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justmenoworries · 4 years ago

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Not Up For Interpretation - An Essay On Nonbinary - Erasure

(Trigger Warning: Misgendering, Transphobia, Nonbinary-phobia)

If you’ve been following me for a while, you probably know this was a long time coming. I’ve made several posts about my frustrations concerning this topic and how much it hurt me just how socially accepted erasing an entire identity still is. While representation marches on and things have become better for nonbinary people as a whole, we still battle with a lot of prejudice - both intentional and unintentional.

In this essay, I want to discuss just how our identities are being erased almost daily, why that is harmful and hurtful and what we all can do to change that.

Chapters:

What does Non-binary mean?

Nonbinary- representation in media

So what’s the problem?

How do we fix it?

1. What Does Non-binary Mean?

Non-binary is actually an umbrella term. It includes pretty much every gender-identity that’s neither one or the other so to speak, for example, agender.

Agender means feeling detachment from the gender spectrum in general. If you’re agender, you most likely feel a distance to the concept of gender as a whole, that it doesn’t define you as a person.

There are many identities that classify under non-binary: There’s gender-fluid (you feel you have a gender, but it’s not one gender specifically and can change), demi-gender (identifying as a gender partially, but not completely) and many others.

Sometimes, multiple non-binary identities can mix and match.

Most non-binary people use they/them pronouns, but like with so many things, it varies.

Some nonbinary-people (like me) go by two pairs of pronouns. I go by both she/her and they/them, because it’s what feels most comfortable at the moment. But who knows, maybe in the future I’ll switch to they/them exclusively or expand to he/him.

There is no one defining non-binary experience. Nb-people are just as varied and different as binary people, who go by one specific gender.

There are non-binary people who choose to go solely by she/her or he/him and that’s okay too. It doesn’t make them any more or less non-binary and their identity is still valid.

If your head’s buzzing a bit by now: That’s okay. It’s a complicated topic and no one expects you to understand all of it in one chapter of one essay.

Just know this: If a person identifies as non-binary, you should respect their decision and use the pronouns they go with.

It’s extremely hurtful to refer to someone who already told you that they use they/them pronouns with she/her or he/him, or use they/them to refer to a person who uses she/her.

Think about it like using a trans-person’s deadname: It’s rude, it’s harmful and it shows complete disrespect for the person.

Non-binary people have existed for a very long time. The concept isn’t new. The idea that there are only two genders, with every other identity being an aberration to the norm, is largely a western idea, spread through colonialism.

The Native American people use “Two-Spirit” to describe someone who identifies neither as a man nor a woman. The term itself is relatively new, but the concept of a third gender is deeply rooted in many Native American cultures.

(Author’s Note: If you are not Native American, please do not use it. That’s cultural appropriation.)

In India, the existence of a third gender has always been acknowledged and there are many terms specifically for people who don’t identify with the gender that was assigned to them at birth.

If you’re interested in learning more about non-binary history and non-binary identities around the world, I’d recommend visiting these websites:

https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/History_of_nonbinary_gender

https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Gender-variant_identities_worldwide

https://thetempest.co/2020/02/01/history/the-history-of-nonbinary-genders-is-longer-than-you-think/

https://www.teenvogue.com/story/gender-variance-around-the-world

Also, maybe consider giving this book a try:

Nonbinary Gender Identities: History, Culture, Resources by Charlie Mcnabb

2. Non-binary Representation In Media

The representation of non-binary people in mainstream media hasn’t been... great, to put it mildly.

Representation, as we all know, is important.

Not only does it give minorities a chance to see themselves in media and feel heard and acknowledged. It also normalizes them.

For example, seeing a black Disney-princess was a huge deal for many black little girls, because they could finally say there was someone there who looked like them. They could see that being white wasn’t a necessity to be a Disney princess.

Seeing a canonically LGBT+ character in a children’s show teaches kids that love is love, no matter what gender you’re attracted to. At the same time, older LGBT+ viewers will see themselves validated and heard in a movie that features on-screen LGBT+ heroes.

There’s been some huge steps in the right direction in the last few years representation-wise.

Not only do we have more LGBT+ protagonists and characters in general, we’ve also begun to question and call out harmful or bigoted portrayals of the community in media, such as “Bury Your Gays” or the “Depraved Homosexual”.

With that being said: Let’s take a look at how Non-binary representation holds up in comparison, shall we?

This is Double Trouble, from the children’s show “She-Ra And The Princesses Of Power”.

They identify as non-binary and use they/them pronouns. They’re also a slimy, duplicitous lizard-person who can change their shape at will.

Um, yeah.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Did I mention they’re also the only non-binary character in the entire show? And that they’re working with a genocidal dictator in most of the episodes they’re in?

Yikes.

Let’s look at another example.

These three (in order of appearance) are Stevonnie, Smoky Quartz and Shep. Three characters appearing in the kid’s show “Steven Universe” and it’s epilogue series “Steven Universe: Future”.

All of them identify as non-binary and use they/them as pronouns.

Stevonnie and Smoky Quartz are the result of a boy and a girl being fused together through weird alien magic.

Shep is a regular human, but they only appeared in one episode. In an epilogue series that only hardcore fans actually watched.

Well, I mean...

One out of three isn’t that bad, right?

Maybe we should pick an example from a series for older viewers.

Say hello to Doppelganger, a non-binary superhuman who goes by they/them, from the Amazon-series “The Boys”.

They’re working for a corrupt superhero-agency and use their power of shape-shifting to trick people who pose a threat to said agency into having sex with them. And then blackmail those people with footage of said sex.

....

Do I even need to say it?

If you’ve paid attention during the listing of these examples, you might have noticed a theme.

Namely that characters canonically identifying as non-binary are either

supernatural in some way, shape or form,

barely have a presence in the piece of media they’re in,

both.

Blink-and-you-miss-it-manner of representation aside, the majority of these characters fall squarely under what we call “Othering”.

“Othering” describes the practice of portraying minorities as supernatural creatures or otherwise inhuman. Or to say it bluntly: As “The Other”.

“Othering” is a pretty heinous method. Not only does it portray minorities as inherently abnormal and “different in a bad way”. It also goes directly against what representation is actually for: Normalizing.

As a general rule of thumb: If your piece of media has humans in it, but the only representation of non-white, non-straight people are explicitly inhuman... yeah, that’s bad.

So is there absolutely no positive representation for us out there?

Not quite.

As rare as human non-binary characters in media are to find, they do exist.

Here we have Bloodhound! A non-binary human hunter who uses they/them pronouns, from the game “Apex Legends”.

It’s been confirmed by the devs and the voice actress that they’re non-binary.

Nice!

These are Frisk (bottom) and Chara (top) from the game “Undertale”. While their exact gender identity hasn’t been disclosed, they both canonically use they/them pronouns, so it’s somewhere on the non-binary spectrum.

Two human children who act as the protagonist (Frisk) and antagonist (Chara), depending on how you play the game. (Interpretations vary on the antagonist/protagonist-thing, to say the least.)

Cool!

......

And, yep, that’s it.

As my little demonstration here showed, non-binary representation in media is rare. Good non-binary representation is even rarer.

Which is why those small examples of genuinely good representation are so important to the Non-binary community!

It’s hard enough to have to prove you exist. It’s even harder to prove your existence is not abnormal or unnatural.

If you’d like to further educate yourself on representation, it’s impact on society and why it matters, perhaps take a second to read through these articles:

https://www.criticalhit.net/opinion/representation-media-matters/

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/arts/why-on-screen-representation-matters-according-to-these-teens

https://jperkel.github.io/sciwridiversity2020/

https://www.forbes.com/sites/quora/2019/05/22/why-is-equal-representation-in-media-important/?sh=25f2ccc92a84

https://www.theodysseyonline.com/why-representation-the-media-matters

3. So What’s The Problem?

The problem, as is the case with so many things in the world, is prejudice.

Actually, that’s not true.

There’s not a problem, there are multiple problems. And their names are prejudice, ignorance and bigotry.

Remember how I said human non-binary representation is rare?

Yeah, very often media-fans don’t help.

Let’s take for example, the aforementioned Frisk and Chara from “Undertale”.

Despite the game explicitly using they/them to refer to both characters multiple times, the majority of players somehow got it into their heads that Frisk’s and Chara’s gender was “up for interpretation”.

There is a huge amount of fan art straight-up misgendering both characters and portraying them as binary and using only he/him or she/her pronouns.

The most egregious examples are two massively popular fan-animated web shows: “Glitchtale”, by Camila Cuevas and “Underverse” by Jael Peñaloza.

Both series are very beloved by the Undertale-fanbase and even outside of it. Meaning for many people, those two shows might be their first introduction to “Undertale” and it’s two non-binary human characters.

Take a wild guess what both Camila and Jael did with Frisk and Chara.

Underverse, X-Tale IV:

(Transcript: “Frisk lied to me in the worst possible way... I... I will never forgive him.”)

Underverse, X-Tale V:

(Transcript: “I-It’s Chara... and it’s a BOY.”)

Glitchtale, My Promise:

(Transcript: (Referring to Frisk) “I’m not scared of an angry boy anymore.”)

Glitchtale, Game Over Part 1:

(Transcript: (Referring to Chara) “It’s ok little boy.”)

This... this isn’t okay.

Not only do both of these pieces of fan-art misgender two non-binary characters, the creators knew beforehand that Frisk and Chara use they/them-pronouns, but made the conscious choice to ignore that.

To be fair, in a video discussing “Underverse”, Jael said that only X-Tale Frisk and Chara, the characters you see in the Underverse-examples above, are male, while the characters Frisk and Chara from the main game remained non-binary and used they/them (time-stamp 10:34).

Still, that doesn’t erase the fact that Jael made up alternate versions of two non-binary characters specifically to turn them male. Or that, while addressing the issue, Jael was incredibly dismissive and even mocked the people who felt hurt by her turning two non-binary characters male. Jael also went on to make a fairly non-binary-phobic joke in the video, in which she equated gender identities beyond male and female to identifying as an object.

Jael (translated): “I don’t care if people say the original Frisk and Chara are male, female, helicopters, chairs, dogs or cats, buildings, clouds...”

That’s actually a very common joke among transphobes, if not to say the transphobe-joke:

“Oh, you identify as X? Well then I identify as an attack helicopter!”

If you’re trans, chances are you’ve heard this one, or a variation of it, a million times before.

I certainly have.

I didn’t laugh then and I’m not laughing now.

(Author’s note: I might be angry at both of them for what they did, but I do not, under any circumstances, support the harassment of creators. If you’re thinking about sending either Jael or Camila hate-mail - don’t. It won’t help.)

Jael’s reaction is sadly common in the Undertale fandom. Anyone speaking up against Chara’s and Frisk’s identity being erased is immediately bludgeoned with the “up for interpretation”-argument, despite that not once being the case in the game.

And even with people who do it right and portray Frisk and Chara as they/them, you’ll have dozens of commenters swarming the work with sentences among the lines of “Oh but I think Frisk is a boy/girl! And Chara is a girl/boy!”

By the way, this kind of thing only happens to Frisk and Chara.

Every other character in “Undertale” is referred to and portrayed with their proper pronouns of she/her or he/him.

But not the characters who go by they/them.

Their gender is “up for interpretation”.

Because obviously, their identity couldn’t possibly be canonically non-binary.

Sadly, Frisk and Chara are not alone in this.

Remember Bloodhound?

And how I said they’d been confirmed as non-binary and using they/them pronouns by both the creators and the voice actress?

It seems for many players, that too translated to “up for interpretation”.

(Transcript: “does it matter what they call him? He, her, it, they toaster oven, it doesn’t matter”)

(Transcript: “I’m like 90 % sure Bloodhound is a dude because he could just sound like a girl and by their age that I’m assuming looks around 10-12 because I’ve known many males who have sounded like a female when they were younger”)

(Transcript: “I don’t care it will always be a He. F*ck that non-binary bullsh*t.”)

(Transcript: “Bloodhound is clearly female.”)

(Transcript: “I’m not calling a video game character they/them”)

(Transcript: “exactly. The face was never fully shown neither was the gender so I’d say it means that the player is Bloodhound. So it’s your gender and you refer to “him” as yourself. It’s like a self insertion in my eyes.”)

So, let me get this straight:

If a character, even a player character, uses she/her or he/him, you can accept it, no questions asked.

But when a character uses they/them, suddenly their identity and gender are “up for interpretation”?

This attitude is also widely prevalent in real life.

Many languages only include pronouns for men and women, with no third option available. Non-binary people are often forced to make up their own terms, because their language doesn’t provide one.

Non-binary people often don’t fit within other people’s ideas of gender, so they get excluded altogether. Worse, non-binary people are often the victims of misgendering, denial of their identity or even straight-up violence when coming out.

People will often tell us that we look like a certain gender, so we should only use one set of gendered pronouns. Never mind that that’s not what we want. Never mind that that’s not who we are.

Non-binary people are also largely omitted from legal documentation and studies. We cannot identify as non-binary at our workplace, because using they/them pronouns is considered “unprofessional”. We don’t have our own bathrooms like men and women do. Our gender is seen as less valid than male and female, so even that basic thing is denied to us. I’ve had to use the women’s restroom my entire life, because if I go into a male restroom, I’ll be yelled at or made fun off or simply get told I took the wrong door. It’s extremely uncomfortable for me and I wish I didn’t have to do it.

And since non-binary people aren’t seen as “real transgender-people”, we often don’t receive the medical care we need. This often renders us unable to feel good within our bodies, because the treatment and help we get is wildly inadequate.

It’s especially horrible for intersex people (people who are born with sex characteristics that don’t fit solely into the male/female category) who are often forced to change their bodies to fit within the male/female gender binary.

And you better believe each of those problems is increased ten-fold for non-binary people of color.

We are ignored and dismissed as “confused”, because of who we are.

Representation is a way for Non-binary people to show the world they exist, that they’re here and that they too have stories to tell.

But how can we, when every character that represents us is either othered, barely there or gets taken away from us?

We are not “up for interpretation”.

Neither are the characters in media who share our identity.

And it’s time to stop pretending we ever were.

For more information about Non-Binary Erasure and how harmful it is, you can check out these articles:

https://everydayfeminism.com/2015/08/common-non-binary-erasure/

https://www.dailydot.com/irl/nonbinary-people-racism/

https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/Nonbinary_erasure

https://traj.openlibhums.org/articles/10.16995/traj.422/

https://medium.com/an-injustice/everyday-acts-of-non-binary-erasure-49ee970654fb

https://medium.com/national-center-for-institutional-diversity/the-invisible-labor-of-liberating-non-binary-identities-in-higher-education-3f75315870ec

https://musingsofanacademicasexual.wordpress.com/2015/05/11/dear-sirmadam-a-commentary-on-non-binary-erasure/

4. How Do We Fix It?

Well, first things first: Stop acting like we don’t exist.

And kindly stop other people from doing it too.

We are a part of the LGBT+ community and we deserve to be acknowledged, no matter what our pronouns are.

Address non-binary people with the right pronouns. Don’t argue with them about their identity, don’t comment on how much you think they look like a boy or a girl. Just accept them and be respectful.

If a non-binary person tells you they have two sets of pronouns, for example he/him and they/them, don’t just use one set of pronouns. That can come off as disingenuous. Alternate between the pronouns, don’t leave one or the other out. It’ll probably be hard at first, but if you keep it up, you’ll get used to it pretty quickly.

If you’re witnessing someone harass a non-binary person over their identity, step in and help them.

And please, don’t partake in non-binary erasure in media fandoms.

Don’t misgender non-binary characters, don’t “speculate” on what you think their gender might be. You already know their gender and it’s non-binary. It costs exactly 0 $ to be a decent human being and accept that.

Support Non-Binary people by educating yourself about them and helping to normalize and integrate their identity.

In fact, here’s a list of petitions, organizations and articles who will help you do just that:

https://www.change.org/p/collegeboard-let-students-use-their-preferred-name-on-collegeboard-9abad81a-0fdf-435c-8fca-fe24a5df6cc7?source_location=topic_page

6 Ways to Support Your Non-Binary Child

7 Non-Negotiables for Supporting Trans & Non-Binary Students in Your Classroom

If Your Partner Just Came Out As Non-Binary, Here’s How To Support Them

How to Support Your Non-Binary Employees, Colleagues and Friends

Ko-fi page for the Nonbinary Wiki

The Sylvia Rivera Project, an organization who aims to give low-income and non-white transgender, intersex and non-binary people a voice

The Anti Violence Project “empowers lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, and HIV-affected communities and allies to end all forms of violence through organizing and education, and supports survivors through counseling and advocacy."

The Trans Lifeline, a hotline for transgender people by transgender people

Tl:DR: Non-Binary representation is important. Non-Binary people still suffer from society at large not acknowledging our existence and forcing us to conform. Don’t be part of that problem by taking away what little representation we have. Educate yourself and do better instead. We deserve to be seen and heard.

#non-binary #agender #demigender #gender identity #essay #erasure #lgbt representation #misgendering #undertale #she ra spop #apex bloodhound #doppelganger #steven universe

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thelastspeecher · 5 years ago

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Stanuary ‘20 - Week Three: AUs

I’ve been busy working on my Master’s thesis and thus haven’t been able to do any Stanuary yet. But now that I’m basically done (just gotta drop my thesis off at the thesis library Friday) I’m hoping to do all four weeks. Just....not in chronological order. Anyways, the prompt for week three was practically MADE for me. Not to brag or anything, but I’m basically the non-binary ruler of AUs.

So, to really go whole hog with the AU prompt, I went with a crossover between two of my favorite AUs: the MerGucket AU and the Stay-at-Home Stan AU. I’ve written something for this particular crossover before, so this is a follow-up to that. Basically, Ford does research at sea, and when he has his big blow-up with Bill, jumps overboard, only to be rescued by Stan, who has somehow become a merman during their time apart. Not just a merman, but a father, too. Here’s Stan explaining how that came about.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ford stared intently at the multicolored cuttlefish idly swimming by.

It looks similar to the kraken I saw last month. Do kraken crossbreed? Or do juvenile kraken resemble cuttlefish?

“Uh, Ford?” Stan asked, startling Ford free from his thoughts. Ford looked over.

“Yes?”

“We’re here,” Stan said. He jerked a thumb behind him.

“You live in a cliff?” Ford asked.

“Yeah.” Stan looked over at the cliff. “The door’s hidden, though. Gotta make sure scuba divers or submarines or whatever don’t find us.” Promptly after offering for Ford to stay at his place temporarily, Stan had led Ford into a partially submerged hidden cave, walked into the water, and transformed into a merman. The casual nature of the act was off-putting to Ford, but not as much as the mumbled charm Stan had then cast on Ford to allow him to breathe underwater.

Stan knows spells. Well, at least one spell. How is this reality? How is my high school dropout twin brother a merman with a capacity for magic? Stan’s daughter, Molly, still nestled in his arms, snored loudly. Stan looked down at her with a fond, loving expression. Ford’s stomach turned over. Stan’s not just a merman now. He’s also a father, and a doting one at that. Stan whispered something to Molly in a different language.

“So, um, the door is hidden,” Ford said. “Where is it?” Stan looked up.

“I’ll show you, but I need to get Angie’s brother outta the house, first.”

“Pardon?”

“We can’t just leave the eggs unsupervised,” Stan said.

That’s right. Stan mentioned something about eggs.

“Angie’s older brother offered to watch ‘em while we went on our walk. Swim. Whatever. But he had a bad experience with a human not too long ago, so I don’t think he’d wanna see you. Just hide behind that rock or something.” Stan nodded at a large boulder near Ford. “Once he’s gone, I’ll let you in.”

“Okay, but-” Ford started. Stan ignored him and swam over to the cliff. Ford let out a sigh. He ducked behind the boulder and pulled out his journal, flicking through the pages idly. He landed on the page where he had started a drawing of Stan, before he’d recognized the merman he was observing.

At least I’ll be able to finish this sketch. I wonder if I can get Stan to sit in this pose again.

-----

After about fifteen minutes, which Ford spent writing about this latest development, the sound of voices carried to where Ford was hiding. Stan said something in the same foreign language he’d spoken in before. A second voice, which sounded very familiar to Ford, responded in the same tongue. Ford closed his journal and held it close to his chest. He could make out a flick of a green tail with light yellow fins as Angie’s brother passed the boulder. The merman disappeared quickly into the distance.

“All right, you can come in now,” Stan said, appearing next to Ford so suddenly it startled him. Instead of being carried in Stan’s arms, Molly was now nestled in a sling draped across Stan’s chest. Ford stared. “C’mon, Sixer. I gotta put Molly in her actual bed or she’s not gonna sleep well. She wakes up way too often as it is.” Ford nodded silently. He followed Stan to the cliff face, where Stan, with a practiced motion, slipped his fingers into a crack in the rock and pulled. A portion of rock the size of a door swung open. ��

“Slick,” Ford said. Stan rolled his eyes.

“Shut up and get inside.” Ford hurriedly swam in. Stan followed, closing the door behind him. Ford looked around in interest.

“How is it so light in here? Do merfolk have lamps?”

“Uh, sorta,” Stan said, already heading off, deeper into the house. “They use, um…I don’t know the English word for it. They grow stuff that glows.”

“Bioluminescent?” Ford suggested. Stan shrugged.

“You can ask Angie. She might not know the English word, but she can explain it better than I can. Anyways, we have some lamps, but we don’t need them right now. Enough light gets through the windows.”

“Windows?” Ford spun in a circle. His eyes widened at the sight of a window above a couch. “I didn’t see this from the outside. Are they specially designed?”

“Nah, stole ‘em from sunken ships,” Stan called from wherever he was. “You can’t see ‘em from the outside ‘cause of an optical illusion thing. If you get close to the cliff, they’re more obvious, but not from a distance.”

“Remarkable,” Ford muttered.

“Ford.” Ford turned around again. Stan’s head was sticking out of a room down the hall. “You’ll wanna see this.”

“Not that I doubt you, but why?”

“Don’t you wanna check out a mer egg?”

“A- yes!” Ford swam over. When he entered the room, his eyes were immediately drawn to the large basket leaning against one wall. The basket held two things: Molly, fast asleep and curled up into a ball, and one large, red fish egg. Ford frowned. “You said eggs. Plural.”

“Slip of the tongue. We haven’t been down to one egg for very long.”

“Why is the basket so large?”

“It’s called a guppy basket,” Stan said. “It’s where eggs go and the baby mers sleep until they outgrow it. Normally, mers have a bare minimum of ten kids at once. But when one of the parents used to be human…” Stan trailed off. Ford looked over at him. Disappointment had settled on Stan’s face. Stan noticed Ford looking and cleared his throat hurriedly, wiping away his saddened expression. “When that happens, there aren’t as many kids. Angie laid fifteen eggs. Usually a clutch has at least twenty. And of those fifteen Angie laid, only two are gonna hatch.”

“What happened to the other eggs?”

“Duds,” Stan said flatly. “Clutches have a lot of duds. That’s why mers have so many eggs at once.” He sighed. “It’s fine, though. I can handle two kids a lot better than I could handle ten.”

“This is…I’m completely astounded,” Ford said, shaking his head. “You- how-”

“They taught me a lot,” Stan said with a shrug. “Even taught me their language, Mermish.”

Oh, that must be the language he was speaking earlier.

“Kinda had to,” Stan continued, “since I was born human, not mer.”

“Yes. You were.” Ford looked at Stan inquisitorially. “How did you become mer?”

“I told you. I fell in love with a mermaid and ate a magic plant.”

“Give me the unabridged version. I feel I’m owed that much.”

“Fine.” Stan looked over at Molly and the last egg. “Let’s talk in the living room. Molly’s a pretty heavy sleeper, but I don’t wanna roll those dice. Babies are the complete monsters when they get woken up.”

-----

Ford settled himself on the couch, attempting to ignore the way his clothes floated upwards, tugging on his skin. Stan sat across from him in an armchair. He snickered.

“What?” Ford asked.

“You’ve got a cape on, like you’re Super Nerd or somethin’. Why did you bother wearing that underwater?”

“I-” Ford looked back. Sure enough, his trench coat was spread out behind him like a wedding train. He scowled and tucked it under him. “Don’t tease me, Stanley. I’ve been too shell-shocked by all of this to act upset with you, but by no means am I going to brush what happened ten years ago under the rug.”

“You’re in no position to make any threats towards me,” Stan said. “I’m the one who cast the spell so you could breathe underwater. I can remove it any time I want.” Ford swallowed. “Anyways, you wanted to know how I turned into a merman.”

“…Yes,” Ford said softly. Stan ignored his brother’s obvious unease.

If he didn’t want me to threaten him, he shouldn’t have threatened me first. So what if what I said had a bit more of a bite than he probably expected? That’s what happens when you mess with merfolk. Stan sighed and settled into his armchair.

“All right. Well, when Pops kicked me out, I took the Stan O’War out to sea. Not my smartest idea. Prob’ly shoulda taken the Stanleymobile. I mean, I sailed into a storm pretty much right away. I kept trying to bail her out, but it was raining buckets. I went overboard. Next thing I knew, I woke up on a beach. My clothes were soaked, I had no idea where I was, but I wasn’t too worried.”

“…Why not?”

“‘Cause one of the prettiest chicks I’ve ever seen had my head in her lap.” Stan grinned at the memory, clear enough to have happened yesterday. “And I just…I just stared at her.”

-----

Stan stared up at the young woman with his head in her lap. She seemed like a personification of the sea, with eyes as blue as the ocean and hair the color of the beach he used to play on with Ford. Faint freckles spilled across her nose and cheeks like she had spilled cinnamon but not bothered to wipe it off. The young woman stared back at him, smiling like she had a secret as she stroked Stan’s hair.

“Hi,” Stan finally croaked. The young woman’s smile broadened.

“Hello. You almost drowned, do you realize that?” Her voice was sweet and melodious, comforting like waves crashing onto the shore.

“Figured. Since I went overboard and woke up on a beach. Did- did you save me?”

“Yep.”

“H-how?”

“I’m a good swimmer.”

“What’s your name?”

“My full name’s awfully long and I ain’t too fond of it. But I go by Angie.”

“Angie. I’m Stan.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet ya, Stan.”

“Your accent…are you from the south?” Stan asked. A twinkle entered Angie’s eye.

“One could say I’m from the deep south, yes.”

“Kinda weird way to say it, but whatever.” Stan began to slowly get up. Angie stopped stroking his hair and scooched to the side, allowing him to sit up on his own. He looked over at her. “So where…” He trailed off, catching side of Angie’s bottom half. Instead of legs, she had a large, ostentatious yellow tail with pink fins. His jaw dropped. “You- you’re-”

“A mermaid, yes,” Angie said softly. Stan continued to gape at her. “I- technically, I wasn’t s’pposed to let you see me, but I wanted to make sure you woke up.” She looked away. “Even more technically, I wasn’t s’pposed to save you in the first place.”

“Then- then why did you?” Stan asked, still trying to wrap his mind around what was happening. Angie looked at him, her eyes soft and compassionate.

“I couldn’t let you just drown when I saw ya go overboard. I mean, yer only my age. Yer fam’ly must be worried sick about you.”

“Not really,” Stan mumbled, looking down at the ground. He idly flicked away a seashell. “They couldn’t care less about me.”

“…Really?” Angie asked. Stan nodded. “What makes you say that?”

“For one thing, they kicked me outta the house.” Angie was silent for a moment.

“They shouldn’t have done that,” she said finally. Stan snorted.

“Yeah. I fucking agree.” He sighed. “Whatever. Uh, thanks for rescuing me, I guess.” He got to his feet and looked around. “Do you have any idea where we are?”

“I don’t know the human name for it.”

Of course she doesn’t.

“But it’s uninhabited.”

“It’s-” Stan stared at the mermaid. “You- this is a desert island?”

“No. It’s got a tropical forest. It’s not a desert.”

“No, not- a desert island is an island that doesn’t have people on it.” Stan ran a hand through his hair. “Shit!”

“Look, it’ll be fine.”

“How?” Stan demanded. “I’m not some survivalist nutjob. I don’t know how to build shelter or kill squirrels or whatever. I can’t-”

“I can help with that,” Angie said, standing up as well. Stan huffed.

“Yeah, right. Like you can help me make a little hut outta sticks. You don’t even…have…legs…” Stan stared at her. Angie grinned cheekily. “Wh-” He looked down. Her tail had been replaced by two slender, pale legs. Stan looked away immediately upon realizing that she was completely nude from the waist down. “How-”

“It’s a long story. But merfolk can shift into a human form if need be.” Angie looked down at the sand and wiggled her toes. “I don’t take a human form often. Don’t really feel the desire to. But I want to help you out.”

“The best way you could help me out would be to…” Stan trailed off. Angie looked at him curiously.

“What?”

“No, that’s stupid.”

“Tell me.”

“Do you- if you can turn human, can I turn into a merman?” Stan asked. Angie eyed him. “I- honestly, I don’t really see a reason to stay on land. I don’t have anyone who cares about me, I don’t have any plans, there’s nothin’ tying me to staying human.” Stan could feel dread and sadness sinking heavily onto his shoulders.

Pops wouldn’t ever let me back, even if I did make a million dollars. And why would I go back anyways? Ford? He’s never gonna forgive me. Shermie and Mom? Mom let Pops kick me out, and the age gap with Shermie was too big for us to get close. I don’t have anyone. I don’t have anywhere.

“It- it might be kinda nice to start over. Somewhere else,” Stan continued. Angie pursed her lips.

“You should sleep on it,” she said finally. Stan stuffed his hands into the pockets of his drenched pants.

“That’s a no, then?”

“Not necessarily. I know there’re ways fer humans to become mer. I don’t know the details, though. I’d have to ask my parents. And I’ll have to explain why I’m asking.” Angie chewed on the inside of her cheek thoughtfully. “It’s- it’s possible. But you’d have to prove yer worthy of becomin’ mer first.”

“How do I do that?” Stan asked. Angie shrugged. “You can’t give me any details? Really?”

“Look, I- yer the first human I’ve ever talked to fer this long. Even if I knew everything about the process of turnin’ humans mer, I’d have a moral obligation to be quiet until you’ve earned our trust.” She looked out to sea. “And like I said, you should sleep on it, first. Givin’ up bein’ human to become mer is not somethin’ you should take lightly. And it’s not somethin’ you should do just ‘cause ya have no other options. You should want to do it fer a stronger reason than that.”

“Like what?”

“Well, my ma did it fer love.”

“Your mom used to be human?” Stan asked, aghast. Angie nodded.

“Yes. She fell in love with my pa and became a mer so they could be together.” Angie looked at Stan. “I ain’t sayin’ ya need to fall in love with a mer, but ya need a reason just as strong.” She shrugged. “Anyways. First things first. I’ll help ya make some shelter, maybe even help ya do some foraging. And tomorrow, I can come back with my folks. They’ll help figure this thing out.”

“Sounds good,” Stan said with a nod, his heart racing.

I can’t believe a mermaid rescued me and might make me a merman. What the actual hell is going on right now? A small smile tugged the corners of Angie’s mouth.

“What?” Stan asked. Angie shook her head.

�� “Oh, nothin’. Just thinkin’ ‘bout how odd you are.”

“Really? You think I’m odd?”

“You asked to be turned mer within five minutes of meetin’ me.” Angie grinned. “That’s odd.” Stan managed a smile back.

“Fair.”

-----

“That’s how you met your wife?” Ford asked.

“Yeah. But, technically, she’s not my wife. Merfolk don’t really have marriage. Angie and I are mated.”

“Does being mates still involve a union ceremony of some sort?”

“Yes.”

“Well, as far as Mom would be concerned, then, you’re married,” Ford said with a small smile. Stan chuckled. “Stanley, I’m honestly flabbergasted by all of this. It seems…”

“Impossible?” Stan suggested. Ford nodded. “I feel the same way.” He leaned forward and clasped his hands. He saw Ford immediately zero in on the red webbing between his fingers. “Some days I wake up and I can’t believe where I am. I’ve got the most amazing person in the world as my mate, I’ve got a daughter, and I’m gonna have another kid any day now.”

“Also, you’re a merman.”

“That, too.” Stan eyed Ford. “And now, you’re gonna be sleeping on my couch until we figure out how to get Bill off your back.”

“Yes.” Ford paused. “Thank you, by the way.”

“No problem. I’ll take any chance I can get to stick it to a mer hunter. Angie lost one of her aunts to a mer hunter. And I damn near got killed, too.”

“Wait, really?” Ford asked. Stan nodded. He laughed, but it was clearly forced.

“Turns out Carla McCorkle went into that business. My own ex-girlfriend was about to kill me and sell my scales to the highest bidder. Good thing Angie intervened. If she hadn’t threatened to down Carla’s ship, I’d, well. You can figure it out.”

“Sorry, did you say that Angie is capable of sinking an entire ship?” Ford asked, holding up a finger. Stan raised an eyebrow.

“She’s a siren, Sixer. That’s what they do.”

“Are you a-”

“Oh, hell no.” Stan tilted his head. “Well, technically, I’m a siren. That’s the kinda mer I am. But that’s not my job. Sinking ships requires singing, and even magic can’t fix a voice like mine. It made me extra persuasive when I talk, but if I try to sing, I still sound like a frog in a bucket.”

“Siren is both a type of mer and a career?” Ford asked. Stan nodded. “Hmm. Interesting. If you don’t sink ships, then what do you do? Do merfolk need to have jobs?”

“Usually, yeah. Mine is taking care of Molly. And when the other egg hatches, taking care of Stanley Jr.” Stan grinned. “It’s gonna be a boy, I can tell.”

“You-” Ford stared at Stan. Stan stared back.

“What?”

“You’re a stay-at-home dad?”

“Yep.” Stan stretched languidly. “Best job in the world.” Ford shook his head, trying to hide his astonishment. The front door opened. Stan looked over. “Hey, babe.”

“Hello, darlin’,” Angie crooned, swimming over and kissing the top of his head. Stan grinned up at her. “I stopped by Fidds’ place to check on him and his clutch. He said the egg was movin’ ‘round a lot today?”

“Yep. Stanley Jr. is gonna hatch any day now.”

“Oh, hon. We aren’t namin’-” A small squeak came from the couch. Stan and Angie looked over. Ford was as pale as a sheet. “We have a visitor,” Angie said mildly.

“Yeah, Ford got on the bad side of someone pretty nasty, so he’s gonna stay here for a bit,” Stan said.

“Understood. I’ll go check on Miss Molly. She’s prob’ly hungry.” As if on cue, crying sounded through the house. Angie chuckled. “Speak of the devil.” She nodded politely at Ford. “Pleasure to meet you, Stanford. We’ll have to have a proper introduction once I take care of Molly.”

“Yes,” Ford mumbled. Angie left. Stan looked at Ford, concerned.

“What’s wrong, Sixer? You look like you saw a ghost.”

“I-” Ford took a steadying breath. “Angie is very similar in appearance to my former first mate, who disappeared from my ship a month ago. While we were in the middle of the ocean.”

“Okay…” Stan said slowly.

“He- Angie mentioned someone named ‘Fidds’. My former first mate, he sometimes went by that nickname,” Ford continued. Dread began to build in Stan’s gut. “Angie’s last name wouldn’t happen to be ‘McGucket’, would it?”

“No,” Stan said. Relief broke across Ford’s face. “It’s MerGucket. But when her older brother pretended to be human to work for some researcher, he used McGucket instead.” Ford groaned loudly. He put his head in his hands.

“Oh, no.”

“Took the words right outta my mouth.”

#oof didn't want that long of an intro but I need to Explain lmao #Stanuary #MerGucket AU #Stay at Home Stan AU #Stanford Pines #Stanley Pines #Angie McGucket #Stangie #my writing #my stuff #speecher speaks

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canon-notcanon-warriorcats · 6 years ago

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Im gonna come to you for this because you're honestly like an idol to me (Im sure you hate to hear that lmao) and I feel like you would understand. You're non-binary right? I can't remember if you spoke about it but you use "they/them" pronouns and Im gonna assume that for the sake of the question. Either way! I've been questioning identifying as something other than cis-gendered. How did you know? And have you told people? What's the difference between relating to and empathizing with a problem

oh my god klsnalksm;lakdns;am i’m so honored thank you, but really i’m no one to idolize i’m an unemployed adult who is stuck in life who makes jokes and shit posts about fictional cats but thank you sidjk;lsz;

sorry this took so long to answer i was too tired and i wanted to think on it for a while so i can answer everything well and be at least hopefully a little organized and my answers/explanations to be legible

also this is getting long so i’m putting the rest of this under the cut wheeeeeeeeeeeeee

Yes! I am (at least partially) non-binary, I’m genderfluid and for me in particular I’m a girl sometimes, both a boy and a girl mixed together, and something in between all at once and at different times depending on who knows what, i’m like when you put soda in a cup and then put all of the different fountain drinks in at varying amounts and you do that each time you go to the restaurant but with different amounts of each soda, but like it’s USUALLY a pepsi base

anyway, it took me a long time to know, or i guess realize that i wasn’t cis because i guess i didn’t know i could? but in hindsight there were a LOT of signs and starting when i was 17 i think i started dipping my toes in different gender identities after i found out about the term “demigirl” and that’s what i kind of stuck with for a while

and then i questioned myself like am i really trans? i’m afab and identify as a demigirl does that really count (yes it does) but anyway after i went to college i was like no i think it’s just because several of my friends were questioning their gender, i’m a girl, and it wasn’t until a couple years ago that i finally FULLY realized “no, my gender is fluid, and i am a girl PLUS somethings between boy and girl and sometimes they all mixed together, sometimes all at once, sometimes individually (though very rarely FULL boy)

some things that i recognize in hindsight were signs (or were just weird foreshadows/coincidences of me being a mix of genders and it’s amusing now) include:

-when i was like 7 or 8 or 9 or something i made an image of what i’d look like as an adult in my head (or just older since in my fantasy i was 13 years old because that was obviously old enough to be a billionaire and own a castle and adopt children and a million animals and be a pokemon master, but i thought of an adult body) and my face was pretty feminine but my body shape was very masculine, flat chest, rectangular body shape, wore men-styled-ish jeans, and thickish arms

-in 7th grade for “some reason” i spent several moments thinking about what would happen if one day i came in as a boy named michael (since that’s kInD oF the “male” or “masculine” version of my name) and if like they’d recognize me or if they’d change my name on the registration or if anyone’d get confused or anything, this was also the year i found out that sex changes were a thing, i think, either 7th grade or 6th grade

-and the big one(s) for like my ENTIRE LIFE, even to this day, i would feel so confused if a girl talked to me like i was another one of the girls, specifically if they would like ask if their shirt tag was poking out and asking me to fix it, or ask if their bra strap could be seen through their shirt, asking me if their hair or clothes looked okay, asking to walk to the bathroom with them, GOING to the girls’ bathroom in general, chaning in the girls’ sometimes even being called a girl entirely, etc. made me feel

weird

like an “i’m not one of you” or “i’m not entirely like you” feeling and i thought that it was just because i’m awkward and shy and anxious that i went into the wrong room and then later oh i’m just gay and then to my realization: “oooooooooooooooooooooooooooh that’s why” and “oh, i was anxious i went into the wrong bathroom/changing room, but i also felt like i shouldn’t be in that room anyway because i’m not just a girl or not entirely a girl”

i also have and had a lot of dreams where like i was either a guy, felt almost genderless entirely, or where i would for some reason go into male bathrooms/changing rooms even though i’m not a guy (entirely or mostly)

also i i realized my favorite shirts were the ones that made my boobs look smaller or less existent, my voice would confuse me, either it being too high or low and make me confused uncomfortable because it “didn’t fit” my gender, and sometimes being called a girl or someone saying i looked like a woman made and makes me uncomfortable, and i guess the most nsfw/graphic part of this is that sometimes i fantasize and/or wish i had like

a mix of genitalia and i wish i could change my breast size and upper body shape to be flatter/more rectangular, but it’s mostly the genitalia thing, the body shape changing parts don’t happen ALL the time and not as much, but still sometimes especially if i see someone’s more masculine body and i’m just like “wow i wish that were me”, though being overweight kind of helps in that because my body shape looks more neutral, if i was thin i might have more problems with that

also, especially lately for some reason i get very irritated or uncomfortable if certain people call me a girl or she/her, very certain people i’m okay with calling me a girl and she/her but to people i don’t know well or aren’t super close to i don’t want to be referred to as she/her i don’t want to be perceived as she/her i want to be referred to as they/them

a lot of people have much more intense feelings and it’s more obvious, but they can often times be a lot more subtle and it’s okay if you don’t have INTENSE feelings of dysphoria, there’s also gender euphoria, which i think i, personally, experience more than dysphoria

i like it when people act or refer to me gender neutrally, i like it when my chest looks flatter, i like it when people use they/them for me, i like it when i feel content about knowing that i’m not cis and that i’m a mix of genders, i like thinking of myself as a gender mutt/mix or whatever, it feels GOOD, euphoric

i guess it’s hard to tell if you’re empathizing or relating, and i can’t tell you which one it is since i don’t know the particulars and i don’t know you, but what i DO know, is like 99% of time, if someone has to ask themselves “am i cis?” or “am i straight?” the answer is “no” because cis or straight people almost never even think about it or question their identity and even if the answer DOES end up being “yes, i am cis” then that’s absolutely perfectly completely valid and fine, you figured out who you are and you were in a mindset and in a safe enough space that you could figure it out for yourself and find out more about yourself

and finally, as for the telling people thing, it depends on the situation, i don’t really talk about it in real life, none of my biological family knows because my parents have shown pretty transphobic and nbphobic tendencies and if i told my brother or his fiancee then they’d start treating it like it’s some special thing and basically do that straight people thing where they like overcompensate being happy for you or supporting you or where they start talking about their other friends who aren’t straight or aren’t cis and famous people or characters that aren’t cis or straight and like i can’t deal with that

all of my friends know though, and i’m open about online and i don’t have any significant other(s) to tell but if/when i get in a relationship and on dating apps i’m explicit that i’m non-binary and genderfluid and basically not cis and before i get in a relationship i plan on talking to them about it and being like “hey if you see me as a cis girl this will not work out” they’ll also have to respect my sexuality of course and see me AS bisexual and demiacearo, not straight if i’m dating a guy and not a lesbian if i’m dating a girl, never date someone who doesn’t respect your gender or identity or doesn’t see you as who you are, or won’t let you have some wiggle room to let you figure out who you are, so that’s an extra piece of advice there for ya

i hope that made enough sense! sorry this was long and i might have blabbered on, but i hope at least some of this helps!

#not warrior cats #Anonymous #gender #sexuality

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agentravensong · 7 years ago

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Why Frisk, Chara, & Kris Being Non-Binary Is More Than Just a Headcanon

An UnderTale/DeltaRune Analysis

Since DeltaRune came out, I’ve been sucked right back into the Undertale fandom. Unfortunately, while I’ve seen tons of great fanart and interesting theories relating to the game, it seems the introduction of a third playable human character who isn’t explicitly male or female has also somewhat re-sparked the debate about whether the genders of Frisk, Chara, and now Kris are up to the player’s interpretation.

On one side, you have people saying to just respect everyone’s headcanons about these characters, down to deciding their pronouns. On the other, you have people saying the three characters being non-binary is part of their thematic purpose in the games, on top of being positive canon representation for a rarely recognized group.

I fall into the latter camp, and this post will explain why. (WARNING: long and text-heavy post)

NOTE: This post was written in late 2018. Since then, I have made an updated version with additional points in Google Docs, which I then used as the script for a YouTube video. As such, this post should be considered an incomplete, though still sound, version of my argument. If you have the time, rather than continuing to read this post, please click the above link(s) to read the Google Doc and/or watch the video for a full understanding of the topic.

If you find yourself repeatedly coming back to this post for whatever reason, remember that my ask box is always open! I’d be more than happy to clarify my position :D

A quick definition to start us off: if a person is “non-binary”, it means that a person doesn’t see their gender as being exclusively male or female. Many non-binary people prefer to be referred to by the pronouns “they/them/theirs” instead of “he/him/his” or “she/her/hers”, since “they” is already a gender neutral pronoun.

Also, just in case someone doesn’t understand this, a person’s gender identity is not necessarily related to who they are romantically or sexually interested in.

This post will be split into six sections of unequal length, with the focus progressing from literally interpreting the text to Toby’s intentions and the outside impact of having these characters be non-binary.

1. The basics: All 3 characters are referred to exclusively by gender-neutral pronouns in the games.

Let’s go character by character, shall we?

FRISK

It’s admittedly hard to find examples for this, since most of the time people are talking about Frisk in-game, they’ll be talking directly to them in second person. However, while looking through screenshots provided by the UnderTale Text Project, I found these:

Thank you, Alphys!

EDIT: Hey look, a more obvious example I somehow forgot about!

CHARA

All of the following quotes come from the character Chara was supposedly closest to in the entire Underground, Asriel. As you read, think about this: if Chara’s preferred pronouns were anything other than they/them, why would Asriel not use their correct pronouns here?

“Chara hated humanity. Why they did, they never talked about it. But they felt very strongly about that.”

“When Chara and I combined our souls together, the control over our body was actually split between us. They were the one who picked up their own empty body. And then, when we got to the village, they were the one who wanted... to use our full power.”

I’ve seen some people take Flowey’s mentions of Toriel in his New Home Genocide monologue to be confirmation that Chara goes by “she/her”, since he doesn’t refer to Toriel by name... even though Chara wouldn’t have been awake at that time, and when Flowey DOES talk about Chara in this monologue, it’s in second person, since he believes YOU are his old best friend. This misconception isn’t common, especially these days, but I figured it was worth addressing.

KRIS

Out of the three humans, I think Kris is the one who people are most likely to associate with a specific gender based on their name. But despite the theory videos and such you may have seen where people referred to Kris as “he”, this is not reflected anywhere in-game.

(Got these screenshots of DeltaRune’s code from this tumblr post)

The lines in the first photo are what Susie says when she’s trying to break Kris and Ralsei out of prison, and you have the option to suggest to her which way to go. The second example. according to Kris’ page on the DeltaRune fandom wiki, is said by Ralsei earlier in the game, if you do not run to complete the clock puzzle to open the door right after reuniting with Susie. Unlike the first example, it is clear in this case that Kris is the only one being referred to.

I remember seeing someone somewhere argue that Susie and Ralsei don’t know Kris well enough to know their “proper” pronouns. When it comes to Ralsei, I can see that argument... but did you notice that he knows both Kris and Susie’s names without asking? It seems he knows more than he lets on... and while Susie certainly wasn’t friends with Kris before this, the fact that they’re in the same class is enough for me to think she would have heard Kris be referred to by their preferred pronouns at least in passing by this point.

And that’s it. Frisk, Chara, and Kris are never referred to by other pronouns... with, admittedly, one exception:

Why does Chara use “it” for themself here? If I had to guess, it’s likely a combination of them being a ghost of their former self without a soul of their own (Flowey’s shown us how much your personality and sense of self is tied to having a SOUL) and the corruption from the Genocide run (remember that gaining LOVE affects a person’s mentality). They see themself as a demon, no longer a person. Whether that’s literally true to any extent or just how they feel after everything they’ve been through doesn’t really matter, I just wanted to cover this point before anyone else could bring it up. It’s not like it makes them not non-binary or anything.

To be clear, not all non-binary people go exclusively by they/them pronouns. Some prefer to go by masculine or feminine pronouns for their own reasons; some go by “neo-pronouns”, ones invented specifically for those who identify as non-binary; and some people go by more than one set of pronouns. However, in the case of Frisk, Chara, and Kris specifically, the fact that they only go by they/them pronouns makes them non-binary, and using any other pronouns for them would be incorrect (even if you have them go by they/them AND he/him or she/her).

Really, that should be enough to prove that the three humans being non-binary is canon. After all, you never have any of the other major characters in Undertale or DeltaRune explicitly state “I’m a girl” or “I’m a boy”. We know their genders because of the pronouns everyone refers to them by. Sure you’ll see gender-bends of those characters, but no one ever claims that those are on the same level of validity when it comes to canon as the actual canon.

But I know that isn’t enough for the people who came into this post disagreeing with the premise, so let’s actually get to countering some of their arguments, shall we? The main argument, of course, is that the humans’ are all meant for the Player to at least partially craft identifies for, including deciding which pronouns they use. But first...

2. Small Fish First: Other characters who are obviously not meant to be self-inserts use gender neutral pronouns.

...I want to cover the easier to counter idea that they/them pronouns are meant to just be, for lack of a better term, “placeholders”; the pronouns you use when you don’t know a person’s gender, rather than being valid permanent pronouns on their own.

If this were true in the case of Undertale and DeltaRune, you’d expect the humans to be the only ones referred to by these pronouns. They’re the ones whose identities are left ambiguous so the Player can project onto them, right?

But that couldn’t be father from the truth. In fact, the majority of the monsters you encounter in both games are referred to with gender-neutral pronouns (they/them and/or it), if any pronouns at all.

Now one might say, “But none of those monsters are really meant to be individual characters.” I get why you’d think that. But you’re forgetting at least one person...

Yup, Napstablook, despite what many fans have assumed from what I’ve seen, does not go by he/him pronouns, but they/them. And it’s not just in the narration either. Undyne does too in certain phone calls with Papyrus. ...Then again, she barely knows Napsta, and we see in DeltaRune that she defaults to they/them when talking about people whose gender she doesn’t know (specifically in that game, Alphys).

But that isn’t my last example. One of the few people who was ever close to Napsta was Mettaton (before he became a celebrity). And what does Mettaton say after Blooky calls in to his final show?

What this proves is that Toby recognizes they/them pronouns as valid for an individual in his work, which I hope makes buying that he purposefully made all three humans canonically non-binary easier for skeptics to swallow (we’ll get back to whether he DID purposefully do that later).

But I’ll acknowledge that there IS a difference between the three humans and the other characters in the games who use they/them, due to their relationship with you as the Player. So with that tangent out of the way, time to diffuse the “everyone can have their own headcanons about the kids’ genders” argument.

3. Thematic Context: All 3 humans have moments of asserting their agency, and part of the game’s subtext is how they each relate to the Player, rather than them all being blank slates.

Again, we’ll go character by character.

FRISK

This section is, admittedly, the one with the least evidence compared to the rest. But here’s what we have, and it’s pretty obvious:

After this moment, as was shown earlier, the other monsters know Frisk’s name and will refer to Frisk in the third person with they/them pronouns. Now, consider this: If Frisk used other pronouns, wouldn’t they have corrected the monsters here? Sure Frisk don’t talk without being prompting much throughout most of the game, but considering how they just shared their name, something equally as personal as their pronouns, I don’t think it would feel too out of place here.

Alternatively, if Frisk’s gender was up to the Player’s interpretation, the Player could have been given a prompt to correct the other characters with the “proper” pronouns for Frisk. You could argue it would be pointless this late into the game, but couldn’t that logic apply to the reveal of Frisk’s name as well? In this case, the lack of such a moment speaks more to me than having such a moment would.

Now, I totally get why people would project onto Frisk up to this point in the narrative, including assigning them different pronouns. It wouldn’t be a plot twist otherwise. Even their design seems to lend to that, with the unrealistic bright yellow skin Legos and emojis have to make them more race-neutral, and their emotionless, unchanging facial expression (though it’s worth considering that most of the other character’s overworld sprites don’t change expression much either; I’m pretty sure Alphys’ overworld sprite keeps her dopey smile even when she’s talking about the depths of her depression and failure at the end of the True Lab section). And this actually works to UnderTale’s benefit through most of the game, making the connections you forge with the monsters feel more personal.

The significance of this moment is that it asks the Player to be willing to change their perspective. Throughout the True Pacifist run, you help Frisk to change the mindsets of the characters you come across; this is most obvious with Undyne, who has been raised to see all humans as the enemy, but comes to admit that at least “some humans are OK, I guess” after befriending you. Along the way, you learn that there’s more to these monsters than first impressions may suggest (again, Undyne being a great example). Now, the game is asking you to look deeper one more time, and presenting you with the challenge you’ve posed to all the other major characters: are you willing to recognize Frisk’s autonomy; to understand there is more to this person than you first saw?

EDIT: Hey, remember that screenshot from earlier where Flowey asks you to “let Frisk live their life”? He’s literally asking you to let Frisk be free and truly themself, rather than resetting and taking control of them again. So there’s some more food for thought.

CHARA

While you are the one who names Chara (the reason for which will be considered in the fourth section of this post), consider these points:

1. If the purpose of Chara’s entire character was meant to be just a reflection of you as the Player, then why give them a “true name” at all?

2. Chara’s backstory is integral to the setup of UnderTale’s plot, and provides a good amount of hints at their original personality, easily making them less of a “blank slate” for the Player to project onto than Frisk.

3. Chara makes a clear distinction between the Player and themself in their monologues at the end of the Genocide route. In case you forgot, here are some reminders.

First meeting:

“Your power awakened me from death.”

“My ‘human soul’, my ‘Determination’; they were not mine, but YOURS.”

“With your guidance, I realized the purpose of my reincarnation.”

“Together, we eradicated the enemy and became strong.”

If you agree to ERASE the world: “You are a great partner.”

In the abyss:

“Interesting. You want to go back.”

“You want to go back to the world you destroyed.”

“It was you who pushed everything to its edge. It was you who lead the world to its destruction.”

“But you cannot accept that. You think you are above consequences.”

“Perhaps, we can reach a compromise. You still have something I want.”

“Then, it is agreed. You will give me your SOUL.”

Second meeting:

“You and I are not the same, are we?”

“This SOUL resonates with a strange feeling... You are wracked with a perverted sentimentality. ...I cannot understand these feelings any longer.”

“I feel obligated to suggest: should you choose to create this world once more, another path would be better suited.”

To say there is no connection between Chara and the Player would be unfair. I mean, if they hated humans their whole life, why do they end up taking out that rage on the monsters, the ones who were actually kind to them, in the Genocide run? Like Chara says themself, you guide them, teaching them definitively that “in this world, it’s kill or be killed”; and the influence you have on them is much more obvious if you subscribe to the Narrator Chara theory (but that’s a whole other can of worms).

Like with Frisk, Chara presents the Player a challenge, but in a more subtle way: can you recognize that YOU are at fault, rather than blaming your actions on a damaged kid who learns from your example and never got the chance to grow beyond their mistakes? And part of meeting that challenge is recognizing that Chara is, or at least used to be, their own whole person.

KRIS

Now we get to the really fun part. DeltaRune as a whole seems to be delving even deeper and more explicitly into the relationship between the playable character as an unwilling vessel and the actual Player than Undertale did. Outside of the prevalent message that “Your choices don’t matter” (which I’m guessing will end up more like the “kill or be killed” of this game rather than DR’s intended final moral), the main evidence towards this is how the game starts.

1. A red soul appears on screen when the unknown speaker (presumably Gaster) asks you if they’ve successfully connected with you. The soul is what you control throughout this sequence. The implication? The SOUL in this game is a manifestation of you as the Player. In fact, considering some of the Chara quotes I mentioned earlier, this could be true of UnderTale as well.

2. You spend time making a vessel, only for it to be discarded, because “No one can choose who they are in this world.” This lack of choice is actually foreshadowed when you choose which legs you prefer, since all but the last choice are the same. The game is pointing out right away how superficial these choices are.

3. The speakers says “Your name is...” and Toriel seemingly finishes the statement by calling out “KRIS!”

The message of points 2 and 3 combined is pretty obvious to me: we don’t get an empty vessel to put ourself and our ideas into in DeltaRune. Kris is NOT an empty vessel; they have an already established backstory and personality, which we get multiple hints at (mostly when going around town at the end of the demo).

The fact that you have to go through this creation process on every new file, even after beating the game, suggests it’s more than just a framing device, but directly tied to the game’s narrative and/or themes in some way. So, let’s keep this scene in mind as we look at Kris’ defining moment at the end of Chapter 1.

In the middle of the night, Kris is wrestling with themself in bed until they fall out. Their walk is very stilted and jerkish, reminiscent of a zombie, or someone possessed.

Kris opens and closes their hand a few times before digging into their body and pulling out their soul, their eyes blank. (Notice how this doesn’t seem to actually leave a hole in their chest or anything? Almost as if the soul was never a part of them in the first place...)

They go to the wagon and harshly YEET the soul into the cage (the flavor text for which mentions it has already seen a few crashes... has something like this happened to Kris before?).

Kris walks back to the middle of the room, as if to purposefully stand in the center of the DeltaRune symbol on the floor, then pulls out a knife from seemingly nowhere, and turns to the camera with a red glow in their eyes.

Now, I totally get why most people will immediately assume that Kris has been possessed by a post-Genocide Chara here. I’m pretty sure the visual similarities between this scene and the one that plays if you choose to stay with Toriel in a soulless pacifist run in UT are intentional.

But remember how we mentioned the red SOUL, at least in DeltaRune, is a manifestation of the Player? This is actually reinforced in this scene, because you’re able to move the SOUL back and forth within the cage.

We’ve been controlling Kris via that SOUL the whole way through the game, and now? Kris is done with us. THIS is their prime moment of agency in Chapter 1 - reclaiming ownership of their own body - and I doubt that it will be their last.

There’s a ton of other stuff I could mention about Kris, like how:

* they had their own save file, which you overwrite at the first save point

* multiple NPCs in the town will comment on Kris seeming more talkative or looking off today, because YOU’RE making them interact with people

* Kris’ ability to play the piano is worse than normal with you controlling them, according to the hospital receptionist

* the narration says Kris feels bitter if you throw away the one possession in their inventory, the Ball of Junk (”bitter” isn’t the emotion one would feel if they did this of their own free will)

or all the hints at Kris’ true personality as an introverted, codependent prankster. But that could be a post in itself. My point is that, if Frisk and Chara’s individualism from the Player was subtle in UnderTale, this is pretty straightforward, if you know where to look.

And if these three humans are all their own characters, then shouldn’t we consider what seemingly little we DO know for sure about them as canon? We all take their names to be canon, so why not their pronouns?

That’s the bulk of the argument done. But when discussing canon, there is one thing that always has to be considered:

4. Can We Know The Creator (Toby Fox)’s Intentions?

Well, not really.

Some may bring up the one tweet where Toby suggested to name the fallen human (Chara) “your own name” as evidence that you ARE meant to project yourself into these characters.

However, I think you could just as easily argue that doing this ADDS to the impact of when Frisk, the character you physically control, confirms themself to be their own person with their own name, rather than a mold for you to pour yourself into.

And though Chara does make it clear that they themself as a character are separate from you, the whole Genocide ending monologue does hit harder when the person reprimanding you for their sins, who describes themself as “the feeling you get when your stats increase”, shares your name.

While putting this post together, I came across this interview Toby did about Undertale back in September 2015, and took particular note of this section:

While this technically doesn’t confirm or deny anything either way, how hard would it have been for Toby to say, “Well the protagonist is meant to have their gender be up to the player’s interpretation”? I doubt he would have gotten more backlash for that then he would have for definitively saying that Frisk is MEANT to be non-binary (though I doubt that would have stopped people from making them male or female anyway).

Then again, the article does start with the interviewer saying this:

“I told Toby Fox to skip questions he didn’t find interesting, and boy did he take me at my word.”

So maybe he just didn’t have anything worthwhile to mention.

I can’t say with certainty that Frisk and Chara’s genders were never meant to be up to the Player’s choice, even after what I mentioned in section 2 (and I doubt Toby would want to make a statement on it at this point). Same with Kris, for now.

However, if the rest of DeltaRune ends up going in the direction I suggested in the previous section, I honestly would not be surprised if there’s a moment where Kris confirms they are nonbinary, as a show of agency and individualism akin to Frisk telling Asriel their real name. I wouldn’t really call it a “theory”, and it’s hard to speculate what the other chapters of the game will at all be like based on what relatively little we have... but I wouldn’t have mentioned it here if I didn’t think it had any validity.

5. Why Does This Matter?

Outside of the previously mentioned stuff relating to the games’ themes/messages about choice, agency, and individualism, there’s one big reason: representation.

How many games can you think of where there are any explicitly non-binary characters? How many where that character is a major one, who doesn’t get treated as particularity different from the others just on the basis of the pronouns they use? And how many of those games are even close to the popularity of Undertale in its hayday? Even expanding these questions to media other than just video games won’t net many more results.

For people who are striving for representation, seeing posts like “Just let people have their headcanons :)” can come across as the OP not understanding how much that representation means. Even worse, coming back to the point I made in section 2 of this post, it could be seen as the OP denying that being non-binary is just as real and concrete as being male or female (a problem which more mainstream representation of non-binary people would help solve!).

But don’t just take it from me. After all, as a binary cis girl myself (”cis” meaning not trans), I can’t speak generally for all the trans and non-binary Undertale and Deltarune fans out there. So allow me to link some posts which provide their perspectives:

This first post is from before DeltaRune was released, and mainly focuses on Frisk, but goes in-depth on the topic (and the OP provided me some feedback on my post, so if they see this, thanks!)

I came across this post just while scrolling through the DeltaRune tag about why this stuff matters to non-binary fans.

This post is specifically about how using they/them pronouns for the kids is preferable whether or not it’s literally canon.

Here’s another post from the same person covering some common counter-arguments.

And if the other posts are too long for you to bother reading after going through mine, this one sums up the point in one sentence.

I know some people flinch at the mere mention of the word “representation”. I know that some will argue you shouldn’t need to see representation of a group you belong to in a piece of media in order to be able to relate to the characters and/or feel validated yourself - because I’ve seen people make this argument. But, I mean, I certainly find it easier to relate to characters that I share traits with; that’s just how humans work. It’s probably the main reason why people assign different genders to Frisk, Chara, and Kris in the first place! Besides, who does it hurt to include more diverse characters?

Oh right, there’s the idea that “forcing” creators to include representation is bad for creativity or whatever. Well good thing that’s not what this is about! As far as I know, no one is telling Toby he has to ADD new characters to fulfill a quota; the characters in question (Frisk, Chara, & Kris) already exist in his work. The point of this post is to show that the three of them were MEANT to be non-binary from the start (assuming I provided enough proof to convince you), so people won’t continue to erase that representation. By making them binary cis boys or girls, you’re only taking away from the original text (and giving people more to “complain” about).

Honestly, what does one even have to gain story-wise from assigning different genders to the human kids? I can’t remember a time I saw where making them strictly boys or girls added anything to their characterization or opened up different story possibilities (I’m sure you could could up with a theoretical example, but compared to the endless fanworks that DON’T do that, they hardly make a dent). Speaking beyond just Frisk, Chara, and Kris, characters being non-binary shouldn't affect how you ship them. You can give such characters more overtly masculine or feminine designs/appearances, but still have them be non-binary and go by they/them pronouns (most people don’t naturally look androgynous after all). In a work with voice acting, casting someone with a more masculine or feminine voice to play a non-binary character shouldn’t stop you from portraying the character as non-binary either - just refer to them with the right pronouns!

And if people who find your work continuously misgender your non-binary characters or ask what their “real” gender is, don’t let them get to you. You don’t need to respond to every such comment, but when you DO respond, clearly state that these characters are non-binary, politely correct the people who refer to those characters by the wrong pronouns, and, if worst comes to worst, block the people who won’t respect that. Before you (using “you” for the rest of this paragraph to refer specifically to my fellow binary cis peeps) can even think to argue “that sounds like too much work” or “it’s not worth the potential controversy”, remember that non-binary people in real life have to deal with this crap far more often than we do, and for them, it’s personal. If they can handle it, why can’t you?

Yes, Frisk, Chara, and Kris are fictional characters, not real people. But more representation of non-binary people in media helps others learn to understand and respect them, both in fiction and in real life. Honestly, it’s beyond time for people to accept that “they/them” aren’t “placeholder pronouns”, and the genders of people who use them aren’t up for others to judge. It’s just who they are, and really, how hard is that to respect?

If nothing else will convince you, think of it this way: if you’re not in the group being affected by a discussion like this, and you don’t care about the people in that group, keeping yourself out of the conversation saves everyone time and energy, without hurting anyone.

6. Conclusion

So, to briefly summarize this essay-length post’s main points:

1. Frisk, Chara, and Kris all go solely by “they/them” in their respective games, so having them go by any other pronouns is technically diverting from canon to the same extent that gender-bending any other character would be, NOT a valid interpretation of the original text.

2. There are other individual characters in these two games, such as Napstablook, who are referred to by they/them pronouns, even by those who were close to them.

3. The three humans are all shown to be more than just blank slates for the Player to project themself onto, making the stuff which IS definitively said about them (specifically, their names and pronouns) canon parts of their characterization unless directly proven otherwise.

4. We can’t assume Toby’s intentions, but even if he didn’t initially make Frisk, Chara, and Kris gender neutral for the sake of giving non-binary people representation, many people have taken it as that. Thus, seeing others say that the humans’ genders are up for interpretation is interpreted as those people not respecting non-binary identities as valid on their own.

The one other point I can think people might bring up would be the idea that kids as young as Chara or Frisk wouldn’t identify as non-binary because they wouldn’t understand the concept. To that argument, I’d suggest looking up videos about people who realized they were transgender as kids. In general, if there are concepts in this post you didn’t quite get or agree with, research is your friend!

Speaking of which, as this post I came across in the DeltaRune tag yesterday pointed out, fun fact: “non-binary” is an umbrella term that still leaves some slight room for personal interpretation when it comes to the humans’ genders! To use myself as an example, I personally headcanon Chara as firmly agender, Kris as a a demi-boy (someone who only partially sees themself as male), and Frisk as genderfluid (meaning that their sense of gender regularly changes). However, despite the nuances in their gender identities, I only have them go by they/them pronouns, their canon ones, in my fanworks. Doing otherwise not only goes against canon, but can be considered misgendering, and thus should be avoided.

This doesn’t mean that you can’t make up ANYTHING about what Chara, Frisk, and Kris are like either. People have plenty of headcanons about the backstories and other quirks of characters like Sans, Undyne, Mettaton - basically the whole cast of both games - and there’s nothing stopping you from doing that for the human kids. I certainly have my own ideas of what Chara and Frisk’s lives were like before they fell into the Underground. The difference is that those are speculating on things not outright said in canon. But Frisk, Chara, and Kris going by they/them pronouns IS canon, and should be respected as such.

At the end of the day, neither I nor anyone else (not even Toby) can outright stop people from having their opinions about these fictional characters. But since I had some free time this weekend, I figured I could take a stand for something I care about relating to a fandom I’ve emerged myself in for the past few years. My main hope in making this post is that you’ll understand why certain people disagree with the seemingly righteous stance of “It’s all up to interpretation, just let people do what they want!”. And if you knew nothing about non-binary identities before, hopefully this was educational for you!

If you have any remaining questions or suggestions relating to this post, feel free to reblog with your feedback or send me an ask. Until then, this is Agent Raven, signing off.

#deltarune #delta rune #undertale #frisk #chara #kris

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addictsitter · 6 years ago

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F, G, Q, and T

F: What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom? consistently? god, uh. i think probably kingdom hearts? but that was years back. maybe stranger things since i did get into it like, a month after s2 aired but it was a backburner fandom. wait no nm it’s descendants. cause i’ve been more or less YES DESCENDANTS GOOD a lot for the last three and a half years. so. also kind of tortall bc i get sporadically bitter about neal/kel every month or so and have since about 2007.

G: Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it? ooh okay so the first otp i remember is john sheppard/teyla emmagan from stargate atlantis and i just. never really got over them. (they’re my forever otp)

Q: A ship you’ve abandoned and why: oh okay this one is kinda tough but i guess the best example is probably jay/carlos and mal/evie from descendants? like, i have nothing against the ships themselves and there’s plenty of material there. BUT. the fandom, rachel. i hate. the descendants fandom. so goddamn much. because they’re really obnoxious (never 4get the j*ylos stans who called d3 the straightest of the movies despite jay/gil being as close to canon as we were gonna get for a descendants movie just bc carlos was still with jane. also all the j*ylos stans who complained about them ~no homo’ing~ j*ylos in d2 because carlos liked jane and jay and carlos’s friendship got less focus while completely ignoring the harry/gil kiss that was scripted, filmed and then cut!!!)

(”alec are you still bitter about d2″ I AM ALWAYS BITTER ABOUT D2)

T: Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending, about anything at all (gender identity, sexual or romantic orientation, extended family, sexual preferences like top/bottom/switch, relationship with poetry, seriously anything)

ahem. excuse me. [retrieves stack of paper] we’re going to go alphabetically by fandom. and by alphabetically by fandom, i mean you’re getting some highlights.

under a cut for length

battlestar galactica: hello yes have i talked about kara thrace being a lesbian yet? no? so kara thrace is a lesbian and lee adama is a trans lesbian and they are happy and in love. thank you, have a nice day.

being human: s3 established that annie feels things that people feel when she touches them which leads me to the headcanon that mitchell, nina and george made all her old favorite foods for, like, an entire week and ate them so she could enjoy them again, along with other things. (we do not discuss the plot that involved that part i don’t acknowledge 98% of s3 for a reason.)

descendants: uma’s mother is ursula, this is canon, but i fully headcanon that her father is a deity of some flavor and she, like mal, is a full on demigoddess. aside from that, i also will live and die by the idea that ben can go beast without audrey’s magic being involved. also carlos is non-binary, evie’s a trans girl, harry is the definition of chaotic bi and non-binary and gil’s a trans boy.

elementary: i. i have so many. where do i start. um. easiest is this: during the time skip in the finale while joan underwent chemo, kitty came back to new york and archie and arthur spent, like, all their time together while sherlock and kitty traded off watching the kids. also: joanlockbell ot3 or bust.

the get down: shao got the fuck away from annie and got a happy ending and met zeke again at some point and they lived happily ever after. also DIZZEE IS TOTALLY FINE.

gilmore girls: finale what finale. revival what revival. logan and rory are happily married and working on their careers and EVERYONE IS GOOD AND NOBODY IS PREGNANT.

gossip girl: dan’s not gossip girl what the fuck show. trans girl jenny or bust. also trans girl blair.

harry potter: [insert requisite dean/seamus and sirius/remus comment here] also harry became a goddamn teacher fuck that auror shit that boy needs to get away from more fighting goddamn. also someone please get him into therapy. please.

high school musical: listen chad danforth is a trans girl and people can come fight me. also requisite chad/ryan comment here.

izombie: post-s3 did not happen, ravi is either immune or a zombie and he and liv are happily together and clive is regularly grossed out by them as a couple. major goes back to being a social worker, as he fucking should have.

i had a kingdom hearts thing here but tbh i just. have so many emotions that i can’t even touch it

leverage: listen. listen. eliot absolutely worked for the stargate program and nobody can ever convince me otherwise. it was supposed to happen and they couldn’t manage it so i’m declaring it my canon. also hardison may or may not have learned his hacking skills from his nana.

i. had magicians headcanons and i still have magicians headcanons and one of them is genderfluid quentin and that is literally the only one i can think of without crying right now.

one piece: aro/ace lawlu or bust. genderfluid sanji or bust. lesbian nami or bust. also. my asshole babes aka cp9 aka now at least partially in cp0 are not, in fact, back working for the government inexplicably but are instead working undercover in cp0 for the revolutionary army. also mishanks was a thing bye

pacific rim: gender gets really fucking weird in the drift. nobody’s cis.

shadowhunters: hi yes do you have a moment to hear about jacemaia and how they are actually friends and spend time together and help each other with trauma and like each other

stranger things: BI STEVE BI STEVE BI STEVE BI STEVE BI STEVE steve and robin are bi/lesbian solidarity and any job they have in a non-80s small town setting involves robin roasting the fuck out of steve for failing with people of every gender. also elmax.

tortall. TORTALL. okay so. alanna is non-binary of some flavor idk what. alanna is with george and they both might also be with jon who’s publicly married to thayet who’s really married to buri who’s publicly married to raoul for ~appearances~ who’s actually w/ gary and maybe jon if he’s not being a dick that day. also. kel is married to neal and yuki and they all live together at new hope and all absolutely suck at hiding that fact and everyone at new hope just, like, conveniently ignores it. also i have A Lot of neal/kel feelings and headcanons but those would take me twelve hours, three powerpoints, a fifth of whiskey and yelling directly at tamora pierce to get through.

uhhh i think that’s it? maybe? possibly? i can’t think of anything else that i want to talk about at this point? i’ll stop now, at least.

#memeage #lesbianmaxevans #and ye shall receive

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leoninapelliolovesconchitawurst · 3 years ago

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SCHÖN MAGAZINE interview 24/02/22

https://schonmagazine.com/unreveal-the-future-me-conchita-wurst/

UNREVEAL THE FUTURE ME l CONCHITA WURST INTERVIEW

Conchita Wurst is an icon. After winning Eurovision in 2014, Wurst became a household name, going on to appear as a guest of honour at the European Parliament, the United Nations Office in Vienna and pride parades around the world.

But Wurst, with all her glitz and glam, is simply a character — a creation of performer and artist Thomas Neuwirth. Although Neuwirth and Wurst are clearly kindred spirits, sharing a storytelling might and captivating allure, it is Neuwirth’s ability to be introspective and ask questions of identity and gender that breathe life into Wurst, forming her into the endlessly fascinating and empowering character we know today.

Wurst’s exploration of identity continues with this shoot in collaboration with photographer Timo Gerber. Inspired by retrofuturism and the films of the 1980s, the duo come together to weave a tale of self-expression and, in aggregate, self-love.

Schön! joins Neuwirth/Wurst to discuss the shoot, quarantine and more.

How did this shoot with photographer Timo Gerber come about?

I saw one of Timo’s photos and shared it on socials as I often do with content that inspires me. Timo took the initiative and asked me in a direct message whether I’d be interested in a collaboration. As often, I followed my gut feeling and said yes.

Gerber said he was inspired by your blurring of binaries for this shoot. How else did you influence the shoot and resultant imagery?

Timo and I met in Berlin weeks ahead of the shoot, because it’s crucial to have a personal connection. He is such a delicate soul, detecting and picking up tiny emotions and ideas. When he presented his ideas to me and how he wanted to produce this project, I was instantly in awe. I knew he was someone I could totally trust and was so happy to have met someone bringing in his amazing ideas. Blurring and disrupting the gender binary is something I was always fascinated with, so much so that I even integrated it in my every move.

This shoot was partially inspired by the past’s vision of the future. What social change do you think would most surprise someone from, for example, the 80s looking at the world today?

The most surprising social change I believe is the non-changing situation, the stagnation and how little society has evolved on the level of humanity and compassion. There are still wars, and I would like to believe that people in the eighties wished for a peaceful future. Self evidently, there were many positive developments over the past decades on various levels. But I believe the awakening of humankind as a whole hasn’t really happened and might never happen.

Naturally this piece was also influenced by the pandemic. How did this period affect you as a creative?

From one day to the next, my calendar was emptied and my livelihood pulled out from under my legs. That’s what happened to a lot of artists. After the initial shock, however, I quickly understood the opportunity this situation presented. I didn’t want to do private concerts from my living room. Instead, I could now dedicate myself to my own projects, without being dependent on others. So, together with my team, we started to realise projects that are not only entertaining for ourselves and for my fans. But also to realise ideas that are artistically interesting and that can trigger emotions on different levels. And last but not least, I took the opportunity to finally work with other creatives like Timo.

Many of the aesthetics from this series are inspired by 80s films. Is there a film that you feel has had a great impact on your style, or the way you view the world?

Although already released in 1975, The Rocky Horror Picture Show has had a great impact on how I see the world. The idea of muscular men in lingerie has ever since occupied a space in my head, and I am still fascinated by that imagery to this day. Of course, it looks a bit dated looking at it today, but it was a 70s look and critique of the 50s image of gender roles, anyway. It’s very interesting how we always look back at the past wondering how we could be so old-school, while we always look into the future filled with fear of change. That’s so ironic.

What emotions or energy were you seeking to capture with this shoot?

After a series of art shoots that I was able to do with a couple of photographers, I was thrilled to have the shoot with Timo showcasing a new side of me. I love the sleekness of the looks, which was of course the result of the looks of contemporary Berlin fashion designers, well put together by stylist Gianluigi Porcu working hand-in-hand with the flawless make up and amazing hair work by Stefanie Mellin and her assistant. When looking at the photos, they evoke readiness for the future as they depict how all of us see gender-fluidity. And of course, I never felt hotter before.

The dream of this shoot is a future where gender no longer plays a role. Do you believe such a world is possible — and if so, do you believe it’s possible within our lifetime?

Oh, I wish I had the answer to this question. I am very optimistic about most things and try to focus on the progress we are making as a society. Acceptance of a diverse gender in Germany’s official papers is a step in the right direction. And although most people are not directly concerned, it changes the world for those few who are. Real inclusion means that we celebrate individualism and see the beauty in differences, and I think art is a fantastic means of pushing the envelope long before such developments manage to arrive in the mainstream. And if nothing else works, a comet hitting our planet will solve everything.

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dj-syrup · 8 years ago

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The Unnamed, Episode 01x05: The Bachelorina

"Thank you for calling SJSF, this is Rhiannon speaking, how can I help you?"

It was just another day at the reception desk. Rhi was on their third cup of tea and it wasn't even lunchtime yet.

"Hi, Rhiannon. I'm Angela. I was hoping to speak to The Unnamed."

That was a new request. Most of the calls that Rhiannon took were fan calls for Mr. Stewart, which she redirected to his massive PR team, headquartered a few miles away.

"Hmmm... I could redirect you to Ms. Port. She runs the show around here."

"That works. What are her pronouns?"

"She, her and hers."

"Thank you."

"Do you mind if I ask what this about?"

"Not at all. I'm single, and I don't want to be single anymore. I read about The Unnamed in the papers and I thought they might be able to help."

"She wants us to do what?" Ling was not enthused by this idea.

"You heard me, Ling," said Port. "She wants us to find her a date. More specifically, she wants us to find her a significant other."

"Why? Why can't she just do that herself?" Ling was not interested.

"Well, she's pansexual."

"Doesn't that mean that she has twice as many options?" asked Thomas.

"No, it doesn't," said Port. "At least, not twice as many options.She's looking at men who are into women, women who are into women, and a wide array of nonbinary people. Most certainly not twice as many options."

"So why would we do this?" Donnelly was weighing in.

"Do you have anything better to do?" asked Port.

"Not really," Donnelly replied. "I just finished sharpening every pencil in the Nest, and before that, I was categorizing the dishes in the break room by color, size, and microwavability."

Port looked around the room. No-one looked back at her. No-one was willing to say it, but they were bored. The hubbub of their success against the Knights had worn off in the last couple of weeks, and everyone was looking for their next big project.

"We can do it, from a technical perspective," said Winn. "We've proven to be fairly skillful at finding people. It would be nice to look for a nice person for once, instead of a murderer or a drug dealer."

"I agree," said Donnelly. "Let's get started."

Angela showed up at SJSF the next day, after school. She was about 17 years old, dirty blond, with a purple streak in her hair running from the part in her ear-length hair across to her left eyebrow. Her blue eyes shone out from beneath hair that was constantly in the way.

Angela sat, sitting up perfectly straight, in her chair. Ms. Port was facing her, cutting an imposing figure, in a perfectly ironed floral print dress and solid knit top. The effect was a bit overwhelming; she was the queen in this castle.

"So... what are you looking for?" asked Winn.

"Well, I'm pansexual," she replied, "so I'm looking for a gay woman, or a straight man, or some non-binary person. I've never been very comfortable with the idea of dating non-binary people, though, and I've never been able to put a finger on why. I might just not be romantically interested in them generally. I don't know"

"That's okay. This is about what you want, what you're comfortable with. Don't worry about that. We'll find you someone. Are you picky about looks?"

"No, not really. I'm partial to chocolate brown hair, on both men and women. The effect of chocolate hair framing green eyes is really striking, too, so that would be nice. I would want a woman about my height, but a man a bit taller than I. Not a lot, mind you, otherwise kissing is tricky, but an inch or two."

"K. I get that. I remember when my husband was still around..." and Port lost her focus for a second, before regaining it. "But that was a while ago. Anyway. What do you like between the ears?"

"Between the ears?"

"In their brains. How they talk, what they say, how they act. Do you like cocky guys? Shy?"

What Port had said finally registered with Angela. "I like people who are kind. There are far too many people out there who just don't think about what they say, what they do, and they don't ever understand the damage they do."

"K. What else?"

"I like people who are smart, but who aren't cocky. Some people... geez. You work with smart people. You know how it is sometimes." Port nodded. "Otherwise... I don't know. There are some people I just click with. I need someone that I click with."

Ms. Port was talking to herself as she took notes. "Clicks... with. K. Anything else?"

"Nope. Not really."

Angela thanked Ms. Port and went home. What she didn't know was that by the time she got back to her house, the information that Ms. Port had gathered would be spread across the Social Justice Special Forces Headquarters. The physical descriptions were on their way to a sketch artist, the psychological stuff was on the way to a psychologist, and the whole set was getting passed to Winn, Thomas, and their crews. This girl was going to get a date.

"We got you a date." Port was calling Angela to give her the good news.

"Really? When?"

"Well, it would be more accurate to say that we found you someone to go on a date with. You still have to call him and set it up. It looks weird if we do it."

"Yeah, I guess it would. How did you find this guy?"

"He goes to the same school as my son. My son doesn't get along with him too well, but he's a match for what you gave us, so we'll help set you up."

"That makes it sound like you found me an organ donor."

"Believe me, I could find you a kidney much easier than I can find you a boyfriend or a girlfriend for that matter. There are lists and registries for stuff like that. Anyway. I'm sending you an email with the information you need. Let me know what you end up planning and I'll have my team there to back you up."

"And... that makes me sound like an operative on a dangerous mission to a gala or something." She paused. "I'm sorry. Having a bit of a rough day. I really do appreciate all the help."

"You're welcome. Don't make me sorry, alright?"

"I won't."

With Port's help, Angela set up a date with Charlie. They found a coffee shop that did wood-fired pizza and stand-up comedy on Friday nights. Of course, the coffee shop did beers on tap, but both Angela and Charlie were too young for that sort of thing, so they were just going to watch all the adults get drunk and do stupid stuff.

The coffee shop had a building under construction next door, which meant that having a utility truck parked next door wouldn't have looked out of place, and it didn't. Thomas, Port, and Donnelly stayed in the truck, while Winn monitored from headquarters. Ling was on the roof of the building with a pair of binoculars and a sniper rifle that she insisted she needed. Kira and Sergeant Foster were in the building itself, having a daddy-daughter date that neither of them was quite comfortable with.

"I'm telling you, Ling, you don't need that rifle." Donnelly was trying to talk down Ling.

"Can you conclusively prove that I will not need my rifle?"

"You know how hard it is to prove a negative."

"Well, that's your problem, not mine, isn't it?"

Donnelly sighed and gave up. As long as Ling didn't shoot anyone everything should be fine.

"Foster, how are things looking?" Port was checking in on everyone, making sure that they were all in place.

"Things are fine here, for the most part. Have you seen the prices they're charging for food? I haven't paid nine bucks for a slice of pizza since I went to the Yankees versus the Red Sox last year."

"We're covering your expenses, remember?"

"Still."

"Ling, how are things looking?" Port moved on.

"Things are looking good up here. The construction workers seemed a little surprised to see me, but with the size of rifle I'm carrying, I think they decided to leave me alone."

Port shook her head sadly. "We told you, you don't need that rifle. Besides, it will make people nervous."

"Nonsense. I have permission to be here, I have permission to carry this gun. Where's the issue?"

Winn cut in from headquarters. "Hey, guys, can we cut the chit-chat, please? We can fight about Ling's rifle later."

There was silence for a minute, until Ling chimed back in. "Angela's Porsche just pulled in."

Donnelly turned to Thomas. "Where did she get a Porsche from?"

"Mr. Stewart's personal lot," said Thomas. "It was his idea."

"Any sign of the boy yet?" asked Foster.

"No, no sign. Angela is a few minutes early."

"Can you guys hear me alright?" Angela was in the loop now.

"Yes, you're coming through loud and clear," Thomas replied. "You're go for entry, whenever you're ready."

"You guys make it sound so formal. You all need to loosen up a bit. Port, are you sure my microphone won't show?"

"Are you wearing the outfit we discussed?" asked Port.

"Yes."

"Then you're fine. Just don't make out with him too hard and you'll be fine."

"On a first date? I don't think that will be an issue." She paused. "Any tips, from any of you, about how to stop my heart racing? I haven't been on a date in a long time."

"Just breathe deeply," suggested Port, "and keep in mind that this guy is probably nervous too."

"And keep your finger off of the trigger until you're ready to fire." added Ling.

"There's not a gun involved here," said Port.

"Oh, right." There was an embarrassed silence. "Sorry."

"I'm going in," said Angela. "Wish me luck."

"Good luck," said Port. "We don't plan on needing it though."

Angela went in.

The appointed time for her date to arrive came and went.

And he didn't show up.

There was a sniper in the building next door. There was a retired Army sergeant in the building, an ex-Navy SEAL across the street, and a battery of analysts watching video feeds.

And the whole thing didn't work.

Because the boy didn't show up.

"Angela?" Mr. Stewart was looking for Angela. He found her, crying in his Porsche 911 GT3.

"I'm sorry for messing up the seats in here," said Angela. "I know this is a really expensive car."

"No, you're fine," said Mr. Stewart. "If you're going to cry in a car, a Porsche is a nice car to cry in. I was going to have my car detailed tomorrow anyway." It was a lie, and they both knew it, but it was a kind thing to say, and so Angela didn't call him on it.

Mr. Stewart climbed in on the passenger side.

"I heard that your date stood you up."

"Yeah, he did."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I mean, why? Why would someone do something like that? I go out of my way, out on a limb, to see if this person is worth having around me, and he can't even be bothered to show up."

"Sometimes, people are cruel, and sometimes people make mistakes. It happens."

"But why does it keep happening to me? Why does no-one want me?"

"Can I present a different point of view?"

"Sure."

"If you already had somebody, someone special in your life, would you keep looking for someone better?"

"Not really."

"Even if he wasn't what you wanted? Would your fear of being alone, of being lonely, keep you from moving on because something bad is better than nothing?"

"I might look at better people with longing, and if it got bad enough, of course, I would leave."

"But trading up would be tricky, right?"

"Yeah, it would be. Messy too."

"And that's the thing with dating a lot of people until you find the right one. Trading up is easier. And I know that it's hard, feeling like you're not wanted, but the day will come when you find the right person, and all of this will be worth it."

"Jean-Luc-" Angela cut herself short, and her cheeks flushed a bright red. "Sorry. I'm a huge Star Trek fan."

"No need to worry, I know many of your kind."

"Do you remember when you recited love poetry, to try and get Lwaxana Troi back?"

"Yes. I've never forgotten the time that the show's creator told me to hit on his wife."

"That was his wife?"

"Yup."

"I always thought it was funny." She laughed an awkward, coughing kind of laugh, and then wiped a tear from her cheek.

"I thought it was funny too, a gay man hitting on his boss's wife at his insistence. Lwaxana never found love, did she?"

"No, and I thought it was one of the saddest parts of Star Trek."

"Don't worry, Angela. If there's someone for you, we'll find him. Or her."

And pulling the pocket square from his suit pocket, he wiped the tears from her cheek, handed her the pocket square, and stepped out of his car.

The pocket square was monogrammed.

A week later, Angela was on another date, and Donnelly was sitting in the truck listening in horror.

"Did she really just say that?" asked Donnelly.

"Yes, Angela's stupid date did just say that," retorted Ling. "Why do you ask?"

"Sorry, Winn, forgot I had my mic on," said Donnelly. "At what point do we pull her out of there, gracefully or otherwise?"

"There's a key phrase, and we'll pull her out once she uses it," replied Winn.

"Or if her life is in danger," added Ling.

"I don't think her life will be in danger," stated Port. "This is a coffee shop, and we have Foster and Kira in there again if something goes wrong."

The team had decided, as a group, to use the same mission format for all of the dates that they were assisting Angela with. Mr. Stewart had tried, unsuccessfully, to talk Ling out of her sniper rifle. He ended up bowing to her superior tactical knowledge.

"That's it," said Donnelly. "I'm not going to listen to some punk treat Angela like this. I'm going in."

"Sit down, Donnelly," said Port. "She hasn't asked us to pull her out, so we're not going to."

They waited. Finally, with a hint of animosity, Angela bid her date a good night and fairly ran for the door.

"Why didn't you ask us to pull you out of there?" asked Port. "We had people who could have done it without making a huge deal out of it. What was up?"

"I didn't want to make a scene," she replied, "and that girl was really hot. I didn't want to piss her off."

"I don't care how hot she is," stated Ling. "That doesn't give her a reason to walk on you."

Angela ignored Ling. "Do we have another date lined up?"

"I've got someone else for you to try," said Winn. "I'm texting you his name and number."

Angela's phone went off. She unlocked it, read the text, and put her phone back in the back pocket of her jeans. "Let's get going," she said. "I want to be far away from here when that girl finds the sign I put on her back."

Donnelly had gotten bored in the truck during the third date, and so he had started making video logs.

"Date three," he started. "Things are going well, but Angela's date is an entitled piece of snot instead of the obscene piece of snot we dealt with last time."

Donnelly's radio squawked in the background, and he picked it up. "Say again?"

Winn's voice was distinct this time. "You were getting a rare apology from me," she said. "The line 'if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best' should have been a red flag when we were vetting this girl."

Donnelly paused his video log and turned to Port. "How are things going with our friend?"

Winn shook her head sadly and handed Donnelly a headset. Angela's mic was picking up her voice fine, but her date's voice was a bit fainter.

"You know I'm a ballerina," said Angela. "I was one of the principal dancers in my company's production of Swan Lake."

Christina's voice was faint but distinct. Donnelly didn't need to look at the video feed to see the sneer on Christina's voice. "I was cast in the lead role when my company did it last year," she asserted. "We're getting ready for The Nutcracker this Christmas, and I've already been cast as Clara. The boy playing the Nutcracker is so dreamy... I might actually kiss him at the end. I haven't decided yet."

Donnelly turned towards Port again. "And she hasn't asked us to get her out of there?"

"Not yet," replied Port.

Winn's voice squawked from the radio again. "She said the key phrase. Kira, Foster, move now. And Ling, hold your fire. She's not in danger."

Kira walked over to Angela, with her father walking behind her and a bit to her right.

Angela fixed Christina with her gaze. "You have done an excellent job convincing me that you are better than me in every conceivable way. I see no reason to continue this date. Have a nice night."

Christina looked up in shock as Angela stood up. "And what about your bill?"

"Well," said Angela, "as you are better than me in every way, I assume that included being better off than me financially. You can cover it."

"You can't-" Christina had spotted Foster staring her down. Angela walked away.

Christina shouted across the coffee house. "Hey, blondie!"

Kira turned around.

"Yes, you. You single?"

Kira considered what to do for a second.

"Nope," she said. "Got a boyfriend." And Kira flipped her off.

That was the end of that.

There were a number of other dates that Angela went on. Every time, something went wrong. She was stood up twice more. One of her dates was obsessed with anime and spent the entire time talking about it. One of the guys wouldn't stop flirting with the waitress.

But every time the team failed, they learned something. Winn and Thomas honed their research skills and algorithms. Donnelly got really good at sitting in the truck and doing nothing. Kira and Sergeant Foster grew closer to each other, and Ling finally traded her sniper rifle for a shotgun mic.

There was a slight hiccup with Kira, Zach, and Christina, but that was solved with a staged, but very loud and public, breakup.

Time passed.

Donnelly, with nothing else to do, was making video logs again. "Date number 13," he started yet again. "We still haven't succeeded in finding a guy or a girl for Angela. Things are starting to get tense."

"Would you shut up, Donnelly?" asked Port. "You're really not helping anything."

Donnelly turned back to the webcam on his laptop. "Like I said, things are a little tense. For what it's worth, though, this date is going well. The guy is kind, sensitive, a bit funny; if I were a bit older, and not currently dating someone, I would date him."

"Sorry to interrupt, Donnelly," said Ling, "but we have a problem. You know how this building is supposed to be empty?"

"Yes?"

"And you know how there's a bank across the street from me, to the west of the coffee shop?"

"What are you saying, Zhi?"

"Well, I think I finally figured out what's going on. There's a bank robbery in progress right now. A couple of guys just took a case of gelignite into the basement of the building. I think all of the dirt that they've been trucking out of here has been for a tunnel under the bank."

"You're kidding, right?"

"Nope. You know what I really wish I had right now? A sniper rifle. I could have dropped those guys before this became an issue. But no, I didn't need one, did I?"

Ling had been talking on the main radio loop, which meant that everyone, including both Fosters and Angela, had heard the news. Port stepped in to do damage control.

"Angela, stay put. Don't say anything. You're safe. Kira, Foster, that goes for you too. Donnelly. Take a pair of assault rifles and sidearms -- whatever you want -- from the truck's armory and meet Ling on the ground floor. Investigate those robbers."

Angela nodded, and Kira passed on her agreement to the rest of the team. Donnelly grabbed the weapons and ran into the building, finally glad to be doing something useful.

While Ling and Donnelly entered the tunnel to stop the bank robbery, Angela was struggling to maintain appearances with her date.

"So... funny bit of weather we've been having," she said.

Dale laughed. "Yes, it is a funny bit of weather we've been having." He paused. "You don't get out much, do you?"

Angela laughed awkwardly and rubbed the back of her neck. "Yeah... I don't like the sun. It's too bright. Makes me sweaty."

"You're sure you're not a vampire?"

She laughed again. "Yes, I'm sure. I can see myself in mirrors, even though I don't want to sometimes."

"You know," he said, looking right into her eyes, "You're awkward. You're kind of a clutz. You've obviously cleaned yourself up for this date, but this doesn't seem like your normal state."

"Thanks."

"No, no, hear me out." He continued. "But at the same time, you're real. I'm so tired of fake people. I ask a customer at work how their day is going, and every time, it's the same answer. 'It's going fine,' they say. The nice ones ask me about my day. And every time, because this is how it works, I say the same thing.

"But you... You're different. If I asked you, you would actually tell me. You would say, 'Oh, today has kind of sucked. My mom got mad at me.' Or you would say 'My friend's goldfish died today, and she's really sad, but I don't really care even though I should.'

"You are beautiful, Angela, both in body and in heart. Shall I compare you to a summer's day? Thou art more lovely, and more temperate..."

Angela, looking both nervous and excited, looked back at Dale. "Shakespeare? I had no idea you were so well read."

"Uh, no, not Shakespeare. Star Trek."

And Angela's expression melted. She had found the right one.

And then it was Kira, at her side again. "I hate to break this up," she said, "but we need to get this place empty. Can you give me a hand?"

The robbers were on the ground, clutching the knees where they had been shot by the rifles of Donnelly and Ling. Donnelly walked over to the bottom of the concrete pad that the vault was sitting on and looked at the explosives so carefully laid across it.

Something wasn't right.

He took a look at the labels. The explosives were labeled as gelignite, just like Ling had said, but they smelled wrong.

He smelled it again.

"Ling, we need to evacuate the coffee shop. These idiots used the wrong explosives."

"I thought that was gelignite."

"That's what it's labeled as, but it's actually C-4. We need to go. Now."

"Can't you disarm it? Can't I disarm it?"

"No. There's not time. These people are idiots. We need to get out of here. Take one of the robbers, I'll take the other one. Winn?"

"Heard you. How much TNT?" asked Winn.

"Probably several hundred pounds. And this tunnel is unstable as is."

"Okay. Get them out. I'll have Kira and Foster evacuate the place."

Everyone was in a mad rush to get out of the coffee shop. Saying there was a bomb next door, while not the most tactful approach, certainly worked.

"Go! Go! GO!!" shouted Kira, trying to push everyone out.

Angela and Dale were in the back of the line to get out of the door. The panic spurred by Sergeant Foster's announcement was making exiting the building difficult.

And then there was a boom and a roar, and the building quivered and shook.

Pieces of the ceiling started falling in.

And then, with a great rush, the rest of the crowd got outside just as the building started to collapse. The tunnel had gone under the coffee house and had collapsed when the explosives went off.

Angela and Dale hit the ground, knocked over by the force of the blast.

"You know," gasped Angela, as they lay on the ground with their breaths knocked out of them, "I think I like you."

"I think I like you too," replied Dale. "The next time we go out, though, can we leave the bank robbers out of it?"

They both laughed.

"So... mission accomplished?" Port asked Angela after she had taken Dale home for the night.

"Yep. He's a really nice guy. I will let you know if things don't work out, though."

"Please do. This was fun."

"Do you have anyone in your life right now, Ms. Port?"

"Not really. It's been a low priority. I have to take care of my kid."

"Fair enough." Angela paused. "Thank you, again, for the help. Send my regards to Mr. Stewart?"

"Will do."

As Angela got out of the car, she was elated. She and Dale had planned another date, this time to a ballet performance of Swan Lake. Donnelly had agreed to run security, and she was borrowing Mr. Stewart's Porsche again.

Tonight was a good night. All was well.

#action #this is probably never going to happen #but it would be nice #gay #lesbian #bisexual #transgender #intersex #asexual #pansexual #everything else #the unnamed #social justice special forces #tv #movie

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atrocitycl · 8 years ago

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Critical Discussion: “Addressing a Concern: Fiestar’s Potential Disbandment”

“Addressing a Concern: Fiestar’s Potential Disbandment”

Posted on February 19, 2017

Nonetheless, this anxiety towards Fiestar’s potential disbandment is true—and in fact, whether or not these incidents occurred does not matter. Fiestar has always had the fear of disbandment: the group struggles financially as Cao Lu has said multiple times, and indeed, the ladies are not popular as a group even if individually two of them—Cao Lu and Yezi—are somewhat more popular. Likewise, their songs have not been strong enough to catch high popularity; at most, “You’re Pitiful” remains their best song and somewhat “Apple Pie,” but both of which are not easily “mainstream” pop songs especially the former as “You’re Pitiful” is a pop-ballad.

Personal Message: Admittedly this is more of a “casual” discussion than a “critical” one—“critical” in the sense of how these types of posts tend to be reserved for when social-related topics come into play, such as gender, sexuality, or even ethics—but I have decided to give my own take to the concern of Fiestar disbanding. There are a lot of clarifications that I believe should be addressed, and furthermore the current situation is not a binary of “Fiestar will either entirely disband or they will entirely continue as is.” Furthermore, this post will also allow me to address a question on what becomes of my subtitled videos of Fiestar (and indeed, Fiestar is the perhaps the group I am most emotionally attached to as a fan) should they disband entirely.

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Context: To clarify to those who are unaware of why this concern exists—though in truth, as I will address in a post about SPICA’s “hiatus,” this concern should have already been lurking in fans’ minds—there have been two main incidents leading fans to suspect that Fiestar is soon disbanding. The biggest reason is that, according to a few news articles, Fiestar’s leader—Jei—is no longer listed as a member of Fiestar on LOEN Entertainment’s website (their label company). In fact, Jei is supposedly not even in LOEN Entertainment anymore; a few sources claimed to has moved to another label company entirely under an actress category. As such, as readers can tell, this is creating much concern as Fiestar losing their leader and one of their most popular members can definitely hurt the group’s popularity if not a disbandment.

As for the other reason fans are concerned—and this, personally speaking, being a weaker reason—is due to Cao Lu’s words regarding Jei on a show: when Jei was in Fiestar. I hesitate to claim this is solid evidence for Jei leaving Fiestar (and that, even after Jei’s departure, Fiestar will continue with the remaining members) because this quote is not from Cao Lu directly; it came from English subtitles. And indeed, especially as Fiestar fans can tell with my own subtitles and translations, captions are never perfect due to lost-in-translations or simply translation mistakes (and of which I admittedly am tremendously guilty of).

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Analysis: Nonetheless, this anxiety towards Fiestar’s potential disbandment is true—and in fact, whether or not these incidents occurred does not matter. Fiestar has always had the fear of disbandment: the group struggles financially as Cao Lu has said multiple times, and indeed, the ladies are not popular as a group even if individually two of them—Cao Lu and Yezi—are somewhat more popular. Likewise, their songs have not been strong enough to catch high popularity; at most, “You’re Pitiful” remains their best song and somewhat “Apple Pie,” but both of which are not easily “mainstream” pop songs especially the former as “You’re Pitiful” is a pop-ballad.

And so, we come to the point of this post: What now? To first address on a personal level before addressing this situation in a general sense, I want to clarify this one point and I hope this message is spread to those who watch my subtitled videos: that in the case that Fiestar entirely disbands, I will still continue subtitling Fiestar videos as ridiculous as it sounds. I have, quite literally, gigabytes’ worth of videos that I still need to subtitle involving Fiestar, and even if the group itself is gone, I still wish to finish the responsibility I took up for fans. Now even when that is done, as many fans relate, I personally have grown quite attached to the ladies themselves in Fiestar—Cao Lu, Jei, Linzy, Hyemi, and Yezi. What this means is, even if the group disbanded, I will attempt my best to continue uploading and subtitling videos of each of them individually. Unfortunately this is unrealistic but it is possible and I will attempt my best to do so. In short: for fans worried they will forever lose access to Fiestar because I might no longer care for the members once the group is finished, this is false; I will continue to be a resource where fans can find videos of the ladies.

Ignoring that, though, let us address Fiestar’s potential disbandment as of itself. My stance is this: Wait for Jei and LOEN Entertainment to confirm she is officially leaving the group. Currently, all we have are speculations and for all we know, LOEN Entertainment might have made a deal with the company Jei is now currently signed with. If this is the case, perhaps Jei would still be in Fiestar but with merely a different company and contract. Additionally—and for the more realistic, feared route—even if Jei leaves the group, I argue Fiestar can still go proceed strongly as four. And admittedly by “strongly” I mean they can continue as is—not popular but perhaps at least maintaining a financial stability and having a decent, loyal audience. But on topic, recall that many other groups have lost members and are still doing well if not even better: Dal Shabet lost two members (one of whom was their core, solid rapper) and yet they persevere on and have released a very impressive song of “Someone Like U.” Nine Muses is also in mind as the group’s roster has seemingly shrunk every year. Though their current releases are not too strong, it should be acknowledged that Nine Muses has done very well despite so many roster changes.

Of course, though, it is true that no matter the situation if Jei leaves Fiestar it will hurt in all aspects—popularity, emotionally, and musically. That said, especially as this blog focuses more on the musical aspect of K-Pop (and a reader suggested I take some time to purely analyze vocalists, so perhaps this is a slight experiment at such), I think it is equally critical to discuss how Fiestar would be affected musically should Jei leave. In my opinion (and bearing in mind I am quite familiar with Fiestar in a musical sense and thus am not throwing random thoughts), the departure of Jei will leave a noticeable void but it is nothing that cannot be overcome. Regarding Jei’s role, she can be understood as a sub-vocalist; this means that Jei’s singing in Fiestar is oftentimes for less intensive, strenuous lines but it still means she provides those minute details that are still very much important.

As for why I claim her role is essentially “replaceable” (in a musical sense; I wish to emphasize this), we have to bear in mind that Cao Lu is Fiestar’s other sub-vocalist albeit weaker than Jei. Nevertheless, I see this as a chance for Cao Lu to finally receive much more lines and in songs such as “Thirst” and “Back and Forth,” I find that she is definitely capable of firmly holding that role even if Jei is a slightly more adept singer than Cao Lu when it comes to handling more complex tunes. Overall, unlike losing Linzy or Yezi—both of whom are the group’s main vocalist and rapper respectively—or even Hyemi with her being the lead vocalist (for those confused, the lead vocalist is basically in between the main and sub vocalist), Jei is already musically substituted by Cao Lu. As a result, Fiestar could theoretically continue without much if any shifts in the group’s musical role. (And to address how Fiestar would lose their “visual” member, I find this role fans have created rather silly—though no offense to those who strongly believe in this. For one, every idol in the K-Pop industry can be claimed a “visual” member, but I argue it is partially ridiculous that we belittle both male and female idols who might have excellent dancing and singing skills to nothing more than a pretty doll to stare at.)

Lastly, regarding the non-musical aspect I have yet to address, Fiestar’s popularity dropping from Jei leaving is a reasonable concern. While we have our comedy-genius Cao Lu and our “girl crush” Yezi (while I assume all readers know what that means, it is in reference to a woman who gives off a tougher, “do-not-mess-with-me” vibe—for a lack of a better term) as Fiestar’s other popular members, we have to acknowledge that many are fans of Fiestar because of Jei. Especially with her taking on acting in a drama and attending a myriad of variety shows, many fans are here because of Jei herself. Therefore, it is unavoidable that Fiestar would potentially lose some popularity from Jei leaving—and, many fans turn away from groups once members leave and more so when it is the group’s leader. However, even so, I argue Fiestar’s popularity will still be stable considering Yezi and Cao Lu are in the group and certainly, these two members have brought a lot of attention to Fiestar.

All in all, it would be greatly upsetting in all aspects if Jei leaves Fiestar—or worse: if Fiestar actually disbands. From a critical standpoint I find that Fiestar can still carry on without Jei, but I equally would understand the decision LOEN Entertainment and the remaining members make to disband if Jei leaves. Regardless of what occurs—Jei leaving or the group disbanding—it is always crucial for fans to be understanding and supportive to all members. As Cao Lu openly shared, working as an idol is an incredibly unstable job; there is no certainty that the group will hold well or that members can individually make a living. As such, Jei’s leaving—should it happen—should never be interpreted as her being selfish and ignoring the members and fans, and the same can be said if the members and company agree to end Fiestar. If through this all it happens to be nothing more than a contractual and company change on Jei’s part and Fiestar remains the same as currently, then I hope this post remains relevant in addressing the “lurking thoughts” fans—and perhaps even the members—have. And, would this not make us realize we need to truly support and cherish the ladies and group while we are all together?

_______________________________________________________

I hope this post is able to address some questions fans have regarding Fiestar’s current situation. Time will tell what occurs but as I said, being understanding and supportive is vital during this sensitive period. I personally will continue to subtitle Fiestar’s videos regardless of their status, and should the worst come I plan to still subtitle videos of the members in their individual paths.

Another post will come out similar in this fashion regarding SPICA’s “hiatus,” so look forward to it if the technical aspect of K-Pop is fascinating. As for standard reviews, BTS’ “Dead Leaves” and “Spring Day” will come out shortly. Thank you to all for reading, and whether one is a fan of Fiestar or not, I hope this post still provides a more critical insight as to how groups actually function in a systematic sense. (Though we always need to remember the humane side and that groups are not just a robotic team of robots.)

#Fiestar #Disbandment Discussion #Jei #Cao Lu #Yezi #Hyemi #Linzy #LOEN Entertainment #Critical Discussion #Subtitled Videos

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lodelss · 5 years ago

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Soraya Roberts | Longreads | February 2020 | 9 minutes (2,335 words)

I used to think I was the only one who dealt with this particular existential crisis. It’s the one where every choice you make coincides with the torture of knowing that you didn’t choose something else. And that something else, by virtue of not being chosen, has infinite potential for being the right choice. It’s a fallacy, of course. Because usually there is no right or wrong decision, just a decision. And when that decision is made, it’s not as final as all that. It’s one option in a series of options your life is made up of, some of which have bigger consequences, most of which have smaller ones. But that fallacy is what we bring to any prize or award or, you know, any competition that culminates in a reward of some kind. It makes sense, because it’s binary — you get it or you don’t — but the consequences usually aren’t. It certainly feels like your life will fundamentally change if you win, but more often than not that’s not the case. The choice is made, everyone goes ballistic, and pretty soon after everything goes back to how it was.

A South Korean movie with subtitles was not supposed to win four Oscars, an 18-year-old girl who makes music in her brother’s bedroom wasn’t supposed to take home five Grammys, and a foul-mouthed British woman shouldn’t have bagged three Emmys. There’s a cognitive dissonance to all of this, because, by now, we expect our institutions — Hollywood or otherwise — to make the wrong choices, which we expect because these institutions are populated by people who don’t actually reflect the world, only its most privileged citizens. And what’s a greater distillation of an out-of-touch industry’s allegiances and exclusions than the awards it bestows? The Emmys are The Big Bang Theory, the Grammys are “Shape of You,” the Oscars are Green Book. Filmmaker Bong Joon-ho, the one who took home those four statuettes for Parasite, could have been speaking about any number of ceremonies when he infamously said last year of the Oscars, “They’re very local.” Which I took to mean that the Academy tends to reward not only Americans, but work that expresses the white capitalist values that form American society (and Hollywood within it). When Parasite won, the dissonance didn’t just suddenly resolve itself, because we knew underneath that win that Hollywood itself hadn’t actually changed. So we burdened what should have been a moment of unadulterated joy with analysis — about the work, about the winner, about the voters, about the audience, about cinema. In Parasite terms, we covered it in peach fuzz.

* * *

It’s weird when deserving people win. It’s like a mindfuck. That’s what I thought (and tweeted) after Bong Joon-ho won the final Oscar of the year. What else do you say? It’s like being in the middle of a verbal sparring match with someone and they suddenly spit out something reasonable. You’re struck dumb. The Oscars almost never get it right, and when they get it wrong, it’s wrong (remember Crash?). This year, seeing the stage full of artists who are usually shut out of the ceremony — non-Americans, people of color, people with actual talent — accepting “Hollywood’s biggest honor” infected us all with such a severe case of cognitive dissonance I could hear our brains collectively short-circuit. And because of the way cognitive dissonance works, because it means we do everything we can to reconfigure the situation to align with what we believe to be true — in this case, that the Academy is “local�� — Parasite’s Best Picture win was encumbered by mental acrobatics. It was as though no one wanted to get too intoxicated because they had experienced the sobering return to the status quo so many times before. The award became a spoil of war over identity politics, doubly here, because not only is Bong South Korean, but Parasite is also in Korean. That meant no one could just enjoy its triumphs outside the context of its ethnic dynamics.

It was barely more than a month ago that Issa Rae deadpanned, “Congratulations to those men,” while announcing the all-male Oscar nominees for Best Director. In the all-white-but-one category, the best we could hope for was a win by the Asian genius, who, as luck would have it, had also made the best film (enough about The Irishman). And when Bong’s film was announced after a suitably dramatic pause by Jane Fonda, it all went so smoothly, it was like it was meant to be. This wasn’t the Moonlight fiasco, that embarrassing stutter in 2017 where the ceremony juddered with a, yeah, no, the better one, the black one, that’s the one that won, sorry, where’s the trophy? But that historic faux pas is still so fresh that its shadow is still cast across the Academy’s stage. It’s a not-so-distant reminder that stories like those continue to be interlopers, and one that partially but inevitably eclipses wins like Bong’s, which, all things being fair, should not have to answer for it. But he does. Per Adam Nayman at The Ringer, “a skeptic might wonder about the enthusiasm of any filmmaker — even such an obviously wry, self-styled subversive — desiring membership to a club that’s not always open or accommodating.” It’s true, but it is also true that this is a wonder that does not tend to greet the likes of Martin Scorsese or Quentin Tarantino. Because nothing they do, nothing they or their films represent, really clashes with this particular gentlemen’s club. They are white men presenting films focused on white men to a group of white men. There is no dissonance there to correct.

Unless you’re Joaquin Phoenix, who briefly shouldered the dissonance plaguing his marginalized peers. Prior to his Oscar win, the Joker star was extolled on social media for his self-flagellating speech at the diversity-blind BAFTAS. “I think that we send a very clear message to people of color that you’re not welcome here,” he said, reportedly to some uncomfortable silence. “This is not a self-righteous condemnation because I’m ashamed to say that I’m part of the problem.” While Phoenix initially walked off the BAFTAS stage leaving his trophy behind, picking up the Oscar so soon after that implied a tacit acceptance of Hollywood’s problematic politics, if not Britain’s. Engaging in the awards ceremony, being bowled over by a win of any kind, implies that on some level you respect the institution, you believe in it. The only way around this, really, is full-out rejection.

Several actors have avoided any hint of hypocrisy by extricating themselves from awards proceedings entirely. Marlon Brando infamously sent an Indigenous woman to reject his Oscar on the grounds of the film industry’s mistreatment of the Indigenous community, while George C. Scott preceded him by refusing to participate in 1970 in what he called a “two-hour meat parade, a public display with contrived suspense for economic reasons.” (That he did engage later somewhat undercutting his stance.) This has bled outside the Academy, to other industries where awards act as the ultimate expression of their ideals: Julie Andrews snubbed the Tonys for snubbing the rest of her team, for one, while knighthood after knighthood has been passed over over the years to protest the enduring monarchy. After declining the Nobel Prize for Literature, Jean-Paul Sartre outlined how an award is inextricable from its awarding body and the awarding body’s history. “The writer who accepts an honor of this kind involves as well as himself the association or institution which has honored him,” he wrote. “The writer must therefore refuse to let himself be transformed into an institution, even if this occurs under the most honorable circumstances, as in the present case.”

Increasingly aware that awards doled out by older institutions are misrepresentative of the culture and, in the case of the Grammys at least so committed to misconduct they will essentially fire even the CEO for confronting their sexism, artists have turned to smaller events for direction. Free of institutionalized myopia, they move more fluidly with the times. Before the Nobel committee announced it was awarding genocide denier Peter Handke the literature prize, for instance, The New York Times published a conversation among critics in which the Booker Prize (big in the industry, less outside of it) was floated as more indicative of the literary world’s proclivities; two women, Margaret Atwood and Bernardine Evaristo, shared the award the same year Handke won the Nobel. Meanwhile, the Independent Spirit Awards have openly owned their status as the official alternative, riffing this year — “we recognize female directors — all two of them!” — on the gaping lacunae the Oscar nominations left behind. Lulu Wang’s The Farewell won the top prize, while Adam Sandler secured a long-awaited win for his frenetic, lived-in performance in Uncut Gems. On the podium, the Sandman directly confronted the Academy he had only poked fun at on social media. He compared the situation to being passed over in high school for most good looking — in favor of a “feather-haired douchebag” — and winning best personality instead. “So let all of those feather-haired douchebag motherfuckers get their Oscars tomorrow night,” he said. “Their handsome good looks will fade in time, while our independent personalities will shine on forever.”

Oscar winner Bong does happen to have feathered hair, but cognitive dissonance still accompanied his victory as a corrective for how unexpected it was. Parasite won four awards, yes, but why no acting prizes? Racism, obviously. The wider skeptical responses to what appeared to be attempts by the Academy to be a little “woker” further unmasked them as shallow performance, sometimes literally. The opening Janelle Monáe–led musical number? “Diversity,” a number of critics of color deadpanned. Natalie Portman’s cape festooned with the cursive names of overlooked female filmmakers? Hypocrisy. Her production company has worked mostly with men. Meanwhile, Renée Zellweger’s win was just a reminder of Judy Garland’s lack of wins, and Joaquin Phoenix’s speech was more like an ad for PETA. The complaints had varying levels of validity, but why the impulse to make them so expediently? There seemed to be this overarching need to expose the flaws in what appeared to be a precarious night based on a set of arbitrary choices — to cast aside these momentary remedies to reveal the foundational faults that cannot in the long run support them.

This is the drive to push for deeper systemic change where we can, to protest where there is nothing apparent to protest, to miss no chances. To revel in a win is to fleetingly ignore everything that’s wrong, and there’s no time left for that. A symbol of progress like Parasite thus becomes shackled by its own symbolism, dragging along the wider sociocultural implications with its artistry. It then becomes not only a perfectly executed piece of filmmaking, but the Oscar anomaly, the one which bolsters our expectations of the Academy, the foreign film which secures a wider theatrical run post-win, the popular nonwhite release standing in for all the nonwhite releases.

* * *

“Cognitive dissonance is a motivating state of affairs,” wrote social psychologist Leon Festinger, who coined the term. “Just as hunger impels a person to eat, so does dissonance impel a person to change his opinions or his behavior.” Bong didn’t expect to win over the Oscars. The dissonance he felt was clear in the way he admired his trophy on stage, the way he proceeded to lead a standing ovation for fellow nominee Scorsese, who he quoted — “The most personal is the most creative” — and praised along with the remaining nominees: Tarantino, Todd Phillips, and Sam Mendes. “If the Academy allows,” he concluded. “I would like to get a Texas chainsaw, split the Oscar trophy into five and share it with all of you.” That the director from South Korea who made a quintessentially South Korean film felt the need to create a feeling of inclusivity on a quintessentially American stage says something about where America, if not the Oscars, is right now. That is to say, that marginalized communities, while protesting their historical treatment, can also recognize the merits of the institutions that have neglected them, deferring to aspects of their legacies despite their lack of diversity.

But the opposite is rarely true. The institutions and the people who represent them should be deferring to the populations that they have overlooked for so long. But they don’t; just look at Tarantino’s refusal at Cannes to even engage in a question about gender politics with respect to Once Upon a Time … in Hollywood. Which is why Phoenix’s words at the BAFTAs were so powerful, because he was admitting that in some sense it is a zero-sum game, that his chance denied someone else’s, that he was complicit in this denial. It was groundbreaking when it really shouldn’t be, when for nonwhite filmmakers like Bong this level of discourse is expected.

Generally, it’s up to the outsiders to help other outsiders. On the Oscars red carpet, Bong made sure to mention Lulu Wang’s The Farewell, which had been overlooked, despite taking Best Picture at the Independent Spirit Awards. Insiders seem to miss this heightened urgency around inclusivity because it is not urgent for them. Critics clamored to determine what Parasite’s win could mean for American cinema, but that question was beside the point. The unexpected win by an international artist on domestic soil says less about the cracks in Hollywood’s traditions than it does about the world, which almost imperceptibly but certainly is changing both despite us and because of us, both for the worse and for the better, with marginalized populations leading the biggest changes of all. As always, Bong was already aware of this communal dissonance before everyone else. As he said at the Lumière Festival in October: “When I made Parasite, it was like trying to witness our world through a microscope. The film talks about two opposing families, about the rich versus the poor, and that is a universal theme, because we all live in the same country now: that of capitalism.”

* * *

Soraya Roberts is a culture columnist at Longreads.

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wylthefluffer · 6 years ago

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Hello

7/26/2019 3amish

***TRIGGER WARNING*** ANXIETY, GENDER DYSPHORIA, DISABILITIES, ANXIETY, FURRY, CHRISTIAN, NON-BINARY, TALK OF TRANSITION, TRANSGENDER, MENTAL HEALTH TALK, DEMIROMANTIC, PANROMANTIC, ASEXUAL, MOGAI

Hi, I'd like to introduce myself.

My name is Wyl. Pronounced just like "Will". My birth name has a "y" in it which I have always been fond of, and I like the idea of being called Will, but would rather make it more androgynous I guess, so I'm adding that letter in to substitute. It just makes it feel more familiar.

I am non-binary. The way I'd describe my gender is kinda MOGAI-y (no hate towards them, you're fine), and j don't know if anyone wants hear it, but I guess I will see what happens? I am like... There's the female side, and the male side, and they're like, orbiting each other kinda like a moon and a planet. So feminine lunar energy and masculine Mars energy, right? So basically I feel like my gender is another planet in the solar system. Not super far away, but distant enough. Kind of like a small star orbiting a big star. I feel my gender, but I don't feel a big connection to make or female. I'm not a gender, because I still feel gender. But at times I'm so far away I can't even see the moon and Mars. I'm setting else out there. What, I haven't discerned yet, as most non-binary people describe (at least Frome the ones I've met) this middle feeling between the two binaries, but never used the word "bigender", which is what I thought that was. Or there are non-binary people who describe being so removed from gender themselves that they call themselves "agender" or "demigender". I just don't feel like I'm there. I feel like I'm on the opposite side of agender, and male, and female. I just have to find time to research more descriptions I guess? I've heard of the neutral gender thing, and that's great, but I don't feel neutral either. I feel very biased towards something, that isn't in any of those categories.

I do experience dysphoria. I experience it with my chest, my curves, my hair. I dissociate from my reflection in the mirror as not really me, or I hide from it. That and photos. I hate photos. I have pretended or tried being a guy before. When I was little I would play the guy in games. One time I thought I was supposed to be a guy. A few times I wanted to pee standing up or a different way from boys or girls. I would play outside with the hose and put it between my legs (I know, I know) and say "I'm peeing!" knowing that's what boys did (kinda). I even once tried to walk around without a shirt on, and got yelled at for it. But things associated with male genitalia and pretending I had it made me feel icky too. When I realized I was gonna grow a chest, I was confused, then nervous, and then mortified when it started happening and I had to wear bras. I wanted to hide so badly and couldn't until after I turned 13 and my mom let me choose baggy clothes. I still felt uncomfortable because I didn't know any clothes that would make me feel better. I became self conscious about my chest, and my voice, which I wanted to be mid-range. But I knew I didn't want to be hairy or a deep voice, so I wasn't a boy. I hated being called "lady", "ma'am" "miss" or "woman". "Girl" wasn't much better either. I just felt this fear and uncomfortableness towards gender. Female chests, male groins, naked people. Just ew. I've always disliked my groin area, but I found out quickly I didn't want a male groin. Atm I don't know of any other options. So yea, a lot of things. I knew males didn't have to be masculine and females didn't have to be feminine. I wanted to be called a tomboy because it was the best I had and my mom said I wasn't a tomboy, which angered me. I guess she rather thought me either just a girl or something else that only could be called girl as that's what I was born as. It was not good.

My pronouns are... Ze/Zir/Zis/Zimself - confusing, I know. Me too, but I am more confused by she/her, he/him, they/them. I guess if I'd have to choose one I'd go with he/him?

I am asexual. This was my introduction to the lgtbq community. I realize I might be when I was 13/14ish but really began to take it seriously around 15/16. I then began to officially go by it at 19/20 and my friend group accepted it pretty well.

I am demiromantic. This means, for me, I only understand romanticism when I'm in the mood for it, and it's usually an intensifier of platonic relationship stuff, with exclusive companionship. I am attracted to masculine leaning people, and non-binary people. I get along with them better on a relationship basis. I currently am single.

I am also panromantic. "But how does that work!" I heard you saying. Well, "demi" is something that refers to half, or partial association with something. The part of me that associated with romanticism is panromantic. Why? Because I am romantically attracted and can form crushes on non-binary people. And considering non-binary is a collection of multiple distinct alignments, I count this attraction I feel as towards multiple genders. I do not feel romantic attraction to females at this moment. Being around them sometimes intensifies my dysphoria so that doesn't help? Maybe if I get top surgery I'll feel better.

I am a Christian. I believe in God and that he made you and me, and he made people whose brains and bodies didn't match in gender sometimes. There are intersex people after all, which is where the body is mixed up, so why can't there be people whose brains are messed up? There are even trans-intersex people who were assigned one gender at birth and identify as something different. I don't think people born this way are mistakes, I think it's a chance God gives us to help each other and express love and understanding. It's more a challenge than a curse. And that's okay. This world can be terrible, but that's because of Satan's influence. It's not God's fault people don't accept you. It's people's fault for not accepting you, and Satan's fault for tempting them. God wants you to beloved and to give love. "Love thy neighbor as thyself". This means if you accept yourself, and overlook your own flaws, then be tolerant and do the same for your neighbor. And if you're not loving yourself, and you're treating people the same way you're treating yourself, that's not okay either. To the best of your power he needs you to spread that love. That's the only way we'll make it.

I'm a Furry! Yep! I like to make anthropomorphic animal characters and get art and merchandise of them. I also use them online as a persona, as it's more comfortable for me. My main Fursona is Ridley, who is just like me. I'm a fursuit maker too, a decently popular one in the sense that I have a lot of commissions. I'm still working on them as I am behind ;-;

So I'd like to explain why it took me so long to come out as asexual, trans, non-binary, demiromatic, and panromantic. I got sick when I was 15. What with? GERD (stomach thing), POTS (heart thing related to nervous system function), and what they think right now is fibromyalgia (like a nerve disorder causing pain and cognitive issues). I also finally got diagnosed with anxiety at 18, and went on medication which helped control it. My GERD was cured, it flared up twice. My POTS and fibromyalgia won't stop though, and I've developed PTSD from years of isolation from people (social anxiety), unhealthy relationships, and social hardships and emotional hardships suffered from being sick. POTS causes me low blood volume, tendency to dehydrate, high heart rate, low blood pressure, and spontaneous panic attacks which are caused by an adrenaline release in response to the heart doing funky things. I can't control it, and I have no medication for it right now. The only thing that I've found to help sometimes is sedative antianxiety medications (which they won't give me for risk of dependancy) and medical marijuana, which is legal in my state. I get high sometimes to control my anxiety, and this is only just this week that I started. It's helped a lot as we just moved again and I can barely cope with moves anymore.

I have a Service Dog for my disabilities. My doctor approved it last year after I asked if she thought it was okay I got a dog and trained it as one, and she agreed it would be best. So I did! I am working with a private trainer, and owner training. I actually have researched the topic of Service Dogs a lot and federal Service Animal laws, so youcna ask me questions. Ty, my SDiT (Service Dog in Training, because he is learning tasks) is 20 months old. He's medium sized, almost large, slightly smaller than the average golden retriever but bigger than a border collie. He developed a natural tendency to alert to panic attacks, light headedness, migraines, and to key in to my anxiety. He goes with me almost everywhere now and his tasks are medical alert and physically contact. Physical contact is a task in this instance because it helps my nerves calm down, helps overstimulation, helps anxiety, and keeps me from dissociating and I have him within reach to pet if I need to stim ("stimulate" an action that someone uses in order to focus, deal with stress, or manage attention). I am waiting to see a therapist for PTSD, gender dysphoria, and possibly autism. If I seem a bit disinterested, it's because I do develop special interests, which is one clue that may mean I am autistic. We'll see. One of my special interests is friendship.

So yea, that's me. This'll give you an idea on what you might see in this blog, if anyone actually wants to follow me. If I don't answer, I'm likely working, having anxiety, or sick. Don't feel bad.

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lodelss · 5 years ago

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Wait, What?

Soraya Roberts | Longreads | February 2020 | 9 minutes (2,335 words)

* * *

It’s weird when deserving people win. It’s like a mindfuck. That’s what I thought (and tweeted) after Bong Joon-ho won the final Oscar of the year. What else do you say? It’s like being in the middle of a verbal sparring match with someone and they suddenly spit out something reasonable. You’re struck dumb. The Oscars almost never get it right, and when they get it wrong, it’s wrong (remember Crash?). This year, seeing the stage full of artists who are usually shut out of the ceremony — non-Americans, people of color, people with actual talent — accepting “Hollywood’s biggest honor” infected us all with such a severe case of cognitive dissonance I could hear our brains collectively short-circuit. And because of the way cognitive dissonance works, because it means we do everything we can to reconfigure the situation to align with what we believe to be true — in this case, that the Academy is “local” — Parasite’s Best Picture win was encumbered by mental acrobatics. It was as though no one wanted to get too intoxicated because they had experienced the sobering return to the status quo so many times before. The award became a spoil of war over identity politics, doubly here, because not only is Bong South Korean, but Parasite is also in Korean. That meant no one could just enjoy its triumphs outside the context of its ethnic dynamics.

* * *

Soraya Roberts is a culture columnist at Longreads.

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