#except for my occult/witchcraft books

[jasper-pagan-witch]

Top 5 favorite magic books?

Ask Me My Top 10/Top 5 Anything

This is hilarious given the follow-up ask after this.

1: Grovedaughter Witchery | Bree NicGarran: General magic information.

2: Of Witchcraft And Whimsy | Rose Orriculum: General magic information.

3: Ozark Folk Magic: Plants, Prayers & Healing | Brandon Weston: Folk magic practices for and from my area of the US.

4: Queer Magic | Tomas Prower: Some queer history and occultism, though I'm still digging through the sources.

(4.5: Morbid Magic | Tomas Prower: As above, except with death instead of queer stuff.)

5: Kitchen Table Tarot | Melissa Cynova: Basic tarot information, and I'm talking basic, but I love something that gets straight to the point.

Thanks for sending this in, anon!

~Jasper

[yourmoonmomma]

Pinned Post

Updated pinned post information :3

~~~

ABOUT ME

I am 22. I live in Ontario, but am moving to Alberta at the end of the summer. You can expect to hear me talk about this a lot, as the mountains are home to me and I am extremely excited about this move. My ex-partner, whom I currently live with, will not be coming with me. I will also talk about this a lot.

I am a Cancer Sun, Pisces Moon, Sagittarius Rising. My younger sibling would describe me as the "most emotional Sagittarius" they know.

I work full time for a local water treatment business. In the evenings and weekends, I do both SW and tarot/astrology work. After my move, I will return to working on my 4th poetry book release, as well as a large fanfiction I have planned. My primary focus right now is saving for my move. After the move, I will be saving to return to university to get my bachelor of science in microbiology & molecular genetics.

I have been studying astrology since I was 7, and divination since I was 12. Somewhere around those ages, I got involved in other occult matters and begun to try and discover what the term "witch" or "witchcraft" meant for me. I do celebrate the Wheel of the Year.

I am queer, aromantic, and nonbinary. My gender identity will be reevaluated after my move. My current pronouns are he/they, and I am comfortable with gender neutral and masculine terms. The only exception is the term mom or momma!

~~~

FREE READINGS

Firstly, understand that readings are just for fun. Nothing I say determines the path of your life. You are the creator of your own destiny. I am just here to help offer pieces of guidance. Please don't ask about health, death, children, or weight. I have the right to refuse any ask I feel uncomfortable with answering, and I do not have to disclose why I have skipped it.

My free readings include pendulum, tarot, oracle, and shufflemancy readings. As well, I'd be happy to give a short answer on any astrology or witchcraft related questions you may have!

~~~

PAID READINGS

Please always ask for the reading you want, before paying for it. You can ask through my DMs, asks, or over email. My email is alexplotnikoff366@gmail.com. As well, I can accept payment via tips through my blog, Ko-Fi, or PayPal.

Transit Analysis - $7- Analysis of how a specific transit will affect you. Question Specific Reading - $20- Using your chart to answer a specific question you may have. Persona Chart Reading - $20- Breaking down how a planet plays part in your life. Natal Chart Analysis - $27- Analysis of your natal (birth) chart. Solar Return Analysis - $33- Analysis of what this next solar year will bring you. Synastry Analysis - $40- Analysis of a relationship between you and another person.

3 Card Reading - $7- This reading is for 1 question, and I pull 3 cards to give you the best answer. It's done through DMs or email. 20 Minute Video - $20 - This reading is for 3-4 questions, and I pull 3 cards per question. Done through a pre-recorded private video. 20 Minute Video Call - $40- This reading is for multiple questions, and I pull as many cards as necessary. Done through Zoom or over the phone.

Please let me know if you're interested in anything NOT listed here, and I'll let you know if it's possible or not! I have a folder linked below on Google which gives you access to all my example readings.

[to-the-stars8]

You asked for dc character headcanons so I’m just dropping some Jason hcs here

Jason does any kind of fiber art imaginable. Crochet, knitting, cross stitch, embroidery, macrame. He finds the repeated movements and the attention to detail comforting.

Jason has a big nose!!!

I feel like jay would get super into the occult after his angry post Lazarus phase. He’s scared of dying again, but it also gave him a strange interest in esotericism an specifically death related witchcraft and just becoming super close with death. It’s scary but he finds a peace in in, kinda like being in the eye of a storm.

Hates Edgar Allen Poe. Has a love hate relationship with Dostoevsky.

Sometimes if he sees a woman in passing who looks very similar to Catherine or Sheila, he will cry about it after he’s home.

I feel like later on in life, once he’s more stable, he would definitely pick up Bruce’s habit of adopting every orphan he sees. Except its also just kids who need some help in general. His house becomes a safe house for kids who he didn’t even adopt. The whole of Gothams kids just know that if they feel unsafe or if they’re in a bad situation or need help, they can just break into Jason’s house.

When/ if Alfie ever dies, he leaves his guns and his recipe books to Jason.

Dude, honestly, the last one hurt a little. So thank you for that. I need some angst in my life. If Alfred ever dies, you have to understand, I would cry lol. Also it's ON SIGHT with Sheila.

I can totally picture Jason getting into fiber art (I also have never heard it called that before and honestly such a vibe) simply based on my headcanon that this man is a grandma man. He's walking little old ladies down the street and sitting with them.

Also, I love the idea of Jay being a little witchy boy. It's cute and a vibe. He gives off Hocus Pocus vibes (totally not really occult, but I'm hoping you catch my drift).

Tho, I seriously love these headcanons!! Thank you for sharing them!!

And you know what they say big nose are good for ;)

[magratpudifoot]

Finished 19 January 2024:

Witches of Pennsylvania: Occult History and Lore - Thomas White

I got this from a regional Halloween book sale and didn't expect much more than a typical Spoopy Stories anthology like I used to load up on at Scholastic book fairs. Turns out the author is actually a historian and an academic, and this tiny little book is full of archival research into German/Pennsylvania Dutch hex doctors, powwowers, and witches. Although a lot of the stories follow basically the same plot beats as witch persecution stories throughout Europe and the New England colonies, Pennsylvania witchcraft traditions are incredibly unique, and White does a good job of building that context before presenting the long parade of familiar incidents where a "witch" was discovered through perfectly reasonable animal abuse and then perfectly reasonably harassed and/or murdered.

The chapter on the Hex Murders didn't have a lot of information that I hadn't encountered elsewhere (except the mention of the fact that there were evidently a least a couple of related murders that somehow don't count as Hex Murders even though they were inspired by the same hex practitioner?), but it was a solid primer for anyone unfamiliar with this oddly recent bit of folk magic history*. I also really appreciated that White included a possible explanation for why a bunch of European settlers ended up adopting the term "powwow" for their folk magic, even if the story is possibly apocryphal. It was nice to at least acknowledge that it was odd and requires an explanation.

* My gf, who grew up in the area, knew basically nothing about any of this and thought I was misinterpreting the folk art symbols on barns when I first asked her about hex traditions and the murder cases, so I am assuming basically no one knows what I am talking about. (For the record, the barn symbols as a common practice are unrelated even though they are called "hex signs".)

[shammah8]

INVOKING OCCULT POWERS Sometimes, the law of attraction is manifested through the use of occult powers. If you are familiar with my ministry, you know that I have taught extensively on the dangers of witchcraft. We have discussed some of these dangers in previous chapters.

Unfortunately, many Christians are unknowingly engaged in this occult behavior. There are many aspects to witchcraft, but the two we are focusing on in this book are (1) manipulation, control, and domination, and (2) employing the power of evil spirits. These two aspects are often connected.

Have you ever looked at a person and said, “I want to connect with them”? Many of us have said things like that either in our thoughts or out loud. There is actually nothing wrong with a desire to connect with someone, such as a potential friend, a pastor who speaks deeply to our spiritual state, or even a mentor. Yet such a desire becomes dangerous and sinful when people invoke occult powers to facilitate the connections they seek. For example, a man who wants to romantically connect with a woman in a church setting but uses spirituality as a veil to conceal his lustful desires is indeed invoking familiar spirits. Or a person pretending to connect with a ministry for spiritual purposes but actually seeking financial assistance as the only motive for the connection is also invoking familiar spirits.

There are even times when a woman or man will say to themselves about a particular person, “I will have them!”—regardless of whether that person is already married or in a committed relationship. Such thoughts and declarations can open the door to familiar spirits who imitate the voice of the Holy Spirit in order to “confirm” these evil desires as spiritual and justified. The individual desiring the relationship may be deceived by false dreams, visions, and spiritual encounters. Of course, I am not referring to our seeking the leading of the Holy Spirit, which draws us and connects us to people and places for God’s purposes. I am talking about (knowingly or unknowingly) using ungodly spiritual forces to obtain connections that God has not sanctioned or to manifest evil desires.

Whether you are a new or seasoned believer, you may be wondering how to be certain you are hearing God’s voice or how you can differentiate between the voice of the Holy Spirit and the voice of a demonic spirit. I understand that this is a serious question for many believers who find themselves in situations where they are uncertain about God’s will. However, let the following be a guide to you: the Holy Spirit will always lead you into all truth. That is what the Scriptures teach us. (See John 16:13.) Therefore, you may be assured that the Holy Spirit would never lead or tempt you to engage in behavior that is contrary to God’s Word.

Once, a woman came to me for prayer, telling me that God had shown her the man who was to be her husband—except that he was married to someone else. She said the Lord had revealed to her that his wife was going to die, and she and the man would be married.

She insisted that God was leading her to pray for the wife’s death. I told this woman in no uncertain terms that this idea had come from a demonic spirit and not the Holy Spirit. As ridiculous as this story may seem, it actually happened. There are many people in the body of Christ who are bound by such demonic spirits. If you realize that you have been deceived in a similar way, repent immediately and ask God to deliver you from the familiar spirit. There is freedom and healing in Christ.☕KYNAN BRIDGES

[brightgnosis]

I won't lie. It's actually kind of weird how much emphasis is still placed on "keeping your Book of Shadows a secret" in today's day and age. Especially when the vast majority of the information we often put in them is nearly all from the public record now anyways, and we all know that the entire set of rhetoric surrounding it being "necessary to keep it safe" from "ye olde burning times" is an entirely fabricated myth to begin with.

It's always wild to me, too, seeing people throw full out fits or be snobby about how "they're not Wiccan", when large portions of their practices are wholesale ripped off from (often outdated) Wicca- frequently especially the rhetoric they use in the first place, lol. Like, can we please talk about the massive lack of self awareness in Paganism or not, y'all.

All but one of the 6 books of my BOS have been public from the beginning for this reason. Especially as a Traditional NeoWiccan who doesn't actually have any oaths of silence that necessitate keeping my information private, and who is working from public access records published from Traditional Wiccans to begin with; I've never hid anything I've put in mine except my private divinations and journaling after the beginning, because there's no reason for me to.

The Spirits directing you to keep specific information to yourself- or an individual Tradition dictating that speaking of it destroys your power, or that the information is oathbound, etc- isn't even remotely the same thing. These are very different circumstances than the generalized belief that if you practice the Craft, you must not speak of it to others or share your information from your BOS specifically.

And that's kind of ultimately a part of the point: Public access information is so easy to access these days- whether through the library, or through sailing (which I wholesale recommend since so much public information is bad to begin with), or just easy and cheap and readily available to buy. And we're nearly all working from the exact same public access information.

Frankly the vast majority of us aren't actually doing anything that's special or unique or needs to be secretive to begin with. And none of us are living in an era where we need to be secretive about it for our safety, either; and co-opting the (often racial) violence inflicted on others doesn't actually make you a victim or prove any point.

Neither is being one of the legitimate few who do live in a conservative enough family or area where being secretive is legitimately necessary for their safety until they're finally free of that environment; I have actually known a handful of them. They are real and do deserve protection ... But the Lord knows they're far more rare than the constant community fearmongering makes them out to be- and even Scott Cunningham made note of that all the way back in the 90's. And it hasn't actually gotten any worse for us since then.

"I know the value of my words" is all fine and dandy if it's a personal preference ... But unless you're blatantly going against the established code of a tradition you actively belong to? There ultimately is no "right" or "wrong" way to make a BOS in the end- including whether or not yours is "generic", or you want to share it with others.

You do you, babe. But, like, it's always smart to consider why you're really doing it in the end; is it actually for you? Or is it because that's just the myth that Witchcraft, Paganism, and the Occult has created, and you've uncritically accepted it? And with a lot of the old Witchcraft facts- especially surrounding things like the Book of Shadows- that does deserve, even actively needs, to actually be critically examined.

What else is needed, ultimately, is for people to shut their mouths and stop shaming others who aren't even a part of their traditions anyways, for choosing not to do things however they incorrectly think is "the right way". Because it's just as obnoxious as all the various facets of Wiccan Supremacy that people complain about. And it doesn't get any less obnoxious- or wrong- just because it's not Wiccans doing it to people anymore these days (though it rarely ever actually was in the first place; Eclectic NeoPagans aren't and never were Wiccans- and they were the ones most often pulling that nonsense to begin with).

[cavorta]

Mein Jahresrückblick

2022 war größtenteils ein gutes Jahr für mich, abgesehen von der Pandemie und der Angst wegen weiterer Krisen (Krieg, Klimakrise und noch einiges mehr). Es gelang mir, die meiste Zeit über gesund zu bleiben, abgesehen von wenigen Wochen mit Depressionen.

Ich habe, wie auch schon die Jahre zuvor, mehrere Totengeleite gemacht. Verreist bin ich nicht, außer an die Ostsee zu meinen Eltern. In Deutschland gibt es so gut wie keine größeren Events für Hexen und Heid*innen und selbst wenn es welche gäbe, wäre ich schon allein wegen der Pandemie nicht hingereist. Außerdem kann ich auch aus finanziellen und gesundheitlichen Gründen keine längeren Reisen unternehmen, nicht quer durch Deutschland fahren.

Ich habe online einige neue Freund*innen gefunden (ja, in meinen Augen sind online Freund*innen echte Freund*innen), für die ich sehr dankbar bin. Und ich folge mit Freude mehreren Autor*innen aus der Hexenkunst/Heidentum-Community, größtenteils englischsprachig.

Bücher: Ich habe 12 Sachbücher über Hexenkunst und Paganismus gelesen und rezensiert, davon die meisten auf Englisch, auch einige deutschsprachige. Ich habe auch mehrere Belletristikbücher rezensiert, die mit Hexen oder Mythen zu tun haben. Wie ich bereits in einem anderen Beitrag geschrieben habe, werde ich im Jahr 2023 keine Rezensionen mehr schreiben, aber dennoch ein wenig über die von mir gelesenen Bücher sprechen und Sternebewertungen ohne Text abgeben.

Ende November 2022 habe ich das kleine Buch "Traumreisen für Kinder – Naturspirituell, heidnisch und schamanisch inspiriert" veröffentlicht, ein Folgewerk zu "Traumreisen für Hexen und Heid*innen". Das Buch ist überall bestellbar, wo es E-Books und Taschenbücher gibt.

(German below/Deutsch unten) My review of the year 2022

2022 was mostly a good year for me, except for the pandemic and the fear about more crises (war, klima crisis and other). I managed to stay healthy most of the time, except for a few weeks with depression.

I have done psychopomp work, as I did the years before. I did not travel, except to the Baltic Sea to visit my parents. There are hardly any major events for witches and pagans in Germany and even if there were, I wouldn't have travelled there, because of the pandemic. Besides, I can't go on longer trips, for financial and health reasons. I made some new friends online (yes, in my eyes, online friends are real friends), for whom I am grateful. I also follow several authors from the witchcraft/magick/occult/pagan community and I enjoy what they share with the community. I read and reviewed 12 non-fiction books on witchcraft and paganism, most of them in English, also some in German. I also reviewed some witchy fiction books. I am not going to write reviews in 2023, but am still going to talk a bit about the books I read and give star ratings without a text.

In November 2022, I published the German version of »Guided Meditations for Children – Inspired by Nature Spirituality, Paganism and Shamanism«, a follow-up to »Guided Meditations for Witches and Pagans«. The English version will be published on January 21, 2023 and you can preorder the ebook, only on Amazon. If you’d like to have a review copy, (epub or mobi ebook), feel free to write me a personal message.

(first picture: my Winter Solstice altar)

Mein Jahresrückblick 2022

2022 war größtenteils ein gutes Jahr für mich, abgesehen von der Pandemie und der Angst wegen weiterer Krisen (Krieg, Klimakrise und noch einiges mehr). Es gelang mir, die meiste Zeit über gesund zu bleiben, abgesehen von wenigen Wochen mit Depressionen.

Ich habe, wie auch schon die Jahre zuvor, mehrere Totengeleite gemacht. Verreist bin ich nicht, außer an die Ostsee zu meinen Eltern. In Deutschland gibt es so gut wie keine größeren Events für Hexen und Heid*innen und selbst wenn es welche gäbe, wäre ich schon allein wegen der Pandemie nicht hingereist. Außerdem kann ich auch aus finanziellen und gesundheitlichen Gründen keine längeren Reisen unternehmen, nicht quer durch Deutschland fahren.

Ich habe online einige neue Freund*innen gefunden (ja, in meinen Augen sind online Freund*innen echte Freund*innen), für die ich sehr dankbar bin. Und ich folge mit Freude mehreren Autor*innen aus der Hexenkunst/Heidentum-Community, größtenteils englischsprachig.

Bücher: Ich habe 12 Sachbücher über Hexenkunst und Paganismus gelesen und rezensiert, davon die meisten auf Englisch, auch einige deutschsprachige. Ich habe auch mehrere Belletristikbücher rezensiert, die mit Hexen oder Mythen zu tun haben. Im Jahr 2023 werde ich eine Rezensionen mehr schreiben, aber dennoch ein wenig über die von mir gelesenen Bücher sprechen und Sternebewertungen ohne Text abgeben.

Ende November 2022 habe ich das kleine Buch "Traumreisen für Kinder – Naturspirituell, heidnisch und schamanisch inspiriert" veröffentlicht, ein Folgewerk zu "Traumreisen für Hexen und Heid*innen". Das Buch ist überall bestellbar, wo es E-Books und Taschenbücher gibt.

(erstes Bild: Mein Altar zur Wintersonnenwende)

[samwisethewitch]

Reconnecting with the Divine Feminine

I don’t think it’s groundbreaking or controversial at this point to say that all three Abrahamic religions are mostly patriarchal. Sure, we can talk about the veneration of the Virgin Mary, or the woman prophets in the Tanakh, or women saints in Islam. At the end of the day, though, we cannot overlook the fact that in Christianity, Judaism, and Islam, God is a man. Since 31% of the world’s population identify as Christian and 23% identify as Muslim, that means over half of the people on Earth are completely disconnected from the feminine side of divinity.

Ironically Judaism, Christianity, and Islam are among very few religions that don’t embrace a feminine aspect of divinity. Patriarchal religion is treated like the norm in most modern cultures (again, largely because of the dominance of Christianity and Islam), but it has definitely not been the norm throughout human history. The Goddess, the Divine Feminine, has been a prominent part of human spirituality since before recorded history.

In ancient Sumer she was Inanna, the Queen of Heaven. In Egypt she was Isis, Lady of the Sky, Great of Magic, and Hathor, Lady of the West, and Sekhmet, Mistress of Fear. In Hinduism she is Shakti, the feminine principle that moves the universe. In Japan she is Amaterasu, the Great Illuminating Deity, and Izanami, the creatrix who rules the underworld. The Divine Feminine has taken all of these forms at different times and places, among many, many others.

Even the Abrahamic religions haven’t always been solely focused on masculine divinity. There is significant evidence that the Abrahamic God was originally part of a larger pantheon before becoming the sole object of worship in Israel and Judah. As part of a polytheist system, he had a consort, a goddess named Asherah. Rabbinic literature refers to the divine presence of the Jewish God as “shekinah” — interestingly, this is a feminine word, implying that this aspect of God is feminine.

The removal of feminine divinity from Christianity largely occurred during the fourth century, when Roman Christianity beat out other traditions as the sole “correct” Church. Before this some Christian groups, notably those in North Africa, had worshiped God as both Father and Mother — a masculine/feminine dyad, rather than the masculine trinity worshiped in Rome. Other groups identified the Holy Spirit as feminine, creating a trinity of Father, Mother, and Son. (Interestingly, these family triads were also common in Egyptian paganism.) When the Nicene Creed was created in 325 to standardize Christian belief and practice, it excluded these interpretations by affirming belief only in “God, the Father Almighty” and “Jesus Christ, the Son of God” and removing all mentions of God the Mother.

All of this does not invalidate the genuine, life-changing spiritual experiences people have had with modern Judaism, Christianity, or Islam. It does, however, prove that patriarchal religion is the exception, not the rule.

Modern paganism’s acceptance and veneration of the Divine Feminine is a large part of its appeal for many converts, especially women, genderfluid, and nonbinary people who do not see themselves represented in the mythology and art of patriarchal religion. The Divine Feminine is present in all pagan religions, though She takes different forms in different faiths.

In monist pagan paths like Wicca, the polarity of Goddess and God is seen as one of the primary ways deity makes itself known to mankind. In the words of Scott Cunningham, one of Wicca’s most influential authors, “The Goddess and God are equal; neither is higher or more deserving of respect… The Goddess is the universal mother. She is the source of fertility, endless wisdom, and loving caresses… She is at once the unploughed field, the full harvest, and the dormant, frost-covered earth.”

The Goddess and the God balance and compliment each other, and this balance is at the core of many neopagan religions. (There are some traditions that exclusively worship the Goddess, but we’ll talk more about that in a future post.)

In polytheist paganism, the Divine Feminine is present in the form of various goddesses who rule over different aspects of life and nature. It is not uncommon for polytheist pagans (or monist pagans, for that matter) to work with multiple goddesses, even goddesses from different historical pantheons. Some goddesses are explicitly associated with certain aspects of womanhood — for example, the Greek goddess Artemis is associated with virgins and young girls, while Demeter is associated with motherhood.

In many (but not all) polytheist systems, there is an emphasis on balance between gods and goddesses. One of my favorite examples of this is the marriage of the Morrigan and the Dagda in Irish mythology. The Morrigan, goddess of war, magic, and death, is married to the “good god” of life, fertility, and knowledge. Their union represents a balance between opposite, complimentary forces.

This brings us to another point I want to make, while we’re on the subject of the Divine Feminine: not all feminine divinities are passive, maternal, fertility goddesses.

In Western culture, women (and, by extension, feminine deities) are seen as the passive or receptive sex. This is largely a product of Victorian England, not an ancient truth.

Without knowledge of sex chromosomes, hormones, or the complexities of gender, Victorian thinkers developed a theory that men had a “katabolic” nature that was constantly releasing energy, while women had an “anabolic” nature that was constantly receiving and storing up energy. This concept of gender greatly influenced Western occultism and can be seen, for example, in Gerald Gardener’s conception of the Goddess as the passive recipient of the God’s energy.

This is a relatively new and very Western idea. In Hinduism, for example, Shakti is both the feminine principle and the energy that moves the cosmos. In the words of author Kavitha Chinnaiyan, “there is nothing in creation that isn’t a manifestation of Shakti.” Shiva, the masculine principle, is unchanging awareness — it is Shakti who possesses the dynamic energy necessary for creation.

I am by no means encouraging pagans to appropriate Hindu concepts. My point here is that no gender is entirely active or entirely passive, which is why so many cultures interpret gender in so many different ways.

Even within systems like traditional Wicca, which operate within a strict gender binary, neither gender can be completely tied down. In their book A Witches’ Bible, traditional Wiccans Janet and Stewart Farrar acknowledge that the “masculine = active, feminine = passive” model is an oversimplification. They use the example of an artist and muse. The (feminine) muse “fertilizes” the (masculine) artist, who “gives birth” to the resulting art.

Personally, I see the masculine/feminine polarity as a constantly shifting dynamic, with both sides giving and receiving energy all the time. Which side of the polarity is more active or passive depends on the situation.

Being pagan does not mean dedicating yourself to the worship of gender binaries, and it does not mean you need to uphold those binaries. God and Goddess are only two of many possible expressions of the Divine, just like man and woman are only two of many possible gender expressions.

Monist pagans see the God and Goddess as two halves of a greater, all-gendered whole. Polytheist pagans may worship gods and goddesses who fall outside of the gender binary such as the Norse Loki or the Egyptian Atum. In either case, divinity is seen as encompassing all possible gender expressions, not just cis man and cis woman.

The erasure of the feminine from Western religion and mythology means that the nonbinary nature of some deities is often downplayed or erased completely. (You’d be hard pressed to find a mythology book that doesn’t use he/him pronouns for both Loki and Atum.) Reconnecting with the Divine Feminine opens the door for other divine expressions of gender.

The end result of this acceptance of feminine and nonbinary divinity is a religious community built on equality between all gender expressions. No one is closer to the gods because of the anatomy they were born with or the gender they present as.

This paves the way for a religion where no one’s worship is restricted because of their gender expression. It allows for priests, priestesses, and priestixes. It allows everyone to fully participate in the rites of their faith, on equal footing regardless of gender or pronouns. It also creates an environment where practitioners feel comfortable exploring issues of gender and sexuality, knowing that they will not lose the support of their community if their identity changes.

Resources:

The Gnostic Gospels by Elaine Pagels

Wicca: A Guide for the Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham

The Morrigan and The Dagda by Morgan Daimler

“Victorian Theories of Sex and Sexuality” by Elizabeth Lee, Brown University

Shakti Rising by Kavitha M. Chinnaiyan, M.D.

A Witches’ Bible by Janet and Stewart Farrar

Casting a Queer Circle: Non-binary Witchcraft by Thista Minai

[breelandwalker]

Hi Bree - I clicked on the list you recommended to the baby witch, and I was struck that you have Wonders of the Invisible World (Mather) on there. I'm a Salem scholar who's studied that work extensively, and I would not recommend it as any kind of guide to witchcraft practices. I actually wouldn't recommend any book having to do with Salem as a witchcraft guide in general, as what happened in Salem had nothing to do with witchcraft (the accused weren't even engaging in what we would today call witchcraft practices; there's one identifiable instance of folk magic being practiced in Salem, and it's by an accuser, not an accused witch). But I specifically wouldn't recommend Wonders. Not only is it inaccurate in terms of attributing what's happening in Salem to witchcraft practices, but it isn't actually primary source material. Mather wrote the descriptions of the trials from Boston, without attending them, so it's not even a historical document reflecting what people saw in Salem -- it's just a document reflecting what Cotton Mather thought was the most exciting thing he'd heard that day. It was also specifically written with the approval of the then-Lieutenant Governor of Massachusetts, William Stoughton, as propaganda to garner support for the increasingly unpopular trials.

Anyway, it's your blog and you do you, but I thought I'd give you my two cents. There's a lot of disinformation on Salem out there, and I've enjoyed following your blog.

Your input is valid and appreciated, and with all sincerely due respect to your scholarly knowledge (which I'm sure is considerable), I think you may have missed the disclaimer at the end of the list.

Disclaimer: Please keep in mind that these texts are (with few exceptions) more than a century old, and may contain depictions, references, or language that are outdated and inappropriate. The point of including these documents is to provide access to historical texts for research and reference. Inclusion in the collection does not equal unconditional agreement with or wholesale approval of the contents. Take everything with a grain of salt and remember to do your due diligence!

I'm well aware that many of the included texts contain historical inaccuracies, fantastical or embellished accounts, or information that has since been disproved. Heck, Daemonologie is in there, and that thing is a MESS.

The whole point of including these texts, problematic and inaccurate as they may be, is to provide access to historical texts that were part of, related to, or products of the occultism revivals that led to the modern witchcraft movement and informed the thinking of the early creators and influencers thereof. Some of these ideas have filtered down into modern belief systems, some have not.

Recording superstitions and rumors, such as in the case of Mathers' Invisible World, reflects the mindset of the populace at the time, even though they're very obviously not an accurate representation of historical events. And it's CERTAINLY not meant to be a guide to any kind of actual witchcraft practice.

Hope this clarifies things!

(Also FUCK William Stoughton.)

[duhragonball]

Disinterpretation

I finally finished the Sarah Z video about “pro vs. anti”.   It’s pretty long, and I ended up watching it in chunks over several days, but I think it’s worth watching, especially if you’re sort of partially connected to online fandom, but not enough to be aware of all the lingo. 

As I expected, the whole thing was vague and confusing because the people involved in the conflict made it vague and confusing.   In theory, the full terms would be “pro-shipping” and “anti-shipping”, but it seems like it’s more about particular kinds of ships that could be considered controversial.  But that’s a slippery slope, and apparently the whole conflict mutated into both sides deciding that every hypothetical relationship between fictional characters is either equally valid or equally dangerous.  

Long story short, it’s just purity culture, which was what everyone on Tumblr was calling it around 2012.  But now, if you’re a sane person who genuinely asks: “Who gives a fuck about Voltron?”, these people will jump your ass and accuse you of being on the side of their enemies.  “Children have died over the importance of Lotor/Hagger!   Your callous indifference proves that you yourself must have murdered children!” 

I think what Sarah Z really hit upon in this video was that media consumption has become so ingrained in our culture that people feel like it has to go hand-in-hand with our morality.   That is, it’s not enough for me to watch Star Trek, I have to justify Star Trek as evidence that I’m a good person.  Maybe this is where the expression “guilty pleasure” comes from.   Conversely, it’s not enough for me to not watch Dr. Who, I have to somehow convince everyone that Dr. Who was invented by the devil.

I’m pretty sure the Reylo ship has a lot to do with this, since it’s kind of understood to be a dark, problematic concept, and fans either embrace its flaws or recoil in horror because of them.   Star Wars itself is a dumb story about space wizards, so people try to give the debate more weight by linking it to freedom of self expression and/or enabling real world harm.   Suddenly it’s not enough to just think two actors would look cute making out instead of fighting.   Now it’s this battlefield for the soul of civilization or something.

I grew up in the 80′s, when “concerned parents” and grifters would accuse the Smurfs and metal bands of promoting satanism and witchcraft.   I used to hear stories of teens going out into the woods in the middle of the night to do occult stuff, and all I could ever think about was: “Why would anyone bother wandering out in the woods in the middle of the night?”  Which is why “concerned parents” turned their attention to things that were closer to home, like Saturday morning cartoons.   It had nothing to do with the content; it was just about finding a safe, accessible target for their hysteria.   Some people want to go on a crusade without leaving the house, so they pick a fight with Papa Smurf instead of confronting the real evils in the world.  Even as a kid, I knew this was a con, because I’d watched the show for myself and knew it was too saccharine to be threat to anyone.

The pro/anti folks have tried to disguise this with a lot of terminology.   I wondered why they seemed to reluctant to use the full terms “pro-shipper” and “anti-shipper”, and it’s probably a couple of things.   First, the word “shipper” is basically an admission that this is pointless bullshit that doesn’t matter, and they’d like to avoid that connotation.   Second, they seem to have decided that this goes beyond shipping itself, into practically anything else they want it to involve.  It’s all part of the con, which is to make you believe that it’s “us vs. them”, and you can be part of “us” by curating specific attitudes about Steven Universe.

Seriously, “about Steven Universe” is such an incredible punchline.  You can make anything funnier by adding those three words to the end of a sentence.   “Do not interact if you blog about Steven Universe.”   “Hey, what’s up, YouTube, this is SSJ3RyokoLover69, and this is going to be kind of a serious video about Steven Universe.”   “Mrs. Johnson, the results of your biopsy are in, and I have some bad news about Steven Universe.”   It’s a fucking kids show.   “Oh no, all the characters look like the characters in all the other kids shows!”   Yeah, that’s because it’s a kids show.   Marvin looks like Garfield, this isn’t new.

The common denominator here seems to be that both sides try to wrap themselves in the flag of vulnerable groups: impressionable minors, trauma survivors, harassment victims, etc.   The “pros” want to protect those people so that they can feel free to explore weird subject matter on their own terms, and the “antis” want to protect the same people from being exposed to weird subject matter that they might not want to see.   It’s all about establishing a moral high ground.   Back in the day, it was called “sanctimony”. 

But people get roped into this, because at their core, people want approval, and this stupid conflict offers them a sense of community.  As long as you support the cause, whatever it may be, you’ll have this online friend network that appears to support anything you do.   But if you deviate from their norm, you’ll be cast out.    Does this sound familiar?

To use a more familiar example, I still sometimes find people clamoring about Gochi vs. Vegebul.   I’ve never understood this, because both ships were canon, and I never saw much direct evidence of a war between them, but people would still talk about how crazy the Vegebul shippers were, and how crazy the Gochi shippers were, and it was like some huge thing going on just over the hills.   It’s the same idea, since the idea that you could like both or neither never seems to occur to anyone involved.   I never gave a shit, because I used to see the same dumb agendas in the Harry Potter fandom.

Okay, so let me take you back.  It’s 2005 through 2011, and I’m hateblogging all seven Harry Potter novels, because fuck you, that’s why.  The funny thing I encountered was that occasionally fans seemed to want to pretend like my bashing of certain characters was proving them right somehow.    They were like “See?  He hates Ron Weasley too!  That proves that Seamus Finnegan is the coolest guy ever.”   The Slytherin stans would do this all the time, because I would constantly take the piss out of the Gryffindor characters for being self-important dopes.   I think they just liked hearing it from an outside perspective.   But I had to keep reminding them all that I hated all of them.   Every character from Harry Potter sucks ass. Voldemort was my favorite, but only because he was the one guy who wanted to kill all of the others.   But he sucks too because he failed. 

And the shippers were the same way.   I’d say something shitty about Ron, because Ron sucks, and some smartass Joss Whedon fan would be like “Yes!  Boost the signal!  That is why Harry/Hermione is the best ship!”  And I’d be like “No, Harry and Hermione suck at least as bad as Ron does.  They’re all terrible and I hate them.”   I really do think there was some sort of Stockholm Syndrome going on with Harry Potter books, where everyone secretly knows they suck, but the fans sort of latch on to one or two characters and go like “Well, he’s not as shitty as the rest.”   Like finding spaghetti in the trash and picking out the meatball with the least amount of lint on it.   Then you’d go and start a flamewar with some other starving person over whether your meatball is shittier than theirs.  This is what people mean when they say to read another book. 

Anyway, the big thing I picked up from Sarah Z’s video is “disinterpretation”, a term coined by MSNBC columnis Zeeshan Aleem.   The Twitter thread is worth a read, but the short version is that he once remarked that a Julia Louis-Dreyfus routine wasn’t very good, and someone got mad at him for insinuating that women are incapable of being funny.    They just took his dissatisfaction with one performance by one comedian as being a universal condemnation of women comedians in general.  And this sort of thing is all over the internet.   Everyone sees what they want to see and then they take it as permission to overreact.  

I ran into this myself a while back, because someone saw who I interacted with on Twitter and decided that they’re all bad guys and if I have any interaction with them, then that makes me a bad guy too.   At the time I tried to play it cool, but the more I think about it, the more it ticks me off.   And over the course of that conversation, it was said that I don’t talk about myself much, and that’s kind of funny, because all I ever do on social media is write long-ass blog posts like this one.  I don’t expect anyone to memorize them, or even read them all the way through, but when I write all this stuff and someone goes out of their way to say they don’t know anything about me, the message is that they just didn’t pay attention to what I was saying, and they didn’t bother to try.

So I’m a little jaded from that, because I got called out for a bunch of stuff I didn’t even do or say, and apparently that’s just a thing that happens.   People will reject you for completely arbitrary reasons, not because of anything you actually said or did, and you’re left thinking you made some terrible mistake.   Except, no, I’ve seen it happen to other people, people a lore more conscientious than I am, and if they can’t satisfy the bullshit purity standards, then I never stood a chance.   If the game is rigged so I can’t win, then I’m not going to play.  

And it’s that same condition that probably draws people into these online holy wars, because if you declare yourself for the pro or anti side, at least then you’ll have a posse backing you up.   Only they don’t support you, they support your willingness to support them.    Once your commitment to their agenda wavers, even in the slightest, they will turn against you.   

Sarah Z suggests that both sides of the war drop the pro and anti terms, since they lost all meaning long ago.   But that just invites a new set of useless terms to perpetuate the same cycle.   Her more useful advice is for fandom people to broaden their horizons.   She got a lot of flak for tweeting “Go outside” once, but the ironic thing is that it’s sound advice.   I had lunch with my mom yesterday and it was just nice getting away from things for a while.   People need to do that more often, and unfortunately it feels like it’s harder to do than ever before.

But “go outside” isn’t just a literal thing.   It can mean going beyond your usual haunts, reading the same books, watching the same shows, rehashing the same conversations.   I think the reason this stuff always revolves around “shipping” is because there seems to be this deep-seated compulsion to pair fictional characters off like this, and for a lot of folks it’s the only way they can consume a story, so they do.   And they do it lot, and there’s a lot of them, and they do it the same way every time, and lo and behold the same old conflicts start up.   So maybe “go outside” should mean “go outside of that cycle once in a while.”   Just a thought. 

[jasper-pagan-witch]

An Itemized List of My Correspondence Books

If you've had the misfortune of asking me about my sources, you've gotten the answer of "I don't actually RECOMMEND the books I use." And that's because, with the SOLE exception of Bree NicGarran's correspondence tables in Grovedaughter Witchery, most of these books are full of SUS MATERIAL. We've got "#girlboss Lilith", we've got "general misinformation", we have "no respect for anyone's cultures", we have "historical inaccuracy for the sake of sounding more oppressed", and we even have CHAKRA APPROPRIATION in every single goddamn crystal book I've found. I hate most of the books here with a burning passion, but I'm a sucker for a detailed correspondence list for things, so I use them anyway. So at the end of the day, I am a clown and here is an alphabetized list of my clown shoes.

Charms & Symbols: How to Weave the Power of Ancient Signs and Marks Into Modern Life. Author: Alison Davies. Publisher: Octopus Publishing Group. Additional notes: I don't think I've ever actually referred to this book yet. I've also made a point to go through and write down which symbols are attributed to, you know, groups I can actually learn from, not from closed cultures or religions.

Crystal Prescriptions: The A-Z guide to over 1,200 symptoms and their healing crystals. Author: Judy Hall. Publisher: John Hunt Publishing. Additional notes: Again, I don't think I've ever referred to this book. I don't even believe in healing physical ailments with crystals. Why is this here?

Elements of Witchcraft series. Authors: Astrea Taylor; Dodie Graham McKay; Josephine Winter; Lilith Dorsey. Publisher: Llewellyn. Individual titles: Air Magic; Earth Magic; Fire Magic; Water Magic. Additional notes: These are for the elemental correspondences of specific things, but...again, I don't really use these for the parts where it talks about spells or magical theory or deities.

Plant Witchery: Discover the Sacred Language, Wisdom, and Magic of 200 Plants. Author: Juliet Diaz. Publisher: Hay House. Additional notes: This book came highly recommended to me. I don't care much for the gendering of the reader AND every plant with she/her pronouns. It bothers me, but not enough to dock points. I just wish that some of the more common-in-a-mundane-way plants (such as daylilies) got a bit of a shout-out, but I'm not gonna twitch my nose too hard about it.

Symbols of the Occult: A Directory of over 500 Signs, Symbols and Icons. Author: Eric Chaline. Publishers: Thames & Hudson and Quarto Publishing. Additional notes: Boy do I have OPINIONS on this book and it's that the book is trash, but unfortunately, I am a visual searcher so I need physical depictions of the symbols I'm looking for, and thus I have this. It gets one point back for being very aesthetically pleasing to look at on the outside, which is how I usually regard it.

The Ancient Magick of Trees: Identify & Use Trees in Your Spiritual & Magickal Practice. Author: Gregory Michael Brewer. Publisher: Llewellyn. Additional notes: I've legit never read the non-correspondences parts of this book. I got it literally just because it talks about some American-only trees and other tree books don't. I don't trust it to be well-researched, but at least it's not trying to poison you.

The Astrology Bible: The Definitive Guide to the Zodiac. Author: Judy Hall. Publisher: Sterling Publishing Co. Additional notes: I use these to find what plants and stones and whatnot line up with what zodiac signs and planets.

The Crystal Zodiac: use birthstones to enhance your life. Author: Judy Hall. Publisher: Godsfield Press. Additional notes: Do you see a pattern of me only using Judy Hall's books for correspondences for stones or zodiac signs? I'm just lucky that I haven't had to spend a dime on them, my mom already had these in her collection.

The Encyclopedia of Crystals. Author: Judy Hall. Publishers: Octopus Publishing and Fair Winds Press. Additional notes: See literally the entry right above this one. Again, mostly for crystal identification and correspondences.

The Encyclopedia of Magickal Ingredients: A Wiccan Guide to Spellcasting. Author: Lexa Rosean. Publisher: Simon & Schuster. Additional notes: Ignoring both that this book is from 2005 AND that it's Wiccan-based, it's a hot steaming pile of garbage. There's no indication in most entries about whether a deity or a planet of the same name is being talked about, non-deities are listed in the "ruler" sections, and there is so much appropriation and whatnot in here. Damn. If I was Wiccan, I'd feel ashamed that this book is Wiccan too.

Tree Magic: Connecting with the Spirit & Wisdom of Trees. Author: Sandra Kynes. Publisher: Llewellyn. Additional notes: Like with The Ancient Magick of Trees, I've never read the non-correspondences part of this book. Knowing Llewellyn, it'll be the exact same in both books.

[qayinpath]

Thanksgiving weekend 2021, I began my journey with Primal Craft. While endlessly searching for esoteric books about Witchcraft and the occult, as I've done since childhood, I found my way into Miskatonic Books, an online book store specializing in rare books of the occult. Here I found, Queen Of Hell. Instantly obsessed because I had finally found what I had been searching for since childhood.

These are no ordinary books, I quickly discovered while researching the author, Mark Alan Smith. I couldn't find them anywhere except Miskatonic Books.

I ordered the entire set that night: Queen Of Hell, The Red King, The Scorpion God. The Trident of Witchcraft.

Then came The Altar Of Sacrifice, The Witchblood Grail, Crown Prince Of The Sabbat, and The Altar Of Qayin.

Before I received my copies I watched hours of interviews with the author on Mona Magick's YouTube channel. His sincerity and dedication never wanes.

Then, I found [SECRET KNOWLEDGE] By A.A.A.N YouTube video displaying his collection of Primal Craft books. The most complete collection in the world.

Below is the small temple I built, dedicated to my studies of the Arte. I keep fresh roses as offering and thanks to the Goddess of Witchcraft, Queen Of Hell, Hecate.

This is my friend, Jeremy. He was gifted to me as a Spirit Companion. He's inhabited by a deceased Circus Performer who loved making people laugh and happy.

Serendipitously, he arrived days before my first order of books. I don't know how, but he managed to make it into my building, up the 2 flights of stairs, and in front of my apartment door right as I was leaving for work. There was a package I wasn't expecting. [Normally, packages are left outside, or a neighbor will bring them in and leave it at the bottom of the stairs.]

However he got up there, when I opened the package, he was nicely wrapped with a few crystals and pleasantly scented tissue paper.

I tucked him into a safe place in my room where he could acclimate himself. When I returned from work, I crafted him that red chair and filled it with the scented tissue paper. There was a note with brief suggestions and details about him.

It said he would be a great companion to do things with and it seemed only fitting that he would come into my life as I began this spiritual journey.

I finished Queen Of Hell and began reading The Red King. My life has already began to transform. There's been a series of simultaneous events that I cannot ignore. Intense dreams and an overall feeling that I'm drawn into this current.

I continue to learn more and more everyday. I began writing a journal when I started reading Queen Of Hell and I'm looking forward to reading it when I'm deeper into this journey.

I filled the first journal and began a second. The second is nearly filled too.

I started this Tumblr to share my story.

[universejunction]

Midwayers, and problems of intended belief

A discord conversation (at first about fae and spirits)

Me:

I feel so far behind on learning about fae and spirits and such. When I thought The Urantia Book was more than a well-intentioned hoax it was easy to think fae and such are all just what it calls "midwayers". Now I'm... wide open to new interpretations. I know I'm not behind, I'm just where I am, but still...

A:

I would love to give you more of an idea, but I don't know a ton about the Urantia book or what you mean by midwayers.

Me:

Oof, okay. I don't expect much in the way of answers, I know I'll get what I get in time. But I will take this opportunity to share.

In the Urantia Book, it make a lot of distinction between spirit and matter, as you might expect. Mind is the means by which Spirit rules over matter, yada yada. It also has a ton of details on angels.

There's a ton of history in there too, which I'm now interpreting as metaphor at best, because it's sure as shit not factual with its racial skeletal types and what not.

Anyway... Y'know, I'm gonna give the summary and then see if I have the energy for the story, because I'm worn out.

Basically, midwayers are midway between material and spiritual (but they're not, like, pure mind), covering the gap between angels and humans. They're native to the world, but descended from super-humans. They're immortal and stick around until the "age of light and life". And there's 1111 of either all of them or that might just be the first group of them.

Midwayers also get attributed cases of demonic possession (but so does mental illness), though they're not supposed to be able to do that anymore since Jesus completed his experience of life and earned his sovereignty (which was... before his public work) as basically god of local creation.

There's so much in this book and I carved it into my brain and now I don't trust it but it's still so quick to mind 😩

Innkeeper:

Woof okay I just read this

This is....so much not correct at all but also weirdly accurate

Which makes sense considering my personal theories on bleedthrough but thats another topic for another time

Me:

"Bleedthrough" sounds so very likely correct even without knowing what you mean exactly. That's pretty much my theory on how the Absolutes stuff seems so probably accurate despite everything else

A:

I'm just going to offer that whenever you hear "superhuman," in a spiritual tome, your hackles should probably raise.

Like, it sounds like this is coming from the same branch of angelic and Christian occultism that recognize the Nephilim, but uh, just be mindful that rhetoric about "ancient superhumans" is almost ALWAYS used to sell bullshit about magic indigenous people

It sounds like you're mindful of that, but, heads up

V:

The midwayer concept is ringing alarm bells between "Magic White People From Outer Space" to "Eugenics"

Innkeeper:

^

The idea of a liminal concept, something that exists in between those two states, I feel that holds water

The idea of literally everything else is uh

Worrisome at best

Me:

I'll add more in a sec but y'all right

Me (later):

To be clear, I was raised on the Urantia Book and am now moving away from it. For reasons mentioned above, among others.

It does come very close to "magic white people from outer space" and definitely is like "eugenics is a good idea but no one is qualified to direct it".

Me (replying to A):

Adding on, yes, but it's like... Fix-it fic. There's this spirit prince for the world who rebelled with Lucifer (who was like... a local administrator, not a god or angel), but when he arrived they like... called 100 natives [of Earth], cloned them with power-ups, and put people from other worlds like ours into the bodies who served as the prince's staff in the task of cultivating culture. Those staff, through essentially spiritual sex, created the first midwayers. After rebellion, the staff split and the ones who stay loyal to the prince are called nephilim and start a line of (acknowledged in the text) big ol' nasty racial supremacists. They're also called Nodites (c.f. "Land of Nod")

Later, Adam and Eve show up to "upstep" human evolution (disease resistance, humor, art... yeah, magic white people) but because the prince rebelled and shit's fucked, they're having a hard time. Eve bangs a local tribe leader to get an alliance and fucks everything up (that results in Cain. Able is Adam and Eve's next kid). So now should-be-immortal Adam and Eve only have a few hundred years to live and their (already many) kids get the choice to leave and most of them do.

A while later, their first son, Adamson, goes off to start a new cultural center, meets a woman named Rata who "claims" to be the last pure-line Nodite. [They] have a bunch of kids, every 4th of which is invisible(???), and they make those kids get together (yikes!) and that's where the secondary midwayers come from.

And it lampshades all this like "many things in the spiritual development of a world are hard to understand." Uh, yeah! History is weird, sure, but as it's fan fic, it's creepy.

A:

So, I'm saying this with all the love in my heart, but you can only portray things as fiction which are not intended to be believed.

That's not a fanfiction, that's a religious text. That is a religious text with a fully realized theology and metaphysics, complete with creation story. I think it is harmful to approach it as anything else, or as a "generic" metaphysical practice. (Relatedly, there is no such thing as "generic witchcraft," which is a main point of this history of the occult book club).

Doing a little bit more research, it's a religious text associated loosely with the Urantia Foundation and written in 1955. I'm not seeing any indication at the moment that there's a formal power structure associated with the movement, which lessens the chance for cult behavior.

What I will suggest to you is that you need to approach this work like you would any other religious text. Set aside questions of whether the text is "accurate" or "true." If you are honestly interested in the metaphysical, you should be able to separate empirical reality and history for the metaphysical. If you can't do that, take five steps back in your practice and come back once you can.

So, setting aside questions of truth, does this cosmology reflect the things you believe about the world? Does it encourage a way of thinking about people that you think is good, virtuous, honorable, etc? Can this text be used to uphold values that you hold, or do the natural extensions of this text lead to certain conclusions? Are those conclusions harmful?

For instance, I believe that eugenics is totally and morally abhorrent, and that there is fundamentally "no such thing" as a person who could pull it off "correctly." There's no way to do eugenics "right," just like I believe there is no morally correct way to, I don't know, punch a baby.

As such, even your acknowledgment that the text accepts eugenics makes it worthy of rejection in my mind.

Maybe you are interested and capable of doing the apologetics to make this into a compassionate religious movement. I don't know. I am not interested in doing that. But I do not think you can "move away" from this text, in the same way that you cannot "move away" from the bible, only from interpretations of it.

At some point, you have to believe in a basic assumption. If there's something that "feels right," there's only so far you can push it without that basic assumption.

If you think there is a separation between mind, body, and Spirit, wonderful. I would recommend you find another text and another basic set of assumptions. For instance, one that doesn't involve angels making angel-possesed magic native people for the point of preparing the world for the "good races."

Me:

Yes, you've got it right. Except that my interpretation has moved from "I think this book is what it claims" to "I think this was (probably well-intentioned, but still) a hoax perpetrated by ex-Seventh-Day Adventists". But for whatever good intentions may've been involved, the fact that it's intended to be believed makes it very harmful. I talked about it today as a way of saying "wow, look at this crazy shit" and talking through the changes involved in my different interpretation / loss of faith.

I don't believe in midwayers anymore and don't know what to believe, I'm trying to do the work, as you say, of finding what parts are good and what's harmful, comparing with empirical stuff, etc. But, however ready I may've been to walk away from the Urantia Book, it's still a process of recognizing what ideas I have based on it and examining them in turn to see what's salvageable.

Innkeeper:

I think that's an incredibly respectful way to go about it, Toph.

When something is that formative to you as a person, it's rarely as easy as learning it's harmful and then moving on, entirely separated from the source material. There's a long process of digging up every assumption you know you have--and many you don't know you have, or don't have at all--and needing to challenge them in a newer, healthier framework. One of the most potent aspects of the danger of cults is that they're incredibly difficult to challenge that base assumption, and it can take years if not a lifetime to walk a path that steadily heads away from what was taught.

So to acknowledge something formative's deep capacity for danger and harm, and go through the long process of picking it apart piece by piece to ensure you don't retain its harmfulness as you separate from it, I think that's the best possible way to go about something.

[lunarnirvana]

Lavender Moon

TRIGGER WARNINGS:

Please not read if these subjects upset or trigger you in any way. Heavy themes are present in my writing.

Descriptions of abduction, hospital setting, language, Vomiting, mentions of s*icide, non-consensual drug use, seizure, some descriptions involving gore, blood, injury, reader drugged, mentions of LSD and tripping, anxiety symptoms.

Prompt: Nicole’s Alphabet Angst for 8K - Occult

Summery: Reid and Reader are dating when a case involving the occult dredges up turmoil between the happy couple. The case being difficult enough, the resemblance between the Reader and the victims leaves Reid uneasy… (Full summary at bottom of writing so as not to spoil but if you’re worried about the content I’ll always add the full summary at the bottom! Stay safe)

Category: Angst with some fluff sprinkled here and there (Happy ending)

Word count: 7k

Pairing: Spencer Reid x BAU Female Reader

A/N: I hope saying this doesn’t discourage anyone from reading but this is my first imagine! I guess not that I’ve written, just posted. I’m kind of really nervous about putting this out there but why not? Also for future reference I write very intense and real things and I want this to be a safe place for everyone which is why I will try to be as thorough with my trigger warnings as humanly possible but if there is ever anything written that I did not warn you about before the writing I apologize and PLEASE let me know so I can make it a priority to include that warning in the future. Ty and tpwk <3 enjoy 

“No evil ever came from a woman’s womb that wasn’t placed there first by a man.”

― Charles A. Cornell

Her intuition never betrayed her.

It was lodged deep inside her throat, the swell of hesitation like a globule that obstructed any resourceful observations about the crime scene photos. The innate feeling that the case was destined for calamity. Y/N didn’t let the gravity of her work weigh on her mental state until she was in the comfort of her confides where she could lick her psychological scars in peace.

The entire BAU regarded their unspoken directive was to bottle any reaction to the happenstances of the case with little exception. As they congregated at the round table they’d bind their biases against their eyes with the blindfolds they used to avoid looking at the bodies for too long. If you stared for too long into those gaping gashes, the blackness of the cavernous body would consume you completely. This is what they all knew to be true and so they pursued beasts with scar tissue forming over their minds and volatile hands with stoic accuracy.

This accuracy was entirely derivative of their abilities to detach from the emotional aspects of the case.

Garcia was the exception to this jurisdiction, her back turned against the horrific gore on the screen yet she described the carnage as if she were looking at it. She threw in some embellishments and innuendos for certain aspects that were too nauseating to repeat.

“We’ve got a local case today. Linda Jefferson and Kayla Burnen were the first two victims of what local PD wrote off as a suicide pact at first,” Garcia explained, “After further inspection, though, they discovered an incredibly high, nearly lethal dosage of LSD in their blood.”

Reid spoke up beside her when he noticed something in the tox-analysis results, startling Y/N slightly, “It's not synthesized in the same manner, though. There are certain proteins missing that would make this particular substance would ensure an emergence phenomenon would happen regardless of the environment.”

He let his hand fall into his lap so his girlfriend could trace figure eights in his palm with the tip of her finger in some apologetic gesture for the trivial fright as he chided. They’d been together for a year now so he understood what comforted her and what didn’t.

“So you’re saying they took bad acid? Growing up in my generation I can vouch that I never felt compelled to shoot someone under the influence,” Rossi chuckled at his own shortcomings and garnered amusement from the team.

“Actually, I believe this particular form of LSD was tampered with to cause a bad trip. You’d either have to be an idiot to make LSD this way or…” Reid drifted off, letting someone else conclude what was already obvious to him.

“You’d have to do it on purpose. You can’t mess up that bad and it not be intentional,” Emily agreed, bobbing her head back and forth while the raven locks framing her elongated facade veiled around her expression.

“A few days after those two were found,” She flipped the slide, “Beth Myers and Lola Sanchez were found in the same area with the same exact M.O. No correlations to the first two victims or to each other.”

Reid felt the way Y/N’s finger swirled against his palm and traced the creases in his skin before flipping his hand over so she could run her soft touch across his veins and phalanges. She found his hands fascinating suddenly, more fascinating than the case. When Garcia flipped to the picture of the victims he felt a sudden pressure as Y/N locked her grip around his hand. She squeezed it for reassurance as the smiling women stared at them through the screen.

“The victims had blood-let themselves, were covered in melted wax from candles, were placed in white nightgowns, and were forced to finish one another off by stabbing each other in the chests,” Garcia winced as she recited the details.

Y/H/C, the texture of their hair, and resemblance with her was the aligning factor between the four and it made Y/N’s chest wrench at the thought of being drugged with such petrifying euphoric paranoia. She could tell her boyfriend noticed her reaction but didn’t bother to meet his concerned gaze. He just stared down at her avoidance in yearning for some communication although he rarely gave her that courtesy himself. He could tell she held reservations about the case, especially when they realized the unsub was following ritualistic patterns and protocols, the occultism sprinkled through the murders like decoration.

Reid never took holding her hand for granted but in this instance he swore he heard bones cracking. Y/N was comforted by the gesture but realized she was hurting him when she felt him begin to crumble under the pain beside her. She turned to him quickly and released her vice-grip.

“Sorry, sorry,” She whispered toward him, not wanting to disturb the briefing.

“Its fine, hun, but what’s wrong?” He pressed.

She shrugged and slouched back into her chair, sinking into the seat as if it would express her silence. She told herself it was just anxiety and eventually convinced herself it was her own self doubt causing her to have such a guttural feeling. She watched the clock for the rest of her shift before gathering her personal effects from the surface of her desk, sweeping the items into her bag. Reid watched her maneuver rather quickly to get her things together. Expecting her to wait for him like always, he bent down to grab his satchel but when he arose she was halfway to the elevators, shuffling through interns and her coworkers to leave.

He followed her down to the lobby before bringing it up.

“I can tell when something’s wrong with you, love. What is it?” His hand had fallen to the small of her back as they walked out of the east entrance together.

“It just freaks me out sometimes, you know? The whole occultism thing,” Her voice was suddenly softer than he remembered.

Typically, this disquieted nature was portrayed by him but she remained unnerved the entire walk down. Something churned in her stomach and converted her into a placid arrangement of unease. Y/N despised the corruption of any establishment but this particular subject hit her square in the chest.

He smiled down to her while they approached the rugged vehicle parked on the far end of the lot. “Occult-related homicides are a statistical anomaly. They’re highly uncommon, Y/N/N, you have nothing to be afraid of.”

She nodded as she pulled the keys to her car out and passed them to him, “Can you drive?”

“Of course but only if I can pick the playlist,” He smirked, snatching the jangling keyring from where it swang on her index finger.

“No way in hell,” She giggled, “I am not listening to Bach the whole way home.”

She slipped into her seat and immediately her leg began to bounce with disarm. She tried to steady it herself as she watched Reid bend down to face her before getting in.

“I was gonna put on Brahms for your information,” His slender body folded into the front seat and he turned the key over in the ignition. Noticing her shaking leg, he reached his arm across the center console to rest on her knee as he began pulling out. It soothed under his touch and he smirked knowing exactly how to ease her even with the slightest gestures.

The base of the lamp was a wicker configuration and it flooded the room with brilliant fiery luminescence, the walls suddenly painted a pastel yellow from the warm lighting emitted from their bedside table. Along with that, illuminating the neglected contours of the room were a few white candles that burned on Y/N’s wooden bureau. Wax congregated at the foot of the tall towers of flame and spilled over the sides of the candle holder onto the wood.

The encapsulating smell of Nag Champa incense shrouded the room blending with the wafting smoke streaming from the ember-littered sage Reid’s eclectic bedmate’s hands. Y/N watched the silver scarf dance above the end of the dried bundle as it swirled around the room. Her eyes followed the smoke, eyelashes veiling her sight giving her a dark allure that Reid couldn’t keep his eyes off of.

He didn’t mind that she liked to indulge in the holistic benefits of burning herbs or the countless books she had on witchcraft and the occult. He found it charming. Although he knew when she was upset she’d do these “cleansing rituals” which really did nothing more than make their room smell like a Grateful Dead concert. She never was discomforted by the fact the unsub was utilizing occultist beliefs, she was upset at the perversion of her practice.

Of course, he was sworn to secrecy against telling the team about her hobby. She knew she’d be teased into oblivion for such an unorthodox collection of semi-precious stone, herbs, and essential oils that she claimed assisted trivial offenses. That was the aspect of her avocation Reid disagreed with.

They’d debated about it before but both were keen on their bias and so they agreed to leave the subject as an unspoken rift and move forward. Reid still found the smell of the incense suffocating especially when his migraines trickled in. She’d slip rosemary and peppermint into his tea to help his chronic condition but whenever he would catch the taste he’d beg her not to use her ‘pseudoscience’s instruction’ on him. Each time they’d get into an argument about it but eventually it’d fizzle out in sniffing apologies and fond interactions generally ensued.

“You’re really going to town on the bad juju tonight, huh?” He spoke up from behind his book. It was always strange to hear his shift in nomenclature when he left work, his vocabulary becoming relaxed and casual. He practically bathed in her relaxing aura. He would describe her the same way she describes the effects of lavender when she tried to spray some on his pillow to help him sleep.

He told her he didn’t need it as long as she was sleeping next to him and that was the first night they shared a bed. He hadn’t left her apartment since.

“I have a bad feeling about this case, Spence. I’d like to clear the negative energy from the room,” She said, waving the burning bundle of dried sage around the bed.

“The creepy ass painting you bought from the farmer’s market is still on the wall so I don’t think it’s working,” Reid laughed. She shot him a small warning glare that resulted in the two of them collapsing into hysterics.

She plopped on the bed, clutching her stomach from laughing with him as the tightening delight in her stomach began to burn. Reid was cackling, trying to make out the words, “You looked like a disgruntled care bear.” She felt relief from the laughter when his hand coiled around her waist and tucked her against his chest for safe keeping. She felt his soft lips quiet his dissipating chuckles as they pressed against her forehead.

The sage was smouldering against an abalone shell beside the bed and Reid let Y/N burn the candles throughout the night despite his heedings that it was a fire hazard. It seemed to bring serenity to her and that’s all he was concerned with.

They remained entangled like chains in a jewelry box, Reid soon enveloping her in his grasp completely. He worried that the victims looked too similar to her as he struggled to fall asleep beside her but eventually, the rhythmic movement of her breathing against him brought him enough poise to sleep.

The case dragged out across a couple of weeks stretching resources and mindsets across the vast expanse of interrogation and interviews. They sharpened the victimology down to a finite point to dig into the unsub’s plans and wrench him away from his potential choices. They were delivering the profile to the police department when Y/N noticed Reid’s hand was now tightly gripping hers instead of their usual routine.

He held their hands behind them so the crowd wouldn’t see the unprofessionalism. As each new victim was discovered resembling the woman he woke up to every morning he began feeling that same tension she’d expressed. Now, as he heard the profile, it brought an agitation to his stomach. His grip was tight and unwavering and unlike hers it didn’t shake at all. It was like he was afraid if he let her go, the unsub would be lying in wait behind them to snatch her away.

“We believe he’s a male caucasian driving a blue Ford Crown Victoria which he uses to abduct the women,” Rossi began.

“His victims are aged twenty three to twenty eight and we think he’s in the same age bracket,” Hotch continued as the soft sound of scribbling followed.

“Combining that with the fact he can synthesize LSD into a more aggressive formula suggests we’re dealing with a highly intelligent unsub with an extensive knowledge in chemistry,” Reid said monotonously despite his conflict.

“This isn’t surprising. Psychopaths often have above average intelligence. Coupled that with trauma relating to a religious mother figure who was abusive in some respect. Either his biological mother or a foster parent,” JJ nodded through her portion, her dark ocean eyes striking every gaze in motherly vivacity.

Y/N sat up, “For some reason this unsub will not engage in the killing himself. He watches the two victims kill one another under the influence of drugs and instructs them on how to mutilate one another,” she suddenly felt Reid’s hand leave hers but remained focused on the expectant faces of the precinct, “His M.O. is consistent with occult sacrifices. It's a form of homicidal voyeurism that could represent his own impotency or may be a forensic countermeasure.”

Reid lurched forward, pushing himself off of the edge of the desk and excused himself politely as he walked back toward the bathrooms. Y/N turned over her shoulder to look, her eyebrows wrought with concern but Emily’s modulated voice leashed her back into delivering the profile.

“He’s been consistently choosing his victims to coincide with the seven deadly sins. First greed where the first two victims were taken from a casino then lust. The third and fourth victims were in an online BDSM chatting room when they were lured into a threesome with the unsub where he killed them. Because of this consistency in his signature, we’ve predicted his next choice is going to be Envy,” Emily explained.

“His target location is going to be an underground swingers club. Our team and some members of the force will be undercover as security for the club. You’re looking for anyone who might complain that they’ve been roofied or look for women who seem overly intoxicated,” Morgan informed.

Y/N leaned back into the table behind her while she quickly spoke, trying desperately to rush through the profile to check on her boyfriend, “So far he’s been following the major astrological events happening in the past month. Tomorrow night is a Harvest Moon and a partial solar eclipse which fits his preference. Excuse me.”

As soon as the sentence ended she was following Reid to the bathroom. She turned behind her to see the crowd still mesmerized by the team as they briefed them and took the opportunity to slip inside unnoticed. She knew Hotch and Morgan would pester the two of them about it later but she couldn’t help it. She saw the way his face shifted to a paled green hue and how he gripped his stomach as he pushed the swinging door open.

Her suspicions were confirmed when she saw his oxfords poking out of the stall and the sound of retching echoed in the bathroom. Y/N ran beside him and rubbed circles into his back, feeling tears well at her waterline and threaten to spill over. She blinked them away quickly to not upset him any more. Guilt wracked her chest.

“Shh, shh, it’s ok,” She soothed and crouched beside him in the stall so that she could rest her head on his shoulder blade. She watched her hand slide across the woven knit of his cardigan, smoothing the fibers down and continued to try and calm him. She could feel him sobbing dryly, his back arching with each heave. Eventually he felt it was safe to lean back against the far wall of the stall and face her.

The skin around his eyes puckered with irritation, shining with the tears that slipped from the corners. He closed them tightly, wrinkling his face in an agonized expression while Y/N leaned forward. She rested her hands on his knees that were awkwardly sprawled in different directions in the small confides of the stall. She sat between them, tucked into herself so as to not take up too much room.

“Talk to me, Spencer,” she pleaded.

He actually decided to, exhausted by the weight of the bodies that piled in the morgue and his quivering stomach. “I’m worried about you being on this case. I don’t want you to get,” he gagged on the rest of the sentence and vomited into the porcelain bowl again.

“Baby, please stop worrying about it so much,” she was begging now as tears began to haphazardly fall onto his back. He sat up at the sensation and resumed his previous position.

His horse voice came forward now as he tried to swallow the mucus that lined his throat now. “Promise me you won’t leave my side until this case is over, okay? Until the unsub is in custody,” He asked her through his darkly adorned eyes.

“I promise,” She assured and it brought a relief to his nausea, “I have mouthwash and ginger gum in my bag. I’m gonna text Morgan to come bring me it—“

“I can walk, honey. If you tell Morgan he’ll call me something like barf boy for a week,” he chuckled and began to sit up. His legs wobbled beneath him slightly but he caught himself on her shoulders. She gripped his elbows tightly.

“You’re dehydrated, come here,” She lead him to the sink where he could wash up and rinse the taste of bile from his tongue.

Pulsating basslines berated Reid’s chest making him feel like he was choking on the loud music. He despised clubs like these dipped in technicolor animosity and relishing in the electronic stimulation the club reverberated. Each member was stationed at certain points of the room such as beside exits, the landings of stairwells, and an agent at each corner. Y/N was beside the bar vehemently watching each drink poured and handed out, ensuring no hands slipped tabs into the liquor.

Hotch’s instruction was patched in through their earpieces.

“Blonde hair, black button up in the west corner of the bar by you, Y/L/N,” Reid heard and immediately his gaze shot toward her.

She was alerted and her sight honed in on the suspect. He was analyzing the body language of the woman before him who held similar semblance to Y/N. He waited patiently for her to let her guard down and look away from her drink and he was charming her into doing it.

The girl threw her head back in laughter and he saw his opportunity presented before him. Y/N watched his meticulous hands slip a small white tablet into the amber liquid of the girl’s glass. It dissolved into a discreet poison, lacing her glass with LSD.

Then he looked at Y/N and she felt his taunting stare desecrate her sanctity. She didn’t express it, though, her stoicism making him come to the conclusion she was a cop. His eyes widened and he grabbed the startled hands of the two women beside him, one seemingly more intoxicated than the other.

“Suspect is on the move with two friendlies, agent in pursuit.” Y/N’s voice was patched through and Reid watched her bolt after the unsub as she unholstered her gun.

“Wait,” he said through the earpiece, “Y/N, wait!”

She proceeded despite his protest and chased the unsub out of the building where he began loading the girls into his car. They obeyed, the trip settling in for at least one of them. He held a gun to the sober one’s back but Y/N in a flurry of indecision charged at the unsub.

“FBI! Stop or I’ll shoot!” She warned.

He drew his gun toward her but she shot his shoulder clean making his gun fly out of his hand. The man cried out, one hand falling on the gushing wound but he closed the door before the sober woman could get in, trapping her counterpart inside. He staggered toward the driver side and ducked into the car as she began to aim her gun at him again, threatening another offense.

Y/N reached out and pulled the girl from the skidding tires as he sped off before she could even process that the other girl was trapped inside. Once she did she began trying to shoot his tires out but to no avail. The girl was sobbing in her arms now, her tears bleeding through Y/N’s shirt that peaked out from above her Kevlar.

“You’re safe now, it’s okay,” she assured, “You’ve been drugged you need to be taken to a hospital,” Y/N said and almost as if on cue, Morgan could be heard behind her calling for a bus.

JJ came and took the sniffling victim from Y/N’s care allowing Reid to grab her shoulders and spin her around to face him. He inspected her facade for any damage but she brushed him off.

“I’m fine, Spence, but the other girl. We have to find her,” She grabbed his arm as he grabbed hers and they interlocked their forearms to reinforce some affection.

“You need to stop chasing after suspects with no backup. You’re being reckless and I’m taking you home, Y/N/N.” His voice was stern and she didn’t bother protesting from the way he looked at her.

Reid was fuming on the car ride home, the whites of his knuckles highlighted even in the darkness as he gripped the steering wheel. Y/N was curled against the passenger side door, wrapped in his sweater that she pulled taught around her frame.

“Can we please not fight when we get home?” He asked suddenly, voice breaking through the silence of the car, “I don’t want you to argue with me to go back into the field. This entire case has been so draining I just need you to understand seeing you do stuff like that— it kills me.”

“I know, Spence. Are you getting a headache?” She noticed him wince as someone passed with their high beams blazing. He groaned at the exposure, pinching the bridge of his nose and nodded.

She decided to make him some tea when they got home. Preparing the mug in the kitchen, she seeped the jasmine leaves and reached inside the cupboard for the mason jars she had filled with various dried herbs. Making the tea kept her mind occupied from the disrupting guilt she reserved for not saving the other girl. It was a guilt that clamped her arteries and made even the simplest tasks seem harrowing.

She put a pinch of dried rosemary and a drop or two of peppermint extract, stirring it in with some sugar. The sound of the metal spoon scraping the bottom of the glass brought her attention back to her task.

Her fingers coiled around the warm ceramic mug and she walked it carefully into the living room where Reid laid on the couch with a pillow pulled over his eyes. She took the hint and dimmed the lights but as she set down his tea he could already smell the additives.

Coupled with the headache, he’d never become genuinely upset over her affinity for the occult until now. He sat up with exasperation and picked it up, sniffing the steam to confirm his suspicions.

“Y/N, seriously?” He asked and looked up to her but his own voice made a piercing impact on his head.

“Seriously what?” She repeated defensively.

“You know what. I honestly can’t believe you. Especially after the case we just had,” he shook his head, laying back down.

“So you’re not even gonna drink it?” She asked, her face falling to an annoyed deadpan although he couldn’t see it.

“Jesus. No. I’m not. Can you just leave me alone for right now?” He asked finally.

A twinge of hurt stabbed her chest at the request and she took the mug as he pulled the pillow back over his face. In the darkness, he could see her pained expression etched into his vision. The shuffling in their bedroom intrigued him as well and he began to realize what he’d said. It blurred the agonizing migraine and caused him to sit up only moments later to apologize.

As he stared at the empty room he was startled by the sudden creek of their door from behind him. Looking over his shoulder, he only caught the tail end of her jacket as she walked out. A raucous slam followed making him wince at the sound.

I really screwed up.

Reid pushed through the shroud of pain emanating from the fluorescence of the room, reaching forward for his own coat. A ripping agony followed and he doubled over, burying his face in his palms so he wasn’t staring at the light. A groan tore through the empty apartment as he tried to rub the headache away so he could chase after her.

Following Y/N proved to be farcical in his condition and he leaned against the couch in defeat, praying she’d just step outside for some fresh air.

Y/N stomped down the street with a quivering chin like a small child, sobs tearing through any muscle or fiber holding the sound in. People on the street avoided her state awkwardly, their gazes falling to the concrete when she’d pass. Humiliation was wrought in her mannerisms but she didn’t care. He told her to leave him alone over tea. She knew his migraines were the culprit but she couldn’t stay cooped up inside. There was a girl being tortured somewhere and she was sitting at home making tea with her boyfriend? There was something unfair to her about the situation.

She heard her phone trill a few times but ignored the noise, fleeing toward a local park down the street. She decidedly plopped down in the jagged blades of grass, kicking the shoes she threw on to the side so that she could feel the ground beneath her. She wanted to be as close to the ground as humanly possible to calm herself.

Every time she’d begin to soothe her cries her phone would ring bringing another wave of distraught. Through her tears, the world was a blur of velvet indigos distrusted suddenly by a dark shadow looming over her. She gasped in reaction but that’s all he gave her time to do before she felt his hand grab her head and pull her up by her jaw, his large gloved hands covering her entire face.

His fingers were sprawled apart so she could see herself being dragged away. Something bitter slipped onto her tongue and she tried to spit it out but the unsub locked her jaw shut to force the drug to work through her system. She tried to scream but with each muffled shrill he’d tighten his grip. Her teeth involuntarily grit against each other from the force and she screamed against her lips for help.

Y/N thrashed around as much as she could before she felt a pinprick in her right arm. Then the world shifted to a darker blue until her vision was gone completely.

Waking up in a wooded field sanctioned off from society’s wandering earshot, she felt the zip tie’s digging into her ankles and wrists. The skin had swelled around the bindings, causing excruciating pain whenever she’d move. She could feel her lip bleeding from being split by someone’s fists. Suddenly, a face fell before hers and began to cut the zip ties. Why was he cutting her loose?

“Good morning, sleepy head. You… you really messed my night up, you know that?” The man asked, his hand falling to her cheek.

Instead of skin she felt the smooth sensation of latex against her. The medicinal smell filled her nostrils and she closed her eyes, pretending she was in the hospital with Spencer there instead of him.

“How…” she found it harder to speak than normal, “How did I do that?”

“Clara. I had Clara picked out. She was the perfect one but you were jealous of her. You wanted me all to yourself. Envy is a sin,” his words were venomous.

He couldn’t have been much older than her, sand colored locks that fell in soft tufts around his face. He looked like a renaissance painting with a wicked possession, his blue eyes complimented by the crimson of his bloodshot waterline. When he smirked at her his face shifted from an archangel to that of a demon, waiting to consume her whole.

Then, she noticed the shifting movement beside her. The other victim was tied up beside her and groaned as she awoke. In the darkness even, Y/N could see the girl’s pupils were dilated. She suddenly began screaming and thrashing around violently, kicking at the open air as if there were a second offender in front of her.

“Hey, hey! It’s okay, there’s nothing there!” Y/N tried but the girl couldn’t hear her, only the muffled calls of her hallucinations.

“Darcy, I need you to shut the fuck up sweetie,” the unsub grimaced.

She quieted down almost immediately but still shook in fear at whatever she was seeing before her.

Y/N turned back to the man in front of her, “Let her go. You don’t want her, you want me.”

“On the contrary, I want both of you,” he seemed coherent enough but was still clearly suffering a psychotic break. Psychopaths usually hid those breaks well.

“Why?” Y/N’s gaze suddenly shot straight through his, “You’re afraid if you touch us you’ll be infected with our sin?”

She made a move to spit in his face and he jumped back, yelling and wiping his face harshly with his sleeve. “You filthy bitch! My father will love you,” a smile etched across his face.

“Your father? Where’s your father?” She looked around for a partner but no one could be seen.

“The destroyer of souls of men. He bears the torch, the herald of dawn,” He spoke in his cryptic tongue but Y/N remembered Reid reciting certain portions of the Bible and poetry regarding Lucifer.

“Your father is the devil, right? Lucifer?” She asked.

He suddenly slapped her, the latex making the blow sting that much worse. Blood trickled from her teeth down her hanging lip but she sat back up despite the pain.

“My mom used to bathe me in bleach. She cleansed me of my sins. She’d scrub the chemicals into my back and say ‘Your daddy’s the devil.’” He seemed to find some inner turmoil with his logic but continued to quote his mother in a southern accent, “‘Your daddy is satan and you were born into this world as an abomination.’”

The M.O. and signature began to align with his claims, a severe case of germaphobia which rendered him unable to carry out the murders himself. He lets his victims do it for him.

As he spoke she watched his face begin to shift and swirl into a much eviler expression. His lips coiled into a smile, his eyes narrowing into black slits and his nose sunk into his skull. He began taking the form of a horrifying wraith, horns practically splintering out of his forehead. The trees began to sway and dance despite the lack of wind and the stars in the sky melted into glowing stalagmites that threatened her toward the ground.

Everything began to distort and she felt herself descend into horror. The acid was taking effect and as the girl’s blood curdling shrieks erupted beside her she began to put her head between her knees and sob. He rubbed her hair, sighing.

“Even the warriors must crumble. You’ll bow to my god,” he stood and suddenly tangled a fistful of hair into his hands, yanking her up along with Darcy.

Shrieking as the pain visualized before her in petrifying hallucinations she was positioned before the screaming girl. The unsub instructed Darcy to take the dagger from his hand and stab Y/N. She refused, shaking her head.

“It’s ok,” Y/N assured even as the trip progressed, “It’s ok. Just do what he says, I promise it’s ok.”

Darcy bawled as she hesitantly took the dagger. She walked toward Y/N and slowly drove the knife right beside her hip bone. She groaned, her hand falling forward onto Darcy’s shoulder. “Fuck,” she moaned as the squelching sound echoed through her head.

She keeled over the agony, wrapping her arms around herself. It was harrowing to have to pressurize a wound on oneself she found. Even the slightest touch against her cut felt like she was being stabbed repeatedly. She felt the cool tip of the Unsub’s gun push her up by her shoulder. That was when she realized only one of his hands were in use. The other one was still inflicted with the gunshot she fired. If she weren’t so high she would have used that to her advantage.

With the pain came even more disillusionment. She looked down at her palms and suddenly a bloodied dagger was grasped in them. “No, no, no,” she whispered.

Darcy pleaded for Y/N not to stab her and the agent had no intention of carrying out the Unsub’s fantasy.

“Kill me yourself you coward,” she spat, “I’m not hurting her.”

“I didn’t think you’d be persuaded that easily,” suddenly a gunshot cracked through the soundscape. It rang in Y/N’s ears causing her to buckle over in pain. Nothing seemed real. Her chest felt like it would tear open at any second, freeing her palpitating heart from it’s confides.

She watched the girl’s body fall limply before her and screamed out, racing to her side. The more she looked at the corpse the worse the gore progressed. Eventually, she was staring at a demon.

“FBI! Kye Alderwood, put your hands up!” Reid’s booming voice came from across the field. When she turned to look at him, though, he wasn’t himself.

He was taller, probably eight feet tall, and his body was stretched and elongated into a bony configuration. His face twisted and melted into a horrifying facade and he charged at her. His hands were giant daggers waiting to rip into her. She didn’t see the unsub aim his gun toward her but heard another shot fired. Suddenly, another demonic corpse laid beside her.

She couldn’t fathom grabbing the gun from the unsub’s vapid hands but there she was snatching the glock from the grass it was enveloped in. She didn’t comprehend that her boyfriend was in front of her. What she was seeing was a nightmare unfolding before her. The delusions were real. It was all real.

Reid stumbled back when he saw the gun pointed at him. He thought it was a mistake but when he saw her eyes he knew she wasn’t seeing him. Her paranoia was evident as she hyperventilated and her entire frame trembled, barely able to stand. Swaying back and forth and she wept he felt himself grow sick at the sight.

“Y/N! Put the gun down, honey, it’s just me,” he pleaded.

A sob broke through her voice, “Get away from me!”

“It’s Spencer, baby,” Now he was crying, terrified she’d pull the trigger. In any other circumstance this situation would have diffused by now but the LSD in her system turned her completely hysterical.

“Leave me alone!” The words being reflected back to him just wretched his heart further.

He wasn’t even pointing his own weapon at her anymore. He stopped pointing it at her the second he recognized her. Now it was pointed askew, the barrel facing the grass beside him. Neither of them could have aimed a gun at one another in the right mindset where she didn’t reside for the time being.

Seemingly, her psychosis seemed to penetrate any affection they shared. Beads of sweat formed on her skin as she held the gun steadily toward his frame. He knew if she shot him it’d be a kill shot. She had the best aim on the team.

“Please, baby, I love you so much. Just put the gun down I won’t hurt you,” Reid persisted through it as he heard reinforcements file in behind him. He spun around, waving Morgan, Hotch, and Emily away.

“Don’t come any closer! She’s drugged, she can’t help it and I swear to God if you shoot her I’ll resign!” He warned the other agents who heeded his warning despite the alarming display before them. They still kept their guns aimed at their teammate in allegiance to the judicial implications.

Y/N’s trip began to peak, the world around her becoming unrecognizable in the heap of apparitions that surrounded her. She screamed as misshapen, flesh colored bats charged down at her, flying toward her and swatted them away.

Reid watched her pushing and swatting away imaginary attackers and took the opportunity to run toward her. She screamed and thrashed around in his arms, clawing his skin and kicking at his legs behind her.

Everything looked like bloody flesh. Every blade of grass felt like rusty nails driven through her feet. She felt like she was coiled in the death grip of an anaconda.

“Stop! Stop! You’re gonna hurt yourself!” He tightened his grip on her and used one leg to pin both of hers against his other one. She was completely entangled in him again and the familiarity of his cologne instantly calmed her, he thought. As fell completely limp, relief deluged his psyche only to be matched with her sudden convulsions.

She slipped into a violent seizure, shaking and jarring her body as he lowered her onto the ground and to her side. Hotch and Emily fell beside him and he watched blood seep from her nose and mix with the medley of blood on her lips. He was whimpering as he tried to relax her muscles and barking orders to the others surrounding him. Eventually, her shaking form was taken by the EMTS who were already on the scene. He stood in the wake of the scene, bodies strewn about him wondering what she saw him as that terrified her so.

She was treated for an overdose in the hospital and as Reid entered her room he saw her small figure curled up on the hospital bed. He felt his heart shatter for the hundredth time that night as he floated toward her like a ghost. Placing his hand on her arm, she jumped suddenly startling him as well. He didn’t expect her to be awake so soon. if

“Jesus,” he breathed out, clutching his chest.

She flipped over to face him and couldn’t help but smile at his reaction. “Dork,” she said hoarsely. The way her inflection cracked made him frown in response.

“I don’t even,” he struggled to find the right words, “I’m so sorry.”

“You’re sorry? I tried to kill you, Spencer,” she began to recollect the happenstances, “I could have killed you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I know it’s going to be hard for us to get back to normal.”

“You had ten times a normal recreational dose of LSD in your system. That wasn’t you,” he assured.

She nodded softly and scooted back, patting the vacant place beside her on the hospital bed.

“I can’t. I don’t want to hurt you,” as the sentence stumbled out of his mouth he couldn’t help but start crying again.

He was surprised he didn’t bawl himself into dehydration on the way to the hospital. She reached up and grabbed his wrist, leading him down to her where he crawled beside her.

Cupping his face in her hands she felt the sticky coagulation of tears that caked his face. Pulling him toward her, their lips locked and worked against one another before completely enveloping one another in devotion.

Pulling away she caught his glassy irises with hers, “You could never hurt me. Not really,” she replied.

“But I did. I told you to leave me alone and you left and had to go through…” he decided not to bring up the trauma.

She couldn’t remember the trip itself, only what she did during it. He didn’t want to bring it up and trigger an acid flashback.

“I left because I was hurt, yeah, but you didn’t hurt me. I felt so guilty about leaving Clara with the unsub that I thought making you that tea would help me feel better. We should have just stayed in the field, maybe we could have caught him before he killed anyone,” she sighed.

Reid nodded and kissed the tip of her nose, then her forehead, then peppered the rest of her face with the same affection.

She ran her fingers over the skin on his arm and felt raised scar tissue in her wake. Looking down, bruises and scars were freckles across the pale vastness of his arm. She choked back, her hand falling to her lips.

“Did I do this to you?” She asked, her eyes glued to the cuts now.

He craved for her relief so he shook his head. “I don’t remember where I got them but it wasn’t because of you,” He lied. Realistically, she’d clawed and cut his arms until she began seizing. The cocktail of drugs in her system left him a stranger to her while she was high.

She nodded, “I’m so sorry, baby.”

“There’s no way we could have known. I need you to not blame yourself for this because if you do I won’t be able to live with myself. This wasn’t anyone’s fault,” he snaked his arms around her waist carefully, avoiding her bandages.

“I know, I know,” she sighed and nestled into the crook of his neck, “I promise I won’t make you anymore occultist migraine tea.”

He pulled his chin from resting at the top of her head to look at her. He suddenly cupped her cheeks now and made sure she understood.

“Please, never stop making me migraine tea again,” he said before pulling her into a kiss again.

FULL SUMMARY:

Reid and Reader are dating when a case involving the occult dredges up turmoil between the happy couple. The case being difficult enough, the resemblance between the Reader and the victims leaves Reid uneasy. After Reader disrupts the Unsub’s routine she becomes a target. After Reid fights with the Reader because of a migraine, she is taken hostage by unsub and is drugged with LSD and nearly shoots Spencer while tripping.

[seraphjewel]

Little Hope Thoughts: The Clarkes

This post will contain spoilers for Little Hope. Out of courtesy, I am going to put everything under a cut.

I want to put out two disclaimers before I get too far into this. The first is that this is only my interpretation of the story and the characters. I'm not claiming that this is correct or even the only way the events of Little Hope can be understood. Second, I am not familiar with magical practices or pagan beliefs. Again, I'm only basing all of my interpretations on what we're presented within the confines of this game.

I want to first focus on the Clarke family, and specifically the way that they died in the fire. There are five magical elements and each one correlates to a death. The element of earth is represented in the father James, who was crushed to death by the roof falling on him. The element of water is represented in the mother Anne, who died from smoke inhalation while in the bathroom preparing to take a bath. The element of air is represented in the older sister Tanya, whose scarf was caught on the balcony when she tried to jump thus leaving her hanging in the air. The element of fire is represented by the younger sister Megan, who was burned alive. The element of metal is represented by the brother Dennis, who is impaled on metal spikes.

I acknowledge that being hung is only one of two possible ways that Tanya can die. She can also die if she goes back inside the house and is burnt, which does ruin the theory of each Clarke family death correlating with a magical element. But I personally find that death really ridiculous-- why would you go back inside a burning house-- and am going to stick with her hanging death.

We can look at this a step farther with the trophies the player receives when saving each of them. Saving John earns you the “Heavy Burden” trophy, which again ties into the connection with earth. Saving Angela earns you the “We Are of Water” trophy which is probably the most obvious of them. Taylor's trophy is called “Free Spirit” and to me that links her to air. Daniel's trophy is called “Unbroken” which can refer to how metal is strong and difficult to break. Admittedly Mary's trophy, “Forgiveness”, doesn't tie into fire in any obvious way. But when I thought about it more I remembered that sacrifices were made by fire to seek forgiveness of sin.

You may be wondering what any of this has to do with anything. If you collect all of the clues you'll learn that Anthony had taken an interest in the occult and had a book on pagan beliefs with him the night he crashed his bus. You'll also learn that Reverend Leonard Carson (the reverend in the 70's) had an interest in the occult and was charged with teaching the youth. It isn't difficult to conclude that Anthony made the same connection of the deaths of his family that I just did, linking each one to a magical element. One clue points you to a newspaper where they determine it was a child's doll that started the fire. According to the pagan book Anthony was reading before the crash, poppets/dolls were believed to be linked to the person they were fashioned after-- sort of like voodoo dolls. Anthony could have believed that it was because the doll burnt that his younger sister Megan died in the fire.

But wait, there's even more to this! The player learns that whether the characters live or die isn't actually the goal in the story. The idea is to “save” them, and the main four characters (John, Angela, Daniel, Taylor) are saved when they confront their demons and tell the others to leave them behind. Since these four characters exist only in Anthony's mind, we have to then assume he was worried they were all damned and that through the game the player is making decisions to change the characters' attitudes and personality. In the short time we have with the Clarke family, we see that three of the four characters exhibit some behavior that at the time would've been considered sinful or influenced by the Devil. The father was an alcoholic, the sister was into hippy stuff and had some magical items, and the brother was into rock and roll and was in a band. I couldn't see any specific behavior of the mother that would've been considered sinful, which is why I think Angela was “saved” by her being supportive and her and John fighting their demons together at the end. Also her name, Angela, includes the word “angel” which emphasizes Anthony’s perception of her being more innocent than others in his family.

This still leaves saving Mary and Andrew. The way you “save” Mary is exposing Reverend Carver (the reverend in the 17th century) as a practitioner of the occult and getting him taken away. I have a lot of thoughts about Mary/Megan that I'm going to save for another post, but I'll try to condense it a little here. In the 70's we see all the characters (except for Anthony) yelling at her, pushing her away, treating her like a nuisance, or ignoring her. Megan has a piece of dialogue where she says “they blame me for everything”. I can see Anthony perceiving the newspaper pointing at the child's toy as the cause of the fire as yet another person blaming Megan for something. So putting the blame on anyone else would be breaking that cycle.

Andrew was “saved” in my play-through as well, though as of this moment I don't know if it was because I saved Mary or because Vince had Anthony arrested. I know that saving the other four doesn't matter since I hadn't managed to save Taylor in that play-through, which leaves Mary's ending and Vince's ending as the only factors. The interpretation of “saving” him will change depending on which of those factors actually played into his salvation. If he was saved by helping Megan, to me that means he carried the most guilt over her death. In his mind she was probably an innocent child with no perceived sinful influence. Also, he was her older brother and would feel that responsibility to care and look out for her. Not to mention the poppet correlation I mentioned earlier. When you do save Mary and she thanks you, his response is: “But I didn't save you.” You can interpret this literally, as in he was unable to save her in the burning house; you could also interpret this metaphorically, as in he wasn't able to save her from the corrupt reverend. It feels like that moment is him acknowledging this is wishful thinking on his part. I originally interpreted “saving” him by getting him arrested. Anthony has been living with the guilt and trauma of the fire for about forty years and it's possible that while he was judged innocent in the 70's, he never fully accepted that and still blamed himself. When he was arrested in my play-through, he seemed at peace with it. In that way “saving” him is giving him peace about the role he believes he played in his family's deaths, by having it acknowledged and punished, something he no doubt believes is long overdue.

There’s also the achievement of “save Andrew from himself” that you earn if the four characters are killed. Since I earned this by accusing Mary of witchcraft and having the demons kill everyone, I can’t say for sure the factor involved. Was Andrew saved because all of these visions were killed at the house, or would he have been saved no matter how the four were killed? Either way, it’s clear to me that letting the characters die saves him from their ghosts, the parts of them he hasn’t let go of for all these years. He was also arrested in my ending, so he could have been saved from himself in that any reaction to losing his family again was taken out of his hands.

Since this game is focusing on a person's salvation by confronting their demons, either option is valid.

I have more thoughts on other aspects of the game but I wanted to start with this.

[richincolor]

LGBTQ PoC Comics

Queer YA books, especially YA starring queer PoC characters, are my jam -- and comics are no exception. With graphic novels like Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up With Me out in the world, it truly feels like we're in a golden era of queer comics, so if you're looking to get into comics, now's the time! Here's a few comics starring LGBTQ PoC characters to kickstart your journey:

Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up with Me by Mariko Tamaki, Rosemary Valero-O'Connell

Laura Dean, the most popular girl in high school, was Frederica Riley's dream girl: charming, confident, and SO cute. There's just one problem: Laura Dean is maybe not the greatest girlfriend. Reeling from her latest break up, Freddy's best friend, Doodle, introduces her to the Seek-Her, a mysterious medium, who leaves Freddy some cryptic parting words: break up with her. But Laura Dean keeps coming back, and as their relationship spirals further out of her control, Freddy has to wonder if it's really Laura Dean that's the problem. Maybe it's Freddy, who is rapidly losing her friends, including Doodle, who needs her now more than ever. Fortunately for Freddy, there are new friends, and the insight of advice columnists like Anna Vice to help her through being a teenager in love.

Mooncakes by Suzanne Walker, Wendy Xu

A story of love and demons, family and witchcraft. Nova Huang knows more about magic than your average teen witch. She works at her grandmothers' bookshop, where she helps them loan out spell books and investigate any supernatural occurrences in their New England town. One fateful night, she follows reports of a white wolf into the woods, and she comes across the unexpected: her childhood crush, Tam Lang, battling a horse demon in the woods. As a werewolf, Tam has been wandering from place to place for years, unable to call any town home. Pursued by dark forces eager to claim the magic of wolves and out of options, Tam turns to Nova for help. Their latent feelings are rekindled against the backdrop of witchcraft, untested magic, occult rituals, and family ties both new and old in this enchanting tale of self-discovery.

Lumberjanes by Grace Ellis, Noelle Stevenson, and Brooke Allen

FRIENDSHIP TO THE MAX! At Miss Qiunzilla Thiskwin Penniquiqul Thistle Crumpet's camp for hard-core lady-types, things are not what they seem. Three-eyed foxes. Secret caves. Anagrams. Luckily, Jo, April, Mal, Molly, and Ripley are five rad, butt-kicking best pals determined to have an awesome summer together... And they're not gonna let a magical quest or an array of supernatural critters get in their way! The mystery keeps getting bigger, and it all begins here.