#every single day i writhe around with the pain that due to my life choices in the past i currently can not play any instruments

[zincbot]

i've been doing a music exchange with my father and it's been so fun. i've been sending him indie music from the 90s and niche 2000's electronic rock and he's been sending me 60s country folk and like motown stuff

i'm genuinely having the time of my life

[theivorybilledwoodpecker]

I was 15 years old when I first learned about the true impacts of Ireland’s strict abortion laws.

It was 2012 and the 20th anniversary of a landmark Supreme Court case that should have altered Ireland’s legislation around abortion but didn’t.

I remember my mother solemnly explaining the case to me as a documentary aired on TV.

In 1992, a 14-year-old girl informed her parents that she was suicidal due to being pregnant as a result of rape. A family friend in his 40s had been sexually abusing her for two years.

The parents took their daughter to the United Kingdom — where, for decades, Irish women had been forced to travel to access abortions — but informed the Irish police because they wanted to press charges against their daughter’s rapist and believed they might need evidence of the abortion for their case.

The day the family traveled, the Attorney General obtained an injunction preventing them from leaving the country. 

They returned home and thus began a Supreme Court case that eventually ended with a ruling which allowed a threat to the life of a pregnant person to be grounds for abortion. It took over two more decades for legislation on the matter to be introduced.

The girl never accessed an abortion and she suffered a miscarriage shortly after the trial. Her rapist was imprisoned in 2002 for the rape of another teenager.

Between the ages of 15 and 19, before Ireland eventually voted to legalize abortion beyond its previous restrictions, the nation’s oppressive reproductive laws became increasingly obvious to me.

Ireland’s anti-choice laws seemed to seep into the lives of friends and loved ones in the worst possible ways.

When I was 18, a friend told me she was pregnant. She’d been trying to find a way to break up with her controlling boyfriend for months. Now she could be tied to him for life.

The last time I had seen her, he was dragging her by the arm into a taxi because a man who she had spoken to for a matter of seconds offered to buy her a drink at the bar we were in.

As a woman in Ireland, jokingly telling your friends that you’d be on the next boat to England if you found out you were unexpectedly pregnant was common.

Suddenly, the isolating journey that thousands of Irish women were making every year didn’t seem so funny. 

She didn’t know how far along she was, her period had been irregular for years, but she suspected she may already be 11 weeks in.

Her parents were devout Catholics, her boyfriend would never let her end her pregnancy, and making a trip to England was costly and not discreet. 

For days we scrambled for options. Eventually, her cousin in Northern Ireland told her she could order abortion pills online and drive them to her.

On a Thursday evening, while other friends headed out to bars, I held her hand and she writhed in pain on her bathroom floor after taking two pills —mifepristone and misoprostol — possibly after it was already too late to do so.

I can still hear her sobs as I frantically Googled how much blood was too much and whether we could be arrested if we went to a hospital.

This isn't the whole article. There are more stories in it. I think every single forced birther should not only read this, but never sleep a single night without dreaming of themselves in situations like the ones in this article.

[chronicparagon]

Onmyoji AU: The Phoenix from the West, Blessed and Cursed

Disclaimer: This verse is based on the Onmyoji rpg and information I found about North America during the suggested time period and from other AUs. This includes the early encounters with European settlers and the damage of colonialism. Although  I could not find records of Native Americans being in Japan around the earlier eras, other ethnicities have been there.This includes Yasuke, a samurai of African descent from the 16th century. This also touches on Eastern mythology of the phoenix. I thought this would be symbolism of Harmony’s journey of rising from tragedies, if that makes sense. I did my best to combine Eastern and Western Indigenous perspectives and this I will continue to work on it. 

This could be subject to change when more information can be found and this AU is open to suggestions for improvement. Triggers are tagged.

TLDR: A cleric who would not let bad things that happened keep her down. She travels as a healer with the capabilities to bless and invoke divine intervention, which can affect weaker spirits and demons.

It is hard to say where she came from. Most people did not know the past behind the quiet young woman who holds a gift that is both a blessing and a curse. 

Her journey began as an infant brought to the Land of the Rising Sun. 

She was seen as a commodity like her people including her mother. She was born to an Indigenous woman held captive by travelers who bore the skin that was as white as snow and hearts as cold as the bitter winters.  Horrible barbarians indeed with greed driving their twisted scheme. Search for gold and precious resources ravaged the land the native people held sacred. They retaliated against the invaders, but these strangers always seem to come back in greater numbers. They attacked the villages, slaughtered the bravest of warriors including the woman’s husband and the father of her child who came to the world in the darkest hours of the night, just before the dawn. Her name was Mato Ciqana (Little Bear), after her father, Mato.  Though her mother used to call her Ciqana for short. She was not quite like most babies. A quiet infant who was never fussy or rambunctious and many found endearing for this and for her eyes. 

The child’s eyes were not the beautiful dark hues seen by her people, but bright silver, much like the moon. There is a reason to this, but the truth would not be known until later in the child’s life.  It was an early sign of what she would become.

Though originally intended to be a slave, a man took pity on the young mother and her baby and took them in. He later married the mother and took Ciqana as his own child. He gave her the name Harmony. 

The girl lived her early childhood in Europe and she was more rebellious. Most children made fun of her for her darker complexion, which often led the girl to get into fights. She was scolded for this, but that did little to stop her when she or others were targets of harassment. She lived up to her name, as fierce as the grizzly bear when the time came.

It was often discouraged, but Harmony’s mother secretly taught her about her roots. She was taught her tribe’s language including prayers. Though she was deemed lucky to a protected life from what would have been a grim fate, this would not last. Her father served as a protector of missionaries who would travel to Japan. Harmony and her mother went along with them. This is where blood drenched Harmony’s story.  The attack came in the dark of the night when missionaries arrived to Japan. Sinister beings that are not from the mortal realm found fun in reaping the foreign souls. 

Almost everyone perished, almost. 

When the time came to kill the child, Harmony’s ability came to her aid. She came from a line of  wičháša wakȟáŋ and wičháša winyan, holy men and women who healed the people and served the spirits. Though the holy people and healers were chosen by the spirits through dreams and rituals, her first calling came in a dire moment. One of the two demons cast hellish fire on the girl, just to watch her writhe and cry for mercy. Harmony does not remember how it happened. She tearfully said a prayer in her native language, her heart pleading for salvation. Eyes shut tight, she heard the anguished cries of her devilish assailants before they perished by a holy light. They were weaker demons who would fall to holy powers. Harmony remembered the screams, the painful burns of cursed fire searing into her skin, and the tears she shed for her mother. 

It was then that darkness swallowed the world around her. Surely, this would have been the end had it not been the child’s will to live and divine intervention that she invoked. 

As always, light followed darkness. Harmony woke up to the golden morning light, no longer out in the lone road but in the home of a kind old man. He was a doctor who came across the massacre with the girl being the only survivor. Knowing she is alone, he adopted the child despite not knowing where she came from. From there, he gave her a name to help her blend into Japan’s society. 

He called her Mizuki after her gray eyes that shine as bright as the moon. Though she preferred the name Harmony or her birth name, she had no choice but to accept the new name. Though her heart could never be healed after losing her family, she slowly adapted to her new home. Unfortunately, she was badly burned, leaving scars carved into her skin. Ridicule from the village children for her appearance and not having a family incited her old habit of defending herself with violence. 

Harmony had to learn the hard way that she should not resort to fighting as she grew older. The fighting stopped as she grew older, but while she became a gentle young woman, she would not tolerate injustice. She became more withdrawn from other people, often seeking refuge in the forest embracing the village where she practiced the old prayers and honed her skill in healing on animals, granting every one of them a new chance at life.  While she was taught to be a proper lady, Harmony was not denied learning the ways of medicine as she had an interest in it. Her guardian taught her what he knew, and she incorporated it into her healing capabilities as well as holistic healing that her mother taught her.  Harmony would never forget these teachings as it is her way of honoring her people and the spirits who protected her when near the clutches of death. 

The old doctor has plans for Harmony who he insisted to call Mizuki as she neared marrying age. There were several suitors as they heard about the girl with skin kissed by the sun and silver eyes that resemble the moon. She held the reputation of being quiet with a kind heart as an adult, nothing like the wild child who acted out. Though her scars turned most of them away, which made courting difficult. She did not mind being single. No, she was not against marriage and wished to have that someday, but believed she was not ready for it. She took her time, though the rejections for her imperfections often hurt her. It didn’t help when rumors about her being inhuman for her healing which was not deemed as normal for humans. 

The woman’s life would take another turn as tragedy struck once again. Demons attacked the little village. Harmony did what she could to protect her home and guardian. She did not abandon it, just as her ancestors from the west who stood their ground when invaders attacked. 

But there were too many to fend off herself and she fell, seen as dead, but her body was not touched as she laid unconscious in the blood of her fellow villagers. This was due to outside forces intervening in her favor. This was yet another pivotal moment as she would find herself in another world. It was filled with warmth and light. She remembered seeing a proud bird flying above her before it perched before her. It was then that she found that the bird was a phoenix. A powerful voice came from the bird. 

“Fear not, child. I have not come to harm you.” He begins, “I come with a message.  You have seen what you can do. You can heal the wounds of the body. Your heart is strong and yearns heal broken spirits and spare the innocent souls. This all part of your destiny. You are called to become a holy woman, one who holds the gift of healing the body, mind, and spirit. You hold the gift to protect the weak from darkness and cast away evil.” Harmony remembered these words as though it was yesterday. 

“You must go forth and use your skills to heal the sick, protect the weak, and bring light to this dark world. This is the path you will tread. You are like myself. You fell in darkness and cursed flame, but you have risedn again. Just as you will rise again from the ashes where you lay. Go forth and be the light.” 

Go forth and be the light...

 The dream faded with the spirit’s last words. That was when she woke in the ruins of her home. That is when she noticed a new mark on her body. It’s a mark of a bird with wings outstretched on her back. It was the mark of the spirit.   Forced to relive the darkest moment of her life. Alone and surrounded by people who perished in brutal ways.

 To this day, Harmony would not forgive herself for being so weak as she wanted to protect others. How she wept for the people around her. Despite their distrust in her and how they made fun of her as children, her heart remained pure and full of love for others. Harmony did what she could for them, giving the villagers their last rites from what was taught to her on this land and from her mother. She gave her goodbyes to the doctor who raised her, no matter how her heart ached, she knew it must be done, using her knowledge and skills to bless the bloodstained earth and free the souls.  

That was what she did before leaving with what she could salvage. 

From there, the young woman moves on with the spirit’s words on her mind and a new mission: Tend to others in need, embrace healing, and use her abilities to banish evil with the same methods as her ancestors held close to them.  She is blessed to be a holy agent and healer, cursed to live on land that is not her own, which affects the strength of her gift and cursed to have little acceptance for she carries marks of hellish fire. But despite these misfortunes, they did not keep her down. She still lives with kindness and bring healing energy. 

She rose from the ashes of devastation and heartbreak, just like a phoenix.

[yvaquietdays]

People’s Faces

I’m standing in the refrigerated aisle in the Co-op, between the ready to heat steak pies and the cheese, grated and whole. I don’t hold eye contact with a single person while I’m in there, and it’s only on paying at the self service that I’m staring back at myself on a screen above the other screen, and a word flashes; RECORDING. No, I think, please don’t record this. Not me buying cheese and basil (I made pesto). Record me writing, mixing, reading, applying for jobs, even record me writhing in agony last night as the fist of my period pain twisted in and out, and me, literally begging myself for mercy, straddling a spare duvet, two cushions, a hot water bottle and my childhood bear, J rubbing my back and helpless to my suffering. Record that. Record my life.

*

Lockdown happened. Speaking generally, the isolation suited us. I’m an introvert at heart, so I really cherished being alone with the trees and open horizons (we were at my parents when lockdown was enforced). I wrote in my own time, we recorded and tracked the next EP in our own time, I picked wild garlic leaves and de-weeded the garden, all in this window of time we’d been gifted. I read dozens of books, and will read dozens more. I was furloughed, I was looked after, I felt happy, healthy (even when my back went and I fell on the floor like a sack of shite and had to be lowered into the bath like a malnourished whale).

Then I lost my job. I knew it was coming, of course. The coffee shop had to close for a number of reasons, but mainly due to the pandemic and the fact they just couldn’t make it work. So many people have lost so much in this time. The solution isn’t simple.  I thought to myself, rather in the style of ITV’s Vera, Look, pet, you’re good at the coffee job thing. But you’re also really capable at loads of other stuff too, you don’t have to limit yourself. Try something new! This is a door. Open it. So I’ve been applying for jobs in publishers, editorial assistants jobs, working with books, copyright, anything where I can write or read or just be around words for a living. So far, it’s going okay, but I’m optimistic. There must be someone out there that’s quite taken with my wilfully positive CV, even if I am wholly unqualified...

But then some other stuff happened and I became really negative and scared, worried about my future again, worried about the world we were coming to know and normalise. The indecision, the lethargy, the restlessness, the not-knowing-when-to-start, the heavy sighs. Even my skin was showing signs that inside, I was panicking, because:

I don’t know how my life is going to look going forward, and that frightens me.

All of my live work was cancelled, all the groundwork I’d been building up on. The portfolio of work, the earnings that were growing and might have supported me enough after a few years so that I could think about getting a mortgage or having a babaganoush (baba, kiddo, sprog, littl’un, baby).  Gone. When people lament that “2020 was the year that never happened,” I think, yeah, but I’m still losing all my eggs. 

I’m luckier than most. When I really sit and focus on what I have, if my life were a barbecue, I really am the juicy sausage on the grill drizzled in honey and bathing in fat. I have a lot to be thankful for, and that calms me. Even if I am being cooked alive. 

Weird analogy. 

I think a lot of you will empathise with this, because it’s not just the work, or the coffee job, or time that was robbed from me, from all of us, but communication and interaction. Nobody can see my face, nobody can see me smile, and I feel desperate for recognition. I want my old life back. I want the motivation, the optimism, the touring, the being able to shake hands and hug without guilt, and the excitement for making plans with friends, the where shall we go next and being able to answer the question, “When are you guys going to get married, then?” The realisation that I won’t be going back to my life before, has hit me, right between the steak pies and the cheese aisle. Knowing that the year we had planned never happened and not even knowing if we can plan the next has filled me with dread. Because what is life when every small thing we cherish and take for granted every day is removed? When excitement is a luxury, not a common occurrence? Even the jobs we thought we hated, turned out to be the lifeblood behind our choices and decisions. The people that wound us up, the people that smiled at us, the people that knew our names and asked how we were. They were all in one way or another keeping us going, moving us on, passing us forward. 

‘It's hard, we got our heads down and our hackles up Our backs against the wall, I can feel your heart racing...’

It’s not all bad. Writing this down I know that I’m getting caught in that cycle of negative thinking, and I’m freed from it a little. Thank you for bearing with me, and apologies if I’ve made you sad. But people need people. When I feel like I’m losing, I think about the very important people around me, even those who reached out to me during my grief who I hadn’t heard from in years who’d heard of my Nan’s recent passing. I think of their faces and our laughter and memories, and I think, I am lucky. I have a lot to cherish.  So if you’re where I’m at, if you’re worried and scared and sad that you lost something or someone this year, think about those people’s faces. The people who bolster you, hold you up. The folks that remind you that nothing else matters when you have love. When you have a hand to hold, a dog to stroke, and if you’re more of a loner type, a hill to climb, a sea to swim, a stiff breeze to hold yourself against.  We’ll get through it all together.

‘...None of this was written in stone The current's fast but the river moves slow And I can feel things changing Even when I'm weak and I'm breaking I stand weeping at the train station 'Cause I can see your faces I love people's faces.” - People’s Faces by Kae Tempest

x

[alitheamateur]

The Grind- Chapter 22

Warnings: NSFW. Explicit sexual content. Language.

The deep valleyed cut of his abs smashed to my own femininely toned core as he carried me around his waist in meaningful steps toward what I assumed was his bedroom. I loosened my boa constrictor like clasp around his torso, thinking for a moment I may have a heard him choke for a deep breath before we he kicked open the unlatched wooden door. Once we entered the light gray walls of his private room, he turned blindly and my protruding vertebras rolled on the unforgiving drywall beside his dresser. One palm petted my backside over the stretched latex of my black shorts, while its mate balanced him flat to the wall slightly above my head that was swirling erratically with the rhythm of his mouth.

“I have thought about this every damn day for the last year you wasn’t around, Liv. These legs squeezin’ the fuckin’ life outta me…” Colton looked at me with the same fiery fury he exhibited when entering the cage. 

My shirt discarded somewhere on his kitchen floor, and his now being pulled almost angrily over his head by me, allowed our sweating flesh to mingle into a sinful concoction.

“You sure, baby? I swear to God, I wouldn’t rush you into anything,” he politely contested.

“I’m sure, Colt. So, so sure.”

The three words were his vivid green light. I lightly closed my lids as my eyeballs rolled delightfully into the back of my head when I hit the feathery top of his assumingly expensive king size mattress. Strangely, he chose pulling my probably terribly smelling hair from the confines of an elastic hairband as the first item on his current to-do list. I shook like a wet, freshly bathed retriever, trying to beautify my hopeless locks, wanting to appear as sexy as possible for him in our first bedroom reunion. The last remnants of deodorant after our run, and the “vanilla” solid black bikini panties I wore, already miserably crashing that party, however.

Colton didn’t seem to be bothered one bit though, as his sucked raw, red teeth marks along my ribs, suddenly surprised at his meeting with my own tattoo from our break from each other.

A grazing, splendid finger traced the length of the black, sharpened pencil illustration down the side of my body starting due west of my breast. “It suits you,” he whispered through licked lips. “And you suit me.”

He hiked a hand up my southern cheeks, to duck into the waistband of my bottoms, and I slightly eased my weight from the bed to assist him in sliding them off from the back. My running shorts thrown to the side, left me now shivering in only thin underwear. Colton looped thru the leg holes, then looked to me, and tore the material in half right off my trembling body.

“Hope those didn’t cost ya’ too much, baby.”

A whiny moan of pleasure jumped from my chest when I felt strong, manly hands instantly probing the searing entrance between my thighs. Colton’s left hand massaged woefully slow on the space of my hip subtly, while the right painted careful strokes amid my aching lips.

His own hot breaths matched the temperature of my sex when he brought his nose level to it. “Can I kiss you, baby? Here?”

Unable to fathom any display of appropriate behavior at this point, I nearly yelled a scratchy growl of approval, and pulled him by the cold, damp strands of his hair to the midpoint of my gaping legs. The talented darts of his tongue, and teasing pecks of his lips two familiar feelings I never wanted to live without ever again.

“Colton, yes! Damn it..” I hissed through grinding teeth. He was like craving that could never become fulfilled.

“Open your eyes, Liv. I want you to look at me. Watch me make you come.”  He said through gritted teeth. His directions were stern, and darkly delicious in every way. Leaving me no other choice but to do exactly as commanded.

After what seemed like several unsteady, panting fits, Colton kept to his word, and rendered me with a paralyzing release, punctuated with his own smile of pride and perversion.

“That never gets old. I missed your taste, girl.”

“I need you, baby. Right this minute, please. I need to feel you.”

Did you just…beg? You begged like a detoxing fiend. Let’s try and hold on to a shred of dignity here, Liv.

My hands instantly pawed searchingly for the traps of stone that sat like mountains at the base of his neck as he predatorily crawled atop my still writhing body. They were my favorite place to hold onto as I rode him out like a hurricane wave. In an instant, graceful kisses fell down the crook of my neck, and around lobes of my ears, inhaling me, and I heard his precious admittance of love and longing spew like the Trevi fountain.

“I love you, Livvy baby. I don’t know how I ever let myself live without you. Fuck, I would die right here, and I promise I’d die with a smile.” He voiced hissed like the smooth smoke of a wildfire.

Boy, oh boy was he spreading it thick like smooth, buttery cement. I planted my hand over the sensitive skin where my awarded tattoo rest on his arm, savoring the fact that it, along with every other notion from Colton Ritter, meant that he was mine. The man was explicitly, unforgivingly, unashamedly mine. No matter what conniving demons dwelt within the darkest slums of his very being, he belonged to me, and nothing would change that. He wouldn’t allow it, and neither would I.

As we fused and curled into one thrashing mound of flesh and he pushed inside my walls, a tear rolled from the duct of my eye to soak into the comforter beneath my sticky hair. He filled me emotionally, mentally, and so pleasingly physically. His hands weaved deeply into my mane on both sides of my head, as he sank his lips into the fleshy globes on my chest. Feeling his perfect fingers all over my body like this felt like a cherished return. His body was built to destroy any enemies that may arise, and inflict painful chaos. Yet, here he was hovering over me so tenderly as if my body was fragile, fine china. Delicate touches and warm caressing hands molded against all my edges.

Colt bit over the throbbing pulse of my neck, and his paces increased with the cadency of my heart. He closed his eyes every so often, and I smiled at the way his long lashes shadowed onto his cheeks. White noise overtook the room as our words halted, and only breaths and thrusts made us look alive. I shuddered as he looked downward to inspect the way my slit looked hugging his length in entrance, and exit. The more he grunted, and murmured my name, the more I wanted to milk his own release from him, and if he kept grazing my deep walls in that same treasured spot, that’s exactly what would happen. His member felt like steel, sewed into plush velvet.

“Right there, Colton. I’m almost… mhmmm..”

“I love watching what my cock does to you, baby. You look so fuckin’ perfect when that face gets all blushed and soft after I make you come. Kiss me. ” He told me, but proceeded with the very action himself before giving me the chance.

That “blush” on my face is partially from the downright obscene things you so casually say to me, Colton. This Indiana girl needs a minute to process your boorish slang! But you love it, don’t even deny. You’re a scoundrel now, Elliott.

The chaste brush of a singular kiss ended almost as rapidly as its beginning before those predicable curses of orgasm screamed out of him. “Fuck… fuck! Livvy, your body is so… damn it. Every single… damn it. Fuck.”

Shouldn’t that be offensive? Liiiiiiike, I at least deserve a complete sentence of obscenities, Ritter.

I felt as if every particle of energy I had in me exited through the explosive orgasms he so kindly gifted me in our sexual homecoming. My spirit felt bright like the yellow of a daisy, or the perfect pink of a ripe watermelon. It was a revival of spirts that shocked my heart back to life.  

“Do you just challenge yourself to see how many expletives you can shout during sex?” I snickered, rubbing my hand over the tread marks of sweat rolling down his back over my claw marks.

“What can I say? My girl just brings out the best in me.”      

 I slept at his place that night, the open-house tour at my new apartment would have to wait. Almost smothered into the bear-hug embrace of his unbreakable muscles, I slept unmoved all night long. Aside from the drawn-out bathroom break around 3 a.m. that predictably led to him being woken by my blind stumbles in the dark, and needing another dose of his addiction between my legs. I didn’t startle from a deep sleep with hallucinations of his ghostly form sleeping next to me, or wake up and yearn for his warm body next to me under the sheets. I had both of those things. In fullness of reality, in the flesh. No more visions or dreams of fond memories, or nightmares of what could’ve been. We had found that road back to each other, and there were more memories to make.

I awoke, nude, alone in a tangled array of passion-soaked sheets, to the sound of a grinding blender, and an aroma perhaps to be eggs cooking. Checking the mirror briefly for matted, morning eye gunk, I adorned myself in a crumbled t-shirt I found in the arm chair beside his bed, then let my nose follow the scent of my probable waiting breakfast.

As I walked barefoot through the morning lit halls, a tingling yet, enflamed throb pulsed with my steps. It was the familiar ache of a night spent with Colton, and I smiled euphorically, welcoming the sensation.

“There she is! I was about to come wake your lazy ass up. You gotta eat so I can get you home and changed for work. Hope you don’t mind, I texted Ryan from your phone tellin’ him you’d be a little late to work this mornin’. I wanted you to sleep.” Colton turned away from the stovetop, serving up a healthy plate of scrambled egg whites, and two tomato slices.

He was covered only in thin shorts, and apparently a pair of tight-fitting briefs that peeked out around the waistband.  His eyes were a bit puffy, and still glazed from sleep, and again, freshly showered I concluded from the smell of his mountain musk soap. He smell was an unforgettable aroma of home. “Dig in, and I’ll put your protein shake in a cup for you to drink on the way.”

“Colton Ritter. Domesticated. I never thought I’d see the day. Should I buy us matching aprons?” I bit into a piece of the ripe tomato, catching an explosion of juice from running down my chin.

“Domesticated in the kitchen, maybe. The bedroom? Another story.  Isn’t that right you filthy, begging girl?” He sarcastic chided as he stood behind my chair, lifting my knotty hair into a fist, then kissing the back of my now exposed neck.

I recalled then the embarrassing amount of times that I’d whispered “please,” or “don’t stop,” the night before in our torrid exchanges.

“You created this monster, babe.” My head relaxed into his standing body behind me, and I winked up at him, menacingly.

TAGS: @torialeysha @eap1935 @littleluna98 @mollybegger-blog

[sending-the-message]

R is for Romance by MikeyKnutson

It all started at a bar.

That's where I met the woman that changed my life. Typical, right?

Average looking guy in his 20s goes out drinking with his buddies and picks up some strange. Almost every bro-movie and frat party story has been based off of that premise. It's not factual, of course. That doesn't actually happen that way. The fact of the matter is most women don't want to be hit on when they go out. One could go so far as to say they even despise when arrogant men swing their dicks around all night trying to see who can throw theirs the hardest. Have you ever wondered why ladies enjoy going to gay bars? That's why.

Despite the odds being stacked against any breathing object with a penis, hook-ups still do happen on occasion. Maybe the girl is going through a rough break-up and needs a rebound. That woman over there hasn't been fucked in two years and is simply too shy to approach a guy about having casual sex. Another one might just like to fuck as many guys as she wants. She gets bored with the same guy and his same bedroom routine that gives him a false sense of pride. She craves adventure like an Everest climber craves warmth.

I found the latter.

A friend that I hadn't heard from in years shot me a message over social media out of the blue. He asked me to come out with him on the Saturday following New Year's Day. I obliged. We exchanged numbers and that was that. I didn't hear from him for another week and presumed that he had forgotten about me. It didn't seem too far-fetched given that the last time I talked to him we had a different president.

Saturday came and went without a peep. I had all but forgotten our plans until I received a text at 10pm sharp:

Meet you at Riverwood in 20.

Strange. A little vague, but I had nothing else going on and it was Saturday. Why not at least get a few drinks in me?

I responded to the affirmative, threw on a shirt that didn't smell, and drove down the street to the bar.

My friend was waiting outside the bar for me, which was a bit odd given the northeast Ohio weather during that time of year. Most people avoid the outdoors like a divorced aunt with an alcohol problem.

"Chris! What's up, man?" The short, ginger bearded man called as he walked towards me. I could tell that his beard was hiding a newly formed double chin.

"Looking a little heavy there, aren't ya?" I teased, going in for a hug. "Drinks on you? Clearly you've got enough money to spend on food...or is that just desserts?"

We shared a laugh and a couple of hard back pats as we walked inside the bar.

There she was. Stunning. Short brown hair with a few strands of blonde. Light brown skin. Thick thighs you couldn't wrap your hands around. Lips that could show you things you didn't know and eyes that could steal your entire being.

I couldn't help but stare.

"You going to go for it?" My friend brought me out of my trance.

"Oh. No, man. No. I just didn't expect to see that here of all places!"

He got us a round and two doubles to knock back as a kick-off. I felt her watching us. Me.

I spent the entire night at that bar one-handed until my half-full pint glass was gently taken away from me by a slender, tan hand with white acrylics.

"Fuck me."

I coughed. "Excuse me?"

Before me stood that stunning, voluptuous woman who I had my eyes on since we came to the Riverwood. I felt mom's spaghetti coming up.

"Did-did you just ask me to fuck you?" I stammered.

"No," she grinned, "I told you to fuck me."

"Alright." I didn't know what else to say, and I couldn't resist.

I walked over to my friend to let him know I was heading out but as I walked up to the bar he already had a target on the girl behind the bar, so I left.

Cynthia, as I later found out her name, lived above the bar in a spacious wannabe penthouse apartment with a 1970s stepdown from the dining room to the living room.

"There's something about you, you know? Like jus-"

Cynthia put her finger up to my lips.

"I'm not here to talk. I'm here to get my pussy wet, let you inside, and shove you out the door. Understand?"

I nodded. The dominatrix style she was putting off was turning me on, I can't lie.

"The bedroom is over there behind that gray door. Go in, take off your clothes, and get your cock hard. I'll be in in five." She commanded.

The room I went into was immediately off-putting, but not because it was some sex dungeon or full of paintings of Vlad the Impaler. Hell, I would've been more okay with that than what I actually saw. The bedroom, if you can call it that, was painted a pale yellow on every surface. Like Homer Simpson with a stomach virus yellow. There was no furniture. No decor. No clothes. No. Nothing except for a large mattress with a blue sheet laying haphazard in the middle of the floor, and a single Edison lightbulb illuminating the room. I couldn't wrap my mind around why a woman who made such an effort to get a penthouse vibe to her apartment would completely give up on her bedroom. Had it not been for the alcohol I might have hesitated, but that five minutes was going to come up quick.

I undressed, tossed my clothes into a corner and began stroking my dick slowly and firmly. I wanted to be at full attention when she came into the room. If Cynthia just wanted a good fuck, I wasn't about to let her down. Besides, those thick, juicy thighs being wrapped around my waist was something I could only dream about having. I was erect in no time.

Cynthia walked in wearing no clothes, carrying a large mirror. She hung it up in the middle of one of the yellow walls, just low enough so I could see myself laying on the bed.

"Interesting piece, where'd you get it?"

She sighed, "Pine Grove Mall. Nice cock. Lay down."

Cynthia walked over to the bed, got down on her knees and took my entire manhood into her mouth all at once. My eyes rolled back in instant ecstasy. I had been deepthroated before but nothing even close to this good. She kept going and going. The gagging sounds we're almost a bigger turn on than the actual act itself. As I began pondering finishing in her mouth and going again, she pulled back.

"Eat my asshole." She ordered.

"What? Uh. No. No thanks. I'm good." I objected instantly.

"I didn't give you a choice." She got on all fours in front of me. This was my night now. I will admit, she looked incredible bent over like that.

I positioned myself behind her and slid my tongue into her. She moaned loud and deep. She loved it. Knowing that made it more bearable for me. I kept licking up and down, throwing in the occasional perimeter move for good measure. Her body was writhing in a way I've never been able to make a woman move before.

I felt my tongue go inside of her.

I went to pull it out...but it was stuck. I tapped her on the cheek aggressively but Cynthia kept moaning louder and began rubbing her clit.

"Fuck!" She shouted.

At that moment a piercing pain shot through the tip on my tongue. A scream made its way out of my throat but it was stifled by my protruding tongue. Tears rolled down my face as I kept slapping her ass and legs, trying to stop this sick game and free myself.

"Oh god!" She moaned, "I'm so close. Just twenty six seconds. I'm almost there!"

The pain intensified. I couldn't do anything. I started seeing spots and white flashes.

Why the fuck did I do this?

Cynthia's entire body convulsed in one strong movement and I yanked myself away as hard as I could, falling back to the floor. I grabbed my mouth in agony, but I tasted no blood. I check my hands. Nothing.

As I lay there discombobulated, Cynthia walked over to me and bent down.

"Your turn. Go find yourself a nice girl. Have her suck the juice out of your little cock."

I grabbed my clothes. I ran out. I ran to my car. I drove home naked. At that point it didn't matter who saw me or what happened. I needed to be away. Safe.

A couple days later I went and got myself checked for any STDs and explained an abridged account of my night to the doctor. He assured me that my tongue must have just cramped due to nerves and all of the motions. I was willing to live with that.

A couple more weeks went by. My tests all came back negative. That calmed me, but at that point it was the least of my concerns. I hadn't heard from my friend since that night. According to the girl that he was hitting on at the bar, he went home with some "sleek, feminine" guy shortly after I left. He was always the biggest homophobe I knew, so honestly him being in the closet didn't surprise me in the slightest. Even more so than that concern, however, was my sex drive. My dick was constantly getting hard any time I was near an even remotely attractive female. I felt like an eleven year old boy who just discovered that breasts are for more than feeding.

After a few days spent masturbating way too much, I managed to convince the server from Riverwood, Olivia, to come home with me after bar close one night.

Once we worked past the kissing and boring formalities, we both stood in front of each other naked and ready to become partners in sin.

"Suck my dick." I told her.

"Ooh, I like a bossy guy." She squealed a little. "I'll suck it so good, daddy."

Olivia got on her knees and took me into her mouth. She couldn't get it all the way in, but she could take enough to scratch my itch. It was good. Not Cynthia good, but enjoyable. I felt her try to pull her head away as I felt my cum getting ready to burst out, but she couldn't. I could see the fear in her eyes as she looked up at me.

"Twenty six seconds, then it'll be all over."

[inanotherworld5599]

Beautiful

Prompt: Blood, Sweat and Tears and Something More, Sasusaku Month 2017, Day 2 and Day 5

Summary: The moment when Sasuke realises just how beautiful Sakura really is. (Set during the Chunnin Exams after the attack by the Sound genin Team.)

It was only after the entire crowd cleared from the gathering did Sasuke let himself scan Sakura up and down.

She was currently busy telling Naruto to shut up as he relentlessly pestered her on to fill him in on the things that had occurred while the hyperactive ninja had been knocked out.

Naruto was particularly incessant on knowing about Sakura’s sudden change in hair style and it irritated Sasuke to no end. She was clearly injured and yet all the idiot could think about was her hair.

The other teams had left a while back, they’d cleared off fairly quickly with the Hyuuga’s team being the first to leave and after a sharp look from Sasuke’s side the other rookie team had followed suit even though the blonde girl had been reluctant to walk away.

They were scared of him and rightly so because even Sasuke didn’t quite understand what had happened. Being ignorant was something Sasuke wasn’t used to and he’d never admit it out loud but his behaviour had scared him too.

Naruto was blissfully unaware of his predicament and Sakura….

Sakura had been scared too. He’d seen the fear in her eyes when she’d just barely managed to stop him. His sharingan had etched every detail of her expression at that time into his mind.

It had been the shock, the shock of seeing Sakura- Sakura terrified of him that had brought him back from the edge of slipping away entirely.

“Sakura where are you hurt?” Sasuke asked quietly interrupting his teammates conversation. He’d noticed how Sakura had sunk to the ground the minute the Yamanaka girl had left as if she’d been holding herself up just for show.

“Oh I’m fine Sasuke-kun!” She said brightly turning her attention from Naruto with a wide smile,“Don’t worry.”

Sasuke’s eyebrow arched up at her lie. Even though she looked marginally better than when he’d woken up that wasn’t saying much. Her hands were strategically clasped behind her back and one of her eyes had more or less swollen shut due to a large bloody cut above it. She was pale and bloody and if he looked closely he could see that Sakura was still shaking.

“Naruto go get water.” Sasuke ordered picking himself up. Sasuke wasn’t particularly steady on his feet yet and the mark on his shoulder ached sending faint pulses up his neck.

“Sasuke-kun you shouldn’t stand-”

“Sakura shut up.” His voice cut her off abruptly. He didn’t have the time or the energy to deal with Sakura’s uneeded concern for him. Right now she was the priority.

“Teme what do you think you’re doing?” Naruto got up yelling at the Uchiha,“Don’t be so rude to Sakura-chan!”

“Naruto water now.”

Something in Sasuke’s tone must have gotten through to the blonde boy because he abruptly got up with a pout on his face and marched into the forest.

Sasuke silently stalked towards their supplies. From the corner of his eye he could see Sakura struggling to get up. Her arms were now on full display, sporting multiple bloody cuts as if she’d been stabbed by a kunai.

Sasuke flinched despite himself.

He’d figured as much when he’d noticed there was blood all over his shirt which couldn’t have possibly been his considering the stellar job Sakura had done wrapping up all the wounds he’d sustained while fighting against Orochimaru.

The blood must have gotten on his shirt when she’d wrapped her arms around him.

He quickly turned around focusing on getting their medical supplies out as he felt his cheeks heat up at the memory.

His expression darkened quickly enough as he remembered his total loss of control. He was an Uchiha not some toy of a man who had his own ulterior motives. Even if the power offered to him was unbelievably tempting it meant nothing to Sasuke- nothing if he had to see that look of absolute horror in Sakura’s eyes when she’d realised just how close he’d been to truly becoming a monster.

Sakura had always smelt like her namesake, like cherry blossoms and looked at him like she was the single bright star in an otherwise moonless night.

He’d never really cared for either of those attributes until the moment she’d wrapped her arms around him, her expression terrified and desperate.

Stop, she’d begged him, Please just stop.

She had been bloody and had been shaking as she clung onto him. Her arms had anchored him back to himself but for one terrifying moment Sasuke had considered batting her away.

He’d returned to himself the very next second and he’d pushed the dark writhing power inside him as far away from himself as he possibly could.

For at that moment he’d had the choice between the power he’d always wanted, no needed for his revenge and Sakura.

He’d made the decision without even thinking because up until then he’d never truly realised just how much he’d relied on Sakura and her never changing belief in him.

“Sasuke-kun are you alright?” Sakura had managed to make her way next to him, the same forced smile plastered on her face.

Sasuke supressed the urge to snap at her. She was the one who was bloody, bruised and barely standing and yet she was concerned about him.

Why was she so goddamn annoying all the time?

Why was she trying to hide the fact that she was afraid of him?

“Sit.” He ordered.Thankfully she agreed, even if it was probably because she barely had any energy left to stand.

Sasuke followed suit and bent forward to asses the cut above her eye. He had to clean it before it got infectious.

“It’s okay Sasuke-kun.” She reached to take the cloth out of his hand but Sasuke brushed her away.

“Sakura stop being annoying.”

Her hand dropped down and he sighed.

Sasuke sometimes wished he was gentler with her but life hadn’t given him enough chances to be gentle and he’d long forgotten how.

He poured water on the clean cloth so that he could start with wiping her face. He carefully ran the cold cloth down the shallow scrapes on her cheeks to the small bloody cut at the corner of her mouth. She sat there absolutely still as he moved in a little closer to gently clean the cut above her swollen eye.

He brushed her hair out of her eyes as he continued to work. He paused after he was done his eyes flitting towards her dull choppy hair and the blood that stained it.

This was all his fault. If he’d just-

“Sasuke-kun?” Her voice brought him back and realising how he was vacantly staring at her and he pulled back immediately jostling Sakura’s leg in the process which made her cry out loudly in pain.

For some reason Sasuke felt like he’d been stabbed.

“What’s wrong?” He asked his voice tinged with the slightest trace of panic.

“My leg hurts a little.” She conceeded,“ It’s noth-”

“Where?” Sasuke demanded, his voice leaving no room for her to protest.

She stretched her leg out wincing slightly as he inspected it. Her right leg was a bloody mess that she’d purposefully covered with her long dress and the cut a few inches above her knee was worryingly deep.

She’d managed to keep quiet about it the entire time and then had the audacity to worriedly hover around him asking if he was alright.

He barely managed to restrain himself from shouting at her for being careless and just so-so goddamn stupid.

What the hell was she thinking picking a fight with ninjas clearly out of her league? She should have run away screw him and the idiot.

No she shouldn’t have run away instead she should have happily handed Sasuke over to them, after all he’d been what they had wanted. Instead she’d foolishly chosen to protect him all alone against three ninjas who were obviously far stronger than she was.

When had Sakura become so goddamn insufferable?

He forced himself to calm down, the mark on his neck was pulsating dangerously. Getting mad at Sakura would do him little good especially since he very knew it would be pointless.

After all if there was one thing that Kakashi had taught all three of them it was that loyalty to their team came first.

He forced himself to focus on the wound on her leg considering his options. He’d have to use the last of their water and cleaning it would be a painful process so it would be best to keep her distracted while he got to it.

His eyes snapped up to meet hers,“Tell me what happened when I was unconscious.”

The hesitation was clear in Sakura’s eyes and it was justified considering that even Sasuke couldn’t give her the guarantee that if she actually recounted the tale of how those bastards had hurt her that he wouldn’t go on a rampage and actually finish the job.

None the less she started recounting the events that had occurred as he began working.

“Orochimaru disappeared after he bit you. Those marks appeared near your neck and you collapsed.”

He vaguely recalled he’d held her hand as if his life had depended on it until he’d finally lost consciousness. The last thing he remembered was seeing Sakura’s worried face hovering above his and thinking that there were worse ways to die.

“I brought you and Naruto here as quickly as I could.” Sakura continued,“I set up a few traps and-”

She broke off wincing and Sasuke quickly moved his hand cursing himself for not being more careful.

“I’m sorry.” He said quietly,“Go on.”

“Naruto wasn’t hurt, I think he was just put into some sort of deep sleep. Your fever was pretty bad and your breathing was shallow. I-I thought-”

Her voice wavered but she did her best to hide it as she continued,“The sound genin attacked at dawn. Thankfully Lee-san appeared and…..”

His grip on the cloth tightened as she recounted in detail how brave Rock Lee had been while defending her even if he had been defeated in the end. When he heard her say that seeing Lee stand up for her had inspired her to fight the mark on his neck flared dangerously and he had to focus all his energy on it so that he didn’t lose control.

“….. but I got caught in the end and the only way I could escape was to cut my hair. That’s why it looks like such a mess.You probably don’t like it- Ino told me you like girls with long hair but it was the only thing I could think of. I’m sure if you’d been there you’d have easily defeated them Sasuke-kun. I’m sorry that in the end I was still pretty much useless and I wasn’t-”

“Sakura.” He cut her rambling off. He finished tying the cleanest cloth he could find around her leg before looking up at her. She stared back at him absolutely still.

“You did well Sakura.”

Her eyes widened.

“I did?” Her voice was small but the desperation in it was clear. She needed this, needed to be told that she hadn’t been useless, that she hadn’t just been a burden to them.

Sasuke let the smallest of smiles on his face, “Aa.”

For a moment they stayed like that, staring at each other, unbreakable onyx against glassy jade.

And before he could stop it Sakura had already leapt forward wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face into his shoulder.

“I was so scared!” She sobbed,“I thought you were going to die. That I wouldn’t be able to do anything. I was so scared that I’d lose you to that monster. I was so so scared Sasuke-kun!”

She wailed hiccuping and clutching onto Sasuke as tightly as she could and all he could do was stare down at her pale pink hair with his back against the wall.

It was only then, at that moment did Sasuke realise that she wasn’t afraid of him. She was afraid of losing him.

Despite everything, despite the monster he’d become she was still just scaredfor him, not of him.

For the first time in a very long time did Sasuke uncharacteristically find himself wanting to return her affections.

To convince her that he was worth the unwavering belief she had in him.

He raised his hands to hold her closer, to tell her it was alright and that she’d saved him, perhaps for the hundredth time in a way that nobody else could, but the image of those very hands mercilessly breaking the sound genin’ s arms flashed through Sasuke’s head and he quickly dropped them to his sides.

Sakura may not have been scared of him but he was plenty scared of himself. He couldn’t afford to lose control especially not when there was a chance he’d hurt Sakura.

He could barely stand seeing Sakura bleeding and the thought of having her blood on his hands was absolutely revolting as it was unthinkable.

He would never hurt Sakura. He would never let her get hurt, not if he could help it.

He was well aware that he cared for Sakura in a way he thought he’d never be able to after the massacre.

Because somehow stubborn, annoying Sakura had inevitably become a part of him that made him something more than just an avenger.

If he ever hurt her, if he ever raised his hand to injure her, it’s the day he would know without a shred of doubt that there was absolutely nothing left for him except his revenge and his hatred.

When Sakura finally pulled back from him she gave him a wide smile, her eyes still glassy.

“Thank you Sasuke-kun.” She whispered softly.

Her usually shiny long pink hair hung limply in a choppy mess lined with sweat and dirt. Her clothes were bloody and one of her eyes was bruised and almost completely swollen shut. Tear tracks ran down her cheeks which was littered with various scratches.

Sakura was a mess. A mess of blood, sweat and tears.

And yet it was at that moment Sasuke realised for the first time just how beautiful Sakura really was.

[katalyna-rose]

Pain that Lingers

As always, Thema belongs to @thema-sal-shiral and Lyna belongs to me.

Content warnings! Implied/referenced non-consent, implied/referenced torture, PTSD, implied/referenced forced sex work, emotional hurt/comfort, heavy angst.

I wanted to introduce more of our lore and explain more of the concept of courtesans. They are influenced by traditional Japanese geisha but somewhat more brutal due in large part to the infinite and indefinite quality of time that exists in Elvhenan. This concept will be referenced in future pieces, but I will never be explicit in my descriptions of what Lyna endured, or what any courtesan endures.

The taste of blood and sweat and semen and her own juices in her mouth made her want to vomit. Pain flared across her body and she wanted so badly to scream and curl away from it. But he had told her not to make a sound. He carved into her body and into her soul with each lash of pain. I am worth two dragons and a fortune in precious gems, she reminded herself, jaw clenching tight around a scream she would not voice. I am worth four centuries of training. All her muscles seized up and cramped at the next wave of pain, but still she would not scream. She would do as she was bid and she would please Elgar’nan. And I will be granted what I was promised. Peace and luxury for my parents and my brother. I was given into training, protected as a child, so that my family would be raised up. I will suffer so that they do not have to. They will be freed and it will be worth it. She almost let the next scream past her throat as the pain only worsened. It was beyond anything her endurance training had prepared her for, even the rackings she had received for weeks on end. How one man could hurt her so much, violate her so much in a single night she would never have guessed. His lusts were sick, cruel beyond measure, but she would endure for her family.

And then it was over, the time he paid for ended, and she was tossed from his chambers to shiver and moan in the hallway. Her trainer was waiting and he bid her to stand. He curled his lip in disgust at her ruined body and his whip cracked across her shoulders but she could not feel it through all her other pain. Still, she stood, four centuries of training demanding that she obey. He threw a robe around her shoulders since her dress had been torn from her body and she was naked. On shaking legs that threatened to give out with every step, broken bones screaming protest at the slightest movement, she followed where he led. For a full cycle of the sun and moon she had not screamed or cried, but upon seeing what awaited her she did. She fell to her knees in the tiny room her family had shared and she screamed and pressed her hands to the cold blood and gaping wound in her brother’s neck. He had been so young, barely a child, not even marked by Vallaslin yet, and they had killed him. Her parents lay beside him, dead in the same manner. Now you belong only to your queen, her trainer had told her as she screamed and cried. Now you will only be loyal to her. And your family has been freed, as promised. She would have stayed in that room with her family and allowed her wounds to consume her. She would have laid there to die with the reason she had endured. But it was not allowed. She was yanked to her feet and forced to move on. She was given no time to mourn, barely any time to heal her body before she was sold again. It was to be her lot in life, nothing but her duty and her queen. Hunting became her only escape and she excelled until she was given command. Dancing, which had been her greatest joy in her training, became a dreaded thing, the beginning of her pain as she danced for those who would bid on her to buy her company. She fell into despair and nothing existed but the two braids in her hair, two duties she was forced to attend. There was nothing but pain, nothing but what she was. I am only worth what I can do. I am worth no more than my body. But I will not break. I am me and I am someone and I matter. I will not break. I will not… And she did not break, but she bent and twisted and writhed in agony.

Lyna came awake with a scream, the nightmare gripping her tightly, eyes blind to the world with memory clouding them. Thema leapt from the bed with a snarl, dagger in hand, and Solas roused beside her, sluggish as he was woken from his deep sleep by her pain. Thema relaxed when she saw no intruder, no threat besides the past, and returned to bed. Solas reached out to touch her but she shrieked and shrank from him. Thema knelt on the bed beside her and put her face in Lyna’s field of vision.

“What is it? What happened?” she asked urgently. “Talk to me, vhenan.” Lyna blinked and slowly she began to see the starlight hair bathed in delicate colors by the dawn of an autumn day.

She did not know what she said, could not hear her own voice over the echoes of her own screams in her ears. She thought perhaps that she spoke of that first time she was sold, her carefully guarded chastity sold to the highest bidder as she danced to show herself off. She thought perhaps she spoke of the training of a courtesan, how she had been selected when she was six years old and guarded every moment of the day to ensure her diet and health and chastity. Perhaps she spoke of the invasive test performed once she reached maturity to confirm her chastity and physical form and beauty. Perhaps she even spoke of her parents, who despaired when she passed every test and was given into the care of her trainer, who saw her whenever they could and loved her through it all and tried so hard to apologize for giving her away but she’d always known they had no choice. Perhaps she spoke of how they had another child to replace the one they’d been forced to give away as she reached the end of her training. Perhaps she spoke of her little brother, whom she’d loved dearly for his innocence and his fortune that he would not be chosen like her. Perhaps she spoke of the training she endured while around her life moved on as normal. Perhaps she spoke of the dancing that became a passion, how it freed her mind when she trusted her body. Perhaps she spoke of the training of pleasing her patron, how she learned both male and female bodies and how to pleasure them. Perhaps she spoke of the endurance training, for she would need the ability to continue on through any pain, even near death. Perhaps she spoke of that first performance, her debut, in which she danced so perfectly that Elgar’nan himself, their king of kings, had offered to pay any price to take her chastity. Perhaps she spoke of that cycle with him, of all his many perversions, of the way she could still taste her own virgin’s blood in her mouth when the memories assailed her once more. She didn’t know what she spoke of, but she spoke as dawn became day and her two lovers listened silently.

Words were said back to her, but she did not know them, couldn’t understand as the sound of her own screams filled her head. Thema spat angry words and she struggled not to cower as she once had. Solas was gentle, his tone kind but not pitying. She listened to his voice, the smooth glide of syllables that did not form words. She rocked herself slowly to the beat of his heart and slowly her own racing pulse matched it. Thema slowly calmed and joined the rhythm, compassion in her tone. It took a long time, day bleeding into dusk, but eventually they could pull her into their arms and cradle her between their bodies.

Love was whispered in her ears from both sides, assurances that she would never be what she had been again and the one who had ordered it all done was dead. The words made sense again slowly, words of love and gentleness and comfort, but never of pity. She was strong and she did not break, was never broken. She was beautiful because she was herself. She was Lyna and she was important. She was their heart.

But she needed to be asleep, had months left in her uthenera, and she had roused Solas from his as well. Even Thema had been asleep when she woke, though the woman did not need to sleep for seasons at a time. She began to feel silly and in the way, a bother, and she apologized. But they hushed her, would not let her feel small or in the way. And she settled back into her deep and dreaming sleep, comforted and loved and cherished for who she was. Her body was not what her two lovers wanted and the vhenan’nahr in her hair proved that. They loved her because of who she had become and she was worth everything to them. She could rest.

[superfreakerz]

SWF 5

"Sailing with Fire"

Rated M for eventual smut.

Summary: Lucy is in desperate need of a break from the mage life and embarks on a two week cruise alongside her partner, Natsu. What they don't know is that it's a cruise designed specifically for couples. With no other choice than to pretend they are married, the two try to enjoy the cruise the best they can, all the while dealing with uncharted feelings.

Read earlier chapters on FF.net

Natsu's eyes blinked open as he woke with a pained groan. Immediately the boy writhed into fetal position, hugging his knees against his chest. Sweat dotted his pale face as his stomach lurched with every wave that crashed against the boat.

Rolling over in order to throw himself out of bed and into the bathroom, Natsu instantly stilled seeing Lucy's peaceful form dozing away without a care in the world. Her golden hair was splayed around her like a halo and her pink lips were slightly parted. Who was he to disturb such a peaceful sleep?

With as much patience and control as he could manage, Natsu inched towards the foot of the bed before swinging his feet over and getting off. Now that he was safe from waking up his partner, the boy bolted into the bathroom, immediately throwing up inside the toilet. Tears welled in the dragon slayer's eyes as his stomach heaved. Not having ate dinner the night before, he quickly ran out of things to throw up. But that didn't stop his stomach from feeling like shit. All he could do was lay on the tile floor in absolute pain.

Lucy gave a soft groan as her eyes fluttered open due to hearing soft whines. Lazily sitting up, the girl wiped the crust from her eyes and glanced around. Hearing Natsu's whines coming from the bathroom, the blonde got out of bed and headed towards him, only to see him curled up on the floor.

"Natsu? Are you okay?" Lucy questioned in concern.

"Not at all…" the boy answered, his cheeks puffing out again.

The blonde frowned, feeling a bit guilty for his sickness. Maybe dragging him with her wasn't the best idea after all, and that was without the whole marriage predicament.

"Let's get you to go see a mage that can help with this," Lucy suggested, wrapping an arm around him and helping him up. Natsu wordlessly nodded and together they took slow steps out of the room and towards the stairs.

Arriving at the lobby, Lucy quickened her pace, which in turn caused Natsu to do the same. They approached the front desk, worrying the receptionist.

"Is your husband alright?" the older woman questioned in alarm.

Lucy's cheeks warmed, remembering they were supposed to be married. "He has motion sickness."

The receptionist immediately understood and beckoned for another worker to come. This woman was younger, just a few years older than them. Her gaze dropped on the disheveled Natsu. With a green glow enveloping her hands, the woman casted a spell onto the boy.

Natsu perked feeling the immediate relief. "Whoa, what spell was that?"

"It was just a basic spell to balance your insides," the woman answered.

"How long will it last?"

"It lasts on most patients for the whole day."

"Yosh! This is better than Troia! Let's go, Lucy! I'm all fired up!"

Lucy bit back a smile and her cheeks flushed as Natsu grabbed her hand and led her away from the front desk. Either he was really excited about checking out the boat's shops like they planned last night, or he was really good at pretending to be her husband. The blonde gazed at their intertwined fingers, not blind to the heat that traveled through her body from the contact. Surely it must be because he was a fire dragon slayer, right?

Thanks to the generous size of the ship, there were plenty of shops waiting to be checked out. And Lucy was going to check out every single one, that was for sure. The first store they visited was a clothing store full of high end brands. The price tags had Lucy's eyes rolling backwards in their sockets, and the two immediately left without purchasing anything.

The next store was a small souvenir shop, full of clothing and small goods, all with the ship's name printed on them. Lucy and Natsu grinned as they checked out the merchandise, laughing as they found a rack of bobble-heads.

"Should we get everyone souvenirs now?" Lucy suggested, her fingers trailing over a cotton tee shirt with the company's brand on it.

"I wasn't planning on getting them any," Natsu admitted. He crossed his arms behind his head. "Well, other than Happy. You don't have to either, you know."

"I know I don't have to, but I want to. They've helped me so much since I joined the guild, I want to pay them back somehow," Lucy replied with a fond smile. And it was true. The guild had been there with her through her father's threats to simply keeping her company on a slow day. Even now, they had been there for her through her father's sudden death. Buying them tee shirts was the least she could do.

Natsu's lips curled upwards into a smile as he gazed at Lucy's happy face. Coming with her on this cruise was a great idea, despite the motion sickness. Lucy's smile showed him that. He loved the way she cared for the guild just as much as he did, if not more. She was the most caring person he met, perhaps that was why he fell for her.

"What are we getting them then?" Natsu asked with a grin.

"We?" Lucy repeated with an arched brow.

"Yeah! We can split it!"

"You don't have to do that, Natsu."

"Yeah, yeah," the boy replied nonchalantly. Lucy's dad paying off her rent did leave her plenty to spare for their trip, but that didn't mean she should just waste it. Besides, getting food money wouldn't be too hard, he wasn't opposed to helping her.

Lucy smiled and shook her head. Natsu was definitely the sweetest person she met- well, save for Wendy, of course. Nobody could beat Wendy in that matter. But he was a close second. After all, not just anyone uproots a sakura tree and puts it in the canal so she could see it when she is sick.

No, that's something only Natsu would do.

The two purchased tee shirts for most of their closest friends. Cana was going to receive a flask with the brand's logo, however, considering she always just wore a bikini top. And Gray definitely was not getting a tee shirt just to have him strip and lose it. No, he was getting a bobble-head upon Natsu's suggestion.

Once finished buying souvenirs for their friends, the two went through most of the other shops- other than the shops that offered food- nothing really catching their eyes that were in their budget. That only left one shop they hadn't seen, which was a small shop full of tourist clothing and accessories.

Lucy glanced around, not interested in what the store had to offer. She wasn't into tourist clothes- they weren't her type at all- until she ventured into a corner of the store and her eyes landed on an ankle length skirt. It was a rich shade of jade with the sides slit to reveal her legs. Pink flowers were printed over it in a random pattern. She actually kind of liked it.

Next to the skirt was a pair of matching shorts for men. Lucy's brows furrowed in thought.

"He doesn't really have much clothes," the blonde thought, a certain pinkette in mind. "And the flowers will match his hair."

"Whatcha lookin' at?" Natsu suddenly questioned, slinging an arm around her.

Lucy squealed and slapped the boy's arm, giving him a pointed glare. "Don't sneak up on me like that!"

The pinkette merely cackled. "I didn't! You're the one that was zoning out! So what are you looking at?"

The blonde forgot her irritation and returned her gaze back to the matching items. "I like this skirt. And I figured since you don't have much clothes, I could get you the shorts and we could match." Her cheeks turned a light shade of pink as she asked, "Would that be tacky?"

Natsu glanced at the shorts. They weren't bad looking at all. Not really his style, but not bad. And it was obvious Lucy liked them. That was more than enough reason to get them.

"No way!" Natsu assured with a wide grin. "That sounds awesome! Let's get them!"

"Really?" Lucy questioned, her lips forming a smile.

"Yeah! It'll be cool!"

Natsu reached for the shorts, only to have his hand smacked away lightly.

"I'll buy them," Lucy stated. Before the boy could protest, she continued with a kind smile, "It'll be my souvenir for you, as a way to thank you for coming. And for everything else you've done for me."

Natsu ducked his face behind his scarf, knowing that he was blushing. He watched as Lucy went over to the cashier to pay. Something didn't sit right with him. Her words were nice and made his heart feel lighter, but it was like she didn't know how much she had done for him as well.

Eyes landing on black tank tops with the cruise's logo in a small font on the center, Natsu grinned and picked them up. Guessing Lucy's size, he picked one up for the both of them and rushed to the counter.

Lucy thanked the cashier after finishing her transaction and accepted her bag of merchandise, surprised when Natsu suddenly appeared beside her and placed something on the counter. The blonde arched a brow, finding the objects to be matching black tank tops.

Answering the girl's unasked questioned, the boy stated with a grin, "They're to go with the shorts and the skirt! And to say thanks for everything you've done for me!"

Lucy's face was set ablaze and her gaze fell to the floor. "I-I haven't done anything for you though."

"What do you mean? Of course you have! You've been my partner!"

"But I'm not really strong like Erza and Gray. You guys do most of the work, actually."

"That's not true at all," Natsu stated, his voice suddenly low and serious.

Lucy blushed even more, finding that she thought his voice was alluring.

"You're strong, Lucy," Natsu said. "And you're smarter than the rest of us. The team wouldn't be the same without you."

"Th-Thanks," Lucy mumbled, too shy to say it any louder.

"Aren't you two just the cutest couple?" the cashier, who was a shorter, plump woman with black hair and a friendly smile, gushed. "I take it you two are newlyweds?"

"U-Umm, yeah," Lucy replied, her blush deepening. "We are." She felt like she lied more in the past few days than she had in the past year.

"How adorable! Hope you enjoy these clothes!"

"Thanks!"

With their hands full with shopping bags, the two headed back to their room to put them away and get ready for their second day at the pool. Swimming wasn't the most relaxing activity they could've done, especially with their tickets to an exclusive spa day, but it was still fun. And Lucy liked seeing Natsu enjoying himself.

Taking turns using the bathroom to change into their swimsuits, the two were ready to go to the pool. Locking the door behind them, Lucy glanced at Natsu's hand. A blush stained her cheeks as she reached out and slid her hand with his.

"Ready to go?" she asked.

"Yeah," Natsu replied, his own heart speeding up from the contact.

Making their way wordlessly downstairs and towards the swimming pool, the two kept their eyes locked on anything other than the other person. Lucy bit her lower lip. This wasn't the first time her body had acted in such a way, but ever since their cruise, it had become more prominent.

"What is wrong with me?" the blonde wondered. "I'm being ridiculous! It's not like I'm in love with Natsu of all people or anything! Get it together!"

Once they reached the pool, Lucy pulled her hand away, though her heart was still thumping wildly, only calming down as she entered the pool. It was a bit more crowded than the day before since it was their first full day on the cruise. Couples were dipping their feet into the pool, splashing each other in shallow areas, and wading around in the deeper areas.

Lucy and Natsu chose an empty spot just before the deep end of the pool. The blonde wasn't able to stand on the soles of her feet and instead had to stand on the tips of her toes. Natsu cackled, seeing as he was able to stand just fine, the water at his neck.

Lucy gave a pleasant sigh as she floated on her back, unaware of the lustful stares coming from the people around her, one of which being her supposedly dense partner. Natsu swallowed thickly, unable to help staring at her breasts. The water that coated her body sparkled under the sun. She looked like a goddess.

Natsu licked his lips before breaking his gaze with a shake of his head. Then his eyes roamed the pool to find most of the other men staring at Lucy as if she was a piece of meat. Sure, he had been looking at her with a just as lustful gaze, but it was different! He at least knew her, these guys didn't know anything about her! And besides, she was his wife, not theirs- or technically his pretend wife, but whatever. Shouldn't they've just been happy with their own wives?

Jealousy bubbled within him. He just couldn't let them ogle at her any longer or else he might turn the relaxing pool into a pot of boiling water. Glancing back at Lucy, the boy grinned thinking of a way to both end the perverts' staring and to annoy her. Two birds with one stone!

Wading just behind the blonde, he dipped below the water and wrapped his arms around the unsuspecting girl's waist. Even from below the water he could hear her shrieks. Lifting himself back up, he cackled, the girl's shouts much easier to hear now.

"Put me down, Natsu!" Lucy shouted.

The said boy ignored her and continued to laugh as he carried her backwards and lifted her into the air, bringing her under the water with him and creating a huge splash.

Lucy rose from the water and immediately glared at her partner. So he wanted to annoy her, huh? Well two could play at that game. Rushing towards the cackling boy, the blonde brought her hands to the top of Natsu's head and pushed downwards, trying to push him under the water. Unfortunately for her, he wouldn't budge.

Natsu paused from his cackling and opened his eyes in order to tease her in her failed efforts to drown him, only to realize he had made a huge mistake. Right in front of his face were Lucy's barely clad breasts, bouncing each time she tried to push him down. Thank god he was under the water, seeing as how there was a familiar twitch of his groin.

Not thinking he could handle staring at such a blessed view any longer, Natsu pushed his competitive side away and let Lucy push him below the water.

"This is gonna be a long cruise."

Lucy frowned as she dug through her suitcase, looking for the perfect outfit to wear for dinner that night. Since they were so busy last night, the two ended up missing the designated time for dinner and didn't have time to go to any of the food stores either. Thus, their stomachs growled throughout the night. They weren't going to let that happen again.

"Why don't you just wear the outfit we got today?" Natsu questioned in slight annoyance. He was starving and wanted to get food already.

"Because I want to look nice," Lucy answered, sticking her tongue out at him. "It's our first dinner here and this is a nice cruise. It's a great time to dress up."

"I thought you hated dressing up? Didn't you have to do that when you lived with your dad?"

Lucy frowned at the memories that resurfaced, especially since she and her father could never make amends.

"I did," she answered. "But it wasn't exactly the dressing up part I hated. I hated that I couldn't choose my clothes. But what I hated even more were the occasions I had to wear them to. Everyone was so stuck up and I was only there to look pretty and smile. But now I can wear what I want and look cute doing it! And I can still have fun!"

Natsu smiled with the girl, having heard all he needed. As long as she was having fun, he would suck it up and wait.

Lucy grinned widely as she found the perfect dress for the night. With a giddy squeal, she rushed into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.

Natsu waited on the bed, hearing the shower turn on. Knowing Lucy, he had a good hour before it was his turn to shower. Though, being on a cruise didn't leave him much to do when he was alone in the bedroom. So, he simply played with his magic- carefully, of course. He knew what would happen to him if he accidentally turned the bed to ashes.

Eventually, he heard the shower turn off. He sat up and listened to Lucy's movements. His keen hearing picked up on everything, from her footsteps exiting the tub to her towel being removed from the rack. Then, he heard her curse.

"You good, Luce?" Natsu asked with a hint of concern. The only reason she could be cursing in the bathroom was if her monthly visitor showed up, but having known her cycle- he had to know which days to avoid annoying her- he knew that wasn't the case.

"U-Umm, Natsu?" the girl called out meekly. "C-Can you get me some u-underwear? I forgot to get them after I picked out my dress…"

"Sure," he replied with a shrug, not deeming it to be a big deal. That is, until he opened the girl's suitcase and found her stash of underwear. His face instantly burned a bright crimson as he looked at all of the selection. There were so many pairs of lacy underwear. And the bras were huge! Then there were some stretchy strings.

"When is someone supposed to wear something like this? During a meal?" Natsu wondered. With an audible gulp, he picked up the black stringy underwear and a black bra made entirely of lace. It was no surprise that his mind immediately began to imagine Lucy donning the articles of clothing.

"I-I have them," Natsu stammered. "Want me to come in there?"

"No way!" Lucy screeched. "J-Just give them to me. I'll open the door a little bit."

The pinkette nodded and his heartrate quickened as the bathroom door creaked open just an inch. Lucy's dainty hand slid through the small opening, fishing for her underwear. Unbeknownst to her, the boy could see her backside through the crack of the door, reflected by the mirror. Guilt ebbed away at him, so he quickly averted his eyes and handed the girl her clothes, their hands brushing against each other.

"Th-Thanks," Lucy stated, quickly shutting the door. The task was much more intimate than she imagined. Perhaps it would have been better to go out in only the short towel. It wasn't like he hadn't seen her in such a state before. Though, with how short it was, bending down wouldn't have been possible without showing her lady region.

Slipping into her dress, Lucy smiled at her reflection in the mirror. It was one of the nicest dresses she owned, costing her more money than she'd like to admit. It was an ankle-length, strapless dress that was tight around her curves before gently flowing past her thighs. It was white in color, so she would have to be extra careful while eating. She wished she could summon Cancer so that he could do her hair.

"It would be even better if my hair was naturally wavy like Mira's," Lucy thought, envious towards her beautiful friend. She wished her hair didn't simply flow straightly.

With a displeased sigh, the blonde exited the bathroom, her confidence slightly altered. Usually she was aware of her good looks, but there were times her insecurities got the best of her.

Natsu couldn't help but glance towards the door after hearing it open. In a matter of seconds, his jaw dropped to the floor and his eyes grew wide. Heat rushed to his face and he had to duck into his scarf to hide it. And it was all because Lucy looked absolutely gorgeous.

The dress showed less skin than any of her usual outfits, but it still caused his heart to leap into his throat. It hugged her curves and made her look like an angel, even more so with her golden hair. She was stunning.

"Do I look bad?" Lucy asked with a frown as she averted her gaze. Usually Natsu always had something to say, so him being quiet upon seeing her wasn't a good sign. "Should I go change?"

"W-Why would you have to change?" Natsu asked in return after fumbling with his words.

"I already told you, I want to look good tonight! Ugh, I'll go cha-"

"Don't," the boy interrupted. He looked away as he continued, "You look good."

"R-Really?" the blonde asked. Her cheeks felt warm and she felt as though she was starting to sweat. For some reason, his words affected her more than they should have. Perhaps it was because he never really complimented her looks in such a way. Maybe it was because she assumed he didn't see girls like that.

"Yeah," Natsu replied. "I always think you look good."

Lucy flushed from head to toe, her heart thumping wildly. "W-Whatever, let's just go eat already. I'm starving."

Glancing at his hand, she reached for it, ignoring the excitement she felt as she did. What was up with all of these new feelings? Well, they weren't new new. She had blushed many times in her life, even from Natsu. But something felt different. Almost as if she wanted to keep blushing. She wanted the feeling to persist.

When they reached the dining hall, they were surprised to see that everyone had assigned tables based on their room numbers, two couples to each table. Every table was round and covered in a white table cloth with golden rims. In the center of each table was a candle and a rose in a glass vase. The cruise did not miss out on fancy details.

Lucy was a bit uneasy about sharing a dining table with another couple. What if they found out about their secret and reported them? Meanwhile, Natsu just wanted to be alone with Lucy.

Finding their table took a few minutes, seeing as how there were so many. When they found it, both were upset to find another couple already sitting there, who were apparently roomed in 203, according to the card placed on the table.

One of the people was a girl around their age with pink, curled hair. Her eyes were an eerie red, similar to a certain iron-eating dragon slayer. She was scantily dressed in a maroon dress with a large slit between her breasts reaching her bellybutton. Similarly to Lucy, the girl also had a nice figure.

Sitting next to her was a boy who appeared a couple years older than them in his twenties. He had light brown hair and gorgeous emerald eyes. He definitely dressed better than Natsu, wearing a black and white suit.

Upon seeing Lucy and Natsu approaching, the pink-headed girl turned to look at them.

"Are you from room 202?" she asked with a wide grin. Her red eyes lingered over Natsu, specifically his revealed abs. To Lucy's disgust, she licked her lips.

Lucy glanced towards her supposed husband to find his reaction towards the girl. Unsurprisingly, he seemed unbothered by it. That, or he didn't notice. She couldn't help but pout, but recovered quickly to address the girl.

"Yeah, we are," she answered. She moved to sit by the girl, but the other girl covered it with her hands.

"You should sit over there by my husband and let yours sit next to me! Us pinkettes have to stick together!" she exclaimed with a shrill laugh.

Lucy was about to argue, but Natsu sat by the other girl with a shrug. Knowing him, he didn't care and just wanted to eat already. Biting her tongue, the blonde sat by the other girl's husband, who was practically drooling over her breasts.

"So what are your names?" the other girl asked, only looking at Natsu.

"My name is Lucy Heartfilia," the blonde answered. Wanting to get the other girl to stop looking at her partner, she asked, "What's your name?"

Finally the female pinkette glanced at her and answered, "I'm Loly Madoka. And what's your name?"

Natsu grinned at the girl- unnoticing the pout that Lucy gave- and answered, "I'm Natsu Dragneel!"

"That's a nice name," Loly complimented, resting her chin on her palms.

"Thanks!"

Lucy frowned as she watched the two talk. Unsure as to why, jealousy bubbled in the pit of her stomach. It wasn't like they were really together or anything, but shouldn't Natsu have been trying more? Why the hell was he talking to some random chick so much? They were the ones on the vacation together. He should've been paying attention to her!

"My name's Jun," the boy seated next to her, Loly's husband, suddenly stated. He wore a cocky smirk, one that Lucy wanted to wipe off his face. "It's nice to meet you, Lucy."

"Yeah, you too," the said girl replied, only to prevent being rude.

"Where are you from?"

"Magnolia."

"Oh, nice. We're from Tule. Ever heard of it?"

"Nope, sorry," Lucy bluntly answered, all the while watching Natsu and Loly's interactions. "So how long have you and your wife been married?"

From the corner of her eye, she saw Jun's smirk falter at the mention of his wife.

"For a couple years," he answered, his smirk coming back. "What about you and Pinkie?"

"His name is Natsu," Lucy told him with a glare. "And we've been married for, uhh, a few months."

"Oho, so you're newlyweds?"

"Looks like it."

"What kind of relationship do you two have?"

"What do you mean? We're married."

Jun chuckled. "Well, Loly and I have an open relationship."

And that was when Lucy put the pieces together.

"O-Oh," she stammered. "Umm, good for you?"

Jun laughed again. "You and your husband are exclusive?"

"Yes, very much so."

"What a bummer. You're way too good looking to be tied down like that. But who knows, things could change. I mean, it looks like he and Loly are hitting it off."

Lucy frowned and furrowed her brows as she glanced towards the other two. It was true. The two were laughing as if they'd known each other for years.

Dread filled her entire being as she wondered, "Is Natsu into her?" The mere thought alone had tears pricking her eyes.

Luckily, a waiter came to her rescue and distracted her with a menu full of delicious looking food. Maybe she was only angry with Natsu because she was hungry. Maybe that's it.

After getting their meals, Lucy was relieved to find that Natsu stopped talking to Loly in favor of stuffing his face with food. Loly seemed momentarily shocked by the boy's lack of manners, but obviously recovered quickly as she continued to ogle at him. Lucy kept her gaze to her food, picking at it and no longer in the mood to eat.

When they finished their meals, Lucy quickly rose from her seat and beckoned for Natsu.

"Well, we should get going. It was nice meeting you guys," Lucy lied. In truth, she was planning on convincing Natsu to survive off of the snacks they provided at the shops. It wouldn't be as good as the food at the dining hall and would cost them a fortune, but at least she wouldn't be by that annoying couple.

"Aww, why do you have to leave so soon?" Loly asked with a pout. She placed her hand over Natsu's bicep, unaware of the daggers she was receiving via an angry blonde.

"I'm just a little tired is all," Lucy lied. "C'mon, Natsu."

"Okay!" the boy replied. "Later, Loly! Jun!"

Lucy made sure to hold his hand, a smirk etching itself onto her face seeing the frown Loly gave. When they reached their room, however, she quickly let go of his hand and went straight into the bathroom. In truth, she was angry at her best friend.

Lucy knew her anger was irrational. Natsu was just being the kind person he always was and didn't even realize Loly's motives. She couldn't blame him for that. Still, it irked her to see them hitting it off while she had to talk to Jun, who wouldn't stop staring at her chest. Shouldn't Natsu have been more interested in talking to her? They were best friends, after all.

Changing into a pair of silk shorts and a loose tank top, Lucy left the bathroom and got into bed without sparing a glance towards Natsu. The boy immediately picked up on her sour mood, though he had no idea what was wrong.

"Umm, Luce? You okay?" Natsu asked, hesitantly sitting by her on the bed.

"I'm fine," she answered, though her monotone voice betrayed her words. "Let's just go to sleep."

"But it's only nine o'clock… C'mon, Lucy. What's wrong?" Natsu asked with a frown.

Lucy sighed and sat up to look at him. There was no way in hell she was going to tell him she was jealous. No. That was not happening. Still, she couldn't be mad at him when he did nothing wrong. It wasn't fair.

"I'm sorry," the blonde replied, shaking her head. "My food just wasn't good."

"That's it?" Natsu questioned with a raised brow.

"Yeah. Stupid, I know."

Natsu gave her a fanged grin. "Not stupid. Weird!"

"Shut up," Lucy said, playfully nudging him with a small smile. "I'm going to read now before going to sleep. You and I are going to the spa tomorrow!"

"But spas are boring."

"No, they're relaxing. Which is what I came here to do. And since we won an exclusive deal, we are not wasting it!"

"Fine."

Natsu watched as Lucy picked up a book she packed with her and opened to the first page. He frowned, seeing as he had nothing to do.

"Hey, Lucy?"

"Yeah?" the blonde asked, raising a brow.

"Do you think you can read your book out loud?" he asked. "I don't have anything to do so I might as well listen."

Lucy grinned widely and explained, "Sure! This can be our book! I haven't read it since Levy-chan gave it to me a week ago, so we'll be starting it together!"

"Nice! I'm all fired up!"

Lucy giggled and began to read aloud from the first line. Natsu intently watched her mouth move and form the words, nearly too entranced by her pink lips to hear what she was saying. Laying down, he continued to listen until he eventually dozed off into sleep.

Lucy glanced towards her partner and smiled noticing he was asleep. Shutting the book, she placed it on the nightstand before laying down. Though unlike the night before, she didn't pay attention to how far she was from the edge and instead scooted closer to the warmth.

[tanuki-kimono]

Japanese folk tales #35 – The swarm of Suzuka pass

(for queen bee @todayintokyo ! Sorry for the delay, I hope you’ll like it)

Find my tales tagged here or visit my blog for both english and french versions. Wish me to cover a special youkai or subject? Contact me, I’ll try to accommodate ❤️

Once upon a time, there was a famous road which wound across Japan. Through paddy fields and soft hills, dark forests and mighty peaks, people walked all day long from station to station, travelling from the great Edo to charming Kyoto.

One of those post towns was a dreaded stop which stood near a steep pass named Suzuka. High in the mountains, the area was nothing but barren rocks and gloomy trees. And it was renowned at miles around for it hid a bandit’s den.

Those highwaymen were all former samurais. Masterless, with no other knowledge than the way of the sword, harsh lives had turned them cruel and bitter.

Like packs of rabid dogs, they terrorized the region, pillaging villages and farms. But their favourite hunting ground was the pass.

Armed with old blunt swords, wooden clubs and other makeshift weapons, the bandits would often ambush helpless merchants. Threatening the poor men, they would raid carts packed with luscious silk and pearly rice, fresh delicacy and glimmering silver, and vanished back to their lair.

Fearsome and merciless, those dismissed samurais had beaten down every single militia sent against them.

And as there was no other way across the mountains, travellers had no choice but keep crossing dreary Suzuka, praying for their safety and relying on sheer luck.

One misty morning, silhouettes emerged from the fog. Simply dressed in blue kimono and wide hats, two men travelled side by side. Behind them, an old horse pulled a small cart filled with wooden casks covered with thick straw matting.

In the peaceful air, a soft humming sound could be heard as the cart moved up the rocky road.

– I sure hope we will not encounter those rascals!

The younger man kept looking around, ready to flee at the slightest sign of danger.

– Be quiet. The boss asked us to deliver those casks and we will comply!

The older man was pale but he kept walking briskly.

Suddenly, a sole shadow appeared in front of them.

The older man froze. And before the younger one could run for his life, countless silhouettes materialized all around them.

An aristocratic voice rose:

– Good morning gentlemen.

Slowly, dishevelled men dressed in smelly rags encircled the cart. Armed to the teeth, they threw wolfish smiles at the merchants. The two men fell to their knees:

– Please, have mercy! We are only clerks running errand!

The chief of the bandits did not care to answer them. He approached and took a close look at the load. Rising a suffisant brow he sneered:

– My my, sake casks? How kind of you!

The younger man opened his mouth:

– But it’s not…

Before he could finished his sentence, one of the brutes hit him.

– Silence fool!

The chief turned to his men:

– Come on you all, to work! Tonight, we’re getting drunk!

The bandits cheered, howling like hungry dogs. And they started unloading the cart.

The former samurais were careless, eager as they were to taste this providential alcohol after month of temperance and muddy water.

They knocked the casks together, turning them upside down. And at each bump, the strange humming sound rose and rose.

The older merchant grew paler and paler:

– Please be carefull!

The chief snarled nastily:

– This sake is ours now! If we wish to take a sip right here right now, we will!

And to prove his dominance, he barked:

– You! Open that cask!

His minion took his axe and started hitting the cask. With each blow, the humming grew louder, soon turning into a droning.

– What on earth…

Before the chief realised, the cask cracked open, releasing a black and golden swarm.

The two merchants threw themselves to the ground, protecting themselves as much as they could under their hats and kimono.

Thousands and thousands of bees, infuriated by the noise and blows which had disturbed their slumber, attacked. They surrounded the ragged men in a maddened dance, viciously stinging arms, and legs, and hands, and faces.

In the other casks, other bees buzzed angrily, ready to defend their sisters.

The bandits ran around, waving their weapons without success, some already yelling with pain. And the more they writhed, the more the bees carried on their onslaught.

In a matter of moments, the highwaymen scattered in the forest, fleeing in panic. Soon, only the two merchants remained, frozen on the ground, not daring to breath.

Slowly the bees’ fury quieted and they returned to their wooden home. On the ground, fallen insects proved how bravely the swarm had fought.

Shaking, the clerks used one of their kimono to cover the cracked cask. The younger one exclaimed:

– Believe me, I’ll never mock the boss again for putting hives into old sake casks !

And they say that, from this day on, bandits never raided Suzuka pass ever again.

Notes:

This folktale takes place near the 48th station of the famous Tokaido road. Suzuka pass was then a obligatory stop when traveling between Omi and Ise prefectures. I don’t know if bandits have truly haunted this area but it’s highly probable as during Edo period, peaceful times and banishment turned many samurais into ronin. Some settled down to quiet lives but others turned into dreaded city criminals and highwaymen, some terrifying whole regions.

In Japanese culture, bees are not revered as much as other insects and they are not often seen in tales. Their timid presence is probably due to the fact that beekeeping was introduced quite late in Japan. In ancient times, bees were nonetheless revered in some temple and used as offerings or for divination purpose.

Beekeeping became a popular pastime during Edo era with people keeping bees at home in makeshift hives made of rice straw… or in logs or old sake casks. I’ve found traces of bees associated with sake making, but I’ve not been able to find exactly why. Is it because bees were first kept in temple and as sacred as sake was? Or because sake brewers raised bees on their free time? Maybe to make brews like this modern one? The mystery is full and if you know more about it please share your thoughts

The Japanese honey bee is quite a gentle kind, and very different from its natural enemy the aggressive Japanese giant hornet. Tales though tend to mix those two species’ behaviours quite liberally (like today’s one!).

[pictures sources: 1 / 2 / 3]

[horrible-monstrosity]

Adventures in reviewing games I haven't actually played

so it took me something to figure out why i really didn't like danganronpa, and that something was 9 doors 9 people 9 etc. i'm totally not just salty that chihiro dies early, r e a l l y

to begin with without even comparing I can already say Danganronpa is visually... terrible. The characters look mildewed, for lack of a better term. The backgrounds are clunky as shit, weirdly proportioned, brightly colored eyesores. Usually I'm pretty down for thing in weird unrealistic reality-breaking styles, but this just looks like... chunky ass...

Next, the characters... aside from looking completely unappealing, they're all bizarre unlikable stereotypes. I remember seeing someone claiming that's the "point", that the characters seem like stereotypes and treat each other like stereotypes because you supposed to get to know them and then you care when they die, and also they barely interact with each other because only you know their true selves because it's a deep meaning thing about stereotypes, but... it kinda doesn't seem like they actually manage to get beyond that. And also then of course they eventually die and then they stop developing. But we'll get to that. On the other hand, compare that to the 999 characters... it's a vibrant cast of tropey but still fairly unique characters with nice eyecatching designs. You get a taste of their personalities immediately via first the main guy's stupid little nicknames for them all and then through their reactions to his little snap assessment of them. Throughout the game they banter with and bounce off each other and continue being vibrant lovable characters and it's fucking beautiful. You could probably compare it to Higurashi with the great contrast between the characters dicking around with each other and the deeply serious and horrifying moments... hah, no wonder I liked 999 so much P:

And the final problem is that, and this is gonna sound really fuckin stupid for a sec, it's that people keep fucking dying in Danganronpa. No, really, lemme explain. So first off characters are slated to die regularly not only to fuel the court thing but as a direct result of it. If you're expecting at least two characters to die ever chapter or arc, it becomes routine. Plus the fact that the murders are slightly contrived- just put a bunch of people in a building and be like "lol kill each other", and instead of outright fighting and rioting you get single distinct clean murder events? It's fucking weird.

The other problem is, if you introduce a cast of characters we're all supposed to like and put them in mortal danger, people're gonna want to see them all come out alive somehow. DR addresses this with... a deus ex machina where you can get the key to the fucking exit out of a vending machine at the start of the game and just fucking leave. lol whut I dunno, maybe that was in one of the other games, not the first one which is the only one I ever bothered to even try watching. But the point is, the writers/designers decided to pander to the audience, but instead of thinking it out and allowing you to maybe affect events somehow I don't fucking know they went with a fucking stupid magic plot token.

In 999 meanwhile, while there's indications you've taken the wrong path long before you get to the killin', the whole point is to get as many people as possible out alive, so that problem is nipped in the bud. Not only does that lead to a more satisfying good ending, the bad ends are a wild fucking ride of bloodshed and death and it's fucking amazding okay

I... I dunno, man, the things just bug me.

... But as it turns out, that whole thing was just prologue to me bitching about 999's inferior sequel Virtue's Last Reward!

So VLR is like... basically, it's like if the writers decided to do exactly the same thing as the first game but amped up to eleven, and put no thought into it beyond that.

Immediately out of the gate you can tell the characters just aren't up to snuff. Compared to 999, the group introduction is just... like, there? It's like, oh, here's a person, here's a person. It's pretty weak compared to its predecessor. And then robot comes in with unconscious Clover because why. As far as I can tell, there's no reason for her to be unconscious except le drama, and in exchange... well, her character introduction is even weaker than everyone else's. Because she's unconscious and can't do shit. Her character and the writing are undermined for nothing of any worth. I mean maybe they'll hack up a reason for it later, but I really doubt it'll be as good as say June collapsing with a fever whenever you made a bad choice in 999, for two reasons. For one it's just... a one-trait plot point. June's collapses are interesting because, as it turns out, she has a fever then because she's literally burning up in another timeline. But Clover is just... out cold. Just that. It's literally a boilerplate sitcom drama trope. It's nothing. And then secondly it only happened once with no apparent cause so even bothering to explain it would be a waste of fucking time. So I almost hope it's never explained or even referred to again, except that's still stupid so I guess we're just fucked either way huh?

After that, the game's own design prevents anything like the interactions between groups in 999 by forcing the cast off into minimal itty bitty little groups of three. Man, that just damages it. There's very little of the cast interacting with... well, each other. Yeah sure you get to see enough of each character individually throughout the story branches when you pair up with them but they really don't feel genuine as a group. It's really lacking.

Oh, but then we can get into something that's just the pinnacle-example of the writing problems with VLR... the door-choosing scenes. Just... no, oh no... Every single damn one of them... there's a time limit. The characters know damn well there's a time limit, but they manage to get right up to the very last second boringly agonizingly going over every single combination of who makes what color... then boringly arguing over who goes which what... one time they literally just turn to mister main character at the last second and tell you to choose and they all just go with it because lolwritinghowdoidothisshitfuckingkillme In 999 meanwhile, a lot of the group/door deciding scenes *start off* with characters laying out who they do or absolutely don't want to group up with, or with characters picking out which door they want, and *then* trying to work out groups... you know, the *characters* take precedence rather than the look at muh clever plot mechanics u guise did u know that basic colors? The main character being the arbiter because he's a conduit for the player's input was done much more naturally, usually due to you being the tiebreaker vote or the like. And yes, once they get through the doors there's a silly little time limit thing while they run around looking for the second bracelet thing, but it's given much less focus so it's fine. Ugh... it's just, it's so painful to watch this game trying to go through the motions of its predecessor so exactly (the characters must choose a group for the doors but there's conflict!!) and still failing so hard. It's not so much the same motions as it is following the same path by writhing along the floor and occasionally sticking its ass in the air and screeching.

Mechanically, 999's "morphic resonance" and its interaction with the player's ability to replay scenarios with different choices is... one-for-one replaced with a much more generic and obvious concept that's then massively overused. In 999 morphic resonance is very much a unique trait of the narrative- it's built up to with various odd stories and conversations, based on events both real and invented, leading to the climactic moments where it's first revealed to be the lynchpin of the entire story and then used to save day. Not to mention it's a concept I don't think I've ever heard of outside of the game. It's pretty fucking fascinating, I'm saying.

In VLR meanwhile it's just like... hey, guys, quantum mechanics! Every second of every day, it's quantum mechanics!... But guys, guys, did I mention... quantum mechaniiiiiiiiiiiicfs- meh. Seriously, I'm... almost entirely sure I've seen a branching paths story use quantum mechanics to be "meta" with the fact that the game you're playing has the game mechanics in it before. It's basically baby's first smart-sounding complicated science thing that everyone basically already has a basic idea of (entanglement and spooky distance and shit).

But to make up for underdoing it on the actual ideas front, they decide to just massively overuse it. Nearly ever fucking "ending" I've seen so far has been "ha ha go quantum fuck yourself in another branch before you know how to do this one". Apparently  only two endings out of go fuck yourself so many can actually be obtained from the start, and there's no real indication of which path you should take to get them (and it is *should* take unless you think perpetual bullshit and disappointment is some sort of necessary game and story feature). There's one fucking "ending" where the way out is to just fucking immediately go back a scene and watch it again. Just one. It's the one where Alice stabs herself, which happens in other timelines (or she tries to anyway) but only in this one do you do this thing because... it's a fucking misused overused gimmick! And look how clever we are in this single idea- what, polishing it? lol nope man go fuck yaself! aaaaaaaaaauuhghg- Also, you'd think *someone* would have thought "man all this quantum connectedness bullshit sure never happened to me in my normal life, I wonder what changed?" Again this isn't a problem in 999 at all because they use it sparingly instead of spamming it all over the place. Instead we get people wondering if the entire fucking universe outside of the box they're trapped in isn't the REAL shcrodinger's box *sarcastic mind blown ptcheeeeeww*

And then this is all just boilerplated on over the original Nonary game concept. Like, why does it still have to be the number nine? You're talking about quantum pairs and the binary between ally and betray, but the quantum entanglement system has to be awkwardly grafted onto the group of nine by having only some of them pair up and aaaaahksdjhguhdkhgkjdhgudrhg Why not change it to something relevant, like a power of two?

... No, seriously, let me just fix this entire setup in a hot fucking second. Let me introduce to you... THE BINARY GAME. So to fucking start off with you have eight characters, or fuck it have sixteen of them. If you want to "sequelify" things compared to the previous game just go fucking whole hog into it. Besides, having more characters might help with having smaller groups interacting at a time. So now your smaller groups are... larger. Anyway, you have eight or sixteen or maybe fifteen characters (because something zero indexing). They're quantum paired off and made to share their "destiny" or whatever the rabbit said (basically forced to ally regardless of how much they might dislike each other). Those pairs then pair off with another pair for the puzzle rooms who they can choose to betray/ally later on, forming a double standard of sorts that could be interesting. If you go with fifteen characters, the "zero"th one is the one missing (because of course). The 15th or whoever ends up without a partner has some dead relative/loved one as a backstory element and are particularly lonely or isolated, or are seen as suspicious by the others, but this is just thematic/a red herring and they aren't connected to New Zero.

And after you've got all that sorted have Alice-standin stabbing herself and you undoing it be the first significant quantum bullshit event that happens, effectively serving as a tutorial moment instead of shoehorned "look how clever I am u guise" bullshit.

After that, all the bullshit about "but what if humans are the real robot??" can be actually tied into the "binary" theme- New Zero's trying to make the "point" that if you boil a person's thoughts and feelings down to only two options (the prisoner's dilemma game) it supposedly becomes predictable, and all humans are just meat robots and shit. This is probably delivered in an extremely cynical way, like that people who'll always betray are proof humans are all evil and people who always ally are overly trusting fools. And people who'll ally or betray depending on the opponent or the situation, well they're just etc etc The player's ability to go back in time and change their choice is a "shrodinger's cat", in that no matter what you do the bunny will claim he knew you'd do that all along. And of course the final statement of this thing is that if you accept all the complexities of le human you'd see they're so much more than roburts. And then you just fucking play with the concepts. Binary numbers, binary options, binary pairs, quantum particle entanglement, going beyond two options like some quantum computing shit, do the gender binary by making Luna a trap, whatever! And for the endings you have like two or three or four that lead to "true" endings and are "to be continued" off if you don't get some of the bad endings and find out things first. You know, instead of the opposite of that.

Look, there, I fucking fixed it. fucking hell

What else can I bitch about?... Well, there's some just dumb shit like the one time some of them found a HWACKEY QHWACKEY AUSTRALIAN ROBURT that talked about deep philosophical shit with a wacky accent! Or it tries to, anyway, all it says is some boilerplate I'm-14-and-this-is-deep shit about how *maybe you're the robots* because... like, your arms move, or something. Seriously, that's it. And it just goes on and on for fucking forever, saying nothing of any fucking value in any of it.

Clover and Alice as far as I can tell are just there as like continuity-bait characters. Like hey guys remember that time we had a good game and these characters were there (or Clover was there and Alice was kinda this... thing)??? Remember how you liked them?? Well, now they're here, too! Effort done, everyone likes the sequel now, we can stop trying. It hasn't been covered in the game yet but apparently Alice's backstory is... fucking stupid. Like, the obscure fictional "all-ice" rumor from the original games that was an invented piece of deepest lore that informed the plot and feel of the game... uh now it's just some rumor everyone knows and kids tease Alice because she was kangs n Alice and shiet. It's like they tried to surpass the most obvious, boring, boilerplate thing they could do with that girl who appeared as a gag at the end of 999 and create a character truly out of nothing. And of course it doesn't fucking mean anything, it's just look at how clever we are obsessing over random shit from out previous success. Did Trigger write this game?

Everyone seems to fucking hate the main character. If you choose to downvote someone everyone gets bitchy at you about it, including Phi who probably told you to do it when she's partnered with you. But if someone downvotes you they're all just like "it's perfectly understandable to look out for yourself I don't know why you're upset lol". If anyone else (so far Quark and Phi) gets 9 post karma, which is what you need to get out of there, they'll just let them wander around because they totally wouldn't abandon us here lol but if you get 9 points they FUCKING MURDER YOU. And this one fucking baffled me for a while- despite loving to go on and on about the most useless of fucking shit all of the fucking time the game decides to not remind you that opening the 9 door kills everyone who doesn't have 9 points yet until fucking forever later (or, given that it's multiple paths, just at some completely random point in the story). So for the longest fucking time it just seems like they decide to kill you out of spite.

Oh, and everyone also seems to also fucking hate Dio. Like, wow, he gets kinda snippy with people and votes "betray" all of like twice in each timeline before people start physically assaulting him to prevent him from voting. It's not like people might get selfish and snippy when they're in a life-and-death situation, nooo, that's not totally understandable at all. Better yet the thing goes on about the prisoner's dilemma as this great big moral... dilemma- oh, do you choose "ally" or you choose "betray"?? oh man the choices!!- but when Dio is just like "fuck it I pick betray" and everyone just goes HOW FUCKING DARE YOU REEEEEEEEEEEEE--- (And yes, I've read the spoilers about him... it sounds absolutely fucking retarded.)

Speaking of which Dio's "I'm a ringleader lol" shctick seems like an entirely weaker imitation of 999's wacky character designs. 999 had characters who were eyecatching but not too over-the-top in appearances, which the main character raised an eyebrow at at the beginning but it becomes strangely normal as you go along. Sounds great, right? Well in VLR we have... ringleader guy for no reason, kid with cinderblocks on his fucking head, Clover and Alice looking FUCKING TERRIBLE... and then completely normal boring designs like old man guy. What the fuck? Seriously, in 999 you look at Lotus and in one second you know she's dressed as a bellydancer. You don't know why she is, but she is. In VLR you look at Alice and she's a... what? She doesn't even look like a stripper like Clover kinda does, she just looks retarded.