#everyone else: kaz are you thinking about the plan | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

violetrainbow412-blog · 1 year

Text

Trust [K. B]

Kaz Brekker x fem!reader

wc: 7.8k

summary: something goes wrong with a heist and Kaz's anger lashes out at you, only later realizing it's not for the reasons you thought.

A/N: I feel like it took me literally YEARS to write this. Someone requested the central idea but I decided to expand a bit and since in anon he mentioned that they like hurt/comfort I hope I have achieved it. I hope you like it, thanks for reading!

warnings: trauma (again)

taglist: @be-lla-vie @milkshake0 @ladespedidas

As soon as you stepped foot inside The Slat, you felt enormous relief to think that you could finally get some rest. The day before, the boss had told you that it was necessary to recover something and had drawn up a general outline of how things would be carried out, so to avoid mistakes, instead of sending just one group, the whole team would go. But at a certain point things had gone wrong and then the whole mission had gone awry. You were scared and everyone else was scared, but you knew that Kaz was probably the most upset about it. He hadn't spoken to anyone since you had to flee the mansion.

“Well, I declare that a resounding failure. Good night, my friends,” Jesper said, holding his side with a wince. Wylan was at his side to catch him in case the pain buckled his knees.

You sighed, defeated, and started walking towards the stairs to take a shower to remove all traces of dust, blood, and shame that you had impregnated on your skin, however, Kaz's cane stopped hitting you in the stomach, blocking your way and suffocating you at the same time.

"Are you crazy?" he asked, his voice raspier than usual. You asked yourself if he was referring to your plans, which he obviously couldn't know about, and why he was upset, but it didn't take anything more to get an answer, "What the fuck was that in the mansion?"

Oh, that is what he meant.

To recap a bit, your goal that night was to recover a few bags of cash that a new gang at The Barrel had stolen but originally belonged to the Crow Club, i. e you guys. It was a payment for an exchange that Kaz had made days ago with art supplies or something, it was a business that none of you were very involved in.

The black-haired man knew the place where it was kept (he always seemed to know the whole city like the back of his hand) and so he had drawn up a pretty solid plan with which you could get away with it. Regularly his plans contemplated in the most opportune way each of your abilities: guns, stealth, the Grisha qualities, strength, chemicals, and the skills with your hands in which you surpassed the man. It was almost like something in you and your friends used to joke that your hands were a kind of magnet for everything shiny, although those same hands also worked perfectly to use a pick and give access to many places.

Things were going well that night, until you had to make a last-minute decision when you found out that an unknown person was in the place and you wanted to get them out of there so they wouldn't be in the crossfire. That was the 'certain point' I had mentioned before, where everything got screwed up. It was about a poor and defenseless servant girl who started screaming like crazy when she saw you and although you tried to calm her down that was enough to draw the attention of the guards, who came towards you to capture you. And since you were very busy struggling with two armed goons, you couldn't fulfill your part of the plan, which was to open the vault where the money that you were going to steal was. It had been a rather unfortunate chain of events.

"Kaz, you know I didn't mean to…"

"Are you deaf, then?" he interrupted you, ignoring your attempt at justification. He took a step towards you, limping a bit due to the lack of a cane, and then you could see the expression on his face.

You'd only seen Kaz this angry once and the poor man who caused it was already resting in peace, so you cringed in on yourself like a scared little bird.

"Or why didn't you do what we agreed?" you didn't know if he wanted a verbal answer, but even if he had, what could you say to that? It was more than obvious why you had done it "If there is a plan, it is because that plan must be executed as I have said, if not, then what would it be?"

"I shouldn’t…"

"No, you shouldn't," he interrupted again, speaking louder than usual to look imposing. And boy he was doing it. “That was the stupidest thing you've ever done, and all for a damn maid? What were you thinking?

"I wanted to help her"

"Oh really? And how did she thank you? Yelling at the guards to come to get you! Did you think about that before acting? Do you ever consider the consequences?” his voice didn't drop in volume, but rather rose gradually with each word that came out of his mouth.

You were in a panic, somehow strangely having the strength to meet his angry eyes, for you didn't think he would start saying such things to you in front of everyone else, who had been silent since the exchange had begun. You tried to think of anything to defend yourself, but even if you found the right argument you knew you couldn't outsource it due to nerves.

Even with your devoted silence, Kaz did not seem satisfied and he continued speaking.

“You had to follow simple orders: wait for the signal and open the vault. Everyone stayed in their positions. Was it very difficult for you to do that?”

"Kaz, I don't think…" Jesper started to say, trying to help him out of the situation, but he fell silent as he watched the black-haired boy turn his head to look at him. It was true, you guys hadn't seen Kaz in that state more than a few times and even the gunslinger, who loved you immensely, thought it wiser to keep silent if he didn't want the opponent's anger to lash out at him.

"Look at Jesper," he said close to your face. If he hadn't been so averse to touching you, you were sure he would have held your face to keep your gaze on him, because by this point your eyes were cloudy and you were trying to focus on anything other than the conversation “He's hurt. You are hurt. Imagine what would have happened if we hadn't been able to get out in time or if Inej hadn't come to your rescue, do you think those men would have tempted their hearts before killing all of us? Of course not! There's no room for charity here because until that servant was in real danger, she wasn't your problem. You behaved stupidly and those actions affected all of us” Kaz fell silent and you thought that was it. You were with your arms crossed, perhaps as an unconscious act of seeking protection, not daring to look at him.

But he took a few seconds to examine you and then said something else:

It is your fault that we are now in this state; without a single penny in our pockets.

The words your fault, and without a penny were the cause of a tug across your chest. It was useless to hold back the tears that had already treacherously begun to slide down your cheeks and that you wished you had the strength to wipe off with the sleeve of the jacket you were wearing.

In all the time you had belonged to the crows he had never spoken to you like that. There had been disagreements, of course, and he'd even called you out for neglecting some tasks he'd given you, but those kinds of hurtful words were reserved for criminals from whom he extracted information or threatened. That's why you were so upset, because Kaz was terrifying when he put his mind to it and you'd just had the misfortune to experience it firsthand.

The rest of your friends were also perplexed by what had just happened, since most of them had found your outburst in the mansion quite justifiable, since it was an innocent life that you had tried to protect, a very present code always.

The other part that had managed to break you was knowing that the man's annoyance was actually due to the money you had caused him to lose rather than the fact that you or someone else had been in danger. Or at least that was what you had understood by the final sentence.

The silence was sepulchral, no one even dared to breathe harder than usual for fear that he would take them as the next victim, and only a small sob that escaped you broke the silence. You hoped that would soften Kaz’s expression a bit, but he didn't flinch.

A part of you thought, due to shock, to apologize to him, but you weren't even able to. You just stood in the middle of that room under his questioning gaze.

When your body finally wanted to react, you walked directly to the stairs to go up to your room, without even looking back, collapsing on the floor and crying as soon as you closed the door behind you. You didn't even think about taking a shower anymore and the burning pain in your ribs, which you hadn't mentioned to anyone about, intensified. You had to cover your mouth with your hand so that the crying wouldn’t reach the floor below and you felt that everything around you was spinning.

You stayed in that position for a few minutes, which felt like hours, until someone opened the door and stuck their head inside. It was Nina, who had surely gone of her own free will but also partly at the request of others. She could hear your erratic heartbeat and your lungs struggling to hold some air, so it didn't take her more than a second to kneel next to you to wrap her arms around you and start running her hand up and down trying to comfort you. She offered to heal you and you agreed, but through it all you thought that even though the blows on your body burned like hell, what was definitely causing you the most pain was the wounds you just received to your heart.

After that night you could say that the tension in The Slat could be cut with a knife. You thought that the others were also going to blame you for the failure of the heist, with justifiable reasons, but you were pleasantly surprised to find out that this wasn’t the case, since they all told you so explicitly as soon as they had a chance. Matthias, who was most of the time the most mature among you, told you that sometimes things went wrong and that at least he was glad that you were okay; with Nina there, the physical problems could be solved and the money would be recovered somehow. But, to your surprise, it was Kaz they weren't very happy with.

You never meant to start a mutiny against the boss, God knows you didn't, but as much as you tried to change their minds, they were distant and reluctant to talk to Brekker. And Kaz, in turn, didn't exchange a single word with you.

Jesper and Nina were the ones who showed it the most, the first one kept looking down at your friend as if he could make him combust spontaneously with his eyes while the woman simply didn't say anything, as if he were invisible. The rest of the group hadn't cut off the communication suddenly, but it was evident that they weren't entirely happy with the black-haired man's behavior.

Although there were few occasions when the seven of you, or the majority, coincided in the same space, since you were always doing other things around The Barrel or the club.

You weren't the proud type, yet you refused to offer an apology for something that wasn't wrongdoing and finally stopped feeling guilty for applying this silent treatment to thinking that Kaz deserved it. Just a little. Also, if he didn't bother to talk to you, everything would be easier for you, because, although you still did some general tasks, most of the time you spent locked in your room, doing anything to entertain yourself.

If you looked at it from the outside, unaware that you guys were a bunch of criminals living in the same horrible building, that looked like a real teenage fight. But you couldn't blame yourself too much, because you were teenagers.

Sometimes, when he didn't notice, you watched him from afar. You analyzed his expression, his posture, his eyes, anything that would help you figure out if he really cared about your absence or the silence of others. You tried to believe that he was in a bad mood (more than usual) because he wanted you to not be angry anymore, but after a long time you always came to the same conclusion; he was inscrutable, shielded in that armor that you highly doubted could shatter, much less by you. Sometimes you wished you could know what Kaz was thinking so you could figure out if he had noble motives for acting the way he did or if he was just a heartless jerk. And, although your desire to read minds wasn’t fulfilled, you began to bet more on the latter the day a new job was presented. It was, now, a kind of revenge against the men of the opposing gang (who had stolen your business payment in the first place), however, when the meeting took place you noticed that he was skipping a detail.

"And what will Y/N do?" Jesper had asked, going ahead of you, after listening carefully to the plan and realizing that you weren't contemplated anywhere. You expected Kaz to say you were going to stick with him, even if it was so he could keep an eye on you and avoid another outburst, but when he shook his head you were completely offended.

"She's not coming"

It was one thing to have received a scolding for the mistake made and quite another to be removed from the team just like that. And that Kaz had responded as if you weren't there made you feel completely humiliated and, consequently, angry.

"Great, so now it turns out that I'm grounded," you said sarcastically. It was the first time in weeks that you had spoken directly to Kaz and he just looked at you sideways for a few seconds, as if examining you, which made your blood boil even more "Are you really going to leave me out?" you continued, now with more seriousness than before. You wished he dared to face you with an answer, and you were surprised at how quickly this happened.

"It’s not personal. This time it’s better that you stay” was all the explanation he offered you. The way he said it made it clear to you that it wasn't up for discussion and you felt powerless, but before any of your friends could say anything in your defense, you decided to take it the best way.

If Kaz didn't want you around, you weren't going to make him. If you didn't receive even a measly part of the money from now on, you didn't care. If it was true that you had screwed up, you weren't sorry for anything and you weren't going to give in so easily, despite the love and respect you felt for him.

“Good luck then,” was all you said, offering the best fake smile you could have and purposely patting Kaz on the shoulder. He watched you walk away with eyes wide open in surprise, even though you didn't even notice it when you got lost in the hallway, and it was hard for him to keep his composure as he turned around again to clear up any doubts regarding how the crime would be carried out; although he tried to hide it, almost most of the group could tell.

What the hell did Kaz have against you lately? The others had made mistakes countless times and never suffered consequences as harsh as yours, because probably the hardest part had been dealing with the boss's anger and being forced to find a solution for what they had screwed up. You probably would have offered to get the money back yourself if he had let you end the problem, but you couldn't even do that because you knew it would only fan the fires of anger.

So when you left there everyone thought that things had already gone on too long and someone had to point it out to Kaz.

"Is everything clear?" he asked, looking at the crows and receiving a general nod.

We would have to wait until night to work, so once there was nothing more to say, each one dispersed in opposite directions.

“Inej,” Kaz said, not even looking back. He knew she was there, he always knew, as if there was a connection between the two of them "Everything okay?"

“Everyone is where they should be. The carriage is on its way and the streets are free”

"Good"

“But there is something else we need to talk about”

Kaz was afraid it was something to do with you, and he closed his eyes for a moment at the possibility. They were on a roof, he too close to the shore to be able to supervise that the robbery was carried out effectively, and she took a few steps until she reached his side. The two kept looking down for a few seconds, preparing internally for what was coming; talking about feelings was never one of their strengths.

"What would that be about?”

"About who" she corrected him "This discussion with Y/N has already escalated to exacerbated levels, you didn't have to forbid her to come"

"And what did you want me to do?" he muttered, more upset than he would have liked, and he had to take a deep breath before speaking again, “She's… was impulsive and… she doesn't measure the danger she's putting herself in. She is like a child, without conscience or limits”

“We all know that, but you called her stupid. That's very different."

“I don't want her to end up killing herself,” he said, and Inej caught a hint of sincere concern tinging her friend's voice. Kaz hated seeing himself like this, but there was something about her that made him trust her with that part of him. “Y/N acts with her heart, that's the problem. And I worry that she doesn't know how to control it. I don't want anyone to hurt her and she just doesn't cooperate” he sounded desperate, helpless, and then Inej realized how many things were being ignored by the team about the boss's decisions, apparently cruel, but quite considered in the background. It was like… acting badly for the right reasons. Or something like that.

“Well, if you really do this to safeguard her welfare, you should tell her. Because I don't think you're giving him the right message with your actions” Inej told him. Then she decided that she wasn't going to pry into the matter anymore from that point on, wishing that the conversation had been enough to make the black-haired man see reason.

He thought about it for a second and wished he could ask her more, but then he noticed that, as always, she had already vanished into the night.

Kaz tried very hard to focus on the robbery and stop thinking about you or what it would be wise to say to you, but he was having some trouble. In the next hour, to everyone's surprise in general, things went perfectly; there was no guard, just a driver who didn't resist, and they were coming back with some juicy loot. Almost too easy to be true.

Kaz didn't give much thought to the nature of the success they'd just had and they all just set off, their group spirits much better now that things were looking up.

It would be foolish to deny that Kaz had been thinking about how quickly you would have managed to carry out the robbery and also had missed the joking duo that you formed with Jesper, who now had barely looked at the blue-eyed man.

On the way he got a bit withdrawn and was mentally torturing himself about what was the right thing to do when he got home. After thinking it through, he concluded that he should take Inej’s advice and talk to you to fix things. Brekker wasn't used to apologizing, but at least he could explain things to you the way he had with the girl, so that you would understand better and hopefully forgive him for the idiotic behavior he had been displaying for the past few weeks. Although he was still upset, it was worth putting that aside to try.

After going to the club to save the cash they went back to The Slat and when he stood in front of your door he never thought to feel more nervous in life, while he started to ask himself if that was a good idea. Maybe he should just let time wash away your bad face and carry on as before... but he was also aware that that wouldn't happen.

He hesitated for a long time about whether to knock on your door or not, but after a few minutes he finally did and was frustrated when no one answered, despite a strip of light coming through the door grate.

"Y/N, I know you’re there" he tried, but there was no response. Kaz ran a gloved hand through his hair and exhaled in frustration. "Fine, don't talk to me if you want, but that's not going to stop me from coming to tell you what I came to say," he muttered determinedly. Even trying to communicate assertively, he couldn't help but sound rude. “I didn't mean to yell at you like that when we got back from the heist, I just didn't know what else to do. And today I asked you to stay here because it could be dangerous and I'm trying to take care of you because apparently you don't give a damn about your own life, not because I hate you or because I'm upset with you. It's just that…” he was having a hard time talking, so he had to take a deep breath to collect himself a little “I worry about you. And I want you to be okay. Safe"

Kaz was silent, waiting for you to say something, but again there was nothing. He felt so foolish and embarrassed that he even thought his eyes were going to glaze over with helplessness. He was trying his best to go there, but you didn't seem to care, and honestly, he didn't blame you.

His gaze lowered to the floor, the pressing sensation of rejection flooding his chest, and only then did he notice the glow emanating from a section of the floor. With difficulty he knelt to take the substance with his fingers and his glove was stained with a fine powder that gave off an iridescent glow, which until that moment he had not realized he was scattered over various sections of the corridor. And next to that dust, there was a bloodstain.

Kaz didn't even wait for a second to lunge at your bedroom door and yank it open, which he hadn't done before out of respect for your privacy, only to realize that everything in there was turned upside down. There were remains of a smashed nightstand, books scattered on the floor, the bed in disarray, and sporadic stains of blood that he prayed weren't yours. The window was wide open and the white curtain billowed violently in the night air.

Someone had broken into your room and it wasn't hard to put the pieces together to find out what they had broken into. Someone had kidnapped you.

His eyes traveled all over the place looking for something that would give him clues and he decided to start rummaging through the books hoping to find a note, the amount for your ransom, whatever. When he read ‘We're even, Brekker’ written on yellowed paper and signed with the seal of a snake, he felt that his balance was missing.

That's why the robbery of the carriage had been so easy, because they had wanted it that way. Their plan was always to enter The Slat. You were there, alone, and they kidnapped you because Kaz had allowed it. Because in his eagerness to protect you, he had delivered you directly to the enemy.

It was all his fault.

"Jesper!" he screamed, on first impulse. He didn't know if it was difficult for him to get up from the floor due to dizziness or because of the limp “Inej! Wylan! Whoever!" he continued, wanting to get the attention of anyone who could help him. He was in a panic and he was also furious. He would be capable of torturing the men who had kidnapped you in the most horrible ways ever seen, as soon as he found out who they were.

All the people present in the building followed the sound of the boss's wailing and when they observed the state of your room a collective sigh of surprise filled the silence.

"Where is Y/N?"

“I don't know,” Kaz hissed, sounding desperate. That didn't even matter to him anymore "They took her, they set us up"

“We have to find her,” Matthias muttered, and he wanted to hit him for saying something so obvious. But he had to calm down, for everyone's sake.

"There's blood and this in the hallway," said the black-haired man, showing everyone the dust that still glittered on his glove.

"It's a trail," Wylan exclaimed, his features lighting up like when he had an idea. He stepped forward to analyze the sample and then nodded. “I gave this to her, it's a bioluminescent powder we were experimenting with. In theory, when…" he walked around the room as if looking for something until he found a box of matches that you had lying around "it comes into contact with the fire, it emits a blue flame" he explained, going into the corridor and demonstrating the information practically.

There was hope, if they hadn't taken you too far your friends might track you down and rescue you. You had been scared enough to leave a clue because you knew they would look for you.

In that moment Kaz felt so guilty that he had ever even suggested that he doubted your abilities.

“You have to follow it. We have to find where they took her right now” he ordered and, of course, no one argued. Everyone went ahead to get the necessary things to look for you and Kaz leaned against the wall for a moment, breathing slowly in an attempt to contain one of those panic attacks he sometimes felt, not imagining that this would only be the beginning of an awful night.

And the worst wasn’t over yet.

The crows moved faster and more efficiently than ever before, and within minutes Wylan had figured out how to follow the trail. Sometimes there were long lines through the streets that were lit with a single match, but other times they had to look for them more carefully and that consumed time that Kaz considered vital. Although he wasn't saying anything the others could tell that he was quite upset by the situation, so they did their best. Also, you were part of the group, so they too were extremely worried.

By the time they reached Fifth Harbor, Kaz was already burning all the way down his leg, but that didn't matter to him. They were all out of breath, but that didn't matter. And the trail ended right at the pier, but that didn't matter because they saw in the distance a boat with two robust men, one of them holding a lamp and the other struggling with a girl tied by her hands and legs who was screaming in despair.

It was you and you were yelling Kaz's name.

They rushed to find a boat tied to the dock big enough for the six of them and when, luckily, they found it they jumped on it. Matthias and Jesper were in charge of rowing and the movement did not go unnoticed by the men who had you captured, nor by you.

A feeling of relief swept through you as you realized that the silhouettes approaching you were your friends and you felt that all was not lost. Kaz thought that they had arrived just in time and that calmed him down for a second, but he didn't count on the fact that the man would lift you off the ground and, with a sharp gesture that surprised everyone, he would throw you straight into the sea.

Your cry was drowned out by the roar of the water and the black-haired man's breath caught, while everything around him was spinning again. Until then he realized the position he was in: in the middle of the immensity of the sea, in danger of drowning. It was then that the memories of his brother's body came back to him like needles sticking in and he felt like he might vomit.

Kaz didn't know how to swim and even if he had known how to at some point in his life it was now impossible due to his limping leg. But he wasn't going to let you die. He can’t.

In the midst of the attack, he was dimly aware of what was happening. You were now within safe distance of the other boat which allowed Inej to throw a knife at one of the men and Jesper took it upon himself to put a bullet into the other. In hindsight, Kaz would have wished they had stayed alive so he could take it upon himself to give them a slow and painful death. There was no point in letting the men who had kidnapped you die so mercifully.

The water was dark and they couldn't see anything, but still Matthias was the one who ventured below the surface to find your body, hoping that when he did it wouldn't be too late.

Nina kept her hands up to monitor the beating of both your hearts and the rest stood without saying anything, looking expectantly out at the water that rolled in small waves. Only Kaz's erratic breathing broke the silence of the environment.

A few seconds passed, and when there was no sign of him or you, concern gripped the group. Now there wasn’t only the fear that you wouldn't get out of the water, but also that Matthias wouldn't and thus lose two members of the group. Nina winced when she heard one of the heartbeats slowed down considerably, though she didn't comment on it to the others.

When he finally surfaced everyone was relieved to see that he wasn't alone, even if your body was just an unconscious bundle that he was pulling with difficulty.

They still put you in the canoe and you had your limbs tied with rope, so Inej was in charge of cutting them with a knife, while the others crowded around you to try to see how you were.

“She's not breathing,” Matthias gasped. Nina knelt to try to expel the water from your lungs, but for some reason your body was resisting. If she didn't get the water out of your lungs, the lack of oxygen would permanently affect your brain.

"This isn't working," she snorted after several hand movements.

It was only then that Kaz dared to look at you. You were pale, wet, and a trickle of blood was coming from your forehead and you had some bruises. He never thought that he would feel the same pain that he seized when he traveled to the coast with the lifeless body of his brother.

Wake up, he wanted to tell you, but his voice wouldn't come out. You have to wake up.

Nina kept trying and until he finally saw you jump up to vomit up the salt water, he too felt like he could breathe again.

When you finally finished inhaling the air around you everyone bombarded you with questions to check your well-being and you just nodded to them all, a little dazed and scared. Nina took it upon herself to help with the cut and bruises, while the men took up the oars again to reach the dock.

Kaz was the last to get off the boat and he was also the last to enter The Slat, as if he needed to check that the rest of you had done it, since he didn't want to leave anyone behind again. Never.

“Let me accompany you,” he said. It was the first thing he had said to you after the incident and you were so exhausted that you didn't offer any resistance. When you walked up the stairs and into your room, you thought Kaz would leave without another word, but instead he stood in front of the door.

You looked at him with a neutral expression, trying to understand what he was trying to do.

"You were very intelligent" he began to say "When you left the trail"

"Thank you," you said quietly. Your throat was a bit sore from the water you had swallowed.

"How it happened?" he asked. The trip had made you recover a bit and you were calmer than before, so you didn't mind telling him things.

“They were supposed to be looking for your office, but they saw my light on and thought it would be a better idea to go after the helpless damsel. They got in through the window and… voila,” you said bitterly, gesturing with one hand at the mess around you. “They held me here and tied me to a chair, but the knots were so painful I got free in a few minutes. They interrogated me to ask about things of value or obtain some information, but I didn't say anything. My fighting could irritate them, but I think I really pissed them off when I smashed a vase over the head of one and plunged a knife into the other's leg. Maybe that's why they decided to throw me into the sea”

Kaz was a bit dismayed at how calmly you said things and he wondered if you really didn't care or were just pretending. Although he wanted to say the same things to you that he had said to your empty room a few hours ago, the truth was that remembering it made him feel ashamed. It had been a sincere apology, but he didn't think he could say it twice.

"I'm sorry I put you in danger," he said, stepping forward for more privacy. He watched your reaction to what he said and what he did, hoping that if you were still upset you would show it. But the near-death experience seemed to soften both of you.

"Why apologize? you didn't send those guys. It was just some… being in the wrong place at the wrong time. It could have happened to anyone."

“I know, but maybe if I hadn't asked you to stay here, they wouldn't have hurt you” he admitted and although you wanted to recriminate him for that, you decided to remain silent, feeling curious as to how far he could go with that talk "And if you don't… if you hadn't been smart right now you wouldn't be here”

"But I am" you answered with determination "And that's what hurts me, Kaz, that you doubt me" you expressed. You weren't going to forget so easily what had made you walk away in the first place and you thought it was the right time for him to know what you thought about it “I made a mistake, it's true and I take responsibility for that. But you didn't have to treat me like this."

"I know that too," he hastened to say, "I don't doubt you, I never have."

“It is not noticeable. Today you pushed me aside and you told us that trust is always the most important thing. And although I was stupid, I consider that this behavior is not worthy of making you stop trusting me just like that. You know I didn't do it to screw you over, I just wanted to save her."

“It's not about that woman, I don't care about her. You know that I too would have prevented her from getting hurt if the situation arose."

“Then what is it about? Is it only the mistake of the century if I make it?”

“This is about you, Y/N” Kaz said, pointing at you with his open palm and starting to sound desperate “I got so mad because you were the one who ended up in the hands of the enemy. I hate that you act like that because I care about you too much to allow myself to lose you”

You didn't expect that and he didn't expect to say it either. It was even more embarrassing than what he had refused to tell you in the first place.

He said that he didn't want to lose you and you thought about the meaning of that expression: did he not want to lose what you brought to the team or did he not want to lose your person?

"These weeks I thought you only hated me because I made you lose money"

"Oh, I do hate you a little for that," he said, taking a surprise "Not for the money itself, but for what that money implied" there was no point in keeping secrets, if Kaz had already started to sink then he preferred to do it completely and with dignity “The club is going through some difficulties, Y/N. I sold those things so I could keep it going. Because while our criminal jobs give us some kruge, you know that the main source of income for that group is the Crow Club. Also…” he felt his breath shake and had to take a moment to calm down “I've been thinking about something these past few months. A long time ago you said that you had always wanted to go to university, do you remember?” he asked you and you nodded your head “Jesper had the opportunity, but he is a lost cause, because he prefers this kind of life to having an office job or a quiet home and I respect that. But not you, you ended up here because you had no other options” Kaz was silent, hoping that if you had something to say you would say it now, but then he continued, “And I thought if I gave you some money you would have that opportunity. That way I could get you away from all these Dregs and you'd live the way you wanted. That's why that robbery was important”

You were totally stunned.

You never expected Kaz to have that opinion of you or even care about you to the degree that he had just confessed to you. He had listened to you, had seen beyond the apparent happiness of living in The Barrel to find your true dreams, so forgotten within yourself that you no longer thought you could reveal them to anyone else.

You mistakenly believed that the only thing that mattered to Kaz Brekker was dying suffocated by piles of money, but you had just realized that the true engine of life of the black-haired man was the love he had for that peculiar family that you made up.

“You… you know that's not necessary, right? You don’t have to do it"

"But I wanted"

The gap was less since Kaz had walked towards you and you decided, venturing a bit, to take another step towards him.

"Why didn't you tell us that the club has financial problems?" you asked softly, because you thought there could be no other way to talk to him in a situation like this.

"Because it wasn't important"

"Yes, it is, Kaz" you walked in his direction again. At that distance, if you raised your hand a little, he could reach to take hers "That's the point, you decide to swallow all the problems without talking to anyone and then we have no idea what ails you or why this or that is so important. Jesus, if you had told me that money was so vital, I would have put my life into opening that vault as quickly as possible” it was at that moment that you really regretted what you had done and thought that, if possible, you would have returned in time to listen to him and not just your instincts.

"It does not matter anymore. I can't spend my life telling you all the bad things that happen around here."

“You should do it, Kaz. We are a group and we can't just enjoy the rewards without knowing the sacrifice, stop burdening yourself with that alone” he warned seriously “You take care of all of us, but then who takes care of you?”

His reaction was the same as you had a moment ago: stupefaction. Kaz didn't know at what point in his life he had to become that, but he thought that perhaps Jordie's death was decisive for him to have to fulfill the role of the person he had just lost. To be for others what no one had been for him, so they would not suffer what he had suffered. It was quite an altruistic act if he thought better of it.

But after so many years it was exhausting and he wished he could just fall into someone else's arms to rest, figuratively speaking. And there you were right in front of him, probably the person he loved the most, with an expression that reflected a willingness to listen to what he had to say.

So Kaz thought that, maybe for once, it was okay for him to be vulnerable.

“I had an older brother” he murmured, after a long while and you were a bit confused by the sudden change of subject, but you nodded your head so he knew you were listening “He died during the plague epidemic. And miss him so much"

You knew little, if anything, of the personal life of the man in front of you, so you didn't know how to react to the disclosure of that fact. You imagined a little Kaz, scared and sad because his brother was gone. You didn't think for a second about the horrible things he had to go through and that he, with some luck, would dare to tell you later.

But even with this paltry piece of information you couldn't help but feel enormous compassion. He was human, like everyone else, and he was afraid that death would come to take another person important to him. Now you understood better.

"What was his name?" you asked in a whisper, as gently as possible. Kaz was silent for a moment, reflecting no sentiment, then swallowed.

"Jordie"

You weren't going to ask him any more questions after that, you just looked into his eyes and you knew that this was his way of telling you that he trusted you to keep that shred of his past.

"Well, I think Jordie would be happy to know that now there are six of us who love you as he did" was what you replied. You didn't know if it was the answer he expected, but at least it was the one that had come from your heart. When he looked at you, you swore that his eyes were teary, although later you convinced yourself that it had only been an effect of the light.

"I hope we're fine now" he murmured, regaining his composure, referring to the problems that had existed between you after that discussion.

"Calm down, everything is fine. I know you can't live without me."

"Actually, I've had enough of Jesper seeing me with those murder-eyes."

"Then you noticed," you joked. You were completely exhausted and at that moment you were even more conscious, as if you were going to pass out the next second “Everything is fine” you repeated “I just hope this doesn't happen again. I… will try to be less impulsive. And you have to tell me if something's wrong and we'll figure it out, okay?"

Kaz hummed back and you put on a tight-lipped smile. Then you looked around you to analyze the chaos that had been left by the fight with those men, feeling exhausted just thinking that you would have to pick up the pieces of wood, the books, or clean the stains, and he realized what you were thinking by the look on your face.

“I'll send someone to clean all this up tomorrow, I promise. For now, you just… lie down”

"For the first time, I'm not going to argue with you," you laughed bitterly. Then a yawn invaded you and you felt your eyelids tremendously heavy, which he perceived. Kaz didn't want to leave there, even if you were on the verge of exhaustion, however, he didn't know what excuse to use to stay “Good night, Kaz. You should rest too"

"Yeah, um... I'll do it"

“Good”

There was silence for a few seconds.

"Have you really forgiven me?" he asked, looking to make sure you weren't upset anymore. You smiled and, amid your delirium from exhaustion, you stood on your toes to kiss him on the cheek. He paled and held his breath, but you didn't notice.

“As much as you have forgiven me for screwing up the mission. Now go and sleep"

Perhaps it was the shock of receiving something like this from you that caused Kaz to practically run out of your room, without even saying goodbye, staying in the hallway for a moment to process things. The speed of the contact hadn't given him time to panic, but that didn't stop him from feeling the pumping of his heart hammering like crazy under his chest and hot cheeks under the memory of your lips on them.

When he locked himself in his room he tried to calm down, when he was taking off his clothes to put on his pajamas he tried again, washing his hands and face, going through paperwork before going to sleep, lying down on the bed, closing the eyes... but nothing worked.

And eventually he fell asleep with the ghost of your kiss haunting him through dreams.

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #the crows #six of crows #jesper fahey #inej gafha #wylan van eck #nina zenik #mathias helvar #shadow and bone #shadow and bone netflix #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker imagine

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marsplastic13 · 1 month

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Knock knock - Part 3

Part 1

Part 2

It was a freezing Tuesday night, the crows were out to celebrate the end of an heist that required weeks of planning. Since not many people among the Dregs knew about the job, they decided to have their deserved night out in a club almost outside the Barrel, were they would not be easily recognized. Jesper extended the invitation to Vik, and even Kaz made his brief apparition for a few drinks. At some point during the night, Vik decided to head back home, since she had to work in the morning. Nina insisted that she let somone walk her home but she assured everyone that she lived nearby and there was no reason to worry.

She was half way through when she noticed a man collapsed on the ground, trembling. Vik was unsured of what to do, there was no one else around her and this man could have been dangerous. Her medik sense of duty was battling with her self-preservation instinct when she noticed a cane with a crow head near the man. Kaz.

She was quickly at his side, he seemed barely conscious. "Kaz, Kaz what happened?" she checked his pulse while he tried to get away from her hands, "I know, I know I'm sorry but you loook really bad Kaz, what is going on? Should I call someone?" Kaz's sight was blurred, he could only hear half the words she was saying, but no one could see him in that pathetic state, so he used all of his willpower to shake his head. "Okay can you stand? I can't let you here, you'll freeze to death."

She was very worried, if for some reason someone passed from there and happened to recognize him, hell would brake free. A lot of men would pay good money to have a chance at a barely concious Dirtyhands. "Leg" was all he was able to say. "Your leg hurt?" he nodded "I think you have a fever, did you had any rest in the past weeks? Your body passed his limit Kaz" He knew, he absolutly knew. But he couldn't stop, not for a moment, not when the lives of his crows depended on his meticulous plans. "I'll bring you to my house, but you'll have to stand okay? Tell me when you're ready". She saw him trying to formulate an answer "No one is going to see you Kaz, I'm your medik, its my job to help you."

Her words convinced him to gave in and he tried to get on his feet, leaning heavily on the girl, putting his arm around her shoulders, while she passed her arm around his waist. "How do you-" Vik was interrupted by the boy starting to puke. The pain of getting up was too much. "Okay try to breath" he felt her cleaning his face from vomit and sweat "Yes, you're doing a good job, know here's your cane, I can make you feel a bit better until we arrive at my place but I'll have to touch your bare skin alright?" he nodded frantically, he would have done anything to get out of that situation.

"Good, I'll take your hand, you'll feel better but it's temporarily okay? When we arrive I'll check you properly". She removed one of his gloves, took his hand and his mind felt clearer, his pain felt distant. "Talk only if you have to puke again, we're almost there. Saints, you're heavier than you Iook". Vik had no idea of how she managed to drag him up for a flight of stairs, but there they were, in front of her apartment's door. "I'm going to leave your hand, you're going to feel really bad" he nodded, preparing himself. In any other situation, the accondescending tone she was using would have make him go crazy, but in that moment when his thoughts were all mixed up, he felt almost grateful that she was explaining everything like he was a child. "There you are" she left his hand and he collapsed back into her.

"Not... safe" Kaz muttered while she unlocked her door. He wanted to say that her lock was not safe but everything felt blurred. Vik dragged him on her bed, then lighted a few candles. She helped him remove his coat and his dirty shirt. Then, she took a cloth and some water to clean his sweat. "Kaz I can give you something for the pain and to sleep off the fever but you have to be good and tell me every medicine you take alright?". He used all of his strenght to give her the names and the doses of what he usually took, only after a long moment he noticed that she was writing everything with one hand while her other hand was back into his.

He felt too bad to process how that was making him feel. "Great, and how about illegal ones?" She kept watching her paper, he esitated. "Kaz I've been trained for this, I can see that you take drugs sometimes, and I'm not judging you, no one can imagine how much pain you feel everyday" still no answer "I would really like if what I'm about to give you doesn't make you od on my bed, okay?" he sighed. He always managed to keep that part him to himself, even Inej had never known those kind of secrets. He never wanted to make his people be worried about him or to think at him like someone that needed help. But this was an entirerly different situation, and he would not die because he felt ashamed, so he took a shaky breath and gave her the names. "Okay good, and what have you taken today?" "Didn't had time". She nodded and left to look for a strong painkiller. A new wave of pain washed over him when her hand left his.

"Hope you're not afraid of needles" he extended his arm while she prepared the syringe. A sudden relief came from the puntcure, Kaz closed his eyes breathing in deeply. "I'm leaving next you a bucket if you feel like throwing up again, I'll take a quick shower and try to clean up your shirt" she noticed he must've fallen asleep faster then she predicted, "You fucking scared me Kaz" she whispered moving his hair awawy from his forehead "sweet dreams" "No dreams" he mumbled before starting to snore lightly. Vik shaked her head while reaching her little bathroom, under the hot water she was finally able to let go that night's stress. The boy didn't notice when she climbed into bed next to him, and he didn't woke up when she left the next morning.

Still with his eyes shut, Kaz felt awake. His mind was clear, his pain at the usual level. He could sense there was sunlight in his face, weird, he never left his curtains open. That wasn't his room. He opened his eyes, the brightness was too much to focus on the surroundings, but covering with his hand, he found himself in someone else's bed. Slowly, memories from the night before started to resurface. The job, the bar, the alley when his body rivolted against him, Vik's worried face. He sat on the edge of the bed, with his head in his hands. He felt the start of a migraine forming in the back of his mind, probably because he couldn't remember the last time he ate. After a few deep breaths, he saw a note on the handstand.

Good morning sunshine! When I left earlier you looked so peaceful that I couldn't bring me to wake you up. You should eat, I left you something sweet and something savory on my desk (I have no idea of what you prefer). You'll find there a pill for the migraine you probably have right now, but please eat and drink a lot of water before you take it (it will pierce a hole in your stomach if you don't, I swear). I tried to clean your shirt, it's in the bathroom. I should be back around 4, don't leave before, I want to be sure you're fine (please!). In the mean time, my home is all yours.

-V

Kaz shaked his head and got up to take the painkiller. Next to it there was a cream and chocolate pastry and what looked like an ham sandwich. Vik actually went out to buy him breakfast. The pill wouldn't actually make a hole in his stomach, right? After the past night experience, he didn't really felt like testing his body, so he recluctanly sat at the table and ate the pastry. To ignore how good it felt to eat something, Kaz looked through the papers left on the desk. There were mainly medicine books, with her notes all over the margins.

After a while, the boy started pacing around the apartment: her flat was made of large room, with a bed, a table that she probably used more to study than for eating, a library filled with books, a few cupboards that he guessed was her kitchen, and a wardrobe. Then there was a small bathroom, the door didn't close properly, it needed fixing for sure. The first thing he noticed there was the strong smell of vanilla, all of her products were vanilla flavored. His shirt was almost dry but he put it on anyway, drowning in her sweet perfume. Then he proceded to inspect all of her locks and windows, that house was absolutely not safe. It was absurd that no one had already tried to brake in.

When Vik came back home, she found Kaz weirdly tapping on one of the window's lock with one of his picks, his head leaned on it, listening. "Hey you're awake!" the sudden noise made him snap out of his focus and bang his head on the metal part of the window. "Oh shit are you okay?" he nodded massagging his forehead. She made a few steps in his direction, then stopped "Wait I had a shift in the Infective deseases wing, I should take a shower before staying close to anyone".

She emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a short black robe, her wet hair were letting water drops slip on her face and neck. Kaz found himself following one of those drops along her features, until it disapperead between her breasts. "Kaz are you listening to me?" He cleared his voice and diverted his gaze to the ceiling "I was distracted" he mumbled. Vik grinned, getting closer to him "How do you feel?" She was so close she just whispered, laying her hand on his forehead to check his temperature, while locking eyes with his. "Good, I feel good" her hand felt so hot against his skin that it didn't bother him. After years and years of shying away from human contact, Kaz could feel her delicate hand without flinching. "What are you doing?" He found himself whispering too. "Is it working?" She tilted her head a bit and moved her hand on his cheek, without breaking eye contact. "Yes".

She pulled away smiling. Keep touching me, don't leave. "I figured it's the cold that really bothers you, I tried to increase my temperature, guess it was a good call". He didn't know what to say, it was simple and brilliant at the same time. "So how's your leg? Your head? Everything alright?" Kaz nodded distractly, "I can fix your locks" Thank you for taking care of me. Her smile grew "You can? It would be amazing Kaz" he nodded moving away from her, towards the windows "Your door is not safe enough, I'll take care of that too" "Kaz" she moved a bit closer, her desire for touching him was becoming too strong and it took a lot of strenght to stay where she was. "You know you don't owe me anything, right? I did what I had to, it was not a favor you have to return" "I know" But I don't know how to say how grateful I am. She watched him with an worried frown.

"Where did you sleep last night?" he blurted out. Why do I keep saying stupid things? She didn't have a couch, so it was obvious that- "In my bed, next to you" Vik looked surprised, maybe for the first time after he asked her to work for him. "Is there a problem? I really didn't felt like sleeping on the floor and I promise no one tried to cuddle the other" Kaz had no idea what to respond, probably because he had no idea of where he thought he was going with that question. Better if he left before other stupid shit found its way to his mouth.

"I should go now, I'll come back tomorrow for the locks" He crossed the room, hand already on the doorknob. "Great, I'll see you around 7?" She leaned on the wall beside the door. Kaz nooded, for a moment his gaze shifted on her lips. "Can you-" "The bathroom door, yes, see you tomorrow".

Vik closed the door behind him, letting out a breath. Did she really just put her hand on Dirtyhands' face and lived to tell others?

The next day, at 7 sharp, Kaz arrived with tools and new locks. And it went on for a few days. He would arrive, start to work on what was left from the day before and then the girl would remember about a broken drawer, an unstable shelf, and they would spend another evening chatting, eating something when she managed to convince him and walking together to The Slat when she had to work. She even made him laugh a couple of times.

That night, a fight broke out at The Crow Club, and Kaz got out with a bloody nose and a sharp pain in his bad knee. The other guy had it much worse. Normally he would just ignore it, but Vik was at The Slat for another few hours, so he guessed why not?

He found her outside smocking with Jesper and other Dregs "Oh Gods Kaz, that nose is broken" Please, help me. He was about to respond that his nose was just bleeding when he noticed her wide eyes, eyebrows raised. Kaz frowned, was she trying to signal him something? She made an almost invisible nod. "Yes, definitely broken. Come on I don't pay you to chat" He said annoyed, and disappeared inside the building without sparing her another glance.

Vik entered the infirmary a moment after him. "Thank the ugly Saints that you arrived" "Did something happened?" He sat on the bed and she came closer to look at his nose. "That Erin or Eric, I dont know, was becoming a little handsy and Jesper kept ignoring my signals" Kaz snorted "I don't think Jasper even noticed your signals. What was Erin doing?" " Just touching my arms, he tried to put his arm around me a few times" she released a breath "I know it's not that bad but I felt really uncomfortable" "Hey it's not your fault, he shouldn't had tried to touch you in whatever form if you don't want to" And I'm going to brake all of his fingers with my cane. "Thanks Kaz, I think you're all fixed, your nose stopped bleeding and you can take this pill for the knee"

"Good" he was back on his feet in front of her. "l'Il see you tomorrow? At your house?" he said clearing his voice and cursing himself. What am I doing? She delicately gripped his arm "Kaz..." "Yes?" Vik let out a nervous giggle "I think you fixed everything in my house at least two times". Kaz chuckled, biting his lower lip. The boy took a moment looking around "Yeah, well, I figured I'm a very bad handyman or you're more clumsy than you look". The truth was that they both tried to extend their evenings together as much as possible. Did she broke a few things on purpose? Maybe. And did he took an enormous amount of time to repair things? Also maybe.

"I don't want this to end Kaz, I genuinely liked spending time with you and I know that if I just walk out that door we'll act as if nothing happened and I'm not letting that happen". He raised his gloved hand to put her hair behind her ear, and after a moment of hesitation, his fingers started to trace the line of her jaw. "This is a very bad idea" he whispered "I know" "I'm a dangerous man with a dangerous job" "I won't wait up" A genuine smile took place on his face, making her grin. "I have a lot of powerful enemies" "I'll learn how to fight". Kaz's hand was behind her neck. "There are things that I dont know if I can ever give you" his voice was almost inaudible "I don't want anything you can't give me". "If we really do this, it's not going to be easy, Viktoria" "I want this". Vik carefully rested her hand on his chest. She could feel his heart at an impossible rate. "You're going to give yourself an heart attack" "I hope it's worth it then". He leaned towards her, slowly brushed his lips against hers. "May I?" "Please Kaz". And so he kissed her. A real, breathtaking kiss.

At the end, they were grinning like teenagers. "How about I go to break Erin's fingers and then I'Il walk you home?" "Can you break his fingers after taking me home? I don't want him to ask me to repair them". Kaz looked at her with his eyebrows raised "I think the Dregs have a really bad influence on you".

"Oh but it's such a romantic story Vik" said Jasper in awe "How I wish I could tell someone" she laughed "Kaz would have your head on a silver plate" before Jasper could respond, they heard the unmistakeble noise of a cane behind them "Why would I have his head on a silver plate?"

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker fanfic

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she-posts-nerdy-stuff · 11 months

Text

Grishaverse textposts I made from things my friends and I have actually said. In real life

(Part 14)

Jesper: It’s like one of those long red peppers so if you put it in your mouth it looks like a tongue

Kaz: Can’t say I’ve ever done that

Inej: No…

Jesper: *awkwardly glances the other way then continues eating*

Tolya, about 2 seconds away from a breakdown: I don’t know what I’m gonna do with my life

Tamar: Well, you know what the plan is if all else fails

Tolya: Open a bookstore cafe?

Tamar: Yeah, or become a failed poet

Tolya: Yeah I cou- Why failed!!??? How little faith do you have in my poetry!!!???

Tamar: Well lots of your favorites didn’t get appreciated until they died, did they? - like Blake, you love Blake!

Tolya, sadly: I do love Blake

Tolya: you could seduce me with food, but not the sex

Wylan, with zero context: I think we’re all rats.

Everyone:

Jesper: I think I’d be a frog

Wylan: Ok if anyone’s a frog it would be Jesper or Nina, but all the rest of us are definitely rats.

#grishaverse #leigh bardugo #six of crows #crooked kingdom #inej ghafa #nina zenik #kaz brekker #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #matthias helvar #kanej #wesper #helnik #soc incorrect quotes #incorrect quotes #my friends as the grishaverse

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justdaphne · 10 months

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The Crows during Barbenheimer

Kaz

You can tell what color he’s already wearing. LITERALLY straight out of Oppenheimer.

“Kaz can you get Barbie tickets I already got Oppenheimer”

“6 tickets” “for Oppenheimer?” *stares* “Barbie”

Kaz was awake during the whole duration of Oppenheimer. He actually liked it.

Of course, he understands it. Everything. Afterwards, he had a discussion with Wylan for better bomb creations

“KAZZZZ I DONT GET ITTTT” “not everyone has the level of intelligence to.”

For Barbie, Nina managed to sneak some pink paint onto his coat

Honestly, he didn’t like it but he understood the message and was there for Inej (only) who was probably getting a tad bit emotional (who else wasn’t) So he tried his best to comfort her.

Jesper

A pink atomic bomb dropped on him

“CMON BARBIE LET’S GO PARTY I’M A BARBIE GIRL IN A BARBIE WORLD ..” He’s been singing that song non-stop.

Jesper slept during Oppenheimer. He was probably most awake during THAT scene though.

“I DONT GET IT WHAT DOES IT MEAN” “What did he say?” “HUHHHH” “WHEN IS THIS OVERRRRR” “Wylan this is YOUR THING”

“JESPER STFU”

A whole different person during Barbie. Got the Barbie popcorn, Barbie tumblr, even decorated his guns pink.

After the movie? A sobbing mess.

“I am Kenough. I AM KENOUGH.”

Continues not stopping to sing Barbie girl

Inej

Personally, I think she wore a less flashy color of pink..so dark pink? (Does she even have pink?) Well Nina helped.

“Inej what’s he doing?” yeah she does the explaining but not all of it BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE KEEP TALKING DURING THE MOVIE, SO SHE LOSES FOCUS ON WHAT THEY’RE SAYING.

“Please don’t tell me you plan on recreating that bomb Kaz”

She probably felt bored in some of the scenes.

During Barbie she had the time of her life. Laughing (Kaz was somewhat smiling because of that) Dancing in her seat during uplifting music playing and also tearing up. Especially during that line about the struggles of women.

She felt Kaz’s hands squeezing hers.

Pretty much comforting everyone else after the whole film (Mom of the group thingssssss)

Wylan

I think he’d wear black with a tad bit of pink to match both movies

HE ABSOLUTELY LOVEDDD OPPENHEIMER. He found it so interesting. Also inspiring maybe

“Maybe I can.. NO I WON’T”

Father son moment with Kaz about stuff . They were talking about everything that happened but most importantly if Wylan could recreate it but that’s dumb hahaaha Inej stopped it right away

HE ALSO ABSOLUTELY LOVED BARBIE. Ryan Gosling.

Laughing, dancing, crying too but he had to comfort Jesper.

The only person he could deeply analyse the movie with was Inej because everyone else was busy crying, comforting or Kaz.

“I loved how ..”

Nina

Dressed in absolutely the Barbiest pink you can imagine. And a cowboy hat.

In Oppenheimer she can literally tell who a character is played by. “IS THAT DEVIN BOWSTICK”

Most definitely awake during THAT scene. “I have a crush on Florence Pugh.”

After that, she doesn’t understand a thing. BOMBS. EXPLOSION. CILLIAN. that’s it.

She needed a whole 30 minute explain video.

“I come out of the cinema as J R Oppenheimer.”

“Nina, you know nothing about quantum physics.”

Like Jesper, SOOO HYPED FOR BARBIE. BARBIE GIRL. BARBIE WORLD. MARGOT ROBBIE. MOSTLY MARGOT ROBBIE.

“WATCH ME. DAAAAANCCEEEEE DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY”

A sobbing mess pt 2

But it’s fine because Barbie World started playing so she’s dancing again. With puffy eyes. #moodswings

“That..was a cinematic masterpiece. *intellectual statement*” but like 2 business days after the movie because she needed time to process and think and recover.

Matthias

Nina would PERSONALLY make Matthias try out a whole wardrobe. Black? Pink? Black AND Pink??????

“Nina, let me wear whatever I want”

“NO.”

He’s just there because Nina is there. Probably judges the whole Oppenheimer movie.

“Is that ethical?” “Is that reasonable?” “IS THAT BIBLICAL?”

But overall he probably was just silent during Oppenheimer.

But of course, he does have some statements about the movie #critic101 .

“So Matthias what do you think?” “It was a cinematic masterpiece.. Christopher Nolan.. *blah blah blah*”

He secretly enjoyed Barbie. Secretly. Maybe he said it was too girly for him but he secretly liked it.

“I’M JUST KEN ANYWHERE ELSE I’D BE A TEN”

Of course, he comforts Nina because she’s sobbing. Hugs her. Kisses her. And reassures her.

He tells her that he’s grateful for someone like her in his life and he thanks her for being as strong as she is no matter how hard it is. Which makes her cry harder.

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unrequitedloveletter · 1 year

Note

Hi! I’m back :] im here to request a platonic!crows x reader kind just want some hurt/comfort I’m feeling pretty bad atm and just don’t do well w asking for comfort?? So could I request a reader who’s just having a bad time,nothing super specific just like feeling Sad more than usual and like being a bit more distant/distracted? If your not up for writing this that’s perfectly fine too :] Have a nice day! -🍒Anon

Come Home- Platonic! crows x reader

Hi! This one is hitting really fuckin close to home right now but selfishly, I could use a good cry and I'm in the same boat as you, so we're all good!

I'm sorry you've not been feeling too great lately and I am sending you hugs and a mug of your preferred hot drink of choice! I also hope you feel better and am sending good vibes your way :)

Fic type- this is hurt/comfort but pretty heavy on the comforting!

Warnings- mentions and depictions of general sadness, mention of lack of sleep/trouble sleeping both generally and due to sadness, mentions of being unable to reach out to people in search of comfort or a place to vent, mentions of being distant (emotionally) and also isolating oneself, a 'there but not there' kind of sadness, mentions of retreating into your own thoughts/mind

The crows couldn't quite say who'd noticed it first amongst them. Nina was pretty sure they'd all noticed it around the same time, could remember the fact that it was a date in the middle of the Spring.

You'd spent a lot of time in your room in the Slat, not really talking to anyone, seemingly both content and somehow discontent in the idea of burrowing into your own thoughts, retreating into your own mind.

When you were with the others, you were distant. It was like you were there but not there all the same, responding to conversations and laughing occasionally, but Nina could see it.

She knew what it looked like to be wrapped up in ones own thoughts, and recognizing it within you was like seeing water in the middle of the ocean; it was about as obvious as the day was long.

Wylan and Jesper and Matthias picked up on that, too, then Inej and Kaz. They'd all picked up on it the same day, and were sitting at a U-shaped booth in the Crow Club to discuss it in the days after they'd noticed.

"They're not the type to ask for help," Matthias noted. "I think they'd rather struggle in silence most days then reach out and vent to someone."

"They don't directly ask to be comforted or seek out things that people would typically find comforting," Inej noted. "I don't think I've ever seen them hug someone or be hugged themselves. They handle their emotions internally, it seems."

"How do we comfort someone who does not want to be comforted?" Matthias asked. "How on earth are we meant to be subtle about it?"

"The rest of us can worry about that," Jesper said. "Matthias, Kaz, don't you worry a hair on your pretty little heads."

"Hugs and arms around shoulders aren't always how it's done," Kaz said. "There are a thousand other ways, Jesper. Comfort doesn't just have to be about physically touching someone."

"Nice gestures," Nina suggested. "I didn't think you had a nice bone in your body. I'm pleased to be wrong in that."

"Pleased to have been underestimated," Kaz said. "Matthias, you're not touch averse. We are not one and the same, so you'll just have to figure it out on your own."

Matthias scoffed, and Kaz spoke the word before he got the chance to whisper it.

"Demjin," Kaz said, taking delight in Matthias' scowl.

"All right," Wylan said. "Our plan is figured out. Find ways to subtly comfort the one of us who needs comforting and just hope they don't notice? How long do we keep that up?"

"Until they notice or they feel better," Nina said. "It's--it's whichever comes first. Stop asking questions. We'll work out the rest of the details as we go along."

Everyone nodded. Whatever qualms anyone else had about the plan went unsaid, and the world around the six of them settled with the knowledge that they were going to help you feel better, even if you never caught on.

If you never noticed, if you thought your mood was brightening naturally, if you never figured it out and never said the profuse thanks that Nina knew you would've, that would've been fine. It would've been great because you were fine again, and in the end, that was all any of them wanted.

"Brought you a coffee," Jesper said, passing you the to-go mug as he found you in the Slat. "Kaz and I were in the Harbor. Kaz needed a dose of caffeine and I figured you'd probably done without."

"It's seven and a half bells in the morning. You were on the Harbor to scout before we left, and Kaz found the time for a pit stop?"

"I did things more efficiently then he'd expected," Jesper said with a charming grin. "Had twenty kruge. Grabbed Wylan a tea, gave it to him by the Crow Club. We leave for Ravka in a quarter of an hour, and it'll take us that time to get from here to Inejs berth. Your things are on her boat?"

"Matthias helped me take my things to the boat after Nina had the gall to wake me at five bells and then bribe me with waffles. I felt like a bunny with a carrot being dangled over its head."

Jesper noticed, though, that you were smiling.

"Thank you for the coffee," you said. "Saints, was the sleepy time tea a mistake. Do you know if Kaz has any jurda on him?"

"You've been having trouble sleeping?" Jesper asked. "I mean--he's finnicky with his coffee and the grounds he imports are delayed by two weeks, so he does. He's been keeping an eye on the shipments because the idiot would rather chew his way through a mile and a half of jurda before he listened to his bodys calling for sleep."

"As for the trouble sleeping--yes. It's been a rough few weeks and my sleeping has been impacted a bit. Didn't get much before, but now it's worse. Sleepy time tea has made me sluggish even though I've been awake for two and a half hours now. The box did say that was a risk, though," you said. "As for the jurda, I'm in desperate need."

"Lucky for you, I miscalculated the amount coming in our last shipment. I've been selling it at the Crow Club to keep the pigeons at the tables longer but we've still got a surplus," Kaz said, passing you a small black velvet pouch with jurda inside.

"How long on the boat?" Jesper asked.

"A week and a half, but the boat we've got is slower then the Ferolind, so it might take as long as it took to get to Fjerda."

"Good thing I thought to get books for the trip then," you said, smile prickling the edges of your lips when you noticed Jespers expression of terror. "Wylans bringing his flute, Jes. You'll be fine."

You took a sip of your coffee as Jesper gave a shake of his head.

"You say that I'll be fine, but you'll see. At the end of our first week, I'll be begging Wylan to play something slow so that I'll fall asleep and you can toss me overboard and have me drown in peace."

"You'll manage," Kaz cut in. "You managed the first time around, didn't you?"

"Just barely," Jesper said exasperatedly. The three of you left the Slat, Wylan joining you as he walked out of the Crow Club.

You took another sip of your coffee, sighed as the contentment you'd missed creeped back in just a bit. Things had been terrible for weeks, a general feeling of sadness having wormed its way into your heart and left you feeling like a shell of the person you were. That was the first decent--albeit early--morning you'd had in what felt like forever.

Nina and Matthias were sitting on one end of the ship, you and Inej sat together on the other, in the elevated area that was reserved for the captain to keep watch of the boat and manage the wheel.

The only sound to disturb you was the waves, and it didn't disturb you at all as you leaned back in your chair and continued on with your fifth book in a week. It was a book you'd not particularly enjoyed, and a last minute grab. It was a book of sonnets that you'd grabbed on the off chance you'd be in a sonnet-y mood, and thus far, it seemed you were not.

Wylan had begun to play the flute from somewhere near the center of the ship, and as you heard it, you smiled. You looked away from your book for a moment, glancing at Wylan as you closed it, having given up.

Nina couldn't blame you for that as she noticed it, though. It grew boring to read sonnets about the love someone felt for one singular person after you'd read two of them. She had not a single clue as to how you'd managed to read fifty.

You settled simply to observe the world around you instead of reading, thumb idly tapping along to the beat of Wylans tune against the surface of the hardcover book you had in your lap.

She looked at your eyes. She knew what it looked like when a person was distant and she knew what it looked like when, albeit slowly, that person was coming back to the rest of the world.

Come on back, Y/N, she thought. We've missed you. Come back to us.

She caught your grin, caught Jesper rushing up the steps to the captains watching port. She saw him reach for your hand and grab Inejs as well. Wylan started playing a dancing song and everyone on the ship was all smiles.

Even the crew was looking giddy, though their expressions only brightened when Inej signaled for them to take a break for a dance or two.

Hell, even Nina was smiling, having only realized it when she looked at Matthias and saw he was grinning as he squeezed her hand and pulled her up, their laughter coming up naturally as they rushed toward you and Inej and Jesper.

Someone--probably Specht, as he'd unearthed a talent for it in the weeks before--was playing a violin to go along with Wylans flute. You were beaming, and Nina was beaming, and Inej and Matthias and Jesper were all smiles.

Nina caught your gaze. Just a bit more, Y/N, she thought. Come home.

You were laughing as you turned and caught sight of it, Kaz standing to Wylans left, face only slightly turned to the waves so that nobody would see his grin.

You met Ninas gaze, wiped away a tear as she gave a joyous holler.

"Yes!" she shouted. "Yes!"

"Why are you acting like someone has thrown millions of kruge on the deck?" Jesper asked.

They're home, Nina thought. The distant look in their eyes is gone. Maybe not forever, maybe just for now, but it's good enough for me.

"I'm just so happy," she said. "Oh, I love moments like these. I love them with my whole heart. They remind me of home, of dancing with classmates by the tea samovars the minute we heard music."

Inej was hugging you as tightly as she could. "Better?" she asked. "Jesper mentioned it's been a rough time."

"Better than I was, yeah," you said. Inej pulled away and the music dulled, the moment becoming somber.

Wylan joined up, as did Kaz, and you were faced by the six people you loved the most in the entirety of the world. All of them had been trying to comfort you in the two weeks before you'd boarded the boat and in the week since you had. They'd been trying to go for subtility, but you'd noticed, and you appreciated it relentlessly.

"Thank you guys," you said. "For all of it."

"You noticed?" Matthias asked.

"You laughed at my jokes, Matthias. Nina, you offered me your toffees several times. You've never done that before. Kaz has brought me books and given me jurda and let me refuse on jobs wherein I was necessary. He's said that he would find someone else if I couldn't do it and he's said it in a way that wasn't malicious. He's told me a number of times that he understands what it is to be in pain, though he admits his is a different kind. He's given me several passes when the pain was most unbearable," you said.

"Inej has let me exist in the silence and not say a damn thing, she's swayed with me to the music we hear while wandering about in the mostly empty bodegas and boutiques. Wylan has willingly played the flute and the pianoforte around even people he does not feel secure because it might just have made me smile, he's tried to get me laugh so many times in the past month that I have entirely lost count."

"Jesper, you brought me coffee and leant me your Ketterdam uni jumper. You joke more than Wylan does, and your reassurances were near constant. I know you probably didn't want me to notice, but I did. Thank you."

Everyone--excluding Kaz, of course--pulled you into a hug. Nina was more relieved then not that you'd noticed, relieved that you were feeling better than you had three weeks before. She was happy you were okay, happy that you were smiling and that you were going to be okay eventually, even if it took time to get there.

Everyone pulled away eventually, and you gave Kaz a nod. You received a nod in return and knew that it was enough.

Being with your friends on a boat on the way to a job was enough, certainly.

#kaz brekker #inej ghafa #nina zenik #matthias helvar #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #kaz brekker x reader #inej ghafa x reader #nina zenik x reader #matthias helvar x reader #jesper fahey x reader #wylan van eck x reader #six of crows #shadow and bone #shadow and bone netflix

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mysticmiav · 5 months

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I wanna talk about Inej cuz GOD I love her so much. Her intro scene is one that I think goes not talked about enough which I think is a crime against humanity and I WILL be making my case your honour so buckle up.

This concerns scenes from SoC as well as CK, so be warned, a load of spoilers ahead.

So in that first chapter of SoC we are introduced to this absolute badass of a girl. She walks silently, steals secrets and defies gravity. The name they call her? The Wraith. How badass is that? God spared yall (and maybe even me but especially my parents) cuz if I was still doing gymnastics I would've broken my ankle trying to be a fraction of as cool as she is cuz fuck you Newton and fuck your gravity laws.

She is smart and quick witted; the whole scene at the exchange, Kaz counting on her to take care of the second guard, knowing she'll figure it out and manage, and her indeed making it on time.

But no, not only that. This deadly storm of a girl not only holds this guard at knifepoint, saving Kaz's ass from an embarrassing plan gone awry, being shot and possibly even death. She goes on and says, and I quote, "I like it when men beg, but this isn't the time for it."

????? Weird way of asking for my hand in marriage but all the same, yes.

We get to see that deadly, fear-worthy side of her, we see how she's an actual threat people take into account, cue the slippery edges so as to make her climbs harder (fools really, as if some grease and oil would stop her of all things)

But as if that wasn't enough, we also learn of the beliefs she holds dear and her kindness. The way she hesitates about leaving Big Bol alone after everyone else leaves, torn on saving him, getting him help or putting him out of his misery, and ends up sparing him a parting prayer.

She's someone who's been through unimaginably lot of shit, never seemed to catch a break, from being literally ripped away from her family, sent across the ocean and sold to the menagerie, a never ending stream of painful and shameful experiences in her life as an indenture there, and then trading that life for one of killing and stealing, and despite it all, despite all she's gone through and all she's seen, she holds dearly to her faith, to her memories and her hopes of better days, of a world free from this kind of pain. Arguably even more so because of her experiences.

She wonders if her Saints would forgive her if she took Van Eck's life not out of necessity, but out of revenge. Either way, she was willing to spend a lifetime of repenting and take that chance.

But even beyond that, she's faithful beyond belief. Jan-if I ever commit a hate crime it'd be against this miserable excuse of a man-van Eck, while not having actually broken her legs (although his only reason for stopping being Inej's words) it was evident he was willing to, he was going to, and he made it clear he still might on the next day if she doesn't talk by then.

Fast forward to the one and only "I would have come for you, and if I couldn't walk, I'd crawl to you," scene (am combusting as well I know).

I find it to be heavily implied which lengths Inej was willing to go before Jan managed to draw a word out of her; her asking Kaz if he would have come for her when she couldn't scale walls or steal secrets for him anymore implies, in my opinion, what she already saw as the outcome of her captivity at Van Eck's hands. She already was thinking of that future, not just because of that growing, nagging doubt of her role in Kaz's life (whether she really was only an investment or if he'd cared in any way more than that about her), but also because no matter what, she wouldn't have given her crew away like that. She already made up her mind; she'd give that icky bastard some locations that had nothing to do with this, and Jan could break every bone in her body but will find no words of hers helpful, and I just worry of and for that girl.

She made that six-story high climb up a burning chimney with a tight time span, she climbed silos that are twenty storys high with an even tighter window of time, she walked a wire on that height and would've walked many more had things gone according to plan (thanks, Dunyasha), she climbed up shipping containers with a knife stabbed at her side, more or less to ensure she did her best for the crew that was counting on her. She would rather end it herself than find herself captive in those enemy's hands, this playing both into her loyalty as well as her history with captivity and what it meant for her.

She is the Wraith, with a reputation that proceeds her, and she also knows how crucial her skills are, how much her crew depends on her, how many of the plans center on and are weaved around her abilities, but she is also fully aware of her limits, fully acknowledging of her betters (Dunyasha you scare me, genuinely). She is religious and holds her faith very dear, but has made peace with the lives she's taken and will continue to take.

Many people see her as Dirtyhand's Wraith and fear her for her association with him, for his uses of her and the things she does at his bidding, but she is scary in her own light and I don't think people should fuck with that.

When she came for Pekka that night, carved in knife right above his heart, promised him a second slash if he thinks of coming back to Ketterdam, she made the once-proclaimed king of the barrel remember pain and fear.

And as if that didn't shake the man enough, she also made sure to replace his son's lion stuffed doll with a fucking crow, so that he'd see it when he inevitably ran to check in on his kid amidst his blood and panic. She gave this man enough mental damage to warrant endless psychiatric help and a lifetime of cowering, fear and paranoia (totally warranted am 100% in support)

She wears her heart on her sleeve; not in the sense of being naive, but in the sense of not being scared of displaying her emotions and thoughts. Her sentiments aren't random, because she always made it clear she cares for the people around her, she will go out of her way to protect them at her own expense and she will nurture those friendships she's built. Her suli subverbs and beliefs don't come off as a surprise, not to anyone around her and not to us as readers because she proudly displays her faith.

Many times, it felt like people, even Kaz, saw her faith as her weakness, something to be exploited, her sentiments something to poke fun at and use to taunt her with, but it's what makes her stronger. It's these thoughts and feelings that keep her going and keep her fighting. It's these friendships and heartfelt moments that she pushes herself over the edge for, and it's that dream just out of reach that rekindles her spirits even brighter than ever, and there's something so beautiful and heartwarming in it and about her that I can honestly spend this new year dissecting and talking about because am insufferable with a rotting hyperfixation. Why are you still here? Jkjk thankyou for reading this brain vomit of thoughts see you in my next tedtalk maybe. Btw if it wasn't glaringly clear I love SoC and Inej lol

#inej #inej ghafa #inejghafa #six of crows inej #six of crows #soc #soc fandom #soc inej #grisha #grishaverse #six of crows spin off #six of crows spoilers #mia talks books ig #welcome to my brain rot #six of crows fandom

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thebadgerclan · 11 months

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The Panther and The Fox

Pairing: Nikolai Lantsov x reader

Requested by @imabee-oralizard

Summary: Sturmhond needs a job done...

Few things were certain in Ketterdam, but one thing was: when Sturmhond came to town, your life was about to get a lot more interesting. You’d been in the common area of the Slat, helping Inej clean her blades, when Kaz had entered, the privateer trailing behind him. “New job,” Kaz called, getting everyone’s attention. “N–Sturmhond has requested our assistance.”

“What exactly will we be assisting with?” Jesper asked from his seat on the couch, his arm draped across Wylan’s shoulders. Sturmhond stepped forward, clearing his throat. “A rather large and valuable sapphire has been lifted from the vaults in Os Alta. Rumor has it that it’s found its way here. I was enlisted to find the gem and bring it home, and I found myself thinking ‘who in Ketterdam could help me?’”

“And we’re what you came up with?” you asked, drawing Sturmhond’s attention. “Well,” the privateer replied. “Your boss once helped me lift nearly 1 ton of titanium from a heavily guarded shipyard, I’d say finding and lifting a sapphire is within your skillset. And might I ask…” Sturmhond moved to stand before you, taking your hand in his. “What a stunningly beautiful woman such as yourself is doing in the Barrel?”

It seemed Sturmhond wasn’t beating around the bush. You pulled your hand back, setting Inej’s knife on the table. “The same as everyone here: trying to survive. And it’s pretty bold for a pirate to question me, don’t you think?” You rose from your seat and made your way upstairs to gather what you’d need for the job, and as you left, you heard Sturmhond mutter, “privateer!” under his breath.

***

This was what the Crows did best: plotting and scheming. The six of you–Kaz, Inej, Jesper, Wylan, Sturmhond, and yourself–stood around the table, papers and blueprints covering the surface. You pointed to one of the portraits, Ericson Hills, a young and inexperienced mercher. “He’s been bragging about a ‘new acquisition’ straight from Os Alta,” you explained. “Saying that he wants to give it to his new lady friend, but it’s ‘too gaudy’ and ‘likely to be stolen by some Barrel rats’.”

Sturmhond nodded. “So you’re not just a pretty face,” he said with a smirk. “But sharp as a tack, too.” It was almost painful how obvious he was being, and you’d be lying if you said he didn’t give you butterflies. It was Sturmhond for Ghezen’s sake, the world renowned privateer. And thanks to Kaz, you knew that he was indeed King Nikolai. But watching his flirt and flounder was too fun, so you decided to let it play out for a bit longer.

“You know what else is sharp, sailor boy?” you quipped. “The daggers I keep up my sleeves. Pray you don’t get the chance to see them.” Your words were harsh, but you said them with a smirk, so Sturmhond knew the chase was still on. Kaz obnoxiously cleared his throat, rolling his eyes at you. “Now, the plan: Inej will stake out Hills’ manor, learn the guards' routes. Wylan will make a few flash bombs, and Jesper will be on scene in case of any trouble.

“Once the coast is clear, Inej will get Y/N inside. Y/N will find the sapphire and replace it with a decoy. With any luck, we’ll be in and out with no trouble.” “I’m sorry,” Sturmhond said. “I thought Inej was the stealthy one?” Jesper laughed. “There’s a reason they call Y/N The Panther. She’s quick, nimble, eerily silent. And she’s got a knack for memorization.”

It was true. If you were handed a layout or blueprint, you could memorize it in 10 minutes. Yes, Inej was a good spider, silent and quick, but no one had your talent for memory. Sturmhond looked at you, just now realizing your choice of attire. You wore an ensemble of black leather, the garments skin tight and form fitting. Your hair was braided back, and your daggers were now plainly visible.

“I didn’t know panthers wore leather,” he said, and you tsked, crossing your arms. “And I didn’t know foxes wore teal.” Sturmhond couldn’t hold back his laughter. Saints, she’s perfect, he thought, but before he could say anything more, you and Inej had left the room. “A little advice,” Jesper said, clapping the privateer on the shoulder. “Teasing will only get you so far with Y/N.”

“I…I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Sturmhond replied, feeling the flush creep up his neck. “Sure, man,” Jesper said, winking as he turned to leave. Kaz was the only one left in the room, and he said nothing as he cleaned the papers from the table. “Let’s talk payment, shall we?” he said a few moments later. Sturmhond nodded. “I can approximate the value of the sapphire and pay you in cash.” Kaz nodded. “Reasonable. You can’t be seen at Hills’ manor, this job can’t be tied back to Ravka.” The privateer nodded. “Understood. I’ll wait on the Volkvolny then?”

Kaz shrugged. “If you want. It’s Y/N making the drop, by the way, so I’d work out what you want to say to her before she shows up.” “W-what are you talking about?” “Please, Sturmhond. You’re a smart man, surely you’ve seen the way she looks at you?” Sturmhond balked. “I…what?” Kaz sighed. “She likes you, privateer, it’s obvious.” “How is it obvious?”

“Well, for starters, she’d have castrated anyone else who called her ‘more than a pretty face’, regardless if it was meant to be flirtatious. Second, I saw how she was looking at you. She wants you.” “How…” Sturmhond was speechless, for quite possibly the first time in his life. “How do you know that?” “Because,” Kaz said, leaning on his cane as he stood. “It’s the same way you look at her. And don’t go getting any ideas, privateer. I assess, I analyze, it’s nothing personal. Now let’s go.” As Sturmhond left the room, he thought he heard Kaz whisper something under his breath. “I know because it’s how I look at Inej.”

***

The job took an hour and a half, but to Sturmhond, it felt infinite. He stood on the deck, pacing back and forth, anxiously waiting for you to appear. Not just so he’d have the sapphire, but so he could see you, talk to you. All night he’d been thinking about what to say, how to phrase it so he didn’t sound like an ass.

You’re so beautiful, please don’t hate me. I know we’ve only known each other for an hour, but I think I love you. Do you want to come to Ravka and be my Queen? Yeah, the last option was definitely too much. Just when Sturmhond was about to go below decks, a shadow appeared on the railing.

“Y/N?” he whispered, and the shadow moved closer. You pulled back your hood and held out your hand, the sapphire glinting in the moonlight. “Kaz will be expecting your payment in one week’s time,” you said, and Sturmhond nodded. “Thank you,” he replied, taking the jewel. “My country is once more in your debt.”

You were silent for a moment before speaking. “You asked me earlier what someone like me was doing in the Barrell.” “I did, and I apologize, if-” “But what’s someone like you doing masquerading as a privateer?” Sturmhond cocked his head. “What do you mean, lovely?” “I mean, what in Ghezen’s name is the Ravkan King doing sailing to Ketterdam when he could easily hire someone to do it for him?”

“I… that’s…” “I already know,” you said. “And I have no plans on telling anyone.” Nikolai sighed. “Thank you. And I am sorry, for what I said earlier. I should have been more tactful, and-” “Why are you sorry?” Nikolai was officially at a loss for words. “I…” “You’re cute, Latsov,” you said, and Nikolai was sure he’d died and gone to heaven. “I wouldn’t let just anyone call me ‘a pretty face’. So…there’s a spot on East Stave that serves the best waffles in the city, if you’re interested?”

A smile broke out on his face. “Are you asking me on a date?” You looked over your shoulder at him as you walked away. “Maybe I am, maybe I’m not. But you’re paying, privateer.” Nikolai followed you off of the ship, and once you were side by side, he reached out and took your hand. And when you squeezed his hand, looking at him with a soft smile, he knew for sure: he was a goner.

#nikolai lantsov x reader #shadow and bone reader insert #nikolai lantsov x you #shadow and bone

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syllvane · 1 year

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beautiful as the view from a sinking ship- jesper fahey x reader

a/n: people will watch la la land (2016) instead of go to therapy. it’s me i’m people. angst

“I’m surprised you’re here.” Inej said, appearing out of thin air.

You scoffed slightly, grabbing your drink before turning to look at Inej.

“I’m still a Crow, am I not? Just because me and Jes broke up, doesn’t mean I forfeit my place here.”

The nickname sat in the silence between the two of you and you looked away from her.

Inej didn’t say anything for a couple of seconds, watching you down the shot of hard liquor.

“I know, I just… you’ve been keeping odd hours. You’ve stopped coming around the Slat.”

You signaled the bartender for another round.

You looked at her and, despite the copious amount of alcohol you had consumed, your eyes were clear and bright.

“I’ve been trying to avoid him, if that wasn’t obvious.”

“I know. But by avoiding him, you’ve been avoiding everyone else.”

“Then tell him he needs to take a shift or two of the odd hours so that I can come around.” You snapped, though any anger faded from your voice immediately. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped.”

“What happened between the two of you?”

You sighed.

“It’s not worth talking about.”

“But it was worth breaking up over?”

You looked at her again. This time she could see it more clearly, how tired you were.

Inej took a seat next to you, taking the glass of alcohol that was on the counter in front of you.

“This city will kill anyone who stays here long enough. Every day is another fight, and I just want to rest.” You said softly. “Jesper will stay here until Kaz tells him otherwise.”

“Why haven’t you left then?” She asked, the answer written all over your face.

You looked at the alcohol before looking back at her and shaking your head.

“I don’t know. It’s be easier if I could.”

You left some kruge on the bar top before standing up, stumbling slightly before catching yourself and walking home.

Inej followed you in the shadows, making sure that you got home safely before heading back to the Slat, your words ringing in her ears.

“We need your help.”

Bitterness rose up out of nowhere at the sound of Kaz’s voice- it hadn’t always been this way. You once cared about him almost as much as Jesper and Inej.

“There are other Inferni in this city, you know.”

“Yes. Probably ones who don’t smell like alcohol as well, but none that I trust as much as you.”

“Ha.” You deadpanned, turning around to face him.

He took one quick glance at you before looking around the warehouse you had been squatting in.

“This is the last thing I’ll ever ask of you, since you no longer seem interested in being a Crow.”

“I never said that.”

“You didn’t have to.” He shot back quickly, tapping his cane absentmindedly. “We’re meeting tonight. You know where to find us.”

“I’ll come with you. Just give me a couple minutes to get ready.”

“Fine.” He said, turning away and looking towards the entrance that he had came through. “You broke his heart, you know. Breaking up with him.”

You gathered your gun and your knives, his words cutting into your skin.

“It broke my heart as well, if that makes you feel any better.”

“It doesn’t, believe it or not.” He said, getting awfully close to expressing a human emotion. “Remind me to never fall in love with anyone.”

You scoffed, involuntarily thinking of Inej.

“What?” He asked and even without looking at him, you could tell that his eyes had narrowed.

You shook your head.

“Nothing. From my experience, you didn’t get to choose that kind of thing.”

The rest of the way, the two of you walked in silence.

Your heart thumped in your chest as you stood in front of the Slat, dreading the prospect of seeing Jesper again.

He did his best not to look at you as you walked into the Slat, the other Crows giving you a warm, if not slightly awkward, welcome.

It’s a straightforward enough plan- infiltrate the party to gain access to the safe, use your powers to get into the safe, leave with the documents.

It’s simple enough, except it all goes to shit, because of course it does.

The actual safe-breaking is the easiest part of the gig- you’re all outside when the guards show up and start shooting without asking questions, leading to a gunfight, with pairs of Crows isolated from another.

It all feels like it happens in slow motion: someone fires a gun, Jesper is facing the other way, oblivious that a bullet is about to find purchase in his chest.

Your feet move faster than your mind does and you bodied him, the two of you falling onto the ground.

You looked at him.

His eyes, his beautiful eyes were wide with surprise and confusion, his eyebrows scrunched together, bracing the impact of the tackle.

“What do you think you’re-” He started, his tone indignant before his eyes were drawn to the red stain blossoming on your chest. “What did… what did you do? Nina!”

His voice came out as more of a scream and he maneuvered you gently so that you were laying on the cobblestone ground.

Your training in the Second Army, a distant memory from your childhood, might have prepared you for what getting shot feels like if you had stayed longer.

Or maybe not- maybe it would have always hurt this much.

Jesper put his hand on your cheek, forcing you to look at him, his skin cool against yours.

“Hey, hey. Look at me. Don’t close your eyes. Just keep looking at me.”

He’s pretty when he’s fawning over you and you listen to him, look at him, your eyes locking on his.

In his eyes, you see a future.

You see yourself recovering from this, the two of you getting back together, any distance that was in between the two of you made small in the shadow of death.

You see the two of you taking trips out to the countryside, the two of you holding hands, every second the two of you spend together a promise.

It’s all so distant now, tomorrow creeping farther and farther away from your grasp

You lifted your arm, your strength fading from you fast. Your hand settled on his face, cupping his cheek and wiping away a tear that had formed.

You have so much to say still- so many apologies and I love you’s and conversations- you don’t have enough time.

“I’d do it again.” You settle for, trying to assuage the notions of guilt already forming in his head.

His face crumples and Nina rushes over, finally, but there is nothing to be done.

She is not a healer and you are dying.

“Nina, you have to do something. Nina, you have to fix it, please.”

Your hand falls from his face and he grabs it, holding it tightly.

Your hands are cold.

“I love you, Jes.” You say, his name an exhalation of air.

“I love you too. Don’t go.” He begs.

Only Nina hears.

#shadow and bone #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone x reader #six of crows imagines #six of crows imagine #six of crows #jesper fahey #jesper fahey x reader #jesper fahey imagine #jesper fahey x you #six of crows x reader #grishaverse #grishaverse x reader

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hourglass-full-of-stars · 1 year

Text

the reason why the whole pekka Rollins burying son scene didn’t quite work because of 1. lack of buildup, 2. change of audience, 3. change of plot/lack of outsider factors

*disclaimer: while i am writing out this whole thing, freddy carter killed it with this scene, and yet here i am

1. lack of buildup

In the books, it’s literally doesn’t even seem like the climax because you don’t see it coming. according to what the crows knew, it wasn’t the plan. it was the whole fake auction where they would auction up kuwei and trick everyone. and I see where they got the whole thing of pretending Kaz was caught, they replaced him with kuwei in that way because it was a similar thing. but it doesn’t work as well because while we’ve seen Pekka in the show before, and now Kaz’s backstory, I think we don’t quite see the whole “brick by brick” thing as much as the book emphasizes. Kaz legit lets Pekka out of the ice court because his death belongs to him (side note is this why they put him in hellgate?), and he even goes to him at the end of the first book to make a deal with him to get inej back. it’s also less powerful for the other crows because by that point in the book, pekka had clearly aligned himself with Van Eck— a common enemy. and the whole thing was to be able to get their money back. inej hasn't been kidnapped, the crows haven't made the deal with pekka, and they missed the part where kaz started a whole plague. all of that happens before the son scene, and it all builds and builds. it's really the scene you think it's almost over, but then this happens. and that leads me to my next point

2. change of audience

in the books, it was just pekka, a couple of his men, inej and kaz. there were no other crows, and there was no audience. because kaz didn't need to humiliate rollins in front of everyone, he needed him destroyed, and for that destruction to be able to ruin his reputation and force him out of town. and, as per usual, i will make everything about kanej, but this is a key kanej scene towards the end. first of all, kaz only trusts inej to bring her with him when he's talking about what happened in his past because no way would he say that stuff in front of everyone. he's got a reputation to keep. he only brought inej, nina and jesper were not there. he trusts her, but it also shows that despite the whole two books, he would still do something "she would not forgive him [for]" inej gets to see how he has changed, but also how he still needed this vengeance- still needed to bring rollins down in his own way. inej gets to hear what happened, and how it goes out. it was so....intimate between these few people, and it had to be this way to hit. even the first part of six of crows is called "shadow business" and that's more or less how it ended with this scene

3. lack of outside factors/change of plot

this goes along with the lack of buildup, but this is what's going on at the same time. every other member of the crows has something else going on as and before this was happening. we don't get jesper's whole thing with the grisha on parem, we don't have kuwei seemingly "died." the chaos of the auction isn't there, it's not as much stuff. also not only immediate outside factor, but we're also missing a key point that they took out of the "bathroom scene" and put into this scene. kaz tells inej he's paid off her indenture in the bathroom scene, but in the show, he has pekka fix it because of the weird thing they did with inej's whole plot. it's weird, and it's out of character for him. especially by now, kaz has learnt and relearnt that you know she's his tell. it got her kidnapped at the end of six of crows, and it would have gone badly if he had done that in front of everyone instead of just them. the scene just falls flat. we also don't get to see how it parallels the very first scene with kaz when he threatens geels (i think that's his name?) with the whole killing his mistress thing, but it was a bluff. just like this.

tl;dr: you can't put a scene that's at the end of two books without even having done the plot of the first one.

#my stuff #shadow and bone #six of crows #crooked kingdom #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #the crows #jesper fahey #nina zenik #kanej #matthias helvar #wylan van eck #freddy carter #amita suman #grishaverse #soc #my computer really tried to not let me post this but i persevered

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19burstraat · 3 months

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So I read in your newest fic’s (which IS INCREDIBLE btw you never miss 🩷) notes that you originally conceptualized the fic as being in the vein of “it’s a wonderful life” and I’m wondering…….how do you think that would have gone? Just curious 💕

Ty!! I note that I haven't seen it for quite a few years so it would have been a fairly basic comparison bc I forget the specifics of the context in IAWL, but yes... The spirit of Jordie (or possibly just Kaz's brain pulling a Really Complex Hallucination, I think the idea was it's like a fucking weird dream after he either nearly drowns or gets beaten up) pulls up, and says Hey Kaz Want To Know What Would've Happened If You HAD Died and Kaz is like. 'Um not really actually' but it's too late. I do have a bunch of notes app scraps of it, that I repurposed slightly for the current fic, so I'll paste em under the cut for your perusal. Ultimately I found this way of doing things a bit unsubtle but it was very interesting!

"Is this some guilt complex shit?" said Kaz.

"If you want it to be."

"No, I don't." Kaz wriggled out of the way and got to his feet. "I'm just going to—"

***

The sheet was wrenched away.

Kaz had seen plenty of death in the Barrel and on the Barge, and he had known who was going to be under the sheet. It didn't matter. He had to crouch abruptly in the corner before his legs gave way. He clamped his hands over his mouth and tried not to look anywhere in particular— not at Jordie, dead beside him, or Jesper, dead on the morgue table with a set of terrible wounds. He could hear snatches of conversation:

"...ran up debts... gangs... sent debtors after him..."

****

"Well, Miss Zenik— I run a little thing called the Hellshow," said Rollins. "Heard of it?"

Nina shook her head.

"Don't," Kaz said, even though it made no difference.

***

With a horrified start, Kaz realised it was Wylan; leaning on the wall in neatly re-hemmed Barrel flash and hastily cut hair.

"I want my cut now," he said.

"You'll get a cheque in a few days."

"In cash; now."

"You think I'm running a charity?" said Wylan. "You think all this information and all those chemicals come free? If you want to run this job without me, that's fine. But I won't bail you out of the Stadhall Jail when the Stadwatch grunts catch you with a fucking circular saw at the vault."

Per Haskell exchanged glances with Red Felix and Beetle. Eventually, there was some fumbling, and a wodge of kruge was produced. Wylan took it and counted it.

***

Kaz watched him go.

"He won't get out," he said.

"He might," said Jordie.

"He won't," said Kaz. "He can't. He's in too deep, now. He should've folded and left months ago, but he was too conscientious about the money and too anxious about being scammed."

***

"I get it, alright?" Kaz said wretchedly. "I get it. I understand."

"Do you?"

"I know I have to live for everyone else to make it, too." Kaz spat. "I know. What do you want me to say?"

"Fate has plans for us all, Kaz."

"Killing her and taking her platitudes? That's fucking rich." Kaz turned and paced the cobbles furiously. "Fuck! Fine! So— what? Go on! Tell me! Give me the moral!"

***

It's interesting bc I kinda like the idea (I miss Kaz when he's not there I get very upset when he's not around. Like a baby at a party screaming when everyone holding them isn't the Specific Person They Want) but also I think I'd never have finished this lmao. Also I'd have had to decide if it was a real supernatural kinda thing or if it was just Kaz's brain on a mad one. And like I say, I kinda prefer the ominous absences... To deploy Kaz's favourite tactic, planting an idea but leaving a lack of specifics or certainty, creates a lot more unsease.

#ask answered #my fics

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intosnarkness · 1 month

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Moooooooooore asks:

How about: “I tried, but I just can’t stay away from you anymore” for Kanej or “Well this is awkward…” for Jesper & Kaz

(1 2 or make up your own) (ask)

If Kaz was willing to be honest with himself, he would have admitted long ago that there was no world where he would be permitted to keep Inej.

If her Saints cared at all about her, they would have kept her from men like him. But there she stood, days and weeks turning to months and years, and no Saint ever showed up to save her from the worst monster in Ketterdam.

So Kaz grew complacent. He allowed himself to get used to her, to get comfortable with her in his room, feeding the crows. Her in his mind, counseling against his worst instincts. Her in what passed for his heart, guarded jealously and kept like a secret.

Until she tells him, at the moment when she's just scaled an impossible six story chimney, that she's leaving. That he's pushed her too far. That they're done, and she won't be his anymore. It shatters him, but he can't lean into that. He can't take the time to mourn the future when there might not be a future if they don't do this right.

He makes plans, though, through the chaos of the next few weeks. Through the return to Ketterdam and the Geldrenner and the auction. And when he stands on the docks, holding her hand and watching her parents disembark, Kaz thinks this will not be enough to make her stay.

So he frees himself of expectation - he meets her parents and goes to lunch and sees them to the Van Eck mansion and then he walks home to the Slat, alone.

He won't go back. He promises himself that. If this is goodbye, then it should be goodbye. Give them a clean break, a reason to remember things with the rosy glow of nostalgia. Maybe she'll forget, in time, that he forced her into the dark and made her kill. Maybe she'll only remember the good things, the laughter and the fried potatoes and the press of his desperate lips on her neck.

Maybe.

But he won't forget any of it. He won't forget the first time he saw her, appearing like an illusion out of someone's sleeve. He won't forget the times she's saved him, protected him, kept him. But he won't hold her back. He won't force himself on her like so many have. Kaz is many things, most of them terrible, but he will never impose on Inej like that. Not when she has the chance to go and follow her heart.

She sends notes, he doesn't read them.

She comes to visit, he keeps the window barred.

It's for her own good.

He lasts three months. Three months before the ache sets in, before he can't stand to sit in his room with the window closed and her not there. Three months before he manages to acknowledge what everyone else in Ketterdam has always known; Dirtyhands needs the Wraith much more than she needs him.

No, Kaz needs Inej. He can't hide behind personas and lies. He needs to see her. He needs to talk to her. He needs her, and it's disgusting how weak it makes him. Like his knees would turn to water if he tried to stand.

So he doesn't go to the Geldstraat that night.

Or the next.

He doesn't darken their door for a whole week after he realizes he is dying without her, which Kaz thinks he deserves a medal for. A medal for restraint, for temperance. Things he's never been exactly known for, but things he has always had in spades. He had restrained himself from shooting Pekka Rollins in the face for years. He could wait for his window to see Inej.

The night he goes, he waits for the cover of darkness before he leaves the Barrel and he watches the house from the shadows for hours. Kaz isn't going to knock on the door and sit down to dinner with his former employees. He's waiting for a light to flare in the right window. Waiting to see her silhouette.

It's a little after 11 bells when the light comes on and Kaz finds himself gritting his teeth against the pain of climbing the drainpipe, making his way across a narrow ledge to the second floor window where she's waiting.

He opens the window with no problem, and climbs into the room, the words already on his lips. "I tried, but I just can’t stay away from you anymore--"

Inej is there, but she's not alone.

Jesper clears his throat. "Well. This is awkward," he says, and Kaz has a moment to take in the scene. His two best friends - two best employees - are seated on the foot of a bed, and Inej has her face pressed into Jesper's chest, her hands balled in his shirt. Jesper is holding her, his arms wrapped around her shoulders with one hand petting her hair.

Jealousy flares bright in Kaz's chest and he tastes bile. So, this is what was keeping them away from the Slat. Away from him.

"No," Jesper says, pointing at Kaz with a steady finger. "I know that face. Don't you dare."

Kaz doesn't know what, exactly he's being accused of, but he doesn't care. Because Inej has turned to look at him and she's crying, her dark eyes shining with tears and rimmed with red.

"Inej?" he asks, and she makes a frustrated noise in response. The way she's looking at him, the way Jesper isn't-- Inej is crying because of him, Kaz realizes. He doesn't know how, or why, or when, but he caused this. "Whats the matter?" he asks, afraid to move.

Jesper rolls his eyes. "You absolute podge," he sighs. "You don't see any of us for three months and then you crawl into a person's window and you don't know what you did wrong? You idiot. You-- you bastard."

Well, if the gloves fit.

Kaz shrugs. "Are you done with the histrionics?" he asks Jesper, who looks like he might want to throw Kaz back out the window.

But he doesn't, and instead Kaz gently kneels next to Inej and reaches out for her hand.

She gives it to him, and he leans down and presses a kiss into the back of her hand.

"Hello, Inej," he says softly. "I-- it's good to see you."

She rolls her eyes but turns to Jesper, and gives him a weak smile. "Can we have the room?" Inej asks, and Jesper squeezes her shoulder as he stands, still staring bullets in Kaz's direction.

The door closes like an explosion, and they're alone.

#meme #talkback #laurie-ipsum #this got long an angsty #sorry not sorry #six of crows #my fic #kanej #several birds book #work was busy today so this is what you get #there is more of this #but i am not in the mood to write it right now #also canon divergence #obviously #but it was the way i could make it work

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frick6101719 · 6 months

Note

Hi! I hope you're doing goood)) Please do tell, are you going to continue writing the sequel to The Last Songbird? I'm so worried cos SaB now cancelled((

HI ANON

Sorry for taking so long to say so, but yes! I am hoping/planning to write a sequel to TLS. My idea right now is to cover some key moments from the actual duology and explore how they would change in this AU, but I haven't quite landed on how to do that yet. I have written part of one important moment though, and since I've made you wait so long I think I owe you a snippet.

~~~

He could see Inej’s little slippered foot dangling over the edge of the crate. She was still, lying on her belly. He could still hear the Blacktip dying at his feet, but it was Kaz who felt like he was choking on his own blood. Climb, you fucking idiot. He ordered his body like he would order any other Dreg, and because he was Dirtyhands, their lieutenant, the brain and the spine of their operation, his body obeyed. He had to climb from another side of the pyramid, wasting precious time. He was not as agile as she, and there were so many here on the docks, waiting for them, he couldn’t waste a second when she could be—

He turned the corner, saw her lying there frightfully still. He grabbed her ankle, and she stirred faintly at his touch. While a shudder of revulsion passed through him he didn’t let that stop him as he leaned over her body, taking her by her shoulder, his other hand on her hip. He hadn’t touched her in so long—she was so small. He tried to be gentle, but he was not a gentle man, and she groaned in pain as he rolled her over.

The knife was free of the sheath hidden in her sleeve before she was even fully turned, and its wickedly sharp point settled beneath her breast with practised precision. Kaz almost dropped her.

“May the Saints receive me,” she whispered.

“No!” He grabbed her wrist, felt her pull against it, but his grip was iron. She couldn’t move, couldn’t even hold the knife, which fell from her grip with a clatter.

He struggled to find his voice. “Not just yet, Inej,” he said. His grip didn’t loosen.

There was no way to be gentle about it, but he slipped the knife back in its sheath and scooped her up, pushing the sound of her pained moans somewhere deep in his mind where he couldn’t touch it, where it wouldn’t drive him insane until he needed it to. I got Brekker’s Wraith.

He jumped down, and though he expected it, the sharp explosion of pain in his leg was staggering. For several moments his world flashed hot and white. He squeezed Inej closer to his chest—her body was limp, and though she didn't weigh much she felt oddly heavy. Perhaps he forgot gravity acted on her the same as everyone else, because he’d seen her move like she weighed nothing, and now she was here, almost dead in his arms—

Not dead, he thought, gritting his teeth. He began to run, each step a fresh burst of agony through his bad leg, but he ignored it. His cane lay tucked in his arm, useless, digging into Inej’s back between her shoulder blades. His Wraith. She’s not dead.

She groaned, head lolling with the rough, unevenness of his gait. “Did we win?”

He inhaled sharply. “I’m here, aren’t I?” He didn’t want her to ask about winning, or what happened, or how his plan went to hell and left her bleeding, clinging desperately to life. Not for the first time, a dark, gleeful voice—Jordie’s voice—reminded him.

I’m here, he thought instead, but he wasn’t willing to look down at her.

“I don’t want to die, Kaz.”

Her voice was small and quiet, and no knife could be more precise carving through his insides and piercing his heart. He swore he’d protect her. He was the worst sort of liar. “I’ll do my best to make other arrangements for you,” he said. He knew it would upset her, and he hated himself for it, but she needed a fire in her to pull through this, and anger was the kind he was most adept at stoking.

He waited for her retort, for an indignant sniff, a righteous proverb—anything—but she remained quiet. “Keep talking Wraith,” he demanded, his voice wavering. “Don’t slip away from me.” Not now. He always knew when she eventually left him it would be his fault, but if he got her killed…

Her head lolled against his chest, and she gave another soft groan. “But it’s… what I do best.” Her eyes were shut.

He squeezed her tighter again, not caring if it made it harder for her to breathe. He hadn’t been this close to her since he became Dirtyhands, and even through the pain and the panic and the blinding rage, he felt the edges of nausea. He clutched her tighter anyway. She wasn’t going to die in his arms. She couldn’t. “Just… just make it to the schooner,” he said. His words sounded desperate even to his own ears. It had been a long time since he held her—it had been longer since he begged for anything. “Open your damn eyes, Inej.”

~~~

I just realised this is the second snippet I've posted; the first is here.

#RIP TO SHADOW AND BONE #we lost a real one #I'm still sad #but bless this fandom #you are so much fun #Kanej #Six of Crows #a fic... of mine???

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haveihitanerve · 4 months

Text

Shadow and Bone series things that i fucking ADORE but its literally only the crows-

Kaz handing jesper the money ONLY FOR COAL and being very aware that jesper is going to lose it all but trusting him with it nonetheless

Kazzle dazzle walking around holding a goat

Jesper and inej insulting kaz, insinuating that he cant drive the weird little buggy thing and the thing he focuses on is the fact that inej called him ‘jes?’

‘Its suli.for friendship.’ inej is not having it.’no its not!’

Kaz’s little talk with inej. Beautiful

The fact that kaz thinks of inej and jesper as his saints because no one else has looked after him, but they do

Jesper not giving two shits that ka could kill him and constantly insulting him. ‘See it enough in the mirror do you?’

Jesper and inej talking back to kaz without a care in the world and he doesn't do anything

Kaz letting mal and inej go up to deck without following, but cant wait two seconds after jesper leaves to follow. Bromance

Jesper being able to touch kaz’s arm/shoulder/him without his arm being removed(both from kaz and from his body)

Kaz’s look at jesper when he recommends starting a brewery

Inej and jesper chatting about inej leaving. ‘You're making this really hard’ ‘i know. Id miss me too.’

‘Heres what i don't get’ ‘we’re gonna be here all night’ ‘rude.’ kaz just letting his crows bicker

Kaz and inej drinking from the same glass at different times while jesper just watches like ‘my alcohol!’

Kaz shushing everyone

Kaz giving his bestie life advice. ‘Never make decisions out of fear jesper. Only spite.’ jesper then making him laugh, you know he wanted to and totally cracked up when jes left- ‘greed always worked for me.’

Jesper showing his guns when someone threatens kaz

Jesper and his guns

Jesper spinning his guns

Jesper

‘Its not natural for someone to be stupid as he is tall and yet, oop!, there you stand’

Kaz’s personas that severely fucked with my head

‘He threw a book at me!’ that book being shadow and bone and also kazs looks

‘Tell me you have a plan. I don't care if its a lie.’

Jesper listing the things they learned and winking at inej when he says ‘its the friends we make along the way’ and the way kaz almost smiles

Also how close he and jesper are almost always standing/sitting

When theyre laying on the ground together, legs behind them. It just looks so wonky and also like a teenager thing to do and it makes me giggle

‘Too soon to appreciate the irony amiright?’ okay i just know that the reason kaz drops his head is because hes trying not to explode with laughter.

Matthias and nina’s waffle conversation

‘Are you gonna help?” kaz just lifts cane. Jesper, without giving two fucks that this man is called the fucking bastard of the barrel, with snark and backtalk- ‘oh.well isn't that convenient for you’ i just love how he and inej are allowed to get away with talking to kaz like that okay? Its the little things

‘Hug the goat.shut the hell up’

Jesper wanting kaz to promise him an open casket, kaz merely saying that they are NOT dying

‘Still didn't shoot his pretty face. I've got to stop doing that.’ jesper, ma boi, please leave the snarky comments for a time when you are not about to die

‘No one will believe im that old!’ kaz’s look. I just know he had on a shit eating grin on the inside, payback for all the snarky comments jesper has made- ‘you tell yourself that’ inejs little grin

Kaz and jesper chatting while inej casually leaves and then holds mal at gunpoint

The way jes whips out his guns when inej appears with mal and both guys jump in surprise while shes just like, ‘oh you guys didn't notice he was here?’

Kaz casually recruiting mal without asking mal himself

‘Have you found religion too?” but doesn't contradict him

Kazs smile when he forces jesper to cover him when sneaking into the dime lion of whatever

‘Jesper!’ when jesper asks for a blow up dude. His voice sounds like a tired dad

The way jesper jumps when inej appears behind him

Inej killing someone for kaz without hesitation

The way kaz waits with her, to tell her she saved his life, wasting precious seconds of escape, because while he might not understand her unwillingness to kill, he knows its hard for her and has enough compassion to offer her a few seconds of assurance

Inejs face when kaz accidentally reveals how much he sacrificed to get her free of Heleen

How jesper says ‘kaz might just kill heleen himself if you tell him that story’ about why inej knows how to sew herself up

Jesper and kaz getting excited about a heist

The smile kaz gives jesper when he informs him about the heist

‘Just ask’ kaz finally asks and jesper doesn't answer

‘Is it my size?’ ‘you have to ask?” ahhhh😭 ‘remember the last time this happened? You got me a mens.’ ‘it worked didn't it?’ 😭 like an old married couple

Inej telling kaz to be careful before they split up and he gets chased by the inferni

“And uh” looks jesper up and down. ‘Yeah hes gonna need it.’ “a goat.” jespers face

‘Boss’

Jespers goodbye to milo

#six of crows #ive only just finished season 1 #so this is not everything #also its very out of order of the events actually happening #thats my bad but i wrote it how i remembered it #kaz and jespers bromance is my everything #platonic soulmates

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rose-sophia-isabella-rogers · 1 year

Text

A Tale of Stolen Hearts: Chapter XIV - Despise Your Heart

Chapter Summary: How will you get the famous blade?

Pairing: Aleksander Kirigan/Reader, Wylan Hendriks/Jesper Fahey

Characters: Aleksander Kirigan, Reader, Zoya Nazyalensky, Tolya Yul-Bataar, Kaz Brekker, Wylan Hendriks, Nina Zenik, Inej Ghafa, Jesper Fahey, The Disciple, Ohval Saran

Word Count: 3480

A/N: This chapter contains plot from the episodes five and six of season two. Happy reading!

Tag list (let me know if you want to be added or removed):

@budugu

@intothesoul

@mizelophsun11

@pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy

@zeeader

You and others reach Shu-Han. You leave your companions and go to check on the shop. You return a few moments later. You walk to Kaz, Jesper, Wylan and Tolya.

'The teashop is open now,' you inform them and look at Kaz. 'So, you have fun. I will see you later.'

'You're not coming?' Kaz asks, frowning. Ah, how you love to spoil his perfectly crafted plans. You smirk at him.

'Kaz, darling, I'm a thief,' you say. 'I want something, I take it, not buy it. So, you try the nice way first. In the meantime, I'll check out the things if we have to do it my way.'

You wink at him and walk away. You plan to find out where the Disciple lives and how to break into his house. And get out, of course. Never forget the rule number one.

When you're done you meet with others at the rented apartment. Their faces tell you enough. They did not succeed.

'[Y/N], your abilities as a Heartrender are useful to you as a thief, are they not?' Tolya asks before you can find out what happened. 'Like controlling your heart and emotions?'

'Oh, yes, very useful,' you confirm. 'Why?'

'We think Ohval is the Disciple,' Wylan explains. 'Nina says her heartbeat was like a clock during their conversation.'

'Huh. That would explain the fact the Neshyenyer is in her house,' you say, sitting down. 'Am I to understand we're stealing it?'

'What did you find out?' Kaz asks instead of answering you.

'She lives just outside the city,' you say. 'I know all the entrance and exits. I don't know the traps however…'

'Traps?' Wylan asks, nervous.

'Dear Wylan, every respectable thief has traps in place they hold their treasures,' you explain.

'Why didn't I fell into a trap when I was visiting you?' Jesper asks. Your raise your eyebrows.

'Because I'm not stupid enough to invite you to a place with my treasures,' you answer and turn to Inej. 'You were tailing her. What did you find out?'

'When she stopped at the tea shop, she placed an order at the apothecary that she'll be picking up tonight,' Inej answers. 'I watched her at home a while and no one came or went except her.'

'So, while she's out of the house, Nina will tail her to make sure she stays out of the house,' Kaz says. 'The rest of us will go in and grab the blade.'

Zoya scoffs. Everyone looks at her

'You don't seriously expect me to break into this woman's house,' she says. 'That's why we took [Y/N], isn't it? She always prefers to work alone.'

'Yeah, but like I said, I don't know where the traps are and I'm assuming someone isn't willing to wait for me to find out,' you say, glaring at Kaz.

'There's no time,' Kaz says. You huff.

'See?' you ask. 'So, this one time I could use some help.'

'I'm a soldier, not a thief,' Zoya asks. 'Why else would I need you criminals?'

'Oh, there's much less of a difference there than you think,' Tolya says. Nina chuckles.

'You just keep eating your walnuts,' Zoya says, glaring at her, then looks at Kaz. 'I'll go with Nina.'

Nina coughs. She's clearly not happy about that idea.

'Are you sure you don't need me?' she asks. 'I mean, Zoya can tail Ohval.'

'Nina and Zoya will wait for Ohval at the apothecary,' Kaz decides. 'Follow her. If she starts heading home, buy us some time. Distract her.'

Everyone nods. Zoya looks at you.

'You've seen the house,' she says. 'Can you break in?'

'Zoya, when will you stop doubting me?' you ask with an amused smirk.

'Possibly the moment you decide to stop using sarcasm,' Zoya answers.

'Never then?' you ask. 'How cruel.'

'I honestly don't know who's worse,' Jesper whispers to Inej. 'Zoya and Nina or Zoya and [Y/N].'

'I heard that,' you say. Jesper flinches.

'You have elephant ears,' he says. You chuckle and look at him.

'Trust me, it's not always pleasant,' you say.

'How much heightened are your senses?' Nina asks curiously. You exhale slowly.

'Very,' you answer. 'They weren't always like that. But in the past years I used more and more my abilities. In the effect I grew more powerful.'

'Enough chit-chat,' Kaz says. 'Time to get to work. You ready?'

'To steal from the greatest thief?' you ask and grin. 'Of course, I am. I love a challenge after all.'

It's night. You reached outside Ohval's house. You start drawing on the ground.

'This house is traditional,' you say. 'It has a specific layout. We enter through the front courtyard, antechamber, middle courtyard, main chamber.'

'We sweep the entirety,' Kaz asks. 'How long will it take you to set up?'

'Um, I can have the door open in about five minutes,' Wylan says. 'And if Ohval trips it, we have two minutes before the firecrackers go off to get out.'

'Even if she returns prematurely, we cannot leave without the blade,' Inej says. In the meantime, you start on the first lock.

'Yes, the future of Ravka and my payment depend on it,' Kaz says. 'I'm aware.'

'It's more than the future of Ravka at stake,' Tolya says. 'If we fail, Shu Han, Fjerda, Ketterdam, and beyond, they'll feel the weight of the Darkling bare down on them.'

'Way to up the stakes,' Jesper says. You open the door. You enter the front courtyard. You get to open the door to the antechamber. Wylan sets his things by the door you walked in through. Jesper walks to him and they start talking quietly. Others observe you. Soon, the door is open.

'Jesper,' Kaz calls. 'We're going in. Close the doors behind you.'

You enter the antechamber. Only Wylan stays outside. You look for any traps.

'Spread out,' Kaz says. That's when you hear it. But it's Tolya that says it:

'I sense a heartbeat.'

'I thought the compound was empty,' Jesper says.

'It's faint,' Tolya says. 'Further in the house.'

'And old,' you add and your eyes go wide. 'Tolya, don't!'

But it's too late. He steps on a trap. The door behind and in front of you close. Toyla and Inej try to kick the exit door open. No use. Inej also tries to use her dagger.

'It's impenetrable,' she declares. Kaz knocks on the frames.

'The frames are made of metal,' he says.

'They're Durast-made,' Jesper, who's put the ear to another, says. You try to force the exit door open. That's when you hear mechanism cranking.

'That does not sound good,' Jesper says. You all look around nervously.

'There's something in the air,' Tolya says. You look up and see an orange smoke filling the air. You all start coughing.

'This is how we die,' Jesper says. One by one your companions fall on the ground, unconscious. Only you and Toyla hold up, using your Heartrened abilities to stay awake, trying to get rid of the gas from your bodies. You also still try to open the door.

'Wylan,' Toyla calls. But Wylan doesn't hear. Your vision blurs a little. You concentrate more on opening the door then your poisoned body. But you still persist.

'Wylan! Wylan!' Tolya calls.

'Tolya!' you finally hear.

'The air is poisoned!' Tolya calls. 'It's killing us!'

'Tolya!' Wylan calls from the other side. 'Jesper! Anyone? Hello?'

Behind you Tolya says something. Then you hear a thud. He's out, too. And you're going to be as well soon.

'Damn it…' you murmur, feeling yourself becoming weaker. 'Wylan… help…'

Then you hear a click. The door is unlocked. But you have no strength to push it. You cough and fall on your side.

'No…' you whisper and close your eyes, sighing deeply. 'Aleksander…'

When you open your eyes, you see an unfamiliar ceiling. You sit up with a start.

'Bad dream?' you hear a familiar voice beside you. You stiffen. You look to your left and see the face you long to see, smiling at you.

'Aleksander?' you ask.

'Would anyone else be in your bed?' your beloved chuckles, lifting himself up. 'I should hope not.'

He sits in front of you and smiles. You reach out and caress his cheek. Emotions swell in you.

'It's a dream, isn't it?' you ask. Aleksander touches your hand on his cheek.

'Why would it be a dream?' he asks.

'Because you're in Ravka, fighting with Alina and her supporters,' you answer and look around. 'Not here in… What is this place?'

'Novyi Zem,' Aleksander answers, embracing you. 'A place where we can just live in peace. Isn't that what you wanted?'

You did. Still do. And it feels so safe in his arms. So good. You want to stay there. But you know it's not real.

'What about Alina?' you ask. 'Ravka? Grisha?'

'They don't concern us,' Aleksander answers and kisses the top of your head. You smile sadly and pull away.

'This is how I know it's not real,' you say. 'You never give up.'

You kiss him softly. Your heart clenches.

'This is a fantasy,' you whisper. 'A nice fantasy. That I wish was true. But still a fantasy.'

'It could be real,' Aleksander says. You look at him pleadingly.

'Tell me how,' you beg him. 'How can I save you?'

Aleksander opens his mouth to answer. But before he can the room disappears. You're consumed by darkness.

You open your eyes with a gasp. You sit up abruptly. You hear a chuckle next to you. You turn your head and see Tolya grinning at you.

'How…?' you start and feel a weird taste in your mouth. 'What did I just eat?'

'You don't want to know,' Tolya answers and helps you up. Others are up as well.

'Is everyone alive?' you hear Wylan's voice… through a hole in the wall.

'We're alive,' Inej answers.

'Okay,' Wylan says.

'I owe you my life,' Tolya says to Inej. She shakes her head.

'It was Wylan,' she says. 'He saved us.'

'Wylan did?' Jesper asks, surprised.

'You're welcome,' Wylan says.

'We almost died, didn't we?' Jesper asks. 'Same time... I had the most incredible hallucination. Did anyone else get lulled into a… comforting sense of joy?'

'Yes,' you say after a moment, a hint of sadness in your voice.

'What did you see?' Tolya asks.

'What I left behind in Ravka,' you answer.

'I didn't see anything,' Kaz says.

'Neither did I,' Inej says. You and Tolya exchange a look. You both can tell they're lying. But decide not to say anything.

'All right, what's the plan?' Tolya asks.

'You said there was another heartbeat in the house,' Kaz says, turning his head. Tolya nods.

'Southeast corner,' he says. 'The heartbeat's weak.'

'It belongs to an old man,' you add and get looks. 'What? Trust me on this.'

'I suspect she built all of this to protect that heart,' Kaz says, taking a few steps around the room. 'Along with a different way in to get to it. [Y/N], if you could-'

'Done,' you interrupt him and push open the door to the inward courtyard. 'By the way, the other door is open as well.'

'What?' Wylan asks. 'So, I didn't have to make that hole?'

'I think if you'd just walked in, you would get the poison as well, so I think you did well,' you answer and turn to Kaz with a smile. 'What's next?'

The others stay in the chamber, going to work as a bait to Ohval. You and Kaz go further into the house, following the heartbeat.

'Do you think they're going to be alright?' you ask Kaz quietly. He just nods. You stop in front of one of the rooms.

'He's there,' you say. You open the door and look in. There's an old man on a wheelchair. He looks up when you enter.

'Who are you?' he asks, puzzled. You smile.

'We are so, sorry,' you say. 'We're art collectors from Kerch. We're visiting with our friends.'

'We are sorry to disturb you,' Kaz says. You quickly scan around the room. You smile, understanding.

'No, no, it's always nice to have visitors,' he says. 'You're art collectors, then?'

'Yes,' you say and walk to the man. 'And between you and me, I'm a great fan of your work.'

'My work?' the man asks. You smirk and show him your favourite lockpick. He gasps.

'Ah, I see!' he says and chuckles. 'What about you? Anything I heard about?'

'She stole the device that threatened to ruin all Grisha,' Kaz answers from you. The Disciple, as it's him, gasps.

'Sankta [Y/N],' he says and smiles. 'That was a nice job. A bit messy, but effective and with style. I liked it.'

'Thank you,' you say, touched. Kaz clears his throat.

'We were looking for your wife,' you say. 'I think she said she'll be in the inward courtyard? But we got a bit lost, you see.'

'Don't worry,' the Disciple says. 'If you can help me, I'll lead you there.'

You put your hands on his wheelchair and starts pushing. Kaz walks beside you. Finally, you reach the inward courtyard. You find there Ohval killing all your friends.

'Here she is!' the Disciple says and Ohval is forced to stop. 'Sweetheart, we have visitors. Art collectors from Kerch.'

'I know, dear,' Ohval says with a smile. 'I was just about to offer them tea.'

She turns to Tolya. She speaks to him in Shu:

'He's not part of this.'

'These are the collectors we were telling you about,' Kaz says to The Disciple. 'They'll be pleasantly surprised to meet you, the great thief of the art world. The Disciple.'

'This is The Disciple?' Jesper asks with disbelief, pointing at the old man.

'Have we met before?' The Disciple asks, confused.

'Yes, in your room just now,' Kaz answers. 'And I've met your wife. In Bhez Ju. We had tea there.'

'Bhez Ju Museum,' The Discpile says and looks at you. 'The support beams are under every second section of the floor. The others creak. Important to know the secrets of a place.'

'Truly,' you agree, nodding, while Kaz gives Ohval a meaningful look.

'If anything happens to him, I will kill you all,' Ohval says to Tolya in Shu.

'All we want is the Neshyenyer,' Tolya assures her in Shu, shaking his head.

'The Neshyenyer?' The Disciple asks. 'I stole it for her.

'Please, dear,' Ohval says.

'It was the last piece I stole before we decided I should retire,' The Disciple continues. 'Anyway, you couldn't really call it stealing. It was hers to begin with. She made it.'

'I'm sorry,' Jesper says, frowning. 'Did you say she made it?'

The Disciple stands up. He walks shakily to Ohval and they join hands.

'Hours of work,' he says. 'Prayers. And tears. To fight the unkillable army created by the clock worker Kho.'

'Three days and nights she fought the unstoppable soldiers,' Tolya says after chuckling softly. 'And when the last soldier fell, she laid down the weapon. And it was named Neshyenyer. "Relentless". We are honored to be in your presence, Sankta Neyar.'

One by one your friends kneel. Only you and Kaz remain standing.

'Sankta Neyar?' Inej asks in awe.

'Come, my love,' Ohval says. 'Let's get you to bed.'

She puts The Disciple back on his chair. He exhales, tired. She looks up at you and Kaz.

'This is our sanctuary,' she says. 'Where we can sleep peacefully. Not have to worry about thieves and bandits like you.'

'We're not bandits,' Kaz denies.

'No one gets past the poison,' Ohval says, looking at you all. 'You're just a child, really.'

'A child who understood your weakness,' Kaz says.

'"Weakness",' Ohval repeats in a scoff. 'Four hundred years I've been alive. I've seen them all die. My family. All my loved ones. Taken away from me by time. Hundreds of years I closed my heart, as if that was the solution to ending all pain. What a safe way to live. What a small way, as well. You guard against pain. You guard against joy. But when you allow yourself to be blindsided by love… two worlds make a universe.'

Ohval's words hit you heart. Because this is the life you've lived. Before you met Aleksander. And your world colliding with his created a beautiful universe. If only for a short moment.

'He's not my weakness,' Ohval says. 'He's my universe. And I will see him through his days. Sharing every moment… until he is part of the night sky. What do I care about a blade? What do you care about a blade?'

'The Darkling has created an unkillable army made of shadow,' Kaz answers. 'Your sword is the only one sharp enough to cut them down.'

'That sounds like Ravka's problem,' Ohval says.

'You think he would be stopped by a line on a map?' Kaz asks. Ohval covers her beloved's ears.

'I think I can still kill you where you stand before you can blink,' she says. Others stand up.

'Sankta Neyar, I have met the Sun Summoner who will take leadership in Ravka if the Darkling is gone,' Tolya says, walking to you, and you flinch and his words. 'She is benevolent, and she is also Shu. She could be the living bridge between our two countries, but that can only happen if you grant us use of the blade.'

'Use of it?' Ohval asks with disbelief. 'All this just to borrow the blade?'

'All this just to protect your husband in his sleep?' you ask and smile softly. 'We each fight for what matters most.'

'And on my life, I will make sure that it is returned to its rightful home,' Tolya says. 'With you, Sankta Neyar.'

'Ohval,' the woman corrects him with a small smile. 'The last thing I need are... pilgrims crowding my gate.'

'Is it time for bed now, darling?' The Disciple asks.

'All of you, out,' Ohval says to you and you gather to leave, but she points at Jesper. 'Except for you, in the hat. I'll give the blade to you. Alone.'

Jesper stays while the rest of you heads to the exit. You're almost at the door when you hear Ohval's voice:

'Wait.'

You all turn. She's looking at you.

'You wait here,' she says. 'I need to speak with you.'

You're puzzled by it, but you nod. Jesper goes with The Disciple and Ohval, while the rest of your friends leave. You wait, alone. Finally, Jesper comes out with the sword in his hands. You are, however, focused on Ohval. Jesper leaves and you two are left alone.

'Do you know why I want to speak with you?' Ohval asks and you shake your head. 'I saw the look in your eyes when I was telling you about my life. You've lived like that, too, didn't you?'

'Yes,' you say quietly. 'I thought love is not meant for me. Until I met someone and… I was so happy. Do you know why I steal things?'

Ohval shakes her head. She looks at you with curiosity.

'Because I want things that aren't mine,' you say. 'Because I'm jealous what others have. But most importantly… I'm jealous they have someone who loves them. For years I didn't have someone like that. Until I did. And I had to leave them. And even though my heart breaks… I'm glad I got to know them.'

'Love is worth any pain,' Ohval says, nodding. 'But I can see a fight inside of you. What is it?'

'I fear the one I love is no longer the person I fell in love with,' you answer after a moment with tears in your eyes. Ohval understands quickly.

'The Darling,' she guesses. You nod and smile.

'My greatest theft wasn't like Kaz said to your husband stealing the device that threatened all Grisha,' you say. 'It was stealing his heart. Because even I haven't realised I did it.'

'You won't know by wondering,' Ohval says after a moment. 'Maybe he still can be saved. But if so, it can only be done by a person he loves. And who loves him back. Did you see him in your hallucinations?'

You nod. She smiles at you.

'Then, you know what to do,' she says. You think for a moment. Then determination fills your eyes. You nod and take her hands in yours.

'Thank you,' you say. She nods.

'We Saints have to have each other's back,' she chuckles. You grin and nod. You let go of her, nod your farewell at her and join others.

You set off. Your friends are chatting among themselves. But you don't listen to them. In your mind is only one thought.

I'm coming to save you, Aleksander.

A/N: Thank you for reading! Let me know your thoughts! Reblog, like and comment if you could.

This can also be found on Archive of Our Own: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47256868/chapters/120642712

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