#except ya know actual cannibalism

[tropicalscream]

blah blah Bethesda bad anyway

my favorite thing about Elder Scrolls is how goddamn fuckin weird it is

like on surface it's just some dnd game but like even a cursory glance shows tis fucking insane like:

The moons is the corpse of a god

the stars are actually holes in reality when alot of primordial spirits hated that mortals were becoming a thing and fucked off

The demon lord of forbidden knowledge/resident Cthulhu stand-in might also be the beta version of the entire fucking universe made sentient when it wasn't chosen to be the used reality

there are cat ppl that take the form of furrys, lions, or regular cats, so you can have a cursing Pirate legend whose an alcoholic & wanted in 5 countries but is also a like basic tabby cat

the wood elves are so pro-nature they're cannibals and also they murder vegetarians

Vampires came from the Lord of Rape doing well ya know

Werewolves came to exist bc the lord of hunt got bored and is a furry

sex is treated like a fucking ip copyright contract on what aspect of sex is happening and what god it's under. There's been many religious wars about this

The lizard ppl are part tree

the Dwarves all fucked off somewhere and disappeared bc they were so atheist they did math to break relativity and literally no one has any idea where they went God or mortal (except maybe Cthulhu and hes not telling)

Said Cthulhu stand-in treats hiding your grandma's secret cookie recipe & hiding a spell that would end the universe and slay a god the exact same and he will murder you for either

Everyone wants to fuck the Orcs but will never admit it and they got so bent out of shape that a demon god killed the og orc god, ate him, and shat him out bc she couldn't deal with everyone complimenting them all the time so now all Orcs are cursed to be hated but they're all still sexy & so is their god

And all this isnt even the tip of the iceberg

[ginnysgraffiti]

mention of cannibalism, hunger, dark and sick thoughts, hallucinations, jealous lee.

&. LEE x yn.

let's say it, lee would definitely have the hardest time dealing with his jealousy.

not jealousy in general, but a sick and twisted feeling that is often joined by his hunger.

it's something capable of making him salivate, a feeling that even he doesn't fully grasp and that allows his gastric juices to make his stomach burn.

you had been dating lee for a few months now, and you thought you knew everything about his needs, habits and nature even if you never actually saw him feeding.

lee loved you more than anything in the world, reason why he always managed to keep his emotions under control when simple friends used to hang out with you. he knew you were pretty close with your friends, and he would have never dared to touch any of them.

however, the situation degenerates slightly at times.

you two usually go to the amusement park every now and then, eat pink cotton candy and enjoy the rides.

lee is someone who particularly appreciates the stalls where you can win prizes, that's something you soon learned.

that's why, while he was busy buying big portions of cotton candy for two, you decided to give it a try and approach a stand.

it was the classic game where most of the children lost, often because the stall workers cheated so as not to let them win.

a few meters away from the stall counter there was a table, a few tin cans in a perfect pyramid on the wooden surface.

"hey there. you wanna try?" the black-haired pale guy that worked for that stand walked towards you, taking out a little softball ball from a bucket and letting it roll on the counter.

"i think i'm supposed to pay first." you said.

"pretty girls don't need to pay." he smirked back, and you felt sick in your stomach.

lee could arrive anytime and you were preparing for the worst, even if he wouldn't just jump on that guy anyway. right?

"so? you could try to win a peluche."

you stared at the white ball, slightly dirty by the mud.

"are you alone? what's your name?"

"i'm y/n...my boyfriend should actually be around. he was buying cotton candy."

"oh, wait! was it that tall weirdo with red curls?"

you nodded, annoyed, and he smirked again, this time leaning closer.

"c'on, you deserve better. he's quite creepy, ya know?"

"he's not creepy..."

"whatever. are you sure you're safe around him? i close at eleven, by the way. my name's mike."

yeah, well, you didn't ask.

you just prayed for lee to come back as soon as possible.

for how long can a person be gone for if it's just some damn cotton candy? maybe he was just smoking. but what if he needed to 'feed' already?

you sighed nervously and grabbed the ball, aiming the highest can.

it went in on the first try, and your blood ran cold when the mike chuckled, handing you another ball.

that's when you realise how close he was to you, on the other side of the counter, caressing your right arm with a slow gesture.

"what...are you doing?"

"just helping you concentrate. come on, another throw."

you almost threw up instead.

your hand reached for the ball, but someone pressed you against the counter from behind, hugged your waist and took the ball from your hand.

"anything going on here?"

your limbs froze.

it was lee, he was finally back with two big sticks of cotton candy, but his body was as cold as dead and as still as rock.

you had always pictured him as your caring boyfriend with a strange nature, but now...he was creepy.

teenagers were shouting on the rollercoasters, kids were running to get candies or donuts and their moms were going after them.

the amusement park couldn't have been louder, the chaos couldn't have been more disturbing, but you couldn't take in or see anything else except lee's presence and the deafening noise of a kitchen oven ringing.

your whole body went limp, your skin stood up with goosebumps and your knees felt like abandoning you.

why hadn't you been scared of him before?

why haven't you run away yet?

what is it exactly you thought you could know about him? about what he had done? about what he does?

was the amount of dark things all summed up that got you almost calm, relaxed but without actually realising what you were signing up for?

you never witnessed lee feeding, and he always told you it had to stay that way.

you never felt the need to even imagine the things he would be capable of, but now that his bony cold fingers were hugging your waist you couldn't see anything else except the danger mike was already in.

not that you cared, but your mind was now somewhere else and you could feel a slight gag rising in your sore and dry throat as the last bit of lucidity was fighting to keep your body real and attached to the ground.

you could picture lee drinking mike down, almost drowning in mike's blood, chewing, swallowing, digesting.

you didn't even drink that night, but you knew you were having hallucinations. or at least you hoped, even tho they were reflections of things that lee does for real.

you couldn't tell why, but now he looked like a butcher to you.

a person who slaughters animals, dresses their flesh, sells their meat, giving each one a small paper label. stapling the tongue, the liver, the pancreas, the...

"so? what were you two talking about?" lee insisted, and now he was looking at mike more than ever. his eyes looked dark, almost completely black without the eye balls, glassy, distant, sickening relaxed.

if looks could kill, the stand worker would have already reduced himself as a pool of dark blood with a knife crossing his chest.

"nothing...sorry bud." mike whispered.

"oh yeah? nothing...? why were you touching her?"

what did you expect when you met lee?

that he would be like a normal person, looking like a normal person to you and others?

"let's go, come on." he grabbed you by your waist and your dizziness and nausea vanished as he kissed your lips.

he was smiling, taking your hand in his, handing you the cotton candy stick.

"lee..."

"yeah?"

"have you fed?"

"what?"

"i asked you if you already ate." you whispered, insisting on the last word to awake one of his senses.

your boyfriend smiled again.

"no. i bought two hot dogs, i wanted to eat with you."

he found a nearby bench and sat comfortably, looking at the children running and playing around.

maybe it was all a dream, maybe you were imagining and making things bigger than they were.

but still, your mind wondered if the person who almost acted on their hunger at the stand was even lee.

[juniperhillpatient]

I know I'm terminally coffin-brained lately but hear me out it really bothers me that the perception of the Coffin of Andy & Leyley is ONLY "hehe incest cannibalism game" which is....not EXACTLY inaccurate but it certainly simplifies it ya know??? like I call it the incest cannibalism game too as a joke but I'm realizing there are a lot of people who think of it as like...a porn game? & btw I'm not AGAINST porny games or whatever I just think it's reductive & inaccurate to call Andy & Leyley that when in reality there is not even (so far) any textual sexual content beyond a demonic vision of a possible future. yes very obviously their relationship does have a sexual & romantic undertone, but it's compelling specifically because it's a complex story about siblings who have been genuinely fucked over by their parents & the world & they have developed a topically obsessive codependent relationship as a result.

like the initial conversation that the game's title is based on is Andrew casually half-jokingly talking about killing himself & it's just so..... narratively delicious. Ashley is not some horny one-dimensional slut who just wants to fuck her brother? Her reaction to Andrew talking about suicide is to joke that she'll race him to the balcony & he says back - semi sarcastically but we KNOW there's truth in his words, that he's clearly thought about this - that it would be too romantic, that they would be smashed together on the pavement, buried in the same coffin & like...the game proceeds from there with these two living in this intertwined fate, tangled together in ways neither of them can ever escape. it's romantic but it's also tragic & awful.

Andrew's love for Ashley will always be bitter & tinted with resentment because he was thrust with the responsibility of raising his little sister when he was only a child himself. he was made responsible for caring for Ashley with absolutely NO example of what caring for someone looked like & he was barely old enough to care for himself. Ashley never had anyone care for her in her entire life except Andrew & so she absolutely adores him to a dangerous & unhealthy degree.

like I hate it when people think Ashley is oh so abusive & manipulative or Andrew is so awful & selfish (she is manipulative & he is occasionally selfish) but like - as if there are not layers upon layers of WHY she treats Andrew the way she does & WHY he's so resentful. (as a side note I think debating who abuses who (aside from obviously the fact that they were both abused in different ways by their mother) or who's "worse" just...misses the whole ass point.)

and the cannibalism is initially about survival & the stakes are very apparent & built super well given the opening of the game spends a lot of time just demonstrating that they are literally starving to death to the point where Ashley is fainting & they're sharing a can of tomatoes out of the garbage joking that it's the best meal they've ever had. it is highly worth noting the way their actions escalate & get worse & worse with time as the game proceeds & you can see the way they're both getting more & more comfortable with violence & taboo. this game just would not compel me if it were just randomly "lol let's eat people!" get real

idk I just feel like people who don't know the game get the wrong idea about it when it's actually SO narratively rich okay bye

(this is not an anti Gravecest post either just to be clear, I fucking love the ship I just feel like it gets oversimplified often & also that Ashley especially is highly mischaracterized a lot, even in the game's marketing sometimes. at the core of the game are two deeply broken people who were fucked over bad & who are tied together in a way that neither of them can ever escape. it's love as horror & I loooove that about it)

[xnullgeist]

Ive been having a lot of fun designing weird food for the Feyh, they're mostly carnivores so a lot of their food is meat or meat based (with then exception of mushrooms and sugars. So gotta kind get creative to make meals that we almost recognize but are obviously very different than what we are used too. So first thing is obviously a "burger" from their fast food resturant Wack Dawn Nulls The second is their version of "noodles" which is known as Setti named after the actual weird mushroom is made from And then the last is kinda a basic recipe that basically like their version of egg and milk and can be used to make something almost like bread though it be more akin to an omelette, they technically don't cook their food so the bread style wouldn't actually be common but YOU CAN EAT IT THAT WAY, they just find it unappealing. They like their wet soup greasy foods Other things: - Pupa pulp is their version of "cheese" and is similar to cheese bugs that some people feed their sugar gliders, its literally the paste inside the pupa cocoon before its... fully developed so yeah... - Grub meal is a paste that the grub themselves live in before they fully grubs, its like a weird tadpole soup that similar to egg whites - Did I ever mention feyh are all cannibals? Ya know just putting it out there, all the meat they eat is usually from genetic meat farms or literally from other people yeah.

[belowzion]

Below Zion: Rethinking Valentino

Hello everyone! Today I wanted to show you how we've been rewriting Valentino. As stated in my previous blogs, the characters are given different feels to make them as distinct from their show counterparts as possible so that eventually this can be its own thing. While still inhabiting the pimp lord aspects, Valentinos way of thinking, motivations and even what he does in his past-time should change how this character works and why I grew a fascination in writing about his character recently. Make no mistake, he is a villain and funnily enough, a stark contrast to Charlies ideas.

"Oh, the sex work is great! Tino is garbage. See, I haven't left the industry. I just ran from that self-rightous prick…" - Hip-Lash, one of Angels best friends, left the 'industry'. Hasn't seen Angel for 30 years. To understand where Valentino comes from and why he is the kind of person he is, some context is needed. In Below Zion, sinners are completely incapable of making pacts with other people. Their power instead depends on how sinful they were in life. If you sinned too much, you get thrown into Penance Machines, where you are excessively tortured and bleed out all that sinful energy for runes! Runes pass off as currency in Hell. But if you were not a cannibal serial child killer, you get to enjoy some amazing powers! Or if you got bailed out of these machines through some higher power. While nothing too crazy like what Alastor might be capable of, these sinners are still very powerful with the Wrath they possess. Valentino is no exception. His hazbin is an interesting case of a person hiding the true degeneracy that they possess deep within them. See, Valentino, known before as Mikhail "Milo" Tarentino, was a yoga teacher, originating from India! The guy, not really enjoying his position in India due to the fact that yoga was already quite popular there, decided to move to Italy where yoga wasn't as prevalent! Tarentino was a social butterfly, able to get many contacts and many students into his class! However, his true debauchery also began here. He would often have sexual intercourse with his own students, coercing them, grooming them and eventually fucking them! It does not help the matters that most of these women were married.

"Oh goodness, I did not expect to have a new neighbour! Welcome! I actually remember you, you know? You agreed to collect dirty things for Butcher Pete." Sledge nods. "So I did." "Gross job. Glad they had rubber gloves my size." He says, raising a paw, and wiggling his pudgy fingers… It reminds Alastor a little of one of those asian lucky-cats… cute. "Why ya callin' him 'Butcher Pete'?"

"Oh! No reason! There is just a very catchy song that I wish I NEVER paid any attention to the lyrics of!"

He says as he spins his microphone!

"Would you like to give it a listen? It reminds me of the kind of sinners that I find often here in Lust…" "Sure."

From Als staff - a combination of magical and technological - comes out a very upbeat tune! "Hey everybody, did the news get around? About a guy named Butcher Pete! Oh, Pete just flew into this town, And he's choppin' up all the women's meat!

He's hackin' and wackin' and smackin'! He's hackin' and wackin' and smackin'! He's hackin' and wackin' and smackin'! He just hacks, wacks, choppin' that meat!"

And also... this.

"Yeah, I see your point there, Al... but I got a question for ya~" He says with a sinister grin~

"Very well, i shall bite! Shoot!" "Say, have you ever had a pump and dump at a family reunion~?"

"[Oh no...]" The T.V Demon grows... concerned for what is about to be retold.

Velvette begins to giggle maniacally!

"I know Some of those words! Likely Not in the context You Want them to be in, though!"

"Then you do know the context I am referring to~ Don't worry Al, I am not talking about ones own family reunion, obviously, but somebody else's."

"You Are talking about FILTH then. No Val, i have done Nothing of the likes!"

"Oh come on, never had the fun? I had this one where I was invited to one of my students', I was a yoga teacher back in the day, you see? Anyhow, I eventually found myself banging different women. See, because they are all related, they had like, slightly different mommy boxes, but I was test driving 'em, right? Seeing how evolution has shaped each one a little differently so that you can find one that's just right?"

[No, Val stop, Al is already-]

"I call this goldilocksing~"

"And this relates to hunting... hoooow...?" Velvette seems perplexed...

Val thinks for a moment...

"I forgot what I was getting at, my bad~" He says as he takes a puff from his cigarette.

Al... looks grossed out. He thinks about this... And shivers in mild disgust again, a few moments after the first time.

As you can see here, Valentino kept his "trade" a secret in his human life, but he was also very good with it. Being able to get around fucking the entire female half of a family. Living in Italy though, he envied the mafia families that always seemed to be able to get what they wanted. More so because one day, one of those families caught Tino and his disgusting tendencies and... lets just say that he was never found on Earth again.

This eventually landed him in Hell. While he did sin quite excessively, it did not compare to the likes of Velvette, Alastor, Eve, Angel Dust or Agatha. However, he did gain one very prominent power from this... The red mist. The mist he puffs out whenever he smokes, the stench that leaves his body, the morphine that binds people to him like soul contracts!

Its an addictive substanance. Some people even describe it as off-puttingly as possible by saying that its his "musk". Valentino, while possessing not a terrifying amount of strength compred to some other powerful sinners out there, he possesses an ability that can dominate each one of them without trouble.

One such case being Angel Dust.

See, Angel, being the son of a ruthless mafia boss, when arrived in Hell, he wanted to become famous and wealthy immidietly! Get rich quick without much work! Well, with work he loves to do~

This is where Valentino steps into his life, offering him such opportunities while... making sure Angel inhales his mist as much as possible. Keep him addicted, don't let him get away~

Valentino is especially abusive towards Angel both sexually and physically. However, this stems not from his actual love for Angel Dust, but his hate.

Valentino, ever since he arrived in Hell, has gained a sick fascination towards punishing the sinners that think they are hot shit.

"He has a… self-rightous attitude lets say. If he thinks you had it too good and don't appriciate the stuff you have… he'll get ideas~" -Velvette

Valentino is the essence of Hell. He punishes the winners of hazbin, not the losers. Seeing Angel Dust, being this mafiaso that loved and CRAVED sex in every opportunity and got what he wanted without ever thinking about the implications, gives Valentino this certain feeling of moral superiority. He feels like a punisher, a true demon of Hell that is there to become Angels worst nightmare for all the horrible things he has done in his life.

It gets better due to the fact that Valentino knows he is weaker than Angel, yet due to his addictions, he wins over him. Its not some pact that binds Angel, its his own Lust... and Sloth. His desire for easy success and wealth led him to this disgusting mess.

When Charlie rolls around with the idea of redemption, of course he hates it. To him, punishment is well deserved and bad boys like Angel need to be made an example of.

This also presents the reader with an interesting question. Does Angel deserve what Val does to him considering that he was CERTAINLY not a good person in his own hazbin? Or does he deserve redemption? This is literally Charlies ideology, being asked to the viewer. Should the sinner be punished or redeemed? Angel was a despicable human being that murdered, tortured, raped and was bound to many external substances. Does he deserve punishment in the hands of Valentino? Or does he deserve redemption in the hands of Charlie?

Valentino is also not just doing this to Angel. This goes for ANYONE he thinks they had it too good for too long...

Welp, that was all! Valentino is an asshole pervert fueled by hatred!

Please do write feedback, I'd love to hear your ideas if you think of any!

[fluffy-little-demon]

Fade Away

Poly!Sinclair Brothers x Hinge!Reader

This was inspired by the song Shapeshifting by Taylor Acorn I have used some lines from the song for the dialogue spoken by the reader (in italics) Bold is sign language

She/her pronouns, nicknames darlin, baby, babygirl, sweetheart and sweet pea are used

Just to be clear you are dating all three sinclairs and all three sinclairs are dating you but the brothers are NOT dating each other which would make you the hinge of this poly relationship

Tagging @rottent33th and the people who voted for this story thank you 💕 @slutforguts @sketchy-rosewitch @the-cannibal @vincent-sinclair-deserved-better @bric-a-brac-brooke @cordelium @heyhowareyaxd

If I fade away will they miss me

This was all you've been thinking about, it was all you could think about. Would any of them notice if you had gone? If they did they would most likely think you had just ran away. Surely they wouldn't care enough to actually go looking for you. Nobody from your old life did. They all think you're dead, right?

You had finished all the housework a lot earlier than normal, since you couldn't sleep last night. You were now sitting by the window still watching the rain come down. You've always loved the rain, finding peace in the noise, smell and feel on your skin. You were hoping the rain would at least try to make you feel better but all you felt was pure emptiness. Wondering if going outside to be in the rain might help, except you can't find the energy to move your body so you just sit there as the thoughts take hold of your mind once again.

Bo had noticed something was off about you. He couldn't quite tell what it was and he didn't know how to talk to you about it so he was just waiting until you came to him. He wondered if either of his brothers could tell there was something off too, he's sure Vincent does. Bo heads down into the basement to see if you've told him anything.

"Hey Vince, have you noticed Y/N acting... strange lately?"

Vincent nodded slightly, I don't know what's wrong with her, she hasn't really been coming into the basement a lot lately.

"Oh, ok thanks" turning around, going back to the house Bo gets out his phone calling Lester to ask the same question. Lester tells him that when he asked if you wanted to go on a ride in the truck with him you declined while looking weight down, you just told him you were very tired. Bo thanks his brother and hangs up. Now he's even more worried about you, Bo walks up to your bedroom gently knocking the door. "Hey Y/N you alright darlin?" When you don't answer, Bo opens the door to find you sitting on the floor looking out the window, your legs up to your chest with arms wrapped around them.

Bo walks up to you slowly sitting on the floor next to you. Your eyes fixed on watching the rain, refusing to meet his eyes knowing as soon as you look at him you will shatter.

"Baby" Bo started in the softest voice you've ever heard him use. "Baby, hey can you tell me what's wrong"

Vincent and Lester had come into the bedroom joining you and Bo on the floor. Vincent reached out slowly rubbing your back. "Y/N, we're here for ya. We just wanna help" Lester said trying to get you to talk.

"I just wanna make sense of it all" you said almost in a whisper

"Need to make sense of what darlin?" Lester said

"How was I supposed to know I'd feel nothing in my bones. Been putting on a show for everybody but me" you spoke so quietly Bo almost would have preferred you to be yelling and screaming at him. He could handle that. None of the brothers are very good with emotions. None of them really knew what to do. They just hoped that being there and talking, offering comfort would be enough.

Bo pulled you into a hug, you didn't move to wrap your arms around him like you normally would but as soon as your head hit his shoulder everything built up inside you just exploded. Your body racked with sobs, you hands came up grabbing ahold of Bo's shirt. Vincent took off his mask, wrapped his arms around your middle from behind and pressed his forehead into your neck trying to give some skin to skin comfort since he couldn't use words. Lester joined the hug as well "it's ok sweet pea, it's gonna be ok"

"Breathe sweetheart it's alright, we got you" Bo trying to calm you down.

Once the tears slowed down, Vincent signed what's going on in that pretty head of yours?

In a shaky voice you replied "I don't think I can do this anymore. Lyin' awake another night, wondering why I'm still here? I'm not special, there's nothing even remotely interesting about me. I'm just a burden. Would you even miss me? I'm not pretty, I know that. There were other girls in the group that I came here with that were so much more gorgeous than me yet they're all wax and I'm still breathing. Most nights, I feel like I'm dying fast and living low at least that's how it feels when I can't sleep"

The three men stayed silent for a moment as you wiped your eyes with your sleeve trying to stop stray tears rolling down your face.

Vincent reached up to cup the side of your face, running his thumb across your cheek. Removing his hand he signed Y/N you are not a burden. We all love you so much.

"Vincent's right, you've made our lives so much better." Lester assured you

"Babygirl" Bo gently grabbed hold of your chin so you were looking directly at him. "You are the most interesting and gorgeous person I, we have ever met. There's also a shit ton of special things about you. So don't you dare even for a second think that we would be better off without you." He was trying to hold a stern expression but you could see his eyes were beginning to tear up.

You could feel your own eyes begin to water, only single tears rolling down your face as your body was too tired to cry anymore. Vincent carefully scooped you up, walking across the room placing you on the bed. He laid down on his side beside you kissing your cheek before resting his head on your chest and wrapping his arm around your middle. Bo joined in doing the same as Vincent lying on his side beside you kissing your cheek before lying his head on your chest and arm around your waist. Lester kissed your forehead then very carefully positioned himself to lie on your belly.

"We need you sweetheart. Of course we would miss you"

You run a hand through Lester's curls then wrap an arm around each twin. You smile as you kiss them.

Been puttin' on a show shapeshiftin'

First fic after not writing anything for about four and a half months also first one of 2023!

I don't know how I feel about the ending I had no clue how to do it 😅

Reblogs and comments are extremely appreciated 💕

[mlmvoreconfessionals]

Can we get some more bob velseb vore? Perhaps a continuation of the prompt you did for him before?

Yeah, definitely! I presume this one is asking about this story, so that's what I'm working with.

Barry still couldn't quite believe that this was actually happening. He'd been quiet the whole way there, letting the deranged cannibal simply drag him along. Now they're sat down at a restaurant for a dinner he'd reserved with his boyfriend. Except...his boyfriend is just some sludge pumping through the killer's bowels, and instead, he can only watch as Bob greedily tears into his third steak.

""Mmm..." Bob gulps the last bite down and licks his lips. "Now, this place knows how to make a steak. Haven't had one that good in a while." He chuckles to himself and pats his stomach a few times, which lets out a noisy groan against his hand. Barry can't help but stare at it.

"But..." Bob slowly rubs along it, his near-perpetual grin widening just slightly. "...I'm still starving over here. Guess those treats at the haunted house weren't enough, even with the steak." Barry finally looks up from the killer's stomach to meet his eyes, seeing the light of a hungry predator gleaming from them. "Wouldn't want our first date to end on a hungry stomach, would we?"

"F-First?" B.arry asks hesitantly. Is he implying more? Why the hell would he go on more dates with this guy?! He should be calling the cops! Why hasn't he?! Bob has gone unnoticed so far since everything just thinks its a costume, but surely the police will listen and--

"Of course first!" Bob exclaims with a laugh. "I'm your boyfriend now, you think you can get away with taking me on just one date? You didn't treat the other one like that, did you?" He rubs over his gut slowly and tilts his head. He stops when it lets out a noisy groan. "Speaking of...I'm still starving."

Barry shrinks back in his seat slightly as he watches Bob summon the waiter over with a gesture. With a slurp of his lips, the cannibal yanks the man down, drooling maw opening impossibly wide to take him. in. Actually watching Bob eat a man whole was...quite the experience for Barry. He already knew the killer could do it, but that's different from seeing it happen. Bob's jaws stretched so easily over the thrashing waiter, each gulp sucking him down the hatch as easily as it had those bites of steak. In no time, kicking legs are disappearing with a wet slurp, and Bob is licking his lips again as his belly bloats outward with its latest snack.

Bob lets out a thick belch and pats his gut a few times. It's pressed tightly against the table now, gurgling up a storm. Barry finds himself staring at it again. "I don't mind if ya wanna touch it," Bob says with a lax smile. "Go ahead. I don't bite."

Touch it..? Why the hell would he want to touch it?! This is disgusting! It's wrong! It's...It's...really soft. That's the first thing Barry thinks when he does put his hand against Bob's stomach, feeling it squish with all the fat already on it. It's warm, too, especially thanks to the digestive process going on inside. Barry can barely feel the waiter inside through all the heft...he can barely hear the man, too.

"How about...we get some food to go and we finish this up at my place?" Bob offers with a big grin. "And you can spend tonight gettin' real personal with the ol' tank here." He pats the side of his stomach a few times and chuckles darkly. For some reason...Barry likes the idea.

[voiceofsword]

hiii can i ask you about cannibal niki?? what ya think bout him?? (in theory, where Niki's parents were the ones who 'ate fish' in the cult of Shinkai!!) and if ya open to request can i see a lil rinniki kiss?? on cheeks or something like dat just a smol doodle🤲 (AND SORRY ABOUT MY ENG IDK HOW TO WRITE😭)

hello anon! putting this behind a readmore again bc it might be a little long (it is) but i assure you the doodle is at the end of the post! sorry if i sound at all hostile during any parts of this post i tried to look back and change the wording for a lot of things, but like that other long ass rinne post i made it's smth i feel very strongly about! 🙇

i’m gonna keep it real with you, i’m not particularly fond of that headcanon! i feel like i’ve mentioned it before, and i respect anyone who likes it, but i see it as sort of edginess with no concrete basis besides gags and a crucial main story scene (that i think disproves it), therefore i don’t rly like talking about it or discussing it. i’ll go on to explain where i think the origin for this headcanon lies, bc while i do think it’s something that can be extrapolated from the story, it’s not necessarily the “truth” behind niki’s parents, or him being a cannibal, or anything like that.

in the main story chapters 136-140 eichi goes on to explain crazy:b’s weak points: if worse comes to worst, alkaloid can use these points against them to take them down. in 139 specifically, eichi says that niki himself is hard to exploit — but they can use his father’s infamy to their favor. niki’s father was a famous chef known for his cooking tv programs. he had a period of popularity which was quickly ended when rumors were spread about him using human meat during one of his shows, and thus he was sworn to never be on tv again. 

you see, it’d be perfectly reasonable to assume niki’s father is a cannibal if eichi said this in all seriousness. however, taking context into account and how during this and the previous chapters eichi is going out of his way to make crazyb sound as bad as he feasibly can, it shows that this is their last resort and that the smear campaign needs to WORK. ES needs to make crazy:b look as bad as possible to make them give up. also eichi is kind of known for making his speech grandiose and generally making things sound more severe than they actually are, this is enstars 101. and even so, eichi himself softens the claim immediately afterwards, saying that these accusations were made at a time when tv stations were trying to get the idol industry back on its feet — they made that up, because they wanted to make sure there was no competition on the same network! and he follows that up with saying “yeah lol that’s pretty normal in this industry”. 

i won’t make any mention of the shinkai cult here because there rly is no ties except for…the cannibalism, i think? i also feel like what kanata talks about in meteor impact addresses something that may or may not have happened a long, long time ago, and at a very dire time rather than something reoccurring — and i doubt niki’s parents were even alive. i havent seen this spoken about anywhere else so im not sure where you’re coming from, sorry anon :( 

that aside, niki also seems to be at least somewhat aware of what happened, and the ramifications it had on his own life. you have to understand, niki’s parents left the country when these allegations started popping up, and niki’s been on his own since then — niki’s not stupid. if his parents didn’t tell him, he pieced it together himself. he knows what happened, and generally makes light of the situation and having to live on his own because that’s just how he is; these events have helped shape how niki is, on a fundamental level. but all of that aside, he more than anyone knows that his father would never do something like that, that all of it is baseless lies made to hurt him:

when i say these things shaped him, i mean that the incident has made him feel like, regardless of whether the allegations are true or not, his father caused a lot of trouble to many people. niki idolized his father — and seeing this happen to him, niki is left to think that he, too, is bound to cause people problems, both bc of this, and his constitution. he makes it a point to be like i don’t want to be like my father, again, not because of the cannibalism, but because the whole ordeal had very lasting repercussions on niki, on their family, perhaps even for any chef that might’ve pursued a similar career path to his father. i find it hard to believe that it was a one and done type thing; tabloid news and everything. he probably had his name run through the mud. 

niki consciously tries to not make trouble, he laughs off his insecurities, he tries not to take up too much space, even now. gotta keep his image clean but it's also like. obviously hes not really going out of his way to expose himself and be in the culinary world more than he needs to. he carries the weight of knowing his family name is taboo so that just kind of bleeds onto how he perceives himself and what he does — that coupled with his condition makes him feel like he deserves the bare minimum. bc of these things happening, i can also imagine his parents drilled the idea into his head before they left — to not cause trouble for others if it’s the last thing he does. kind of on the nose, niki does mention during one of the flashbacks that his father told him human meat is the one thing he must absolutely never do. which is like. well, yeah

also (tapping mic) part of the reason rinne causes so much trouble for him is because he wants niki to see that it’s ok to cause trouble for him back — that if niki goes out of his way to do stuff for him, even if begrudgingly, rinne can pay him back in kind. one of rinne’s main drives is that he wants to be able to dismantle this idea niki has in his head that he’s less deserving of good things because of his past, and his body. i’d even go as far to say that it’s an integral part of their relationship and both of their characters. um anyways

people are allowed to think or portray him however they want, of course, but i think saying that his father is a cannibal and thus niki is a cannibal too feels like completely dismissing parts of his character for the sake of making this otherwise “wholesome” person be more 'edgy' and perhaps aligning more to their tastes. i can’t police how people perceive him but i think a lot of where this stems from is wanting to have a character to project specific aesthetics onto, latching onto small bits of his story and lines without really looking at the full picture. 

niki tries so hard to be someone who can move past these allegations and still struggles with thinking that he can do what he likes lest he be like his father, so, idk. i personally don’t like to engage w/ or see these interpretations. to each their own!

also as to why niki makes jokes about eating people and it’s somewhat a recurring gag with him: well personally i think he’s just a little weird. it’s done in a cutesy playful way like "omg u smell so good i could eat you right up!" and its more like... a compliment. (esp coming from him w his rly good sense of smell and taste) yeah its joking abt eating ppl but not joking abt cannibalism itself its all theoretical eating. (have u never joked about wanting to eat someone up…or wanting to bite ppl.. i think it’s kind of like that. it’s just that they juice him for the bit)

also to thank you for your patience. here’s the doodle ♡

[pink-tk-a-latte]

HIhi! Nice to meet ya! I have some questions before I request.

How far are you in Bungou Stray Dogs?

Any characters from BSD you don't write for?

Any shippings/pairs you don't write for?

Any other writing boundaries etc that I should know?

Have an aweeesome day!

-🫧 Anon~!

HIHI!!! THANK YOU FOR THE ASK!!!

I’m caught up with the manga but I haven’t watched past Season 3 Ep 3 of the anime lmao (so I haven’t actually watched the Cannibalism arc…). I’m familiar enough with all of the characters tho!!

I’ll write for any of the main characters, except ❌ Mori or lee! older/middle age characters, like 40+ (I’m sorry dilf and milf lovers). Young children as lees only in a purely wholesome familial context or all characters featured are children.

I won’t write for any illegal ships ofc, also no romantic Dazai/Atsushi, Dazai/Akutagawa, Oda/Dazai, Atsushi/Kyouka, or ships with age gaps of 10 or more years. Any and every platonic pairing entirely welcome!!!!

No nsfw, k!nk, f3tish, non-con ofc. I would also appreciate some guidance/ideas for the prompt!!

Thank you for your consideration (and for motivation to write smth lolol)!!! I hope this was specific enough but not too specific?? Anyhow, looking forward to the request!! <3333333

(Under the cut are my fav characters and pairings, if that helps)

Pookies 💘

Atsushi, Dazai, Kyouka, Kenji, Haruno, Chuuya, Higuchi, Gin, Kouyou, Q, Lucy, Louisa, Poe, Margaret, Twain, Aya, Sigma, Nikolai, Bram, Mizuki, Agatha, Teruko, Tecchou, Yuan

Romantic 🌹

Atsulucy, Akuatsulucy, Ranpoe, Soukoku, SigSkk, Siglai, Sigzai, Higugin, Marthorne/Hawmitch, Suegiku, Kyoukenji (in a crushy/wholesome way)

Platonic 💛

Atsushi and Kyouka, Atsushi and Dazai, Kouyou and Chuuya, Chuuya and like all of the kids

I know some of the favs I listed are not main characters... sorry for being a hypocrite /j

Romantic pairings can also be platonic!!

[marilostfieldblog]

(OOC WARNING: THIS TRANSCRIPT CONTAINS BLOOD GORE BODY HORROR DEATH IMPLIED CANNIBALISTIC THOUGHTS MILD IMPLIED CANNIBALISM EYE TRAUMA GUNSHOTS AND SUICIDAL IDEATION PLEASE PROCEED BELOW THE CUT AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION.)

[Video transcript begin.]

[The transcript like most begins from a front shirt pocket, someone appears to be looking at the other people in the room. Two of which are in a wagon playing on a computer.]

?: Ok guys. Y'all ready?

[Voice identified: Mari.]

?: Mhm.

[Voice identified: Edgar.]

?: I..i think.

[Voice Identified: William.]

?: Um… What's the plan again?

[Voice identified: Cassidy.]

M: Simple you, me, Delilah, Edgar. And… Where's Ethan?

W: That’s..a good question. I’ll go grab him?

M: Yeah uh I'll just keep recapping the plan? Or wait on you two?

W: I think I've drilled it into him a bit too much, he should know!

[Will chuckles a bit, and walks away, its footsteps audible.]

M: Ok, well we're going to go lead Ruby and uh basically anyone that chases us to the maintenance tunnels to buy us time to break the window in Mai's office. Will is… Uh ask Will I don't actually remember. And Rose and Sparrow are going straight to the office once we distract that which needs to be distracted.

[A woman with long curly brown hair stands up, scratching her own bandages.]

?: And you all are going to follow the plan?

[Voice identified: Rose Elizabeth Henderson.]

M: I know I will. Edgar?

E: Dude. Of course I will.

C: If anything happens to you, me and Sparrow are going to punch you.

?: I’ll throw one in too!

[Voice Identified: Ethan.]

[Will and Ethan walk into frame again, though this time the shorter one looks somewhat anxious, clutching at his head discreetly.]

M: Will? You good?

W: Oh, yeah! Im-I’m fine, just, stress headache, ya know? [It lets out a nervous laugh.]

E: You too, huh?

C: Where are you going Will?

W: Ah, just. Keeping a promise I made a long time ago, kid. I’ll be right behind you guys, won't even realise i'm gone.

M: If we have to find you… We will.

[Edgar appears to be bouncing back and forth on his feet, his hands jitter slightly.]

[Just barely out of frame, someone can be heard tripping and stuttering to put… Something back on their head.]

[Will looks over, first to Edgar, then towards the noises. Its eye notably widens, and he quickly shuts it grimacing as he clutches harder at its head.]

M: [Whispered.] Fuck.

W: U-uhm. You guys promise me something, okay? All of you, you included Ethan. You’re all gonna get out. Alive. Fucking alive and okay, alright?

R: Yep. You too. I owe one fucking thing to my sister and that's not make the same mistake twice.

?: If you don't get out I'm burning the mall.

[Voice identified: Sparrow.]

[Edgar glances around a little, before smiling at Will, and nodding.]

E: Of course.

M: Yep um yeah anything you say dude!

W: G-good. You all better stick to that. Except, maybe, the burning down the mall bit Sparrow. I..I'm gonna head down. You guys better fucking stick to it.

M: Cool. Are you all ready? Edgar, Ethan, Cassidy, Delilah?

[Will sneaks off of the camera frame, whilst Ethan replies.]

Eth: Yeah. I am.

M: Edgar?

E: Yeah, let’s fucking do this.

[He hefts his crowbar in both hands, spinning it in his hands.]

C: I've been ready for the past… However long I've been here.

?: [Muttering.] Fuck fuck fuck fuck

[Voice identified: Delilah..?]

Eth: What?

De: [Normal voice.] Nothing! Haha… I'm ready!

R: Sparrow give me my computer!

Sp: No!

R: Peony will be safer in my bag!

[Sparrow turns to face away from Rose, leading to Rose just snatching the computer from the wagon.]

Sp: HEY!

M: We should get going. Be safe dealing with Emi you two?

R: Yep. Be safe dealing with… Whatever.

M: Come on you 4.

E: Alright.

[Mari turns around to begin walking out the doorway, 4 sets of footsteps heard behind them as they slowly walk around the mall.]

C: How are we supposed to find this ‘Ruby’ thing?

M: Do any of you have a knife?

Eth: Will took mine.

M: Edgar? You got a knife?

E: Just my crowbar.

M: Is it sharp?

E: … I’m not going to let you guys use this thing to draw Ruby closer.

M: Fine s- Oh fuck it I give up Sarah you have a knife?

De: Yep… You sure that's a good idea?

M: Even if this is transcribed, we'll be out by the time it's posted.

Eth: Even if it picks up, isn’t Will a bit away now? That “thing” shouldn't hurt us?

M: Wait… Wait wait wait fuck ok Sarah knife we gotta speedrun!

[Delilah(?) throws Mari the knife, both of Mari's hands appear in frame as they use the pocket knife to slice open their right hand and begin waving it around.]

M: Virus can't hurt us. But it could hurt… Will.

Eth:..he wouldn’t just take that. Surely not.

M: He wouldn't have a choice!

Eth: But, he-

M: IT'S A VIRUS DUDE! IT CAN DO THINGS AND WILL CAN'T STOP IT!

E: Guys, no fighting, please. Focus on the plan.

C: Yeah… My head hurts.

De: Also! If we're fighting when we find Ruby we will die.

C: Wait. Ruby will kill us?

M: Edgar explain. Please?

E: I… fine. So… Ruby is… essentially just a killing machine now. Ruthless. So, if we get too distracted during this portion, we’re going to get torn to shreds.

C: Oh.

M: Yeah and uh… Look alive gang. I can see where she is.

[Mari points to a faint green glow just barely in frame, it appears to be coming from a hallway somewhere.]

Eth: Ah, shit.

E: Be ready to start running.

M: Yep.

De: Good thing we stole good boots for this whole Delilah thing.

C: Is now a bad time to mention my breathing isn't great? ‘Asthma’ I think it's called.

De: Me and Mari have a friend with a fucked up lung, don't worry we got you kid.

E: … Why isn’t Ruby walking around?

M: Maybe she's tired?

E: She’s mostly machine at this point. Machines don’t get tired.

M: Microwaves get tired if you cook too much stuff in it!

E: Ruby isn’t a fucking microwave, Mari.

M: IT'S AN EXAMPLE!

[As the group gets closer to the green light, very faint crunching and other wet gross noises are heard.]

Eth: Is she crushing something?..

E: You’re close. I’ve… heard that sound before.

[They slowly turn the corner, and there it is. The creature identified as “Ruby” is seen hunched over, staring down at a body covered in blood. Their eyes seemingly plucked out, the top of their head crushed. And loud wet gross noises are heard as ‘Ruby’ seemingly eats the insides of the body.]

E: [Muttered.] Fucking hell…

M: OI RUBY! OVER HERE STUPID!

[The creature pays no mind to Mari's shouting, instead the sound of more muscles being ripped into are heard.]

E: [Barely audible.] Of all the days to skip fucking breakfast.

C: Stop it. Get some help. Please.

E: How the fuck did you–

C: I'm right next to you. And I can read lips.

E: Ugh, never mind. We should prepare ourselves for running.

M: [Extremely loud.] RUBY YOU BITCH GET OVER HERE!

[Still no response, instead the creature throws a random organ behind them.]

M: HELP!

Eth: I don't know if that’ll work? She’s pretty..fixated.

M: Anyone have a rope!

De: Mari. Why the fuck would any of us have a rope?

E: Hm. Wait here.

[Edgar walks away from the group somewhat, and swings the crowbar at the wall, ripping a large chunk out of it with ease. He grabs it and walks back over to the group before chucking it at ‘Ruby’.]

[‘Ruby’ stops, a distorted growl is heard as it slowly stands up.]

M: That'll do it. COME ON THEN! BRING IT ON!

[‘Ruby’ grabs a rotting arm, sticking it in its own mouth..? What remains of a mouth? Before turning around with a loud creak and mechanical scream. Running at the group.]

M: ALRIGHT TIME TO FUCKING RUN GUYS.

E: YOU DON’T HAVE TO TELL ME TWICE!

[Mari spins around to face the rest of the group before sprinting forward. The loud mechanical footsteps overshadow the noises of the others running.]

C: WHY DO YOU GUYS ALWAYS DO DANGEROUS STUFF! IT MAKES NO SENSE!

E: THIS IS THE PLAN, CASSIDY. THIS IS QUITE LITERALLY THE WHOLE PLAN.

C: WHY DON'T WE JUST RUN OUT A WINDOW! IT WOULD BE SO MUCH FASTER! AND SAFER!

Eth: SECURITY TIGHTENED.

C: WHY!?

E: BECAUSE OF WHAT WE’RE DOING RIGHT NOW, STOP WASTING YOUR BREATH AND JUST FUCKING RUN!

[The group continues running, Cassidy being grabbed by Delilah(?) about halfway through.]

[A second pair of louder footsteps joins the cacophony, echoing off the wall. A shriek is heard from behind the group, causing Edgar’s fist to clench.]

E: [Breathlessly.] Fuck, that thing too?

M: HERE WE FUCKING GO AGAIN.

[Edgar subtly slows down, pushing himself to the back of the group.]

E: I’m moving to the back so you guys won’t trip over me. Just… keep running! Don’t stop for fucking anything!

M: EDGAR I SWEAR TO FUCK IF YOU BREAK OFF I'M GOING TO HIT YOU WITH A FUCKING BAT!

[A long pause.]

E: I’m sorry, Mari.

[The group loses a pair of footsteps, a loud whistle is heard, and the second pair of loud footsteps veers off to the side.]

M: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT DID HE JUST FUCKING LEAVE!

De: Yep.

M: I SWEAR TO GOD IF HE DIES I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD!

Eth: JUST KEEP GOING!

M: I HATE THIS SO FUCKING MUCH GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!

C: Is… Is Rose going to die… If he doesn't get out..?

M: KID WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU… OH.

[The running continues until they eventually after 5 minutes run into a part of the tunnels ‘Ruby’ can't get into.]

Eth: [Between breaths.] Is. Everyone. Okay?

M: NO! I'M PISSED THE FUCK OFF! EDGAR HAD ONE FUCKING JOB AND HE CAN'T EVEN DO THAT GOD FUCKING DAMNIT PIECE OF FUCKING SHIT!

Eth: He..has a plan. He has one.

M: I DOUBT IT! HE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A PLAN TO GET OVER THIS HELLHOLE! WHY WOULD HE HAVE A PLAN TO GET OU-

De: Mari. Shut, the fuck. Up. He'll be fine.

Eth: Thank you.

De: No problem. We need to find Will.

Eth: Where would it be, though? I don't know where..

M: Archives.

Eth: Shit, okay. All of us going down there?

M: Bingo, come on.

Eth:..right.[Mari stands up and begins walking once more.]

M: Where's the archives again?

Eth: Down some stairs near the maintenance tunnels, I think. Like, the basement of this place.

M: Ok lead the way I guess.

Eth: on it.

[Ethan walks off in the direction of the archives, in front of the others.]

M: Ight. Let's get this over with.

[After a few seconds, a very faint loud scream is heard.]

M: WHAT THE FUCK.

Eth: That wasn't.. surely..

M: WILL.

Eth: WE NEED TO. GO. NOW.

[The group begins running once more, now in the direction of the archives.]

M: WILL WILL PLEASE GOD BE ALIVE!

Eth: HE HAS TO BE.

[The group begins running down some stairs, one set of footsteps stops though.]

M: SARAH COME O- WHAT THE FUCK!

[In an instant Delilah(?) comes flying down the stairs with Cassidy on her back somehow not injuring herself.]

De: WILL! WILL ARE YOU OK!

[In a brief silence, all that can be heard is some closer, yet still faint sobbing. It sounds incredibly distressed, and painful.]

M: WILLIAM!

[Mari continues running through the area, eventually stopping.]

M: WILL! IT'S MARI WHERE ARE YOU?

[The crying continues, not Muffled. It pauses for a second, before a voice shakily calls out.]

W: M-M-Mari?..

M: YEAH! IT'S ME!.. I… WHERE ARE YOU?

W: I..I can't.. I don't..it's dark, Mari, I can't.. it hurts!..

M: Oh… No no no no no no no.

[Mari finally finds William. He's lying on the floor, In front of a large pile of files. Surrounding him, a pool of crimson blood stains its clothes and the paperwork near him. A knife is seen lying nearby, similarly painted a dark red, along with what appears to be..an optic nerve beside some wires. Will appears turned away from the camera, grasping at his face as it cries.]

M: Will… What happened? I… Fuck fuck GOD DAMNIT!

[He visibly flinches at the sounds around him.]

W: She-She was watching through, through my eyes that's- that's how Xe was seeing- seeing everything. She wanted to stop you guys getting out- i-i couldn't let her I couldn't!

[Will appears to begin crying again, his breathing hitching.]

De: [Kinda distant.] WHAT HAPPENED IS WILL OK?

M: Jesus fuck… I…

[Mari audibly can be heard getting angry, before eventually just screaming.]

M: STUPID FUCKING MALL! WHY CAN'T THESE STUPID CUNTS JUST LET YOU LIVE LIFE! GOD FUCKING STUPID BITCH!

[Multiple footsteps are heard running up to Mari and by extension Will.]

W: Mari, It-it hurts so much, I can't- can't think, it just- it hurts!

M: It's ok I'm here w- We're… Almost all here.

W: Al…most?- [He interrupts itself with a cry, after moving its head.] P-please..

M: Edgar fucking ran off, I’m sorry but we need to go now.

De: WRAP UP WILL'S DAMN HEAD FIRST!

C: I have my jacket we can wrap around it?

[Mari pulls Cassidy into frame, ripping off one of her sleeves.]

[Will tries to move towards the sounds,but yelps again and pulls back, revealing a bit of his face to the camera. It's bloodstained, wet from both tears and blood.]

M: Jesus… Fucking… Christ.

W: I-im sorry, I didnt- I cant- it hurts!

M: It’s ok.

[Mari takes the blue sleeve and begins attempting to wrap it around Will's head. Before having Cassidy's whole suit jacket thrown at them to wrap around Will's head.]

W: There was..wires. there was wires. There..

M: I… I swear to god I'm going to burn this mall to the fucking ground. IF THESE SHOWFUCKS DON'T LEAVE YOU ALONE!

W: I..feel w-weird..

M: Yeah uh I bet… Wait. Sarah, are you realising what I'm realising?

De: That, if what happened to Will got transcribed we need to hurry up? Yeah.

M: Ok Will, Imma just carry you like a wet cat on my shoulder ok?

[Mari finishes wrapping the suit around Will's head before standing fully up.]

W: O-kay, I.. don't k-know if I can stand.

M: Yep got it.

[Mari bends down and grabs William. Its arms dangle over the camera making things a tiny bit harder to see. As Mari and the rest of the group begin walking out of the archives.]

W: I-im sorry, I couldn't let xer..

M: It’s fine Will. It's fucking fine, we need to find Rose and Sparrow and then fucking go.

W: R-right, I'm.. very dizzy..

M: Rest if need be. We'll be fine.

W: O-okay, I'm just..gonna..

[Will's head hits something, presumably Mari's shoulder as it passes out.]

De: Fucking hell…

[No one speaks for a few minutes as they leave the tunnels, they continue walking until someone can be seen running from a distance.]

De: Ethan. Take my knife just in case.

Eth: On it.

[Delilah(?) can be heard slipping Ethan a knife. As the group gets closer to the woman it's clear the woman is Rose, noticeably shaken up.]

M: Where's Sparrow?

R: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO WILL?

M: V1rus. What happened to Sparrow?

R: DUNNO! Where's dad?

M: Ran off without us like always. ETHAN QUIT TAKING WEAPONS GIVE ME THE KNIFE.

Eth: Sarah? Do I?-

De: No! It's my knife anyways and we need to get going!

M: FINE!

R: Oh hey Ethan.

Eth: Hey Rose! You ain't getting this either.

R: I have a gun. So like. Cool.

Eth: Yeah that. Checks out.

R: Yeah. Anyhoo come on guys.

M: Ethan. Make sure Will doesn't fall please?

Eth: Yeah, I.. I got him, you're good.

M: Sick.

[Thus, the footsteps start back up. Walking through the creepy mall as they have been doing for months before.]

Eth: Where do we think Sparrow is?

M: Hopefully heading where we're going which is… Ok fuck where's the map?

Eth: Uhh..

R: It's fine. I know this hellhole like the back of my fucking hand come on guys.

[Rose begins walking in front of the rest of the group, seemingly leading them… Somewhere.]

[Will moves a bit, attempting to move his head. However, he lets out a whimper and resumes his previous position.]

R: Is he going to be ok?

Eth: He..I think he's going to be blind. Permanently.

R: No shit I can tell cuz the bandages over his eyes.

Eth: Then I'm sorry for answering your question! [His tone is light, seemingly joking.]

[Rose chuckles, before stopping. Seemingly seeing something.]

M: You good?

R: Ethan give me the knife please.

[Ethan hands it over, albeit hesitantly.]

R: Thanks.

[Rose begins walking off the path she was headed, as the group gets closer it's clear who she saw.]

R: WHAT DID YOU DO YOU SELFISH BITCH!

[Rose grabs the person by the shirt collar, holding a knife to their gut. Who it is remains unseen thanks to both Rose's body and William's arms.]

?: I TRIED! ROSE I SWEAR TO GOD I TRIED!

[Voice identified: Emi Henderson.]

R: YOU DIDN'T TRY SHIT! WHAT DID YOU DO TO SPARROW!

Em: NOTHING I SWEAR TO YOU!

Eth: Rose, who's. Who's this?

M: Emi, Rose's half sister who she accidentally killed when trying to escape once. She now wants to kill Rose for good.

Eth: Oh. OH. THIS? IS THAT ONE?

R: Yep!

Em: HEY COME ON NOW! IT'S NOT EVEN SPARROW'S BLOOD!

R: WHO’S BLOOD IS IT?

Em: RANDOM DEAD BODY A SECURITY THREW!

R: BULLSHIT!

Em: ON GOD!

[Rose throws Emi to the ground, revealing her to be covered in blood holding the purple music box.]

R: Where's Sparrow?

Em: I-

R: NOW.

Em: Fine fine… I'll fucking. Take you idiots to them.

[Just then, a loud mechanical scream is heard off in the distance.]

Eth: You better make this fucking quick, somethings heard us.

Em: Probably Ruby knowing our luck.

R: Go fuck yourself. And start walking?

[Emi chooses not to respond and instead begins walking, spending 7 minutes walking around before stopping.]

Eth: Is this..?

Em: One more turn.

R: Hurry up before I rip out your throat.

Em: Fine! Fine!

[Emi leads the group to turn a corner, and there on a wall. Is Sparrow, taped up with a cracked and painted Showfall mask dangling from their neck. Blood slowly drips from their head and arms.]

Eth: You..You fucking monster.

Em: [Between slow claps.] Ha… I like you Ethan. You're a smart one.

De: You painted the mask like a…

Em: Marionette doll! Yep! Honestly less painted and more drew on with markers.

W:..fucking..bitch..

Em: Come on! Still better than what Mai did with them… I just put the poor brat out of their misery.

[Ethan darts forward, aiming for Sparrow, but can't reach them. Emi reaches a leg forward and trips Ethan, almost like a bully in a high-school movie.]

Em: Nope! Not happening, in all honesty your best chance at stopping me is to shoot me… But I know you idiot's need the ammo.

[Ethan looks behind him, at Rose.]

R: God fucking damnit… I… Why? We had a fucking deal!

Em: YOU THINK YOU HAVE ALL THE POWER HERE RIGHT? LIKE YOUR A FUCKING HERO? GUESS WHAT! THE LAST PERSON IN THIS HELLHOLE TO BE CONSIDERED A HERO GOT THEIR HEAD CRUSHED BY A SPIKED BOX AND DIED! THIS ISN’T A FUCKING FANTASY BOOK WHERE GOOD PEOPLE WIN!

Eth: Wh…you don't.. no. You're lying.

[Ethan appears severely shocked, and a little worried.]

Em: Oh please! We're far past the point of lying! Ranboo's dead! Been dead for… A while now.

Eth: Why..nobody.. .no. no!

Em: Oh… Oh damn. Well in Rose's defence at least she didn't know until recently either.

R: Why do this now?

Em: Put on a little show! Once the other higher-ups find out I escaped with Ruby once and could talk about this company any damn time I'll probably be killed. So might as well have fun while it lasts right?

C: You… YOU BIG JERK!

[Cassidy pushes past Mari and Delilah(?) in an attempt to attack Emi, only to be grabbed by the hair by Emi.]

Eth: Take your hands off the fucking kid!

Em: No. Why do that… When Murder is way more fun at this point! Besides, the enemy of my enemy is my friend right? So… Might as well help showfall before they have me ripped in half!

W: Fucking..leave them..alone!.

Em: Shut up Will! God… Virus should've made you stab your heart instead.

W:...asshat.

Em: Freak.

R: SHUT UP! YOU BITCH!

Em: Anyway… Say goodbye to Cassidy everyone!

[Cassidy struggles to get out of Emi's grasp, only to fail.]

W: Please just..leave..them be!..

Em: NOPE!

[As Emi goes to stab Cassidy, Rose runs forward from the left. Pushing Cassidy out of the way and being stabbed in the side by Emi. Emi appears genuinely confused, before laughing.]

Em: YOU TOOK THE FUCKING STAB?

R: [Pained.] F- Fuck you.

[Emi kicks Rose off the knife, the woman falls to the ground holding the area where she was stabbed as Cassidy runs over to check on them.]

C: MS. ROSE! PLEASE BE OK I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M REALLY SORRY!

R: [Between coughing.] Don't… Apologise… It's fine…

Em: UGH! Idiots come on! Taking you dumbfucks to Mai's office.

W: ..Rose?..

R: [Still coughing.] Hey… Will…

W: What..happened? I don't..

Em: I stabbed her in the side. Now come on.

R: I'll… Be… Fine.

[Will moves his arms in the direction of Emi, attempting to grab at them. Only for Emi to laugh.]

Em: Nice try stupid!

R: E- Ethan… Come here…

[Ethan moves over towards Rose, leaning down to her level]

[Rose whispers something in Ethan's ear, seemingly being as serious as possible.]

R: S- stay… Safe…

[Ethan solemnly nods.]

Em: COME ON YOU FUCKERS.

Eth: SHUT THE FUCK UP!

C: W- We should go… We need to get out… We owe it to everyone.

[Ethan nods.]

Em: COME ON THEN!

[Cassidy stands up. Signalling Emi to go first.]

Em: My pleasure.

[Emi begins leading the group away from Rose and Sparrow, as Mari walks past Rose she seemingly squeezes their right leg twice.]

M: [Whispered.] Will. She's still alive for now, just act like we were forced to leave her for dead.

W: [Whispered] Thank you..on it.

Em: Feels nice knowing she'll finally be dead soon.

W: [Louder] Shut.

Em: Even if the blood loss or kidney damage doesn't kill her… If Edgar dies, or gets remasked. Hell she'll do my job for me!

Eth: He said. Shut up.

Em: No. I won you morons.

[Will's head jerks up, although he does yelp a bit in pain.]

W: Shut the Fuck up! You fucking coward!

Em: You lost to a virus. Who's the bigger coward?

W: It's fucking dead!

Em: Viruses can't die stupid.

W: I got rid of the..mechanism for it. It's gone.

Em: Until Showfall leads you back and puts it back in.

Eth: it's not gonna happen. We're making sure of it.

Em: You guys said that about Edgar. And Rose. In fact I think Rose said that about Edgar TWICE.

Eth: Shut up.

Em: No!

[Will coughs, moving his head away as he splutters up blood.]

M: You good?

W: It's.. fine. I don't.. It's fine.

M: Not really. You're going to the doctor later.

W: No. I..don't. No.

M: You’re coughing up blood. You've had both eyes ripped out in the span of a few months. You've been beaten up by everyone under the goddamn sun. You’re going to see a doctor. At least for a day.

W: Please. I can't.. please.

M: We'll all go with you… Except Edgar. From what I understand he's banned from visiting.

W:I can't Mari I can't not again..please.

M: Why not? Please tell me?

W: ..surgery. Hetch did..surgery..

M: Oh… Wait… Who is Hetch?

[Ethan looks over.]

Eth: that's the..thats the boss of this place. The one who organised those shows for Edgar. The one who…killed Ranboo. The one who..they're just. Fucked up. I remember Will telling me about what they did.

M: Oh… WAIT. If Hetch is the boss. And is here. WHY THE FUCK DO CEO AND MANAGER HAVE TO BE HERE? Can't the boss of this hellhole do shit themselves.

Eth: They just..don't care it seems. Focused on their shows and writing.

M: Cringe.

Eth: That's the one who put Edgar in the corpse closets.

M: Double cringe.

[Emi stops, in front of a broken purple door. The doorknob seemingly missing as she kicks the door wide open.]

Em: We're here fuckers.

Eth: What now.

Em: Your escape route. Simple as that.

[Emi attempts to walk behind the group, but is followed by Mari and by extension the camera. Emi stops at the doorway and begins laughing.]

Eth: What.

Em: [Between laughing.] You idiot's… Really thought you could get everyone out?

Eth:...We all knew the risks.

Em: But you still couldn't do anything. Edgar will be dead or remasked before you morons can get out of the forest knowing him, and with Rose and Sparrow dead. You guys outside… Who's going to save him?

W: ..Mari. Put me down.

M: Not happening, I made a promise to Edgar and Rose. You’re getting out, Edgar will be fine.

W: Mari.

M: Will.

Em: EMI! Anyway it's uh… I'm not letting any of you idiot's leave this room anyway unless it's out that window.

W: Then not leaving. Room.

M: Edgar and Rose would both want you to get out and away from here! It's not your job to protect everyone anymore. HELL YOU CAN'T EVEN SEE! So like… How are you supposed to even survive here?

De: Yeah uh Will… I doubt you'd be able to survive here blind.

W: …could try.

De: THAT’S SUICIDE WILL!

[Will simply shrugs.]

Em: I say let the idiot try. Worst case scenario the monster you all call a friend dies.

C: Mr. William, I'm not permitted to swear. Can you please string together some swear words for Emi for me?

W: Uhhhh…three inch fool?

C: I meant actually swears. Like um

M: She means words like fuck, shit, bitch, ass.

Em: I could still stab you all y'know?

W: Fool?

C: No I meant… Swear for me please.

W: Ah. Grossly misinterpreted what you said. Emi, you're a bitch-ass motherfucker who smells like shit. Better?

C: YIPPEE!

Em: The blue idiot is the only one of you who doesn't smell of blood.

W: No shit, sherlock.

Em: ANYWAY. Leave before I start stabbing.

[Mari seemingly spots something out of frame, sighing.]

M: No.

Em: What?

M: Na.

Em: Why?

M: Uhhhhhhh Three. Two. One.

[Just then, the sound of something hitting Emi in the right knee is heard. The camera follows Emi as she falls to the ground. Before turning back to reveal Rose, holding Sparrow on her back, both of them wrapped up with various parts of clothing. As she holds a now cracked 2 by 4 board.]

Sp: [Weak.] GET CROWBARRED… GET 2 BY 4ED BITCH.

R: [Between coughing.] Fucking christ you have a bony kneecap.

W: They're here! Fuck yeah!

R: Told you I'd be fine.

Em: HOW! SPARROW I CHECKED YOUR PULSE TWICE!

Sp: Found out how to slow my pulse down just enough, to not be felt by hand or something.

Em: I STABBED YOU IN THE KIDNEY!

[Rose looks at Emi, almost… Happy.]

R: Nope!

Em: W- What?

R: Had to have that kidney removed when I was little thanks to complications. It's why I attacked from the left, not the right.

Sp: Will… You ok?

W: Y-Yeah! Fucking great!

Sp: Are your eyes fucked up? Bandaged.

W: Uhm..long story.

Em: One that you fucking bastards won't live to hear!

R: Someone take Sparrow. Please?

[Just then, Sparrow notices something out of frame.]

Sp: MY WAGON!

Em: I knew I threw it somewhere…

R: Sarah?

De: Yep.

[Delilah(?) walks in frame grabbing Sparrow, before walking out of frame.]

R: Will, sorry I made you worry… Honestly I'm glad I didn't bleed out.

W: No, it's! It's fine, I'm just fucking happy you're okay!

R: Cool.

Em: I told you! Your best chance of stopping me was to shoot me.

R: Oh I plan to. But first.

[Mari turns to face the window, which after a few seconds. Is shot by Rose, shattering.]

M: William, We're going to leave last okay?

W: Y-yeah, that's. That's fine.

M: Ok.

R: Get the kids out first.

[Emi gets up as the sound of a wagon being thrown out of a window is heard.]

W: Mari, If any help is needed..

M: I'll help.

De: I'll be busy, come on kids.

C: Yes ma'am.

Sp: I am, quite literally, on your back.

Em: ENOUGH. GET OVER HERE ROSE!

[Emi runs towards Rose and they begin fighting. The sounds of punches and kicks are heard in the background as Mari turns around to help get Delilah and Cassidy out the window.]

M: Ok just move slowly, lotta broken glass.

Em: GO TO HELL!

R: EMI WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME!

[The fighting continues, someone being thrown on the floor can be heard.]

W: Mari, what's going on over there?

M: Uhhh.

[The sound of Mari turning their head is heard.]

M: Rose and Emi are beating the snot out of each other. Can't tell who's winning.

[The fighting continues in the background, a loud bang is heard.]

W: What was that?

[Mari full body turns, Emi and Rose both on the ground. Emi stands up slowly, placing her right foot on Rose's stomach. Laughing.]

Em: STOP. COMING. BACK!

R: F- Fuck… N- Not good…

W: Rose?.. You..You have to get up..please!..

Em: YOU’RE GOING TO DIE AS YOU LIVED ROSE. A MONST-

[A loud snap is heard as Rose bites into Emi's shin, ripping off a chunk of flesh as Emi falls to the ground screaming.]

Em: WHY THE FUCK DO ALL OF YOU DO THAT!?

[Rose shivers.]

R: Ew. Ok yeah that was gross ew

W: Did it? Work?

M: ROSE RIPPED A CHUNK OUT THIS BITCHES LEG! YAHOO!

Em: YOU FUCKING MONSTER I-

[Just then, Emi is cut off by a loud mechanical scream close by.]

W: Rose! We all need to go!

R: Not yet.

[Emi slowly stands up, running at Rose with a knife as the footsteps get louder.]

[Will makes an unsettled sound, and his arms appear to move a bit tighter around Mari.]

Em: GO TO FUCKING HELL!

R: I'm sorry for everything.

[Emi stops, the metal footsteps do not. She walks over to the doorway slowly, almost… Having realised she's lost.]

Em: I'll never forgive you.

[In an instant green light engulfs the room as ‘Ruby’ rips through the doorway to grab Emi, who screams as the monster begins tearing at her. Starting with the arms which get snapped spraying blood around the room as bone and muscle are twisted, then the legs. Grabbed and used to slam Emi into the ground like an old plush, before also being snapped and torn off. Emi's screams get weaker as the monster lifts her up, digging one hand into her lower and one hand into her upper torso before snapping her open like an old meatstick, killing her with guts and organs falling out of what remains. The monster throws the body into the room, flesh and other bits landing on Rose.]

M: Jesus fuck-

W: That sounded..uhm...

[The monster turns it's head to face Rose and by extension Mari and the camera. Rose slowly backs up.]

M: Rose come on.

R: Taser.

M: W- What.

R: Trust me. Give me the taser. Cassidy gave it to you right?

W: What's…?

[Mari can be heard and faintly seen digging for the taser in their pocket as Rose uses a thicker string to tie one of Emi's knives to her gun, holding the gun and knife in one hand, and the string in her mouth.]

R: Hurry up running out of room.

M: GOT IT!

[Mari throws the taser at Rose as ‘Ruby’ runs at her, the monster attempts to grab Rose but is tased with an electrical crack as it screams.]

W: [quietly.] Whats- what's going on?..

M: Dunno.

[Rose runs to the stunned monster before stabbing in with the knife tied to the gun.]

R: [Almost crying.] I am… So sorry.

[After a few seconds a gunshot is heard, Rose pulls the weapon out of the monster's chest and steps back. As the monster begins… Bleeding.]

R: I… I…

[Rose falls down onto the floor, after a few seconds of wobbling. The monster follows suit, before it can hit the ground Rose grabs it. Then, seemingly using its last bit of energy. A distorted voice sounds from the creature.]

?: T- than..k… Y- ou… f- for… L- L- liv… ing.

W: Wh….

R: R- Ruby..?

[The rotting lump of wires and flesh goes limp, having used its last bit of energy to speak.]

W: Was that?..

[Rose begins crying, holding the head of the monster before looking at Mari.]

M: Need help?

R: Please..?

M: Will hold on bud.

W: M-mhm.

[Mari walks over to Rose helping her get up, before they each grab an arm of the corpse. Dragging it over to the window.]

M: Ok how should we do this? Will, any ideas?

W: What are you doing?..

M: Dragging Ruby's corpse out the window.

W: Warn, the others down there?

[Mari shouts.]

M: OI! KNOCK KNOCK

De: [Kinda distant.] WHO'S THERE!

M: BUTTER!

De: [Still distant.] BUTTER WHO?

M: BUTTER BE GLAD YOU ALREADY SMELL LIKE BLOOD!

[Mari and Rose grab the corpse and slowly drop it out the window leading to a loud scream.]

De: [Distant.] GOD DAMNIT MARI SPARROW IS DOWN HERE!

M: SORRY!

R: Thank… You.

M: Yeah, anytime dude. Will ready to uh live?

W: ..don't know?.

M: I'll ask Ness to buy you uh… What do you want from the pizza place?

W: ..what's there?

M: Breadsticks, cheesy bread, any pizza you want, salad. Y'know the usual.

W: I..don't know the usual honestly. Could I think about it?.

M: Sure uh… Welp Rose you first.

R: You first.

M: No you.

R: No you.

M: No you.

W: I'm a tiebreaker, Rose you go first.

R: Fine.

M: Be careful you still have Peony rig- What the fuck are you doing?

[Rose begins stepping backwards.]

R: Remember. Keep your arms and legs inside the window.

M: Rose don't you dare.

R: AND I'M OUTTA HERE!

[Rose runs past Mari and hops out the window, after a few seconds a thunk is heard and Rose shouts.]

R: [Kinda distant.] I'M OK!

W: Did she just? Properly throw themself out?

M: Rose fucking sprint jumped out the window.

W: Oh gods. Please don't. Please.

M: I'm not. I… Don't have a rope. Ok hold on tight dude.

W: Oh gods, Oh gods oh gods!-

[Mari leans out the window and slowly climb out to the ledge. Will's arms are seen to be trying to gasp one another, but slowly appear to be slipping.]

De: I'LL CATCH YOU!

W: A-ARE YOU SURE?

De: YES! I WOULDN'T OFFER IF I WASN'T SURE!

W: Okay, okay, okay-

[As Will says this, his hands visibly slip, and he drops from view, yelling as it falls.]

[No thud is heard, only Delilah(?) sighing.]

De: Been a minute since I had to catch someone honestly.

W: Thank you so much thank you thank you thank you-

De: No problem dude. Mari, come now!

M: BET!

[The camera shakes as Mari jumps down, landing on both feet. Before starting to laugh.]

M: Will… We… We fucking did it…

W: I..this..it's..

[He sounds odd. Almost..repressing something.]

M: Give me. One moment I made a promise to someone.

[Mari sighs, before jumping up and down in celebration.]

M: FUCK YES! HAHA! FUCK THIS MALL. FUCK MANAGER. FUCK SQUIG. FUCK IRIS. FUCK S.V2. FUCK NICHOLAS. FUCK MAI. AND FUCK EMI! I'M OUT HAHA YES GOD FUCKING DAMNIT YES!

W: AND FUCK HETCH!

M: YOU'RE GODDAMN RIGHT!

[The camera shakes as Mari continues celebrating, it lasts 30 seconds before stopping on Rose. Who is sitting there removing the knife from the gun.]

M: Rose?

R: One bullet.

M: W- What?

R: I made a promise, Mari. We both get out or neither of us do.

W: No. No Rose he's coming out.

R: If he isn't out by late tonight. I'm done Will.

W: But…you said you wouldn't.. Rose please..

R: I said I wouldn't do this if Mari didn't get him unmasked… Which They did.

W:..please. please dude.

R: I can't do it anymore Will. I can't lose him anymore.

W: You won't, just..hold on. Please..

R: Late night. That's it. That's all you're getting from me.

W: ….please..

R: I can't. Mari… Take the kids to Jenny. Get Will safe.

M: Y- You got it…

W: N-no. Don't you dare.

R: Will I'm sorry.

[Mari turns towards Delilah(?) grabbing Will and putting him back on their shoulder. It begins to struggle, trying to wriggle out of their grip.]

W: N-NO! LET GO!

M: I'm sorry. Rose is going to be ok… I promise.

W: Please.. mari, please..

[It's voice cracks and wavers.]

M: We have to go.

W: i-i can stay! I'll be fine! Please!

M: No you won't. You're hurt.

C: Transcripts on.

M: Ok cool. End transcript.

[Transcript end.]

[barelysanereviews]

2022 Top Hits: We're back! Sort of

Hello, 2023. Hello, same old us. We're hopping back in here to share some life updates and tell you about some movies, series, and books that made our hearts expand in 2022. How have you been, Barely Sane friends? We wish you a year of ease this 2023.

Colleen

2022 was kind of a whirlwind for me. I did this thing at the start of the year where I wrote myself a hopeful letter. It kind of steered me into this path of exploration, of saying yes to new experiences. So naturally, a lot of new things happened and I didn't get to read/watch a lot of things. I also went back to taking my master's, so I died half of the year. I managed to watch 85 films and 38 shows and finish 22 books. Some of my favorites I have already shared in past posts, so the six things I'll share here are those that I haven't yet talked about.

Nobody Knows (2004) - Dir. Hirokazu Koreeda

I always talk about Koreeda because his work always manages to exceed expectations (wellll except for Broker, which was still good! but I don't like it as much as the other Koreeda films). Nobody Knows is one of his most-known films, so I had high expectations, but the film still exceeded that. This was a tender, quiet ache, and—as what Koreeda usually does—delves deep into issues of home and family, and the mundane flawedness of humans. Koreeda captured what it's like to be a child thrust into a harsh, indifferent world, but his characters aren't resentful or full of hatred. Until the end, they choose survival—but they also choose hope. Link to more info here.

2. The Worst Person in the World (2021) - Dir. Joachim Trier

I didn't think much about this film after I saw it, but I guess the fact that I still remember the plot months after having seen it says something. I wouldn't be friends with this girl, and I couldn't relate to some of her struggles, but I felt invested and I wanted her life to turn out fine. I also appreciated how Trier showed his unique style throughout the film, and there's even one sequence that I sometimes still think about to this day due to my curiosity about how it was shot. Not my ultimate favorite, but would recommend. Here is the synopsis.

3. Pachinko by Min Jin Lee

There's nothing that hasn't already been said about this book, but I'm adding it to my list because it's one of the few memorable books I read last year. I found this very interesting because I didn't know a lot about the Korean diaspora in Japan. But this also tackles a lot of other things, aside from having a whole cast of characters whose depth made the story feel so real. I get that the TV adaptation changed a couple of things to make it more hopeful, because this one was tragic. It reminded me of Do Not Say We Have Nothing, which I also highly recommend.

4. Not Here to be Liked by Michelle Quach

I usually don't read young adult romance anymore, but the premise of this one reminded me of the type of YA that I liked. The main couple had clear chemistry and I think younger readers would appreciate how it tackles feminism. Looking forward to reading more Michelle Quach!

5. Yellowjackets (Season 1)

This one has a very interesting premise: a high school girl soccer team survives a plane crash in the 90s through (spoiler) a ~smattering~ of cannibalism and shady cult activity (spoiler). (Actually I'm not sure if this is still a spoiler since this is what it's known for). The show follows the girls before and immediately after the crash, and as adults with a dark past. This was thrilling, scary, and unpredictable, and I loved that this was executive produced by Karyn Kusama who directed Jennifer's Body. Melanie Lynskey, Christina Ricci, and Juliette Lewis, and the girl from The Book Thief are part of the main cast. And Frodo is part of season 2, so yay!

6. Street Woman Fighter (Season 1)

I already talked about Our Beloved Summer and My Liberation Notes in another post, so I'm going to talk about a dance competition show instead to lure you into checking out Korea's reality/variety shows. Street Woman Fighter put a spotlight on the street dancers of Korea, and on top of that, the competing groups were really fun to watch. It made me want to try dancing, even though I have zero skills.

[notrailers]

Back with another multi-review post as I saw these films, but didn’t think they needed their own dedicated review because of the content of the film or because I didn’t find it compelling enough to warrant it’s own post.

First up is Glass Onion. This film was incredible, but because it’s a murder mystery, I believe it’s better to go in as blind as possible and let it wash over you. What I will say is that this the best theater experience I had all year. Luckily, I was able to see it during its one week theater run and I think I enjoyed it more because of that. This took the premise of Knives Out and bought in to the wackiness of the characters and made it bigger. While Knives Out is a smaller, intimate film, the novelty of the concept still puts it ahead of Glass Onion. With that being said, the second film buying all the way in to Daniel Craig’s Benoit Blanc and with him at the helm there’s no reason this series can’t extend to 7 or 8 entries. This is a great family film night murder mystery and I couldn’t recommend it more.

Next is Bones and All. I wanted to like this, but I was almost ready to walk out. Not because it’s about cannibalism, that aspect actually wasn’t gruesome enough, but because I was so bored. There was no chemistry between Timothee Chalamet and Taylor Russell and that is what this movie is dependent on. The best character is Sully, another cannibal, but he disappears for a large chunk of the movie which is a major flaw in the screenplay and/or the book. This film is either too grossed to be enjoyed by standard YA romance flicks or not gross enough to be liked by horror enthusiasts. It gets caught in the middle and is all the worse off because of it.

Third up is Violent Night. This movie was not good by any stretch of the imagination, but it was a fun, violent (hence the title), action movie. The plot is thin and there’s not much to spoil. You really spend about two hours watching David Harbour kill bad guys in various Christmas themed fashions. I don’t know how this movie will age, if it will be remembered at all, or if it’ll have annual runs on cable networks, but it’s definitely worth the watch.

Finally, Guillermo del Toro’s Pinocchio. I typically don’t comment on streaming exclusive films because they’re more accessible than a film that is only in theaters, but GDT’s Pinocchio (and I guess Glass Onion too) is the exception because it was otherworldly. This is the best animated film of 2022 and I do not think it’s particularly close. He reimagined the story, expounded on the heartbreak that Geppetto felt, and set it in fascist Italy. He was allowed more liberty than Disney’s version earlier in the year and was not beholden to the original cartoon. Mix all that in with the fact this was stop-motion filmmaking and you’ve got yourself a masterpiece.

[thatsouthernstate]

I decided that I would stay in tonight. Alone. And drink.

Is that bad?

I just really, really need a break from people. In general. Not for any specific reason. Just because it’s been such a long past few weeks. I need alone time.

So I’m here with tequila. And rewatching Fresh right now because… Of course.

[vampireonastick]

Hi, do you think Mori is involved in any way in the whole conspiracy? Much of what he's been doing since Cannibalism Arc started is rather sus tbh....

Hello Anon! Thank you for the ask!!

I’m assuming by conspiracy, you mean all the mindgames and planning going on during the DoA arc?

Because if so, then yes, I absolutely believe Mori is involved, and I completely agree with you Anon, Mori’s behaviour throughout this entire arc is suspicious as hell.

I figure Mori is most likely one of Dazai’s allies, with Dazai likely being the one doing most of the planning, and Mori providing assistance and resources as needed.

(more under the cut)

The main reason I suspect Mori is involved in Dazai’s plot, at least to some degree, has to do with all of these suspicious behaviours of his.

For starters, Mori has demonstrated multiple times that his outlook when it comes to winning conflicts is “he who strikes first wins.” But throughout the whole DoA arc we haven’t actually seen him doing much.

He sends Chuuya in a helicopter to help the ADA escape from the Hunting Dogs directly after the live broadcast, shelters some of the ADA members for a few days, and Tanizaki and Kenji say that he came and found them to let them know it was time to reunite with the other ADA members. We also know he sent Tachihara to fight Fukuchi after learning he was a double agent. So while he is taking some action, it’s sly, and detached. It feels less like he’s ‘striking first’ and more so that he’s ‘moving the pawns to the right places’.

Of course, Mori’s reasoning for laying low throughout this whole situation could be simply that he views this as ‘the ADA’s issue’, and is thus not something worth his time or effort. But I don’t think this is quite true. After all, this is Fyodor we are talking about. Just a few months ago, Fyodor came after both the ADA and the Port Mafia. Mori himself was a direct victim in the cannibalism arc. Therefore, you’d think that Mori would find any signs of Fyodor’s resurgence a threat, even if Fyodor isn’t directly targeting him or the Port Mafia.

And Fyodor is directly targeting the Port Mafia. Ya know, considering the fact half of the Port Mafia’s most powerful members are currently vampires, Mori hardly seems concerned at all, which is a little odd. 

Mori’s nonchalant attitude when it comes to the vampire infestation is half the reason why I believe Dazai already knew the vampire outbreak would happen before he even went to Meursault. 

If Mori and Dazai are working together, and Dazai had planned around the vampire outbreak, then that could explain why Mori is so calm and distant throughout the arc. 

I think Dazai and Mori working together would also explain one certain plot point near the start of the DoA arc that has confused me since first reading about it. 

The deal Mori made with Fukuzawa.

Choosing An ADA Member to Join the Port Mafia

In exchange for Mori sending Chuuya to help the ADA escape the hunting dogs, he asks Fukuzawa for a member of the detective agency as compensation. In my opinion, this deal is the most suspicious thing Mori has done during this entire arc so far. 

On the surface, this sounds like it would be a great deal on Mori’s end. He barely has to lift a finger in order to fulfil his end of the bargain, and in return, he gets his pick of any member of the agency (except for Yosano), many of whom have incredibly powerful abilities. But in my opinion, this whole deal is meaningless, and would cost Mori much more than he would actually gain in the long run, which is something I think Mori is well aware of. 

The Port Mafia runs on loyalty. And no matter who Mori picks from the ADA, he will never have their loyalty. Loyalty is not easy to force upon another person, especially when they already have a place they would much rather be. Throughout the series, we have been shown people join the Port Mafia out of desperation and lack of better options. But considering the whole ‘living in the light’ plotline we got with Kyouka, and the entire concept of Beast, the ADA is portrayed as a much better option than the mafia. So, I really don’t see Mori being able to get any use out of any agency member beyond a trophy piece, especially if he can’t have Yosano. With the ADA’s morals in their head, how many agency members would actually participate in mafia activities? Perhaps if they are literally forced to, but I don’t know… It just doesn’t seem like it's worth the effort imo. Well… There may be one agency member who would thrive in the mafia’s environment, considering he spent a great deal of his teen years there. I’ll talk about him in just a moment. 

So why would Mori offer such a deal when there really isn’t much for him to gain from it? Well, it could have been a cover. 

If Mori had just called Fukuzawa out of the blue and offered to save and shelter his employees without a catch, Fukuzawa would have likely found that behaviour to be highly odd and suspicious. 

I think the more likely scenario is that, in exchange for Mori’s help, resources, and cooperation in Dazai’s master plan, Dazai agreed to rejoin the mafia once this situation with the Decay of Angels has ended. We know Mori wants Dazai to rejoin the mafia, so I’d say this would be a pretty good incentive for Mori to comply with all Dazai’s orders and plans.

I think Mori made this deal with Fukuzawa to trick the ADA into thinking Dazai is only joining the Mafia because Fukuzawa agreed to Mori’s deal and that he has no other choice.

If Dazai were to up and leave the ADA of his own will, he would have to face backlash from his friends and colleagues, which would be a pain. So, by Mori offering this deal to Fukuzawa, Dazai now has an out. Mori can ‘pick’ Dazai fair and square, and Dazai can make good on his end of the deal with Mori by rejoining the mafia without his colleagues believing Dazai betrayed them, or trying to stop him from leaving. Dazai leaving the ADA will be Fukuzawa’s burden to bear, not Dazai’s.

So in a sense, the deal Mori made with Fukuzawa was actually just a way to get Fukuzawa to unknowingly agree to a deal Mori and Dazai had already made between themselves. That’s what I believe, anyway.

So yeah, I’d say it’s highly likely Mori is somehow involved in the behind the scenes planning and execution of Dazai’s plans during the DoA arc. (But this is all just a guess, of course)

=============

I know I didn’t go over all of his odd behaviour, but these are the main points that stuck out to me. Thank you again for the ask Anon!! I had actually been thinking about this concept a few months ago, I had started writing a theory on who Mori could be working with during the DoA arc, but ended up never finishing it. So this gave me an excellent opportunity to expand on and post some of the thoughts I had etched out in that old document.

[writethelifeyouwant]

Lost

Summary: When Dean finally finds Castiel in Purgatory, their reunion is all consuming.

Pairing: Dean x Castiel Rating: 18+ Warnings: Non Con/Withdrawn Consent, Major Character Death Tags: Destiel, hint of Denny, Lovers to Enemies, Erotic Cannibalism kinda… IDEK ok Word Count: 1,102 Created for: @spnkinkbingo - Leviathan!Cas | @anyfandomgoesbingo - Lovers to Enemies Fic | @spndeanbingo - Rough Sex

The sight of the angel by the stream is euphoric. Thrilling, incandescent. Dean doesn’t know when he turned into such a fucking pussy but seeing Castiel again feels like being whole. Cas has been an extension of him since he put that goddamn brand on his shoulder four years ago. And even though the scar isn’t there any longer, Cas had marked Dean in other ways. Deep, invisible ways Dean never intended to admit to, but recognises in himself now, with Cas standing stoically and bedraggled by the water’s edge.

“Cas!” Dean laughs as he pulls him into a hug, one the angel doesn’t return. “Damn, it’s good to see you.” He makes himself let go and pulls back to look at Cas more closely. “Nice peach fuzz,” he pokes at Cas’s unkempt beard, raising his hand as if to run his fingers across it, but then remembers Benny and lets his hand drop. There was a lot that had gotten complicated since they’d been separated in this hellhole.

“Thank you,” Cas responds in his grumbly timbre, and Dean can’t help the smile that comes to his face at finally hearing his voice again after so long. And to hear him speaking sanely again, back to his old grumpy, wooden self. Dean’s missed this Cas. Now they can finally get out of this god forsaken cesspit of crazy and creepy.

Except Cas doesn’t want to go.

“Cas, buddy, I need you,” Dean admits with a breathless laugh, the closest he’s ever come to saying what he really wants to say. Cas’s expression drops, forlorn in his convictions.

“Dean,” Cas shakes his head, but Dean doesn’t let him finish.

“And if Leviathan wanna take a shot at our ass, let ‘em. We ganked those bitches once before, we can do it again.”

“It’s too dangerous,” Cas protests.

“Let me bottom line it for ya. I’m not leaving here without you, understand?” Dean isn’t taking no for an answer goddammit, not after how long it took to find him, not after everything else. Cas pauses, takes a deep breath, considering.

“I understand,” he nods gravely, and Dean breathes a sigh of relief, pulling him in for another hug. He hears Benny scoff behind them but decides he doesn’t care enough to break away. Cas tucks his head against Dean’s shoulder, his new beard scraping roughly against his neck. Dean shivers in his grip, but reprimands himself. Now isn’t the time.

As if Castiel had read his mind, and it isn’t the first time Dean’s wondered if Cas can do that, Cas pulls out of the hug and kisses him. He grunts in surprise against the angel’s lips, greeted with an onslaught of tongue and fervour reminiscent of what Dean could recall of Cas kissing Meg against the wall of that grimy warehouse. Dean remembers feeling incredibly conflicted about that, simultaneously jealous and turned on. Experiencing it put him on a whole new plane. For an angel who was still a fucking virgin so far as Dean was aware, the guy knew what he was doing in the tongue department. He could hear Benny trying to talk to them but his mind was far too distracted to discern any of the words.

Suddenly Cas pulls back and Dean is left staggering, staring blindly at the angel, who is panting hard and staring back at him.

“You two done yet?” Benny grunts, arms crossed over his chest, clearly unimpressed, and if Dean’s reading it right, just a touch jealous. He’s flattered, really, that he’s so desirable. Dean grins sheepishly at the vampire, with a shrug of his shoulders as if to say ‘well, can you blame us?’, and Benny rolls his eyes back.

“No,” Cas grunts, and both Dean and Benny turn to him. It takes Dean a moment to realise that Cas was answering Benny’s question. “No we’re not done yet.”

The breath is knocked clean out of him as Cas pulls Dean down to his knees and shoves him roughly back onto the bank of the stream, climbing over him and kissing him again, fierce as ever.

“Jesus Christ,” Dean hears Benny groan somewhere behind them. “Come find me when y’er done.”

Dean tries to grunt out an agreement but it turns into a moan as Cas’s fingers fumble down his chest and land on his jeans. Cas isn’t careful with the clothing, and Dean’s not inclined to care about that right now, though he may regret it later. He reaches down to get Cas stripped out of his garments too. The trench coat comes in handy as a blanket to lay down so he doesn’t get mud up his ass.

It’s rough; messy. Just like everything else in Purgatory. Dean is wide open, vulnerable as he’ll ever be, but even in a place like this, he still feels safe. This feels right.

The pain of Cas pushing in is dulled by the pleasure of the angel’s hand on his cock, pumping him roughly in his spit-soaked palm. Dean’s eyes squeeze shut against the onslaught of sensations, too overwhelming, and he lets himself go, losing himself to just another primal urge that seems to be all he can cling to in this place.

“Fuck, this was worth it,” Cas grunts above him, and Dean groans in agreement. This was absolutely worth the wait; Cas filling him up, finally being inside of him, not just near, not just touching, not just scarring, but actually inside. Part of him.

“God, Dean,” Cas groans, thrusting harder, hand dropping from Dean’s cock as he chases his own pleasure, arms dropping to either side of Dean’s head as he falls forward. He fucks into him without mercy, Dean’s hips banging into the ground with every push, and even though Cas isn’t jerking him off anymore, this new angle is getting something inside him that’s pushing him over the edge.

“Shit, Cas!” Dean moans, punching his hips back, trying to force the angel back inside him. “Fuck, gonna cum.”

“Almost,” Cas hisses through gritted teeth, breath hot and sharp against Dean’s ear. Then in a blinding rush of heat and pain, everything is over.

Cas straightens up, pulling out of Dean’s body with a relieved sigh. He cracks his neck, shrugging away the tension and ache in his muscles. He’ll be refreshed soon enough. Dropping the obsidian blade back to the ground he stretches his mouth wide and roars as his teeth sink into his prey, devouring from the head down.

Other Leviathan frowned on it, but he always thought it was more fun to play with your food first.

Enjoy my work? Consider supporting me by subscribing to my website!

We’re All Mads Here: @vulgar-library @jackandthesoulmates @negans-lucille-tblr @fandomfic-galore @petitgateau911 @schaefchenherde @kickingitwithkirk @little-diable @laxe-chester67 @kassyscarlett @austin-winchester67 @flamencodiva @katbratsupernaturalwhore

All SPN: @cemini-winchester @akshi8278 @stoneyggirl @deandreamernp @lyarr24 @lovealways-j @slamminmine @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone @eddiesgirl @raidens-realm @tatted-trina6 @defenderrosetyler @delightfullykrispypeach @05supernatural20

[gallavictorious]

Gallavich Week Day 5: Fix-It / Rewrite

Right, so fix-its aren’t so much my jam, but there is this one weird, weird, weird thing that I’ve (so far) been unable to meta into any sort of sense. Namely, Mickey looking like that in season 11 while apparently not working out. It’s just… uh… he… what? At one point I hypothesized that he’s been bitten by a radioactive spider or the like, leaving him magically super buff, and to be honest, that’s still the most reasonable explanation I can think of, soooo…

Today I'm back at my nonsense to bring you, everyone and especially our dear @gallavichthings, 2,711 Very Serious words about Mickey being a secret superhero. Well. Except for the hero bit.

Read it below or on AO3.

---

In Which Mickey Milkovich Does Not Save the World

Afterwards, he would always refer to it as the radioactive motherfucker bug from hell, but the truth is that Mickey never saw the thing that got him.

He was going about his business (namely poking around the Gallagher basement for any forgotten shit he could sell for beer money now that all the cash from the wedding had been surreptitiously replaced with I.O.U:s) when he felt a sudden, sharp pain just above his ankle. Cursing up a storm, he desperately waved his foot around and lost his balance and stumbled straight into one of the many piles of boxes that littered the basement. By the time he was back on his feet whatever creature that had dug its nasty little teeth/pincers/claws into his tender flesh had scurried off, leaving Mickey with a throbbing ache and a halfway impressive puncture wound on his left leg.

Muttering darkly about fucking Gallaghers being so used Frank they didn’t know how to keep goddamned monster vermin out of their shitty house Mickey limped up the stairs to pour some Jamison on the wound, and then pour some down his throat because he had the bottle out already so he might as well. He borrowed one of Franny’s colourful pirate-patterned band-aids, and when his nosy as fuck ex-EMT of a husband asked about it later that evening Mickey said he’d dropped a can on his foot, it’s just a scratch, man, no you don’t need to take a look at it, just put your fingers back in my ass, please.

Mickey didn’t make a habit of lying to Ian, but he figured that telling the truth would lead to all sorts of questions about why he was in the basement and having to come up with plausible explanation for that when he should just be focusing on getting railed wasn’t part of his plans for the evening. Besides, it wouldn’t be fair to Ian, who’d been getting so worked up over money lately, to distract him with that sort of unimportant stuff while they were banging. Mickey was a considerate spouse.

Thankfully, Ian dropped the subject and proceeded to do his husbandly duty. Mickey went to sleep deeply satisfied.

He was almost as satisfied the next morning when he woke up to realize that the pain in his leg was gone, as were all traces of the wound itself. Mickey had always healed pretty fast, but this was quick enough to have him questioning whether or not he’d really been bitten/stung/whatever at all. Maybe he’d had more beers than he thought and imagined the whole thing… ?

It didn’t really matter, and if that had been the whole of it Mickey was likely to soon have forgotten all about the radioactive motherfucker bug from hell. However, in the next few weeks he started noticing stuff, weird stuff. For instance, it wasn’t just the (possibly imagined) bite/sting that healed far more quickly than normal; it was all the little cuts and scrapes he tended to acquire. A big bruise from running into the table while playing with Franny; faded to nothing the next morning. A cut from the razor; gone within the hour. For the first time he could remember, Mickey looked at his naked body in the mirror and saw not one single wound (though there were still scars aplenty). It wasn’t a bad thing, per se, but it was weird.

Then there was that thing with his muscles. Mickey had been in decent shape for most of his life and whenever he got locked up for extended periods of time he made a habit of hitting the gym on the regular. Really wasn’t much else to do in the joint, and having a decent bulk reminded the other inmates that you weren’t someone they could push around; letting people know that you could beat the shit out of them often meant you didn’t have to actually do it, which saved everyone a lot of time and energy and trips to the prison quack. But on the outside, exercise wasn’t very high on Mickey’s list of priorities, meaning he tended to slim down a bit after a while in freedom.

Not now, though. Almost a year after being out of prison, and he was still as built as ever; if anything he seemed to be developing more muscles, in spite rarely engaging in anything more taxing than vigorous fucking. (Okay, so there was a lot of vigorous fucking, but still. If anyone ought to be building their biceps from the sex they were having, it should be Ian.)

Mickey didn’t mind being inexplicably ripped, though. He felt great, looked great – and Ian seemed to be pretty into it, too. Then again, Ian seemed to be pretty into Mickey whether he wore dirty clothes, sported a beard, sported a dress, or hadn’t showered in a week, so maybe that wasn’t saying a lot.

But even given all that, maybe Mickey still wouldn’t have thought too much about it (he was, after all, very busy being on his honeymoon, which required lots of determined sleep-ins, dedicated beer-drinking, and – obviously – lots and lots of banging) if there hadn’t one day come a knock on the front door. At first he ignored itm in the hopes that someone else would get it, but when it became apparent that a, he was alone in the house, and b, whoever was at the door wasn’t giving up anytime soon, he grabbed the family baseball bat (even big soft ass Larry would react to Mickey opening the door with an extremely illegal gun in hand) and went to answer the insistent knocking.

Outside stood two women, looking an unsettling mix of sober and apprehensive and eager. One of them reminded him vaguely of Angie Zago; the other was taller and darker and quite possibly brooding.

“Can I help you?” he demanded, not quite as rudely as he might have. He didn’t think they were social workers, but one never knew; they’d been checking up on Debbie and Franny ever since Debbie pleaded guilty to statutory rape.

“Mr. Mikhailo Aleksandr Milkovich?” Not-Angie inquired in a polite sort of tremble. 

“Who’s asking?” Mickey demanded, feeling a little thrown by the use of his full name. The only people who pulled that out was law enforcement, and neither of these ladies had that feel about them. Especially since they seemed to be… excited to meet him, which wasn’t a reaction Mickey was used to getting. Particularly not from ladies looking like they ought to be out collecting for the fucking Red Cross.

They better not be asking for donations for the Red Cross.

“I’m Tania and this is Dreamweaver,” Not-Angie said. “Can we come in? It’s really best if we talk in private.”

Mickey didn’t move. “Dreamweaver? You kick your mama too many times in the kidneys before you were born or something?”

The women glanced uncertainly at each other. “Mr. Milkovich,” the one improbably called Dreamweaver began, but Mickey cut her off:

“You with the police?”

They quickly shook their heads. “No, we— “

“You here to give me money?”

“No, you see, it’s— “

“Okay, thank you, bye.” But as he moved to close the door, Tania – displaying more spunk than he’d have given her credit for – took a step forward and blocked the entrance.

“Have you been experiencing any strange body phenomena lately, Mr. Milkovich?” she blurted. “Wounds healing very quickly, perhaps, or increased muscle mass?”

Mickey stilled, eyes darting between the two women. Small, small smiles on their faces now, as if they knew they had him. There was a hint of hunger to those smiles, making Mickey feel uncharacteristically uncomfortable. The urge to push Tania back and slam the door shut was strong, but…

“Fine,” he said at long last. “Come on in.”

They better not be fucking cannibals either.

---

They called themselves The Guardians, and they wanted him to save the world.

Mickey asked what numbers they were talking and, after getting bored of their uncomprehending stares, clarified: “How much is it gonna pay? What’s my cut?”

Dreamweaver frowned. “You mean… money? As in a… salary?”

“Yeah, sure. What’s my salary?”

“Mr. Milkovich, saving the world is a higher calling and a duty, it’s not something that– “

“Uh-huh. So, just to be clear, you’re not gonna pay me?”

They weren’t. Mickey laughed in their faces, stood from the couch, and told them bye and good luck with that and don’t let the door hit ya on the way out.

They reasoned with him. They pleaded. They explained, again and again, that after the evil society USCH destroyed The Guardian’s headquarters in a devastating attack, the two of them–and Mickey–was the only thing standing between the world and utter destruction. Surely, he must understand that it was nothing less than Fate that had brought the one remaining Bestower Bot into the Gallagher basement and his path? Admittedly, injecting Mickey with the bio enhancer might have been the result of a malfunction – Tania and Dreamweaver had found the bot dead down the street a couple of nights ago – but didn’t he see that he had been called to serve as a warrior in the fight against evil?

“Yeah, no thanks,” Mickey told them, and then he picked up the bat and waved it around until they took the hint and left.

When Ian returned home a few hours later, Mickey carefully didn’t mention the curious visit or any of what Tania and Dreamweaver had told him. Ian was pretty into saving people and had all these lame ideas about service and honor, and Mickey found it more likely than not that his husband would both be upset that Mickey, rather than Ian himself, had been called as a warrior (it’d be Lip and West Point all over again, Mickey just knew it), and demand that Mickey answer the call and run off like some loon to get himself killed by evil technomancers.

Mickey didn’t particularly feel like dying and he didn’t like the idea of hurting his husband’s feelings either, so he kept his mouth shut and skillfully derailed all of Ian’s attempts at asking about his day by giving him a blow job, teasing him about being a grunt, and allowing himself to be wrestled to the floor when Ian decided he’d had enough of teasing. It was a good evening.

As he lay in bed that night, back against Ian’s chest and with those strong arms wrapped around him, Mickey wondered if it would be worth risking Ian’s reaction by going public. Okay, Tania and Dreamweaver had mentioned how he’d probably gotten a pretty small dose of the bio-whatever-the-fuck, lending him nothing more exciting than enduring muscle mass and enhanced healing, but that should probably be enough to turn him into a cut above the rest, right? He could hire himself out to the highest bidder and make a fortune doing private security or collections or stuff like that. Fuck, he’d even consider taking on jobs for The Guardians, if they just agreed to pay him.

It was a fun thought to play with, but in the end a long life in the shadows made Mickey wary of putting himself out there like that. Besides, he’d seen enough movies to know that it’d probably wouldn’t be long before he mysteriously disappeared to some secret government facility to be experimented on. He’d had enough of the state’s hospitality to last him a lifetime, so thanks, but no fucking thanks.

And that could have been it. Should have been it, but of course Tania and Dreamweaver wouldn’t leave well enough alone. They started showing up at the Gallagher house at all hours, whenever they knew they could get Mickey alone. They accosted him on the way to the Alibi, they sat down next to him on the L, and they left him pictures of puppies with little notes saying stuff like “Only YOU can SAVE him from BURNING. Have a HEART”.

It was exhausting. Fearing the retribution of the cartel hadn’t anything on fearing seeing Tania and Dreamweaver’s disappointed-yet-still-somehow-hopeful-and-terribly-determined faces appear in a crowd, or round a corner, or on the porch when he went out for his evening smoke.

Mickey began to lose sleep. He’d spend the nights tossing and turning, which led to him staying in bed half the day to catch up on much needed rest, and he was often so tired he couldn’t bring himself to put on proper clothes or go outside the door the whole day. 

Ian was on his ass about getting a job; he didn’t get that Mickey had a job, and that job was not getting lured into sacrificing his life for the greater good. If Ian didn’t like the prospects of being a prison widow, how offensive wouldn’t he find the prospect of being an actual widower, after his husband got blown to bits by some big bad villain?

It got to the point of Ian initiating a sex strike to force Mickey to get “a real job”, which struck Mickey as really fucking unfair, considering how all he was trying to do was make sure Ian even had a husband to refuse to fuck.

Enough was enough. Something had to be done. Fortunately for Mickey – and unfortunately for Tania and Dreamweaver – Mickey had a guy for everything. As annoying as The Guardians were, Mickey didn’t have the heart to see them killed, but he figured that having them kidnapped and shipped off to some sweatshop on the other side of the world would serve the same purpose. He felt a little bad about it, sure, but he had given them plenty of chances to fuck off. Not his fault they couldn’t respect a fucking boundary.

Mickey called Johnny, told him the score, and a few night later Johnny called Mickey to tell him it was done.

It was done. Over. Mickey would finally be able go about his life in peace again, giving all his attention to his husband and doing his outmost to make him the happiest man alive every single day, even when Ian was annoying as hell and started asking pointless fucking questions about how Mickey was in such great shape even though he never did as much as one single curl up.

I see. So… you’re telling me that you have secret superpowers.

Yeah. Except, not actually secret anymore. ‘Cause, you know, you told me we shouldn’t have secrets.

… yeah, that was three months ago.

Guess it must have slipped my mind, huh.

Must have. But let me get this straight: you couldn’t get a real job because you were busy dodging secret agents, and your muscles are the result of you getting bitten by some magic robot—

Radioactive motherfucker bug from hell.

—and not you sneaking down to the basement to do weights and cardio almost every day?

… oh.

Yeah, oh. Carl told me about it, asshole. He noticed you using some of the stuff down there. Don’t get why you’d wanna keep that a secret though?

…

Mick. We have to be honest with each other, remember?

Jesus Christ, I don’t know, okay? I don’t know.

Okay.

Guess the first time was back when you had that dip a couple of months after the wedding. Few times after that, if we had a fight or whatever and I needed to let off some steam. Then you started working and sometimes I got bored watching TV all day but you were all mopey about your shitty job and me not having any and you have this thing about your body—

I don’t have a thing about my body.

­—so I didn’t really wanna rub your face in me having all that time to work out when you could barely squeeze in dozen push-ups in the evening. And I guess I didn’t really want anyone to know that I… cared, or whatever.

Cared? About what? Being healthy? Looking good? Being strong?

Whatever, man, I told I don’t fucking know. Anyway, it doesn’t matter, ‘cause it was a radioactive motherfucker bug from hell that did it.

Of course it was. Come here. Show me what that bio enhanced body of yours can do.

---

Ahahahahahaha, would you look at that. I tried to meta it anyway. 😭😭😭

You might reasonably ask about Mickey’s visit to Kev Fit – how does that fit? WELL, I rather imagine that whatever Mickey does in that basement is enough to keep him fit but still not SUPER hardcore? So when he starts worrying about Ian thinking him weaker than, he decides to take it up a notch and do it properly in a real(ish) gym? And his comment about “not remembering how much working out sucks” is part of the whole “not wanting anyone to know this is something I care to do on the regular”… Yeah, it’s pretty weak. All in all, I’d say the radioactive motherfucker bug from hell is still our best bet. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

This is probably the last time I have one of them tell the other a story this week, but I make no promises. These little ficlets don’t tend to go as planned. (Ha! She said, as if there was a plan to begin with. Oh, well. I guess it’s working out so far.)