#even more unfortunately I am too lazy to redo it

[angelkitty54]

Redesigns for superkids Sonya and Manik Acorn! Am a bit lazy with glove and shoe designs, unless I have something specific in mind they tend to be kinda basic... Going to eventually redo Estelle's design and also gotta name the baby too. Eventually :P

Sonya got a new haircut! Wasn't really satisfied with it before. Wanted a more windswept look but for it to also be a bit spiky for the hedgehog side of her. She has a longer tail than her mum just to further differentiate them. Sonya didn't just get her dad's speed, she can also turn invisible! Unfortunately she is not all that stealthy in general, nor can she turn her clothes invisible too, and she can't maintain it while using her speed either. Tho the last one is more of a concentration thing. With practice she probably could use her powers together, but seeing as superheroes are illegal in this AU, she's not going to get a chance to do so any time soon...

Bath time was a bit of a challenge when she was younger. It's just as well she's not that stealthy, but even so, hunting down a super fast kid that can turn invisible is a bit of a challenge. Her parents soon learned that if they let go of her once she was nekkid, she'd be gone and they'd have to chase her down. Shadow had the most problems with Sonya and bath time. Many a night was spent chasing after a sopping wet invisible chipmunk girl before he finally got the hang of it...

Manik mostly just got fluffier! Plus a little folded over ear (don't know what that's called if there is a word for it). Still got the gap tooth and shorter messier quills. Like his sister he also got another power as well as super speed: gravity manipulation! Given that he hasn't had much of a chance to explore his full capabilities, he's a bit limited with what he can do right now. When he points at something and says "heavy" or "light" he can increase or decrease the gravity on that thing making it heavier or lighter. Once he stops concentrating on the object it goes back to normal tho. Like Sonya he can't really use his powers together as he tends to lose focus when he's moving too fast.

He doesn't actually need to speak when he uses his gravity powers, but it's an unintentionally trained habit from when his parents were teaching him to control it. Sonic had turned it into a game and Manik has unknowingly limited his own abilities by the rules of said game. Potentially he is a lot more powerful than he's aware, but since he hasn't had the chance to fully explore his abilities thing will remain as they are for now...

[therealtrashpanda]

I haven't worked on this in nearly 2 years, but recently I've had a sudden motivation spike and am planning on bringing it back.

I'm starting by redoing and revamping the current relevant transformations of the characters.

Unfortunately I can't art. I am bad at drawing, so I can't do comic, even though I would love to. So instead I'm doing YouTube videos.

I will write up the summary later. But the idea is That Adrien, Marinette, Nathalie and Gabriel swapped miraculous' as well as roles.

But one thing that I should make clear is that Gabriel isn't really a good guy. When I made the origins episode I was lazy with the backstory on how Nathalie and Gabriel attained the miraculous' but I am going to clear it up at some point.

Some episodes will be discluded because Adrien, even as a villain has different morals than his father. Meaning he won't akumatize his family, friends, or children (so no puppeteer in season 1) I'm also changing some akuma designs up a bit because some really sucked.

Anyway I have a bunch of ideas on the concept. Might eventually redo the original episodes. But for now I'm gonna start on Pharaoh in a little bit.

Akuma class gets character development because I said so. Marinette is not the only one learning lessons, also because I said so. And Love Square isn't gonna exist.

I'm trying again, so hopefully the inconsistency after this long break won't be too bad.

I just redid Nathalie and Adrian's transformation, Gabriel's is next.

More clarification on the Gabriel isn't a good guy thing, originally I didn't have Adrien as a Senti-being, but I changed that when it was made canon. But Gabriel's treatment of Adrien is what pushes him to this extreme. The only reason Gabriel isn't still Hawkmoth in this timeline is because Adrien stole it from him before he found out about the wish and got the idea to terrorize Paris.

Anyway I'll probably link the main ones I made so far.

Scarlett Transformation and Dark Morpho

[angeltreasure]

Hello Sister, I'm the anon who keeps asking if you could pray for my education. Something unfortunate happened that made me miss my exam, but it was due to me being lazy and not double checking. I don't know if they will allow me to redo it. I am going to enter my second semester, I want feel motivated to study. I have been feeling numb for years, and it's been months since I prayed to God. I don't know how to go back to Him. I wish I had a Catholic or Christian friends so we can talk about this. I just feel lost, numb, and apathetic. If you can dear Sister, please pray for me. I want to be good and righteous. If God gave you message in my prayer request, can you please tell me what it is. I desperately need the Holy Spirit in my deeply sinful life. Thank you for listening Sister, God bless you

--Sister M

Hi Sister M,

I will pray for you! I can tell you that no matter what happens, no matter how much you fail in life or sin, God isn’t going to abandon you and stop loving you. He’s not hiding in a secret place until you get your life in order. God is with you, always. As like the Prodigal Son, God waits until you turn to Him so He can spread His loving arms out to bring you home. You don’t need to be perfect in order to go back to Him. A simple prayer is all you need to start. Speak to Him as you would a dear friend. He loves you more than you can ever imagine and He waits so patiently for you. If you are Catholic, remember the Sacrament of confession is always there for you and is a great blessing.

I suggest as a student, to keep a picture of the Holy Family with you. It can be a bookmark or even your phone lock screen, or a little picture to carry around in your wallet. Whenever you feel tempted to sin, take the picture out. To flood our human senses with holy things can help us out of temptation.

Other examples to “flood the senses” are, listening to soft Gregorian chant with your headphones, taste the consecrated Eucharist and wine at Mass, read one verse from the Bible, smell beautiful incense or a scented candle, touch beads of the Rosary or pages of your favorite Bible, read about the lives of the saints, and forms of prayer. The Mass is the highest form of prayer. The Rosary is a powerful prayer that has even converted a high Satanic priest; it helps focus our mind away from sin and onto the lives of Jesus with His mother, Mary. The Divine Mercy Chaplet kept the world from being destroyed by the wrath of an Angel. Blessed bells by Catholic priests have been excellent during exorcisms to expel demons because of their beauty and holy sounds. There is also Relevant Radio to listen to 24/7. EWTN is great for watching shows, masses, prayers.. highly recommend Mother Angelica Live if you’ve never seen it. Bishop Robert Barron with his Word On Fire is great to jump into on his website or binge watch on YouTube. Volunteering at your local church can be a great benefit for all.

Some teachers are kind enough for second chances, other ones are more strict. All you can do is ask. They may surprise you, offer you a different option, or make you learn the hard way. Pray for them, okay?

The Holy Spirit lives in you and He will help guide you. Your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit. Remember this. Take care of your body, especially going through the stresses of student life. Eat healthy, exercise, drink water, treat your body kindly with respect. What you carry is a special gift, even in your bad days.

For motivation, look to the saints. Each one lived a unique kind of life that they lived to get to Heaven. Some were students too. You may be able to find a favorite saint or two to model after. Don’t forget your guardian angel. They never leave your side and are waiting for you to pray to ask for their help. He can guide you too and help you, especially when friends are not available. You can be good and righteous.

“But now thus says the LORD, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.”

- Isaiah 43:1

[proxyedgy]

Due to unfortunate circumstances (sleepy) (was not looking at sprite ref) I ended up swapping the red and yellow on the fur.

[h3art-n-s0ul]

Apologies

Akaashi x Reader

(Please feel free to reblog and comment)

Word Count: 2k

Genre: Fluff

Summary: Keiji is planning on proposing to you, but nothing seems to go to plan.

Content Warnings: Language, minor comedic sexual references

___________________________

Akaashi had been planning to propose to you for two months. Two very long months. Well he knew he was going to marry you about five minutes after meeting you. But technically, he bought the ring two months ago. He had it all perfectly planned out. In two days, he would propose in the place you two first met. He knew it was cliche but, the place you two met was slightly unconventional.

It was the parking lot in front of the local university library. He had actually gone in to talk to the administration and see if he could rent out the parking lot from them. The request was so odd, it took them a bit of time to respond. It actually worked out perfectly since they were closed this Saturday, so they agreed to let him rent it out for his intended purpose. The staff were quite confused as to why he would want that old parking lot until Akaashi explained. They hadn’t gotten enough funding to redo it in years so there were tens of potholes, cracks, and broken pieces of blacktop. The colored lines were fading so most people just guessed where to park. But that very parking lot was responsible for your meeting.

It was early spring, and there was still a chill in the air. Akaashi was running late to one of his classes and was weaving between vehicles in the parking lot to get to his car. You were busy walking towards the library with a book up to your nose. Multitasking you know? Akaashi didn't see you around one of the cars and obviously neither did you, too invested in your book. Like fate brought you together, you crashed into one another. You completely stumbled backwards, less than gracefully, sending your book flying. And fly it did, right into a muddy puddle.

“I am so sorry!” Akaashi bent down to help you up before retrieving your ruined book. He brushed off the cover and noticed the title.

“Shit, sorry I wasn’t looking where I was going.” You apologized and he handed you the novel.

“No, no, it was totally my fault. I was in a rush. I’m so sorry about your book. I have to say you have great taste in fiction though.” Akaashi laughed lightly.

“Oh um thank you. Again, I am so sorry for running into you, well, I mean I'm not, but, uh-that was totally my bad. I’m sure you need to get going…” You turned to leave before he grabbed your wrist while he reached into his bag to pull out his wallet.

“Please allow me to pay for it.”

“No, really it’s fine. You don’t have to do that. Totally my fault. I'm sorry.”

Akaashi opened his wallet and groaned, “Ugh god I am so sorry I only have my card. Here.” He scribbled on the back of a receipt and handed it to you. “This is my phone number, text me your venmo and I’ll pay you back. I’m really in a rush right now, sorry.”

“No it’s fine really! Um what’s your name if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Akaashi.”

“Great. I’m Y/n. Wish we could have met under better circumstances, but I’m glad we’ve met. I’d like to chat about your taste in books sometime.”

“Me too.”

Eventually, you texted him, but it had nothing to do with venmo. Instead you invited him out to coffee and you two just kept meeting. Akaashi felt bad each time that he hadn’t paid you back, but you reassured him it was fine and he could bring money next time. In actuality you were using it as an excuse for you two to keep meeting up. Until finally, neither of you needed an excuse to see each other. One thing led to another and two years passed. Now you and Akaashi were living together in perfect harmony.

Akaashi had contacted Bokuto before he bought the ring. Who better to consult about this than his best friend?

“OH MY GOD YOU’RE GOING TO PROPOSE?!” Bokuto yelled into his receiver. “About fucking time. Okay hear me out, spell the question out in fireworks. She can’t say no!”

Akaashi chuckled. “Well I was thinking of going for something a little more private and personal. And I don’t even know if she’ll say yes yet.”

“Keiji are you kidding? There’s no way she can say no. You two are so perfect for each other!” Bokuto was so excited for his best friend.

“I don’t know about that first part. I just know she’s it for me. I’m just glad I know her pinterest username. I think I’m going to start there.”

“I admire your resourcefulness. Honestly, I bet you could pop the question in a garbage yard and she’d still say yes.”

Then it hit Akaashi and he knew exactly where he wanted to propose to you.

“Hey thanks for the ideas Ko. I have to go right now.”

“But you just called?”

“I have to run to the bookstore right away.”

It was perfect. He would set the open ring box on top of the book when he got down on one knee, finally paying off his debt to you.

All he had to do now was lie in wait. Just two days. He could do it. It took everything in him not to tell you already. He tucked the book into the back corner of his t-shirt drawer along with the ring. It forced a smile on his face every time he got ready in the morning.

“Hey Darling, I’m going to head out real quick to pick up the new air conditioner, okay?” Keiji yelled from the back bedroom.

“Yeah okay sounds good. Oh wait- can you get take-out? I’m kinda too lazy to make dinner.” You laughed and he walked into the living room where you were sitting. A book sat in your lap. Some things just never change.

“Yeah of course. Panda express?” Keiji smiled at you.

“Oh god I’m so in love with you.” You replied. Akaashi scoffed and leaned down to press a quick kiss to your lips.

“Okay I’ll be right back!” You heard the clatter of his keys and the shut of the door. Your eyes cast downward back to your page. About five minutes later you wiped a bead of sweat from your forehead. ‘God it is way too hot.’ You stood up and walked to your shared bedroom to change into something lighter. Unfortunately, your favorite t-shirt resided in Akaashi’s drawer. You pulled the drawer open in search of the thin, white shirt. You fingered through the various fabrics until they touched something hard and smooth.

“What- is..” You pulled the novel out and saw the title. ‘Why would ‘Kashi hide this…Fuck what if this was like a gift for me or something?’ You thought. You already felt bad before your eyes scanned back inside the drawer. A little black velvet box sat in the back right corner. Holy shit. Your hands were shaking as you slowly grabbed the object and opened it. A bright diamond ring stared back at you. Holy shit.

“H-he was going to propose?” Shock filled your body and you backpedaled to sit on the king bed. You couldn’t think.

‘Maybe the ring wasn’t his? What? No that’s stupid. Well maybe it’s not an engagement ring?’ Your eyes glanced back down at the ring.

‘Nope. Definitely an engagement ring. When was he planning on proposing? Sure you guys had talked about getting married before but- he was planning it this whole time? How long?’ And then the worst thought filled your mind. ‘Holy shit. What if he’s angry at me? I totally ruined the surprise! Maybe I can put it back and pretend I didn’t find it? No, I don’t wanna lie to him! Oh my god what if I start off our marriage with lies! He’d never forgive me! And then we’d have to get divorced in our 40’s! Oh god!’ Before you could pull yourself out of your thoughts, the front door opened.

“Hey love, I forgot my phone!” Panic settled in your body and your hands scrambled to shove the ring underneath the blankets.

“Darling?” Akaashi walked into the bedroom and saw you awkwardly sitting on the bed. He chuckled a bit, “Love? What’s going on? Why are you sitting like that?”

“Oh- me? What do you mean? I was just relaxing.” You tried to block his view from the book by sitting upright.

“Did you finish your book? Why are you all sweaty?” Keiji noticed the anxious aura around you.

“Um well you see-” Come on Y/n. Think of an excuse! Come on!

Keiji raised his eyebrow suspiciously and started to lean over to see behind you.

“MASTURBATING!” You squeaked out.

“What?” Keiji started laughing.

“ I was- um masturbating. That’s why I’m all sweaty. Sorry. God this is so embarrassing you should just leave!” You nervously winced. ‘I’m so fucking stupid.’ You internally facepalmed.

“Um okay. I’m sorry I uh I’ll just get going. Sorry babe.” He flushed red and awkwardly started to shuffle out of the room before seeing the open top drawer. Oh fuck. He immediately turned around to you and sighed. He hung his head low and asked, “You found it didn’t you?”

“KEIJI I SWEAR TO GOD I AM SO SORRY I DIDN’T MEAN TO IT WAS JUST SO HOT AND YOU KNOW HOW I LIKE WEARING YOUR T-SHIRTS-” He collapsed into a heap on the floor and put his face in his hands.

“PLEASE ‘KASHI NO I AM SO SO SORRY PLEASE DON’T BE UPSET WITH ME YOUR SHIRTS JUST SMELL SO GOOD AND YOU KNOW WE DON’T HAVE AC! UM WE CAN PRETEND IT NEVER HAPPENED I MEAN I DIDN’T REALLY EVEN SEE MUCH-” You continued rambling before he got up and grabbed your hands. When you looked at his face he had tears in his eyes.

“OH GOD KEI I AM SO-”

“Why would I be upset with you, love?” Keiji smiled bitterly.

“Y-you’re not mad?”

“No, of course not. I’m mad at myself. I should’ve remembered you liked wearing my t-shirts.” He tucked a piece of hair behind your ear. “I guess this just isn’t really how I pictured this going. I’m so sorry.”

“No, Keiji, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault.” You profusely apologized.

“Wow this really brings me back.” He smirked thinking of your first meeting. “So, I take it as a no?”

“What? WHAT? NO NO NO!” You frantically waved your hands in front of yourself. “IT’S A YES! YES! Keiji, I am so in love with you baby!” You grasped his cheeks in your hands and sniffled.

“Really?” His eyes widened.

“‘Kashi are you kidding? Of course I want to spend the rest of my life with you! There’s no one else I want.” You reassured. Slowly he propped his right leg up and looked up at you while holding your hands.

“Darling...I’m so glad to hear that because I will never love anyone more than you. You’re all I want. Forever. Will you marry me?”

“Yes. Yes. Of course!” You buried your face into the crook of his neck and started bawling.

“And just so you know, I wasn’t planning on proposing in our bedroom. I was actually planning on proposing to you in a shitty parking lot.” Both of you laughed.

“Where we met?”

“Of course.”

“No, no, this was perfect too.” You grinned into his neck.

“I rented out the parking lot too.”

“You didn’t!” You shoved his shoulder in disbelief.

“I did. I was going to finally give you your book.”

“You’re such a romantic, Keiji.”

“And now your fiance.” Both of you couldn’t keep the smiles off your faces.

‘I can’t wait to spend forever with you.”

BONUS:

“CONGRATS YOU GUYS!!!” Bokuto hugged both of you. “Akaashi I thought you rented the parking lot for Saturday though?”

“Yeahhhh...about that.” “She found the ring early.”

“Oh shit. Sorry man.” Bokuto rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

“No Ko, it was actually perfect. I don’t really care anyways. As long as we’re together.” You leaned into your boyfriend, fiance, future hubby.

“What did I tell you, Keiji?” Bokuto cawed.

“Yeah, yeah.”

“So what are you doing with the parking lot then?” Ko asked.

“We’re having a panda express picnic date on Saturday.”

(A/n literally could not sleep. Just this on my brain at 2:30 am)

[struwwelzeter]

Because i miss your design themed rants (it is good word here) i would like you to rank Rammstein album covers from designers point of view.

Ah, I love you. This got VERY ranty.

This is kinda hard because I tend to judge the entire packagaing/notes, and when I count that into it the ranking would be ever so slightly different. I’ll mention it for each I have Opinions (TM) on, but yeah, this is solely going on cover. I’ll only do the studio albums, not made in germany or the DVDs, or this will get too big.

7th: Rosenrot.

I know lots of you are gonna hate me for this. It’s not that I don’t like it, I do, it’s beautiful. Unfortunately it’s ... slightly lazy. It’s I think their most obvious cover and obvious feels like it’s good design but never truly is. It’s got that first idea feel, if that makes any sense. There is always that project where you go “uh can’t think of anything, but this works.” It’s not a bad thing, they clearly still knew what they were doing. It’s just ... that typical photoshop post apocalyptic composit that lost of metal/alternative bands did at some point. They all did it because it’s cool. No argument there. It’s just that I expect a bit ... more.

6th: Herzeleid

I know it’s iconic, but. The execution?! Terrible. The colours of their skin and that flower?! Too different to feel monochromatic, to same same to contrast nicely. Too much texture. What is that?! The positive bit is the placement of the typography because, neat! Most people fail at that. I like the blue-grey there aswell, how about you’d added that to their skin a little? No? Ok.

Also, this (Richard speaking):

“The bloody sleeve! What a crazy situation that was. We approved the photos in a car park without thinking what we were letting ourselves in for. When we saw what the designer had done, we freaked! We looked so… gay! All of us stripped to the waist. It was like an ad for a gay porno film. So we had to say, sort it out. Make us look straight again. Change the sleeve.”

Who in the fuck works like this?! Nevermind, I know it was a considerably younger Dirk Rudolph, but fucking hell, have some self respect, all of you. I know they didn’t know what they were doing, they probably had the management/record company comission it, and that was still the time graphic designers were seen as just pixel pushers from that time it took 3 days to layout a poster. Still. What was that brief?! Could you have sat down for 20 minutes and talk, perhaps?! Also, I hope this is how Richie learned to be the nightmare client I know he is. Don’t approve layouts in a car park, what the fuck is wrong with you.

It’s a pity because the concept? Nice. Sculpted men infront of flowers, what else do you want from life. Why crysanthemes, tho? Too textured in that macro shot. What is that photo angle?! Might try and redo that if I ever feel like it.

5th: Reise, Reise

This breaks my heart a little, because it’s my lonely island album. And it isn’t bad by any stretch. Actually, their album cover game is ridiculous, can I have that established as a general benchmark? It would make for a lot less mental break downs. The thing is ... I like the idea. Make it look like the black box, cool. The problem is the type. It makes it look like “Flugrekorder Nicht Öffnen” is the album title. To be fair, Typesetting is my main thing, and album artists get it wrong (imo) 99 out of 100 times. I wish they would have comitted more and just left the titel off and solved it with a slide in, or a sticker or something like that. It’s just a bit ... weird. What works brilliantly is that it’s very memorable, stands out on the shelf, is unusual, all of that. It’s iconic. I do like it very much but I had to place something here.

4th: Liebe ist für alle da

Now the thing with that album is that it has two covers. If I’d gone by the original one, I’d have to place it behind Reise, Reise. Everything RR has in impact, this is missing. It’s too dark, has too many pieces, it won’t stand out on a shelf. Especially not in the CD age when it was on 12x12 cm. Even on a Vinyl, it’s ... just not that impactful. Sure, the photograph is beautiful but meh. Luckily there is a second option. And that - is almost like a logo. It works as a symbol, and that makes it so strong. Less is more. Brilliant. You can draw it from memory. It’s so iconic, the kind of stuff that starts showing up in subways, drawn on the back of a seat and sprayed on walls. Tell me you never wanted to paint that on a flag and take it to a pride parade. I am sure some of us have.

I do want to mention the booklet in this, because it does bump it up a little too, because where the panorama image fails as a cover, the inside is done so beautifully with the fold out, the type setting, everything. It’s special, and done with love and it shows.

3rd: Mutter

There is just something about this that is so, so, so memorable. Everyone recognises this. If you ask anyone over the age of 20 to describe Rammstein with an album cover only to someone less familiar, is anyone gonna say anything but “they’re the band with the embryo in close up”?! Maybe this is subjective because that’s how I first got exposed to them, but I don’t think so. It’s such a powerful image. It’s both beautiful and uncomfortable, the way Rammstein as a whole and that album in particular is beautiful and uncomfortable. It’s stunning. That’s it. Unfortunately, this one falls apart inside. The went too far with the whole Matrix inspired cyber elements. It’s trendy and trendy never stands the test of time, in that it has the same problem Rosenrot has, but much worse because it’s not even done that well. They could have just used the photos and kept it raw. The type setting on the cover is as good as it gets with albums tho, so I am happy.

2nd: Sehnsucht

Ah, Sehnsucht. The most perfect band shoot they ever had. Helnwein just ... did it. I don’t know, it both defined and summed up who they are aesthetically for the longest time. It’s the visual statement that says “this is Rammstein”. It ... just looks like a band that sings about heartbreak and necrophilia is supposed to look like. Don’t you agree? How else would it look like? Even that omniously coloured beach. It’s as if the predicted the mood of True Detective, only less Hollywood. That darkness we don’t want to see, that can happen anywhere. And where they fell short with Mutter, where they added too much on to these powerful images, they just added the type. Granted, it was the 90s so it’s slightly experimental type. But unlike most type in the 90s it stood the test of time. Add the whole variable cover versions and chefs kiss! Beautiful work. Makes me happy and emotional and ugh.

1st: The White Album

I’m just calling it that now. The Matchstick. You know, good design is made up from three components only: Concept. Commitment. Execution. The concept of this is so streamlined and clean. It’s the entire Rammstein story narrowed down to a single little thing. It’s small and ordinary looking but it can become dangerous and big. It’s underestimated. A little piece of wood with a head of phosphor and calium chlorit and yet you can commit the most legendary arson. It’s the personification of the thing that has become synonymous with them: Fire. It says so much with so little. And then they comitted to that. No useless typography, a simple but oh so well done photoshoot, the simple text on white. They didn’t ad too much additional ideas on to it, they trusted that one to carry and it does. They could have done without the black and white match stick arrangements inside, although I’m not even sure if that’s not just a limited edition thing, it’s a bit too much almost. They got scared a little there. The execution is also well done, I have very little to critique, only that I feel it lacks a tiny bit of love. The thing is, the more minimalist you go, the more love you have to put into each element. I feel like the spacing of the type should have been fixed in a few places but honestly that is being very very picky. Or not. Because if it wasn’t for that, and the teeeeny tiny commitment issue, this should have been a candidate for the packaging grammy. I mean it should be even the way it is, but we all know how those fuckers ignore our boys.

I’m done. Can I use this as application? Do you think if I send them a run down of basically tearing them apart they will hire me?

[mochi-marie]

hello! I would like to request a haikyuu matchup please :D (I apologize in advance if I write too much aksjk hopefully it'll make it easier to match me up?)

1) I'm a straight female and use she/her pronouns

2) I'm about 5'6", have straight brown hair (my friend says it looks orange-ish in the sunlight??), brown eyes, and I've been told that I'm kinda pale (but unfortunately flush easily lol).

As for things that make me stand out, I have patches of eczema littered all over my skin. I have a few on my hands and wrists and even though ik they're not a good thing and of course would much prefer not having eczema, I kinda like that it makes me unique. I also have round glasses (my eyesight is extremely bad ㅠㅠ), wear a lot of black, and recently have been wearing this tan overcoat everytime I go out bc it's big and comfy. oh, and I've always loved black low-top converse!

I'm overweight so I'm kinda insecure about my physical appearance, but I've been dealing with it for so long that ig I've come to terms with it and have just accepted that this is how I am (but I have been trying to exercise... >_>)

3) I'm a gemini, istp-t, and enneagram type 5. I think I treat people how they treat me; if someone doesn't talk to me, I probably won't talk to them unless necessary, and if someone is very friendly and nice to me, I'll be a bit more open and talk more. I'm usually pretty reserved and go with the flow, but around people I'm more comfortable with I can be very sarcastic and playful. I'm kinda a mom/therapist friend. I'm very lazy and an expert procrastinater (I do what's necessary in the most efficient way possible, unless it's something that I enjoy).

Some things I enjoy: cooking & baking, arts & crafts, reading, sketching, 80s music, watching anime/tv/movies (especially crime, mystery, and thriller), and photography (as far as taking scenic photos with my phone goes lmao). idk if this counts as interests, but I'm planning on majoring in business administration and accounting. and as for my clothing style, I currently dress for comfort bc I'm always inside, but if I get a chance to redo my wardrobe I'd like to dress in a style more like dark academia/comfy casual? I have no idea if those are the right words to describe it 😅

4) I'm pretty sure my love language is physical touch, but I also really enjoy receiving spontaneous gifts or stuff I've been wanting (and money lmao I'm a big saver)! I've never been in a relationship, but I know I would definitely have to be friends with someone before even considering a serious romantic relationship, so I would ideally be comfortable around them already. I have a tendency to bottle up my emotions and I'm honestly a bit of a tsundere, so I think I might be shy in voicing my wants/initiating things. as for my type, I would prefer someone tall, mature but able to be playful and can take a joke (I sometimes use "idiot" as a term of endearment sksj I can be kinda mean sometimes tbh), patient since I'll take a while to open up, and ideally ambitious and willing to take initiative (bonus points if they're able to keep up with my sarcastic banter!)

5) I definitely like to sleep in, but if I need to wake up early and I can do so relatively easily. ig you could say I'm more of a night owl. I'm in a constant state of tiredness (possibly fatigued but idk) lol. I could technically live without music but would 100% prefer not to. my favorite song is "eyes without a face" by billy idol. I've never really thought about what my ideal first date would be, but I would like if it was well thought out and personal instead of the typical movie and dinner I suppose.

thank you so much for taking the time to do this!! I apologize again for writing so much 😅 hopefully you'll be able to have some fun writing, and I hope you're doing well! and no worries if you're unable to get to my matchup; please prioritize your wellbeing <3

𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲𝘀: i had such a blast reading through this entire thing!!! thank you for writing this much, seriously — i love it, it makes it so much more interesting and easier on my part to find a match!! <3

𝗞𝗨𝗥𝗢𝗢 𝗧𝗘𝗧𝗦𝗨𝗥𝗢𝗨

♡ . . . REASONINGS : filtering through the information, i have decided that, in my personal opinion, you are best paired with kuroo tetsurou!

starting off, the trench coat? comfy and casual dark academia fashion style? from looks alone, you seem like a pretty good match-up with kuroo. on the outside look in, i feel like you both would look like a really smart, cute, and sensible / mature couple! in all honesty, i think that kuroo would find your big glasses adorable ( and if you're prone to loosing them, he would find it sickeningly cute if you cling to him while you both searched for the glasses ). i imagine his breath hitches whenever his eyes lay on your figure in the setting sun, turning your hair into a pretty orange-brown shade that makes his heart beat a little bit faster. kuroo is used to being around more reserved people ( as he was once reserved, and now his best friend is rather reserved as well ), so becoming a friends-to-lovers dynamic would be easy. your playfulness and possible sarcasm seems to perfectly interact with his own, and considering some research about your enneagram and personality type, i think that your ( possible ) creativity and curiosity really intrigues him and keeps him curious and attentive with you. i feel that he might always be wondering what's going on in that pretty head of yours, curious to know what your next wonderful idea is or what your mind is thinking about. as an obvious friends-to-lovers trope, i think your relationship with kuroo would be very cute! i have a feeling that he'd love that your love language is physical connection, and would pick up on any ques if you're feeling cuddly and can't get the words out to ask for soft intimacy and cuddles! sarcastic banter? mature yet playful? i think your ideal type seems to perfectly match up with kuroo -- he would most definitely be able to take whatever playful insults you have to throw at him, and be able to throw some back. he knows when to be playful and understands if he ever goes too far, and will own up to any mistakes he may make. considering your hobbies and interests, i think your interest in crime shows / mystery and thriller movies / anime may really pique his interest, and he'd eventually be hooked right along side you. and he may not be the best in the world, but imagining the both of you together, baking or cooking something ( possibly late at night because of midnight cravings ) could be really cute!

𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗣 𝗛𝗘𝗔𝗗-𝗖𝗔𝗡𝗢𝗡𝗦

♡ . . . staying up late at night and ending up heading into the kitchen together to make a midnight meal doesn't happen too often, but sometimes all you both need is a look at each other as your stomachs growl after a food-related ad on tv. ♡ . . . would absolutely make you feel like a queen all day and everyday if he can help it! will exercise with you if you would let him, and would celebrate all achievements with you; big or small! ♡ . . . kuroo is surprisingly one of the most thoughtful boyfriends, in my personal opinion! i feel like the dates would be well planned, memories eagerly waiting to be made! ♡ . . . the banter between you both is so cute!! it can be sarcastic, but it's never hostile, always playful and light, a smirk plastered onto his lips in a charmingly charismatic way! ♡ . . . stay-at-home-and-watching-a-show-dates!! whether it be wide-eyed and open-mouthed concentration on crime shows, or close-cuddling while watching some thriller or mystery shows / movies / animes!

𝗥𝗘𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗛𝗜𝗣 𝗠𝗢𝗢𝗗𝗕𝗢𝗔𝗥𝗗

𝗢𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗥 𝗣𝗢𝗦𝗦𝗜𝗕𝗟𝗘 𝗖𝗔𝗡𝗗𝗜𝗗𝗔𝗧𝗘𝗦

♡ . . . akaashi keiji, iwaizumi hajime, miya osamu, daichi sawamura

[theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin]

I really like Tequila from Lee's world. What would that weird Tom/Ginny combination be like if Lee had never returned to the HP universe? Would they become more like October Tom? Or something else entirely? How would Tequila handle the mad creature their main soul has become?

Oh man, you give Tequila far more credit than I do.

For simplicity’s sake, I’ll refer to Tequila below as “he”, mostly because it’s really Wizard Trotsky at the wheel in “Minato Namikaze and the Destroyer of Worlds”. He just happens to rock Ginny Weasley’s adolescent body.

Tequila’s a hot mess, a dumpster fire, and it doesn’t matter if he’s pining after Tom Riddle’s childhood friend Ellie Potter, if Tom is stuck in a diary only to be released to confront Ellie/Harry Potter, or if he’s stuck in a diary and released only to find out Ellie Potter isn’t even there. Tequila will always be a mess.

Let’s say Lee never showed back up. Tequila’s life would be one of hilarity and woe.

Wizard Trotsky likely would have continued masquerading as Ginny, i.e. being Tequila, out of a sheer lack of ability to answer the question “what the hell do I do now?” That’s why he stuck around as Ginny in the first place. 

So Tequila goes to Hogwarts, milks “I’m an invalid, woe is me, I can’t go to class cough cough I am traumatized by snakes on planes” excuse for as long as he can get away with it (which is forever) and ends up with decent marks (having gone through Hogwarts twice now) but not nearly as good as he once had or, say, Hermione has because he’s gotten profoundly lazy. Sadly, this still puts him ahead of 50% of Hogwarts’ population.

Similarly, Tequila’s effort at impersonating Ginny Weasley is half-assed at best. However, because Ginny went through an incredibly traumatic experience, no one gives him shit for it or wonders “Hey, is this really Ginny?” Due to this, Tequila’s soul is dying inside even more than usual. He doesn’t even have to try around these assholes. He could walk up to the wall, spray paint “I am Voldemort, bitch!” and they’d probably just try to console him.

Lee showing back up out of the ether is the most exciting that has ever happened to Tequila possibly ever. It’d be better if Lee wanted to do epic ninja battle, so Tequila could prove how cool and not useless he is and defeat his prophesied enemy, but even Lee just being in the castle, insulting everybody, and lighting all of Hagrid’s pets on fire is amazing.

But anyways, Lee never shows up.

Tequila gets a pretty good idea of who the original Death Eaters were thanks to gossip but there’s not much he can do about it as all the Death Eaters (aside from the ones in prison) have disavowed Voldemort out of self preservation. His showing up as an adolescent schoolgirl just doesn’t have the same effect  and it’d be a little hard to prove who he is given that he doesn’t even really know these people.

Not to mention that Voldemort was this distant thing in the future for him and he has no idea how to actually go about doing any of that. The actual Voldemort has many years experience on him in recruiting, guerilla warfare, logistics, etc. 

Tom Riddle was in dueling club one time, it was great, he learned things.

So Tequila likely wiffle waffles a lot, telling himself, “One day, I’m going to run out on all these assholes, return as Voldemort, and then Granger will cry” only to sigh and realize it’s far more realistic to start from fresh. Besides, why just try to redo what his other half did, he wants to be his own person (a better more competent version! He won’t get blown up by any toddlers!) and that means finding his own cause. And if he can make Dumbledore’s Order his Order, then great.

Not to mention there’s the disturbing possibility that Voldemort’s not quite dead. Now, Tequila can give this credence as being the horcrux, he knows that Voldemort’s not really dead. He’s amazed Voldemort managed to blow himself up with a baby, amazed, embarrassed, and offended, but Tequila isn’t willing to completely throw out the idea that Voldemort’s this evil wraith who occasionally possesses muggle studies professors. Not exactly on Tom Riddle’s bucket list, but clearly, the original screwed up everything and doesn’t even deserve Tequila’s respect.

(Tequila went through a brief, extremely brief, period of wondering if he should seek out the main soul and help him return it to power. Being the horcrux, technically, he should probably serve the original soul.

Then he remembered that asshole had one job, only one job, and he ruined it. Tequila was shoved into a diary for nothing and look what happened. Now there’s a national Harry Potter Day. Clearly, the wrong half of Tom Riddle was put out of commission and if you want it done right you’ve got to do it yourself.)

So, in 1994 without Lee’s involvement, Voldemort returns from the grave. Because I’m realistic, Neville probably dies. Sorry, Neville, you lived a good if short life and I’m sure you gave it the college try. Dumbledore falls into despair and “THE WORLD IS DOOMED!” mode now that all his even remotely prophesied children are MIA and immediately gets the Order of the Phoenix together.

Ginny, being thirteen at the time, isn’t allowed because that would be ridiculous. Despite it being ridiculous to include thirteen year olds, Tequila is pissed that he’ll have to wait another god knows how many years before Molly lets him do what he wants.

Offscreen Dumbledore probably goes through varying levels of extremely horrifying solutions to the Tom Riddle problem.

First, he probably goes horcrux hunting. Unfortunately for Dumbledore, in “Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus” and “Minato Namikaze and the Destroyer of Worlds” there are only two horcruxes and only one was intentional. Tom had originally planned to make seven but the hangover from the first one was so mind breakingly awful he went “New plan, I will make one horcrux, and then I will think of something else”. He never really got around to thinking of anything else.

Dumbledore, however, doesn’t know this. So he dutifully collects memories, banks on Tom’s ridiculously romantic nature, and starts going to places of importance. Not to reveal too much, but Tom actually laid several traps around for those poking their nose around looking for his horcrux. Dumbledore steps into several of these with not so good results.

Given that one of the horcruxes is Ginny and the other is still stuck in Konoha without any access to magic, Dumbledore is 0 for 2.

More, given that only Neville Longbottom was prophesied to have the ability to defeat the dark lord either Dumbledore has to somehow resurrect Neville or else get himself a new Neville. Because I love terrible, but funny, things let’s say he does both and we get a round of Pet Semetary (sometimes, dead is better, Albus) and pulling in Harry Potters/Neville Longbottoms from other dimensions (but miraculously not Eru Lee somehow, which is great for her because she’s busy having a terrible time in the third shinobi war). 

Back to Lee for a bit and why Dumbledore’s first solution isn’t just to desperately try and find her.

First, she is completely off the map and has been for years. She isn’t even registering as “dead” or “in mortal peril” she’s just gone. Somehow finding her and hoping, miraculously, for her blowing up Voldemort a second time just isn’t on the table.

Second, Lee’s involvement in the prophecy is... a bit wonky. This has been noted a bit in “Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus” but the prophecy in “Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus” and “Minato Namikaze and the Destroyer of Worlds” actually explicitly does not refer to her in that it specifies a male child born at the end of July. This is because the universe is falling apart and we’re all doomed, doomed, doomed, but that’s a different story. Point being, especially in this Lee-less version, Albus has no idea what’s up with Lee but he’s putting his money on Neville. Poor, dead, Neville.

Tequila meanwhile gets to read news of how everything’s going to hell in the dumbest way he can imagine. Voldemort clearly came back wrong and missing a lot of brain cells, even with a body he keeps not taking over the ministry even though they’re practically begging him to do it, and everything he does is not only a) very embarrassing but b) it prevents Tequila from rising into power and becoming amazing.

Clearly, he must be stopped, there can only be one Lord of the Rings.

Well, destroying him completely means destroying Tequila first, and we can’t have that. So Tequila comes up with the only reasonable solution: they have to seal Voldemort’s evil spirit away in some magical artifact.

Tequila drops out of Hogwarts, goes adventuring for a few years, finds some exorcism sword or something and learns how to use it. Comes back and anticlimactically defeats Voldemort while everyone else was busy panicking and Hogwarts was being invaded or some nonsense.

Nobody, not even Tequila, knows how to handle Voldemort’s sudden and very anticlimactic defeat.

Then Tequila recovers and shouts “Weasley is our king!”

Tequila, probably eighteen around this point, is voted the youngest Minister of Magic ever. With Dumbledore dead, Tequila strongarms his way into taking over the Order of the Phoenix, and everything’s coming up Tom Riddle. 

Only then Tom Riddle has that terrible sense of deja vu as the, “What now?” question hovers in his brain. Once again, he has absolutely no answer. Tom is the dog who has caught the car.

Congratulations, Tom.

TL;DR: Without Lee, Tequila would probably end up dealing with the original Voldemort himself/herself. He’s still a mess, he’s learned nothing, and at the end just finds out that actually, he didn’t want to be in power, being in power is stupid.

All he figures out is that he has no idea what he wants.

On the plus side, at least Dumbledore’s dead.

[calliecat93]

At last we are beginning Star Trek: The Next Generation! Whoo~! This will go as it did with the TOS Watchthrough, brief thoughts on each episode and we’ll do a Top 5 Best/Worst at the end of each season. The goal is to do five episodes per day, but we’ll see how that works out. But anyways, here we go:

Encounter at Farpoint: An hour and a half... ho boy. Well along with this running longer than it needed to, the pilot was... okay. It certainly has better effects and certain cinematography than TOS, but that’s the advantage of filmmaking advancing in 20 years. The plot just... has WAY too much going on. We have Q, his test on humanity, Farpoint, and establishing our main cast. It doesn’t help that you can tell that while this is a new incarnation, the staff are sticking with certain TOS aspects with Data clearly filling in Spock’s slot and Picard and Riker going back and forth with Kirk’s spot. I’m told that decreases over time, but it’s still noticeable. As far as the main cast goes, so far they’re fine. Picard’s a bit of a jerk, but we can chalk that up to this being early. Otherwise all the cast is fine... but I can already tell why Wesley is pretty much despised. But of course we have the best part of the episode... BONES IS STILL ALIVE IN THE 24TH CENTURY AND AS GRUMPY AS EVER! WHOO!!! I was SO happy to see him and it still being De portraying him made it even better~! It’s sad though because unless Strange New Worlds feels like bringing him, this is the absolute last time McCoy will appear in a TV-based Star Trek series (his true final appearance in the franchise outside books/comics is Undiscovered Country). Which REALLY sucks since he’s my favorite and I just want to see more of him, but at least he got a lovely sendoff... better than what Kirk’s is gonna be when we reach the films. Anyways, the pilot is just okay, but it IS a pilot. We know to goes uphill eventually. I’ve seen worst starts. 3/5.

The Naked Now: AKA, The Naked Time 2.0. This is a blatant rehash of that episode with it even brought up in this one. While this can be viewed as lazy, redoing an episode with a new cast CAN work especially this one where the illness erases one’s inhibitions and provoking chaos. Maybe a bit too early but this WAS also early in TOS’ run. So the episode was... meh. It wasn’t as entertaining as TOS’ episode not as insightful since in TOS that was the first time we saw Spock’s logic break. I liked some of it like Geordi’s feelings about his sight, Data while under the influence was amusing, and the original cure didn’t work, meaning they don’t get an easy out. The biggest issues here are following the original episode too closely and Wesley. Yeah, I can already see exactly why he is disliked. I mean the ship was saved by an annoying child who has zero training or authority over the adult characters AND gets praise for it despite a good chunk of the conflict being HIS fault, mind alterations or not. That is just plain stupid especially since in TOS they handled the issue pretty well from what I remember with the trained adults handling it like trained adults. Also not a fan of how Yar was essentially sexualized while under the influence and the implication of her and Data getting... intimate leaves me uncertain on how I feel. I guess it was supposed to be like Chapel confessing to Spock while she was influenced, but Spock not only rejected it but she didn’t get sexualized. The Naked Time was one of my favorite TOS episodes based on the concept and fun bits like Sulu fencing and Spock’s breakdown. It made me like the characters and was the episode that got me to give TOS a chance. This one, unfortunately, couldn’t pull it off. 2/5.

Code of Honor: Bad. It was racist and bad. I am not discussing it any further cause frankly I don’t want to. TOS I’ve given some pass to for it’s content because the 60’s were a different time and just including PoC was risky for the show. This was in the late 80’s and has no excuses. 0/5. Moving on.

The Last Outpost: Ah, so these are the Ferengi. Not the most intimidating, but I like their appearance. Clearly TNG has a better makeup budget than TOS did for more alien-like appearances. A species interested in mainly profit, don’t think we’ve seen that up to this point. So they’re like businessmen, cool! But yeah they’re pretty pathetic. But others like the Romunals didn’t get the greatest start, so we’ll see how things go over time. The episode was... okay. Nothing bad aside from some awkward bits and the Fergengi’s treatment of Yar was... uncomfortable. Again, this version doesn’t get the ‘that’s what it was like at the time’ excuse. Otherwise nothing great, nothing horrible, it’s just... there with the introduction of a new species being the most I can say about it. 2/5.

Well didn’t make it to five, but tbf the pilot was double length so it may as well be. Well... it’s not perfect, but I know that S1 didn’t exactly have the best start. But I ain’t skipping it either to get to the good stuff. So far it’s been meh, but not unwatchable, the third episode aside. I like the cast at the very least and want to see more of them, which that’s how I felt when I began TOS so that’s a good sign!

[undertaleowl]

How would the UT and UF skelebros react if they were outside with their brother when all the sudden they get hit in the back with a water balloon getting soaked. When they turn around to see who did it they see their S/o and the kid on the ground howling with laughter, their S/o still holding another water balloon in their hand.

By kid, I assume you mean Frisk. If that’s not what you meant, then send this ask again, and I’ll redo it. Thanks for the ask, anon! Underneath the cut.

UF Papyrus

Papyrus felt the back of his armor slightly cling to his bones from the water projectile. He turned and raised a bone brow at you, a slight smirk on his face. While there was a slight possibility that he was amused by Frisk’s unabashed laughter and your mischievous joy, he was even more amused that you two seriously seemed to think that you both could get the drop on him. While it may have been a little bit humiliating to have his back outlined in such a way with water, even he knew that sometimes, to win a war, you had to lose a battle.

“OH MY, I SEEM TO HAVE BEEN BESTED BY THE LOWLY HUMANS,” he said melodramatically, holding up the back of his hand to his forehead in dramatic defeat. Frisk giggled, obviously pleased that the water balloon attack had gone so well, but your eyes narrowed suspiciously. You had been with Edge for a while, and he never declared his own defeat before. Edge turned back around and walked away, so you and Frisk went back the opposite direction, after you had voiced your apprehension to Frisk.

Unfortunately, that had been your undoing. A stream of water hit you in the side of the head, and you yelped at the sudden stream of cold water. That, apparently had been the cue for all the rest of the Royal Guard to snatch you and Frisk up in a hanging net trap, hanging from a tree branch. Red, your smug future brother-in-law, sat next to the trap with a giant cooler of ice water. You glared up at him.

“Sans, don’t you da-”

Edge had bribed his brother with a full week of no nagging, whether it was about Red’s laziness, his cleanliness habits, or anything else. Red would had to have been a complete numbskull to not take up that offer. Red tilted the cooler, spilling the water on top of you and Frisk. Frisk laughed, graciously accepting defeat, but you were way more bitter about the entire thing. In frustration, you chucked the spare water balloon at Red, smirking when it made contact right in the abdomen. Red, in retaliation, stripped his soaking shirt, balled it up tightly, and tossed it right back at your face.

Meanwhile, Edge watched this on his laptop from the surveillance camera he had installed in the comfort of your shared living room. He knew that with summer, came your feeble attempts at water warfare. This summer, he would be prepared.

UF Sans

“What the actual fuck?” he had wanted to scream. Look, summer days meant summer naps when he wasn’t working, and what wasn’t he doing right now? Taking a damn summer nap. If it weren’t for the kid laughing so hard that they couldn’t stand up, he would have definitely taken you into the house to have a…private chat, which may or may not mean actual talking. Though your cute smile, the light in your eyes that seemed to be as bright as your soul, the way your swimsuit hugged your body just right…maybe he could forgive you just this once.

He had told Toriel you and he would watch the squirt for the day while she went to a summer monster pampering getaway thingy. You’d been invited to go as an honorary monster, but you had politely declined. Instead, you and Frisk had been playing with the sprinkler in the front yard, and he was “supervising” from a lounge chair with a pair of aviators on so that you wouldn’t notice him sleeping.

“I’m sorry, did we wake you?” you cooed as innocently as you could manage. He felt his amused smirk form into something more devious. Never mind, no forgiveness.

“ ‘A course not. Just surprised me is all,” he lied, holding out his hand to you in a “romantic gesture”. Holding the water balloon behind your back with one hand, you reached out and took his hand with the other. You two stood there in a stance of mutual affection before he yanked you forward. Before you could even recognize your opportunity, Sans snatched the water balloon from behind you and popped it right over your head. He snickered as you squealed and pulled away from him.

“Thas’ what you get for tryin’ to get the drop on me, Sexy Legs,” he said while Frisk practically suffocated in the background with laughter. 

UT Papyrus

Papyrus grinned as he feels the water drip down from his collar bone. At last! A worthy summer challenge to overcome, because he is the Great Papyrus! He knelt down to a giggling Frisk, who looks incredibly proud of themselves for actually getting a hit on the taller skeleton.

“That was a good hit, Frisk! Your projectile and force were a great combination for an attack,” he congratulated, pride evident in his voice. Frisk’s chin tilted upwards, evidently pleased with themselves for besting him.

“We’ve been working on their throw all afternoon. Soon enough, they’ll be able to maybe try training with you,” you chirped warmly, ruffling their hair. Papyrus brightened even more. He LOVED summer. He got to hang out with his friend Frisk as much as he wanted and your work hours were much more relaxed, so he got to see you so much more often!

“Well, it is because they had a good teacher,” Papyrus said, stepping closer to you. You laughed.

“And you and Undyne helped train me, so what does that say about you?”

“The three of us are all excellent examples of great physical health and Royal Guard readiness,” he replied automatically, stepping even closer to you. “I am constantly impressed by you, darling.” You two were practically face-to-face now. Well, face-to-chest, since you were, naturally, smaller than he was.

In the span of a second, many things happened all at once. A stream of water shot down into your face, a water balloon had exploded against the portion of his vertebrae right below his skull, and both of you had become more soaked than you had originally planned. Brushing your hair out of your eyes and Papyrus trying to unstick his scarf from his spine, you tried to make sense of what had just happened. Frisk, at this point, was laughing so hard that they had curled into a fetal position on the sidewalk. Finally, you looked at your boyfriend and saw that he had emptied an entire super soaker into your face, and the balloon you had been hiding was now all over Papyrus’s collar bone in little fragments.

You two leaned in and kissed, laughing, Frisk making a gagging sound in the back of their throat in the background. 

UT Sans

Now Sans knew that a pool party meant that he was bound to get wet, even if he himself didn’t get in the pool. Undyne had rented out the neighborhood pool for the entire day as a celebration for her and Alphys’ anniversary. He lounged on the side underneath an umbrella, getting used to the random splashes of water that came his way. So far, the water had licked him, but he hadn’t gotten hit with massive tidal wave or anything like that. Everything was okay. Even if he was too lazy to actually participate in the fun, that didn’t mean he couldn’t enjoy the fun as the sounds of happiness and freedom lulled him to sleep.

It only felt like mere seconds until he felt an explosion of wet against the his chest, and he flinched at the feeling of cold water dripping slowly from rib to rib. He lifted his red soul-shaped sunglasses incredulously and looked around. He just saw Frisk, laughing at him with their hands on their hips. Looks like they had been taking lessons from Papyrus again. He used his gravity magic to pull Frisk to him, and he gave them a well-deserved noogie with a teasing smile. Frisk giggled louder and tried their hardest to get away.

He thought their trick was over, but then he felt a rush of water travel down his head, and now Frisk was full-on cackling. He finally took off his sunglasses and looked up to see your face, smirking down at him, cruelly mischievous.

“Wet’s not be hasty, guys, I didn’t do anything,” he protested lazily, fighting off the blush that was trying to work its way on to his cheekbones.

You kissed the top of his skull in response. “Water we supposed to do? Let you ignore us?”

Sans chuckled, a plan already forming in the back of his mind. He stood up and kissed you quickly on the cheek and and ruffled the kid’s hair.

You and Sans enjoyed the rest of the pool trip, but eventually you two had to leave, and Sans short-cutted the two of you back home. While you went upstairs to undress and take a shower to wash away the chlorine, Sans made a quick trip to the water heater downstairs.

When he heard your shrieks about the water’s cold temperatures, he short-cutted into the bathroom.

“Payback’s a bitch,” he said nonchalantly before short-cutting back to his place on the couch. You yelled something at him, but he ignored you and laid down on the couch to take a real nap.

[mstrangebird]

2020 (part 1, maybe/end alrd)

(tw: mentioned of death/anxiety)

As time goes by, as per today, 2020 about to end (or when I post this is no longer 2020), I don’t have much to say what I have learned.

It’s not everyone’s favorite year. It’s absolutely not mine.

Things been out of my hands and to reach those, I need a higher ladder. Unfortunately, I don’t have one and I don’t try to find.

Last year, I learned about how isolating myself could make me feel better because I can focus for my own sake and not bothered by other people’s feelings and business. But this year, it doesn’t anymore.

I sink down deep and deeper. And worse, it’s getting too hard to tell people. I’ve opened up to some, but because of that it just added to the pain.

It excited me at few first try of isolation. But then, it’s dulled nowadays.

Every time I’m on it, I feel way more anxious. I turn off my phone and unfortunately, I depend on it to know what time is it. And not knowing the time is suddenly such a big deal. I was fine with that, but not anymore.

I become more worried on what is happening out there when I’m not around. I used to be fine with not checking twitter or not knowing the news for like a week, but now it’s not. That’s why even I don’t interact with anyone I keep appearing on that site.

Coming out of the isolation doesn’t make excited anymore. Coming back to the life I’m supposed to live, coming back to the responsibility that should be done, coming back to friends I used to have good dynamic with, coming back to the k-pop boys that used to give me joys, coming back to the routine or even grocery shopping that I used to enjoy. Those and maybe some others don’t give me sparks anymore.

I don’t feel refreshed anymore.

I’m afraid that I might take things up higher than I’m now at. I try and try and try to find a very small thing to make spark every single day, but that’s just too much works.

Is life supposed to be this dulled? Is life supposed to be this empty?

They say find a reason to make you want to live, but even trying to make parents happy doesn’t give me efforts to continue. I always want to die first, anyway.

I don’t know how I would end, none of us know, but I still have this tiny hope that I would get out of this hole, to finally get a rope or ladder to get me out of here.

I always want to die. I mean every word. And I’ve researched the easiest and not so painful way is to get overdosed. Yeah, I want to die but still want the most comforting. I’m a coward like that. But sometimes it hits me that maybe I still want to breathe it’s just I don’t want to be in this hole; that maybe I just want to live a different life.

There are so many ends in my head. And it scares me. I shouldn’t overthink and just live the moment, but I can’t help it.

I came to a professional this year. She said I’m not depressed I just have a perfectionist trait that maybe overpowers me. She said I have higher standards than some people and when it doesn’t reach mine, it gets me frustrated. Just like how my prof changed my thesis and it somehow affected me.

I don’t know what I should feel towards this fact. I’m glad that I’m not depressed, but why do I feel like drowning every damn time?

She said this one particular thing, the thesis, leads me open so many doors of things. She didn’t bluntly say I suffer from anxiety, but she always mentioned anxious, anxious, anxious which make me believe maybe this is it.

Therapy didn’t help me much (or maybe if because I cut it off or maybe I’m not clicked with her). Every night my nightmare comes frequently than before. Fall off the cliff; get stabbed; stumbled on rocks on the ground. I often come back to life every time I just close my eyes and about to pass out. It wakes me in all sudden with heavy breath and rapid heartbeat, once or twice I get choked and almost die.

Every day I try to sort the unnecessary feelings or things that overwhelms out so I could enjoy the current situation more, but it doesn’t make me move anymore. I’m not good at dealing with feelings. It would take me much and long time.

I’m so hopeless, I always think about this.

I shouldn’t, right? I can always get up, wake up, act up, make things better, right?

But no. I don’t want that anymore. It costs me too much energy.

But I should get rid of the negativity so it doesn’t eat me, right?

But no. Thinking about the happy thing could lead me into another pool of despair.

Like, I need to live I still want to see BTOB/DAY6 live. But no. It means I should get up; I should prep myself; I should do my thesis, then graduate; I should look for a job; I should make money; I should save some; I should wait for the day; I should fight for getting the tix; then, I could attend the concert.

And those, I don’t want to anymore.

I’m so tired of living, but the only other choice is to die.

I’m so frustrated why am I like this.

When you read this, maybe you slightly thought I’m just lazy which is correct. That one is what makes my perfectionism comes in a full circle.

My therapist said that it also includes procrastination. Vicious cycle. And to break one is so much work and I don’t want that anymore.

I wish I was born different. But I can’t redo what already happened. I wish I had more power.

Maybe that’s one thing I want in 2021; to have more power over myself.

No, I will not say good luck. At least for now.

[lytahalifax]

XI Questions Tag

(I don’t know why I did that in Roman numerals, I’m obviously in a weird mood :)

I was tagged by @byjillianmaria​ for this. Rules: always post the rules, answer the questions given to you, write 11 questions of your own, tag 11 people. I don’t think I really know 11 people here, or can come up with 11 questions, so I promise NOTHING with regards to following rules. Because I am an iconoclast*, baby! (makes air guitar gestures and noises) *iconoclast (n) = a fancy way to say “lazy”.

Questions:

1.) What’s a line of dialogue that you’re most proud of? Holy cripes, that’s kind of a tough one to answer, having written a bunch, and forgotten even more, in the past four years. I would say it’s easier for me to talk about chapters of things I’m proud of, and in that, I’m particularly proud of a chapter I wrote in my Mass Effect series “Once More Unto The Breach” called “We Who Are About Die”. It’s essentially about the people who initially designed and floated the specs for The Catalyst, and how they came together as one race and expended all their efforts, not in self-preservation, but in giving the galaxy a fighting chance against the Reapers. They knew it might take millions and millions of years for their goal to be achieved, if ever, but they were committed, almost as one, to the notion, choosing to die not screaming and in fear, but as an almost indomitable force that would not be denied, no matter how long it too for their plan to bear fruit. However, there was a line my editor particularly adored that spun off from that whole thread, about “the weight of a billions years of justice, no longer denied”.  My Shepard also had some really nice comedic bits throughout that whole series. OMUTB, as my first real “child”, is the series I made absolutely the most mistakes with, but also am the proudest of to this day. “Near Wild Heaven” from “Black Swan” is another personal favorite, a chapter I was having so much fun writing, I had to force myself to stop. 

2.) Which of your characters would you most like to hang out with? Camilla Davies from Black Swan. I suspect she would understand me and my life experiences the best out of anyone on the planet, would be able to give me savagely effective life advice, and possibly transfer my brain into a cloned female body. In fact, I think I’d probably really enjoy hanging out with her, Reese and Alanna; I always felt they were kind of the Three Musketteers of SOAP. Bledoc Caitor, a one off OC I wrote for Once More Unto The Breach as a shoutout to a longtime reader, would be a distant second because he would probably make me the galaxy’s best bowl of ramen, and I really, really love ramen. 3.) Do you have any goals for the rest of 2017? Survive the oncoming storm of massive life and career changes coming up in the final quarter of 2017, and essentially prepare for some major life retooling I hope to achieve in 2018. Unfortunately, this probably means taking a sabbatical or otherwise semi-retiring from writing, at least for a while.

4.) What season inspires you the most? It’s a toss up between Spring and Autumn. Probably Spring; March/April is usually about the time I come out of my winter doldrums and do a lot of my writing again. 5.) If you could rewrite one part of an already-published work, what would it be? The first 20 chapters of Once More Unto the Breach. Well..maybe not ALL of them, but holy crap, there are some massive technical errors and embarrassing gaffs and continuity glitches I made there. I very nearly gave up on the entire endeavor were it not for the fact that I started working with a real top notch editor who essentially trained me how to be a better ,more effective writer, and it’s clear the final 20 chapters are SO much better as a result. I might also redo “To Bask In Your Starshine”. But maybe not. 6.) Do any of your characters have pets? What kind? Shepard kept coming back to the Normandy, even when she didn’t command it anymore, to collect Space Hamsters from the lower decks. Her oldest daughter has a pet kakliosaur. I imagine Camilla has a couple of cats, because they were the only animals she could really relate to: one of them is a tortie Maine Coon, which she adopted because she liked the coloration, not realizing how diva-esque torties are in their behavior. Reese probably has a fancy tropical fish tank setup he poured way too much time and money into. Nicole has a dog, like a golden retriever or a bulldog or something. A mutt for sure.

7.) What’s your favorite thing to do when you’re feeling uninspired? This is the answer - or at least part of it - that will make people gasp in shock and go, “Lyta! You can’t say things like that!” I have two techniques: one I would recommend, and one I would not. It should be obvious which is which. First, I smoke weed. Not often, not all the time, I’m actually on a bit of a six month break from it. I don’t smoke specifically going in to look for inspiration, I just do it to relax, but I would be lying if I said there weren’t times when inspiration didn’t come and come HARD when I was stoned. At least two of my stories, Old Soul and How Can I Sleep?, are the result of me breaking through serious blocks after toking up. Seriously, I could not figure out how to do Old Soul and almost gave up until I got baked and started watching old 1970s tv commercials, and then it came to me. I’m pretty damn sure that good chunks of the final three chapters of Black Swan came to me while I was toked up as well. Second, and much more often, I go for a lot of walks. Like a lot a lot of walks. I try to walk about 12,000 steps a day at a minimum now, which is probably why I’ve lost 20 pounds since April. But for years, I’ve done this when I can, because I find it can get me into a good “zen headspace”, almost like a walking meditation, where ideas flow easier from out of the great miasma of notions inside my brain. Large chunks of Black Swan chapters 5 through 12 were “flashes of inspiration” that came to me when I got “into the zone” during walking, and made sure to write quick emails to myself on my cell phone, so I wouldn’t forget. I’m pretty sure the same goes for Grande Dame, and definitely so for Bearing Witness to Time. If it weren’t for my walks, I wouldn’t have most of my writing ideas. Indeed, it’s gotten so that if I go down a path I haven’t traveled in a long time, my brain starts to play back memories of writing a particular story, as if the brainstorming somehow became encoded in the local metalayer of that location, and walking through it is like replaying a tape in my mind.

8.) Do you have a go-to writing snack/drink? Beef jerky. Usually of the spicy variety It’s high in protein, tasty, and a provides a viscerally satisfying experience in the eating of. Grrr! Chomp! Chew chew chew. 

There is an awesome jerky shop at Container Park in Las Vegas that I love to stock up at whenever I’m there...unfortunately my supply never lasts. I should probably find out if they do mail order.

9.) Do you have any self-indulgent stories/characters that you’d never publish (or even write down)? Hah! Oh boy.....yeeeeeah. There was this one crack fic I came up with called “The Yurizoku Formula, or GAYBIES!” It was a weird story, in the vein of “Chloe Price’s Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny (which I recently took down for personal reasons) or “Today’s Fish is Trout ala Creme” from OMUTB. If I remember correctly, the long and short of it is Warren accidentally infecting Brooke with a virus that makes her incredibly irresistible to all the women on campus, and she has to deal with their unwanted affections as she tries to get through her day, growing increasingly exasperated and flustered, sorta in the vein of Miyuki-chan in Wonderland. I remember it being much funnier and more clever back then than it obviously is. Sometimes I get ideas and my own personal kinks bleed through a little too much...as an example, the end of “The Domina Effect” in Black Swan was originally written to be a faiiiir bit more “sexy” between Rachel and Victoria, but NQW correctly convinced me to drop it. (As an example of my “kinks”, my first complete work ever written was a lesbian erotica sci-fi mind control story which I called Love is the Drug, which sadly I lost the files to before I could submit it to an appropriate archive. There are actually strong echos of this story in A Power Greater Than My Own...the bit where Victoria, as the domme, finds herself feeling helpless in the face of her so-called submissive at the end, because of how hard she’s fallen in love with her. I) I was also thinking about writing an AU fic in the ME universe called Domination: A Love Story, where the Asari are much more in the mold of Frank Herbert’s “Honored Matres” from the later Dune novels, and a 19 year old Shepard is helpless to watch as her colony ship is essentially taken over by an Asari “diplomatic expedition” who are slowly but inexorably brainwashing everyone over to their way of thinking. Not every Asari agrees with this method of behavior however, prompting a young(er) Liara T’Soni to try and help Shepard get through the horror of that particular situation; in the end, she’s forced to temporarily brainwash Shepard, in order to keep up appearances around the Asari Inquisitors, but eventually “releases” Shepard, so the two of them can run off and join a resistance cell.  Huh...I might actually come back to that one someday... Usually, when I get ideas that are terribly self-indulgent, they tend to not hang around, and then get swept out by whatever part of my brain reclaims needed storage space for better things. I’m sure there are whole stories that I’ve completely forgotten about. 10.) What works inspire you to be a better writer? Oh gleesh. Believe it or not, one of the reasons I tend to avoid reading other peoples work in general, with some exceptions, is that I find it very intimidating and daunting. Like “OMG! This person is so good, how could you even think that you are on the same level with them, you absolute hack? What could you possibly have to offer up to the great Singularity of Human Artistic Expression that someone hasn’t already done, and done WAY WAY better than you? For instance, I’ve specifically avoided watching TransParent on Amazon, because I still have an idea for a TV show about a “transhumanist transwoman” which I call “Swing Out Sister”. I probably will never do it, but I’m afraid that if I watch Jeffrey Tambor’s no doubt AMAZING work, I will give it up forever and ever. That said, the things I am watching right now that just blow me away with their style and panache are Rick and Morty and especially BoJack Horseman; I’m most of the way through BoJack season 4 and holy holy holy shit. Obviously, I am a fan of dark, almost cynical takes on the nature of suffering and the human condition. 11.) Say something nice about your writing! (Not a question, don’t care). What?! No! You can’t make me, you’re not my supervisor! Oh, okay. I will say this: people tell me that I am really good at writing dialogue, and this is the only thing I have ever agreed with. I write good dialogue. Sometimes, I even write great dialogue. Once, I wrote superb dialogue - I suspect. Dialogue and snappy patter is my forte, along with weird, high level ideas that I can never properly fill the details in. I’m good at A to C plotting, but figuring out “B” is where I still need a lot of work. Okay, well, I enjoyed this a lot but I am going to be a Naughty Lyta, and not pass it forward. At least, not for now, but I reserve the right to pick it back up and move it forward at a later date.

[karelounge]

HOW IT ALL BEGAN

July 30th 2019- Hi y’all… My husband has had cancer since December of 2018… It has been a journey in the little time that has passed… He was in remission in April and it came back in May. They had him doing high dosage chemo, and just this week they checked how its doing, and the chemo is not working. We will see what the doctors have to say on Wednesday… On what they want to try next.Since the beginning I have been mourning my husband… since then, It’s been off and on. But it has always been a part of me to prepare for the worst… I would really hate to have to burry him in a few months.. I will really go into shock if it comes to that. He was raised very different than me. My parents were more old school, very involved and a bit over protective, while his parents let him do whatever whenever. I have really tried to get him to adapt a healthier lifestyle… But after trying so hard I have grown to just accept that it’s out of my control. I need to be well mentally and physically to be able to take care of him. I wished my friends would check on me… Instead of how everyone at work just asks how he’s doing… I have been doing fairly well these past couple of days… But it’s definitely been difficult to get where i am today. I am trying to stay strong and self reliant. I wish I wasnt human and didn’t feel the need for wanting someone to check on me or be the shoulder i desperately need. I cannot rely on my husband for this… He is going through too much for me to burden him with my emotions. I want him to focus on the fight… I could keep going forever about this… Thanks for reading.

..

August 5th 2019-

After seeing the Oncologist Wednedsay July 31st, the fight keeps on. We got a new treatment plan that involves chemo pills, IV chemo, and IV chemo injections into the spine. Unfortunately, my husband does experience discomfort from the LPs (lumbar puncture), which will definitely will be a change for him to go through this treatment.

I have high hopes for MD Anderson doing what they said they’ll do and take good care of my husband. Unfortunately, we do live in the United States, and all these hospitals just care to make profit and the insurance companies try to get away with as much as they can. We have been fortunate that the insurance has covered a lot of the cost, and we do have a mountain of medical bills. The struggle and the fight continues.

This has definitely caused my mental health to be a roller-coaster ride and it has thrown my self care off the rails. I am trying to be there as much as possible, as my health is also important to me. I’m hoping that things will improve with my husband’s side effects once treatment is started.

” We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.”

Monday 8/5/19 – This weekend was really tough. When people that say enjoy the days that our loved one with cancer isn’t experiencing the cancer symptoms… Well I finally get it, because the chemo on the first diagnosis was working well and he was his normal self throughout it. While the time that the doctors decided to not do the chemo he was currently on because it wasn’t working, all his cancer symptoms came in… the nausea, the fatigue, plus depression and a roller coaster of emotions, sure makes things fuuuunnn (sarcasm). I got him as much of God’s plant as I could get him. It has been the one thing that makes his face to look as not sad or as nauseous. I am certain things will get better, but having to come to work while my hubby is going to start a new chemo that he is frightened about is definitely a challenge to stay composed at work. I really need to speak to someone that can help me lean on them through these tough times.. I do not want to burden my husband with my problems. Please keep us in your prayers and send us love and good vibes. Funds are tight, so please donate at our gofundme https://www.gofundme.com/f/AAlfaro

Much Love, xoxo Karry

..

August 12th 2019

Weekends are the beginning of a new week for me. The weekends mean so much to me because I am able to spend two full days with the man I have loved for close to 10 years, he is my everything, and he is the love of my life.

Watching him struggle with hospital procedures, body pains, constant fatigue, and now with his sleeping schedule all out of wack, is definitely hurting me more and more each week. I do not know what the future holds, ever since we got the news of the cancer coming back in May 2019. It was devastating. Then after doing 3 rounds of high dosage chemo, and finding out that the chemo was not working. We both broke, and I seem to continue to keep breaking down emotionally.

Anyone would feel crushed and devastated after so many bad news. These news brought the thought of death back in my mind. When my husband was first diagnosed, I had constant panic attacks, and couldn’t stop myself from crying. I am proud of myself for resorting to getting professional help with a therapist and seeing my general doctor about the body pains that the stress and anxiety are doing to me. I have been taking medication for anxiety and depression daily, and a sedative for whenever I get panic attacks.

Now that we are in the path of treatment once more, I am uncertain as to where I fit into this relationship. I have definitely been there for everything my husband has needed, I try to help him stay relaxed and give him advise. But is that all my life will be from now on? Taking care of my husband? I try to take care of myself, but that has gotten far off the rails. I don’t know what to do or where to start. I am a lazy social butterfly. I am definitely chatty, but lack confidence in myself. I get social anxiety when going to new places. I want to continue living my life, but what about my husband? I do not know how to deal or cope with this. Until next time.

xoxo Karry

..

August 20th 2019

First Cancer diagnosis was on Dec. 12, 2018 (250 days ago from today). Second Diagnosis was on May 31, 2019 (80 days ago).

It seems like it was yesterday that my husband was in ICU, that he was in remission, that he was his happy self making useless jokes that only made him laugh. On July 31, 2019, we saw the doctor for the new treatment plan. My husband said something along the lines of.. If God decide’s its his time, he will be all around us, because we’re all made out of energy and energy is recycled in the universe… something like that. When I first heard him talk about death like it’s nothing, it broke me inside.. I’ve never thought of my life without him in it… but what if that does happen. This whole experience has been traumatizing. My jaw is always clenched, my teeth are constantly chattering, my hands shake, and I am emotionally numb. I hate to give into the thoughts of death, but they are normal. I have always tried to prepare for the worst case scenario in everything in my life, but nothing could of prepared me for this. My husband’s current diagnosis is Central Nervous System Lymphoma, the statistics that can be found on the internet in regards to this cancer are very grim. My cancer support group that has plenty of survivors, tell me to not think too much on those numbers, some were given a couple of months to live and they have lived years since then. I hope that God can bless my husband with plenty more birthdays, and in the case that my prayers don’t get answered he will always live in my heart, in the hearts and memories of all the lives he has touched.

These past few weeks the treatment has made him extremely weak. He has lost his balance after so many LPs (Lumbar Punctures), plus the medications that he is on make him extremely fatigued and this has caused his legs to get weaker where he cannot get up, sit up, or walk without assistance. I pray that he never falls. We are all here for him for anything that he might need, and we are extremely proud of his strength and motivation, even though there are those bad days where I have to kind of nudge him to take his medications. For pains, or headaches he keeps wanting to treat it with marijuana or caffeine instead of taking his medicines. On top of all this, his left eye is pretty much gone. He can no longer see through it, and last night he was telling me that his right eye was hurting.

Staying hopeful, but I am broken.

xoxo Karry

..

September 20th 2019

A lot happens in a day in the lives of my husband and myself. The final day of radiation is 9/11/19… his niece’s, Haqua’s birthday.

A quick recap of the second diagnosis… Diagnosed on 5/31/19 with CNS lymphoma. First treatment was liquid high dosage chemo, and it was not working. 7/31/19, Second treatment was chemo pills with LPs and some liquid chemo. I believe on 8/26/19 he was admitted to start radiation.

Since he was on the chemo pills he became disabled and could no longer see out of his left eye. Once his oncologist saw the cancer claim his eye and starting to take away his mobility, he wanted to start on radiation right away. He was admitted for about 5 days to start his daily radiation treatment. After he was discharged, the doctor assigned physical therapy for my husband twice a week or so… In just a week of the radiation and physical therapy he has completely turned around. It’s still a struggle to bend down for him, but other than that he is able to see a little bit through the bad eye, can walk faster than before, get dressed, and shower without assistance. MD Anderson has made a miracle with my husband’s case. The radiation has completely turned things around. He will get a 2-3 week break before redoing the scans and imaging. I am sure that after the doctors get the imaging they will reevaluate and see what steps we will take on.

Keep us in your prayers. xoxo, Karry

..

October 8th 2019

Starting Oct. 15 the husband is going to go back to the hospital to do imaging and test to see how the cancer situation is.

In that time, I have noticed that we keep ending each month in the negative (financial wise). I am trying all kinds of things to have as side hustles to maintain us afloat, but it doesn’t seem to be in the cards yet. I am definitely falling into some dark time, but what can I do? This shit is out of my control, but I can always do my best with what I got.

In a more personal note, my relationship with my husband has not been well for a couple of years now. We do enjoy each other’s company, but that is it. I have voiced to him my concerns and what my needs were in the relationship over the years, he would agree and change for a brief amount of time and then return to being content. I let this continue for weeks, months, and years. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, but we were no longer on the same page. Love, passion, and chemistry all abandoned our home. Like any other human being, I thought it was all my fault because I am the only person I can control. The summer of 2018 I started working out, eating healthier, and trying to grow and become a better person for us. I took on a second job and side hustles so that we can have more disposable income for us to enjoy life. When his health started to decline that fall/winter it was a very difficult and traumatizing time for us both. Seeing him multiple times at the brink of death from then to now has made me mourn my husband one too many times. I have done everything in my power to take care of him and make him happy, as I would expect him to do for me if I was in his shoes. But after years of constant disappointments, constant emotional and physical drain, of trying to rebuild this relationship on my own; I have thrown in the towel. He is and always will be in my heart. He is and always will be my best friend. He is and always will be my family.

People will judge me, but they haven’t walked a mile in my shoes. People will call me selfish, but they haven’t experienced what I have been through. If I don’t take care of myself, who will? It’s okay to do nothing. It’s okay to speak up. It’s okay to let go. I have been hiding this for too long. I have been pretending to be okay for too long… After I finished my therapy with AbleTo, I have been on a path of living my truth. The people that know me very well know that they can tell my mood or feeling just by looking at my face. Life is too short to live a lie, to live unhappy, to not be heard. I will continue to live my truth, I am proud of my battle scars and my self; nothing and no one will change that.

xoxo Karry

[eternally-embarassed-blog]

Episode 1

It’s my birthday! I’m twenty now. A quarter of a century, as I’ve been proudly saying. Most people have been asking me how it feels to be twenty five, and it feels good! I never thought I would live this long, to be honest.

When I was a kid I was, in a way, content where life was- especially during my high school years. Life was good, my parents were starting to be nice to me, and I was actually starting to have experiences that kids my age were having. I still did some pretty stupid shit, but I knew what I was doing wasn’t smart, but for the first time life was pretty awesome for me.

The thing is, I was really scared of the future (Ironic I know- every 16 year old worries about the future) but I was worried because after a lifetime of abuse up until recent history, my parents were making up for lost time of my childhood, and that was absolutely wonderful, but I didn’t exactly have enough time to make up for an entire childhood lost, and prepare for adulthood.

Adulthood scared me more than anything (Still does, and I’m just now getting to the point where I feel like my wife and I are hovering between stable and semi-stable) and I wasn’t getting the knowledge I needed from my parents that I desperately needed to succeed.

Now, 7 years after graduating high school (holy hell is that a story in and of itself) I find myself a much more mature, grown and successful person than I ever imagined I could be. I guess the true feeling of being twenty five is incredibly empowering. All week I’ve felt like the universe has been giving me an opportunity to set myself on the right course, and I’ve been trying my hardest to beat back the anxiety and do what I can to put myself on that path.

Unfortunately, I’ve been stricken with a truly terrible sinus infection for the last seven days and It’s made it incredibly hard to do anything, much less put myself on the success train. Maybe I just smoke too much, or maybe the sinus infection is also a sign from the universe. A metaphor if you will, for a few things.

Exactly a month prior to the first symptoms of my current sinus infection, I had recovered from a similar, though less severe sinus infection. After getting this horribly sick I decided that maybe it was really time to take a serious look at my physical health, instead of obsessing over my mental.

I looked back and tracked my last few colds and sinus infections and found there was actually a pattern correlating between my stress levels at work, and the time between my illnesses. It started about 8 months ago, so for the last 8 months I’ve been living with a chronic sinus infection that’s been getting worse and worse as my stress levels fluctuate so rapidly.

This comes straight off the heals of two solid weeks of moderate dieting and extremely consistent exercise. I had honestly thought that I was starting to become addicted to exercise and I was actually starting to get comments from my co workers. It kills me that I might be losing any potential progress, but I definetly think this is a wake up call, and I need to look deeper into my health before excessive exercise.

The second lesson I believe I am suppose to take away from this misery week, is to start one small step at a time. Going into this week I had grandiose plans of redoing my resume and immediately beginning the job search, and the week would culminate in my birthday! A fine plan, if I say so myself, but as soon as I woke up the first morning I realized I was far in over my head. Not only was a drastically under prepared, but I was also far more sick than I had initially realized. For the first three days of this week I couldn’t do much but moan and groan and try to read as much as I could and sleep as much as I could. The pressure in my head was un believable and indescribable. After a couple more days I was able to look at a computer screen, and decided that if I couldn’t make progress with my exercise, I would try to make progress in other ways before my inevitable return to work.

After being inspired by my wife’s success and social media, I decided to take the plunge and fight my own anxieties along with her, and start the social media outlets I’d always dreamed of having for myself! It really helps knowing that my wife’s moderate success has actually given her a support network, and her growth means that we need to get things to improve her content quality- things that I myself will have access to and be helping with. I get to learn, have quality content too! Yay!

I’ve finally over the last year and a half or so acquired the various things I need to start dipping my toes into the hobbies I’m interested in, and it’s incredibly exciting. It was truly exhilarating for me to take the time to create a quality edit, and capture a moment as perfectly as I could. Doing things this way is allowing me to go through life with a completely different point of view, and I’m seeing things in a way I never imagined.

Today after getting a wild hair up my ass, my girlfriend and I spent a few hours cleaning, organizing and rearranging our room/office space and putting it together in such a way that it works perfectly for both of us to help each other create content! I feel so proud of us for working together so seamlessly, and I even took apart an old ratty couch I’d promised her a year ago (yikes) that I would take apart and throw away.

I’d been putting that off for literally a year, and I couldn’t explain the lazy anxiety that gripped me, but it was so freeing to just do that and know that when all was said and done, there would be more room, and I would finally be more comfortable. I would finally have a desk to sit at, and we would finally have a table to eat dinner at. No more eating dinner in bed! No more constant crumbs making my ass cheeks itch!

It’s awful! We have so many irritate bumps on our asses and legs and hips from damn food crumbs, and I’m just so sick of it! We had such a beautiful dinner together after we put the finishing touches on our desk set up. It felt so good to be successful with her again, for the first time in far too long.

I also just feel so abundantly creative after accomplishing that, and I can’t wait to actually start putting my content together! I’m moderately frustrated (mostly because I’m sick) but the internet is acting up and I wanted to spend the last hour or so getting some photos from my phone onto the computer so I could start setting up some web pages- instead I’m here!

Which arguably is a good thing, I’ve had fun writing this. Even if no one reads it, or after a time if I can a following and someone becomes curious enough to track this down and read it, I had fun writing with it and talking to no one, even if that no one felt like an old comforting friend.

It’s time to go take a shower and wash off all the dirt and gunk and stuff that accumulated all over me during this whole process. I’m thrilled that I was able to get so many of my thoughts down in a single sitting, and that they are so cohesive. Either that or I’m just too high to realize I’m rambling needlessly hehe.

I’m gonna go take a shower and then keep putting my ‘battle station’ together. It’s making my heart sing with joy, honestly.

[alltheworldsaroulette]

News Archives from ComicFury

These are old updates that are still on my old website, which will likely remain up.  I may also use the old site as a backup for my posts in case anything happens to the main website.  As you will see if you read these, I had a pretty rough start and re-wrote the comic at least twice.  This time I plan to see it through, but these show how rocky my progress was at first.  So here we go, in order from oldest to newest:

What’s to come?

25th Nov 2014, 10:08 PM

"Gee, Starr!  That's a nice cover you got there, but what the heck is the actual comic going to look like??"

I'm still debating on the exact coloring style, but I can tell you it will be MUCH simpler than the covers are.  I don't have the energy or time to fully color every single page like that, but I promise to make it look nice, and even give my viewers a say.  Keep an eye out for a post on my dA asking your opinions on which coloring style I should use for this comic.  Actually, I'm just gonna do this:

Here's what I'm thinking about doing.  And just any type of feedback is GREATLY appreciated, especially for a starting comic artist like me.

I'm going to try to get on a natural schedule for myself, but I can't promise anything right now.  I hope you'll put up with my possible inconsistancy pffffff.

Thanks for stopping by, and have a good one!

Til next time,

Starr Myers*

We’re off to a good start!

14th Dec 2014, 5:02 PM

And I have SO MUCH planned for this comic.  I think I'm over-doing myself, but man am I excited.  To give a basic idea of how I'm going to be organizing everything in the future, there will be three books, each with two arcs with parallel points of view from the same two characters: Julie and Eileen.  Each arc will have however many chapters it takes to finish it, and who knows how long each chapter will be.  Though, I can tell you now that (Arc 1) chapter 1 will be very long while chapter 2 will be very short.  That's about it for now!  ENJOY MY SLOW-ISH UPDATES HAHA! <3

~Starr Myers*

Hiatus

14th Feb 2015, 12:07 AM

I know it's a little early for any of that, but I'm running slow on updates, and it's embarrassing.

If you haven't read the comment under my most recent page, I will in fact be putting this comic on a hiatus for awhile.  But, never fear!  I will be working my arse off to get tons and tons of pages drawn and colored and ready for the internet!  I will just be holding off on posting them for quite awhile until I have enough to set up my not-so-long dreamt of schedule of twice per week.  This un-hiatusing will likely not occur until I am good and settled in my new home.  I have several months of school left to get through before I graduate, and then it's off to Arkansas!  However, I may lack internet for awhile once I am moved.  So, once that is up and ready and delicious, I promise to start posting as soon as possible again.

I really hope anyone who comes across this comic will put it on their back burner or something for later because I do plan to return with so much more development on it and a better grip on the scheduling and what not.  Also, since I'm an indecisive little cat-girl, I am currently considering scratching my previously mentioned idea of splitting the comic into two points of view, and just sticking with Julie's ALREADY SUPER LONG (as planned) point of view, leaving room for some shorter side stories.  I'm pretty scared as it is taking on this kind of commitment, and I don't want to get burnt out!

Not to worry guys.  I'll still be on deviantART everyday to update more often on my ideas and art and everything else.  You will likely get a warning there, and possibly here, shortly before I move.  And as for Julie and her new alien target, they will see you all soon enough.

Bye for now! <3

Temporary Hiatus Drop

23rd Jun 2015, 7:12 PM

I am breaking my hiatus for the next 8 pages in order to give some more content for a contest I'm entering JR in.  So, until page 18, the hiatus is broken!  Huzzah! :3

HERE is the contest, if anyone else is interested in entering.

Re-planning and re-drawing

30th Sep 2015, 12:09 PM

I took a look back at my original script and realized that a lot went unexplained in the actual comic as well as some things later being rather juvenile-sounding and even badly written.  The comic was too blocky with the 4-part plan thing going on (I plan WAY ahead).  Now I'm going to mix things up a bit to give it a more natrually flowing structure, a deeper story, and actual exposition.

Beginning with CHAPTER 0, the entire comic will be re-drawn (which isn't much since I'm only at 20 pages).

To be frank, I haven't had the motivation to get any further than that, which was really my fault.  I was too busy writing random roleplays that had nothing to do with the canon story and otherwise being lazy.  I'm still going to be lazy, but I have more confidence in the story now and much better writing skills that I picked up from some admirable sources.  So far, hiatus isn't the best thing for me (though in a way, it was to give me time to fart around and finally come to the conclusion that the story needed to be modified), but I'm not quite sure what I'll do for uploads.  I'm thinking I'll ditch the schedule for now, and just upload based on bulk.  5-10 pages per update: how does that sound? =3 That way I can still work at my own pace and have little minestones to motivate me.

So, I guess I will see you in 5 pages, since ch. 0 is already written and ready to be drawn. <3

Refreshing

8th Aug 2016, 8:09 PM

Okay!  So... I haven't updated in almost a year and I feel TERRIBLE about that.  I don't even know what happened.  There was an OCT and moving boxes and visiting family and just... so much stuff, as well as a major artist's block and lack of motivation (which is what originally caused me to stop working on the comic).

A quick update: I am changing the font in all the current pages to Steel City Comic, which can be found at 1001Fonts.com, and it's free for commercial use.  I changed it because the previous font, Comic Book, was not, and I want to be precautious in case I ever do make money off my art. I'm also snipping out the scene that page 5 transitions to (with Boss and the Chief alone in his office) because I found it took the focus away from the first scene too quickly and may have confused the narrative.  I decided to go ahead and do this since I'm still so early in the drawing process.  I can afford to redo one more page.

Also, one good thing that has happened since I "left" (I never really left, I just wasn't drawing comics): My YouTube channel is finally active and I have a schedule and plans and such.  I unfortunately do not have a schedule set for the comic updates yet because I don't know if I can do five pages a week yet, and one page per week sounds agonizingly slow for the viewers.  So I'm sticking to uploading whenever I finish a five-page bulk, but the difference this time is that I am integrating the work into my schedule.  I will upload videos every Thursday, and in between making videos I will draw as much as possible, whether it's the comic or personal art or commissions.  This does not mean the bulks will be uploaded every week, it just means I will definitely be working on them every week.  But I am determined to get back on this comic.  It's time to get JR off the ground.

Thanks to anyone who has been watching the comic for being so patient.  I hope it's not too late for you to enjoy the story. =3

[sky-on-blog]

44 questions

If you were given a plane ticket for free right now to Florida, what part would you go to/what would you do? I mean, I’m already in central Florida. So I guess I’d go to the farthest point to make the most of my ticket, which would be like, Miami or Key West. If I were to go to Miami, I’d walk around and see all of the cool art deco stuff, go in gift shops, eat Cuban food. And in Key West, basically the same, but also with key lime pie.

Do you prefer nail polish with sparkles in it, or matte colors? Nail polish is one of the few kinds of makeup that I like sparkly -- even though I never paint my nails.

Are you the kind of person who makes a lot of lists? What kind? Ugh, I am totally that kind of person. It’s annoying. I have a Listography account with a bunch of lists -- places to visit, shows to watch, games to play...I have, like, a problem.

When you get upset, do you prefer to go to friends for support or to be left alone? Do you wallow or do you continue on with life? I feel like I prefer to be alone and wallow in it, but it’s always the worse option and I’m better off distracting myself with friends until I get over it.

Would you rather have the ability to speed up time, freeze time, or go back in time? I think I’d prefer to either freeze time or go back in time. I wouldn’t want to speed things up and miss out on what’s happening, but I’d like the chance to redo some things I’ve done in the past, and freezing time would definitely be helpful. I’d sleep so much, haha...

Have you ever had a teacher you got really close with? Depends on what you mean by “really close.” I’ve added some on Facebook and Instagram, but that’s as close as I’ve gotten.

What are three things you wish you could go back and tell yourself 2 years ago? I feel like nothing I could have told myself two years ago would have much of an impact on my present life, to be honest. Maybe I’d look up things to bet on two years in the past so I could make a lot of money.

Which type of pattern/print is your favorite to wear? I like plaid and stripes, especially gray plaid and black and white stripes.

What chain restaurant (Applebees, Ruby Tuesdays, Outback, etc..) is your favorite? Damn, I am like, drawing a blank -- I never have the money to go out to eat anymore. I really love Don Pablo’s...I might have to go with that, even though I haven’t been there in years now. 

What do you generally use Youtube for (music, specific types of videos)? I don’t really use YouTube at all. I guess if I was looking for a specific type of video, like an interview with someone, or something...which is pretty rare. I don’t have the patience for videos.

In the summer, what type of shoes do you typically wear? Flip flops. I live in Florida, so I wear flip flops all the time anyway, unless I’m like, at work or going somewhere that involves a lot of walking.

Would you rather get a new pair of heels or new running shoes/sneakers? Heels, I guess, since I just recently got new sneakers. But I’d rather get, like...any other kind of new clothing right now. I need basically everything else.

Do you think plastic jewelry is cute or tacky or neither? I guess it depends on what it is. I don’t think the material is what makes it “cute” or “tacky” to me. But I am a fan of the kiddy-looking, brightly-colored jewelry, so.

In the summer, would you rather have ice cream, water ice, or freeze pops? Depending on my mood, either ice cream or water ice. I’m not a big fan of freeze pops. I could go for some water ice right now, though...

Can you actually picture yourself getting married/having kids, or is that something that seems too distant in the future to imagine? I mean, it still seems in the future, but I can picture myself doing it, too.

Have you ever tailgated? Would you want to? Like, just while driving? Sure. I’m prone to like, mild road rage.

What was the last thing to really really frustrate you? Probably Fallout 4. Or my phone. 

Is there some part of your personality that is generally thought of as a negative trait, but that you actually like/don’t mind about yourself? That’s a good question, and I’m having a hard time with an answer. Well, I know that, unfortunately, being seen as a feminist is generally seen as negative for some reason, and I definitely like that about myself. Does that count? I think other than that, the traits I like about myself are pretty standard -- friendliness, openness, sense of humor. Oh -- a lot of people don’t get my sense of humor, but obviously I like it. Maybe that’s one.

When’s the last time you spent time with your cousins? Like, two years ago at my grandmother’s birthday party before I moved to Florida.

What kind of lip balm do you use? Burt’s Bees. I keep losing them, then buying more and finding two extra sticks in the abyss of my purse.

Are you frustrated with anything? I wouldn’t call it “frustration,” but I’m bothered by a headache and neck/upper back pain at the moment. I must have slept on it weird.

Why did you fall for the last person romantically? I just connected with him so well, without even expecting to. It’s hard to explain.

What’s your younger sibling’s name? I don’t have any younger siblings.

Can you speak in a different language conversationally; if so, which language? No, not really. I know a little Spanish, but I don’t know that I’d call myself “conversational.” 

Do you ever fear of falling asleep? No. If anything fear not being able to fall asleep, and then being dead tired the next morning. 

Do you have an idea of what kind of profession you’d like to have? Ugh, I used to. Now I just have a few vague interests. I want to do something in media, but there just isn’t much in Florida, surprisingly. I’d love to write for comedy or anime or something, but it seems like I’d have to basically be in California for that. 

What’s the last thing you had to eat? A protein bar. I should probably eat something else, but I just don’t know what I want.

Would you rather eat all day or exercise all day? Eat all day.

Which countries have you traveled to? Canada, Greece, and Italy.

Which beach would you say is your favorite? I’ve honestly never been to a beach I particularly cared for, ha. I grew up in Delaware and the beaches there are pretty shitty. I’m sure there’s a nice one in Florida somewhere, but I haven’t been to the beach since I’ve been down here.

When’s your birthday? August 28th.

What kind of cookie is your favorite? Peanut butter chocolate chip. Regular chocolate chip is pretty great, too. 

What is it that you really want right now? I really want a decent job that I like. I’m pretty okay with my current job, but I don’t get a lot of hours or money, and it isn’t what I want to do. I wish I had a clearer direction.

Do you write? Sadly no, and I’m an English major. I’m a good writer, I just...am lazy. 

Is there a map hanging in your room? Not in my bedroom, but there is one in the kitchen.

Have you ever gone to see a movie passed 9:00 PM? Yeah. I’ve seen midnight showings before.

Do you ever pick up your house phone? I don’t have a house phone. 

Would you say you’re a nice person? Yeah. I’d say I’m nice to a fault. Well, more like non-confrontational to a fault.

Would you rather hold hands or link arms with your significant other? Hold hands. Seems more intimate.

Have you ever had a churro? Yes! They’re delicious.

Truth be told, are you more into looks or personalities the most? Definitely personalities. It’s rare that I’m attracted to someone based on solely looks.

How is/was your chemistry class in high school? I never had to take a chemistry class in high school. We just had regular science until junior year, and then we could choose a science elective, so I chose biology.

What’s your zodiac sign? Virgo.

Would you rather eat rice or bread? I guess it depends on the type, but I’m gonna go with rice.