#find nth term of AM

[freddie-mercury-rising]

No one asked, but here's my two cents on the LAJ bullshit.

Is it completely unbelievable that Freddie Mercury had sex with women in the 70s? No. People have a lot of experiences, especially when they are learning how they want to identity and who they truly feel comfortable with. That does not discount him being gay. That just signifies that sexual identity is far more complex than who we fuck. It always has been and always will be.

My opinion means nothing, but it does not ring very true that Freddie would have sex with a "good friend's wife". First of all, I doubt he was having sex with very many women at that time period. He was getting out of a serious relationship with Mary, having affairs with men, coming to terms with and exploring his relationships with men, so why would he go and fuck around with a bff's wife? If he wanted some strange, he'd just go and fuck some random woman, wouldn't he? Someone as private as Freddie would not want to mess around with someone else's wife, imo. If nothing else, but for the fact that it would draw way too much attention to him/them. With men, it was quite different, because it was all sort of "secretive" anyway (for better or worse).

Also, and more importantly, how in the world am I expected to believe that a secret of his magnitude (a secret love child) could have been kept hidden from EVERYONE, including the press, for so many years? Every aspect of Freddie's life was publicized (to the nth degree). The press kept him in a chokehold from the time he was remotely famous to the minute he died. There would be NO way that something as significant as a love child would go unnoticed or unreported for that long. Hell, people were reporting if he was out in public "looking ill" way before he actual was showing signs of HIV. If he was visiting a specific location (i.e. his love child's house) multiple times, wouldn't someone have reported that? The British press were ruthless, so it's not like they would have had the decency to protect anyone.

Furthermore, why would a secret love child, all these years later, decide to finally come out with her story, but conveniently not want to be named nor acknowledged, nor given anything, but coincidentally spill it all to a tabloid journalist who is profiting off of the story? Everything is so neatly "anonymous" because it benefits the author of this scandalous story. She can cover all her bases, proclaim "privacy" and "confidentiality" and invent whatever she likes. Why would none of this have come up during Freddie's estate sale, when all his most private and intimate possessions were being scattered to the wind? If you were Freddie's secret love child, would you decide (after almost 50 years of keeping mum) to spill your entire story to a random bit--woman? LAJ claims this "daughter" does not want anything in return for this story, but that, of all this, is the most unbelievable part. If you were Freddie's secret love child, wouldn't you talk to anyone else IN THE WORLD than LAJ?

Just my opinions on this fiasco. My fear is that this news has now been entered into the Zeitgeist and is now considered "true", like so much of the swill we find true these days, with no critical thinking necessary.

[ieytdconfessions]

I want to preface by saying: I am not trying to attack anyone, god knows I’m not trying to start the nth pseudo culture war over This One Guy, I really respect and admire ALL the talented participants of this fandom even if their field of focus isn’t in my particular interest. This is more of an anonymous (and probably biased) vent, I guess?

Anyway. John Juniper. Please do not get me wrong, I have grown to really like him as a character, he has a fun personality and this quite unique psyche / motivation I don’t see in a lot of villains these days, I think he’s interesting. I do like him! But I don’t like him… *like that.* And sometimes I can’t help but feel really alienated for it

As an aspec/ace-questioning fan, I am not hugely compelled by the shipping side of things. Again I’m NOT ATTACKING ANYONE. I still like looking at other people’s ship art even if it’s not my own taste, because hey, look, The Characters are in it! I like The Characters!! But when I try to contribute my own writing or art or whatever, which isn’t selfship/general ship focused, I never get the same response that other people do—not in terms of the numbers, that’s just fandom statistics for you, but the actual connection. I just feel like everyone else in this fandom is FRIENDS with each other. Everyone else is bonded over their shared sexyman (that’s not meant to be a derogatory term, he just objectively is our elected sexyman lol). But I just. Can’t do it. I can’t connect with that. I feel like I’m struggling to break into the ‘clique’ here and I can’t shake the feeling that that’s the piece I’m missing

I know people always say ‘If you want [x content] make it yourself’, ‘you can’t be mad if other people like [y content]’, and I understand that, that’s not really what this ramble is about, though. Like, those are nice enough platitudes in theory, but in practice, I feel like it’s perfectly reasonable to feel upset when it’s like everyone else is part of this elusive club that you don’t get to be in. I do not CARE if that’s what other people want to make or consume, I’m happy for them that they have found their own joy. But you can’t really just tell someone to go play in the sandpit no one else is in because they don’t want to play on the crowded monkey bars… and then be surprised when that same person feels lonely digging holes in the sand with like two other people who are going to wander off back to the monkey bars in the next five minutes. Yknow??

To be fair, it may very well NOT be Juniper’s fault. Maybe I just don’t have anything of real value to offer in this fandom and The Sexyman Effect is coincidental. Again, I’m not angry at anyone, I’m just honestly sad. I really look up to a lot of creators in this fandom, have/did try so hard to offer creations I thought people would like, to make myself useful, to Be Part Of The Gang. And it’s not like anyone was *nasty*! People were and are nice to me!! But I could never feel like I was One Of You. Just because I don’t (and can’t) personally find that man attractive.

I know I’m broken-recording it at this point at this point but please, nobody take this as a declaration of ANOTHER freaking flame war. This isn’t even meant to be a broad-scale social commentary, I’m sure I’m not the only one who doesn’t care for the shipping side but I doubt it’s that serious for most others like me, and I’m not trying to rally anyone into thinking it is. I just wanted to, yknow, use the confession booth and get a personal experience off my chest.

Godspeed fellow Agents keep doing whatever makes you happy always no matter what whoever on the internet says

.

[more-than-tender-curiosity]

YOU ALSO HAVE A VAMPIRE GATSBY AU??? dhbdjdd whats goin on in yours? you tagged my post saying it way different so if you dont mind sharin, im curious!

oh man so it's literally. nth in line. in terms of my to-be-written queue. but! basically it would take place in a version of the world where vampires and humans coexist, but vampires are largely kept hush-hush due to the massive clans of hunters around (significant of 'old money'). jay is a recently turned vampire, as in wolfshiem turned him in 1919. I've talked about it before somewhere but jay being a vampire...the concept of being permanently stuck...is just so him. and it lends well to the concept of these parties being the only way he can get daisy to come to him. it's not like he can go out during the day, right? and these parties provide a constant stream of people to feed off of, but of course, as in the book, he's very generous with those he feeds from—they don't remember it, of course, but when someone says "I tore my dress last time I was here and he sent me a new one worth 200 dollars to replace it"...even if she doesn't remember it, WE know he took a lil sip and was paying her back. he's not an animal after all. beyond that, daisy's family is full of hunters. some of the best. doesn't matter. jay wants daisy, and only daisy, not just because he loved her before he turned and she's one of the few strong memories of his human life, but because there's a chance that her bloodline is something of an undo button for vampirism. that's why they became hunters so far back, of course; vampires were always after them, trying to get their blood to 'cure' themselves. definitely not an allegory for jay trying to use daisy to 'cure' any other forms of his 'otherness'. nope. none of that here....................akdjflajdflakjd but obviously he's after daisy because once he has her, he can drink from her, cure himself, and they'll live happily ever after!! right!!! until!!! oh no!!!! her cousin shows up!!!! you know,,,, her cousin,,,, with the same fix-it genome ?????? whoopsie daisy.

it's not super fleshed out but it's definitely a Jay Lives au, mostly because wilson didn't know to use a silver bullet. nick would ideally find jay there bloodless and burning as the sun rises and try to give him some of his blood and...............ope. well :) you'll just have to find out what happens after that.

unfortunately. i am. 150k deep in Gatsby and 36k deep in RIght on TIme and. well. i cant handle another wip. alkdjfaldjf

[glg-archive]

welcome to glg-archive!

i reblog xlx and x4x terms. this blog is unaligned on discourse.

the key for the shortenings i use is under the cut. it's a collection of as many as i could find (as well as some i made up myself), with no repeats. it's also not just genders either despite the blog name.

if you're the coiner of any of the below terms and you want the shortening changed, or if you want your term added to the list, let me know!

A - agender AB - abinary ACE - asexual ACRYST - oracrystular AE - aurethesia AETH - aetherine AH - anisohormonal AI - ainuline ALIA - aliagender ALLI - allion ALT - altumen AM - ambonec AMORETTO - valovarose AN - androgyne ANGE - angelichti ANB - anonbinary ANM - anemoire ANNB - androgynous nonbinary APH - aphelean APL - aplatonic APO - apogender APR - aporagender AQ - aquarine AQP - aqueerplatonic ARO - aromantic AROA - aroace AS - aspec ASEN - asensual ASTIA - aneastian AT - atrinary ATG - aeterignis ATN - aeternic ATX - aeternix AU - autigender AUTI - autistic B - binary BETREER - gloeyeeric BG - bigender BGF - bigenderfluid BLANK - genderblank BN - binaryn't BU - butch CA - carrifestex CAT - catgender CATACLYST - extinclypse CG - carnoguron CH - chaokleine CM - cis man CN - caiene CR - crystaline CT - comuniterm CW - cis woman CWV - ciwavia CY - cyberaveir D - demigender DAEM - daemoniaku DAR - darcluberis DAT - datesime DB - demiboy DBX - dubstextro DC - demicis DD - dardowffin DEU - deursity DG - demigirl DI - dimensen DIA - diastine DK - drag king DQ - drag queen DRE - dreandna DROTIO - liquldrotion ECCE - eldorr EK - elekissal EP - epicene EV - everithe EX - existerra EXL - exulancian FB - femboy FE - femme FEM - feminine FER - feruvel FG - faunagender FLFU - fluidflux FLRG - floragender FLUX - genderflux FM - femman FNB - fem-aligned nonbinary FRE - freelekour FUR - furrean GEM - gemgendered GF - genderfluid GFAU - genderfaun GFK - genderfuck GFLR - genderflor GG - gothgender GNC - gender nonconforming GOOZER - oozsteren GOT - gorture GP - genderpunk GQ - genderqueer GV - gendervoid GVA - gender variant H - human HD - hedoxine HK - hardkoria HM - headmate HOW - howabeiyn HR - occunous HV - hivensect HYP - hypnoceras HYR - hyperromantic HYS - hypersexual I - intersex IB - inbissiec ICG - icegender IG - intergender IMO - imosril IND - indetermined INS - instinctant INVER - invernoric IP - ipsogender IREN - musirenar ISO - isogender ITH - itherine J - juxera K - kenochoric KIMED - kimeditive KV - kasvionan L - luxine LB - loverboy LENEL - bachiangest LES - lesbian LIB - libragender LM - lumenoir LP - lepritch LSB - lesboy LTM - lestroy LUNI - lunian M - man MA - macarshric MASC - masculine MCH - mechaneve MG - multigender MGAY - mspec gay MI - mione MIN - minalence MIS - mislypec MLES - mspec lesbian MN - monachoric MNB - masc-aligned nonbinary MOPO - polymono MTURI - mspec turian MUS - musicgender MV - maverique MW - manwoman N - neutral NAU - nauticaean NB - nonbinary NBM - nonbinary man NBN - nonbine NBW - nonbinary woman NC - non-cis ND - neurodivergent NE - neutrois NEOP - neopronouns NEP - neptunic NG - neurogender NH - nonhuman NM - non-man NR - nurse NTH - nethros NU - null NW - non-woman O - outherine OB - objectum OBK - objectkin OMINGEL - angelettric ORANIV - floranivor P - pangender PA - patient PALETTE - paletelour PF - polyfluid PG - polygender PNC - pronoun nonconforming PV - proxvir Q - queer QM - queer man QW - queer woman RICUS - mirricusion RISMON - daemyrui ROSET - rosetoric RS - rosenion RVL - revulamour S - slasherval SB - subtliden SM - system member SN - sanguirum SOLI - solian SP - soporine STELLI - stellian STIOUN - constiounth SYN - synthroin SYSTF - system transfem SYSTM - system transmasc T - trans TAGEN - transagenrine TAPO - transaporine TB - tomboy TDRO - transandrogynous TE - tenethesia TECHIE - futechinel TFEM - transfem TFM - transfemmasc TG - turigirl TH - therian TM - trans man TMASC - transmasc TMAV - transmaverine TOMNI - transomnine TN - transneutral TNC - trans nonconforming TR - terine TRB - techrobai TRI - trigender TVD - transvoid TW - trans woman TX - tudexitii TXE - transxenine UNB - unaligned nonbinary UR - uranic V - valene VLV - valovarose VISCUS - nikutcheral VL - velocier VP - vampgender W - woman WF - warfaren WIST - wisteric WV - warrven X - xenic XE - xenogender XB - xenoboy XG - xenogirl XM - xenic man XW - xenic woman ZAB - zabainal ZG - zodiacgender 0 - none 2S - two spirit

tags with no change/shortening: allo, any, bear, bi, cub, femmasc, ficto, hunk, mspec, omni, otter, pan, ply, twink, twunk

[burningdarkfire]

Do you have any thoughts of a sequel or just the following events for "the monster, the mirror"?

I just re-read it for the nth time and it wrecked me all over again, they're so wonderfully broken

hi nonnie, thanks for reaching out and thank you for your patience! this ended up being long and not directly to your point, but i hope you can find something of an answer that you like in here!

funnily enough, i have thoughts about sequels for 95% of my published fanfiction and somehow, perfectly, "the monster, the mirror" (let's just call it TMTM for this ask) landed in the 5%

but i can talk about anything when given the chance, so ... why don't i have any thoughts about what comes after TMTM?

there's the practical reason that i've simply told the story i wanted to tell, not only in this specific fic but in the werewolf series as a whole. i understand that if you're mostly a shadowgast fan then the other ones probably don't do anything for you at all, but this werewolf AU was pretty much always conceptualized as a triptych and, despite the variance in tone, they were designed to speak to each other. it doesn't need saying that The Wolf Is A Metaphor, the series is in fact about how each member of blumendrei as well as various members of the m9 deal with all of the everything that is in caleb (and thus astrid's and wulf's) backstory and who they are today

(sidenote: i do acknowledge that a perfect triptych probably would've had caleb's section with veth and yeza instead in the interest of symmetry. unfortunately i am also just profoundly a shadowgast fan)

what do i think happens afterwards? well, TMTM is a situation where caleb has chosen to be vulnerable with essek and essek has chosen to massively overstep one of caleb's boundaries, resulting in both of them being hurt. i'm a big fan of sex gone bad situations (desire, fulfilled; nothing burns like the cold) where it's less about finding fault and more about how devastatingly messy it is to be vulnerable with another person. neither of them meant to hurt the other, they both know that they have done something wrong, they both fear how the other will now view them, and they both feel hurt and a little afraid that their trust in the other is misplaced. i think early post-canon shadowgast deals with that by not dealing with it well at all, and very probably they soft ghost each other until others (the m9, astrid/wulf) intervene. in the meantime, the wolf only gets harder to control.

where does the story go from there? if i were to write it, i would aim for a happy ending, where caleb learns how to live with his wolf and essek learns how to let somebody else make a decision, even if he really really disagrees with it

so why won't i write it? part of why i won't write it is because The Wolf Is A Metaphor and i have no interest in spinning that into a lycanthropy that can be understood and tamed. part of why i won't write it is because i don't like writing relationship-bending lack of communication, even if i think it's true to these characters. and the biggest part of why i won't write it is because really what comes next is just the same story about caleb reconnecting with his old friends and coming to terms with everything that happened to them that i am constantly telling, and i struggle to imagine what new material i could bring to that within this frame that would be better than something outside of it

to summarize: i consider the story finished, i almost certainly won't write a sequel, but i do think the caleb and essek of this 'verse will eventually figure it out with the help of their friends, they will wade through a bunch more mess and some more hurt, and then they will learn to trust themselves and each other again and go on to have weird fully consensual werewolf sex in the future :)

thank you again for your ask and your interest in my fic, i'm very glad to hear that you liked it 💖

[the-epic-hiram-lows]

i would LOVE director's commentary on your favorite moodboard(s)

OMG, you just gave me license to be so pretentious, anon. Thank you. I will try to make this DVD commentary as entertaining and insightful as possible.

These will be very long, so I will do one per post. Let's go in chronological order.

Penelope Blossom

For clarity, I will go L-R from each row, starting at the top.

I had about 5-6 glove options, but they all came off too garish. I mostly settled on this one because of the unsettling normalcy of the backdrop. While Penelope is a gothic heroine, her type of evil lurks in the most mundane of places.

I swear I have a clear image of Penelope playing a piano. If not canon, it feels right. That was the cherry on top of this sundae. I searched far and wide for the right traumacore image with this theme. Lots of options were too specific. I am so happy I found this one, which is nearly the exact quote I searched for, and had a red theme.

I hate that I chose this, and keep kicking myself for doing two wardrobe-based pictures in the same row, though a good 45% of me thinks that their existing on the same row evokes a story, and makes it look intentional. Also, this is Dolce.

This one came up while searching for an entirely different Penelope-related picture. I think it is the first one I found. It felt like such a happy coincidence I didn't bother searching for anything similar. The shoe was already red, which really makes it seem fated that it showed up in a completely unrelated search. I love that it feels distinctly 80s. Not only is that the era of Penelope's origin story, but it shows Penelope's range. Who else can effortlessly flow from 80s pulp to gothic Victorian?

I spent at least a full hour trying to find the perfect photo of old Hollywood hair to crop. It didn't even have to be red. Nothing worked. I must have searched 10 terms. I even resorted to Google. Finally, I just searched 'hair extension' in hopes of an extreme close up. I ended up falling in love with the simplicity of this image. It really enhanced the 'fox in the snow' color palette I wanted- more on that later. I'm not thrilled with the color job (it was a warm blonde originally. I just enhanced the reds to the nth degree) but it'll do. I had to put red hair in the center because it defined her entire path. Had her genes been slightly different, the Blossoms would not have adopted her with nefarious intent.

This is as literal as it is metaphorical. On a metaphorical level, the keys reflect that she is a captor (and, within that, another metaphor- most of the captivity she causes is psychological.) The keys also serve as a literal encapsulation of the aesthetic she curated. Of course, that aesthetic also largely informs the genres of her story lines. The aesthetic also shows a deep attachment to the past. She chooses nostalgia over convenience (keys over doors that lock themselves,) but not because she enjoys reminiscing. Speaking of the past, though she is a captor now, she was a captive in the past she clings to.

Probably too on-the-nose. I debated this, then told myself any other representation of her poison plants would either be too ambiguous or not aesthetically cohesive.

I love this next to the previous picture. A two frame story. What really made me go 'JACKPOT' was the layers upon layers of Penelope's story it applies to. Firstly, it's a goblet. This is an obvious nod to G&G- the blue juice, the aesthetics of her campaign and the game as a whole, and the scene with Alice in the bathroom. It also echoes of the poison challenge she made Veronica and Betty complete. That brings me to the next element- the fact the photo is a representation of being poisoned. Due to cropping, I'm not 100% sure it comes through, but the photo is someone collapsed on the floor with a spilling goblet. It's a trope we've seen a million times. We know that poison is one of Penelope's signature weapons of choice. Through which medium? Gardening. And what is spilling out of that goblet? Rose petals. Specifically, red roses. It is as if Penelope left a kiss of death for someone as a calling card (fitting, given her former profession.) The flowers are as delicate as they are unassuming, like any good femme fatale. It also serves as a stealthy nod to The Flowers in the Attic.

This is what she wants most, is it not? In some ways, she reminds me of one scene in The Killing of a Sacred Deer (if you haven't seen it, please do,) where the antagonist tells his ambiguously deserving victim "I don't know if what is happening is fair, but it's the only thing I can think of that's close to justice." Penelope, pathologically stuck on the past, can only focus on vengeance. It is not fair that she suffered, so she must make others suffer. There is no changing the past, so the people who caused her suffering must pay for it. However, Penelope is lawful evil. She does not act out of apathy or a pure love for depravity. She has a code. See: the challenges she forced the core four to do. If Penelope wanted to, she had ample opportunity to simply murder them. She didn't need to provide an antidote for the poison at the end of the game, either, but Penelope has a love for the game. While you could (and maybe should) argue this is also plot armor in action, I think it shows that Penelope has some sort of internal moral code that informs her villainous logic. Sure, Hal died, but that's because someone had to pay... and Hal committed the worse sin of all: failing to deliver what Penelope needed of him. So, yes, there is some 'honor' in her evil... but, more importantly, honor is what she hopes to achieve through the vengeance. Who will give a little orphan girl the honor she deserved? Nobody did, so she must retroactively honor that girl's suffering with revenge.

Miscellaneous/broad notes now! The second I was tasked with doing a Penelope mood board, I had an immediate color scheme in mind. I wanted a pale, fiery, striking palette that still had a dark gothic feel. Looking back, I wish I toyed with it more, but I stayed true to the image of greys, whites and reds cloaked in darkness.

I also immediately knew at least 4 of the 9 image concepts I wanted. All of the mood boards were difficult for their own reasons- for Penelope, it was narrowing down options, which is a good problem, all things considered.

I decided very early on that I wanted my mood boards to be a psychological study. They must treat every delusion as reality, because they are firmly grounded in the subjects' mind set and self image. For instance, I would not put something like 'shut up you smarmy bastard' on a Bret board. That is exterior perception. I would love to do more broad mood boards later on, where I tackle the character design, including fan reception and/or in-universe reception to the character, but I nixed that for my first round of mood boards. Instead, I told myself I need to tap into every ounce of empathy in my body and tell the story Penelope tells herself. Some things, like the set of keys, do double as an Easter egg of sorts. They apply to Penelope as both a victim and a perpetrator, but I don't think that is something Penelope is exceptionally ignorant to (see: Alice Cooper.)

I originally wanted an extreme close-up of baroque applique detailing as homage to her fashion sense (baroque, Victorian, the occasional military and circus reference.) I have no real reason for nixing this, but it was one of the first images I knew I wanted.

The reason I went with Penelope for my first mood board was: I got an ask requesting a mood board, but didn't want to decide who its subject would be. I went into the Riverdale chat and said "name a character." The first response was @serialkillerbettycooper saying Penelope. One of the intriguing early replies was Caramel the Cat, which I am high key considering.

The end! I will come back with Jughead commentary next time. If you've made it this far, I am seriously impressed and love you very much. Also, I didn't proofread this, so if you see errors/repetition... no you don't, actually!

[godsnameisjoy]

190

Date: 16 March 2025

Duration: 63 minutes at 10:43 PM

Depth:

I can sense that my years old mental habit of guessing duration while closing a meditation session is about to leave. The habit is useless. It is highly useless in the present phase of my decades long meditation practice.

In the present phase, I am regularly meditating at a depth of mind where one can’t find even traces of the concept of time. I am probably meditating a little bit beyond the first layer of the deep sleeping mind.

I wasn’t expecting to have covered more than an hour of meditation. I wasn’t expecting it at all. All I did through most of those 63 minutes was follow the sound. With a certain degree of regularity, the singular and clear sound struck at the centre of my head.

From Swami Sri Yukteswar’s book The Holy Science (1894), I have the perfect term for the sound heard due to withdrawn sense of hearing: ‘peculiar “knocking” sound’.

For the nth time I read up the Wikipedia pages for steps 6 and 7 of Sage Patanjali’s 8 limbed instruction for Raja Yoga. The difference between Dharana (step 6) and Dhyana (step 7) is covered in the Wikipedia page for Dharana. It says that Dharana is when “the mind thinks about one object and avoids other thoughts; awareness of the object is still interrupted.”

If there was just enough length of time between any two ‘peculiar “knocking” sounds’, my attention would by default slip to the level of mind where mental imagery floats peacefully.

I am looking forward to Dhyana (step 7). However, I must have infinite patience with my attention’s shyness towards the training it is receiving from the stream of spine shaking life energy.

[moonlitrogue]

Hello~ I am a new follower and just saw that ur tarot readings are open so I would like to request one🌹 A song I am currently thinking of rn is Heya by Ive🎶

Q: Is there anyone who will be genuine with me in terms of love in 2025? Like will anyone genuine approach me and really like me for me and not for shallow reasons like because of my body?

Its just all my life I feel like the ppl(esp guys) who have interest in me or have eyes on me has always sexualized my body and want me for my body only and nothing more and I am so tired of it. I am tired of being seen as nth more than a piece of meat to them even tho I don't act like one and even act cold towards men. Like it just feels so insulting to be only wanted this way when I've never even made myself available for hookups or stuffs like that for them and when it's clear that I am not into that and don't give myself easily to those lusty ass men. So can u tell me if there is anyone who will be genuine in my lovelife in 2025? I am Bi btw so u can also tell me if the person will be a woman like me too. Thank you. My initial is am.

Hey! Welcome to my blog. And thank you for sharing your experience. It's a heavy burden to carry, to be sexualized and not be seen+loved for who you are. Let me see what's in store for you in the coming weeks. 💗

💫 Potential for Genuine Love Connection 💫

5 of Wands, VIII Strength, XI Justice, IX The Hermit

Spirit doesn't hint to any immediate connection in your life. You're on a journey and it's essential to follow the process, is what I'm getting. There's need for inner work and laying solid foundations before genuine love connections manifest in your life. Spirit is calling for discipline and structure in your own life, to be familiar with your own heart. Being solo for a while can benefit you. Presently, you're holding the scales and you settle only for what's real and what's right for you. Levelling up your own vibe, and holding the lantern out to find your own path before expecting another to join it, could magnify and attract whoever's meant for you.

💘 Romance Angels Oracle says

🦋 RETREAT 🦋

It's time to disconnect from the world

Don't be disheartened by the oracle message. It's only for the time being 💗 I pray you find the connection you're looking for, sweet soul. Don't lose hope for there are wonderful people out there. You're meant to be loved and for now, spirit advises to turn that love inwards. I wish you the very best 💗

[benefits1986]

Anhedonia Anonymous

After addiction and adrenaline, will losing anhedonia be in my 2024 reliving win?

Several times the past months, I've been asked straight up and subtly about my head space as well as my darkest thought --unliving. Honestly, while I deflect them as I dress to the nines, this time around my unlikely friend Matthew is with me in spirit. It's not easy to be asked questions I do not want to answer, however, sabi nga ni Dumbledore, ask for help. Always. It's not easy to ask for help especially when I've been fighting a good fight as an undetected lone wolf who is learning more and more about addiction and adrenaline. Pleasure and pain are the same in my book. Pleasure and pain have the same high for me. Pleasure and pain have the same crash after the high for me. Winning and losing are the same for me, too. Validation and invalidation do not matter to me.

UGH. Ang aga-aga, girl. Eto ka na naman.

This Q4 2023, I find myself cornered with my back against the cold, hard wall in as far as CTRL + ALT + DEL feelings of pain and pleasure are concerned. I really didn't expect this to come like a hard punch in my ego and my hidden dark heart, because anhedonia is my cup of matcha and my goblet of sangria.

While laughing out loud makes my tummy and core gassy, I now indulge in it like deep, dark chocolate that I rarely come across with. While crying is nowhere near my to-do list because I feel like I'm being overexposed, I am left with no choice but to give it a go. Kahit sobrang pigil talaga, wala e. Sagad levels is realzzz.

It's not easy to name anhedonia, after 11 years of asking question as I try to answer questions, too; here we are in this very flawed, and very real world.

Yesterday was very, very, very curious. We had a session that involves revealing our talents based on a well-grounded study and theory. Though tanong ko pa rin: who is behind the father of this test? Anong trauma niya? Anong biases niya? Anong intent niya why and why not? LOL. Kabog ang zodiac, Enneagram, MBTI at iba pang personality quizzes. SIDE NOTE: I was perplexed. I was looking at the results back in summer and curious what's next? Anong areas for improvement para derecho lang. LOL. Turns out, focus sa talents instead of tweaking the demerits and detentions. :D Triggered ng nanay kong gusto perfect lahat 'to, pero ready na tayo sa mature roles.

I was actually about to back out and flake fashionably. LOLOLLOLLOLL. Sabi ko nga sa driver ko, balik na lang kami sa bahay kasi ayoko talaga ng ganito.

Ad hoc, game. Mabigatang meetings na malala, game. Walang habas na revisions, game. He laughed and told me that puwede namang umuwi kaso not so traffic punta BGC and sayang din bayad ko. Hindi raw sulit. LOLOLOLLOLL.

I kept my walls up even when I know I'm up to speed in terms of recovering and learning more about my reclaimed area. :D I am truly wondering why this session had to happen right now, however, I guess, it's bound to happen, anyway. Holiday break is coming and 2024 is peeping more and more.

Ginusto ko ng slow growth season that I can't unsee. Eto o. INAMO. Salagin mo ngayon 'yan kung kaya mo. Hahahahahahahaha. That's how I actually felt as I was in this session.

Actually, when I was tasked to answer this test, ayoko talaga. As in. UGH. Pero sige, compliance. Okayyyyy. When I saw the results, DAMN. Hahahahahaha. CTRL + ALT + DEL after I read them. Hassle kasi ng mga tanong. Simple but sapul. :( Walang kawala levels 10000000000000 to the nth power. UGH.

I thought the seating arrangement was random but very curious. Me: Yas. Seatmate ko and session buddy don't vibe. By don't vibe meaning, casual hi and hello lang kami for the longest time. LOL. Turns out, we aligned about our past projects, our first encounter back in team building, our current tasks and syempre, the life outside work and 2024 goals. LOL. Alam ko madaldal siya 'pag lasing pero, the convo we had is really one for the books. We actually vibe pala and madaldal pala siya kahit hindi lasing. As I told that person: Oh, so you're the OG unbothered pala after all. Not bad. Not bad at all. We're aligned pala through it all. Hindi mo man lang sinabi and I didn't bother to bother you because, I don't want to. LOLOLOLLL.

Later that day, as I was feeling the crash of the session, an earthquake came. Chill lang at first, but, damn. When I heard the alarms go off, I froze. I was caught in between sneaking to hide somewhere in the office. Hahahahahaha. Eto na ba ang the Big One? Ready na ako. HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.

I actually took all the time in the world to pack my things because I have a luggage. I asked my officemates to stay together and sabi ko susunod ako. LOL. Una na sila. Girl, saltik levels 100000000 na naman. I looked around and decided to go all the way down the flight of endless stairs.

As I was going down the stairs, a kind stranger intruded my space. Literal na kinuha lang niya respectfully 'yung luggage ko. I told him I was totally fine. He said, he's got it. HAHAHAHAHHA. Sobrang kawawa ba talaga ng itchura ko that time? LELS. Mukha pa naman siyang boss ng legit brand sa ibang floor. Nastress ako to be honest, pero wala e. I looked closely kung kaya ba nga niya, pero seems like kaya nga niya. Ako hindi. Hahahahahahaha. I noticed that he is following my slowwwww pace kasi the alarms and lights are overstimulating me. UGH.

Fucking tall buildings talaga. FUCK. SIDE NOTE: Tall buildings like office buildings and condos are never in my book. :D Reason is because it's not sustainable even when it's the best thing the market has to offer. I know things because I used to co-design content for a popular condo living brand. :D We slayed it then and market share-wise, we do way better than the feeling market leaders. LOL. It's not meant for children, people with short legs, pregnant women, disabled, injured, aged and pets like Vici, Vidi and KD.

He waited for me to reach the exit and I thanked him and asked for his name. He smiled and said: NO NEED. IT'S OKAY. I shook his hand and thanked him. May bow pa kasi kahihiyan levels 10000000. I squinted at his ID pero it's fucking blurry though I saw his company name naman.

Thank you, stranger. May the universe bless you to the fullest. Sorry talaga sobrang bigat ng luggage kong kaya ng 20kg. Hahahahaha. Mag-train na nga ulit ako ng core ko para mas handa tayo sa mga sakuna, literally and figuratively.

I asked my ever reliable driver to pick me up because for sure, booking a Grab is a fucking shit show in this parasite in Manila. LOL. He told me that it would take him less than an hour to arrive. Later, he told me that traffic is crazier and that he might arrive way off the original ETA.

I asked my office buddy if we can vape and get 1 bott. Sumama naman my other officemates. LOL. Actually, kahit 'di pa sila sumama, I'd hole up and vape and drink because this day is fucked up to the nines. I just need to sedate myself a bit. Overstimulated po tayo AF so, eto na. Our officemate treated us and had a good round of convos. Buti, super small group kami kasi ayoko talaga ng big groups. Parang lang.

I got home past 9 and dad greeted me. LUH. Hahahaha. Dapat iinom ako ulit e kaso dad does not like seeing me down drinks. Okay lang sa kanya 'pag 'di ako nakikitang umiinom, to be honest. He asked me if he can bring me to the office and wait for me to go home. AYOKO. Hahahahahahahaha. Bigyan ko raw siya ng chance. AYOKO NGA KASI. Sama pa raw siya sa holiday party. LOL. Sabi ko, all nighter 'yun so 'wag na rin. LOLOLLOLL. Can't wait for the long weekend. Will down important stuff. Try to bike and spend more time with zee doggo babes. Ako naman. Also, dapat na magpa-knee rehab doc compliance visits tatay ko. Kung 'di pitpitin ko ng pinong-pino bikes niya. LOL.

[pazodetrasalba]

Amator

Dear Caroline:

I gotta say, the part of your blog I generally find the least interesting are your Taylorian Hermeneutics. I'd guess what is going on here is the inverse of what was happening with the main character in Worth the Candle: besides whatever appeal the raw music might have, you can easily project and fantasize yourself in Taylor Swift's shoes as the incredibly successful, attractive but emotionally tormented young girlboss, which is something I cannot.

Be that as it may, I still value these posts for what they can tell me of your thoughts and feelings, and for the possibility of expanding my cultural horizons to cultural manifestation I wouldn't otherwise have engaged in. And after writing this piece, I'll be going to youtube or somewhere else where I can listen to the whole of Lover.

From what you say, Taylor Swift was hitting a sweet spot of happiness and success when this album came out (I don't actually follow her, but from tidbits and scraps of information I've seen, it seems she is even more on the top of the world right now), and yet it is interesting to see that was not a tune that was dear to your Swiftian heart. I might be projecting too much, but it feels like you're projecting, as a then not yet that close to 30-year old with a passionate but tormented love life in burning red. And I am pretty sure that when you say that 'Maybe if you’re still doing that when you’re 30, it’s just sad', you were also struggling, beyond your emotional ghosts, with a dream of love and stability, of being into wine and real estate and engagement rings while chasing after a person who is case study of an Avoidant type to the nth degree.

I didn't enjoy much romantic love and passion in my youth, and suspect you might have been the same. This always leaves a bitter feeling of unfairness in the mouth and a desire to drink the cup to the dregs when the chance finally arrives. On the other hand, there is a reason why fiction's great love stories end in death: the fires can only burn so much before either they die away of mellow into a softer light of long-term commitment and domesticity, which are better for our physical and mental health, but definitely boring from a reader's perspective, as happiness always is.

Quote:

I've loved you three summers now, honey, but I want 'em all

Taylor Swift

[jznandrea]

Sept. 21, 2023

Okay, I know I said a while ago that I will just stop romanticizing about men who do not care about me but..

This day was such a.. I can't even think of a word to describe it but it was sooo UGH.

First off, my dream was about him. It was about the things I am thinking of since last Friday. In that dream we were together and it was so clear that the guy was HIM.

So yeah it can happen, right? I just shrugged it off and what I mean by that is I left home at 11:45 am. The exact time when I met him at the train.

I even tried to find him..I'm so embarrassing yeah I know. I didn't even see him but I think God has his own ways of fucking up with me and my delusional mind. (And again, nadistract nanaman ako kasi bigla siyang pumasok kung saan ako nag iistay ngayon.. and YES nasa school ako!!!!!!)

I got distracted but I'm okay now. I'm writing about a guy that are about 10 meters away from me and he looks so good in that damn glasses.

So yeah, going back, I knew already that I won't see him on the train and I just went with my way. I got on the jeep not thinking about it until he went inside and sat across me. YES YOU READ IT RIGHT. He was there right in front of me and there I go again, back with my usual assuming self (CHINAT NYA KO WHILE WRITING THIS).

Never mind nagtanong lang siya paano makaconnect sa WIFI ng lib. Potangina.

I think God is really fucking with me right now because I'm writing about this to get him off my mind and yet here he is, distracting me for the nth time this week.

So yeah, it was straight out of wattpad kind of moment and I was stunned. I really thought that I was a mastermind because I just change my usual time para umalis because I wanted to see him and it was a success.

But then again, it's just coincidence. We are going on the same school with the same mode of transportation so it's just normal na makakasabay ko siya. And I shouldn't think too much into it. After all, I'm just here to finish my degree and I should be studying.

I'm really hating myself these days. I keep on thinking about how other people would see me. I keep on wondering if they like me or not. I keep on thinking if they think I'm cool. When in fact, that shouldn't matter. I should be unbothered and live with my own shit. I should just study like everybody else. I kept thinking that in this whole ass school ako lang ata ang clout chaser, assumera, feelingera and all. But to be fair, I do think I am the prettiest here thank God.

But yeah, as of that guy, I really think I like him because he does not care about me. I also think that he did not find me pretty at all because he kept talking about all the other pretty girls with me. He hurts my pride so much that's why I like him.

And he's not good looking at all. I think I like that fact because at least in terms of the physical appearance, I am better. Yep, I am still insecure. No matter who you are.

But an ugly guy likes me, but he makes my skin crawl. It's cringe, embarrassing and suffocating. He's friends with Marc too. So sorry if I like your friend more.

P.S. I'm writing this in school, using their wifi.

[jetkast]

I definitely am nodding quickly to all of the above (and did when I first read this when you posted, but didn't add because all I had were nods, heh). Now as I'm rewatching S1 we don't need to think about how it's the nth time shhh, I had the thought that the side eye could have also been related to how this conversation and these promises should have come before. Even in this, I don't blame Viktor for not waiting on Jayce to do more, hearing him say "I'm going to leave the council", instead of "I have left the council" or even "Fuck the council" must have brought about a sense of resignation. In S01E05, after Jayce hooks up with Mel while Viktor is bleeding out for the hexcore (l o l), Jayce had the future laid out in front of him if he had been able to snap out of his avoidance and see it. I wish they gave us more of the conversation Jayce and Viktor had in the hospital after Viktor asks how much time he has because I wonder how it would have paralleled this one. In both, Jayce feels immensely guilty. In both, he's trying to figure out his choices, their consequences, and what's important. Also in both, Viktor reaches a new level of "fuck it" and goes all in with only a slight cursory hesitation. Jayce chooses safety and the institutions -- he has a belief that they will help him create the future he wants. Viktor absolutely does not, and does not have the luxury of time to find out.

The unfortunate truth for them is that Jayce doesn't snap out of this pattern when Viktor is in the hospital, when much of this could have been turned around, or at least rerouted. And he doesn't completely snap out of it when Viktor dies. I see him actually doubling down in a sort of extinction burst of all of it in this scene, and then the rest of s2 through the pit up until their final scenes is him not just snapping out of it, but coming to terms fully with death, the nihility and joy of life, and how everything between birth and death is both painful beyond belief and devastatingly beautiful. Viktor is all of that, and then he finds in Jayce the kind of eternal and unconditional care and admiration that is a key part of humanity. One that can't be evolved, measured, or contained. Only Jayce can show him that.

UGH I CAN'T THEY MAKE ME SO SICK THEY'RE SO COSMICALLY INTERTWINED WHILE ALSO HUMAN AF *heavy breathing*

Listen I know there have been approximately a billion posts about the Divorce but I had to add to the noise.

This conversation really is such a succinct breakup with so much to it. Jayce finally has his moment to say something to Viktor after not knowing if he may ever get the chance at all, only for it all to come out scrambled. I just know he was punching the air at 3am redoing this conversation over and over.

Meanwhile Viktor was acclimating to the sheer body horror of being alive after dying, his own form nearly completely unknown to him, with this "recursive charge" thrumming in his skull that drives him to the most destitute part of the city.

Jayce (ready to beg like his life depends on it): I have royally fucked up and I will be seeking atonement forever for it, please please please love me, don't leave, guilt guilt guilt I'll die from guilt and failure right here on the floor

And my favorite part: 👹 where are you going 👹

I have been obsessed with the delivery of this line because it is exactly the phrase and tone used towards someone you are painfully intimate with and experiencing a rupture (aka divorcing). The panic of 'I cannot let you leave' with 'I'll die' and 'you're not allowed' while also so emotional that all that comes out is a sad anger. Like I can't even capture it. It's about the ownership or entitlement. It's not just "why are you exiting this conversation, that's rude and this is important" but something darker and more pathetic. I DON'T KNOW I JUST RECOGNIZE IT and wanted to ramble about it. Perhaps oddly, it is actually this line (juxtaposed with "it was affection", I'm suffering so much) that locked in them as already being intimately involved for me, beyond friends or lab mates.

These two are just on two entirely different planes of existence in this scene and it's so LAYERED AND UUHHGGFJH this show is going to drive me into my own recursive whateverthefuck.

Jayce is flooding with too much everything, love, fear, desperation, anger, hope, dread, etc, and looking for someone to hold it with him. And Viktor is a husk. And yet, they miss each other, not balancing one another, because they might as well be talking to each other through the looking glass. IT'S JUUUUST AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH lmao

[allmathtricks]

Arithmetic Progression Formulas for find nth term, sum to first nth term...

[hwanchaesong]

Hi, it's me again HIHI 😁😁 This is my second request, the song is Dar+ling by SEVENTEEN and the member is Yunho again hehet 😁 I want it to be fluffy btw. Tysm ^^

a/n: hiii~ oh thank god someone requested darling, i have been dying to do a prompt with that song. oh and tysm for requesting again 💚💚

👤: ATEEZ Jeong Yunho

📼: Darl+ing - SEVENTEEN

genre & warnings: fluff, angst if you squint, mentions of alcohol, slight cursing

word count: 750

for anyone who wants to, don't be shy and send me asks based on Prompts Request Song Version. Thank you so much!

Yunho looked at his phone again for the nth time that night, when he saw that he didn't receive any messages or calls from you, he let out a loud sigh.

His friend Mingi definitely noticed that, he looked at him with a judging look at his face.

"What?" Yunho asked, raising an eyebrow and drinking from his glass of tequila.

"Don't what me, idiot." his friend quipped back, amusement lacing his voice despite the insult he just threw.

Mingi let out a small laugh when Yunho glared at him, looks like he really has to spell shit out for him, "Instead of sulking like a child, go to her man. It's not that hard."

Upon the suggestion, Yunho couldn't help but grit his teeth, is he willing to put his pride aside if it meant that your relationship with him would be fixed?

Hell yes.

He suddenly stood up, rushing towards the door and sprinting towards your house like an athlete who needs to win the marathon.

Mingi was left alone in the living room of their apartment, "Well, at least his brain cells are still working."

You were about to fall asleep, but alas, you were not given the chance to do that when someone started banging on your windows, startling you to death.

You were legit gonna call the police if not for the familiar voice that yelled your name out.

"What the fuck?" you went to your window and slid the curtains, Yunho's desperate face greeting you.

"Yunho! What on earth? Stop shouting you'll wake the neighbors up!"

"I don't care! Now come with me!"

You let out a yelp when he forcefully pulled you out of the window himself, and when you're finally outside, he did not allow you to take a breather. Dragging you with him until the two of you reached a deserted area in the beach.

You thought that he's gonna murder you if he brought you here, but you were shocked when he bowed in a 90° angle in front of you.

"I'm so sorry!"

Where is this leading to?

"I am a fool, braindead human being for telling you that you're clingy. I take that all back, you're not clingy and you give me the space and time that I need, that is why I want you to just please, forgive me because I..."

He momentarily stopped, getting embarrassed by his next choice of words.

"I miss your head pats and small pecks on my cheeks."

He finished, his voice getting smaller by the second and you smiled a bit, finding him adorable.

You walked towards him, gently cupping his face and raising his head, giving him a light smooch on his nose, "You truly are a fool."

No more explaining is needed on your side, you felt his sincerity during his tiny speech. If you're going to be honest, you're just waiting for him to admit that he made a mistake.

"Oh thank god." Yunho sighed in relief, his own hand enveloping yours before pulling you in for a tight hug.

He really doesn't know what he'll do if he wakes up by tomorrow and he still doesn't have you by his side.

He feels so alone when you're not there, he yearns for your warmth so much.

You both stayed there by the shore until the sun started to shine its light to the world. Promising to each other to practice communication a bit better.

Whatever problems arise, you'll be able to get through it just fine.

Under the bright, calming rise of the closest star on earth, Yunho came to terms that he'll never be able to find someone like you ever again.

Like the waves that crash into the sand, Yunho experimentally dipped his foot into your ocean of love. He did not know what happened after that, all he remembers is that he wanted to dive deeper into you.

There is nothing in this galaxy that can make Yunho change his mind on how he sees you and you feel the same sentiments as well.

He needs you, you need him.

And as he stared at your gorgeous face, he knew that there is no other girl in the world that he wanted to treat better, the best even.

"Y/N."

You turned your face to focus your attention on him, what took you by surprise is when he collided his lips with yours.

Yeah, you definitely wanted to spend an entire lifetime with this man.

[akitothemightydorito]

YES HELLO INFODUMP PLS AND THANK U I wish to know about reader design, and designs in general, and also all the other characters (very curious about u mentioning Gregory - how is the chaos gremlin gonna show up, I need to know)

Info dump pt.1

YESS FINALLY!!! I GET TO INFO DUMP RAHHHH!!!!

So I did mention that Gregory would be introduced and we do in fact have an early concept of him when the prologue and other chapters were fleshed out (by the way art isn’t mine!! It’s my co-writers !!)

Here are two drawings of him! The one of the left is one “before he was trapped on island” and “After a while he was on the island” 2 years before reader to be exact which doesn’t really show much other than he’s a sneaky little bugger when reader encounters him. And oh boy is he a nuisance! Before the main plot begins Gregory was stranded after Eclipse attacked the ship he was on that he sneaked on to get away from the orphanage he lived in and pretty much was caught in the unfortunate event of Eclipse taking notice.

You could say Gregory was in a similar boat to the reader (I’m funny I swear-) and was saved somehow he survived drowning. Gregory eventually comes across Freddy and long story short he gets adopted by the giant grizzly (I’ll show size comparison soon !!) and becomes the local menace. Like, bro literally now thinks he’s invincible with Freddy by his side!? Mess with Monty and enter his territory? Freddy is there to quickly deescalate the territorial croc and remove Gregory as soon as he gets word, Greg is given a stern talking to for the nth time now. Oh what’s that? Gregory is provoking Roxy and Chica again? DAMMIT GREGORY WE DONT NEED MORE FIGHTS (context: Roxy and Chica aren’t on good terms early on due to competing for the same territory for the open plains)

All in all I think you can guess a few ways Gregory might make a first impression on the reader >:3

Okay moving onto Freddy!! The father bear himself! So I don’t remember all heights of the characters off by heart and the part where I discussed them is waaaaaayyyyyy back in a chat so until I get it I’m gonna try and estimate on what faint memory I have! Freddy is based of a brown grizzly and has a human like figure but mixed in with bear with lots of fur! His lightning marks and stripes have been turned into scars from an old conflict, of what? We don’t know since not even Gregory can pry it out from him….maybe it’s reluctance??

Here is some of the concepts! I’ll show the size difference below separately!! But yeah I hope this helps get an idea of what he’s supposed to look like!! Freddy is also known to keep the peace’s between everyone (and to keep Gregory in check-). He’s a friendly fellow but…he wasn’t always so tame before…never mind!

HABSHEINEBSUW EVERY TIME I SEE THIS I WANNA JUST SQUEEZE WHATEVER IS CLOSET RAHHH-

Freddy is basically the best to give out cuddles and a great napping partner, rivaled by DJ Music man though!

NOW I’m just gonna quickly move onto the MC themselves, Y/n!! OMG I AM SO EXCITED!! as you have probably seen in the prologue of EOTE (eyes of the eclipse. Shorter title) then you know that reader is German in WWII but!! They aren’t exactly one to see eye to eye with the views on Jews and so they vowed to help any Jew they could escape the county and basically be a human smuggler for Jews! The design I showed where reader is in a trench coat actually is what they use to get around, find sources of where Jews are being transported etc. basically just a disguise out of their Dad’s cloths. Reader also worked in a factory like some people did wearing overalls since both men and woman wore them during the mid 1930’s! (Same can also be said for Gregory’s clothes but for the early 30’s)

Headcannon: since Y/n and Gregory are both from Germany and speak both English and German, they like to confuse the others on the island on purpose by suddenly switching languages mid conversation! They also say curses in German either as a reflex or accident if it makes sense

I just find my own little HC funny hehe.

Next up we have Roxy!!! She actually is one character I remember the height for exactly and the reason I can remember Eclipse’s as well lol. She’s actually an astounding 7’3 when on her hind legs. The reason for her very tall height is because she is based off one of these:

RED MAINED WOLVES BABY!!! this also makes sense as to why she’s alone and doesn’t want to have a pack as well as wanting to have the plains for herself as she feels more in her element in taller grass! He legs and paws also have that same gradient of black fur going on as well as her having a puffy mane and fur. I also may or may not have said she is able to run top speed when she runs on all fours thus being a good way to scare reader :p

Like I mentioned she is able to walk and run on all 4’s just like she can on two legs but she prefers going on all 4’s though. Makes her hunts more easier and keep that pesky bird out her DAMMN Territory!! >:/

Only have 1 rough sketch of her so far since reader is yet to encounter Roxy or anyone else haha but here take in the tall maned beauty in all her glory! :D

Her more early concepts. Might have more added to her soon though 👀 (shhh!)

She isn’t one for being all that social and is Gregory’s #2 target whenever he feels like causing issues and risking his life. She also sometimes accidentally stumbles across Chico’s territory a few times which leads to a few scuffles and chase outs between the two so no one’s really surprised, Freddy manages to stop them before things get rough tho!!

Okay I have some juice left to dump about 1 more character before I pass out! ITS DJMM!!!! AHHHH so, so…He is a HUGE Drider that lives in a cave deep in the forest of the island. I have a few sketches but I can’t find them at the moment but in my next info dump I’ll be sure to get them! So basically he gives the vibe a jumping spider would: Harmless and sweet! Which is true when he’s Docile and unthreatened but when that changes he can show off his huge venomous fangs that can paralyze and even be lethal depending on dosage. Did I mention he also has soft fuzz on his boddy but not entirely covering his carapace? No? Oh well yeah he does but that also plays part in his threatening stance! He has the ability to shoot out barbed hairs out just like a tarantula (I physically shivered when I typed that, ugh!) but also be wary for his webs! Not only are his fangs and fluff a problem but also his webs! They have the consistency of a Golden ord weaver: strong and resilient but also soft and silky so if you’re caught, you’re trapped there for good!

Another small detail I wanna mention is the mini Music man’s in the SB game that chase you through the vents have basically become a cluster of mini driders (perhaps some young MM adopted ??) and so he is basically a protective father over all of them so anything coming their way is a threat on sight! You enter the cave without him knowing and your done for pal, game over!! >•<. Also, Also MM doesn’t speak verbally but he does communicate through chirps and other vocal sounds he’s able to make like clicks as well!! (He’s so sweet!!)

Okay that’s part 1 of this info dump done but I got more coming this way!! I got Monty, Chica, Sun, Moon and Eclipse to do next!!

[godsnameisjoy]

ATTENTION! COZINESS AHEAD!

Date: 27 January 2024

Duration: 84 minutes at 12:26 AM of 28 January

Depth:

In the morning after the session, I find myself revisiting (for the nth time) the Wikipedia page on Ashtanga, 8 limbs of Yoga. It is Patanjali’s classification of classical yoga. The 8 limbs are discussed in detail by Paramahansa Yogananda and Swami Vivekananda in their talks and writings. Limbs 6 & 7 are Dharana and Dhyana respectively.

The reason I am looking up those two terms is because the highlight of last night’s meditation is the way my attention felt. It’s a first. My attention has never felt this way before.

My experience of my attention through more than 2 decades of a meditation practice is that it is just like a 2 year old toddler. Long before I began meditating, my attention had learned to move around and now it doesn’t know how to stop.

If the attention is let go of, it can run into directions that are most dangerous for its own wellbeing. If one holds onto one’s attention too hard, it can turn rebellious. Either ways, attention can’t be given to meditation.

In meditation, one has to let go of one’s attention. One has to observe where the attention is going. With the realisation that the attention has gone too far from the mantra given to it, you have to cajole it back to its seat in your mind. Your will power, while dealing with the toddler like attention, has to be gentle and without an ounce of strain.

My attention has behaved this way for more than 2 decades. Every new depth of mind has come as a surprise. How toddlers weep when they see a familiar face without the moustache on it that they are even more familiar with. My attention has consistently shied away from the uncertainties of a new depth.

I can’t remember last night’s meditation. My attention was tucked so deep into my mind, that I can’t remember exactly how the meditation went. There was this one moment that stands out because of how the attention felt.

My attention felt cozily tucked in the depths it was at. Closing the meditation and coming back to regular conscious thoughts felt harsh in comparison. My attention didn’t want to leave the deeply comfortable place it was at. That’s a first.

I effortlessly logged 17 extra minutes to a preset 1 hour, 18 minutes timer. This happened the night before last. And last night, I logged 5 extra minutes to a preset 1 hour 19 minutes. The good news is that I am exceeding the predetermined duration. The not so great news is that I am stopping when my attention loses steam holding ground in the depths it is at.

Here is what I found on the Wikipedia page on limbs 6 and 7 of the 8 limbed classical approach to yoga:

‘Dharana is a state of mind, Dhyana is the process of mind. Dhyana is distinct from Dharana in that the meditator becomes actively engaged with its focus.’