. my biology stuff in years 11/12 though? awful. so much so that I solely passed year 12 bio with the miracle of mark scaling. and this was despite the efforts of one of my friends trying to tutor me in our shared free periods.

and obvs my PE stuff was never done.... even that one assessment that was writing/illustrating a kids book about how to be healthy. which if I’d done it, I would’ve probably gone well. but it was my utter distrust of the PE/sport faculty and loathing of sport, and also the fact that when I tried to write it; it didn’t seem authentic or genuine.... that drove me not to do that assignment.

aside from academics/grades.... the other thing that hit me was that adhd girls are typically seen as the “funny/loud/tomboy” etc girls but are also exceedingly shy. like that full on attacked me too. bc it’s exactly like my flip from catholic school to public school. going from being the loud & funny sailor mouth girl who sometimes asked crass questions in PE due to the shows she watched and to see if people would laugh and did whack shit in her drama classes..... but with mostly topsy-turvy marks. to being the quiet shy and suddenly high achieving former private school girl at public school who never did any loud shit out of the blue. like. yeah. like now when I look back at my facebook statuses about me in drama class or other dumb shit I did outside of drama class in catholic school I’m like “hmmm, can’t relate” and “what the FUCK that was ME??? I don’t know her.” bc of the nervous wreck that I actually am lmao.

there was one more point to that was like “adhd boys will typically sit “with one foot on their chair in class”. and I was like. “hmmm. why does that remind me so vividly of my year 7 geo teacher/year 9 commerce teacher frequently labelling me as a “health hazard” bc I’d sit cross legged on my chairs during class????”

I also had a flashback while reading that particular article, to how, in primary school, my teachers regularly encouraged the kids who were assigned to sit beside me on table groups or whatever in class; to put a ruler between us to mark out our separate sides of the desk; so that whoever sat next to me had their own desk space and I had mine.... all bc my side was frequently unorganised/messy. that’s because when I physically handwrote things, I’d tire quickly and so slouch in my seat a bit and put my head on my other arm to write (this is my condition hypotonia/developmental coordination disorder).... so I took up a load of desk space doing that. while the other person’s side of the desk was usually neat and ordered and they obvs didn’t have my posture etc when physically handwriting something. like I’d try to have my side neat & ordered like everyone else, but it always ended up in a state of disarray somehow. like HOO BOY IT’S ALL ADDING UP.

but also yeah. I’m not self-diagnosing bc that’s such common thing on this site. but. like. yeah I need to get to a psychologist or a psychiatrist and see. because so many things are adding up and maybe I do have some overlapping traits from adhd???? bc as ive said before, my condition hypotonia/developmental coordination disorder, has some links with adhd apparently, from what I’ve read recently on it. and it’s really starting to interfere with my life bc I can’t use a diary properly etc and don’t know how to hold myself accountable with deadlines other than doing everything to the last minute until I burn out, monumentally.

anyway.

don’t reblog this please. lmao. it’s just a musing.

#life #about me #shut up ilona

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pe-ersona · 5 years

Text

11/11/11

Heyyy @bahay-kubo! You tagged my main blog @el-oc-in, but I’m going to post it here on my writeblr (I hope its okay) anyway, THANK YOU SO MUCH! I love these tagging games! I agree, I like reading what people post too!

1. have you ever participated in a writing contest? how’d it go?

I recently remember the time at my college... I entered a short story in the college’s annual anthology book. I didn’t get in. Quite a bummer but I tried a writing conference around the same time and my essay got accepted. So I felt my self-esteem boost and I think about how I do better at essay writing, but I rather write stories and stuff.

2. are you open about your writing or do you tend to be more closed off/quiet about it?

irl, I feel I’m pretty closed off like I’m not the one to share with everyone what I’m writing, however around close friends, I like talking about my writing.

3. has any of your works ever been published? (i.e. published novel, magazine/newspaper, online website, etc.)

I went through a Wattpad phrase, I still have several works on there (would I spill my account name? Maybe for a good price).

4. are you/have you ever been part of any writing groups? did you think it was beneficial?

I was in a writing club in high school...I was introduced to NaNoWriMo that stressed me out but I want to try it hardcore one day and I learned about outlining that really helps me nowadays.

5. whenever you feel hopeless about your writing, what’s one thing you refer to or think about that makes you persist?

Its not my holy grail since I tend to stray from it but 1) my outline. I don’t remember where I heard it or if I’m saying it correctly but I think about 2) this advice that if you want a story you really want to read, then you have to write it.

6. your work is being made into a movie! who’s playing who? (i.e. which actors have the privilege to play your oc’s?)

I am not prepared for this question...but I like it so much because its making me think about who I would choose...I watch a lot of kdramas and I imagined my OCs mostly with Korean ethnicity so probably Korean actors and actresses.

7. for those of us who were/are currently in school – did you ever get involved in any clubs about writing?

I joined a english club. I wasn’t involved as much...I found my english classes very inspiring especially the creative writing ones, where you actually write something creative, not that essay-writing stuff that english majors do 24/7.

8. what’s your favorite one-liner that you’ve ever written?

I wish I had one. When I write a line and find it impressive, I read it later and hate it, find it cringey and awkward... so I wish had the confidence to tell you a line that’s my favorite.

9. do you have any social medias for your writing? if so, what are they? (ya boi recently made a twt and if i could follow you all there that’d be great!)

Just my writeblr.

10. most amusing conversation your characters have ever had before?

Same answer from #8 (I’m sorry, I have a hate and like relationship with my writing).

11. where do you see yourself five years from now?

I don’t know. This is such a job interview question that it eats me inside but honestly, I don’t know. I hope in a good place.

tagging: @sunshineomeara @i-wrote-this @slothwrter @jcckwrites @writings-of-a-narwhal @svnshinewrites @wordswearcrowns @annibstudy @holotones @yikesbykimi @thoughts-ofawriter

My questions below:

1. What’s one of your writing strengths (i.e. OCs, worldbuilding, editing, etc.)

2. What are your top five influences of your current WIP (i.e. authors, tv shows, places, etc.)

3. What’s your go-to music you listen to while writing? If you don’t listen to music, what gets you in the mood of writing?

4. What’s your favorite trope in writing/books?

5. If you had to choose, which of your OCs is your favorite? Which one is based off of yourself or people you know?

6. Describe your writing style in one word

7. Have you published anything anywhere and what? (i.e. short story in a magazine, an ebook on Amazon, a fanfic on online website, etc.)

8. What genre have you never written but want to try writing?

9. What book do you recommend to read because “its such a good book you should check it out”?

10. You were invited to give a ted talk on writing, what’s the title of your presentation?

11. Any advice you write by? Or live by in general?

#writeblr #writers #writers of tumblr #writers on tumblr #tag game #11/11/11 tag #11/11/11 tag game #pe-ersona

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coldtomyflash · 5 years

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Weird question, and it's perfectly okay if "I don't know" is your answer: How did you manage to do grad school AND finish writing so many good fics? I'm writing the lit review for my dissertation right now, and I want to finish several WIPs I have (if nothing else, just to prove to myself that I can), but it just feels like I can barely do either, much less both. Any advice at all?

Ah, no worries! It’s not that odd a question. Actually, someone’s asked me before ^^; My reply to them at the time was here. No need to read it, but it’s some context?

My reply now that my head is in a healthier place is... long and winding and not actually full of that much advice but eh, I rambled as I do. If you just want the advice, scroll all the way down and it’s there.

For starters, I’m not a normal comparison point. This isn’t to pat myself on the back, but for a variety of reasons, writing is something that comes really naturally to me. I’ll detail those reasons, but before I get into that, the point I’m illustrating here is that... sometimes I think people compare themselves to how much I wrote and what else I accomplished in that time and think “hey cool - that is a function human! Why can’t I do that?” And the answer is short answer is that my brain is programmed for pretty much one thing, and that thing is writing writing, and holy crap I was the opposite of a functional human when writing that much and that quickly.

The long answer is -

I’ve been making up stories literally as long as I can remember. I spent my childhood consuming stories. I taught myself to read and was during school I was consistently reading about 8 grade levels above my reading level, and loved learning about narrative structure. I annoyed the shit out of my older brother by reading the same book series as he read, but guessing plot points that were going to happen either in that book or else 2-3 books out. he didn’t get how I would just know and I’d be like “it’s obvious - that’s where the story has to go!” Because I was imagining it in my head - what i would do with it, where it would go, where it had to go. Closing the page mid0chapter and imagining the next-scene, and then picking back up to see how right or wrong I was.

And I had a best friend for most of my childhood through to early adulthood with whom I made stories. Every weekend, creating narratives together, not writing them down but basically roleplaying them by talking them out (voices and all, it was a heck of a lot of fun, as much as it made me pretty much the nerdiest teen in existence). We tried to write a novel when we were 12, got about 7 chapters in. We had a lot of starts and stops on other stories too.

Which isn’t said to stroke my own ego, it’s said to highlight that I have a metric fuckton of explicit and implicit practice at storytelling. It was and sort of is my “whole life”. I also had teachers that helped me develop storytelling skills, and was really freaking lucky to go to a school with an AP program for English that seriously stretched my ability to write fast. We had to write an essay every single class, during class, and have it finished by the end of class (or in less time if we had lecture stuff to go over too) in my last year of high school. The essays could be creative response (i.e., short stories). I wrote a short story almost every week in the space of an hour when I was 17. By the time I got to the end of year final and actually got to use a computer and type that shit instead of hand-cramping halfway through, I somehow managed to write the two-essay final in the allotted 3 hours and, i shit you not, had a wordcount of 6000 words.

That’s still my record. It was probably a dumpster fire but I got 100% probably for sheer volume.

Anyway that was over a decade ago, but the whole reason this life story is pertinent is because -

I have practice. The only way to improve at anything, to get faster at it, for it to ease, is to practice. Practice at storytelling, practice at having to set a scene using just words sitting in my BFF’s room and trying to describe the image I had in my head for how I wanted her to see the scene as it was playing out. Practice at writing fast and getting feedback on how to write. Practice implicitly at trying to imagine what routes stories can take. Practice taking stories apart and piecing them back together, in my head, all the time.

So that’s part of it.

The other part, and this is what I said in my previous post, was depression. I was seriously fucking burnt out and depressed when I started writing coldflash fic, and grad school took a huge toll on my mental health. It’s easier to write when you’re doing it to procrastinate working on your dissertation, and easier to keep writing when you get positive feedback and it feeds those lovely dopamine gremlins in your brain who aren’t getting any positive validation from grad school because holy damn that shit is hard.

I had no balance in my life for a long time. It wasn’t good. I went to counselling. I got more balance. Fic slowed down. Still finished, but not 120k words in 3 months (that was the pace when I started fic writing...jfc I don’t know how I managed.) Life got harder. Fic was now harder to write. I got more counselling. Fic was easier to write. I moved around the world. Fic got harder to write. I started anti-depressants. Narratives now seem to be flowing again.

Regardless of the state of my mental health though, I’ve never written as much as quickly as I did during the middle of grad school. And I think that’s because I was very narratively pent up when I started writing fic. I had been so busy and pushing myself so damn hard in grad school that I didn’t make almost any time for stories, for fic, for imagining my own stories. I was suppressing that side of myself in the service of Focus. So when I burnt out, my narrative side rebounded and said “fuck that noise, I still exist, and we’re making space for me”. It took over. I came literally a hair’s breadth from quitting my PhD post candidacy. Idk what type of program you’re in, but business schools in North America? It’s a 5 year PhD typically, and I was at the end of year 3 and eyeing the door.

Anyway - I say all that because -

I am not a good example and you should not do what I did. Finishing that many long WIPs that quickly wasn’t healthy, and was only possible because I didn’t do much else at the time, and had a lifetime of practice and a narrative rebound to make it even possible.

But -

My actual advice?

1) Practice. Practice. Practice.

Not all at once, but everything counts. Daydreaming counts. Watching shows and thinking of how they could be improved counts. Talking out story ideas with friends counts. Just make it fun. Practice is something we think of as arduous and annoying. Learning new words is practice. Meeting new people and considering their traits is practice. Everything can be practice for writing. All the research you do can be practice for writing. (Random note: a childhood coping mechanism for anxiety that I had was to narrate what I was doing to myself in my head in the 3rd person. Like telling a story of myself walking to gym class in my own head. That was also practice.)

2) Have fun with it!

Don’t making writing an obligation. Then it’s another thing on the list of things you avoid. Finishing stories often feels like an obligation. I’m going through this right now with Needs Must. It can be hard to complete a WIP because you start to have internal anxieties about disappointing readers, not living up to expectations, exhaustion from that narrative, distraction / temporary loss of interest (which is normal! and not actually a bad thing!). All of that then makes you feel guilty, which makes it impossible to get into a creative space to write. You can’t work on the thing you’re avoiding.

3) It’s okay to give your WIPs breathing space.

When you hit a wall, you may need to set it aside and read it again in a month with fresh eyes. You may need to treat your story like someone else’s story. That’s, again, literally where I’m at right now with Needs Must. I just reread a bunch of it and hadn’t really forgotten the details but once they’re on the page they’re out of my head, and so taking some time before going back to reread it made it easier for me to think of like I think of every other story: “what would I do next with this? Oh that’s a twist, that needs to come back later. There’s a theme here, we’ve seen that three times. What’s the best ending I, as a reader now, can imagine for this?”

If avoidance, guilt, and/or writer’s block aren’t your issue, and it’s literally just down to time management -

4) Your graduate degree is more important than your WIPs.

Your WIPs aren’t going anywhere, they don’t have a deadline, and your readers will wait for you, and new ones will find you. Time management is an essential, awful, part of being an academic.

I get more done, both at work and creatively on fic, when I’m just a bit too busy, but that’s me. Figure out what is optimal for you, and do it. When do you get the most writing done? When you’re relieved? When you’re anxious? Late at night? First thing in the morning? When does it flow? When won’t it ruin your graduate career?

(Seriously I was writing fic at work last week and was kicking myself. I don’t have time for that shit! Set boundaries on your time!)

But full serious here, graduate school is exhausting, and almost inherently de-motivating, and even the best damn students eye the door a lot of the time, even if they do finish. It’s stressful and you feel constantly powerless. It’s a lot to need to cope with. I found writing to be a way to cope. That lit review you’re working on? Yeah, it’s zapping your time and energy. That’s normal (unfortunately). And it’s good to give yourself breaks from that to write. Don’t feel guilty for taking time here and there for yourself - to write, or to not write. To relax, unplug, unwind. To close your eyes and daydream (if you’re me) or have a bubble bath (if you’re my sister), or do whatever helps you honestly, genuinely destress. The best thing you can do for both writing and for graduate school is to take breaks and take time for yourself. There is actual science on the importance of breaks, and academics are fucking notorious for putting too much pressure on themselves to actually relax.

5) If you’re burnt out and/or depressed - seek help!

Most universities have resources for mental health! Talk to a doctor! Don’t put too much stress and pressure on yourself! Almost half of grad students are mentally ill at some point!

6) Talk out your stories with friends!

I know I already said this under “practice” but having a fandom friend to bounce ideas with and cheer you on is amazing and essentially. I was in constant contact with Bealeciphers when I started writing, and now I have a different friend who’s helped me the past couple years with writing and developing my stories. Mostly they cheer me on, and when I’m stuck, I tell them where the story is going and what I need help with. But honestly, writing doesn’t need to happen in a vacuum and doesn’t need to be you hunched over a laptop in the dark all alone and staring blankly at a screen (I’m definitely not projecting here, no siree). It’s amazing how motivating it is and how much it can help you stay on track to check in regularly with other writing friends!

7) Pick your battles.

You say you have a... couple(?) of WIPs? How many are you juggling? Is it too many? Do you need to set one (or two??) aside? When my steam was slowly and AATJS and Tumbling Together started to feel like a chore, I set TT aside and took a month break from AATJS then dived right back into AATJS (with the help of the friend mentioned above, cheering me on) because I knew it would be the harder one to finish, and the one that I feared I’d never finish if I put it aside too long. I tackled the biggest hurdle first. If that’s the type of thing for you, I recommend it. Pick the story that’s either the most or least likely to get finished, and focus your energy there.

Another battle-picking thing here? It’s okay to outsource. I’m terrible for not using a proofreader beta. It’s a weird control thing, despite the fact that I love people pointing out typos in my works so I can freaking fix them. The point here is: don’t be like me. If you suck at finding your own typos, use a beta or proofreader. My writer friend who helps me helps when I get stuck. I help them when they need feedback on specific scenes and tones, and I’ve recently discovered they hate editing (I love editing) so this entertains me to no end. Just - you don’t have to do it all yourself. If you feel like you do, see points 5 and 6 again.

Aaaannnddd that’s that. Whew. I just spent... wow, too long on this. I spent as much time on this as I did on my own grad student’s lit review I was providing feedback on today ^^; #whoops

#redhead vs. writing #long post #long post for ts #phyn rambles #writing advice #depression tw #ask to tag #Anonymous

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marcherarrant · 6 years

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Hey Marcher! I'm following you on Instagram and as we couldn't meet in the Pyrenees for a chat, there's something I'd love to know. I'm a cataphile, and as such I always wonder what's behind the wall; what's the part we can't see; who's Marcher? How can you afford your trips? Do you also sell your art for a living? I wonder because you seem to be so free from everything, but money isn't easy to free ourselves from! Thanks man!

Yo what’s up cataphile brother/sister! It’s a good question. I’m actually very bound by money and it stresses me out quite a bit. I get money by selling art but mainly by teaching English and nannying and babysitting as well as cleaning houses. These are great jobs if you want to travel because you work under the table and don’t need a visa. You can do it anywhere too. I get 10 to 15 euros an hour for this work. I live very cheap too. The last year I managed to not pay rent! It was a mix between squatting (7 months), being homeless (3 months) and living rent free with a friend (2 months). Being homeless while working is an amazing way to save money. But I saved good with a place too. You just have to find a cheap place and have roommates. I was paying 250 a month before and making a thousand a month. I purposely live very minimally too. I don’t drink or smoke. I don’t eat at restaurants. I don’t smoke weed or habitually do drugs. I don’t have a car or insurance. I don’t have a social life. Don’t go to clubs or concerts. I’m not saving for the future. Another really important thing for me is that through searching and reading a lot I have created a certain ethos behind what I do. I have my heroes and inspirations. I even have my soundtrack. “Man does not live on bread alone.” I have found a way to make this lifestyle of mine very meaningful to me. These may be the most important things that help me. They give me strength when things are so hard, when I’m so poor and hungry and worried what the hell am I going to do if I get sick. I know I will die broke and alone. Nobody wants this kind of life. But I find strength through these fears when I think about my heros such as Nietzsche, Rimbaud, Vaschel Lindsay, Diogenes the Cynic, Bulkington, Mildred Norman etc. They all died poor and alone too. But they inspired me, made me feel life is something most fucking awesome and that’s amazing, that’s what I need and want. That’s what I was searching for all my life, to feel that. So they give me strength to face the fears society has given me for not following the normal life. I have poems that give me strength “...not to autumn will I yield...not to winter even (Bitch!!!!! The Vagabond by Robert Louis Stevenson is hands down the most badass of all mother fucking tramp poems holy fuck!!!! On the Road to Nowhere by Vachel Lindsay is a close second!). I have my tramp songs, folk songs, bluegrass and folk punk which give me strength. Songs that speak of travel and adventure and also about being lonely and poor. Sun Don’t Shine by Profane Sass. Lay Me Down by 2nd Street Rag Stompers. Freight Train by Elizabeth Cotton. Hitched Up Kids by Rosa. Wait at Milano by Tim Barry. Of course books have helped me immensely. Thus Spoke Zarathustra by Nietzsche I have read so many times. The mother fucking essay titled Walking by Henry David Thoreau!!! “Not chevaliers, not Ritters or Riders, but Walkers, a still more ancient and honorable class, I trust. The Chivalric and heroic spirit which once belonged to the Rider seems now to reside in, or perchance to have subsided into, the Walker–not the Knight, but Walker, Errant. He is a sort of fourth estate, outside of Church and State and People.” Fuck that’s good!!! Also the Book Erring by Mark C Taylor! I read that book more than any other. Anyway, all of this gives me a mythos, an ethos, a belief system of sorts, a community, and all this works together to give me meaning and strength. This is perhaps what keeps me going no matter what. It is what enables me to go through discomforts and face fears that most are not willing to.

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basic-banshee · 6 years

Text

large black coffee (part 3)

A Carry On Coffeeshop - AU/ College - AU inspired by this beautiful art.

“I hear his breath catch when he finally sees me. His breath. He literally gasped. I’m so beautiful and regal I took his fucking breath away.”

Baz

Holy shit, he’s here.

He’s standing in the doorway, shaking rain out of his hair and staring around at the room in wonder, like he’s never seen a bookstore before. Like it’s a delight.

I can’t believe I almost didn’t see him. I didn’t even look up when the door opened, I just kept working on my essay, and then I glanced up on a whim, and there he is.

I look down. He hasn’t noticed me. I don’t want him to catch me staring, so I force myself back into the exact position I was in when he entered. Distracted, absorbed, absolutely not entirely tuned in to him.

I hear his breath catch when he finally sees me. His breath. He literally gasped. I’m so beautiful and regal I took his fucking breath away.

Or, more likely, I scared the shit out of him.

(I’m honestly fine with either scenario.)

I keep my face completely blank when I look up again. I don’t know what expression he would expect to find there (surprise? Anger? Disbelief? Happiness?) but I don’t want him to find any.

He’s still standing in the doorway like a moron.

“Can I help you?”

My tone is forcibly cool and clipped, and he nods awkwardly and shuffles over to the counter where I’m sitting. He’s still staring around at the room.

“I didn’t know you worked,” he says. There’s a long silence and then he adds, “here.”

He didn’t think I worked because I’m rich. That’s cute.

“Well, I do,” I answer. He’s stopped staring around the room and is now staring at the counter that my laptop and I are currently leaning on. I follow the direction of his eyes, attempting to work out what’s caught his attention, and—

Fuck. He’s seen them.

It never occurred to me that Snow would walk into a fucking bookstore of all places, so I never thought about what would happen if he caught me. It was never even a dim possibility in my mind, but here he is, at my work, staring at my fucking coffee cup collection.

Today’s is here — there’s still coffee in it, and it says “fuck face”. He’s used it before but I don’t mind. It’s one of my favourites. Partly because of the alliteration, and partly because I love the mental image.

But just next to it is the cup that says “goblin.” It’s my absolute favourite cup because it was so unexpected. I actually laughed when I saw it, I didn’t even have a cutting remark for him that day. I’ve got some pens shoved into it so that no one will mistake it for rubbish, and next to it is another cup reading “creepy vampire” which holds some paper clips. I suppose I just like the idea of Simon Snow thinking of me as some mythical beast.

“What brings you in?” I ask, attempting to pull his attention from the cups. My voice is actually nice. Shit.

Simon

I was not expecting him to be here.

I’m not used to seeing him outside of the cafe or class much. In the cafe he’s all snarling and sneering, and in class he’s always either complete tuned in to the lecture or off in his own world.

I see him on campus sometimes, but he’s always got headphones in and walks like he’s off to kill a man. I saw him walking back from football practice once though, and that was weird, because he was all kitted out and sweaty and I’d never seen him look that relaxed before.

It makes sense that he’s a footballer, I guess. He’s got that kind of build, you know? I was on the phone, just loitreing in the parking lot waiting for Penny to meet me when I saw him, and I kind of ducked behind a tree, which makes me sound sort of creepy I suppose. But he had his hair up and he was walking slowly and he looked so calm that I just didn’t believe it was actually him for a bit.

He looks calm now, but it’s different, it’s like a controlled calm. He was leaning against the counter typing something into his laptop and that stupid long hair of his was in his face when I came in, before he looked up, nonplussed. And he’s wearing a T-shirt. Literally just a black T-shirt, the same kind I’m wearing under my jumper, but he’s one of those assholes who makes a plain T-shirt look fucking good, because he’s so tall and fit. The edge of one of the sleeves is curled up a bit, and it’s outlining one of the muscles on his upper arm, which is flexed a little because that’s the arm he’s leaning on and—

Yeah anyway, like I said, it’s weird.

As if he can read my mind I watch him reach to the desk behind him, the one where some of his old coffee cups are being used for office supplies, with my embarrassing fucking insults displayed for all the world to see, and he grabs a cardigan. He pulls it on, covering up his arms and I’m almost panicking because I seriously think he was reading my mind, but then I notice the small space heater that’s chugging away next to his laptop, and I realise he’s just cold. Baz is cold. How fucking mundane.

“I’m looking for a book for my friend’s birthday,” I spit out finally. “Penny. Bunce. Penny Bunce.”

“What kind of books does she like?” he asks slowly. I can’t believe I’m asking him for a book recommendation. What kind of books does a guy like him even read?

“Uh, well, everything. She reads loads, she likes nonfiction,” I start to babble, then I stop and sigh. “Honestly, no idea. She hates every book I recommend to her.”

I swear I see the corners of his mouth tick up. I can’t believe I’m having a civil conversation with him.

“What are Bunce‘s interests, then? In general.”

“Uh,” I say. I can’t tell him that Penny likes everything, because that’s not true. But she’s interested in everything, to some degree. “She’s into feminism. Science. Cannibalism.”

I regret saying that last one, that one’s weird. But it’s true. She is into cannibalism. This week at least. Reading about it, that is. Not, you know, doing it.

Baz doesn’t seem too surprised by this list at all though, and he just nods.

“Follow me,” he says, pushing back from the counter and coming around to stand next to me. I’m not sure if he’s ever actually stood next to me before, and I don’t know why I’m thinking that, but I follow him as he walks up the short stairs at the edge of the room that lead to the nonfiction section. He walks through the shelves without even looking, pulling books out of their carefully arranged places, and returns to me with four.

“This is a nonfiction memoir about feminism,” he says, handing me a bright pink book with a fruit on the cover that looks vaguely inappropriate. I try not to flush. “Here is a new biography about Marie Curie.” He places that in my hands as well. “This is by a mortician who looks humourously at how other cultures celebrate and handle death,” he puts a huge black book in my hands, “and if you don’t like those, here is a special edition cover of Sylvia Plath.”

I stare at the books in my hands. Literally all of them are perfect for Penny. How did he do this so fast?

“Oh, thanks, these are...perfect,” I stutter. “Have you read any of them?”

He nods.

“Just the Plath and the one about death.”

“That’s kind of redundant, don’t you think?” I say. The joke slips out before I realise it, and I glance at him to see his reaction. He doesn’t laugh. His face hasn’t even moved.

“Let’s go with the death one, then,” I say quickly, holding up the large black book.

“Good choice. There’s cannibalism in it,” he says dryly, taking the books from my hands. He quickly replaces three of them, then heads directly to the counter. He doesn’t even look back to see if I’m following.

Baz

Simon fucking Snow just made a Sylvia Plath joke.

Simon Snow reads.

This information has disturbed me in a way I didn’t think was possible. If he told me he had killed a dragon I would probably process that more easily than I am currently processing the idea of Simon Snow reading Sylvia Plath.

He trails me back to the counter and looks around impatiently while I fill in the receipt slip and start to import it into our ancient system. I glance back down as he taps a freckled hand on my school book.

“What are you studying for?” he asks. He’s actually serious. What the fuck is this day?

“Economics,” I say shortly. He nods.

“Ah, yeah, that makes sense.”

Does it? Do I seem like the kind of guy who becomes an economist? I guess that’s kind of a compliment, of sorts.

“You?” I ask, because it’s polite, and also because I actually do want to know what concentration someone as ridiculous as him would choose.

“Oh, er, English,” he says.

English. The boy who can’t fucking speak properly is studying English. Of course.

“Why did you choose that?” My question comes out a bit harsh, which I’m relieved for, because this interaction has been entirely too cordial.

My tone seems to have helped Snow find steady footing again though, because suddenly he grins at me, and it’s stunning. It’s the same smile I got the day my cup read “world’s tallest twat”. I could tell he was truly proud of that one. His smile takes up his whole face, pushing his ruddy cheeks up and his teeth show and it’s like drowning in the sun.

“I dunno. It’s funny, right? I guess it just seems like the best option, which is mad considering I’m a bit shit with words.”

Suddenly the smile is gone, and a cloud passes over his face, like he’s gone too far and said something he didn’t intend to.

I don’t answer, and instead focus on running his card through the machine and fill in the receipt. This interaction has been revolutionary; I don’t want to spook him with too much kindness.

Simon

He puts the receipt in the book and slides it toward me without even looking at me. He’s completely checked out of this conversation. Is that what this is? It has to be. We’ve exchanged multiple words, and there have been no insults. It’s making me itch.

I’m actually happy that he sounds so disinterested when he tells me he hopes Bunce enjoys the book. It’s normal. It’s nasty. I cling to it.

I grab the book and give him a quick nod before I leave the store. It’s huge. I wish I had been able to wander around it a bit. Penny doesn’t have patience with me when we go book shopping, I never just get to meander through, so I was actually looking forward to doing that today. I’m not sure I would have though, once I saw Baz. I can’t imagine just knocking around the store, knowing that he’s there and can see me.

I’m three streets away when I look back at the book and see the receipt sticking out of it. I can see the top of his handwriting. It’s fucking perfect. No wonder he’s such a dick about mine.

I pull out the receipt to glare at his handwriting some more when I notice the “customer name” section. I’ve never seen it filled out on a handwritten receipt before, but there it is, in perfect, elegant letters, filled out.

“Illiterate pissant.”

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