#feels like spoilers to just tell you now

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

i love love love the new fic and im sooooooo excited for where you'll take this 🥰❤️

just curious, could i ask how many chapters ur planning for the new fic? like just in general, cause i know that can change from time to time - but like how long do u see it going on for?

i'm sorry it was too funny not to slap those at the start,,

genuinely? on a hopeful estimate? i want to say 30-40.

realistically? i've no fucking clue. i'm so sorry. that's like- a running joke at this point here. i do not control the chapter count or word count. i just write. when i think it's only going to take five more chapters, there's 200k words after it. when i say we're nearing the end, we end up on the first third.

so like- the safest thing i can say is that it shouldn't be longer than cyanide. but like. fuck if i know if that's actually going to turn out being true. plus it could still be longer than cyanide on word count even if it has less chapters given cyanide only started hitting 9k words average per chapter on like... chapter 30 and up i think. whereas jadeite's chapters are all 8-9k (i know there's only 4 so far but still) not to mention, 'not longer than cyanide' doesn't tell you much given cyanide is- quite big.

so uh- TL;DR - i'm sorry i just have no fucking clue LMAO

fun fact though- i know i laugh about it and i honestly am more flaberghasted by it than annoyed? about this not being able to control the lenght fo a fic thing. but i won't lie and say i sometimes wish i could bc then i could like- coordinate chapter titles.

geuinely the only reason why most of my fics have no chapter titles is bc i've always wanted to coordinate them, and only a few fics on the shorter side lend themselves to having basic chapter names about stuff that happens in the chapter (like babysitting and every good intention). not that i couldn't do that for the others, but i just wanted to coordinate them from the start, but ended up not doing that since well. you know.

so the actual fun fact is that i actually started jadeite- obviously for various reasons, but one of the things that got me writing was the idea that i could coordinate the chapter titles of this zhongli-centric fic idea i had to one very specific song's lyrics. as in, have each verse be a chapter title.

for that reason alone i really, really want jadeite to have 37 chapters in specific. but since i know that's mostly wishful thinking, i've left the chapters titleless. if i somehow actually manage to get it to stick to 37 (i'll take 38 or 39 even, could probably fit it in 40 as well), then i'll change the chapter titles to what i had originally intended them to be. but we'll have to see if the fic ends up matching the draft i had when it comes to matching the lyrics. or we could accept it's just for the cool aspect of it and have some chapter's titles have nothing to do with the chapter, all in the name of being able to open the chapter index and read an entire song that does vibe with the fic as a whole hahah

[muppetfreak]

Mr. Riordan, it is truly a pleasure getting to experience your second draft.

[cutiesigh]

❤️🖤🩷

Wuthering Waves has taken over all of my free time recently, so here's a sketch of Scar!Ren I originally shared in da 14DWY Discord!!

[iaxsl]

like you're telling me that dragon actually does care about luffy and would watch him whenever he passed by????? and the reason why he left luffy is so that he doesn't get caught up in his fights or be used as a weakness against dragon?????? LUFFY GREW UP WITHOUT A FATHER BECAUSE DRAGON DIDN'T WANT TO PUT HIS ONLY SON IN DANGER????

[extasiswings]

Eddie cheating arc leading to Eddisol breakup + Kim bailing immediately once she realizes what a mess he put her in + Chris being hurt because Eddie keeps putting these women in his life too soon and then blowing shit up when he starts getting attached and then Ramon and Helena come to town and things blow up with the will and the lockbox of feelings and things Buck and Eddie Don’t Talk About gets ripped open…something something Eddie kisses or otherwise says something to Buck but Buck is like…you are SO fucked up right now I can’t even trust that you mean this and even if you do, I can’t (because he’s happy! He’s happy with Tommy, he has a good thing going! Why does this have to be happening now???)—THINKING THOUGHTS

[screechingfromthevoid]

nothing (besides everyone ignoring Orym's deal) has made me angrier than watching Dorian keep up this facade. Dorian Storm has always been a type of mask he's worn. At first he called himself a liar because of it. The happy go lucky bard was a way of escaping for him. He was escaping Brontë so he created Dorian. He didn't believe he was Dorian. Until the Crown Keepers made Dorian real. And for a while, he really believed he was Dorian. That he has this new family and new life and he could be who he truly wanted to be.

And then his brother came back and made his problems Dorian's problems. Until he had to put Brontë back on. Because even if the Crown Keepers + Cyrus called him Dorian, he was Brontë. He had to be who his brother thought he was.

When Cyrus dies, the thread to Brontë had snapped. He was going to see Orym, back to the Bells Hells, back to Dorian Storm. But the foundation of Dorian had shattered. Dorian was created in order to run from his place in life, family, Cyrus. Now he was gone. The Crown Keepers had fallen apart. His friends fell through his fingers and he couldn't do anything to stop it. He was once ready to side with a betrayer god for these people and now they're in the wind.

So Dorian shows back up to Bells Hella and he's completely broken. The foundation of both of his lives has been thoroughly rocked. No brother. No Crown Keepers. The two things that forged Dorian Storm. He wears that mask so fucking well. Because he still wants to believe in it. He said it live on stage that he should "believe his own backstory". The one he made up. The one where he was a bard.

He wants to be Dorian so bad. He spends all his money on Orym, he spins the bottle so he can kiss his friends, he flirts, he blushes and giggles at compliments. Exactly how Dorian would, should.

But he wears the gold of the heir. He has a festering animosity inside his chest. He doesn't sleep. He's thinner than he was. He doesn't sleep. He sicks abominations after their creators. He talks to God's without an ounce of self preservation, daring them to strike him down. He does not acknowledge them as they taunt him.

The god of beauty and magic calls him beautiful and he does not smile.

[gideonnavsenormousbiceps]

jean being self-satisfied about jeremy being attracted to him is both funny and sad primarily because it seems like the first time anyone he's attracted to has genuinely returned his attraction without some sort of ulterior motive, and without him being forced into anything. it's also funny because after jean realizes that Jeremy is interested in men, and obviously looking at him without actually attempting to do anything about it (respecting Jean's boundaries) he preens like a bird but if that bird was a) bisexual b) french c) traumatized as hell

[thelaurenshippen]

the way that silver said "I will stand here with you an hour, a day, a year" to flint and "I will wait a day, a month, a year, forever" to madi....I'm sick to my stomach. who is doing unhinged devotion like this man

[feniksido]

For some reason my post about the Heist in the Hells has been getting some traction recently so I thought maybe it's time to talk about my actual thoughts on what I would like to see in the hypothetical Heist in the Hells DLC (my personal hell)

I was trying to figure out a whole bunch of stuff about Mephistopheles and the 8th layer of the hells! First, the vaults are in Mephistar, a citadel on top of a Glacier named Nargus, which is piloted by Mephisto all over Cania constantly on the move. Mephisto has his slowly melting throne at the very center of the glacier, and the rest of the city is like a mini-hell with 3 terraced levels where the lowest level is with “lowly least devils” and mid tier for mid devils i guess and then hellfire masters and nobles and the wizards on the third higher levels. It’s heated on the inside of Mephistar! It has baths and scented fires (not sure what they smell like but I assume something other than fire?)

The rest of Cania is just like barren wasteland full of just the weirdest left over arcane energy cus of Mephisto’s experimentation, its cold as fuck and it has constant surveillance against spies, mostly spies sent by Dispater, mr THE Arms Dealer of all the planes, so you know that motherfucker mephistopheles is very used to these types of people showing up and trying to go into the vaults and such

NOW Helsik very specifically used the words “I punched a portal into the Archdevil’s dusty vaults”, so I assume it was directly into the vaults that they fell into. I'm not sure how this is even possible but i'm not one to ask questions that i will never understand the answers to (lying, im seething) 

However, regardless of the fact that I don't know how Helsik the queen that she is did that, she did do it. I imagine the vaults are huge and incredibly elaborate and probably several stories? Layers? Deep. The items and scrolls and information must all be neatly cataloged and kept track of in the most particular way because Mephistopheles is nothing if not obsessively controlling of all his knowledge and information

However the whereabouts of the actual physical objects must be like.. Constantly changing or magically protected so that those with no authorization cannot find their way through the vaults

Mephistopheles’s filing system is… insane but i do think he would keep track. Or make someone else keep track. He’s very busy. He typically hands down experiments he ran out of time to deal with in his busy schedule to his lessers so I wouldn't put it past him to have someone else also take care of the cataloging. The Crown of Karsus is NOT high on his priority list so i understand how this was potentially feasible to Gortash and The Dark Urge

Actually Talking about the heist itself now: 

I imagine that if a whole heist dlc (don't think we’re getting one but a man can dream) did happen it would start with a bit of exposition. Probably explaining a little bit of the Letters between Durge and Gortash. Specifically these ones:

Then we cut to a scene where they’re already at Helsik’s place. They’ve discussed the plans in depth, they’ve been doing test runs for this in the House of Hope and now it’s time for the real deal. 

Helsik “punches” the portal into the Vaults and they jump in. The portal closes behind them, Helsik will not allow herself to be implicated in anything. They take in their surroundings; they have to be quick, although it is heated inside of Mephistar the frigidness of Cania cuts deeper than anything Baldur’s Gate could ever manage. I imagine that they, having never been here before, look for something that can help them navigate/orient themselves in the vaults. Perhaps that whole cataloging system I talked about earlier. You can choose to ignore it and just go straight forwards checking every room making it substantially harder and less efficient which makes Gortash a little pissy at you for not taking his advice and helping him look for that or you can look around for one but the actual system for cataloging is encrypted 

Maybe a mini puzzle game can take place here, like the one with the brain in Moonrise Towers 

The thingy would then lead deeper into vaults where they would fight Gelugons (the main residents of the 8th layer also known as ice devils) and other assorted devils including pit fiends and pain devils. Maybe a couple dire polar bears also who knows who Mephisto but on his security team

At one point i want to come across an ice devil that much like Yurgir in the house of hope in act 3, can be convinced to side with you and become a temporary ally (perhaps it holds resentment towards Hutijin, mephistopheles’ second in command, and just got sick and tired of the monotony and wants to stick it to the man, i just want a devil in my party even for a second) 

If you manage to successfully persuade this devil to join you, Gortash might be impressed and tell you about how tricking a devil is no easy feat, you can ask him to elaborate on that and he might tell you a bit about his time in the house of hope as Raphael’s unwilling guest Who knows

Moving on, I’d like several more puzzles to delve deeper into the vaults, some that lead nowhere some that lead exactly where you need to go, if you did the earlier puzzle Gortash will be able to guide you and say which ones lead nowhere and which ones are the ones you need to do 

Eventually I want a mechanically engineered door to be the next hurdle which Gortash takes upon himself to solve on his own since he’s more well suited towards this kind of thing, during this, rounds and rounds of incoming security swarm around you both, and Durge has to defend Gortash while he works on getting the door open. Much like the quest for Halsin looking for Thaniel in the Shadowfell, you gotta keep the portal open but instead of “keep the portal open” its “keep Gortash alive and not distracted”

When the rounds of enemies are done you get a little cutscene where you see Durge being overwhelmed by the many devils and it cuts to Gortash who has just opened the door and he takes less than a second’s pause before he decides that instead of going through the door and escaping to relative safety on his own, leaving durge to die he helps durge and they are both able to get through the door sealing it behind them, now in relative safety, they both take a second to breathe 

You as durge now can talk to Gortash and have the dialogue options to say Thank you, scold him for dragging you away from the bloody slaughter, or question his decision to come back for you

I THINK IN MY MIND that the response for all these options would basically be the same, because Gortash is a well practiced speaker and knows exactly what to say but his body language would sort of give him away for the way he’s feeling about the option you choose 

Thanking him would lead to a more defensive “pushing away” way of saying “I still require your assistance, we’re not done. Don’t expect it to happen again.” tsundere ass but like imagine that but better written 

Scolding him would get a sorta like “I cant fucking believe this” as if he expected durge to be a little more practical about things and not lose focus in the madness that was that slaughter and rampage, like i said still the same but just “Argh! I still require your assistance! We are NOT done. DO NOT expect it to happen again if you intend to act this way.” He needs you to focus, not lose yourself in blood

Questioning and challenging his decision but not outright saying you disapprove would probably be playing right into the whole “equals who challenge each other” thing that he likes to do so it’d probably make him slow down, talk slower, make him really think about why he did it and do the thing where while talking he can't look at Durge in the eyes so he looks off to the side or down at the floor “I still need your help. We’re nowhere near done. Let’s not expect this to happen again, yes?” Like acknowledging that yes that was in fact weakness that neither of their masters tolerate (because obviously the correct thing a baneite would have done is let the bhaalspawn die so that he alone already so close to the crown could take it for himself) and almost regretful that he didn't have a better excuse

You continue forward and finally come into the room with the Crown of Karsus and the portfolio labeled “Accelerated Grand Design”, there they encounter a boss fight, probably not mephisto himself cus they’d be dead tbh but maybe a simulacrum or something idk here things get a bit dicey for me cus what the fuck! How do they get out? I thought maybe they do the fight and once they grab everything they need or want they maybe have an enhanced cloak of dimension door or maybe a scroll of teleportation or something to get them out of the deep deep VAULTS themselves and into a place where they can “safely” create another circle on this side with the components and specific instructions Helsik gave them 

They’d arrive home back in Baldur’s Gate and celebrate their victory briefly and bada bing bada boom the dlc is over. If i had it my way at the end right there those two idiot geniuses would get so horny from the powerrush and bloodlust they just experienced that they end the dlc with durgetash fucking nasty 

[lanternlightss]

okay .. take two !!!

+ bonus doodles

[hella1975]

would you like to talk about how bad the mha ending was hella

as much as i would love to give like. a comprehensive response i genuinely dont think i can get my words together just yet without it being a constant unintelligble stream of 'AND ANOTHER THING-' and bc it's become quite torn in the fandom on if the chapter was good or bad i want like. an actual coherent response here. so i will reblog this if/when i can word it but know IM NOT FUCKING HAPPY

[epickiya722]

To think a whole ass 15 year old is dealing with this...

[parsleysagerosemarytimemachine]

It was Anthy all along; it was always her.

So I was picking raspberries and listening to another Utena rewatch/analysis podcast this morning (as one does), and had a revelation that blew my mind, something I hadn't put the pieces together before...

(spoilers below the cut because there's no way to talk about it without talking about all of it)

So they were reading the opening fairy tale on the podcast, the prince giving the ring to Utena, and this is what came to me:

We've always known that the prince is an illusion. Whatever Dios was, or represents, by the time they could meet Utena in childhood (in whatever sense time exists), there is no person there. To the extent that real things exist outside of Ohtori, I'd always read this as a projection of Akio, a facade of princeliness he puts on while trying to find another person who might be able to win his dueling game for him. After all, he's the one who claims to be a prince, to have been a prince, wanting to reclaim the power of Dios. He is the prince that Touga and Saionji knew, when they biked together to the church and saw Utena hiding in a coffin.

But we also know that who Utena saw in the church was Anthy, a little girl, hurting, that she couldn't help but reach out to.

And why should Akio be there? He has his world in Ohtori that he can't imagine leaving. He sends Anthy to do his work for him, borrowing the power of the Rose Bride since he no longer has the power of the Prince. We know Anthy goes into the world (as Miki and Kozue's new stepmother). We know Anthy is an illusion (you know *hand gestures at everything*, but also specifically Mamiya). Why shouldn't Utena have seen a shining eternal thing, a miracle, the power to revolutionize the world, and remember it as a prince? Why shouldn't she have accepted a ring from the Rose Bride, a promise that if she remains noble and true that they will meet again, and decide that she will be the prince for this bride herself?

And was it a good idea? To follow an illusion that doesn't exist? To be manipulated into a game she can't win? (To reach out a hand to someone caught in a trap?)

Dios has always been Anthy, for Utena.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.

[to-be-a-dreamer]

How am I supposed to be normal when I have to wait a whole week for Grover and Annabeth to learn Percy isn’t actually dead and they didn’t just loose another friend who sacrificed themselves to buy them more time and Annabeth didn’t just loose one of the only people who ever cared about her without making her earn it all because she wasn’t able to see he was tricking her and Grover didn’t break his promise to Sally and do you understand me? That after Percy fell Echidna and the chimera would have come after Annabeth and Grover which could only mean one thing and they had to leave the arch believing they failed? How long do you think they had to wait until Percy came out of the river? How long did they sit beside each other, not saying a word because they failed, they failed again and now they have to finish this quest alone?

[girlatrocity]

??? IS THAT IT?