#first nihil now absurd

[mayuurx]

>>Calypso-The Exorcist from Daniel's Absurdism playlist.

Random fact: Absurdism gets along well with almost everyone. Dogma, however is one if not the only exception. Also one of the few that can get Absurdism seriously angry.

Absurdism's stellar dodecahedron head = pissed off, probably.

[arcanarix]

suguru geto from the end of hidden inventory onwards is the definition of letting the voices/intrusive thoughts win because to this day i’m still reeling from how much he lost his mind over his own fucking cursed technique

[lovingjingyuan]

Hi!! I've been reading your first for awhile and I think you're such a great writer and I was wondering if I could request a yandere Sunday/welt/jingyuan/blade where the reader has depression and how they'd handle it? You could add anything you like :) thank you!

Thank you sm for the compliment. I'm so glad someone enjoys my works <333 Tbh I don't find my writing good cuz my English isn't so good for writing ;-; also when i writing this on google docs it was like 7 pages long.

Warning: 2.7K words, A bit affectionate in Jing Yuan and Aventurines part, manipulation, abuse of power, gaslighting, emotional abuse,

Info at bottom

Pairing: (Yandere) Sunday, Welt, Jing Yuan, Blade, Aventurine x Reader

Sunday Sunday wouldn't be able to handle it well, but instead, he would unintentionally cause further damage to your mental state. It’s elusive getting you to cooperate with his subjectives. He couldn’t quite bring himself to understand why you aimlessly slumber like this, showing little to no affection and he deluges you with this subjective perfect life. You were in a gilded cage ornate into a display of artwork, but to Sunday you’ll always be that vulnerable bird, needing guidance and protection. He couldn’t grasp the idea of why you still yearn for freedom when he can provide you with everything you desire.

You reminded Sunday of the time when he and his sister Robin once took a weak bird under their wing. The bird is like you; too weak and vulnerable for this cruel reality. Yet, his subjective never appealed to your line of reasoning. To you, people are meant to make their own choices and yearn for the touch of freedom. But to him the weak must be helped and preserved by the strong and by that you’re weak. 

Instead of offering you normal support and seeking treatment for you he would isolate you further, making watch of your every movement and ensuring you’re always in his presence every second. 

To Sunday he couldn’t just let you go now, not after all his sacrifices and efforts to hold you captive in his presence. He started to lie and twisted his thoughts into believing that this is the only path to achieve mutual happiness and to ensure your safety. Yet, it further broke him even though you refuse to make and remain apathetic with him. Your constant depression and lack of motivation left him feeling adrift. You rarely are able to take care of yourself anymore leaving him completely lost.

All he can hope is for you to develop Stockholm syndrome. He prays that your depression and lack of happiness will lead you to believe he’s the only one who can mend the wounds on your heart, filling any empty void. 

“Please stop lying on the bed. You’ve been there all day. You know that’s far from healthy and will only worsen your state,” he silently pleaded with you hoping by any miracle you would follow through. This constant isolation he put you through has been driving both you and him mad. But in the end, you lost all light in you. No longer able to plead with him any further for salvation.  

You can just simply close your eyes falling further back into nihility. 

“Please, my dear, you can't keep doing this to me… to yourself-”

‘I’m fine, ' you snapped. How his heart ached at your indifference.

“No, you’re not okay. Your behavior is absolutely absurd!” he remained unfalter on the edge of the bed next to you. Sunday’s mind ran blink on ways to save you from deluging any further in depression. He could release you, but he’s scared the moment he does. You would leave him forever like the bird he and his sister raised.

He leaned in, brushing your hair aside to plant a gentle kiss on your forehead. He will continue to keep you here with him indefinitely, trying to keep his own sanity intact as well as yours. He only remains resolute to keep you here with him, refusing to open his eyes and acknowledge his wrongdoings.

“It’s not a sin. I’m doing this for the greater good.”

I believe Yandere Sunday is just manipulative in wanting to keep you, he’s no sadist but I also believe he cares a whole lot about his public image which is now RUINED! Sunday would be a good lover if you comply or not obsessed over you. Sunday would be the type to say, "Oh my days." :)

Welt During his lifetime Welt had witnessed a lot and many tragedies. Despite his knowledge and understanding of the consequences of his actions, he couldn’t suppress his urges when it came to you. Welt always made sure to keep a watchful eye over you, safeguarding you from any troubles. He would usually spend a lot of his time watching over you and observing any anomalous behavior from you. 

One sudden day he started noticing you developing odd behaviors and your daily schedule becoming a trouble. You also started to develop a habit of dissociating away from your peers, he was no exception. This unusual behavior disturbs him because it meant he can’t keep a close eye on you. 

Now I feel how he’ll handle this can go two ways: He seeks immediate professional help for you OR tries to handle this situation himself. The reason why Welt would try to handle this situation himself is to prevent you from becoming self-aware. To Welt, becoming self-aware poses a challenge to him as you’re more aware and knowledgeable of your surroundings and who is around you. He would do everything in his power to leave you clueless and thoughtless towards your surroundings so you don’t become aware of any manipulation he inflicted on you in the past.

Manipulation such as convincing you to stay with the Astral Express by his side 24/7. Welt truly cares about you and needs to see you heal. To him you’re the light in the room full of darkness in his heart. Every time you smile, laugh even when you’re clumsy or mess up he can’t help but smile, feeling relaxed near your presence. Even if you're not the brightest person you still light and warm up his heart. 

“Are you alright?” he asks, raising a brow as the bottom of his cane taps the floor behind you. Deep down he knows the answer and urges you to tell him the truth, finding comfort in his presence like he does in yours. 

“I’m alright,” you intensity waiver him away.

Unfazed by your response, he persisted, “You really don’t need to pretend, around me.”

If you do manage to admit and confess your feelings he would categorize it as depression. Welt will immediately try and cheer you up, letting March, Dang Heng and Stelle; his trusted companions around you. He will try every day to lift your spirits even letting you choose where to go for the next trailblazing expeditions. 

Welt attempts to educate himself more on the topic of depression, so he can create a safe environment for you. Although he might not exactly provide professional help he will solve it ethically.

Lol I can't see Welt keeping you captive. He would probably pressure you or convince you to join the Astral Express so he can keep a close eye on you. He's very careful when being possessive over you. Himeko and Dan Heng can catch on quickly so he would try to make you fall in love with him.

Jing Yuan Jing Yuan, a high achieving General, a man who no one can hate personally, aged over 600 years and has experience of yearning over the dead and betrayals. As he watched you drift into the endless abyss of sadness he could not help but share in your sorrow. All he truly wanted for you was your happiness and safety, including your undying love and attention. 

Yet this draining illness simply wouldn’t allow that for you. Jing Yuan is a man who is willing to go to extreme lengths in pursuit of your happiness which only he should be the one serving. Yet under one condition, he’s willing to do things that go against your happiness just so he can satisfy his impulsive desires. 

“I love you so so much. Please don’t be sad,” he murmured softly into your eyes, biting down gently on the top of your ears, which sent shivers down your body in a sensual way. He twirls the end of your hair with his fingers holding you against his embrace.

You continue to stare out into the distance, while his fingers play with the ends of your hair.

“If there’s anything you must need…. Please,” he implored in your ears from behind. The warm breath on your neck, “Tell me. I care about you and you know that.” his arms wrap around your waist telling you you’re all for him alone, all while he nuzzles his head against your shoulders. His white fluffy strands of hair tickle up against your cheekbone. 

If you ever found yourself in his custody and requested freedom, he would by all means exploit rapid, white little lies. 

"Recently, there have been reports of numerous mara-struck soldiers on the loose. 36 tragedies have resulted from these mara strikes," he warns, emphasizing the fake danger outside. "Luofu might need to go into lockdown, so it's safest for you to stay here with me."

He soon begins to take into account your condition growing rapidly worse. Your depression started to overtake your everyday life. That’s when he knew this was severe. Although sometimes delusional, he does take into account his mistakes. 

“I arranged us a date, a vacation even! It’s been many years since I left Luofu for anything other than urgent matters.”

You smiled and nodded profusely in agreement. This smile and small action deluges his heart with warm sweet love <3 How his heart jumps and flutters like a butterfly because of you. If you don’t get any better he will hire and get you an appointment with the best psychologist. 

Jing Yuan just wants the best for you wholeheartedly and truly. If he does kidnap and detain you, it’s because of his impulsive actions to keep you for himself. There will be no other 4th betrayal or the 4th person to pay the price. 

Blade Blade’s cold demeanor and sharp eyes were enough to sway anyone away; he never believed himself capable of love or being a good partner in general. Some people in this cosmos were simply not cut out to be in a relationship, or so he believed since his journey began with the thought of death lingering in his mind. 

Yingxing would have been a more suitable man in a relationship, but Blade? He doubts on the idea of love and interest. Yet, when he laid eyes on you he couldn’t ignore the strange stinging of an electric sensation in his heart. He wanted to delve deeper into this unusual sensation he was feeling. Although he knew he could never truly reveal himself.

Who wouldn’t recognize a man whose bounty is worth 8.13 billion credits? At least he has a good credit score unlike me (╥﹏╥) Blade slowly started by stalking you, falling deeper into the spiral of love and obsession. He knew with his records you could never reciprocate his feelings.

He restored to drastic measures, keeping you in his custody. It’s difficult to say he’ll treat you top-notch. Being under his care seemed more like a physiological experiment. Providing you with basic needs while expecting obedience, as if conducting an experiment. 

Blade never once will lay a hand on you, raise his voice at you, only expressing annoyance through small grunts and groans. However, the isolation drove you quickly to the brink of insanity. Every day, waking up to a meal, lack of interaction; he would simply stare down at you as you chew on the food he provided. You even lack social interaction with your kidnapper. The daily routine went on, like a trap in an asylum. 

His cold gaze lingered on you, studying your every move, all while silently making mental notes of your behavior. If you did fall into depression he wouldn’t recognize it immediately, attributing it to your natural state or how you express disappointment.

Every tear shed or harsh remark towards him is met with silent observation, perceiving it as a natural reaction. Only when severe signs startsd occurring; refusing to eat or neglecting basic hygiene, did Blade acknowledge something was amiss.

He attempts to coax you with better-tasting meals, even dessert. If you die from starvation how else will he get the same sensation he feels when around you? This strange sensation in his heart is much more desirable than death.

“Eat it, you mustn’t starve yourself,” he says nonchalantly, placing a bowl of Mapo Tofu and a small portion of rice before you.

“Just leave me alone.”

“Eat it.”

“No.”

Blade shot you a deadly glare, his intimidation palpable, urging you to reluctantly pick up the chopstick. Blade’s method or strange way of love worsens your condition. I think with Blade you probably wouldn’t relieve yourself from the chains of depression. Yet I also do believe Blade will try to understand your mental state yet fail.

If Blade were to love; he would start by, placing a hand on your shoulders and gently massaging your shoulder blade as you ate. The thought of Blade saying “I love You,” seems inconceivable, but he’d probably say it underneath his breath.

“Do now dwell in longingness for too long,” he muttered against your ears, perhaps the most motivational phrase he said to you since the decline in your mental state began. Although he won’t admit upfront he loves and feels affection toward you, his demeanor is more relaxed around you and his sharp intense eyes soften at your presence. 

How to help a depressed person 101: The reader is Blade trying to figure out what’s causing you this and how to help you. 

Aventurine From the moment Aventurine first laid eyes on you, he knew exactly what he wanted for the rest of his life. He had always felt most alive when gambling at high stakes, but being near you brought a sensation even more profound; a mix of obsession and love washed over him. 

When you begin to struggle with depression, Aventurine tries everything to lift up your spirits by lavishing you with extravagant gifts, hoping they would bring you happiness. Yet the joy was only ephemeral and wasn’t what he truly desired. What he craved was not only your happiness but also your love and affection.

He couldn’t bring it into words but, your presence was like an addictive drug he constantly craved for. His dopamine goes crazy near you, almost exploding his brain. There was something about you that he yearned to possess and preserve for himself.

“Sweetheart, I brought you this exclusive necklace,” he announced from behind, presenting the box to you.

Your face lights up only momentarily at each lavish gift presented to you, but as gifts keep coming, their extravagance holds little value. Aventurine could only find himself lost. What could he do now since he can’t seem to please you any further with his riches?

To him, his identity revolves around his wealth and luck, without the appeal towards money, he feared that he held no more value in your life. He wished you found solace in him as he did towards you.

“Is something the matter?” he asked anxiously, feeling you slip away further despite all his efforts. You’re his safe haven but he can’t fathom why he’s not your after all of his efforts. 

“I’m fine,” a transparent white lie escapes your lips.

“That’s a blatant lie,” he frowned, wrapping his right arm around your waist and pulling you in closer to him while on the bed. “Please, tell me the truth. I’ll buy you anything you want,” he continues coaxing you with the power of money.

“I’m okay,” you continue to refuse despite his effort.

Aventurine hesitates to pressure you any further, fearing that you’ll start to withdraw from him completely. He would insist, forcing you into therapy, though each session came with a price because nothing in this universe is free.

With Aventurine’s dirty money he coaxes the therapist to make every session involve him in some way while actually helping you. With the power of money, the therapist starts to manipulate you into seeking comfort, and attention from Aventurine. Every session ended with something about Aventurine, so he can linger in your thoughts.

Slowly, you began to heal, finding yourself drawn to Aventurine's presence. He welcomed this, craving pleasure since he- himself is constantly drawn to you every second.

"How are you feeling?" he asked gently, his arm draped around you as you both lounged on plush casino's cushion.

"Better," you replied softly.

He smiled at your response, knowing it was what he wanted to hear. Finally, he was becoming your safe place, just as he had always hoped.

His hand gently massaged your back, drawing you closer until your lips were almost touching.

"Is that so?" he grinned, closing the gap with a tender kiss, savoring the sweetness of the moment. As he pulled back, staring at your bashfulness, he brushed your hair behind your ear and whispered, "If I win this, I'll buy you everything you desire."

P.S: I'm going to sleep after this but idk much about Welt despite playing hi3 since near release date. I also like keep character in character but Yandere or any NSFW +18 works are probably gonna be ooc.

Sorry this took so long I'm Trying to get my life back together :(

Mental Health

I take mental health seriously since I’m studying to become an expert in the medical field for mental health! If you’re ever in need of help please ask a trusted adult or seek help right away before it becomes worse! Just know mental health doesn’t make you a bad person but rather you’re suffering and depression is also an illness. Everyone is allowed treatment no matter what.

[aoxizu]

i have another 2.1 character dynamic post in the recesses of my brain but i need to get this out first

star rail's 2.1 update main plotline leans a lot more into existentialism and absurdism than i thought it would which is a really nice surprise

like i thought before 2.0 that at most it was just going to be some "oh no capitalism bad ipc bad cults also bad" thing but honestly what we got is so much more interesting. the spoilers start now

also massive disclaimer i am not a philosophist and actually i really don't like philosophy because it makes my brain hurt and i would much rather just look at logical nice things like math and plants so. if i get anything wrong please correct me

acheron's past and how she became an emanator of nihility reminds me somewhat of the absurdist theme of how people always look for meaning when there isn't any, until they finally realize that the universe is meaningless

and the entire path of nihility basically is a road towards that realization that people tread on, and the difference between the real world and star rail is that in the real world here we have people who will see that and then go write a book about a guy not crying at his mother's funeral, whereas in star rail it seems that just accepting that the universe is meaningless turns you into a pathstrider or even emanator of the nihility (not sure if i remember the details, correct me if i'm wrong)

and then aventurine's whole motivation is trying to understand why the universe is so cruel to him, and to find meaning when you have everything except freedom, both of which are absurdist themes

the leap of faith argument often attributed to søren kierkegaard claims that even though there is no rational logic for believing in god, you should do it anyway because the alternatives are madness, suicide, and ignorance. this was one solution to the problem of confronting the universe's meaninglessness: choosing to believe in a higher being regardless

later world wars i and ii both contributed heavily to the rise of absurdism as people returned from the war, having seen so many others die around them, and then just going back to a normal society with none of what they as individual soldiers had contributed seemingly doing anything. and then it happened again, but on a much greater scale with even more deaths. both wars and the destruction they brought led many people to start questioning why a supposedly moral god could allow this suffering, and this is where camus comes in and says that actually religion and nationalism both aren't good solutions, and instead we should just accept meaninglessness and keep living despite the absurdity

and i think dr ratio's scroll thing kind of relates to that

he tells aventurine to open it when he's about to die, or when he's completely out of answers for the question of how to confront absurdity

and dr ratio's answer for aventurine is to just tell him to keep living, good luck

which is. yeah

it's the argument that there are more answers to nihilism than just 1) going insane, 2) pretending like it doesn't exist, and 3) dying

it's the bold claim that despite everything, you can still choose to live

sure nothing makes sense but that does not detract from your life. it doesn't need to make sense at all

and with the understanding that things do not need to fit our human definition of meaning, we can continue on knowing our true place in the universe

and with that aventurine walks into the very big black hole like look at that thing you cannot tell me there is no symbolism there

let's go back to acheron.

in the part where you get a snippet of acheron's conversation with some guy just before this cutscene, the other party states that "[IX] leave[s] woven strands of fate for humans to walk, and together THEY weave a great shadow...And this shadow silently envelops them."

which to me sounds like a statement on how people across time and space have again and again come to the same question, what is the meaning of life?

and acheron's whole color thing seems to mean that she is one of the few who, after walking so far on the path of nihility, somehow have not died yet, be it from madness or something else

like it seems implied that many many more have seen the meaninglessness of the universe and have not reacted as well as acheron has

ok i have more to say about the elation and how it in turn relates to the nihility but that will have to come later but there is. a lot of interesting things there to explore

once again disclaimer: I Am Not A Philosophist And Do Not Know What The Correct Definitions Of These Words I'm Throwing Around Are. thank you for coming to my ted talk that was more of a longwinded ramble

[bookishbrewer]

Gummigoo & existentialism in TADC - an examination:

Let's start this post by addressing the two most important terms I'll be discussing in this post:

1. Existentialism

A philosophical current which discusses human existence. Main issues that are included in this philosophy are: the absurd, free will, the meaning of life and existential loneliness.

Now, it is no secret that TADC does dab into existentialism in it's plot quite often. It is represented in the main character, Pomni, which begins her journey lost, scared & confused - but proceeds to begin processing the feelings of dread, horror & loneliness (see a theme here?) at the tail end of episode 2, after her encounter with a certain Gummy-Gator.

2. Nihilism

The belief that life lacks inherent meaning or purpose, often leading to a sense of existential despair & the rejection of traditional moral/societal norms.

This approach will be explained as we dive deeper into the relevant episode.

Let's start at the beginning of episode 2:

After the events of the first episode (Pomni first appears at the circus, is introduced to the concept of the circus & her fellow crew members, encounters abstraction & understands that there is no exit, at least not currently) Pomni is having a nightmare in which she is beginning to become abstracted & is sent down the celler with the rest on the abstracted "lost causes", and not only that, as the darkness surrounds her, she's seeing the silhouettes of Caine, Ragatha & Jax (leader, nice one, mean one) all disregarding what is happening to her, allowing her to fall inside the black.

Pomni is exploring the main themes of existentialism in her arc in those 2 episodes:

1. Loneliness - Existentialism deals with human existence in an age where traditional religious beliefs are weakened & the validity of absolute truths is undermined, which leads many to feelings of loneliness and alienation. In Pomni's case,her reality of being a human being, bound by morals, laws (including the laws of physics) & being mostly free to move around in the world as she pleases is shattered once she realizes that she is stuck in the circus, there's no way out. The headset is not coming off, the doors are fading. Loneliness originates from the assumption that one cannot truly communicate with another person, the way Pomni feels alienated from her crew members is a great example of that. No one wants to search for an exit with her, the nicest character (Ragatha) herself is dealing with her own existential thoughts & coping mechanisms:

So, essentially, Pomni realizes she the only person that actually cares about finding an exit. Going back to existentialism, the feeling of existence can feel so unique & strange that it cannot be shared by another, just as it is not possible to share in the feelings of another person's existence. Essentially, Pomni begins to isolate herself from the group: believing her existence is unique, compared to theirs. She will find the door. She will be able to leave. She gets to do all of that, even if it means leaving some of them hurt, and just as, and if not more alone than she is feeling:

Instead of understanding the existence of the other, we see her choosing herself, her "more real" self over the others. Horror is a natural response to life in a world without meaning and purpose, to which one was thrown without choosing it and in which he was "destined to live" (in this case, the circus). From the very same world characters like Pomni will either part violently, in abstraction (in existentialism: death), without understanding what it was all about, what was the MEANING of it all.

2. Freedom - Existentialism offers more than just a bleak view of existence, it introduces the notion of hope and redemption! Especially emphasizing the positive aspects of human consciousness and will, such as absolute freedom and uniqueness. In TADCs latest episode, Pomni begins to understand that she can find meaning and hope, even if she's no longer in her "human form". She doesn't have to lose her humanity, too. When she falls outside of the map & encounters Gummigoo, this is what was happening to him before:

He began to realize that something about his existence was off. That he wasn't who he thought he was. Mirroring Pomni in the sense of his identity, like hers, was given a good shake. One of Gummigoo's questions to Pomni was "what are you people?" (parallel to Pomni's "who are you people?" in the pilot), but then he realizes that it isn't really what he wants to know. He then asks:

He then tries to sort his coded-in memories: where's mum? The fighter that taught him everything he knew? The one who's whole mission with his bandit crew was for? Then he realizes something even more horrifying: he doesn't remember her face, or if she had a face at all. Then comes the big question "was anything ever real?". Pomni then suggests something:

Pomni understands what Gummigoo is going through now, he's having what is called an existential crisis: when someone deeply questions the meaning and purpose of their life, often causing feelings of confusion and anxiety. She understands it because she just went through it herself when popping in the Digital Circus. According to the philosophy of existentialism, an existential crisis may involve confronting the idea that life has no inherent meaning/purpose and grappling with the responsibility of creating one's own meaning in a seemingly indifferent universe. Gummigoo asks of Pomni to tell him exactly what he is

Here, Gummigoo makes his first free choice: he wants to know the truth. He wants Pomni, who's clearly different from him in a sense he can't even yet fathom to tell him what is actually going on, and what the reality actually is. While the idea of freedom in existentialism is not new, it gives it a fresh perspective by highlighting the individuality of existence and condemning conformity. Gummigoo refuses to remain ignorant. He doesn't want to be left in the dark, not anymore. According to existentialism, humans are inherently free and cannot escape this freedom, leading to the famous assertion that "Man is condemned to freedom". In this case, freedom begins with knowledge, choosing awareness. Although, Gummigoo does dabble a bit in despair and nihilism when later Pomni, while trying to launch them back on the surface of the map, notices Gummigoo sulking in the background & asked him for help:

Pomni, softly: Hey, you okay?

Gummigoo, distraught: No.

Pomni: You wanna talk about it?

Gummigoo: What is there to talk about?

At this point there's a beautiful symbolic shot of Pomni walking from a blank & "limitless" background towards Gummigoo, whom sits in a blueprint-like background, defeated:

Notice that at the beginning, Pomni's hand is reaching out towards Gummigoo, saying she doesn't just want to leave him below the map, but then when he asks her "why not?" she pulls back her hand as he is saying "I don't matter in the slightest, I'm nothing. My life, my memories, my friends, it's all fake".

Pomni understands what he is feeling, this is very similar to her conversation with Ragatha in the pilot about why go on Caine's adventures at all, instead of looking for an exit. She even says that, as she decides to sit next to Gummigoo, making a very close reference to the nihilistic approach:

Pomni: This may seem weird, but I think I know the feeling [...] feeling like you're nothing is kinda normal, I mean people even feel like that in the world I come from.

But then, Pomni decides to reject this approach & return back to existentialism's approach to the search for meaning:

Pomni: But... You still care about your buddies up there, don't you? I'm sure they still care about you.

Gummigoo, at first still insists on remaining nihilistic:

Gummigoo: What does it matter? What do we have when you people leave? We're just obstacles, created to be defeated & forgotten.

But Pomni insists:

Pomni: Well, you don't have to be.

Existentialist philosophers emphasize that there is a correlation between loneliness and freedom, asserting that while people may feel isolated, they are also liberated to choose their own lifestyles, worldviews, and values. Pomni suggests that Gummigoo returns to the circus with her, a place she begins to realize is, at least for the time being, her new home. She suggest that if he returns there with her, he can become someone real there, too. Like her.

When Gummigoo asks Pomni why is she even trying to cheer him up, Pomni simply replies "I guess, I don't want you to feel like you're nothing", calling back to how she felt in the circus, what the nightmare at the beginning of the episode was affirming in her mind. She did not want anyone to feel this way.

Some existentialists thinkers emphasize freedom in choosing a lifestyle, world view & scale of values. The person is free to adopt a practical philosophy (I am my own person, NPC, video game character or otherwise) but is also free to formulate for themselves the world view that suits them in their own time & ternd, as well as to avoid a consolidated view. This is the type of freedom Pomni wants to offer Gummigoo, the freedom she believes she currently has.

3. The Absurd & Rebellion - I want to discuss Albert Camus' approach here, although there are many other philosophers that discuss the same subject (some even believe the Absurd is its own philosophical current), because I believe his attitude fits best to TADCs approach. He believed that the absurd arises from the inherent clash between humanity's desire for meaning and the indifference of the universe. In his essay "The Myth of Sisyphus," Camus famously states that the only truly serious philosophical question is whether or not to end one's life in the face of the absurd. He suggests that instead of succumbing to despair, like nihilists suggest, one should embrace the absurd & live life to its fullest, finding meaning through rebellion against the absurdity of existence.

Pomni: [...] And... I could use a friend.

Gummigoo: ... A friend.

Gummigoo, standing up: You're a strange little character, suppose I could give it a try. All I ask is that we don't tell the lads about this [...] I don't want to drag them down with me.

Gummigoo accepts Pomni's approach, but he does want to protect his friends from the truth, seeing as he doesn't want them to go through the same type of crisis & pain he went through. He wants to rebel, but he doesn't want anyone else to carry the burden.

After going back to the circus... Well, y'know what happens.

After that, Pomni begins to cackle maniacally & smiling in a deranged way. Ragatha tries & fails to console her:

Ragatha: I'm really sorry about that, Pomni. At least you tried. You know, he might be back in a future adventure, I know Caine sometimes likes to reuse NPCs

But then, Zooble approaches:

Zooble: Got everything ready.

Ragatha, to Pomni: Hey,you'd like to at least wanna join us for Kaufmo's funeral? We like to have a little funeral service to remember the people who abstract [...]

Kinger: It's the least we can do to honor their memory.

As Pomni is listening to the Eulogies given by Ragatha, Gangle, Kinger & Zooble, she remembers her nightmare but this time, were shown a different ending:

Pomni finally realizes that even if she's trapped, even if there is no exit, even if she will lose people she loves, or even herself, she won't be alone. There are going to be people there to catch her, console her, hold her, mourn her.

She won't end up alone.

She is not a nobody.

She is a person.

She has meaning.

Thank you so much for reading 🙏💜

[kuijoon]

Sampo used to be a self-annihilator before becoming a masked fool

Note: this is a crack theory(?) (not even a theory tbh as I don’t really think it’s true and more so a different view on him)

First of all, this started with the similarities between Acheron and Sampo. Dark hair with white parts, dead snake imagery, diamond shaped pupils, leaving purple slashes in the air with their weapon, both nihility, etc. Obviously, this isn’t enough to warrant speculating about Sampo being connected to Acheron/the self-annihilators, so let me elaborate:

White hair: As we know, Acheron has a streak of white hair and completely white hair when she is in her alternative form. Self-annihilators are mentioned to “lose their color” as time goes on, which I think the white hair symbolizes. Sampo also has white hair, however it only is at the end of his hair (=he was losing his color back when he was a self-annihilator but after escaping the nihility and becoming a masked fool, it stopped- I’ll explain this idea more later on)

Snake imagery: As I think every Sampo fan is aware, he has skeletal snake imagery all over his design and it was even confirmed to be intended by hyv in the notes discussing Sampo’s beta design. Acheron possesses some of it too, albeit much less prominent: the spine thing on her back, similar belt decoration to Sampo’s, long spine painted (like that of a snake) on her sleeve, diamond eyes that could kind of resemble that of a snake (just like Sampo btw) and a spine in the background of her splash art. She even has a shoulder guard like Sampo, although it doesn’t directly resemble a snake and more so a vague bone structure (then again Sampo’s snake design elements are exclusively from snake bones). Other than Acheron, we have another known self-annihilator that features snake imagery; the one from the SU occurrence “Kindling of the Self-Annihilator”. Here, they are described as someone who’s a serpent below their waist, with dark green scales that give off a metallic glint- may be a coincidence, but for the sake of this theory I will choose to believe it’s intentional.

Besides Acheron’s and Sampo’s similarities, there are also a few more reasons to support this:

Aha saving a self-annihilator: In the Swarm disaster, Lepismat Part VI, Aha pays a self-annihilator a visit and they are described to have a “heartfelt smile on their face”, as if being rescued from the nihility’s pull due to Aha. Now, my theory would be that the same happened to Sampo- he was slowly fading away (his hair started to turn white), but then Aha showed up for whatever reason and Sampo was able to get out of IX’s shadow, becoming part of the masked fools instead when he realized the joy of life- turning from nihilism to absurdism, as the two concepts are closely intertwined anyway (hair stopped turning white).

Sampo’s in-game path is nihility: Now, if what I said before was true and Sampo stopped following the nihility, why would his in-game path being nihility support this? Well, I think don’t think that he has to completely turn away from nihility- as I already said the nihility and elation are closely connected in the belief that nothing matters, so still having sharing some beliefs would make sense to me.

Anyway that’s it for now (probably forgot something but wtv)

[nilboxes]

When looking at Aventurine and him wanting some kind of freedom, do you think he's like a caged bird that when the cage is open he's to scared to leave the cage? Alternatively, if he does leave the cage he's overwhelmed by the infinite possibilities that he doesn't know what to do with all that freedom to the point where freedom becomes a cage.

Ahh I have so many thoughts about Aventurine and his perception of freedom, which I find to be cute because I always thought he's a lot more free than he thinks, that he is capable of thinking, as he's so mired in his own absurdism and nihilism that he cannot really appreciate what he has, and that is, I guess, a conflict and tragedy of his character necessary for the narrative to play with and for us to have an entire 3D character to come witness, I don't hold it against him.

Aventurine would be the bird who doesn't know what to do when he has his freedom because he has nothing to "fly to" and to "fly for" but it is necessary for the bird in the "cage" to want in order to have something to "live for" (ie, a purpose)

But see, Aventurine is not special. He is not the only one who is in a cage or not free. No one in the world or universe is free at all. We are all on predetermined paths because of causality. One thing leading to another. For example you had eggs for breakfast because that's all there is in your fridge because that is all you can afford because raising chickens is cheap and eggs are more nutritional than eating pop tarts etc etc.

Another measure of freedom is whether or not one is bound by economic constraints or obliged to fulfill responsibilities... There really is no true "freedom" out there, so to speak, because defining freedom in the first place is a bit tricky too. What is free? I am free to leave this post here right now to demonstrate my free will, is that all it takes?

Sorry if that gives you some despair but hear me out.

I would argue Aventurine is not exactly even in a cage at all. I would rather make the analogy that he has a "leash" on him (I know this is terrible to say about a former slave but hear me out) because the leash is very very long and is only rarely tugged, and a leash can be tugged on both sides.

Aventurine for one is really, really rich. Like he can buy something for trillions of credits rich without batting an eye. That an insane amount of money. He can presumably, go wherever he pleases so long as he is serving the interests of the IPC as his superiors dictate (which is who? Only Diamond tbh) and he is not imprisoned, one could argue he's stuck in the job but like... if he wasn't in the IPC what would he do? What purpose is there left for him? All he wanted out of life was to be happy with his family, but they are long gone, and he presumably entered the IPC in order to make a difference for the remaining Avgin, who are also all gone, which he only finds out after becoming Aventurine. So he is highly, highly purposeless.

This is the core, I think, of what makes him feel "unfree" because he either has the IPC or nothing. That's where he is in the story I suppose, struggling for purpose in order to gain a sense of himself most of all and to gain the sense of freedom. Because importance of *feeling* free cannot be discredited also, because even as I say everyone is fundamentally unfree, I myself don't really feel as such where it matters? If that makes sense. Like, I cannot do everything that I want at the moment. I would love to jump on a plane and go somewhere, but like, I'm not "free" enough to do that. BUT there is a foundational sense of freedom where I don't feel constrained by my circumstance. I am not held physically hostage, my thoughts are free and not being unwillingly influenced by others, and I have a choice in certain matters.

I covered this in my latest drabble in Nemo Saltat Sobrius, where Dr Ratio discusses and presents *some* manner of freedom in the form of a perspective for Aventurine. We may be constrained by a lot of things, but we are free-est if we are able to choose, and to choose well. And I think, Aventurine, for all that he feels he is in his gilded imprisonment, should still able to do this where he is in the story, so eh, I don't feel like he's necessarily too bad-off (as opposed to well-off) within the IPC sorry it's not that dramatic.

Anyway sorry to circle back to Aventio and to "what-ifs" but yeah. I have a LOT of thoughts about Aventurine and freedom as just demonstrated there. Sorry it's so long lmao.

[demonlattee]

┏❘༻Krueger x Elias Headcanons༺❘━┓

There may be mistakes, English is not my first language. (sorry!)

Elias is the lucky guy who, as fate would have it, is still alive. Talented for undercover missions, stealth and with useful tech knowledge, but having a hard time handling heavy weapons.

Krueger is the hard work guy, he takes his job in Chimera very seriously, doing it to perfection so he can get back home as fast as possible.

Elias is the "life is meaningless!" in the most optimistic way. Idealistic much?

Krueger is more of "life is meaningless." In the most cynical way. Something akin to absurdism/nihilism.

Black cat bf x Golden Retriever bf Dangerous rattlesnake bf x hype hyena bf

Despite these differences they manage to get along perfectly, due to the great patience of both and their need to have each other's company, even if only in silence.

Big introverted nerds, in their own special way.

Sebastian and Elias are still fighting over which Friday the 13th movie is the worst in the saga and still can't come to an agreement. (ofc is Jason X!)

Krueger knows his value as an operator, recognizes his skills and brags about it without shame. But when Elias compliments his persona, outside of his role as a soldier, he can't help but feel flustered.

Although Sebastian is not one to express his emotions so openly (at least without using sarcasm and bitter comments), his love language is acts of service and physical contact (an aspect he was slow to show Elias)

Elias is an open book for Sebastian, before Krueger, Elias decided to bottle up his emotions, once they both learned to trust each other now he is constantly yapping about his thoughts/emotions to the Austrian.

Sebastian doesn't know Spanish, Elias uses it to his advantage, laughing at his thick accent.

Just as Sebastian takes advantage of the fact that Elias doesn't know German, but loves to teach him how to curse.

Nicknames/Petnames, to Sebastian Elias is: Schatzi, baby/babe, liebling, field mouse, Hohlkopf, shorty, Eli, El.

Nicknames/Petnames, to Elias Sebastian is: Honey/Hun, hubby, sugar, baby, mi vida, amor, grumpy old man, Sebby, Sebas.

[penultimate-step]

One thing that interests me about Koyomi and Tsubasa's relationship, especially early on, is the contrast between how much they care about each other and how little they really understand each other. From their first meeting, their relationship begins with a complete lack of understanding.

All through Bake, Hanekawa is talked up extremely highly by Koyomi. In his eyes, she's the one who knows everything, the one who is always right. Her own catchphrase might be "I just know what I know," but this is in response to Araragi complimenting her about knowing everything. He rarely thinks that she can possibly be wrong - which makes it almost funny in retrospect to realize that he holds this opinion of her despite the fact that one of the first inferences he every sees her make is massively misreading his own issues.

In Kizu, spurred by the day's sense of melancholy and the sudden absurdity of Hanekawa's skirt situation, Koyomi briefly opens up and is emotionally honest with Hanekawa. (Given that we as readers learn most about him from internal narration, this is bigger than it seems: this is one of the moments when he shares the most about himself out loud to others in the whole series.) It's not his whole deal, not by a long shot, but he gets across the basics: his strained concept of the value of friendship and human connections, his sense of nihilism, and his desire not to have to live as a human: "I want to become a plant," he tells her, "so that I wouldn't have to talk or walk." Honestly I'm not sure what a good response is to someone you are only now having a first conversation with telling you all about his depression, but Hanekawa chooses to reject it. She tells him that normally people would dream of becoming something like a rock, but in his case, since plants are a form of life, "You still want to be a living thing." Subtextually: "You don't really want to kill yourself. You aren't suicidal." To this, Koyomi basically thinks, Huh, never thought about it like that. Maybe you're right. and moves on.

….20 pages later, Koyomi chooses to kill himself for Kiss-Shot's sake, stating, "There isn't a single reason for me to bother staying alive." Kizumonogatari is in large part about Araragi's suicidal depression. Hanekawa, I love you, but you misjudged this one.

Even at this early stage of their relationship, Hanekawa thinks highly of Koyomi, much more than he deserves. As such, when confronted with something she considers a weakness, like his supremely low self-worth, she tries to justify why this isn't actually a trait he has.

Much later, by the time of Neko White, she's gotten a better chance to get to know him and become familiar with his him as a person, including his flaws, enough that she and Senjougahara can list them for hours. But that doesn't necessarily mean she understands him or his motivations - because she cares for him so much, she ends up idealizing his bad traits and his personal weaknesses into charm points and strengths. She says at the book's start that she admires him because of his confidence in his own identity, describing him as a person who doesn't hesitate over questions of who he is as a person or what he should be and do moving forward and comparing herself unfavorably to her own lack of sense of identity.

Readers, having read his narration in Kizu and Neko Black know this is far from true; that he spends a huge amount of page count trying to reflect on where he stands in life. The climaxes of both those books are great examples. In Kizu, Koyomi has a huge internal crisis after seeing the death of Guillotine Cutter. He tells Hanekawa that he is unsure if he is human or monster, worrying even that he'll eat her. He is unsure if he is going to oppose Kiss-Shot or not. And on top of that, his own guilt is eating him alive, causing him to question the worth of all his actions in the book so far. There's no way that this can be called a man sure of who he is, and it is Tsubasa herself who snaps him out of it. He relies on her presence as a guide to move forward. She has first hand experience seeing him experience deep uncertainty as to what kind of person he wants to be, but her narration in Neko White claims the opposite - that his consistency and surety is a trait she admires. A similar kind of struggle happens in Neko Black's ending, though given her own stresses and struggles at the time its very understandable that she didn't catch this one. Time after time Tsubasa is the one to see Koyomi's doubts and greatest moments of weakness, but rather than harm her view of Araragi, if anything it seems to have raised her opinion of him. In her Neko White letter, she admires what she calls "confronting his own weaknesses." She talks about falling in love with him when she saw that he was crying as he saved Kiss-Shot, comparing it negatively to how she showed no emotion and smiles through both suffering and aid. She basically says this outright in the letter: to her, all of Araragi's flaws becomes positive. Moments of self-doubt become moments of self honesty, to cry while acting is to remain true to oneself, and so forth.

Not that Koyomi is a genius at understanding her, either. While he admires her, for most of Kizu a lot of whats going on between them is going on in his head - he's projecting his own issues onto her and he deals with her more as what she represents to him than an equal friend, as he will come to treat her later in Bake and beyond. Neko Black, taking place between these two points, shows him in the middle of this transition.

I feel like there's less to say on his side though, just because Neko Black is much more explicit about Koyomi's failure to understand Tsubasa than Kizu is for the reverse. When she feels obligated by friendship to tell Araragi about her struggles with her family, in a reversal of their first conversation from the start of Kizu, he has this to say about it:

Despite having been friends for a month by then he realizes he has still been seeing her more as an ideal than a person. However, his reaction here, in contrast to when the situation was flipped, also illustrates that his way of misunderstanding is subtly different from the way Hanekawa misunderstands him. Rather than a direct dismissal, Koyomi, while originally ignorant, does come around to understanding What Tsubasa will do. However, he does this while blocking out any understanding of Why she would act like this. He can grasp the actions and emotions, but not the underlying causes.

As an example, near the end of Neko Black, after Koyomi has had some time to internalize his new understanding of Hanekawa, he is able to predict her words to her father before Meme tells him, then later develops a plan to deal with the Cat based around predicting her actions well in advance, first luring her out and then baiting her into attacking him. However, despite all this, he seems to have no knowledge, or perhaps is intentionally blocking out, the motivations behind her actions. Theres a reason she calls him "the worst" when he offers to give his time and energy to deal with her stress. (And much like when he healed her injury earlier, this is him dealing with symptoms rather than the true problem.) Because he's totally misjudging what she actually wants.

A similar pattern can be seen in the Cat chapter of Bake, when he first sees the cat. He realizes this means she's stressed, and can guess at how this will make her act and that things might get dangerous, but has no idea what set her off this time, not until the Cat tells him outright why things got to this point.

Koyomi views Hanekawa so highly, almost like she is incapable of making mistakes, despite having personal experience from the get go that she is very capable of making mistakes and that sometimes her inferences are wrong, and that she is often wrong about him, specifically. Hanekawa is wrong about Koyomi because she does the same thing, and views him so highly that she dismisses and glosses over his faults that she has seen personally. Together, they both consistently fail to understand each other because they place the other on a pedestal without meaning to. And yet, the book is clear that despite this gap in understanding, the friendship is no less for it. The care between the two is real, as is the effort they take in each other's lives.

[hopefull-mindset]

Did you accidentally see Odasaku’s last words as Nihilistic instead of Absurdist?

I do plan to write a larger analysis of Odasaku’s character, but I had the realization as to why some see his words as so negative when they were not to me: You do not see living kinder as enough of an answer to the overly sinking feeling of a meaningless life. You try to be too objective, too rational, as to why someone should live, so you’re mad at Odasaku for not saying an answer that doesn’t exist.

The idea that our life is meaningless is not an inherently depressing or negative one to live with, it’s what you choose to do with that mindset that decides it. No matter what branch of Nihilism, Nihilists decide not to engage with life beyond that it is meaningless, so typically they end up stuck where they are and forever feel an overarching, aching loneliness to what they feel as fact.

Although Dazai wasn’t in the most realistic position to be in, his struggle with Nihilism is pretty obvious in his time in the mafia. More specifically, it’s Existential Nihilism he’s trying to combat. He was at his most nihilistic before he met Chuuya, an utterly passive force that refuses to do more than the bare minimum and opts to attempt suicide instead. When he finally joined the Mafia, he tried to find life in the violence and death and why it could matter, but he couldn’t. It was a doomed pursuit from the moment he tried.

Unlike a lot of characters, Dazai is trying to find a rational meaning for why he should live. A Nihilist does not see an Existentialist’s proposition of subjective meaning as enough to justify why they’re still around in an absurd world where they can’t rationalize it as an actual meaning. There is no real truth except what they can be sure of, which is themselves. So he falls back into his most Nihilistic state once again, throws himself into suicidal situations, but keeps living anyway because maybe something would prove him wrong. Eventually.

He doesn’t try anything new or leave the mafia after this expected outcome because nothing other than his own expectations would happen, even in the world of light, nothing would matter. Genuinely, nothing will fill this hole for him in the way he wants it to because his intelligence leaves him trapped in a cage of his own making, worsening his suicidal ideation. When Odasaku confronts him in his dying breaths, he states it as a matter of fact because he’s been in a similar position to him when he was younger, but truly was he able to give him the advice he needed in his last moments, only through him losing this will to live could he understand his ideation to this point. An Odasaku pre-events of Dark Era would not be able to connect with him on this level, so I ask you to please recognize that.

His first few words were so Dazai would be willing to listen to him. It takes much more than to be a friend for him to listen to them. Odasaku does not come from a negative place, he’s stating what Dazai has always been thinking. When Dazai hears those words, he’s not discouraged, he’s thinking that since he understood him in such a specific way, what would Odasaku tell him to do then? He tells him not of what to do about life, an unsolvable case, but about how he could continue living.

Now this is where you need to understand what I meant by Absurdist. Absurdism, to be brief, focuses on the conflict between human beings seeking rationality and the irrational world we live in being meaningless. It concludes that since it is a futile objective to seek, there are three traditional ways to continue this realization that comes from Albert Camus’s The Myth of Sisyphus. The first one is suicide, which is a highly discouraged option since it only has us succumb/surrender to the absurd and doesn’t solve a thing. The second is denial of the absurd through faith in a higher power, which is a way to live of course, but is considered philosophical suicide.

The third and final option is to rebel, the heavily recommended option. Not to disregard the absurd, but to acknowledge it and to keep living despite our inherent meaningless life. Accept that these are our circumstances, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up on trying to live a life you want, be content with, and to be happy. Dazai was unhappy because he was trying to find the fucking Fontaine of Youth, Aka something that doesn’t exist, and fighting an unnecessary war with himself as the only solider.

The only way he can be happy is to not search anymore and to live his life despite it. This doesn’t solve his suicidal ideation, nothing can truly solve this dilemma, but it will make his life easier to live. This is what makes this piece of advice absurdist. It’s not overly positive because that would be ignoring their reality, this is advice Dazai desperately needed to hear. Anything else of a different tone or stance would be missing the mark with someone like Dazai.

Now absurdists don’t need to live by a certain moral code, that was more so about saving Dazai’s humanity so to speak. He associates being good to having humanity. That’s off-topic though, but it’s whatever I’m going to keep going off-topic. Real talk, I needed to quickly mention that even though their relationship is important, I think some of you are over-idealistic about Odasaku or that their relationship was much more intimate than it actually was when Odasaku was alive.

He was much closer to Dazai as Ango was, but that’s looking at it by Dazai standards. Every time Dazai talked about himself, Odasaku was like “in all our years of knowing each other, I’ve never heard him speak about this.” Pshh, I’m done now.

"Listen." Odasaku wrapped his blood-soaked hand around Dazai's. "You told me if you put yourself in a world of violence and bloodshed, you might be able to find a reason to live..."

[..]

"You won't find it,” Odasaku said in almost a whisper. Dazai stared at him. "You should know that. Whether you're on the side that takes lives or the side that saves them, nothing beyond your own expectations will happen. Nothing in this world can fill the hole that is your loneliness. You will wander the darkness for eternity."

[..]

For the first time in his life, Dazai wanted from the bottom of his heart to know something. He asked the man before him:

"Odasaku... What should I do?"

"Be on the side that saves people," Odasaku replied. "If both sides are the same, then choose to become a good person. Save the weak, protect the orphaned. You might not see a great difference between right and wrong, but...saving others is something just a bit more wonderful.”

"How do you know?"

"I know. I know better than anyone else."

(You guys should totally read The Myth of Sisyphus, I think it would help a lot of your understanding of Dazai)

[canmom]

read about 40 chapters of One Piece (up until they get their ship), inspired by all the One Piece fever in the air.

[actually the impetus for this was my boss talking about Netflix One Piece being very successful, to which I thought, it's against my religion to watch a Netflix live action adaptation of a manga without first reading the manga. so I guess I finally read some One Piece.]

it would be absurd to judge it on <0.5% of the run, but my general impression is that so far... it's solid but conventional, kinda old-school shōnen. each arc so far has mostly seemed to set up... some characters for Luffy's party to protect, a new party member, and some suitably wacky antagonist with a gimmick worthy of a weekly toku show. which, to be fair, is completely fine - I love Berserk, but it sure has a lot of chapters that are just 'a scary guy shows up and Guts fights him'.

it feels very confident - it's kind of hard to believe it's so early in Oda's career, actually! there are a lot of manga storytelling devices that by now feel like old friends - ah, you have a 'treasure' that's precious to you, a place or object that stands as a material symbol of your connection to someone? ah, you're a wacky and weak guy but you're willing to die in a futile battle to defend your home, inspiring our nigh-invincible protagonists into action? lo, a flashback to the definitive moment that lays out your motivation? and i'm not complaining, this stuff works, it is used over and over for a reason! but I sometimes feel like I can hear the Final Fantasy XIV 'a flashback is happening now' music kicking in and it's like hehe, here we go...

I guess this feeling is sort of like the people who watch Citizen Kane and don't see what's so special about it. but then, One Piece began mid-90s - I haven't read enough old shōnen to have a sense of what was new in its formula. if you wanted to be very reductive, you could say Berserk's big trick was to mix a heavy dash of shōjo storytelling into a gritty seinen battle manga, so you have affects of tragedy, wistful longing, even light BL to ground the action chapters. as yet I don't have a sense of how to sum up One Piece's 'thing'.

mostly what i feel like it's missing for me is perhaps a certain level of bleakness and nihilism to counterbalance all these classic romantic devices. it feels kind of like a panto - indeed some of the villains feel like they could launch into an oh no you didn't/oh yes you did routine at any moment. but then as far as shōnen goes, I have perhaps been a little spoiled by Tatsuki Fujimoto! I'm not sure at what point you would say One Piece 'really gets going', its 'Golden Age arc' if you will.

honestly it could just be that I don't super get on with Oda's art style lol. it's definitely not bad on any technical level (well ok there are some funky arm proportions in places) - he's got a clear set of artistic focuses, like big grins and very rounded character shapes, that gives it an instantly recognisable identity - but it's just not my thing. although I still like it a lot more than the later style seen in e.g. One Piece Film Gold.

[mayuurx]

Hold on. whale nihil????? bc of whale noises (← grasping at straws)

As all good things you can't have both. Choose.

[thenarddogmeister]

Everything Everywhere All At Once. The Daniels. 2022.

I love this film and have watched it three times so far so it’s about time I wrote this review.

First of all, I think the main themes I see being explored in this film are the different outlooks/ philosophies a person can use to live in a world like this. Everything Everywhere is a daunting film to write about because it’s postmodern to the maximum, there’s so much to talk about. Firstly, the absolute hybrid of genres and intertextual references (ranging from Disney’s Ratatouille to Wong kar-wai’s In The Mood For Love) makes this a staple of post-modernism and reflects the chaos of the world we live in today. We have access to everything and we can see so many things (especially with the rise of social media) and just like this film proves, it can provide beauty but it can also cause chaos and destruction. The movie is beautiful in its variety of colours, creative costumes, and allowing Evelyn (Joy’s mother) to understand her daughter’s sexuality better by jumping to a universe where she is in a relationship with Jamie Lee Curtis’s Deadre. However, it is also immensely destructive as by having a surplus of meanings and universes, Joy finds that she feels now, nothing has any meaning and she can’t trust anything she sees because she has seen everything. To use a perfect quote from the film, “She no longer believes in an objective truth.”

The Daniels like to draw contradictions in the film to highlight this distrust we feel in our modern culture due to having access to so many juxtaposing “truths.” For example, they comically use phallic and yonic imagery to reinforce the binary opposite drawn between nihilism (nothing matters) and absurdism (represented by Waymond’s whimsy throughout the film). This imagery is funny when we see Joy fighting with large dildos but it also allows us fresh perspectives when Evelyn and Joy put their hands together to create a vaginal-like shape, allowing Evelyn to see what Joy sees. This juxtaposition of humour and deep understanding supports the theme throughout the film that in this culture of media oversaturation, we cannot find an objective truth or an objective way of living anymore. It’s all about choice. This is also inferred as Evelyn is seen at the beginning of the film choosing to either stick to her laundry and taxes or go into the mysterious janitor’s closet - at one point, the screen even explicitly cracks into two perspectives to anchor this idea of choice. 

Another part of the film that I love, is the soundtrack/score, which also expertly contributes to the point of the film, that we are all confused and scared in this overstimulating postmodern world. Clair de Lune is used as a musical motif throughout the film, which perfectly sums up the point the Daniels are trying to make. This is an old, classical song used in possibly the least classical movie ever, showing how we have access to content spanning over literal centuries (due to streaming platforms like spotify I can listen to the 1905’s Clair de Lune and seconds later listen to the 80’s She Goes Down by Motley Crue). This overwhelming level of choice can be beautiful as we can watch Everything Everywhere All At Once and hear the magnetic and majestic Clair de Lune but it can also create so much disillusionment and confusion as how do we decide what is true and how we should live when there are million and millions of contradicting answers to those questions out there. 

The last thing that needs to be mentioned is the motif of the Bagel. The bagel represents Joy’s nihilism. It sucks everything in and leaves nothing in its wake. Moreover, it is black which is what you get when you mix all the colours together, surplus resulting in nothingness. However, the room we see the bagel in is overwhelmingly white, which is what you get when all the colours of light are added  together. White has happier connotations like heaven and purity, adding to this idea that the same situation (all the colours added together) can be interpreted positively by us or negatively. Will we see the black-hole bagel or the googly eyes that Waymond leaves around the house? 

Lastly, I love the match cut at the end where Joy and Evelyn share a mother-daughter hug, which then transitions ,through this match cut, into planets colliding. It really anchors this point that we can either focus on the massive destruction in this world (planets colliding) or the intimate moments of love (the hug). And each is powerful. 

The theme of this movie is so masterfully explored in the film’s editing, sound, cinematography, genres, imagery etc and so in my opinion it might be a perfect film.

[mdhwrites]

The Good of Penacony

I said I wanted to make a blog about the positive elements of Penacony and I meant it, especially since I really enjoyed the new content pretty much until after the first new boss. Some of what came after makes it hard for me to still enjoy what came before but there is plenty of good still, even in this main content.

So, of course, Star Rail 2.0 Spoilers ahead.

So a LOT of what's good is centered around Firefly. For as much as in my original blog I railed against her death, she is this bad trope done EXCEPTIONALLY well. Her scene on the rooftop is the best in all of Star Rail, hands down. Not only that but she doesn't feel like a cinnamon meant to die. She has a real personality, can be distrusting, isn't a complete airhead, still had her own secrets until she died and her own motives and desires. As far as Star Rail characters go, she is genuinely one of the best.

It's why her death hurts so much. I see people trying to joke about it and it causes twinges in my chest. I see people celebrating her and feel joy about it. She is a character who I'm really unhappy to have gone. If the writing was truly just bad, this wouldn't have happened.

A large part of what helps in all of this is that during the time you spend with her, the game drops the mysteries, mostly, and drops its pretensions to genuinely be fun. Instead, it is enthusiastic about its setting in a way we haven't been before. Firefly truly, genuinely loves the dream of Penacony and has a good reason to since it's the only place she can truly live now. She makes the biggest argument anyone could for why the dream must stay. Why it would be such a tragedy for it all to collapse.

I think the time with Sampo is really the only lull with the time with her. 'Sampo' isn't bad mind you. Sparkle may be no fun, part of why I don't like her, but while pretending to be a fun character she gives some good chances to snark and some good jokes. She also introduces neat mechanics and while the Tatalov stuff is entirely pointless, it's a fine distraction. It helps sell the absurdity of dreams.

The dungeons help in this regard too. The dreamscape that's being worked on is majestic and the bird's eye view you have to take to traverse it only helps you drink in the grandeur to this new addition to Penacony. The shooting stars like streaming fireworks are awe inspiring and Firefly is just the cutest little thing with each and every one that you do with her. It's honestly the first time that our party has truly helped add to the atmosphere of a dungeon.

This isn't as true for the Child Dreamscape but that's okay as now we descend into the uncertainty and horror of dreams. This is also part of Penacony's strength from a design perspective. I never felt like the Loufu really supported its own themes too well, nor enhanced its storytelling, with its dungeons. You go through too bland, faceless of environments for that. Penacony is entirely different. The enemies, world design and even how you traverse are genuinely trying to work in parallel with what they're trying to go with for the concept of the planet.

And man... Something Unto Death is a masterfully designed boss. My brother and I were assuming that if Sam was the boss that made sustainers shine (which kind of is true. Sam is awkward as far as a boss fight goes and I'm curious what consensus on him will be) then Unto Death would be the boss for multi-DPS teams. That it was anti-hyper carry.

Which, arguably, it still is. It still wants you rocking at least two DPSes but specifically MULTI target DPSes. Erudition isn't completely the king here though. Because they're starting to acknowledge DoTs as still dealing damage, it's really the Nihility boss and I like that there is one in main content that is specifically weakest to that group. DoT teams struggle after all in the current DPS test focused end game content and having a boss that makes them feel more relevant is a great addition.

Also, I will shout out that despite the fandom thinking the era of Hunt is over, Sam currently appears to be best fought against with Hunt characters. Their speed helps them keep up with Sam, their ults chunking so much weakness off of him is extremely useful if you don't want to have to burn down your own health to get him out of his super state and their overall extremely high damage even outside of ults against this single target mean they can make him suffer the hardest. For as much as I think the Sam fight currently feels like a giant slog, and I worry what a phase 2 and 3 will look like with him, I still respect what they're trying to do with him. If arguably Argenti is a better version of the Yanqing fight though, I'm excited to see what the better Sam fight is.

And there's still plenty of other characters I do like. Gallagher was great in his brief appearance. Misha is adorable and I'm sad we're not getting a companion quest with him. Black Swan might be an idiot right at the end but she is the most competent manipulator amongst the cast of manipulators and at least when she tells me that she's doing it for good reasons, I actually believe her. Heck, I even liked when I first met Aventurine. It's genuinely a problem for me that he's being built up to be the super cool hero of this story next to us that makes me dislike him so much because nothing about his previous appearances sold him that way. An idiot who has gotten too much power, too quickly, and is used to relying on his status getting shut down because he's finally having to deal with people with real power and skills though? I was excited for that with his first couple appearances.

I genuinely really want to like Penacony. The fact that so many things took a step up (I didn't even mention how while the elites might be easy, I think their gameplay and visual designs are amazing) is a really great thing that helped add to the possibility space to the writing. It even started trying to ape Shakespeare by trying to tell us how the story would go from the beginning.

It's just... Nothing about the patch has me excited for where it goes except for the potential for Firefly to come back. Not from the main story at least. That's just a real shame, especially after I actually did manage to get on the hype train for Penacony. I don't usually get to do that.

The last note I'll leave on is my theory for Acheron: If she is an emanator, she is the Emanator of Nihility. She brings things to an end but more importantly for this: She herself is constantly being emptied out. Her lack of memory? Her ability to get lost so easily? Those come from parts of her mind literally being consumed by her nature. It would also explain why she potentially might not know she's an emanator (that's speculation) but also be why she reacts to you the way she does. Not enough of HER is there to not be affected and changed by how you treat her and the emotions you put out. Hence the red text that changes for different players.

And I'll admit that I am excited to see if I'm right. Acheron is probably my favorite Penacony character currently who is still alive and I'll still be pulling on her banner (after it took 160 pulls for Black Swan *sobs*). I just hope Penacony improves, leans more into the dream rather than the mystery and honestly that for a while, Star Rail just stops trying to do mysteries because I don't think they're good at it. Ratio's continuance sucked for it and the thin veneer of it here is dragging everything down.

And that's a shame when so much of it is so high.

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For those who want to see me being angrier about it, and talking about how terrible both Firefly and Robin's deaths are, you can find that blog over here. That was admittedly done with a lot more emotion than this blog was but I still stand by it for the most part.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

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[inkrabbit]

Hi!!! Your writing is delightful 💜💜 Can we get the Papas and maybe the Ghouls helping a female/GN!reader (up to you! you are right Italian is Unforgiving) deal with religious trauma and learn to let themselves enjoy things and be part of a ministry that focuses on self-love, not hate-all-around? 🥺 Spillways fully broke me the first time I heard it and I’d have fallen at Copia’s feet sobbing if it had been at a concert.

okay babes, I'm gonna try my best for this, and we're just doing the Papas this time around. this requests has popped into my head here and there but I never really had too many ideas for it. I'm gonna do hc style for this with gn!reader

Primo:

"Girasole, what is this? Stop this crying, please. There is no reason to cry."

It's no surprise that Primo would be gathering you up in his arms and coddling you

His knuckles would stroke your cheek, wiping away any tears

He knows trauma can be a cruel and unforgiving thing. He knows you're trying your best to be strong

But he also knows that those old wounds have a habit to reopen, and he's here to do his best to help close them again

Cry all you want. He won't look at you any differently. But he will make sure he's there every step of the way with you, holding your hand and trying to get you involved with whatever event the church has going on

Secondo:

It takes him a bit before he finally notices that you've frozen up

He told you to go and have fun; mingle with the others in the clergy and enjoy whatever Sister Imperator had set up for everyone. So why were you standing all on your own?

"Uccello canoro, this is not what I had in mind when I told you to go have fun. Surely this corner isn't fun to you!"

He'll only understand once you explain to him.... for the most part

It'll take him a bit to fully grasp just exactly what you went through because, obviously, it all sounds so absurd to him that he couldn't imagine going through what you have

Give him a bit. He'll get changed into something more comfortable and join you. He might not know deep-rooted this is, but he knows it's less scary to go through something when you have your Papa with you

Terzo:

Oh honey, he's picked up on it ages ago

"You have nothing to be afraid of, amore. Look around you. We are your family now. We would never do such awful things."

He'll make sure you stay close to him, either always holding your hand or making sure your arms are linked

He's going to be checking up on you quite a bit and making sure you're having fun

The second he sees you act hesitant, he's going to be holding your face in his hands and softly cooing at you, telling you everything is going to be okay

He'll postpone anything and everything to make sure you're getting the experience you deserve in the ministry. After all, what kind of Papa would he be if he let one of his favorite siblings stay at the mercy of those horrible memories?

Copia:

He doesn't exactly understand right away. He just thinks you're shy to try something new

He knows what it's like to be anxious, so he'll take his spot right beside you, offering you an ear and, quite possibly, a hug from the newest Papa

But the second you open up to him about your past? All of those nasty things that have been engraved in your brain?

"Little mouse, no! No no no! T-that's not what we do here! Please, do not be afraid. We're not monsters."

He's suddenly become hyperaware of everything around you and he's taking extra time to be with you

He's the leader now - everyone's safe haven. He can't and won't let you believe that you're going to be subjected to the horrors of your past. No no, you're safe here

BONUS:

Young Papa Nihil:

"Who the fuck said that?! Precious, we do things a lot differently here."

Nihil was, surprisingly, very involved with his clergy, and very protective of them

The second you let it be known to him that you had gone through a challenging past with your past religion, he was quite upset to say the least

Back then, the clergy wasn't as big, so he had more time to make for everyone, and you were no exception. Any time Mass would start or there were mentions of confessionals, Nihil personally saw to it that he was the one giving you a positive experience

If he was too busy with his own duties, he would have one of his trusted ghouls accompany you and show you that the ministry wasn't and would never be what you had gone through

Trust in your Papa. He might be an idiot, but he's trying his best. He just wants you to be happy

[teddy06]

I just finished reading (and then watching) Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead for the first time and holy fuck

I have so many thoughts and no one to ramble to so if your interested it's all under the cut

I have a lot of love for stories that explore nihilism, absurdism and existentialism through such a personal lens as a character who is slowly coming to realize that they are just playing a role (or who's understanding of their role is changing) especially when it's done in such a way that gives room for comedy and confusion

I've been looking for a story that match's the vibes of Wes Andersons Asteroid City for a while now and I think this play has finally done it for me.

As someone who has already done a lot of work processing Shakespeare and spent a good portion of my last semester going through and understanding not just Hamlet as a play but Hamlet as a character, I had a lot of insight and understanding going in.

Even in the original play Hamlet, every character, not just Hamlet, who was marked for death, is already dead going into the show. They are dead simply for being doomed by the narrative. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead takes this idea a step farther and presents the whole play (or at least the parts that R and G witness) through their eyes, all while they struggle to remember and retain their own identities, and how they fit in to this whole ghastly situation.

The play is absolutely incredible, and was even enjoyable to read, which, anyone who has read traditional Shakespeare knows is rarely the case. The 1990 movie starring Tim Roth and Gary Oldman was equally as amazing, as even while to keep a standard run time, some things are cut, it adds a great amount of back ground details and moments that are nonexistent in the original text, but certainly add to the story.

It is safe to say that Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead has now been added not only to my list of shows I would love to see, but also to direct or even take part in.