#except texting. texting is the only thing. and texting is all i have.

[dduane]

I just received a copy of a book I've been very much looking forward to by a favorite author, but the quality of the book itself is... not great. Cheap paper, weak binding, even a weird illustration of the main character on the cover that I'm having trouble believing the author approved. Obviously, I don't want to leave a bad review on Amazon or GoodReads or anywhere, as I'm 100% certain the content is as excellent as her other work. But how can I best let the publisher (Baen) know I'm disappointed without threatening to never buy her books again? Because, well, if this is the only option, I'm gonna keep buying them even in my disappointment.

Well, the first thing I thought when I read this was "Wow, I'm really glad I don't have anything in print from Baen at the moment except a couple of anthologized short stories." :)

As for the rest of it, let's take it point by point.

Adding a cut here, because this will run a bit long. Caution: contains auctorial bitching and moaning, painful illustrations of cases in point, and brief advice on how to complain most effectively. (Also links to paintings of cats.)

Cheap paper: This has been an accurate complaint since well before COVID—and it's often been worse since, with supply chain issues also being involved. That said: one way publishers routinely save money on printing books, especially the bigger ones, is by going for thinner/cheaper paper. I remember one of our UK editors going on at great length and with huge annoyance—during one of those late-night convention-bar bitch sessions—over how the only way they could get some really good books published (because Upstairs insisted on reducing the per-copy production costs) was by reducing the paper quality to the point where you could nearly read through it. Sacrificing decent text size(s) also became part of this. Nobody in editorial was happy about the result: but there wasn't much they could do.

Bad bindings: Similar problem. Sewn bindings used to be a thing in paperbacks... but not any more: not for a good while, now. These days, it's all glue. Even hardcovers are showing up glued rather than sewn. Don't get me started. :/ (This is why I so treasure some of the oldest paperbacks I've acquired, which are actually sewn.)

Crap covers: I've had my share of these—though my share of some really good ones, too. And one of the endless frustrations of traditional publishing is that the writer routinely has little or even no influence over what the cover will look like... let alone how much will be spent on it, or (an often-related issue) how good the execution will be.

There are of course exceptions. If you're working at the, well, @neil-gaiman -esque level or similar in publishing, a lot more attention is going to be paid to your thoughts. You may even be able to get "cover veto" written into your contracts, so that if you disapprove, changes will get made. But without actual contractual stipulations, the writer has zero legal recourse or way to withhold approval. (And I bet even Neil has some horror stories.)

The normal workflow looks like this. After a book's purchased, its editor and the art director discuss what it's about and what the cover should look like. The art director then hires an artist and tells them what to do. After that, the artist executes their vision and gets paid. It is incredibly rare for a writer to have any significant input into this process. And as to whether or not they approve of the final result, well... the publisher mostly just shrugs and goes back to eyeing the bottom line, muttering "Who told them they get a vote?"

Now, I've been seriously lucky to occasionally be an exception in this regard. In particular, my editors at Harcourt (when Jane Yolen and Michael Stearns were editing Harcourt's Magic Carpet YA imprint) would ask me what I thought would be a good idea for the next Young Wizards cover, and I'd think about it a bit and send them back a paragraph or so about some core scene. They'd then talk to their art director, and after that send their notes and mine to Cliff Nielsen (who started doing the covers for the hardcover and mass-market paperback editions of the series in the mid-90s) or to Greg Swearingen (who was the artist on the digest-format editions). And the results, by and large, were pretty good. ...I also think affectionately of the UK artist Mick Posen, who insisted on seeing pictures of our cats before painting the covers for the Hodder editions of The Book of Night with Moon and On Her Majesty's Wizardly Service (the UK title for To Visit The Queen).

But this kind of treatment is a courtesy—not even vaguely suggested in the books' contracts, and very much the exception to the rule. And for every writer who's midlist, there are times when the luck runs out. For example: one time I wrote a book that was an AU-Earth-near-future fantasy police procedural, thematically pretty dark—dealing with issues of abuse of megacorporate power, institutionalized bigotry, and (explicitly) attempted genocide. And the cover, done by an artist who's a good friend and some of whose fabulous art hangs in our house, came out looking like this. It was... let's just say "not ideally representative."

So I was glad, when my local workflow allowed it, to recover the current, revised version of the book with something at least a little more apropos. But the original cover's not the artist's fault. He did what the art director told him... as a cover artist must do to get paid, and (ideally) to get hired again. At present, that's how the system works.

...So. You've got a badly-built and -presented book on your hands. How best to make your feelings known in some way that might make a difference down the line? (As you make it plain that you'll keep buying this author's books this way if you must.)

First of all: when (as part of my psych nursing training) we were taught how to complain most effectively, we were told that the first and most basic rule of the art is this:

Only Complain To Someone Who Can Actually Do Something About Your Problem

So I salute your desire not to waste your time taking the issue to the reviews on Amazon, or the pages of Goodreads... because they can't do anything. The odds that anyone from production at Baen is reading the comments there strike me as... well, not infinitesimally small, not being hit-by-a-meteorite-while-in-the-shopping-center-parking-lot small... but really low.

So: write to corporate.

In your place I would go online and rummage around a bit to find out who's on record as the publisher at Baen. I would then write them a letter on paper. And I would lay out the problem pretty much as you laid it out up at the top.

The tone I think I'd choose would be the more-in-sorrow-than-in-anger approach. I'd say, "I write to comment about your recently published book by [X Writer], whose work I love. I have to say, though, that I don't think the cover on [X Book] is terribly representative of the quality of the prose inside. And also, the construction and production quality of the book itself was a disappointment to me because [here spell out why].

"I'd really like to see [X. Writer's] books succeed with you, and I'd like to buy more of them without wondering whether I was going to be disappointed again. But if this is typical of how they're being produced, I'd also be concerned that the state of these books is setting up a situation in which the author's sales will be damaged, and you would stop publishing them... which would really be a shame. Whereas on the other hand, better production quality could keep previous purchasers coming back and buying, not only more books by this author, but books by others whom you publish."

This phrasing, as you'll have seen, walks a bit wide around the issue of your further purchases, while directing attention toward the bottom line... which will routinely be what the publisher's looking at from day to day. And—being, one has to hope, in possession of the wider picture as regards what's going on with their production costs—maybe they can actually do something about it.

Anyway, nothing ventured, nothing gained, yeah? It's worth a try. All you can do is hope for the best.

And finally: please know that I admire your commitment to the author: whoever she is, she's lucky to have you. It's a terrific thing to have readers who'll willing to spend the time to hunt you down, and who're willing not to judge a book by its cover. :)

[ilylovelyz]

⍣ ೋ after the break up (prt 2)

˚ · . kenma kozume, iwaizumi hajime, tsukishima kei, ushijima wakatoshi & atsumu miya (prt 1.)

KENMA KOZUME — he feels really stupid. kenma does a lot after the breakup in order to distract himself. he buys more games, staying up until it's almost dawn. all of his attention goes into his video games and other devices that he completely stops taking care of himself subconsciously. it's only when he's lost almost 10 pounds is when he realizes how neglected he's become. it happened so fast it confuses him. why didn't you remind him to eat? or shower? oh.. right, it's because you broke up with him in the first place. still, he tries to forget. it's one night playing a game when he's dissociating randomly thinking about you does it all hit.

Super Mario Bro's plays in the background of his room. for once, his fingers are still but his eyes are locked on the pixilated screen in front of him. his eyes are red and dialted due to the bright screen contrasting to the dark dead of night. this game was very expensive, vintage and one of a kind—yet he's subconsciously stuck thinking about you.

did you know he thought about you so frequently? did you think the same of him? he drops the console, fishing his phone out from below him. his fingers tap on the keyboard, searching up your name into his contacts. he notices the last time you texted him was over a month ago. oh–, right. you broke up with him. right. kenma drops his phone back down, laying his face down into the same giant kirby plushie you bought him a long time ago.

a soft sniffle escapes through the thick material, mixing in with the almost taunting upbeat cartoon music.

IWAIZUMI HAJIME — your breakup was done on good terms. he was moving to the U.S., you were staying in Japan. neither of you knew the relationship wouldn't withstand such a long distance relationship so the relationship came to an end. the two of you still call and text over random things, but it's not like how things were before. time passes, and the two of you have less and less contact. iwaizumi is doing his weekly stalking of your Instagram when he realizes you've posted a photo of yourself.. but you aren't alone.

iwaizumi sighs with content when he's finally allowed to sit down, his legs sore from harsh muscle training. as always, he checks his phone. once he's finished going through his messages, ignoring almost everyone except his mom, he comes across your contact. the last you spoke with him was almost a year ago. he frowns, he wishes the two of you kept in contact, but you both were just so busy.

curiously, he indulges in his guilty pleasure and opens up instagram. as if on autopilot, he searches for your online handle. you both follow each other, but of course, never speak. he mindlessly scrolls through your highlights and posts, ending up on your most recent one. it's you. his heart flutters at the sight of you once more. even through a screen, you're still as beautiful as always. you're glowing and radiant as always.

his childish smile soon disappears when he realizes someone has their arm wrapped around you. a guy. a guy who is looking at you with the same loving look iwaizumi would give you long, long, ago. iwaizumi uninstalls the app shortly afterwards.

TSUKISHIMA KEI — he avoids you. he pretends you don't exist altogether. his heart cringes whenever he hears you around, regretting immensely when the two of you arranged your classes together in the previous year. it's childish. no, he's childish. especially because the breakup was more of his fault. still, he hides the fact that his heart is broken. he treats you like everybody else with such hate and bitterness, and only realizes how stupid he's being when it's too late.

"hey kei." you say, walking along aside the tall blonde. "do you want to work on the project together? sensei said that–," "i don't want to work with you." he says coldly. tsukishima doesn't even look to acknowledge you, staring straight forward as he walks. "o-oh, well i just y'know—" you stutter embarrassingly, "i just thought that because—" tsukishima finally stops in his tracks, swiftly turning to you, looking at you through clouded lenses.

"why do you keep on pestering me." his tone leaves you shocked. you can't even think of words to say, only able to let out incoherent stutters and mumbles. "all you do is stutter, it's annoying." tsukishima says nonchalantly, still looking at you with distain.

that seems to shut you up for now. tsukishima is relived when you do, if you talked to him anymore he probably would've accidentally spilled how he missed you. his relief is short lived when he sees the tears roll down your face and out of embarrassment, you quickly walk away from him. he's left standing still, gazing down at the floor. heart heavy and regretting.

USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI — he thinks he's alright but he doesn't realize he's distraught. he continues on with his life like normal, seemingly at peace and happy with whatever he's doing. but, he does have to admit, he's been feeling a bit more.. confused? more like agitated. outside of his calm demeanor to untrained eyes, he seems perfectly normal. but, to those who are close with them, they can see what's actually going on in that seemingly perfect head of his.

hazel eyes watch closely as you walk past. ushijima awaits for you to come up to him like normal, talk to him and pester him with a million questions once more. he hated when you pestered him, he wished you were more quiet and reserved... or did he? he's not sure. because now you are walking away from him, not saying a single word. hell, you barely acknowledge his presence. how do you not? he's everything you said catches your eye, tall and muscular build, with a handsome perfect face.

"y/l/n." he rumbles out. the boom of his voice finally catches your attention, finally spinning around to acknowledge him. you seem defensive, like a cornered cat, a single eyebrow quirking up at his call. "..ushijima-san?" his heart, for some reason, sinks into his gut with the formality use of his name. what happened to toshi? for once, his words are stuck in his throat and he struggles to come up with something to say.

seeing that he's yet to say anything, you hurry out of his presence, trying to be released from the gaze of the man you are forbidden to love. meanwhile, ushijima is realizing for the first time, that maybe he lost someone who he isn't fine with leaving.

MIYA ATSUMU — he's like a pitiful dog. he plays off the break up like it's nothing, even to your face, he just shrugged his shoulders and mumbled something under his breath and walked away. despite the two of you dating for a year, going through so many things together, hell, he even lost his virginity to you, but he still acts like it was nothing.. but everyone can tell it's not. much to his annoyance, even his twin brother tells him to take it easy following the break up. but he's fine. it was nothing. he definitely doesn't search for you in the crowd during his games, nor does he get the random pang of forgetfullness after school as if he should be waiting for you. he's fine.

a girl comes up to atsumu after his game, batting her long eyelashes and pouting her lips. "can i get your number?" she asks, making her voice as smooth as possible. atsumu blinks at her with a blank face before turning his back to her, ignoring her entirely. he ignores her whines and curses of embarrassment, his eyes scanning the emptying crowd.

"shes not here, 'tsumu." he hears a familiar voice say. atsumu snaps his head back to the direction of the voice, seeing osamu standing there with his hands in his pockets, eyes low and unamused. atsumu scoffs at his brother, "yah i know." the two of them wait in silence, but for what? what is he waiting for? suddenly, his ears perk up at a familar body frame, eyes darting to the source only to be severally disappointed with the sight of a person who looks like you, but isn't you.

"let's go home, 'tsumu." osamu says, walking past the blonde haired man. atsumu waits a couple more seconds, taking another quick scan of the crowd before he's hestiantly following his brother, shoulders low and eyes to the ground.

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[storgicdealer]

ok gang. its theory time

the analysis of the new mercenary scene. meta, blueprints and time

warning it is incredibly choppy because of the chaos i am in rn !!!!!! but anyways

okay so. the video cuts off at green&red defending themselves but i doubt that really means a lot

the glitching. it IS reminding me of the way chosens memories were scanned through. but mercs having a whole tv remote?? chosens memories mightve as well pushed them to use youtube ?? but why didnt they access it earlier ?? why vic didnt???

bc of these question im more willing to think they themselves decided to use youtube right now. maybe only right now !

this raises a ton of questions. does outernet have somewhat of an access to internet after all? is it just their own tech? (could be supported by the fact that if youtube was common there i doubt theyd be using specifically television for it. i feel like theyd use other screens instead without a need of a remote especially considering how advanced their tech is)

still possible that it is common. considering they aren't that focused on it and there are random workers in the bg literally enjoying the show

this whole thing is VERY meta lol but i do think the mercs are the ones that influenced the stream in this way

A BIG portion of alan drawing a flower from ava season 2 is paid attention to in the glitching scene for some reason ?? maybe as a note for his and secs alliance.

the video then cuts off and goes to victim again. the whole video was watched through

the stream cuts off to mercs. **RIGHT** at the moment chosen notices the freedom stick rights article. based on the vid it could be just primal messing with shit but i feel it was intentional. (ha. freedom? loser. we're here instead)

later. the video resumes at victim again. i didnt see any changes to vics or chosens ending.

okay. the mercs. pulling up screenshots for this one

i. cant decipher THAT much even though the quality is 1080p for me.

but i DO see that the first blueprint has as i suppose the hover ??

the text pinpoints "power core" and its pretty much the most readable thing for me. another one is kyokaz was here its just a cameo

the blueprint shows buttons? perhaps the controller of the hover? going to a circle thingy. perhaps what is working inside the hover

the whole thing on the left corner says f___ complex but i cant decipher

second screenshot. the blueprint left to the first one looks like a pc?? and its not surprising even in the screenshot itself bc. the mercs have one to the right corner behind em

now. third sc.

HELLO?

firstly. A VIC DRAWING????? WITH A GUN????

there is a possibility of it being any stick but. i feel its victim. in my guts

shooting?? what. for.

it is scribbled out . . .

there is a possibility (along with the self portrait of vics in the unused bg) that it was just. him doodling. it would kill me actually because he is no great artist like sec. just a doodler (<words of flareboi here)

now. this

again . the question how they accesed it.

if they can get youtube to open there. how did vic not know of the showdown. of sec

showdown was uploaded online. that was literally in canon !!!

unless there's a rule that not everything internet-like and youtube like can be accessible. but i dont really think of any implications that proved that

except. for the fact that showdown was already uploaded. before the ep even ended. would it imply time passing differently in both realms?

lord i needed to scream it out.

OH GOD !!!!!!!!!!!

[poppy-metal]

angsty patrick au where the reader is a holdover from his closest days with art, a friend of the two of them who didn’t know jack about tennis but was always there to cheer the two on. she stays friends with him after the rift forms between him and art, one of the few constant supportive presences in his life, the two of them becoming attached at the hip. she’s spent years pining for his affection in a non-platonic way, and he flirted and was physically affectionate in torturous ways (holding her hand, cuddling, manhandling, compliments that make her feel lightheaded) but patrick is patrick and never saw her that way. after years of only the occasional meaningless relationship used a balm for patrick zweig related wounds, she actually finds a partner she thinks she could go the distance with and thinks the only way it can really work, is if she distances herself from patrick a bit. after all, this might be her only chance to find someone who loves her how she hopes to be loved right? it cant just be her and patrick forever, and it cant be her and patrick and her partner. this distance makes him question everything, is there something wrong with him? did he make her get tired of him? why do all the people he loves end up away from him? why does his stomach turn when he thinks of a life without her close to him? why does he hate her partners face and voice and how they think they have the right to be with his best friend? (sorry for the novel lol i just had the thought)

why do all the people he loves always end up away from him? AW HELL

patricks the kind of mf to go all laurie from little women, "dont marry him," like you didn't give him YEARS to recognize you as a woman he could fall in love with or fuck or date and it just makes you want to cry and yell and throw things at him because yes, you're still in love with him, yes it feels good to hear him say those words but it also hurts - because its too late and you found someone who wants you and shows it and you have to hold onto that and he cant - he cant just be a spoiled brat who cant share his toys. you're not a toy.

except, you kind of are. your patrick zweigs favorite toy who's been plucked from his room and he wants you back and he IS spoiled and a brat and an egotistical asshole but you knew all that from the start and you still hung around, still fell in love with him, still stayed by his side. he's not going to let you go so easy.

and you can blame it soley on him all you like, if it helps you sleep at night, but you're the one always rising to the bait, always answering his texts, always meeting him under the guise of telling him to back off - only to end up clawing him closer when he drags you into a kiss. you can say you've moved on all you like, like you aren't wincing through sex with your partner and secretly anticipating the next time you'll be under patrick instead.

[mybworlds]

Chapter 4: Be different

Pairing: joel miller x f!reader (no use of Y/N) | Rating: 18+ Minors DNI | W.C.: 2.5k

Summary: Your life sounds perfect: you live with a perfect man, you live in your dream house, you do the job you love, you don't miss anything, except love and passion.

Warnings: no use of Y/N, use of you, reader is a photographer, reader has no physical descriptions except hair (no type or color) long enough to hold on to, unspecified age gap, Joel and reader are two cheaters, for a while. Smut, use of pet names, dirty talk, masturbation, unprotected PiV but the first time, creampies, comeplay, oral (both f and m recieving), exhibitionism, size kink, personal use of an unspecified sex toy. No outbreak here. Let me know if I missed anything!

Masterlist

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Thx for the dividers @saradika-graphics

Taglist @harriedandharassed

You laid in your bed for almost an hour, but you can't get to sleep, remorse preventing you from sleeping.

Patrick felt you tense all evening and tried to relax you by preparing a warm bath first, a massage later, and finally holding you close to him until he falls asleep. You try to close your eyes, but the image of Joel clinging to you, his crooked smile before kissing you or have sex with you haunts you all night long. When it's almost six o'clock, you text Daisy telling her you have important things to tell her, you're sure that given the hour she's still asleep, it's Monday, and you doubt she's out clubbing with some of her pilates friends.

"Honey, are you awake yet?" Patrick asks with his voice still slurred from sleep turning in bed toward you, you barely turn your torso toward him and mumble an excuse.

You are a liar.

"What's your schedule today?" he asks clutching you even tighter resting his head on your shoulder and encircling you with his arm.

"Nothing for today, in fact I was thinking of staying home," you answer him by settling on your pillow, but staying with your eyes open staring into the dark "What about you?"

"I'm going out around 10. I have to go to a company only." he replies giving you a kiss between your shoulder and neck, "Baby, I was thinking. . . what if we invited some friends over for a barbecue on Friday night?" he asks you "If you have plans, we could postpone." he adds giving you another kiss in the same spot.

You shrug caught by a shiver, "Patrick. . ." you mutter turning to him, you would like to tell him the thruth, but you know you will hurt him so much, but you have never been someone who lies, someone who keeps quiet about things of such gravity. You feel like a monster.

The guilt is eating you alive.

Patrick's lips are soft and immediately seek yours, which very shyly open, welcoming his tongue. You kiss him, but your eyes fill with tears.

How do the others betray and go on living as if nothing is wrong?

"Why are you crying?" he asks you turning on the bedside light and turning back to you worriedly, he gives you a kiss on the shoulder "You can talk to me, you know. I'm listening," he adds again.

"I know," you say bending your head toward him.

Part of you says talk to him, the other part that deep down it's true you betrayed him, but it won't happen again so why destroy a ten plus years relationship?

He wraps an arm around your waist and looks at you with sweetness and a little concern, "Love."

"Patrick, it must be that damn pill I take for my period!" you exclaim as more tears wet the pillow "Maybe among the side effects there's mood swings." you add almost sobbing and pulling up with your nose.

He holds you tightly to him, "It's okay, relax." with one arm you see him close the light and then return to wrap you in his arms "Sssh, it's okay, I'm here."

You love Patrick, but sex with Joel Miller was great.

"You had sex with the best man?!" Daisy exclaims with a smile and squinting eyes "And? Did he make you come?" she adds, almost shouting, as you shush her by looking around and hoping you haven't attracted anyone's attention, "So?" the meddler urges.

"Yes."

"Uh huh!" she exclaims taking a sip of her nonalcoholic drink "I want some sinful details, please let me dream. Jordan can only do it missionary style now! He's good for goodness sake, but I'd also like something new!" she complains, rolling her eyes.

"Don't make the same mistake I did," you comment sipping your fruity cocktail.

"Honey, between you and me there is a difference. Jordan and I are still fine, you and Patrick are in crisis even though you keep denying it." you sigh heavily "If this shake-up serves to clear your head welcome, in fact I suggest you find him again and have another greeeeat session."

"Daisy! Stop it." you exclaim, lowering your head "It mustn't happen again, in fact I hope I never see him again."

"But why? Honey, you could have had a guy who banged you on the bed to seek only his own pleasure and take the edge off, this Joel on the other hand, yes he fucked you, but he fucked you good."

"What do you know about that?" you ask her.

"You have a different light in your eyes, even if you think it's guilt." she comments, staying silent for a minute "So how many times did he make you cum?" she asks you mischievously.

"More than once."

"Oh wow, that's wonderful." she comments dreamily "He used his fingers?" she asks again.

"No."

She whistles in approval, "I want to meet him,"

"Daisy!" you scold her, squinting.

"I only want to tell him to have more meetings with you." you laugh nervously "And in what position?"

"Um. . . missionary, but he made me feel. . ." you search for words, but those words make you shudder because you don't want to feel that way and yet you do.

"Alive? Wanted?"

"Wanted." you answer.

"Will you look for him again?"

"As far as I know his first and last name could be made up, as could everything he told me about himself. After all, I did it first, I mean. . . yes I told him I was engaged, but after I had sex with him," you answer a little uneasily.

"What about him?"

"Nothing. Daisy, but he can't say anything, we're two strangers and it's normal that there's no implication other than physical between us." you reply, shrugging your shoulders. You continue to chat some more now about Joel, now about your jobs, now about some memories, finally you remember Patrick's proposal to you about the barbecue and you invite her and Jordan for Friday night, she enthusiastically accepts.

Patrick planned big things, he bought pounds of meat, potatoes, sandwiches to stuff, several bottles of beer and some wine, liquor, in short he buys anything so that your guests can leave and think they ate their fill and had a good time. You and Patrick invite many friends, those who are married, those close to marriage, those who like you are cohabiting, only a few are still single.

You devote yourself to setting up the garden by inserting among the branches of the saplings you have many small lights, you then put in just before your guests arrive even the outside speakers for some soft music to accompany you. It's perfect, it looks like a fairy tale garden.

Patrick observes as you the garden waiting for your guests by hugging you from behind, "You did a great job, my love," he says kissing you in your hair. You lean back against his chest "We did a great job" you correct him smiling.

The first guests arrive and Patrick gets to work, you meanwhile pour them drinks exchanging small talk with the two wives of your partner's friends, you show them around the house, in short you act like a perfect housewife. You bring the speakers outside and put on the playlist of soft music as you already planned, when you turn around you see yet other couples, some you know, some you don't, and then you see Daisy running up to hugging you glad to be there, Daisy is joined shortly afterwards by her boyfriend who greets you with a big hug too and a warm smile, then Jordan excuses himself and walks over to Patrick leaving you and Daisy to your chatter. Everything is going very well, Patrick cooked everything divinely, your guests are intent on drinking, eating, laughing, chatting, in short it's a very successful evening ber. You and Daisy are on one of the little white chairs in the garden and she's telling you a silly joke, when you turn to your guests and see a face you never, ever thought you'd see there: Joel Miller, assuming that's his name.

"Oh, shit!" you exclaim, suddenly giving your back to your guests as you turn fully toward your friend who looks at you puzzled, "What's going on?" she asks.

"He's here," you reply impatiently between your teeth.

"Um, he who?" she asks still puzzled.

"Him." you insist, Daisy assumes a surprised expression.

"Oh, and who is he?"

"I dunno." you reply full of fear "Why is he here?"

"Will you tell me who is among them? If you do that you draw even more attention, my friend." she says again "Oh, oh," she adds.

"And what are you doing here?" someone asks behind you.

You look with frightened eyes first at your friend and then turn toward the person who just spoke to you, when you do, you see Joel standing next to you staring at you with a frown, you turn for a moment toward Daisy, who raises her eyebrows and then says, "I'll see you later." then she stands up and after looking at Joel for a longer moment she reaches Jordan.

"What are you doing here?" he asks you again.

You get up from your chair, "I could ask you the same!" you exclaim.

"You made it!" Patrick exclaims behind you coming up behind you all smiling at Joel "My friend!" he exclaims again hugging Joel with a pat, Joel weakly returns the hug still amazed to have found you there probably "Have you two introduced yourselves yet?" Patrick continues loosening the hug "Joel, this is my better half and my love, this is my long time friend, Joel Miller." Patrick says.

You're not sure which one of you has the more surprised look on your face, the fact is you try to disguise as best you can your already prior acquaintance by shaking hands, but you immediately lower your gaze, fuck this isn't possible, this must be a nightmare.

"How are things going, Joel?" Patrick asks placing himself at your side and absentmindedly resting an arm on your shoulders.

"Not bad." he replies simply shrugging his shoulders.

"Sarah? Your little one now how old is she?" Patrick asks again.

You wander your gaze from him to Joel, Joel tries not to even dignify you with a glance "She's fine, she's fifteen and in the midst of rebellion, you know adolescence!"

The two of them give each other a small, complicit smile, "Honey, would you please go get Joel and me a beer?" you nod with a small smile at Patrick, while casting a puzzled glance at Joel.

It takes you longer than it should, you are in fact lost in thought that Joel himself has cheated on his partner, and what's more, he has a daughter! So, you should feel even less guilty. When you return to the two of them, you find them intent on laughing and shaking their heads about an incident happened in Joel's company, "Thank you, babe." Patrick says giving you a chaste kiss on the lips, a kiss you barely manage to return considering who is in front of you. "Thank you." replies Joel in a neutral tone to whom you somewhat brusquely hand his beer.

"Patrick!" Edward, another of your friends, calls him, "Come on, lazybones, there are still these sausages to roast!"

"Coming!" replies Patrick immediately, waving an arm "Love, will you entertain Joel some more while I'm gone?" he asks in a whisper.

"Why?" you ask hesitantly.

"Well, ever since his wife left with his daughter, he's always alone and I feel sorry for him." he replies causing a knot in your throat, you turn a glance toward Joel who sips his beer looking toward the small crowd "Can you do this for me?" you nod "Thanks, babe." he adds again placing a kiss on your forehead and pulling away.

You hesitate, sighing thoughtlessly. You lean closer to him, "So...you and Patrick are friends?"

"Yeah, and you and him are together." he says looking down at his beer turning the bottle over in his hands "Patrick has always been a lucky son of a bitch," he adds taking a sip of his beer "Always good grades, nice girls," he adds again "I had my good times too, uh. I don't envy Patrick, I never did." he clarifies and then finally looks into your eyes for a long moment "So, you are unhappy with Patrick, uh?"

You furrow your brow, "Don't judge me," you reply annoyed.

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are, I recognize that look," you say still piqued.

"No, you don't. Me too, I thought everything was fine with my ex-wife, and look where I am now," he continues, taking the last sip of beer.

"What happened?" you ask him taking the bottle from his hands and walking to the kitchen inside to throw the bottle away.

"The most trivial thing in the world," he tells you as you walk into the kitchen "I was so focused on work, she wanted more attention and so one day she made me find the lawyer's letter." he concludes in a sigh leaning against the kitchen cabinet "She then moved to Michigan near her parents and took Sarah away."

"'m sorry," you say laying a hand on his forearm squeezing it just barely "How long ago did that happen?" you ask again.

"Six years ago." he replies raising his eyebrows at you with a sad look "Since then, the idea of tying myself down scares me." he confesses "I can't do it, it's like disappointment, defeat blocked me." he adds shaking his head "Since then I only have casual encounters." he says again looking at you, you lower your gaze "However, usually, they are all single women. I never had sex with a busy woman or a friend's girlfriend." he clarifies again "I'm not a homewrecker. In fact, sorry if I crossed the line last time and even made you feel uncomfortable, that was not my intention."

You shake your head, "We were wrong, Joel." you add, barely squeezing his shoulder "I'm sorry if I overreacted, I knew that. . . I mean, that it was just sex, but I've been a bit hysterical."

He gently strokes one cheek and then absentmindedly touches your lower lip with a fingertip, you observe first his lips and then his eyes "If you look at me like that, we could start again." he warns you with a half smile.

"The truth is. . . on the one hand I'm regretful, but on the other. . . I loved every single moment." you admit, looking him straight in the eye.

"So do I." he says, his gaze wandering from your eyes to your lips. The situation could escalate at any moment, when interrupting everything is Patrick himself "There you are!" he exclaims enthusiastically "What's going on?" he asks, Joel immediately withdrawing his hand from your face.

"Nothing." you reply, pulling your hand away from his shoulder "Joel was just telling me about the divorce."

You look Joel in the eye for a longer moment and then turn away from him and flank Patrick.

"Bad story." comments Patrick simply "Come on, come on over. The sausages are ready to be served and the boys want to try karaoke."

"Oh, yay." you comment unenthusiastically rolling your eyes, Joel smiles at your reaction.

You and Joel don't share any other moment alone and that's okay, you don't want any of your friends or Patrick's friends to notice this connection with Joel. You just met each other, or so you make believe!

You are alone in the garden, lying on a lawn chair staring at the sky; there are quite a few stars visible that evening. In another moment, you would have run for your camera to take pictures of that beautiful starry sky, but not tonight. In fact, you think about Joel. You think that no matter how hard you try to pretend that everything is fine and that what happened with Joel will never happen again, a part of you feels, however, that it won't. Joel is not just anyone, but a Patrick's friend, and knowing Patrick, it's likely that he will invite him again to your place.

[bridgyrose]

Ruby panted and looked at the score, pained to see that Coco still managed to destroy more targets than she did without using her minigun. Not that she was surprised by it with how distracted she’d been. “Okay, you win.” 

“Great,” Coco said as she put her purse down. “Now talk. I’ve seen what you can handle and that… that wasnt you out there.” 

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Ruby answered as she folded up her scythe and sat down. “Its not love, its just a distraction. Maybe I’ve spent too much time with them.” 

Coco shook her head and moved to sit down near Ruby. “Sounds like love to me.” 

“I dont love.” 

“Love’s complicated. Take it from someone who’s been trying to figure out what Velvet means to me.” 

Ruby went quiet as she tried to think about what Coco had told her, though none of it made sense to her. Love was a word that eluded her, a feeling that she never really felt except for those she considered family. She was certain she loved Yang, her dad, and Uncle Qrow, but Weiss and Blake… what she felt wasnt the same for them. Just like the boys she was supposed to have a crush on at Signal, or like how Jaune talked about Pyrrha. 

“I… I really dont think its love,” she said quietly. “I want to keep them close to me, it feels good to hear their opinions, my heart races when I see them or even think about them in a way that it’s never raced for anyone else. But at the same time, I dont want to do the same things with them that others want to do when they describe love. When Jaune talks about Pyrrha, he talks about how he wants to hold her, kiss her, maybe have a life with her. And when I see Weiss and Blake, I dont want any of that. I only want-” 

“-to see them happy and to be in their life?” Coco asked. 

“How did you know that?” 

“Its the same way for me with Velvet. I’ve known her for years, went to Pharos with her and silently kept my distance while wanting to be near her. And as much as others teased me about it, it was never about romance. It was about seeing the smile on her face when she was happy, being able to be friends with her, being close. Love doenst have to be romantic, it can be whatever that means to you.” 

“And how did you figure that out?” 

Coco shrugged and got up. “Never really figured it out completely. But, I did finally talk to her about it. I’m not saying you have to talk to Weiss and Blake, but you cant keep avoiding them either. Especially if all its going to do is distract you.” 

Ruby nodded and watched Coco walk off, then looked at the targets again. It was still easier to shoot and practice than to try to talk to her teammates, though Coco wasnt wrong that it kept her from being herself. She slowly picked herself up and pulled out her scroll as she texted Blake and Weiss, her fingers shaking with each press of a key. 

“Meet me in the library, I need to talk to you both.” 

prev

[vanillabat99]

If my phone wasn't my only connection to the outside world, I'd throw it in a blender ._.

[nonasbirthday]

...won't somebody PLEASE eat this bitch already

[jaevy]

your room was square

i once noticed from there

in your bed, as you slept

and i held my breath

everything had its own place

and i wondered what space would i take

in the order you kept

[dishsaop]

does anyone have recommendations for fictional media that has like. actual lesbians in it. not like supergirl Two White Skinny Girls, One Blonde and One Brunette Kiss media, or "its implied lesbianism!!!" but just regular fucking lesbians

[camgirlkaminari]

scum villain makes me SO INSANE like it's the funniest book I've ever read and also if I think too hard about one character in particular my brain shorts out shies away from the thoughts like a slug might shy away from salt I will POSITIVELY DIE if I think too long about tlj JUST trying to understand people being betrayed by someone who he thought loved him losing everyone who was ever close to him BECAUSE of him I think too hard about yqy and how he will never get closure there will be no happiness for him zzl my little boy my big cheese my funtime guy who JUST wanted to be liked he was trying so hard to do good he's like that poem from the point of view of a cat that can't figure out what he did wrong why do his family keep leaving the house why can he never grow big like his brothers sqq never seeing his family again never acknowledging he had a family except in passing never being able to tell his husband about his first life having to keep that secret for the rest of his life to always have this weird terrible pain between them forever the sacrifices he made for luo binghe how he'll never be able to truly know og sqq's motivations how he just woke up and immediately took up the mantel of sqq despite knowing his fate WHAT was his life as shen yuan like to make him so quick to alter his whole identity WHY is he so good at acting and lying to everyone including himself just refers to himself as a listless pretty boy like he doesn't have the cleverest mind in the whole book!!!!! og sqq in the cave what must he have felt when he realized he wasn't strong enough to save lqg and knowing what people were going to say and being too proud and miserable to clear his own name binghe's "I hate! I hate myself!" scene I am SCREAMING binghe being unhealthily manipulative from DAY ONE up to the point where sqq realizes what he's done with xin mo the CAVE SEX SCENE??????????? don't get me STARTED on shang qinghua!!!!!!!! liu qingge!!!!!! BINGGE?????? it's like a wormhole in my head if I think too hard past sqq being the funniest mother fucker in two different universes and the premise of haha big demon hot for teacher mommy kink :))) I will DIE I will PERISH i am rabid I am biting and tearing and rending and howling!!!!!!

[theonlyadawong]

it's just that so much of adas character exists outside leon and every time i see people attribute every single good thing she does to that white man makes me so sick. like i am really begging you all to think about this woman as her own character and not just as leons little friend.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Various images from the past year or so... posting my evil little photo diary collections once again..

[daisywords]

.

[vraska-theunseen]

just remembered i'm going to be 20 this year can everyone give a moment of silence. teenager was so endless and it's going to be over before i know it this is my life and it's just flying by and i feel like im only ever just incidentally moving through life and like i'm never doing all i could be doing never feeling like i'm living my life the way i'd be living in it if i really cared but i don't want to try to change that bc rotting in bed is so appealing lol

[appatary8523]

Nolan's name (Nolan) and mine (my IRL name) start with "N", he was obviously made for me