#every single one of them makes the world a bit less scary

[vulpixelates]

a friend told my wife and i today "thank you for loving me in a way that helps me love myself" and i can't stop thinking about it and tearing up

i love friends, i love friendship, i love comradery between lesbians and the soft, warming romance of sharing yourself with others even when it's hard or scary

[ceilidho]

prompt: you keep seeing apparitions of a dead special forces operative who's been haunting the barracks. (light angst; nsfw) (actual ghost simon riley)

-

War dogs chewed up and spat out by the machinery of war.

It is an incalculable blow to learn of his death. Worse still that you learn of it by happenstance, one officer talking to another, only listening in because it’s been weeks since you’ve seen him and their voices go hushed in that way that makes your ears prick up. You’re sitting at a nearby table in the canteen when someone says the single most devastating words that have ever been spoken near you.

“They weren’t able to recover the whole body, just some of it. Pretty gruesome. Don’t know if you ever met him, but he was an alright guy—pretty quiet. Scary, yeah, but—I don’t know. He was fair. Got the job done though. Soap’s taking it pretty hard.”

You barely breathe at the news. Something is squeezing your heart until it overfills on the other side. 

You walk around base in a daze after that. It’s not anyone’s fault that you aren’t notified—no one was supposed to know. Your whole arrangement with Simon was predicated on the knowledge that it would never be revealed to your commanding officers or the rest of the infantry. Made sense at the time. Makes less sense now when your world is falling apart and you have no way of even requesting Ghost’s dog tags. 

Pain holds you upright like a splint while it also tries to smother you. You crawl back to your barracks after training the recruits, voice a hoarse whisper in your throat. Showers are an optimal place to cry, when maybe you won’t be heard. Grief is not grief when there’s nowhere for it to go. 

Maybe Soap was privy enough to Ghost’s life to know. He doesn’t spend time with you, but you see him once from across the tarmac on a flight out and his gaze lingers on you. There are deep troughs under his eyes, dark even with the distance between you. His posture is still, rigid; despite his uniform being pressed and his hair being cut and gelled into place, there is something singularly heavy weighing him down.

He nods from across the way to you. You grit your jaw and nod back. 

It’s the only time you’ll ever acknowledge it. Soap never seeks you out after that—maybe it’s too painful. Maybe shared pain isn’t always enough. 

The worst is only finding out weeks later that Ghost has been buried. That’s your closure. An offhand comment from an operations officer on a smoke break. Your numb hand flicking a lighter. Rain breaking in the early twilight hours and you stand in it so long that you shiver and shake on your way back to your room. 

Lightning that crackles in the storm clouds, illuminating the place where you just stood outside while you stare from your window. Illuminating someone standing where you just were. You squint, but they round the bend to one of the other buildings before you can make them out. 

Every soldier has a story. Conducting barracks checks on staff duty only to find a soldier with half their jaw missing asking for a cigarette. A marine approaching a soldier asking for his rifle, garbed in a ripped vest from early Iraq. Squad bays known for apparitions, known for hauntings. Figures seen from the trees, the half-shadowed remains of old tanks, burned and hollowed out, suddenly upright and mobile. 

In certain barracks, soldiers won’t even leave their rooms at night to use the washroom. They’d rather piss in old bottles or hold off until morning light altogether. It’s common enough to be joked about, for soldiers to trade stories in the mess over supper, trying to spook each other with the things they’ve seen or claimed to see. 

You can tell the ones who’ve actually seen things from those who haven’t though. The ones who have are often quieter, often only laugh a little. The truth is buried in their inability to fully commit to the bit. It’s the knowing that does that.

Knowing that there are things that death cannot hide. 

The first time you see Simon again, it’s not a homecoming. You know there’s something very wrong. 

It’s 3am and someone’s standing in front of your door. You feel it before you see them, feel something like every single hair on your body standing on end and the sudden lucid thought in the middle of a dream that you need to wake up. That you need to wake up right now. 

Heart racing when your eyes snap open. Sweat already slicking the backs of your knees. You’re lying on your side, hands curled close to your face, and you feel its gaze on you like the heaviest dread you’ve ever felt in your life. You stare at the wall that your bed is pushed up against until you find the courage to roll over.

Just a shape in the dark. A dark shape. Distinct from the rest of the darkness in your room. Tall as it is wide. The slightest motion to it, like breathing or the gentle swaying of the human body when it’s allowed to be loose. 

There’s a lamp on your end table. You flick it on without tearing your eyes away from the dark shape looming by the door, but when light unveils your room, it flickers away like a bad illusion. Just a jacket hung up on the back of the door. Your heart races still. 

When the light goes off, the shadow doesn’t reappear.

It might not be him, but something’s haunting you. You spoon cereal into your mouth in the morning with a shaking hand. It’s the massive shape of a body behind the shower curtain in your private bathroom that has you certain—certain—that someone’s there until you whip it to the side and see only tile wall. You know what you saw though, and you know from the way the top of it peeked over the curtain that it was blond. 

Weeks go by. You’re in a bivy sack and a voice you recognize wakes you up for watch. It’s the same voice that used to rumble low in your ear when you let him into your bed on leave (you always used to take them at the same time, no one the wiser). You’re back on base in your room and something leans its full weight onto your bed. You wake up to him sitting on the edge of your bed, blood dripping from an old wound. Him though, skull mask and all. Eyes shadowed always, black staring at you seeing and unseeing. 

You don’t need to ask what he wants from you. He lumbers around the barracks like a wraith that only you can see. Never truer to his old moniker than he is in death. A civilian worker flirts with you one day and he winds up in the infirmary. Fell down the stairs, another sergeant tells you when you ask. You smile tight, brittle. If only. 

He slips into your bed at night when the lights are shut and you’ve turned over onto your side. You can’t see him, but the bed compresses under his weight like it did when he was alive. He’s still for a minute, stare heavy on you while you lie there motionless, waiting him out. When he finally lays a hand on your hip, you flinch at how normal it feels. Like he didn’t go out and die one day. Like it’s really him at your back dragging a hand down the curve of your hip and over your thigh.

He divests you of your pyjamas the same way he used to in motel rooms, your apartment off-base, his cabin up north that you still have the key to but can’t bring yourself to visit. You let him. Shorts pulled down and kicked to the bottom of the bed, then your underwear. Shirt rucked up so he can fit a big, rough hand over your tit. His hands are solid where they touch you, nothing ghostly about them. He squeezes like the memory of your flesh is half-gone, like he needs to sink himself into you again. 

“Missed…you…” His voice comes like a deep rumble, tectonic plates shifting over the asthenosphere. 

The hand on your breast slides up, over the delicate skin of your throat, over where your pulse goes mad and you dry swallow because there’s nothing in your mouth. Over and up the curve of your cheek, thumb pressing against your lips, curling your top lip up until you’re almost kissing it. Then he lets go, hand coming back down to your hip. 

“Simon, are you—” you start, cut off on a gasp when he lifts your leg over his hip and something presses against your opening. Notches there, sinks in hot inch after hot inch. Head spinning and breath wild when he spears you on his thick length, half-tumbling over you until you’re lying prone on your bed. Simon’s as heavy as you remember, the full weight of him keeping you trapped there. You can only take. You can only draw in a deep breath and let out the softest sounds while he presses in, 

“Had to…come back,” the ghost of your old lover says, growling into your ear. “Couldn’t…leave you here…alone.”

You wonder what’s really behind the mask this time. His hands and dick feel flesh enough, but fear still quivers in your belly because you know that whatever it is pressing you down with a firm hand on your shoulder blade, it’s not fully him. 

You’ve heard of ghosts haunting places but never people. There’s something achingly loyal about the way he fucks you though. It’s dark and hot under him, and he mouths where he can, mask pulled up finally. Not that you can see. Better that you can’t, maybe. Pulsing in and out of your cunt, silent but for his shallow intakes of breath. He feels enormous and terrifying at your back. 

A big arm still clad in his old uniform jacket is braced beside your head. Simon whispers apologies into your hair; that he pulled himself out of a grave for a second time because he couldn’t untangle his soul from yours, but he got it wrong this time around. He didn’t make it in time. 

“I won’t leave you though, love,” he says around kisses laid tender on the nape of your neck. He bites the meat of your shoulder hard enough to leave an imprint of his teeth. “Never gonna leave you.” His words make you slicker, hotter; tightening around him until he snarls and fucks more viciously. A promise you thought he couldn’t keep. 

In the morning, you stare at yourself in the bathroom mirror. You take off your shirt and turn around. There’s a red bite mark on your upper left shoulder and it aches when you touch it.

[slut4thebroken]

Safe

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Pairing | Jonathan Crane x reader

Summary | Your boyfriend just wants to keep you safe… by any means necessary.

Warnings | Smut, dubcon, attempted? SA (not by Jon), manipulation, walking red flag lol, house wife kink?, praise, painful sex, sub space, crying, dacryphilia, breeding.

Words | 2.3 k

Notes | Finally finished the fic from this lol

Ao3 link | <3

Masterlist

You were kept properly fed and fucked, what more did you need? 

The first time you asked to leave after partially moving in, he was almost offended. He gave you a short “fine, if you want to put yourself in danger, go ahead” and walked away. You didn’t leave, except to occasionally stop by your own apartment. Usually he'd do that for you though. 

The second time, you didn’t ask, you just brought it up. You wondered what he meant by that. “The world— but especially Gotham— is full of people who want to take advantage of you and hurt you. They see your kind heart as a vulnerability they can exploit. Do you understand?” 

“But.. that’s never happened before?” You said meekly. Despite living in one of the most crime ridden cities in America, nothing bad has happened to you yet— you’ve lived a perfectly average life. 

“You were lucky. But that luck will run out. I just don’t want anything to happen to you.” He said, gently brushing your hair behind your ear. “I care about you too much to do that to you, that’s why I’m not forcing you outside.” The way he twisted his words around to make it seem like he wasn’t forcing you to stay inside was completely lost on you. 

“Oh. Thank you, Jon.”

“You’re welcome, angel. I know it’s scary. Would you like me to help you get rid of that fear?” He cooed, making you blush at the implication behind his words. 

He wanted to be gentle with you… but thinking about how scared you’d look in a situation like that made it hard to control himself. He tried not to get too impatient while he ate you out since he knew you needed the preparation… Once your words were becoming a little incoherent as you begged and pleaded senselessly, he decided you were ready enough. You still struggled to take him, but that wasn’t much of a surprise. You didn’t dare say anything though because of how desperate you were to please him, not wanting to ask him to wait even longer for what he needed. 

“Do you know what those men want to do to a sweet thing like you?” He said, his thrusts slowing into a rocking motion. “They want to take every last ounce of innocence and kindness you may have. And do you know how they’ll do that, my love?” You shook your head, trying to focus on his words and not the feeling of his cock inside you. “They’ll fuck every single one of your holes until they either get bored or interrupted. But they won’t be gentle with you, like I am.” The thought of them being less gentle than Jon was almost unfathomable. You whimpered and bit your lip, not wanting to think about something like that. “No..” He chuckled quietly. “Animals like that don’t care about you. You’re just a set of holes to them.” 

“Jon..” You whined, brows furrowing. 

“I’m just trying to help you understand, angel. I’m keeping you safe, why do you always have to question me?” He frowned, making you falter. “I thought you wanted to be with someone who cares about you and your well-being. If you don’t, then maybe we’re not meant for each other,”

“No! No, I- I do want that— want you. I’m sorry for questioning you, Jon. I won’t do it anymore, I promise.” You begged staring up at him through your lashes as your eyes started to fill with tears at the thought of him leaving you. 

“Are you sure, sweetheart? I promise I won’t be mad.” 

“No, I want to be with you. Please.” He wasn’t quiet for long, but it was long enough to make you start rambling out pleas. “I’m sorry for questioning you, I know you’re just trying to keep me safe. Please don’t leave me, Jon.” You whimpered, making him shush you gently. 

“It’s okay, little one. I’ll stay and keep you safe, don’t worry.” 

To really drive the point home, he staged something. He asked you to go to the store for a few things since it would close before he could get off work. You were on your way back, almost to the apartment building, when someone grabbed you, dragging you back into an alley. The bag fell to the ground and he roughly shoved you against the wall, covering your mouth when you started to scream. He pushed you into the wall with his body, his bulge digging into your hip, and as he started ripping off your clothes, all you could do was cry. You didn’t know how else to react. 

Your shirt was discarded to the floor and when he started forcing your bra off, you tried to put up a little bit of a fight, but he just grabbed your neck and slammed your head into the wall. You whimpered at the pain, hands going limp and dropping to your sides. He finally removed the garment and you barely registered the cold air on your nipples. 

“Yeah, look at how fuckin hard they are— You like this shit, don’t you?” He asked smugly, making you shake your head, but you immediately stopped when your vision started spinning. “I bet this pussy’s wet too.” He pushed your skirt up, then roughly cupped your sex over your underwear, making your cries turn into violent sobs. 

“Hey!” His body was suddenly gone, making you collapse to the floor. “Angel?” Your head snapped up once you registered his voice. 

“Jon?” You whimpered, trying to suppress the sobbing. 

“Shh, it’s okay.” He put your shirt back on, then grabbed your bra and the bag before helping you up. Once you were inside his apartment, the crying came back full force. He hugged you and cradled your head, holding you against his shoulder. 

“You’re okay— you’re safe now.” He whispered, holding you tighter. “I’m so sorry, little one. I should’ve never asked you to do that.” He brought you over to the bed and had you lay down. 

“Are you hurt?” He asked, voice thick with something you couldn’t quite discern. 

“My head.” You whimpered, the pain intensifying now that you were thinking about it. He got up to get you some painkillers and water, then laid down next to you and wrapped you up in his embrace. 

“You might have a concussion, so you have to stay awake. Can you do that for me?” You whimpered and shook your head, feeling so incredibly exhausted. “I know you’re tired, but I need you to stay awake. Can you please do that for me?” You wanted to please him so badly that, despite the fact that you were struggling to keep your eyes open, you agreed. All you could think about was what just happened— over and over again. You let out a choked sob and turned your face into his chest to muffle your cries. 

“I was so scared, Jon.” You whimpered, fisting his shirt to ground yourself. 

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I’m so, so sorry.” He whispered, placing a soft kiss on the top of your head. “Let me help you forget.” One of his hands started snaking down your back until he reached your hip. He grabbed you hard enough to make you whimper and moved you to lay partially on top of him. “We need keep you awake too.” He said softly. When you felt his bulge against your stomach, your body started trembling even more intensely. 

“I know this may seem hard, but you know I only want what’s best for you. I would never do anything to hurt you, angel.” You nodded with a sniffle and he gave you a pleased smile, then pulled you into a kiss. His hands roamed your body, making you wince when he dragged his fingers over the scratches on your back just a little too hard. 

He quickly removed your clothes and once you were completely undressed, he rolled both of you over and settled between your legs. With gentle hands, he pushed your hair out of your face and wiped the drying tears from your cheeks. You’ve never looked prettier than right now, your eyes glossy and wide from fear, and your lips trembling, staying slightly parted as you took in ragged breaths. 

“My sweet girl.” He cooed. “I won’t let anything bad happen to you ever again. If that means letting you move in with me fully, then I’m more than willing to make that sacrifice for you.” Your bottom lip quivered as you stared up at him with teary eyes, but your expression showed that you still weren’t completely convinced yet. “It’s up to you, darling. Whatever you need, I’ll do it for you.”

“Thank you, Jonny.” You whimpered and he clenched his jaw when you used the name you only use in a certain headspace with him. He always took advantage of these moments. The ones where you were pliant and needy and too dumb to know what you wanted.  

“Of course… I love you so much, little one.” Your cheeks flushed and you looked away from him, embarrassed. He knows how those words affect you which is pretty much the only reason he says them. He cares for you obviously— he’d kill anyone who’d lay a finger on you… except the people he hires for that— but he doesn’t love anyone. Not even you.

“I love you, Jonny.” You whined. He leaned down to kiss you as he worked on opening his pants and removing his cock, making you let out a startled moan when the tip brushed your folds. It took a little more force than usual because he’s been hard since he saw you in the alley and he couldn’t give two shits about foreplay right now. When he finally breached your opening, you let out a pained whine that was overshadowed by his groan. 

“Every time feels like the first time I fucked you.” He said through a breath, leaning his head into the crook of your neck as he panted quietly. “So fucking tight and hot and wet… best little cunt I’ve ever felt.” He moaned quietly. 

“Jon…” You whined and he could practically feel the blush on your neck. 

“I’m sorry, angel, I can’t help it. You feel so incredible, you deserve to know how good you make me feel.” He didn’t let you try to respond before slowly dragging his hips back until only the tip was inside, then forcing his cock back in just as slowly. He got lost in the feeling of slowly rutting into you, your whimpers music to his ears as you just laid there and took it. 

“If you decide you want to stay with me, you won’t even have to go outside— I’ll take care of everything for you.” He cupped your cheek as his eyes bored into yours. “All you’ll have to do is clean up around the house, have a warm meal ready when I get home, and take my cock whenever I need. You won’t have to worry about anything else.” He promised. 

You nodded, staring up at him as your bottom lip trembled. He could tell you were still in pain, but you were already fucked dumb enough that you either didn’t feel it or didn’t care. 

“What else did he do to you? Did he touch you?” He rasped, trying not to sound too eager as he snaked a hand down to rub your clit. Your shaking intensified and you let out a quiet whimper as you nodded again. “Where?” You whined and looked away from him. He could tell you wanted to stay quiet, but his tone showed that he was expecting a response. 

“There a-and… my chest.” 

“I’m so sorry, angel… Were you scared?” He was getting close now. 

“Yes.. I thought— I…” You cut off with a strangled sob and he used his free hand to cup your cheek again. Your crying picked back up and tears were streaming down your face, making his cock throb almost painfully.  

“I know, sweetheart. It’s okay, it’s over now.” Despite his words, you continued crying. Because it wasn’t over. He knew you weren’t in the mood, but he also knew that you were too stupid to realize that right now. You were too stupid to realize he was just finishing what that man started. 

His hand moved down to roughly grope your tits as his fingers picked up on your clit. You were practically frozen beneath him. You weren’t grabbing his hair or clinging to his shoulders like you normally would. You were just laying there limply, taking his cock like a good little girl should.  

“I’m so close, angel. Just a little longer.” He said through a breath. You were whimpering and moaning quietly because of how rough he was being, and he couldn’t help but smile at how pretty you looked. Your lashes were damp with tears as you continued crying, your brows scrunched together from all of the physical and emotional pain you were enduring… 

With one final thrust, he fully buried his cock inside you and let out a low groan as his head fell downward, resting in the crook of your neck. He removed his hand from your clit and wrapped his arm under your shoulders and head, hugging you tightly, making your whimpers and cries get a little louder. He reveled in the way your body was trembling and the way your cunt was practically suffocating his cock because of how tense you were. Grunting quietly, he rode out the rest of his orgasm, only loosening his grip on your body once his cock stopped twitching. 

“Good girl.” He whispered, placing a tender kiss on your neck. He waited until his heavy breathing returned to a normal level, then pulled back to look at you. “I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you ever again.” He said softly. “I’m going to keep you safe, little one. I promise.” Safe from everyone but himself. 

I edited the taglist post so pls take a look ty <3

(For the record, this ⬇️ is why I’m changing the taglist system lmao. It’s just too much😭 This is going to be the last fic (except ongoing fics) that’ll have a taglist fyi)

Taglist

@pedrisgatorade @lunyyx @faebirdie @idkdudsworld @nashja @rentaldarling @theoraekenslover @kaorisakamotofan @scorpiussage @naevisct @jimmywoosimp @cillianscrybaby @vivvive @ceruleanrainblues @mrkdvidal1989 @brooklynscherry-z @ohmysatansstuff @monsterfromthewoods @aviamulier @d1lf-loverthinqs @butlersluvbot @miyababby @n1ghtw1ngslver @mandowhatnow @baekhyunstruly @nashja @xxorazz @halleysc6met @crunchsworld @babaohhhriley @deceitfuldevout @gentyleman @lorelais-world @shroombloom-rry @pinguwrites @thatonesinglefriend @bernelflo @milktert @nyxxie.pooh @butterfly-lies-chase-them-away @milkytomura @bigbossbabysworld @sheisthedxrkness @ll4n4 @olivialveshbc @feyresqueen @charlottegemyngende @ffionspreach @drcranessweetestdoe @goblinjnr @1nterstellarcha0s @mothhball @anonwrtr @venustusjuliet8 @cillianslvt @bluujaiwrites @jayroytodd @harleyql @lokabrenna0801 @hanawrites404 @soo-woop @sewmxx @havkjhdecs @trumanbluee @twasbrillig71 @punkiebuttons

[onlyjaeyun]

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐓𝐋𝐘 𝐁𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒 – 𝟐𝟕

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐖𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍: 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐩 (𝟏)

↬ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐉𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐱 𝐅𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

↬ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬!𝐀𝐔, 𝐂𝐄𝐎!𝐉𝐚𝐲, 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐲!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

↬ 𝐜𝐰: 𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐞𝐫-𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐛𝐯𝐬𝐞, 𝐩𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚 𝐜𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫

↬ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 𝟓.𝟐𝐤 (not proofread!)

↬ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬: 𝐓𝐰𝐨 𝐩𝐞𝐨𝐩𝐥𝐞, 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬, 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬, 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐩𝐢𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐢𝐭𝐲. 𝐀 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐢𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐚 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐲 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐚 𝐬𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚 𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐡 𝐚𝐢𝐫 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐒𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐥'𝐬 𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐮𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐂𝐄𝐎.

"Is this your first time on a private jet? You seem so nervous."

Jongseong says playfully, his eyes roaming your pretty face as he allows himself to take in your side profile and every little detail of it.

You've been staring out of the little window for the past five linutes, nervously fidgeting with your jewelry and desperately trying to find a comfortable position in your large seat.

And despite the fact that Jay's more than just aware of your current emotional state, he can't get over how good you look in his private jet. It's like he chose it to fit you and your visuals all those years ago and for a moment he actually loses himself in the mental image of flying you around the world.

But, just as usual, all those thoughts and fantasies will remain nothing but illusions. Considering the fact the CEO's been trying his best to come up with a way to tell you about what he's been up to these past few days, Jay's had no choice but to accept every single one of your possible reactions. The ones where you don't hate his guts and actually stay by his side are his least favorite, simply because they give him false hope and his heart can't take any more of that.

Jay's very much aware, why his actions are morally wrong and even if he doesn't actually regret them, he wholeheartedly understands why you'd eventually react the way you probably will.

But regardless ofyour reaction, Jay always stands true to his words, so no matter what, he'll make sure to fight for you until the day you devote your whole life to someone else and even after that, he'll forever hold you close to the most sacred parts of his heart.

The longer he looks at you, the more he loses himself in the sweet embrace of your presence and the mere thought of having to let go of you hurst his soul but at the end of the day it's nobody's but his own responsibility to take.

As you turn to look at him with those pretty eyes of yours, Jay feels himself ringing with his own conscience as the urge to keep you safe and protected from the things he's been dealing with overwhelms him but he knows he has to tell you.

"I've actually never been on a plane before", you reply and chuckle nervously, your words surprising your boss and for a moment you feel slightly ashamed, only for all those worries to disappear as soon as Jay's lips stretch into a gentle smile.

"It's overrated, really", he says and from the honest expression in his eyes you know he's serious, "it might be a little scary at first but once we're in the air it's quite nice."

"Thank you for the reassurance, Sir", you sigh and finally feel your body relax, yet there's still this little bit of tension lingering in your muscles.

"Do you want me to sit next to you? Maybe that'll make you feel a little less anxious", Jongseong hesitates a little with his offer, just because he doesn't want to make you uncomfortable.

He knows you're basically dating Kim Jiwoong at this point, his friends have made sure to let him know about every single picture you've posted in relation to him and Hao's been quite enthusiastic about the two of you and even if he hates your boyfriend's guts, he'd never want you to think he doesn't respect you and your relationship.

On top of it all, to you, he's still just your boss, no matter how much he wants to change that, he'll have to accept it for now.

"Unless you don't feel comfortable then–", "Yes, please, Sir", you suddenly blurt out and look at him with big, glossy eyes and for a moment the whole world comes to a stop.

Jay has bever seen eyes as pretty as yours and with every passing minute of your little plea echoing in his head, he feels like he's going absolutely crazy.

Without another word, Jongseong casually gets up just to plop into the big seat right next to yours, a big smile on his lips as he finds comfort in the thought of you associating him with safety and protection.

That's all he wants. To protect you and keep you safe, to heal your wounds and take care of you the way you deserve it. There's this urge in the depth of his chest which becomes more and more unbearable as time passes.

You have absolutely no idea what's going on in your boss's head as your gaze shifts to meet his, yet the way his eyes are filled with nothing but adoration and gentleness has your heart skipping a beat.

This can't happen.

Not when you've actually started accepting the way things are between the tweo of you.

Not when you've finally come to the point where admiring and adoring him from afar has imprinted itself onto your brain.

Not when you've barely stopped yourself from falling in love with him.

You're quick to avert your gaze again, too scared of possible consequences it might come with and as you turn away from him, you miss the wave of disappointment washing over his features.

But it's okay. Jay know you're not quite there yet. He knows you need time even if he's currently running out of just that.

With a soft sigh, you watch the pretty stewardess politely greeting the two of you before she offers you something to drink and then proceedss to fo through the security checks with you.

You're not even necessarily scared about flying, but the general concept of something so big and heavy flying in the air with absolutely no problems sends shivers down your spine.

As the engine of the plane starts, you feel all the colour disappearing from your face, your hands tightening their grip on the seat as you try to prepare yourself for what's to happen.

You have no idea what to expect, yet the last thing your mind would have ever come up with is the suddenly feeling of Park Jongseong's big hand gently pulling yours away before intertwining your fingers with his own.

With your brows raised in surprise, your head basically shoots into his direction and all of a sudden, this very familiar feeling of being absolutely safe and protected overwhelms you.

"Tell me about the boys from your block", he suddenly says and smiles at you encouragingly, "it'll distract you and if it gets too much, just squeeze my hand, okay? Can you do that for me?"

For some reason, the softness of his usually so stern voice sends a jolt of hot arousal into the lower regions of your body and if it wasn't for the anxiety crippling up in your bones, you would have pressed your thighs together to just get rid of that awful tension in your cunt.

"Yes, Sir", you whisper and subconsciously mimic the way Jay's deeply inhaling and exhaling, his action essily calming your strained nerves and before you can give it another thought, you find yourself rambling about those few boys you've come to love and appreciate in the past three years.

You tell him about Doyeon and Seyeon, two brothers whose parents have abandoned them after their seperation, who have basically worked extra hard for everything they've achieved in all these years of being alone.

Of course you don't forget about Woohan, the young boy who has amde it his mission to interrogate every single guy who comes to pick up his favorite noona, just to make sure she doesn't get her heart broken again.

A little hesitant yet still enthusiastic do you start talking about the three oldest boys who have actually gotten into several physical fights with your ex boyfriend when he refused to accept your decisions and still showed up at your doorstep.

Jay never once looks away from your face, he takes in everything you say and saves it in the back of his mind as he can't help but adore you even more for the devotion and love you have for those kids.

By the time you start rambling about the other kids, the stewardess suddenly comes back and lets you know that taking off your seatbelts is okay now and with your brows furrowed in confusion you look at your boss, who's still firmly holding your hand.

"We're in the air now", he chuckles and gently caresses the back of your hand with his thumb, "you did so good for me. I'm proud of you."

His words hit you like a tonne of bricks, right in the stomach.

It takes you a whole minute to regain your composure because you've never been praised before. There's not an ounce of faux sympathy behind his words, every single one of them is honest and genuine.

He's actually proud of you.

"T-Thank you so much, Sir", your voice is a mere whisper and for a moment you actually contemplate whether or not to just crawl onto his lap and stay like that for the rest of your life.

You just know his hugs feel like the comfort of a home you've never had.

"You know you can call me Jay or Jongie, whatever you feel more comfortable with", he suddenly says and gently pulls his hand away from yours, not ready to push his luck, "but I don't mind the Sir either. Please, just know you're one of the few people who can call me whatever they want."

Yeah, at this point Jay's definitely not referring to his own name anymore.

You might think it's about all the formalities, when in reality there's a very specific yet oh so forbidden title flying around in his head and since your very first day, Jong's been daydreaming about hearing you call him just that.

Yet another fantasy he'll have to keep hidden in his heart and his mind forever.

"I know", you sigh and push your lips into a pout, "I just respect you a lot and it feels weird calling you by your name. I promise I'm trying my best!"

You chuckle softly and play woth the hem of your skirt, not realising just how much Jay is currently enjoying the close proximity of the two of you.

"I know you are, Y/N. You always do", he replies calmly and the longer he looks at you, the more his heart breaks as he thinks about how this might be one of your last conversations.

He's definitely going to miss your voice. But also the enthusiasm in everything you say as well as your precious smile.

"Have you looked at the menu yet? I know you were too nervous to have breakfast so don't hesitate to choose multiple dishes", Jongseong says and leans back in his seat, throwing his head back to calm his racing, aching heart only for the pain to get even worse.

The following hour is filled with random conversations about your mutual friends as well as both of you checking E-Mails, responding to a few and setting up a schedule for the next week. Jongseong actually manages to keep you busy enough to the point where the landing basically rushes past you.

Neither one of you gets the time to settle into the apartment first as you barely make it on time to your first meeting of the day due to traffic.

Once the third and last meeting of the day rolls around you're utterly exhausted. You've been the one to set up and organize his schedule for the past four months and despite recently starting to follow him around as his personal assistant, you would have never expected it to be even more exhausting and stressful than the ones in Seoul.

The thought of Jay working so hard all the time breaks your heart because from Yeonie's as well as Sunghoon's stories you can tell he barely has time for himself.

And as you find yourself in the backseat of the company car right next to him, you can't help but let the urge to take care of him and take some off the pressure and weight off his shoulders take over you.

Not even in a sexual manner but rather being there for him, showering him in affection and words of affirmation, giving him the energy and attention he deserves and just being his personified comfort.

Unfortunately those thoughts will forever remain nothing but part of your daydreams.

Once the two of you make it to his apartment, you feel the exhaustion of your twelve hour day finally get the best of you and all you can think about is taking a nice shower and them jumping into a bed which probably costs more than your monthly rent.

Jay casually greets the people in the lobby with a stern smile, his phone pressed against his ear as he waits for his mother to pick up and for some reason you can't help but feel slightly envious.

You wish you had a parent to call at the end of a day like this and the more you listen to the heartwarming conversation between your boss's and his mum, you feel this very familiar heaviness pn your chest returning to its place.

"This is your room", Jay suddenly whispers as soon as you pass one of the two bedrooms at the right end of the big hallway and with a grateful nod you thank the portier for his help and push your suitcase into your assigned bedroom.

You'd lie if you said watching Jongseong open the door to the room right across from yours didn't surprise you but for some reason you're not nearly as uncomfortable as you initially thought you'd be.

Knowing yourself the exhaustion and tiredness of today is gping to be enough to keep those stupid nightmares away and hopefully give you a full night's sleep.

After inspecting the room as well as the bathroom, which easily leaves you stunned with their sheer size, you're just about to take off your sweater when the sudden but gentle knock on your door startles you.

"I know you just want to rest but there's something I need to talk to you about", Jongseong says through the door and maybe it's the tone in his voice or maybe the choice of words but regardless of the reason, it triggers your anxiety and within a single second your heart starts thrumming in your throat.

You make your way to the door, yet can't even get yourself to focus as you try to think of possible reasons why Jongseong might be upset with you. You start going through every single meeting, every sentence, every single word you've uttered the past few hours just to realise that this was by far one of your best days on the job and that might be exactly why you're even more nervous.

While you're desperately trying to read his tone, Jongseong's about to throw up from the anxiety and pain boiling in his blood.

He's never felt like this before.

Everything he's done in his life he stood behind. Every decision, every action, every sentence, every word. So why is it that he'd rather set himself on fire than owning up to his actions and dealing with the consequences this time?

Maybe because this time he actually has someghing – someone to lose.

Maybe because this time he's going to be the reason for your pain and your tears.

Maybe because this time he's going to turn into his biggest nightmare.

But no matter what, he has to tell you about this. If he really wants you to know how much he cares about you and your well being, there's absolutely no going back from this.

Yes, he did what needed to be done all while being fully aware of your possible and understandable reaction, but none of that makes this any easier.

As soon as you swing open the door, Jay lets his eyes roam your face; the fesr and nervousness in your besutiful, soft features make his heart drop into his stomach and with a soft sigh he accepts his defeat.

"Don't be nervous, you haven't done anything wrong. You did excellent today." The words of reassurance leave his lips before his brain can overthink them and Jay actually hates himself for giving you yet another glimmer of hope just to shatter it all with his confession.

"Okay", you finally let out the breath you didn't realise you were holding in, "come in, please."

Jongseong watches the way you lead the way to the little couch on the other side of the room, patting the empty seat next to you with the sweetest smile on your lips and for a moment he actually considers keeping this little secret to himself just a little longer.

He can tell how much you're struggling to read his body language and he's unapologetically glad about it. He doesn't want you to see how miserable and pathetic he feels.

"Do you remember what happened the night of Sunghoon' birthday, Y/N?"

That's good. A question to start the conversation and see just how much you remember might make leading it into the right direction a little easier.

Might.

"Not really", you reply shyly, a little embarrassed yet aware that Jay would never judge you. Call it a gut feeling.

You carefully watcv your boss shift in his seat, he's already gotten rid of his jacket and the vest, leaving him in a simple white dress shirt and the fact he's rolled up his sleeves does not help your chaotic mind at all.

Why did he have to be so fucking attractive anyway?

"You were quite drunk, so I thought it'd be best if I brought you home so I did. Dohyun helped me bring you inside and once I lay you onto the couch, I thought you had fallen asleep but you had actually started crying."

Jongseong tries to stay as neutral about it as possible, simply because he doesn't want you to feel embarrassed or ashamed but from the way you suddenly hide your face behind your hands, he obviously didn't do a great job at that.

"No, stop", he quickly says and reaches for your wrists before wrapping his own around your hands and pulling them into his lap, "it's okay, really."

"I feel so ashamed", you whisper and feel the tears pricking at the corners of your eyes, "I'm so sorry, Sir."

"Don't. Tears aren't something to be ashamed of", Jong's rather fast to stop you from overthinking his words, something he's been doing a lot more than you had realised these past few weeks.

"What I'm about to say isn't about the fact you cried, it's the reason for your tears", he explains and for the first time since the two of you had met, Jay actually looks away first as the shame now gets the best of him.

"Oh", you say and attentively let your eyes roam his side profile, the pretty little birthmark on his neck catching your attention the way it always does and beforr you can kose yourself in thoughts of kissing it, you pull yourself back into reality.

"You kept talking about your brother and how the things he's said are true", Jay finally manages to say, the words heavy on his tongue, the anger and wrath for your family even heavier on his chest, "and I really need you to listen to me first before making any decisions, okay? Please, Y/N, hear me out first and then you can hate me as much as you want."

"W-What? Why would I hate you, Jay?"

Your voice is small and fearful. His words and the lack of eye contact genuinely scare you because if you didn't know what to expect when he knocked on your door a few minutes ago, you're even more clueless now.

How could your mental breakdown about your brother's behavior possibly lead to a reaction like this from him?

"Because I – fuck – I did something I'm not proud of. I take full responsibility and accountability for my decisions and don't regret any of them because I know I did it all for you. To protect you, to keep you safe."

In response to those words your heart slams into the bottom of your stomach and you subconsciously dig your nails into his skin, yet not letting go of his hands as you crave his presence now more than ever.

"J-Jay, what are you talking about?"

The confusion and fear of what's to hit you breaks his heart into thousands of pieces but he knows he has to do this.

He has to.

He can't build anything on lies. He's not his father. He has to keep it absolutely real and honest with you or he'd be nothing but a cheap copy of the man he's despised all his life.

"I care about you a lot more than you think, Y/N", he whispers and for the first time in months, he feels tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, his heart breaking agonisingly slowly for the tenth time within just a few minutes, "and not just in a boss-employee kind of way."

If it wasn't for the feeling of his warm skin against yours and his beautiful face so close up to yours, you would have actually believed this current situation to be a dream.

How the fuck did you go from being exhausted and tired to adrenaline pumping through your veins because your boss, the one who's not only rejected you before but whom you've been trying to forget about for weeks, is basically confessing to you right then, right there.

But for some reason you can't let yourself indulge in the relief and happiness filling the tiniest bits of your heart; the air too heavy and intense.

"Jay, I don't understand what's going on", you whisper and finally allow the tears to find their way down your cheeks, "you rejected me."

"I know, Baby, I fucking know", Jay suddenly hisses through gritted teeth, his anger belonging to nobody but himself for making you go through this when he could have been more mature about this literally three weeks ago, "but I only did it because I thought it's the best for the both of us."

"You broke my heart", you breathe and move to pull your hands away from his grip, only for him to scoot closer with them still in his own, "I thought you didn't want me because I'm not enough."

"W-What?"

Jongseong never knew a single human bei g could experience this much pain from just a few words but your honest confession has shown him a whole new level of torture.

"I thought I was–", you bite back a soft sob, barely able to hold it together as the memories from that night start flooding back into your head, "not pretty enough. Not hardworking enough. Not good enough. I thought you rejected me because I'm not a girl like – Shiah or Miyeon."

Hearing those names from you actually makes his broken heart skip a few beats and i that exact moment Jay decides to devote his whole life to make sure thoughts or doubts like that never, ever cross your precious mind again.

"Oh, angel girl", Jong sighs and wraps his fingers around your arm, gently pulling you closer to his body snd before he can even initate it, you find yourself straddling his lap.

Everything you've been holding back these past few weeks, all those bad thoughts and doubts, emotions and words are finally getting the best of you and as you bury your face in the crook of Jay's neck, you feel the burden finally being lifted from your shoulders. And your chest.

"I've never, ever seen a woman like you, Baby", Jay whispers into your ear, one of his big hands gently caressing your back as the other massages your scalp and for a moment everything about your current position feels like a dream.

You've only given him your hand once, on your first day. And yet here you are, comfortably seated in his lap.

And nothing has ever felt as good and right as this.

"Yes, you're not like them and that's exactly what's driving me crazy about you. Please, forgive me for ever putting those doubts into that precious brain of yours."

And just as usual, you can't find it in you to doubt his words and the meaning behind them. Jongseong doesn't lie and you know this.

"Look at me, Baby", Jongseong breathes softly, his heart hammering against his chest as his body finally processes the fact that you're actually sitting on his lap, "come on, I wanna look at your perfect face."

You hesitate a little, too aware of your tears and too overwhelmed by his confession.

Your body isn't playing along and your brain's a complete mess. All you want to do is fall asleep exactly like this, yet you also can't get yourself to deny his gentle request.

"There you go, that's my good girl", Jay gulps harshly as the words leave his lips, he knows he's overdoing it but he doesn't scold himsemf for it as he knows this won't last and he has no choice but to make the best of it.

"My pretty girl", a soft sigh hits your face and you finally allowe yourself to mimic him as you lift your hands to take his perfectly sculptured face into your palms, "I'm so sorry I'm making you go through this. I did something unforgivable."

"N-No", you say quickly and shake your head, too captivated by just how much pretuerwhe is this close up, "it's okay. We can work through this if you still if want to."

You pause a little before looking back up into his eyes again.

"If you still want me."

The way Jong starts nodding his head almost hysterically startles you, but doesn't fail to ease thw heaviness on your heart at the same time.

"I want you so bad, Baby", Jay gulps again, thsi time barely swallowing his tears, "but I know you won't want me once you know what I've done."

Yet again, a wave of confusion hits you.

"I thought you meant the rejection", you say and look at him with a blurry vision, "what else – have you done?"

A beat of silence fills the room. The tension is thicker, heavier, stronger than ever and for the nth time within just a few hours Jay feels the urge to simply run away and never look back. But how could he ever leave you, his precious girl, behind?

"After you cried in my arms about the things your brother has been telling you about, Sunghoon told me you don't have any contact to anyone in your family so I've had someone look into your family because I wanted to know what you've had to deal with."

And in that particular moment, you can actually hear the shattering of your heart before the sharp pain rushes through your veins.

You feel yourself freezing in the midst of your touch, tears simply running down your cheeks as the feeling of betrayal overwhelms you.

Yet, different than you would have expected from yourself, you actually manage to mutter the first question that pops up in your completely empty brain.

"W-Why?"

"Because", but the words stay stuck in his throat as a veil of tears blurr his vision at the realisation that he's actually lost you now.

"Answer me, Jongseong", you say, your voice still as small as ever, your heart too broken for your body to raise it's volume and all of a sudden the feeling of sheer mental and emotional exhaustion finds its way back into your veins.

"Because I wanted to hurt them."

And there it is. Nothing but the actual truth.

Something he's yet to admit to himself because even if your safety and protection are and will forever remain his number one priority, the urge to revenge your pain has made itself comfortable rathee high up that list.

"What?"

This time, that tiny word holds actual confusion.

What does he mean? What is that supposed to mean? Why would he, someone who doesn't even know your brother's name, hurt him? All because you cried because of him?

"They hurt my Baby and I wanted to hurt them back. Every single one of them. Every single one of your brothers. I wanted to destroy their lives and have them regret the way they treated you for the rest of it. I wanted to take revenge for you, Baby", the last word is nothing but a whisper.

"But – wait – you know what they've done to me? What they've put me through? How – did you have someone hack into my phone? Be fucking honest with me, Park Jongseong."

All this time Jong's been craving to hear his name from your lips but now he actually despises it. All this anger and disappointment in your voice makes him hate his own name and everything it stands for.

Yet, just as he's told himself, there's now backing out of this.

It's the truth and nothing but the truth from now on.

"No", he says quickly, and looks at you with teary eyes, "I had him look into your family only. Their financial, medical and criminal records, no chats or phones and any other devices."

"Wow", you breathe and pull away from him yet for some strange reason you don't feel the need to get off of his lap.

No matter how hurt you are, you're not quite ready to let go of this feeling just yet.

"I'm sorry", Jay finally apologizes, "I know I should have just asked you but after hearing you cry so much and talking about yourself like that I just couldn't help it. You're – just the thought of people hurting you has my blood boiling."

"You just hurt me", you say and hate how your bottom lip suddenly starts shaking as another row of tears find their way to freedom, "I just – feel so betrayed, Jongie."

His name is drowned in one of your soft sobs but to his surprise, you don't pull away even further but rather bury your face back into his neck.

Maybe he hasn't lost you after all.

"I know, angel girl", he sighs and allows his own tears to stream down his temples as he throws his head back and pulls your closer against his strong chest, "I'm so fucking sorry."

"S-Sorry isn't enough."

A few moments filled with nothing but the sound of your sobs fill the silent space of the room, each one slashing a knife through his heart and pushing him even deeper into the pain of hurting you, his most precious treasure.

Telling you how he feels wasn't supposed to be like this.

Jong loses track of time as he tries his best to calm you down and by the time your cries finally die down, he notices the steady movement of your upper body and the lack of motion in your limbs.

You cried yourself to sleep.

In his arms.

Because of him.

← 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 — 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 — 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 →

(A/N: the promised cliffhanger BUT dont worry, next chap's written too so i'll give y'all exactly what asked for 🫣 thank you so much for all the love babies, you're truly the best! feedback and reblogs are always appreciated!🩷🧸)

TAGLIST CLOSED: @soonigiri @xrr-s4sha @kwiwin @heelcvr @deobitifull @kpoprhia @doodlelibrary @abrazosolorcereza @certifiedmoa @sleeping-demons @heerinnie @ohmy-moonlightx @heeswif3y @hoonieluv @fakeuwus @jjaeyuns @cheybabey @ineedsomezzz @super-amberlynn @kshoshi @tinie03 @soiimo @mimikittysblog @primroselover @heebrry @jebetwo @donghyckl @07myonlylove @enhamysunshines @quemirasboboandapaya @lostwonderwall @seuomo @enhaz1 @teawithbucky @beomgyusonlywife @dammit-jjk @lhsvibez @azurez @boutyouwonu @finchyyy @ocyeanicc @jaylaxies @glitterssim @in-somnias-world @zerasari @spookyauthorspopmusictrash @capri-cuntz @fluerz @3amstarlight

[bunwritesss]

My Pain Will Range From Up, Down And Sideways

Summary : Daryl is used to face his migraines alone, with the few pills he can find here and there. And when he has to go through one without any meds at his disposition, he finds you.

Genre : Hurt/Comfort

A/N : Hi! Welcome to the very first oneshot I am posting here! I already wrote some that are posted on my AO3 account, and I will probably be posting them here too! I am using these oneshots to practice my english as it is not my native language, so I apologize for the mistakes in advance 💕 Hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I loved writing it! Have a nice day/night! 🥰

Living in the apocalypse was hell. You all had to give up hot showers, comfort, and safety in order to survive. And at some point, Daryl came to realize he would have to give up his cherished pills as well. The only ones able to calm the pounding inside his head, during his frequent migraines. He had went into every single store around, hoping to find some, but it had already been stolen by other survivors.

So he came to keep his very last pill in the bottle, refusing to take it. Maybe because the idea of a world without any trace of the only thing able to calm him down was too scary, too overwhelming for him. Maybe because he kept it for a very hard one. Whatever the reason was, the noise made by the single pill in the plastic bottle at every single step he took was slowly but surely driving him crazy. And it took a single look at his strained face, his pale complexion and his red eyes for you to guess what was happening.

He usually waited a while before giving up and taking a pill, but for some reason he didn't this time. You looked in disbelief as he was grunting in pain, trying to act like everything was fine.

So you dropped your axe on the floor and slowly approached him, a cautious smile on your lips.

'Daryl, you alright?'

He nodded, his eyes not meeting yours.

'Are you having another one of these migraines?'

' 'm fine.'

He waited for a few seconds and started walking away from you.

'I can help you feel better!'

He stopped dead in his tracks, turning to you with hopeful eyes.

'You can?'

You winced. Considering how quickly he folded, the pain must have been unbearable. The Daryl you knew would have told you to go to hell, that he wasn't a child and did not need to be fussed over. He watched as you nodded, taking his wrist in your hand and leading him to your cell. He was different than usual, more...pliant. Letting you manhandle him without any resistance. You prompted him to sit on your bed, setting the drapes you used at curtains on the bars of your cells, both to prevent light from entering your room, and to hide the bars from Daryl's view. You knew how much he hated feeling caged. And to be completely honest, you hated it too.

'Avoiding light and loud noises helps a lot making migraines feel less painful.' You explained as you sat on the bed, slowly bringing his head to your lap.

He nodded, still grunting. His forehead was covered in sweat and he had been feeling on the verge of tears since it began, menacing to let them drop everytime you said or did something nice to him. Your soft touch felt foreign on his battered skin, and he swore he never heard a tone as soft as the one you took to explain him what you were going to do.

'I'm gonna try and massage your head, it used to make mine go away within an hour. Something about making the tension leave your skull, I guess.'

You felt him tense as you started touching him, and immediatly removed your hand.

'Are you okay with that?'

'As long as ya can make it go away.' He shrugged.

You bit your lip.

'I'm scared I cannot make it go away, but it'll definitely be less painful!'

He did not reply and you put your hands back on both sides of his skull, as he finally put the full weight of this head on your lap. Your thumbs traced gentle circles on both sides, pressing just enough to ease the tension in his head. He slowly warmed up to your touch, his whole face relaxing. You kept massaging his head, mindlessly humming the chorus of a song that had been stuck in your head since you wake up, moving your thumbs from his temples to his forehead.

'Yer good at this.'

You smiled, confident in your magical powers. You had always been excellent at making the pain of other people go away, it was one of your biggest talent.

'I know.' You replied, proudly.

He snorted at the confidence, immediatly wincing as the pain came back tenfold.

'Sorry.' You mumbled apologically, Daryl smirking at your pained expression.

You felt so bad for him it almost seemed like you were the one having a migraine. As you rubbed his head, solely focused on making him better, you heard him sighing of contentment, almost leaning into your touch.

'Is your migraine gone?' You asked him, surprised.

'Nah, but it feels good.'

'I'm glad it does.'

You smiled at him even though he couldn't see it through his closed eyes. You continued the massage for at least half an hour, the grunts of pain becoming rarer and rarer, and your back hurting more and more as you were leaning on him. And finally, as you readjusted your position to make yourself more comfortable, Daryl opened his eyes.

'I think it's gone.'

'Yay!' You exclaimed, careful to avoid being too loud.

His face flushed as he seemed more conscious of the fact he had willingly let another human being touch him for so long, and about how good it felt. You started speaking again, softly, as if you felt how uneasy he was.

'You should sleep. I'll bring you some water too, it helps a lot.'

'I should get back to work-'

'No. You rest.'

Your tone was stern, and he almost chuckled at how serious you looked, raising both his hands in the air in surrender.

'Yes ma'am.'

You waited for him to get into the bed with your hands on your hips, and he caught your eyes with a sincere smile. Although he still seemed embarrassed, he stayed grateful.

'Thank ya for that.'

'Glad I helped.' You smiled sweetly, walking away as he let his head drop on the pillow.

[lackadaisycats]

I love everything of your work, every page is a piece of art, textures, lights, perspective, characters and the script, with perfect balance of hilarious and engaging lore.... It keeps me inspired everyday and gives me the energies to continue my projects. I can't describe the extreme joy your works gives me and I couldn't be more grateful, because it keeps me dreaming and helped me to understand what I want to do in the near future. Thank you so so much \(^ヮ^)/.

I have one question : Do you have any advices for making comics and put them in the world? For some time I had the urge to share my works, but idk what to do :/.

That's exceedingly kind. I'm touched to hear you've enjoyed my work, and if it helped you to understand what creative things you want to do, well, that makes my heart glad. Thanks for sharing that.

Very wordy response to the making and sharing comics question below....

-----------------------

Making comics is a Whole Big Thing as topics go. It's a little difficult to provide salient advice on something so broad. So much of it depends on what you're specifically trying to achieve, and what your preferences are as an individual. Here are a few bulletpoints, though:

-- Make the comic about things you love unabashedly so that it's fun and engaging to work on. It will still be difficult - it's always difficult - but you're more likely to keep doing the work it if you're in love with it.

-- Don't put off starting until you're 'good enough'. Good Enough is a fantasy place, and Perfect is a big lie. You'll never find either and pursuing them easily turns into eternal procrastination. Get started while the fire is burning, because getting good at something happens while you're actually doing the thing, and less so while you're thinking about maybe doing it. Try to be at peace with the idea that your work will be flawed. All art is. That's what makes it interesting.

-- Try to work with your strengths, not against them. Comic making is already immensely challenging. I'd suggest not making it extra impossible by demanding an entire personality change of yourself in order to do it. For example, if you tend to have intense but short-lived interest in things, don't torture yourself by embarking on a project that is going to take years-long, single-minded devotion. Do an anthology of shorter stories instead of a sprawling epic. Do one-off joke comics, or thoughtful vignettes. Or even break up something longer into short bursts of contained chapters.

-- Don't hurt yourself. Eat right, sleep, get a comfortable chair that's good for your back, get out of that chair and move around at intervals. If something starts aching, stop and rest. If it's aching chronically, see a medical professional. Career ending injuries and health troubles for artists are insidious - they creep up all quiet and mundane while you're busy patting yourself on the back for pulling another all-nighter.

-------------------------

About sharing online - also a tricky topic! The internet has changed a lot since I began Lackadaisy. The advice I could give derived from my personal experiences in publishing and audience building is a relic of a bygone era at this point…but here are some more bulletpoints (er, paragraphs) that I think are generally pertinent:

-- If publishing publicly sounds daunting and a bit scary, dip your toes in the water before plunging in. Do a publishing test run. If there's a Discord community you're comfortable with or a social media platform you use where you can post for mutuals only, maybe try that first. Or just share directly with a handful of people and ask them for feedback. When I'm unsure about something I'm preparing to post, I usually run it by some creator friends of mine because I trust them to be honest with me. Even if they have some criticisms, it's often reassuring that I can proceed to show it to others without dying inside.

-- Places with a big, built in audience can be great for getting eyeballs on your work, but it’s a mixed bag. Webtoon is the obvious example right now. Just be wary of anyone showing a little too much interest, or coming at you with paperwork to sign. Don't rush into putting your name on something that 1) commits you to unreasonable amounts of output for barely livable wages 2) relinquishes your ownership of your IP, or grants anyone any license to your work without clearly defined boundaries (like a limited term and agreement-ending conditions) -- Contract agreements warrant lots of consideration. Involve a lawyer of your own if you can. At the very least, have friends or family read over anything you might sign. And if it sounds too good to be true, it is. Scams are unfortunately abundant, so do your research/due diligence on whoever you're in discussions with.

-- Make yourself easy to find. Use social media to your advantage. Don't feel like you have to be in every single place, though. Some platforms might not be a good fit for your work, and some might be too much of a hassle or a mental drain to do battle with. -- Scrape out your own space online if you're able - a personal web page, a little WordPress/ComicPress site, or even just a link hub so that people can relocate your work if they lose track. The point is to avoid putting your eggs all in single basket that you have no control over. You never know when the social network growth you've been nurturing for the past several years will just succumb to a billionaire rampaging around like a sociopathic kaiju in the midst of the world's most public midlife crisis.

-- Don't worry about being an immediate sensation. Seeing people respond to your work is a wonderful and immensely gratifying feeling at times, but be patient if all hear are crickets chirping for a while. Longform storytelling in particular takes time to catch its momentum, and readers take time to get invested. Meteoric rises and virality do happen now and then, but honestly, slow and steady audience buildup is probably the more sustainable and less psychologically bewildering way to experience the fun of sharing your stuff with the world.

-- Consistently put your identifier (name/watermark, URL, copyright info, or all of these things) on everything you post online.

---------------------- I hope something here is useful, and if you decide to start making and publishing comics, I hope you find much success and happiness in it!

[jimmy-dipthong]

The Japanese language is one of the most indirect languages in the world. There are the obvious examples of this, such as when some customers try to enter a busy restaurant without a reservation and the staff say 難しいですね (”this is tricky…”) instead of simply telling them that there are no seats. However, I've noticed that Japanese’s indirectness may go much deeper than simple euphemism.

Japanese seems to come built-in with ways of avoiding directly addressing your conversation partner.

The Japanese way of expressing things often involves voicing your internal monologue, which means people will say things ostensibly to themselves, even though what they really want is to communicate to the other person. When I first noticed it, I thought it was a bit similar to how some (western) cartoons occasionally handle exposition by having a character mutter something to themselves so that the audience can hear. This can be seen in the following extremely common forms of expression:

Using adjectives as an exclamation

うま！Literal translation: “Delicious!” Semantic translation: “Wow, this is really good”

怖い！Literal translation: “Scary!” Semantic translation: “I’m scared!” or “This place is giving me the creeps”

It could be argued that these single word exclamations may not always be “talking to yourself”. But imo more often than not, they are spoken with the vibe of “I felt this adjective so strongly that the word just slipped straight through my internal monologue and out of my mouth”.

Wondering aloud (かな)

雨降るかな？ Literal translation: “Hmm, will it rain or not?” Semantic translation: “I wonder if it’s gonna rain.”

今夜来るかな？ Literal translation: “Hmm, will [they] come tonight or not?” Semantic translation: “I wonder if they’ll come tonight.”

Compared to the adjective examples, this is less ambiguous. There’s no direct translation for the verb “to wonder” in Japanese - you just wonder aloud! The literal translations sound funny because they only make sense if the speaker is talking to themself.

Explaining stuff to yourself (んだ)

あそこにあったんだ！(context: the listener has just shown the speaker something they were looking for) Literal translation: “There it is!” Semantic translation: “There it is!”

In this example, the literal and semantic translations are the same, because this is a case of talking to yourself in English! If you think about it, it doesn’t make sense to say “there it is” when the person you’re talking to clearly already knows that’s where “it” is. Instead, the phrase serves to convey satisfaction and surprise.

まだ20歳なんだ！(context: the speaker has just found out from the listener that a friend of theirs is younger than they expected) Literal translation: “[She’s] only 20!” Semantic translation: “She’s only 20? That explains so much!”

In this example, んだ is used to mark the sentence as an explanation of something. The listener already knew the friend was only 20, so the aim of the sentence is not to convey new information, it’s to show that some sort of internal reasoning is happening within the speaker’s mind.

In the immortal words of Carly Rae Jepsen:

🎶 Do you talk to me, when you're talking to yourself? 🎶

For every Japanese speaker, the answer is yes!

[new-tella-us]

Aaaaaah, I just remembered the many mental issues that these incubi are definitely facing thanks to their upbringing.

Yknow what that means. Seduce Me Situations! (Cause I'm bored) What are the many mental issues of the incubi and how to both they and Mika deal with them.

Let's get the universal thing out of the way. Daddy Issues. Every single one of these guys has a different flavor of daddy issue.

James- I have already pointed out his perfectionist but it was mostly related to how he sees others. But do not get it twisted, any form of harsh judgement he has about his brothers, he is ten times harsher on himself! He will not allow himself to enjoy a nice afternoon if everything he has to do for the day isn't done and/or everyone he's living with isn't taken care of. He is not good at coping with his, it's how he lived for so long, it's second nature to him. Mika isn't taking that though and has a lot of days set just to take the load off James's shoulders. By god, this man will relax if it's the last thing Mika does.

Erik- What is being honest about your feelings? That's a bit overrated, right? At least, Erik thinks so. It's all about how to get what he needs. He speaks with a clear end goal to the interaction and will say almost anything to get to that end goal. Over time, he will learn to be more honest but he's been this way for so long that he has to rediscover himself. And that's scary. But he's making decent progress. Mika tries to help by simply giving Erik variety. Different activities, different talking points, different locations to be in. It helps Erik know what he likes and dislikes.

Sam- Well obvious thing here is anger issues especially if we're talking about canon Sam. If we include the lore I made specifically, we get an extra issues, identity issues and cynicism! He feels like he's less of his own person and more of just a combination of his mother and father. Plus, he's seen too much violence and has convinced himself that is "the real world" and not just the darkest parts of the world. Naturally, as he's been taken out of that harsh reality, he'll come to soften up but he also has to actively not feed into his confirmation bias. Mika helps by just being a good example of how good people can thrive in the real world. Though, of all the brothers, Sam is like...the second most mentally stable.

Matthew- He has a need to prove himself to others. Also mommy issues. Probably the most mentally stable of the brothers, his issues don't cloud his life as much as it clouds theirs. Though his insecurities do get to him. Being the smallest and physically weakest of the incubi means he over compensated with his magic and reliability. And even with that, Matthew wasn't given as many chances to be reliable. A final insecurity of his would be his jealousy. Mainly of James. In Matthew's eyes, he's just as powerful as James but their father outright dismissed him. He knows that he shouldn't care what his father thinks but even if he hates the guy, parental recognition is what almost every child wants. Mika helps by reminding him of his strengths and that he doesn't need to prove himself to anyone.

Damien- What issues does that boy NOT have?? Mommy issues, daddy issues, jealousy issues, self worth issues, PTSD, body dysphoria. Okay... let me explain that last one. Damien HATES the fact that he's a demon. He feels like demons hurt people while humans are more helpful and get to learn anything they want. He also feels like he, specially, hurts people but he wouldn't be able to if he was human. Does that not sound like dysphoria? The fact that he's no where near as critical of his brothers also helps my theory. Idk, when I've felt dysphoria over some part of me, I never notice it on other people. It's less "this is bad" and more "This is bad on me" and I feel like that's what Damien is. Tbh, I don't think Damien is coping well, he's possessive and keeps most of his issues bottled up. But hey, killing his dad at least brought closure. Mika is gunna help by listening to his issues, providing a safe environment for when he wants to talk and dragging his ass to therapy. She will be there for him but she not prepared to deal with the massive amounts of physical and psychological damage that happened to that boy.

Bonus! MIKA

Cause GOD Mika deserves a break.

Once again Daddy issues. Everyone suffers from it. Mika's is just a different brand of daddy issues. Going by my specific lore, David is a lot nicer to Mika but he still is shit at making it clear that he loves her. Plus he is still trying to get her to become the next CEO. So, like James, Mika's got some perfectionism. Plus her grandfather died and she is not given enough time to grieve before she has to move into his house and go back to school. Plus the boys and all the murderers coming after them. Mika is highly stressed. And, again, going by my lore, she also has mild depression! Yaaaaaay, Mika isn't having a good time. I think all the boys provide her a very similar benefit, a person she feels like she can lean on and trust. Her friends are nice but they'll move away at some point, but the boys are here to stay.

In conclusion- Daddy Issues. All of them have it.

[skyfallscotland]

Ok, part two of nonnie's writer ask!

Out of the comments you’ve received on your fics, what are two or three of your favorites?

There have been a few that have genuinely made me tear up. Any time someone expresses that they saw themselves in my fics is likely to get me emotional because I pour so much of myself into them too.

I'm going to paraphrase some of these because a lot are deeply personal and on top of that, this post would be way too long.

I honestly can't express how thankful I am for every single person who has poured their heart out to me in return. Thanks for making the world feel a little less lonely 🖤

For Fear & Flame:

It was so refreshing to read a character that resembles myself. Especially one who reacts immediately to a threat with aggression. Sometimes it's uncontrollable and I've apologised many, many times to loved ones. I was very pleased to see Remi do the same even when it comes at a personal cost to herself. She's so relatable is scary.

I get the feeling of wanting someone to put you first for once, but also having that dejection by understanding that it would never happen and it hurt my soul to see how much her opinion of herself suffered because of it. I feel like this story has helped me discover some of the roots in my own non-existent feelings of self-worth, so well done for it

As someone with depression and trauma that always lingers, reading a character I can relate to in a world that I’ve become obsessed with, is healing. I love your writing, I cannot wait to see how you make Iron Flame evolve in Remi’s world

For Fury:

I like that Nyx is in love with a normal girl. That you don't picture a white beautiful princess like Sarah J Maas. I like she cries a lot and nobody cares she looks a little bit crazy sometimes. I felt represented by that pic you posted of Tessa. She looks strong and beautiful. Thank you very much for it.

& just for fun, on Siren:

I LOVE THIS AND THE OTHER BOOK I WILL BOW DOWN TO YOU IF I MEET YOU IN PUBLIC

[sentoooo]

[anon: hello! i really love your johnny nsfw hcs!! so could you do nsfw alphabet with thorns from arknights with female reader? gender natural ready are ok!!]

sign me UP, one of my favorite operators of all time!!! i'll try my best, dear reader ;). i hope you dont mind that it's got a little less flair then johnny's, i try to make these alphabet's sort of. hold the personality of the character.

cw: nsfw, afab, mxf, little bit of praise, little bit of edging, not-proofread, whoops :P MINORS DNI.

ɴꜱꜰᴡ ᴀʟᴘʜᴀʙᴇᴛ || ᴛʜᴏʀɴꜱ

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

This man is a SAINT. He's attentive and loyal. Almost immediately once the afterglow has washed over you, he is carrying you to the shower, grabbing some essential oils, Epsom salt, anything he can to soothe your body. And if you have oripathy, he's going to be all the more gentler.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His favorite has to be his hair. Yes, it ends up unkempt more often than not, but he enjoys it that way. He loves it especially when you run your hands through his hair, all soft like. He also loves it when you braid it for him.

His favorite body part of yours is your hands. How delicate they are, soft and smooth. He will always make an effort to hold them. Every damn chance he gets. He loves to hold them especially when your cumming. The way you squeeze his, dig your nails into his skin. Your lingering fingers will always do so much for him, it's hard not to double down then and there.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He will only cum outside of you, even if he wants avoid a mess. Even if you tell him you don't mind him cumming inside. He minds, very much so. And he'll always clean you up after. Always.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Some of those late, late nights he spends brewing up all sorts of potions and poisons? Yeah, he's made one elixir- of sorts- to boost his stamina specifically for you. So he can savor those rare moments he gets to have you.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He's about as experience as any average person is. A couple hook-ups here and there, but he could learn more. He's learned that in this world, there is no need for sexual experience. Not until he meets you, that's when he realizes just how valuable it is. As time goes on, he learns more and more. To the point where he knows exactly how to make you loose your control, every. single. time. It's almost scary.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

He prefers spooning over all, but he also loves how weak he can make you prone. He gets to make you feel all good, all warm, and be as close to you as possible. He will always press himself up to you, he loves skin-to-skin contact. It's something that is a must for him. He loves feeling the vibrations of your moans against his chest. He also especially loves it when you arch your back into him.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He takes sex seriously. Only things coming out of his mouth are praises, moans, and you. Its endearing just how focused he is on you.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He's got some decent body hair, I think. It's hard to find time to shave, really. Some light chest hair, that leads off to a happy trail. Some light arm & leg hair as well. However, he keeps himself clean shaven down there, that's the one thing he has time for.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Fuck. This man? He makes you feel like the only girl in the world. The amount of attention and care he gives you, how he speaks to you, how he does everything just right. He knows your body more then you do. And you aren't complaining. Sometimes, it feels like it's straight out of those old romance movies.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He doesn't jack off much. Once a week, maybe. But he doesn't have much time for it. Now, if he's in desperate need of sexual release and you aren't around, on a mission, or any of the sort, he'll jack off. And he fantasizes about you. Each and every time. A different fantasy, every time.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

One thing. Shibaru. He's so into it. Such intricate knots, it's almost like chemistry. And fuck, when you let him do it to you, you can always feel his boner against your back. He loves how it extenuates your features, how vulnerable you look. You're at his mercy, all pretty and posed up for him. He can do it clothed, naked, however you want. As long as you let him. And fuck, if you let him jack off with you infront of him, tied up. He's going to be so vocal for you.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He prefers his bunk or your bunk at base. He will settle for a hotel, as long as it offers ample privacy. It feels much more sensual this way. Sometimes, he'll dim the lights and light some candles for you, too. Now you just need to get him to throw down some rose petals.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

As mentioned before, if you let him tie you up in Shibaru, that's an instant turn on for him. However, it is as simple as leaning over him, and whispering in his ear that you want him. Those three words always turn him on. "I want you". So sensual, so scandalous, so perfect. If he wasn't worried about privacy and professionalism, he'd fuck you then and there.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He hates it when people play coy with him. You have to be direct, or else he won't like it. You can't tell him one thing, then do something else. He hates mixed messages.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He doesn't mind it. He has no preference, really. If you tell him you want him to go down on you, then he's all for it. If you want to give him a blowjob, then he won't mind it. As long as it gives you pleasure, he won't ever mind.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He defaults to a steady pace. Sensual, slow enough to leave you wanting more. But if you ask for anything faster, he'll oblige. He hates getting rough with you, though. Hate to ruin that pretty body of yours. And if you want him to be slower? Then he's down. As long as you like it, he'll do it.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Quickies are a hard no. With the lives you two live, he knows it's a better way to get sex in, however he needs ample time to enjoy your body. It's a turn off for him, to say the least. Don't even think about suggesting it, the answer will always remain the same.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Also a hard no. He's comfortable as is, he knows what he wants, and he knows what you want. Some things, he may be okay with experimenting, but if it's anything that'll hurt you or tear you up in some way, he refuses.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

He can go for about 3 hours, as many rounds as you want. As long as you're okay with it, and not winded. Unfortunate that he can't go all night, but the man has a habit of loosing sleep, and it'd be a shame if you wiped the poor man out. Plus, if you go through all his stamina now, how would you get a nice gift in the morning? Savor it, baby. Don't bleed him dry. Not yet, anyways.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

He doesn't really care for toys. At least for himself, anyways. However, if you have toys, he gets a little excited. He's once tied you up in Shibaru and held a vibe to your clit til your moans bordered on sobs. Only then did he stop. But you'll never forget that sinful look in his eye.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He's the fairest of fair. He can't bring himself to tease you in any way. Well, he can't bear teasing you past jacking off in front of you, helpless and bound beautifully. However, if you tease him, he'll get pouty. Just a bit. Doesn't mean he doesn't like it. He actually enjoys it when you edge him. He's horrible at holding back, though.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He's relatively quiet. He prefers that the sounds he makes are strictly for you. Soft moans and even growls in your ears, face buried in your neck, whispering sweet nothings and praises while you take his dick. And he prefers if you're just a little quieter, too. Not that he doesn't love hearing your moans and just how good you feel, but he likes it if he knows no one can hear you or him. He's a little obsessed with privacy.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He's a switch. If he can switch positions with you any time, god, he's set. He also quite likes it when you peg him sometimes. As long as he gets to have the option of top or bottom every time sex occurs, he's happy.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He's a little bigger than average. Something that still slides in easily and makes you feel good without hurting you. He's a grower, too. 5.6" in length when hard, and about 1.4" wide. Uncircumsized, and moderately veiny.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

It's moderate, he'd like to have you once a week, if possible. If he can't, he's okay with that. He knows the life you both lead is hectic and doesn't spare much time for intimacy of any the sort. If he isn't able to fuck you pretty in at least a month, then he's going to be a little irritated.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He can't fall asleep until you do. It's an effect you have on him. Doesn't matter how long you're up, he has to make sure you're asleep before him. Although, that's more of a subconscious thought. It does reassure him, however. Knowing you've fallen asleep means the sex was good and he treated you right.

[aromantic-misguide-to-romance]

Ace Dates with Asmodeus!

Ancient requests by @kingsheir unearthed again. I hope you don't mind the tag after years. GN reader-insert, word count: 843

.

Let’s be honest – he’s probably the first one to know that you’re ace, whether he noticed the lack of attraction on his own or you just decided to set things straight early. So the decision to pursue a relationship was a well-thought commitment. Was it a difficult decision? Well, depends on your own approach. His approach however was very simple – he was signing up for what he knew the relationship would be, and that was it. He already had thought it through and had a lot of time to make up his mind, so for him the decision wasn’t particularly difficult. It was just a conclusion to a long thought process.

It might seem weird, but for how much attention he gives to himself, it is much less surprising that he got his feelings and motives figured out. After all, for a long time his favourite person in the world was basically him and he was more than excited to experience all the new sides he just discovered in himself thanks to you. So he eventually got a good grasp on his feelings, even if the progress was��� somewhat slow.

But once he got there,  he had everything sorted out in his mind.

It doesn’t mean it isn’t new for him or that he’s impossibly positive, but he just doesn’t focus on the uncertainties. He has so many ideas where you two could go and what you could do – he knows the best places for a self-care day and he’s going to show you and let you experience every single one of them. He knows the best shops around, with the best wares. Go out with you and not pamper you? Not spoil you rotten? That’d be a crime, a serious crime!

He’s a bit lost though – let’s be frank, Asmo has been more for casual dating before, so he doesn’t exactly know what he’s supposed to do. He just wings it. Which might often just lead to a date that doesn’t exactly look much different than the earlier outings before you two got together, at least at first. And if you don’t count the fact that he’s now much more into PDA – if you’re the type to like public displays of affection as well, it’s definitely gotten much more romantic, to the point of annoying everyone around, but that’s their problem anyway. He definitely seeks more physical contact, more affection, more hugs and little touches, but the contents of the date haven’t changed that much.

But if you pay attention to what changed in the usual trips to town, you might notice that you are getting more matching accessories when shopping together. Not only accessories, but also some parts of wardrobe (though maybe getting matching socks is easy to brush off and probably not the most romantic thing in the world, but a scarf or a hat? That step is definitely noticeable). It also becomes clearer that he starts to make sure that the outfits don’t clash and that they look nice together – like if he’s now thinking of both of you not as of separate individuals but as a part of a bigger picture. He really likes the feeling when he sees that being together suits you and him. He’s likely to start picking up your tastes in attire to implement into his own wardrobe too, even if he wasn’t particularly smitten with your fashion sense before.

Of course, typical dating activities like watching a film in a cinema might pop up more often than before. He’s always been quite a touchy-feely type though, so him clinging to you during a scary or a tearjerking scene isn’t new… unless he spends the whole movie like that. That’s likely to happen.

Once the date is formally over, you’ll be probably going to his room to test out all of the new cosmetics together, and it will be a great chance to watch him let his hair down. It definitely won’t be an instant change – but the closer you two are, the more at ease he will be, and the more he will allow himself to stop being always the most glamorous demon around. He’ll start dropping the perky and energetic persona around you, showing that he needs rest, that he’s tired, that his hair can be messy sometimes too – those “behind the scenes” moments that he never lets anyone see. If he’s quiet, then he definitely ran out of his energy and might simply doze off while cuddling.

If you don’t go back to your room but end up asleep next to him, you’re probably going to witness a morning Asmo with a sleepy smile on his face when he sees you the first thing in the morning. And also his whining, if you attempt to leave the bed when he wants his morning cuddles – it’s so warm and cosy, he doesn’t want to let go yet! So you’ll probably have to stay for a while. But well… at some point you definitely need to make the heartless decision to get up…

[edge-oftheworld]

“yknow as a fandom I think we could do a better job of appreciating Sierra Deaton”

No just have less appreciating Sierra cause she’s been anti-black, a creep towards fans, invalidated a 5sos fan’s mental health because they’re a fan, trauma dumped on young fans and overshared, slut shamed Ashton, and so on and so forth

hey anon!! Thanks for this concise little list. But seriously, thanks for making me think and pull together a bunch of ideas in my head; I hope in this essay really you can see some of my thought process. I can’t imagine how hard it’d be to be reaching out with something really hard and expect compassion and get a negative interaction instead—if that was you or whoever it is I hope they’re doing better and finding community and people who care. And I don’t want to pretend she’s perfect or has done everything right, we know that’s not how it is, Sierra knows that, Luke knows that, so does, idk, God.

and I’ll admit I’m a bit old fashioned when it comes to cancelling people and I do like to try and see the good in people where possible—sometimes imo it’s the only way to get any positive change. to look beyond the superficial where someone might lash out—is it in malice, or fear, a momentary impulse they might regret later or maybe realise for some reason were pushed to a point where they couldn’t manage anything better. I know I’ve been to that point and I know how I spiral if I don’t know how to forgive myself. I also know this is a fandom where shit gets real and we’re young and hurting and sometimes that just makes us defenceless against our idols and those around them being human, and the shitty side of human we all have potential to become too. And we live in an era of systemic racism and lack of access to mental health services which both causes and exacerbates so many issues that, was the world not so anti-black; had every mentally ill child and youth a support network in real life (instead of the way many of us often spend years only ever feeling seen by the songs we listen to, 5sos songs easily filling in that need)—we might be a little more able to be like ‘wtf that’s not cool but that’s a her problem’ and move on. and can I say we do deserve a world that doesn’t discriminate. And in order to get what we deserve we have to make it. and in order to make it we have to learn how to do better and let people learn to do better—these people aren’t going anywhere. somehow bad people have to turn into good people and yes in order to do that they have to be made accountable. Repentance is truly a beautiful thing; it’s also something that can’t happen when we feel scared and in our survival brain. When we feel like that we tend to easily get into us vs them and dig deeper into our (often wrong) convictions and that’s actually an evolutionary response to when we have to fight against predators; we don’t have time to think ‘but what if they’re actually in the right’ when we’re fighting for our lives.

and this isn’t the place to psychoanalyse Sierra. I don’t know exactly what goes on in her head, I don’t know if she’s sorry or even remembers these things but I do know the rift between her and fans has been quite heated and even scary at some points over the years. And maybe I have the privilege of never being someone who has been hurt by her to have grace for the fact that ‘gotta be nice to this fan they’re having an experience of a lifetime to be interacting with my partner and I’m gonna give the benefit of the doubt that they’re not one of the individuals in a sea of fans who all look identical to me sending me death threats’ is a hell of a lot to put your brain through every single day. If she (and it’s not if, we know she did) make mistakes. If there was too much trauma to hold and she put it out on the internet to cope in a season of her life. If the insecurity became jealousy of one of the most important people in her s/o’s life which became insults that were thrown around back in high school before everyone realised how uncool they were and tried to stop using them but they were still burned in their brains to come out on impulse (I actually have no idea how that specific event went down, or if there were one or multiple). I hope they sorted that out internally; I don’t know what else I can do but trust that it’s something they’re capable of doing and care for each other enough as a group of friends and songwriters to do.

I wanted to save the lateral racism example for last because I feel like everything above is kind of a metaphor for it, if you follow. I’m coming from a place where I’m southeast asian and part white living in a largely western country, so is Sierra, so I’m automatically going to see her as ‘like me’ (and can I say how rarely I get this kind of representation?) whereas if you’re black, or if you find your experience more relatable to blackness, then you’re going to experience this very differently. I can’t know your experience. I also know that asians can be brutal in this area: it’s the reason my childhood best friend hasn’t told her dad she got engaged to her partner nearly a year ago. Lateral racism isn’t okay. But unfortunately what happens is often when you’re discriminated against in some ways we’re conditioned to take the side of the oppressor against someone who’s discriminated against in other ways. It’s all ‘okay maybe I’m x and I should be y but at least I’m not z’ and again it’s that evolutionary survival instinct to not be at the bottom of the pile; channeled in horrible ways into today’s society. It takes a lot of effort and self awareness to be like ‘we’re united in this experience of being oppressed, together we have the power to make a stand that this is Not Cool’ and most of us fail the first few times. but what’s important is we keep trying. we can all heal together when we do.

so anon I have no idea who you are or your background or how much you’ve had to wrestle with this yourself, if you’ve had to stand up against communities who were hostile, if you’ve had to do this while being discriminated against from outside as well, if you know the experience of not fully being one race but not fully being another etc. and also you’ve got no obligation to like Sierra, this is such unsolicited advice but this whole release period for boy ep I’ve really just been thinking ‘it’s healthy to feel our feelings even when it’s not always pleasant isn’t it’ and wherever that hurt is please love it embrace it bring it into the light whatever you do to realise you’re valuable and you don’t have anything to be ashamed of. even your mistakes and where you’ve hurt people and regret that, you’re gonna grow so much from that and have so many chances to do better. maybe you’re young and you haven’t had the chance to hurt anyone yet. I hope you manage to stay that way but if you do, I hope you can forgive yourself too. I hope you dip your toes in activism for Black Lives Matter, for mental health, for sex positivity, I can see you really value these things and that’s really encouraging to see.

and in the end: sometimes I have to be annoyingly human and come down to the fact that I really enjoy the songs that Sierra writes. I’ve fanned enough about gothic summer on this blog already. I enjoy the things she writes and so I listen to them, and I’m not actively boycotting Sierra specifically, I love the creative outcomes when she works with 5sos as a whole, with Luke, with other artists I love as well. As a result I do care about her as a person, I always do, and hey, I respect her funny little routine donations and the undertones of her UNICEF donation back in October and the random animal sanctuary and the occasional nod to some Australian mental health charity.

I’ve inferred a lot about how much more relaxed and at ease and free to feel things and process life at his own pace Luke seems to be with her than beforehand—and the fan in me who’s so protective of these guys just desperately wants someone to be there for them in ways that really matter and I feel like we have seen that, even despite the often rocky nature of the relationship between Sierra and Luke’s fans. Luke is someone I relate to a lot, and there are some experiences that are really hard to come back from, and I’m really proud of him right now and I do get the impression being with Sierra has really helped him get there. I don’t know for sure, I could be wrong, but I’m always going to be grateful when celebrities get to be human and not have their lives and choices dictated by fans either directly or indirectly. I’ll take the allies I can in my activism and even if there are criticisms around sincerity I do generally see Sierra trying and I want to appreciate that. I don’t want to say she hasn’t hurt anyone ever and I pray for resolution and peace for the fans, for Ashton, for her, for the Black community in general, for everyone who’s been hurt in the wake of colonialism and the generational trauma it breeds. And then I’ll go listen to bloodline and think, maybe in some ways we were born inheriting the sins of our parents before we knew better. But every day I discover ways of choosing better and compassion takes us so far and I hope every day I learn a bit more about how to channel that.

thank you for the ask, it really got me thinking and the opportunity to compile some thoughts I’d had that I didn’t realise formed a neat little mindmap around Sierra as a case study!! Much more fun than regular sociology. And I didn’t even get to delve into the political history of Saigon that I’ve been trying to understand more about!!

[zombie-bait]

Turns out the best part of being an artist is just slowly realizing that everyone is beautiful, actually. Beauty standards literally no longer apply because the beauty is in the creation, in the humanity. Angles and curves and unique little quirks that make individuals stand out from one another are what bring the process to life in the first place. The more you draw, especially from live models, the more you pick up on a million little things you would've never considered beforehand. I love the small triangle of muscle that appears when someone scrunches up their brow. Thighs are much thicker than you'd imagine, on every person of every age group and there's no scenario where that's a bad thing. It's just a thing. Sometimes you can see the spots where the sacrum and pelvis meet through the skin, forming two small divots in the lower back. The Dimples of Venus, they call them.

There's never been a single moment in my history as an artist where I've wished that a model had a softer nose or fewer stomach rolls or less prominent aging lines because this is what makes art interesting and meaningful. Humanity survives, if not thrives, in the billions of people who will never look like anyone on television.

And it seeps into the way you interact with the world. You joke with your friends as you map out their features in your mind and think 'god, this is what it looks like to be loved.' You look into your mother's hooded eyes and wonder if yours hold that much kindness or warmth. Even aging is a bit less scary when those lines and spots feel like reminders of a life lived, planes for the world to map out on its own.

[niuttuc]

New “budget” Commander cards: March of the Machine Edition: Multicolor

Alright, this is gonna be a long one. For the sake of brevity (ah!) I'll only touch on multicolor cards that are at most two colors, since three+ color cards are much, much narrower in regards to which decks can even play them in the first place.

Also, a lot of these cards are legends. I will be discussing them as part of the 99, if you want to build dedicated commander decks around them, you can also do that, but then their evaluations can shift dramatically both from them being built around completely and consistently available.

As before, all the cards included here are $2 or less at time of writing.

Not quite a Young Pyromancer, but the extra flexibility of triggering others more or getting a 2 powered token can make the two worth it in spellslinger decks that aim bigger, either through cost reduction or a control strategy.

The home for this is obvious, though I'm including it to point out the fact its restrictions are separate for every single permanent you control, so proliferate effects or mass counter granting will grow this tramply friend very, very fast in counter decks.

Ramp for you and card draw for everyone, on an on-curve body. It might struggle to find homes due to the need to attack, but hey, it's a Parleying Pirate.

Sadly, this card works with Flash but not instants. Still, a great engine for any deck that's heavy on (primarily) flying creatures, be it birds, angels or sphinges.

That's a LOT of power, rewards for going both wide and tall, and can trigger immediately since it doesn't need to attack itself. This will make you very scary at the table as a curve topper.

Two artifact tokens for four power and toughness a turn that attack well, if you have the synergy or mana to take advantage of it, the new Glissa doesn't disappoint! Once again a bit different from her previous iterations, but that's fine!

While this is no Snapcaster Mage for competitive formats, in commander where efficiency is less central and you have multiple opponents, the flying 3/1 body and most importantly the ability to cast spells from any opponent's graveyard as well as your own makes this Faerie a very attractive candidate. Whether you need a wrath, a targeted removal, ramp, a regrowth, or maybe even something meaner like an extra turn spell or an overrun, you'll often get your pick and get access to effects outside your colors!

Immediate value, and a powerful back that gives you all the options in the world, some ramp, and is relatively easy to get to. If you have enough enchantments that the front side will reliably function, I don't think there's many decks that WOULDN'T at least be ok with running this.

A lot of value on that front side in commander that's essentially a 3-for-0 that fills graveyard. It's not too hard to flip into a reanimation spell from any graveyard, which makes this very interesting and self-fueling. However, be wary of filling other people's graveyard, I'd prefer this in a deck that already wants to be doing that.

Once again, the decks that want this are self-explanatory. If you have targets for the tutor, either in aura voltron or in a deck with a few Gods, and an heavy enough enchantment theme that the back is desirable, and access to both blue and white, this is a stellar pick for those specific decks.

How many things does your spell need to do? This removes three different permanent types at no card disadvantage (either you get to draw or a GIANT CREATURE), or can just be a surprise beater that's hard to block. There's no need for specific themes here, they can fit just fine anywhere if you want them to.

A Kithkin! Being able to blink any nonland every turn is actually quite a strong effect, though there will be extra hoops to jump through. The requirement to tap means you'll want your deck to have just that one more reason to play it, not just random blink decks. Ideally, to tap her the turn she comes down for some immediate value. She really, really likes vehicles, because then you can tap her down at instant-speed to get literally any nonland permanent out of the way of a targeted removal or board wipe, and she can even target herself for that! If you play her, I highly, highly, highly recommend vehicles with ETB abilities, for example Imposter Mech in specific, as a clone vehicle she can crew by herself AND that can get you any opponent's etb effects whenever you blink it itself.

Reanimating any nonland whenever you cast an artifact or legend, for free, is VERY abusable and powerful, even for just a turn. They will need specific decks, ones that have a stocked graveyard and either enough artifacts or legends to trigger them, but in those decks, they're a must-kill threat.

Commander's color identity rules don't make Pollux here a favor by requiring having a green-white deck. With that said, if your ramp, fixing or color balance is able to support the cost, I hear Wurmcoil Engine is a pretty nice magic the gathering card. Of course, in hydra tribal, even better, but also if you have a deck with clones, clones of the back of Polukranos here will see each other die to trigger multiple times for a geometric amount of hydras. And if the legend rule is active, they even come with a convenient way to die on arrival!

The mana cost is a bit rough on five, but the modularity is there. Flying and haste means you're getting immediate value and you'll have somewhere to connect, and the first strike means the last mode will add to the combat damage your non-first striking creatures will deal this turn, all with some extra options on there, and not even specifying combat damage if you want to have fun pinging after-combat. If you go wide in rakdos, I could see this acting as a surprise finisher that's still a very decent value piece before you're set up.

Merfolk Looter is still a decent card, it allows you to see more cards, avoiding non-games and providing you more option. Rona is better than that in so many ways it's not funny, so much so it's easy to get lost in the extra words on there. You don't need to be built around her with legends or pestilence effects for her to be a very solid option, just having a merfolk looter that prevents you from early attacks by being a 1/3 would legitimately be enough, but then you also get a late game threat and some extra free looting when you cast your commander.

For sacrifice outlets, you generally want them to not cost any mana and be available at instant-speed. None of that matters, because this turns every single sacrifice into a card draw, repeatedly, which, with the singular exception of Yawgmoth, a $15+ card from Modern Horizons that's not remotely fair, always costs at least two mana. And this can sacrifice artifacts too, which means all those treasures are fair game to turn into card draw! This is an incredibly powerful uncommon I would play in any rakdos aristocrats or treasure deck, budget or no budget, and so easy to overlook.

March of the Multitudes was a mythic that's still a very popular choice for token decks in its colors. Losing the instant-speed does hurt, but you get an extra bodies and your tokens hit twice as hard and can't be easily blocked. If you're planning on going wide in Boros, I think that's a no-brainer, even if you're not the convoke deck this came in.

Gnshhagghkkapphribbit.

[imnotbitteranymore-imsyrupysweet]

What Pride feels like to me.

lonely, dark, and heavy. hopeless humanity is all i can see through tear-filled vision, with no hope of ever living for me fully.

claustrophobic, agoraphobic and getting worse with every joke or post i see that’s homo/transphobic.

i’m scared to go to pride for mass shootings or bombings, so i think i’ll push myself past it but as i tell my parent i love them to get ready to go i’m suddenly overcome with the fear of everything. i swallow down my tears for moments more - turning back from the door, give excuses as to why that don’t force forth the cry. so i don’t sound dramatic when i say i was just afraid id die.

but i see it in their eyes too, i feel it in the tension of the room and the forced positivity for the rainbow under such clouds of gloom. they were just as scared, they just want me to be safe. Like any parent should want, right? their baby not to be scared to walk, day or night, that they don’t have to hide and could go outside the house as themselves without landing them in a life-or-death fight.

but the world is a scary place. but what they don’t get, see, or feel for me is, one less chance turns into yet another year of fear. another year of me, alone, crying in the very bedroom of my childhood home that i learned it all in. every single piece of me that i turned over in my tiny hands. the very ones i clasped every night praying it away, along with any people showing kindness of saying that who i was was okay.

the very bed sheets i muffled those cries into. the ones i bunched up to feel like i knew what it felt like holding someone in the night, too.

i wish sometimes to wring them thin, i have but not like this - i want to drain them of every tear. i want each and every one of them back. every drop of heartache, silent shatters for others hearts sake, every ounce of blood sweet and tears that it has come to collect.

i’m not sure why, or what i’d do with it.

perhaps, i could bottle it, and then see - see all those years of pain in silence, wasted, behind me.

maybe that’s it, maybe then i could move on from what haunts me. if i could just see it, make all of that hurt something physical to show me, validate me in all of it so i could let go of any of this.

i keep thinking i have and then im right back.. here. i still dress certain ways and am afraid of my natural ways. don’t be too loud, don’t draw attention, deepen you voice, talk proper non of that girly shit, walk straight, talk straight.

to be hyperaware of every aspect of myself even for the only thing i really leave the house for, walking my dog, is tearing away any bit of mental health i build. i thought- god, i don't know what i thought.

i guess i thought i’d never be back here. that by now, i would be in a place, at least of mind, where i was free to be me. but still i look in the mirror and so rarely just see me. rather, accompanying, always it seems, is every glare, every passing remark, every lonely day at school choosing that over getting made fun of or letting someone close enough, every time i averted my eyes, instead, looking to the ground when passing anyone in this god forsaken town. --------------

(sort of separate/i wrote this portion below, first, then once i started crying at the end of this i went back up and wrote all that.. so.. yeah. i feel a bit better now though) 

every time this month comes along all i can see are the thumbs downs out weighing the likes of articles for us

 i feel like a whale strung through with a harpoon they cruelly tie weights to once i’ve enough blows to fashion rope around.

i try, i really try, every year, if i’m honest, almost every second of the day to embrace myself and let go of all their hate. i try to focus on the love and the ones out there that accept us... but at the end, i always end up feeling that crushing feeling of hates weight, pulling down on me.

i want to be proud of who i am and exactly as i was made. how i am when i let go of the hateful, close-minded people out there and focus on only the peace i come to make in here. but i end up hunched over even alone, it comes infectious, seeping into my home. and again, i find myself hating who i am because even if i love me and they hate me, and i’m fine with that, but what gets me every time is the hate that others receive greater than mine, because i hide away. i’m a quiet gay, you could say.

i can go around and be just fine for the most part, but on those off days that i come to feel so comfortable in myself exactly as i’m made and i want to dare to wear something fashionable in a more fun way, i instantly wonder if i will be okay. if i’ll make it home or if someone will hit me, kill me, abduct me and release all their hate unto me rather than just through the violently, hateful words.

i don’t get it, i never will. i’ve been on both sides, explored so many faiths and philosophies to see everything from every angle, but i still will never understand why some people choose to hate, to hate another human that is merely loving, loving another human or themselves.

to love this self that you say is created in gods image, and whom this god loves so dearly that he killed his only son for. just like you, he loves us in our sin. if you must call our love this.

but, let me just say this. as much as it hurts, i gladly will die and i cry in my sin of true love. i just hope you one day can see that you will die in your sin of hate if you don’t reflect and change your ways.

my heart, overcome with love for all humans exactly as they are in their good and bad, makes me weep, it always has. and i don’t pray, least not in that way, but i do pray that i keep hold of this, this heart, as soft as a baby birds despite all the hate it gets. and i pray that yours too may soften, and actually hear the truth that sings throughout all of time and space; that, above all we should love, and as challenging as it may be, everyone from you to me, that is the whole human race should love no matter what they face. it’s terribly hard but i am grateful for all that i’ve gone through thus far for it has made my heart grow, my mind too, in order to love all humans the way in which i do. i only pray, or wish whatever suits you, that you receive this grace too.

(It seems, pride is still fear. And that i don't know any other way to be)

[bigbroemen]

1, 2, 13, 16 for the gaming asks :3c

HI MALEX :D

ask 1 ive got answered for brostateexam on some that he sent me, this is what I wrote

1. Last game you finished

i am like pretty sure it was dark souls. ive been playing a Bunch of stuff on and off for the past 3 or 4 months but dark souls was one that i stuck to and i beat it with my caster character naomi in like early march

2. Game(s) you’re currently playing

ok oh god. okay i SAID i was playing a bunch of games on and off but truthfully i have Started a bunch of games and have not finished them and my heart isn't too set on touching back on them. some im ok with that and others i feel like i should get back to them

Mario and Luigi: Partners in Time (JP) [dead/i should get back to it]

i stopped playing this in like late february and i definitely want to start playing it again. it has been more constructive for me for practicing japanese because it is just a bit less dense than other games like path of radiance. i think i like only finished the first little arc though LOL in the forest w the caterpillar boss

Super Mario Galaxy (JP) [dead/i should get back to it]

i got pretty far here! i think ive 100%ed everything up to the bedroom. there's not much i can say about what ive practiced with this game besides it was a nice refresher/maintainer; there's furigana for the kanji and all the characters speak in unique ways that are still digestible

Dark Souls (again. as a cleric) [dead/its ok i got like more than halfway through so it'll be fun to pick up again whenever i do]

after i beat the game with naomi i like immediately started another file as my cleric madeline. its been really fun with her and ive been enjoying using ultra great swords/lightning magic with her. iiiii got the lordvessel and i saved the cleric in the tomb of the giants, and i made it to the ash lake and the painted world for the first time this playthrough

Sonic Riders (JP) [dead/its ok i unlocked aiai&nights&ulala]

it is very very interesting playing japanese sonic because some of the characters have like very different personalities. sonic is more like, Cool Dependable Upstanding guy who like shouts stuff in english sometimes (ALL RIIGHT/Hey !), where I feel like english sonic is a little bit more of an rascal

amy is like a LOT more "cute". like english amy is like scary and Her Own Girl but jp amy is just like more sweet (for the record i feel like english amy is a lot more engaging and fun (I love lisa ortiz amy))

WAVE is like SO interesting, i feel like english wave is so bitchy and mean (love and respect to her all the same) and jp wave is still Mean but she's so much more cordial and polite, she's kind of like a gentleman about it and still offers respect to the people she speaks to

Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic [dead/IM SAD ABOUT IT BUT I CANT DO ANYTHING]

i had been playing it for joey and he was Loving it and i was loving it too because i just love that game, but after i saved bastila the game started like crashing non stop. i did some troubleshooting/research and it turns out discord streaming and kotor just Do Not mix well. we had to give it up and im so sad. i had a demolitions/security dual wielding blade girl named DYNA BLASTER and she failed every single speech skill check

Stardew Valley [alive]

me and joey have been touching on this with our collective farm the past few weeks. its hard because his work and where he lives tires him out so bad, so he just needs to sit back and rest more than he can play games with me, but were in the beginning of the summer right now and things are going well. i am like being a spreadsheet farmer making max profits while he's got his strong variety of crops at his place so we can actually complete the bundles. we didn't realize we had access to the mines until the end of spring though LOL

Valkyria Chronicles [alive]

I will have joey fall asleep to me playing games and after kotor stopped working this is what i picked up. i like this game a lot, a lot of the uh.. the voice acting can annoy me (SOMETIMES i really like it) and how lightheartedly the game depicts war and racism irks me, but i love love love love how the game plays. its fire emblem but you're down On The Field doing the work and its very engaging

13. Quick, name the first song from a game that comes to mind

oh fuck ok well the first thing that came to mind was the metroid prime theme LOL

16. A game you’d like to replay that you haven’t

oh oh oh omg??????? I wanna replay crash bandicoot 2??!!!! i played it all the time as a kid when we still had our playstation like 1999-2001 and i remember the girl with her tiger and there was like a level with hot air balloons. i have slowly been building more and more motivation to get to it and this is like doin smth. time to add another game to the currently playing list

THANK YOU BRO bitch im gonna send u some........