#folks i think i can get my dad to play new vegas >:)))

[zombiepatch]

apparently my parents are gonna see if the fallout tv show is any good and ngl it was a bit surreal to be sitting there explaining basic fallout lore to my parents who were genuinely nodding along with interest and asking questions LMFAO???

[evilminji]

Broadway :3c

And I hear ya. (Insert spooky joke here) There is a sprawling WEB of central hubs, for The Arts. For trade. For getting drunk and having a good time. The Zone is large and it is endless. You'll NEVER reach the far end. It can never reach you.

All things, in gentle sweeping waves, across eternity.

So when folks want to have "a market" or "a movie theater" or "the waterpark"? You gotta PICK a point on the endless map. Figure if you are close or far enough away for others like it, to make it worth the effort to build.

You might even be the first to do it for GALAXIES in any direction! People might fly for WEEKS to come to your place! Move their Lairs to be closer too it. Like dust gathered by gravity, slowly creating planets and stars. A mega Lair. A CITY.

They rise, they fall, the Zone shifts all the while.

But!

Does the dead starlet stop singing? Does getting gunned down, stop the show?? I think NOT! Where is her STAGE? What musicals? What dramas? What operas and tragedies and forms unknown to human kind??! Ballet dancers who CAN defy gravity! Singers who have no NEED for air! The haunting blend of instruments, that could never in life have met! From empires long turned to ASH!

The greatest show in DEATH!

Ember was a world wide hit. Yes, her voice was hypnotic. But that could be FOUGHT. It was SKILL that carried the game. And she was hardly "I was Literally The Greatest My Planet Ever Produced" skilled. She was good, great even. Not "I was Born For Greatness" Excellence.

And like?

.....eventually? Danny's gonna ask after "cultural-y" Culture stuff. Clothes and food. Music and the arts. To help his parents get used to the whole "our son is half-dead" thing. To show he's not some mindless monster now.

And? Ghostwriter? Probably an absolute legend. Does he know where you can find some CULTURE? Oh THANK ZONE! He thought you'd NEVER ask! You unsophisticated-! *fist fight in a library* Still a dick, though. Always and forever.

And just? Imagine Broadway stretched out into a floating city. That never sleeps. Never stops. Shows ever changing. Some on a cycle, some only once. Dream-like. Beautiful. Eye catching.

And yeah, Danny didn't think he LIKED musicals. It was more of a Jazz thing. But? This was important! Gotta get the whole family in the Speeder. We're going to see a play, guys! We'll pick when we get there! Family road trip! Educational! We can make notes!

His parents are trying to be supportive. Big, fixed, strained grins. Trying to pretend to be excited. But they... DO seem reluctantly intrigued? And Jazz is all but vibrating in her seat. It's basically her "before you go away to college" present. And she is THRILLED.

The longer she excitedly speculates? The more into it she gets their folks. This IS gonna be new! Exciting! Never before seen Ghost Culture! Music! As a FAMILY! Think we could find souvenirs? Ooooh, wonder if they sell CDs??!

Then? They GET there. And it's... it's like seeing the Las Vegas strip for the first time, except multiplied into a city. Made of even MORE styles and eras. At angles gravity would never allow.

The air filled with laughter and excitement, people rushing to shows or humming bits of tunes. Street stalls. Fountains. Flowers growing everywhere.

They could stay for months and not even reach a fraction of these buildings. His parents are taking countless photos. His sister squeeling with joy as she races for an information kiosk like they just arrived at Disneyland. He, at least, remembers to lock up the Speeder. Grab their day bags.

When did HE become the responsible one?

The argue over shows. Obviously. Wouldn't be Fenton's otherwise. HE wants to see the alien one. It's from mars! But it's his sister's trip, as his dad points out, so she gets to choose. She picks a musical set during the Fall of Krpton. He's... reluctantly kinda interested. I mean, EVERYBODY likes Superman, right?

It's... it's amazing. Terrible, but amazing. I mean? A coming of age story cut tragically short? Oof. Hello, massively projecting then getting FEELS about it! Yeah, sure, rip my heart out why don't you? He's fine. No, really! Just drowning in his own emotions over here. The refrain of "A Life Well Lived"? *gargling dying whale noises* he's FINE. Not grappling with anything! Go on without him!

Thankfully?

They DO sell CDs.

He... he may end up, kinda, getting a bit of a collection. Going on the weekends, hoping show to show. Wandering to whichever catches his eye in the moment. Buying the CDs for one's he likes. Which? Honestly is a lot of them. Even though there's all sorts of genres and languages. Cause it... it RESONATES you know?

The grief. The anger. The "I have died but I wasn't FINISHED. It isn't FAIR.". And? Something about ghost speak flows so BEAUTIFULLY in song? It's hard to explain. But he... he needs them.

A pair of headphones, a CD, and a clear night sky? Nothing touches it. It's like a trance made of light. Like he can just drift.

The problem? Is the CDs are kinda... Zone made? They're radioactive, for one. Nothing a Fenton CD player can't handle. But... they? Also? Kinda fuckin GLOW? Like... very, very noticeably. And not in a "ha ha, cool glow in the dark paint!" Sorta way.

.........but like FUCK is he leaving his music behind when he goes to college. Gotham will have to deal. It's already a burning shit-nado, it can handle this. Probably. He'll put um in a lead lined box. Actually, speaking OF.... he needs to get a few more of those... *goes back to packing*

Which? Is how? The Bats are treated to some of the most HAUNTING music they've ever heard, belted and crooned from Some Guy's speakers, out an open window, on the "stop for a mid-patrol drink of water and a snack" building. It's one of the intersections of their patrol routes. And THAT? That is some dude listening to a Romani ballad about death and the circus. Now it's a musical about the trenches of an obscure war.

Okay, that was DEFINITELY Kryptonian. Like... coherent Krypto- *Bruce gets a call from Clark on his "work" number DEMANDING to know where that is coming from. Who is that voice Bruce?!* huh.... Well Then.

@hdgnj @hypewinter @nerdpoe @lolottes @babbling-babull @spidori @mutable-manifestation @the-witchhunter

[prozac-shaped-urn]

While I have a lull in this migraine imma try and plot out some shit to see if I can hit the nail on the head a second time in S3 of Hacks.

I forget where I saw a spoiler/hint interview with JPL back in fall 2022 but I remember Deb has a boytoy this season, so I'll be going down that train of thought first. And if I've somehow just made that tidbit up, then I've made that up but I still maintain this is the direction she's going, so fuck it.

Deb has a bit of a sexuality crisis in 204. Maybe crisis is a strong word. A questioning moment. She has a questioning moment at Ava's suggestion and follows through with it even though Marla was literally playing her to get a refund. At the end of the cruise, she's pissed and lesbophobic vitriol goes everywhere -- we all know the story by now. But regardless of whether or not she actually hates lesbians, she bought Marla a drink and enjoyed her company. 1 - 0 for the dykes.

In S2, Deb acquiesced and agreed bisexuality is a thing and that lesbians aren't terrible, hit on that one comedy chick by examining her hand size, and had a one night stand with Casper the Friendly Ghost. Oh, and she 100% realized she needs Ava to be ok, and ok means not having Deb in her life so she doesn't take up all the room in Ava's career. 4 - 0 for the queers.

So how and why do we get to the fucking boytoy?

In most late-life sexuality discoveries, things don't go in a linear direction. Unlearning takes time and it goes the way anything someone's uncomfortable with goes. You get to a level you are comfortable with then move on to the next one and so forth. And at this point, Deb is comfortable with a boytoy. If she went directly from Marty's bed to Ava's bed (outside of flinging the sheets off of her in a rage), that wouldn't be realistic nor healthy. It would mean something was so deeply disturbed inside her that she wouldn't be open with herself to acknowledge her true feelings one way or the other, and she would instead be hoping Ava would fix that disturbance, which is so totally not Ava's job. But. The fact she listens to Kiki and decides to take a chance and fuck Casper I mean 'follow the fun' means she's open to unlearning that one thing she's held onto since 7th grade when it comes to her sexuality. She's letting go and letting new ideas in, and she has a boytoy, which means step 1 of Deb's sapphic realization has begun, folks!

Onto fabulous bisexual disaster Ava Daniels.

Oof babes. She's head WAY over heels and Deb knows this. I don't think Ava actually realizes what's happened. She just knows she doesn't wanna be anywhere Deb isn't, and I think part of that is instinctual -- meaning she's feeling wholly and truly loved and accepted and seen by someone other than her dad for the first time in her life -- and part of it is likely due to her insecurities when it comes to The Business. I mean fuck! Deb has clout and connections spanning back 50 years. She holds conference with Liberace, the mayoress of Vegas and Wayne Newton without issue. She kicked the mayoress out of her mansion when she got too annoying ffs. Who in their right mind WOULDN'T want to take advantage of that! Never mind that this is precisely what I'm going through in my own life. Ava has a lot of growing to do in her career and in her emotional intelligence. She has as much catching up to do with that as Deb does with sexuality. I don't have any Ava hints, so I'll take a wild stab in the dark and guess Ava's doing really well professionally. Like reeeeally well. Almost unbelievably well. Unrealistically well. Like Deb's maybe pulling a lot of strings because she can't stand to see Ava fail. And maybe she'll be able to lure Ava back so they can have a stand-off in Deb's foyer or something. Just a guess. I'll honestly be stunned if this is legit.

As far as trajectory, I'm thinking we have some growing and moving around to do in 8 episodes and that's not a lot of time so it'll probably move fast. (The first ep is 60 mins, so like.... they're gonna pack a lot of shit into very limited time frames and we all gotta pay close attention because not everything will be dialogue. There are 8 eps this season including 301, so we got 4.5 hours of this season to work with folks.) Highlights of my thoughts are as follows:

Deb won't come out yet but she'll have some sapphic realizations she runs by Ava to see if they're actually sapphic and not some kind of weird 'what is this feeling' moments. Dearest Darlingist Momsie and Popsicle...

Deb will decide to be more open with Ava about how she feels in general but also how she feels about Ava! She'll want to be closer to Ava by the end of the season and we'll have more apologies and metaphoric funerals to look forward to with that.

Ava will have success in her career ventures even at the expense of her physical connection to Deb because Deb will truly support that growth and Ava will know she has "a home to come back to" n shit so she'll be more amenable to the idea of pursuing that goal. I suspect a solid attempt at success and a final separation from Deb by the end of S3. Think balcony scene all over again but with elated smiles instead of tears... except maybe from the fangirls.

Ava and Marcus will have a come to Jesus moment. One of them will win the fight for Deb's affection and it won't be Marcus.

Marty won't show up in person but he'll likely be referenced a few times, either in dialogue or visually (as in we'll see a shot of the Palmetto or Deb's special is played etc.) Same goes for Frank and flashback clips of Who's Making Dinner? or DJ telling a story about him etc. This will be to remind everyone of where Deb started and where she's going emotionally and with her sexuality.

Kayla and Jimmy are gonna be a riot this season. Pure unhinged comedy gold with these two. Paul and Megan are now series regulars, so expect more of this situational-physical comedy in coming seasons. ~My body is ready.~

Deb's Vegas residency will founder because that's just good dramaturgy. Ava may or may not come to the rescue on that. I'll be interested to see where she stands in terms of her desire or lack thereof to help Deb and whether it'll be from a place of genuine concern or out of guilt or out of spite or out of having something to lord over Deb's head. I wouldn't be surprised if any or all of that is her reason to help or not help.

Ava and Nina... Jesus h Christ on a stick. Yeah these two have some major bumps to work out this season.

Deb and DJ also have some major bumps to work out this season and I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE DEB BECOME A GRANDMOTHER I WILL SOB UNCONTROLLABLY FOR A WEEK I AM SO READY AND I AM SO TOTALLY NOT AND I AM TERRIFIED OF NO LONGER HAVING KLONOPIN TO NUMB MY EMOTIONS AND BEING BOMBARDED WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT DEB IS HOLDING A LITTLE SLICE OF HER OWN DNA WITH THE CARE SHE HAS ALWAYS WANTED TO GIVE IT BUT NEVER GOT TO GIVE IT BECAUSE OF HER OWN NEGLECTED EMOTIONS AND BEING SO SCARED OF OPENING UP THAT MUCH GAAAAADDDDDDUUUUHHHHHH never mind that this is precisely what i'm going through in my own life istg this show is a full body mirror and i am staring in disbelief

Storytelling style is likely gonna be a back-and-forth between Vegas and LA in every ep instead of every other ep. I'd be interested to see it come alive in a flashback style tbh but that would probably be too confusing for a comedic tone. Back-and-forth will stop once Ava returns to Vegas, obvs.

I'm still banking on Deb loaning Ava her LA mansion at some point. I'm also banking on a series finale that includes a song by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young as the end credits backing track. Paul saw that on my insta story a couple years ago. I have no idea why. But he knows my headcanon now, so if I end up meeting him IRL I will double down on that. And the biggest crocodile tears will spring from my eyes if it's "Our House".

What the fuck ever JPL and co. have to throw at me I WILL DEVOUR LIKE A RABID SQUIRREL HIGH ON THE FRUITS OF 400 YEAR OLD OAK TREES no questions asked.

Thanks for coming to my TEDTalk.

[itwoodbeprefect]

Hi! Since youre into sga again how do you think mcshep would be in a h50 au or as steve and danny?

fjdkfd honestly, i think merging those two that way around (transplanting john and rodney into the h50 universe, rather than steve and danny into the sga one) would be a lot harder than it sounds. the h50 world is... fairly nondescript? its big draw as a show was undeniably the characters, so swapping those out changes a lot of the details that actually made the show what it is.

if we are going for it, however, i think the obvious choice would be to try a john-as-steve and rodney-as-danny approach, except john wouldn't be john if he were a highly decorated superseal with a spotless record and rodney wouldn't be rodney if he had a kid to care about and prove from the getgo that he's not as selfish as he appears, so... we could hide that, for a little? or, and bear with me here! we could do something a little unorthodox and make it rodney-as-steve and john-as-danny instead, which i think would overall be a MUCH better fit.

like, rodney is a brilliant scientist who returns to the island where he grew up after many years because his father was killed; john is an unwilling transplant cop from the mainland who followed his ex-wife (which he canonically has!) and their little daughter (which he doesn't, but if he DID, you can't tell me he wouldn't blow up his own life and move to a place he hates to try to stick close to her). i think that particularly for john this works a lot better: his captain and the other detectives don't think much of him (like colonel sumner), he hates hawaii and how sweaty and crowded by tourists every single bit of honolulu is (remember that he LIKED antarctica), and he lives in really awful one room apartments because the divorce, custody proceedings and move across the country ate up all of his savings, but he DOES still own a very expensive very pretty very fast car, because of course he does.

rodney is maybe a little more tricky, but i think we could make it work, especially if we draw a little vegas!rodney into it, perhaps. he's done well for himself, he has a bunch of awards and hops from place to place working on very secret projects (for the us military, potentially, if we want to keep that aspect), and then he hears his dad with whom he has a very complicated relationship is dead, so he returns to oahu where the governor personally greets him and is like, hey, you have a very unique skillset, want a job on my new special taskforce fighting major crime? and he goes nope, and then he runs into john in his father's garage, makes a call while john is pulling strange annoyed faces in the background, and suddenly they're putting together a team. rodney doesn't know chin from their football days, but from chin playing in the school band (which he did, iirc!); chin can still draw in kono, etc. obviously jeannie is mary, but i think jeannie could still bring the same chaos while nonetheless being married and having a kid (there HAS to be a scene in which she and john bond over Being Parents and she HAS to be surprised when she sees rodney be very gentle and sweet with john's kid), and i feel like it's important to note that catherine's role does NOT go to sam (because that would be weird and would only happen if rodney were the one writing this au), but to jennifer, who also gets a little of her vegas personality probably. especially the bit where in that episode she acts as an ME, because that would work very well for what is now essentially a cop au - she's the person that gets called in if they have a very weird body.

and yeah, uh. there's probably more "borrowing" of kamekona's helicopter in this version, because john can never resist. it's a little less clear who's actually leading this taskforce, because officially it's rodney but he definitely needs john to reign him in sometimes, which honestly, might just be another way this configuration fits the steve-and-danny dynamic well. i realize that i kept chin and kono and then replaced the other characters with faces from sga, so if we want to fill out the cast: i propose another swap from the first thing you'd think of if you had to put ronon and teyla into those two positions. teyla is chin, wise and ruthless and devastatingly beautiful, and ronon is kono, the looks-like-an-actual-model newbie who used to be a professional surfer and stuck with teyla when she was accused of corruption and all of her family (the athosians!) turned on her. (they still meet him on the beach as he punches a guy for stealing his wave, and john still has his mouth hanging open a little.) also! carson is max, of course. instead of dressing up as keanu reeves characters for halloween he dresses up as scottish folk heroes.

[calypsoff]

Fifty Seven. Part 2

Looking over at Chris, he keeps falling asleep in the SUV. Meanwhile I slept and he didn’t, I wonder if he got any type of sleep actually come to think of it but him sleeping in the SUV he must be exhausted. Opening my bag and grabbing my phone, I’m sorry but he looks too cute asleep with his phone in hand, he is hanging bad. Aiming my phone camera and taking a picture, he is going to have one nasty neck pain when he wakes up. Tapping on IG and tapping on IG story, adding the picture and captioning ‘He still makes every appointment for me and FYI! He calls me a mouth breather lol. Love you @fuckyopictures’ pressing send on the post, I want to wake him and tell him about his neck, but I will leave it, let me call Jay Brown while I’m here and tell him I will do the Grammys, I don’t feel like shit anymore and I am ready to do that. I am ready to perform before I give birth, placing my phone against my ear as it rang out. Watch his ass not pick up, he always busy doing something “Rihanna” he answered “oh, very formal. In a meeting I am guessing?” He must be, I know that voice “you know me, but I had to answer. Everything ok? You’re important to me” he is so caring “I accept, me and Chris discussed, and he says make the Grammys about you, keep this a secret and then walk the carpet” I want him to know that Chris was involved “I like your husband, he is a clever man. I will tell them; this is going to be great. I will contact you soon I have to go. Bye” he disconnected the call, well he’s happy anyways. But I am excited about this, I think Chris is right. But I hope my face doesn’t look fat, oh my god I hope my face doesn’t come out because I will cancel that shit with quickness. I need to tell Tina actually, get the team together for the performance.

My driver opened my car door for me “thank you, I am going around to wake him” I added before he rushes over and opens the door for Chris, he is still asleep and I had to sit in silence because of him. Dragging open the car door “Chris, hey” tilting my head to see his face, god he is knocked out asleep “Christopher” patting his thigh, his head shot up and eyes wide open “hey” I laughed “we’re home, come out” walking off, he will eventually come out of the car. Making my way to the house, I am generally getting used to living here. At first I was a little not really liking it but I am getting there, it’s nice and smaller then what I would have gotten but I do like the stairs going up. I will need to childproof the whole house soon though, unlocking the door and pushing it open. Looking behind me and Chris hasn’t made his way out so I will leave it open for him, looking behind me once again “is he coming?” It’s making me doubt myself, the driver was going to go back around but I heard the door shut. Let me wait for my sleepy head to come, my smile grew seeing him dragging his feet. I am very much in love with him, the same way I saw him the first time, I do think to myself did I like him first day and if I am being honest with myself I was more scared he would be mean to me but I did fall for him “I love you Chris, I really do” Chris lazily put his arm around me “I know you do” he said huskily “you have really opened my heart in ways that I didn’t think could happen, I just want to thank you for loving me in every way” Chris chuckled “you’re being very loving now huh, what you want?” He questioned “dick” and I’m being deadass “that can be arranged, what you doing now” I’m sure Barry is here somewhere “office” nodding my head “can I come? I just want to be there for you, I want to know your business, if you don’t mind?” I want to be involved “but what if I’m not doing it right, you’re going to judge me” he is right “but then you learn, it’s ok” he needs to learn.

Chris keeps on looking over at me and then laughing, not sure why but he’s feeling like I am judging him but I’m not at all “how do you like, let me ask this. How do you take care of your family without giving them a job to help you? Like you and your family are good, no jealousy or upset but they live good, if you understand what I mean” why is Chris looking at me like he shy “what is it?” He’s stupid “no just looking but tell me” I chuckled “I don’t hire family, I treat them. When I go to Barbados I buy them gifts, I never have my family struggle at all. If they were I would want to know how to help, I learned giving money is a no. It doesn’t help, they do live good, and I do bring them on holiday and things but hiring family gets messy, even friends. I rather hire a person I don’t know then family. Worst mistake same goes for friends. I do spoil them, if they have a venture then I will help them with it and they know it. This is why I asked and said if they have a venture help them but hand on heart, after I heard they fucked your supplier up I wouldn’t give them shit, so why did you leave them in Vegas? For what? To have fun” Chris’ eyes widened “erm no” the erm speaks volumes “erm yes, don’t stick up for people like that Chris; they are playing with your money, so when something fucked up happens it will be Chris Brown’ friends messed up, never them. Your name and then mine, you need to be lethal, they will learn. The hardest part for you is maybe letting go and it is for me with my dad so I understand but now I am a wife and mother to be, I know where my loyalty lies and if my child or husband comes in harm’s way by my dad then I will cut him off, he can hurt me but not my family and trust me Chris I am waiting for that moment, I had to become this way or I would be taken advantage of and broke I guess” I didn’t want Chris to think I’m a hypocrite by saying that “I understand, so how would I do it. Telling them?” Good question “take them out for a meal, but Chris I have a feeling in my heart you’re covering up for them. They were in Vegas for nothing, and you left them there. I saw their posts, if I know they are using us as a pass into things, I won’t be happy. Nobody does that” Chris’ face went so small like I struck a nerve and I just know this game; I have lived through it and I don’t play at all.

Chris has been quiet ever since “so who is Deja?” I asked, he is answering her emails “she is working with my social media, since she started the page it has been super lit, there is three of them and they are answering service stuff, Neima and Cena are making a website which will be live soon” nodding my head “ok, that is fine. What to do with that, do a good launch. Freebies and stuff, entice people. I will promote it too; it’s your big day Chris so tell me when. I can you know be at your event, I mean not really but if you do a little IG live I can be on it, Chris it’s a big step. Be excited for it, so erm” I paused thinking “have you announced that website coming soon?” He nodded his head “ok, now post it on your personal page how excited you are. Just announce there is a surprise to come, I will figure something out for you. Let me just help you ok?” He was about to speak “but I am not with you to use your name” putting my hand up “stop, just let me help you and say there is a surprise, but I will think about what to do ok? Now discuss this with your team, your new team. I am going to find Mel, show her our baby, show her how active it is” getting up from the chair “you’re going to do good Chris; I just know it. I will help you” touching the top of his head before I walked off, he worries too much what people will thing when he shouldn’t “actually Chris, I have one. I will design a piece of clothing, limited edition” I winked at him, that just came to mind so quick there. That will help him a lot, they will eat that up, well my fans will anyways but then people will start buying and like his stuff because I do, he makes good stuff.

In no way shape or form am I being selfish with Robyn or declining what she wants to do for me but I wanted to kind of do it in my own but the more I realise, the more things are explained to me, the more hard this is to do on your own without the right backing which I have, with Robyn. I have Drake to fall on too also, I will contact him actually to help but I just need to get over this Barry and TJ shit “you’re here” Barry made his way into my office, looking up from my lap “you seem really down for a nigga that just saw his baby throwing up gang signs” I snorted laughing “gang signs, nigga” dapping him “I just saw the scan photos, cute bro. Baby is really claiming westside already” watching him sit down “thank you, I am excited for when the baby is here, just tired. If I am a little quiet” Barry looked around the office “you spending time with Mel then?” I mean what else if he here for “yeah, lay the pipe and leave” he laughed “that was your saying, don’t give me that look. She likes a chunky nigga with a big dick, what can I say” shaking my head “if you’re speaking like that then close the office door, what did you do in Vegas when I went?” I asked but I know what happened of course, I am not stupid “we were at your plot and we just were vibing, girls were just passing their numbers. We just living, you know what happened” Barry pointed at me “how many?” Barry cackled “yo, the girls were good” I sighed out “bro, leave Mel alone please. Just leave her, I don’t think you should be doing this to her. She is a good woman” Barry pulled a face at me “right I see you have your life in order, you’re married and everything. Just stay out of single folk business bro, come on” kissing my teeth “it is my business Barry, Mel is practically a sister to Robyn and if she finds out Robyn will know that I know! She fucking will, I am asking you as my friend to leave her alone” Barry knows I mean it now “just like that huh? We had sex and she’s a bad bitch you know these caribbean women love sex, you don’t know her sexually Chris, she sucked me off on the first time you know chicks like that stick, she is ok with it” he is a liar “bro I am telling you now, it ends here. You nicely say to her that I am not ready to settle, that is Robyn’ sister and I know this will upset her, and I thought you wouldn’t just be a dickhead about it, you got to stop and stop talking like that you dickhead! You know my wife’ background so shut the fuck up” Barry looks annoyed with me.

I need to speak up about it, I won’t say it to them, but he needs to stop this thing “right, so you’re upset about something that has nothing to do with you, why can’t you just keep your nose out of it right. I am having fun, she is too” he is funny “so she knows you’re having sex with other women? So I can just go up to her and tell and she will know?” he knows damn well that Mel doesn’t know shit “Chris, look. You are my brother, just let me have fun” punching the desk “Barry! You fucking listen to me, you drop it. She is a decent girl and doesn’t deserve this ego you have got right now; in her delusional mind she thinks you’re a good man! Not knowing you’re telling me she is a easy fuck! Fucking leave her or we going to have problems!” I shouted at him because I lost my temper, is he being fucking real right now with everything he is saying, playing girls like that “is everything ok here?” Mel and Robyn walked in “yeah, just having boys talk, right Barry?” he is angry, I know my friend “yes” sitting back in my seat “what are you both doing here?” I questioned “just Mel is going out with Barry now and I just come here to see your face” rolling my eyes playfully “miss me that much, my mom loved the photos. She is emotional about it, good looking out telling me to send them” my mother is so overjoyed, thanks to Robyn telling me to send them to her.

I was going to go for a nap, but Robyn sent me a text message saying come upstairs, that her back hurting so I guess I better make my way upstairs and help my baby to sleep. Walking up the steps while looking out of the window, my back yard is so damn beautiful. I really love it here, it’s so peaceful. Clearing my throat as I made my way to the bedroom, I think we need to start fixing the bedroom next door to ours for our baby. A smile grew on my face, just pure excitement hit me because I am about to be a whole daddy, I already love the baby “I am here” opening the bedroom door “you good?” closing the door behind me “oh you stood up now? You just text me that your back hurt and here I am, we can nap together” squinting my eyes “wait, you didn’t have makeup on before?” I pointed “I like how you notice poppa, I got dressed up for you. But” she dragged out undoing her robe, raising an eyebrow as Robyn took off her robe exposing her naked bottom, my breathing hitched “damn” I breathed out, she looks so beautiful naked “you look so good Robyn” it went straight to my dick, I felt it flinch already. Walking over to Robyn “your body is amazing Robyn, every part of it. You are really carrying our child, which makes you amazing” rubbing her bump with the back of my hand staring into her eyes, leaning down to Robyn and pressing a kiss to her lips and then moved away from her lips to cheek and down to her neck.

Our eyes met and held when I stepped forward and grabbed Robyn, pulling her body back to the edge of the bed. Licking my lips, I can’t help but touch her bump “you good with me touching your bump?” lightly touching “yes” Robyn placed her hand over mine “just makes me so happy to know how much you care” biting my bottom lip, moving my hand back and leaning down. The head of my erection pressed against the entrance of her sex and I am ready to be buried deep inside of her, it has been so long. I plan on slowly pushing myself all the way to the hilt and fill her completely. Spreading her legs wide and pushing them back into the air “you good?” I asked, I have too “yes, it’s ok Chris” I held on to her ankles and slid inside of her “damn!” Robyn spat, my groan was deep and long when she gripped my member and tighten around me. My hips barely moved forward; my rhythm is so slow. My eyes are locked on my dick sliding in and out of her. I enjoy watching myself disappear deep inside of her, it amazes me how stimulating such a thing as watching yourself stroke in and out of my wife could be. My eyes gazed up when I heard Robyn moan, her voice was caught in her throat, and all she could do was look up at me with begging eyes “faster” she wants me to go faster, to stroke a little deeper, to push a little harder. This agonizingly slow speed I was serving her was beginning to drive her mad clearly “I have to be nice” is Robyn crazy, we have to be good and not crazy about this.

I stared down at her face, loving each priceless expression she made. The ruffle between her eyebrows, the wrinkle of her nose, how tight her eyes were clenched shut, and what really turned me on, the way her tongue brushed across her bottom lip before pulling it back inside her mouth and biting down. It drove me wild, awaking the beast inside of me, but I had to contain myself. I fought the urge to flip her over and drive into her, something I really wanted to do, but I couldn't. I have my baby to think of now, I have to be good. Pulling out of her and thrust back inside of her and picked up my speed. Finding a natural rhythm, each stroke was filled with passion. Letting go of her ankles, I gripped her hips and piston into her. The bed rocked back and forth as Robyn gripped me and released, gripped me and release. My speed picked up more and my head fell back in ecstasy. It has been so long since sex “oh fuck!” I shouted; I know I will come early because it’s been too damn long since.

She came, I came. We both came hard. With a raspy grunt, we remained connected, our climax still slowly riding through us. I fell forward and placed my hands on either side of her, sucking down on her neck. My open mouth kisses moved across her ear "I love you" I started moving my hips again “my man always hard huh” I grinned “for you” nuzzling her nose, I am hard as hell for Robyn and always will, look how beautiful she looks under me “if I wasn’t already pregnant I would be” I didn’t even leave Robyn, I just can’t believe how hard I am still “you feel weird?” Robyn asked, placing her hand on my chest “a little, I would have flipped you over and fucked you so bad” kissing Robyn’ lips as I thrusted into her.

[iamrealbuilder]

Bill Buchalter interview

Bill Buchalter was a level designer for Sunstorm Interactive. He’s worked on 3 official add-on of Build Engine games: Cryptic Passage for Blood, Suckin’ Grits On Route 66 for Redneck Rampage, Caribbean Life for Duke Nukem 3D. Interview, November 2020: Corentin: Can you introduce yourself?

Bill Buchalter: My name is Bill Buchalter. I’m an avid gamer of all kinds – video games, board games, and especially tabletop RPGs. I’m currently a freelance writer for AAW Games (Adventure A Week Games) writing mini adventures for Dungeons & Dragons 5E. I live outside Indianapolis, IN with my wife Jane, our three kids, and our dog Roxi. When I’m not gaming, I also enjoy music, playing guitar, hiking, and camping.

C: With Sunstorm Interactive, you're credited for level design on Cryptic Passage, Caribbean Life and Route 66. How did you start working with Sunstorm and what do you remember from that time?

BB: In the mid 90’s, maybe around 1995 or 96, I was very into playing Duke Nukem 3D. Like most PC gamers at the time, I had played Castle Wolfenstein and Doom, and Duke Nukem just blew me away. Back in those days, when we played online, we would use a 3rd party program called KALI. You dialed up on your modem, logged onto the internet, and then used KALI as a portal to chat with other gamers and find someone to play with. The KALI software would then allow you to network together over the internet and play PVP matches. It was crude, and the lag could be horrible, but we didn’t know any better at the time and we loved it!

I remember I was in a B. Dalton bookstore in the mall one day (another relic of the 90’s that is long gone!) when I found a book called the “Duke Nukem 3D Level Design Handbook”. I was intrigued, and as I flipped through the pages it talked about a program on the Duke Nukem CD called Build, which allowed you to create your own levels. I had no idea Build existed, let alone how to use it. I bought the book and spent the next couple weeks diving into learning how to use Build. I was hooked!

Making my own maps quickly became an obsession. I would share them with my friends on KALI and I quickly earned a reputation for making user maps. I remember there was a map building competition, but I don’t recall who sponsored it. A guy named Robert Travis won the competition. When I saw his maps, I was blown away! His designs were so much more advanced than mine. He was using tricks I had never thought of to get lighting effects and set moods. I had to reach out to him to pick his brain.

Robert responded and we began talking and quickly figured out that we both lived in Indianapolis. He was working for Sunstorm at the time and invited me to come to their office to discuss level design. I met him there one evening, and he showed me some of the stuff he was working on. We ended up playing Duke all night on Sunstorm’s network with some of the other guys in the office. I was in heaven!

Robert introduced me to Anthony Campiti, the lead producer on Sunstorm’s next project – Cryptic Passage, an add-on for a Build engine game called Blood. They invited me to design some levels for the game and I jumped at the chance. Robert assigned me to design an opera house level and immediately I got pictures in my head of the theater scenes from Interview with a Vampire. I went home and worked furiously on designing the level. I was still rough, but with Robert’s help I tweaked things here and there and slowly learned his techniques. In the end I was really pleased with the level I’d designed. Robert and Anthony were happy too and asked me to design a second map specifically for deathmatch.

The next project Sunstorm was working on was Suckin’ Grits on Route 66, an add-on for another Build engine game called Redneck Rampage. Robert again asked if I’d like to be a part of that team and assigned me to build a truck stop level. Using a lot of the things I’d learned on Cryptic Passage, and the campy feel of the Redneck Rampage game, I had a lot of fun designing that level.

The last project I worked on for Sunstorm was Duke Nukem Caribbean Vacation. By this time Duke’s popularity was beginning to wane, and Quake was taking over. Robert was already starting to experiment and learn how to use the Quake engine. I was a new dad at the time (my first daughter had just been born) so unfortunately, I didn’t have the spare time to devote to learning a new engine. I barely had the time to design my level for Duke Caribbean, but I did manage to finish the casino level for that project. I do recall that Robert ended up going through in the end and changing a lot of the aspects of my level to fit the theme they had in mind. I remember being a bit disappointed and not really feeling like the level was “mine” because of so many of the changes. It was the last project I worked on for Sunstorm.

I kept in touch with Robert and Anthony for a while after that. They were branching out, working on other projects, and even trying to develop their own FPS game that I don’t think ever really got off the ground. Sunstorm was having the most success with their Deer Hunter line of games that at the time were selling well in Wal-Mart. Sadly, I eventually just lost touch with those guys.

I’m sure this is WAY more information than you were wanting (I’m a writer… I can’t help but go off the deep end!) but you dusted off some fond, old memories for me, so I apologize for walking so far down memory lane!

C: I see that you're still making maps, different kind of maps! This makes me wonder if maybe you were involved with W!Zone (a pack of maps for Warcraft 2 released by Sunstorm). Can you tell us a bit about that if possible?

BB: I didn’t have any hand in the W!Zone project for Sunstorm, but I loved the Warcraft series. As was common for many video gamers like me, who had roots in fantasy games like D&D, I played a lot of Warcraft and eventually got sucked into the world of MMOs with Ultima Online, Everquest, and World of Warcraft! If only I had back the time I sunk into those games!

These days I’m exclusively writing and designing for Dungeons and Dragons. I started about ten years ago writing for D&D Organized Play in a campaign called Living Forgotten Realms. I co-authored two adventures for that with my good friend, Michael Pearman, and authored a third adventure on my own. As you know from tracking me down via AAW Games, I’ve now authored six adventures for them, five of which are already published and one that is still in the works but should be released soon.

When I do manage to find time for video games, Diablo III is my game of choice these days. I’m looking forward to Season 22 starting here shortly, and like many others, I’m really hoping for something great with Diablo IV. I’ve been a huge fan of the series since the beginning, and even wrote an entire campaign for D&D 5E that translated the story of Diablo III into Dungeons and Dragons for the players in my home game! Thanks again for the opportunity to share some of this history. It was fun putting it all down and reliving those days!

C: There are two signatures in the Truck Stop level for Route 66. Do you remember anything about that ? There also several levels with no known credit : Fun Park, House of ill Repute, Mystery Dino Cave, Bigfoot Convention.

The signature on the truck stop is Route 66 was a joke! I was the only designer on that one. I just signed it "Billy Joe Jim Bob Buchalter" as a joke for bad redneck name. I wasn't the kind of guy that had to sign my maps the EXACT same way every time. :)

Other than the truck stop, I don't recall designing any other maps for Route 66. I pretty sure none of those you listed below were mine, but I don't recall whose they were.

Finally, here are some final comments Bill made after reading through some forum posts:

Wow, I am really quite humbled that you guys looked so deeply into my work! The fact that you could recognize my build style is pretty cool - I didn't even know I had a style! LOL. The truth be told, the reason you probably had so much trouble telling my levels from Robert's is because he was a big influence on me. I learned a lot from him and incorporated a lot of that into the stuff I built.

Its funny how reading through that thread you linked brought back memories... I remember now that my biggest disappointment from Duke Caribbean was that my only level in the game ended up being a secret level - that some people wouldn't even find it or ever play it. I was actually pretty excited about that level. I was the one that suggested a casino because my folks had retired to Vegas, so I'd been in a lot of the casinos there and had some great ideas for the map. I'd forgotten all about the restaurant I worked into it, and the big fish tanks.

There seems to be some debate about Robert. From what I remember, he was a really good guy. Maybe a bit tough to work for, but only because he really strived for our designs to be the best they could be, and he demanded that of both himself and the other designers. As I said before, I learned early on to accept criticism and critique and not take it personally. It was just Robert doing his job. I'll be the first to admit that I designed better levels thanks to the stuff I learned from Robert.

Someone on the message board made a very astute comment, basically to the effect that "Bill had to have other work out there. Sunstorm wouldn't hire an unproven guy off the street." But truth be told, that's exactly what they did! I hadn't done a single thing before working there. But I think a few things played in my favor. First, I lived in Indy, just 15 minutes from their office, so it was easy for me to go in and work directly with Robert. Second, while I didn't have anything officially published, I did have a disk full of the maps I'd designed on my own, and Robert thought I showed promise. I would design at home a lot, then go into the office a couple times a week and sit with Robert while he critiqued my work and offered advice on how to improve it.

I'll be honest - I'm blown away at the number of people STILL playing these old maps we made so many years ago. I watched a couple YouTube videos of a guy playing and reviewing Duke Caribbean and Blood Cryptic Passage. His high praise of both Full House and the Opera House really made my day. It's nice to know that people enjoyed my work.

_____________________________

Thanks a lot to Bill Buchalter for taking the time to answer these questions! Thanks also for sharing... “Big City” !

A Duke Nukem 3D map he created back in the day before joining with Sunstorm Interactive which was never released before! Screenshot:

Map download:

https://msdn.duke4.net/bigcity.zip

______

External link: Duke4 forum blog megathread: https://forums.duke4.net/topic/11471-blog-interviews-of-build-engine-video-games-developers/page__pid__353013#entry353013 The forum posts Bill read, mentionned above, can be found here: https://forums.duke4.net/topic/9418-duke-caribbean-multiplayer-levels/

[roachvalentine]

47 rosie & cass :3c

prompt - stars.

Embers from the fire lazily drifted upwards, disappearing into the starry night above. Rosie tipped her head back, trying not to notice how the wall behind her crumbled a bit more. She just brushed the dust off her shoulder before pulling the threadbare blanket tighter. It wasn’t that cold, even with the campfire dying down. It was more of a comfort. 

“That fire won’t burn any longer than it wants too.” Out of the corner of her eyes, Rosie watched Cass poke at the campfire. Kicking up the embers to coax out a few more minutes of light and warmth. 

“It tell you that, huh?” Cass eyed her while stoking the fire. It did nothing but cause more embers to float up and away. Rosie just hummed a little response and Cassidy huffed, throwing in the stick. “What are you doing out here anyway?”

“Can’t sleep.” Rosie ducked her head when Cass snorted at such an obvious answer. “Yeah, I know but it’s true. Got too many nerves makin’ their home in my head.”

And a few more came bustling in as Cass came to sit next her. Leaning against the wall, their arms almost touching. If Rosie could work up the courage to just reach out and close the gap. It was nothing at all really. Just the day gone by, Rosie had kissed her! And Cass hadn’t brought it up. So maybe it wasn’t that bad. 

Oh but what if it was… Maybe that was why Cass hadn’t said anything. She was trying to forget it. Or just thought of it as a friendly kiss between friends? Rosie had been affectionate with her friends that felt comfortable with it. What if she was uncomfortable with it? Oh no, was Cass uncomfortable with Rosie? But that would take a lot and-  

“-Rosie.” Cass’s voice cut through the wave of thoughts that crashed through her mind and Rosie blinked. “If you’re drinking, you better start sharing with me.” 

“Hm? Sorry, got a bit tangled up.” Rosie smiled sheepishly before her eyes caught Cass’s and her breath caught. “Um, can you- can you say again? I promise I’m listening.” 

“You’re really lucky.” Cass shook her head. “I said, what do you even have to worry about? I watched you flash that sweet smile of yours to Alice MacLaffery, talk about shit all until the sun went down. Which was confusing as all hell, even knowing you had a plan. And as soon as the room was cleared, break into that safe faster than I can down a bottle. 

“Then somehow, you manage to get into the backroom of the Silver Rush? I tried to ask Arcade but he was no help, just played dumb and told me he didn’t see anything. I’m pretty sure he’s lying but I can’t tell.”

That sweet smile of yours… The thought settled in and warmed Rosie. Her heart skipped a beat, or two. She wanted to ask what other things Cass liked about her. If she had a list or was it just little things that floated around her like fireflies. Glowing in her ribcage and encouraging her heart to speed up. Rosie wanted to know if Cass thought about her like she did. Hummed along with the songs that Mr New Vegas played, imagining she was singing them to her. 

The last one was probably just Rosie. 

“Well yeah, I was doing those things for you. Uh, what I mean to say is that it’s easier to do things for other folks. I can just shove those nerves away because someone else is dependin’ on me. But what’s makin’ me nervous. Well, it’s all on me. You don’t have to worry.” 

Rosie’s lips felt warm, just thinking about the kiss from yesterday. It was such a small thing! But as it connected with all the rest of her complicated feelings, it seemed a lot bigger. She wanted to shake away the thoughts but they were stuck tight. 

“Now you know I don’t listen.” Cass leaned closer, a smirk playing around the edges of her lips. It gave Rosie the sudden urge to take a hold of Cass’s face and ask her quietly if she could kiss her again, for real. She’d just bark out a laugh, telling her that if Rosie didn’t kiss her then there’d be trouble. 

And they’d kiss. And Cass would tangle her fingers in Rosie’s hair and their noses would bump. Hands would pull the other closer, slipping under fabric in search of skin and they’d quietly gasp at the contact. When they’d break, the fire would have burned out completely. Their foreheads together and they’d both suck in heavy breaths, needing air. 

“But if that shithead tries anything, he won’t get very far.”

“Pardon?” Rosie blinked at Cass, trying to dispel the last moments from her, ahem, imagination. Even if some of it stubbornly clung. But she was able to pull up a name. “Oh, you mean Benny?” 

“Yeah, him. I was wondering why we’d be hanging around this place for so long but, what with you being nervous. Makes sense.” 

It did? Rosie opened her mouth to set the record straight but snapped it shut again. Because, sure Rosie was a little nervous about having to walk into The Tops to face the person who shot her and left her for dead. In a shallow grave. Without thinking, her hand lifted to touch the scar on her forehead. But that was a different set of nerves that weaved through her mind. The kind that made her palms sweat and her chest tight. Something she had felt before but couldn’t remember why. 

But these nerves she got when thinking of Cass. They were silly and small, her face warmed with even the smallest of gestures. The almost kiss of sharing a drink from the same bottle, the way Cass gently held her steady when Rosie needed help to stand up and the chill that sets in when her hand was gone. The moments after a fight, after the dust has settled, when they both check each other for injuries. In the heavy silence, there was something almost intimate that wasn’t there with anyone else. 

Rosie didn’t know how to explain all of that, so she just nodded. “Thanks, Cass. It’s good to know that I’ve got folks lookin’ out for me.” Pulling the blanket off her shoulders, Rosie spread it out over both of their legs. “Back home, when I couldn’t sleep, one of my dads would take me out to look at the stars. He’d point out the constellations and tell me the stories behind them. He, uh, used to have some pre war books about them, not that I ever saw them. But it helped, so I can’t really complain.” 

“Hm, I just stole a bottle of whiskey and slept where I fell.” Cass laughed and bumped her shoulder into Rosie’s. “But if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll listen to the star stories.” 

“Really?” Rosie sat up straighter and flashed a smile at Cass. “Alright, I’m holdin’ you to it. Over there is Ursa major…”

[tabloidtoc]

National Enquirer, November 2

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Jealous O.J. Simpson killed Nicole Brown over sizzling photos 

Page 2: Melanie Griffith was caught in lockdown meltdown mode outside her Los Angeles home yelling at an unsuspecting laborer and giving him a good working over after he somehow crossed her bath and pushed her buttons but it doesn’t take much to get Mel to blow these days because she’s upset about two things which are getting old and not having a man in her life 

Page 3: Lisa Marie Presley’s son Ben Keough’s tragic last moments were caught on tape as he argued with his girlfriend according to the coroner’s report on his suicide and security camera footage also captured the eerie sound of an apparent gunshot said the officer who viewed the tape -- Ben had hosted a party for his girlfriend Diana Pinto then about 4 a.m. the 27-year-old musician went to his bedroom; two hours later Diana went to check on him and had to jimmy the bedroom door lock with a bobby pin and she discovered his body and called 911 but Ben was pronounced dead at the scene -- since his death a devastated Lisa Marie has blamed herself for not intervening sooner; Ben had been to rehab several months before and Lisa Marie could see he was struggling with drugs and depression and she has kept a close eye on Ben’s gravesite with Graceland’s surveillance system 

Page 4: Anne Heche’s shocking public pronouncement that she wants to reunite with former galpal Ellen DeGeneres was met with fury from Ellen wife Portia de Rossi -- Ellen and Anne were Hollywood’s highest-profile lesbian couple when they dated for three years before their bitter split in 2000 and they haven’t spoken since but Anne announced after her elimination on Dancing with the Stars that she would love to appear on The Ellen DeGeneres Show but Portia has made it clear she wants Anne nowhere near her wife and she believes Anne is using Ellen to drum up publicity for herself, lonely Ryan Seacrest is longing for a reunion with former flame Shayna Taylor but she wants no part of him -- workaholic Ryan announced the combustible couple’s third split in June after eight on-and-off years together -- Ryan’s obsession with being the next Dick Clark tests the patience of everybody around him and it’s made him a nightmare to be in a relationship with as Shayna found out firsthand -- Ryan seemed so cocky and sure that breaking up was the right thing to do but not having Shayna there to lean on has really gotten to him however Shayna is refusing to be played for a fool 

Page 5: Kelly Clarkson made a massive mistake dumping husband Brandon Blackstock according to famed numerologist Glynis McCants 

Page 6: Doting dad Kanye West is spoiling oldest daughter North rotten and it’s causing even more problems between him and wife Kim Kardashian because Kim feels North is getting too spoiled but Kanye won’t hear any of it because North is his firstborn and his princess and he treats her like it -- North is regularly served breakfast in bed on a silver tray and gets whatever she wants even if it’s waffles with strawberries and ice cream and she also has a team of beauticians and a stylist to cater to her every need as though she was a full-grown woman and her wardrobe is extensive and expensive and she never wears the same designer outfit twice plus North also loves to shop online for jewelry and Kanye gives her his credit card and she can spend $100,000 in a single sitting and Kanye just thinks it’s cute 

Page 7: Daring Jill Duggar and husband Derick Dillard are rebelling against her conservative parents and causing a full-scale family war as the couple has publicly defied Baptist patriarch Jim Bob Duggar several times since their 2014 marriage and now they’ve been banned from the 19 Kids and Counting reality clan; Jim Bob’s even demanded that their neighbors have nothing to do with them -- Jill and Derick drew Jim Bob’s fury after criticizing her parents’ conservative views and shutting down their own family factory after having two sons and said they’re stopping there for now unlike Jill’s folks who had 19 kids, dog lover Jennifer Aniston adores her new rescue puppy but potty-training the pooch has been the pits so desperate Jen had to sign up her new pup Lord Chesterfield for private lessons with a dog trainer -- she has two other dogs Clyde and Sophie but they’re well-behaved and know to do their business outdoors and Jen loves them all but she forgot how much work it is to train a puppy 

Page 8: Prince Harry’s wife Meghan Markle revealed her private battle with depression as her struggles with first-time motherhood and fitting in with the rigid royal family pushed her over the edge but Queen Elizabeth thinks her conniving confession is simply a ploy to sully the monarchy -- Meghan described the emotional pain caused by criticism as a death by a thousand cuts and said if people are saying things about you that aren’t true what that does to your mental and emotional health is so damaging -- Queen Elizabeth believes Meghan’s confession is a calculated attack on the monarchy and Meghan is acting like the royals waged a war against her but Meghan and Harry’s actions since they quit have infuriated Her Majesty because Meghan keeps orchestrating situations where she takes center stage appearing to support and put the spotlight on those in need but she turns them all into opportunities to talk about herself and how hard her struggle is

Page 9: Rattled Tyra Banks’ rocky start on Dancing with the Stars has her looking for a way to waltz off the show and she is already trying to back out of hosting because she hates the criticism she’s been getting from virtually everyone plus she’s unpopular with the contestants and is bickering behind the scenes with producers who now regret replacing longtime hosts Tom Bergeron and Erin Andrews -- ratings have also plummeted since Tyra took the helm with the show losing more than a million viewers in early October from the same week in 2019

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Gwen Stefani during a photo session in Calabasas, Tiffany Haddish used a leaf blower during a skit on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, Justin Bieber on a scooter in Beverly Hills, Zosia Mamet donned a unicorn horn as she wrapped the final scenes of The Flight Attendant, Robert Pattinson and Colin Farrell on the Liverpool set of The Batman 

Page 11: John Oliver’s jokey jabs have earned him a crappy honor from the town of Danbury in Connecticut -- after he ragged on tony Danbury on his show Mayor Mark Boughton vowed to rename its sewage plant after him and now it’s official that the Danbury Sewage Plant is now the John Oliver Memorial Sewage Plant and as promised John is donating $55,000 to local charities which has spurred fundraising efforts for local food banks and Boughton is offering tours of the plant for $500 donations to local food pantries, ailing Phil Collins was rocked by ex-wife Orianne’s betrayal and pals fear he won’t make it to Christmas -- the singer was shocked when it emerged that Orianne who he’d divorced in 2006 and reunited with a decade later married another man in Las Vegas and the stunning news prompted him to serve an eviction notice to get her out of his Miami home and his life for good but Orianne refused to leave

Page 12: Straight Shuter -- Nev Schulman on roller blades in an L.A. parking lot (picture), Eboni K. Williams only landed the gig on The Real Housewives of New York City because she co-hosts State of the Culture on Sean Diddy Combs’ Revolt TV cable network and Bravo is desperate to get famous New Yorkers on the show so cameras will be following Eboni around at work hoping to catch Diddy, with Keeping Up with the Kardashians ending E! is looking for the next big reality family and it may be Sylvester Stallone’s daughters Sophia and Sistine and Scarlet Stallone who are all models and not one has a sex tape, with Bravo boss Andy Cohen and axed Housewife NeNe Leakes at war their mutual friends are being forced to pick sides -- Andy gave NeNe access to his famous non-reality show friends and now he’s regretting it -- Kelly Ripa and Anderson Cooper are all Team Andy

Page 13: Kris Kristofferson is battling Alzheimer’s disease and has been forced to retire from singing and acting but the songwriter is in the best place he can be at his home in Maui with family and friends who are surrounding him with love and support, frantic Kate Gosselin is feeling a financial pinch and ready to take a bath on her house by putting her $1.2 million mansion on the market for a measly $815,000 because she’s been struggling with money because she hasn’t worked in a while and living off the money she made in past 

Page 14: Crime 

Page 15: Marie Osmond was blue over being booted from The Talk but husband Steve Craig gave her something to get over it which was a stunning pair of opal and tanzanite earrings worth nearly $3000, Megan Thee Stallion cheated death when she was shot twice in July and is now using the terrifying incident as a platform to empower Black women and she wrote an op-ed saying the attack proved she and other Black women are not protected as human beings -- fellow rapper Tory Lanez was charged with the shooting that left two flesh-shredding wounds in Megan’s feet and allegedly took place after they argued in an SUV in Hollywood Hills 

Page 16: Cover Story -- Rampaging O.J. Simpson was driven into a kill-crazy rage after seeing photos of his ex-wife Nicole Brown Simpson dating hunky young boytoys and flaunting her body in modeling shots -- 25 years after the disgraced football star’s 1995 acquittal intimate images from Nicole’s secret photo album including a picture of the blond beauty posing topless with lover Brett Shaves is believed to have given the jealous ex-jock a motive for murder 

Page 18: American Life -- I found a $1M diamond in the rough 

Page 19: John Travolta paid tribute to wife Kelly Preston on what would have been her 58th birthday three months after tragic death following a secret two-year battle with breast cancer -- John addressed his late love in a touching Instagram post featuring an image from their 1991 wedding day alongside a picture of his own parents as newlyweds, sci-fi legend George Takei has fired yet another shot at former Star Trek castmate William Shatner as the aging actors’ war of words continues to rage on well into their 80s -- George who played Sulu claimed Shatner was jealous of the amount of fan mail received by their late co-star Leonard Nimoy who played Spock but Captain Kirk shot off a testy response and claimed George was making things up and the only person with jealousy is George -- when told Shatner’s comments George calmly remarked that you can tell by those words that he is upset to put it mildly 

Page 20: In a rerun of their long-running rivalry Madonna and Mariah Carey are prepping dueling biopics -- their cold war dates back to the ‘90s but Mariah ramped up their feud when she revealed the very exciting prospect of her biopic but that followed Madonna’s announcement that she was collaborating on her own script -- they’re each obsessed with getting their film out first and getting the right It Girl to play her so the other one doesn’t grab her first

Page 21: Elton John and ex-wife Renate Blauel agreed to zip their lips about their four-year marriage and privately settled her $3.8 million lawsuit over claims he blabbed about their relationship in his memoir Me and the movie Rocketman, Stevie Nicks admitted her insomnia has gotten so bad that she needs therapy or needs someone to hit her on the head with a hammer -- she’s long been nocturnal and it used to be she could sleep from 5 a.m. to 1 p.m. but now says she doesn’t nod off until 8 a.m., singer Amy Winehouse died in 2011 but her dad claimed he still can’t get her out of his house -- former taxi driver Mitch Winehouse who is working on a movie and stage show about the late singer insisted he’s regularly visited by his daughter’s ghost who comes and sits at the end of his bed -- Mitch also said Amy helps around the house in his dreams 

Page 26: Niecy Nash’s new bride Jessica Betts has a nightmarish criminal past according to police reports -- Jessica was arrested twice in Chicago once for domestic battery and then for selling a gun to a minor

Page 28: Stars Who Refuse to Zip It -- cringeworthy confessions and nasty habits and more -- Jennifer Love Hewitt, Megan Fox, Al Roker, Olivia Wilde 

Page 29: Kristen Stewart on Robert Pattinson, John Mayer, Lady Gaga, Suzanne Somers 

Page 32: Demi Lovato’s relentless ex Max Ehrich refuses to let her go and her friends are worried he’s turning into a stalker -- since their breakup he’s been particularly creepy, Tatum O’Neal’s confession that she was ready to jump off the balcony of a Los Angeles home was actually a desperate cry for help -- Tatum was reportedly put on a psychiatric hold at a local hospital after the alleged incident and the event signaled she was in unbearable emotional and physical pain and she feels lost and rejected because she was the youngest Oscar winner ever and now she has trouble finding a job and lost all confidence in herself 

Page 34: India Oxenberg has confessed she was afraid of former NXIVM cult master Allison Mack of TV’s Smallville -- India found herself Allison’s slave and realized she was being groomed as a sexual partner for NXIVM leader Keith Raniere and she was branded with Raniere’s initials in her pelvic regions, a disturbing TV interview in England has sparked new fears for the well-being on boxer Mike Tyson -- Mike looked like the train wreck he was when he was plowing through drugs and was sent to prison in the early ‘90s; he looked barely conscious as he slurred his speech and offered incoherent responses -- Tyson blamed his interview on lack of sleep and insisted his contact with drugs is now limited to growing and smoking pot on his California ranch 

Page 36: Health Watch

Page 42: Red Carpet -- Zendaya 

Page 45: Spot the Differences -- Debbie Matenopoulos on Home and Family 

[independentartistbuzz]

7 FROM THE WOMEN: LIZA GRABOWSKI FROM THE NORMAL LIVING

7 From The Women is a segment here on Independent Artist Buzz where we ask some of the industries finest seven questions. During this time of accusations and the lack thereof, we think it’s important to give women a voice. We chose to ask seven questions to honor the seven Wiccan clans.

Liza Grabowski is a vocalist and guitarist in one of our favorite bands, The Normal Living. From NJ on the edges of NYC, the band blends urban ideas and images with rock and roll, Americana, and folk-rock sounds, while summoning the fun of pop. With singer-songwriter roots and bar-band beginnings, their influences are eclectic, ranging from Carole King, Springsteen, and U2 to the Killers, Arcade Fire, Jenny Lewis, and Neko Case, from Fleetwood Mac, and Heart to Patty Griffin and the Dixie Chicks, helping to carry on the story of American rock and roll songwriting in the millennial age.

What have you been working to promote lately?

First of all, thank you so much for having me for this interview! I love what your site does for independent musicians, and I love how this series features and supports women artists.

Right now, my band (The Normal Living) is about to release some tracks that I’m really proud of as a woman, as a thirty-something, and as an independent artist. The first single from this new record is called “How It All Went Down,” releasing on Oct. 25. This song is really special to us. It was a full collaborative effort in writing, arranging, and eventually producing this track (with producer Chris Badami of Portrait Recordings in NJ). It’s a powerful, up-tempo song, with a big rock sound, driving guitars, beautiful piano, and female vocals and harmonies. It’s told in part from the perspective of a mother, and it’s mostly a portrait of a family after a crisis, and how you move on from that. The song kind of builds emotionally, with sort of a cathartic release at the end, when the floodgates open and you can finally attempt to deal with unfathomable grief you’ve held inside for so long, for years and years maybe. Motherhood was central to me emotionally while writing it—my favorite line in the song is “Holding up to the light everything that I taught her”—but it’s also broader than that. It’s really about how any community struggles to come to terms with trauma, loss, and grief. As a band, with this new set of songs that we’ve been working on, we’re trying to explore themes of storytelling, narrative, and memory.

Please tell us about your favorite song written, recorded, or produced by another woman and why it’s meaningful to you.

I think if I had to pick one song that was my favorite song by a woman, I think I might go to Carole King’s “Natural Woman” for that. I remember my mom and dad bought Tapestry for me for my birthday when we first got a CD player. I’m pretty sure it was 1987, because they also bought me True Blue, Tiffany, and Out of the Blue at the same time. And I guess I was a little bit young for the themes, but I remember just loving it. Not in the same way I loved True Blue—which also felt grown up to me, but in a more salacious, edgy way—with Tapestry, I loved it the way you love an old doll or a cozy bed. I loved her raw vulnerable voice—and I remember that it stirred something in me about womanhood that the pop music of the day wasn’t doing in the same way. When I listened to Tapestry for the first time, I already knew the Aretha version of “Natural Woman.” But King’s vocal on that song, on the album, just sort of blew my mind in a way. It was the first time I realized that a “song” was not equivalent to the recording of a song—that a song is this living breathing thing that could be a vehicle for extremely personal intimacy. Even though I knew the lyrics and the melody already from the Aretha version, when I listened to King sing it, I felt like I was hearing something so brand new. Both versions are so amazing; that’s what I think was so mind-blowing to me at the time.

What does it mean to you to be a woman making music / in the music business today, and do you feel a responsibility to other women to create messages and themes in your music?

I do—more so now as a mother, I think. My daughter is 4, and as a writer and a singer, I think about her all the time. What do I want for her, and what would I tell myself if I was 4 again? To every woman, young or middle aged or older, I feel a responsibility—both in my songwriting and in my own persona—to represent women as strong and empowered. But I also think it’s really important to show women characters as vulnerable and flawed and real. Maybe some days you feel like a queen, but maybe other days you feel hopeless and messy and frazzled. It’s ok. It’s ok to feel both and inhabit both spaces. You’re a real person with real feelings, and you’re not made to be looked at or objectified—you have agency and emotions and ideas that have value. I think that being a woman artist, you do have to step back sometimes to be aware of all the crap we’ve internalized from growing up in a patriarchal society. There’s one song of mine that always triggers a self-reflexive feminist critique. It’s called “Time Out, New York,” from our first EP, Less Radio. On the surface, it’s very much a portrait of a woman sitting on the sidelines, cheering on her boyfriend on stage from the back of the bar. But when I perform it now, I try to be wry and sort of ironically meta about it, knowing that I’m the one on stage singing the song. From the song’s inception, I have always imagined doing a video in which the gender roles are reversed, depicting a woman on stage, singing about a man on stage, while her partner watches her from the bar. I also sometimes imagine queering it a bit and changing the lyrics to be a woman singing about another woman. I’m not sure if I’m trying to salvage a not-so-feminist lyric that I’m a little self-conscious about, or if there are really genuine layers of irony in the song about a male performer, viewed through a female gaze, that’s written and performed by a woman. (I’m hoping it’s the latter!) In any case, yes, it’s something I’m always thinking about, and growing as an artist as I grow as a human being navigating adulthood.

What is the most personal thing you have shared in your music or in your artist brand as it relates to being female?

Honestly, I think sometimes just being onstage in and of itself as a woman musician is one of the most personal things to share. It makes you vulnerable and takes courage, especially if you don’t fit the traditional mold of a pop star or a rock star or a celebrity. I consciously battle my insecurities about my body, my age, how I look, and how I sound every single time I go on a stage or in front of a camera. I try to remember what’s important as an artist is being brave and doing the things that scare you, to put your art out into the world, to tell stories, even if you have to go out of your comfort zone to do that.

What female artists have inspired you and influenced you?

I’m trying to think back on my musical journey as a child, because I have been alive to witness four decades of music. And I watched MTV from the very beginning, so music videos and images of rock and pop stars were extremely foregrounded for me. I also was fortunate to be raised by music lovers, so I was introduced to a lot of previous decades of rock and pop as well as a child. This is a long and rambling way of saying that I’ve had a ton of female musical influences from all different eras and genres. As a young child, I remember Stevie Nicks, Madonna, Whitney Houston, Heart, The Bangles, The GoGos, Pat Benatar, Patty Smyth, and Debbie Gibson—all of those women were on my horizon when I was a kid from MTV and the radio. From my parents, I was exposed to Carole King, Patti Smith, Joni Mitchell, and 60s girl groups—my mom was a huge fan of the Supremes, and so we listened to a lot of those records.

MTV was really huge in my house in the 80s. I remember singing “Stand Back” by Stevie Nicks with my sister. I remember dancing to Laura Branigan and Whitney Houston songs, belting out “Gloria” and performing “The Greatest Love of All” in my second-grade talent show with a Fisher Price microphone. I embraced all kinds of genres and styles as a child. I just loved the female voice having such a platform, giving representation to women. I obviously didn’t process it in those terms at the time, but I think looking back, that’s exactly what it was that resonated with me. Then as I moved into adolescence, really the 2 biggest influences for me as a musician were Alanis Morrisette and The Dixie Chicks. I just felt that they were writing and playing and performing in ways that broke boundaries for women. Then into my 20s—Jewel was huge for me. I remember really connecting with her story about how she was down to her last dime and playing in cafes and on sidewalks, and I was so inspired by that tenacity. I also really connected with some American folk singer-songwriters at the time too. I was obsessed with Patty Griffin; I discovered her mainly through the Dixie Chicks and just started listening to everything I could of hers. And then I realized that she had done a cover of “Stolen Car” by Bruce Springsteen, who was my favorite artist growing up, and when I heard Patty’s version of it, I just kinda melted into a puddle. I just thought it was so gorgeous, and her take on it from a female perspective just took me to another place. The other person was influential for me in my 20s was Dar Williams; she truly influenced my songwriting in terms of telling stories and also just writing an album that’s cohesive and meaningful. Sheryl Crow was huge for me as a rock vocalist. I think I sang Leaving Las Vegas hundreds of times in my dorm room as a college student, trying to get it perfect and trying to get that mournful but strong rock vocal. Now in this decade, I am really looking to women like Brandi Carlile, Elle King, and Grace Potter as examples of women who are keeping rock alive.  

Who was the first female artist you saw that made you want to create music / be in the business?

The first concert I ever saw was Debbie Gibson when I was six, I believe—or maybe eight, I think, because it was actually the Electric Youth tour that I saw, so maybe I was eight or nine. I had basically memorized Out of the Blue, and then Electric Youth was also a smash for me too. I remember reading articles about her and being so motivated that she arranged, wrote, produced, and performed all of her songs. I said, I want to be like that. I want to DO that. So my sister and brother and I had this black-and-white composition notebook when we were little, and we used to write songs in it. We’d have songwriting sessions where we would write lyrics and jot notes down about the instrumental arrangements, and then we’d perform them for our parents and grandparents. That was one of the earliest times I can remember getting into what it means to produce a song or think about the structure of a song.

If you could form an all-woman super-group who would play in it?

I love this question, because I’m really loving The Highwomen album that came out in September; it’s just so beautiful and all of the women are such powerful energies. I think in my fantasy world, my all-woman super-group would be Elle King, Miranda Lambert, Natalie Maines, and of course me.

Connect with Liza and The Normal Living online via:

https://www.facebook.com/thenormalliving/

https://www.instagram.com/the_normal_living/

https://twitter.com/thenormalliving

https://soundcloud.com/thenormalliving

https://www.youtube.com/user/lmz27

https://www.bandsintown.com/a/2970646-the-normal-living

https://www.songkick.com/artists/6404764-normal-living

https://open.spotify.com/artist/4ftWbprw62ADY9lchhlITg?si=UvY74t_XQj2VnjWvZ3lufQ

https://music.apple.com/us/artist/the-normal-living/592223705

[dreamydream]

Fallout Characters as Vines

Butch: *sitting at a booth eating* I mean, I get complimented all the time- Lone: *bursts out laughing from across the booth* Butch: I do! Lone: *continues laughing*

Six: *puts a pen to their mouth and inhales* *exhales smoke* Blaze it. *points camera to stove* Just kidding it's from my macaroni and cheese~!

Sole: *hands empty water bottle* Here. Mama Murphy: *stares at it for a second* This bitch is empty. Yeet! *lamely throws water bottle to ground*

Rex: *running towards a puddle* Six: You gonna get wet, I ain't gonna take you home, AH he got his damn feet wet now, shit dog...

Deacon: Welcome back to me screaming. AGHHHHHHHH- *takes breath* AGHHHHHHHHHH

Lone: WHAT ARE THOOOOOOOSE?! *motions to shoes* Old Lady Palmer: They are my crocs.

Lone: Sleep?! I don't know nothing about sleep! It's summertime-! James: You better go to bed! Lone: Oh, he caught me...

Sole: Two shots... of vodka. *open vodka bottle and dumps it into glass*

Hancock: Bro, how much money do you have? Sole: 69 caps. Hancock: Oh, you know what that means! Sole: *eyes start to water* I don't have enough money for Nuka Quantum...

Sole: Let me see what you have! Shaun: *runs by and holds up knife* A knife! Sole: NO! *runs after him*

Six: I wanna be a cowboy, baby! Veronica: Hell yeah! Six: *spinning around on old playground equipment with Veronica* I wanna be a cowboy, baby!

Six: Man, you sure do know your bible. Joshua: That's why they call me- ~~BibleMan~~

Six: Wanna hear a chemistry joke? Arcade: ... Six: Is that a no? Arcade: Oh sorry did you want a *looks at camera* reaction? -camera cuts to Six huddled in the bathroom crying-

Lone: Would you rather fight a bunch of kindergartners- Butch: I wanna fight kindergartners. Lone: That's not even the whole- Butch: Those kids are getting slapped-!

Travis: I have a banana peel on the ground and I'm gonna see if it's really slippery like it is in the cartoons. I- *grabs cup of water and instantly slips, slinging water everywhere* UAGHHHHH

Preston: *filming group of radstags eating outside the house* Sole: *sneezes and radstags run off* Preston: Nice, Sole. Sole: I sneezed! Oh, I'm not allowed to sneeze?

Mr. Brotch: Butch has 19 bottles of dish soap, and he gives Paul- Amata: Wait, why does Butch have so many soaps?! Butch: *sitting at a desk surrounded by soap, pouring soap out into hand* MIND YO BUSINESS, AMATA!

Lone: *tries and fails to do a skateboard trick* James: Hey I used to ride skateboard. Lone: Pfft, my dad is such-what?! James: *rides by on skateboard doing a handstand*

Shaun: *holding basketball* Hey, you wanna play? Hancock: Nah, I don't really. Shaun: C'mon... Hancock: Okay, you talked me into it. Shaun: *shoots basketball* Hancock: *viciously slaps it away* Get outta here kid! *slam dunks basketball with Shaun backing away* GAME OVER!!!

Travis: How to pick up girls. *runs at Scarlett and picks her up* Scarlett: AGH GET OFF OF ME! Travis: *trips and falls* OH, FU-

Lone: Daddy can you teach me how to twerk? James: *raises eyebrows* No more tv *unplugs tv* no more computer *shoves computer in trash* We're reading books from now on, little girl. *hands Lone a book*

Arcade: Rex, I'm home. *walks into kitchen to see bloodstain and 'your next' written in blood on fridge* *gasps* This is so wrong... *dips finger in blood and corrects 'your' to 'you're'* There.

Shaun: *standing on ladder* I'm scared, Mom. Sole: Do ya trust me son? *holds out arms* Shaun: Yeah. Sole: C'mon son! Shaun: *falls backwards* Sole: *turns away* Rule number one, never trust anybody!

-Amata and Lone sitting at a table drinking coffee and Butch and Wally pretend to take pictures- Butch: Today we observe two basic white girls in their natural habitat! Whatever you do, don't touch the- Wally: *grabs a coffee and runs off* Butch: *gasps* Are you crazy?!

James: Someone called me a dilf at work today. Lone: Oh, that was so cool- James: No, it wasn't. Lone: YEAH

Shaun: Yeet! Sole: *walks into room* Eat, eat? You wanna eat something? Shaun: No mom I was just saying a random word... Sole: *holds out mutfruit* Okay, eat something. Shaun: No I'm fine- Sole: EaT thE FuckIn MuTrUit-

Lone: *wearing a graduation cap* Hey change of plans, I'm actually not going to college anymore, I'm going to hell. Um, not that excited.

Lone: So you just gonna bring me a birthday gift on my birthday to my birthday party on my birthday with a birthday gift? Amata: *raises eyebrows and slowly looks away* Butch: Happy birthday-? Lone: *smashes glass into his face*

Deacon: Be honest, do these shorts make my butt look big? MacCready: It makes that ass look fat. Deacon: What the fuck?... thank you.

Six: I want to see my little boy~ Arcade: Here he comes. Six: I want to see my little boy~ ED-E: *beep*

MacCready: Hey can I get a sip of that water? Sole: It's not water. MacCready: Vodka! I like your style. Sole: It's vinegar. MacCready: What. Sole: It's vinegar, pussy.

Sole: I'm done with this dumbass Institute with all these fake ass people. Allie: *walks by* Hey. Sole: Hey! *walks by* ...fucking bitch.

Butch: You ready to die?! Lone: You can't kill me, I'm a bad bitch!

Joshua: This is my message to Jesus... Hey, GiGi. Sup man... how are ya?

Raider: That moment when you enter a room and forget why you went in there- Pickman: *stabs him in the back* Raider: *thinks* Oh that's right I was getting chased by a serial killer!

Deacon: Hey babe you wanna spoon? *holds up spoon* And then we can fork? And then-you can slit my throat with a knife...

Hancock: Bro, do you ever smoke lean? Preston: Smoke lean? Hancock: Wo-ow... Preston: N-no, yeah, I have. Hancock: Dude, I thought you were tight. Preston: I have, Mom-!

Mr. Brotch: Okay, is Butch here? Butch: Present. *dabs* Mr. Brotch: ...Lone. Lone: *throws up peace sign* Suh, dude.

Arcade: You ever wanna talk about your emotions, Boone? Boone: No. Six: I do! Arcade: I know, Six. Six: I'm sad. Arcade: I know, Six.

Veronica: Hey, I'm lesbian. Six: ...I thought you were American.

Shaun: I can't swim. Cait: How old are you? Shaun: Ten. Cait: *picks him up and throws him into a pond*

Butch: So basically what I was thinking of was um... Lone: *punches him* Butch: Ah, fuck... I can't believe you've done this.

Six: Do you remember one time I liked you? Benny: No? Six: Good cause it never happened. Benny: Oh... Six: Aha *flips him off* Oho

DC Guard: Detective, this is a crime scene. Nick: *holding 3 tubs of ice cream* What, is this the murder weapon?! *closes freezer with shoulder* Get off my dick!

Sole: I still don't have a New Year's resolution. Piper: You could lose a few. Danse: You could be less lazy. Cait: Don't be such a bitch- Sole: Okay DAMN!... SHIT.

Butch: *whispers* What do beavers build? Lone: A dam. James: *from other room* What'd you say? Butch: Ooh... Lone: Dad, he set me up!

-Amata, Butch, and Christine sitting at a booth- Lone: Today we observe a teenage male appeared to be caught in the friend zone! Research shows there's no escape... I've been spotted!

Six: *looking out over New Vegas* Some day I'm gonna own this goddamn town... *raises whiskey glass to mouth but quickly moves it away* Eughhh I don't like whiskey it burns my mouth!...

Lone: I'm different cause I don't like drama! Y'know?... But Christine... Christine has an STD-

Jack: What are these curious circles? *picks up bottlecap* They have little words on them, how quaint. Do poor people eat these? *bites into it* Disgusting, Edward, take it away!

Lone: This just in, folks, I'm getting reports that Butch is gay; more at 11. Butch: I'm not gay... ... Lone: This just in, folks, I'm now getting reports that Butch is still gay. Let's go to Butch who's on the scene. Butch: I'm not fucking gay!

Six: Any sauces? Raul: Hot and verde. Six: What did you just say to me? Raul: Oh, sorry. *removes accent* Verde. Six: I thought you were trying to seduce me or somethin'

Butch: What's goin' on, my name is Butch, I'm 19 years old, and I'm-... a little nervous *clears throat* He WaS a BOy, shE wAs a GirL ... Lone: I'm Lone and I think I can be the next American Idol *clears throat* I CHimE iN, hAVen'T-

Sole: *holds up harmonica* You play it and you get 100 million caps; but 100 million people will die. MacCready: *furiously plays harmonica* Sole: MacCready no-

[timelock97]

Out of Order Love

Chapter Four: Which One is the Husband?

tomhollandxreader

Summary: It was meant to be a fun time in Vegas. Spending time with the best friend and celebrate getting done with college to turn the page to a new chapter in life. If only (Y/N) realized she would be turning a few extra pages by accidentally marrying her favorite actor.

Word Count: 2610

Part 1   Part 2   Part 3  

(Y/L/N)- Your Last Name  /  (Y/M/N)- Your Mom's Name  /  (Y/D/N)- Your Dog's name  /  (Y/B/N)/(Y/B/N/N) - Your Brother's Name/Nickname  /  (Y/F/N)- Your Father's Name

After an hour drive, I pull into Emily's driveway. Tom begins to unbuckle when I put a hand on top of his. "This is Emily's house," I giggle as I unbuckle to get out of the car and hug my best friend. Tom lets out a soft 'oh' as I do, Harrison laughing in the back. "Thanks again, Em. I'll let you know when we start our house hunting."

"You better, and it was no problem. That was fun." Emily hugs me before waving at the boys, who wave back.

I crawl back inside and back out of her driveway once she gets inside the house. "Harrison, Tom told you that my folks are okay with you staying with us until we find a place, correct?" I ask as I pull out of her neighborhood and back on main road.

"Yes, he said that, but are you sure that it is alright? I don't want to intrude."

"You're not, don't worry." I say, glancing back at him in the rear view mirror. "I also figured that it might be easier, I hope that that's okay?"

"Perfectly fine, (Y/N), really." Harrison smiles back at me as I make the turn into my neighborhood, the mid-September air seeping in the slightly open windows. As we drive through the neighborhood, I pass several neighbors and wave to them. Finally making the last turn, the car rolls into its spot next to my brother's car in the driveway.

"Home, sweet home." I murmur as I turn off the car and climb out. I pop open the trunk so the boys can grab their bags and look back at the house. It's a small ranch style home that I've lived in my entire life. Leaving it feels bittersweet, but it'll be good to get to the next chapter in my life.

"Ready to go in?" Tom's voice pulls me from my thoughts, him and Haz standing slightly in front of me.

"Yup," I smile. Motioning for Tom's hand, which he thankfully places into mine, I drag him with me to the front door, Harrison following behind. "Oh," I turn to look at them, standing on the one step before hopping on the porch. "Neither of you have a problem with small dogs, right?" The boys shake their heads, and Tom gives my hand a reassuring squeeze before I nod and continue the rest of the way to the front door.

Opening it, I hear the sound of clattering pans and Spaceballs playing on the T.V. "Hey Mom, we're home."

My mom comes around the corner, a smile playing on her lips. "Hey, (Y/N/N), and you two must be Tom and Harry...?"

"Harrison, Mom." I correct.

"Right, right," she laughs. "Sadly, I do not know who is who..."

Tom squeezes my hand, then sets down his suitcase before he passes me to greet to my mother. "I'm Tom, Mrs. (Y/L/N). It's nice to finally meet you." He puts his hand out to shake her hand, thankfully she takes it.

"You don't have to be so formal, call me (Y/M/N). It's nice to meet you too." After shaking his hand she looks at Harrison. "You must be Harrison then."

"Yes, ma'am." Harrison leaves me standing by the door, "It's nice to meet you as well." I grab Harrison's suitcase and put it in the front room where he will be sleeping. After setting the case on the bed, I walk back into the entrance and grab Tom's bag and begin to take it down the hallway before Tom's voice causes me pause.

"I can get that, love. Just point me in the right direction." He jogs over to me and takes the bag. I walk with him to my room, it's still designed how I had it when I was in high school. Slightly kidish but has a more adult charm since I did not put anything on the walls. I glance at Tom who has a small smile on his face. "I like your room."

"Ninth grade me thought it was cool."

"And you now?" Tom looks at me sideways as he sets his suitcase in front of my bed.

"I still like it, just would maybe have done the shade a bit lighter. Or used actual painters tape to make the lines cleaner by the ceiling." I point up at the ceiling, playing with my lip.

"It describes you very well, I think." He fidgets, before slowly wrapping an arm around my waist, pulling me to his side. "I also think your mum likes me."

I wrap my arm around his torso and lay my head on his shoulder. "She is much more comfortable with the idea, still not happy, but what can she do." Tom hums in agreement before I sigh, "C'mon, I don't want to leave Harrison alone too long. I think my dad is planning on burgers tonight, so that'll be nice."

"Sounds good to me, I'm starved." Tugging Tom along with me, I find Haz sitting on a stool while chatting with my mom. The conversation gets cut short when the back door opens and in comes my brother, dad, and dog. (Y/D/N) runs in and barks at both Tom and Haz, not allowing either to pet her, before running to me. I scoop her up and she licks the tip of my nose.

"Hi, (Y/D/N), how's my baby." She squirms in my arms and I set her down so she can get a drink.

"So, which one of you married my little sister?" My brother inquires, he has a silly smile on his face, until he realizes who is in front of him. "Wait, you played Spider-man."

Tom lets out a laugh before he waves. "Yeah, and I'm also the husband."

My brother spins on his heels to look at me. "You didn't say that-"

"I did but you weren't listening." I cut him off.

"Huh," he looks from me to Tom, then back to me. "So that little-"

"No, you shush your face." I stick my hand up, ready to playfully smack him, "Introduce yourself, (Y/B/N/N)." He shakes his head as he makes his way over to Tom, he puts his hand out to shake his hand, then Harrison's while I turn to my dad.

"How was the ride to the airport?" He asks, putting his sunglasses on his head.

"Fine, GPS made sure we didn't get lost." I hug him softly before I let him pass.

My dad walks over to Tom who is chuckling at something that my brother had said. "You must be Tom." My dad puts his hand out and shakes Tom's hand professionally.

"Yes, and you must me (Y/N)'s father. It's nice to meet you Mr. (Y/L/N)."

"We are family, please call me (Y/F/N)." He smiles at Tom before looking back at me, "Are you still good if we do burgers?"

"Yeah, thought that was fine." I say leaning on the counter.

"Help your mom in the house and the boys can come outside with me?" He suggests. I knew he wanted to talk to Tom more, something about giving him a 'fatherly' talk. I should have been more nervous, but the only thing I had to worry about was him embarrassing me. That was something I already knew was going to happen so I gestured for them to go ahead. "C'mon boys, let's go start the grill. That means you too, (Y/B/N)." My brother groans but they all follow him outside, Tom giving me a half glance which I smile at before they slip outside. Everything seems to be going well.

The evening is uneventful, and full of conversation. I cut off my brother and my dad a few times when they try to bring up some embarrassing topics, but besides that the night is easy. When Tom and I settle into my bed, the two of us staring at the ceiling as the rest of the house goes quiet.

"Um," I start, "sorry about the bed situation."

Tom lets out a small laugh, "It wouldn't really look like we were head over heels for each other if we slept in different beds, so it's fine." Its quiet for a minute before he lets out a long sigh next to me. "I think that went well."

I roll over to meet his eyes, his head is turned toward me. "It did, my folks seem to like you. I hope my Dad didn't say anything inappropriate while you four were outside."

Tom chuckles next to me. "No, it was nice, he was just asking me the basic questions and what you and I had discussed previously. And he said if we need anything just to let him know."

"Yeah, he is always helping," I sigh before flipping over more so that I'm on my stomach. "Just letting you know, I have and alarm set for eight and will probably go walk around in the morning if I'm not here when you get up."

He nods and turns so he's on his side as well. "Do we have anything planned tomorrow?"

"Not yet, we'll play it by ear."

"Sounds good," he smiles and yawns. "Goodnight, (Y/N)."

"Goodnight, Tom. Sleep well." I roll over so I'm not looking at him and let myself doze.

-

The morning light wakes me from a dead sleep. I peek at the clock to see that it is 7:13. I'm awake, and there is no point in going back to sleep. I let out a soft sigh, and go to stretch, but freeze when I realize there is an arm draped across my back. I smile and blush at the thought of Tom pressed against my side, but now I have to figure out how to sneak out of bed without waking him. Slowly, I slip to the edge of the bed and slide out from under the sheet and place my foot on the floor then my knee until I have successfully slipped out of bed without waking him. I sigh, turn off my alarm, and grab my workout clothes from off the dresser before tip-toeing out into the hall to the bathroom.

Giving myself an hour and a half of walking around the neighborhood I return home to find Haz standing in the kitchen looking in the fridge. "Morning, Haz." I smile, taking my hair out of its ponytail.

"Morning, I hope you don't mind me raiding your fridge."

"Not at all," I wave my hands, walking past him to see if Tom is in the living room, but it is empty. "Tom not up yet?"

"Not that I know of, he should probably wake up though. He has to get used to the new time zone." Harrison says while pulling out waffles from the freezer.

"I'll go wake him, I have to grab my clothes so I can shower anyways." Haz laughs as I walk away back to my room. Tom is still in the same position when I open the door. I walk over and sit on the side of the bed I had crawled out of previously. I shake his shoulder but he just buries his head further into the pillow. "Tom, you need to wake up." He groans, but doesn't move. I sigh and lean back so that I am laying across his back, after he a minute he starts to chuckle underneath me. "Are you awake now?"

"This not how I expected to be woken up this morning." His voice rasps.

"I could have thrown the dog on the bed and let her do it." I sass, sitting up so I can see him.

"No, this was fine," He lifts his head to look at me. "Did you sleep alright?" I nod, and he smiles, "Good."

"I'm going to hop in the shower, then we can figure out what to do today?" Tom nods, I stand up and I grab my clothes and towel before disappearing into the bathroom.

-

The next few hours are, again, uneventful, the three of us watch a few movies while Tom and I look at a few places and narrow it down to two condos about 20 minutes to my new job. The two of us sigh, and I lean my head on his shoulder. "Alright, those emails are sent. Which means we have nothing else to do today."

"Guys," Haz speaks up from the opposite side of the living room. "Emily invited me to watch some series she was talking to me about earlier. She's gonna be here in like 2 minutes." He stands and stretches, I glance at the clock and see that it is only one in the afternoon.

"She's gonna have to bring you back." Tom says with a knowing smirk.

"I know, mate." He moves past us to put his shoes on.

"We will leave the front door open for ya!" I shout from the couch. "Tell her I say to behave herself."

"Alright, bye lovebirds." Haz smiles and waves before slipping out of the front door.

I look at Tom who has a playful smirk on his face. "There is something going on and Emily won't tell me shit."

Tom laughs at my choice of words. "Oh yeah, they have been talking since they had to buy us these." He gestures to our rings. I roll my eyes and lay my head back on his shoulder. My phone lights up on the T.V. tray next to my computer and Tom grabs it and looks at the screen. "Jamie invited you to go swimming with her and the guys? Who's Jamie?"

I reach for my phone, which he hands over easily. "My best friend."

"I though Emily was your best friend?"

"She is, but so is Jamie. I've been friends with Emily since elementary school and we have the type of relationship that if we go a long time without seeing each other it's like it never happened." I open my text messages and open the newest message, "Jamie and I have been best friends since high school, I see her on a weekly basis." I look at the rest of the message and let out a huff, "Would you want to meet her and my friends? It'll be like five people, not including her parents. Nothing super huge."

He shrugs, "Yeah, that would be fine. It'll give us something to do."

(Y/N/N)

Sure, but can I bring that someone I've been telling you about?

Jamie

Yee! Olivia invited Chris over too, so it'll be you, me, your 'friend', Olivia, Chris, Cade, and Noah; a full house.

(Y/N/N)

When you want us there? Does mom want me to bring anything, I have chips and lemonade?

Jamie

She would appreciate that, and maybe 2?

Bring a suit

(Y/N/N)

We will, see you then!

"Alright, so we have an hour to kill. What shall we do?"

"Does she know about us?"

"Yeah, she was one of the first people I told here at home, about the marriage not the charade part. Her family as well, they are basically a second family."

"Okay, well, let's get me somewhat caught up on who I am meeting." He rubs the back of his neck. "That okay?"

"C'mon, movie-star," I say standing up, giving him my hand and laughing when he makes a face. "Let me give you a little history lesson of my friendship."

"Please don't call me that. I get that enough at home." He places his hand in mine and I yank him up.

"Eh, no promises." I tease back, causing him to roll his eyes.

Part 5 

[brishu]

Almost Everyone

My daughters were introduced to the music of the Backstreet Boys by camp counselors, so their only context for hearing some of their bigger hits (and they have an astonishing number of very big hits) was the enthusiasm of people about 10 years older than them. No anti-boyband snark, no snobbery that looks askance at performers who don’t play instruments. They began asking for specific songs to be added to their music players, and even requested “As Long As You Love Me” at my dearest friend’s daughter’s Bat Mitzvah party. To them, the Backstreet Boys were as much a part of the pop canon as Elvis, only still out there performing.

Their response to the BSB’s seemed to be purely musical. It’s possible that they got high on secondhand boyband fumes, since their counselors’ enthusiasm was surely fueled by the gangbusters marketing campaign designed to make millions of kids fall in love with AJ, Brian, Nick, Howie and Kevin, which is probably even harder to pull off than it sounds. But as much as I’d like to, I can’t discount the quality of the music either. And if I’m shocked that five cute boys who first performed together in 1993 just hung another Number 1 album on the Billboard charts (which apparently also still exist), maybe it’s my shock that should be shocking. I also envied the girls their ready embrace of songs they liked without subjecting them to the battery of artistic litmus tests their sonically dyspeptic father does. 

The psychotherapeutic industry seems built upon the distinction between gentle and brutal. If you make the same, relatively harmless mistake repeatedly, steps toward correction are fine, but ease up on the internal machete. If you are too prone to lying to maintain valuable relationships or hold down a job, stop treating your dishonesty like fine china, you goddamn schlemiel. OK, I’m not a psychological expert but one of the things I’ve been working on in therapy is retaining a consistent striving for improvement while loosening an attachment to self-flagellation. So, occasional desire to make my children happy aside, was it a well-earned moment of transcendence or a mere boot to my own aesthetics that led me to sneak off to the Barclays Center to buy a trio of Backstreet Boys tickets while the girls were in Hebrew school?

I didn’t tell them about the tickets for several months, but ultimately I worried that surprising them on the day of the concert would pressure them to evince unnatural levels of appreciation for their loving father’s amazing gesture, so about two weeks before the show, I gave them a heads up. 

Another chronic difficulty I have is ordering food from people whose first language is not English. I don’t think it makes me Steve King to cling to the generalization that they never take me seriously when I say I want it spicy. So on the day of the concert I ordered Thai food and asked them to make it “extra, extra, extra spicy please.” In retrospect that was at least one “extra” too many. But by the time we had dinner before the show, I forgot about lunch and slathered everything I ate with hot sauce, which I believe contributed to my need of a bathroom that undermined my plan to arrive at the Barclays Center by 7:30 so we could get through the security line before the show started at 8.

I had looked up the setlists from Chicago and Detroit and noted that they opened the show with a song called “Everyone”, which I thought was the one where they’re like “Everybaaaah-day! Rock your baaaah-day!”, which in my self-conferred Masters in Backstreetology seemed like the only appropriate opener so I really, really didn’t want the girls to miss it, which brought on a sustained castigation of why I prioritized capsaicin over keeping promises I’d silently (and inaccurately) made to my children. 

We got into the arena at about 8:12 and, hearing noise emanating from the stage, rushed up several flights of stairs to our seats. That’s when we learned that there was an opening act named Baylee Littrell (it wasn’t until the next morning that I learned he was Brian Littrell’s 16 year-old son). What we caught of his set assuaged whatever guilt I felt about what we missed, but I did appreciate that he played with actual bass, guitar and drums (plus keyboards, horns and back-up vocals that could not be seen onstage). We looked him up on Spotify to see how many plays his songs had gotten and determined that the one with more than 300,000 would be the closer. Do you know how many great bands would harm the elderly for 30,000 plays??? Fruit & Flowers only have two songs over 20k. Look ‘em up, they rule. Anyway, we were right. It was a song called Boxes and apparently the girl Baylee loves checks off all 22 of them. 

I have shadowy memories of watching the Backstreet Boys’ debut on Saturday Night Live with this perfectly synced dance involving chairs that they may or may not have stacked at one point during their number. At the time I was appalled by them, but proud of myself for being sophisticated enough to label their performance Fosse-esque. Harboring the incorrect assumptions that “Everyone” was the song I thought it was, and that their act had not evolved in the 20 years since I saw them on SNL, I tried to share in the excitement of the folks around me. Our neighbors were a very attractive young man and woman who kept apologizing when they passed us to get to the aisle. I tried not to eavesdrop but I did hear the young man extol his therapist to his friend (somehow it was clear they weren’t a couple). Just before the show started the young woman asked if I was the fan bringing my kids along or vice versa. I said it was mainly the kids but I was stoked too. She said that she and her friend had caught the band in Vegas and it was so amazing that they had to go again in Brooklyn and don’t mind her when she sang along to every lyric, even the new ones. Our conversation ended abruptly when the lights went down and she joined the collective “WHOO!” volleying stageward. 

As though in response, the stage started to open with almost unbearable slowness, suspense mounting as aperture expanded to maw, and I realized that I am unable to experience a reveal like that without hearkening back to one of the earliest and most vivid aural memories I have- the hinges creaking at the beginning of the Monster Mash. On angled video screens, band members appeared, one by one, in slow motion. The way they fingered their hat brim or rolled their shoulders made me laugh very hard. My neighbor to my left nodded approvingly, the kids to my right briefly emancipated themselves. Finally the tectonic shifting ended and there, on a platform so receded that I thought they should be called the Backstage Boys, were five guys who had been crushing it for 26 fucking years.

My neighbor said, “They can’t really dance anymore but they can still sing!”

“Everyone” is not the song I thought it was.

The first concert our kids ever attended was Los Lobos in Prospect Park. Our younger daughter was 10 months old and happy anywhere that had popsicles. Our older daughter was nearly 3 and for months she would ask to hear more Los Lobos. I don’t think she recognized anything from the concert, she just wanted to be reminded of the special experience of live, loud music and how happy it made the people around her (including her dad), and our living room stereo system was the best portal for that. Los Lobos’ most popular non-fucking-La Bamba-song is Cancion del Mariachi, coming in at 15,898,494 plays. Nothing else cracks a million. 

This was their first time seeing a bigtime pop act, and though they only knew about 5 of the 30 songs performed, they were rapt for the entire show. Except when the band talked to the audience, which they did in a sort of schematic where every member got his five-minute lovefest with the audience while the other guys changed outfits. They were all some variation on how much love they felt in the room (it was pretty palpable), how much gratitude they felt to the fans for the longevity of their career, and how pleased they were to be Number 1 yet again. Oh and that music was important too. I don’t mean to demean their commitment to music. All five of them can sing quite well, they harmonize together beautifully (even though I’m pretty sure vocal enhancements were employed without remorse) and you can’t sing the same song over and over again for more than 20 years without losing it unless the song is half-decent. But without getting too grumpy about it, I neither could nor wanted to suppress a flare of anger that so many serious musicians are poor while these cutie pies are all multi-millionaires. I don’t know what the ultimate size of the music market is, and it was hardly revelatory to note that these guys’ share was not in line with the quality of their musical production, but I felt like I had to take my own tiny stand, to stand up for musicians less slickly managed, artists less adept at navigating A&R social hierarchies, bands whose universality is not predicated on cultural touchstones manufactured by MTV. Obviously, nobody buys a concert ticket in the hope that they’ll get scolded at the show. Another thing people try to avoid at concerts is taking a dump. And so more acutely than ever, my self-righteousness was supplanted by regret for that extra extra.

I thought about asking my neighbors to watch the kids, and even to make the joke “And don’t let them vape!” but opted not to because I didn’t want to suggest that I had a problem with their vaping (such is my social density that I tuned out all of their apologia and was so grateful for their friendliness that I just wanted them to like me, never realizing that maybe, just maybe they might really want me to like them too). So I just told the kids to stay put and made my way to the can. And I daresay BSB fans are as nice in private as they are out in the arena. I base this conjecture on my bathroom experience where, unlike most concerts I attend, I was able to tend to my digestive needs without feeling like I had to contort myself to avoid somebody else’s excrement. It shouldn’t be surprising that more banal music begets more polite behavior, hell even Plato cautioned against exposing certain segments of society to more inflammatory musical scales. But maybe all that bougie antisepticism is just proof of how truly un-punk Mr. Stand-Taker really is.

Returned to the seats where the kids looked sleepy. I told them they shouldn’t feel any pressure to stay for the whole show, which looked like it was going to end after 11. They looked at me like I’d just told them I was donating their college fund to Trump 2020. 

One of them said, “Just because we’re not dancing and screaming doesn’t mean we aren’t having an amazing time, Dad.”

OK then.

So that song I got confused about is actually called “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back).” I pretended like I knew that the whole time and was pretty sure I got away with it. Then one of the girls said, “I thought you said they opened with this song.” And with no remorse whatsoever I said, “Yeah, that was in Florida.” Why I needed them to think I knew what I was talking about is almost a less interesting question than why I also lied about what states preceded New York on the DNA Worldwide Tour. 

There were more costume changes, more banter with adoring fans, more grinding reconfiguration of the stage, more neon mike stands shifting color in unison, something that probably seemed high tech in 1999, and more hits, at least four up-tempo numbers before they went into their big treacly ballad about which way they want it, which nobody can convince me isn’t about the supposed horrors of anal sex. Our neighbors checked and sure enough, both kids knew every word. A singalong ensued. Then I encouraged departure but the kids insisted on staying in case there was more. There was more. 

In fact, all five guys came out for what I guess was an encore wearing Nets jerseys. Knowing what a rabid Nets fan I am, both kids felt vindicated for insisting we stick around. And then they actually knew the second, and final song of the evening and were so exhilarated by the whole thing that they wanted to walk all the way home. But it was 11:15 and I’d been up since 4:30 and I was not above projecting my fatigue onto them so we took the subway one stop. We had gotten out quickly enough that the train was not packed with other BSBers or whatever their fans are called. And again, if we strip away the petty concern of my daughters’ happiness, was I glad we went to a Backstreet Boys Concert? Well, one kid said “That would have been awesome even if the band didn’t sing any songs. The lights were just so great!” So cool. I just spent the better part of a week’s pay on the magic of strobes that kept me up way past my bedtime. And two very happy daughters. And very pleasant interactions with attractive strangers. And a few moments of infectious beats and melodies. And the nicest shit I’ve ever taken at a concert. Would I do it again, even with smarter lunch ordering? Without hesitation.

By the way, this was written while listening to Face Stabber, the newest Thee Oh Sees album. It’s fucking awesome. They’re playing a club in a few weeks than can hold about 800 people.

[doomedandstoned]

Portland’s Eight Bells Ready for Psycho Las Vegas

~Interview by Jamie LaRose~

If you haven’t caught Oregon’s EIGHT BELLS yet, your chance is coming up at the Psycho Las Vegas, where they play on Sunday, August 19th. Some of the bands playing Psycho this year are Dimmu Borgir, Danzig, Red Fang and Wolves in the Throne Room. Eight Bells has long been held together by the very talented Melynda Jackson, who has given life and beauty to this emotional masterpiece of sound. We had the chance to speak with Melynda Jackson as well as Melynda Amann, Brian Burke, and Alyssa Maucere and get some insight on how the band has progressed as well as their plans for the future. While they have been working on new material for you to get your emotional heavy groove on, they have made great strides as a group and have plans to record once they have completed their current writing process. Don’t miss them at Psycho '18, and look forward to the delicate doom that will enrapture your soul.

Landless by Eight Bells

You have a very unique and particular style about Eight Bells. What was the original inspiration for the project?

MELYNDA: I had started out playing in SubArachnoid Space for years, kind of a hard psych/noise what have you instrumental project. That project started as improvised noise, and over 15 years morphed into more of a songwriting collaboration. When I decided to let that project go, I knew I wanted to continue on into more distinct and concise songwriting but keep a little bit of the feel of SubArachnoid Space. Over the years the drummer was becoming more and more interested in some metal techniques like blast beats etc. We decided that we wanted to continue that trajectory after we dissolved SubArachnoid Space, so we named the new band Eight Bells, after the final SAS album. We never really wanted to fit anywhere perfectly, and I think we have accomplished that goal. I feel like turmoil and sadness are expressed frequently in this project. We would like to make something emotionally vivid and not have all the songs sound the same.

What is the driving force that carries you on over the last few years?

MELYNDA: It has been a tough couple of years for sure, with many points where I considered giving up. Playing music teaches me lots of things. I would say those things go beyond learning to play the music itself, but interpersonal stuff, connectedness, commitment, self-examination, and emotional expression. I have a lot to learn so I keep trying because it is interesting. Getting older reminds me that I have a finite amount of time to create, so I really have no choice-it is an itch that can’t be scratched. Also, I am stubborn as fuck so when signs all seem to be pointing to giving up, I try harder.

Can you talk about the lineup changes and how that has affected the sound this year?

MELYNDA: Oh, we have about 20 minutes of new music that has been difficult in its creation because of how many people Lindy and I have gone through in the rhythm section. (laughs) She has been with me for a couple of years now, but we are on our 3rd drummer (Brian), as well as our 3rd Bassist, (Alyssa). It felt like a struggle to really practice with regularity and treat it as a discipline until Brian and Alyssa joined. The songs Lindy and I were working on as a duo sort of finished themselves with their input and the ideas were made better for sure. I am not sure yet how the sound has changed to an outside listener, but I can say for me, the music is more defined. We have three-part harmonies now and we had a great time at our last two shows, so we can have fun together and connect onstage and that means everything to me -- and I do mean everything.

Do you have any upcoming plans for a new release with the new lineup?

MELYNDA: We totally want to record when we have another couple of songs. We will be focused on writing and making demos when get back from Psycho Las Vegas.

Describe your favorite way to enter the writing process.

ALYSSA: When someone comes in with a riff and we play it over and over, and it grabs us, that's when it's the best. We can see where else it could be taken, or it can push us in a completely different direction as our minds/ears begin to churn. It's important for me to carry the foundation for the harmonic layering to give space and clarity to my bandmates. It's a lot of refinement and experimentation, and that gives birth to truly abstract and complex song structures that give that feel really satisfying once they're played to our standards. Witnessing my bandmates get lost and found within a composition is how I know we all found something that works for us.

LINDY: Before I even present anything to my bandmates I am often inspired in random and unexpected ways. My voice recorder on my phone usually gets a lot of action for spur of moment inspirations out of nowhere. If I hear a riff in my head I often sing it into my recorder, so I don’t forget it. Sometimes this spontaneous idea could translate into a vocal melody or a keyboard riff. This riff usually doesn’t make it to the band practice room for others to listen to until the pot smoke has dissipated, and some serious rumination has occurred. If my riffing inspires others. I get excited and a possible jam may elicit more awesomeness that I didn’t hear the first go around in my head.

MELYNDA: I kind of feel like I don’t really have a choice in the matter in terms of how I process, meaning I don’t consciously choose to sit down and write a song. I hear riffs in my head and enjoy working with the group in real time to flesh out songs and arrangement. Recording riff ideas, like lindy says, helps. Sometimes I will work off a keyboard part of Melynda’s, or whatever. I like jamming a riff until it leads to the next part. We don’t really have a formula that we follow and we are still developing a language that we all can understand. Seems like learning to play the parts together is the first pass like a rough draft, then more arranging and tweaking.

What do you most look forward to while participating in the upcoming Psycho Las Vegas 2018?

ALYSSA: It's a family reunion for many of us. We have friends from all over the country convening all in one place, seeing bands that we all look up to, together, or never have seen, confined to a ridiculously fun environment that encourages all forms of debauchery. I'm honored that we get to play the Vinyl Stage with of such an amazing line up, I mean, c'mon we play after Necrot and Mutoid Man, two of my favorite bands out right now! It will be great to have this moment to give people the ability to see the reincarnation of Eight Bells. Plus, there's that killer pool and legal marijuana.

LINDY: I look forward to the camaraderie and friendships with my contemporaries and fans and also the bangovers and ringing ears caused from my own band’s crushing performance and from the performances of my friends and heroes on all of the stages.

MELYNDA: Playing the set honestly. I am not a fan of the desert in August. I look forward though, to air conditioning and seeing folks I don’t get to see very often.

Where did you start on the path of playing music?

ALYSSA: It started when I was a little kid. I used to play this game with my family where they would turn on a song for one second on the radio/CD player, and I'd have to identify what band it was, and most of the time I was dead-on. I was obsessed with tone and recording quality, all the unique sounds individual to a specific band, and it fascinated me how different everyone was. That's how I was able to remember who was who by their tone! Before I was even 10, I was hooked to MTV, especially 120 min and Beavis and Butthead (which I used to sneak at night and watch). It was there I heard PJ Harvey, Bjork, Soundgarden, Helmet, Unsane, Hum, The Beastie Boys, etc. I really liked playing on one of those children's pianos and would do it all the time for hours. Eventually my family broke down and found me a cheap upright piano when I turn 8 and it changed my life. I got my first electric guitar when I was 13, and I’ve played one almost every day for 20 years now. It was when I was 23 that I got asked to play bass in a band, and I never looked back.

LINDY: It started from the days of infancy when my mom would place my playpen by the record player, plug my headphones and spin an LP for me to keep me occupied. Later, that path continued on long car rides from Massachusetts to Maine when my Dad would blast Pat Benatar, Black Sabbath, Tina Turner and the Motels all the way to his place. It started with singing in church every Sunday, and friends picking me up in the morning for school blasting Iron Maiden and Metallica. Music has always been a central part of my life.

MELYNDA: I played clarinet and bass clarinet in band, but was kicked out for being unruly even though I could play well. I suppose that was my first lesson – you are never so good or talented that you get to be an asshole to everyone and keep playing. I failed at guitar lessons soon after. As a kid I liked to listen to music and count the beats- oh here are 4s, but halved they are 2, oh this is 6… that sort of thing.

What are some of the most influential artists to you?

ALYSSA: Al Cisneros is a wizard. He creates a sonic vortex by meditating on very few potent riffs for lengths at a time. There's a mathematics going on there, a pattern that undulates in and out of consciousness. I know how to play most of those riffs, but if you ever see the man live, you're blown away by his delivery. Kim Thayil and Chris Cornell were probably the first musicians to show me what "heavy" meant, between the depth of the content in the lyrics and the eclectic richness of their influences. Soundgarden was a perfect storm of catchiness and brutality. It was also because of Kim Thayil that I ended up loving bands like Master Musicians of Bukakke and Sunn O))). Last but not least, metal bands like Blut Aus Nord and Deathspell Omega have a profound influence over my writing. It's chaotic and unsettling, and somehow, it's incredibly emotive and beautiful.

LINDY: In terms of vocalist heroes, I would say: Pat Benatar, Bruce Dickinson, Joni Mitchell and Aretha Franklin. Musicians that I am influenced by would be Nick Cave, Prince and Diamanda Galas.

MELYNDA: Old and new: Steve Reich, Sonic Youth, hildur guðnadóttir, Death, Enslaved, Popol Vuh, Butthole Surfers, Oranssi Pazuzu, Vaura, Earth Wind and Fire, Bauhaus, Faust, Amon Düül II -- so many. Basically, everything music influences me in some way, even if I don’t like it. I try not to wear my influences on my sleeve, but I also try not to overthink things.

Do any shows stand out above the rest, so far, as your favorite experience with the band and why?

ALYSSA: I'm so new to this band that every show so far stands out. Psycho Las Vegas will be the largest crowd I've played to in 5 years, and I'm really looking forward to performing.

BRIAN: The first two and the last two stand out most in my mind.

LINDY: Considering that I have been a member of Eight Bells for 2 years, I have only played 6 live shows with them. One that stands out for me is playing in Canada, opening for SubRosa. The energy and our playing were great and the excitement of the show was palatable.

MELYNDA: Brian we have only played two shows together. (laughs) Honestly, I would say our first show with this lineup eclipses any other that I have played with Eight Bells so far.

Is there a central message that you would like to convey?

ALYSSA: Eight Bells will crush your soul.

LINDY: Our time is finite. Our time is up. Crush my enemies, see them driven before me and hear the lamentations of everyone.

MELYNDA: For the love of Satan, please when driving on the highway, use the left lane for passing only.

Catch Portland, Oregon’s Eight Bells on the Vinyl Stage of the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino on Sunday night, August 19th, at Psycho Las Vegas. Get tickets here

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[vrenaewrites]

CRAVE by Tracy Wolff thoughts: Ch 22 - ch 48

Full video here.

CH 22: Baby, it’s hot in here

Like, baby it’s cold outside?

Sooooo much internal monologuing about her first boyfriend and how no one has made her feel like Jaxon does…

“The big picture is that the most popular boys in school are obsessed with you”

“He looks at you like it physically hurts him not to be touching you. Baby, if he wanted you anymore he’d spontaneously combust”

Macy wants the tea about her and Jaxon

She says flint and him had a “massive pissing contest over her” lmao

“Are you trying to be reassuring or scare me?” “yes”

She tells heather ttyf? Am i stupid??? What does that mean?

TALK TO YOU FOREVER?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?

“It sounds like every cliche in the book, but he’s different around you. Somehow less intense, but more intense.”

“You can trust me, we’re family” and grace almost starts crying :(

CH 23: never bring an ice cream scoop to a gunfight

Macy FINALLY comes clean re: flint and jaxon are mortal enemies

“What is this the breakfast club? Even they figured out they could all get along” grace just be quiet and let the girl who actually knows wtf is up at this school tell you wtf is up. You been wanting her to talk for so long, be quiet.

Ooh something big happened a year ago that made them all break up into factions

It’s about hudson jaxon’s brother!

Or is his name spelled Hyudsin because stupid spellings

Ooh macy warned grace not to become the chew toy between flint and jaxon

CH 24: waffles are the way to a girl’s everything

I want to hate this but i fucking love waffles so like…

Someone’s texting her about her ankle...i thought it was jaxon...AND IT IS!

“I don’t know the punchline to whatever knock knock joke you’re setting up” I BURST OUT LAUGHING BECAUSE “he’s funny over text” ma’am...this isn’t funny? Maybe a lil snarky, but funny?

Now she’s telling jokes over text and we’re having a whole long stupid text fucking exchange….i hate this so much

Then he tries, “what do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite” and my soul leaves my body because what in the 8th grade twilight fanfiction is happening…

She texts him brb instead of just responding when when she was done peeing and then he stops answering her, this used to happen to me with the toxic dudes i talked to in high school...am i reading too much into this? Idk yet

And then she’s spiraling about why he stopped texting and UGH I REMEMBER THIS FEELING!!!!!!!!!

Jaxon has food sent up to her room from the...cafeteria? Wtf…

He says he doesn’t like the food and she says “So what do you like to eat” and then is like “wow that sounded suggestive” lmao

And he says “i don’t think we’re there yet but let me know when we are” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

CH 25: truly madly deeply bitten

And we’re really just gonna keep texting 21 questions

She loves tatbilb...i mean same lana condor is the loml, but

Jaxon loves rogue one………

I don’t care AT ALL. NOT ONE BIT DO I CARE, TRACY WOLFF.

“I wish i could ask the real jaxon vega to please stand up” i rolled my eyes but i also giggled

“You suck” “you have no idea how much” i threw up in my mouth.

Niall horan reference, hozier reference, rhianna reference

JAXON’S. FAVORITE. SONG. IS. TRULY. MADLY. DEEPLY.

INSERT SNAPCHAT OF ME CRYING LAUGHING HERE

Gambino reference, beethoven reference???, and then brown-eyed girl which personally offends me because my mom used to sing that to me

This makes her hands shake

She plays brown eyed girl a bunch of times

Then another woman comes to deliver a package to grace...from jaxon...it’s a library book

It’s twilight

Insert snap of me screaming stfu here

Macy is laughing her ass off about this because she isn’t stupid, she knows what jaxon is

And grace says she never read it when it was popular all those years ago…

Baby you said you liked reading. No way did you survive middle school without reading it.

And then he shows up!!!!!

She makes a shitty joke to lighten to the mood

He’s massaging her hurt ankle...oh shiiii

They ALMOST kiss

He gives her a little note wrapped in a ribbon

“I wonder how i’m going to keep this beautiful, broken boy from cracking my already battered heart wide open”

Hades voice: we were so CLOSE!

CH 26: the uniform doesn’t make the woman, but it sure brings out the insecurities

He ripped a page out of anais nin’s journals that says some shit like “i dreamed you, i wished for you”

So cute sentiment but you ripped a book my dude? Cardinal sin

Grace is finally going to class

The cafeteria is goth as fuuuuck

The music is “creepy af”

Jaxon sits next to her in front of everyone

CH 27: 10 degree weather gives a whole new meaning to “the cool kid’s table”

He sits in the super ornate chair backwards and it makes her horny

The order is kind of ragging on jaxon about being cute to grace which is funny

We get all the dude’s names at one - raphael luca liam mickey?? I think

“A dark and devastating desperation” in his eyes

And then we got byron who’s more angsty than jaxon - “mad bad and dangerous to know” just like his namesake

CH 28: “to be or not to be is a question, not a pick-up line”

Jaxon walks her to class

Wanting him feels like opening a vein

“I love the way your hair smells”

“My heart is beating like a heavy metal drummer”

We were so close!!!!!!!!!

We’re doing hamlet in class ofc

The teacher says “although you look like the shy type despite your association with katmere’s most notorious student”

Instead of just saying the halls are like playing frogger she describes the old video game where you try to get the frog across the road...is it just people in the south that say playing frogger when describing crossing traffic? Or is this a well known phrase??

Apparently there’s hidden tunnels so flint takes her to them

Her intuition is like BITCH DON’T GO IN THE TUNNELS but she ignores it AGAIN

CH 29: with friends like these, everyone needs hard hats

There are beds with shackles?!?!?!?!

Leah shows up and turns out they’re going to the same class? But flint insists on walking her to class…

Leah and flint are NOT friendly

Damn she offends flint with a buffalo bill joke

There’s bones in the tunnels and a giant chandelier in the rotunda that’s also made of bones…

There’s an earthquake!

CH 30: you make the earth shake under my feet, and everywhere else too

And it stops as soon as they get out of the tunnel

Jaxon is there and being a dick to flint and grace has HAD it

CH 31: big girls don’t cry, unless they want to

Grace gets hit with a basketball in gym

All the order has been walking her to class because jaxon knew she was mad at him

Does jaxon cause the earthquakes somehow?

She finally reads the texts jaxon had sent and feels bad for being mad at him when he was just worried - no he acted like a dick. Be mad.

She’s making sooooo many excuses for his anger: the earthquake, the fact that he’s already rescued her before so of course he’s worried…

Aww a student is playing autumn leaves which was her dad’s favorite song :(

She starts to boo-hoo “grief is a wild thing within me”

Civil twilight AGAIN

Jaxon is standing there when she finally stops

CH 32: it’s not a coincidence that denali and denial use all the same letters

He opens the door in the alcove and it’s like a clubhouse? Oh it’s his dorm room???? Confusion

So it’s like the living room and NOW he’s leading her into his bedroom

She says she’s terrified of him touching her because of the intensity but then says she has no trepidations about doing or being anywhere with him...ya just said...nvm

They go out to the roof

CH 33: Madonna’s not the only one with a lucky star

Please decide if grace is a silly teen who doesn’t know what frogger is or an old soul who loves madonna pls

She asks if he’s an alien…

And she tells him he’s the hottest person ever and that his scar makes him sexy as hell and he's all like “me?!” which is a nice role reversal

This is his favorite place

And there's a meteor shower!!

CH 34: all’s fair in love and earthquakes

Thanks i hate this

When she touches him she realizes how cold he is and thinks it’s from being outside which makes him act all weird

Someone please just tell this girl what’s going on!!!!!!!!! I HATE when the reader is 8,000 steps ahead of the MC

“A craving in his eyes” WE’VE SAID THE TITLE FOLKS!

She makes the move to close the space and says she’s dazzled, GUYS

She’s making the MOVE! “Did you ever want something but you were scared of taking it?” “yes” “what did you do” “i took it anyway” and then he kisses her!!!!!!

The kiss is as soft as a snowflake, as delicate as the permafrost

Then “his mouth goes crazy on mine lips tongue teeth, it’s a cacophony of sensations, a riot of pleasure”

“My knees go weak at his tongue on mine, just like one of those heroines in a novel”

His hands are vices on my biceps...his hands were around her back at first which seems way more romantic than manhandling her arms??

There’s an earthquake...and jaxon is like you have to go

A window breaks and cuts her and then she blacks out????

CH 35: baked alaska is more than just a yummy dessert

Intimidating af is the nurse

The glass nicked her artery!!!!!! The FUCK. or did jaxon bite her?????

Her mom died like that… yikes on bikes

He fucking bit her...this is a lie...i’m calling it…

FINN ABOUT TO COME CLEAN!!!...but the nurse stops him.

Macy is an OG bff she is the best

Or is grace the one making shit happen??

Grace notices the sheets are fixed but that macy never went to the bed

Macy asked what they were doing when the earthquake hit...WHY

CH 36: no harm, all foul

Grace goes after Jaxon and he’s like “our kiss didn’t matter”

He says he put her in a lot of danger by being around her, a “target on her back” and wants her to stay away from him but he can’t pull himself away

But then he does

CH 37: don’t ask the question if you can’t handle the answer

Leah drops the bomb that she and Jaxon are expected to carry on like a family dynasty sitch since Hudson died

CH 38: nothing says “i like you” like a fang to the throat

She’s freaking out of course

Mickey says jaxon def didn’t bit her and she’s even more confused and me too

Jaxon is in the mountains...he wants her to wait but she’s pissed

“I take a deep breath and hold onto it with both hands” ….?????

Because i have to hear it out loud, “what did make these marks?”

Say it, out loud

CH 39: there’s never a hallucinogen around when you need one

She’s furious and she should be! I’m glad she’s not replying to Jaxon

We finally get to the bottom of it all!!!!!!

Macy admits Jaxon is a vampire

Leah is one too!!!!

Flint is a dragon!!!!! CALLED IT

He’s got fire? With a name like flint how could he not PUKE

“Who needs LSD when you go to monster high?” Shut UP

Macy is a witch DUH

“You should have been one too”

CH 40: be careful what you witch for

GO FUCK YOURSELF WITH THIS TITLE

Grace’s dad was a warlock but he lost his power when he fell for grace’s mom...oh no was their accident like a magical mafia hit??

“What kind of witch are you if you can’t do something an 11 year old can?” “the kind that doesn’t come from JK Rowling’s brilliant imagination”...THAT aged poorly…

“This is a less bloody version of game of thrones” shut UP

The school nurse bit her because jaxon used his vampire venom to heal her cut, and it worked too well so she needed to cut through the healed skin with her vampire teeth

Because this is twilight satire so of course they have venom…

“So vampires can just override each other’s venom?”

Most of the vamps would have had a hard time not draining you dry, but not jaxon

I absolutely called it: witches, vampires, dragons, and werewolves confirmed.

CH 41: Vampires dragon and werewolves, oh my

This physically hurts

She’s kind of categorizing the students now that she knows which is totally something i would do

God almighty is flint just a jacob clone…

CH 42: good thing pancakes aren’t on today’s menu

The chandelier is falling onto her and someone pushes her out of the way - it’s jaxon!

His eyes smolder at her

She dresses his cut on his head and his arm

“I wouldn’t have had to save you if you were in your room where i told you to be” he grinds the last part out through clenched teeth

He finally lays it out that someone has been getting her hurt on purpose

CH 43: what doesn’t kill you still scares the hell out of you

Her uncle wants to talk to her before she sees jaxon again and i smell an info dump coming

Dangerous af

“Macy told me she spilled all the tea” said her UNCLE with no hint of like “is that what you kids say these days”. GTFO

“I wait for the other shoe to drop even though 100 have already fallen” that’s not how that idiom works

She’s like “how could he think i wouldn’t figure it out i knew something was wrong” no ma’am! No you didn’t!! You kept shrugging it off until chapter 24 at the EARLIEST when you settled on aliens

Getting the tea on the turf war between dragons and vampires - so it’s not like twilight because it’s not the werewolves. Whatever.

Uncle says it was probably some witch who got too loose with her powers and grace is like yeah no absolutely no one is trying to kill me it was yet ANOTHER freak accident

Uncle wants to sent her back to cali

CH 44: Sweet home alaska

So she doesn’t wanna go because of jaxon, not because her only family in the world is in Alaska….

It’s only been a WEEK

“I know jaxon can be...seductive” says her UNCLE

the guys in the order are born vampires, not made, it’s a v big deal

Info dump city re how vampirism is a genetic mutation…

There are 6 ancient families of vampires...this all sounds like the first draft of my new wip where I was trying to figure out how the secret society worked…

Then he says he’s not in the habit of talking students with other students….we just did...this whole chapter…

Another earthquake???

Ch 45: I always knew there was fire between us, I just didn’t know it was your breath

Dude shut up

She goes to the library and wonders if the books about vampires etc would be under non fiction or biology lmao

The librarian is a native Alaskan with elemental magic….yikes

She does a weird eye swirling “you’re more than you think you are” thing to grace

Flints in the library and she asks him about dragons and I swear to god if we get a chapter devoted to learning about each species via info dump I will burn this place to the ground

He singes the marshmallow with his fire breath, loves it

And he can breathe ice? He cools the water down

He can bloom flowers in his hand????

“They’re beautiful” “you’re beautiful” “but I’m not hitting on you??”

Because when I hit on you, it’ll be because you want me to!!!!! We Stan flint!!!

Ch 46: I’ll get you and your little dog too

Enough

Dry throat around flint now, oh shiiiiiii

Oh shit the order is on the move!! There’s trouble

She chases them into a classroom and sees jaxon making shit fly everywhere with just his mind...is he a vampire and a witch??

There’s a werewolf vampire brawl

Damn jaxon can freeze everyone with his mind!

She tries to stop him but he’s put up a barrier

She breaks through!!!!

And jaxon bites cole!!!!!!! ALMOST KILLS COLE!!!!!!!!!!!

“This is your only warning”

CH 47: the first bite is the deepest

Jaxon pulls grace away, this whole time grace’s inner monologue is her feeling responsible for the carnage

“I won’t hurt you” “I know” “you know? do you have a death wish?”

But jaxon is so disgusted at himself that she's just like “well did he deserve to almost be killed?” She has accepted this shit with sociopathic speed

“The power you wield...it’s unfathomable” sis has turned the corner

“You don’t scare me jaxon”

They flipped the script and she breaks down his defenses and it’s kind of hot ngl

She tells him she needs him and he bites her??????

Ch 48: is that a wooden stake in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

They’re getting worse

But it’s not a hurting bite it’s like a sex bite…like she describes an orgasm basically..

Then they kiss

The earthquakes are jaxon! Called it

At this point I am sooooo annoyed because just make him a witch!!!! We really wanted the twilight combo so badly we made him a telekinetic earth-shaking vampire?????????

They go to his room...and she goes to his drum kit instead of his bed, you dumb bitch

Now they’re talking in the bed

The jokes are just so fucking bad

He cuts them off by pulling her on top of him and kissing her!!! In bed!!!! We ain’t in twilight no more henny

“The kiss curls my toes but the yank curls everything else” wut

“I don’t want you anywhere near that world, and I sure as hell don’t want that world anywhere near you” - someone. Anyone. Take a second pass

~~~