#expect some series repeats throughout this list lol

[visualtaehyun]

Lots of brilliant, thoughtful, funny posts out there about today's BMF episode so I just wanna jump in with some Thai!

Disclaimer: I'm still learning but want to share my love for Thai more! So feel free to correct me or expand on anything 🙏

What Pisaeng says here is that he wants them to stop using the pronouns กู (guu) / มึง (mueng) that they have both been using with each other so far. From my experience watching Thai series, they're most common in male friendships but Not and Kwan use them with each other as well in this show! In most school and university settings, you'll hear it between guys all the time but they're actually quite rude. You might see parents in Thai shows scold their kids for using them. Here's Punn from Be Mine Superstar using กู (guu) / มึง (mueng) while he's fighting with his little brother in front of their mom and immediately-

You might see someone intentionally switch to these pronouns in anger, like Payu in Love in the Air when Stop spits on his bike. He repeats his sentence, just switches out the polite 2nd person pronoun คุณ (khun) for มึง (mueng).

Between friends they express closeness and there's a long list of Thai BL couples who start as friends or school mates and thus continue to use them after they start dating. But there's also lots who decide to change how they speak to each other. A compromise I see a lot is foregoing pronouns and using names (yes, you can refer to yourself and others by name in Thai, it gives a bit of an intimate or cute feeling though). Like super sweet Khabkluen and Daonuea from Star in My Mind (here Our Skyy 2) who call themselves and each other by Kluen and Dao and also use the polite ending particle ครับ (khab).

Now where the hell am I going with all of this?

After Pisaeng brings up the pronoun thing and Kawi goes "Like what?", I was expecting the option Names. But then Pisaeng pulls a sly happy face and I adjust to expecting เธอ (ter) maybe?? considering its frequent use in (love) songs and in some recent memes such as โอ้เธอหวานเจี๊ยบ (Oh ter! Waan jiab! = Oh you! SO sweet!) - if you at all follow GeminiFourth, you have certainly heard or read it before lol

What Pisaeng actually says though is the epitome of lover-cutespeak:

เตง (dtaeng), a version/shortening of ตัวเอง (dtua-eeng) which originally means 'oneself', and is mostly used along with the 1st person pronoun เค้า (kao), which itself is a version of a 3rd person pronoun. Confused? The idea here seems to be a Call me by your name/I am You, You are Me type of deal. The only couple I can remember off the top of my head who actually uses them is Liu and See-ew in The Warp Effect.

Moving on though! Kawi expectedly and hilariously shoots that down and:

...his 'you' here is มึง (mueng) again, to Pisaeng's disappointment lol

So Kawi repeats his question, using the polite 2nd person pronoun คุณ (khun) and the polite ending particle ครับ (khab), that he intentionally pronounces sweetly by elongating the vowel. Pisaeng responds by using the polite male 1st person pronoun ผม (pom) that works in lots of situations.

Maybe it's that I've been conditioned by too many university settings in Thai BL but I somehow didn't expect these friends-to-lovers university students to go with this choice (P'Waa managing to surprise me again). It reads as mature in a way? Like intentionally being not just polite but formal. It's a thing you might hear from parent characters/spouses but also just normal working adults, like Tan and Bun in Manner of Death. They continuously work towards building a long-lasting relationship while the show keeps subverting expected BL tropes left and right!

Throughout the rest of this episode, they omit pronouns where possible but Pisaeng starts using them repeatedly during dinner at the restaurant and in the preview they both use ผม (pom) / คุณ (khun) comfortably.

After many lines of omitted pronouns during the amusement park date, Pisaeng makes it a point to use ผม (pom) / คุณ (khun) right here, by the way:

[alovesreading]

Constant Repeat | Part 2

Summary:  Having worked at Focus Creeps for a year, Ella knows that as a production assistant and part of the crew, there’s one important rule: don’t interact with the talent unless it’s needed. But once she meets Arctic Monkeys, and the recording of the music videos for their upcoming fourth studio album starts, the band seem to become her exception. Not only because they treat her more like a friend than just someone else they’re working with but when Alex continuously makes her blush with his flirting, so enthralled by her that he forgets he’s got a girlfriend, Ella finds herself growing closer to him. As videos are filmed, wrapped and edited, the friendship lines become blurry. Situations unfold, secrets are told and others are kept under lock and key, but how long can Alex and Ella endure being stuck in each other’s minds on constant repeat.

Word Count: 15.5k

Story Warnings: Throughout this series there will be suggestive talk, jealousy, cheating, alcohol and drug use, angst, smut.

A/N: Hello!! I'm still pinching myself over the fact that I'm posting this story now lol, it doesn't quite feel real you're all getting to read it now. I remember so clearly how giddy I was writing this chapter back in April 2022 and reading it back again makes me so nostalgic for some reason. Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy! x

Masterlist 

Part 1 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 |

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One thing she wasn’t expecting to hear from Aaron today was that they would be filming another music video. But it wasn’t the fact that it was a music video, it was whose music video they were filming.

Arctic Monkeys were back. And Focus Creeps were producing their new music video. Again.

After filming ‘Brick by Brick’, she had started listening to them religiously, and that was a fact she would keep quiet now that she knew she was going to see the band again. Their latest single, ‘Don’t Sit Down Cause I’ve Moved Your Chair’, was so good—she listened to it at least twice on any drive she made.

Another list was handed over by Aaron, this time with days of anticipation and not as long as the first one. She’d just need to make some calls to a couple of models to see who could make it to the shoot and just make sure the costume design department was ready to work with the model once they managed to get her.

Their job shouldn’t be too hard as all the girls that were written down as an option had similar measurements, if anything they’d just have to do a little cinching at the waist or shorten the sleeves of the black bodysuit she’d have to wear.

After multiple calls, they finally had a model. Scarlett would be their hellcat and she’d be coming in for fittings later in the day. With that news and everything else checked out, she made her way over to Aaron’s office.

“We have our girl: Scarlett Kapella. She’ll be coming by at eleven for her fittings and the makeup rehearsal, everything else I’ve checked out twice and if anything comes up I’ll just let you or Ben know.” The director received the now crossed out and annotated list with a nod and a smile.

“Great, after the fittings and all that, please have the costume design department bring me the pictures to show the clients.” Aaron tapped his hands on the table and then put the list to the side.

With a smile she said, “Of course, I'll call Margaret to let her know.”

“Thanks Ella.” Aaron said and continued to do whatever he was doing on his computer.

With a nod she left the office, making her way to her desk and gave Margaret, the costume designer department manager, a quick call about Aaron’s wishes after the fittings.

As Ella went through her emails, she found herself pondering how this time would be, surely she didn’t really know what the plan for the video was other than the model being filmed at the venue they were playing at and catching some of the gig on camera, but she kept wondering what it would be like to hang around them for a second time.

Thinking back to when they were filming their music video always brought a smile to her face because it had been just one of those experiences that get stuck in your mind. And that memory was just as stuck in her mind as they way she had felt talking to them, even if it had been brief, they were so friendly that they’d made her feel incredibly at ease from the very second they spoke to her.

Not to mention the way she had felt under Alex’s gaze and attention. It was weird really, she couldn’t quite put her finger on it and she felt the slightest bit pathetic when she got nervous thinking about seeing Alex again.

Realizing she had been typing an email reply that made absolutely no sense, she forced herself to focus on work and leave the questions for another day, specifically for the day the band was supposed to be in town. You can focus for three more days, right?

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Three torturous days had passed, through which Ella had to force herself to focus on work every minute of the day, only really allowing herself to think about the future encounter during her lunch break.

She had once been staring too long at the wall while eating her favorite chicken salad, thinking and thinking, that she didn’t hear the constant questioning of her coworkers.

“Earth to Ella?” Tyler’s hands were waving in front of her eyes.

It took her six blinks to come back from reality, she swallowed the bite of chicken she had in her mouth and cleared her throat, “What? Sorry, I was just… erm…” another six consecutive blinks, “I was just thinking about the upcoming music video we have to film.” She dug her fork back into her plate to get another bite.

“Oh yeah, well that’s going to be fun, we get to see a concert for free.” Diana, the head of their makeup team, said.

Ella let a hum in agreement, holding back from talking with her mouth full.

“It’s going to be a long day though.” Tyler replied, and rubbed his face with his hands, “I need a nap just from thinking about it.”

She chuckled, “Same.” and sighed thinking about the endless ways that day could unfold.

But now all that was in her head was how tired she was. It had been an early call to work to start shooting as soon as possible and, of course, she had had to wake up at five in the morning to be in the office ready to leave by six.

Once again, they would capture them around LA so Ben had suggested going on a hike next to the beach, that way they could get them in different scenery and they could capture their surroundings to fulfill the California aesthetic they were looking for.

So there they were, being hit by the early morning wind. This time she had brought a jacket, not that it made much difference though, she had her hold tight on her clipboard, having to press it hard to her chest to avoid the papers on it flying everywhere. She was grateful for her decision to put her hair up in a ponytail before leaving the van.

They had parked right beside the blue vintage convertible the band had arrived in. All of them were smoking and chatting. Matt and Jamie were facing them, Nick and Alex with their backs to the van. When Aaron and Ben approached them to say hello, they started tossing the buds to the floor, putting them out quickly before shaking hands with the two Americans.

Ella took Alex’s smile and Matt’s nod as a queue to get closer and wave at them, “Hi guys, good morning.” She smiled and covered her face from the rising sun hitting her face.

They all returned her greeting and she felt warm inside from how nice they were to her, even if she was well aware it was bare minimum.

Ben then decided to get things started out, “Okay guys, long day ahead. Are you ready?”

Four yeah’s were heard and with that Aaron turned to get the whole crew ready. Today they were using four video cameras and she felt bad for the cameramen, their arms would be giving out by the end of the day.

The stylist made her way towards the band, only Jamie asking for a hair touch up after the wind had messed it up on the drive and he couldn’t get it just right with his fingers.

Ella made her way to the crew where a short speech from Aaron was being heard, and right when it finished they all scrambled to get their things ready. She made sure to ask everyone if they needed anything else, and when she got full confirmation that they didn’t, she made her way back to Ben.

“I think having you guys walk around, catching some of the scenery and eventually you posing in front of the landscape would be good.” He waved his hands around pointing to the areas he was thinking of having them, to make sure the lads were following his vision, “We would get most of the footage for the video later at the venue so just enjoy the walk and we’ll capture it all.” A smile came to his face as a silent ‘is that alright and understood?’

The four British men agreed, and with that Aaron came over with the cameramen ready to film. Them all taking different positions: three taking different angles on the band and the other one recording the beach and the rest of the place they were at.

“You guys ready? Cameras ready? … Action!”

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“You’re as bad in the barely cold as I remember.” Alex said, approaching Ella with a playful smile minutes into the break everyone had just decided to take.

An hour had gone by of them recording the band walking around the coast, making their way to the beach and then coming back up to the hiking trail. Up there the wind was strong and, even though the sun had already come up and she was wearing a jean jacket, she was still shivering slightly.

She chuckled and turned to him, hugging herself a little bit tighter, “So easy for you to say, Mr. England.”

He fully laughed this time, her smile getting bigger after the sound left his lips, “Fair enough, Ms. California.”

At that she looked at him, a slight smirk on her face and shook her head, “Ms. Tennessee actually.”

Pulling his cigarettes out of his pocket, Alex nodded, “Doesn’t it snow there though?” He genuinely asked, putting a cigarette between his lips and offered the pack up to her.

He was surprised when Ella took one out, of course he was going to offer one but he didn’t take her for a smoker. “It does, but after living in LA for almost two years, you get used to it being always sunny, warm and rainless.” As soon as she finished her sentence, she quickly put it between her lips, craving the warmth the nicotine would bring her.

Alex lit up both of their cigarettes, enjoying the way she looked when she slightly bent down towards the flame and looked up into his eyes, a faint hollow of her cheeks to take a long drag. Fucking hell, he cursed in his mind.

He took a drag himself while staring at her now very exposed throat from the way she was looking up to the sky and blowing the smoke upwards. She was so effortlessly stunning, completely enthralling.

Aware of the answer he was supposed to give to her statement, he cleared his throat and continued the conversation, “Two years huh? What was that change like?”

“Quite harsh I’d say but nothing ventured, nothing gained right?” Ella held her cigarette between her fingers, smiling at him, knowing damn well she was starting the thing she always does, that only leads up to oversharing to people she just met. Maybe this time she wouldn’t be met with an awkward smile and an apology from a girl wanting to leave the club’s bathroom.

“Right,” Alex matched her smile, “You look like you really like your job though, so I’d say the risk was worth it.”

“It really was,” She started sharing with a smile on her face, “Thinking back to all those first months I was homesick and wanted to go back home to my family…” She filled her lungs with smoke once more before continuing, “I just wish I could tell my past self, everything would get better eventually.”

He nodded, understanding perfectly the feeling of wanting to be back home more than anything else even while doing something to fulfill your dreams, “Homesickness is hard.” He agreed, “After the novelty of touring wore off, it was quite hard for me to leave.” A cloud of smoke made its way past his lips, “Time and having my mates with me helped the feeling pass.”

A low hum came from her, both of their smokes halfway done. She was lost in her head for a few seconds and then she lightly chuckled.

Alex let out a chuckle as well, face showing how intrigued he was in her thoughts, “What?” He tilted his head, smiling at her with a soft questioning frown.

Ella shook her head, “Nothing.” She replied but the little laugh that slipped out betrayed her and she felt the need to explain her amusement then, “It’s just I could picture you all cuddling and crying to each other in a tour bus, quite endearing I’d say.”

With his lips pressed and a slight raise of his eyebrows, he answered that with a vague “I will neither confirm nor deny that scenario.” and with that she exploded in laughter. The sound was so contagious he joined her, chuckling loudly himself.

“Oh God.” Ella said, taking a deep breath to recover from the laughter. She took a last drag of her cigarette, putting it out on the ground, “Thanks for that one, I really needed it.” She tilted her head looking at him with a sincere smile.

Alex turned to look at her and reciprocated the grin, “The laugh or the smoke?” He mimicked her and got rid of the cig too.

“Both.” She replied, her smile stuck on her face.

“You’re welcome.” He noted how he really liked the way her smile reached her eyes.

From afar they heard Jamie calling out the singer's name and instinctively they both turned to where the call came from, only Ella looked back ahead right after, blushing from being caught around Alex. It wasn’t a bad thing per se but she’d rather not be caught by several people talking to him when she was there to do her job and she knew that it would be seen as the opposite of her being professional.

“Excuse me.” Alex said quietly, starting to walk past her.

“It’s alright.” Ella assured shyly, barely audible since her words lost volume when he touched her arm when leaving. Not only just a touch, he had given her arm a little squeeze, as if promising he’d be back.

And she was selfishly hoping he would live up to his silent word because she was starting to really enjoy his company.

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Time hadn’t been on their side, neither the crew or the band.

When they resumed the filming, she was beside the directors watching the musicians pose and move around but after fifty more minutes they decided they had gotten enough footage at the place and to move onto the venue. There the model and costume design crew would be arriving in approximately an hour and a half, giving them enough time to pack, make the drive and settle down at the new place.

So without having a chance to speak again during the hike, Ella followed the crew and got back inside the van.

Ben went over to the left side of the van, and asked for them to open the window. Tyler was informed he had to film the guys drive back, taking advantage of how cool the vintage car would look in the video driving down the west coast highway.

She was beside Tyler the whole drive, watching how the takes were looking like—pretty fucking cool, she’d say if she was asked. With fifteen more minutes of footage, Tyler was given the confirmation that he could stop.

The rest of the drive was quiet and calm, she was glad she could find relaxation in the middle of an already long day.

After a forty five minute drive, they had parked in the first sublevel parking lot. Everyone carried something back up to the room they had been instructed they could use, which turned out to be a ten minute walk in a maze of hallways. She’d make sure not to leave without someone else beside her or else she knew she would get lost.

It took the whole crew about five minutes to settle around the room, and they still had time to rest before the model and other members of the crew arrived so they occupied the sofas and chairs that were there.

She decided to go to the bathroom and freshen up, taking some girls from the crew with her. When they came back, she recognized Alex and Matt talking outside a door all the way down the hall.

“Hey, Ella!” Alex greeted her, waving her over with his left hand, right hand holding a beer.

Blushing slightly, Ella looked at her coworkers telling them she was going over to him and they nodded as if to say it was fine by them.

For fucks sake, was all that went through her head. She was really afraid of people getting the idea that she’d broken the first and most important rule in a production company just from the way he’d called her over. But at the same time she couldn’t help but think maybe it was fine, maybe she was just overthinking it.

Putting some hair behind her ear she made her way to them, “Hey, how is it going?” She asked quite shyly from seeing the room the musicians had been in, full of people she’d never seen before.

“Do you want a beer?” This time Matt asked, holding up his half-empty bottle to show it to her, as if that would help her make her decision.

She thought about it for a hot second, then decided she could use one to relax for a bit, “Sure, thanks.”

Going into the room to get her a bottle, the drummer left Ella by the door standing opposite to Alex.

“Are you guys tired of us following you around with cameras yet?” Playfulness coated Ella’s features as she slightly leaned against the doorframe.

With the bottle stopping midway to his lips, Alex replied in the same playful manner, “I think we have another hour in ourselves before we reach that point.”

She chuckled at that, her eyes wondering over the amount of people inside the room, everyone chatting, sharing drinks and laughing with each other. She thought of how fun it would be to be part of this industry and go on tour, be surrounded by friends and have your job not really feel like one. After all, these people, who she could only think were part of the tour production crew, were drinking a few hours before the show. How she wished she could have a beer while checking emails, or maybe some mimosas.

After Alex swallowed the drink he had taken, he continued, “No but actually, we liked working with Aaron and Ben, that’s why we’re doing the rest of this record’s music videos with you lot.”

She couldn’t help her eyes going wide at that, Aaron and Ben never mentioning it to her, this news made her feel a lot and she couldn’t really point out what everything that she felt meant. So of course a curious “Oh really?” was what came from her.

Alex nodded, “Yeah, or did you really want us out of your hair?”

Ella laughed, shaking her head, “Of course not, shooting music videos is my favorite part of the job. It’s a plus that you’re all so lovely to work with.” He didn’t miss the way her cheeks slightly blushed, smirking at her words.

“Well I hope we are your favorites.” The singer used the bottle in his hands to point at her, giving her a quick wink.

She felt her cheeks burning up from that so she turned her gaze to the inside of the room for him not to see, “I’ll consider it when Matt comes back with that beer he promised me” She pushed herself off the doorframe, her back vaguely aching from resting there.

And as if summoned, the drummer made his way back to the two of them. “Sorry Nick distracted me for a second there.” He apologized and handed Ella a beer bottle.

“Thank you.” She felt the condensation dripping through her fingers as she clutched it.

Alex noticed her bottle still had the cap on and was about to offer to open it for her, when she used the ring on her middle finger to take it off in one swift movement. She put the cap in her back pocket to throw it away later and took a swig of the drink, cold going down her throat.

“Nice trick.” Matt complimented, fairly impressed as well.

Ella looked confused for a second until she realized what he meant, “Oh yeah, people love it when I do that.” She lightly laughed, “Not that impressive really, it’s easier than it looks.” She cleared her throat lightly and started conversation with Matt, “So Alex just told me you’re recording more videos with us…” Another swig of her beer was the cue for them to continue with the conversation.

“Ah that’d be true, yes. It would be the next date we are back here during this tour. August, I reckon.” He turned to Alex to make sure his timeline was correct, to which his best mate nodded.

Ella nodded, a smile forming on her face, “Oh that’s great, California is stunning in August. Are you going to keep the American vibes going for the rest of the videos?”

Helders turned to Alex again, realizing that what Ella had said was true, “We have been doing that, haven’t we?”

Alex nodded, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down after he took the last gulp of his beer, “I guess we’re embracing the fact that this one has an american west coast feeling to it, us recording it here must have played a part on it.”

She hummed against her bottle, hiding the fact that she was really looking forward to that new album, “Does it have a name yet?” curiosity got the best of her and she just couldn’t hold back from keeping that question inside.

“Suck it and See'', replied Matt, an amused expression on his face when he saw Ella frowning immediately after the words reached her ears.

She took a few seconds to find a meaning for it in her head, but never would she say out loud what the first thing that came to her mind was. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Her frown only loosened up a bit.

Matt chuckled at her reaction, “It’s kind of like ‘bite the bullet’, although… not really, it’s more like ‘take the risk’”.

Alex and Ella exchanged looks then, the ghost of their conversation back at the hiking trail passing through both their minds. So she smiled and he smiled back at her. She couldn’t believe how comfortable she could feel with a person she’d barely met but it made her feel warm inside and she really quite liked it.

With a tight lip smile she nodded, “Huh, I really like that. It’s a great name.” Her eyes went from Matt to Alex’s figure for a quick second.

“Thanks Ella.” Matt smiled at her, not missing her fleeting glance to the singer standing beside him. “So, what about you? How long have you been working with Ben and Aaron?”

She hesitated for a second before starting to talk, “A little bit over a year now, but I’ve been a PA for two years, I just worked in another company before.” Ella felt so weird talking about her normal slightly boring job to the critically acclaimed musicians, but they were looking at her waiting for her to continue so she cleared her throat and felt her cheeks start to burn.

“Guys I’m not that interesting, I check emails most of the time at work and oversee people filming commercials, I’d rather hear about your tour stories.” Alex chuckled at that, shaking his head, “C’mon, I know there’s some good stories.” She insisted, trying to get the conversation’s topic back to them.

Matt took advantage of the moment to embarrass his friend, “Well there’s always the time when this dickhead decided to have a smoke backstage right under a smoke detector, in a room we were not allowed to smoke. We almost got kicked out of the venue for it.”

Alex shook his head at the story, not even trying to defend himself because he knew he should’ve listened to the sign that said no smoking right at the entrance of the room.

Ella snorted, her hand flying to cover her mouth, “Oh my god Alex,” She said between chuckles, “Didn’t you see it?”

“Not really,” replied the singer with a slight grin on his face.

Matt was quick to counter attack his statement, “But he did see the massive no smoking sign outside the room”, his eyebrows raised.

Her eyes filled with humor looked at Alex and she shook her head, biting her lip to not laugh again but a smile creeping through, “You’re just full of bright ideas aren’t you?” Her rhetorical question was heavily sarcastic.

Alex shrugged then and smirked, “People would say so yeah”.

With the bottle resting on his lips, Matt chuckled, “Dickhead” and took a sip of his drink.

With his mind set on getting payback, Alex started, “Well, Ella I think you’d love to hear about the first time we went to a club in America and Matt went over to flirt with this bird who turned around and thought he worked there so she gave him her empty glass and asked him for another vodka cranberry.”

Ella burst out laughing, head thrown back as she did. Alex liked learning that this meant she was genuinely laughing, she seemed to always show what she felt very clearly through her body language.

“Oh no Matt,” her voice filled with humored sympathy and her hand over her heart.

The drummer shook his head, “That’s what I get for trying to dress nice I suppose.”

A big smirk tugged at the corner of her lips and she just needed to ask, “What were you wearing?”

Matt mumbled his answer, “Black trousers, a white button up and a black tie”, downing the rest of the beer he had left to avoid her glance.

Alex couldn’t help but laugh out loud remembering the moment once again and Ella did the same just imagining the situation in her head. Matt tried to keep his composure but ended up laughing with them.

“Oh nooooo,” She elongated her words trying to get some air back to her lungs, “Wait… what did you do afterwards?”

“I just nodded and turned around.” Another round of laughter came from Alex and Ella, “What was I supposed to do?!”

Alex turned to her and kept adding to the story, “He came back, put her glass down on our table and started taking his tie off.” the words struggling out of his mouth between giggles.

When Ella kept laughing Matt threw his arms up, trying to keep his argument strong, “Once again, what was I supposed to do?!”

The singer let his head hang as he continued laughing and then he took a deep breath, “I dunno mate but I’ll never let you forget that one.” He grinned with satisfaction at his best mate who looked only the slightest bit amused.

She was fanning her face, red now after so much laughter, “I’m sorry Matt but that’s so sad, it’s hilarious.”

Matt turned to look at her and gave her a fake smile, “I’m glad my misfortunes amuse you.”

The shaggy haired man turned to her then, “So, what do you have for us Ella?”

With confusion so clear on her face she looked at both guys who looked at her expectantly, “What do you mean?” Was she meant to bring them something? Did she forget about something in the list? Oh no, I should’ve had a little debrief with Ben or Aaron before leaving our room, she thought, starting to slightly panic.

Panic that was cut off by Alex saying, “It’s your turn to tell us a story.” like it was obvious.

She was relieved but only for a mere second before she started to stress again, “Oh no, you don’t really wanna know” She stated, hoping they would just suddenly change their minds and agree that indeed they didn’t want to know.

But to her dismay, they both nodded with big grins as if already holding back the laughter her story was going to bring.

An embarrassing enough story came to her mind, and she dreaded telling it but she knew they’d eat this one up so she wouldn’t have to tell her most embarrassing one.

“Ugh fine.” Ella sighed, “When I first started in Focus Creeps, I would always try to volunteer to help in anything I could, from helping the makeup department practice on me during my lunch break, get everyone lunch when they were all to busy to think about eating, and even drive a vintage car to a place thirty minutes from the office.” One of her hands was around her empty bottle, tapping her fingers on the glass and the other was waving around the air as she talked.

Well here goes nothing. “A vintage car…which of course was manual,” She paused for a few seconds, Matt and Alex already looking amused expecting just what she was going to continue to say, “And I don’t know how to drive stick.” Another sigh left her lips.

Matt saw her hesitating, “Okay, go on.” He chuckled when she rolled her eyes and sighed heavily.

“Okay, I’m just going to say that I didn't know what car it was. Ben just asked if someone could drive the rental to the studio we were filming at and I said I could.” She explained herself and her two person audience snickered at that. “Anyway, when we got outside and I saw the transmission, it was too late to back down. I just remember thinking, how hard can this be right?”

“Oh Ellie.” Alex managed between small giggles that were coming prematurely to the punchline since he could imagine how the story would end and she just shook her head remembering the embarrassment. Yet, her stomach fluttered at hearing her nickname come from him.

“Ben was going to be on calls, that’s why he asked for someone to drive in the first place, but that’s also the only reason why he didn’t notice me struggling to turn on the car and start driving into the road. When we hit our first red light, two minutes into the drive, I had started feeling confident.” Her hands following her story, then went to rub her forehead cringing at the next part, “But when the light changed, the car wouldn’t move and I didn’t know what to do. I kept stepping on the clutch and then the brake and I just tried everything and it wouldn’t move.” Her eyes were closed now and her cheeks red.

Alex and Matt were fully cackling now, just picturing her panic and it all being in front of one of her bosses.

She looked back at them, flustered but continued, “The car turned off at one point and people kept honking at me so Ben said ‘can I call you in a bit?’ to whoever he was talking to and then turned to me super confused and said ‘why don’t you go?’” A light chuckle came from her at the end of her sentence. “I gave up then, and I just told him ‘so… I don’t know how to drive stick’ but since the honking from everyone was so loud he didn’t hear me at first so I had to say it louder. We ended up having to switch sides and he basically talked me through what I was supposed to do.”

Matt shook his head with a pitiful look on his face, “Well, that was nice of him.”

“Yeah well, we didn’t talk about it for the next few days until one day he sent me an email with just a link to a YouTube video on how to drive a manual car.” Ella’s face was red now and the musicians were still laughing.

Alex couldn’t help but ask, “Alright but the million dollar question is, can you drive manual now?”

Covering her face, Ella shook her head, “As much as I did then.” Her voice was barely audible with her hands hiding her face.

And with that laughter filled the hallway, she uncovered her face and joined them, glad the story time was over and dealt with. She could see Alex’s eyes creasing in the corners, his teeth showing in a perfect smile. He’s so pretty, she thought.

Ella did a curtsy jokingly, “I hope that story satisfied you both.”

The men nodded, Matt smirking at her, “Oh very much, yes.”

“I hate you two.” She tried to sound serious but she just snorted immediately after seeing their faces that didn’t buy her statement one bit. She cleared her throat and tried to dismiss the fact that she had let that sound out again in front of them, “Well let’s forget about that… uhm, big show tonight?”

“We shall never forget that actually,“ Alex said first and foremost, ending in her rolling her eyes playfully, “And maybe? It should be a couple thousand I think.”

Her eyes went wide, “A couple thousand? And that’s ‘maybe’ a big show?” Ella made air signs to emphasize the maybe. “How big are you guys that a couple thousand isn’t a lot to you?”

Matt took over then and completely blew her mind, “Well, we’ve done Glastonbury four years ago, and that was about a hundred thousand people.”

In complete shock she had to ask, “Wait, you’re joking right?” And when they shook their heads she gasped, “A hundred thousand people?! That’s insane! How do you even manage to keep cool and play for that many people?”

Alex’s face lit up with pride and nostalgia, “It was insane, and we were definitely shitting ourselves but that was our biggest moment so we just took it as it went.”

She was so impressed and blown away, she had definitely underrated how big they were but they seemed so cool about it at the same time.

Just when Ella was about to ask a bit more about their experience her phone pinged on her back pocket and when she took it out, she saw a text from Diana.

Diana: Model’s here and getting ready, can you tell Aaron for me please?

Putting the phone back in its place, she looked at her new… friends? acquaintances? and sighed, “Thank you so much for that guys but duty calls. Sorry.”

“S’Alright” Alex gave her a tight lip smile and then timidly suggested, “You can always come back and hang out here when you’re done.” He scratched the back of his neck, avoiding Matt’s not at all subtle glance.

Ella blushed slightly, “Oh- uhm, sure, yes.” was all she managed to say back. She didn’t expect him or well, them, to want to spend even more time with her after this.

She was about to turn around when she looked down at the bottle on her hand, “Where is the tra-”

“I’ll get it for you, don’t worry.” Alex interrupted her, taking it from her hand.

“Oh thanks,” Ella cleared her throat and hoped to god her cheeks weren’t as bright as she was thinking they were from just feeling them burning up. She needed to get a grip and stop blushing like a schoolgirl around the man. “See you later.”

With that she turned and made her way to the door on the other side of the hallway. Her black pants were tight on her and Alex was quite hypnotized by the sight.

Matt followed the trail of his eyes and smirked, “Alexa would get on with her quite nicely, don’t you think?”

Alex turned quickly at the mention of his girlfriend and then rolled his eyes at his friend’s antics, “Piss off, Helders.”

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

It had been an hour since Ella left the musicians. She had gotten the message to her bosses and the whole crew had started getting everything ready for filming. Alongside Ben and Aaron she had gone to where Scarlett, the model, was getting ready and after fifteen minutes of the directors explaining what it was she had to do, they had gone back out to see which hallways and routes they were going to take for filming.

Clipboard on her hand, Ella kept writing stuff down that was going to be relayed to the editing team and minor things they should ask the band later to see if they needed reshoots or if the ideas were fine with them. After all, they still had tomorrow to film with them so there was time in case more footage was needed.

After almost twenty minutes they had finally started rolling. Scarlett strutting down the venue's backstage maze in her high heels and tight bodysuit. She’s an actual goddess, was all that went through Ella’s head since the model had come out of the dressing room.

The woman was so effortlessly seductive, flirting with the camera with just her eyes. She wished she had that confidence or even just that talent—because it surely had to be considered a talent to act like her.

The most flirty Ella could ever get was after a few shots of tequila and at least some thirty minutes on the dancefloor, a little liquid courage and the confidence that dancing brought her were her fuel to get with anyone on nights out. But of course most of the time it was hard: the guys mostly turned out to be assholes and the girls were so pretty, they intimidated her.

Needless to say she was feeling jealous, but in a good way, of how Scarlett made it seem so easy to be sexy and teasing—even more so considering how she was doing that to a camera, with a bunch of people behind as an audience. Wow.

She was entranced, the top of her pen resting between her slightly parted lips. Her eyes followed the model’s every move, so intently, that she didn’t notice a door opening a few feet behind the girl.

And out of it walked no one other than Alex Turner.

Scarlett, professional as ever, only turned for a second to see who had interrupted the shot and then went back to keeping her act going. Ella, trying to be professional, held back from doing more than tilting her chin up acknowledging his presence. Alex, definitely not professional, grinned at her and didn’t let his plan of spending more time with the PA be ruined by the fact that she was busy and wouldn’t take him up to going for a smoke with him outside.

So, seeing how the model turned to the camera and started playing with her hair, he mimicked the actions hoping it would make Ella laugh. Scarlett started to slide down the wall, playing with her hair; actions Alex mirrored and made everyone chuckle, even the model when she saw what he was doing in just the same enticing way. He was looking at Ella though, how she was covering her mouth but her grin was so obviously plastered on her face.

And as the hellcat kept going, he did too, with his eyes stuck on Ella and a big smirk playing on his lips. Even though that show only lasted for a minute, Ella couldn’t wash away the feeling of his burning gaze on her.

Ben had cut the scene, laughing at Alex’s actions. “Come here man, let me show you some shots we’ve got.” he waved the singer over, and obeying he walked up to the directors.

Walking past Ella he brushed his hand on her elbow and said a hey quite faintly. Warmth. That’s what she felt when he did those little things and she hated how she couldn’t fight it, very aware of how lame she was looking to herself and to anyone who noticed the way she blushed whenever he did or said something to her. Get a grip Ella, c’mon you can be professional.

For ten minutes Ben and Aaron had Alex slightly hunched over the camera’s monitor, pointing out the different angles and footage they had managed to take so far. They all laughed watching what he had just pulled a few minutes ago, Ella’s grin growing as she watched the footage from a few meters behind them.

“Does that look good?” Aaron asked him when the last clip came to a stop.

Nodding, Alex gave him the green light, “Yeah, it looks great mate.” He itched his chin and decided to share an idea he had come up with, “I was thinking maybe she could come side stage while we’re on, just having her dance along to some songs.”

Ben liked the idea, immediately agreeing with it, “Oh that would work very well in the video.”

Aaron then decided to joke around with him, “Have you considered being a director if the rockstar gig doesn't pay off?”

He laughed softly, stealing a quick glance at Ella who was grinning at him already. “Well I hadn't until now.”

After a wave of laughter from the crew, the directors ordered everyone to take a break. The filming would resume when the band was going on stage, meaning they had around forty to fifty minutes until then.

Before everyone could leave though, Alex made an invitation, “Ben, everyone is welcome to join us in our room. We have drinks and our tour crew is there as well so you can meet everyone and chat.”

Ben clapped the singer's shoulder, “Thanks dude, we’ll take you up on it. We can even record a little bit there, just you all hanging out backstage if that’s alright with the band and your crew.”

He gave the director a nod, “Of course, yeah. See you all there.” He turned around and left, not missing a chance to give Ella one final look, her eyes were on him and they shared a silent promise of seeing each other in a bit.

Of course it all was an excuse to chat with her again whilst they still had time. The band had already gone through soundcheck and the crew had set lighting and the stage up, so everything was ready for the show to start at its time and go smoothly.

He surely was getting tired of having to get filmed but he would bite his tongue for a little longer if it meant he could spend more time with the pretty girl. And yes, he had a girlfriend, but there was nothing wrong with being aware of another girl being pretty right? It’s not like he was going to kiss her or take her back to his hotel room, he was just going to share drinks and conversation with her. Friendly talk, just that.

Ten minutes later, they were being joined by the Focus Creeps crew. Introductions were thrown everywhere, especially from Ella who on her way to get a drink was making sure she had said hello to everyone.

Alex found that endearing but he couldn’t help growing impatient. He had been subtly looking around the room for her a handful of times now. Matt on the other side of the room noticed, and elbowed Jamie who was right beside him. The guitarist frowned at his friend, confused about the sudden aggression. The frown loosening when he saw him nod in Alex’s way, both of them watched him very obviously search for her and chuckled.

“He has been doing that all day, hasn’t he?” Jamie asked Matt.

Nodding, the drummer confirmed, “Yep. I’ve been giving him reminders of Alexa’s existence though, just so he doesn’t forget.” Both laughed into their red cups that were filled with beer.

After what felt much more than the five minutes she had taken, Alex saw her making her way to him. She beamed at him and he smirked at her, raising his cup to her.

She stopped right beside him, they were standing right in one of the corners of the room. “Well hello.”

“Hey Ella,” He greeted and took a sip of his bourbon, “What are you having?”

She showed him her cup, “Saw some red wine on the table and couldn’t resist.” Her faint smile breaking as she took a sip.

“You know… earlier you surprised me, I didn’t take you for a smoker.” He said, his eyebrows raised.

She frowned in curiosity, “Really?” He shrugged, nodding and she continued teasingly, “Well you’d be surprised with the things you could find out.”

He smirked at her flirting, “Like what? Got any secret talents?”

“Secret talent? You’ve got too much faith in me, I literally just told you I don’t even know how to drive stick.” Ella couldn’t help but cackle out loud.

It wasn’t only remembering the story that made him laugh, but how contagious her laughter was. His eyes were crinkled at the edges from his big grin, and she took a mental picture of it.

They continued to laugh, feeding off each other’s giggles and it was loud enough to catch the attention of a few people, including the rest of the band. Jamie pulled Matt with him and waved at Nick to join them on their quest to interrupt Alex’s interaction.

“Hey Ellie.” Matt greeted her as he threw his arm around her shoulders and hugged her to his side.

Ella blushed under the touch, not because of it making her feel something, but because she had been caught in a corner giggling and drinking with Alex. Of course the aforementioned didn’t know that was the reason behind her cheeks burning, so he was silently fuming at his friend's closeness with the girl, thinking she was blushing from their proximity. “Hi Matt.” She slightly leaned towards his side as a way to reciprocate his hug.

Alex needed a way to break the contact since it seemed Helders wasn’t thinking of getting his arm off of her, so he turned to his other two band mates.

“Ellie, this is Jamie and Nick.” He was relieved to see how she took a step forward to shake hands with the two of them, leaving Matt’s arm to fall back by his side.

She gave a shy smile and corrected the singer, “Ella, nice to meet you guys again.”

They reciprocated her grin and greeting, and she went back to standing in the middle of Alex and Matt. Their group now forming a small circle in the corner.

She was afraid of things becoming awkward now with everyone there but what Nick said next made her face drop. “Ella, you know, I can teach you how to drive manual. It isn't that hard.”

His offer was genuine, it was obvious from his facial expression but she turned to Alex and Matt with a look of betrayal, “I'm never telling you two anything ever again.” She took a swig of her drink as if that would make her embarrassment disappear.

All of them laughed, Matt being fast with his excuse. “Oh c'mon, it was too funny not to share.”

Alex immediately added, “We are kind people Ellie. Did you expect us to be selfish and keep that to ourselves?” She just rolled her eyes at their arguments, not annoyed but very embarrassed.

“I hate that I don’t even have anything to embarrass you back with, because they definitely already know the stories you told me.”

“Which ones?” Nick asked curious to know if they had told her something actually embarrassing.

She sighed, “The american girl who thought Matt worked at the club,” They all chuckle at the memory, Matt mumbling a quiet ‘for fucks sake’ at the mention of it, “and Alex smoking right under a smoke detector in a room he wasn’t allowed to smoke.”

“Oh yeah, the twat almost got us kicked out of the venue.” Jamie pointed at Alex accusingly.

He quickly talked back, “Jamie, do you wanna get thrown under the bus as well?” to which the guitarist shook his head frowning at him, thinking what on earth he could have on him. “Then shut up before I tell her about the ice cream shop bathroom.”

Jamie blushed then. “Don't you dare, Turner.” His threat seemed very serious which only made Ella more eager to find out.

She pouted at Alex, “No, I wanna hear it now.” She elongated the last word like it would get her some pity and they’d tell her but Jamie shook his head once more looking at Alex like he was going to knee him in the balls if he dared open his mouth. “It's only fair since you heard my nightmare of a story, without my permission may I add.” She pointed out.

Alex turned to Jamie and raised his eyebrows in support of her argument. Jamie let out a heavy sigh of defeat, “Fair enough, go ahead.”

Filled with satisfaction for winning the debate, Alex started talking, “So you see, we had just landed in London after a small tour around the States, and from the airport on the way home we went to an ice cream shop and sat down there to eat. Jamie here got some coconut ice cream, wasn’t it, Cook?” He teasingly asked his friend.

Jamie had an unamused face, he just rolled his eyes and replied, “Yes, it was.”

“Well after finishing… his ice cream,” The lads, except for Jamie, laughed at the way the singer had worded that and Ella was so confused. Alex just continued after a chuckle left his lips, “He went to the bathroom to wash his hands, he says, but he hadn’t noticed how he had spilled ice cream on himself, in a very particular area that didn’t make it look like just an accidental ice cream spill.”

The silence that Alex left by the end of it was long enough for her to connect the dots and cover her mouth with her right hand, hiding her hanging jaw behind it. “Jamie, no.” She said feeling the humiliation of the anecdote building up.

The singer resumed his narration, “Mind you, the ice cream was white so the stain was pretty much very realistic. He had also taken a while in the bathroom for some reason and when he came out he was sporting the biggest smile.”

“Oh my god, that’s mortifying.” Ella was shaking her head in disbelief.

Jamie took over then, “Well it got worse when someone recognized us and we took pictures with them. This dickhead here,” He pointed towards Matt, “Said ‘Did you have a special phone call with your girlfriend or summat? Couldn’t you wait until you got home?’ pointing to my crotch in front of the lad. The poor kid looked at me wide eyed, said thank you and left quickly. I was dead confused and then I saw it.”

“You took that long to realize?” She questioned the man.

“Yeah well, my mates are actually the worst so they didn't tell me.” He shrugged, face still very serious. Ella hoped he wasn’t mad.

Matt clapped his shoulder, “We’re the best of mates Jamie, what d’you mean?”

She saw how Jamie wasn’t the slightest bit amused so she turned the conversation into another direction. “Okay Nick, looks like it’s your turn.”

Poor Nick shook his head earnestly, “Oh no, Ella.”

“Please? You’re the only one left.” She insisted with the best puppy eyes she could make.

“Fine, but just because you didn't have a say in these two sharing yours.” He agreed and she stood straighter in excitement.

The bassist took some time to browse through his memories, “It probably has to be me losing my wallets all the time, so I gave up and never got a proper wallet again. And so conveniently in one interview, they asked us all to show what we had in our wallets and the only thing I had in my pockets was a mini harmonica.”

She was expecting something as bad as Jamie’s, “But that's not even embarrassing, that’s just cute and funny.”

Matt quickly cut in the exchange to play with her, “Ellie, are you flirting with O’Malley?”

She looked at the drummer and frowned, “No Matt, shut up, I’m just saying that’s cute and funny because it is!”

He kept going, nudging her hip with his. “Oh no, that sounds to me like you're definitely chatting him up.”

Ella couldn’t help the blush that reached her cheeks, making her roll her eyes and look at the ground for a few seconds.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding.”

“You’re annoying” she sighed, shaking her head.

“Yeah he is, but you get used to it.” Nick said to comfort her, his eyes friendly on her. He decided to bring the attention back to him so she wouldn’t feel overwhelmed by Matt’s teasing. “Wait– no. Actually, it’s probably that time I broke a huge ice sculpture at a posh event we went to.”

She gasped, “You’re joking…”

“I wish I was. It was so loud, it was impossible to just walk out and act like nothing had happened.”

She giggled then, “The cleaning people must've wanted to kill you.”

Nick’s eyes were big, remembering how distraught he was at the time. “Oh I'm sure they were. Everyone was giving me nasty looks for the rest of the night.”

Ella tried not to laugh, feeling bad for Nick who seemed to be the nicest guy she’d ever met. “I’m sorry but that’s so embarrassing.” She broke in a fit of giggles then, unable to hold it any longer.

They all started laughing with her, Nick smiling brightly at her. “It really was.” He added, feeling glad she enjoyed the brief story.

After that, it was clear she had grown more comfortable around the musicians, the conversation flowed with ease and laughter could be heard from their group every so often. They would take turns to bring everyone refills, Matt bringing the whole bottle of red wine to her at one point, telling her she should just take it seeing how fast she was going through her cups.

She refilled her cup three times in the span of fifteen minutes, the drummer teasing her about it some more. He took the cup from her hand after she finished with her third serving and started a game of building a pyramid of red cups with every cup she’d finish. Of course, everyone joined and started lining up their cups as well making it a game that now involved everyone in the room.

Tyler had started recording a few minutes ago, catching the fast growth of the stack of plastic on the table. One that ended up being punched and destroyed by its same creator.

It was a lovely time, she was enjoying herself in their presence. But, as time does when you’re having a good time, soon the crew started to scramble out of the room, and five minutes later the band was being called over to head to the stage.

She was suddenly feeling the generous amount of red she had drunk, so a slightly slurred “Break a leg guys!” was what she said before they parted ways.

“Thanks Ellie!” They all said to her. Alex left last, giving her wrist a little squeeze and a soft smile before following his best mates’ path.

She took advantage of the minutes she had while everyone from her crew went to get their stuff, to start drinking water and sobering up. A trip to the bathroom also helped her get her act together.

Twenty minutes later, they had started filming once more. Now the model was making her way from backstage to the side of the stage where the Monkeys were performing. In the background Ella could hear the quick start of ‘Pretty Visitors’, and as they went up the stairs, they felt the vibrations of the bass on their chests.

Scarlett was swiftly moving her hips, twirling on her place and looking back at the camera with those eyes of hers. They took various shots of it, and as that was done she recognized in an instant the starting chords of ‘Teddy Picker’.

She subtly scooted closer to the stage, a few feet away from the production. She looked over the band, seeing how Alex had his guitar clutched in his hands, the way his hips moved as his lips grazed the microphone with every word he sang.

The lyrics of the song came out of her naturally, she kept her voice low, to not get the attention of her bosses—not that they could hear her easily because of the crowd being so loud but she wanted to be careful still.

The filming took quite some time, Ben saying something about wanting to have the model dancing to different rhythms so that later the editing team would choose the clips that better matched the song the video was about.

When the encore came, the band came over and said a quick hello to everyone before going downstairs into the backstage area. She assumed they were gonna take this time to use the restrooms. A few minutes later, she confirmed her theory was correct and as they came back to the side of the stage, Alex approached the directors.

“We’re going to do the song now. Sorry about the late notice, we just decided it.” His voice sounded apologetic.

Aaron was quick to settle him, “It’s alright, it actually will be even better for the music video. I’m gonna send a camera to film the crowd and another one to film you from below, if that’s alright with you?”

“Sure mate, that sounds good.” Alex replied quickly before nodding and leaving to go back on stage with the rest of the guys.

Just like that, they were back on. Screams were drowning the venue, and they only got louder when Alex told them they were going to perform a new one from the album.

With one camera on them, another one on the crowd and the other two back with the directors, they went back to filming Scarlett swaying her hips to the music once more. Ella tried her best to keep some focus on her job but she was entranced by the performance and the way the band caught their audience with such ease.

The song came to an end, the people hollering was all that could be heard for a good twenty seconds. Aaron and Ben decided to wrap up the section of the video, meaning Scarlett was good to go, so Ella went over to her to thank her and send her back with Diana and the rest of the costume and makeup department.

When she was done with that, Ben sent her over to the cameramen that were in front of the stage still recording. “Make sure they record until the concert is done, stay with them. It shouldn’t be that long until then.” She just nodded, quickly following the instructions but her speed was mostly motivated by the fact that she could at least see the last of the show.

As she got to the front of the right side of the crowd, she could hear Alex singing the first verse of ‘The View From the Afternoon’. She looked up at him, smiling and singing back the lines to him. He found her and grinned, his gaze going back to his fingers on his guitar and back to her in a matter of seconds. He almost pointed at her, but realized how that would look and he didn’t want any bullshit being talked about him in the press.

He was enjoying the fact that she knew the song and so confidently was singing along with the crowd. Alex became more surprised when she also knew ‘Fluorescent Adolescent’, their last song, but he certainly would forever keep the image of her swaying hips to the song in his mind.

Once the show finished, she went over to the two cameramen and walked back into the backstage zone with them on her side. They spent the short trip back to their room talking about how crazy that was, how many people were there and how good the band was.

In the room, the crew gathered everything and some people started going over to their van with their equipment in hand. The directors and Ella went over to the band’s room to say goodbye.

“Guys, it was a pleasure seeing you today.” Ben said, shaking hands and clapping shoulders with the British men.

“We’ll see you tomorrow. Final day!” Continued Aaron, with far more energy than one would have after such a long day of work.

The bandmates said goodbye to both and then it was Ella’s turn to bid farewell. “Thank you so much for today guys. We had the best time.” She said as she went hugging each member.

They hugged her back, reciprocating her words. When she reached Alex, who was the last to embrace her, he said, “I’ll walk back with you.”

She let go and nodded, “Okay.”

He followed her as she made her way to retrieve her things and some equipment that was left, helping her with a case filled with camera chargers.

They were silent as they made their way through the hallway maze, only when they came out to the parking lot did Ella speak up, her voice glazed with nervousness. “I guess I'll see you tomorrow then?”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow Ellie.” Alex gave her one last hug and she got the case from his hands.

He watched her as she walked over to the van and before she got in, she gave him a little wave and a shy smile to which he responded with a toothy grin.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

Just like last time, the crew made the drive to the studio. Traffic had come down by the time they left the office so the trip was smooth and pretty calm.

The van’s atmosphere contrasted the nerves she was feeling, making her skin feel goosebumps when thinking of the day ahead.

She was glad the guys had taken her into the group so easily, making her comfortable and building enough trust to joke around with each other. What made her uneasy though was someone’s comment the night before: just before leaving the office, someone from costume design had teased her about how close she seemed with the band, and even though she knew they hadn’t meant it in a bad way, her stomach was in a knot and she couldn’t do much but shrug and brush it off.

“We were just chatting, they’re very nice.” Was what she said before saying goodbye to everyone and quickly making her way to her car.

That night she had taken longer doing her skin care routine, getting distracted by her thoughts and staring into her reflection for far longer than she realized.

Ella came back to reality when they parked outside the building, seeing the four guys sharing conversation while Jamie and Alex smoked.

Today the crew was smaller, only two cameras were going to be used and it was just four more people coming along the directors and Ella. The small group came out in little time, the band ending their chat in order to greet them.

“Ben, Aaron.” Alex said acknowledging the directors coming towards him, shaking their hands once they reached him. “Good morning everyone.” He waved at the rest of the crew behind the men.

A chorus of ‘good morning’ and ‘hello’ was heard then. Ella showed a shy grin which ended up in a full smile when the rest of the band looked at her and smiled at her presence.

“So, today’s a walk around Hollywood type of shoot right?” Ben asked Aaron for confirmation, Ella checking her clipboard and nodding at the same time as the director. “Well then, I think we could walk around these blocks, just catching you in the streets walking and we’ll see where the day takes us.”

The band nodded, somewhat tired of being recorded doing the most random things but what could they do. It was what came with the job. Their dream job.

And so they started making their way around the streets of Hollywood, California.

The sun hit them heavenly. Alex was wearing the leather jacket she had seen he had perched on the night before, with his usual sunglasses he had worn since they first met. Matt was also wearing sunglasses, while Jamie and Nick were facing the sunshine without any eyewear.

Their outfits were so simple but they wore them in such a way that just made them all look incredibly handsome. Anyone that laid eyes on them would be stuck in a trance for minutes just watching them do something as simple as cross the street.

Just like Ella was, completely and utterly enraptured by their presence. She tripped on a crack in the pavement and that was what brought her back to reality. She went red and only hoped no one had noticed.

Fifteen minutes they had been walking down Hollywood Boulevard, when Matt pointed excitedly at a building just a couple feet away from them. Arcade read the sign, in massive white letters. “Let’s go there, I’m sure we can film inside.”

Jamie sighed, just wanting to be done with the music video and rest. “Do we have to?”

Matt insisted, “C’mon mate, it’ll be fun.” Ella found it funny how much he sounded like a child trying to convince his parents to take him somewhere.

Ben then aided the drummer’s argument, “We can get the rest of the footage there while you all play, and we can have lunch as well.”

His suggestion had Nick and Alex shrugging, Matt nodded frantically and Jamie just closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Sure, let’s go.” Finally replied the guitarist, making Matt walk a bit faster, now leading the whole group into the establishment.

They found a table beside the bar where they settled down, placing a bunch of equipment on top of the table. The guys were quick to order beer bottles for each other, convincing the production team to order some drinks as well to cool down.

Their beverages arrived not that long after, the band only taking a couple sips before deciding to stand up and go over to the game machines.

Matt patted Ben on the shoulder, “Mate we’re gonna go off to play, that alright?”

“Yes, of course, don’t worry about us.” Ben assured them but giving it a second thought, he continued, “Actually,” he turned to his left side, reaching over a camcorder placed on top of the table and then directed his words towards Ella who was sitting in front of him, “Why don’t you go with them and record them playing? You know your way around working with cameras so it shouldn’t be a problem. Plus you seem to get on with them quite well.” He placed the device on her hands which she had hesitantly put forward.

Fuck! Ella yelled in her mind. To her this could only mean one thing: Ben had noticed how close she had gotten to the musicians and if he had then Aaron had noticed as well. Her freak out lasted a few seconds before she saw things in a new light since she realized her boss hadn’t made a big deal out of it or signaled it becoming an issue that got her in trouble at work. He had noticed, she guessed, but he hadn’t said a thing and maybe that meant it was alright. And if that was alright with the heads of the production company, then it should be alright with her.

Her internal debate felt like it went on for minutes but it had only been the longest five seconds she’d ever experienced. “Oh– sure, yes.” She stood up, taking the camera in one hand and her beer bottle on the other.

Matt nodded at her and started walking towards the guys who were waiting for him a few feet away from the table.

“Ellie! Are you joining us?” Asked Nick, glad to see her hanging out with them again. He found her a nice girl and very fun company.

She lifted the camera up, “It’s my job to torment you all now.” A smirk on her face to tease them, she could clearly see how bad they wanted the filming process to be over.

“Good that you’re getting this all on tape ‘cause yous are getting smoked today.” Matt cheekily said, claiming victory early.

She raised one of her eyebrows, “You think too highly of yourself, Helders.”

The drummer was quick to deny her statement, “No, I’m just aware of my skills.”

“I’d say your ego is going to be your worst enemy today, actually.” She taunted him.

He huffed trying to prove his point, and walked to the first machine that caught his attention, “Okay then, we shall start with this one.” He made his way to the boxing machine.

Nick grabbed Matt’s bottle from his hand so he could punch the bag, and said, “Ten quid Ella beats Helders on this one.”

“Thanks for the faith Nick.” Ella winked at him jokingly and Alex caught her expression, and whilst he found her even more attractive when she did it, he was the littlest bit disappointed it hadn’t been directed to him.

As if he was in the middle of a boxing match, Matt was on guard and moving his feet imitating a boxer’s moves. The camcorder in her hands was rolling, capturing the moment. “Ready?!” his question flying in the air a second before throwing a right hook to the tiny bag.

The red numbers automatically went up all the way until they hit 857. Matt turned around with a massive grin on his face, “Your turn now, Ellie.” He made a gesture for her to approach the game.

She turned to Alex and handed him her bottle, “Hold this for me please,” handing Jamie the camera right after. She made her way to the machine, and jumped a little on her spot letting her arms loose for a little to relax before getting on guard.

“Let’s go Ellie!” loudly cheered Nick, Jamie to his left had the camera in hand focused on her.

With that encouragement she threw a punch to the bag, the numbers climbing fast and reaching the 840s. They were all looking intently as they kept going up making it to 850, going up one more before it stopped.

Matt hollered loudly and anyone could think he had won the lottery not an arcade game against a friend—but hey, that’s men with their pride when it comes to games. He proceeded to take his beer from Nick's hand and down what he had left in celebration.

She clapped her hands, “Well done, Helders.”

“Glad to see you aren’t a sore loser, Ella.” he replied, throwing his arm around her shoulders.

She gave into his action, appreciating the friendly contact and leaning into him as they walked. “I would love to say the same about you but I have the feeling that would be a lie.” she teased, elbowing him on the ribs softly.

Alex walked up to Ella and gave her her drink back, hoping she would take it and leave Matt’s side. His best friend was getting more comfortable around the girl than he’d like to see, and for once Matt had the advantage of actually being single to do anything he’d like.

Fucking hell.

To his relief, Ella grabbed her glass back after giving him a small thank you and then walked to Jamie to retrieve the recording device.

Nick started walking ahead for a few seconds before he stopped and turned to the PA. “How about we race with our favorite driver?” He joked and everyone laughed, even her.

She faked hurt, a hand over her heart, “And here you were becoming my favorite.” She sniffled to seem more dramatic but chuckled right after.

Jamie and Matt went first against each other, leaving their glasses on top of the machines. Curses and insults were thrown all throughout the course of the race, making the laughter of the group loud and continuous. Ella hoped the footage wasn’t too shaky and it could be used in the video.

Just as the last lap was coming to its end, Jamie threw Matt off the road and won the race. The drummer went back on the road to finish the course, and once that was done, he shoved his friend, “You cheating bastard!” Jamie just kept laughing, getting off the seat.

Matt rolled his eyes, completely annoyed, and then said, “Right. Al, Ella, your turn now.”

Alex took a seat on the machine to the right, “Thank God this one isn’t manual right Ellie?” He teased, turning to see her with a smirk on his face.

The three other guys laughed hard at the comment and she looked at him fake offended, “Ha-ha, so funny Alex.” Ella rolled her eyes and turned back to the screen, a couple clicks later their race started.

Silence overcame the group as they watched how Ella had left Alex behind and got a good advantage, which he never at one point managed to overcome.

Nick chuckled into his bottle, “Fucking hell, Alex you do know winning means being first not fifth, right?”

“Shut up.” The singer muttered before going back into silence to focus on the game.

Not even a minute later she had won first place by far, turning to Alex with an amused face, taking a sip of her drink and then faking a yawn to tease him. He turned to her when she made the noise, crossing the finish line at the same time.

“Damn, finally. You were taking your sweet time.” She got up and left him there, sat and humbled.

The guys were doing the worst job at trying to stop their laughter from leaving their chests, it only took Alex taking a glance from Ella to the game’s screen and back for them all to explode.

She waved at them, walking away, “Let’s go before he starts crying.” The lads quickly joined her as she continued walking into the arcade.

Alex caught up with them, coming to walk beside her. “If you had raced Matt, he would’ve definitely cried.”

The mentioned turned around quickly to refute the statement his friend had made, “If she had raced me, she would’ve lost.”

“Sure, whatever you say mate.” Alex replied and then turned to Ella. They looked into each other's eyes and shared a good quiet laugh.

The group kept walking further into the place, stumbling into the basketball hoops. Matt, of course, stopped there and turned to challenge Ella once more.

“How about this one Ellie? You against me.” The brit proposed very confidently.

She only shrugged downplaying her excitement, “Sure, why not?” She gave Alex the camera this time and placed her almost empty bottle on the table behind them.

Matt stood in front of the machine on the right, “Ready to lose Ella?”

She cackled, cracking her knuckles, “You’d be surprised.”

Nick felt like something was going to happen so he said, “Again, ten quid Ella beats Matt.” and Alex accepted the bet, recording his hand shake with the bassist. Ella glared at him and shook her head.

Matt scoffed at his friends, “Mate you’re gonna lose all your money if you keep placing shit bets.”

Ignoring Matt’s comment, she turned around and said, “I won't let you down Nick, I promise.”

With that promise, they started the game. Ella wasn’t missing any hoops and when Matt realized he just yelled, “What the actual fuck?!”

Ella laughed and kept going, the time running out and when it briefly buzzed as they only had twenty seconds left, she felt the drummer leave his place to start blocking her shots. “Matthew! Move!” She said loudly in between laughs, trying to make more points but she could only manage three more as the man in front of her wouldn’t let her.

The buzzer loudly went off and the points on the board showed how poorly Matt had performed.

He turned shocked to look at her, “Did you even miss one?!”

She threw her hair over her shoulder, smiling proudly. “Of course not, I was the best shot at my middle and high school team, that would’ve been an insult to my younger self.”

The loser crossed his arms, “That's cheating then, you’re basically a professional.”

A loud cackle left her and shaking her head, Ella walked over to his side. “Oh c’mon Helders, you aren’t pulling excuses now, are you?” She nudged him with her hip and he smiled down at her playfully.

He shrugged, pressing his lips together to try and not smile at her teasing, “I'm just saying it's an unfair advantage.”

“Sure, sure.” She rolled her eyes before they both started laughing, Nick and Jamie joining.

Alex was still holding the camera in his hand, but looking at the floor, silently fuming at how close Matt and Ella looked. Growing jealous over how much she smiled from their banter or how she seemed to make contact with him out of her own will.

He of course knew he had no right to be jealous, he was in a relationship and they were barely even friends, but he couldn’t not feel unsettled by it. There was no denying he found her attractive, and if he was single maybe he would’ve tried to chat her up but he wasn’t, so he had to bite his tongue and deal with it. Well, put it away, more like.

Ella went towards Alex and got the camcorder from him, “Thanks Al.” She said and gave him a tight lip smile.

He was confused as to why she seemed easily flirty with Matt or Nick but not with him. And maybe she didn’t even notice that she was doing it but he thought maybe that meant she didn’t even see him that way. Yet all she did around him was go shy and blush and that was enough to confuse him.

What he didn’t know—because how could he know if he had just met her once before—, was that she could never flirt when she wanted to with whom she wanted to. Yes, she could seem flirty with Nick and Matt but she actually wanted to flirt with Alex, because she found him very attractive and there was something about him that just drew her in, but she couldn’t do it for the life of her. She just blushed and was a mess with words, she didn’t know what she should say to impress him or keep him in conversation, enough for him to be the slightest interested in her.

They didn’t know better. She was hoping with time, she could learn to read him and he was wishing for the same thing, not wanting to really let the pretty girl be a thing of the past anytime soon.

As they made their way back to the table they passed a Street Fighter machine and they all took turns going against each other. Alex and Matt went three times to settle a tie—which Alex ended up winning and Matt whining about.

When Jamie dared Ella to play, she accepted but had absolutely no clue what to do. The game started and she just kept pressing buttons randomly, moving the joystick everywhere. The group was a mess of laughter and she was obviously losing in the most pathetic way but she was enjoying herself so she didn’t mind making herself look like an idiot.

Jamie was laughing harder than she had ever heard him do, “You’re wank at this!”

“I know.” Ella managed between chuckles, her eyes watering and her stomach hurting from the laughter.

Once she lost, and they all caught their breaths again, they made their way back to where the crew was sitting.

The group settled around in the empty seats, Ella giving the camera back to the directors, who thanked her. Menus were now on the table, so they got tempted into ordering some lunch at the place.

Twenty minutes of chatter later, with their hot plates now in front of them, they all shared the appetizers.

In the middle of the conversation, Nick turned to the directors and Ella who was sitting beside them. “You should all come around the show later tonight.”

Ben swallowed his food and gave him a sad smile, “We would love to but we have a call to do and things to arrange for next week's projects.” He explained pointing to himself and Aaron.

Jamie turned to her then, “What about you Ella?” and Alex telepathically thanked his friend, because he had been wanting to ask her about it for almost an hour.

Covering her mouth with her hand as she swallowed, she nodded. “I’m free tonight so sure I’ll be there.”

“Great, it starts at 8 but come over earlier so you can hang out before we go on.” The guitarist told her with a soft smile.

She nodded, excitement bubbling up in her belly, and she tried not to let it shine through her face as the conversation around the table continued.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

She tried, she really tried getting there in time but traffic had ruined her plans. Despite leaving her house at six, she had only gotten to the venue a little over twenty minutes before the show was set to start.

Finding a parking spot had been a nightmare, and getting into the venue had given her a slight headache. That’s why she made her way through the now familiar venue, with a lit cigarette between her fingers—checking of course if there were any signs that prohibited it before going in.

When she reached the hallway their room was at, she could hear the chatter bouncing on the walls.

She took a long drag of her cigarette and reached the door, letting the smoke out of her lungs through the side of her mouth before saying, “Hi everyone.” Her tone was weaker than usual because she was there all alone, and not for work. She was there as a friend, or that’s what she’d like to consider herself to them now.

“Ella!” shouted Nick, throwing his hands up in the air.

She stepped into the room, waving at the people around, hugging the band members one by one—Jamie leaving for a quick few seconds to get her a cup of wine.

The guitarist gave her the red plastic cup, now half filled with liquid, “We don’t have red today but I hope you like rosé.”

She nodded, “I do, thanks Jamie.”

Alex tested his theories then, pulling Matt’s trick. “I almost thought you weren’t coming.” His leather clad arm came around her shoulders and pulled her into his side.

Ella took a gulp of her drink, hiding her burning cheeks and wide eyes behind the cup. “Oh yeah, uhm, sorry.” She cleared her throat before explaining, “I got stuck in traffic and getting a parking space was a nightmare, there’s still so many people outside.”

Nick looked at Alex, frowning slightly as if to demand an explanation for his behavior. The singer noticed his mate’s glare but decided to clearly ignore him, his arm still around Ella and not planning to move anytime soon.

But it seemed like tonight it wouldn’t be his friends reminding him of his girlfriend that cut his time short with Ella, a few beats of time later, people started scurrying out of the room and to the stairs that led to the stage.

“Let’s go lads, you’re on in ten.” yelled someone from outside the room, their steps echoing as they left.

Alex sighed and took his arm off her, “You can watch us from the side stage if you don’t want to get in the crowd.” His suggestion came accompanied by a soft smile.

She nodded, still dazed by his long contact with her. “Yeah, I’ll be there in a few.”

They started to leave the room, drinks in hand. “Enjoy the show!” said Nick before making his way through the doorway and out of her sight.

Ella downed the rest of her wine, being cheeky and pouring herself another glass before going to the bathroom to calm down. Her burnt out cigarette being tossed into the trash.

Her reflection stared back at her flushed. The kind of flushed that she couldn’t get from just a single serving of alcohol. Ugh, Ella snap out of it! She said to herself, annoyed at how easy it was for him to get a reaction out of her. Her face only grew redder thinking about how the other guys must’ve definitely also noticed it.

Opening the tab, she let the cold water wet her hands and then patted them on her cheeks, hoping it would bring down the color on her face. She shook her hands in the air when she noticed there weren't any paper towels in the dispenser. With a deep breath and a final look at herself in the mirror, she grabbed her cup and left.

The side of the stage was a place she knew she’d love to spend her time permanently on, even though she was afraid of tripping with the amount of wires and tape that were on the floor and the speakers bursting her eardrums. She loved it.

She was dancing and singing to every song, going harder to ‘Teddy Picker’, which Alex and Jamie noticed. Jamie stepped backwards and danced with her while playing the chords swiftly.

And as the gig went by, Alex kept stealing glances over to the side at her and how she knew every line to every song. Was she a fan before we met? He was impressed by how good she had been at keeping her cool when they met her then, if that was the case. He would look for answers after they were done.

When they reached the encore and the lads got off stage, Ella went over to them, “You guys are amazing! Holy shit!”

Matt chuckled, “Thanks.” he said out of breath before chugging down a new beer bottle.

“I’m gonna go down to the side when you guys get back on. I wanna see this madness up close.” She was excited, the crowd was amazing and she wanted to be a part of it.

Alex nodded, “Just be careful with the stairs over there.”

She smiled at him and turned to make her way to the side of the crowd, in front of the barrier. Everyone was chanting for them to come back and give them another song, herself joining to the demands.

The four of them came back on stage waving, and the screams were deafening. How can they even scream that loud? Her throat was hurting just from hearing them.

“Alright Los Angeles, we’ve got three more for you. Are you ready?” Alex asked into the microphone, brushing his hair back with his right hand, the left one holding the neck of his guitar.

The crowd didn’t miss the opportunity to rip their vocal chords once more and they started playing ‘The Hellcat Spangled Shalalala’.

There was no doubt every scream that filled the room was excused, Alex’s presence was immaculate with the stage light hitting him just right. And when he looked at her and sang ‘Makes me wanna blow the candles out, just to see if you glow in the dark’, she swore she melted. He had winked at her right after, a big smile breaking on her face and she joined the chorus singing ‘Shalala’s.

Ella’s trance was broken by an arm behind her tapping her shoulder, she looked behind her and saw someone waving a big piece of paper folded to her, signaling for her to throw it on stage. She grabbed it and did her best to throw it at Alex who was currently singing. Lucky for her and the owner of the sign, he noticed and crouched down to get it.

He unfolded it and laughed into the mic, turning it around and holding it over his head for the crowd to see, while he kept singing the verses.

Helders = God

She burst out laughing, the crowd screaming at the words on the paper. He put it down after a few seconds and, when the song was over, turned to show it to his bandmates. Matt loved the praise, so he laughed into his mic and said “Cheers”.

The setlist was the same, as she realized the last two songs were just like the ones she had managed to see the night before. She enjoyed them, nevertheless, absorbing the energy from the room and dreading the fact that the concert was approaching its end.

Alex said goodbye to the crowd when ‘Fluorescent Adolescent’ was done, thanking them for coming tonight. Matt threw his sticks to the crowd, for which Ella definitely saw people fighting over. Nick and Jamie waving goodbye after setting their instruments in their stands.

She made her way back into the backstage area with a giant grin and still feeling the bass vibrating on her chest. “If that was that crazy, I can’t even begin to imagine how Glastonbury was.”

They were all sweaty—Matt having gone straight to their greenroom to take a shower—standing in the middle of the hallway waiting for her to catch up to go to their room.

“Glastonbury was mad, but tonight was pretty good.” Jamie said before lighting up a cigarette.

Alex took his chance then to interrogate her, “So Ellie, I couldn’t help but notice how you knew all the lyrics to the songs…”

Ella rolled her eyes at him, blushing slightly but this time because she had been caught. “Well, after filming ‘Brick by Brick’ I started listening to your music. You aren’t that bad, I guess.” She smirked and shrugged, downplaying it.

He shook his head, puffing his chest out to say, “We are very far from bad, actually.”

She nodded and then sarcastically added, “And from humble too.”

Nick and Jamie laughed at the witty remark, Alex sticking to shaking his head and looking down to hide his grin.

“Smart-arse.” The singer said after picking his head up.

When they got back into the room, she went over to the trash to throw away her cup. Looking at the time on her phone and she found herself sad knowing she had to leave soon, she turned to them with a pout on her face, “Pains me to say this, but I gotta get going.”

“Awh, Ellie.” Nick pouted as well and went over to hug her.

She hugged him back, “Sorry guys, but I hope to see you soon.” She patted Nicks back twice before turning over to Jamie who had his arms out waiting for her embrace. “Thank you for having me tonight.”

“It’s no problem, we really appreciate you coming.” Jamie replied while rubbing circles on her back.

She started to walk over to Alex who was still standing near the door to hug him goodbye but he was quick to say, “I’ll walk you to your car.”

She waved her hand dismissing his idea, he didn’t have to go out of his way to do that, “No, don’t worry–”

But he insisted, “Yes, c’mon. I’ll go with you.” to which she gave him a playful roll of her eyes and a smile.

“Alright then.” She turned to wave back at the boys again, “Say bye to Matt for me?”

Both of them nodded and waved back at her, watching her and Alex disappear through the door.

Alex and Ella were walking in silence for a few seconds, their shoes thumping against the floor but she broke it very soon after she found herself thinking back to the gig and the songs she was growing obsessed with, “I’m actually really excited for Suck it and See.” She put some hair behind her ear, looking at him.

“Do you wanna get a copy and some merch?” He asked suddenly, she got confused at the offer.

Frowning all she could mutter was, “Huh?”

He just laughed at her reaction, “I can get you on the PR list so you can get it delivered when it comes out.”

Ella’s eyes lit up, an excited grin breaking on her face, “Oh my God, would you really?”

“Of course, it’s really no big deal. We’re mates now, gotta get the mates perks right?” Alex said, pulling his cigarette pack from his pocket.

“Oh I would love that, thank you.” she nodded as she accepted. Mates, that’s what we were, mates, and she was fine with it.

He lit up the stick between his lips and blew some smoke out, “It’s no problem, really.”

She kind of wished the walk could’ve been longer, but they reached her car faster than she expected. It was time to say goodbye and she didn’t really know how to act. She wasn’t going to see him until the next music video which still had no proper date, just an approximation of it being in August—two months from then.

“Well,” Ella started, fumbling with the keys in her hands, “Until the next music video I guess?”

Alex nodded, taking the cigarette out of his lips to talk, “Until the next music video.”

She unlocked her car, opening the door slightly and turned before getting inside to give him a brief hug, “See you soon then, Al.”

Her scent engulfed him as soon as she opened her car and even more when she wrapped her arms around him. He reciprocated the embrace and the contact was making him get stuck on his thoughts, taking a good five seconds before replying, “See you soon Ellie.”

She smiled as she let go of him, getting inside her car and closing the door. She ignited the engine of her car and started backing up, waving at him before changing gears and stepping on the gas, leaving him behind, with half a cigarette left to smoke and somehow her perfume overpowering the burning tobacco.

He was sure he would think of her for far longer than acceptable, and he would be counting down the days until the next music video was set to be done.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

A/N: What did you think about this one then? I hope you liked seeing their dynamics grow, they are all so much fun to write! From now on chapters are coming every other week, so part 3 will be posted on the 24th! This is just so we can have plenty of Constant Repeat to last us a while and I can finish the series without rushing it, hope you understand x Thank you so much for reading again, I truly appreciate it. See you soon!!!!!

Taglist:  @imagine-that-100​ @red---moon​ @kennedy-brooke​ @faveficz​ @indierockgirrl​ @ladydraculasthings @moonvr​ @unwantedlovergirl​ @eaglestar31

[yoonpobs]

bad boy good thing vii.

pairing: jeon jungkook x oc

genre: angst, smut, fluff, miscommunication (we hate her lol), pining

warnings: smut, jungkook is really an asshole, the angst hurts a lot tbh, unhealthy relationships (?)

words: 4, 627

summary: a series of drabbles where you're confused and jungkook's confusing

Despite being friends with three (well, now four) people on the football team—you didn’t fancy attending football games at all. It was highly unlike the usual scene you were comfortable with. It was loud, rowdy and people didn’t understand the concept of personal space when they’d shove and push others aside just to get a better glimpse of the players on the field.

Yet, you attended every single one of the football games—and you were a familiar enough face that the coach smiles at you when you hover outside the changing rooms; a simple request from the captain himself.

You’re a little shocked at yourself at the fact that you had no idea who Namjoon was prior to his introduction. He was the captain of the current football team, which apparently, throughout your college’s history—brought the most wins ever. And, he was also well-known that lecturers applauded him for his impeccable work-to-life balance.

Somehow, the divulgence of your own thoughts makes you frown. Because perhaps you were truly anti-social. You weren’t even acquainted with common school affairs in spite of being apart of the student council.

Maybe Jungkook was right.

You don’t dwell too much on your thoughts because you’re unable to, not when the door slams open and bodies of college men pour out with large shouts and their padded shoulders—looking very much prepared for their game.

The anxiety settles into the pit of your stomach when you realise you stick out like a sore thumb. The jeans and white top you were wearing was quite a typical outfit to wear to a game, with the addition of ironically—a baseball jacket. But when you were definitely smaller than the footballers; it was hard not to feel out of place.

Especially when they look you over before continuing out to the field. While you attended games before, you were never asked to meet in the changing rooms. Jimin and Taehyung knew well enough not to ask you, and Jungkook … well. You were always his dirty little secret, weren’t you?

And you see Jungkook first, grinning like a madman when another footballer brings him into a headlock and hollers something you assume is their hype-cheer.

It isn’t supposed to feel like this. Things were meant to have been settled, but the tight feeling in your chest when you look at him only reminds you that some things were hard to erase.

Before you can look away, Jungkook spots you—and he pushes the arms of his teammate off ever so slightly before turning to him and muttering a few words before he’s stalking towards you.

Your eyes widen, definitely not expecting him to pay you any mind.

“You’re here?” He furrows his brows.

You clear your throat, and you realise navigating a conversation with him after what’s transpired is much harder than you expected it to be. The fact that he was so casual about it when he left you with a kiss on your forehead makes you even more conflicted.

“I am.” You mumble. “I told you, remember?”

Jungkook blinks as if he remembers something, and his expression hardens ever so slightly before he’s schooling his features.

“Yeah.” He breathes. “I knew that. Just didn’t know you’d be … here.”

Here was probably referring to standing outside the changing rooms, and you can’t help but flush at the declaration.

“Um, yeah. Namjoon—” Before you can finish your sentence, you see the captain heading towards you with a large grin; looking over Jungkook for a brief moment.

“You’re here!” His words are exactly the same as Jungkook’s, but it evokes a different set of emotions in your chest.

You smile as sincerely as you can, which is proven difficult when you can feel Jungkook’s gaze on you.

“I am.” And you repeat the same thing you said to Jungkook. It feels odd, but you push the feelings aside. “Good luck, you.”

You offer a small punch to his shoulder, an awkward attempt at supporting him and you almost apologise but Namjoon smiles even wider.

His hand reaches out to your hair, gently patting it as he looks at you fondly. You don’t think anyone’s ever treated you so … tenderly before, not upfront and after one meeting at least. And you’re definitely flustered.

“Thank you. It means a lot that you’re here.” His dimples are on full show when he looks down at you with a kind gaze.

You clear your throat and look away, hoping the dim lights didn’t amplify the blush on your cheeks.

“Of course. We have that exhibition next to look forward to if all else goes South.” You grin cheekily up at him, words still soft.

You hope that your joke doesn’t rub him the wrong way, and it doesn’t because he snorts in response. All while Jungkook is silent.

“That’s a win itself, isn’t it?” He says smoothly, and your eyes widen at his blatant—or at least you think—flirting.

And before you can splutter a response, Jungkook is nudging Namjoon’s arm with his shoulder, the movement slightly rougher with his shoulder pads in place.

“We gotta go, Cap,” Jungkook says stiffly.

Namjoon doesn’t realise the hostility in his tone, but you do. And you frown ever so slightly, but you cover it up when Namjoon looks over at you with an apologetic expression.

“I’ll see you after the game?” He asks, eyes lighting up.

Your lips tilt upwards and you nod your head.

“Yeah.”

Namjoon jogs off first, not before grabbing his protective gear as Jungkook lingers ever so slightly, stuttering in his feet as you have the vision of his back towards you.

You’re about to head towards the bleachers, a spot that Namjoon purposefully reserved for you with help of his coach; but Jungkook turns around and his face is hesitant.

“Will you …” He swallows as you raise an eyebrow at his uncertainty. “Will you cheer for me?”

The question is odd, especially when you know that he’s aware that you were here for Namjoon. Usually, that would imply that you were rooting for him. But, you’ve never been able to say no to Jungkook. Not even when you want him to feel the same hurt you’ve felt.

“What friends are for, right?” You mumble, eyes darting to the ground for a second until you look back up at him again.

What you don’t say is that friends don’t do the things we did, or that there was no manual to teach you how to navigate the throes of your relationship after everything that’s happened. Nor do you tell Jungkook that you’re always cheering him on, but you can’t do it outwardly. Not tonight. Not for a while, too.

Jungkook’s face falls obscurely, but he forces a tight smile before grabbing his protective gear too.

“I’ll look for you,” Jungkook says.

Then he’s off, with a squeeze to your shoulder that leaves your heart feeling a lot heavier.

You ended up sitting next to the school photographer, who you now know as Yena. Prior to this, you’ve heard the student reporter club have a few intense individuals apart of them—word you heard from Yoongi, the President himself—and he was already as intimidating as one could get. But there was Yena, who essentially made people cower in fear when they’d make eye contact with her.

“What are you doing here?” Is the first thing she asks when you slide into your seat. Her tone isn’t condescending, neither was it purposely made to make you feel uncomfortable. Rather, she asked it in a rather bored tone—as if there were better things she could be doing.

“Um.” You squeak.

Yena rolls her eyes, “Relax. I’m not going to bite your head off despite my grotesque appearance. Ever heard of a conversation starter?”

You blink.

“You’re very pretty.” You say softly.

Yena narrows her eyes at you for what seems like forever as you clear your throat. Then, she snorts before patting you on the shoulder.

“I didn’t mean objectively ugly, sweetheart.”

The tilt of her lips make your ears flush and you never found yourself downright intimidated by someone, but there was something about her that made you want to listen to her.

“O-Oh.”

She rolls her eyes. “You’re too nice, _____. Has anyone ever told you that?” She emphasises her point with a tilt of her head.

“N-Not really …” You mumble.

She sighs as she kicks her feet on top of the railings in front of her while her eyes follow the line of footballers that pour onto the field, already moving towards a group huddle.

Her camera is already in her hands when she snaps the shot like second nature, before plopping back into her seat.

“Well, you are. People are gonna eat you alive, you know?” She says pointedly.

You fiddle with your fingers before you find the courage to look at her.

“How did you know who I was?” You wonder out loud with furrowed brows.

Yena scoffs before turning to look at you with a blank expression. And it’s the worst part in you that makes you think that you’ve said something wrong.

“You’re kidding, right?” She deadpans. “Girl who made honours three years in a row? First female student council president? Lecturers pet? Curve-setter? The list goes on, really.”

You flush as you turn your head away.

“I didn’t mean …” You mutter.

She waves you off. “You don’t have to sound so guilty about it. You’re smart and you’re capable. Own it.” She shrugs.

You blink up at her with wide eyes, and for the first time; she properly looks at you and your surprised expression.

“Thank you.” You say softly.

When a whistle blows, the game has somehow started and you have half the mind to begin cheering like the rest of the crowd. But the awkward part of you remains rooted in position.

“So.” Yena leans in with a grin on her face. “Who’s the lucky guy?”

It’s … odd. Purely because you’ve never spoken to her before and you’ve briefly heard about her in passing when you communicate with Yoongi on pastoral affairs. And for someone to speak to you so freely and casually, like you’ve been friends for years—feels nice.

And it’s probably also because you didn’t have any girl friends that you could really trust. People on campus were … they were mean and they usually wanted something from you, whether it was to get to one of your friends or get insights on events so they’d get a boost on their reputation.

“Earth to _____?” She drawls.

You snap your head towards her and your ears turn red once again.

“There’s isn’t … any guy.” You confess.

Yena snorts as if she doesn’t believe you.

“Really now?” Her grin approaches a smile when she rests her chin on her palm. “You know not just anyone sits here, right?”

You shrug. “What about you? Who’s the lucky guy?”

She blinks, then leans back before kicking one leg across her other.

“Photographer pros. Or cons. Especially if you consider watching disgusting men sweat and chase after balls is something to be grateful for.” She rolls her eyes.

You laugh when she complains, and it’s likely the first time you’ve relaxed your shoulders around her.

“That does sound kind of gross.”

She nods her head as if to say right, before offering you a cheeky grin.

Then, her eyes zero onto the field, then back to your face—and eventually back to the field before she hops off her seat once again; waving her camera to signal you that she was going to carry out her duties.

You think Yena’s cool. A little intense, and kind of scary—but a nice person nevertheless. Maybe you were a blind optimist that saw the good in everyone, but there was something about her that you really liked. The kind of person you wish you could become.

The cheers get immensely louder, especially when you note that Jungkook’s scored a goal—his beaming expression displayed on the big screen while you hear girls and guys alike cheering his name.

It’s times like this where you’re reminded of how different you were from him. While he received praise and approval from the masses and was born to be loved by them. You were quite the opposite; the cheerer and the supporter but never quite the one receiving it.

His eyes skim the crowd, and you can see from the screen that his brows furrow ever so slightly. But he’s quick to return to his groove, fist-bumping a teammate along the way.

You sigh because even when you weren’t intentionally looking for him it’s like your heart only wants you to see what’s familiar. And funnily enough, the hurt is familiar too.

In the middle of it all, you try your best to smile—and throw in a small whoop on your own, hoping to blend in but be present enough to be heard.

Yena returns only when it’s half-time, her own body covered in sweat while she huffs, slapping a stray strand of hair away from her face.

“God. You’d think they’d slow down after fifteen minutes but nooo. They have to go flex on their fragile masculinities because they think growling and ripping off their shirts is peak alpha male character.” Yena mutters and it’s the first thing you hear from her.

You offer her a sympathetic smile before digging into your bag and pulling out a handkerchief, one that you always carry around.

“Here.” You smile at her toothily.

Yena eyes the fabric sceptically before looking at your face and back to the handkerchief.

“You sure?”

You nod your head, jutting out your hand once more to emphasise your point.

“Ah. I can see why Namjoon nabbed you up.” Yena coos, ruffling your hair as your eyes widen.

“H-How—?”

“How did I know? Well besides the fact that my job is to literally stick with the team and capture moments and make them look pretty—I’m nosey.” Yena shrugs and your face pales. “Oh, and I saw you guys at the changing room too.”

If she saw … that meant—

“Thought you were with the meathead Jeon for a moment.” Yena snorts.

Your eyes dart down to your lap, and Yena picks up on your silence immediately. But unlike the conventional person; despite her curiousity, she respected your privacy more. So she doesn’t, she just offers you a smile and a nudge to your shoulder.

“Don’t worry,” Yena assures, sighing as the voices of the footballers fill your area as they come up for refreshment. “He’s nice.” You weren’t sure who she was referring to so you just nod.

“Yena—pass me a bottle!” A boy calls, and you half expect her to do so, but instead, she delivers him one better—a middle finger.

“Get it your self you dickwad!” Yena calls back.

Your eyes widen when you turn your head to look at her, completely unbothered when the footballer shoots daggers at her nonchalant figure.

“Men. Think you always owe them something.” She scoffs.

You find yourself unconsciously nodding your head, and once again Yena recognises the gesture but doesn’t mention anything.

Instead, she turns towards you and levels you with a wide grin of her own.

“You’re cool. We should hang out.”

The declaration makes your eyes widen even more and you realise how much you’ve fumbled and made yourself look … stiff the entire time you were attempting to converse with Yena. But she seemed to be unbothered, and the thought makes you excited.

“We should?” You parrot with a squeak.

She nods and you’re still finding it hard to process the fact that she’d brought that up out of the blue.

You weren’t bad company. But you were … you.

“You’re like Ms Bona Fide.” Yena tuts. “People these days are either out to please or to receive.”

You furrow your brows.

“And I’m … not?” You say softly.

“You’re present.” Yena shrugs and throws you an easy-going smile.

God. She was so cool.

Namjoon scores the final goal.

You expect him to call the hangout off because, well, he’d closed the game and he was the captain. It was only normal that he’d want to celebrate.

So when Yena nudges your shoulders while your head is bent and focused on your mobile device, you slowly looked up with furrowed brows to see her cocking her head to the side with a knowing grin on her face.

And you see Namjoon, out of his gear and in a plain t-shirt and sweats while he waves at you.

You can’t help but gape at him.

“I see you’ve surrendered to good company instead of a zoo.” Yena greets Namjoon first with a snort.

Namjoon rolls his eyes, and you gauge that they’re at least well-acquainted. Acquainted enough that Namjoon subtly tries to flick her off, but you catch the gesture as soon as it comes.

“Promises are promises.” Namjoon shrugs as if he wasn’t aware that you were still gaping at him. Mouth open like a fish out of the water.

“Well—be nice, captain.” Yena whistles, throwing her camera into her bag and slinging it over her shoulder before she turns to look at you, a gentle nudge with her shoulder to yours as she levels you with an intentional look in her eyes.

“Don’t start any fights, Yena.” Namjoon gently chides, but his tone is joking.

Yena waves him off, then waves at you one last time, leaning down to whisper something into your ear that has you flushing.

“Tell me how it goes when we hang out.”

And she leaves you with a keen sense of excitement on the prospect of a new friend like her to look forward to hanging out with.

Namjoon looks over at you, and gently reaches for the tote bag you’ve slung over your shoulder as he tugs it off you with a soft pull.

“Let me.” His smile is all teeth and dimpled grins when you reluctantly let him take your bag from you.

“Thank you.” You murmur, eyes attempting to look at him but his gaze is so focused on yours that you find it difficult to make eye contact.

“We’ve got an exhibition to go to, don’t we?”

You nod your head enthusiastically as he chuckles, allowing you to lead the way as you find a little prep in your steps. It was nice. Having a friend like Namjoon.

“Captain’s not coming?” Yugyeom groans, ruffling his hair with a towel as the rest of the footballers filter out of the changing room.

Jimin snorts in response. “No. He’s got a date.” The emphasis on the word date is obvious in the immature sense, evoking wide eyes as responses.

“He bailed on us for some pussy?!” Yugyeom cries.

Jungkook has to clench his fists by his side when he hears how his teammate casually referred to you as just some pussy. You weren’t just … that.

“Watch your tone,” Jimin growls, and Jungkook’s thankful that Jimin was more of the confrontational type and didn’t allow shit like this to slide easily. Especially when it came to you. “That’s my best friend you’re talking about.”

Yugyeom’s eyes widened before gawking at the blonde boy.

“You mean Namjoon is going on a date with _____?” The rest of the footballers murmur in response, possibly out of confusion. “How did they—doesn’t she not … date?”

Jimin sighs, already ready with a response on the tip of his tongue but Jeonghan, the keeper interjects.

“Wait, I was under the impression that she and Jeon were a thing?”

At the mention of his name tangled with yours, Jungkook, who has been relatively silent throughout, freezes as his hands stop rummaging through his duffel bag while he tries to ignore the inquisitive stares he’s receiving from his teammates.

“W-What?” Jungkook stutters caught off guard.

Yugyeom narrows his eyes at the boy, while Jimin silently observes with an unreadable expression.

“Now that you mention it …” He trails off, head tilting upwards as if he was deep in thought. “I did always see the two of them alone with each other.”

Jungkook clears his throat as he lets out a nervous chuckle, his hand reaching to scratch the back of his neck.

“We’re friends,” Jungkook says stiffly and he hopes it’s believable, despite his hoarse voice. “Friends hang out.”

Jeonghan snorts. “Or she’s a two-timer.”

This time, Jungkook can’t keep his face neutral.

“Talk about her like that one more time and I’ll make sure you never speak again.” He growls to the other boy, whose eyes widen in response.

“I was kidding—” He raises his hands in defense but Jungkook is shoving the remainder of his belongings into his duffel bag before hauling it over his shoulder and storming out of the room, ears burning in both frustration and anger.

“You don’t joke about this type of shit,” Jungkook mutters under his breath right as he leaves the rest of the members brewing with confused expressions as they look at one another with concerned expressions.

Namjoon, as expected, is a museum enthusiast. That much you could assess when he was excitedly chirping about how much he appreciated all types of art, abstract, modern and contemporary and vintage—you name it and he could likely give you a break down of the nuances behind styles and techniques.

He is also great company. Namjoon is a comfortable line between involved and chivalrous, never pushing farther than what you were able to offer but engaging you in insightful discussions that you found yourself being intrigued by.

While you expected more … forward gestures, Namjoon is respectful and you’re surprised but not really. He was mannered encompassed into human form.

So, when the security guard informs you that the exhibition was over and that the two were the last guests in the hall—the two of you reluctantly had to bring your night to an end.

“That was fun,” Namjoon says once the two of you exit the hall, just two figures in the night who have thousands of words to say about the masterpieces you’ve witnessed.

“Honestly, I was already looking forward to it but seeing the pieces the art students curated in person was just another type of euphoria.” You confess.

Namjoon nods in agreement. “I totally agree. You can just tell that they’ve really dedicated all their free time to the work they’ve displayed.”

“Art is beautiful, isn’t it?” You mumble, eyes looking back to the museum as you grin up at Namjoon who’s already looking at you.

“Yeah.” He breathes, and the way he’s looking at you under the dim moonlight makes you irrevocably flustered. “Beautiful.”

You clear your throat as you shift on your heels, hoping the blush on your cheeks isn’t too apparent. The night was still wondrous, and you feel a type of comfort in Namjoon that you haven’t felt in a very long time. But there’s still a lingering thought in the substandard part of your mind that reminds you of doe-eyes and a bunny smile.

“Thank you for your time, Namjoon.” You say shy, fiddling with your thumbs.

When you find the courage to look at his face, he’s already beaming at you.

“No. Thank you.” He reassures. “I know you’re super busy so for you to find time out of your schedule to hang with a virtual stranger really means a lot to me.”

Your eyes widen, but then your face neutralises as you flush.

“I’m not that busy …” You mumble.

Namjoon chuckles. He doesn’t even snort or offer a sarcastic remark in response. He just acknowledges it with a kind smile and doesn’t comment further.

He’s different from what you’re used to. A challenge. A burst of rebellion that loved to roll remarks off his tongue.

You don’t want to think of him just yet.

“Regardless. You’re here. And I’m grateful.”

You nod your head lamely, clutching your bag into your chest (after relentlessly whining to Namjoon to allow you to hold it yourself when you felt a little useless).

“I should—I should head back.” You cock your thumb towards the direction of your apartment.

Immediately, Namjoon steps forward and is ready to head the same way you are.

“Let me walk you back.”

“I can’t possibly—”

“I’m not asking this time, ______.” He frowns.

You snap your lips shut. Though you did feel a little bad, it was late and the rational part of you knew that it was best if Namjoon walked you home.

“Okay.” You say softly.

Before you can begin walking, he tugs you by the elbow so gently, but firm enough for you to nearly stumble into his chest.

And he’s so tall, so you’re peering up at him with wide eyes as you gauge his nervous expression.

“I-I’m sorry if this is a little forward but—” Namjoon clears his throat. “W-Well I think—I really think you’re nice. And great. Like—good company, you know? So I’d r-really—I’d enjoy—”

You blink at him as he attempts to find his words.

“Namjoon.” You whisper gently, tugging the hem of his shirt.

At your gesture, his mind blanks but he remembers that you’re still looking up at him with a confused gaze.

“Okay. Fuck.” He whines as a giggle escapes your throat when he peers at you with an exasperated expression. “I’m not usually this much of a mess. You just make me nervous.”

“O-Oh.” You breathe, “I do?”

Namjoon sighs, rubbing his hands over his face.

“I don’t know if it was obvious but I’m kind of into you.” He says softly, rubbing his hand over his neck.

You don’t expect it, not at all. So you can only muster gawking at him at his sudden confession.

“And you don’t need to—you don’t need to say anything about it. We can pretend like I didn’t just confess to you. We can just be friends.” He rambles, eyes wide. “I just wanted to let you know … yeah. So I really hope we can still continue to hang out even though you might think I’m a creep and I really didn’t offer to walk you home because I had intentions. Really just wanted to make sure you were safe.”

You continue looking at Namjoon with wide eyes. Because you’ve never been on this end before. The one receiving the confession. You’ve never really given a confession either, and you try to suppress the bitter memories of the confession you tried to give Jungkook that wasn’t verbal but with your presence.

With you giving up certain parts of yourself for him so he could see you.

“Please say something.” Namjoon chuckles nervously.

“I—…” You choke. “I don’t know what to say.”

“We can pretend like I didn’t just say that.” He winces.

You shake your head. “No. No. It’s fine, Namjoon. Really.” You reassure him gently. “I really appreciate it … I just didn’t … expect it.” You finish lamely.

“You’re a very interesting person,” Namjoon tells you, lips twitching in an attempt to lighten the awkward atmosphere.

Interesting? You don’t think you’ve ever heard anyone call you interesting before. Not outright, at least.

“I’m really not.” You say sadly.

Namjoon furrows his brows but doesn’t reach out to you further, his hands still remaining limp by his sides.

“Hey.” His voice calls out. “You are. You’re definitely one of the most interesting people I’ve met in my life.”

You blink.

“T-Thank you.”

He waves you off, gesturing towards where you gestured towards earlier.

“Shall we?”

And somehow, Namjoon has a way of making everything feel easy. Like a temporary space for you to feel safe, to feel wanted.

So why doesn’t your heart flutter?

[turnaroundroundround]

Morimyu in Classical reference

So, as for the fact that music in Morimyu Op. 3 resembles classical music in both progression and musical technicality, it's interesting how it's possible to keep coming up with different interpretations after re-watching the musical again and again.

I've made a thread on twitter about this before, but 1) word limitations and thread will never be enough to list all that I have to say lol 2) I'd prefer to have a fuller version noted down, especially one that I can edit and keep coming back over and over again when ever I come up with something new.

Either way, I am still (lol) not a pro in music theory and music history as well. All that is written here are based on my very very basic knowledge on music as well as something that I've picked up (and discussed) with my friends after watching Op. 3.

What's the point of this?

Why is it important? Lol I always need this to keep myself from writing off-topic but anyways. Why do the music sound good (except for the fact that because it does lol), and what do they represent? Surely there must be, and there always are, other things that are implied not only through the lyrics but also the music, and the flow in general.

Apart from the lyrics and the lines, it's also quite interesting to have a close look at the music - melody and harmony itself - to see how they portray the stories.

Most importantly, the continuality. How did Morimyu manage to insert so many songs and still managing to connect them as a whole? And how did they use music to go beyond what's on the pages? That's the most important thing about musicals - beyond the pages. We don't see stage or anime doing so very often, as they mainly focus on what's already there, bringing them to life as close as possible to how we imagine things might happen.

As for musical, they have the music. They have the arias and the songs. At some point, a character starts singing, and other characters followed suit. They have their very unique way of expressing the plot, and they have the orchestra, the arias where characters get their solo song, and the duets between characters with strong relationships, and the ensemble which emphasizes the plot, and so on.

A funny thing about duets in classical opera, they're often meant to show lovers' relationship because of the harmony but can also use opposition and all to show enemies' relationship. And in SherLiam's duet it's just both of them at the same time - thoughts connected while engaging in a chase, a hide and seek game of mystery. We'll go into that later.

Back to the topic. Morimyu follows the main plot strictly, but also uses their advantage with music to add all the side details that wasn't told in the manga to create a "complete" view of the plot. It is always available for musicals to do something unexpected (like how we never expected Lestrade's puppet show to be a whole 5 mins long piece lol). And where they did that they added arias and duets, they allowed moments where characters express and developed their emotions as well as going with the plan (yes Albert yessss). Of course there's both a good and bad side to this all the while.

💛 The good thing is they went all the way to show us sides of emotions that we don't see much in the manga or stage, the sides of the story that all of them have kept hidden while focusing on their grand plan. 💛 But then it does get too emotional at some point, especially those who came for the plot and the mind games behind all of it (like me - although I won't deny that I had a lot of fun picking out all the emotions behind the music here lol).

Musicals can always go beyond what we knew. As for Morimyu, their music is heavily influenced by opera and classical music, and it's shown quite clear. There is live music playing (instead of the entire orchestra we have a violin and piano duet), and they have distinctive arias and recitatives throughout.

So thanks to that, it's also possible to use a reference from classical music to interpret their songs.

A Sonata formation - The Narrative Series of SherLiam

Yes, songs arranged and analysed with reference to a Sonata formation, especially in the way they progress through the play.

Some notes before getting into the point

1 - Sonata = a piece of music consisting of several movements - very often 3, sometimes 4. First movement-Allegro: With the quick tempo, introducing the theme of the entire Sonata Second movement-Adagio/Largo: Slow tempo, can be emotional sometimes, as well as leading more towards the final movement Third movement-Rondo Vivace: The ending, quick-paced and vigorous, leading the Sonata to a close. A Sonata always has a general theme, a topic. The theme that I chose to write about is Mystery - the Hide and Seek game between the Detective and Lord of Crime

2 - Aria and Recitative = different types of songs used in an opera Recitative: Lines within a song that happens like a real conversation, as the characters sing they are also talking to each other Aria: A solo section where everything else is a freeze frame, while one actor remains and sing their own song about their thoughts, feelings, etc. In this post we're mainly discussing the arias of Sherlock and Liam, and the duet between them. But there's also some mention of recitatives here and there.

3 - Videos used To make it easier to understand which songs I'm talking about, I also arranged them in piano. And also to have a listen at how they might connect. Just in case the videos beneath don't work (they didn't work on my phone), the three songs discussed are Nazo, Liam's solo, Kokoro no Rondo, all piano arrangements.

All of the songs noted in this section are arias and duets from Op. 3 - the Ghost of the Whitechapel. The additional "series" that Morimyu has added spreading throughout the play, Sherlock and Liam's narratives, which portrays both their emotions and the chase between the detective and the Lord of Crime.

First Movement - Allegro: Nazo(謎) song

Starting from Lestrade's exit after his puppetshow and proceed to the scene, Sherlock's aria introduces the theme of the imaginary hide and seek game that the Lord of Crime has started. The song repeats the word (mystery) over and over again with a continuous rhythm.

Ends with Sherlock just mumbling the word Nazo (mystery) and exiting the stage - no conclusions, just like a mystery that leads into further mysteries with no answer.

♛♛♛ In regards to a Sonata formation, this is the beginning of the entire piece. Quick in tempo, written in 3/4 time and introduces the theme of the entire piece - Mystery.

Uso ka Shinjitsu ka - Lie or Truth song

Starting after Sherlock learns the truth behind Jack the Ripper, wondering if Lord of Crime is a good person after all.

Now I had a really hard time thinking whether this piece should be included or not. For one, it's not an aria. It can be viewed as a Da capo Aria, a development section of the Nazo song, repeating the theme that is introduced, coming and going rather quickly. So, for continuality.

It also does not fit into the series as a whole, being 1) a recitative. The lyrics focus entirely on Sherlock's deduction and whether he should expose the truth or not, etc. so on. 2) The lines in here, unlike the other arias, are taken directly from the manga, so it's not entirely an 'added' element to this chase. 3) Also because if we compare this to a Sonata form, this doesn't really fit anywhere

However, among Sherlock's arias, this song can also be seen as an interesting development as I have mentioned above, so I've decided to have it here, still.

There's another thing about almost all of Sherlock's arias throughout the 2 stages - they never have a conclusive end. The detective's mind is always running, mysteries after mysteries.

Most of the other characters' songs ends with some kind of closing lines, and piano continues to conclude the piece with a strong end, and then goes on to start another piece. All of their problems in the songs are concluded. They made up their minds in some ways.

But Sherlock, his songs always end with him repeating the melody, a capella, and exiting the stage. Piano waits for him to exit, then starts a new song. Or in Op. 2's Mindgame case going straight into the next conversation. We never get to know how Sherlock's songs end, because they didn't really end at those points. There's a hanging sense of waiting for a resolution, a conclusion. Sherlock never seems to have his problems solved within the songs, they just go on and on.

An idea initiates, then something happens and he is once again in the dark. And he spins around within his own mind.

Screenshot from Op. 2. Even if we look back to his aria Mindgames from Op. 2, this song doesn't really have a conclusive ending as well. He just starts singing, the music stops and he starts shooting and going on, resuming the play. It kind of has been a thing for Sherlock's arias?

Second Movement - Adagio/Largo: Liam's solo

♛♛♛ The "second movement" - the 'slower' piece - of the series, Liam's aria lol but actually the piano part of this song isn't slow at all but ok. The other side of this hide and seek game. The "development" section of the sonata series, where we see things in a much more emotional way.

This aria is much richer in harmony and melody. Not only Liam's melody, but also the piano's part which plays a beautiful melody in harmony.

I recall an interview where the stage director mentions how the "orchestra" - piano and violin are representations for Liam and Sherlock. It kind of applies here, where his music is created mostly by piano.

There is modulation, emotions rising and elevating quickly and strongly. But the harmony is beautiful, overflowing and rich with emotions. The song repeats certain lines, emphasizing aspects within Liam's thoughts.

Unlike Sherlock's train of thoughts that circles with no destination, Liam's solo has a definite ending in harmony -> Even with all his emotions in mind, Liam still has a goal already set before him. He has a brief moment of slowing down, pausing and sung about his feeling, before resuming the story.

Leading us to the final stage - Kokoro no Rondo.

Third Movement - Rondo Vivace: Kokoro no Rondo

Rondo formation: Rondo is a type of dance that revolves around a pattern, often ABA, ABACA, or ABACABA - where A is the ritournello ("meguri - kimi ni omou - meguru kokoro no rondo" section) that is repeated over and over with B, C parts in between. Rondo can also be combined with sonata form - this case applies to this song which begins with a key other than the tonic (Fm) before resolving to the tonic key (Fm) to put an end to the entire sonata series. For reference purposes, the last movement of Beethoven's Pathetique or the very typical Fur Elise is also written in a similar format. I also referred to Pathetique quite a lot when brainstorming this post.

♛♛♛ The "final movement" of this Sonata, the final scene of their "Hide and Seek" game. The song's tempo is vibrant and rapid, combining with the dancing sense, all the while strictly following the structure of a Rondo as mentioned above.

This is the stage where Liam and Sherlock's line interacts and reply to each other, as if in a real conversation - just like how the connection between them are now much stronger than what they had before.

In the ritournello, we have Liam and Sherlock's lines intertwining and chasing after one another, emphasizing the "Hide and Seek" element between the two of them.

The song comes to a definite ending, concluding with a strong tonic (Fm) chord. At this stage, there is no more question to be left open, for Sherlock at this point has already made up his mind to take the next step into solving the mysteries regarding the Lord of Crime.

Their imaginary game of Hide and Seek is coming to an end, as Sherlock came to a decision to take the next step - going to Durham.

That's the end of my first draft.

So far that is some of my thoughts noted down right after watching Op. 3 stream a while ago, with some edition made just now.

On the side note, at some point during my discussion with a friend, we also came up with the idea that a Suite may be a better reference. A Suite consists of 4 parts and a prelude, each of them having their specific characteristic. But we didn't go all the way analysing that idea, as 1) we couldn't find a 5th piece that can be added into the series. 2) Even if we did, the Truth or Lie song still would not really fit into the "aria" vibe of this series, as mentioned above.

But then quite interestingly, after a while, I've found another interesting fact that should have been quite obvious but I've missed for (lol) like ages.

The game of Hide and Seek between the detective and the Lord of Crime has begun ever since after Hope's case - that being said, ever since the end of Op. 1

And what is it that we have in Op. 2? "The Mind games of the Lord of Crime". The one where Sherlock went maniac rapping about all the thoughts he has and end up shooting randomly into the wall.

At first it begins like another recitative, but in the later half, the harmony starts to become more harmonious, written in 3/4 time flowing like a dance.

In that section, the melody of the piano and violin part resembles the one we have in Kokoro no Rondo, the Ritournello section, only that the melody of the violin in Op. 2 and the melody that SherLiam sung in Op. 3 are kind of reversed.

Coincidence much?

So now we have a collection of songs from both Opus, it becomes tricky. How do we connect them? And what's the story?

At this point, all these recitatives, aria and duets all in the theme of the Hide and Seek game. And they all connect to each other through harmony, progressions in harmony.

We know that the Mind games of the Lord of Crime has begun from ever since the end of Op. 1. We know that Sherlock keeps wondering about that in Op. 2, and then he wonders even further after he has been tested by the Lord of Crime. "また俺だけのメッセージなのか?" - Is this a message just for me?, as he wondered in the Truth or Lie song. We knew all of that. But Morimyu didn't let that stop them from emphasizing on this subplot even further.

They didn't let the gap between Op. 2 and Op. 3 stop them from making a smooth flow in plot either.

Correction, they didn't simply create a flow. They established a connection, all the while showing a strong progression of Sherlock's thoughts that goes on from Op. 2 straight onto Op. 3.

Very often, what makes a good plot is how their plots and sub-plots intertwine with each other. Morimyu has a main plot that follows Moriarty gang in the plan of changing society. And they have a smaller plot told from Sherlock's side of things. And they have this sub-plot told by harmony of how Sherlock is connected to Liam, or the Lord of Crime, by an invisible thread. A connection that is only expressed that clearly in Morimyu.

We have so many things going on, so many songs throughout the play. But each of those elements are all connected to something else, creating a sub-plot that enriches the main plot.

There is no loose connections. For everything that connects to the main plot, they're also linked to other elements. Each scene and every song has their own meaning not only in regards to other songs, but also to the plot as a whole.

Also, did I mention how Morimyu feels like a grand piece of music?

Opus -> What classical songs had that basically shows the order in which they are written. Morimyu - a title piece itself - has 3 Opus, 3 different parts with the same theme.

Classical music very often had all the different elements in it -> Morimyu had an overture, the song they sing just before the main theme song, just before introducing the stage. Then arias, ensembles and choruses. All of them are connected by similar harmony.

Classical music always had a big general theme, with each section having a smaller sequence connecting to each other. Subplots within a big plots. A Sonata piece has 3 movements, each having their own "sections" of development - expositions, development, recapitulation. -> Morimyu does the same to their plot and subplots, as discussed above.

Also, Opera reference

While Opus 2 used an opera reference to tell the story, I feel like Opus 3 has become an Opera itself. During Op. 2 the arias were mostly very loyal to the manga, taking their lines from the original work, like the Mind Games song. Their story progresses steadily but logically.

However starting from Op. 3, the aria became more independent. They developed and expressed even further what wasn't said in the manga. For instance, the 3 songs mentioned in the "Sonata" above. And there's also Albert's solo, and Patterson's solo and Milverton, which I haven't got the chance to discuss all.

But either way, they spring out of the original story, adding more emotions and "colours" to the characters. The aria became more original, all the while also much more expressive. We get to see new sides of the characters that we haven't seen anywhere before.

Anyways, it's probably time to go back to the main question: How Morimyu used music to go beyond what's on the pages.

-> Musicals aren't simply about music added to acting. The characters on stage don't just simply starts singing for no reason. All the songs are meant to express something, and while they do they also establish various connections to the plot's progression.

We don't get to see much of the characters' emotions in the manga. And we don't see much of the side story, the finer details behind each arc. Every time, Morimyu adds something original to enrich their plot. They express and develop what's already known to all the viewers, especially regarding the emotional and motivational side of the characters.

-> The manga shows us the entire plot, with details related, back stories that lead to the present, and all. But it doesn't give a lot of hint into how characters might feel. Surely, reading between the lines, it's up to the readers to interpret them.

But Morimyu gives us all of that, and they leave it to us to read between the music.

And even if we didn't, that's fine. Then the purpose of all of them linking together would be to create a performance where everything is connected harmoniously, allowing us to be emerged in the world of Yuumori.

-> The purpose of having a stage, primarily, is to allow the audience to engage in, experience and feel the emotions along with the characters they see on stage. The point of having a live stage, a plot, and the music, are all to let us emphasize with the characters on stage.

In Morimyu, we aren't just watching a plot between our favourite characters happening as we know it from the manga. We see a combination of mysteries unveiling slowly, the stories on the side of each characters as they slowly progress forward, as well as emphasising with their emotions in the story.

That's what I really like about Morimyu.

So, WHAT'S THE POINT OF THIS?

So I had to scroll back to the top (lol) to quote this and make sure I haven't gone too far from the main theme.

Regarding musical Yuumori, there's always so many things I'd like to talk about. And if I start going on about it then it only gets harder to focus on one single topic.

Since the topic here is Morimyu and their music, especially in classical reference, I've tried to keep everything I've discussed relevant. But whenever I start on something, there would always be something that comes to mind. Like how other songs might also have certain connections, or how they used stage directions and lightings, etc. I really want to look more into stage directions in Morimyu as well, but that would have to wait...

Anyways, I tried to keep this as simple as possible. When I sent the first version of this to my friends, I keep having the feeling that I got too technical with all the theories about harmony and structure lol

And once again, this is only some of my own interpretation of the series that I've picked up.

If something else came to mind... well. Either way, for the purpose of engaging in their wonderful music or for the purpose of watching a beautiful stage just for enjoyment, Morimyu definitely is worth watching. And to watch over and over again. I've said this for Op. 2 but I'll say this ten times as much for Op. 3. Truly magnificent.

And, that's pretty much it that I have for today, I guess.

Thanks a lot to all my friends who gave me lots of inspiration and motivation to complete this ヽ(・∀・)ﾉ Lots of love to @rikaaki as well ヽ(・∀・)ﾉ

[holidaywishes]

a bit of stress relief

  Requested: 👍

  Summary/Request: Can you PLEASE write about Freddie coming to your work and having a quickie in your office

  Warning: smut, fluff, whiny Freddie

  Author’s Note: REQUESTS ARE CLOSED for a bit. I do have one more in my inbox right now so I’ll add it to my drafts but after I write that I won’t be taking requests for... a while. Maybe a month? I have a few series I want to finish up before I start having requests piling up. I always love seeing my inbox full of requests for different types of fics, so this isn’t forever, just until I’m able to finish my Gally series for sure and possibly my 9-1-1 series. This request was fun and I just couldn’t say no lol. Thanks in advance for your understanding and I hope I’ll be able to get back to requests sooner than later but I’ll keep y’all updated! Stay Golden, loves! <3 

  masterlist

  the other masterlist

xx

  Your boss asked you to go into the office on a Saturday to finish an assignment that she had forgotten to mention earlier in the week. You would’ve argued that you had plans but your boss said it was for a presentation the next morning that they needed the information for

  “I’m sorry, Freddie,” you whined to your boyfriend as he tried to convince you to stay at his apartment, “believe me, I’d much rather be here but I’m not about to get fired...”

  “It’s not your assignment, it’s hers,” he argued, “she made the mistake. Why do you have to do it for her?”

  “It’s my job” you admitted

  “Except when it’s not...” he groaned

  “Freddie,” you sighed, “I won’t be long I promise. I just need to go in and print up some stuff and make a couple calls. Nothing major...”

  “So why can’t your boss do it?” he challenged, “it’s her mistake, so.. she should be responsible for fixing it”

  “I know,” you repeated, wrapping your arms around his neck before kissing his cheek, “but I can’t lose this job. I have loans to pay off”

  “You know I can help with that”

  “No,” you scoffed, “no you absolutely cannot. I don’t want to feel like I owe you anything. That’s not the relationship we have... I’m not your sugar baby”

  “But you could be”

  “But I don’t wanna be”

  “Alright...” he laughed, kissing your nose playfully

  “I’ll call you when I’m finished okay. I give it one, two hours tops”

  “If you’re not finished in two hours, I’m coming down there and taking you home” he teased

  “Okay,” you scoffed, “I’ll see you later.” You got to the office and rushed into your boss’s office to find the information you needed to work on. The office was empty, as it should’ve been, but when you heard the door open and close, you popped your out of the door to see who was there, “Hello?” you called

  “(Y/N)?” your co-worker asked

  “Mason? What are you doing here?” you returned, noticing now that a bunch of your co-workers were walking in

  “We could ask you the same thing” he chuckled

  “Laura forgot to do stuff for the presentation tomorrow, so she asked me to come in and do it”

  “For the conference?”

  “Yup”

  “Yeah,” he replied, “our team is having the same issue. Except they’re saying they ‘lost it’ or that it ‘must have gotten deleted somehow’ so now we have to be here all day trying to fix this”

  “Why are any of this people in charge again?” you asked

  “Maybe they slept their way to the top” he joked before waving you goodbye and heading to his station. You started at this company as an intern, mostly handing out mail and grabbing coffee for everyone, but they kept you around because you had a good eye for graphic design which was important in a marketing firm. However, your boss, Laura, had replaced Debra, the former Head of Marketing, a month before you were hired to be her assistant and she really wasn’t all that fond of you. She claimed that your degree should be in Business or Marketing not Graphic Design and that you’d only ever be an assistant in this industry so ‘don’t hope for more than that.’ You didn’t think too much of her comments though, at the end of the day, you had a job to you and you were going to do it well; even if it meant coming in on the weekend to do her forgotten assignments. When you finally found Laura’s papers, you groaned audibly, realizing this wasn’t going to be quick work

  “Hey!” Freddie greeted you from the other end of the line when you called him to let him know what was happening

  “Hey...” you sighed

  “What?” he groaned, “what’s going on?”

  “It looks like I’m gonna be here for a while. Laura underplayed how much work there was for me to do...”

  “You can’t really be doing this?” he whined

  “Babe, I have to. I told you, it’s my job. But,” you added, hoping it would make him feel better, “it’s not just me! Apparently, all the senior staff forgot to do these super important assignments for the conference. So, a bunch of us are here working until we finish them”

  “You need to quit this job,” he grumbled, “clearly no one is good at what they were hired to do”

  “I can’t quit unless I have something lined up,” you argued, “babe, I’m sorry. I know I promised that we’d lay in bed all weekend because this was the first time that you had free time but I have to do this. I promise, I’ll work as fast as I can but the longer I’m on the phone, the longer I’m at the office. So, I gotta go. I love you and I’ll see you as soon as I’m done okay?”

  “Call me and I’ll pick you up,” he replied, “you shouldn’t have to take an Uber back here...”

  “Okay,” you smiled, “that would be nice. Talk soon. Love you”

  “Love you, too” he said before you ended the call. You took a deep breath and started getting to work. Organizing timelines and trying to understand doctors-note-handwriting from past meetings

  “How can she possibly expect me to be able to understand this?” you thought to yourself. You signed onto her computer and were immediately left in shock at the jumbled mess of her desktop, “holy fuck!” you exclaimed silently, it’s no wonder she gets nothing done, “she’s the most unorganized person I’ve ever seen!” You spent the next 20 minutes opening files to find what you were looking for, closing what was not it immediately so you could legally say you didn’t see anything, and then you had to spend the next half an hour printing documents and running back and forth between Laura’s office and the copy room

  “How’s it goin’?” Rob, one of the other team members who was forced to come in and work on a Saturday, asked when he noticed you rushing throughout the room

  “Oh, you know, I’m sure I’ll have a panic attack in the next, oh, twenty or so minutes” you replied, sighing as you walked back to the printer one last time. You had managed to get most of the paper work done but you still had to make a few phone calls to get estimates on some of the ad spaces needed and whether or not there could be a discount involved for the company

  “Hey!” Freddie said gleefully, walking into your boss’ office like he owned the place

  “Freddie,” you gasped, a slight sneer on your tone, “what are you doing here?”

  “I came to see you...” he replied, furrowing his brow at your response, “when you said you were gonna be longer than you thought, I thought I’d come down and surprise you. Maybe take the stress off a little?”

  “That’s sweet, babe,” you smiled, noticing the look in his eyes and realizing what he was really there for, “but I have to make some calls so I can’t... do that”

  “We can make it work” he teased, biting his bottom lip quickly before pulling you close to him

  “Fred...” you whined, kissing him once before pushing him away from you and walking back to Laura’s desk, “I really do have to work. You can sit if you want but that’s it...” he slumped onto the plush couch against the window and frowned before scrolling through his phone as you started to call the businesses on your list. After about 10 minutes, you noticed Freddie peering up from his phone to look over at you, as if he was trying to get you to hang up the phone just from a look, choosing to walk over to you when you didn’t. “Yes, that’s right. I know you’ve been with us for quite some time and our relationship has helped both our businesses grow,” you spoke as Freddie swiveled you and your chair out from the desk, “we want that relationship to keep growing” you continued before noticing the smirk on Freddie’s face as he hovered over you, kissing your neck as you tried to pay attention to the call. “Mhmm,” you said to the person on the other end of the phone, distracted by Freddie’s lips pressing against the sensitive skin on your neck, his hot breath cascading down your neck, “mhm, sure. I understand” you said again, trying not to let on what was happening. “Laura is so sorry she couldn’t make this call to you herself,” you lied, Freddie kissing his way down to your core, pulling off your leggings quickly and kissing your inner thighs as you spoke, “however, she is excited to showcase your work to those at our conference tomorrow. We all just wanted to make sure the numbers were 100% accurate...” you had to bite your lip and move the receiver end of the phone from your mouth in case any sound escaped when you felt Freddie’s tongue finally press against your clit. “Oh that’s great!” you exclaimed when the partner on the phone added a discount to the quote you’d already been given, claiming that, had he known other businesses would be hearing of his services earlier, he would’ve offered it sooner. “Thank you so much,” you smiled, Freddie’s hands pulling your body closer to his him as his mouth brought you closer and closer to your orgasm, “I or Laura will let you know how everything goes. Thank you again” you said quickly before hanging up the phone. “Fuck,” you cursed breathlessly, “oh my god, Freddie!” your back was forced to arch, as you were pretty much falling out of your seat as Freddie continued to stimulate your clit, only now moving his finger to caress your folds before slowly inserted it inside of you and pumping until you whimpered, tugging at his hair. “Freddie,” you squeaked, trying not to be heard from outside the office, “fuck” you repeated quietly, your grip loosening from his hair as his ministrations slowed and your breathing steadied.

  “How’s your stress now?” he smirked, wiping his mouth casually before standing up in front of you once more

  “You can’t do that” you said, small pants escaping your lips, making Freddie believe you less than you intended

  “I think I can” he teased

  “I was on a business call, Fred!” you exclaimed, pulling your leggings back up, “what if they heard something?”

  “They would only hear something if you let them” he countered and, ultimately, you knew he was right but you still shook your head

  “You can’t do that” you repeated and he scoffed, hovering over you once more to taunt you with a kiss but stopped right in front of your lips

  “We’ll see about that...” he smirked, taking his hands away from the chair and walking back to sit on the couch

  “What’s goin’ on with you?” you asked

  “I just want to be with you,” he whined, giving you puppy dog eyes and earning a scoff from you, “that’s what we were supposed to be doing anyway...”

  “I told you we would when I got home...” you said

  “Come here,” he said, patting his thigh, “come sit on my lap” you chuckled but obliged. You wrapped your arms around his neck after sitting on his thigh, playing with his hair and kissing his nose before he spoke again, “see, isn’t this better than making a few phone calls?” he asked, his hand beginning to rub your back lightly

  “You know I would rather be doing this, or more than this, with you,” you admitted, leaning in and kissing him softly, letting your lips linger a moment before you pulled back, “but I have to do this stuff...”

  “Just a quickie...” he whispered, “and then I’ll go. Then we can pick up at home”

  “This is my boss’s office” you whined

  “All the more reason to do it. We’re in a private spot, secluded from everyone else, it’s perfect” he replied, kissing your jaw before moving down to your neck and you let your head fall back to give him more room

  “Mmmm,” you hummed, melting into his kiss, “I can’t”

  “(Y/N)...“ he groaned

  “Just a few more calls,” you argued, “I don’t have a lot left. Just like, five, maybe six”

  “That’s a lot. How long are each of those calls? 10 minutes? 20?” he asked, “we could do a lot with that time...”

  “Stop,” you smiled, standing up from his lap and walking back to the desk chair, “just a few more calls...” you repeated. He slunk into the couch and angrily unlocked his phone while you picked up Laura’s phone and began dialing. You were able to make three calls before Freddie began sighing loudly across the room and you had to glare at him, which is when the texts started

  “I want you” he sent as you spoke to another advertising partner on the phone

  “Like now” another came through

  “I’m gonna come over there”

  “And make you cum again” you glared up at him and he smiled

  “And again” you shook your head, turning off your sound so the partner didn’t hear the constant dinging

  “And again”

  “And again”

  “Until you can’t cum anymore” you noticed him smile as he thought up more responses and you threw a pencil at him, still paying attention to the conversation on the phone before mouthing ‘stop’ to Freddie but he just shook his head with a teasing smile

  “You won’t be able to walk”

  “Your legs will be numb”

  “Your chest will be heaving because you can’t catch your breath”

  “You’re gonna crave my dick”

  “Every time you move”

  “You’ll have to physically stop yourself from jumping me in public”

  “Because you’re still feeling me inside you” your eyes went wide as you read his messages, heat flooding your face as you ended the call, forcing yourself to dial another number before Freddie could get the upper hand. He slowly made his way to the desk once more and you gulped as you swallowed the saliva that had filled your mouth, Freddie hung up the phone before it ever even really began to ring

  “Seriously, don’t...” you whispered, knowing that you were about to break from whatever move he made next

  “But I want to” he growled, grazing your nose with his and you started to give in when he walked toward the door, “crap” you thought to yourself when you thought he was about to leave but he was only locking the door

  “What the fuck?!” you exclaimed, “that was unlocked this whole time?!”

  “Yeah?” he chuckled

  “Freddie! What would have happened if someone walked in earlier?”

  “They would’ve gotten a great show” he replied, walking over to you, leaning over you but not doing anything. You took a deep breath before running your hands up his arms, tangling your fingers in his hair before bringing him down to kiss you

  “We have to be quick...” you whispered, earning a grin from Freddie before he pulled your leggings off and directed your thighs around his waist so he could pick you up to carry you to the couch. You laughed when he sat down and you fell into him clumsily, “quiet” you shushed him before kissing him slowly and trailing your hands down to his waistband, pushing his pants down just enough to free his erection while his hands lifted your shirt up, stopping to massage your breasts. You heard a laugh outside of the office and stopped what you were doing, “wait,” you whispered, “I think someone’s there” he didn’t listen, kissing your neck and lining himself up with your entrance before bucking his hips to yours; your nails digging into his shoulders to stop yourself from making any sound. His hands gripped your hips as he thrust into you, bringing your attention back to him while your lips found each other in a clumsy rush to muffle the sounds of each other’s moans

  “Fuck,” Freddie moaned first, “fuck” you were about to reciprocate his sentiment when the phone rang and your head jerked back in panic

  “Shit” you sighed, worry mixing with pleasure as Freddie continued to grip your hips tightly

  “Ignore it” he said, kissing your peaked nipple over your shirt before moving a hand to your core, but your head still stayed looking at the ringing phone

  “What if it’s her?” you whined, referring to your boss

  “Ignore it” he repeated

  “What if it’s one of the partners or the vendors? What if it’s one of the really important clients?” you asked, knowing he wouldn’t give any helpful advice other than

  “Ignore it” he said once more, pulling your face back to his before kissing you harshly. The phone stopped ringing and you felt a faint sense of peace course through you as you softened the kiss that Freddie had started, your tongue begging for his lips to part, a muffled moan intertwining with his warm breath as it brushed over your exposed neck. Your tongue danced with his for a while as his fingers circled your clit, pressing down on the sensitive flesh every so often

  “Fuck” you breathed finally, now beginning to ride him faster, feeling his thighs flex underneath you as he welcomed the sensation of you crashing onto him. “Fuck,” you repeated, “shit, oh my god. Fuck Freddie” you felt your climax build as his lips met your neck, his finger still working on your clit while you rode him harder; the loud ringing of the phone the only thing that brought you back to where you were. “Ugh” you groaned

  “Leave it” he groaned back

  “Fuck” you sighed, reluctantly ignoring the phone to continue fucking your incredibly broad shoulder boyfriend

  “That’s my girl��� he smirked, watching you bounce up and down his length

  “Fuck, Freddie, I’m gonna cum” you panted, your hands clutching his shirt as your hips began to shake. “Sh-i-it, god fuck! Freddie” you moaned, still trying to be as quiet as possible but knowing that everyone in the office was probably putting on noise cancelling headphones just to try to escape the sounds they were undoubtedly hearing.

  “Almost there, baby” Freddie breathed, clutching onto your waist to assist your movements. Fuck, his hands fit so perfectly on your body, you really hated that this had to end so quickly, but that’s what he came here for. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum in you”

  “Fuck” you breathed, dropping your head onto his shoulder, your body taking over until you and Freddie met your release. Like clockwork, the annoying ringing of the phone appeared and you had to scoff at Freddie while you quickly got dressed

  “That was fun,” he smiled, “you sure you don’t wanna go round two?”

  “Hello” you greeted, picking up the phone to continue the work you had come to do, “I am so sorry about that. I’m not sure what was happening with the line…”

  “So we’ll continue this at my place then?” Freddie teased before and you nodded with wink before shooing him away but not before he kissed you goodbye. You were dreading the walk out of the office if Mason and his team hadn’t left yet but you knew it had to happen sooner or later

  “So, should we hire a clean up crew before your boss gets back?” one of the guys teased

  “Shut up” you said, hoping your embarrassment didn’t show too clearly

  “You do know we put on our headphones as soon as we saw him,” Mason admitted, “we knew there’s no way that he was gonna just show up to say hi”

  “He could’ve,” you tried, exhaling when you realized you were never going to fool any of them, “fine. Just, please, don’t rat me out. I just pulled together a miracle in that office and I don’t need Laura finding out about my office sex-capades — I don’t want that to be the reason she fires me. I’m not that girl…”

  “We know” another co-worker smirked

  “Don’t worry, your secret is safe with us,” Mason assured, “it’s a don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy as far as we’re concerned” you gave him an appreciative smile before heading out to meet Freddie in the parking garage

  “Hey” he smiled as you sat in the front seat

  “Hi” you replied, leaning over to peck his lips

  “Did you get your work done?” he teased

  “Yeah,” you chuckled, “it was a miracle but I got it done” he took your hand and brought it to his lips to press a kiss to it

  “No more quickies,” he whined, holding your hand for the remainder of the ride, until he needed it for one reason or another, “I need more than that”

  “I agree,” you smirked, “now, let’s go home so you can fuck me until I can’t walk

  “Yes ma’am.”

[xhanisai]

Would you be willing to share your Mariblanc recs?

Sure! There's so many that I have read and enjoyed- but it would take me forever to find all of them. So, I've gone through my AO3 bookmarks instead. Below, here's a list of other people's mariblanc and Chat Blanc related fics that I absolutely loved and I'm sure you will love too.

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Blanc Skies (ongoing + SFW) - By 11JJ11

Little kitty on the rooftop, Not alone For he has his Lady.

(In which Chat Blanc was able to win.)

I really like how dark and angsty this story is. It's a what-if scenario that many of us often theories about and I'm super happy that this talented writer has started this fic. It's quite heavy and I really like the way that both Marinette and Chat Blanc are depicted here too. I personally can't wait for the next update~

A lovely read for those who enjoy reading dystopian like stories and love the build-up of dread and tension.

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Hello, My Old Heart (finished + NSFW) - By QuantumChickpea

Chat Blanc was first known as Adrien Agreste, but that name was dead to him now. He no longer cared to hear that name and if anyone chose to even so much as speak it, he would send them to the keep.

Adrien Agreste was a prince, a knight in shining armour, that obeyed his father’s every word and the only heir to the throne. But none of that mattered anymore when his father was long gone. Murdered and trialled for treason. (Blancweek2021)

This one is a royalty AU and turned out to be sweeter towards the end than I was expecting (and I liked that a lot hahah!). I really liked how Chat Blanc was first depicted as a cold, ruthless prince and it took Marinette's determination and love to bring him back to the way he was. It's a trope that I really do love and it works perfectly with the mariblanc dynamic. Although angsty at first, it has a happy ending.

A great read if you have a love for medieval/royalty AUs as well as some sweet, sweet lovemaking.

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a happy ending (finished, oneshot + SFW) - By maketea

Ladybug and chat noir have five minutes to talk after she deakumatises him.

Technically, although he's been purified, he was Chat Blanc so it counts lol. Regardless, it's short and sweet but each line still packs a punch and is quite powerful and emotional. I really liked the pacing and the bittersweetness but also, the hope towards the end was the cherry on top. Another what-if scenario that we wish that canon has tackled during the episode.

A nice read if you like seeing Ladybug slowly fall for her partner and mourning over what they could have had as well as some soft intimacy.

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freedom [doesn't come free] (finished + SFW) - By Bronte

You know that part where Nathalie just marches into the Dupain Cheng Boulangerie Patisserie with that smug little smirk on her face and literally supports our favourite father of the year as he threatens (I repeat, threatens) our fourteen-year-old protagonist?

Yeah, me too.

This is a Chat Blanc re-write.

Oh my God, when I say that this story cracked me up, I fucking mean it. It's witty, hilarious, pure serotonin for the body and it's basically everything we could have had! It's a really well-done rewrite with a balance of everything you could want and the author's tone throughout the chapters is consistently enjoyable.

An awesome read if you want to laugh your ass off and watch Gabriel Goosebutt-Haired Agreste get what he deserves whilst Marinette and Adrien have the happy ending they deserve.

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been here before (finished, oneshot + SFW) - By Boogum

The sight of Marinette with her hair down is a slip of ice on his spine. It's the little prickles that creep along his skin, whispering to his soul of familiarity. Of been here before. It's the haze of dreams and echoes of loneliness and ice, and it leaves him frozen.

Or, in which Adrien starts to remember the events of Chat Blanc.

Another what-if scenario that was so well written and just so enjoyable to read. The slow-burn of confusion and grief that takes over Adrien was conveyed brilliantly and the angst hits the spot just right. I really liked the pacing, the description and the ending bound the whole story together in a nice little bow.

A wonderful read for those hungry for Adrien angst and figuring out his feelings for Marinette.

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Blanc Figment Series (Ongoing? + SFW) - By True_InTha_Blue

Memories and Emotions are a magic of their own and Ladybug faces her fears once again when Sandboy returns. What should she do when her fears not only affect her but her partner when already their relationship is strained? What should she do, when blue eyes know what lies beneath the mask?

The fact that I stayed up all night to read both the prequel and the sequel in the series says a lot lmao. These fics deliver with the dread and memories of Chat Blanc throughout as well as feeding our Marichat needs. It's angsty, emotional but also full of comfort and it's unique with the depictions of the main characters. I personally loved the lore and usage of magic conveyed throughout the story and it doesn't fail to keep you intrigued.

A great read if you love to see both heroes falling for each other all over again as they tackle Chat Blanc who seems to have developed his own sentient power.

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Trouble in White (finished + SFW) - By imthepunchlord

Finding your soulmate is supposed to be uplifting, and amazing, and just... miraculous. But for Marinette, it wasn't any of that. Her soulmate, he... he was... What does one do when your soulmate is an akuma?

This is one of the first few fics I came across in the beginning, before Chat Blanc was introduced in canon and it does not disappoint. It has a good balance of angst, comfort and love and of course, has my favourite trope: Marinette changing Chat Blanc both metaphorically and physically through purification lmao. It's sweet, it's enjoyable throughout the chapters and the ending is satisfying.

A nice read for those who not only love soulmate AUs, but also a good slow burn romance with the dilemmas of angst in the background that comes to play.

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That's it for now- there are also many other wonderful Chat Blanc related stories in my bookmarks (and probably hundreds more that I'm yet to read) but right now I'm running out of time and have lots of work to do lol.

Feel free to add anymore more mariblanc/chat blanc recs to this post!

[hellsbellschime]

Could you make a meta about jonerys storyline in s7?

LOL okay so fun story! I thought this would be a fun idea for a video and figured I’d do a scene by scene analysis except by the time I was done with 7x03 I already had FIFTEEN MINUTES of material, so I stopped there. It was interesting so I might dive more into it at another point, but I do feel like at the very least the subtext and narrative material from 7x03 is the most rich anyway.

Most fans of Game of Thrones were looking forward to the shows main leads, Jon Snow and Daenerys Targaryen, meeting each other for years. But unfortunately once "ice and fire" finally came face to face, their chemistry and relationship was tragically lacking. However, given that the show was trying to sell an epic love story between them in half a dozen episodes, what was it about Jon and Dany that went so wrong? And in retrospect, did it even go wrong at all? One of the most interesting bricks in the foundation of Jon and Daenerys's relationship actually gets set in stone before Jon and Dany even meet, and it's set in stone by Tyrion. There is an significant miscommunication caused by him in the second episode of the season, because Daenerys commands him to invite Jon to Dragonstone specifically to bend the knee, but the message he actually sends to Jon doesn't include that vital tidbit. But the question is, why is that?

It's possible to chalk it up to just an error in writing or editing, however it's something that would have to be overlooked by everyone, and given the way the season progresses it seems unlikely that that's the case. It could have easily been edited out of the episode itself, so the fact that it wasn't means that it had to have been left in for a reason. And the fact that this miscommunication is never clarified or brought up by Tyrion afterwards seemingly indicates that it's an intentional moment too. But what matters more about this intentional confusion is not the confusion itself, but what it's supposed to tell the audience. 

This disconnect between perspectives and understanding between Jon and Dany seems to repeat itself from the literal moment that they're introduced to each other as well. Obviously Missandei listing off all of Dany's many titles while Jon Snow is introduced with such little fanfare is a moment that plays very well comedically, but despite the fact that up until this point Jon and Dany have been portrayed as two of the most heroic characters in the series, the audience is immediately meant to see them as total opposites of each other. Obviously the disparity between them will become clearer later, but given the way they've both been presented as individuals thus far, it's quite odd that the literal second they meet they're portrayed in direct contrast to one another.

Jon and Daenerys's interactions are really weird right off the bat. Not only is Jon completely thrown for a loop when he arrives on Dragonstone and is immediately commanded to bend the knee and taken prisoner, but Daenerys is her worst, least appealing self as soon as she meets him. It's not entirely out of her wheel house to play hardball with another person in power that she's just met, but from what Tyrion has said about Jon she has no reason to negotiate so aggressively with him, and yet she does anyway. 

What really sticks out in this initial conversation more than anything though, is that immediately after Daenerys meets Jon, she does quite a few things that are going to be incredibly unappealing to Jon as a character. Firstly, she disregards Robb's quest for independence, something he literally died in service of, in order to defer to the supposed last King in the North, Torrhen Stark. That might make sense from Dany's perspective given that she has very little love lost for Viserys, but to Jon, overlooking his deceased brother who was legitimately chosen to be King in the North is not something that is going to win any points with him. 

Then Dany points out that Torrhen Stark swore fealty to House Targaryen in perpetuity in exchange for his life and the life of the Northmen. Now, given what Dany has done up until this point, no one would have expected her to kill all of the Northmen if Jon hadn't bent the knee, but Jon doesn't have the benefit of narrative omniscience, so this statement after his frosty welcome to Dragonstone seems like a pretty clear threat that if Jon doesn't submit to her, he and the Northmen will die. 

She also makes it clear that she sees Torrhen's vow (if a vow can even be considered legitimate when it's given under threat of death) as still valid despite the fact that this is centuries old history that she nor Jon had any choice in. When he refuses, she levies the accusation that he is somehow breaking faith with House Targaryen, despite the fact that according to feudal law, the Mad King very clearly broke faith with House Stark by nearly executing all of the men in the family. 

This is the first moment where Jon actually pushes back against Dany's claims and points out that it was clearly House Targaryen that broke faith, and Daenerys admits some guilt on her father's behalf but asks that he forgive this crime and not judge a daughter by the sins of her father. That would be a halfway decent concession for her to make, were it not for the fact that it's buffered by two implications that Jon is responsible for an oath that his ancestor swore as well as responsible for the fact that his father was best friends with someone who attempted to kill her. 

Her next attempt at winning Jon's allegiance is even stranger. She claims that House Targaryen and House Stark were allies for centuries, when the obvious reality is that they were unwillingly subjugated by House Targaryen and the Iron Throne for the entire time. She also calls them centuries of peace and prosperity, which they very clearly and objectively were not. Westeros has never been particularly peaceful, but it's also never been as chaotic as it was during the reign of the Targaryens. She also somewhat hilariously presents him with the offer of Warden of the North, as if that were a prize to be won for him and not an obvious downgrade in terms of his status among his people and in Westeros in general. 

Jon refuses in a pretty fair retort, explaining that he isn't beholden to his ancestors vows and Daenerys isn't guilty of her father's crimes. It's interesting though, because Daenerys is frustrated by this. It's somewhat understandable that she'd be frustrated by the fact that Jon isn't bending the knee, but it's also intersting that she is frustrated by something that is an objectively fair propisition that puts both she and Jon on equal footing with one another. Throughout their conversation it's been clear that she does not see things that way, she expects Jon to bend the knee because someone who isn't him made a vow, but she doesn't expect to be held guilty for her father's crimes because it wasn't her doing. 

When Jon says that he needs Dany's help and she needs his, her response here is very telling as well. Clearly she's flexing because she wants to be perceived as intimidating by everyone she meets, but what's curious is that she automatically disbelieves that she could need Jon's help when he hasn't even explained what she needs his help for. It's extremely telling because she is already in a mental position where she believes that nothing and no one could possibly pose any kind of threat to her. 

Jon's engagement with the conversation takes an interesting turn here, because even after everything that has been said and done so far, he tells Daenerys that she is at least better than Cersei because she hasn't attacked King's Landing yet. While that is technically true and feels slightly more on par with the heroic Dany that everyone has seen so far, what the audience does already know is that she hasn't just decided not to attack King's Landing, she's been convinced not to attack King's Landing. Thus far, this is the only positive thing that Jon has said about her, and the viewers already know that it's false. 

Jon, ever the wordsmith, tries to immediately apprise Daenerys of the gravity of the situation in the worst way possible by likening the game of thrones to children playing a game screaming that the rules aren't fair. But again, it's interesting that, even though Tyrion corrects her afterwards, Daenerys is offended that Jon is calling HER a child. And it seems that honestly, Dany has no interest in what Jon is saying to her so long as it's not about her and her right to rule Westeros. 

What's also really bizarre here about Daenerys and Tyrion's behavior is that when he starts explaining what's going on with the army of the dead, they are both apathetic and disbelieving, despite the fact that Melisandre told them to summon Jon Snow because something big was coming and Jon knew more about it than almost anyone. It's possible that they were suspicious that it was some kind of trap or ruse, but it's strange that they both act so clueless and uncaring when they've both already been told that Jon was going to show up and tell them some wild shit. 

The dialog exchange gets really bizarre at this point, because instead of actually responding to anything that Jon said, Dany goes off on a tangent that essentially sums up to the idea that she believes in nothing but herself and it's her destiny to rule Westeros. It seems so off topic that it's hard to even understand what the writers were trying to convey here, but the only thing that I can possibly comprehend is that they're essentially trying to make it clear that after everything Jon has said and done, Daenerys is still thinking of nothing more than her destined birthright. 

And once again, we're all meant to see a contrast here because Davos intercedes and counters with the idea that if it's Dany's destiny to be queen, then all of Jon's accomplishments were his destiny too. This is interesting for two reasons though. The first is obvious, that Jon isn't the type to talk himself up or behave in a remotely entitled way, and that he doesn't command respect but earns it.

However, this points out something else interesting that is easy to overlook throughout this exchange. Daenerys is extremely forthcoming about herself, her accomplishments, and what she believes is her right, but Jon hasn't offered up any information about himself willingly. It's an understandable strategic tactic, there is no reason to offer up information to a potential enemy, but the fact is that this conversation clearly has confirmed in his mind that Daenerys is still a very possible enemy. 

And unfortunately for both of them, as Jon and Dany's first ever conversation concludes, Daenerys actually confirms that Jon is her enemy, claims that he is in open rebellion against her, and takes him prisoner while refusing to admit that she's actually taking him prisoner. 

Jon's conversation with Tyrion later is even more interesting. Because Jon directly calls out the fact that he's a prisoner, and Tyrion tries to claim the exact same thing that Dany did, that he's not a prisoner based on the incredibly frail technicality that Dany did not directly tell him that he was a prisoner. But even more importantly, this is an obvious instance where Tyrion could have told Jon that his message to him was intentionally misleading and Daenerys's aggression towards him may have been partially his fault, but he doesn't, nor does he explain this at any point later. 

Another interesting element to their conversation is that Tyrion tells Jon that he actually does believe him about the army of the dead. It's interesting because, if that were the case, why did he so clearly tag-team Jon in his first meeting with Daenerys? Perhaps it took him a moment of thought to actually understand what Jon was saying and come around to believing him, but it's interesting that the writers had a character who was familiar with Daenerys and Jon who could easily have mediated between them and didn't have him mediate. 

Tyrion also makes mention of the fact that children are not their fathers, luckily for all of us. While this is just a one off line and potentially means nothing, it's also a potentially very telling one because, honestly, Jon and Tyrion are very much like their fathers. Jon has idolized Ned for his entire life and desperately wants to be his father, and despite all of his attempts to distance himself from Tywin, Tyrion is clearly the Lannister child who is the most similar to his own father. So the subtext there about none of them being their fathers when even at this point two out of three of them are incredibly similar to their fathers specifically, seems like it could be very obvious foreshadowing.

But probably the most intriguing and noticeably strange aspect of Jon's conversation with Tyrion is that Tyrion explains to him that asking for Daenerys's help against an enemy she doesn't even believe is real is not a reasonable thing to ask. However, literally everything that Tyrion and Daenerys have asked of Jon so far has been wildly unreasonable to ask. Daenerys has asked a complete stranger to bend the knee to someone he's never met or even seen before, and she has essentially taken him hostage when he refused instead of just trying to convince him to do so. Jon even offers her an incredibly easy way in, he asks for her help, and if she provides it it's obvious that he and the rest of the Northmen would be much more open to the idea of her as their queen, but rather than even hearing Jon out she takes a seemingly desperate person as her prisoner with the clear intent of holding him there until he bends the knee. 

When Tyrion convinces Daenerys to give Jon the dragonglass he requires, Daenerys makes her first attempt to actually relate to Jon on a personal level. It's once again interesting that Daenerys brings up the loss of her two brothers and relates it to Jon's loss of his brothers, because Jon offers literally nothing in return. 

But what seems to be more relevant is Dany's position that everyone enjoys what they're good at and Jon saying that he doesn't. Once again, because the audience has the luxury of seeing Jon's entire journey thus far, it's easy to see why he feels this way. However, this seems to be another opportunity to point out the way in which Jon and Dany contrast each other, not to point out the ways in which they're similar to one another. 

It's interesting that Melisandre claims that she has brought ice and fire together at the beginning of the episode. Aside from being a nice nod to the original text, it also positions Jon and Daenerys as opposing forces instead of united ones. And these constant contrasts that are being brought up from the instant that they meet seem extremely relevant to their relationship to one another, but the fact that Dany enjoys what she's good at while Jon doesn't seems to be the most vital bit of information that the show conveys about Jon and Dany right off the bat. Because there really are so many parallels between what they're good at. Much of Jon and Dany's journeys thus far have been about fighting from the bottom to get to the top, winning people over, and trying to kill their enemies before their enemies can kill them. However, many of the things that Jon seems to dislike about leadership the most seem to be things that Daenerys actually does genuinely enjoy. 

It's safe to say that their very first meeting wasn't all that many fans were hoping for, however it seems like in the brutally short timeline of the final two seasons of Game of Thrones, the writers felt that the most important thing to establish between Jon and Daenerys right off the bat was not some sort of chemistry or romantic interest, but was the idea that these two people are diametrically opposed to one another in every way that matters. Despite the fact that their character arcs have had so many parallels thus far, the first episode where Jon and Daenerys actually meet seems to be designed to establish that everything about their personalities, dispositions, and overall ideals are on opposite ends of the spectrum, which was truly just the first gigantic step in establishing a romantic relationship that seems muddled, disjointed, and generally hard to follow and comprehend.

[kimberly-spirits13]

Right Hand Man (Loyal to the End) Pt. 3

Pairing: Damian Wayne x reader

Synopsis: You were like Talia’s daughter. The only thing was that you weren’t and instead, you had grown up in the foster care system and at a young age were taken by and personally trained by Talia. Along the way, you meet Damian and the two of you start to work side by side and eventually, after some time become closer and closer. However, when disaster in the league strikes, you face balancing an old, forgotten life as a normal child and the burden of right hand to the demon heir.

Note: I know that this is long and that there are a good number of time skips, but I didn’t want to make this into a series and just wanted it as a long fic because .... well because I can lol

Also, I didn’t want to have Damian so young in this so just go with it. I’m thinking maybe early 15 or almost 16 at the most. Idk I just don’t like writing for young Dami.

Warnings: mentions of murder, blood, brief mentions of torture but not for long

Word Count: 1836

Pt.1

       You boarded the jet that was to take you to Italy. Looking back at Damian, the two of you exchanged quick nods and you headed into the cockpit. After a few minutes, the flight had taken off and you were on your way to Italy. As always you had promised to return with a song. It was something that he could have that wasn’t assigned or approved of by his mother. You understood that well. Sitting back, you sighed just a bit and got your mind into the game.

Damian’s POV:

        It wasn’t a rare thing for you to leave on missions. You did every month or so. It was just that things seemed to be even more of a task around the compound. Training’s vigor was more noticeable. Classes were more boring. The food and company were terrible. The list went on and on when you left. It did improve greatly when you came back most of the time however. The rare nights that you got back and were injured were some of the scariest. You took the worst blows for your team. It was what made you the best leader he’d ever met.

        On the nights that Damian saw you being taken to the infirmary practically bleeding out stayed in his nightmares from day one. Talia would try and make him leave since she knew that he typically reacted strongly to it no matter how hard he tried to hide it. He’d worry all night about you until you were back on the training field. The one night he lost it was when you almost died. It was so bad they had to use the pit. He could hear you screaming and knew that you would have rather died. It was a way that the league would torture you. If you messed up, they’d put you in front of a film showing all of your mistakes. After that, you would be nearly dead once they tried to bleed you out and thrown into the pit by yourself. The next day when no one was looking, he pulled you into a massive hug. It’s never been discussed since.

        Now he was alone training. His sparring partner was in Italy on a mission without him. It was too quiet in the room now. Damian’s thoughts ran wild as he imagined what might happen while you were in Italy. He knew that there was something that you knew about this turmoil in the league that you were hiding. He suspected that it was on his mother’s demands. Besides, if it was a serious danger, you would say something. At least, he thought you would.

        Looking up at the clock that was hanging high on the wall, he was taken from his thoughts be the time. Damian picked up his bag and left for his class that he would be late for if he didn’t rush. Talia would never approve of that. Throughout the rest of the day, he was distracted by the thought of your absence. Though, he’d never admit it. Sitting on the rooftop alone was strange. He almost expected you to join him at any moment preferring the comfortable silence and ease that came with you during these times. He found no point in staying much longer since he couldn’t relax and eventually headed to bed early.

Your POV:

        It was night time in Italy. You had scouted the convention and knew all of the points that the targets could get in and out. Going over the plan one last time with your team, you had the map of the building on the desk between everyone.

        ���Beta, you take target two, make sure that no one of importance leaves alive.” You had explained, “Regroup at the jet once you’ve finished your task. If you’re not back by the end of the hour, find your own transportation to the compound.” “Is everyone clear on the objective?”

        The group nodded, “Yes General.”

“Good, we will not be having the issues that were with last mission’s assigned team.”

        You folded the map and put it into a compartment in your belt before leaving with the rest of the team and splitting up into groups. This mission was going to be easy in all regards. You had entered the dressing room of your target. The rest of the squad was taking care of the security on the outside. Breaking communication was the most important aspect of the starting phase. This way no one would know if anything was going on. You watched the security team of the foreign diplomat. They were in formation even here. Their weapons were advanced but nothing you wouldn’t be able to handle. The song of an American movie played in the background on their phone. You knew it was something from a Disney musical.

      “Tightrope!” You thought remembering that you’d never gotten the chance to relay the song to Damian, “Hopefully the timing of the song isn’t ill placed with everything going on behind the curtains.” “Focus Y/N, you’re on a mission, not at a concert.”

      Without a moment’s notice, you hit the signal button on your communicator and then threw in a poison dart into all of the guards. There was a sudden clamor as men started dropping. You smirked some seeing the substance work before coming behind the diplomat and ending him with an injection of a stronger substance sure to end him before giving one more dose of a different chemical to insure the death of all.

      You saw that your team was finished and packed back up with the team before heading out.

“Report.” You demanded once getting to the jet on the coms.

“Mission was successful, heading to meet up now.” The squads confirmed.

“Well done to all sides.”

Careful to remember the song, you played it on repeat in your mind as you boarded the jet and took off. Ultimately, you were glad to be sleeping in your own bed tonight if you had the chance to sleep after reports were made to Talia and that the team was competent. You wanted to groan thinking about not sleeping tonight. You were bone tired but knew that the show must go on. Otherwise you’d be severely punished. No sleep was better than the pit.

Upon arrival, Talia met you at the landing pad as usual.

“Report.” She said with a better demeanor seeing you not covered head to toe in blood and rain.

“The mission was a success. All parties were taken out without alerting anyone with the approved weapon of choice.” “No intervention from myself was needed.” You said giving a very, very brief rundown before you’d have to relay the entire mission to her later.

“Good. Report to your rooms. General, I expect you in the briefing room in forty minutes.”

“Yes Talia.”

You saw that Damian was coming from down the hallway. He was later than usual but none the less, you were glad to see him. Even if you’d never admit it.

Damian’s POV:

        Damian ran down the hallway upon seeing the jet land. He knew to slow down when the hall would become populated and he’d be exposed so he did. However, the moment that no one was around, he was running again. Damian heard his mother and slowed to a walking pace, taking back his proper stance and commanding look.

        “Yes Talia.” He heard you say before you walked past her and towards him.

        He was glad to see you ... not drenched in blood. From your blood or someone else’s for that matter. You almost glistened in the moon light as you did on the roof tops. Though, he’d never seen you in mission gear like this for some reason. You looked like the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

        “Damian.” You nodded walking to him.

        “Y/N. I am pleased to see you not covered in blood and rain.” He commented smirking just a bit.

        “Very funny demon. The feeling is mutual.” You replied.

        He turned and watched you walk down the hall before going to the roof tops after talking with Talia. Damian knew that you wouldn’t be joining him tonight, however he was ready whenever you did.

_______________________________________________________________________

        That day almost never came. With what you had taken on with the new rank, you were always busy well into the night. Damian hated it. You almost hated it too. You loved the nights on the rooftop. Slowly, you tried to get back on better sleep but tonight you just wanted the stars and the mountains. That was it.

        Over the past few weeks, you had hardly had any time to talk. Even during training for some part was spent with recruits instead of him. You both hated it. For the first time it felt like you were away from a mission but still there. Damian thought that you were too busy for him most of the time so he just didn’t make the attempt to talk to you. You thought that he was going for space for a while so you didn’t push anything. Eventually, you were sick of it though and decided to head to the roof.

        You climbed to the top noticing that Damian was already there. Carefully, you sat next to him, legs hanging off the side of the structure.

        “I assumed you would not come tonight.” He commented.

        “I do not blame you. I’ve been ... extremely busy as of late with this new roll.” You sighed laying down on the roof.

        He didn’t say anything for a little while and just enjoyed being able to relax in a place other than maybe his chamber. You enjoyed the silence for a while before he did finally say something.

        “Did you come back with a song?” Damian asked glancing at you some.

        “As always.” “And do you still want to hear it?”

        “Of course.” He rolled his eyes some at your answer.        

        You started with the song ditching the higher notes as to not be too loud. He knew you could hit them and he knew that you dodged them. He’d heard you before as Talia wanted you to be able to sing for some unknown reason. When you weren’t training as a child or in schooling, you were doing that with a professor. The two of you sat there for a while just admiring the view.

        “I should be going off to bed now.” You said, “I have a lingering feeling tomorrow will be long.”

        “I understand.” Damian stood with you and headed for his bedroom.

        “I expect to see you at afternoon training tomorrow? I don’t have as many responsibilities tomorrow.”

        Damian almost smiled, “Of course.”

        You headed to your room and plopped into the bed. It was going to be a long day tomorrow. No matter how much you couldn’t wait to see Damian more, something told you not to get your hopes up. Before being totally consumed by your thoughts, you drifted to sleep.

Tag List:

@idkmanicantenglish

[twomoonstwosuns]

valentine’s day.

back to you [series masterlist]

previous part · next part

pairing: professor!poe dameron x reader

warnings: swearing, pure sweet cheesy af fluff for literally the entire thing

word count: 4.8k lol oops

a/n: eee, here it is! i really hope this lives up to expectations because i really agonized over trying to make this perfect. feedback would be so greatly appreciated.

also shout-out to @myrandom-fandomlife for giving me the help to kickstart my brain and get this written <3

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You felt lighter than you had in weeks.

The semester was going well. Graduation was just a few months away. Your sister Tallie announced she was pregnant, her baby coming in the fall. The only thing that had the potential to turn your mood was Poe, but even that had been going well.

You talked more. You hadn’t been over to his place since he bent you over his table the previous week, but you were talking to him nearly everyday. You texted often and stayed up way too late talking to him. You were enjoying it, but you knew you had to be cautious as you fell deeper into attachment.

With Valentine’s Day just a few days away, you began to wonder if you’d be spending it with Poe. You weren’t together, much to your chagrin for fear of putting your heart on the line and being turned down, but people had sex on Valentine’s Day. Maybe you’d at least get that. You tried not to dwell on it too much, but Poe made it increasingly difficult to not think about it…or him. He had spent the majority of the day sending you the most ridiculous pick-up lines, having heard one that morning at his favorite coffee shop that made him cringe with how bad it was. Whether it was a joke or not, he didn’t know, but he found the most ridiculous ones on the Internet and sent them to you, if anything just to brighten your day and make you laugh.

You had just dropped a book off at the library and were heading towards the university center to meet up with your roommates when a car flashed its brights at you. You stopped when they did it again and it took you a minute to realize it was Poe’s car. You made your way over, hearing the soft whir of his window going down.

“Hey, what’re you doing here?” you asked as you leaned in, the warmth from the car’s heater fanning your face. “I thought you had that mixer thing tonight?”

“I’m on my way, I just had to grab something from my office. Then I saw you and just wanted to say hi.”

You could just see him, the cover of darkness providing the perfect shield for your meeting. The smell of his cologne filled the car and you realized it was different but just as distinctive than the one he wore everyday. You narrowed your eyes when you noticed the tension in his shoulders.

“You don’t want to go, do you?”

“Not really.” He admitted with a humorless laugh.

“Could you skip it? I can’t imagine sucking up to department heads is very fun.”

“It’s not, and as much as I want to, I can’t. Snoke’s retiring and they’re looking to find his replacement before the fall semester. There are a lot of people that will be there that I have to impress if I want to be considered.”

“Do you want to be considered?”

Poe nodded, the knot of nerves in his stomach tightening. “It’s just a rumor right now, but word is that President Organa’s already got a small list of people she’s considering to replace him and I’m on it.”

You gaped, a smile forming on your face.

“Poe, that’s amazing. They’d be stupid not to pick you.” You placed your hand on this shoulder. “You have to get going and I have a move to catch, so neither of us have time to listen to me tell you all the reasons why you’d be the best option, but just know you are. And although I may be a little biased, I’m also usually right.”

Poe smiled appreciatively, the support making him feel a little more ready. Of course he’d talked to his dad and his close friends about it, receiving the same encouragement, but it meant so much coming from you.

“So, what’d you think of the pick-up lines I sent you?” He asked, changing the subject. You giggled.

“I thought they were great but my roommates think you can do better, so we spent an hour after class googling pick-up lines,” you explained, making Poe chuckle warmly. “I’m definitely going to blame you for not getting anything done the rest of the week.”

“That’s what I’m here for.”

“I did actually like some of them. They were cheesy as hell, but some of them were pretty cute. And the dirty ones were good too.”

“I have one more if you want to hear it.” You nodded enthusiastically. “Do you have any raisins?”

“Did you just say raisins?” you asked incredulously. Poe gave you a pointed look that told you to just answer the question. “Ok fine, um…no?”

“Then how ‘bout a date?”

You threw your head back and barked out a laugh. “That’s a good one. Very smooth.”

“Y/N?”

“Yes?”

“How about a date? Saturday night?”

You froze, unsure if you heard him right, but the way he was observing you with hope told you that you heard every word correct. You couldn’t help the smile that grew bigger with each second you took to process Poe’s words.

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes, I’ll go on a date with you.” you repeated with a grin, your smile disappearing when you felt your phone buzzing incessantly in your pocket. With five minutes until the movie started, you knew it was your roommates wondering where you were. You glanced at the clock. “I have to get going and so do you. Try not to die of boredom.”

“I’ll text you.”

“You better.”

You took two steps away from Poe’s car when you decided to turn back. You knocked on the window, giving Poe an apologetic smile when he jumped in surprise. The window rolled down once again and you leaned in to press a gentle kiss on his cheek.

“I can’t wait,” you said softly, taking a few steps back as your cheeks heated up. The way he was smiling at you was turning your insides to mush. “Good luck tonight.”

Poe’s soft gaze stayed on you until he couldn’t see you anymore. If he had room to punch in the air in victory, he would have. Meanwhile, you felt like you were sixteen again, like the boy you had a crush on for months asked you to the big dance. The smile stayed on your face for the entire movie, while the one on Poe’s face lingered for throughout the party.

》 》 》

Dress warm. I’ll pick you up at 8.

Nervous was an understatement. You paced in the lobby of your apartment building, your hands practically sweating through your gloves.

If this date didn’t go well, that would be it for the two of you.

“Stop psyching yourself out,” Jessika had told you just moments before. “You guys already have this amazing connection, it’s gonna take something short of admitting to a murder for this not to go well.”

She was right, of course, but this wasn’t just any guy. This was Poe, someone you’d come to care for greatly in the last few months.

It had to go well.

Poe pulled up at exactly 8 o’clock and you snuck into his car, speeding off before anyone could see, like an undercover mission. “So, where are we going?”

“You’ll see. It’s not too far from here.”

You narrowed your eyes and studied Poe, looking for any clues in his facial expression that could somehow spill where you were going. He kept his face neutral, a small hint of a smile on his face. “Mysterious. Ok. How’d the mixer go the other night?”

“Good. Not to sound conceited but I think President Organa likes me.”

“Of course she does.”

Poe winked and you rolled your eyes with an amused smirk on your face. The soft music in the car filled the silence, neither of you quite knowing what to say. You wrung your hands in your lap as nervous butterflies flapped around in your stomach.

“You seem nervous.” Poe said, his hand coming off of the steering wheel and covering yours in comfort. You immediately stopped fidgeting.

“Is it weird that I am?” You asked.

“No. I am too.”

Your confession gave him a boost of confidence. He felt he had gone the extra mile to make this night special, to show his true intentions of what he wanted out of this. He hoped you’d see it and want it as much as he did. Knowing you were just as nervous as he was showed you cared about this going well just as much as he did.

He pulled his hand away to steer his car into a parking spot. His was the only car in the lot, not that it was surprising. Cold and dark winter nights didn’t exactly bring a lot of people out to wander around a park for fun. Poe opened his door, but your hand on his arm stopped him. “I’m nervous, but I’m really happy we’re doing this.”

He gave you an easy half smile, the one that made him so effortlessly striking.

“Me too,” he said, covering your hand with his. “Come on.”

You got out of his car and finally realized you were at Canto Park. It was unrecognizable at first due to the darkness of the night and the lack of people, but you recognized the streetlights that lit up the walkways when you got a closer look. Poe handed something to you and it took a minute in the dark to see that they were a pair of skates.

“We’re skating?” you asked in surprise, completely caught off-guard. You were expecting dinner and a movie at his apartment, the options for doing anything together extremely limited. “This is not going to end well, just so you know.”

“You’ll be fine,” Poe assured you. “Have you ever rollerbladed?”

“When I was like thirteen.”

“Then this’ll be fun. I’ll help you.” You couldn’t help but become a little anxious. The chance of you making a fool out of yourself was very high.

The park was eerily quiet but peaceful, the only sound crunching underneath your feet. The man-made ice rink was lit up with bright lights that nearly blinded you with its sharp contrast to the inky black sky.

“I don’t think we’re supposed to be here,” you said with a smirk as you sat down on the bench next to the ice rink. “I’m pretty sure the park closes when it gets dark.”

“Better be prepared to run if we get caught then.”

“I’m flattered you think I’ll be able to skate, let alone run in skates.”

Poe finished tying up his skates and as you tied up your left one, he scooted closer to you and brought your right foot into his lap.

“What’re you doing?” you asked.

“Making sure you tied them right,” he winked. You gave him a dry, sarcastic laugh as he grabbed the foot you had just finished with. With his seal of approval, Poe helped you up and over to the ice. You gripped the wall until you were sure you had your balance. Like riding a bike, the familiar movement of gliding came back, although you wobbled like a newborn colt with fresh legs because it had been nearly ten years since you did anything like this. Poe did a lap around the rink as you glared at him.

“Show-off!” you called after him, hearing him laugh from the other side of the rink. “Let me guess, you played hockey?”

“Only for fun.” Poe answered, slowing down as he approached you. “I was more into music than sports in high school. I was in a band, though.”

“College professor by day, rock star by night? It’s like modern day Indiana Jones. What kind of music did you play?”

Poe smirked at the reference. “Rock, pop, alternative, whatever you want to call it. We called ourselves The Resistance. It’s how I met my friends Finn and Rey. Still best friends to this day.”

“Do you guys still play?”

“Individually maybe, but together no, we left that back in high school. We had a demo of songs that somehow got into the hands of someone over at Skywalker Records, but we weren’t interested.”

“You didn’t want to be a rock star?”

“Sure I did, but I had other things I wanted to do more. Finn and Rey did too.”

“The Air Force?” Poe gave you a curious look. “The tattoo on your back. I recognize the symbol.”

“My dad was in the Air Force. I got the tattoo for him. I almost enrolled right out of high school, but then my dad got sick.” You gave him a sympathetic look. “He’s fine now, but instead of enlisting I went to college and I worked to be able to stay home and help him out.”

“You guys are close.” You observed.

“Very.” He wanted to tell you why, but didn’t want to bring the mood down anymore with the story of his mother. “What about you? Sports, music?”

You told him how you played soccer as a kid through an amateur league in your hometown. You played up until high school, making the varsity team your freshman year but taken out of the game indefinitely during your first game from a severe knee injury. You told him while you loved music, you participated in choir during high school not because you could sing, but so you could hang out with your friends.

While the conversation was entertaining, you stumbling around on the ice was not.  Poe thought it was though, as he tried walking you through it step by step, giving you tips on how to keep your balance by focusing on one spot in the distance and not moving your eyes from it. Of course your mind chose Poe to focus on, but every little movement he made, especially when he was close to you, grabbed your attention, which made you unable to concentrate. You were having fun even though you were slightly embarrassed about your lack of coordination. You’d miraculously had not fallen, but you bumped into the wall and crashed into it whenever you had to stop yourself.

“Ok, new idea. Let’s try one more thing.” Poe said, turning so he was facing you. He grabbed your hands to make sure you were steady before moving backwards, pulling you with him. “Don’t look down, eyes on me. Now talk about something.”

“Like what?” You were finding it extremely difficult to focus on anything at all except your hands in Poe’s and the impending doom of rolling your ankle at any second.  

“Anything.” He said, turning so he was facing you and skating backwards. “Tell me something not a lot of people know.”

You hummed as you thought about his question. “I seriously considered going to school for photography.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Same reason you’re not a famous musician. I had other dreams and it’s a hard industry to make a career in. It’s probably better as a hobby anyway, I can’t get mad when something doesn’t go right because I’m not under any obligation to be successful.”

“What do you photograph?”

“Anything. I’ve done some senior pictures over the past few summers when I’ve been home. I’ve done some engagement photos, pregnancy announcements. I like to think I’m really good at those black and white hipster photographs of nature and stuff.”

“You’ll have to show me sometime.”

“I always keep my portfolio with me, just in case. I’ll bring it by next time.”

Next time.The promise of a second date. Poe smiled down at you and then looked over your shoulder with a soft chuckle.

“What?” You followed his gaze and your jaw dropped. You had skated from one end of the rink to the other without almost falling.  “Oh my god, I made it!” You laughed happily. Poe smiled at your excitement.

“I told you you’d be fine.”

You were practically bouncing in excitement. You pushed forward, gaining speed and catching up with Poe when you suddenly fell onto your butt when your skate hit a loose chunk of ice.

“Damn it, I was doing so well!”  You exclaimed, holding your arms out in front of you. “Help me up?”

Poe pulled you up with ease, gripping your forearms when you nearly slipped again.

“You good?”

You nodded with breathless laugh, your eyes meeting his. The sudden urge to kiss him consumed you and you glanced down at his lips. Poe did the same, the air surrounding you standing so close becoming thick. Your feet suddenly came out from underneath you and you ended up on the ice with a hard thump. Poe laughed loudly and you couldn’t help but laugh with him at your clumsiness.

“Ok, I think that’s enough skating for you.” Poe said, holding out his hand. You lay back onto the ice with your eyes closed, arms out on either side of you in defeat.

“Nope, I’m done, not moving. I’ll die here.”

Poe grabbed your arms, hauling you up before crouching down to the ice, urging you to get on his back. “Come on, I’ll give you a ride back.”

You hesitated a second before wrapping your arms around his neck. He gripped the back of your thighs tightly as he picked up speed, taking a quick detour to do a lap before taking you back to the bench. You squealed in delight at his sudden burst of speed, the wind whipping your hair. You held on tightly, not letting go until you were being lowered onto the bench. Before you could start unlacing your skates, Poe was doing it for you, being gentle as he slid the skates off in case you hurt your ankle.

“If photography doesn’t work out, I don’t recommend skating as a back-up plan.” Poe teased, and you shoved his chest playfully as you grabbed your boots. You handed Poe his and then the skates, but he pushed them back towards you. “Keep them for next time.”

“You’re going to make me do that again?!”

Poe took your hand and you walked back towards his car, both taking it slow as your legs were exhausted.

“You’ll be a pro by the time I’m done with you.”

You sincerely doubted that, but didn’t want to tell Poe it’d be useless after seeing him so excited to try and teach you. It’s not like you wouldn’t mind trying again if it meant spending more time with Poe.

From relearning how to skate to the conversation, time had flown by and it was nearing ten o’clock. As he drove, you couldn’t help but hope your date wasn’t over despite it getting late. When he took the familiar route to his apartment, you were ecstatic.

He led you inside, itching to grab your hand but knowing there were too many possibilities of someone seeing it. Whether or not they went to school or knew he was a professor and you a student, the night was going too well to risk it. When Poe unlocked his apartment door, your jaw dropped.

The lights to inside were dimmed. A bouquet of roses sat in the middle of the wooden table that had been used not so innocently just last week, with a bottle of wine and two glasses. You scoffed in disbelief as he led you in.

“Wow,” you breathed, still taken aback. “Is this what you did all day?”

“Yeah. I cooked too, if you’re hungry. It just needs to be warmed up.”

You were speechless. Poe had really gone all out. You were secretly happy he had been the one to ask you out and not the other way around, as there was no way you could’ve come up with something to rival what he came up with in a few days. While he dealt with the food, you begged him for something to do to help him out. He insisted he had it but had you open up the bottle of wine.

“Where’s Beebs tonight?” you asked as you twisted the wine opener into the cork, looking around the apartment and not seeing him or any of his toys lying around.

“He’s at a friend’s house.” You glanced up at Poe, giving him a weird look. “No seriously, he’s down the hall at my neighbor Mr. Frick’s. He has a dog named Zorii that Beebs likes to play with. He lives alone, so I think he likes having two dogs to keep him company.”

“Have you done that every time I’ve come over?”

“Sometimes. Other times I usually put him in the guest room when people are here. I love him to death, but he’s nosy. He just gets so excited when people are over and not all of them like him jumping up on them. Not to mention I didn’t want him worried about the noises you were making.”

You understood, having had a dog growing up that had to be kept in a room when you had birthday parties and sleepovers. You were also surprised at how hyper-focused you must’ve been to get Poe naked that you didn’t realize that Beebs hadn’t really been around whenever you were there. You made a mental note to pick up something special for Beebs for being so tolerant of you and Poe’s frequent activities.

You handed Poe a glass, gently clinking yours against his before taking a sip. You noticed he had also lit some candles, adding to the romantic ambiance of his apartment.

“I keep meaning to ask you,” you said as you walked over to a cabinet that held a record player that had caught your eye many times before. “Does this work or is it just for show?”

You waited for an answer, but instead Poe walked over to you, reaching over your shoulder to grab a record. He practically boxed you in, the close proximity of him brushing up against you making you buzz excitedly. He grabbed a record and soon enough the slow strums of an acoustic guitar filled his apartment. Between the flickering candles and the smell of delicious food was filling the apartment, you were in awe.

“Dance with me?”

You set your wine glass down, your heart thundering in your chest. You knew Poe was sweet, but this was turning into the kind of date you thought only existed in movies. You were absolutely swooning and it was only the first date. You’d never been romanced this hard by anyone you dated. You took his outstretched hand and he pulled you into him. The position was familiar, you’d been in this exact stance with him many times, but his touch was soft, not lustful, like he was holding something truly precious. His hand was on your waist, the other holding your hand between your chests, holding you close. Any chill that lingered from your outdoor adventure was long gone. You were warm with adoration.

“What’re you thinking about?” Poe asked softly, bringing your attention back to him.

“The music, the candles, the dancing…it’s all so romantic.”

“Is that such a bad thing?”

“Not at all.” You swallowed, suddenly feeling nervous again. “I just really thought I missed my chance for this.”

Poe pulled back just enough to give you a questioning look.  

“I wanted to ask you out last weekwhen you told me about your date,” you confessed, and Poe felt his chest tighten with a little bit of guilt. It read on his face and you shook your head. “Don’t. I should’ve told you not to go, or to go out with me instead, but I chickened out. My feelings have been all over the place the last few weeks and after that night I cried on your couch…”

“Yeah, me too.” He didn’t need to elaborate. You knew he felt the dynamic change that night as well. “Since we’re being honest, I only agreed to that date to try and forget how much I was thinking about you. This whole arrangement we have—“

“Not really working for me anymore,” you interrupted, Poe nodding his head in agreement. “But this? This is what I want. Even if I come out of this with a bruised ass.”

“I could say something about bruises on your ass, but we’re having a nice moment.”

Your shoulders shook with quiet laughter, your head dropping down onto Poe’s chest. He hugged you to him once again, his cheek resting against your head.

“Did you have fun tonight?” Poe asked, his tone suddenly unsure. You looked up at him concernedly. “Even though you fell a bunch of times?”

You went to answer him, but he kept talking.

“I know we don’t have a lot of options for dates because we’re technically not allowed to date, but—“

You put your free hand on his cheek, silencing him and bringing his attention down to you.

“This was the best first date I’ve ever been on,” you assured him and he smiled softly as your thumbs gently ran over his cheeks. “And it’s ok if we don’t have options. We’ll make it work. I just want to be with you.”

Poe let go of your hand, allowing his to fall at your waist. His eyes searched yours, brown eyes sparkling with warmth from the candles looking for any hint that you didn’t mean it. He found none and you stood up on your tiptoes, guiding yourself to him with the hand on his cheek, meeting his lips at the same time as he met yours.

He’d never kissed you like this before. Your lips molded together perfectly, already familiar with one another, but it was soft and light with nothing behind it except being in the moment. It took your breath away. You pulled away at the same time and it took you a minute for you to open your eyes.

The beeping of the oven pulled you apart. You reluctantly let go of Poe, grabbing your wine glass while Poe dished up the food. He suggested eating on the couch instead and your achy muscles couldn’t have agreed more. You made yourself comfortable on his couch as Poe ran to get Beebs before it got much later, both of you having severely lost track of the time. Although the dog was happy to see you again, he ran right into Poe’s room to sleep, tuckered out from a night of playing with another dog.

It didn’t surprise you that Poe was a decent cook and you made sure to let him know as you ate. How he managed to plan everything from the date to the food, you had no idea.

“You said earlier that you and Finn and Rey might still play individually. Do you?”

Poe shrugged. “Occasionally. I find myself mostly playing when I get really stressed. It’s relaxing.”

“Do you play for Beebs?”

“No, but he’ll sometimes lay next to me while I play, so I guess maybe a little bit.”

“Will you play for me?”

“Someday.” Poe was already thinking through all the different songs he could sing to you.

“So you skate, you cook, supposedly sing, and dance. What can’t you do?”

“Water ski.” Poe answered and you gasped theatrically, which turned into a loud laugh. “I’m serious! I’ve never been able to stand up.”

“I’ll teach you. It won’t hurt as bad as ice skating.”

Poe moved the dishes onto the coffee table, bringing your legs into his lap.

“Will you stay tonight?” Poe asked, giving your leg a squeeze. “No sex on the first date, I promise. We’ll do this right. There have been too many times I’ve wanted you to stay but didn’t ask you. But if you don’t want to, I’ll take you home.”

“I want to stay.”

You and Poe, on his couch, found yourself in the same position you were in a few weeks prior, except sadness and anger were replaced with adoration and bliss and neither of you were holding anything back. You stayed up until the early hours of the morning, just talking. With how much you knew about each other, it felt more like a sixth date than a first date. It was truly amazing how smooth the this transition was, from just sex to dating.

Like you were meant to be doing it all along.

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[ichliebeanimalcrackers]

Secret Love Affair

Yes, I’ve watched another Kdrama and this one is definitely getting added to the “My Favorites” list. I’d describe it like this: if the Palme d’Or could be awarded to a television show, then this one would definitely be in the running (and it would most likely win it). There are 16 episodes but it feels more like a movie and that’s one of the things that makes this drama stand out. I’m not sure where to begin, so I’d like to apologize in advance if this particular opinion piece is all over the place and has no respect for proper punctuation. I had a lot of feelings after watching this drama, and one simply needs to let all of that energy out. With that said, I’m just going to do bullet points because that seems to make sense in this situation lol

Since music is always an essential part of any show/ movie (especially in this case), I have to start with the soundtrack because it’s magnificent. It really is. It fits well with the theme and constantly adds an extra layer of emotion to what’s already happening on the screen. Whenever you hear the end credits waltz, you know something is about to happen and it makes you feel a bit uneasy. “Four Hands” is full of longing and “Affair” is cautious but steady. More often than not, this show uses music to convey emotion in place of a dialogue. One needs to simply listen and look at the characters expressions to understand what’s happening. One of the great things about music is that on some awesome, cosmic level it’s alive and has the power to make us feel and understand things without any words. 

Whenever I watch a show, I like to read the comment section because there are always interesting opinions out there. I was surprised to see that some people thought that the pace of the show was too slow. I certainly respect other people’s opinions, but I personally think that it wouldn’t have made sense if the story kept on jumping from one thing to the next. There was plenty of intrigue throughout the entire series, and I was already feeling nervous 10 minutes into the first episode. It’s a difficult situation to be in, but Sun Jae/ Hye Won met their soulmate. They have finally met their match. They both see each other for who they are and that’s more than enough to fall in love. What’s even more awesome is that something was already there even before they officially met. He briefly saw her at the concert hall and she saw a video of him playing piano (just his hands). Talent recognized talent and the rest is history.

Honestly, I was surprised with her friends. Pleasantly surprised. They already seemed like pretty cool people from the beginning and it was made even more evident as the show progressed. I expected them to scold and alienate her, but they didn’t. They were there for her and even comforted Lee Sun Jae when he had no one else to turn to. I bet they were shocked to learn about the relationship between the two (and the other stuff), but they tried to understand the situation from her point of view and didn’t leave her side when things really went downhill. We can only guess what happened after the events in episode 16, but I really hope that Professor Jo got appointed as the next Dean instead of Oh Hye Won’s husband (Professor Kang)...The man is obviously more qualified, has a good personality, the students respect him and he’s simply a chill guy. 

Speaking of Oh Hye Won’s husband...I feel bad for saying this but that man is just pathetic. Don’t get me wrong, they all have their own flaws but in this case there was nothing that set him apart other than him being totally indifferent unless it had to do with his position in the school hierarchy. He, along with the others, was ready to throw her under the bus for the “greater good” if the situation called for it. At some point in the show, I believe they do mention that they didn’t marry for love and that it was more of a comradeship. This means that they’ve been married for at least 10 or more years and you would think that during that time people would become each other’s support system. Nope, not in this case because the man never cared to begin with and it seems that she’s the one who has always carried the relationship. She definitely works more, she’s a better musician and she’s kind of a legend in this school/ foundation and perhaps that’s why (subconsciously) her husband always felt inferior. Yes, it must hurt to find out that your spouse is having an affair, BUT I don’t think that’s what bothered him so much. I think he was more scared of losing his chance of becoming the next Dean and not being able to mentor Sun Jae (who would definitely further solidify his credibility as a professor). I might be wrong, however, that’s how it seemed to me. There were a couple of other instances when he should’ve taken her side. For example, that scene when she comes back home with a bandaid on her forehead because the psycho lady threw game pieces at her and it cut her skin. A normal person would've been concerned that someone would do that, but he simply brushed it off as if it’s OK that they treated her like that. Ugh, just thinking about it annoys me. 

The cinematography was great. It’s a different style and it stands out from the ones that one would normally see in other dramas. It fits well with the mood of the show. The camera shots from different perspectives, the color and how some of the angles repeat but at different pivotal moments throughout the show added an extra oomph to the overall viewing experience. 

If anything, this show should give people an appreciation for classical music or at least they’ll be able to recognize it whenever they hear it again. I was listening to songs on YouTube Music the other day and a song popped up in the “recommended” category and it was the Rachmaninoff: Rhapsody On A Theme of Paganini, and I immediately thought “Omg! That’s the piece that he plays during the recital!” If it wasn't for this show, I would’ve never known the title of this piece.

The way Sun Jae treats Oh Hye Won. We really do need to take a minute to talk about this because certain details were too precious. Everything was always done with sincerity and without trying to show off in front of the person that he loves. First of all, the way he started mopping the floor when she came to his apartment for the first time. He didn’t let her step onto the floor until it was clean (it already looked pretty clean) and he gave her a towel to clean her hands after she touched the staircase railing that leads to his apartment. How he makes sure that her head doesn’t hit the pipe when they are walking through a construction site/ abandoned building. How he went on a full cleaning/ home improvement mode when she sent him her confession because he wanted this to be a safe place. He changed the lightbulb outside, so it wouldn’t be as dark in the stairwell and he power-washed the concrete stairs. He treats her like she’s the most treasured being he’s ever encountered in his entire life. These actions might not be heroic or grand, but there’s a lot of warmth/ love within them. Oh, I almost forgot to mention the shoes. They way he constantly places and rearranges her shoes. Bonus: the fact that Oh Hye Won listed him in her phone as “Home” and when he sees that...Ahhh! My heart is so full! 

All of the actors were great. The age difference between the two main lead actors is similar to the one of their characters and it made this story more authentic/ believable. I don’t think it would’ve been the same if the actors in real life were the same age but one of them tried to play someone younger/ older. Their chemistry was on point too and they simply look great together.

The fact that they both knew the severity of the situation and the repercussions that might come with it will surely send chills down your spine. It is an extremely risky situation and perhaps more for her than for him but it’s still dangerous. I’ve read a comment where someone mentioned that up until 2015 adultery was punishable by law in SK. After reading that, it certainly put things in perspective. I think they both felt the spark from the very beginning, but Sun Jae was bold enough to be the first one to say that he has feelings for Oh Hye Won. And how difficult it must have been for her to take a chance on something that she wasn’t expecting. The characters know and we as the audience know that there’s no turning back once they take this leap of faith. I mean *shivers* it’s impossible not to feel nervous for these two! Bonus: their first night together. Great choice by the director to only let us hear their conversation while showing spaces in the apartment. It’s their moment and theirs alone.

Something else that I like about this show is that Sun Jae never let others influence his opinion/ stance on the matter at hand. For the most part, he based his opinions on what he was experiencing and what he was able to observe. Of course there were things that he didn’t understand due to his age and perhaps in certain aspects it’s good that he didn’t fully understand, but he certainly wasn’t oblivious. Also, I like that Oh Hye Won  didn’t treat him like a child. She’s older, that’s true, but she wasn’t constantly reminding him of it. Even with the age difference, they are equals and understand each other in a way that’s unique to them. When they had moments of frustration, it wasn’t because one of them felt inferior. It was because they saw the other person hurting and felt helpless for not being able to make it better.

The horrible people that she had to work for. Oh Hye Won is a smart individual, and I’m sure she knew exactly who she was dealing with and the things that they were capable of. Nevertheless, she carried on while keeping her head high without letting things get to her. The thing that frustrates me the most is that this diligent, intelligent, talented person took most of the beating for something that the other party was equally guilty of but most of them were able to walk away unharmed. At the end of the day, they regarded her as a disposable tool and didn’t think anything of it. It’s just unfair. I was glad that at least some of the others who were involved got what they deserved. One must have nerves of steel in order to endure what her character had to go through and not lose one’s dignity in the process. You can’t help but have respect for someone like that. 

As much as I wanted a more Hollywood type ending, I think the writers gave us the most realistic and logical ending. Even though she had to go through all these hardships, she’s finally free from the grasp of those who have never truly valued her. There are still challenges to conquer, but at least she will be in control of her life and all future decisions will be hers. I suppose that in the end she was indeed the true winner.

Sun Jae’s soliloquy at the end *sigh* If that’s not one of the most romantic and heartfelt speeches of all time, then I don’t even know anymore. They’ve always had their own way of communicating, especially through music/ music references, and this one is perfect. I can’t figure out if it’s the same piece that he wrote about in his journal as a kid or if it’s the one that Professor Jo recommends to him or could it be the one that’s listed by Oh Hye Won’s name in the program? In any case, it’s extremely fitting that he would compare her to a classical piece of music. She’s the physical embodiment of that music. He will play it every day regardless of the weather or his mood. They have to be apart for the time being, but this will be his way of keeping her close. Once again, I think this goes to show that their connection goes beyond the ordinary. It’s on a cosmic level and just like music it has no boundaries.  

The show has an open ending and I truly like to believe that everything turned out OK. I’d like to believe that he did win the competition. I’d like to believe that she was released sooner than expected. I’d like to believe that they lived a long and happy life together. That’s what I believe and I’m going to stick with it.  

Moral of this long post: this is a great show and it’s worth it. 

[nxncydrews]

midnight in salem: a review

Your girl finally beat Midnight in Salem last night and...I have thoughts. Feelings. Concerns. But also hope? This review is like a year late but whatever. Overall, I didn’t hate the game nearly as much as I thought I would, and I was fully prepared to loathe it. Spoilers are under the cut for anyone who hasn’t played it yet! (also...it’s long lol)

The general gist of it is this: Midnight in Salem is an okay game. There are some glaring issues that I’ll talk about in more detail, but there is a foundation that I feel is strong for the future. Even with the problems I saw I don’t think MID is the weakest in the series (MED and RAN still claim those spots). Let’s break it down.

Good: the mystery. Although I guessed Teegan’s role in the fire early on, I thought the overall storyline was compelling and that they did a good job of intertwining the characters and motivations in ways that wasn’t super obvious. The one problem I did have with the story is I felt like I couldn’t follow up with characters as much as I wanted to. For example, you can go upstairs in the museum and discover pretty early on that the Parry family changed their name from Parris but you can’t ask Teegan about it until she brings it up much later in the game—and even then it’s not something you prompt, it’s something she just gives up.  I also think I found out about things in dialogue before I was supposed to as though branches of the dialogue tree were incorrectly crossed. Despite that, I think the mystery was good...just needed a little more refining to pull it all together. There were also a few threads that didn’t get tied up (do we just assume that Jason mimicked Olivia’s smoke bombs because he watched her in the square?). 

Bad: the linearity. The thing that I loved (and hated) about past games was that you could hit moments where it wasn’t always clear where you were supposed to go next. With MID, however, you were led from location to location with little reason to return to other places when you finished the single task you needed to do. You would start at the Parry’s house, go to town square, make one trip out to Hathorne House, go back to the town square and repeat the next with a random trip to Lauren’s shop instead of Hathorne. And with the lack of locations to begin with...it just felt like it was a small game without much to do. That said, some of my favorite games have had a much smaller setting (TRT, for example) and did it well. So perhaps this issue could’ve been fixed with more complexity added to the puzzles and additional side quests.

Good: the voice acting and characters. Look, I loved Lani as Nancy Drew and she will always have a special place in my heart, but the new voice of Nancy has won me over. She’s got the exact type of energy I imagine and had a more modern voice. I do think she was one of the weakest voice actors in the game (random lines seemed to feel out of place emotionally, but that could just as much be on the editing team as the voice actor), but I still liked her overall. The rest of the voice cast was also great, which helped to carry a script that I felt was weak at moments—there were times when the dialogue was just...bad. The characters as a whole felt unique and fun, and I really loved the interactions between Deirdre and the Hardy Boys. I would argue that the strongest part of the game is the characters, even if I do think they could’ve gone further with some of the friendships and relationships that were hinted throughout the game (Judge Danforth and Jason, Mei and Jason, Teegan/Olivia/Lauren, etc). I also liked that the characters felt more alive...moving around, in multiple places, etc. The positioning of characters when they followed you was...unfortunate at times. Deirdre scared me every time I turned around and navigating the tunnels at the end of the game was nearly impossible with how characters constantly blocked your view. 

Bad: the graphics. This is obviously something that has been complained about since the beginning, and it’s for good reason: the graphics were lackluster. I have a pretty good laptop so I was able to play on high settings, but even then they weren’t nearly as good as I was expecting for how long they worked on the game. The character models are one of the most glaring issues: choppy and awkward animations, a lack of texture and shadows, and those really freaky eyes. The environments, though slightly better, still felt as though they were built from unity assets that the developers picked up off online stores and threw together. I couldn’t stand looking at the leaf piles on the ground or the street outside the Parry house because they were so incredibly flat. The final puzzle scenes felt better to me, as did Olivia’s shop and even the graveyard, so it’s clear that they can do better, but that level (or even higher level) of detail needs to be present in everything. The lighting is another huge issue—it was extremely flat in most parts of the game and took away a lot of the mood that could’ve been set. That said, I think graphics can be improved....if they put in the money and resources.

Good: the puzzles and interact-able objects. The puzzles that we did have in the game were fun and varying, which I think is important in mystery games. Some of the controls in the puzzles were really frustrating (more on the controls later), but there wasn’t a puzzle that I flat-out couldn’t solve. I also liked the way we could rotate objects and see all sides of them but again, the controls were a little frustrating. 

Bad: the number of puzzles. There just wasn’t enough puzzles for me, particularly puzzles that directly affected the storyline. For example, you can find a ripped-up note in the trash can in the Parry house but it’s never referenced again and you don’t actually need to do it to solve the mystery. Same with the piece of the flyer you find in the scarecrow. I think I saw a reddit thread or a post here that suggested things with book sorting or doing stuff with displays in the museum as additional puzzles and I 100% agree that they’d be great (and easy) additions to the storyline. Or maybe even helping Olivia with doing her store inventory (as we see on her list that she clearly doesn’t want to do it). 

Good: the mini-games. I loved the pumpkin quest and making johnny cakes (though I wish we could’ve actually made the various recipes and not have done the flipping part 6 times). I also loved making the herb mixtures! I honestly don’t have any complaints here. I think there was a good amount of them and they were fun to come back to.

Bad: the controls. While I appreciate what HER was trying to do with the controls, I really don’t think they worked. The “looking around” in a scene is cool in theory, but the actual act of dragging around an object was tedious and frustrating. The movement through the town square was really annoying, too—it took me forever to get from one side to the other. I think the yellow glow around the cursor when you found something to interact with could be a little more prominent, too. I think if HER wants to continue using this setup then they need to fix the cursor sensitivity to deal with how slow looking around a scene can be when dragging. I think we also could’ve done with a way to read the logs of conversations because I definitely missed a few things when I looked away for a second. 

Good: Deirdre. Shannon. I love her. So much. She’s absolutely fantastic. Her snark was great and I really appreciated how they gave her autonomy and actively contribute to the case. I would’ve loved for her to be playable (like maybe we follow her to do research on the town or search for the will), but I can’t complain about the amount we saw her. Her scenes with the Hardy Boys were some of my favorite in game....and I really hope we continue to have her as a phone contact in future games (if not see her in person again!). 

Bad: no charm. Despite some high points with characters and the mystery, overall this game just lacked the charm of the past. I know some of this stems from moving to Unity and the subsequent changes to graphics and models, but I really feel like so much of the uniqueness to the games was stripped away as well. There are some easy changes that I think could fix this, starting with the UI and dialogue display and working to improve the lighting and character models. Nancy Drew needs a small amount of grittiness, I think, and a clean, modern look just doesn’t feel right. 

Good: throwbacks to old games. I appreciated that there were some throwbacks to old games mixed in as you went and that some of our old familiar easter eggs popped up (Koko Kringle candy, for one!). I like to think that the black cats in Olivia’s shop were throwbacks to Suki from SAW (though that one is unlikely) and there was also a mention of a Waverly Academy, though I think this was either a mistake or unintentional because the letter is for an art school and Waverly was a boarding school. I was hoping for a Kate Drew reference when on the phone with Carson, but alas. Here’s hoping they continue to bring past games into new ones. 

Bad: the lack of depth. I felt like overall the game only scratched the surface of what it could’ve in terms of bringing in more history and complexity. The lack of puzzles and overly-linear story made it a pretty quick solve and the characters, though interesting, could’ve done with more interaction with each other. More puzzles, more history, and more side quests could’ve helped with this immensely. (Oh, and get rid of the ridiculous side love triangle and manufactured drama with Ned and Nancy. That’s something worth it’s own post, however.)

tl;dr I wouldn’t go so far to say that MID was a roaring success or met the expectations I had for the game, but I do think there is hope for the future if we get more games. The mystery was solid and there are some good things that came from it, but they’ve got a lot of work to do to bring the next game back to the quality level that we saw in past eras. If anything, this did make me want to play through all the old games in order again, which I haven’t wanted to do in years. 

Time to go open photoshop and make all the Mei/Jason and Frank/Deirdre graphics and get back in the edit game!  

[myentertainmentthoughts]

Naruto - a 15 year journey

I'm not sure if the above statement/title of this post says more about me than anything else. But I finally finished episode 500 of Naruto Shippuden this week, and it's a little unbelievable that it has taken me this long to finally wrap up an anime that I still to this day, acknowledge as one of the most instrumental series in getting me into anime as a genre. Period. (I guess it takes a global pandemic, and the world falling apart for me to hunker down and actually invest time into watching TV, lol.)

While I'm sad to say goodbye to Naruto, I'll admit that finishing Shippuden was actually a bit of a relief. The characters in this show will always have a deep and special place in my heart, and the strength of said characters is what makes this series so iconic. That being said, digesting the writing in the final arc of Shippuden was a labor, not a joy.

I think where the series shines the most is in the first parts of both the first Naruto, and Naruto Shippuden. This is where we get to see the characters grow in strength, and in motivation. First and foremost with title character Naruto, but also arguably with most if not all of the side and supporting characters. Again - I feel that Naruto as a series is outstanding in large part to how interesting and likeable its characters are. They're the kind of characters you truly root for - it's what kept me watching hundreds of episodes of content.

I also think the themes of Naruto are extremely relevant, especially now in 2020 where we are all experiencing very tumultuous and turbulent times. I am a huge fan of the primary message of this show. While the cycle of humanity's hatred is nearly impossible to break because of how difficult it is to understand one another's pain - we will find more success at prevailing and breaking this cycle when we stand together united. No one is able to solve their problems alone.

Lastly - the world of Naruto is just cool and creative. I like this concept of entire villages of ninja, and it's fun to see each clan and each ninja's different unique abilities. There are a lot of stand out arcs throughout Naruto and Shippuden in terms of the fights. I think that this property clearly excels in 1v1 battles. I would've liked to see much better teamwork battles, and this is probably why the last arc of Shippuden was particularly painful for me to slog through. Nonetheless - there are tons of fun fights to see throughout the show. Lots of solid action.

That said, this series is flawed. I'm not going to lie - I feel that Kishimoto got lazy with the writing in trying to wrap up the main storyline. There's too many plot twists involving the villains in the last part of Shippuden that it just isn't really that believable anymore. The last fight involving the final villain vs. our heroes being probably the most ridiculous. By the time they circle back to Naruto and Sasuke's final confrontation and resolution, it feels very short, anticlimactic, and even empty. I felt that this was a disservice to this relationship that is so central to the series.

I am also going to call out Kishimoto's writing when it comes to the female characters. I know that I am not alone in my frustrations with this, and that many in the Naruto fanbase have voiced this opinion as well. But straight up, the kunoichi in this series serve to be plot devices for their male counterparts. Which is incredibly disappointing, because I actually find the female cast of this series to be likeable, and equipped with some formidable and interesting abilities. 

This was particularly frustrating for me in regards to Tsunade - one of, if not my favorite character in the series whose character and strengths are essentially abandoned, even pre-Pain arc. And sadly, this fault in the writing for female characters most affects Team 7's only girl – Sakura. Her considerable and admirable growth from the first series to Shippuden quickly reverts back into "useless" category, especially with Sasuke's reintroduction, and it’s grueling to watch it. Especially with all the hate her character receives from the fanbase when I feel that her storyline of rising up from sidelined, to useful and strong with her own unique skills, was relatable and had so much wasted potential.

Luckily, my experience with Naruto didn’t span over the actual air time of the show. I got into this series in late junior high/early high school, never finished it, attempted to go back several times, and failed because of all of the filler content. It wasn’t until just now that I made the resolution to finally give the series a proper watch through (skipping the filler episodes, of course, was the key to being successful).

I do strongly believe that this affected my perception on the series – I think that my disappointment with the writing quality in the later part of Shippuden has been helped out by not waiting for so long for the series resolution. I think that Naruto, much like any popular, long running content suffered from pressure on the creator to deliver an ending that could satisfy the hype that the series gathered through the years of its run time. So that being said, I could accept Naruto as a whole for what it is. A solid, action-based shonen series that will always be special to me for how long I’ve been acquainted with, and loved these characters.

But is it worth the time investment of 720 episodes? It’s a lie if I say that I think the ending truly paid off and satisfied. I will always recognize and understand why Naruto has played such an important role in manga/anime, and why the series remains so beloved. But I would caution anyone who is going into the show, that it is far from perfect. Come into the fandom with a filler list handy, preparation to skip through huge portions of repeated flashbacks, and with an expectation that the writing of Shippuden in its second part dives significantly.

Regardless of my opinion on the consistency of this series, Naruto and his friends will always be special to me. A real thank you to Masashi Kishimoto for this series that has meant so much to so many people, despite its flaws. Now, onwards for me to digest new content!

[anaithya]

2018, etc

2018 was one hell of a ride.

I spent the NYE working on thesis proposal with my best friends A & G at G’s home. It was tense, since the deadline was close but none of us was even halfway through. At midnight we took a break and walked to Bundaran HI to join the crowd and watch fireworks. We had a bit of fun, grabbed some food in the nearest McD, talked all the way back, and prayed for our hopes and dreams for the year, before finally continue to work. 

We had our common goal: to graduate. Little did we know it will took a long, winding road before we finally reach one.

January was fine. IECOM was successful, despite me being a zombie for several days. It might not be perfect but I’m very proud of what my team has done. There were unexpected things happened in D-Day but we handled them well. It feels so nice to see people work together--voluntarily put their time, mind, and energy to make the plan come true. We did our best and that’s what mattered. 

Two days after IECOM, batch 2014 went to field trip in Malang and Bali. Having too caught up with IECOM, my friends and I planned our extended trip on the bus lol (I wrote about it here). It was reaaal fun! I liked how chill we all were, stopped for a moment not thinking about thesis or our routine anxieties, living the moment we were in. Thank you crew #gogotrip.

But the chaos was waiting for me. From then on, I was drained working on my thesis. Thesis was like the epitome of my uni life: crappy and messed up. Full of regret and wrong decisions. Perfectly summed it up! I thought I planned everything perfectly, but then Murphy Law happened. I remember panicking when things were still uncertain. I overthinked a lot, I was desperate and felt so clueless on April, but things began to unfold in May. In early July, I was finally certain in what I had to do. But still not sure whether I could make it or not in October. The pressure was even higher after you see your own friends graduating. 

Whole September I couldn’t manage to do anything but working on my thesis. The month slipped perfectly from my life, I barely remember anything but me sitting in my computer, whether looking on Word, Excel, or Lingo. I remember staying up all night in the then-newly-opened coffee shop until 2 in the morning with my friend N (we’ve been there for hours), working on our thesis, too tired to talk to each other. Then we do the same thing in the day, only in our lab, and there will be our other friends. On repeat, for days. 

On Tuesday, 25th, I finally did my thesis defense. Got an A, with extremely minor revision. Happiest day of the year. Took a day off on Wednesday, printed the final draft Thursday, got my supervisor’s signature, submitted it to the library, and signed up for October graduation on Friday. 

Took two companies, months of hustles and hurdles, loads of papers, countess lingo solving, and series of sleepless nights to finally did it. And also a great supervisor. I couldn’t thank my supervisor enough for all the help that he gave me. If it wasn’t him, I don’t know if i can still manage to graduate in October.

In between the mess, with the thought that I need a break, I signed up for HPAIR conference. After two essays and an online interview, I got accepted! So for a full week in August I went to KL. It’s been a long time since I visit KL, and it was my first time participating in an international event like that. (one bucket list checked!). The conference was lit with the intriguing theme and notable speakers. I made new friends and tried superb food in town.

I also got the chance to participate in Maybank Impact Challenge, which I think the most interesting part of the conference. It was modelled upon Maybank Go Ahead Challenge. We were divided in teams, and the members came from different backgrounds and nationalities. In the span of 6 hours I had to make a country development plan, played board game, took the role as a COO in an engineering company, cracked codes and analyzed financial statements, ran for 1-2 km?--wearing a smart casual attire--from Sunway Uni to a bowling alley in Sunway Pyramid, pitched my company to investor WHILE playing bowling, ran back to the Uni, and took the role as management in company-in-crisis. Too much for a day, eh? It was crazy but I got to learn a lot: 1) How to work under pressure 2) How to work with strangers, especially with a very dominating person 3) How to estimate and make up numbers that still make sense 4) How to do impromptu speech.

(I also signed up for IELTS and Germany course. The courses were so refreshing since I love learning languages. I stopped showing up in September tho when the stakes on my thesis were high)

October 19 was my graduation day, and 20 was the parade. Bachelor of Science, I am now. I finally ended my university life. (another bucket list checked!)

The past four years was rough for me, especially in terms of my own ambition and personal development. To be honest, I hate my university life so much. I hate it to the point I don’t like to talk about it. About this class, about this exam, about this task, about this A B C, about this time when we had to do X.

If I could turn back the time I would definitely pick another major and another university. I hate how I didn’t work hard enough. I hate how I didn’t give my 100%. I hate how I DID work enough but still failing anyway. I hate how the world seemed so unfair. I hate how unprepared and unplanned I was. But what I hate the most is... I hate that I didn’t pursue for things I really like the most, because I was too scared. I hate how I wasn’t willing to take chances and chose the easy path. I hate how scared I was, to the future, to the what-ifs, to things that were actually in my head.

So messed up. So many wrong decisions. So many regrets.

Nonetheless, university life gave me valuable friends and... meaningful relationships! I really didn’t expect this from ITB back then, but yeah. The people I met were good ones. MTI ITB IS AWESOME!!! (at a certain period of time lol). I’m thankful that I found trusting, reliable friends that might not be 24/7 for me but surely make me laugh and make me feel much better when they’re around. It is my memories with them that I cherish the most.

Several days after graduation, I secured my first job (or not? I’m not permanent yet but nevermind), and started to work rightaway--in a company that I really admire. (bucket list checked once again!!!)

November and December were about adjustments. Adjusting myself back to Jakarta, coming back home after years of living alone. Adjusting to the new role that I take, as an employee. Adjusting to the new routine.

I also got two free concert tickets in November: Gun N Roses and Blackpink lol.

I spent the last day of the year with my high school friends in a friend’s house. Learned to play poker, chit chatted about life, reflected on how the year was for each of us. 

Calm and serene. 

Despite the sour, sour lemons, I learned a lot in 2018. 

Four years of desperation crafted this worrisome and pessimist attitude in me. Contrary after graduating high school, after uni graduation I feel like I have self-confidence issue and I feel like not knowing what I really want or what I have to do next. I am still clueless apparently. 

However, knowing the fact how terrible last year was, and I still survived after all gives me this weird strength to carry on. It gives some me kind of positivity and energy for 2019. 

I get this epiphany that... maybe life indeed sucks, it still has loadsss of lemons to be thrown at me. There will be more cancelled and altered plans, and there will be other twists, turns, and surprises. Nevertheless, I shall focus on things that I can control and let go the ones I can’t. I shall control my perception and reception towards what’s happening instead of letting it affect me. I shall not waste my energy panicking and thinking too much on things that don’t matter like I did last year (and throughout my uni life also). I shall let go of my fear and let loose, be less rigid.

I shall focus on me and my personal growth, also on people that matters. I want to regain my confidence and cut all the negativities that the past might have caused me. I need to reorganize my life and construct my future plans.

This year, I want to be chill like I was in Bali.

[violetemerald]

Grey's Anatomy: Owen Hunt & His Journey to Becoming a Parent - "Bless The Broken Road"

Voiceovers are transcribed at the bottom of this description. ~~~ I don't know what to expect with Owen and this foster baby storyline going forward but I'm SO HAPPY about it so far. Also my OTP on Grey's right now is Owen/Amelia and her being so involved has not hurt my happiness about it... lol. But seriously, I have all the excitement of shipping feelings right now but more toward Owen&happiness, I have been rooting for Owen and parenthood for 7 years, I'm pretty sure, and it's all HAPPENING!! ~~~ As you may have learned from my personal video about my queerplatonic relationship I was in on-and-off for a couple years: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VN_3ynvHdY4 - I really want to foster and/or adopt children myself in my future. Owen's storyline (including a willingness to adopt or even foster an older child!) and his struggle to find a partner he's in love with who actually wants to have children has been one of the parts of Grey's Anatomy as a TV series that has resonated with me the most, especially recently as I re-watch a big chunk of the series knowing I'm asexual and aromantic-spectrum. I was so shocked when 14x19 happened and Owen signed up to do parenting single via fostering to adopt, as that is basically my plan if I can't within the next 6 or 7 years or so find a partner to co-parent with. I started this vid immediately and have been SO inspired.

Special thanks to cardiffgiant02 for helping me brainstorm scenes!

I couldn't fit in everything I wanted to, especially in regards to explaining how his relationship with Emma in season 10 was so close to giving him his dream of children but SHE wasn't who he wanted in a romantic partner, and actually in order to fit in most of what I wanted to I edited the song and EXTENDED IT...

...but repeating certain instrumental sections a few times. I hope the song extension/edits don't sound horrible and overly distracting... I couldn't help it, I really *needed* the extra 30 or so seconds, lol. Also I hope my glowy effects on the scenes from the two "What If" episodes where Owen has kids in season 8 and season 10 are not too much...

Mainly I'm pretty happy with how the video turns out even if it's not entirely perfect. I worked hard on this and I really hope people enjoy it. Please leave me a comment if you like it, as it took me many, many hours to edit. :)

And yay for my first Grey's Anatomy video in 4 years, by the way! Check out my playlist of all my Grey's Anatomy vidding here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLQIrXD4weMlgmJGC93E8d3QAXaht9guad

I actually hope to make some other Grey's Anatomy fanvideos soon, probably to vid Cristina & Meredith's relationship, to vid Amelia and/or the Owen/Amelia ship, AND to vid the hospital shooting storyline and the whole aftermath of that trauma throughout season 7.  I already have perfect song ideas for all of those. They all mean things to me personally. Cristina & Meredith are the epitome of queerplatonic partners in many ways, although there is no one way to do that relationship structure, and I love so much in my re-watch noticing the show exploring their bond. The trauma and coping with the aftermath of a gun related trauma is personal for me after my friend perpetrated a murder-suicide 5 months ago. Etc. There's a LOT going into my feelings toward the show right now.

I felt a little weird vidding this song because A) I started a vid years and years ago set to a different cover of this song and I almost-never repeat vid songs, and B) I'm an atheist - I don't believe in God and this song is kinda more heavily about "God" "blessing" the difficult journey to get to the happy ending. But the previous vid I had been working on, a Lucas & Peyton (One Tree Hill) one I didn't vid more than about 45 seconds: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_l9yExD5zQY and I just couldn't think of a better song for focusing on the "broken road" part, the angst and long journey to getting tot the end. A lot of other songs that crossed my mind, like "Brighter Than Sunshine" by Aqualung or other covers of that, focused too much on how life NOW is great, brighter than sunshine, and while it turns out episodes 14x20 and 14x21 gave us quite a few Owen w/ a child scenes and I could've probably made a song like that work, I picked the song when all I knew was the end of 14x19 and I was expecting maybe one scene at best by the end of the season of Owen getting his dream of Parenthood. I was expecting the happy ending to be more implied in this vid when I first started out making it. Anyway... I think the song worked pretty perfectly, even if at the end the lyric switches to "lover's arms" so I had to be creative with Amelia... :P There aren't a lot of songs out there focusing on platonic happy endings after a lot of broken hearts, if you know what I mean.

Song: Bless The Broken Road Cover Artist: Luke Murgatroyd & Mike Watson (Originally by Rascal Flatts) Discovered it here on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYP8UqF5x8s

Voiceovers:

Cristina: I don't want a baby. Owen: Well, you have one.

Owen: I could take a leave for six months, or a year. Cristina: No, you couldn't. Owen: Yes. Sure, I could. I'm telling you I want this. I can do this. Cristina: There is no compromise! I don't want to be a mother.

Cristina: I made an appointment... to terminate the pregnancy.

Owen (to Megan): I always imagined us raising our families together. Camping trips, cookouts.

Owen: It's a cute baby, right?

Owen: I could sing a song... You tired? [Sofia coos]

Owen: It's always been about you! It's what YOU want. That's always been your position. We live like you want, how you want... you get WHATEVER you want.

April: I don't know, it's just a feeling. [Owen scoffs a little] April: But... you don't have any kids.

Owen: It was- it was a... life that I envisioned for myself, okay?

Megan: You don't have any kids. How exactly would that dream work out?

Owen: You KILLED our baby! You don't ever forget that!

DSHS Worker: So, are you looking to foster a child? Or foster-to-adopt? Owen: Foster-to-adopt.

Owen: Oh, sure. Ok, we're fine. Except for the part where you aborted the child that I wanted. Cristina: Except for the part where you held my hand while I exercised my right to choose, and then four months later you screamed I killed your baby in front of all our friends.

Cristina: I do not want kids- Owen: Most people would've considered dropping a bomb like that BEFORE the wedding. THAT is when it would've been relevant.

Meredith: He should be with someone who wants a baby.

Amelia: You have wanted this forever!

Ethan: Can I stay with you? Owen: [chuckles] No, no, no, I have to- I have to work.

Owen: When you and Derek adopted Zola, how did you know?

Owen (to Emma): Are you planning to break my heart?

Owen: I mean, how did you really know that that was something you were gonna do? Meredith: Why? Are you thinking...?

Owen: You know, this kid, he needs someone. And... I like him! And, uh... he likes me! He's scared and alone, and... I could help. I know how to help, and I want to. It's a huge commitment; it's a lifetime of responsibility... but then I spend one minute with this kid, and... I can't imagine not doing it.

Meredith: You know, Owen was talking about taking the kid, himself.

Cristina: Were you even going to tell me you wanted to... ADOPT him? Owen: Well, that didn't happen, so... Cristina: But you WANTED to! Owen, you want kids!

Cristina: Derek watches Zola put applesauce in her ear, and he's enchanted. You felt that way with Ethan.

Alex: Mm. Maybe you're not a "baby guy". Babies just don't like some guys.

Cristina: You broke up with her? She was IT, Owen. Picket fence, a dozen kids. Owen: I don't want to talk about that.

Owen: I'm a baby guy! You can see that, right?

Owen: Um... kids? Amelia: Five. Owen: Whoa, five? Amelia: Sure, unless the first few terrorize us, then we can have four. Owen: Are we really talking about this? Marriage and kids?

Owen: Hey, did I tell you I spent all day with Harriet today? It was so much fun. After a while, I just... I felt like I'd done it forever.

Owen: And so I was thinking that we could turn the... study into the nursery!

Megan: If I die, I need you to promise me that you'll take care of Farouk.

Amelia: My baby lived for 43 minutes.

Owen: I keep trying to think of him as like a "practice baby", but he is such a cute practice baby. [Sighs] Oh.

Amelia: I got to hold him. And it almost killed me! I haven't told Owen all of it.  [Breathes.] He wants a family so bad.

Owen: You know, and then we can- We can turn the nursery into his room! Or her room. I mean, it's a good room for a kid, right?

[creideamhgradochas]

Thanks to the lovely @youngmoneymilla for taking the time to answer these! Get to know more about lovely Eliza, go give her a follow and then show her some love!

These questions are from this list. You should check it out, there’s 50 questions all together and they’d be great to ask your favorite fic writer!

1) How old were you when you first starting writing fan-fiction?

13

2) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

I did love writing OC’s because I have a lot of fun with physical description. However, that was when I wasn’t aware of Reader Inserts since I just recently came back into the fanfic world. Reader Inserts are great because I have to work that much harder on giving them a backstory/personality and not focus at all on physical description. Plus, everyone gets to read the work and hopefully find themselves in it. The only thing I hate is being unable to use a name. I can’t write “Y/N” bc it bugs me haha.

3) What is your favorite genre to write for?

Ummm Angst probably? I’m a huge horror fan so, I’m trying to incorporate that into more work.

4) If you had to delete one of your stories and never speak of it again, which would it be and why?

“It Would Have Made it True” just because I didn’t really connect with it that much and the ending was rushed.

5) When is your preferred time to write? 

11 am to 10 pm haha. I’m an asshole and write a lot during my job.

6) Where do you take your inspiration from? 

I have about a million fics bookmarked from over the years, literally fics from when I was in high school to now. They’re so gorgeously written and they inspire me to write. I pretty much only read non-fiction outside of fanfic so, that doesn’t really work.

7) What’s your favorite scene that you’ve written?

Bathtub/Bedroom scene in the second part of “Bungalows and Baths”

8) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

Yep. In one fic, I included a descriptive characteristic for the reader that implied she was white. It hadn’t even occurred to me but, I immediately fixed it when someone pointed it out.

9) Who is your favorite character to write for? Why? 

Tossup between Bucky and Steve. Bucky has the very obvious trauma and grief that’s interesting to write about but, Steve has a lot of buried darkness that’s subtle and extremely intriguing.

10) Who is your least favorite character to write for? Why?

Maybe Bruce? I don’t care that much for his character (despite the fact I love Hulk)

11) How do you come up with the titles for your stories? 

A lot of the time, it’s a line that’s said throughout the narrative. However, I have a word doc filled with random quotes I like and I usually throw something together. I always think up the title at the end and it’s always an afterthought. Titles blow.

12) What do you think is the best idea you’ve had for a story so far?

I am currently writing a Bucky x Reader fic (TRYING TO AT LEAST) that is going to take the team to New Orleans. It’s going to involve vampires since I wrote a novella about vampires back in high school and want to re-explore that mythology. However, there is going to be a lot of twists and it won’t be an AU, it’s just introducing the possibility of vampires in the MC universe. The reader and Bucky will both be struggling with the idea of themselves as monsters and trying to help themselves through that. It’s going to be a lot of voodoo and magic and angsty “will they, won’t they”. I’m going off on a tangent now but, that’s the gist. I have not written an actual series in a long time so, this would be my first one.

13) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

There are many half-filled one- page word docs on my desktop that are rotting away as we speak. I just get bored or think of something else.

14) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?

I’d love to do more fics with the same reader from Bungalows and Baths.

15) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?

Lol I’m actually annoyed with how I ended 6 Times right now. Not sure why.

16) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

Omg I admire so many but, here are a few.

@bitsandbobsandstuff – obviously for her “Safe with Me” piece which is fantastic, emotional and well-paced. Pacing/keeping the reader on their toes is the hardest thing for me in a series and so, I really admire her ability to do that. I also LOVED her “A Million Invisible Threads” piece because it’s such a gorgeous character study on the Winter Soldier

@a-splash-of-stucky  – She’s the Queen of Angst duh and a GORGEOUS writer. I love her stuff. A Messed Up Place left me weak.

@imhereforbvcky – Her “Mirror for the Sun” fic inspired me to start writing from Bucky’s POV actually. She’s just a beautiful writer.

@tilltheendwilliwrite – I love everything she writes. I love all the mythology she brings to her fics while still staying within the Avengers universe. Her smut is on another level, too. I find myself rereading her stuff again and again.

17) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?

Here and there. There are definitely moments in a fic where I think why did I keep that. It’s usually because I ended it too quickly or just wanted it over.

18) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence? 

I love music when I write fics. It’s all movie scores. I have a spotify playlist for it.

19) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?

I’ve cried (ish) when writing anything that has to do with alcohol/substance abuse. I’ve been in and out of AA for the past two years and have finally started recovery again. I also have depression so, writing about that can leave me raw. Writing truly always helps though.

20) Which part of your fics have been the hardest to write?

SMUT. Jesus Christ. I struggle so hard with making smut sound hot, as well as lyrical so, it can fit with the narrative. I don’t want to reuse anything I’ve used in other fics before or repeat words but, it’s SO hard (pardon the pun). I always forget what position they’re in and where the body parts need to go. It’s legitimately why I have yet to write a Stucky x Reader fic. I can’t introduce another person into my difficult SMUT journey.

21) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow? 

I usually have a general idea and I’ll have a very vague outline going. I just write everything out like word vomit and go back and edit.

22) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fan-fiction? 

That some of the best stories I’ve read aren’t necessarily the ones with the most likes or comments. I stumble upon stuff and wonder “HOW DOES THIS NOT HAVE 2K LIKES”.

23) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

That’s tough. Maybe the stuff I wrote in the beginning where I didn’t have many followers. I loved the concept of “You Don’t Mean for it to Happen” but, sometimes I want to rewrite the whole thing. I put a lot of myself into “I Think of You All the Time” but, I feel like that got some good traction. IDK.  Bungalows and Baths got a crazy amount of love. Did not expect that but, v grateful.

24) In contrast to 23 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at? 

Nope. I appreciate any love haha.

25) Are any of your characters based on real people?

Well, I think it goes without saying that every reader character has a little bit of the author in there. I think I pull from some of my friends but, not really.

26) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten? 

Someone once said that their soul was marked by “Bungalows and Baths” which was amazing haha.

27) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?

I haven’t really gotten criticism other than that time I screwed up on including a feature for a white reader. I felt terrible about that.

28) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?

Not really. I don’t have people to share them with haha.

29) Do people know you write fan-fiction?

My best friend knows but, she doesn’t read fanfic. Shockingly, my mom and sister know but, I told them that they could never read them. I just share reviews with them. My mom likes to know that I’m staying creative.

30) What’s you favorite minor character you’ve written? 

Oh jeez idk if I have one. Natasha isn’t considered a minor character but, she usually plays a side character in my stories and she’s fun to write for.

31) What spurs you on during the writing process?

Once I get started, I’m usually good at keeping it going. Music helps.

32) What’s your favorite trope to write?

Probably slow burn romance or one of the lovers is injured/captured. I also am a huge sucker for love triangles because I’m greedy AF.

33) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

Lawl this might not have been the first one but, I read a Lizzie Mcguire SMUT piece when I was maybe in 6th grade and was severely chilled to the bone. I was trash even at 12.

34) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?

Angst. I always write better when I’m emotionally distraught and tortured. Although as I get older, I realize this isn’t fabulous for my own mental health.

[cozyreviews]

2020 Reading Wrap-Up

This year was extremely cathartic in terms of reading. The past few years I’ve been reading, but not very fast and not very often. I am proud to say that as of today, I have read 31 books this year. Not only was this the most I’ve ever read period, but the most varying in genres that I’ve ever read. Normally I stick to ya contemporary and fantasy, but this year I jumped around from middle grade to adult to new adult back to ya. I also discovered my favorite authors of all time. The books I read this year were fun, eye-opening, and engaging. Some of them I definitely didn’t like as much as the others, but that’s a story for later.

Without further or do...here are my top 8 of the year!

1. The Hating Game by Sally Thorne

This is the book that started my rom-com kick this year. I started off the year finishing up the TATBILB series and I immediately jumped into The Hating Game and my god did I fall in love with it. If you haven’t heard of it, it follows Lucy and Josh who work together and are mortal enemies and well...I think you can guess where it goes. It’s hilarious, it’s sweet, and boy is it sexyyyy. I can’t wait to see it come to life on the big screen with Lucy Hale and Robbie Amell! They just started shooting and I can totally see them both being perfect in their rolls.

2. Josh & Hazel’s Guide to Not Dating by Christina Lauren

Last year for Christmas, this was one of the books I got - along with The Hating Game. It took a while to start this one but I loved it and it made me see how incredible Christina Lauren is. There’s a way that they write about love that’s unlike any other. This one was also sweet, hilarious, and sexy and the ending had me all emo. Friends to lovers is one of my favorite tropes so if that’s what you love, this one would be right up your alley. It’s about Hazel - a wacky, zany teacher who in college had several run-ins with Josh that didn’t go very well. Years later, they run into each other at a party and become friends. This eventually leads to them going on double dates with people they set each other up with - but they always end up going home together;)

3. The Unhoneymooners by Christina Lauren

O. M. G. This was a WILD ride. I had no idea what to expect with this one but I definitely had many times where I was actually laughing out loud. The premise of this one is insane: our main character’s twin sister is getting married and she just so happens to hate the brother of the groom. On the night of the wedding, the main character and the brother end up being the only ones at the wedding who don’t get food poisoning so they’re forced by their siblings to take their honeymoon trip to Hawaii. If that hasn’t hooked you, I don’t know what will. 

4. In a Holidaze by Christina Lauren

THIS. BOOK. One of my favorites I’ve EVER read. It’s everything I could ever want: romance, humor, and CHRISTMAS! I feel like I should’ve kept this one closer to Christmas but I read it at the beginning of November and it instantly put me in the spirit. With a lot of these rom-coms, it’s easy to predict what’s gonna happen, but this one I had NO IDEA how it was going to end. And I loved every second of the journey. This one follows Mae to her family and family friends’ cabin on Christmas. After a disastrous trip, she gets in a car accident with her family and ends up repeating the holiday over and over again. Oh and there’s a cute boy that she’s nursed a crush on for years. This one had me laughing out loud too and also crying. We absolutely stan this and I will definitely be reading every year at Christmas time.

5. Daisy Jones & the Six by Taylor Jenkins Reid

Holy. Shit. I can’t even describe how much I loved this book. If you know me, you know how much I love music so this was the PERFECT book for me. At first it took some time to get into, but once I was into it...phew. It absolutely flew by and all I wanted to do was read. It’s about a fictional band from the 1970′s. I don’t even know what to say other than that so I don’t spoil anyone but it is a JOURNEY.  I found myself gasping at some points because of how shocking some things were. Ugh. I loved it. If you like Fleetwood Mac in any way, I highly, highly, highly recommend this book.

6. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

I knew I wanted to read this after I finished Daisy Jones, but I actually didn’t get around to it until a week or so ago. I flew through this one too and oh my god. If Daisy Jones wasn’t shocking enough for you then this one. Oh. My. God. It’s about Evelyn Hugo, a fictional starlet from the 50′s (? I think) who asks a small time writer to help write her biography - to be released after she’s dead. Evelyn is such an intriguing character, you just want to know more and more and more. And there’s one thing about her that is absolutely shocking. There are actually so many shocking revelations throughout this book and it all took me completely off guard. Surprisingly, I feel like I learned a lot through this book and from Evelyn. She’s painted out to be not a very great person, and I think I understand why people think that about her, but I don’t see her that way at all. I actually feel like she’s a good person, maybe a bit selfish, but there’s one thing all of her decisions have in common. Love.

7. The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas

Phew. I can’t believe it took me this long to read this book. I thought I’d be okay with just seeing the movie but let me tell you...the book is so much more eye opening and amazing.. After the protests in June, I saw everyone talking about things like White Fragility and How to Be an Antiracist - but I knew those books wouldn’t be for me. Now hear me out...I hate non-fiction. I learn lessons much better through fictional stories and that’s why this one resonated so much with me. Starr is one of the most brave, incredible characters that I’ve had the pleasure of reading. The way Angie writes her story is both beautiful and heartbreaking. You watch as she changes and how the people around her change by the horrific event that has taken place. I’m not gonna try to summarize it, because hopefully everyone knows what it’s about by now. If you haven’t yet, go pick it up. Right now. I feel like this is a story that’s going to be around forever and that we’ll be giving to our children to read when it’s time. As a white person, I can be empathetic, but I truly will never understand what it’s like for Black people, but reading this gave me a better understanding of what is actually happening. The Hate U Give taught me about how broken the system is, and how we can fix the issues that are plaguing the Black community right now. The most poignant and important book I could ever read.

8. On the Come Up by Angie Thomas

After The Hate U Give, I couldn’t not read this one. And wow. On the Come Up follows Bri, the daughter of a rap legend, who is trying to make it in Garden Heights - the same neighborhood Starr is from in The Hate U Give. Bri’s journey is rough, but it’s incredible to see the work she puts in to end up on top. Sometimes the decisions she makes get taken the wrong way, but in the end, her family as at the core of every decision she makes. All she wants is her family to be okay and I think that’s something that a lot of people can relate to. On the Come Up might not be as deep as The Hate U Give, but Angie teaches some incredible lessons through this story too. Also, let me just say...Angie wrote some INCREDIBLE raps for this book and I really hope we get to hear them come to life one day.

Other reads:

Those are my favorites of the year, but I still read a lot of other books this year. I re-read The Hunger Games trilogy! I read The Hunger Games way back in 2010, so it was about time that I re-read them. And let me be honest...I stopped Catching Fire about halfway through...so I never finished them until this year...I have to say they were kind of disappointing. It might just be that it’s been so long that I don’t connect as much with the stories anymore, but they are still great.

I FINALLY read the Percy Jackson series! I had The Lightning Thief chilling on my shelf since I was in 5th grade and something finally got me to read this series. It did not disappoint and I loved every second of it. I can’t wait to see what the Disney+ series is going to be like - hopefully they actually do it justice this time around.

This year I have been obsessing over Tom Holland...lol so naturally I read every book that he was signed on to be in the adaptation for. The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness aka the first Chaos Walking book was by far my favorite. The movie is coming out in March! I also read Cherry by Nico Walker and The Devil All the Time by Donald Ray Pollock. Cherry was...interesting. I kind of hated the narrator the whole time so I’m hoping they changed up the movie a bit. I’m thinking they did because I read some BTS stories and some of them don’t line up with what was in the book. TDATT was a little disturbing...but I enjoyed it. The book was much better than the movie, but I definitely wouldn’t recommend either to anyone...unless you wanted to see Tom or Sebastian Stan or Riley Keough in the movie. I’m sure I will be finishing the Chaos Walking series eventually and I’m also interested in reading Beneath a Scarlet Sky which Tom has been signed on to for a while. That one sounds very intriguing and I’m excited to hopefully read it next year.

I finally watched Big Little Lies and I wasn’t going to read the book, but I did end up eventually reading it. It was good but not nearly as good as the series. It might be because I knew how it all would end, but it overall, was not my favorite. I don’t think I’ll be reading any more of Liane Moriarty’s books though.

Oh! So I read The Cursed Child...That’s all I’m gonna say.

I completely forgot to add I also read Roomies and Twice in a Blue Moon by Christina Lauren. Roomies was very good and probably could be in my favorites list, but it just didn’t reach the level of the other three. It was fun though, so if you liked any of those three, I would recommend it. Twice in a Blue Moon though...I was so bored. I almost stopped reading it a few times but I just pushed through. It wasn’t a rom com at all, just a romance, which wasn’t for me. A lot of people that liked Christina Lauren recommended Beach Read - which I read, and did not enjoy very much. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t phenomenal, that’s for sure.

There were a few YA books I read this year: Slayer, Truly Devious, Capturing the Devil, the final two TATBILB books...but my favorite was Chain of Gold by Cassandra Clare. It’s been a while since I’ve been into her books but wooooww. Chain of Gold was incredible. I loved the characters and I loved that we got to see our favorite characters from The Infernal Devices again. It was a JOURNEY and reminded me why I started reading CC in the first place.

Well...That’s it for my reading wrap up of 2020! Here’s to another great year of great books in 2021!