#except it probably would have been too dark..especially like. having a character extremely depressed Because he's disabled is a complex

[aroaessidhe]

2022 reads // twitter thread      

The Reckless Kind

YA historical fiction set in Norway 1904

a girl who doesn't want to be married off, but instead live with her best friend and his boyfriend together as outcasts

& they attempt to win the village’s annual horse race to secure enough money to start a new life

disabled characters, queerplatonic found family

[lorei-writes]

Basic Guide on How Not To: Slavic Characters

Well, as most of you have probably realised by now, I’m Polish. Truthfully, I am quite upset now. I generally tend to avoid most content involving Slavic people, because well, stereotypes are plentiful and I have only one stomach - there is only so much anger I can fit inside of it. However, this time I was merrily watching an episode of a series, for goodnight sleep, and got smacked in the face with just that... So, I suppose, let’s use my anger towards something - hopefully - productive. This is a very hard post for me to write. It may be closer to my personal experience, although I did try to be more general.

Contents:

Where Do I Even Begin or Sad Slav Filter

Common Stereotypes - Professions & Jobs

Common Stereotypes - Characteristics

Few basic issues with languages & names

Where Do I Even Begin or Sad Slav Filter

Grey buildings, empty plazas, ominous blocks of flats with walls up to the very sky. Snow. Gloom faces. Dark nights. Red. Gold.

To start with, be aware that this sort of image is oftentimes not only written into stories or presented in picture-based media, but that I had the displeasure of seeing it being used for cover art for several books.

What I jokingly call sad Slav filter is presenting the reality of Eastern Europe* through, well, pessimistic glasses. The architecture speaks of terror, of being post-communist state, of never having recovered. The streets portrayed in such fashion are gloom, unwelcoming, threatening in a way. Winter is oftentimes the season of choice, to add an extra layer of depressive atmosphere and cold. Nobody smiles. One may say that usage of gold and red brightens the image - however, those connect directly to the communist flag, thus locking the entire space in a rather obvious context.

The reality?

Yes, old blocks of flats built in 60s or so still exist. Some are even grey and in dire need of being re-painted! However... Many are not in such a state. In Poland, the common colours for elevation of such buildings are white, pastel orange, pastel yellow and pastel green, oftentimes put together in combination of stripes or other geometric shapes. What also should be noted is that such estates were designed with plenty trees and other plants around them in mind, as to accommodate for a development of a community - especially for older blocks of flats, those are most likely situated nearby a primary school and a kindergarten, not to mention stores and other services. It is not uncommon for playgrounds to be present as well. You could also expect small flower gardens.

Parks exist here. Architecture does not begin and end at the blocks of flats, especially not in the major cities - most, if not all, have old towns or historical representative streets. Buildings dating back to medieval still do exist in plenty of places. Churches & Tserkovs - those are oftentimes tourists sites for a reason! 

It may happen that the side of a building will be decorated with a mural. It is not very common, but does happen. Here are some examples (from Poland). The designs sometimes relate to other works of art, or to some forms of traditional art.

mural by NeSpoon, a street artist who incorporates motives of koronka ludowa [a type of lace] into her artwork

Overall, I come from a poorer region of Poland, from a small town to add to that. The one thing I would list about it? Flower gardens. All of my neighbours had flower gardens in front of their houses. In the recent years, I’ve seen plenty of new houses being built, plenty of renovations being made. Especially in spring and summer, it is all far from grey. Some major cities started investing in fields of wild flowers, as to aid pollinators. And winters? Well, the way it should be (as climate change shows and I have not seen a proper winter in a while), they should be snowy. Yes, it may involve a rather depressing image, at least in places where snow cannot just rest over the ground and glitter... But I do think it may be the case in plenty parts of Europe, as winter days are overall shorter as well, which hardly helps :”) Eastern Europe as a region is not locked in an eternal winter.

People may not be smiling, but they are not frowning either - it is the... Neutral resting face.

*- that being said, Eastern Europe is not inhabited only by Slavic people, even if it is often presented like so

Common Stereotypes - Professions & Jobs

List of common stereotypical jobs/professions usually performed by characters of Slavic descent:

a member of a mafia (Russian mafia)

a drug dealer

a spy

a prostitute

a maid / a cleaner

As you can see, nearly all of those involve crime, the only exception being a maid / a cleaner (which, I’d argue, speaks of a lower socio-economic status). If you do not plan to have more than one Slavic character in your work, I advise you to avoid those - especially if you wanted to make your character Russian. I do not think I have to explain why representing a group of people nearly exclusively as criminals is hurtful. 

Certain stereotypes exist in media. They do influence the reality. I have seen covers of books about spy programs (non-fiction, referencing an issue from 2000s) which involved clear references to communism (+ used the most hideous Sad Slav Filter I have ever seen). The title suggested all Russians are spies. This is not okay.

If you want to have a character who is performing any of the above, and want to make them Slavic, but then never have their heritage influence anything about them - ask yourself why.

EDIT: Do allow me to also add that being a sex-worker may not be a choice for all Slavic women. Sex-trafficking of Eastern Europeans is a real issue. You should be mindful of that when writing a story - even more so as it affects some countries more than others. Research is due.

Common Stereotypes - Characteristics

Common hurtful characteristics in depicting slavic characters:

uneducated or otherwise stupid

rude, loud, uncultured, violent

an alcoholic / addicted to drugs

extremely conservative / religious

Do I have to explain it? Yes, alcoholism is a social issue, same as addiction to drugs. Yes, some people are conservative and / or religious. However! We are not a monolith! Social issues are not the general rule! 

Scale of conservativeness and religiousness also differs greatly by age group and region. In Poland we have an entire category of practising atheists - non-believers, usually from smaller communities, who appear in church once or twice a year, despite not believing. Due to social pressure. What religion? This differs greatly too! Roman catholic, Greek orthodox, Muslim? Slavic people are not a monolith.

(about women specifically):

beautiful (must put plenty effort in her physical appearance)

looks for a rich (western) husband

submissive

obedient 

Well. This ties into the greater issue of objectification and sexualisation of Slavic and Eastern European women. Admittedly, such portrayal [including all of those] is more so present in online spaces, if you turn a few wrong corners down the roads of the internet :) It is dehumanising.

If your Slavic character happens to be a woman and must be extremely sexy femme fatal spy - this reeks of stereotypes.

Few basic issues with languages & names

As I’ve hinted already, it appears that oftentimes Slavic = Russian. This, however, is not true, both language-wise and culture-wise. Despite sharing some common elements, Slavic cultures do differ. Polish characters, unless they are 50+ years old, won’t generally speak Russian. Czech and Ukrainian are different. Ukrainian is not just another version of Russian.

I decided to single out this paragraph for one reason: authors oftentimes do not bother to check for appropriate names and just use whatever seems right. If you want to write a Slavic character, do make some research. 

The common mess-ups I’ve seen:

inappropriate form of the surname (about Russian surnames in particular; giving a woman a male version of the surname, giving a man the female version of the surname - Slavic languages are heavily gendered!)

claiming a character is of nationality B, while giving them a surname which is most definitely speaking of nationality A (e.g: Polish character with a clearly Hungarian name & surname)

wrong spelling

using very rare forms of names for all the characters written into the story (it sounds very unnatural - in one particular case it seemed to have been done on purpose, as I’ve had to google whether some names were even names. They were used as code names for few organisations during WWII. That sort of uncommon).

nicknames derived from the actual names that would not work at all (Żegota -> Zeg; It just would not work like this. It would be literally more likely for a character named Żegota to be nicknamed/renamed Staszek than for somebody to call him Zeg. It does not only not include the ż sound, but it also ends with g - which a Polish person would simplify to k when speaking. In other words Zeg -> zek. This, meanwhile, is not only not exactly pleasant to say, but it also sounds like a grammatical form of another word, albeit pronounced with a heavy lisp - “river”; It is possible to find appropriate nicknames online).

Also, unless you want for some character to be a dick, do not make them purposefully mispronounce the name of a Slavic character or have them name them after an object/thing. (Calling “Maciej” by “Magic” because they can’t be bothered to learn to pronounce the name or at least try to get it close is not nice).

[sofoulandfairaday]

The ultimate How I Met Your Mother Finale rant

I know this has been done before, and I know I'm several years late to the party, but I don't care, so IN THIS ESSAY I WILL tell you about why this finale takes the spot as the second-worst finale in TV show history (because Game of Thrones is still, to this day, unbeatable, and it will probably stay like that forever). 

But first, a little context: I've just finished binge-watching HIMYM. This binge has been going on for three days straight (my final exam of the semester is in a week and I should be studying, so the fact that the last few days were a partial waste of time makes me so mad). Second thing: I already knew how it would end, and yes, kids, it does ruin the show for you. It ruins the show so much it makes your blood boil when you rewatch certain scenes, but I will get to that. 

You might want to make yourself a drink because this is a complete list of all the reasons why HIMYM's finale sucks - I'm warning you, it's gonna be looong.

It completely invalidates the entirety of season 9

This is one of the complaints people most often have with this series, and I have to agree. It would have been so much better if the last two episodes never existed, and they just showed Barney and Robin dancing at the reception after walking out of the chapel, Ted noticing Tracy and then the platform scene. "And that, kids, is the story of how I met your mother". Cut scene. Honestly, I don't get the hate people give to season 9, barring the last 2/3 episodes, especially since season 8 was so much worse (except for a few honourable mentions, like The Robin). S8 was slower, less funny, and less deep, and while the authors took a risk by making s9 happen in the span of a weekend it paid off: they took their time introducing the character of the Mother to the gang and fleshing her out. They make sure to highlight all the little ways in which Ted and Tracy are perfect for each other, and even tie up loose ends, like with the Slapsgiving episode, that was a filler but it wasn't boring to watch (although it may be problematic for different reasons, I'm not Chinese, so I can't say for sure if it's cultural appropriation or just the authors making fun of a particular movie genre). 

Some episodes were arguably great: "Daisy" was amazing, and that whole fight between Marshall and Lily was so realistic and well thought out, "Sunrise" was extremely important for Ted's character development, same goes for Tracy and "How Your Mother Met Me", "Bedtime stories" was impressive, "Rally" was incredibly funny and proved once again what a beautiful character Barney Stinson is, so much so that even Robin never has doubts that he (the guy with the biggest commitment issues on the planet) will bail on her before the wedding, and says to Ted that "he always comes back". Daphne's character is super funny and the right amount of annoying, the shenanigans of the gang are well thought out and all of the characters (not just Barney) complete their arc in this season. The last two/three episodes butcher that.

Marshall and Lily

Marshall and Lily, arguably the world's most solid couple, are the only thing this God-awful finale gets right, especially Marshall, who is my second-favourite character, that finally gets everything he deserves. But what about Lily? They never mention her career after Italy, and I refuse to believe she goes back to being a kindergarten teacher as if her year in Rome meant nothing. I also refuse to think she becomes nothing but a political wife, the equivalent of Zoey, but without saving the world. We know she has three kids, but her postpartum depression is never really talked about much and they definitely had the screentime to delve into it. 

Barney

 Where do I even begin? Barney Stinson is, without a doubt, the best character in this series, the glue of the whole gang. I think the message they were trying to give is that, since his trauma stemmed from the absence of a father figure in his life, he could only truly heal by becoming a father as well. People also say that n°31 had to stay just a number, because who could match up with Barney Stinson? First of all, I call BULSHIT on that last point, because Robin wasn't the only girl Barney could have ended up marrying. I used to think that too, but it's just not true: that is the equivalent of saying that Barney was incapable to truly love a woman and commit to her, even after all the development he got, and that he only got one shot at love in life, and that's it. This goes against the point the showrunners try to make by having Ted and Robin end up together AND by having Tracy get with Ted in the first place: "it's never too late, you always have another chance at love, etc." And, let's face it, Barney and Robin are legendary, but Barney and Nora (hell, even Barney and Quinn!) were pretty good together too. 

Second of all, if they wanted to give Barney a kid, they could have easily done that, before Barney married Robin. Barney's "redemption" starts when he gets with Robin the first time, hell maybe even when we meet James for the first time: Nora, Quinn, finding out who his father is, the episode dedicated to the lies his mum told him/finding James' father, him getting to know his own dad, etc... those are all steps along the way. The s9 episode where Barney accepts the relationship between Loretta and the reverend proves how far he's come. So why not give him a daughter BEFORE he proposes to Robin? Have him cheat on Nora/Quinn with n°31, giving him a relapse, and having him get closer to Robin while struggling to be a dad to Ellie. That would have been great. 

Or, you know, don't give him children. What's the point of burning the Playbook if you're going to have him write the second edition? What's the point of having him do a complete 180 in the last few scenes and acting like having a kid is the only thing that makes him change? What's the point of doing that when the show spends entire episodes berating Marshall and Lily for "changing too much" when they have a kid?

Also, Barney is the "challenge accepted" guy. He loves his wife so much, he spent years wanting her, and then he gives up because there is no WiFi in his hotel. How does that make any sense at all? This is Barney Stinson, the "I will fly out to San Francisco and buy Lily a plane ticket", the "I will steal every girl from my best friend just to save him for Lily", the guy that wrote the Playbook (it takes effort to pull those plays off), the guy that planned for weeks his proposal, the guy that waited years to get back at the man who stole his first girlfriend, the guy that makes every night legendary... are you telling me that that guy becomes the equivalent of a bored housewife instead of living his best life while travelling the world? Come on. They don't even try to make it believable.

Ted

While watching seasons 7 and 8, I felt that Ted was becoming the worst character on the show: he was boring, depressed, basically had no good storylines, the whole thing with Victoria was pointless and inconclusive (and the whole "stop being in love with Robin" was completely out of character for her), but whatever, we could have accepted that because it passed the message that two people could be good together, without being soulmates - which, by the way, renders the TedxRobin ship pointless, because they were right for each other, but Ted and Tracy were soulmates. Him being hung up on Robin in the latter seasons is almost pathetic, and the thing he does with the locket is insane, not romantic - BUT I will say this: it can be seen in two ways, depending on who's watching. I personally like the two as friends, so I see the whole thing as a "Dahmer" situation, but I get the people who see it as a "Dobler" one and see what he did as a grand romantic gesture. 

The problem, though, is that the whole TedxRobin ship gets pretty old, pretty fast: it's an annoying on-and-off thing, that should have ended with the locket. Because, yes, Ted was in a dark moment, yes, he was probably depressed, yes, he thought Robin was his only shot at happiness, but he changes during season nine! He spends entire episodes letting go of Robin, including the one where she transforms into a balloon and flies away. Ted is the good guy, ultimately. He is the guy that is genuinely happy for his best friends. In one of the deleted scenes from the finale, he meets Robin years later and says that he's so happy with Tracy he never thought about Robin in that way anymore. All of that gets thrown in the trash. Why do that? To use a Harry Potter metaphor, Ted is Severus Snape, while Barney is James Potter: the former loved the girl of his dreams with all his heart, even to the point of creepiness, but they weren't meant to be together. 

Robin

This, along with the next point, is the worst of all: Robin is the worst character of the entire finale. Her relationship with Ted in season 2 is wonderful, and I say that as a full-on Barney/Robin shipper. There was never a problem in their relationship, apparently, but they then break up because they have an "expiration date" and ultimately want different things in life. Except that Ted is not her soulmate. The only times when Robin wants Ted are the times where (1) she can't have him because he's either trying to move on or (2) the times where it's convenient, for example when they become roommates again and they solve their disputes again. Around that time, we see perfectly that Ted had moved on and that the person getting hurt was Barney. It's one thing to see Ted and Robin in the finale as two people picking up where they had left off after they dated. But this is not the case. 

In season 7, we have the exchange that should have put an end to any and all TedxRobin drama, and that completely invalidates whatever the writers wrote after that about the two of them: Ted declares his love - "I think you know how you feel about me now. I don't think time's gonna change that. Just tell me: do you love me?" To which she answers "No". And Ted also says later to Marshall, that he's "happy because he can finally move on". 

What a load of crap. 

Getting over someone is hard, believe me, I would know. And, oftentimes, it doesn't happen until we find someone else to love (and from the moment he meets Tracy, there is no one else for Ted). But by giving Ted feelings for Robin after this moment, it takes away from the beauty of it- because it's one of the most heartbreaking feelings in the world when you declare your love to someone and they don't love you back. Ted and Robin were both honest at that moment, and it was the last genuinely good exchange between them. After that, during season 8 they try to show us Ted trying to get over her (and failing) and in season 9 Ted getting over her completely. This is also weirdly paced because at the beginning of s8 both are in happy relationships with other people and there's no jealousy (which is good, because at least they weren't toxic) and they seem just friends (when Robin leaves Nick to go see him in the middle of the night, she implies that she would do it for any of her friends), but after Ted breaks up with Veronica because of Robin everything is weirdly coated in this sort of tension between the two: first Ted loves her, but she doesn't, so when he helps her by taking her to Barney's proposal ("which means my best bro in the world has given me his blessing"). 

And, by the way, every time they try to paint Ted as the guy that comes through for Robin after this moment, they dumb down Barney's character. And still fail to make Ted a better guy than him (see: the carousel in Central Park). 

Yes, Robin and Ted have some chemistry, but it is nothing compared to what Robin and Barney have. Every time Robin is jealous of Barney, it doesn't seem like a stupid whim, just because some other child is playing with her toys (except, perhaps, during The Robin). Robin and Barney's relationship would need a whole other post, and the next time I rewatch the series I will write down all the things that make them perfect for each other, but, to me, the biggest difference between the two relationships is this: in season 6, when she's not dating either one of them, Ted accuses Robin of never making him feel needed while they were together, whereas Barney praises her for it. Those are elective affinities: that's what Barney and Robin have, and what Tracy and Ted have. 

Barney and Robin have more or less the same arc: they both get over their fear of commitment and they do that with each other. Time and time again, we are told that if they're ever going to settle down, it would only be with the other. The first time they break up is honestly so stupid, and even when they are broken up, they are the best of friends, which also makes Robin's behaviour in the finale look so stupid. The way the two of them fit together is unparalleled, both in a romantic and a platonic way. 

Think about it: Robin makes Barney a better man, while she makes Ted a worse one. 

Also, the whole point that there are different seasons in life for everything gets thrown out the window: apparently, Ted and Robin (that were a couple that ultimately worked in their young twenties) are the same people in their forties.

But that's not even the worst part. The worst part is that the two final episodes butcher Robin's arc as well: episode 23 starts with Lily saying "I want this girl to be in our lives" and we know Robin never made other friends outside of the gang, because she didn't need to, and now she walks away from everything because of fucking Ted?? This is saying "hey, Robin was only in the group for Ted, who brought her in, and now she leaves because he's not her puppy anymore". Robin was the one that was eternally indecisive between Ted and Barney and you're telling me that three years and many many life experiences later, she's still not sure? 

The point of her story is learning how to get over her fear of commitment, learning how to be there for her friends (there's an entire episode dedicated to that, and it's the one where Lily's pregnant and we meet Robin's ex-best friend in Canada), and how to balance her job and her life. Also, the way her character is treated is un-feminist and un-progressive: she becomes Ted's consolation prize. She is passive throughout s9. She cannot, ultimately, win the modern-day struggle most women have and balance out career and love life, so her true life, her "happy chapter" begins after she has already accomplished everything she wanted to and she's free for Ted. She doesn't even go back to him, she just the prize the main character wanted for all his life and only got in the end because his wife died (ONE SCENE, people, ONE SCENE!). Also, this makes Tracy the "broodmare" that gives him the kids he wanted, and his "happy family" experience before he goes to be with his one true love. 

The mother

This. This makes me so mad. One whole season spent on building up Tracy's character, just for it to go to waste. It would have been so easy to screw her up, but she is hands down the best thing about s9. She's the perfect woman for Ted and the episode shot through her perspective is the sweetest. By the end, I liked her more than Robin and Lily. She was the perfect addition to their group, she fit together with them in a perfect way, and they show us the biggest moment of her and Ted's life... for what? To have her die in a few sentences? And I don't care if they shot a funeral scene, I don't care if the finale was supposed to be 40 minutes long, because, in the end, it wasn't. The scene where Ted meets her is the second most beautiful one (after Barney's proposal to Robin) and the climax of the whole show, but they ruin her... and for what? The chemistry Ted has with her, he has with no one. The joy she brings him, the way she understands him, is unlike any other. I am sure that one of the reasons they killed her off was the shock value and I hate it. 

I cannot stress this enough: Tracy makes Ted a better person. When he's with Robin, Ted is "the nice guy" in the most selfish and narcissistic version of the trope. When he's with Tracy, love comes easy to Ted. Also, the scenes between the two of them are arguably the best Ted scenes of the show.

The kids' reactions (ugh)

It's not really what they say- it's the way they say it. The end of HIMYM was not supposed to be funny, even though the show is a sitcom. It was supposed to be bittersweet and beautiful, because it's the end of an era, and the writers must have known that. So, Ted finishes telling his story, reveals to the audience that their now-beloved Tracy is dead, and the reaction is: "No, ahah, you totally have the hots for Aunt Robin" (their words, not mine). Like, what the actual fuck? I cringed when Penny said that. It's tasteless and not fun at all. Even if it has been six years... It's still your fucking mum, show a little bit of sadness at the thought of her. 

The reason the show ended this way

What makes me especially mad is that I know for a fact that the reason they went with this ending is that it was the original one, always intended for the show, from season 2 onwards. And, if you watch it right after s2, it makes sense. But if you consider the eight years that passed and the massive character development, then no, it's not the best possible one. So many things hadn't been decided yet back in s2, especially about Barney, Ted, and Robin, and I hate that they didn't dare to scrap their work. This ending probably had sentimental meaning to the writers, but authors have to do what's best for their characters, not themselves. It's like with GoT, in a way: I think that the authors were all too aware of the impact of HIMYM and didn't believe that their finale would live up to the expectations... which compelled them to make the worst decision possible?? Every single character is OOC during the episode. Oh, and Marshall and Lily moving in the last episode is a ripoff from Friends (or maybe a tribute? Idk). Anyway, I believe that the authors were too attached to their sentimental version of "what should have been" and didn't give the characters the endings they truly deserved.

"Life works this way" // "Life only moves forward"

Some people say that the show is realistic because that's how life works. But I call super-BS on that. That might be true, and yes, people do get sick and die (Max, Marshall's dad...) and life does go on. But then, you don't frame it the way they did. It's just bad storytelling if you do it like that. And the problem is not the structure of season 9, because the characters develop in that season. The problem isn't even the mother's death. The problem is Ted ending up with Robin because that's not life moving forward for him, that's him, doing the same thing he did in 2005, 25 (twenty-fucking-five) years before! 

In conclusion, this finale is incoherent and inconclusive, and not satisfying at all. The only character that gets a good ending is Marshall: why is that? What makes his ending great? It's the fact that his character arc is respected and he finally gets what he's been working towards for more than ten years.

[just-like-playing-tag]

Yo it's Apollo!Ray AU hours again

I just think Ray would be more fitting as ruthless psycho than Norman? I mean, Ray was willing to sacrifice 35 children out of 37- children that were his family, children he loved. I'm not saying such decision didn't destroy him internally; but if he, after having thought about it for a long time and considered there was no other chance, eventually agreed to sacrifice most of his own family, think about what he might be able to do to the creatures he despises.

Now, I'm not saying I'm 100% sure this is how Ray would act if he was sent to Lambda, and I know I'm on thin ice with remaining in character; but I find it fun to think of what could have been of him and eventually bringing to light some hidden dark aspects of his!

Hear me out: Ray is a complex, predominantly gray character. Through the canon story, he was greatly effected by Emma's good influence for the better. Nota bene!! I don't mean that Ray isn't his own character, and that his personality and development was solely shaped by Emma; what I mean is that he was influenced by Emma's attitude as much as she was of his own, because our personality is also built on the people we're surrounded by, especially the ones we share a deep bond with.

Now, let's say that, at Grace Filed, Ray's heart was still in a predominantly gray zone: a bit ruthless at heart - he really was willing to abandon to death 92% of his family - but still able to be influenced by Emma's good resolutions for the best (even though it's important to keep in mind that he didn't believe an escape involving more than three people was possible until it took place in front of his eyes. I think it's a very relevant detail, as it shows how GF!Ray's cynism and realism often lead to him solely being able to see the most negative results, and not allowing him to believe in the impossible as Emma and Norman did).

Now, things changed as canon Ray escaped. He had seen the impossible become reality right in front of his eyes, and in that moment he vowed he would have never made the same mistake: he would have never given up again; not on his family, nor on his life.

He swore to protect his family, and that he would have never allowed any of his siblings to meet death again: and that's because, for the very first time in his entire existence, he started to believe that no-escape-scenarios can actually be overcame without sacrifices, if only you have enough faith into making it possible. He learned that fighting back will never stop being an option, and he's now willing to do anything, even the impossible, to grant his family an happy life- this time, for all of them.

It's beautiful, isn't it? Well, bad news!!! Lambda!Ray never got the chance to go through this character development. In fact for him after his shipment everything got worse and more desperate!

I find it unlikely that Ray would have left a note with a revisited escape plan like Norman did before leaving... We know for sure in two months he didn't come up with what Norman had thought in a couple of hours, and even though in the circumstances of him being shipped he would have been him to make the recognition, he didn't know about the support of the younger siblings, which was a key element of the escape plan. Overall, even putting aside the fact that Norman is generally considered being a span more witty than Ray, I personally like to think that Ray, for how he is - pessimistic, depressed and everything - after seeing the cliff would have been far too miserable to come up with something as fast as Norman did.*

*Actually, it's hard to tell for sure, because I think Ray would never give up on saving Emma and Norman- but things were happening so fast, so what if he didn't have enough time? What if he just couldn't come up with a plan to overcome the cliff? I fully believe Ray would have done anything to save Emma and Norman, but what if there wasn't anything to be done? It's hard to say.

Ray is shipped to Lambda. This is probably what he's thinking, differently from Norman:

1. Their plan to escape somehow feels as it's already failed, since they already lost one person: without him, the plan of setting the house on fire to distract Isabella has no chance to work, making their already few chances of escaping go down to basically none.

2. Differently from Norman, who never stopped believing in Emma, Lambda!Ray doesn't know if his siblings were actually able to escape; taking into account how pessimistic Ray is, he has probably long presumed them dead. In such situation, it's very likely he considered the work of the six years of his life to at least make Emma and Norman survive gone to waste. I think it's actually very likely for him to get even more depressed and hopeless at Lambda, believing that now all his family is dead, and probably blaming himself for that. The fact that out of all his family he was the only one who survived - him, the one who out of them was the most ready and willing to die - must feel to him like the most cruel joke from destiny.

[For reference: until the very moment they finally met, also Norman didn't know the escape was successful.

Of course, Norman believed in Emma and in her plan, but what about cynical, realistic, I'm-depressed-since-I-was-one Ray?]

At Lambda, Ray is hopelessly stalling, obsessing on this kind of thoughts. His hatred for demons and, for extension, the world he lives in, is growing stronger and stronger. He's slowly sinking in the abyss of his own desperation. Now that all for him is lost, the only thought that keeps him from giving up on his life is one: the thirst of vengeance. A single, dark, rooted thought that somehow manages to be the one thing that keeps him going on. (Once taken on the Apollo facade, there probably was also a component of wanting to stop once and for all the suffering of thousands of children... But in all honesty, I believe with Ray the revenge component would be much stronger than it was with Norman.)

Let's take a moment to reflect on Ray's vindictive side, shall we? Of course, the main reason for Ray to set himself on fire was because according to him it was the safest way to make the others escape (honestly I think a big part of it was also because of him being suicidal kind of depressed, but that's not relevant to the point). But I believe another primary reason for his actions was his seek for revenge: you can clearly see it in his words full of hate and loathing. And I mean, I think that's pretty canon? Ray's beautiful theme in this moment of the anime is literally called “Ray's retaliation”.

That night Ray sought revenge for having ruined his six years plan to save his true friends (since Norman was ultimately shipped without him being able to do anything to save him), together with revenging all of his siblings he saw being led to death. Somehow, it was a moment for him to set all his anger free as his last testament leaving that cruel world.

But as for the Ray of the AU, he never got to experience that freeing moment! Instead, the anger inside of him kept growing stronger and stronger. And now that he believed the whole escape plan had failed and not a single child had survived, it's fair to assume his thirst for revenge would keep growing with it. And also, once again: this time there's no Emma to have a good influence on him.

Now imagine: after escaping Lamba, Ray meets Emma and Norman again!! He's overjoyed: for the longest time, he had thought he would have never got to see them again. He's ecstatic, overwhelmed with joy. In that moment, he swears to himself he'll never lose them again. Skip to the moment of the confrontation between the three of them, except this time it's Ray to expose his plan to exterminate the demons; when Emma randomly speaks her mind and says that, well, she actually doesn't find it very nice to eradicate an entire species, and that in fact she and Norman were already planning a fun trip to a deadly metaphysical place nobody ever came back from to reforge the promise. Needless to say, in the span of minutes Ray is back sinking deep into the abyss. He won't lose them again. He can't lose them again. And click boom, he goes “You know what Emma? Why don't you visit our Paradise Hideout a bit longer instead 😊🔪🔪🔪”

What I'm trying to say is: when the story starts, Ray has gone through all of the most dreadful and disturbing horrors; he's unstable, and depending on his fate when leaving Grace Field he could have easily swing from one extreme to the other. I think Emma greatly helped him overcome his hatred; but what would have been of him, hadn't she been there to support him? What if he only met people who shared his hatred for demons? What if Ray had the choice to kill them all?

[slytherinsnekxvii]

let's talk about severus snape. he's one of the most controversial characters the internet has to offer, with several blogs, channels and pages dedicated specifically to hating him, despite him having one of the most—if not the most—intriguing character arcs the series has to offer. so, as a result of me coming across far too many of said blogs, channels or pages, here's an extremely detailed explanation of why i like him and think he's easily one of my favourite characters :)

1. he's not that bad of a teacher.

just so you know, i'm a teenage girl fresh out of high school. so, my experience with teachers? still keeps me up at night :)

my family is pretty strict about religion. you can guess what that means. anything that was magic-adjacent, especially something that, god forbid, had an entire school dedicated to witchcraft and wizardry was a hard no if i wanted to have any sort of freedom over the media i paid attention to, and any opportunity to go about my life without being monitored to make sure i wasn't suddenly possessed or something. thanks to this, i ended up secretly reading the philosopher's stone in my last year of primary school. i would've been 11 at the time, just about to turn 12, so a little bit older than harry and co. going on what i'd heard from those who had already read the series, i went in expecting to absolutely despise this man. i went in expecting to read a demon. i finished the book and came out thinking... that really wasn't that bad.

my mom found out, so i didn't get to read the rest of the series until i ended up on the executive committee for my school's book club and my friends were appalled that i'd only read the first book. at this point, i'm still expecting him to get worse and... he just doesn't. when i was in primary school, i had multiple teachers break wooden meter-long rulers across my classmates' backs. the first time it happened, i was in infant year 2 (about 6/7 years old). i had teachers who would insult us, based on anything from hygiene to behaviour to intelligence if you looked at them wrong. my sister (who was three years ahead of me) had a teacher who kept her in hours after school was over because the teacher had a written a note in her workbook upside down, and when my sister corrected her, the teacher made her rewrite it, turning the book each time the note was written so it would never be done the correct way.

in secondary school, i had teachers who would actively humiliate us in front of the class if we didn't do as well as they wanted. i had teachers who would throw markers and whiteboard erasers at us if we did something they didn't like during class. i had a teacher who looked for a friend of mine who was petrified of attention and then mercilessly picked on her until she went to the bathrooms to cry. these are the kinds of teachers that i was used to. so, when i read harry potter and read snape, who would have probably been one of the nicer teachers i met in my lifetime, i thought to myself, he's really not that bad. he's just... strict.

antis claim that he traumatised every kid that ever went through his class, that he straight up abused them and... no. he didn't. all of them are comfortable talking back, they talk during his class, no one trembles when he walks past, except for neville, who usually bore the brunt of snape's anger because he was consistently messing up in a potentially lethal class.

after school, i hated the thought of formal education, so now i'm working until i feel ready to do university. coincidentally, one of my jobs is teaching maths and english to kids writing the end of primary and secondary school exams. given the sheer amount of annoyance i feel sometimes, i actually respect him for not being more harsh with them, especially when they're all running off into danger or exploding cauldrons.

he really isn't that bad of a teacher, and we know this, since his classes' owl results are said to be consistently good.

plus, he was written in the 90's when all this was okay behaviour for teachers. hell, compared to some of the teachers in text, given that he goes out of his way to make sure the students are always protected, he's a lot better than most people give him credit for.

2. i relate to him.

come on, the man grew up to be a dramatic, queer-coded, petty bitch who wears all black all the time and likely has at least one mental disorder. i'm a petty, emo bisexual with (actually diagnosed, don't worry) depression and anxiety and I'm in a theatre group. what did you really expect from me?

on a serious note, both of the schools i went to were considered "prestigious". i got into my primary school because of a teacher's recommendation (she was a family friend). the second school i got into was because i scored ridiculously high on the placement test that would determine which school i went to. in primary school, i was the poor, really awkward, really smart kid who got left out of everything, and my best friend was the only kid who was worse off than me.

in secondary school, i was just as smart as everyone else... but i was still poorer, and still more awkward and still got left out of everything.

i got that isolated feeling, that feeling of not being good enough, that feeling where life always seems to have it out for you and that's even though i still got dealt a better hand than snape ever did. so, i get it. i'm never ever going to have it as bad as he did, but i acknowledge what he went through and i sympathise, because i have a chance, but it only ever got worse for him.

3. i genuinely enjoy his character.

this dude went through absolute hell for basically his entire life. the best years he had were probably when he was neck-deep in the group of people who hated witches and wizards like him, but somehow managed to treat him better than the good guys.

all of that, and he still manages to be one of the most entertaining motherfuckers in the whole series, with one of the most interesting character arcs ever. it's the witty lines, the sheer dynamic of his character, the change from the twitchy, hypervigilant kid from the slums to the adult that managed to spy on the Dark Lord himself and save the wizarding world in the process, while still being a hot mess of a person. it's the managing to get shit done while everybody hated him and everything was going to hell. it's the everything, and i haven't even talked about how badass he is.

come on, potions prodigy turned master, exemplary duellist (cough, cough, winning 4-on-1 vs McGonagall, Flitwick, Sprout and Slughorn, and leaving a scratch on nobody, while managing to not take a single hit himself, cough, cough), spellcrafter, spy and one of the only wizards to ever figure out unaided flight. dark arts master, proficient at healing (dumbledore would've been dead a lot sooner, if it weren't for him, most likely). he's one of the most powerful wizards of his time. i've said that any universe where he's actually a bad guy—or just legitimately loyal to the death eaters—is a universe where voldemort wins and this is why. if he was motivated by literally anything other than lily, the wizarding world was more than likely fucked.

the point is, i just think he's neat.

4. spite.

every time i appreciate snape, a snater feels like someone is walking over their grave. every time i appreciate snape, a snater turns blue out of sheer rage. every time i appreciate snape, a snater loses their mind looking for their non-existent reading comprehension.

the spite in my veins is tempered only by the broth of instant ramen and ungodly amounts of sugar, and i'm going to use them all in my mission to cause antis pain when they refuse to acknowledge their lack of critical thinking and analysis skills.

so, yeah. why do i actually like snape?

tl;dr: he's not that bad. for a teacher written in the 90's and compared to teachers i've had within the decade, the guy's just strict. sure, he's a dick (who i personally think is hilarious), but he always makes sure the students are safe and he didn't leave any lasting effect on any of the students. he's really not that bad of a teacher. and hell, he's not even that bad of a person. i fully admit that he was an asshole and i entirely believe he was prone to self-destructive behaviour, but he still tried to atone for his mistakes and he did, is the thing, even though the odds were stacked more or less completely against him. i like him because he entertains me, and because i relate to him, as a teen who went through some shit and probably would have joined up with some bad people if it weren't for my friends and family, and as a teacher who really can't stand my students sometimes. i also like him because it irritates people who don't like him :)

also, istg if any of you respond to this with "bUt hE was ObseSsED with LiLY and just WAnTEd to FUCK hEr," i'm crawling into your bedroom window with the most unrealistic, mangled interpretations of your favourite characters and making sure they haunt you in your dreams. meet me in the fuckin' pit, babe. reread the series, actually think about it and come with receipts that aren't Voldemort, because i don't think you want to have the same opinion as the character who canonically doesn't understand love, now, do you, sweetheart? when you do that, then, and only then, will i consider entertaining your bullshit :)

that's about it from me, thanks for reading!

[taeslovehandles]

I never meant to target you and I'm sorry you felt that way. You properly tag everything and adhere to the "don't like, don't read" rule. I don't follow you nor you follow, because we simply don't vibe together and that's okay.

But there are posts that are on the more "innocent" side that do represent fat people as a joke and it's like they don't even realize it because it's something so well ingrained in our fatphobic society.

For example, all the characters are having fun except the fat one or referring to someone as "twice his size" (like... If they want to say he's huge, they should just say it, not imply that there's a "right size" for someone to be).

I don't think authors should censor themselves, just acknowledge the role they play in how fat characters are perceived by the community they write for.

-🍓

First of all, since you obviously haven’t blocked me, you could have come to me via direct message. This is not a topic that needs to be brought out into the public eye even more than it already is. I have worked with anons before, I would have been the last person to reveal who you are. You could have made a trash account to message me in dm’s, but since you didn’t, I will reply to you here.

I want to make one thing clear. This will be my last response on the topic. If you do not like me as a member of the community please use the block button and filter me out, because I will stay. I have many friends here, and know that many people enjoy my content. Just because a small handful of people don’t appreciate dark themes in fiction, the contents of which they can easily protect themselves from, won’t make me falter.

Now, I want to debunk this ask because your ‘apology’ actually made me very upset.

I know you don’t mean it when you say you are sorry because you’re backpedaling on what you’ve told your friends and it really rubs me the wrong way. You could have owned up to your mistakes and apologized sincerely like others had but you continue to play victim and excuse your behaviour with tales of your own trauma, projecting your own insecurities onto my blog and thus hating me.

I know for a fact that you despise my blog, especially my writing, because you do not like how “obviously skinny people write about weight gain.”

Honey.

I couldn’t be any further from skinny.

I don’t mind sharing my actual weight, which has actually gotten worse due to COVID. I weigh 490lbs. I am morbidly obese. I have always been morbidly obese. For you to come and be “nitpicky” about a genre you don’t even enjoy? Why are you even reading my fics then?

The way I write about obese people, their struggles with literally everything… that comes from real life experience. I write this to share embarrassing and exhausting daily life tasks I personally struggle with.

A skinny person would never write some of the stuff I do, because they simply don’t know. They don’t know how scary it is to hear the line “we are going to a restaurant.” They don’t know how scary it is to go into that new restaurant, scan the chairs and think “Shit, am I gonna fit? Is the chair gonna creak? Is there enough space for the next table? What if I won’t fit?” A thin person doesn’t have to think this way.

And, let me tell you something else. Yes, I agree. The world is fatphobic.

In one of my recent posts I talked about movies and shows where they make fun of fat people because I hate it. Because it is REAL LIFE. And I am all for the body positivity movement and I do believe that all bodies are beautiful, because they are.

You do not know me personally.

And that leads to my next point. If you personally have issues with the phrase “twice my size”, then that is on you. And guess what? I cannot count how often I’ve heard lines like that my whole life.

“Oh wow two people would fit in one of your pant legs.”

“Wow, you are so fat, I could use your pants as a tent.”

So trust me, I know. I KNOW. But anon, this is the important part for me. Everyone processes trauma differently.

Inked ch3? Or literally any story I have written with a fat character being forced, insulted and talked down to like they’re dumb? That’s what I have been living with my entire life. Most of these stories, some obviously more extreme than how I had experienced them since it’s fiction, have been recordings of trauma I have went through.

My own dad force fed me. Forced me to eat food and gain weight. My first boyfriend was a feeder that manipulated me into gaining more weight and took measurements. Called me pig names and abused me. Hit me, manipulated me into having s** with him and then let all of his fantasies out on me.

I don’t make this shit up. I hate my brain for being so twisted now, that I actually find it hot and arousing. It’s weird. I know, but that’s how it is.

I’ve also never had friends in school. Not even kindergarten. Why? Because my “fat incased body could spread like a virus.” I was being bullied like JK was in Pondus.

I had hot water thrown at me, got glue put on my seats and hair, had my hair ripped out and even got a cigarette burn mark on my arm. Just because I was fat. Just because of how my body was shaped.

I was strangled and locked into a small locker for a night. I was almost killed for running away from my abusive dad from his car and had to listen to things like, “You are going to die when you are 30. No one will ever love you and your body.” That I have trust issues now and am paranoid about everything and everyone.

Those dark stories. I use those dark stories to try to work through my trauma. And yes, it may be absurd to you. It may disgust you, what I write. But sadly, most of it? Most of it really happened to me. To me and other people I’ve talked to as a friend or seen online. Most of what I write will be dark because the human species is made up of terrible creatures.

Fatphobia is an important topic, and I am happy the media has been slowly getting better about it, that people accept us more. But my writing is how I work with my trauma. If I can make fictional characters feel the same things I had to feel, that makes me feel better.

And I’m not hurting anyone with it. So how is it wrong?

I do not support any of this behaviour in real life. I never bullied anyone, I always try to speak up for my friends and tell people if they are being assholes. Because I hate them too and it makes me angry when good people get shit when they do nothing but breathe.

And how @pudgecuddles already said. I don't need you to advocate for body positivity and all that shit when you go out of your way to bully someone that may have experienced the same shit you have. I do not know you or what you went through in your life, but I am sorry. I’m sorry you feel like my stories aren’t okay to write, but this is how I work on my trauma and I need you to respect that.

I’ve said this before. We don’t have to be friends, or even talk to each other.

Just be neutral.

Block me. Filter me out. Pretend I don't exist. But, whatever you do, don’t make posts that call me out while making it obvious you’re talking about me, with the cover that you are advocating against fatphobia. That’s got a name. Cyber-bullying.

Have you hurt me with those posts? Yes you have, but I’ve never wanted bad blood. As you may have noticed, it wasn’t me that made a post. It was my good friend. Because I told her how exhausting it was and she knew about the posts back then.

I have a good idea of who you are.

I remember you.

But I kept my mouth shut. Because this community is my home and the last thing I wanted was for the people who like both of our types of content to feel like they have to choose sides.

In the end, we all rub one out to fat gay boys in a band. No user is better than the rest, and if there are topics you do not enjoy, there is a button for it. No need to drag everyone into it with posts. It’s exhausting and irritating.

Now, I do not accept your apology because you lied to me and I also do not feel like you meant it sincerely knowing what I know now after reading some dm’s. But I also won’t sit here and start shit.

This is my last post about this.

Please block me and enjoy the content you do like.

Nonetheless, I hope you have a nice day and a lovely weekend. Whatever you are experiencing or going through, I hope it gets better. Because even if you hate me personally for creating content you do not support, I’d say that I am a really friendly and nice person.

I do not believe that anyone deserves to be bullied like that and talked down in official posts. It happened before with a friend of mine and you probably remember that I did speak up about it.... But apparently no one learned from it. I really hope this time you do.

Insult me and shit talk me all you want in dm’s, but don’t do it publicly. No one deserves that kind of hate or passive aggressiveness. No one. Since you sound like someone that went through a lot of shit too, you should know better. You should know how it feels to be bullied and what damage it can cause.

I’m already depressed enough and I have bad lows. Let me write my erotica and just enjoy it? That’s all I want? I am a part of this community just like you were. You leaving because you did not like my content, is not my problem. If you cannot block me or ignore it and go so far as to read them and then rant about them negatively, what do you want me to do? I won’t leave the scene just because you don’t like me.

So, you either trash talk me in dm’s from now on so that I do not see it, or you block me. The latter of which would be the more mature thing to do. The more humane thing to do. Because talking behind someone’s back is just as bad.

Again, I don’t know why you felt like it was necessary to send me an ask with lies in it when I got screenshot proof of something else you have said/issues with, so don’t backpedal on me. I know Hun. I know already.

At least stick to what you said and actually apologize or, if you can’t, just block me.

But this ask? This ask just upset me.

Have a nice day.

p.s: The fact that this even needs to be talked about is so absurd and ridiculous to me. The whole thing is a petty party in my eyes that isn't even worth anyone's time? Do people on here really not have any other issues right now or am I in the wrong movie?

[chaotic-trav]

Tell me about your story

U mean the novel I'm writing or my life story? Cuz I think I should probably stop myself from talking about my life story, sorry. However my novel on the other hand is smh that I will happily talk about.😌

Haha, tbf with you I haven't completely figured that shit out. But I have a good idea of what I want it to be. All the MC's are a part of the LGBTQIA+ community 😌. No one is straight...except for a few people. Otherwise everyone is gay.

For the main characters you got, Livia, Melissa, Eduard, Alexade also goes by Jamie, Rigel and Corlac the twins, Scott, Jacy, Nora...should I count Marsina? I'm counting her.

So basically, there's this magical world, where everyone with magic and powers live. However people with non magical parents do exist, and it's some people's job to find them and get them there. Some people are magical, but there can be a bit of issue finding them, so sometimes they find you when your at like your adulthood. Two of the MC's get found at twelve and have magical parents and the other two at fourteen and have non magical ones. There's a bunch of powers in this world. Like kheimokinesis which is basically winter powers, Argokinises which is firepowers, Aquakinises which is water powers, Mentokinises which means that u can literally control the whole brain, Aestakinises which is summer powers and so many more. There's also magic, which is different from powers. Magic is just the normal stuff like moving things and spells. They could do the same thing with people as powers but it would take more concentration and effort on their part then someone who can do it instinctively. In a way it's the same way for everyone, because it's harder to use some other powers than your own. Especially if it's the opposite of your own. Oh and everyone needs to know spells, to do magic, in the beginning. Overtime their magic gets stronger and they can just easily with concentration do it.

Some people just have magic and no powers. Some people have two powers and are known to be extremely powerful. Some have powers, but it's like the opposite of themselves, which is a disease. Your powers are supposed to symbolise who you are as a person, they're supposed to symbolise certain aspects of your personality. For some people they don't, they are the complete opposite of who they are. It can be just a little bit harder for them to control their powers. Just a little tho.

There are also levels for magic, up to twenty. Level one is the second highest and level twenty is the lowest. The highest is level Virvanda, and people of that level only appear once a century. Of u get lucky they come twice. There are also cursed Virvandas. Virvandas throughout history have been someone who put the greater good above everything, who were ready to do whatever that needed to be done and were supposed to not care for mercy and be a bringer of justice. Cursed Virvandas are basically people, who cared more about the people than they love than the greater good, who were merciful and always ready to give a second chance. People would have loved them if somehow they didn't end up causing the demise of so many things, and themselves. So basically people hate cursed Virvandas, because in their eyes they are a bringer of doom....more will be told in the story on why that kept happening.

There's a war going on. But it's not like this side is wrong and evil and that one is right and good war. Because dammit I'm tired of seeing those. It's basically just that. A war. Neither side is fully right and neither is fully wrong. Not gonna elaborate anymore on that.

There's this prophecy, but it's like a dark prophecy. All of the MCs in the prophecy's words are supposed to be evil. But yeah the prophecy might or might not be defied😌. Well not all of the MCs. Livia who is also Virvanda level is supposed to bring them peace but she's also cursed and loves all of the other MCs alot so she'll probably give her best into defying the prophecy.

I'm going to now go on a ramble about Livia who's most definitely not the most main and most beloved for me. ( I am so sorry about all my rambling)

She's an atheist who grew up in a toxic and mildly abusive household, she is also bi but will discover this later on. She's like I said cursed Virvanda. she's going to hate being called that and just be like fuck u I'm Livia erelans, that's my name, call me by that. she also has anxiety and will get depressed as the story goes on. Loads of trauma for her. She wants to be an author. She loves reading and is in so many fandoms. Loves cats. Always there to help out. Does not work well under pressure. Got anger issues. She's also someone who's like always trying to hide their problems. Can be a indecisive. Badass and nice as hell. Won't hesitate to call you out on your shit. Chaotic mom friend. Can sometimes do things without thinking. She is kheimokinesis. Feminist. Insecure. Self deprecating. Cares more about others than herself. Will stand up for any cause that she thinks us right. Creative as hell. Gotta learn to love herself. Just so tired and done with everything but will still get excited about stupid things. She keeps fighting for what she believes in even after going through so much trauma and gives so many second chances. Loves to daydream and the colour sky blue and the sky itself. She also loves to stragaze and listening to music. Bad at maths and drawing. I absolutely love her and she is def my favourite character to write.

Basically that's my MC for u. A beautiful human being that I love....if I ever finish that book and if u already don't hate my guts after reading all this, then you can read that and find out about the others yourself....if u feel like reading the bullshit that I will write. If u don't that's okay too. Thank u for this ask tho, it made me extremely happy🥺🥺.

[missdawnandherdusk]

Taking A Break

Hey guys, so on my last post I said that I had just gotten out of a four year relationship and well, as you can imagine it’s a bit jarring for me. Please, no worries, I’m not having a mental breakdown nor am I in any danger of doing something stupid. And I mean it. Truthfully. But, I’d like to talk a bit about it if you don’t mind and give some wisdom, or at least a story to tell. 

When I was fifteen, a tenth grader, my older brother (who is a year older than me) was very abusive. It was verbal and emotional and left me in a dark place. As a kid with anxiety and depression, who was excepted to sill be the pinnacle of perfect, you can imagine how difficult it was for me and how much I craved companionship, and to belong somewhere. And well, that’s when I met my s/o. We were both in a dark place and together through the years, we helped and relied on each other. It was a war that we fought side by side. I relied and loved him and he, me. It was a long distance relationship. He lived across the country and we could only see each other a few times a year, which made things unique for us.

But we grew older. And made a lot of fond and fun memories along the way. And I don’t regret a moment of it. He helped me become the person I am today and I will always love him for it. I’m no longer scared of the world, and I no longer let myself get walked on. My depression and anxiety, I have a real handle on. I’m not suicidal anymore and my panic attacks are few or managable or at least recognizable. My brother grew up too. He’s no longer angry and abusive, but rather a pretty cool brother. Don’t get me wrong, it took a lot for us to mend our relationship, but we did and now we have a mutual respect for each other. My parents and I are on better terms after I moved out and went to college for a year and now I’m not so alone and dependent. In fact, I’m thrilled about life! I never thought I’d ever make it to eighteen and now I’m in college, and I have a huge horizon of possibilities in front of me! I was in college, and engaged to be married to my prince charming who saved me. Well...

Let’s talk about my relationship. Where and when I was growing, he stayed the same. Though I tried again and again to give him advice and help him and even get him to help himself, he just didn’t. And that’s extremely frustrating. But, as someone who believes in the best of everyone even in the worst of people, I persisted. I could see the potential, especially since I was growing and seeing the potential I had myself. But he still refused to listen. All he wanted to do was complain about where he was and for me to console him. And whenever I pointed it out, he’d promise to do better and that he was sorry, and I believed him. And it would get better for a while. 

Now don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t always like this, nor was it as often as you’d think but since January, it began to really drain everything from me. All of our conversations would be about what was wrong in his life and I began to distance myself. I still loved him though and believed in him. It was hard to really take a step back, because as far back as I could remember he was there, just a constant. And until college I didn’t really know how to be independent or if I could even make it on my own because of how I was raised. But college showed me that there is so much more to the world and to me. And I desperately wanted to share that with him, but he was still stuck in the same place that we met.

Then the little things started to occur to me that maybe this wasn’t healthy for me at all. I’m very passionate about what I love (if you haven’t noticed thus far) and he’d say things that would sap all of the happiness out of those things. My music, my fandoms, my art... He’d constantly rip on my favorite characters or my favorite artists or say that the way I did things wasn’t the best way. And as someone who took a long time to become confident in herself, it was jarring, because I loved him and I felt like I couldn’t talk to him about anything else that I loved. Our interests shifted and what we wanted out of life changed.

Then I came out to him. Which was very new to both of us and had me freaking out to tell him because how in the world was I supposed to tell him that I was asexual? But I thought, well, he’ll love me still. It was a nice thought. He crushed me when I told him. He didn’t tell me he was proud, or that he still loved me. He just went quiet. And when I asked him what he was thinking, well he said that he was concerned that his future wife didn’t want to have sex with him and maybe that there were some barriers that would fade with time and maybe after we were married I’d want to again. 

Yeahp. 

You can imagine how back into a corner I felt then. After a while he apologized and came to terms with it, but the damage was done and it still hurts, even now. But then I realized something. 

When I came out to my best friend, she was so excited and proud of me. And everyone else I told (even you guys) were proud of me and accepted me and I realized that I wasn’t alone. And I’m not alone. Not in the slightest. I have parents who love me and who I can now talk to about how I feel. I don’t have to be perfect for anyone anymore because I already am, just the way I am. I have amazing mentors and friends from college who love me and are there for me and I have close friends who I can fall back on if I need to. Most importantly, I love who’s in the mirror and she’s got my back too. 

But I was afraid, because, well it’s hard to end a long term relationship, even though I wanted out. I was afraid of what other people would say, of telling them, of breaking off an engagement when everyone was so happy for me and it took me probably longer than it should have, but the choice I made was the right one and I’m certain of it. Even if it’s just goodbye for now, it still had to be goodbye. 

He wanted me to be the person that I was four years ago, and I’m not her anymore. She is so far gone, even though I still love her and that part of my life, I won’t forfeit who I am not for the sake of ‘true love’

So, why am I telling you this? Well, one I wanted to let you know what’s going on in my life, but two, I wanted to let you guys know that “true love” doesn’t come from one person for the rest of your life. I believe in true love, and in agape, but it’s not from one source all the time. Fairytales are amazing and I adore them but my happily ever after is going to be on my terms. It’s not something I’m going to compromise on because it’s my life and I’ve fought hard for it. And the girl I was four years ago deserves everything I can give her. 

And the same goes for you. You’ve fought hard for who you are today, and if you don’t like who that is, well keep working on it! Keep fighting for it because it’s beautiful and amazing and something to chase. And to those of you who have been suicidal and who either still deal with it or have, don’t give in! From someone who’s been there myself, please believe me when I tell you there is so much more to life than you can ever imagine. 

And, this is a huge change for me. I’ve never been ‘single’ before and though I don’t plan on dating any time soon, it’s a lot for me to adjust to and settle into. I really am happy and proud of myself because it’s something I did for myself and the best thing I could have done for myself and now I feel free to chase after the sun without having to worry about pulling him up with me. I’m free to be me. 

That being said, I’m going to take a break on writing my Hufflepuff and Gryffindor series for right now. And I really hate to disappoint you guys because I know you love reading them and I love seeing you guys’ reactions, but right now, I can’t bring myself to write those scenarios until I’ve settled into who I am a bit and can do so without a bleak outlook, if you can imagine. I want to give you happily ever afters with Draco. I really do, but right now I can’t do that with these stories, not yet. So forgive me as I take a break with them. 

It’s not to say I won’t be writing! I will still write I promise!! I don’t know what or when, but I will write for Draco and I will show you my heart and emotions as I always do. You guys mean so much to me, you have no idea and I love writing for you guys as much as I do myself so I promise I won’t stop. But please, keep in mind that I’m going through some things on the ‘outernet’ and that requires a bit more of my emotional quota than the internet. 

I love all of you. 

Tags: @coffee-addicti @msmcsmutt @ravn-87 @artemismohr18 @whygz @crazywritingbug @fuzzy-panda @bitemebro522 @zombiesnips-blog @savingdraco @welcometomyworldwithoutrules @akari180 @slytherin-emerald @memalfoy-spidey @queenfeatherwings @fanficflaneuse @go-whovian-universe @spicyshenanigans @darling-im-not-okay-i-promise  @dietkiwi @katsukink @takemetothekingdom @strangerr-things @tmnt-queen @hxneybgb @justsomerandomgur @belcvayelena @moviesbooksandfandoms @howdycharlie @xtrashmouthxtozierx @cocochanelthepupper @ninacotte @braelynn-j @jiggllyy @honeymarvel @darcypotter-blog @atomicpunkrock @thiccheerioss @lottie289 @boredashaeck @beautiful-pegasus @tceedlmao @deadlynyghtshayde @iconjuresnapeingrandmaclothes @anonymous034 @bi-andready-tocry @lunna-does-real-doodle @dragonsandbread  @okaydraco @the-queen-of-hell-things @cmxreader @alienmotel @oh-itsnothing @sunflowerxsadnessw @fattycooter @angelotakunerd08 @thisisahugemistake @fanficsigottaread @gweaslvy @strawberriesonsummer @gaysludge @cleopatera @ray-of-sunrise @artist-bby @shadowsingeraxolotl @peters-legos @quillsareforwriting @ghostlytoadalmondhairdo​ @wollymalfoy​ @lilpieceoftoast​  @paper-cats​ @floweryjh​ @sdicapriox​ @slothgirl22​ @peachesandpinks​ @monimillion​ @hufflautia​ @livize75​ @annie-mcl​ @riathearora​ @live-like-luna​ @justathoughtfulangel​ @coconutdawn​ @skteaiy​ @wannabeskinny-thinspo​ @naughtygranger​ @queenofmankind​ @dragonsandbread​ @abundantxadorations​ @moony-artnstuff​ @myforeveryoungblog​ @and-then-a-girl-with-luv​ @1-800-luvsick​ @pandas-rice-field​ @strawberriesonsummer​ @jjustsomerandomgirl​ @mrvlfangirl3190​ @in-slytherin-we-trust​ @emmaa-t​ @introvertedrae​ @infinity1o1​ @stoleurmomsvan​ @echpr​ @sunkissed-hufflepuff​ @dekulover​ @marshmallowtraver​ @cereuselle​

[g7mafiascenarios]

Confession of The Rain.

synopsis : Mark finds out that Athena hated rain while he loves the rain, but he knew the rain brought them closer that day.

characters : Mark Tuan, Ahn Athena, Ahn Aethia

genre : mafia!mark, got7!mafia

a/n : a little angst and fluff, mention of weather depression, basically Athena assuming she has weather depression

“Gosh, I would rather be at home and study.”

“.....I agree on staying indoors…. But not the study part - and it’s just once in a while, Tina! You should relax once in a while! Break a leg, have a chill pill you know!”

Athena looked towards the slightly grown bob girl who had icy white hair, seeing how relaxed she was since she was wrapping her arms behind her head while sucking onto a lollipop.

The older Ahn girl couldn’t help but to judge how the way Aethia - her younger sister, dressed herself as both of them were attending a party being held at one Jaebeom recently opened hotel - being friends with the Lim family, the Ahns’ were invited to the party too.

“Mum is gonna kill you, you’re supposed to wear a dress,” nagged Athena then seeing Aethia shrugging, taking out her lollipop out of her mouth as she turned towards her older sister.

“I already told Mother and Father about it. I just said I came back from work so I ain’t got time for changing onto a burden outfit,” answered Aethia coolly, earning a reaction from Athena as she shook her head to hear how unbelievable her younger sister is.

Unlike Aethia who wore a simple outfit which was just wearing a simple white shirt and jeans along with a leather jacket and slip ons plus carrying a gym bag, Athena was being forced to wear a dress since she was the oldest and she had always had to be the representative out of the Ahns’ siblings.

Athena can’t help but admit to herself that she is tired of playing the ‘good’ one - the one that parents always look up to. 

Her parents’ didn’t force her or tell her anything, it’s just the way others portray her to become what they want her to be. 

“I just checked the weather and it’s going to rain so I think you need—

“It’s okay, I’ll probably leave after conversing with Mum and Dad’s friends.”

With that, Aethia looked at Athena before shrugging while putting back the jacket she had brought for her older sister.

“I heard all of Jaebeom’s members will be attending this party and also, I heard that Mark is hunting you,” Aethia simply commented that made Athena snapped towards the icy white haired girl with widened eyes. 

“Hunting!? N-no! We’re friends! I didn’t do anything wrong!” Athena panicked, making Aethia to chuckle out loud.

“I was just kidding, Tina! You should see your panicked face!...... So it’s true then, the Mark guy has feelings for you,” Aethia muttered to herself at the end, not wanting Athena to hear her. 

Athena frowned after hearing Aethia’s comments.

“How did you know about me and M-mark?” 

“I work closely with Jaebeom so.. Let’s just say that I heard it from the people who are working for him,” answered Aethia, looking at Athena with a playful glare at her - causing Athena to hit her younger sister on the arm roughly, who was laughing.

That caused Athena to giggle upon hearing how contagious Aethia’s laughter is.

Both the Ahn sisters’ laughter soon faded as soon as they turned towards a venue where they could hear deep laughter and music. 

Athena can’t help but feel anxious. Let’s just say she wasn't fond of this type of parties, also knowing she has final exams right around the corner.

“Hi Mark! You look—

Mark slightly groaned in annoyance after walking past the 10th woman she met at the party. 

Hearing their purposely high-pitch tone voices always gets his nerve knowing they just wanted to be in his pants.

If it wouldn't be for Jaebeom, Mark would already reject the other members’ invitation since most of their parties were for fun but whenever it is Jaebeom, there would always be an inner intention regarding his parties.

At the same time, it was an opportunity that he couldn’t miss seeing a certain girl that he had boldly given his number to. He was surprised that Athena didn’t even give him a single heads up.

Mark wanted her to ring him up first, he expected her to call him or maybe text him but it’s already been 2 weeks and his phone is only filled with calls from work or his 6 loyal friends.

But he suddenly remembered that he was dealing with the Ahn Athena, a girl who was way more different, she was way out of someone's league.

‘Maybe that’s why I am attracted to her,’

“What’s with the long face, Mr Tuan?” 

A voice made Mark snapped towards where it came from - he swore that he could feel his lips curving upwards automatically when hearing the familiar voice, but it seems his face turns into a frown after seeing an unknown face.

Mark raised an eyebrow towards the girl, as he kind of judged her - from the way she dressed then analyzing her features until he finally gets it.

He should have known since he has been into Athena’s apartment, seeing family pictures that were hanging in the living room. But Mark was slightly surprised to hear how similar their voices were.

“You should be Ahn Aethia, Athena’s sister.” Mark answered, seeing the resemblance of Athena and Aethia - except that Aethia has a very obvious hair color and she has that dark vibes while to Mark, Athena was more radiant in terms of her vibes.

Mark looked around Aethia’s shoulders, to not find the one he was looking for and Aethia was smart enough to figure out Mark’s body movement - knowing what he wants.

Mark caught the gaze that Aethia had shown him - and it made Mark frown slightly.

“My sister is probably being forced by my parents to walk here and there. I’m sure she will get tired sooner or later so… I suggest you should look for her, Mr Tuan.”

“Isn’t it better for you to be the one to follow your parents around rather than Athena? I think she has done enough as an older sister.” answered Mark, his voice sounding serious which he was surprised to see how calm Aethia was.

Almost everyone knew that out of the 7 guys in Jaebeom’s group, Mark has the ability to read other people’s emotions just by reading their body language - and he was surprised that he wasn’t the only one who had that skill previously.

It seems that she didn’t even show any sign of fear.

“As you can see, my parents favored Athena more - in a good way, I mean I’m not jealous or anything, because Athena has pure intentions on how she wants to live her life. In a sense that Athena prefers to not be involved in whatever businesses my family has.” Aethia explained rather smoothly yet coolly, as she let out a small smile.

Mark nodded slowly as his response, somehow not to question Aethia more since he preferred to talk Athena directly regarding this.

“But are the two of you.. Close?” Mark questioned curiously - because in other mafia members' families, most siblings - especially sisters, hated each other to the point where they would sabotage each other sadly. 

Mark was a little hesitant to hear his answer, knowing if Aethia replied with an answer he was expecting, he had no choice but to be physical with her - if he finds out Aethia has plans to hurt Athena.

Aethia scoffed, after seeing Mark’s clenched jaw then letting out a slight chuckle.

“We’re like magnets and there’s no way I would hate Athena. She has a big  heart and she has compassion - she mostly has taken care of me back when we were kids when our parents would be out for work so… That’s why I preferred to be the one doing the heavy work.,” answered Aethia with a smile, this time it was a genuine one and Mark could tell that the younger Ahn girl genuinely cares for her older sister. 

Maybe that’s why Mark is slowly falling for Athena. 

“Enough about me. Since you are just right in front of me, let me ask you one question and it’s up to you if you want to answer me the truth or… you could easily lie to me,” Aethia’s voice changed drastically from sounding friendly to a tone which made Mark have his guard up although he didn’t show it.

Mark slightly glared towards Aethia, seeing the look that she had given him.

“Do you have feelings for my sister?”

“Your daughter is beautiful!”

“Is your daughter single? Well, my son is single too!”

“I think my son looks good with your daughter.”

“This is the perfect age for Athena to get married. Have the two of you found a suitable husband to be for her?” 

That was the 4th question that she had heard regarding marriage, and it actually pisses Athena off. Almost all of her parents’ friends have been bugging them for Athena to pair off with their sons.

Feeling herself getting slightly uncomfortable, Athena slightly tugged onto her father’s arm as she leaned towards him.

“Father, I might have to excuse myself.” Athena whispered, giving him a knowing look and her father automatically nodded in understanding - slightly pushing the girl out of the picture so that the others wouldn’t question Athena much.

Trying to squeeze herself through the crowds, Athena was trying to avoid the people she knows - to avoid the question regarding her private life. 

‘I should have stayed at home, or called in sick,’ 

As Athena was about to squeeze in through another crowd, she felt a strong grip on her wrist, that made her turn towards a specific direction. 

Her face that showed disgust, slowly turned to a shocking expression to see Mark standing right infront of her.

Her eyes fell towards his attire - Athena admits that he looks extremely dashing, his suit that was neatly ironed and the way his hair was styled made Athena’s heartbeat a little faster.

It’s the same feeling she had felt when she had a crush on a little boy back - a boy where she had play-dates with. Sadly, her play-date disappeared without a trace and till now, she hasn’t seen him.

Not that she was curious or anything.

“I thought you have left,” Mark voiced out, his hands still gripping onto Athena’s wrist which Athena’s eyes moved towards her wrist. That caught Mark’s attention as he immediately let go of her wrist.

“I was about to, but you stopped me.” answered Athena slightly, seeing Mark’s eyes wandering on what Athena was wearing. 

“It’s ugly, isn’t it? I prefer wearing a suit or something,” Athena commented, letting out a dry laugh as she looked at her long blue dress that had a long cut on her thigh, which people could see her bare legs.

“Ugly? Well, if you put it as ‘ugly’, I don’t think men would have looked at your direction at all if you put yourself in the ‘ugly’ category.” Mark answered with a slight amused smile after seeing Athena’s cheeks getting slightly pink. 

Mark had actually seen Athena at first, after having a talk with Athena’s younger sister which he surprisingly had made friends with - aside from Athena. 

Aethia had told Mark lots of interesting facts about Athena, and he was surprised that Athena was someone he had known for long.

“Hmm.. you must be busy with Jaebeom and your 6 loyal buddies that you had forgotten about your old friends.” Aethia commented while sipping onto her own glass of wine - not caring Mark’s intense stare.

“Friends? I’m not as free as you to make friends, Aethia. I’m sure you know about this dirty world that we live in since you have helped Jaebeom with assassinating his enemies.” 

Aethia scoffed loudly, fully turning her body towards Mark as she gave him a slight frown. 

“Hmm.. you really have forgotten about your play-dates with her. I’m not surprised.”

“Play-dates?”

That’s when Mark had somehow put little bits of pieces, already figuring out about why he had an unknown connection with Athena. 

She was the girl that he had spent most of his childhood with, the girl who had attended play-dates with him, the girl who still wanted to be friends with him although he was a little kid who doesn’t talk much.

Mark somehow remembered, a memory had popped in his head back when they were just kids.

“I don’t think no one wants to be my friend, Tina. I wish I could be like you.”

“No. I think you should be your own ‘you’. Everyone is special in their own way, Markie. That’s why I want to be friends with you. I love kids who play quietly! So don’t change for others, okay?”

“Markie…” Mark muttered to himself as a result of Athena waving her hands right in front of Mark’s sight - causing Mark to have his eyes fluttering as he realized he was daydreaming.

Athena was staring at him, she had a frown on her face while gazing on Mark’s face - seeing that she looked concerned at Mark’s sudden quietness.

Mark quickly looked around his surroundings before grabbing a hold of her hands, as he dragged Athena who shrieked in taken-aback.

“Wow! Jaebeom literally picked a nice spot on building the hotel!” Athena commented in amazement after seeing the venue where Mark had dragged her to, which was the top-bar.

The night-view was amazing that Athena didn’t realize that her jaw went wide, also not realizing that Mark had his eyes on her as soon as they stepped out of the elevator - with Mark still holding onto her hand while pulling her to the open area.

Mark unknowingly had a small smile on his face, seeing her eyes that filled with innocence - seeing her eyes staring into the night sky that was filled with stars.

“It’s nice, isn’t it? Jaebeom, Youngjae, Jackson and I voted in this area to be built and our wish came true.” Mark commented as his eyes changed it focused towards the city.

Athena’s attention has now turned towards Mark, seeing him eyeing towards the busy streets with a small smile.

“Voted? So, Jaebeom lets you choose?” 

“Of course, that’s because I along with Youngjae and Jackson invested money on this building. You can say that aside from Jaebeom, the two of them and I own this hotel somehow.” Mark explained simply, again earning a reaction from Athena which was having jaw widen.

Mark turned towards Athena as he saw her reaction, making him let out a genuine laugh - as he reached out to Athena’s chin, him moving her chin upwards to close her slightly opened mouth.

Giving her a small smile, Mark’s attention turned towards the night city while Athena regained her focus with her feeling her own cheeks turning warm after realizing Mark had touched her chin.

That was the moment when Athena’s heartbeat a little too fast - a feeling where she had felt before. It was different previously. 

When she was trying to figure out her emotions, Athena felt a wet sensation on her cheeks that made her frown.

“Oh no,” Athena muttered to herself before letting out her hand in the air, feeling more droplets in her hand. 

Rain.

“We have to go back inside, it’s going to rain.” Mark somehow had figured out as he took out his suit jacket - he wordlessly put it onto Athena’s shoulder while gently leading her in.

Athena out of a sudden grabbed his arm, which made Mark turn towards her.

“Can we not go in?”

Mark stared at Athena’s side profile - gazing at her face that was looking at the pouring rain. 

Athena somehow wanted to stay outside, not caring if she had gotten wet since she wanted to avoid the people in the hotel hall and from there, he had small talks that turned into a long one since both of them were sitting in a sheltered area.

With Athena covering her small frame with Mark’s blazer tightly and Mark somehow sitting closely to Athena as their shoulders touched each others’.

“As much as I hate rain, I hated the people who are back there,” muttered Athena as she sighed loudly.

“You hate rain? I love rain.” Mark answered, as his voice turned a little quieter as he confessed at the end. But Athena had heard his answer, making her fully turn towards him.

“You love rain? I respect your preferences.” Athena commented, pouting a little while nodding.

“Why do you hate the rain then?” 

Athena’s expression quickly fell, her eyes went downcast as she was trying to find an answer. This was something personal to her but there was an inner part of her that Mark is someone that she could trust - looking at where they are now, she is sure that Mark is someone who could keep secrets.

“It’s not that I hate rain. I think I have weather depression, because whenever the rain gets heavier and thunder flashing here and there, my heart feels heavy and I tend to shed tears as it turns into me crying like a baby.” 

Athena confessed truthfully, and when she was slowly explaining, Mark’s eyes moved towards her expression - at the same time he was listening to her rather attentively, compared to the ones where he had meetings with mafia daughters who were interested in his body rather than his own feelings.

Mark knew he had already fallen for her with just the way he responded to how she talked and acted.

“Have you found someone to talk to regarding this?” 

Athena’s head slightly tilted to him, meeting his eyes that looked soft and genuine for the first time.

“No. I didn’t think of that, maybe because I didn’t want to bother others with my problem.” answered Athena softly, before turning fully towards Mark with a wide smile.

“Enough of my sad story, now why do you love the rain?” Athena questioned curiously while smiling towards him. 

Mark was taken-aback with her sudden change of mood, also knowing that she was trying to change the subject - guessing that she didn’t want to talk more about it.

“I was just like you actually, I hated rain at first because the day where storms and rain were pouring out heavily, my parents died. But I didn’t know in the long run, I felt more sentimental because whenever I visited my parents’ grave, it would rain. I should hate the rain but I don’t know, somehow rain made me and my sister become closer with us just talking with my parents.” Mark confessed and Athena somehow became more quiet, somehow trying to find ways to answer him in a genuine way.

“...I’m happy that the rain makes you closer to your sister.” Athena smiled softly towards Mark, his eyes gazing towards hers. 

They were full of life and just happiness compared to him, that was filled with emptiness.

But it seems whenever Mark is with Athena, no matter what situation it is, his heart, his eyes would light up with happiness and for the first time ever, he feels happy to wake up the next day, knowing he would see her every time - which is where Athena studies.

But that happiness doesn’t last long for Mark, coming from a guy who had done deeds that he wasn’t so proud of.

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ⇿ 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫

𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

[sorin-in-the-sixth-sense]

A list of my favourite fictional grey characters (not in order) SPOILER ALERT!

Regina Mills (Once Upon A Time)

There is a reason why Regina is called «The Evil Queen» She was pure evil. A murderer, a kidnapper, a rapist, how could I like her? Well it wasnt before season 3 I started to like her. It took a lot of time. And I suppose I will never fully love her after she raped Graham for...years... and murdered people - children when she was a tiny bit frustrated. I would even say that she is irredeemable. And I thought her redemtion arc was unrealistic in the beginning, and for God’s sake, she should not have been crowned The Good Queen in season 7. But she tried to change so hard for Henry, she tried to redeem herself. Tried to be a good mother for a change. She saved multiple lives and souls. She didnt completely redeem herself, I must admit it. But she tried so hard and I feel like she deserves something from that. She eventually became a very good mother, even though it was a little late since Henry was already 12 when she became one. She was still a bitter bitch and blamed innocent people for unfortunate things that happened to her (Zelena, Mary Margaret, Emma) but by season 7, she became something more than that. She became half good. Grey. And even though she didnt completely redeem herself, she came close. Also, I love her sassy personality, she should be crowned The Sassy Queen, not The Good Queen.

Rumplestiltskin (Once Upon A Time)

The Dark One who after 7 seasons became one of the greatest heroes in OUAT. The man who was known as the village coward because he ran away from the Ogre War and was too afraid to fight for his wife became one of the bravest men. Like Regina, he was a murderer. He was super manipulative with all his deals and the «all magic comes with a price, dearie» thing. He manipulated people into getting themselves killed. Before he became The Dark One, he was a good man with a pure heart. But the power of the dagger took over him and his heart was all black. He was power sick. He always wanted power, but not for selfish reasons. He felt like he needed power to protect his son Bealfire/Neal and his wife Milah, but when he took that power, the darkness came over him and he, after time, became evil. It wasn’t before he met Belle French his heart showed a little bit of light. As he said, she was his light in an ocean of darkness. Their relationship was problematic and selfish in the beginning. He manipulated her into thinking he changed (which you know i detest *cough* James Potter) Rumple loved power more than he loved her, at least in season 4. He too often chose it over her, until season 6 when he started to properly redeem himself. His redemtion arc took over 300 years but it came in the end. His love for her changed A LOT. In the other seasons, his love was unhealthy and selfish. But in season 6 and 7, he changed a lot. This time it wasnt only for Belle, but Gideon too. They helped him let go of power and in season 7, he tried so hard to get rid of the dagger and the power so that he could live a normal life with his family. And after Belle died, he didn’t return to the dagger or the dark side. He helped the good side to defeat Drizella and the other villians in that season. He even became a father figure to Alice. And in the end he sacrificed himself to save Killian’s (Nook) life. And he got reunited with Belle. He is the most interesting character in OUAT, no doubt there.

Sawyer/James Ford (LOST)

Sawyer is without a doubt one of my fave characters from LOST (after Charlie and John) in his background, he was a thief and manipulated woman to believe he loved them, just to take all their money. (Maybe except Cassidy, since he fell in love with her later, but he still manipulated her AND got her pregnant) He’s a real asshole. Buuut - then he became an entirely different (and better) man. He meets Kate Austen and I feel like his love for her changes his character. In the beginning he was a bit of a perve with her (i mean, walking straight towards her completely naked...) he doesnt develope much in the 1 season, but later (beginning in the 3 season) he becomes quite selfless and protective. In season (was it 4? I dont quite remember) he falls in love again with Juliet Burke, and heeeeell, she was good for him. He also developes a nice relationship with Claire Littleton (platonic) he becomes protective of her. He attemts to comfort Hurley after Charlie’s death. In the rest of the seasons he is the born leader. He puts the team before himself (like when he sacrificed his chance to escape the Island) and in the paralell universe he is absolutely the best.

Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights)

Okay, no he’s not exactly a grey character since he’s a lot more dark than light, but I love him too much to not put him here. Differently from the other character I’ve mentioned above, Heathcliff doesnt have a redemtion. He died an awful person. He abused and manipulated a lot of people. Before he became this asshole, he was a much better person. He was an ass to those who deserved it (Hindley, That bitch deserved to die so young. Edward was a kind man, but I don’t like him, sooo... nevermind) The way he treated Isabella was sickening and awful, she had every right to leave him and take Linton away and hate him. I Don’t like Isabella, but she never deserved to be treated that way. His love for Cathy was unhealthy, but it was true and he would do so much for her. (They kinda remind me of Snily, so ofc I ship it) Heathcliff went through so much trauma in his life and never recovered. After Cathy died, he was practically dead too, then he killed himself years later. His life made me cry for days, especially the ending. He is such an interesting character with so many layers.

Ulrich Nielsen (Dark)

(Before I say anything, I haven’t finished the entire show yet, so this is gonna be short and probably not 100% correct)

To be honest, I don’t like Ulrich at all as a person. I look at him and I see a fully grown up man with no remorse for what he did to Regina as a teen. He cheated on his wife with a woman he didnt even love. He tried to murder a CHILD who hadnt done anything wrong (yet) because he thought he was going to kill his brother and son in the future (okay, i get why he did it. He was desperate to get Mikkel back and the whole time-tarvelig thing was extremely stressfull) BUT HE COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING A LOT LESS HARMFULL TO PREVENT EVERYTHING TO HAPPEN. Despite this, i love him as a character. He is so interesting and there are times were I have to remind myself why i dont like him. He is brave and intelligent and... so fucking hot as a teen.

Hannah Kahnwald (Dark)

(Again, havent watched the whole show yet)

This girl is MESSED UP. When she was fourteen, she accused Ulrich of being a rapist, which is a very serious accusation and then blamed it on Regina who she knew was a victim of Ulrich and Katharina’s bullying. She is a home-wrecker, and when Katharina found out about Ulrich cheating on her with Hannah and confronted her, Hannah blamed it on Ulrich and said he pressed her and that she wanted it to end, but he refused or whatever, i dont 100% remember the conversation. But she was also a very good mother to Jonas and she was so sweet to Mikkel/Michael. She is a bitch, so much that its impossible to not like her.

Severus Snape (Harry Potter)

Saved the best one to last. The guy my whole account is about, ofc he’s on this list, and ofc this is gonna be the longest text.

This guy is a complete asshole. Always has been, always will be. He bullied Harry and Co (mostly Harry and Neville) he was a bitter and sarcastic bitch. He used to be a follower of Voldemort. Even in his youth he had a lot of flaws. We all know he became the bastard he was due to childhood trauma, mental illnesses and manipulation. I believe he had depression, grief and PTSD. At least in his 20’s he was suicidal, and I believe it remained like that til the day he died, because he had no one to help him or give him support. He turned to the dark side in an attemt to make his life better (as many members of gangs do) but he only stayed like that for two years, which is extremely impressive if you know what kind of person Voldemort is. As a 21 year old, Snape was a very different person from what he was as a 38 year old. If he was the way he was as a 38 yr old when Lily, James and Harry was in danger. First of all, he wouldnt start to try to save Lily by asking Voldemort, he would have went straight to Dumbledore, probably with his own brilliant plan on how to save them. Second, he wouldnt hesitate for a second to save James and Harry to. In canon, he needed to have a personal reason to save them, which was Lily’s feelings I believe. As a 38 yr old, he risked his life to save people he hated (Lupin) This is a great character developement. He went from being a selfish bitch, to become a selfless asshole. He was that kind of person who did anything in his power to protect someone, even if that person had nothing to do with winning the war and had nothing to gain himself.

[a-skyfull-of-starz]

Anime in the Time of Quarantine

This fine quarantine period, I have made it my mission to watch as much anime as possible, because I don’t know, I guess it’s better than wallowing in self-pity.  Here’s a list of everything I’ve watched to date and how much I recommend them, because I don’t know, I’m bored or something.

This list does not contain anime I’ve previously watched, because that would make it normal life anime. So don’t ask me why Shingeki no Kyojin is not on the list.  Of course it remains my favourite and I will continue to recommend it until my dying breath.

Also, this list is ordered in the order I watched them in, and does not reflect any standing other than that.  Also also, I get bored really easily, so if an anime doesn’t grab me immediately, chances are I’ll close it very quickly.  I’ve started a lot more anime than is on this list but got bored and closed it.  Hence, this list is almost entirely positive recommendations.  Also also also (I swear this is the last clarifier), I’ve been in a slice of life kind of mood, because my slice of life is boring and uninteresting to the extreme, so that genre is kind of over-represented here.  So with that being said, on to the list (sorry that it’s so long, I have an issue with verbosity).

Stein’s Gate: I started watching Stein’s Gate two years ago, but didn’t make it past the five minute mark, because I just didn’t get it.  I started watching it again a few weeks ago, and I still didn’t get it, but I persevered because I was bored and high on chocolate.  By the end of the first episode…I still didn’t get it. I continued to not get it until probably midway through the third episode, but when I got it, holy hell did it hit hard.  I absolutely enjoyed every second of this anime.  I loved watching Okabe’s journey from imagined insanity into actual insanity and then back again.  He went on a true hero’s journey, and I loved every second of it.  Miyano Mamoru gives a masterful performance (I always watch the subbed animes, and I recommend that everyone else does too).  The chemistry between Okabe and Kurisu is probably the best in anime that I’ve watched thus far (sorry Asuna and Kirito, your time has finally come).  This anime is rich with emotion, humour, tragedy, (some) romance, friendship, mad scientists and beautiful characters.  If you can stand being confused for the first three episodes, this anime will be an incredibly rewarding journey for you.  I highly recommend it.

Ao Haru Ride/Blue Spring Ride: I saw a clip of this anime in a seiyuu video and I fell in love with the art style and decided to give it a watch.  I have mixed feelings about this one.  On the one hand, the plot is interesting, although having watched similar anime, a lot of it is kind of cliched.  That being said, I did like the message of being true to yourself, no matter the cost.  And I appreciated the fact that Futaba (our main hero) wasn’t a stereotypical anime girl (although she really does cry a lot and I agree with Kou that it is annoying). I found Kou (our love interest) a very interesting and compelling character.  The clear winner of this anime though is the art style.  It is beautiful to look at.  Unfortunately, the first season ends on kind of a cliffhanger, and there doesn’t appear to be a second season coming any time soon, which is really disappointing.  If you like high school romance stories with an edgy bad boy in it, then this is the anime for you, but don’t expect a satisfying ending, because, well, there isn’t one.

Stein’s Gate 0: I watched this because my friend said that it made her cry after every episode (I personally didn’t think Stein’s Gate needed a sequel, but oh well).  Based on her recommendation, I went in with high expectations, which were kind of mostly unmet.  The plot was way more confusing, less compelling, it felt like the stakes weren’t that high, mostly because they were only introduced way later in the series (I know Stein’s Gate did the same thing, but it somehow felt more shoved in with this one) and because we already knew how it would end. Also the ending felt incredibly rushed. The only episode I really wholeheartedly enjoyed was the reunion between Kurisu and Okabe (sounds weird out of context, but I’m trying to remain spoiler free).  For the rest, I was left with mixed feelings, although I have to say, I probably love Okabe even more in Stein’s Gate 0 and Miyano Mamoru gives us another stunning performance.  I would probably have been happier if this entire series had just consisted of Okabe trying to move on from the fallout of what happened in Stein’s Gate and there was no drama of World War III.  So, I guess if you’re curious to see what happens if Okabe does not look for Stein’s Gate in the previous season, this is for you.  Honestly though, I’d probably be happier if I hadn’t watched Stein’s Gate 0.

Shigatsu wo Kimi no Uso/Your lie in April: THIS ANIME OH MY GOSH!!!!  I did not even know that this anime existed until I saw it on Kaji Yuki’s Wikipedia page (I’m a fan, so what?).  He’s barely in this by the way, but that doesn’t matter, because this anime is amazing.  I knew how it ended because I unfortunately saw spoilers when I was reading what the plot was about when I was deciding whether or not to watch this, and I still cried for about an hour after the ending (and I don’t cry easily, especially not with anime).  The writing here is probably the best in any anime I’ve watched (yes, better than SNK, the king has been toppled from his throne), the soundtrack is amazing (I’ve been listening to it on repeat for a week now), the acting is beautiful, the artwork is gorgeous (apart from Kosei’s disappearing glass frame, that was weird), and all around, this anime is just…perfect.  If you enjoy teenage romance and drama, if you love classical music, if you feel like bawling your eyes out for an hour because right now your life is pretty boring and pointless, then this is the anime for you.  And even if you aren’t any of those things listed, I still recommend this anime because it is gorgeous and deserves recognition for how incredible it is.

Welcome to the NHK: this is probably the direct opposite of Shigatsu wo Kimi no Uso in every way possible.  I haven’t finished this anime yet because it is extremely heavy, and I can only manage two episodes a night, but I still highly recommend it.  It’s a fascinating take on a lot of modern Japanese culture, specifically surrounding mental health, the hentai industry and consumerism. It’s also got a lot of black comedy in it, which I love.  All in all (and depending on the ending of the series), I highly recommend this one for its interesting writing and plot and excellent acting.  

Lovely Complex: honestly, this anime sort of crept into my heart as one of the most adorable, refreshing, hilarious and unexpected love stories of all time.  It basically tells the story of two idiot friends who slowly realise they’re in love with each other, how this impacts their friendship and how they navigate the very dark waters of teen romance.  If you’re looking for an uncliched high school romance anime, where the heroine is the opposite of a cute anime girl, where the broody handsome guy is not the object of our affection and where you get flashbacks of just how dumb you were as a teenager and how grateful you are to be out of that age group (if you’re my age I mean, I’m mostly talking about myself here), then this is definitely the anime for you. Also, the opening song is ska, how cool is that?

Orange: another time traveling story, except the time traveling is even more confusing here. Just kidding, the time traveling is probably the least interesting part of this story, which examines suicide, depression, guilt and bullying, and does it in a pretty mature way.  Our hero (dear lovely confused Naho) is unfortunately not very smart, but that’s ok, because she has Suwa, the best human being in the whole world, to help her out.  Honestly, this story would have ended very differently if Suwa had not been around and he deserves every award that can possibly be given to amazing human beings. This anime is sort of 13 Reasons Why, but in reverse, less exploitative and with better friends (you’ll understand what I mean when you watch it).  If you aren’t going to be triggered by discussions of suicide, depression and bullying, then I really do recommend this, as it is very interesting, well-performed, and largely well-handled.

So that’s my anime watch list thus far.  I plan to finish Welcome to the NHK soon, and then start watching Mushishi, as I’ve heard a lot of great things about it.  Also, now that you guys have seen what my tastes are, I would love it if I could get more recommendations.  Lord knows, I’m not going to be doing anything else until I can find a way home, so I might as well expand my horizons.  Also also…no, that’s it.  Have a good quarantine folks!

[dear-yandere]

lots of ilya q&a below - part 1

tw ... mentions of noncon and murder.

[ part 2 ] 

question:  so Ilya wouldn’t like a cop out of principle but what it,, Ilya had a darling but a (yandere?) cop investigating his case,, ALSO likes ilyas darling.. (obviously this would only be fun if the cop is rly competent and an actual threat)

answer: ilya believes that because he’s suffered, he should have a “free pass” to inflict suffering onto others, so of course he isn’t fond of having someone on his tail that constantly gets in the way of his fun. still, anything that staves off boredom is a plus in his book.

whether the cop is yandere or not, ilya isn’t fond of sharing his darling with the likes of an officer. simply put, this rival poses a threat to taking darling away (basically being a cockblock). ilya’d be sure to use the cop’s feelings to mock him, such as mentioning how wonderful darling is in bed, what a wonderful shade their skin turns when he chokes them to near-death, or – worst of all –  how popular darling’s pictures / videos have become on the dark web.

in reality, ilya has the upper hand in this situation. he’s avoided the cops for so long, what’s another one? then again, this devil-may-care mentality will surely be his downfall if the cop is competent enough to catch him.

question: Also sorry for spamming u I’m just in a mood rn- If Ilya likes hurting adults but wants to protect kids, how does he feel abt teenagers? Cause i feel like if I was an adult I’d see teenagers as kids so like are teenagers more like kids or more like adults to him? Also I thought it was rly funny that ppl seemed 2 prefer being ilyas partner in crime over being his darling but like if I had to interact w him I’d want him to protect child me lol cause I just want someone to watch out 4 me,,

answer: considering the amount of distasteful and illegal things he comes across involving minors on the dark web, anyone under the age of consent (or that looks too much like a child) is a kid in his eyes. even if he met an adult that looked young enough to be underaged, he’d feel uncomfortable with assaulting / killing them even after learning their age.

and i agree! ilya would’ve actually made a wonderful kindergarten or elementary teacher had his life played out differently. i was a bit shocked people preferred being his partner in crime, but it makes sense since they’d be prolonging their lifespan should they have the misfortune of meeting this man.

question 1: Can I ask how Ilya would react to a darling who cant die? Or dies but comes back to life each time? I’m torn between thinking he’d be frustrated because his ultimate show of love won’t stick or ecstatic that he has someone he can kill over and over again

question 2: I wonder how Ilya would react to a darling he COULDNT kill, maybe because they were immortal or simply always managed to stay just out of his reach. Perhaps they even returned a bit of his feelings but never as much as he wanted, never enough to die for it. - jinxdere

ilya would probably go through the stages of “grief”.

he’d be angry and distraught at first, adamant about maintaining his denial toward the situation. he’s never encountered a darling who couldn’t die; the moment he slit their throat, he expected them to never come back, to never question his love in such a way as to live. 

during the bargaining stage, he’d distance himself for a while, at least until he comes to terms with it and decide what to do.

during the depression stage. rather than be ecstatic that he can kill his darling over and over again, he’d feel an equal amount of anger as he does love. above all else, ilya wants to have fun, to cope with his problems by hurting as many people as possible. to him, killing others is his way of spreading his twisted version of love; he wants to kill as many people as he possibly can because he wants to love everyone. really though, this is an excuse to make as many people suffer as he possibly can. because he was wronged in his life, he wants to drag others down to his level. therefore, he’d rationalize his options and eventually decide to begrudgingly accept his darling’s immortality.

during the acceptance stage, he’d be willfully ignorant. he’d abandon this darling, sending them far away and telling them to never seek him out again; and if they do (especially if they fell in love with him), he will make every death more painful than the last. he wants nothing to do with them simply because they represent something he can’t overcome in life; ilya is fascinated by the marriage between death and love, and this particular darling is challenging his entire world view. he’d rather remain ignorant.

so basically, while he isn’t fond of having more than one darling at a time, he’d shun this immortal darling and no longer think of them as his. this seems counterintuitive, but a big part of ilya’s character is his hypocrisy and ignorance. they define who he is and act as a reminder of his past and innate psychopathic tendencies.

question: if u say Ilya has always had psychopathic tendencies, would he still be where he is rn if he had a good childhood? And I wonder like.. apathetic ppl/characters are often into morbid stuff and don’t care about hurting others but when u strip that down isn’t that just following your desires? Like are people like that obligated to be into violent stuff? Cause if Ilya just really liked collecting fish there’d be no issue.. I kinda think it’s a way to lash out at the world without letting it get 2 u

answer: i hope i understood this question correctly.

i can’t speak for actual psychopaths or serial killers obviously, but ilya is willfully ignorant and hypocritical. it’s his way of ‘lashing out without letting it get to him’ – his way of coping, basically. if he had a good childhood, it’s certainly possible he wouldn’t have treaded this path. however, childhood is only one factor that can push psychopaths over the edge. people who are apathetic or into morbid stuff aren’t obligated to be into violent things, especially as there can be some other mental issue at play; take narcissistic personality disorder for example. i personally know someone who likely has this disorder, but they are not into morbid / violent stuff even though they may lash out violently or disregard hurting others at times. i agree that your evaluation is probably correct in this situation too: lashing out is a way to cope.

now, if ilya’s parents had been more attentive, they would’ve noticed their son’s unsettling tendencies. killing animals is a big indicator of something greater at play and i’m sure they would’ve taken him for a psychological screening. i’m no doctor or psychiatrist (i’m not even in the medical field), but i imagine that with early detection and proper therapy, ilya might’ve been a normal person. would he still be into morbid things and have all the extreme kinks he currently does? yeah probably, but to a much lesser extent.

question: okay so u said Ilya knows he’s fucked up which is why he can’t have a kid BC he wouldn’t want them involved in that life so like.. if he knows he’s fucked up but still enjoys doing what he does, does he justify it to himself? Does he just not think about it? Like I often see evil characters be like “the world hurt me so I’m allowed to hurt others” - is it like that? Cause u said he’s a hypocrite and that’s quite hypocritical imo (if u know how bad it can be why make others suffer too yk?)

answer: part of it is that ilya is naturally sadistic and psychopathic, he doesn’t care if others suffer. even if he hadn’t become a serial rapist and killer, he would’ve had a clear disregard for others. he does justify himself and ignores his obvious hypocrisy. he realizes how much of a hypocrite he is, so it’s not that he’s an idiot or blind; it’s more of that he doesn’t give a damn about how selfish or contradictory he’s being.

you’re right that he thinks that he’s allowed to hurt others because the world hurt him, but it’s a bit beyond that. so for your question ‘why hurt others if you know how bad it can be’ – he gets off on it. even if he wasn’t the one committing crimes, he’d still get off on it. he’s similar to an incel that just stays in his room, complains about how the world is unfair, and watches porn all day, except more attractive, less whiny, actually gets sex bc he’s charming and doesn’t show his misanthropic side, and is into way darker porn than most incels probably are.

question: How would Eu-jin handle Illya taking an interest in his darling? I feel like things would get ugly fast.

answer: luckily, ilya doesn’t exist in the same universe as eu-jin or any of my other ocs! he’s human, so he’d get ripped to shreds pretty fast, especially by the overly-obsessive and protective supernatural (gumiho) eu-jin who hasn’t seen his darling in literal millennia. 

yuu wouldn’t even bother cannibalizing ilya, as he usually does with his prey; he’d find the Ripper far too disgusting to put in his own body, but he would torture ilya as painfully and slowly as possible. ripping off his fingernails one by one, removing his tongue so he can’t scream (much like the way ilya chokes his darlings), etc.

...so yeah, as soon as the hyper-aware eu-jin realizes that ilya is looking at the former’s darling with interest, it’d get ugly real fast.

question: What if when Ilya tried to kill one of his darlings but they manage to fight back and escape? I just see that throwing him for a real curve ball so I was curious to how he'd react.

answer: he’d be furious at first. to him, running away is the ultimate act of denying his love -- but, he’s a man that appreciates some fun every now and then. while he isn’t fond of darlings that fight back (especially when he’s about to kill them), having a darling who spices his life up every now and then is exhilarating. he’ll decide to play along with this darling’s little game of cat and mouse, and to be honest, he finds the increased risk of getting caught by authorities (should the darling get that far) fun. as i’ve mentioned before, ilya knows how much of a hypocrite he is and has long come to terms with his inevitable karma and death, he just doesn’t care enough to change his habits.

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #451

Top Ten British Films of My Lifetime

Here we are with another of my semi-regular “this has nothing to do with anything but I just thought about it” lists. Nothing to tie into, nothing to celebrate, just a moderately interesting topic. Hopefully.

I don’t feel like people talk about British films the way they did in the nineties. Maybe that’s just because I'm not a teenage wannabe film director reading Empire anymore so I'm not picking up on a meta-narrative or looking for ways into the industry, but I think it’s more the changing nature of the film “biz”. The nineties proved that there was a functioning film industry in Britain, and the subsequent rise (or return) of huge blockbusters filming here has meant that there’s always a lot of money flowing through British studios and companies. Star Wars, the Wizarding World, and James Bond are just three franchises where, whichever country owns the rights or the IP, there’s still a strong UK flavour to the productions, even if they have American actors and directors. Even indie films get money from all over the globe now, further muddying any attempt to define the nationality of a film. For a long time there, the Coens were making films for Working Title, so arguably they were British films too.

I'm going to insert a depressing caveat here and say that, with Covid shutting the cinemas and the government’s reluctance to offer ongoing support to the industry, there is a chance that our position as a great location or a destination for a raft of production and post-production services may be under serious threat. Like with Thatcherism, we could end up seeing a return to the bad old days of the eighties, when despite stone-cold gems emerging, the industry did struggle. But anyway.

Basically, I don’t always know if a British film is a British film these days, and their Britishness does not get ballyhooed as much as it did 25 years ago.  But all the same, for reasons undefinable (because Lord knows I’m not feeling very patriotic at the moment), I have here decided to list my Top Ten British Films. I’ve focused on “in my lifetime” because, well, it’s easier, and there are fewer huge films that I've missed. But like I always say, I'm not a journalist or a professional film critic, so there certainly are some huge films that I've missed. Off the top of my head, three very big films I've never seen are Naked, Sexy Beast and In God’s Country; maybe they would be on the list. Also, with the 2020 of it all, I've seen virtually nothing this year (Farmageddon and – is it British? – Cats are the only Brit-flicks I saw at the cinema before the Dark Times; if you’re after a review, well, Farmageddon is better). But, look, this is my list and It's utterly arbitrary, as always.

Rule Britannia, etc.

Paddington 2 (2017): yes, it’s utterly delightful, which we need more of in this day and age, but it’s also exquisitely constructed on a technical level. It's phenomenally well-shot, Paddington himself is an extremely good effect, the scripts are tight, the performances spot-on (give Grant an Oscar!)… honestly, this film is perfect. I try to be arch or cynical but I can’t. It's a masterpiece and it does not get enough love.

Withnail & I (1987): as sublime a piece of screenwriting as you’re likely to find, the film is also bolstered with two stand-out performances for the ages (three, really, if you include Uncle Monty). Simultaneously a hilarious character comedy, a gritty but nostalgic look at a lost decade, and an utterly tragic tale of self-destruction.

Brazil (1985): one of those films that’s disturbingly, increasingly prescient. A grim look at the future through a dirty lens, a visual tour-de-force, Michael Palin playing a delightful monster, pathos, romance, tragedy… almost certainly Gilliam’s best film.

Trainspotting (1996): utterly seminal; stands alongside Pulp Fiction as one of the definitive films of my youth. Boyle’s direction is so assured, Hodge’s screenplay distils an unfilmable novel into something utterly cinematic, and McGregor delivers an unforgettable performance. Cool, slick, funny, strange, tragic, and very, very British.

In Bruges (2008): another film with two people swearing a lot and just having terrific dialogue, this time against an ironically beautiful backdrop. A neat character study, great performances, devastatingly sad, just damn funny. Also inspired my wife and I to take a real holiday to Bruges, so top marks.

Hot Fuzz (2007): probably, on balance, the best of the Cornetto Trilogy, perfecting the intense montage-heavy style but giving us a bigger canvas, excellent action, a neat puzzle box of a plot (the forward-referencing is at its peak here), a series of increasingly amazing cameos, and arguably the best incarnation of the classic Pegg/Frost double act.

United 93 (2006): unlike many on the list, not one I’d relish watching again; a blisteringly tense, heartbreaking interpretation of the last moments of flight United 93 on 9/11. Taking something seemingly unfilmable, Greengrass gives us a thriller of the highest calibre, a director working at the top of his game to make something unbearable but unmissable.

Ex Machina (2014): it’s rare that a film can be a tense chamber piece and also a groundbreaking sci-fi and also a great special effects movie, but Ex Machina is that, as well as a directorial debut (Dredd rumours notwithstanding). Gleeson and Isaac are incredible in their cat-and-mouse relationship, Vikander is a revelation as Ava, and the whole thing is shot through with such assuredness, walking well-trod paths but absolutely giving us something new and interesting.

Notting Hill (1999): I kinda had to have a “traditional” romcom in here, of the kind popularised by the writing of Richard Curtis; I think common logic says Four Weddings is the best but I’ve always preferred Notting Hill as it’s simultaneously more focused (just dealing with Grant and Roberts) but also has a bigger canvas as it touches on celebrity and fame. As a piece of popular writing it’s exceptional; funny and genuinely romantic and moving, with a great central couple you’re always rooting for.

Brassed Off (1996): sneaking into my Top Ten, displacing the likes of The Descent, Richard III, and 12 Years a Slave, simply because its message of resilience in the face of governmental cruelty and its quiet depiction of nurturing northern socialism is striking a chord at the moment. Stephen Tompkinson should have been able to launch a Hollywood career off the back of this performance, and the late, great Pete Postlethwaite is a beacon of tragic, stoic heroism, especially in the climax of the film. The Fully Monty went into similar areas to greater financial success, but Brassed Off is the sadder film, the film that stays with you longer.

Right, there we are; a definitive list. Sorta. I’m kind of surprised there are so many relatively recent films up there; I thought it’d be full of stuff from the late eighties and mid-nineties (I’m note sure why I feel that “mid-nineties” needs a hyphen whilst “late eighties” doesn’t, but there you go). As I flicked through my mental album, however, I realised that a lot of films from that period I hadn’t seen in twenty years or more, and I just didn’t feel like I could justly rank them; A Fish Called Wanda, Time Bandits, The Company of Wolves, Educating Rita, The Cook, the Thief, his Wife, and her Lover, Secrets and Lies, Mona Lisa… all of these might have been included if either my memory was better or if I’d whacked a DVD on more recently.

Anyway, there you. Brits are good at some things. Obviously those things don’t include feeding hungry children or successfully negotiating international trade agreements, but there you go. Can’t have everything.

[omgviolette12]

Dark morning, Part 2

An AU Loki fic

Summary:  Lita sourly regretted going to his office. She should’ve stayed home, to work on her manuscript. Then she would head out to the daycare, and watch her cute little son play for a bit. Live in her ignorant bubble. But no, she just had to make him lunch, didn’t she?

Chapters: 2/3

Pairing: Loki/Original Character

Words: 2292

Warning: Angst, Implied/Referenced cheating

A/N :  A sad fic to match the gloomy, rainy weather rn. I love reading heartbreaking shit on occasion, so enjoy this two-shot of depression. Sorry not sorry. Inspired by @voila-tout‘s fic, “Little Do you Know”

---------

The first thing that Loki found alarming was the darkness of the house. Lita should most definitely be home about now. In fact, he knew she was home since her car was parked in the driveway. This puzzled him. The house would usually be filled with a delicious aroma, a warm glow of comfort enveloping the atmosphere. Her singing as she worked to prepare dinner. But silence reigned.

He held his son as he made his way further into the house, flicking the nearest switch to turn on the lights.

“Mmm... where Momma?” Uri fidgeted restlessly in his arms, wanting to be put down.

“Settle down Uri, your mother’s probably sleeping,”

That was the conclusion he drew up in his head, urging his son to return back to sleep with a gentle whisper. He didn’t have to do much urging however, the car ride making him sufficiently drowsy. He carried Uri to his room, placing him carefully into his cradle for a nap.

After that was done, Loki went to look for Lita, heading straight to their bedroom first. He hoped she was actually there, asleep.

Loki opened the door, and he found her immediately.

Her small silhouette sat by the large window under the cover of darkness, the cold air drifting in to ruffle the curtains above her. Since the window was open, her dress was thoroughly drenched because of the rain.

“Lita? Darling….”

He made his way over to her in large strides after turning on the light in the room, stooping beside her. Worry and confusion overtook his face when she did not deign to acknowledge his presence, her face turned stubbornly to look outside as the rain pelted against her face.

“How long have you been sitting here in the dark? Lita? You even neglected to pick up Uri. I did it for you, so you don’t have to worry. But, what happened? Why is the window open?”

“........”

No response.

Loki swallowed, the lump in his throat becoming extremely painful. It was decided. She knew...she most definitely knew. Why else would she be ignoring him so fervently?  But he had to ask, just to be sure.

He sighed, bracing himself for the inevitable outburst.

“Lita, did...did you come by the office today?”

But again, he was met with silence.

He shakily took a hold of her hand, holding it against his lips to kiss it, “Love...please. I know… I know what you probably saw was - was terrible. It was just...meaningless sex, I assure you. I only love you.”

Even with his outright confession, her body moved not an inch. She didn’t even revolt from his touch, or look at him with the disgust that he knew he deserved.

He began to grow frustrated, his expression twisting. He let go of her hand, moving to grab her shoulders full-on to turn her towards him, “ I know you can’t even look at me, but say something! Curse at me, tell me how much of a bastard I am. Hit me, anything! Don’t...don’t run away from me like this...talk to me,”

All he got in response was the patter of the rain against the windowsill.

Although her body now faced him from when he grabbed her shoulders, her head remained turned away.

He got up from his knee, moving to pace the room in frantic steps. He sat down on the bed with a loud thump, hands moving to cover his face.

Why in the world wasn’t she speaking?

She never ignored him before. Even in their most heated arguments, she always sought to speak with him about whatever it was that troubled her. Was his betrayal that shocking?

Tears threatened to overtake his eyes. Deep down...he knew it was.

Loki looked up from his fingers to stare at her, brows furrowed. Her body was like a statue, he could barely even make out a single twitch. Lita was positioned uncomfortably, her neck craned to look away from him, her hand hanging in the air from when he kissed it.

It hit him that something must be seriously wrong at that moment. This was not a mere act of malice.

He went to her once more, attempting to move her head to look at him. He was met with some resistance, but eventually, his eyes met her own. But although she now faced him, it was like she was staring into the void, her face expressionless.

Loki moved her arms up and down, and they would stay in the exact position he posed them in, like a doll. That was all the confirmation he needed to take her to the hospital. Her behavior was too abnormal.

But first, he had to get her warm. She was cold to the touch, which meant she was most likely sitting there, soaked for hours.

He released a shaky, tortured breath. The reason she was like this...it was all his fault.

In the first attempt to try and move her, he looped his arm underneath her legs in order to transition to a princess carry.

Well, it was an attempt. Because moving her was actually much harder than he anticipated. Lita was a small woman, and especially light on her feet. He had absolutely no issues carrying her previously. But it was like all her muscles seized up in a painful way, adding drastically to her weight.

Still, he never gave up. Now that he knew about the stiffness, he tried once more to -

“D…”

He paused, head shooting up to look at her face. It was quiet, so quiet he almost missed it. Was she trying to say something?

Her face was still mostly expressionless, with the exception of her trembling lips. It looked as though it took exceptional effort just to say a letter, so he waited patiently with bated breath, moving closer so he could hear her whispers.

“D….on’t. F….uh...c, in…..”

There was a momentary silence before she started once again, “Tuh...ch...m..me…”

Don’t fucking touch me.

Lita spoke slowly, with plenty of pauses. But her words translated loud and clear, slapping him across the face.

He didn’t know what he expected her to say. His throat constricted painfully, her words hurting much more than he anticipated. But he understood that whatever hurt he felt in that moment didn’t even come close to what she was experiencing.

He swallowed thickly, blinking away the tears that were starting to form against his will, "I..I know. I'm sorry...please allow me to move you away from here, at least. The last thing I want is for you to get sick,"

Loki wanted to honor her wishes. He knew he’d lost any right to touch her, but he couldn’t and wouldn’t leave her there to get soaked by the rain any longer.

He resumed what he was doing, looping an arm underneath her legs, and held her against his chest.

Although Lita’s face was serene, he somehow sensed that she wanted to fight against his touch with everything she had.

Loki did not want to make her more unhappy than she already was, so he hurriedly went to place her on the bed. He covered her with the blankets, tucking her stiff feet underneath the covers, “...I will make some soup, to help warm you up. Uri’s sleeping, but he should be hungry right about now as well.”

He looked at her for a long time after he said those words, his expression sorrowful. If only he hadn’t fallen into temptation…then Lita wouldn’t be like this. He’d get to see the smile he loved so much, and hear her laugh…

Loki turned away sharply, marching from the room. He had to focus.

Although Lita loved to do the cooking, sometimes he would offer to make dinner on days she felt particularly stressed. She loved his chicken soup, so he set off in preparing it.

He worked diligently, so it was finished in about an hour. He went to check on Uri and saw that he was still asleep, then brought the soup over to Lita.

Loki’s heart drummed nervously, sitting on the bed next to her as he held the bowl of soup in his hands.

“I made your favorite soup. No carrots, just the way you would like it.”

She only stared straight ahead. It clicked for him that she couldn’t eat even if she wanted, and he doubted she’d be reticent to spoon-feeding.

He dejectedly placed the bowl on the side table next to the bed, then pulled out his phone “I’m going to call Thor, to help you into the car and watch Uri. I’m taking you to the hospital.”

The one-sided conversation was slowly starting to make him feel sick, so he left the room as he dialed Thor’s number.

“Loki!”

Thor burst through the door loudly, looking absolutely enraged, “Where’s Lita?!”

Thor cared for Lita as if she was his own sister, so to hear the nonsense that Loki spoke over the phone…the anger he felt for her was palpable.

Loki was waiting for him, his expression cold. “Hello, brother.” He was immediately lifted by the collar, Thor bringing his face dangerously close to his, “I have every mind to hit you where you stand, Loki. Just...how could you?”

Loki closed his eyes, his true sorrow masked with indifference. “Then do as you will, Thor. Though I doubt it would change a thing.”

Thor’s eyes nearly glowed red, but he lowered his fist, shrugging Loki away from him, “...Where is she? I’ll take her to the hospital. Watch over Uri instead.”

“No. I am her next of kin, her husband,” he adjusted his collar, looking off to the side as he spoke, “It would be more useful to the doctors if I was there, to answer questions.”

“You have no right to call yourself her husband.” Thor turned sharply, “Take me to her. I’ll help her into the car.”

Thor allowed the tears to flow from his eyes as he saw Lita’s state, moving onto the bed to pull her into an embrace. Her hands laid limp at her sides as he hugged her, “I’m so sorry, Lita. You do not deserve this.”

As Loki requested, Thor carried Lita to the car, placing her in the back seat. He put a blanket on her lap to help keep her warm, then buckled her in. “She’s ready now.”

“...Thank you, Thor.”

Thor only shook his head, his voice laced with disappointment, “Just make sure she’s okay, Loki. I’ll watch the little bean sprout.”

With that, he left Loki to take her to the hospital.

-------------------------

Catatonic Depression.

That was what the doctor said, yet he had problems comprehending it.

The doctor had asked him a plethora of questions about her general health, since Lita clearly was unable to answer. The questions then took a strange turn when the woman asked him if she suffered from depression in the past, and started to move Lita's limbs about experimentally.

“Her...sister recently passed, and she would have periods where she would just...stare blankly into space. But, things have never progressed like this before.”  Loki knew that wasn’t the only reason. But he didn’t want to surface his shame.

“And she was only like this when you came home, correct?” Loki simply nodded his head.

“She has most of the symptoms of catatonia, so we’ll have imaging studies done to ensure there isn’t a tumor, or another underlying condition.”

The doctor turned towards him then, “But based on what you said, it’s most probable that she’s suffering from catatonic depression. She’s had history, so this is a likely diagnosis.”

She placed Lita’s arms down back to the bed, writing down notes on her pad, “I will discuss treatment options after the results are in, so I suggest checking her in for a few days.”

Loki’s face paled. Whatever Lita had, it sounded serious, “Cat...Catatonic depression? Forgive me, but I’m clueless as to what that is,”

“It’s a subtype of depression, which means a person may appear speechless or motionless for periods at a time. Hmm...it’s still unclear what causes it, but factors include a history of depression, the passing of a loved one, or any event equally shocking in nature. This isn’t to be taken lightly, as it can hinder her daily life in the future.”

Loki’s entire body felt weak as he sat by her bed, his pallor now a sickly shade. The doctor noticed his distress, and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, “I say this, but it’s very treatable with the correct approach. Lita has a high chance to recover.”

He was no longer listening, his body listless. How couldn’t he have noticed that things were this bad? He ignored all the signs of his wife’s growing sadness, to instead seek pleasures of the flesh. Loki recalled Thor’s words. He had no right to call himself her husband.

In the next few days, he watched over Lita from afar, not wanting to upset her too much with his presence. He wanted her to recover as quickly as possible, so he made his presence scarce. Most of his family visited, however, with Thor bringing Uri in to see his mother.

Slowly but surely, she started to recover. She was placed on medication that proved effective, and she was starting to speak and move again.

He watched from the door window as she slowly ruffled their son’s hair, hugging him to her chest as she spoke to Thor. For the first time in a while, she was smiling.

That smile may never reach his direction ever again...but it made his dark morning a tad brighter.

A/N: I may or may not do a part 3. I have trouble deciding. 

[the-glitter-acetylcholine]

Harry Potter characters that were criminally underused (in no particular order)

(MAJOR SPOILERS)

Luna Lovegood - literally only introduced like halfway through the fifth book, yet probably the most influential ravenclaw character. Her odd mannerisms and odder outlook would have made her a fabulous addition to the golden trio’s shenanigans, yet she only serves this purpose in one case

Mad-eye Moody - he’s “well-developed” in the fourth book, and we get a lot of content of him... only to discover it wasn’t him at all. Then, he briefly appears with the order and then dies. Great. What a wonderful use of a skilled fighter and mentor.

Remus Lupin - okay, so he does get the whole third book but then... he just fucks off? Ofc then he, too, returns to fight with the order, fall in love with a woman half his age, have a baby with her, and then die immediately thereafter. He’s just such a cool guy with so much to offer to Harry and to readers (when it comes to insight on discrimination in the wizarding community) and he just doesn’t get a chance to do nearly enough. What a wasted opportunity.

Pravati and Padma Patil - yeah, these are two different characters, but we know so little about them that I can’t even discuss them individually. They’re twins in different houses! How cool! There’s so much to be explored there, especially considering the competitive atmosphere among houses that Harry perceives. Not to mention the fact that they inexplicably agreed to go to the Yule Ball with Harry and Ron respectively despite a) apparently not knowing them very well and b) not even being all that desperate to hang out with them at the ball (I think Padma asks Ron to dance a few times and then gives up) (side note: this made me extremely mad when I was little, because I had I major crush on Padma). What compelled them to do that? What are they like? What are the differences between them that caused them to be sorted into different houses? Gah, they could have been so interesting!

Cho Chang - this is one that makes me genuinely a little mad (same goes for #6). She’s just so two dimensional, and that’s really not fair. She’s a decoration on Harry’s arm for what? A year or two? And she then cries, dates Diggory, and then she cries again (I think she dates Diggory first but you get the point). HER PURPOSE IS NOT JUST TO CRY OVER GUYS. She’s a ravenclaw. Let’s hear about that. Where do her interests lie? Is she an academic? Is she an artist? What kind of intelligence does she have, what kind of knowledge does she seek? What made her like Harry to begin with? Did Harry ever like her for more than her “sleek black hair” (not a direct quote, but I’m sure it’s described as something to that effect)? I want to knowwwww

Lavender Brown - aka... Ron’s brief, annoying girlfriend? The precursor to Romione? I mean, was this girl even in the D.A.? Maybe she was, but I don’t remember, and that’s the problem. She’s a Gryffindor. She’s brave, she’s headstrong, she’s proud! But she’s only ever portrayed as overbearing and clingy which SURE, may be some of her traits, because she’s allowed to have flaws, but that’s not all she is. I want to see her relationship with Pravati and Hermione, who she roomed with for six years (beyond her annoying Hermione when she dated Ron). But nope! I guess she’s just another accessory!

Nymphadora Tonks - i.e. Tonks. She’s funny and brave and powerful, but we barely get to see her in action (yes, before you ask, i had a crush on her, too). She’s interesting, so interesting, because her emotions are often expressed through her appearance, and she undergoes like two full personality shifts throughout the books (it’s worth noting that she’s also introduced pretty late in the series, book five, i think). She’s depressed for a while, then she falls in love, gets married, and has a son (and then dies), and, while it seems like this is a lot of usage (which it is), I can’t help but wish we had seen a little more of it all, specifically of her falling in love and of her married life, of her motherhood, before she died.

Xenophilius Lovegood - literallly (i would argue) one of the most interesting characters in the series, despite the fact that (I think) he is only featured heavily in one scene. I would definitely call him a more complex character than Snape. In his one scene, Xenophilius offers the golden trio one of their most important lessons through the Tale of the Three Brothers, the story which ultimately wins them the war against Voldemort. And yet, it’s a trap. He’s stalling, keeping them around so that Voldy’s goons can come pick them up and presumably kill them, or at least imprison them until Voldy comes ‘round again. But, and here’s the important part, he does it to save his beloved daughter. His daughter, who is the only family he has left, after his incredible scientist-witch of a wife died doing what she loved. The Lovegood’s are a family of inherently good people, yet Xenophilius sides with the very people who took his daughter in a weak effort to get her safely back. His plan won’t work, they won’t return Luna. They DON’T return her, but Xenophilius is fundamentally weak, made weak out of his love, and his fear of losing the last person in the world he has to care about, to protect, to love. He’s just SO DAMN INTERESTING ughhhhh give me more Xenophilius pleaseeeee

Kingsley Shacklebolt - he’s??? so cool??? Literally he’s just awesome, but we barely see him. He acts as a spy, essentially, when the ministry gets taken over by the death eaters, and helps the order actually get shit done, but he’s just so underused. Idk, I don’t have much to say except that he’s awesome and I want more Shacklebolt content

Cedric Diggory - he’s actually talked about a fair amount, so I don’t think I need to say much, except that he is literally the nicest guy ever, and, despite Harry actively hating him for like a whole year, he helps him in the Triwizard Tournament and represents Hufflepuff beautifully as being more than just the “miscellaneous house”. But then of course he’s killed before he and Harry can become friends, and before readers get a chance to understand anything about his social status (is he the asshole popular guy or sweet quite guy???) or motivations. Of course.

Percy Weasley - aka MY FAVORITE WEASLEY KID. R*wling did my boy so dirty. He’s cool because he’s kind of a stuck up academic asshole stereotype, or at least Harry perceives him as such, and then he changes slightly over the years as he and Harry both grow and mature and then it all culminates in his great moment of emotion and humanity! Fred’s death is, without much contest I think, the most devastating death in the whole series (Dobby could admittedly give him a run for his money, though), in part because he’s just so damn sweet and funny and innocent, and in part because right before it we FINALLY get to see Percy smile. He smiles at a dumb joke Fred makes, and then Fred DIES (a well placed death, I’ll admit begrudgingly), and just the juxtaposition of the moment... *chef’s kiss*. And then we never really check back in on Percy, and we don’t really get enough closure on that moment. :/

Colin and Dennis Creevy - again, two characters stuffed together, this time because we actually know a fair amount about them and... they’re kind of the same character. Colin is obsessed with Harry, and so is Dennis. That’s about it. I just WISH we got a little more on these kids, on why they felt so drawn to him as this apparently untouchable hero among them. Were they abused? Orphaned? Abandoned? Did they have some sort of trauma in their lives that made them so attached to the idea of a savoir? Or did they simply regard Harry as most little boys might, as a cool sort of action figure character? The world may never know :(((

Susan Bones - God, I wish I had more to say about her. She’s sweet, she a hufflepuff, I think she helps Ron at one point in Herbology. Her aunt dies I think. Is she the one who had the rabbit at one point? Idk, she’s just one of those characters who’s so far in the background that she almost stands out, and I kinda just wanna know more.

Fawkes - yeah, I know he’s a bird or whatever, but he’s fucking cool, and we get a Fawkes-ex-machina in the second book and then he’s essentially inconsequential for like... forever. I want to know how he and dumbledore bonded, why his feathers in those two specific wands were so attracted to Harry and Tommy boi specifically, other than symbolism uwu. Does Fawkes have a moral compass, or does he simply follow Dumbledore’s orders? Could his loyalty potentially be changed?

Narcissa Malfoy - please, for the love of god, give the Malfoy’s a chance. At least Draco and Narcissa. Narcissa is essentially the flip side of Xenophilius’s coin. Her side of the family is shrouded in dark magic, but her priority is keeping her dear son safe. I just want to know her and her inner struggle more intimately, because she’s such a contradiction, she’s a death eater who loves and protects, a dark magic user who wants to create something warm and beautiful for her family. She’s scared for a husband, a top death eater, one of Voldemort’s personal faves, and scared for her son, who she knows is good at heart but who struggles through the first steps of death eater initiation out of a sense of duty, a duty to her and his father. She’s the intimate mother figure, yet she’s an antagonist, fundamentally speaking. Fascinating.

These are just some I thought of off the top of my head, I’m sure there are literally hundreds more, from the two guys from the Knightbus to Bathilda Bagshot to Nagini the legend (also wtf happened to her in the Cursed Child?? Nvm, I can’t even get into that shithole right now), and I have to admit that I still love Harry Potter, for its characters and it’s incredible world building, though R*wling is a massive piece of terf-y shit.

It’s important to note that I understand the purpose of flat characters, I understand the purpose of background characters, of undeveloped characters. What I’m pointing out here is that there was a lot of potential in these characters that was largely squandered because R*wling focused her energy on attempting to redeem Snape without a redemption arch, attempting to redeem Dumbledore with an inadequate one, and refusing to properly redeem Draco despite his well-developed arch, for some fucking reason. If you can’t tell, I’m salty, but I’m only salty because I care. Ily, have a good day!!

[trappingguy]

Rules!

1. Themes will vary with this blog. Mystery Incorporated is PRETTY dark at times, so it’ll be what you expect there. To that end, dark themes, violence and maybe swearing.

I will try my best to tag everything. These will be under the format of swearing tw. If you’d like me to tag anything specific, don’t hesitate to ask through anon / inbox / im!

I don’t have any triggers but I do ask you tag all of your NSFW (sexual) content.

Mun is of age, and as such I won’t be writing anything of the sexual nature with minors.

2. I’m private, which means I only write with mutuals (this is for my own sanity / comfort; everyone’s cool!). I’ll write with canon, oc, and crossover characters.

Although I’m private, when it comes to following people, I’m selective. We don’t have to have known each other prior to write!

As for following back, I usually take a week tops to do so - but if you’ve hit up my promo, I go through that eventually.

If it’s a crossover, I have to know the fandom and be at least a little bit confident with it. This is so I’m able to work with you, our thread and have muse for it.

I follow the tag #trappingguy. If there’s anything you want me to see, like dash commentary, just tag that and x-kit will alert me of your post! I may respond to ic stuff ic stuff if I’m feeling it.

In that sense, I’m chill with dash shenanigans with most folk, not just mutuals!

Absolutely no godmodding. It ain’t fun, fam. If you’re not sure what this term means, do look it up. This includes powerplaying, metagaming, and other things of that nature. This applies especially in fights if they happen (I’m chance-based and hope that you are too).

I can be picky with OCs. But rest assured, if you’ve followed me/interacted with my promo, I’ll always give your pages a read.

Please don’t be offended if I don’t want to interact with you (and please don’t try to guilt me into doing so!).

I DON’T CARE ABOUT AESTHETICS. I just think they’re pretty. If you don’t use formatting or anything like that, or heck - even wanna’ just do iconless rp - I have no problem with it whatsoever! It’s you, your writing and your muse I care about!

3. Please don’t rush me for starters or responses.

PLEASE understand that I have blogs galore and my muse tends to fluctuate; this can mean I’m everywhere at once and can end up neglecting a blog or two. It’s nothing personal; you know how muses are!

I have a full-time job (and I’m trying to get into screenwriting in my off-time) so sometimes I’m scrapped for time or exhausted. I’m also an introvert who deals with anxiety and depression, thus that may affect how much / how often I roleplay. If I don’t get chance to respond to anything ic or ooc, it’s nothing personal! Promise!

Chances are, I’ve probably has seen that bit of interactivity and just haven’t gotten around to responding yet.

My roleplaying style being para/multi-para, I may take a while to respond. I hoard drafts like a dragon - it’s really just the motivation to write and ship those out.

I hoard asks, but sometimes can’t find muse or interest for all of them. If it’s been a month or two, generally assume I’m not interested / can’t find muse for it. You’re free to send another though!

I answer asks from anyone - personals, rp blogs and anons. I’ll answer non-mutual asks occaisonally but I won’t be making threads out of them

4. Shippings? If they’re of similar age, sure!

If I don’t happen to be interested, don’t force anything on my character.

I do not ship incestuous ships. Do NOT follow/interact if you do.

The ship has to have chemistry; I’m generally shipping trash, but if they don’t click, they don’t click, sorry.

This is a multi-ship blog, meaning there will be more than one ship without them conflicting with eachother.

If you want to ship and I already have a ship of your choosing going with a duplicate, please don’t hesitate to hmu! My ships aren’t exclusive and each character/relationship portrayal is unique to me!

Relationships are eternal until you deem otherwise. If you’re not interested in a ship anymore, just let me know!

5. Whilst I am of age, I’m not aiming for sexual content on this blog (and will not be dealing with fetishes). The occasional joke is fine, but anything beyond that makes me uncomfortable, and I typically don’t recommend pulling it with my character if you’re interacting with me. 

6. About reblogs…

I am not a meme source, and reblogs clog up my activity. Please reblog any memes you find on this blog from their SOURCE. The exception to this rule is if there is no source; go ahead.

I don’t feel comfortable with Personals reblogging my IC or OOC posts, so please don’t do that. If I put something in the fandom tags for whatever reason (bar promos), you’re free to, though.

This goes for my art too unless it has the tag ok to rb, but otherwise only the person I drew it for can reblog it. If you wanna’ reblog something, I DO put it on my art blog eventually!

A few times is fine, as it happens, but repeatedly breaking these rules will result in me soft blocking you.

I try to participate in reblog karma as much as I can, but always reblog from the source/a meme source.

If a post or ask is for you, you’re free to reblog it to save it though - but only if you’re an rp blog!

7. I’m a para / multi-para blog, novella if I’m adventurous and have time. Whilst I may roleplay crack threads with shorter responses, this does not apply to all threads I write. This means:

I write my replies as detailed as I can muster, and length can range from 1 paragraph to 6.

Short responses (such as one-liners) in more serious threads where I’ve written a decent deal can instantly kill my muse for that thread.

Whilst I’d prefer for partners to at least somewhat match my length, it’s entirely up to you - just try your best and make sure you give me enough to work with. ♡

If my muse happen to go nuts out of nowhere - like, overboard - don’t stress too much about matching him.

8. Threads! You can yeet asks, memes, and even starters at me if I’ve liked a call! I’ll obviously have my own you can like.

You’re free to like starter calls even if we’re not mutuals; I can check out your blog that way. I still only write starters for mutuals though.

Starter memes are the BEST way to interact me because they just yeet a prompt at my face and really help me write starters. If you see me reblog one, send one!

If you want a certain verse, lemme’ know! Otherwise, I’ll probably default to a post-canon verse.

If you want to turn an ask into a thread, go ahead!

I don’t recommend writing starters for me unless we’ve discussed something. I don’t like to leave anyone hanging.

Please don’t assume things about my muse. If you’re uncertain about things, ASK.

IMs are open to mutuals, if you want to do any in-depth plotting. I also have Discord if that’s more convenient for you!

For the moment, I’m sticking PRIMARILY to Mystery Incorporated canon with some other media sprinkled in. It’s just because Fred has a lot of media to cover and I haven’t binged his stuff yet.

9. Guidelines on mains and relationships:

If we’re mutuals and we interact a lot, you’re welcome to ask me if I’d like to be your main!

Please don’t be offended if I deny, though; I typically want to pick those I trust to be my mains as well as people I can comfortably write with.

Not limited to them! I roleplay with duplicates galore so don’t be afraid to hit me up if you want to interact!

Pre-established relationships are a-okay in my book; if you have an idea for a relationship between our muses we can work towards, hit me up! I reblog those pre-established relationship memes every so often too. Romantic relationships link back to the shipping guidelines.

Also, friendship/family/rivalry relationships are EXTREMELY valid to me - so don’t feel scared about asking for them!

10. If you have any issues, please let me know and hopefully we can resolve it!

Mun is actually super nice, so don’t be afraid to hit her up!

I am absolutely terrible with IMs and Discord. I either respond quickly or days later, depends on my mood. Social anxiety tends to interfere with this (and more recently exhaustion from work) - but honestly, if you’ve sent something, I’ve likely read it and just haven’t gotten around to it yet! It’s nothing personal; trust me!

Please leave me out of drama; I’m here to have a good time, as is everyone else, and it pains me to see people arguing.

This is a little different with callouts - if I see anything on dash pertaining to any problematic users, I will take it into consideration and rb it if I believe them to be harmful.

11. To retierate, I tend to follow those that:

Write para and whom I feel my muse would click with.

Seem chill? Tone can really intimidate me honestly.

Have rules and about pages! Knowing the boudaries of my rp partners is super important as well as their lovely muses! Sometimes rules are enough, though, if you’re going to write the about eventually.

Tag their nsfw.

Don’t have massive icons - ie, have rp icons that take up an entire text post like 500x500 or something. I don’t want to clog the dash and it’s tiring to resize them.

…also, if I follow your hub blog (provided it doesn’t double as a personal), it generally means I’m cool with any blogs that are attached to it.

12. On threads…

If you’re not interested in a thread anymore, and would like to drop it, please let me know! I’d feel terrible if we’re both not having fun with it or if partners feel overwhelmed with the amount of threads we have.

Honestly, unless I let you know, our threads have no expiry date - so no need to worry about me dropping them without telling you. I can just be quite slow sometimes.

13. Mun does not equal muse! Anything my muse might say does not reflect on how I think unless I explicitly say so.

14. Know that if I follow you, I WANT to interact with you.

I literally couldn’t care less about follower counts. I care about YOU guys and our interactions.

15. Icons.

I make all of my icons by myself, however credit for the icon shape and psd goes here and here.

16. Rules are subject to change.

Please like this post if you’ve read the rules! You don’t have to, but it’s of personal reassurance to me if you have.