#everyone seemed to default to english

[dwtdog]

the qsmp revolutionized the use of mods to communicate in minecraft yeah (I dont count the usmp mostly bc it didnt come out unfortanely) but it's also the server that will be remenbered as the international server that was sued /threaten to be sued by a french union for treating workers badly. Im sad for the team behind it bc they give a lot for it and this was their project too not only Q but i guess it's for the best. A negligent boss who cant maintain a company and a server without exploiting people shouldnt be let continuing and hurting others. I hope this a wake up call for Q and the community of the qsmp/ex dsmp toxics fans in regards of what they demand bc if it wasnt for people demands things like what happened with the admins wouldnt have happened, this was the price for the expecific type of content the public wanted and demanded that the dsmp didnt give them and Q pay it with sweat and tears from his workers

very good points, and i just think that it being remembered as the egg server/ the server that got sued is just. very indicative of how it ultimately failed at its goal ? like it does seem like a lot of the ccs on there did form genuine friendships with each other, and that the community of the server spanned many languages and cultures, but it was handled so poorly what with the disregard for workers rights and the xenophobia many brazilian fans and streamers experienced

[epic-and-kitty]

waking up early and realizing new Splatoon news is out is a happy feeling

Seeing just how quick people are to immediately attack the devs when something happens that they don't like makes me want to go back to bed

[kyra45]

Palestinian fundraiser method info update

(Palestinian fundraiser method info update)

Hi everyone! Prior to the scam blogs original starting up, I had always stated that PayPal or gogetfunding was considered suspicious due to Palestine fundraisers generally being a GoFundMe link since at that time it was commonly used. While this was originally true, I’d like to take time now to explain that it has now changed slightly due to GoFundMe freezing campaigns and Palestinians having to change to other methods of fundraising.

Now, legitimate/vetted/verified Palestinian fundraisers may use PayPal or gogetfunding as an alternative method to raise funds when gfm freezes their original fundraiser. You may have seen a few of these already, such as 90-ghost (Ahmed) using PayPal to raise funds for his brother or rubashabansblog using gogetfunding after the original gfm was frozen.

However, even with all this, I’d like to explain that there is still ways to check if a fundraiser is ran by the original gfm user and isn’t someone impersonating it as I’ve seen happen before. Here is a quick guide to making sure everything is all right:

- Check around to make sure the fundraiser is accurate to the original and is posted by the original fundraising account or at least someone who is related to them.

- Ensure the funds being requested matches the original fundraiser itself and isn’t a relatively low (For example, $450 itself is not an accurate goal at all.)

- If both of the above isn’t useable due to the account being brand new with very few posts, search the post text to see if it may be from a gfm and see if there’s any past blogs that may have used it that was previously took down. If the original gfm is still up and doesn’t seem linked to a tumblr blog, take caution as the account may be impersonating it by having a PayPal account with no mention of the active gfm and have a goal completely different and lower than the original.

Please understand that sometimes language barriers are a problem and it may lead to misunderstandings due to translation issues. Most blogs will continuously post about their fundraiser though some might not. Others will reuse asks by other accounts because it’s easier for them and they are not fluent in English. Images may be shared across the same family as well.

Now remember, not all Palestinian fundraisers are scams and there is numerous ways to ensure that you support vetted ones such as lists like this that show accounts/fundraisers that have been checked out and confirmed as legit. If someone says they’re vetted, you can easily search around to make sure that they have been.

PayPal and gogetfunding are no longer by default means of someone being a scam, but searching usernames/asks should still show if anything’s been previously recorded by other blogs. Please don’t call a fundraiser a scam on the spot just because it’s Palestinian. You can put effort into searching instead of assuming all of them are scams.

If anyone has additional information to add on, please do!

—

Additionally, please make sure that the donations you send are going through a real website and not one of those that is impersonating trusted ones.

[prophetszendo]

How the birds fly (Pt. 1)

Content warning: attempted suicide, very negative thoughts. Only read if you are in the right mindset

Summary: the adventuring life took a toll on you, and you face your feelings on a nightly walk

Pairing: Astarion/you (no use of pronouns or y/n)

Word count: 2.7k

Tags: hurt/comfort, kissing, I guess fluff?, I am horrible at tagging please forgive me

About the dialogs: they are in two different "-marks, because my program uses my native language as default. And as I'm not a native speaker, feel free to point out typos, or simply weird sentences. I aim to be better with English.

It was a very long day. You finally made camp after walking for half a day, defending yourselves against an ambush, then gettinf lost in some woods. You ended up in a clearing, somewhere up in a mountain. You were not even sure anymore that you were heading to the right direction.

Setting up camp always came with it’s duties. One of it was collecting wood for a fire so someone can make the only meal you usually eat a day. Today, you were on wood and branch duty. As if it wasn’t me nearly always – you thought to yourself. Everyone clearly preferred not doing it. It was a long task and if unsuccesful, the bearer could be blamed. They didn’t went far enough, didn’t look hard enough.

Of course, everyone was on edge by now. The tadpoles in your head, the waiting, the constant danger looming over all of you created this snappy and sarcastic environment. They never really meant any of it, it was just a way to let off some steam.

You tried to not think about any of it while you picked up another piece of wood. Somewhere in the distance you heard some birds rustling, chirping, and then flying away. You tried to look through the trees surrounding you to see their siluettes in the dawn, but they were far away.

Once you deemed you had enough wood, you headed back. You heard the camp from far away. Your companions talked loudly, as if they were in a tavern, not on some mountain in the middle of nowhere.

This used to make you smile. You used to think there was at least once place you could remotely call warm and home. Right now it just felt distant.

„I’m back” you announced. Your companions looked up in sync, and in agreement, they took all of it from you and started making a fire to cook. Everyone, except Astarion.

He had this game with you. Sometimes he gave you attention, and other times, like this, as if you were thin air. Which you probably wouldn’t have cared about that much, if only you didn’t have feelings for him for a time now. When he gave you his attention, it was simply heavenly. Great flirtatous talks, teasing words, maybe a few stolen moments alone, or a drink for him, from you. They were cherished by you.

You sighed as you sat down, watching the others get lost in the chaos of collecting the ingredients for dinner.

Gods, you felt alone.

Later, when it was already late at night, you lied in your tent, wide awake. You were exhausted, yet dreams evaded you. Maybe for the better – you thought to yourself. Since the tadpoles, they were confusing, and you couldn’t get the proper rest and awoke feeling tried.

You decided to take a walk. Maybe moving around could make you a bit more sleepy. You decided to take the same route you used for collecting wood. At least you had an idea where you were there, and where was camp.

It was a very clear night, the moon was also full and shining bright. So bright, that it nearly dimmed all of the stars.

You zoned out while walking. When you came to, you noticed a cliff. You decided to take a rest there, and using what light tbe moon provides to just sit and watch.

There was a branch conveniently a few meters from the edge of the cliff.

In the distance, you heard and owl making noise. The next moment, it flew above you, and into the horizon.

You always wanted to fly. It seemed so free. From everything. Let it be the ground that was under you, or the burden of everyday life.

Not that you had a big burden back in Baldur’s Gate. It was the opposite, really. Everyday was the same. It grew dull overtime. Yet you couldn’t find anything motivating enough to change it. You were prepared to grow old, doing the same thing. You also had trouble bonding with people there. Not that you didn’t try, the friendships just always seemed to wither away with time. And the tavern buddies slowly all stopped showing up, until you were sitting by yourself, drinking some cheap ale.

Originally you thought of this tadpole event to be the push you needed to finally change your life around for the better. Learn new skills, like how to set up camp, survive on your own, decide which berry is edible. Make great friends for life – if you make it out alive. You were positive at the start that you would. You took on every challenge, helped every person that came your way, moved every rock to find a cure.

The others started to see you as their leader. It made you happy, gave you a purpose.

Until it became too much. You had to make the hard choices: who to side with? Which lead to follow? Kill someone and be sure they won’t spill your plan to the enemy, or let them live and be hopeful that they will be true to their promise?

It didn’t help that everyone had opinions, which they didn’t hesitate to share. And someone always disapproved, and it was on you.

And seemingly only you had nothing personal to solve. Everyone had a life, a purpose, a big enemy, an end goal. A reason to get the tadpole out. What waited for you after the adventure was just... grey. As it was before.

You sometimes wished this adventure would never end. You liked being around everyone. Karlach’s happy demeanor, how she seemed to be excitied for everything. Lae’zel and Shadowheart’s conflicts did bring some tension, but it always turned out well in the end. Gale and his magical hunger made you slightly amused: who actually eats boots? Not to mention Wyll, Halsin or Volo.

Astarion. Obviously, he was the star of the group. For you, at least. You loved how he liked deception and mocking people. You loved hearing his sweet words, especially when one of those were your name. You loved, when he opened up a little about himself. How life was for him as a spawn. It twisted your heart to hear him struggle, and you tried to help any way you could. Basically blidly following if he had a suggestion, even claiming it was your idea, if the others asked.

You believed your feelings became obvious for the others some time ago. You overheard them talk, then suddenly go silent when they saw you. Your name was whisperes silently along with Astarion’s a few times, but you were never included in those conversations.

You stood up, and took a few steps ahead, while fixing your gaze on the stars. They looked beautiful, like tiny little lanters far in the sky.

Like how the blood splattered from the goblin you killed today.

The image suddenly invaded your mind, and you now all you saw in the sky was bloodshed and violence. You didn’t want to end their life, it seemed pointless. They didn’t even seem so evil, just like a few pawns in the bigger game.

You tried to redirect your thoughts, so you thought about something else. More precisely, someone else. His silverish hair, eyes so sharp, that they see into your soul, his vampire smile he only shows with you.

Usually these pictures comfort you, but how Astarion had been acting lately, you just felt more invisible, even smaller.

Yes, invisible. You found the right word. As if you were hidden behind your responsibilities and decisions. As if your opinions, emotions did not matter anymore. Because you will do all the hard stuff, let it be collecting wood, taking the blame, or deciding to let someone bleed out or end their suffering.

They probably haven’t even noticed just how much you had on your shoulders.

Would they notice if you were gone?

You took a few steps closer to the cliff. You wondered what could be on the bottom. Maybe the river you passed recently? Or was that on the other side? Maybe a few boulders.

The memory of the birds you heard today flashed i ro your mind. You really did want to feel free, like how they were flying away from you.

You stood on the edge. The front of your feet were not even on the ground anymore. The moon didn’t give enough light to see what was on thr bottom. It seemed like a dark pit, that could just swallow you whole.

You felt something cold on your face. You realized that while you were lost in your thoughts, you started crying.

You never faced your raw feelings before. Maybe that’s why. Or because you finally made a decision. One, that would make sure you never ever had to make anymore.

„I always wanted to try flying...” you whispered in front of you, into the abyss.

You closed your eyes, and put your arms out, imitating wings. You shifted your weight, and started to fall forward...

...and with a suddend yank, you fell back, onto something warm.

You were confused, and it took you a few seconds to realize what happened. Sounds slowly made it to your ear, and the little light into your eyes.

„Fuck, dammit, you... No, it’s not your fault, I’m sorry, but shit, I can’t believe... Do you know what you were doing?!”

A voice came from under and behind you. It was rambling, sounding very distraught. Maybe even scared.

You turned around, still a bit lightheaded from the shock of falling backwards. Your eyes met a very familiar pair of scarlet eyes.

Astarion.

He was panting, as if he ran from camp all the way here. But you doubted it, he wouldn’t run after you. Maybe he noticed you were gone?

Suddenly, he hugged you tightly. His fingers dug into you, as if you could just float away anytime from his grasp. He felt warm, which was unusual to you. But truth be told, he never held you like this before.

He struggled breathing. He didn’t need to get air, which just added to the list of strange things happening. Maybe you actually fell and now living in just a fantasy?

But no, you slowly started to hear soft sniffles with the breathing. Astarion was... Sobbing.

„I’m... So, so sorry” he said, making eyecontact again. You noticed tears forming in his eyes.

You were at a loss for words. You finally pieced together what happened. Astarion saved you in the last second, and he was clearly distraught by what happened.

You felt guilty.

„What happened?” Astarion asked with a soft voice. You looked away, not being able to make a sound. You yearned to share your feelings with him, but there seemed to be no proper words to use. Nor a voice to say anything with.

„You... You’re so strong. What happened? What did we... What did I miss?”

The correction in his sentence made you heart flutter and ache at the same time. He clearly was very caring towards you, but you feared it was just one of those times and that it would never last longer than a few days.

„I’m...” you stuttered. Your voice felt like it wasn’t yours. You had to put all your strength into forming just a few words. „...not...strong...”

Astarion looked at you, with immense worry. You couldn’t say more now, and you felt like you couldn’t speak again for a long time.

You tugged on his tadpole, inviting him for a visit in your mind. You previously all agreed in the group, that you give everyone the privacy of their own mind, so you opening a way into yours was unusual.

You gave him a faint smile. You tried to put encouragement into it. He closed his eyes, and stepped through the door into your memories and feelings.

You showed him everything. How life was for you in Baldur’s Gate, and just how miserable you felt. How the initial excitement of this adventure turned into a daily torture of decisions, where there was no right answer, responsibilities which were crushing you, and the constant judgement of others.

You showed him the rollercoaster of feelings his actions caused. The hope you cradled for so much time, the longing you felt for him. The pain you felt everytime it seemed like he was just toying with you.

You shared how ready you were to let things end.

As he experienced your feelings, his arm grew even tighter around you, and he slowly buried his wet face into your neck.

After you showed him everything, he pulled out of your mind. He lifted his head, but only so much that his mouth was to your ear.

„You’re so much stronger than I thought you to be, darling” he whispered. „I never knew you struggled so much. You always seemed so sure, you... You never took any shit. You seemed so brave and determined.”

He gulped, and took a deep breath. He slowly lifted his head fully, to be face to face with you.

„I guess... I never thought about how it affects you. It was so easy following what you say, letting you decide on every crossroad. And it was so easy... Blaming you, if something went south. We... I should’ve stopped to think about you. And how you feel.”

Tears started forming again. He took another shaky breath, and tried to quickly blink them away.

„I always took you for granted. A strong leader, who is always there. And not just there...”

He looked down. You saw a single teardrop sneaking over his cheek. You never saw him this vulnerable before.

„I took you granted in a more... personal way too. Now that I saw myself through your eyes, I understand. Gods, I was such an asshole with you.”

He paused for a moment, as if searching for words. He opened his mouth, but closed it back soon. You sat in silence for a bit. You didn’t mind.

For the first time, you felt seen.

„I was scared of my own feelings” Astarion said suddenly. You sligthly raised your eyebrows, suggesting suprise. His own feelings?

„Yes. The ones I have for you.”

Your stomach filled up with butterflies. Did you hear that correctly? You couldn’t do anything, but blink at him.

„Whenever I realized just how much I care about you, I pushed you away. In my past, caring about someone meant you had another exploitable weak spot. Someone they could hurt to hurt you. And I didn’t want anyone to hurt you. So I pushed you away, since if I’m cold towards you, noone will think anything of you.”

He chuckled a little.

„But I could never keep it up for long. Because I missed you, Gods I missed you so much, even when you were right beside me, covering my back in a battle, sleeping just a few tents away. And yet, I kept missing you so much, it hurt. And now that I see, just how much it hurt you, I regret it so, incredibly much. We could have had sweet stolen moments together, if only I was less stubborn, and looked out for you a little more.”

Astarion looked utterly defeated and sad. You felt the truth in his words, and it was something you only ever dreamed of. You raised your hand to caress his cheek. He gave you one of those vampire smiles that made your knees weak.

He lifted both his hands, and held your face just under your ears. He pulled you closer to himself, and out your foreheads together. It was a very intimate moment.

„I think I fell in love with you” he whispered so silently, you barely heard it. But you did. And it gave your voice back.

„I fell in love with you, too” you said, giving him the first real smile since you were here.

He slowly leaned closer to you. You closed your eyes, and got lost in the moment.

And then... He kissed you.

[featherquillpen]

Gained in Translation

I speak four languages (at varying degrees of fluency) and do translation both for smooth and peaceable family reunions and for fun, with works of literature I enjoy. It's practically a truism at this point that meaning gets lost in translation; in fact, I'm currently reading an excellent book, Babel by R.F. Kuang, in which there is magic powered by the meaning lost in translation. But a topic I hardly ever hear anyone discuss is how meaning can be gained in translation.

Example 1: References

A type of meaning that can be gained in translation is that when you translate from language A to B, you can make references to other texts in language B that the person who wrote the original in language A wouldn't have been aware of. Here is an example from a translation I did of a Pablo Neruda poem:

Yo te recordaba con el alma apretada

de esa tristeza que tú me conoces.

I remembered you with my soul gripped

by the tragic ordeal of being known by you.

These lines in Spanish reminded me a lot of the meme based on the viral New York Times article about how you need to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known in order to reap the rewards of being loved. So I decided to make a subtle reference to that quote in the way I phrased the English translation. This meaning, of course, doesn't exist in the original Spanish; I added it in.

Example 2: Meaningful Distinctions

Meaning is often gained in translation because the target language makes a distinction that the source language does not. The translator has to choose one side of that distinction, and so meaning is gained.

Here is an example from the Spanish localization of the Japanese RPG Fire Emblem: Three Houses. There are two unlockable scenes in which the character Hubert is given a gift as a romantic gesture. Now, I don't speak Japanese, but through reading the analyses and translations done by Japanese speakers, and by checking for consistency in the kanji, I can see that the same word for "gift" seems to be used throughout these scenes. However, in Spanish, there are multiple words for "gift" with rather different connotations, which becomes relevant in the localization.

In Spanish, there is no generic word for "gift" that applies in every situation. There is a distinction made between gifts that are personal, between people who care about each other, and gifts between people who are not close, such as charitable gifts and formal gifts given to a diplomat. The translators of the game had to choose which of these words to use in the Spanish, and they used the distinction to add some very interesting meaning to these romantic scenes.

In each scene, what happens is that Hubert notices the person has a gift and comments on it, thinking it's for somebody else. In these lines, in Spanish, Hubert uses the personal intimate word for gift. Then, when he finds out the gift is for him, and reacts very awkwardly, he switches to a formal word for gift, creating an emotional distance between himself and the romantic token. This is excellent characterization and adds a layer of meaning in translation.

Example 3: Meaningful Ambiguity

Sometimes, the opposite phenomenon occurs, where the target language does not make a distinction that the source language does, and that ambiguity or vagueness adds something to the translation.

I have a Finnish friend who has told me that fiction that plays with gender is often more meaningful for him in Finnish translation than in the source language, because Finnish does not have gendered third person pronouns. Where books like The Left Hand of Darkness or Ancillary Justice have to make a conscious decision about which gendered pronoun to use for characters that fall outside the Western gender binary (The Left Hand of Darkness uses "he" and Ancillary Justice uses "she"), the Finnish translations can just use the default neutral pronoun they use for everyone, and never have to resolve that ambiguity in any direction. My friend has told me that there are some books about non-gender-normative characters that he wishes he'd read in Finnish instead of English because the experience would have felt more authentic in some ways.

What It Means

The reason why I bring all of this up is that the concept of meaning lost in translation is tied to the idea of translation as an act of violence. Indeed, there is a saying in Italian, "Traduttore, traditore," which means "Translator, traitor." I agree that translation can definitely be an act of violence that destroys the intended meaning of a text and warps it to suit the needs of the speakers of the target language. But when we focus only on what is lost in translation, at the expense of what is gained in translation, then we deny that translation can be an act of liberation and power.

I was raised in a bicultural household speaking both English and Spanish, and when I translate between these languages, it makes me feel empowered and proud of my heritage. It feels insulting to me to claim that when I translate, I can only ever deplete the meaning. That is not true. Every translation requires a translator, and we are more than thieves and traitors. We are more, even, than archivists, trying to minimize loss and decay as much as possible. We are creatives and inventors who can add something beautiful and meaningful to the text via our translations.

[cometcon]

I've been getting increasingly pissed off at stuff like this with Helluva Boss for a while now so I'm running out of room for patience and giving the benefit of the doubt.

I'm not Deaf/HoH but I do have audio processing disorder and I have been involved with the Deaf/HoH community through learning Auslan and needing some of the same accommodations in my life so it's becoming increasingly apparent just how much they get short-changed by a society that does not care and has to be pressed constantly for the bare minimum of accommodating anyone other than the expected default abled demographic.

I'm sorry but while having a character who signs was fucking amazing to see even as a Hearing person

and it's been genuinely great to have the last episode of Season 1 with actual subtitles and all of Season 2 up to this one having actual subtitles

SEASON 1 STILL HAS FUCKING AUTO-GEN

We have to read T R A N S C R I P T S to understand what's going on in the entirety of Season 1 except for the final episode because while Hearing people who aren't affected by needing actual subtitles seem to think autogen and otherwise having to engage with just a transcript is good enough, news flash, IT ISN'T. Autogen has been getting better but it still fucks up (if your accommodation doesn't bring everyone up to speed with the same access as abled people your accommodation isn't good enough) and if your video is older like Season 1s are then they're FUCKING AWFUL. Even good autogen takes more energy to engage with than proper subtitles making it still more difficult than it needs to be to engage with a video.

This has annoyed me for a while but I was hoping they just needed some time to sort out someone to go make subtitles and put them up.

At the very least I figured ok, they're at least putting proper subtitles up for Season 2. Took them until OOPS came out to do it if I recall correctly, but they did it. Strange they stopped at the end of Season 1 but ok, whatever. Give them time.

Nothing has changed. It's been 3 years and nothing has changed.

Then The Full Moon dropped directly after Mammon's Magnificent Musical. I was expecting there to be proper subtitles since Season 2 now is being given them upon release.

...

So basically fuck anyone who needs proper subtitles.

This

is officially lip service to look good, not proper representation.

You can't follow this with fucking autogenerated bullcrap pretending to be accommodation.

I saw someone sending an ask in an hour or so ago to another blog to talk about The Full Moon and mentioned offhandedly in it that they had to look at the transcript to catch a line they wanted to understand and talk about.

I'd been hoping they would just put the subtitles up maybe a day or so later at least.

IT'S BEEN A WEEK.

Vivzie doesn't care about Deaf/HoH people. She chucked the kid in for brownie points. And hey, sure, brownie point rep is better than no rep, but it isn't actual representation and really doesn't deserve that much praise if you immediately follow it up with a fucking AUTOGEN ENGLISH ONLY EPISODE.

Sincerely, fuck you too.

EDIT: There are proper subtitles on The Apology Tour, so I'm glad for that at least. It came out like two weeks after The Full Moon meaning it had to be in production at the same time so idk why they could put subtitles on release for TAT and not TFM, but whatever. And hilariously (read: mystifyingly and infuriatingly) enough, THE FULL MOON STILL ONLY HAS AUTOGEN AS OF THIS EDIT BEING TYPED ON THE 25TH OF JUNE 2024. Why? Why is it the only one without subtitles in S2? Why is S1 still all auto-gen even now, right up until the Kesha-song episode? Spindlehorse continues to confuse and annoy me with their flipflopping on their supposed caring about accommodation.

[odusseus-xvi]

Pomme, the french egg

So I did a post about the french streamers (and their characters) and their mischaracterization I could see from time to time (https://www.tumblr.com/odusseus-xvi/724443078442778624/hello-helloooo-friend-hi-i-just-wanted-to-say) But I realised I didn't talk about Pomme, who has arguably the MOST mischaracterization I can find :

Most of the fandom see her only through English or other languages streams (BBH, Philza and Maximus mostly recently) limiting their views of her in general, but because of that a lot of people don't seem to know what her personnality is like, and most of the time in fanarts or fanfics she just feels like Talullah (which people also mischaracterize) but french, a little sweet girl in a little dress, so I decided to do a little summary of what she is like and some of her traits that you may have missed :

What people do get right is that she is most of the time polite and empathetic, that people get, though they tend to simplify her to only that.

She is very intelligent (learned a bit of create with Aypierre) and likes to both theorize and gossip with Baghera.

One of her parents is ETOILES !! She is a good and competent fighter ; just a few days ago she went and did a Nether Dungeon with Phil and Etoiles while Talullah worked on her garden. Her main weapon is a Moonlight GREATsword, a GREATsword, a BIGASS SWORD. She participated in infiltration missions in Federation Buildings alongside BBH, and Aypierre, in which she saved her father (Aypierre) from being caught and interrogated by Cucurucho

She has developped a deep paranoïa when it comes to the eggs' and her own safety ; between the combination of the attack of the code on her a while back, where she lost ten totems in mere seconds, an attack so strong that the admins went "ok my bad, we went a little far" (Draw her with golden scars !!! The tens of totems that saved her !!!), and the explosion at the Wilbur Party where she lagged just enough that she wasn't tped as fast as the other eggs and saw parts of the explosion. She is now scared of explosions, and always on the lookout (She also shows from time to time that her inventory and hotbar is constantly filled with gold apples and splash regeneration potions.) : During Etoiles' solo fight with the codes, when she saw the first "Dapper is down" message, and that she knew Phil was AFK, she went and pressed the OVO button HERSELF immediatly, and she got there faster than Forever !!

She is a really good writer, her diaries are praised by her parents everytime they read it, and she decided it would what would represent her in BBH's Egg Museum : She built a library where she will put her books for everyone to read. She is also a good and patient builder, with particular attention to interior design : While doing that she has shown a bit of maniacal side : She LOVES symmetry, and is irritated very easily when it doesn't go that route : One time Etoiles was teasing her by putting random blocks in her build and she went "PUT THAT GRASS BLOCK DOWN !!!" and when he continued she just left without saying goodbye.

She doesn't like to lie or steal things, she is honest in that way, BUT she often dodges questions either by saying things like "Don't worry about it :)" or by trying to guilt trip the asker by looking sad or drowning herself. She aslo picked up from Baghera the way she buries herself when mocked or shamed.

She can have a very dry and aware humor coming from Antoine's irony and cynicism and Aypierre's teachings.

Also fun fact, because of timezones, her default state on the server is sleep deprived. She is a sleepy egg.

TL;DR : She is a sweet Badass, and I'll stand by that. I need more fanarts of her with scars, her sword, dark circles under her eyes, and LOOKING LIKE THE GENTLE BADASS SHE IS !

[diaryujin]

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐈𝐒 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄? (𝐈𝐓'𝐒 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔)

summary: you’re the best thing that’s happened to the girls – a life-changing event. it shows.

OR little things that (G)I-DLE do with you and only you

genre: fluff

includes: google translated thai and korean pls do not come after me if it’s wrong or weird, indirect mention of soojin leaving but oh well, got a little deep in yuqi’s bit, mention of idol struggles, wHY ARE THERE SO FEW WARNINGS 

pairing: idol! (g)i-dle x non-idol! fem! Reader

word count: 1.3k

a/n: this is all fluff, a rare exhibit even i’m shocked…

taglist: @kflixnet

cho miyeon

Miyeon is known for being extremely feminine and girlish and being on the receiving end of affection. It’s her trait, something everyone adores her for, and something she’s proud of. Yet, with you, she ends up doing things that are traditionally done by ‘the giver’ or the ‘man in the relationship’. Often, you’ll see her covering your shoulders with her favorite jacket when it’s cold, wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you closer when you seem uncomfortable, letting you borrow her shirts and accessories, and – hear ye, hear ye – big spooning you. She does it all so casually and without a word leaving her mouth, just a sweet smile, making it seem like a normal thing to do when, in reality, it isn’t. She’s giving you her prized things without a single word of complaint – which isn’t the experience of the other members, as they have so grumbled to you before. 

Can you blame her? You’re one of the very few things that truly belong to her, and she can’t help but want to show everyone else sometimes, even if it breaks character. Plus, you look adorable in her outfits, and she’ll always push aside her narcissism and self-love for you.

yontarak nicha (minnie)

Nicha speaks to you in English, which is how she’s practiced and became proficient in it. She often finds herself malfunctioning though because of the crap you do to the point that she thinks in three languages. If you do something stupid to annoy her, for example, the thought train in her brain choo-choos from “โอ้ ให้ตายเถอะ เธอทำอะไรลงไป-?” to “잠깐만 왜 그렇게 웃는 게 이렇게 귀엽지?” to “OH CRAP THERE’S FLOUR IN MY HAIR?!” in a split second. It’s crazy to her because, before you, her mind’s default language was Thai, only translating it to words in English or Korean or something else she knew if she had to speak to someone who wasn’t from her country, which was a huge portion of the world. For you to be able to make her think multilingually? That was a feat she never saw happening. She makes sure that she speaks in English by the end of the day though, which is why she lags a couple of times when trying to respond to you.

First, her thoughts are jumbled in different languages. Second, she has to bring them all back to her native language - Thai. Third, she has to translate what she wants to say from Thai to English. Fourth, she has to make sure she doesn’t end up directly translating Thai phrases and idioms to English, where they make no sense. Give her a break.

(Thai - oh shit what did she just do-?  Korean - wait why is she so cute laughing like that?)

seo soojin

Soojin is quiet. She was the quietest member in (G)I-DLE, a stark contrast to the other girls. She also used to playfully reject most affection that they (Shuhua) offered, acting all tsundere-like. When it comes to you, however, you find that she’s the one initiating almost everything. Random back hugs, her hand suddenly sliding into yours perfectly, her lips puckering into that adorable duck lip she has when your faces are barely touching, you feeling your cheeks being cupped by her as she gives you uncalled-for kisses and more. If you try to push her away or ignore her acts of love, she’ll playfully whine and pester you to give her the attention that she desires from you. Of course, she knows where to stop bothering you and to give you space when you seriously need some alone time, but in moments unlike that, she’ll be like a small toddler bothering their parent for something insignificant.

It’s like you’re the Soojin to her Shuhua in SooShu, which is ironic if anything. She can’t be bothered to change her mannerisms though – she loves you so dearly that she’s afraid her heart might burst and she wants to make sure you know that.

jeon soyeon

Soyeon wrote Queencard and Allergy on a whim after you once told her that you didn’t like the way your body looked. You had been her muse for a few love songs, her favorite example being when she collaborated with Nicha on the lyrics of Dahlia and got endlessly teased by the girl for months on end for it (“You’re a simp!”), but these two were dedicated to you. Of course, she never mentioned it to anyone for fear of your name getting leaked out to fans, and she wasn’t going to get made fun of for loving you twice – she learned her lesson with one girl, imagine if all the others joined in on it? She didn’t allow you to listen to either until it was released officially, but it was all worth it when she got to see you screaming ‘why am I me?’ and ‘my boob and booty’s hot’ 24/7 around her. 

She’d always sport a small smile when she saw you listening to it, knowing that this made you feel at least a little bit better and confident in yourself. You had done so much for her and had been her rock and inspiration when she struggled and this was the least she could do to repay the favor.

(if you don’t like queencard or allergy sHhHh just go with it)

song yuqi

Yuqi is loud and argumentative to the point she can break the eardrums of whoever she sits in a heated discussion. She uses it to her advantage when she wants people to see her viewpoint and as a stan attractor for her group. Having to put up an image like that all the time in front of cameras and the eyes of adoring fans is exhausting though, and she always looks forward to the end of the day when she can come back to you and melt in your arms, or at least video call you if she’s on tour. You’re the calm to her storm, and she admires you for that. You’re able to handle her, rain or shine. Even if she gets overly emotional over something tiny, you’ll always be there to console her. Her favorite pastime is to simply cuddle with you on the couch and talk to you about random shit quietly as she closes her eyes and lets you hold her close. She can be herself with you, plain and simple, without worrying about what you think of her.

You’re her comfort space, where she can just be. As an idol, such a privilege is hard to get, which is why you’re her little secret, hidden away from almost everyone except a select few, and reserved for her only.

yeh shuhua

Shuhua is boisterous. She loves to make quips at people and bullies them playfully (just look at Miyeon). All the members and her family are victims of her teasing – no one is spared, except you. Instead, she lets you poke fun at her, with smacks to her head, mocking whatever she does, making disgusted looks at her when she acts cute, and whatnot. She’ll patiently wait there for you to be done before responding to you with an exasperated sigh or an insult back. It’s not as harsh as what she’s said to the other girls, and they have noticed the obvious favoritism whenever you go over to their dorms. They always complain about it to Shuhua, especially Yuqi, saying that they should get some of her love too. She denies any accusations of special treatment and argues back that they’re not her partner, you are, and thus they’re not worthy of her affection. It usually ends with Yuqi and Shuhua bantering for a long while as the rest, including you, watch in amusement.

You’re so special, one of the best things that’s happened to her. As much as she loves her group, you’ll always be on a higher pedestal in her head than them, resulting in a free pass and a shield from her relentless taunts. You don’t know whether to be grateful or a little concerned, but it’s nice to boast about a liberty to the others and watch their faces of annoyance.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Sorry if someone has asked this already, and I have to admit I’m not completely caught up with ttou yet, but how exactly do space pronouns work? Throughout the story everyone seems to know exactly how to gender everyone else without messing up, and no one is ever telling anyone else their pronouns, at least not “on screen.” Do they all have tattoos or something? Or does everyone just assume based on what someone looks like? Also Aspen is also presumably non(trinary?) and gets correctly they/themed by the freshly woken up crew members in the first scene they meet. Is pronouns worked into their names in the new language somehow? My theory is that it’s an interlingua thing. Ttou is obviously written in English, and therefore requires some sort of pronouns most of the time, but why would the future vocabulary need gendered language? They could easily just have a grammatical system where that’s not necessary. And so then the pronouns that you are writing for people are just part of the translating of Aspens narration to try to work the characters’ gender identities into the language system that we currently use. Or maybe I’m just completely missing something that was explained in the first chapter or something.

'They' is a default pronoun for people of unknown gender, so the chances of someone misgendering Aspen are pretty low. Aspen generally knows people's pronouns right away because they look up crew members in the computer before they wake them and their gender is in their profiles. When Tal wakes unexpectedly, Aspen refers to kem as 'they' in narration (not knowing kes gender) until they look at kes profile. The only person on the ship whose pronouns aren't immediately clockable from gender information is Earl, and we don't see Aspen's first few conversations with or about Earl.

Aspen knows people's pronouns exactly the same way your or I do -- by knowing their gender and making an assumption based on that, or picking them up in conversation with others. It's not some big deal that people need to have a huge awkward conversation over.

[ckret2]

hey ^^ I love your bill goldilocks cipher, and I was wondering why he possesses a female-presenting body. I am a huge fan of your art btw so don’t take this the wrong way, I just would love to know how you designed him!

The short answer: because he's canonically referred to with he/him pronouns.

The long answer: if you meet somebody who, at a first glance, appears to be anatomically female, and everyone refers to this person with he/him pronouns, you don't immediately know what's going on.

Maybe he's a trans man who's comfortable with his body the way it is as long as everyone around him still treats him as a man. Maybe she's a trans woman with really transphobic acquaintances. Maybe he's nonbinary, maybe he's genderfluid, maybe he's a drag queen who's dressed up for an event but not currently in character, maybe he's a he/him lesbian—you don't know, and it likely isn't your business.

There's only one thing you do know: whatever's going on here, it probably ain't cishet. This person has something going on that does not fit the gender binary. All you can say about him is that he's queer.

Bill's gender is triangle. This simply does not fit within humanity's popular ideas about the male-female binary. Whatever his sexual orientation is, it is not restricted to "only females/only males (as humanity defines femaleness/maleness)"—and so he can't possibly be heterosexual in a manner readily recognizable to human beings. Amongst Bill's own species, maybe he was the most cishet guy you've ever met, I haven't decided; but if you stick Bill amongst humans, regardless of how he sees himself, he'll look queer to us.

On top of that: stick Bill in a human body, and there's a disconnect between his self-identity and the shape he's wearing. Strangers will see him as something he's not: human. He feels trapped in a wrong-shaped form amongst people who think this is normal and what he feels he should be is strange—and if he ever explains that psychological weight of feeling wrong-shaped, the humans most likely to go "I think I get it" are the trans folks who know what dysphoria feels like.

I don't think Bill cares what pronouns humans give him; I think he's called "he/him" either because his human victims decided he sounds male-ish, or else because he consciously decided to take advantage of sexism by presenting himself as male to seem more authoritative. And I don't think Bill cares about the anatomy of the human body he's in; he could have been given any variety of genitalia, secondary sex characteristics, hormone balances, body fat distributions, etc., and he would have been equally uncomfortable in any because they're not a triangle. It makes no difference to him.

But it does something to you (you, The Readers In General): it makes you wonder about his relationship with his body.

Because we're speaking English on the Internet in the 21st century, you and I are participating in a culture that sees having both a vagina and he/him pronouns as Not The Default. It makes Bill look genderqueer-in-a-human-way, and that makes it easier to slide readers over to seeing him as genderqueer-in-a-nonhuman-way. It makes you think about queerness, about dysphoria, about nonbinary folks who defy the expected correlations between pronouns and anatomy without changing their bodies to make them "match."

This is the second or third time somebody's asked me why I put Bill in a female-presenting body. If I'd done the opposite, nobody would have ever asked me why I put Bill in a male-presenting body. Because that's "normal." And I want you to ask questions! I want you to think about Bill's self-image, his internal landscape, the gulf between who he is mentally and what he is physically.

Before I ever directly draw attention to queer topics, I can get folks primed to think about them and to understand that his body doesn't accurately represent his identity just by slapping a pair of boobs on him.

So I slapped a pair of boobs on him.

[merakiui]

this is my first time doing this so i hoping im doing this right but i was in my english class the other day and the poem we were reading reminded so much of monops!jade. The poem is about a Duke talking to a servant about his late wife and at first youre like “aww he seems to miss his wife” until you read further and youre like “huh this sounds kinda suspicious”. The duke says that his wife was too easily impressed by the sunset and cherries a “officious fool” gave her. His jealousy continued to show through when he says that his gift of his last name was treated like any other gift and it got to point that he got so jealous that his late wife smiled at everyone that it he sent out a command that made “all smiles stopped together”

Like the jealousy and the possessiveness that the duke had towards everyone and his wife reminds me of how monops!jade was like! Anyways i just wanted to get this off my chest because my head couldn’t stop thinking about jade in this poem :D

:O !!!!! Would that happen to be "My Last Duchess" by Robert Browning? I've read and studied it before! It really is such a fascinating poem. Even as a portrait, the Duchess is forever his, as he is given the control to show her off as he pleases (which is what he does in his monologue). Even the title has ownership: My Last Duchess. The pleasure in having absolute control is derived from the fact that, whether alive or dead, the Duchess will never have agency for herself and thus the Duke is free to keep and control her forever. Even the way she was painted and portrayed was to suit the Duke's tastes! Her entire being is more so a possession for the Duke, which makes the frame that contains her all the more tragic. >_<

I can definitely see Monops!Jade in this poem! He's so possessive, much like the Duke, and hates the fact that you show him the same smile you show to everyone else (especially Floyd). Jade's obsession in that story is especially gross. T^T most of the story is about how determined Jade is to wipe that smile off your face and make you show him an expression he's never seen before (tears). He's greedy and heartless and led by obsessive hedonism. It's all about control and destructive avarice. Even at the end, when Jade has you for himself, he doesn't feel satisfied. He's spent the entire plot aiming to have you and now that he does he doesn't feel fulfilled. Perhaps it's something in which he'll never truly feel whole no matter what he does...

I like Jade's character because he can appear so normal and composed at first, which makes Floyd seem worse by default. But then you'll see Jade at his worst and realize he is far more terrifying than Floyd could ever be. Floyd is like an execution: swift and brutal, but over before you know it (and you also know it's coming). Jade is an invasive species or a sickness that creeps up on you and, by the time you finally notice it, it's already too late. I think an unhinged Jade is so creepy!!!!! Jade as the Duke in the poem is such a good thought and comparison... he really would have a monologue that starts off innocent and grows more suspicious and unsettling as he continues!

[docholligay]

A relevant question was asked by @tallangrycockatiel about my love of Interview With the Vampire: "Um, why are you into something that is all about dudes, all the time? Is this us not being a bitch's bitch?" Only, she is English so she said it in a more polite, suggested sort of way.

A very fair question! It is extremely true that, by and large, a thing with men only is less interesting to me by far and it takes a lot more for me to get into it. But she was not put off by this, for she had developed a theory:

My two initial theories are that either it hit you early enough that that hadn't become such a strong preference, or that it has something to do with the fact that despite being 95% men the entire cast seems to be having what I can only describe as dyke drama the entire time.

She both knows me and is smart, so there we are. The answer is basically: YES.

I started reading the Vampire Chronicles when I was something around 13, and so I didn't really have an idea that it was kind of fucked up that men we treated as the only default interesting people on earth. I pretty much took it as an implicit truth, where I never would have SAID that, but, I was very much in what can only be described as a 'masculinity k-hole' where of course I wanted to be a 'tomboy' and the only way for a girl to be tough and cool was if she was 'just like a boy' and this whole idea that men and masculinity were superior vomit vomit vomit whatever I am perfectly capable of beating someone's ass in red lipstick but that line of thinking did not occur to me at the time.

So I had NO sensitivity to the idea that stories whose ENTIRE UNIVERSES centered around men might be even, annoying. Anne Rice straight up does not care about or like women, and it is absolutely reflected in the way she writes her female characters. I cannot IMAGINE someone reading these as a fully grown adult who thinks women are neat, actually, and not coming away going, "My god, what is happening in these books?" But when you grow up with something, it changes with you, and the ways you think of it aren't COMING from adult you, they are, at least in part, coming from YOUNG you. And, in much the same way A Song of Ice and Fire, which I read at a similar time, gave me what I wanted from fantasy and wasn't getting, this did as well. I did not know that it would have been what is now called urban fantasy, and I didn't know that was a thing I liked (I very much know that now) all I knew was, I liked it. It was batshit and felt dangerous and it was unhinged and very gothic, though, again, not a way I could have expressed it.

So I'm carrying all that --I'll say baggage even though that has a negative connotation--when I come to the work. I already pre-like it.

This can of course backfire, but it didn't, so, I'm not gonna get into that.

NUMBER TWO: The 'all dudes' thing is not insurmountable. It's a quality issue. I love Dan Simmons' work and his women are basically nonexistent. There are plenty of things I like that don't center women. But, the bar to entry is MUCH higher. I would never in my life willingly watch something like "sailor moon but boys though."

What Interview has, that I love, is a very rare thing: Well written, EXPLICITLY gay, and everyone is fucking terrible. It is an adult show for grown-ass adults where people fuck and murder and abuse each other. Armand is the physical manifestation of gaslight gatekeep girlboss. Louis rewrites an entire personal history to make himself look better and emotionally manipulates everyone he comes into contact with. Lestat is a hot tempered, vain dilettante who does shit without thinking and then has the audacity to go, "Oh no, the quencies!" Everyone sucks, everyone is abusive in one way or another, all the fucking exes overlap, and I LOVE IT. Anyone looking for a hero or victim is watching the wrong fucking show and I am SO HAPPY ABOUT IT.

I'll close with my response when we were talking about how fucking great Sarah Waters is, in relation to the above:

it took me forever to realize that I didn't actually want recommendations for lesbian fic, what I was actually asking is: So who is doing it like Sarah Waters? Which unfortunately is no one. The woman is my own personal oasis in the desert.

And God, it has taken me YEARS to convince people that I care so much less about whether or not something is gay than if it is GOOD. Does it say something TRUE, you know? Is it messy? Is it sometimes uncomfortable? I would fucking LOVE if it could be gay on top of these things, but I'll real here:

l'll read a good straight thing versus a bad and especially a fluffy gay thing

I LOVE that shit like REd, White and Royal Blue or coffee shop Aus or whatever exist for people who want them, but I am out for blood ahaha

I have a happy, boring, domestic gay life, i do not need to imagine what a life where your biggest argument is about the quantity and variety of fucking breakfast cereal (We have EIGHT. BOXES.)

[anonymous-dentist]

Quite frankly some of y’all are getting too parasocial again, especially with the ‘LGBTQSMP’ stuff. By y’all, I mean the fandom at large, but don’t think I haven’t seen some weird stuff on here too.

Last night on Quackity’s stream, one of the first donos called him a “fruit loop”. And like okay, whatever, that’s bad, but then I managed to find the dono’s twitter literally by accident going through my twitter feed and here’s their reason why they did it:

And that’s really fucking weird! You all see why this is weird, right? And all of the replies to the clip of the dono I found (where I found this person) were all in agreement that this was a funny and totally normal thing to do. But, as I’m sure everyone is aware, this is not, in fact, normal. It’s parasocial as fuck, and it’s weird at best and harassment at worst.

Donation etiquette posts are something that go around the fandom every couple of days, and for good reason. Some people are too goddamn parasocial. You don’t know these people, and they don’t know you. It’s like if you walk up to the cashier at McDonalds and call them a “fruit loop” because you saw her talking to another girl earlier. That’s fucked up. At best, it’s fucking weird to do. At worst, it’s outing/harassment. (Not that I think Quackity is queer or anything, that’s none of my business, and it’s not anyone else’s.)

I’ve seen some weird stuff on Twitter recently. Truthing, really, and that’s something parts of this fandom have struggled with for a really long time. But take this tweet by the same person as above as an example:

There’s a difference between jokes about “haha the qsmp is just a gay dating show and jaiden”, but some people are taking that way too literally. I’ve seen truthing on both the English side and Spanish side of the community recently, and you know that I’m not searching it out for the sake of drama because I don’t speak Spanish. I’ve seen multiple Spanish accounts on Twitter telling people to stop being weird in chat because it’s gotten to the point there that the mods are getting involved (I was watching Roier’s stream last night, and I’m pretty sure I saw this myself in chat.)

Jokes are fine. Fandom jokes are fine. But that’s where the jokes should stay- in the fandom. Yes, Quackity made a joke on day one stumbling over his words and “accidentally” calling everyone his boyfriends. Yes, the Spanish creators are a lot more chill with shipping content than the English ones. That doesn’t mean anything irl. Calling it the first bisexual smp is fine as a fandom joke, but people seem to be considering it truth when, as far as I’m aware, there’s only one actual bisexual on the server, and there’s, I believe, only two LGBTQ+ members. While the default shouldn’t be straight, it isn’t cool to just assume people’s identities, and especially not from what they do in minecraft roleplay. That’s called acting, not real life.

Truthing is dangerous. Anyone older than 16 probably remembers the way Markiplier and Jacksepticeye stopped interacting online entirely, and it’s because truthing and shipping actively damaged their friendship. Dan and Phil struggled with this, too, with them actually being gay but being unable to come out until years after they were popular because of all the truthing going on with them.

It’s dangerous! It’s weird as hell! Not everyone is dnf. Even if their boundaries don’t mention it specifically, it should be common sense not to openly speculate on a cc’s sexuality. It should be even more common sense not to call them a literal slur in their text-to-speech donos because you think it’s “telling the truth”. For a straight person, it’s just uncomfortable. For a queer person not out, it could be dangerous.

As a whole, the fandom has been behaving. We’re just under a week in as of today when I’m writing this, so I guess we’ll have to see what happens next. But please remember to be normal. These people aren’t your friends. You don’t know them. You barely even know their characters right now. So calm down and touch some grass before someone actually gets hurt.

[queer-reader-07]

op could you elaborate on the she/her muriel thing. because i totally get what you mean but i find it so hard to articulate why... its just like. mmmmm. canon they/them character. but you wont respect their prns. but then again i enjoy when people get genderwierd w the ineffable spouses. would you respect my prns if you cant even respect a fictional character. is that the same thing. idk.

hi anon! i'll try best to elaborate, but apologies in advance if it comes off a bit... intense?

to give some context to my words:

i am nonbinary

i am afab

my pronouns are they/them

most everyone with the exception of close friends and people on the internet misgender me with she/her pronouns because they perceive me as a woman.

i think the root of it for me is that muriel has no experience interacting with earth, let alone humans, before they're sent down to be Inspector Constable. and because they have no experience with humans, they most definitely have very little context for the human construct that is gender. muriel's pronouns are they/them because those are the default gender neutral pronouns in english. muriel (like the other angels and demons) is referred to with they/them pronouns because, for all intents and purposes, they don't have gender.

whereas aziraphale and crowley (and even gabriel to a certain extent) have interfaced with humanity enough to have developed some level of understanding regarding gender, and possibly even an understanding of what they want their gender to be/be perceived as.

additionally, crowley and aziraphale play with gender in a way that feels very intentional to me.

crowley has canonically, in the show, presented femme. meta writers far more skilled than me have examined how, during the crucifixion scene, crowley is very obviously dressed more like the women in the background than the men. and it's not just in the historical flashbacks that we see crowley's genderfuckery. his modern look is comprised of a combination of femme and masc pieces. he wears a woman's cut waistcoat and his "11 years ago" look features women's sunglasses. all while inhabiting a decidedly man-shaped body.

i'm also just going to remind the audience that crowley outright denies being "a lad" in season 2. he straight up told us he's not A Dude.

aziraphale's genderfuckery is definitely less obvious and some might say debatable. that being said, i would make the argument that aziraphale's tendency to dress and present in a way that results in him being almost universally perceived as not only A Gay Man, but an effeminate gay man at that, is a quintessential example of gender as performance. and i do believe that aziraphale is making a very conscious and deliberate choice to present as a gay man. for fuck's sake he calls himself THE Southern Pansy, he knows what he's doing.

also, i know it didn't actually happen, but we almost got both of them presenting femme in the 60s so like. there's that too.

so, to me, it's ok to fuck around with crowley and aziraphale's genders in fanfic and art and the like because they do so canonically. the book makes it very clear that they are "man-shaped" but not necessarily men, ie they have chosen bodies that are perceived as being A Gender but that doesn't mean they technically are.

whereas muriel does not. muriel doesn't have a concept of gender because they haven't been on earth or around humans long enough to develop one. they are only ever referred to with gender neutral language. so it just feels really gross to me when people choose to she/her them. because to me it feels like saying "well this body that appears woman-shaped to me must mean they are a woman" which is a sentiment i, unfortunately, know all too well.

muriel is a character that is canonically referred to with they/them pronouns, on a major TV show on a major streaming platform no less. so it really fucking sucks to see people disregard that because they "can't remember to they/them muriel" or because they "seem like they use she/her."

to put it bluntly, every single argument i've ever read in favor of she/her-ing muriel has boiled down to "i just can't be bothered to remember they use they/them" and if you can't use a fictional characters pronouns correctly then i have zero faith you can use a real person's pronouns correctly. all i hear when i read those arguments is "i can't be fucked to do the bare minimum of gendering trans people correctly."

and lastly, i know it's genderfuckery when people she/her aziraphale and crowley because they're "man shaped" in the book and played by male actors in the show. but i don't have much faith that it's genderfuckery when people she/her muriel because i can almost guarentee it happens for no other reason than the fact that Quelin Sepulveda is a woman.

[yuri-for-businesswomen]

usamericans are asleep time to post unpopular opinions.

personally i dont think that the usa or any european country are more or less progressive or have more or less issues with social inequalities, they just take on slightly different forms. thats not what i want to talk about.

what bothers me personally with usamericans is that most, even the „progressive“ ones, dont seem to reflect their own hegemonial thinking. even the ones who are into social justice dont critically analyse how being socialised in the usa as an usamerican is impacting their thinking and actions, it seems to only be allowed from a perspective of race but not nationality. and i think this is an issue because the us are the most powerful country in the world and do teach its citizens certain self-perception to cement its power. for example, i feel like usamericans never know when to shut up. many seem to think that their input is not only valuable but wanted when often it really isnt. so many act like theyre the main character, even towards each other. many usamericans dont even think about the grip their culture has on other countries but there is no reverse, its a one-way street. i think this is an issue with english first language speakers in general but especially with the us since australia is isolated and the uk is also an island with a more peculiar than palatable culture, there is no australian or british hollywood which exports usamerican thinking on a mass scale, for example. usamericans dont even realise how many of their conceptualisations are usamerican and cant and shouldnt be applied or expected from others. how many sociocultural controversies start in the us and swap over to other countries, specifically liberal ones. etc. a lot of usamericans seem to have a heightened sense of self-importance and i think its because the us acts like its the default and everyone else is different. which is partly true seeing as trump for example was a blueprint for rightwingers all over the globe. and this seems to impact the way usamericans see themselves, no matter where on the political spectrum. so much is catering to you, so many of your ideas and words are adapted by others, so there must be something special about you. and even usamericans who are critical of the usa often fail to acknowledge this, or they would hold themselves differently in conversation and debate.

nationalism is an issue in every country but this kind of hegemony is specifically usamerican.

[zikariogirl]

‘ 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲𝐝𝐨𝐥𝐥 ‘ — 𝐣𝐚𝐧𝐠 𝐡𝐚𝐧-𝐬𝐞𝐨𝐤

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞, 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐓𝐖𝐎, 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐞,

𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐠: ‘𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲𝐝𝐨𝐥𝐥’ 𝐛𝐲 𝐚𝐫𝐢 𝐚𝐛𝐝𝐮𝐥

summary ┆ working at wusang was a dream come true for you. you had great friendships there and even began to develop feelings for a certain intern. but things started to change — big reveals left you shocked, and instead of running away you felt yourself become more captivated by him. . . and he seems to notice you as well. nothing in this world really matters to jang han-seok, but you? he will burn the whole world for you.

key: bold = english

warnings┆swearing, violence, the usual crazy things involving han-seok

You were inside the bathroom, trying to control your breathing and calming yourself down before you had to face Joon-woo.

Or actually — Jang Han-seok. Joon-woo was never his name.

You looked like a mess as you examined yourself in the mirror. You were crying for the past ten minutes and could not stop. Your make up was ruined and your eyes were starting to get puffy, your hair was also disheveled from all the times you were running your hands through it. This definitely felt worse compared to when Han-seok was talking to you about his crush.

The sound of the door opening made you whirl your head, your eyes landing on Ms. Choi who seemed unimpressed when she checked you over. “Are you done sulking?”

You wiped the tears away with a paper towel, feeling embarrassed that she caught you like this. “Just five more minutes.”

You knew she wanted to say a snarky comment, but for some odd reason, she held back. She had a look of displeasure — making it well known that she would much rather do something else than babysit you in a bathroom. You expected her to leave but much to your surprise she stayed, and you wondered why. A part of you wonders if Han-seok sent her to check up on you, but the other half doubts he even cares anymore.

Once you successfully collected yourself and fixed your look, you followed Ms. Choi out of the bathroom, the unsettling feeling of dread making its return to you. Han-seok was standing by Mr. Han and the ex-Chairman, Han-seo, while speaking about a situation, but the moment his eyes landed on you he was quick to shut up and order everyone to leave.

Oh god you did not want to be left alone with him.

“Why did you walk out like that?” He frowned while reaching for your hand, but you instantly flinched away, making his frown deepen. “What’s going on?”

“You’re really asking me that? After what just happened back in the conference room?”

He genuinely seemed surprised. “Wait, did that upset you? Really?”

“You’re ridiculous,” you let out a dry laugh as you shook your head. “I don’t know what to say or where to begin. Was any of it even real to you? Our friendship? The great times we had working together and going out as friends? Did any of that matter to you?”

“Of course it mattered, and it still will,” he was quick to answer, a serious expression falling on his features. “______, just because I’m Han-seok and not Joon-woo does not mean I don’t care about you. You’re still really important to me.”

“You don’t have to lie to me okay? It’s fine if you don–”

“I’m not lying to you,” he was quick to interrupt you before he pulled you in for a hug. “You mean a lot to me. I’m sorry if it feels like I was leading you on by lying about my identity. I had to keep it a secret. Mr. Han and Ms. Choi had to find out by default because they’re working with me, but you? I wanted you to know as well. I didn’t want to hide it forever.

“And Mr. Han was pissing me off lately too, especially when he fucking disrespected you. He wouldn’t listen to me as Joon-woo, but now? I have power over him. No one, especially him, will ever disrespect you again. I hate watching people treat you like shit, it pisses me off.”

You swallowed at his words and sudden protectiveness, not even knowing where to begin. You were for sure not going to bring up the possibility of him liking you since you had zero courage to do so. His words sounded genuine, and it also fell down to the question of, what will he achieve if he continued to lie to you? It’s not like you’re someone important within the business.

Unless… he wants you to grab intel on the Jipuragi Law Firm since you tend to hang around there sometimes.

At the thought of that, you simply pushed him away and held your head low. “Give me time to process this.”

“_____–”

“Please… Han-seok.” The name felt so foreign to your tongue.

He let out a sigh. “Fine, but at least let me drive you home.”

And you let him, but the drive was only full of silence. Neither of you said a word and all you could do was stare out the window, not even bothering to look in his direction. He did try to talk to you at times but you never answered him, so eventually, he gave up and left you alone. The moment he pulled up in front of your apartment, you quickly rushed out of his car without looking back or saying goodbye.

You just needed time, and that’s what you gave yourself.

You didn’t want to lay off work but when Mr. Han offered to magically give you some vacation time, you didn’t hesitate in accepting it. You also distanced yourself from Cha-young since a part of you felt a bit guilty not telling her about Han-seok. But you also didn’t tell Han-seok that Cha-young and Vincenzo were on to him, so in the end, it was a win-win situation for both parties.

You did some self-healing for two weeks — ignoring texts and phone calls and only checking your phone every once a while. You were currently watching a documentary in your living room while wearing sweats and a sports bra when the sound of a knock made you freeze. Who the hell is visiting you? You wrapped your blanket around your body and ran towards the door, slowly opening it.

“Are you okay?!” Cha-young wasted no time in storming in and cupping your face. “I know you said you needed distance but you’ve been acting weird. What happened? I know something must’ve happened. Wait, was it Joon-woo? What did he do now?!”

Your heart fell at the mention of him. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

You were thankful she didn’t push, instead, she pulled out a pint of your favorite ice cream from a grocery bag you didn’t realize she was carrying. “Ice cream and chill?”

“Oh my god I love you.”

It was refreshing having her around again, and maybe that’s all you needed this whole time. Some quality time with a good friend to get your mind off of things. You two continued to watch the show while eating your ice cream and Cha-young decided to order take-out as well, making you ten times happier. There was a knock on the door and you immediately stood up — hungry for some food — but your eyes widened when they fell on Han-seok’s figure.

“Hey I just–”

SLAM.

Where was your blanket at? You frantically searched for it while Cha-young stood up with a confused expression on her face. The moment she opened the door and completely ignored your protests, you simply wanted to die since you were still not covered up.

“Oh! Cha-young, hi!” Han-seok waved at her with a smile before moving his eyes towards your direction. It’s like he finally took in your appearance of wearing sweats and a sports bra and he immediately turned around, apologizing profusely. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I am sorry.”

“Hold up!” You screamed and felt relief when you spotted your blanket and didn’t hesitate in wrapping it around your upper body. “Okay, you can come in.”

Han-seok nodded his head and began to step backwards into your apartment, but was stopped by Cha-young as she grabbed his collar and pulled him towards her. “Why are you here? HM?”

He blinked at her. “I was worried about _____ and wanted to see if she wanted some gimbap,” he explained while holding up a bag.

You do love some gimbap.

Cha-young continued to inspect him. “Why didn’t you check up on her earlier?”

“Because she wanted to be left alone.”

“So what? What if she needed help?”

“And where were you as well?”

Cha-young squinted her eyes at him while scrunching her nose. “Fair point,” she let him go before checking her watch when it pinged. “That stupid Vincenzo,” she quietly mumbled and hurriedly grabbed all of her belongings. “I have to go, I’m sorry. You and Joon-woo can enjoy the take-out. Bye!”

And with that she was gone. Han-seok turned to look at you as he placed the gimbap down. “Why was she here?”

His question made you feel defensive. “She came to cheer me up, same thing you’re doing right now.”

He only hummed in response as he plopped himself down on your couch. “Have you been okay?”

You didn’t answer him. You didn’t want him knowing that being apart from him has slowly been eating you alive, but you also wanted the feeling of satisfaction of seeing Han-seok’s reaction to you actually doing fine. But yet, you were quiet and unmoving, standing in the middle of the room as you began to space out. You heard him stand up and instead of walking away from him, you continued to stay in place while he placed his hands on your arms.

“Are you okay?”

“No.”

You didn’t mean to answer so quick, but you once again felt vulnerable under his gaze and presence. His features showed concern and a bit of sadness as he overlooked you quickly before letting out a deep sigh.

“Do you still think I don’t care about you?”

You didn’t respond, which lead to him tilting your chin up to look at him. “There’s only one person in this world that I truly care about, and it’s you. Your friendship means everything to me. You’ve been nothing but nice to me, even when the rest of the world treated me like shit as Joon-woo. You were so kind, caring, and always had my back. I know I lied about who I was and I’m sorry,” he grabbed your hands and gave them a light squeeze. “Just please, if you can’t forgive me now, then let me prove it to you. Let me show you that you are my number one favorite person.”

You were still feeling hesitant in trusting him, and all you could do was squint your eyes. “I hope you know I’m not going to serve as some spy for you and grab intel from the Jipuragi Law Firm.”

He chuckled. “I didn’t expect you to.”

You thought over his words, and the logical side of you was trying to warn you that trusting him was a bad idea. He was not a good person — seeing how Babel has Wusang covering up their illegal schemes. You should’ve turned around and cut off all communication with him, but the look he was giving you and the way he held onto your hands made you second guess yourself. Should you take the risk? Maybe he’s genuine and does care for you.

Either way, you decided to see where your friendship would lead to as you forgave him; something that made his face brighten with excitement.

And you did not regret it.

Because next thing you knew, you were back to working as his personal assistant. Although Han-seok displayed the same characteristics as his former persona, Joon-woo, he also held a more authoritative tone now — which was extremely attractive. Of course he only acted like that with the small group that knew of his real identity. He was still Lawyer Jang Joon-woo to the public but Chairman Jang Han-seok to you, Mr. Han, and Ms. Choi.

The two of you began to hang out more frequently, whether it was at his apartment or in public. It felt more… genuine now. Han-seok was more open towards you and it felt like something shifted between you two — unless if you were imagining it. As the days passed by, you both grew closer and closer, but you also noticed that you’ve been growing a bit distant with Cha-young as well. It fell on you both. She was busy getting as much information as she could with her case against Babel while you were too indulged in assisting Han-seok and growing more closer to him. The thought of losing Cha-young left a small pang in your chest.

And it was definitely going to hurt seeing her again today in court.

Today was the re-trial and you sat next to Mr. Han while Han-seok and Ms. Choi handled the case. Much to everyone’s surprise, Vincenzo showed up as a surprise witness, but what really settled the case was the fiasco between Director Gil and his wife. It was something straight out of a drama, and you watched in shock — your mouth hanging open — as the chaos unfolded in front of you.

You caught sight of Cha-young and she shot you a thumbs up, but all you could do was stare at her with wide eyes, especially when you felt Han-seok’s gaze on you.

After that horrific loss of a trial, you followed Han-seok outside with Mr. Han and Ms. Choi. His jaw was clenched and you could tell he was livid by the expression on his face as he hopped inside the driver’s seat.

“Get in.”

He didn’t have to repeat himself as the three of you scurried inside the car, with you riding shot gun. The moment Mr. Han shut the car door, Han-seok drove off at a high rate of speed, making your eyes widen in fear when you took notice of him going faster. He was swerving through cars without a care as he gripped the steering wheel.

“Do you know how much Babel will lose today?” He questioned your two superiors in the back. “Seven hundred-sixty million dollars! AH!”

His screaming made you flinch and your body began to shake as you tightly clutched onto the seatbelt.

“I’m already past two-hundred kilometers per hour. Should we jump over there to see what happens?”

“P-Please don’t.”

But Han-seok brushed off Mr. Han as he swerved the car again, causing all of you to move to the right.

“H-Han-seok please slow down,” you begged while you shut your eyes in fear. Thankfully, he seemed to have listened since you felt the car slow down just a tad bit, but he was still driving pretty recklessly and fast. You kept your eyes shut for the rest of the drive, not bothering to open them, but when you felt the car jerk a certain way before coming to a stop, you slowly opened them.

Confusion filled you when you realized you were no longer in the city but in what appears to be an industrial dirt field. You heard the sound of one of the doors in the back opening but Han-seok’s sudden loud voice made you jump.

“Stay! In! The car!”

“Uh uh, stay stay! Okay okay, I got it,” Hr. Han quickly closed the door behind him.

Han-seok turned to look at you with an evil look in his eyes. “Get out.”

You didn’t even want to question him as you hurriedly scampered out of the car and followed him back to the trunk.

“Boss? Boss?” Mr. Han called out as he rolled down the window. “Uhh, I will do my best, okay?”

The moment Han-seok pulled out a golf club, your eyes widened as you placed a hand on his arm. “No wait, what are you doing?”

“You’ll see.”

He brushed you off as he began to walk towards the car, when he suddenly began to hit the front windshield with so much force. You hid behind the car out of fear, not wanting to get in the way or possibly piss him off more. When he was done, he tossed the club away and opened the door from Mr. Han’s side.

“Get out.”

You didn’t know what to think. This was a whole new side of him you’ve never seen. Sure he’s become a little hostile and bossy since you found out about his true identity, but this? This was on a whole other crazy level.

“Am I dreaming? I’ve never lost twice in a row in my life. Ever,” he scoffed before turning around to face all of you. “This isn’t real. What is this, huh?”

Mr. Han was the first to respond. “Well it’s, um, well I’m… I’m so sorry. Um, it never occurred to me that they would bring Director Gil’s wife to testify against him. It’s never happened.”

“I underestimated them,” Ms. Choi was quick to interrupt, “and that gave them the element of surprise.”

“You would have been able to figure it out, if your methods weren’t so old-fashioned,” he glared at her while tossing the gloves at her chest. “You guys have zero creativity. It’s depressing. It really is.”

“We know,” Mr. Han agreed.

“It needs to change.”

“Yes,” he was quick to respond again. “Uh, I’ll put up a new committee in charge of creativity together.”

All Han-seok could do was chuckle at his words. “Are you kidding me? Creativity is something you’re born with and that bastard Cassano has too much of it!”

“About him, do you have any information about Mr. Cassano?” Ms. Choi questioned.

“He has a spotless record,” you spoke out without thinking, causing the three of them to look in your direction. “Too spotless for me in my opinion.”

Why are you talking? Shut up!

“Why do you say that?” Han-seok questioned.

All of their eyes on you was making you a bit nervous, and all you could do in response was shrug and look away, not wanting to put more input in the situation. You tuned out the group for a bit as they continued to discuss a solution but your thoughts were interrupted when Han-seok asked you to call for two cars: one for the two of you and one for Ms. Choi and Mr. Han.

They both apologized for the final time before getting inside one of the cars, and your eyes followed Han-seok as he opened up the passenger door for you.

“Are you going to drive like a maniac?” You questioned.

He sighed. “I had a long day. I’m not in the mood for this. Please get in.”

You did as he asked, not wanting to upset him any more than he already is. You were still a bit shocked at his sudden outburst from earlier, which made you avoid any form of eye contact when he got inside the car and began to drive off.

“I was thinking we could pick up something to eat and head back to my place. Sound okay?”

You silently nodded in response while keeping your gaze on the window, praying that he wouldn’t press on the gas like he did earlier. Han-seok, though, took notice of your silence and he was very much aware why you were acting like that, he wasn’t an idiot. Talking to you won’t do, so instead, he held your hand. The action caught you by surprise and you turned to look in his direction, but he seemed too focused on the road. It was a small but sweet gesture, something that told you he truly means no harm — to you at least. You squeezed his hand in return and remained quiet for the rest of the ride, only speaking when it came down to grabbing your order.

The two of you made it to his apartment in no time and just before you could sit down to eat, you felt him twirl you around so you could face him.

“I’m sorry,” he immediately apologized. “For being all manic like that. I can’t control my temper at times and you’re the last person who I want to put in harms way. If you’re afraid that I’ll hurt you… god I won’t. I could never do that.” He pulled you in for a hug as he held you close and buried his face in your neck. “I’m sorry babydoll.”

There was that nickname again. The same nickname that sends your heart into a frenzy.

You wrapped your arms around his neck while closing your eyes. “It’s fine… I can get used to it but your sudden outburst just caught me off guard.”

“Are you afraid of me?”

Were you afraid of him? Maybe a little. The rational side of you is telling you to run away and never look back, but your heart? Its telling you to stay. He may act vile towards his subordinates and brother, but he shows a more caring side to you. He’s never raised his voice at you once. He hasn’t bossed you around or demanded your assistance in anything. He’s been pretty calm and sweet, something you doubt anyone else has seen.

So the question stands again, are you afraid of him?

“No, I’m not,” you softly responded, and you could’ve sworn you felt him let out a deep sigh of relief. He pulled back just a bit so he could see you, and his eyes were fixated on your face for a good while. Neither of you dared to move, and without realizing, you both were slowly leaning in for a kiss.

Until his phone began to ring.

“Motherfucker,” his voice was low and dangerous as he hesitantly pulled away. “Let me take this.”

You watched him disappear into another room to take the call, but you were still trying to process what just happened. If it wasn’t for that phone call… you would’ve kissed. Your lips on his, his lips on yours. Kissing him. You were going to kiss Han-seok.

Cue your small inner celebratory dance.

Out of sheer coincidence, you felt your phone ping at an incoming text.

‘We’re going out for drinks tonight! Pleaseeee say you’ll come with us.’ You read Cha-young’s text, a small feeling of guilt overcoming you when you replied back, declining her offer. She was your best friend. The two of you were like sisters. You felt like a horrible person for choosing Han-seok over her, but at the same time, the selfishness within you told you that it’s okay. This is by far the closest you’ve gotten with Han-seok, and your almost kiss replayed once again in your head. Your cheeks were beginning to hurt from all the smiling you were doing, but you couldn’t help it.

Not wanting to leave Cha-young hanging without an explanation, you texted her and explained that Han-seok wanted to have a movie night. She understood, but demanded that next time she wants to do something, she has dibs on you. You couldn’t help but chuckle at her comment.

You felt your body jolt in surprise as you nearly dropped your phone when a pair of arms hugged you from behind.

“What’s so funny?” Han-seok’s breath fanned your ear.

He’s so close. Your heart was hammering inside your chest at your close proximity, and the way he was holding you was sending your mind in a haywire.

You quickly composed yourself as you tried not to stutter when you spoke. “Nothing really, just Cha-young wanting to hang out.”

He hummed at your response before pulling away. “Well, if you want to hang out with her, go ahead. I actually have to meet with my brother to talk about something.”

Your shoulders sagged in defeat when he walked away. Every time you feel like you two are heading somewhere, there’s always some type of barrier that puts itself between you both. You couldn’t help but feel frustrated at him. You turned Cha-young, your best friend, away to spend time with him but he wouldn’t do the same for you?

Not that he’s obligated to; he’s not even your boyfriend.

Its like Han-seok sensed that you were upset, because one moment he was across the room and then the next he was standing by your side, his hands rubbing your shoulders as he softly smiled at you. “We’ll get to hang out next time, I promise okay?” He didn’t even give you a chance to reply before you felt his lips press themselves against your temple.

It wasn’t a big kiss, nor was it mouth to mouth, but that small little gesture almost made your knees buckle completely.

—

“And then, he kissed me.”

“What?!”

Okay, that was an over exaggeration. “No! Okay… he did kiss me but he left a small kiss against my head.”

You were currently out for drinks with the Jipuragi Law Firm gang, who drank and talked with you about your very complicated relationship with Han-seok — or Joon-woo. You, of course, left out the crucial details of him being the true mastermind behind Babel, but also made sure to include every little interaction that would serve as proof that maybe there was something going on between you and Han-seok.

“That’s still something! And you’re saying that moron hasn’t asked you out yet?” Cha-young tossed her napkin against the table with a frown. “Ahh, I swear I’m going to kill him.”

“In my years of dating, since you know I’m very popular…” Mr. Nam proceeded to shoot a wink and flick his hair to the side, “…the guys are supposed to make the first move, and then…WAH!”

Both you and Cha-young flinched.

“You jump into action and conquer the woman you desire.”

“But what if he wants to take things slow?” You questioned.

“Then he’s a poor excuse of a man,” he replied with a pitiful look.

You rubbed your face in frustration, not enjoying the advice that Mr. Nam was giving. Your face felt a bit warm from all the drinking you’ve been doing and you were beginning to feel a bit tipsy, but still sober enough to remember this entire conversation. Before you knew it, you turned your body to face Vincenzo, who was doing everything in his will to avoid the three of you.

“Vincenzo, can I ask you something?”

“No.”

“Great,” you slapped your hands together while tilting your head. “Let’s say Cha-young kisses your head.”

Cue him choking on his drink.

“What would you think the kiss meant?”

He placed his bottle down while turning to look at you. “I would think she’s insane.”

Cha-young scoffed. “Don’t get ahead of yourself. I would never kiss you.”

“This is just an example!” You closed your eyes and held your hands up, silencing them both rather quickly. “What would you think the kiss meant?”

Vincenzo shifted uncomfortably in his seat as he avoided eye contact with you. “I don’t know. I’m not good at reading people when it comes to relationships.”

You call bullshit. This man was not ugly at all and you could’ve sworn he’s had his fair share of relationships with a lot of women. He seems like the type to just date for fun, and then move on to the next girl that’s in line. Unless…

“Wait,” you slightly leaned in. “Have you ever been in a relationship?”

The poor man looked so offended as he sat up. “Of course I have! I’ve been in… a lot of relationships.”

“Oh. My. God,” both you and Cha-young said in unison. The poor man had zero time to react as you jumped out of your seat and hugged him while cradling his head.

“You sad soul. You’ve never dated. You haven’t had the time to blossom into a flower.”

“What are you—”

“Ha! I knew it!” Cha-young laughed as she held a victorious smirk on her face. “You’re a sad, sad man.”

Mr. Nam looked hesitant on what to say, so instead he continued to drink, but you and Cha-young were cherishing this moment together in teasing the fearless Italian lawyer — who was attempting to get out of your hold. You continued to rock back and forth while questioning the hell out of him that you didn’t even notice the presence behind you.

“What’s happening here?”

Han-seok’s voice made you freeze, giving Vincenzo the opportunity to break free from your hold. He shot you a glare and went around the table to sit next to Mr. Nam, who was watching intently. Cha-young was the first to speak as she stood up and pointed a finger at Han-seok.

“You!” She twirled her finger while squinting her eyes.

“Me?” Han-seok pointed at himself with wide eyes. “Why do you look angry boss woman?”

Oh god Cha-young please don’t say anything.

“Because you’re insufferable… for said reasons,” Cha-young saw your pleading look, making you feel thankful that she didn’t spill anything to him. “But why are you here?”

“Oh, I’m here to pick up _______.”

“You are?” You turned to look at him with confusion. Wasn’t he supposed to be having a special meeting with Han-seo? He’s the one that told you to hang out with Cha-young since he was going to be busy, but now he’s available?

Cha-young shook her head as she grabbed your arm and pulled you towards her. “Sorry Joon-woo, but she’s ours for the night.”

Joon-woo. It was so weird hearing someone call him that again. You’ve gotten so used to his real name that Joon-woo feels like it’s someone from the past.

“Ahh, no,” he chuckled with a grin as he grabbed your hand and pulled you towards him. “We originally had a movie night planned.”

“Hm yes but,” Cha-young pulled you back towards her. “You cancelled, so she came here.”

“Plans change.” He pulled you back.

“Too bad, so sad.” Pull.

“Why are you so mean to me?” Pull. “You already drank with her.”

“What are your intentions with her?” Mr. Nam interrupted from the back as he slurred through his words.

Oh no, he’s drunk.

“Are you the ‘let’s sleep together and forget about it’ type of guy or the ‘I’ll do anything for you’ kind of guy.”

“What?” Han-seok’s eyes slightly widened as your face flushed in embarrassment. Vincenzo slowly turned his body away as he took a sip from his bottle while Cha-young look mortified at her colleague’s words.

“Sheee’s a wonderful woman,” Mr. Nam pointed at you with a grin. “A very special one. I know because in my experience–”

“Shut up, you don’t have any experience,” you hissed out, but it was useless since he continued to speak.

“–from dating multiple women, the nice ones like her are the ones you hold on to.”

“Hm, really?” Han-seok hummed.

“Yesss,” Mr. Nam pursed his lips. “Now make sure to always use protection–”

You quickly broke free from Cha-young’s hold and grabbed a rag from a nearby table, hurling it towards Mr. Nam who only groaned in response when it smacked him right in the face. This was beyond embarrassing and you prayed that the earth would somehow swallow you up and take you away from everyone.

After clearing your throat and shooting the group an embarrassing smile, you pulled out a few bucks and placed it on the table. “These are for my drinks. Thank you for inviting me.”

“No,” Cha-young whined with a pout. “Don’t leave me with them.”

“Oh, you can come with us. Remember, we’re the three besties,” Han-seok smiled down at her while placing a finger against his cheek.

It was so odd seeing him act like… this. Like Joon-woo. Now that you know the truth behind his identity, it’s shocking to witness how quick he is in changing his persona back to the silly intern. He’s such a good actor.

Instead of taking him in on his offer, Cha-young frowned with a pout. “On second thought, I’m staying.”

But her eyes told you enough: she was doing this for you. You mouthed a ‘thank you’ to her and said goodbye to Vincenzo and Mr. Nam — who was crying on the Italian lawyer’s shoulder. After getting inside the SUV and driving off, you sat there in absolute silence, not knowing what to say. You felt both awkward and embarrassed as you pondered over the fact that Han-seok heard all of that come out of Mr. Nam’s mouth.

His silence spoke a lot as well, and that scared you.

“Are you okay?” You decided to speak up since you couldn’t bear another second of the quiet atmosphere.

Instead of replying, he turned into an empty parking lot that overlooked a pond. He reached to unbuckle his seatbelt before glancing over in your direction. “Come on.”

You were a bit confused but didn’t question him as you proceeded to follow him out of the truck. His eyes were trained on the body of water that sat a couple of yards away from you. “I want you to be honest with me.”

Your hands felt sweaty as you anticipated the question that he was about to hurl at you. His whole demeanor changed, and it’s almost similar to how he acts whenever he’s with Ms. Choi and Mr. Han — impassive and dangerous — but there was something else resting on his features that you couldn’t quite put a finger on it.

“How long have you liked me?”

You felt your breathing hitch at his question, not knowing how to respond. Even though you both have been subtly getting closer and almost kissed as well, neither of you were verbally open about your feelings towards each other. You’re not good with words, especially if it involves you confessing your feelings to someone you like. Maybe it’s the fact that rejection is still a possibility in your end, but you’d much rather show him than say anything.

“I… I don’t–”

“I never thought I would feel such a disgusting emotion like love.” He cut you off and was still avoiding eye contact with you. “The moment I first met you… I have no idea but something about you drew me in. You were a nobody, just an outcast to everyone at Wusang. But,” he raised a finger in the air before turning to point at you, “you weren’t an outcast in my eyes.

You remained silent as he continued to speak.

“You looked so pretty everyday, and every day that passed by I would grow excited to see you. There was this one time where I remember feeling so pathetic for liking you because it was a sign of weakness. I told myself to stop being weak and ignore you, but the next day I found out from Cha-young that one of our worthless lawyers made you cry.”

“Lawyer Kim,” you whispered.

“Yes, Lawyer Kim. Ahh, I wanted to kill him for making you cry, but then I heard he apologized to you and bought you coffee. That still wasn’t enough so I had him fired.”

His words left you stunned. You vividly remember everyone questioning what happened to Lawyer Kim, and most of you assumed that he simply quit. But Han-seok fired him because he made you cry?

“I personally still think I should’ve killed him. Making a big fuss over cold coffee? Such a pathetic excuse of a human being. After that day, I realized that I was absolutely screwed because I was crushing on you hard. I vowed to hurt anyone else who dares to make you cry.”

Your heart started to pound as he took a step closer to you. His eyes met your own with such intensity.

“Y-You don’t have to do that. I can take care of myself.”

“As long as you have me, you don’t have to, babydoll.”

His arm snaked around your waist as he pulled your body towards him, and his other hand came up to tilt your chin. His thumb gently grazed your lower lip, making you feel the tension in your body, but also demanding for more.

“You’re so beautiful,” the roughness in his voice just about sent you over the edge, because without thinking, you cupped his face with both hands and pulled him down towards you, connecting your lips in a desperate kiss.

He responded almost instantly — sharing the same amount of want and need. It didn’t matter if he was a psychopath who’s in charge of a corrupted company or knowing that he was his own type of evil. As fucked up as it was, you were head over heels for him. It was a sick and twisted type of love; something you simply didn’t care for. You had every right to desire this, to experience what it’s like to be in love with someone, to have that person be your own purpose. In all of your years, you’ve never felt this type of happiness, and it is something you don’t plan to let go — ever. Being with Han-seok was not going to be easy, and him having a target on his head means that sooner or later, you will as well. That is something you’ve come to accept, because no one will ever separate you from him.

You won’t allow it.

No one else in this entire world will make you happy like he does. No one else will burn the entire world for you, but deep down, you know Han-seok will, and you’ll do the same just for him.

You breathlessly pulled away, your noses still touching as your lips continued to graze each other from the close proximity. Neither of you dared to let the other go. Upon looking up into his eyes, they were darkened with desire, and he gave you zero time to react as he pulled you in for another deep, passionate kiss.

Ever since then, Han-seok refuses to let you out of his sight. You were already following him around in the first place, since you were his “assistant”, but now he makes sure to bring you everywhere. It’s mostly due with the fact that it gives you both some privacy, so you’re able to sneak a few make out sessions away from the group — not that Han-seok cared at all — but you weren’t too comfortable sharing some PDA in front of your superiors.

You’ve also been helping him de-stress from this whole situation regarding Babel and the Jipuragi Law Firm. The whole situation has been growing more problematic and frustrating for everyone involved, especially after the catastrophic incident involving Shinkwang Bank and Cha-young’s speech in front of the reporters, causing two major banks to turn their heads away in helping invest Babel.

Both you and Han-seok were currently out eating some chicken as you listened in on the meeting that was arranged with Namdongbu office. Your heart sank for Han-seo since he was being cornered by both Mr. Hwang and Mr. Seo.

“I will stay humble and do my best. I appreciate your help,” you heard Han-seo say.

“Don’t do your best. That makes me uncomfortable,” a male voice retorted back.

You angrily chewed on a fry as you continued to listen. “What’s up with these geezers? They don’t know their place,” you huffed out.

Han-seok nodded his head in agreement. “They’ll soon learn who they’re messing with.”

“They sure do run their mouth a lot for a bunch of nobodies,” you mumbled.

You heard Han-seok chuckle at your comment, amusement played in his eyes as he looked at you. “Babydoll, I love it when we see eye to eye.”

No matter how many times he calls you that, it still makes your heart skip a beat. The two of you were finishing up your meals just as the meeting with the prosecutors and Han-seo was coming to an end, but something gleamed in Han-seok’s eyes, something you couldn’t quite decipher.

“Baby?”

“Come on babydoll,” he helped you up. “We’re going to the after party.”

“After party? Shouldn’t we go and change into proper attire?”

He pecked your lips. “Nope. What we’re wearing is perfectly fine. Although, I do have to make a quick stop and grab a hockey mask and stick.”

“What for?”

“Oh, you’ll see.”

You weren’t dumb, you knew he had something up his sleeve, but you were genuinely confused on what that plan was. Throughout the whole drive, Han-seok refused to let you know what was going on, and you were beginning to grow wary when you pulled up into a container unit port.

“Um, Han-seok, what are we doing here?”

“Shh,” he hushed you while slipping on the helmet. “Just follow behind me.”

You were too afraid to even question him, so you hesitantly nodded and followed behind. The two of you made your way towards the storage container, and the closer you got, the more audible the voices inside became.

“…Seung-hyuk, untie me now! Do it now!”

“Gosh, be quiet, will you? Why are you such crybabies?”

Han-seok opened the door to the container, causing it to loudly creak, making everyone aware of his presence. He walked in like a predator ready to hunt for his prey, the hockey stick emitting a loud sound as he ran it against the container’s wall. Everyone — except for the two men tied down to the chairs — seemed shocked to see you both.

“And who the hell is this?”

It all happened so fast. In one swift movement, Han-seok swung the hockey stick, hitting Mr. Hwang straight on the side of his head. Your hands flew to your mouth as you began to shake in horror, the scream that you wanted to let out seemed to have lodged itself in your throat. Han-seok began to repeatedly hit his body, causing blood to splatter everywhere — including on you. You began to hyperventilate while your vision grew a bit blurry, and if it wasn’t for Han-seo catching you, you would’ve most likely fainted while hitting the ground.

This was something straight out of a horror movie. The prosecutor’s mangled body laid motionless, blood was spurring everywhere, and you couldn’t seem to look away. You were in shock.

You clutched the closest thing to you, which was Han-seo’s coat, as you sat on the ground — horrified — while he squatted behind you. Mr. Seo crawled towards Han-seo, his words inaudible to your ears, while your eyes focused on the dead body that laid in front of you.

“Is he dead? I guess he is,” Han-seok changed his voice to a higher pitch before walking over to Mr. Seo.

Please stop. Stop, stop, stop.

You wanted to say it, but couldn’t.

Your eyes slowly followed your crazed boyfriend, a sense of panic hitting you when he placed the hockey stick against Mr. Seo’s throat. “I won’t kill you first. Who do you think is next? Your son in Italy who is terrible at football!”

Mr. Seo frantically looked at Han-seo. “Sir! I was too arrogant! Please forgive me. I was wrong! Sir, you have my respect! I’m begging you. Please!”

You shut your eyes the moment he started to bow and hit his head against the floor, but Han-seo yelling back made you flinch and cover your ears.

You began to hiccup as your breathing quickened. You wanted to be as far away from here as possible. The smell of iron was hitting your nostrils and it took everything in you to not gag and throw up. The second you felt someone grabbing your hand, you flinched away and backed up. Your terrified eyes met with Han-seok’s dark ones, and just when he was about to reach down for you again, you smacked his hand away. That threw him off, and you gave him no chance to respond before you felt yourself standing up and making a run for it.

You didn’t get far since your body was still in shock, sending you flying down against the pavement outside. You were trembling as you cried out, trying to comprehend what just happened and why. You knew Han-seok was capable of doing terrible things, and you were an idiot for assuming that he wouldn’t go as far in getting his own hands dirty. He has no trouble sending others to do his dirty work for him, so of course he’ll take matters into his own hands if needed.

A pair of hands grabbed your shoulders and you instinctively began to swing at the person. “Don’t touch me!”

“_______ its me! Please,” Mr. Han pleaded.

He looked equally as terrified.

“Mr. Jang wants to say a few words.”

You wanted to be anywhere else but close to Han-seok right now. “Mr. Han I don’t–”

“We don’t have much of a choice. Sorry.”

He practically dragged you towards the rest of the group; but did keep a fair distance from Han-seok, who was humming a tune as he cleaned the hockey stick.

“You should have given us a heads-up,” Han-seo was the first to speak.

“Surprise!” Han-seok exclaimed in a sing-song voice, his eyes meeting yours briefly, but you were quick to look away as you hid behind Mr. Han.

“With all due respect, sir,” Mr. Han began, “this could be a huge problem later on.”

“Nothing’s a problem for me as long as I don’t feel like shit,” Han-seok replied in a dull tone before hopping off from the machine. “I’ll change things to the way it once was starting today. And I’ll show them what they’re up against.”

“I’ll do as you say, sir,” Ms. Choi was the first to speak up.

“I’ll do my best, too!” There goes your shield since Mr. Han stepped up.

You refused to look at him right now, you still felt nauseous and uneasy after what you just witnessed. Maybe you’re just being a wuss or you’re not strong enough, but seeing someone getting brutally murdered by your boyfriend is not something a lot of people tend to witness or experience. You were in a tight spot and you didn’t know where this would put you. Your feelings for Han-seok are still there, but, you were genuinely scared of him right now. What if he snaps and hurts you? What if he deems you useless and gets rid of you? So many thoughts were going through your mind right now.

Whatever small meeting you guys had was over, and you stood frozen when you took notice of everyone else departing, leaving you and Han-seok behind. He made no move towards you, instead, he tossed the hockey stick away and wiped his hands clean with a rag.

“Babydoll, I’m not going to hurt you.”

You remained silent.

He sighed and took a step towards you, but you took one back, making him clench his jaw.

“______.”

“You killed him,” your voice was barely above a whisper, but Han-seok was still able to hear you loud and clear.

“Yes baby, I do like–”

“You killed him.”

You don’t know why you were repeating yourself, but you were and couldn’t stop. The feeling of Han-seok’s hands on your face made you scream and push him away, but he held you close as he refused to let you go.

“Babydoll, stop.”

“Please don’t hurt me,” you pleaded with tears running down your cheeks.

You didn’t know, but for him, seeing you like this hurt. He felt hopeless when it came down in helping you since you were obviously not wanting any of his comfort. He knew this was going to be a shock to you, but he didn’t expect for you to shut yourself down from him. Maybe he should’ve thought this out more thoroughly, but he can’t help it at times, especially when it involves him taking matters into his own hands due to incompetent prosecutors. Hearing the whole conversation over the phone made him livid, and Han-seok felt pure joy seeing how pathetic and apologetic Mr. Seo became once he feared for his life.

You on other hand were a different story — one he has to figure out right now.

Han-seok made sure his hands were clean of blood before he tried touching you. He felt you tense underneath his touch, but was relieved when you didn’t try to push him away.

“_______, trust me when I say I will never hurt you. I will never let anything or anyone hurt you.”

You still refused to look at him, but you didn’t fight him when he pulled you in for a hug.

“Babydoll, I’m fucked up, and this isn’t my first rodeo in killing someone. Next time, I won’t make you come, so you can stay back in my apartment and wait for me to arrive. All I ask is that you won’t push me away,” he tilted your chin up as he deeply looked into your eyes, “I love you, _____.”

There it is. The three words that you’ve been waiting to hear from him for months. He loves you. This psychopath actually loves you. Looking back at all of your encounters in the past, you can understand now that he’s true about his feelings. Like the time he defended you against Mr. Han back when he was Joon-woo. When he made you get out of the car before he smashed the window aggressively as Ms. Choi and Mr. Han sat inside. When he fired Lawyer Kim for making you cry. Every little thing added up.

“Bad timing to say it, baby?”

“No,” you shook your head as you shakily reached up to rub his cheek. “I.. I..”

“Shh,” he wiped away some of your tears as he kissed your forehead. “You don’t have to say it back, babydoll. You tell me when the time is right.”

You wanted to say it so bad, but you just couldn’t. Maybe its because you’re still trying to process everything that just happened — instead — you brought his face down to meet yours in a soft kiss, the two of you embracing each other underneath the moonlight, in your blood stained clothes.