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#of never being yourself
hopefullystillliving · 10 months
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You ever get lulled into a false sense of security during the first two thirds of a kid's movie that's good with a serious plot but mostly a pretty fun time, only to have the entire final third tear your heart out, chew it up and spit it out, crush it into even finer paste beneath its heel, and add the fine powder your ribs have been turned into by the sledgehammer it whammed you with as a seasoning?
Anyway Nimona was great, 10/10 would recommend, I was crying on and off for what probably totaled 20 minutes of tears.
#hopeful rambling#nimona#cw graphic#i think that's probably the right tag for that description#anyway yes im a little late to the train but i was waiting until i could watch it with my dearest#my takeaway is that they should put a content warning on it for trans people especially bc you will feel punched in the face#that allegory sure can trans.#i think i related to it in a different way than most people#bc being genderqueer yeah nimona going im not a girl im just myself hit home but im not *trans*#so i think i actually ended up projecting onto balistar as someone who deeply loves a trans person (different ways obviously)#being told 'yes you can rejoin the society you betrayed you aren't like *her* you arent a monster everything can go back to what it was#you can be one of the good guys if you reject the freaks'#but they betrayed you first and the good guys aren't good and how things were is worse actually than saying i love you i see you im with you#to the freaks and the monsters who will accept who you are unlike the society that never will always keeping you to an impossible standard#of never being yourself#so yeah the religious/societal prejudice trauma was very felt at some points#and i grieved for nimona not because she was me but because she was my dearest and she was a friend#and she was a thousand people i will never know who decided it was better to die as yourself than be killed as someone you aren't#and didn't have a person to say im sorry. i see you.#anyway. yeah im still crying. altered my brain chemistry is mild i think it rearranged my organs punched a hole in my chest and i thanked it#nimona spoilers
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teaboot · 6 months
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You need to make art that nobody else likes. You need to make art that speaks to you alone. You need to cradle a serpent that eats its own tail and you need to love it until it loves you back
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haunted-xander · 14 days
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Well, I guess you didn't have much of a choice either
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martyrbat · 5 days
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ok sure you don't believe in god or the church anymore but what are you doing to unlearn the propaganda you wre taught? what are you doing to educate yourself about marginalized groups that the church attacked and that you absorbed subconsciously? how are you challenging your viewpoints on things such as addiction, sexuality, poverty, other religions, disabilities, illness, race, and more without it being through a christian lens? are you careful to not spread propaganda or harmful ideologies? youre ‘reclaiming’ shit for your poetry and healing and thats great i guess, i wish you the best, but what have you actually renounced?
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 11 days
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I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen ning#wei wuxian#wen qing#jiang cheng#Truly Massive disclaimer here: I am a Jiang Cheng enjoyer. I like his character. I enjoy that he is very flawed and volatile.#This episode of the audio drama has a lot of great breakdown scenes featuring JC - and they all deserve a feature.#But underlying this comic is a small meta comment of 'ah man I have too many comics of JC just wailing sadly'#My goal is to draw 6-8 comics per episode - I sometimes have to truncate and cut good scenes out.#Especially when a large majority is just different flavours of trauma and toxic relationships to your self-worth.#I would also like to make a note here that just because you lose the ability to do something that is very tied to your core identity-#-does not mean your life is over. It will feel like the end of the world. It will send you into a spiral of grief. It will hurt so badly.#Sometimes we do not realize how tied up our identities can be in certain things until we are cut loose.#You don't lose yourself. I promise the pain will fade in time. I promise you will find other things to tether you. I promise you will be ok#Life moves forwards. Time moves forwards. You move forwards.#Ego death just means an opportunity for ego rebirth. You are never committed to being the same person forever.#To wrap this around to JC: Yeah I love the twist with the core transfer but man I would have loved to see JC accept the loss.#Obviously it happens for a reason (story) but I can have my AUs. I can have these 'what-ifs'.#described in alt text#I'm trying it out! *please* give me feedback - I want to eventually Add image ID to all of these comics one day
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happyk44 · 3 months
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percy repeating that he can be good over and over again to himself while covered in the blood after an overwhelming unleash of volatile rage that destroyed all that threatened his loved ones while grover holds his face and steadily grounds him back to reality
("i'm safe, we're safe, it's safe, just breathe")
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seagreenstardust · 2 months
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“When toxic behavior is portrayed as romantic, it’s problematic. When problematic behavior is portrayed as a character flaw for a character to work through, it’s good storytelling.”
Katsuki Bakugou, my friends.
His behavior was problematic but never once portrayed as romantic at the same time. Katsuki said and did awful abusive things, and he also chose to be better when he was given the chance. If you’re still hung up on chapter 1 Katsuki now then I don’t think you’ve been reading the same story I have.
I can’t speak for everyone, but I’m not shipping Izuku with an irredeemable abuser. I’m shipping him with his most important person. His narrative foil. His childhood friend who made awful mistakes and then made it right when he saw he was wrong. The person Izuku looks up to and strives to emulate, despite their past struggles.
Bakudeku is so good because of how flawed these boys are, and how hard they’ve worked to get over it, and how much they matter to each other after it all
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muffinlance · 3 months
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That moment when your sensitivity reader okayed your new fanfic story outline and you REALLY WANT TO WRITE THE FIRST CHAPTER
But the preschool application deadline was today and state sales taxes are due Monday and do you or do you not qualify for a small seller exception? This state-given definition is Really Unclear
And you are an adult on Tumblr so here's fanfic and taxes on main
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uncanny-tranny · 10 months
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Your fears that you don't have a body that will transition "well" are, sure, understandable, but there isn't truly such thing as a body that's unworthy of transition. Perhaps your changing body won't suit everybody's taste, but would you rather live for yourself or for the whims of random people who don't care about your happiness as long as they're attracted to what they see?
Transition is for anybody who wants it. It's okay to be fearful. It's okay to be uncertain. But it isn't the end of the world. You are in control, and if you choose to transition to any capacity, it should be at your behest. You and your body are worthy of transition. I hope you are able to seize transition and do what you truly want for yourself.
#trans#transgender#lgbt#lgbtq#ftm#mtf#nonbinary#have been seeing a small resurgence in some trans spaces that there is such thing as an 'untransitional' body#there are people out there who cannot transition for medical/financial/social reasons but that isn't what people often mean#kill the person in your head that says you need to adhere to cishet standards. it's okay to be trans and *look* it if you want#transition because it makes you feel happy or fulfilled. transition because it is something *you* want#while yes it's complex because appearing trans can be dangerous i ultimately want people to have the freedom to make decisions solely...#...on what *they* want y'know?#i have seen this idea that some people just aren't 'able' to transition because they won't 'appear cis' for years now and it's heartbreaking#like i used the whole 'i don't look cis' against myself because it's impossible for me *to be* cis...#...i will never be non-trans. i will never not be a transsexual and i used to hate that about myself...#...because i was taught that being trans is bad. i was taught that looking trans is a curse that nobody should EVER inflict upon themselves#and that the goal was to essentially distance yourself as far away from transness as you can#and it's okay for people to not want to 'look' visibly trans. it's neutral. what was harmful was the idea that TRANS was bad#there's a huge difference between 'i don't want to be visibly trans' and 'i think being trans and looking it is bad'
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starcurtain · 2 months
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I think the most amazing thing about Alhaitham's ironic question "How has realizing your ideals gone for you?" is that yes, on the surface, it pierced through the heart of Kaveh's feelings at the time and forced him to reflect on whether he still had enough belief to keep going, but--BUT--
This is also Alhaitham subtly asking: "Was your life better without me?"
Kaveh left their friendship because of his ideals.
Kaveh's attempts to realize his beliefs began in earnest during his argument with Alhaitham, who challenged him back then by suggesting that Kaveh didn't honestly believe in his ideals and was just pursuing them out of guilt and a desire to punish himself for his father's death.
Kaveh's attempt to "realize his ideals," therefore, spans the exact amount of time he and Alhaitham have been separated. When Alhaitham asks about Kaveh's attempts, he's asking very specifically about the course Kaveh's life took when he was no longer in it.
How did it go for you? Were you happier? Was it worth it?
I truly believe that Kaveh will be able resolve his conflict with Alhaitham--and come to understand Alhaitham's actual feelings--when he realizes that, in that exact moment, he should have turned the question around:
How did realizing your ideals go for you, Alhaitham?
Was your life better off without me?
No.
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genderqueerpond · 9 days
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We don't talk enough about the fact that Amelia Pond, s5 Amelia Pond, before the timeline is reset, isn't just a normal orphan. Her parents didn't die, didn't abandon her, and didn't send her away. They never existed in the first place.
And if her parents never existed, then Amelia cannot exist. She is a causal impossibility.
"People fall out of the world sometimes, but they always leave traces." A photograph. A face carved into an apple. Yes. Sure.
A child.
Now that's too big, surely.
But that's what she is. She is exactly the same as these things. A trace. An echo of something that could never be, never was, never could have been.
And the universe should never allow it. A whole person, that's just too much. She could not have continued to exist indefinitely, in normal circumstances, after her parents never existed.
In normal circumstances.
Because the Doctor didn't just save her from things coming out of the crack in her wall. He saved her from going into it. And he didn't just save her from the threat of going into it simply because of its vicinity.
No, by arriving when he did, he interrupted a process that was probably already in motion. And then by arriving again only moments later on a cosmic relative timestream (too quickly for the process to complete) and yet in the local relative timestream, years later --- years of a potential future caught midway through the process of rewriting -- he solidified that existence. Amy is a creature from another timeline, caught in amber. The Doctor prevented her from never existing, but only after she could already never exist.
And so, no one around Amelia thinks about it. Neither does she. There's some kind of consciousness block, because if you thought about it, really thought about it, for two seconds you'd realize she cannot exist. And the human mind can't deal with that. So, to protect itself, everyone's brain simply slides off it before ever noticing. They just assume that her existence makes sense, and don't question it, and don't notice what they don't question, that is staring them in the face.
But of course, to some extent they do notice. They can't think it, but they notice subconsciously that there's something they can't think. They notice there's something wrong with her, something uncanny. And they don't like it, and they alienate her even more because of it.
"Does it ever bother you Pond that your life existence doesn't make any sense?"
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clownsuu · 1 year
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Small detour of what I usually post, but I absolutely wish (other) clown the best of luck during these confusing and almost hopeless times- nobody knows how to deal with such amount of attention in such short amount of time- a blessing and a curse to behold
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introspectivememories · 4 months
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i think one of the reasons i really like bernard and darla is because they met him at a time when he wasn't robin. to me, tim drake has always felt like an amalgamation of robin and tim. and he's good at it y'know? being tim drake and robin but when bernard and darla meet him at grieves he can't be robin. he has to just be tim drake. and he's obviously struggling but he tries for his father. and that's so interesting to me because who is tim drake without robin? he obviously doesn't know either. and we see him explore this in urban legends. he even asks himself in urban legends, "who am i if i'm not robin?" and i don't think it's too much of a surprise that at the end of urban legends, when he's figured out what he wants, he chooses the boy who only ever knew him as tim drake.
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bookshelfdreams · 29 days
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Saw a Take earlier today like "Ed stans have only 1 argument and it's accusing everyone who likes Izzy of being problematic" or something to that effect
and it made me think "Nah babe, you're not problematic. You're just wrong."
And then I thought. Huh. Why do I think that?
It's a perfectly respectable thing to read a text in a way it wasn't intended to be read. In fact, "reading against the grain", doing critical readings, shifting perspectives when engaging with a text - all of thee are important skills! You can, and should, do feminist, antiracist, postcolonial, queer, etc readings of texts that were never intended to be read that way. Hell, all fandom (often) is, is doing queer readings! Ask the text uncomfortable questions it doesn't want to answer!
However. It's pretty difficult to do a queer reading when the text already is a queer narrative. The questions you would ask the text if you did a queer reading, or a reading focused on gender roles, or similar things - those are questions the text is already actively exploring.
If you want to do a subversive reading of a text that is already quite subversive - what do you end up with?
"What's the story like from Izzy's perspective?" is a question ofmd deliberately doesn't focus too much on because Izzy's perspective is the default and ofmd wants to challenge that. There's a reason the angry white man is the antagonist in this show, and if you ask "Okay, but could he be right though?" you're missing the point.
Or rather, you're turning everything that's interesting about ofmd back around. You're asking "Okay, but why don't we focus on a white perspective that strictly adheres to oppressive power structures?" of a narrative who already asked itself this question and gave the answer "Because that's been done enough and there are other stories worth telling."
And I think people are aware of that, which is how we end up with completely bizarre takes like "Izzy has the only queer character arc". He hasn't, but he has the only arc that a queer reading can be done on - for everyone else it's text, plain and simple. Refusing to engage with that text in favour of centering Izzy is basically doing a heteronormative reading without being willing to admit it to yourself.
And no, interpreting Izzy as a queer man doesn't change that.
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larphis · 9 months
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As an adhd person I just want to say that I love every autistic person on this website.
You guys are literally the best fandom archivers out there. I’m so serious.
If you are new in just about any fandom search for the one autistic person whose special interest your newfound fandom is and it’ll be like you just met god at a nightclub.
You guys are too powerful and I thank you for your service from the bottom of my heart.
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m0e-ru · 5 months
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i cant believe p4g came out and every single one of you forgot about adachis sister
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