#for the record i don’t really give a shit about brendon but i also think going out of ur way to talk about every single thing he does

[neoriots]

no literally dallon weekes also deserves better than being know as just the guy that was in patd and personally after all the shit with his wife being why he finally left the band i think he deserves to shit talk them publicly all he wants. i would even support him beating brendon’s ass like i would look away i would not see it

okay see i get ur point but this is the exact shit im talking about 😭

let the guy make his own music and make snide comments if he wants (does he even do this? has he ever said something negative about the band/brendon? i don’t keep up w him like that ngl); what a lot of people forget is that these guys grew up and made music together for a long fucking time—sure they went their separate ways and have their hang ups but fans constantly encouraging them to hold onto rage against their teenage bands other ex-members and constantly talking about how much they obviously hate each other is so childish and is holding them back IMO.

[thefallenchildofthestars]

the perks of being a wallflower

i haven’t read the book yet and i do plan on it, i swear. BUT the movie comes off netflix today so i needed to watch it. my room doesn’t have a DVD player or i wouldn’t have bothered but it’s laright. 

i love charles, he’s really relatable. not super enjoying the social settings, doesn’t participate in class, doesn’t have any friends. perfect. i like patrick too, he’s the popular OH SAM SAM SAM yes there is sam. the samantha. the trio of friends who you would die to have. 

lmao i wish our high school football team was half as decent as theirs, maybe the games would be tolerable. 

slut and the falcon. living room routine.

god i wish i could do high school over again. i wouldn’t talk to anyone i wouldn’t look at anyone i wouldn’t meet anyone i wouldn’t do anything other than my schoolwork. no dating, no friends, just my family. 

i like the dynamic of him and his sister, it reminds me a lot of aubrey and i. 

oh the cliche’s i live for it. come on eileen is a good song too. but standing against the cement wall drinking shitty punch watching complete chaos unfold. 

and the cast of this movie!!! it’s to absolutely die for!!! i mean emma watson, obviously, speaks for itself. paul rudd as the fantastic english teacher support character. logan lerman? icon. erza miller is a really good actor. 

i would love to do weed brownies in someone’s random basement and talk to random girls about giving marching band letterman shit and how its not a sport and how its pointless to give it to them. 

“are you baked?” “like a cake” 

oh im gonna cry at this movie what the hell. i wanna feel noticed and welcomed. 

here we go the iconic scene, where its emma watson in the tunnel on the bed of the truck. where charle falls in love with sam for real this time, where it’s practically a visual tutorial of how to feel weightless and infinite.

i think that if i do end up switching schools (which will be kind of sad because then i don’t get to go to the cadaver lab) i will live my little indie movie fantasy. 

the rocky horror picture show!!! oh it makes me so happyyy. i want a group of friends like this oh my gosh. 

we accept the love we think we deserve.

okay season change, we are drifting into the christmas season. i wish that someone would study for the SAT’s with me,

below average!!!

i love the aggression towards mary elizabeth.

oh the stupid record for sam. and when charlie first puts on the suit!!! i think that is brendon urie on the wall but like i don’t think it fits the vibe. OH MY GOSH SHE GOT HIM A TYPEWRITER. IM GONNA CRYYYYYYYY.

write about us. i will. 

i just want to make sure that the first person who kisses you loves you. 

i love you charlie. i love you too.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. god this movie fills me up with stupid warm hope about life and love and oh my goddd.

the way that his brother and him talks about his mental health is so important. because im the only one who yk has gotten checked into a hospital (twice, thank you very much). who knows what’s going to happen next and im so sick and tired of not living my life but i also can’t live my life the way i want to while im at east because o people and that’s okay its not their fault, it’s mine really. but it would also be my fault if i never tried to give myself better. try to give myself tunnels and weed brownies and mixtapes and secret santas. 

oh the record. oh the record. 

i’m gonna have to sit down and watch the rocky horror picture show to get full context of the references to the movie but i’ve been meaning to watch it anyways. 

sometimes i forget its set in the 90s. the outfits, the language, the everything. oh god mary elizabeth i forgot she liked him since the beginning of the movie and it’s lame because charlie loves sam. oh just mary elizabeth flirting with charlie is bad. like i just never see them together and them making out is weird and OH IT SWITCHES TO SAM. woah boyfriend? 

i like that he still writes letters to his friend. it’s important to me. she really just bullies him for the things that he likes. and he just like wont break up with her.

OH OH OH YOU KNOW PATRICK he reminds me of conan gray!!! and maybe that’s why i like him so much oh my god. 

WOAH CHARLIE REALLY KISSED SAM INSTEAD OF MARY ELIZABETH bruhhh. like he really should have just dumped her like a week or two later. 

im worried about charlie now, because he’s getting worse again and mary elizabeth isn’t helping. and patrick got caught and now everything is going to shit and holy crap everything is rushing back and everything hurts

hearing the story about patricks breakup with his boyfried and then he kissed charlie and he was so okay abuot it because he knew that he was hurting and he just wanted him to be okay. and then everyone started getting accepted into college.

charlie is getting worse and the blackouts are getting worse and im worried that he is going to attempt and its the last day of his freshman year and i don’t want him to.

this gives very unrealisitc ideas about high school and it makes me very upset. but it’s okay. sam is still with her jackass of a boyfriend. OFC HE WAS CHEATING ON HER FUCK. 

nothing hates u.

charlie kissing sam and calling her beautiful and it makes me so happy that he kissed her. i hate that she is crying when she kisses him goodbye and i hate that she has to say goodbye and now he’s going to be alone again because all of his friends are gone. and i cant breathe and hes in the hospital.

this movie broke me. 

we are infinite.

[ambitionsource]

did you guys ever have voice casts for the characters? like people/singers you think the characters would sound like n all that? if so would you mind sharing them?

This is such an interesting question... admittedly, Es and I hadn’t really thought about it! We especially just think about the actual actors for those who already sing, but we can provide a couple other samples for each person if it intrigues you to know! Let’s see...

FARKLE | Corey actually does sing -- though not often in this version of reality -- but I do believe he has some professional training. We think of this song he’s recorded in particular, which I think is a really good example of how he sounds circa S1 in my head (this song is actually a bop. The YT version cuts out like 20 seconds too early but I found a version on Tumblr last year that was full so now I have it on my phone LMAO let’s go 2015 Corey). Anyway, it’s that pretty stereotypical power tenor vibe. A couple more comparisons I suggest are:

Jonathan Groff -- I think Jonathan Groff is the best comparison I can make. He’s theatrical, he has a pretty impressive range, but he rests pretty comfortably in the natural tenor range. Like he can do Kristoff one minute and King George from Hamilton the next, and I think that is equitable to Farkle’s range. The man key is that he’s a powerful vocalist. I think Farkle’s true center of his voice has a higher resting place than Groff, but it’s close enough. Example track: Bohemian Rhapsody. One of Glee’s best and an amazing display of Groff’s vocal range in one track. Farkle could match this beat for beat, flair for flair.

Chris Colfer -- I think that the flair Chris Colfer brings to a lot of his performances on Glee match well to Farkle’s vocal stylings as well (which is why he’s done a few performances with that version), but to be clear, I think Colfer’s voice is softer / higher than Farkle’s. It’s more about... emotion and inflection here than tone. Example track: Not the Boy Next Door. Farkle did this on the show, so you know we endorse it. This was also the track Esther brought up when I asked for her opinion.

Brendon Urie -- I think that Urie’s range is really akin to Farkle’s. I don’t think Farkle has at all the same kind of flair or inflection that Urie does (and Farkle is obviously more Broadway than radio), but on certain tracks I think it’s pretty cross applicable. Example track: Dying In LA

I’ll continue this under a read more to spare everyone who doesn’t want to read on because clearly this will be lengthy LOL.

RILEY | I have not heard Rowan sing since the thinly attached source material theme song days, so I honestly don’t think of her much as Riley’s voice (though I think she could do it if trained for it). Especially because of all the mains, Riley is one of the ones who is meant to be less trained and unimposing. For me, the most important quality to Riley’s voice is that it’s not overwhelming. It’s beautiful, and leaves an impact when you listen, but it’s never going to be Maya or Zay’s big, brassy vocals. And that’s fine. That’s what makes it unique in the landscape of the show (and why it appeals to Lucas rather than turns him away). A couple more comparisons I suggest are:

Amanda Seyfried -- I admittedly only know Seyfried’s work in the first Mamma Mia film, but she has the right delicate soprano that I envision Riley having. It’s like... a lilting, soft thing that’s enjoyable to listen to but can escalate into strong belting if needed and handle it effectively enough. Example track: Thank You For Music. Literally a perfect track for Riles.

Phillipa Soo -- Another great example of a powerful soprano player. Case in point enough that we’ve had Riley do a Eliza Hamilton song on the show already. Gentle and gorgeous, but sharp and intense when it needs to be. Example track: Burn.

mxmtoon -- First of all, let this be my plug that everyone should listen to mxmtoon. I love her. She has this lovely gentle voice and her instrumentation is so good. Her EP dusk is gorgeous and I cannot recommend it enough. But she is a great non-theater example of what I think Riley’s voice is like. She varies between ukulele and piano, and everything is just really understated and nice. Example track: show and tell.

MAYA | This is easy. I literally don’t have to say like anything. She just is Sab. That’s it. Like Sab is a phenomenal vocalist and she’s brassy and bold and has range and that’s all Maya is. Like literally that’s it LOL. If you need examples, hit her discography, but I’ll specifically highlight “Sue Me,” “Looking At Me,” and “Diamonds Are Forever” aka the Sab songs we’ve had her do on the show.

ZAY | Zay is an interesting one, because I don’t really think he fits any specific category in my head. He kind of defies definition. He definitely has a brassy swing to him that allows him to pull off showstopping numbers (like his Kossal audition with “Ain’t No Way”), but he can pull it back and reshape it to fit breathtaking musical theater renditions (like “Music and the Mirror”) or banging contemporary (think “Consideration” or “Self Control”) in a way that I don’t think Farkle or Maya can. He is the most vocally versatile of the bunch, and that makes his comparisons sort of wide-reaching as well. I’m not really familiar with Amir’s vocal ability outside of rap (so at least we know he can do that), but based purely on what I hear in my imagination, a few comparisons:

Leslie Odom Jr. -- A younger and less polished Odom, to be clear, but this is a big one for me. I think Odom’s vocal strength and range is so impressive, and what really strikes me is how... grounded and resonant his voice is. That’s a big thing for Zay for me -- you never doubt he’ll be able to support his vocals and that they’re strongly rooted. If he ever cracked or ran out of breath, it would be a shock. This is also really tied to Zay because of how much I would kill to see him perform “Wait For It” and how I feel like it’s such a Zay song. But anywho... Example track: Wait For It.

Frank Ocean -- Ocean has such a cool interesting range and does a lot of things with his performances vocally, so that’s why he’s on here in that he also defies definition. I think Zay also considers Ocean a musical inspiration, so it makes sense that he would adopt or emulate some of his style. I feel like he also translates emotion well, which is a key Zay trait too. Example track: Godspeed.

Amber Riley -- Now hear me out here. Obviously, Zay is a baritone and Amber is like a mezzo soprano / alto / what have you, but the reason I’m listing this Glee legend as a comp is because the quality of her performances is so sharp. It’s like, any time Amber performed on the show it was jawdropping. Her vocal runs are insane, the power behind her vocals is awe-inspiring. She captivates you from the first note, and that is why I always think of Zay. That’s how it is when he performs too, especially in moments where he’s trying to sell it (like his Kossal audition). I wouldn’t be giving my authentic comparisons if I didn’t mention this. So there. Example track: And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going (I would sell my soul to see Zay perform this. Please. PLEASE. Maybe I’ll crowdsource with Charlie and we’ll both sell our kidneys).

CHARLIE | Speaking of Charlie, he’s an interesting one, too. I honestly didn’t really... have a concept of how he sounded in my head, but then when I learned that Tanner sings, it was not at all whatever was deep in my head. But I love his voice, so I think I kind of ended up reconfiguring my perception of what Charlie sounds like around that revelation and now I’m still kind of trying to figure out exactly what that sounds like in the context of the show. The thing is, though, I think Charlie also doesn’t really know what his style is (LMAO), so it’s okay that we’re experimenting a little bit. Like in S1, the few times he sang, it was all over the place but mainly radio. Then in S2, he did predominantly musical theater duets. And now in S3, we’ve really just gone all over the map (from punk-rock opera with “Superstar” to bubblegum pop with “Party For One”) and there’s a lot of fun in that. Where Charlie will land, I don’t know yet, but I will share with you all Tanner’s only recorded song at this point and you all can start to orient yourselves from there. But a few other ideas to get the ball rolling:

Norbert Leo Butz -- Now here’s the thing... Charlie doesn’t sound like this LOL. The reason I’m including Butz is because I started writing about Jeremy Jordan and his rendition of “If I Didn’t Believe In You” and Jordan’s rendition is truly just so inferior that I realized no, I really don’t think Charlie sounds like Jeremy Jordan. So then I ended up here, and you know what, here’s the thing. I think an older Charlie would sound like Norbert Leo Butz. Like, give him 10 or so years, and this is where he’ll settle. To a degree at least -- I don’t think he’ll ever go quite as brassy or bold as Butz can lean sometimes, but the way he like... emotes through his vocals feels extremely Charlie, and the range is about right in terms of voice part. Anyway, give him 10 years, and then get to the point with this amazing example track that is one of my favorite musical theater tracks ever even though I hate the character who sings it. Example track: If I Didn’t Believe In You.

Oshima Brothers -- The shape of the O bros vocals don’t quite match how I hear Charlie in my head (they’re a bit too flat), but the essence of their performances resonate with him very strongly. It’s that gentle, soft-spoken acoustic vibe that I think is so core to Charlie’s performing delivery, which is part of why he’s so consistently overlooked even when he proves time and time again that he can bring compelling vocals (i.e. Haverford’s semi-finals setlist). Example track: Cadence.

Harry Styles -- It’s funny to think that if Charlie saw I was comparing him to Harry Styles he would lose his shit, but I want to be very specific about why and under what conditions I’m including him as a comparison (as he’ll show up on another person’s list too). I think Styles specifically works as a comp for Charlie in regards to the general tone and quality of his voice, in particular when it is on a softer acoustic (like “Cherry” or “Sweet Creature”) and when it’s more upbeat (like “Lights Up”). Like I’m not out here being like Charlie is as good as Harry Styles LOL, but I think the core qualities of their voices are similar. Especially when cross-compared with the other examples above along with Tanner’s actual voice. Example track: Sweet Creature.

ISADORA | Isadora is an anomaly of sorts, since she’s that character archetype where they never expected to be a singer but then ended up being talented anyway (Asher is in the same box). I tend to imagine her with a defined alto register, and a slightly huskier, gravelly tone as compared to Maya’s polished, trained vocals and Riley’s gentle, chime-like resonance. So it’s like... gritty, in a way? I have never heard Ceci sing, though I’ve been told she has once upon a time, but I am working basically from scratch in regards to how I imagine her. So without further ado, some comparisons I suggest:

Jorja Smith -- I think Jorja is the most Isa-like track we’ve had her do on the show thus far, to my brain at least. She has this charming edge to her vocals even when they’re on the softer side which is exactly what I envision for her, and I think there’s such a strong definition to when she jumps into her lower register. Whereas with Isa, I think it would be the same, but reaching into her upper notes would be even more of an audible stretch. Example track: Don’t Watch Me Cry.

Dua Lipa -- Another strong alto here, which automatically tracks Isadora for me. Dua especially has that husky quality I was describing. I would recommend all of her Live Acoustic EP to get a sense of what I’m highlighting most as a comparable, but it’s just that like... slight grit, gonna-kick-your-ass alto excellence. It’s so hard to articulate so I hope you get what I’m saying LOL. Example track: Tears Dry On Their Own Acoustic.

Madison Reyes -- I don’t know how many of y’all have watched Julie and the Phantoms yet, but it’s fun. And Madison has a great voice, which made her another good comp for Isadora. Same thing of like that unpolished but compelling belter, slightly gravelly quality. Example track: Wake Up.

LUCAS | Obviously, Lucas doesn’t sing all that often. And when we do give him songs, or roles in songs, most of the time it’s of a variation where he can more talk-sing the words than actually Sing. But he’s not totally exempt, so he deserves a comparison. For me, it’s like... the way Lucas would tell it it’s like he’s the worst singer ever in the history of the universe and you should never hear him, but honestly he’s like. Fine. He’s not great and he would never have gotten into the school for singing, but he’s not terrible. He’s passable. When he tries, it’s charming. I think the biggest key that makes him different from everyone else is he doesn’t have much of a range -- when I pick songs for him, I always try to go for ones that kind of stay within the same octave or register for the entirety so it’s almost like monotone singing, because that’s about what he can handle decently (his performance in 211 being an exception, of course, because it had to be). So, comparing accordingly:

Harry Styles -- I warned you he’d be back again, but this criteria is even more hyper-specific than Charlie. I think Styles is a great comp for Lucas in the very limited tracks where he is not showing off in any capacity and is really just keeping it stripped down and to the point (think “To Be So Lonely”). His cover of “Girl Crush” is another good example of what I mean. It’s basically like the same 4 or 5 notes and very little movement or flash, and his voice kind of takes on a grittier, flatter quality which is what I’m aiming for. Example track: From the Dining Table

That’s really it honestly. He doesn’t perform enough to warrant much else. You get the idea lmao.

ASHER | Although we didn’t expect it back in the days of S1, Asher has certainly jumped up to take spotlight in terms of performing in the last couple of seasons! Ricky (along with Liam) are actual singers and were together in a band for several years, so there’s no doubt they can sing and I think of their voices most often (in particular, I recommend the “Compass” music video, because it’s a good song and allows you to actively see which boy is singing what). But admittedly, Ricky’s handful of solo tracks since FIYM went on hiatus are average at best (and his lyricism... king you need Liam to write your lyrics LMAO), so I don’t usually jump to his music as examples of what I think he -- or Asher -- is actually capable of. So with Ricky’s good vocals as a base, here are some additional comparisons:

Ruel -- Cannot stress this one enough. There’s a reason Asher’s true initial debut was Ruel’s best track (”Younger”). He just has that perfect like... strong tenor with soft edges that feels very teenage twink and very Asher. It’s not quite Diva!Asher flair, but at Asher’s most base vocal style, I think Ruel is the perfect match. Example track: Down For You

Troye Sivan -- Same kind of traits here in terms of like smooth tenor, and in this case it actually is a certified twink singing so the crossover is even more apt. I don’t think Asher is as... electronic as Troye’s production often is, but the general range of his voice is close enough to be considered a match. Example track: 10/10

DYLAN | So same FIYM video shared in Asher’s applies here as well, but I think what works so well about Liam’s voice in regards to Dylan is that I think the key trait to Dylan is that he’s not flashy. When I think about Liam’s voice (and I love his voice, he’s my favorite FIYM member), I often think about when Sue on Glee called Quinn’s voice a “soft, forgettable alto,” but only it’s a tenor and I mean it in a nice way. The most endeared way. Dylan is less about being impressive and more about just like... character. His voice is not the best in the bunch but you can feel how him all of his performances are through his inflections and his energy. That’s what Dylan vocally feels like to me. So aside from his soft, forgettable tenor on the second verse of “Compass,” here’s a couple other niche comparisons for Dyl Pickle:

Princeton in Avenue Q -- Whenever “Purpose” comes on shuffle, I think about Dylan because of how distinct and energetic the delivery of the song is. There’s just so many little quirks and inflections and moments of fun within the vocals, and that reminds me so much of how Dylan performs. Little laughs, free-wheeling runs, stuff like that. Example track: Purpose.

Graham Verchere -- This dude like isn’t even actually a singer and he isn’t that big an actor, but I love love love his rendition of “Thirteen” with Grace VanderWaal and every time I listen to it I think about Dylan and Asher. It captures the other end of Dylan’s range for me (the soft, forgettable tenor thing) in the sense of like... imagining Dylan plucking out songs for fun on his guitar while hanging out with Asher and then playfully serenading him and the two of them doing a carefree, easy duet like this. I just love it. So I’ll include it. Example track: Thirteen.

[imagining-supernatural]

The Work Call

Part 18 of Seventy Percent

Series Summary: When you left on your trip to Vegas, you’d planned on letting loose for one last weekend before heading back to reality and getting your affairs in order so your best friend wouldn’t be left cleaning up your mess when your cancer finally ended your life. What you hadn’t counted on was waking up married to a celebrity who has a knight-in-shining-armor complex, connections with an oncologist, and amazing insurance…

Chapter Summary:  You call your boss to get some work to do in your free time and do a little flirting ;)

Word Count: 2,258

With Sebastian off in Georgia for a week, you felt like a teenager whose parents just left her home for alone for the first time. Suddenly, you could break all of the rules. Not that your rule-breaking was something that would get you in too much trouble…

Since the press seemed to have gotten it through their heads that you were off limits, you finally had your privacy and space back again. As a result, you were taking advantage of the last few weeks of autumn before the snow came. After your hospital appointments, you walked down the street to a cute little café and sat in one of the over-sized, plush chairs for a bit. You’d either bring a book or your laptop.

On Wednesday, the café cat apparently decided you were okay and hopped up into your lap, purring loudly as you read. You’d snapped a quick selfie and sent it off to Sebastian.

Me: [image attached] Don’t be surprised if you come home this weekend and I’ve catnapped ol’ Misty here

Sebastian: What if I’m allergic to cats?

Me: Sucks to be you, I guess

Me: The apartment’s lonely without you

You stared at the last text you’d sent, suddenly overthinking it. Sure, you were married. And, sure, you were wearing his ring now. But you two hadn’t really discussed what that meant, exactly. So was that last text too strong? Too forward?

Hell, you didn’t even know what you’d meant by it.

Sebastian: Don’t know how I feel about being able to be replaced by a cat

Sebastian: Maybe I need to up my game

Up his game?

Shit, it had been so long since you’d flirted with anyone. So long since you’d even considered a relationship. After your hellish life growing up, you’d put all of your focus into school. You were determined to set yourself up for a better life than the one you were born into. Then you graduated and worked hard to secure your place at your job. School only taught you so much, and you needed to be able to apply what you learned to real life.

Once you felt secure in your professional life and you were finally ready to start exploring a relationship, you found out you had cancer.

So to say you were woefully underprepared for this situation would be the understatement of the year.

Me: Luckily for you, I like Jenny’s coffee so much that I don’t want her to hate me for stealing her cat

Sebastian: You still thought a cat would replace me

Sebastian: That hurts, sweetheart

Sweetheart. In writing. 

Me: I’ll find some way to make you feel better this weekend

Oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.

Why did you never read over your texts before you sent them?

At least you hadn’t put a winky face emoji. Now that would have been a disaster.

Not that you didn’t want your relationship with Sebastian to keep going. You did. But there was a lot more pressure riding on this than there was back in high school when you went to the prom with Brad Trayton, or in college when you slept with the guy from your Chemistry 101 lab three times before having to break it off with him because he always smelled like bacon.

This was Sebastian Fucking Stan. And you were married to the guy. And you were in a literal life or death situation. If things went badly with him, that would make the rest of your cancer treatment very awkward, to say the least.

Sebastian: I’m sure you will…

Sebastian: I gotta go to a script reading rn. Skype tonight?

Me: Of course

You’d been Skyping with Seb at least twice a day since he left on Sunday night. It was almost like he never left, in that regard.

But with him gone, you found that you had a lot of free time on your hands. With your body starting to get used to the cancer treatment, you also had a bit more energy and nowhere to put that energy to good use.

So you called your old boss back home, dialing his direct extension to avoid getting his assistant. The press might have backed off, but thanks to the updates from Jasmin, people who knew you were still reeling over your marriage.

“Plathway.”

“Hey, Brendon, it’s Y/N.”

“Y/N!” he exclaimed, and you could just imagine him leaning back in his chair. Brendon Plathway was your mentor and had grown into a close friend. Of everyone in your life, you would say he was the closest thing to a good father figure you had. “How are you doing? I’ve seen your name on Facebook a few times.”

“I’m doing pretty good, all things considered. I’m in a clinical study in New York and the doctors are optimistic that it’ll work. They’re hoping I’ll get the tumor out sometime in February.”

“Oh, that’s wonderful,” Brendon said. “And that husband of yours… he treating you well?”

“It’s not… it’s not quite like that. But yeah. He’s great.” It was a pretty decent segue into the reason for your call. “He’s actually out of town, shooting for a TV show. So I have a bit of time on my hands and was hoping—”

“Y/N Y/L/N?”

The unfamiliar voice interrupted you before you could finish. You looked up to see a guy about your age with a newsboy bag, notebook, and tape recorder.

A fucking journalist.

“I thought it was you. You mind if I ask you a few questions?” He didn’t say it like a question, nor did he give you time to respond before he sat on a stool beside you and set up shop on the small table. “If I could write an article on you, it would just—”

“I’m actually on a phone call right now.”

“Oh, I won’t take too long. I just can’t pass up this opportunity. You’re quite the enigma. No one’s gotten your side of the story.”

“And neither will you. I’m not going to answer any questions.”

He completely ignored you, flicked on the recorder, and put his pen to paper. “People have been saying that you planned your rendezvous with Sebastian Stan in Vegas. What do you say to that?”

“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I have no comment for you.”

“I thought you’d appreciate the chance to get your story out there. There are some nasty rumors spreading—”

You cut him off before he could continue. “I know my story and the people I care about know my story. I will not be answering any questions for you today.”

“Do you feel no guilt for being the reason Sebastian Stan’s reputation has taken a massive hit?”

“I’m going to give you one more chance to leave me the fuck alone before I call the cops.” He opened his mouth, but you spoke over him, voice lowering to a red-hot hiss. “And if you write a single word of this conversation or make any sort of insinuations that I said anything at all, I will slap you and whatever blog or magazine you work for with a libel lawsuit. Don’t even think about trying to manipulate your recording because you’re not the only one who has been recording this conversation. The phone call you interrupted was with my boss and it’s company policy to record all incoming and outgoing phone calls. He’s a witness that I repeatedly rejected your attempt to start an interview and anything else you say can be construed as harassment. Have I made myself clear?”

He stared at you, wide eyed. Guess he hadn’t expected a cancer patient to be so blunt. Nevertheless, he gathered his things and stood. Just before walking away, he muttered, “You didn’t have to be such a bitch about it.”

Once he was gone, you groaned. “Sorry about that, Bren.”

“Is that something you have to deal with often? That’s horrible.”

“No. Not since I got sick because stupid reporters were sticking their germy microphones in my face and Seb threatened them with lawyers.”

Brendon hmphed. “Well, you sounded like you had that speech prepared. Sounded like you’d said it a few times.”

“Before he left, Seb made sure I knew how to threaten any reporters like that. Luckily this was the first time I’ve had to remember what he told me.” The reporter had shaken you, and it took a few deep breaths before you felt calm enough to continue with your conversation. “Anyway, back to my original reason for calling… Are there are projects I could jump on long distance? I’ll probably only be able to put in about ten to fifteen good hours of work a week, but it’d be nice to have something to do other than wait for new episodes of my shows to come on Hulu.”

“Let me poke around the office a bit. I know there’s a big one coming up next week. Rachel’s heading that one. You’ve worked with her before right? She’d probably appreciate your input. Trent is in the middle of one for a pharmaceutical company, but he’s not feeling too sure about it. I’ll see if he wants you to try and hack the system and find holes.”

“Anything. I’ve worked with both of them before and I think we work well together. I did quite a few initial proposals before I left for Vegas and I enjoyed those more than most people do.”

He promised he’d send any projects your way that he could. After a few more minutes of catching up, you ended the call and headed outside to wait for Sean in the chilly fall air.

“How was the reading?” you asked later that night. “Any juicy plot lines?”

“Not that I can tell you,” Seb replied. The phone in his hand shifted as he settled further into the hotel bed that Marvel was putting him up in. “But it was good. We’ll start shooting tomorrow.”

“Excited to lube up your arm?”

He laughed, head falling back against the headboard. “I take it you finally did some research on me?”

“A little. The hospital was running behind today, so I was there a bit longer than I planned and I fell down the YouTube abyss of interviews. Anthony seems like a fun guy to work with.”

Sebastian grinned. “He is. Speaking of work, did you call your boss?”

“Yeah.” The reminder of the phone call – or rather of the interruption – made your roll your eyes.

“Didn’t go well?”

“No, no. It did.” You knew your news was not going to go over well with Seb, so you took a minute to get settled into the bed. It had been a long day and laying down felt good. You turned your laptop on its side so your face would still be the right way on Seb’s phone. “Brendon’s gonna check around work and find some projects and work to throw my way. That’s all good.”

“Then what is it?”

With a deep sigh, you began. “While I was on the phone with him, some hipster reporter dude interrupted.”

“Son of a—”

“It took a minute to get it through his thick skull that I was not going to give him a story but he finally left. It just kinda took a bit out of me.”

“God, Y/N. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.”

“It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Yeah, it’s not,” you agreed softly. “But you prepared me. I handled it. Then Sean made me eat dinner with him and his wife. She’s an amazing cook. Sometime when you’re home, they want to have both of us over. And when this is all over, we definitely need to think of a hell of a way to thank him for everything. He’s done so much more than a driver gets paid to.”

The two of you brainstormed for a bit about how to repay Sean for his kindness and friendship. Then your conversation moved on to different subjects, bouncing around for a bit until you yawned for the third time in five minutes.

“You seem more tired than usual. You doing okay?”

“I’m fine. I mean, I haven’t been sleeping well, but that’s your fault.”

“My fault?” he asked.

“Yeah. You made me sleep next to you for two weeks then you just up and leave me alone. It’s rude, Mr. Stan.”

Something in your words sparked something in his eyes that filled you with… excitement?

“Well, Mrs. Stan…” His words were accompanied by a wink that stopped your heart. Forget your brain tumor. Sebastian was going to be the source of your death. “You only have two more nights before I’m home for the weekend.”

Flirting? Were you flirting?

“Two nights with you and five nights without you is just not a fraction I like.”

My god, you were flirting.

“If you can convince Marvel to move their studios to New York, I’m all game. Until then, we’ll have to make the best of those two nights.”

“Make the best of them, hmm?”

“Yeah,” he said in a low voice. “Mackie’s commentary on The Voice isn’t as good as yours. I’ve been waiting to watch the new episodes until I’m with you.”

The unexpected twist made you laugh out loud. It didn’t escape your attention how his eyes crinkled at the sound, affection flooding his expression. “The Voice on Friday and Dancing With The Stars on Saturday?”

“I’ll pen it in my calendar, sweetheart.”

“Ooo. I’m pen-worthy. That’s so much better than pencil-worthy.”

“You’re white-out-worthy, baby. I’d white-out plans I have with someone else to pen in plans with you.”

Fucking hell. Baby was a new one.

If he’d put on half this much charm on you in Vegas when you were drunk, it was no wonder you’d married him.

“Then I guess I need to go erase the pencil plans I had for Saturday evening and make room for you. Maybe even buy a special pen just for you.”

“Maybe wait for tomorrow? You’ve had a long day. Seems like you need a good night’s rest.”

“You too, hun.” The pet name felt foreign on your tongue, but it somehow felt… right? “Shooting starts tomorrow. You need to be ready to keep up with Mackie’s energy.”

“He wants to meet’cha, you know. Apparently I haven’t shut up about you.’

“Gimme a few more weeks to get used to this treatment and maybe I can spend more than three seconds around him without needing a nap,” you joked. “Unless he only has that energy when there’s a camera on him…?”

Seb laughed. “That is him all the damn time.”

“Then I better let you go for the night. You’ve spent the last few weeks shlumping around with me. Gotta get your rest to keep up with him tomorrow.”

“And you gotta get your rest so you can hand out candy tomorrow.”

“I’m excited for that, actually. Trick or Treating really slowed down back in Utah lately. I think last year I got, like, maybe three groups of kids?”

“You’ll get your fill this year. A lot of the kids in the apartment complex go to every door. Just be careful, okay? I don’t want you getting sick.”

It took twenty more minutes before you were finally able to say your goodbyes and hang up. You stared at your phone for a moment before placing it on the side table beside Sebastian’s bed and turning off the light.  

Houston, we've got some flirting!!! Also can we just take a minute to appreciate how amazing Sean is? But things seem to be looking up!

CHAPTER 19: THE LONG DAY

[prettyoddfever]

P!ATD – journal entries during the 2005 Nintendo Fusion Tour

I don’t have all of these or the pictures that went with some, but this is a start! I’m also condensing the formatting to save space. 

RYAN’S LIVEJOURNAL

September 27: whisper babe..i’m as good as it gets in this town. whisper babe..i’m a fever you can’t sweat out. these are my deepest thoughts and secrets under a microscope or under a spotlight. forgive me if i’m not quite ready to give them to you.it’s just such a different feeling..when i see you smiling and singing back to me, i’m still playing different pictures in my head that aren’t so pleasant. i’m doing my best now to live in the song and not just the meaning. thank you all for picking up our record today. it’s the biggest thing any of us have ever done and it’s a great feeling to know all the thoughts and second guesses haven’t gone unnoticed.

October 8: no more sleeping in the coffin. We are Oliver Twist.We are Edward Scissorhands. We’re just make believe. I’m living a fairy tale.and you’re all in it.

October 10: she’s dreaming of him i’m dreamingofher.

October 20: “finding faith in bathroom stalls…”

October 25: my oh my. things are well enough.never happy with where i’m at,i really am trying to work on that. i’m the kid in high school you never gave a fuck about. now i’m signing your t-shirt.go figure. you and me, we should make a secret song. but i don’t know if you’re into it. but do i ever,nope. everypicturetakesapieceofme.

(November 1: Jac posted “he kissed me...” on her livejournal.)

November 2: can you still feel the butterflies? wow.halloween is the new valentines day. i’m feeling quite a bit better now because of you.

November 6: so everyone knows everything about me, I get it. everything you ever hear, is also true all the time.okay? eatitup. love –ry

November 14: look what i got.there’s still a little bit of your taste in my mouth…

somewhere around this point Jac posted “Ryan Ross has a girlfriend.” 

November 19: i’m so sick it makes me happy,i’m so happy it makes me sick. jacspoonsoon. we become the things we do

BRENDON’S LIVEJOURNAL

September 30: john, I'm only dancing. capri sun surfer coolers and twizzlers. the van. album just dropped. on tour with fall out boy. holy shit. thisismylife. thank you to everyone who has picked up the album or come out to see us. i hope you enjoyed it. we aim to please. and guess what ladies and gentlemen? he doesn’t just sing for your entertainment, he’s an actor now too. well on his way to becoming a triple threat. if only he could remember what that third thing was. “she turns me on, but i'm only dancing. she turns me on, don’t get me wrong i'm only dancing.” ... oh yeah, now i remember.

October 4: i got the magic stick i love new york, so says the shirt i got the last time we were there. headed there now. someone else is driving. finally. skittles are the best candy ever. jell-o can be surprisingly filling. i owe brent 827345920 dollars. he doesn’t think i'm funny. mcdonalds sucks and half a mcflurry does not a meal make. but a pretty smile and good conversation go a long way to improving the state of things. shorty don’t believe me, then come with me tonight. and i’ll show you maaagic. (what? what?) thank you for coming out to see us.

October 18: oh juliet, deny your name, your father. ryan and i are sitting in a really nice dressing room at the hard rock live in orlando. there isn't much to do when you show up early at the venues. i walked around with our friend "merch dan" at the universal studios shops. not too much going on there either. so now im eating pb&j; and watching romeo & juliet. have fun at the show tonight, boys and girls.

October 30: but you. you were my favorite… just got home about an hour ago. last day at home for another month. the show last night in tucson went well i think. we are definitely lucky to be on this tour. thank you all. cant stop thinking about her. she's my favorite.

November 10: keep your chin up child and wipe the tears from your eyes the clarion of kansas city, missouri. oh how sweet life is. less than 2 weeks left of tour. the bands have been great. parting is such sweet sorrow. less than 2 weeks closer to seeing her.

November 28: feels like home to me glad to be back. time to lay low for a while. congratu-fucking-lations to everyone that knows everything about me. keep it up. youre doing a great job…

FBR JOURNAL

October 4: The Nintendo Fusion Tour has been ridiculous so far. We've never seen so many kids at a show, much less played in front of so many. Kara from BNO is going to make me into a classical piano player which I'm pretty excited about. Lessons starting tomorrow. Anyway thanks to all of you who have already picked up our record, you suprised us, we greatly appreciate it! We've been in Canada for the past few days and the weather is perfect up here at this time of year. Montreal has alot of French speaking folks and some strange things on the menu at McDonald's and wierd junk food at gas stations. Sea salt and black pepper potato chips? hmm. -Ryan ps. secret show in nyc next week. we're not good with secrets. more info soon.

October 6: wishyouwerehere

the band’s myspace posts were mostly about where to find new interviews, songs, etc. so here are the updates from their site:

November 6:  boise, seattle, blame mother nature for our absences. we've run into some bad luck lately, missed the last two shows, and now we've broken down again, trying to make it to the great salt lake. we will drive our little hearts out though soon as she's fixed, hopefully we're not too late. PANICISAMACHINE -Ryan

November 10: okay, so this past week has been quite a mess. First we missed boise due to bad weather,everyone else missed seattle because of bad weather, our van died,and we missed salt lake city. We appologize for all of this,we'll make it up to you all asap.We got ourselves a new van in hopes of preventing to many heavy breakdowns from now on. -Ryan

November 28: We just wanted to give a quick thank you to everybody who came out early and supported us on The Nintendo Fusion Tour. You all amazed us every night. As you know, our December shows are coming up, and all but a couple are sold out. If you didn't get a chance to get tickets to those shows or the NFT shows, we wanted to give you a heads up that tickets to our February/March tour with The Academy Is..., Acceptance and Hellogoodbye go on sale tomorrow (November 29th) at 10am...  A bigger update is on the way as well as a new site! -panic!

[adultswim2021]

Ephemera Week (2002)

I really wonder how effectively I’ll be able to do this in 2003. In 2003, Adult Swim started doing the black and white text bumps, where they give max sass and NO EFFS (fucks), so every week had unique content. I definitely don’t have the resources to catalogue every bumper or even come up with a decent “best of”. Ephemera Corner 2003 may look very different. To quote my good friend Zorak, “Brak, do you ever think about the future?”. To this I say, yes. Yes, Zorak, I do.

BROADCAST ANOMALIES AND SPECIAL NIGHTS!

Adult Swim Action (and other stuff) | February 23, 2002

February 23rd was the first installment of Adult Swim Action. Up to this point, Adult Swim aired a block of mostly comedy capped off with Cowyboy Bebop. This was the first formal separation of Action and Comedy. I remember the bitter rivalry between the two fandoms on various message boards I posted on. It really did seem like a venn diagram with almost no overlap; action fans hated the comedy shows (maybe they liked one or two but hated the rest) and the same went for the comedy fans, except most of the comedy fans I knew were devout anime haters.

At the height of my anime animosity an internet ex-friend of mine started a message board called ANIME SUCKS. It was an experience I’ll always remember fondly. At it’s peak it had over 1000 members. All but about a dozen of those members were actually ANGRY anime fans who just stumbled on the board and were FURIOUS at us for being anti-anime, and we’d just act like obtuse dickheads about it. Like, we’d act stupider than they were and just wind them up.

We developed a few tricks to really set somebody off. For example: they’d write an impassioned defense of anime as an art form, and say something like “it’s not all like Pokemon or Dragonball Z”, to which we’d reply “actually those are the only two animes I like”. This really got them. There was a special thrill to just replying “miyazaki is an idiot” to a guy’s 6-paragraph essay about why anime was “good, actually”, prompting an even longer response. It was really fun! We didn’t have to harass people online, they’d just come to us to get abused. I’ve never seen bait get taken so effortlessly. One day that guy just closed the message board, locked everyone out, and disappeared forever.

That was some aside, huh? Anyway, the arrival of Adult Swim Action meant that Adult Swim stopped airing the Thursday night repeats of Adult Swim Comedy, which was a shame. It Also meant Adult Swim’s Sunday night had an extra hour to fill, which they did with Rocky & Bullwinkle and the Popeye Show. People complained. I didn’t. Vintage animation is just a different take on the “adult” label. Besides, I was used to tuning out by 12AM anyway, so even if I didn’t like those shows (I did!) I wasn’t missing anything, really. But yes, if it were a full hour of Space Ghost repeats I guess that would’ve been better.

The Lewis Lectures | May 19, 2002 - 12:45 AM

A repeat of Lewis Lectures? IT HAPPENED! But what was so different about this broadcast of Lewis Lectures? Well, they accidentally scrambled the SAP audio with the default English audio, causing the Spanish soundtrack to play in tandem with the English one. It was bloody well fucked mate. This is simply no longer England.

I remember becoming an Adult Swim completist and taping this, considering it some kind of void in my collection. Part of me wishes I saved the recording, so I could combine it with the inferior YouTube rip currently up and have a closer-to-pristine copy than the one that’s available. But also, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST THIS IS LEWIS LECTURES WE ARE TALKING ABOUT. How much pain can I inflict on myself?

Harvey Birdman: Attorney at Law Mini-Marathon | September 15, 2002 - 11:00 PM

On this night they aired a little Harvey Birdman marathon of the 4 episodes. This was kinda baffling, as Birdman had 6 episodes to its name and they’d been repeated into the ground by this point. I guess it goes to show that Adult Swim kinda considered Birdman to be their prestige program. I’m hard-pressed to call any one Adult Swim show “smart” in a way that’s apparent on a shallow level. Birdman is set in a courtroom, animated the most competently out of all their other shows, and involved cultural references in a showy way. Like, Space Ghost having Dave Willis absurdly shout “UP THE CHAIN” in the background of a Space Ghost episode is almost just a weird easter egg. But Birdman? Birdman was name-dropping Hanna Barbera characters the same way Frasier would talk about whatever gay shit Frasier talked about.

They aired The Dabba Don, Shaggy Busted, Shoyu Weenie, Very Personal Injury in that order. I would’ve swapped Shaggy and Shoyu and for Bannon Custody Battle and Death by Chocolate, but that’s just me, I guess.

Adult Swim New Years Bash hosted by Carl and Brak | December 31, 2002 - 11:00 PM

Adult Swim officially ended 2002 with this: a night hosted by Carl and Brak in Times Square, watching the ball drop (which was FREAKING MEATWAD!!!!). I remember this night fondly. Unfortunately I can’t find the whole thing, but here’s a single segment I found on vimeo to give you some idea. I think I had it up at one point and Turner very annoyingly had it taken down.

I used to have this massive physical media collection; stuff on VHS and DVD and DVD-R that was meticulously catalogued. I ditched a lot of it in favor of digitizing stuff like this, eternally keeping it on hard drives that I meant to back up but never did. It seems more convenient, but it isn’t. If this were 2003 and I needed to show you this, I would be able to retrieve it from one of my many shelves. I might still have this, but would have no idea where to look for it and it would probably involve me getting in my car and going out to my storage unit and pulling every single box out. I turned it into ones an zeros and stuck it on a nondescript black box that could very well be dead. And now it’s not even on YouTube. Sad? Sure, it’s sad.

PEAK EPHEMERA

(phrase stolen from Grifthorse podcast)

Hey, here are some videos I found on YouTube in case you wanna go down a wormhole of watching old Adult Swim commercial breaks. May the gods of posterity keep them online forever:

February 4, 2002

Spring 2002

June 16, 2002

June 30, 2002

July 27, 2002

August 2002

November 17, 2002

November/December 2002

MAIL BAG:

This ends EPHEMERA WEEK. We’ll do actual episodes soon!

What's the scariest thing you seen on adult swim?

I don’t know if I have a real answer for this. I don’t think I actually get scared by stuff in movies or TV shows. I can’t even come up with a funny answer. Remember the end of that Metalocalypse episode where the little sick girl is dead and her eyes turn into maggots and you hear that screechy voice was like I’M DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU!!! I’ll just go with that even though it made me laugh really hard

Ever watch Limmy's Show

I am content just being vaguely aware of Limmy (no, I never watched his show. Seems good).

Please don't do such a big mailbag. I couldn't believe how many r-words wrote inane bullshit to you. Let keep this blog about the real stars: Master Shake, Space Ghost, Brak, Zorak, Meatwad, Frylock, Debbie, Black Debbie, Carl, Sparks, Stormy, Hesh, Moltar, Harvery Birdman Captain Murphy, Dr. Quinn, Paula, Marco,  Brendon, Jason, Melissa, The Mooninites, the Plutonians, Peanut, Coach Mc Gurk, Mentok the Mindtaker, Virjay, Antoin, Colby, Trotter, Adair WE ARE THE UPRIGHT CITIZENS BRIGADE :)

I can’t believe this IDIOT doesn’t get that by typing such a long message he very IDIOTICALLY contributed to the length of the Maili Bag... LMFAO, what a IDIOT

This is maybe the funniest blog on tumblr. You really think these nasty little cartoons are special, huh?

Hey than-- oh :( Yeah, I guess so :(

would you like master shake if he did the whole thing

I’m sorry what

[louis-valentine-blog]

Playlist Breakdown - January 2020

The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus/Josie Moon/My Chemical Romance/Coldplay/+others

Welcome, one and all, to my first ever playlist breakdown. It’s tasty, it’s fresh, it’s hot off the presses for the emotional messes. Let’s get into it.

January has been a weird month for me, not gonna lie. Coming out of the holidays I have a tan, a renewed sense of self-identity and a fierce appreciation for the people in my life with whom I have close relationships. The music of this month represents a shift from a sun-drenched new years’ holiday into the grind of starting full-time work as a self-employed writer. It’s been a wild ride and the year’s not even started. Oh boy.

What’s that? Oh yeah, the songs…

1. False Pretense / The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. This track is a favourite from way back, and it’s mainly just here as a check-in. Hey RJA. How ya doin’? Don’t You Fake It still a banger? You bet. This band taught me so many things about great sugar-punk songwriting when I was first starting out making my own music -  and when you think that this track comes off the same record that gave us such classics as Face Down and Your Guardian Angel, it’s no surprise.

2. Victor Hotel / Josie Moon. This track has been a mainstay in my monthly playlist ever since it dropped at the start of summer. Victor Hotel brings textural arrangements and mature pop songwriting together into this gorgeous collage of instrumental and vocal production that’s simultaneously old-school and lo-fi, but undeniably modern as fuck. The album art and title add a heavy pull of intrigue, too - I don’t know what or where Victor Hotel is, but listening to the music makes me feel like I’ve been there.

3. Summertime / My Chemical Romance. I was a latecomer to the MCR love train, dipping my toes into their discography during my high school career and only fully taking a deep dive during some dark times in 2017. Like so many others, MCR helped to pull me through the shit and into the light. Having been gifted The True Lives Of The Fabulous Killjoys in paperback by Taylor for Christmas, I waded into the world of Danger Days over the summer and haven’t come back since. You know those rare songs that walk into your life at precisely the right time, squeeze on your feels like a fucking trash compactor and just don’t let go? Summertime did that for me.

4. Orphans / Coldplay. Not much to say about this one. I’m definitely missing some sort of memo when it comes to Coldplay’s new record - it’s not bad by any stretch, it just has me yearning for the days of Mylo Xyloto which then begs the question as to why I’m not just listening to that. The hooks are there, the production’s there, the lyrics hold up, it’s just… tired. Someone get Coldplay a double shot espresso, stat.

5. Zero Percent / My Chemical Romance. This one’s a real interesting cut from MCR’s Danger Days era. Released as a B-side to the Kids From Yesterday single, it had me hooked from the start with a drum and bass (???) style opening that then progresses into more familiar MCR territory. It’s damn good all told - the vocal melodies fall a little flat if I’m honest, but Gerard’s delivery is just too huge to fail.

6. Rangers / Randa. I had the pleasure of meeting Randa at an out of town show with Holloway Holiday. We were both supporting Auckland act Openside for their New Zealand tour, and we got to watch each other’s performances and chat a bit backstage. He’s the most genuine, authentic and out-there human being, and that ethos absolutely saturates his music. Rangers is a standout for me because of the syncopated beat production and the absolutely infectious chorus - not to mention a fresh and wholesome flow in the verses that you just don’t see a lot in rap. Totally original and captivating.

7. Give ’Em Hell, Kid / My Chemical Romance. Another MCR classic that I discovered way too late in life. This thing is a fucking steam train of a punk rock song featuring the huge production and lyrical finesse we’ve come to expect from the boys. The thing that always gets me about this one is the vocal effect when the verse kicks in, ‘I took a train out of New Orleans...’ it’s infectious and angsty as hell. I’m absolutely in love.

8. Damn Regret / The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. Another Don’t You Fake It throwback. A lot of what I said on False Pretense can be said for this track too - impeccable production and songwriting, an absolute anthem of my high school years. Ronnie’s vocals are a standout in this song - the sheer range and delivery this guy has is basically unheard of in pop-punk. He’s like a grungier Brendon Urie, with a voice to match.

9. Soaked / BENEE. Having only discovered BENEE very recently I can fairly say this track cemented my option that some of the world’s best pop music comes out of New Zealand. This song cleaned up at the VNZMAs, and to be honest it feels like BENEE is verging on international success too. This song rides the metaphor of water for misguidedly infatuated love - not groundbreaking by any means but it’s catchy as hell and the production carries it all the way through.

10. The Piss, The Perfume / Hayley Mary. I discovered this track (and this artist) about five minutes before writing this, and I just had to add it to the end of the playlist. This track has this gorgeous, romantic, over-saturated quality to it and I’m kinda loving it. Quite a classic rock groove with really modern sounding vocals and catchy melodies. The compression on every element of the song is really tightly packed and tidy, which is not for everyone but I love it. Great discovery. Go listen!

11. Some Kind Of Disaster/All Time Low. Some Kind Of Disaster dropped at the end of the month and HOPEFULLY means there’s a new ATL record on the way. And if this song is anything to go by, I’m excited for whatever follows. This track comes together to represent solidifying of the modern ATL sound (a la Last Young Renegade) but also a call back to the good old days, more in the vein of Nothing Personal. Perhaps telling that they just celebrated the tenth anniversary of that record. This track is catchy, upbeat and lyrically interesting (standard ATL fare) but I feel like they’re really leaning heavily on the songwriting this time, as opposed to drowning the song the production tricks that have been mainstays in their sound as of late. I’m excited for what’s to come.

So, that’s it for my FIRST EVER playlist breakdown. If you’ve read this far... THANK YOU! Shouldn’t you be doing something more important? Anyway... How’d I do? Do you agree with what I said? You’re the best, you’re the best, what should I review next... (kidding). Let’s see where February takes us - the year is young and there’s a world of music, new and old, to explore. I can’t wait. C u.

[panickedvulture]

Found this in my drafts, so I’m posting it with no shame to give this blog some life while I’m busy trying to deal with post-endgame feels in the mcu sector of tumblr:

So I had a dream last night that made me realize I spend too much time on this site because it included some of my mutuals and people I enjoy like @theuriearchives ,@yagirlcammmm ,@i-think-im-ready-to-go ,@canyousevmyheavydirtysoul ,@dunjosephurieimagines , and @andbeingblueisbetter to name a few.

I have very vivid dreams and since I write all of them down I figured why not write it here where everyone can see it.

The genre for this dream: a mystery.

The setting: A beautiful cabin (apparently mine) plucked straight out of a “Visiting your SO’s family for the holidays” or a “fake-dating for a visit to your frenemy’s family” AU, my personal favorite. And there was a snowstorm going on outside.

I should also mention everybody had their own appearance. Usually I attach someone’s name with the face in their profile pic, meaning about everybody in this I previously imagined as Brendon Urie at different angles and in different lighting. But thanks to my brain randomly generating faces for everybody, I will be greatly confused in the case that I ever learn what you actually look like.

So, the topic at hand is, as it always is, Brendon Urie. Everybody’s cuddled up on the couch and on the floor in their pajamas drinking hot chocolate, eating dessert, and writing/giving ideas. In the background AFYCSO plays on an old record player, the fire is flickering beautifully alongside some black and white videos of old Panic! performances playing on one of those old big-backed TVs with lines across the screen – at this moment I feel like I am once again a preschooler laying on my stomach and watching movies in a pile of other preschoolers at my old after-school program but I digress–

Then somebody has the audacity to break into my house.

Me being the host of this gathering, I feel obligated to check on the noise. It doesn’t help that literally everyone stops what they’re doing to push me in the direction of the mysterious noise before going back to talking about the size of Brendon Urie’s dick (a conversation brought up by i-think-im-ready-to-go, just thought I should mention that).

So I get up, the second my back is turned nobody cares and I go into the bathroom only to find it flooded because this intruder flushed literally everything it could down the toilet.

To name a few things, it flushed:

1) The monstrous dildo linked on a post by beautiful-tragic-fallout (i don’t mean to call anybody out but its been on my dash with every damn refresh for the past week), who i-think-im-ready-to-go and theuriearchives make a point to explain is out of the house buying us more chocolate-covered strawberries.

2) Every single piece of Pretty. Odd. memorabilia I can imagine because someone just has it out for that album.

3) For those of you who have seen Monsters Inc, the toys Boo flushed down the toilet in that one scene.

4) An entire manuscript that my mind recognizes as smut written by @xxip-smut

5) And pink, fucking, crocs

So I walk back into the living room and round everybody up, declaring we’re on a manhunt for whoever the fuck had the audacity to break into my house, and with that we separate into groups. Accompanying me is Cam who wields a flamethrower while wearing pastel yellow pajamas with baby elephants printed on them.

Eventually after getting tired of Cam pointing the flamethrower at my head even when in ‘resting position’ and scaring the shit out of me, we go into the basement only to find everybody else chose to search the basement and the rest of you have been arguing about who actually gets to search the basement.

Long story short, the basement doesn’t get searched.

Instead to deal with the tension, dunjosephurieimagines suggests we all go back to talking about Brendon’s dick. So we go back to talking about Brendon’s dick.

We sit on the floor in a circle in this basement not realizing its dark and creepy as hell, and if you’ve seen That 70s Show the ‘camera’ moves around in this circle to focus on the face of whoever’s talking. The conversation adds up to smut, theuriearchives pulls out a blunt and i-think-im-ready-to-go pulls out a gun, we start playing russian roulette. Out of guilt for not writing a request sent to me months ago because I suck, I give andbeingblueisbetter a free shot at me. Being a saint they don’t take the opportunity yet.

So anyway, being high and creative a thought comes to us all at once. This thought…where the fuck is @loverontheleft ?

Now we’re all mad and sad and scared and alone because where, the fuck, is cece? Everybody starts asking everybody if they’ve seen her, we conclude the answer is no and we all start freaking out.

Then we realize canyousevmyheavydirtysoul (codename: Sev) is being really quiet.

We all turn and just stare like “So um….whats up?”

Flash-forward, this is all of us trying to figure out cece’s identity, sev is just sitting on the floor smiling and reacting to everything we say with reaction gifs they pull up on their phone, meanwhile we’re all screaming running around, we’ve made a literal office out of this basement and we have glasses and slip-on ties on top of our pajamas.

Then there’s a noise upstairs because we forgot there was someone who broke into my house.

Y’all turn on me and push me up the stairs to my death, I realize this is the cabin that appears in the bodyguard series at one point (wonderfully written by canyousevmyheavydirtysoul, binge it), and in front of me is the super fancy dining room table. There’s mail on it, some envelopes, and I’m like uh no and turn around to come back downstairs.

But you’re all at the bottom of the stairs staring at me and threatening me with your knives and Cam’s flamethrower – where you got the knives I don’t know. I hesitate in turning around for a second so andbeingblueisbetter shoots me.

But I’m like, you know, walk it off. So I do and I go to the table. I’m terrified, break out into a nervous sweat, but it’s fine.

I go and open the folder.

And O - fucking - kay

If you haven’t read the bodyguard series or ready to leap I’m not gonna detail any spoilers, just the main plot given right away, and even if you have it probably won’t help this make any more sense. Here….is the story:

Our beloved Cece started off as a teacher, right? But not just any teacher, Ms. fucking Milton, who started a relationship with the music teacher of her high school, Mr. Urie, who in this case is in fact Brendon Urie of our universe and lead singer of Panic! at the Disco. But the deal with him is that he got tired of the fame and through extensive work he managed to get rid of all the files that legally point to him as being Brendon Urie of Panic! at the Disco. And for the first few years of his teaching, all the kids knew he was Brendon Urie I mean come on, but eventually the whole school and town settle on the idea that this is just one of those situations where twins are separated at birth and coincidentally given the same exact name. So boom, they do what they do – but newsflash, Cece is Y/n from the Bodyguard series and knowing Mr. Urie’s relationship with Ms. Milton, S.H.I.E.L.D pulls a Hydra Bucky Barnes situation in order to train Brendon into the best damn bodyguard the world could imagine because Cece is a valuable asset that needs the absolute best protection. Canyousevmyheavydirtysoul was like a journalist or something for S.H.I.E.L.D and witnessed all of this go down, knows every little thing about these two. So they get trained, they get close, drama happens, then they’re all put under-cover. Brendon goes back to being Brendon Urie of Panic! at the Disco, Sev and Cece are assigned to live their current lives and specifically assigned to write their stories for this Tumblr community to get everybody off their trails.

And then I look up. And there’s cece and I think…

“She is about to fucking, kill me.”

I try to throw the folders at her but for some reason I can’t throw anything in my dreams, so I get frustrated that my arm just won’t work, Cece in the meanwhile uses this time to approach me. My mind can’t even generate her an appearance and I think that she’s wearing a disguise because she’s like a spy or something that did after all break into my house to clog my toilet with dildos.

We maintain eye contact for what my dream-self recalls as a long time. I feel this energy in my soul I have never felt before and it is not fun, I don’t like it.

She takes the folder from me and gives me a red one.

And with her eyes piercing my soul, I get this feeling that literally has my skin vibrating even after I wake up, and I hear this voice that’s like “I know you know. And I’m watching you.”

So I woke up in a cold sweat obviously and tried to suppress this whole thing but it kinda lingered in the back of my mind all day. Then the weird tiny details came back to haunt me when I saw the elephants at the zoo. 

[izzy-b-hands]

Tagged by @little-murmaider thank you!!!

1. Height: 5′3 ish? tbh I have not been measured in years and the last time I was in high school I was at 5′2, so now I just kinda...well I lie, and presume I gained that extra bit even though I really might not have lol.

2. Last thing I googled: ‘clothing brands worn by the band Queen’ because-well, actually, does it shock anyone that I’ve googled this? I live for so much of the shit they wore in the 70s and 80s and just really wish I could find reproductions of some of it (also that Hot Dad look in the 90s they all had going? that’s just basically my work uniform in terms of the button ups and weird ties and bow ties I own, so I’ve already got that bit down, even if I don’t look as good as they do rocking it.) 

3. Favorite musicians: ...so many, and also do bands count? Like if you admire each member of the band as a respective musician and in what they contribute to their group as well as any individual work? Because if that counts then a short list (made off of the much longer full list, and I swear I really did try and pare this down but it was difficult!) would be: Queen, Avatar, Brendon Small, Gene Hoglan, Frank Ocean, Childish Gambino, Tyler the Creator, Hozier, My Chemical Romance, Banks, Brian Eno, Elton John, Cab Calloway, Cocorosie, David Bowie, The Decemberists, Fever Ray, WEEP, Ghost, Janelle Monae, Jozef Van Wissem, Kendrick Lamar, Lana Del Rey, Miike Snow, Mother Mother, Tom Waits, and Sufjan Stevens (and I’m forcing myself to end this list here lol.) 

4. Song stuck in my head: I’ve got a few, but the top three competing to play all at once in my head currently are: Sweatpants by Childish Gambino, Earfquake by Tyler the Creator, and Son and Daughter by Queen.

5. Followers: 225, and I’m grateful for each one! I never anticipated having that many people following me on here tbh, when I started this blog...jesus, back at the end of high school/beginning of college? Time is a cold motherfucker lol.

6. Following: 276. I was following over 600 a few days ago, but I finally went thru and cleaned it out. A lot of people hadn’t posted in months, or years, so I just kinda figure they aren’t coming back now, tbh. My dash isn’t as busy as I’d like it to be, but I also actually see everyone’s posts whereas before they didn’t always show up, so it’s a decent exchange.

7. Do you get asks: Sometimes! Especially recently, folks have been wonderful about sending in requests and asks for the various ask box things I reblog. I sometimes worry that I reblog too many of those, but I honestly do really like getting to talk to folks on here and interact, and getting asks or mentioned on posts really does make my day!!

8. Amount of sleep: if my insomnia isn’t being terrible, then between 4-6 hours most nights. If it is being an asshole, then more like 3-4 max. I’ve gotten a full 8 hours once before though, and boy was that fuckin weird.

9. Lucky number: Don’t know if they’re lucky, but the numbers 2 and 6 seem to turn up a lot in my life, which I consider a cool little thing. Probably the closest I have to lucky numbers.

10. What are you wearing: A very old pair of sweatpants and an Avatar shirt, because my after-work uniform is basically all lounge clothes/pjs mixed with band t-shirts.

11. Dream Job: Published author/screenwriter and/or museum docent. I mean, don’t get me wrong I love just writing as I do now, but it would be cool to get my work out there more and also be able to make a bit of a living off of it, even if I did still need to have another day job. I think I’d be a lot happier, if I could make that happen at least. 

12. Instruments: I learned and played clarinet from elementary school into my first year of high school. I play guitar badly. Can fuck around on a piano but suck at reading music so anything I play on it is usually just whatever’s in my head at the time. Own a mandolin, play it poorly. Does the recorder count if you’ve not played it since like sixth grade?

13. Languages: English is my first language. Took almost four years of Spanish, but don’t speak it well, though I can understand a bit of it when I need to at work. Took a year of German, but really only recall the German swear words my German/Russian grandma and great-grandma have taught me over the years. Un petit peu of French but very basic levels-like I can order a sandwich, but please don’t ask me to say much else lol. Jag prata svenska, men det är inte gud. Swedish is probably the one I speak best after English, but I admit my accent is painful to listen to, even to me. Someday it will sound not totally horrible, maybe. 

14. Favorite song: Just one? Oh dear. Well, there’s really a rota for this so I’ll give you the most recent favorite: Action This Day by Queen 

15. Random fact: I occasionally study contortion because I fell in love with what the contortionists at Cirque Du Soleil can do, and I’ve always been flexible enough to move my limbs to places they probably don’t belong, despite not really being very physically fit otherwise. I’ll never be flexible enough or good enough to actually use it anywhere, but it spices up my exercise routine when I need a break from dance, yoga, and weights. Also, it’s weirdly fun seeing if you can get your foot to rest on your face (I can! And it definitely should not be that exciting but I’m nearly 25 and struggling in various other areas of my life, so the little things really count.) 

16. Aesthetic: I’ll always be a little bit goth, I think. Could go and do Goth 2 Boss, and it would still be there, y’know? I’m trying to think of some of the ways friends and coworkers have described me/my look/general vibe, a few are: 

-A librarian that works part time as a roadie but doesn’t have two separate wardrobes for each job

-Like I’m constantly trying to look as queer as possible, so that I’m not mistaken for a heterosexual (though this one is honestly true, my dream is to find one of those vintage ‘how dare you presume I’m heterosexual’ buttons from the 80s and just add that onto my current set of looks)

-A dramatic demon that also cares about having sensible footwear (I like swooshy clothes and I like not fucking up my ankles more than I already have, I can’t help it that I can’t give up either of these things for Fashion)

-Like a Cool Uncle/Justin McElroy (true, and you’ll tear my horribly patterned shirts and various Hot Dad button ups from my cold undead hands.) 

-Like a vampire who didn’t really understand the Vampire Fashion Memo but tries really hard (a friend tossed me this one, and I still can’t tell if she meant it as a compliment or a plain old insult, but either way I admit she’s kind of right lol)

-Like you’re trying to steal Richard Ayoade’s wardrobe (this one came from my mum, and she’s right, I am. He dresses wonderfully.)

So...all of that in one, I guess?

Tagging @peterginn, @0randges, @sunshinerami, @the-heebiejeebies, @ramibaby, @my-space-and-all-within, @hobbadehoy and anyone else who follows me and wants to do this! Just say I tagged you and go for it!!

[xxfanfiction-emo-trinityxx]

Ice Cream Kisses - Nicole Row x Reader

Request: PLEASE! MORE NICOLE ROW X READERS! I DONT CARE WHAT YOU WRITE ABOUT, AS LONG AS IT IS ABOUT NICOLE! I WILL INSTANTLY EAT THAT SHIT UP! (im feed) & Sorry to bother you, I know you have lots of requests, but one day can you make a Nicole/Female reader fic where the female reader really likes Nicole, but Nicole doesn't know she likes her? I know you have lots of requests, I don't mind waiting. & Can we have more Nicole imagines please !!!

Summary: You manage to befriend your crush Nicole, or is it more than just friendship?

Reader: female

Word count: 2 268

A/N: I suck at summaries, why did I decide to do it anyway? Also sorry for combining a few requests, but I have so many for Nicole, I would be writing nobody but Nicole for ages, but don’t worry, more are coming anyway ;)

You did not even know how to describe her, it seemed as if there were no words that did justice to Nicole. ‘Beautiful’ was too ordinary, ‘stunning’ sounded too hard, ‘hot’ too objectifying, ‘perfect’ was to uncreative, ‘breathtaking’ too complicated. To you, the girl with the long, flowing golden hair and the beaming green eyes was of otherworldly beauty, and maybe someone like Shakespeare would have managed to conserve her appearance and character in an elegant combination of words, but not you. In fact, whenever you were talking about her, it was more incoherent babbling than anything else.

“And you know, she just… argh, she did this smile where like… you know? Where the whole face lights up, and you feel really warm and all… and-“

“I get it, I get it,” you best friend Brendon laughed “she smiled at you.”

“Yes, but like… not just smiled, more like smiled smiled. Like… beamed? Like a spotlight that was just directed at me?”

Brendon giggled and pushed himself up on his elbows, sitting up on the soft carpet on the floor of your room.

“Why don’t you just go and tell her,” he asked, “I’m pretty sure she likes you back.”

“I can’t do that,” you immediately protested, but your heart was beating harder in your chest at the thought. “She’s one of the cool kids, and she could never ever ever ever fancy me in even the slightest!”

Brendon shook his head in disagreement and clicked the pen, which he had picked up from the floor, a few times.

“I just think she’s shy. Maybe you should try and talk to her for a change.”

~*~

Brendon was not wrong, technically.

And you hated it.

Normally talking to someone was not very difficult, right? ‘Hey have you read that book for English Literature already? Me neither!’ ‘Mr. Simpson was in a mood today, don’t you think?’ ‘Have you heard about the new rule on not eating in the corridors? Ridiculous, right?’

But when it came to Nicole, it seemed more realistic to win a Nobel Prize in Physics than to start a conversation with her that would not end with you dying of shame.

You had just taken your seat in the back of the classroom, and pulled out your books, when you noticed the golden glimmer of long, blonde hair from the corner of your eyes. No matter how hard you tried not to look into her direction, you couldn’t help but watch her walk over to her desk, where two girls were already sitting.

You had always assumed the three were friends, but watching their body language and the way Nicole threw her hands in the air in annoyance suddenly made you doubt that. You felt bad for Nicole, and angry at the girls, as she turned around, away from the two, a frown on her face, her eyes searching the room in what almost resembled desperation. When her eyes flickered into your direction, you quickly lowered your head, and pretended to be searching for something in your bag.

“Is this seat taken?”

Nicole’s soft voice always sent butterflies straight to your belly, but hearing it directed at you almost gave you a heart attack. Slowly you looked up to the beautiful student standing in front of you. Her eyes looked sad, and the fingers which she had wrapped around her books, were turning white from gripping them so tightly.

“Sure, please sit down,” you offered, gesturing to the empty chair next to yours, surprised by how calm your voice was.

Shyly she smiled and pulled the chair out, placed the books she had been holding on the table, and sat down. For a moment she kept her head lowered, trying to collect her thoughts, but then she quickly looked up, straight at you.

You returned her inquisitive stare for a few seconds before becoming too aware of how beautiful the girl next to you was. Your heart was already beating in your throat, making you fear the whole school could hear it, but seeing Nicole from so close up, being able to see every single freckle on her nose, made your head spin.

“Sorry,” she suddenly apologized and lowered her eyes, before glancing back up at you. “It’s just… I don’t know. I hope I’m not keeping you from sitting with your friends?”

You rolled your eyes and giggled.

“Have you ever seen someone sit next to me in this class?”

Not to mention that you would choose sitting next to Nicole a thousand times over sitting next to anyone else.

Her eyes watched you carefully, a smile tucking at her lips.

“No, I haven’t”, she admitted.

“So, to what do I owe the honor of your company,” you joked, making her smile broader.

Nicole’s eyes flickered between you and her hands nervously.

“Do you remember how you said in sociology class that the recognition of same sex marriage is one of the most important changes in society this last decade, and that these changes would have been impossible without allies?”

You nodded. Of course you remembered the rant you had given in class a few weeks ago. You especially remembered the confused and annoyed looks from your classmates, though a good part of that was probably also due to the fact that you had mentioned that you were interested in girls.

“Now, my friends aren’t that open when it comes to not being straight.”

You furrowed your brows. What was Nicole saying; that she was not straight?

“Well, you’re always welcome here,” you motioned around you, as if you were talking about a group of people, and not just yourself, “Straight or not.”

“More on the not straight side, but thanks,” Nicole laughed, her nervousness melting away immediately.

Contently you noticed how her shoulders relaxed and her smile grew genuine.

“Do you want to go to lunch together?”

~*~

Everything that happened afterwards seemed like an absolute miracle to you. After lunch you had headed to class together and after school Nicole accompanied you to the local library. Every day after that, you spent the breaks hanging out together, and soon you had turned into close friends. Of course there was still the jumping of your heart in your chest at the mere thought of the beautiful girl, but you grew used to it over time. Sometimes you felt guilty, the thought that you were leading her on pushing itself into your mind continuously. She was in it for the friendship, you thought, but you still pictured what it would be like to be her girlfriend. The thoughts felt forbidden, and you pushed them away as often as possible, trying to tell yourself that you were just friends, nothing more, but there were still moments you failed.

Sometimes late at night, when you were exhausted but unable to fall asleep, your heart got the better of you, listing all the times the interactions between Nicole and you could have been more than friendship.

In these nights the images of how many times she had held your hand while walking down a corridor clouded your mind, the lingering hugs you shared when you said goodbye were burning on your skin, and the countless banters that seemed too much like flirting, dizzied your head. In the morning though, you had to shake all this off.

Yes, maybe everyone knew you were not the straightest girl, but you would never find the courage to tell Nicole that when you had said you liked “girls”, you had actually meant that you liked her.

It was a sunny Saturday afternoon, and the mall was flooded with people. Nicole and you had decided on meeting up to look through the records at your favorite store, and maybe go for an ice cream afterwards. Sunlight fell through the glass of the mall’s roof, almost blinding you a little as you ordered the ice cream for Nicole and yourself after an unsuccessful trip to the record store.

The waver cones in hand you maneuvered through the crowd to the bench on which Nicole had been waiting for you.

“How much do you get,” she asked, when you handed her the candy, reaching for her purse.

“Nothing, it’s fine, you’re invited,” you told her, flopping down unceremoniously on the bench next to her.

The radiant smile on her face made your heart speed up almost painfully, drowning out her words of thanks, so you quickly concentrated on licking away the first drops of molten ice cream, as not to give your flustered state away.

Little did you know that your little game of hide and not seek was very badly played. Nicole had noticed your glances and stares long before she even started talking to you, and the conversation in which her now former friends that had revealed their intolerance towards same sex relationships, had actually been about her growing fondness of you.

It had taken all her courage to walk over to you that day and ask for the seat, but she had figured that there would never be another chance like this again, so she had taken it. With a little, knowing smirk, she watched how you concentrated on your ice cream, trying to hide the effect her smile had had on you.

It had become her favorite thing, to make you blush simply by smiling at you, and it was her involuntary reaction to you anyway. When she had been doubtful and nervous in the beginning of your friendship, her confidence had grown rapidly every time she noticed your reaction to her, so knowing you would never be the one making the first step, she finally might find courage to do it herself.

You were oblivious to her thoughts, to her contemplation of how likely it was you would kiss her back if she tried to kiss you, so you kept eating your ice cream. The sun beams of the spring fell through the glass roof, making the mall glow in light and life. Contently you pulled your legs up on the bench and crossed them to sit more comfortably. Silence was spread between Nicole and you, both of you following your thoughts about each other until you had finished the sweet treat.

“So,” Nicole finally spoke up, after having swallowed the last crumbs of her wafer, “Any more plans for today?”

“Nope,” you answered, popping the p, “you?”

She quietly shook her head, her eyes fixed on your lips, which made your heart once again race in your chest.

“Uhm, you got some ice cream…” she pointed at her own lip, showing you where you had a little drop of ice cream clinging to your face.

Quickly you wiped over the spot, using the paper napkin from the wafer, which you had crumbled up in your hand.

“Gone,” you asked, looking at her expectantly.

“No, it’s right here,” she answered, still pointing out the same spot.

Again you wiped over your mouth, checking the napkin for a stain, but again it seemed you had missed it.

“Still?”

“Yeah, let me,”

Nicole scooted closer to you, making you shuffle in your seat nervously for a second, an action that made Nicole smile, but she tried to suppress it.

You offered her the rigid paper napkin, but she ignored your outstretched hand, and leant in closer until her face was only mere inches away from yours.

Breathing suddenly seemed a strange, foreign concept to you. In your chest, your heart was running a thousand miles a second, making you shake slightly with nerves. While one part of your mind was running around in your head, happily panicking, the other one was frozen, over and over mumbling “what’s happening, what’s happening”.

Shyly you looked up at Nicole, her green eyes greeting you gently, calmly, but questioningly. You felt like you were not even sure what you were agreeing to, all you knew was that you wanted to kiss her really, really badly, wanted to hold her as close to you as possible, but when your eyes flickered to her soft, pink lips, before looking back up at her, it was all the consent she needed.

The last inches were closed within the blink of an eye, both of you leaning in at the same time, carefully, yet desperately connecting your lips to each other’s. Without even realizing your hand moved up into her hair, waving your fingers into her soft strands, pulling her as close as your position would allow you. Your other hand was sitting in your lap, closed around the napkin. When Nicole reached up to gently cup your face in her hands, your breath once again hitched at the sensation of her warm hands against your skin.

Far too soon she pulled away from you, a wicked smile pulling on her lips.

“I definitely should try out the ice cream you had,” she smirked, irritating you for a moment.

When you understood what she meant you just rolled your eyes playfully at her, and huffed. Her hand snuck over to you, wrapping around your fingers before she shot you a glance, checking your reaction. Obviously you were smiling brighter than she had ever seen you before, her heart skipping a beat at the sight of your slightly dazed but more than happy expression.

“I’m just wondering if there really was some ice cream on my face or did you just want to kiss me,” you challenged after a few seconds of looking at her dreamily.

“Well my dear,” she giggled, intertwining her fingers with yours tightly, “you’ll never know.”

Taglist (if you want to be added or taken off, pleaese let me know):

General: @justawriterinprogress @jayloverthe3rd @robinruns @lookalivefrosty

[mandoandbb]

LOVER FIRST LISTEN

I wrote out my reaction to the Lover album songs as I listened to each one when I woke up this morning. Thank you Taylor for blessing us with this album and thank you for falling in love at the same time as me so I can relate to heavily to your love songs.

I forgot that you existed:

Fun beat, I like the music. I like the story, but I am pretty sure this was more about getting the whole drama story over at the beginning of the album so that both she and the rest of us could move on than actually being a song to listen to on repeat and I respect that. Nice tie in with the final song saying she had lost her sunshine - which she clearly gets back by the end. Standout lyric: “Lived in the shade you were throwing ‘Til all of my sunshine was gone, gone, gone”

Cruel summer:

I like it but it feels a bit like a song I’ve already heard, you know what I mean? The lyrics are definitely more on point with what I heard in reputation, not the “Old Taylor” we had back in the singles. I was already singing along to the chorus by the end of the song. Standout lyric: “Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes, if I bleed you’ll be the last to know” I’ll probably use that in an insta caption someday

Lover:

Heard this already obviously, love the whole thing but ADORE the wedding bit near the end. Taylor says this is her favourite song she’s ever written and I definitely wouldn’t go that far but it definitely has some fantastic imagery and she did a great job with it. Standout lyrics: “My heart’s been broken and yours has been blue, all’s well that ends well to end up with you” and a personal shoutout to “I’ve loved you three summers now honey but I want em all” because that’s just right for me!

The man:

This is such an accurate representation of how Taylor has been treated in the media and the sexism she faces as a woman writing music! Really well written. I’m very impressed with how she flipped the narrative around for this without victimizing herself for it. I don’t know how much I’ll want to listen to it on repeat though. Standout lyric: “They say I hustled, put in the work. They wouldn't shake their heads and question how much of this I deserve”

The archer:

Another single I’ve already heard, so not a first listen. Adore the verses of this song, the imagery and the sound. I definitely think it’s more about Taylor’s relationship with herself rather than any type of romantic story. Standout lyric: ‘Screaming, "Who could ever leave me darling... But who could stay?"’

I think he knows:

Definitely not my favourite from a first listen. Very cute lyrics and I might come to enjoy it more after a few more listens. Started to like it more by the end even. A little too fast and high overall though. Standout lyric: ‘“So where we gonna go?"

I whisper in the dark. “Where we gonna go?" I think he knows’

Miss americana and the heartbreak prince:

What a LONG title. I quite like the sound but the lyrics will definitely take some time to unravel. Pretty excellent beat though. The bridge is very reminiscent of a high school football game (on purpose obviously with the “go, fight, win”) but I wonder why. Standout lyric: It's you and me, that's my whole world

Paper rings:

Made me smile as soon as it started playing. Yessss that bridge. Oh shit almost crying at the chorus. God I definitely love this. I wish it was slower I’d use it as a wedding dance song. I want to hear a slowed down acoustic version asap. I am very happy with this song. As is its perfect for a happy romcom. Standout lyrics: “I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings” and the whole bridge “Kiss me once 'cause you know I had a long night. Kiss me twice 'cause it's gonna be alright. Three times 'cause I've waited my whole life” AND “Honey, without all the exes, fights, and flaws, we wouldn't be standing here so proud”

Cornelia street:

I don’t think I’ve ever been to Cornelia street in London but I’ll need to now. I quite like the sound of this but I feel like it’s going to be one the ones I forget after I finishing listening to it you know? The music is great but I am finding it hard to concentrate on the lyrics. I definitely relate to the story though, no way I could go back to Waterloo if this love ended. Standout lyric: “We were a fresh page on the desk, filling in the blanks as we go”

Death by a thousand cuts:

Not sure about the starting. Ok, better than I was expecting from the title. VERY interesting instruments I like them. Reeeeally love that bridge actually. Yes. Definitely want another listen if this. Not what I was expecting from the beginning and I’m very impressed actually. Standout lyric: “My heart, my hips, my body, my love, tryna find a part of me that you didn't touch”

London boy:

I think I mostly like this because of the references of London places that I’ve been! I also love high tea and Camden market. But the sound is really fun and catchy too, this will stay in rotation for sure. Standout lyric: “They say home is where the heart is, but that's not where mine lives”

Soon you’ll get better:

Ugh it hasn’t even started yet but I know it’s about her mum’s cancer I’m not ready to listen. Ok. Let’s try. Yup here we go here’s the tears. Dammit. I need to call my mum. This is obviously beautiful but please don’t mind if I never ever listen to it ever again. OH DEAR GOD her shuddering breath in the final chorus. Nope, never again. Standout lyrics: “I know delusion when I see it in the mirror” And “And I hate to make this all about me, but who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do if there's no you?”

False god:

Not sure about this one. The lyrics or the sound. Maybe with a few more listens it will grow on me but I don’t think I’ll love it. Also the “the alter is my hips” line kinda squicks me out. I’m not huge on the lyrics in general. Kinda reminds me of Dress from Reputation but nowhere near as good. Standout lyric: “I know heaven's a thing, I go there when you touch me, honey. Hell is when I fight with you”

You need to calm down:

Obviously a MAJOR bop and made moreso when the video came out. But to be fair the very first time I listened to it the “uh oh uh oh UH OH” bit seemed like too much so some songs need a sec to show their true rainbow colours. Love this. It’s a bop and an anthem. Standout lyric: “Shade never made anybody less gay” (which I’ve already used in an insta caption tbh)

Afterglow:

Not bad but not really catching me so far. The chorus is nice. I’m a bit underwhelmed overall. It’s good but not a standout. At least not at first listen. Standout lyric: I need to say, hey, it’s all me, just don't go... Meet me in the afterglow”

Me!:

Another single that is a clear and obvious bop. Yes we all know the “hey kids spelling is fun” bit is foolish but that’s the fun of this song: it’s FUN and it doesn’t mind being a little foolish. This song is a delight and Brendon Urie is a treasure. Standout lyric: “Livin’ in winter, I am your summer” (another lyric I’ve already used as in insta caption

It’s nice to have a friend:

The dumb title is giving me a bad vibe before it even starts. Uhhh weird starting with mandolin sounds... yeah wtf is this song? It feels very... off... with the mandolin sounds (unless I’m missing something here) and the lyrics leave a lot to be desired. Yeah for sure not my fave. Honestly doesn’t have a standout lyric.

Daylight:

Been looking forward to this closer for the whole album I have high hopes. It’s almost 5 minutes long. Yes it definitely feels like an old school Taylor Swift closer. Love the build up of the first few verses. It IS brighter now, Taylor. For me too. This isn’t a bop that I want on repeat but I feel peace listening to it and it sums up both her love and mine. Strong finish. Nice recorded voice memo at the end too. Standout lyric: I once believed love would be burning red, but it's golden like daylight”

Overall, I really enjoyed this album and can’t WAIT for a tour. Paper Rings was my favourite song that wasn’t a single but honestly Taylor is a genius and I respect everything she creates because she does it with love and care and precision. Xoxo.

[thepatricktreestump]

I Love Her Anyways: Chapter 19

A/N: whoops my hand slipped *adds more angst* sorry

tag list: @cupcakesweetness @un-amoosed-padalecki @mtb04308 @dragonqueendany @kitykatnumber @svintsandghosts @greatheromuffinpalace @geekybeauty8793 @galaxy-moon @lugialagia @pageoftheclouds @myaestheticsareshit @brendonuriehimself @yagirlcammmm @wantyoubackpeter @vessyvk @loverontheleft @rupphirerydenphan @uriellybrendon @converse-or-vans @infinityonryro

               Brendon is extremely adorable the next few days. Whenever he comes home from work, he insists on sitting you down and singing to the baby bump with his hands on your belly, reading them stories, and playing them some of his favorite music. He also showers you in flowers, surprise boxes hidden around the house full of your favorite candies, and plenty more massages. He runs warm baths for you filled with special salts and bubbles and Lush products. At night he lights candles and plays records of white noise filled with rain and ocean noises, cuddles up close to you, and whispers I love you on repeat until you fall asleep. The sonogram stays sitting on the nightstand beside the lamp, and Brendon insists that it stays there because besides you, he says it’s the first thing he wants to see when he wakes up and the last thing he wants to see before he goes to sleep.

               “Brendon,” you whine into his chest when you wake up.

               “What, darling?” he mumbles.

               “Mffff,” you bury your face into his shoulder and he chuckles.

               “I can’t hear you when you’re being all cutesy and shy like that,” he sighs. “Not that I’m complaining.”

               It was Saturday morning and you had both taken the luxury of sleeping in. “I want you to touch me,” you tell him. “It’s been way too long. Like, months. It’s been months.”

               “I fingered you last week,” he narrows his eyes. “In the bathtub, remember? Was that not enough?”

               “I want youuuu,” you insist, tugging him closer to you, although the baby bump kind of got in the way. You frown, frustrated. “You. I want you.” This time when you repeat it you reach a hand down to cup his crotch and he’s startled, you smirking at how you’ve succeeded in catching him by surprise.

               “Sweetheart,” he clicks his tongue in disapproval. “We’ve got to be careful. You’ve got a baby, you’re fragile, I don’t want to hurt you, alright? Fingering, awesome. Eating you out? Amazing. But sex? Like my dick inside you sex? Cumming inside you again sex? That kind of scares me. I don’t want to mess anything up.”

               “What do you mean?” you groan. “Just cause I’m pregnant doesn’t mean we can’t fuck. It’s fine, I asked the doctor and did research and it’s fine Brendon.”

               “But what about the baby?” he looks at you, concerned. You press your hand deeper onto his crotch and he lets out a moan, closing his eyes, tilting his head back. “Fuck, y/n-”

               “I told you, it’s fine,” you whisper in his ear. “Now do you want me or not?”

               “I want you,” he insists. “I want you so bad.”

               “Then fuck me daddy. I want you inside of me. I want your cock in my pussy,” you croon. “Make me remember what got me pregnant in the first place.”

               “God kitten,” he bites down on his lower lip as he shimmies you out of your panties. He runs a hand down your folds and sure enough, you’re already wet. He has that effect on you. “Such a pretty little slut for me. All for me.”

               He runs his hands up to your breasts underneath your baggy t-shirt and gives them a soft squeeze before then working at getting his own boxers off. “You’re so hot,” you breathe, starting to take his dick in your hands, running your fingers up and down his shaft, making him even more weak. You want to get him so hard. You don’t stop jacking him off until he’s already leaking precum from his slit.

               You slowly press up to him, pushing your folds against his cock, making him hum. You slide him up against your pussy, just his tip, making him whine. How beautiful it is to see him switch roles so easily. “Please,” he begs. “Just put me inside you already.”

               “Whatever you say,” you comply, pushing him inside of you and making both of you moan. Fuck he feels so good, especially when you’re so sensitive like this.

               “God babygirl,” he mumbles, pulling you closer to him by your hips, rocking back and forth, thrusting into you at a slow pace. “Just like that. Nice and slow.”

               “More,” you insist, grinding up against him faster and making his head reel.

               “Shit baby, be careful,” he hisses but you put your lips on his and slip your tongue into his mouth, still relentless and only picking up the pace more. You need it so bad.

               “Shut up and rub circles on my clit,” you demand into his ear and he whimpers, doing as told, reaching a hand underneath your tummy and pressing a finger to your swollen clit, making you curse. It feels so amazing. You end up squirting all over his cock, juices running down your thighs, him pulling out before cumming all over your stomach and thighs. It’s a fucking mess.

               “God,” he pants, pulling you close to him, wrapping his arms around you tight. “I love you.”

               “After that I sure hope so,” you roll your eyes teasingly and he can’t help but laugh.

               “I really like this new side of you,” he smirks. “Pregnant y/n is a confident woman.”

               “You make me a confident woman,” you correct, pressing a kiss to his lips. “Now come on. Let’s get up and shower. I think we both could use it.”

               “Good idea,” he nods, carrying you up off the bed and pressing kisses to your neck as he sets you on the bathroom counter and then begins to run the water until it’s warm. “Come on sweetheart.”

               You’re pretty sure you’ve already discovered this a long time ago, but this moment only makes you realize it even more. Showers with Brendon are some of the most precious moments of your life. Being able to have him touch you and close to you, soap and water cascading down your skin, it’s such a beautiful sensation. You’re almost lost in the moment when he stops, freezing with his hands on your hips. “What?” you turn around to face him, confused.

               “Uh, is it normal to be bleeding when you’re pregnant?” he whispers.

               You look down to see the light stream of blood running down your thighs and your heart stops. “Fuck,” you turn pale. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…”

               “Babe,” Brendon tries to keep his voice calm but you can already tell he’s nervous because he’s shaking. “What do I do? Is this bad? Are you okay?”

               “We need to get to the hospital,” you tell him, trying not to pass out then and there. Just the thought of a miscarriage makes you feel so sick. “Now.”

               “Okay, okay,” he quickly turns off the shower water and gets you a sweatshirt, underwear, and shorts, then quickly gets himself dressed as well. He picks you up and carries you to the car, instructing Moira and Remy that you’d be back, and then he zoomed off.

               Being in the emergency room was overwhelming and scary. You remembered being there once before, when you broke your arm in the second grade when you fell of your bike, but they were distant memories mostly of falling asleep to the stupid hum of the machines and begging your older brother to bring you chocolate chip cookies from the cafeteria. They ask you so many questions like what medications you’re taking, your healthcare provider, how many weeks into the pregnancy you are, and more. They strip you down and dress you in one of those cheap blue gowns, then hook you up to an IV and heart monitor and all that jazz. Your mind is spinning so most of it’s a blur. Brendon is right there though, holding your hand when you need it, repeating that everything is going to be alright. But you couldn’t believe him. You couldn’t bear to believe him. Especially when the doctor walked in with a sullen face, grim aura, clutching a clipboard. You felt your heart sink in your chest.

[justcallme-ryan]

This One’s For You

Chapter Three-Don’t Give Me Those Eyes

Brendon had a meeting with his manager the following Tuesday, and he brought the scraps of lyrics with him to present. It was fair to say that Zach was pleased with the drafts, muttering something about, “Anything is better than fucking Beyonce and lemonade.”

Brendon did his best not to be offended, but also couldn’t say much in his own defense.

He texted Ryan when he got out of the meeting with an update on how it went, and Ryan replied with a demo of a guitar riff and mumbled lyrics. Ryan got an enthusiastic “shit bro” back.

Brendon called him Wednesday with a verse to go with a refrain they put together, and Ryan called back Friday with a completely new song, along with a rough guitar pattern. In the middle of playing, though, he quickly hung up with a muttered, “I have to go.” Brendon texted a few times, but didn’t get a response until later that night.

They had decided to meet again on Saturday, this time at a coffee shop in between Vegas and LA. Ryan was already seated when Brendon arrived, and he decided to go greet him before ordering. He looked Ryan over as he approached, and something seemed almost off.

“Hey,” Brendon said, causing Ryan to break out of his daze. He smiled when he saw Brendon

“Hey, come sit down. I hope you like window seats.”

“My favorite.” Brendon glanced out at the street momentarily and then turned back to Ryan. When he sat down, the new lighting made what he had noticed stand out--the right side of his face looked powdered, almost like the donuts being sold at the front of the shop. “Are you wearing makeup?”

“Oh, yeah,” Ryan replied, slightly surprised.

“You’re shit at it, it’s caked.”

“It is?” he asked, pulling out his phone to check. Brendon chuckled.

“Why just concealer? You might as well add eyeliner or something.”

“Guess I didn’t feel like it,” Ryan replied. Brendon frowned as he looked back at it.

“You’re covering something. You only have it on that spot.”

“Yeah… I wasn’t going to mention it, but I got mugged yesterday. Nothing too bad, didn’t have much on me, but they got in a good punch to be sure.”

“What area were you in?”

“I had to go into the city for a gig, got dragged into an ally afterwards. It was dark out.”

“Yikes,” Brendon responded. “That’s shit, man.”

“Yeah, it is,” Ryan agreed. “Coffee?”

“Hell yes.” They stood and went to the front of the shop to wait in line. When their hands brushed from being too close, Brendon blushed and took a step to the side. Ryan’s ears turned red, showing he was blushing as well, but he pretended he didn’t notice. Brendon let Ryan order first, and was slightly surprised when he ordered for both of them, and even more surprised that he knew his order. When Ryan pulled out his wallet, Brendon shoved him aside and slid his card into the machine. Ryan hit his arm, and Brendon simply smirked.

They walked back to their table with drinks in hand. They sat across from one another again, and Brendon pulled out a notebook from his backpack.

“I think you should come to the studio with me Wednesday,” Brendon told him. “We already have a couple songs we could make demos of, and we could work on the others too.”

“I don’t know if I can, I have work,” Ryan said.

“It can be any time that works for you, I can push it back as far as eight.”

“It’s a long drive, Bren.” Brendon swore to fucking god that that nickname would be the death of him.

“I know, but if we’re going to do this, we have to record some along the way. The pay is good.”

“You don’t get paid for studio time.”

“I know, but I’ll pay you for it.”

“Like hell you will,” Ryan rolled his eyes. “There’s no way I’m letting you pay me if you don’t get paid.”

“Come on, please?” Brendon begged. He pouted, and Ryan rolled his eyes.

“Don’t give me those eyes.”

“What eyes?” Brendon asked, still looking up at him like a puppy begging for steak.

“Bren.”

“What?”

“Come on!”

“What?”

“Oh my fucking god, fine,” Ryan sighed. “I’ll make it work you shithead.”

Brendon grinned, and Ryan rolled his eyes. “So, I started something new yesterday.”

“Oh?”

“It might be trash, but it can be reworked.”

“Let me see,” Ryan said enthusiastically, and Brendon reluctantly handed it over. Ryan glanced over the page for a moment, and then looked up at Brendon. “Shit, buddy, calm down. Do you want me to be honest?”

“Hit me with it.”

“It has potential if you squint hard enough. There are a couple chunks we can work with though and redo. Like…here, ‘And the blood that we left on the table / had me crawling away from it all.’ And this other line here, well, this whole verse really, ‘You know the tears are still coming / I know I can’t bottle them all / send me all your empty glasses / I’ll send them to you as they fall.” Ryan set down the notebook, and then reached to put his hand on top of mine but drew back.’“You have to think though, do you really want this going out to the world?”

“My pain is theirs to enjoy.”

“This is the most intense I’ve seen from you, buddy, are you okay? Is it about Sarah?”

Brendon frowned. He supposed it was, as that was part of what he had written it about, but the other inspiration came from about ten years prior, about the same boy in front of him. “Yeah. Sorry for bringing it out, I knew it was shit.”

“Hey now, be nice to the draft. We can make it work. Did you mess around with piano or guitar?”

“Piano, I have a chord progression so far, but that’s it.”

“Well, that’s a start,” Ryan said, smiling at him. Brendon gave a small smile back.

[regularbeans]

Best Albums of 2018 but it’s chill this year (6-1)

Hello and welcome back to the Decisions I’ve Elected to Make. We’re picking up from number six because this is where shit gets real. 

6 Twenty One Pilots: Trench

*shocked gasps*

I know, I know, but listen.

It’s fine.

If I’m 100% honest with myself I’d say I expected better. (God, I speak like sixth place is anything to sneeze at, oofh.) But to be honest anything that’s not Vessel can’t have my heart, okay. Vessel is the golden standard and probably nobody can touch that ever. Which is bad, I know it’s bad to want a band to do something they’ve done really well once before, all over again. And I knew they wouldn’t and I shouldn’t even want them to which is why I accepted Trench as it is.

In my review (don’t let me fool you with these links I haven’t written a lot of reviews at all, I just happened to write some of these) I mentioned the strong lyrical themes and the instrumenting to be the core strengths but also mentioned how even though the concept is neat and I appreciate the boys being this imaginative and creative, it can also be alienating because you shouldn’t need to read a fuckin’ book to be able to enjoy a four-minute song, right? Still, this album is good and I love it, please don’t send me to music hell.

My favourite songs: Bandito, Cut My Lip, The Hype

5 Years & Years: Palo Santo

Shit, talk about hard to follow debuts, amirite?

Years & Years had one of the strongest debuts I can recall in recent years. Communion was just so incredibly complete you would never guess it was anybody’s first attempt at an album. And because I’m a pessimist I tried to keep my expectations low. Sanctify was okay, Palo Santo (the song) was okay but it was If You’re Over Me that put my mind at rest and convinced me Olly & Co. know what they’re doing. (I’m reading back my review I actually called them Olly Alexander & Co. in the review too omg I’m sorry Emre and Mikey, I know your names, I promise.) And I found this album more lighthearted and despite the themes (religion, sexuality, guilt, queerphobia, you know, the hits) way more upbeat. I’m not going to say it’s better than Communion but it’s definitely not worse. 

Years & Years is a band with a huge personality. They make a genre that’s easy to get lazy in sound colourful, exciting, captivating, and like the biggest party that you can’t miss out on. They’re both modern and nostalgic for a musical era they weren’t even alive in.

My favourite songs: All For You, Hypnotised, Here

I can’t choose between the next two so I’m going to write their summaries and then decide which one is fourth and which is third.

4 Panic! at the Disco: Pray For the Wicked

Panic! has always been a hit or miss with me. I either love their albums to death or I don’t care much for them at all and it fluctuates quite regularly. With Death of a Bachelor being my favourite record Brendon ever released I found it unlikely that anything he can do after this could dethrone it. And I was right, it didn’t. But it made a damn great job of trying to.

I think Brendon to be one of the most talented songwriters, vocalists, and performers of the current generation and I’m not exaggerating. He’s amazing and he doesn’t half-ass anything he does even though he has such a stable following that would just gobble up anything he puts out. And I appreciate that. Pray For the Wicked is like Brendon; strong, whimsical, colourful, a little all over the place, but full of passion and emotion. It’s exactly what the pop scene needs in these... *looks at charts* *looks at news about fucking celebrity beefs that nobody should give two shits about* trying times.

I also wrote a review of this one.

My favourite songs: Roaring 20s, High Hopes, Dancing’s Not a Crime

3 Fall Out Boy: MANIA

God this album’s been coming for so long it’s easy to forget it only came out this year. And weirdly, I was so sure this would place lower than Pray For the Wicked. There’s not a lot separating the two though. I guess where I like fewer songs more on PFTW I like more songs less on Mania? I don’t fucking know, let’s just say I did maths to calculate this or something.

In my review, tut-tut (that is a little off because the edition I listened to for the first time had the tracks in a slightly different order so... oops?), I said that I’m glad Fall Out Boy stopped giving a shit and I think that’s a theme for so many of these albums on this list, or at least so many of the bands I enjoy doing this where they just stop worrying about trying to appeal to new audiences and just doing their own thing. Fall Out Boy has been so many things before that nothing is out of the comfort zone for them. They are veterans, are you even kidding me, they’re a goddamn powerhouse and all that energy comes across on this album so well, it’s just insanely strong. It also definitely beats AB/AP for me even though I love that album as well.

My favourite songs: Heaven’s Gate, Hold Me Tight or Don’t, Bishops Knife Trick

@ jesus @ god please forgive me for what I’m about to do.

2 Editors: Violence

I’ve done this a few times before where I know technically an album is better than the other but the emotions surrounding it are just different. The best example to this was in 2014 where I put Troy Baker’s Sitting In the Fire in first place against Sia’s 1,000 Forms of Fear which is just a flawless and brilliant record from beginning to end. But listen to me...

Emotions okay?

Besides, Editors and I go way back, they know I love them. And so here we are, after the sixth album they still haven’t had a #1 album with me. Which is not true, they’re always #1 in my heart but this year was just like this, you know? 

Here’s a review of Violence but... I don’t feel like I need to talk more about them. I just love them so much. They’re just, my life, you know? At every turn, at every event and happening, they’re just there. Their music, their presence, the memories I made because of them, the people I’ve met because of them. They shaped me and my life in ways no other band has or will. So I’ll just leave this quote here and go to bed. Or not cause I’m not done with this list yet.

“People are always talking about how dark we are, and I always get asked where that comes from. And it’s a question I have to dance around, and I have done for years. But I do know this: The people who like this band, who come and see us play and buy our records, they don’t finish an Editors CD or come out of an Editors concert feeling sad. People connect with those little glimmers of hope that are in those songs.”

My favourite songs: Violence, Cold, Nothingness

1 Why do things like this happen to good, god-fearing christian girls like me is all I wanna know...

Just kidding, I’m not scared of god.

I didn’t want to write any more about this album (it’s called Love Yourself 轉 'Tear' by the way) or BTS as a whole because anyone who’d be interested in reading about why I love them so much understands already so I don’t feel like wasting my breath and I’m not going to but I’ll say this much: the amount of happiness BTS’s music brought me since I got to know them five months ago is unmatched. This year, at least. I remember in 2015 when I got to know twenty one pilots and thought to myself: holy shit, experiences like this, bands like this you just don’t come across every day. To me, at least, these moments are few and far between which is why I want to treasure and honour them whenever they happen.

They just make me happy and their music fucking slaps. Next question!

My favourite songs: Outro: Tear, Anpanman, The Truth Untold, Paradise

Yeah. Yeah I’m pretty sure that was three songs. Good.

[bodhilevin]

uhhh it’s ya boy,,,,,,, 👀bodhi. i’m not even going to try introducing myself this time we’re going straight into it. like/dm me if you’d like to plot you know the drill!

「 THOMAS DOHERTY, MALE, 23, BRENDON URIE/P!ATD. 」┈ did you read that latest viral gossip issue on BODHI “BO” LEVIN?  he is the LEAD VOCALIST in AFTERPARTY, one of my favorite POP ROCK groups. they’ve been releasing music for TWO YEARS now, but viral gossip has only been talking about them for the last TWO YEARS. get this, i think i heard THAT DESPITE THEIR BAD BOY IMAGE, THEY’VE NEVER HAD ANYTHING HARDER THAN WEED. they’re known as the RECALCITRANT of the music industry, since they have a rep for being GENEROUS but DISTRUSTING, but who knows. maybe that will change once they become #1.  ( ADMIN MONA, 18, EST, SHE/HER. )

INTRO !!

let’s start at the beginning. to anyone who asked, his mother used to say that the world stopped when bodhi was born, and that the moment that he opened his eyes she knew he would become something amazing---even if he was about to get whisked away by the nurses in the next second.

which is sweet and all... but the thing is, his mom was a really well-known celebrity pr manager, and bodhi was the fourth child in his family. what his mom really saw in bo was a spark for potential that she hadn’t seen in his older siblings.

so when he turned four, his mom decided that he should start getting into modeling. and with his round cheeks and pretty blue eyes, sure enough, he was soon gracing ads for different toys and even gap posters.

a few years after appearing in various commercials and having small cameo roles on tv shows, he had his breakthrough role where he played one of the lead roles in some tear-jerking, inspirational film alongside a hollywood movie star that was a major heartthrob at the time. it was nominated for and won multiple oscars (he didn’t win any personally though).

and after that, the roles only continued to come in, and he started to get homeschooled. whenever he landed another role, he knew that he should be grateful for it, but part of him resented it when he heard his other siblings talking about having friends and going shopping and trying out for football and just generally having a normal life in general. especially because this was a life that bodhi never chose to have.

so he started applying to colleges behind his mom’s back with his teacher, and when he turned 18 there was this huge legal battle that was covered in the media that he ended up winning where he cut off all ties with his mom. he enrolled in nyu, and effectively disappeared off the map. bar a few dumb disney covers he uploaded from his dorm on youtube. he was never a disney channel boy, but ya know. disney music’s lit and it was still his childhood.

in college, bodhi started to go by bo, and college was where he really started to develop his voice and his musical style (he had taken vocal lessons for a few of his roles but hadn’t really released any music of his own). the videos were uploaded with little fanfare or notice, and often were one take and still included all of his mistakes and ad-libs. a lot of media outlets (viralgossip included) probably made fun of him for being part of a oscar-winning film to becoming a youtuber who didn’t even have a regular uploading schedule. said he peaked early and all that.

the last video he uploaded was a cover of ‘i will go the distance’, and he was still in his purple graduation robes. and the comments were all sad and stuff b/c they thought he was finished with being in the public eye foreVER.

THE BAND !!

「 AFTERPARTY, DNCE. 」┈ lyrics hastily written on café napkins, smoking breaks on city penthouse rooftops, pens with missing caps, torn contracts, an endless pursuit for perfection, a turned-off cellphone, using a platinum amex card to order in pizza

WILL EDIT THE BELOW LATER!

a few months after his graduation, he dropped his first album titled self-titled (it wasn’t actually self-titled that’s just what it was called) with his band out of no where. the band was a secret project he was working on, and the first album had mixed, but generally positive reviews? and it was edgy as fuck b/c bo never got to have a rebellious phase in his teen years and basically most of the songs have this vibe where you can just tell that he wants to LIVE and be free!!11!!

some of his fans were super blindsided by this because he was singing disney music for four years lookin really soft and shit in his dorm? and suddenly he’s screaming at the top of his lungs and wearing guyliner it’s liT.

the band was something he was thinking about for AGES ever since he first befriended SOMEONE (wanted connection!) at a college party (and they are now one of his best friends) and they inadvertently gave him the idea to do something that would piss off his mom the most. so instead of acting, he invested his time into music. and instead of going solo and having his name plastered everywhere, he decided to produce music with band whose name doesn’t even have “bodhi” anywhere in it and he’s not even singing.

don’t want to be to presumptuous, but the band kinda has a modern the rolling stones vibe? in that bo (at least) is upper class, but the music is catered to a rebellious working class audience if that makes sense.

also, since he still had a ton of money from his acting career days, he started the band by holding auditions and selecting talented musicians to join their roster. it was super lowkey and under wraps, but it worked.

the band is super into experimenting in the studio with different sounds and stuff, and bo doesn’t mind spending his money on different types of recording techniques and multiple takes if that’s what it takes to get the sound that he wants.

and along the same vein, bo and his bandmates were definitely not the closest at first? since they had just met and i feel like sometimes bo can’t help but be a spoiled white boy sometimes because he’s never known a life outside of wealth and fame (even in college he was probably recognized a loT and given preferential stuff). but now they’re like the family bo never really had, and maybe even because they weren’t the closest at first they’re that much closer, you know?

after they released their first album, they dropped their second album only nine months after, and are now slowly working on a third. because even bo knows when to take a break.

when i post an aesthetic moodboard for afterparty, i’ll link it here.

PERSONALITY & SECRET !!

bo is super sweet and super nice and super soft! aka the total opposite of simon. despite everything that’s happened to him, he’s still super soft and hasn’t let himself get jaded. well done, bo!

like i said earlier, sometimes he’s always had money, and never had to worry about his next meal. and nyu is one of the wealthier private schools? so there are definitely times where he forgets his privilege but when that happens just let him know. and he’s the type to buy presents for his frienDS? and not think that much of it. it’s his love language so let him spoil your muse.

DRUGS MENTION FOR THIS BULLET ONLY afterparty mentions drugs, sex and all that good stuff in their music. but bodhi has never tried drugs and never plans to. he’s tried pot at a college party once and it made him sick so he’s never touched it since and he wasn’t really a fan of drinking underage or at parties sooo he’s v pure.

and is he inspired by trish walker? you bet he is!

also, my boi bo is bi. hahaha jk he’s pansexual like all my muses are sdjfkls so give me all the ships

TL : DR ;

bodhi---but please call him bo---is a former famous oscar-winning child actor who cut off all ties with his momager four years ago to go to college where he uploaded videos of himself singing covers on youtube. after he graduated, he started afterparty, a teenage rebellion pop punk band. *finger guns*

IDEAS FOR PLOTS/WAYS TO MEET !!

will be linked HERE once i finish writing that up!

thanks for coming to my ted talk !!

[todaysbiggesthits]

The Exam

Best Music Moment of 2020

Bin: Re-discovering 1990s alt-rock and listening to some previously unknown and/or forgotten jams culminating with discovering that Cherub Rock is an all-time track

Chap: Dancing to Frank Sinatra with my kids on NYE

Bronco: Started jamming with John on Rocksmith.  He pointed out that there was a multiplayer mode, so I ordered another cable and, lo and behold, we were both able to play.  He's starting to learn the bass while I continue to tinker with the guitar.  Pretty awesome to jam out to some Alice in Chains or some Mastodon with my 10-year-old son. Only two more years and he should be able to tour with Korn!

Code: - climbed up to the roof for 4th of july and brought the big set outside to jam at an ear splitting volume. Arden and i danced until we got almost too drunk to descend the ladder. that was major fun. - broke quarantine (and my smoking cessation plan) in late april to ride my bike to the lake and listen to townes van zandt while thinking of bobcat the wheelie king. - listening to shadowplay while closing out each opponent in a summerlong match play tournament. - watching the sun rise through the fog on an october morning while crossing the mississippi river with elliott smith's XO

JD: July: Sitting by the window watching a rainstorm with the Barwick album on the day it came out. October: A big spin of The Big Ship. November: Blasting “House of Jealous Lovers” when they called the election and turning it into a 2.5 hour club mix. November: jj having a violently negative reaction to a song by that Muzz band that came on shuffle and saying it sounded like Jason Mraz.

BC: Haphazard attempt at The Music Game over Zoom in April with last partiers standing - JD, Maddy, and I  "Live Drugs" first listen

Larse: Probably  streaming through YouTube Music's Top Indie 2020 on my Chromecast TV and seeing all of the music videos for the songs on a lazy weekday afternoon whilst I wasn't working over the holidays

Best Shows Seent in 2020

Code: pqc - 10th anniversary show (streamed) silver jews - final show (01/31/2009) a handful of live phish performances while facetiming with jonas, bc and geoff not a single in-person show attended

Nasty:"Dinner  and a Movie" series - Phish Youtube with BC, Code, and Dillon via facetime

JD: 1. Peel Dream Magazine at whatever they call Hi-Fi now on the day before lockdown 2. Real Estate busking on the sidewalk in front of closed record store locations in Manhattan 3. Parkay Boys’ 10th anniversary stream on my couch

Laser: Cirque du Soleil Michael Jackson One in Vegas in January…that was the only show even remotely related to music I saw all year

Bronco: Only seent one, and it was Cold War Kids with my wife.  Had a really good time.  It was nice to share some quality music time together, away from the kids for a night... basically the only time of this butthole of a year.

Chap: Ted Lasso

BC: Yeeeahhh right

Confession of 2020

JD: I think I engaged with Aerosmith music videos more than any new albums.

BC: Listening to new music often feels like a chore

Rotty: I played over 75 rounds of golf this year…another ample opportunity to listen to new music and I found myself just listening to Classic Pop/Rock Hits!

Codem: - i didn't even listen to taylor swift's album. - i listened to bob marley - live! for the first time in 20 years while driving my dad's car and i sobbed and sang.

Nasty: I'm a phish fan now?

Bronco: I'm still reading the book I mentioned in last year's Resolution for 2019 Status...such a slow fucking reader and this book is 1000 pages.  Kindle app says I'm 63% of the way through.  Jesus.

Biggest Disappointment of 2020

Nasty: Still Kanye...

NACK: Sufjan Stevens

Code: - no shows with my sweet one - no stones while waiting for the canons - i think i grew out of diet cig - i didn't put my heart into finding cool album art this year. 

Larson: JD's wedding being cancelled (editor’s note: sure hope you mean postponed)

JD: Don’t know if it was my advanced age, the lack of concerts, commuting, and hearing music in bars and restaurants, or the platform economy murdering my attention span and turning them all into yet more ephemeral ‘content,’ but the new albums really didn’t take this year.

Bronco: Kvelertak was okay, they changed lead singers and the new album was fine, but after their last offering that landed quite high on my list, this one was kind of a let down. Also, 2020.

BC: 2020

Most Overrated of 2020

Chap: Fiona

BC: I fully expect Fiona Apple to flood this answer.  But the correct answer is Waxahachee. 

JD: It’s hard to say given the way ‘institutional’ narratives feel mostly guided by risk minimization, but I always keep this seat warm for Run the Jewels.

Bronco: Any and all death metal.  It's all so samey. I have a hard time trying to get in to any of it, so I don't bother...and then it bothers me when it ends up on end of year lists like it's some revelation of sound. It's literally all the same.

Code: podcasts

Bin: The human brain

Laser: my golf game!

Make it Stop 2020 

Nasty: WOP (editor’s note: WAP?)

Larse: Having to talk about Politics

Code: "better off alone" - purity ring

JD: The impossibly grating contempo pop that’s always on the radio at the bodega down the street.

Chap: Covid? Trump? Celeb deaths? SNL? Murder Hornets? Talkin' tv models via email? Not enough exposure to pop culture to really get annoyed by anything.

BC: The raging pandemic. Seriously. 

Biggest TBH Regret of 2020

Laser: giving this the old college try and having just a shit list!

Chap: Only seeing one show in my 2.5 years in NYC

JD: Skipping Nap Eyes opening for Destroyer in February because I’d so obviously be able to catch Nap Eyes headlining a better venue later on.

Codem: i wanted that teenage halloween album to sound better because i loved the album artwork

Bin: Not buying Lilly stock

Bronco: No regrets to be had, couldn't do anything in this godforsaken year.

Detective Murtaugh of 2020

BC: My back giving out upon bending over to change a light bulb

Chap: Trying to give Taylor Swift the ol' college try. 

Larson: This damn pandemic!

Bronco: I'm too old for being stuck in my house all day, every day, listening to the rest of my family non-stop. I need this shit to end. I can't listen to my kids anymore... not all day. It's crushing me.

Code: now that i own a car again, my favorite pastime has become zoning out to a good album on a long drive and seeing if i can reach an arbitrary mpg number for my trip.

JD: I remember browsing the racks at Media Play and getting mad at every magazine that ranked Love and Theft ahead of Is This It? in 2001 and 19 years later I came thisclose to doing it m’self.

Bin: Arizona,  Pennsylvania, and Nevada taking their sweet ass time counting ballots

Resolution for 2020 Status 

Larse: None How It Went: More than likely it was related to being better at this and this year was probably the worst of all time…

Code: i'm making it easier this year.  catch ovlov, washer, EMA and colleen green live this year.  bonus points: see dom's much anticipated return to the stage. How It Went: ain’t caught but a one!

Bronco: Build a vinyl collection. I know I dumped on Brendon for suggesting he press copies of Carpet Affair, but my kid's getting way into music and listening to it on his own (via Alexa in my bedroom which is super fucking annoying), so we're getting him his own record player and I think it's going to be a cool activity to go record store diving for whatever classics we can scrounge up. How It Went: Started the vinyl collection.  Went record store diving with John at the beginning of the year.  He picked up Ride the Lightening.  And I've got an original pressing of Back in Black on its way, didn't make it in time for Christmas.  I decided on purchasing that album, then a day or two later John said, "I think I know what I want my next record to be...Back in Black".  Sad it didn't make it in time, but psyched I was able to predict it.

Chap: Eh I'm cool How It Went: Ironically, reading back it contradicts what it says

Bren: See Phish in 2020 How It Went: Phish tickets purchased and ready

Bin: Send an email about music on the TBH! thread. How It Went:   Ha!  Set the bar low! Finally. Send an email about music? Check.... "can you  believe Trump plays Fortunate Son unironically at campaign events???"

JD: Get to more shows. Take more aimless strolls spinning tunes. How It Went: Turns out I did a lot of sitting around inside this year.

Resolution for 2021

Bronc: Get vaccinated.

BC: Get vaxxed up and return to normalcy 

JD: - Massively reduce my ‘news’ consumption to free up more time to spin tunes and smell the roses. - Get vaxed and get partying.

Code: see a live music concert

Nasty: I'm going to be ambitious. See a show with JD. Coward move to shy away from this in 2020.

Nicky: To start earlier. It takes me longer to get into new stuff. I didn't even like my top 4 until at least late December, but now I feel like they could compete with most years.

Laser: Be better at this! If anything, the pandemic should have allowed me to listen to more music whilst at home working, but it seemed to have the opposite effect…

Most Anticipated of 2021

BC: TWOD

Bronco: Mastodon, and live shows... not sure I even care which ones.

JD: Dry Cleaning, Park Hye Jin, Viagra Boys

Larse: No clue…

Chap: It's way too early!

Bin: Freedom of movement

Code: it seems like there should be a buncha new cool musical ideas to come out of this time indoors. something like this era's disco?  a big celebratory sound that makes us all smile and move.  in other words, the next dom album.